Olaru Elena-Alina

SHRME 2
Negotiation Homework 3

Active Listening

Homework 3:
1. How to cultivate the competence of listening in business communication?
To cultivate the competence of listening in business communication by preparing for active
listening in advance and engage in certain cognitive strategies to help us listen better. We also
engage in active listening behaviors as we receive and process messages.
Listening is the ability to accurately receive and interpret messages in the communication
process.
Listening is key to all effective communication. Without the ability to listen effectively,
messages are easily misunderstood. As a result, communication breaks down and the sender of
the message can easily become frustrated or irritated.
Eye contact is a key sign of active listening. Speakers usually interpret a listener’s eye contact as
a signal of attentiveness. While a lack of eye contact may indicate inattentiveness, it can also
signal cognitive processing. When we look away to process new information, we usually do it
unconsciously. Be aware, however, that your conversational partner may interpret this as not
listening. If you really do need to take a moment to think about something, you could indicate
that to the other person by saying, “That’s new information to me. Give me just a second to think
through it.” We already learned the role that back-channel cues play in listening. An occasional
head nod and “uh-huh” signal that you are paying attention. However, when we give these cues
as a form of “autopilot” listening, others can usually tell that we are pseudo-listening, and
whether they call us on it or not, that impression could lead to negative judgments.
Many people admit that they could stand to improve their listening skills. Active listening refers
to the process of pairing outwardly visible positive listening behaviors with positive cognitive
listening practices. Active listening can help address many of the environmental, physical,
cognitive, and personal barriers to effective listening that we discussed earlier. The behaviors
associated with active listening can also enhance informational, critical, and empathetic listening
A more direct way to indicate active listening is to reference previous statements made by the
speaker. Norms of politeness usually call on us to reference a past statement or connect to the
speaker’s current thought before starting a conversational turn. Being able to summarize what
someone said to ensure that the topic has been satisfactorily covered and understood or being
able to segue in such a way that validates what the previous speaker said helps regulate
conversational flow. Asking probing questions is another way to directly indicate listening and to
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Negotiation Homework 3
keep a conversation going, since they encourage and invite a person to speak more. You can also
ask questions that seek clarification and not just elaboration. Speakers should present complex
information at a slower speaking rate than familiar information, but many will not. Remember
that your nonverbal feedback can be useful for a speaker, as it signals that you are listening but
also whether or not you understand.
If a speaker fails to read your nonverbal feedback, you may need to follow up with verbal
communication in the form of paraphrased messages and clarifying questions.
Barriers to Effective Listening
To improve the process of effective listening, it can be helpful to turn the problem on its head
and look at barriers to effective listening, or ineffective listening.
For example, one common problem is that instead of listening closely to what someone is saying,
we often get distracted after a sentence or two and instead start to think about what we are going
to say in reply or think about unrelated things. This means that we do not fully listen to the rest
of the speaker’s message.
This problem is attributed, in part, to the difference between average speech rate and average
processing rate. Average speech rates are between 125 and 175 words a minute whereas we can
process on average between 400 and 800 words a minute. It is a common habit for the listener to
use the spare time while listening to daydream or think about other things, rather than focusing
on what the speaker is saying.
Of course the clarity of what the speaker is saying can also affect how well we listen. Generally
we find it easier to focus if the speaker is fluent in their speech, has a familiar accent, and speaks
at an appropriate loudness for the situation. It is more difficult, for example, to focus on
somebody who is speaking very fast and very quietly, especially if they are conveying complex
information.
We may also get distracted by the speaker’s personal appearance or by what someone else is
saying, which sounds more interesting.
Active listening builds rapport, understanding, and trust. It's a proven psychological technique
that helps therapists create a safe, comfortable atmosphere that encourages clients to discuss
important thoughts and feelings.
Active listening involves fully concentrating on what is being said rather than passively
absorbing what someone is saying. It's not just about remembering the content of what someone
is sharing, but actively seeking to understand the complete message--including the emotional
tones-being conveyed.
This type of listening involves participating in the other person's world and being connected to
what the other person is experiencing.
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Negotiation Homework 3
People often are selective listeners, meaning that they focus on a few key words and ignore the
rest of the person's communication. They're often distracted by external stimuli like random
sounds or movements, and internal stimuli such as one's own thoughts and feelings.
In other situations, individuals allow their own biases and values to pick arguments with the
other person's speech rather than remaining focused on their message. They waste valuable time
and energy preparing to respond rather than giving their full, undivided attention to the speech.
Active listening is the most important communication skill for any entrepreneur to have.
Speaking well is important, but it only affects what you say to others. Active listening affects
how you learn and grow from everybody else around you. Make it a point to sit down with
everyone involved in your company, from your employees, to your partners, to your clients, and
have open, honest conversations that drive your business forward. Once you start truly listening
to the people around you, you’ll be amazed at what you can learn.
Having effective listening skills means being able to display interest in the topic discussed and
understand the information provided. In today’s society, the ability to communicate effectively is
becoming increasingly important. Although the ability to speak effectively is a highly sought-
after skill, developing effective listening skills is often not regarded in the same respect.
In fact, listening is just as important as speaking. Being a good listener helps solve problems,
resolve conflicts, and improve relationships. In the workplace, effective listening contributes to
fewer errors; less wasted time, and improved accuracy. Effective listening helps build friendships
and careers.

2. Comment on the "decalogue" of listening with examples

Listening plays a major part in the world of negotiation. Successful negotiations are based on the
ongoing exchange of information. It is a process and therefore takes time. You can’t expect the
other side to blurt out everything up front, just like you wouldn’t show all your cards at the
outset either. The key throughout the entire negotiation is to ask questions and, more
importantly, listen carefully. The information you obtain will tell you about the real interests
involved in the negotiations and assist you in creating options, solutions and win-win
agreements.
Here are some rules of listening:
Never interrupt – good listeners never interrupt when the other side is talking. If you have a
question or need clarification, write it down and continue to give them your undivided attention.
You can address your queries when they have finished if they haven’t answered them already
(which they often do). Stopping the flow of information is very risky because they may be about
to reveal everything you need to know.
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Negotiation Homework 3
Speak with the body – maintain eye contact, nod every so often and occasionally smiles they
are speaking. This shows the other person that you are paying attention and makes them feel
comfortable about revealing more information.
Time-Differences in staging result from the fact that Latin and Oriental cultures are polychronic
as opposed to the English and Dutch which are monochronic. Differences in listening behavior
relate to a higher silence tolerance some cultures such as the Japanese. Silence does not mean
your price is too high but let me think, so that I can understand your offer. Therefore, when the
Japanese negotiator uses pauses or is even just silent, you should not "interrupt" but should let
him think. An American negotiator learned this fact the hard way. The American offered an
apparatus to a Japanese client for $100,000. While the Japanese sat silently, the American
dropped his price to $10,000 within 10 minutes, just because he was so impatient and intolerant
of the silence. The negotiation session was so poor that the client was not happy, even though he
got the product he wanted at a very low price. Price is absolutely not the top priority in Japan,
but keeping good relationships is. The setting of the price of a product in Japan is so consensus
bound and carefully prepared that it is difficult for a Japanese to understand that an American
would reduce a price so easily just because he is impatient to get the deal. The result of this
cross-cultural mismatch is that a good relationship is in serious trouble.
Listening with Four Ears-A failure to listen effectively can derail every other negotiating skill
developed, including the best strategies, the sharpest tactics, and the most honed mediation
techniques. What a negotiator often encounters is not a problem to be solved, but rather an idea
to be heard, a different view to be understood, or a new person with whom to become
acquainted. Negotiating, like the process of teaching and learning, involves an encounter with the
unexpected, along with and the elements of suspense and surprise.
When listening, a negotiator must wait patiently for insight to emerge and must trust in the
outcome of the process. Few individuals are good conversationalists because they think about
what they intend to say, rather than about what the other person is saying. Therefore, the focus of
a good conversationalist, as well as a good negotiator, should be not just to hear, but also to
listen. Hearing is mostly physical; listening is mostly psychological.
The key to improving listening skills can be accomplished in four steps:
(1) Listen to What Is Clearly Being Said - The first ear involves listening actively (participating,
concentrating) to gain insight into the thoughts, needs, and feelings of others. By listening
actively and not mentally preparing an immediate reply, one is less likely to convey unintended
nonverbal signals. Remember, one hears only the sounds to which one listens. Further, feelings
and motives are critical to listening effectively, as is demonstrated by the fact that when they are
absent in electronic communication, much of what otherwise would be clearly understood is lost.
People are not computers, programmed to respond to impulses from others. Human beings have
feelings generated by the negotiation process feelings of mistrust, fear, and anger. In addition, it
is sometimes the very smallest of subtleties, repeated repeatedly, which form a predictable
pattern and send a clear message. Active listening is a process of thoroughly hearing what the
other person has said, and responding with a reflective statement that mirrors what has been
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Negotiation Homework 3
heard. Active listening requires expertise in discussing and conferring with, as opposed to
bargaining against, in order to hear what the other person is really saying. The negotiator must
listen to understand rather than attempt to achieve an agreement or produce some kind of change
in the other person.
(2) Listen for What Obviously Is Not Being Said- The second ear involves recognizing what
speech conceals and what silence reveals. "Listening is the ability to hear what people are saying
or not saying as distinguished from the words they enunciate". If one listens between the words,
one will be able to discern a message and hear more than just the words. It is important to look
not only for the reaction that the other person has to what you have just said, but also for what
the other person obviously is not voicing. A reluctance to discuss one aspect of the problem is, in
a sense, a hidden offer to discuss another one should package conclusions by giving reasons first
and proposals second, to help the other person to listen effectively. The negotiator should use
small talk to warm up, should tune into the other person’s communicative manner (fast/slow,
loud/soft); and should communicate through those senses (seeing, listening, feeling, touching,
reasoning) to which the other is more apt to respond. It is unwise to attempt to negotiate with
someone who is angry, as that emotion may shape his or her perception of information. Instead,
acknowledge feelings of anger first and allow emotional dialogue to precede intellectual
discussion so that both parties may listen effectively. Other practical tips for affirming the
listening process included using your opponent’s name as you make eye contact; focusing on
issues on which you already agree to build momentum; using the word yes for unity, not
dichotomy of thought; and speaking only for oneself, thereby acknowledging the other person,
his or her authority, and his or her competence.
(3) Listen for What the Other Person Really Wants to Say, But Does not - The third ear involves
listening for the essence of things. A useful reminder is to use the "e" and "a" and "r" of "ear":
explore what is not clear, acknowledge what is understood, then respond.A useful listening tool
is to capitalize on pauses to enhance communication. Pauses can provide a better idea of what
other people are planning to do but are hesitant to express. The negotiator should encourage the
expression of what the speaker is hesitate to articulate. Such encouragement is beneficial in two
aspects:
a. Logically, the negotiator gains a better insight to what the opponent is expressing
b. Emotionally, the negotiator posts a friendly gesture even before the intellectual analysis
begins, which usually leads to an agreeable discussion.
Further, often what a person states is usually an imperfect representation of what that person is
thinking or trying to articulate. As a result, one listens to what is said, and then makes inferences
about what that person is thinking in order to penetrate the thought process behind the words.
Communications in negotiations need to cover all-important concerns, reveal all issues and
interests, and explore likely avenues of mutual gain. Therefore, negotiators must skillfully
translate what is being said into what the speaker intends to say.
Paraphrase – this indicates to the other person that you have understood what they said. It
basically involves summing up what you have heard in your own words.
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Negotiation Homework 3
Paraphrasing consists of negotiators' repeating in their own words the meaning of subjects'
messages back to them. This shows that negotiators are not only listening but also understanding
what the subject is conveying. For example, the subject might say, "What's the use in trying to go
on anymore. I've lost my job of 18 years, my wife has left me for good, and I have no money and
no friends. I'd be better off dead." In response, the negotiator might express understanding by
paraphrasing the subject's words, "You've lost your job and your wife, there is no one to turn to,
and you're not sure if you want to go on living."
Mirroring-By mirroring, negotiators repeat only the last words or main idea of the subject's
message. It serves as both an attending and listening technique, as it indicates both interest and
understanding. For example, a subject may declare, "I'm sick and tired of being pushed around,"
to which the negotiator can respond, "Feel pushed, huh?" Mirroring can be especially helpful in
the early stages of a crisis, as negotiators attempt to establish a non-confrontational presence,
gain initial intelligence, and begin to build rapport. This technique allows negotiators to follow
verbally wherever the subject leads the conversation. Consequently, negotiators learn valuable
information about the circumstances surrounding the incident, while they provide the subject an
opportunity to vent. This technique also frees negotiators from the pressure of constantly
directing the conversation. Under stress, negotiators may find they are unsure of how to respond
to the subject. Mirroring enables a negotiator to be a full partner in the conversational dance
without having to lead. Using this skill also helps negotiators avoid asking questions
interrogation-style, which blocks rapport building.
Open-ended Questions-By using open-ended questions, negotiators stimulate the subject to talk.
Negotiators should avoid asking "why" questions, which could imply interrogation. When the
subject speaks, negotiators gain greater insight into the subject's intent. Effective negotiations
focus on learning what the subject thinks and feels. If negotiators do most of the talking, they
decrease the opportunities to learn about the subject. Additional examples of effective open-
ended questions include, "Can you tell me more about that?" "I didn't understand what you just
said; could you help me better understand by explaining that further?" and "Could you tell me
more about what happened to you today?"
Effective Pauses-By deliberately using pauses, negotiators can harness the power of silence for
effect at appropriate times. People tend to speak to fill spaces in a conversation. Therefore,
negotiators should, on occasion, consciously create a space or void that will encourage the
subject to speak and, in the process, provide additional information that may help negotiators
resolve the situation. Silence also is an effective response when subjects engage in highly
charged emotional outbursts. When they fail to elicit a verbal response, subjects often calm down
to verify that negotiators are still listening. Eventually, even the most emotionally overwrought
subjects will find it difficult to sustain a one-sided argument, and they again will return to
meaningful dialogue with negotiators. Thus, by remaining silent at the right times, negotiators
actually can move the overall negotiation process forward.
Clarify – ask questions about what the other person has just said. For example, ‘I’m not sure
what you mean by…’ It’s a further indication that you are paying attention.
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Negotiation Homework 3
Acknowledge them – this does not mean you have to agree, it just shows the other person that
you value their point of view. Be sincere when you acknowledge them and always look them in
the eyes, even if they are angry or threatening. Once they have been heard, you can go on to
show how your point of view is also valid.
Agree as often as possible – agreeing to what the other person is saying creates a very positive
negotiating environment. Find little things to affirm and you will not only set a pattern of
agreement but also make the other person more confident about sharing information with you.
By listening attentively you will also notice the things that the other person does not say and this
could tell you a lot. For example, they may be very quiet about their reasons for a particular
settlement date, which could indicate that they are under more pressure than they want to let on.
When listening, try to maintain objectivity and keep an open mind. Make every effort to
understand what the other party is really trying to say – read between the lines! Determine
whether the words they are saying match their body language. And always remember the golden
rule: listen more than you talk!

List of references

 The Hidden Rules of Successful Negotiation and Communication: Getting to Yes!

 Staff, H. (2008, November 30). Listening Skills: A Powerful Key To Successful
Negotiating, HealthyPlace
 Madhukar, R.K. (2009). Business Communication. 6th edition. New Delhi: Vikas
Publishing House, pp.77-86
 Ilana Zohar, 2015, The Art of Negotiation” Leadership Skills Required for Negotiation in
Time of Crisis