The Language of Influence Manual: Salad

The Language Of
Influence
Manual
salad ®
Table of Contents
What is Language?................................................................... 3
Persuasion & Influence?............................................................ 4
Is it Ethical?............................................................................ 5
What is NLP?........................................................................... 6
The Fundamentals....................................................................7
Presuppositions .......................................................................8
Rapport.................................................................................. 9
Sensory Acuity.......................................................................10
Representational Systems....................................................... 11
Sensory Words.......................................................................12
States...................................................................................13
Anchoring..............................................................................14
Pacing & Leading ...................................................................15
Powerful Language ................................................................ 16
Voice Control......................................................................... 20
Stories..................................................................................21
What is a Metaphor?............................................................... 22
More About Metaphors............................................................ 23
Tips for Storytelling................................................................ 24
Tips for Using Hypnotic Language ............................................ 25
Criteria................................................................................. 26
Instant Replay (Decision Strategies)......................................... 27
Asking for Miracles................................................................. 28
Dealing with Objections...........................................................29
Stacking Benefits................................................................... 31
Cialdini’s Six Principles of Influence...........................................32
Questions..............................................................................33
Bibliography.......................................................................... 34
Reading & Resources.............................................................. 35
Appendix A – Exercises........................................................... 36
Pacing & Leading ...................................................................37
More Information................................................................... 43
...........................................................................................45
About the Author....................................................................46
Acknowledgements.................................................................46
www.saladltd.co.uk -2- ©2004 Jamie Smart

What is Language?
Here’s a definition:
“A systematic means of communicating ideas or feelings by the use

of conventionalized signs, sounds, gestures, or marks having
understood meanings.” – The Merriam Webster Dictionary Online
The above definition is typical of the dictionary definitions of

language, and makes a valiant attempt to encapsulate what
language is for and what it does. Yet language has other functions
and powers far beyond the relatively prosaic communication tool
described above.
Human beings perceive the world through their five senses (sight,
hearing, feeling, smelling, tasting), and record those sensings in
maps or models of the world in their nervous systems. We do not
experience the world directly, but rather through our sense and the
maps and models we make of those sensings.
Language is a meta-map; a map of our internal maps and models.

Like our other internal maps and models, our linguistic map is
subject to change.
The language a person uses is a reflection of their maps and models

of reality, and reveals aspects of those maps and models which the
person themselves is not aware of. When their models change, their
experience of reality changes. Language is a lever for changing
those models, and thus changing a person’s reality.
You can use language to change your (or someone else’s) reality.

Persuasion & Influence?
Persuasion and influence is the process of getting someone else to
want to do, think or believe what you want them to. Whether you
want someone to accept your ideas, your suggestion or your
products / services, persuasion and influencing skills are the key.
Persuasion & influence are not…
• Bullying
• Pressuring
• Tricking
• Deceiving
Persuasion & influence are
• Elegant
• Smooth
• Effective
• Often undetectable
Influences on this training
This training draws on a number of different sources. The main

source is Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP), probably the most
powerful communications technology in the world (see ‘What is
NLP?’) Other sources include the following:
• Ericksonian Hypnosis
• Cialdini’s Six Principles of Influence
• Chris Tomasulo’s ‘Covert Communication’ Model

Is it Ethical?
The skills you will learn are neither ethical nor unethical – they are,
however, very powerful. We suggest, therefore, that you follow
these principles when you use them…
Best interests
Ensure that you have your own best interests and the best interests
of the person you are persuading at heart. If you know that what
you want them to do is going to be good for them and make them
happy / healthy / wealthy then go for it. If in doubt, don’t! While it
is possible to get people to do things against their best interests,
they won’t make the same mistake twice, and they’ll tell lots of
other people not to either.
Believe in your product / service / idea

Whether you are persuading someone of the value of your ideas,
services or physical products, one thing is fairly certain: if you do
not believe in it, neither will they. So make sure that you believe in
whatever you want others to believe in. If you don’t, then either
change your belief or change your product.
Believe in yourself
It is an old adage that ‘people buy people’, and the quickest way to
get others to believe in you is to believe in yourself. There are
many excellent resources available for developing your self-belief –
we suggest you use them.
Believe in the universe

You can think of the mind as having two parts: a thinker and a
prover. The thinker can think almost anything – the prover proves
what the thinker thinks by filtering out information that doesn’t
agree with it. For this reason, we suggest that you choose beliefs
that support and help you, giving you a happy and fulfilling life.
Einstein once said that the main question facing humanity was “Is
the universe a friendly place?” We suggest that you decide to
believe it is. It has been shown again and again that optimists live
longer, happier more fulfilling lives than pessimists. Choose to be
an optimist. Choose to believe that you can have more happiness,
fun, excitement, adventure, money, pleasure and fulfilment in your
life than you ever thought possible. This choice never disappoints!

What is NLP?
Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) was developed starting in the
early 1970s by Richard Bandler and John Grinder, when they set out
to model the work of geniuses in the field of human communication
and change. The term NLP is used to describe both the approach to
modelling that they used, and the powerful models of
communication and change they created (and have continued to
develop.) It has been used to model some of the best persuaders
and influencers in the world.
In Whispering in the Wind (2001), Grinder & St.Clair describe it

thus:
“(NLP) is a modelling technology whose specific subject

matter is the set of differences that make the difference
between the performance of geniuses and that of average
performers in the same field or activity”
In the Society of NLP Trainer Training Manual (1999), Richard

Bandler describes NLP as follows:
“NLP is an attitude, characterised by the sense of curiousity and

adventure and a desire to learn the skills to be able to find out what
kinds of communication influences somebody and the kinds of
things worth knowing; to look at life as a rare and unprecedented
opportunity to learn. NLP is a methodology based on the overall
operational presupposition that all behaviour has a structure…and
that structure can be modelled, learned, taught and changed (re-
programmed.) The way to know what will be useful and effective
are the perceptual skills. NLP has evolved as an innovative
technology enabling the practitioner to organise information and
perceptions in ways that allow them to achieve results that were
once inconceivable.”
Neuro
The nervous system, including the brain and the five senses.
Linguistic
The verbal & non-verbal language symbols with which we code &
transmit meaning.
Programming
The ability to structure our neurological and linguistic systems to
achieve certain results.

The Fundamentals
The fundamentals of influence from an NLP perspective are
straightforward:
1. Know what you want (Outcome / Direction)
One of the key NLP questions is ‘What do you want?’. The human
nervous system can be thought of as goal-seeking, and you tend to
get what you focus on. Well-formed outcomes are an important tool
for ensuring that you get more of what you want in your life.
2. Get the attention of the unconscious mind (Rapport)
“The map is not the territory.” You must start where the person
you wish to influence is (the ‘Present State’.) Rapport is the
process of getting the attention and trust of the unconscious mind.
3. Know whether you’re getting what you want (Sensory

Acuity)
Once you know where you want to go, you need to be able to notice
(using one or more senses) whether or not you are going there.
Sensory acuity refers to the ability to notice the signs that you are
moving in the right direction (or otherwise.)
4. Adjust what you’re doing accordingly (Behavioural

Flexibility)
“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a
different result.” When you notice that you are not getting what
you want, you need the flexibility to change what you are doing in
order to get a different result. “Intelligence is the ability to have a
fixed goal and be flexible about how you achieve it.”

Presuppositions
The following list is a selection of presuppositions or assumptions
which have proved useful for persuasion & influence. They are not
‘true’, but can be very useful for successful communication.
• The map is not the territory
• People make the best choice available to them at the time
• The meaning of the communication is the response you get.
• There is no failure, only feedback
• There is a solution to every problem
• The one with the most flexibility of thought and action is most
likely to succeed
• You can have whatever you want (if you help enough other
people to get what they want)
• There is enough of everything to go round
• People buy valued results

Rapport
Rapport has been described as what happens when we get the
attention of someone’s unconscious mind, and meet them at ‘their
map of the world.’ It is more commonly understood as the sense of
ease and connection that develops when you are interacting with
someone you trust and feel comfortable with.
Rapport can be established on many levels:

• speaking the same • wearing similar clothing
language • breathing at the same rate
• supporting the same team • matching body language
• having a common interest • matching voice tone
Rapport is a starting point for successful communication and

influence, and the rapport built up with techniques such as
matching and mirroring can give the impression of a deep sense of
connection and trust (the basis of the ‘we like people who are like
us’ school of influence.) Matching and mirroring often develop
spontaneously, and are a good sign that you are in rapport with
someone. Matching will develop rapport; mismatching will reduce
it. When mirroring isn’t appropriate, you can build rapport by
‘cross-over mirroring’ (eg. Matching their breathing rate with your
speech rate.) Try matching:
• Body posture • Vocal qualities • Facial expression

• Hand gestures • Key phrases • Energy level
• Half body • Predicates • Breathing
• Head tilt • Eyeblinks • Anything else…
A simple test for rapport is to make some simple movement, like

scratching your nose. If they make a similar movement within the
next minute, then you’ve developed rapport and led their
behaviour. The basic rapport test is “if you lead, they follow.”
 Challenge: Discover how many different ways you can

develop rapport with people in your day to day life. NB –
Choose low risk situations to experiment with at first.

Sensory Acuity
“Watch and listen!” This is one of the main ‘secrets’ to becoming
highly skilled at NLP. Visual acuity is particularly important in the
practice of hypnosis, as it is one of the keys for ‘making guesses’
about how your suggestions are being received. The processes
taking place inside a person’s mind are reflected to a greater or
lesser extent on the outside, in such phenomena as:
• Body posture • Lower lip size

• Hand gestures • Energy level
• Head tilt • Breathing rate
• Vocal qualities (tone, rate, • Breathing patterns
volume etc) • Skin colour
• Key phrases • Muscle tonus
• Sensory predicates • Pore dilation
• Eye-blinks • Sentence length
• Pupil dilation • Non-verbal utterances
• Rapid eye movement • Involuntary movements
• Facial expression • Metaphors
• Facial symmetry / • Anything else you can
asymmetry perceive!
You can train your senses to perceive more and more of what is
happening in the other person – distinctions that would previously
have been ‘invisible’.
 Tip: Minimise your internal dialogue by breathing deeply,

relaxing your throat muscles, placing the tip of your tongue
just behind your upper front teeth and letting your jaw drop
slightly. You’ll see and hear more! If your internal dialogue
interrupts your awareness, say “Shut the &*!% up!” inside
your head.” Repeat as necessary.
 Challenge: Choose a different area of behaviour from the list

above to pay attention to every day. Notice how quickly it’s
possible for you to begin seeing and hearing more and more
that was previously invisible.
www.saladltd.co.uk - 10 - ©2004 Jamie Smart

Representational Systems
According to the Concise Oxford Dictionary to represent something
is to call up in the mind by description, portrayal or imagination.
Representational systems (rep systems) are the means by which
human beings are able to do this. In the Neuro Hypnotic
Repatterning Manual (2000), Richard Bandler and John La Valle
TM
offer the following description:
“Human beings experience themselves and the world they live in

through the primary modalities of the five senses…Seeing, Hearing,
Feeling, Smelling and Tasting. The sensory modalities by which
people encode, organise, store, and attach meaning to perceptual
input are referred to as REPRESENTATIONAL SYSTEMS. As sensory
input is internally processed (re-presented), it is translated into
corresponding sensory representations (or maps) that constitute a
likeness or synthesis of the original perceptual input. This may
seem obvious, yet very important to remember..."reality” and out
perceptions of “reality” are not the same…The Map is not the
Territory.”
When people are ‘thinking’, they are using representational systems

to do so. By paying attention to the things people are doing and
saying, it is possible to get intuitions about which representational
systems are in consciousness at a given point in time, and which
ones are out of consciousness. These intuitions will give you
additional choices as a communicator. Clues to which
representational systems are being used to process can be found by
paying attention to:
• Spoken language (see ‘Sensory Words’)

• Eye movements
• Hand gestures
• Breathing
• Head position
• Voice tone
• Voice pace
If you tell people a story about yourself which closely matches their
experience, it can build a sense of rapport.

Sensory Words
One of the easiest ways for you to get a sense of the rep system
someone is favouring at a point in time is through their language.
As you become more aware of the ‘sensory specific’ words that
people use, you will begin to become more sensitised to the rep
system they are most aware* of using to process at that moment.
Below are some examples of words that indicate a particular rep

system – for an exhaustive list, see Appendix C.
Visual (see) See, perspective, view, focus, look, light, clear

Auditory (hear) hear, sound, say, tell, talk, tone, ring, click,
clear
Kinaesthetic Feel, handle, grip, hold, heavy, light, hang, light
(feel)
Olfactory (smell) smell, scent, stink, essence, rotten, odour,
sweet
Gustatory (taste) Taste, sour, bland, tasty, tangy, sharp, salty,
sweet
You will also notice people using turns of phrase that indicate
certain preferences, for instance:
• That rings a bell; we just clicked; do you hear what I’m saying
• I see what you mean; look at it from my point of view
• It feels good to me; get a handle on this
• I smell a rat
• Just give me a flavour of this
When you use language from the same rep system(s) that the
person you are communicating with is using, it creates more trust
and rapport. If you mismatch their rep systems, it will diminish the
level of trust and rapport.
When you tell stories, you can use sensory words & descriptions to
get the person more ‘into’ what you are telling them. Contrast the
sentence “I ate a steak yesterday” with the following:
“At lunchtime yesterday, I plunged my fork into a steak the

size of an encyclopaedia & sawed off a juicy morsel of some of
the tenderest, bloodiest red meat I’ve eaten in ages. As the
sharp aroma of the green peppercorn sauce reached my nose,
I smacked my lips & let out a loud “Mmmmm”, savouring
mouthful after delicious mouthful of smoky fillet.”

States
States are configurations of physiology and neurology, body and
mind. The following words can be thought of as descriptions of
certain states:
• Love • Creativity • Fear

• Happiness • Flow • Focus
• Confidence • Nervousness • Comfort
• Sadness • Amusement • Relaxation
• Joy • Affection • Trance
Each of these words describes a different experience for each

person.
Problems & Solutions

When people are experiencing a specific problem, there is typically
a state associated with that problem. Similarly, when a person
finds a solution, or experiences the resource they need to provide
that solution, it too is usually ‘wrapped’ in a state. For this reason,
the ability to alter your own or someone else’s state is very useful.
External Signs
There are usually external signals that accompany a particular
state. When you imagine someone who is feeling ecstatic, they are
likely to look different to someone who is feeling down. These
differences are also likely to be evident in voice analogues (eg.
Tone, volume) and many other external signals.
Eliciting States
If you want someone else to access a great state (Eg. Excitement),
go there first yourself. If you are telling a story where a character
was experiencing pleasure, feel that pleasure yourself & it will come
out in the story. Your listeners will pick this up & respond to it.
When they do, you can anchor it (see ‘Anchoring’).

Anchoring
An anchor is any representation in the human nervous system that
triggers any other representation. For instance, the word ‘lion’ will
immediately trigger images, sounds etc associated with the word
lion. The word ‘chocolate’ will trigger different associations. These
words are anchors. Anchors can operate in any representation
system. Some examples:
• tonal (eg. the special way a certain person has of saying your
name)
• tactile (eg. The effect of a certain type of handshake)
• visual (eg. The way people respond to certain items of clothing)
• olfactory (eg. The effect of smelling fresh lemons)
• gustatory (eg. The taste of your favourite food)
Once again, an anchor is any representation in the human nervous

system that triggers any other representation. It is conceptually
similar to Pavlovian conditioning (ie. bells and salivating dogs), with
the exception that it is often possible to set an anchor with a single
trial.
Setting anchors
Anchoring is particularly useful for helping people to recreate certain
states. In order to get a ‘strong’ anchor for the state, it is
important to
a) ensure that you have a powerful example of the state to work

with
b) anchor in as many rep systems as possible
c) set the anchor just before the state peaks
d) fire the anchor accurately. Precision counts!
When doing hypnosis, your voice is

a rich source of powerful anchors.
 Tip: When you (or someone you are with) are experiencing
something you want to have more of, anchor it.
 Challenge: Practice setting and firing anchors with the people

you meet from day to day. Choose a different rep system
each day and notice how many naturally occurring anchors
you can find.

Pacing & Leading
Whenever you set out to influence someone, there is great value in
meeting them at their ‘map of the world’ before you start the
process of leading them somewhere new. In NLP, this process is
referred to as ‘pacing and leading’; making statements (for
instance) about the current ‘reality’ for an individual or group before
directing their attention somewhere else. For example…
Every Friday at 7am, I go to a business networking group (BNI)

where I get the opportunity to do a 60 second ‘commercial’ for
services that I offer. I will often start my commercial with
something like the following:
“We’re here at BNI, it’s Friday morning, and it’s early, and you
may be wondering what I’m going to tell you about today…
because we’ve all come here for a reason, and the reason is
to build our businesses, so I know you’re going to be
interested in helping me build mine etc… ”
On the face of it, this is a fairly ordinary intro, but as you look more
closely at the way the statements are structured, you may begin to
notice that there is a mixture of things that are ‘true’ and things
that are more ‘speculative’.
‘True’ – Pacing ‘Speculative’ – Leading

• We’re here • you may be wondering what
• it’s Friday morning I’m going to tell you about
• it’s early today
• we’ve come here for a reason • I know you’re going to be
• the reason is to build our interested in helping me build
businesses mine
When pacing and leading is done elegantly, it is possible to move

from saying mostly things which are ‘verifiably true’ to saying
mostly things which are ‘made up’ without the listener(s) noticing
the transition. The overall shape / structure is as follows:
Pace – pace – pace - lead

Pace – pace – lead – lead
Pace – lead – lead – lead
Lead – lead – lead – lead… (+an occasional pace)
Pacing and leading often sounds ‘clunky’ at first, but as you practice
it more and more, you’ll begin to find yourself doing it
spontaneously, without even planning it consciously.

Powerful Language
Language is one of the most profound influences on the way human
beings shape their reality. Your ability to use language skilfully with
intention will become one of the most powerful influencing ‘tools’
you possess. Language is processed by your unconscious. As
people listen to words, they make pictures, sounds, feelings, tastes
& smells in order to make sense of the words. While people often
believe they are in conscious control of the decisions they make, the
unconscious has much more to do with it than they think. It is
possible to communicate directly with a person’s unconscious mind,
bypassing the conscious mind. The following language patterns are
some examples of how ‘indirect hypnosis’ can be applied to gently
persuade people in many different situations. NB – make sure you
have rapport before you use these patterns.
Quotes
Milton Erickson used to say “Use quotes to tell people what to do.”
When you put something in quotes, it gets attributed to someone
else. When you put a command in quotes, it gets processed by the
unconscious, but not by the conscious. When Bandler & Grinder
said “Learn to use quotes immediately”, they knew what they were
talking about. As soon as I realised the power of quotes, I said to
myself “Start using quotes in everything you do.”
Embedded commands
You can embed a command in a larger sentence – just think of what
you want someone to do, make it into a command, then create a
larger sentence that can contain it. (Eg. “When I first decided to,
you know, learn to embed commands, I was excited by the
prospect.” or “I remember last time you decided to give me a pay
rise, I was really made up!”
Analogue marking
You can enhance embedded commands by marking them out with
some other behaviour (Eg. shift in voice tone, raised eyebrows, a
touch etc). You can even mark out different words in one or more
sentences (Eg. I really hope my time off will give me a chance to
look at the high rise apartment being built next door.” or “I think
the time you’ve spent on this is a sign now that we can explore
some exciting opportunities.)

Powerful Language (continued…)
Negation
Negation allows you to say outrageously overt things without taking
responsibility for them. Hooray! Don’t start thinking about how
useful this could be yet, because we’ve hardly started to explore it.
Negatives are not processed by the nervous system in the same
way that they are linguistically (eg. The command “Don’t think of a
purple hippopotamus” is difficult to obey.) So if you’re going to use
them, use them to send someone somewhere useful. (Eg. “Don’t
start thinking about how much fun you’re going to have with this,
because we’ve got a lot more info to get through.” or “I wouldn’t
ask you to only focus on our strengths, because that would be
unfair.”)
Benefit headlining
Would you like to know how you can get people to pay 75% more
attention to what you say? Put a headline in front of it. If you use
a headline (just like a newspaper does) that contains a valuable
benefit for the person you are influencing, they will be much more
likely to listen to what follows. If you frame it as a question, you
can get immediate feedback on how interested they will be (see the
first line of this paragraph.)
Tag questions
‘Tag questions’ are the name for the small phrases like “isn’t it”,
“aren’t they” etc that people sometimes add to the end of
sentences. When someone adds a tag question, it makes the
sentence difficult to disagree with, doesn’t it. And it’s useful to be
able to make things tough to disagree with, is it not. I’m sure you
can think of lots of situations where tag questions could be useful,
can’t you. If you combine the tag question with a slow head nod
and command tone down (see Voice Control), it becomes almost
irresistible, doesn’t it.
Linkage
There are a number of useful patterns to learn, and linkage is one
of the most powerful, because it allows you to create a smooth flow
in your language while the other person becomes entranced with
what you are saying. Use words such as as, and, while, because
etc to create linkage between words & phrases, and you’ll create a
smooth flow for the listener, because it’s nice to listen to someone
who’s easy to listen to, isn’t it.

Ambiguity
English is a very ambiguous language, and using ambiguity can
induce mild confusion, as well as allowing you to say things that can
process in multiple ways. There are four kinds of ambiguity in the
English language:
• Phonological – meaning two words that sound the same but mean
different things. As eye right this ewe can sea watt eye mean.
• Punctuation – Where two phrases are combined to make a run-on

sentence can be strange to hear at first.
• Syntactic – Because persuading persuaders can be tricky. And

influencing skills can be enjoyable. And learning ambiguities can
be fun.
• Scope – Ambiguous words and phrases sometimes are part of a

scope ambiguity where it is unclear which parts of a sentence an
adjective applies to. Eg. “I spoke to the clever women and men.”
It is unclear whether the word clever applies to both the women &
the men, or just the women.
Analogue marking
You can mark out phrases in your communication, using any
perceivable behaviour, such as facial expressions, eyebrow
movements, voice tone change, a gesture etc. The unconscious will
process the marked out element of what you are saying as a
separate communication, outside conscious awareness. Merely
choose the covert communication you wish to mark out, then do it!
By now, you probably can begin to see how this could be used.
Presupposition
One of things that you’ll begin to notice as you start to use become
more aware of language is the power of presuppositions. A
presupposition is something that must be accepted as true for the
sentence to make sense. To use presuppositions, think of what you
want your influencee to accept as fact, then construct a sentence
that presupposes it. You can stack presuppositions to make them
even more difficult to resist. One of the things you’ll really start to
become aware of as you continue to practice these more and more
is just how much fun you can have with them!

Embedded questions
An embedded question is merely a question embedded in a larger
structure. If you are in rapport with someone, they will respond
unconsciously to a question embedded in a larger structure, as
though it was asked directly. For example, if I want to know if
someone is ready to close, I might say “With some people I’ll just
get a feeling that I can ask ‘Are you ready to do a deal’, but with
others, they have more questions to ask.” When I say the ‘Are you
ready to do a deal’ bit, I watch for unconscious responses (eg. head
nod) – then I know whether they’re ready or not.
Rhetorical questions
Do you like to feel good? Rhetorical questions are questions that
don’t require an answer, but generate ‘yes’ responses. Use them to
get people saying yes from the outset.
Time
You can use language to shift people’s awareness through time.
Back before you started this training, you may not have believed
that was so, but now, as you consider just how much you’ve
learned, you may start to become curious about the many ways
that you can, in the future, start to become more comfortable using
language in this way. When you imagine yourself six months from
now, having really learned how to use these patterns skilfully, you
can look back to the present and realise just how far you’ve come.
 Tip: Get a ringbinder with a section for each of these patterns

then practice writing out examples pertinent to your influence
goals. You will be amazed at how powerful this will be.

Voice Control
Your voice is probably your most powerful tool as a persuader.
Your ability to speak with flexibility and control can have dramatic
results. You can practice learning to control & vary…
• Tone
• Pitch
• Rate
• Rhythm
• Volume
• Timbre
• and many other voice ‘analogues’
As you start to listen more closely to other people speak, you will
begin to recognise the differences in the ways other people speak.
While matching their voice analogues can be powerful for building
rapport, there are some other key features which are also good to
know:
Command tone down

The pitch & tone of voice you use toward the end of a sentence
determines at a deep unconscious level what ‘kind’ of sentence it is:
• Rising pitch  gets processed as a question.

• Level pitch  gets processed as a statement.
• Descending pitch  gets processed as a command.
Which do you think is most useful to use when making suggestions

to the people you wish to influence?

Stories
Stories and metaphors are some of the most powerful tools for
influence and persuasion. When you tell someone a story, they look
to their own experience to make sense of it. Better yet, they tend
to let down their conscious shields when you start telling a story.
You can use stories to…
• Pace people’s experience

• Put people at their ease
• Amplify a potential risk of not making a certain decision.
• Captivate their attention
• Change the meaning of something (Eg. an objection)
• Tell them how / what to think about something
• Get them to access certain resources (eg. decisiveness)
• Act as camouflage for nifty language (Eg. embedded commands)
• Get people to drop their guard
• Get them to imagine themselves enjoying your proposition
• Etc etc etc
I remember when I first started studying NLP. I was reading a book

about using NLP in the workplace, and it mentioned metaphor and
storytelling. I thought “I don’t know any stories”, but my partner
said to me “Everything in your life is a story, it just depends how
you look at it.” I started to think about it, then I said to myself
“You know lots of stories, you just never thought about them that
way before.” I started to make a list of all the experiences I’d had
that could be told as a story. There were hundreds of them. Now I
use them all the time!
Stories are like gestures or eye movements – they’re there all the
time, it’s just a matter of noticing them.
When someone has a certain problem or need, a story about

someone else who had that problem or need and had it solved will
be very powerful – use this fact to streamline your persuasion.
 Tip: Start making a list of the stories you already know.

Events that have happened to you or your friends, films
you’ve seen, stories you’ve heard: all of these count.

What is a Metaphor?
A metaphor can be described as something which stands for something
else. In Metaphor (1972), Terence Hawkes defined metaphor thus:
“The word metaphor comes from the Greek word metaphora

derived from meta meaning ‘over’, and pherein, ‘to carry’. It
refers to a particular set of linguistic processes whereby
aspects of one object are ‘carried over’ or transferred to
another object, so that the second object is spoken of as if it
were the first.”
For the purposes of this training, the word metaphor will be used to
refer to all of the following:
• Metaphors
• Similes
• Stories
• Anecdotes
• Tall tales
• Factual explanations
• Jokes
Stories are one of the most powerful resources there is. You can
use stories to…
• Put people at their ease, build rapport & pace their experience
• Elicit states & gather resources (eg. decisiveness)
• Induce age regression (take them back to childhood)
• Captivate their attention
• Speak to the unconscious mind
• Illustrate a point
• Grab your audience’s attention
• Get people to take off their armour & overturn objections
• Reframe / change the meaning of something (eg. a problem)
• Tell them how to think about something
• Induce trance in your audience
• Install strategies
• Do covert rehearsal
• Disassociate people
• Change beliefs
• Do covert changework & healing
• And generally act as great camouflage

More About Metaphors
The human mind can be modelled as having both a conscious & an
unconscious aspect. While the conscious mind is logical, analytical
& sequential, your unconscious is intuitive, associative, & given to
creative leaps.
Metaphors take advantage of the associative ability of the

unconscious to communicate a lot of information quickly (&
sometimes covertly). They do this by inviting us to map across
certain qualities of the metaphor (Y) to some other situation (X).
For example:
My love (X) is like a red red rose (Y).
This invites us to focus on certain qualities, while ignoring other

aspects:
Qualities Brought Qualities

Into Focus Ignored
• Beauty • Chemical reactions
• Fragrance • Pupil dilation
• Thorniness • Heartache etc
• Alive
• Transiency
While in this case, a clear and obvious comparison has been made,
it has been noticed that people do this ‘mapping across’ whether a
comparison is invited or not. For instance, people watching a film
will often identify with one of the characters, putting themselves
into the protagonists shoes.
Milton Erickson (the famous hypnotherapist) would tell stories which

his clients would then apply (unconsciously) to the problems &
challenges they faced in their lives. He knew that when you tell
someone a story, they do what influence expert Chris Tomasulo
calls a ‘me too’ - they unconsciously search through their own
experience to find a personal reference for what you’re saying (this
is one of the reasons why people often respond to a story by telling
a similar one of their own.) The fact that the search for references,
the ‘meaning-making’ function, is unconscious explains why
metaphors can be so powerful. The unconscious mind is always
involved.

Tips for Storytelling
Here are a few tips to help you enrich your storytelling:
a) Make a list of stories & practice telling them to people.
b) Stories from your personal experience generally have more

impact than borrowed ones.
c) Have a communication goal in mind for the person/people you

are telling the story to.
d) Pay attention as you speak & notice the response you’re

getting. If you don’t like the response, change ‘direction’.
e) Have a beginning, middle & end.
f) Use rich, sensory language to activate all five senses.
g) Write out stories to tune them & ‘wire them in’.
h) Use detail to engage people & make them enter fully into your
‘reality’.
i) Use symbols to activate deep cultural meanings.
j) Choose stories that will be relevant / interesting to your

audience.
k) Build movement & drama using suspense, mystery, shock or

surprise.
l) Use your body & voice expressively to intensify the emotions

in your story.

Tips for Using Hypnotic Language
1. Establish & maintain rapport.
2. Use sensory-rich language.
3. People respond to emotions, so go there first yourself.
4. ‘Analogue mark' key phrases (E.g. with a gesture, a touch,

lowered voice tone, a raised eyebrow etc) to send commands
to a person’s unconscious mind.
5. End your suggestions with a descending voice tone for

increased authority.
6. Start speaking even if you don't know what you're going to

say to complete it your sentence. Word selection is an
unconscious function, so your unconscious can take care of it.
7. Set a goal for your communication (E.g. for the person to

access their resources, learn quickly, relax easily, be
successful etc). Then allow your unconscious to help reflect
this in your suggestions.
8. Write out examples of language patterns to wire them into

your neurology at a deep level.
9. Play makes learning fast and fun, so use games to increase

your learning speed. Then you can become curious about just
how quickly your unconscious will begin to surprise you by
allowing these patterns to emerge in your language
spontaneously!

Criteria
Every person has things which are important to them. At a high
level, we refer to these as values (eg. freedom, security,
adventure), but people also have ‘values’ within a given context.
These are referred to as criteria.
Ask a person “What is important to you in your work?” and they will
tell you what their criteria are for their work (Eg. helping people,
doing a good job, money.) Ask the same person what is important
to them when choosing somewhere to live, and you are likely to get
different criteria, because the context is different. Criteria are
context-dependent.
A person’s criteria in an influence situation are their ‘hot buttons’

within that context. If a person is buying insurance, and says
“flexibility, portability and reliability” are what’s most important to
them, then those specific words are anchors for their criteria in that
context. When you want to let the person know how what you’re
offering or suggesting gives them benefit, USE THEIR EXACT
CRITERIA WORDS & PHRASES (in a subtle way) to let them know
you understand.
So, how do you elicit peoples’ criteria? The first way is just to
listen, and you’ll hear them jump out (“We went to Greece last year
& the place we stayed was so CONVENIENT, right next to the
airport.”) The second way is to tell stories that refer to your criteria
in the context. Many people will tell a related story about
themselves that reveals their criteria. The third way is to use
specific questions to elicit someone’s criteria in a context, such as:
• “What’s important to you about [context]?”

• “What do you look for in a [context]?”
Once you have someone’s criteria, you can unpack them by asking
someone “How do you know when you’ve got [criteria]?” They’ll
give you information about their process or equation that allows
them to know they’ve got that criteria. If they go ‘inside’, ask
“What has to happen for you to get that?” For example…
Q: How do you know when you’ve got freedom?”

A: I just get a great feeling inside.
Q: What has to happen for you to get that?
A: I need to know that I can make my own decisions.
Let them know how what you’re offering satisfies their criteria.

Instant Replay (Decision Strategies)
Human beings are very patterned, and most people make important
decisions in the same way every time. Want to know how you can
find out how to persuade someone to make a decision in your
favour? First, find out how they make that sort of decision, then
structure your communication accordingly.
The process a person uses for making a decision is their ‘decision

strategy’. To find what someone’s decision strategy is in a given
context, just ask how they did it last time…
“I’d like you to think of one of the times you made this sort of
decision and, every time you think of it, you know it was a good
decision. [wait for confirmation] How did you decide that?”
At this point WATCH & LISTEN as they run you through their
decision strategy. Things to pay attention to include:
• Sensory language
• Criteria
• Number & content of the steps
• Gestures
• Eye movements
Once you know what the strategy is, you can structure your
persuasion process in the same way.
NB: It is important to elicit the strategy they used for something

they are happy with.

Asking for Miracles
One of my favourite ways of persuading someone when there is
limited time is to get in rapport & then ask the following question:
“What would have to have happened by the end of this

session for you to say ‘Jamie, I want you to come & work with
me & my team?’”
In order to answer the question, the person has to imagine getting

to the end of the session & being delighted (which is just where I
want them) then gives me some criteria for getting there. This
approach can be particularly useful for people offering professional
services, where the session is (to some extent) an opportunity for
them to demonstrate the services they are offering.
I once used this approach with the VP for Sales of a blue-chip

company. I had never met him before, and managed to get an
hour with him. I asked him the above question, then I watched &
listened. He briefly accessed a certain state then said “I’d have to
get something I could use to remain calm in difficult situations.” He
had already shown me how he accessed that state, so it was fairly
straightforward for me to get him back into it, anchor it, then close
the deal!

Dealing with Objections
The idea of objections is a natural part of the persuasion process,
and you have a choice about when to deal with them. They tell you
about what your influence subject is thinking, & can give you
information about their needs. You can deal with objections…
• before they arise, or…

• after they arise
Dealing with objections before they arise

The great advantage of dealing with objections before they arise is…
they never arise! Here’s how you do it:
• Predict the objection or objections that your influencee is most

likely to have, then either…
• Deal with it in advance using the OBJECTION COUNTERMEASURES TM
detailed below, or…

• State the objection in an unpleasant tonality (whining, for
instance), eg. “Some people say ‘oooohhhh that’s so much
money’ but I know that you appreciate the value that you’re
going to get from this.”
It’s as simple as that. Unconsciously, no-one wants to associate

themselves with the whiny voice, so they disassociate themselves
from their objection. Now, I’ve taught this method to a number of
people, and some of them say (hear this in a really unpleasant
tone) – “I can’t imagine myself using that silly tone of voice when I
talk to my customers” but I know that you can already appreciate
just how powerful this is going to be for you. NB – This is one
place where bad tonality is really important – this method of
inoculating against objections relies on it.
Allow yourself to start to identify in advance the objections your

influence subject is likely to have, then defuse them with a whiny
voice.
 Challenge: Identify the main objections you get and practice

stating them in a whiny / bad tonality voice. Then build your
intuition by guessing what objections you will get from an
individual and use this approach to inoculate against them.

Dealing with objections after they arise
If an objection does arise, here’s a meta-pattern you can use to
deal with it:
1) Check that you’re in rapport. If you are, great. If not,

re-establish rapport through matching & mirroring.
2) Pace the objection (Eg. if someone says “it’s too

expensive” you can say “I understand you think it’s too
expensive”)
3) Find the intent & gather information. Find the positive

intent behind the objection. Also, establish whether or not
it’s the real objection (Eg. “If we can resolve this cost
issue, can we go ahead with the deal?”) If price isn’t the
real objection, they’ll tell you what it really is. Gather the
information you need to help them solve their problem.
4) Apply OBJECTION COUNTERMEASURESTM. Choose the one of the

countermeasures and apply it.
OBJECTION COUNTERMEASURESTM
Here are some of the most powerful countermeasures to use once
you have identified a genuine objection:
• Safe Space – Get them to imagine a future where the objection

doesn’t apply. People will sometimes express interest in one of
my courses, then say “I can’t afford it.” I’ll say “If money were no
object, what benefits would you get from coming on this course?”
This gives them a safe space to imagine coming on it and feel
good. It’s much easier to influence someone when they are in a
safe space!
• Reframing – When you reframe someone’s objection, you change

it’s meaning. I once heard the objection “I’m worried – What if I
train my people and then they leave.” The response: “Even
worse, what if you don’t train your people and they stay.” Find a
way to change the meaning of someone’s objection.
• Metaphor – A metaphor can be a powerful way to overturn an

objection. Tell them a story about someone else who had that
objection & overcame it, giving their reasons. Metaphor can be a
powerful reframing tool.

Stacking Benefits
People buy benefits. When you are setting out to persuade or
influence someone, it is a matter of stacking up the benefits (highly
valued ‘pluses’ they get as a result of going your way) and anti-
benefits (‘minuses’ they risk as a result of not going your way) so
that they decide to go with your suggestion. Many of the tools and
techniques in this training will help you to smooth the passage, but
benefits & anti-benefits provide the motivation.
It is your job as a persuader to identify the person’s

problems, needs, wants & desires & find a way that what
you are offering can satisfy them, then communicate it to
them.
Simple enough. In addition to the benefits a person states, there

are also what Chris Tomasulo refers to as ‘hidden wants & needs’.
Alongside ‘hidden fears’, they are very powerful in influencing
someone’s decisions.
People Like People Don’t Like

(hidden wants / needs) (hidden fears)
• The familiar / predictable • The unknown
• Winning • Losing out
• Feeling clever or superior • Feeling stupid
• Being seen to make a smart • Being seen to make a mistake
move • Cost
Objections can often result from people’s hidden needs & fears –
they won’t mention them, but they’re there. You can find ways to
alleviate people’s unspoken fears & needs. Ideally, address them
before they ever get a chance to cause you problems.
If you get a rejection from someone after establishing credibility, it

is either because you haven’t stacked up the benefits, or because
you haven’t addressed the hidden needs & fears.

Cialdini’s Six Principles of Influence
In Robert Cialdini’s excellent book Influence: The Psychology of
Persuasion he identifies six principles of influence that operate on
human beings at a level below conscious awareness, as follows:
• Reciprocity – When we do something for someone else, they feel

a sense of debt towards us. If you have something of value you
can legitimately give to your influence subject, then do so. When
they say thanks, say “You’d do the same for me” to harness the
reciprocity in the situation.
• Liking / Likeness – We like people who are like us – this is part

of the power of rapport. Find elements of likeness with another
person, & you will build trust. Also, find something you like about
them, and focus on it. It feels good to be with someone who likes
you!
• Scarcity – People can be motivated by scarcity. If they think

there is a limited amount of something, they will want it more.
This is heightened if there is competition for the scarce resource.
If there are legitimate scarcities in your influence domain, tell
people about it & reap the rewards (while supplies last.)
• Authority / Credibility – People will respond more favourably to

your message when you have credibility or authority. Find ways
to build your credibility, establish yourself as an expert, let people
know about your qualifications. When presenting your case, admit
a weakness or limitation first – this also builds credibility.
• Consistency – People like what’s familiar. When you

demonstrate consistency, people respond. You can also use the
fact that people don’t like to appear ‘flaky’. Find a way to get
someone to ‘go on record’ about something, and they will be more
likely to stick to it in future.
• Social Proof – Many people tend to do what others are doing,

hence the power of testimonials. Always find ways to show your
influencee how other people have benefited.
 Challenge: Identify where these six principles are already

available to you within your existing persuasion contexts, then
start to capitalise on them.

Questions
Questions are extremely powerful, and guide people’s awareness in
certain directions. The more questions you ask, the more
opportunities you get to watch, listen & strategise based on the
patterns they are showing you. As usual, rapport counts – have the
questioning be gentle, not Paxmanesque. You can ease into the
questions with softeners like ‘I understand, and…’ or ‘That’s
interesting…’. Here are some powerful questions:
Understanding the current situation

• What are the major issues you are facing at the moment?
• If you could change anything about your current service, what
would it be?
• What problems do you find with doing it this way?
• How are your expectations not yet being met?
Establishing Needs, Wants, Desires

• What do you want?
• How will you know you’ve got it? What will you see, feel & hear?
• If you woke up tomorrow & everything was just as you’d like it to
be, how would you know?
Amplifying awareness of problems

• What will things be like in (eg.) twelve months if you do nothing?
• What are you least happy with about your current (eg.) supplier?
Amplifying possibility
• What would have to happen for this to massively exceed your
expectations?

Bibliography
Metaphor, Terence Hawkes, Routledge, 1989
Neuro Hypnotic RepatterningTM Manual, Richard Bandler and John La

Valle, Society of NLP, 2001
Whispering In The Wind, John Grinder & Carmen Bostic St. Clair, J &
C Enterprises, 2001
Society of NLP Trainer Training Manual, Richard Bandler, McKenna

Breen, 1999

Reading & Resources
Persuasion & Influence (order the books at www.saladltd.co.uk)
• Irresistible Influence Cards, Smart: The fastest way there is to

build your persuasion & influence language skills, available at
www.saladltd.co.uk.
• Ericksonian Hypnosis Cards, Smart: The fastest way there is to

build your hypnotic language skills, available at
www.saladltd.co.uk.
• Persuasion Engineering, Bandler & La Valle: NLP and sales – from

two masters in the field.
• Influence: The Science of Persuasion, Robert Cialdini: Cialdini’s

seminal work on influence & persuasion.
• Unlimited Selling Power, Moine & Lloyd: The patterns of

Ericksonian hypnosis applied, pattern by pattern, to sales.
• www.emofree.com – Gary Craig’s website with the free

Emotional Freedom Therapy manual you can download. Great
for clearing ‘sales call reluctance’.
• www.covertcommunication.com – Chris Tomasulo’s persuasion

newsletter.
• Ethical Influence with NLP, Smart: An 8CD set focusing on

persuasion and influence, incorporating NLP, Hypnosis, Cialdini
and others in the field. Available at www.saladltd.co.uk
NLP
• NLP for Business & Personal Success, Smart: A 6CD set
introducing NLP and covering the core skills in the NLP skillset.
Available at www.saladltd.co.uk
• Frogs Into Princes, Bandler & Grinder: The first ‘popular’ NLP
book, this is a transcript of a number of seminars given by
Bandler and Grinder, and is packed with stories.
• NLP: The New Technology of Achievement, NLP Comprehensive:

A bumper crop of ‘personal development’ NLP techniques and
some background about the field.

Appendix A – Exercises

Pacing & Leading
1. A thinks of a situation in which they become deeply involved
with a limited focus of attention, and names it (one word). B
& C take turns describing what must be in A’s experience.
1. Repeat exercise 1, but B & C limit their descriptions to what

must be there in sensory experience. B & C, match your
speaking pace to the pace of person A’s breathing.
2. Ask A to close their eyes, then describe their present

experience, making 3 verifiable statements followed by 1 non-
verifiable statement (use transition words like as, while, and,
because). After B & C have had several rounds, start
including descriptions of the experience from exercise 1.
When person A is as deeply into the experience as before,
start violating the principles of trance (voice speed, smooth
pacing, transitions etc.)
3. Describe A’s present experience, using 4 sensory-based

descriptions (verifiable) followed by 1 internal description
(non-verifiable.) Follow this by 3 verifiable & 2 non-verifiable,
2 verifiable & 3 non-verifiable etc.
4. Repeat exercise 4, cycling through the three main

representation systems (VAK) as you do so.
5. Now use the skills you’ve learned to guide A into a trance,

then give them positive suggestions for learning, enjoyment
and feeling good.
Other trance inductions you can investigate

• Re-accessing a previous trance state
• Overlapping representational systems
• Naturally occurring trance states
• Non-verbal inductions
• Leverage induction
• Pattern interrupts
• Overload
• Personal power
• Stacking realities
Adapted from Trance-formations by Bandler & Grinder, 1981

This version 2002Jamie Smart, All Rights Reserved

Representation Systems Exercises
1) Read the following sentence & notice what effect it has:
“I ate a steak yesterday”
The sentence is fairly unspecified &, unless you are a Hindu, a

staunch vegetarian or very very hungry, may have had little or no
impact on you. Contrast this with the following:
“At lunchtime yesterday, I plunged my fork into a steak the

size of an encyclopaedia & sawed off a juicy morsel of some of
the tenderest, bloodiest red meat I’ve eaten in ages. As the
sharp aroma of the green peppercorn sauce reached my nose,
I smacked my lips & let out a loud “Mmmmm”, savouring
mouthful after delicious mouthful of smoky fillet.
2) Write out the following sentences, using the language of all

five senses.
• I walked through the park this morning.

• I saw a very attractive person this afternoon.
• I had a delicious desert last night.
• I watched a great film the other day.
• I sat in the garden yesterday.
• I lay in a hot bath yesterday evening.

Reframing
Content Reframe (in groups of 3, choose A, B & C)
1. A states a complaint or issue, taking the form “I feel X when Y

happens.”
2. B generates a reframe of the complaint by asking themselves

“What else could this (Y) mean?”, “What else could this (X)
mean?” or “What else could this situation mean?”
3. B thinks of several alternative ways to deliver the reframe &

chooses one.
4. B asks A to repeat the complaint.
5. B delivers the reframe. B & C observe A’s responses.
Context Reframe (in groups of 3, choose A, B & C)
1. A states a complaint, taking the form “I’m too X.” or “He’s too
Y.”
2. B generates a reframe of the complaint by asking themselves

“In what contexts would the characteristic they’re complaining
about have value?”
3. B thinks of several alternative ways to deliver the reframe &

chooses one.
4. B asks A to repeat the complaint.
5. B delivers the reframe. B & C observe A’s responses.

Expressive Storytelling Exercises
Done in pairs, A & B
1. A tells B a story with the intention of a) holding their attention

& b) eliciting a certain state. When B goes into the state, A
anchors it.
2. Repeat exercise 1, with A being highly expressive. Be sure to

include:
• Extremes of volume
• Different tonalities
• Different facial expressions
Again, anchor the state or states elicited.
3 Repeat exercise 2, with A using characterisation, ie. ‘act as if’

you are the different characters or states as you access them,
using tonality, expression, mimicry, gestures, etc. Clowning
is permitted. Again, anchor the state or states elicited.
4. Repeat exercise 3, interrupting the story part way through to

tell a second story. When the second story is complete, finish
the first story. Again, anchor the state or states elicited.
5. Repeat exercise 4, setting an additional goal for rapid learning

etc. Use all your hypnotic language skills to deliver
suggestions to B. Again, anchor the state or states elicited.

Daily Coaching Tip Number 249 - July 1, 2001 If you enjoy this tip, please
forward it on!
I remember being told as a child that: "You were given two ears and one mouth
so that you could listen twice as much as you talk".
Partly, no doubt, motivated by my love of talking, (a preference which will come as no

surprise to regular readers of these tips), I was quick to realize that I'd also been
given two nostrils and one rear-end, though I must admit that I couldn't for the life of
me figure out the implications of that one! :-) Fortunately, as I matured, I did come to
recognize the benefits of listening in building and healing relationships of every kind.
A particular variation of listening that I developed for myself was what I call "whole-
body" listening - listening with my eyes and heart as well as my ears.
It came as no surprise to me when I first came across the oft-quoted research of

Professor Alfred Mehrabian. Mehrabian set up studies in incongruent communication
- i.e., communication in which a person was giving off "mixed messages".
Experimenters would attempt to convey one message with their body and/or tonality
(for example "I love you"), and a different message with their words (for example,
"You're a horrible person.")
Unsurprisingly to anyone who's ever attempted to ask directions in a foreign country

or talked utter nonsense to a baby or small child, test subjects responded 55% of the
time to the message being conveyed through body language, 38% of the time to the
message being conveyed through tonality, and a staggeringly low 7% of the time to
the actual words being used! Now, it occurred to me that if over 50% of listening is
picking up on pure body language and energy, (or what my fellow Southern
Californians call
"vibe" :-), we should be able to usefully continue listening to someone even when
they stop speaking. Yet as I studied listening more carefully, I began to notice a
curious phenomenon - even the best and most effective listeners switched off their
antennae as soon as they began to speak. The very same people who could
empathize so wonderfully with a disgruntled employee or pick up on the limiting
assumptions in a client's litany of woes were utterly unable to notice when they were
boring their conversation partners rigid at a dinner party.
Imagine you're flying a sophisticated fighter plane in the midst of a midair dogfight. If
the plane's radar only registered whenever the enemy plane was firing, you might
well be able to avoid the worst of the incoming barrage, but you would effectively be
"firing blind" when it came to your own attempts. Similarly, the danger with only
listening when the other person is talking is that any purposeful conversation is a kind
of an ongoing feedback loop – I say something to you, and based on your reaction, I
adapt my communication accordingly. If I stop listening to you the moment I open my
mouth, I lose the feedback and can no longer effectively "aim" my communication.
Today's experiment is surprisingly difficult for most people when they first try it, but
with a bit of practice it will utterly transform your communication (and your
relationships!) for the better...
Today's Experiment:
1. Choose any item in your immediate environment and begin to describe it aloud.
Keep your attention on the object you are describing as you are describing it. When
you are comfortable doing that, proceed to step two.

2. Now, switch back and forth between describing the object aloud and telling a story
about it, still keeping your attention at all times on the object you are describing..
ex. "This ring is gold with little knobbly bits on it and it was made by a jeweler named
John Scott in Camden Lock and it's round and it has some dimpled impressions in
the gold and my wife has an identical ring with diamonds in the dimples that I got her
for our first anniversary and it has a bit of dirt which has collected between the
knobbly bits, etc."
You're ready to move on to step three when you can switch between description and
story without having to re-direct your attention inwards to figure out what to say next.
3. Choose a conversation to practice with where it would be OK if you were not

particularly effluent. (i.e., don't try this for the first time while attempting to close that
million dollar sale or when trying to convince your partner that you really do love
them)! Decide that for the duration of this conversation, you will practice the hidden
art of "listening while talking".
4. When you are engaged in the conversation, set the intention of keeping your
attention on the other person both when you are listening and when you are talking. If
you notice your attention wandering or you become aware that you've "gone inside"
your head, gently bring your attention back to the other
person.
When you can keep your attention firmly on the other person and still make intelligent
conversation, you are ready to bring this skill to bear in your more important
conversations and exchanges, be they in a role as coach, partner, trainer,
salesperson, or friend.
Bonus Tip - Communicating vs. "Thinking Aloud" Not all talking is for the
purpose of communication. Sometimes, we speak purely in order to hear ourselves
think. In these instances, it is best to let your attention wander where it will.
Have fun, learn heaps, and keep listening!
Until tomorrow,
The Coach
PS - If you enjoyed this week's tip, you may want to consider attending our
teleclass on "Creating Conversational Change". Click on the link or visit
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More Information
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About the Author
Jamie Smart is the Managing Director of Salad Seminars Ltd,
as well as the principal trainer. He spent much of the
nineties leading large, mission-critical business projects and
change programmes. In the process, he found that
individual change is the key to collective change, and
became fascinated with helping people achieve the results
they want. This fascination led him to NLP, and he has spent
from 1996 to the present day learning from the finest
teachers and materials, and applying what he’s learned.
Jamie is an NLP Master Practitioner and is licensed by
Richard Bandler and the Society of NLP as a Trainer of
Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP).
Jamie is author of The NLP Tip, an e-zine which goes to thousands of people
around the world each week (available from www.saladltd.co.uk), as well as the
creator of Ericksonian Hypnosis CardsTM and many other products.
He lives in Leicestershire (UK). When he isn’t helping other people get what they
want, he likes going for long walks in the woods, listening to music and reading.
Acknowledgements
I’ve been fortunate to learn from a number of great NLP Trainers and other
innovative thinkers and teachers. Thanks to anyone whose efforts have made
their way into this work.
Specific thanks to…
• Richard Bandler • Robert Dilts

• John Grinder • Sid Jacobson
• Joseph Riggio • Jonathan Altfeld
• Eric Robbie • Robert Anton Wilson
• Jo Cooper • Ian Watson
• Peter Seal • Michael Neill
• Timothy Leary • John La Valle
• Marianne Williamson • Paul McKenna
• Michael Breen • Christina Hall
• Sháá Wasmund

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The Language Of

www.saladltd.co.uk -2- ©2004 Jamie Smart

“A systematic means of communicating ideas or feelings by the use

The above definition is typical of the dictionary definitions of

Language is a meta-map; a map of our internal maps and models.

The language a person uses is a reflection of their maps and models

www.saladltd.co.uk -3- ©2004 Jamie Smart

Persuasion & influence are not…

Persuasion & influence are

Influences on this training

This training draws on a number of different sources. The main

www.saladltd.co.uk -4- ©2004 Jamie Smart

Believe in your product / service / idea

Believe in the universe

www.saladltd.co.uk -5- ©2004 Jamie Smart

In Whispering in the Wind (2001), Grinder & St.Clair describe it

“(NLP) is a modelling technology whose specific subject

In the Society of NLP Trainer Training Manual (1999), Richard

“NLP is an attitude, characterised by the sense of curiousity and

www.saladltd.co.uk -6- ©2004 Jamie Smart

1. Know what you want (Outcome / Direction)

2. Get the attention of the unconscious mind (Rapport)

3. Know whether you’re getting what you want (Sensory

4. Adjust what you’re doing accordingly (Behavioural

www.saladltd.co.uk -7- ©2004 Jamie Smart

• The map is not the territory

• People make the best choice available to them at the time

• The meaning of the communication is the response you get.

• There is no failure, only feedback

• There is a solution to every problem

• There is enough of everything to go round

• People buy valued results

www.saladltd.co.uk -8- ©2004 Jamie Smart

Rapport can be established on many levels:

Rapport is a starting point for successful communication and

• Body posture • Vocal qualities • Facial expression

A simple test for rapport is to make some simple movement, like

 Challenge: Discover how many different ways you can

www.saladltd.co.uk -9- ©2004 Jamie Smart

• Body posture • Lower lip size

 Tip: Minimise your internal dialogue by breathing deeply,

 Challenge: Choose a different area of behaviour from the list

www.saladltd.co.uk - 10 - ©2004 Jamie Smart

offer the following description:

“Human beings experience themselves and the world they live in

When people are ‘thinking’, they are using representational systems

• Spoken language (see ‘Sensory Words’)

www.saladltd.co.uk - 11 - ©2004 Jamie Smart

Below are some examples of words that indicate a particular rep

Visual (see) See, perspective, view, focus, look, light, clear

“At lunchtime yesterday, I plunged my fork into a steak the

www.saladltd.co.uk - 12 - ©2004 Jamie Smart

• Love • Creativity • Fear

Each of these words describes a different experience for each

Problems & Solutions

www.saladltd.co.uk - 13 - ©2004 Jamie Smart

Once again, an anchor is any representation in the human nervous

a) ensure that you have a powerful example of the state to work

When doing hypnosis, your voice is