THE KIDS ARE

ALL RIGHT
Written by
Lisa Cholodenko & Stuart Blumberg

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. SCREENPLAY © 2010 BY TKA ALRIGHT LLC/UGC PH. NO

PORTION OF THIS SCRIPT MAY BE PERFORMED, PUBLISHED, REPRODUCED, SOLD
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 THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT
by

Lisa Cholodenko & Stuart Blumberg

June 12, 2009 - WHITE

June 24, 2009 - BLUE REVISION
June 30, 2009 - PINK REVISION
August 3,2009 - GOLDENROD REVISION
1 FADE UP ON: 1

The humming stillness of an American suburb on a summer’s

day: nannies push strollers, joggers jog, mailmen deliver,
dogs are walked, kids shoot hoop in wide open driveways.

On a quiet, tree-lined street we pick up two young athletic-

looking boys riding bikes. LASER ALLGOOD (15) and his
friend, CLAY (15).

Like bats out of hell they pass block after block of

charming, evenly spaced houses until they round a corner and
drop their bikes in front of a large ranch house.

2 INT. CLAY’S HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER 2

They walk inside. We HEAR a baseball game on TV in another
room.

3 INT. CLAY’S, BATHROOM - LATER 3

Clay pounds on blue pills with a hammer, reducing them to

powder. Laser watches.
LASER
I don’t know, dude.

Clay cuts the powder into lines with a school ID card.

CLAY
B minus in geometry, yo! This
shits the bomb!

Clay rolls up a dollar bill and takes a snort. Then hands

the rolled up bill to Laser.

CLAY (CONT’D)
Add it up, son.
Laser takes the bill, bends over and snorts a line.

4 INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - GIRL’S BEDROOM - DAY 4

Part Oxford reading room, part teenage girl’s lair. Leaning

against the bed we see JONI ALLGOOD (18). It’s her room.
She pours over a game of Scrabble.

Sitting next to Joni is her best girl friend, SASHA, (18).

Sasha’s checking out Joni’s FACEBOOK PAGE.
 2.

Joni’s best guy friend, JAI (18) sits across from her,
calculating his next Scrabble move.

SASHA
Oh my God, Joni, there are so many
hotties in your class. You are so
gonna hook up the first week.

JAI
Just cause you’re a 24 hour drive-
thru doesn’t mean everyone else has
to be...

SASHA
Hey, she worked her ass off! She
deserves some hot jock sausage!
Jai looks repulsed, and hurt.

SASHA (CONT’D)
(flip)
Whatever. Why don’t you guys just
do it and get it over with?

Joni and Jai blush. They’re both too scared to admit their
crush on each other.
SASHA (CONT’D)
What? I’m just asking.

JAI
Uh, maybe because we’re friends...

SASHA
Oh, really...?
Sasha turns to Joni like an agent provocateur.

5 INT. CLAY’S HOUSE - TV ROOM - LATER 5

Laser and Clay wrestle on the floor while Clay’s DAD watches
a baseball game on TV. They bump into the couch. Clay’s dad
looks back, menacing.

CLAY’S FATHER
Hey, ladies! Take it down a notch.

The boys keep wrestling, wired from the pills. Again, they
knock into the couch. Clay’s dad spins around, pissed.

CLAY’S FATHER (CONT’D)

What did I just say?!
 3.

The Dad grabs Clay, pulls him off of Laser and over the
couch. He gets his son in a headlock, forcing the boy’s face
into his big fat sweaty armpit. Both Dad and Clay enjoy the
brutal play. Clay laughs manically.

CLAY
Let me go!

CLAY’S FATHER
Don’t do the crime if you can’t do
the time.
CLAY
Dad, your pits smell like burnt
ass! Get off me!
As Laser observes this male-bonding between father and son,
we note a trace of longing on his face.

6 OMITTED. 6

7 OMITTED. 7

8 INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - DINING ROOM 8

Joni, Laser and JULES ALLGOOD (40’s) fair-skinned,

attractive, sit before well prepared dinner. Still buzzing,
Laser taps his fingers incessantly on the table.
JONI
Laser! Knock it off!

LASER
What?! I’m not doing anything.

9 EXT. HOUSE - ESTABLISHING - MAGIC HOUR 9

NIC ALLGOOD (late 40’s) pulls up into the driveway beside a
beat up white TRUCK covered in AA slogan bumper stickers.

10 INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - DINING ROOM - EVENING 10

Nic enters. Drops her bag and heads for the table.
NIC
Hi guys. Sorry I’m late.
 4.

JULES
Don’t worry. We just started.

NIC
27 fibroids. All in the lining.

She kisses Jules.

JULES
Honey, that’s disgusting. We’re
eating.
JONI
Did you do that laparoscopically?

NIC
That’s right, Smart Girl. And we
got ‘em all.

As Nic settles in...

NIC (CONT’D)
Hey, whose truck is that?

JULES
Mine.
NIC
Yours?

JULES
For the business.

NIC
What business?..
(getting edgy)
The gardening?

JONI
(protective)
Isn’t it landscaping.

JULES
Yes, thank you very much.

NIC
(strained)
Okay...
(then)
Do we have any Cabarnet left?

JULES
I didn’t look, honey.
 5.

Nic gets up and goes to the kitchen for wine. Laser’s cell
phone RINGS. He answers it.

LASER
Hey, what’s up?

Jules puts her hand on Laser’s arm.

JULES
Laser, no phone calls at the table.

LASER
(into phone)
Lemme hit you back.

Laser hangs up. Nic re-enters with a large glass of red.

NIC
(sitting down)
Who was that?
LASER
Nobody. Clay.

Jules and Nic share a look. Jules starts making maternal

windshield wiper strokes with her thumb on Laser’s arm.
JULES
Can I ask you something?
What do you get from your
relationship with Clay?
LASER
What do you mean, “get”?

Laser looks down at Jules’ thumb on his arm.

JULES
Do you feel like he’s the kind of
person who will help you grow?
LASER
Mom, you’re windshield wiping me.
NIC
Hey, did you start on those thank-
you notes for your birthday gifts?

JONI
Not yet. But I will...
 6.

NIC
I just think it’s easier to knock
them out when it’s fresh.
JONI
Yeah, I know, I’ll do them tonight.

NIC
Great...I mean, you don’t want to
have to start with an apology. You
know? Then it’s embarrassing.
JULES
Okay, honey. She got it. Let it
go.
NIC
Okay, I’ll let it go...
(then)
I mean, if it was up to you, our
kids wouldn’t even write thank-you
notes, they’d just send out good
vibes.

Nic takes another swig of vino and smiles at Joni through

increasingly plum-stained teeth.
NIC (CONT’D)
I can’t believe my baby’s 18.

JULES
I know...

NIC
(devolving into baby talk)
Big girl. You’re a big girl...
JONI
Mom...

Joni mimes wiping her teeth. Embarrassed, Nic starts licking

at her stained teeth.

11 INT. JONI’S BEDROOM - LATER THAT NIGHT 11

As Joni cranks out thank-you notes, Laser enters.

JONI
What?

Laser looks nervous.

 7.

LASER
Have you thought any more about,
you know, making that call...?
JONI
Yeah. I don’t want to.

LASER
Okay...I was just wondering if you
changed your mind.

JONI
I haven’t.

He starts to leave, but her answer bugs him. He turns back.

LASER
How can you not even be curious?

JONI
Sorry, Laser. I just don’t want
to, okay? I’m leaving soon and I
don’t want to deal with that right
now.
(co-dependent leak)
And also, that could really hurt
moms’ feelings...

LASER
God, why do you worry about them so
much? They don’t even have to know
about it!

JONI
Look, you can do it when you turn
18, okay?
LASER
I never ask you for anything.

Laser walks out of the room. Joni feels horrible.

12 INT. NIC AND JULES BEDROOM - THAT NIGHT 12

Nic and Jules lay in bed watching TV, unwinding from the day.

NIC
I just don’t understand why you
bought the truck now.
 8.

JULES
Because if I’m starting this
business I need something to haul
my equipment in.

NIC
Okay. It just seems a little
cart before the horse.
JULES
What does that mean?
NIC
Sweetie, you don’t even have any
clients yet.
JULES
Well you’re the one who’s always
telling me to “act as if!”

NIC
(back peddling)
That’s true. I do. You’re right.

The women settle back. Nic sees Jules feels bad.

NIC (CONT’D)
Look, I’m sorry. It’s good you
bought the truck. Its proactive.

Nic caresses Jules’ arm, wanting to make it better.

NIC (CONT’D)
Hey...

Jules doesn’t look at Nic. She keeps her eyes on the T.V.
NIC (CONT’D)
Wanna watch a movie?

Jules perks up. Nic immediately regrets her suggestion.

JULES
A movie-movie?

NIC
Yeah. We haven’t done that in a
while.
MINUTES LATER -- NIC AND JULES

are cozied up side-by-side facing the TV.

 9.

ANGLE ON - THE TV

The volume is turned low on TWO NAKED MEN lying on a chaise

longue. One guy fellating the other.

13 INT. STAIRCASE - SAME 13

Joni tiptoes up a dark staircase and enters an office off the

mom’s bedroom. She heads for the desk and stealthy opens a
drawer. She rummages though with clear intention.
She pulls out a FOLDER and studies the cover. We see the
words: “Pacific Cryo Clinic: Bringing your dreams to life.”

14 INT. BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER 14

ANGLE ON - THE BED

We now only see Nic. Jules has slipped under the blanket,
and is now between Nic’s legs. We see Nic trying to get into
it, but having a hard time.

NIC
I don’t like the guys in this one.
They’re too shaved.

JULES
Don’t focus on it.
NIC
How about the one with the biker
gang?

JULES
We left it in Hawaii.

Jules wrestles with the blankets. Wants them out of her way.

NIC
(pulling them back up)
I’m cold, honey.
JULES
Sorry. I couldn’t breathe.

Jules wrangles the blankets, trying to cover her partner.

The transition is awkward and Jules gets caught in the top
sheet. As Nic repositions herself, she leans on the VOLUME
CONTROL BUTTON and suddenly the porn is blasting at full
volume.
 10.

MAN IN MOVIE
Suck that fat cock mother-fucker...

NIC
Shit!! Where’s the remote?!

MAN IN MOVIE
I’m gonna fuck that tight ass!...
Jules and Nic both dive for the remote. It’s lost under the
mass of bedding. They struggle to find it as the grunting
and 70’s disco music blares.

15 INT. OFFICE - JONI 15

Joni turns to the wall, confused. She hears the porno music
pulsing though.

16 INT. BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER 16

Nic finally recovers the remote and hits mute.

NIC
Jesus Christ!
Nic flops back, traumatized.

NIC (CONT’D)
The whole neighborhood heard that!
JULES
No, they didn’t.

NIC
Well, that was a vibe kill.

Jules looks defeated.

17 INT. OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER 17

Joni turns back to the file on the desk. She flips though
some pages of documents and stops. CLOSE ON a PHOTO of a 4
YEAR-OLD BOY standing in a sandbox looking straight into a
camera with a big, open grin.

MATCH CUT TO:

 11.

18 EXT. FARM - DAY 18

We see that boy, 35 years later, carrying a box of tomatoes

and putting them in the back of a truck. This is PAUL, Joni
and Laser’s biological father.

19 INT. PAUL’S RESTAURANT - “WYSIWYG” - DAY 19

Paul walks in carrying the box of tomatoes. He approaches
TANYA, (30’s) the restaurant’s super sexy hostess.
PAUL
How you doing, foxy?

TANYA
Mm, flapjack, you’re smelling ripe.

PAUL
Oh, sorry...
TANYA
No, I like it. It’s earthy.

PAUL
What can I say. I’ve just been out
there, you know...hoe-ing.
(looking at the seating
chart)
How’s it looking tonight?
They stand close to each other, peering at the chart.

TANYA
Gonna be tight.
PAUL
Really...

Paul’s cell rings. He gives Tanya a hand squeeze and heads

for the kitchen, answering.

PAUL (CONT’D)
Hello.

WOMAN’S VOICE
Hi, is this Paul Hatfield?

PAUL
It is. Who’s this?
 12.

WOMAN’S VOICE
My name is Wendy Minter. I’m
calling from The Pacific Cryobank.
PAUL
Okay. What can I do for you?

WENDY
I just need to confirm that you
donated sperm with us between 1991
and 1993.
At the mention of the word sperm, Paul goes pale.

PAUL
Yeah...I did a little bit of that
back then...

20 INT. KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS 20

Paul enters. The kitchen is humming with COOKS prepping for
the dinner rush. He looks around for a quiet spot.

WENDY
As you know the Cryobank has a
confidentiality policy which
prohibits us from releasing your
identity without your consent.

A cook, MARGO, approaches Paul to speak with him. Paul nods:

“Can’t talk.” Hands her the box of tomatoes.

PAUL
Uh-huh.
Paul heads to the back of the kitchen, searching for privacy.

21 INT. PANTRY - SAME 21

Paul moves into the pantry, finds the farthest corner.

WENDY (O.S.)
Well we’ve been contacted by a
young woman conceived using your
semen, and she’s asked if you’d be
open to having contact with her.
Paul’s speechless.

19 OMITTED 19
 13.

22 INT. TANYA’S HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT 22

Paul and Tanya enjoy a hot, sweaty fuck.

23 LATER THAT NIGHT 23

Paul gets dressed while Tanya lays on her messy bed.

TANYA
You must of figured you’d get a
call at some point.

PAUL
Not really. I mean I was 19 when I
did it. It was so long ago...I
just figured no one actually used
my stuff.

Tanya moves closer to him, flirty.

TANYA
Why? I’d use it.

PAUL
(ignoring the innuendo)
This is so weird. I mean, a part
of me’s really curious...

TANYA
So what are you gonna do?
PAUL
I don’t know.

24 INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - DINING ROOM 24

Joni and Jules play scrabble at the table. Joni’s cell

rings. She grabs it off the counter and answers.
JONI
Hello?

25 EXT. PAUL’S HOUSE - BACK YARD - DAY 25

Paul anxiously paces his overgrown back-yard on his cell

phone. He picks weeds as he talks. Conversation intercut.
 14.

PAUL
Hi, I’m looking for Joni Allgood.

JONI
This is she...

PAUL
Hi. This is Paul...
(clearing his throat)
Uh, your donor...?

JONI
Oh! Hi...

Joni shoots up out of her chair and starts leaving the room
to get some privacy away from her mom.
PAUL
Is this a good time to talk?

JONI
(flustered)
Yeah...

JULES
Where are you going? It’s your
turn.

Joni doesn’t answer. She just walks out to her backyard.

PAUL
So...
(doesn’t know what to say)
How are you?

JONI
I’m good. How are you?

PAUL
I’m well, thanks.
Banal, awkward pause. Paul jumps in to fill the void.

PAUL (CONT’D)
So, Wendy at the Cryobank said you
call--

Joni cuts in, nervous and businesslike.

 15.

JONI
Actually, my brother asked if I’d
call you because I’m 18 and he’s
only 15 which is too young to call--
anyway, he’d like to meet you...if
you want to...

PAUL
(thrown)
Your brother?

JONI
Yeah. Well, technically my half-
brother. Each of my moms had a
kid, you know, with your sperm...
PAUL
No. I didn’t know.

JONI
Oh.
PAUL
Both of them?

JONI
Yeah.

PAUL
Like in two?
JONI
Uh huh. Like in gay.

PAUL
Good deal. I love lesbians.
Paul cringes at his lameness. Joni doesn’t know what to say.

26 OMITTED. 26

27 EXT. “WYSIWYG”, PARKING LOT - NEXT DAY 27

Joni and Laser get out of the car and head to the restaurant
to meet Paul. They’re both clearly nervous.

JONI
I just don’t want you to have big
expectations.
 16.

LASER
Will you quit saying that? I don’t
have any expectations.
JONI
Okay. I’m just saying he
might be weird. I mean, he donated
sperm...
LASER
Well if he hadn’t done it, you
wouldn’t be here. So respect, yo!

28 INT. “WYSIWYG” - DAY 28

Paul sits alone at a table facing the entrance. He nervously
checks the door as customers enter.

MINUTES LATER-
Joni and Laser enter the restaurant. They look nervous too.

ANGLE ON PAUL

He studies them for a beat, sees them looking around.

Figures they must be “his kids.” They look in his direction,
spot him. He raises his hand, stands. They walk over.

The moment is rife. Paul holds out his hand to Joni.

PAUL
Joni. Hey. Nice to meet you.

JONI
Nice to meet you too.
Paul holds out a hand to Laser.

PAUL
And Laser, right?

LASER
Right.

PAUL
Very cool name.

LASER
Thanks.
 17.

PAUL
Thanks for making the trek all the
way over here.
No one knows what comes next.

PAUL (CONT’D)
Cool, I got a table set up for us
out here...

Paul turns and leads them out to the outdoor dining area.

29 EXT. OUTDOOR DINING AREA - MINUTES LATER 29

They all sit eating. Paul can’t help but study their faces.
PAUL
Listen, feel free and ask me
anything you want, okay?
(off their stares)
Or we can just hang out. That’s
fine too. Whatever you guys want.

LASER/JONI
Okay.
Paul presses on, trying to break the ice.

PAUL
Anything you want to ask me, Laser?
LASER
I...uh...I didn’t really have any
specific questions...
PAUL
(helping him out)
That’s fine. I’d love to know
about you guys. What about you,
Joni? What are you up to?

JONI
Uh, well, I just graduated high
school. I’m starting college in
the fall.

PAUL
Oh yeah? Congratulations.
 18.

LASER
Joni’s the brains in the family.
She won a National Merit
Scholarship.

PAUL
Shut the front door!

LASER
Yeah. And she got like an 800 on
her Verbal SAT.
JONI
Okay, Laser...

LASER
What? I’m just saying you’re
really smart.

JONI
No, I just work harder than you.
PAUL
Don’t stress it, Laze. School
wasn’t my thing either and I turned
out okay.
LASER
(re: his name)
Laser.
PAUL
I’m sorry. Laser.
(beat)
So tell me about you, Laser. What
are you into?
Laser freezes. So his sister jumps in.

JONI
Laser’s an amazing athlete.

PAUL
Oh yeah?

LASER
Did you play any sports in school?

PAUL
I played a little basketball in
junior high.
 19.

LASER
That’s it?

PAUL
Pretty much. The whole “team”
thing got on my nerves, you know
like, “Hey, let’s go kick some ass,
man!” What about you?
LASER
I play some Soccer. Basketball.
Baseball. You know, team sports.

Paul realizes he’s put his foot in his mouth.

PAUL
Hey, I wasn’t bagging teams in
general. Teams are great. I’m
just weird like that.

LASER
Yeah, I like teams.

We can tell Laser is growing frustrated at his inability to

connect with Paul. Joni jumps in.
JONI
So this is your place?

PAUL
Yeah, I’ve been working on it for a
while. I also have this organic co-
op farm down the road. We use a
lot of the stuff we grow there for
the restaurant.
JONI
(excited)
That’s so cool. I’m totally into
local.
LASER
(busting her)
You are?

JONI
Uh, yeah Laser! I’ve been like
trying to get moms to buy local for
forever.

Laser tries again to reconnect.

 20.

LASER
So, like, do you raise pigs and
stuff?
PAUL
No. No pigs...
(beat)
But it’s a great spot. You guys
should come check it out sometime.

JONI
Yeah...Definitely...

Excited, Joni turns to Laser. He seems uninterested.

30 EXT. WYSIWYG, PARKING LOT - DAY 30

The kids and Paul exit the restaurant. Paul walks to a

classic BMW motorcycle. Lasers tries to hide his awe.
LASER
Is that yours?

PAUL
Yeah. You like motorcycles?
LASER
Yeah, but...our moms are kind of
anti-motorcycle.
JONI
And by “kind of” he means they’d
kill us if we ever rode one.

PAUL
That’s too bad. They’re fun.

Time to say goodbye. Again, no one knows the protocol here.

After an awkward beat, Paul holds out his arms for hugs.
PAUL (CONT’D)
Well it was great to meet you guys.
He and Joni hug.

PAUL (CONT’D)
I hope this was okay.
JONI
Yeah...totally...thank you.

Now Paul and Laser share a somewhat awkward man-hug.

 21.

PAUL
Really nice to meet you, Laser.

LASER
Yeah.

Joni gives a quick wave to Paul. She turns to go and Laser

follows. Paul watches them walk away. He looks stirred up
by the meeting.

31 INT. JONI’S CAR - DAY 31

Joni and Laser head back home.

JONI
I just never pictured him that way.
I just...I don’t know...He was so
cool and interesting. I can’t
believe that was him...He was so
nice, you know?...
LASER
I guess...

JONI
You guess?

LASER
Yeah...
JONI
God, Laser! You’re the one that
wanted to meet him so bad!

LASER
I know.

JONI
Well what did you think of him?
LASER
I don’t know. He seemed kind of
into himself.

30 OMITTED 30
 22.

33 INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - TV ROOM - LATER THAT NIGHT 33

Nic and Jules are cuddled up affectionately on the couch

watching cable. They see Laser on his way out of the house.

JULES
Hey bug, come here. We’re watching
“Locked Up Abroad: Uganda.”
LASER
I saw it. It was gnarly.
NIC
Where are you going?

LASER
Clay’s.

Jules and Nic shoot each other a concerned look.

NIC
Don’t be back late, okay?

LASER
I know.
JULES
Can I have a hug before you go?

LASER
Mom...
JULES
Just a quick one. Please!

LASER
Hug her. That’s what she’s there
for.

Laser leaves. Nic hits mute on the TV, looks at Jules.

NIC
Ugh. Maybe we should just sit him
down and ask him already.

JULES
What? “Are you and Clay fucking?”

NIC
“Exploring” is the word I’d use...
 23.

JULES
And what if he is ”exploring?”
This is the age for that. Why
should we care?

NIC
We shouldn’t...
(then)
I just don’t understand why he’s
exploring with that loser.

JULES
Look, we don’t even know what the
deal is. We’re jumping to
conclusions.
NIC
I feel like he has so much
potential and he’s just wasting it.

Nic’s comment hits a nerve in Jules.

JULES
What are you trying to say?

NIC
What do you mean, what am I trying
to say?

JULES
It feels like there’s some subtext
here.

NIC
What are you talking about?
JULES
I don’t know: Like mother like son?
Is that it? Both of us aimless,
wandering in the darkness, “wasting
our potential?”

Nic won’t go there.

NIC
Okay, honey, you’re on a whole
other tangent and I have no idea
what you’re talking about.
JULES
Well, maybe it hasn’t risen to the
plane of consciousness for you yet.
 24.

NIC
Yeah. Maybe not.

Nic clicks the volume back on, freezing Jules out.

34 INT. PAUL’S RESTAURANT - AFTERNOON 34

Paul and Tanya sit at the bar, eating family-meal.

TANYA
So what were they like?

PAUL
Sweet. They were really good kids.
The boy’s kind of a sensitive jock
and the girl’s kind of innocent but
whip-smart and super cute.

TANYA
Sounds like you connected.
PAUL
Yeah, we kinda did.

TANYA
Where’d you leave it?

PAUL
We didn’t really leave it anywhere.
Brooke, the sexy Wiccan volunteer, comes up to Paul bearing a
basket of freshly-picked fruits.

BROOKE
Hey Paul.
Paul leans over the basket.

PAUL
Whatcha got? Oh cool. First
strawberries of the season.

BROOKE
Don’t they look awesome? I thought
you should have the first taste.

And with that, she smiles, hands him the basket and leaves.
 25.

TANYA
(mimicking Brooke)
“I thought you should have the
first taste...of my pussy.”

Paul can’t help smiling at the nasty talk.

PAUL
Whoa...

35 INT. NIC AND JULES BEDROOM - AFTERNOON 35

Clay rummages through the top drawer of Jules’ dresser.

Laser stands behind him, uncomfortable.
LASER
Dude, I don’t think they smoke pot.

CLAY
Hold up.
Clay freezes. CLOSE ON a row of sex toys including a fancy
pink, Japanese “all-in-one” dildo and a few DVD’s.

CLAY (CONT’D)
Whoa!

Clay turns on the dildo. It starts to gyrate.

CLAY (CONT’D)
Yo, it’s alive!

LASER
Dude, put it back!!
Laughing, Clay throws the dildo back in the drawer. Then he
grabs one of the DVDs and spins back around.

CLAY
Dude, we’re watching this.

36 INT. LASER’S ROOM - DAY 36

Laser and Clay sit on the bed. They look at each other.
Then Laser hits play.

ON SCREEN

We see a COP giving a young MAN a BLOW-JOB. Laser and Clay

sit motionless, shocked, disgusted, riveted.
 26.

CLAY
Think the whole thing’s like this?

LASER
Want me to fast-forward?

Clay doesn’t answer. They just keep watching.

37 OMITTED 37

38 OMITTED 38

39 EXT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - DRIVEWAY - DAY 39

Jules pulls her truck into the driveway, almost running over
Laser’s bike.

40 INT. LASER’S ROOM - DAY 40

Laser and Clay are still watching the porn...as Jules walks
in the room.
JULES
Laser, you left your bike out...

Laser reflexively grabs for the remote. As he fumbles for

it, Jules sees what they’re watching. She looks mortified.

41 INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - KITCHEN - THAT EVENING 41

We enter a family conference already in progress.

Nic and Jules act calm but are inwardly mortified that their
15-year-old son found their porn.

NIC
Laser, your mom and I accept you
and love you unconditionally? You
know that, right?

LASER
Yeah.

NIC
And you know you can be open with
us about anything.
 27.

LASER
Yeah, I know.

Jules steels herself for a frank discussion.

JULES
Laser, is there anything you want
to talk about?
LASER
Like what?
NIC
Anything. Anything on your mind.

Laser cracks his knuckles.

LASER
Well there is something.

Nic and Jules share a look. “Here we go.”

LASER (CONT’D)
It’s more of a question, really.

NIC
That’s okay.

JULES
We won’t judge you.
Laser looks at his moms. Nic and Jules brace themselves.

LASER
Why do you guys watch gay man-porn?
Nic and Jules look at each other, thrown.

NIC
Well, first I have to say we rarely
watch that movie--

Jules touches Nic’s arm.

JULES
Honey...

NIC
And secondly, I really don’t
appreciate you snooping around our
room. Was that Clay’s idea? I
have to say again, I don’t like
him. He seems untended...!
 28.

JULES
Honey, that’s not what he asked--

NIC
(snapping)
Fine. Do you want to answer his
question?!

JULES
Well, sweetie, human sexuality is
complicated. And sometimes,
people’s desires can be...counter-
intuitive...
(soldiering on)
For instance, since women’s sexual
responsiveness is mostly internal,
sometimes it’s exciting for us to
see sexual responsiveness more, you
know...
(beat)
...externalized.
Laser looks at them, still baffled.

JULES (CONT’D)
Like with a penis.
LASER
But like, wouldn’t you rather watch
two women doing it?
JULES
You would think that. But in most
of those movies, they’ve hired two
straight women to pretend and the
inauthenticity is just unbeara--
NIC
Okay, that’s enough! Laser, your
mom and I have a sense there’s some
other stuff going on in your life
and we just want to be let in.

LASER
What do you mean?

JULES
Are you having a relationship with
someone?

NIC
You could tell us, honey. We’d
understand and support you.
 29.

Laser looks confused. How did they find out about Paul?

LASER
I just met him once.

Nic and Jules share a worried look.

NIC
What do you mean once?

JULES
Did he find you on-line?!

LASER
What?!
NIC
Who did you meet once?

LASER
Paul! I met him with Joni.
NIC
Who’s Paul?!

JULES
Why was Joni there?!

LASER
She set it up.
NIC
Forget the set-up! Who is Paul?!!

LASER
Our sperm donor.
Jules and Nic go white.

LASER (CONT’D)
Wait, did you guys think I was
gay?!

42 INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - LATER 42

Joni has been pulled into the family conference. Nic and
Jules are trying to remain as calm as possible. Nic slugs a
gulp of wine.
 30.

JULES
Look, guys, we understand why you’d
be curious about your biological
father. That’s totally natural.

NIC
But why didn’t you tell us?

JONI
Because we knew you’d be upset.

NIC
WE’RE NOT UPSET!!

Jules calms her riled-up partner.

JULES
Honey...
(to Joni; expressing her
upset more calmly)
We just wish you’d have included us
in your thinking. But what’s done
is done. You met him, and now you
guys can move on--

JONI
(sheepish)
Actually...
(beat)
I want to see him again.
JULES LASER
You do?! You do?!

JONI (CONT’D)
(to Laser)
Yeah. I was gonna tell you.

NIC
Whoa! Whoa! No. No way.
(regaining dominance)
Nobody is seeing anyone until we
meet him!
Joni looks at Laser. They knew this would happen.

43 INT. NIC AND JULES’ BATHROOM - NIGHT 43

Nic and Jules do a post-mortem as they floss.
 31.

NIC
Yeah, I get it. He’s their
biological father and all that crap
but it still feels really shitty.
Like we’re not enough or something,
you know?

JULES
Of course I know. I don’t want to
time-share our kids with someone.
Especially when it’s Joni’s last
summer home. No way.

When Jules leaves the room Nic pulls a clump of long, wet red
hair out of the sink.
NIC
Jesus, Jules! The plumber was just
here!

Nic throws the clump of hair in the trash.

44 INT. NIC AND JULES BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER 44

NIC
(getting tactical)
Look, we need to be smart about
this. If we act like grubby
bitches, we’re just gonna make it
worse.
JULES
I know...

NIC
Let’s just kill him with kindness
and put it to bed.

JULES
I’m with you, honey.
(then)
We’re gonna get through this, okay?
Nic smiles. She loves when Jules shows confidence.

NIC
I love you, chicken.
The women bump fists. They have a plan.

JULES
I love you too, pony.
 32.

45 EXT. STREET - AFTERNOON 45

Paul rides slowly down the street, checking addresses. He

pulls over and cuts his engine in front of the Allgood house.

46 OMITTED 46

47 INT/EXT. ALLGOOD FRONT DOOR - AFTERNOON 47

Paul rings the bell. Waits. The door opens and Nic and
Jules are there smiling with “kill him with kindness” faces.

NIC
Paul! It is so great to meet you.
I’m Nic. This is Jules.

Paul shakes their hands.

PAUL
Hi, great to meet you two.

JULES
I hope the traffic wasn’t too bad.
PAUL
No, I’ve got my bike so...I just
sort of weave through.

Nic clocks the motorcycle, stifles the impulse to judge.

NIC
Great. Well, come on in.

As they enter, Paul holds out a bottle of wine.

PAUL
This is for you. I don’t know if
you guys like wine...
Nic takes it.

NIC
Are you kidding? We love it.
(checking the label)
And a Petit Syrah. What a treat!
Let me get some glasses.
Nic leaves Paul by the stairs with Jules. Little silence.
Jules steals a look at him, unable to contain her curiosity.
 33.

PAUL
Beautiful house. How long you guys
lived here?
JULES
Almost ten years. Wait, has it
been that long?
(rambling nervously)
We moved right after Laser broke
his leg, I remember that because we
had a ramp for a while, so that
would have been...ten, no, nine?
No, ten years this fall.

Paul nods, smiling at her nervousness.

PAUL
Okay.

Laser and Joni enter. Joni lights up when she sees Paul.
Jules watches Paul hug her. Uncomfortable, she heads for
THE KITCHEN --

Jules finds Nic’s pouring herself a sizable glass of wine.

JULES
You okay?

NIC
(not okay)
Yeah. Fine.

Jules feels her inner co-dependent swelling in her chest.

JULES
Go easy on the wine, hon. It’s day
time.

NIC
Okay. And same goes for the micro-
managing...

48 EXT. ALLGOOD PORCH - AFTERNOON 48

Everyone sits at the picnic table.

JULES
I hope the food’s okay. Joni told
us you own a restaurant.
 34.

PAUL
The food’s great. Can’t go wrong
with salmon and corn.
Nic finishes a glass of wine as Jules takes note.

NIC
So Paul, did you always know you
wanted to be in food-services
industry?

Paul smiles at Nic, trying to disarm her.

PAUL
Well, I always liked food.
NIC
No, I was asking because I remember
reading in your file, back when we
were looking for, you know, sperm,
anyway, you said you were studying
international relations.

PAUL
Oh yeah. Wow, that was a long time
ago. Yeah, I was considering it,
but then I dropped out of school.

JONI
You dropped out of college?
PAUL
Yeah, it wasn’t my thing.

NIC
(squinching)
No? Why’s that?

PAUL
It just seemed like a massive waste
of money after a while. I mean, I
wasn’t “doing” anything. I was
just sitting on my ass listening to
people spout off ideas I could’ve
just as easily learned reading a
book.

Paul sees that his little rant may be alienating the moms.
PAUL (CONT’D)
I’m not saying higher learning
uniformly sucks. I mean, college
is great for some people.
(MORE)
 35.
PAUL (CONT’D)
Joni, I’m sure you’re gonna love
it. That’s just me. I’m just
weird that way.
(beat)
Which is probably why I ended up in
the food-services industry.

LASER
See what he did there, mom? You
said “food-services industry,” then
he said “food-services industry...”
NIC
Yeah, I got it, Laser. Thanks.
(apropos of nothing)
So, Paul, what about your social
life?

PAUL
My social life?
NIC
You know, are you married,
divorced, seeing anyone?

JONI
Mom!

NIC
What? We’re getting to know Paul.
PAUL
No, never been married or divorced.
I date a little, but I’m just kind
of focused on my work right now.
NIC
Oh.

Paul wants a break from the heat.

PAUL
So, how’d you guys meet?
Jules smiles, embarrassed. Nic jumps in.

NIC
We met at UCLA. I was a resident
in the ER and Jules had an
emergency.

JULES
My tongue went numb.
 36.

PAUL
Really?

THUD! We turn to see Laser, pounding his head on the table.

JULES
Laser, that’s not nice.

LASER
What’s not nice is subjecting your
kids to the same story 1000 times!
PAUL
(ignoring Laser)
What happened to your tongue?
JULES
I don’t know. I just lost all the
feeling in my face and tongue and I
thought I might gag and then, you
know...
PAUL
Choke? Die?...

JULES
Yeah...exactly...

NIC
Well it was pretty clear to me she
was just having an anxiety attack
and she’d be fine.

PAUL
So what’d you do for her?
NIC
Gave her a Vallium. Tried to get
her to relax, talk, move her tongue
around.
LASER
Mom, that’s gross!
JULES
(ignoring Laser, to Nic)
Actually, she started teasing me
and that really helped.
NIC
I was trying to distract you.
 37.

JULES
I know. And it worked. You were
really funny.
NIC
You were really pretty.

Nic reaches over and caresses Jules’ hand. Joni rolls her
eyes, embarrassed.

JULES
So that’s it. My tongue started
working again.

NIC
And we’ve been glued at the hip
ever since.

PAUL
That’s a great story.
JULES
(beaming)
We like it.

Laser and Joni share a look.

PAUL
So Nic, I know you’re a doctor.
How ‘bout you, Jules? What do you
do?
Jules never likes this question.

JULES
Well, I, you know, I studied
architecture in college...

PAUL
Right...
JULES
But I’m not an architect. I mean I
was on my way to becoming one. But
I quit before the kids were born.

PAUL
Well, that happens...
JULES
When they got a little older, I
started a Balinese furniture import
business...
 38.

PAUL
Right on.

JULES
Yeah. But that didn’t work out.

PAUL
Well, business aren’t easy--
JULES
Actually, I’m in the process of
starting a new business.

PAUL
Good for you. What kind?
JULES
Landscape design...
(before he can respond)
But not like a gardener! I mean,
yes, there’s a gardening component
to it, but the real work is to
create unique, eco-friendly outdoor
spaces that harmonize with the
surrounding environment. Do you
know what I mean?
PAUL
Absolutely.

In Nic’s mind, Jules is drowning in verbiage. So she jumps

in to save her.

NIC
Hey Paul, did Joni tell you about
her graduation speech?
PAUL
No, she didn’t.

NIC
It was incredible. So full of
wisdom and hope...
(turning to her Joni)
Hon, go get it. I’m sure he’d love
to hear it...

JONI
(blushing)
No, mom, I’m sure he wouldn’t...
 39.

NIC
Sure he would. Come on. Go get
it...
JONI
(getting upset)
No, it’s okay...

NIC
Sweetie, don’t be embarrassed.

JONI
I’m not embarrassed! Jesus! Give
it a rest already!

This outburst stuns Nic into silence. Her daughter has never
spoken to her like this. Laser stands up.

LASER
I’ll get the ice-cream.
JONI
(standing up)
I’ll help you.

Joni and Laser leave the room. Nic pours herself the last of
Paul’s Petit Syrah. Jules smiles, covering her anxiety.

JULES
(softly)
Honey, that’s your forth glass.
NIC
Actually, it’s my third. But
thanks for counting.
Paul turns to Jules, trying to revive the mood.

PAUL
Hey, I was just thinking. You
know, I bought this place last year
and the backyard’s a wreck. Would
you be interested in working on it?
JULES
(insecure)
Oh, that’s okay.

PAUL
No, seriously. I don’t have time
to work on it myself.
 40.

JULES
Thank you. That’s really sweet.
Why don’t you think about it.
PAUL
Why? I just did.
(then)
I mean, if you’re not up for it
that’s okay--

JULES
(jumping on it)
No! I am!
(getting excited)
I’m up for it!...
Jules smiles at Nic: “Isn’t this great? My first client.”
Nic looks less than pleased.

49 OMITTED. 49

50 INT. HARDWARE STORE - DAY 50

Nic pushes a cart piled high with gardening supplies. Jules

grabs a couple BAGS of fertilizer, throws them on top.

NIC
...I’m just saying, the plan was to
limit his involvement--
JULES
You’re unbelievable. You’re all
over me about getting clients, I
finally get one and you’re--
NIC
He’s not just a client,
, Jules.
He’s our sperm donor! Have you
ever heard the phrase “Don’t Shit
Where You Eat?”

JULES
Yes, and I think it’s disgusting.

The two separate, go down separate isles. When they rejoin,

Nic is contrite.
NIC
I’m sorry. He just seemed sort
of...self-satisfied to me.
 41.

Jules grabs the olive branch.

JULES
Yeah, he was working the whole
“alternative” thing pretty hard.

NIC
(mimicking)
“I just need to get outside and
‘do’ things, not sit on my ass and
learn. But that’s just me. I’m
weird that way.”

They both laugh. Nic’s funny sometimes.

51 EXT. PAUL’S HOUSE - ECHO PARK - DAY 51

Jules drives slowly up the hill looking for Paul’s address.

She sees the house and pulls in the driveway next to an old
truck and a motorcycle.

52 EXT. PAUL’S HOUSE - BACK YARD - DAY 52

Jules and Paul walk through Paul’s backyard, evaluating.

JULES
...We could do a kind of a Secret
Garden thing with trellises and
topiary...
(clocking his face)
...or something more Asian,
minimal, with a rock garden feel.
It’s up to you...
PAUL
What do you think?

JULES
Personally, I’m tired of minimal.
I’m into more is more. Let’s not
try to tame the space. I think it
would look great all lush and
overgrown and fecund...

PAUL
Fecund?
JULES
I’m sorry, you know, fertile...
 42.

PAUL
No, I love that word. You just
don’t hear it that often.
(thinking)
More is more. Yeah. Let’s do that.

Jules is staring at Paul.

PAUL (CONT’D)
What?

JULES
Sorry, I just keep seeing my kids
in your expressions...

Jules looks more intensely at Paul’s face.

JULES (CONT’D)
You and Laser have the same mouth.

PAUL
You think so?

JULES
Yeah.
The observation strikes Paul. Suddenly, he’s feeling a kind
of fast-tracked intimacy with Jules he hadn’t expected.

53 EXT. BACKYARD - ALLGOOD HOUSE - EVENING 53

Jules and Laser play Ping-Pong as Nic gets home with Chinese
take-out for the family dinner.

NIC
What’s the score?

JULES
Pretty close.
Laser cranks a forehand that whizzes past Jules.

LASER
20-3...match point.

NIC
So how’d it go today?
JULES
Great. We settled on a concept.
 43.

NIC
What is it?

JULES
It’s hard to explain. You have to
kind of see the space to get it.

NIC
(to Laser)
Laser, did you write Pup-pup a Get
Well card?
(off his silence)
Laser! What do I have to do?! I
bought you a card. I left it on
your desk. All you had to do was--
LASER
Mom, settle! I will...

NIC
Don’t tell me to settle, mister.
And if it’s not in the mail by
tomorrow morning, we’re not going
to the Dodger game Saturday.

LASER
Whatever, I have other plans
anyway.

NIC
What other plans?
(off his silence)
I’m asking you a quest--

LASER
I said I’d do something with Paul!
Laser serves a rocket, whizzing past a flailing Jules. He
tosses the racquet on the table and leaves. Nic yells:

NIC
You used to be so cute!

54 EXT. ALLEY - DAY 54

We cut onto Paul and Laser, looking out at something. Laser

is holding a DIGITAL VIDEO CAMERA.
PAUL
This may not be a good idea.
 44.

CLAY (O.S.)
Are you filming?!

We cut to Clay on a skateboard on the ledge of a brick wall.

He’s preparing to ride the ledge, jump a dumpster and land
his board on the ground.

PAUL
(to Laser)
He’s not gonna make it.
(calling to Clay)
Clay, you’re not gonna make it!

LASER
I think he may be right, dude.
Maybe this isn’t such a good idea.
CLAY
Will you quit being a man-gina and
run the camera! I’m only doing
this once so keep my shit in frame!
Laser sighs, then holds up the camera. Paul looks at Laser,
wondering why he puts up with this guy.

VIDEO CAMERA’S POV: We watch as Clay psychs himself up with

an assortment of deep breaths and head-slaps. Finally, he
starts down the ledge. He starts his jump, catches air and
hits the edge of the dumpster and falls. We see him go into
the dumpster and land with a nauseating THUD. Paul and Laser
rush up and look over the edge.
PAUL/LASER
ARE YOU OKAY?!

There’s Clay, his arm bent at a disturbing angle, in agony.

CLAY
Did you get that?!

LASER
Seriously, dude, are you okay?

CLAY
I’m fucking fine! Fuck! Did you
fucking get it?!

55 EXT. STREET OUTSIDE CLAY’S HOUSE - LATER 55

Paul and Laser walk over to Paul’s truck.

 45.

PAUL
Maybe next time we can hang out
just you and me.
LASER
Clay’s cool. He’s just gets a
little amped sometimes.

PAUL
That’s not amped. That’s being a
dick.
LASER
He’s not a dick, that’s just his
way.
PAUL
Okay...I just didn’t like the way
he was talking to you.

LASER
(defensive)
Well, you don’t know him.

PAUL
(back-peddling)
You’re right...I don’t...

LASER
Hey, can I ask you a question?
PAUL
Sure.

LASER
Why’d you donate sperm?
PAUL
Well, it’s a lot more fun then
donating blood.
Laser doesn’t laugh. Paul realizes he’s gonna have to give a
“non-joke” answer.
PAUL (CONT’D)
I don’t know, I guess I thought,
you know, if I can help somebody in
need, somebody who wants a baby...
Laser’s not really buying that.

LASER
So you did it to help people?
 46.

PAUL
It was a long time ago...

LASER
How much did you get paid?

PAUL
Why do you want to know?
LASER
I’m just curious.
PAUL
I don’t know, like 60 bucks a pop.

LASER
That’s it?

PAUL
It was worth more back then. You
know. With inflation...
(off Laser’s look)
Hey, I’m glad I did it...

Laser doesn’t quite buy Paul’s altruism. He looks over at

him, then away.

56 INT. JONI’S ROOM - DAY 56

Jai and Joni and Sasha play Scrabble. Sasha checks out the
photos of Paul on Joni’s phone.

SASHA
Hello? Donor Dad? Stone cold fox.
JAI
Must you take everything beautiful
and make it dirty?

SASHA
I’m just saying. Spermster’s a
hottie. Is he single?
JONI
Okay, first of all, ewww. Second,
he’s a really good person and I’d
prefer it if you didn’t taint him
with your whore juice.

Sasha hops up, energized by the banter.

 47.

SASHA
Fair enough, hairy muff. I’m outta
here. You love birds can split my
letters...

Sasha splits and suddenly the room is thick with nervous

tension.

JONI
You want to keep playing?

JAI
Sure.

As Jai incorporates Sasha’s tiles into his own, we see Joni

gathering her nerve to make a move. Jai probably feels it
but in his nervousness he can’t look at Joni.

JAI (CONT’D)
Sometimes I feel sorry for Sasha,
you know...
JONI
Yeah...

Joni starts to move in, her face draws closer to Jai’s, inch
by inch.

Somehow, deep down, Jai can sense her moving towards him
which exhilarates and freaks the shit out of him at the same
time. To the point where he lets slip...
JAI
It’s like she has to sexualize
every experience, you know? It’s
just sad...
That stops Joni in her tracks.

JONI
Yeah, it is. It’s really sad.

Jai’s sabotaged the mood and they both know it.

57 INT. NIC AND JULES’ BATHROOM - NIGHT 57

Jules walks in to find Nic in sexy satin man-PJ’s, sitting at

the rim of a RUNNING BATH. There are candles burning.

JULES
Wow. What’s this?
 48.

NIC
Come here. Sit down.

Jules takes a seat beside her. Nic holds her hand.

NIC (CONT’D)
I’m sorry I’ve been such a bitch
lately. I know I’m not being my
highest self.

JULES
Yeah, well...

NIC
You’ve been really patient with me.
I just want you to know that hasn’t
gone unrecognized.

Nic gives her a long, sweet kiss. Jules is warming up.

NIC (CONT’D)
Get in.

CUT TO - JULES

In the tub, revelling in the warm bubbly water. Nic is

sitting on the ledge, massaging her feet.

JULES
Oh god, chicken, that’s the spot.
NIC
How’s the water?

JULES
Perfect. You wanna come in?
NIC
In a bit. You enjoy it first.

Nic goes deeper with the massage. Jules’ eyes roll back.

NIC (CONT’D)
Oh, I forgot the lavender salts.

Nic starts to get up. Jules grabs her hand.

JULES
No, don’t stop...

NIC
No, I meant to put ‘em in....
 49.

Nic gets up and sashays to the door.

NIC (CONT’D)
Don’t move...

Nic exits. Jules sinks back, wishing Nic had stayed.

58 CUT TO JULES - MINUTES LATER 58

Still waiting. Getting impatient and upset.

JULES
Nic?!!

No response.
54 CUT TO THE KITCHEN -- 54

Nic is on her cell with a patient, a glass of wine in her

hand. Jules walks in wearing a bathrobe. Nic turns. Raises
a finger and mouths: “Sorry...”

NIC
No, we’re planning on being here
through mid-August so...
(beat)
No, I promise, I’m not going
anywhere.

Jules’ face drops; she turns and leaves.

59 OMITTED. 59

60 INT./EXT. PAUL’S HOUSE - DAY 60

Paul watches Jules work in his backyard. Luis hauls shrubs.

61 INT. PAUL’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - LATER 61

Paul and Jules stand at the kitchen table, looking over her
sketch for the yard.

JULES
Look, I’m gonna go to the nursery
in the morning so we should
probably make sure you’re signed
off on the Bougainvillea...

Jules looks over at a pan on the kitchen counter.

 50.

JULES (CONT’D)
What’s that?

PAUL
Strawberry rhubarb pie. Fresh from
my garden.

Paul hands her a fork and she takes a big bite. Her eyes
roll back in her head.

PAUL (CONT’D)
Good, huh?

JULES
Oh my god. That is criminal.
PAUL
Have more.

JULES
No, please, just take it away...
PAUL
You had one bite.

JULES
I have another you may as well just
tape it to my ass cause that’s
where it’ll end up.

PAUL
Hey now, don’t go negative on your
ass.

Jules blushes at all this talk of her ass.

JULES
So...you’re good with the plants?
(off his silence)
Look, we don’t have to do that. We
could do go in a totally different
direction if you--

PAUL
No, I’m just thinking. Hang on.
(covers his eyes)
Yeah, I’m good with the plants.

JULES
Sorry. Sometimes I mistake silence
for criticism.
 51.

PAUL
I wasn’t criticizing you.

JULES
No, I know...I just...
(beat)
Sometimes Nic can be a little
critical, you know. She’s a
perfectionist.

PAUL
That doesn’t mean you have to be
negative.

Jules looks away. We HEAR a knock from the back.

LUIS (O.S.)
Excuse me, Senora? Hello?

Jules turns, sees Luis standing at the glass door.

JULES
What’s up?

LUIS
5 o’clock.
JULES
Yeah. Okay.

Jules wants Luis to leave her alone. But he’s not going.
LUIS
Same time tomorrow?

JULES
Yes! Same time!

Luis leaves. Jules turns back to Paul, laughs nervously.

JULES (CONT’D)
Okay. I’m gonna take off too...

PAUL
(in Luis’s accent)
Same time tomorrow?

Jules pushes Paul, laughing.

JULES
That’s mean.

Paul hands her a Tupperware with some of the pie in it.

 52.

PAUL
Here, take this...

JULES
No!

PAUL
Just give it to the kids.
JULES
Okay! God, you’re such a pusher!
Jules grabs the pie and gives him a kiss on the mouth, almost
as a mistake. Before they know it, they’re making out.

Jules snaps back, freaked.

JULES (CONT’D)
Whoa. I’m sorry. That was...I
don’t know where that came from...
PAUL
(freaked himself)
It’s okay...

JULES
Okay. I’m gonna go now...

Jules starts backing away, acting as if nothing happened.

PAUL
Jules...?

JULES
(overcompensating)
...but I shall return!
Jules bolts for the door, clutching her pie. Paul watches
her go, stunned by what just happened.

62 INT. NIC AND JULES BEDROOM - NIGHT 62

Nic’s in bed reading a magazine. Jules gets in bed,

paranoid. Nic puts her magazine down.

NIC
So how’d it go with Paul?
JULES
(jumpy)
What do you mean?
 53.

NIC
I don’t know. Did you break
ground? Did you dig in? I don’t
know the terms.

JULES
No, we just talked...conceptually.

NIC
Oh, so it was less of a “doing”
day, huh? Was he okay with that?
JULES
You know, maybe we should lay off
the Paul digs a little.
NIC
Okay. You’re right.

Chastened, Nic looks back at her magazine. Jules rolls over.

JULES
And I also think we should start
composting.

63 OMITTED 63

64 EXT. URBAN FARM - ECHO PARK - DAY - MOS 64

Sweating and dirty, Joni and Paul pull radishes from the
ground. They’re in a zone together. Paul takes off his sun-
hat and put it on Joni’s head.

PAUL
You got your mom’s fair skin. You
didn’t get my Mediterranean
genes...

JONI
Thanks...

Joni’s cell rings. She looks. Rolls her eyes.

JONI (CONT’D)
Ugh. Ignore.

Joni hits the ignore button, puts her cell away.

PAUL
Who’s that?
 54.

JONI
My mom, Nic. She’s making me
insane.
PAUL
Why? What’s she doing?

JONI
She’s treating me like I’m 12.
It’s like she doesn’t want to admit
I’m an adult.
PAUL
She’s your mom. That’s her job.

JONI
What? To smother me to death?
That’s not her job.

PAUL
Well, if you want things to be
different, you’ve got to make that
happen. That’s your job.

65 EXT. SUBURBAN STREET - MAGIC HOUR 65

Laser walks with Clay. Clay sports a homemade arm-cast for
the skateboard mishap we witnessed earlier.

CLAY
That jump was cake, dude! I so
could’ve made it.

LASER
You were like 20 feet short, dude!
There was no way.

CLAY
Yeah, well if Paul wasn’t there I
could have landed it. That guy
creeps me out.

LASER
Whatever.

CLAY
He’s kind of a fag, dude. Tryin’
to act all like your dad and shit.

Laser doesn’t know how to respond so he ignores the comment.

A stray DOG comes up to them. Laser stops to pet it.
 55.

LASER
Hey buddy. Good boy.

Laser sees the dog has no tags. He looks around for an

owner. The dog nuzzles Laser for affection.

LASER (CONT’D)
I’ve seen this dog around. I
wonder if he’s lost.

CLAY
Let’s pee on his head.

LASER
What?
Clay unzips his fly. It’s difficult with the plaster cast.

LASER (CONT’D)
Dude, don’t do that.
CLAY
Come on. Hold him...

Clay yanks the dog by his scruff.

LASER
Dude, Quit it!

CLAY
(mocking)
Duuude, quit it!

Suddenly, Laser gets it. His friend is the tool. He grabs

the dog and smacks him to get him to run away.
LASER
Go! Run! Get out of here!

The dog TAKES OFF. Clay shoves Laser.

CLAY
Why are you such a fag?!
Laser shoves Clay back hard.

LASER
Why are you such a dick?!
Clay HITS Laser in the mouth. Laser touches his lip. Sees
blood, and walks away. Friendship over.
 56.

66 EXT. URBAN FARM PARKING LOT - ECHO PARK - MAGIC HOUR 66

Paul and Joni walk to his motorcycle parked in the dirt lot
behind them. Paul grabs his helmet off the bike, hands it to
Joni.

PAUL
Here, put this on.
Joni takes the helmet and puts it on. Paul fastens the
buckle for her. They get on the bike and take off down the
hill.

67 EXT. ECHO PARK TO THE WEST SIDE - MAGIC HOUR 67

Paul takes Joni home on his motorcycle via Sunset Boulevard.
She holds Paul tightly.

68 INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - EVENING 68

The ladies sit in the living room watching TV.

JULES
Relax. She’ll get home when she
gets home.

NIC
Quit telling me to relax!
They go back to watching TV. After a beat, we HEAR a
motorcycle pull up.

NIC (CONT’D)
What the fuck...!

69 EXT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - CONTINUOUS 69

Paul and Joni climb off the bike. Nic storms out of the
house to intercept them by the sidewalk.

NIC
Funny how someone conveniently
forgot to tell me they were driving
home on a motorcycle!

JONI
Mom...
 57.

NIC
You know how many people I’ve seen
come into the hospital paralyzed
from motorcycle accidents?!

PAUL
I’m a very safe rider...

NIC
That is so not the point I’m
making! Joni knows this is
something I’d never allow.

JONI
Mom, I’m 18 years old! I won’t
even be living here in like next
month!

NIC
Yeah, well, you’re living here now!
JONI
Yeah, well why don’t you get a jump
on it and pretend like I’m not!

Joni storms off. Nic glowers at Paul.

NIC
She’s never talked to me like that.

PAUL
(trying to soften it)
You know, Nic. If you eased up on
the restrictions, maybe there’d be
less tension...
NIC
(marinated in sarcasm)
Really? You think so, Paul? Is
that how it works?
Jules walks up to intervene.

JULES
What’s going on?

NIC
Oh, nothing. Paul’s just giving me
child-rearing lessons.

PAUL
I was just saying--
 58.

NIC
Listen, when you’ve been a parent
for 18 years, come talk to me!
PAUL
I was just making an observation.

NIC
Yeah, and I need your observations
like I need a dick in my ass!

Nic storms off. Jules follows. Paul watches, shell shocked.

70 OMITTED 70

71 INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - JONI’S BEDROOM - LATER THAT NIGHT 71

Nic knocks on the door. Get’s no response.

NIC
Joni?
(silence)
I was just upset. You know how I
feel about motorcycles.
Joni opens the door.

JONI
(patronizing)
I know how you feel about them.
But I’m an adult now and you have
to respect that. Goodnight.

Joni closes the door on her.

72 OMITTED 72

73 INT. PAUL’S HOUSE - DAY 73

From his house, Paul watches Jules working on her knees in

the garden.

CLOSE ON Jules’ thong peaking out of her jeans. Luis walks

across Paul’s field of vision, interrupting his reverie.

74 INT. PAUL’S HOUSE - LATER 74

Jules steps tentatively into Paul’s house.

 59.

JULES
Paul?

Jules walks further into the house. She looks anxious. Paul
opens his office door and sees Jules in the hall.

PAUL
Hey. What’s up?
JULES
Look, I’m sorry about last night.
I’m really embarrassed.

PAUL
Don’t be. She’s the one who wigged
out.
JULES
I know, she’s just going through a
lot of stuff right now...
PAUL
Jules, it’s okay. You don’t have
to defend her.

They stare at each other, unsure how to act.

JULES
And look, I just want you to know,
about the other day, the kiss,
that’s not something I...do.
PAUL
Yeah, I sensed that.

She takes a step toward him, feverish.

JULES
I just wanted to clear the air.

They stare at each other. It’s like watching two magnets.

PAUL
The air is clear.

Jules grabs Paul and starts smothering him with kisses.

It takes a second for Paul to get his bearings, but when he

does, he starts kissing her back with equal fervor, pushing
her up against the wall, wedging his hand between her legs.

JULES
Paul, I can’t!
 60.

PAUL
You don’t want to?!

JULES
No, I do! It’s just...
(urgent whisper)
I have a guy outside!

Overcome with lust, Jules wraps her legs around his waist and
Paul walks her into...

75 HIS BEDROOM 75

Quick cuts of their awkward ravenous gropings. Somewhere

between slapstick and animal. He pulls her hair back hard.
She loves it. She pulls his hair back harder. He yelps.
She pulls down his underwear. Her eyes widen. It’s been
decades since she’s seen a hard cock in the flesh.

JULES
Oh. Well. Hel-lo!

Cut to them fucking. It’s gawky and passionate. Somewhere

in the middle of it, Jules starts laughing.
PAUL
What?

JULES
Nothing.
Paul flips her on her hands and knees and they go at it some
more.

She keeps laughing. Paul goes harder to make her stop. The
paces grows quicker. They’re getting closer. And then...

LUIS (O.S.)
Hello? Excuse me, Senora Allgood?!
They stop mid-thrust.

JULES
You gotta be fucking kidding me!

She dislodges from Paul and starts dressing furiously.

76 INT./EXT. PAUL’S HOUSE - DAY 76

Jules runs out to meet Luis, waiting patiently at the door.

 61.

JULES
What’s up?

LUIS
Where do you want the stones?

JULES
(catching her breath)
The stones? Over by the fence.

Luis stares at his employer. She looks totally disheveled.

Jules starts feeling her hair, smoothing it into shape.

JULES (CONT’D)
(defensive)
What? I was using the bathroom.
(then)
Do you need to use the bathroom?

Luis stares at her feet. She looks down. She’s barefoot.

77 EXT. PUBLIC PARK - DAY 77

Paul and Laser shoot hoop. There’s a tense-ness to their

patter. Laser takes the ball and steps to the top of the key
and shoots. Drains it.

LASER
That’s H.
PAUL
I know.

Laser steps up to left side of the basket, calls his shot.

LASER
Lay-up.

PAUL
Hey, don’t take it easy on me cause
you’re winning--

Laser does a trick behind the back lay-up. Nails it. Then
tosses the ball to Paul.

PAUL (CONT’D)
Nobody likes a show-off.
LASER
Hey, can I ask you a question?
 62.

PAUL
Oh god. Okay. Hit me.

LASER
When you die do you want to be
buried or cremated?

PAUL
That’s your question?

LASER
I want to be cremated.

PAUL
I think I’d rather be buried.
LASER
Why? That’s just taking up more
space in the earth.

PAUL
I don’t know, something about the
idea of being burned into this
chalky powder and sprinkled--

LASER
What do you care? You won’t even
be conscious.

PAUL
That’s true. I guess I just want
to be in a place where people can
visit me.

LASER
(growing animated)
But why?! You’ll be dead! You
won’t even know they’re there!

78 INT. WYSIWYG - RESTAURANT - NIGHT 78

Joni and Sasha are at a table eating dinner. Tanya has

temporarily joined them. Sasha checks out Tanya’s oversized
African bead necklace. Joni watches Paul charm customers.

SASHA
God, I love your necklace! Where’d
you get it?

TANYA
I don’t know, some flea market--
 63.

SASHA
In Africa?

TANYA
No, more like Pasadena.

SASHA
Well, it’s really awesome.
Paul saunters up to the table and stands behind Sasha. He
mindlessly places his hand on Sasha’s shoulder.
PAUL
Sorry guys, I need to steal Tanya
back now.
Sasha clocks Paul’s hand. She carefully and without looking
back places her hand on top of his.

SASHA
That’s okay, Paul.
TANYA
(getting up)
Well ladies, it was fun talking
with you.
SASHA/JONI
You too.

Paul pulls his hand away from Sasha’s and walks off with
Tanya. Sasha turns to Joni.

SASHA
Okay, I’m sorry but your donor
daddy is giving me the sex vibe.
JONI
No he’s not. He wouldn’t do that.

SASHA
Why not? He’s not my dad.

JONI
God Sasha, that’s totally gross!
Not everybody wants to have sex
with you, okay? Especially when
you act like a slut.
SASHA
Fuck you.
 64.

JONI
Well it makes you seem insecure and
desperate.
SASHA
I’m not insecure and desperate!
I’m just a normal sexual person!
And maybe you’d get that if you
weren’t so uptight!

JONI
Fuck you. I’m not uptight!

79 INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT 79

Nic and Jules dine with their friends, JOEL and STELLA.
Nic’s drinking like a fish.

STELLA
Oh my god, these heirloom tomatoes
are insane.

JULES
Joni brought some home from Paul’s
garden the other day. They were
huge!

Nic tightens at the mention of Paul.

JOEL
So, the kids have been spending
time with him?

NIC
Oh, yeah, they’re spending all
kinds of quality time together.

STELLA
(senses the sarcasm)
Well, it’s great they like him so
much. You know, you hear these
stories about kids meeting their
donors and the guys end up being
nothing like they were on paper.

NIC
No, everyone’s getting along
famously. Apparently Paul can do
no wrong...

Nic grabs a passing waiter by the arm.

 65.

NIC (CONT’D)
Can we get another bottle of the
Seavey Cabernet?
Jules gives Nic a look. Joel and Stella feel the tension
between them.

STELLA
Hey, have you guys tried those Açai
fruit packs?

JULES
No, but they’re pushing them like
crack at Whole Foods.

STELLA
I know. Joel’s addicted.

JOEL
What I do is I throw one in the
blender with some bananas, frozen
strawberries and hemp milk and I’ll
tell you, it’s sensational.

Nic slaps her forehead.

NIC
Oh, just fucking kill me...

Everyone stiffens. Jules is embarrassed.

JULES
Honey...

NIC
I’m sorry guys, but I just can’t,
with the fucking hemp milk and the
organic farming and heirloom
tomatoes.
(mocking-voice)
“Oh no, don’t throw that in the
trash, no man, you gotta throw that
into the composting bin so the
fucking worms can shit all over it
and turn it into glorious multch
and we can all feel better about
ourselves.” God! What a bunch of
bullshit!
Nic takes a big swallow from her glass. Jules windshield
wipes Nic’s forearm.
 66.

JULES
(sotto)
How about some green tea, honey...
Nic slams her glass on the table. Explodes.

NIC
You know what, Jules?! I like my
wine! Okay? So fucking sue me!
And fyi, red wine has a chemical
called Resveratrol in it, which has
been proven to significantly extend
human lifespan!

JULES
Yeah, if you drink a thousand
bottles a day!

NIC
Fuck you.
Nic storms off. Jules turns to Joel and Stella, ashen.

JULES
I’m sorry.

80 INT. RESTAURANT BAR - MINUTES LATER 80

Jules walks over to the bar. Nic is sitting in the corner.

JULES
What the hell is going on with you?

NIC
This whole Paul thing is driving me
crazy! I feel like he’s taking
over my family.

Jules tries to bring it down. She yells in hushed tones.

JULES
No. He’s not!
NIC
(nerves fraying)
Okay! Okay. I’m sorry. I’m just
exhausted...
JULES
Maybe you need to take some time
off and recharge.
 67.

NIC
(self-pitying)
Sure, and who’s gonna pay for that?
Jules looks pissed off, and hurt.

NIC (CONT’D)
Look, I’m sorry, I just feel like
I’m carrying the whole load here.

JULES
Because that’s the way you like it!
That’s the way you keep control!

This is Jules’ break-point.

NIC
What are you talking about?

JULES
Oh come on! You hated it when I
worked! You wanted me at home,
taking care of the kids. You
wanted a wife!

NIC
That is just not true!

JULES
You didn’t trust any of those
nannies! And you sure as hell
didn’t back my career!

NIC
What are you talking about? I just
helped you start another business!
JULES
Yeah, so you can feel better about
yourself!
NIC
No, so you can feel better about
yourself!

JULES
Are you even attracted to me
anymore?
The BARTENDER holds out the bottle of Cabernet.

BARTENDER
Do you still want this?
 68.

NIC
No. Just the check please.

81 JULES AND PAUL 81

Fucking again in his bedroom. Jules writhes beneath him, her

eyes closed. Paul seems to be in some kind of zone. He
stares at her, enthralled.

CUT TO:

82 POST - COITUS 82

Jules and Paul lie naked in the bed. Jules slithers around
the covers, stoned on post-coital endorphins.

JULES
God, I feel so drugular right now.
(sitting up quickly)
I really want a cigarette! Do you
have any? I haven’t had a
cigarette since Laser was born. Do
you smoke?
PAUL
Sometimes. But I don’t have any
here. Want me to run to the store?

JULES
(bouncing off the walls)
Yeah. Wait, no. Don’t. Sorry.

Jules pops up on her knees, getting in his face.

JULES (CONT’D)
Do you think I’m just like some sad-
sack middle-aged lesbian?

PAUL
God, that’s it. I was trying to
figure out how to describe you to
my friends. Thank you.

Jules punches his arm, mock hurt. They start rough-housing.

Then kissing. Then the phone rings.

JULES
You want to get that?

PAUL
No. I want to get this...
 69.

Paul grabs a handful of Jules’ ass. Jules throws her leg

over Paul and climbs up for another round. Suddenly, Joni’s
voice echoes through the machine.
JONI (ON MACHINE)
Hi Paul. It’s Joni. I just wanted
to apologize for my friend, Sasha.
I was really embarrassed when she
put her hand on your--

Paul grabs the receiver.

PAUL
Hey, Joni. I’m here...

Jules visibly recoils.

PAUL (CONT'D)
Listen, don’t worry about your
friend.
Jules pales. She mouths: “What are you doing?!” Paul
gesticulates: “I’m sorry!”

PAUL (CONT’D)
No. Honestly. I didn’t even
notice...

Jules throws on her clothes and starts to leave.

PAUL (CONT’D)
Hey, Joni? Can you hold on a
second?

Paul grabs Jules’ wrist and mouths “wait!” Jules rips her
arm free and walks out.

83 MOMENTS LATER - JULES 83

walks outside and is stunned to find Luis already back from

Home Depot, sneezing and wiping his nose.

JULES
Did you go to Home Depot?

LUIS
Yeah. I just got back.
JULES
That was fast!
 70.

LUIS
Yeah, no lines.

His look of confusion trips off her paranoia. She’s

convinced he knows everything.

JULES
What’s that look?
LUIS
What look?
JULES
The look you’re giving me right
now!
LUIS
That’s no look. That just my face.

JULES
Look, I’m not gonna play this game
with you! You need to keep your
judgements to yourself!

LUIS
Senora, I didn’t give no looks!
JULES
I don’t ask you why you keep
blowing your nose constantly! I
mean, if you have a drug problem
that’s your business...

LUIS
I don’t have no drug problem!
I have the allergies!
JULES
Then why are you a gardener?!

Luis stares at Jules, innocent.

LUIS
Cause I love the flowers.

JULES
Look, this isn’t gonna work. I’ll
pay you through the end of the day
and then we’re done.

Jules walks past a totally confused Luis.

 71.

84 INT. NIC AND JULES BEDROOM - NIGHT 84

Jules lies on her side. Nic shuffles to get to close to her.

Jules moves away, still pissed at her. Nic realizes she
needs to make amends.

85 INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - KITCHEN - NEXT MORNING 85

The family sits in silence, having breakfast. Nic looks
around the table, feeling like a pariah.
NIC
Look, I know you’ve all been
enjoying your time with Paul. And
I know I haven’t been as open to
him as everyone else and this has
caused some...friction...between
us. But I’d like to try and change
that...
Everyone keeps eating, uncommitted. “And...?”

NIC (CONT’D)
So I was thinking. Maybe it would
be nice if we all had dinner at his
house sometime. That way, I could
get to know him a little better,
and I could see all the good work
mom’s been doing with his backyard.
Nic looks at Jules and smiles. Everyone nods. They
recognize this is a big step for Nic.

86 OMITTED 86

88 EXT. PAUL’S HOUSE - BACKYARD - DAY 88

Paul walks out to check on Jules. She’s sweating her ass

off, shlepping stacks of heavy mulch across the yard.

PAUL
How’s it going?

JULES
Okay...
 72.

PAUL
Here, let me help.

Paul takes some of her load and together they transport the
sod to the other side of the yard. Neither know what to say.

Paul stares at her, waiting for her lead.

JULES
We can’t be doing this...

PAUL
I know...

JULES
I’m married...
PAUL
...and the kids...

JULES
Yeah, and I love Nic.

PAUL
I know...
They stare at each other and we cut to...

89 INT. PAUL’S BEDROOM - LATER 89

Paul and Jules lie in bed. Jules looks nauseated. Paul
offers her a pack of smokes.

PAUL
I got you some cigarettes.
JULES
(ignoring him)
Jesus, what’s wrong with me? I
shouldn’t have fired Luis like
that. That was totally wrong...

PAUL
Come on. Don’t be so hard on
yourself. Things get messy
sometimes...

JULES
That wasn’t messy. That was fucked
up. I’m totally fucked up...
 73.

PAUL
I think I’m really falling for you.

JULES
Paul, don’t...

90 INT. PAUL’S BATHROOM - LATER 90

Jules takes a shower, washing off the evidence. She looks
nauseated by her lack of willpower.

87 INT. WYSIWYG - LATER 87

Tanya walks over to Paul who’s on his computer. She flops on

the couch next to him. He doesn’t look up.

TANYA
Pretty good night. That table had
like 5 bottles of wine.
PAUL
Wow. Yeah. Good night.

TANYA
Joni’s pretty. She’s got some of
your genes.

PAUL
I think she looks more like her mom
actually. But thank you.

TANYA
It’s cute seeing you in dad mode.
PAUL
Yeah?

TANYA
Yeah.
(lowering voice)
It makes me want to fuck you.
PAUL
(uncomfortable)
Oh yeah?...

TANYA
Yeah...

Tanya moves imperceptibly closer.

 74.

TANYA (CONT’D)
I’ve been missing our sleep-overs.

Paul finally stops what he’s doing.

PAUL
Yeah, it’s been a while.

TANYA
You want to meet up later?

Paul hesitates. He doesn’t know how to say no.

PAUL
Tanya, you’re so sexy and
beautiful, but I don’t think we
should do that anymore.

Tanya’s face drops.

TANYA
What happened?

PAUL
You know, our thing is really fun
and easy, but...I don’t want to be
50 and still “hanging out.” You
know? If I really want a family
then I have to stop getting in
these situations that don’t go
anywhere.
Paul just looks at her. Tanya gets it.

TANYA
(welling up)
Oh.

Paul knows enough to say nothing. Tanya gets up and walks

off.
TANYA (CONT’D)
Fuck you.
Paul sits there, feeling like an asshole.

91 EXT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - MAGIC HOUR 91

The family packs into the Volvo to head to Paul’s.
 75.

92 INT. PAUL’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - MAGIC HOUR 92

Paul gets dinner ready with Joni and Laser as his sous-chefs.
Both kids seem really jazzed to be cooking with him.

IN THE BACKYARD -EVENING

Jules tours Nic around the backyard, looking a little freaked

out as she shows her the work she’s been doing.

JULES
I’m gonna do some planting over
there so it won’t look so bare...

NIC
It looks great, honey. Very
indigenous. I’m so proud of you.

Nic kisses Jules spontaneously. Jules looks nauseous again.

They head back up the stairs, toward Paul’s house.
NIC (CONT’D)
Hey, so how’s that guy Luis working
out?

JULES
Oh, I had to fire him.

NIC
(surprised)
Really?!
JULES
Yeah, he had a drug problem.

NIC
Whoa. What kind of drugs?

JULES
Blow, I think...

93 INT. PAUL’S HOUSE - DINING ROOM - LATER 93

Nic flips through Paul’s album collection, including Joni
Mitchell’s Blue.

94 INT. PAUL’S HOUSE - DINING ROOM - NIGHT 94

Everyone digs into the meal, enjoying themselves. Especially

Nic, who’s committed to redeeming herself.
 76.

PAUL
Hey Nic, I think you’re gonna love
this ‘98 Screaming Eagle.
NIC
You know what, I think I’m gonna
stick with water tonight. But
thank you so much.
The Allgoods look at Nic: this is a first.

NIC (CONT’D)
God, Paul, this steak is delicious.
What’s the seasoning?

PAUL
I just mist it with a little
truffle oil.

Nic looks at Jules and smiles in full overcompensation mode.

NIC
What a good idea. We should try
that. Right, honey?

JULES
(taken aback by Nic’s
cheerfulness)
Mmm-hmmm.

NIC
And it’s done to perfection.

PAUL
So it’s not too rare?
NIC
No, it’s perfect. Juicy. Tender.
Exactly what rare’s supposed to be.

PAUL
Good. A lot of people in the
restaurant order a steak rare and
they freak out at the slightest
sight of red.

NIC
Ugh, isn’t that annoying? That
happens to me all the time when I’m
grilling.
 77.

PAUL
Don’t people know that rare means
red?
NIC
Right?! It means bloody!

PAUL
Exactly! They should see what rare
looks like in Argentina. The cow’s
practically still mooing.
Laser chuckles at Paul’s joke, then reigns it in. Joni tries
to insert herself in the conversation.

JONI
I really want to go to Argentina.
Buenos Aires is supposed to be--

NIC
(interrupting)
...So Paul, I was checking out your
album collection over there. Quite
the eclectic mix...

PAUL
Thanks...

NIC
You don’t meet too many straight
guys who love Joni Mitchell.
Joni glares at Nic: stop being such a Paul hog.

PAUL
Oh yeah, you a Joni Mitchell fan?
NIC
(smug)
Not really. We just named our
daughter after her.

PAUL
Cool. Right on...

NIC
What’s your favorite Joni album?

PAUL
I think I have to go with “Blue.”

Nic raises her hand in a testify.

 78.

PAUL (CONT’D)
Yeah? You too?

They high-five across the table.

NIC
Oh God, I probably spent half of
high school in my room crying to
that album. That record kills me.

PAUL
I know, it never lets up, you got
“River,” “California...”

NIC
“A Case of You...”
PAUL
“All I Want..”

NIC
Mmm!!

Nic pulls her hands to her chest, shuts her eyes...and starts
to sing.
NIC (CONT’D)
I am on a lonely road and I am
traveling traveling, traveling,
traveling/Looking for something,
what can it be/Oh I hate you some,
I hate you some/I love you some Oh
I love you/when I forget about
me...

Jules, Paul and the kids watch, open-mouthed as Nic soldiers

on, skipping ahead to another verse.

NIC (CONT’D)
I want to talk to you/I want to
shampoo you/I want to renew you
again and again/Applause, applause/
Life is our cause/When I think of
your kisses/My mind see-saws...

Nic takes a breath. Just as Paul’s about to say something,

Nic resumes her unfortunate solo.

NIC (CONT’D)
Do you see/do you see/do you see
how you hu-urt me baby/so I hurt
you too/then we both get/soo-ooo-
ooo blue...
 79.

Nic stops, eyes still closed. She’s connected to a part of

herself she rarely lets herself visit. The moment is
punctured by her smart-ass 15-year-old son.
LASER
Don’t quit your day job, mom.

PAUL
Hey. It’s hard enough to open your
heart in this world. Don’t make it
harder.
LASER
You’re right.
(to Nic; contrite)
I’m sorry, mom.
Nic looks at Paul. Stunned. Then looks at Jules and points
to Paul.

NIC
I like this guy.

Paul looks at Joni.

PAUL
You didn’t tell me you were named
after Joni M.

JONI
It’s just so dorky. I don’t really
like to bring it up.

PAUL
I think it’s cool.
NIC
(getting up)
Hey Paul. Where’s your bathroom?

PAUL
Just around there.

On her way to the loo, Nic turns back to Paul.

NIC
You know what? I think I will try
some of that Screaming Eagle.
 80.

95 INT. PAUL’S BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS 95

Nic washes her hands at the sink. Something catches her eye.
She lifts Paul’s hairbrush from the shelf in front of her and
examines it. She reaches into the bristles and pulls out...

A few strands of long red hair.

Nic pales.

CUT TO
Nic on her knees in Paul’s shower, pulling a clump of tell-
tale red hair from the drain.

CUT TO
Nic skulks out of the bathroom. She looks out and b-lines
for the bedroom.

CUT TO
Nic pulling pillows off Paul’s bed. Her look tells us she’s
found hair here as well.

THEN WE CUT TO
Nic sitting back down at the table. She looks drained.
Nobody notices. The sound drops out.

NIC’S POV:
Paul and Jules talking comfortably.

Joni and Laser chiming in, smiling, one big happy family.
REVERSE ONTO NIC:

Totally disconnected. Shell-shocked. She wants to scream

but it feels like she’s trapped in cement. Things slow way
down...

96 OMITTED 96

97 INT. NIC AND JULES’ BATHROOM - THAT NIGHT 97

Nic and Jules perform their nightly ablutions. Jules is
sonic-caring her teeth.
 81.

JULES
(through the sonic buzz)
Well, you and Paul seemed to get on
like gang-busters...

NIC
You’re sleeping with him, aren’t
you.
JULES
(freaked)
What?

Nic turns to her, eyes red with anger.

NIC
Just be honest with me. Don’t make
me feel crazier than I feel right
now!

JULES
Where is this coming from?!

NIC
I found your hair in his drain!
JULES
(scrambling)
What? I was working. I got dirty
so I took a shower.
NIC
Oh yeah? You take a nap, too?

Jules pauses a second too long. The jig is up.

98 INT. NIC AND JULES’ BEDROOM - MINUTES LATER 98

The truth has come out. Nic is so angry she’s calm.

NIC
Are you in love with him?!
JULES
No!

NIC
What, are you straight now?!

JULES
No. It has nothing to do with
that!
(MORE)
 82.
JULES (CONT'D)
(beat)
I’ve just felt so cut off from you
lately...
NIC
Oh, right, so it’s my fault!

JULES
No! Who said anything about fault?
Just listen to me!

NIC
I’m listening! What?!

JULES
I just needed...
NIC
What? To be fucked?

JULES
No, appreciated!

NIC
It’s always what I’m not doing for
you, isn’t it? Well here’s what I
don’t to you. I don’t work out my
issues by fucking other people!

Nic starts heading for the door. Jules follows.

JULES
He’s not just “other people!”

NIC
No, you had to go fuck our sperm
donor! You couldn’t have picked a
more painful way to hurt me...

JULES
Where are you going?!

NIC
I need water! My mouth is dry!

Nic opens the door. There’s Joni and Laser, looking

devastated. They’ve been listening to the whole thing.

99 INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAWN 99

Jules wakes up looking crusty from a rough night on the

couch. She looks like she hasn’t slept at all.
 83.

100 INT. LASER’S ROOM - DAWN 100

Jules enters and walks over to her sleeping son. She gently
nudges him awake.

JULES
Hey Laser. Honey?

Laser turns over, semi-conscious.

LASER
What?

She sits down on his bed.

JULES
Listen, I know you and Joni heard
what’s going on. I just want you
to know that what happened with
Paul and me is over. There’s
nothing going on now.
LASER
Okay.

JULES
I know you might need some time to
process your feelings around this,
but I just want you to know that
I’m here for you if you want to
talk about anything.
(beat)
Is there anything you want to talk
about?

LASER
(leave my room)
Not really.

JULES
(fighting the impulse to
push it)
Okay then. Go back to sleep.
Jules pats her son and leaves.

101 INT. JONI’S BEDROOM - DAWN 101

Jules enters and touches Joni’s shoulder.

JULES
Joni?
 84.

JONI
I don’t want to talk to you.

JULES
Can we just--

JONI
I said I don’t want to talk to
you!!

JULES
Okay. I’m sorry.

Jules slowly retreats to the door.

102 INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - KITCHEN - MORNING 102

Jules drinks coffee at the table. Nic walks in, dressed for
work. Jules looks at her, wanting to “process.” But Nic
isn’t in the mood. She grabs a banana from a bowl and walks
out. Jules feels like a leper.

103 OMITTED. 103

104 INT. SASHA’S ROOM - AFTERNOON 104

We can tell Joni’s been crying and downloading the whole

thing to Sasha.
SASHA
How’s Nic doing?

JONI
She’s a wreck. I’ve never seen her
like this before.

Joni’s cell rings. She gets off the bed, looks at the phone.
It’s a picture of Paul.

SASHA
Is it him...?

Joni nods gravely, answers.

JONI
(cold)
Hello.
 85.

105 EXT. PAUL’S FARM - AFTERNOON 105

Paul’s walking through rows of swiss chard, cell phone to his

ear.

Conversation Intercut.

PAUL
Hey Joni, how you doing?

JONI
You’re such a phony.

Beat.

PAUL
Excuse me?

JONI
You act like you’re so groovy and
together but you’re not. You’re a
shitty person!

PAUL
What happened?
JONI
With my mom?!

PAUL
Listen, can I just come and talk
with you--

JONI
What’s wrong with you?!
PAUL
Joni...

JONI
Don’t call me anymore.

Joni hangs up and start crying. Sasha hugs her.

106 EXT. PAUL’S FARM - CONTINUOUS 106

Sweaty, nauseous with remorse, Paul turns around to find

fetching young Brooke, waiting for him with a wicker basket
of huge cucumbers.

BROOKE
Hey Paul, look at these cukes...
 86.

Paul holds up his hand at her. This girl symbolizes every

bad choice he’s ever made.

He gives her the universal, “Leave Me Alone” gesture. Brooke

looks embarrassed.

107 EXT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - BACKYARD - AFTERNOON 107

Jules sits on a lawn chair smoking a cigarette. Her cell
rings. She answers.

108 EXT. STREET - AFTERNOON 108

Paul walks down the street, wigging out.

PAUL
Hey, it’s me. I just talked to
Joni.
Conversation intercut.

JULES
Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I should
have called you.
Jules sucks a big, anxious drag off a cigarette.

PAUL
What happened?
JULES
Nic saw my hair in your bathroom.

PAUL
The other night.

JULES
Yeah.
PAUL
Fuck...
JULES
Yeah.

Beat.
PAUL
Listen, it’s all out in the open
now. Let’s make this happen.
 87.

JULES
Paul...

PAUL
No, I’m serious. Fuck it. Let’s get
the kids together and do this
thing.

JULES
Paul, come on...

PAUL
No! I’m sick of this life. I want
a family. I’m ready--

JULES
(eye rolling)
Jesus, Paul! I’m gay!

Jules tosses the phone away from her.

109 EXT. HOUSE PARTY - BACKYARD - NIGHT 109

Joni and Sasha stand at the makeshift “bar”. Joni’s downs

several Tequila shots quickly.
SASHA
Slow down, tiger.

Across the room, Joni spots Jai chatting with a WAIFY GIRL in
a sundress.

Joni drops one more Tequila shot and walks up to Jai and
Waify girl, interrupting them.
JONI
I like the scruff. It’s sexy.

Waify girl juts out her hip territorially.

WAIFY GIRL
Uh, ‘scuuuse me...
JONI
You’re excused.
(then back to Jai)
Hey, can I talk to you?
Joni leads Jai to a private corner.
 88.

She leans in and kisses Jai. And Jai actually returns the
kiss. And it’s completely sweet and intimate.

But then the kiss starts to morph as Joni’s energy turns

manic, intense, less romantic than emotionally needy. We see
Jai start to pull away. But Joni keeps holding him, wanting
more. Finally, Jai breaks off the kiss.

JAI
Joni...Joni...

JONI
What?

Joni looks pained, embarrassed. Jai keeps holding her hands.

JAI
Are you okay?

JONI
Yeah, I’m fine...
Joni pulls free and escapes, leaving a confused Jai in her
wake.

110 INT. NIC AND JULES BEDROOM - NIGHT 110

Jules walks in to find Nic, awake, in bed.

JULES
Just getting another pillow. The
couch is kind of saggy.

NIC
Is your back okay?
Jules perks up: is this an invitation to share the bed again?

JULES
It’s a little ache-y.

NIC
You should take some Advil.

Guess not.

Suddenly they hear bumping and loud footsteps downstairs.

 89.

111 INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT 111

Jules walks downstairs to find Joni stumbling toward her

bedroom.

JULES
Hey. How was the party?

Joni tries to avert her mom’s questioning gaze.

JONI
Fine.

JULES
How big was it?
JONI
I don’t know. Medium...ish...

Jules takes in the glassy look in her daughter’s eyes.

JULES
Are you drunk?

JONI
No.
Nic enters from the stairs, having caught the last piece.

NIC
I hope you had a designated driver.
JONI
Why? I’m not drunk.

NIC
Well, you seem drunk to me.

JONI
Yeah, well, you should know.
NIC
(furious; incredulous)
What did you just say to me?!

JONI
I’m going to bed.

Joni starts to leave. Nic grabs her.

NIC
No, you’re not! I’m not done
talking to you!
 90.

Laser opens his door and watches the scene progress.

JONI
What do you want from me?! I did
everything you wanted! I got all
A’s! I got in everywhere I applied!
Now you can show everybody what a
perfect family you have!
JULES
Don’t talk to your mom like that!
Joni spins to face Jules.

JONI
You’re really gonna tell me how to
act? Now?!

JULES
Hey, I’m still your mother.
JONI
Whatever...

Jules reaches out and Joni backs away, sickened.

JONI (CONT’D)
Don’t touch me!

Joni heads for her room.

JONI (CONT'D)
I’m so sick of both of you!

112 EXT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - DAWN - MOS 112

The sun rises on this formerly happy home.

113 INT. ALLGOOD LIVING ROOM - MORNING 113

Jules wakes up on the couch. Sits up. Rubs her aching back.

114 INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - JONI’S BEDROOM - DAY 114

Joni packs for college. The room is littered with half-

filled packing boxes. She picks up a pile of clothes from
the corner and sees the farmer’s hat Paul gave her. She puts
it aside, not sure what to do with it.
 91.

115 EXT. PAUL’S BACKYARD - DAY 115

Paul looks around his newly landscaped yard. It looks more

abandoned than revived.

116 INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - NIGHT 116

The family has their last supper - before Joni leaves.

NIC
Did you pack that lamp I gave you?

JONI
Yeah.
NIC
Well, we can always get stuff up
there, too, if you need it, I mean
if the room’s dark or you need
extra bedding...
JONI
I’m not going to Siberia, mom.

Jules looks at the family unit, misty.

JULES
I can’t believe this is our last
dinner together.
LASER
Oh God, are you gonna cry?

Jules looks at her son, fed up.

JULES
I wish you were gay. You’d be so
much more sensitive.

The doorbell rings.

JONI
It’s probably Sasha. I’ll get it.

Joni runs to the door. Opens it. It’s not Sasha. It’s Paul.

JONI (CONT’D)
(shocked)
What are you doing here?
 92.

PAUL
I needed to talk to you before you
left.
JONI
There’s nothing to talk about.

PAUL
I just want to apologize again for
what happened. I can’t tell you
how much I regret it.

117 EXT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - SAME 117

Joni walks out for privacy, closes the door behind her.
JONI
So like, everything that happened
between us. What was that? Was
that just bullshit?!
PAUL
No, it wasn’t bullshit at all. I
know I don’t seem credible right
now but I really care about you...
Paul struggles to keep his emotions in check.

PAUL (CONT’D)
...and I just hope someday we’ll be
able to see each other again. Do
you think that could maybe happen?

JONI
I don’t know...
Joni looks down welling up.

JONI (CONT’D)
I just wish you could’ve been...

PAUL
What?

Joni chokes back tears.

JONI
Better...

Paul and Joni look up at each other when the door suddenly
flings open. Nic is there, fuming.
 93.

NIC
You’ve got some balls, mister!

PAUL
Nic, hold on...

Nic walks toward he and Joni. Joni ducks back inside.

NIC
No, you hold on! Let me tell you
something, you really hurt my kids!
PAUL
Well, they’re kinda my...

NIC
(cutting him off)
No! They’re not. This is not your
family. This is my family! You’re
just a fucking interloper...
Jules joins Nic, concerned things are getting out of hand.

PAUL
I didn’t mean to hurt anyone...
Paul and Jules share a look as Nic deals the coup de grace.

NIC
If you want a family so much, go
out and make one of your own!
Nic heads back inside and slams the door behind her.

Paul stand alone, spinning. After a moment he spontaneously

looks back into the house. Laser is staring at him through
the window. Their eyes lock and Paul give Laser a contrite
smile. That’s the final straw for Laser. He grabs his plate
and walks out of view.

Reeling, Paul heads for his motorcycle. He gets on the bike,

helmet in hand. Turns on the ignition. He picks up the
helmet and pauses, shaking in the hell of his own making.
Losing it, he hurls the helmet at the motorcycle.

118 INT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - TV ROOM - THAT NIGHT 118

Laser, Joni and Nic watch “Locked Up Abroad” Jules walks in

front of them, picks up the remote and turns off the TV.

JULES
I need to say something.
 94.

Everyone sits up. Jules acts stoic but she’s wrecked.

JULES (CONT’D)
Look, it’s no big secret your mom
and are in hell right now. Bottom
line...marriage is hard...really
fucking hard. Just two people,
slogging through the shit, year
after year, getting older,
changing. It’s a fucking marathon,
okay?!
Everyone is silenced by the outpouring. Jules soldiers on.

JULES (CONT’D)
So sometimes you’re together so
long, you just stop seeing the
other person. You just see weird
projections of your own junk. And
instead of talking to each other,
you go off the rails, and act
grubby and make stupid choices.
Which is what I did. And I feel
sick about it because I love you
guys and I love your mom and that’s
the truth. Sometimes you hurt the
ones you love the most. I don’t
know why. Maybe if I read more
Russian novels I would...

Nic looks down, overwhelmed by it all.

JULES (CONT'D)
Anyway, I just wanted to say how
sorry I am about what I did and
that I hope you’ll forgive me
eventually.
(awkward)
Thank you.

And, without further ado, Jules hands the remote back to

Laser and departs the field. Everyone’s silenced by Jules’
rambling apologia, especially Nic.

119 OMITTED. 119

120 INT. JONI’S ROOM - MORNING 120

Joni wakes up. She looks around her room. There’s nothing
on the walls. The floor is covered with boxes taped and
labeled. It’s time to go.
 95.

121 EXT. ALLGOOD HOUSE - DRIVEWAY - DAY 121

Nic and Jules stuff the last of Joni’s things in the back of
their station wagon. Laser and Joni bring the last of the
boxes out of the house.

122 INT. VOLVO STATION WAGON - DAY 122

The Allgoods are on the road, heading to college.

123 OMITTED. 123

124 EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS - DAY - ESTABLISHING 124

The station wagon passes through the campus.

125 INT. STATION WAGON - DAY 125

As they drive past buildings and dorms, Joni sees STUDENTS
swarming the campus. She takes it all in, nervous, excited.
Nic and Jules steal looks back at Joni, feeling her
nervousness, wishing they could take it away.

126 EXT. STREET - DAY 126

The Allgoods pull up to the curb, get out. Laser piles

Joni’s boxes on his skateboard.

127 EXT. FRONT OF DORM - DAY 127

Laser dollies Joni’s boxes though the corridor and while Joni
and the moms follow behind.

INT. DORM ROOM - MOMENTS LATER

Nic and Jules follow Joni to the door. They all jam up at
the threshold.

JONI
Guys, it’s okay. I got it.

Nic and Jules get the hint. They move back and Joni enters
the room alone. Nic and Jules quietly turn and leave.
 96.

128 INT. JONI’S DORM ROOM - BEDROOM - LATER 128

Joni stands among her bags and boxes looking around. She
goes into her suitcase and pulls out her linens. She starts
making her bed but suddenly stops mid way. She stares out
toward the hallway.

Finally she moves to the doorway and looks out. She realizes
her family isn’t there.

129 EXT. DORM BUILDING - DAY 129

Joni exits, looking around to find her family. The station

wagon is gone. She looks panicked. Her pace quickens as she
makes her way down a hill toward the road.
Finally Joni sees the Volvo heading towards her.

The car pulls over to the curb and everyone gets out. Joni
looks vulnerable. She tries to cover it.
JONI
Where’d you go?!

NIC
We had to move the car.

JONI
I thought you left.
JULES
We wouldn’t leave without saying
goodbye.

NIC
Give us some credit.

And suddenly, everyone realizes...this is it. It’s time to

say goodbye. First Laser comes up and hugs Joni.
LASER
It’s gonna be weird not having you
at home.

JONI
Sorry to leave you alone with them.

LASER
It’s okay. I can handle it.

Laser backs up. Then the moms both come up and hug Joni,
tears streaming down their faces.
 97.

JONI
Guys, come on...
(beat)
Look, I’ll talk to you soon.

Joni tries to detach from the hug. But her moms won’t let
go. They keep holding her and crying.

Slowly, their tears begin to break Joni down.

Trapped in their loving embrace, Joni’s feelings rise up,

unbidden, overpowering her. She starts crying.

The moms hold her tighter, which makes her cry even harder.

Soon she’s sobbing in her mothers’ arms, as all the pressure,

resentment and anger she’s felt starts seeping out of her.

Nic and Jules feel their daughter letting go. They hold her
tight to comfort her.
They keep holding her until a calm sets in.

The hug breaks apart. Nic pushes the hair from Joni’s face.
Joni gives her moms one last smile.
Laser, Jules and Nic get back in the car. Joni stands
watching as they drive off and her new life begins.

130 INT. STATION WAGON - DAY 130

The family drives home. Jules is at the wheel. Nic’s in the
passenger seat, eyes red and puffy. Laser’s in the back.

No one speaks, everyone’s lost in their own worlds. Finally

Laser breaks the spell.

LASER
I don’t think you guys should break
up.

A long beat.
NIC
No? Why’s that?

LASER
I think you’re too old.

Both Nic and Jules crack smiles. Their son’s rudeness is

unsurpassed. But then his words have an unexpected gravity.
 98.

NIC
Thanks, Laser.

Jules, disarmed and slightly smiling, reaches over and puts

her hand on Nic’s leg. She gives it a gentle squeeze and
doesn’t let go. Nic looks over to Jules, finally disarmed.

Nic reaches for Jules’ hand and holds it tight. Nic and
Jules look at each other, and then away.

Laser watches his moms holding hands from the back seat.
Their small gesture is what he needed. He smiles to himself,
grateful for a sign.

FADE OUT
THE END