Becoming

Irresistible
[Preview Copy]

How to Effortlessly Have

Men Pursue You,
Treat You
Like a Goddess,
and Commit to You
for Life

Marni Battista
Becoming Irresistible

Published by:
90-Minute Books
Newinformation Inc
302 Martinique Drive
Winter Haven, FL 33884
www.90minutebooks.com

Copyright © 2015, Marni Battista

Published in the United States of America

ISBN-13: 978-0692449769
ISBN-10: 0692449760

No parts of this publication may be reproduced without correct

attribution to the author of this book.

For more information on 90-Minute Books including finding out how

you can publish your own lead generating book, visit
www.90minutebook.com or call (863) 318-0464
Here’s What’s Inside…

Becoming Irresistible! .......................................... 1

My Hero’s Journey ................................................ 5

Case Studies ........................................................9

The Role Loving Yourself Plays in

Becoming Irresistible ......................................... 12

The #1 Mistake Men Wish You Knew .................... 14

How to Choose Wisely—The Five

Types of Men to Be Aware Of ............................... 23

The #1 Thing You MUST Do to Find

Love with a Quality, Alpha Male ........................... 40

Your Dating with Dignity Plan ............................. 46

Next Steps to Find Love Now ............................... 51

About the Author ............................................... 53

Becoming Irresistible!
I want to really acknowledge you for picking up this
book and for being willing to learn something new
and for being willing to take responsibility for your
love life and not simply leaving it in the hands of
fate, destiny, or some man that you have a crush on
or the guy who you hope will change. In this book, I
am going to teach you exactly why you are simply not
good at relationships and why you’ve had trouble
finding and keeping love with a quality man.

In fact, there are three specific fatal mistakes you are

probably making that are at the root of your bad
results—and I will explain why these mistakes are
mistakes you never have even considered before.
These are the mistakes that nobody is telling you
about; and quite simply, because of these mistakes,
maybe you’ve settled for less
These are the than you are worth in the past,
maybe you’ve even given up.
mistakes that Maybe these mistakes are why
nobody is you have only met the flakes;

telling you you’ve dated the players, the

heartbreakers, or the guys who
about. come on strong and tell you

1
they love you at the beginning but then disappear
just as fast. These mistakes might be the reason for
the amazing guy who has just been outside of your
reach, the guy who never calls, or the guy who tells
you he really likes you but he’s just not looking for a
relationship, though he still wants to see you.

Maybe you’ve been single for so long you can’t

remember the last time that you went on an actual
date. You know the pain of being alone, the
rejection. You always feel lonely on a Saturday night
while you watch everyone around you getting
engaged, getting married, having kids, the house
with the white picket fence, and the life you always
dreamed of. But instead, because you are making
these three fatal mistakes, you’re all alone; you have
no partner to call your own, no
one supporting you, no one to I’m going to
live out your dream with.
show you how
In this book I am going to reveal
these three fatal mistakes, AND
to stop making
I am going to show you how to them so that
stop making them so that you
can find love now.
you can find
love now.
2
If you stay with me through this book, I am going to
teach you:

The #1 mistake you are making that men WISH

you knew.

Next, I am going to teach you the exact science of

how to choose a guy who is ready for a relationship
so that you can avoid the pain of commitment-
phobes, men who vanish, or worse—men you can’t
get over but won’t completely disappear.

Then, you are going to discover the #1 thing you

must do to find love with a quality, alpha male
right now.

And finally, I am going to tell you the magic formula

to be the only woman he will ever want, without
even having to try! It will be like breathing—just
something you do effortlessly—and as a result, you
will begin to see and meet the “good men”
everywhere. And the not-so-good-for-you men will
start to literally disappear off your radar.

I am going to share a story with you about Kelli. I am

so excited about Kelli because I just saw a post on
Facebook and Kelli got engaged this past weekend.
Just seven months ago she was sharing with me,

3
tears welling up even though she was trying to hold
it all back, that she didn’t think she would EVER find
love because, quite frankly, she was so exhausted.

Before I share with you Kelli’s story, let me share

this with you:

I have been there..

4
My Hero’s Journey
I got married at 22 to the guy to whom I said yes
simply because… well, he asked. When I got divorced
17 years later I thought that it was the end for me.
Then, just like in the movies, weeks after my
husband moved out of the house, a white knight,
whom I met on the Internet, rode into my life on his
metaphorical stallion, scooped me up off my feet,
and declared his undying love for me—and
incredibly coincidentally, just like it had been with
my husband—on the second date.

It turns out, though, the similarities between this

man and my husband didn’t end there. I had ended
up jumping too quickly into a relationship with
someone because he had said he wanted to be with
me. Never mind that he was condescending, his
words and actions never matched, and he
consistently put me as his last priority. And so, it
seemed that because I had not taken the time to look
at, examine, and question my dating patterns,
behaviors, and most importantly, myself, I had
ended up in another unhappy relationship with a
younger, better-looking version of my ex-husband.

5
It ended horribly. He broke up with me, cheated on
me, and there I was again, two years later, in the
exact same situation I had been in with my ex-
husband. It was then I knew that if I didn’t do some
serious deep work on this issue, I was going to keep
repeating this pattern.

I didn’t like who I was. And I had no idea what I was

doing. After a few years of dating, I was tired. I was
frustrated. I felt like I was going to be single forever.
I was meeting guys, but none of them were husband
material. I was meeting quality casual guys: guys
that I would date for a few months who would say
things like, “I’m just not looking for a relationship
right now,” or, “I just want
to have fun.” I knew that if
I was meeting guys who I didn’t do some
didn’t respect me and who
serious deep work
didn’t show up when they
said they were going to. I on this issue, I was
kept meeting “players,” going to keep
guys who would string me
along until I had to ask
repeating this
them the “What are we pattern.
doing?” question, which

6
was always answered with something like, “Marni, I
really like you BUT…”

After months of feeling bad about myself, one day I

decided that if I wanted to be happy and I wanted to
find love, I knew I had to reinvent myself. I had to fix
myself, but even though I wanted love so badly, the
truth is, I didn’t know where to start. The pain had
built up so much that I had to take action.

I finally found a place where I could fix my

destructive relationship patterns, which changed
everything and helped me realize what was wrong.
I discovered the lies that women are told about
finding love. These are things that they don’t teach
you at a conference or in a class.

I am happy to say I am now in the healthiest, most

fulfilling relationship with my husband that I’ve
ever been in in my life. And today I want to share
with you what I learned so that you stop living the
life you are so ashamed of—a life of hiding, of
feeling like something is wrong with you because
this “love thing” is so elusive—and finally start
living a life in which you have self-worth, sex
appeal, and dating savvy, which truly are the three

7
“must-haves” to finding lasting love with yourself
and someone else.

8
Case Studies
So let’s get back to Kelli. First of all, I know what you
may have been thinking when I first described Kelli.
Maybe you thought, “Yeah, she was unhappy. I get
that, but I bet she had a killer body or maybe she
lives in one of those ‘top 10 places to meet men’ kind
of cities or that she lost a ton of weight or works in
an industry where there are a ton of successful
men.” Well, guess what? Kelli is ordinary just like
you and just like me. In fact, Kelli is actually pretty
curvaceous and she lives in a small town in the
Northwest, which is not a “man haven” for sure.
But what she did was extraordinary: she finally took
responsibility for her dating results and stopped
making the #1 mistake she had been unknowingly
making for years, and within two weeks, she met the
man, Dan, who is now her fiancé. All this happened
without having to do a lot of confusing exercises or
mindless repetitions. She simply learned the system
I am going to teach you and voilà—it was hard-wired
into Kelli’s brain. Without trying, she simply became
irresistible to Dan.

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Kelli stopped
making the #1
mistake she had
been unknowingly
making for years..

But Kelli’s story isn’t really that unique. Monica is a

very powerful executive. She works in the world of
finance, and it was super important to Monica to
meet a man who was her equal. Because of her high
profile international job, Monica was unable to use a
lot of the more traditional ways people meet men,
like online dating sites or singles events. And
Monica wasn’t getting any younger. She was in her
mid-50s and felt like, because she had never been
married before, men would think there was
something inherently wrong in her. But the truth is
that Monica would think about having a man in her
life like crazy. She envisioned walking hand in hand
with her guy, romantic dinners with an amazing
man, and a strong sense of self-confidence, knowing

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she was worthy of love with an amazing guy. Once
she mastered the exact science of choosing the right
partner for her—something I’m going to share with
you in a bit—Monica met Larry, a man who adores
her. Within a few months, Larry—the man who
treasures her, who treats her like gold, a successful,
smart, international traveler, who is the perfect man
for Monica—proposed.

11
The Role Loving Yourself Plays in
Becoming Irresistible
Most of us however, miss out on the opportunities
that Kelli and Monica had because we keep trying
harder: working on skills, learning new things that
simply don’t work. And so we keep meeting only
non-committal men and become overwhelmed and
tired of disappointment and heartbreak. We read
articles about being more feminine and about self-
love. We try harder, but still nothing works.

But listen up now. This next piece is what you

probably don’t know. And that is that loving yourself
comes down to changing how you think about
yourself and how you talk

Loving yourself to yourself. If the way you

talk to yourself is to say
comes down to how things like, “I look so fat in
you think about this,” “He’s never going to

yourself and how call,” “I’m too old,”

“Dating is hard,” or “I
you talk to yourself. think I’m just not good at
relationships,” that’s not
self-love, even if you got a

12
facial or a manicure this morning. If your boyfriend
talked to you like you talk to yourself, you would
want to dump him in a heartbeat.

So you have to break up with the old you. You have to

be gentle and nice to yourself—the way you would
want a man to treat you. This is exciting because that
means that, when you are able to make these
adjustments, you will be on the path to finding love
with the perfect partner for you.

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The #1 Mistake Men Wish
You Knew
In this book, I am going to share how to transform.
You will learn how to stop being the woman who’s
sort of “white knuckling” it through dating, filled
with self-doubt and frustration. I will share how to
literally take the hating out of dating and become
confident, peaceful, relaxed, and irresistible to the
men you want rather than the men you typically get.

Imagine changing how you talk to yourself into the

exact things to say to draw love to you like a magnet.
I’m talking about every guy staring at you when you
walk in anywhere. The guy you always wanted—
maybe it’s a friend or a guy online, a guy you used to
date, it could be the guy you just met at Starbucks—
whoever that guy is, it can make you a magnet for
him! What you always wanted can be yours, and you
are about to learn how.

So, let’s now dig into the #1 mistake men wish you
knew. This principle is a game-changer. The
number one mistake men wish you knew is this:
You are leaking.

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 What do I mean by
saying that you’re
leaking? Ultimately,
whatever you’re
wearing, however
great you look, and whatever it is that you’ve done to
sort of pump yourself up for a date, it doesn’t
matter. Here’s why. The unconscious thoughts,
feelings, beliefs, and attitudes that reflect what you
REALLY believe about yourself—dating, men, love,
and sex—are being broadcast and radiating outward
into the world and, worst of all, onto your date. This
happens even in your online profile. And so then it
doesn’t matter what’s going on externally, such as
what you’re wearing or your size (like Kelli was
worried about before she met Dan). It doesn’t matter
that you’re “trying” to be more open. It doesn’t
matter that you’re “working on” being more
feminine. It doesn’t matter where you live or what
site you’re on. It doesn’t matter how smart you are
or how much money you make or how much you
don’t make. The fact is you’re leaking, and men can
sense it, and it can cause them to disappear, to
vanish, to give you the impression that the date was
amazing only to find out that they don’t call back.

15
Once you discover WHAT messages you are
broadcasting—what, essentially, you are leaking and
get very clear on what leaking really looks like on a
date—you can then learn specific strategies to stop
the leaking once and for all so that
you actually put out a message into You will begin
the Universe to men that says,
“You will feel good when you
to ultimately
spend time with me.” You will magnetize
begin to ultimately magnetize
quality men
quality men toward you.
towards you.
Haley came to me feeling very sad
and very scared. She didn’t feel like anyone could
love her because of things that happened to her
when she was very young. No matter how she tried
to “be positive” and work on it, men kept
disappearing. She was leaking, “I’m broken. I’m not
lovable.” Once she discovered what she was
broadcasting and where it came from, she was able
to disconnect from her past and rediscover her
lovability, and the conversations in her head when
she was online started to change. When she was
getting dressed for a date, she noticed that she was
excited rather than anxious or numb, and within just
a few months of putting the focus on what she could

16
change—herself and her inner dialogue—she started
to meet amazing men. Eventually, she met Austin,
who is now her husband.

The truth is this: if you don’t figure out exactly what

you’re leaking and look at shifting it in a way that is
lasting so that you experience true transformation of
your inner dialogue, you will continue to attract the
wrong men and—this is really tragic—you will never
know the exact reason you’re still single. That means
that no matter what you wear or whom you hire to
write your online profile or how feminine you think
that new dress is, it most likely won’t work. Ninety
percent of the women who work within our system
are shocked and horrified when they see just how
much crap they are leaking despite their best efforts
to find true love.

Let’s start to investigate what you may be leaking.

There are two types of messages that you are

leaking, or broadcasting, to men. One is the message
we want to leak—to broadcast. It’s a message that
says, “I’m confident. I’m worthy. Men love me. I’m a
great catch.” And those thoughts, feelings, and
actions are what we call anabolic messages. They’re
positive, they’re nurturing, and they’re healthy.

17
They actually help you thrive and grow and live at
your optimum. When you are broadcasting anabolic
juju, it’s like chick crack: a man can’t get enough. It
flips his commitment trigger. He starts to see
himself being happier as a result of being with you.
He imagines how you’re going to make his life even
more awesome than it already is.

Now the other thoughts, those thoughts and beliefs

that we leak, are called catabolic thoughts. And
here’s why 90 percent of women are leaking
catabolic thoughts:

They have NO idea they were leaking these thoughts

at all.

They think everyone thinks like they do and that,

because it’s “all good on the outside,” nobody can
tell what’s going on inside their minds.

As successful women, we

We can’t hide what’s become so good at

rationalizing, coping,
going on in our looking for the silver
subconscious mind. lining, and trying to put
on the happy face that we
don’t even realize that we can’t hide what’s going on
in our subconscious mind. Those messages, ladies,

18
are what we do not want to leak. Catabolic thoughts
put out messages of, “I have to fight to get what I
want. You better like me or it’s your loss,” or, “I
can’t really trust everyone,” and maybe even, “I
have to protect myself. I’m going to get taken
advantage of,” or “I’m going to get hurt and I’ll
never let what happened to me in the past happen
again.” Catabolic thoughts can also be, “I’m not
worth it. Ugh, why bother? It never works for me.
What did I do wrong this time?” You might have all
of those, you might have some of those, or you
might just have one. But whatever it is, those
catabolic thoughts, feelings, and actions are stirred
up; and then they’re projected into that message
you’re broadcasting. And that is what you’re leaking.
For most of us, we don’t even realize that we’re
leaking because we think that these are thoughts
that are restricted to the space between our ears. It’s
a secret. In fact, one of my clients, Mindy, became
acutely aware of this as she was beginning to work
through our system.

Mindy just didn’t have chemistry with Dave. Dave

was really “good on paper.” When she finally
decided to stop dating Dave, he told Mindy that he
wasn’t surprised. He told her his impression of her

19
was that she was the most emotionally unavailable
woman he had ever met. Mindy was shocked because
she thought that she was really trying with Dave and
that he believed she was totally into him. However,
what was really going on was that Mindy was
attracting men with whom she couldn’t connect on a
deep level because she was terrified of being
vulnerable, of “letting

Once she uncovered herself” fall, and of

getting hurt. So Dave was
what she was a great match in that she
leaking and released didn’t have to ever resolve

it once and for all, any of those fears. Once

she uncovered what she
she became a man was leaking and released it

magnet., meeting once and for all, she

became a man magnet,
the man who is now meeting the man who is
her husband just now her husband just two

two months later. months later.

When you’re leaking, you

end up attracting, as I said before, men who are
players, vanishers, and commitment-phobes. And
then you get engaged again and again and again by
dating the same guy with a different face again and

20
again and again. So in order to change the result, we
have to go right to the core of what those beliefs are
that you have. Then we have to unwind and unravel
them so that you start to have anabolic thoughts,
feelings, and actions, which will enable you to meet
quality men and find love now, knowing that no
matter what you’re putting out there physically, no
matter what dress you’re wearing or how hard you’re
trying to be charming and beautiful and amazing…
well, often, those thoughts and feelings—what you
really feel toward dating and yourself—are leaking
out. And men can tell!

What we need to do is overcome those lower energy-

level thoughts: those thoughts and beliefs that look
like, “I’m not enough. I’m too needy. I’m broken. I
hope he loves me. Pick me! Pick me!” or, the energy
that says, “Hey, I don’t need you,” or maybe being
aloof, playing hard to get to attract that guy, or
feeling like you have to protect yourself. Those
energy levels don’t attract the good guys, so we’re
going to dig into who it does attract. And you’re
probably going to raise your hand and say, “Oh no,
that’s me.”

21
What we want to do is focus on how we can raise our
energy to this anabolic level we talked about so that
you are attracting and attracted to the good guys: Mr.
Boyfriend-Material. And later on I’m going to tell
you exactly how you know you’re dating a good guy.
You’re going to love it. What we want to do is raise
our energy so that we’re in a place of coping, not
taking things personally, and feeling confident and
calm even when we get

What we want to do is disappointed in dating.

From that place, where
raise our energy so we appreciate the

that we’re in a place journey as well as the

destination, we start to
of coping, not taking attract the good guys
things personally, and the bad guys, so to

feeling confident and speak, kind of disappear.

And when they do show
calm even when we get up, imagine this: we’re

disappointed not attracted to them

anymore.
in dating.

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How to Choose Wisely—The Five
Types of Men to Be Aware Of
Let’s now talk about choosing the right men for you.
I want you to really make sure you pay attention to
this piece. So, if you haven’t already, get a pen, get
paper, and write it down because I’m going to teach
you the word and the phrase to look for so you know
right away if you’re dating a player or a guy who will
vanish. This will change your game forever.

Once you have revealed what you’re leaking and

release it once and for all and for the last time, it’s
time to discover your “true type,” ultimately
mastering the exact science of how to choose the guy
who is ready for long-term partnership with you. In
particular, I’m going to teach you the FIVE types of
men in the Manimal Jungle and how to use a very
powerful tool we have in the SuperMe System called
“The Disclaimer.”

First, let’s talk briefly about why you need to fix

what many of you call “your broken picker.” The
truth is that your picker is not broken. What is
broken, however, is that you’re not selecting men
from a place where you believe in your value. In fact,

23
in interviewing hundreds of men, the good guys
want you to know the difference between the good
guy (them), and the not-so-good guy so that you
start appreciating how amazing they are!

Selecting poorly keeps you single and stuck. You

settle. You agonize over how to capture his heart.
You fantasize. You complain. Meanwhile, the great
guys are out there waiting for you to realize how
amazing they are so they can sweep you off your feet
and give you that love and partnership that you
really want.

The Hunter

Let’s enter into the

Manimal Jungle. Let me
first introduce you to “The
Hunter.” The Hunter is that
bad boy. We’ve all dated him. I used to date him. I
was somehow magnetized to his alluring charm, yet
I knew in my heart of hearts this guy was dangerous.
And in some ways, I think that’s why I was most
attracted to him. The Hunter is a good guy, so don’t
think he’s just obviously a creep because this guy
looks good on paper. He might have a great job, he

24
might be really smart, he might be really handsome,
and he might be really sophisticated. That’s what
makes him alluring. But the bottom line is The
Hunter is not looking for a relationship. He’s looking
for Ms. Right Now.

When you’re dating a Hunter, sometimes it feels like

you’re in what I call “The Faux Relationship.” He
calls you at the last minute and maybe takes you out
on an amazing date, just when you think he’s
disappeared. Sometimes he loves taking you out into
the world and even making you feel like you’re his
girlfriend. I call this Girlfriend Privileges without
Taking Boyfriend Responsibility. After that amazing
date and maybe you sleep with him (because
sometimes we do that), he disappears for a while.
And just when you’re ready to delete his number, he
calls and he’s sweet and he says these amazing
things. But he never takes a relationship further.
Now, what’s really challenging about dating The
Hunter is that he’s a good guy, so you see his
potential. You believe that he could just land in that
sweet spot—that spot that he shows you when he’s
being vulnerable and he looks in your eyes and he
hugs you and cares for you and treats you just
deliciously—if he could only sustain that. But it’s

25
fleeting. And the next day or the next week, or even
two hours later, it’s gone and you feel invisible.

The Hunter doles out what I call crumbs. It’s like

that little bread trail. As I said, when you’re feeling
like, “Ugh,” you can’t take it anymore, he does
something really amazing or something really sweet
or even calls. Then you find yourself sucked back
into that vortex of believing that maybe you’re in a
relationship. The bottom line for many of us is that
when we’re dating a Hunter, we have this deep-
seated thought that “If I’m good enough, if I do this,
if I’m skinny enough, if I
bring him coffee, maybe if Recognizing the
I’m good enough, he will
change and decide that he
disclaimer will let
wants to be in a relationship you know, instantly,
with me.” Here’s the truth: that you are
The Hunter is a hunter. Men
mean what they say and say
dating a hunter.
what they mean. So, you
know you’re dating a Hunter if he issues what I call
The Disclaimer. Recognizing the disclaimer will let
you know, instantly, that you are dating a hunter.

26
So what are the words and phrases that you let you
know a man is issuing The Disclaimer? Pay close
attention now. The disclaimer is,
BUT.. “I like you a lot, but…”

“I like you a lot. You’re amazing. In fact, you’re the

most incredible woman I’ve dated, but I just got out
of a bad relationship.”

“I like you a lot. I feel incredible with you, but right

now, my career’s really important to me.”

“I like you a lot. You’re amazing, but I’ve got to focus

on my goal of running this marathon. It’s so
important to me.”

The Disclaimer is very, very subtle. And it’s that “I

like you a lot” part where he lays on the charm that,
for most of us as women, it’s like we become
selectively deaf and we don’t hear the “but.”

You are dating a Hunter if he issues The Disclaimer.

So ladies, if you hear it, accept it as TRUTH. When
you hear The Disclaimer, it’s the final neon sign
you’ll need to know that this guy is a guy you need to
leave and move on from because he’s not looking for
a long-term relationship.

27
My client, Christina, heard The Disclaimer on a date
recently. This guy was handsome, he had a great
job, he was really smart, and he was even spiritual.
They had “deep” conversations. And suddenly, over
Chocolate Molten Lava Cake, she heard The
Disclaimer.

He said he recently got out of a relationship but he

really wanted to get to know her. He thinks Christina
is amazing and smart. He even said, “I know you’re a
woman who won’t settle for anything less in a
relationship.” So, between sips of espresso,
Christina asked him what it would take for him to
really be ready for a relationship. He answered, “I
don’t know, but I know that I’m not ready. But [long
pause] I really want to see you.”

You know what she said during that dinner? She

said, “Okay. That’s cool. You know, I’m actually
really busy too.”

In our next coaching session, we put the kibosh on

that relationship for Christina because the bottom
line is, she is really ready for a relationship. So she
had to go back to him and say, “You know what?
Actually, I’m looking for more, and you’re right.
That’s not enough. And I do deserve, at this point in

28
my life, what I’m looking for, which is much, much
more.” And, because she avoided a Hunter, she was
able to meet her now-fiancé within two months of
that date with Bill.

Mr. Quality Casual

Let’s say you’re done

with Hunters, or you
know a Hunter when
you see him so you’re
not attracted to them
anymore. This next
Manimal, Mr. Quality
Casual, can be one of
the most dangerous in the jungle because he’s a
really good guy. He’s definitely not a Hunter, and
he’s almost boyfriend material, which we’re going to
describe later.

So how do you know you’re dating Mr. Quality

Casual? Like The Hunter, he’s good on paper:
handsome, has a good job, smart, and sincere. He
might have even done a lot of work on himself. But,
he has other priorities in his life right now, and he’s
looking for a casual relationship with a quality

29
woman. Now, how do you know you’re dating Mr.
Quality Casual? Remember, this one is tricky. First of
all, dates often start after he does his life. He’s
asking you out regularly, maybe once or twice a week
and at least once on the weekends, but the dates
start after he does other things: after he goes to the
gym, after the conference call, after he has his kids,
after, after, after. He really wants to see you, but he
never makes you a priority. And if he continues to do
this regularly over time, you might want to take into
consideration that this is a huge sign he could be Mr.
Quality Casual.

In short, the pace does not

increase when you’re dating
In short, the
Quality Casual. He’s keeping pace does not
it casual. At the beginning, increase when
it’s a little tricky because you
might think, “Yeah, well, you
you’re dating
know what? It’s great, he’s Quality Casual.
going slowly, and we’re not
rushing.” And that is true. But if the patterns don’t
change and he doesn’t increase the frequency with
which he contacts you, if he doesn’t just call you to
say, “Hey,” or text you in the morning or doesn’t
start moving toward that next level, he’s probably

30
Mr. Quality Casual. Finally, you’ll know you’re dating
Mr. Quality Casual when he does not bring you into
his inner circle. If you’re never meeting his friends,
if he talks about his family or his sister and doesn’t
say, “One day you’ll meet her,” but just sort of
references her casually, you’re definitely staying on
the outer circle.

Now, you have some options when you’re dating this

guy. You can just check in and make sure that your
relationship goals are the same thing; and if they
are, then you want to start getting your needs met so
that it does increase and shift, or you might find out
that he’s not looking for what you’re looking for.
Now, of course you need to know how to have these
conversations, and we do lots of that in our SuperMe
System, but we’ll talk about that later.

The Crybaby

Next, how do you know you are dating a Crybaby?

Well, first of all, this guy does have a giant heart.
He’s sensitive, and you will have an incredible
emotional connection to him, usually right away,
because he wears his heart on his sleeve. In fact,
he’ll share the intimate details of his life quickly,

31
and the relationship may move really fast. Now
here’s what’s crazy about this. If you’ve ever dated
the Quality Casual guy or The Hunter, when a man
like The Crybaby wants to see you all the time and
looks you in the eye and makes you melt and tells
you everything you want to hear, it feels really good.
And it hits that sweet spot where you start to believe
that you know who he is and you can really quickly
fall in love with his potential and, from that place,
fall into a relationship too quickly. Let’s look at how
this can happen.

First, he may overshare and tell

You can quickly you what’s in his heart, which

fall in love with makes you feel comfortable so

that you, in turn, overshare.
his potential Then, you may start to reveal
and, from that things that will actually freak

place, fall into out The Crybaby because he’s

not emotionally capable of really
a relationship being in a place to have a

too quickly. relationship. So how do you

recognize a Crybaby?

If he’s a serial monogamist. This means he has had a

series of relationships, one after another, which

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were very serious. There’s typically not a long break
between relationships for a Crybaby because this
guy’s really needy.

Now, if you feel like you’re dating The Crybaby—and

it went really fast and he was open and there’s this
great connection and amazing chemistry, and you
say to your girlfriends, “Oh my gosh, I’ve never met
anyone like this before!”—beware! He might be a
Crybaby. Now here’s the thing: this man may be in
his developmental process of becoming emotionally
mature. However, he might be really needy and a
little bit broken in some ways. You might have to
take care of him financially or emotionally; and for a
woman who has a big heart and is sensitive and has
what we call this energetic level around compassion
and care and giving, it fulfills that need in her to
give, especially if it’s hard to receive. It’s really
much easier to give, and we just draw The Crybabies
right to us. But the bottom line is that this man is
not capable emotionally, physically, spiritually, or
mentally. He’s not ready to be in a relationship.

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Mr. Elusive

Now we will discuss Mr.

Elusive. Oh my goodness,
these guys used to drive
me crazy, and they make
my clients nutso. Mr. Elusive is like slippery soap;
you have it and then, “Pshht!” you don’t. “Where
did he go?”

Mr. Elusive is warm, he makes a quick connection,

and in some ways he starts out like that Crybaby. But
here’s the difference: Mr. Elusive loves and values
his independence, and he has a really hard time
committing. In fact, when he looks in the mirror, he
might define himself as not being good at
relationships or being incapable of commitment.
He’s really honest, and he might even tell you that.
He’ll have his own form of The Disclaimer. He’ll say
things like, “It’s not you, baby, it’s me.” He’s hot,
he’s cold, and he believes sometimes that you can be
in love without having to make a commitment or
have an official relationship status. This person

34
comes into your life and sweeps you off your feet,
and then he disappears.

It’s so confusing and heartbreaking to date a Mr.

Elusive. But in the end, it’s not really about you; it is
him. As I said earlier, these

The bottom line is men mean what they say

and say what they mean. So
that a Mr. if you’re dating someone
Elusive is who comes in fast and then

connected to his disappears and then comes

back in and disappears
independence again, it’s not that you’re

right now, and he broken. It’s not that you

need to try and wrap your
is not able to be in head around his beliefs
a relationship. about relationship and
commitment, in that you
don’t need to make it official, or that, somehow, you
could change his beliefs. The bottom line is that a
Mr. Elusive is connected to his independence right
now, and he’s not able to be in a relationship. He
knows this, and he’ll tell you. So hear him, believe
him, and move on.

35
Mr. Boyfriend Material

Now let’s talk about Mr. Boyfriend Material. Mr.

Long-term relationship.

Wouldn’t you like to know how to recognize the good

guys? And remember, men want you to know how to
recognize them, and how to recognize those other
men in the jungle, so that you can choose the good
guys. Here’s what’s tricky: when you’re leaking at a
lower level, you don’t often notice these guys in a
crowd. Or, even worse, you don’t attract them. So
when you stop leaking crap and your energy goes up,
all of a sudden these guys are everywhere.

The other day I had a client, Sue, who wrote me an

email and said, “Ever since I started doing the
SuperMe training, I stopped leaking! And guess
what? I feel like I got a secret password to
Match.com because all of a sudden, every guy who
writes to me is like boyfriend material.”

How do you know if a guy you meet is the real deal?

Number one—and I think this is the most
important—his words and actions match. So, when
he says he’s going to call, he calls. When he says
he’s going to be there at seven, he’s there at seven.
He doesn’t have excuses. His words and actions

36
match. He says he’s looking for a relationship, and
he acts like it. He’s consistent. Above all, he doesn’t
ever play games. He doesn’t want drama.

Mr. Boyfriend Material will simply not like you more

if you follow “The Rules.” You have to ditch the rules
and be authentic and let him know in a feminine,
powerful, appropriate way that you’re interested.

Mr. Boyfriend Material can also express his feelings

appropriately, even when it’s bad news. If he’s
feeling afraid or if he’s uncomfortable, he’ll tell you.
Again, even when it’s bad news—as opposed to, for
example, Mr. Elusive—he won’t just disappear. He
might say, “I really like you a lot, this is really scary
for me, but I really want to get
to know you more.” He is aware A man who is
of his emotions; he can ready to be in
recognize them. He expresses
them, and he manages them so
a long-term
he doesn’t leak. Mr. Boyfriend relationship is
Material can communicate.
not in another
Now, this is not rocket science,
ladies, but a man who is ready
relationship.
to be in a long-term relationship is not in another
relationship. That means he’s not separated, he’s

37
not going to leave “soon,” he’s not been fighting
with his wife lately. I know some of you may think
this is obvious, but I cannot tell you how many
women come to me believing these Disclaimers, and
I myself fell for this big time. So I really want you to
understand that if he’s not available physically, then
he’s definitely not Mr. Boyfriend Material.

The last thing, the last little secret that men want
you to know about selecting wisely, is this: Mr.
Boyfriend Material will not ever push you to have
sex; and if you say no, he doesn’t even question it.
It’s no; it’s a nonissue. It’s like a no-brainer. Now,
many women have limiting beliefs that they have to,
you know, “put out” after the second or third date or
even on the first date if he buys you a really great
dinner. No. Men who are the real deal do not expect
it. In fact (highlight, underline this), IF YOU DO,
THEN HE’LL KNOW THAT YOU’RE ACTUALLY NOT
HIS MS. RIGHT. He’ll just put you in the category of
Ms. Right Now. This is really, really important.

So, when you’re dating, all you have to do is look at

these criteria to quickly identify a good man who is
looking for an intimate, long-term relationship.

38
Mr. Boyfriend-Material:
His words and actions match.
He can express his feelings appropriately.
He is single.
He won’t push you to have sex.

39
The #1 Thing You MUST Do to Find
Love with a Quality, Alpha Male
Now, this next piece we are going to cover—the #1
thing you MUST do to find love with a quality,
alpha male—is super counterintuitive, and it’s why
most women have a really hard time getting a man
to commit and to take the relationship to the next
level. This is important because, when you
understand this concept, you will feel like that
“popular” girl we love to hate because, deep inside,
we want to be her. This piece is literally the number
one thing that quality men are attracted to.

Let’s review what we’ve covered thus far. No matter

what you’re wearing or how smart you are or how
skinny you are or how big your boobs are, it just
doesn’t matter. It’s inner confidence that really is
attractive to a quality, alpha male. When you don’t
feel good about yourself, when you’re frustrated,
when you’re angry, when work is making you
bummed out, when you’re just sick of it, they can
tell. We also talked about how the really good guys
wish you knew how to say “No” to the guys who are
never going to treat you right, because they’re

40
looking for you and waiting for you to say “Yes”
to them.

So let’s talk about how to become a Man Magnet.

And remember, this is not about the boobs, it’s not
about the skinny waists, it’s not about having too
many kids or not having enough kids or wanting
kids. It’s something deeper. And once you
understand this, it will revolutionize your dating
experience.

So what it is it? Pay attention closely because this

concept is completely counterintuitive.

Let me tell you why. As women we believe that the

more low-maintenance we are—the more easy-
going and chill—the more men will want to be with
us. And so, we try to be that. I call this being “The
Cool Girl.” But the truth is this: if you accept crumbs
from men, if you say “Yes” to dates that are planned
at the last minute, if you meet him out at eleven
o’clock, if you don’t have boundaries, and if you
don’t state and express your expectations and needs
directly, men actually start to devalue you. And as a
result, they begin to see you not as Ms. Right but as
Ms. Right Now.

41
Here is where this gets tricky. You’re really smart.
And because this isn’t your first time at the rodeo,
you’re not succumbing to the obvious temptations.
Maybe you’re long done hooking up with men you
met at a bar at midnight or maybe you aren’t, but the
bottom line is this. When you’re a caring, nurturing,
kind woman who genuinely wants to make a man
happy from a very heartfelt
place, you may have Cool Girl You may have
Mentality and not even realize Cool Girl
that’s what you’re doing.
Mentality and
Let me give you an example.
Lee was a client of mine who
not even realize
had really been working hard at that’s what
dating with dignity. She had
finally met Ted, a great guy,
you’re doing.
except things with Ted were
going really, really slowly. Of course, Ted was a
legitimately great guy, so he always had a really good
reason for being late—a well-intentioned reason to
cancel at the last minute and for not following
through on his promises. In fact, he was such a good
guy that he even said to Lee, “I can’t believe I found
a woman who is so understanding when I screw up.”

42
Can you relate?

But here’s the thing. Lee had become so “cool”

about Ted’s blunders that Ted’s behavior didn’t
change. And while Lee was saying things like, “It’s
cool. It’s fine. I have some work to do anyway,” or,
“You’re such a great dad, Ted. I totally understand
why you need to cancel so you can be refreshed
tomorrow when you see your kids,” deep down she
was getting PISSED at Ted. She was also pissed at
herself for letting Ted walk all over her. Once she
realized that she had become “The Cool Girl,” she
stopped being so nice and understanding. She
stopped making excuses for Ted and started to
express her feelings in a feminine yet VERY powerful
way. And, within ONE week Ted stopped being Mr.
Blunderful and turned into Mr. Wonderful. And, now
Ted and Lee are engaged.

What I need for you to do is

Not only do you understand that not only do

not want to you not want to accept

crumbs but that you actually
accept crumbs, deserve cake and that, when

you deserve cake. you expect it, when you

articulate it, when you

43
demand it in a very feminine, powerful way, men
will actually want to spend more time with you, not
less. That is how you begin to get them to commit
and see you as that special one. See? It’s
counterintuitive. Ladies, you are powerful.

I will never forget when my client Katie understood

this at a very deep level. At the beginning she didn’t
understand the concept of being a powerful,
feminine woman. She felt like men had all the
power: they were choosing her, they were picking
her, or they were rejecting her. Here’s the truth: she
quickly realized after accessing her SuperMe self that
SHE had the power and that SHE set the tone. Since
she was now dating from a place of abundance, she
realized that this one particular guy was not the last
guy on the planet or that she should be grateful
because, you know, he’s better than any other guy
she ever dated. That’s when everything started to
change for her. She started dating from a place of
self-worth and confidence. She realized she had sex
appeal, and she started to become a savvy dater,
communicating to men exactly what kind of man she
wanted to be with in a way that actually inspired
men to become that guy. The guys who didn’t want to
play along were out, which actually saved Katie time,

44
frustration, and pain. Katie realized you only get
what you settle for. And if she settled for “good
enough” when it came to love, that’s what she would
get. Because Katie mastered the ability to set
boundaries and then hold them, she quickly flipped
Roger’s commitment trigger within weeks of
meeting him. Now they’re married, and within a
year Katie gave birth to Bella.

45
Your Dating with Dignity Plan
It’s important that you really take time to assess
your current dating patterns and decide if they’re
working or not. Ask yourself what it will really cost
you if you just keep trying harder and trying to
resolve it on your own. You take the information that
you learn, you read the books, and you go out and
you try and you try.

But what happens for most women (and I do

hundreds of assessments with women that really
unlock why they’re still single) is that, no matter
how much we try, these nasty
What you have little default tendencies—these

to do is stop old beliefs based on our past

experiences—keep coming up,
trying harder especially when we’re triggered,
at what’s not when we’re scared, or when we

working and really like him. As a result, it

literally becomes impossible to
come up with try harder. We are stuck.

your intentional Therefore, what you have to do

is stop trying harder at what’s
Dating plan. not working and come up with

46
your intentional Dating Plan. How are you going to
unwind and unravel those beliefs that aren’t serving
you? How are you going to understand what is an
appropriate expectation? Are you going to be able to
communicate and express your feelings in a way
that’s not bossy or bitchy or weak but really
feminine and really powerful? Do you know how to
communicate who you are as a strong, feminine
woman on your online profile? Does it come across
in your text messages? You need to create a plan
based on dating with dignity.

Let’s look at the three elements that plan has to

have. There are three pieces to the plan to date with
dignity and really attract good men. Without all
three of them operating at maximum potential, you
can’t actually succeed in love. It’s almost like a
barstool. If you don’t have those three even legs, the
bar stool tips over. It’s not stable.

Number one is self-worth or self-esteem. We want

you to be in a place where you value
#1 yourself—that the way you define

Self-Worth yourself is in a positive light, that

you think you’re worth it, that you

47
take cake rather than crumbs because that’s really
how you feel about yourself.

The second piece, the second cornerstone, is sex

appeal. We’re not talking about
#2 being sexy or slutty or sexual;
Sex Appeal we’re talking about connecting to
your femininity. Now here’s the
thing: I know for a lot of us, including myself and,
actually, most of my clients who are really strong
successful women, we don’t want to have to jump
into that feminine energy box because it’s really not
who we are. But the bottom line is that we’re all
women, and most of us really want to attract that
modern alpha male: the strong guy who’s also got a
big heart and connects to his emotions. There’s no
way around it.

In order to attract this guy, we have to be able to

connect to our feminine self. We have to be willing
to be vulnerable. We have to be open. And this is a
critical piece; being vulnerable DOES NOT mean that
you are helpless. What being vulnerable DOES mean
is that we have to be fearless and be open even when
we’re terrified. And we have to learn how to receive
love. I know that’s really hard because I remember

48
being in that place of thinking, “If I receive it, if I
allow it, if it goes away, I might die.” I knew, after
working through this, that I wouldn’t die. And that
gave me the power and the confidence that men are
really attracted to.

Finally, the third and final piece is that you have to

have dating savvy. You have to
#3 know how to date in the 21st

Dating Savvy century. You have to know how

to be powerful yet feminine.
You have to articulate your needs and create
boundaries using proven feminine communication
techniques. You have to know how to text and
instant message and date online. You have to know
how you can actually pursue a man without letting
him know that he’s being pursued so that he can
step into his alpha.

There are tricks, there are scripts, there are tools,

and there are strategies. And in order to really be
successful in today’s modern world, you have to
learn how to date in a savvy way. I’m going to tell
you how you can master The Magic Three. I’m going
to actually give you the key to dating with dignity.

49
A lot of you will understand that connecting the dots
and having the “a-ha” moment is great, but it just
doesn’t seem to be enough to actually materialize a
relationship.

Let me clarify why that’s not working for you.

Because what happens is that when you bring
another person into the mix—you know, you’re
feeling confident, you remembered what I taught
you, you go out there and then you meet an amazing
guy—all of a sudden, you get right back to those
default patterns: to the being fearful, to feeling like
you’re not enough, to losing your power, to not
knowing what to say. And what I know is that the
women who understand this are the women who say,
“You know what? It’s not just going to happen
magically from information and a-has.”

The women who know that it takes accountability

and the practical tools so that they can really make a
difference stop wishing and start really getting what
they want; they take action. And I think that that’s
probably you, because you’re here.

In fact, you may not feel confident right now that

this could ever be you. Guess what? I’m going to lend
you my confidence to get you there.

50
Next Steps to Find Love Now
What I know from the bottom of my heart is that I
absolutely can help you.

You have two choices on where you go from here.

You are at what I call a “choice point.” So, here are
your choices:

Choice#1: Take this information in this book and try

to go at it alone...

OR There’s Choice 2: The Savvy Choice

This is the smartest, quickest, and easiest way to

find the love you desire and deserve with a
quality man:

Since you’ve already opted-in

for this book, I’ll be in touch
with you shortly on the exact,
step-by-step blueprint for
finding a loving relationship
with a man who will adore you,
treat you like a queen, and
cherish you always.

51
So watch your email and I’ll be sharing with you a
radically simple program that will show you how to
attract your ideal man and create an undeniable
magnetic attraction that lasts.

Also, for the full and final version of this book, you
can download it on kindle here.

52
About the Author
Marni Battista, founder of Dating with Dignity,
has professional training in dating and relationship
coaching as well as training in the Core Energy
Coaching Process from the Institute of Professional
Excellence in Coaching (IPEC). A certified Life Coach
through the International Coaching Federation,
Battista is also a Master Practitioner at
administering an Energy Assessment—“The D-
Factor”—which helps clients pinpoint exactly
why they are or are not “date-able” and what
types of messages they unconsciously broadcast
to men based on their thoughts, feelings, actions,
and attitudes.

53