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THE BIG IDEAS Succeed

The Self-Control Muscle
How We Can Reach Our Goals
You can train it! BY HEIDI GRANT HALVORSON · HUDSON STREET PRESS © 2010 · 288 PAGES

Goal Targets
Specific + difficult but possible.

Confidence
In ability and challenges. “The important thing is that while achieving your goals is a bit more complicated
than just doing “Three Things,” it’s not overly complicated, either. In Part 1 of
Daydreaming
--> Rockin’ it. the book, “Get Ready,” I’ll talk about the key principles of goal-setting that seem
Goals Aren’t All Equal to be universally true, whether you’re pursuing goals at work, in relationships,
Choose wisely. or for self-development. In Part 2, “Get Set,” you’ll learn about the different
Getting Better kinds of goals we set for ourselves, focusing on the few distinctions that seem to
vs. Being good. matter the most. I’ll show you how to choose the goal that will work best for you
Visualizing Success personally in your situation. And you’ll learn how to instill the most beneficial
Is it a good idea?
goals in your children, students, and employees. In Part 3, “Go,” I’ll take you step
by step through the most common reasons why we fail to reach our goals once
we’ve started pursuing them. And you’ll learn effective, often simple and easy-to-
implement strategies for avoiding these pitfalls in the future.

In the last decade or two, social psychologists have come to know a lot about how
goals work. Succeed is my attempt to take that knowledge out of the academic
journals and handbooks and spread it around a bit more so that it can do some
good.”
“All of the work you will ~ Heidi Grant Halvorson from Succeed
read about here sheds
Heidi Grant Halvorson is one of the world’s leading researchers on goal setting. She’s also funny,
light on the most basic
smart, and down-to-earth.
processes of human
motivation and has been held Succeed delivers on it’s sub-title, providing a lot of Big Ideas on “How We Can Reach Our Goals.”
The book is REALLY (!) good--mixing theory with super-practical, *scientifically* grounded
to the highest standards
advice.
of research. That’s what
makes this book so We’ll barely scratch the surface in this quick Note. It’s one of those books where I wish I had
exceptional.” 60 pages instead of 6 pages to share all the goodness. But, alas, that would kind of defeat the
purpose, eh? :)
~ Carol Dweck
I’m excited to pull out a handful of my favorite Big Ideas that we can start applying today. If
you’re feelin’ it, I think you’ll LOVE the book. (Buy it on Amazon here.)

For now, let’s jump in! :)

THE SELF-CONTROL MUSCLE

“If you want more self-control, you can get more. And you get more self-control the same way
you get bigger muscles—you’ve got to give it regular workouts. Recent research has shown
that engaging in daily activities such as exercising, keeping track of your finances or what you
are eating—or even just remembering to sit up straight every time you think of it—can help
you develop your overall self-control capacity. For example, in one study, students who were
assigned to (and stuck to) a daily exercise program not only got physically healthier, but they

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 also became more likely to wash dishes instead of leaving them in the sink, and less likely to
“Stopping before you start
impulsively spend money.”
is an excellent strategy to
keep your need for self- Self-control: We can build it up just like we build up our muscles. AND, when we build it up in
control to a minimum.” one area it enhances self-control in other areas!

~ Heidi Grant Halvorson That’s incredibly cool.

Let’s take advantage of little opportunities to train by giving ourselves mini-workouts throughout
the day. Whether it’s resisting the unhealthy food, breathing when we’re stuck in traffic, sitting
up straight as often as we remember, exercising x times per week, eating more veggies, ...

Whatever it is, go out and rock it! And, remember that the more energy you put into developing
self-control in one area, the more it’s going to benefit other areas!!

GOAL TARGETS: DIFFICULT BUT POSSIBLE

“It’s also important when “Edwin Locke and Gary Latham, two eminent organizational psychologists, have spent several
you set goals to make decades studying the extraordinary effectiveness of setting specific and difficult goals. In more
them difficult, while still than one thousand studies conducted by researchers across the globe, they’ve found that goals
that spell out exactly what needs to be accomplished, and that set the bar for achievement high,
being realistic. You want to
result in far superior performance than goals that are vague or that set the bar too low. And this
challenge yourself and set
is true regardless of whether the goal is something you adopt on your own, something you are
the bar high, b/c challenges
assigned to complete, or something that you develop jointly with your parent, teacher, boss, or
really get the motivational
coworkers.”
juices flowing, while
avoiding goals that are more Well, there ya go.

or less improbable.” Over 1,000 (!!!) studies have been done around the world to scientifically establish the fact that
~ Heidi Grant Halvorson we perform better when we set SPECIFIC goals that challenge us.

Begs the question: What kind of goals are you setting these days? Specific and challenging?!

Keep this in mind: “Of course, you shouldn’t set goals that are not realistic or are impossible to
reach. Difficult but possible is the key. That’s because more difficult goals cause you to, often
unconsciously, increase your effort, focus, and commitment to the goal; persist longer; and make
better use of the most effective strategies.”

Reminds me of Tal Ben-Shahar’s wisdom from his great book Happier (see Notes) where he tells
us we want to set “stretch goals”—which are right in between our “comfort” and “panic” zones—
where we stretch enough so that we’re out of our comfort zones, but not SO far that we snap!

Back to you: What’s your #1 goal right now?

Let’s get specific. :)

My #1 Challenging Goal right now is: ________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________

(If you need to go take some action in the direction of that goal, btw, please go for it. We’ll wait
for you. :)

P.S. For those curious souls, my #1 Goal right now is: To finish PN-II (another 100 Notes on
awesome optimal living classics (PDFs + MP3s + PNTVs)) by August 31st, 2011. This is #47 and
it’s March 28th as I type this. So, I have 5 months to get the next 53 done (+ all 100 of the TVs).
This is a specific, difficult but possible goal that motivates me and keeps me focused!!

Wish me luck as I send best regards on you crushing your #1 specific and challenging goal! :)

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 CONFIDENCE: IN ABILITY AND CHALLENGES
“Ultimately, people who “Women who imagined that the path to weight loss would be easy lost an average of twenty-
think that reaching their four pounds less than those who imagined themselves having a hard time resisting temptation.
goal will be a breeze simply Oettingen and her colleagues have found the same pattern when looking at students in

aren’t prepared for what search of high-paying jobs after college, at single individuals looking to form lasting romantic
relationships, and at seniors recovering from hip replacement surgery. No matter who they are
lies ahead of them, and they
and what they are trying to do, we find that successful people not only have confidence that they
can be devastated when the
will eventually succeed, but are equally confident that they will have a tough time getting there.”
dreams that they’ve enjoyed
dreaming about so much To re-cap: Successful people are confident that they will be able to achieve their goals AND they
don’t actually come true.” are confident that there will be plenty of challenges to overcome in the process.

~ Heidi Grant Halvorson This is a REALLY (!) Big Idea.

And, when I say REALLY (!), I mean *REALLY* (!!!!!) BIG.

I’ve read a fair number of goal setting and general self-dev books at this point and I can’t EVER
remember reading one that referenced these studies. Part of a much longer chat about the over-
emphasis on the power of intention and vision boards and all that jazz (see more below). For
now, let’s remember that “successful people not only have confidence that they will eventually
succeed, but are equally confident that they will have a tough time getting there.”

And, on that note, let’s check in on our prior specific and challenging goal and add some
obstacles we *know* we’re going to face.

“When you study This is My #1 Goal: ____________________________________________________

achievement, one of the __________________________________________________________________

first things you learn is
These are some of the challenges I’m going to face en route to rockin’ it: ________________
that innate ability (to the
extent that there is such __________________________________________________________________

a thing) has surprisingly __________________________________________________________________

little to do with success.
Nice.
Persistence, on the other
P.S. For those curious souls, the challenges I’m going to face include: The time is going to go
hand, has a lot to do with
*really* fast. If I fall behind, I won’t hit my goal of creating 100 Notes for PN-II by August 31st.
it.”
And, I definitely won’t hit my goal unless I force myself to read and write every day—ideally
~ Heidi Grant Halvorson
not allowing myself to get online before noon so I don’t get distracted and lose a day.

DAYDREAMING —> ROCKIN’ IT

“Then what is the best way to set goals so that you will reach them, without getting stuck
daydreaming? The optimal strategy to use when setting a goal seems to be to think positively
about how it will be when you achieve your goal, while thinking realistically about what it will
take to get there. Oettingen refers to this as mental contrasting—first you imagine attaining
your goal, and then you reflect on the obstacles that stand in the way. If you want to get a
high-paying job after college, start by imagining yourself accepting an offer at a top firm,
and then think about what stands between you and that offer—namely, all the other really
outstanding candidates that will be applying for jobs. Kind of makes you want to send out a lot of
applications, doesn’t it? That’s called feeling the necessity to act—it’s a psychological state that
is crucial for achieving a goal. Daydreaming about how great it will be to land that job or fall in
love with that special someone you’ve had your eye on can be a lot of fun, but it won’t get you
anywhere. Mental contrasting turns wishes and day-dreams into reality, by bringing into focus
what you will need to do to make it happen.”

PhilosophersNotes | Succeed 3
 That’s another super saucy Idea. Let’s unpack it a bit.
“If you believe that you are
having a hard time reaching First, mental contrasting. It’s the psychological phrase for imagining our ideal outcome and

your goal because you lack then contrasting that with all the things that will get in the way of us achieving it. We basically
did this in the prior Idea but let’s go ahead and do it again for your goal right now.
the necessary ability, and
that you can’t do much to Imagine how *awesome* it’s going to feel to crush your goal. You achieved it. YES!!! Nice work.
change that ... well, there’s * pat on the back *
no way to put this nicely:
Now, contrast that with what stands in the way of you achieving that goal. Yep, there’s that
you are wrong. Effort,
challenge. And that one. And that one. And don’t forget that one...
planning, persistence, and
good strategies are what it Sweet. Mental contrasting done.
really takes to succeed.” As you enjoy the pleasant feeling of imagined achievement and the sobering clarity of the
~ Heidi Grant Halvorson challenges involved, don’t you feel the necessity to act brewing?!? (Me, too. :)

How ‘bout a new rule: For every goal we set for ourselves, let’s commit to making it specific and
(appropriately) challenging, then let’s do our mental contrasting: imagining attaining the goal
AND imagining all the obstacles.

Then let’s take persistent action, confident in our ability to achieve our goals as we get a little
better every day facing the inevitable ups and downs!! :)

NOT ALL GOALS ARE CREATED EQUAL

“There are boatloads of “As I mentioned earlier, not all goals lead to lasting feelings of true satisfaction and well-being,
and that’s because not all goals satisfy our needs for relatedness, competence, and autonomy.
very successful, very
Which ones do? In general, goals that are about making, supporting, or strengthening
unhappy people all around
relationships do. So do goals that focus on personal growth, physical health, or self-acceptance—
us. That’s because they
addressing your shortcomings or, if they can’t be helped, simply coming to terms with them.
have successfully pursued
Goals that have to do with contributing to your community or helping others also fulfill these
goals that don’t actually needs.
fulfill their basic needs as
Here are the goals that aren’t going to help you achieve lasting well-being: becoming famous,
human beings—the needs for
seeking power over others, or polishing your public image. Any goal that is related to obtaining
relatedness, competence, and
other people’s validation and approval or external signs of self-worth isn’t going to do it for you,
autonomy.”
either. Accumulating wealth for its own sake also won’t lead you to real happiness (this is not to
~ Heidi Grant Halvorson say you shouldn’t care about money at all, just that being rich isn’t a sure ticket to a happy life).”

Love it.

This is another theme we’re exploring often in PN-II. Halvorson references Edward Deci, the
researcher who delineates the science of intrinsic vs. extrinsic goals in his classic book, Why We
Do What We Do. Check out the Notes for more goodness.

Back to you!

Where are you focusing YOUR energy? On developing relationships, personal growth and
making a contribution? Or, on going after fame, wealth or beauty?

Choose wisely!!! :)

And while you do that, keep this gem from Halvorson in mind: “All that glitters isn’t gold. Goals
that are all about obtaining external validation of self-worth—like being popular, famous, or
rich—not only won’t make you truly happy, but will actively diminish your sense of well-being,
by interfering with the pursuit of goals that will really benefit you. If you have goals like these in
your life, it’s time to rid yourself of them.”

4 PhilosophersNotes | Succeed
 GETTING BETTER VS. BEING GOOD
“If you choose get-better “My favorite piece of advice by far for dealing with difficulty is to make sure you think about your
goals, you have greater goal in terms of getting better, rather than being good. As you’ll recall from Chapter 3, when we
success *because* you are focused on personal growth and development, on making progress rather than on proving

enjoy the process of getting ourselves, we deal with difficulty far more gracefully. We tend to see setbacks as informative,
rather than as signs of personal failure. We don’t worry as much about the likelihood of success
better. So sometimes you
because we know that even if we never do it perfectly, we will certainly improve. (And getting
really can have your cake
better is, after all, the goal.)”
and eat it, too.”
Getting better vs. being good.
~ Heidi Grant Halvorson
Those are two different orientations we can have in life and in goal setting. (They roughly map
over Carol Dweck’s “growth vs. fixed” mindsets. Check out the Notes on Mindset for more
goodness on that!)

The basic idea: When we approach life with a “being good” mindset, we’re constantly trying to
prove ourselves. We’re paranoid that any blunder we make might be the evidence that shows the
world how messed up we are. So, we avoid taking action and freak out when we inevitably DO
mess up. Eek.

On the other hand, when we approach life with a “getting better” mindset, we KNOW we’re not
perfect, we’re not trying to prove ourselves, and we embrace challenges as they provide the path
to growth—which, rather than looking good, is our primary goal. Setbacks are simply data points
for us, not signals we’re unalterably flawed.

“The bottom line is, How do YOU tend to show up? Check in on that.

whenever possible, try to And know this: “If you focus on growth instead of validation, on making progress instead of
turn your goals from *being proving yourself, you are less likely to get depressed because you won’t see setbacks and failures
good* to *getting better.*” as reflecting your own self-worth. And you are less likely to stay depressed, because feeling bad

~ Heidi Grant Halvorson

makes you want to work harder and keep striving. You get up off the couch, dust off the potato
chip crumbs, and get busy getting better.”

Amen.

Here’s to focusing on getting better rather than being good!

WHAT ABOUT “VISUALIZING SUCCESS”?

“What about “visualizing success”? I won’t name names, but it seems like there are an awful
lot of self-help books out there telling people that if they just picture what they want in their
minds, it will somehow happen. That would be great if it were true, but scientifically speaking,
there really isn’t much evidence for it. On the other hand, visualization can be very helpful, if
“Metaphorically speaking, if you imagine the steps you will take in order to succeed, rather than the success itself. Mentally
your unconscious mind can simulating the process of achieving the goal, rather than the hoped-for outcome, not only results
hold information equivalent in a more optimistic outlook, but in greater planning and preparation. Picture yourself doing
to a NASA supercomputer, what it takes to succeed, and you will soon find yourself believing that you can. The best part is,

your conscious mind can you’ll be absolutely right.”

hold roughly the contents This is really powerful stuff. (And I love how politely Halvorson puts it. :)
of a Post-it note.”
Visualization.
~ Heidi Grant Halvorson
As Halvorson tells us, there are an awful lot of self-help books out there telling people to
visualize the OUTCOMES they want to create in their lives. (And then, of course, creating a
vision board fully documenting it all.)

That approach sells in a culture looking for quick fixes and easy solutions.

PhilosophersNotes | Succeed 5
 But it isn’t very effective. What would be a LOT more effective would be visualizing the ACTIONS
“Just like goals, not all
you’re going to take to achieve your goals.
plans are created equal. An
effective plan is one that As Halvorson advises: “Don’t visualize success. Instead, visualize the steps you will take in order
to succeed. Just picturing yourself crossing the finish line doesn’t actually help you get there—
spells out exactly what
but visualizing how you run the race (the strategies you will use, the choices you will make,
will be done, and where, and
the obstacles you will face) not only will give you greater confidence, but also leave you better
how.”
prepared for the task ahead. And that is definitely realistic optimism.”
~ Heidi Grant Halvorson
But that’s only part of the problem. As we discussed above, all goals aren’t good for us. And, the
fact is that most gurus telling us to create vision boards, get us focused on the WRONG goals.

So, in addition to moving from visualizing outcomes to visualizing action steps, it would be wise
to take a close look at your vision board and see how much of the stuff on it is a representation of
the EXTRINSIC goals (like wealth/fame/beauty) you think will make you happy.

If your vision board is packed with huge mansions (wealth), you on Oprah (fame), and hot
people walking on beaches (beauty), you may want to think about throwing it away.

Those are the WRONG goals.

To repeat: we scientifically know that disproportionately focusing on that stuff does *not*
lead to happiness; in fact, research shows that focusing on those extrinsic goals will make
you significantly less psychologically stable than peeps who focus on intrinsic goals like deep
relationships, personal growth and contributing to their communities.

So, here’s to visualizing the steps we can take to deepen our relationships, live with more virtue,
and make contributions to our communities! :)

Brian Johnson,
Chief Philosopher

If you liked this Note, About the Author of “Succeed”

you’ll probably like… HEIDI GRANT HALVORSON

Mindset
Heidi Grant Halvorson, PhD, is a motivational psychologist and researcher. She
Why We Do What We Do writes about the scientifically-tested strategies we can use to be more effective
Happier reaching our goals at work and in our personal lives. She is also the co-editor
of the academic handbook, “The Psychology of Goals,” a regular contributor to
The How of Happiness
the BBC World Service’s “Business Daily,” an expert blogger for Fast Company
and Psychology Today, and a guest blogger for Harvard Business Review. Her
website is www.heidigranthalvorson.com. (from HuffingtonPost.com)

About the Author of This Note

BRIAN JOHNSON

Brian Johnson is a lover of wisdom (aka a “Philosopher”) and a passionate

student of life who’s committed to inspiring and empowering millions of people
to live their greatest lives as he studies, embodies and shares the universal truths
of optimal living. He harts his job.

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