Mulla Nasrudin Stories

Nasrudin returned to his village from the imperial capital, and the villagers gathered around to hear what
had passed. "At this time," said Nasrudin, "I only want to say that the King spoke to me." All the villagers
but the stupidest ran off to spread the wonderful news. The remaining villager asked, "What did the King
say to you?" "What he said -- and quite distinctly, for everyone to hear -- was 'Get out of my way!'" The
simpleton was overjoyed; he had heard words actually spoken by the King, and seen the very man they
were spoken to.

~~.~~

Timur's armies were plundering the entire Central Asia and the rumors were that Timur was heading for
Mullah's village. Hearing this, Mullah in his Friday sermon called for a collective prayer. "Let us all pray
for the death of Timur the Lame before he comes". All villagers said Amen loudly.

A man stood up from among the worshipers and asked, "Have you ever seen Timur?".

Mullah replied, "No, and I have not seen you before either".

The man said, "You are right, because I am Timur".

Mullah was stunned by the news, and so were all the villagers. Mullah calmly resumed his sermon. "Let
us pray once more collectively, this time our Janazah (funeral prayer)".

"How can you pray your own Janazah you fool", asked Timur, "Janazah is prayed by the living on the
dead".

"Yes my lord but you see" replied Mullah "We are all about to be dead with no one to pray Janazah on us.
So we have to take care of our Janazah ourselves".

Timur laughed his heart out and pardoned Mullah and gave an elephant as his gift to the village.

~~.~~

The villagers soon discovered that the elephant ate a lot of their crop and was of no use. However they
could not kill or sell the gift of Timur out of fear of his wrath. They all blamed Mullah and demanded he
returned the gift.

Mullah agreed but on one condition that all villagers should accompany him. Mullah went to the tent of
Timur. Timur was in a bad mood and shouted on Mullah as he saw him. "What do you want?"

"It is about the elephant you gave". Mullah replied.

"What about the elephant? Is my gift no good to you?" Timur asked.

Mullah turned and found no villagers behind him. Angry and feeling cheated, Mullah thought of a way
out and a revenge with the villagers at the same time.

"Oh it is good alright, my lord" Mullah said, "It is just that he is all alone and feels sad. I was wondering
if you can provide him with the company of a female elephant".

While on a trip to another village, Nasrudin lost his favorite copy of the Qur'an.
Several weeks later, a goat walked up to Nasrudin, carrying the Qur'an in its mouth.

Nasrudin couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the goat's mouth, raised his eyes
heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"

"Not really," said the goat. "Your name is written inside the cover."

~~.~~

The dervish Nasrudin entered a formal reception area and seated himself

at the foremost elegant chair. The Chief of the Guard approached and said: "Sir, those places are reserved
for guests of honor."

"Oh, I am more than a mere guest," replied Nasrudin confidently.

"Oh, so are you a diplomat?"

"Far more than that!"

"Really? So you are a minister, perhaps?"

"No, bigger than that too."

"Oho! So you must be the King himself, sir," said the Chief sarcastically.

"Higher than that!"

"What?! Are you higher than the King?! Nobody is higher than the King in this village!"

"Now you have it. I am nobody!" said Nasrudin.

~~.~~

When Timur was visiting the town, he called upon the local celebrity, Mulla Nasrudin.

"They say you are a man of much knowledge, a man who is in league with the forces of darkness, that
you have strange powers and know the strangest incantations, in fact they say you are in direct
correspondence with Satan himself!" "That is what they say!" Nasrudin nodded, much amused. "Tell me
then, if you value your life," roared Timur, a little irritated by Nasrudin's demeanor, "what does this Devil
actually look like?"

"Why certainly Your Majesty," smiled Nasrudin presenting him with a mirror, "here, take a look for
yourself!"
Mullah Nasruddin frequented a local hamam which had a large dome with an acoustic very flattering to
the voice, and he would often spend long hours singing in the bath, delighting in the sound of his own
voice.

When one day, Mullah Nasruddin had no muezzin to call the faithful to prayer, he decided that he was a
sufficiently good singer to take on this sacred duty.

By that day’s second call to prayer, the faithful gathered under the minaret and began to shout Nasruddin
down for the terrible noise he made.

“Don’t blame me for the din," replied the Mullah, "they didn’t install a bathroom up here yet!”

~~.~~

A judge in a village court had gone on vacation. Nasrudin was asked to be temporary judge for a day.
Nasrudin sat on the Judge's chair with a serious face, gazing around the public and ordered the first case
be brought-up for hearing.

"You are right," said Nasrudin after hearing one side.

"You are right," he said after hearing the other side.

"But both cannot be right," said a member of public sitting in the audience.

"You are right, too" said Nasrudin.

~~.~~

Once a renowned philosopher and moralist was traveling through Nasruddin's village and asked
Nasruddin where there was a good place to eat. Nasruddin suggested a place and the scholar, hungry for
conversation, invited Mullah Nasruddin to join him. Much obliged, Mullah Nasruddin accompanied the
scholar to a nearby restaurant, where they asked the waiter about the special of the day.

"Fish! Fresh Fish!" replied the waiter.

"Bring us two," they requested.

A few minutes later, the waiter brought out a large platter with two cooked fish on it, one of which was
quite a bit smaller than the other. Without hesitating, Mullah Nasruddin took the larger of the fish and put
in on his plate. The scholar, giving Mullah Nasruddin a look of intense disbelief, proceed to tell him that
what he did was not only flagrantly selfish, but that it violated the principles of almost every known
moral, religious, and ethical system. Mullah Nasruddin listened to the philosopher's extempore lecture
patiently, and when he had finally exhausted his resources, Mullah Nasruddin said,

"Well, Sir, what would you have done?"

"I, being a conscientious human, would have taken the smaller fish for myself." said the scholar.

"And here you are," Mullah Nasrudin said, and placed the smaller fish on the gentleman's plate.
A neighbor comes to Nasreddin Hoja.

"Would you lend me your donkey today, Hoja?" the neighbor asks, "I have goods to transport to the next
town."

The Hoja answers: "I'm sorry, but I've already lent her to somebody else."

Suddenly the donkey is heard braying loudly behind a wall.

"You lied to me, Hoja!" the neighbor exclaims, "There is the donkey!"

"What do you mean?" the Hoja replies indignantly, "Whom would you rather believe, a donkey or your
Hoja?"

~~.~~

A scholar being ferried by Nasrudin across a body of water chided Nasrudin for his ungrammatical
language, and hearing he did not learn in school said: "What? half of your life has been wasted!"

Shortly afterwards, Nasrudin asked him: "Did you learn to swim?"

"No, I did not," replied the scholar.

"Well, in this case it seems all your life has been wasted ... we are sinking," said Nasrudin.

~~.~~

Nasrudin is asked by an official passing through:

"How do I get to town?"

"Go to the village," suggests Nasrudin.

"The village is in the wrong direction. I have just come from there; I want to go to town," says the
haughty official.

"You can't get to town from here," insisted Nasrudin.

"Town is straight ahead, is that right?" argues the official.

"That's right!" says Nasrudin.

"And you would go straight ahead to get to town, right?"

"Right again!"

"Then why are you advising me to go back to the village?" asks the triumphant official.

"Well Sir, you see, they have something you need, a signposted route to town - I know where I am
going!"
"Nasrudin, why is it people laugh at you?"

"Well," said Nasrudin, "Think of me as a turban. The nature of laughter exposes the false. If people
laughed at themselves they would feel naked. Therefore I provide them with a 'head covering'."

"But Nasrudin, they are still naked!"

"Shhhhh," said Nasrudin smiling…

~~.~~

Two children found a bag containing twelve marbles. They argued over how to divide the toys and finally
went to see the Mulla. When asked to settle their disagreement, the Mulla asked whether the children
wanted him to divide the marbles as a human would or as Allah would.

The children replied, "We want it to be fair. Divide the marbles as Allah would."

So, the Mulla counted out the marbles and gave three to one child and nine to the other.

~~.~~

Nasrudin is with his cronies drinking coffee:

They are discussing death, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you,
what would you like to hear them say about you?"

The first crony says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great
family man."

The second says, " I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a
huge difference in our children of tomorrow."

Nasrudin says, " I would like to hear them say... LOOK!! HE'S MOVING!!!"

~~.~~

"Let us toss a coin and see who is right?" "Certainly," said Nasrudin, "heads I win, tails you lose."

~~.~~

A traveler was passing through town when he came upon a huge funeral procession. Nasrudin was on a
corner watching the people pass by.

"Who died?" the traveler asked Nasrudin.

"I'm not sure," replied Nasrudin, "but I think it's the one in the coffin."
It seems that the Master of Mirth and Chief of the Dervishes, Nasrudin, was once called to pontificate on
the 'Nature of Allah' in the local mosque. Present were the many Imams and Doctors of the Islamic Law.
Out of courtesy and because Nasrudin could not be counted on saying anything worthwhile, these
illustrious guests explained and inspired the audience with their eloquence and wisdom.

Finally it was Nasrudin's turn to explain 'the Nature of Allah'.

"Allah ...", started Nasrudin impressively "is ..."

Nasrudin removed and held up an ovoid mauve vegetable from the folds of his turban, " ... an aubergine."

There was uproar at this blasphemy. When order was finally established, Nasrudin was reluctantly asked
to explain his words.

"I conclude that everyone has spoken of what they do not know or have not seen. We can all see this
aubergine. Is there anyone who can deny that Allah is manifest in all things?"

Nobody could.

"Very well," said Nasrudin, "Allah is an aubergine."

~~.~~

"Nasrudin, is your religion orthodox?" "It all depends," said Nasrudin, "on which bunch of heretics is in
power."

~~.~~

Nasrudin heard that the king sent out a committee incognito, seeking suitable candidates for qazis
(judges). Nasrudin took to walking around carrying an old fishing net on his shoulder. When the members
of the committee reached his village, it drew their attention and they questioned him about it.

"Oh, I carry this net with me to remind me of my humble past as a poor fisherman," explained Nasrudin.
The committee was impressed, and in due time Nasrudin was nominated as a qazi.

Shortly afterwards those king's representatives met Nasrudin again and noticed the net was gone.

"Where is the net, Nasrudin?" they asked.

"Well, you don't need the net after the fish is caught, do you?" replied Nasrudin.

~~.~~

"Thief, thief! Someone has stolen my camel!" cried Nasrudin.

Finally after the commotion was quietened someone observed, "But Nasrudin, you have no camel."

"Shhh..." said Nasrudin, "I am hoping the thief is unaware of this and the camel will be returned."
Mulla Nasrudin and his son were riding the donkey to the town market. A group of people passed. Mulla
heard them whisper: "What times are these? Look at those two, have they no mercy on the poor animal?"

Nasrudin, hearing this, tells his son to get off and continue the journey on foot. Another group of people
passing by and seeing this comment: "What times are these? Look at this man. His poor son with his frail
body has to walk while he at his best age is riding the donkey!"

Hearing this, Nasrudin tells his son to ride the donkey and he himself gets off to walk the rest of the way.
A third group of people seeing this remark: "What times are these? This young man is riding the donkey
while his sickly old father has to walk!"

Hearing this, Nasrudin tells his son to get off the animal and they both walk with the donkey trailing
behind. Another group passing by point to them, laughing: "Look at these idiots. They have a donkey and
they are walking all the way to the market!"

~~.~~

Mulla preached on Fridays at the village mosque. One day, having nothing to preach about, he asked the
congregation:

"Do you know the subject I am going to discuss today?" "No" said the people. "Then I refuse to preach to
such an ignorant assembly. How could you not know given the events of the past week?" asked Mulla and
left hurriedly. Next Friday he went up the minbar and asked: "Do you know the subject of my sermon
today?" People fearing a repetition of what had taken place a week before nodded and said: "Yes yes,
indeed we know." "Well, then. There is no point in telling you what you already know", said Mulla and
left. On the third Friday he ascended the minbar and asked: "Do you know what I am going to speak
about today?" Not knowing what to say, some said yes and some said no.

"Then those who know can tell those who don't", said Mulla and left.

~~.~~

Mulla was once boasting about his ageless strength.

"I am as strong as I was when I was a young man." "How can that be?" asked people.

"There is a big rock outside my house. I couldn't move it then and I can't move it now!" said Mulla.

~~.~~

Nasrudin sat on a river bank when someone shouted to him from the opposite side:

"Hey! how do I get to the other side?"

"You are on the other side!" Nasreddin shouted back.

Nasrudin is sitting in a café. One of his neighbors says,

"Hey, which is more valuable to people - the Moon or the Sun?" "The Moon, of course!" Nasrudin said
without thinking. "But why?"

"When do you think we need light more - in the daytime or at night?"

~~.~~

Nasreddin Hodja was lying in the shade of an ancient walnut tree. His body was at rest, but, befitting his
calling as an imam, his mind did not relax. Looking up into the mighty tree he considered the greatness
and wisdom of Allah.

"Allah is great and Allah is good," said the Hodja, "but was it indeed wise that such a great tree as this be
created to bear only tiny walnuts as fruit? Behold the stout stem and strong limbs. They could easily carry
the great pumpkins that grow from spindly vines in yonder field, vines that cannot begin to bear the
weight of their own fruit. Should not walnuts grow on weakly vines and pumpkins on sturdy trees?"

So thinking, the Hodja dozed off, only to be awakened by a walnut that fell from the tree, striking him on
his forehead.

"Allah be praised!" he exclaimed, seeing what had happened. "If that had been a pumpkin that fell on my
head, it would have killed me for sure! God is merciful! He has rearranged nature only to spare my life."

~~.~~

Nasrudin (during his age, there was no car) has been looking for a parking place for twenty minutes
already. He turns around, he waits, he drives a bit further, but finds nothing.

He has an important business meeting and he's going to be late, but nothing, no parking space. Filled with
despair he raises his eyes up to the sky and says:

"My God, if you get me a parking space in five minutes, I promise to you that I'll eat kosher (halal) food
for the rest of my life..."

And suddenly - O miracle! – right next to him a car drives away leaving an ideal parking spot.

So Nasrudin turns his eyes to the sky and says: "God, stop searching, I found one!"

~~.~~

One day Nasruddin and his friends decided to play a joke on the people in a village. So Nasruddin drew a
crowd, and lied to them about a gold mine in a certain place. When everybody ran to get their hands on
the gold, Nasruddin started running with them. When asked by his friends why he was following them, he
said "So many people believed it, that I think it may be true!"

The king’s three scholars had accused Nazrudin of heresy, and so he was brought into the king’s court for
trial.
In his defense, Nazrudin asked the scholars, “Oh wise men, what is bread?”

The first scholar said, “Bread is sustenance; a food.”

The second scholar said, “Bread is a combination of flour and water exposed to the heat of a fire.”

The third scholar said, “Bread is a gift from God.”

Nazrudin spoke to the king, “Your Majesty, how can you trust these men? Is it not strange they cannot
agree on the nature of something they eat every day, yet are unanimous that I am a heretic?”

~~.~~

One day, while Nasreddin was visiting the capital city, the Sultan took offense to a joke that was made at
his expense. He had Nasreddin immediately arrested and imprisoned; accusing him of heresy and
sedition. Nasreddin apologized to the Sultan for his joke, and begged for his life; but the Sultan remained
obstinate, and in his anger, sentenced Nasreddin to be beheaded the following day. When Nasreddin was
brought out the next morning, he addressed the Sultan, saying "Oh Sultan, live forever! You know me to
be a skilled teacher, the greatest in your kingdom. If you will but delay my sentence for one year, I will
teach your favorite horse to sing."

The Sultan did not believe that such a thing was possible; but his anger had cooled, and he was amused by
the audacity of Nasreddin's claim. "Very well," replied the Sultan, "you will have a year. But if by the end
of that year you have not taught my favorite horse to sing, then you will wish you had been beheaded
today."

That evening, Nasreddin's friends were allowed to visit him in prison, and found him in unexpected good
spirits. "How can you be so happy?" they asked. "Do you really believe that you can teach the Sultan's
horse to sing?" "Of course not," replied Nasreddin, "but I now have a year which I did not have yesterday;
and much can happen in that time. The Sultan may come to repent of his anger, and release me. He may
die in battle or of illness, and it is traditional for a successor to pardon all prisoners upon taking office. He
may be overthrown by another faction, and again, it is traditional for prisoners to be released at such a
time. Or the horse may die, in which case the Sultan will be obliged to release me."

"Finally," said Nasreddin, "even if none of those things come to pass, perhaps the horse can sing."

~~.~~

One day a fool asked Nasrudin "is God true?"

"Everything is true" replied Nasrudin.
"Even false things?"
"Even false things are true," said Nasrudin.
"But how can that be?"
"I don't know. I didn't do it," shrugged Nasrudin.

At some point in time, the Emir got it into his head that he was a poet. After working for many days and
nights, he completes the poem, and asks Juha, a noted scholar of poetry, if he would come to the recital.
Juha of course could not refuse.
After the Emir had completed reciting the poem, he asked Juha for his opinion. "Are you sure, My Lord?"
asked Juha, cautiously. Oblivious, the Emir said, "Of course, that's why I brought you here!" "All right
then," Juha replied, "If it pleases Your Lordship, it's terrible."
Obviously angered, the Emir called out "Guards! Put this man in prison." Turning to Juha, he said,
"Thirty days," and walked out in a huff.
Shortly after Juha had completed his sentence, the Emir called upon him to attend a recital of another
poem. When the Emir finished reciting, Juha immediately rose to his feet and started for the door.
"Where are you going, Juha?" the Emir asked, surprised.
"To the prison, My Lord."
~~.~~

The Sultan of a great city was annoyed by the cheats and liars who entered his gates and caused trouble.
He therefore set soldiers at all entrances. The soldiers were under orders to hang those who lied about
their purpose for wishing to enter.
The Mullah Nasreddin saddled his donkey and rode to the city.
At the gate a guard stopped him and asked his purpose in wishing to enter and warned him that a lie
would result in his being hanged.
"This is good for I have come to be hanged." Said Nasreddin.
"You are a liar and will certainly hang!" Said the guard
"Then you know I have spoken the truth and should not be hanged." said Nasreddin.

~~.~~

One day Nasruddin repaired tiles on the roof of his house. While Nasruddin was working on the roof, a
stranger knocked the door.

- What do you want? Nasruddin shouted out.

- Come down, replied stranger So I can tell it.

Nasruddin unwilling and slowly climbed down the ladder.

- Well! replied Nasruddin, what was the important thing?

- Could you give little money to this poor old man? begged stranger.

Tired Nasruddin started to climb up the ladder and said,

- Follow me up to the roof.

When both Nasruddin and beggar were upside, on the roof, Nasruddin said,

- The answer is no!

Nasruddin opened a booth with a sign above it:

Two Questions On Any Subject Answered For Only 100 Silver Coins
A man who had two very urgent questions handed over his money, saying:

- A hundred silver coins is rather expensive for two questions, isn't it?

- Yes, said Nasruddin, and the next question, please?

~~.~~

Nasruddin used to stand in the street on market-days, to be pointed out as an idiot. No matter how often
people offered him a large and a small coin, he always chose the smaller piece.

One day a kindly man said to him:

- Nasruddin, you should take the bigger coin. Then you will have more money and people will no longer
be able to make a laughing stock of you.

- That may be true, said Nasruddin, but if I always take the larger, people will stop offering me money to
prove that I am more idiotic than they are. Then I would have no money at all.

~~.~~

One day Nasruddin went to a banquet. As he was dressed rather shabbily, no one let him in. So he ran
home, put on his best robe and fur coat and returned. Immediately, the host came over, greeted him and
ushered him to the head of an elaborate banquet table. When the food was served, Nasruddin took some
soup with spoon and pushed it to the his fur coat and said,

- Eat my fur coat, eat! It's obvious that you're the real guest of honor today, not me!

~~.~~

Mullah Nasruddin was dreaming that someone had counted nine gold pieces into his hand, but Mullah
Nasruddin insisted that he would not accept less than ten pieces. While he was arguing with the man over
one gold piece, he was awakened by a sudden noise in the street. Seeing that his hand was empty,  Mullah
Nasruddin quickly closed his eyes, extended his hand as if he was ready to receive, and said,

- Very well, my friend, have it your way. Give me nine.

~~.~~

One day Mullah Nasruddin was asked:

- Could you tell us the exact location of the center of the world?
- Yes, I can, replied Mullah Nasruddin. It is just under the left hind of my donkey.
- Well, maybe! But do you have any proof?
- If you doubt my word, just measure and see.
Nasruddin went on a pilgrimage to Mecca, and on the way he passed through Medina. As he was walking
by the main mosque there, a rather confused-looking tourist approached him.

- Excuse me sir, he said, but you look like a native of these parts; can you tell me something about this
mosque? It looks very old and important, but I've lost my guidebook.
Mullah Nasruddin, being too proud to admit that he, too, had no idea what it was, immediately began an
enthusiastic explanation

- This is indeed a very old and special mosque. he declared, It was built by Alexander the Great to
commemorate his conquest of Arabia.

The tourist was suitably impressed, but presently a look of doubt crossed his face.

- But how can that be? he asked, I'm sure that Alexander was a Greek or something, not a Muslim. . .
Wasn't he?

- I can see that you know something of these matters. replied Mullah Nasruddin with chagrin, In fact,
Alexander was so impressed at his good fortune in war that he converted to Islam in order to show his
gratitude to God.

- Oh, wow. said the tourist, then paused. Hey, but surely there was no such thing as Islam in Alexander's
time?

- An excellent point! It is truly gratifying to meet an English man who understands our history so well,
answered Mullah Nasruddin. As a matter of fact, he was so overwhelmed by the generosity God had
shown him that as soon as the fighting was over he began a new religion, and became the founder of
Islam.

The tourist looked at the mosque with new respect, but before Mullah Nasruddin could quietly slip into
the passing crowd, another problem occurred to him.

- But wasn't the founder of Islam named Mohammed? I mean, that's what it said in the newspaper; at least
I'm sure it wasn't Alexander.

- I can see that you are a scholar of some learning, said Mullah Nasruddin, I was just getting to that.
Alexander felt that he could properly dedicate himself to his new life as a prophet only by adopting a new
identity. So, he gave up his old name and for the rest of his life called himself Mohammed.

- Really? wondered the tourist, That's amazing! But...but I thought that Alexander the Great lived a long
time before Mohammed? Is that right?

- Certainly not! answered Mullah Nasruddin, You're thinking of a different Alexander the Great. I'm
talking about the one named Mohammed.

On a frigid and snowy winter day Mullah Nasruddin was having a chat with some of his friends in the
local coffee house. Mullah Nasruddin said that cold weather did not bother him, and in fact, he could stay,
if necessary, all night without any heat.
- We'll take you up on that, Mullah Nasruddin . they said. If you stand all night in the village square
without warming yourself by any external means, each of us will treat you to a sumptuous meal. But if
you fail to do so, you will treat us all to dinner.

- All right it's a bet, Mullah Nasruddin said.

That very night, Mullah Nasruddin stood in the village square till morning despite the bitter cold. In the
morning, he ran triumphantly to his friends and told them that they should be ready to fulfill their
promise. But as a matter of fact you lost the bet, Mullah Nasruddin , said one of them. At about midnight,
just before I went to sleep, I saw a candle burning a window about three hundred yards away from where
you were standing. That certainly means that you warmed yourself by it.

- That's ridiculous, Mullah Nasruddin argued. How can a candle behind a window warm a person three
hundred yards away?

All his protestations were to no avail, and it was decided that Mullah Nasruddin had lost the bet. Mullah
Nasruddin accepted the verdict and invited all of them to a dinner that night at his home. They all arrived
on time, laughing and joking, anticipating the delicious meal Mullah Nasruddin was going to serve them.
But dinner was not ready. Mullah Nasruddin told them that it would be ready in a short time, and left the
room to prepare the meal. A long time passed, and still no dinner was served.

Finally, getting impatient and very hungry, they went into the kitchen to see if there was any food
cooking at all. What they saw, they could not believe. Mullah Nasruddin was standing by a huge
cauldron, suspended from the ceiling. There was a lighted candle under the cauldron.

- Be patient my friends, Mullah Nasruddin told them. Dinner will be ready soon. You see it is cooking.

- Are you out of your mind, Mullah Nasruddin? they shouted. How could you with such a tiny flame boil
such a large pot?

- Your ignorance of such matters amuses me, Mullah Nasruddin said. If the flame of a candle behind a
window three hundred yards away can warm a person, surely the same flame will boil this pot which is
only three inches away.

~~.~~

Mulla Nasrudin had become old and was afraid that he can die any moment. Nasruddin started making
arrangement for his funeral, So he ordered a beautiful coffin made of ebony wood with satin pillows
inside. He also had a beautiful silk caftan made for his dead body to be dressed in.

The day the tailor delivered the caftan, Mulla Nasruddin tried it on to see how it would look, but suddenly
he exclaimed, "What is this! Where are the pockets?"

Qazi (Judge) Nasruddin was working in his room one day when a neighbor ran in and said, "If one man's
cow kills another's, is the owner of the first cow responsible?"

"It depends," answered Nasruddin.

"Well," said the man, "your cow has killed mine."

"Oh," answered Nasruddin. "Everyone knows that a cow cannot think like a human, so a cow is not
responsible, and that means that its owner is not responsible either."

"I'm sorry, Judge," said the man. "I made a mistake. I meant that my cow killed yours."

Judge Nasruddin thought for a few seconds and then said, "When I think about it more carefully, this case
is not as easy as I thought at first." And then he turned to his clerk and said, "Please bring me that big
black book from the shelf behind you..."

~~.~~

Mullah Nasruddin and his wife came home one day to find the house burgled. Everything portable had
been taken away.

- It's all your fault, said his wife, for you should have made sure that the house was locked before we left.

The Neighbor took up the chant:

- You did not lock the windows, said one.

- Why did you not expect this? said another.

- The locks were faulty and you did not replace them, said a third.

- Just a moment, said Nasruddin, surely I am not the only one to blame?

- And who should we blame? they shouted.

- What about the thieves? said Nasruddin. Are they totally innocent?

~~.~~

Nasrudin lost a beautiful and costly turban.

    ‘Are you not despondent, Mulla?’ someone asked him.
    ‘No, I am confident. You see, I have offered a reward of half a silver piece.’
    ‘But the finder will surely never part with the turban, worth a hundred times as much, for such a
reward.’
    ‘I have already thought of that. I have announced that it was a dirty old turban, quite different from the
real one.’

A lady brought her small son to the Mulla’s school.

    ‘He is very badly behaved,’ she explained, ‘and I want you to frighten him.’ 
    The Mulla assumed a threatening posture, eyes flaming and face working. He jumped up and down,
and suddenly ran out of the building. The woman fainted. When she had come to, she waited for the
Mulla, who returned slowly and gravely.
    ‘I asked you to frighten the boy, not me!’
    ‘Dear Madam,’ said the Mulla, ‘did you not see how afraid I was of myself as well? When danger
threatens, it threatens all alike.’

~~.~~

One day Nasruddin, while passing by a place, had a few apricots in his sleeve. He saw some people who
were sitting under a tree. Calling them he asked a question, “if any one of you found out what I have in
my sleeve, I will give the biggest apricot to him.” One of them said,” If any one answers this question,
he's letting himself in for prophecy."

~~.~~

One winter night while Nasruddin was sleeping he heard a noise that was suddenly made in the street.
Having covered himself with his blanket, he came out to know the cause of the noise. Suddenly a smart
thief robbed him of his blanket and ran away. He came back home without the blanket. In reply to his
wife who was asking about the reason for the noise, Nasruddin said, “All the quarrel was about my
blanket.”

~~.~~

Nasruddin had a little money. He wanted to hide it some where. At first he dug a hole, kept the money
there and covered it with soil. After a while he thought the money was not safe there because it would be
discovered soon. He dug another hole and kept the money there. He repeated this action many times. But
he was not sure of its security. He removed it out of the last hiding-place. He put the money into a bag
and rode on a donkey taking the bag to a hill top near his house. He fixed a stick vertically in the ground
and from it suspended the bag. Iooking at it from a distance Nasruddin commented, “Human being is not
a bird to come here and steal the bag,” He came back home. Incidentally a man who was watching
Nasruddin from a distance took the money from the bag and poured dung of camel into it. After a few
days when Nasruddin was in need of cash, he went to find the bag. When he brought the bag down from
the stick, he found dung of a camel in it. He got surprised and said, “It is very interesting. How could a
camel reach to a place where a person can’t?”

~~.~~

Once Nasruddin took his students to his house and insisted they should have lunch with him. Moment
later, he called his wife and ordered her to cook Palaw for the guests as soon as possible. His wife said,
“You order so simply as if you have rice and ghee in the house.” Nasruddin became very angry and said:
“Can’t you at least bring empty plates? His wife accepted and a few minutes later brought the plates to
Nasruddin. He took the empty plates and placed them in front of the guests. “Friends!” he said, “If I had
bought rice and ghee, I would have brought you an oily Palaw in these plates.”

Nasruddin was looking at the image of the moon in a well. He thought it was a recompense to take out the
moon from the well. Therefore, he threw a rope inside the well and swung it a few times. Incidentally, the
tip of the rope got caught to a big stone. He tried to take the rope out. Hence he pulled it with a lot of
force. The rope tore off and he fell on his back to the ground. When he looked at the sky, he saw the
moon and said, “Doesn’t matter. My efforts were not wasted. Though I faced a lot of difficulties, I finally
succeeded to rescue the moon.”

~~.~~

Once Nasruddin went to a hair dresser to get his head shaved. Incidentally, the barber was inexperienced.
The moment he cut a part of his scalp, he would put a piece of cotton on the wound. Finally Nasruddin
became angry and told the barber, “You planted cotton on half of my head. I would like to grow flax in
the remaimng half.”

~~.~~

Once Nasruddin went to a garden and climbed on apricot tree. The gardener observed this and asked him,
“Why did you climb someone else’s tree?” Nasruddin answered, “Don’t you know I am nightingale and
for nightingales climbing a tree is not a sin.” The gardener laughed and said, “Please sing so I listen and
enjoy.” Nasruddin started to sing in his horse voice. The gardener asked him whether nightingale sang so
badly. Nasruddin replied, “A nightingale which eats raw apricot will not sing better than this.”

~~.~~

Once a king consulted Nasruddin. “Daring the Abasis and after, khalifs used to add the term “Allah" after
their names. What title do you think I should choose for myself? Nasruddin answered “Nawoozobillah”
(God forbid).

~~.~~

Once a person slapped Nasruddin in the street. Later he came hack and started to apologize and said that
he had mistaken Nasruddin for some one else. But Nasruddin was not satisfied and took tight hold of his
collar, took him to the judge and told the judge about the incident. The judge ordered, “Nasruddin must
slap that person to avenge. But Nasruddin didn’t get satisfied. Thus the judge ordered the person to give
Nasruddin a gold coin in lieu of the slap. The accused had to go out of the court to bring the gold coin.
Nasruddin waited for sometime. The accused didn’t come hack. Nasruddin stood up and slapped the
judge on his face and said, “Since I have a lot of work, whenever that person Comes and brings the coin,
You take the money for this slap.”

~~.~~