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Your Daily
Inner Bonding
Practice
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Table of Contents

Practicing Inner Bonding When You Are Happy - 3

Inner Bonding as an All-Day Form of Meditation - 5
Between Wounds and Healing: Hanging Out In The Inner
Bonding Process - 7
Community and The Challenge of Remembering - 9
Does Psychotherapy Work? - 11
Actions of Love - 13
Kindness to Self and Others - 16
Happiness - 18
What is Loving to The Golden Child? - 20
Causeless Joy - 22

© 2009 All Rights Reserved

Margaret Paul, Ph.D., Inner Bonding® Educational Technologies, Inc.
http://www.innerbonding.com
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Practicing Inner Bonding When You Are Happy
Dr. Margaret Paul

When you tune in and discover that you are feeling

peaceful and happy, this is a great time to go through the
Steps of Inner Bonding - but this time with your core Self
instead of your wounded self.

While the Inner Bonding process is a powerful process for healing the
fear and false beliefs that cause our pain, it is also a process for
developing and enhancing our passion, productivity and creativity.

A loving parent does not just attend to a child when he or she is crying
or angry. Loving moms and dads enjoy holding and playing with their
little ones when they are peaceful, laughing and learning.

Likewise, a loving inner parent opens to learning, not just with a

distressed Inner Child, but with the peaceful and joyful core Self as
well.

We encourage people to practice being in Step One all day - staying

mindful of your feelings. When you are feeling any painful or
distressing emotions, you then move through the Steps of Inner
Bonding to discover what you are doing or telling yourself that is
causing the pain and what the truth and loving behavior is. You then
take the loving action and evaluate how you are feeling as a result of
the loving action.

When you tune in and discover that you are feeling peaceful and
happy, this is also a great time to go through the Steps of Inner
Bonding - but this time with your core Self instead of your wounded
self. Instead of looking for how you are causing your pain, you want to
explore what brings you joy. What does your core Self - your essence -
love doing? What are you passionate about? What is really fun for you?
What brings you joy? How would you like to give to others and to the
planet?

This is also a wonderful time to dialogue with your spiritual Guidance.

It is easy to access your Guidance when you are in the high frequency
of joy, so this is an ideal time to ask your Guidance, "What would you
like to tell me?" or "What would you like me to attend to?" You might
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Margaret Paul, Ph.D., Inner Bonding® Educational Technologies, Inc.
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be surprised at the information that flows through to you when you are
willing to ask such open-ended questions of your Guidance. Then is
when new ideas may pop into your mind. This is when creativity can
flow. This is when powerful solutions to long-standing situations may
occur to you. And this is when you can fully feel your oneness with the
love that is God.

Every morning I do my Inner Bonding process while walking in nature.

Since I mostly stayed in Step One the previous day and dealt with any
distress that came up, I generally find that my Inner Child is feeling
fine. Sometimes, especially on my days off, she wants to tell me about
something she really wants to do today. Other times she is just happy
that we are walking and that I am attending to her. That's when I go
to my Guidance with a deep intent to learn about anything my
Guidance wants to tell me. I have both male and female Teachers, but
my female Teacher is the one who always likes to be chatty with me.
She is the one who writes through me (she's writing through me right
now!). She is my creative source, and it is a great joy to open to her
and allow her to flow through me.

The more you practice opening to your Guidance when you are in a
happy and peaceful state, the more it will become natural for you to
be guided throughout the day by your Guidance instead of by your
wounded self. You will discover that eventually you will hear your
Guidance telling you what to be cautious of, what to avoid, and what
to attend to. You will discover that if you listen and follow your
Guidance, life become much easier, your Child feels much safer, you
feel much more joy, and your creativity flows.

© 2009 All Rights Reserved

Margaret Paul, Ph.D., Inner Bonding® Educational Technologies, Inc.
http://www.innerbonding.com
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Inner Bonding as an All-Day Form of Meditation
Dr. Margaret Paul

Inner Bonding is a form of meditation that focuses on the

energy field of love. Discover how you can stay connected
to Spirit all the time.

There are two forms of meditation, and each person needs to discover
which form works best for them.

The first is the traditional Eastern form of meditation, where you focus
on something such as a candle flame, your breath, and/or a mantra.
In this form of meditation, the purpose is to detach from the thoughts
that come from your mind, letting them float by while you open to
Spirit.

The second form of meditation is where you open to the energy field of
love and truth that is always here and available to us. In this form of
meditation, you do not need to stay still and focus. It is more a way of
being than something you are doing.

Inner Bonding falls into this second form of meditation. By practicing

staying tuned in to your feelings and your spiritual Guidance, you can
learn to stay connected with Spirit, with God, and with the energy
fields of love and truth, all the time. Inner Bonding can become an all-
day form of meditation.

Staying tuned in to the energy field of love and truth requires an act of
surrender. Instead of relying on the mind to govern our actions, we
come to accept that the mind doesn't know anything regarding what is
in our highest good. Since the mind is incapable of discerning what is
true and what is not true, it is not in our highest good to rely on our
individual mind for guidance.

Surrendering to Guidance is a choice that becomes our normal way of

being only with much practice. The more you open your energy to the
energy of Spirit, the more natural it becomes. This means consciously
opening the heart to love and truth. It means consciously opening to
learning with your spiritual Guidance. It means being a loving Adult
and not allowing the thoughts and feelings of your wounded self to
take over - embracing these thoughts and feelings rather than

© 2009 All Rights Reserved

Margaret Paul, Ph.D., Inner Bonding® Educational Technologies, Inc.
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becoming them. It means consistently saying to the thoughts of your
wounded self, "We are not going there," and opening to the truth of
Spirit. In order for Inner Bonding to become an all-day form of
meditation, you need to be conscious of your intent throughout the
day. The more you choose to open to learning, and surrender to Spirit,
the more you find yourself doing it naturally.

Some people find it helpful to utilize both forms of meditation. Doing a

formal sitting meditation can help you relax, open, and connect to
God, setting the stage for Inner Bonding as an all-day meditation.
Other people find that they cannot sit for long, and that sitting
meditation becomes a chore rather than a joy. They find that doing a
formal Inner Bonding practice, through writing or talking out loud,
creates the opening they are seeking. Some people find that they
connect with Spirit more deeply when they are moving, such as
walking or dancing, and others find that they become most connected
when they are in nature.

As you practice opening to learning with and surrendering to Spirit,

you can also practice bringing the energy of love and peace into your
body. Imagine the energy of unconditional love coming into all the
cells of your body. Imagine that your body is like a sponge, absorbing
the energy of love that is always here for us. Imagine that as you are
absorbing the energy of love, you are also releasing fear, anxiety,
depression and attachment to outcomes, and offering them to God.
Instead of holding onto thoughts that create anxiety, ask God to take
them and replace them with truth. Instead of the negativity going into
your body and causing stress and illness, allow it to be released, giving
it to God, while receiving the love and truth of God. Imagine that, as
the love comes into your body, it physically transforms your cells,
bringing health and vitality.

The more you practice releasing negativity throughout the day, and
opening to the love and truth that is here, the more you will discover
the joy of being present with God. Joy can become your normal way of
feeling when you practice making Inner Bonding an all-day meditation.

© 2009 All Rights Reserved

Margaret Paul, Ph.D., Inner Bonding® Educational Technologies, Inc.
http://www.innerbonding.com
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Between Wounds and Healing: Hanging Out In
The Inner Bonding Process
Dr. Margaret Paul

Healing is not about "getting there." It's about being in

the never-ending process of evolving in love. If you think
you have to get there, you will become impatient with the
process and get stuck.

When Spirit first presented Inner Bonding to Erika and I, I was pretty
much blown away by the extraordinary power and simplicity of the
process. At that time I believed, "All I have to do is devote myself to
this practice and I will "get there." Getting there meant being healed
once and for all!

I've since discovered how wrong I was. Healing is a never-ending

evolutionary process - like becoming a great artist or musician. Artists
do not think in terms of finding their style and then staying there for
the rest of their lives. They grow into their style and then they spend
the rest of their lives evolving their art. They may think in terms of
getting there regarding fame and fortune, but not in terms of the
evolution of their art.

Healing is like this. So is learning the Inner Bonding process. I've been
practicing this process now for 24 years and I'm still learning about it,
still moving more and more into the power of spiritual connection, still
letting go of subtle levels of control, still discovering limiting beliefs,
still learning about the subtleties of intention, still evolving my soul. I
don't see an end to the process - ever. I believe this is what life is
about - evolving in love. And love is not a limited thing with limited
definitions. It is an infinitely evolving energy that evolves as we each
evolve.

If you think you have to "get there" regarding emotional and spiritual
health and healing, then you will likely be impatient with the process.
You will think you are not doing it right or not progressing fast enough.
You will think there is something wrong with you regarding your ability
to connect with Spirit. Many people have an unrealistic concept of
what it is like to connect with Spirit. They think if they are not hearing
a clear voice they are not connecting. It takes time, practice and
patience to experience the love and wisdom of your spiritual Guidance.
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One of the best things you can do for yourself is to let go of your
concepts and beliefs regarding how fast you should be healing and
how spiritually connected you should be, and just be present in the
process. It's like being in the process of learning to be a good parent
with an actual child, rather than expecting yourself to be a perfect
parent as soon as your first child is born. Letting go of performance, of
perfectionism, will allow you to just be in the process of learning to be
a good parent with yourself. And, just as we don't expect our children
to grow up in a year, don't expect your wounded self to heal in a year.
Your job is to learn to relax into the Inner Bonding process, to slowly
make it a conscious and natural part of your life, just as you slowly
make parenting a child a conscious and natural part of your life.

The most important thing to keep in mind, as you hang out in the
evolving process of Inner Bonding, is the consciousness of your intent.
I can't stress enough that consciousness of intent is the key to
continued growth and healing. If you think you are open when you are
really trying to control something, you will not get anywhere and will
get discouraged. The wounded self is very tricky regarding intent. I
often have the experience with my clients of them telling me that they
can't connect with Spirit, can't find the loving action, and therefore
can't take loving care of themselves. "I don't know how!" they
complain. Other than times of illness when the frequency may be too
low to connect with Spirit, it's ALWAYS because the intent is to control
rather than learn about loving yourself. The wounded self wants
control over getting love, avoiding rejection, avoiding engulfment,
avoiding failure, avoiding hurt. The wounded self may even want to
know what is loving in order to control the outcome of things!

The process of healing is becoming aware of these levels of control so

we have the choice to move into love for the sake of love, rather than
for the sake of control. Practicing Inner Bonding daily will slowly move
you into this consciousness. If you stop practicing because you can't
connect with Spirit, you will never get there. If you keep exploring
your intent, both alone and with help from a partner, friend or
therapist, you will keep evolving.

Don't give up. Stay with the process and you will find yourself in more
and more peace and joy. There may be big bumps along the way, but

© 2009 All Rights Reserved

Margaret Paul, Ph.D., Inner Bonding® Educational Technologies, Inc.
http://www.innerbonding.com
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that's life. Don't let the bumps derail you from the sacred privilege of
evolving in love.

Community and The Challenge of Remembering

Dr. Margaret Paul

Do you have trouble remembering to do Inner Bonding,

especially when you are upset? This is a big challenge for
everyone! In this article, discover how to support yourself
in remembering to practice the Six Steps and take loving
care of yourself.

Barbara had been doing Inner Bonding for a number of years, but still
forgot to do it when she was stressed or hurting. In our phone
sessions, I would help her move through her painful feelings with the
Inner Bonding process and she would invariably feel much better. Yet
over and over she would forget to do Inner Bonding on her own.

“It’s hard to do Inner Bonding,” Barbara stated to me.

“Are you sure that is a true statement?” I answered.

“I don’t know. It seems hard, yet when I do it with you it seems easy.”

“Barbara, I don’t think that doing Inner Bonding is hard. What is hard
is REMEMBERING to do it.”

“Yes!” she said. “That is what is so hard! Why is that so hard?”

“From the time we were born, we began practicing giving the

mind/ego/wounded self dominion over our choices. This was necessary
for the survival of the body. In the process of growing up, the mind
became programmed with many false, limiting beliefs, and became
very attached to these beliefs as a form of control. Since the mind
believes it can and must control ourselves, others and the outcome of
things, it wants to stay in charge. At some point, some of us realize
that this system is not working and we choose to move onto a
personal growth path. This means that we strive to shift dominion
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Margaret Paul, Ph.D., Inner Bonding® Educational Technologies, Inc.
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from the mind to the soul. Making this shift is what the Inner Bonding
process is all about. Yet the mind does not easily give up dominion,
which is what leads to forgetting. The mind/wounded self WANTS to
forget so that it can stay in charge.”

“Then how do we ever remember to do Inner Bonding so that we can

make this shift if we keep forgetting?”

“This is where community comes in. None of us does this alone. We all
need support in remembering, and we need that support daily. We
need to have that support built into our lives in various ways. For
example, you are getting this support weekly through our sessions,
and you are making progress. However, if you received daily support,
you would be progressing much faster.”

Daily support can be achieved in a number of ways:

• Speaking everyday with an Inner Bonding buddy – a friend with

whom you share your Inner Bonding process, and with whom you give
and receive encouragement.

• Going onto the Inner Bonding member website daily, and reading an
article each day.

• Participating in the message boards, chats, and groups that are

offered on the Inner Bonding member site.

• Reading personal growth and spiritual literature each day. If time is

limited, then just reading a page or two a day can be supportive and
help you remember to do Inner Bonding.

• Building into your life a specific time for practicing Inner Bonding.
Putting it on your calendar and doing it as part of your daily routine,
making it just as much a part of your life as eating and sleeping. If you
practice it daily, you will be much more likely to remember to do it
when you are stressed.

• Creating a weekly Inner Bonding support group where you can help
and encourage each other with the process.

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Margaret Paul, Ph.D., Inner Bonding® Educational Technologies, Inc.
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• Introducing your friends to Inner Bonding, so that you have a
number of people with whom to share your learning and get help with
stuck places.

• Sharing your learning each day with your partner, if you are
fortunate enough to have a partner who also does Inner Bonding.

It is challenging to remember to choose soul dominion and a

compassionate intent to learn, especially when stressed. Few people
are able to do this on their own. Most of us need community to help us
with this. Some people live in spiritual communities that provide built-
in reminders, but most of us need to find ways to create this support
in our everyday lives.

Inner Bonding is not hard to do – it is just hard to remember to do!

Does Psychotherapy Work?

Dr. Margaret Paul

Discover what kind of psychotherapy or counseling works

and what doesn't, so you can stop wasting your time and
money on what does not work.

Many years ago, when I became a psychotherapist, all I knew was the
traditional psychotherapy that I had learned in school, and that I had
personally experienced with many different therapists and many
different forms of therapy. For 18 years I practiced what I had learned,
and I was never happy with the results.

I saw that people often felt better for the moment, or resolved a
particular issue, but that when new issues came up, they didn't have a
process for dealing with them. In all the years of my own therapy, I
had never learned a process either - a process for loving myself and
taking 100% responsibility for my own feelings and needs. In fact,
taking responsibility for my feelings was never a part of any of the
therapies I had experienced. I had learned to express my feelings -

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Margaret Paul, Ph.D., Inner Bonding® Educational Technologies, Inc.
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which often turned out to be a form of control - but not how I was
creating my own feelings of anxiety, depression, anger, hurt, guilt and
shame.

I no longer practice traditional psychotherapy because, in my

experience, it doesn't work. For the past 24 years I have worked with
clients with the Inner Bonding process. In fact, I have many
psychotherapists in my practice learning this process, because they
are discouraged with the results of traditional psychotherapy in their
work and in their own lives.

What Works and What Doesn't Work

So, does psychotherapy work? It does if what you are learning about is
how to connect with your own feelings and take responsibility for
them; how to discover the false beliefs that are creating your painful
feelings; and how to connect with a personal source of spiritual
Guidance that teaches you the truth and the loving action toward
yourself. It works when you are willing to learn to take loving action in
your own behalf and share your love with others. It works when you
are willing to stop blaming the past, your parents, your partner,
society, events, or God for your suffering, and learn that you are the
cause of your own suffering. It works when you are willing to stop
seeing yourself as a victim of others and circumstances, and learn to
be loving to yourself.

What does not work is spending years analyzing the past. While the
past shaped our beliefs, and it is important to understand where we
learned what we learned, dwelling on it is a waste of time. In my
experience, if we stay current with discovering the false beliefs that
cause our painful feelings, the past will become illuminated. When we
realize, for example, that we spend much time and energy judging
ourselves, it is easy to go into the past to see where we learned this.
Did one or both of your parents judge you? Did they judge
themselves? What was the role-modeling you grew up with? Did either
of your parents take responsibility for their feelings, or were they
victims, blaming each other, or you, or others, for their misery? It is
not hard to learn about the past when we are willing to examine our
current choices and behavior toward ourselves and others.

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Margaret Paul, Ph.D., Inner Bonding® Educational Technologies, Inc.
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Your Spiritual Connection

Psychotherapy that does not include developing a spiritual connection

does not work. Our spiritual connection is the Source we need to turn
to for wisdom and comfort. In order to deal lovingly with the
challenges of life, we need to know that we are not alone, and that we
always have our higher Guidance to turn to for the truth and loving
action toward ourselves and others.

True healing is about learning how to take full, 100% responsibility for
our own feelings and needs. It is about moving out of self-
abandonment and emotional dependency and into emotional freedom.
When you find a therapist, facilitator or coach who helps you to do
this, then you will find great benefit.

Actions of Love
Dr. Margaret Paul

Many people suffer daily from anxiety, depression, stress

and anger, as well as from feelings of guilt, shame and
inadequacy. The major cause of these feelings is a lack of
loving action in their own behalf. Taking loving action will
change everything in your life.

Myrna, 38, and a successful physician, sought my help because she

often felt inadequate. While she really valued herself as a doctor, she
did not value herself in her important relationships with friends and
family.

In the course of our work together, it became apparent that Myrna

rarely took loving action in her own behalf with her friends, family, and
her partner. For example, Jessica, one of Myrna’s friends, would often
get angry and blame Myrna when she was not available for dinner with
Jessica. Myrna would feel guilty and responsible for Jessica’s feelings,
and meet her for dinner even when she was exhausted from work.
Myrna would feel drained after these dinners and depressed for a few
days after, never realizing that it was because she had not taken
loving care of herself.

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Myrna realized that she had no idea how to take care of herself around
others. She was frequently terrified of completely losing herself in her
relationship. She realized that she would continue to feel lonely,
anxious, inadequate and depressed until she learned to take loving
action for herself.

Many people suffer daily from anxiety, depression, stress and anger,
as well as from feelings of guilt, shame and inadequacy. The major
cause of these feelings is a lack of loving action in their own behalf.

Loving actions fall into two categories: Loving actions for yourself, and
loving actions in relationship to others.

Loving Actions for Yourself

Loving actions for yourself are those actions that attend to your own
needs. When you take loving action in your own behalf, you are letting
yourself know that you matter, you are important, you count. When
you fail to take loving action, you give yourself the message that you
are not important, which leads to feelings of depression and
inadequacy.

Loving actions for yourself might include:

• Eating nutritious foods, avoiding junk food and sugar, eating

when hungry, and stopping when full

• Getting enough exercise

• Keeping your work and home environments clean and organized

• Getting enough sleep

• Creating a balance between work and play; making sure you

have time to get your work done, as well as time to do nothing,
reflect, learn, play and create

• Creating a good support system of people who love and care

about you

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• Being organized with your time, getting places on time, paying
bills on time and so on

• Choosing to be compassionate with yourself, rather than

judgmental toward yourself

• Creating a balance between time for yourself and time with

others

• Making sure you are physically safe, by wearing a seat belt in a

car; a helmet on a motorcycle, scooter, or bike; goggles when
necessary, and so on

• Consistently practicing Inner Bonding

Loving actions in relationship to others

Loving actions in relationship to others might include:

• Being kind and compassionate toward others, without

compromising your own integrity or ignoring your own needs
and feelings

• Saying no when you mean no, and yes when you mean yes -
rather than giving yourself up and going along with something
you don’t want to do, or automatically resisting what another
wants from you

• Taking care of your own needs, instead of trying to change and

control others. Accepting your lack of control over others, and
either accepting them as they are, or not being around them

• Speaking your truth about what is acceptable to you and what is

unacceptable, and then taking action for yourself based on your
truth

• Taking personal responsibility for your own feelings and needs,

instead of being a victim and making others responsible for your
feelings and needs

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• Creating a balance between giving and receiving, rather than a
one-way street with another person

As a result of learning to take better care of herself, alone and with

others, Myrna no longer felt depressed and inadequate. And her
relationship is thriving!

Kindness to Self and Others

Dr. Margaret Paul

Do you spend most of your thinking time judging yourself,

or being kind to yourself? Are you trying to get - from
others - the kindness that your Inner Child needs from
you?

One of the qualities that we often find compelling in another person is

genuine kindness. When we meet someone who is kind, we feel safe
and valued. We feel safe and valued because kindness is the opposite
of judgment, and judgment is what many people try so hard to avoid.

Our Inner Child needs to be treated with deep kindness. Often, we

judge ourselves to get ourselves to do things right, in order to attempt
to control getting kindness and acceptance from others.

Here are some common self-judgments:

"You are not good enough."

"If you fail, you are a failure."
"If you make a mistake, you are unworthy."
"If someone doesn't like you, you are not okay."

The wounded self believes that self-judgment will get you to shape up,
yet the truth is that self-judgment creates emptiness, neediness,
anxiety, depression and low self-esteem. The more you judge yourself,
the more you need kindness and acceptance from others. This will not
change until you decide to be kind and accepting toward yourself.

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Margaret Paul, Ph.D., Inner Bonding® Educational Technologies, Inc.
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Judging ourselves is very unkind to ourselves. You might get caught in
a vicious circle of desperately needing kindness and acceptance, due
to your own self-judgments; then judging yourself again, in order to
get yourself to do it right - in order to get the needed kindness and
acceptance from others; then, when that doesn’t work, feeling
inadequate, anxious and depressed, once again. This vicious circle of
inner abandonment gradually leads to more and more anxiety,
depression and low self-esteem, as well as an inability to be genuinely
kind to others.

One of the jobs of the loving Adult is to become aware of when you
are judging yourself, and to move into kindness toward both your
essence and your wounded self, who is judging. However, kindness
does not mean indulging. You can kindly and gently stop your
wounded self from judging yourself by consciously changing your
judgmental thoughts to kind thoughts. Since your self-judgments are
lies, meant to control, they will always make you feel badly. If you
stay in Step One of Inner Bonding, staying tuned in to your feelings,
you can know immediately when you are judging yourself. At that
moment of awareness, you can go to your Guidance and ask whether
the judgment is really the truth, and ask to know what the truth is.
Once you tune in to the truth, you can start telling it to yourself.
Telling yourself the truth is kind. Judging yourself is not.

Becoming aware of your intent is vital, if you are going to change from
self-judgment to kindness, compassion and acceptance toward
yourself. As long as your intent is to get others to be kind,
compassionate and accepting toward you, you will judge yourself, to
try to get yourself to act right in order to control getting what you
want from others. Once you shift your intent to loving yourself, instead
of controlling others, you will start to be aware of your feelings that
come from your self-judgments.

Everything changes when you move from self-judgment to kindness

toward yourself. The more you come from the truth that comes from
your Guidance, rather than from the lies of your wounded self, the
safer and more worthy you feel. Eventually, anxiety and depression
are replaced by peace and joy. When kindness to yourself is your
highest priority, you will treat yourself kindly in all areas of your life -
physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially, organizationally, and in
relationships with others.

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Margaret Paul, Ph.D., Inner Bonding® Educational Technologies, Inc.
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You will discover that the kinder you are to yourself in all areas of your
life, the kinder you are to others. When you no longer need others to
validate you and make you feel safe, you will find great joy in being
kind to others.

Start today, by noticing your self-judgments and choosing instead to

be kind to yourself.

Happiness
Dr. Margaret Paul

Paradoxically, choosing happiness as a primary goal in life

often leads to unhappiness. Happiness is actually a
consequence of a deeper life purpose. Discover what
really creates happiness.

Some people believe that achieving happiness is the purpose of life,

yet the pursuit of happiness often leads to unhappiness. This is
because happiness is actually a consequence of a deeper life purpose -
the pursuit of evolving our souls in our ability to love ourselves and
others.

When achieving happiness is your goal, you might pursue this in three
different ways:

1. You might pursue momentary pleasure, believing that your

happiness is the same as pleasure. When this is your belief, you
might pursue happiness through substances such as alcohol,
drugs, nicotine or food. Or you might pursue happiness through
activities such as sex, spending or gambling.

2. If you believe that your happiness is attached to money and

the outcome of things regarding money, you might pursue
control over outcomes, through spending most of your time
working, as well as accumulating and managing money.

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3. If you believe that your happiness is attached to people,
you might pursue control over getting love, approval, attention,
admiration or acknowledgement.

While momentary pleasure feels good, it is just momentary. Which

means that you need to keep on doing whatever you believe will bring
you happiness, over and over. This is what creates addictions - the
pursuit of what you believe will prevent pain and bring pleasure. The
problem is that none of these pursuits bring deep and abiding
happiness, because their effects are always momentary.

True happiness is not the result of DOING, but rather, it results from a
way of BEING. Rather than coming from the momentary pleasures of
the outside world, it is the result of your intention to evolve, daily, as a
loving human being.

What does this mean?

This means that ongoing happiness is the result of choosing the

spiritual path of kindness, compassion, understanding and acceptance.

Yet it is not enough to express kindness and compassion toward

others. Many have tried this and still end up feeling empty and angry
when the deep happiness they desire continues to elude them.

The path toward true happiness starts with opening yourself to

learning about what is most loving and compassionate toward
YOURSELF. You can have all the things that people believe will bring
happiness - money, a good relationship, a family, work you enjoy - yet
if you are critical and judgmental toward yourself, instead of accepting
and compassionate with yourself, you will not feel happy.

Imagine a child who seemingly has everything - tons of toys, the best
schools, great vacations, lots of friends. But imagine that this child has
parents who ignore him or her, or who are very critical, judgmental
and controlling of him or her. This child will not be happy, no matter
how many external things he or she has.

Imagine that this child is you - the feelings within you. How are you
treating this child? How do you treat your feelings? Do you ignore your
feelings, and cover them over with substance or process addictions?

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Margaret Paul, Ph.D., Inner Bonding® Educational Technologies, Inc.
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Are you judgmental of yourself, constantly telling yourself that you are
not good enough, that you are inadequate in some way?

Ignoring or judging yourself will always lead to unhappiness, no matter

how much you have in the external world, or how loving you are to
others. Until you decide to start treating yourself the way you want
others to treat you, deep and abiding happiness will elude you. As long
as you are treating yourself the way your parents may have treated
you or themselves, you will continue to feel the emptiness and
aloneness that comes from self-abandonment.

If you want to experience true happiness, then start a devoted Inner

Bonding practice and learn to pay attention to your own feelings with a
deep desire to learn about what you are doing or not doing that is
causing your pain and unhappiness. Happiness will be the natural
consequence of your willingness to take full, 100% responsibility for
your own feelings, and your willingness to learn about and take action
regarding what truly brings you joy.

What is Loving to The Golden Child?

Dr. Margaret Paul

If you are asking your spiritual Guidance for the loving

action and you are not receiving answers, the problem
may lie in your intent. This article shows you what you
may need to shift in order to start receiving answers.

Ralph was having trouble accessing his spiritual Guidance, regarding

loving action toward himself. As a result, he often felt disconnected
and depressed, since his Inner Child often felt abandoned and unloved,
due to the lack of loving action in his behalf.

In one of our sessions, I asked Ralph to open to seeing his core Self,
his essence, his natural Inner Child. I asked him to open to seeing his
essence through the loving eyes of his spiritual Guidance. "What do
you see when you look at yourself through loving eyes?" I asked.

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Ralph was quiet for a moment and then said, "I see a Golden Child."

"Why are you not taking care of this Golden Child?"

"Oh! I see the problem! When I ask my Guidance about the loving
action, I am not asking about the loving action for the Golden Child.
I'm asking about the loving action toward myself."

"And who is asking the question, and who is the self that you are
referring to when asking about the loving action?" I asked.

"Hmmm. Now that we are talking about it, I think that it must be my
wounded self asking the question, and I'm seeking the answer for my
wounded self. So that's why I'm not getting answers! Do you think if I
was asking as a loving Adult in behalf of my Golden Child I would get
answers?"

"Well, let's try it. Imagine the Golden Child again, and then imagine
your Guidance. Ask your Guidance about what would be the loving
action toward your Golden Child after we get off the phone." Ralph was
not at work since it was Saturday.

Ralph asked and immediately received an answer: "Take him for a

walk on the beach and look for shells, which you know he loves to do.

"So, I can see that when I ask as a loving Adult in behalf of my Golden
Child, I will get answers, but when I ask for myself as a wounded
adult, I won't hear anything. Wow! I really see why I haven't been
getting answers!"

When we ask for guidance from our wounded self, we are really asking
from the part of us that wants to control rather than to love. It is only
when our intent is to be loving to our core Self that we will receive the
answers we need. If you are having trouble accessing your Guidance,
it may be time to go a little deeper into your intent when asking
Guidance for the loving action. As I often state, our wounded self is
very adept at masking as the loving Adult. It's easy for the wounded
self to act open to learning, while having a subtle controlling agenda
under the open exterior.

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Margaret Paul, Ph.D., Inner Bonding® Educational Technologies, Inc.
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If you practice getting a clear image of your own Golden Child, your
wonder Child, your true Self - you will have an easier time asking
about what is loving to this part of you. This is really what Inner
Bonding is all about - seeking each moment to learn about what is
loving to our Self and taking action for this Self.

A major part of the Inner Bonding process is getting to know your true
Self with the help of your spiritual Guidance. Unless you know and
greatly value who you really are, you might not be very motivated to
take loving care of yourself. When you get who you really are - a
perfect individual expression of God who has come here to evolve in
love and fully express the gifts of your soul - you will likely be highly
motivated to learn to take loving care of your Self each and every
moment. And your Guidance is always here to offer you the love and
information you need.

Causeless Joy
Dr. Margaret Paul

Happiness that is the result of good things happening is a

totally different experience from "causeless joy." Discover
how to bring more causeless peace, love and joy into your
life.

My dear friend Lindsay Wagner, who has been doing Inner Bonding for
many years, recently returned from studying with a Master in India.
She offered me this wonderful concept, which she got from her
teacher: causeless love, causeless peace, causeless joy.

I love this, because it names an experience that I often have. At those

times when I am very connected with God, and in deep surrender to
my Guidance, this wonderful energy fills my being to overflowing. At
these times, I can't stop smiling. Love pours out unendingly, and
everything makes me giggle. Things that are not particularly funny to
others strike me as hysterical, and I laugh until my stomach aches. It

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is the very best feeling in the world! Sometimes I am laughing and I
have no idea what I am laughing at! I feel so happy and peaceful at
these times.

This is causeless love, causeless joy, causeless peace. It is called

"causeless" because it is not attached to anything in the world. It is
not about something good happening, not about an event or a person.
It is not about getting something like approval or attention or money.
It is not about winning or achieving, or how you look.

It is causeless in the terms of the world, but it is certainly not

causeless in terms of God. In fact, it IS God. It is the experience of
God within that occurs when we completely surrender our control, and
open to the love, peace, joy, truth and wisdom that is God. It is the
state of bliss that occurs when love is our highest priority. At those
moments, we are within God and God is within us. We are one with
God. Nothing is better than this experience!

Our society generally operates on the premise that something outside

ourselves is responsible for creating our happiness. We will be happy
when we find the right relationship or the right job. We will be happy
when we have enough money or enough love from someone we value.
We will be happy when we live in our dream house, have our dream
car, have children, or lose weight.

I can tell you from having had all of these things that the happiness
that comes from having these things is nothing compared with the joy
I feel when I experience oneness with God. There is just nothing that
comes close to it. I suppose if I were an enlightened being, I would
experience this all the time, but since I am still a work in progress, I
am delighted to report that I experience this more and more of the
time, as I continue to practice Inner Bonding. This is how I know that
Inner Bonding really works!

It's so simple, yet not at all easy. It is not easy to let go of control
over others and outcomes. It is not easy to truly open to what is in our
highest good, instead of trying to manifest our own agenda. It is not
easy to focus on loving action for ourselves and toward others, instead
of trying to get love, avoid pain and feel safe. But as challenging as it
is, there is no experience in life that comes close to the peace and joy

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Margaret Paul, Ph.D., Inner Bonding® Educational Technologies, Inc.
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you will feel when you have surrendered your individual will to God's
will.

In my personal journey, there are periods when I am in this complete

joy, and periods when I am out of alignment with my soul and have
deep learning to do. I know that when I am not in this joy, I am
thinking or behaving in ways that are not in alignment with my soul.
Through Inner Bonding, I continually discover where I am off base,
what the truth is, and what the loving action is. Once I get this and
take the loving action, I am back in the "causeless joy."

When you bring Inner Bonding into your daily life, you will experience
this. Is there anything in life that is more important?

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Margaret Paul, Ph.D., Inner Bonding® Educational Technologies, Inc.
http://www.innerbonding.com