Remixed Cherry Blossom

Prologue

You can’t judge.

It’s easy to see another person’s deeds as sins. To look down on people, pick at everything
they do as moral failing or weakness of character. It gets easier the more you do it. False pride
tells that finding fault in others will make us feel better about ourselves, and there’s not one of
us who isn’t desperate to feel better about the self.
Right now, I want to lie to you. I want to tell you that I’m not speaking from experience. That I
never regretted my actions. That I did what I had to do, because I had to do it. It puts me above
morals. Necessity exempts me from doing the right thing. Being exempt, I don’t have to feel
guilty. Even if I can’t be happy or satisfied, I don’t have to hate myself for what I did.
But of course, as I said, that’s all a lie. No one is ever exempt. No situation, no matter how
dire, will ever free you from ethical obligations. If you do something wrong, even if it was
necessary, you will hurt. There’s no avoiding it. A wrongdoer will always pay for his crimes.
Besides, how do you know you’re any better? Had you been in the criminal’s place, with his heart
and mind and experiences, wouldn’t you have broken the same law?
You can’t judge. I begin by saying that, and I want to drive the concept home before I move
on. Not because I deserve understanding. Not because I can pardon my actions. Only because if
you do judge me, you’ll hate me. And deserving of that anger I may be, but you won’t learn
anything. You’ll never find out why the endless winter happened, as best told by the person who
lived through it.
Is it worth it? Would you rather hate me, who hurt so many and destroyed so much? Would
you rather keep your anger blazing to satisfy your sense of justice? Or can you set your emotions
aside for the sake of learning what happened, and why it happened?
If you can’t, then I beg you to stop reading. Put down this manuscript. Throw it into the
nearest fireplace. Forget you ever saw it. If you read what follows because you ​want ​to be angry,
you’re doing a favor to no one. Least of all yourself.
But if you can postpone judgment, even if only for a while, then read on. In return for your
time, I promise to tell the truth.

---

Traditional wisdom tells us to start at the beginning. Sadly, I can’t do that. This story began
long before I was born. I had only been around for the relatively few years near its end. I was
young by human standards, and I still am as of the time of this writing. I might be mistaken,
trying to understand and explain beings than have lived many times my age. But here I am,
doing it anyway. They all tell me I’m the only one who can.
So here I’ll begin. Imagine the most beautiful countryside you can. Long, rolling hills of green
grass. Thick forests of strong, vibrant trees. Small villages dotted across the land, with a simple
webbing of dirt roads connecting them. And the whole place, for miles and miles, encircled by a
ring of snow-capped mountains. Finally, running the whole length around the mountain range, a
crystalline wall of slowly shifting colors. An impenetrable barrier, preventing entrance and exit
of living things. This is Gensokyo. It’s supposedly part of a larger island nation, but sealed by the
Boundary for time unknown. We don’t know what the world outside is like, except by the small
objects that appear inside our country.
Near Gensokyo’s heart is its main water body, simply known as “the lake”. Here accumulates
all the streams rolling down from the mountain snowbanks, then slips out in some underground
path. From the mainland, a long land bridge pokes out into the lake, ending in a circular island
large enough to hold a moderately-sized village. But instead, a single giant mansion is there.
This place will be familiar. Everyone knows of it. Some think it’s merely an abandoned old
building, that nobody built and nobody lives in. Some think it’s a nesting place for monsters of
magic, fairies and wild ​youkai ​and worse things. But a few know it’s none of those. A few know
the truth.
Here lives Lady Scarlet.

---

How do I know that? And why do I start the story here? One answer goes for both questions.
I am Lady Scarlet’s maid.
My name is Sakuya Izayoi, and it’s my job to clean up fairy vomit while listening to
purple-haired witches tell stories. Believe me, neither chore is enjoyable.
“The poet was horrified,” said the witch, sitting off to the side while I worked. “To see both her
parents dead, and by her own song! Her life as she knew it was over. She feared being found out,
that the villagers would know her as a murderer and beat her to death in the streets. Driven mad
with terror and grief, the girl fled, leaving her parent’s bodies behind.”
My shoulders ached from scraping the brush over the floor again and again. My fingers
tingled, on the brink of going numb from cold, but never quite getting there. My breath came out
in frozen wisps. An annoying drop of cold sweat hung off my nose. I swiped at it with my sleeve,
making a frustrated ​ergh​! noise.
“The young woman ran out of town, going behind every home and building to keep from
being seen.” The witch turned a page, careful to keep her heavy nightgown out of the way. “She
went to the only place she knew outside her home, the old solitary ​sakura​ tree on the village
outskirts. She collapsed under it, breathless and spent from running. Once she had her wind, she
sat for a long time and wept in the tree’s shade. She could do naught else. Her heart was broken
and her mind was torn.”
I dumped my brush into the wash bucket, letting it soak. The floor was much better than it
had been, but it was permanently stained. Fairy puke gets into all the nooks and pores of a
surface. Especially the long wood slats on the music room’s floor. They provide great acoustics
while my mistress is banging away on her pipe organ, but they’re a devil to clean.
I sat back, letting my arms rest. They throbbed from each beat of my heart, exhausted from
scrubbing. And I wasn’t done yet. The worst part of the mess was gone, but junk was still
scattered all over the stage. Broken wine bottles. Empty food wrappings. Torn bits of fairy wing,
transparent and flexible to the touch but looking sharp and rigid like glass shards.
Someone was going to die for this.
“Then suddenly, the young poet heard someone speaking to her. She first thought it the voice
of the cherry tree, since she had neither seen nor heard anyone approach.
“‛Why do you sit here, weeping alone?’
“The girl’s breath caught in her, and she made no reply. Her tears dried, but she looked
around to see from where the voice had come. Her ears seemed to hear it from above, and she
looked up into the branches of the tree.
“‛No, no, silly one,’ said the voice. ‛I am here, if you must see me to speak with me.’
“And the girl beheld an amazing thing. A great, dark rent appeared above her in the air. It
seemed attached to nothing but for a piece of lace tied on either end. Sitting in the rent was a
woman of stunning, unearthly beauty, looking down upon the poet. The young girl froze in fear,
knowing this woman to be an angel or goddess, a being who knew her sin and had come to
punish her. She hid her face, cowering against the trunk of the cherry tree. The goddess
descended from the air, her feet coming down to the ground. Even so, she stood tall and
imposing over the girl. The goddess’s face softened with a smile.
“‛Do not fear me,’ she said, ‛I have no ill will toward you. Tell me why you sit here alone
weeping, if you are able to be other than silent.’
“‛I had best remain silent,’ said the girl, looking up at the goddess. ‛For my voice—’”
“Patchouli,” I interrupted her. “Please stop.”
“Stop?” The witch looked up. “I am doing this for your benefit, Sakuya. Your studies are
chronically behind.”
I stood, stretching out my overworked muscles. “I know. You nag me about it every day.”
“Such nagging makes you aware, but serves as no remedy to your indifference.” Patchouli
slammed the book closed, tucked it under her arm and stood. She left the front row of chairs and
stepped up to the stage, glaring up at me. “Would ​you​ care to explain to the mistress why you
have not yet memorized your first hundred ​kanji​? Or multiplication tables of four, seven, eight
and twelve?” She held the book out to me. “I challenge you to read even one chapter, and give a
five hundred word essay, as proof of your reading comprehension skills.”
I picked up the wash bucket and stepped off the stage, but I was still taller than Patchouli. She
was a powerful elementalist, but it’s hard to be intimidated by someone who can only meet me
eye-to-stomach.
“I have nothing to prove,” I said.
“Indeed not.” She stowed the book under her arm. “You are not a fool, Sakuya, but the wisest
man may slip into idiocy if he takes his mind for granted. A muscle not exercised will atrophy
and become useless.”
“Useless?” I said. “Like a genius who can’t help clean because she’s too busy standing on the
soap box?”
Patchouli stepped back, her mouth open in offended shock. Her eyes flared in indigo sparks,
as ​youkai ​eyes do with strong emotion. She closed her mouth and swallowed, brushing her
hands over her book, trying to compose herself.
 “I can see how my position here is valued.” she said. “Apparently scholars are unwanted while
dirty floors are the priority.” She turned and headed out of the music room, going up the ramped
floor past rows of empty seats. She stopped at the door, looked back at me.
“I will ask the mistress to release me from duties as your tutor,” she said. “Certainly it will
please you escape the chore of learning.”
It would, actually. I didn’t dare say so.
“I don’t mind learning,” I said. “It’s just not the only chore I need help with.”
Patchouli ​hmphe​ d. “We have different duties, you and I. You are mistaken to value yours over
mine, but you need not worry. You will not have the opportunity to make that mistake twice.”
She pulled the door open and went out, letting it fall shut behind her. She left me alone in the
music room. I forced out a smug laugh. It was just like her to get upset over something so
ridiculous. Maybe I had meant to upset her, but so what? I didn’t feel sorry for her. She would
complain to the mistress, but getting scolded would be worth letting Patchouli know just how
useless she was.
Yes. Useless. There was no nicer word for it.
She rummaged in her library all day, wasting hour after hour, doing nothing for anyone.
Sometimes she would come upstairs and chat with the mistress, just to make herself look
friendly. Meanwhile, I spent every waking second keeping the mansion running. I cooked meals.
I cleaned everything and organized everything else. And the fairies. They would make the place a
madhouse if I didn’t keep the fear of knives in them.
I looked back at the mess on the stage, scattered around the pipe organ. This was a good
example. A patch of floor still glowed soft green from fairy vomit, the leftovers of an
unauthorized party from earlier today. Making a mess like this was bad. Making me clean it up
was worse. But worst was doing it now, of all times. Wasting food and drink during a crisis was
unforgivable. No new supplies had come into the mansion for weeks.
I stood there, looking at the mess. I wondered which of the fairies had the guts to do this. I
would find out. And when I did, I was going to inflict some pain. I imagined grabbing the culprit
out of the air, holding her up in front of the other fairies. I would turn her over and yank her
wings off, with little splashes of sparkling dust as the delicate membranes tore free of her back.
She would scream, and she would cry. The others would see, and be terrified into obedience.
Until next time. Until they forgot who was boss, and pulled another stunt like this. Then I
would have to dish out some more Sakuya justice.
I wasn’t so sure I minded.
The music room’s door banged open, startling me. I looked back, saw an angry martial artist
coming down past the rows of seats.
“Sakuya!” she said. “The mistress sent me for you.”
I snorted, a puff of breath quickly fading before my face. I hated her for being able to wear so
little in such cold. While I was stuck in a heavy dress, this girl wore the same clothes as in the
summer months. And she had breasts large enough to cause chronic back strain on any human
woman. Things like temperature and gravity didn’t seem to bother her. Some ​youkai a ​ re lucky.
“China,” I said. “What—”
 “Don’t call me that! My name is Hong Meiling.” She stepped to me, hands up as if ready to
grapple. She was unhappy with me, I could see. She was near my height and many times my
strength. All else being equal, she could have killed me in seconds.
In Gensokyo, all else is rarely equal.
“Watch it, China,” I said. “Don’t forget your place. What does the mistress want of me?”
Meiling’s muscles tensed, especially her clenching jaw. Her eyes burned fluid blue, like the
hot base of a candle flame. It seemed this ​youkai w ​ as holding in some emotion of her own. Yet at
least trying to be diplomatic.
“She wants your oath of service,” she said.
“She has it already,” I said. “She always has.”
“No,” said Meiling. “Not Remilia. She’s old and forgotten. I’m talking about the mistress. The
new mistress. My mistress.”
I felt my brow scrunch. What stupidity was this?
“Be careful with words like that,” I said. “Remilia ​is ​your mistress.”
Meiling smiled. “Not anymore. Her rule is over. A new power rises, and it’ll overthrow
Remilia the Tyrant. My mistress sent me to make you an offer.” She pointed a finger into my
chest. “You may follow as her lowest servant, and my subordinate, and enjoy relative freedom
versus your slavery to Remilia. Or stay loyal to your old mistress, and fall when she falls. What
do you say?”
For a few long seconds, I was speechless. ​Youkai ​take feudal politics seriously, so Meiling
must have found a master she considered superior to Remilia. That was a daring move, since the
defecting servant would necessarily expect retaliation from the master she abandoned. She
wouldn’t do it unless her new master was strong enough to protect her from the old one, or that
the old master was no threat.
I took deep breath.
“You ask for my response to that offer?” I said.
Meiling nodded, keeping her eyes on me. “Speak quickly. I’ll consider a delayed answer as a
refusal, and handle you accordingly.”
I still carried the full wash bucket, and I gripped it with white knuckles.
“Then here’s my answer,” I said. I looked down and closed my eyes.
Even in the relative stillness of the music room on a cold day, there was still movement. My
lungs and my heartbeat. The mansion settling as the winter winds whipped against the outside
walls. Meiling breathed and moved like any living thing, and motes of dust stirred in the air
around us.
All it took was a concentrated thought, a small push of will, and everything outside me
stopped. There was no wind, no creaking house. Bits of dust hung in air as if nailed in place.
Most importantly, Meiling was still like a marble statue. She didn’t blink or breathe.
“How dare you,” I said to her petrified face. “I’ll ​handle ​you.”
I knew my voice wouldn’t carry far. All the air in the room was frozen, except nearest me.
Which meant that if I didn’t want to suffocate on my own breath, I had to move.
But I never thought of it as ​moving. ​That word only applies if everything else has a chance to
move along with me, which it didn’t. So I didn’t ​move a ​ s other people do, and as I usually do.
I ​shifted.
 While the whole rest of the world stuck still, I stepped up onto the pipe organ’s stage. Meiling
kept staring off into space where I had stood a second ago. I held the wash bucket above her
head and up-ended it. The dirty water fell past the bucket’s rim, but stopped shortly after. It’s an
odd thing to see water paused in mid fall. Around the main splash were many spheric blobs,
lopsided and with air bubbles trapped inside like poorly made marbles.
I left the dirty wash water above Meiling’s head, and I hopped off the stage. I stepped around
Meiling to her left, then got a good grip on the bucket. I held it back, ready to swing.
Like letting out a held breath, I released the ​shift.
There was an instant when Meiling realized I no longer stood where she was looking, and the
surprise barely registered on her face. The cold soap water splashed down on her. She would
have yelped, but I didn’t give her time. I was already swinging the bucket, and I clocked her right
in the face.
The bucket rang out a satisfying ​clang! a​ s Meiling fell to her back. Water clung her clothes
and hair to her. Her breasts bounced around as she hit the floor. I ​shifted ​again, this time only
enough to step on her neck. I felt the tough tissue of her throat under my shoe.
She took a moment to understand what had happened. One second she was staring me down,
throwing threats at me. The next, she was on the floor and soaked with diluted fairy vomit. My
left foot forced her to work for each breath. She was strong enough to break my shin with her
bare hands, but she didn’t try. She knew she was beaten. Her eyes flared bright blue. She
breathed through her teeth, her nose bloody and swelling.
“That’s my response,” I said. “I’ll serve Remilia as long as she lives.”
Meiling said nothing. She only glared up at me, seething.
I leaned down, bringing my face closer to hers. “Who is your new mistress?”
“You know her,” she hissed through clenched teeth.
I leaned down further, putting some pressure on her windpipe.
“Do I?” I said. “Tell me.”

---

I ​shifted​, and I ran.

I make it look easy, but disappearing in one place and appearing in another isn’t as simple as
it seems. It’s like holding my breath, except in my brain instead of my lungs. I get a headache if I
​ nless I want to make an impression on someone. Or if I need to
do it for too long. I don’t ​shift u
get somewhere really fast.
Like now.
I was standing on Meiling’s throat in the music room, and in almost no time I was dashing up
to the observatory on the fourth floor. The big wood-grained doors hung open. Ruddy maroon
light spilled out into the dark hallway. I stepped over the threshold, seeing the mess inside. I
looked up and saw Meiling’s new mistress.
“Flandre!” I yelled.
All the observatory's furniture had been piled together in the middle of the room. Tables were
stacked with couches and armchairs, wooden stool legs poking out everywhere, cushions and
throw pillows shoved in anywhere they would fit. The whole thing looked ready to collapse if
someone sneezed in the wrong direction.
Sitting at the top was a small girl, looking nine or ten years old. In one hand she held a long
and curved staff of dark metal, with a spade-shaped spike on either end. The room around us
was red with flame. Nothing was burning, but the domed glass ceiling showed a bird’s view of a
countryside razed with fire. Trees burned, their branches flaking off the trunk. Rivers ran dry as
they boiled away. The homes and buildings of villages slowly vaporized, carried up into the night
as smoke and ash.
“Sakuya!” said the girl atop the furniture mound. “I’m glad you came. Did China talk you into
joining?”
“No. I’m here because you’re up past your bedtime.” I pointed to the ceiling. “I hope none of
that actually happened.”
Flandre looked up at the image of Armageddon above her. “No, not yet. Remi’s magic in here
lets you do more than just see things. You can think up stuff and put it into the spells. Like this!”
She stabbed her staff up toward the glass, and the image changed. The burning lands
vanished, replaced with a portrait of Flandre giving a full-toothed grin and a big thumbs-up. Her
face stretched and distorted to fit on the full curve of the domed ceiling. I slapped a hand over
my mouth to keep from sputtering out laughter.
“I know!” she said. “Isn’t it neat? All this and more can be yours, if you join Flandre’s new
world order!”
“I’m sorry, little Mistress,” I said. “Your sister won’t allow any orders after dinner. Come on
down so we can put this furniture back, and I’ll make you some pudding before bed.”
Flandre’s eyes flared red, a shade darker than her sister’s. The rainbow of crystal shards on
her wings all burned with their own colors. She stood, crooking her legs to keep her balance.
“No! There’s no more bedtime for me! I’ll sleep when I want and eat what I want, where I want,
how I want and why I want!”
I stepped forward, sliding one hand into my dress pocket. I pinched one of my throwing
knives between two fingers. I had no intention of hurting her, but a weapon can save lives as well
as take them.
“Little Mistress,” I said. “Come down now, or your sister—”
“Don’t talk about her!” Flandre yelled, stomping a foot on the furniture beneath her. “I’m so
sick of Remi telling me what to do. I belong to me, not her. If she doesn’t realize that, then
this—” She pointed a finger to the ceiling. Her grinning face disappeared, replaced by the
burning landscape. The observatory lit up red again. “—will look like a fairy fart compared to
what I’ll do to her!”
“Nobody could do that to the mistress,” I said. “She’s pretty scary when she’s angry.”
“So am I!” Flandre pointed her staff down at me. Red tendrils of energy formed out of
nowhere and pooled near the spade’s tip. “Funny thing is, it’s her own fault! She shouldn’t have
given me this Lavatein. Now I’m stronger than she is!”
Instinct told me to throw a knife, knock the staff out of Flandre’s hand. But I waited. I didn’t
want to force her down, if I could help it. I had cleaned up enough messes today.
“That’s not true,” I said. “Don’t do this, little Mistress. You’ll just hurt yourself.”
 “​No​!” Flandre stomped on the furniture pile again. It creaked and shifted beneath her.
“Remi’ll be the hurt one! And you with her, if you won’t join me!” She tightened her grip on
Lavatein. The orb of red energy at its tip grew bigger and brighter.
I shook my head. “I can’t join you. I’m already ​with y​ ou. I’m your servant, because I’m your
sister’s servant. But I serve you through that relationship only.”
“That’s not good enough!” Flandre held Lavatein back, as if ready to whack something with it.
“But fine. Have it your way. If you love Remi so much, then you’ll die with her!”
She swung her staff forward, loosing the energy ball from its tip. But that was the end. With
all the moving and stomping, the pile of furniture beneath her finally collapsed. She lost her
balance, tumbling forwards and crashing to the floor. She screamed in surprise.
The spell streaked behind me and hit one of the observatory doors with a ​bang!​ The force
knocked it back hard enough to tear its hinges from the wall. I stayed still and closed my eyes. I
felt wood splinters pepper my dress and the back of my head. The noise left a ringing in my ears,
but I was unhurt otherwise. As shown, Flandre has terrible aim.

---

Thus ended the uprising. Such was the might of Lady Scarlet that neither she nor her servants
needed even to lift a finger. Without Flandre to keep the spell going, the burning landscape
vanished from the glass dome above. The room fell dark, except for the sparklamps mounted on
the walls. There was no night sky of stars and moon to shine down on me. The roof was covered
with a solid blanket of snow.
I let my knife settle back into my pocket and folded my hands on my apron. I stepped up to
the fallen pile of furniture, saw one end of Lavatein poking out from under a couch cushion. I
didn’t touch it. Flandre was nowhere to be seen. She must have crawled into the mess.
“Little Mistress?” I said. “Are you all right?”
Which was a question of mere politeness. The fall couldn’t have hurt her. She had survived
much worse.
There came no answer, but I heard a frustrated whimper. The sound of a child crying angry
tears. I gently kicked at a toppled armchair, making sure to keep my foot away from Lavatein.
“Flandre,” I said. “Come on. My pudding offer still stands, so long as you don’t make me dig
you out of there.”
“No!” she said, muffled under the furniture piled on top of her. “Just leave me under here. Go
serve the mistress you love. The one you hate will live under the couch forever.”
I didn’t like hearing that. ​Under the couch​ sounded too much like ​underground​. As if she
were accusing me of something. For the first time, I hoped she would never regain her memory.
I liked this Flandre much better than the one I had known for all but the last year of my life. This
Flandre was childish, but at least she was sane. At least she could sit out in the sun without
melting. At least she didn’t eat human flesh.
My insides soured. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Put those thoughts away. Never
take them out again. The past was the past, over and done. I didn’t need to think about it.
“I don’t hate you.” I forced my eyes open. I resigned myself, and started pulling the furniture
away from the main pile. It was hard work. Some of the pieces weighed more than I do. I don’t
have a ​youkai’​ s upper body strength. For the most part, I had to yank things down and slide
them along the carpet. I tried my best not to break anything, but I got some unhealthy creaks
and squeaks from an old couch and love seat.
“You do too hate me!” she said, her voice clearer as I unearthed her. “You do whatever Remi
says, but you’re always making me follow the rules.”
“Those rules are for your own good,” I said. “I obey Remilia because she’s been around a lot
longer than us, so she knows what’s best.”
A big velvet couch had fallen on its face, making a triangular hiding spot big enough for a little
girl. I got my hands under the backrest and heaved up. With some inappropriate grunting, I got
the couch upright. Flandre had been curled up in a ball beneath it. I grimaced at the couch,
seeing the holes Flandre’s wings had ripped into the upholstery. The mistress wasn’t going to be
pleased.
I knelt down beside Flandre. I tried to get my hands under her arms and stand her up. She
only pulled into a tighter ball at my touch, her arms wrapped around her head and covering her
face.
“Leave me alone!” she moaned. “I don’t want a maid who hates me.”
I sighed. I didn’t have the patience for this. I sat down on the carpet, crossing my legs under
my dress.
“I don’t hate you,” I said. “It would be easier for us both if I did. Then I could just walk away,
and you could do whatever you wanted. Stay up late and drink all the wine and party every
night. But those things don’t happen, and not because anyone hates you.”
Only the top of her head was uncovered between her arms. I put a hand there and stroked her
yellow hair. She didn’t pull away. That was a good sign. I decided to try the same reasoning
Remilia had used on me, when I misbehaved as a young girl.
“You’re not afraid of being hated,” I said. “It’s being loved that scares you. People who love
you will give you their best and make you do the right thing. Whether you like it or not.”
Flandre sniffed. She was crying. Good. I was getting to her.
“You don’t have to accept that love,” I said. “You can push away. You can run off, set up on
your own and live by your own rules. But then no one will tuck you in at night, or read you
stories, or make your favorite meals. Not because we don’t want to, but because you won’t let us.
And if you want those things, then you’re welcome to stay, but you have to be a good girl. You
can’t have it both ways.”
She sniffed again. Her voice was thick. “Remi does. She gets it both ways. She does she wants,
and everyone still loves her. You and Patchey and China and Koa all do whatever she says.”
“Because the things she wants are already the right thing,” I said. “Like I said, she knows
what’s best.”
That was pushing it. I could think of a few times my mistress had done things I would rather
she hadn’t. But it was good enough to get a destructive little girl to stop sulking and go to bed. So
I hoped.
“Come on,” I said. I got my hands under her arms again, and this time she let me. We stood
up together. Some girls look adorable when crying, but Flandre isn’t one of them. Her face was
red and wet and puffy. She dried her cheeks on her palms, blotted her hands on her vest. When
she was done, I took her by the hand. It felt hot and clammy in mine.
 “Your staff,” I said, nodding toward Lavatein on the floor a few feet away.
Flandre shook her head. “Remi probably won’t let me keep it.”
“Sure she will,” I said. “It was a gift. She’d no sooner take it away than refuse to feed you.”
I regretted those words as soon as they were out of my mouth. Bad memories. I looked down
at Flandre, hoping she wouldn’t notice.
She didn’t. We went over to Lavatein and Flandre picked it up, holding it in one hand and my
hand in the other. We walked out of the observatory together. As we went, she looked back at the
fallen mountain of furniture.
“I kind of made a mess, didn’t I?” she said.
“Yes,” I said. “But if you help clean up tomorrow morning, you won’t get in trouble for it.”
“Okay,” she said, and we spoke no more. Hand in hand we went to her bedroom, where I
dressed her in a nightgown and tucked her in.

---

It had been a long day, and I felt like going to bed myself. But I went to find my mistress, for
no reason I can remember. I only knew where she would be, and that I wanted to see her. After
putting Flandre to bed, I stopped by the kitchen to pick up a cold tea tray. Then I went back up
to the fourth floor, on the side of the mansion opposite from the observatory.
Like most evenings, my mistress was in her study after dinner. Sometimes alone, sometimes
staying up late talking with the mansion’s other residents. It was a small and cozy room, with an
armchair on one wall and a leathern couch on the other. The rest of the room’s wall space was
spent on bookshelves. Here the mistress kept her favorite volumes chosen from the library
downstairs. There were reams upon reams of loose paper written over with both the old and new
languages. There was a large writing desk, with the legs cut short so my mistress could sit at it.
On the far wall were three bay-style windows, giving a view of the lake.
I stepped up to the study’s door, saw the orange light of sparklamps from under it. The
mistress was here. I knocked on the door with one knuckle.
“Come in.” I heard her say from inside.
I opened the door, stepped in, shut it softly behind me. I looked across the room, and there
she stood. Staring out the snow-lined window and into the night beyond, her hands folded
behind her back. Her dark wings spanned out a silhouette behind her. She wore a heavy dress,
covering all but her head and hands. It made her look like a life-sized doll, the kind that a girl my
age would pick up and squeeze to death for being so adorable.
She looked back at me, and she smiled.
“Sakuya,” said Remilia. “Come to spend time with an old midget on a blustery winter
evening?”
She looked neither old nor a midget. She looked like a girl of a twelve years who needed
someone to hold her and keep her warm. Appearances were deceiving. She ​was o ​ ld, older than
everyone else in the mansion combined, not including Flandre. And since the younger of the
Scarlet sisters may as well have been the age she looked, I didn’t count her.
“Yes,” I said, giving a slight bow. “If I’m not imposing.”
 “Of course you’re not,” she said. “One of these days, you’ll realize I enjoy your company. And
you brought tea.”
I walked to her side of the room and set the tea tray down on the desk, careful not to disturb
her stationery. She put a hand on the kettle.
“Ah,” she said. “Cold. Good.”
She closed her eyes, said something under her breath. There was a flash of scarlet light where
her fingers touched the kettle. She pulled her hand back, shaking it out. Steam rose from the
kettle’s spout.
“Nice and fresh this way,” she said. “So it doesn’t cool during the travel between the kitchen
and here.”
I could have ensured there was no travel time, but I didn’t say so.
“It’ll need a few minutes to steep, Mistress,” I said.
“That’s fine. We have things to talk about.” She went to the armchair and hopped up into it.
She flattened her wings carefully as she leaned back. She scooted her bottom back and forth,
getting comfortable in the overstuffed cushions.
“Patchouli came to see me,” she said.
My guts went cold. I had forgotten about Patchouli. My worry must have shown on my face.
The mistress gave one of her mischievous smiles, showing her sharp front teeth.
“Relax,” she said. “Take a seat, would you?”
I preferred to stay standing, but she was my mistress. I sat on the couch across from her. I
settled into the middle cushion with my hands in my lap. The couch felt endlessly wide on either
side of me, like sitting in a confessional pew. My sins to be judged.
“May I ask what Patchouli spoke to you about?” I said.
“You can,” said Remilia. “But I don’t think you need to. I haven’t seen her so upset in a long
time. She stomped in here, ranting about how her skills were unneeded. That she should become
a hermit in the woods and teach wild fairies how to do long division. I didn’t know what she was
talking about at first, and it took some time to calm her down. She left for bed not long before
you showed up.”
I swallowed, but said nothing. I couldn’t apologize, for that would be an admission of guilt. I
couldn’t ask why Patchouli had been upset, because that would imply that I didn’t already know.
“Speechless?” said Remilia. “I guess there isn’t anything to say. You mistreated her, but the
way she reacted was no better.” She looked across the room to the windows. “We’re all suffering
from cabin fever. My sister did the strangest thing earlier. She asked me if she and some of the
fairies could have a party in the music room.”
I felt my eyebrows rise. “Did she?”
Remilia nodded. “I was surprised at the idea. I suppose she enjoyed her birthday celebration,
and wanted to emulate it. But more surprising was that Flandre felt the need to ask permission.”
I had my mess-making culprit. “Very surprising.”
“I figured having fun wouldn’t hurt anything, so I let her have some food and wine.”
“Wine?” I said. “Is that appropriate for a girl Flandre’s....”
The last word of that sentence caught in my throat, for how ridiculous it sounded.
“Age?” said Remilia. “Five centuries, Sakuya. Much​ ​older than you, and I let you drink.”
 “Age and maturity are different,” I said. “The wine went to her head. I just finished quelling a
coup d'etat.”
Remilia rolled her eyes. “Ugh. Another one?”
“Worse than before,” I said. “She recruited China this time.”
“Well, that’s not hard. She’d be your slave if you use her real name. Did Lavatein do its job?”
“As well as it could. Flandre still thinks it makes her stronger, but it can’t hold her powers in
totally. She destroyed one of the observatory doors with a spell, and she made a terrible mess
out of the furniture.”
“That’s my sister.” Remilia shook her head. “Even with that artifact in hand, she can still
evocate. That girl needs to grow up before she burns my house down. Do you think the tea’s
ready?”
“Likely not, Mistress.”
“Pour some anyway,” she said. “I need something hot.”
I nodded, stood and went to the desk. I poured one cup and carried it to Remilia on a saucer.
She took it and sipped. She winced.
“Yuck,” she said. “Terrible. I should have let it sit longer.”
I thought it wise to keep silent. I stood by as she drank her tea, hands folded in front of me. I
forgot to sit down after handing her the saucer. It was my habit to stand by after serving. Not
because anyone ever told me to. It felt like what a good maid would do.
Remember before, I said it was hard for a short person to intimidate me. I forgot to add
something. It depends on which short person. The mistress was of a greater standing. She was
above all reproach, so my heart told me. But she had acted in a way which, if done by anyone
else, I would call a mistake. I had to bring that mistake to her attention. Not out of any
belligerence or desire to see her fault. Not because I felt any dislike for her or her house, but
because I loved both just that deeply.
My mistress and her mansion were my entire life. If I saw something wrong with either, my
duty as Lady Scarlet’s attendant demanded that I speak out. So I should. So I would.
I took a deep breath. Enough of convincing myself. I just had to do it.
“Mistress,” I said.
She looked up at me, smiled again. “Uh oh. I know that look. What’s bothering you?”
“Your sister,” I said. “She and the fairies made quite a mess in the music room.”
“I’m sorry,” she said. Sympathy, not apology. “I hope it wasn’t too much to clean up.”
“It’s not that. The food and drink they had. It hurt our stock in the pantry. We’re almost
completely out of meat. Our grains will last for a while, but there’s no new food coming into the
mansion. With the six of us and all the fairies, I don’t know....”
I lost my momentum. I could admonish her no further, no matter how gently.
Remilia’s smile faded. She set the tea saucer in her lap. “I didn’t know. I’ve trusted you to
manage our supplies for so long, I suppose I’ve come to take that for granted. How long do we
have?”
I thought it over. Tried to get a realistic estimate.
“Two weeks,” I said. “Maybe a month, if we ration.”
“A month?” she said. “That’s not long.”
“No, Mistress.”
 She stood, went over to the desk and set her tea on the tray. She stepped up to the windows,
staring out as she had when I came in.
“But it’ll sure feel like forever when we’ve got nothing to eat but rice,” she said. “I’d forgotten.
The situation is bad.”
Now I had done it. Soured the mistress’s mood. I should have kept my mouth shut.
“Maybe the weather will warm up soon,” I said. “Long winters have happened before.”
“This is more than a long winter. What month is it?”
“May, Mistress.”
“And who’s ever heard of winter lasting into May? A spring snow flurry is one thing.” She
pointed out the window. “But just look. It’s snowing more now than in January. It’s a foot and a
half deep out there. It’s so bad that none of us dare go outside. We’re all stuck indoors, driving
each other insane.”
She was quiet for a moment. A gust of wind pushed against the house. Big snowflakes flew
around out the windows, invisible in the night.
Remilia looked back at me. “I should show you something.”

---

The mistress had a key hanging from her neck by a leather lanyard. She used it to unlock the
bottom drawer of her writing desk, and brought out a new source of light. A small glass jar, its
neck plugged with a piece of cork. Resting inside the jar was a little pink flake, glowing bright
like a hundred hot wood embers concentrated into one. It cast a new layer of shadows around
the room, competing and mixing with the sparklamps.
I stared at the bottle and the light coming from inside it, my mouth hanging open slightly.
“What is that?” I said. “Some kind of magic?”
“Some kind, certainly.” Remilia set the bottle on her desk, taking a seat behind. “As for which
kind, we’re not sure.”
I looked up at her. “We?”
She nodded. “China found it by the front gate a few days ago, before the storm got this bad.
She said it came fluttering down with the snow. Even she couldn’t miss it, so much bright when
it’s so dim outside. She brought it in to Patchouli, who thought it volatile and bottled it.
Patchouli analyzed it, then brought it to me.”
I picked the glass up, getting a closer look at the lit pink thing inside. It was paper thin and
smaller than a coin. I brought it to my face. My eyes ached after being stuck in a dark mansion
all day. I forced myself to look, trying to see what the glow came from.
It looked like a cherry petal. Just like the millions that should be blossoming around the
valley this time of year. Gensokyo’s commoners called it ​sakura,​ in the tradition of their old
language.
“Did Patchouli have anything to say?” I said, setting the bottle down. I blinked the afterimage
from my eyes.
“Lots,” said Remilia. “You know her. But I’ll give you the abbreviated version. Do you know
why the four seasons happen?”
 “I think so,” I said. “It has to do with the earth and the sun. We go around the sun, but not in
a perfect circle. We’re farther away sometimes, and closer other times. Farther from the sun, it’s
winter. Closer to the sun, it’s summer.”
“Patchouli has a valid complaint about your study habits.” She smiled, again showing her
sharp incisors. “You’re half right. It’s true we’re in an elliptical orbit, but the difference in
distance means nothing to the already inconceivable space between our planet and the sun. It’s
the angle of sunlight that matters. Or that’s how it’s supposed to work. Gensokyo doesn’t seem to
follow those rules.”
She picked up the jar, twisting it around in one hand. Pink light spread over her face,
interrupted by the shadows of her fingers.
“We’ve never followed the rules,” she said. “Patchouli tells me that magic doesn’t exist outside
the Boundary, though I find that hard to picture. Not the lack of magic itself, but the sheer
disparity between two different kinds of nature.” She set the glass down, resting her hands on
the desktop. Drummed her fingers on the woodgrain. “It makes me think that Gensokyo isn’t
part of the outside world at all. That the Boundary isn’t really a boundary. Not a border, but a
separator. A gap.”
I shook my head. “I don’t understand.”
“Neither do I,” she said. “If we were part of the outside world, long winters like this wouldn’t
happen. The laws of physics would bring us to summer, just as always.”
“But we have our own laws?” I said.
“If you could call them ours. It’s more likely that we belong to them. Or to ​it. T ​ he law of
magic. The energy that magicians manipulate is the same that controls our cycles of night and
day, rain and shine, birds and bees, summer and winter. Theoretically, a very powerful mage
could alter those.” She nodded toward the cherry petal. “As shown here. This jar contains a small
amount of ​spring.​”
“Spring?” I said.
“That was my reaction too,” she said. “But that’s what Patchouli said. So what do we do about
it?”
“What ​can w ​ e do?” I said. “If I follow you, changing the weather would take an elementalist
far stronger than Patchouli. It makes Flandre’s spell from last summer look like nothing.”
“You’re right. This and that are disturbingly similar. If you want to see what would’ve
happened had Flandre not been stopped, just look outside. But thankfully, we got some outside
intervention.”
I tensed. I shouldn’t have mentioned last year’s sky mist. I wanted to keep that closed and
forgotten.
“Which makes me think we should look for help,” said Remilia. “Call for our allies. Put our
heads together and figure out what to do.” She hopped off her chair, walked around her desk and
stood before me. “I have a big favor to ask of you, Sakuya.”
Oh no. I didn’t want to hear this.
“I need you to bring Reimu here,” she said.
I my jaw was clenched. I was aware of my own breathing, and I felt my heartbeat thud in my
ears.
 “Why?” I said. It was all I could say without screaming into my mistress’s face. I wanted
absolutely nothing to do with that miko.
“Because I wish it,” she said. “Each of us in this mansion has their own way of solving
problems. But this unnatural winter needs more than my argument. More than Patchouli’s
analysis, or Koa’s kindheartedness, or China’s brute muscle, or your ruthlessness, or Flandre’s
breaking everything. We need some one like Reimu, who uses moral grounding.”
“Morals?” I said. “What does that have to do this?”
“Everything. Reimu feels a responsibility to do the right thing​, ​no matter how silly that
sounds. Like it or not, that attitude makes her able to solve problems bigger than she is.”
Remilia’s eyes lit for a moment, bright and bloody red. “You saw it firsthand.”
Yes. I did. The two days of my life I had tried hardest to forget. The near-murder of the two
people closest to me. The dirty shrine maiden came storming into my home, wrapped up in
bandages and clothes soaked in wine. Not to mention her irritating witch friend, with the empty
blonde head and ear-grating voice.
At this moment, I realized how much I hated those two. Never before had I ever thought to
use the word ​hate i​ n my feelings for them. But now, with my mistress asking the impossible of
me, the buried emotions came bubbling back up.
I wanted to kill them both. I wanted to put knives into them, feel them die under my hand.
Feel their blood come out. Feel their hearts stop, their lungs empty and never fill again.
I closed my eyes, beating down the murderous rage inside me. I couldn’t entertain those
thoughts. That was a different life. I wasn’t that Sakuya anymore.
“I don’t know if I can do what you ask,” I said, opening my eyes. “No one’s traveling anywhere
in this weather.”
“Patchouli can handle that,” said Remilia. “She’ll write up some spellcards to keep you warm
and help you through the snow. Most types of wild ​youkai​ won’t be roaming around in the cold.
The Hakurei Shrine is two days away by foot, so the going won’t be easy. But if we equip you
well, you’ll make it.”
“Why me?” I said. “If I leave this place—”
She cut me off. “Won’t be as clean for a few days, but we’ll survive. Somebody has to go. I
trust you more than Patchouli, and you’re smarter than China. Koa’s too frail for weather like
this. Flandre away from my supervision is out of the question, and I can’t take her with me. So
that leaves you.”
I couldn’t believe this. I was being ousted by my own mistress. How could she even ask this of
me?
Remilia took the glass jar off the table, held it up to me. The ​spring f​ luttered inside, soon
settling back to the bottom.
“Take this with you,” she said. “If you happen to meet Marisa while you’re there, have her
look at it. See if she comes up with anything different than Patchouli did.”
“Yes.” I pushed the word out. I took the jar, holding it loose in one hand. “Yes, Mistress.”
Remilia looked at me, silent. Her face showed some mix of displeasure and sadness. Then she
took my hand and tugged down on my arm. The gesture meant she wanted me to lean down to
her, which I did mechanically. Her nose almost touched mine, and her eyes looked right into me.
“You must hate me for making you do this,” she said, almost a whisper.
 “No!” I said. “I don’t hate—”
She put a finger on my lips, quieting me.
“Hush,” she said. “For what it’s worth, I’ll miss you. Each minute you’re gone, I’ll worry and
wonder if you’re all right. I’ll hate myself for sending you away, no matter how necessary it was.”
She closed her eyes, put her forehead to mine. “I will wait for you, and I will be here with open
arms when you return.”
I tried to say something, but the words caught in my throat. My eyes burned and watered, and
a rare thing happened.
I cried.
Chapter One

After a while, the cold stops being cold.

It always starts at the extremities. Your fingers and toes tingle. They’re too far from the heat
inside you. As punishment for being forced into the cold, they refuse to work. You can’t tie laces
on your dress or shoes, even if you’ve done the knots a thousand times. You have to walk with
each step with care, since your toes no longer help you balance.
Soon, your fingers and toes fail altogether. They’re only senseless fleshy lumps hanging off
your hands and feet. The cold moves in from there. Your ears and nose feel like they would
shatter if touched. Your body becomes a heavy suit around you.
Then you stop feeling cold. You stop feeling anything. There’s no more sky or ground. No
more wind whipping through your clothes, through your coat and scarf. The endless white field
of snow ceases to be an obstacle, looks inviting instead. A big fluffy bed of the warmest down.
You need to lay down and curl up in it, and know the most peaceful sleep.
And I would have. I would have.
“Hey, look! There’s someone in the snow over here.”
Had two monsters not ripped me away from my rest.
“Holy balonies! Sakuyas! What’s maid girls doing out heres?”
Their hands groping all over my useless body. Pulling me up. Their voices cracking through
my head like thunder and lightning.
“She’s totally out of it. We have to get her some place warm.”
I wanted to struggle. Break out of their grip and yell at them to leave me alone.
“Blood’s almost ice waters. Hope we’re not too lates.”
But absolute surrender is a two-edged blade. You can simply stop fighting, but you’re helpless
to someone who wants to rescue you.
“Let’s get her up to my place. Right now.”
“Read somewheres, when someone almost freezy-dies, should get naked under blankets with
thems. Share your body heats.”
“Um, no. I’m not getting naked with her anywhere, ever. Let’s just stick her under the ​kotastu.
That’s warmer than either of us.”
“Warmer than ​you, m ​ aybes.”

---

I drifted in black and empty dreams for a time. Very slowly, little by little, I came back to
myself.
 Smell was the first of my senses to return. The scent of worn mat flooring. The smell of an old,
heavy blanket that spent six months of the year in a closet. Wafting above those, the aroma of
cooking. Spices, herbs, grains and oils heated on a wood stove. The smells of someone’s home.
My sense of touch was next. I hurt everywhere. My bones throbbed in pain, itching down deep
where they couldn’t be scratched. My skin felt saggy, as if clinging to me like wet rags. My chest
ached with each rise and fall of breath. But it was all good pain. It meant I was still alive, and I
couldn’t help feeling happy.
That happiness quickly drowned in fear. I didn’t know where I was. I had to take in my
surroundings. Assess any possible threats. Then I noticed my ears were working, and had been
for a while. Someone’s voice making wordless music. She was humming a song I didn’t know.
I opened my eyes, seeing only a pointless blur. Shades of beige with fuzzy spots here and
there. I blinked a few times, taking in a deep breath and letting it out. My sight sharpened into
shapes I could define.
“Ah,” said the humming voice. “Sleeping beauty wakes.”
I felt a hand on my arm.
On my ​bare​ arm.
I started at the touch, and the hand pulled away. I lay under a low heated table, its blanket
covering me to the shoulder. I forced myself to sit up and look around, propping myself on the
tabletop. I was in an eastern-style home, what looked like the living room. The ceilings were low,
and the walls were hung with framed pictures and shelves holding up trinket decorations. A
large window to my right showed a black winter night beyond. There was an open doorway on
the far side of the room, which I guessed to led to the rest of the house.
All of this I noticed as an afterthought. None of it mattered compared to the person sitting at
the ​kotatsu ​with me. Of course it had to be ​her​. The miko’s accomplice. She who saw me that one
night.
“Marisa?” I said. Spoken with the reluctance of a fool who pinches himself to ensure he’s not
living a nightmare.
She smiled. “Good to see still alives, maid girls.” She glanced down at my chest. “Seeing a lot
of yous, in facts.”
I realized what my body had been telling me this whole time. I looked down at myself, saw my
bare breasts hanging over the table. I gasped, pulled the blanket over my chest.
“I’m naked!” I said. I glared at Marisa. “What did you do with my clothes?”
“Soaking wets,” she said. “Had to gets them off to warm you ups, so hung thems in Reimu’s
pantry to dries.”
“How dare you!” I said. “Strip me bare and take all my things. Go get them right now.”
Marisa’s smile was gone. She looked guilty and confused.
“But still wets,” she said. “Reimu’s got some old sacky clothes you can—”
“It’s not the clothes, you idiot! Where are the things I was carrying? My knives and the
spellcards? That little jar with the cherry petal?”
“Oh. Those thingies.” She pushed the blanket off her lap and stood. “Go get thems for yous.
Hang tights.”
I watched her pad out of the room, like a dejected house cat chased out of her master’s lap.
Seeing her stand up and walk away, I realized this was the first I had seen of her since last year.
She had gotten taller, and cut her hair down to neck length. Even under her heavy dress and
apron, I could see her body shaping like a woman’s. Her hips were a little wider, her waist
making an hourglass curve. But her chest was still flat, and probably would be forever.
It made me wonder. I had grown a year older, too. Had I developed from last summer? I
wouldn’t have noticed by myself. Everyone I live with stays the same in body, year after year.
I had a minute alone in the living room. The place was quiet around me. No wind blowing
against the house, and the sounds of cooking from the kitchen had stopped. Then came the
stomp stomp stomp​ of angry footsteps down the hall.
Another young woman came around the corner. She stood across the ​kotatsu,​ scowling down
at me. This girl was dressed in a shrine maiden’s simple clothes. Her black hair was tied behind
her head with wooden pins. Her eyes were dark and her skin was tan, like every other
plain-looking girl in Gensokyo.
“Reimu,” I said.
She put her hands on her hips. She too had become more womanly since I had last seen her.
She had something of a bosom, which does no good for a miko. She only flattened it in a cloth
sarashi ​wrap under her blouse.
“Don’t you ​Reimu​ me, you ungrateful wench,” she said. “Marisa just ran out of here on the
verge of tears. What did you say to her?”
“Nothing,” I said. “I just asked her to fetch my things.”
“Sure you did. This coming from a person whose ​ask p ​ robably includes death threats and
blackmail. If it weren’t for Marisa, you’d be dead in the snow by now. I sure wouldn’t risk my
neck to drag you up a mountain all by myself. The minute she comes back in here, you’re
apologizing to her. Understand?”
I said nothing. Reimu and I stared each other in the eye. She, fully clothed and upright. Me,
nude and clutching a blanket to my chest. Neither of us blinked. I could do it now, I thought. I
​ ehind her and snap her neck.
could ​shift b
But that wasn’t why I was here. My capacity was in representing my mistress, Lady Scarlet.
Diplomacy was needed. I swallowed.
“Yes,” I said.
Reimu eased, her arms relaxing at her sides. “Good. Stay under the table and keep warm.
Dinner will be ready soon.” She turned to walk out, but glanced at me over her shoulder.
“Don’t make me regret turning my back on you,” she said, and disappeared around the
corner.

---

Again, I was alone. I looked out the window, still seeing nothing outside. The persistent cloud
cover blocked the stars and moon, casting pitch black night over Gensokyo. I saw no sky, no
trees, no mountains in the distance. I didn’t know how late it was, but it didn’t matter. I was
stuck at the shrine for a while, like it or not. I was in no condition to travel.
Marisa came in, carrying a bundle of cloth. She crossed the room and sat down beside me,
eager to get back under the ​kotastu.
 “Not really the fashions,” she said, setting the clothes on the table. “But betters than butt
hanging outs. Want me to leaves?”
I shook my head. “You’ve already seen me naked.”
Even so, I put on the shirt first to keep my chest exposed for a minimal time. I had to smooth
my hair down after pulling the shirt over my head. It was a plain, sackcloth blouse that Reimu
might have worn on her frumpier days. I imagined it would rest baggy on her, since it fit snuggly
on me. The same went for the pants, which I slid into while staying under the ​kotastu. I​ wished I
had some underwear. The rough cloth ground against my sensitive places, especially my nipples.
But Marisa was right. It was better than running around in the buff.
“Thank you,” I said, once dressed.
“Welcomes,” she said. “And got your stuffs.”
Out from the pockets on her apron, she brought my remaining possessions and set them on
the table. Two steel throwing knives, my initials etched into each one’s base. A small leather
leaflet, containing the spellcards my mistress had sent with me. Most importantly, the vial that
held the ​spring e​ ssence. The glowing cherry petal rested inside, casting its cheery pink light over
the room.
I reached for the knives and spellcards, took them into my lap. I left the bottle on the table.
Remilia had instructed me to show the ​spring t​ o Marisa, and so I would.
“Pretty little things,” she said, nodding to the jar. “You know what it is?”
“No,” I said. “It’s obviously magical, but that’s all I know.”
“Too bads. Found one of my owns. Hopings you could clue me ins.”
My heart pounded once. I leaned forward, hands on the table. “You did? Where? Do you still
have it?”
“Nopes. Found its on my front doorsteps. Glowing cherry petals, just like this ones. Though
more whites, I thinks. Tried to pick it ups, along with some snows. But snows melted and petal
disappeared in my hands.” She closed her eyes and sighed, as if recalling some happy memory.
“Too bads, toos. Felt really warm all overs. Use more of thats in winter times.”
“Yes,” I said. Especially since these cherry petals were the very reason for the long winter. Or
so I had understood, from what Remilia told me.
Marisa opened her eyes. “So came to ask Reimus. Not to mentions was kind of running out of
foods. And she’s got this things.” She patted the ​kotastu.​ “Reimu saw a petals too, drifting in her
courtyards. Like mines, disappeared when she touched its. Weird yours didn’t, thoughs.”
“I haven’t touched it directly,” I said. “Our door guard is the one who found it.”
“Reallies?” Marisa smiled. “How is muscley China girls doings?”
“She’s fine.”
“Hope not still holdings grudge on Reimus.”
“No,” I said. “She has a hard time remembering yesterday, let alone last year.”
“Good to hears.”
Silence. I looked down at the spring in a bottle, letting its pink light fill my eyes. I had to say
something, but my heart threatened to climb into my neck and throttle me before I spoke. I am
Lady Scarlet’s maid. Such a person apologizes to no one. But that very position demanded it of
me, by my mistress’s order.
I swallowed.
 “Marisa,” I said, “I’m sorry for snapping at you.”
“Snapping at mees?” she said, looking surprised. “Oh, yeahs. No worries. If someone dug ​me
out of freezers and stripped me to bubbies, I’d be in bad mood toos.”
I had no reply. If she was going to pretend my words hadn’t hurt her, what was the point of
apologizing? I would have felt better to get a ​Good, you should be sorries, meanie Sakuyas.​ Or
at least a grudging, ​Apology accepteds, but be nicer from now ons.
Reimu came, carrying a big tray loaded with food and drink. She tried not to show it, but I
could see that smug look under her face. The satisfaction of witnessing me choke down my
pride. She had heard me say sorry to Marisa.
I hated her.

---

​ nd setting the tray down. “Sorry I don’t

“Dinner’s ready,” said Reimu, sitting at the ​kotastu a
have any meat left. We’ll have to do with this.”
Thoughts of petty bickering left me, seeing and smelling the food. My stomach ached. One big
bowl of steaming rice, another of vegetable medley, a third of noodles. Reimu gave us each a
smaller bowl along with a pair of chopsticks. She poured tea for all three of us, as was proper for
a hostess. She and Marisa dished up, taking clumps of noodles and chunks of vegetable into
their bowls.
They wielded their chopsticks with careless ease, having used them their whole lives.
I looked down at my dishes, and felt my gut sink.
“Can I have a fork?” I said.
“I gave you chopsticks,” said Reimu. Her tone saying, ​What more could you possibly want?​
I said nothing. I took the sticks in my right hand, trying to mimic how Marisa and Reimu held
theirs. One slipped from between my fingers, fell and clattered on the table. I picked it up and
tried again, barely keeping my hold on it. I reached forward, aiming for a piece of steamed
broccoli. I pinched it between the two wooden tips and lifted it out of the bowl. It was already
slipping. I rushed my hand back to get the broccoli to my mouth, but I wasn’t fast enough. The
vegetable plopped on the table.
Marisa slapped a hand over her mouth, but couldn’t stop herself from laughing.
“You’re a maid and you can’t use chopsticks?” said Reimu.
“My mistress prefers flatware,” I said. I took one stick and impaled the piece of broccoli,
stabbing through it. I lifted it to my mouth, bit the broccoli off the end.
“Heres. Let me show yous.” Marisa reached out to me, presumably to take my hand in hers.
She never got that far. My other hand flew up reflexively, smacking hers away. She pulled back.
It took me one second to realize what I had done. Reimu and Marisa stared at me, both
looking hurt and surprised.
“That was rude!” said Reimu. “She was trying to help.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. It took no coaxing to get an apology out of me this time. “I want to learn
this myself.”
“Oh, no hard feelings,” said Marisa. “Can respect thats. But look at this.”
 She took her bowl in hand and held it toward the center of the table. There she could shovel
rice out of the serving bowl and into hers.
“Less travel times this ways,” she said. She brought the bowl back and held it just under her
face, where she could stuff her mouth with a snap of her wrist. “And don’t spill so muches if hold
like this.”
“All right,” I said, following her example. I was used to western-style dining. I should have
known better on my own, but I wasn’t too proud to take advice. It was that or eat with my bare
hands. And I will never, ever eat with my bare hands.
The room fell quiet but for the pattern of noise at a dinner table. Dishes clinking, people
chewing and swallowing. I had no time to notice whether the silence was awkward or not. I was
too busy eating every bit I could take before seeming glutinous. I thought I had kept myself
well-nourished on the way here, often drinking and eating the supplies my mistress had sent
with me. Even when my body began to shut down, I still force-fed myself bits of trail mix every
few steps. The cold had taken from me more than I realized.
“Sakuya,” said Reimu, breaking the silence. “You mentioned your mistress a minute ago.”
I looked up from my food. “Yes?”
“Did Remilia send you?” she said.
Behind what she said, I heard the unspoken question loud and clear. We all knew I wouldn’t
have come by my own choice. We knew who had sent me. The real question was, ​Why are you
here​?
I set down my bowl and chopsticks. Time for diplomacy.
“She did,” I said. “My mistress asks that you come to the Scarlet Mansion.”
Reimu blinked. “Me? What for? More family members need stabbing?”
I wanted to spit a very harsh reply at that. But this was business. I had to be professional.
“No,” I said. “She would like to meet with Marisa and yourself to discuss the weather.”
Marisa smiled. “Weathers? Remis wants to small talks?”
I shook my head. My hair felt too messy on my head. “She suspects the long winter is foul
play. Likely a powerful magician is causing it either for his own gain, or to hurt Gensokyo. Using
her words, my mistress wants to call in her allies and figure out what to do.”
“I’m an ally?” Reimu pointed to herself. “And what makes Remilia think there’s someone
behind this?”
I looked at the small glass on the table, now standing among a tray full of half-empty dishes.
The ​spring i​ nside had stayed still and bright during our meal.
“That,” I said. “These petals are concentrated ​spring ​essence, according to my mistress. The
same energy that changes seasons in Gensokyo.”
Marisa’s eyebrows went up, and she whistled a low note. “Wowies. That’s big-league magics.”
“So I’m told,” I said. “But we don’t know where these petals come from, or why.”
“Got somethings for that, maybes,” said Marisa. “Recently learned a cognation spells. Traces
connections between things. Good for finding lost stuffs. Like with some Sakuya’s blood or
fingernail clippies, could track down whole Sakuyas.”
“So you can find where the petals are from?” I said.
 “Think sos. But kind of riskies. Just barely learned the spells, so not very good with its. Could
blow up in our faces. And cognations works both ways. Could lead us to whoever’s freezing
Gensokyos, but might lead him to us. Like putting up a big ​Hey come and kill us please​ signs.”
“But that’s just what I want,” I said. “If we can bring the magician here, we don’t have to waste
time hunting him down.”
“Yeah,” said Reimu. “If you can really do that, Marisa, then you should. I don’t want to bring
any big bad seasonal warlocks to my shrine, but I can’t see any better choices. I’m sick to death
of wearing three comforters to bed when summer’s supposed to start.”
I regarded Reimu. I would have expected her to complain, but she didn’t. She agreed with me.
I almost wanted to thank her.
She met my eyes. “Don’t look at me like that. It’s not like I have anything to lose. If Marisa
summons something nasty, I just have to stand back and let you handle it.”
I wasn’t sure how to take that. It sounded something like a compliment. Sakuya, the
invincible killing machine.
“Can do its right nows,” said Marisa. She reached out and grabbed the ​spring ​bottle.
I held up a hand. “Wait. We’re missing something.”
Both girls paused, looked at me.
“You’re not the first mage to see this petal,” I said to Marisa. “Both Patchouli and Remilia
studied it before giving it to me. They’ve been doing magic longer than all three of our lives put
together. If we could use a simple spell to find the petal’s origin, why didn’t they already try
that?”
That stopped Marisa. She still had the ​spring ​in hand, but lowered it to her lap.
“They didn’t mention it to you?” said Reimu.
I shook my head again. “I never heard the word ​cognation ​before Marisa said it just now.”
“So what do we doos?” said Marisa.
I folded my arms, lowered my head.
“I don’t know.”

---

You’re no fool, Sakuya.

I hoped Patchouli was right. I knew what I ​wanted t​ o do, but that didn’t make it the smartest
thing. I had to think this through.
I couldn’t believe that two powerful, experienced mages would overlook something suggested
by Marisa, our favorite bubble-headed witch. If my mistress and Patchouli hadn’t used a seeking
spell, it meant the spell wasn’t worth using. But why? Were they worried about the very danger
Marisa had mentioned? Attracting the climate-changing magician who had caused this?
That made a little sense, but not much. The residents of the Scarlet Mansion were the
mightiest beings I knew of. None of us wanted our house broken, but we weren’t cowards. If
something threatened our home, we would summon it forth and face it head on.
Really? What about the Scarlet Sister?
 I stopped. We hadn’t faced Flandre’s problem head on. We did the exact opposite. We buried
her and tried to forget her. But that situation was different. It didn’t compare to today’s
problems.
It’s the exact same thing. If the know-it-all Lady was willing to ignore t​ hat​ problem, what’s
keeping her from ignoring this one?
I shook my head. I was doubting my mistress, and myself for trusting her. Foolish. Remilia
knew better than me. She was older and wiser and stronger than me. She knew what she was
doing.
Wrong. She never knew what she was doing. She took the easiest path, to save face and
avoid pain. She’s even admitted it, though not to her maid. No matter if that maid had
faithfully served her whole life. Remilia confessed her mistakes to a pair of strangers. How
does that feel?
“Sakuya?” said Reimu. “Are you okay?”
My head snapped up. I noticed I hadn’t been breathing, and I inhaled sharply. My heart beat
hard to make up for it. I looked at Marisa.
“Cast the spell,” I said.
“You sures?” she said, still holding the ​spring i​ n her lap.
“Yes,” I said. “I don’t know why Remilia and Patchouli didn’t do it themselves. But I know
this. I hate every second that passes with Gensokyo buried in snow when ​sakura​ should be
blossoming. If there’s a chance I can help, even a small one, I have to take it.”
The two girls exchanged glances, nodded to each other. They looked to me with determined
smiles. We agreed. For a rare moment, I was proud of them both.
“Bravely spoken,” said Reimu. “Let’s do it.”

---

Dinner was done. Reimu cleared the table, taking the dishes back to her kitchen. She returned
to the front room, where she and I stood to the side, giving Marisa the floor space. She stood in
the middle of the room, like a performer who had just stepped on stage.
“This’ll be good chances to show off latest creations.” She put a hand in her pocket, and kept it
there as if holding something. “Have a neighbor in the Forest of Magics. She taught me this
spells, but learned other stuffs from her toos. Basic concepts of pre-made ​foci, m​ ostly known as
spellcards​ to people like Sakuyas—”
I ​hmphe​ d.
“—can use thems for lots of stuffs. Spellcards are limiteds, made out of papers, can only use
them one times. But get something toughers and enchant with general instructions, get
something versatile and handies. Take a looks!”
She took the thing out of her pocket, held it up for us to admire. It was a small wooden
octagon. About three inches in diameter and two inches deep, it fit well in the palm of Marisa’s
hand. Its sides were etched with runes of the old language, none of which I could read. On each
of its eight corners, thin strips of metal were bolted to the wood by tiny studs. I knew too little
about magic to understand this thing’s worth, but I had to admire the craftsmanship.
 “Beholds!” said Marisa. “​Hachi Kakaikero,​ Eighth Furnace of Divinations. Call it ​Hakero f​ or
shorts.”
Reimu was shaking her head. “You come up with the dumbest names for things.”
“Ah, but what’s in a names, oh Reimus of little faiths? Gonna use ​Hakero​ heres for cognation
spells. Designed it for combat magics, but works for this toos. Now give me your hairs.” She held
out her free hand.
Neither Reimu or I moved. Did she just ask for our hair?
“Come ons,” she said, making a ​gimme gimme ​gesture. “Spell works betters with three
people’s hearts in one places. All want to finds bad weather-mages, rights? One eaches.” She
took a loose strand of blonde hair between her thumb and forefinger, tugged it free of her head.
She laid the strand in her palm and held it out, inviting us to join her.
“Fine,” said Reimu. She plucked a hair of her own and laid it in Marisa’s hand.
“This better work,” I said, doing the same. I ignored the pinprick of pain on my scalp.
“Goodies,” said Marisa, now holding three strands all roughly the same length. One golden
yellow, one charcoal black, and one clean white.
“Are you sure that’s your natural color?” Reimu asked me.
“You saw for yourself,” I said.
I wasn’t looking at her, but I felt the blush heat from Reimu’s face. I tried not to smile.
“Still have the cherry petals, Sakuyas?” said Marisa.
“Yes.” I handed the vial to her. The cherry petal lit the room pink once more.
“Let’s begins.” Marisa stepped back and set her ​Hakero ​down in the middle of the floor. She
stood the ​spring j​ ar on top of it. Then she carefully rolled the three strands of hair between her
fingers. The hairs twisted and braided together, like a miniature rope. She tugged it from either
end, testing the tensile strength.
“Perfects,” she said. “Nice strong hairs come from healthy girls.”
Reimu glanced at my chest. “Some healthier than others.”
I gave her a sideways​ shut your mouth l​ ook.
Marisa ignored us. She worked her craft, sitting cross-legged on the floor. With some nimble
fingers, she got the hair string tied around the neck of the ​spring j​ ar. She lifted the glass off the
Hakero​. Hanging from the string, the ​spring e​ ssence swung an inch above the ​Hakero​’s top
face.
“Here goes.” Marisa took in a deep breath, let it out slowly. Her eyes closed. She lowered her
free hand to the ​Hakero,​ her fingers spread out as if she meant to grab it. But her hand stayed
still, and she didn’t touch the magical block directly.
“​Tenji kigen,​ ” she whispered. “​Tenji kigen. Show your origins.”​
A blue aura bled off the ​Hakero’​ s metal edges, along with a low ringing sound. The light was
small and weak compared to the cherry petal above it. But the petal reacted to the new power. It
leaped inside the glass, swirled around like a firefly trapped in a bottle. The petal darted back
and forth, up and down, rattling the jar around it, as if trying to break free. Marisa’s hands
trembled. Her face grimaced with effort. She clenched her jaw and inhaled through her teeth.
“​Hold stills!​ ” she hissed.
The cherry petal did anything but hold still. Its light flared, brightening the room like the
daytime sun. Marisa squealed in surprise, as her magical senses told her what we saw a second
later. The ​spring ​essence burst, shattering the glass around it. The petal was in open air, floating
up to the ceiling.

---

I had no time, so I allowed no time to pass. I ​shifted,​ and the room became absolutely still.
Reimu stood with her hand over her face, guarding her eyes from the light. She looked as if
frightened of someone hitting her. Marisa sat on the floor, holding one hand up near her ear
with her fingers splayed. The look on her face might have been worth a laugh any other time, like
she had just smelled rotten cheese or heard a bad joke. Glass shards from the broken bottle
paused in mid-explosion, ready to scatter over her dress.
Most importantly, the cherry petal hung in air about a foot below the ceiling. I stepped up to
it, careful to keep my legs away from any part of the shattered jar. Standing under the ​spring
essence, I held both hands up toward it. I made sure to keep some distance, for my ​shift​ won’t
affect objects that touch me or are very close. The petal was lighter than a feather, and the air
moved by my hands would send it fluttering around the room. I didn’t want to go chasing after
it.
Posed under the ​spring, ​I let the ​shift​ go. Movement came back to the room. Reimu lowered
her hand, noticing I no longer stood beside her. Marisa scooted back from the exploding bottle,
covering her face. The glass shards pelted her apron and blouse, but didn’t cut her anywhere.
“What the heck just happened?” said Reimu.
No one answered her. All my attention was on the petal above me. It floated higher, like a
dust bunny chased up by a gust of wind, but didn’t quite touch the ceiling. I stayed under it,
taking steps back and to the side. Gravity finally took hold. The petal drifted downwards. I made
a cup with my hands, and the ​spring ​settled into it.
“Got it!” I said. I meant to say more, meant to close my hands around the petal and keep it
still. I never got a chance. Spring flooded through me. The cherry petal touched my skin, and I
was gone.
Chapter Two

I can’t explain what happened next, because I don’t rightly know.

It frustrates me to hear people who talk about extraordinary things, but are too lazy to
describe them. They weasel out, saying their experience defies human understanding, or is
beyond description, or is greater than we can imagine. Such people should have their tongues
sliced out, because they obviously have no use for that soggy flap of meat in their mouths.
Claiming something to be above words is worse than not mentioning it at all. We have only
words to communicate, so words we must use. Indescribable things do exist, so we must try that
much harder to make spoken language work for us. We don’t always succeed, but trying and
failing is far better than abandoning your audience to wonder what they’re supposed to be
impressed about.
I’ll make that attempt here. I give you advance warning. My description of it is inadequate.
But that doesn’t free me from the duty of trying.
I had ​shifted​ Reimu’s living room into stillness and put myself under the cherry petal, hoping
to catch it falling once I released the ​shift​. I caught it, and there my perceptions ended.
A person has no sense of the world when he sleeps, but still feels time passing. He knows he
awoke later than when he went to bed. How long the interval was, he’s not sure. Whether it was
minutes or hours or days, he can only tell by the world he awakes to.
I had the same feeling, just after I touched the ​spring e​ ssence. I was removed from the world
for a while. It was too familiar of the time just before it. The gap between lying down in the
snowy foothills, and awakening naked under Reimu’s ​kotatsu.​ I felt every bit as naked now, and
feared waking to the same surroundings. Or something worse.
Maybe it wasn’t just ​near ​death this time. I was in this timeless emptiness forever.
That thought deepened my fear into terror. It shook me into some kind of life, though I don’t
know where I stood on the balance board between life and death. At very least, I was aware
again. I tried to take in my surroundings.
The first thing I learned was that I ​had​ no surroundings. I don’t mean to say I was in empty
space, because that implies there was room for anything to exist outside me. There wasn’t. I was
all there was.
 Second, I realized that my definition of ​me ​was no longer accurate. I thought of myself as a
woman, young by some standards but no worse for that youth. I knew I was Remilia Scarlet’s
servant, and that I loved her. I knew I was human, but tall for my age and colored differently
than other humans. This self-perception made certain assumptions about what kind of object
Sakuya Izayoi was. It implied she was a being of physical flesh, a thing restricted by friction and
gravity and time, even if she could bend some of those rules.
Now, none of those things applied at all. I had no body for them to apply to. No eyes to roll
around and tell me how light or dark the environment. No head for a pair of eyes to rest in. No
arms or legs to move me, or bones to keep me up. Again, having any of those things assumes
you’re where matter exists. I wasn’t. I had gone outside.
With that thought, another came right after. Outside what? Where was I? How had I gotten
here?
As if in response to those questions, I saw something. Of course, saying I ​saw​ it is incorrect in
the literal sense. Saying that I ​perceived​ is closer, and saying that ​it was presented to my
understanding​ is even better. For ease of communication, let the term​ see s​ tand for those
meanings for now.
The thing I saw, for lack of a better word, was Gensokyo. I saw a land so massive that it filled
my perception totally. Had I still a body, I would fear the land crushing me or squeezing me out
of existence. I marveled that something so large and myself could both be at the same time.
Once more as if in response to my concerns, I saw that many beings like myself coexisted with
Gensokyo. They lived ​on ​Gensokyo in one sense, and lived ​in G ​ ensokyo in another sense. It took
me a moment to understand, but I realized these beings were humans and ​youkai. I​ didn’t learn
anything about them, except that they were.
I wanted to know more, and an answer came to that want. I could go anywhere in Gensokyo. I
could burrow deep underground and feel magical energy thrumming in the earth. I could soar
through the sky and smell the same power sizzling in the air. I could delve into the mountains
and hear the lodes singing with it. I could dive into the deepest waters and taste the liquid dance
of it. Or I could go closer to the living things, to the people and monsters, and see the magic in
their lives.
I wanted all of it. I wanted to do everything at once, and each one at a time. But something
stopped me. Before I rushed into Gensokyo to experience its life, I saw that life was unwell. A
human with a fever might be either little warm and fatigued, or burning sick and close to death.
Gensokyo was somewhere on that scale. I didn’t know how bad it was, but I knew the creatures
suffered from their country’s illness. People were starving and freezing. Animals were
hibernating too long. Even ​youkai ​hurt, strongest becoming irritable and frightened, and the
weakest dying.
I saw where this sickness came from. A part of Gensokyo’s life was being taken from it.
In Gensokyo, as in all things, two multifaceted aspects worked with and against each other.
The forces of fire and water. Heat and cold. Activity and stillness. Work and rest. Male and
female. ​Yang​ and ​yin.​ Usually, these two were present in equal and cycling amounts, and all was
well. But something was destroying that balance, and Gensokyo was dying.
A fierce new desire came from within me, far stronger than the wish to play in the magic of
the land. With a voice I that didn’t know I had, I yelled.
 “I want to know what happened to the spring!”
Everything shuttered at my cry, as if I were suddenly the larger thing and Gensokyo was the
smaller. My desire carried me, and I began to move. I couldn’t tell where I was going, but I went
there in a hurry. The word ​speed​ can’t convey how fast I traveled. So fast that I soon left
Gensokyo behind, and came to another place.

---

This new place was very different from the non-being I had just left. There was space around
me, and I thought there might be matter in that space, but I couldn’t see anything. There was no
shape or definition or texture. Only color. All was pink in varying shades, with little rivulets of
blue running through in a random tangle.
I heard the voice.
“Oh, look at you. What a strange ghost.”
The voice was immense and powerful. My own yell moments ago seemed like an insect’s
sneeze compared to a war horse’s neigh. It sent tremors through me, threatened to shatter me or
tear me apart. I looked around, searching for the voice’s source. The speaker didn’t hide from
me.
“I’m over here, if you can see me,” the voice said. “Though maybe you can’t. You’re very
shady. You’ve got some mighty love keeping you going, but a lot of fear and anger burdens you.”
I wanted to respond to the voice. Ask who it was, and rebuke it for making judgments on me. I
wanted to demand where Gensokyo’s spring was, and that it be returned. My voice was below
hearing, even to myself. I may as well have been whispering into a blizzard.
“I’m sorry,” said the voice. “I can’t hear you. But I can sense your feelings. It’s a wonder. How
did a shade like you come here? Haven’t seen your like in Hakugyokuro for a long, long time.”
The voice’s owner came closer. I could feel the presence nearing me, though I saw nothing but
pink and blue. I tried to pull back, shy away and hide, but I had nowhere to go. The voice’s
owner examined me. Not thinking me good or bad, but simply curious.
“Ah, I see,” said the voice. “You’re not a ghost at all, are you? You haven’t died. You’ve got a
breathing body back in Gensokyo somewhere. But how did you leave the flesh without dying?
Only one person I know can do ​that​ little trick, and you’re no half-ghost yourself.”
I wanted to shout at her, Enough! Tell me what happened to the spring!
“Uh oh. You’re upset. Well, that’s to be expected, being so far away from home and all. But
don’t you worry. I’ll send you back. Take care not to stray from the mortal self again. Life is
meant for living. I don’t want to see you back here for a good long time. Be well!”
Something slammed me backwards, pushing me away from the pink and blue. I struggled
against it, like walking upstream in a raging river. I had no hope of winning. It carried me out of
that place, and I traveled back even faster than I come. The return trip seemed instantaneous,
and I didn’t stop once there. I fell into Gensokyo, dropping from the highest part of the sky like a
shooting star. I fell and fell, and saw I’d hit ground somewhere near the feet of the mountains.
On a plot of land that had been leveled to build a shrine. Within that shrine, maybe in the front
room where three people had recently eaten dinner at the ​kotatsu.​
 I fell through the roof. For an instant, I saw my unconscious self from above, like a child who
jumps from a tree branch and sees the ground below before he lands. I was in a fetal ball on my
side, my long legs curled up to my chest. I still wore the sackcloth clothes. My hair was a mess. I
needed a bath.
Seeing myself, I had time enough for one thought.
Look how ugly I am.
Then I crashed back into my body.

---

My eyes snapped open, and I gasped in a breath. I sat up so fast that I doubled over, desperate
to know where I was.
I was still in Reimu’s house, now wrapped in a futon on the living room floor. Layers of extra
blankets were stacked over me, keeping warm against the cold innards of the shrine. The room
was dark, except for a faint light coming from the ​kotatsu​. I had to blink a few times before I
understood what I saw.
Marisa sat at the far side of the ​kotatsu,​ scraps of paper laid out before her on the table. Her
Hakero s​ at on the tabletop like a centerpiece, a small white point above it lighting the room. Its
color turned Marisa’s face and hair pale, making her look ghostly. She noticed I was awake.
“You’re backs,” she said quietly, as if to respect the silence of the house. “Feeling okays?”
I wasn’t doing this again. Waking up to her watching over me, having to trade idiotic
pleasantries. I tore my way free of the futon, throwing the blankets aside. I stood and stalked
over to the ​kotatsu. ​I​ ​ignored the cool air going through my clothes and sapping the heat from
me. I was hot inside, no longer weak or shaky from my brush with hypothermia. I had more than
regained whatever the cold had taken from me.
I looked down on Marisa, wondering what to do. What to say. After returning from wherever I
had just been, I couldn’t lie down and go back to sleep. I had to do something. Had to clean
myself out. Had to peel off the festering bandage off my life and pour disinfectant into the
wound beneath.​ E ​ ven if it would hurt.
Because​ it would hurt.
“Where’s Reimu?” I said, keeping my voice low.
“Went to beds,” said Marisa. “You passed out for a whiles, after grabbing the petals. Shoved
you in a futons and buried yous to keep from getting cold agains. Told Reimus she could go
sleeps, since you seemed probably okays, and I would keep eyes on yous.”
I looked down at my hands, then around the room. “Where’s the ​spring​?”
“Gones, I thinks. Disappeared like mine and Reimu’s dids.” She hung her head. “Sorries. My
spell didn’t works.”
I didn’t know. Her spell had sure done something. It might have worked better than any of us
imagined it could. But I didn’t say so. I had no idea how to put it to words, so I didn’t try.
Instead, I sat down, covering my legs under the ​kotastu.​ The papers on the table were the
spellcards Patchouli had written. I looked up from them, forcing eye contact with the girl sitting
across from me.
“Marisa.” I gripped the edge of the table and leaned forward. “When did we first meet?”
 She blinked. “Whats?”
“Just that,” I said. “When you and Reimu came to the Scarlet Mansion? When Patchouli sent
you to meet me in the observatory?”
She opened her mouth as if to say ​yes, b ​ ut she stopped. She put a hand over her mouth and
looked away. She knew what I was talking about.
“No,” she whispered.
I nodded. “That’s right. You saw me before.”
Her hand left her mouth, slowly became a fist that she held to her breast. She took a deep
breath, tried to let it out smoothly. But I could hear the tremor. I could see the faint tremble in
her shoulders. I could smell the worry that predators are born to hunt.
She was scared of me.
“That poor persons,” she said. “The one you....” She closed her eyes, finding her words. “The
one you put in the carts.”
My heart was picking up. Not from fear, but from ​lust.​ The wild joy a hunter knows when
chasing its prey.
“Yes. But you caught me off guard.” I felt my face widening into a smile. “First time ever. You
should be proud. Did you keep the knife?”
She shook her head. “Showed it to Reimus. Convinced her to go to Remi’s houses. She
stabbed China girls with its.”
Laughter came up from my belly and sputtered out my mouth. My own knife! I didn’t know
whether that was fitting or ironic. Poor Meiling seemed doomed to lose to my knives, in or out of
my hands. And even better, that same knife struck down Reimu her Holiness. How perfect!
“It’s not funnies,” said Marisa.
Her saying that only made me laugh harder. I folded my arms on the table and put my head
down on them, my body jerking in laughter.
“Stop it!” Marisa yelled, pounding her fist down on the table.
My humor ran dry all at once. I looked up at her, and saw something I had never imagined
seeing. She still shook, worse than before, but no longer from fear. Her brow was down in a
mean scowl. What a strange thing to behold.
Marisa Kirisame was angry.
“How dare yous,” she said, her voice trembling. “Laugh like thats. Laugh at hurting peoples.”
“I have to laugh, or lose my mind.” I pulled myself out from under the ​kotastu,​ and I stood.
“Don’t get defensive. I won’t hurt either you or Reimu, unless you give me a reason to.” I turned
my back to her, went to the mess of futon and blankets in the middle of the floor. “I’m going to
bed. Goodnight.”
“Sakuyas.”
I glanced back at her, giving her a ​what now?​ look.
“Was that the last times?” she said.
“The last time what?”
“The last person you killed.”
I looked forward again, facing away from the light. I tensed all over. My hands pulled into
fists. The ​spring f​ ire inside me burned hot and bright. I wanted to scream at her, ​I did nothing
wrong! I did what I had to! Don’t you even judge me!
 But saying such would avoid her question, a cowardly thing to do. I can’t stand cowardice,
least of all from myself. So I let the truth be.
“Yes,” I said.
I wasn’t looking at her, but I felt her nodding at me.
“Goods,” she said. “But stills. Me and Reimus don’t trust yous. We can’t, you knows.”
“I never asked for your trust,” I said. “But the lack of it doesn’t stop Reimu from bringing me
into her home. Feeding me. Giving me a warm place to sleep. I could have killed you both so
many times since I came here.”
“We knows. But some things’re more important than trusts. Like saving lives. Even if it risks
your owns.”
“That makes you such a good person, doesn’t it?”
“Just a persons.”
“No. It makes you a fool.” I knelt down into the wad of bedding, began folding myself into it.
“You two should have left me in the snow.”
“How can you say thats? You ​want t​ o dies?”
I didn’t answer. I curled up in the futon, facing away from Marisa. I feared she might say
something more, but she didn’t. She went back to studying the spellcards.
After a while, the light on the ​Hakero​ went out, leaving the room in perfect dark. I heard
rustling and shuffling, the sounds of Marisa tucking herself under the ​kotastu​ and drifting off to
sleep.
I closed my eyes and tried to do the same.

---

I failed miserably. I had enough sleep this evening. I couldn’t convince my body or mind that I
needed more.
When it’s so dark that opening my eyes makes no difference versus keeping them shut, I find
myself paying more attention to my other senses. The feel of my clothes and blankets. My heart
pumping in my chest. Any sound my ears could detect. My own breathing. Marisa’s breathing
across the room. Hers was lighter and more even than mine, making a soft wheeze on each
exhale. Some might of found that noise cute, but it grated on my ears.
I thought I was dreaming when I heard a new sound. A familiar sound, the ​crrrmp crrrmp o ​ f
fresh snow compacting under someone’s feet.
I brought a hand to my face, felt the texture of my palm and fingers against my cheek. I wasn’t
dreaming. I sat up as well as I could under all the blankets, looking in the direction I heard the
noise from. I saw something to confirm it. Light came in through the front window. It was too
faint to have meant anything during the day, but it was plenty bright in a black night like this. It
was snowing again. I could see pinpoint flakes wafting down outside.
I tossed aside the blankets and crawled over to the window. Crouching under the sill, I poked
my head up just far enough to get my eyes above the bottom of the pane and peek out the
window. I could see most of the courtyard, from the front porch to the eastern-style gate at the
shrine’s entrance. The courtyard was a big patch of snow, and reminded me of a fresh bowl of
cream-of-something soup. Reimu and Marisa must have left footprints out there earlier, but the
wind and snowfall had covered them over.
None of that mattered compared to the newcomer gouging long tracks through the snow. A
cloaked figure was in the middle of the courtyard, struggling forward against the gusts and
flurries. He held up a sparklamp in one hand, casting a soft circle of light around himself. He
looked like he meant to come up to the front door.
My heart jumped so hard that it nearly about popped out my mouth. Who could possibly
make it up the foothills in this weather, in the dark? I had almost died trying. Marisa had
probably survived only by using magic. Which meant the person outside was either a mage
himself, or—
I remembered what Marisa had said, before trying her cognation spell.
Could lead us to whoever’s freezing Gensokyos, but might also lead him to us.
---

I ​shifted ​to the front door. I wanted to face this person, which was doubtlessly a stupid idea.
But I hadn’t gotten where I was by thinking first and acting later.
Once at the front door, I released my ​shift a ​ nd pulled the door open. A winter blast slammed
into me, icy air dotted through with tiny snowflakes. My hands and feet were bare, and I still had
no underwear under my borrowed outfit. I clenched my teeth, folded my arms and stood against
the cold. I called out into the night.
“Hello there!” I yelled. “Rough weather for traveling, isn’t it?”
The cloaked figure had noticed me before I spoke. He stood still, facing me. The wind and
snow battered him from one side, but he was too short for it to knock him off balance.
“Evening to you!” he shouted back. His voice surprised me. He spoke with an odd accent,
lilting his vowels like no Gensokyo native would. But more because the voice wasn’t ​his,​ but
hers.
It was a girl.
“I apologize for my appearance in these odd hours,” she said. “I meant not to skulk around
your home like a bandit. But I’m here on urgent business. A magic beacon shone from this area
not long ago, leading me to believe there to be some of Gensokyo’s energy here. Might I inquire
of it?”
Not only was her accent strange. Her choice of words was just shy of ridiculous, made worse
by how serious she sounded. But that meant less than what she was saying.
She had come for the ​spring e​ ssence. In the middle of the night, in this impossible
snowstorm. That only made sense if the storm was her doing. Marisa’s spell had worked. It led
the perpetrator right to me.
I reached into my pants pocket, held on to one of my throwing knives.
“We did have some,” I said. “But not anymore. We lost it.”
The cloaked woman paused, which was unexpectedly diplomatic of her. I thought she would
simply annihilate me where I stood, along with the house behind me. And maybe half the
mountainside, just for fun. Anyone able to change seasons could be no magical lightweight.
 “With all respect due, I can’t accept that.” She rested a hand on something beneath her cloak.
“There is mortal energy within your home. I need it. If you don’t produce it, I must take it from
you forcibly.”
“Do what you must,” I said. “We have no ​spring ​here.”
“As you wish.” The thing under her cloak proved to be a sword hilt. She drew a single-edge,
curved blade and held it to the sky. Light from the sparklamp glinted off the metal.
“Hakurouken!” she shouted. “White Tower Swo—”
I didn’t let her finish. I held ​shift​, and everything slowed to a standstill. The cloaked girl
paused in mid word, holding her weapon to the sky like a memorial statue. Snowflakes stuck in
air. I pulled the knife from my pocket, held it up near my ear, and prepared to throw.
I have only two knives. I’ve never carried more, even though I’ve thrown thousands. This is
another of my abilities, and the people I live with have a lot to say about it. Patchouli calls it
impossible. I shouldn’t be able to ​create​ a duplicate of something. And yet I do. I can’t explain it
to her satisfaction, but I have some idea of what’s happening.
My powers seem to act upon time. They treat time as a substance, a fabric that can bend and
form. A thing exists by occupying an instant within time’s weave. If I move an object from one
place to another, it’s easy to reach back​ t​ o where the thing was a second ago, and take hold of it.
By that same effect, I can grab something from where it’s ​probably g ​ oing to be in the very near
future.
In this case, the knife I had pulled from my pocket was still in my pocket, but I also held it up
near my ear. Two difference instances of the same item. The knife I threw would be as deadly as
the knife I copied it from, because they were the same knife.
Patchouli says that part is impossible, too. If the knife I throw is a later occurrence of the one
I keep, then the knife I keep must logically be thrown at some later time. Yet this doesn’t seem to
happen. Even after throwing so many, I still have the same two knives. Patchouli long ago gave
up trying to explain anything about me. I can’t blame her.
Here you’re probably thinking, why I don’t use this power in more productive ways? Instead
of duplicating weapons, why not do the same for, say, money? Or food? Or any material thing
people always want more of?
For one, I can’t copy living things. Objects that are or were alive seem to exist in some
different form of time that I can’t touch. I’ve tried duplicating chicken eggs. Remilia once asked
me to, so we wouldn’t have to depend on the local villages so much. But I failed. When I try to
reach for another time where the egg is, I can’t feel it. It’s not there to grasp. I don’t know why.
This limitation rules out any chance of unlimited free eating. Everything we eat was part of a
living thing at one point. Plants, animals and their extracts. But I still find good things to copy.
Doing so wisely helps my mistress to maintain her wealth. We’re careful not to over-inflate
Gensokyo’s economy.
In the here and now, I took careful aim at the cloaked girl. I snapped my arm forward, and the
knife leaped from my hand. I had to release my ​shift​ at the right moment, so the blade could
move once it left me.
“—ord!” the girl finished, but too late. My knife was on its way to her, spinning through the
air. Many things might have thrown off my shot. The wind. Poor visibility. My target being short.
Yet I knew my aim, the way an archer knows his arrow will strike before it leaves the bowstring.
 The knife hit. It bounced from the girl’s face, making the high-pitched ​twing​ of metal striking
metal. The knife spun away at a sharp angle, arcing up into the sky before tumbling down and
disappearing into the snow. I stood there, my mouth hanging open.
The girl had blocked my knife with her sword.
It was a small consolation that she seemed every bit as surprised. She and I stood silent,
evaluating each other. Each calculating the threat of the other.
“A shame,” said the girl, sheathing her sword. “I’m unable to resolve this at the moment. I
have other business needing my attention. I will leave, but I can’t ignore you forever. I will
return. Please ponder what has taken place, so that our next meeting needn’t result in
bloodshed.”
She turned her back to me, began walking away. I couldn’t let it end here. I considered
throwing another knife, but I didn’t know if she would block again. I didn’t want to chase after
her, running barely clothed into snow up to my thighs. So instead, I did the thing I least like
when action is needed. I used words.
“Wait!” I called after her. “How’s the weather in Hakugyokuro?”
Saying that was a spontaneous decision at best. I didn’t know what was coming out of my
mouth until after I had said it. I was lucky to have even remembered that strange word, but it
turns out that I would have a hard time forgetting it. The out-of-body experience had felt like the
opposite of a dream, peeling the drab dullness off my senses and beaming pure truth into me. I
had no way of knowing if the word meant anything to the cloaked girl. But the gamble paid off.
She stopped in mid step, looked back at me.
“What did you say?” she said.
“Hakugyokuro.” I hoped I was pronouncing it right.
“That realm and its name are unknown to the premortem,” she said. “Where did you hear it?”
I folded my arms, said nothing. Not because I wanted to withhold information. I simply didn’t
know the answer to her question.
“Have you experienced visitation?” she said. She demanded it of me. “Did a wayward ghost
speak to you?”
The cold wind bit into me, but I held still and kept my mouth shut. Wayward ghosts? Where
in heaven’s name had my dream taken me?
“You taunt me,” said the girl. “To use that name and then be silent. As you wish. I go now, but
don’t grow attached to the mortal energy you possess, or you may learn of Hakugyokuro more
intimately than you care to.”
I thought that over, wondering if she was threatening me. The girl again turned her back to
me. She held up her sword, then cut it down through the air. At first, I couldn’t see why she had
done that. My eyes realized a vertical black slit, hanging over the snow, where her blade had cut.
The sparklamp didn’t light anything beyond it. The slit widened, large enough for a person to
step through, and the girl did just that. She disappeared into it, and the cut snapped closed
behind her.
No lights. No magical sound or fanfare. The girl was gone. Without her sparklamp, the
courtyard was dark. I stepped back from the snow, closed the door in front of me.
 I walked into the front room, where Marisa still slept. She was a heavy sleeper, ignoring the
noises and cold draft. I stepped over to my bedroll and folded myself down into it. I kept my
knives close at hand.
Stirring sounded from the other side of the room. Marisa moaned from under the ​kotastu​.
“Sakuyas?” she said.
“What?” I said.
“Was someone outsides?”
“No,” I said. “Go to sleep.”
No answer. Marisa sighed, and her breathing soon evened to slumber. I closed my eyes and
tried to do the same.
This time, I did.

Chapter Three

It could have all been a dream.

The morning came, and I was the first awake at the Hakurei Shrine. I stood looking out the
window of the front room. It wasn’t much brighter outside than it had been in the dead of night.
I knew it was morning, though. My body told me so. It was time to get up and start moving. Get
to the kitchen, make sure the fairies were preparing breakfast. Go throw Flandre out of bed, drag
her down to the library for lessons under Patchouli. Go back upstairs and kick Koakuma out of
the kitchen, since she always wandered in while trying to make herself useful. Then begin on the
day’s rotation of dusting and sweeping rounds.
I felt antsy. I wanted to ​do ​something. But I just stood there, looking out the window over the
shrine’s courtyard. Grey skies above, white snow below.
“It could have been a dream,” I said to myself.
The snow had stopped falling, and the courtyard was smooth again. Any footprints from last
night had smoothed over. Without that evidence, why should I believe anything unusual
happened yesterday? Sure, I came to the Hakurei Shrine. I nearly froze to death, and was
rescued by two girls who I didn’t like. But did I leave my body to go visit some pink-and-blue
dimension? Get lectured by a disembodied voice? Confront a short, sword-toting girl who could
cut holes in the air and jump inside them?
“No,” I said. “Some things are too weird.”
I stepped away from the window. I passed the ​kotatsu, ​saw Marisa still snoring away. Other
than that, the shrine was dead silent. No wind outside. No birds chirping. My ears rang with
emptiness. I turned from the ​kotatsu, a ​ nd my feet carried me deeper into the home. I didn’t
know where I was going until I got there. I ended up in the kitchen.
But it wasn’t a ​kitchen s​ o much as it was pitiful and disgusting. There was only one wood
stove. No oven. A water pump and a tiny wash sink. Small cabinets hung off the walls, and the
counter top was large enough to prepare meals for about one half of a person.
 I felt my upper lip going into a sneer. How could Reimu live like this? I didn’t expect a shrine
maiden to live in excess of wealth, but still. A woman should have standards.
Something caught my eye. On the far end of the room, a folding door hung open. I went over
and found a walk-in pantry. In it, shelves were stacked densely on the walls, but were mostly
empty. A couple of grain sacks. A few bottles and jars, but nothing else. All of that, of course, I
noticed after I saw my clothes hung up to dry. My blouse, coat, cloak and trousers. Even my
underwear. The clothes I had been wearing when I left home. They were spread out on a rickety
drying rack. Whoever put them here had no obvious experience with doing laundry. I would
have some embarrassing wrinkles when I wore these again.
I reached out and touched my cloak, gripped its cloth in my fist. Still damp. There was no
airflow in a pantry. It wouldn’t dry if left here for days. Then again, I supposed there wasn’t a
better place in this cramped shrine. Not unless I wanted my clothes snowed on or tripped over.
“Who cares?” I said, and I began pulling off the sackcloth shirt. Moistness didn’t bother me. I
wanted to dress like myself again. One more minute in Reimu’s clothes and I was going to break
out in rashes.
I took off the sackcloth blouse and pants, dropped them in a pile on the floor. Before I took
my own clothes off the rack, something occurred to me. This was the first time I had ever been
naked in someone else’s kitchen. I didn’t plan to make a habit of it.
I dressed quickly. I didn’t want to risk Reimu or Marisa coming in to see me nude beside to
their food supply. Who knew what kind of misunderstandings that would cause. My clothes were
cold and wet, but I put them on anyway. I left my coat and cloak on the rack, since I wouldn’t
need them until I left.
That thought stopped me. I stood for a moment, hands on my hips, now fully dressed in my
own clothes. I looked around Reimu’s kitchen, thinking.
“Speaking of which,” I said. “When do I leave?”
I would rather not spend one instant more here than I absolutely had to. I couldn’t go home
without taking Reimu and Marisa with me, but I didn’t want to wake either of them. I already
knew more about them both than I cared to, without adding morning breath and Reimu’s choice
of nightwear.
Thankfully, there was another way to get me away from this shrine as fast a possible. I could
start making breakfast now, begin packing supplies for the trip, and I wouldn’t have to wait until
the others got their lazy carcasses out of bed.
I got an armful of things from the pantry, which happened to be everything from the pantry,
and got to work. As the morning wore on, Reimu’s kitchen horrified me on new and deeper
levels. Her cookware was battered and rusty. Her knives were dull, her rolling pin was off
balance, and she had no slotted spoons. Worst of all, one of the wood stove’s feet was shorter
than the rest. The stupid thing sat at a tilt, so boiling water became a balancing act.
I complain, but cooking breakfast was the best thing for me this morning. I’m the Scarlet
Mansion maid, after all. I’m not a traveler, adventurer, righter of wrongs. The only wrong I know
how to right is balancing a soup after adding too much salt. Sewing up torn clothing. Getting
stains out of the cushions after the mistress spills her wine.
 Immersing myself in work, I didn’t notice Reimu standing in the doorway until she made a
mmph? ​sound. I turned and saw her, and I looked away just as quickly. So much for not seeing
the girl in her nightgown.
She rubbed one eye. Her hair was a black and tangled mess, and her face was lined from the
wrinkles of her pillow.
“Sakuya?” she said, groggy. “What smells good in here?”
Certainly not you, ​I thought.
“There isn’t much edible in that pantry,” I said, running the broken rolling pin over a wad of
dough. “You realize you’re almost out of food?”
Reimu leaned against the door frame. “Yeah, kind of. That’s why Marisa and I were heading
out yesterday.”
“No point in going shopping,” I said. “The villages aren’t selling food in this weather. They’re
keeping it all for themselves.”
“We weren’t going shopping.” She smiled. “Would it surprise you if I said we were already
planning to go see Remilia?”
My hands slowed to still on the dough. Would it surprise me? No. Would it enrage me beyond
belief? Make me scream until my throat bleeds? Rip out all my hair with my bare hands? Just
maybe.
“So,” I said. “I came out here for nothing?”
I’ve always been proud of how I can stay calm when angry.
“Not nothing,” said Reimu. “You’re making me breakfast.”
What an act of restraint it was, to keep from throwing the rolling pin at Reimu’s head.
“Don’t mention it,” I said. “But go get dressed. I don’t want to learn the nuances of your
figure.”
Reimu laughed. And another mighty act of restraint on my part. It would have been
undiplomatic to stomp over, smash her toes under my heel, drive an uppercut into her chin so
she bit through her tongue. How dare she laugh! Did she think we were ​friends?​
“I didn’t think you’d know what the word ​nuance m ​ eant,” she said.
“What can I say?” I said. “Patchouli is a good teacher.”
“She must be. I’ll go wake up Marisa. We won’t have many hours of daylight, so we should get
going soon.”
At least we agreed on that.

---
Breakfast came from many of the same ingredients as last night’s dinner, but I thought much
better of this meal. Reimu usually cooks for herself alone. I cook for a family of rich ​youkai.​ But
that experience couldn’t make up for lack of substance. Our main course was a bunch of
flavorless pan-baked cakes. They were fine for breakfast by themselves. They made a passable
desert when sugared, and would work for lunch when spiced. I made more of them than we
could eat in one sitting, so we could wrap the remainder and take them with us. These cakes
were the only food we had that was fit to travel. I used every last grain of Reimu’s flour to make
them. She didn’t complain. If we had to return here before winter passed, we were dead anyway.
 We didn’t spend long eating. The dishes were cleared, and we began packing. I was already
dressed to travel, so I helped the other two with their things, gathering up coats and cloaks and
scarves. I wrapped all the leftover cakes. That done, I went to find Marisa. She sat at the ​kotatsu
in the living room, scraps of paper spread on the table.
“What are you doing?” I said “Get your gear on and let’s go.”
“Gear’s all readies.” She patted a bundle on the floor beside her. She stacked the papers
together like playing cards. “Just inventorying spellcards. Took yours, if ‘sokays.”
“You’re the mage.” I nodded to her travel pack. “That’s all your bringing? No blankets or
anything?”
“Not gonna sleep in this weathers, maid girls.” She separated a small stack of cards out from
the rest of them. “Thinkings we stop at my houses on the ways, spends the night theres. Kinda
cramps for all threes of us, buts can squeeze you under stoves or somethings.”
“Where do you live again?” I said.
“Pretty little houses in Forest of Magics. Just renovated, toos.”
I shook my head. “That’s too much of a detour.”
“Better than sleeping in snows. One day’s trip theres, one day’s to Remi’s places. Not too
bads.” Her face lit up. “Oh! Reminds me somethings.” She turned to the hallway and yelled,
“Miko girls! Front and centers!”
“What?” Reimu came into the front room, fumbling with a cloak too long for her. “I’m almost
ready, I swear.”
“Got your spellcards.” Marisa stood, holding the smaller stack of paper to her.
Reimu took them, thumbed through them. She sighed. “Not more of these things.”
“These ones’re goodies,” said Marisa. “Got super defend spells in theres. But got a questions
for yous. Okay if we stop and see Alices on ways to Remi’s places?”
“Alice?” I said. They ignored me.
“​Her​?” said Reimu. “Why should we?”
Marisa shrugged. “Taught mees the cognation spells. She’s a good mages. Might help us.”
Reimu snorted. “She’d rather stay home and make love to her dolls. I can’t stand her. She’s
always like, ​You stupid humans. Your meager intellect can’t even comprehend how wonderful I
am.​ ”
“Who is this?” I said. “It sounds like you’re talking about Patchouli.”
They looked at me, silent for a moment. Then they both laughed. I failed to see the humor.
“There are some similarities,” said Reimu.
“Replace ​dolls ​with ​books​, and yeahs,” said Marisa. “Alice Margatroids. Automancer mages.”
“And why are we going to see her?” I said. “Isn’t one detour enough?”
“Not a detours,” said Marisa. “Lives right next to mees. Super smart magic girls, toos. Can’t
make things go ​kablooies​ like mees, but really goods at precisey stuffs.”
Didn’t we already have enough mages involved? My mistress, Patchouli, Marisa. I had
personality conflicts with about eighty percent of our current magic roster, and this Alice didn’t
sound like the sort I would get along with.
“Fine,” I said. “So long as we can get going. And Reimu?” I stepped up to her, reached for her
cloak. “Give me that.”
Reimu stepped back, out of my reach. She raised her hand as if to smack mine away.
 “Don’t touch me!” she said.
I froze. Awkward silence. Reimu glared at me, angry and surprised, as if she expected me to
attack her. Marisa stood off to the side, tense. Ready to break us up if a fight started. I hadn’t
meant any harm, but I guess Marisa spoke truly last night. They didn’t trust me.
I unhooked my own cloak from my coat, held it out to Reimu. “I wanted to trade. I’m the
tallest, so I should wear the longest cloak. Unless you want to trip every three steps.”
“Oh. Okay.” Reimu undid her cloak, rolled it up and handed it to me. “Sorry.”
I said nothing, but it was a calculated nothing. Let her apology hang on empty air. Then
maybe she would look like the jerk, for a change.
I put the long cloak on, shrugged my shoulders into it. It was heavy, but I would get used to it.
I tightened my pack’s strap and headed for the front door. When they didn’t follow me, I looked
back.
“So?” I said. “Are we going?”

---

I expect most journeys begin with high morale. Everyone feels good at first, getting their feet
on the road, getting their heads into fresh air, moving toward some noble goal. Somewhere
along the way, the traveler’s attitude sours. People get tired, hungry, smelly. Companions start
arguing, and might even go to blows. People feel better once their goal is in sight, but only the
strongest groups make it that far. The negativity comes sooner for some parties, later for others.
For us, it happed right after the front porch. The sky was gray, blank and dim. There was no
snowfall, but the air was cold and dry, the kind that grows frost on your nostril hairs. The snow
in the courtyard was deep. It came up past my knees. Reimu sank nearly up to her hips. Behind
her, poor Marisa was practically swimming to keep up.
“Glad wearings two pairs of socks,” she said. “When get aways from the shrines, can use one
of Patchey’s spells and make goings little easiers.”
“Let’s do that,” I said. My nose and lips already stung from the cold, so I pulled my scarf over
them. By unspoken agreement, I walked ahead of the other two. I was the biggest of us. I could
cut tracks in the snow for them to follow.
We made it across the courtyard, though it took three times longer than it should have. When
I was under the gate at the entrance, Reimu yelped behind me.
“Ouch!” she said, more of surprise than pain. “My foot hit something.”
I stopped, looked back at her. She knelt down. The snow came up to her chest. She dug one
hand around in the wet fluff, feeling for something.
“Ah!” she said. “Got it.”
She pulled the thing out of the snow, brushed it off. It was small. I had to squint to see it.
Then I realized, Reimu was lucky she hadn’t just sliced through her glove.
“Um, Sakuya?” she said, standing. “Why are you dropping knives around my shrine?”
I closed my eyes, feeling a twinge in my chest. Not because of Reimu’s displeasure with me at
the moment. Now I had solid proof that last night hadn’t been a dream. Some things are too
good not to be true.
 “I didn’t,” I said. “I saw something out here last night. It lit up the courtyard, so I thought it
might be a fairy. I came out and threw a knife at it, but it ran off. Marisa will tell you.”
Reimu looked back at her. “Is that right?”
Marisa held up her hands in a ​waddaya want from me g ​ esture. “Remember maid girls
getting up last nights, but thought that was a dreams.”
“Well, whatever.” Reimu tossed the knife towards me. It was a sloppy throw. It spun through
the air landed in the snow next to me. A wiser soul might have scolded her for throwing sharp
objects around, but I had no room to talk. Besides, if Reimu had aimed ​at m ​ e, I could have easily
caught the knife out of the air.
“Thanks for trying to defend the place,” she said. “But don’t go leaving your hardware around
my home, okay?”
“Your shrine, your rules,” I said. I picked up the knife and stowed it in my trousers. I didn’t
need it, but I wanted to keep peace with Reimu for now. I turned to the stone steps that led from
the shrine’s gate down to the mountain path. The snow stood up from the staircase, rounded off
its shape. A foot meant for one step could land two steps down. I pictured myself tumbling
down, landing face down and broken-boned at the bottom.
I put one wary foot on the top step. “Let’s go, girls. Easy does it on the way down.”

---
We all made it down the stairs without fracture or sprain. From there, we started down the
easier slope of the mountain path. I don’t mean ​easy​ in an absolute sense. Going downhill
through this muck was hard enough. I couldn’t imagine how Reimu and Marisa had carried me
up it, the night before.
I glanced back at the others. “Marisa! Is it time for one of those spellcards?”
“Ums,” she said. “Kind of not, maybe nos. Forgot about the trees. Should wait until in the
opens, down in valleys. Only Marisas can prevent forest fires, you knows.”
What was that supposed to mean? This girl annoyed me more with every word out of her
mouth.
“You’re not starting any fires in this weather,” I said.
“Not with steel and flints. But magic fires burn wet woods pretty goods for a minutes or sos.
Long enough to get more wood burnings.”
“All right,” I said. “We’ll wait until we’re out of the foothills.”
So we did. The going was long and tough. My fingers and toes, ears and nose all went numb.
Reimu and Marisa were at least as bad. The cold wore on them. Before long, they both lagged
behind. I went slower than I could have, so they could keep up, but it bothered me. The sooner
we hit the valley floor, the sooner we would be warm again. Their sluggishness was keeping us
all frozen.
The day wore on, and so did we.

---

Relief seemed like it would never come. But that’s the weakling attitude of a person too stupid
to realize that his pain isn’t the only thing in the world. We eventually made it to the valley floor,
but we couldn’t tell the time of day when we got there. There was no sun out. Some can
accurately tell time by their own bodies, but ours weren’t up to that task. We were weary from
the trip down the hills. We weren’t strictly hungry, nibbling on the flat cakes while we walked,
but we all wished for something more than cheap bread.
We walked past the line of trees that ended the woods and began the valley’s first meadow. I
saw something wrong. Finding our way down from the shrine had been simple. The path was
obvious, being the only strip of land not grown with trees and underbrush. But out here,
Gensokyo’s wide open expanse, snow covered everything. I could see nothing but a smooth pan
of white from here to the mountains.
I stopped and looked around the valley. For the first time, I was glad for the clouds. If the sun
had been out, all the snow would have blinded me.
“This is a problem,” I said.
Reimu trudged up and stood beside me. She didn’t want to start cutting through the snow
without my tracks to follow.
“What is?” she said.
“The roads,” I said. “The whole valley is buried. We can’t follow the roads if we can’t see
them.”
Reimu ​hmme​ d. “I don’t like it, but you’re right.” She looked at me. “How did you get out here,
then?”
“I don’t know. I was half dead. I think I just made a straight line once I got away from the
lake.”
“Lucky you didn’t snap an ankle on any hidden rocks or holes.”
“I know. I was stupid. Cross country isn’t a good idea.” I looked over Reimu’s shoulder, saw
Marisa catching up to us. “Maybe our friend the witch has an answer.”
“My friend, you mean,” said Reimu.
“Don’t be selfish.”
Marisa fought for every inch. Even with two people clearing a trail before her, the snow hurt
her worse than either of us. When she finally caught up, she was breathing hard. Her legs shook
under her, not from the cold so much as the effort. She looked miserable.
“Pretty readies to try Patchey’s spellcard nows,” she said. “We all goods?”
“We’re good,” said Reimu.
“I was good two hours ago,” I said.
“All righties.” Marisa dug through her coat, patting her pockets for the spellcards. She found
her leather leaflet and pulled it out. She flipped off the cover, thumbed through the slips of
paper, found the one she wanted.
“Okays,” she said, putting the rest of the cards back in her pocket. “This is Patchey magics, so
not totally sures how it works. If all threes get hairs burned offs, don’t be too surpriseds.”
“I’m cold, Marisa. You could burn me at the stake and I wouldn’t complain.” I rolled my
gloved hand at her. ​Get​ ​on with it​.
“Don’t say that to a witch!” said Reimu.
Marisa ignored us. Even before I spoke, she held the spellcard in two fingers up near her
forehead. The paper flapped in the wind, but she didn’t lose hold of it. She took in a breath and
spoke the incantation. She pronounced it all correctly. It didn’t sound like Marisa’s voice without
every third word mutilated.

Celestial design of the South

Descend, as bird of flame
Spew warmth from thy mouth
Yonder wasteland made tame

“Fire sign: ​Vermilion Haven​!”

Since this was Patchouli’s spell, I expected a big light show. Rainbows of color shining
everywhere, magical constructs flying around. I was ready to duck if anything solid came at me.
But the spell was simple and practical. The card in Marisa’s hand dissipated into ash and was
blown away. Left in the card’s place was a glowing point of orange light. Its shape reminded me
of glare spots when looking at the sun through glass.
Marisa shook her hand out, leaned back from the spell. “Ouchies! That’s hots!”
The orange light rose, slowly heading towards the sky. The three of us watched it, craning our
necks back as it went up. It ascended to about a dozen feet above Marisa. I feared it would keep
going up and up, but there it stopped. It hung in air for a few seconds, but did nothing else.
“Is that all?” said Reimu.
“How is this supposed to help us?” I said.
As I said that, the orange dot above us began to ​spread.​ If you balance a cube of ice on the
peak of a roof, the ice will slowly melt, leaking water down both sides of the house. That’s what
the spell looked like. The point of light spread into a flat and transparent sheet of orange that
grew out in all directions. It created a wide plane, like a canopy over us, large enough to cover us
all. Once the sheet had grown to about fifteen feet square, it dropped to the ground at a
ninety-degree angle. Four of the sheets closed down around us. A soft hum filled the air. The
spell working made a noise so low, I couldn’t hear it so much as feel it.
“Wows!” said Marisa, looking up and all around her. “Could ​never ​do it like thats! Should talk
to Patchey sometimes, maybe next times I steal her books.”
“I don’t share your enthusiasm,” I said. I stepped away from her and Reimu, going to the
orange see-through wall nearest to me. I held up a hand close to it, but I didn’t touch it. “All you
did was trap us in a big box. Did you cast the spell right?”
“Can’t cast spells wrong, if someone elses made the cards,” said Marisa. “Don’t thinks you’re
trapped, anyways. Try going outsides.”
I planned to, since being stuck in a cube with my two least favorite people wasn’t my ideal way
to spend the trip. I tried pressing my palm against the magic wall. I had nothing to press against.
My hand went right through it. My forearm stuck through the paper-thin orange light. It shifted
and melded around the sleeve of my coat, like skin rapidly healed around a wound.
I tried stepping out of the cube. My eyes told me I was about to walk into something solid, but
my body passed through with no resistance. But once I was outside, I learned why that was a
mistake. It was colder out here. I hadn’t noticed it until now, but air movements didn’t blow
inside the cube.
“The wind chill,” I said, and I pulled my scarf higher up my face. “It doesn’t go in the spell.”
 “Yeps,” said Marisa. She was few yards behind me. “Pretty smarts, toos. Wind’s making us
colders than the snows. Can’t go melting snows anyways. Way too much to melts.”
Reimu had been examining the spell for herself, putting her nose up close to the wall. But she
didn’t walk through it.
“This spell is like a shelter, too,” she said. “If it doesn’t let the wind in, then it’ll trap our body
heat and keep us warm.”
“Exactlies,” said Marisa. “But gotta keep moving to let ​some a ​ irs in, or choke on our own bad
breaths. And stay close toos. Spell centers on the casters.” She stepped towards me, and the spell
followed her. The orange wall came forward and closed over me, as if someone had come from
behind and thrown a curtain before me. I was in the spell again. I soon felt my ears tingle as
feeling came back to them.
“Well, this is all good.” I turned around, facing Reimu and Marisa. “But we still have the
problem of not knowing where to walk. If we can’t melt the snow, how do we follow the roads?”
Marisa put a hand into her coat pocket, digging for her leaflet again. “Actuallies, got
somethings. Hang tights for a seconds.”
But we didn’t have a second, because that’s when we were attacked by a giant snowman.

---

I hate to say it so suddenly, but that’s just how it happened. There was no warning. No sound
of a threat approaching. No call of challenge. No cry of battle. A thirty foot tall snowman rolled
around from behind a protruding patch of the woods, and it barreled towards us.
When I say ​snowman​, I don’t mean a human shape made of snow. After the first snowfall of
the season, village children rush outside to play. They start with a handful of snow, packed into a
ball, and tumble it over and over on the ground. They make it bigger than any of them can lift,
and that becomes the base of the snowman. Then they make another, smaller ball, and stack that
on top of the first one. They put on a third smallest for the head. Finally, they give it those
individual touches, like a smile made of coal chunks, or a carrot for a nose.
This snowman didn’t have any vegetables sticking out of its face, nor any twigs poked into its
side for arms. Otherwise it looked the same. Its bottom was huge, the size of some houses, but it
moved in total silence. It slicked along the snow’s surface as if it were skating.
I wasn’t the first one to see it. I knew something was wrong only by the horrified looks on
Reimu’s and Marisa’s faces. Marisa slapped a hand over her mouth. Reimu pointed behind me
and shouted,“What the ​crap​ is that thing!”
I felt left out. I turned, saw what they saw. I didn’t feel so left out anymore. My heart felt like
it had dropped out of my crotch. Many rude exclamations came to mind, but I was too surprised
to swear. As I turned and ran towards my companions, what came out of my mouth sounded
like, “Holy ​shkgnh!​ ”
I held both my arms out wide, as if to embrace Reimu and Marisa in a group hug.
“​Run​!” I yelled. “​To the trees​!”
They didn’t question me. Reimu took Marisa’s hand, and they bolted. On the best of days,
neither of them could outrun me. The snow slowed them even more. I caught up to them too
easily. The monster snowman gained huge ground on us. In another five seconds, it would bowl
over and crush us.
I hung behind and pushed the girls along. “​Move, you stupid slugs!​ ”
The woods were just ahead, a line of trees that marked the beginning of the foothills. The
snowman couldn’t follow us in there. It was too big to fit between the tree trunks. We plowed
through the snow, pushing ourselves as hard as we could. Then I was deafened by the loudest
sound I had ever heard. It boomed from the snowman following us.
“​Don’t try to flee, warm-bodied humans!​ ”
It was so loud that it ​hurt ​me. Everything in me vibrated like a tuning fork. My bones wanted
to shake free of each other. My muscles wanted to melt into mush. I think I screamed, but I
couldn’t hear myself. The snowman’s yell echoed to the far mountains and back again. Its voice
sounded like angry little girl. Or maybe twenty thousand little girls, all yelling at the top of their
lungs.
I held both hands out before me, gave Reimu and Marisa a solid shove in their backs. They
stumbled forward, over a bank of snow and between the trunks of two trees. The snow was
shallower in the woods, much of it caught by the branches above. Reimu and Marisa landed in a
tangle, their legs crossed together. They thrashed around and tried to get free of each other. I
hopped over the snow bank myself. I grabbed them both. I nearly ripped their clothes off, trying
to pull them to their feet.
“​Move​!” I yelled. “Get further in—”
We ran out of time. The giant snowman was on us. It crashed into the line of trees, ramming
most heavily into the thick pine tree right next to me. The trunk bent under the force, sounded
out deep ​crrrrck ​noises as wood ready to splinter apart. The ground at the tree’s base puckered
up, roots threatening to tear free. The snow stored in the tree’s branches shook out all at once. I
didn’t see the snow fall, because I was busy yanking Reimu and Marisa upright. But when the
snow landed on me, I certainly felt it.
Has three times your weight in snow ever been dropped on you? I hope not, for your sake. It’s
really unpleasant. It feels like getting punched from above by a hundred meaty fists. No matter
how heavy the clothes you wear, it always gets up the legs of your pants and down the back of
your neck. The snow flattened me. The ground came up and smacked me in the face. I went
down covered by a freezing blanket. Everything was dark. I was dazed as if I had taken a kick to
the head.
“​How do you like that, warm bodied-humans​?”
The snowman’s voice boomed out again, like a thunderclap twenty feet away. That brought
me back to reality. Being buried helped against the sound, but my eardrums would rupture if
that thing spoke again. I rocked my body back and forth, loosening the snow around me. I got
my hands and knees under myself and tried to push up. It was hard. Snow is a lot heavier than it
looks.
Reimu hadn’t been buried like I had. Her hands were on my shoulders, helping me up. She
knocked huge hunks of snow off my back.
“Get up!” she said. “It’s​ ​coming again!”
 I looked back over myself. Much of my vision was blocked by the snow covering me, but I
could see the snowman’s head. It had slid back into the open field, putting some distance
between itself and the trees.
“It’s retreating?” I said.
Reimu was right, and I wasn’t. The snowman wasn’t running away, but falling back to get a
running start. It came at us again, and accelerated the whole way. It was going to batter the trees
down. If it hit hard enough, that pine tree would fall right on us.
I was still mostly buried. Reimu wasn’t. She was on her feet. She could run. I put a hand on
her belly and pushed her away.
“Go!” I yelled. But she didn’t go. She stepped back with the shove I gave her, then she stepped
right back up to me. She ripped off her right glove, reached into a pocket and pulled out a
spellcard. She held it up.
“Guard sign: ​Duplex Barrier!​ ”
I barely heard her shout the spell’s name. The snowman hit, this time focused on the pine tree
behind me. That tree was already weakened from the the first collision. It couldn’t take a second.
Snow dusted off the branches. Groaning, splitting and snapping. Roots tore free from the
ground. The tree toppled, its branches cutting great a ​wooshi​ ng noise through the air. I covered
the back of my neck with my hands and prepared to be crushed.
The spellcard in Reimu’s hand vanished. She kept her hand held up toward the falling tree
trunk, as if to ward it away. Just beyond her fingertips, a big lens of blue light faded into
existence. It was at least three times the size of a rich woman’s parasol, and it covered both
Reimu and me.
It wouldn’t hold, I thought. The tree was too heavy. It would crush us both. Reimu should
have run when she had the chance.
The tree trunk struck the barrier. The weight was more than Reimu expected. She dropped to
her knees, and the tree fell that much closer to us. But the spell held. The tree trunk was
suspended above us. Reimu kept her right arm up straight, rigid and shaking with effort. She let
out a guttural cry, like a warrior charging into battle. “​Grraaaah​!”
She had only bought us a few seconds. She couldn’t hold up an entire tree for long, even with
the help of magic. A second lens-shaped shield grew out of the first one. While the original
stayed in place, the new shield separated and moved upwards. It took on the tree’s weight,
relieving the first barrier below it. The tree lifted up, just by and inch or two, but that was
enough.
Reimu yelled again, moved her hand to the side. The double lens followed, carrying the tree
along with it. But that was the limit. The spell flickered and faded away. The tree came crashing
down, one foot to the side of us. The ground bucked under the impact. I was already prone, but
Reimu was knocked on her side.
Somewhere far away, I heard a shout. “Love sign!”
I remembered that from somewhere before. I couldn’t place it.
The giant snowman had stopped at the edge of the woods. It still couldn’t follow us in, but
that wouldn’t stop it from knocking down more trees.
“​Such a feeble attempt!​ ” the snowman boomed. “​This will be the end of you. Never try to
evade debt collection​!”
 The fall of the tree had been nothing compared to this. I clapped my hands over my ears, and
I cried in pain. The monster was underestimating itself. No need to crush people under falling
timber. It could simply talk us to death.
Surprisingly, I could hear after that. A quiet, distant yell rose to challenge the snowman.
“​Master Spark​!”
Oh, right. ​That’s ​where I’d heard it before.
A bar of white light seared above me. Numb though my nose was, I could smell the sharp
stink of broken air. The beam hit the snowman in the proverbial gut, and punched clean through
it. It exited out the snowman’s back, shooting off into the distance. Huge billows of steam
erupted from the snowman. All snow touched by the beam vaporized instantly. The steam
condensed upon hitting the cold outside air, falling to the ground as dew droplets.
Good thing I hadn’t been standing when Marisa launched that spell. It would have taken my
head off. The snowman was doing little better. The beam narrowed and disappeared, but left a
big hole though the monster’s middle. Without any matter there to hold it up, it collapsed. It fell
in on itself, just as regular-sized snowmen do when children kick them down.

---

Everything was quiet.

We were left with one toppled tree, one huge knocked-over snowman, and a ringing in our
ears. I shook my head out.
“Reimu?” I said.
She lay in front of me, on her side with her legs curled up. Her chest heaved to catch her
breath.
“Is it....” She swallowed. “Is it dead?”
“I think so. Whatever it was.” I closed my eyes and rested my forehead down on the snow. I
tried to wiggle my feet, still buried somewhere back there. I rocked my hips back and forth,
trying to excavate myself. It’s amazing how fast snow turns solid when it’s all over you.
“Reimus! Sakuyas!” Marisa came running up, short of breath. She held her wooden carving,
the ​Hakero​, in one hand. A whiff of smoke rose from it. She knelt next to Reimu and put a hand
on her arm. “You two okays? Sorry to rabbit like thats. Can’t Master Spark with a trees in the
way, you knows.”
“Nobody’s complaining,” I said. Then, for no reason at all, I laughed. I didn’t know why.
Nothing about this was funny. When the terror of battle wears off, and everyone survives
unhurt, you have to laugh. You keep from going crazy by losing your sanity for a moment.
Laughter is infectious. Marisa’s mouth widened into a grin, and then she was laughing too.
When Reimu had enough of her wind, she joined us.
“That was intense!” she said, sitting up beside Marisa. Wiping her eyes dry. “What was that
thing, anyway?”
I calmed down, my laughter fading into a smile. “We can go look. We’ll be fine if we’re careful,
I think.”
 I finished unburying myself, got up to my feet. I shook the snow off, but it had still gotten in
my clothes. I looked around, and I noticed Marisa’s shelter spell was still going. The transparent
orange box had followed her the whole time. Reimu and I were inside it again.
Marisa noticed the look on my face. “Feeling toasty nows? Patchey’s spell’s even better than I
thoughts. Master Sparks didn’t hurt its.”
“That matters?” I said.
“Oh yeahs,” said Marisa. “Two magic spells at the same times, big pain in butts to get working
rights. Says a lot about Patchey, making her spells run while other magics going downs.”
“That would be her,” I said. “I’ve seen her cast a ton of spells all on top of each other, when
she was doing some specialized work.”
“What kind of works?” said Marisa.
I opened my mouth to answer, but my voice caught in my throat. Did I want to tell them
about Flandre’s birthday party? The party they would have been invited to, had my mistress
been less impulsive?
No, I decided. I didn’t want to tell them. I didn’t like the thought of these two in my home.
That they were ​welcome i​ n my home was even worse.
That sickened my mood. But it wasn’t Reimu’s or Marisa’s fault, so I didn’t take it out on
them.
“She’s done it many times,” I said. “I can’t remember any specifically now.” I turned, began
walking to the snowman’s remains. “Let’s go take a look, shall we?”

Chapter Four

The giant snowman had been demolished. The three of us stood at the mound that used to be
the snowman’s base. We could walk up to it, but not over it. The snow was deep and soft from
recent melting. A person’s weight would sink into it.
“I wonder what happened,” said Reimu. “It’s just a big pile of snow.”
“Maybe was kind of alives, but I killed it deads,” said Marisa. “Sometimes animals get all
magickies and turn into ​youkais, i​ f alive long enoughs. Never heard that happens to snow,
thoughs.”
“And even if that did happen,” I said, “it wouldn’t go around attacking people and yelling
about debt collection.”
“Too trues,” said Marisa. “More a fairy kind of things to doos....” Her voice trailed off. Her
eyes grew wide, and she looked at Reimu. “Uh ohs.”
Reimu seemed to realize something. She tented both hands over her mouth. “Oh gosh, no. I
hope it isn’t her.”
“Hope it isn’t who?” I said.
They had no chance to answer. Part of the snow mound shuffled around, moving and shifting
like loose earth burrowed through by a small animal.
“Something’s in there!” I said, but I didn’t need to. Both Reimu and Marisa stepped back from
the snow mound. The two of them fell behind me. Whether they wanted to retreat from the
unknown, or just put me between it and them, I couldn’t tell. I had a hand in my pocket, fingers
pinched on a knife.
“How dare you!” said the burrowing thing. It was the little girl’s voice again, but not
amplified. “How dare you destroy my Gunky!”
The voice came through clearer as it approached. It was less and less muffled by snow, until
the girl poked her head out. A ​youkai,​ with a full head of aqua-colored hair, glared up at me. She
wore a scowl that wouldn’t have been funny if it weren’t all I could see of her. She was still
buried from the neck down.
Reimu didn’t share my amusement. She stabbed a finger at the ​youkai ​girl. “It’s​ ​you! The ice
fairy!”
“So it mightily is, warm-bodied human. Cirno has returned!” She slowly dug herself out,
revealing the rest of her. She wore a simple blue dress, and little else. Her hands and feet were
bare. She pulled out of the snow one limb at a time. She yanked both arms free, yanked out one
leg, but forgot the other leg. She tried to walk with one foot still stuck. She lost her balance, fell
down the snow pile, and tumbled to the ground at my feet. Her forehead smacked the toe of my
left boot. She was indeed a fairy, I could now see. Crystalline wings fluttered on her back.
“Ow!” she said. “Cirno feels pain!”
“Not yet,” I said.
The fairy got her hands and knees under herself. I let her do that much. It gave me good
swinging room. Then I pulled my leg back, and pumped all its weight forward as if I meant to
kick a ball halfway across Gensokyo. My boot connected with the fairy’s nose.
I felt something ​snap ​under the ball of my foot. The fairy’s head lashed back. The blow
knocked her up against the snow pile. There she crumpled into a ball, both arms wrapped
around her head. Blue ​youkai b ​ lood already gushed from the mash that used to be her nose. The
blood streamed off her face and stained the snow. Her eyes were full open in shock. She
struggled to keep breathing. Every exhale was tortured wheeze, ​wheeeuh, wheeeuh.
“There!” I said. “​Now ​you feel pain!”

---

Kicking Cirno in the face felt very, very good. I’m not proud of that. Cold vengeance. Bitter
retribution. Injuring her worse than she had injured me. Seeing her become afraid of me. Seeing
her realize that she had made a terrible enemy of me, and hating herself for that mistake.
​ er.
It felt good to ​hurt h
My hand had been in my pocket the whole time, pinched on the rounded base of a throwing
knife. The knife came out. I pointed it down at the fairy. She saw the blade. She looked up to me.
Her eyes met mine, and her face bent in horror. She knew what I meant to do.
I knelt down beside her. I put my free hand on her forehead, holding her head back against
the snow mound. She trembled under my palm. Certainly not from the cold, but from pain and
fear. I had the knife aimed for her neck. I didn’t stab her, but instead slowly moved the knife
closer to her skin. Like a surgeon ready to make his first incision. I wanted her to memorize the
shape of the blade before it touched her.
 In my mind, I already saw what I would do first. Open a wound somewhere. No place too
sensitive to start with. Maybe her upper arm or her thigh. The knife was sharp, and skin would
part to it with little force. Once the skin was open, and the tissues underneath were exposed, I
would ​jam my finger in​.
I could already hear agonized wailing. My heart sped up, just at the thought of it. I was
sweating, and I felt fever hot.
Something broke into my moment of hideous bliss. Reimu grabbed my shoulder, pulling my
knife hand away from the fairy.
“What are you doing?” she said.
The outside cold snapped back around me. My heart felt sour. My hands shook.
I didn’t look at her. Kept my eyes fixed on my victim. “I’m going to kill the fairy.”
Which was a lie. I had no intention of killing her. When it comes to milking pain, ​youkai ​are
much fuller than humans. ​Youkai c​ an hurt. They bleed when cut, bruise when beaten, and char
when burned. They experience pain like any non-magical being. What’s better, ​youkai ​are
hardier than humans. Their cuts, bruises and burns often heal quickly, giving for room and
greater work. Perhaps the worst suffering a ​youkai ​can endure only matches that of a human,
but ​youkai ​can suffer longer.
Cirno was lucky that someone stopped me. Death was mercy compared to what I had in mind.
I would have hurt myself just as badly, for her blood would cause freezing burns everywhere it
touched me. I didn’t know that at the time. I don’t think it would have stopped me.
“Kill her?” said Reimu. “Why?”
Now I looked at her, glancing up over my shoulder.
“Why not?” I said. “She tried to kill us. Let’s put her down.”
“I don’t think you should.”
“Don’t give me that,” I said. “Both you and Marisa have killed ​youkai ​before.”
“Only when we had to. Cirno knows she’s defeated.” Reimu looked at the fairy. “Don’t you,
Cirno?”
If the fairy had been smart, she would have taken advantage of the distraction. Tried to crawl
away or take the knife from me. But Cirno isn’t the cleverest mind in Gensokyo. She only lay
there and watched me, trembling all over.
“D-defeated,” she said. “Cirno is... b-beaten. But Cirno has to find he-help. Debts can’t go
un-p-paid.”
“Then go find your help,” said Reimu. “But do so at your own peril. We have no reason to
show mercy if you attack us again.”
“This is foolish,” I said to Reimu. “We can’t let her go. She’ll come at us again later.”
“We’ll deal with that when it happens.” said Reimu. She pointed to the fairy. “Get out of here,
Cirno! Before my friend here decides to ignore me and stabs you in the neck.”
I had no intention of doing that. The moment had passed. That was why I didn’t waste more
breath arguing with Reimu. That was why I didn’t yank free and slit the fairy’s throat right then.
What I truly wanted was already out of my grasp. I had to put up a little resistance, to save face.
It wasn’t worth more effort than that.
 I stood, slipped the knife back into my pocket. Cirno took that to mean she was free to go. She
rocked back and forth where she lay, and she ​rolled into t​ he snow pile behind her. The snow
enveloped her. She went burrowing through it again, and used the cover to throw one last taunt.
“You’ll regret sparing me, warm-bodied humans.” Her voice was already dampened, and grew
farther away. “Cirno will see you all killed! Three times each! Do you know how many total
deaths that is?”
Her voice faded to silence. She had dug past the snowman’s remains, and into the field
beyond. She was gone.

---

Marisa was standing by, and had watched all this. She held her ​Hakero ​in both hands, aimed
at the ground. When she spoke, I turned and saw her, and I wondered why she still had her ​foci
out. Did she mean to blast somebody?
“You know what’s funnies?” she said. “Don’t think her lasts question was a threats. Icey girls
probably honestly askings what three times three is.”
“That is funny,” I said. “Hilarious. I can barely contain my laughter.” I looked at Reimu. “The
fairy was right. We ​will r​ egret it. She’s going to complain to some power higher than her. Do you
want to guess what’s worse than a giant snowman?”
Reimu shook her head. “I don’t need to worry about it. I have you with me. You can kill
anything. And often do.”
Again, she gave me that strange compliment. Was she trying to placate me? Make me feel
better because she had taken my victim from me?
It didn’t matter. Reimu was right in one way. We could only handle with problems as they
came. What’s done is done.
I looked at Marisa. “You said you have a spell that would help us find the roads?”
She smiled, stowed her ​Hakero ​in one pocket and took her spellcard leaflet out of another.
“Muchly does,” she said. “And must says, more impressed with Patcheys all the times.” She
swung a pointed finger around before her. “Haven spell’s still active, rights?”
It was. The orange walls still stood around us, keeping out most of the cold. I guessed Cirno
was happy to get away from us, for that of many reasons.
“See nows,” said Marisa, holding up a spellcard. “This one ​integrates w ​ ith the haven spells.
Shows different grounds within existing magics. Isn’t that somethings? Really hards making
separate spells play friendlies. Patchey does it, like stacking bricks. Simple and plains.”
“We could see for ourselves,” I said, “if you would just cast the stupid thing, instead of giving
it an opener.”
The smile fell off Marisa’s face. She sighed. “As you wishes, impatient Sakuyas. Beholds!”
She stuck her arm straight up, holding the spellcard to the roof of the shelter spell. She spoke
the incantation.

Stand forth, mother of land

Variation in thy skin
Of soot, soil and sand
 Of stone, grass and kin

“Earth sign: ​Prithvi Expose!​ ”

The spellcard crumpled and turned ashen, leaving Marisa with a palm full of dust. She
brushed her hand against her coat. For that moment, nothing else happened.
“Huhs,” said Marisa. “Thought we’d get flashes from that ones.”
It came slowly, so I didn’t notice it at first. The ground was covered in snow. Not so thick here
under the trees as out in the fields, but still covered. The snow changed color. Instead of
featureless white, minty green light came up around our ankles. It surprised all three of us. We
spent a few seconds holding up our feet and stepping back, as if the green glow would hurt us.
But it had no physical substance, no more than the orange box around us.
“What’s this for?” I said. “All you did was change the snow to the color of fairy puke.”
Marisa laughed. I didn’t know why she found it funny.
“Greens ‘cause there’s grass under heres,” she said. “Let’s go see beaten paths.”
So we did. We waded out into the deeper snow, retracing the tracks we had left running from
the giant snowman. The orange box followed us, always centered on Marisa. Only within the box
did the ground glow any color. The turf we left behind faded back to its unlit, snowed-over self. I
saw one big spot of metallic gray punched into the green, scrolling past us as we walked. I
intentionally stepped on that spot, and my foot land on something solid. A rock, buried under
the snow. I would have never known it was there if not for the spell. But that wouldn’t stop me
from stubbing my toe on it.
“This works pretty well,” I said.
“Doesn’t its?” said Marisa. “Gotta thank Patchey sometimes. And looks!” She pointed ahead.
“There’s the paths.”
Starting at the forward edge of the shelter spell, the green glow was replaced by deep brown.
We stepped up to it, so the brown filled the box except for two strips of green on either side. We
were on the road. We would have about seven feet, from Marisa outwards, to warn us of any
bends in the road or obstacles hidden in the snow.
I was impressed. At the same time, I was disappointed with myself. If I had used these
spellcards on the way to Reimu’s Shrine, instead of trying to kill myself with the cold, I wouldn’t
be indebted to the mercy of these girls.
“Let’s get going,” I said. “With any luck, that fairy will forget about us. At least until we get to
the Scarlet Mansion.”
Wishful thinking. I wouldn’t be home for at least a day and a half. If we hurried, we could
reach the Forest of Magic by nightfall. But how well could some dingy house in the woods stand
against an attack?
I shook my head. It wasn’t worth worrying. I focused on putting one foot in front of the other.
That was enough for now.

---

It started snowing again.

 It wasn’t severe. Not the huge, sticky flakes we were used to seeing for the last six weeks. It
only sprinkled tiny dots of snow, visible against the gray sky until they merged with the white on
the ground. The snowfall didn’t come inside our shelter spell. Like the wind, it broke and fell
around us.
We were heavily clothed, well bundled against the cold. We had food in the form of simple
cakes, good enough to keep us walking if not fill our stomachs. The spells helped keep us warm
and guide us.
With all that, the going was still hard. If we couldn’t melt the snow, we had to walk through it.
It was slow and exhausting. Now I knew why Marisa had insisted we spend the night at her
home. We had no chance of taking the whole trip at once. Not even if we cut straight across
country. I had already tried that myself, and I had failed.
I looked back occasionally, making sure Reimu and Marisa didn’t fall too far behind. Or that’s
what told myself. I could easily tell Marisa’s position by the shelter spell around us, and she
would stop if Reimu lagged. In reality, I wanted to see how they held up. See if they tired before I
did. See if their bodies failed them, as mine had when I last challenged this winter. See if their
hearts surrendered, as mine had.
They didn’t. They never groaned or griped or complained. Just kept plodding along behind
me, their eyes stern above their scarves.
I looked forward, and I stamped at the feeling of disgust in my stomach. I should be happy
that they kept up, that they showed strength against the weather. Besides, I had walked much
longer than this when they found me collapsed in the snow. If I wanted to see them weaken, I
needed only to keep going.
“Hey,” I said. “Do you two mind explaining what happened with the fairy?”
“What do you mean?” said Reimu. She sniffed, probably to learn if she could still feel her
nose.
“You sounded like you met her before,” I said.
Silence. I wasn’t looking at them, but I could imagine them exchanging glances. One nodding
to the other. Wordlessly agreeing to divulge this secret of their friendship to the outsider Sakuya.
I looked outside the warmth spell. The snow fell more thickly.
“We did,” said Reimu. “We ran into Cirno on our way to the Scarlet Mansion last summer.
She helped us across the lake.”
“Helped?” I said. “Wild fairies don’t help. They make deals. What did you offer her?”
“Sounds silly nows,” said Marisa. “But agreeds, after we got dones at the mansions, she could
freeze Reimus.”
That stopped me. I halted, turned and faced them. They stood and looked at me as if to say,
What​ ​do you want from us​?
“Freeze?” I said. “As in, turn you into ice?”
“Don’t look at me!” said Reimu. “I never liked the idea. Marisa’s the one who made the deal.”
“But why make it at all?” I said. “You could have just walked around the lake.”
“Didn’t have times,” said Marisa. “Wanted to gets there a-saps. Little Flan girls could go
kaboom​ any times.”
“You didn’t know that,” I said. “You didn’t even know who Flandre was.”
 “It didn’t matter,” said Reimu. “We knew Gensokyo was in trouble, and we knew that trouble
came from the mansion. We did everything we could, as fast as we could. You can’t tell me you
wouldn’t have done the same thing.”
“Reimus?” said Marisa. “Thought you said you didn’t like the ideas.”
We ignored her. Arguing with each other was more satisfying.
“I don’t make deals with fairies,” I said.
Reimu stepped up to me, as if getting in my face would prove her right. “I’m not talking about
fairies. I’m talking about putting yourself at risk for greater good. You ​are ​doing that, just by
being out here. You’ve been doing it ever since Remilia sent you to my place.”
I looked away. “You can’t compare then to now.”
“Why not?” said Reimu. “The similarities are too many to count. Gensokyo faces death by
attrition. There’s magic at work, changing the weather. And again, we’re all in the middle of it.
Just because ​this t​ ime isn’t Remilia’s fault—”
I slapped her.

---

I hadn’t meant to. I want to say that my hand acted without me telling it to. Flew up on its
own, broadsided her across the face. But I can’t blame it on my hand. Slapping Reimu too closely
followed the anger burning in me. The anger startled me. It came without warning, and it burst
like an over-laden dam.
I didn’t badly hurt Reimu. My glove and her scarf padded the slap. My hand turned her face to
the side, but didn’t crack on her skin.
The snow fell ever harder. The flakes had grown fat, pummeled the shelter spell in twisting
flurries.
Reimu’s eyes slowly turned back to mine. In them, I saw a reflection.
I saw hate.
She brought her hand up to her face, touched where I had struck her.
“You...,” she said. “You just hit me!”
Marisa appeared between us. She forces us apart, mostly by pushing Reimu back. Neither of
us noticed her.
“I’ll hit you again, if you dare say that a second time,” I said, making a fist at her. “What
happened wasn’t​ ​my mistress’s fault!”
She regarded me, and she was awed. I saw the mix of emotion and priorities in her. Anger
versus the sense of right and wrong. I knew that look. I felt the same way more times than I can
number.
Reimu lowered her hand, and she said, “I wonder if Remilia agrees with you.”

---

I can’t explain how those words hurt me.

I know. I’ve been over this before. If I can’t explain, then why even mention it?
 I won’t simply say ​you can’t imagine ​and move on, leaving you wondering. I want you to
know how I felt, but language works against me here. Words like ​excruciating ​and ​agonizing ​are
tired clichés. Other words carry no weight. You’ll understand only if you’ve felt the same kind of
pain. I hope you never have.
The sentence hadn’t been long. Even now, I’m amazed at how seven words changed things.
It’s not Reimu’s fault that things happened the way they did, but her words were the catalyst.
They broke something in me. Something that had been close to breaking for a long time.
My head drooped, my hair hanging on either side of my face. My jaw clenched. My hands
made fists so tight that they strained the fabric of my gloves. My eyes were closed, but that didn’t
keep in the tears. They cut two warm tracks down my face and were absorbed by my scarf.
I ​shifted ​just then, freezing the snowstorm around us. I held ​shift​ long enough only to whip
out a knife and ready it for throwing. I wanted Reimu to see me as moving instantaneously, see
me holding the same knife that had pierced her leg, and be afraid of me.
“I hate you, Reimu,” I said, breathing through my teeth. “I wish I’d never met you. Patchouli
should’ve killed you before she sent you to meet me.”
Reimu didn’t flinch. Didn’t look away. She stared me down with that stubborn pride. Just like
that night a year ago, when I had first told her my name.
“I hate you too, Sakuya,” she said. “For the people you’ve killed, and how you hurt me. I’m
sorry it has to be that way. Neither of us should hate.”
“Sakuyas,” said Marisa. “Put the knife downs.”
I had forgotten she was here. She still stood in front of Reimu, facing me. Marisa held out her
Hakero ​in both hands, pointing it at me. In a second, she could launch a spell that would
vaporize me.
One second was nowhere near fast enough. We all knew it.
“Why should I?” I said. “Give me a reason not to kill you both right here.”
“Because your mistress wants to see us,” said Reimu. “Alive.”
I threw the knife. My hand moved faster than the eye, even without ​shifting​. The blade spun
through the air and grazed past Reimu’s head. A lock of her hair cut free, floated down to the
snow by her foot. A little strip of black on the white.
She gasped, long after the knife had passed her. I hadn’t duplicated that knife from one in my
pocket. Now I carried only two again, instead of three.
“Maybe Remilia isn’t always right,” I said.
I turned my back on them, and I started walking. I passed out of the shelter spell and into the
storm. Cold wind whipped against me. Snowflakes stuck to my eyelashes and my hair.
I walked, leaving Reimu and Marisa behind. They didn’t follow me.
Chapter Five

I didn’t know where I was going, and I couldn’t make myself care. People have a phrase for
what I was doing right now. Whipping myself into such a state of anger that I didn’t care who I
hurt, least of all myself. They call it ​throwing a tantrum.​
That’s all it was, really. No better than a child stomping her feet and holding her breath. I
knew it, and I hated it.
Reimu had gotten to me. Her words cut me down. Not that she questioned Remilia’s wisdom,
but that she was ​right t​ o question it. She voiced the doubts and worries that chased themselves
around in my own head. It felt wrong to have those thoughts in the first place. Another person
speaking them was far worse. The difference was like that between a mild stomach ache, and a
rabid beast slashing open my belly and eating out my entrails.
The storm got worse as I walked. My temper forced me on through the cold and bluster. I
wrapped my cloak around myself, pulled my scarf up to my eyes. The air was so thick with snow
that I could see only a few feet in front of myself.
I was in danger out here. I was still too mad to be frightened, but this blizzard would kill me if
I didn’t soon find shelter. The Forest of Magic was the only place I could reach, but I refused to
go there. I wouldn’t beg mercy of Marisa. Nor would she offer me hospitality after I had nearly
skewered her friend’s head.
 So what did that leave me? Should I keep walking until I collapsed and died in the snow? Why
​ ould show Reimu what
not give that another try? For an instant, the idea appealed to me. ​That w
I thought of her. How would she feel, knowing someone hated her bad enough to die before
asking her forgiveness?
As soon as that thought came to me, I was ashamed of it. I couldn’t die. I loved my mistress
too much to abandon her. I had to return to the Scarlet Mansion. I had bow to Remilia, offer my
deepest regrets for failing to bring Reimu. My mistress would forgive me, and accept me. Then I
could go back to cooking her meals and cleaning her house.
Anger finally gave way, and despair crept into its place. The one thing I wanted was beyond
me.
“I have no chance of making it home,” I said to myself. “Unless this storm suddenly stops.”
And then the storm suddenly stopped.

---

The wind stopped. The snowflakes all fell to the ground, and no more came after them. The
​ gain. The mountains on the horizon. The gray clouds in the sky. Heavy
air was clear. I could ​see a
woods were in the distance. I had changed direction without realizing it. I now faced the Forest
of Magic. If I had kept walking, I eventually would have smacked face-first into a tree.
I stood still, looked around myself.
“What just happened?” I said.
“You being a typical human is what just happened,” said a voice from nowhere. “Must I ​talk ​to
get your attention? I dump all the snow in Gensokyo on you, and you keep moving. But you stop
when I halt the storm. Your kind’s thinking is incomprehensible.”
I kept turning around, looking in all directions for whoever was talking. My ears didn’t tell me
where the voice came from.
“Who’s speaking?” I said. “Show yourself!”
“Shall I?” said the voice. “I know humans have difficulty conversing with the unseen. A
physical shape is necessary. Cirno, choose a spot so I may form beside you.”
“Cirno?” I said.
A few yards in front of me, the snow bulged up from the ground like a mole hill. The ice fairy’s
head poked out.
“Cirno!” she said. She rose as if she stood on an ascending platform, the snow washing off her
like liquid. She wore the same dress from a few hours ago. Her arms and feet were still bare. Her
nose had healed, no longer bloody or broken.
“Take my hand, would you?” said the disembodied voice.
“Yes, Letty!” said Cirno. She held her arm up to the side, as if holding hands with an adult.
Snow from the ground leaped up in two thin ribbons, twisting and braiding like a pair of
snakes. The snow reached up to Cirno’s hand and grasped it. More snow climbed up, and more
after that. The mass grew and shaped, until it became the most precisely designed snowman I
had ever seen. Or snow woman​, ​if the curves of its body were any clue.
The snow shattered off her, flaking to the ground as if it had been only a shell. There, holding
Cirno’s hand, was a tall woman. She wore a vest and long dress of alternating blue and white.
Her eyes were bright lavender. Her hair was the same color, waved like wind-blown snowdrifts,
and was topped with a white lady’s cap. On her left breast, she wore an odd brooch,
four-pronged in the shape of a chicken foot. Both this woman and Cirno stood on the snow, but
not in it. Their feet didn’t sink in like mine did.
“Introductions?” said the snow woman.
“Uh,” was the most intelligent response I could offer. I have lived with ​youkai m ​ y whole life,
and seen some extraordinary things. But never before had a woman materialized from snow and
asked my name. This must be an elemental. Mages like Patchouli spend their lives studying the
power of these beings.
Very few times had I been angry enough at Patchouli to go to blows with her. Every time, I
backed down. An elementalist was more than I wanted to fight. Now I stood before a creature
that Patchouli, at her best, only mimicked. And it had probably come to punish me for
mistreating Cirno.
This wouldn’t end well.
“Are you dumbstruck?” said the elemental. “Very well. I begin. Letty Whiterock. The spirit of
Gensokyo winter, and the patron of ice-, water- and cold-birth ​youkai i​ n this land. Now who are
you?”
When she asked, I couldn’t help myself from becoming Sakuya the diplomat.
I bowed to her. “Sakuya Izayoi is my name. I am servant and representative of Lady Remilia
Scarlet of House Scarlet. A pleasure to meet you.”
“Pleasure indeed,” she said. “Insomuch as I exact retribution for your abuse of poor Cirno,
earlier this day.”
“Retribution!” The ice fairy pumped a fist into the air. “Poor Cirno!”
Good. She was talking, instead of simply killing me. Elemental or not, this Letty was still a
youkai.​ No intelligent ​youkai ​can resist rhetoric. I might be able to talk my way out of this.
“I apologize if it seemed so,” I said. “I was defending myself. Cirno launched an unprovoked
attack while piloting a large construct made of snow, which is an expected weapon for a fairy of
her element.”
“Nothing was unprovoked,” said Letty. “Cirno came to collect a debt long since past due, owed
her by one of the other humans you were with.”
“That debt wasn’t mine,” I said. “Cirno attacked all three of us alike, though I owe her
nothing.”
“You owed her nothing ​then​,” said Letty. “You would be left ignored, had you stood aside and
allowed Cirno her business with the other human. After they destroyed Cirno’s Gunky, you beat
her face and terrorized her with a blade.”
“May I ask a question, Lady Whiterock?” I said.
She said nothing, waited for me. My thought had been right. By talking, I could keep her from
actually doing anything.
“If not for the other two,” I said, “I would have killed Cirno right then, and you would’ve never
heard of it. Does my sparing her life count for nothing?”
“Delve not deeper into hypotheticals,” said Letty. “If not for those two humans, no reason
would Cirno have to be there. Now that things happened as they have, a choice is before you.
You may either offer Cirno some service or token of apology, or refuse and take your chances
with me. What say you?”
A good question. What I could do to make a fairy happy, short of being turned into a
snowman? But if I fought Letty, she would kill me. My knives wouldn’t hurt her, and I there was
no way I could ​shift​ to my advantage. I considered walking away, but I wouldn’t get far before
my ​shift f​ ailed me. I couldn’t escape even if I ran faster than a mountain cat, now that Letty had
noticed me. She was everywhere. She ​was ​winter in Gensokyo.
Wait. That was an idea, wasn’t it? A smile pulled at my face, but I fought it down.
“I have a service I can offer,” I said. “But I have a condition for explaining it.”
Letty snorted. The noise of a noblewoman looking down on a commoner.
“Why should I accommodate any condition of yours?” she said.
“Because I offer this service to you, as well,” I said.
“Do you? You assert this service is of value to both Cirno and myself?”
“I do.”
“Then name your condition.”
“That I explain the service to you alone, and Cirno not hear of it.”
“Aw!” said Cirno. She kicked at the snow, sending a short spray towards me. “That’s not fair!”
Letty put a hand over her breast, her mouth open in polite shock. She made a genteel “​Oh!​ ”
noise. As if the commoner had picked his nose in front of the noblewoman.
“The one you owe is Cirno,” she said. “She has a right to know how amends are made.”
“Aren’t you her patron?” I said. “You can judge on her behalf whether the service is worth how
I made her suffer.” I made eye contact with Cirno when I said that last word.
“I can,” said Letty. “But understand. If I humor your condition, and I judge the service
unworthy, then your apology will be considered forfeit immediately.”
In other words, put on a good show or die.
“I understand,” I said.
“Good. Then give me a moment.” Letty looked down to Cirno at her side. “I need you to go
play in the snow, little one. The human and I must speak in private.”
“​Nooo!​” Cirno moaned. “Cirno never gets to spend time with you.”
“The time when you see me again comes shortly,” said Letty. She still held Cirno’s hand on
her own, and she put her free hand on Cirno’s cheek. Comforting her. “Go now. This business is
long.”
Cirno mashed her fist into her face, and she sniffed. I had to look away to keep laughing
myself breathless. The fairy was crying.
“Why are you always so ​busy​?” said Cirno.
Letty used her hold in Cirno’s face to look her in the eyes. “Enough, little one. You see the
snow, yes? You like to play in the snow.”
Cirno went limp under Letty’s gaze. The fairy’s arms fell to her sides.
“Yes. Cirno likes the snow.”
Letty put her palm on Cirno’s forehead and gave her a push. The fairy fell flat on her back,
and sunk into the snow. It enveloped her, as if she had fallen into jelly.
“Then go swim,” said Letty. “And wait for me.”
 I could barely hear the ​crmp crmp crmp o ​ f snow moving under the surface as Cirno burrowed
away from us. I couldn’t tell which direction she went. She left no trail, and the sound was soon
gone.
“Done with that,” said Letty. She looked back to me. “Your condition is met.”
“Thank you.” I bowed my head to her. “She said you’re busy.”
“Yes, sadly.” Letty stepped closer to me, getting within comfortable speaking distance. She left
no footprints in the snow. “The protracted season has also protracted my workload. Winter is
meant as time for cleansing, in preparation for renewal. That time would rightly have passed by
now, and so occupies me with ensuring the continued life of flora, fauna and ​youkai​ of
Gensokyo. This task is one to which the winter spirit is unsuited.”
I smiled. This time, I couldn’t keep it down. It was just as I thought.
“Who normally does it?” I said. “The spring spirit?”
Letty nodded. “She begins the process. Lily White is her name. But she is absent. I search
Gensokyo from one side of the Boundary to the other, but nowhere do I find her.”
This was better than I had hoped. I could get information out of Letty, and she wouldn’t
suspect that of me. I was only expressing polite interest, as far as she cared. ​Youkai ​love to talk
about themselves. They’re no different from humans in that way.
“Do you know what happened to the spring?” I said.
“I believe I do,” said Letty. “But without surety, since Lily can give no confirmation. For the
last several months, an unusual human has traveled all around Gensokyo. It appears as a short,
cloaked figure—”
My heart skipped a beat.
“—and it deploys a magical artifact to gather the ambient energy in its proximity. The human
then retreats through a gate in the wild, not far from here.” She nodded toward the Forest of
Magic. “On the far side of the magician’s wood.”
“A gate?” I said. I pictured a big set of double doors, like those China guarded at the Scarlet
Mansion, standing out in the middle of nowhere.
“Not a ordinary gate, mind you,” said Letty. “I assume it leads somewhere other than
Gensokyo, but I know not where. The human disappears into it for only a short while before
returning to steal more of this country’s essence.”
“And this has gone on for ​months?​ ” I said. “Why haven’t you done anything?”
Letty narrowed her eyes at me. I regretted shooting my mouth off.
“Believe me, human. If there were anything to be done, it would be. The thief uses an
unnatural method of travel. It wields a sword that can cut the very air. By stepping through these
cuts, it can move instantly from place to place. No way is there for me to know where the thief
appears, until it has stolen and is gone again.”
That was my villain, all right. The strange-talking girl I had confronted in Reimu’s courtyard.
“You said she returns to the gate regularly,” I said. “Why not wait there until she shows?”
Letty leaned toward me. “I never mentioned the thief’s gender. How do you know it?”
“I think I met her, an evening ago.”
“Did you? Few of the ​youkai i​ n my care have also chanced upon the thief, but they all now are
dead. Returned to the energy of Gensokyo that made them. The thief expertly wields a blade. As
for your suggestion, lying in wait upon the gate, it already had occurred to me. The gate stands
guarded by a force of magic that defies me. I approach it, and am repelled. I look into it, and my
sight fails.”
I wrapped my arms around myself. I liked to think it was the cold wearing me down. Worse
than that, I hated to think there might be something in Gensokyo powerful enough to override
an elemental. That was the same as being stronger than the weather itself. Stronger than
lightning strikes and tornadoes.
Could there be a being with ​that ​much power?
It didn’t matter. Not for now. It was time to play my hand. And thanks to Letty’s explanation,
I knew just how to play it.
“That brings me to the service I offer to Cirno and yourself,” I said. “I’ll do what you can’t. I’ll
find the thief and return Gensokyo’s spring.”
Letty was taken aback. She blinked at me. Then she smiled, and she laughed, again like a
noblewoman. ​A ha ha ha ha​!
“Will you now?” she said. “And tell me, why might I deem that a worthy service? Cirno hates
nothing worse than winter’s end. Did you not see her frolic in the snow?”
“I did,” I said. “But I also saw her concern for you. If I return the spring for your sake, Cirno
will be happy to see you become well again.”
“Already am I ​well,​ human. My life and the winter are one in the same.”
“That’s exactly your problem,” I said. “You’ve been stretched beyond yourself. You need rest.”
Letty looked away from me. Her shoulders drooped. Dark circles appeared under her eyes.
She seemed shorter than she had a minute ago.
“You know not what you speak,” she said, sulking.
I unfolded my arms, held a hand out to her. “I’ve been around ​youkai ​my whole life. I know
how they live. And how they die.”
Letty changed before my eyes. Her hair faded from vibrant lavender to brittle, snowy white.
Her face sagged, running through the wrinkles and care lines. Her eyes grew gray and rheumy,
and bags hung under them. She stooped forward as the top of her back arched into a hunch.
“I worked so hard to hide it,” she said. Her voice was dry and craggy. “Could you tell? Just by
seeing me?”
I shook my head. “It was intuition. You were beautiful a moment ago.”
She laughed again. This time, an old woman’s cackle. ​Gya heh heh​!
“Which is to say I no longer am,” she said. “But yes. As little faith as I have in your ability to
carry out your offer, it more than balances your hurting Cirno. If you could actually accomplish
it, I would then be indebted to you.”
“Is it that bad?” I said.
Letty closed her eyes. Her eyelids were transparent flaps of skin. Her cheeks drooped into
jowls. She kept aging.
“No capacity have humans to imagine,” she said. “Weariness beyond description burdens me.
I yearn for the death withheld from me. To melt and become the mountain runoff. For the birds
and beasts to wake from me. To lay still for the warm months, and be born anew when the
seasons again turn.”
“Then throw in something extra,” I said. “Clear the debt that Reimu Hakurei owes Cirno.”
 “Gladly, if you return Gensokyo’s spring.” Letty turned to face me, wrenching around the
ancient bones in her spine. “But what if you fail?”
“Then my life is yours,” I said.
Which was true in more ways than one. If the long winter weren’t ended, it would kill me
along with the rest of Gensokyo. It made no difference whether Letty struck me down or her
season did it for her.
“Yes,” she said. “So let the aforementioned terms be our agreement. Do you accept?”
I nodded. “I accept.”
Letty dissolved. Her whole self turned white, just as when she first materialized from the
snow. She shrunk and deformed, flattening out at my feet, like a wax statue melting. Except
when she had completely melted, there was no puddle left behind. Only smooth snow.
I stood alone in an open field, in the middle of snowed-over Gensokyo. In the distance ahead
of me stood the Forest of Magic. I was cold and tired. The trip seemed more than I could do, but
I had nowhere else to go.
I pulled up my scarf and started walking.

Chapter Six

I was going to rub this in Reimu’s face ​so h​ ard. Not only did I survive her stupidity, but I
bailed her out of trouble at the same time.
I didn’t know how I would return Gensokyo’s spring​, b ​ ut I knew where to start. First, I had to
make it home. Tell my mistress what I had learned. Then we could form a party and head for
that gate in the wilderness. Remilia and I, China and Patchouli. We would have to bring Flandre,
since we couldn’t leave her home alone with Koakuma. But even the mistress’s little sister could
help, so long as she kept Lavatein. The going would be easy with five of us. Our librarian might
not want to travel through heavy snow, but I wouldn’t let that stop me. Patchouli is small. I
would carry her on my back if I had to.
What to expect once we reached the gate? Letty couldn’t approach it, but maybe because she
was an elemental. The gate’s barrier might not resist beings who were less magical in nature, like
the ​youkai I​ lived with. Or in my case, a being with no magic at all. After all, the cloaked ​spring
thief had to get in and out of the place. Maybe she could only because she was human.
I had a more immediate problem. Night was coming on fast. The gray sky was too quickly
darkening. I needed to get out of the cold. I was still angry, so I wouldn’t seek out Marisa’s place.
Others lived in the Forest of Magic, or so I had heard.
My plan was to enter the Forest and look for a beaten path. Mages are reclusive, but they still
have to go shopping. Trails would lead out of the woods and to the main road. I could follow one
of those trails back to a mage’s home. I wouldn’t get a warm welcome, but I might get a night’s
room and board if I promised Lady Scarlet’s friendship. I didn’t like using my mistress’s name
for my own gain, but I didn’t see any other options. Remilia wouldn’t want me to freeze to death.
Then again, did Remilia’s title carry that much weight? Within the last year or so, I had
learned something that awed me. The most important person in my life was little known in
Gensokyo. That was for the best, given who lived in the Scarlet Mansion, but it still surprised
me. The commoners thought the mansion was abandoned, or a nest for wild fairies. Who would
want to live there, so far away from the support of the villages?
I saw a thing that halted these thoughts tumbling through my mind. There were footprints in
the snow.
“What’s this?” I said, stopping to look at them.
The tracks were small, patterned holes in the snow, as if a child had gone walking by here
recently. Since no human kids would be out here, it must be a ​youkai ​trail. The footprints ran at
an angle to mine, almost perpendicular. They still led off into the Forest, but far from where I
had been heading.
I was closer to the Forest. If I kept walking, I would be under the canopy in an hour. I could
ignore these footprints, or I could follow them. They might lead to a hot meal and a warm bed.
Or they might lead to a monster who would try to eat my face. I wasn’t confident that I could
defend myself. I was cold and stiff, aching and weary. A hostile beast could cut me down before I
noticed it.
I took in a chestful of cold air, let it out. My breath appeared in a small cloud.
“What would my mistress have me do?” I said.
That was no question at all. Between a known risk and an unknown risk, Remilia would
always take the known. Just as she had taken the known risk of convincing her sister to live in an
underground box.
I smacked a hand on my forehead.
“Stop ​thinking a​ bout that!” I yelled. “She did it for Flandre’s sake!”
Convinced her sister to live in an underground box. Convinced her into a life not worth living,
instead of death by sunlight. Kept in that life so long that her mind frayed to nothing, and she
almost destroyed Gensokyo. And would have, had her two saviors not appeared.
How had Flandre said it? ​The witch and the priestess.
I clenched my jaw so hard that my teeth hurt. I ground my gloved fists into my temples.
“It doesn’t matter anymore!” I said.
Which was the biggest lie I had ever told myself. I knew it. But it was enough to get my feet
moving again.
I followed the footprints.

---

I made it to the Forest, but the day was nearly gone. Another problem I hadn’t considered
before leaving Reimu and Marisa behind. I had no light source. I had given Marisa the
spellcards, and I wasn’t carrying a sparklamp. The night would blind me. Losing track of the
footprints was my smallest problem. I might trip over roots or fallen branches, step on some
hibernating animal and get my toes bitten off. If I didn’t find the end of the footprints soon, I
would have to wait until morning. That wouldn’t do me any good. I would be a lump of frozen
Sakuya by sunrise.
Even without the failing light, the footprints were harder to follow in the woods. The snow
was thin under the trees. I had to bend over to see the tracks, putting my nose halfway to the
ground as I walked.
That was a mistake. I followed the prints right into a tree trunk. The top of my head smashed
into the bark. Pain cracked down my skull and into my neck. I clapped my hands over my head
and fell onto my backside. A “​Grrrr​!” came of my throat, wordless suffering and frustration.
“Wow!” said a voice. “That looked like it hurt! Are you okay, lady?”
I wasn’t surprised, and I didn’t look around for the voice’s owner. My head was still too close
to splitting open. I rocked back and forth, hands clamped down over my hair, waiting for the
pain to fade.
“Lady?” said the voice. “Can you hear me?”
I ignored it.
“Um, lady? I don’t wanna bug you when your putting your head back together. But I, um. I
kinda need some help.”
“Then you can wait five seconds,” I said through grit teeth.
“Oh. Okay.”
The voice counted in a whisper. “​One Yakumo. Two Yakumo. Three Yakumo. Four
Yakumo​....”
Yakumo? That’s not the word children use to time their numbers. It sounded like somebody’s
name.
“Okay,” said the voice. “You feel better now?”
I did, actually. My head didn’t hurt quite so badly, though I would have a bump on my scalp. I
looked up.
“Where are you?” I said.
“Up here!” said the voice.
I craned my neck back, looked up into the tree above me. I saw something in the branches. I
blinked twice to make sure my eyes weren’t fooling me. A figure sat on a heavy bough, her legs
squeezed up under her. Two long, ropey things stuck off her back, like a pair tails.
I stood up to get a better look. I brushed the snow and dirt off my trousers. “Are you stuck up
there?”
The girl laughed. “Me? No! I’ve climbed trees ​way b ​ igger than this. It’s my hat.” She pointed
to the tree’s outer branches. Few feet away from her, what looked like a beret hung off the tip of
one branch. It was out of her reach, high up off the ground. That branch was too light to support
her. She couldn’t get at the hat.
“How did your hat end up there?” I said.
“Well, kinda embarrassing,” said the girl. “I climbed up to try and catch a bird for dinner. It
noticed me and flew right in my face. Knocked my hat off. So I lost my dinner ​and ​my hat. Not a
good deal.”
 Why did she even wear a hat while climbing trees? Only in Gensokyo would that make any
sense. Most women believe that being seen outdoors without headwear is no better than going
out naked. I never understand fashion trends.
“You want me to get it down?” I said.
“If you can, lady. That’s my only hat. My Ran would get really mad if I lost it.”
“Who would be mad?” I said. ​“​Mairan?”
I didn’t care about her family. I asked only because I didn’t know what I had heard.
​ an. Not your Ran. I bet you don’t even have a Ran.”
“No, silly lady,” said the girl. “​My R
I regretted asking. I didn’t want to know who Ran was, or why he would care if a hat got lost.
“I’ll get your hat down,” I said. I turned my eyes to the beret hanging off the branch. I reached
into my pocket and duplicated a knife. I held the blade up by my ear, took aim, and flicked my
wrist forward.
The knife went spinning up through the air. It hit the branch, just beside the hat, and snapped
the tip off. It wasn’t the kind of work my knives are made for, but a solid object was enough to
shake the hat free. The knife’s spin was spoiled by hitting its target. It flew on past the tree and
fell somewhere deeper in the woods. I didn’t see where it landed.
The hat fell. It nearly snagged on another branch on its way down, but turned free of it, and
dropped to the ground.
“Yay!” said the girl.
I walked over to the hat, picked it up and brushed it off. In the time it took me to do that, the
girl had already slipped down from one branch to another, landed lightly on the forest floor. She
pranced up to me. Yes, ​pranced, ​and took the hat from my hand.
“Thank you, lady!” she said. “How can I repay you?”
I couldn’t answer. I was too busy trying to understand what I saw.
The girl stood before me. She looked young, but tall and skinny for her age. Her head came up
to my ribs. But when I say ​head​, I don’t count the huge feline ears that stuck up from her hair.
They twitched as she looked at me, turned back and forth as we talked. Her left ear was pierced
with a small golden ring. Those two ropey tail things were actual tails. They came out the back of
her dress. She wasn’t clothed for this weather, but that didn’t mean much for a ​youkai. S ​ ome
species don’t mind extreme temperatures.
“What...,” I said. “What are you?”
“I’m a Chen, is what I am,” she said. She put the beret on her head, couched between her ears.
“What’s your name, lady?”
“I’m Sakuya,” I said. “But I’ve never heard of a ​chen ​breed of ​youkai​ before.”
“I sure hope not. I’m the only one.” She put a finger to the side of her head. “Oh! You meant
what ​kind​ I am. Well, my Ran says I’m a ​nekomata,​ but I don’t know that means. Anyway, you
were nice and got my hat for me. I should return a favor.” She put her finger to her forehead,
made a thoughtful purring sound. ​Mrrrr​. “I know! Are you hungry? We can go to my place and
have dinner.”
That was exactly what I wanted to hear. I didn’t know what kind of ​place t​ his cat girl would
have, or if I would want any of her food. But I was desperate.
“I’d love to,” I said. “If I’m not imposing.”
“Not even!” she said. “Come with me. It’s not far.”
 ​ esture. I followed.
She turned and headed off, waving her hand in a ​come here, come here g

---

Chen skipped along, her tails whipping the air behind her. She made sport of the woods
around us. If we passed near a bush, she went out of her way to jump over it. If a tree branch was
low enough, she leaped up to grab it with both hands, swinging herself forward like an acrobat.
She led me past a wide gully, a natural trench with sharp slopes. I spent at least ten minutes
lowering myself down one side and scaling up the other, grabbing at roots, hoping the ground
didn’t disintegrate under me. Chen waited. She passed the time by jumping back and forth from
one lip of the trench to the other, always landing on all fours. It was nothing to her. She hopped
the gully like I might step over a crack in the floor.
I pushed myself to keep up with her. Not only did she take the terrain better, but she could
move faster. I could have intermittently ​shifted t​ o stay close behind her, but I was exhausted. I
couldn’t ​shift ​without giving myself a huge headache. Not only that, but I didn’t want Chen to
see me instantly moving from one spot to another. She already knew of my skill with a knife. For
now, I would let her think that was all I could do.
Before long, Chen’s footfalls took on a rhythm. She started humming in time with her steps.
Humming grew into words, and she sang a poem as she guided me through the trees.

We seek the love that lasts forever.

We seek the passion that goes on and on.
We may not know it, but we’ve craved it so long.

Trying ourselves for worse and better.

Guessing the tune so we can sing along.
Mimicking in vain those who show us they’re strong.

Imagine, if you can, a life forever

Spent with your dearest of friends.
Such life waits for us, when this painful
Night of godless heartbreak finally ends.

Loved, your song may be. Sing it and see

That this song is not your own.
All good things you have
Were sent to you from home.

My daily life brings me such despair.

Anger, fear and pain are all I can see.
People don’t know what kind of monsters they can be.

I plead with my heart to forgive them,

 And more so myself, so I can live in peace.
Let go my grudges and give them the love we need.

Some days, it seems so hard, doing to others

As you’d have them to unto you.
This trial strengthens us to love each other
No matter all the awful things we do.

For, a day comes soon, a day when you

Will learn what you’ve been living for.
Then, if you let go, Such hurts matter no more.

How would carefree ​youkai ​child learn such a song?

I was about to start complaining when Chen reached her destination. She led me into a
clearing the size of the Scarlet Mansion’s courtyard. I could tell this hadn’t always been a
clearing. Tree stumps dotted the ground. Much of the underbrush had been cleared, leaving a
carpet of soft forest grass. I could ​see t​ he grass, since it wasn’t covered in a foot of snow. The far
side of the clearing was backed by the cross-section of a hill, which shielded the place from the
worst of the weather.
When I say ​cross-section​, I mean just that. It was a mostly flat wall of earth. It was dotted
through with rocks, and roots hung out like hairy feelers. It looked as if someone had cut a hill
right down the middle.
“Here we are!” said Chen, dancing into the clearing. She twirled around twice before giving
me a deep curtsy. “Welcome, Sakuya, to the future site of Mayohiga.”
I stepped into the clearing, pointed to the half-hill. “What is that?”
Chen looked behind her. “That? Oh, well. My Ran didn’t want me to try and start a village in
the forest. But I thought this was a good place. Lots of ​youkai ​live here already. My Ran said—”
Chen changed her voice, spoke in a deep and gruff impersonation of someone. “—Hurm! Well, if
you’re gonna live in a clearing in the woods, you’ll need some special land!” She spoke normally
again. “You know? So people could tell where the place was. And I thought, well, what’s special
in the forest? It’s not a real hilly place. So my Ran broke a hill and brought it here.”
“​Broke ​a hill?” I said. “By himself?”
Chen scrunched her eyebrows at me. She didn’t know what I was talking about. Then she
laughed.
“No, no!” she said, smiling and slapping her knee. “My Ran’s a ​she,​ not a ​he. ​Though I know
why you’d make that mistake.” Chen flexed her arms down, like a bodybuilder showing off.
“She’s all muscle. Her boobs are like rocks.”
I put a hand over my mouth, and felt my cheeks go hot.
“She must be strong,” I said. “I mean, moving a hill? That would take weeks, even for a team
of men with shovels.”
Chen waved me off. “Nah. Only took her a minute. Anyway, you look cold. Let’s go inside.”
 ---

Up against the half-hill stood a small hut. It was built like an upside-down bird’s nest, made
of mud and twigs and anything else that would hold together. The door was an opening covered
by a flap of grass thatch. Chen pulled the thatch open, waved me in. It was too dark to see inside.
“You live in there?” I said.
“Not really. My house is ​far​ that way.” She pointed off in the direction we had come from.
“Way up in the mountains. But I’m staying out here for a while, to try and get Mayohiga started.”
She again motioned me into the hut. “Come on in. I didn’t get the bird for dinner, but I think I’ve
got some leftover rabbit.”
I hesitated. A better-rested Sakuya would never enter a dwelling made entirely of dirt. The
current beat-to-death Sakuya was considering it.
“I don’t know if I’ll fit,” I said.
“It’s roomier than it looks. Part of the hill’s dug out in back. Here. I’ll show you.” Chen went
into the hut herself. She had to crouch to get through the opening. She disappeared in the dark,
all but her arm holding the door flap open.
“All right,” I said. I got on my hands and knees, crawled in after her. I was grateful the cold
had numbed my nose. Whatever was in here, I didn’t want to smell it.
I got in past Chen. She let the door fall shut, and closed us in darkness. I blinked a few times,
hoping my eyes would adjust. They didn’t. I waved my hand in front of my face. Nothing.
“See?” said Chen, somewhere to my side. “Not so bad, right? Kinda gritty, but at least it keeps
the wind out.”
She was right. It wasn’t so cold in here. The heat of two bodies would warm it after a while.
“I don’t see anything,” I said. “It’s too dark in here.”
She made an inquisitive sound, like a cat moaning for attention. ​Mrrrow?​
“I can see fine,” she said. “Your eyes aren’t that good, huh? That’s okay. Some of us are like
that. You can rest on the bed while I dig up some food.”
“How am I supposed to know where the bed is?”
There was a smile in Chen’s voice. “Put your right hand out. No, down. A little more. There.
Feel that?”
I did. My right glove had gone from pressing into the hut’s grass floor to touching some kind
of cloth. I padded my hand over it, feeling it out. It wasn’t a real bed. Not even a futon. But even
a quilt on the ground was better than nothing. I slowly crawled over to it. I didn’t want to bump
the hut’s wall. I might put a hole through it, or make the whole thing collapse on us.
“There better not be any bugs in your bed,” I said.
“Only if you brought some with you, lady. My Ran told me, if you gotta live in dirt, live in
clean dirt.”
I lowered myself onto the quilt, and realized I was still geared for travel. My coat, cloak and
pack were all on my back. I shrugged them off, set them beside the bed. I laid myself down, and
let out a groan of relief. I hurt all over. It was good hurt, the feeling of rest after hard labor. My
legs and shoulders throbbed with each beat of my heart. I was going to spend the night in this
spot. I couldn’t have moved if I wanted to.
 I heard Chen rummaging on the other side of the hut. When she had said ​dig up s​ ome food, I
hoped she hadn’t mean it literally.
“I meant to ask you something,” she said. “Why was a Sakuya following my footprints? At
first, I thought you were hunting me. That’s why I didn’t say hi until you bumped your head on
the tree.”
I draped one arm over my forehead. “I was looking for help. I needed a place to sleep.”
Chen pulled in a quick breath. I could almost see her ears perking in interest.
“You can sleep here!” she said. “Stay as long as you want. Stay ​longer ​than you want.”
That was more enthusiastic hospitality than I expected to find in this forest.
“Kind of you,” I said.
“It’s actually selfish of me. I’m so selfish that I want to ask you something I really shouldn’t
ask.”
“You can ask.”
“Okay. Just, don’t feel pressure to say yes, all right? It’s a big thing. I’m kinda embarrassed
even saying it, but I really think I should, because you never know for sure—”
“Just ask me, Chen.”
She sighed. “Okay. Will you live with me here, Sakuya?”
Much ​more enthusiastic.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I already have a home.”
“Oh.” I imagined her ears drooping in disappointment. “Never mind then. You can still spend
the night, if you want.”
“Thank you.”
“But thought you didn’t live anywhere. If you have a home, why’re you out here and not
there?”
“I could ask the same of you,” I said. “If you live in the mountains, why start a village in the
woods?”
She answered without a pause, didn’t notice I had turned her question back on her.
“I’m not doing it for ​me,​” she said. “I just thought, you know. Humans do so good because
they stick together. They live in villages and stuff. But ​youkai ​don’t really do that. They just
wander around and eat and sleep. I used to do that too, until my Ran found me. I’m a lot happier
with us together.”
I was impressed. The majority of ​youkai ​are no smarter than animals, just like Chen
described them. But she was above that. She wanted to pass along her happiness. She wanted to
do a good thing. Caring about others, even in abstract, showed how high-level of a ​youkai s​ he
was. On rank with some of the Scarlet Mansion.
Ran, whoever she was, deserved some credit. Chen might have been little more than a cat
when Ran found her.
“So you want to start a ​youkai v​ illage?” I said. “Then why invite me?”
“Why not? I didn’t know you already lived somewhere. Looked kinda homeless to me, walking
around all lonely in the snow.”
How true that was. My chest hurt when I thought about seeing my mistress again.
“No,” I said. “I meant, why invite a human if you wanted it ​youkai-o ​ nly?”
“Huh? I didn’t invite a human.”
 “You invited me,” I said. Maybe she wasn’t as high-level as I thought.
“What’re you saying? You’re​— o ​ oh!” She laughed, like a child who sees through the prank an
adult plays on her. “Thought you’d get me with that one, huh? I bet they even let you in the
human villages, if you pretend.”
​ uman,” I said. “Don’t I look like one?”
“I ​am h
“Lots of things look human that aren’t. Besides, you’re colored all wrong.”
I opened my mouth, but I had nothing to say. She was right. I wasn’t like other human
women. Most girls in Gensokyo look like Reimu Hakurei. Dark hair, dark eyes, tan skin. Plain
and boring. The lucky ones look more like Marisa Kirisame, with lighter shades of brown. But
none of them look like me.
Not only am I taller, but my hair is silver. My eyes are blue. No human in Gensokyo had those
colors. I had never thought how strange that was. I spent my whole life around beings who made
me look ordinary. Patchouli had purple eyes. China’s hair was red like ruby. My mistress’s eyes
were bloody scarlet. Compared to all that, silver and blue were just two more colors.
But I’m human. Why did I look different?
“So,” I said. “Because my hair isn’t black, I’m a ​youkai​?”
“That’s how some people tell,” said Chen. “But my Ran taught me, only one good way.” She
sniffed. “Gotta smell it out.”
I smiled. Maybe Ran was a cat too.
“And what do I smell like?”
“I don’t know. You smell like a Sakuya, I guess. Not a human. I wouldn’t bring a human here.
I don’t like them.”
“Neither do I,” I said.
“Good. Anyway, I found the rabbit. Still hungry?”
I was glad I couldn’t see what she was offering me.
“Not hungry enough for meat,” I said, which was a lie. If it were civilized meat, like poultry or
pork or beef, I would have some. But I don’t have a taste for game animals. “There’s some bread
in my pack. I’ll eat that. You want some?”
“Nah. I’ll have the rabbit.”
So she did. I heard munching and snapping from her side of the hut. Again, very glad I was
blind in here. The sounds were bad enough. I reached for my pack. By feel alone, I dug out two
of the flat cakes. They tasted worse than they had this morning, but food is food.
We ate without talking. I felt better than I had half an hour ago. I was still tired, but having a
place to rest made the difference. After I had forced down both the cakes, I was ready to sleep. I
folded up my coat and used it for a pillow. I threw my cloak over me as a blanket. I was still in
my outdoor gear otherwise. My boots, gloves and scarf. I was too worn out to care.
“Time for bed?” said Chen.
“Yes,” I said.
“Me too. I ran around all day.”
“Goodnight, then.”
I relaxed under my cloak, closed my eyes. I had one second of silence before Chen tried to
crawl into bed with me. I jumped when she touched me. We were both lucky I didn’t knock the
hut down.
 “What are you doing?” I put my hand on her face, pushing her away. “You said I could have
the bed!”
“Yeah, but not all to yourself!” She pushed back. “Where do I sleep if you hog the bed?”
“You’re a cat. Go curl up in the corner or something.”
“I’m no more a cat than you’re a human. House rules, lady. Share the bed or get out of it.”
I stopped resisting. I was too tired to put up any more of a fight.
“There,” she said, getting under the cloak and curling up next to me. “It’s warmer like this,
see?”
It was. Being this close, I felt how hot she was. A human this warm would have been dying of
fever. No wonder the cold didn’t bother her.
“All right,” I said. “I’m trusting you.”
“Me too. Keep those knives put away, yeah?”
I nodded. I didn’t know if she could see it, but she was close enough to feel it. I eased. Before I
realized it, I had hugged Chen around the middle and held her against me. Fittingly enough, this
felt just like sleeping with an oversize cat in the bed. Her breathing made a soft purring, coming
from her chest.
My darker thoughts surfaced. Chen was a skinny thing. She was small, curled up to me. How
delicate her ribs were under my arms. If I squeezed hard enough, I might feel them pop apart. I
could compress the air out of her. Hear her wheeze out a breath, and be unable to pull in a
replacement. It was a shame there was no light in here. I wanted to see the look in her eyes, that
terrified panic, as she suffocated with her mouth wide open.
Shut up!​ I silently screamed at my dark thoughts. I didn’t want to be Sakuya the killer.
My murderous impulses went away. For now.
“Sakuya?” said Chen.
“Mmph?” I said.
“One last thing. I gotta confess, I lied to you before. A bird didn’t knock my hat off. I threw it
in the tree on purpose. If you helped me, I’d get an excuse to bring you here. I just....” She
swallowed. “I really want Mayohiga to happen.”
“I forgive you,” I said. “Can we sleep now?”
“Yeah.”
We did.
Chapter Seven

Do you remember the warning I gave at the beginning? You can’t judge, I said. If you don’t
remember, then go back and read it again. This is where it matters. We’ve come to the part of my
story that will make you hate me.
I’m not trying to sound sorry for myself. I’m no victim. Nor am I trying any stupid
reverse-thinking tricks, preemptively saying you’ll hate me so I can get your sympathy. I’m only
stating a fact. When you see what happened, you will detest the person named Sakuya Izayoi. I
know. When I think back on it, I detest her too.
I renew my warning. Keep reading only if you can see a person apart from her deeds. If you
can’t, then spare yourself some rage and put this story down.
I mean it.

---

Your eyes have come this far down the page, which means you intend to go on. So be it.
I don’t know how long I slept in Chen’s hut, but I must have passed the night. I was asleep
long enough to dream.
 Most human dreams aren’t like those you typically read in stories. You might expect some
long, consistent dream full of cryptic symbols and meaning. Almost like a story in and of itself.
This night, my dreams were usual. Many fragmented images, sounds and feelings. There was
no symbolism, but literal truth. The truth of what had happened, what I wanted, and what I
feared.
I dreamt of being warm. Sleeping in my own bed, working in my own kitchen. I chopped fresh
vegetables on a cutting board, and nicked my finger on the knife. I dreamt of my mistress. She
was taller than me, as she had been when I was a small child. She took me in her arms and loved
me. She forgave me everything I had ever done wrong, because she knew what it was like. To do
terrible things and have to live with yourself after.
I dreamt of Marisa. I saw that she would forgive me too, if I gave her the chance. I dreamt of
Reimu. With her, I tried to make things better. I tried to forgive her and apologize, but I didn’t
do it the right way. I made a mistake, held something back that I should have given her. Our
hatred exploded, and we destroyed each other.
“Sakuya! Wake up!”
As it always happens, the dream ended on that climax. Chen was shaking me, hissing into my
ear.
I groaned. I meant to say, “What is it?” But my mouth wasn’t fully working. I ended up saying,
“Whua eh wha?”
“Humans!” said Chen, shaking me harder. “Two humans are coming! Can’t you smell them?”
I worked my eyelids up and down. It was still dark in the hut, but I could see threads of light
through the thatch door. It was morning outside.
Chen shook me harder. “I need your help! We gotta protect Mayohiga. I’ll go out and get the
jump on them. Follow me!”
She let me go, and I rolled back into the bed. I felt like I could lie here for a solid day. Sleeping
on the ground hadn’t been good for me. My hips hurt, deep in my bones. My left arm was numb,
full of burning pins and needles. My neck was so badly cricked that I might spend the rest of my
life with my ear on my shoulder.
I had only a moment to experience these pains. Chen threw the thatch door open and dashed
out into the clearing. Cold air blasted into the hut. I yelped, but it woke me. Like having a bucket
of ice water dumped on me.
I heard a scream.
Human beings are still animals in many ways. Our bodies are made to react to certain things.
If we see food, we have the urge to eat it. If we see an attractive mate, we have the urge to
reproduce. If we sense another person is in danger, our ​fight or flight​ response kicks in, so we
can deal with the threat.
The scream had that affect on me. Hot fear spread in my chest. My heartbeat picked up. I had
to find where the scream had come from, and why. I thrashed my limbs to get my cloak off me.
My left arm was still numb, but it moved when I told it to.
A new sound kicked my emotions up another notch. Reimu’s voice yelling, “​Marisa!​ ”
No. Those two couldn’t be here.
 I got on my hands and knees, stumbled to the door. It had flapped shut after Chen went out. I
tore it open and piled out of the hut, barely keeping my stiff legs straight under me. I looked to
the side of the clearing, and I saw. Things happened quickly.
Marisa was on her knees, at the clearing’s edge. She had a hand pressed to the side of her face.
Blood was seeping out from between her fingers.
Chen stood over her. The fingers on both hands had sprouted claws. Chen had just slashed
Marisa across the face.
Reimu ran into the clearing, coming at Chen. She yelled, “​Get away from her!” S ​ he had
something in her right hand. She wielded it like a weapon. One of my knives.
Chen didn’t retreat. She charged into Reimu. She jumped, grabbed onto Reimu’s shoulders in
mid air, and bit down on her neck. Reimu screamed. She gripped the knife in one fist and
stabbed it into Chen’s side.
A third scream, but this one inhuman. A feline screech of rage and pain. Chen lost her grip on
Reimu and fell to the ground, curled around her wound.
My feet were moving. I flew across the clearing, my long legs eating up the ground. Reimu
saw me coming. She didn’t raise her arms or try to defend herself. She knew it was pointless. I
could have ​shifted ​over. But I wanted her to see me.
I punched Reimu. It was the first time I had ever ​punched ​anything. I didn’t hit her in the
face. I struck the wound Chen had bitten into her neck. The blow jostled her, but wasn’t enough
to knock her down. The pain did that for me. Her face drained of color. Her eyes rolled back, and
she collapsed. She landed on her side, dazed.
“​What are you doing!​ ” I yelled down at her. I turned and went over to Chen.
The cat girl lay on the ground, bunched up in a fetal ball. The rounded base of my throwing
knife stuck out her side, pierced in between her ribs at a sharp angle. A blossom of ​youkai b ​ lood
grew around the wound, staining her vest. She worked for every breath. Her chest rose and fell
sporadically. She coughed, and blood from her mouth spattered on the snowy grass. The knife
had cut her lung.
“Chen!” I knelt down beside her. I beat my mind to tell me what I should do. Was I supposed
to leave the knife in or take it out? Did her breed of ​youkai ​heal quickly? Or not quickly enough
to keep her from dying of exposure?
Turning away from Reimu had been a mistake. It gave her the chance to crawl up behind me.
She stabbed a second knife into of my right calf.

---

The first thing to hit me wasn’t the pain. It was confusion. Where had Reimu gotten ​one ​of my
knives, let alone two?
I had inflicted countless stab wounds, but never suffered one myself. I was amazed at how
much meaty flesh was on the back of my lower leg. The blade never got close to my shinbone.
But I was lame now. I couldn’t walk, and crawling would hurt like my mistress’s anger.
Behind me, Reimu yelled, “Turn about’s fair play!”
I couldn’t stay kneeling. The pain would soon shut me down. But for a few seconds, I still had
my speed. I was ​quick.​ Fast as any human in Gensokyo, and I knew it.
 As I tumbled to the ground, I turned my head to see Reimu. She sat back, legs splayed before
her, holding herself up with her arms. It was perfect. Her neck was right on level with my eyes. I
couldn’t have asked for a better aim.
I copied a knife out of my pocket, and it flew. It seemed to go so slowly. I could see my initials
over and over again, farther and farther away, as the knife spun through the air.
The blade slammed into Reimu’s throat with a wet ​thunk​. Her head snapped back, face turned
to the sky, mouth stretched open. She let out a hacking sound. Blood sprayed up from her
mouth, spurted out her neck, making red dots in the snow around her. She stayed sitting up for
a second longer, then her arms gave out. She fell to her back, and died.

---
Yet another scream rang out into the clearing, this one so high-pitched that it didn’t sound
human.
“​Reimu​!”
Marisa was still on her knees, but no longer holding the claw wound on her face. With her
hand out of the way, I could see how deep her cuts were. A flap of flesh hung off her cheek. She
had pulled out her ​Hakero, ​held it up and aimed at me.
“​Love sign!”​ she screeched. “​Master—​”
She knew her spell was slower than me. I had fallen on my side, but that didn’t stop another
knife from flying. This one didn’t stick as Reimu’s had. It sliced Marisa’s neck open, and then
spun off into the trees. With all the vessels in the neck, hot blood gushed out of her. She dropped
her ​Hakero, ​slapping her hand to her neck as if to keep the blood in​. ​It squirted out from
between her fingers.
She knew she was dying. She tried to take me with her. Her free hand reached out for the
Hakero,​ and grasped it, but had no strength to lift it. She fell forward, face-down in the snow,
and there she died.
Chapter Eight

Was my warning in vain? Did you read on when you shouldn’t have? If you did, perhaps it’s
for the best. You may now hate this story and she who tells it, but that’s no less than I deserve.
I’ve told the truth. What else could I do? Make up sweet, disjointed lies? Say the things we
want to hear? ​Sakuya made amends with Reimu and Marisa. They all became best friends and
lived happily ever after. The end!
I couldn’t do that. Not without hating myself even worse than I already do. Hating myself for
murdering the two humans closest to me. It would dishonor their deaths, and their lives.
It ​was ​murder, after all. This was no killing in self defense. It was hot-blooded, rage-driven
murder. I had killed before. I had killed so many people to become Flandre’s food, back when
she still ate the flesh of humans. But this time was different. This time, I wasn’t killing to serve a
loved one. I wasn’t slaughtering some vagrant I had never met before. I killed two people I ​knew​.
Two people who might have loved me, given enough time. Who might have loved me, if I weren’t
such a monster.
I lay on my side, in the clearing, in the light dusting of snow, in the midmorning light. My
chest heaved for breath. I regarded the two corpses within twenty feet of me, giant red splotches
spreading in the snow around them.
 “I killed again,” I said. There was no feeling in the words. I spoke as if I had spilled a pot of
stew on the kitchen floor.
I looked behind me, to see how the cat girl was doing. “Chen?”
She was gone. The snow was dented in a vague egg shape, marking where she had fallen after
being stabbed. But there was no ​youkai g ​ irl there. A track of footprints led off into the woods.
She hadn’t left my knife behind. Had she walked of with it still stuck in her ribs?
I didn’t care. My survival instinct owned me. First, I had to get the knife out of my leg. I
couldn’t see back there, but I felt the hot wetness on my cold skin. I was losing blood.
I reached back and touched the knife. I hissed and pulled my hand away. Let that wait. It
would be better to leave it in until I was ready to wrap the wound, to minimize bleeding.
I rolled onto my hands and knees, favoring my left leg. It hurt, of course. It hurt worse than I
can describe, so I’ll spare you my failed attempts at describing it. I shook all over. Every muscle
in me trembled. I felt blazing hot one second, frozen cold the next. Shock was setting in. I had to
get my wound tended quickly, or become a quivering invalid and bleed to death on the forest
floor.
I crawled back to Chen’s hut, dragging my useless right leg. I looked back twice as I went, saw
the thin ribbon of bloody snow trailing behind me. That was better than I had feared. I wasn’t
bleeding buckets.
I opened the hut’s thatch door and threw the upper half of my body inside. Now I could see in
here, by the daylight. I had spent the night in a dirty hole. My travel gear was within reach. I
grabbed my cloak. I used a knife to cut a strip of cloth off the cloak’s bottom. It was hard work,
my hands shaking, going everywhere but where I needed them.
Once that was done, it was time to pull the knife out. I curled my leg up, bringing my right
foot as close to my butt as I could. Flexing the muscles ignited fresh pain. I clenched my teeth.
My eyes welled with tears. I wrapped one gloved hand around the base of the knife. That didn’t
give me enough grip, so I tore the glove off and tried with my bare hand. I grasped the knife’s
rounded bottom, and I pulled.
It didn’t move. It seemed like my flesh sucked at the blade, holding it in place. But it hurt
enough. I let out a scream that faded into a whimper. More tears flooded my eyes.
“I have to do this,” I said, gasping for air.
I couldn’t afford to be weak. I couldn’t give in. I grabbed the knife again. This time, I yanked
on it while pulling my leg in the opposite direction. At first, it seemed the knife would say stuck
forever. It started to give way, slowly sliding out of me. My head spun from the pain. I nearly
passed out.
“Don’t faint!” I pleaded with myself. My voice sounded like it came from somewhere other
than my head. I gave the knife one last tug, and it came free from my calf. I dropped the knife on
the ground. More hot blood soaked into my trousers.
I rested for a minute, panting like an overworked dog. I had never done anything so taxing on
my body. The idea of taking a long nap here, lying half in and half out of a dirt hut, seemed
perfectly reasonable. But my survival mind knew better. If I slept here, I would die of the cold.
Moving my limbs felt more like flopping around sacks full of meat, but I grabbed the strip cut
from my cloak. I brought it down to my leg and started wrapping. I pulled the cloth as tight as I
could. Making the wrap too tight would cut off circulation, and I might lose the leg. But not tight
enough, and I wouldn’t stop bleeding. I judged on the side of excess.
The wound was tied, but I didn’t dare take any more rest. I got my coat and what was left of
my cloak, shrugged them both over my shoulders. I left my travel pack behind. All my heavy
clothes were enough of a burden. If I didn’t find help soon, flat cakes wouldn’t save me.
I slid back out of the hut, keeping my right knee bent, so my makeshift tourniquet didn’t
scrape the ground. I fell back on my original plan. Find a beaten path, follow it, and hope to find
a mage’s home. I had to hurry. I would rapidly lose strength the longer I was out here, and the
smell of blood would follow me. A winter ​youkai o ​ r animal would see me as easy prey.
I got on my hands and knees, and I started crawling. My cloak fell around me and dragged
through the snow. I passed by Reimu’s body on my way out of the clearing, but I didn’t look at
her. Didn’t think about her. Didn’t pity her, or hate her, or regret killing her. There was nothing
in me to feel.

---
I crawled. I made better progress than I first thought I would. Pain is easier to endure if
you’re busy with something else. Like pushing yourself over one foot of ground, so you can cover
the next, and the next after that. Navigating between the tree trunks and bushes. Trying not to
catch on any protruding roots or twigs.
“Keep moving,” I said under my breath. “Have to keep moving.”
I found a path not far from the clearing. It was just what I had been looking for. Bare dirt
trampled down after thousands of footfalls. Here I stopped, looking left and right. Which way
should I go? Did one way lead out of the forest, another deeper into it?
I didn’t have to decide. While I making up my mind, something caught my ear.
“​Living sad, from day to day.​ ”
A small, high-pitched voice. Somewhere off in the trees, I saw a faint light. The glow of wings.
“​Your failures leave you without much to say​.”
A fairy came floating down the path, headed towards me. This was trouble. One fairy alone
wouldn’t bother me. But where there’s one, there’s a whole dance of them. Depending on their
number, and how hungry they were, they would swarm me. They would go for my leg first. The
sight of blood would draw them. I couldn’t defend myself.
“​Any try to live happily
“​Must begin learning those truths that you see.​”
And the stupid thing just had to sing. There was one advantage I might press. I laid myself
belly-down on the ground, pressing my cheek into the dirt. I closed my eyes I tried to look like I
wasn’t breathing. When in doubt, play dead. It’s a well-known trick in dealing with hostile
youkai​.
“​Here you say, How can this be?
“​I know all that can be known of life around me.
“​But you know not the lie you speak.
“​There is more in heaven and earth than you can dream of.”​
The fairy was closer. Her voice came through clearly, so I could tell there were no trees
between us. If I opened my eyes, I would see her. But I kept up the corpse act.
 “​Starting now, open your eyes.
“​Be humble enough to know you’ve never realized
“​Just what it takes for lasting peace.
“​Just where can you find that eternal strength to live on?
“​Then you will see that all along
“​Your​ ​lust for the vain pleasures has always been wrong.
“​But there is hope, if you carry on.
“​Even now, it will cherish and love you forever....​”
The fairy noticed me. Took her plenty long enough, I thought. Didn’t she want to float around
for another few stanzas?
“Oh my dear!” she said. I felt the beat of her wings as she flew down near my head. “Is this
person asleep, fainted, or dying? Is she well, unwell, or heartbroken?”
She put a hand on my cheek. From the size of that hand, I knew she was a lesser fairy. She
was the size of a doll, not a human girl. If I hadn’t been so tired, I would have twitched at her
touch.
“She’s not dead, no, thank many goodnesses. But... mercy be! Look at the poor one’s leg! This
is not boding well, no, certainly not. What can I do? What ​should ​I do? Ask the mistress? Yes.
That’s a fine thought. The mistress will know what to do. She knows everything.”
She didn’t talk like a lesser fairy. By the sound of her wings, she was turning to leave. It was
now or never. I opened my eyes, saw the fairy’s back turned to me. She looked like most wild
youkai ​of her level, if better clothes. She wore a frilly winter dress. Her wings moved so quickly
that they blurred to invisible. While I was on her blind side, I reached out and grabbed her.
“Eeek!” she squealed. “I’m caught! The woman who appeared to be asleep, fainted,
heartbroken, dying, and many other conditions, was actually quite well! A mingling turn of
events! What should my reaction be? Shall I be glad for her recovery, scared by my capture, or
instigate a prisoner’s riot? The options are numerous and glorious and—”
She kept talking while I pulled her to the ground and pinned her there. My hand was clamped
around her body. I was ready to hold her head back, in case she tried to bite my fingers. That’s
what most fairies would do, but not this one. She just kept talking.
I pointed a finger in her face. “Be quiet.”
“Oh!” she said. “Yes, ma’am. As you wish, ma’am. Just as you say, ma’am. Your will be done,
ma’am. Whatever you—”
I pressed the tip of my finger over her mouth, silencing her. She didn’t bite.
“​Stop talking,”​ I said.
She nodded against my finger.
“Answer my questions,” I said. “With short answers, or you get the finger. Got it?”
She nodded again.
“Where’s your dance?”
I lifted my finger long enough for her to answer.
“I don’t dance, ma’am. I’m either not very good at it, fairly poor at it, or extremely bad at it. I
have four and a half and three quarters left feet—”
I fingered her mouth again. “No, you idiot. Fairies travel in groups. Where are they?”
It felt good, talking down to a little winged creature. A slice of home away from home.
 I lifted my finger. She spoke. “I don’t modestly know what you mean. I’m not a fairy, if that’s
what you’re asking. That ​is ​what you’re asking, I do hope, for the embarrassment if I
misunderstand you would be mortifying on perennial levels, not to mention potently hazardous
to my heal—”
​ ill be hazardous to your health, if you don’t stop flapping your mouth,” I said. “If you’re
“​I w
not a fairy, then what are you?”
“I don’t have a ​what, ​ma’am. Only a ​who.​ My name is Shanghai.”
“Well then, Shanghai. You said that you had a mistress. Who is she?”
Her eyes glowed. I don’t mean in the human sense, as a figure of speech. Her eyes literally
glowed, swirling lights of gold and blue.
“Ah! My mistress,” she said. “She’s either wonderful, beautiful, all-knowing, or all the of the
above! You would be erratically pleased to meet her, I’m sure.”
“Tell me her name.”
“Oh, I would, ma’am with the oppressively strong hand, but I am forbidden. My mistress
already contends with absorbent numbers of fans throughout Gensokyo. She can hardly step
from the house without being either bombarded, bamboozled, or solicited for autographs by
unsavory personages with less than the noblest of intentions.”
“Fine,” I said. “Does your mistress live near here?”
“Yes, as the fairy flies, ma’am, but the trek would be odorous for a soul wounded in the walk,
such as yourself. Human blood is occipitally apparent down from your right knee.”
“Let me worry about that. If I let you go, will you guide me to your mistress?”
“Oh, it would be the parallax of my pleasure to do so, ma’am. Only a short while ago, I was
either sent to find the source of the screaming, determine if there was a threat, or inform my
mistress of any happenings. I am encumbered with joy to learn, seeing you injured although
alive, our fears were either misfounded, ungrounded, or ill-sounded. No doubt my mistress will
share these feelings pedantically.”
I lifted my hand, letting her go. “Lead on. But don’t go faster than a crawling pace.”
She stood and brushed off her dress. Her wings buzzed to life, carrying her into the air.
“As the mightiest of your wishes carries me, ma’am, so shall mine lead you. Please follow me
arrhythmically.”

---

I followed Shanghai down the forest path. I soon learned why human beings don’t travel on
all fours. Crawling is hard. Our bodies aren’t built for it. After a while, my knees burned, and
then went numb. My wrists ached from holding up my shoulders. The weave of my gloves was
coming undone. I suspected I had torn out one of the knees in my trousers, but I didn’t stop to
look.
Shanghai hovered a few feet above the ground, about two yards ahead of me. Her wings were
bright and colorful, but meant less as the day’s light strengthened. She flew along slowly, as I
had asked. But she had an ulterior motive. It gave her more time to talk.
“This will be good news, very good news. The mistress is in need of such news that’s either
good, better, or best. She has been out of sorts of late. What with the music playing countably, all
night, the night before it, the night after it, the night ​before​ the night before it, the night after the
night before it, the night before the night after it, and so on. It is very lovely music, do not doubt,
question or misconstrue. However, even the loveliest of the lovelier of the lovely things will grow
wearisome precipitously. My poor mistress has been deprived of a proper night’s slumber for
time unretracable. She needs her beauty rest, and it is just so, for so the mistress says, and who
better an authority on the mistress’s condition than she herself? If she were to tell me she is
beautiful, then so she must be, for so she says. If she were to tell me she is brilliant, then so she
precariously is, for so she says, and she speaks what is. What a generous means to educated
ends! Extrapolating truth and offering it for either my gain, benefit, or best interest. What
hardship she has spared me, gratuitously and perfunctorily, teaching me herself, so that I
needn’t enroll in a school for the mentally challenged. And do look! We’ve arrived.”
We came to a big area that had been cleared and leveled flat. Here stood a large, well-kept
house that belonged in some affluent town, not the middle of the woods. Shanghai flew ahead,
looked over her shoulder at me.
“Please wait aggregately, oh stunted and crawling ma’am, so that I may fetch the mistress.”
I was happy to take her advice. I plopped belly-down on the packed earth, my face again
pressed into dirt. The muscles in my arms and legs felt ready to snap from tension. I heard the
house’s front door open and close as Shanghai went in.
Here I waited, lying on the ground. The least comfortable resting spots seem inviting to a
person battered badly enough. I began to think this might be a good place to spend the day. The
door opened again.
“Good grief, Shanghai! What vermin did you bring slithering up to my porch?”
I looked up at this new voice. Coming out of the house was a girl who might have passed for
human, anywhere other than Gensokyo. Blonde hair and blue eyes. Taller than some, but
shorter than me. She wore a light blue, ankle-length dress. Shanghai had spoken truly about her
mistress. She was beautiful. She looked fatigued and frustrated, but she was a hundred miles
less of dirt road than I was.
She looked down on me. Shanghai hovered near her shoulder, wings buzzing.
“And just who are you?” said the woman, fists on her hips. “I don’t accommodate beggars, you
know. Give me a reason why you’re worth my time, or get off my property.”
“I’m no beggar, but I need help.” I tried to get my arms and legs under myself, but they hurt
too much. I spoke to her from the ground. “I can offer the friendship of my mistress, Lady
Scarlet, if you’ll aid me.”
“Lady ​who​?”
No. Just like I feared. My mistress’s name wasn’t as well known as I needed it to be.
“Did you say Lady ​Scarlet​?” said the girl. “As in Remilia Scarlet?”
“Yes!” I said. My heart picked up. Some luck at last. “Of the Scarlet Mansion, on the lake
island. I’m her personal attendant, Sakuya Izayoi.”
“Oh, that’s just too perfect!” She stepped up to me, put a booted foot on my shoulder. “This is
some sick joke at my expense, isn’t it? Did Marisa tell you the name of the librarian? The one she
steals books from?”
This girl knew Marisa? That wasn’t going to help me. I had to keep her away from it.
 “You think I’m trying to pull a hoax?” I said. “Our librarian’s name is Patchouli Knowledge.
Remilia’s younger sister is named Flandre. Our door guard is Hong Meiling, but we call her
China largely because she doesn’t like it. And you....” It clicked into place. “You must be Alice
Margatroid.”
She ​hmph​ed. “Of course you know ​my ​name. Marisa did a good job of getting your story
straight before sending you.”
“Nobody told me your name,” I said. I decided on a different approach. “It’s just... difficult not
to hear. For one so famous.”
Her boot slowly came off my shoulder. “Well, my fame does precede me. But why should I
believe you? If you’re Lady Scarlet’s maid, why are you snaking around in the woods?”
I didn’t want to tell her that. Instead, I offered proof of my identity. I took one of the two
knives from my pocket. I meant to hold it up to her, but I forgot how badly my arms hurt. The
knife dropped on the ground, near my hand.
“There,” I said.
She walked around beside me and picked up the knife. She looked it over, careful not to cut
herself.
“This can’t be,” she said. “An engraved throwing knife. Just like Marisa said. Then that
means....” She looked down at me again. “You’re the one who stabbed Reimu?”
“Yes,” I said. “It seemed necessary at the time, but I regret it now.”
“I should hope so. Then again, Marisa did say she left the mansion on good terms with
Scarlet.” She shook her head. “I can’t believe it. She was telling the truth. I thought she made it
all up.” Then she put a palm to her forehead. “This couldn’t have come at a worse time.”
“I’m sorry for the inconvenience,” I said. “I wouldn’t be bothering you if I had any other
choice.”
“Oh, I know. I’ll help you, but realize how much of a burden this is to me. I’ll expect
appropriate compensation from Lady Scarlet.”
“You’ll have it.”
“Good. Now are you just going to lie there, or shall we get you inside?”

---
It took more doing than either of us wanted. Alice had to drag half of me, and I had to push
the other half. Pulling me along the ground, my trousers started to slide off. I grabbed them just
in time, but Alice didn’t take the risk of seeing anything. She quickly turned away, and dropped
me on the hard dirt before her porch. It nearly broke my tail bone.
We made it into her front room, and Shanghai closed the door behind us. It took all three of
us to get me on the couch. Shanghai helped by lifting my legs by the foot, one at a time, and
resting them on the cushions.
The wound was on the back of my leg, so I lay face down. I got an up-close smell of Alice’s
furniture. Clean and flowery. It felt good rest on something soft. After taking a few seconds to
catch my breath, I realized what a freak show I had just been dragged into. The room was
stacked with dolls. Shelves upon shelves of the things. Some big, some small. Some boy, some
girl. Some dressed in traditional robes, others in modern clothes.
 Alice came into the room, carrying a tray. Shanghai followed her. Alice set the tray down by
the couch, then brought a stool from the far end of the room and sat beside me.
“Shanghai,” she said. “Go get started on lunch, would you? Make double portions. Use the last
of our beef, if you have to.”
“Epicurean indulgences are ever the height of delight,” said Shanghai. “I shall either prepare,
arrange, or cook our midday meal. Please excuse me platonically.”
The fairy girl bowed and flew out of the room, leaving me alone with Alice.
“She’s a good little servant,” I said, half of my face pressed into the cushion. “Very kind of her
to bring me here.”
“Isn’t it?” said Alice. “She’s my only comfort through this crisis. Now let’s take a look at your
leg. What kind of wound is it?”
“Stab,” I said.
Various supplies were on the tray. A bowl of clean water and a washcloth. Long strips of
bandage cloth. A needle and thread. A bottle with a quark stopper and a brass-lidded jar, full of
what I couldn’t tell. A small knife, and a pair of scissors. These last Alice got in hand. She sniped
the scissors twice in air.
“You’ll need to trust me with sharp things near your skin,” she said.
“Trust born of necessity,” I said.
“As it often is.” She lowered the scissors to my leg, began cutting away the tourniquet. “Look
at you. You’re filthy. I’ll have to get this couch reupholstered. I’m adding that to Scarlet’s bill.”
“She’ll pay it.”
“Will she?” Alice had to put some hand strength into the scissors. “If she values you so much,
why send you so far in this weather? Or are you a runaway?”
I had to consider what was the best lie. I hoped my pause didn’t seem suspicious.
“I was sent for you, actually,” I said. “Though I expected to appear more presentable.”
“And what does Scarlet want with me?”
“You said it yourself. Your fame precedes you.” I tried to smile, but I don’t know how it looked
with my face in the couch. “My mistress is concerned over the unnatural winter. She believes it’s
foul play, based on some magical reasons I don’t understand. She wants to call the most
powerful mages throughout Gensokyo to hold council.”
Alice had cut the wrap off my leg and set it aside. The wound had stopped bleeding, but the
sleeve of my trousers was crusty with dried blood. She cut it away, opening my skin to air. Then
she washed my lower leg with the water and cloth.
“A council is a good idea,” she said. “It’s about time somebody did something. I have
intelligence I could bring to the table.”
I misunderstood her use of the word ​intelligence.​
“You know something?”
“I know many things.” She smiled. Smug. “But more importantly, any council needs a
member with a brain. Though I must admit, mine hasn’t been at full operating capacity lately.
Did Shanghai tell you about the music?”
“Among many other things.”
 Alice didn’t quite laugh, but made a noise something like a chuckle. “You’ll have to forgive
her. She hasn’t mastered the conversational arts. But if you stay until nightfall, you’ll hear for
yourself. The music plays all night long. It comes from just past the edge of the Forest.”
Most of the blood and grime was cleaned from my leg. Alice looked closely at the wound, and
she winced.
“It’s deep,” she said. “Who did this to you?”
My mind scrambled for another suitable lie.
“I was attacked on my way here,” I said. “I stumbled across a cat-like ​youkai​, who challenged
me the moment I saw her. She said I was trespassing. No humans were allowed in Mayohiga,
whatever that is. I tried to defend myself, but she took my knife. I tried to run, and she stabbed
me in the leg. I kicked her in the face with my other foot, which convinced her to leave me
alone.”
“You’ve met Chen.” Alice held up the quarked bottle. “I’m going to disinfect it. This will hurt.”
I nodded. I squeezed my eyes shut, clenched my hands on the couch’s armrest. I heard the
pop o​ f the bottle’s stopper coming out. Liquid fire poured into my leg. My whole body clenched,
and I swallowed down a scream.
“All done,” she said, after my leg felt ready to be served with vegetables and mint jelly. “Chen
is an odd character. She’s trying to start a village in the middle of the forest. She’s so pathetic
about it, it’s almost funny. She goes wandering the fields and the woods, looking for possible
tenants. No ​youkai​ have agreed to live with her. She even propositioned me, though I’m
obviously used to a higher standard of living.”
“Obviously,” I said. “You mentioned the music. Tell me about that.”
“Oh, yes.” She grabbed the needle and thread. She threaded the eye, got it through on the first
try. “As you can tell by looking at me, I haven’t had a full night’s sleep in months. Shall I stitch?”
“Stitch away.”
She did, poking the needle through the top layer of my skin. I felt the thread tug through. I
endured it. It was less pain than I lived with recently.
“The music plays every night, all night,” she said. “It’s beautiful, but even angel cries and siren
songs get old after the first three weeks. I’ve tried coping with it in different ways. I’ve used
earplugs, buried my head under the pillows. I had Shanghai buzz her wings uninterrupted for a
few minutes, to see if that would out drown the music. It didn’t, and it exhausted poor Shanghai
half to death. I’ve even tried magical solutions. I’m no elementalist, like your Patchouli who I
suppose actually exists, but I have some skill with aeromancy. I tried solidifying the air around
my ears, but the music still gets in through the matter of my head. That spell gave me a
headache. Then I froze the air around my home in the shape of a huge dome. That stopped all
sound from getting in or out, ​except ​the music. And it made my house too stuffy to breathe in.”
“No musician could play like that,” I said.
“You’re right. Especially not over such long distance. It makes sense only if the music itself is
magical, though I don’t know how. That’s why I treated you so brusquely outside. Today was the
day I meant to go and investigate. I only waited this long because I hate traveling through cold
weather. But since it doesn’t look like spring is starting, I decided sooner was better than never.”
“Did you say the music came from just beyond the woods?” I said.
“Yes. Why?”
 “I think the music and the weather might be related.”
Alice stopped sewing my wound in mid-stitch. Breaking the rhythm made it hurt worse. I
moaned.
“Sorry,” she said, started stitching again. “You surprised me. Why do you think there’s a
connection?”
Time for another lie. Frightening how easily they came.
“Patchouli sometimes communicates with elementals for research,” I said. “She spoke with
the winter spirit, and told me about it afterward. I didn’t understand half of it, but she said there
was some kind of vortex that had appeared near the Forest of Magic, and that Gensokyo’s ​spring
energy was disappearing into it.”
Alice ​hmm​ed. “I can’t imagine how that would be.”
“I’m sketchy on the details,” I said. “Magic isn’t my trade.”
“It ​is ​my trade, but elementalism isn’t my expertise. Especially when it comes to
weather-working. The forces involved are vast, far too big for individuals to wield. They only
occur naturally. Like that magistorm last summer. The one that....” Her voice trailed off. She
shook her head. “I forgot. Marisa wasn’t lying. You’re real. So what ​did h ​ appen? A vampire’s
little sister was buried underground and went berserk?”
“In a nutshell.”
“Then I suppose it’s possible something similar is happening now. That makes it all the more
important to find the source of the music. I’ll have to go after lunch. I don’t like leaving a
stranger alone in my home, but—”
“I want to go with you,” I said.
“You do?” said Alice. “Can you walk on this leg?”
“Once you’re done back there. I’ll have to limp, but I think I’ll be fine if I don’t try to outrun
any more Chens.”
“Very well. Strength in numbers and all that. Just so long as I don’t have to carry you.”
She tied off the thread and cut it, and she had finished stitching the wound. She uncapped the
brass-lidded jar, stuck two fingers in it and scooped out some thick brown paste with a sharp
smell. She slathered the paste on the wound, making a thick layer.
“What’s that?” I said.
“Second stage of disinfection. This will keep the wound clean over time. You’ll need to wash it
out daily, but I can spare a jar or two for later applications. I’m sure Scarlet will find my price
reasonable.”
I could feel it working. It didn’t burn, but it tingled. Alice tightened the lid back onto the jar,
and took up the bandage cloths. She wrapped them around my lower leg, pressing the
disinfectant paste into the wound.
“By the way,” she said. “I forgive you for lying to me.”
My heart froze.
“How did I lie to you?”
“About this cut,” she said. “Chen didn’t stab you. The only weapons she knows are her teeth
and claws. Even if she took your knife, she would just throw it away. I know what really
happened.”
Please no. She couldn’t. Don’t let her know the truth. My life was already ruined.
 “You played a great act,” she said. “Coming up to my house, dirty, weary and wounded. But
how quickly you offered your mistress’s name, so you could come inside my house. What a
convenient opportunity to talk with me. And pitch Scarlet’s council to me.”
I took a moment to understand what she meant.
“Do you think I stabbed ​myself?​ ” I said.
“I didn’t say it. You did.” She smiled again. “What better way to get a sympathetic ear than to
look like you deserved sympathy?”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Alice must have been ​youaki. S ​ he didn’t understand
humans at all. No human would self-inflict injury for his master’s sake.
Except for, perhaps, me. I was fanatically devoted to Remilia. I would kill for her, and had
many times. But Alice didn’t know I was the exception to the rule.
I let a moment of silence pass. I tried to look guilty. It wasn’t hard.
“It seemed like a good idea at the time,” I said.
“Everything does,” said Alice. “So I hate to waste your painstaking effort, but I refuse your
invitation. I won’t go to Scarlet’s council.”
“I don’t think I will either,” I said. “Let’s go to the heart of the matter instead.”
She nodded. “Very good to hear. You’re growing as a person.” She patted a hand on my calf.
“Your leg is done. Do you feel well enough to hobble into the dining room? Shanghai should be
finished with lunch soon.”

Chapter Nine

What I really wanted was a hot bath, a fairy to massage my shoulders, and about twenty hours
of sleep. In lieu of that, a good lunch was enough to keep me going. Alice might have given me
those other things, maybe accepting half the Scarlet Mansion as payment, but there wasn’t time.
She was in a rush to find the source of the music. Truth be told, so was I.
I wanted this to be over. Once I had returned Gensokyo’s spring, I would have plenty of time
to cry in a lukewarm bath and hate myself. Plenty of time to grovel before my mistress, begging
forgiveness for how I had failed her. If I were lucky, acts of heroism would kill me, and I
wouldn’t have to worry about it.
I did manage to stand on both feet, and I limped into the dining room. As it happened, sitting
on Alice’s chair was a bigger challenge. I was bruised at the base of my back, where she had
dropped me. That didn’t stop me from consuming everything she offered. I hadn’t realized how
hungry I was until food was in sight. The bread was old and hard. The fruits and vegetables were
squishy from soaking in syrup for months. The meat had been cured for so long that I couldn’t
taste it past the preservatives. I ate it all anyway. When the body gets past a point of
expenditure, it stops caring about flavor.
Alice finished eating before I did. She used the time to find new pants for me, since she had
cut half a leg off the old ones. She dug deep into her wardrobe, since all she usually wore were
dresses. She eventually found some long-legged thermal underwear. It was too small to cover me
from hip to ankle, but I could wear it under my trousers. In combination with my high-topped
snow boots, I would be fit to travel for moderate distances.
“You can keep the long johns,” Alice told me. “I don’t consider them fit to wear now. Scarlet
will be happy to buy me a replacement pair, don’t you think?”
“I do think,” I said. And that was the problem. I didn’t want to think. I wanted to go. “Shall we
head out?”

---
Alice donned a winter coat and wrapped her neck in a scarf. I had plenty of cold-weather gear
myself, though bearing it all would be a pain in the leg. I found it easiest to walk if I put most of
my weight on my heel. That kept from flexing the damaged muscle. I thought I should be ​angry
for my injury, mad at someone or something. Then I remembered, she was dead. No anger
would reach her.
Instead, I focused on how it felt to be upright again. To be taller than everyone around me.
Never again would I crawl around like a rat. I would stand, as Lady Scarlet’s servant. I didn’t
care how badly it hurt.
Alice locked up her home, and off we went. She led me away from the house and down a
forest path. Shanghai was with us, flying a foot from Alice’s shoulder. They went slowly, so I
didn’t fall behind.
“Have you ever been where we’re going?” I said, my head bobbing up and down as I limped.
“No, but it won’t be hard to find. The music carries better at night than the day, but we’ll hear
it once we’re close enough.” She glanced up to the sky. “Speaking of night and day, does it seem
dark out here?”
I looked up. Saw nothing but gray clouds. “I can’t remember the last time I saw the sun, if
that’s what you mean.”
“Not just that,” she said. “The sky is already dimming. But it’s not that late. We should have
five more hours of daylight, at least.”
“The days are shorter in winter.”
“Not ​this s​ hort. It was like this yesterday too, although not this bad.”
Had it been? Yesterday felt like an eternity in my memory. I had spent all day tromping
through snow in freezing temperatures. Even an hour would feel like forever.
“I hope this isn’t what I think it is,” said Alice.
“And what’s that?” I said.
“Well, what if your Patchouli was right about Gensokyo’s spring siphoning off somewhere? If
I understand how weather magic works, it would first change the climate. Dumping blizzards on
us in the middle of May, like it has. After that, other things would start changing. Other things
with the same kind of energy.”
“Like what?”
 “Think about it. What is spring? Snow melts and animals give birth. It’s the time of warmth
and life. What does that remind you of?” She pointed to the sky.
“The sun?”
“Exactly,” she said. “It’s possible whatever’s changing the weather is also shortening our days.
If it keeps going, we might soon not ​have ​a day.”
“Eternal nighttime,” I said.
Alice nodded. “Gensokyo would die. The whole country would become a dark, frozen
wasteland. Like some places in the Arctic Circle, where the sun shines for about five minutes
every year.”
“We can’t let that happen.”
“We might not have a whole lot of say in the matter,” she said. “The forces at work are way
bigger than us.”
“I don’t care,” I said. “I’ll to find out what happened to the spring, or die trying.”
“Suit yourself. Just don’t take me down with you.”

---

We walked, and we neared the edge of the forest. Alice was right about the daylight. Evening
came on. If we had much farther to go, it would be full night by the time we got there. I meant to
ask Alice how far, but my question was answered before I spoke it. I heard the music, and I saw
the light.
“Is that it?” I said.
“That’s it,” said Alice.
I’m no musician, so I can’t explain the sound. But I can explain the sight.
Imagine a mirage. On hot days, if you stand in an open landscape, you can sometimes see a
body of water in the distance. You run towards the water, but it grows thinner and thinner as
you approach it. By the time you reach it, the water has disappeared, and you just found another
patch of dry land.
That’s what this looked like, but in reverse. We came closer to it, and it faded​ into ​existence​. ​It
appeared as a great pillar of light, standing from the ground up to the sky. It looked to be a few
dozen feet wide. It glowed with all colors, shifting and refracting like blended rainbows. Seeing
it, I felt a sting in my heart.
It looked exactly like a miniature version of the Boundary. I hadn’t seen the Boundary once
since these stupid winter clouds came to stay, because it reflects only direct sunlight and
moonlight. This mimicry made me realize how much I missed the real thing. Gensokyo is my
home. The Boundary is part of my home, and this weather had taken it from me. That hurt. In a
way, it hurt worse than being stabbed in the leg.
“Listen to me,” I said under my breath. “I’m starting to sound like Reimu.”
Alice looked at me. “What was that?”
“I wonder if your eyes are better than mine,” I said. “Are we nearly out of the woods?”
“It’s almost too dark to tell, but I think so.” She paused. “Yes, we are. Look.”
 A minute later, we passed the last line of trees. Gensokyo’s plains yawned out before us. A
mile off, maybe less, stood the pillar of light. Where it touched the ground, multicolored light
reflected off the snow. It reminded me of sunlight passed through water. Rippling, fractal colors.
I stood still. Alice took a step past, then stopped and looked back at me.
“What’s wrong?” she said.
“The snow,” I said. “I forgot. I don’t think I can walk through the snow with this leg.”
“Want to go back?”
“No” I closed my eyes. Took a deep breath. “I can’t go back. I have to try.”
I tried. It wasn’t as bad as I feared. The muscles for lifting the leg are in the thigh, not in the
calf. I could march through the snow, pulling my boot up before sinking down again. I still
rested my weight on my heel. I couldn’t go uphill, putting any pressure on the ball of my foot,
but the ground had a shallow downward slope from here to the light pillar. Even so, I moved
slowly. I had to limp like a broken toy solider, but I plugged on. I envied Shanghai. The snow
was nothing to her. She flew over it.
We drew closer to the light pillar. I could better hear the music. Alice had been right. It was
lovely. Sweet and sorrowful one minute, loud and bold the next, happy and frantic the next.
Despite the variety of styles, I could only pick out three instruments. One string, one horn, and
one piano.
“Are people actually playing in there?” I said.
“I don’t know,” said Alice, pushing through the snow beside me. “I told you. I’ve never been
here before.”
As we approached, a new sound came through. Singing. Someone belted out a song in time
with the music.

Are you brave enough to sing a song?

Put to words that for which your heart longs

And show to the world just how weak or strong
You are in face of that nameless fear
Of never obtaining what you hold dear.

Such a curse
Has plagued those better
Who sang songs long before you and I.
They, too, hurt,
But overcame and
Wrote the songs that lived long after they died.

But here you say,

“Back in their day,
It must have been so easy
To put down the words that moved us
So long after.
We have so much
Worry of such
Working off our loans
Managing the home
That it takes my mind away from song.”

That excuse fails.

Our worries pale
Compared to those of their day,
Where people died for want of food
And clean water.
Your modern wealth
And lasting health
Give you no reason why
You can live this lie
And keep doing your heart the same wrong.

How can any soul live happily

Without the true blessing of poetry?
All hearts waver, eyes are brought to tears
In the face of words sung in love sincere.

This power is a rare one that lasts,

And we still hum the best tunes from our past.
Bards and poets all have their short lives,
But their work transcends our ideas of time.

Knowing this now,

You realize how
You’ve shunned that which you’ve wanted
Since before you knew what it meant
For words to rhyme.
That want returns.
It aches and years
For those elusive words.
Who cares if they’re heard?
Just sing, and waste no more of your time.

It will be hard,
To’ve come so far
Without ever having a good song to sing that
It might seem like your voice has left
Far behind you.
 Never give up!
Your voice is what
Was given you to show
Forever ago,
And sing again as you were meant to!

The singing ended, but the music went on. We had arrived at the light pillar. It stood before
us like the self-lighting trunk of the world’s hugest tree. No need to worry about night falling
early. This thing was more than bright enough to see by. Up close this close, we heard a deep
humming noise under the music. The noise was soft, but heavy and bass. It rattled my eyes in
their sockets, made my teeth feel ready to pop out of my gums.
“Look at this!” said Alice. She had to raise her voice nearly to a yell, just to be heard. “This
can’t possibly be a spell. It must be natural. Did Gensokyo’s spring focus to this one spot, for
some reason?”
It had. I knew what that reason was, but it wasn’t natural. Shanghai flew up close, nearly
touching her face to where the light was solid.
“Be careful!” said Alice, reaching out after her.
“Oh I shall be, beloved Mistress,” said Shanghai. “Isn’t it so granularly spectacular? Like all
the world’s candy, confections, or oral-health concern-causing sweets. It looks so delicious, I
should like to—”
She reached out a hand, as if to scoop some of the light into her mouth like pudding. She
touched the light, and white sparks spat out from the contact. Her wings stuck straight off her
back. She went limp and fell, crumpling into the snow.
“​Shanghai​!” Alice ran over, picked Shanghai up off the ground. She brushed the snow off and
cradled her like a baby. “Are you all right? Say something to me.”
“Don’t worry for me, Mistress!” said Shanghai from Alice’s arms. “I’m quite the picture of
magnanimously preserved health. I’m shaken, yes, very much so, but none the worse for wearing
homemade clothes.”
Yet I noticed, she made no move to fly from her mistress’s arms. Everyone wants to be loved.
Even things that look like fairies but aren’t.
“You’d better not be!” said Alice. “​I​ made your clothes. Why are you so reckless? When you
see something huge and ominous and unknown, the first thing you do is ​don’t​ touch it.”
“A well-learned lesson, Mistress. I shall take it to my grave.”
“You will, if you’re not careful.”
Watching these two, I remembered something. Letty Whiterock had told me she couldn’t
come near this place.
“Alice!” I called to her. “I have a theory. Will you try to touch the beam, like Shanghai did?”
She scowled at me. “Do you think I’m stupid? That thing is obviously guarded with a warding
spell.”
“I think it only affects ​youkai,​” I said.
“Why do you think that?” Then she shook her head. “No. Don’t answer that. I don’t care. If
you have a theory, test it yourself.”
“All right.”
 I limped up to the light. I had to squint to keep from burning my eyes. I put a hand to the
pillar. Part of me expected a shock and another burst of sparks, but nothing happened. I didn’t
feel any resistance. My hand went right through, and cast a black streak of shadow down to the
ground from where I touched.
More than that, my hand felt ​warm.
“It admits me,” I said. “I think I can go inside.”
“Don’t do that!” said Alice. “It would burn you to a crisp.”
“It would burn ​you.​” I glanced back. “But I happen to know there’s a human who needs to get
in and out of here. I’m going in.”
“Don’t you dare!”
I turned to her, gave her a bow. “Thank you for lunch, Alice. Thank you for tending my
wound. I probably won’t come back, so I’ll tell you the truth. I killed Reimu and Marisa. Their
bodies are in the clearing where Chen tried to start her village. Please give them a good burial.”
Her mouth dropped open in shock. “What are you talk—”
I didn’t hear the rest. I turned and walked into the light. Blinding color washed over me, and I
left winter behind.

---

It was a beautiful spring day.

Hot sunlight beat down on me. The sky above was clear blue. Thick green grass grew all
around. And the ​smell o ​ f it. The smell of grass! It had been far too long since I knew any smell of
summer approaching.
Stepping into the pillar, I saw it wasn’t solid as Alice thought. It was hollow. The light flowed
in a huge cylinder, stretching up to the little blue circle of sky. There was no sun up there,
probably because it was elsewhere in the sky. But there was still sunlight. I had a shadow, short
and stumpy at my feet. It was either just before noon, or just after it.
It felt so good. Having warm air around me, I nearly fell to my knees and started crying. One
thing kept me from doing just that. In here, the music was louder than ever. I stood before the
source of it.
In the center of this patch of spring, there was a large wooden structure. A platform stood five
feet off the ground. On back of the platform was a single wall, which supported no roof. The wall
was covered with symmetrical patterns and runes. This thing looked familiar. It was like the
stage in the Scarlet Mansion’s music room, except there was no pipe organ mounted on it.
“What is this, here?”
“Who are you?”
“We have a visitor!”
And on the stage stood three musicians. Three girls, all wearing different colors of performer’s
uniform. Their faces and builds were enough alike to make them sisters. They stopped playing
when they noticed me. The music ceased, but the pillar’s deep humming noise went on.
“She’s an intruder, I fear.”
“How did she come through?”
“What should we do with her?”
 I was speechless. Each girl had an instrument, but that’s not what surprised me. One had a
violin. Another had a trumpet. The third used a strange thing I didn’t recognize. It had pianos
keys laid in a black slab of what looked like dark wood. This didn’t surprise me either. What had
taken my voice was seeing how the girls manipulated their instruments. Or to be accurate, how
they didn’t. The instruments floated near their owners, within arms reach, but the girls never
touched them.
“We’ll be in trouble. Only one we permit, and that number is doubled.”
“We must send her away! Throw her in a pit, as fast as we may!”
“We should play her a song. She’ll like it. We’ve had no audience for too long.”
I held up a hand. I meant only to quiet them, but I saw my gloved hand in front of me. I was
still wearing gloves! In the middle of spring! I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing.
“Please, no music or pit-throwing!” I said. “I’m here on business. I’m looking for Gensokyo’s
lost spring, and it seems I’ve stumbled on a bit of it.”
One of the sisters stepped to the front edge of the stage. She was tallest and prettiest of the
three. Hers was the violin, and her uniform was black.
“You’ve stumbled on the netherworld portal,” she said. “It allows access not to mortals.”
Another came up to her side. This one was shortest of the three. Her instrument was the
strange not-piano, and her uniform was bright red.
“It is just as my eldest sister said. Beyond this door is the land of the dead.”
The third came up. She was middle in height. Hers was the trumpet, and her uniform was
light pink. She jabbed a finger down at me.
“You’re dirty and you smell! Leave now, or we’ll send you to—”
“Stop!” I shouted over her. “That’s annoying! Do you have to talk in rhyme?”
“No,” said the eldest sister. “But we like to. It’s a good way of keeping the mind and lips in
shape.”
“Who are you, to tell us what we can and can’t do?” said the middle sister, jabbing the finger
again.
“You’re right. I should introduce myself, at least.” I gave a shallow bow. “My name is Sakuya
Izayoi. I am Lady Scar—” My voice caught. I corrected myself. “And I’m here on the authority of
no house or master. May I ask your names?”
The eldest sister bowed. “Lunasa Prismriver, the violinist.”
The youngest sister bowed. “Lyrica Prismriver, the keyboardist.”
The middle sister made a gesture I had never seen before. She held up her right fist, only her
middle finger extended from it. “I’m Merlin Prismriver, the trumpeter. Don’t you dare forget it,
you lousy whore!”
The other two sisters looked at her. Their faces went blush red, mortified at their sister’s
rudeness. They could have spared the embarrassment. I had endured much worse than being
called a whore in the last two days.
Then, the moment passed, and all three sisters faced me. They said in unison, “​We are the
Phantom Ensemble​!”
I put my hands together in mock applause. My gloves made a soft ​pat pat pat.
 “Very good for you,” I said. “Now answer a question for me. Does a short, cloaked girl ever
come around here?​ S ​ he’s about so tall,” I held a hand up to my side, “carries a sword, talks
strangely?”
“Oh yes,” said Lunasa. “You must be talking about Youmu.”
“Yo-moo?” I said. “That’s her name?”
“She’s the gardener of the netherworld,” said Lyrica. “But she’s on a special errand here in
Gensokyo, and she needs a way to get back and forth between the two. We’ve been asked to
guard the portal for her.”
“And you’d already ​know ​that, if you weren’t such a stupid, butt-licking piece of snot.” Merlin
sat down on the stage, hung her legs off the edge. Her trumpet dropped to hover within her
reach. She stuck her pinkie up her nose and twisted it around. Her sisters glared at her.
I might have to reconsider my feelings here. No matter how bad the last two days had been, I
might lose my temper with enough verbal abuse.
“I see,” I said. “I need to speak with this Youmu. How often does she come around?”
“She should be back soon,” said Lunasa. “She left quite a while ago. Each time she goes, it
takes longer for her to return.”
“We suspect that her errand becomes more difficult, the more she does it,” said Lyrica.
“But that’s only because she’s a stunted, worthless little runt.” Merlin extracted her pinkie and
flicked it at me. “Why are you still here? This portal is off-limits, you freakishly tall, stick-legged,
overdressed—”
“​Speak not ill of her!​ ” shouted a new voice.
The three sisters gasped, and fell silent.
The voice had come from around side the stage. I took four steps to my left, and saw who had
yelled. Sitting on the grass, back against one of the stage’s wooden supports, sat a wrinkled old
hag of a woman. She was dressed in sooty rags, and her hair hung off her head in thin wisps.
“Old lady!” I called. I limped over to her, but I didn’t kneel down or touch her. Now I was
closer to the stage. The Prismriver sisters all came over, piled up against the edge of the
platform, like children eager to eavesdrop on an adult conversation.
“Speak not to me as one past her time!” the old woman shouted up at me. Her lips curled
around her teeth, to keep her spittle from flying. “My time has arrived not ​yet, ​which is my
trouble, and all of Gensokyo’s besides.”
I looked down at her for a moment. She reminded me of something, both how she looked and
how she spoke.
“Do I know you from somewhere?” I said. “You look familiar.”
“I may, to you,” she said, “if you saw she who currently rules this country, albeit in duress.”
I had to wrap my mind around her words before they made sense. Then I remembered.
“Oh!” I put my hands together, fist in palm. “You’re Lily White, aren’t you? The spring
elemental.”
“Just so, ​spring​-bearing human.” She held a hand up to me. Her rags fell away from her arm,
showing skin sagging limp off bone. “Have you come to restore me?”
“Yes,” I said. “Why do you call me ​spring-b ​ earing? I don’t have any with me.”
“But you do, human. The very smallest of sparks, which flutter down around Gensokyo,
seeking humans to share warmth. The thief takes upon herself the grandest of tasks, stealing the
essence of a land so great and rich as this. So grand, in fact, that it becomes impossible. Her
work is imperfect. She lets spill small drops of ​spring,​ that take the form of cherry petals.”
My skin tightened into gooseflesh. The magic petals that Reimu, Marisa and I had all touched.
One of them had appeared before the gate of the Scarlet Mansion, where China picked it up. But
did it appear because I lived there?
“I’ve seen them,” I said. “You say they specifically seek out humans?”
Lily nodded, her head bobbing up and down. It called attention to how thin her neck was.
“​Youkai​ all have energy of their own,” she said. “If that energy is one with spring, then they
already died for the lack of it. If they exist separate from spring, then they survive, but are
weakened. A human invariably is hot-blooded, creatures defined by their warmth and love, or
the lack of it. Too cold is winter. Too hot is summer. Moderate is autumn, but a time of life
changing to death. Closest is spring to humanity’s nature. The time of life born from death. Of
birth, growth, and caring.”
“That’s really good to hear,” I said. “That means people in the human villages have probably
seen petals of their own. It might help them survive.”
“Yes, yes. But only a postponement. ​Spring m ​ ay keep your kin warm, but it feeds them not.
My season must be returned. Already Gensokyo teeters on the brink of desolation.”
“Tell me what to do,” I said.
“You must go through the portal,” said Lily. “Pass into the netherworld. There, the thief takes
spring a ​ nd feeds it to an abomination. Kill it, and spring then will flood back to this land.”
“Can I do that?” I said. I nodded to the Prismrivers, still listening to us. “These three said it’s
the land of the dead.”
“You may enter while your spirit belongs to its flesh,” said Lily. “Others do the same. This
portal was made for just that reason, to allow the thief to pass between the two lands. She yet is a
live human, just as you.”
“Have you tried going in yourself?”
Lily cackled. ​Kya ha ha!​ “What an obviously incorrect idea! Gensokyo and I share a life. I
carry no power or desire to leave this land. I can approach the portal this closely, for enough
spring spills out to create the patch that you stand in. This now is the only place of spring in the
moral realm, and only here can I exist. But no magic dwells innately in you, human. You may
pass.”
I looked up to the Prismrivers. “What do you say, girls? Will you let me through?”
Lunasa shook her head. “No, sorry. Only the human bearing the president.”
“Youmu carries the president,” said Lyrica. “So only she is allowed to enter and exit this
portal.”
“Though if you asked us ​real n ​ icely,” said Merlin, “we could stretch your cheeks wide and
shove the president up your—”
“Enough!” I yelled. A knife came out of my pocket, and I held it near my ear. “Open the portal,
or I’ll kill all three of you.”
“You can’t kill us,” said Lunasa. “We are ​poltergeists, w ​ hich are ​youkai ​with no physical
substance. That’s why you don’t see us carrying our instruments.”
 I decided the idea was worth trying. I threw the knife. It spun through the air, aimed for
Lunasa’s belly. It struck its target, but hit nothing. The knife flew through her as if she were a
shadow. It landed in the grass, on the far side of the stage.
“You see?” said Merlin, giving me the middle finger again. “If you’d clean the wax of your ears
once per century, then you might listen when people talk to you.”
I turned away, kicked at the grass. It was soft and moist. My boot tore up a divot of sod. Rain
must have fallen here recently.
“Fine then,” I said. “You said I needed a president to get through. How do I get one?”
​ resident,” said Lyrica. “​The p
“Not ​a p ​ resident. President Strangebird. It’s Youmu’s tool for
gathering Gensokyo’s energy.”
“But she has to come back after she gathers,” I said. “So if I wait here long enough, she’ll
come. Then I can jump into the portal behind her.”
“Expect the thief to resist you,” said Lily. “She exp—”
I waved her off. “Expertly wields a blade, I know, I know. But guess what?” I stuck a thumb in
my chest. “So do I. I can throw a knife better than she can swing a sword.”
I heard a foot fall on the grass behind me. A sharp point poked into my back. The Prismrivers
all looked at me in shock. Lily put her face in her bony hands.
“Do you care to test that assertion?” said the cloaked girl, standing right behind me.

Chapter Ten

I didn’t move. Didn’t turn around to look at her. I could tell by the voice, this was the same
girl who had challenged me that snowy night in Reimu’s courtyard. I played passive for the
moment. I couldn’t be sure my ​shift ​would help in such close quarters.
“Oh, it’s you,” I said. “This is a pleasant surprise. I thought I’d have to wait longer. So you’re
Youmu, the ​spring-​thief?”
“I’m no thief!” She poked her sword harder into my back. “I’m working to heal Gensokyo in a
way you can’t understand.”
“Right,” I said. “Healing it by killing it. Makes perfect sense.”
She pushed the sword harder. I winced. If it weren’t for my coat and cloak, she would have
drawn blood.
“Silence!” she said. “Slowly move your hand to your pocket. Take out your knives one at a
time, and drop them on the ground. Move too suddenly, and I’ll cut your spine.”
I did as she said. I made slow, gradual movements and kept my hands in sight at all times. I
let one knife fall to the grass, followed by a second. They were both copies. I still had two knives
in my pocket.
“Good,” said Youmu. “Now take three slow steps forward, and one to the right.”
 “My leg is wounded,” I said. “I’ll have to limp.”
“Thank you for telling me. Move.”
I did so. She followed me, keeping her sword at my back. I couldn’t see behind myself, but I
knew she was crouching to pick up the knives. This was a moment of vulnerability for her. She
could have only one hand on the sword, and she wasn’t in a good stance to thrust. If I wanted to
attack, now was the time.
I didn’t move. I had no intention of changing from hostage to combatant. Not yet.
“You’re now disarmed,” she said. “You will stand in this spot and not move until I’ve gone
through the portal.”
“Will you be coming back?” I said.
“No. There is little more energy in Gensokyo for me to gather, but by necessity, my task is
finished.”
“So this is the last time. When you go through, the portal’s closed forever.”
“That’s not for me to say.” Youmu sheathed her sword. “The portal was made by a higher
power. I go now. Be at ease, for Gensokyo’s spring will soon return.”
“You bet it will,” I said.
She seemed to think I was no longer a threat. I turned to look at her, but she was the same as I
had last seen her. A short girl with a sword hilt poking out from under her cloak. Even in
sunlight, I could see only the bottom half of her face below her hood. She turned from me and
walked to the stage. Lily shied away from her, covering her head with her hands. The
Prismrivers greeted her.
“Welcome back, bearer of Strangebird!” said Lunasa.
“Will you listen to us play sometime soon?” said Lyrica.
“Hey! You’d better not ignore us, you pipsqueak excuse for a booger-chomper!” said Merlin.
Youmu did ignore them. She put one hand on the stage and hopped up onto it. No small
athletic feat for someone of her height. She stepped up to the stage’s back wall. There she
stopped, glanced back at me.
“Don’t try to pursue me,” she said. “The lands beyond aren’t for the premortem.”
“I’m just standing here,” I said. “Don’t mind me. Go ahead and do your thing.”
I bothered her. She didn’t trust me to stay put, but she believed there was nothing I could do.
That’s exactly what I wanted.
Youmu reached into her cloak, I thought to draw her sword. But she pulled out something
else. A small wooden carving of a bird.
“Prismrivers,” she said. “Allow me to pass.”
The three sisters took up their instruments. Not actually touching them, but each one seemed
at the ready.
“Activate the president,” said Lunasa, “and you may pass.”
Youmu nodded. She held the carving up in both hands and yelled, “​Vote for Strangebird!​ ”
The wooden bird came alive. It burst from Youmu’s hold, spreading its wings and dropping its
talons. It flew around the stage once, then came back to perch on Youmu’s shoulder.
“President Strangebird!” said Youmu. “Now open the portal for me.”
The Prismrivers began playing. It was weirder to see up close than hear from afar. The bow
moved up and down the strings on the violin, completely by itself. The valves on the trumpet
popped up and down, with no fingers on them. The keys on the piano-thing depressed in
pattern, with no hands over them.
The music started. It was a different tune than before. The deep humming noise had gone on
through all this, but now it was louder. It grew into a rumbling that drowned out the music. In
front of Youmu, the stage’s back wall split. A crease ran down its middle, from top to bottom,
and the two halves rotated outward.
It wasn’t a wall. It was a door.
A bright glare of pink and blue shone out. I covered my eyes, but Youmu stepped right into it.
This was my chance. I had to take it, or be left behind forever.
I ​shifted.​

---

Everything stopped. The music. The rumbling noise. Lily sat beside the stage, frozen while
weeping into her hands. The Prismrivers all stood still in their performance poses. Most
importantly, Youmu was dead solid. One foot in the portal, one still on the stage. The wooden
bird still perched on her shoulder, but didn’t move.
“Yes!” I said, shaking a fist. “You fools do ​not m​ ess with Lady Scarlet’s maid!”
They couldn’t hear me, of course. No time passed for them to hear. But I couldn’t hold ​shift
forever. I hobbled up to the stage and climbed onto it. That’s much harder than it sounds,
half-lame as I was. I couldn’t get any jump out of my wounded leg. I had to hop on my left leg,
and pull myself up with my arms. It was difficult and it hurt, but I’m a strong person. I had spent
my life cleaning a mansion too big for those who live in it. That tends to build some muscle.
I got my center of weight over the platform, then rolled onto it. I had already held ​shift f​ or too
long. My head was starting to pound. My eyes felt like they were bulging out of their sockets. I
got to my feet and limped across the stage, coming up to Youmu’s side. The shapeless pink and
blue light soaked over me. Warm spring air blew from portal, and carried another sent I had
missed. Cherry trees. The powdery, slightly sweet smell of ​sakura​.
​ o, partly because I could hold it no longer, but
I stood at the portal’s threshold. I let the ​shift g
more that I wanted to rub in Youmu’s failure.
Everything animated. Youmu saw me. I couldn’t see her eyes under her hood, but her mouth
fell open.
She said, “​How—​”
“See you inside!” I stepped into the portal, and out of Gensokyo. But there was no ​ground o ​ n
the other side. My feet had nothing to land on. I fell.

---
I didn’t fall very far. I landed mostly on my feet, but still lost my balance. I tumbled onto my
back, and my head cracked on hard stone. White light burst into my eyes. My head did loops
around me. For a minute, I couldn’t tell which way was up or down.
I lay there for a while, waiting for the world to stop spinning. When I felt well enough to move
without vomiting, I sat up and looked around.
“​This ​is the netherworld?” I said, rubbing the back of my head.
 I sat on a square granite platform, about three times wider than I was tall. The platform itself
stood on nothing. All around was featureless pink fog. Random blue tendrils ran through it, but
never went anywhere. I looked up, expecting to see the portal I had just fallen from, but there
was nothing. Only more pink and blue. I crawled to the edge of the platform and looked off it.
More fog, down as far as I could see. If I jumped, how long before I fell through the clouds and
hit bottom? Or would I fall forever?
“So this is life after death?” I said. “I didn’t think it would be so... boring.”
A sound rumbled through the fog, like a distant thunderclap. It was a voice, echoing from far
away.
“​How?​ ​How did she move so fast?​ ”
It was Youmu. I grinned as widely as my mouth would let me. Sakuya wins this round.
“You’re here already?” I called. “Come see me! We can finish this!”
The fog swallowed my words, and I heard no echo. Why didn’t my voice carry like hers?
“Youmu!” I yelled. “Youmu the ​thief!​ Come! Show yourself! Or at least tell me how to find
you!”
No response, but there was a gust of wind. It carried my cloak up, and I had to paw my hair
out of my face. The wind blew some of the fog away, revealing more of the granite platform.
Except now, I saw it wasn’t a platform, but a landing. Plain stone stairs started at the far edge,
climbing up into the fog.
“​Stairs​?” I said. “Why did it have to be stairs?”
Nobody offered a reason. No more voices boomed from the clouds with any tidbits of wisdom.
“Fine,” I said. “But these stairs better go somewhere. If they loop forever, I swear I’ll jump
off.”
I climbed to feet and limped over. I put my right foot onto the first stair, which didn’t hurt as
badly as I feared. Again, lifting the leg is mostly done with thigh muscles. It wasn’t much
different from walking through thick snow, back in Gensokyo.
I took a deep breath, let it out. “The journey of an endless staircase begins with a single step.”
I started climbing.

---

The fog quickly closed around me, so I could see only stairs behind and stairs above. They
climbed up and up and up in a straight line. No twists or turns or landings. I didn’t feel like I was
going anywhere. My ears never popped because the air pressure never changed. The scenery was
the same. Pink laced with blue.
Yet, if I could believe the stairs, I wasn’t climbing the same steps over and over again. The
granite was old. It was worn, chipped, cracked in a few places. I took mental note of how one
stair was damaged, and looked at each stair after it. No two steps were deteriorated in the exact
same way.
It was hot like a spring afternoon, or whatever passed for spring in this place. There was no
more wind. I soon started sweating. I took off my coat, cloak, gloves and scarf, and carried them
with me. That was too much work, so I dropped them on the stairs and left them behind. I
wouldn’t need cold-weather wear anymore. I had been serious when I spoke to Alice. I meant to
return the spring, or die trying.
I had to take a break. My leg slowed me down, made climbing the staircase hard. I sat on the
steps, looking down the stairs behind me. I couldn’t see how far up I had climbed.
Youmu’s voice rumbled through the clouds again.
“​Why isn’t it working?​ ​She said it would work.​ ​That was supposed to be the last time.​”
“Last time what, Youmu?” I called back to the clouds, though she probably couldn’t hear me.
“Last time you stole Gensokyo’s spring?”
As I expected, no answer. I stood and went back to climbing. Youmu spoke more as I went.
She sounded increasingly worried, as if something were going wrong. Served her right.
“​Why isn’t it breaking​? ​She said the Ayakashi just needed this last little bit​.”
“​This can’t be​. ​Did she lie to me​? ​Does her power make it bloom, but nothing else?​ ”
“​No!​ ​ The portal is closed​!​ I can’t go back​!​ President, try to open it for me​!”
That worried me too. There was no going back now, if there ever was.
“​It’s not opening!​ ​The energy is trapped here!​ ​Why is she doing this​?”
“​Does she want to kill Gensokyo​? ​Has she gone completely insane​? ​That’s her own country​!”
“Which ​she a ​ re you talking about?” I said, but no one heard me.
“​I can’t believe it!​ ​She used me​! She used me!”
“​I was her puppet​! ​She told me everything I wanted to hear​! ​But why​? ​Why would she do
this?​ ”
The fog was clearing. I looked down, and saw my feet were no longer on stairs, but on the
slope of a hill. One more step, and I was on the hill’s peak. I stood and looked around,
awestruck.
I had come to Hakugyokuro.

---
I stood on a small hill in a massive orchard of blooming cherry trees. Thousands of them.
Rows of them, ranks of them, growing in a loose grid, stretched off as far as I could see. Up close
they looked normal, but after the first ten or so miles, they looked like toothpicks topped with
blossoms. I rubbed my eyes, then looked again. I didn’t know this many cherry trees could
possibly exist. Cobblestone walking paths webbed the ground, going between the trees. Small
blue streams snaked off across the landscape. There was no sun, but the sky was varying shades
of pink. The colors of a sunset, but with the brightness of an afternoon.
“What is this place?” I said. I turned to get a look over the land, and saw something that
startled me just to see it.
There stood the largest cherry tree that ever was. It was at least twenty times taller than any
tree here. I had to lean back to see all the way to its top branches. Its trunk was as big around as
the entire Scarlet Mansion. I had only seen one larger thing in my life. The mountains of
Gensokyo.
This tree had bloomed, like all the smaller ones. Thousands, maybe millions of cherry
blossoms grew out in an enormous pink puff that could enclose whole villages. A breeze waved
the blossoms back and forth in a hypnotic dance. The tree’s roots grew out from its base and
gripped across the land for miles. They were huge near the trunk, stood up from the ground
several times my height, but gradually sunk down farther from the tree.
I looked down the hill. Below me was a plot of land marked off by two of the roots in, growing
out from the tree in a ​V​ shape. Here sat an eastern-style home. It was a big house, but flat. Only
a single story, a low roof and sliding screen doors. Several yards away from the house, one of the
thin blue streams came out from under the tree. The water flowed in a crooked curve, and fell off
a nearby slope.
Someone sat in front of the house, legs hanging off the wooden landing that was the front
porch. It was Youmu. She no longer wore her cloak. For the first time, I got a good look at her.
She was short as ever. She wore a green dress and vest, embroidered with squiggly crests. She
carried not one sword but two, one longer than the other, sheathed and hanging off her back.
The shorter sword was the one I had seen her draw before.
I have to say, she was almost cute, being so small but carrying real swords. Her colors struck
me, being similar to my own. Her hair was shorter than mine, cleaner cut, but nearly white. She
wore a black bow atop her head. Her eyes were blue, though darker than mine. But there was no
mistaking us for relatives. I was nearly twice her height, and our builds were different.
Was she sitting there, waiting for me? Or did she happen to be there when I arrived? I raised a
hand, waved to her. She waved back. She hopped off the porch and walked towards the base of
the hill. She stopped about half way, looking up at me.
“How did you make it into the portal so quickly?” she said.
A knife came out of my pocket. I held it up near my ear, ready to throw. “How did you deflect
the knife I threw at you?”
We both waited for the other to answer. Neither of us did.
“No parley, then?” she said.
I shook my head. “No.”
She drew her shorter sword. “Then you will die here.”
“Bring it,” I said.
She charged up the hill at me.

---

She was at a disadvantage below me. Not only was it easier to strike from above, but I was out
of her range. I could throw knives, but she couldn’t hit me unless she came to melee. I had no
intention of letting her get that close, but I couldn’t run. My injured leg effectively brought me to
a standstill, compared to her speed.
I threw my knife. It twirled down the hillside, and bounced off when she batted it with her
sword. The sharp ​twang r​ ang through the air. The knife tumbled away into the cherry trees.
Youmu had to stand still for a second to deflect the knife. Then she continued running up at
me.
I whipped out another knife and threw it at her. She stopped, held her sword at just the right
angle, and deflected the knife. This one went down to the ground, bounded off the hillside.
Youmu started moving again.
I could hold her still if I threw one knife at a time. What if I threw more? A ​lot ​more?
 I held up two knives, one in each hand, and threw them both. Youmu flipped her second
sword from its sheath. She crossed her blades before her, like a letter ​X ​leaning on its side. My
knives hit one sword each. She pulled her swords apart at the right moment to send the knives
flying away from her.
I threw another knife, and another. She blocked them both. I couldn’t throw fast enough to
keep her from reaching me. Not if I kept playing fair. She was almost to the hilltop, and ready to
chop my feet out from under me.
I ​shifted.​ Youmu froze in a ludicrous running pose. She touched the hill only by the toe of her
left shoe. Her other foot hung in air, about to hit the dirt and bring her close enough to cut me.
With her paused, I walked down the hill, towards the house. I went in a wide berth around
Youmu. I wished I could sneak up behind her and put a knife in her back. But my ​shift d ​ oesn’t
affect things very close to me. She would reanimate, and be in perfect range to lop my head off.
Instead of stabbing her point blank, I threw knife after knife on my way down the hill. The
knives stuck in air shortly after they left my hand. There were six of them by the time I was on
level ground. All of them ready to fly at Youmu from different angles, heights and distances, as
soon as I released the ​shift.
Which I did.
And Youmu ​still d ​ idn’t die.
She stopped running, as if she immediately knew I was no longer on the hill. She didn’t
hesitate. She showed no surprise at my disappearance. She turned, and her longer sword was
already in place to deflect the first knife. The other five came at her, but there was the shortest of
delays between each of them. She used that time to position her weapons in sequence, and the
knives all bounced away. One knife came spinning towards me, passed by my foot as it skipped
along the ground. I heard it hit the house behind me.
“How can you ​do​ that?” I yelled at her. “Nobody’s reflexes are that fast!”
She turned to me. She knew where I was, as if she had seen me ​shift​.
“How can ​you ​move without time passing?” she yelled back.
My lips peeled back from my teeth. “I kill you. That’s how.”
She ran back down the hill, coming at me fast. I threw more knives, and she blocked them all.
When she got too close, I ​shifted ​again, moved over towards the stream. Left a trail of knives
hanging in air behind me. I let the ​shift g​ o, the knives flew, and Youmu deflected them. It made
her into a dancing swordsman, turning her body and arms every which way, slicing her swords
around to meet the incoming knives.
All the knives had fallen. Youmu stood, breathing heavily, holding up both her weapons.
“Stop ​toying w ​ ith me!” she shouted. “Either strike me down, or take your death like a
warrior!”
“I’m not playing around, moron!” I shouted back, shaking a fist at her. “We’re evenly
matched! You can’t get close to me, and my knives can’t hit you.”
“We’re anything but even,” she said. “I don’t fight as if it were a game!”
She turned, slashed the shorter of her swords downward. A dark hole opened in air where her
blade cut. The same that she had used to escape from the Hakurei shrine, when we first met. She
lifted her longer sword and stabbed it into the rent.
“What are you do—” I started to say.
 Another, smaller hole opened in the space before me. Youmu’s blade stuck out of it, and right
into my chest.

---

Wait. This wasn’t right.

I looked down, saw the blade coming out of nowhere. Saw it stabbed into me at an angle,
between my breasts. I looked up. Youmu pushed the sword deeper into the dark hole, and the
blade plunged further into me. The skin on my back puckered, and the sword’s tip poked out my
beside my spine. I tried to gasp in surprise, but I could draw no breath.
It didn’t hurt.
“No,” I said, and I paid for it. Wet heat came up my throat. I coughed out blood in a red spray.
It flowed over my lower lip and dribbled down my chin. A metallic taste filled my mouth. Had
my lung been punctured? Was my heart burst?
Youmu pulled her sword from the dark hole, and thus from my chest. It felt cold and rigid,
being drawn out of my flesh. The hole closed once Youmu’s sword was out of it. I fell to my
knees. My chest was desperate to pull in air, but couldn’t.
“This...,” I said. “This isn’t fair.”
I coughed again, speckling more blood on the dirt.
“No, it isn’t.” Youmu sheathed the longer sword, but kept out the shorter. She walked towards
me. “Nothing is fair. Not how I was tricked. Not how Gensokyo was destroyed. Nor how you
died.”
I couldn’t ​breathe.​ My head grew light, wobbled around on my shoulders. Fear burned into
me. Simple, panicky, childish fear.
“No,” I said. “I don’t... I don’t want to die.”
Youmu now stood over me. Tears flowed from her eyes, rolled off her cheeks, dripped and
made little wet spots on the ground. Her tears mingled with specks my blood.
“Neither do I,” she said. “But how do you think the people of Gensokyo feel? They deserve
justice. I hope I can overcome my cowardice and give it to them.” She held her sword down,
touched the blade to my neck. “When you pass the Sanzu River, if you can forgive me, tell them
how sorry I am.”
“Please,” I said. My throat bobbed against the tip of her sword. “Please don’t kill me.”
“I do you mercy. You died honorably, in battle, even if for an unjust cause. Where as I....” She
shook her head. Then she pulled her sword back, slashed it down, and opened my neck.
I lost what little breath I had. My vision turned red, then went black. I felt my body slam on
the ground, but there was no pain.
I struggled. I thrashed my arms and legs, grasping for something. Anything that would keep
me alive. But I lost. My body failed me. My chest emptied, air blowing bloody bubbles out of my
ruined neck. My heart stopped. The strength in my limbs faded, and went limp.
Remilia​.
My last thought was of my mistress. I saw Remilia Scarlet, and she was mourning my death.
She cried and cried. The others tried to comfort her. Patchouli read her favorite books to her.
Meiling promised to be her new bodyguard. Koakuma offered to be her new maid. Flandre held
her elder sister, giving her a shoulder to weep on.
But there was no comfort. Sakuya was gone, and her mistress’s heart was gone with her.
I died.
I love you, Remilia. And I’m sorry.

Chapter Eleven

“That’s very good. Not only that you felt regret, but that you love.”
I was dead. There was no Sakuya Izayoi. I had nothing with which see, hear, or feel. There was
nothing in me to ​be.​ I had become naught.
“Come now. That’s not true. If you love anything, then something must be doing the loving.
Don’t you agree?”
I didn’t agree. I had no mind, had no capacity to agree with anything. No intellect, no thought.
“Perhaps not. But you still have a heart, as weak and dirty as it’s become. That heart still
loves. I can see it.”
I had no heart. There was no room for love, or for pain. There was nothingness, and nothing
within it.
“You really need to stop lying to yourself, dear. Maybe I should rekindle the flames. Your
mistress, Remilia Scarlet, is alive and well. She doesn’t know that you’ve died. She loves you
from the deepest reaches of her heart, and she always will. Don’t you want to go back to her?”
 “​Yes​!” I cried, bursting out of the nothingness. “Let me go back! Let me see her again!”
Something enveloped me. Comforted me, held me. It was warm, peaceful and wonderful. It
was pink, with threads of blue.
“There now,” it said. “You will see her again, as soon as you’re ready. Whether she can see ​you
is a more serious matter. We’ll need to make you much more real before anyone can perceive
you. It’s been a long time since one so shady entered Hakugyokuro. Yet in the strangest turn of
events, you were already here when you died.”
The the pink and blue slowly took shape before me. It remained all around me, but also
became a silhouette shaped like a person. A woman. She was tall, motherly, beautiful.
“See me,” she said. “Let some of my life be yours, until you regain your own. Talk with me. See
my mind and my reason, and recall your own.”
I remembered who I was. I remembered ​that ​I was. I felt myself as separate being from this
woman. She was greater than me, both in size and in density. She was the size and shape of a
human woman. I was a little dot, a speck of awareness floating in the pink and blue.
I was naked. Not that I wore no clothes, for I had no body to wear clothes on. Rather, this
woman saw through me. She knew every detail about me. Everyone I had hurt. Everyone I loved.
Everything good, bad, and any mixture of the two. I was an open book. Anyone could see
through me, just for the looking.
“That’s untrue, sadly,” she said. “I’m the only one who can see you for now. That’s the
problem we need to fix. And yes, I know all about you, but don’t worry. I can’t deem you as good
or bad. I’m a counselor, not a judge. The judges are on the other side of the Sanzu River.”
Once I understood myself, both what I was and wasn’t, I turned my attention to the woman. I
could see her clearly. She looked like she wore a body, though I could tell she had no earthly
flesh. No human body could contain her. She wore a blue traditional Gensokyo robe. On her
head sat a nightcap with a raised triangle of cloth on front, colored with a swirling shape. Her
hair was wavy and pink. Her eyes were the same color. The color of cherry blossoms.
I knew her. I had met her before.
She laughed. Mirth radiated from her like good cheer from the noon sun.
“I was hoping you would remember me!” she said. “Yes, I’m the one who greeted you the first
time you visited Hakugyokuro. You still had a body, but traveled away from it.”
“What’s your name?” I said. I had a voice. I could speak, and she would hear me. Even if she
was the only one.
“Oh, yes. How rude of me. I already know your name. I should tell you mine.” She bowed, and
the whole world seemed to bend along with her. “I am most recent of the Saigyouji line, that
rules the netherworldly gardens of Hakugyokuro. My name is Yuyuko, the ghostly child.”
She didn’t look like a child. She looked at least five years older than I was.
“I’m much older than that, dear. But it doesn’t matter. We’re all children, no matter how long
we live.”
“What is this place?” I said. “Where are we?”
“Nowhere special,” she said. “We’re in my bedroom, if you’re interested. Not very far from
where you died. You’re hovering near the window over my headboard, though you can’t see it
yet.”
I couldn’t see anything but pink and blue, and Yuyuko herself.
 “I know, dear. I seek to make that better. And we’d best get started right away. We must get to
work on making you visible. There’s a girl who wants to meet you, and another girl who needs
to.”
I wondered who she was talking about.
“Don’t worry about that just yet,” she said. “Right now, our job is to make you whole. It will
take some doing, though. We’ll need to untie some knots, expose some secrets, and gain some
remorse. It will hurt, but not for long. And before you know it, you’ll be all better!”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said. “And I don’t care. Either let me see Remilia,
or leave me alone.”
“But don’t you see?” said Yuyuko. “I’m trying to help you with just that. It’s up to you whether
you see your mistress again. I can’t grant that. It’s not mine to give. But I can help you find the
way, if you’ll let me.”
What ​way w ​ as she talking about? She needed to start making some sense, or I would ignore
her.
“Please don’t!” she said. “You’ll only hurt yourself worse. Let me give you what I can. I can’t
show your mistress to you, but I can show you the past. Look at this.”
Beside Yuyuko, Remilia Scarlet suddenly appeared. Just as I remembered her. Blue hair,
bloody red eyes. Frilly dress and a hat to match. She gave me that adorably wicked smile,
showing her vampire’s fangs.
“​Mistress!​ ” I rushed over to her, tried to take her in my arms. “I’m sorry! I failed you! I’m so
sorry!”
Nothing happened. I had no arms to hug her with, nor was there any substance of her to hug.
I went right through the image of her. She faded, and was gone.
“What happened?” I said. “Where did she go?”
“She was never here,” said Yuyuko. “That was one of your memories. A fond memory, though
I don’t know from when. So many times, she smiled at you that way.”
“Show me again!” I said, buzzing around Yuyuko’s head like an angry fly. “Bring her back
now!”
“I don’t think I should. That’s not the memory you need to see. Let me guide you, so you can
see the real thing once more.”
“Fine!” I said. “I’ll do whatever you want, if I can be with her again.”
Yuyuko nodded. “Motivated by love. A bit of anger, but more by love. That’s a good place to
start. Speaking of starting, we have to choose a beginning point, don’t we? If there was one place
we could say this whole mess started, what would it be?”
I didn’t know. My whole life had been a failure. I had been killing people for as long as I could
remember. Maybe we should start when I was born.
“Oh dear no,” said Yuyuko. “That would take far too long. Only the judges go into that much
detail, and we’re in a time crunch now. In light of that, I have a suggestion. Let’s begin a little
more recently than your birth. How about one year ago, when you first met a girl named
Marisa.”
The pink and blue around us vanished. The two of us hovered over the woods, the outskirts of
some Gensokyo village. It was nighttime. Summer crickets chirped. The sun had long since gone
down, but it was still hot out. Especially for a girl hiding in the woods, hoping the trees would
conceal her. She didn’t want to be seen. Her or the cart she pulled behind her. Or the body she
had thrown into the cart. The body that, just an hour ago, had belonged to a man who died of a
knife to the chest.
This girl was named Sakuya. She was bringing the body home to feed her mistress’s insane
little sister, Flandre. The cart bumped along the uneven ground as she pulled it. She wiped the
sweat from her brow, looking forward to getting home and taking a cold bath.
It so happened that another girl was in the same place at the same time. A young witch named
Marisa was hunting for fairies. She had a spellcard in one hand, and an empty jar in the other.
She hoped to find a fairy, kill it, and collect the dying sparkles. Such was a valuable and rare
component for powerful spells. She carefully stepped along the underbrush, doing her best to
move silently. She heard the cart’s wheels jostling against the ground, and she stood still.
Sakuya came by, and the two girls saw each other. The were both horrified by the sight of the
other. One, because she had been caught. The other, because a dead man lay in a cart.
Sakuya could have easily killed Marisa, and brought home twice as much food for Flandre. Or
at least half again as much food, since Marisa wasn’t a very big girl. But Sakuya had never been
seen in the act. She panicked, and she ran, leaving the cart behind.
The memory ended there, but I knew what happened afterward. Marisa took the knife from
the man’s chest. She later took it to her best friend, a shrine maiden named Reimu. She
convinced Reimu to go to the Scarlet Mansion and clear the sky mist covering Gensokyo.
The forest night disappeared, and the pink and blue returned.
“Let’s pause there,” said Yuyuko. “Tell me what you think about this, Sakuya.”
I said nothing. Why should I talk? She already knew everything about me.
​ now,” she said. “It’s important that you say it. Tell me what you’re
“It’s not important that I​ k
thinking.”
“That I hate myself for every person I ever killed,” I said. “I’ve always hated myself for it. If
only I could live my life all over again.”
“Don’t say that,” said Yuyuko. “We won’t get anywhere by spouting off sentences with no
content. ​If only i​ s a dangerous pair of words when discussing these matters. So is ​what if a ​ nd a
few other phrases. Let me show you. What if you did have the chance to do it all over again?”
“I wouldn’t kill anybody.”
“And let Flandre starve?”
“No!” I said. “Remilia fed Flandre for a long time before I came along.”
“But not as well. Nor was her mansion as clean. And she was lonely before you were in her
life. You don’t know it, because you’ve never seen her without yourself. But let’s use the
dangerous words again. What if you were never born, and Remilia never raised you?”
“She’d be heartbroken,” I said. “So would I.”
“Close, but not quite. You can’t be broken over something you never had, but you can be
empty for it. And that’s what Remilia would be without you.”
“What are you saying?” I said, up close to her face. “That it was ​good ​for me to kill people?”
“Not at all,” said Yuyuko. “What I’m saying is that you murdered, strangely enough, because
you loved your family. It wasn’t right, but nor was it wholly evil.”
“It doesn’t matter. A wrong deed for the right reason is still wrong.”
 “That’s correct. But there’s a fine distinction we need to make. There are always choices in
life. All too often, those choices aren’t between good and bad, but only between two bads. Many
of those times, one bad seems no better than the other, so you don’t even have the luxury of
choosing the lesser of two evils. It’s these choices that truly show your character. In cases where
you do wrong no matter what you do, ​why​ you do it makes a difference. You still end up hurting
people and yourself, but if even the smallest desire to do good exits under the evil deed, the
person is salvageable.”
“I’m not,” I said. “I’ve done too much wrong. I can’t be redeemed. I’m garbage. I should be
thrown away and forgotten.”
Yuyuko reached out. Her hand cupped near me, held me still. Her eyes burned into me.
“You say that out of guilt,” she said. “But you also say it out of cowardice. If you’re eliminated,
if Sakuya ​ends, ​then you can’t be held responsible for your wrongdoing. That’s the easy way out.
But even as you try to escape, your conscience aches for punishment. That punishment is
already on you. You’re tasked with something infinitely more terrifying than ceasing to exist.
You’re required to ​keep on ​existing, and to bear the weight of your evil deeds. Insult to injury,
you must make amends. Every waking instant, you must work to set things right.”
She lowered her hand, letting me go.
“None of this is forced on you,” she said. “If you truly want to stop existing, you can destroy
yourself. But you’ll get no help from higher powers. Their love for you is such that they’ll fight
you every step of the way, pulling you back into life again and again.”
“I want to exist,” I said, and it became true as I said it. “I just don’t want to be what I am.”
“Then let’s continue making you better, and go to the next memory. Skipping ahead by a week
or so, we come to another pivotal moment.”
The pink and blue faded away, and we were in the Scarlet Mansion’s observatory. My heart
jumped. I was home!
“No,” said Yuyuko. “This is the past. Look.”
The girl Sakuya stood with the oversize full moon at her back. Remilia had insisted that the
observatory’s enchantments show this image when Sakuya confronted the intruders. She stood
at the ready, a knife in either hand. She heard two girls out in the hallway. Heard them count to
three in unison, and the observatory doors flew open. Sakuya saw Reimu for the first time.
Sakuya threw a knife and intentionally missed. She wanted to make herself known.
“More accurately,” said Yuyuko, “you wanted to scare them.”
Sakuya did that well enough. Reimu and Marisa marched into the observatory, only pride and
momentum keeping them going. Marisa recognized Sakuya from before. Sakuya introduced
herself. Then Reimu stepped up, spoke her name and began to speak her purpose.
But Sakuya already knew those things, and said so. She threw another knife. It hit Reimu in
the thigh. The girls surrendered, and were taken in to captivity.
“Why are you showing me this?” I said. The space around us painted with pink and blue once
more.
“To make a point,” said Yuyuko. “From the first instant you saw Reimu, you hated her. There
was something about her you didn’t like. You learned what that was the day after, and we’ll get
to that a moment. But what about the hatred itself? It was strong at first, became weaker for a
while, and peaked just before Reimu’s death. It varied in intensity, but it was always there. The
strange thing is, you got your revenge the very first time you met her. You defeated her utterly
and completely. You shamed her and disgraced her. You put her in the perfect position for your
mistress to feed on her.”
“Is that supposed to make feel better?” I said. “I already said I regret all this!”
“That regret is good, in that it helps you realize a mistake. But what ​was ​the mistake?”
“You tell me.”
“It would be better for you to say it yourself, but as you wish. You hated Reimu, so you
stabbed her in the leg. Did that balance the scales? Did it set the world to rights? Did you feel
any better about her or yourself? Of course not. Putting two evils together doesn’t make a good.
You can beat your enemies. You can hurt them, debase them, grind them into the ground and
make them beg for mercy. But that only makes you hate them more. You hate them more, you
hurt them more, and so on in a downward spiral until....”
“Until someone dies,” I said.
“Yes. Your case wasn’t quite so simple. Many times along the way, you improved. You drew
yourself up from hatred. You tried to love and forgive. But you still fell further than you climbed.
In the end, the result was the same.”
“So what should I have done?” I said.
Yuyuko shook her head. “Let’s not try to edit the past. ​Should have i​ s another one of those
dangerous word pairs. Things could have happened no differently than they did. You were what
you were at the time, and others involved were what they were. We must focus on what to do
now, a ​ nd from now on.”
“Which is what?”
“It’s simple.” Yuyuko smiled. “You must love your enemies.”
That was too much. I staggered back from her, nearly lost myself in the pink and blue.
“What?” I said. “I can’t make myself ​love ​her! There’s nothing to love!”
“Isn’t there? Doesn’t that bring us to why you hated her in the first place?”
The pink and blue scrolled away, replaced with another memory. Two memories, close
together and painfully similar. In both memories, I ran into a room. I saw a vampire girl on the
floor, stabbed through the heart. I felt sick dread flare inside me, fear that a loved one might
have died. Blood everywhere. A wounded human girl or two lay nearby, unimportant compared
to the vampire.
After the terror passed, after the vampires survived the trauma, they recovered rapidly. They
became better than they had ever been. They no longer thirsted for human blood, nor hungered
for human flesh. They became more of a family. They became closer to a ​good ​family.
“I don’t understand,” I said. “I might hate Reimu for stabbing my mistress, but not for her
recovery.”
“You do indeed,” said Yuyuko. “Remilia and Flandre growing out of the worst aspects of their
vampirism? You hate Reimu for that a hundred times worse than anything else. Marisa too. You
hate them for solving the problem you could never solve.”
“No!” I yelled, putting my face in my hands. “I don’t hate them for that! I’m ​happy t​ hat
happened! Because of that, I didn’t have to kill anymore.”
Yuyuko knelt down before me, held me to her in a hug. “You’re happy it happened, but you
hate that you weren’t the one to do it. You want to be the good thing in Remilia’s and Flandre’s
lives, not let some stranger be it instead. You want to be a positive force on them, so that they’ll
love you. But here’s a wonderful secret. Remilia and Flandre already love you, as much as they
possibly can.”
I cried out. I wailed in sorrow and grief. Ghostly tears flooded from my eyes and pooled in my
hands.
“I don’t deserve it!” I said.
“We can’t ​deserve t​ o be loved,” said Yuyuko. “We’re too imperfect. We constantly make
mistakes, trip over our own feet and hurt others. Sometimes we hurt by accident, and sometimes
we hurt intentionally. Love is strange in that way. It sees past evil deeds and looks at the person
behind them. It doesn’t forget the deeds, and it works tirelessly to redeem the loved one. But it
forgives. Constantly. Eternally. If you’re stuck, trying to find a reason to love someone, then
you’ve already missed the point. Love doesn’t have a reason. Love ​is t​ he reason. It’s the
fundamental fact on which other facts are based.”
“But how?” I sniffed. “How could I love Reimu and Marisa? I’m so used to hating them.”
Yuyuko put a hand on my chin, pushed my face up. Her eyes looked into mine.
“There’s an easy trick,” she said. “When I say ​love your enemies​, I don’t mean the same
intense emotion you feel for Remilia. That only comes naturally. You can’t force it. But what can
you do? Simply, wish for a person’s wellbeing. That’s the opposite of the trap you were caught in
before. Instead of hating them and hurting them, hope that they get better. Hope that they’re
healthy and whole. Hope that they learn, grow, and are happy. Start with that. Wishing a person
well is the simplest form of love, and more complicated loves can come from it. If you did that
for Reimu, you and she might become friends.”
I shook my head. “No. I killed her. She would never forgive me for that.”
“That’s yet to be seen. Even after murder, forgiveness is possible. It may not happen in the
mortal life, but that life is one of many. For instance, take a look at yourself. Don’t you feel more
substantial than you did few minutes ago?”
I looked down at myself, and I realized that I had a self to look at. I had hands and feet, arms
and legs and a body that they attached to. I had eyes to see all this, and ears to hear. I put my
hand to my face, and I could feel them both. But I was still a ghost. I was transparent. I could see
the mat flooring through my thighs.
Another realization. The pink and blue were gone, except for Yuyuko herself. I was in a
bedroom, sitting on the floor by the foot of the bed. Light from Hakugyokuro’s sunless sky came
in through the window.
Yet another realization. I still was naked. I had reformed into a see-through version of my
body, but there was too little of me to support any clothing. I was ashamed. I covered my breasts
and my groin. Yuyuko laughed.
“No need, dear,” she said, stroking my cheek with her hand. “I know you more intimately than
lovers know each other. There’s nothing to be ashamed of, anyway. You have a very nice figure.”
“So what if I have a shape?” I said. “I still don’t know how I can be forgiven.”
“Then let me show you.” Yuyuko turned to the bedroom’s sliding screen door, and she called.
“You can come in now!”

---
 “Is she heres? Is she okays?”
The door slammed to the side, and there stood Marisa. She looked much like her old self,
every bit as substantial as Yuyuko. Her hair was a golden mane, and it shined. Her eyes burned
with bright amber. She was still a skinny beanpole, even as a ghost. The robe she wore left no
doubt at how flat she was.
“Sakuyas!” she ran into the room, dropped to her knees, and slid across the floor to me. That
put her in perfect position to tackle me with a hug. There was almost too little of me to hug, but
she gathered me together and squeezed me tight.
“Marisa!” I said, hugging her as well as I could. Fresh ghost tears streamed down my face.
“I’m so sorry! I can’t ever... I never meant—”
“Shush, maid girls.” She rocked me back and forth. “S’okay nows. I forgive yous. And I’m
sorry toos. Got mad at yous, couple two or three times, and didn’t make anything betters.”
“No!” I sobbed onto her shoulder. “What you did was nowhere near as bad—”
“Doesn’t matters. Bad is bads. Some bads worse than others, but can’t judge each others, you
knows?”
I kept crying onto her. “I’m so sorry. I can never make up for what I did to you. I can’t
apologize enough.”
“Pretty trues, maid girls,” she said. “Saying sorries only goes so fars, and it’s not very far at
alls. That’s when forgivings gotta step ins. If forgiving doesn’t happens, all the sorries in the
worlds just spitting in the winds.”
“Well spoken!” said Yuyuko, standing off to the side. “To that end, I suggest we all get going.
You two have a friend to save, and I need to go keep my gardener from committing ​seppuku​.”
“She’s rights!” Marisa pulled back far enough to look me in the eyes. “Reimu’s in big troubles!
Gotta go help hers.”
“Trouble?” I said. “How can she be in trouble if she’s dead?”
Yuyuko laughed again. “Listen to you, silly child! We just finished pulling you from the brink
of nonexistence. We’ll have more work to do, but later. Your friend is in greater need now.”
“Reimu’s in same kinda problems,” said Marisa. “Only worses. And kind of differents.
Anways, get ups! Come with mees!”
How solid she was, versus how solid I wasn’t, gave her strength over me. She lifted me to my
feet, and could have thrown me around a Sakuya-shaped paper cutout. I was limp in her arms. I
didn’t want to go.
“I don’t think Reimu would want my help,” I said.
“You’re wrong,” said Yuyuko. “You’re the only one who ​can h ​ elp her. She wants to see you
more than anything.”
“All right.” I said. “I owe her the chance to face her murderer. I don’t make any guarantees,
but—”
“Never get guarantees,” said Marisa. “Just let’s get your ghosty butts out the doors. All we ask
fors.”
Chapter Twelve

I had so many questions. So many worries, so many things I didn’t understand. But I felt
Marisa’s urgency. My problems could wait. If Reimu was in danger, I would give myself
completely to helping her. I didn’t know what good I would be, but I would try. It was both the
least and most I could do.
Yuyuko led us out of the house. Her feet never touched the floor as she walked, if I should
even call it ​walking. ​She floated along, gently bobbing up and down.
“Teach me to do that sometimes?” said Marisa, pointing to her feet.
Yuyuko looked back, smiled at us. “There are many ghostly tricks you’ll learn if you’re one for
long enough. I’m hoping you won’t have time. After I convince my gardener not to kill herself,
we’ll need to talk about getting you three back to Gensokyo.” Her eyes met mine. “I did promise
you the chance to see your mistress again.”
“Thank you,” I said. “That’s more than I deserve. But I’m not sure what it’s worth. I mean,
what would Remilia think if she saw me like this?” I brushed my hands at my naked, transparent
self.
 “She would love no you less than she always has,” said Yuyuko. “But I don’t want to send a
trio of specters back to Gensokyo. I would like to see you in mortal bodies again. I won’t say
more on that for the moment, since there’s a few things I’m unsure of.” She paused. “Unless,
that is, you don’t ​want ​to go back.”
“No!” I said. “I do. I really do.”
“Me toos,” said Marisa. “Got lots of spells to makes, things to blow ups.”
We stepped out onto the wooden landing before Yuyuko’s front door. The sky had darkened
from when I last saw it. There was no sun, no moon or stars, but the colors had deepened from
pink to orange and red. Dark blue crept in around the edges. Night was coming on.
“How late is it?” I said, looking at the sky. “How long was I in there?”
“A few hours,” said Yuyuko. “It took some time to reignite your awareness, but it was downhill
after that. Now if you’ll excuse me, I must go see my gardener.”
She floated down off the porch, headed towards one of the giant tree roots.
“Yuyuko!” I called after her.
She glanced back at me, one pink eyebrow raised.
“You keep talking about your gardener. Is she the one who....” I couldn’t say it.
But she could. “Killed you? Yes, that’s Youmu. And she feels just terrible about it, among
many things. Don’t worry. She’ll apologize to you soon.”
“She doesn’t need to,” I said. “I’ve already forgiven her.”
She smiled wide. “Very good! But you won’t be sure of that forgiveness until you see her. Go
meet your friend, and come back to the house when you’re ready.”
Yuyuko turned and continued floating away. Marisa helped me down off the porch, to the
packed ground. I could feel it under my feet, but it had more substance than I did. Every grain of
dirt pressed into me, pushing and poking. But that hurt much less than Marisa reaching up and
smacking a hand over my eyes. It felt like ramming into a brick wall while running at a full
sprint. The impact reverberated all through me.
“​Ouch​!” I said, though I had no strength to pull her hand away. “What’s this for?”
“Sorries!” she said. “Didn’t mean to hit so hards. Forgots, you’re kind of achy and breakies
right nows. But had to cover your eyes. Your body’s still out heres. Didn’t think you’d want to see
thats.”
She was right. I didn’t want to see it. Marisa linked her arm in mine and pulled me along,
keeping a hand over my eyes.
“Yuyuko is leaving my corpse out to rot?” I said. “Or does she want me to use it again?”
“Never getting backs in that body, maid girls. Neck’s almost cut throughs. Looks empties,
kind of deflateds. And doesn’t smell too goods.”
“So what did Yuyuko mean when she said she wanted us to have bodies again? I don’t want to
live in someone else’s body.”
“Don’t know, Sakuyas. Let’s help Reimus first, or only twos going backs.”
“Sorry,” I said. “You’re right. Where is she?”
“Little rivers here drops off into a pools. Hear thats?”
I did. The sound of running water had been in the air since we stepped out of the house.
“Reimu’s down in the pools,” said Marisa. “Watch your steps. Little wood bridges to go overs.”
“Not so fast, please,” I said. “My feet aren’t as solid as yours. It hurts walking out here.”
 “Sorries. Take it easies.”
We crossed over the stream and came to a sharp, short slope. We had passed my body, so
Marisa took her hand from my eyes. I took care not to look behind us. At our feet, rounded stone
steps led down the slope and to the pool where the stream fell. Marisa helped me down.

---

“More stairs,” I said “Of course.”

“You toos?” said Marisa. “Climbed big old stone staircases before you got heres?”
“Yes, though I bet it was easier for you than for me. Did Reimu go through that too?”
“Ask her yourselfs, pretty quick heres.”
We reached the bottom of the steps. My feet pressed onto soft grass, which was worse than
the dirt. The grass blades bent under me as if I weighed no more than a ladybug. They cut,
sliced, jabbed and stabbed at the soles of my feet. I wasn’t made of physical matter, so I couldn’t
be injured, but that didn’t stop it from hurting like mad.
Marisa held me with both hands, keeping me from collapsing in pain. I cried out. Fresh tears
dripped off my face.
“It hurts!” I yelled. “My feet!”
“Easy, Sakuyas!” Marisa wedged her hands in my armpits and tried to lift me off the ground. I
was too tall for her. She wrapped her arms around my thighs and hefted me up, pulling my feet
up from the grass. This gave her a better view of my pelvis than I wanted anyone to have, and it
added to my shame. She didn’t notice.
I could breath without crying. Relief came to my feet. Experience told me they should be
drenched in blood and hanging in fleshy tatters. But my feet looked no different from a minute
ago.
“Let me carry yous,” said Marisa, looking up at me.
“No!” I said. “I should make it to Reimu by myself, no matter how bad it hurts.”
“Not doing Reimus any goods hurting yourselves. Partly caused whole problems in the first
places.”
“I shouldn’t have to rely on you!” I said. “If I can’t stand by myself, what good am I?”
“Nobody stands all by themselves,” said Marisa. “Got to lean on goodness sometimes. I leaned
on ghostly girls, Yuyukos, when first came heres. Now lean on mees. Might return favors some
days.”
I closed my eyes, nodded. “All right. I’ll owe you one.”
She lowered me into her arms, cradled me like a baby. We must have looked ridiculous, a
little thing like Marisa carrying around a tall person like me. But there was less of me, so I
weighed less than she did.
We came to the pool, where the stream landed from a miniature waterfall. Something was
obviously wrong. The stream water was beautiful, clear crystalline blue. The pool water was oily
black, run through with streaks of red. The water was again normal once it flowed out of the pool
and into the wetlands beyond.
“You said Reimu was ​in ​the pool,” I said. “Is that... her?”
 Marisa set me on the rock that protruded over the water. She stood on the grass beside me. I
could have draped my legs down and felt the black water with my toes. I didn’t dare. If the grass
hurt my feet, I couldn’t imagine what this would do.
“It’s her, yeahs,” said Marisa. She looked down at the pool, and she was sad. “Been like thats
since we got heres. Have to scream at hers or doesn’t notice yous.”
“But how did she get here?” I said. “Yuyuko told me that only healthy spirits, like you, get into
Hakugyokuro. I wouldn’t be here if I weren’t already here when I died.”
“Doesn’t work like thats,” said Marisa. “Yuyukos wants every dead humans to come heres,
especially bad ones. So she can fix them ups, like with yous. And with mees, a little bits. But can’t
force peoples to do anythings. If ghost’s all mad or selfish or scareds, won’t want to come heres.”
“Then how is Reimu here?”
“’Cause Yuyukos can’t make someones do what they don’t wanna doos. Couldn’t force Reimus
heres, but couldn’t force me ​not ​to bring Reimus heres.” She smiled, that mischievous smirk I
had hated a lifetime ago. She put her thumb to her chest. “Was stronger than miko girls when we
dieds. Dragged her heres kicking and screamings.”
I smiled. I was proud of Marisa.
“Good,” I said. “I’m glad you did that. Now we might have a chance to help her. But....” My
smile faded when I looked down into the blackened pool. “I can’t blame her. I would hate me
too, after what happened.” I took a breath, let it out. “So what happens now?”
“This.” Marisa knelt down beside the pool. She held up a hand, then smacked it down flat on
the water. It didn’t splash, but it ​jiggled, l​ ike a fat belly.
“Wake up, Reimus!” Marisa yelled at the water. “Someone comes to see yous!”
The red streaks within the black stopped floating around at random. They gathered and grew,
twisting into a pattern. They made a long, oval shape outside a smaller circle. I didn’t
understand the shape, until it solidified just under the surface.
An eye. An evil eye of red and black.
A voice bubbled up from the water. It sounded like Reimu’s voice only as a man addicted to
pipeweed sounds like himself before he ever smoked.
“​Mmmmarisa?”​ the voice said. “What, what, what do you what? I t-t-told you leave me
aluh-aluh-alone, unless you could find Sa-sa-​sa-​ ​sa-SA-SA-SAKUYA​!”
“She’s right heres,” said Marisa, pointing up at me. “Not her old selves, but so’s for all of us.”
“I’m up here, Reimu,” I said. I put my palms together, held my hands near my forehead. Tears
stung at my eyes. “I’m sorry. For everything I ever did to you, I’m sorry. I humbly beg your
forgiveness.”
There was so much more I wanted to say. I wanted to count off each time I had wronged her. I
wanted to apologize for sneering at her, as badly as I wanted to apologize for murdering her. But
Marisa was right. Apologies only go so far, and forgiveness must go the rest of the way. So I held
in my guilt.
The pupil of the eye turned to me, and it flared. The red became brighter, and the black grew
deeper.
​ y luh-luh-​life ​and all
“Suh-suh-sorry?” it said. “Is that all you ca-ca-ca-can say? You ​ended m
you can sah-sah-say is ​sorry​?”
 “Yes. That’s all I can say, but not all I can do.” I held a hand down to the water. “I’ll do
anything you ask of me. I’m your servant, for as long as you want me.”
“Th-th-then you can buh-buh-buh-​burn​!”
The red light leaped up from the water like the tip of a blade. Marisa jumped back in surprise.
I didn’t move. The sharp point of energy stabbed between my eyes and flew out the back of my
head. My ghostly body couldn’t be damaged, but it could be hurt.

---

Pain.
Pain like nothing I had ever experienced, or could even imagine experiencing. It tore me to
pieces, and smashed me back together only to tear me apart again. It crushed me under the
weight of a million boulders. It cooked me to char in the heart of the sun. It drowned me in the
deepest waters, and laughed at me as I struggled for breath. It picked at my every flaw and
wound. It gave me new wounds and ridiculed me for being wounded.
It was death. Not the trivial act of the spirit leaving the body. It was to life what shadow was to
light, what cold was to warmth. It was the absence of life. It was Reimu giving me what she had.
Had I done this to her? Was this totally my fault? It couldn’t be. I had also murdered Marisa,
and she became a whole and healthy ghost. Reimu was like this because she wanted to be. She
now hated me worse than I had ever hated her. I couldn’t make her forgive me. I could only
fulfill my promise.
The pain faded, and I could feel again. I felt the rock I sat on, overhanging the black pool. I
felt Marisa holding me up. I would have collapsed on the grass if not for her. Most of all, I felt
heartbreak. I couldn’t express how sorry I was to Reimu.
“Thank you,” I said to Marisa, once I could speak again.
“You okay nows?” she said.
“No. But I can sit up on my own.”
She let me. I looked back down into the pool. The eye had retreated, grown smaller. Its anger
was spent for the moment.
Marisa stomped her foot near the water. “Now Reimus! That wasn’t very nices—”
I held up a hand, quieting her. “Let me talk to her, please.”
Marisa hesitated, but she nodded. She stepped away from the pool, but was close enough to
grab me if I was attacked again.
“There,” I said to the eye in the water. “I burned. What next can I do for you?”
The voice gurgled from the depths. “You, you, you mock me!”
“No,” I said. “I did as you asked. You know how badly you just hurt me. You’ve been suffering
the same hurt yourself. Now I ask for the next service I can provide to you.”
“I duh-duh-don’t want your service! I wah-wah-wah-want you to duh-duh-die like I did!”
“You already have that,” I said. “My body has been destroyed. You stabbed me in the leg, like I
stabbed you a year ago. A sword pierced my heart, and my neck was cut so deeply that I was
nearly beheaded.”
“Then, then, then why? How can y-y-you have arms and legs and a fuh-fuh-face?”
“I’m still a ghost,” I said. “Just in the shape of a person.”
 “But you ca-ca-ca-can walk around. You can stand and be-be-be-be beh-beh-beautiful. I’m
stuh-stuh-stuck down here.”
“Only by your own doing. You can come up any time you want. But you have to forgive those
who hurt you. You have to let go of your hate.”
“Don-don-don’t try to bargain with meh-meh-me! I’ll never fuh-fuh-fuh-forgive you! You
kuh-kuh-killed me!”
“I did,” I bowed my head to her. “And I literally can’t apologize enough. But I’m not
bargaining with you. I’m just telling you what is. Coming up out of that pool without forgiving is
like walking to the Hakurei Shrine without walking to the Hakurei Shrine. The two are the same.
It’s your hate that’s holding you down there.”
“You don’t nuh-nuh-know what’s guh-guh-going on inside me. You can’t juh-judge me.”
I nodded. How many times had I wanted to say that? How many times had I yelled, ​Don’t
judge me​! Using moral anonymity to hide how disgusted I was with myself.
“You’re right,” I said. “I’m not trying to judge you. I’m trying to help you. I want you to get
better. Please forgive me, Reimu. Not for my sake, but for your own.”
“Re-remilia.”
My heart jolted to hear her speak my mistress’s name.
“What about her?” I said.
“She sa-sa-said the same thing to me wuh-wuh-once. Asked me to forgive her for
bye-bye-biting me.”
“And did you?”
“Yuh-yes. But not because I wanted to, to, to. I huh-huh-had to, or I would’ve died.”
“This situation is no better. If you don’t forgive now, you’re stuck in a fate worse than death.”
The eye was fading, red being absorbed into the black. But even the black water wasn’t quite
so dark as it had been.
“I nuh-nuh-know. But I still don’t want to. My life is oh-oh-over. I’ll never see my shu-shrine
again. I’ll never see buh-Boundary during a full moon. I miss those things, Sakuya. I miss them
so bad.”
“I feel your sorrow,” I said. “I want to see Remilia and Flandre again. I want Patchouli to read
to me. I want China to challenge me when I walk up to the gate, even though she knows who I
am. I want to go back and make the Scarlet Mansion a good place to live, full of good people.
Now I don’t know if I’ll ever get that chance.”
“So what’s the puh-puh-point? It’s over. Everything’s over.”
“Not everything. I have it on good authority that the mortal life is one of many. And besides,
there’s a possibility we can go back to Gensokyo. Not in our old bodies, but not as ghosts either.”
The blackness was clearing, like an oil slick rinsed away by the running water. Deep in the
pool, resting on the silty bottom, did I see the form of a human girl? Was she as naked as me?
Did her charcoal-colored hair wave with the water’s flow?
“Really?” the voice said. And did I see the girl’s lips move with it?
“I don’t know for sure,” I said. “I trust the person who told me this, but she said it was only a
possibility. Even she doesn’t know all the details.”
“Who t-told you?”
 “The ruler of this realm. Her name is Yuyuko Saigyouji. She’s a ghost too, you know. But
much more solid than either of us. She’s helping me out of the same problem you’re in.”
“Can I meet her?”
“Sure you can. You’ve been down there long enough. Let’s bring you up.”
I hopped off the rock and landed in the pool. It came up near my hips. Water splashed
everywhere, and it hurt me on many levels. It was too cold, and it froze me. The rocks and sand
on the pool’s bed bit into my feet. The flow was too strong, and it would to wash me away. I grit
my ghostly teeth and stood still. I was here to help a friend. I wouldn’t let my immaterial being
stop me.
As if in response to that resolve, the water flowed around my legs. It parted to me as if I still
wore a body.
“D-don’t!” Reimu moaned. “You’ll hurt me!”
“Love hurts,” I said, and I dived into the pool. Icy cold enveloped me. Water filled my nose
and mouth, threatening to cut off my breath, until I remembered that I didn’t need to breathe. I
could speak in water as easily as in air. I fought against the current, swimming my way down to
Reimu. The water resisted me, but only for movement. I didn’t naturally sink or float.
I put my face down near Reimu’s. She looked like her old self, but was transparent like me. I
could see a smoothed river stone embedded in the sand under her head. Rippling light from the
water’s surface danced on her. I put a hand on her cheek, and her eyes snapped open. She
started, took in a surprised breath.
“Sakuya!” she said.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’ll say it forever and mean it forever. I’m sorry for how I hurt you.”
“I know,” she said. “So am I.”
“For what?”
“I hurt you too, Sakuya.” She closed one eye at me. “Or didn’t you notice? I saw you, in the
woods where you killed me. Marisa and I hovered there for a while, before she dragged me
here.”
Again, I was ashamed. “What did you see?”
“You taking care of yourself. You crawled around with one lame leg. You took out the knife
and wrapped the wound. You were so strong. Stronger than I’ve ever been. I could never take a
knife out of my own leg.”
“Not strong in the way that mattered.”
She brought up a hand, touched my chest just below my collarbones. “​Every ​form of strength
matters. But you’ve reminded me of something important. The greatest strength of all.”
“That whole ​love ​thing again, huh?”
She nodded, and she smiled. It wasn’t a happy look, but one of remorse. Tears stood out from
her eyes.
“I forgive you, Sakuya,” she said. “You hurt me worse than I’ve ever been hurt, but you’ve
suffered just as badly. I can tell you regret it, and you want to make it better.”
“Thank you,” closed my eyes, bowed my head to her. “My offer of service still stands.”
“Then get me out of this pool.”
“As you wish.”
 I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her up from the silt, holding her against me. She felt
so thin, like a Reimu doll that would crush if I squeezed too tightly. Her arms came around me,
clamped around my neck, though I barely felt them. I got my legs beneath me, set foot on the
pool’s floor, and pushed us up to the water’s surface.
We came up, splashing and sputtering. Two naked girl ghosts. We weren’t entirely there, but
we were both more than nothing. The water was clear now. No black or red remained, only
lovely blue. Marisa knelt by the pool’s edge, and she was crying. Tears fell from her chin and
dripped into the pool.
“You okay now, Reimus?” she said, holding out a hand.
“Not okay, but better.” Reimu unlocked one arm from my neck to take Marisa’s hand. “I’m
sorry. I was rude to you, and I made you worry.”
Marisa shook her head, and she smiled. “No worries. It’s okay nows. Everything’ll get better
nows.”
“Speaking of that,” I said. “We need see Yuyuko. She told us to meet her back at the house
when we were done. Though we have some rough terrain to cross, those of us who aren’t totally
solid.”
Marisa stood up, flexed her skinny arms. “Let me carry you twos! Both light as cherry petals.”
Reimu laughed. It was a good sound. Something I hadn’t heard for too long, and hadn’t
enjoyed hearing for even longer.
“You can carry me if you want,” she said. “Goodness knows, you couldn’t have done it when
we had bodies.”
“Oh, I knows,” said Marisa. “One good things about being a ghosts. Reimus finally lost some
weights.”
Reimu smacked the pool’s surface, splashing water at Marisa. She hopped back to keep from
getting wet. I laughed at them both.
It felt wonderful.
Chapter Thirteen

Marisa tried to carry us, but we were too heavy for her. When we stepped on the grass, our
feet stung, but it wasn’t so painful that we couldn’t walk. Reimu and I were becoming more
solid. That lifted our hearts, which made us even more real.
The three of us, one lightly robed and two naked, climbed up the stone steps to Yuyuko’s
home. She was waiting for us. There was a wooden deck that came off the side of the house. On
it sat a couple of reclined chairs, and several ordinary chairs around a table. Yuyuko sat at the
table, on which was stacked a pair of robes like Marisa’s.
I was so happy to have recovered Reimu, and myself, that I too late remembered I had died up
here. Marisa’s hands no longer covered my eyes, but it didn’t matter. My body was gone. I could
tell where it had been only by the rusty patch of dirt.
“Come over!” Yuyuko called to us, waving one arm above her head.
We three crossed the river, came over to the deck and stepped up onto it. Marisa took a seat
beside Yuyuko. I nodded to the robes on the table.
“Are those ours?” I said.
 “If you want them,” said Yuyuko. “Some ghosts prefer to appear naturally.”
“I’m an unnatural girl,” said Reimu. “Give me a bed sheet.”
That’s what they felt like. There was a hole for our heads to stick out, and two simple sleeves,
but little more. She and I both put one on, and it felt good to keep some things to myself. It felt
better to know I was wearing a thing that would have flattened me, had I put it on an hour ago.
“Please sit,” said Yuyuko. “We must speak, and we have little time to do it.”
Both Reimu and I sat, taking the other two chairs. I noticed something by Yuyuko’s feet. A
pair of swords sat on the wooden planks near her chair. One blade was longer than the other,
both in decorative sheaths.
“Those are Youmu’s weapons,” I said. “How is she?”
“Not well, but stable,” said Yuyuko. For the first time I had seen, she looked sad. “She’s in the
house, resting. Poor thing just finished crying her eyes out. She’s never been this upset. She feels
terrible over what happened.”
​ appen,” said Reimu. “There’s so much that doesn’t make
“I’d really like to know what ​did h
sense.”
“It will in time, dear. But for now, we’ll only cover the abbreviated version of events.” Yuyuko
looked up to the night sky, or the enormous blossoming cherry tree above us. The two were
nearly the same.
“Nighttime has fallen in Hakugyokuro,” said Yuyuko. “But in Gensokyo, it has been night for
several hours. Tomorrow morning, no sun will rise. There may be a little light in the afternoon,
but it will fade quickly, to an even longer night than the last. The mortal country is dying.”
“At least tell us how,” said Reimu. “And why.”
“As briefly as I may.” Yuyuko brought her gaze down to us, laid her hands on the table. “I have
a friend who lives in Gensokyo. She is to that country what I am to this. Her power over the
place is absolute, but she doesn’t know every detail about every life. She is ​youkai​, in two senses
of the word. One, she’s not human, and her life comes from Gensokyo’s natural energies. Two,
it’s appropriate to say she is the essence of​youkai i​ tself. She is the original, the first born from
her country. Her life began the same instant the Boundary came into existence. She and the
Boundary are one, which makes her very, very old. And equally powerful.”
“And who are we talking about?” I said.
“Her name is Yukari Yakumo,” said Yuyuko. “That might have always been her name, or she
might have changed it over time. So many human generations have passed in her lifespan. The
names of many goddesses may have belonged to her.”
“That name,” said Reimu. “In the old language, ​yukari c​ an mean the color violet. What does
she have to do with Gensokyo’s winter?”
Yuyuko smiled. “You’re an inquisitive one. Asking for what is just about to be given to you.
Here’s your answer. Several months ago, Yukari visited Hakugyokuro. She brought with her two
shikigami.​ That word refers to an old rite of binding between ​youkai s​ ervants and masters.
While the two servants spent time with me, Yukari took Youmu off into yonder wetlands.” She
waved her hand in that direction, past my head. “They spoke at length, and Yukari expressed
concern that I was too attached to the Saigyou Ayakashi. Oh, which is this thing.” She pointed to
the immense cherry tree over us. “Yukari told Youmu several lies, and more half-truths, and
convinced Youmu into stealing Gensokyo’s spring. Yukari claimed it was for my sake. If she
could bring her power here, and have Youmu convert it into such that could affect the
netherworld, then the Saigyou Ayakashi could be taken from me by force. A pleasant side effect
is the tree temporarily blooming, as you now see.”
“Makes senses,” said Marisa. “Spring energies, after alls.”
“Yes,” said Yuyuko. “But every drop of ​spring ​I have here is one that Gensokyo lacks. To help
Youmu in gathering ​spring​, Yukari made some accommodations. She gave Youmu a magical
artifact that allowed her to gather the energy. She enchanted one of Youmu’s swords with gap
power, allowing her to travel within the same dimension instantaneously.” Yuyuko held a hand
out to me. “Youmu used that power to kill poor Sakuya here.”
“If that’s so, I take it as a compliment,” I said. “I was enough of a threat that Youmu couldn’t
win with her own abilities.”
Yuyuko laughed. “I like that! A positive twist on being killed in battle.” Her smile faded as she
went on. “There was another thing Yukari did. She created a persistent portal that allowed
Youmu to travel between Gensokyo and here. Youmu used that portal countless times during the
intervening months. As you three have experienced, spring slowly disappeared from Gensokyo.
Youmu noticed this too, as her work progressed.”
“And Yukari must have known from the start,” said Reimu. “But why? Does she want freeze
her homeland to death?”
Yuyuko shook her head. “I don’t know. But let’s go back to that in a moment. When Youmu
noticed what she had done to Gensokyo, she sought out Yukari and demanded an explanation.
Yukari said that even she hadn’t expected winter to be prolonged, and that the only solution was
to continue as planned. There was too little ​spring ​in Hakugyokuro for Yukari to activate it,
motivate it, destroy the Ayakashi, and return the energy to Gensokyo.”
“Another lie,” said Reimu. “She just wanted Youmu to keep going.”
“It was false on multiple levels,” said Yuyuko. “Youmu agreed to keep gathering ​spring, ​but
only after putting an ultimatum to Yukari. Youmu wanted to know how much more ​spring s​ he
would need to gather before it could return to Gensokyo. Yukari gave her an estimate, which was
probably arbitrary, and sent Youmu on her way. Just today, Youmu fulfilled that estimate. As
you can see, Yukari did nothing to hurt the Ayakashi. She couldn’t even if she wanted to, since
the ​spring ​is no longer in her power. What’s worse, Yukari also sealed off the portal that allowed
Youmu access to Gensokyo. Usually, I’m also able to create portals between the two worlds. But
Yukari is resisting me from the other side.”
Yuyuko again glanced up to the massive cherry tree, that she called the Saigyou Ayakashi.
“The ​spring​ is trapped here,” she said. “Gensokyo is soon to freeze. And here we are, left with
a perfect cherry blossom.”

---

Reimu leaned forward, slapping her mostly material hands on the table. It sounded a ​smack
that brought our attention to her.
“So there’s nothing we can do?” she said.
“There is one thing, but it requires a sacrifice on my part,” said Yuyuko. “When Gensokyo’s
energy is brought here, and is changed into energy like that already in Hakugyokuro, then it
literally ceases to be mortal magic. In other words, Yukari has greatly lessened her power and
strengthened my own. Conceivably, I could use that to break Yukari’s defense, and send the
energy back to Gensokyo.”
“Then why not do that?” I said.
“Two reasons,” said Yuyuko. “First, for the energy to ​mean a ​ nything in Gensokyo, it must be
changed changed back into worldly power. Youmu did the opposite, using her unique
physiology, to feed the Ayakashi in the first place. But she did it a teaspoon at a time, over the
course of months. If we’re to help Gensokyo, then the ​spring ​needs to be sent back now, all at
once. If Youmu tried, it would vaporize her.”
“What’s the other reason?” I said.
Yuyuko pushed herself back from the table. She stood and floated over to the edge of the deck.
She looked up at the Ayakashi, hands folded behind her back.
“Second,” she said. “I would have to break the Ayakashi. Taking that much power from her so
quickly would destroy her.”
I stood, crossed the deck and stood beside her. “It must have some importance to you.”
Yuyuko nodded, but she didn’t look at me. “I recall none of my mortal life, you know. I’ve
been Hakugyokuro’s ruler for so long, I don’t remember what it’s like to wear a body. To have a
family, related to me by blood. To live in a village, surrounded by people who care for me. But
something remains in my heart. There was a tree, a lovely and simple cherry tree, that I visited
as a place of refuge. I took the love of it with me when I died, and here the Ayakashi was made. It
always made me feel at peace, contented to look upon it. But until Youmu began stealing
Gensokyo’s ​spring​, the tree never bloomed. Until now, I didn’t know why.”
“But now you do?” I said.
“I think so. A bare cherry tree was my own heart’s way of telling me that I didn’t ​need t​ he
cherry tree. If there are people who love me, and I can love myself, that’s more than enough.”
Yuyuko looked at me, and smiled. A sad smile. “Isn’t it ironic? The lie Yukari used to trick
Youmu is the actual truth of the matter.”
Reimu stood and came over by us. Marisa hopped of her chair and followed. The four of us
stood on the deck’s edge, looking up at the Ayakashi.
“Is that why you didn’t intervene?” said Reimu. “If you’re as powerful as this Yukari girl, you
could have done something before Gensokyo got this bad.”
“If you feel any anger toward me, I deserve every bit of it,” said Yuyuko. “I was tricked, too. All
that I’ve told you this evening, I learned after the fact. My original understanding was that
Yukari and Youmu were giving me a gift. Causing the Ayakashi to bloom, since it had never
bloomed before. When I learned that Gensokyo’s winter was lasting longer than it should, I also
accepted Yukari’s explanation, that even more power was needed in Hakugyokuro before it
could be sent back. No one told me of their intention to break the Ayakashi then.”
“So you could do that,” I said. “Release all the pent-up power in this tree. But that still doesn’t
solve the problem, because it’s ghost energy. Gensokyo can’t use it.”
Yuyuko nodded. “Just so.”
“Might have ideas about thats,” said Marisa.
The three of us turned to look at her. She had been silent for most of the conversation.
“And what would that be, dear little witch?” said Yuyuko.
 Marisa put her hands together, interlocking her fingers. “Don’t know much about weather
magics. Never really did elementalisms, but stole a lot of books from elementalist named
Patcheys. You said Youmus had an artifacts, and her sword was magicked ups, rights?”
“Yes.” Yuyuko nodded back to the table. “The sword is over there. President Strangebird is in
the house.”
“​That​ thing?” I said. “That wooden bird?”
“President Strangebird?” said Reimu.
Marisa went on. “Then got two things belongs to this Yukari Boundary girls. Now, know a
spells—”
I gasped. I saw where she was going.
“The cognation spell!” I said.
Marisa winked at me. “You got its. Might gets in touch with Yukaris or somethings. Couple
problems thoughs. For ones, not all totally myselfs.” She waved her hands down at her ghostly
body.
“If you knew how to use magic before, you can still do it now,” said Yuyuko. “Magic working is
a matter of the spirit. The mind and heart giving shape to natural energies. And as for those
energies.” She bobbed her head toward the Ayakashi. “We have quite a lot available. Though it’s
currently in netherworldly form, so it may work differently than the magic you’re used to.”
“What’s the second problem?” said Reimu.
“Well, be simple blunts, never used cognations between worlds befores,” said Marisa. “Don’t
knows if it’ll work from here to Gensokyos.”
“But it did work before!” I said. My hands clapped down onto Marisa’s shoulders. I was
excited. “Remember when you cast the spell in Reimu’s living room? On the cherry petal? I
caught the petal and passed out. Except I left my body for a short time, and I came here.”
“That’s true,” said Yuyuko. “I greeted her.”
“Reallies?” Marisa’s mouth widened into a smile. “It brought you heres because spring is
heres.”
A warm emotion bubbled up in me, something I had never expected to feel for Marisa.
Affection and admiration. I hugged her, pressing her head against my chest. I tousled her golden
hair.
“Marisa, you’re a genius.”
She giggled. “Just good breedings, is alls.”
Reimu came at us from the side, almost wedging between the two of us. She had one hand on
my shoulder, the other on Marisa’s shoulder. ​Hey now, break it up you two.​ It felt like Marisa’s
husband had come to town.
I couldn’t have that. I let go of Marisa, grabbed Reimu, and hugged her instead. Though it was
more of a grapple than a hug, the way she tensed against me. She didn’t hug me back.
“Do you want some, too?” I said.
“Um,” said Reimu. It was obvious she had never expected me to hug her, ever, in the entirety
​ ugged her, back in the pool.
of forever, plus a few days. The joke was on her, since I already ​had h
Though that might be considered more of a rescuer’s hold than a hug.
“Come on,” I said, squeezing her. “I’m feeling shunted.”
“I, uh. I wanted to ask Yuyuko something.”
 “Then ask her.”
“Will you let go of me first?”
“For now.” My arms fell off her. But I put my hand to her cheek and forced eye contact. “But I
want to do that again, later. I want to earn enough of your trust to be close to you.”
Yuyuko fluttered a hand over her breast. “Ah, young love. So very beautiful, so very
time-consuming. Please ask your question, Reimu, as I’m sure you would with or without my
prompting.”
Reimu opened her mouth to speak, but not before sharing an instant’s longer eye contact with
me. The message was clear. ​Trust takes time.​
That was fine with me. I was willing to wait. I let her face go, stepped back from her.
“So this is going to work?” said Reimu. “What happens when we contact Yukari?”
“I know what we can ​try ​to do,” said Yuyuko. “I don’t know how effective we’ll be. The
moment we open the cognative connection, I can release the Ayakashi’s power to Yukari. No
doubt it will surprise her, but magical laws of osmosis will force her to take it. Since there’s more
spring​ here than in Gensokyo, it will go back there if given a path. My hope is, by passing it
through Yukari, the energy will change back to worldly, and return Gensokyo’s spring.”
I was confused. “I thought only Youmu could do that.”
“Only she can do it both ways,” said Yuyuko. “And she was the natural choice for Yukari to
manipulate, because of how close Youmu is to me. Not only can Yukari change the magic to her
own, but she’s the only one who can. Any lesser being would be destroyed. And there’s
something else.”
We three ghosts looked at her. Waited out the dramatic pause.
“I promised you the chance of returning to Gensokyo,” she said, making eye contact with all
three of us in turn. “This might be that chance. Have any of you heard how spring is the season
most similar to human nature?”
“Someone told me,” I said. “I met Lily White on my way here. The spring spirit.”
Marisa looked at me, her mouth hung open. “You met an ​elementals​? So jealous of yous!”
I smiled. “She wasn’t all herself, if that’s any consolation. But she told me spring is most
human because it’s a time of birth, warmth, life and love.”
“That’s true,” said Yuyuko. “The other seasons share parts of human nature, but none so
much as spring. So I propose this. We have an abundance of ​spring ​energy here. We plan to
change it back into worldly power, that can affect Gensokyo. When I send the spring to Yukari, I
can bind each of you to the energy flow. Your spirits will naturally take for themselves the right
amount to create physical forms. You won’t be complete without trace amounts of the other
three seasons. Those three currently exist in Gensokyo in plenty, though winter is held
unnaturally active. If I send you all back to the mortal world, along with the ​spring​, your new
selves will gather whatever else you need from ambiance, and become whole.”
“So we’ll have bodies again?” said Reimu.
“Don’t knows.” Marisa scratched her head, which must have been a thoughtful habit, because
she couldn’t itch. “If bodies made from magic powers, we’d basically be ​youkai​, rights?”
“In one sense, but not another,” said Yuyuko. “​Youkai b ​ odies are born from magic, but so are
their spirits. Their hearts and minds are weaved from natural energy. I don’t know what
happens to them when they die. They might become part of Gensokyo again. They might remain
themselves and move on past the Sanzu River, and new energy appears to replace them. In any
case, you three wouldn’t be ​youkai.​ Your spirits will still have come from wherever they were
made, and will return there after they face judgment.” Yuyuko looked away, and she laughed at
herself. “My, this is ambitious of me!”
“Why?” I said.
​ nyone before,” she said. “It’s said that no being can die more
“I’ve never tried to ​resurrect a
than once, though that isn’t technically true. There was a man, thousands of years ago, who rose
from death. But his was a special case. It’s more accurate to say no one can go through any ​stage
of death more than once.”
“What does that mean to us?” I said.
“It means you can have bodies again. It means the new bodies might be better than the old
ones. You might stop aging, and live as long as the ​youkai​ around you. You might not age for
decades, and then become old women in a day. I’ve never done this, so I can’t predict what will
happen. Except for one important point. If you die, by injury or illness or any cause, your spirit
won’t return to Hakugyokuro. You’ve already been here. Instead, you’ll pass immediately to the
far side of the Sanzu River, and face judgment there. No matter if your death was painful or
sudden. You’ll have no time to rest before being judged. The act of being resurrected may count
against you, since it’s against a human’s ordinary nature. Is that acceptable to you?”
“It is to me,” I said. “You have a lovely country here, Yuyuko, but I love my mistress more. I’ll
risk the harshest judgment if I can be with her again.”
“It’s acceptable to me,” said Reimu. “I’m a pretty sorry miko if I can’t live clean enough to
explain myself at a moment’s notice.”
“Me toos,” said Marisa. “Can’t lives afraid of dyings.”
Yuyuko held out her arms, gathered all three of us into a hug. She was stronger than us all
together, and we were mashed into each other.
“I’m so glad to have met all of you,” she said, holding us tight. “But I think it’s time to send
you home. Let’s get ready.”
Chapter Fourteen

It was really Marisa who had to get ready. Only she knew how to use cognation, so the work
fell to her. We were lucky she wasn’t a mere template mage, one who could cast only the spells
made by others. She worked magic as a hobby and a trade. She could compose her own spells.
Even so, many factors worked against her. She explained to us, sitting at the deck table while
we stood around her. By that, I mean to say Reimu and I stood, while Yuyuko hovered three
inches off the deck.
“Gonna need a ​foci​ first offs,” said Marisa. “Left my ​Hakero ​back in Gensokyos, so I’ll make
up a spellcards.”
“I’m sorry,” I told her. “It’s my fault—”
Marisa smacked her hand on the table. “No more, maid girls! Sorry times are overs!”
Her voice wasn’t harsh, but concerned. ​Stop hurting yourself, Sakuya​.
I smiled, but it was weak. “All right. Go on.”
“Wells, needs a ​foci​, like I saids.” Marisa looked to Yuyuko. “Ghosty girls, got pen and papers
or somethings?”
Yuyuko nodded. “We have a calligraphy kit in the house. Youmu’s father gave her lessons in
drawing old language characters, before he passed away. I can fetch it for you.”
“Please doos.”
Yuyuko bowed to us, then floated off the deck and into the house.
 “Got more problems, thoughs,” said Marisa to Reimu and I. “Yuyukos was rights. Never
workeds with ghost magic befores. Even in Gensokyos, usually tested spells few times before
using it for reals. Magic does lots of go-everywheres, so need to work the bugs out.”
“How many times is a ​few​?” I said.
“Took eleven tries with Master Sparks,” said Marisa. “And that’s an easy spells. Big beams of
lights, kills everythings. Awesomely powerfuls, but really simples. Instruction set’s not very bigs.
Now with ​this ​things!” She waved her arm at the Ayakashi. “Spell’ll be complicateds. Got general
ideas, but no testings and no second chances. Ghost girls can only break the big tree onces.”
“So how do we know it’ll work?” I said.
Marisa leaned back in her chair and laughed. “Don’t know at alls!”
“That’s not funny!”
Reimu lightly back-slapped my arm. “Relax. This is how she is. She’ll make you worry up to
the last second, and then pull through marvelously.”
I said nothing. Reimu learning to trust me wasn’t the only relationship that hadn’t grown. I
had no faith that Marisa could do this right the first time. Especially when I had defeated her
spells myself. But what choice did I have? She was our only chance of going home. This was
another one of those ​trust by necessity ​moments.
It wasn’t the kind of trust I wanted.

---

Yuyuko came out of the house. She carried a tray with a paper pad, an inkwell, and several
brushes. Youmu came out with her, but didn’t come up onto the deck. She hung back, as if
ashamed to come near.
Yuyuko set the tray on the table. “Here you are. Best of luck.”
“Thanks, ghost girls,” said Marisa. “Got the artifact toos?”
“Youmu has it. She needs to prepare it first.” Yuyuko nodded to us. “I’ll leave you to your
work.” She went off the deck, floated away in the general direction of the Ayakashi. Which was
nearly all directions, from where we stood.
“Now thens,” said Marisa. “Got a predicament heres. Making spellcard’s always hards. Takes
lots of concentrations and peace and quiets. But shouldn’t be rude eithers, especially to Sakuyas.
Want to be friends with hers, in cases any big-bad Marisa-eating monsters needs death by a
thousand knives. So what’s good ways to say this—”
“You want us to leave you alone,” I said.
Marisa smiled, kicking her legs off the edge of her seat. “Kind of, yeahs.”
“You could have just ​said t​ hat,” said Reimu. “Friends don’t take stupid stuff like that
personally. But let me stay, at least. For moral support.” She sat across the table from Marisa.
“I’ll be totally silent. I won’t move an inch.”
“Okays, but do statue impressions. You too, maid girls?”
I shook my head. “I’ll go. Youmu wants to see me.”

---
 I didn’t know if that was true, but I had learned something in the last twelve hours. There’s
more than one way to want something. I experienced that personally. I wanted to become a
better person, but I was terrified of it. I had many apologies to give to many people. I had a
lifetime of work to do, making the world better because I had lived in it. It would be hard, and it
would hurt. But like setting a broken bone, it’s best to do a painful thing and be done with it. I
decided to begin right now.
I hopped off the deck, and I marveled at how little the ground stung my feet. It felt like I had
simply walked outdoors barefoot. I didn’t let the accomplishment go to my head. It was no virtue
of mine that I had become solid.
Youmu stood before the house’s front porch. The same spot I had seen her, before we fought
and she killed me. Now, in the evening light, I saw a new part of her. She was a being of flesh
and blood, but a ghost stood near her. The ghost looked like her, was dressed like her, and both
wore the same shamed expression. The moment I walked up to Youmu, both she and the ghost
knelt before me.
“My sincerest apologizes,” said Youmu, looking at my feet. “Never since my teacher’s death
have I acted so dishonorably. You may demand any satisfaction of me, and I will eagerly provide
it.”
“You don’t have to,” I said. “It was battle. People die in battle. If you hadn’t killed me, I would
have killed you. In a weird way, I’m grateful. You might have done me a lot of good. Speaking of
which.” I glanced back over my shoulder, looking to where my death had happened. “Do you
know where my body is?”
“Yes.” Youmu raised her head to face me. “My mistress secured it, and she gathered the
worldly things you brought to Hakugyokuro. She says the body will be given a grand burial,
where the Saigyou Ayakashi now stands, after the tree is destroyed. But you misunderstood me.
Killing you wasn’t dishonorable. You’re correct to say that death is unavoidable in war. But the
way I fought was reprehensible. My mistress told you how one of my swords is enchanted?”
“I know,” I said. “You beat me using a power that wasn’t yours. I honestly don’t care. Dead is
dead.”
Youmu shook her head, silver hair slicing around. “Nor do I care for your feelings on the
matter. Our standards may differ, but that doesn’t make me doubt my own. I failed as Konpaku.
My father and his fathers are ashamed of me. To regain their face, I must do what you ask of
me.”
This sounded familiar, though I was on the other side last time. I knelt down, folding my legs
up under myself, but I was still taller than Youmu.
“Then do this,” I said. “Love your mistress. Serve her faithfully. Do good wherever you can,
according to your own standards.”
Youmu pressed her palm into her eyes. Her face wrung in pain, desperately trying not to cry
again. Standing beside her, the ghost covered her face with her hands.
“Those things are already required of me,” she said. Her voice was thick and wet.
“Then do them ​more,​ ”​ ​I said. “Or if that’s not enough, then try this. Is there any help you can
give me so I can get back to Gensokyo?”
Youmu sniffed, wiped her eyes. “Yes. A small help. Please come with me.”
 She stood and headed off towards the Ayakashi’s closest root. The Youmu-looking ghost
followed close behind her. I got up and went after them. As we walked, Youmu brought out
something from her dress pocket. The wooden bird carving.
“That thing again,” I said. “That’s what you used to open the portal.”
“I used it as a token of authentication, so the Prismrivers would open the portal for me.”
Youmu held up the carving, gave me a good look at it. “This is the ​Ayashi Tori,​ President
Strangebird. It’s the artifact I used to gather Gensokyo’s spring. Yuyuko-sama tells me you need
it to go back.”
Yuyuko-​sama​? I had never heard a servant refer to her master that way.
“We do,” I said.
“Then let me ready it for you.”
We had come to the root. It was embedded in the earth beneath us, but also stood much taller
than both of us. Youmu held up the wooden bird with both hands. She took a deep breath, and
yelled.
“​Vote for Strangebird!​ ”
The bird came to life. Its legs popped out from under it, and it stood in Youmu’s hands. Its
head twisted back to preen its carved feathers. Youmu brought it down before her, cupped in her
palms.
“President,” she said. “I have a final task for you. Please fly up to the Saigyou Ayakashi, gather
your capacity of its energy, and return to me.”
The bird preened for a second longer, scratching at a tough spot under its wing. Then it
hopped out of Youmu’s hands and took flight. It flapped around us in a wide arc, and shot up to
the city of cherry blossoms that dominated the sky. I tried to follow it with my eyes. It was dark
out, and the bird was quickly out of my sight.
“How long will that take?” I said.
“Not long.”
I heard the bird’s return before I saw it. Its wings beat against Hakugyokuro’s silent night.
Youmu held our her hands, and the president landed in them. It folded its wings behind its back,
and went back to preening.
“Thank you,” said Youmu. “Rest now. One one, two two, one nine six three.”
The bird’s legs instantly folded, dropping its body into Youmu’s hands. The president was a
solid carving again. She held it out to me.
“Now your mage companion can use this,” she said.
I nodded. I took the bird from her, holding it in both hands as she had. It was warm to the
touch, and heavier than it looked.
“Thank you,” I said “Will you need it back?”
Youmu shook her head. “I never needed it in the first place. You’ll put it to better use than I
ever did.”

---
Marisa soon completed her spellcard. I stayed away from the table where she worked, letting
her and Reimu sit silently together. When Reimu waved me over, I first thought she wanted to
include me. I thought she wanted me to sit beside her and watch Marisa work. I stepped up onto
the deck.
“Marisa’s done,” said Reimu. “We’re ready to go.”
I had been wrong. I wasn’t as close to them as they were to each other. I probably never would
be. For an instant, I mourned. I wanted human friends. They helped me feel more like a regular
person. But as soon as the sadness came, it was gone. I might want to be friends with Reimu and
Marisa, but I didn’t ​need t​ o. I had my own family, and I could still be allies with these two
human girls.
“Yeps!” Marisa set down a dripping brush. If she had hands that could stain, they would be
covered in ink. She held up the spellcard. It was bigger than her usual ones, a full sheet of
calligraphic paper. It was the same otherwise, covered in loops and lines and crossbars I could
never hope to read. The old language is a mystery to me. Patchouli’s best efforts haven’t helped
much, but that’s not her fault.
“Gotta take positions nows,” said Marisa. She looked at me. “Got the magic thingies?”
I did. I had no pockets in my simple robe, so I held President Strangebird in my right hand. I
set the carving on the table.
“Goodies!” said Marisa. “Nows, because it’s ​mees​ doing magics, probably’ll explode a lots.
Let’s get away from ghost girl’s houses.”
“Where is Yuyuko, anyway?” I said.
“She and Youmu are climbing the Ayakashi,” said Reimu. She pointed to the tree. “You can’t
see them now. They’re behind where the root bulges up there.”
I looked to where she pointed, and saw she was right. I caught a glimpse of Yuyuko’s blue cap
peeking over the bark. They were at least fifty feet above us, and a few hundred yards away.
“They’re climbing it?” I said. “I hope we don’t have to wait for them. I want to go home.”
Marisa smiled. “Not going to the ​tops, ​maid girls. Yuyukos said, just hads to get near the
trunks. As for us, shoulds go to the hill over theres. Don’t want to blow ups any more houses in
my careers.”

---

Marisa led Reimu and I away from the house. She carried her spellcard, President
Strangebird, and the shorter of Youmu’s swords. The three of us climbed the hill and stood at its
peak. This was the spot where I had first stepped into Hakugyokuro, after climbing the ethereal
stairway. The orchard of cherry trees seemed to march out forever from here.
On the hilltop, Marisa set down the president. She laid the sword in front of it, so that the
beak and blade pointed the same direction. She stood over them both, spellcard in hand, then
turned to the Ayakashi and yelled.
“​Hey!​ ​ Ghost girls​!​ Ready yets?​ ​”
Yuyuko and Youmu looked like tiny ceramic figures, standing far away on the Ayakashi’s root.
“Ready when you are, my dear!” Yuyuko called back, waving both arms over her head. She
didn’t have to shout. The air carried her voice, so it sounded like she spoke from ten feet away.
“Okays.” Marisa patted a hand on her chest. “Heart’s all nervous. Got to times this just
rights.”
 “I hope you’re not going to ask for a strand of my hair,” I said.
Marisa laughed. “Not this times. Don’t even knows if we can pick hairs, how we are nows. But
you gotta hold Reimu’s hands.”
“What?” said Reimu. “Why?”
“’Cause want to see you two hold hands.”
I held out a hand to Reimu. “She’s the mage. We have to do what she says.”
Reimu ​hmph​ed, but she took my hand. It felt good in mine. Warm, assuring. Maybe not
friends, but allies. That was plenty for now.
“All righties. Let’s do its.” Marisa closed her eyes, held up the spellcard. She took a deep
breath, spoke the incantation.

Enchanted items, seek thy source

Guide souls and power to their own
To mightiest hearts, bring remorse
And take lost children home.

“Spring sign: ​Gensokyo Salvation!​ ”

The spellcard vanished, replaced with ashen paper. At our feet, the president and sword both
glowed in bright pink auras. The ground suddenly dropped away from my feet, and I floated a
few inches into the air. The same happened to Reimu and Marisa.
“Uh oh!” blurted out of me.
“This feels weird!” said Reimu.
We held out our hands to Marisa, and she took them both. The three of us hovered over the
hilltop, hands joined in a ring.
“Now, Yuyukos!” Marisa shouted.
Thunder ripped through the air, followed by a pink flash of light. I saw the hill quake beneath
us, jolting up and down. I was glad my feet no longer touched the ground.
“Look!” said Reimu. “The tree!”
We all looked, and I saw where the noise and light came from. The Saigyou Ayakashi was
splitting down the middle.​ More thunder burst out, shaking the very air we floated in. I realized
it wasn’t thunder, but the cracking of entire forests worth of ancient wood. From the giant
fissure in its trunk, the pink light shone out. Brighter than the sun, moon, and every star in the
sky all put together. It would have destroyed my eyes, had I physical eyes. My ghostly sight
simply couldn’t perceive it, and all became a painful pink glare.
I couldn’t see what happened to us, but I felt it. We were spinning through Hakugyokuro’s
airspace, rotating faster and faster. We were moving, flying somewhere as if we had been tossed.
The breaking Ayakashi deafened us. I gripped Reimu’s and Marisa’s hands. I held them as tight
as I could, and they held mine back. The spinning was trying to throw us apart.
“​Hang on​!” I screamed, but I couldn’t hear myself.
Another voice easily overcame the racket.
“You’re on your way, girls!” said Yuyuko. “Thank you for visiting! Remember, love each other
and yourselves! Here’s hoping I don’t see you for a lon...”
 As she spoke, her voice fell away, until it was gone. The noise faded too, until all was silence.
The pink light had disappeared. We tumbled together through a black and empty void. We held
each other. I gathered Reimu and Marisa into my arms and we flew through nothingness.
Don’t let go of me. Please hang on​.
This was it. This was the place I had traveled through, the first time I left Gensokyo. This was
a null place. A place that was not. Yuyuko had even given it a name, if I remembered. She called
it a ​gap​.
Something found us there.

---
Of course! The president and the sword! The two loose ends I didn’t tie.
A voice banged through the place that was no place. It pounded the three of us, threatened to
rip us apart from each other and ourselves. We held on all the more tightly.
She sends my own spring back to me! She knows I can’t resist it. She knows I can’t help
making it what I am, and thus returning it. How clever!
“Who are you!” I shouted into the blackness. My voice seemed to vanish as soon as it left me,
but I was noticed.
And she sends the three little lost humans back with it! Brilliant! Not only can they come
home, but they’ll have bodies as soon as they arrive. I underestimated Yuyuko. I should have
known better. Best make good of a backfire. Since you’re all here, let’s have a look at you.
An irresistible force smashed down on us, breaking the three of us apart. We reached for each
other, but were only separated further. We cried for each other, but fell further still.
Don’t make such a fuss, human girls. I’m not completely cruel. Shall we see who defied me?
The presence first focused on Reimu. Its sight drilled into her, and its mind knew her. It
judged her, and it laughed at her. She struggled to get away, but was powerless.
Would you look at this? It really is a small world, after all. You’re the shrine maiden. You’re
the one who stabbed Remilia Scarlet through the heart. You and your witch friend cleared the
sky mist. But does that mean...?
The attention left Reimu, leaving her to drift. It turned to Marisa, pinning her in the same
way.
It is you! You’re the mage! You gave Flandre Scarlet the knife in the back. I must say, this
seems far more than coincidence. You used a simple cognation spell to find me, didn’t you?
How careless of me. But wait. If you two are the notorious pair, then who’s this third human?​
The presence came to me. It grabbed me and and looked me over. It shined, purple and
yellow. Its light filled my mind.
What’s this? Third human, did I say? Look at you. You’re not human at all. But you’re not
youkai ​either. What are you? Might you be the one Chen was talking about?
Reimu and Marisa, now free of its hold, pushed their way back to me. They meant to wrench
me away from it. But it noticed them, and it swatted them away like bothersome bugs. They
went tumbling off into the void.
Not now, you two. I’m having a moment here. Why don’t you just go back to the witch’s
home? I have business with your friend.
 The presence made another motion, and then Reimu and Marisa were gone. I couldn’t feel
them, far or near. The attention turned back to me.
Now then. Where were we? Oh, yes. Not only are you neither y​ oukai ​nor human, but you’re
not even....
It looked at me more closely. Scrutinized my every detail. It knew more of me than I did.
This can’t be. You’re not even ​from ​Gensokyo? Not Hakugyokuro, either? Then where did
you come from? How did you get in?
“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” I yelled at it. “I’ve lived in Gensokyo my whole life!”
Don’t lie to me! You’ve spent ​nearly ​all your life here. But you came from... outside. How?
Tell me how!
It shook me, beating me against myself.
“​I don’t know!​ ”​ I​ screamed. “​Let me go!​ ”
The presence held itself back. Kept its composure.
I see. You don’t know yourself. But no matter. I won’t learn anything simply by breaking
you, but your witch friend isn’t the only one who knows cognation. Come to my house, will
you? As soon as I’ve completed current affairs, we’ll have a nice chat.
It swung me up, and it threw me down. I fell. Faster than anything had ever moved, I fell. I
saw Gensokyo below me, from the outside, as I had seen it once before. I dropped into it, from
the highest part of the sky. I could see where I was going to land. In the mountains. On a rock
outcropping that had been carved into a home. This was different from before. I was falling to
the opposite side of the valley from Reimu’s shrine.
I saw someone, lying flat on her back on top of the outcropping. She looked either asleep or
dead. Her eyes were closed and her face was pale. She was naked, but she was whole. Her hair
was silver like mine. Her figure was shaped like mine. She was tall, like I was.
My new body. In the instant before I landed, I had enough time for one thought.
It’s beautiful!​
I crashed into it, and I awoke.
Chapter Fifteen

I felt as newborn must feel right out of the womb. I was suddenly in control of a brand new
me. Thankfully, I had experience in using a body. I had lived in one my whole life. I knew how to
use my limbs and keep from soiling my swaddling cloths.
I gasped in, and my lungs crackled open. My hands bunched into fists, and I felt my nails dig
into my palms. I felt the hard, cold stone I lay on, and the chilly air around me. My bare skin
tightened into bumps. The hairs on my arms stood up. I opened my eyes, but saw only a gray
blur. Wouldn’t that be the hilarious end? To have a perfectly working body, all except for
blindness.
My sight slowly cleared, though I didn’t understand what I saw. It was dark, but not pitch
black. Early night or late evening. Above me was a tapered rock wall, like the face of a mountain.
It stretched up and disappeared into low-hanging clouds.
I remembered where I had fallen. The mountains. I was in Gensokyo. That meant, if
everything had gone right, the spring had returned. If I looked out over the valley, I might see a
​ loomed.
twilight vista of green, blue, red and pink as the ​sakura b
I had to see. I tried to sit up, but my body seemed heavier than I remembered. I had grown
too used to being a ghost. I tried again, put in more effort, and I sat up. My back ached to bend
for the first time. I looked around, slowly turning my head around on my neck. I saw only more
clouds off to my right.
“You’re finally awake.”
To my left, there stood a big woman. She was near the rock wall, where it met the stone
platform we were on. I blinked at her. Again, I didn’t understand what my eyes were telling me.
“You don’t know my kind,” she said, stepping towards me. She was huge. She was the first
woman I had ever seen who was taller than me. She wore a heavy robe, but dense muscles stood
out from under it. A two-pointed hat sat on her orange head of hair. Out the back of her robe
came many tails, each one heavy and thick with fur. Draped over one arm, she carried what
looked like a house frock.
“I am a ​kitsune,​ ” she said, her voice deep and gruff. “A grand fox ​youkai,​ if it matters to you.
My name is Ran Yakumo. Are you Sakuya Izayoi?”
I was stunned. I tried to speak, hoping my new mouth would work.
“Yes,” I said. My voice hadn’t changed.
“Then put this on.” She dropped the frock over my head. “I don’t wish to see you nude. It
unsettles me.”
The frock wasn’t new. It was stretched and threadbare, and it smelled of lilacs. But clothes are
clothes. I slid my head into it, pulled it down over myself. It was baggy, especially in the chest,
but it covered me down to my shins.
“I’m happy to see you awake,” said Ran. “You were dormant for so long, I was worried we had
a corpse on our roof.”
“Roof?” I said. I tried to stand, but I wasn’t used to having real legs. “Where are we?”
Ran helped me up. Her big hands wrapped around my arms, and could have snapped them
clean off. She pulled me to my feet. I kept my balance, but she stayed close in case I stumbled.
“You now stand on the viewing deck of House Yakumo,” she said. “It’s usually not this bare,
but my mistress insisted that it be cleared. For your arrival, no doubt.”
My arrival. I had come here from Hakugyokuro. So had Reimu and Marisa. My heart picked
up. Where were they? Were they safe?
I looked at Ran. “I was traveling with two girls. I don’t know—”
“They’re fine,” she said, folding her arms into her robe. “Or so my mistress instructed me to
tell you. The other two humans were deposited in the Forest of Magic, and bodies generated for
them as one did for you.” Ran nodded at me. “Quite the spectacle, I must say. I’ve never seen so
much magic in one place. It nearly killed my mistress, but nor have I ever seen her so energetic.
She’s out now, distributing the spring powerevenly over Gensokyo, so that no one location is
destroyed with the concentration of it. She is to return shortly.”
“So it came back?” I said. I turned away from Ran, walked to the far side of the stone deck. My
feet felt uneven at first, but I stayed standing.
“Don’t move quickly, until you learn how to breathe,” she said. “Stand still if you grow
lightheaded. The air is very thin up here.”
I stepped up to the edge of the deck, and looked off into what I guessed was Gensokyo. I saw
nothing. Only drifts of gray. I looked straight down, and saw more fuzzy gray below me.
“How high up are we?” I said. “Are we in the clouds?”
 Ran made a noise something like subtle laughter. ​Hmm hm hm​. “Not quite that high. You see
nothing because Gensokyo is covered in fog. It feels cool and clammy up here, but down in the
valley, it’s hot and muggy. When spring returned, all the snow vaporized at once. This is a good
thing, for the air was far too dry. The prolonged winter had crystallized all the water vapor. Now
the opposite occurs. The water rises into the air, and will soon condense higher in the
atmosphere. A mighty rainstorm is brewing. All the spring showers we’ve missed for the last
three months will soon come down with a vengeance.”
I heard all she said, and I loved every word of it. I couldn’t help smiling. My eyes watered. I
had done it! The spring was returned!
“But it’s all right,” I said, a tear rolling down my face. “Spring is back. Gensokyo is saved.”
Ran stepped up to my side, looking out at the fog bank.
“Gensokyo passes out of one danger, yes. But the original problem is unsolved. My mistress
still despairs.”
My mind rolled over loose thoughts. A few snapped into place.
“You’re Chen’s mistress, aren’t you?” I said. “And your mistress must be Yukari.”
She glanced at me. “You’re well informed. How do you know? Did you....” She sniffed at the
air, then she nodded. “I see. You’re the one Chen spoke of. The human who isn’t human.”
“She said so, but I don’t know what she meant.”
“I know you don’t. Neither do I, even though you stand before me.” She tilted her head at me.
“You seem oddly comfortable, you know. Most beings tremble in terror before me.”
I smiled at that. She was big and imposing, but I was used to living around frightening things.
She seemed like any other person, a friendly soul who stopped to chat in the village square.
“I would’ve feared you, any other day,” I said. “But I’ve lived through some strange things.
Tell me, why am I here?”
“So my mistress can see you.”
I shook my head. “I don’t want to wait for her. I want to see ​my ​mistress. I’ve been gone from
her too long.”
“I’m sorry,” said Ran. “You’re not allowed to leave. If you’re hungry, I’ll find you some food. If
you’re thirsty, I’ll fetch you something to drink. If you’re cold up here, I’ll gather some heavier
clothes. But my mistress ordered me to keep you here until she returns. By physical restraint, if
needed.”
I wasn’t cold, hungry or thirsty. I guessed my new body hadn’t yet learned how to need. After
a little dizziness and weakness, I felt surprisingly good. My muscles were strong. My bones were
solid. I wasn’t afraid of this monster fox woman. So much for being friendly. I stepped back from
her.
“You can’t restrain me,” I said.
“Not by my own strength, no. My mistress informed me of your abilities. You perfectly wield a
throwing knife. You can duplicate non-living objects. You can temporarily stop time, and move
while the world around you stands still. Those abilities are partly why my mistress wishes to see
you, but they won’t help you leave here. You have no weapons. You can run instantaneous circles
around me, but this house is accessible only by flight. Your only exit is to jump to your death.”
I backed away from the edge. I didn’t want to die. I had to see Remilia again. But Ran had
listed off my talents. Could I still do any of those things? Had my ​shift b​ een part of my body, or
my spirit? I could test it right now, and Ran wouldn’t notice. But I was afraid to. I didn’t want to
try, and find that I couldn’t.
“I wish you no harm,” she said. “Don’t attempt to escape, and we can have a pleasant
conversation while we wait for my mistress. If you have other questions, I’ll happily answer
them.”
“Then tell me this,” I said. “What happened to Chen?”
Ran was taken aback, as if she hadn’t expected me to care. “What ​happened ​to her? Depends
on what you mean. If you’re referring to the knife in her side, she recovered within an hour of
being stabbed. But she’s heartbroken. Human blood was spilled where she meant to start a
village. No ​youkai w​ ill agree to live there now. No more than if I dumped half a rotted cow
carcass in your bedroom.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” I said. And I was, for many reasons. “I know Mayohiga meant a lot to
her.”
Ran waved the idea off. “It was a childish fantasy. Pure in motive, but impractical in
execution. Most ​youkai a ​ ren’t tribal creatures, as humans are. Her choice of location was no
help. The mages would have chased the village away like an infestation.”
“But you helped her,” I said. “I saw the hill you moved there.”
“I wanted to support her, even though I knew the idea was a failure. I want Chen to make her
own mistakes. She’s suffering now, but she’ll grow from it.”
“That makes you a good parent.”
Another surprising thought for her. She smiled, and ​hmm hm hme​ d again.
“She is my ​shikigami,​ not my daughter. But I care for her the same way.”
“It shows,” I said. “Do all ​shikigami h ​ ave such good masters?”
“I would say—” she began, but didn’t finish. A new voice cried over her.
“Oh ​Raaaaaan​! I’m ​hooooome​!”

---

We both turned, looked off the edge of the stone deck. The voice had come from the clouds.
“I would say,” Ran muttered, “that’s a topic for another time.”
A silhouette appeared from behind the fog. It began as blurry, but quickly sharpened as it
approached. A woman floated in, holding up a big parasol as if it kept her aloft. She flew up to
the stone deck, stepped onto it. She folded up her parasol, then glanced between Ran and me, as
if expecting a warm welcome from us. I stood and stared at her. She was the most beautiful thing
I had ever seen.
This woman wore a long dress of royal purple. Her hat was a puffy cap, fronted with a huge
ornamental bow. Every place her clothing could have frills, there they were. Cuffs, pleats, ruffles,
silky fabric. Her hair was long and bright blonde, but soaking wet. She reached behind her back
and fanned her hair out over a gloved hand.
“My!” she said. “It is ​humid ​today, isn’t it?”
Ran bowed to her. “Welcome home, Yukari.”
“Thank you, Ran.” She looked at me, and smiled. “Have you kept our guest well entertained?”
Her violet eyes were so deep. I felt ready to drown in them.
 “We were speaking of trivial things,” said Ran. “May I ask, do you still plan to—”
Yukari cut her off.
“Do me a favor, Ran. Go find Chen. Give her a big hug and tell her how much you love her.
Take her for a walk through the spring rain. A long walk.”
“Mistress—”
She glanced at Ran, and her eyes flared bright indigo.
“​Please​,” she said. “Don’t embarrass me in front of the guest. I asked you to leave this place
for a while. Now go.”
Ran bowed again. When her head came up, her eyes met mine for half a second. She couldn’t
speak out, but her expression told me.
I can’t help you. I’m sorry​.
“As you wish, Mistress.” Ran turned and jumped off the deck. She vanished into the clouds.

---

Yukari looked to me again, and her smile returned.

“That’s better,” she said. “Just the two of us now. More intimate this way, yes?”
Much too intimate.
“What do you want with me?” I said.
She stepped closer, tapping the tip of her parasol on the stone deck. I stepped back, but if I
went too far, I would step into the sky.
“Simplicity itself,” she said. “I want to know where you came from.”
“I’ve lived in Gensokyo my whole life,” I said.
She closed her eyes and breathed, as if forcing herself to be patient.
“You shouldn’t speak about what you don’t know. If you’re a Gensokyo native, then who are
your father and mother?”
“My mistress raised me,” I said.
“But didn’t give birth to you. No woman in Gensokyo reared you. Have you ever seen another
human with your colors? Your pale skin? White hair? Blue eyes? You don’t belong to this
country.”
I ​had s​ een one other human with strange colors. Her name was Youmu Konpaku, but Yukari
already knew about her. Youmu didn’t belong to this country, or this dimension.
“I don’t know!” I said. “And I don’t care! Why does it matter to you?”
“You’re right,” said Yukari. “I should explain myself. You, of all people, deserve to know.
There are many things I can show you. Come down into the house with me.”
“Why should I?”
Again, her eyes flared. Tiny purple bonfires in the darkening night.
“Don’t misunderstand, Sakuya Izayoi. Servant of Remilia Scarlet of House Scarlet.” She
leaned toward me. “I’m not giving you a choice.”
She brought up her parasol and jabbed me in the chest with it. I staggered back, but I had no
room to stagger. My feet landed on open air, and I fell.
I didn’t fall off the deck. I didn’t fall into the open sky.
I fell into a showroom.
 ---

I landed partly on my butt, mostly on my back. The floor here was more cold stone. My fall
was softened by a flat, circular rug in the middle of the room. It still hurt. My new bones jostled
against their joints and sockets. It hurt in a worse way than giving me bruises. I had ​just gotten
this body. I didn’t want to abuse it like the last one.
I tried to sit up, found that it hurt too much, and laid on the rug for a moment. I looked
around me. I had fallen into a room as large as the deck Yukari and I were just standing on.
There were no windows or doors, but the room was lit from a fixture above me. A chandelier
hung off the ceiling, and it looked like it cost more than the whole Scarlet Mansion. Delicate
loops of golden metal hung with teardrop-shaped jewels. Four sparklamps were mounted in the
chandelier. Their light filtered and broke through the jewels, casting motes of rainbow color all
around the room.
I was reminded of Alice Margatroid’s front room. Shelves after shelves, upon shelves beneath
shelves. This room was like that, but with trinkets instead of dolls. I call them ​trinkets,​ but there
were no thumb-sized ceramic figures or tea sets. There was garbage. A lot of it. That’s how it
looked to me, though I didn’t know any of the items I saw.
Six feet away, a dark vertical cut opened in the air. Yukari Yakumo stepped out of it, and the
cut closed behind her. This was the ​gap.​ I now faced the woman who had given Youmu the
power to kill me.
“I apologize for such a rude introduction to my exhibitionary,” she said, stepping toward me.
Tapping the floor with the tip of her parasol. “But I could tell you wouldn’t come, even if asked
politely. Very stubborn of you. I don’t like stubbornness. It’s upsetting.”
I scooted back from her, off the rug and onto the cold stone floor. This woman was insane.
Any second, she could snap and splatter me. I had to play along. I had to buy myself some time,
think of a way out of this.
“What is this place?” I said.
She was pleased that I asked. She stopped approaching me, for the moment. She stood still
with both hands on the handle of her parasol.
“A fine question!” she said. “Very fine indeed. You now sit about fifteen feet below where you
were a minute ago. This is the room where I store the more interesting of the various and sundry
objects from beyond Gensokyo. As a young human who spends her days in this country’s
nonindustrial setting, you may well wonder what many of these things are.”
I didn’t. I wondered if I would leave this place alive. Besides, ​nonindustrial​?
“Allow me to show you a few items,” she said. “They’re hard earned on my part. Even after the
initial trouble of bringing them into Gensokyo, I spend time researching each of them. To learn
their purpose, you understand.”
She crossed the room to a big bookshelf, which was stacked completely full. Books of different
thickness and size took up every inch of its space. Many were stacked on top of it, looking ready
to slide off if Yukari glanced at them too strongly.
“My favorite things are books, of course. They contain that what I most crave of the outside
world. Information.” She took one heavy volume off the shelf, hefted it up while she flipped
through the pages. “You must have seen many of the books I brought in. They’re all over. These
here are the ones I’m currently reading. Once I’m done with a book, I release it to the valley. Let
it join Gensokyo’s informational economy. In fact, your own home houses the country’s largest
collection of books.”
“Yes,” I said. “A ​youkai e​ lementalist manages our library.”
Yukari slammed the big book shut. “​Your ​library, you say. Remilia Scarlet and Patchouli
Knowledge are no better than squatters. ​I​ brought that library here. Not to mention the mansion
on top of it. That was the single biggest thing I ever introduced to Gensokyo from the outside. At
great ​pain,​ I hope you realize. Let me give a demonstration before I continue.”
She slid the big book back into the shelf. She leaned her parasol against the wall beside it,
then stepped back to the center of the room. She stood under the chandelier, held both arms out
wide.
“Do stay back,” she said. “This process requires significant amounts of energy. I wouldn’t
want you harmed unnecessarily.”
I wished I could be sure of that. But I took her advice. I got to my feet and backed away from
her.
Yukari closed her eyes, lowered her head. The room darkened. As the ambient energy rushed
towards her, the sparklamps had less power to create light. The room was suddenly colder. I
could see my breath in white puffs. I folded my arms around myself.
A loud ​crack s​ ounded out, made worse by echoing off the stone walls. It left a ring in my ears.
The room warmed, the sparklamps brightened, and Yukari now held a new book in her right
hand. She couldn’t have held it in her left hand, since that arm hung off her body at a wrong
angle. A hideous bulge stuck off her upper-left back.
“So that’s what it was, this time?” said Yukari. “My left shoulder has just been dislocated.”
I put a hand over my mouth.
“Don’t be surprised,” she said. “I’m not. Some petty injury always occurs when I bring things
in. It’s my punishment, you see. For breaking the Boundary, even for a fraction of a second.”
Yukari dropped the book on the rug. She then smacked the heel of her right hand into her left
shoulder. I looked away at the last instant, but I heard the ​crrk ​of her shoulder popping back
into place.
“There.” She flexed the fingers of her left hand, as if to ensure it still worked. She bent over
and picked the book up off the rug. “I’ll be sore for a while. It wasn’t even a very big book. The
larger the object, the greater the injury. Imagine if I brought in an entire encyclopedia set. And
just ​picture h​ ow I looked after the Scarlet Mansion. It took me a whole month to recover from
that one.”
She held up the book she had just brought into Gensokyo, looked over the title under the
sparklamps. She ​hmphe​ d.
“Another book about the Internet,” she said, and tossed it aside. It skidded across the floor
and wedged under the bookshelf. “How boring. And quite disadvantageous for me. Books are no
longer the primary means of informational exchange the outside world uses. They have a vast
network that allows them to transmit ideas instantaneously. I’ve tried duplicating it here, but
unsuccessfully. It uses forms of magic unavailable in Gensokyo. This makes books precious to
me, as you can see. They are nonvolatile. They require only an understanding of language, no
extra technology or equipment. ”
She went to the opposite side of the room from where the bookshelf stood. From atop a brass
stand, she picked up what looked to me like a paperweight. A small, flat metal object.
“Equipment of this nature,” she said. “This is an ​em pee three​ player, so I’ve read. Though I
don’t know what an em pee three is, or why you’d want to play with one. It hasn’t functioned
since I brought it. Or how about this?”
She set the paperweight down, went to another shelf. She picked up a hollow glass tube with a
needle sticking out of one end. She held it up for me to see.
“This is a ​syringe.​ The physicians of the outside world use them to draw blood from the sick.
Now you must be thinking, what a strange way to heal people. Surely an ethical practitioner
would want to keep blood ​in h ​ is patients. But this device is used to take blood safely, in
measured amounts. The blood can then be examined, to determine the cause of illness. They call
the operation a ​biopsy.​ ”
She set the glass tube aside. On the floor nearby lay a wooden club. She picked this up, held it
in both hands as if to swing it at me.
“What do you think when you see this thing? Surely, it must be a primitive weapon. But look
how finely it was manufactured.” She traced one finger along the club’s length. “So smooth. So
precisely cut. How could something made with such care be intended for a knuckle-dragging
human to smash his dinner over the head? Simply put, it wasn’t. This isn’t a weapon at all. It’s a
recreational item, called a ​baseball bat​. The outside people use them to hit things, but not ​at
people. Isn’t that strange?”
I said nothing.
“Doesn’t impress you?” She dropped the club on the floor, wood clattering to the stone. Then
she held up a finger. “I know. There’s something a young female like yourself would find much
more intriguing.”
From another shelf, she picked up a small square of crinkly material. A perfect ring stuck out
from inside it.
“This is called a ​condom,​ ” she said, holding it up for me to see. “The outsiders use it as a form
of contraception. Brutally simple. The man wears it when he enters the woman, so he doesn’t
impregnate her. Any piece of literature mentioning condoms also stresses that they are effective
at preventing disease. This makes little sense, as I’ve never seen a man or woman catch a cold
from mating.” She smiled. “But then again, pregnancy is a disease all it’s own, isn’t it?”
My face was bright red. I could feel it. “I wouldn’t know.”
“No? Then I misjudged you. You’re a chaste and restrained young lady.” She flicked the
crinkly square away. It disappeared into a shelf. “In that case, I have something else. Something
that seems incredibly popular with outside women.” She looked around the shelves, and found
what she sought. “Ah! Here we are.”
She held up another small, metallic object. This one was bigger than the paperweight, and it
had moving parts. Yukari showed me how it folded and unfolded.
“This is a communications device.” She put it to the side of her face, but against her ear.
“People speak into it like this, and other people can hear them from far away. These are to
outside women what proper hats are to Gensokyo women. They would never be seen outdoors
without one on their head. They’re popular the world over, in the many countries outside. It’s a
cell phone​, in the current language. In the old language, it’s​ ketai denwa​.”
She stepped towards me, repeatedly folding and unfolding the thing in her hands. It made a
soft ​click ​each time.
“But this proposes a fallacy, doesn’t it?” she said. “How can this item have an old language
name, since such things didn’t exist in Gensokyo when the old language was used? There’s an
explanation, though you may not believe it. The old language isn’t really ​old a ​ t all, in the sense of
being disused or archaic. Both old and current languages are in active use beyond the Boundary.
In old speak, they’re called ​Eigo a ​ nd ​Nippongo. I​ n modern speak, they’re ​English a​ nd
Japanese.”​
She stood close now. Much closer than I wanted her. I looked at anything but her eyes. The
floor. Her dress. Her well-endowed bosom. Anything but her eyes.
“Why are you telling me all this?” I said.
“Because, young one. I want you to understand why I brought you.” She turned and threw the
cell phone​. It hit the far wall with such force that it shattered at the hinge, breaking in two.
Please don’t let me be next​.
“It’s very frustrating,” she said, making a fist of the hand that has just thrown the thing. “I
possess all these items, many of which are considered valuable in the outside world. But what
are they worth to me? Nothing. So I gather books instead. What are ​they w ​ orth to me? Little
more than nothing. I can learn everything of the outside world, but I can’t ​go ​there. Inanimate
objects I can bring in, or push out, at the cost of hurting myself. A bloody nose. A lump on the
breast. Loosened teeth. A boil on my thigh. If I want bigger things, a broken rib or three. A
fracture in my skull. A missing patch of skin on my back. Maybe my hair falls out. ​All ​my hair,
mind you, and doesn’t begin to regrow for six days.”
She slowly turned back to me, purple eyes blazing.
“Living things are simply out of the question,” she said. “I’ve sent both humans and ​youkai
out of the Boundary, to act as my scouts. Every single one of them died. I’ve tried to bring people
in from the outside, to tell me about their world. All I ever retrieved was a flopping corpse.
Useless to me, since dead men tell no tales. The Boundary allows nonliving objects to pass, with
difficulty. But to live things, the Boundary is an absolute barrier. It cannot be passed. Except....”
She took one step forward, and I tried to take another back. But I had run out of room. My
back bumped into the wall.
“Except for you,” she said. “You’re the first Gensokyo human I’ve seen who didn’t originate
here. Where did you come from?”
“I don’t know,” I said, pressing my back flat up against the wall.
“I ​know y​ ou don’t. It was a rhetorical question. That’s what we’re here to find out. It’s a
shame your original body was ruined. If I use cognation to find your origin, I’ll need all the
material I can get. You likely came from very far away, and magical capacity principles allow
only so much power pumped through a thing before it breaks into its composite elements.”
“You can have my old body, if you want it,” I said. “Yuyuko probably hasn’t buried it yet.”
Yukari shook her head, but kept her eyes on me. “It wouldn’t do me any good now. Without
the spirit in it, the body will cognate only to itself. If you hadn’t been killed, we could have used
the body as a buffer from the worse shock of the spell. Your current ​youkai-s​ tyle body is no good
to me either. It came from Gensokyo, and thus works against this purpose. But your spirit
remains. That, I might be able to use.”
“But you need my cooperation.”
She nodded. “You understand. If your spirit is the sole guide for the spell, your heart and
mind need to share my desire. We both must want to know where you came from.”
“What if I ​don’t​ want to know? What if I’m happy living as my mistress’s maid?”
“Then I’ll have to kill you.” She said it as if mentioning the correct way to dice tomatoes for a
salad. “It’s not personal. I have no ill will towards you. But I have lived many, ​many ​times your
age, trapped in this country. Imprisoned within the Boundary. This country is beautiful, but
after living here for millennia, it bores me to tears. I want ​out, ​little girl. A short human life is
nothing compared to what I’ve endured.”
I was trying not to shake. Trying not to show my fear.
“Is that why?” I said, and I swallowed. “Why you tricked Youmu into stealing ​spring?​ ”
“Yes,” she said. “It was the only way. Humans have the luxury of frail bodies. If life becomes
more than they can bear, suicide is possible. They can escape. I can’t. I’m immortal. I don’t age.
I’m immune to illness. I recover from any injury. The Boundary and I share a life. So long as it
lives, so do I. If it’s injured, then so am I. If it ​dies​, then so do I. And what keeps the Boundary
going? What fuels it? The magic of Gensokyo itself. So if that magic were removed, the Boundary
would fail.”
“And so would you,” I said. “But you kill everyone in the country.”
“Only at first. With the Boundary gone, Gensokyo would rejoin the outside world. The endless
winter would fade, in favor of whatever season is going out there. All our magicians would
suddenly be jobless, but too bad for them. This land would be liberated. I wouldn’t live to see it,
but I hardly care. At least I would be free.”
I shook my head. “I don’t want to help you.”
“You’re being stubborn again. I ​told y​ ou how that bothers me. But as you wish. Death it is. If I
act quickly, I’ll catch you before you reach the Sanzu River. Then our negotiations will be
differently balanced.”
She shoved her hand into my chest, knocking me back into the wall. Except I fell ​through ​the
wall, through another gap, and stumbled backwards onto the viewing deck. Spikes of coldness
stung me from above. I was near instantly wet, my bangs sticking to my forehead.
The rain had begun.
Chapter Sixteen

Yakumo’s house roof was still buried in cloud, but I suspected the storm had a low ceiling.
Only a hundred feet down, the valley would be clear. Wet and dark, but not fogged over.
A flash of lightning colored the deck white-blue. A second later, thunder rolled in from across
the valley. The stone floor shuddered under my feet.
The gap Yukari had pushed me through was still open, like a window peeking into her
showroom below. She stepped through the gap, and it closed behind her. Rain hammered us
both in waving sheets. She was wet as quickly as I was. Her dress was soon plastered to her,
showing a perfect body that would drive human men mad. She stepped closer to me. I stepped
back. I didn’t have anywhere to go.
“Please reconsider,” she said. “Don’t you want to know where you came from? Why you look
so different from other Gensokyo women?”
“No! I don’t care!” The rain had already drenched my face. I sprayed water when I yelled at
her.
“But why? Aren’t you even the least bit curious?”
“Not even the least bit!” I said. “I’m happy with my life in Gensokyo. And I’m not going to
help a woman who threatens to kill me if I don’t!”
“Oh, don’t mistake me. You would have died either way.” She stepped forward again.
“Cooperating simply would have made the process less painful. But it shouldn’t matter. You
humans have such strong survival instincts, when you hardly live long enough to mean anything.
If you help me, your death might actually be worth something. You could free a prisoner, and a
country.”
“It matters to me!” I took another step back. “You can stay trapped for all I care!”
“Then you leave me no alternative. I’ll see you again soon.”
She took one more step forward, and I could go back no farther. My heels were at the edge.
She shoved me in the chest again. I stumbled back, thrashing, trying to grab anything.
No.

---

I fell. The stone deck rapidly rose above me. I saw Yukari looking down on me for an instant
before the clouds came between us. Her face was sad.
No! I don’t want to die! Not again!
Wind ripped at me, threatening to tear my frock off. My hair flew everywhere. I tried to
breathe, but the air blew past me so fast that I couldn’t draw any in. I dropped out of the clouds,
and I saw Gensokyo below me. I didn’t get a good look at it. I spinning and tumbling, unable to
control my movement as I fell. The ground and sky did flips around me. The ground was closer
each time I saw it.
I caught glimpses. I saw the human villages, no longer buried under snow. They were warm
spots of light against the black landscape. A bolt of lightning flashed, and the lake reflected it. I
saw the island poking out into the water. I saw the bright spark that was the Scarlet Mansion.
I want to go home! I want to see Remilia!​
In the corner of my eye, I saw another flash. But this was no bolt of lighting. It was a streak of
color, pink and blue.
“​I’m coming, Sakuya!​ ”

---
I landed, mostly on my side. My body bent around the thing I had fallen on, and a​ ​“​Gaaah!​ ”
burst from my mouth on impact. But I hadn’t hit the ground.​ T ​ hat was still far below.
This thing gave under me, falling further when I smacked into it, so that my weight didn’t
crush me. Then it lifted up, and I was no longer falling. I heard the ​whump whump o ​ f huge
wings beating.
“Are you all right, dear?” said a familiar voice. “I hope you didn’t land on anything breakable.”
I tried to stand or sit up, anything that would help me understand what had just happened. I
was belly-down on something big and soft. Something bright, pink and blue.
“Do you like my construct? I hope it’s good. This is the first time I’ve worked magic in the
mortal realm.”
I looked to the voice. I saw Yuyuko sitting astraddle the thing we were on, as if she was riding
a horse. But this was no horse. Horses don’t fly.
Whump whump,​ the wings beat.
 We were on the back of a gigantic, glowing butterfly. It looked hollow, as if it had been spun
from wire or thread. Its wings had a wider span than many houses, and were decorated like an
Oriental fan. On the left wing stood out the distinctive image of a two-wheeled wagon.
“Do you like it?” said Yuyuko, half her body turned to face me. “I’m going to keep it as a pet.
I’ve named it ​Sumizome​.”
I crawled up the butterfly’s body and straddled its head behind Yuyuko. I wrapped my arms
around her waist, held her tight.
“Yes,” I said. “I like it a lot.”
“Thank you.” She smiled. “I suppose it’s time we get you home. Shall I drop you off at the
Scarlet Mansion?”
“Yes,” I said, but a better thought came to me. “No! Not yet. I want to go to the Forest of
Magic. Marisa’s house. I want to make sure they’re all right.”
Yuyuko nodded. “As you wish, but you’ll have to walk home. I must come back to see Yukari
as soon as I let you off. She and I need to have a talk. A very long talk.”
She grabbed the butterfly’s antennae, which seemed to stain her hands with pink and blue
light. Yuyuko pulled the antennae to the side. The butterfly’s head turned to follow, and the rest
of it went along. Our backs turned to the mountains, and we flew deeper into the valley. The rain
fell hard, biting into my eyes and splashing off the butterfly’s wings. I wasn’t cold. This was a
warm, spring rain.
It was amazing, seeing Gensokyo from this high up. While still in a body, that is. The dots of
light that were the villages. The great expanses of land, laid below us in bulbous curves. The
different colors of grass, ground, rock, woodland and water all became a smooth patchwork. It
all seemed so small from up here. I’ll never forget the view so long as I live.
But that served to remind me how high up we were. I clamped my knees on either side of the
butterfly’s head, and squeezed my arms right around Yuyuko’s middle. Then I realized
something. Yuyuko had a middle for me to squeeze. I could feel her back against my chest.
Beneath the silky cloth of her robe, her ribs stood against the undersides of my arms. She was
solid.
“Wait,” I said. “You’re supposed to be a ghost. How are you here?”
She glanced back, still smiling. “Do you think Yukari can enter my realm when I can’t enter
hers?​ ​It’s only that my power is limited here. But Youmu assisted with that quite ably.” She
winked at me. “She was wrong to say she’d never have another use for President Strangebird.
After the return of spring, there was plenty of power to construct Sumizome here.” She patted
the butterfly’s head, between her legs. “I also took the liberty of making a ​youkai b ​ ody for
myself. I quite like it. Forgive me for giving into vanity, but I think look very pretty.”
“You do,” I said. “You look just did like you did as a ghost. You’re even wearing clothes. Did
the magic form those too?”
“Especially those, dear. My ​kimono ​and cap​ ​are part of my appearance, and my appearance is
part of me. Though perhaps I took too long with the details. Another few seconds, and you’d
already be on the far side of the Sanzu River.”
“I know. Thank you so much. You saved my life.” I smiled, despite myself. “Twice. Maybe even
three times.”
 “Oh, don’t thank me. This is my job. I love it more than anything.” She pointed down. “That’s
the Forest of Magic, isn’t it?”
“I think so,” I said, though I had never looked at the Forest from above. I guessed it was, by
the orange lights dotted here and there, showing where the mages lived.
“If so, then I know which one is Marisa’s house,” said Yuyuko. “I can spot her from a mile
away. She’s such a bright soul.”
I nodded. “Yes, she is.”

---

We flew on, the valley slowly scrolling by below us. Sumizome’s wings kept cutting their
whump whump whump ​out of the sky. The rain pounded us, that didn’t stop Yuyuko. She
smiled the whole way. I think she enjoyed the feel of it.
As we approached the Forest of Magic, we gradually lost altitude. The Forest looked less like a
group of toy trees and more like a forest. The tops of the highest branches were soon close
enough that I could have kicked them as we passed.
“Sumizome can’t fly into the woods,” said Yuyuko. “I’ll have to set you just outside. Can you
see Marisa’s house from here?”
“Yes,” I said. “I’ll be fine on foot.”
Sumizome landed. Its six spindly legs touched down and held up its body. Had it been a real
butterfly, its weight would be too much for its legs to support. It wings would have stirred dust
up into the air, but the earth was wet. I hopped off the butterfly’s back, and promptly fell to my
knees. It felt so good to be on solid ground.
“Are you all right, dear?” said Yuyuko, leaning off Sumizome’s back.
“I’m great,” I said. “Wonderful. Happy to be home.”
“You’re a long way from ​home, I​ ’m sorry to say. The Scarlet Mansion is a day’s walk away. Are
you sure you’ll be fine?”
“I’m sure.” I swiped my wet hair out of my eyes. “Before you go, let me ask you something.
What did you need to talk to Yukari about?”
“Many things,” said Yuyuko. “But mostly, I need to remind her of love. I hope Ran and Chen
will have returned by the time I get there. They might be the only way to break her despair.”
“I can understand why she feels this way,” I said. “If I were trapped in Gensokyo forever, I’d
go crazy too.”
“But we’re always ​trapped, S ​ akuya. Whether you live in Gensokyo, the outside world, on some
other planet, or another dimension. We’re never free from love, or the need of it. It doesn’t
matter where you are. Love can always happen, and growth can happen with it. I hope to help
Yukari remember that, and to have her ​shikigami h ​ elp me.”
“You think you’ll succeed?”
“I must,” she said. “For I make a promise to you. I swear that Yukari will never again
deliberately harm Gensokyo or any life in it. And I never break my promises.”
“I trust you.” I pushed myself back up to my feet. Again, I had to brush wet hair off my face. “I
guess this is goodbye, then. I’ll probably never see you again.”
 “You may yet,” said Yuyuko. “It’s possible that things from outside Gensokyo threaten it. If
those threats aim to do us harm, we must act against them. All of us. You and I. Remilia and
Youmu. Yukari and Ran. Reimu, Marisa, their friend Alice, and anyone else who will stand.”
“Threats?” I said. “What kind of threats?”
“For another time, child.” She took hold of Sumizome’s antennae. “For now, seek your
friends. Rest. And above all else, love. Never, ever forget to love.”
The butterfly’s wings beat, ​whump whump, ​blowing wet rainy wind against me. Sumizome
lifted off the ground, turned, and gently rose into the night. I stood and watched it fly away, until
it was a pink-blue speck against the rainclouds.

Epilogue

I realized the flaw in my plan, asking Yuyuko to drop me off at the Forest of Magic. I was still
naked, except for the ragged frock Ran had given me. I had no shoes. I had to walk into the
woods barefoot.
It wasn’t so bad. I just had to watch where I stepped. That struck me as odd, after I had gone
about halfway to Marisa’s house. I shouldn’t be able to see anything under the trees, in the black
of night, during a drenching rainstorm. But I could see, as if the full moon were out. Were these
eyes better than my old ones?
I followed the orange light that I had seen from above, and I eventually walked up to House
Kirisame. If house it could be called. It looked more like an abandoned shack. The place was
small and dirty, vines crawling up the walls. But there was a light in the window. I went up to the
door and knocked.
“​Comings​!” came the call from inside.
I heard crashing noises. Stumbling, fumbling, breaking things. One cry of, “You stepped on
my foot!”
 The door flew open, and there stood a golden-haired heartbreaker. I didn’t remember Marisa
looking so pretty. She wore some casual homey clothes, a loose blouse and dress. She still had no
chest, and little womanly curve, but she was adorable for all that. Like someone’s daughter or
little sister.
She was so cute, I couldn’t help myself from hugging her tight and kissing her on the cheek.
“Sakuyas!” She hugged me back, and immediately began crying. “So worried about yous!”
“Me too.” I squeezed her tighter. “I’m very, very happy to see you safe.” Then I pulled back to
get a look at her. “You look good! What happened to you?”
“Same things happened to yous,” she said. Her eyes glistened with tears. Then she poked my
chest, and she laughed. “Your boobs got a little biggers!”
I covered my breasts with my arm. “Don’t! I’m not armored against groping. Is Reimu here?”
“She is, and you’d see her if you stop hogging Marisa all to your self.”
I looked up, saw Reimu standing a foot or two in the door. She was more beautiful than I had
last seen. She wore the same kind of clothing, probably taken from Marisa’s closet, judging by
how tightly it fit her. Reimu’s hair was a rich mane of black. Her eyes were deep and dark,
alluring. And it looked like I wasn’t the only one who had filled out.
I let Marisa go, and she stepped aside so I could get at Reimu. I hugged her, and she hugged
me back, arms clamped around my neck.
“You made me worry!” Reimu moaned into my shoulder. “Don’t do that again. I don’t like to
worry.”
“It’s all right now.” I patted her back. “Someone trustworthy told me everything’s been taken
care of.”
“Who?” said Reimu. “What? How? Tell us what happened to you.”
“I will, but I ask a favor in return.” I pulled back from Reimu, so she could see me. “I need
some clothes.”
Marisa laughed again. “You thinks I have anything that fits ​yous, m ​ iss busty maid girls? But
let’s take a looks. Maybe gots a table cloths or somethings.”

---
We found a pair short-legged pants that I could barely squeeze into, and a shirt that
functioned more like a bra on me. Marisa also dug out some old, worn-out, mud-caked boots.
They were stretched from use, and therefore just big enough for my feet. I wore the house frock
over all this. It wasn’t the fashion, but it would get me back to the Scarlet Mansion.
Now that I was sure Reimu and Marisa were safe, I was eager to head home. But a promise is
a promise. I told them what had happened to me. They sat silent, listening to every word.
“It’s over,” said Reimu, once I had finished. “Spring is returned, and Yuyuko’s going to deal
with Yukari.”
“So we can live lives agains?” said Marisa.
“We’d better.” I said. “When this rain clears, Gensokyo is going to reopen for business. I think
all three of us have a lot of shopping to do.”
We did. Marisa had no food in the house. It was a good thing none of us were hungry. The
need for food felt prolonged for our new bodies, but I would eat again before too long. I could
already feel thirst creeping up on me. I took a long drink from Marisa’s water pump, more than I
felt like I needed.
Then it was time to leave. The girls wanted me to stay.
“The weather’s ridiculous for traveling!” said Reimu. “You’ll get washed away out there.”
“It’s warm rain,” I said. “I’ll be fine.”
“But its darks,” said Marisa. “Sleep heres. Can’t walk all the way homes in the middle of
nights.”
“I think I can,” I said. “My eyes don’t mind the dark. I don’t know it’ll last, but I can see out
there just fine. I bet you two can as well.”
They said nothing, which meant I was right. We had all changed. They gave no more coaxing.
They could tell I wanted to go, so they let me. Marisa followed me on my way out the door.
“Waits!” she said. “Hold up a seconds. Got a parting gifts.”
I stopped, turned back to her. She held her hands out to me, her fingers carefully pinched on
the tips of two throwing knives. Their rounded bases were etched with my initials.
“My knives!” I said. “Where did those come from?”
“Used them to find yous,” said Marisa. “Cognation spells. One, you threw past Reimu’s head
when you saids hated hers. That ones led me to another in the woods.”
The one I had thrown to knock Chen’s hat out of the tree. Then those two knives led Marisa to
the ones I carried in my pocket, which brought her to the clearing where I killed her. I was glad
to hear the knives hadn’t come out of their dead bodies.
“So that’s how you found me,” I said. “You and your magic. But why didn’t you show up until
morning?”
“Reimus didn’t want toos,” said Marisa. “Was so angry at yous thens, said she’d rathers you
freeze than go find yous. She felt bad by mornings, thoughs.”
I looked at the knives she held out to me. Part of me wanted them. More of me was disgusted
by them.
“Your bodies,” I said. “What happened to them?”
“Got a super-nice friends who lives in the woods. Alice’s her names. Ever tell you about hers?”
I nodded. “You did.”
“Seems when we were gones, she buried us. Did nice job toos, gave us little wood headstones
and everythings.” She smiled. “Gonna be ​pretty s​ urprised when me and Reimus go see her
tomorrows. You should come with us.”
Alice had buried the bodies, just like I asked. No doubt she would add that to Remilia’s bill.
I shook my head. “Thanks, but I’ll see her soon enough. My mistress probably owes her ten
years of indentured service by now.”
“Take these things, at leasts,” said Marisa, offering the knives. “They’re yours, anyways.”
“I don’t know if I want to.”
Marisa waited. She knew the choice I was making. I reached out, touched the silvery metal
with one finger. It felt good, familiar, but also dangerous. A powerful thing that can be used for
good, or for evil. Like fire. Like magic.
Like me.
I took the knives. My frock had one pocket over the belly, and there I stowed them.
Marisa smiled. “You okay nows?”
 “Yes,” I said. “Come visit the Scarlet Mansion sometime.”
“We wills.”
I bowed my head to her, then turned and walked off. Marisa’s house was swallowed in the
night behind me. As I went, something occurred to me. Marisa hadn’t offered me the knives
until after I was out the door.
Trust in time.

---
I had a long walk before me, but I wasn’t tired. I ​needed​ to walk. I could go until after sunrise
without taking a break. If I made good time, I might arrive home by tomorrow morning.
The rain showed no sign of letting up. The beaten paths were flooded, and walking on them
would churn them into mud. I followed the roads, but walked on the grass along side them. I
made good progress.
I was so wet. I felt more like I was swimming than walking. Bucket after bucket of water
dumped on me. I trudged on. It was easier than marching through snow. At least the rain was
warm.
Hours past, and I heard the sound of water pattering into water. I had come to the lake.
Raindrops hit the surface, making a million little rings that all bounced into each other. It was
hypnotizing and lovely. I looked off across the lake, hoping to see the island upon which the
Scarlet Mansion stood. But it was still dark, and visibility was poor. My eyes were better than
before, but they weren’t that good.
The trip was easy. I knew where I was going. I circumnavigated the lake, sticking near the
path that ringed around it. The clouds slowly lightened from black to gray. Morning was near. In
another day or two, the clouds would break, and I would see the sun again. I couldn’t wait.
I walked halfway around the lake, and came to the short land bridge that led to the island. I
stood for a moment, taking it in. The Scarlet Mansion lay before me.
I was home.

---

“Halt!” shouted Hong Meiling when I approached the door. The rain didn’t bother her. Her
clothes were drenched to her obscenely beautiful body, and her hair was matted flat to her back.
“Hello, China,” I said. “Nice weather we’re having.”
She cocked her head at me, confused. “What is this? A poorly-dressed, Sakuya-impersonating
youkai ​has appeared! I must resolve this through incredibly prejudicial application of lethal
force!”
She dashed at me. She would have taken me to pieces, except that I ​shifted b ​ ehind her and
wrapped my arms around her head in a wrestling hold. If I twisted hard enough, I could snap
her neck. She halted, gasping in surprise, and her hands gripped on my arms.
“Now China,” I said, breathing into her ear. “I don’t want to hurt you, if I can help it. Be a
good door guard, welcome me home, and open the door for me.”
“Welcome home, Sakuya,” she said. “Thank you for not breaking me this time.”
 I squeezed her tighter, but affectionately. Like showing the disobedient family pet that I still
loved her, rambunctious though she may be.
“The pleasure’s all mine,” I said. “It’s good to be home.”

---

I hadn’t lost my ​shift. ​It was part of ​me​, not the flesh around me. That was good. I would need
it to keep China in line.
Patchouli Knowledge was in the courtyard. Koakuma stood by her side, shivering. They were
both soaking wet, clothes sticking to them. Koa shook not because she was cold, but probably for
fear of being struck by lightning. Patchouli stared up into the clouds. She blinked every time a
raindrop hit her eyes.
“It is completely nonsensical, Koa!” she said. “How can this possibly be? The absent magical
energy that caused Gensokyo’s seasons to malign has suddenly reappeared. We are in the midst
of a mighty spring shower, when my torso’s depth of snow stood in this very court not
forty-eight hours ago. This demands exhaustive avenues of research.”
“Um,” said Koa. “C-can we research it inside?”
“Absolutely not.” Patchouli pointed up to the clouds. “One must be immersed in
meteorological phenomena to comprehend them.” Then she noticed me walking up. “Oh, hello
Sakuya. You look well. But what in Gensokyo are you wearing?”
I bowed to her. “I offer my deepest apologies, Patchouli. Please forgive me.”
She leaned back from me. “For what do you ask my forgiveness?”
“I undervalued your presence in the Scarlet Mansion. I promise I’ll work harder on my
studies. And I won’t ask you to help me clean. That’s my job.”
“Oh,” said Patchouli. “Your apology is accepted. Though you had best go indoors immediately.
Not only is your garb insufficient to prevent levels of exposure unsafe to human physiology, but
also both Flandre and the mistress eagerly await your return.”
“So do I.” I bowed to them. “See you both soon.”
Koa returned the bow as I passed. “Welcome home, Lady Sakuya.”
I smiled at her. “Thank you.”
I went inside.

---
No sooner had I stepped into the foyer than I was attacked.
“​Sa-koo-yaaaa!​ ” Flandre Scarlet jumped off the stairs, sailed down to the foyer floor, dashed
across the tile, and tackled me down to it. As always, she had Lavatein in one hand. I was careful
not to get whacked by either that or her wings.
I landed on my back, and she on top of me. She wasn’t heavy enough to pin me in place, but
she acted like she was.
“Why were you gone for ​so long?​ ” she said. “Did you bring me any food?”
“Not yet,” I said. “But the spring is back. We’ll go shopping soon.”
“Yay! I like shopping.”
 “And I like you.” I reached up, yanked her down in a hug. She tried to get away, but only
playfully. She was strong enough to break free, but she didn’t want to. I tousled her hair. She
giggled.
“Wait! Wait!” She reached into her vest pocket, pulled out a small slip of paper. Not a
spellcard. A meal ticket.
“Oh?” I said. “You must be hungry, to use one of those precious things.”
​ ungry,” she said. “I could eat you all up!”
“I’m ​so h
She bit at my neck like a vampire, but still only in play. Her mouth tickled my skin.
“All right!” I said, laughing. “I give up. Let me get in some decent clothes, and I’ll make you
breakfast.”

---

I should have been exhausted from my all-night walk. I wasn’t. Making breakfast seemed like
the smartest idea ever. So I did, and it felt like becoming ​me ​again. Slipping into my own clothes,
my kitchen, my work. I loved it.
But where was Remilia? I had expected her to come rushing to find me, just like Flandre had.
My mistress didn’t appear in the kitchen while I prepared the morning meal. She wasn’t in the
dining room when I served it. I knew where she might be. After Flandre was fed, I took a tray of
food up to the fourth floor, to my mistress’s study. I knocked on the door.
“Come in,” she said from inside.
I stepped in, closed the door behind myself. Remilia Scarlet stood on the far side of the room,
her back turned to me. She looked out the bay windows, over the lake in the rainstorm. She was
dressed in her bed clothes. Her hair was a mess. She turned to look at me, and I saw her face.
She was haggard, as if she hadn’t slept since I left.
“Mistress,” I said, bowing as well as I could with a full tray. “I brought you breakfast.”
“Thank you,” she said. “But I’m not hungry. Set it on the desk.”
I stepped forward, set the tray on her desk. It got me close enough. Remilia ran at me, and she
jumped over t​ he desk. She flew right over the food and landed on me. Her arms clamped around
my neck, her legs wrapped around my back. She would have hugged me with her wings, but that
she couldn’t bend them that far forward. She held me so tightly. Her weight nearly dragged me
to the floor, but I got an arm under her bottom, and we both stayed up.
“​Sakuya!​ ”​ s​ he sobbed onto me me. She cried, and I cried with her.

---

How could I possibly tell her what had happened? None of it made any sense. Stolen seasons,
out-of-body experiences, life after death. Magic and blood and murder. It was too much.
We spent a long time together in my mistress’s study. We talked, we hugged, and we cried.
We both nibbled at the breakfast I had brought, but we didn’t finish it. We were too
overwhelmed to want food.
In the end, my mistress believed a lie. She thought I had spent the last two days at Reimu’s
shrine, stuck there because the weather was too poor for traveling. When the spring returned by
itself, I came back to the Scarlet Mansion, but without Reimu and Marisa. They didn’t need to
come with me, since the weather problem was resolved.
It was all wrong. What’s worse, Remilia ​knew w ​ as a lie. It left so many things unexplained.
Why did I come home dressed like a beggar? My eyes were a brighter shade of blue. I was a little
taller, and my figure was more shapely. Why had I changed? What had happened to my
spellcards, and the petal of ​spring ​essence?
I let her believe the lie, but no longer than I had to. I was sick to death of falsehood. I needed
to tell her the truth, but I didn’t know how. Sitting on the love seat with her, crying and
blubbering while I belted the nonsense I had just lived through, simply wouldn’t do. There had
to be a better way to tell my tale.
I decided to take the example of our favorite shrine maiden.
I wrote the narrative you’ve almost finished reading.
---
Should I say things went back to normal? That the adventure was over, and we lived our lives
as we always had? You know I can’t say that. It would be a lie. When I began, I promised to tell
the truth. No matter how it embarrassed me. No matter how many crimes I confessed to. No
matter how many people came to hate me.
The adventure is never over. The author puts down her pen, leans back from her librarian’s
writing desk, and shakes the cramps out of her hand. But even though her telling has ended, the
story goes on. Life goes on. It always does.
It can cause despair. It can cause fear, anger, hatred and death, to live the never-ending story.
Will it ever be over? Will we ever find relief?
The answer isn’t ​yes​. Nor is the answer ​no. ​We can find relief, if we seek it in the right places.
But it won’t come to us effortlessly. We must hunt it down. We must fight for it. We must put all
our strength, talent and intelligence into it. When we are hurt, we must forgive. When we hurt
others, we must work to be forgiven. Our families must know that we care for them.
Of course, there’s a simpler way to say that. It can all be summarized into one phrase, into
three little words.
We must love.

THE END