Social Media:

blessing or
a curse?
Find out 5 fool
proof ways to
avoid Social
Media distraction

National
Bullying
Prevention
Month:
The stigma around workplace
bullying and how you can raise
awareness by sharing your story!

Sue
Curr
Our cover girl
celebrates 3000
days of sobriety
Entrepreneurial
and explains why Insight:
self care isn’t A look inside the glamorous
about vanity lifestyle of a Hollywood
make-up artist and who was
her favourite client!
ISSUE 03 | OCTOBER 2020

T H E W IN N I N G F OR MU LA 1
2
Contents. FROM THE
EDITOR.
BUSINESS October sees quite a few milestones to
4. What Gets Measured, Gets Managed celebrate including Black History Month,
LGBT History Month and National Bullying
6. Want More Clients? Learn How Easily Prevention Month to name but a few. It
and Effortlessly also recognises World Mental Health Day,
another truly important day to acknowledge
8. Overcoming Money Fears
and recognise.
10. A Few Home Truths
Our history and prevention months are an
annual observance that commemorate the
12. Five Ways to Avoid
history and achievements of members of
Social Media Distraction
that particular community and it’s customary
14. Are You Killing to have events and talks across the country
Your Business? to celebrate these. Unfortunately, with the
current pandemic situation, these will be
16. Coaching Corner more online than offline this year.

The latter awareness month (National

Bullying Prevention Month) was initially
18. The Impact of Culture on Business developed to raise awareness of bullying. In
this issue, we cover this topic in one of our
20. Focus on Success
articles which is an intro into our upcoming
book SINGLED OUT: The Corporate
22. The Corporate Pandemic
Pandemic. This book shares the stories
24. The Imposter Syndrome and experiences of women who have been
affected by workplace bullying. We were
26. Locking Down to Looking Up quite shocked recently by the extent and
FEATURED sheer number of people who answered
28. Entrepreneurial Insight: our social media post about this, who have
been affected by bullying. Get in touch with
HEALTH Jo Jewett
us if you’d like to be part of this journey
34. Self Care - Sanity not Vanity to making a difference in this area... we’re
30. Trust Your Travel Agent always looking for new authors!
INSPIRATION
32. True Adventures As we take our final leap into the end of the
36. The Wonder of Whiskey year, I challenge everyone reading this to
take some time to reflect on your mental
38. Too Good to Be True health. If you are struggling or feeling low,
take time out. Get back into nature and clear
40. The Success Mindset
your head every day. A simple walk will do
that and it’s something I have adopted over
42. Relationship Secrets of
the past couple of weeks...
Shabby Furniture
it has helped
44. Just like a Raisin tremendously to
bring clarity and
46. The Pain of Finding focus to an ever
Yourself changing world
ahead of us.
SOCIAL
All opinions are
48. Think like an Astronaut the writers’ own.

RELAXATION
50. Nature Deprivation
3
 What gets measured
gets managed
W hen anyone sets up a business,
whether they choose to be a
solopreneur or a multi-national, it always
It’s simple to measure financials as these are
numbers generated by the business from
its regular activities. For this process to be
starts out with a strong vision for freedom useful, it’s important to set aside time to get
and a desire to be the best at what they do. your accounts updated regularly, by a set
Somewhere along the line a few issues drop date. The next step is to learn how to look
by. If allowed, they hang around. How do at the numbers for growth. This requires a
you know the effect of these issues on your little more in-depth consideration.
financial growth and reputation?
It’s advisable to have a top-level dashboard
In this article we’ll look at two different of 3 to 4 key daily numbers to look at, that
ways to measure business success. One are specific to your business. Then under
is from numbers that are available in a this dashboard to have a selection of no
business and another is by creating a strong more than 5 numbers that tell a story about
measuring gauge. This will help you make the top-level dashboard.
timely and considered decisions for success.
4
For example, you may have a bank balance What about the things that seem difficult
as a top-level dashboard item. You may have to measure, such as team morale or
a benchmark to know when you feel that reputation? Let’s take reputation as an
your business can survive the next week or example. Many of the larger companies
month. Underneath that dashboard, you can send out client questionnaires and
select items such as money expected to be have customer support departments to
paid in and paid out, so that you can identify help them to regularly and consistently
whether your cashflow can meet that consider the feedback and score. How
expectation. This will give you strategies on can smaller businesses get an idea about
actions to take to maintain the cash level at their score?
your bank. This is one small example.

Trusha Lakhani
actioncoach.co.uk/trushalakhani

Have 3 to 4 areas that you would like to be

known for and ask your customers to score
no more than 2 short associated questions Either way you will feel empowered.
based on these areas. If the score is below a
certain level ask a follow up question to find So, jot down a couple of key dashboard
out what would have it higher. If several scores based on: What will you start
people give similar feedback, then this will measuring from now on? What will you
give you areas for growth or tell you that you do to manage those measures to have a
are not attracting your ideal client. better business for you?

5
 Want more clients?
L E A R N H O W , E A S I LY A N D E F F O R T L E S S LY !

So, you have a business, and things are going great!

You sell your product or service, and get a
good price, but there are those leads that
just seem to pass you by, the ‘ones
that got away’ kind of client. What
can you do to grab those missed
opportunities? How can you
turn that around?

Firstly, you need to know

that you’re pitching to the
right people, at the right
time, and in the right
location. Check out your
perfect client, what their
needs are, what it is they
want but don’t yet have,
and put yourself in their
shoes. See what they see,
hear what they hear, feel
what they’re feeling about
their need. Then ask yourself
this question ‘Does my product or
service fulfil that need?’ That might
sound obvious, but think about Pareto’s
principle, or as some might say, the 80/20
rule.

We spend 80% of our time chasing 20% of the leads we think are
going to work with us, instead of cutting our losses and investing our time into those
who will come through and be a profitable client. Look for a ‘No’, rather than a ‘yes’.

Second, how often do we make contact with a prospective client, and forge ahead with
our sales pitch without listening to what the client says? When we talk, we utilise things
called Modalities.
6
So, what are ‘Modalities’? Well, they are those senses which we use to gain
information about our world, and include Sight,
Sound, Feelings, Smell and Taste. We all have
one or more of these as our preferred
modality, and this leaks into our
everyday language. We’ve all
heard someone say ‘I can see
a clearer picture now’, or
‘that’s crystal clear to me’.
How about ‘Sounds great
to me!’, or ‘I hear what
you’re saying’. And
how about ‘I have a
great feeling about
this project’, or ‘this is
a great foundation to
start from’?

By listening to what
people are saying, we
can then modify our own
language to utilise those
same modalities, and by
doing so, begin to build up a
stronger rapport with the other
person. People like people who are
like themselves. If we know someone is
using Visual (Sight) language, we can respond
appropriately, e.g. ‘How does that look to you?’.
Likewise, Auditory (Sound) language can sound like this, ‘Hear something
you like, does it sound good to you?’. And for Kinaesthetic (Feelings) we
could say, ‘Does that feel good to you, are we hitting your requirements?’

We also use our internal self-talk (Auditory Digital) and can say
‘Do you think this is a good solution for you?’, or ‘you know this
makes sense’.

So, listen more carefully to what others are saying, and figure
out what is your own preferred Modality, so that you can
become more aware of how you speak to others. Now, go close
that client!
Mark Wood
mynlpworks.co.uk
7
7
 OVERCOMING MONEY FEARS

T
he fear of money is real for many
people and some have an actual fear of
spending it. This intense fear is called
Chremtophobia. Whatever your level of fear, and
you are likely to have some, it’s unhealthy for
your future wealth.

For most of us, it is the fear of not having

enough, or that we will somehow lose it all
and will no longer be financially independent,
whether as an individual or family unit. Small
business owners often face additional money
fears in that they do not know what to do with
the money they make or worry about being
financially responsible for others such as staff
and key suppliers.

Smashing the glass ceiling in your business is not

just about figuring out how to make more money
but dealing with these money fears.

Many business owners are not aware that they

have this fear of money. That might seem like a
good thing, but when it comes to our mindset,
not being aware of something is certainly
not good. These fears form our beliefs which
govern the thoughts we have and ultimately the
actions we take. All of this is going on in our
unconscious mind, playing in the background,
pulling our strings, even when we are blissfully
ignorant.

8
All is not lost though; you can overcome money fears then consider working with a
your money fears with a two-pronged mindset coach rather than letting the fears
approach, of money mindset and financial run your business.
management techniques.
It is always advisable to get comfortable with
The first mindset step is to become aware of your numbers. Gaining control over the day
your fears, as awareness is often all that is to day flow of your cash helps ease financial
needed to circumvent their hold over us. anxiety and allows you to overcome the
inappropriateness of any fear around
Your views about money and wealth are money that you may be experiencing. This
developed at an early age and will have involves paying more attention to your
been formed from what you saw and heard, bank transactions, creating a budget, and
directly or indirectly, from those that understanding what it takes to create a good
brought you up. When you examine some of financial plan. You don’t need to become
these experiences you soon realise that they an accountant or financial advisor, but you
have been playing out in your life, over and should consider using their services other
over again, like the proverbial bad penny. than to submit your tax returns and buy life
These are your money stories. They are not insurance or use the services of a financial
all bad, but if you are not where you want to coach.
be financially then it is likely you have many
unhealthy money stories. To resolve deep

Jo Outram
jooutram.com

9
 A Few Home Truths
F
or many the new norm is to work or warm skin tone for instance. A colour
exclusively from home - a surprising and consultation can help nail this. Once neutrals
welcome feature of lockdown. For most are in place, the process can begin to achieve
people, the return to an office workspace that curated look and by adding jewellery,
is looking less and less likely and empty scarves and jackets, colour is introduced and
nests will become a huge reality for urban multiple looks achieved, cost-effectively.
landscapes, the length and breadth of the
country.

The implications of these changes will directly “It’s about

creating a
impact personal style, as people work more
online, where a very crucial seven seconds
is all it takes to create an impression to
online biz buddies, prospective clients
personal
and recruiters. This demands a new dress
code. One which is casual and comfortable
brand.”
enough for home working, not starchy and
formal corporate code, yet chic and
considered, in order to create a positive,
professional ‘vibe’.

Curated. Casual. Chic. The new style

blueprint for homeworking; dressing
with purpose and intent.

So how do we achieve this? A great

place to start is to invest in neutrals.
Think greys, whites, black, camel,
beige. These are staple pieces that
can be styled in many different ways
by introducing pops of accent colour
and accessories, to create several
different looks. It’s important that these
neutrals are in colours and shades to
complement natural colouring - cool

10
 Whilst there is no need for the uniform and traits and preferences. Two of the six Style
ubiquitous formality that once dressed the Personality descriptors - ‘Quirky Creative’
corporate corridors of power, the blueprint and ‘Timeless Classic’ recognise and reflect
for home working must encapsulate style personality; an individual’s dress code
an element of chic to avoid appearing will be aligned and communicated in line
slovenly and unprofessional. Neat, well- with their core values. It’s about creating
groomed hair, well applied, discreet make a personal brand. The impression created
up, manicured and polished nails, whilst should be aligned with the individual, their
seemingly archaic, finishing school tips, are brand and their brand’s values.
all fundamental to achieving a casual but
purposeful look. Taking careful account of clutter and
background distraction is a well-
Accessories will give a much-needed documented topic but an essential part of
explosion of the homeworking style blueprint process.
colour to the Again, it’s about creating a positive first
neutral base and impression. Does the space look functional,
if chosen carefully organised and purposeful? Prospective
will create a clients and collaborators are unlikely to do
chic look and business, if not.
an insight into
personality. Style Whilst casual and comfy are the order of
personality is a the new homeworking day, the challenge is
key component to be casually dressed with deliberation and
of dressing design. To dress for flexible, working days
appropriately with as much care as we did previously, just
and reflecting with more focus and less formality.
an individual’s
Sarah Heron
truecolourswithsarahheron.com 11
 5 Fool proof
ways to avoid
social media
distractions
W ith more and more of us working
online these days, research suggests
80% of the time we spend on social media
isn’t actually work related! It’s important
to be aware of this especially if we want
to increase our productivity even when
working from home.

Research also suggests that we can

become addicted to social media with
symptoms similar to those in other types
of addictions such as alcohol or drugs.

Like any addictive substance, social media

gives us a boost; the positive interactions
that likes and comments bring, give us All this said, social media is an increasingly
pleasure. There’s nothing wrong with this necessary tool for both social and
in moderation (you’re allowed to feel good business interactions. So here are my
about yourself!), however, it can become top tips for ensuring your time on the
an issue if we begin to look to these likes platform is spent productively:
and comments for validation, or, if our
fixation with receiving them derails our
work.
1.
‘Overdosing’ on social media can also Plan what you’re going to do: before you
cause some visible issues, long hours open any social media platform, have a
spent in front of a screen can induce clear idea of what you plan to achieve.
headaches, and a dependence on social Are you going on to talk to your groups?
media can lead to a ‘withdrawal’ of sorts Connect with a lead? Post research
if you try to cut down, or a sense of post- questions? Watch specific content?
screen irritability which seems out of Having goals will stop you ‘busy-bodying’.
place.

12
2. 4.
Time yourself: schedule a time slot for your Open fewer tabs: if you have tabs open,
social media interactions, and then log out notifications will cause you to flick between
when this time elapses. This will allow you to them. This is an issue because once you’ve
remain focused; if you only have 15 minutes been distracted your brain takes a while to
you’ll stay concentrated on your task. If focus again, and you’ll waste time thinking
something catches your eye you can save it “oh where was I?”. If a tab is too important
or like it for later. to close, then use incognito mode to
silence its notifications.

3.
Turn off alerts: this will allow you to focus
and will minimise the risk of you being called
5.
Have something planned next: be clear
away from your task. about what you’re going to work on once
your appointed time on social media is up,
scheduling a task directly after will stop
you running over your allotted time.
Whilst social media can have a positive
impact on our day-to-day experience, it’s
important to make sure it doesn’t distract
too much from the other goals we have.

Obehi Alofoje
aurorawellness.uk

13
 Are you unknowingly
Aleksandra Kohut
finpert.co.uk

killing your own business?

Y
ou know this feeling – you have air” or a “they charge that much” strategy,
been running your business for which can work at times, but more often
some time, it was supposed to be than not it doesn’t! And once the prices
all fun, freedom and money, and now you are set, it is really difficult to raise them –
are wondering – what happened to that after all, you already have some customers
money part? Why are you working hard, and they are used to the amazing value
giving it your 100% (and more) yet not they are getting for a low price!
getting the rewards you deserve?
When it comes to pricing, you need to
This is the part that most business owners think about three different things.
miss. It is called the proper pricing
strategy. Do it incorrectly and your Firstly, make sure you do your homework.
business will suffer or may not survive at Research is key. Know your competitors,
all. Do it properly, and you are on to a your market, seasonality of the industry
winner! you are in, and your customers. Saying
that knowledge is power is definitely true
Many new business owners decide their when it comes to pricing!
prices based on what I call a “finger in the

14
 “When it
Secondly, make sure you are on top of will be able comes to
your numbers. Do a proper bottom-up to set up a pricing, you
pricing exercise, where you take all of the starting point
direct costs incurred in the production or to your price.
need to think
delivery of your product or service and about three
add them together. On top of your direct Lastly, the different
costs, you must include a proportion of your most important things.”
overheads, and that needs to include your point. What is
salary too – something that people often your product or
forget about! service worth to your
customers? How much pain does
Remember, every cost you miss here will it sort out for them? This tends to
eat into your margin – it makes sense to be the point where most business
do it diligently and protect your hard- owners fail. They think about how
earned profit, doesn’t it? Consider adding much it is worth to them, personally!
a contingency to your final price, before Big mistake! You look at the labour
you add on a of your hard work through a prism of
profit margin. your self-worth, your money blocks
Why? For the and your own money beliefs. Your
unexpected. customers will have a different view!
Think about
who bears Incorrect pricing will eat up your
the risk if profits, create cash flow issues and
something goes can kill any business, no matter
wrong. the size. Does it affect you as well?
If you do this Can you afford not to have a proper
second step pricing strategy in place?
correctly, you
15
Coaching Corner Welcome to Coaching Corner! Get
your questions answered each
edition from our qualified coaches!

Aly Jones Karen Burge Maxine King

[email protected] [email protected] [email protected]

Aly is the founder of YBU Karen has run a diverse range of Maxine King’s entrepreneurial career
Coaching, supporting others to businesses in different countries, has embraced property development
realise their true powers. Aly’s for over 30 years. As a certified and more latterly leadership
own personal journey has allowed business coach, she helps development, and wealth creation.
her to progress successfully small business owners who are She developed her Vibrational
as a business within the Self desperate for growth and who Energy Method to help people
Development arena. feel allergic to marketing. overcome blockages in their lives
and businesses to gain confidence,
clarity and success.
Question 1 Question 2
What is the number one self What indicators do you get when Question 3
sabotage that people do and why? your business is ready to take off? What can I do consistently which will
have the biggest positive impact?
Answer from Aly Jones: Answer from Karen Burge:
We self sabotage for many I’m assuming you want to Answer from Maxine King:
reasons. We often choose to know when you’ll feel ready to Three methods to be consistently
sacrifice now rather than pay perhaps leave a 9 - 5 job, go practised to ensure you are directing
later, like not applying for that self-employed, and make your the flow of your finances in the
promotion as it’s less painful than business your primary source of direction from just surviving to totally
the humiliation of being rejected income. thriving in the biggest most impactful
next week! ways:
First, you need to know exactly
Internal sentiment eats at us all how much money you need 1.Set your imagination free - your
in this modern world of choices, to your business to bring in. imagination is your currency and
as we are faced with continuous Whether it’s to pay bills or is where inspiration is birthed.
decisions. We’re plagued with provide extras, you need to cost Practice allowing your mind to be
thoughts like “I can’t do it” or “I’m that out. free and creative on a regular basis.
not good enough”; subconscious
processing thoughts derived from The next figure you need is the 2. Be vigilant - as limiting beliefs start
our ancient survival genes actually average value of each customer. rising to the surface as they require
trying to protect us by preventing When you know that, you’ll know your full attention to transmute them
suffering or death. But the World how many customers you need in into positive action. States of fear,
is different now, and self sabotage the year. overwhelm, exhaustion, all deplete
can range from destroying our your creative juices and focus gets
relationships, to self harming You need to be on a solid lost in not feeling good. This then
through food or substances. trajectory towards that figure. blocks your freedom to create.
For instance if you require
The most common way some of £80,000 and your average 3. Be present moment to moment
us self sabotage daily though, is customer value is £2,000, then ensuring every choice you are
procrastination. We all want to you need to gain 40 customers a making is moving YOU towards your
avoid tackling certain issues at year. bigger picture and not someone
times, but it delays our progress, elses.
so we must ensure we make the Are you on track for that? if so,
changes needed to stop standing that’s the best indicator that your Master your inner game, master your
in16
your own way! business is ready to take off! life!
17
 The impact of culture
on business Donna Dibbert
hayoka.co.uk

The power of culture is what separates a purpose. Some questions that you can
progressive workplaces from those ask yourself to start this process are:
riddled with despair and makes some
businesses bold instead of boring. Is it clear why my business exists in the
world?
Organisational culture is not a separate
entity of a business. It is the vibe that What is our purpose?
attracts your tribe. Both the people that
work in the business and the customers What culture do we have?
it attracts. All too often workplaces are
viewed by employees as places to leave The easiest way to get some
their brains at the door and collect on understanding is to ask people in your
their way out. How crazy is this? business. If you get a variety of answers
then you are not being clear.
Culture in the workplace is the way
things get done, especially when no one So why is it important to be clear?
is looking. Culture is also the glue that
holds people together and it is possible to Having purpose and meaning gives people
choose your culture with purpose and for the energy, passion, and motivation to
get out of bed in the morning.
It fosters communities of
like-minded employees,
customers, suppliers, and
others. They come together
with shared ideals. As a result,
inspiring work cuts through
bureaucracies, silos, and egos
to unleash the potential of an
organisation. Understanding
what your culture is and then
deciding if this supports the
business goals and objectives
can be a starting point to
making positive use of it.

18
Harvard Business Review states that
there is a growing body of research
on positive organisational psychology
demonstrating not only is a cut-throat
environment harmful to productivity
over time, but that a positive
environment will lead to dramatic
benefits for employers, employees, and
the bottom line. There is an assumption
that stress and pressure push employees
to perform more, better, and faster, but
there are hidden costs incurred.

Workplace stress has been linked to

health problems ranging from metabolic
syndrome to cardiovascular disease and
mortality. If we have the possibility to create
environments that are good for our
While a cut-throat environment and a health, engaging places to be, where
culture of fear can ensure short term we feel valued, secure with sustainable
engagement, research suggests that businesses, isn’t that an opportunity to
the stress it creates will likely lead to take?
disengagement over the long term.
Engagement in work is associated with
feeling valued, secure; disengagement
is generally negatively associated with a
high stress, cut-throat culture.

Disengagement is costly. In studies by

the Queens School of Business and by
the Gallup Organisation, disengaged
workers had 37% higher absenteeism,
49% more accidents, and 60% more
errors and defects. In organisations with
low employee engagement scores, they
experienced 18% lower productivity,
16% lower profitability, 37% lower job
growth, and 65% lower share price over
time. Importantly, businesses with highly
engaged employees enjoyed 100% more
job applications.

19
19
 FOCUS ON
success
F ocus on success. What does
that really mean? You have “When you stay
probably heard teachers or parents
say, “You have to be successful
focused in life, you
or focus on success.” What it find a determination
means is to channel your energy
to achieve your ultimate life goals. to make things
There is no defined definition to
success, and it means something
happen, even when
different to everyone. For some the circumstances
it means getting a high-profile
job, and for others it may be the are hard.”
ultimate pleasure we feel inside
when we help and serve others.

Only you can determine the

real meaning of success in your
life, and once you find that clear
definition, it’s time to focus, to
put all your efforts to achieve that
success. When you stay focused
in life, you find a determination to
make things happen, even when
the circumstances are hard.

Cynthia Jones
royaltymindsetcoach.com
20
 Focus is the ultimate force that can make impossible
things possible in life. If you are truly passionate
about chasing a certain dream, you must stay
focused on that and this force will automatically
clear all the obstacles in your pathway. So, the first
question in every mind must be, “How to develop
that focus to succeed in life?” Listed below are
suggestions to achieve something big by staying
focused and determined.

• Start by developing faith in yourself. If you do not believe in

yourself, you cannot achieve anything. If you doubt your capabilities, you will be
surrounded by many negative thoughts to fuel unbelief. So, the first thing you
need to do is develop a positive mindset and self-confidence. Value your ideas and
believe in your efforts. If you feel it’s right and stay focused to achieve, you will
definitely succeed. It’s just a matter of time.

• Maintain a confident approach. Successful people do have one

thing in common. They start and end with confidence in their personal as well as
professional life. Confident people stay motivated to do something new in life; even
if it’s something extraordinary, they accomplish their goals.

• Stay determined and motivated to accomplish something

extraordinary in your life. Determination works like an inner force that helps
you channel your energy to stay motivated and accomplish what is important to
you. It’s also important to understand that determination doesn’t come easy. To
be successful in life, you must concentrate more on your goals and objectives. It’s
important to understand the real value of your dreams. This self-awareness will
help you develop the right motivation and focus.

• Be alert and concentrate on what you want to achieve. When you

want to achieve something important to you, you must stay alert all the time. This
alertness can help you to grab the right opportunities at the right time. Don’t get
distracted by unimportant things. Set up your priorities and concentrate your
mind towards success. Entertain positivity and eliminate all the fear and negativity
from your life. A positive mindset can boost your self-esteem and help you to stay
focused to achieve all the big things in life.
21
 NATIONAL
BULLYING THE
PREVENTION CORPORATE
MONTH: PANDEMIC
They must be having a bad day. in front of others with the aim to
I’m just being paranoid. humiliate), screaming and shouting,
Am I imagining this? undermining integrity, pointing out
Why are they treating me differently? mistakes for no reason or falsely accusing
Have I done something to upset them? someone of mistakes, spreading gossip
I can’t believe this is being allowed to and lies, deliberately withholding
happen! information the employee needs to do
Why is this happening to me? their job, excluding, isolating and the
silent treatment and making life at work
Sound familiar? These are questions that difficult by setting impossible targets and
bullying victims will ask themselves over many more.
and over before actually reporting the
behaviour, that is if they ever do. Anyone
can become a bullying target at work.
Bullying victims can be successful high
achievers with an excellent reputation
in the company for many years before
they become a target for a bully.
Bullying doesn’t stop when you leave
the school gates, unfortunately. Only
the perpetrator is now an adult who can
be expected to be aware of and show
responsibility for their behaviour.

ACAS (Advisory, Conciliation and

Arbitration Service) characterises
bullying as: offensive, intimidating,
malicious or insulting behaviour, abuse
or misuse of power through means that
undermine, humiliate, denigrate or
injure the recipient. Bullying at work can
be overt or very subtle, but consistent,
persistent and highly destructive for
the individual’s career, and physical,
emotional and mental health. Bullying
tactics includes behaviour such as
22 constant criticism and insults (often
Most of us will be exposed to
workplace bullying at some
stage in our careers, whether it is
directly as a target or indirectly
as a witness. Unfortunately,
workplace bullying is still a
taboo subject. Many victims
bear the brunt and perpetrators
are rewarded in the form of
promotion, regardless of their bad
behaviour. Whistleblowers are
still treated with the stigma you’d
expect from ‘ratting out’ a fellow
prisoner in a secure unit and not
from a 21st-century company,
but it goes on more than anyone
realises. From a survey conducted
of 2000 people by SME Loans, a
massive 23% had been bullied;
and 25% have been made to feel
left out – in addition to the 23%
(exclusion is a form of bullying).

People are often reluctant to speak up about experiencing or witnessing

bullying at work out of fear of retaliation. Despite the cost of absenteeism
due to sick leave, staff turnover, a decrease in productivity, commitment and
loss of morale, etc., companies have been known to sweep bullying reports
under the carpet. Rather than dealing with the perpetrator, non-disclosure
agreements and payouts are deemed to solve the problem. In some cases,
the victims are made redundant. This is despite 83% of UK companies
participating in a survey by the CIPD, having an anti-bullying
policy in place.

We are making our contribution

to National Bullying Prevention
Month (October) by publishing
a book about the experiences
of some women who have
been at the receiving end of
this behaviour. Look out for
SINGLED OUT: Fighting the
stigma of workplace bullying.
Sharon Brown Jo Van Osch
REVIVALSANCTUARY.CO.UK INSPIREDPEOPLE.CO.UK
23
23
 OVERCOMING IMPOSTER
SYNDROME It can literally stop you in your tracks,
keep you playing small and stop you
Do you ever fear being uncovered as a fraud? enjoying your well-earned success. With
Doubt your abilities? Feel like you don’t feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt you
deserve success? You are not alone… fear being uncovered and revealed as a
Imposter Syndrome is common in both sexes fraud which can make you anxious and
(although more prevalent in women). Sheryl unable to push forwards with confidence
Sandberg, CEO of Facebook, talks of it in and ease.
her book; Lady GaGa says she has to pinch
herself to remind herself of how far she has
come; Tom Hanks, Maya Angelou, Arianna Imposter Syndrome or fraud complex as
Huffington and many other celebrities have it’s sometimes known is uncomfortable
spoken out about suffering with this issue. and is stopping so many people from
fully embracing their success. It’s a self-
sabotaging behaviour which boils down to
self-worth. The good news is that it can be
overcome. Here are my 5 top tips:

1.
Acknowledge - when the
imposter feeling creeps in
it’s important to take a look
at what’s going on and put
things into perspective.
21
Journaling can help to work
through things. Note down
the situation and how you
are feeling, get it all out and
down onto paper. Reading
back through it can help to
understand the triggers and
what’s going on.
24
2.
Talk – you will not be the only one
in your circle or business network
feeling this way. Reach out to trusted
friends and talk about how you are
feeling. Chatting about what’s going
on and being honest can start a
conversation where you can be open
with your fears.

3.
Understand – know yourself well. By
being aware of what your strengths
and weaknesses are it helps you to be
more confident in your abilities.

4.
Own it – celebrate your successes, be proud
of what you have achieved. By focusing on
5.
what’s gone well you are opening up to the
Love – boost your self-worth
positives and boosting your confidence. I
by treating yourself with more
recommend having a notebook dedicated
kindness and compassion, lose
to your daily wins; it’s great to read when
the perfectionism and enjoy your
imposter syndrome strikes.
accomplishments.

Imposter syndrome affects people

in all walks of life; some of the most
confident people you meet might be
struggling with it on some level so it’s
worth remembering that we are all
trying to figure it out!

Helen Pinkett
helenpinkett.com

25
25
 FROM LOCKING DOWN
TO LOOKING UP
From an NLP perspective, “Survival
mode” equals the “Grey Zone”, otherwise Fast forward a few months into the pandemic
surprisingly known as the “Comfort and our unconscious mind is still making
Zone”. I am sure it sounds weird to sense of all the changes and trying to get
consider that ‘survival’ equals ‘comfort’, comfortable with the ‘new normal’. Many
but not if you understand this from the have been experiencing bouts of anxiety and
perspective of the unconscious mind, depression as they grapple with losses of
whose primary role is to keep us safe. various kinds, from physical death of family
or friends, to unemployment or business
Physically speaking, this activity is closure, and adjusting to the new social
related to what is known as the Reptilian protocols. Essentially, many people are in
Brain – the oldest part of the brain survival mode where negative emotions have
which controls basic body functions shut down their creative juices and their
like breathing and heart rate. It is also ability to problem solve and see potential
responsible for our physical needs such opportunities. So, how can you jump back
as safety, triggering the Flight, Fight or into the driver’s seat of your life and take
Freeze response whenever there is a control of the steering wheel in a race that
perceived threat (for example, in the seems to have no rules and where the goal
case of COVID-19!). posts just keep on shifting?

Elizabeth Terry
limitlesstransformationja.com

26
26
Here are three techniques
to help you override the
powerful unconscious
patterns of thought
and behaviour that are
keeping you locked in fear
and help you achieve the
mind-set of thriving:

1. Pay attention to what you are paying attention to!

This is the first way we can begin to regain a sense of control over ourselves. We do have
full control over this despite what we may think! Filter your newsfeed and only watch
news once per day! Monitor your self-talk and do a 7-day MENTAL DETOX! Where your
attention goes, your energy flows!

2. Reframe failure as learning

Many of the negative feelings we experience are due to the MEANING we give to
situations where we have achieved less than the desired results. Our ability to reframe
those experiences as learnings allows our unconscious minds to accept them as just
that, and to shift our attention naturally to the benefits we have gained. This helps us
to move away from feelings of guilt and shame to growth and development, helping us
feel more motivated to continue to pursue our path, despite the challenges.

3. Start your day STRONG!

Take care of you first! Develop a daily morning routine. Whatever you are comfortable
with: prayers, meditation, affirmations, journaling, walking, yoga. Set yourself the task of
accomplishing three goals for the day. The brain likes choices, but not too many or it will
become confused! Use the BE, DO, HAVE Formula – Focus on who you are BEING first,
then take the RIGHT Action which will then translate into your SUCCESS!
27
 ENTREPRENEURIAL INSIGHT:

Jo Jewett
Jo Jewett, is an Author, Celebrity Make Up Artist,
Trainer and Educator. She has worked with some of the
biggest names in the business including Princess Diana,
Barbara Streisand, Bette Midler, Madonna and Princess
Alexandra amongst others.

Jo’s unique training system helped her to develop

The Make Up Training Company - and now her
groundbreaking website jojewett.com - Bridging the
gap in the beauty industry. She specialises in training
women over 40, the demographic who deserve the best
possible advice and product choices. Jo knows the make
up business like no other. After training in Paris, she
worked as chief Makeup Artist for Helena Rubinstein
and Armani.

Like most things that work, her product has stood the
test of time. Over the years Jo’s workshops have become
a known factor for many women. She has expanded
her technique to include a New Pro Age make up
programme. Simple steps to achieve a perfect natural
beautiful look.

Jo will be filming the first online Makeup course for

women over 40 - set to launch in 2021.

What made you get into the industry you’re in and has that always
been your vision?

I started in the world of cosmetics when I was 21. I was passionate about makeup and even at
that young age realised that all women wanted, was not a gift with purchase, they wanted to learn
fundamental skills that would teach them simply how to choose and use makeup effectively. My
mission then, as now, was to show how miraculous makeup is. I developed my Technique and
Colourscope range and was so successful my CEO from Helena Rubinstein sent me for specialised
training in Paris which ignited me into the celebrity world.
Years later having brought up two children and supported my husband’s business, I was 45 and
realised my own beauty needs were changing. My life had taken its toll on my looks, which I had
taken for granted. I noticed the inevitable lines and wrinkles, the dark shadows under my eyes and
my once fresh-looking skin had changed.

So, I came back and my mission for Pro Age beauty began. I have created a worldwide audience.
28
28
When and why did you What is the best Is there anyone you
decide to become a piece of business would love to work
business owner? What advice you’ve ever with but have never
was your initial received and from had the chance?
motivation and what whom?
obstacles have you I worked with Terence
faced along the way? I have a tendency to get Donavan on the Addicted
carried away, I am also too to Love video, after doing a
I started my business 10 years trusting. At a meeting with fashion show for Armani, he
ago after writing my book. a business Angel where I spotted me and asked for my
The natural progression was was convinced I needed thoughts on an androgynous
to start personal Makeup investment to get things look. During that time, I came
Masterclasses. Things have moving he told me I had across David Bailey, he seemed
happened in sequence through a product and that was a little rude and bullish but
meeting people along the way in fact ‘ME’. I didn’t need his work is amazing and so I
who have steered me in the investment - although he would have loved to work with
direction I needed to go. My offered it - I could do this him.
new collaboration is the most myself if I put the hours
exciting of all. After meeting in. So, I did, I found my Does your business
an ecommerce guru who team and we are ready to connect to your
showed me the possibilities and conquer the world! highest values?
opportunities to finally get my
programme out to the masses. I Who has been your My values have never changed.
now have my own hand-picked most memorable Everything I do has to be
range, I’ve done all the leg work high-profile the best that I can achieve. I
and put together makeup kits. client and why? am highly critical of myself.
My two Colourscope ranges When interviewed I always
sold online from my shop with I have had many high- seem to say the odd expletive,
all the advice on how to use profile clients - some I butterfly all over the place
them. We are soon launching people would presume because when I’m talking
an online course which will Princess Diana would be about my mission I get very
give my women everything they the main one. Barbara passionate indeed. Sometimes
need to make the changes and Streisand - Bette Midler - I wish I was cleverer at getting
achieve the results they desire. Madonna … the list goes my message across but I’m too
on. However, my most old to change now, so there it
What is the one piece memorable client was in is - me.
of advice you would fact Delores Hope. Married
give someone starting to Bob Hope [hopefully What are the three
a new business? you remember him?] top qualities you
we got plastered drunk feel are really
Starting a business is scary, in Claridge’s and nearly important to have
exciting and the highs are got kicked out until they when you start a
amazing but the lows can be realised who she was. business?
devastating. My advice, as long Singing ‘I’m just a girl who
as you are passionate and your can’t say no!’ While she was The most important part
mission is clear. You have total playing on the Joanna - of your business is you,
belief in your product and those piano - memorable yes! But your product and your
around you believe in you then she also introduced me to determination to get your
keep going and don’t settle. Be Barbra and so it began! product out to your audience.
brave! She was just lovely.
29
29
 TRUST
However, exactly one year after
starting my travel venture, the travel
and tourism industry is severely

YOUR
struggling to recover from COVID19
and the lockdown situations in
many countries worldwide. Millions

TRAVEL
of people have lost their jobs and
livelihoods. Hardest hit are those
countries which completely depend
on the income from tourism.

AGENT Statistics in Statista as of 21 August

2020 show that 13 million jobs
have already been lost in Europe to
date. Travel Weekly reported on 24
Working in travel and August 2020 that the Association
tourism is exciting! of British Travel Agents (ABTA),
estimated 39,000 jobs had already
As an Independent Travel been lost or were at risk in the UK
Agent, I get to learn about alone, and the World Travel and
awe-inspiring and unique Tourism Council (WTTC) forecast
accommodation and claimed another three million
destinations worldwide; further UK jobs could be lost by the
the different modes of end of 2020.
travel and touring as
well as getting trained in
processes and procedures
that teach me ways to offer
excellent professional
customer service by means
of webinars and online
education.

The future looked bright

when I accepted the
opportunity to become an
Independent Travel Agent in
early September last year. It
was something I had wanted
to do since I was a child, but
due to my visual impairment
it was not possible without
the technical advances we
have nowadays.

30
30
ABTA, WTTC and other These are critical times for travel agents, but
overseeing industry bodies are they are also a time to prove our worth. We
continually issuing messages of are now not only here to offer customers
reassurance to consumers great deals, design memorable trips of a
highlighting improved health and lifetime and take care of the smallest but
safety protocols are being put sometimes essential details. We are here to
in place. These include airlines, keep customers up to date about the constant
accommodation providers, food daily changes and to take away the stress
outlets and railways, etc. These of handling changes, enquiries or problems
are in each affected country to during their trips.
ensure travellers are safe on their
trips and all staff members on Widely unknown may be the fact that many
location follow the protocols. tour operators, except for TUI and a few other
operators, offer price parity.
A possible recovery of the travel
and tourism industry is, however, This means the prices on the customer
hampered by what I call the “safe website are the same as on their trade-specific
list roulette” approach of the UK website and you will not pay more if you use
government. By adding countries the services of a travel agent. This means if
to the “safe list” for travel only to you use the services of a home-based travel
take them off again a few weeks agent to help you find and book your next
later, so returning holidaymakers holiday you help someone to earn a living.
would have to quarantine for 14
days. - Elke Wallace

“These are
critical times
for travel
agents, but
they are also a
time to prove
our worth.”
31
TRUE ADVENTURES:
A SOLO WOMAN ON THE Clarissa Kristjansson
www.clarisakristjansson.com

TRANS-SIBERIAN
In the summer 2017, I The train pulled out just after
prepared to travel from midnight and this was to be
Moscow to Beijing on the my home for the next 3 days.
Trans-Siberian railway.
A lot of scenery is birch
Russia was the 35th country forest interspersed with
I visited so I’m a seasoned huge cities from the Soviet
traveller but still I had done era, but as we went further
all my research on what to into the country, villages
expect. Those pesky “what appeared stuck in time. The
ifs” are why many women Anna Karenina feeling was We pulled into my stopping off point Irkutsk,
hesitate to travel solo, and very real for me. The train the Paris of Russia, faded but glorious. I booked
why we even have to talk stopped regularly and we a free walking tour with Leo and got the
about it. would have time to get out opportunity to travel on the trams, drink home-
and stretch our legs under made Kvass, brewed from rye bread, and answer
To get straight to it, I had the supervision of our two the locals questions about Australia and what I
a fantastic time on every Provodnitsy (translated thought of Russian men.
leg of my trip, although as “train conductors” but
navigating the Moscow literally – those who lead); After that it was a trip to Lake Baikal with my
Yaroslavsky station late at who remind passengers Buryat guide (Mongolian ethnic minority)
night is a bit of a fraught not to stay too long on Dennis. The lake is spectacular and if you go
experience, mainly because the platform. Here is an don’t forget to taste the hot smoked fish or visit
of the language barrier. If opportunity to buy food the tucked away museum belonging to the artist
you don’t speak Russian from the babushkas who Vladimir Osipov.
at all, I would definitely flock onto the platform.
recommend downloading Freshly made pierogi filled Then it was to the train, crossing borders, first
Google Translate AND the with potatoes and onions across Mongolia checking out yaks and yurts
Russian offline package as that quickly became my in the Gobi and finally entering into China in
there is no wi-fi on the train. staple diet. the middle of the night. Eventually my final
destination Beijing, a culture shock after the
quiet of Siberia.

What about the people on the train? Some

people are talkative, some are not. Most were
very friendly and polite, and almost everyone
shared what supplies they brought with them. It
was a great community vibe.

Russia was outstanding and I cannot imagine

trying to cover this country by any other means
than by train. The Trans-Siberian railway is a
legendary trip.

32
32
33
 SELF-CARE:
Sue Curr
suecurr.com

Sanity not Vanity

We often make excuses to ourselves and Whereas in reality many of
others about why we don’t have a daily us struggle to accept that
self-care routine, but more worryingly the practice of self-care far
many of us absolve ourselves of the from being selfish is actually
responsibility for the consequences a selfless act. Think about
of not doing so. Each of us will have it, if we don’t love and care
different reasons as to why we ‘don’t for ourselves how can we
have time’ let alone make sure that reasonably expect to do the
we’re on our own ‘to do list’. same for those we love?

34
34
 When we mistakenly
believe that choosing to
love, care for and nurture
ourselves is selfish, we
can very quickly fall into
the realm of stress and
overwhelm and all that
it entails. Yet even then,
many of us continue
to fall short when it
comes to looking after
ourselves. We’re still too
‘afraid’ to put our own
needs above those we
love and care for, for fear
of being perceived as
selfish. Let me ask you
this: how much more
could you achieve in life
if you had the courage
to be ‘selfish enough’
to take all the time you
needed to love and care
for yourself?

Newsflash! That’s simply not true!

When we’re so far down our daily to
do list that we aren’t even on it, the The life we share with those we love and care for
thought of how much more we could is the thing which binds us together. By definition
do, be and become are things that those who love us without condition not only won’t
we rarely, if ever, come to consider. mind that we take care of ourselves, they actually
We’ve come to believe that in the want us to.
great scheme of things our wants
and needs matter far less, if at all, in We often treat the experience
comparison to those of others. that is life, as something that
just happens to us, but we
Like any other negative, self-limiting forget that although we get
belief, the habit of not prioritising what we settle for, we don’t
our needs is something we’ve have to settle for what we
learned over time. For instance, get. We lose sight of the fact
many of us grow up to become that every single day brings
people pleasers. We search for countless opportunities in the
validation from others and learn to form of choices and one of the
live our life ‘knowing’ that were we most important choices we will
brave enough to not only have, but ever make is to view our self-
enforce personal boundaries and care routine as an act of sanity
put ourselves at the top of our ‘to do’ not vanity, one that leads us to
list, then others wouldn’t; or, worse understanding that learning to
still would actually stop loving us? love ourselves is the greatest
love of all.
35
 The Wonder
of Whisky
W hisky and women; they’re
not words many people
put together. Whisky conjures
up images of men with cigars in
dusty rooms with open fires. We
know it’s a stereotype, yet people still
gravitate to my husband when talking
about whisky. To be fair, his knowledge
is pretty decent; he’s a good student! He
hangs in well before politely passing them
on to me, much to their surprise. They haven’t
realised the world of whisky is no longer just a
man’s game.

The popularisation of gin has done wonders for the

spirits industry. Whisky has shaken off its dusty
jacket and developed a fashionable following. It
isn’t just the consumers whose demographic is
changing. Women now work hand in hand with
men across the whisky industry. With the likes
of Master Blenders Stephanie Macleod (Dewars)
and Dr Rachel Barrie (Brown Forman), alongside
Directors and Distillery Founders, you might
be forgiven for thinking women in whisky is a
modern-day phenomenon. However, women
have been found heading up distilleries since the
19th Century. Cardhu Distillery (the home
of Johnnie Walker) owes its success to
Elizabeth Cummings who in 1885 had the
distillery rebuilt, tripling production,
and in 1954 Bessie Williamson
became the managing owner of
Laphroaig Distillery on Islay.

36
36 Ingrid Anna Jones
whiskeysorchard.co.uk
 Every barrel of distilled spirit slowly
rests, matures and waits. Three years
minimum by Scottish regulations
(generally followed worldwide).
Even then whiskies can sleep
for many more years before
they reach their prime. Part
of the lure of whisky is the
world it inhabits, created
through the legends and
history of each distillery.
Even the new ones understand
the importance of their story
and tell it with the same vigour and
intrigue as those centuries old.

Whisky is an amazing combination of

science and art. From chemical reactions
and technology to barrel influences and
design. Whether its success is a marketing
triumph or an accidental reality, the magic
of whisky is collected and presented to
My first whisky experience was in 2001. customers in packaging and names echoing
I held no interest in this strange liquid but, its forefathers, increasingly now with a
buzzing from a successful conference I’d flair of colour and style reflecting the new
attended, I was approached by a guest fashionable drinker, or, are we actually just
speaker who’d run a whisky tasting for longing for the stillness of an old smoking
delegates. With whisky remaining he offered jacket and open fire?
to run a mini tasting. Unsure what to expect
I dutifully sat down to hear and taste what
he had to offer. There were five different
whiskies; we added water, smelled and tasted
each one in turn. I was hooked and eager to
learn more.
“The world
The world of whisky is much more than just
of whisky is
the drink. The history, beliefs and legends
that are ingrained into the very essence much more
than just the
of each drop are far greater than you can
imagine. As the production of whisky
increases worldwide it seems busy and
frantic; however, whisky can never be rushed.
drink.” 37
37
 Too good to be true? Olive Pellington
ovpc4schools.co.uk

E ver wondered why so many people

when offered a solution to their
problems often say ‘It’s too good to be
you know that it can’t be done. They
will go into every detail about someone
who tried and failed and why hoping for
true’? What do you notice about people such things is an impossibility. It would
who choose to live their lives this way? be better if you had a good look at this
person’s advice before letting their voice
People who are in the habit of saying ‘It’s sink too deeply into your mind. Make
too good to be true’ are absolutely right. an observation; what have they achieved?
The truth is, it’s not the solution that When was the last time they actually took
is too good to be true it is the fact that action on the things they continuously
the solution is too good to be their truth. complain about?
They may have never experienced an
abundance of joy, health, wealth or
happiness before. So, is it any wonder
that when a solution to their problem
is offered, they are unable to envisage a
positive outcome in their own lives? Is it
any wonder that they feel undeserving of
the possible rewards?

Stop for a moment. Think about what

you really want. Is it too good to be your
truth? When we share our dreams with
38
38 these people, they will be the first to let
Imagine if your child or a young person They openly dismiss your ideas and
were to share their dreams, aspirations projects as doomed fantasies.
and goals with a person like this, would
you want them to give the same advice? Thankfully there were and still are people
out there today who didn’t and don’t buy
You see, there is a label for people like into this way of thinking. We have planes,
this, they are called dream stealers. They trains, automobiles, surgical procedures,
are usually the ones who show up just as medicines, technologies, communication
you’re about take that courageous step and a whole host of inventions because
forward that will improve your life. some people were brave enough to ignore
the naysayers.

So, if things are really too good to be As parents, carers, teachers and people
true, then perhaps we should stop in authority, we must lead by example.
searching for the cure to cancer, the We are usually the first role models a
vaccine for Covid-19 and remedies for child looks up to. Will we lead them to
other terrible diseases. If things really a life of gloom or will we help them fill
are too good to be true, perhaps we it with a courageous commitment to live
should give up on love and being kind to up to their full potential? Let’s all work
one another. This may sound like a crazy together to make life so good it has to be
gesture but that’s because it is. true!
3939
 The Success
Renee Dominguez
empoweredleadhership.com

Mindset
W hat holds most people back from
truly achieving success is the fear
of failure. This feeling can be much worse
To create this
mindset shift, you
only need a few
than the feeling of accomplishment. Yet success habits to get
looking fear in the face is easier than you things kick-started.
think. It’s all about where your mindset is When you have a
at. Most people create stories in their head vision, you shouldn’t
about why their goals are not possible for let anything stop you
them. Their mindset is so strong that they from achieving it.
actually make these false stories true for This mindset is what
themselves. What if you told yourself a separates those who
new positive story? Your mindset would do succeed and those who fail.
the same thing, but this time, you would be
accomplishing your goals. When Walt Disney wanted to create
Disneyland, no one
wanted to be part of it,
not even his brother.
He had a hard time
getting people to buy
into his vision as it had
never been done before.
To get other people to
believe in his dream,
he had to first go all in
betting on himself. J.K.
Rowling went from
being on welfare to
becoming one of the
best-known authors for
her Harry Potter book
series. She never gave
up on her dream, even
while writing on public
buses. “What are you
doing right now to bet
on yourself?”
40
 How you recover from setbacks is a major key to achieving success.
I’m going to share three tips on how to shift your mindset so you can
step into your future successes.

ONE
Always have a back-up plan. Most first attempts don’t work
out in the beginning. Thomas Edison didn’t say that he failed
10,000 times, he said “I found 10,000 ways that a light bulb
won’t work”. Create multiple strategy plans so you don’t feel
defeat from the onset.

TWO
Create your board of directors.
Surround yourself with people
who believe in your vision
and can be there as allies. The
people you surround yourself
with can make or break your
vision and dreams. Be very
selective in this area just as you
would be as the CEO of your
vision.

THREE
Exponential persistence. Don’t let ‘no’ or failure be part of
your vocabulary. Allow persistence to be your driving factor
for creating success. When everyone else gives up, you want
to be the person that sees setbacks as learning opportunities
for continued growth.

Small steps into creating a growth mindset, is all you need to start creating success.
Failure is only a byproduct of how you view yourself. You have a choice here - let
failures crush your dreams or see them as stepping stones to achieving success.
41
Relationship Secrets
of Shabby Furniture

I n a far cry from the advice of glossy

magazines or bonk-busters, creating a
strong, healthy and robust relationship takes
anything but and is possibly feeling a little bit
of shame and resentment for that lust-filled
night.
more than sexy lingerie, red lipstick, dim
lighting, mood music and an aphrodisiac- The lingerie, food and music are great, but in
fuelled dinner. an attempt to rekindle romance and passion
they’re just a sticking plaster, a temporary
Yes, they might help create a night of lust- fix until the same old arguments and
filled passion but when the lingerie is resentments rear their head once more.
returned to the knicker drawer, the lipstick
relegated to the bottom of the make-up bag, Too many women continue applying sticking
the dinner is still sitting on the credit card, plaster after sticking plaster in the hope
the kids are complaining that they’re bored that one day it will stick permanently. Or
and your partner is oblivious to what needs worse still, they spend years searching for
doing around the house, it takes a strong the solution and believe they’ve found it in
woman to still feel passionate, sexy and full of the arms of another, subconsciously thinking
desire for her partner. Deep down she feels ‘this one’s broken, I need a new one’.
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 Deb Morgan
notarehearsal.co.uk

A relationship is like a piece of quality lustre and polish but at the core they remain
furniture; if you know that underneath the as solid and functional as they always were.
shabby, chipped paintwork it’s actually sound Like tatty furniture, they can be restored with
and really you love that piece of furniture, the help of an expert who knows exactly what
why would you throw it away? It evokes great they’re doing.
memories and when you look at it, you’re
transported back to various times when it If you have a leak, call a plumber. If you have
featured prominently and supported you shabby furniture, call a furniture restorer. If
through good times and bad. You don’t really your relationship is a bit worn around the
want to discard it, but you don’t have the edges call a relationships coach to help you
expertise to properly restore it. unlock the passion, unconditional love and
happiness in your relationship to positively
You watch numerous TV programmes and impact all areas of your life.
videos showing you a multitude of ways to
restore your furniture, but you don’t have
the time or ability to fix it yourself. Instead
you shop online or visit IKEA and buy a
replacement item, relegating the old furniture
to the garage or the tip. “A
Years pass, and the new furniture gets
replaced time and again as it wears out
relationship
quickly and loses its appeal, and you wonder
‘if only I’d restored that old piece, I’d still have
is like a piece
it and the memories and feelings that go with of quality
it. It was sound, reliable and supportive’.
furniture”
Strong, healthy and robust relationships
take work. Over time they lose their initial
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 Just a Raisin

H ave you ever looked at a raisin, really

looked at one? It’s all crinkly and dried
out looking. Yet, if you gently put it in your
flavours
and my
stomach
mouth and mindfully taste it, it opens up eagerly
a whole new respect for the mere raisin. grumbled in
Have you ever thought about a raisin, really anticipation of the
thought about one? Come on, let me take swallow, the world
you on the journey of ‘A Raisin’… of the raisin
became
Once upon a long time ago, as I mindfully wonderous
tasted the succulence of a raisin, my mind
was transported on a journey of curiosity.
to me. “We too, are
As my mouth filled with the bursting just like the
raisin”
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44
I became transported in wonderment. to where we are today. Every hand was
Who might have dropped, or sowed the needed and was necessary, we would not
seed for this vine tree to grow? Was it bird be here where we are today if we had not
poo, was it a farmer? In my mind’s eye, I had those hands. We cannot survive by
could see the farmer setting his vines in the ourselves; we need the support and help of
vineyard, wiping his brow with delight as others and likewise others need the support
he surveyed his work. What country did it and help of us.
grow in? Spain, Italy, Greece, countries with
continuous sunshine and sparkle? Who Next time you look at a raisin, have a little
picked the grapes that grew on these swollen think about the long journey it had to take
vines and brought them to the factory? Who before you got to put it in your mouth. It
helped in the drying out process may encourage you to slow down and come
and who packaged the raisins? to your senses as you touch, smell and taste
Who drove the lorry that the raisin. Life can go by us so quickly.
transported them? Who Take time to open up to your senses as its
flew the plane or by being in our senses that we are living and
sailed the boat? being present. Allow the hecticness of your
Who transported heartbeat to align and joy to fill your one
them to the precious moment.
supermarket?

So many
questions
to ponder
over. Who
would have
thought that
my journey
this morning
to my local
supermarket
to buy a packet
of raisins would
cause such a stir in my
thoughts?

My wonderment continued as I
began to make connections and realisations
started to filter through. We too, are just
like the raisin. We too, came from a seed.
In our own way, we too were planted and Mary McHugh
nurtured and grown so we could be born. counsellingonline.ie

So many hands were needed on our journey

45
 The Pain
of Finding
Yourself
Andrea Powles Gullick | soulfullivingwithandrea.com.au

I think there is something

disturbingly incomprehensible
about choosing a ‘just in case’
Within three years I had faced the terribly
real prospect of losing my son, before facing
the horrible reality of losing my husband.
funeral song for your newborn baby, He was killed in a fatal car accident two days
only to use it three years later for after our son’s 3rd birthday. Adversity doesn’t
your husband. Yet, by 27, this was creep up on you, it doesn’t ease its way into
unfortunately the very heartbreaking your life, it literally smashes its way into your
truth I was living through. heart and leaves you scrambling for air.

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One cannot understate the roller-coaster of Many people are truly not accustomed to
emotions that grief and trauma can take you making themselves a priority. Combine that
on. In the midst of the searing heartache with niggling fears of what they may actually
and confusion, there is an incessant light find should they commit to looking deep
being shone on every inadequacy or enough, and it’s a recipe for bypassing some
insecurity you have ever hidden away. You of their most important work.
are left feeling like there is not one aspect of
yourself that resembles who you were. Pressure, stress and overwhelm are only
The compounding emotional fatigue strips shining a light on what is ALREADY being
you of any real identity as the ‘old you’ is held within. These things are, in truth, the
engulfed in experiences that can never be amplifier of pre-existing conditions, beliefs
undone. You can never truly un-feel the systems or fears of inadequacy that have not
thoughts and fears that first gripped you. It yet been addressed.
is the most painful realisation that the ‘OLD
YOU’ is never coming back. She is gone, Losing ourselves is the greatest opportunity
her innocence, her dreams, her carefree to actually find ourselves. It’s just a case of
existence, they were all snatched away within whether we have the courage to REALLY
seconds. look.

And yet what I was unable to see initially

was that the re-creation process was going to
be a more powerful experience than I could
have ever imagined. That in the process of
feeling like I had completely lost myself, I
was in fact being gifted an opportunity to
find more than I ever thought I had.

I have been guided to use my pain, my

lessons, my wisdom in a way that supports
other people in the midst of their own
identity crisis. My expertise as a guiding
Transformational Courage Coach has been
birthed directly from my time spent soul
searching my own life.

I am acutely aware that trauma is not the

pre-requisite for losing ‘oneself ’. The issue
as I see it, is our hectic, outcomes-driven
world does not allow for either the time nor
space for us to become fully acquainted with
who we are. Life doesn’t have to completely
shatter in front of us for us to feel lost.

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 THINK LIKE AN
ASTRONAUT
In 2016, NASA received 18,300 Supposing you’ve had your sights set on
applications for its’ Astronaut becoming an astronaut since you were
Selection board. To even be 9 and worked hard for 25 years just to
considered for entry into the be qualified enough to apply, you have
programme you had to have a master’s a 0.0006% chance of being accepted. If
degree in a STEM (science, technology, you’re one of the 18,288 that didn’t make
engineering, maths) field and at least 2 it through does that mean you’ve failed?
years’ related professional experience
or 1000 hours pilot-in-command time You might decide to improve your
on jet aircraft. That’s just to be able chances by focusing on becoming an
to apply. Of those 18,300 applicants, Olympic athlete. Surely those odds are
only 12 were selected to go forward better? Well you’d be right. Every 4
for 2 years’ basic training. Currently years, 1 million athletes globally train
NASA has just 48 active astronauts to qualify for the Olympic games. A
of which 18 are management whopping 1% actually make it! Does
astronauts no longer eligible for flight that mean the other 99% have failed and
assignment. wasted all those years training?

48
48
Perhaps we need to think Maybe it’s time to reassess our
differently about what being interpretations of success and
successful means? In his book, An achievement. Maybe it’s time to
Astronaut’s Guide to Life on Earth, focus on the intentions behind our
Chris Hadfield suggests we need to pursuits and maybe it’s time to set
“think of advancement in terms of the context in which we want to
learning rather than climbing to the live and then simply let life unfold.
next rung of the professional ladder. Who knows where that might take
You are getting ahead if you learn, us and what we might learn along
even if you wind up staying on the the way!
same rung.”
I’ll leave the final words to Chris
Elite athletes at the top of their Hadfield as I think he says it best.
game have also had to rethink their Feel free to replace “astronaut”
measure of success. In an interview with any term that resonates
following England’s World Cup with you - “accept the odds
win, Johnny Wilkinson commented of becoming an astronaut are
“winning the World Cup, the final terrible. Never make it your own
outcome, I learnt was not actually personal measure of success or
the true point of the exercise. The failure. Rather make it a long-term
ambition and every second spent goal, unlikely but still agenda-
trying to fulfil it was the important setting which will help guide you
thing. It’s not the outcome or result in your daily decisions and small
it’s the intention.” victories!”

Alison Lincoln
alisonlincoln.co.uk

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 “Nature deprivatio
NATURE
deprivation
Nature deprivation is a lack of time in the ready to migrate to warmer climates as they
natural world. How depressing that sounds! gather by the hundreds in trees, chattering
to each other about the route they will
Nature can heal, soothe, and restore. Why take when all of a sudden, they fly off as
wouldn’t we want to spend more time in one with the sound of thousands of wings
nature to be healed, soothed, and restored? beating as they take flight.

In today’s world, we are so connected to Have you taken a walk through the woods
technology and often miss what is right in with the fresh crunch of leaves underfoot
front of us as our minds are focused on our sending up that scent that only they can
cell phones or whatever device it is that is share? Signaling the end of a season and
always within reach. How long has it been the beginning of another. Ah, take a deep
since you spent some time in nature? breath! What a wonderful smell that comes
to mind of jumping in piles of leaves as a
Picture it, a warm fall afternoon. A gentle child.
breeze whispers as the scents of the changing
season fill the air. Birds are busy making
50
 Do you live near an ocean or lake? Take some Nature Deprivation. Why would we
time to sit; just sit and watch the water. Listen purposely want to deprive ourselves of all
to the waves as they gently lap the shore while that nature has to offer us?
egrets or seagulls fly near to see if you have
brought treats. Feel the sun on your face as a I spend as much time as I can in the
breeze that has just a touch of moisture in it outdoors taking walks with my dog and at
lands upon your skin. times finding that perfect spot to sit and
just breathe. No matter the season or the
No matter where you are in the world, there weather, we are out in
are areas that you can be outside and enjoy nature experiencing
the peace of nature. Breath deep and let stress the wonder and beauty
and anxiety go. Notice all the many wonders of all that it has to offer.
that surround you in nature. A small flower Do not deprive yourself.
blooming where you may not have expected it Take the time to be
to be. A caterpillar resolutely making its way soothed, healed, and
across a sidewalk. An eagle as it soars through restored by nature.
the air with the entire sky as a backdrop. A
stream as it bubbles and flows over rocks
providing a gentle sound that is soothing to Kim Lengling
listen to. kimlenglingauthor.com

on is a lack of time in the natural world.”

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 L & G Associates Deearo Marketing Words by White Sapphire
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 THE BUSINESS DIRECTORY.
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