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How Parents Act As Mirrors

Parents act as mirrors for infants and young children, showing them who they are through their responses and interactions. If a baby's cries are not responded to, they learn helplessness and that they are not important. As children grow, their parents continue to act as mirrors that shape their beliefs about their competence, trustworthiness, goodness, and self-worth. The author aims to help readers create a new, more positive mirror through a process called Mirror Therapy to improve self-esteem and heal shame formed by early childhood experiences and parental influences.

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46 views1 page

How Parents Act As Mirrors

Parents act as mirrors for infants and young children, showing them who they are through their responses and interactions. If a baby's cries are not responded to, they learn helplessness and that they are not important. As children grow, their parents continue to act as mirrors that shape their beliefs about their competence, trustworthiness, goodness, and self-worth. The author aims to help readers create a new, more positive mirror through a process called Mirror Therapy to improve self-esteem and heal shame formed by early childhood experiences and parental influences.

Uploaded by

eros
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
Available Formats
Download as PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
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26 HEALING YOUR EMOTIONAL SELF

How Parents Act as Mirrors


Infants have no “sense of self,” that is, no internal knowledge of who
they are as a person separate from everyone else. If an infant were to
look in the mirror, she would not recognize herself. You’ve no doubt
watched the reaction of infants or toddlers who look in a mirror. They
often react as if they were seeing another child.
Parents act as a mirror to show a child who he is. If a baby’s par-
ents smile at him, he learns that he is delightful and adorable. If a
baby is held and comforted, he learns that he is safe. If his parents
respond to his crying, he learns that he is important and effective. But
if a baby is not held, spoken to, comforted, rocked, and loved, he
learns other lessons about his worth. If his cries are not responded to,
he learns helplessness; he learns he is not important. Later, as the
child grows, his parents will act as a mirror in other ways. If they over-
protect him, he will learn he is incompetent. If they are overly control-
ling, he will learn he cannot be trusted.
Throughout childhood there will be other mirrors that will show a
child who he is. Teachers, friends, and caregivers will all perform this
role, but a child will inevitably return to the reflection in the mirror
that his parents held up for him in order to determine his goodness,
importance, and self-worth.
In this book I focus on helping you to create a new mirror, one that
reflects who you really are as opposed to how your parents or other
primary caretakers defined you. Through a process I call Mirror
Therapy you will be able to raise your self-esteem, improve your self-
image (including your body image), quiet your inner critic, and heal
your shame. Although this program is called Mirror Therapy, it
involves a lot more than looking in the mirror. Certainly it is not based
on the overly simplistic idea, depicted in an old Saturday Night Live
skit, of looking into a mirror and repeating affirmations like “I’m good
enough,” “I’m smart enough,” and “People like me.” Instead, it is a
holistic approach based on important psychological concepts, tech-
niques, and beliefs.
I call my program Mirror Therapy for several reasons:
• The mirror symbolizes our identity.

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