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What Great Listeners Actually Do

The document discusses what makes someone a good listener based on research analyzing over 3,000 participants. It found that good listening involves more than just not interrupting and nodding - it is an active two-way conversation where the listener asks questions to promote insight and gently challenges assumptions. Good listeners make the other person feel supported, build their self-esteem, and have a cooperative discussion where neither person feels competitive. They also tend to make constructive suggestions to open up alternative perspectives. Overall, good listeners are described as "trampolines" that amplify and energize the other person's thinking rather than just passively absorbing ideas.

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Kyle Crockett
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64 views5 pages

What Great Listeners Actually Do

The document discusses what makes someone a good listener based on research analyzing over 3,000 participants. It found that good listening involves more than just not interrupting and nodding - it is an active two-way conversation where the listener asks questions to promote insight and gently challenges assumptions. Good listeners make the other person feel supported, build their self-esteem, and have a cooperative discussion where neither person feels competitive. They also tend to make constructive suggestions to open up alternative perspectives. Overall, good listeners are described as "trampolines" that amplify and energize the other person's thinking rather than just passively absorbing ideas.

Uploaded by

Kyle Crockett
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
Available Formats
Download as DOCX, PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
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What Great Listeners Actually Do

by Jack Zenger and Joseph Folkman


8-10 minutes

What makes a good listener? Most people think is comes down to three
components: not interrupting the speaker, following along with facial
expressions, and being able to repeat back almost verbatim what the
speaker has just said. According to...   

Chances are you think you’re a good listener.  People’s appraisal of their
listening ability is much like their assessment of their driving skills, in
that the great bulk of adults think they’re above average.

In our experience, most people think good listening comes down to


doing three things:

 Not talking when others are speaking


 Letting others know you’re listening through facial expressions
and verbal sounds (“Mmm-hmm”)
 Being able to repeat what others have said, practically word-for-
word

In fact, much management advice on listening suggests doing these very


things – encouraging listeners to remain quiet, nod and “mm-hmm”
encouragingly, and then repeat back to the talker something like, “So, let
me make sure I understand. What you’re saying is…” However, recent
research that we conducted suggests that these behaviors fall far short of
describing good listening skills.

We analyzed data describing the behavior of 3,492 participants in a


development program designed to help managers become better coaches.
As part of this program, their coaching skills were assessed by others in
360-degree assessments. We identified those who were perceived as
being the most effective listeners (the top 5%). We then compared the
best listeners to the average of all other people in the data set and
identified the 20 items showing the largest significant difference.  With
those results in hand we identified the differences between great and
average listeners and analyzed the data to determine what characteristics
their colleagues identified as the behaviors that made them outstanding
listeners.

We found some surprising conclusions, along with some qualities we


expected to hear. We grouped them into four main findings:

 Good listening is much more than being silent while the other
person talks. To the contrary, people perceive the best listeners to
be those who periodically ask questions that promote discovery
and insight. These questions gently challenge old assumptions, but
do so in a constructive way. Sitting there silently nodding does not
provide sure evidence that a person is listening, but asking a good
question tells the speaker the listener has not only heard what was
said, but that they comprehended it well enough to  want additional
information. Good listening was consistently seen as a two-way
dialog, rather than a one-way “speaker versus hearer” interaction.
The best conversations were active.
 Good listening included interactions that build a person’s self-
esteem. The best listeners made the conversation a positive
experience for the other party, which doesn’t happen when the
listener is passive (or, for that matter, critical!). Good listeners
made the other person feel supported and conveyed confidence in
them. Good listening was characterized by the creation of a safe
environment in which issues and differences could be discussed
openly.
 Good listening was seen as a cooperative conversation. In these
interactions, feedback flowed smoothly in both directions with
neither party becoming defensive about comments the other made.
By contrast, poor listeners were seen as competitive — as listening
only to identify errors in reasoning or logic, using their silence as a
chance to prepare their next response. That might make you an
excellent debater, but it doesn’t make you a good listener. Good
listeners may challenge assumptions and disagree, but the person
being listened to feels the listener is trying to help, not wanting to
win an argument.
 Good listeners tended to make suggestions. Good listening
invariably included some feedback provided in a way others would
accept and that opened up alternative paths to consider. This
finding somewhat surprised us, since it’s not uncommon to hear
complaints that “So-and-so didn’t listen, he just jumped in and
tried to solve the problem.” Perhaps what the data is telling us is
that making suggestions is not itself the problem; it may be the
skill with which those suggestions are made. Another possibility is
that we’re more likely to accept suggestions from people we
already think are good listeners. (Someone who is silent for the
whole conversation and then jumps in with a suggestion may not
be seen as credible. Someone who seems combative or critical and
then tries to give advice may not be seen as trustworthy.)

While many of us have thought of being a good listener being like a


sponge that accurately absorbs what the other person is saying, instead,
what these findings show is that good listeners are like trampolines.
They are someone you can bounce ideas off of — and rather than
absorbing your ideas and energy, they amplify, energize, and clarify
your thinking. They make you feel better not merely passively
absorbing, but by actively supporting. This lets you gain energy and
height, just like someone jumping on a trampoline.

Of course, there are different levels of listening. Not every conversation


requires the highest levels of listening, but many conversations would
benefit from greater focus and listening skill. Consider which level of
listening you’d like to aim for:

Level 1: The listener creates a safe environment in which difficult,


complex, or emotional issues can be discussed.
Level 2: The listener clears away distractions like phones and laptops,
focusing attention on the other person and making appropriate eye-
contact.  (This  behavior not only affects how you are perceived as the
listener; it immediately influences the listener’s own attitudes and
inner feelings.  Acting the part changes how you feel inside. This in turn
makes you a better listener.)

Level 3: The listener seeks to understand the substance of what the other
person is saying.  They capture ideas, ask questions, and restate issues to
confirm that their understanding is correct.

Level 4: The listener observes nonbverbal cues, such as facial


expressions, perspiration, respiration rates, gestures, posture, and
numerous other subtle body language signals.  It is estimated that 80%
of what we communicate comes from these signals. It sounds strange to
some, but you listen with your eyes as well as your ears.

Level 5: The listener increasingly understands the other person’s


emotions and feelings about the topic at hand, and identifies and
acknowledges them. The listener empathizes with and validates those
feelings in a supportive, nonjudgmental way.

Level 6: The listener asks questions that clarify assumptions the other
person holds and helps the other person to see the issue in a new
light.  This could include the listener injecting some thoughts and ideas
about the topic that could be useful to the other person.  However, good
listeners never highjack the conversation so that they or their issues
become the subject of the discussion.

Each of the levels builds on the others; thus, if you’ve been criticized
(for example) for offering solutions rather than listening, it may mean
you need to attend to some of the other levels (such as clearing away
distractions or empathizing) before your proffered suggestions can be
appreciated.
We suspect that in being a good listener, most of us are more likely to
stop short rather than go too far. Our hope is that this research will help
by providing a new perspective on listening.  We hope those who labor
under an illusion of superiority about their listening skills will see where
they really stand. We also hope the common perception that good
listening is mainly about acting like an absorbent sponge will fade. 
Finally, we hope all will see that the highest and best form of listening
comes in playing the same role for the other person that a trampoline
plays for a child. It gives energy, acceleration, height and amplification.
These are the hallmarks of great listening.

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