The document provides information from a meeting on practical Christian courtship and expectations. It discusses expectations for the meeting, relevant Bible verses, reasons why marital relationships should be prioritized by Christians, what Christian courtship entails, and important areas to focus on during courtship like spiritual growth, communication, conflict resolution, and general conduct.
The document provides information from a meeting on practical Christian courtship and expectations. It discusses expectations for the meeting, relevant Bible verses, reasons why marital relationships should be prioritized by Christians, what Christian courtship entails, and important areas to focus on during courtship like spiritual growth, communication, conflict resolution, and general conduct.
The document provides information from a meeting on practical Christian courtship and expectations. It discusses expectations for the meeting, relevant Bible verses, reasons why marital relationships should be prioritized by Christians, what Christian courtship entails, and important areas to focus on during courtship like spiritual growth, communication, conflict resolution, and general conduct.
The document provides information from a meeting on practical Christian courtship and expectations. It discusses expectations for the meeting, relevant Bible verses, reasons why marital relationships should be prioritized by Christians, what Christian courtship entails, and important areas to focus on during courtship like spiritual growth, communication, conflict resolution, and general conduct.
Breakfast Meeting @ Redeemed Christian Church of God, City of Favour Parish, Isolo. 1/11/2014 1st November, 2014. 1 Relationship: Practical Christian Courtship & Expectations By:
OluwaToyin Idowu
1/11/2014 2 What are your expectations at this meeting?
1/11/2014 3 Bible Texts Prov. 24 : 27 NIV Put your outdoor work in order and get your fields ready; after that, build your house. Prov. 24 : 27 KJV Prepare thy work without, and make it fit for thyself in the field; and afterwards build thine house.
Gen. 2 : 18 NIV The Lord God said, “it is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him”. 1/11/2014 4 Bible Texts (Cont’d) 1 Cor. 7 vs. 36 KJV But if any man think that he behaveth himself uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her age, and need so require, let him do what he will, he sinneth not: let them marry. NIV If anyone is worried that he might not be acting honorably towards the virgin he is engaged to, and if his passions are too strong and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. 1/11/2014 5 Why Should Marital Relationships Be Prioritized By Christians? The first institution God established was marriage – Gen 2 vs. 18
Jesus’ first miracle was at a wedding – John 2 vs. 1 to
11
The analogy of eternity was done using marriage –
Matthew 25 vs. 1-13 .
1/11/2014 6 …Further Reasonings
Our Relationships versus three (3) things people
consider to be more important in life: 1.Money
It is the least of God’s blessings! A lot of
“dummies” (people call them idiots) who don’t know as much as you know are rolling in millions. Therefore, anyone can make money! 1/11/2014 7 2. Fame
Many wicked, manipulative individuals are
popular through sacrilegious activities and still people suck-up to them. Therefore, anyone can be famous! 1/11/2014 8 3. Career (Education)
Many mediocre or dullards (people call them
“fools”) you knew while in school graduated. A lot of known illiterates are now well educated and advanced. Therefore, anyone can be learned!
1/11/2014 9 Let’s Be Sincere Here… How many wicked souls, how many “idiots” or how many “fools” have you seen make:
Good husbands? Good wives? Good fathers? Good mothers? Good homes or have good marriages?
What does this analysis tell you?
1/11/2014 10 Some Bitter Truths About Relationship Hosea 4 VS. 6 Relationship is work and you can’t afford to be lazy if you want it to work. Even “if” you marry a perfect partner, you still need to work it out. There is no perfect relationship. If there is anything that looks like perfection, It’s nothing but pretence and hypocrisy! Christians don’t test run relationships as it is common in the world. There is no bad relationship but just two un-understanding/un- informed/selfish people You may not know everything about your partner but you should know what will be crucial in helping you take a concrete decision Knowing the will of God is important so also love, but you need more than these two to sustain your relationship 1/11/2014 11 Now, What Is Christian Courtship?
Luke 14 vs. 28 - 32 It is a period of time where two people of opposite sex who are interested in each other and have agreed to marry pursue and study themselves to get used to each other in order to prepare themselves for marriage.
Simply put, courtship period is a
preparatory/counting- the-cost stage.
1/11/2014 12 Before Courtship, note these…
Courtship is dating with a purpose, so only enter into courtship
with who you can marry and when you are ready to be committed to a serious relationship It is not really an age thing so it’s difficult to put age limit Maturity (mental & spiritual) is key, but most times, it comes with age Don’t jump, you must have been praying and seeking God’s will in marriage
1/11/2014 13 Warning
Courtship period is a foundation laying period, whatever you
do in the process determines its success or failure Christian Courtship is not a modified version of the world’s boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with the only real modification being no pregnancy before marriage! It is not the same as Marriage. So there are still limitations. Courtship only starts when marriage proposal is made and acceptance is said or received. Never assume you are in courtship yet until verbal confirmation is made. Be careful of “let-us-be-friends-for-now” syndrome 1/11/2014 14 Important Areas To Focus During Courtship
If truly you are Christians, you will want to model
your relationship after God’s will This includes growing together in spiritual matters Laying the foundation of your home with prayers and the word of God because as you lay your bed, so you lie on it. Accountability to someone who has been there before is important 1/11/2014 16 2. Communication
It is a process of expressing ideas and feelings or of
giving people information. While communicating with your partner; •Avoid ambiguity, come out very clearly •Don’t assume your partner will figure out what’s on your mind •Don’t communicate on your own terms, rather, always come down to your partner’s level of understanding
1/11/2014 17 Aspects You Shouldn’t Overlook in Communication
You should communicate in terms of:
1.Individual vision/ambition for alignment 2.Finance 3.In-laws/families 4.Sex
It is a process involved in facilitating the peaceful ending
of conflict among intending couples. Conflicts are normal between two people if they are sincere with themselves Whatever “major” issues you don’t resolve during courtship will be tough for you to resolve in marriage and they always pose problems. 1/11/2014 19 How Do You Respond When You’re Hurt About Your Partner’s Attitude or Behavior? Do you get mad inside but keep quiet with "silent" treatment? Do you withdraw to a safe distance because you don't want trouble? Do you get angry, criticize, call names, use sarcasm or some other aggressive behaviour like not picking calls or sending annoying text messages? Do you give in with a big sigh and agree in order to avoid conflict? Do you deny or pretend that "everything is okay"?
WARNING!!! Whichever of these you result into, be sure that you are not in a healthy relationship! 1/11/2014 20 In Conflict Resolution…
Be slow to speak/act – Proverbs 29:20
Focus on that issue rather than attacking each other Be honest about your emotions, but keep them under control. Proverbs 29:11 Remember that the resolution of the conflict is what is important, not who wins or loses. Never say anything derogatory about your mate’s personality. Proverbs 11:12
1/11/2014 21 4. General Conduct - Don’t give rise to scandal !
Be available to make your relationship work. In the midst of
all the distractions, courting partners must make some sacrifices to be available with each other. However we should note Prov 25:17 Break every soul tie. To have a successful courtship, you must be prepared to break up any relationship you have earlier established with any other party. You need to set rules and boundaries for your courtship E.g. No matter how mad your partner drives you, you don’t hit or use vulgar words Maintain sexual purity. Sex is for marriage and not for courtship. To have sex before marriage is a serious distraction. 1/11/2014 22 Salient but crucial…
During courtship, you must seek to know your partner’s:
Principles. A moral rule or belief that influences your actions. What beliefs or values guide you as you build your relationships? Values. What he or she holds dear in life…most important things in life to him or her Study to understand the psychology behind the opposite sex generally. 1/11/2014 23 Any Possibilities to Pull Out? YES!
But When?
1/11/2014 24 Any Possibilities to Pull Out? (Cont’d)
When you experience continuous fear or loss of peace
When physical abuse is involved When lust is in control When there is lack of commitment When there is lack of respect When either party is not honest and straight forward When there is incompatibility as it relates to health e.g. genotype
100 Questions To Ask Before You Get Married Critical Discussion Starters For Couples Who Are Preparing For Marriage (Spiritual Growth by John Stange) by John Stange Andrea Stange (Stange, John)
100 Questions To Ask Before You Get Married Critical Discussion Starters For Couples Who Are Preparing For Marriage (Spiritual Growth by John Stange) by John Stange Andrea Stange (Stange, John)
