1.

Great Descriptions

Do you want to sound more interesting? Then start with your descriptions. The best
communicators use more creative names for things � instead of using obvious
descriptive names, such as, �here�s some more beer�� try, �here�s some more
poison�� or �here�s some more liquid courage�� or reference the commercial, �this
Bud�s for you�� You get the idea? Don�t default to the trite word just because
you�re used to always saying it that way.

Advertisers and good writers know that using visual imagery and emotion is the
fastest way to your heart (and wallet). People prefer visual imagery and
emotionally packed words. Instead of saying �it was cold� you could say that you
�couldn�t even feel your fingers.�

Instead of: �That�s a huge burger!�

Paint a picture: �That thing is a heart attack on a plate!�

Instead of: �I�m so upset, I�m gonna need to calm down.�

Paint a picture: �I�m so upset, I�m gonna need to go buy a decaf iced coffee��

2. Great Contrasts and Comparisons

What if I asked you how your trip to Disney World was? You could say something
boring like, �It was fun�� Or you could include a quick contrast to make your
phrase twice as interesting, �It was fun�no one fell off a roller coaster or
anything�so it was fun��

You can always state what something is not like. �I�m very upset, not angry upset,
but nervous upset.� Or �That�s not trickle-down economics, that�s more like mist
down economics�� People enjoy hearing contrasts. Stating an exception helps
clarify, add contrast, and dimension.

Many radio personalities use this technique to add balance and substance to their
opinions (plus it helps them fill air time). Instead of saying, �I think he�s an
excellent quarterback�� they may say something like, �I think he�s an excellent
quarterback�now I�m not saying he�s Joe Montana�but he�s really good��

When you use comparisons, don�t be afraid to expand and explain them. �She�s
gorgeous, she�s at the highest level of gorgeous�higher than Kim Kardashian
gorgeous� and it doesn�t get much higher than that��

3. Great Non-Verbal Communication

Most experts agree � non-verbal communication is often more important than the
words you speak. Psychologists have consistently discovered that people are the
most drawn to those who have energy in their voice and mannerisms.

Take your listener on a roller coaster ride. This is the greatest metaphor for
figuring out how to use energy more effectively. You cannot simply inject energy
into every word you speak and hope that works. The trick is to vary your energy and
inflection. Stay away from a flat, monotone voice. When you speak, vary the energy
you put into each word or phrase. Try to emphasize the important words. Vary your
volume; speak slightly louder for important phrases. Treat your voice like a roller
coaster � are you taking the audience on a fun ride or a boring ride? Are there
some dips and lulls?

Control your speed. Great conversationalists can change their speed at will. This
works because when your speed never changes, your vocal patterns are predictable.
And predictable = boring. Is it important? Then try saying it more slowly. Poor
conversationalists tend to talk at the same rate and often too quickly. Speak in
chunks, and don�t be afraid of a pause.

Unconscious habits. Can any of the following nicknames describe you? Anxious Eyes?
Statue Face? Mumble Mouth? Lethargic Larry? You may not even be aware of a bad
habit; try to be more conscious of what your body does during an interaction. Ask a
close friend for objective feedback.

Gesture more. People enjoy movement, and gesturing is an easy and free way to add
this entertaining element to your conversations.

4. Great Outlook

Great conversationalists are always humble and have a positive outlook. They may
qualify phrases with modest setups like, �I don�t know a lot, but I do know that
she��

When they respond to someone, they look for the positive parts. Rather than saying,
�That�s stupid� they say, �Well at least you didn�t have to ____ .�

5. Great Human Traits

It seems very obvious, but expressing human emotion is key to great conversation.
Did they get a raise? Act thrilled and happy for them! Is this the first time
seeing them in a few weeks? Act excited to see them! Are you eating a delicious
piece of chocolate German cake � then say so! Describe how wonderful it is and how
it makes you feel. Poor conversationalists often have difficulty expressing their
emotions and feelings. If someone buys you a gift, just saying, �thank you� is not
enough. Express your appreciation non-verbally as well. Conversations without the
human elements can wither and die.

6. Great Intersecting Interests

Everyone has a bucket of interests that they love to discuss. You may love talking
about butterfly mating habits and the other person may love discussing fashion
trends of 17th European Royalty. You may assume that if you just talk about the
other person and their interests all day, the conversation will go along
swimmingly. Not so. Good conversation is never one-sided. Even the most selfish
people want to hear about your opinions and your thoughts and your interests
sometimes. Great conversationalists are constantly searching for where their
interests and their conversational partner�s interests intersect. Think Venn
diagram. When you find these intersections of interests, keep the conversation
honed in around those topics.

What if they like to ski but you never have? At the very least, discuss a topic
that is similar to the topic they enjoy. You could probably regale them with the
story about how you went mountain climbing and they would still be interested.

7. Great playfulness

What do all great conversationalists have in common? They know how to play with the
conversation. They can make their conversation fun. They do not take everything
literally or seriously.

If you are with a friend, and you get up to use the restroom, and they ask you,
�where are you going?� You don�t always have to respond, �To the restroom.�
Instead, you could say something less predictable and more playful, like, �it�s a
secret�� or a sarcastic �I�m leaving, I�m sick of your attitude� or �who wants to
know?� or �I�m going to go buy that girl a drink�not really, I�m not that cool.�

Introducing play to a conversation opens the door for them to play along. For
example, you might tell your spouse, �I�m going for a run�I�ll be back soon�� and
if you add a fanciful hypothetical like, �unless I collapse from heat exhaustion��
or �unless I get attacked by stray dogs,� it becomes playful.

This opens the door for them to play along with something like, �Okay�just in case,
how much is your life insurance policy worth again?� or �If I don�t see you back in
20 minutes then I�ll call the search and rescue team to come find you.�

Great conversationalists don�t always speak in literal terms such as, �the printer
isn�t working well today.� Instead, they may apply a fun metaphor, like, �The
printer is being temperamental today� or �I�m currently fighting a battle with the
printer� and the printer is winning. I might need reinforcements��

8. Great interest in them

This is one of the easiest paths to great conversation (but many people don�t seem
to take it very seriously). It goes beyond just listening to their long story about
the time they outran a grizzly bear in Virginia. It�s about asking follow up
questions. It�s about making comments about the events that they are describing.
It�s about giving them attention and allowing the conversation to center on them
and their interests. Be excited for them when they tell you that they just received
a promotion. Sympathize with them when they tell you that they just lost their
wallet. Be interested in what is happening in their life.

As the great Dale Carnegie once said,

�The best way to be likeable is to be interested in the other person.�

9. Great questions

What�s the secret to maintaining a conversation?

Ask great questions.

Great questions are not always literal and information-seeking. If you�re out to
lunch with your friend and ask, �How�s your job going?� � that�s a basic
information-seeking question, and you�ll probably receive a basic answer such as,
�It�s good.� Upgrade your conversation by thinking outside the box and taking a fun
approach, like, �Have they made you CEO yet?� or �Is your boss still keeping you in
that hamster cage?� These questions may appear playful on the surface, but they can
still contain real inquiries about real topics.

The literal questions can steer a conversation to different topics, but the fun
questions can keep the conversation playful and entertaining. Fun questions are
often rhetorical in nature and don�t always seek a genuine response. They are meant
to introduce playfulness to the conversation so it doesn�t become stuck in serious-
land.

Maybe you see a coworker coming out of the building with a computer monitor.
Instead of a literal, �What are you doing with that?� you could ask a playful
hypothetical question, �Stealing office equipment again, huh?� Now that you�ve
introduced a playful element, they may play along, with something to extent of,
�You caught me!�hey are you looking for a monitor? 10 bucks and it�s yours!�
10. Great responses

Great conversation is like a great tennis match. If someone asks a poor

Merely answering a question is not enough for great conversation. After answering,
it�s your turn to hit the tennis ball back so the conversation can keep going.
Offer your tennis partner something to play with (something to respond to). After
saying, �it was good,� provide a reason why it was good, offer an example or share
a story. Talk about how you feel about it. Then even ask a question back.

It�s also important to match their energy. Did they just have a baby? Share in
their joy! Act excited, ask them follow up questions.

Great responses are sometimes playful. Maybe they complain to you, �My fingers are
so cold�� And you could respond with something boring like, �that�s too bad.� Or
you could offer something playful,

�You�re always cold. Maybe it�s a medical condition. I think your blood vessels
actually stop at your wrists and don�t go up into your fingers.�

and then they may play back,

�Maybe you�re right. That�s why my fingers are always blue. I should probably get
checked out.�

11. Great stories

It�s not easy to entertain groups of people with interesting stories. The good news
is that stories don�t have to be Pulitzer-Prize worthy for your listeners to enjoy
them. In fact, some of the best stories are simple stories about every day events
that may describe a unique twist or occurrence.

Stories do not need to be elaborate and long. Did your pet dog accidently nibble on
your new shoes? Did your toddler throw up at the grocery store? These events can
make great stories, and most stories can be squeezed into 30 seconds.

Great stories have some common characteristics. Make it a goal to include some or
all of these story parts in your next story:

Setup: For example, �That reminds me, I was just at that store two days ago and I
saw the strangest thing.�

Contrast against what normally occurs: �I was watching this movie and I figured it
was just going to be some boring �chick-flick�, but��

or

��and normally they would just get up and leave, but this time they��

Details: Details add color and imagery to any story. Instead of, �and some girl
bumped into me��

try

�and some heroin-addict looking girl bumped into me��

Dialogue: Always add dialogue when you can. It�s easy and entertaining. �I was
like, �When is this party going to end? This guy is so creepy!�
Reaction: �He bought me lunch� and I was stunned, I couldn�t believe it!�

Turning Point: Great stories have turning points, like, �It was that moment where I
felt��

Post Commentary: Don�t forget to comment about your story, �If it wasn�t for Joe, I
don�t know where we�d be right now! Probably stuck in a ditch somewhere.�

Limiting your story to 20 � 30 seconds may not seem like much time, but if they
want to hear more, they will let you know!

12. Great initiative

Great conversation can only occur when at least two people are taking initiative.
One sided conversations are never �great.� Simply responding to someone talking
with, �oh yeah,� or �that�s neat,� or �I like it too,� is not a great conversation.

State your opinions more often. �Wow, she needs to put down the mascara,� or �This
is my favorite Italian restaurant of all time,� or �You look kind of like a
homeless man today.�

It also helps to add some superlative or definitive statements as well. They are
simply more interesting than wishy-washy, passive statements. For example:

�That�s the best coffee I�ve ever had�I can�t believe it�s so cheap.�

�Easily one of the top five movies I�ve seen this year.�

�I always read XYZ, it�s the only magazine that I fully trust.�

And when you can, go beyond just stating your opinion. Add support. Add some
commentary. For example:

Opinion: �I�m excited to try this place.�

Support: �I�ve heard great things. I actually haven�t had Italian in a long time.
I�ve been on a Chinese kick lately.�

Commentary: �I actually think my kitchen is starting to permanently smell like

Conclusion

It�s important to remember that developing conversation skills is a lifelong