The Art of Using Text Messages to Get Your Ex Back [With 53 Examples] 27/03/19, 1*02 PM

The Art of Using Text Messages

to Get Your Ex Back [With 53
Examples]
Text messages are one of the most powerful tools in your arsenal when you
are trying to get your ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend back. But you must use
them correctly or you might end up losing your ex forever.

This in-depth guide will tell you how to use text messages correctly (with
examples) when you are trying to win your ex back.

Why text messages and how you can use them to get your ex
back?

If you call your ex all of a sudden, they will probably think that you want
something from them.

If you send your ex an email, it’ll be impossible to have a conversation with

them. This makes it look like you don’t want to speak with them, alluding
to the conclusion that you want to move on or you just want closure.

But a text message has the right amount of ambiguity. It leaves enough
doubt for your ex to wonder what is going on with you and why you are
contacting them. This curiosity gives you a unique opportunity to make
them attracted to you again. To build rapport. To build trust.

But there’s a catch. You can’t just text anything to your ex and expect them
to start feeling attracted to you. Would you feel attracted to someone who
texted you something like this?

Hey, I still want you back. Please come back to me

Or

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“I don’t think I can ever find someone like you. Please come back.”

Or

“I am sorry for cheating on you with your best friend. I’ll never do it again.
Please come back.”

You cannot simply send them anything that comes to your mind. In fact, if
you text your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend the wrong way, you will most
likely turn them off and make them lose attraction, connection and trust.
And that’s where I come in.

My name is Kevin Thompson and I’ve been helping people with breakups
and getting their ex back for the past five years. Over the years, texting has
become an important tool to reconnect with your ex after a breakup. So I
decided to create the ultimate guide for the art of using text messages to
get your ex back.

This guide is designed to help you get your ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend

back with the right text messages. Text messages that build attraction,
connection and trust. It’ll teach you how to text your ex for the first time
after no contact, how to turn your text messages into deep meaningful
conversations and it’ll teach you how to transition from text messages to a
phone call or a date.

This guide has five parts.

1. When you should text your ex

2. The Basics of texting your ex
3. Texting your ex for the first time
4. Using Text Messages to Rebuild Attraction, Connection and Trust
5. Transitioning from Text Messages to a Phone or a date

In case you’ve not yet read our guide on getting your ex back, you should
go ahead and do so [it’s free]. This will give you the full picture and a plan

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to follow. This article only focuses on texting an ex. But if you want to get
your ex back and keep them permanently, you need to know about a lot of
things other than texting.

Guide On Getting Ex Girlfriend Back [Opens in a new window]

Guide On Getting Ex Boyfriend Back [Opens in a new window]

Alright, now that you’ve read the article and are ready to get your ex back
permanently. Let’s start.

Part 1: When Should You Text Your Ex

Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend?
Before you text your ex, you must have answers to a few very specific
questions.

Why are you texting your ex?

Why do you want to get back together?
Why do you think it’s a good idea to get back together?
What has changed since the breakup that will make your new
relationship (if you get back together) different?

If you’ve just broken up and landed on this article, then there’s a good
chance that your answers to the above questions will be something like
this.

Why are you texting your ex?

Because I want to get my ex back.

Because I miss my ex.
Because I just want to speak to them.
Because I have a few questions and I want closure.

Why do you want to get back together?

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Because I love my ex.

Because I feel I can’t live without my ex.
This breakup is too painful and I want to get them back as soon as
possible.

Why do you think it’s a good idea to get back together?

Because I know for sure that this time I’ll not make any mistakes.
Because my ex is special and I can never find someone like him/her.
Because our love is special and I never felt like this for someone else.

What has changed since the breakup that will make your new
relationship (if you get back together) different?

I’ll do whatever they want and never give them a reason to leave.
I’ve realized my mistakes and will never make them again.
I’ll do everything in my power to keep their love.

Now, I am not sure if you see what’s wrong with these answers, so let me
analyze them for you and tell you why answers like these show that you
are not ready to contact your ex.

Are you sure that you are contacting your ex for the right reasons? Want to
skip ahead to the next part of this article? The part where I talk about
texting? Click here to scroll down to the next section of this article.

Why are you texting your ex?

Because I want to get my ex back.

Because I miss my ex.
Because I just want to speak to them.
Because I have a few questions and I want closure.

Analyzing Answers:

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You should only text your ex if you want them back.

If you are texting them to get closure, you are just wasting your time
because there is a good chance the answers to your questions will give rise
to new questions.

It will not give you closure and it will certainly not help you get over them.
If you are texting your ex boyfriend or girlfriend because you miss them,
then it will just make you look needy and desperate and it will make them
not want to text you.

Why do you want to get back together?

Because I love my ex.

Because I feel I can’t live without my ex.
This breakup is too painful and I want to get them back as soon as
possible.

Analyzing Answers:

Do you notice how all the above answers are about what you want and not
your ex or your relationship?

Why would this work if your ex doesn’t love you, if your ex can live without
you, and if the breakup is not as painful for them as it is for you?

None of those reasons are good enough for your ex to even consider getting
back together.

But let’s just focus on yourself for a moment. Are these reasons good
enough for you to want them back?

Sure, you love your ex now, but you can move on and start loving someone
again.

After all, everyone in this world has the capability to move on from a

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breakup and start loving someone again. It’s the way humans are built.

Sure, you feel the breakup pain is too much for you right now. But studies
after studies have shown that you can recover from a breakup. With time
and proper care, you heal and start feeling better, happier, and more
confident.

Why do you think it’s a good idea to get back together?

Because I know for sure that this time I’ll not make any mistakes.
Because my ex is special and I can never find someone like him/her.
Because our love is special and I never felt like this for someone else.

Analyzing Answers:

Again, all these reasons are focused on you and not really give an incentive
for your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend to want to get back together.

In fact, reasons like this show that you are just focused on yourself and
don’t really care about what your ex wants. They also show that you are
insecure and needy.

Why would they get back together with someone who is so selfish and
insecure?

But, I will do anything to get back together. How is that selfish?

Just because you will do anything doesn’t mean your reasons for getting
back together are altruistic. Let’s look at your answers to the third
question.

What has changed since the breakup that will make your new
relationship (if you get back together) different?

I’ll do whatever they want and never give them a reason to leave.
I’ve realized my mistakes and will never make them again.

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I’ll do everything in my power to keep their love.

Analyzing Answers:

If you can realize your mistakes now and can stop yourself from making
them again, why didn’t you do it while you still had your ex?

If it was so easy to stop making mistakes, then you wouldn’t have let your
ex leave you in the first place.

In reality, it takes a lot of work and a lot of time to make real changes in
your behavior and habits. It takes a lot of self-awareness and practice to
stop making your insecurity and neediness affect your relationship. In a lot
of cases, it takes professional help to let go of the bad habits that ruin your
love life and relationships.

In fact, if you just broke up, then there’s a good chance you don’t really
understand the real reason you broke up. Take this quiz to help you
understand why you broke up and what are your chances of getting back
together.

If you just broke up, your ex has no reason to believe things will be
different this time. And they will have no reason to want to try again.

If you want to get them back, you will actually need to make a lot of
positive changes in yourself. Again, read the 5 step plan to learn how to do
that.

The answer to these questions are important. You must be clear why you
want to get back together and you must be sure that things will be different
this time. Then and only then you will be ready to contact your ex.

Of course, you should also do no contact before you text them. You can also
send them a short email or a hand written letter before you decide to text
them for the first time. More about no contact, the email and the hand

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written letter can be found in the 5 step plan to get your ex back.

Should you text your ex on their birthday or

special occasions?

If you are doing no contact, then you should avoid texting your ex during
birthdays or any other special occasions. Texting them on birthdays or
special occasions does not accomplish anything. Moreover, they might feel
like you are using the special occasion to get back in touch with them. And
that will make you look desperate.

If you really want to wish them on birthdays or on a special occasion, it is

best to keep the text short and to the point. For example, a birthday text
should be something like this.

Hey, Happy Birthday!. I hope you have a great year ahead.

You should not use the text to start a conversation. For example, this text is
not recommended when you wish them birthday.

Hey, Happy Birthday. I have been missing you. How have you been?

See, this text makes it obvious that you are using your ex’s birthday to start
a conversation with them. This will turn them off and make them not want
to talk to you.

What if my ex’s birthday fall at the end of no contact?

In this situation, I recommend that you extend no contact for another week
or two. You can wish them on their birthday but you should still stick to the
script and keep the conversation short.

What if my ex wants to speak to me after I wish them?

If they respond to you asking a question, answer to them in an upbeat

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manner but don’t give them anything to extend the conversation.

For example,

Thank you. How have you been?

I have been doing well. Thank you for asking.

Part 2: The Basics of Texting Your Ex Back

Texting your ex doesn’t have to be very complicated. All you have to do is
understand the basics, follow a few templates and just go with the flow. In
this section, we will talk about the basics.

Here’s what you should aim to achieve when you are texting
your ex.

Make them crave your text.

They should be excited to receive a text from you.
They should be looking forward to having a texting conversation with
you.
Make them associate texting you with something exciting.
Make them want to reply to you immediately after they receive your
text.
Make them start initiating texting conversations with you.
Make them want to take it to the next level (phone calls or a date).

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To achieve that, you must remember the golden rule. The golden rule of
texting your ex is to never send a negative text to your ex.

Here are some examples of negative texts that will probably make your ex
not want to receive texts from you.

You are horrible human being for doing what you did. I am glad you are
out of my life.

If you don’t answer my texts, I’ll burn every love letter that you wrote for
me.

How can you just leave your son like that. You are terrible father/mother.

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You are not fooling anybody by acting aloof. I know you are miserable and
I hope you stay miserable for the rest of your life.

I need you in my life. I can’t live without you.

Hateful texts, threats, needy texts and any negative text in general is a big
no. You can never make them associate texting you with something
exciting if you send the above texts even once.

To make them associate you with someone exciting and your texts with
something exciting, you must be consistent in your texting.

You must be able to consistently provide exciting and interesting

conversations.

If you can’t they will either label you as boring, needy, or just a negative
person.

What if I already sent a lot of negative or needy texts?

Do no contact for a while. This will give them time to forget all the
negativity and maybe even start missing the good times they had with you.

You can also use the “Elephant in the Room” text discussed later in this
guide to swipe the slate clean and start over.

The Frequency of Texting.

Ideally, you and your ex should text each other every day.

You know how lovers text each other? The first text in the morning and the
last text before sleeping?

That is the type of frequency you want to achieve. But, you must take it
slow. Very, very slow.

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If you immediately start messaging your ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend every

morning and every night, you are going to sound an alarm in their brain
that will make them put all their defenses up.

But if you start with just one text message and slowly very slowly start
increasing the frequency, they will probably not notice.

It will feel very natural to them and they will feel the attraction and
connection you build is also natural. Heck, if you do it right, they will start
increasing the frequency of text messages and there’s a good chance they
will start talking about getting back together.

OK Kevin, but how do I do that?

Here’s a sample timeline for texting your ex. This can change depending on
your situation, the intensity of the conversations you are having and how
often your ex initiates texting.

Day 1: First text message and a short conversation.

Day 2: Don’t initiate texting. If your ex initiates, reply to them but end
it as soon as possible.
Day 3: Same as Day 2.
Day 4: Initiate the conversation. Make it longer than your first
conversation but not too lengthy. Give them something to think about.
Day 5: Same as Day 2
Day 6: Don’t initiate. If they initiate, reply and continue the
conversation for as long as you like.
Day 7: Initiate and continue the conversation for as long as you like.
Day 8: Same as Day 6.
Day 9: Same as Day 7.
Day 10. Initiate a conversation in the morning, and in the evening.
Continue each conversations for as long as you like.
Day 11: Same as Day 6
Day 12: Same as Day 7

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Day 13: Same as Day 7

Day 14: Same as Day 10

Makes sense? Just mix it up a bit and keep having interesting

conversations with your ex. Slowly, but steadily keep increasing the
frequency until they are used to having you text them and they are used to
initiate texting.

Miscommunication and Negativity in the

conversation

If you and your ex are speaking to each other on a constant basis, there is a
good chance either one of you will encounter miscommunication and/or
negativity in the conversation. Here’s what to do when you encounter
them.

Miscommunication

Whenever you encounter a miscommunication, it’s best to clear it straight

away instead of waiting your ex to figure out what you said.

This can easily happen if you are using sarcasm in your messages. It’s best
to avoid sarcasm in text messages unless you are absolutely sure your ex
will get it.

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Similarly, if at any time, you are not sure about what your ex is saying or if
they are being sarcastic, it’s best to ask them clearly what they mean
instead of trying to figure out what they meant.

Negativity

Whenever you feel the conversation is going to take a negative turn, you
have three options.

1. Try to end the conversation and try again after a couple of days.

2. Try to resolve the issue without speaking about it in detail.

3. Talk about the issue in detail and clear things out.

If you’ve just started speaking to your ex, then I recommend you choose
the first option. If your ex still feels negatively about you, the breakup or
the relationship; then he/she is not ready to open up and speak about the

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issues in a calm manner. In this situation, it’s best to acknowledge the

negativity and your ex’s feelings, apologize if necessary and end the
conversation.

For example,

I can’t believe you can be so selfish. You weren’t there for me when I
needed you the most.

I understand how you feel. I was selfish and I am sorry for what I did. I am
learning more about myself every day and I’ve realized why I acted the way
I did. I feel that you and I both need some more space before we can speak
objectively. I hope we can speak soon and I want you to know that I’ll
always wish you the best.

If the conversation is about to take a negative turn but it’s not very serious,
you can acknowledge the negativity and the reason for it and try to move
on.

For example,

Yeah, we had fun in the Bahamas. I wish you hadn’t been busy with your
laptop all the time.

You can sense that your ex is upset about you not being present when you
were supposed to spend quality time with them. You can acknowledge the
issue without offering a solution.

Yikes! I actually saw that coming. You are right though. My schedule was
all over the place. I wish I had spent more quality time with you when I had
the chance. Well. Live and learn I guess.

If the conversation is about to take a negative turn and the issue is serious,
then you might want to speak about it in detail. For example,

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It seems you have really changed. I hated it that you never gave me space. I
almost felt like you want to control everything in my life.

You are right. I did want to control everything around me. I’ve done a lot of
soul searching and even gone to therapy. I realized my habits were formed
when I was a child. I never really felt loved because my parents were
always busy with work. When I fell in love with you and realized you loved
me too, I was doing everything in my power to not lose it. I was controlling
everything out of fear of losing my love. I’ve now realized how unhealthy it
was, both for me and our relationship. I’ve realized a lot of my other
unhealthy habits as well. Anyways, this is too much to talk about via text
messages, do you want to get on a call?

Notice that if it’s a serious issue, it’s best you take the conversation to a
phone call. But before you ask them to do so, you should give them a good
reason to believe that you have really changed. And at no point of time you
should speak to them about getting back together.

WhatsApp, iMessage, Line, Viber, Snapchat. What

should you choose to text them?

There are so many apps you can use to text your ex. Which app is the best?

It’s simple. Use the app you know that your ex uses most. Some apps do
have an advantage over others, but those advantages are very minor and if
you use the strategies laid out in this guide, those advantages will not
matter at all. For example, WhatsApp gives you the ability to see if a
message has been read by your ex while line and viber gives you a range of
emoticons and animations to choose from.

Almost all the apps today can send Gifs. You can use Gifs to make
references to your favorite movies or TV shows. (Download Giphy to get
access to a lot of Gifs). However, make sure that you use Gifs sparingly and
only if your ex responds to them with positively. Gifs cannot be used to

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build attraction with your ex. But they are good for an occasional laugh.

Part 3: The First Text for Your Ex aka What

to text your ex after no contact
Your ex is probably expecting a text from you after you broke up with
them. But texting them immediately after a breakup is a mistake. You
should do no contact before you text your ex. Take some time out for
yourself, work on yourself, make some positive changes in your life and
make sure that getting back together is the right decision for you.

What to text your ex boyfriend or girlfriend after

no contact?

Once you have done no contact and you are absolutely sure you want your
ex back, it’s time to initiate contact. Your first contact with your ex can be
in the form of an email, a hand written letter or a text. You can read the
guide on getting your ex back for more details on the email and hand
written letter. This guide will focus on how to text your ex after no contact.

When you first contact your ex, you can use one of the following templates.

The Memory Text.

This one is quite famous and you’ve probably come across it. You simply
use something to make a connection with your ex and say that it reminded
you of them. The key to this text is to keep it light hearted. If possible, add
a little bit humor. You want them to believe that you are no longer needy or
desperate and that you will not really try to talk about getting back
together.

For example,

Hey, I was just walking down the St Johns street and came across that

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restaurant with amazing Shawarmas. Reminded me of you (and how we

went there after watching Avengers). How have you been?

Hey, I just watched the latest season of Game of Thrones. You were right.
Jon Snow really doesn’t know anything. It made me think of you right after
I almost cried in excitement. Anyways, how have you been?

You can also mix it with something that’s been happening in your ex’s life.

For example,

Hey, I finally got around to reading the Harry Potter books. You were right.
I should have read them long time ago. But, hey I got to experience the
Hogwarts magic at 28. Speaking of magic, how was your show at the club
last night?

The Advice Text

One of the easiest way to get someone to feel good about themselves is to
ask them for advice. People love to give advice and you can use this to your
advantage when you are trying to re-spark attraction with your ex with text
messages.

The key to this text is to find something your ex is an expert at, or is at least
interested in.

But before asking them, ask them if you can ask them about it. Makes
sense? It will in a second.

For example,

Hey, my nephew has this weird math problem that none of us could solve.
Can I ask you about it?

See, how you are taking their permission before asking them the question.

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This almost guarantees a response from them because they want to know
the question.

We just can’t figure out what is the square root of 16.” [Note: come up with
a better question than that]

Oh, that’s simple. It’s 4.

Wow. Thanks a lot. I was always amazed at what a genius you are at math.
How have you been?

This template is great to get your ex to respond to you. You totally fly under
their radar when you ask them for advice. Here’s another example using
the same template.

Hey, my friend just started cooking and he asked me a weird question. I

am totally confused. Can I ask you about it?

Is it okay to add onions when I am cooking a steak?

Umm, if it’s a good quality steak, it’s probably best not to add any onions.
But if you want to experiment, go ahead.

Thanks. I love how you are so good at cooking anything. And I loved the
chili you made for me that day. Where did you learn to make it?

Again, come up with better questions than that. I am totally pulling this
out from nowhere as I am writing this article and if you use the questions
in the above examples, your ex will probably see through them.

Make your questions genuine and be genuinely curious about their answer.

The Elephant in the Room Text.

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What if your break up was really bad? What if you made a lot of mistakes
after the breakup? What if you acted needy, desperate, creepy and maybe
even stalky? What if you cheated on your ex? What if your ex cheated on
you?

If you fall in any of the above category, then there is a good chance you will
not be able to use any of the first text messages as templates to get back in
touch. If the last thing your ex said to you was something along the lines of

“I hate you. Please never contact me again.”

You can’t just act as if it didn’t happen and just casually start talking about
how Jon Snow knew nothing in the latest episode of Game of Thrones.

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I am not obsessed with Jon Snow. I just havenʼt watched the latest season yet. (No spoilers in
the comment section.)

If you do that, your ex will be weirded out and think you are crazy.

You have to acknowledge the elephant in the room. You have to clean the
slate so you can start again. This is when the Elephant in the room texts
come in handy.

How do you go about it?

You’ve got to mention three things in this Text.

1. Apologize for whatever happened during the breakup

2. Acknowledge that you’ve accepted the breakup and have healed

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3. Tell them how you’ve changed (For example, learned how you were
needy and started working on yourself.)

Once you’ve sent the Elephant in the room text, you have to lay back for at
least a week or two before you can use any of the other templates
mentioned in this guide. (Note the Elephant in the room text is especially
useful if your ex girlfriend is dating a new boyfriend or if your ex boyfriend
has moved on to a new girlfriend)

Now the Elephant in the room texts need to be unique for every situation.
But I have a lot of readers and clients who go through many similar
situations. This has given me the opportunity to come up with a lot of
templates for the Elephant in the room texts. I’ve created a free report that
includes 5 Elephant In The Room Texts you can use. You can download
this report by clicking here and subscribing to our emails.

Part 4 : Using Text Messages to Rebuild

Attraction, Connection and Trust
Once you’ve texted your ex for the first time and have received a positive
response, you need to start rebuilding attraction connection and trust with
your ex.

Texting is a great medium to do so when your ex still has leftover negative

feelings from the breakup and they don’t want to give you any false hope.

You probably have read a lot about texting from different articles on the
internet. You might have even come across some articles that claim to be
the best article on the internet. But if you notice, they will all give you a one
size fits all solution to texting your ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend.

The truth is, your ex is unique. Your relationship with your ex is unique.
What attraction means to them is unique. What chemistry means to them
is unique. What trust means to them is unique. What might work for

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someone else, will not necessarily work for you. So before you move
forward with this, you must understand your ex and what attraction,
connection and trust means to them.

Here’s how you go about doing this.

1. Building Attraction with text messages

You know your ex better than anyone else. What is it that your ex found
attractive in you in the first place?

Do you know how sometimes people say “He/She is not my type.”?

What do they mean by that?

Sure, sometimes it is referring to a physical quality of the person. They

may be referring to their height, weight, hair color, or skin color.

But in most cases, whenever someone says, “He/She is not my type”; they
are referring to that person’s personality.

It could have something to do with them being an introvert or an extrovert,

or it could have something to do with them being honest and trustworthy.
It could have something to do with them being active in sports or the fact
that they are an academic.

Different characteristics appeal to different people. You need to find out

what are the things that appealed most to your ex and what turned them
off.

For example, suppose your ex is an introvert and they don’t really care
about meeting new people and hanging out in social gathering.

And suppose you sent them a text like this.

“I just went out to this crazy party last night with a couple of friends. It was

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amazing and I wish you were there with me.”

Do you think that will make your ex more attracted to you?

When you send a message like that, you will probably turn them off
because you are forcing them to imagine themselves in a situation they
don’t find much appealing.

On the other hand, a message like this might be more appealing to an

introvert.

“I went to my uncle’s cabin over the weekend. We were surrounded by

birds, dense forest and we spent the weekend re-reading Harry Potter for
the fifth time and reenacting some scenes from it. It was amazing and I
wish you had been there.”

Imagine how this would make an introvert feel. You are displaying
qualities that you know your ex is attracted to. You are also making your ex
imagine what it would have been like being with you and spending time
with you. A message like this will earn you some attraction points from an
introvert.

You should be able to craft messages like this to display positive qualities
in you and at the same time making them imagine what it would be like
being with you.

But, you must take things slow. And you must be subtle about it. For
example, if they are an avid sports fan, you can’t just say something like
this.

“You know I’ve started watching NBA as well. If we get back together, we
can watch it together.”

That will definitely make your ex put their defenses back up and make
them think you are needy and a doormat.

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But you can do something like this.

You will not believe what just happened.

My aunt got me seats to an NBA game and I figured why not. My friend
and I went to the stadium and OMG. This was the best experience ever.
And now, I watch all the important games. I finally understood why you
spent so many nights stuck to the TV.

2. Building connection and trust using text

messages

You develop a connection and trust with someone you spend a lot of time
with. Go back to the beginning of your relationship with your ex. You
probably didn’t trust each other much and you didn’t feel a deep
connection. But as time went by, you started trusting each other and felt a
deep connection with each other.

Sometimes it takes months and sometimes it takes years to develop a

connection and trust with someone

There’s no two ways around it. Building connection and trust takes time. A
lot of time.

But the good news is that you and your ex already had a pretty solid
connection. You were both together for a long time and probably trusted
each other. There’s a good chance you both still feel a deep connection to
each other even after doing no contact for a while. And even after
everything has happened, a part of you will always trust each other.

So how do you capitalize on that?

You build connection and trust by being honest and vulnerable in a way
you have never been before.

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I know what you are thinking.

I desperately want my ex back, if I be honest about my

desperation, how can it build a connection with them?

Well, you don’t. If your honesty is coming out of desperation and

neediness, it’s going to backfire and you will probably push your ex away.

This is why I recommend again and again to take some time off, work on
yourself, learn to be happy, become confident, become a better version of
yourself, become You 2.0 before contacting your ex. This way, you can
truly be honest with them when you say that you are Okay with whatever
happens.

Let’s say your ex calls you out and asks you if you are texting them because
you hope to get back together. You might feel like a deer caught in
headlight.

So, what do you do? Do you lie? Do you ignore them? Do you be honest?

I recommend being honest. After all, you don’t want to build your new
relationship on lies and deceit. But honesty can work both in your
favor and against it.

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Here’s an example of a needy person being honest.

Honestly, I still want you back. I don’t think I can ever find someone like
you and I have been miserable without you.

And here’s an example of confident person being honest with their ex.

Honestly, a part of me does want to get back. But I am okay with whatever
happens. I understand why the breakup happened and have realized that it
was for the best. I am in a good place right now and to be honest, I am
texting you just because I miss speaking to you. I don’t have a goal or an
ulterior motive for texting you. I just want to see what happens.

See how that message doesn’t make it you look needy or desperate.
Moreover, this removes any pressure from your ex. In all possibility, they
also want to see where this goes considering you have changed quite a bit.
They know that they will not hurt you by leading you on because you are no
longer needy and desperate.

Here are a few other ways to be honest and vulnerable while building a
deep connection and trust with your ex.

– Speak about what you’ve learned during no contact.

– Speak about your insecurities and how you’ve let them ruin your
relationships in the past.

– Speak about how you truly feel about important things in life. Things like
life, religion, politics, relationships, love, life partner, career. (Note: If your
ex has an opposite view on one of these topics, it’s best to avoid them.)

– Encourage them to be vulnerable. When you are honest and vulnerable,

you encourage them to do the same. Conversations like this can turn
meaningful and eye opening for a lot of people.

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– When they speak, truly listen to them. Try to understand how they feel
and try to see things from their perspective.

– Ask them creative questions. Questions that make them think more
about themselves and can lead you to more meaningful conversations.

Here’s an example of using a creative question to start a conversation.

Hey, someone asked me an interesting question the other day. It made me

think a lot about my life. I want to ask you the same thing. Should I go
ahead?

If there is one thing you can change about how your career is going what
would it be?

Umm. I guess I will decide to start my own studio instead of working for
this soulless company.

You know, I always wanted to tell you to start your own studio. You are so
amazing at interior designing. Honestly, I think you would do great. What
do you think is stopping you from doing so?

I don’t know. I never really got the time to think about it. I always wanted
my own studio when I was in college. I guess I got complacent when I got a
job.

From here, you have an opening to talk about a lot of things. You can talk
about your or your ex’s dreams in college, about working at your job, about
business ownership, about arts or interior design, or about your own
insecurities at your job.

A Note on Rebuilding Trust

If you broke your ex’s trust during your relationship, then there’s a good
chance they won’t be open to rebuilding a connection with you unless you

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at least give them some hope that you can change. You must show them
that you are willing to do whatever it takes to rebuild their trust. And this
should start with a deep insight for your actions, your reasons behind those
actions and what you are doing to change that. You can read more about
this in this article.

You cannot rebuild trust by text messages alone. But you can start by being
vulnerable and honest. Refer to the checklist above on how to start being
vulnerable and honest with your ex.

Part 5: Moving on to phone calls and a date

Phone Calls

Texting is great when you are just starting to speak with your ex after doing
no contact. But it’s not nearly as good as a phone call or a face to face
meeting. You have a lot of advantage when you are on a phone call with
your ex. You get to speak to them as you would speak to a lover. You get to
listen to their voice and they get to listen to yours. You get to listen to their
tone and they get to listen to yours. You can develop a much deeper
connection because you are actually talking to your ex instead of just
texting.

I recommend that you try to get your ex on a call whenever you get the
opportunity.

For example, suppose you and your ex have been speaking regularly for a
while. You’ve decided you are ready to speak to them on the phone and you
want to take the plunge. You can use a simple excuse in between the
conversation.

And Nathan couldn’t balance himself and fell face first on the cake. I died
laughing.

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Hey, I am getting in the car to drive. I can’t stop laughing. Wanna get on a
call and continue this conversation?

*you call your ex*

See, how simple that was. The only thing that’s needed is for you to ask.
And now, you can actually laugh together instead of sending acronyms of a
phrase that says you are laughing (LOL).

You can also ask them to get on a call without any excuse. But before you
do that, you must be speaking to each other regularly and must have built
enough rapport with them. To ask them on a call just say something like.

Hey, wanna speak on the phone? I am kind of tired of typing.

Asking them out

Asking your ex out is a big move. Most exes are wary about going out with
their ex partners because they think this might give you the wrong signal
and make you put your hopes up. This is why you should not ask your ex
out until you have built enough connection, attraction and trust with them.

Before you ask your ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend out, you should be

speaking to them on the phone regularly and texting regularly for at least a
week.

In a lot of cases, your ex will ask you out after you’ve built enough
attraction and connection with them. But if they don’t, you can use this
simple template to ask them out.

Hey, I’ll be in [area near your ex’s house or office] tomorrow, wanna catch
up for coffee?

Keep it simple and don’t pressure your ex. If they say they are not sure, just
give them a gentle push without making it look like you are forcing them.

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For example,

I am not sure if that’s a good idea.

Come on. It’s just coffee.

Umm, alright. I’ll see you at 6.

It’s very important that you don’t call it a date. Using words like “Catching
up” or “Hang out” is a good idea.

If you wanna be adventurous, you can even ask them out on very specific
dates like shopping, a concert, a book reading or a sports event. But all that
is a bit advanced and doesn’t really fall in this topic. After all, this article is
just about using texts to get your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend back. And
we’ve already covered quite a bit into that.

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