Revising Business Messages: Essentials of Business Communication 9e

Chapter 4
Revising Business Messages
Essentials of
Business
Communication 9e
Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy

© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved
The Writing Process
Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 2
Phase 3
of the
Writing
Process
Phase 3: Revising
Improving content and

sentence structure
Revising May involve adding,
cutting, and reformatting.
Correcting grammar,
Proofreading spelling, punctuation,
format, and mechanics.
Phase 3: Revising
The Goals of Business Writing:

▪ Conciseness
▪ Clarity
▪ Directness
▪ Readability
Revising for Conciseness
Reject redundancies.
What words could be omitted in these
expressions?
advance warning necessary requisite

close proximity new beginning

exactly identical past history
filled to capacity refer back
final outcome serious danger
Revising for Conciseness
Reject redundancies.
What words could be omitted in these
expressions?
advance warning necessary requisite

close proximity new beginning

exactly identical past history
filled to capacity refer back
final outcome serious danger
Revising for Clarity
Avoid slang—informal expressions with
arbitrary or extravagantly changed
meanings.
Slang Alternatives
awesome great, amazing

chill/chill out relax
cool good
Revising for Readability
Employ white space.
▪ Empty space on a page is called white space.
▪ A page filled with text/graphics appears busy and unreadable.
▪ To increase white space, use
▪ Headings
▪ Bullets
▪ Short paragraphs
▪ Effective margins
Choose appropriate typefaces.
Serif typefaces have small features at the end of strokes.
Times New Roman
Century
Georgia
Palatino
Choose appropriate typefaces.
Sans serif typefaces are cleaner without features. They are
useful for headings, signs, and non continuous reading material.
Arial
Tahoma
Verdana
Calibri
Capitalize on type fonts and sizes.
Font style: a specific style (such as italic, boldface, underline,

ALL CAPS) within a typeface family (such as Arial).
Font size: measured in points
▪ Most readers are comfortable with 10- to 12-point type for body
text.
▪ Larger font size is appropriate for titles and headings.
Use numbered and bulleted lists.
Break up complex information into smaller chunks to ensure rapid
comprehension.
▪ Numbered lists: Use for sequences.
▪ Bulleted lists: Use for items that don’t require a certain order.
▪ Capitalize the first word of each item.

▪ Add end punctuation only to items that are complete sentences.
▪ Make each item parallel.
Use numbered lists for items that don’t
require a certain order.
Poor: Improved:
We want to hire a We want to hire a marketing
marketing assistant who assistant with these
has good qualifications:

communication skills, • Good communication
experience with Excel, skills.
and a 4 year BBA • Excel experience.
degree.
• 4 year BBA degree.
Use bulleted lists for instructions.
Poor: Improved:
To clean the printer, you To clean the printer, do
should do the following. the following:
First, you should

disconnect the power 1. Disconnect the power
cord. Then you open the cord.
front cover, and the 2. Open the front cover.
printer area should be
cleaned with a soft cloth. 3. Clean the printer with
a soft cloth.
Add headings for visual impact.
Poor: Improved:
On April 3 we will be in Date City Speaker
Dhaka, and the speaker is
April 3 Dhaka Tonmoy
Tonmoy. On May 20 we
will be in Khulna, and the May 20 Khulna Shumona
speaker is Shumona.
Use paragraph headings to improve
organization and readability.
Poor: Improved:
The next topic is Vacations. A new vacation
vacations. A new vacation schedule will be

schedule will be announced on May 1.
announced on July 1.
Training. To assist
To assist employees, we employees, we will begin a
will begin a training training schedule in the
schedule in the fall. fall.
Improving Readability
Poor: Improved:
In the next training The next training session will
session, the trainer will demonstrate the following:
demonstrate how to
•
Creating PowerPoint
create PowerPoint, how
to use Office
• Using Office SharePoint
SharePoint, and how to
• Building Excel directories
build Excel directories.
Improving Readability (Practice)
Poor: Improved:
In preparing for an employment You can prepare for interviews by
interview, you should begin by doing the following:
studying the job description. Itemizing • Study the job description.
• Itemize your most
your most strategic skills and

qualifications is also important. Giving strategic skills and
responses in a mock interview is qualifications.
another good practice technique. • Practice giving responses
in a mock interview.
Revising for Vigor and Directness
Unbury verbs.
Revise verbs that have been converted to
nouns.
Look for words ending in

Tip tion or ment. Could they
be more efficiently and
forcefully converted to verbs?
Unbury verbs.
Poor: Improved:
The manager came to the The manager realized
realization that social that social networking
networking made sense. made sense.
A job seeker must make

A job seeker must
application before May 1.
apply before May 1.
Unbury verbs.
Poor: Improved:
Once we have the Once we establish a
establishment of a Web Web site, our business
site, our business will grow. will grow.
Please give serious Please seriously

consideration to a consider a company
company carpool. carpool.
Poor: Improved:
Hiring managers actually show a Hiring managers prefer
total preference for a well written well written resume.
resume.
Please make an assessment of the Please assess the

employee’s performance. employee’s performance.
Ananya made a suggestion that we Ananaya suggested that

hire Lina. we hire Lina.
Phase 3: Proofreading
What to watch for in proofreading:
▪ Spelling
▪ Grammar
▪ Punctuation
▪ Names and numbers
▪ Format
END
Essentials of
Business
Communication 9e
Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy


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Chapter 4

Revising Business Messages

Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy

Improving content and

The Goals of Business Writing:

advance warning necessary requisite

close proximity new beginning

advance warning necessary requisite

close proximity new beginning

awesome great, amazing

Font style: a specific style (such as italic, boldface, underline,

▪ Capitalize the first word of each item.

has good qualifications:

First, you should

vacations. A new vacation schedule will be

your most strategic skills and

Look for words ending in

networking made sense. made sense.

A job seeker must make

site, our business will grow. will grow.

Please give serious Please seriously

Please make an assessment of the Please assess the

Ananya made a suggestion that we Ananaya suggested that

Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy

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