MANIPULATION

6 books in one

This book includes:

Dark Psychology, How to Analyze People, Influence

People, Emotional Intelligence, Narcissist, Empath

Master the Latest NLP, Persuasion and Manipulation

Techniques
Dark Psychology
Introduction
Chapter 1:What is Dark Psychology?
The Impact and Effects of Dark Psychology
Secret 1: Certain personalities are prone to dark acts
Secret 2: Dark psychology triggers a sense of loss among victims
Secret 3: Experiencing dark psychology acts triggers psychological
disorders
Secret 4: Victims develop avoidance as a shield
Secret 5: We are all prone to dark emotions
Secret 6: The need for connections makes us vulnerable to dark
psychology
Chapter 2:Analyzing Dark Psychology
Manipulation
Secret 7: The art of manipulation as human nature.
Secret 8: There is always a reason for manipulation
Secret 9: Lying is part of the manipulation
Secret 10: Manipulators practice humiliation
Secret 11: The art of evasion
Secret 12: Rationalization
Secret 13: The art of seduction
Secret 14: Self-promotion
Hypnosis
Secret 15: Inducing a trance state
Secret 16: Power of suggestion
Secret 17: Conditioning
Secret 18: Create false memories
Secret 19: Induce hallucinations
Secret 20: Unwanted telepathy
Secret 21: Use of objects
Deception
Secret 22: Pretense
Secret 23: Concealment
Secret 24: Propaganda
Secret 25: Sex and affection
Secret 26: Distraction
 Secret 27: Fraud
Secret 28: Omission
Reverse psychology
Secret 29: Rebellion
Secret 30: Choice
Secret 31: Desire
Secret 32: Pretense
Secret 33: Power of understanding
Secret 34: Discussion
Secret 35: Unavailability
Problematic behavior
Secret 36: Human nature
Secret 37: Evil
Secret 38: Camouflage
Secret 39: Substance abuse
Secret 40: Justification
Secret 41: Sexual favors
Secret 42: Social acceptance
Chapter 3:Mind Control
What is Mind Control?
Mind control models
Hardwired model
Neuro-linguistic programming model
Environmental control model
Secret 43: Identifying the necessity
Secret 44: Reality denial
Secret 45: Love bombing
Secret 46: Long con
Secret 47: Graduality
Secret 48: Leading questions
Secret 49: Law of transference
Secret 50: Restricting choice
Mind Control Techniques
Neuro-Linguistic programming technique
Secret 51: Rapport
Secret 52: Pacing and leading
Secret 53: Pacing and dragging
 Secret 54: Physiology is a really strong tool
Secret 55: Sensory modalities and sub-modalities
Secret 56: Value elicitation
Secret 57: Emotional elicitation
Behavioral conditioning
Secret 58: Goal setting
Secret 59: Mindfulness in administering punishment.
Secret 61: Gradual rewarding
Secret 62: Praise is a lubricant
Social pressure and social influence
Secret 63: Have a clearly set goal that you want them to achieve
Secret 64: Create a shared experience with the mob
Secret 65: Take note of the emotional state of the group
Secret 66: Try to isolate the person who seems to be leading the group
Secret 67: Keep the group united
Secret 68: Slogans and tagline
Mind Control Steps
Secret 69: You are not the same person as your mistakes
Secret 70: The tilted register trick
Secret 71: The Russian game
Secret 72: A handshake that is used to interrupt people
Secret 73: Enchantment
Secret 74: Mystical manipulation
Secret 75: Confessions and testimonies
Dangers of Using Mind Control: Secret 76
Chapter 4:Persuasion Methods
Priming the mindset
Secret 77: Schema
Secret 78: Our surrounding
Secret 79: Positive and negative feelings
Secret 80: Triggering perception
Secret 81: Motivate your target to participate
Secret 82: Priming versatility
Secret 83: Initiate acquiescence towards your request
Anchoring perception
Secret 84: Numerical anchors
Secret 85: Anchoring and judgment heuristics
 Secret 86: The contrast effect
Secret 87: The door-in-the-face technique
Secret 88: Creating expectations
Secret 89: Reversing expectations
Secret 90: Molding the perception you desire
Secret 91: Initial perception is critical
Secret 92: Perception of motivation
Secret 93: Altering expectations
Chapter 5:Learning to Take Control
Learning from pacesetters
Secret 94: Playing the gallery
Secret 95: Read people’s minds with ease
Secret 96: Developing a connection
Secret 97: The power theory
How to Ethically Use Dark Psychology
Secret 98: Moral sensitivity
Secret 99: Moral judgment
Secret 100: The morality of the objective (motivation)
Secret 101: Moral character
Conclusion
How to Analyze People
Introduction
Chapter 1: Personality Types
Extroversion
Neuroticism
Conscientiousness
Openness
Easy Way to Access Personality Types
Chapter 2: Discover the Inner World of People
The Inner World
How Does the Inner World Affect People’s Thoughts and Actions?
The Six Basic Human Needs
Certainty
Variety
Significance
 Love and Connection
Growth
Contribution
Prioritizing Human Needs
Chapter 3: Speed Reading Body Language
The Secrets of Non-Verbal Communication
Chapter 4: How to Recognize Who is Lying to You
Gesture
The Mouth Cover
The Nose Touch
The Eye Rub
The Ear Grab
Neck Scratch and Other Body Parts
Change in Breathing and the Collar Pull
The Position Change of the Head
Feet Shuffling, Holding a Stare and Standing Still
Facial Expressions
The Eyes
Blushing
Smiling
Microexpressions
Speech
The Direction of the Eyes
Voice Change
Word Choice
Liars Repeat a Question Verbatim
Liars Take a Guarded Tone
Liars Use Non-Contacted Words in Their Denial
Use of Strict Chronology
Euphemisms
Liars Overemphasize Their Truthfulness
Liars Tend to Avoid Pronouns
Liars Hedge Their Statements
Liars Use Long Introductions and Skip Main Events
Speech Patterns
Chapter 5: Body Language for Seduce
 How the Body Language Seduction Does Occur?
Chapter 6: Body Language for Sell
Chapter 7: Body Language for Negotiation
Chapter 8: Body Language for Public Speaking
Power Pose
Eye Contact
Hand Gestures
Movement
Expression
Mannerisms
Breathing
Voice
Conclusion
Influence People
Introduction
Chapter 1: Starting and Retaining a Conversation
Starting a Conversation
Grin
Open Arms
Forward Lean
Contact/Touch
Eye to Eye Connection
Nod in Agreement
Listen and Be Attentive to Learn What You Should Say
Ask Significant Follow-up Inquiries
Use Models
Envision
Conclude
Be Effectively Involved
Note the Iceberg Articulations
Ask Simple to-Respond to Inquiries
The Ideal Time to Present Yourself
Closed and Open Ritual Inquiries
Chapter 2: How to Gain Trust
How to Gain Trust
 Keep Your Word
Deliver Expectations
Follow Instructions
Trust Yourself
Trusting Yourself Helps in Empowering Your Soul
Being Friendly
Being Approachable
Master Friendly Conversations
Engaging with Empathy
Focusing on Your Friend
Cultivating Empathy
Access Affinity
Throwdown a Challenge
Chapter 3: How to Maintain Trust
Own Your Mistakes
Avoid Arguments
Support Noble Motive
Chapter 4: The Only Rules in the Digital Age
Show Interest in What Others Like
Engage in Meaningful Discussions that Matter to Other People
Retain Connection
Chapter 5: How to Make Enemies
How to Avoid Making Enemies in the Digital Age
Show Interest in Others
Encourage Expression of Ideas
Be Kind
Maintain Boundaries
Suggest a Break
Remain Cool
Look at the Other Person Perspective
Avoid Being Defensive
Involve Third Parties
Chapter 6: You Do Not Need Authority to Influence People
Using Emails and Online Chat Rooms to Influence People and Make
Friends
Five Standard Procedures for Better Email
 Engaging in Discussion and Making Friends Using Chat Rooms
What Precisely Is a Chat Room?
Online Chatting Requires "Chatiquette"
Rules and Regulations When You Visit Talk Rooms
Try Not to Be Timid About Hopping into the Online Talk
Do Recollect That You Are Conversing with Individuals
Try Not to Affront Different Individuals from the Gathering
Do Peruse FAQS
Try Not to Own Expressions You Can't Back Up
Do Address Your Chatiquette Goofs
Visit Rooms Are Platforms to Begin Discussions and Make New
Friendships
Online Discussions Need to Concentrate on Individuals
Utilize Support and Positive Input: Don't Condemn
Fun-Loving Prodding Is a Solid Method to Pass on Emotions and
Dispositions
Methodology for Managing Put-Downs
Try Not to Lose Your Comical Inclination
Put-Downs Can Be a Trial of Your Fearlessness
Ask Open-Finished Inquiries to Discover the Genuine Explanation
Behind Put-Downs
The Other Individual May Have Some Exceptionally Substantial Things
to Point Out
The Most ideal Approach to Get What You Need Is to Request It
Straightforwardly
Individuals Can’t Guess What You Might Be Thinking
“What Do You Need from Me?”
More Than Smart Correspondence
Conclusion
Emotional Intelligence
Introduction
Chapter 1: What Is Emotional Intelligence?
Assessing Your Emotional Intelligence
Behaving Like an Emotionally Intelligent Person
Thinking like an Emotionally Intelligent Person
Feeling like an Emotionally Intelligent Person
Chapter 2: The Essentials of Emotional Intelligence
The Science Behind Emotional Intelligence
Becoming Aware of Your Emotions
How to Manage Your Emotions
Understanding the Importance of Empathy
Learning to Manage Other People’s Emotions
Chapter 3: Applying Emotional Intelligence at Work
Applying Emotional Intelligence During College Education
Fostering Emotional Intelligence in Your Workplace
How to Become an Emotionally Intelligent Leader
Emotional Intelligence for Success
Chapter 4: Applying Emotional Intelligence at Home
Developing an Emotionally Intelligent Relationship
Applying Emotional Intelligence in Parenting
Raising Emotionally Intelligent Children
Chapter 5: Leadership and Emotional Intelligence: A Growing
Relationship
Leadership and Emotional Intelligence: A Growing Relationship
How to Build the Relationship
Transactional and Transformational Leadership Theories
Developing Emotional Intelligence Skills in Leaders
Self-Awareness
Self-Regulation
Motivation
Empathy
Social Skills
Relationship Management
Leadership Development and Emotional Intelligence
Formal Training
Developmental Job Assignment
360-Degree Feedback
Coaching
Self-Directed Learning
Chapter 6: Importance of Understanding Emotional Intelligence
Ways to Improve Emotional Intelligence
Be Confident in Communication
 Responding to Conflict Instead of Reacting to It
Be an Active Listener
Have a Motivation
Embrace Ways That Will Help You Maintain a Positive Attitude
Have Great Sense of Self-Awareness
Respond Well to Criticism
Have Empathy
Make Good Use of Leadership Skills
Make Sure You Are Approachable and Sociable
Take It Easy
Conclusion
Narcissist
Introduction
Chapter 1: The Weapons of a Narcissist
Love bombing
Narcissists use fear as a weapon to attack their victims
How narcissist use social media as their weapon
Unappreciative weapon
How narcissist uses the silent treatment as their weapon
Using sex as a weapon
Chapter 2: Why Are Narcissists So Attractive?
The leadership and authority facets
Are Narcissists Really More Popular at First Sight?
Chapter 3: Targets of Narcissists
Empaths
Boundaries
Self-Judgment
Declining Self-Esteem
Projective Identification
Reacting to Projective Identification
Why are narcissists attracted to Empaths?
Codependents
INFJ personality type
Why the INFJ Is a Target of Narcissists
How INFJs Can Shield Themselves from Narcissists
 How INFJs Can Liberate Themselves from Harmful Individuals
Chapter 4: Dangerous Traits of Narcissists
5 toxic narcissistic subtypes and their traits
The Overt Narcissist
The Situational Narcissist
Covert narcissist
The Passive-Aggressive Narcissist
The Sexual narcissist
Chapter 5: Healing Your Heart after Abuse
Getting started with healing
Take the leap
Adopt grounding systems and self-calming techniques
Allow yourself to lament and be irate
Seek professional help
Implement the zero contact rule
Work on your confidence
Incredible compassion
Becoming a role model for others
Accepting that time mends all injuries
Chapter 6: Become Immune to Narcissism
Understand Who a Narcissist Really is
Becoming resistant to narcissism
Conclusion
Empath
Introduction
Chapter 1: Who is an Empath, and What is Empathy?
Types of Empaths
Emotional Empaths
Medical Empaths
Geomantic Empaths
Plant Empaths
Animal Empaths
Clair Cognizant Empaths
Intellectual Empaths
The Science of Empathy
 Areas of Life Empathy Affects
Advantages and Disadvantages of Being an Empath
Advantages of Being an Empathy
Disadvantages
Chapter 2: A Guide to Empathy for Empaths
A Guide to Emotions and Why They Manifest
Manifestations of Emotions in the Body
Be Aware of What the Manipulator Has in Store for You
Listen to Your Instincts and Feelings
Seek a third opinion
RedifineYour Relationship
Evaluate Yourself
Confront Them
How to Secure Yourself
Developing Emotional and Social Intelligence
Allow Time for Yourself and Time to Emotionally Unwind
Practice Guerilla Meditation
Honor and Respect Your Empathy
Exploit a More Confident Way of Communication
Respond Instead of Reacting to Conflict
Employ Active Listening Skills
Be Motivated
Maintain a Positive Attitude
Practice Self-Awareness
Learn How to Positively Take Critiques
Being Approachable and Sociable
Gain Leadership Skills
Empathy
Developmental Perspectives on Empathy
Chapter 3: Thriving as an Empath
Skills to Suppress
The Protection Strategy
Strategies to Combat Toxic Energy
Chapter 4: Empaths, Health, and Emotions
Stop Absorbing Other People’s Distress
Are You an Emotional or Physical Empath?
 Emotional Empath
Physical Empath
Empaths and Medication
Chapter 5: Empathetic Relationships
People Can Also Learn Ways on How to Control Their Empathetic
Nature
Social Intuition
Self-Awareness
Understanding Emotional Compatibility and Its Importance
Recognizing Your Intimacy Zones
Chapter 6: Surviving Manipulation, Mind Control and Narcissism
Recognize a Narcissist
Symptoms of Narcissism
Coping with a Narcissist
Recognize Manipulation
Recognize Mind Control
Conclusion
 DARK PSYCHOLOGY
101 Secrets to Protect Yourself from
Manipulation and Ethically Influence People by
using the Most Updated NLP Techniques, Mind
Control, and Persuasion
 INTRODUCTION
Congratulations on purchasing Dark Psychology, and thank you for doing so.

The following chapters will discuss the core aspects of dark psychology and
how people can use it to influence others positively and trigger their growth
to heights they only envisioned. This entails understanding how to separate
and recognize the truth , how to know what people around you are thinking,
and above all, how to manipulate people ethically in order to get what you
need from them to propel your success.

The truth is that we have all either applied dark psychology or been victims
of dark psychology at some point in life without realizing it. This book will
help you understand more than just the meaning of dark psychology but also
the but also, human behavior basics by taking you to an in-depth journey of
understanding the dark actions of the human mind as well as provide
insightful 101 secrets of how dark psychology is applied and how you can
apply the same ethically.
Dark psychology has always been talked about in low tones because people
believe that nothing positive can be attributed to it. But, it is possible to use
the different dark psychology aspects to manipulate people positively to
ensure that you succeed in life as well as influence them to do better in life so
as to achieve their goals as well. An open discussion about this topic is of
importance, especially among people who do not believe in themselves and
envy the people who have made it in society. This is because the society
elites’ who always apply different dark psychology aspects in order to
command respect and envy form their societal minions. The minions, in this
case, wish that they could achieve just half what the elites have achieved
oblivious of the fact that they are being manipulated into boosting the elites
to even greater heights. Ethical dark psychology is applied to protect oneself
from manipulation by elites and influence people to offer favors through
persuasion.
There are plenty of books on this subject on the market, thanks again for
choosing this one! Every effort was made to ensure it is full of as much
useful information as possible, and please enjoy it!
 CHAPTER 1: WHAT IS
DARK PSYCHOLOGY?
The brain is one of the most dynamic human elements. The working of the
brain is something that, as long as we can remember, has fascinated and
disturbed the human race. The secrets of the mind are revealed by
philosophers, psychologists, and scientists. It is generally believed that our
conduct and our acts were affected by the human mind. So much research has
been done to learn the mental process a person undergoes, whether good or
bad, before acting.

Many attempts to research the human mind based on the brain have been
made. Such experiments investigate the physical aspects of the brain, with an
emphasis on the collection, processing, perception, and storage of data.
Ultimately, we hope to understand more precisely how the brain can
influence a person's thoughts. These are research that has paved the way for
developments in the treatment of conditions such as Alzheimer's, vision
disorders, and even memory loss.

Psychology is the more well-known aspect of human mind research. We have

met a therapist at some point in our lives and known somebody who had to
see one in order to fight the toughest emotional battles. Life experiences
many times damage us in ways that we cannot repair ourselves. Sometimes a
breakup is the product of some of our parents ' biological markers. Emotions
such as stress, anxiety, and insecurity are making it difficult to survive in our
daily experiences. Fortunately, we are able to protect ourselves from the
darkness inside through a combination of drugs and therapy.

But what about other people's darkness? We all have the potential to do great
good, but we are also capable of doing great harm. Underlying emotions like
sorrow, depression, joy is a deep desire which can intentionally injure others
if those drives are not managed. Such darker impulses are embedded in
earlier instincts, such as our flight and battle response, which encourages our
survival. There is only one word sometimes that defines the reply of man to
these dark emotions - poor.

Dark psychology is a study of the emotional nature of people as they are

exposed to other people. In the layman’s sense, dark psychology explores the
human nature aspect that causes us to take deliberate and willing action that
harms our fellow human beings. Bear in mind that the use of prey does not
necessarily mean the physical harm of an individual, but there is a branch of
dark psychology entirely dedicated to this.

In the next chapters, we will explore these areas briefly to gain a better grasp
of the subject.

You can find words or phrases that allude to "darkness inside" in films or
books. This was also alluded to by some of the most prominent philosophers.
The respected book of the Christians speaks of the "desperately evil heart of
man." We all noticed one person whom we identified as extremely quiet or
socially reserved only to perpetrate an act so devious for the same reason that
it was difficult for us to link this act to them. We're that guy sometimes. It's
not completely unexpected, as surprising as it may be. Such events are only
caused by external responses. We usually withdraw if a command is
exercised. All of them have a hidden propensity to be a little unwanted or just
evil if they push the right buttons. On the other hand, many people control
these dark emotions completely. They water it, clean it, and happily release it
at the expense of someone else if it serves their own purposes.

Such feelings are sometimes tanned from an early age. A child learns that the
adults in their lives enthusiastically react when they weep in a certain way. If
the parents don't realize the child's wrongness early enough, the child grows
up and thinks that people can exploit others in order to do their job. The
weeping would no longer be a tool but would continue to exploit others. So,
it becomes necessary to regulate what started with innocent childish behavior.

The period of the exercise of control by this person determines the strength of
his actions. Dark psychology is about researching a person’s thinking
process. This attempts to understand how these actions are guided by the
patterns shown before these acts are done and how a person can willingly see
these acts and conclude by understanding the hurt and pain that they can
cause another person. Dark psychology explains human nature's dark side.
 THE IMPACT AND
EFFECTS OF DARK
PSYCHOLOGY
The depth of dark psychology shows us that most of the shocking crimes we
get to hear about can be attributed to particular traits that are related to dark
psychology. Crime is one of the greatest side effects of dark psychology, but
there are other ways in which dark psychology affects us if it ever does. Both
the victim and the perpetrator experience the effects of dark psychology when
they appear.

Secret 1: Certain Personalities are Prone to Dark Acts

People who portray some given personality are said to be dark. These
personalities are - narcissism, psychopath, and Machiavellianism. People
with these personalities have difficulties in all their relationships, and people
who have all these traits together are prone to indulging in crimes.

Narcissists have a sense of entitlement and superiority; they are envious of

other people’s success and often exploit others. Psychopaths have no guilt.
They will do anything and not feel sorry about it. They lack empathy and
have destructive impulsive behavior, they have an ego so deep, and they
never accept responsibility. Machiavellian is selfish, ruthless, and
manipulative. People with these personalities create problems both
individually and when brought together. Personality affects how these people
relate to other people. These people are likely to perform poorly at their
workplace. This is because they do not have a good relationship with their
colleagues thus affecting their workflow. They are also impulsive and may
end up making uninformed decisions that are not professional if gauged from
an administrative capacity. Their colleagues tend to dislike them, too due to
their poor character. These people are most likely to get involved in corporate
crime besides having poor relationships at work.
In social relationships, people with these personalities tend to encounter
multiple problems with their partners or spouses. Some of these issues are -
they are not self-validated; thus, they expect their partners to keep validating
them and giving them attention. This can be tedious to the spouse, and this
result in splitting even before the relationship is old enough. These people use
physical and emotional blackmails towards their partners in an attempt to
manipulate them. They tend to be abusive either physically, emotionally or
verbally to either their partners or children. Their partners have a very hard
time relating to them, and they go through tough emotional torture. Such
relationships may rob your sanity, and you should avoid being in such a
relationship. If people who are close to you experience such characteristics in
their spouses or are in abusive relationships, you should try to help them
liberate themselves for the sake of their sanity and general wellbeing. You
should recommend psychological help, or you should help the person going
through it to get better and go through it.

For the people with these psychological issues, it does not matter how deep
they are rooted in them. If they desire, they can overcome them. This can be
done by intentionally working on improving your character and the
experiences you have had. Seek the right kind of therapy to coach you out of
it. In the journey of healing, the most important thing to do is first to
acknowledge that you have a problem and admit you need help. The people
who have encountered people with these psychological traits are usually
emotionally and mentally drained. At times, the effects of the trauma can be
either physical or fatal.

Secret 2: Dark Psychology Triggers a Sense of Loss

Dark psychology victims tend to lose a lot from home, business, finances,
jobs, among other things. All these materials are nothing compared to the loss
one incurs emotionally and mentally. You become affected just as the
perpetrator, even though you are on the receiving end. The effect goes
beyond the victim and the perpetrator and runs over to the people
surrounding them. They might not feel the loss directly, but somehow they
are also affected. People who go through these experiences can either die or
lose their sanity completely to their experiences. That means to lose to the
people who care about the person.
The people surrounding the victim become skeptical of strangers, and this, at
times, affects even their own relationships. They develop a fear that their
spouses might turn out to be like the perpetrator. One of the major effects of
dark psychology is the way it leaves one with a sense of loss. We tend to lose
our possessions, relationships and most painful is when we lose ourselves.
There are people who get even to the extreme of losing their lives. In all
consideration, we can conclude by saying that dark psychology is very
dangerous and its impacts cut deep.

Secret 3: Experiencing Dark Psychology Acts Triggers

Psychological Disorders
Research has shown that people with the one personality trait of dark
psychology will, at some point, exhibit all the other traits. Supposing a great
number of people in the society portray any of the traits and then exhibit all
the others, this would translate to a society that I unsafe. This is because
crime levels are likely to rise in a society where their greater numbers of
people have psychological disorders. However, we cannot use this research to
conclude that people who live in countries or cities where crime is at top-
notch do not have sanity nor have people who have these personality traits.
Neither can we rule out the possibility of the same notion?

Dark psychology has very severe effects on persons who directly relate to the
experiences and situations of the perpetrator. Sometimes the victim goes
through dire problems that they may end up becoming predators too. This
cycle of dark psychology may, therefore, be continuous over generations or
get passed from one person to the other. This cycle can, however, be
terminated by one person or rather a victim who would gather courage
enough to set themselves free. An example is that most children who grew up
in abusive families become abusers. Those who think their childhood was not
appropriate and tend to look for ways of liberating themselves always find
themselves codependent to an abuser. So in one way or another, they end up
in abuse.

The people who have gone through abuse tend to have a high affinity of
abuse and abusers. They identify with elements that tend to appear like the
home they grew up in. Other people, due to the hardships and trauma they
went through, they tend to lose their consciousness and just something inside
of them snaps. They tend to lose their normal instincts and act purely on the
strongest emotions that surface, which most likely is anger. It leads to some
people experiencing temporal insanity. Dark emotions also affect people’s
morality and how they react to situations.

Secret 4: Victims Develop Avoidance as a Shield

People who have experienced abuse first hand in the hands of people with
these personalities tend to shy away from getting to other relationships. They
use avoidance or escape as a way out of harm. This does not help them solve
anything; in fact, they become more vulnerable and likely to fall for another
abuser. They strive to help themselves out of harm and further abuse, but it
proves to bear no fruits. The early experiences already have affected their
sanity and response to the issue. Victims of these people with personality
disorder tend to have low self-esteem since they were demeaned strongly by
their perpetrator. This could lead them to have low morale towards life and
may even lead them to be suicidal.

Secret 5: We are all Prone to Dark Emotions

At some point, everyone has encountered a person who they have held with
high esteem do something that was uncalled for. Maybe the person, according
to your description, was calm and collected. Maybe the person is actually
yourself, and you found yourself doing something you could not have done in
all sanity. One of these cases is as a result of triggered responses to external
situations. There are people who are in full control of dark emotions. They
keep nurturing them, and when they feel like the time is right or the
opportunity that would serve their own purpose has arrived, they unleash the
emotions at the expense of an innocent person. So someone who goes
through such is most likely to expose emotions that are hidden in the pain of
their experiences.

Secret 6: The Need for Connections Make us Vulnerable to

Dark Psychology
People who experience abuse not only suffer mentally but physically as well.
They experience problems in feeding, loss of appetite, and insomnia. They
lose track of time and the touch of reality. They get to experience early onset
paranoia. It is natural for any human being to need to connect with other
people. The need for connection makes everyone vulnerable to abuse since
we really do not know the reasons behind people’s connections to us. Some
people have genuine intentions of making real and good relations while
others seek to use other people for personal gain. This makes people who
have gone through prior abuse get even more confused about whom to relate
with. It is also true that people who are isolated are more likely to develop
psychological issues this placing them on a pedestal of choices that do not
seem to favor them in any way.
 CHAPTER 2: ANALYZING
DARK PSYCHOLOGY
Manipulation
Manipulating someone can be defined as controlling somebody to do as you
wish without their consent. However, manipulation conjoined with good
intentions can come as a blessing, but when the intention used is wicked, it
then becomes disastrous. Manipulators, however, don't just go for anyone as
their prey they first do their research and identify certain traits in people that
make them vulnerable to manipulation. Manipulators tend to go for people
with low self-esteem, the lonely, and the ones who are so eager to please
others. These elements make it best for manipulators to use them as their
prey. Manipulators tend to identify them preys weakness, which will be later
used to manipulate them. Manipulators also go for people who are
materialistic and greedy. A person who loves material wealth for example
money would easily do anything for money. This makes them vulnerable to
manipulators.

Secret 7: The Art of Manipulation as Human Nature

It is human nature to manipulate people for their benefits, and in one way or
another, we have all manipulated someone for some reason only known to us.
Manipulation is done for many reasons. A good example will be someone in
an office setting who feels fatigued and does not want to ask permission from
their bosses. The person, after going home, sends a message to their employer
for sick leave the next day. This person is not at all sick but has used sickness
to manipulate the employer into giving them a day off work. Manipulation of
this kind is not at all entirely bad, and therefore it is good to identify between
good and bad manipulation. When faced with an unpleasant situation or an
emergency that you feel you don't need to attend to, you might find yourself
manipulating someone else into attending to the situation on your behalf.
This is not at all entirely bad. This is part of our nature and changing this
would be a bit hard for all of us. However, when manipulation becomes
psychological, things tend to get a little bit darker. This is because it entails
playing with somebody's thoughts and emotions with well-calculated tactics
like being abusive to the person or deceiving the person. In a case where
there is psychological manipulation the victim is not given any option but has
to comply with the manipulator and do whatever they want. Here the victim
does not have a say; they are left with no choice than to do what is being
requested of them.

Secret 8: There Is Always a Reason for Manipulation

People who engage in psychological manipulation have a reason as to why
they do so. There are many things that would lead someone to engage in this
hideous act, for example, for material gain, revenge, self-pleasure, and so on.

Manipulators always feel they need to be in control of everything and be on

top of everyone. They feel no one can beat them to their own game. A
manipulator in an intimate relationship always ensures that they are the ones
that have the last say on everything. They always have a way of getting their
partners to do what they want. Some manipulators love manipulating other
people for fun. They don't have anything to do, and they use other people to
have fun and pass the time. Others love to see people do their work for them.
They love manipulating other people and forcing them to do their work as
they rest or engage in other matters they deem more important. Some
manipulators are just jealous, and they love to see people getting hurt for
their self-pleasure. They drive people into doing awful things so that they
would feel psychologically satisfied.

Secret 9: Lying Is Part of the Manipulation

This has to be the best tactic that manipulators use. They come up with huge
stories that might not even be true to trick others into believing them. Some
people have mastered the art of lying, and it is very hard to notice when they
are telling the truth or when they are lying. A self-centered person, for
example, might use the art of lying to manipulate someone into a relationship
for their gain. They will show love to their partner and always be at their feet
when they need them. After achieving what they want and the partner is truly
into the relationship, they now show their true colors, and with the awareness
of the partner or not, they push into doing what brought them into the
relationship in the first place. The manipulator might have wanted their
partner's wealth and might trick the partner into signing up legal property
documents as a show of love to them. After the signing is done, the
manipulator will now change; this is where the partner realizes that he or she
was manipulated into giving out their wealth without their knowledge.

Secret 10: Manipulators Practice Humiliation

Manipulators do not like being questioned for their mistakes. Therefore, most
of them use the art of humiliation or embarrassment to put you off and make
you look bad. They are not to be trusted with your secrets as they can easily
spill them out to the world at the slightest provocation. A good example
would be a school setting where a teacher is abusing another teacher, and
how the abuser would turn the tables to make the other teacher look bad,
leaving them not guilty before the eyes of the other teachers. The victim feels
very humiliated and embarrassed because, in the end, it is told that he or she
was to blame for what happened. With the manipulator's art of humiliation,
nobody will listen to the other teacher's side of the story, and they will all
conclude that this teacher was the one in the wrong.

Secret 11: The Art of Evasion

Most manipulators, when confronted about their character or behavior - often
tend to change the topic or try to avoid the topic. They don't like being
questioned, and hence, they give out answers that do not have any meaning.
This is because they do not want their true colors to be known. They want to
keep the spotlight off of them. They would redirect your focus to something
else so that you can stop questioning them. This is because they feel insecure
when they are under attack, and therefore, they use the art of evasion as a
way of manipulating and controlling you into focusing on something else.

Secret 12: Rationalization

Manipulators tend to use excuses for an act committed to make it look good
or not intended. They tend to make their behavior match up with their stories.
Rationalization tends to make the act look good or plausible. They are then
able to get away with what they did, whether it was intentional or not. They
make an excuse seem logical.
Secret 13: The Art of Seduction
Manipulators tend to use this art of manipulation to subject their victims to
psychological manipulation. This is mostly used by women to manipulate
men into doing what they want. A lot of women are now learning this art to
get favors done for them. However, if this art goes wrong, and they are
caught, they tend to react in anger to gain favor and benefit from the
situation.

Secret 14: Self-Promotion

This art is used by most manipulators; they make themselves look good in the
eyes of others. They make sure that other people don’t have anything against
them. They make their prey their friend. They don’t give you any chance to
doubt their words or actions. They make sure that they know your every
move. After you are now comfortable with them, they now pounce on you
and make you do what they want. It is very difficult to know that you are
being manipulated by someone who has shown you his good side.
 HYPNOSIS
This is the art of controlling one's mind through the use of a swinging object.
Most people think about hypnosis as a ridiculous idea. However, hypnosis is
real and is used both in constructive ways - for therapy and can also be used
in dark psychology. This can be harmful to the victim involved. Hypnosis
makes someone do things that they could not do in their normal state of
mind; hypnosis tampers with your thinking capacity. Some say that during
hypnosis, the victim is usually asleep and cannot quite tell what is happening
around them till they snap back into their conscious mind. The art of
hypnosis is mostly used as a form of therapy. The modern-day psychology
has brought out hypnotherapy as a good way of treating rheumatoid arthritis,
various skin conditions, post-delivery pain for mothers and many others. A
person's actions during hypnosis are highly influenced by the hypnotizer.
When somebody is in a hypnotic state they can focus on one thing and can
see things differently. However, hypnosis can be used for bad intentions as
well. This is why hypnosis is not highly recommended for application daily.
On another note, not all people can be hypnotized.

Secret 15: Inducing a Trance State

Hypnotists first make sure that you are well relaxed and comfortable with
them before they start hypnotizing. Then they make sure they get your
attention to a specific point. Once this is done, the hypnotist can now start,
taking note on how you react, your body language, and the level of your
focus. At this level, the hypnotist can now accomplish anything they wanted
to do with you. Once done with what they set out to do, they will snap you
back to your conscious mind.

Secret 16: Power of Suggestion

This is a good tool that is used to communicate with the subconscious mind.
Hypnotists make you accept a certain thing and rub it in till the subconscious
mind accepts it. They use this power to make the victim be enticed with the
same idea that they want. They make sure that their ideas fascinate the
victims. They get you into the moment and then make sure you get full
attention to what they are doing and their words. They then tend to organize a
system of support to make you stay in that state for long. They may even use
your close friends and relatives and influence them into making you believe
what they have said. The subconscious mind then acts on this and makes it
look true. The hypnotist will now have you to do whatever they want.

Secret 17: Conditioning

Hypnosis is known to be used by cults and people in politics, and they use
conditioning as one of their arts to hypnotize you. They use words that grab
your attention. The people in politics tend to use words such as –
“progressive”, “change”, and this makes their subjects believe what they are
saying. Politicians know that it is hard to convince their subjects, however,
once they believe that a particular politician will give them the change they
need everything would be easy. This can change somebody’s personality for
a while until they snap back into being themselves. However highly you
regard yourself; it is very easy to change your mind by using the art of
conditioning. Conditioning tends to change your mind and you end up
hypnotized.

Secret 18: Create False Memories

Hypnotists create fake memories and make you see things that may not even
be true in real life. They can easily change your mind into thinking and
seeing things that may not be true. A good example would be when a
hypnotist wants to turn you against your family; they will get into your mind
and after this, they will create bad and false memories and wrong information
about your family. This will make you hate your family, and you now start
engaging them with a hateful heart. Assuming the hypnotist wanted to get
revenge from your family for something bad they did, he will successfully do
so through you. You will only realize what you have done when it's too late.

Secret 19: Induce Hallucinations

Hypnotists take it a notch higher by showing things that are not there. They
make you think you are crazy or envisioning things that do not exist. This can
easily make the person get into a psychotic breakdown. When the victim is in
this state, it is very easy to hypnotize them. When experiencing a psychotic
breakdown, one cannot quite distinguish between the dream world and the
real world.

Secret 20: Unwanted Telepathy

Hypnotists use telepathy as a way of catching their victim's attention and
focus. This happens when the hypnotists know something that can catch the
attention of the victim. They would use something like death, for instance, to
capture their attention. They would pay too much attention and emphasize it
so much that it becomes the only thing their victims would think about; in
this case, a victim will think more about death. The hypnotist goes ahead to
control the mind of this person and, eventually, hypnotizes them.

Secret 21: Use of Objects

Hypnotists mostly use objects to hypnotize people. This is the commonly
known way of hypnotizing someone. They make you relax first and then use
a moving object, for example, a swinging necklace. They swing the necklace
before your eyes and make your eyes focus on that only. This makes you feel
drawn to the moving necklace, and you tend to forget everything that is
around you. While in this state, you may not even hear any sounds or notice
someone walking either at a distance or past you. This way of hypnotism
makes you fall into a deep, kind of sleeping state. After snapping back from
this you will not be able to remember what happened, what you did, or said.
 DECEPTION
This is the act of hiding the truth from someone for your own benefit. The
main aim of deception is to fool and play tricks on the other party. This is
more of a lie. Deception might cause massive destruction and damage since it
takes a longer time to clear up. It is not easy to know when you are being lied
to, especially if the person deceiving you is well trained. However, this art
does not necessarily need one to do it to you, but you may also choose to do
it to yourself by keeping yourself in the dark and refusing to see things or life
situations as they are.

Secret 22: Pretense

This is when someone pretends to be someone they are not for ill motives.
People who need something from someone often pretend in a bid to make
their target like or trust them to a point where they feel comfortable in their
presence. For example, a student at a high school level who is highly
endowed by their parents. This student will have a lot of friends because their
parents are wealthy; the student drives to school, and goes to the best places
for vacations. One of her schoolmates gets jealous and is determined as much
to ruin the friendship. So, she befriends her and pretends to love her a lot to
the extent where she even meets her parents. They become the best of friends
with the target, not knowing the friend’s real motive. The friend is
determined to achieve her goal. Therefore, after establishing her place in the
family and gaining their trust, she digs up the family’s dirty secrets and
strikes. Being part of the internet generation, she posts all the dirty family
secrets she managed to uncover, yet they were meant to remain hidden as
dark family secrets. She lets the whole home area, school and world know
about the dirty secrets. The family is caught by surprise and is devastated to a
point where their daughter is unable to attend school due to embarrassment
and ridicule from the schoolmates. Based on the girl’s level of resilience, she
may find it hard to cope with the betrayal from her “best friend” whom she
trusted with her life, the embarrassment at school, and social media mockery.
In what may be dubbed as false mitigation, the girl may opt to commit
suicide as a way of ending the humiliation and embarrassment. The jealous
girl will have accomplished her motives through pretense.

Secret 23: Concealment

This is the act of hiding something or information from someone. This may
be done as a way of doing well to somebody and also as a way of hurting
other people. The use of dark psychology makes sure that the truth stays
hidden from the victim. This information is only realized when the goal is
achieved. This art is used by a lot of people since it's hard for them to know
the truth when it's hidden. A person who uses concealment as an evil way to
get what they want is said to use dark psychology, which can be dangerous to
humans. A child's dream life can easily be shattered by the realization that the
place they call home is not a safe haven. For example, they may realize that
they are adopted; hence they are sometimes relegated. They were never told
about this, and this fact has been hidden from them for the better part of their
life. This concealment from them can widely ruin their lives, and it would be
hard living with this fact. School going kids are mostly affected by this and
are usually unable to cope in the right manner. If the person responsible for
hiding this truth had ill motive towards this family, they would have therefore
attained their target.

Secret 24: Propaganda

This can be defined as a systematic effort to influence other people’s beliefs
and knowledge by use of actions, symbols, or words. This information is
passed on very fast from one person to the other. This is commonly used by
dark psychologists to destroy people, whether emotionally, physically or even
to damage their personality before others. Propaganda is mostly influenced
by the people you trust and your very close friends and relatives. A person
who has the will to do bad to you will take this as their first option to ruin in
you. A good reference to propaganda would be in the political world.
Politicians all over the world like tarnishing the other party's images; they
make them look bad in front of their subjects. They go to all extents to ensure
that the other party does not get the upper hand in all this. In most cases, the
team with ill motives tends to win. A brawny team, in this case, will be the
best fit target for their detrimental motives.

Secret 25: Sex and Affection

This art has been highly rated over the years as the most commonly used way
of performing dark psychology. Women are mostly known to be perfect
practitioners for this art. An intimate relationship bound by love is not
expected to be one-sided. Rather should be a win-win situation for both
parties. However, this is not quite evident a lot in this day to day life. People
have become materialistic and crave more for wealth than they crave for love.
Most people are in relationships for the sole reason to gain what the other
partner has. They make sure this goal is achieved by acts of love and making
the other partner have full trust in you. After they have gained this trust, they
quit the relationship having gotten what they wanted. This can be devastating
to the other partner. It would be difficult for them to move on; they can easily
sink into depression.

Secret 26: Distraction

This is the process of detouring somebody’s attention from a desiderated area
of focus, thereby clearing the reception of the desired focus. Distraction can
be caused by several things like the inability to pay attention, lack of interest,
and so on. Distractions can come from anywhere and in every form. They can
be internal or external; both can divert one's focus. The psychologist uses this
as another way to complete their bad motives. This art is commonly used to
perform the crime. Criminals like shoplifters tend to create a diversion, which
creates a distraction that enables them to perform their crimes. For example,
armed robbers create distractions after they have committed robbery to be
able to get enough time to have made their escape. In such a case the armed
robbers will have used this art of distraction to their disposal and emerge out
successfully.

Secret 27: Fraud

This is the use of false documents or information to achieve their desired
wishes. Fraud is considered to be unfair or unlawful gain. This deprives a
victim of their rightful gain. There are many reasons behind the fraud, it
could be financially driven, used to acquire jobs, gain travel documents, gain
entry into the university, and so on. This has greatly been heightened by fast-
evolving technology. The rise of computers and them being almost a
necessity in every home has increased the instances of fraud. People can do
anything with a good computer and internet. A person who is eager to go
outside the country can falsify their documents to make them look like legit
documents.

Secret 28: Omission

This is the act of overlooking some things or information and giving out the
part of the information only. This mostly happens when one has bad
intentions and does not want the other party involved to realize this. They
often pretend to be emotional whenever the specific topic is brought around.
They do not want to fill in the gaps for the missing information. They tend to
reveal the truth or the omitted parts once they have achieved their goal. The
dark part of this is that dark psychologists use this to prey on their target.
People who are not heavy thinkers and don't take time to digest what is said
are the best fit targets.
 REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY
This is an insistence of behavior or certain belief that is different from the
wished one, expecting that this will persuade the subject to do what is
desired. This technique mostly works on those people that tend to react
negatively to persuasion and end up doing the exact opposite of what is being
required of them. This also works on rebellious or resistant people. Some
people are naturally rebellious or resistant; this makes them a target by people
who have bad intentions towards them. Her victims think they are doing what
they want but in the real sense, are doing what was in the first place intended.

Secret 29: Rebellion

This is the refusal to obey, being resistant to an established type of authority
or rule. People can naturally be rebellious, while others can simply choose to
be rebellious. This makes them easy targets from a dark psychologist who
wants to use them in their favor. Rebellious people are known to do the exact
opposite of what they are told. Psychologists can use this to their advantage
and entice them to make their wish. These people only come to realize that
they have been used when it's too late for them.

Secret 30: Choice

This is also similar to decision making. This is making decisions between
different things. Choices are things we make a day in day out. Human life is
widely influenced by the choices we make every day. You only live the life
that you choose for yourself, whether destructive or constructive. People who
are poor decision-makers are highly prone to the dark psychologist. They
influence them in making the wrong choices about things or their life. A
person who wants to destroy your life can easily do this by enticing you to
make a choice that they clearly know is wrong.

Secret 31: Desire

This is a strong feeling of want for something. This feeling drives most
people to commit mistakes they would never have imagined. Everyone has
the one thing that they desire to have or to do in their life. Desire can be
measurable and at times, extremely dangerous. People who have desired
things so badly can easily be victims of people who want to use them to their
benefits.

Secret 32: Pretense

This is the act of acting to be someone you’re not, a false review of what you
are not. Most people tend to pretend and create an opposite picture of what
they are. They are, therefore, able to hide their real intentions form the public.
It is hard to know their real intentions since unveiling their true colors is quite
hard. However, they do this since they have a target to reach and a goal to
achieve. They pretend to lead you in one way, but they end up leading you in
the wrong way. Pretenders are said to be worse than murders, but in most
cases, they can achieve their desires.

Secret 33: Power of Understanding

This is an art that has been mastered by the psychologist. They learn how to
establish relationships with their prey. They also learn the art of
understanding what other people are going through. This art tends to give
them the upper hand. They know that the higher the level of understanding,
the easier it is to catch their prey. Nobody hates someone's understanding of
their lives. Psychologists tend to look for people who feel that nobody is
there for them, and nobody understands them. These individuals are driven to
do evil without their knowledge.

Secret 34: Discussion

Starting up a lively conversation with your prey on what they would do in
some situations is another way that psychologists see fit to achieve their
goals. Trying to balance both sides - what you want to be done and what you
want them to do, will bring about an argument on which is better. They try to
drive the point they want to take away and bring closer what they don't want
to be done. The person will go for what is not highly being advocated for;
thereby, the psychologist becomes successful.

Secret 35: Unavailability

This mostly happens in dating and relationships. It is believed that if you
make yourself unavailable to the person who you love, they will come
looking for you so long as they love you back, and they are happy being with
you. However, this is to be implemented with a lot of caution since most it
might as well backfire. But in all the percentage of winning is high as
compared to losing them. This is compared to a paradox. Most people in love
use this art to make their love grow stronger and long-lasting.
 PROBLEMATIC BEHAVIOR
This can also be referred to as crime. Criminal behavior also has its aspect of
the dark side. Most of the people who have committed crime have done it
through dark psychology, and they only realize this when they are in too deep
to retreat or after the crime has already been committed. People have various
reasons for committing crime, including revenge, pleasure or to save their
lives. People who use dark psychology in crime are bent on hurting others.

Secret 36: Human Nature

Humans naturally want to know and understand things; hence, they set out on
different expeditions to learn more about the world and what's in it. However,
a there will always be a bunch of people who does not believe what is told
about the world and human beings. They always tend to be against the rules
and doing what they think is right to them. They do not do this because they
are criminals, but they just want to explore things more broadly and brightly.
These people may look for people to do this for them since they might be in
denial of what the community might think of them. They, therefore, locate
people that are good targets for them to help them in their criminality.

Secret 37: Evil

Evil is the opposite of good. A lot of people fear to be evil or evil people.
However, not everyone chooses to be evil; others are naturally evil, while
others just choose to be evil. Dark psychology is broadly associated with evil.
Evil people tend to do evil without even thinking about the consequences.
Most people that are evil do this a way of self-pleasure. They take it as a
hobby to hurt others.

Secret 38: Camouflage

This is the art of hiding behind something you are not to cover up your real
self. Dark psychologists use this as a way of getting close to you and
manipulate you into doing what they want. This mostly happens to people
who are light-hearted and can easily be influenced into doing something.
They make you their friend and in turn, use you to get what they want.
Criminals tend to use these people to commit the crime or either does the
crime themselves, and then makes their prey take the blame for it.

Secret 39: Substance Abuse

The use of drugs has been the reason for the high rise in criminal activities,
people who use drugs and are most targeted by dark psychologists to commit
the crime. Some of them do not even know what they are doing. They only
notice it once they are not under the influence of drugs. Psychologists who
want to use them might even go the extra mile of introducing drugs to them.
Using someone who is under the influence of drugs and does not know what
they are doing is easy, as these people do not fully understand what they are
being told in their minds.

Secret 40: Justification

People who commit crimes tend always to justify their actions and make
them look like they did them for the best. They are best at making others look
bad or like they don't know what they are saying. People of this nature mostly
use people's secrets to lash out at them once they try crossing their path. This
helps them hide their real intentions of committing the crime. People of this
nature layout the best plans of committing crimes, and it is not easy to catch
them doing the same. This becomes a breeding ground for a crime, which is
only realized when it is too late, and too much is lost.

Secret 41: Sexual Favors

This art is known to be the best above all to lure anyone into doing what you
want. People offer sexual favors to have what they want to be done. They
begin by making sure that your both emotional and physical self are fully into
them. After this is achieved, they then proceed to entice you into doing what
they want easily. Most people don't know when this art is being used to
manipulate them. They are made to think that they are loved and that the
crime they are about to commit is for the best.

Secret 42: Social Acceptance

Clearing out the air and making sure that everyone around you not only
accepts you but loves you and cannot do without you, is an art that is used by
people who have ill motives. These people make sure they enter into your
social circle and ensure that they blend in. they make friends, go to social
gatherings, do charity work to ensure that they have enough time to lay out
their plan well. They make sure that they do not give anyone room for doubt.
They are the best when it comes to this. They have the art of control, which
helps them catch the attention of everyone around them.
 CHAPTER 3: MIND
CONTROL
What is Mind Control?
Mind control is a term that is used to describe the nature of human minds, in
which it is suggested that what an individual thinks can be influenced by
outside forces through manipulation. People often mistake mind control for
coercion or use the terms interchangeably. When someone is coercing
another into doing something, they just need them to do it, and they pay no
attention as to whether their subjects are motivated or not. The tools that are
usually used in this case can include humiliating the subject, threatening
them, or guilt-tripping them that will send them into actions. Grace, empathy,
and elegance are non-existent in coercion. The person who is coercing the
other person does not take into consideration what they may feel or think, as
long as they get to do whatever it is that he wants them to do.

Mind control is not an easy thing to do, and it requires a lot of thinking and
planning. The controller wants to achieve whatever goal they have set,
without the person being controlled ever realizing what is being done to
them. Sometimes, to be very effective, you will need to carry out research so
as to know the needs of the person you want to control, what are their
weaknesses, and how can you hit without being recognized. For example, if
you have started an online shop and you want to get people buying from you,
you may paint the traditional queuing in the grocery store and other retail
outlets as a long-forgotten ritual - by pointing out the hustles of having to
seek for a parking lot, trying to control a two-year toddler, alongside with a
full trolley of goods as undesirable and not worthwhile. You will require
extensive knowledge of the market and potential customers in order to
respond to them appropriately. You will need to know some of the reasons
why they may view your online shopping as not a very good idea. You need
to be able to take note of the other person’s reaction and also be in control of
your own emotions, bearing in mind that any slight reaction may expose your
goal. You ought to make your moves in a way that every single one of them
moves you closer to your set goal, which for example, in our case, is to get
the customer shift to online shopping.

When planning to control the mind of an individual, it is important that you

know the environment and the situations we find ourselves in, keep changing
day in, day out. This way, mind control will be more than you responding to
a situation that occurs or having a plan that has a one by one step on how to
get to your desired outcome; it will require you to be flexible to the changing
circumstances. Being keen when the environment makes a slight change or
when the people you are trying to control their desires and likes will give you
an edge. Mind control also requires that you are open to learning; every
single step you take will have a lesson, either leading you closer to your goal
or away from it. Being observant to learn things about yourself and the
people you want to control will give you huge benefits. You will probably
need a constant reminder of the widely used phrase that hurt people hurt
others if you decide to use mind control as a tool. Dark psychology has been
used to manipulate people with the wrong intentions. However, you can use it
ethically as an important tool in your business, your parenting, and it can be
used in organizations, schools, and other places. The fascinating thing about
mind control is, the first time you mention it, many people will cringe and
dismiss it as a bad thing that should never appear in our vocabulary. This is
done without the knowledge that mind control is being used on you, but in a
positive way, that leaves you happy and satisfied and without having noticed
the trick.

The human mind usually works by asking questions, which act as the filters
through which we evaluate the different situations in our lives. For example,
in our case, people may be asking, how am I going to benefit when I shop
online, while other people may view the same situation by asking, will I get
exactly what I order online? All these questions are asked subconsciously in
the minds of two different people who may be your potential customers. As a
person who is planning on using mind control, being able to know and
answer your own questions, as well as those of other people, will give you a
wider range of control. In short, the more you can answer the questions in the
minds of people, the more you are likely to control their minds. For anyone
one who is trying to make their first steps in using mind control, it would be
important to note the type of questions that they ask before they can make a
decision and from there, seek to understand the questions that ring in the
minds of other people and how it affects the decisions they make.

Mind control derives its history way back to the early man. It was a survival
tactic in a way, and it built human interaction. In the present age, a lot of
importance has been attached to doing things alone and being independent.
However, the early man valued groups and coming together. Families, clans,
and villages were an important aspect of the early man’s culture. How mind
control worked in these groupings were, a family has a certain set of values
and behaviors that they hold dearly. The parents are responsible for passing
down these values to their children and that way, they control their mind into
believing that doing a certain thing is good, and another thing is wrong.
These families came together and formed clans. Clans ideally had the same
ancestors, whom again, had passed down a certain set of values to be
observed within the clan. Clans in the early days used to live close to each
other, to form villages. The clan members could sell some of their ideas to
different clans, so that they could have a common ground of interaction,
therefore forming allies. They knew that in so doing, they would be stronger
in case there was an impending attack being planned by their enemies. So,
they applied mind control as a tool of enhancing security, pulling together
resources and maintaining their values and custom, so mind control for them
was more of a survival tactic.

In today’s world, mind control is bred since childhood. Our parents have
beliefs that they hold onto so dearly that they never want to be questioned.
They pass down those beliefs that cannot be proven to us and, they will even
go ahead and punish us if we do not pay attention or follow whatever it is that
they want us to do. On the other hand, if we follow what they say, we get
rewarded. Thus the most intense mind control program stems from the
parents. From being with parents at home, we are sent to school, and there,
the history of mind control continues. In school, the most apparent mind
control techniques include peer pressure that drives us into conforming to
other people’s behavior, maybe for acceptance or as an unconscious decision.
On the other hand, behavioral modification used in our learning institutions
by either rewarding to motivate a certain behavior or to punish to discourage
another behavior is a form of mind control, and often, it hinders creativity
and the learner's ability to be innovative.
 MIND CONTROL MODELS
Mind control has different models that are useful in controlling the emotions,
thoughts, and actions of other people. Some of the mind control models
include; conditioning model, also known as behavioral modification model.
The controller controls the situation and usually wants to get people into
doing something, but he wants them to think that they are doing it for their
own reasons. Therefore, a system of rewarding and punishing is introduced to
control the actions of the subjects. How the controller ensures that the subject
does not accuse them of coercing them into action is by making sure that the
rewards given for the actions they take are huge and attractive, and the
punishments are mild but memorable.

Hardwired Model
This model explains the things that we, as human beings, are conditioned to
respond to with much more acceptance. Regardless of who you are, every
human being wants to feel loved ad accepted. The two most prevalent
examples in the hardwired model are a scapegoat and the need to feel special.
Taking responsibility for our actions is the most attractive thing. We all want
to feel and be told we are in control of our lives when things are running well,
and life, in general, is making some sense.

However, there are times when taking responsibility is not sexy. Imagine a
situation where you just break up with your partner. At this point, you do not
want that take responsibility. You prefer the sun, the moon, and the whole
universe being blamed and no one saying a word about you and the part you
might have played in the breakup. People who have mastered the art of mind
control will slowly, and without your knowledge, appease you in moments of
difficulties by telling you that it is not your fault, that something bad
happened or something bad is happening. Before you know it, you are
listening to everything else they have to say later on. On the other hand, the
need to feel special haunts us all day long. You want to be appreciated for a
skill that you have mastered so well. For example, if you want someone to
help you in cooking a certain dish for your visitors in the afternoon, you will
likely tell them, ‘I love the way you cook chicken’, ‘You are the best person I
can run to for help in this because I know my guests will love your chicken.’
By praising the expertise of the other person in cooking chicken, they will in
many cases agree to offer help in it, because they feel special at it.

Neuro-Linguistic Programming Model

This model does not put all human beings in a single cluster that is appeased
by a particular thing. Instead, it emphasizes the uniqueness of individuals in
terms of what makes them happy, what processes behavioral change in them,
and drives them into actions. When a controller takes their time to read
through the mental model of their subjects, they get a road map into their
mind, and in this way, they are able to control their actions without the
subject knowing what the controller is doing.

Environmental Control Model

It is by far the hardest model of mind control since it requires the controller to
make use and control a lot of variables. This model can be summarized by the
phrase -- What no one can ever resist what they cannot detect. The controller
has to set up an environment that will allow their subject to believe in what
the controller wants them to believe. For example, if you are trying to sell a
stain remover and the shirt you are wearing is stained, it is unlikely that the
customer will pay attention to you. Wearing a sparkling white outfit on such
a promotion would, in a way, control the mind of the individual into thinking
that you use it in washing your clothes and no wonder the spark. People who
effectively use this model are the con men, and they are able to make you
believe that they are who they say they are without you raising any
suspicions.

As we have already seen, mind control is at use in so many aspects of our

lives, whether we choose to recognize it or not. We can use the secrets of
mind control in a way that is ethical in order to persuade and manipulate
people in a way that is helpful, as discussed herein.

Secret 43: Identifying the Necessity

Finding those in need, in order to effectively control the mind of a subject,
one must identify their deep need and seek towards helping them achieve it
while being strategic and not being noticed. When people have a deep
longing in their heart for anything, they will pay attention to anyone that
comes by as capable of offering any helpful solution. Therefore, as a person
who needs to make use of the tool of mind control, it is important that you
take time to evaluate the possible needs that your possible subjects may be
facing and there, come up with a way to fulfill them. In many cases, this
desperation for a certain need to be met has been used against some
individuals negatively. For example, after one has broken a relationship with
their spouse, they are usually vulnerable and lonely at this point. An
individual may recognize that need and come by as the friend, only to end up
manipulating them and leaving them afterward. Finding those in need can be
used positively by companies to increase their sales. That is ideally how
bridging existing market gaps works, when someone identifies that people in
a certain region, for example, use spices a lot and there is never enough
supply in their neighboring grocery store, starting a spice shop in that region
will shift the mind of the people from wanting to order them elsewhere to
purchase them from you.

Secret 44: Reality Denial

This is a scheme used by manipulators to make their subjects doubt what they
believe in, and what they think about issues. The manipulators slowly
question the subjects’ beliefs in a way that the subject ends up agreeing that
they could be wrong. Ethically, this secret can be used in counseling a person
that has lost their sense of worth, and they never feel good enough. You may
ask them questions on what drove them into believing that they are not worth
living. In most cases, people in such a situation will recount some of the
major failures that they have had. To counter their thoughts in a way that
makes them question whether those failures really define their worth, you
could recount to them the various success stories they have had. In shifting
their minds from the failures to their win, you make them in a way deny the
reality that they have failed and embraced their failure from the point of them
being able to do better next time since their past success is evidence enough
they can do something well.

Secret 45: Love Bombing

This is a strategy that is used by manipulators in a way that they show so
much affection to someone so that they can win their trust and get to control
them. Though for the dark manipulators, loads of affection is later withheld
from the subject, we can use this love bombing strategy positively in areas
such as parenting. When, as a parent, you make a habit of showering your
children with affection, it is unlikely that they will fall for a lie masked
outside you home and packaged as love.

Secret 46: Long Con

This is a secret applied where the controller is not in a hurry to achieve their
goal but slowly and surely manages to lower the defenses of their subject.
People will always resist others if they feel pressured by their actions or
obliged to comply. Here, the controller slowly builds an artificial rapport with
the subject, and when they have had a relationship where they both feel
comfortable around each other; the controller begins to make their attempts.
This can be applied efficiently by a political aspirant. They can take part in
community volunteer activities, way before they announce their candidature.
Working within the community creates a rapport and a level of trust by the
community members, and in this way, he is able to garner a lot of support
from them during the campaigns and election time.

Secret 47: Graduality

This one works more like the long con strategy, but here, you allow yourself
time, to tell the truth, that you need to. When you do something hastily,
though it may be coined with good intentions, you may be misunderstood for
wrong intentions. This can be used in, for example, romantic relationships. If
you out rightly declare you want to marry someone or you want to have a
sexual affair with them, they will most likely avoid you. However, if you ask
them out on a date several times, they will over time have feelings for you,
and it will be easier to win them over.

Secret 48: Leading Questions

These are the types of questions that have your opinion coined in them, but
you require the respondent to give their views. For example, a parent of a
teenager who is suspecting that her daughter has been going out with a
certain boy in the neighborhood and the senses that they may resent telling
the truth, she may ask her something like, ‘so for how long have you and
Greg been seeing each other?’ this question does not allow your daughter a
space to deny that she has been seeing someone. However, tact needs to be
employed so that the subject does not for a moment guess what you are
doing. Keep changing tactics, so they will not feel like they are losing
control.

Secret 49: Law of Transference

This is where you transfer what you feel to the other person. For example, if
you feel safe around the person, but you doubt whether they feel the same
way, you could transfer that sense of security to them. This tact can be used
in counseling, where if you share your own struggle and the journey you took
to triumph, you are spreading the state of normality, and the subject feels
better off.

Secret 50: Restricting Choice

This one, you give your subject no option to turn down your offer. You give
them a choice between two options in which both of them will go in your
favor. How people employ, this is by first ensuring that their victims have
been softened emotionally by making them laugh for example. An area where
this can be employed successfully is in sales. You discuss with the potential
buyer and have packages of different sizes and prices. At the end of the
conversation, you may ask them, ‘do you want the $5 to the $20 one?’ this
leaves no room for them to say they want none of them.
 MIND CONTROL
TECHNIQUES
When people are trying to understand the techniques of mind control, it is
essential that they understand the strategy too. While the techniques of mind
control are going to help you in knowing how to get your desired outcome,
the strategy is going to be essential in the live application of the techniques,
because the environment you are operating in keeps changing.

Even if pure concentration is being employed, but without getting the

strategy right, it may lead to the failure of the whole process. The three-level
intent strategy is one of the mind control strategies that you would want to
pay attention to. The strategy has the stated, the hidden and the secret
intention. With the stated intention, you say it openly from the beginning of
your interactions with someone. The hidden intention comes out later in your
interaction, and it turns out to be the deeper reason why you did something.
Finally, the secret intention is usually the main reason why you did
something, and this one remains a secret throughout the interaction. It is
never revealed in whatever circumstances.

In designing your strategies, you should start by defining your end goal, and
this is what you want to achieve at the end of the whole interaction with the
person being controlled. The end goal will allow you to formulate the three
different intentions. By knowing what you want the other person to believe,
perceive, or see in you, you will get the stated strategy almost automatically.
Later on, design the hidden strategy, when you want it known, and or how
you want the other person to discover it if they have to do it on their own.
The hidden strategy should justify the stated intent to a certain extent, and it
should serve to conceal the secret intent even more. After coming up with all
the three intentions, now you can move on and use them strategically along
the mind control techniques, in a way that will lead you in achieving your
final set goal.
Neuro-Linguistic Programming Technique
Commonly referred to as NLP, it is a brain control technique that is the most
popular one in our contemporary society. This technique came about when
some researchers wanted to know why some therapists are able to achieve
behavior change in their clients faster than other therapists. Despite it being a
technique that has achieved tremendous results in therapy, it can also be used
in persuading people and influencing them in other areas such as getting them
to buy a certain product. The basic building block of this technique is the
undeniable fact that human beings are similar and different to some extent.
The similarity is bred by the fact that the way we make sense of our
experiences is limited. On the other hand, we are different because
individuals have different ways in which they make sense of the experiences
they go through in their lives. For someone who needs to control the mind of
an individual, it is essential that they understand how those people make
sense of their world so that they can design their message or action in a way
that will make sense to their subjects. Some of the secrets that you need to
make proper use of in using these techniques are:

Secret 51: Rapport

Creating a rapport with the victim is key, and this does not mean that you
should be working to make them love you. The most important thing is to
make the other person feel like they can identify with you in so many aspects
of life. When people feel that you are a normal person, who has gone through
the same type of things they have gone through and who is prone to facing
life challenges just like them, they feel some sense of trust beginning to build
up in them, and they can easily open up to you. After this, it will be easier to
get responses from the person, as compared to if you just bumped into getting
your goals met. Rapport enables everything, as it is through it that defenses
are lowered and walls are brought down. When people feel safe around you,
it is easier for them to be real authentic selves, and in that way, you will be
able to learn the road map to their thoughts. While creating a rapport, you
will need to mirror the other person, which is simply moving and speaking
like them, without any attempts to mimic them or come out as if you are
trying too hard to be like them. Without the other party knowing, they will
come to believe that you are like them and that you share too much in
common. For example, people who have a rapport begin to sound almost the
same to a third party, and they begin building a vocabulary that is unique to
them. While seating, the almost automatic response when a person you are
conversing with and have built a rapport for years is that you will change the
way you are sitting to make them comfortable when they change their seating
position too. When you are seeking to build a rapport with someone, viewing
mirroring as an outcome from the already built rapport is way better and
effective than viewing it as the building block of the rapport. If you really
like someone, you won’t really mind looking like them.

Secret 52: Pacing and Leading

This is an important part of the NLP technique. This secret in itself enhances
the chances of the controller and the victim to build a rapport. Pacing is
where the controller follows the leading of the victim by doing what they do
and then afterward, do something that the subject will follow. This technique
is effective in ensuring that you take the lead, and it is designed in a way that
the victim will not know what is happening since they might see it as a
normal exchange of roles between two conversing parties. The pace part is
made up of something that is factual, something that can be verified by the
subject and is almost too automatic to be denied. The lead is usually a
statement made y the controller. Its design is made in such a way that the
subject has no option but to agree with the controller. The effective way in
which this can be applied is by allowing the subject to pace for more times
than you lead at the beginning of the conversation, and then as the
conversation continues to unfold, you reduce the number of paces and
increase the number of leads that you take.

Secret 53: Pacing and Dragging

This technique requires movement with some speed for the controller, as
compared to the pace and lead, the controller, in this case, must find a way in
which they will make their subjects follow them. In order to achieve this
seamlessly, the operator will need to focus exclusively on their subject. This
demands that you put aside all the other worries that you may be facing and
give the needs of your subject’s attention.

This should be joined with a show of concern to the subject. When you pay
attention to someone, and you ask questions and act in a way that shows
absolute care for what they feel or what they are going through, this will help
in breaking down any possible resentment, and you will most likely have an
easy time getting closer to the subject. Even if it means faking some degree
of concern for the things that you do not really care about in a person, it will
be important that you do that, to create an impression of care to the subject.
Lastly, a display of passion and conviction will definitely be a win for you.
No one wants to tell their story to someone who seems to have no idea of
what this life has to offer. Think of when you need a place to be safe, and you
want someone who will show you that you can be safe around them with an
amount of conviction. For example, when you want to buy something and a
promoter interrupts to pitch a better alternative. You want to listen to their
voice to hear if they have even the slightest ounce of surety in how they are
explaining their product. One thing that you need to have in mind while using
this strategy is that your ultimate goal is to influence your subject and not
really to make use of a certain technique. Therefore, it is important that you
keep track of the subject’s response to your various approaches. If you notice
the slightest amount of resistance, change the technique, this makes you a
guru at manipulation since you are not only manipulating their mind but also
the techniques.

Secret 54: Physiology is a Really Strong Tool

A controller is trying to control the brains of an individual should have in
mind the fact that makes some slight changes to their body, they may be able
to take the lead to the emotions and the mental thinking of their subjects. For
example, the seating posture that one takes may affect the entire conversation
that you were planning on having. The controller can, in a way suggest to
their subject of a better posture that they need to take in order to enhance
something. When you want to achieve a change in the emotions of an
individual, you can suggest changes in the way they sit, their eyes movement,
and breathing habits. For example, if you are interviewing a person, and they
think that the questions are tough and they begin panicking, you can ease
their tension by suggesting to them to take deep breaths and maintain eye
contact with you. By the time they are done with this exercise, the tension
will be gone, and they will have had the impression that you are not the harsh
type of interviewer. They will see you giving some time to ease their tension
as a friendly action, and a desire in you for them to do well in the interview.
Secret 55: Sensory Modalities and Sub-Modalities
NLP is concerned with understanding how people interpret different
situations. Ideally, people use their sensory organs to make their
interpretation, and as nature has it, some parts are usually dominant over the
others. In NLP, these modalities have been abbreviated as VAK to represent
the visual, auditory, and kinesthetic. The visual is what we see, and how we
make interpretation from that. The auditory involves our hearing, and the
kinesthetic involves our feelings. People who have their visual modality
dominating will explain things as clearly, or they will talk of having a clear
picture of what one is saying or they will use ‘seems’ to signify how they see
things. For the people who have their hearing as the dominant modality, they
will say that things ‘speak’ to them, or things like ‘that sounds good.’ while
for the people who their kinesthetic modality in dominion, they will talk of
having gut feelings concerning issues or they will say things either feel or
they do not feel right. Being able to establish someone’s sensory modality
will require that you pay a lot of attention to them. This is going to give you
an upper hand in establishing a rapport with them. You can even inquire
about how someone made their last purchase. People unconsciously tend to
describe the whole process that went through their minds when they were
making a decision. When you listen to them, take note of the sensory
modalities they mention and then use all of them to pursue them to make a
choice.

Secret 56: Value Elicitation

People may deny it, or at least never pay attention to our values, but the truth
is, personal values are the ones that lead people into making whatever
decisions they make. Though people may walk around unconscious of them,
when they are fulfilled or challenged, it becomes apparent to them and the
other person. When for example, you are pitching a sale, and you happen to
mention that a single purchase will fulfill the values of the buyer, they may
not be able to resist your suggestion. In your attempt to control the mind of
an individual, it is important that you look out for the values they uphold.
However, it is risky to promise to fulfill something to someone related to
value, and you fail, this may turn against you in a way you never expected.
Therefore, in order to use this secret effectively, you will need to check what
someone holds in high regard and see how you can link that to your overall
objective. In order to find out what people value the most, you will need to
ask them questions, while being careful not to sound as if you are
interrogating them. Asking someone what is important to them about
something would be a great way to find out their values. When the questions
get intense, you can shift the dialogue to other things that are relevant. This
will help in creating interest in the other person and, ultimately, help in
building a rapport.

Secret 57: Emotional Elicitation

It is a process that involves making people feel whatever you want them to
feel. This again will result from a lot of paying attention to your subject and
asking questions in a way that does not arouse any suspicion. As you ask the
different range of questions you should be keen to watch for any emotions
emerging, as that too, will give you an idea of what a certain thing makes
someone feel. Also, you can tell about the different feelings in a way that
sounds as if you were narrating a story to your subject. This should be
coupled with sensory acuity, in order for it to draw the attention of the
subject, and watch out for any emotions expressed as you describe the
different emotions. Being able to use this strategy effectively creates
flexibility in your subject; in a way it can tell how far you are at creating a
rapport with the person. If they are able to bring about the emotion that you
were describing to them, then that would mean that, to a certain extent, you
have a great rapport with them. Emotional elicitation is aimed at making the
subject identify with you to some extent.

NLP can be applied in various day to day activities that we undertake, to

manipulate people’s minds in a way that is ethically okay. For example in
therapy, like some of the researchers found out, if a therapist is able to treat
each individual as different by studying their mental processes, then a change
in behavior is likely to be achieved faster than when all the people are treated
as being the same without the consideration of the uniqueness of everyone’s
case.
In parenting, NLP is a useful technique in disciplining kids. There are some
ways that are going to work well to bring behavioral change in some
children, but that may not work for your kid. Understanding your child’s
mental functionality is important in finding out what works for them and
what doesn’t. Using NLP also eliminates the need of a parent to compare one
kid to another even if it is their siblings. Understanding the uniqueness of
everyone’s situation is more effective in achieving positive outcomes when
dealing with them.

In selling and advertising, NLP helps in viewing customers as an individual

and not a homogeneous cluster. When you are able to identify the need of
each customer separately, you are better placed in fulfilling them and,
ultimately, gaining a large market share.

Behavioral conditioning, this is the most used technique of mind control. It

involves rewarding and punishing the subject so that you can ensure a change
in their behavior. It serves in teaching people what to do and what to do when
placed in a specific context.
 BEHAVIORAL
CONDITIONING
While you can change someone’s behavior through this process of punishing
and rewarding, consistent training has to be done to train the subjects to keep
responding and this is generally known as behavioral conditioning.

Secret 58: Goal Setting

While using this technique, you come up with the goal that you want to
achieve. Know the beliefs that exist around your set goal, and in this way,
and you will be able to set the rewards. When the subject behaves in the way
that you want them to, and then you reward them, and if they do not, you
administer punishment.

Secret 59: Mindfulness in Administering Punishment

In punishment administration, acute care needs to be taken because the
subject may see a loophole to see your controlling behavior because people
are generally resistant to anything that may cost them some pain or suffering.
Again, if the punishments are too many, the subject may view you as being
coercive, and they may end up behaving in a certain way so as to avoid
punishment, which in this case, you will be missing your goal. Also, ensure
that the punishment does not blame or shame the subject since you are in
pursuit of a behavioral change, not an emotional battle.

Secret 60: Balance

When using this technique, it is utterly important that you watch out for a
balance between punishment and reward. Though it has been said that using
punishment will cause a faster change in behavior, rewards make the
behavioral change more long-lasting. The reward should not be done
regularly, but instead, the rewards should be given at random. This fastens
the rate at which the individual learns a behavior because they keep
anticipating the next time they are going to be rewarded.

Secret 61: Gradual Rewarding

Rewarding in bits is also helpful than waiting for a total change to happen so
that you can reward. If the change is more towards achieving your goal, when
you reward it, it will be easier for you to ask for more change. You should
also be careful not to give punishments where they are not deserved, as this
may result in demotivating your subject.

Secret 62: Praise is a Lubricant

When using behavioral conditioning, you may tend to think that giving
something that is material is the only desirable thing in getting the change
that you want, however, praising your subject may end up bringing results
that you would have never thought of. In addition, make sure that the gift you
give is desirable and use it alongside praise for more effective results.

While using these secrets, there are different areas that you can use this
technique ethically in achieving desired results. For example, the
commission-based system of compensating workers is based on rewards and
punishment. This system can overall help increase the sales of the company
as people obviously want a bigger paycheck, so they will work harder to
ensure they get a higher commission. If they do not make any sales, then they
do not get the commission. Another one would be bonuses for firms that do
not sell physical products. By setting a certain target for a certain department,
you are conditioning the members of that department into striving to work
harder. When you give the end of year bonuses every time they achieve the
set goal, this is a form of reward. For those that do not hit the target, a lack of
bonus is a punishment.

At home, parents can use behavioral conditioning as a way of disciplining

their children and getting them to do things right. For example, if your kids
give you trouble by refusing to eat, switching off the TV until they are done
eating would be a good motivator for them to eat faster so that they can
continue watching their favorite show. If you want them to finish their
weekend homework and they are relentlessly playing with their siblings in
the study room instead of doing the work, you can promise to take them to
the park in the afternoon, only if they manage to finish their homework by a
specific time and do it to your satisfaction. This reward system ensures that
they do not just rush through the assignment so that they can finish but that
they take time to finish it. Also, it motivates them to finish the homework on
time because if they fail to, the visit to the park will not be possible.
In increasing sales, an organization can use behavioral conditioning to reward
customers that buy more. For example, grocery stores that have loyalty cards
are aimed at making the customers come to their store each time they need to
but something so that they can accumulate the points and redeem them for
free shopping sometime later. Also, giving shopping vultures and discounts
to customers is another way in which this technique is used. Vultures are
given to people who have shopped to a certain amount, similar to the
discount. Therefore, giving these things encourages customers to buy in bulk.
The punishment in this is, if the customers do not hit a certain amount of
money shopping, they do not get the discount.

Teachers in schools can use this technique to improve the behavior of the
children and to prevent them from acting out. In addition, school owners can
use this technique to improve the performance of both the teachers and the
students. When a teacher rewards a student for finishing all their homework
and scoring good grades, they motivate them to continue working hard. Also,
if a teacher throws a party every end of the week for their class to be well
behaved, it is likely that the students will embrace good behavior. How this
can effectively be done is by accumulating points for the students when they
behave well and deducting them every time they misbehave. Then set a
certain threshold which they should hit for the party to happen. Every
student, of course, wants the party to happen and so in a way, they will act as
a watchdog for the teacher and call out any student who dares to misbehave
as their action will result in all of them receiving the punishment of missing
the party at the end of the week. In this way, the teacher will achieve general
good behavior within the student body. School administrators can use this
technique to get the teachers motivated, rewarding the teacher when their
class performs well and withholding the reward when the class does not
perform well. Some schools have a reward system where a teacher is given a
certain amount of money per each student in their class that scores an A in a
test. This form of motivation drives the teachers into putting more effort into
ensuring that their students perform well.
 SOCIAL PRESSURE AND
SOCIAL INFLUENCE
This is where individuals operate in groups that have a shared problem, a
shared goal, and it is easy to control the mind of a group because sometimes,
it is hard for someone to think independently when they are in a group.
Usually, you will find that people have more courage to express what they
feel when they know they have some support from their group as compared
to when they are all alone. In those groups, you will find that participation is
usually steered by a small subsection of it, or even at times, single individuals
who have a lot of influence on the group will influence how the remaining
rest of the group will behave. In order to effectively use social pressure and
influence effectively, you need to keep in mind a few secrets.

Secret 63: Have a Clear Set of Goals you want to achieve

When setting this goal, make sure that it is not complex. In doing this, you
will ensure that different people in the group are not running towards
achieving different goals; the river is coursed in a single flow, thus making
the flow smoother.

Secret 64: Create a Shared Experience with the Mob

This is meant to reduce the suspicion that you could be trying to control
anyone. Lower yourself to their level by building a rapport, and sharing
experiences that you have gone through that are similar to theirs. Make them
feel comfortable working with you and create an impression in them that you
are a part of their group at all levels. Making the group feel like you
understand their struggles and whatever it is that they could e facing is an
effective tool to enhance your interaction with them.

Secret 65: Take Note of the Emotional State of the Group

When you are able to study the general feelings of the people about
something, you will gain an edge in controlling them. It is how we feel about
something that influences our actions in most cases. Therefore, knowing the
general feeling of the social group and inciting that emotion is a plus when
you do it effectively. People who are angry about something or the state of an
affair are more likely to respond positively when called to action. However,
there are other positive emotions such as excitement that can lead a group
into action. If you are able to trigger it among the group, you will high
chances get a positive response from them.

Secret 66: Isolate the Person who Leads the Group

In most cases, the group leader acts when they know that there is a crowd of
followers behind them to protect them in whatever decision they decide to
make. When you are able to isolate them from the group tactfully, you will
have reduced the control they have on them, and there, you can take over by
giving suggestions and calling the group to action.

Secret 67: Keep the Group United

When using social pressure, it is important that the members of the group do
not turn to each other at any one point. Some of the ways in which this unity
in a group can be achieved are by constantly reminding them of the set
objective and show them the things at stake if they dare divert from the set
goal. This should be done tactfully, so as to ensure that you are not accused
of valuing your objectives over the peace of different individuals within the
group.

Secret 68: Slogans and Tagline

People in a certain social grouping feel special when they have a set of words
that they can use to identify each other as belonging to that group. Depending
on the agenda, you can create a tagline, and this will help in bringing your
group closer and also keeping them focused on the agenda. A tagline or in the
present day, a hashtag is an effective way of controlling the mind of people
since it will seem like a fun way of owning your set vision.

Social pressure and social influence in our contemporary culture are mostly
used in product advertising and political campaign. When you get a group
that will ride on your vision, they will most likely influence other people into
your boat.
 MIND CONTROL STEPS
Mind control is an art that will require a lot of care when using it on a person.
In order for anyone to change their behavior and conform to something that a
group or anyone else is doing, there are some stages that they go through.
You can decide to apply mind tricks on your subject. They are usually short
term, fun, and weird. Tricks are usually fun to use, and they give you the user
motivation through the impression they create of the many things that can be
done with the mind of an individual. However, these tricks may at times
backfire, and they fail to achieve your planned purpose, but that is not a big
problem because, if they fail, you will have had fun, so it is a win-win
situation. Some of the secrets that are helpful while using mind trick on other
people are;

Secret 69: You are not the same person as your mistakes
Often, we find ourselves saying or doing things that hurt or shock other
people. These things may ruin the relationship or the trust we have with them
if we do not take time to reverse that mistake. The most workable trick here is
to separate yourself from the mistake. Every time you refer back to the
mistake, either it is a phrase that you said; you unconsciously link yourself to
the mistake. Normally, we have been taught to apologize and be sorry for
what we said. Or in some cases, minimize and try to rationalize our actions in
a way that will make the other person feel pleased. While this may be a good
approach, what we never see is how it draws the attention back to the insult,
and it may keep arousing the feeling in the other person. It is usually very
easy to tell when we have said something that the other person never
expected. Their facial expressions and immediate actions will say it all. When
you realize such a thing, step aside from the place you were standing or move
from the seat that you were sitting on when saying that and point at the spot
or the empty seat, also shocked that someone could do or say that. Say
something like, ‘Oh my God, I cannot believe she just did o said that.’ That
will bring a light moment, and the other person may end up laughing so hard
that the mistake is almost write off. However, you have to be careful about
going back to your initial spot. What moving initially does is, it separates you
from your actions or your speech. So when you try moving back to the spot
you were standing or seating before, this may link you back to your mistake.
Also, when pointing, avoid repeating the phrase or the action, because this
automatically brings back the feeling that it sparked initially. Over the phone,
you can also use this mind trick by asking something like did he just say what
I heard him say? Ooh, I can’t believe it. It will have the same effect of
separating you from a mistake that you did.

Secret 70: The Tilted Register Trick

This is usually used by people who maybe are in a financial crisis or who
simply want to try out mind tricks on other people. The trick is built form
what scientists call the seven plus or minus two. Imply to say that a human
brain can only process five to nine actions at a go. If it is tasked with more
than this, it stuffs everything else in the subconscious mind for later retrieval.
Most times, this trick may fail, but when the timing and the environment are
okay, it works well. A person may walk in a grocery store and buys a one-
dollar item and pay for it using a five-dollar note. When the cashier opens the
drawer to get the change, you may bomb them with suggestion that the
register is tilted and shortly before they process this, you suggest that they
give you a ten-dollar change and keep the rest suggesting shortly after with
the same quality of your voice that it looks like the register wobbles when the
drawer is opened. All these series of activities tend to lock up the mind of the
cashier. There are various possible reactions in such a situation. In this mind
trick, timing is everything. The controller ought to pay maximum attention,
so as to see how the attention of the cashier shifts from counting the change
to checking the tipping register. As the controller, you can wait to see how
much change the cashier hands to you. If they give you the ten-dollar that you
asked for, do not walk off immediately. If you notice that the cashier took
note of your suggestion, just shake it off by talking about the new math.
When, as the controller you realize that the cashier noticed the mistake they
had done, maintain a confused look just like them. Continued use of this trick
will make you realize how much people get distracted. Ethically, this trick
can be used in treating mental illnesses and some stress-related diseases. By
preoccupying yourself with many things, you push the thing that causes your
stress levels to rise to the subconscious mind, and you will be able to get
through the stress by diverting your attention to other things. Another way
that this trick can be used is getting your children to focus and stop doing
things that are wrong. You could give them a series of instructions on the
things they should do, his way, and it will send their mischievous behavior to
their subconscious mind. Keeping your children preoccupied with things to
do makes them stop acting out.

Secret 71: The Russian Game

Here the controller sits strategically at a place where he knows is frequented
by local people and tourists alike. The success of this trick depends entirely
on the person that one asks, and usually, you can only make the right guesses
on whom to ask for directions through experience. The controller will sit
somewhere with a map and wait for a passerby who is walking on their own.
The controller opens the map and dresses in a look of confusion and being
lost. They ask for the direction to a certain place, looking at the map and
pointing to the direction of the place he is asking for, this leaves the passerby
in confusion of where to focus on, either the direction being pointed on or the
map. The controller will then repeat the directions that the passer-by gave,
extending their hands to great them and then he gives the passer-by a water
bottle. The controller then begins patting his pocket frantically as if looking
for something while repeating the directions that the stranger gave to him.
Then he asks the stranger to hand him their wallet, then shortly asks for their
cell phone and finally the bottle of water they gave them. The controller
repeats the directions one more time and then walks away with everything
that has been given to them by the stranger. This game sounds easy and
unbelievable to imagine that someone can hand over their wallet and cell
phone to a person that was initially in need of help. However, if the right
person and the right environment are in existence, you find that this trick
works for up to 30% of the people that try it.

Secret 72: A Handshake Used to Interrupt People

A handshake is a common everyday thing that we do, but we never stop to
think about it or how it works. In most cases, we think of a handshake as a
single thing that is smoothly done while, in fact, a handshake is a series of
things that are joined seamlessly to appear as one. The ordinary handshake
has eight distinct steps, which include bending your elbow to form a right
angle while extending your right hand. By doing so, the palm of the extended
hand is facing left, and you move your arm forward while trying to reach out
for the right arm of the other party. This is followed by getting hold of the
hand of the other person, and the two interlocked hands are moved up and
down, and shortly, they are separated. These actions are accompanied by a
smile and direct eye contact with the other person in order to show the mutual
warmth that exists between the two people. When any of these steps to the
normal handshake is interrupted or change, it usually throws the other person
into a confusion of trying to figure out what they are supposed to do next.
There are several ways in which someone can interrupt a handshake.

The first version involves doing the normal handshake which involves you
extending your hand and taking hold of the other person’s hand. When the
two hands meet, the controller can shift the focus of their eyes and give an
emotionless, cold gaze at nothing. When trying to let go off the hand of the
subjects, a few finger and thumb tricks will do. For example, you could you
can let the fingers loose and then tighten the thumb around the hand’s upper
part. Before letting go of the subject’s thumb, tighten the last two fingers in
the area around your hand and slowly pull them away while still maintaining
the empty gaze. The subject at this moment is left still and freezing, their
hands unable to move, and their gaze transfixed on yours. As the controller,
you must be very keen to notice the amount of confusion that your actions
send to the subject. In that moment of confusion, the controller should be
keen to give any suggestions then, for example, they could tell the subject to
relax, leaving them to feel better. At this point also, you could suggest to
your subject how important your meeting is and then go ahead to create
amnesia for the suggestion you just made. From here, you could go back to
your normal conversation and complete the handshake in a normal way. On
the other hand, you could use other conversations that do not necessarily
make your subject feel good or bad, but they are the mischievous type. For
example, you could pull something like, ‘ooh, your hands are stuck.’ that
would throw the subject into some form of confusion.

Another version of the handshake interruption can be done where the

controller shifts their focus from the subject when their hands are almost
coming into contact. Then, the controller slowly lifts the hand of the subject
slowly and brings it closer to their face, trying to tell the subject to take a
look at their hand. Then, this may be followed by a series of some other
commands. In both these versions of interrupting the handshake, the
controller is usually keen on referring to the hand of the subject s the hand,
something that helps in making the subject to view the hand as something
that is separate from them and not a part of their body. This allows it to be
manipulated. Some of the ways in which this trick can work ethically are to
bring people’s attention and to spark excitement and anticipation for a
meeting. Also, this trick helps in warming up, in a case where you are
meeting someone that you have not quite built a rapport with, and you need
to break the ice between the both of you, interrupting the handshake will
work well for the both of you.

Secret 73: Enchantment

This is usually a mind control trick that is the most powerful because it is
based on the human need to be enchanted, which is generally the opposite of
being cursed. The feeling of enchantment is usually created by someone
narrating a story that has magic in it, and this draws an individual’s attention
to a world that is full of possibilities, and everything can be done without the
safety of an individual being compromised. As the controller, using this trick
will require that you have the ability to create this world of enchantment in
your own thoughts, and that will make it easier for you to create it in the
world of other people. The operator should also have an intense liking for
their subject. This does not mean that they should look into having a romantic
relationship with their subject; instead, they should look for something that
will create a deep connection and a feeling of affection for their subject. This
feeling of liking the subject automatically causes the controller to focus all of
their attention on the subject. This will work for the controller in building a
rapport with the subject, because when you give someone a lot of attention,
they will feel drawn to you as well, and there will be a willingness for them
to open up to you. After the controller has established this deep sense of
connection, they can now shift their focus to the goal that they need to be
achieved. As the controller, you should also check out for your personal
fulfillment. If you are completely satisfied with the interaction that you are
having with the subject, then there will be no chance of being disappointed,
regardless of how your subject chooses to respond. This will require a
controller that you have a great sense of flexibility. Rigidity causes you to
become fixed on only one of the possible outcomes. However, the reality of
life is, you can either winner lose, but in everything, we keep trying. As the
controller, being flexible will cause you to keep trying other things when one
does not work out. Finally, as the controller, you are tasked with the
responsibility of creating some eagerness and a sense of excitement both
within yourself and within the subject. When you have some sense of
excitement, it is usually easy to spread it to the other person. When you are
able to create a magical world for yourself, it will not be hard to create it for
the other person. What makes this especially possible is the rapport that you
create with the subject. Since you at first created an impression in them that
you deeply care about them, they will gladly swim towards your direction in
this.

Secret 74: Mystical Manipulation

There are some common occurrences that happen in life, either as a result of
fate or coincidence. However, these occurrences can be modified to look like
something that has a supernatural power behind them. The occurrences of
such things can be used to create a sense of greatness in people or to instill a
sense of fear in someone so that you can motivate them to change their
behavior and action. The controller either creates circumstances that can be
used to drive in the lessons that he wants to be understood by his subjects or,
they can use a circumstance that happened naturally and explain it in a
supernatural way. The controller then uses some techniques that are likely to
change the thinking of the subjects. If they make the subject repeat a phrase,
a tagline or some written words over and over, they are going to stick to their
memory, and from there on, their interpretation of every occurrence in life
will be influenced by these words and preset world view. For example, there
are people who have been told that every bad thing happens to them as a
consequence of their sin. In that way, every time, they experience difficulty
in life or something that is experienced by every normal human being, they
start looking for what they could have done wrong, or where they have
missed the mark. This trick also works well for cults, and you will find that
often times, cults have leaders who cannot be questioned by anyone and they
are the superior most members of the group. Then, their followers will
depend on them to interpret the life occurrences that they could be
experiencing, for example, financial difficulties, relationship problems, and
others. Instead of these leaders giving them the practical part of the problem,
for example, how they could improve on their work ethics so that they can
get out of the financial crisis or, how they could work on finishing off their
debts so that they can be free financially, they will look for a means that
looks supernatural, for example offering sacrifices. On the other hand, instead
of giving relationship advice that is practical and doable by someone on a
natural level, such as bettering yourself and putting the needs of other people
first, they derive things such as being bewitched. This use of the supernatural
leaves the followers unable to solve the problem on their own, and
constantly, it keeps them under the mercies of their leader, who is able to see
and deal with the supernatural.

Secret 75: Confessions and Testimonies

This is also a Mind trick that is common in our contemporary society. The
trick is usually aimed at checking the behavior of certain people and making
them change to a certain pre-approved behavior that is acceptable within the
group. In most cases, this strategy is closely tied to guilt and shame. People
who confess of having broken a certain rule are seen as outsiders, and they
may be isolated from the rest of the group. In addition, their actions could be
used constantly against them; guilt-tripping is common is such groups as the
leaders believe that these two will bring a change. However, this strategy can
be used positively to bring change of behavior in people. For example, when
people within a group confess of their struggle with something, and the
culture of the group as acceptance as its most highly held value, the group
will offer the struggling individual with the necessary support that is required
to change and get through the struggle.

Secret 76: Dangers of Using Mind Control

Mind control is an important tool when used positively to manipulate people
ethically. It is through mind control that we are able to get people into buying
our products, loving our TV shows, giving us their votes in an election, and
so many other things in the various aspects of life. However, there is not a
thing in the universe that lacks a dark side and so is mind control.

There may be a lost human connection. Human beings have an ingrained

longing for love, connection, and belonging. However, when you get used to
using mind control, this longing will not be reduced by your ability to
connect with people on level ground is affected. Mind control often makes a
person look at people like objects, and all you keep doing is looking for
loopholes in which you can lead and manipulate those people for your gain.
Deeper connections, however, require a design of trust in a way that both
parties are comfortable around each other without any of them thinking how
they will benefit from the other person or without the other person being
suspicious of the moves their friend makes. It is hard to make genuine
connections when you keep directing your energy on how to manipulate a
person’s beliefs or ways or actions. However, this danger is controllable to a
certain extent. When an individual realizes that they will never be fully
satisfied by objectifying everyone, they can take the necessary steps to build
a balance. This requires a lot of introspection and sorting out. Try to exercise
your ability to build pure relationship by making friends and never thinking
of how you can manipulate them. Also, build boundaries, if you use mind
control fr business purposes, for example, to drive sales, avoid using the same
techniques on your close family members or your spouse. This will help you
in creating a healthy balance.
Addiction to power. Having control of people’s mind give you a sculpture
over everyone that comes across you. They may be holding a title, that’s fine,
and you may not be having one. However, if you are able to change the mind
of a person, then a title would not be important. This familiarity with power
and winning all the time weakens our ability to follow or learn from any
failure whatsoever. We take failure as personal, and such people can be
utterly destroyed by a slight failure that could have taught them a lesson
instead. Also, when you are required to follow, it becomes hard for you to do
so, because you are used to leading, this is generally known as egomania.
Somehow, this can make you a bad team player, because of the desire to
always have your way. When placed in a group to brainstorm or strategize on
something, you might find that you are listening to the rest of the members so
that you can pick up points that will give you an edge in controlling their
minds so that they can end up doing what you think is best. However, you
might realize that someone else in the team had a better idea than yours, but
simply because you cannot stand another person’s way, you end up ruining
the whole thing.

Paranoia is likely to build. Using mind control over time again makes you
feel like you are invisible to resistance. However, for people who have not
mastered mind control, they may take criticism for what it is, an attempt to
give feedback in a bid to improve performance. However, continued use of
mind control makes you think that anyone that criticizes your action is
opposing you are seeking to destroy you. You may end up taking any
corrections personally and creating unnecessary grudges. Some of the ways
you can tell when paranoia is building are when you keep looking for
defenses any time you are engaged in a conversation with someone that
seems to be calling you out on something that you probably did. Also, when
you keep viewing the world as bifurcated into against and for you, you are
probably paranoid about being realized that you have been using mind
control on people. Another characteristic of people who are beginning to get
paranoid is, they hardly ever have fun, even after achieving whatever goal
they were running after in the first place. They keep looking out for their
enemies and planning on ways in which they can sabotage their plans against
them. At times, those enemies are never real but imagined enemies.

A confined world view, continued use of mind control puts you on the
pedestal of importance. You are human, but you live in the denial of not
being like everyone else. You feel more important, and you take life way too
seriously. What happens with kind of attitude is that you begin to believe in
everything you tell yourself, and you repel any form of counsel given by
whoever. With that, you keep messing up on things that you would have
probably listened to a piece of advice from a friend. Again, brainstorming
and inviting new worldviews expands the lenses through which we view the
world in, however, when we are caught up in the thought of being the ideal
human, we lock out everyone else, and that way, we never learn, we remain
the same people over the ages. Having many friends and being open to
listening can help fix this problem. The worst part about being confined in
your own world is that you get obsessed with gaining more power and
manipulating more people. Over time, you will realize that this still does not
answer all your life questions. That is why you will need people who can see
things differently people who can banter and are not over-obsessed with
being in power or in control by all they want is to live life a day at a time
without taking themselves too seriously.

Sadism, over time, using mind control may lead you to break boundaries and
losing your values. When all you want to do is achieve your goals without
caring about your subjects, you will go to whatever extremes, con people,
abuse them, and all that. However, when used with your interest and the
interests of your subjects in mind, it is a powerful tool. When applying it, it is
important to take the rule of thumb into consideration. ‘Do unto others, what
you would love done unto you.’ If in doing something you are in a way
convinced that you wouldn’t love anyone to do that to you, make sure you do
not do it.

Mistrust, using mind control, may, at times, work, and sometimes, it may fail.
When you are starting it out, and you fail to coin the techniques with the
necessary strategy, there is a likelihood that you will mess up the whole
thing. When your intentions are exposed to the subject, it may destroy any
rapport that had developed between the both of you and create resentment
and a feeling of betrayal on your subject. Some of the extreme cases are when
you use mind control to promise the subject that you will deliver some
desired values, which leads them into trusting you, and then, later on, you fail
to do so. This may end up ruining a business that you had built over the years
or a relationship that you had tried creating.

Some processes may take longer than they should have ideally. When
someone gets used to mind control as their only techniques of operation, they
will require to carefully calculate before making a decision or before getting
anything done. For example, if one is using NLP so that they can get to sell a
product, they will require a lot of time to research and get to understand each
client and their needs and how their minds work so that they can employ
mind control. This process can take longer as compared to if the salesperson
just made the goods available in the market for the buyers to purchase
whenever they want, or if they just run a single advert that would make
people aware of the availability of the product and then leave them to make a
choice.

Continued use of mind control effects, in general, the way you see people.
When you are not aware of what the other people could be thinking about
you, you hardly ever stop to think about it. When you have made it a habit to
over-analyze and think of people at suspect, you will hardly ever enjoy your
time with them. There will always be a voice in the inside of you that will tell
you that you, too, can be prey to someone else’s manipulative strategy. This
will make you constantly build unnecessary walls to shield yourself from
imaginary manipulation. Also, you will tend to over-analyze people’s actions
and statements, something that may result in chaos and disagreements that
are unnecessary.
 CHAPTER 4: PERSUASION
METHODS
Priming the mindset
Secret 77: Schema
When talking about priming, we are primarily concerned with the way our
schema is activated towards a certain subject. Typically, the stereotypes of
the prime focus on the questionnaire planted to intrigue the interest towards a
certain topic. More often, people tend to employ the questionnaire strategy to
gauge the schema of other individuals concerning a given subject. However,
this should not always be the case as portrayed by researchers, and they
suggest that priming a schema normally exposes people to certain words and
ideas related to those schema.

According to Chen, Bargh, and Burrows (1996), using word puzzle task
normally relate people to being elderly, and they tend to behave in such a
manner to mimic the elderly. In such events, people will concur with the
experimental results expressed in the way they walk, talk and even the
reasoning. They get the encrypted notion of a wise older adult and express
their feelings that way. Besides, priming can also occur entirely outside our
imagination where it is expressed unconsciously. For instance, when two
logos of a company like Apple and BMM, is flashed on the board for a group
of people, the likelihood of remembering the creative connotation of Apple
logo is very high as compared to noncreative IBM logo.

Secret 78: Our Surrounding

Therefore, our perception of the world is largely determined by the prime of
our surroundings, the thing we interact with daily. It is normal to perceive
thing from the knowledge angle we already possess, what we already know
about a given subject greatly determined by the schema largely contribute to
the conclusion we make. By describing the favorable schema, we are likely to
arrive at the solution based on the initial target. For instance, commercial
advertisers know how to use the schema of the audience; they set the best
time to air their adverts, which in turn impacts the audience's attention. By
doing so, they can create a long-lasting impact on their audience through the
impression configured at the right moment for consumption. In such case,
they can manipulate the audience thinking and persuade them to see things in
their perspective thus creating sales. The priming effect created by the
advertisers ensures that the viewers are tuned towards the subject in the right
mood. It can be during the favorable television show when the moods are
right, and the possibility of denying the trap is irresistible. The last scene
before the commercial break is activated in the individual schema thus
making them associate everything to the last scene of the show fully.

On the other hand, airing exciting marketing adverts after a commercial break
of engaging and fascinating shows, which is considered to entail somber
mood, does not make sense. For instance, in such shows, like Grey's anatomy
where the commercial break ends in a depressing cliffhanger. Where a likable
character discovers that he has cancer and he is going to die, then bam!
Commercial break. Here, the audience will be tuned to the show and any
advert aired at that moment will be associated with cancer. In case the
marketing team decides on airing a given product associated with dietary.
Most probably, the negative side of the product will impact the viewers’
attention. However, for a smart advertiser, such a show commercial break
should be the getaway for advertising life insurance. People are made aware
that death exists, and the possibility of dying with cancer is very dominant.
The advertiser will intrigue a feeling of fear, the vulnerability of the disease
and the desire to live a better life despite the disease.

Moreover, the audience will be manipulated to take the premium to cover the
family so that they do not fall culprit of the agony of not taking the cover.
The last episode before the break will impact the audience to take the
initiative of taking the insurance cover for the family and themselves. They
are persuaded towards the action and its appeal to them at the right time.

Furthermore, the airing commercial at this moment for a non-health product

can be a more horrible marketing strategy to the consumers. It tends to create
a notion of depression to the viewers where they will badly associate the
products with the schema of sadness, hopelessness, and other negative
feelings. By doing so, they will tend to avoid such products since they will
always associate them with the show they viewed in their television and the
kind of character they know. Even if the products are much appealing to
them, they will not sort out the positive side of it. All they will do is to
associate the negative impression of the product at all time.

Secret 79: Positive and Negative Feelings

When persuading people, igniting positive or negative feelings towards the
subject of discussion is very important. In this case, the insurance company
can easily get away with the deal considering the state of mind the potential
customer is already at in the moment. All they have to do is to incline more
on the negative side of the situation bring out the solution they can offer.
Only a few in the world do not need help, and when such an offer is made,
they are always ready to make it happen. They will subscribe no matter the
amount needed from them. They are already tuned that such events will
impact their lives and they will go any distance to make it impossible.
Creating such an impression enables the commercial advertisers to win more
clients to their products, and it is done unconsciously by the clients.
Moreover, it is ethically right to enlighten people on certain matters which
prove to be important for them. They will take pleasure in such pleasures and
participate fully. Despite the impact of such situations imposed on them, the
crucial thing is the impact it makes in their lives, how they tend to change
their views. By using this concept, one can persuade, influence and control
the situation the way they want it to be.

Secret 80: Triggering Perception

Furthermore, one can trigger more perception through standard schema.
Here, one will only trigger the perception aiming at triggering open-
mindedness through simple prime schema. All you need is to expose one to
words related to open-mindedness - like elastic, flexible, change, and rubber.
These words trigger open-mindedness perception in people, and people tend
to behave in a conforming way to those words. The open-minded schema of a
person is activated through flexibility perception. You only need to get
someone to think of the concept in such a way that appeals to them, how they
can interact with the concept to bring out the meaning. One only need to
expose the target to open-mindedness concept, which enables them to reason
towards the intended perception of the event. By doing so, one can influence
the reasoning ethically.

Moreover, open-minded perception is activated through a conversation

revolving around the intended concept of open-minded in order to influence
the reaction or action of the individual. For instance, one needs to request
before presenting a message or putting the intended point across in a given
situation. One can narrate a story about someone who did a given experiment
and how they succeed in such experiments. The way they went about the
experiment in such a fascinating way which captures the interest of many.
The story can be used to initiate the conversation and capture the audience's
interest thus creating an open-mindedness perception of how the event
occurred.

Making an innocent statement like, remember how you told me about that
pop music, I did not like the sound at first but the more I listen to it the more
it appealed to me, and I finally liked it at the end. Such a statement will
attract the audience's attention, and they are likely to fall prey to the intended
manipulation. It will activate their schema through an open-minded. In such a
situation, they can fall for anything you say. However, the way we say those
things matters a lot in such situations. When you intend to persuade people to
agree on your way of thinking, one need to put himself in their shoes, feel
what they feel, and then manipulate them towards the intended direction. It is
like asking people to think about their mother. The association of mother with
a given situation, how motivating a mother is, how encouraging they are is
what appeal to them when such feelings are associated. They will take the
event from such perspective of a mother. Commonly, anyone who thinks
through the schema of open-mindedness takes things through the perspective
in a motivating manner.

Secret 81: Motivate your Target to Participate

Concisely, it is ethically right to state the kind of situation in such a way that
motivates the other party to participate. It does not mean that you need to lie
about what happened in the past, how such events occurred. The main
purpose of using those conversation initiators is to create interest, manipulate
the listener towards a positive manner in order to dictate their perception
towards the desired goal.

The conversation initiated must revolve around the open-mindedness to

portray a clear intention and the intended perception. For instance, if one
tends to create a positive view on how people perceive something, the need to
admit that the situation did not appeal to your liking before you knew it well,
but later you came to love it might appeal to them. In such a situation, they
will view it in your perspective and take it the way you use to take it though
they do not realize the twist. How you intend to manipulate their view, how
the influence is coming about in such an event. It is a mind game, and only
the bright will notice the twist and how it is conveyed though it is harmless,
and you have nothing to lose at the end of it all. The more detailed the
conversation is and the more elaborate it is conveyed to the listener, the more
it becomes convincing. One should not just state something and live it there
for the listener to conclude on their own. If you do that, the likelihood that
they will not be convinced with the story is very high and become irrelevant
since the intended intention is not achieved. A more elaborate story triggers
favorable perception on the listener thus making them more liable to
manipulation and influence of the story. Why tell a story or have a baseless
conversation with no intended goal at the end of it all.

Secret 82: Priming Versatility

The versatility of priming also has a great benefit of spreading the activation.
It uses diverse requests to make the schema more effective and appealing to
everyone. Suppose one intends to place an advertisement on the magazine to
promote a book the editor may intend to speak to the representative about the
placement and if a few topics appear in the issue. There is a likelihood that
the intended article had a predecessor that succeeded in the field, and one
may associate it with the initial article. In such situations, the persuader may
take advantage of the initial success of the other article making such a copy in
the same space; if the persuader succeeds in taking the bestseller schema
position and purchase the whole pace for the intended book. Though the
readers will realize the difference in the publisher's view, they will still take
the new book as the substitute of the former bestseller. Here is where the
perception of the readers is changed to fit the current circumstances at hand.
The bestseller schema is activated, and they are made aware that the new
article is just the same as the other one.
Secret 83: Initiate Acquiescence towards your Request
The perception can still be triggered to initiate compliance towards a request.
It is important to note that this kind of situation greatly relies on the behavior
than the open-mindedness. Here, one needs to different prime mindset to put
the point across. For instance, a conversation about a person complying with
a request is likely to trigger the compliance schema in a person.
 ANCHORING PERCEPTION
According to Amos Tversky and Danial Kahneman, the psychological
principle, on anchoring effect on human judgment and decision making,
majorly relies on relative distance from the anchor points. For instance, when
somebody asks you that, is the average price of textbooks at the college
library greater or less than $9,324.85? The probability of quoting a less price
is very high. This kind of notion is very normal according to the way people
tend to perceive things. The real shocker in the depicted question above is
that the estimate could be much higher if the question of the average price
were not included. People usually tend to make a judgment using distance
anchors from the normally expected average points.

Secret 84: Numerical Anchors

The primary purpose of using prime numerical anchors is to activate certain
mental images that tend to influence the estimate view of a person. The
suggested primed numbers basically attempt one to think awkwardly and
underestimate the actual number as expected in the result giving a lower
estimate from the expected. The mental images guide the judgment of a
person, and one tends to follow the actual judgment posed by the mental
image in reality.

Secret 85: Anchoring and Judgment Heuristics

In addition to priming, there are several explanatory phenomena behind the
anchoring concept on the judgment. It is usually referred to as the anchoring
and adjustment heuristic due to its judgment made per some anchor points.
One tends to make judgment towards their reasonable view of how the things
are despite the actual estimates on the ground. They live in denial and self-
belief that what they think is the best and are what to be in such instances
though this ought to lead to potentially harmful and inaccurate judgment in
some instances. The anchor can boost the perception in scenarios such as
working as customer care or a salesperson in a given organization. In such
settings, the salesperson has adored the responsibility of sending the emails,
asking for orders and responding to the client's requests on behalf of the
company. In such cases, one may be tempted to offer higher numerical
anchor to alter the client’s perception. This will probably lead to a large
purchase more than the expected estimate on their part. They will typically
buy from you provided that the perception and influence are made in order
and it fit their mental anchor perspective, they cannot deny the trap but buy to
feed their ego. In most instances, a salesperson may come up with different
persuasion methods to hinder the decision making process of the buyer.
To some extent, it is good to market the products in order to achieve the set
goals and the objectives of the company. By doing so, they come up with
different anchoring persuasion applications which suites the customers need
at the moment concerning what they are selling to the customer. The method
is predictably irrational to meet the target of the anchor points, whereby the
client is allowed to compare the available options.

At one point, a company may decide to offer some products in the market,
such as, product A and B. in this case, for instance, product A is set to be
offered at $70, and the customer has to make his or her delivery, and product
B is offered at 110, and the company take care of the delivery to the customer
premises. In these two scenarios, 65% will take the first option of purchasing
the products while making their delivery and 35% will take the other option.
It is easy for a salesperson to influence this kind of market scenario to attract
more revenue. One may be asking how that can happen. Here is the solution,
the clients are human beings, and they need more offer at their comfort
without struggling. In this case, the salesperson can introduce option B1,
which is a bit similar to the initial option B. the option be like, the company
offers the product at $110 with delivery service plus free installation to the
client. Customers will be tempted to compare the initial delivery option plus
the second option where the installation is done for them. In this case, there
will be a shift in mind and the market option will be reversed since many will
tend to get the last option at $110 thus increasing the revenue of the
company. The alteration of the initial offer will make people think that the
last option is the best, and they will not think of the expenses incurred in such
purchase; all they will see is the benefit which comes with it — the delivery
service and free delivery without noticing the added expenses on their
budget.
Secret 86: The Contrast Effect
Due to the contrast effect, the last option became seemingly the best for
clients to consider while purchasing the same product. Since there is no
equivalent product option for product A, many will prefer the third option for
product B. it is the newly added option that makes people make such
irrational decisions where sales are concerned. The option tends to worsen
the first option A and make the second option better through the added choice
on it for clients to choose from when making the purchase. The similar option
mix makes people vulnerable, and they likely fall for the anchor of judging
similar existing options of the products. In this case, the new option is
perceived as a clear winner, and the initial option is regarded as passive and
undesirable for the clients in the market place.

Therefore, when applying the decoy effect in business dealings, it is

advisable to give three options to the customers whereby the two options will
aid to more profitability, and one option is just ceremonial. Here, one option
should be priced low, followed by medium, and the other one is set extremely
high. The options will dictate the customer’s perspective of making the
purchase. In some instances, clients may perceive the low price products as
invaluable and low quality whereas the high priced products are seen as of
high value and good quality even if they have the same quality. It is the
perception of the client which matters here, and the mental model of these
customers can be altered through setting the options.

The strategy does not only apply to product sales only; it can also be
employed elsewhere to minuscule life moments. For instance, one can easily
influence friends to eat at a particular restaurant, suppose there is a choice to
be made on where to take lunch or breakfast at a given moment. There can be
a mixed reaction between friends on where to take the meals from, and with a
well-planned decoy effect, one is likely to win over them. One can easily put
odds on their favor when you already know the dislike on other person’s part
in order to influence their decision. The contrast effect tends to do wonders in
this part, and it can easily influence the perspective of the decision thus
making the manipulation easy and effective at any given point. Through the
manipulation and influence, one can easily take control of the situation and
make it work in their favor.
Secret 87: The Door-In-The-Face Technique
The door-in-the-face technique can be used to persuade people towards
certain compliance. This strategy is used to trigger a high request bargain,
followed by a smaller request. For instance, one may ask the customer to
purchase a given set of shoe pairs for neighbors or coworkers which tend to
be impossible for many people. When the request is narrowed down to a
family level, the likelihood of making the purchase high and people will
finally succumb to such a request. The larger favor is only used to trigger the
contrast which tends to make the intended favor to look reasonable and
admirable by the buyer. According to research done recently, it was revealed
that any large request with no small contrasting request tends to attract little
to no attention at all. However, when the smaller request is mad, many people
tend to comply with such requests even if it was only to elicit their interest
with no financial gain out of the request. It is like playing mind games where
people seem to comply with a competing product in the market.

The same is applied in the relationship when one compares the love they have
for their partner with that of Romeo and Juliet. In this case, one needs to
bring a clear contrast than just implying they love their partner in clear and
dry words. The intention and the applied effort must be feasible in order to
get the intended favor from the partner. The request will be perceived as a
small thing as compared to the love which exists between the two of you, and
without fail, the partner will tend to comply with meeting the expectation.
 CONVEYING
EXPECTATIONS
Expectations largely dominate how people perceive things to be and the
general appearance of the world. Whenever a perception of a given event is
developed, we tend to develop the expectation in our brains on how we tend
to mold the event to fit the expectation. It is clear that we only see what we
expect to see out of the event and not on the contrary. Also, we feel the way
we expect to feel to concur with nature as it is supposed to be. No wonder we
usually get disappointed when we do not get the expected results from the
perceived events. For instance, administering a placebo to patients instead of
the actual drugs in the hospital tends to yield the same result as the actual
drugs though placebo does not perform the same role. The fake version of
drugs tends to imply the same result according to patients expectation and
perception, but they do not hinder anything in the patient's system. The
perception created by the patients is the lead to their survival and the cure of
their illness. In this case, patients tend to perceive the drug to yield the same
expectation as any other drug without noticing the implication and the deceit
the doctors are using.

Secret 88: Creating Expectations

The version created by the expectation makes it easy for one to create the best
implication for conversation and result oriented. The testing of antibiotics is a
true reflection of what happened in the world today, how people perceive
things, the demand, and the expectations of human beings. Here is where the
expectations are altered to meet the need of the person. The target becomes
vulnerable after the expectation has been realized by the prey or the person
intending to seek the benefit from him or her in the process. Usually, one will
feel enlightened by the knowledge of how things are done, how they tend to
meet the expected result and the outcome. In such a case, like that of brand
preference, when people are faced with choices of the brand of a beverage
between Coke and Pepsi we cannot deny the fact that both brands have good
marketing strategy and the dominance in the market is well known. However,
many people will still prefer coke instead of Pepsi. This kind of perception is
not because Pepsi is much expensive than coke or that it tastes better than the
other. The preference is out of market dominance and brand awareness,
which has been created over the years. Therefore, the expectation and the
perception created by the customers tend to make the difference. It will be
much easier for one to convince the customer to purchase coke instead of
Pepsi even at a higher price than it is in the market. People will still leave
Pepsi beverages in such of coke even if the price of the Pepsi product has
been lowered. This is due to expectation created by the clients concerning the
coke product, and they only get satisfied after receiving the product.

Secret 89: Reversing Expectations

Interestingly, the expectation can be reversed by carry out a taste test where
the two products are delivered in different mugs to customers. People will
tend to love the Pepsi taste without realizing that the taste is much better than
that of coke. In such a scenario, one can be convinced of the implication and
the great discovery, thus making them more compliance with the brand. The
expectations tend to mold our perception and behavior. How we perceive
things in society usually influences the general outcome of how such things
are in real life. The initial knowledge on a certain event tends to give a clear
view of how we expect to act or how we react towards achieving certain set
objectives in life. For instance, in research, people purchase a given energy
drink at a different price. Some purchasing at $2.5 and others purchase the
same drink at a lower price, like $1.4.

The drinks are the same but are sold at a different price to consumers. The
researchers then examined the performance of the two categories of people
who purchase energy drinks. In their examination, they realize that those who
purchase the products at full price performed better than those who purchase
the energy drink at a lower price. The results were fascinating, and it attracted
more curiosity on how that tend to come about. Generally, those who
purchase at high prices expected the high performance of the product on
them, and they receive what they expected. The high expectation developed
by those who purchase the drinks at high cost makes them perform well
unlike their counterparts who did not expect much from the drinks since they
bought it cheaply. Just like purchasing a dress from a fashion collection at a
high price and the other person buy the same dress at the local market at a
lower price. He who bought at the cloth line collection tends to value that
dress more than the other person. It is a matter of the expectation put on
something which makes them viable to achieve the desired results.

Secret 90: Molding the Perception you Desire

If you want people to perceive something as you want it to be perceived to
meet your favorable desire, one must set the expectation of such events or
actions. By doing so, they will be able to mold the perception towards the
desired expectation even by injecting their view in the perception. Therefore,
the first impression matters a lot in this scenario where the order of the event
is slightly altered to fit the need. It is the way we view things that make them
different when they are just the same. In case one is faced with different
scenarios, the positive scenario, and negative scenario. One will tend to
develop an attitude towards the two perspectives of the problem at hand. The
positive scenario will be faced with a more favorable impression to illicit the
intended positive event out of the long run. In this case, the outcome is
expected to be positive, and the mental model of the person undertaking the
task has been switched to meet the expected result.

Secret 91: Initial Perception is Critical

On the other hand, a negative event will be tackled negatively in such a way
that there is nothing positive to be expected out of it. The feeling of dejection,
boredom, and neglect will encompass the action being taken, making it look
even worse than expected. In such situations, the result of the action will be
negative and undesirable, as expected before the beginning of the auction
process. Therefore, setting the right priority when embarking on a task is very
crucial, it influences the expectation and the result in the long run. The initial
expectation set by an individual tends to determine the end product, the
expectation of the result. In any case you want to influence people towards
your schema; the initial impression matters a lot. One can easily influence
others and manipulate them to get the same mentality of how things are done
by setting up the expectation. For instance, a coach in a football match must
need to motivate the team towards winning a match, and the expectation is
set as positive to influence any other barriers which may hinder the team
from achieving the intended results.

Secret 92: Perception of Motivation

Contrary to that, a team that is not motivated or a team that has much chaos
within them tends to perform poorly despite the ability they have and the
inferiority of the competing team. To make it worse, those who are not self-
motivated towards doing a given task usually perform terribly, and they do so
due to the mentality of the expectation at the moment. Creating a positive
impression manipulated towards a desired set objective creates a neutral field
for the mind, and it makes it flexible for creativity. The innovation of the
mind is achieved through the perception and the notion of getting the best
result out of a given project. Ever wonder why some people perform poorly,
and others perform well. It is not a matter of being clever than others, nor
does it have much to do with the priorities or educational advantage of these
people.

Secret 93: Altering Expectations

In most cases, it has much to do with the perspective of their expectations on
the turn of events. If someone is negative about a given event, there is little
you can do to alter their thinking to think positively about the same event.
What one can do is to alter their expectations. If they expect things to turn out
to be negative, find a way of convincing them by showing them the positive
side of the event or the situation. If possible, give them proof of how things
were done before and how it turned out to be positive and admirable at the
end. By doing so, one can capture their attention and make them perceive
things in a different way, making them perusable to meet the perceived
expectation thus meeting the set target. Through that, they can be easily
influenced according to the forces of the initiator of the action.
 CHAPTER 5: LEARNING
TO TAKE CONTROL
Learning from Pacesetters
People who have succeeded possess a high level of confidence and ego as
well as other numerous characteristics that propel them to achieve their goals.
On the other hand, people who have not attained such a level of success are
left wondering what successful people are like and what they possess that
they lack.

What these people fail to realize is that successful people possess the
courage, attitude, poise, and other traits that position them for success both
financially and in other life aspects. This makes them seem too perfect that
other people wonder what they do differently or whether they were created
uniquely. What they fail to realize is that such people place themselves and
their needs first before everyone or everything else. They focus on what is
important for them before addressing other people’s issues. They spend less
time thinking about other people or things that do not help them grow. This
way, they influence other people around them to accord them respect and
regard them with high esteem.

Why you ask because people not only observe attitude and behavior, but also
the character a person portrays and they respond to the character
subconsciously. Such people are pacesetters and goal-getters in society, and
they are highly respected. They believe in themselves, and they believe that
they are capable of achieving anything they set out to do. Turning
impossibilities to possibilities are almost natural for them because they see no
limitations in everything they venture in. this is the people you need to learn
from if you seek to be bold, confident in what you do, and courageous
enough to build yourself positively. It all starts with implementing the right
persuasion techniques so that you can get what you need to grow from other
people. This entails using dark psychology ethically to ensure that you do not
affect people around negatively, but you are smart enough to get what you
need from them in order to grow. While at it, you may also influence them to
start building their lives positively. Persuasion techniques used by pacesetters
include;

Secret 94: Playing the Gallery

You need to ask for favors or whatever you need from people in the right
manner for you to get things flowing as you would want. For example, if you
have a friend who barely uses his car over the weekends and you would like
to borrow it for a weekend; you need to make your request in a manner that
will get your friend too concerned that he will not be in a position to deny
your request. When you ask him whether you can borrow his car over the
weekend, you give him the chance to either say yes or no because you were
too direct. But, if you said something like “your car is very comfortable, and I
enjoyed driving it the last time I had it.” Your friend will feel appreciated and
understand that you value his car as much as he does. Then, go on to ask
whether he would allow you to enjoy the comfort one more time. By taking
this approach, you have already triggered a predetermined response from
your friend and chances are that he will grant you the request.

Secret 95: Read People’s Minds with Ease

For you to manipulate someone effectively, you must first learn what triggers
them because human beings are different, and they respond to different
triggers. Reading a person’s mind helps you to determine the best approach
you can take to ensure that they succumb to your desires and needs. Note that
some people are too emotional that you may not need to do much to get them
to grant you whatever you need from them. This secret basically entails using
a person’s weaknesses to get what you need from them. Beyond the five
human senses, people are able to sense what other people are thinking. This is
known as mind reading.

Secret 96: Developing a Connection

It's another way that you can actually get somebody to assume that you both
have the same purpose. To achieve that, you need to learn and exploit what
concerns you. Take a girl, for example, you like her, and you're going to go
out to the cinema on a date. You will quickly get her to meet you if you know
her films or her favorite film character. Your strategy is really important now.
"You want to watch a movie with me when you ask? Or' there's a blockbuster
movie, you want to step in at the cinema? In such a system, the answer you
want will not necessarily be obtained. So, you can't be too sure whether she
will accept your invite or not. You must, therefore, use a better approach,
which does not leave us with anything other than accepting the bid. How
about it like this' Chris Hemsworth is one of my favorite actors, and I am sure
you'll be happy to see his upcoming' Avenger' movie with me as well? When
you ask her specifically to watch a film with you, she can only say' no,' but
she will be highly tempted to accept your invitation by creating a link with
something that would be of interest to her, and you both have a common
interest. She only has to determine if she wants a good time to watch a film
that she would love to watch. Nonetheless, you can still play with words to
make an enticing invitation if this does not work for you. Please let her know
that you are both involved and hitting! "As I do, I know Chris Hemsworth is
one of your favorite actors, and I'm sure you're going to never miss a chance
to watch' Avengers,' meaning you're going to come along with me at a game,
aren't you? “To reject such an invitation would require someone with an
extreme personality. The terms are quite persuasive to the point that they
cannot deny your invitation because you did not leave it to them. The
situation has also been closely tracked.

Secret 97: The Power Theory

Let us now talk about the theory behind power. I know you saw cases in
which many people do what they want other people to do. This is very
popular in various shops among sales representatives. Well, many of them
often have some features to persuade people easily. These people can speak
openly, easily, and can almost effortlessly convince and control people. This
may be interesting, I realize. But don't be too worried. This is not due to hard
work; it only includes your choice of words and your good attitude to be
creative, articulate and versatile. Another way of reaching people effectively
is to incorporate the correct and ideal choice of words as the situation
requires with effective physical activity. It may seem very complex, but if
you do it with the right words and the right vocabulary, you can find people
around you extremely curious and a bonus to you. Now without them
knowing that you are already in their heads, you can take control of their
minds. In common ways we will show you some scientifically proven truth.
It would be easier for us to influence others as we want by understanding
these details. These findings include:

All these points have long been proven scientifically. With this experience
and all that you'll learn, it's so easy to get into someone and make them react
in the way you want them.

Fact 1: People want to bond. You have to meet them in order to really learn
more about someone. Try to touch and do this in a way that doesn't seem to
you awkward to touch your head while you're sitting on a plate. This helps
both of you to get stronger. This way, you can build a stronger bond without
knowing your true intention from the next person.

Fact 2: The thoughts and feelings of other people flow. You can give warm
feelings to the other person by choosing and using the right language. You
can emotionally bond with people in places like a warm day on the beach,
relax at the pool and sit by a fire camp at night to look at the stars. Over time,
in such situations, they will tend to associate with you these feelings. You can
now go ahead and personalize certain scenes by showing them how the
briefness cooled your body etc. In this way, you encourage them to feel more
of what you think and link them to your feelings.

Fact 3: The appearances of people allow them to gain power and status. You
have to have a calm and regulated voice, while holding your emotions in
check, to have power. Make an effort to wear a black or dark outfit to appear
authoritative, because it makes you look superior. Don't keep a smiling face
in order to keep people guessing about your mood. It seems like you are on
top of others with a neutral head. You're meant to be a very powerful and
strong leader. Just let them infer who you really are.

Fact 4: People admire people they like. That's quite real. If the person you
admire knows that, they will also admire the same people and be all over you.
It is important that you give the person you really like a good impression of
yourself. When you know who your favorite film, artist, or anything else and
talk about how much you like them, you will think both of you have similar
qualities. Pay attention, and don't just call you don't know. Ensure that
enough validated personality information is available.
Fact 5: More than you know, people react to smells. In a situation in which
you kiss each other, you get naked slowly, as you try to open the door to your
room. Immediately she realized that she smelled very bad. It breaks the
romantic mood and suddenly changes the atmosphere. Almost immediately
after this, she will probably go home. Unless, on the other hand, they smell
like a new rose, freshly baked chocolate, strong cologne and jasmine, she will
likely be all over you. If she were to think something really good for her.
Why is that going to occur? That is because the smell is one of the best
senses for us as humans. If you are always able to deal with a really good
scent for men, everything will go smoothly.

Fact 6: One likes what they know to be "the same." One way you can make
someone like you is to mimic their acts within a short time. The most genuine
type of flattery is said to be an imitation. You should do the same thing
immediately when you stomp your foot, flip your head, or cross your fingers.
The trick is to mimic someone else's acts without making them very clear.
There's a tendency to become more attached to you as you mimic their acts or
gestures. Well, it's unconscious, in fact. Pay attention to the way you do it so
that you don't think you make fun of it. You will better touch the head of your
client and encourage them to think or behave as you want with these six
proven facts.
 HOW TO ETHICALLY USE
DARK PSYCHOLOGY
Secret 98: Moral Sensitivity
This is the first step in ethical decision making because the moral question
can't be resolved if we first know that one exists. Ethic sensitivity is not a
moral sensitivity. Much of the hypocrisy is attributed to legal
unreasonableness. Take the following examples; Ford Motor's safety
committee has agreed not to repair the defective gas tank for Pinto cars so,
members save money rather than lives without problems. Wal-Mart has been
slow to respond to complaints about wage theft, sex discrimination, poor
environmental practices and other issues raised by workers, workgroups,
environmental activists, and others. Issue analysis allows us to understand
how our behavior impacts others, identify possible courses of action and
assess them.

The element of moral action includes compassion and observation skills. If

we consider how others can think or how they reject, we are better able to
predict the likely negative consequences of our decisions. Several factors stop
us from recognizing ethical issues. Ethical considerations are unlikely to be
part of our standard thought models or cognitive models. We may not want to
use ethical words (values, fairness, correctness, and error) to characterize our
actions either because we want to avoid controversy, or because we feel that
keeping silent makes us appear strong and capable. If we use euphemisms to
conceal unethical behavior, we stun our consciences by repetitive
misbehavior, blame other people and say that we only know "truth, “luckily
we are able to step up our moral sensitivity (and the tolerance of our fellow
leaders and followers with the following:

Illustrating that the situation can cause considerable damage or

profit to many people; this is known as the magnitude of
 consequences.
Find out that there is social consensus or approval that the action
is moral or immoral, e.g. the greater the morality of an issue, the
more likely it is that decision-makers will recognize it and
respond ethically.

Eventually, paying attention to our feelings may be a significant sign that we

face a moral dilemma. Ethical standards and strategies Moral emotions
belong to human beings. Even if we do not have any personal stake in a case,
certain feelings are caused. For example, when viewing an image of refugees
living in a camp we may feel angry when reading about the mistreatment or
empathy of migrant workers.

Moral emotions also motivate us to take measures that benefit others and
society in general. We can write a letter opposing migrant workers ' poor
working conditions or send money to a humanitarian organization working
with displaced people. Certain condemning feelings are cold, anger, and
disdain. Unfairness, corruption, immorality, brutality, poor performance and
disparities in rank invoke them. Wrath can motivate us to address injustices
such as racism, inequality, and poverty. Disgust urges us to create rewards
and punishments to prevent abuse. Eventually, disdain brings us back from
others. Shame and remorse are feelings of self-awareness that motivate us to
follow the rules and to preserve the social order. This is when we break social
norms and conventions, when we view others with the wrong picture and
when we fail to comply with ethical guidelines. Shame and embarrassment
can discourage us from more harmful behavior and can lead to social
interaction withdrawals. Guilt helps us to support and treat others properly.
Compassion and empathy were psychological problems. We are evoked if we
see in our fellow human beings pain or sorrow. These thoughts inspire us to
console, assist and relieve others ' suffering. Thankfulness, reverence, and
elevation are other positive emotions that open up new possibilities and
connections. We will be led when someone has done anything for us when
we experience moral beauty, e.g. commitment, sacrifice, and when we read or
hear about positive examples. Gratitude motivates us to honor others; anxiety
and uplifting moments inspire us to become better people. When we feel
anger, indignation, remorse, empathy or other moral feelings, it is likely that
the situation presents us with an ethical dimension.
Secret 99: Moral Judgment
The decision-makers choose an action course from the choices produced in
secret 98, after an ethically identified issue is found. In other words, in this
case, we make decisions on what is right or wrong to do. In general,
researchers have been interested in the process of cognitive moral
development by which people over time improve their moral thinking.
Harvard psychologist Lawrence Kohlberg argued that people are advancing
as physically through a variety of stages. Individuals are not only involved in
more complex thinking as they pass through the stages, but also less self-
centered and develop broader concepts of morality. Kohlberg defined three
moral grades and divided them into two stages each.

Level I is the most simplistic and focuses on effects, pre-conventional

thought. This is common to all children who choose not to be disciplined in
order to comply (Stage 1) or follow the rules to satisfy their desires (stage 2).
Stage 2 thinkers want a fair deal: you help me, and I'm going to help you.
Conventional thinkers seek guidance from others when they decide how to
behave. Stage 3 people want to live up to their expectations, family, siblings,
and friends as well as respect for others. Step 4 people look to society as a
whole for inspiration and take a somewhat broader approach. You believe in,
for example, the rules at work and the law.

Kohlberg finds that Level II thinkers are most adults. The most sophisticated
kind of moral analysis is Level III, post-conceptual and rational reasoning.
The 5th phase is driven by utilitarian concepts. It is concerned with the needs
of the whole society and aims to ensure that laws and regulations are of the
greatest benefit to most. Stage 6 people work according to the principles of
justice, fairness, and dignity that are internalized and universal. Their actions
and the rules of any given society are continuously guided by those values.
Kohlberg notes that less than 20% of American adults are ever on stage 5 and
almost nobody is on stage 6. We claim that his post-traditional stage was
based on Rawls ' judiciary-as fairness theories and that deontological ethics is
superior to other ethical approaches.

Critics were challenged by the philosophical basis of the Kohlberg model and
by its emphasis on realistic stages of moral development. They note that the
model is more applicable to social issues than to individual ethical decisions.
The notion is disputed by many psychologists as ethical standards and
techniques that people pass through a static or "hard" ethical phase which
leaves a stage behind before they move to the next stage.

Alternatively, they argue that a person can think about a problem in many
ways irrespective of age. For example, through the use of techniques you
learned in previous classes, you can master knowledge in new classes.
Accordingly, decision-makers are creating more complex ethical systems as
they grow. The less advanced diagram is based on personal interest. At this
point, people only care about what they can gain or lose in an ethical
dilemma. The interests of broader society are not taken into account. Those
who think the structure of the rules on the next level assume they have an
ethical duty to preserve social order. We are responsible for enforcing rules
and laws and ensuring the rules apply to all. Such theorists believe a clear
hierarchy of well-defined roles (e.g. managers, superiors, educators, students,
officials). The post-conventional system is the new moral justification. At
this level thinking is not limited, as Kohlberg claimed, to an ethical approach,
but encompasses several different philosophical traditions. Post-conventional
people think that ethical duties must be based on common values. These
theorists think, like moral philosophers, about whether they serve ethical
purposes, looking behind societal standards Rest created a Detailing Issues
Test (DIT) to assess moral development, as an example from a leader who
progresses to a higher level of moral reasoning. The DIT (and its successor,
the DIT-2) subjects respond to six ethical scenarios, and they then choose
statements that best reflect their view. These statements are then recorded,
which correspond to the three levels of moral reasoning.

Heinz's mother is diagnosed with cancer and wants a medicament that he

cannot afford to buy in the most famous dilemma. He needs to decide
whether to save her life by stealing the drug. Hundreds of researches using
the DIT indicate that moral reasoning typically increases with age and
learning. Students of undergraduate studies and graduates benefit from
training and ethical practice in particular. Moral development ceases if
training stops. Moral development is also a universal concept that transcends
social limits. Ethical Decision Making and Behavior: Leaders should enable
their teams to follow more sophisticated ethical schemes to improve the
moral judgment of the group. Behavioral models offer important insights into
the ethical decision-making process. In the first example, situational variables
play a significant role in influencing ethical conduct. When making moral
determinations many people look to others as well as rules and regulations.
Sensitive moral judgments are more likely when partners and managers
promote and model ethical behavior. We should create ethical communities
as leaders. Second, training encourages moral reasoning. Your spiritual
growth can be encouraged by obtaining a Bachelor, Master or Doctorate.

Reflect as much as you can on ethics as you can as part of your learning (i.e.,
take courses in ethics, speak about ethical matters in groups and classes,
comment on the ethical issues in internship). Second, it's easier to have a
broader perspective. Take account of the interests and experiences of others
within your team or organization; assess the benefits to the local community,
the broader society, and the global community. Fourthly, ethics leads to
higher solutions. Moral philosophers base their decisions on ethical
guidelines that have been widely accepted. Do this through essential moral
approaches like utilitarianism, the categorical imperative, altruism, and the
principle of justice as equality.

Secret 100: The Morality of the Objective (Motivation)

The decision-makers need to reflect on their decisions after deciding the
course of action is best. Moral values often contradict other important values.
For example, an accounting manager who wishes to whistle unethical
accountancy activities in her company needs to balance her wish to do the
right thing with her desire to maintain her work, to provide her family
income, and to maintain relationships with her fellow employees. It shall only
disclose abuses of accounting to external authorities when morale takes
precedence over these competing priorities.

Sometimes people actually want to do the right thing, but their honesty is
"overpowered" when they find that it is necessary to pay a personal cost to
behave on an ethical basis. Psychologists say that self-interest and hypocrisy
weaken the moral motive. Others will not pursue an ethical path but instead
indulge in moral hypocrisy.

Throughout the tests, they suggest that assignments should be distributed

fairly, but they then delegate themselves to the most favorable tasks while
assigning less desirable tasks to others. Egoism and cynicism allow
politicians to ignore their moral principles. Corporate managers, for instance,
may announce that lower workers earn higher salaries. However, they want to
appear as though they really want to help employees, and they act as an
ambitious attorney who believes that the survival of businesses prevails
above human life.

As has been described before, empathy, anger, remorse, and other moral
emotions lead us to act. Emotion also plays a part in moral motivation17. It
can help us punish wrongdoers, deal with injustice, and offer support, and so
on with their motivating force. Some researchers report that positive
emotions like happiness and joy make people more confident and more likely
than others to live up to their moral choices. On the other hand, anxiety
decreases motivation and anger, indignation and resentment lead to
deception, retaliation, robbery and other anti-social behaviors.

Seek out and build ethically gratifying experiences to improve your moral
motivation and the moral motivation of your followers. When joining it as an
employee or volunteer, ensure that an organization's rewards system
encourages moral actions. Try to reduce the expense of moral behavior by
policy and procedures that make disclosure of unethical conduct, combating
racism, etc. easier. Work to bring the current organization incentives to
optimal actions. Be alert about the achievement of targets. Pay yourself if
everything else fails. Be proud to obey your choices and live up to your
reputation as an integrity man. Make a conscious effort to suppress negative
feelings and to put yourself in a positive spiritual frame.

Secret 101: Moral Character

Morals must resolve resistance, avoid distractions, cope with tiredness, and
develop tactics and strategies for achieving their objectives. It helps to
explain why the connection between moral judgment and moral behavior is
only small. It doesn't contribute to decision making most times. Courage
encourages leaders to carry their projects through in spite of the risks and
costs, while prudence lets them decide, progress on ethical standards and
procedures. Integrity allows people to decide truthfully.

Humility forces leaders to tackle limitations that could prevent action. Awe
fosters self-sacrifice. Optimism helps leaders to succeed in the face of
obstacles and challenges. Compassion and equality center leaders ' attention
not on personal interests, but on others' needs.

Other personal characteristics lead to moral action, in addition to virtues.

Those with a strong will and confidence and skill are more likely to persist.
The same applies to people with an internal control locus. Interior (internal)
people believe that they have power and are able to determine what happens
to them.

Externally focused (external) people believe that life events are beyond their
influence and instead are the result of fate and happiness. As the internals are
more driven to do what is right because they have personal responsibility for
their actions? Externals are less likely to persist in moral activities because of
social stresses.
Competency always needs to be practiced effectively. For example, changing
the program for organizational incentives may include research, coordination,
advocacy, networking, and building relationships. Such skills are used to the
fullest when participants grasp the organizational context thoroughly:
relevant rules, the history, and culture of the community, informal leaders,
and so on.
Following the principles, you will be able to build on the values that you need
to enforce your moral choices. Perhaps you also want to see why you have
succeeded or failed in your previous performance. Believe you can make a
difference.

If you don't, you probably won't pass when obstacles emerge. Develop your
skills to make your moral choices more successful and to understand the
sense in which you work.
 CONCLUSION
Thank you for making it through to the end of Dark Psychology, let’s hope it
was informative and able to provide you with all of the tools you need to
achieve your goals whatever they may be.

The next step is to ensure that you understand the tools and tricks that
different people use to manipulate others. This is the only way for you to
ensure that you do not fall for their manipulative acts. Ensure that you are
better equipped to lead a full life around people who feel entitled to get
everything they want from people. This book reveals all the major dark
psychology secrets that manipulators use as well as what you can do to evade
manipulation and influence, other people, positively. In case you identify that
you have been a victim of dark psychology in the past, the best thing is
accept, move on but be on the lookout to ensure that you never fall victim
again. Additionally, if you know a close friend or relative who has been a
victim of dark psychology and suffered negatively, it is advisable to help
them in seeking professional help and share a few tips that you learned from
the book.

Note that nothing in life is ever concluded. Therefore, we may have

concluded this book but your desire to learn more about ethical dark
psycho9logy should not end here. Try as much as you can learn more
information about the topic and help the people around to use it positively.
Also, do not feel bad about applying some of the highlighted dark psychology
secrets for your own benefit. You will remain ethical if at all you do not
cause harm to the people around you though you may depend on their favors
to achieve your set goals. Keep the mind and heart open to learn new things
and do what you need to do to achieve your life goals without hurting others.
There is always a positive side to everything including dark psychology!

Finally, if you found this book useful in any way, a review on Amazon is
always appreciated!
 HOW TO ANALYZE
PEOPLE
Understand Body Language, Personality Types,
and Use Manipulation Techniques and Persuasion
to Ethically Influence People
 INTRODUCTION
Congratulations on purchasing How to Analyze People, and thank you for
doing so.

The following chapters will discuss the importance of learning how to

analyze people and learning how to control your body language when around
people. You may be familiar with an instance where someone is saying
something to you, but their body language communicates a totally different
thing to you. So, what do you believe? The spoken words or body language?
According to global research, the truth always lies in the manner of its
delivery. Note that this is not to say that words do not matter; they do matter
a lot. But, if the words and the mode of delivery do not match, people are
bound to believe what they observe as opposed to what they hear. Though
spoken words convey information like data and facts, body language reveals
deeper information like your intentions, attitude, and your general state of
being. Though people tell lies to save the people they love from getting hurt
or protect their interests, never be surprised when your body language gives
you away. This is because the body language communicates differently from
what you actually say. As such, it is easy to tell what a person really feels
about a situation or conversation by studying their body language. This book
seeks to teach you how to analyze people and use the information you get
ethically for your own benefit or for their benefit as well.
Being aware of what your body communicates or what other people
communicate with their body is important at ensuring that you retain the
power or control of a situation that could potentially cause negative effects if
not handled professionally. Moreover, it is common for people to engage in
sales deals or negotiations at some point in life. In the following chapters,
you will learn the ideal body language to exude when engaging in sales deals
as well as negotiations. Practicing particular postures, gestures, and
expressions help in creating the information and message you wish to convey
more clearly, and it also gets people to believe your words. On the other
hand, by understanding other people, observing and interpreting their body
language and actions ensures that you have the upper hand when responding
to their behavior and getting them to agree with what you may be
communicating. Therefore, if you wish to enhance your interpersonal
communication and learn what other people’s body language communicates,
control their signs and signals, this book will be of much help. The more
conscious a person is of the unspoken words, the more they are able to
understand what people really mean and communicate in actual sense.
Learning how the body language communicates and to perfectly interpret that
takes commitment and much dedication.
Throughout the following chapters, you will learn the meanings behind the
different movements, gestures, facial expressions, and postures that people
display in different instances. You will understand how to clarify your
message, decipher lies, and demonstrate good behavior by understanding
people. You also learn how to camouflage when you do not wish to be
discovered, especially when lying to protect the people you love.
In order to make this book as beneficial as it should be to you, the content has
been structured according to different topics and scenarios. This ensures that
it easy for you to flip at will to the section you deem more relevant to your
situation or flip to the section that holds the information you wish to learn.
Every chapter identifies the detailed information and action a person should
take for effective behavior. Therefore, if you want to improve your ability to
read other people’s actions and inner feelings as well as intentions, this is the
right investment that will give you all the answers that you cannot find
readily on the internet.
In addition, it pays to be in your right state that matches what you say.
Staying proud and sure about your words and actions indicates that you are
authentic. This makes it easier for people to believe in your words and gives
you the power to be the best you can be. For instance, it is beneficial for sales
and marketing executives to master the art of body language that they can
apply when trying to hit a deal with clients who need much convincing. This
ensures that the clients read exactly what they say from their body language
and gauge them as trustworthy. For example, hanging on the sidelines,
having a frowned face, and head burrowed on the chest means that you are
watching something or someone suspiciously. On the other hand, applying
animated expressions and gestures when working with a group of people
implies that you are aware of what you are saying and prepared for the next
cause of action.
It is important for people to understand that the little things mean a lot, and
they can be the difference between getting your dream job or deal. This is
because not even your intentions and thoughts are immune to how the body
reflects them in your facial expressions and movements. For instance, your
boss may suggest something during your review interview that sounds stupid,
and without your control, the eyes may roll, which may be deemed to be rude
because you are required to be at your best behavior when addressing your
boss. Fortunately, it is possible to create the state you desire to portray. This
book seeks to teach you how to achieve this in a bid to ensure that you are on
the right page with everyone you relate to or work with. You do not always
have to experience the feelings that go with the mental state that you wish to
project. For instance, it is possible to convey certainty when feeling doubtful
about something. It all depends on how you control your body language; the
inner world is not one with the outside world. Therefore, it is possible to have
one thought in the inner world and convey a totally different thing in the
outer world. That is what the real power of relating to people should be like.
Indulge below to learn this and more.
There are plenty of books on this subject on the market, thanks again for
choosing this one! Every effort was made to ensure it is full of as much
useful information as possible, and please enjoy!
 CHAPTER 1:
PERSONALITY TYPES
According to psychologists, the general attitude of people greatly signifies
their personality type. There are difference preference points of dichotomies
which tend to represent different personality level in a person. These
functions dimensions are usually dominant over the perceptions of the other
responsible for judging and perceiving relationships to influence the
personality. Foremost, there is extraversion-introversion criterion, which
signifies the direction of a person’s energy responsible for their expression.
The energy in this concept focuses on the external world rather than the
internal existence for the extroversion. On the other hand, introversion does
not focus on the external world.
The second criterion is the sensing-intuition, which mainly focuses on the
method through which a person perceives a piece of information. Sensing
perspective believes in the information from the outside world, while
intuition believes in the information from within, which is out of imagination
to be correct and viable to be considered. Thinking-feeling is another
criterion for engaging personality type. The basic concept for thinking and
feelings is to gauge how a person processes the incoming and existing
information. On the thinking perspective, one makes a decision based on the
thoughts analyzed logically by the mind.
On the other hand, feelings mean like a rule where one makes a decision
based on emotions — how one tends to feel about something triggered the
decision making process. Ultimately, there is a judging-perceiving criterion
for identifying the personality trait of a person. This criterion mainly
concerns how one process already captures information to make contextual
decisions, how the information implementation takes the better part of this
process. By judging, one has to organize all the life events, the rules and
plans to capture the bigger concept of the information. Perceiving means that
one has to improvise the already existing information to explore alternatives.
Here, one looks at the best perspective of the information which fits the
situation or event at hand and how to pursue it well to reach a realistic
conclusion of the matter.
The four dichotomies offer all the possible permutations to yield the 16
combinations of different personality types. The likelihood of a person
having more than two personalities is very high, considering the dichotomies
personality criterion. Therefore, with all this knowledge, one can identify and
interpret different personality types that exist in the world today. In any way
possible, the personality of a person is the determinant of their success or
failure in life, thus scrutinizing this basic knowledge enable one to get full
concept on how to deal with different personality. Besides, there is a
likelihood of developing a productive relationship with these people based on
the knowledge of how they operate, view things, and react towards different
life challenges. The fact that there are different personalities makes it possible
for people to intermingle to form a great team.
 EXTROVERSION
Extroversion can be depicted as a quality of being outgoing, caring, and
attending to other people’s feelings. Most of the time, the extroversion people
become the center of attention when out with other people. This personality
type is believed to be one of the core traits associated with sociability,
assertiveness, talkativeness, and excitability.
Excitedly, these people always seek an opportunity for social stimulation to
engage with others. They are described as full of life, energy, and positivity
wherever they go. In most cases, they are always seen as the ring leaders
everywhere they are due to their assertiveness nature which tend to attract
more people towards them. Moreover, they are always out of their way to
help others in carrying out some of the activities. Who will be able to avoid
such people in their life, that one person who is always there for you when in
need, when there is a problem to be solved, and in any life-threatening
situation that may mean much to others? The habit of extraversion of talking
often makes them lively and adorable to be around them every time. They are
likely to make every boring situation livelier, thus taking control of all the
circumstances that may be hazardous to other people. Besides, they do not
fear to take a risk which makes them much distinct in any setting. Their
engagement in talkative behavior enables them to get more energy and feel
socially stimulated over the other behavioral traits. They get excited when
new ideas are brought forth for discussion, which makes them play a great
role in actualizing the new ideas and making it successful.
There have been many speculations on the causes of extroversion behavior on
people. The debate on the reason why some people are extroverted while
others are not has been of much concern to many in the society. According to
psychologists, the key attributes of this behavior have always pegged to
either nature or nurture. Many people argue that these people have a strong
genetic component, which is made up of 40 and 60 percent variance between
introverts and extroversion behavioral attribution. Similarly, others argue that
the trait may be attributed to the variability of the trait linked to the difference
in cortical arousal. It has been found that extroverts usually seek external
stimulation, which arouses their cortical, which is responsible for their
explosive behavior. When compared to introverts, they are much lively and
sociable. They like the company of others as compared to introverts who
dread the company of many people.
On the other hand, extroversion also attributed to the environmental impact
on behavior. This is where nature plays a big role in their character, where
they may have gained the trait from the sibling’s character or the social
associates in society. The shared experience plays a bigger role in this part
where the person is likely to gain the behavior through acquisition from the
people he or she mingles within the environment.
One may ask how extroversion impact our behavior, the influence it has on
how we do things and react to different situations. According to researchers,
it has been found that the trait has much to do with the tendency of our
personality and career life we take. Most of the extroversion trait is
associated with a leadership role in every place they are or where there is a
congregation of people. The high character put them one step ahead of others.
Extroverts have the habit of asserting themselves in groups, which makes
them much likely to get higher positions of influencing and controlling
people ethically, which is much likely to benefit everyone involved. Besides,
they are less likely to experience anxiety over rejection or negative feedback,
unlike their introvert counterparts.
In most cases, these people are highly recommended for jobs that require
social interaction and lots of independent work where they can engage their
energy fully. They cannot exercise their full potential for jobs like writing,
computer programming, and engineering, which only appeal to people low in
extroversion. Though research has revealed that this trait is less common like
it is perceived by many people since there has been a likelihood of confusing
it with other traits. Unfortunately, extroversion trait is regarded as over-
excited and socially illiterate, making them attract the attention of people
with the same trait.
 NEUROTICISM
These are people who are prone to mood disorder, self-consciousness,
loneliness, and hypochondria kind of behavior. It is claimed to be one of big
personality towards anxiety and depression, which usually exist as a result of
negative feelings arising from within the person. In reality, these people are
not fun to be around due to such lonely behavior they possess. According to
research, neuroticism is perceived to predict the students’ success in life.
Moreover, it determines the motive behind the determination towards
achieving great heights in life. The productivity of students generally lowered
by the negativity inclined towards work and the extent at which one exerts
interest on what they do, how they do it, and the general outcome of the
work.
In modern times, neuroticism tends to provide an evolutionary advantage by
paying attention to most of the negative outcomes of an event, which helps
humans to survive in such events. Nevertheless, one will tend to choose to
lough upon an ugly situation than run away. In most cases, neuroticism
individuals always battle with maladaptive thoughts in their day to day
activities, which makes them susceptive to depressions or anxiety when faced
with different problems. Have you ever wondered why some people are
likely to be threatened by negative events than others, why they tend to be
subjected to low self-esteem, which may impact their lives negatively? These
are just ordinary people, and the problem is that they have a strange
personality that does not rhyme well with others. The level of anxiety tends
to heighten every time they encounter unfamiliar events or when they get into
a strange living situation, which stretches their imagination beyond the
normal conceptual grasp of that event.
The neuroticism trait has been associated with people who are emotionally
unstable and lack self-resilience with one of the least in society. Fortunately,
a high scorer with this kind of trait tends to be more impulsive and are also
known for their tendency of worrying a lot incorporated with short tempter
when slightly revoked. They have relationship problems whereby they
destroy a stable relationship out of their insecure and unstable emotional
control. Besides, they are not emotionally intelligent, making their life
encounter to be boring, full of chaos, and conflict of interest, which normally
crowd their judgment. They have Trust issues every time where they claim
that someone is using them or duped them on a certain deal. Raggedly they
cannot lack what to complain about, what to curse or accuse when they fail
on a task. Getting along with these people usually tends to be difficult due to
this unattractive trait, which makes them lose on the special life gift of
enjoyment. From the emotional perspective, it is derived that these people
are more sensitive to threats and punishment, which may be poised on them.
Deducting from the emotional perspective, one may tend to ask on their
cognitive side. Studies put underway to examine on the cognitive side of the
neuroticism people reveal that they have a chaotic, noisier mental control
system.
The chronic worrying associated with neuroticism instills fear of being
unwanted by other people, and the need for reassurance cloud their thinking.
They always feel that they do not fit in a situation, belittling feeling, which
makes them inferior and unfit for the task in hand. In most cases, they
wonder if they have done anything wrong to offend anyone to deserve some
treatment even when they are not treated right as they may perceive. It is very
good and prudent to worry, but when the relationship suffers because of
worry, it may be a result of neuroticism. In such a relationship, it is very hard
to make things right since the neurosis always thinks of the negative side of
the event than the positive side of it.
From the psychological perspective, neurotic people are believed to be more
sensitive and empathetic; they tend to consider other people’s feelings and
views as compared to other behavioral traits in society. Despite their behavior
of being petty and insecure, they have a caring heart that enables them to take
care of others well. Their sensitive nature makes them consider others'
feelings and needs making them responsible for their wants and burdens.
How do you think these people will act if one overwhelms them with many
burdens? What if you complicate the needs to the extent that they cannot help
anymore? Just imagine living with such people, and the worry and anxiety
combine with that of others they carry. It became more hectic to carry on
with such character more so if he or she is your partner. Such a relationship is
doomed to fail more than it can succeed.
Furthermore, it is worth noting that these people are generally irritable; they
usually complain about anything in this world. Not that they are
perfectionists, but they are worried and irritated by almost everything,
making them lose contact with many people who cannot tolerate such
behavior. In a relationship, they are always nagging over anything and
everything that comes their way. Such character is hard to tame, so what you
do is to tolerate or permit them the space to do their things. The worst
happens when they see any physical symptoms of illness in their body; they
will complain about every bit of it without verification from the medical
expert. When in a relationship with such people, it may be stressful to live
with them, especially when they notice any change in their general body.
 CONSCIENTIOUSNESS
Conscientiousness is considered to be one of the top five personality traits.
Any person scoring high in conscientiousness is regarded as highly self-
discipline. These people normally try to follow the plan when carrying out an
activity, and they do not just do things randomly like any other person.
Moreover, through strict planning methodology and follow up, make them
persevere, and deliver the intended result as required. It is all about how they
control, regulate, and direct their impulses towards achieving the goal
objective. Besides, some individuals are considered to have a high
conscientiousness, to mean that they have a test for formulating long term
goal in their career. They work consistently to achieve the goals set through
following strict plans and organization rout to achieve that in life.
However, individuals who are prone to score high on a personality test are
regarded as the perfectionist and workaholics conscientiousness people. They
can also be considered to be inflexible and boring as per their personality,
which makes them busy and unavailable on social matters. Imagine they do
not have time to spare even for the family and friends, making them be out of
reach always. When you try to connect with them, the chances of not getting
their attention is very high when they are committed to a course of action.
Through that, they will always make excuses to carry out their intended
purposes, which makes them feel full of life. Also, they prefer to be alone
sometimes to focus on their achievements and not the other people’s demand
for them. Since they are highly self-discipline, destructing them is very
difficult, and any attempt to do so may result in thwarted revocation on their
part, which makes them be irritated by your action. They may end up
despising you for such an attempt, considering the nature of the task they are
up to concur.
Studies show that conscientious individual trait has much to do with impulse
control than any other thing. The proactive elements of how they work make
them be the way they are and not like any other personality trait. For
instance, they set a timeline on how they work but not just set goals. The
timeline they set is what makes them achieve the desired life goals, which
make them distinctive from others, which makes them proactive and
reproductive in all their endeavors. The fact that they follow a strict timeline
makes them be the best productive and desirable trait as work is concerned.
When attending an interview with these people, the likely hood of being
taken for the job is very high. Human resource managers know how to
identify them for the task. The other trait that makes them more desired by
the organization is their punctuality. These make them more reliable and
responsible for anything they usually do as much as their work is concerned.
They are always prepared to carry out any task, and that makes them more
responsive and loyal to the system.
Moreover, they are committed to meet the demand by following the tight
schedule set by the organization. It has come to my attention that fewer
conscience people are absolutely the opposite of their high conscience
counterpart. They prefer sleeping than carrying out a task that requires their
commitment. The less conscientious people are less productive, making them
lazy on the job.
Typically, the high conscientious people are prone to do well when all the
details of the task are at their disposal. They follow strict instructions to the
latter doing the work to be perfect and presentable when done. No wonder
they are less likely to wind up behind the bar for any default in the
organization. They take caution when dealing with anything and when it
comes to quality, they have nothing less but the best of quality to offer. In
most cases, these people are regarded to be the high achievers in high school,
colleges, and any other institution where education is concerned. The
achievement of these individuals is contributed by their cognitive ability,
which makes them distinctive from the rest. The high cognitive of most of the
conscientious individuals attribute to their success in life. Besides, they
usually have good relationships, work satisfaction, and achievement, which
tend to land them into leadership positions at any organization. This kind of
trait always becomes the rule-abiding citizen who is likely to persevere any
challenges as long as it does not compromise their focus in life.
 OPENNESS
The openness characteristically indicates how someone is open-minded to
new ideas and new things in life. A person with this kind of trait usually
enjoys trying new things in life. They are not satisfied with all they have got,
thus making ways to concur with other things that may seem to be beyond the
reach of some other individuals. These people are imaginative, curious, and
open-minded, who are more prone to stake much on their capability on
achieving certain life goals to satisfy their ego. They make it possible for
everyone around them to feel that they can achieve great heights in life. Their
high demanding capability and desire motivate them to be responsive to
every situation which needs their attention.
Moreover, they do not carry out all these tasks alone, but they motivate other
individuals within the team to achieve the desired results. On the other hand,
individuals who are low in openness usually tend to be reluctant, and they
rather not try anything new, which tries to contradict their experience and
knowledge. They prefer to sit down and wait for things to happen in any way
as long as they are not responsible. The fear of responsibility takes the better
part of their thinking and reaction towards carrying out any task. How will
you take such people to be your co-workers or partner in this challenging
business world where people are not certain about the future. The fear of
taking risk make them undesirable, and many will tend to avoid them due to
that or any undesirable trait they possess.
Furthermore, one should take note that high openness creates more
opportunities for an individual than low openness. The fact that high
openness is much creative and open to new ideas makes them more distinct
and sort after by the organization in terms of employment. These people are
usually imaginative and not practical, and in most cases, that is what is
required on an employee who intends to blend well with the emerging
economic world where the future is bleak and unpredictable. One needs to
focus on the future and not rely on the practical events which had occurred to
lay down an argument, and there are high chances that these individuals are
prone to succeed in any activity due to the creativity they put into practice
while working on new ventures. The likelihood of getting new ideas into
practice is very high, making them responsible and dependable by the
organization. Besides, they are always in touch with other people’s feelings
and concerns, enabling them to make good decisions for the company at all
times. By considering how other people feel about any idea, they can deduce
the best possible outcome which does not offend anyone at work. When in a
brainstorming group, they are likely to come up with new ideas or develop
the idea of the group member into something that people can vouch for in the
meeting. How they elaborate and visualize, the idea is so amazing that one
will always fall for it. They put more focus on the positive side of the idea
and how people will be able to benefit from it, thus shedding more light on
the positive perspective of it than on its negative part of the idea.
As per the experience, openness is found to be associated with a high score
on intelligence. Therefore, there is a way that the openness and intellect
mingle to bring out a desirable result on the personality of a person. The core
existence of creativity and imaginative usually sum up the existence of an
intellect factor on a person who desires to be responsible and high achiever in
life. These people are very bright and dedicated to achieving much in life as
compared to another personality trait we know of in society. The fact that
they are innovative and creative makes them intellectually curious and
appreciative. Besides, all the innovators who have concurred the world today
have the same trait, which makes them be who they are today. People like
Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and Obama are open-minded to new ideas, and that is
what made them be who they are today. The most successful and respectable
personality in the world today. All their success can be traced back to their
openness to new ideas, influence, and challenges they had to face before they
concur with the world we live in today how they strive through the challenges
to make it a better place for others to live in and to succeed. Ever wonder
how these people become more successful and influential? How they were
able to accomplice that much in the world full of challenges, mistrust,
manslaughter, and corruption everywhere.
Practically, open-minded people tend to place themselves in places or
positions where they can gain new ideas, and they value experience than the
current outcome of their jobs. An open-minded person would rather choose a
low paying job where he or she can gain much experience than choosing a
high paying venture, which has already been establishing, and there is no
avenue for gaining new experience out of it. These traits make them much
distinct from others who will rather choose a high paying job than
experience. In this modern world, people yearn for high paying jobs, not
knowing that they can make much more money without those high paying
job offers by developing their own experience to do so. Therefore, the gap
between the poor and the rich is the experience gap and not the opportunity
gap. Everyone gets the opportunity to get what they want in life, but the
open-minded people look at the best possible experience opportunity for
them to succeed and not the best earning opportunity. Truly, the openness to
experience tend to vary through the lifespan, and in most cases, the older
people in the society tend to be less open-minded as compared to young
individuals.
 EASY WAY TO ACCESS
PERSONALITY TYPES
The personality of people usually varies depending on the level of
engagement in daily activities ranging from home, workplace, and leisure
time. Understanding these personality differences can be more tasking and
challenging, but with clear focus and view on how to scrutinize them well,
one can understand all of them and distinguish one from the other. By
identifying the kind of personality, one has, it is much easier to exert the
influence on them and even to relate well with them without the pressure of
fear of contradiction. One can capture their views, likes, and dislike equally,
strike a good relationship with these people and also communicate effectively
in order to achieve the greatest success of all time pursuit in life.
Analyzing the five personality types, including conscientiousness,
extroversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism, is much important for a person
to relate well to society. Foremost, one is likely to identify highly
conscientious people to be successful in life due to this kind of character trait.
These people tend to perform better academically, and when offered an
opportunity to exercise their duties, they are much prone to be reactive and
productive to the system, making them reliable. If you want to identify this
trait, look for those people who are always detail-oriented and do not like
wasting time where the job is concerned. In most cases, they are positioned at
the leadership top of the company to supervise the junior staff. How unlucky
one can be to have such a supervisor when you do not match their character
trait is unimaginable.
Finding out the type of personality is not that hard for some people,
especially employers. They will always seek an opportunity to identify how
the employees are thinkers or feelers to derive the distinctive character trait.
Practically, thinkers will tend to make a decision based on logic, while on the
other hand, feelers will make the same decision based on the relationship and
values. Through these broad categories, one can identify the basic personality
trait in the organization. In this case, thinkers are likely to be extroversion
personality and neuroticism, while the feelers are the conscientious and
openness of individuals. Also, one can easily identify personality types by
building a relationship with these individuals. As an employer or a manager
in a company, relationship matters a lot, and it enables one to identify these
personality traits well and help the management in pursuing goals and
objectives through assigning roles according to the personality capability of
the staff. There is a character trait that does not like being managed at all, and
by realizing their existence, one can build a productive relationship where
they are given a chance to express themselves well. In the end, they may
prove to be more productive and realistic to achieve the intended objective.
The same applies to personal relationships; some people prefer lone time
while others prefer a consistent company by realizing that one can know what
to do and at what time.
 CHAPTER 2: DISCOVER
THE INNER WORLD OF
PEOPLE
The Inner World
Everyone has an inner world that is very distinct from the outside world they
encounter with their physical senses. Every emotion, thought, belief, creative
imagination, dream, and fantasy you have creates your inner world. Meaning
that your inner world is defined by your imagination and your mind, the
aspect of the mind not being one with the body senses. Each time you shut
off your physical sense of hearing, sight, and other senses when sleeping, you
are still in a position to experience yourself as being alive and able to feel in
your dreams. This is the inner world. Note that the inner world is also
experienced through visions, intuition, imaginations, and dreams. This is
because the inner world is defined by the emotions you feel as well as your
thoughts; you are conscious within yourself.
Therefore, every doubt you have is triggered by the world you harbor inside
you. Additionally, every fear you encounter could be your way of expressing
the energy within you. We experience fear, pain, and a sense of evil, not
knowing that they are our own creation triggered by the wonders of our
imagination. In such a state, we cannot be hurt because we experience a
special and personal mental construct. What we offer at such a point does not
consider the different effects of our inner being, what it offers, as well as how
it influences and develops our outer life. For instance, when you are in a
relationship and you are left by your partner, you tend to languish in pain.
Most people tend to get stuck in pain without realizing that they create the
pain themselves. The inner life and beliefs are responsible for creating the
pain and allowing it to stick for long.
Unfortunately, most people are programmed to view everything according to
how the body behaves, with its vulnerability and pain. Some people even
identify with this fact too much that they end suffering immeasurable hurts
and fear of doing things like getting into another relationship due to the fear
of being left by a partner and suffering the pain again. In the inner world, we
have no physical body. However, most people just imagine themselves being
in the physical world, which is a dream of the construct they envision. But
since in the inner world, we have no physical body, we cannot be hurt or
experience pain unless we believe that we can experience the pain and hurt.
Most people fail to realize that they have an inner world because they live in
the outer world or what they refer to as the real world. They fail to realize
that the inner world is what triggers them to see and experience the outer
world. People believe the outer world views that are created by the inner
world as their truths. The inner world harbors all your thoughts, beliefs,
convictions and feelings. Understanding that we all have an inner world that
defines how we view the outer world is often the first step towards
understanding people as well as how to analyze them.

How Does the Inner World Affect People’s Thoughts and

Actions?
Life is a mirror of our inner thoughts and what is seen on the outside is the
reflection of the inner self. The thoughts we have are what makes the world
what it is, how we perceive it, and the general outlook we put into it.
Moreover, thought is just a screen through which one can view your actions
to depict the reality. In order to understand the thoughts and actions we
undertake in our daily activities, it is prudent first to analyze our inner being,
how we behave and the way we perceive things.
Interestingly, our life is the filter of our innermost thoughts, which we
integrate into our system daily. Most people usually think that all their
problems come from the outside world, not knowing that all originate from
within. It is important to remember that we cannot change the world around
us, but we can change our thoughts to influence the actions of people in the
world. Besides, aligning our thoughts with emerging issues can change things
rapidly than we may think. One should remember that the world is the way it
is and not as we perceive it to be. It is within us to change what we see in
ourselves and not what we see on other people.
Furthermore, internal conditions usually mirror the internal self, so one
should straighten the internal condition or the internal perception to settle the
external disorder. You cannot change the negativity you see in the world
before changing the internal being, which perceives things to be negative on
the outside. Change starts within no wonder pessimist has nothing positive to
see on other people. All they see is the negative side of the event, how that
event will impact their lives, how the event makes them feel weird and not
the positive things they may enjoy from such events. Such people are hard to
guide or to cooperate within an activity that requires the attention of
teamwork. All they will do in the team is to find a way on how to alter the
progress.
Similarly, there is a different mentality, which attracts different life
experiences in the world, which we have to consider when making decisions.
Some attract positivity, and there are those which attract negativity in our
lives. It is the power of belief that dictates our destiny and not the outside
world which makes us who we are or the life we live in this world.
Typically, the predominant beliefs dictate our reality. What we think of day-
long becomes our reality through the beliefs we put on it. When we pray and
believe that things will be okay in the future, through our beliefs, things tend
to get well as we perceive them to become in the near future. How does that
happen? Is there any supernatural way of making it become a reality? No, it
all originates from our subconscious mind, our thoughts, which as perceive
the event to be the reality cooperate with the forces of nature to make it be a
reality. It does not matter what you believe in or how you perceive things to
be in the world. All that matters are the inner thoughts that we put into it to
be what it finally become in our life. Remember that all that we see on the
outside world is our thoughts reflected on things we actually see. The
funhouse we can perceive is a result of our self-consciousness. For instance,
those who were once sick in the hospitals usually become healthy again
through their beliefs and mind conscious which does not get indulged in the
effect of the illness.
The best way to learn more about an individual is by first learning more
about oneself. By doing so, one able to be in a position to understand more of
the surrounding. Moreover, failure to check on the steps we take concerning
our behaviors results in a facade, and with this, learning more about others
becomes difficult. If you want to understand someone, then you must be
presentable, be well versed with communication skills, and your significance
to the other individual or society members also matters. It enables you to
appreciate yourself. For instance, if you are always sad, those around you will
always change their approach towards you, knowing very well of the
consequences they will face once they are disrupting you. Additionally, if
you are disciplinary, then those around you will always change their
approach towards you.
An analytical person should be conscious by being able to understand his or
her behaviors, emotions, and feelings. Being mindful enables an
understanding of how people view you. Furthermore, he leads to a sincere
and truthful lifestyle. An analytical person is more concerned about others'
welfare, whereby when an employee in an organization is feeling unwell, the
employer should be in a position to show kindness by letting the employee go
for treatment. Analytical person's main motive is to create a peaceful
environment that enhances the smooth running of projects in a business;
additionally, this creates a good understanding and a sense of belonging to
the minor party. People should be empathetic by being able to fit in other
people’s shoes — a technique most used by politicians when sourcing for
votes from citizens. Researchers also use the technique when they want to get
information during fieldwork.
Moreover, being part of the other's success and failures bring about a strong
bond of belonging and enables one to understand what exactly people feel in
their daily lives. An analytical person always appears sharp because he or she
can observe and remember answers to previously asked questions.
Furthermore, he understands the audience and knows better ways of
conversation. Analytical persons always keep time on appointments, and
meeting having known exactly the effects of being late affects others. One
thus should always be on toe in order to keep time.
In most cases, people are always prosperous since most of the time is taken
on research. Good memory and enough preparation for work enable good
interactions with workmates and friends. Also, proper analysis of oneself
brings confidence in one before analyzing the other person. The analysis may
prove to be painful, but once this is done, then analyzing others becomes
easy.
People need to identify strengths and weaknesses for proper relations with
society members. Strengths enhance socializing with people as well as better
communication due to the feeling of being loved. Moreover, an analytical
person needs to check on better ways of curbing weaknesses as it brings
about depression as well as limits thinking. Depression results in anger and
fear which limits progress while limiting thinking leads to a state of doubt.
Therefore, this can be by taking advice from society members on better ways
of improvement as well as taking the initiative of change. Adopting positive
thinking relieves stress.

Correspondingly, the way we perceive the world we live in is as a result of

our attitude expectations we put into it. In most cases, it is as a result of its
dualistic nature of equal and opposite chances placed on the world.
Moreover, there is nothing like free will as the way some people may hold it
to be, but the unconscious thoughts we put into our actions, which make
things to be the way they are in our life. One should always remember that
the inner world of ourselves is much different from the physical body we
encounter. From every emotions, thoughts, beliefs, fantasy, our inner
imaginations are born from the inner world within us.
Each day we tend to shut our physical sense of sight, hearing, and other
physical senses when we want to sleep. Why do you think human does so in
order to sleep? Is there any problem if we can sleep without shutting these
physical senses while sleeping? In reality, we do so unconsciously without
realizing the positive impact it creates in our lives. It is during this time when
we have dreams, visions, waking lucid dreams within us, and the inner
intuition which comes with sleep is magical. All are born from our inner
being, and at these hours is when our brains tend to function well without
alerting our conscious mind.
Therefore, the inner world is created by every thought we think, every
imaginations and emotion we feel our outer world, which can be seen and
interpreted by other people. It all originated from our consciousness, which
makes our mental model to fully utilize every information which it interacts
with to be realistic through perceptions. Moreover, one should note that every
fear they live in, every doubt and self-doubts are all born from the inner self.
It is with no doubt that every fear we meet is a result of the expressive energy
we feed on it that makes it be the way it is in our life. Obviously, we can all
experience fear, self-doubt, evil in the society, but all are a result of our own
creations. They do not exist in reality. It is our perceptions which breathe
them life for existence and if you can ask anybody about what you see or
perceive to exists. The likelihood of getting different opinions on the same
subject is very high, and that should not take you by surprise. Normally,
everyone has a different mental model, and the schema of everyone in society
is different even though you were born from the same mother. It has nothing
to do with the genetic inheritance. That imagination, which creates devils,
zombies, angels, and even external God make the world to be the way it is
today. Have you ever imagined how the world could be if there were no such
believes that God, devils, angels, and other perceived creatures exist? In such
a case, we could be living helplessly without any hope or faith that there is
anything good that may happen or exists in the world.
Most of the time, we do not take many considerations of our inner self, how
we perceive things and the way we think things through to express our inner
feelings. All we need to take into consideration is that our inner thoughts
greatly influence how we act, how we react, and even how we relate with
others in the community. It is not coincident that we exist; there are a purpose
and duties scheduled for us to perform on this earth and our mental model is
much powerful to intervene for us.
Our inner world is all about convictions, belief, failing, fear, and the ability to
succeed. Most people focus on the outer world, forgetting that they have the
inner world which controls their thoughts, feelings, emotions, and their
imaginations. By realizing this unique reality about oneself, people can do
marvelous things beyond imaginations. Besides, it is the inner world that
forces people to see the outer world the way it is or the way we intend to
perceive it. The most influential thing about our inner world is our thoughts
and the perceptions we have on the outer world. There is a perception that
there is another life under the ground created to those who have passed away
which is all born out of perception. All that exists is that all the things we see
on this planet ceases the moment we die, and there is nothing to aim at after
that. However, the believers have hope that there is life after death for the
righteous people. With this belief, people have created ethical norms that
regulate the conduct of everyone to act responsibly. According to the bible,
the belief that there is God and eternal life after death makes us pray and
believe that our tomorrow will be better than today. That belief is what
pushes us to do good to humanity. Ever wonder why some people are evil-
minded while others are gracious and loving to their fellow men. It is the
inner world they create for themselves to influence their behaviors.
 THE SIX BASIC HUMAN
NEEDS
In our daily walk, we tend to make decisions and take actions on the basis of
what we think, feel, and believe is important to us. Most of the time, it is not
automatic to us why we make the decision we make but the fact is that all of
us have a unique perception that naturally places some decisions and actions
over others. The world comprises of very many people and different versions
of reality unfolding daily across the world but all of us share an important set
of human needs that guides and motivate the decisions and actions we take.
Anthony Robbins introduces the six human needs. Anthony Robin has had a
lifelong interest, which he cultivated around human behavior, motivation, and
development. He merged his research with Neural Linguistic Programming,
Cognitive therapy, Gestalt therapy, and Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, and he
came up with a way of revolving around his believes in what he referred to as
the six core psychological needs. All of us work hard to ensure they are
satisfied on an unconscious level.
In regards to Robbins, the six human needs influences a human being's
deepest motivation and determines how we rank our decisions and actions
throughout our lives. The six human needs take an ascending order; this is
from a more personal and material level, to how we connect to other people
and how our interactions and energies affect the world. All of us have phases
and areas of our lives by which our focus and priorities differ. All these
needs, however, serves an important part in creating a life that is whole and
fulfilling at all levels. These six human needs include;

Certainty
All of us have an important need to satisfy their stability in the world, and it
is basic. When the need for certainty is met at a very primary level, we are
guaranteed the continuation of our DNA. Certainty allows us to do what we
are supposed to do and claim certainty by having our bills and basic need
covered. We also have secured relationships and movement.
It is challenging to satisfy this need because the world and the lives of the
people around us are constantly changing. This causes us to place controls
around our lives or remain in the comfort zone and resist change as it comes
even when it is a healthy change. Meeting the human need for certainty
involves finding or forming a sense of centeredness and stability within
ourselves.

Variety
There is a need for everyone to experience things that are away from the
norm, move from the unknown, defined and predictable so that they can
become who they ought to be. The need to experience uncertainty, diversity,
and movement tampers with the patterns of predictability and stagnation.
They allow us to move forward and to expand from who we are. As humans,
we find it risky to leave the area of certainty because it comes along with
some comfort, but when we let it go, we enter into another level of possibility
that is not governed by our past experiences.
It is difficult to satisfy the need for variety given that its primary drivers are
constantly changing; location, job, relationships, etc. there are times when we
desire to experience the full diversity, over time we realize that changing our
external surroundings can affect our satisfying the need for variety and
prevent us from engaging with life right where we are.
Looking at it from a positive perspective, variety comes to us in a balanced
approach that permits us to move dynamically within our outer and inner
landscape and allows change when it is needed beginning with ourselves.
When we decide to create a genuine shift within, that which needs to change
on the outside will do so naturally without necessarily having to move to a
different location, a new job, or a relationship for us to experience a
difference.

Significance
Every human being has a need to be seen and validated for who they are and
what they do. This need shows that we do not live in isolation but as a greater
whole. We desire to be an effective part of that whole and be sure that we are
playing our part well, and we are being appreciated for what we are doing on
the greater whole. When we satisfy our need for significance, we create our
sense of identity in this world we live in.
The challenge for meeting these needs comes when we become solely
dependent on input and approval from other people for us to feel complete. It
is most likely a weakness In teenagers where they are constantly seeking
external validation on everything they do. It can also be a problem if we place
all our significance in one area of our lives, for example, a job. It can get
addictive and make us forsake other areas of our lives, and the limits those
areas can take us. In the positive side of our need to fulfill our significance,
there is a need for a humble sense of internal acknowledgment for following
a personal path of integrity and expression in the world.

Love and Connection

All of us have a need to feel loved in other areas, and to love others we desire
to belong. The core experience we all want to achieve is to have an authentic
love and deep connection n with other human beings. A good connection and
genuine love make us have our cup overflowing and pour into the hearts of
those who are around us. The shift that accompanies need resembles that of a
solar plexus up into the heart. This is because it takes our energy and focus
beyond self-concern to make us discover the power in the depth that tags
along communing with others.
There are different ways in which we can express our love and connection
with other people. Some of the ways are healthy and balanced than others. In
most cases, the ideal way and place to meet the fulfillment of this human
need is when we first cultivate a genuine connection and love towards
ourselves. After we experience a genuine connection within ourselves, we are
able to automatically connect to other people and offer them authentic love.

Growth
Every living thing in the universe must experience growth for it to survive
and thrive. May it be a micro-organism, a relationship, or a creative endeavor,
anything that has no growth goes through stagnation and eventually dies.
Growth is a core human need, and among the first needs that illuminates all
the other aspects of a human being's existence. This need can be addictive,
and human beings can take it out of balance if they do not do it in
moderation.
Growth and expansion bring a certain fulfillment to human beings in its own
right that sometimes our quest to fulfill this need makes us limit ourselves
from committing fully to our present lives or postpone when we can apply
our growth and knowledge in the world for fear that we might be inadequate.
When fulfilling the need for growth, we must understand that growth does
not occur overnight, and it is a journey, not a destination. For us to continue
growing, we ought to be real with ourselves and acknowledge that we are not
perfect, and we should look for genuine ways to share what we learn and
discover in the process of growth with other people.

Contribution
This need involves the power or desire of living in accordance with our
purpose and bringing out the real value in the lives of other people. Once we
have positively attained all the other needs, we ascend to this need
automatically. It I expressed in a way that brings out a genuine sense of value
in the world.
This need is brought by a basic desire for people to live a meaningful life and
to make a difference in the world we are living in. it is a desire to leave a
legacy and something that can be used by future generations when we are
gone. This need can be fulfilled in different ways; you can start a foundation
or volunteering group to support a cause you are passionate about. The main
challenge for fulfilling this need is that once we tap into offering genuine
services to the world, we can get overwhelmed very fast due to the large
number of people, animals, or plants that need that help.
Most people who have the desire for contribution and giving others are not
keen to contribute to themselves. The most amazing expression of meeting
this need comes from the realization that contribution does not only emanate
from what we do but from who we are as people on a daily basis. When we
get empowered to become our contribution in the simplest ways, then the
actions that follow are associated with us and the power that is within us.
 PRIORITIZING HUMAN
NEEDS
Needs can be defined as the gap that is between what is and what should be.
Needs are felt by everyone, whether a group of people, individually or even a
community. Learning how to prioritize needs is something that most people
do not know. They mostly find themselves doing the opposite or prioritizing
the least of their needs leaving behind the most important needs. Humans
have various needs and needs that people have differ from one person to the
other. Therefore, it is good that we can understand other people's needs when
trying to seek out questions about their behavior. Lack of several or important
needs in one’s life makes them change their behaviors towards people and
how they react to different situations. It is not good to judge people from their
behavior while you haven't gotten to the root cause of that behavior. The way
people meet their needs also varies from one person to the other.
Understanding people’s behavior gives you a clear definition of who they
truly are. There are different ways in which you can learn to prioritize other
people’s needs to be able to understand their behaviors at certain or given
situations.
People must learn to understand and get to know other people’s needs first to
be able to help them grow upright morally and help society at large. A leader
at a certain community would be worried as to why their subjects have
become so much rebellious and have become very abusive, which has
become a threat to the community. The leader goes ahead and mobilizes
people to do a ground search from the community people and give feedback
to him as to why people are behaving in such a crude manner. The people
sent, gather out information from the community members by asking
questions and getting explanations of what they need to be done. The
messengers get back to the leader, and they lay out the people's grievances to
him. The leader gets to know that the community people feel left out and that
their needs are not being addressed in the manner they want. In these
grievances that have been aired out, it is clear that 60percent of the people
that have been questioned all have different needs that they want to be
addressed. The leader, in this case, has to lay out a strategy on how to deal
with these needs and make sure that everybody feels satisfied with the
strategy that has been laid out. The leader has been able to take the first step
in understanding people's behaviors and has also been able to know why
people are acting that way in the community. By fulfilling these people's
needs, the leaders will have created a certain goal that he wants to be
achieved and also will help community members have a sense of belonging
and will feel valued. This survey conducted does not necessarily reveal a lot
of personal needs but at least the leader has an idea of what they should focus
on.
The laid out plan by the leader could focus more on solving the most
important needs first in the community going to the least important.
However, all the needs should be addressed since all of them are priorities.
Some people might not be comfortable with how the leader has prioritized
these needs since people are different and have different views. Some people
may see it fit to, first of all, make sure that people have food while others
argue that they should first have good roads instead. This, therefore, brings
another perspective that the leader has not seen. People prioritize needs
differently. How people prioritize their needs create either a negative or
positive consequence later on. For example, Tom might priorities the need to
go watch a movie premier over the need to eat food. He is super hungry after
the movie premier and does not have anything he can eat since he does not
have any cash left on him. He now regrets going to the movies instead of
eating first. People have different needs, and in each need, they have their
way of solving these needs. The leader having understood the people's
behavior at that moment and working towards achieving the answers as to
why they were behaving that way, helped him build a stronger bond with his
people and would now be able to easily identify any changes in behavior
from his people. This is the same way that people should learn to understand
other people’s behaviors first before concluding them. People can be able to
know how they prioritize their needs by looking at how they respond to
different situations in life. This is also the same way in which we know and
get to understand other people's needs by looking at their behaviors in
particular situations. Prioritizing needs varies from one stage of life to
another, for example, a child might see it best to keep on playing the whole
day rather than eating, but as they grow, they learn that food is good for their
body and hence their priority of play over food now changes to food
overplay.
It is easy to know and understand a person’s need and how they priorities it if
you work backward from a certain situation that you have seen them in.
learning and understanding people’s behavior helps you as a person know the
best way to help them and influence their behavior to more ethical ones.
People tend to console themselves that their needs will still be there waiting
for them and therefore, whether they start with the least important or vice
versa, they will still have to solve them. The more the need, the more it
should be prioritized, and all needs are important just that others are not as
important while others can be done without. The behavior of someone can be
high due to their own needs, and therefore, you should understand their
behavior first, learn how they prioritize their needs then help them improve
themselves.
 CHAPTER 3: SPEED
READING BODY
LANGUAGE
The ability and knowledge that one can be able to speed read body language
to discover lies and lesson of a person sound awesome. The skill sounds like
a superhuman gift for a person to possess and use accurately. However, it
requires some patience and an open mind to develop it into its full potential.
For one to interact well in a social setting, the need to know how to read body
language is crucial. The skill enables one to interpret and understand different
body language clues appropriately, thus getting the intended communication
at the right time accompanied by the intended intention.
According to Igor Ledochowski, an expert in body language teachings, he
believes that one does not need to read a thousand novels in order to become
an expert in speed body language reading. All are born out of the intuition
and not out of books. Foremost, one needs to keep an eye on the big gesture
and not the tiny signals emitted by a person. Normally, it has much to do with
keeping focus on the other person and trying to trigger a spark with them.
The fact that conversation can take different avenues some may go well while
others go awkwardly has much to do with the body language involved in the
system how the body language affect the general outcome of the
conversation. The signals triggered by the communicators which vary from
one person to another. Sometimes, the conversation comes with an
abundance of body language signals that the mind cannot comprehend well
thus, the need to analyze them detail by detail to reach a concrete conclusion
is necessary. Besides, vesting much time on these clues is likely to kill the
conversation before it mature to its full potential. One needs to be patient
with the mix signals emitted by the communicator or the listener before
deriving the conclusion of what the signal might mean to the other party.
It is wise to stop scanning every move made by a person while conversing,
and it tends to bring an abrupt end when the person realizes that you are just
trying to read their body language. Moreover, how does it feel if you are the
one talking to a person and all they try to do is to watch every move you
make, the gestures and eye movement? Sometimes they do not concentrate
on what you are really saying. Instead, they have much interest in your limb
movement and other gestures. It sounds absurd and annoying at the same
time, making one feel uneasy in their presence. However, it is like reading a
script without noticing the main message the script is trying to convey to the
audience. The fact that you are concentrating on finer details does not mean
that you are getting the full view of the message; it is rather too destructive,
leading to distortion of the intended communication message leading to an
awkward response that cannot satisfy the general audience.
Keeping it simple enables one to catch the whole show with less pressure put
in place; all you need to do is to focus on the whole show and not minor
details. Take a look at the big gesture of the person you are conversing with
and forget all the micro gestures that may deter you from achieving the
greatest message. In case one you are talking to is quietly dying of boredom,
you are probably able to notice the loss in eye contact, legs facing away
indicating that they are about to escape or have a cross arm in their chest.
Also, one needs to be more vigilant on the other signals like nodding,
smiling, and engaged eye contact, signaling that someone is happy with what
you are telling them. On the other hand, one should take clear notice on the
hand movement, in some situations, one may tend to play with hair which
may clearly indicate that they are attracted to you and some extent, and they
have much interest in what you are doing than what you are doing to elicit the
feelings of attraction. Some people tend to scratch their nose while thinking
and it is a clear indication that the topic of discussion is much engaging and it
requires more critical thinking than anything else. The chances of
misinterpreting these body languages are very high, and some people usually
ignore body language thinking that they are not part of the conversation.
When one ignores such a fundamental body language signal, they get out of
the conversation line making them have a blurred message at the end. No one
is ready to clarify every detail of the conversation verbally, and even if they
can do so, the chances of leaving out fine details that can help you are very
high.
One needs to understand the law of reverse effect and be realistic that reading
body language is primarily done by the subconscious mind and not for the
conscious mind. One should not force things on the conscious mind to read
the body language. It is much clear that one can only read the body language
by engaging the subconscious mind to interpret the facts. It happens
naturally, and one does not need to think about it so much, which might
complicate things. Factually, if one begins to look into finer signals to read,
they end up losing on the whole conversation by overthinking, and it trips up
the subconscious mind. The likely result of the attempt it gets tongue-tied
making one to distant from the conversation at the end of it all. Therefore,
one should always let the subconscious do what it was meant for what it is
supposed to do that makes it vital in the human body. Getting a clear picture
of this makes one realize the fundamental importance of creating the avenue
of mind reading and body language portrayal in mind. One should trust the
gut instinct and not what they think it should be like to understand a given
phenomenon. Eventually, one can reach the balance of understanding of the
body language signal without struggling with many facts to digest. It all
depends on the instinct, which actually determines the result of the action.
Through instinct, one can notice the body language signals and interpret them
well without struggle before concluding how events are portrayed by the
body language of a person.
By the way, instinct does not just come; naturally, it has much to do with the
science of our organs, which has nerve fibers that act as a second brain in our
body. They usually send the correct signal to the brain from the interpretation
of what is happening on the surface or when we are conversing with other
people. A person who can follow the gut instinct stands a better chance of
getting full notice of everything going around them, thus making them more
active and sensitive to different life events. Therefore, the need to get a full
conversation edge depends on the instinctive gut arising from the
subconscious mind of a person. Following your gut enable one to get full
information from different part of the body accessed by the capacity of the
subconscious part of the brain. Also, it helps one to engage the whole mental
model while thinking and reasoning process which is crucial for existence in
this world. It shows that the gut is responsible for reasoning and information
processing.
One crucial way of letting our instincts to speed read the body language can
be accelerated by being at peace with the discomfort. One can easily interpret
the body language by relaxing in a discomfort situation or through tension.
Such situations tend to provide a rear window of how things are to a person.
One can easily identify defaults and lacking in a person during these
moments. By having mindful breathing, one can link to the prefrontal cortex
responsible for breathing regulation, thus providing the essential
environmental condition. Breathing turns off the panic, which may
overwhelm one to be distressed and act awkwardly. People indeed incline to
act abnormally when faced with problems that they cannot bear. Turning off
such temptation through cautious breathing through the nose and slightly
making some breath out through the mouth eases the stress and pressure on
the brain creating a conducive atmosphere suitable for focusing.
Sometimes people may not be receptive to what you have to tell them, or they
do not create attention to the conversation. These can be contributed by the
perceived intention of the conversation, thus leading them to have that poker
face. Have you ever encountered a salesperson trying to sell for you an item
you have no interest in at all? How does it feel when they try to persuade you
to buy such items knowing well that you do not need it in the first place?
Nevertheless, they tend to get attention clumsily without realizing the impact
of their actions at the end. One can buy from them without noticing that they
had bought what they did not need. The power of body language reading
plays a crucial role in this. They only snap you out of a certain behavior
without realizing it. All they do is to capitalize on that behavior to solicit
more feelings and interest in you. The friendly switching way makes one
friendly and submissive to their trap thus making one be able to buy from
them. These people have perfected body language reading; they know how to
tune you to their way of thinking. If we could all learn the same skill, people
could make great heights in life. Imagine trekking up the street to strike a
conversation with a stranger without being intimidated about what they think
of you or what your actions will mean to them.
Typically, smiling can portray a lot about the feelings and how one takes the
information given to them. The mouth can lie while someone is smiling and
portray other feelings apart from being happy, but the eyes cannot give fault
impression. When you are having a conversation with a person and realize
that there is a crinkling of skin around their eyes, it indicates that they are
genuinely involved in the conversation, and they are proud of the topic. In
most cases, people always smile to hide true feelings, and when you are a
good observer, you can realize the deceit more easily without much ado. One
can smile through the mouth and show no expression on the face making it
deceitful. Therefore, next time you are conversing with another party, pay
much attention to the smile, and if it does not show on the face through the
wrinkle, be sure that it is not genuine, and you are just being deceived. These
people could be hiding something which they do not want you to know, and
maybe it is something sensitive that they do not want you to notice. In such
circumstances, try to be vigilant on how they talk; the wording tends to
betray their true feelings making them more vulnerable when they cannot
hide it anymore. Getting a full view of all these feelings and deception makes
one wise of the environment in which they carry out the conversation. Ever
wonder why some people will be shy and always find an excuse to look away
while talking to you. What they always feel uneasy around you, and when
you try to confront them, they usually fake a smile pretending that everything
is okay, yet they are not. Get the full picture of that one person who is always
pretending to smile will talk to, but the smile usually lasts for a few seconds?
He will always be at any slight provocation of excitement, even when that
excitement does not exist. What is the feeling of talking to such people? How
do you portray what they tell you? Do you think they are genuine or one? The
eyes tell it all though to some people you cannot judge based on the eye
gesture, and you have to combine it with other body language signals.
Ever been in a meeting and notice that someone is trying to imitate your body
movement, that every time you cross or uncross your legs that do the same in
response. When you tilt your head, they too do the same way as you do. This
kind of gesture is a good sign of body language; they are just trying to mirror
body language unconsciously. In real sense, you may think that they are
copying what you are doing, but they are much unaware of what is happening
too. It is a receptive language indicating that they are aware of what you are
doing and fully engaged in the conversation that they lose self-awareness of
what is happening in their bodies. They only respond to nature and not
imitating what you are doing. Any attempt to disrupt their body language
may lead to loss of concentration and even loss of interest on the topic of
discussion. Therefore, the best thing to do is to let them be as they are and do
what pleases them. You never know; they can be the best partner in a
business dealing you intend to initiate in the future.
If you are familiar with an organization structure, every time you walk into a
new corporate, you can easily identify the person in charge when they walk
into the room. One can only realize that from the body language, the person
emits and not the words they say at times. The erect posture, open and
expansive gesture portrayed by the person can tell the sense of authority of a
person. One does not need an explanation or to be told that someone is a
leader, just from the body language, you will be able to get the full
information you require. How one maximizes the space they fill makes it
evident that they are in authority or that they hold a superiority position in an
organization. It is true that when a person maintains a good posture, he
commands much respect and engagement even if you are not a leader. This
body language posture is to insinuate that people with good posture depict
confidence and determination towards achieving their goals in life. With this
knowledge, one can be able to employ a competent employee deriving from
the character and body language which shows that they are dependable.
Ultimately, there is a notion that the eye does not lie. Have you ever
wondered why most people insist on being looked into the eye when having a
conversation? What can that mean to you? The general perception of the eye
contact is that it tells all and anyone lying will never keep an honest eye
contact lest he or she wants to be ungrounded by the lie they tell. However,
some people will hold eye contact deliberately to cover up for the lie. On the
other hand, unblinking stare can also be intimidating, and it makes one feel
uncomfortable sometimes. One should, therefore, know to distinguish an
honest gaze from dishonest gaze.
 THE SECRETS OF NON-
VERBAL
COMMUNICATION
We do communicate with one another not only through verbal
communication but also through non-verbal communication cues such as eye
contact, posture, and eye gesture. These other body languages portray more
than what we communicate verbally. Traditionally, people did not use spoken
or written way of expression. Non-verbal communication has existed since
eternity. How do you express yourself to a person who does not understand
your language, more so when you go to a foreign land where you do not
know anybody who can interpret for you anything? Getting the information
across is the objective of all communication. Since everyone desires this, they
will do anything to make themselves be understood through various means
possible. Long before the written language evolves, most of our forefathers
use non-verbal communication skills to pass a message across.
Sincerely, words are not always aligned with the non-verbal clues people
always associate them with. In most cases, people speak, but their body
language indicates other words. Understanding these non-verbal skills creates
an avenue for increased understanding when conversing with a person over
an issue. It gives the right impression of what to expect, what to say next
when talking, and how to relate to other people in general. Without such
skills, an interesting mixed message may lose its meaning when it cannot be
translated in the right way possible.
Moreover, there is much going on with our emotions, which are not rightly
expressed through verbal communication. What we think or feel are not
always voiced when communicating. Ever wonder why some people will
always beg others to tell them what is wrong with them, how they feel about
something, or their opinion when they can depict that there is something
wrong, but they do not know it. The inner feelings are hidden within us
unless we talk about it in public. To some extent, there is a way of revealing
this non-verbal secret to the general public, how they affect one, and how one
can interact with them effectively to bring out the meaning. You may argue
that one can still communicate through digital platforms like social media and
any other platform.
Nevertheless, body language can be accompanied by the variation of voice
tone, eye contact, and body movement which can help one to identify the
meaning. In other words, social media platforms cannot reveal the true
feelings of a person unless he talks his or her mind out to the public. Anyone
aware of what the non-verbal communication reveals about their feelings,
thoughts, and perceptions towards a given subject will always be attentive to
its use and how it should be expressed. He or she will always work on the
clues and stop sending the wrong message to people who may ruin their
reputation at the end of it all. Therefore, having a self-evaluation put one a
notch higher than the rest in this caliber. It gives you a chance to be better
than others in the group setting.
Sometimes one cannot avoid frowning or squinting when to talk. These kinds
of facial expressions reveal a lot about a person than we usually notice on the
surface; it really tells what is going on inside a person, how they feel inside
their heart and mind. Besides, this facial expression cannot be avoided when
communicating, making them an essential part of communication. Imagine
someone communicating with an expressionless look which indicates that
someone is not interested in the conversation. It shows how one is bored and
has no much interest in the talk you are engaging them in, and to some extent,
you are just wasting their precious time, which they could have employ
somewhere else to generate more income. The facial expression vividly
shows the intention and the perception behind every communication outcome
of a person. One can see a fake deceptive smile through facial expression.
When this expression does not match the verbal message being conveyed,
one can easily influence the listener without much ado with little perception
configured to create the intended message.
On the contrary, one can examine the eye contact made during the
conversation to make a clear clue of what is going on. Remember, eyes are
the conceivable windows to the soul, and through eyes, one can easily predict
what is going on in your heart, how you feel, and the perception you have
towards a given subject. Have you ever imagined that through your eyes, one
can tell the kind of a person you are and the character you carry around?
Think of that next time you are having a conversation with another person;
how they take you matters a lot, and that is based on the kind of eye contact
you keep with them during conversation. Moreover, lack of eye contact when
conversing is a sure clue that you cannot be trusted by anything under the
sun. It does not matter how great you are at the presentation when you keep
on looking at the floor throughout the presentation process. The perception of
being unconfident, shy, and nervousness cannot be erased by anything, but
the eye contact one keeps during a presentation.
If there is anything that can betray you when talking is your hands. How do
you use them to portray a message, what movement do they make when you
are talking to someone? The hand secrets are not known to many people, but
it is high time to handle them well when conversing with someone next time.
Moreover, it can reveal confidence, fear, stress, etc. people will assume you
depending on how you use your hands while communicating. For instance, in
western culture, handshake is regarded as a sign of respect, and it is highly
encouraging when communicating with someone. When it is accompanied by
direct eye contact when you meet one for the first time, respect is earned, and
people view you as a virtue’s person in society.
Nevertheless, when it has not been expressed appropriately, people tend to
take you for granted like a joker who is not serious. To other people, a weak
handshake is regarded as being disinterested in the subject or business you
are about to transact. Besides, who will look for a fragile person with a weak
personality as a partner in the business dealing? It does not appeal to people
in the western culture where most of the business person must be daring and
innovative to try new things. Steady and dry handshake implies that you are
confident and reliable since it matches the strength of the person offering the
deal in the first place.
On the other hand, an open hand while talking generally indicates that you
are an open-minded person with a relaxed personality. This kind of fact must
be kept by people who tend to succeed during the recruitment process. The
human resource panel looks at these signs to derive the best candidate for the
job they are about to offer. Interestingly, these body language signs are much
important to the interviewer when evaluating the best candidate, thus keeping
them in mind enable one to be successful in such a situation when they
encounter one. How does it feel to be the best candidate for a job when all the
interviewer get right from you is a great body language gesture that does not
match others? In some instances, one may have a matching qualification with
others, then it reaches a point when they had to look at the other factors to
distinguish the candidate’s potential. Never underestimate the power of body
language more so hands when talking to anyone from now henceforth.
Furthermore, the communicator tone of voice usually tends to break or make
a message successful while communicating with other people. One should be
able to distinguish between soft voice and hard voice when to use them when
conversing. One can say word in an honest requesting intention, but the tone
of the voice may betray the message intended. Some people will take as
being arrogant or demanding in a certain way that shows that you did not
intend to be polite in the first place. In such a situation, one will always an
impolite answer according to the initial tone sound. For instance, “come
here” can be a request and a demand depending on the voice tone used by the
person requesting or demanding for the other person to come where they are,
and that is how the intention is misplaced. When you use a yelling and
irritating tone, it only indicates that you are not pleased with the situation,
and the intention is to harm the one you are yelling. The irritating voice tone
only indicates conflict or the likelihood of erupting conflict with a person
close to you to get what you want. It does not matter how good it may sound,
but the moment you are shouting to a person, the message will never be
pleasant for their ears or to anyone within the environment.
It is wise to emphasize the words you chose while communicating to
dramatize their importance and the emergency, which comes with the
message. By doing so, one can analyze the kind of message and the
importance it has on you. The kind of voice you use while conveying the
message sum it all. It shows that you care about the listener when you use a
soft and requesting gesture when communicating with the other person. The
context of the message can vary from one listener to another, but the way you
portray your message, the way it is modeled before being released for
audience consumption matters a lot.
Moreover, eye-blocking, a commonly witnessed non-verbal communication
vice, can decipher that a person is threatened by a certain situation or event.
In most young adults, one can be seen closing their eyes so that they do not
witness something. In most cases, it shows how shy a person is and the fear
to concur that fear leading to the closing of the eyes. These kinds of non-
verbal communication are much common in people who do not want to
express themselves in public or a given situation leading to dejection and
self-denial about a given idea or circumstance.
The investigation conducted to ascertain how the blocking of the eye while
communicating shows that it works very well with many people. For
instance, there was a robbery in a certain company, and the investigators
came in to interrogate the possible intruders. In their first interrogation
session, they request to start with the watchman who was guarding the
building. They had three questions to ask the watchman, which had to give a
lead to possible intruders’ whereabouts. Foremost, they start with what the
watchman saw before the incident, then where he was at the time when the
incident occurs, but before proceeding to the next question, they realize that
the guard blocks his eyes. There and there, they realize that there is
something there to do with the whereabouts of the guard at the time of the
incident. To harmonize the whole process to its perspective, they realize that
there is a possibility that the guard was not around at his spot at that hour of
the incident. Factually, the guard was not around at the time of the theft, he
went to sleep at home, and when he returned later, he found out that the
occurrence has taken place.
In this case, the body language of the guard gave him away. By blocking his
eyes, the detectives were able to detect the mischief in him. He was guilty of
not being where he was supposed to be at the occurrence of the incident, and
the guiltiness digs deep in him, thus confusing witnessed. He feels that he is
responsible for the tragic theft witnessed at the store and there might be other
fear of losing the job at the store making him miserable at the same time. In
most cases, one can be too convincing by using the verbal communication
form of portraying the message, but to some extent, the message can be
contradicted by the non-verbal communication techniques which do not
match what one is saying. How many times have you been cheated or cheat
someone about something, and your hand and body gesture portray
something else? At one point, I was telling somebody how great the place I
went to was wonderful and the way I enjoy staying at that place. All this
long, I had no form of excitement in my face and did not realize how
unrealistic I sounded till one of my best friends, who was among the
audience, drags me apart and tells me on my face that I am lying. From that
day, I realize how crucial the non-verbal communication gesture means to
people. Imagine how these people have been silent and watching every move
I made with my eyes, hands, and legs, how the story sounds awkward to
them, and the kind of patience they place into that story only to realize that it
was just a pass time fun story which never happened. If it was you, how will
you take me? I know the answer you have; you will never trust me again even
next time when am genuine about something. This shows how one can lose
respect while trying to amuse friends or to make an event enjoyable for
people close to you in a given setting.
Ultimately, there are great danger people make when they cannot use the
right tone while communicating, which tend to portray among the
professionals. The inflection in your statement matters a lot to people that
what you are actually saying. It is in the voice that says that message that
matters to people. How will you convince one if you cannot convince
yourself that what you are saying convince your inner being? How does it
make you feel when it is actualized? How does the potential outcome affect
your whole being? Is there any passion for what you are trying to say or you
are just saying it for the sake of profit? What many people do not realize is
that the impact of the message can only be realized when there is a force
behind it that propels its actualization. The passion in your eyes, how you
stress something to derive the actual meaning. In fact, how will you convince
potential investors to put their money in a project that does not elicit their
interest? The way you portray the possible profit and the other benefits that it
will come with matters a lot. I do not advocate for cheating or exaggeration
of the facts to fit your needs in this case, but being honest is the key. A great
communicator must know how to use tonal variation, eye contact, and hands
well while painting the message picture to the audience for visualization.
When the audience can visualize the actual picture in their minds, they will
eventually buy that idea even if it is not realistic to others.
 CHAPTER 4: HOW TO
RECOGNIZE WHO IS
LYING TO YOU
A lie can be defined as an assertion that is believed to be forced to simply
deceive somebody. Lies involve a variety of interpersonal and psychological
functions for the people who use them. People use lies for various reasons
which are, at most times, best known to them only. It is believed that every
human being can lie. Multiple types of research have suggested that on an
average day, people tell one or two lies a day. Some surveys have suggested
that 96 percent of people admitted to telling a lie at times while 60 percent of
a research study done in the United States claimed that they do not lie at all.
However, the researchers found at least half of that number were lying.
However, scientists say that there are ways in which one can easily spot a lie
or be able to know when somebody is lying to you. Lies can be intended to
protect someone while others are very serious like covering up a crime done.
People do not know what ways they can use to detect a lie, and most of them
end up telling themselves that they can easily detect a lie. You can easily
recognize a lie by noting down the nonverbal cues that people use like for
example, a liar cannot look you directly in the eye; however, researchers have
proven that this might not necessarily work. In 2006, Bond and De Pablo
found out that only 54 percent of people were able to detect a lie in a
laboratory setting. Investigators also do not find it easy to detect a lie and can
easily be fooled into believing what is not. Most people believe that trusting
your instincts always is the best way to avoid being fooled.
 GESTURE
This is a form of nonverbal communication where body actions tend to speak
or communicate particular messages. Gestures include the movement of
hands, feet, face, and other body parts. Gestures enable one to communicate
non-verbally to express a variety of feelings and thoughts. For example,
people can communicate none verbally when they are in trouble and need
somebody’s help. The gesturing process comes from the brain which is used
by speech and sign language. It is believed that language came from manual
gestures that were being sued by the Homo sapiens. This theory is known as
the gestural theory that was brought about by the renowned philosopher Abbe
de Condillac in the 18th century. However, the use of gestures can be a way
to note when somebody is lying to you. Some people find it hard to control
their body motions when telling a lie. That is why gestures are used to detect
when somebody is lying to you. Different body expressions will tell you
when a person is lying.

The Mouth Cover

This gesture has been at most times used in childhood. A person lying to you
will cover their mouth when trying to prevent themselves from saying the
deceitful words. Most people do not entirely cover their mouths but use just a
few fingers covering the lips. Other people may try to fake a cough to be
able to get a chance to cover their mouths, which by the way, does not make
any difference whether they cover it fully or partly. However, this gesture
needs to be carefully examined before concluding that the person is lying. If
the person covering the mouth is the one talking then it is most likely that
they are the ones lying and if the one covering the mouth is the one listening
then this might be a show that they are carefully listening to what is being
said and might be probably thinking that you are totally not sincere with
them. People who can note this behavior cannot be easily fooled or
manipulated or controlled in any way. The liar will always be afraid of
approaching the person since they are afraid that their intentions will easily
be noticed. This reduces the rate at which people use others to their advantage
thereby influencing the community ethically.

The Nose Touch

Most people that lie tend to always touch their nose while talking. After
letting go of their mouth, they tend to touch their nose and try to fake that
they are itching. It is almost instant to note when it is just a normal nose itch
or when someone is trying to use it to hide a lie. A normal itch can be
relieved quickly by just a simple scratch, but if someone keeps on scratching
and touching their noses, meaning that they are lying.

The Eye Rub

The brain tends to use the eye trick as a way of hiding deceit. People who lie
tend to rub their eyes to hide the clear show from their eyes that they are
lying. A lot of people find it difficult to maintain eye contact when they are
lying, and they tend to shy off every time they look at the person they are
lying to. They, therefore, rub their eyes to hide from the fact that they are
lying. People say that the eyes tend to create a sign of doubt to the person you
are talking to. This is why most people rub their eyes to hide this sign.it is
said that men do it very vigorously while women do it gently without having
to hurt themselves much. Being able to recognize this gesture will help the
community and society at large to be able to fight off liars.

The Ear Grab

When a person is lying, they tend to touch and play around with their ear lobe
as they talk. This makes one feel a bit more comfortable while telling a lie
and also trying to block themselves from hearing the words that they are
saying. Children tend to cover their eyes when they hear something they
suspect is a lie, and they do not want to hear it.

Neck Scratch and Other Body Parts

Adults who lie tend to use their index finger for scratching their neck just
below their ear lobe. This is done a few times, showing that the person is
lying. A person who is lying tends to also put a finger in the mouth when they
feel they are under a lot of pressure. Lying creates a very uncomfortable state
for people and they, therefore, are unable to control their feelings around the
people they are lying to.

Change in Breathing and the Collar Pull

This gesture art was first discovered by Desmond Morris when he noticed
that there is always a tingling sensation in the facial and neck tissues, which
causes one to rub or scratch that place a couple of times. The increased blood
pressure brings about the sweating of the palms and at times even under the
armpits. This makes you short of breath when you start suspecting that the
person you are deceiving might not be believing you. This is called a reflex
action.

The Position Change of the Head

People do tend to make quick and sudden head movements after they have
been given a direct question or query, they are likely t0o be lying about
something. They will either retract the head, or it will face downwards or
even titled to one side before they answer the question you had asked them.

Feet Shuffling, Holding a Stare and Standing Still

People who are not moving at all when you engage in a conversation with
them should be a call for concern. It is normal that when you two people
converse, there is movement of the body in a relaxed way, but if the other
person is very rigid and seems relaxed in a very extraordinary way could
show that probably there is something very off about that person. The
shuffling of the feet is brought about by being nervous and uncomfortable. It
could also show that the person eagerly wants to leave the conversation as
soon as possible. Looking at a person's feet and their movements tell you a lot
about what that person is saying. It is renowned that most people are unable
to maintain eye contact when lying; however, some other people don't move
an eye or blink when they are lying to you in a quest to completely pull you
off with their lie and manipulation. Liars tend to use a cold stare when trying
to intimidate and control you.
The above-explained gestures are seen in a lot of people that try to
manipulate people or lie to them to get what they want. However, it is good if
you all have these skills that will help you in identifying people that play
around with your mind or may want to use yours to your advantage. Most
people who lie will lack words to say since all their tactics have been
revealed and learned by everyone.

Facial Expressions
The facial expressions that a person makes tell you a lot, whether they are
lying or not. Lies to you become obvious when you can learn these different
cues in a conversation. All that goes around someone's face shows either
dishonesty or honesty in a conversation. The following are the facial
expressions that may tell you that a person is lying.

The Eyes
The eyes are what most people use to note whether the other person is telling
the truth or they are just lying. The eyes create a link to both imagination and
memory. Imagination is often seen as a good thing when one is creating a lie.
This is because one is able to imagine situations in their head and also try to
figure out the reaction of that person after they hear the lie.it is said that when
a person looks up to and to the left after being asked a question, they are
usually trying to recall some information where the memory comes in. this
act is often told to be the truth. When someone looks up and to the right, they
are utilizing their imagination or in other words, fabricating information to
give to you. This is taken as a lie. After asking a question pay close attention
to the person's eyes and which direction they move. The eyebrows also tend
to raise when they are telling the truth and tend to blink or close their eyes a
lot to steal time for them to rethink their lie and make sure that their story is
kept intact without having to betray themselves through the eyes. Most
people that lie also tend to avoid eye contact with the person they are talking
to. When forced to make eye contact, they often feel uncomfortable and may
even fall short of words making the other person now that they were trying to
lie to them.

Blushing
When a person is telling a lie, they tend to often blush. They become nervous
thereby creating an increase in the body temperature, especially around the
face area. Blood tends to flow in the cheeks thereby causing the liar to blush
or shy away. Although blushing can be stimulated by a couple of many other
things, it is almost certain for a liar to blush. This might be a good way also
to know when somebody is blushing.

Smiling
A person that lies while smiling does not have a lot of facial expressions like
the flickering of the eyes to show that their smile is real. However, liars smile
with "dead eyes" that do not brighten up their faces. A real smile has a great
effect on the eyes and tends to cause the eyes to either become big or small.
This is because more muscles are used in becoming happy rather than forced
demands. A liar always has a fake smile whereby the truth of their lie is
revealed by their eyes yet again. Being able to distinguish between a real and
fake smile will help you in distinguishing between a person who is telling the
truth and one who is lying.

Microexpressions
Facial expressions that easily come and go quickly serve as best indicators
that a person might be lying. These expressions are known as micro-
expressions. These expressions prove to be great lie detectors and reveal the
raw truth. These expressions also reveal if there is something wrong since it
is hard to hide these expressions. However, it is good to note that not all
microexpressions reveal that a person is lying this is why it is highly advised
that you be trained on how best to note and differentiate these feelings.
Before concluding that the person you are questioning is lying it is advisable
that you first check on the circumstance and situation at hand.

Speech
The way a person speaks while in front of you can tell a lot in terms of truth
and lies. Liars tend to repeat themselves a lot while speaking because they are
not sure of what they are saying and are struggling to convince themselves of
their lies. A person who is lying to you tends to speak in a very fast way
which enables them to bring out the lies in a very fast and consistent way.
They are often left wondering whether the lie they told would be believable
causing them to have an increase in heartbeats. Liars tend to add more or
extra details to their stories to be able to convince their listeners that what
they are saying is true. They take brief moments to rehearse or go over the
answers they had rehearsed before to ensure that they do not make any
mistake that will make their listeners doubt them. They at times become
defensive about their answers and also tend to play the victim if they think
their lie is not going as they had planned. However, the liar does not stand a
chance if the person telling lies has an expertise in understanding and
knowing when a person is lying to them or when trying to create a lie.

The Direction of the Eyes

People who may not be telling the truth may tend to look to the left to
construct or create imagery in their heads. Looking up and to the right is
considered to be an effort to try and remember something that happened
which is true as compared to looking up and to the left which is considered as
trying to create a lie through imagination. However, this might be a little bit
confusing for those people that are left-handed. Left-handed people tend to
do the opposite of this theory, they look up and to the right when trying to
create a lie and look up and to the left when trying to remember some events
that took part in the past. The left side of a left-handed person is considered
true while the right side is considered to be a lie.

Voice Change
Gregg McCrary, a retired federal bureau of investigations criminal profiler,
stated that a person’s voice might change abruptly when they tell a lie. This
strategy works by first noting their speech patterns by asking simple
questions for example, where they live. By this one can monitor the various
changes in the speaking tones when they are faced with a more challenging
question. A person who learns this art can easily tell when a person is telling
or trying to create a lie.
The facial expressions explain above clearly show that people must learn
these arts to be able to deal with people in the society who love manipulating
others. These people tend to confuse people by lying to them and making
these lies true so that they can get away with their lies. A person who is not
able to identify such kinds of people is at a higher risk of getting blackmailed
by these people and making you do want they want to do, for example,
commit a crime for them.
 WORD CHOICE
Liars have a very good choice of words and they are very careful with the
words they chose to use with their fabricated stories. Philosophers say that
lying is hard work since it involves a lot of thinking and nut-cracking to
ensure that your story looks true and not in any way imagined. Convincing
someone with a lie requires you to have the story straight and it should be
accompanied with the right choice of words and body language. People who
do not know how to recognize liars require to learn this art first while liars
should rehearse their lines properly before telling it to people. Liars have
ways in which they can convince you of the truth. These ways are discussed
down below.

Liars Repeat a Question Verbatim

This is an art that liars use to help them buy time to prepare themselves to
answer your question. In a normal conversation, people repeat almost half of
the questions but liars tend to repeat the whole question which might seem
awkward and weird to the person interrogating them. If this person is keen,
they will be able to note that they are being lied to. For example, hi john, did
you send the message to the staff supervisor? John be the liar, in this case,
will respond, did I send the message to the staff supervisor? This immediately
tells you that the person is intentionally buying enough time to have
fabricated a story for.

Liars Take a Guarded Tone

Liars always tend to make a serious guarded approach to the people
questioning them and make it look like the person questioning them does not
know what they are saying. Taking into reference the example given above, if
john had responded as, what do you mean? this may sound a bit guarded and
offline but john is just trying to cover up a lie by making the other person
look bad for asking them the question and not trusting them. A suspicious
reply to a question is uncalled for whether it was the truth or not and this
might indicate that you are trying to hide some lie in therebetween.

Liars Use Non-Contacted Words in Their Denial

The choice of words used by liars while denying an allegation tends to sell
them up to their interrogators. Using the words such as, I did not, instead of
didn't would bring a lot of emphasis into your statements which will show the
others that you are trying to emphasize things in particular which even would
not be important in the first place. They tend to say more than they realize
with their words. Liars also tend to make sure that is very particular in what
they say and choose their words very carefully making sure that they do not
implicate themselves in their talk. People who are telling the truth, however,
do not strain to give out specific details about themselves so long as they are
telling the truth.

Use of Strict Chronology

Liars tend to keep their information up to date and they do not want even a
single detail falling out of place. They, therefore, tend to use chronological
accounts when relating to events. However, people who are truthful and are
not telling lies tell their stories with how they clearly remember the events
that took place. Liars, on the other hand, make their stories strictly in
chronological order and they strictly want people to listen and believe in their
stories.

Euphemisms
It is human nature not to want to implicate themselves in doing the wrong
things or being caught on the bad side of the law. Liars, therefore, tend to use
this nature to get away from what they are being accused of. They, therefore,
tend to respond to the question in a more relaxed and soft manner that will
leave you thinking that they did not do what you may be accusing them of.
For example, did you steal the money that I had kept in my purse, the
respondent in this case who is also the liar will respond, I did not take it?

Liars Overemphasize Their Truthfulness

Most liars tend to always use words that will make you believe whatever
story they are telling you to be true. The use of words such as I swear, believe
me, to tell you the truth, i8 promise and many others will show you that the
storyteller wants you to badly believe the information they are giving you to
be true. People telling the truth do not use such statements or words to try and
show their honesty they simply say it and leave it to you to either believe
them or leave it. It is very easy to know when someone is lying to you if they
keep on repeating and emphasizing their truth.

Liars Tend to Avoid Pronouns

In normal conversations, it is normal to use quite a fair amount of pronouns
in between the conversation. But liars try as much to avoid the use of
pronouns in their conversations. They try as much as possible to be extra
careful with their words. They tend to use the third person more instead of
specifying and using the first person where applicable. For example, a liar
may say, you do not engage in extracurricular activities if you do not want to
instead of I do not engage in extracurricular activities because I don't want to.
In this case, they don't want it to be revealed that they are talking about
themselves in real sense.

Liars Hedge Their Statements

This is mostly characterized by people in the courtroom or political hearings.
These people tend to use statements such as, as far as I can recall, if you think
about it, what I remember is, these statements are used by people who are
trying to hide something and are probably on a hot seat or interrogations.
People who are giving out truthful information do not use such phrases and
tend to just go straight to the point and answer the questions they are being
asked.

Liars Use Long Introductions and Skip Main Events

People who lie tend to take too much time introducing themselves or
introduc9ing the topic they want to discuss therefore leaving out the
important details in the conversation. This helps them build credibility in
their story padding it with a lot of factual content as much as they can. A
researcher found out that a person telling a lie is likely to add more details on
themselves but lack words when it comes to the main part of the story.
Careful listeners are likely to note this in advance and can tell that the person
is lying to them. They can easily find missing details in the story being told.
Liars are very careful about the choice of words they use and therefore if
people do not know the right way to distinguish these words, they may end
up being manipulated and being taken for a fool. Being able to distinguish
between a lie and the truth will help a lot.
 SPEECH PATTERNS
These are distinctive ways of oral expression. Liars tend to have different
speech patterns when they lie and therefore, they are very careful when
speaking in front of people. To be able to beat a liar at their own game, the
secret is always to listen attentively to what they are saying. A research team
from the University of Arizona led by Judee Burgoon analyzed the speech of
corporate fraudsters.
They went through over 1,000 statements that had been made by the CEO
and CFO of one company during their quarterly conference calls. These
companies had been evicted as a result of fraud in several lawsuits. The
researchers were able to compare between the scripted and unscripted speech.
The research team found out that it would be easier to lie in cognitive taxing
rather than telling the truth. During a lie, a very simple language is used to
ensure that the liar does not complicate issues with their own words. They
stated that it would be hard for the human mind to maintain a false story and
come up with connecting linguistics utterances due to the increased cognitive
load on the human brain.
This is why liars use a simpler language to avoid confusing themselves. It
had been previously discovered that people who lie distant themselves from
their lies. They use short and vague statements like maybe, I guess, and so
on. They also tend to avoid using the first person singular pronoun in their
speech pattern, for example, I, me and myself which show actual ownership
of the statement being used. It also should be noted that liars tend to speak
more than natural. They tend to add more details to their story to convince
you that what they are saying is true. They do not like silent pauses or silence
in their conversations and they like to keep it going and going.
A financial expert was brought to help encode the overstatements and lies
that were related to financial fraud. Special software was used to analyze call
recordings from the calls at a granular level to help differentiate the lies and
the truth.it was confirmed that certain speech patterns were used while the
executives were lying. The fraud-related speech recorded was fuzzy, more
hedged words were used.
The researchers also found out that fraudulent speeches tended to be longer
and more detailed than the honest ones. The executives used more positive
words than the negative ones in their talk, suggesting how they should twist
to a more positive spin to what was being reported. This research proved that
it is very easy to note the speech patterns of various people or liars who
would want to hide something that they would not love known to other
people as well.
This research showed that noting down the speech patterns and being able to
recognize when somebody is telling a lie would help the society ethically to
be able to establish some of these things like crime and fraud in companies. It
would also help know people who would like to use other people to their
advantage or may want them to do too bad things all in the name of pleasing
them. If you feel that someone might be lying to you, Try as much and
change the topic and note the sudden change in the person who was telling a
lie. They become more relaxed and comfortable in the new topic that you
brought up. A person who does not know this might be confused and would
want to go back into the previous discussion since it was cut abruptly and
with no warning.
The liar would also want to use humor and sarcasm in their talk to hide out
their lie by making it seem sort of funny. It has also been seen that people
who lie tend to point a lot. They use their fingers to point on to something to
distract you from thinking what they are saying or making you remove your
mind from whatever lies they are telling you so that they feel more
comfortable in telling a lie. They tend to point in a different direction other
than in the direction they are looking at this will clearly show you that the
person is telling you a lie. However, there some people who naturally like
using gestures as they talk and this for them should be no cause for alarm
since this is how they are and it would be hard changing them.
Most people do not like conversing with people who like using gestures in
their talk since they find it ir6ritating and it is also very hard to know when
that person is lying to you. People who use gestures particularly the hands
can easily lie and the lie goes unnoticed if the people around him are not too
keen on what he is saying.
Not all people who exhibit these signs are liars some are just naturally like
that. Therefore, the above behaviors should be compared to that person in
their current and normal situations. Some people naturally cannot maintain
eye contact because they are shy, others cannot make complete sentences
without having to flutter their feet, and therefore as you check out for liars it
is also good to note that other people are naturally that way.
Lie detectors or experts in detecting lies claim that a combination of body
language and other cues whether verbal or non-verbal should be used in
determining whether somebody is telling the truth or not. The society should
also come up with ways to deal with people who lie to get away with crimes
that they have committed. They should make sure that people who lie
whether with good or bad intentions should be puni8shed and dealt with
properly.
The society would be a good place to live in without people who lie and tend
to manipulate others with their lies. People lie all the time and, in all places,
and therefore it is good to note when you are in a place that requires total
honesty and truth. Having these crucial lie detectors at7 the back of your
mind will help you know easily when somebody is lying to you or trying to
formulate a lie. These principles can save you a lot of money and stress also.
These principles discussed above can also help the parents and teachers in the
society to help their children grow knowing that lying is bad and nobody
should lie to the other. They will also be able to know when they are being
lied to. Children also should be taught how to distinguish people who tell
them the truth and those that lie to them. Having instilled this kind of
knowledge into children will help them grow into a better society that will
almost be a hundred percent ratings in non-criminal activities.
 CHAPTER 5: BODY
LANGUAGE FOR SEDUCE
As social animals, we are the history of using certain non-verbal signals to
convey messages appeal to us more so when we are showing interest in
others or when we want to converge our interest. Lately, the concept has been
complicated since people are taking advantage of the body language as a
seduction avenue to prey on others. Though there are ancient skills that can
be used well to derive incredible results on others. Moreover, it is not limited
to attracting the opposite sex on the same-sex, depending on the orientation
or the intention of an individual. The main concept of seduction is to get
others' attraction towards you, what you do and even towards your perception
of how things are done. When one can get the attention of others, they get full
attention and control over the relationship which makes them be who they are
in life.
The power game of seduction is tempting, and it makes men and women in
the society to pursue their goals irrespective of the goals and objective as
long as you get what you want. In this game, only the best get control over
the other. How do you convince, how one conveys the message, and how it is
conceived by the audience is what matters in this concept? For instance,
women may want to seduce a rich guy to get access to the financial comfort
of that guy and vice versa. A singer may tend to seduce the masses through
charm and wit to sell his or her music. A politician will use all the seduction
tactics to get into that office he desires. All the matters in seduction are the
result aided by a well-configured plan to undertake the process of achieving
the results.
Basically, seduction is to persuade, manipulate or to lead astray to concur the
person's mind in order to gain full control over their feelings, perception, and
thinking. It can be both negative and positive depending on the motive of the
initiator. On the positive end, one can use seduction to deceive people in
order to get something out or abide by their deceits but in an ethical way. On
the other hand, one can use seduction negatively in a temptation way to get
people to do what they would not do under normal circumstances. The
deception may be configured in a threatening way to make one accept the
offer or manipulative with the wrong they did in the past that they do not
want to be revealed to anybody.
 HOW THE BODY
LANGUAGE SEDUCTION
DOES OCCUR?
No need to worry, it can be done practically for better understanding. For
instance, drop something on the flow in front of the class or front of people in
a gathering, then bend down to pick. What reaction do you see around you?
Do you realize how many people have looked at you while picking the staff
you had drop that looks in their eyes, how do you perceive it? Generally,
people tend to notice anybody's movement around them easily. You are likely
to get more attention out of the initial body movement you had created. They
will turn their heads to observe what you intend to do next and if you do not
feed their curiosity immediately, they are likely to get back to their usual
routine. In this way, one can reduce the impact of body movement. Now,
what if you try something else unique than just moving or bending down.
How they are going to react to such gestures may surprise you more.
In any case possible, try to mirror yourself trying to seduce someone by
doing the following, when she crosses her leg, you copy that and do the same.
When she raises her head or her hand, copy the same, and whatever she is
doing just try to do the same. By copying every move the other person
makes, it is like forming an interaction with the other person. The other
person tends to pick the non-verbal clue from you, and she gets attracted to
what you are doing. The mutual understanding created makes both parties
like one another, and they are likely to for a comfortable collaboration
through mutual understanding. In this case, the girl will find you attractive by
doing the same body signs or the body language match. People may be going
to like you due to the responsive act they receive. They view you in such a
way that reflects what they feel inside. Moreover, getting to know each other
does not merely mean knowing their names but also rhyming in the intentions
and body language which match each other’s intention. Though mirroring the
intention may sound vague, but taking everything into practice may also
make everything possible for both the parties.
Making the intention visible to the prey makes it easy for one to convey the
message appropriately. The body language interpretation must be seen by the
target in question to make it feasible and effective. One needs to walk close
to the person you need to seduce, take an aim and be within the field where
you can take a clear view from others. If that does not work well, bump on
them more often to create familiarity. People are likely to recognize familiar
faces than a strange face when it comes to seduction tactics. They will
recognize you instantly when there has been an interaction before the familiar
intention. Initially, they may not recognize your intention, but with
consistency, they are likely to recognize what you are trying to do. To
capitalize on the fear, make small talk about breaking the ice so that the
feeling of being a stranger is minimized. The moment you do that, they are
likely to open up for the talk, and you never know your lack with the prey in
question. If she is that beautiful girl you intend to have, it is the time.
Factually, it is someone who sees you more often; they are likely to become
interested in you. That familiarity breeds interest in the other party. We are
human beings, social beings with feelings and sometimes it becomes more
difficult to deny what we feel inside, how we perceive the advance people
made on us. Remember, sometimes we long for that one person we could
express our feelings to, that one person we can talk to without fear of being
judged or discriminated against what you have done. Sometimes strangers
create that avenue that we cannot manage to dodge, all we need to do is to go
with the flow, make that move by accepting their advancement just as to get
that comfort of being wanted, when one tends to get around you every time,
seeking that attention all the time. Who are you to deny or decline the
opportunity to be with that person who wants you in their life for once? You
never know when such golden opportunity avails next time. Utilize the
present opportunity as if there is no tomorrow, then sit down and wait for
things to happen your way. Patience pay and if you seek something direly, it
is prudent to exercise patience.
Furthermore, one can initiate the art of seduction by creating an accidental
touch on the person you intend to seduce. Maybe getting to know each other
may seem to be difficult at the beginning, but with that magic touch, one will
take notice of the intention and maybe realize that you are interested in them.
One can create a touch even while exchanging something or hold a hand for a
little long while greeting the person you are interested in to be you are your
friend. This feeling of touch will serve as an ice breaker as the other party is
likely to realize your intention and get interested too. In particular, it can suit
you well when seducing a woman whom you have identified as a potential
wife or girlfriend. Though this technique does not apply in every country,
only those countries where touching is rarely done in public, or people are
not used to the act of touching. Therefore, creating the impression in the right
place, right timing and with a clear intention tend to top the game to a top-
notch.
Generally, touching is a quite powerful and effective technique as much as
body language is concerned. Research has revealed that those waitresses who
use this technique when delivering a bill to customers in a hotel usually get a
larger part of the tip. More interestingly, customers are not aware of this
technique and how it is configured to injure their pockets. If they could know
that the waitress has nothing to do with them but money, they could not
involve or be susceptible to the act in the first place. They only get confused
with the wrong impression making them give out a tip inappropriately. The
body language is at its peak, and the waitress has mastered the art very well
that they cannot let go of it soon. Besides, it is a willing buyer to willing
seller though the customer has to lose his money to feed on the imaginary
pleasure, which is conceived in their mind.
In another study on the cashier of a certain store, the shop attendant tends to
touch the hand of the customer while making a transaction or when paying
for the merchandise. To customers, it seems like a kind gesture when they are
touched by the attendance, and they are prone to frequent the shop to get such
services. On the other hand, the cashier who does not touch the customer's
hand when paying for the merchandise does not gain any recognition since
there is no impact made on their part. They are just considered like any other
shopkeeper who is out in the street to make money. One may be asking the
impact in touching; how does that affect the attitude of a person whether to
buy from you or not.
Typically, touch is magical, and the body reacts to it in such a way that
people cannot recognize in the first instance. The connectivity created by
touch makes one internalize the action in an intimate way that is interpreted
in the brain to be a sign of acceptance. The feeling of being wanted by the
person who touches you pleases and makes one feel lively about the situation.
To elaborate a bit more, how will you feel to be wanted, needed by the person
you are transacting? How is the feeling of being accepted the way you are
appeal to you in general, how will you feel if someone is attentive to your
needs or wants in life? In this situation, the first cashier seems to care about
the customers than the second one, and that is why may intend to transact
with him more than the other one.
Interestingly, the same concept can be applied in a relationship seduction
where the candidate initiates the conversation through a touch. This technique
is intended to get the attention of the woman you intend to seduce, and the
woman will only get interested if you play your cards right through the art of
touch, which is to trigger their interest. The touch comes with a positive
feeling than when it is not done on a person or towards the prey species.
More often, people will try to create an exotic appearance to surprise the
suspected prey when seducing. The surprise people get by the way you look
tend to tune them towards your way, and it can appear eccentric and exotic to
capture the promising adventure in mind. The action of the master of
seduction clearly describes this technique more elaborately to attract a
memorable ceremony when they first appear in the scene. Such memorable
scenes are hard to forget for anyone who is in the gathering. Moreover, this
technique is normally practiced by the women to create an instant impression
on the potential husband or boyfriend. Imagine sitting in a bar, and a woman
walked in a seductive cloth that reveals part of their body. The intention of
the woman may not be clear to the person at the counter, as the woman may
not have configured the intention that someone is waiting. However, to the
person watching at the counter, the body language of the woman makes them
feel attracted to the woman who has just walked into the bar.
As a man who intends to seduce a woman, always try to be graceful and
confident when walking. Creating a straight back and shoulder taut without
bending the backward or forward make one feel confident. Moreover, eye
contact plays a crucial role in the process but should keep in mind to create
the right impression through high contact, and stiff eye contact tends to
intimidate people and no one likes such staring at all. So be careful when
making eye contact during the seduction process. It works incredibly, but it
can also be your downfall when used wrongly. The secret of eye contact
when used well, it can land a person a potential husband or wife. In a study
carried out by some researchers reveal that seducers are likely to gaze at the
camera more successfully than the non-seducers. The non-verbal
communication skill of eye contact is much impressive and useful in every
conversation. Remember that eyes are the window to the soul and when used
rightly, one can get a clear picture of your soul thus creating the attraction.
Most importantly, people who are good at seduction make a great facial
expression to reveal their feelings and intentions well. The positive effect
which comes with the facial expression is undeniable by the person it is
directed to during seduction. If you intend to seduce a woman, get the right
facial expression that matches the feelings you are expressing. That
expression that reveal to a woman that you truly need them and not just out
for flattery on them. No one will be interested in a joker or someone who is
not serious with them. Someone out to joke with their feelings at their
pleasure and satisfaction, which does not appeal to the other party. Most of
the time, a good seducer will apply a trick with the mouth, how they use their
mouths, to sum up, the intention to make all things great and possible for the
seducer. A sly smile, that brief lips lick expression can make a lady to be
interested in you since she can get the feeling that you are interested in
having sex with them or there is something you like in them, which makes
you lick your lips in such a manner. However, the key to this seduction skill
is to be subtle and not to overdo the act since some may take it wrongly.
Anything overdone usually creates a wrong impression on the target prey,
which in this context is the man or woman you are interested in so much.
How do we smell? Do you think that has much to do with the seduction? Yes,
it matters a lot, how you will feel encountering a person who is smelling
sweat all over the body. How is the feeling of interacting with such people in
the first place? Besides, how do you feel when you have sweat and about to
hug someone in the street. Do you feel confident about yourself or are you
just constricted to do what you have to do? Naturally, people with a great
smell in their bodies tend to attract ladies, and it is the best seduction
technique for men. Next time you want to approach that lady you always
admire opposite street, just put on a pleasant cologne with a pleasant scent
that is used to trigger the condition. Most ladies are tempted to ask the kind
of perfume you are using, and as a gentleman, you can take that opportunity
to initiate that talk you dreaded most. That smell of your body is likely to turn
them on and make them love you instantly. Who does not want to be loved
by the opposite sex unless you are not normal or attracted to the same sex as
your preference?
Ultimately, the tone of the voice can be incorporated in the seduction process,
where one is tempted to combine it with facial expression, which may make
or break the intended bond. In most cases, people may use the right non-
verbal communication skill well until they try to talk when the hell breaks
loose. How you talk matters a lot during the seduction process, and that is
why it is the last technique to be exercised by any seducer. This technique if
you do not know how to use it well, it can mess you up a big deal. Imagine
after struggling with all other techniques, and now your tonal voice is
messing you up. How will you feel if that happens to you? Most probably
you will not feel good about it at all, but the funny part of it is that you will
not realize it until you are done. The person you are talking to will not tell
you either, but the reaction or how they turn you off after the whole struggle
will show you that your tonal variation was not okay. Therefore, making the
right tonal voice is crucial during seduction. When you make that soft,
pleasant tone tend to convey the right positive emotion to the other party
successfully. The tone alone is likely to get a woman in the right mood to talk
to you. Nevertheless, making a harsh and negative tonal voice can create
irritation and withdrawal for the other party. Using harsh and negative words
is likely to negate the mood created by the non-verbal communication skills
during seduction. Sticking to the right tone all the time matters a lot where
seduction is concerned and veered to create a long-lasting relationship.
 CHAPTER 6: BODY
LANGUAGE FOR SELL
One could write the best speech on earth, but no one will probably remember
you if you speak in a whisper with a downcast look on your face while
delivering that speech. The speech delivery is much important, just like the
way it should be delivered to the audience. How you speak makes a lot of
sense more than what you speak. In this case, the speech is not that important,
but the way one delivers that speech is what matters to people. How you utter
the scribed words in the speech, the delivery process of your words, how they
are being heard by people. It is important to take note of the eyes, crossed
arms, and body posture while delivering the message. It matters a lot to the
audience and also to yourself while selling policy or something you want
people to benefit from you. Getting the right non-verbal communication skill
more so the body language enables one to take advantage of the situation,
take control and manipulate the audience. The influence is earned by a
convincing body language that conveys the same message as the body. How
it is incorporated to mean the same thing matters a lot in this concept.
Strategically, body language can help one to emphasize the argument to make
it resonate with the audience, thus attracting their attention and involvement
in the whole issue of engagement. If you want to make your prospective
client understand what you intend to sell to them, what you want them to
know about the product or how you want them to perceive your undertakings.
It is prudent to understand the body language which appeals to them all the
time, or you forget about getting their attention or making the intended sales.
This kind of communication is a crucial part of communication, which must
be taken seriously by the producers, sellers, and intermediaries, more so in
business settings. When you want to drive an important home to the
audience, consider moving towards them, nodding, maintaining eye contact
and smiling make it easier. These gestures create positive air for the audience
and also make them feel confident.
For one to boost the confidence during the presentation, one needs to open
arms and chest with a stiff straight back. The position makes one breathe well
while delivering the speech to the audience. Making the best presentation
enables one to create a good rapport with the audience. That rapport created
can turn out to be friendship for many people, which helps them in
succeeding in business sales. Remember that only sales challenges can help
the business to create a competitive advantage in the market.
When it comes to sales, attitude determines the general outcome of the
negotiation, whet we put into the conversation highly depends on our attitude.
Challenges are everywhere, and people should learn to surpass the
consequential conversations, which tend to break our tendency to win the
conversation — having that in mind, we can create a good impression
through body language and the general outward appearance for the task.
Having the same boring business call over and over does not change
anything, it is the enthusiasm we put into our tone attitude that can turn tables
not our favor, how we want things to be and the goals and objectives set to be
fulfilled.
Engaging eyes, as opposed to dull gaze, can win someone over to your way
of thinking, it can help a person to focus on the intended message. If you look
someone in the eye while talking, they feel that you are interested in what is
being said, and you are vouching into their ideas. Nevertheless, one should be
careful not to overdo that because it might mean that you are staring oddly in
a creepy way that may not appeal to other people. Moreover, one should try
to smile while speaking, and the smile relaxes muscles on your face making it
admirable. It further creates a welcoming expression that enables the other
party to feel appreciated and adored in the kind of relationship you are both
having at that time. However, be careful not to overdo the smile since one
can easily detect a deceiving smile very well thus making the conversation to
be dull and unamusing. Also, when making a sale, you should always ensure
that you consider the behavior of the other party who is available for chase
and try to convince them in such a way that they are made aware that you can
do the task.
Most of the time, making a sale can be a desperate business that can leave
you chewing your nails, tearing your hair out, biting your lips, and making
other miserable gestures. On the other hand, it can be good rolling fun when
you have mastered all its flows and bliss to its parry to the commercial world.
It all depends on how one perceives doing deals or going after every deal that
requires their commitment, perseverance, and wit of connecting with others.
Without connection, one cannot succeed in personal selling and business may
not be your thing at the end of the day. Not forgetting that people only need
those who make them feel important, wanted and adore in society. If you
cannot create that sense of importance, adoration and want in business
dealing or during personal selling, you are doom to fail. Who on earth does
not want to be appreciated, wanted and adored by others? Even the politicians
always adore the psychopaths who keep on praising them wherever they go,
those who praise them highly and make names for them are the ones
appreciated by these people. Then how on earth will you intend to win that
sales pitch if you do not consider your client to be worthy, great in potential
to fit your needs. That is very scary, but it is the truth that people should
always be aware of, accept and adopt in order to succeed in any dealing.
However, when selling, one should strive to look at the speaker while sharing
an idea. This shows that you are at the same level and are aware of what they
are going through, how they feel, how they capture the whole idea to make it
worth sharing, and how they generally view other things from their
perspective. Moreover, one should be sure to keep the gaze open and
appealing to the speaker so that it does not attract any other negative feelings.
In other words, an open gaze creates a way for the speaker to understand your
concern about the matter as well. In case you are allowed to express your
concern, be sure to reflect on the speech of the former speaker to make them
appreciated, adored and well understood.
But all in all, the body language expression during that speech is what
determines the level of understanding, comprehension of the ideas and the
general perceptions of those ideas. In any case possible, one should nod while
the other person is speaking. It creates a positive feeling on the speaker, and
they feel like they had won the battle even before making the point clear to
everyone. That nodding makes the impression that you are empathetic,
appreciative and interested in what one is saying, and you are willing to vote
in their ideas for greatness.
Leaning forward when someone is speaking can create a good gesture that
you do not want to invade their territory. The act of moving close to the
person speaking or you intend to have a conversation with shows that you are
interested in them and ready to listen. It does not matter the kind of
conversation you intend to have with them. What matters is the way you
express yourself to them, how ready you are to get their full attention while
speaking. This kind of gesture can win you a client when in a business setting
where the attentiveness is highly regarded as a form of respect. It can be
aided with an open hand gesture when engaging in a vibrant conversation that
requires much attention. When doing so, the other party should notice that
you are just doing it unconsciously and not forcing it to happen. The
enthusiasm which comes with such gestures should speak for itself, and the
realization of its impact will be felt when the other person reacts in a
reciprocating way.
If you want to make a clear body language when making a sale, one should
always strive to mirror their speech pattern in such a way that it appeals to the
audience — ensuring that you speak at the same speed with the admirable
tone, which does not contradict the general body language. That feelings and
perceptions should match the speech for it to be effective to the audience and
the general public consumption. In most cases, you will be required to make a
speech to a large audience, and when such times come, be prepared to exploit
the opportunity to work on your favor. By doing so, you will be able to attract
more positivity towards your way, and the general perception actualized
accordingly. Therefore, mirroring such events before they occur enables one
to have a conceivable future direction and desire towards achieving the set
objectives. It is like having a concrete plan configured towards achieving the
set goals and objectives in business or life in general. That strategic plan
enables one to create a competitive advantage in the market. In this case, the
market is the desired objective the other competitors are aiming at just like
you. In every conversation, there is an intention, and for everything to work
your way, you must have clear set goals and making them clear to the other
party need a convincing speech pattern. In case you feel too fast, it can create
an impression that you are putting more pressure on the other person. While
when you speak too slowly, it can indicate that you are too lazy or
unconcerned about the matter in hand. Mirroring this before delivering the
speech makes you practice well and enable you to perceive the likely
outcome of your speech delivery.
Interestingly, remaining calm when someone is making a speech can give a
positive impression on the speaker. They will think that you are attentive and
in agreement with what they are saying. In other words, it makes one feel
positively attached to what they are saying, and the knowledge that there is a
caring listener in the crowd makes them feel awesome. Ever wonder why
some people feel good when you keep quiet when they are talking? Why they
prefer that nodding more than replies and questions triggered towards them
while speaking. It is very interesting how it works wonders on people, and
the same can be applied when talking or selling policy to the other party.
When you let them talk, express their feelings, worries, and emotions
whether negative or positive. The art of listening makes them feel welcomed,
wanted, appreciated and valued by the listener. Even if you are selling a bar
of gold in which everybody knows its value and importance at a lower price,
master the art of listening in an effective way that elicits the feelings of the
speaker. By doing so, you are likely to win them, win their trust and their
friendship, which may result in a long-lasting relationship. In business, all
you need is connectivity forged through friendship and not a customer who
will buy from you today and go forever. One should be cautious when
making such engagement. It may mean less important to you, but it means
much to the other person.
Ultimately, one should take caution on how they shake hands, be it in a
meeting, casual gathering, or high places. All that matters are how you carry
out yourself when making that crucial handshake. The pressure put into it
matters a lot and do not mistake handshake intended for women to appeal for
men. It does not work that way; women prefer a gentle and caring handshake
while men need that hand and pressured handshake to determine the
confidence in a person. Therefore, when shaking hands with men, be sure to
do it well; it can either sell you out or make things worse.
 CHAPTER 7: BODY
LANGUAGE FOR
NEGOTIATION
Successful negotiation entails many things, and it has little to do with just
saying the right thing. It has been proven that commanding body language
plays a vital role when negotiating more so when it is in a business setting.
Mastering this essential skill can pivot one to the highest income generating
dealing ever. However, it has little to do with what you learn in class or
taught in psychology schools. It is a practical phenomenon that has to be
practiced and enhanced with time. What matters most is the skill of mastery
you put into it. Foremost, one needs to mirror the other person’s actions,
body language, and general behavior as portrayed when one is talking.
Through that, one can easily understand the vocal tone and the facial
expression of the speaking enabling them to build the rapport necessary for
the negotiation. For instance, when a prospect is talking on the podium,
leaning forward and following the conversation, make one connect quickly
with the speaker. The speaker will notice the interest and the positive
influence you have in the speech.
Moreover, it is the interest that matters most in this instance where the
speaker and the listener can connect on a mutual ground of interest. Later you
can connect well since negotiation rapport had been created during the speech
delivery. In case, you lean back and cross your arms during that speech
delivery; the speaker may wonder if you are interested in their choice of a
topic or there is something wrong. When this happens, be sure that the
negotiation has begun on a negative point of view and maybe you will not
win in such a case. No one likes a challenge, and when it comes to
negotiation, you need to challenge your partner in such a positive way.
Furthermore, nodding negotiation skills can be adopted from the former
president of the United States, Barrack Obama; from all his speeches, you
can easily notice this unique negotiation skill in action. The president adopted
this technique even when, in total disagreement with the delegates, he will
always nod and keep eye contact at all times. They clearly can be traced back
to his dramatic win during the election when he was delivering his speech. If
you can recall, he is the most eloquent and presentable guy so far. How he
delivers his speech, how he talks, and the kind of negotiation he employs in
his career is irreplaceable. No wonder he achieved a lot during his tenure.
Moreover, negotiation skills can help in defusing tension in the mass and
build a continuous alignment towards achieving an objective. It also helps to
build bridges between the whites and the blacks in the country. Besides, the
negotiation skill used by the top state official enables the country to gain
power through the treaties signed by these people to help the state get to its
level. How will you convince a person if you cannot convince yourself? Does
it make any sense at all? The skill is mandatory for any business person who
desires to get on top of the game. It compels patience and a deep
understanding of the flows involved in the system.
Additionally, one should pay attention to the hands, how they are being used
to convey a message. Stress and nervousness are always shown in by the
hand movement. In this instance, it becomes very hard to hide the feelings
since one can get it all through the hands. How you fidget your hands while
talking and how your things are portrayed by the use of the hand can tell how
an issue is serious, or you are just joking with people. Moreover, an
understanding or wise person will always see it through the way you use the
hands. When hands are clasp together tightly while communicating, it can
depict that you are nervous and afraid of something. A good negotiator will
always take advantage of such situations to get what they want from you and
even get the better part of your attention. At this level, all it means is that you
are vulnerable to any attack that may be triggered your way by anyone.
Defending yourself becomes very difficult when signs of vulnerability and
mediocrity have been observed. These are signs of weakness, and anyone can
easily fall for such setbacks, but showing it in public is what can drain the
whole relationship. To counter such tragic events, one should learn to put
hands below the chest and grasp the fingers together in front of you to fain
confidence while talking. When it is done rightly, one can get all it takes
from the audience and the observer. What do you need if it is not the
influence while talking, the manipulation that comes with it, and how to sway
people into your way of thinking. A great negotiator always knows how to
persuade people to their way of thinking, perception, point of view and the
beliefs of their act. Getting that influence to require a skill that inbuilt skill
that cannot be repudiated by anyone in society. One should have a long-
lasting impact on the partner for them to be approved by the situation of the
society at large. An influential person always knows how to use his or her
hand when talking or when communicating with others in public.
Similarly, how you plant your feet during negotiation speak for itself. It can
either sell you out or make you drain into your pit. Though it has little to do
with the negotiation, one can easily depict from your feet, if it is firmly
planted into the ground or when it is dwindling on top of the other while
sitting or standing. The message can be perceived rightly when your foot is
unsettled to show that you are nervous or not at ease with the situation. One
can easily tell when you are lying or telling the truth by looking at your feet.
Correspondingly, non-verbal behavior plays a great role during negotiation.
These behaviors radiate back to openness, confidence, and honesty which
back up the optimistic behavior seen in most of the high performers. By
employing the right negotiation skill, they can reach a mutually satisfying
agreement at the end of everything. How people do behave can indicate their
true state of mind, how they perceive things and the way they act on every
activity. By reading their true attitude and intentions, one can get a full view
of their way of life, and negotiation becomes very easy.
It is prudent to learn much about the person you are about to negotiate within
time before any attempt to make any move. Knowing their culture, beliefs,
and the perception they have towards the subject help in alleviating the
success of the negotiation. One needs to show up in time on the day they are
to negotiate on any subject. It helps in getting the negotiation on the right
foot, and it shows that you value time and all which is there to make on-time
without wastage by dwindling around trying to dodge in a different way.
How do you feel when you are the first person to arrive at the venue or
arriving at the designated time as scheduled? Watch out before you open your
mouth during negotiation, how are the reactions around you, how do they
view you generally to get it done or how do they welcome you to the venue.
Be cautious about every action in the room before you comment on anything;
it can save you a great deal. It is not your business to comment on anything
you see, hear or perceived when you go somewhere new unless they seek
your view on it. Back to your arrival, being late is perceive to be disrespectful
and discourteous. Generally, it is insulting to be late to your first meeting. It
shows that you cannot be trusted or being ordained to high positions by
anyone who cares for their time. In short, you are incompetent, and integrity
is questionable by the other party. How will you keep on lying about your
reason for being late even if they accept the apology or you want them to get
used to it so that when they agree on the negotiation terms there will not be
any problem? It does not work that way, and even if it is so, it will become
very hard at the end of it all.
Interestingly, one can easily identify the baseline behavior before getting into
any negotiation. There is a crucial chance of meeting the prospects and have a
chit chat before getting into serious business. At this point is when one can
easily establish the kind of behavior, they are likely to encounter during
negotiation. During normal charting with strangers, they are real, and their
behavior can be seen in the way they talk, reason, and view things on
different subjects. If you want to get the negotiation to favor you, make good
use of those times when you can easily talk without any pressure involved
unlike when in a meeting setting. Pre-negotiation usually determines how one
will likely behave when faced with pressure during the real negotiation. One
can easily predict their turning point, what tune them to behave in a certain
way, what irritates them, and what amuse them. By observing these factors
well, you will get away on how to deal with them while negotiating for
business purpose or when there is a crucial deal you want them to involve
you in for own benefit. How they react when answering questions during pre-
negotiations chat can determine their honesty or witty way of getting things
done. If there is a calm, composed facial expression when answering a
question, you can conclude that they are honest and can be trusted. In case
they are not honest, you will notice give-away behavior accompanied by
shuffling of feet, tense facial expressions, and other awkward excuses when
they do not know how to convince you to their way of thinking. It will be
very difficult to maintain such a conversation since there will be no flow of
events. Constructing one lie after the other usually becomes very difficult,
and in most cases, they will try to avoid the subject. In such a case, know that
you are being duped into shit, which you cannot remove yourself. Therefore,
when engaging in real conversation during the negotiation, do not forget the
former behavior. Try to observe if they are repeated in the negotiation
process. In case you sense any of it, try to get hold of yourself and do not go
on in such negotiation since there are high chances that you are being played.
Alternatively, one should get notice of the facial expression when negotiating
with a client, partner, or business associate. Observe the breathing pattern,
eyes, mouth movement, and jaw of these people. These features can predict
their thoughts, emotions, and intentions for the negotiation. One should take
note that even the temperature of a person can tell much about the person's
mental state. Knowing to observe different facial expressions sign can help
one to save much of the investment, which may be a result of cheating,
fraudulent behaviors, and scum, which are done unnoticed. For instance,
frowning and tense lips can show that someone does not agree with your
point of view and it indicates that you should change your way of thinking or
how you do things.
Ultimately, there is a way that one can twist their mouth to depict that they do
not like you, or they do not approve your intended action. By observing these
signs, one can make the right decision before things turn worse. You should
know that negative behavior displayed during negotiation clearly shows how
close-minded a person is, how recalcitrance and disinterested in the subject.
In response to such negative gestures, one can nod in agreement, lean
towards the client with a controlled calm face to show respect for their
decision and perception of the event. By doing so, they will not detect that
you have unraveled their deceit.
 CHAPTER 8: BODY
LANGUAGE FOR PUBLIC
SPEAKING
Body language can be defined as the non-verbal cues that somebody uses
while making a speech. Body language is an important aspect that every
public speaker should have. These nonverbal cues from the ground
foundation for your speech both before you start and even after starting your
speech. They will give impact to the message you are passing, how it is being
received and how they look at you as their speaker. A speaker could have the
best speech ever prepared but how they deliver it is all that matters. Being
able to work on your body language can make a big difference in how you
relate to your audience. This is always the first step in public speaking before
being able to understand your audience’s body language as well. Recognizing
the body language of an audience can tell you a lot about what the audience
feels about you, how they are receiving your message. For example, an
audience may start whispering while you are the center of your speech
because you are not audible and clear enough. A speaker who is not able to
tell why their audiences are whispering will have failed at their job and the
audience will not have gotten the message that you wanted to pass. A good
speaker should behave the appropriate body language while talking to their
audience and also be able to understand the audience's body language as well.
It is important to understand that body language can make you succeed or
fail. Observing the right body language, which is for you and your audience,
you will be able to succeed while you fail if you can’t observe your body
language. A lot of people practice on speech alone but forget on the
important part which is body behavior. A speaker who has gained the ability
to read and control their body language does not have a hard time trying to
figure out what their audience is saying. A good speaker should be able to
influence the audience into doing and understanding what they are saying.
They are uninfluential in the society and they often are used as public figures
when it comes to public meetings and public gatherings. They can easily
calm down an angry crowd and talk to them get their grievances and also
show them the way out of their situations and problems. However, learning
how to use your body language and that of others takes time to learn and
effort. A good speaker can make an impact on their audience such that
everybody listening to them would walk out having a different idea of what
they thought. They should be able to bring out multiple channels of
communication between them and their audience. The following are body
language that every good speaker should have.
 POWER POSE
Having a powerful pose makes one feel powerful and contributes to a rise in
testosterone levels thereby increasing your dominance (ammy cuddy, 2011).
This pose makes the audience like you as they start admiring your
dominance. This is done by, standing straight with your shoulders back and
your legs width apart, rest your shoulders centrally and try to focus, place
your hand on either side of your body which will help you make gestures
easily if need be and lastly face your audience at most of your speech.
Always walk around the room to make sure that every audience in the room
has a clear view of you and is confident about you.
 EYE CONTACT
Making and maintaining eye contact with your audience creates a connection
between you and this makes the audience feel loved and valued. They can
respect you and listen to you because you have made them feel important.
The audience can trust you and whatever you are saying, this is because it is
known that people do not make eye contact when they are lying. Making eye
contact is also the easiest way in which you can get honest feedback from
your audience. You can tell whether your audience is listening, bored,
interested in your topic, tired, happy and so many other things. Going on with
your speech without making any eye contact with your audience could make
them angry. It is ethically said that when talking to a large number of people
you should maintain eye contact with one member in the audience for at least
four or more seconds before moving to the other member. Use the zigzag
noti0on while making eye contact with your audience, that is, look at one
member at the back left, then back right, then to the front left and front right.
While at this you should make sure that you do this with different members
of the audience. This will help you connect with as many of the members as
possible. If in a case of one on one setting, maintain eye contact with the
person for ten seconds and then give it a break. This should also be applied
when in a question and answer scenario.
 HAND GESTURES
Using the correct hand gestures can also help enhance your message even
further. This also makes you feel confident and more relaxed because they
help you amplify your speech and make it believable. This is an essential part
of body language that helps people understand what you are feeling. For
example, putting your verbs into action like showing the action of playing
football can be brought out by the use of your hands. As to how important the
use of gestures can be it is also good to make sure that you do not overuse it
this would make you look nervous before the audience or as if you are not
sure of what you are saying. Gestures are more defined and stronger so it is
good that you do not overuse them. Use gestures to communicate numbers
and position and descriptive gestures to show movement, for example, length.
You can use emotional gestures like clapping your hands to show a plea. Use
can use different body parts for your gestures like the feet and arm.
 MOVEMENT
Moving around shows the audience that you are confident and you have the
facts straight for whatever you are saying. Movement helps you include your
audience in your conversation. Your audience will be more engaged and will
be able to trust your message since you have already proved to be confident.
While making your movements make sure that you do not pace around the
stage every thirty seconds this will distract your audience. Take time after
one move to take the other one. Know how to make the transition of your
topics as you go from one topic to another. During the question and answer
time, it is good that you move towards the audience and engage them from
there. This will help you grasp the attention of your listeners.
 EXPRESSION
These are mostly facial expressions that a speaker might use to emphasize
their point. The audience can interpret your feelings and thoughts by just
looking at your facial expressions. It is important to realize that the faces you
make should interconnect with what you are talking about. For example, you
cannot laugh while giving out a speech at a funeral, it would sound awkward
and weird. These facial expressions ted to confuse people as you might find
the other person interprets your facial expression in a way that you don’t. for
example, a frowned face shows that somebody is angry, while others might
interpret it as confusion, so your facial expression should be clear to
everyone.
 MANNERISMS
These are habits that most people do that they don't feel anything wrong
about them but the other party feels very uncomfortable and feels very
offended. These behaviors might include placing your hands in the pocket,
playing with your hands, using words like ‘um'. Like a good speaker, you
should be able to know and understand that you have these habits and it’s
hard for you to stop. After acknowledgment work towards fighting them off
since they are irritating. Facing your audience after you have cleared these
habits will make your audience more involved in your discussions.
 BREATHING
Breathing is also an important factor in public speaking especially when you
are feeling nervous. Maintaining a slow breath will help you cool down and
forego the nervousness. Relaxed breathes also ensure that you are talking in a
relaxed state and pace. Breathing heavily or fast can increase your
nervousness and also you cannot be heard properly because of the fast-talking
and breathing. Doing some breathing exercises before starting your speech is
very important. Making sure that you stand up straight and you do not fight
for breath is also an important body language. A good speaker with the
motive to influence their audience should be able to control their breathing
and nervousness in front of their audiences listening to them.
 VOICE
Your vocal expression tells a lot about you and the speech you are just about
to deliver. The audience will be able to remember a speaker who was loud
and had confidence in his voice.
A speaker needs to convince the audience that they know that they are talking
about. This will influence the audience ethically as the speaker can know
both sides of the arguments and can present it correctly. Understanding your
audience will be a good factor that will help a speaker be able to influence
their audiences. Having the character of your audiences at the back of your
mind will help you know and research more on the subject matter and try to
fix it in a way that fits your audience’s approach of reasoning and way of
viewing things. Being able to cite relevant quotes and citations in your speech
will capture the attention of your audiences and in this state, it is easy to
manipulate them and have them reason together with you. It is good that you
make references especially for things that you feel need more references.
After the speaker now has all this ready and can understand their feelings,
they can now be able to learn more about their audiences. A speaker would
be able to know when the audience is listening or when the audience does not
seem to conquer with your speech. Public speakers can easily influence and
manipulate people in society.
The ultimate goal for public speaking has to gain members' attention but it’s
not an easy task all the same. Public speakers are known to be the pillar of
society. Having special and easily body languages help you paying attention
to your speech. A good speaker for any kind can change the bad habits of a
student who had fallen into addiction. This is because, at this point, they can
distinguish different body languages and expressions that the audiences use
as you go on with your speech. A good speaker should have the confidence to
manipulate people ethically and help them forego their bad habits. The body
language as explained above relates to both the speaker and the audience role
in the speech. It is also good to note that while preparing for a speech, the
speaker must first think of the ethical conditions of public speaking, learn and
understand their audience. A speaker that sets out their minds to help people
in their speech will always go over their speech over again and if possible, act
the same speech to your friends and let them tell you if your presentation is
okay. Being persuasive and influential to people helps people gain a lot of
trust in you and they tend to believe whatever you tell them. Such public
speakers with such ethical grounds are capable of changing the ideas of a
whole community only through several words and talks. It has however been
proven that a good public speaker one who is influential requires to learn
body language to up their game in public speaking.
 CONCLUSION
Thank you for making it through to the end of Book Title, let’s hope it was
informative and able to provide you with all of the tools you need to achieve
your goals whatever they may be.
The next step is to get to action and apply what you have learned from the
book. Note that, learning how to analyze people is a wide topic that does not
stop here. Therefore, it is beneficial for you to continue learning and find
other equally beneficial resources where you can get the information you
seek regarding how to analyze people. From the chapters you understand that
analyzing people does not have to be for unethical reasons, it is also possible
to analyze people and use the information you gather ethically. For instance,
you can analyze a client during a negotiation to know whether they are
serious clients or not and also, to understand their references in the sales
negotiation.
The bottom line is that we should not analyze people for unethical reasons.
We should focus on using the information we gather from analyzing people
to better react to their message and actions. It makes you seem smart and
more at sync with people when you are able to react to their actions without
overreacting simply because you understand what they really wish to convey
whether their words convey it effectively or not.
This book was designed to help you learn how to analyze people for a better
environment and better relations with people. For instance, by understanding
the different personality types, you are better able to comprehend and work
with people who have different personalities without making anyone feel
unwanted or not understood in every situation. As such, it is important for
managers and leaders to learn how to analyze people for the simple reason
that they manage people with different personalities and they must ensure
that everyone remains motivated to work and be productive.
Therefore, after gathering the much and beneficial information from this
book, it is important for you to also teach the people around you how to
analyze the people they work and relate with on a daily basis. This is ethical
in that; it helps people react to issues better as well as relationships with the
people around them better. We all want to live in an accommodative world
and we should be willing to do what it takes to achieve that. This includes
helping people around us analyze other people’s actions and reacting to them
accordingly without hurting their feelings.
If at this point you are still wondering why you should invest extra time to
understand how to analyze people, you could be avoiding the importance of
identifying gestures, postures, and expressions that help you to be a better
person as well. Moreover, if you wish to communicate your feelings without
talking much or speaking, understanding the different body languages is the
way to go. This is what most people apply when they refuse to talk to their
partners and apply what they call “cold war”. They let their actions and body
language do the speaking and communicate what they actually feel. In the
end, the partner understands that they are not happy about something and
they either ask how to change things or better still do what is required of
them. This is the perfect example of how a person can apply body language
and how people can read body language in a bid to save a situation.
Finally, if you found this book useful in any way, a review on Amazon is
always appreciated!
 INFLUENCE PEOPLE
The Most Updated Tools and Techniques to
Persuade People and Win New Friends in the
Digital Age, even Without Authority.
 INTRODUCTION

Congratulations on purchasing Influence People, and thank you for doing so.

The following chapters will discuss the different ways of making friends and
developing influence in the digital age despite having no social authority. The
society has created the perception that finding the right partner or being in a
romantic relationship is more important than having friends. However,
research has proven that friends play an important role in developing and
strengthening our psychological welfare. When you have the right friends
whom you share interests and possibly life goals, you are bound to be happier
in life as compared to a person with less friends. This is because good friends
help in relieving stress, providing joy, comfort, and above all, they help in
preventing solitude and loneliness. Additionally, developing closes and
mutually beneficial friendships impacts your physical health significantly.
Lack of a social connection leads people to fall into the smoking or
alcoholism trap as a way of fighting boredom and loneliness. Good friends
are tied to longevity, and they walk with you and through the different phases
of life; celebrate with you in times of joy and comfort you in times of sorrow.
A study conducted in Sweden concluded that apart from boosting your
physical wellbeing, having a strong network of friends adds a substantial
number of years to a person’s life. However, close and long-term friendships
do not just happen; they require genuine dedication to build and maintain.
This is why most people find it hard to develop quality friendship networks in
the digital age.
The following chapters have discussed what you can do to earn friends in the
digital age and how to do it. Though it may feel like hard work and daunting,
healthy and long-term friendships help in improving mood in different
situations, they propel and challenge us to achieve life goals, and they reduce
our chances of developing depression. Hence, it becomes important for each
one of us to have a strong network of friends that we can rely on in times of
trouble and celebrate with in times of joy and success.
We are innately social beings; even introverts are very social. Just like park
animals, humans survive better when they connect with other like-minded
humans. When you have a supportive group of friends, who care to know
how your day and commiserate with you over coffee, you are bound to be at
your happiest and healthiest state in life. Who would not want to be at their
happiest and healthiest? No one… therefore, making the initial time and
effort investment should not be so demotivating after all. Just like a
bodybuilding champion never gets tired of hitting the gym, so should not get
tired of investing in great friendships and working towards influencing
people positively.
Choosing to read this book is just the first step towards your journey of
winning friends and influencing people. The real job is implementing what
you learn. To make transitioning easier, it is advisable to apply at least one or
two tips that you learn daily. With time, the habits become almost natural,
and you do not struggle to be around people, start conversations, build
friendships, and influence people around you.

There are plenty of books on this subject on the market, thanks again for
choosing this one! Every effort was made to ensure it is full of as much
useful information as possible, please enjoy!
 CHAPTER 1: STARTING
AND RETAINING A
CONVERSATION

The digital era has changed how people have conversations; people rarely
have conversations at all. People turn away from each other, bend over their
phones, pads, or computers with the aim of connecting online as opposed to
connecting with people who are next to them whether on a flight, social
gathering, meeting, church event, or any public place you may think of. This
has triggered the debate whether this is really a problem or the new normal
that we must all get accustomed to. As much as people are conforming to
evolution and technological advancements, it is important to reclaim
conversations by engaging more with the people who are around us.
Otherwise, we are bound to lose a lot of values that make the society work
and be more accommodative, like; empathy, connection, creativity, intimacy,
and the ability to remain productive at work.
For instance, researchers have proven that people who spend more time
seeking online connections are poor at identifying what other people feel and,
worse still, at identifying their own feelings. This is because people need eye
contact to read and learn the emotions exuded by others correctly and be in a
better position to connect closely and offer the required assistance. The
problem is that it is almost impossible for people to give up cell phones. We
are smitten by the instant gratification offered by mobile devices. People do
not like to get bored, feel uncomfortable or lonely, especially when in public
places. Therefore, it is common for people to pull out mobile devices to seek
entertainment when standing in line at the stores, waiting in the doctor’s
office, during a flight or when taking a bus. But, if we took the time to learn
the adverse effects that the digital conversations are causing, maybe people
would be more open to engaging in meaningful conversations with everyone
including strangers. For example, children nowadays do not learn or know
how to treat others in a manner that considers how they feel or how they
would react to something simply because they are not accustomed to looking
people in the eyes when having conversations. This has made them fail to
learn how to access people’s feelings and react in a manner that does not hurt
them or make their situation worse. Teens on the other hand, barely
concentrate in class because they are always thinking about checking their
mobile devices to either fight boredom or check on the latest social media
updates. Workers no longer interact with colleagues over tea and lunch
breaks; they are obsessed about checking the latest online offers or continue
with social media conversations, and as a result, they become less creative,
connected, and productive.
What people fail to realize is that boredom has a purpose; it signals you to go
deeper and reflect on what you are doing. This way, you learn how to engage
your thoughts and imaginations as well as trigger creativity. Moreover, once
you learn how to tune out boredom, you reclaim the power to remain
comfortable in solitude, which is crucial for positive human development. If,
as a society, we continue relying on online conversations to build and
maintain social contact, we are bound to lose perspective and shroud
ourselves in fixed ideas as shared within our online network circles. This, in
turn, creates tension in the society and growing intolerance to differences,
factors that are well brought out in the political disclosure and personal
relationships that do not seem to last lately. Studies have revealed that people
rarely post things that other people will not like or agree with because
everyone wants to be liked and make friends on social media platforms.
These are just a few examples that bring out the need to have a conversation
in the current digital era. As much as technology helps and makes things
easier for us, there are a few technological factors that must be balanced to
ensure that we maintain a peaceful and accommodative society. So, how can
we reclaim the conversations?
The good news is that most people, especially youths, have noticed the need
for having face to face conversation and are working towards building an
interactive culture that they can relate with and one that is easy for them to
invest in. For instance, there has been a rise in the number of technology-free
spaces where people can socialize and have conversations. But, when it is all
said and done, winning the battle starts with educating people on how to start
and maintain conversations. As aforementioned, people use mobile devices
everywhere to avoid feeling uncomfortable; having to start a conversation
without knowing how to keep it going and interesting can be uncomfortable
for most people and may as well hinder them from engaging in conversations.
 STARTING A
CONVERSATION
One of our most significant conversational abilities doesn't originate from our
tongue, yet from our body. Researchers have demonstrated that a good
number of up close and personal discussions are nonverbal. "Non-verbal
communication," as it is called, frequently conveys our emotions and frames
of mind before we talk, and it anticipates our degree of receptivity to other
people. Most poor conversationalists don't understand that their non-
receptive, non-verbal communication (crossed arms, little eye to eye
connection, and no grinning) is frequently the reason for short and
unsustained discussions. We are judged rapidly by the primary sign we emit,
and if the initial introductions are not open and amicable, it will be hard to
keep up a decent discussion. The accompanying "mellowing" strategies can
establish your first connections work for you or against you. There are
nonverbal signals that will make individuals increasingly responsive and
open to you. Since your non-verbal communication talks before you open
your mouth to say anything, it is imperative to extend a responsive picture. At
the point when you utilize open non-verbal communication, you are sending
the sign: "I'm friendly and willing to engage in a conversation despite the
direction it takes.
How to start a conversation and make friends
Utilize your non-verbal communication to separate the characteristic
boundaries that distant you from outsiders. Here are a few things you can do
when starting a conversation to make people want to engage in discussion
with you, especially strangers.

Grin
A charming grin is a solid sign of an inviting and open frame of mind and an
ability to impart. It is an open, nonverbal sign sent with the expectation that
the other individual will grin back. At the point when you grin, you show that
you have seen the individual in a positive way. This is an important non-
verbal communication because most people think of it as a compliment and
will, as a rule, feel better when engaging with you in a conversation. The
other individual will ordinarily grin back. Grinning doesn't imply that you
need to put on a fake face or imagine that you are upbeat constantly. In any
case, when you see somebody you know, or might want to reach, do grin. By
grinning, you are showing an open disposition to discussion. The human face
conveys a gigantic number of verbal and nonverbal signs. In the event that
you convey cordial messages, you will get amicable messages back. At the
point when you couple a comforting grin with an inviting hi, you'll be
wonderfully astonished by comparative reactions. It's the most effortless and
most ideal approach to show somebody that you've seen him. A grin shows
general endorsement toward the other individual, and this will normally make
the other individual feel progressively open to converse with you. A grin
shows you are friendly and open to correspondence. At the point when you
grimace or wrinkle your forehead, you emit sign of doubt and non-
receptivity.

Open Arms
Open arms are said to signify that you are responsive and accessible for a
conversation. You've most likely been invited with "open arms," which,
obviously, implies that an individual was happy to see you. At a gathering or
in another social or business circumstance, open arms signify that you are
inviting and ready to have a conversation. During a discussion, open arms
make others feel that you are approachable and tuning in. Then again,
standing or sitting with your arms crossed sends the message that you are
cautious, and shut down for conversations. A hand covering your mouth (and
your grin) or your jaw, and you are for all intents and purposes engaged in
deep thoughts and not ready to engage people next to you. Note that nobody
is going to interfere with somebody who seems, by all accounts, to be
somewhere deep in thought. What's more, folding your arms will, in general,
cause you to seem anxious, judgmental, or wary—all of which dishearten
individuals from moving toward you or feeling great while conversing with
you. A few people contend that since they have their arms crossed, it doesn't
imply that they are shut to discussion. They state, "I fold my arms since I'm
agreeable that way." They might be agreeable. However, the issue is that
while nobody can understand minds, they can read non-verbal
communication. Crossed arms state, "keep off" and "My brain is made up."
Open arms state, "I'm accessible for contact and ready to tune in, please
finish what you are doing and converse with me."

Forward Lean
Inclining forward somewhat while an individual is conversing with you
demonstrates enthusiasm on your part, and shows you are tuning in to what
the individual is stating. This is typically taken as a compliment by the other
individual, and will urge him to keep talking. Inclining back radiates sign of
lack of engagement and even fatigue. Inclining forward says: "I'm keen on
what you're stating." Frequently individuals will recline with their hands over
their mouth, jawline, or behind their head in the "unwinding" present.
Shockingly, this stance emits signs of judgment, doubt, and fatigue from the
audience. Since many people don't feel good when they think they are being
judged, this reclining stance will, in general, repress the speaker from
proceeding. It's far superior to lean forward marginally in an easygoing and
characteristic manner. By doing this, you are stating: "I hear what you're
stating, and I'm intrigued, please tell me more!" This typically gives the other
individual a chance to feel that what he is stating is fascinating, and urges
him to keep conversing with you. Take care not to disregard somebody's
"individual space" by getting excessively close, too early. Obviously, if the
circumstance calls for it, the closer you are with the other person, the better.
Notwithstanding, be keen to study the other individual's non-verbal
communication. Keep in mind; there are social contrasts in what establishes
an agreeable separation between outsiders occupied with discussion.

Contact/Touch
In our way of life, the most worthy type of first contact between two
individuals who are simply meeting is a warm handshake. This is typically
obvious when meeting individuals from the equivalent or inverse sex—and in
business, however, in social circumstances, as well. In almost every
circumstance, a warm and confident handshake is a protected method for
demonstrating an open and well-disposed frame of mind toward the
individuals you meet. Be the first to offer your hand for greetings. Couple
this with a well-disposed "Hello there," a decent grin, and your name, and
you will have won in the non-verbal communication art. This is because you
will have made the initial step to open the channels of correspondence among
you and the other individual. A few men don't feel directly in offering their
hand to a lady first. They state they would feel idiotic if the lady didn't shake
their hand. However, body language experts state that it is superbly
satisfactory for a man to offer a handshake to a lady, and that, much of the
time, it would be inconsiderate for either man or lady to disregard or decline
this friendly action. An inviting handshake with a grin and a warm "Hi, am
happy to meet you" is a simple, worthy type of initial contact when meeting
somebody for the very first time. A few ladies, then again, feel that they are
by and large excessively forward on the off chance should they offer a
handshake to a man. They figure the man may get "an inappropriate thought"
on the off chance that they offered their hand first to welcome them to a
conversation. The issue is that there are two individuals who are reluctant to
shake hands. In spite of the fact that there are a few exemptions as a result of
strict traditions, the greater part of the individuals surveyed regarding the
matter concur: regardless of who makes the principal move, about everybody
loves this type of physical contact. It's sheltered and nonthreatening for the
two individuals. This holds individual guards down and makes an
environment of uniformity and receptivity between the individuals.
Increasingly close to home types of touch ought to be practiced with an
affectability to the next individual's way of life, and in a warm, nonaggressive
way. It is additionally imperative to end your discussions with a warm and
friendly handshake as well, whether you are engaging in a business just as
social conversation. Top it up with a splendid grin and an inviting
proclamation like, "I've truly appreciated having a conversation with you!" or
"I have learned a lot and would like to have this conversation again!" This is
a magnificent method to end a discussion and leaves you and the other
individual both happy and like the outcome of your engagement.

Eye to Eye Connection

Maybe the most grounded of the nonverbal communications are sent through
the eyes. Direct eye to eye connection shows that you are tuning in to what
the other individual is talking about and that you are thinking more about it
too. Combine eye to eye connection with a benevolent smile, and you'll send
these unquestionable messages "I'd like to converse with you. Also, perhaps
become acquainted with you better." Eye to eye connection ought to be
characteristic and not constrained or exaggerated. It is flawlessly alright to
have brief times of eye to eye connection while you watch different pieces of
the individual's face—especially the mouth. At the point when the individual
grins, make certain to grin back. Yet consistently endeavor to restore your
look to the individual's eyes as they talk. It is entirely expected to gaze
upward, down, and all-around when addressing others, and it's adequate not
to have eye to eye connection consistently. Note that an excess of eye to eye
connection can be counterproductive. In the event that you gaze at an
individual for too long, they may feel awkward and even suspicious about
your aims. A fixed gaze can show up as forceful conduct on the off chance
that it appears as a test regarding who will turn away first. It isn't shrewd to
utilize eye to eye connection as a control battle, since it will, as a rule, bring
about a pessimistic, protective reaction from the other individual. In the event
that you have an issue maintaining healthy eye contact, attempt these
recommendations. Start with brief times of eye to eye connection—possibly
just a couple of moments. Look at the pupil of the other individual's eyes and
grin. At that point, let your eyes travel over the highlights of their face, hair,
nose, lips, and even ear cartilage! There is a six-inch distance across the eyes
that can give a visual pathway. Keep in mind, after a couple of seconds,
establish eye contact again. This indicates that you are attentive and
interested to hear more of what the other party is saying; it motivates them to
keep talking. Avoiding eye contact for long makes both parties in a
conversation feel uncomfortable and unappreciated. It means that you are
bored and with the person and the conversation you are having.

Nod in Agreement
A nod without even saying anything implies that you are following the
conversation and better still understanding what the other party is explaining.
On the other hand, a blank stare to the person’s face means that you are deep
in thought and not following their conversation. Note that, a nod does not
only signify agreement with what the other person is talking about; it
signifies presence in the conversation.
Listen and Be Attentive to Learn What You Should Say
You generally appear to come up short on things to discuss in under a
moment! You can never consider what to state straightaway! Try not to
Think—Tune in for "Watchwords"! Realize what to state next by listening
cautiously for watchwords, actualities, suppositions, sentiments, and the vast
majority of all, free information. Try not to consider what you are going to
state straight away, on the grounds that while you are thinking, you're not
tuning in! Most bashful individuals are generally so engrossed with—"God
help us, it will be my go-to talk soon, and I won't comprehend what to
state!"— To the point, they don't hear what the other individual is stating.
The answer to this issue is to utilize undivided attention abilities while the
other individual is talking. This requires utilizing great non-verbal
communication, particularly eye to eye connection, grinning, and gesturing
accordingly. Undivided attention urges individuals to keep talking, and it
shows that your consideration is centered on the discussion you are having.
There is typically enough time for your psyche to meander while you are
being addressed, and numerous individuals talk gradually and with extensive
stops between considerations. The outcome is that your psyche may meander.
You can lose your fixation and even the principal thought of the discussion.

Ask Significant Follow-up Inquiries

Asking important follow-up inquiries is dependent on what the other
individual has said and shows you are tuning in. close-ended inquiries help to
explain certainties and subtleties. Open-ended inquiries urge the speaker to
expand and propose that you are keen on the theme.

Use Models
Request and consider models that help or question what is being said. On the
off chance that you don't know what the other individual is stating, or you
don't comprehend what she is talking about, ask for a guide to make the point
unmistakable for you.
Envision
A decent audience is effectively engaged with the discussion, and can
regularly foresee what the speaker is going to state straightaway. This
inclusion shows concern and intrigue, and will ordinarily strengthen
certainties and subtleties. In the event that you foresee the speaker accurately,
at that point, you realize you are presumably on a similar wavelength. On the
off chance that your expectations were not right, this can be an admonition
signal that you and your accomplice are not on the same page, and that you
may be having a misconception. Don't complete the other individual's
sentences. In addition to the fact that it is impolite, it shows you're not tuning
in.

Conclude
It isn't unprecedented for individuals you are conversing with to stray from
the fundamental point. At the point when you are tuning in, it is useful to
remember the fundamental subject, and every now and then, point out a
summary of what the other individual has said. You can say something like:
"It sounds to me like you are stating. . . Am I right?" This centers your
listening abilities and causes you to recall significant subtleties and the
principal thoughts of the discussion. At the point when you comprehend the
speaker’s primary concern, rehash it. For instance, you can make such a
comment, "I have been following our conversation keenly, it means that you
think this or that will happen?”

Be Effectively Involved
Discussions are progressively fun when you get effectively involved. By
taking an interest, you'll improve your listening aptitudes and maintenance of
subtleties and primary thoughts. Besides, the other individual will feel
progressively good since you're demonstrating enthusiasm for what he has
been discussing. Make certain to connect the new data with your earlier
learning and experience. Ask yourself: "How does what the speaker just said
relate with my comprehension and experience of the subject matter?"
Consolidating your earlier learning and new information will give you
enough new questions and remarks to effortlessly proceed with the
discussion.

Note the Iceberg Articulations

An iceberg articulation is a remark or a bit of free information where 90
percent of the information is not revealed until the other person asks for it.
Iceberg information, for the most part, comes as a couple of words that go
with answers to ceremonial inquiries. These statements offer a hint to the
listener about what the speaker may want to talk about if you portray interest.
When you hear an iceberg articulation like, "You will never accept what so
and so did to me ..." or "Think about what I've been doing," rapidly ask a
related follow-up inquiry or say "What did they do?" or "You don't say, tell
me how it was?" Other follow-up open-ended inquiries are, "What makes you
say that?" "In what ways?" and "In what manner or capacity?" To engage in
an ongoing discussion, you should be within a close range where you can
hear what the conversation is about. Move near the individuals talking and
show enthusiasm for what is being said. Use a lot of eye to eye connection,
gesturing, and grinning to send the sign to the speaker that you need to hear
more. Frequently, when a speaker sees you are keen on what he is stating, he
will start to incorporate you as an audience. When there is a respite or the
speaker says something you can react to, at that point, contribute your remark
or question into the discussion. On the off chance that you utilize simple to-
address information questions, the appropriate responses will be coordinated
to you explicitly, something like, "What did you do at that point?" or "How
did you arrive at that conclusion? “or "That is a really great encounter, what
else happened?" You might be stating to yourself this is an interruption into a
private discussion. In the event that you have tuned in and deliberately
watched the individuals, you will rapidly have the option to decide whether
they are open to having the conversation. Much of the time, particularly at
systems administration works, the speaker is looking for others to collaborate
with, and another individual who shows enthusiasm for partaking is typically
welcome.
Be mindful so as not to argue for the sake of arguing—that is, to take a
resistance position for contention. This typically prompts a strained and
focused discussion, with a victor and a failure. You won't be viewed as an
ideal invite to a discussion with a gathering of outsiders on the off chance
that you make them look moronic or humiliated before their companions or
associates.
Great listening requires attention and engagement. Undivided attention
aptitudes should be polished and will help your conversational capacities
monstrously. They will energize those you talk with to expand further and to
feel increasingly good in opening up to you. At the point when you share an
individual's energy for a theme by listening near what he says, you are giving
him a "green light" to proceed. Undivided attention shows your advantage
and interest in an individual by sending this message: "I'm keen on what you
are stating, continue talking, I need to hear more!"

Ask Simple to-Respond to Inquiries

Ceremonial inquiries are anything but difficult to answer demands for
additional information. Albeit essential demands for individual foundation or
general data, they additionally pass on this message: "I'm keen on becoming
more acquainted with you." Ceremonial inquiries can be utilized to break the
ice with somebody you don't have the foggiest idea and wish to address. The
most straightforward approach to begin a discussion with an outsider is to
utilize one of the three after openings. In the first place, see something
fascinating around the individual you wish to talk with and, in an inviting and
earnest way, offer a compliment. Rapidly pursue the compliment with a
custom inquiry that is straightforwardly identified with the compliment you
just gave. The first line may be: "I like your ring, it is lovely! What type of
stone is that? “Or "State, you're an awesome skater! How could you figure
out how to do each of those stunts?" Another great method to break the ice is
to look for something that the individual is conveying, possibly a book they
are reading, a melodic instrument, or a bit of sporting gear. In the wake of
setting up eye to eye connection and grinning, pose a custom question
dependent on the item. For instance, on the off chance that you see somebody
conveying a tennis racket, you could state something like: "I see you have a
racket like the one I'm keen on purchasing. How would you like it?" or "I see
you're a tennis player. I need to begin playing. Would you be able to suggest
a decent racket for a learner?" On the off chance that you see somebody
perusing or turning over a book, you can ask how he loves it. On the off
chance that an individual has a melodic instrument, you can solicit him what
kind of music he plays, where he plays or studies, to what extent he has been
playing, or how you may get included. On the off chance that you see
somebody taking photos, you could get some information about the sort of
camera he has or whether he is an expert or beginner photographer. These
questions can be applied to practically any object an individual is conveying.
It is a sheltered and benevolent method for demonstrating to somebody that
you've seen them while breaking the ice and beginning a discussion
simultaneously. A third method to break the ice and start a discussion is to
make a remark or pose an inquiry dependent on the circumstance. This can be
a solicitation for data like: "Say, pardon me, I'm searching for a condo in the
area. Do you happen to know about any spots that may be for lease?" Another
normal inquiry may be: "I'm searching for a decent spot to eat close by.
Would you be able to suggest a café in the area?" On the off chance that you
see somebody who seems as though she needs some help, at that point,
offering to help is an amazing method to begin a discussion. You may state:
"You look somewhat lost. Is it accurate to say that you are searching for
somewhere specifically? I live in the area. Perhaps I can be of help to you."
Notwithstanding, requesting or offering help, another approach to begin a
discussion is to make remarks dependent on what you to view. It is ideal for
concentrating on the positive things you see instead of grumbling about the
negative. Along these lines, you can give others access to transit you to see
the world and not get trapped in a discussion of "Isn’t it a disgrace!" In the
event where you remain in a motion picture, you can remark on different
movies, or the latest book you've perused on the off chance that you are
perusing in a book shop. A straight-forward remark you can make is: "I've
seen you here previously. Do you live or work around here?" Ceremonial
inquiries are useful for breaking the ice and beginning a discussion. By
searching for what individuals are associated with, you can without much of a
stretch highlight on a subject important to the other individual. Keep in mind,
notwithstanding getting some answers concerning the other individual. You
are sending this sign: "You appear to be fascinating to me, and I'd like to
become more acquainted with you!"

Attempt to take a seat close to the individual dining alone, and when she
looks toward you, look, gesture, and grin. In the event that she grins back,
you can say, "Hi. I've seen that you eat here a ton, as well. What's for supper
this evening?" Recollect that you are simply indicating interest and checking
whether she seems open for contact. If her reaction is agreeable, you may
state, "I truly like their sandwiches here. However, today, I feel like
something other than what's expected. What do you typically have?" The
objective here is starting a conversation from your different seats and see
where it leads. In the event that it appears as though she needs to keep on
talking, you can say, "In case you're not sitting tight for somebody, would
you mind joining me?" or "Do you mind if I sit with you?" Most individuals
who prefer to dine alone every now and again may acknowledge your
greeting warmly on the off chance that you approach them in an inviting and
low-compelled manner. "You can likewise offer to purchase an individual a
beverage to show you are keen on talking with her. Simply recollect that your
offer is just a benevolent motion and doesn't really imply that you are getting
her supper or that she owes you anything consequently. In the event where
your offer is rejected, do not get angry or upset; it could be that the person
enjoys solo company, or they just do not accept offers from strangers. Simply
grin and state, "No issue, make the most of your dinner."

The Ideal Time to Present Yourself

Exchanging custom information likewise enables you to get ready to acquaint
yourself with the other individuals. For the most part, the more you hold on
to make a presentation, the more awkward individuals get, so the sooner you
step up to the plate, the better. When there is an interruption in discussion,
this is a decent time to state, "Coincidentally, my name is... What's yours?"
The other individual will very likely react in kind. Offer a handshake and a
benevolent grin, and state; "Pleasant to meet you." At that point, pose an
inquiry or make a remark about what the other individual has let you know,
and your discussion will be off and running.

Closed and Open Ritual Inquiries

You may end up posing to custom inquiry after custom inquiry, and just
finding a couple of word solutions. This is most likely in light of the fact that
you are posing "close-ended" ceremonial inquiries rather than "open-ended"
ceremonial inquiries. Close-ended ceremonial inquiries normally require just
a yes or a no, or only a couple of words answer. They are "angling questions"
since you're searching for a "nibble." Close-ended inquiries are helpful for
breaking the ice and discovering some fundamental realities, yet they are
progressively viable when pursued with an open-ended inquiry. Open-ended
ceremonial inquiries normally require an increasingly itemized answer, and
they urge the other individual to talk. Furthermore, they give a chance to
uncover actualities, assessments, emotions, and most significant, a lot of free
information. Close-ended inquiries regularly start with words like: Are? Do?
Who? Where? Furthermore, Which? Open-ended ceremonial inquiries
regularly start with How?
Make sure to pursue close-ended inquiries with open-ended inquiries. Along
these lines, you can angle for themes of intrigue and afterward look for
additional data by asking open-ended inquiries. Make your inquiries simple
and clear. The vast majority are undeniably progressively open to noting
expected, simple to-answer questions when they initially meet an individual,
as opposed to troublesome or confused inquiries that put them on the spot. A
few people feel that they may insult the other individual in the event that they
pose ceremonial inquiries. They state they would prefer not to be excessively
close to home or pry. By and large, the inverse is valid. Many people feel
complimented when somebody sees them in a well-disposed manner and
shows a certified intrigue. This normally urges the individual to talk. It is
additionally significant that you be eager to respond to ceremonial inquiries.
Responding to a close-ended inquiry with something other than a couple of
word answer shows that you are eager to talk. Your all-encompassing answer
additionally offers the other individual more data to approach you about or an
open door for that person to share a related encounter. For instance, suppose
somebody you've recently met asks you a close-ended question like, "Where
are you from?" You can reply, "I spent my entire childhood in ..., yet, as an
adult, I've been living in . . . furthermore, filling in as a... I have lived in… for
five years."
 CHAPTER 2: HOW TO
GAIN TRUST

Trust is a definition of having to believe in something or someone. This

means that you have confidence in them. People find it hard to trust others,
and therefore if you want someone to trust, you should be believable and
keep up the expectations that other people need from you.
 HOW TO GAIN TRUST
There are several ways in which you can be able to gain trust from someone
else.

Keep Your Word

Whatever you say and promise to someone should be taken seriously though
at times we put it across just as a joke you do not know how the other person
too it. It is, therefore, good to keep our promises to others as this makes them
have confidence in you. Living as per your own words builds your character
and other people’s perspective of you.

Deliver Expectations
You should teach yourself to deliver responsibilities given to you and keep
up to their expectations. Delivering these responsibilities on time and as we
are expected to deliver creates and builds someone's confidence in you.
Delivering as expected, deepens our integrity.

Follow Instructions
In the life we are living in, we all depend on one another, and nobody can
live their life alone without depending on other people, and therefore, it is
good that we learn to follow other people's instructions as we would want
them to follow our own given instructions. Not following instructions given
to you drains your energy and lowers the confidence that a person had
towards you. Following instructions increases the speed of trust and
confidence. Let other people know that they can count on you whenever they
are feeling down or do not know what to do in challenging situations. This
will help them improve and build their trust more in you. They will
understand that wherever you are, nothing can go wrong.
Trust Yourself
You do not expect someone else to love to believe in you, whereas you do
not believe in yourself. Trusting yourself is the key foundation for making
others into believing you. This is seen when you are the true purpose, and
your actions match your words. Have faith in yourself, your actions, and in
everything that you do. However, some people over trust themselves and see
themselves superior to others. They are overconfident which is not healthy
even to the people around them. When trying to build trust in yourself, also
be careful not to over trust yourself so much that you do not even listen to
what other people tell you.

Trusting Yourself Helps in Empowering Your Soul

Trust is a necessity for all people, and all generations and everyone has trust
issues and challenges. Trust tends to leave once we are faced with challenges
and problems that maybe we find hard in solving. Learning to trust yourself
and others in whatever place you are; for example, the workplace enhances
the working spirit since you know that you all got each other's back. This
kind of trust in the workplace increases productivity there, and there are
almost zero petty issues. It is good to step into the light and tell yourself that
you can make it even when you feel it’s hard to do so.
All through my childhood, I had not traveled out of our small village in West
Virginia. I never knew what was going on out there and how much the world
had evolved. Our community was small and had its traditions. Traditions that
were to be followed by each member of that community. We seemed to live
comfortably, and each child that was born into that community was raised
and trained to fit and live three comfortably. We did not get much
information on the other parts of the country since we were not that
developed technology-wise. We were dependent on some farmers who would
take their farm products out to the city to gee and sell. They would come with
information and newspapers which we read. Although the community was
not as much developed, we at least had a school and a small health center that
run out of drugs at most. In school, we had four teachers, and they all tried
their best to ensure that we had the best education. In this school is where we
would make friends and get to socialize with other people. Getting a friend
here was a hard task since all the children knew that it is wrong to become
friends unless both of you are formally introduced to each other by your
parents. This was a strict rule that had been made by our ancestors because
they did not want a lot of disrespect and bad influences on their children.
After completion of school, I stayed at home for such a long time looking for
money that could take me to the city where I would probably look for a job
and start a life of my own. My parents had been against this idea the whole
time, and they wanted me to stay back at home and farm. This did not go well
with me because I felt the need to explore greater heights, find myself a new
life, and also new friends.
As soon as I had saved enough money from my farm produce, I ran away
from home at night while my parents were asleep and headed for the bus
station. I boarded a bus that would take me to Los Angeles, where I had heard
rumors that there were plenty of jobs there since a lot of people lived there.at
the back of my mind, I had no place to live, and I was hopeful that with the
small money I had, I could be able to pick up a room and spend the night.
Upon reaching Los Angeles, I was astonished and shocked since they were a
lot of beautiful things and tall buildings that I had never seen before. I was
confused about where to start or where to go to this huge city, which I did not
know anybody. I walked around for a few hours, and when I couldn’t trace
the bus stop and seemed like I was going in circles, I gathered courage and
walked into one busy hotel where I asked if I could get somewhere to sleep
for the night. The lady at the counter was caring enough and showed me a
room upstairs after paying a one week’s stay in the hotel. In that small room
that only had a bed and a bathroom, I laid thinking of my future and how it
would be. I thought of how my parents were feeling, and I couldn’t help it but
feel sad for them. The following morning, I woke up early and again started
the journey in search of a job with only my educational papers. I had no
phone and was not connected to the internet. I did not even know what the
internet was. I had nobody in this town who could help. After a lot of walking
and thinking, I went back into the hotel and tried befriending the lady who
had helped me book a room the day before. She would ask me questions that
I couldn't even answer and she later on fathomed that I was just fresh and
new from the countryside. Making friends here was quite tough since most of
them used phones to communicate and send messages instead of using letters.
The lady at the counter offered me a cleaning job to help me familiarize
myself well with the city. With my one week's salary, I bought a small phone.
I was very hardworking, and therefore it was very easy for Mary (the lady at
the counter) to trust me and trust that I was able to perform the job they had
given me properly. She had become a close friend, and I was learning a lot
form her. My hard work had won her over, and I did not struggle much to
look for my first friends. I noticed that she was always on her phone, and one
day, I asked her about the phone issue. She was kind enough to show me how
people look for friends on the phone and how you can use your phone to
contact and message other people. I learned how to use social platforms like
Facebook and emails to pass my message. At Facebook, it was a lot easier to
look for friends and have a long chat with them even though you do not know
them. Since they were many, I had to figure out a way in which I could get
true and real friends around me and whom I could easily trust. I took the first
step and believed in myself that I would go through any challenges in this
new town. I could see how my colleagues at work would relate to each other
and had each other's backs. Before joining the circle of friends, I had to win
their trust and confidence. My hard work had gotten to win Mary's trust in
me. This, however, was not enough as I had to look for other means of
gaining their trust. I was dedicated to fully deliver what they wanted on time,
and I was keen on following instructions that were being passed to me. I
made them see that they would count on me for anything. I was later
promoted, and I was put in charge of supervising other cleaners and made
sure they did their job well. This was a big shot for me to be able to gain trust
from other workers. I was very open and free with them and was ready to
accept my mistakes. With the growing technology, I noticed that some
workers would take too much time on the phone, and I, therefore, looked for
ways in which I would get them back on track. I talked to them, persuaded
them, and showed them how good it is to respect working hours. I gave credit
where it was due and made them feel appreciated and acknowledged. I was
free with them, and they could easily come to me for advice and complains.

Being Friendly
Being friendly makes you always happy when meeting new people and they
also appear to be friendly. These people can start a conversation anywhere
even with people they do not know, for example, Jane is a very friendly and
cheerful girl, she boards the bus every morning while going to school, she
easily makes friends every morning since she is very talkative and loves to
help people out whenever they seem stuck. Being friendly makes you enjoy
talking to them, and by this, you make them feel comfortable around you.
You make people free, appreciated, and accepted whenever they are around
you. However, some people do not know how to pull this off and do not
know how to make friends. Like most things that are a part of human
behavior, being able to make friends easily also needs to be learned, although
most of the people who are friends were born that way. It might come as an
inheritance or passed from generation to generation in one family, while for
others, they have to learn the skill of making friends. There are several ways
that science has discovered that can help people learn this art.

Being Approachable
A lot of people, while looking forward to making friends look for people who
look easily approachable. This has its skills as well since you cannot just
approach anyone.

1. Smile
People who tend to smile more daily tend to have and make a lot of
friends easily. Although smiling is highly advised, you do not have to
keep smiling the whole day or smile at everybody you meet, but
scientists say we should make a point of smiling at least 30 percent
more daily. This makes you look like an approachable person. You can
smile while, for example, in between a conversation with somebody,
smile when you are on your day to day events, this makes you learn to
do it more perfectly and naturally.

2. Have open body language

Making people see that you are easily approachable depends on how
you carry your body language and how promptly you do it. Mastering
body language tactics also help you feel comfortable when you are
around people. Having good body language includes keeping your legs
together, leaning forward to other people, having the right posture,
among others.

3. Avoid distractions
A lot of people are not able to control how they are easily distracted by
the area around them. Most people like using their phones when
 talking to other people, mostly when they do now want to talk to the
person. This act is rude and will make that person to never want to start
a conversation with you again. While in an ongoing conversation, it is
good that you look ahead smile and pay close attention to the person
you are talking to. This will make people see you as a friendly person,
and they will always be excited to start a conversation with you.

4. Making eye contact

It is very good and respectful that you look at a person who is talking
to you even if they are just greeting you as they pass by. This makes
people think that they are worth your time even if you won’t make
proper eye contact; just making it look like you are looking at them
will make them more comfortable with you. It is good that you look
and greet people when you meet them along the way. This will make
them like you and see you as a very approachable person.

5. Laugh easily
This is another trait that is found in friendly people. Scientists have
explained that you should laugh at least 20 percent in your
conversation. More of that may seem like you are laughing at
everything which may seem provocative to people. The laughing bit
has also been said to boost confidence and make one stronger. It also
helps you digest and looks for answers when you do not get the
question well. Laughing makes your talk have a positive vibe, and the
people around you can see how friendly you are. The person you are
also conversing with is happy conversing with you.

Master Friendly Conversations

1. Master the art of little talk.

Creating time to have small talks even when you feel like not talking to
anyone helps a lot in making you become a friendlier person. Some
people find this hard because they are shy and do not know where to
start. In such a case, it is good that you find someone that you feel
comfortable with and explain yourself to them and help them
understand you better. With time you will feel more comfortable, and
you will be able to kick start conversations on your own. All
conversations start with small talks with the time you become
comfortable with each other and can easily have long conversations.
An act of simply checking out on someone and saying “hi” will also
make them feel comfortable whenever they are around you. Making
small compliments about someone’s dressing, jewelry makes you feel
great. Starting over conversations throughout the day will make your
day seem to go faster.

2. Ask questions about them

Asking questions to others about themselves will make you see a
friendly person. They have the perspective that you care about them,
and that is why you want to know more about them. While at this, you
should be careful not to ask too personal questions that will make them
feel uncomfortable. It is good to start with one topic first and then
move on from there once you have grown comfortable with each other.
You may ask questions like what they like doing in their free time,
what kind of pets they have, favorite foods and drinks, and so on.

3. Complement others
Making an honest compliment about others and at just the right time
tends to make people think that you are friendly with them, which
makes them feel nice. You can complement their look, outfit, or
jewelry. You can also complement the work that has been done by
someone.

4. Use people’s names

Using someone’s name while you are conversing is a very effective
trick to make people like you. Mentioning people's names makes them
see that they are acknowledged, especially when you are meeting them
for the first time. However, you have to be careful not to overuse the
names, which will make them feel uncomfortable and wonder why you
are using their name like that.

5. Focus on positive topics

 When engaging in a conversation, make sure to engage yourself in
positive topics that everybody will be comfortable discussing. Discuss
your strengths and things that make you happy and motivated. Avoid
pretending to be something you’re not and controversial topics such as
tribalism. It is good to create a positive picture to others, but make sure
not to overdo it so much that the people you are conversing with will
feel left out and think that the topic only revolves around you. Making
friends is an easy art that requires time and dedication to learn.

Engaging with Empathy

The ability to understand other people's feelings and how their behavior
changes concerning their behavior is known as empathy. Some people do not
notice that they are empathetic, while others know that they have empathy in
them. Empathy can come naturally or can be trained as a skill. There are
different ways in which you can show empathy to your friends to gain their
trust.

Focusing on Your Friend

Showing that you are focused and listening to your partner will make them
feel that they can count on you. Whenever your friend is down or feeling
discouraged and wants to talk to you, listen to them carefully and show them
that you truly feel what they are going through. An empathetic friend listens
to their friend’s problems keenly, avoiding any sorts of distractions that come
their way. It is good that you make eye contact with your friends while
talking to them and avoid thinking about what advice you are going to tell
them. Simply listen to them and show them that you are listening and
engaged in what they are saying. It is, however, good to note that some
people do not want to talk about their issues openly and would rather keep
quiet about them. At this point, you should not pressurize them into talking
about their issues if they do not want to. Do not judge your friends in
whatever situation they are in. it is good that you do not judge them or make
them feel judged at any one point. This will only make them feel worse than
they are already feeling at that time. They told you because they trust you and
trust that you won’t judge their actions or words. Look at all other means to
help her apart from judging them and making them feel bad about
themselves. Take time to think about what your friend has told you and put
yourself in their position. This will help you show true concern to them since
you have already felt and understood the pain they are feeling. Make them
feel you are concerned about asking them to follow up questions about their
situations, but make sure not to ask questions that may seem judgmental.
Show them that you are sorry about their current situation and that everything
is going to be fine with time. Offer them assistance on everything you can
and show them that you are there for them whenever they need you. Do
follow-ups on their situation and make sure that they are alright and that they
have been cleared off the situation that they had been through. This person
trusted you with their secret, and it is therefore good and empathetic to keep
their secret and do not share it with other people who will judge the person
and even make them feel bad.

Cultivating Empathy
The first step into cultivating empathy is showing that curiosity towards
others. Trying to know what might be the problem with that person. Taking
note of other people’s behavior and emotional states and actions will help the
person trust you and want to open up about their behavior and emotional
states. Always take time to think about other people’s lives and what they do
with their lives. Always make a point of thinking about how other people,
especially your friends, live their lives. Taking notes on what other people
want and their needs also will help them build their trust in you. You will be
able to note whenever there is a slight change in their behavior or when they
need something. Being empathetic to your friends involves you being able to
note when they are in a problem. Putting yourself in that person’s situation
and trying to figure out what they would require at that moment will help
them become more confident in you. Whenever the person is passing through
a hard and rough time and has decided to come to you for advice, always
make sure that speak them in an empathetic tone and manner. You may
something to be empathetic, but how you say it will not show empathy and
the person may end up taking it badly since the intended feeling did not show
at all. Empathetic people tend to be patient with both themselves and their
friends. Therefore, practicing patience can go a long way in making sure that
you can earn yourself a larger circle of friends who you can easily trust.
Being patient also gives you the special gift of liking people you don't like,
and you can be patient to them also.
It is also good to know that you can take empathy a step further and like the
people you do not like. Practicing this art is usually hard for some people
who believe that there is no point in having to relate with your enemies.
However, these enemies can help you out of a situation, and it is, therefore,
advisable that you get to know how to be empathetic even to your enemies so
that you can build up trust in them. They will be able to gain confidence in
you as time goes by, and as they realize that you are not entirely bad and can
help in times of need. Beware of how you think when you are around your
enemies. It is normal to feel angry when you are around somebody that
wronged you or someone that you do not like, and that is why it is advised
that you try and get a grip of yourself whenever you are around them. Take
time to breathe in and out whenever you feel this kind of sensations and let
humanity and empathy in your kick in. while at this, keep on working more
to gain a stronger sense of empathy. Whenever you feel like you do not like
somebody tries as much to focus on the things that you have in common and
also the things that would bring you closer to one another. If you find similar
characteristics like, for example, both of you like going out for coffee; you
might want to invite them over for a cup of coffee. It might sound weird and
uncomfortable at first, but as you go over this process over and over again,
you might actually come to love and like their presence, and eventually, you
become friends. If you might feel this difficult, you can include your friends
over to the coffee date so that you all feel comfortable around one another.
Having this virtue towards your enemies will also help you gain their trust
and confidence, and they know that they can easily rely on you.

Access Affinity
This is achieved when you feel that you have similarities between you and
the other person. Meeting and talking with someone that you have never seen
before and have only talked on social media platforms can help you gain
affinity. With affinity, everyone has the right to choose whatever they feel is
okay and who they feel have the most common things. In this digital era, we
can be able to agree or disagree with somebody else’s information on
something, thereby creating a sense of belonging which can easily lead to
friendship. There are several trends to the affinity that have come up in this
digital era of YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, and many more. You can have a
lot of friends on Facebook that you may think are meaningful, but by just
hitting the like button, you do not qualify to have gotten the person to trust in
you. You have to dig deeper and lay the foundation of that relationship. You
have to make that person like you and feel comfortable towards you. While
looking for friends, you should be able to tell what you are looking for and
what traits you want in them since not all people have the same characters
and perceptions. In this day and era, you can know when someone likes you
so easily such that you do not have to struggle a lot in finding people who
you can call your friends. For example, Joel is a YouTube blogger, and he is
looking forward to finding real and true friends with whom they can help
each other out. He notices a female who is always commenting and liking
each video that he posts. The lady had subscribed to his channel immediately.
He started blogging, and she was kind enough to encourage him through the
journey. He once uploaded a video where he said he requires encouragement
because he felt o left out and so much discouraged because things had not
been working out for him. This lady wrote a very encouraging comment and
took it further to his inbox, where she introduced herself and requested a
friendship. They worked on this friendship, and they were comfortable with
each other. This friendship that only started with a like and comment grew
into a relationship and then marriage. Joel had been able to find affinity in
this girl and was ready to take their friendship a notch higher. Through social
media, for example, Facebook, people can openly air their views and
opinions, and these opinions tend to be wholehearted, and when one gives a
positive comment, they truly are positive, but if one gives a negative
comment, they are also truthful and know the reason why they are negative
about it. However, since the platforms have created room for dialogues' a
positive comment can turn into a negative one after much debate on the same
and vice versa is true. Through social media, you can influence a large
number of people into being your friends. This is a positive step into affinity,
but while at this, you must also learn how to conjoin affinity with empathy
and also be able to see where the other parties are coming from. In this era,
you have to offer what the other person wants which will keep them going
and are now able to gain trust and confidence in you.

Throwdown a Challenge
This is a good way of trying to win friends in this digital world. A lot of
people like when challenges are being passed on to them. For example, in
your quest to try and find friends, you can walk up to your school football
team and ask them about having a challenge with your football team. If the
other team accepts this challenge, it now becomes easier for you to create a
foundation for your friendship. After the game, you can invite them for a cup
of tea and continue chatting more. This is where you start realizing the kind
of friends they are and whom you can trust and who you cannot. You can
also look for a more exciting challenge, or you can let your friends decide
what challenge they want to do. People nowadays come up with short clips of
doing something and upload it on social media for example while dancing,
and since they know that the video is going to be viewed by a lot of people,
they call it a challenge and challenge others who can do that particular dance
without missing a step. A lot of people will take up the challenge and upload
theirs as well. This will create a big circle of the challenge. The original
uploaders of the video can offer to gift the group or person that will have the
best challenge. While gifting the winner, a friendship foundation is built. You
all become friends. However, it is good to note that not all people are in for
the challenge, and some people do not like being challenged, so while you are
challenging another person take note of what makes them happy or what
makes them angry. For example, you cannot come up with a challenge for
mountain climbing, whereas the person you are challenging has a fear of
heights, other people do not like football and may therefore not like it if you
keep on insisting the football challenge to them. Have a background check on
what that person loves doing and challenge them to it. You might as well
promise gifts to the person who wins the challenge. This will be fun since
you are all doing things that you love doing, and you will compete, knowing
that you are working towards something. The more challenges you have, the
more fun and friends you will have. You can open up to one another.
In conclusion, it has been quite easy in this digital era to find and meet new
friends. Social media platforms have come in handy to help one in knowing
what characteristics the other person has. You will, therefore, be able to
choose the person you feel has the characteristics you want and a person with
who you will be comfortable. Having people to trust you and have confidence
in you can prove to be a lot of work, but it all bears fruits in the end.
 CHAPTER 3: HOW TO
MAINTAIN TRUST

Own Your Mistakes

Every human being is prone to making mistakes small, big, embarrassing, or
routine. But unfortunately, in this digital era, everyone wants to be picture
perfect. People will pose like saints and act as though they are immune to
some of the issues that other human beings are struggling with, forgetting that
perfect is not achievable because it is just an illusion. The first step to admit a
mistake derives from the point of knowledge that people are not perfect, and
everyone eras at some point always, and it is a part of life.
One of the things people in this age and time who are trying too hard to
appear perfect do not understand is that nothing is as beautiful as reality.
People love to be associated with real human beings. Ironically speaking is
that even the ‘perfect’ still wants to be associated with people who are real.
Misery has warmth, and we can’t be the only ones struggling with mistakes.
If we get someone who embraces us and gives us the assurance that it is okay
and we all are prone to mistake, we feel we have somebody who understands
us, and it is easy for us to build connections with them.
We all have felt judged by others at some point in life. Do we remember how
it felt? It feels lonely; you feel like what you have done has stopped all
humanity. In short, it was not an exciting feeling. People get to the point of
judging others because they have gotten to the point of self-righteousness.
They feel they are too smart with mistakes that they wouldn’t indulge in
similar mistakes. Most defiantly, we all wouldn’t want to be associated with
people who will constantly judge us over our mistakes. If we want to win
trust with people and even build solid relationships with them, we should be
ready to comfort and stand with them whenever a mistake occurs. We should
be willing to correct them with love and grace.
If we find ourselves in a mistake, let’s not run away from them. We have
agreed by now that everyone can make the same mistake you made or even
worse. We should always be ready to agree that we erred and ask for
forgiveness where necessary. People feel respected if you apologize to them
after doing something that offended them, and they are most likely going to
accord you the same respect and forgiveness. This puts you in a better place
as far as maintaining trust with people is concerned. They feel you respect
them over your ego and being right and therefore are able to trust you even
more.
There are people who want to be smart with their mistake. Maybe due to the
illusion of perfection or just pride, they are tempted to spin their mistake and
make it ‘lighter’ than it actually is. Spinning a mistake is a real turn off for
most people. It portrays you as an arrogant person who cannot humble
themselves and admit they are only human and seek forgiveness. The
offended people also feel that you are ignorant of the effects your mistake
caused them. This is a character that will chase many away from you because
nobody wants to relate with an arrogant person. We should be mature enough
to admit the mistake as it is with its magnitude and effects on other people.
Just like trying to spin your mistakes, passing blames and burdens are equally
not the way to go. Only a person with an inferiority complex would want to
pass blames on their mistakes from one person to the next or even attach it to
something either external or internal. An example I the religious folks who
will get involved in very embarrassing or mistakes with magnitude, and
instead of owning up and seeking forgiveness from the concerned party, they
would want to blame it on the devil or the will of God. This can be equated to
pride because you clearly do not want to own up what you did and go through
the necessary consequences but want to dodge the mistake and appear good
that if it were not for this and that I would not have found myself in this
mistake. This character is really annoying and totally uncalled for.

Making mistakes is human, and admitting and owning up is heroic. Can you
remember the last time someone wronged you, and they owned up the
mistake and asked to be pardoned? What was your reaction? Did you cold
them, or did you keep calm and listened to them? This is exactly what every
human being need. They deserve to be respected together with their space,
and if, in any way, you found them having stepped on their toe knowingly or
unknowingly, let humility forego your ego.
Owning up mistakes build up a strong character in somebody, and you get to
earn and command respect wherever you go and from everyone who interacts
with you. If we run away from mistakes, we will eventually feel inferior and
unworthy inside of us, which can go a long way in affecting our esteem,
which will defiantly affect how we relate with other people. Always have the
courage to admit when you are wrong and correct it as soon as you realize it
was off. Avoid repeating the same mistake over again because it might not be
received kindly. When you adopt the art of owning mistakes, other people
will own it when they wrong you. This will, in the long run, build and
powerful change in society and in how we relate to other people. Owning
mistakes makes you relieved, and you will never be enslaved to the mistakes.
Courage, honor, humility, truth, and vulnerability are characters that, if
people portrayed, we would all enjoy a good society and great relationship.
Human beings need to feel that someone cares for them and values them
more than their own ego. Admitting our mistakes immediately and
empathetically sends a message to the offended that you know what I still
care about you even though that mess occurred, and I am ready to make
things right with you. We should never forget how deep the messages of
apologies are and how they get to other people when we say them. It is
impossible for someone to hold anything against you or carry
disappointments around when you have apologized to them. It is easy to
forgive someone who comes out clean with the mistake they committed,
seeing that they see us and the situation properly.
A friend once told me a story; she had been married for 4 years to the man of
her dreams that went to the same university as her. They loved each other so
much and had two children. She said to me, “I wouldn’t explain why or how,
but for some reason, I felt my husband was not satisfying me in bed, among
other things that were happening in our marriage.” She ended up chatting
with her ex-boyfriend, and the conversation went from fear greetings to
serious sexing. After a while of chatting, they agreed to meet up, and they
had sex. After the sex, she felt dirty, unsatisfied, and did not even get the
satisfaction she was looking for. She was guilty, and every time she would
think of her husband unveiling the truth of something that happened in
witness of one person who would otherwise not tell it to the husband.
Altogether she felt the fear to admit it to her husband for but the fear that this
would end her marriage with the man of her dreams. The incidence kept
haunting her over and over again.
After 2 years of living with guilt and unforgiveness for herself and feeling
she betrayed her husband, who had never gone to such extremes of hurting
her, she decided to tell him one afternoon after lunch. The man cried so hard,
and of course, this is expected because he is only human, and the feeling of
your spouse cheating on you is not that smooth. He ultimately forgave her
and assured her of his love, no matter what had happened. Why do you think
the husband forgave her? According to him in the words of his wife, she felt
that the wife trusted her and that their relationship was important to her, and
that’s why the guilt ate her up to the level of admitting her mistake, and that’s
why it was easy for him to forgive her.
The woman would have chosen to keep quiet forever, but you see that
mistake had held her hostage. She always thought of how the husband will
find out and divorce her. After she confessed it and took ownership of
everything, she did without necessarily showing the husband it is because of
him that she cheated, she was free, and she is now living a life free of guilt.
 AVOID ARGUMENTS
One thing most people do not understand is that being friendly attracts
people. People want to be around places and people that make them feel
appreciated, supported, and loved. Most people do not enjoy holding
arguments, especially not with strangers. It is always right to find a different
way to deliver your criticism or opinion, which should be accompanied by
grace and good will. Most arguments do not bear fruits; they end up with a
long wasted discussion and time. Arguments are more or less like fights, and
no one wants to be a looser. That means by the end of the argument, the
arguing party does not land into a Conesus but rather feel right about what
they were saying in the argument. Arguments make a very valid point
invalid and meaningless.
Most people spend a lot of time arguing with other people online. You might
be a good debater and great in arguments. You could be winning in every
motion you indulge regardless of the topic or the person you are in an
argument with, but chances are you are more likely to lose friends than make
more. A good example is when someone posts an article or just makes a
mere post on twitter or Facebook, it could be a very sensible post, but people
are too keen to point out a mistake or object with a vague reason just to raise
an argument. It gets to a point that no one or very few people are actually
concerned in finding a common ground on matters so as to at least come up
with a concrete thing that has value; everyone is hell-bent on proving a point.
Most of these arguments people hold are not helpful and will barely even
change their minds.
It is a human need to want to belong. During arguments, most people are only
focused on themselves, their feelings, thoughts, and opinions. Hardly will
people in an argument pay attention or consideration to the other person’s
school of thought. This gets to a point where the person who is strong in
bother argument loses credibility and trust from not only the opponent but
also the other people who are following the conversation if it is on an open
online forum. There are arguments people will hold and fail to capture the
data, details, and information correctly, yet there are people who have all that
or who will be quick to Google and get their facts right. When people
disqualify what you have been saying all along in an argument with facts,
then it becomes difficult for people to trust what you say because you seem
like someone who is either not informed or who is not sure of what they are
saying. It is also annoying to realize that the person who has been arguing
with you all along is not well informed. Assuming you met such a character
online and was the first day of talking to them, don’t you think it will be a
turnoff, and you will be entirely not interested in engaging them?
One rule of any relationship is communication. Communication is not in any
way related to arguments, even in the lowest denomination. It involves
listening to the other person, not with the intention to fight what they are
saying but with every intention to grasp the wisdom and knowledge they
possess on a given topic. The truth is that every human being is equipped
with knowledge, wisdom, and opinions that most likely may differ from our
own, and maturity is accepting that you are not the only person who has
wisdom about issues. Most people are rued by people they would have great
conversations with. Have you been with a group of people, person, or read a
post or blog online and felt nourished, refreshed, or educated? That is the
kind of thing people are hungry for. So, if you are good at communication
and possess quality listening skills, you have great chances of building solid
connections and even maintaining trust within your peers and society at large.
In this digital era, everyone is out there seeking attention, fame, and
publicity. It is unfortunate that most people cannot draw where the line falls
between attention and respect. We have hundreds of thousands of people who
have popularity and have captured a huge following, but very few people or
none respect them. The first step towards winning people's trust is by them
respecting you. We have seen celebrities and people that we would look up to
a society engage in very fishy arguments or fight publicly. Of course, with
the waves in technology and speed by which information spreads today, the
argument will trend, but will the fans of that celebrity still feel the same way
about them? If you are in need of making friends and maintaining trust with
them, try as much to avoid arguing with them. People have self-respect and
will opt you out over their dignity.
Two people can never indulge in a fight if one of them is unwilling to fight.
We should all have a collective responsibility to avoid arguments and fights,
especially online. We should appreciate the gift of interdependence over
independence. This will help us in achieving peace amongst ourselves and
even advance in ways we would never imagine. We should avoid aggressive
arguments and come up with ways to solve problems. This theory has been
made possible by one South American leader Luiz Inácio Lula who was
president in Brazil for 10 years. Luiz came from a very poor background; he
founded and led a labors union in his own country where workers' rights were
unheard of. Luiz witnessed his wife dying in his own hands while she was 8
months pregnant since they could not afford good health care. He then
formed a political party. Finally, when he became president on the promise to
prioritize the level of poverty in Brazil, he also built alliances with Brazil’s
wealthy and vast upper class by focusing on growing the economy.
We can tame arguments with people on a personal level. It may sound cliché,
but “change begins with you.” Therefore, for you to experience the change,
you need to see in your interactions with people. You must be ready to
change first and adopt new ways of dealing with things you disagree with
from other people or rather opinions that contradict with your thinking in a
more noble way. We can choose to appreciate the person with their idea and
make them feel a sense of importance. This motivates them and even boosts
their ego and allows them to be sympathetic and kind. They also will be able
to like you and even trust you because people want to feel they are special,
appreciated, and loved.
There are ways in which we would prevent our disagreements with people to
raise to the extent of argument. These include;
We should welcome the agreement. It could be a point we have not even
thought about before that the other person gave. It is important to appreciate
the other person for giving you such insight. We should look at it as a new
thing we have learned, and we never know where we will apply it or how. It
is not everything that people say behind our knowledge deserves a cold
shoulder; some are the new techniques we need to get to the next level in our
careers, businesses, education, or even family-wise.
As human beings, it is natural for us to react defensive when something we
do not agree to comes up. We should be keen on how we react and tame our
reactions. It is important to take time before reacting to a situation that we
disagree with. It is important to ask yourself questions like why do you
disagree?
We should adopt a good mechanism to deal with our temper. This is because,
most of the time, when we are in bad tempers, the result will only be
negative.
We should be good listeners. It is captious to allow someone to speak with
having to necessarily raise your voice, resisting, interrupt them, or bring
about debates. It not only shows some respect for the other person but
yourself too.
It is always to emphasize the good aspects of anything, and that is not left out
in our conversations with people. We should always be attentive to look for
points and areas where we agree with our opponents and put emphasis on
them. They get to see a side of you that complement them and have things in
common, thus cultivating a relationship as opposed to you arguing all the
time.
When you find yourself in a disagreement with somebody, do not be quick to
engage in an argument, avoid at all expense any negative criticism or
negativity towards them. Take time to rethink about it. You might find out
that it was not much of a big deal or find a perspective of the disagreement
that brings you to agree with them.
 SUPPORT NOBLE MOTIVE
As human beings, we all desire otherworldliness, things which make us feel
good about our existence. The desire to be recognized, valued, and be part of
the activities taking place around us. As a basic norm, people usually like to
associate the good deeds to be complemented and cherished in the
community. However, there are characters that distinguish individuals reach
the extent at which they can be honorable and right to make them relevant.
In most cases, people desire to be like other influential personalities in
society, like politicians and other leaders who have a good reputation to keep.
There is this desire to be the way someone is in a given setting desired by
many. Normally, all these desires are the things that drive one to emulate a
certain behavior, being better than the original person you were in the past.
However, the relational improvement and how we carry out business to
achieve the highest productivity depends on the way we handle them daily,
and all rely on the desire to be like other people. In any activity, you can only
desire to be like the most influential and productive individual who meet the
expectation set. Therefore, taping this noble motive on those you intend to
influence is very important for the best reward due to such actions or kind
gestures extended to others. Influencing people to that mindset can be very
easy than expected by anyone.
In case you intend to deny a given action done by others which do not please
or is not in harmony with your feelings, it is wise to find a noble way to say
no to such. One does not necessarily need to use a harsh tone or abuses to
refute a given action. Remember, your reputation must be protected at all
levels more so if you are in political limelight or in an organizational position
which you need to protect. Get the right message through, and instead of
refusing or refuting the already damaged image. Acknowledge and appreciate
the kind gesture and use that to protect yourself rightfully. You can even
claim that your spouse or parent does not enjoy such publicity, and you
would not mind if it can be pulled down. By doing so, you apply a noble
motive that was not expected by the intruder, and they will accept such offers
without much ado.
Sometimes it may sound ridiculous to stop someone from doing something
you do not like. In such instances, it may be prudent to apply noble motive in
dealing with people so that to avoid hurting their feelings. Instead of
attacking them directly, one should relate and intermarry the relationship that
exists between your feelings and their general view if they were in the same
situation. One will only realize the bad things they are doing to others after
they have been exposed to the likely danger and impact the situation may
prove to them. Placing the facts and the general feelings enable one to
become aware of the situation. All that matters is the nobility of the approach
given to the matter, how it is portrayed in such an honest and sincere manner.
One is allowed to do a noble and right thing by making the impression that
you believe in their actions, and if they can change it a little bit, it can have a
positive influence on others.
Additionally, there are words if used well, and they can move people to great
actions. How we portray the things we say to others does not necessarily have
much impact on us but also the audience. In a social setting, no one likes to
be corrected publicly, but if you can have that an opportune time to correct a
person in a private place by insinuating that they can do better. It will have
much influence than the person who attacked or rebuke them in public.
Naturally, people get irritated when their plans do not go as planned, and we
tend to live in a denial that things are the way they are and end up abusing
others for what has happened. Some situations demand quick response which
may not be positive due to the urgency and surprise which come with it.
Imagine you are waiting for a delivery for an item you have ordered online,
that excitement and expectation to have your gadget ordered delivered at your
doorstep. All this time, you have negotiated the price and agreed on a given
fixed price for the item. Then all of a sudden, a sales representative called
you claiming that they cannot go on with the transaction due to the low
amount you are offering. How will you react to such setbacks? What can you
do to make it right without revoking the company offering such services? To
most people, they will tend to refute the action and complain endlessly about
the occurrence without investigating the cause of the action. On the contrary,
one should focus on the positive side of the event and appreciate the decision
made. Get all the facts right and reflect on the previous agreement and insist
on the reputation image of the company when making such claims in a
humbler way.
All of us are an idealist, and it is good to put such opportunities on others to
present their ideas and resentments, which may interfere with their daily
lives. We all prefer to present our most desired deeds to others, which make
the difference, how those deeds are appreciated may differ, but care should be
taken not to judge. No one likes to be selfish or deceitful, but all those are
done when self-worth not acknowledged by others. Why should we expect to
be noticed, acknowledged, and loved by others if we do not extend such
privileges to others? The nobler motive should be seen in our actions to elicit
interest and actions from others whom we intend to influence.
There is a desire to be fair, useful, and helpful in every setting, and if such
desires are acknowledged well, chances of doing noble things would be
incredible. Ever wonder why some good people usually turn out to be bad in
their deeds, it is not because they are like that or their desire to do bad things.
All are born out of the untapped noble motive instill on them. No one
believes in what they are doing, and all they do does not matter to anyone in
the community. Such feelings make one lose hope in being noble; they rather
do anything which satisfied their needs than do something noble to everyone
around. After all, it does not matter to anyone what they engage in or what
they do has nothing to be worried about in life. However, when treated with
all the respect and their actions regarded as influential to others, they will
tend to change or do the right thing to match the set reputations and
expectations.
Everyone wants to be a hero in one way or the other, and doing the right
thing recognized by others place them a step ahead of others. That passion is
ignited on a person to carry out a given action for the betterment of the
situation. What matters most is how that motive is ignited in a person to take
a positive action that influences others. Besides, it all starts at the mind where
one has to be convinced of the notion to take towards the betterment of the
situation. The greatest question is that, do you ignite such passion on others,
or you are just a complainant who never appreciates anything that comes
your way. Being selfish is the cause of the problems we are having in the
world today, and if everyone could be unselfish, everything could be okay for
every inhabitant.
Most of the companies in the world today target the noble motive of their
consumers. They engage consumers at every level and make it clear that they
can be accountable for the consumer's demand. The main motive of such
companies is to incite cultural change in the organizational setting. Initially,
there existed companies practicing forced labor to produce their products, and
they never care about the well-being or the human right protecting the slaves.
By changing the ethos of the company to fit the consumer's desires and
involvement, which make it productive and reliable to all those who are
involved. When the employees are involved in the decision making, and their
desires and complaints are acted on in time. They feel being valued and
needed in the company, thus increasing their productivity to make the
existing workforce more desirable.
Ultimately, the way the public perceives the brand of a company is much
nobler than the product and service offered. How the company activities
viewed by the general public, are they desirable, loved, and adored by the
public audience? The brand should appeal to people for it to win the general
interest, and in case it is noble to the wellbeing of others, it is likely to fail.
Making a long-lasting impression matters most when it comes to individual
or company success.
 CHAPTER 4: THE ONLY
RULES IN THE DIGITAL
AGE

Show Interest in What Others Like

With regard to learning the fastest method to win friends in the current tech-
savvy society, people always look up to the individual with the most
followers on the different social media platforms or the most dominant
government official on social media. While each can flaunt copious
followership, and keeping in mind that each will probably offer a word of
wisdom, such individuals probably won't be our best examples of how to
influence and win friends in the digital era. Truth be told, our best examples
should not be people, but dogs make the best example. Regardless of whether
we've walked outside our compound for two minutes or went for about
fourteen days, dogs celebrate and respect our arrival as though we were
saints. They never belittle us or shame us or stand us up for dates. They exist
and become our close acquaintances; they circle around us as the focal point
of their reality. Dogs always exude pure joy and happiness when close to
their masters. Hence, they are called man's closest companion, which is as it
should be. Accounts of dog reliability are the stuff of legend. The
extraordinary poet once wrote a poem about his dog and noted that "He had
every one of the excellences of man and none of his indecencies." These are
additionally the narratives of our day. Evidently, dogs know by some
heavenly sense that you can make more companions in minutes by being
truly keen on other individuals than you can in long stretches of attempting to
get other individuals inspired by you. It is in excess of a textured, four-legged
saying. It is an essential standard without which no individual can increase
genuine social footing with another. The extraordinary incongruity of human
relations, particularly when seen through the viewpoint of a dog, is that our
yearning for criticalness in the lives of others ought to be so easy to meet, yet
we confound the issue; our greatest battle is self-centeredness, the single
most noteworthy obstruction to harmony. That we are intrigued
fundamentally in ourselves isn't a marvel as new as Twitter or Facebook. It
originates before Friendster and Myspace. It preceded mobile phones and
email and the Web. During the 1930s, the New York Phone Organization
made a nitty-gritty investigation of phone discussions to discover which word
was the most utilized by people when on phone conversations. The individual
pronoun "I" was utilized multiple times in 500 phone discussions. Our
childishness, or all the more respectfully our personal responsibility,
populates the ethics of the extraordinary tales.
For what reason did Adam and Eve ignore God in the Nursery of Eden? They
were considering just themselves. This personal responsibility isn't something
anybody is probably going to change. It is a gravity-like reality. We are
brought into the world with natural battle or-flight inclinations. In other
words, our collection of words and activities patterns toward self-
conservation. However, we regularly neglect to think about who we are truly
battling against and to what goal we are escaping. On the off chance that we
are not careful, our self-preservation can transform into self-detainment,
keeping us from important communication and at times, cutting us off from
relational advancement out and out. On the off chance that we are not careful,
the goal to which we escape can turn into a forlorn, disengaged isle.

Andrew Sullivan, one of the world's top political bloggers, has thought about
such issues for over 10 years. When the most youthful ever proofreader in
head of the revered New Republic, Sullivan, was declared HIV-positive in
the mid-1990s when it was as yet viewed as a capital punishment. Subsequent
to leaving that post, Sullivan ended up one of the Web's first enormous
political bloggers, with his website hitting in excess of 300,000 extraordinary
guests for every month in 2003. Something that set Sullivan apart from his
friends was a purposeful association with his readership. He needed his blog,
The Everyday Dish, to be about more than governmental issues; he needed
steadfast pursuers, and he really needed to find out about the individuals who
tailed him. He thought of the thought for "View from Your Window," in
which he solicited his pursuers to submit shots from the world outside their
homes. Likewise, with most things on the Web, he had no clue in the event
that it would hit. "I needed to see their universes," he clarified, "I was giving
these individuals the majority of this entrance to mine, yet one-way
connections are eventually exhausting." It was no little signal, and it before
long supported his associations with pursuers. After the gregarious element
was presented, Sullivan's work turned into the focal point for the Atlantic
Month to month's online system, and that website's traffic expanded by 30
percent. It is nothing unexpected that Sullivan's strong blog following
remained when he moved his blog to Newsweek and The Day by day
Monster. Individuals are pulled in to individuals who care about what
interests them.
The incongruity of this standard check out others' inclinations—is that its
adequacy is predicated on others considering themselves. Its adequacy
basically requires others acting naturally intrigued. There are two things to
state about this: To start with, personal responsibility in its most flawless
structure is a piece of human instinct—battle or flight is actuality. This
standard doesn't deny personal responsibility's presence for our entire lives.
Rather it shows that a great many people, on most days, overlook the
opposite side of the human condition; every other person. Most take personal
responsibility to the narcissistic finish of the range. The viability of this
standard is thusly attached straightforwardly to the uncommonness with
which most think outside themselves on generally days. The person who
picks, on the other hand, to check out other's inclinations every day is
separate. We recall such individuals, get to know them, and come to confide
in them all the more profoundly. Impact is eventually an outcropping of trust
—the higher the trust, the more noteworthy the impact. Second, the apex of
this rule isn't a complete discipline. Notice the guideline doesn't peruse,
"Supplant your inclinations with others' inclinations." It rather peruses,
"Check out others' inclinations," and that is the key to its application. At the
point when you fuse others' inclinations into your own—not just for
explaining your market or discovering your crowd—you find that your
advantages are met during the time spent helping other people.
Today there is just no reason not to look into others' inclinations. Regardless
of whether you are not effectively associated with clubs, gatherings, or
nearby associations where face-to-face communications are conceivable,
there is as yet a bounty of chances to find out about others' interests and
concerns. What could occur in the event that you went through five minutes
consistently perusing the Facebook page of three companions, the expert
histories of three customers, or the individual sites of three representatives
you haven't set aside the effort to know well? First of all, you'd
unquestionably get the hang of something about them you didn't know
previously. It's likewise likely you would come to welcome them more.
Maybe you have comparative interests; this is grub for future discussion, in
any event, for future coordinated effort. Maybe one is experiencing a
troublesome time; this is a chance to connect with them with consolation and
a more prominent degree of sympathy. Maybe you have a shared companion;
wouldn't this make your relationship a lot simpler, as trust is as of now settled
in a typical companion and time is as of now put resources into normal
encounters? One can keep in mind the significance of liking.
Most importantly, you should turn out to be really inspired by others before
you can ever anticipate that anybody should be keen on you. Taking
everything into account individuals’ work with individuals they like. All
things not being equivalent, despite everything they do. We like individuals
who like us. So, to be enjoyed, you should show esteem for the things others
do and say. Many have contended that individuals never again have a lot of
enthusiasm for other people. The "me" center rules how we think, act, and
impart. However, you have such a large number of chances to remain
associated, to find out additional information about people, and to show your
advantage. Changing how you spend only a little bit of every day can
drastically change how others see your degree of enthusiasm for them.
Changing your client commitment technique can drastically change how the
commercial center sees your organization. Rather than going through every
day, refining your advanced media, invest energy identifying with your
companions, associates, and customers. Post brief, appreciating notes.
Interface with them and find what issues you may help tackle or what
interests you may help advance; we are altogether determined by torment and
delight, so such prospects exist in each individual. At the point when you are
genuine in your undertakings to associate with others, odds are constantly
higher than important association will happen. Dynamic, commonly helpful
coordinated effort is then conceivable. What's more, today, authentic
association and joint effort can immediately end up irresistible.
 ENGAGE IN MEANINGFUL
DISCUSSIONS THAT
MATTER TO OTHER
PEOPLE
This is an intriguing rule to consider given the soul wherein, by far, most
individuals convey today. Most messages are basically intended to teach
others about our lives or our items, to uncover convincing parts of ourselves,
we figure others would be pulled in to. While this gives off an impression of
being a self-assured procedure, it is really an inactive technique in that it
expects others to interface with us. Like a standard promotion on a site
holding back to be clicked, we offer up computerized advertisements of our
best selves, trusting others will be constrained to lock in. The issue is that is
showcasing monolog, not social discourse. It's presumption, not digestion. At
the point when supposition manages our endeavors to get to know or impact
others, the outcomes end up on an inappropriate side of significant. In 1810,
U.S. General William Henry Harrison, at that point legislative head of the
Indiana Region, was consulting with Tecumseh so as to attempt to anticipate
open threats. He requested a seat to be brought for the Local American boss.
The man who brought it stated, "Your dad, General Harrison, offers you a
seat." "My dad!" Tecumseh shouted. "The sun is my dad, and the earth is my
mom, and on her bosom, I will lie." Overlooking the seat, he spread himself
on the ground. The present greatest foe of enduring impact is the division of
both individual and corporate pondering that worries about the craft of
making impressions without counseling the study of need ascertainment. Not
exclusively is this strategy pretentious. However, it is a poor business tack.
What the world needs is a greater amount of connection building discourse.
This starts when you flip the cutting edge spirits of advertising and web-
based life on their heads and start all communications with a psyche for what
makes a difference to the next individual. This beginning, as we have stated,
with tuning in. When you recognize what makes a difference to others
through an act of longer tuning in, you can then genuinely connect with them
by putting such issues at the bleeding edge of your associations. In case
you're talking business, this procedure is tied in with returning the client to
the client relationship on board.
You are eventually fabricating a network when you start discussions about
what makes a difference to other people. Also, a network is the main thing to
you, regardless of whether you're fabricating a physical business, propelling
another brand, or arranging a significant gathering. Certainly, there is an
underlying association, and you have to make it. Be that as it may, a lot of
showcasing and internet-based life today is just about the association point —
increasing another adherent, indenting another fan, asserting another client.
Regularly overlooked is the long haul plan. Organizations consider it a client
maintenance methodology. However, it is the best idea of an enthusiastic,
important exchange among a network of companions. On the off chance that
the establishment of all long haul achievement is the foundation of trust-
based connections, at that point, the objective of all communications ought to
be to pass on an incentive as soon and as frequently as could be expected
under the circumstances. There are regular obstacles to overcome.
We live in an advanced world, and in the cutting edge world, we set up
dividers. There are firewalls for our PCs, mortar dividers for our bequests,
and wood and wire wall for our homesteads and family yards. At that point,
there is the extraordinary mass of diffuse social cooperation. It can prompt a
degree of impact that exists outside relationship—an impact established on
followership yet not kinship. Open Initiative creator and online life expert
Charlene Li cautions about the risk of such an invigorated computerized
impact. In an ongoing meeting, she noticed the greatest concern, a misguided
feeling that all is well and good. There is a distinction between a companion
and a fan. Fans have a little feeling of duty, littler degrees of intrigue. There
is a continuum of reliability whereby fans remain toward one side and
companions at the other. Impact happens over the continuum, yet it is
increasingly sure and enduring on the companions' end. The most effortless
approach to demonstrate Li's point is to go on the web and attempt to
purchase a Facebook companion. It isn't possible. Organizations in
abundance will sell you Facebook fans, and they can guarantee you of
bunches of Twitter devotees, however, leave it to online networking to
sparkle a brilliant light on the incredible truth that no true friend can be
purchased.
The undertaking is even more noteworthy today since when Mark
Zuckerberg chose to call everybody on Facebook a friend, he settled on a
semantic decision that is effectively misjudged. The human cerebrum—to
avoid anything related to the human heart—can't process several companions.
As indicated by Oxford College educator of transformative humanities Robin
Dunbar, the size of our mind confines our capacity to oversee groups of
friends to around 150 companions, paying little respect to our amiability.
Dunbar has taken time to study Facebook and saw it as an obvious online
engagement also. Interestingly, you can have 1,500 friends on Facebook;
however, when you really see traffic on destinations, you see individuals
keep up the equivalent inward hover of around 150 individuals that we see in
reality. Yet, in light of the fact that Dunbar characterizes a friend as
somebody you care about and contact in any event once per year.
Qualifications must be made. For a while, we can't have 150 cozy friends.
We can have 150 persuasive connections. Private kinships have profound
responsibility and depend on extraordinary hazards—first comes the danger
of accepting that we are individuals who matter enough, who are profound
enough, to impact others' lives.
In the event that we don't comprehend the noteworthiness of our essence, we
can never give anybody the present of our lives. In any case, a similarly
incredible hazard is that having private companions opens us up to being
profoundly harmed by those companions. A few people shield themselves
from social torment by having no cozy friend. Others do it by having such a
significant number of shallow companions that a hurt delivered by one is
diffused by the mass. Basically, relationship includes chance, and on the off
chance that we need to impact other individuals' lives, we must be happy with
tolerating that hazard. While the sum we give of ourselves changes dependent
on the social closeness we are looking for, the chance is constantly verifiable
during the time spent moving individuals from inquisitive devotees to
specific companions with whom you have an impact that rises above value-
based patterns. When you realize what is important to others through an act
of tuning in, setting your issues in a holding example is the best way to
genuinely connect with others with a consistent eating regimen of what they
care about. What's more, similarly to the most significant dangers, the reward
is proportionate. Consequent impact is progressively powerful, and there
before long comes what is important to you matters to them.
The differentiation between your friends and your supporters is a significant
one to think about when looking to establish a long term connection on
others. There are those in this world with whom you have earned a
noteworthy impact; they are a blessing and an obligation. You ought to know
what their identity is as well as consistently recognize what makes a
difference to them. The blessing is the thing that they bring to you; esteem it.
The obligation is to lead your relationship someplace significant to both of
you—however, in any event, to them. Maybe what is most significant to you,
all things considered, is being important to other people. One thing is sure:
During a time when the mass of messages duplicates day by day, just a
modest number truly matters. To impact others, ensure yours are among
them.
Starting meaningful discussions that address issues that matter to people on
social media platforms is a great way of ensuring that you not only get more
followers but also influence people to trust you. People are inclined to believe
and do as instructed by people who show interest in the issues affecting them
daily. They tend to have the notion that you relate with and understand what
they are going through. As such, they are more inclined to genuinely like you
and want to be closer to you in order to engage more in the discussions,
especially if they learn something from the discussions.
 RETAIN CONNECTION
For what reason is retaining connections with people so significant? For a
pioneer to successfully impact another's frame of mind or conduct, he needs
to defeat any potential opposition by making the individual feel happy to do
what is being inquired. We aren't discussing control or mind control here. On
the off chance that you think about what different objectives are and how to
associate your objectives to hers, you will make a success win circumstance
that will make everyone happy. It is astounding how straightforward it is
today to discover an association with another when we set aside the effort to.
On the off chance that you go on a meeting or a business call, wouldn't you
invest energy looking into the organization, finding its vision, its expressed
objectives, its qualities? The entirety of this is data that numerous
organizations post upfront on their sites. What's more, many go a lot further,
posting worker profiles, public statements, and refreshed data on their web
journals. However, we frequently don't set aside the effort to make these
equivalent advances with those in our lives, those standing directly before us,
despite the fact that it is similarly as simple. Ask individuals what they did
throughout the end of the week, what they plan to accomplish for their next
get-away, or what books they've as of late perused, and you'll find something
convincing and uncovering about their objectives, their fantasies. Also, in
case you're associated with them on the web, it might be considerably
simpler. Six degrees to Kevin Bacon is a fascinating popular culture wonder,
yet it's really a phenomenal method to consider those you need to impact. At
the point when you extend the interpretation to incorporate regular interests,
normal encounters, shared objectives, in all actuality, we are just a single
degree away from anybody. To be persuasive with others, to satisfy them to
do what it is, we might want them to do. We basically need to locate that one
degree that associates us.
While online life is an extraordinary apparatus for realizing what drives
someone, it is just a device. What pioneers need to encourage inside
themselves is an authentic want to find out the appropriate response and
afterward to follow up on the data, a longing that many bombed
administrators undermine, both intentionally and unwittingly. Similarly, as
modesty is by all accounts at the focal point of authority viability,
haughtiness is ordinarily at the base of a pioneer's demise, what's more, our
own haughtiness takes numerous structures. The simplest is the egotistical
center that encourages a conviction that I am integral to the practicality of the
association, the office, or the group. The subsequent pompousness of others'
commitments is unavoidable. At the point when presumption blooms into
hubris, a feeling of privilege results. "This spot can't work without me, and I
merit unique advantages." Egotistical pioneers likewise appear to shun input
so helpful to any pioneer. They become truth-starved. Is there any valid
reason why we shouldn't recognize what our partners, associates,
companions, and family individuals dream? How incredible that data would
be. How focal that data would be for supporting a course whereby you and
those in your circle of impact accomplish what is wanted.
Do you realize what inspires the individuals around you? There are
straightforward approaches to discover this. What's more, when you have the
data, it is a basic procedure to connect your desired results with their
objectives. Here is what you can do;

1. Be genuine. Try not to guarantee whatever you can't convey.

2. Be compassionate. Ask yourself what it is the other individual
truly needs.
3. Consider the advantages the individual will get from doing what
you recommend.
4. Match those advantages to the next individual's needs.
5. At the point when you make your solicitation, put it in a structure
that will pass on to the next individual that he by and by will
profit.

The more you are aware of others, and the more they are aware of you, the
simpler it will be to discover shared conviction on which to base all future
imagination and joint effort. Remaining associated with clients in the
advanced world is keeping numerous officials alert around evening time. The
key isn't defaulting your advanced media into simple value-based mode;
rather, open them wide for continuous correspondence also. We presently
live in an associated existence where organizations and clients being in a split
second and continually in contact isn't a special case; it's the desire. The
customary jobs of promoting, advertising, and client relations have changed.
So too has the job of the present chief. In computerized existence, with open
get to and visit correspondence, the spur of the moment standards of
corporate movement have, to a great extent, separated and been supplanted
by the essential standards of human relations. On the off chance that you
don't have the foggiest idea how to win companions and impact individuals in
a real, furthermore, positive way today, not exclusively will you experience
difficulty keeping pace in a commercial center governed by the purchaser,
you will likewise experience difficulty keeping your kin utilized.
Since a long time ago, gone are the days when pioneers can rule over their
reports from behind shut entryways in highest floor workplaces open just by
private lifts. In truth, those days never existed where viable authority is
concerned—not in 1936 and not presently. Today, with a full-time network as
the standard, the results of remote authority are progressively discernable.
Physical closeness isn't the primary issue. Social closeness is. While an
individual can just once in a while keep up a gainful, dynamic relationship
without a sensible proportion of physical nearness, no individual in the world
—particularly a pioneer—can keep up dynamic impact without social
nearness. The facts confirm that the world is currently open for business.
However, your first assignment remains a matter of mankind. The best
attempts are and consistently will be associated and intelligent. At last, the
specialty of winning companions and impacting individuals in the
computerized age is summarized in the movement of interfacing and
remaining associated with a shared conviction.
 CHAPTER 5: HOW TO
MAKE ENEMIES

The topic may sound awkward, unsolicited, and caustic to people, but to
some extent, you may wonder how one can be delighted in making more
enemies. Most people have few individuals, and we cannot categorically
consider them as enemies of others or that they have many enemies resulting
in their situation. In most cases, enemies are considered to be the ones who
work towards denying you your success in life. They have a negative motive
for your success. Therefore, what is the need for entertaining such people in
your life? After all, all they have to do is to harm you, make you more useless
and unworthy in the community. Moreover, one needs to identify these
people before harming the wrong people who have nothing to do with your
success. After identifying them, you will have a humble time in keeping in
touch with their actions.
One needs to take note of those who have a negative attitude and talk badly
towards them. These people have nothing good to talk about in any given
situation when you interact with them. They are full of complaints and
negative comments to derail your reputation in public. On the other hand,
friends may have positive criticism to help you move from one status to
another, but enemies have nothing positive towards you. In such situations,
you do not have to panic about what they say or how they perceive you to be.
The greatest enemy of the enemies is to assume their actions and persuasion
to get your attention. Find a way to make them weary and unsettle with
resentments they direct at you. By doing so, they will always wonder how to
get unto you, how to harm you. A tackle for a tackle makes them wonder if
you are normal. However, there are those enemies who will always pursue
your success line as if they are concerned, prove it to them that you are better
than them. Make them feel like the enemy of their progress by intimidating
their feelings through your success. Ever wonder why some people are more
concerned about your welfare, relationship, and work. They have many
questions about what is going on in your life than theirs, do not give a damn
on how they feel or try to help them out for that is what they will seek from
you to get your full attention. Furthermore, they have nice words to lure you
into their thinking and taking advantage of your feelings wherever they get a
chance. Anny slightest chance poses a danger to you.
Typically, your enemies will gossip about you, talk negatively, and make fun
of you whenever they can. Nevertheless, do not heed their derailing character
and behavior they display. Acknowledging their actions and responding
negatively can calm them down since they know that their actions affect you
as intended. Moving forward positively makes them feel bad as if their plans
do not succeed on you. That feeling of failure makes one try more and more,
and they will gang up to harm you, frustrate and humiliate your feelings at
any chance they have got.
Making more enemies can be beneficial to anyone who intends to succeed in
life. Take time to share snapshots and any honeymoon or friends' graduations.
By sharing the success on social media and other media, enemies will always
find it respect to come into terms with those success and great heights
attained in life. Who wants you to succeed more than them, who want you to
be happy in life than them? It is human nature to desire and envy others'
success. People tend not to relate well with those who constantly share their
photos and other sorts of media on social media. These exposures usually
irritate other people, chances of being considered to be showing off are very
high. In real sense, it is not about showing off but sharing with the public
about your blessings. If your enemies are not blessed, which in most cases,
they are struggling in life, they will hate whatever you are doing. They feel
very bad about your progress and achievements in life.
The enemies will be attracted by your achievements, and it will irritate them
to see you doing well in life. Whenever you intend to make many enemies in
life, focus on your success, and most probably, you will realize how many
people who do not like you. They will hate you passionately with all they
have against you. Moreover, they will gang up to bring you down when you
least expect. How does one identify such loopholes prior? The need to realize
that they do exist and the closest enemy will always be your friend whom you
trust with every detail of your life. He or she knows how to tackle you well to
get what they want. In most cases, they are used by other enemies to get the
best of you at their disposal. The enemy intends to harm you and not to
benefit you in any way possible.
Certainly, some people will always ask you much about you, and in return,
they do not talk about themselves. Their achievements and intentions and
sealed from you, even if you try to pursue them, they will never open up on
anything worth the coin. Therefore, if you intend to create more enemies, do
the same to people. Ask more questions and do not disclose any detail about
your intention or the activity you are currently undertaking. That project you
have in mind should always remain secret and far from their comprehension.
How will you feel after sharing an idea with a person and the next thing you
hear it be configured against you at all time? People who are good at that are
the enemies who must be avoided at all levels.
According to studies done by oxford university students, department of
psychology, it is revealed that most of the students who have no close
companions are always have a low self-disclosure predicts that they are not
close at all level. Logically, the best way to attract more enemies is to avoid
reciprocating their disclosure. Everyone likes to talk about themselves, but to
some extent, they too need to hear from you to create that confidentiality.
How will one feel after telling someone all their troubles and tribulations, and
then they do not get any positive reviews or positive feedback from the
receiver. It sounds weird and discouraging at the same time. Taking the
opportune time to tell someone about what you feel and in return, they earn
nothing from you. Even if you are an angel, you will feel betrayed and
negated by the things you do or the conversation. Being such a person will
always repel people from you, and they are not likely to share anything with
you in the future. That is the best technique of earning more enemies in your
life. For instance, you may persuade them to do what they do not intend to do
and get the credit by gaining from such knowledge without infringing their
privacy and knowledge on what they do. At one point, you need to get things
done by other people at your expense.
Having friends can be fascinating and adoring, but you should take note that
some friends are worse than enemies. They have different faces, which may
deceive you that they are okay with everything you are doing, how you are
going about your business, and everything at your disposal. Though this may
sound unconvincing and unreliable according to this view, one will complain
that there are friends who can die for you or friends who will always be there
when you need them. Human beings are the same, and one should not be
deceived about such shallow thinking perspective with no concrete evidence
support. If I may ask, how many people have you stood with throughout your
life, those whom you considered being your best friend? Why lie, very few as
compared to those whom you want to stand with you during your trial times.
In life, one will not always get all they want; at want point, you will get what
you do not expect, and when it comes to that, enemies are the agents who
lead to such unfortunate events that tend to unfold before your eyes. Friends
tend to deceive people, and they are likely enemies in the future. Do not
entertain fake and unreliable friends; they rather are your enemies, and
having such knowledge that someone is your enemy is more satisfying than
having them around you. Enemies should always be enemies, and there is no
intention of making them your friends. Besides, the basic friendship binding
tie is the expectation they have on you, what they intend to gain out of the
friendship, and not what they can lose or offer to alleviate your success.
On the contrary, enemies are there to push you to success, and they tend to
create room for competition and challenges to make you think out the box.
Better have many enemies who are threatened by your success than fake
friends around you who are just there to exploit you at any opportunity they
can get. However, need to hide such emotions make one succeed and gain
more enemies over the years. The Internet is full of mediocrity, and in most
cases, people express their emotions openly on social media seeking
sympathy and attention. How will it be when everyone expresses their
emotions on social media and expect to be consoled by strangers? Repulsing
such actions may sound good, but most of the participants will consider you
an enemy of the people. Telling the truth is the most interesting and
dangerous thing in this world. Most people will consider it an insult to their
feelings, and others will consider it immature. Going against the current
intrigued more negative feelings against you, and other perpetrators may
trigger the same emotions.
Society is full of uncertainty because of people who usually stand with the
truth. Nobody likes someone who tells the truth, or who does not entertain
nonsense make it more difficult for others. Visualize that one person who
always stood with the right thing despite the current in society. No matter the
circumstances, he or she will always state things the way they are without
fear of being intimidated or counteracted by other people due to their stand.
These people usually attract more enemies to themselves, and in most
instances, they attract few towards them due to their stand on the truth. That
is the world we live in, no one wants to hear the naked truth about anything,
and if you can lie, that can attract many friends. Why is that so? I guess it is
because we are used to such things within us. No one wants to be told the
truth about anything they have done wrong; friends seek praise and
confidence in what they have done right but not what they have done wrong
to anyone. Even the state fear those who will openly derail the government
about what they have done wrong to the citizen. If one does so, he or she will
be considered an enemy of the nation and also of themselves due to their
honest action. The current technological error does not like honest people.
These people threaten the wellbeing of others. The fear of living with honest
people is worse than living with the devil himself. They will state things the
way they are, and the chances of creating more tension are higher than
building bridges. When it comes to relationships, it is worse than ever, how
will you tell your partner that you have cheated on them? How will they take
such initiative even if you are that honest person ever? Such is very difficult,
and one will prefer to keep quiet than talking.
In an attempt to earn more favor at work or any social setting, many people
will resort to humble bragging. The act could turn out to be a turn off to many
people, and it may earn a person more enemies than friends. Such actions are
good for self-improvement and not for making more friends. In case you
intend to make more enemies, this is the best way to go — the technique
works for itself in every situation that needs attention. When you brag about
your potential, most of the people in that setting will be threatened and made
jealous of the attention you are likely to get from the colleagues. Having such
a mindset is the best in this world; people will be afraid of the potential and
the danger you can cause to their career. No one likes a competitor, more so a
braggart who seems to know it all at the workplace. They will probably
attract a negative attitude and draw back from the colleague who is in the
competition to make their lives better at the organization. When you brag
about your potential and end up not delivering as per the promise and the
investment, it usually attracts more enemies. Such people are considered to
be unreliable and unrealistic to the entire organization. If you may ask any
employer, they will tell you about that employee they invest in believing than
he or she will deliver as they promise, but they later realize that they made
the biggest mistake ever. They live in regret and disgust towards those
employees. At any point, they will complain that they are unworthy and
undeserving of the position due to the lie at the interview and CV they
present to the organization. That may sound devastating and depressing to the
employee, but it triggers its niche in the society where everyone needs to be
unique in their way, and that is life. It is all about the impact it has on other
people, triggering negative emotions that make one feel threatened and
unwanted in society.
They have ever come across a person who does not smile at all or someone
who is always serious about life. They are there to intimidate you or make
you feel unwanted in the company. For instance, the employer who is always
serious about work makes things difficult for the employees. Employees are
threatened and oppressed with every speculation about new ventures or
actions to be taken. Being the best employer does not mean that you have to
tolerate nonsense at all times; at one point, you have to be strict on quality
and the timeline. The need to make things right at all level drive people crazy,
more so the lazy type who like to idle. Factually, most of the successful
people are strict to some extent; they do not tolerate nonsense at work. Their
actions earn them more enemies at the beginning, making them get where
they are at the moment. Tell me any successful person without enemies, and I
will show you how a cat takes a bath at the river. Chances are close to nil,
and that is what makes it more unique. Therefore, which side will you take?
Having more enemies and being successful or having no enemy and
miserable at the same time. I always wonder if there is anybody on earth who
does not like to be successful, it does not matter whether it is on monetary
terms or anything. All that matters is that you are successful on your own
terms, being happy and contented with all that you have in life. In my view,
having the monetary assets that make life easy and enjoyable turn me on at
any level. The knowledge that you can meet or cater to every expense makes
one feel good and reliable at the same time. Not forgetting about the
employee's and employers' tribulations, which attract enmity at the
workplace. Most of the employees are a puppet of the employers. They will
do anything to make things right for the employers. If such a person is your
colleague, how will you feel? Remember that they do such things to gain
recognition and promotion, and there is no event planned against the
company that will ever go through successful. They will spy on your actions
and intention and later report to the employer about everything planned at the
organization. Never get involved with such people to be your ally’s; these
people are there to get the best of you and not for themselves. They cannot be
trusted by anyone who intends to succeed. However, being such an employee
can earn one a great position that may turn out to be the source of income and
motivation to others. Though there are a lot of enemies on the process, those
who dislike you because of such actions and to some extent, other employees
may be expelled on the process of pursuing the supremacy.
Ultimately, As long as you know what you want in life, going for it despite
the consequences, it may attract is the best option one may ever take. Why try
to please people while you can make the best out of the situation. Let them
hate you, complain and accuse you of anything, but all that matters most is
the result and not the accusations they make. No one will earn anything out of
that; after all, it is your life. Why mind about their problems and worries
while you have a bunch of problems to worry about. It is not all about not
caring or not being empathetic about others' wellbeing. Not all people will
like what you are doing, and therefore creating potential enemies make life
more enjoyable than having no enemy as a pacesetter. We need friends and
enemies, but for one to be successful, they need more enemies than friends,
and that is what makes the world the way it is today. Besides, the
technological innovations and creativity in the world today are born out of
enmity of success. People will always invent more powerful machines than
that of the competitor to thrive and sustain themselves.
 HOW TO AVOID MAKING
ENEMIES IN THE DIGITAL
AGE
It is very easy in this digital era to make friends, but it is equally such easy to
make enemies. A lot of people do not know how to avoid making enemies,
and they easily find themselves making enemies more than friends. In this
digital era, a lot of software and applications have come up that help people
meet and interact with new friends. These applications have proven to be for
the best, and there is, therefore, a need to know how you should avoid
making enemies in this digital age. It is normal for disagreements to spiral
out anytime, which can have either short term or long term effects on your
relationship with the other person. Disagreements are inevitable, and nobody
has not faced an unpleasant relationship. However, how you treat these
unpleasant relationships is what matters in everything.

Show Interest in Others

Mary, on one chilly morning, posted on Facebook that she was looking for a
friend with whom they could make a long-lasting relationship and would also
make it a step higher to marriage. She went ahead to give her contacts where
people interested would contact her. She got all of the people who had sent
her messages, but her attention was drawn to one guy named Jeff. Jeff had
shown a lot of interest in Mary and was truly honest about wanting to create a
relationship with him. They kept the communication going, and they found
out that they had a lot in common and were bent to taking this relationship a
notch higher. However, Jeff noticed that Mary is no longer interested in
talking to him and would even go for a day without calling him or texting
him. When he tried reaching out to Mary, she did not have anything to say
and rather told Jeff that she is no longer interested in the relationship for no
genuine reason. Jeff felt heartbroken and was angry at Mary. He could not
contain what Mary had told him, and this made him so angry. This situation
rather turned out into a very bad situation, which could have been easily
avoided. Mary could have avoided turning Jeff into an enemy if she only
talked about it in the first place. She should have at least tried to show
interest in him, and even if she saw him not fit for marriage, she could have
at least showed interest and compliment Jeff on his achievements and skills
keep the friendship going. Showing interest in someone makes them feel
valued and appreciated.

Encourage Expression of Ideas

About the above-given example, Jeff was able to catch Mary’s attention by
bringing up subjects that they were comfortable talking about. He was able to
encourage Mary to give out opinions and ideas on what she saw best about
their relationship. This will also show that you are value whatever you are
saying.

Be Kind
Being kind to people who would want to start a disagreement with you and
being very civilized will make them think twice about arguing with you.
Showing people your wise side will keep away people who would want to be
enemies with you, especially those that love arguing for no reason. Being
polite and checking your body language, especially while inking a
disagreement, will help you avoid being an enemy to someone. Avoid being
rude to someone regardless of what they say about you. Smiling and
maintaining eye contact will make the other person see that arguing and
becoming enemies is of no point at all. In cases where the argument is not
face-to-face, and you are using a means of communication, for example,
phone and you are texting each other, make sure to be careful with the words
you use to your partner, also let them air their views. Do not overlap texts; let
them say what they want to say first before going on ahead to send in your
message. Trying using soothing words to the other person and ask them to
calm down so that you cannot. This will help both you have a flawless chat,
and you will be able to easily solve out your issues.

Maintain Boundaries
People tend to cross the line either knowingly or unknowingly. It is,
therefore, advisable that you set boundaries and make them known to people
so that you do not end up feeling frustrated in the end. This is very important
that you will be able to avoid making any enemies. If you are looking for
friends at Facebook, for instance, it is good to note down what you like and
don't like so that anybody who views your profile will be able to see what
you have indicated there. Feeling upset is inevitable; the difference is all in
how you sort out the issue. If you feel that someone is making you feel
uncomfortable or is crossing the line, it is good to express this to them in a
calm way that will not make anyone of you angry. Do not ignore the person
as this will make the person irritate you more unknowingly, which will lead
to enmity. In a discussion and you feel that somebody is taking it too far, it is
good to let them also know that you have your own opinions and views on
the topic being discussed.

Suggest a Break
It is very hard to focus and reason properly when you feel angry or when you
are in disagreement. It is therefore wise that you take a short break from all of
the pressure and diffuse your emotions. If someone sends you a very
provoking message and you feel your blood boil, it is good to keep away
from the phone for a bit to avoid saying things that would later on come to
regret. Similarly, if you notice someone is angry at you, take some time and
give that person time to think about the situation again before discussing your
issues. Be more positive about the issue that is making you angry, and you
will find that you will be able to view the confrontation in a more positive
perspective.

Remain Cool
You can easily reduce the anger that the other person is feeling towards you.
This can only be achieved if you can control your feelings at first before even
trying to control the other person's emotions as well. This might include
taking a deep breath or counting from one to ten and vice versa. This will
help remove anger emotions. You should take as much time as you need and
you feel comfortable with. This includes hours, days, weeks, or even months
for some other people who are not able to get over these emotions easily.
Look at the Other Person Perspective
Disagreements are two-sided, meaning that there must be two or more people
for there to be a disagreement; it is, therefore, advisable that you listen to
what the other side and party have to say. Also, purpose to see where the
other party is coming from. Think about using their perspective. This will
help you understand them more, and you will now be able to solve any issues
that you may have. If it is hard to understand where they come from, ask
them to explain their side of the story to clear out any doubts that you may
have. Similarly, also explain your side to them so that they are also able to
understand your perspective. This will make it easier for you to sort out
issues in a way that will favor both parties. Try and empathize with the other
party as well as they empathize with you.

Avoid Being Defensive

Being defensive only makes things worse and makes the other party feel as if
they do not know what they are saying. Save other debates and arguments
that you feel will add more heat to the already burning fire. Do not interrupt
the other party as they talk, give them space and time before talking to avoid
them, thinking that you do not want to listen to them or that you are one-
sided. give the other person the benefit of the doubt and try working out the
truth from thereon. Always consider what the other party is saying even if it
is not what you want, but this may help lower the disagreements.

Involve Third Parties

If you feel that it might not be working for both of you, it is good that you
resort to seeking out a third opinion on your issues. The third-party should
not be on anyone's side. They should be neutral in their decision; this will
make both parties feel that the third party is not taking anyone's side. This
could be a friend, a therapist, or anyone that you feel free and can open up to.
The third-party will help you come into a mutual agreement with each other.
Maintain friends and making sure that you do not have enemies can be hard
in this day and era since most people that you meet online are different from
what you perceived them, and you might find it hard to maintain a friendly
relationship with them. Always maintain a positive and constructive focus
that will help both of you with time. Any time that you fight with someone, it
is good that try initiating a topic that has nothing to do with the arguments
that you had. This helps to clear out the air, and the other person can reason
perfectly with you now. Finding the correct statements to use in this kind of
situation help to easily dissolve arguments that may lead to enmity. A lot of
people in this era have taken their disagreements to social media, where you
find them arguing and bashing out at each other openly without caring what
the public may think of them. Though social media has come out to help
make new friends, it has also created a huge platform for disagreements.
People using social media don't know when to stop the agreements, and they
keep going on and on, making you feel bad. The parties involved in this case,
at times, do not have a say in all of this and at times, find themselves having
to follow what other people say. It would be wise that you do not take your
fights to social media and would rather solve it the both of you since social
media will only make your situation worse than it is already. Look for means
to always solve your conflicts, and do not let a relationship that you have
worked hard from the top just go to the drain. Always have a platform to
discuss your differences with each other and try initiating a conversation with
the other partner. Make them smile and feel better. Do not let disagreements
get to extreme measures such as enmity when you always have an option.
As you try to mend your relationships, it is good to note that it is not all
relationships that can be solved. You might try and still end up losing at the
end. In this case, it is the best top to create space and let the other party
decide on what to do. In this digital era, making enemies can as well be
avoided, and one should be careful while choosing who to talk to since other
people are out there bent to make other people's lives a living hell. They are
not truthful about the relationships they make. Let no one make your life a
living hell. Always let them know that you have a say and choice in your life.
Do not fight for someone that is not worth it. Always focus on having more
reliable and trustful friends rather than having a long list of enemies and
friends who cannot help you in situations and disagreements. Do not accept
to lead a life of disagreements always.
 CHAPTER 6: YOU DO NOT
NEED AUTHORITY TO
INFLUENCE PEOPLE

Given the fact that most people with a huge number of followers on social
media platforms are celebrities or deemed to have celebrity-like status, there
is a notion that you must have some form of authority in order to influence
people and win friends. However, this is not the case, and unfortunately, most
people give up on building connections through online platforms because
they do not have celebrity-like status. There are different ways of influencing
people positively and building a mutually beneficial friendship. For instance,
you can utilize the somewhat unexploited ways of building online presence
and connections. Here is how to achieve that;
 USING EMAILS AND
ONLINE CHAT ROOMS TO
INFLUENCE PEOPLE AND
MAKE FRIENDS
In the past times (that is, preceding the Web), individuals used to meet at
school, work, in their neighborhood, where they revered, or where they
played. On the off chance that they hit it off, they traded phone numbers and
friendship started. Today, in any case, there is another way for individuals to
meet, make companions, and assemble their connections. Welcome to the
universe of email and on-line talk rooms. Imparting on the internet is, as of
now, a lifestyle for bunches of individuals. Why not sign on, send an email to
an old friend, and visit a talk room? Perceive that it is so natural to begin a
discussion and develop new friendships.

Five Standard Procedures for Better Email

The vast majority concur that email is the upset of the 1990s. However,
numerous clients don't have the foggiest idea about the fundamental
guidelines. These standards will improve your email messages to outsiders,
friends, family members, associates, and business contacts. They will assist
you with staying away from the most widely recognized errors that
"amateurs" (newcomers to the Web) make when they use email.

Standard procedure No. 1: Quickly React to Email Messages

An unanswered email, similar to an unreturned phone call, leaves
individuals feeling overlooked and aggravated. Check your email day
by day and send reactions within a few days to the individuals who
have reached you. Obviously, you don't have to react to spontaneous
messages (otherwise called spam) except if you decide to. In the event
that you don't have the opportunity to send a full reaction, at any rate,
recognize that you got the email and guarantee to compose all the more
soon.

Standard procedure No. 2: Never Email a Message That You

Wouldn't Need your Mom, Your Chief, or the Remainder of
the World to Know
You can expect that a conventional letter (snail mail) is private, yet it
"ain't really so" with email. Individuals other than the first senders can
recover spared email messages. Composing very private or individual
messages, making frightful comments, or tattling about an individual
can prompt a humiliating circumstance. Envision how you would feel
if your message appeared in another person's post box or on the Web
with your email address and name appended as its unique sender. So,
remember, the email you send and get is rarely private. Additionally,
since numerous US, courts have decided that organizations reserve an
option to go through representatives' email, it is significantly
progressively imperative to recall that your on-line messages at work
are not private. In the event that your chief supervisor peruses your
messages and sees an unseemly close to home message or talkative
comment about him or a customer, you could be in a humiliating
circumstance.

Standard Procedure No. 3: Don't Type Your Message in Caps

Email messages written in every single capital letter are deciphered as
yelling and seem to be being impolite. Continuously utilize upper-and
lowercase letters as you would in a conventional correspondence.

Standard Procedure No. 4: Keep It Quick and Simple

Research shows that individuals get a normal of five to ten email
messages a day, and numerous overwhelming clients routinely have
more than twenty-five messages sitting tight for them every day in
their letterboxes. In this way, don't always email your friends with
insignificant arrangements of jokes, articles, or bulletins except if you
realize they would welcome them. Additionally, to help limit the
perusing time of email, attempt to keep your messages brief. Be that as
it may, a couple of word reactions, for example, "I concur," or "Right!"
can make disarray. Be certain your reaction incorporates references to
the sender's unique message.

Standard procedure No. 5: Send Elegantly composed

Messages
Numerous individuals send their companions email messages that
comprise of lousy composing alongside a letter set soup of contractions
and images, called "emojis" or "smilies." Familiarity, notwithstanding,
doesn't pardon messy composing, so don't send your old companions
or new one’s email that shows an absence of regard for this significant
“chatiquette” rule. A messy email to a customer or business contact
makes the sender appear to be amateurish. Take a couple of additional
minutes to edit your messages for spelling blunders (utilize the spell
check at any rate twice), imprudent missteps, or wrong remarks, and
put your name toward the finish of the message before you click on
"Send." Recollect, when you've sent an email, you can't recover it. You
can make companions over the Web a similar way you do face to face,
by means of the phone, or with a conventional "friend through
correspondence" letter. "You interface and keep in touch with
individuals who offer your inclinations, encounters, qualities, and
objectives. In your first email, consistently present yourself, clarify
how you got the individual's name and address, and the explanation
behind your correspondence, similar to eye to eye connections, Web
fellowships need to grow normally, after some time.
 ENGAGING IN
DISCUSSION AND
MAKING FRIENDS USING
CHAT ROOMS
Would you like to meet individuals and warm up to other people who offer
your interests and objectives? It's simple on the off chance that you go on the
web and visit a site with a "talk room." For instance, in the event that you like
to travel, you can join an on-line dialog on driving, cruising, railroading,
catching a ride, or some other possible method of transportation. It is safe to
say that you are baffled about your next profession move? Go to a
business/vocation talk room and get some speedy recommendations from
other employment searchers. Do you appreciate talking about recent
developments, business patterns, or your preferred subject, then join a chat
room and share ideas with people who share your interests.

What Precisely Is a Chat Room?

A chat/talk room is where continuous discussions about specific themes
occur. Gatherings of clients post email messages "progressively" that
everybody in the room views at the same time and can promptly react to.
Truth be told, a portion of the bigger systems have in excess of 3,000 talk
rooms devoted to various themes. Talk room directors, or hosts, run the
exchange, explain and implement the principles of chatiquette. Hosts will ban
participants for foul language, offensive comments, or other wrongful
conduct that disregards the essential principles of imparting on-line. There's
most likely a talk room where individuals are discussing your topic of interest
as they share tips and ideas freely.
Online Chatting Requires "Chatiquette"
Great on-line discussions require a large number of indistinguishable
aptitudes from eye to eye discussions, including affability. You likely
wouldn't ask another colleague in an eye to eye discussion personal inquiries,
for example, "How much do you make monthly?" or "Do you have a boring
or interesting sex life?” or "Is that a precious stone; genuine?" But something
peculiar happens to certain individuals who typically have great habits when
they - send email or go into visit rooms. They toss manners out the window
(not the PC assortment) and become totally uncaring. Try not to give the
apparently mysterious part of chatting online a chance to line trick you. As in
all discussions, regardless of whether they are face to face, on the phone, or
on the internet, it's not exactly what you state; it's the means by which you
state it.
 RULES AND
REGULATIONS WHEN
YOU VISIT TALK ROOMS
Most talk rooms observe typical norms of good direct, albeit numerous on-
line forums have their very own arrangements of rules dependent on their
group of spectators and substance. As a rule, the accompanying customs will
shield you from making any major violation of social norms when you visit
online forums. Prowling is seeing how individuals in a talk room convey
before taking part in the discourse. Since "chatiquette," or what is satisfactory
language and conduct, differs from gathering to gathering, hiding encourages
you to choose on the off chance that you feel good in the visiting room.
Prowling additionally enables you to figure out the manner in which
messages are posted and how to react to questions and remarks.

Try Not to Be Timid About Hopping into the Online Talk

When you've established that you’d like to partake in the on-line
conversation, at that point bounce in with a remark or an inquiry, similarly as
you would in a regular discussion. The general demeanor of most visit room
members is "more is always better."

Do Recollect That You Are Conversing with Individuals

Your on-line picture depends on your on-line discussion style, so let your
remarks mirror your comical inclination and individual interests. You can get
a feeling of the discussion styles of others on-line by focusing in on similar
sorts of correspondence qualities.
Try Not to Affront Different Individuals from the Gathering
In the event that you can't help contradicting what a person state during an
online conversation, avoid cruel reprimands because they ruin the connection
and discussion as they would in a regular face to face conversation.
Regardless of whether you feel like messaging an awful reproach, keep quiet,
or for this situation, avoid hitting the send button.

Do Peruse FAQS
Go through the chat room "FAQ" before presenting any inquiries on the
visiting room so prepared gathering individuals don't criticize you for burning
through their time with addressed inquiries. They deem obvious or
straightforward for people who are familiar with the chat room rules and
operation directives.

Try Not to Own Expressions You Can't Back Up

Keep in mind. Similarly, as in up close and personal discussions, trust is the
core of online connections. On the off chance that you own expressions about
yourself or others that are false or you can't bolster, your validity, according
to other on-line clients, will be compromised.

Do Address Your Chatiquette Goofs

At the point when experienced clients or hosts call attention to that you've
committed a chatiquette error, don't get annoyed or contend. Quickly pursue
their recommendation and say thanks to them for pointing out your slip. A
few people think that it’s simpler to speak up in online talk rooms than in an
eye to eye discussion since they don't stress over appearances, and ordinarily,
the clients stay unknown. Simultaneously, nonetheless, without the
advantages of non-verbal communication and manner of speaking, online
clients can miss the unpretentious sign that we send to each other while
imparting eye to eye, (That is the reason emojis’ were designed!) Also, it's
hard to become acquainted with somebody well on the off chance that you
don't have the foggiest idea about their genuine name.
 VISIT ROOMS ARE
PLATFORMS TO BEGIN
DISCUSSIONS AND MAKE
NEW FRIENDSHIPS
Talking with individuals online is an approach to expand your friend network
and associates. There are the same number of chat room spots to visit and
meet individuals as there are subjects in a book shop. Remember that the
Web is still brimming with a wide range of talk rooms, some of which are
odd, on the edge of poor taste, or outright hostile. Type words into a web
search, and you'll discover numerous locales and talk rooms to visit: It's
incredible to move from the internet discussion to an eye to eye meeting.
However, it requires shared trust and sound judgment. In the event that both
of you are pleasing, propose a short gathering in an open spot (be explicit) for
some espresso or bite. On the off chance that you haven't traded photographs,
at that point, say how you'll perceive one another. (For instance, "I'm 5'8" tall,
dark-colored hair, and I'll be the one wearing blue . . .") Similarly, as when
you meet anybody just because (in spite of the fact that you may have talked
a few times online), never give out your accurate location or some other
individual data until you're certain beyond a shadow of a doubt that you need
to see the person in question again. Trading your phone numbers could be the
"following stage," however, just on the off chance that you feel good doing as
so.

Online Discussions Need to Concentrate on Individuals

It appears that, consistently, new innovative leaps forward enable us to speak
with each other quicker and simpler. Talking with individuals by means of
email and in online visits, enables you to take advantage of enormous
systems of individuals around the globe who offer your inclinations, dreams,
or needs. Individuals who, under typical circumstances, most likely could
never have the chance to meet, can become companions and associates, all
basically from beginning an online discussion.

Utilize Support and Positive Input: Don't Condemn

Despite the fact that there is consistently an opportunity to get better when
you are giving criticism, it's smarter to adulate the positive traits of
somebody's endeavors first, regardless of whether you truly need to look for
something great to remark about. It's likewise significant not to sandwich
positive remarks and useful analysis together into a similar sentence.
Sandwiching recognition and analysis together more often than not kills the
audience, and he turns out to be less agreeable and open to your proposals for
development. It's smarter to give acclaim where it is expected and recognize
the exertion required to finish the errand. For instance, to a youngster who
has at last completed a task that is way past due: "I'm extremely glad to see
that you've completed the task successfully. It requires some investment to
compose a report that looks comparable to this." At that point to address the
issue generally work, you could state, "How would you figure you may have
the option to get your next task in on schedule?" By empowering the
youngster with positive criticism and afterward introducing the issue as an
open-finished inquiry, ideally, he will think of a sensible recommendation as
opposed to just do what he is told. Thus, you make it almost certain that the
youngster will react energetically to the following task, just as complete the
work on schedule.

Fun-Loving Prodding Is a Solid Method to Pass on Emotions

and Dispositions
Prodding, in the event that it is done in an energetic and cheery manner, can
be advantageous and elevating. Prodding delicately, not malignantly, can be a
significant channel of articulation starting with one individual then onto the
next. At the point when you pass on what you think and feel in a cheerful
way, individuals will be bound to think about what you are stating.

Methodology for Managing Put-Downs

When you are condemned with a put-down, by what means would it be a
good idea for you to respond? Keep your comical inclination up and your
protections down, and you'll be in a superior situation to avoid obscure
remarks and let the other individual realize you have a sure frame of mind
about what your identity is and what you do.

Try Not to Lose Your Comical Inclination

Bring a touch of silliness into a strained or exhausting circumstance by
jabbing a touch of fun at the individuals in question, particularly yourself. It
is significant for companions to have the option to giggle at themselves and at
one another. We never need to lose our comical inclination, in light of the
fact that without it, our affectability to analysis turns out to be excessively
high. Giving individuals a chance to prod you a piece and chuckling at
yourself can be useful when difficulties escape hand, and you start to pay
attention to yourself excessively.

Put-Downs Can Be a Trial of Your Fearlessness

Every so often, individuals put other individuals down to perceive how they
respond to enduring an onslaught. On the off chance that your responses are
cautious ones, the odds are great that a delicate spot has been hit. On the off
chance that you snicker at yourself and don't pay attention to the put-down as
well, at that point, the other individual will accept you are fearless and secure.

Ask Open-Finished Inquiries to Discover the Genuine

Explanation Behind Put-Downs
On the off chance that you feel that the other individual is extremely genuine,
don't respond with a protective remark. Rather, attempt an open-finished
inquiry to urge the other individual to reveal to you what's truly irritating
him. This opens up the correspondence channels and ideally ventilates a
portion of the resentment and disappointment that makes individuals put each
other down. The following are a few models: "what makes you feel that
way?" "Would that be troubling you?" "I don't get it. What is terrible about
that?"
The Other Individual May Have Some Exceptionally
Substantial Things to Point Out
When a portion of the genuine reasons for an individual's outrage turns out,
it's ideal to talk and look for a tradeoff answer for the issue. On the off chance
that an individual's analysis of you is legitimate, attempt to overlook
reactions with the words "yet," "still," "in any case," and substitute them with
words like "Maybe you're correct! What would you advise me to do?"

The Most ideal Approach to Get What You Need Is to Request

It Straightforwardly
The vast majority want to be asked straightforwardly to give or accomplish
something. Numerous individuals despise requests that are not out in the
open. On the off chance that you need something from somebody, it's smarter
to make your solicitation unmistakably. Along these lines, the audience
comprehends what you are requesting, and can answer yes or no to the
solicitation, and choose to what degree, assuming any, she is eager to
coordinate. You can't generally get what you need, yet in any event, you'll
have the fulfillment of realizing you tried.

Individuals Can’t Guess What You Might Be Thinking

A few people anticipate that others should realize what they think, feel, and
need. These individuals convey concealed solicitation after shrouded
demand, trusting that the other individual will make sense of what it is that
they are requesting. It's smarter to be immediate; on the grounds, concealed
solicitations are frequently overlooked or misconstrued. For instance,
consider the sulking partner who needs consideration from his better half. He
stands looking into a field of individuals at the recreation center while his
better half talks with her friends close by. He needs consideration, yet he
wouldn't like to request it straightforwardly, so he frowns and figures: "I
would prefer not to ask. She should realize that I need her attention." As his
sweetheart investigates and sees only him in what has all the earmarks of
being a meditative state of mind, she thinks: "If he really needed to talk, he
could have signaled me to have a walk with him or join him. It would seem
that he needs to have some personal space from everyone else for some
time." For this situation, the sweetheart's concealed solicitation was less
overlooked but rather more confused. He needed consideration, and she
thought he needed to be disregarded. She can't guess what he might be
thinking. However, that is the thing that he anticipated that she should do.
Rather, she just read his non-verbal communication, and it appeared to state,
"Keep off…, I need some time by myself."

“What Do You Need from Me?”

At the point when somebody causes a shrouded solicitation, to be certain that
you comprehend what he is requesting that you do. You can say, "You didn't
actually ask, yet do you need me to guess/know...?" This inquiry will explain
the other individual's concealed solicitation, and afterward, it's dependent
upon you to instruct him to what degree you're willing to complete his
solicitation. To dodge future false impressions that regularly result from
shrouded demands, you can say, "If it's not too much trouble whenever you
need me to help you out, simply ask me legitimately. Then, I will let you
know whether I am able to do as you wish or not.

More Than Smart Correspondence

While the hyper frequency of our connections has made capable relationship
building abilities more invaluable than any time in recent memory, persuasive
individuals must be more than shrewd communicators. Correspondence is
essentially an outward sign of our contemplations, our goals, and our
decisions about the individuals around us. "Out of the flood of the heart, the
mouth talks." These inward drivers are the essential differentiator between
the present chief and the present social bloodsucker. The two most significant
levels of impact are accomplished when individuals tail you as a result of
what you've accomplished for them, and individuals tail you in light of what
your identity is. At the end of the day, the most elevated levels of impact are
arrived at when liberality and reliability encompass your conduct. This is the
cost of incredible, supportable effect, regardless of whether two or 2,000,000
individuals are included.
However, it is just when liberality and trust are conveyed shrewdly and
legitimately that the advantages are common. Since we live during a time
when superstar impact can be obtained like credit lines, and media inclusion
can be won by noisy wheels, it is even more important that each
correspondence open door matter; that each medium you use should be
loaded up with messages that foster trust, pass on appreciation, and enhance
the beneficiaries. The one thing that has not changed since ancient times is
that there is as yet a reasonable differentiation between impact that is
acquired (and is hard to continue) and impact that is earned (and is as
relentless as earth's hub).
Consider a couple of basic standards; don't reprimand, denounce, or whine;
talk about others' inclinations; in case you're not happy, let it out; let others
not hide any hint of failure. Such standards don't make you a smart
conversationalist or a creative raconteur. They remind you to consider others'
needs before you talk. They urge you to address troublesome subjects
sincerely and thoughtfully. They nudge you to turn into a kinder, humbler
administrator, life partner, associate, salesman, and parent. At last, they
challenge you to pick up impact in others' lives, not through the ability to
entertain or control, however, through an authentic propensity for
communicating with more prominent regard, sympathy, and beauty. Your
reward? Rich friendships and an influence on people, reliable exchanges, and
convincing authority.
The standards in this are more than what self-improvement or self-
advancement offers. They are deep systems for enduring, rewarding
advancement in your discussions, your joint efforts, and your organization.
The suggestions are noteworthy. By applying the standards, you won't just
become an all the more convincing individual with more impact in others'
lives; you will satisfy a generous reason each day. Envision this impact
exacerbated over the many everyday collaborations the current digital age
offers. Envision the impact if many individuals, all through an association,
stuck to this same pattern. Winning friends and influencing individuals today
is no little issue. On the continuum of chances, it is your most prominent and
most steady event to gain economic ground with others. Also, what
achievement doesn't start with connections?
Beginning Delicate Aptitudes
The business network will, in general, belittle delicate abilities, though they
are complements to hard aptitudes; best case scenario. A changeless change
in perspective is important on the off chance that you need to benefit as much
as possible from your associations, not to mention this book. Delicate
aptitudes, for example, sympathy and compassion drive hard abilities, for
example, programming, tasks, and structure to an uncommon adequacy.
How? Delicate abilities interface hard aptitudes to operational profitability,
hierarchical cooperative energy, and business significance since all require
sound human duty. Does the hard-gifted supervisor who sits in grand
indefinite quality reigning over his reports trump the hard-talented
administrator who strolls among his kin, who is known, seen, and regarded
by his kin? While the previous may win some accomplishment by pressuring
him into action for a period, his impact is lethally imperfect since his capacity
isn't presented on him by his kin. His impact is just a facade of influence with
a short timeframe of realistic usability. In his book Wrecked, corporate
analyst Tim Irwin subtleties the defeat of six prominent Presidents in the
course of the most recent decade. Each destruction was activated by the
official's failure to associate with workers on a substantial, significant level.
As such, every wrecking was the aftereffect of a hard aptitude surplus
combined with a delicate ability deficiency, corporate wise, a less convincing
impact. What's more, such failings are no less our own. Theirs were open, yet
our own are regularly as obvious. We lose the confidence of friends,
relatives, and others when we pursue the means of social accomplishment
without nourishing the substance of the connections, the estimating and
meeting of human needs.
What makes such a large number of benevolent individuals fail to understand
the situation? Maybe the ethereal idea of delicate aptitudes drives us off
track. We can lean singularly on what is quantifiable. Hard aptitudes can be
tried, educated, and moved. Most business books are composed in view of
this since we can pinpoint hard aptitude progress—independently and
corporately—with diagrams, measurements, and reports. Not so of delicate
aptitudes. They can be hard to diminish to steps. They are regularly untidy
and just roughly quantifiable through better reactions and improved
connections. However, aren't these the best estimations of all? What great is a
rundown of achievements in the event that they have prompted social
relapse? At the point when any advancement is bookended without anyone
else advancement and guilty pleasure, it won't last. From a minor perspective,
do we keep friends or companions whose activities normally show the
relationship is about them? At the point when we become familiar with an
individual's conduct that has an ulterior thought process, he has less impact
with us than somebody we've met just once. The relationship is bound except
if he admits and rolls out an improvement. And, after it’s all said and done, a
buildup of incredulity will remain.
On an enormous scale, do we stay faithful to brands that consistently exhibit
either a powerlessness or a reluctance to grasp our needs and wants? Gone
are the days when most organizations tell purchasers what they need. We live
in a day when purchasers hold the lion's share on configuration, assembling,
and showcasing choices. "Practicing environmental awareness" was before a
little, good-natured promotion crusade for a bunch of items. The aggregate
customer voice has made it a required promoting mantra. People and
organizations heartless toward delicate expertise achievement come up short
today. Some demand you can't show delicate ability senses. It is valid on the
off chance that you approach delicate abilities with a hard expertise strategy.
Philanthropic impulses ascend to the surface, not from astute bit by bit
procedure; however, from the practicing of center wants. At the point when
we carry on in manners that we become a close acquaintance with and
decidedly impact others, we tap a more profound well of motivation and
means. Designed into us all is the longing for legitimate correspondence; to
comprehend and be comprehended. Past that, for real association, to be
known, acknowledged, and esteemed. Past that still, for fruitful joint effort, to
cooperate toward significant accomplishment, be it business achievement,
corporate triumph, or social life span. The delegated pith of accomplishment
lies along a range between bona fide human association (winning new
friends) and significant, dynamic effect (influencing individuals). "
How can one access these heartfelt aptitudes that power successful
correspondence, important association, and dynamic joint effort? We should
initially recollect that the present social victories are not estimated on the size
of media which ones to utilize and what number of social media friends, fans,
or devotees one can gather. They are estimated on the size of importance.
Become important in your cooperation and the way to achievement in any
undertaking is more straightforward and unmistakably increasingly feasible.
The explanation? Individuals take note. Individuals recollect. Individuals are
moved when their collaborations with you generally leave them somewhat
better. Which means, you must manage the viability of each medium. When
you have something important to offer, you would then be able to pick the
most capable media for your undertaking. In any case, when you put the
medium before the significance, your message is in threat of turning out to
be, in the expressions of Shakespeare's Macbeth, "a story, told by a nitwit,
loaded with sound and anger, meaning nothing." The approach of tweets and
notices, while giving advantageous approaches to keep friends, family, and
associates on track, have made an assault of such solid and rage. However, it
isn't just the messages going out at 140 characters or less that are in danger of
implying nothing. Any medium conveying a message that needs significance
will miss the mark concerning its aim: a TV promotion, an official notice, a
customer email, a birthday card.
 CONCLUSION
Thank you for making it through to the end of Influence People, let’s hope it
was informative and able to provide you with all of the tools you need to
achieve your goals whatever they may be.

The next step is to apply the different tips that you have learned about
making friends and gaining influence in the digital age. But, while at it, it is
important to note that, having friends who only are only interested in what
you like limits your learning and growth opportunities. You may be surprised
to discover that the person you initially thought would not make a good
friend because they have different interests could be the best and supportive
friend. As we age, we tend to derive our happiness from experiencing and
learning new things. A new friend who has different life experiences would
be perfect at fulfilling this. But how do you make this happen? As discussed
in the preceding chapters, it starts with you being receptive and open-minded
when interacting with new people.
Once you meet someone and like them, there is a possibility of building
friendships. But this is determined by your friend winning skills and friend
keeping skills. To become the ideal friend, think about the traits and qualities
you would like in a friend and strive to develop that. It is as simple as being
the kind of friend you would want someone to be to you. There are a number
of ways to develop and master this, as discussed in the book. However, it is
advisable to keep learning, especially on such an open and somewhat
controversial topic. Go through different lifestyle and relationship blogs, read
more books on the subject, and engage friends in candid discussions about
the same both online and offline.
Chat rooms and forums are a perfect place to learn more since you chat with
different people, some of whom could experts in the subject. This emphasizes
the need to be open-minded and ready to learn despite the nature of the
interaction you are having with people. This also ensures that you understand
how to address different personalities without sounding offensive. In turn,
you gain much influence among people because you somewhat understand
each of them despite their differences. Above all, you build a versatile
network of friends.
To make new friends who have different interests, you must be open to do
new things. To build a relationship with such people in your life, especially
during adulthood, you must be ready for the kind of friend they would want
to have. As aforementioned, sometimes it could be as simple as being the
friend you would want to have. This may not be as easy as it was when
younger at the playground, but it is not as hard as you imagine. It is also very
possible and worth it in the long run. Therefore, make it a point to apply a
good percentage of what you have learned from this book to be a better
friend, win new friends and influence the people around you as well as within
your reach.

Finally, if you found this book useful in any way, a review on Amazon is
always appreciated!
 EMOTIONAL
INTELLIGENCE
Science and Practice of EQ to Leading Change,
Influence People, Develop Your Leadership and
Build Strong Relationships.
 INTRODUCTION
Congratulations on purchasing Emotional Intelligence and thank you for
doing so.

The following chapters will discuss what it means to possess emotional

intelligence and how you can apply emotional intelligence every day with the
aim of developing strong leadership skills, relationships and help people
grow by influencing them positively. It gives a step by step description of
how a person can develop emotional intelligence and apply it effectively at
work and home in a bid to accommodate the people around them despite their
unique character traits.
The book further explains the importance of emotional intelligence at
ensuring personal success, bringing up emotionally strong children and
cultivating emotionally strong relationships both at a romantic and social
level. It is the ultimate blueprint for anyone in need of developing their
emotional intelligence for use in everyday life events whether positive or
negative. Therefore, if you want to understand whey leadership at work and
in our homes determines the success or an organization and family unit
respectively, read on.
Emotional intelligence has for long been viewed as a skill for the social elite
people or the lucky few in the society. However, it is an important life skill
that anyone can develop if they are dedicated. The mere reason that
emotional intelligence helps us get along with the people around us by
understanding their emotions; depicts that society could be better if we all
developed emotional intelligence skills. But since not everyone has the
patience or dedication to learn, the duty of ensuring that people are
influenced positively for better leadership, strong relationships and change is
left to the society and organizational leaders. It is up to the leaders to ensure
that people become emotionally sensitive to other people’s ideas and feelings
by being emotionally intelligent and portraying emotional intelligence skills.
The society learns from its leaders and they follow the examples set by their
leaders whether good or bad.

There are plenty of books on this subject on the market, thanks again for
choosing this one! Every effort was made to ensure it is full of as much
useful information as possible, please enjoy!
 CHAPTER 1: WHAT IS
EMOTIONAL
INTELLIGENCE?
Emotional intelligence is the general ability that enables one to identify and
manage their emotions as well as those of other people. In practical terms,
emotionally intelligent people are usually able to know that emotions can
steer the way we behave and affect the people around us in so many ways,
either negatively or positively. In that effect, it calls for us to manage the
emotions of others and ours too, especially so, when we are under pressure.
When it comes to our individual emotions, emotional intelligence helps us to
recognize, understand and manage what we feel. Regarding the emotions of
other people; emotional intelligence will enable us to recognize, understand
and influence how they feel.

The three main skills that are associated with emotional intelligence usually
include emotional awareness. This is the general ability of someone to
identify and put a name to what they are feeling. Another one is someone’s
ability to make practical use of their emotions, in this way, they can apply
what they feel to a real-life problem and solve it, they can apply their
emotions to tasks that may need them to think and come up with a suitable
answer. The last skill is, emotional management, which is the ability of
someone to regulate their emotions when necessary and also, in case
someone around them needs help in doing so, they can be of help.

Though people have argued that emotional intelligence is not an actual

construct because it lacks a standard psychometric test to measure it; unlike
general intelligence, its daily application in various problems and experiences
makes it an undeniable necessity in our daily lives. From our relationships
and friendships to our interactions with colleagues at work, emotional
intelligence is of key importance. Over the years, so many emotional
intelligence tests have. Most organizations have made the emotional
intelligence tests a part and parcel of their interviewing and hiring process,
claiming that people who are emotionally intelligent are not only high
performers, but they also make good leaders. In a research done by Harvard
Business School, it was determined that for someone to be successful, their
emotional intelligence plays a role that is twice as important as both technical
skills and cognitive intelligence combined.

Some of the areas that may require emotional intelligence in our day to day
lives include; when one has to meet a tight deadline and you are under
pressure. In that situation, especially as a leader, you might pass on the
pressure to your juniors and end up hurting their feelings by how to talk to
them and how you react to them. When a relationship becomes hard, such a
situation will also call for a high level of emotional intelligence, since you
might react to the other person from the frustration of a failing relationship.
When emotional intelligence is applied, there is a high chance that both
parties will deal with their problems and get back to stability. It is impossible
to exhaust all the possible situations that will require us to apply emotional
intelligence, because indeed, it is a daily and needed tact.
 ASSESSING YOUR
EMOTIONAL
INTELLIGENCE
Unlike general intelligence, emotional intelligence does not have a standard
test done for it. However, different people over the years have come up with
ways in which people can assess their emotional intelligence and that of other
people. Some of the key areas that are usually addressed in these tests
include; one’s ability to identify not only their emotions but also, those of
other people. Secondly, using emotions is also looked at in these tests, which
assess a person’s ability to generate and use an emotion, by reasoning with it.
Understanding emotions is also a major part of most of these tests. Here, an
individual to understand emotions that are significantly complex, and the
chains that form them are addressed. In addition, the ability to understand
how emotions change and transition from one to a different one is also looked
into. The ability of an individual to manage their own emotions and also
those of other people is also a major testing point for emotional intelligence.
Different organizations come up with some structured questions that help
them in assessing the emotional intelligence of an individual while on the
other hand, individuals can carry out own assessment by looking at different
factors.

How an individual think about emotion is a good point of assessment.

Different situations in life will spark different emotions from our core. Some
may be clear for us to name while others are more complex and beyond what
we can explain. For example, if you are faced with a situation where you lose
your loved one, it will be straightforward to tell that you feel sad. However,
when you have been in a straining relationship with your spouse and they ask
you for a divorce, it could be hard to tell what it is that you feel. The
emotions may change either at once or in a sequence. In such a situation, you
might be required to keep naming your emotions as they change. There has
been no debate as to whether people who are able to manage their emotions
are happier than those who are unable since this proposal has attracted a
universal agreement. However, people miss out on the fact that an
individual's ability to differentiate their feelings is related to their ability to
manage those feelings. A study carried out by Lissa Barret and her colleagues
indicated that people who broadly classify emotions as good and bad have a
low ability to manage those emotions. This, therefore, showed the
significance of being able to break down what someone feels to nuances. It
has also been proven in research by Matthew D. Lieberman that an
individual’s ability to put to expression what they feel causes a change in the
amygdala, a part of the brain, which causes a lowering of reactivity. In
assessing how well you are able to talk about your feeling, you could use a
few questions to guide your assessment. They include; are you the type of
person that avoids talking about what they feel? How your ability to make a
subtle distinction between emotions that seems close, yet they are different,
for example, between embarrassment and shame or, anger and frustration?
When you are good at making these distinctions, your behavior will be more
emotionally intelligent as compared to when you are unable to do so.

What amount of emotional clarity do you possess? When you have emotional
clarity, you are not only able to differentiate between close but different
emotions, but also, you are able to tell the source of the effect that you could
be experiencing. For this skill, one has to have a high reflection ability. When
one is able to see what caused a certain emotion, they are able to control their
choices and actions. When one has a high level of emotional clarity, they are
able to match causes and effect as well as anticipate the responses.

How is your emotional management skill? In assessing this, you could look at
the effects that negative emotions have on you. Do they slow you down in
whatever thing you are doing or even stop you from doing what you ought to
be doing? If not, do they show in the results of everything that you do after
feeling them? Also, do you keep the negative emotions stuffed in the inside?
If either of these options happens to you, you are a state-oriented person and
there is more to improve on as far as your emotional management is
concerned. Contrary, if you look at the negative emotions in the eye each
time, they happen without trying to sweep them under the carpet, you are an
action-oriented individual and your emotional management skills are
somewhere. In assessing your management level, it is critical that you are
able to tell how well you can cope. In this, you should pay close attention to
how negative emotions affect you. Are you an action or a state-oriented
person and in by being able to tell this, be honest in your assessment of how
well or badly you think you manage your emotions and look for areas that
you can improve on.

How do you manage your moods? Unlike emotions which are definite and
one can easily trace where they came from, moods are just sudden changes
that happen, without anyone knowing where they are coming from or for how
long they are going to last. If one has no watch on their moods, a single bad
feeling can be escalated into a significant drama if a small irritant dare to
cross our paths. In this way, we should familiarize ourselves more with our
moods and check on how they affect how we behave. In this way, we are able
to say much about our emotional intelligence. Being still and giving yourself
to introspection will help you come up with the reason why you are feeling
the way you are, and also, be in a better position to manage it. The higher our
level of emotional intelligence, the higher our ability to manage common
stress and allow ourselves to feel pleasure.

How do you manage and look at failure. Most companies use this question in
their hiring process, often framed in a way that requires the candidate to
describe a situation in which they did something and failed and how they
reacted to that. This way, your emotional intelligence is assessed by your
reaction to things, when they do not turn out as you had planned them. Also,
an individual’s ability to take responsibility when things do not turn out well,
without blaming somebody else or the prevailing circumstances at the time is
proof of emotional intelligence. Though there may be some prevailing
external circumstances that may lead to one failing in a pre-planned
endeavor, an individual is considered emotionally intelligent if they can take
full responsibility and be willing to be held accountable. Additionally,
emotionally intelligent people are bold and confident in bouncing back after a
failure without getting defensive. They allow themselves to assess the
situation in a fair view, without being harsh to themselves or allowing
themselves to get frustrated.

How do you deal with criticism? This is a huge base for assessing your level
of emotional intelligence. Being emotionally intelligent does not mean that
you do not feel bad when for example you face criticism. You feel the
emotions like any other person, but the response is usually different, since it
is done from a point of levelheadedness and a clear focus of the facts at hand.
Emotionally intelligent people do not take criticism personally, and
regardless of how harsh it may be, they do not allow it to destroy their sense
of self-worth.

How do you handle conflict? Conflict is all around us. From our families to
our work relationships, we have to go through daily conflict. A conflict tests
all the four key areas of an emotionally intelligent person. These are; the
ability to understand and manage one’s personal emotions and the ability to
be empathetic and handle the other peoples’ emotions. When you experience
a conflict, self-awareness allows you to feel and be able to tell what it is that
you are feeling about the conflict. Emotional management allows you to
move past the differences and be able to map a way that leads to resolving the
conflict. Social awareness allows you to be able to tell the other person's
point of view, what motivates them and what their challenge is. Your social
skills in a relationship are what enable you to mend the relationship with the
other person and move past your differences. Careful and honest review of
how you deal with conflict will tell you much about your emotional
intelligence level.

How do you handle communication challenges? For example, if you are

presenting on something and your audience keeps interrupting you with
questions, do you easily get angered or frustrated or do you try to change
your mode of delivery and simplify the concepts? Are you able to read cues
when your audience's attention is shifting? If yes, then this is a high level of
emotional intelligence.
 BEHAVING LIKE AN
EMOTIONALLY
INTELLIGENT PERSON
Emotional intelligence has become a more looked at psychological topic in
the recent age. From organizations to school, the essence of emotional
intelligence as a key ingredient to success has become undeniable.
Thankfully, emotional intelligence is dynamic and can be learned. If you
have found yourself in the past being unable to recognize and manage your
own emotions as well as empathize and influence the motions of others, you
can learn to do so by embracing behaviors and actions of more emotionally
intelligent people.

Paying attention to your emotions. This forms the basic part of emotional
intelligence, which is generally, being self-aware. When you are feeling
different emotions and moods washing over you, are you able to stop and
recognize them, paying attention to how they change and the streams of
mood swings that they bring along? Closely related to this is the ability to
recognize your emotions, is being able to tell what other people feel.
Empathy is an important part of emotionally intelligent people as this
enhances interactions with people at home, colleagues at the workplace in
school or even stranger. Being able to recognize what other people feel will
help you respond appropriately.

Emotional regulation. Being able to tell what you feel is important but if you
cannot practically apply that knowledge in a situation you are in, then that
rules out your emotional intelligence capability. Being able to control what
you feel not by stuffing emotions but by allowing yourself to feel every
single one of them without letting them rule your actions is a behavior
portrayed by people with high levels of emotional intelligence. Stopping
before you can act on what you feel is an important part of improving in this
area.

How is your motivation? Emotionally intelligent people set goals that are not
necessarily comfortable for them to achieve but ones that are going to allow
them to take a leap of faith and belief in themselves. This does not mean that
they do not experience fear when they are taking on a new adventure,
however, they have made it a habit to keep focused on their set goals and to
manage the fear that they feel inside. Instead of viewing changes in life as an
entirely bad thing, they keep hoping that these changes are going to propel
them into becoming better people and getting closer to their set goals.

Emotional intelligent people have great social skills. Their relationships and
interactions are usually motivated by their need to become better people
through the interaction and also, help the other person become better. Partly
due to their ability to recognize and manage their own feelings and partly due
to their ability to recognize the feelings of other people, they end up having
very successful interactions with other people.

Emotionally intelligent people are not only aware of their feelings but they
are able to express them in an appropriate way. An appropriate way may
mean that you are working on making things better than they turned out if,
for example, you are frustrated. A typical example of what would make up an
inappropriate expression of emotions would be bursting out and yelling at
your spouse after having a bad day at work or just releasing your frustration
to everyone that dares talk to you or raise the least amount of irritation. O the
other hand, you could opt for a more appropriate reaction, where you step by
step explain to your spouse what happened during the day and what your
expectations were. Alternatively, you can do your normal tension reliever
activities for example if reading a good book works for you or, going for a
walk, you could do that in order to get rid of the thing that you are feeling
inside. In that way, you will be in a better position to analyze the day’s
happenings objectively and come up with a plan to make the coming days
better.

Emotionally intelligent people are able to correctly identify the emotional

triggers. When for example you are feeling angry at someone, it could be that
the pressure from work is the reason why you feel angry at them and not
really their actions towards you. Being able to tell the underlying cause of
what you feel not only helps in correcting and managing your emotions, but
also, it helps in responding appropriately.

Curiosity, emotionally intelligent people have no special talents compared to

other people all they do is lookout for new things, develop an interest in
learning and acquiring knowledge. Curiosity creates an inner passion to want
to become the best version of yourself. This continued attitude towards
wanting to grow and learn something affects the overall ability of an
individual wanting to grow. In general, one without knowing becomes better
at their relationships with others and with themselves, qualities that are only
possessed by highly emotionally intelligent individuals.

Savvy emotional intelligent individuals are analytical to any set of new

information that comes to their attention. They think deeply and they
continually give themselves in analyzing the old ways of doing things to see
if there is a way they can improve or come up with an easier way of doing
things and achieving better results. They are excellent at problem-solving.
Emotionally intelligent people are not comfortable with the status quo, the
question the ‘why’ behind their existence and also, they challenge the ‘why’
behind the way we do things. They are committed to living a virtuous and
productive life. They are open and flexible enough for new ideas and they are
given to improving their lives and that of others in general.

Emotionally intelligent people are able to tell the difference between needs
and wants. Needs are the basic things of life, that we cannot do without, they
are essential for our survival for example food. On the other hand, wants are
things that bring us pleasure, but we can ideally do without them. They add
luxury to our lives. Being able to tell apart needs and wants enables
emotionally intelligent individuals to be able to meet their needs first before
wants.
Finally, regardless of where you are at on your emotional intelligence scale,
you can seek to improve by embracing actions that boost your emotional
intelligence levels.
 THINKING LIKE AN
EMOTIONALLY
INTELLIGENT PERSON
There are a couple of actions and thoughts that shows that someone is
emotionally intelligent. Regardless of where one is at the emotional
intelligence spectrum, they can always improve and be better. Thinking like
an emotionally intelligent person requires that you think about feelings.
Everyone experiences different emotions when faced with a different
situation. However, for the emotionally intelligent people, they not only
allow themselves to feel the emotions, but they think about them. They
recognize their emotions as well as those of other people. There are some
specific questions that can be useful in the evaluation and reflection of a
person’s emotional intelligence. For example, taking time to think and jot
down what your emotional strengths are and being honest about identifying
your emotional weaknesses. Also, being able to tell how your current and
different mood affect the way you behave and react to issues is essential.
Also sparking thoughts around what could be going on beneath the surface to
affect the way you feel and the way you act is an important aspect of
emotional intelligence. Being able to answer these questions fairly and
honestly offer greats insight to look into and improve on your emotional
intelligence.

Emotions are always changing and therefore, it becomes really dangerous for
one to make some permanent or especially significant decisions that are
likely to affect their entire lives based on a feeling that is going to change
emotionally intelligent people think about the pace at which things are
moving and they are able to slow themselves down in the middle of a
spinning circumstance. These people are not afraid to give a second thought
to something or even boldly request some more time to think about it. Also,
they are able to steer the wheels of their thoughts concerning what they feel.
Everyone experiences emotions whether positive or negative, but the
distinction comes in when emotionally intelligent people control their
thoughts towards what they feel. In this way, it helps them manage their
emotions in a way that will be beneficial to them and that will not negatively
affect other people. By taking control of their thought processes, emotionally
intelligent people are able to live in consistency with their goals and dreams
even in the face of bad happenings.

Emotionally intelligent people do not take criticism personally. They like to

think of every feedback as a chance for them to learn and become better.
Instead of thinking of criticism as unfair, unfounded, and personal, they learn
and they take it as an opening through which they can into the world of other
people and how they think. Through this feedback, they are able to strategize
and formulate ways to move forward from that point on and become better
people and leaders. They look for growth opportunities in every area that has
been mentioned in the criticism and as a result, they are able to survive
something that was meant to bring them down or destroy their self-worth. For
them, failure is not a personal thing but a possible outcome in their
undertakings. They are able to see their performance and themselves to
separate and independent entities. In this way, their poor performance does
not hurt their personal motivation to do better next time, neither does their
good performance puff their ego to trample on other people who are below
them. Additionally, due to how they view feedback as a tool to be used to
improve one’s performance and not to destroy one’s emotions, they think of
the most appropriate way to give feedback and their gentle at it, without
mincing words or hurting other people.

Emotionally intelligent people value authenticity in creating faces. There are

times one really screws up and all they can think of, is coming up with a lie
so that they can cover up the mess. For the emotionally intelligent, regardless
of how ugly things might be, they think of authenticity as being of a higher
value. They know that they are not supposed to tell their private dealings to
everyone, and they are good at carrying out an evaluation of the people who
matter and who need an explanation for what could be happening in their
lives. In their conversations, they do not always agree with the other people
but that to them is not viewed as a con. They seek to understand and think
through the opposing side. Instead of judging and being critical about the
differences, they are deeply interested in understanding the other person’s
point of view. In this way, emotionally intelligent people have deep and
better-connected relationships. They think of ways in which they can build up
people who are around them. They think through the positive things in other
people, make it a habit to appreciate people for the specific things that they
do well, and in that way, they make better leaders and build trust with people
in the process. Everyone has a point where they err and end up acting in a
way that hurts other people. This is also true for the emotionally intelligent.
When they do, they apologize regardless of whether they are leaders
apologizing to their juniors. They think of apologizing as a way of building
trustworthy relationships rather than as a way of hurting their ego. The most
attractive thing about them is that at times, they apologize when things go
wrong, regardless of whether they participated in making them go wrong. For
them, the relationships they build with other people is usually more important
than their ego or their status. Emotionally intelligent people have a different
outlook on forgiveness. Other than viewing it as an ego destroying ordeal,
they look at it as their own healing pills. They forgive and let go so that they
can live emotionally free again even after being hurt.

Emotional intelligent people view life as a journey and never as a destination.

They never arrive on their journey of growing into more emotionally
intelligent people. They know that there are people who are likely to take
advantage of them and use their emotional stability to drive their personal
agenda. As a result, they keep looking for ways to improve.
 FEELING LIKE AN
EMOTIONALLY
INTELLIGENT PERSON
Emotional intelligence is not a definite town where one can arrive at and brag
of knowing all the street corners, and the minor details of it all. It is a
horizon, we keep chasing after it until death do us part with the chase. No
matter how emotionally intelligent we feel, we have to keep looking for ways
to improve and become better at it. Feeling like an emotionally intelligent
person is a journey of daily actions geared towards improvement and
becoming the best version of ourselves. This can be achieved by practicing
self-awareness. When you want to get better at something, the basic step is to
recognize what that thing is, not only surface knowledge but the depths and
in between of it all. Trying to manage your emotions without really knowing
who you are is an impossible endeavor. You will get driven by the overflow
of different emotions from left to right and before you know it, you are totally
overwhelmed. Understanding yourself goes on in three different levels which
include; knowing what you are doing, knowing how you feel about what you
are doing and the last one which always proves to be the hardest one is trying
to figure out what you do not know about yourself. Sometimes we may
assume that we know what we are doing but today’s world sets most people
on autopilot, they have a list of routine things that they do every single day.
Taking intentional steps towards self-awareness and finding out what we
want to do and shutting down all the outside noise is an important aspect of
improving our self-awareness. Taking time alone without your phone or the
TV will help a long way in this step. Putting a daily meditation schedule
helps you interact with the world around you. Though these are at times very
scary steps, you will realize that always having a distraction either in form of
your phone or anything always puts you away from coming into contact with
real day to day emotions that we are supposed to be facing.

After paying attention to your feelings, it may be shocking to realize what

you actually feel about so many people in your life. It may bring you to some
root cause of your problems, for example, you might realize that an addiction
you usually have is a way of running away from an emotion that you feel
daily, for example, anxiety. When you get to learn what you feel, do not be
too hard on yourself, know that people everywhere experience those same
emotions, do not make the situation even worse by being stressed out by what
could be the cause of such emotions. At this point, you are able to dig into the
deep root triggers of your emotions making them easier to manage.

Knowing your emotions alone will not make you feel like an emotionally
intelligent person. However, it is when you are faced with a real hot issue and
your emotions are boiling down and you manage to handle that situation with
grace and an attitude that will not fracture any relationship, or leaving either
you or the people around you feel bad, then at that, you can feel that you are
emotionally intelligent. Emotions are usually the internal signals that are
meant to divert our attention to something that is happening. Therefore, some
people have said that there are no such things as bad and good emotions, all
there is are good and bad reactions to the emotions. For example, people have
said that anger is a bad emotion. However, there have been people who have
channeled their anger into important courses in society such as correcting
something that has been done wrong or, correcting a certain injustice. In this
way, we are brought to the point of channeling our emotions in a constructive
way. Being able to channel your emotions in a way that directs you into
achieving your goals leaves you feeling like an emotionally intelligent
person.

Learning to motivate yourself makes you feel like an emotionally intelligent

person and indeed by doing so, you are intelligent. When you sit around
without beginning to do something, you will often find that you will not end
up doing it, because most of the time, the motivation we need is the activity
that we do not feel like beginning. All you do is begin and then, motivation
will build and you will begin enjoying whatever you are doing somewhere in
the middle of the activity. As you take on the task, allow yourself to feel both
the negative and the positive emotions that come with it and in that way, you
will be able to feel better than the negative emotions did not stop you and that
you rode on the positive emotions to get things done.

Building healthy and meaningful relationships are also another important way
of feeling like an emotionally intelligent person. Relationships are interesting
testing grounds, mainly because, you will not find two people with the same
life views. As a result, there could be disagreement arising and also, the fact
that no one is perfect and the people that you would like to please the most
through relationships get to see through your flaws the most through regular
interactions. Being able to work through these differences and cultivate
authentic relationships without the fear of being seen for who we are is an
important exercise to our emotional intelligence muscles. When we are able
to walk through a stormy wave that seemed destructive to our relationship but
ends up building stronger and more connected, we feel prouder of ourselves
and more emotionally intelligent.

Cultivating personal values and being able to build personal boundaries and
respect other peoples’ boundaries without manipulation is also another way
in which we can feel emotionally intelligent. Every day, we walk around,
work with and live with people that do not understand our values and when
we dare explain, they cannot make sense of why anyone would live by such
values. As a result, being able to remain undaunted in terms of standing for
what you believe in is important in helping you feel like an emotionally
intelligent person.
 CHAPTER 2: THE
ESSENTIALS OF
EMOTIONAL
INTELLIGENCE
The Science Behind Emotional Intelligence
People would be tempted to think that emotions are purely influenced by the
heart. However, researchers have found out that emotions are also caused by
the biochemistry of the brain. People in management, neuroscience,
medicine, evolution, and psychology have all agreed that the brain is a
significant part when it comes to emotions. When emotional signals are
generated in the brain, the result is that they end up being felt in the whole
body. The impulse travels to the head, to the heart, to the gut and all the other
parts of the body that the emotion is felt. If we are in a position to read these
sensations of the brain, then we are better placed at making decisions and
initiating any actions.

Scientists believe that the limbic system which composes of the amygdala,
hippocampus and some other structures that are found in the middle of our
brains are the ones that are responsible for our emotions. It is this limbic
system that is charged with the responsibility of storing every single
experience that we have since the beginning of life. Before we can acquire
the verbal expression or even a higher ability to think, our experiences are
stored in the limbic, unexpressed. Later in life, these stored feelings are
emotions are the ones that provide a reference point and the context for what
we feel. Message impulses travel from the brain through an impulse that is
electric through the help of neurons. In addition, there have been recent
discoveries of chemicals in our system that help in transmitting impulses
throughout our bodies. These chemicals, are known as peptides, and they
have receptors in every of our body cells. These chemical transmitters are
said to be the chemical composition of our emotions and they keep an
emotional memory in our entire lives. These peptides are the ones that carry
the emotions from our brains to all the other body parts that we feel hem in
since our brains are usually interconnected with all of the other body parts.

Evolutionists explain the science of emotion from the very evolution of the
brain. Initially, the early man had a brainstem which is basic for human
survival. It controls the major functions such as our breathing and our
heartbeats. This brain is in many ways similar to that of the reptiles. It is
located just above the human spinal cord. Though it functions automatically
and is responsible for reflex action, we can summon it to awareness. From
this first brain, evolutionists have come to believe that the limbic brain which
is also referred to as the emotional brain developed. It is responsible for
warehousing our experiences and from them, we are able to learn how to
respond. The limbic system is usually centrally located and all the other
bodily sensations that we experience as a result of an emotional situation
stem from there.
From our limbic system, there stems the thin cortex or the thinking brain. It is
the cortex that enables us to understand any sensory information and make
plans. The outer layer of the cortex facilitates higher thinking. Symbolic
communications and other aspects such as arts and planning for a long-term
course of action stems from this part of the brain. There are so many
interconnections between the thinking and the limbic brain and they all allow
the transfer of information between these two brain layers.

The three layers of our brains play different roles each, facilitating what we
feel. The first brain is the one that gives us experience with the world around
us. It stimulates our automatic responses and through the nerves, our skins,
and the pores, we are able to interact with the world around us. It is basic in
the recognition of impulses and passing them down to the other two higher-
level brains. Learning for this part of the brain is achieved through avoidance,
repetition, and imitation continuously until it becomes part of an individual’s
habits. Most of the information that enters this part of our brain is
unconscious, but scientists have proven that we could pay a little more
attention to it and make it beneficial to us.
The second layer of the brain is what we refer to as the emotional brain or the
limbic system. This one is important in guiding our preferences, we are able
to know what things we can approach and what we can avoid. Through life
experiences, we are able to gather a lot of information and experiences and
ideally, these shapes the way we react to issues. This accumulated
information is known as intuition. If you compare a thirteen-year-old to a
forty-year-old, the level of intuition in the forty-year-old is higher, since they
have accumulated a good deal of life experiences to help them make
decisions and interpret a situation for what it is. It has been proven that, if we
learn to make a good interpretation of the clues that stem from this stored
experience and make the right interpretation, we are more likely to make
better choices. Unfortunately for most people, we have been taught to ignore
the information that stems from our limbic system.

The final layer is the rational brain which is also known as the neocortex.
Between it and the emotional brain are millions of connections, allowing the
thinking and the emotional brain to influence each other in multiple ways.
The rational brain is charged with responsibilities such as; questioning,
making plans, generation, and initiation of new ideas and of making
decisions. The wide range of information provided by the limbic helps the
rational brain in making conclusions, initiating actions, and drawing
conclusions.

Emotional responses are faster immeasurably than the thinking responses and
over the course of human evolution, they have proven to be really helpful.
Especially when you need to escape from an especially dangerous situation,
the emotional response will get you out before your thinking brain can
process the signal that is coming in. Though compared to the early man we
face fewer dangers today and survival threats are way lesser, the limbic brain
helps us to process what is happening within our surroundings and we are
able to take action from there. When we choose to ignore the data that is
stored up in our emotional brains, we have very little information left for us
to help us in making choices and the right decisions. From evolutionary
science, it is clear that emotional responses are not a new development rater,
it is a primitive thing that has been hard-wired throughout human existence.
This can be proven through the universality that exists in the facial
expressions of basic emotions across different cultures in the world.
The medical sector also has come up with suggestions that shows us how our
brains are interconnected with our emotions. This has been shown by
suggestions such as prefrontal lobotomy, which involves the removal of the
brain section that interconnects the emotional and cognitive brains. This was
suggested to be a cure for a range of mental illnesses. The treatment worked
in terms of relieving the emotional distress in an individual, however, there
was a downside to it, in that, the emotional life of the individual on whom the
procedure had been performed on was destroyed completely for life, they
could not feel any emotions, good or bad, neither could they express
emotions. This made them appear lifeless.

Health experts have also said that if the limbic brain is removed from an
individual either due to an illness or, if it gets injured, an individual is likely
to lose feelings since they will not have any emotional memory stored up. For
such an individual it is impossible for them to have any form of relationship
since they will lose the memory of their friends and relatives too. Making
decisions for them is disabled since our decisions are usually steered by the
memory of past experiences and probable outcomes for our choices. If the
amygdala is removed from an animal, they lose a lot of emotionally
connected things and actions such as their need to compete, fear, rage and
also, their desire to cooperate. There is proof from the medical field that the
amygdala, is highly involved in controlling our passions and how we feel.
Another amazing conclusion from the medical field on the interconnection
between our emotions and the brain is the biofeedback process. This is done
by merging the first brain, with the thinking brain and the limbic brain. This
process is used in curing some chronic illnesses, and how this is achieved is
by changing the cellular parts and the bodily system functions are improved.

Management science is also another field that has invested a lot in learning
about emotions and emotional intelligence. This is because of some
organizational functions such as leadership, taking part in a team effectively,
giving and being able to receive feedback all stem from being emotionally
intelligent.
 BECOMING AWARE OF
YOUR EMOTIONS
Being aware of our emotions is one of the important components of
emotional intelligence. When you are able to tell what you feel, then you are
able to control what you feel. Some of the ways in which we can become
aware of our emotions is taking note of your different emotions and naming
them appropriately. Most of the time, you will find that we do not pay
attention to what we feel, we either try to stuff our emotions or generalize
them into either the bad or good category. However, becoming emotionally
aware of ourselves requires that we listen to what we are feeling and give the
appropriate name to it. For example, most people are not able to tell apart
when they feel sad and when they feel frustrated. When you sit down and
quietly evaluate what you feel, then you will be able to tell apart when you
are feeling two different things that may seem close when we generalize our
feelings. Another way of doing this is by building a list of emotional
vocabulary, where you try to name as many emotions that you are aware of as
possible. A way that you can easily and successfully achieve this is by
picking each letter of the alphabet and trying to name an emotion that begins
with it. That way, you will come with a list of so many emotions.

Keep track of one emotion. When you are able to realize a single emotion,
tracking it will enhance your ability to recognize every other emotion that
you feel. For example, if you feel excited in the morning, you can write down
that specific emotion or take a mental note. Break the emotion down to the
likely cause of it, where you are at when feeling that specific emotion and
who you are with. That way, you will be able to comprehend more about
what you are feeling. This explains the truth that emotions are just an
outward expression of something that is happening in our inner selves. They
are all triggered by something and when we pay keen attention to what we
feel, we can also know what makes us feel the way we do. This forms a very
good basis of emotional management, where, if you are dealing with a
negative emotion for example anger, you are able to tell apart whether you
are feeling angry because of something bad that has been said or done to you,
or it is just an outburst of the inner pressure that you have been accumulating
during the day or for some period of time. Also, when you are experiencing a
good emotion such as joy and you keep tracking it down, and every time you
realize that you experience it when you go to a certain place, then you will
most likely frequent that place when you need an experience of joy or calm to
your sadness. In addition, when you realize that every time you feel the joy
you are usually surrounded by a certain person or a group of people, you will
most likely make a meaningful connection with them because they make your
days brighter. Keeping an everyday journal of what someone feels helps a lot
in becoming aware of one’s emotion. You can create different pieces of art,
poems or song that express how you feel. Over time of doing this, you will
realize how much you are in touch with your emotions.

Allow yourself to feel. The general classification of good and bad emotions
leaves people feeling that they should try and get rid of the so-called bad
emotions and look for ways to feel good emotions more. However, when you
want to become more emotionally aware, you have to allow yourself to feel
whatever it is that your body is signaling. When you are caught up in a bad
emotion, sink in it and feel it without reacting, see to what extremes it takes
you. This ability to feel without stuffing and reacting to a bad emotion not
only builds our emotional awareness but also, expands our capacity to feel
good emotions. In the present day and age, there are so many things that can
distract us from feeling, from our mobile phones, to watching the TV or
getting into an addiction or a behavioral pattern. All you need to do in order
to build a high level of emotional awareness is to be set aside all these
distractions when you have an emotion to process and then, go back to your
normal business once you have taken it all in and brought yourself back to a
normal state of being.

Unearth any hidden issues. Due to the societal orientation that most of us got,
we have hidden issues in the deep places of who we are that when we try to
think about, they spark an emotion that we always want to run away from.
Some of these issues are the ones that inform our reaction to the day to day
experiences that we have. On our journey to self-awareness, we can list all
those triggering issues and challenge ourselves to process them. This process
will require being patient with yourself and avoid any need to be over them in
a split second, if you need more time for a specific issue, allow yourself the
extra time. Pick an issue at a time and try to work through it, feeling every
emotion that it brings along. Your mind, body, and will, shall need to
cooperate on a very high level. If you need to call some people for a talk or to
apologize for something, do it. Where you need to be honest with someone
for some probable pain, they caused you, go ahead. This process may be a
little bit more intense and when you feel overwhelmed, it is important that
you seek professional help. After this process, you will have awakened your
ability to feel and your emotional stability will be back. Advantageously, you
will have become more emotionally aware of yourself.

Center yourself. When you are trying to build your emotional awareness by
processing past experiences, you may be hit off balance by an issue that you
never paid attention and you are having to face it for the first time. Looking
for something that gives you the balance you need will help you from running
away from your ‘monsters.’ for example, some of the effective ways that you
can achieve this is by carrying out deep breathing exercises and encouraging
yourself by positive self-talk. When you take a deep breath and allow
yourself to relax, focusing on your breathing patterns, then slowly transition
your thoughts from the breath pattern to the triggering issue that you have
chosen, you will find that your attention will be more fixed, and your courage
will be increased. Also, positive self-talk can take the form of admitting that
something bad happened to you while growing up, but you survived it
anyway. Here, distinguish the bad occurrences that happened to you from
you, the fact that a bad thing happened to you does not mean that you are a
bad person. Such self-assurance allows you to feel whatever it is that you
have to feel, without blaming yourself for it or judging other people for it. At
this point, there is a very honest processing of emotion that happens, making
it easier to know what exactly made you feel the way you felt and how could
you deal with it the next time it happens other than sweeping it under the
carpet.

Take note of the sensation that a certain emotion brings and where you feel
the sensation. It is true, we might be aware of what we are feeling, for
example, anger but miss out on the sensation that this emotion brings in our
body. When for example we are trying to process different triggers, it is
important to stop and listen to the impulse that creates a trigger in our body.
Take note of any part of your body that makes even the slightest change, for
example, if your hands begin sweating or tears start rolling. Breathe deeply
through the triggers, avoiding as much as you can the temptation to stop the
sensation or fix the problem or the desperation to get over that moment. Place
your hands on the part that you feel the sensation and keep taking mental
notes. As you continue taking deep breaths through the generated impulses,
you may notice that the intensity may become lesser and lesser with each
breath. Take note of the secondary feeling that comes in handy with the
primary feeling that you are feeling. For example, if the major thing you feel
through a certain trigger is sadness, look into other secondary feelings that
come with it, for example, regret, shame, and others. List each of them and
go through them, each at a time. This will help you become aware of your
emotional patterns and the emotional sets that seem to come together as a
package. Though emotions are not predictable, you can use what you feel to
learn your triggers.
 HOW TO MANAGE YOUR
EMOTIONS
Everyone has the ability to feel and experience changing emotions, whether
good or bad. However, it is not everyone that has mastered the art of
managing their emotions and this creates a distinction between emotionally
intelligent people and those who are not. The good news is, regardless of
where you are at in your ability to manage your emotions, you can keep
improving when you intentionally pursue that path.

Stop, most emotional moments are never an emergency but people will make
it look like one. You do not have to react to something immediately. Give
yourself some time to process what happened. One of the characteristics of
emotions that should be our guiding light is the fact that they are temporal
and they are bound to change. You may be consumed in anger one minute
and ten minutes later, you are at ease with the person that made you so angry.
Therefore, it is important to avoid reacting when you are high on emotion
whether a bad or a good emotion. Take deep breaths and listen to your heart
pumping. Allow yourself to stabilize and your muscles to lose the tension.
Pay attention to your heart resuming to a normal heartbeat. What you tell
yourself in that moment is also equally important. Buy yourself into positive
self-talk, remind yourself the truth that whatever you feel is temporary. This
taking time will allow you to respond after the emotions have died down as
compared to react. If you were caught up in a bad emotion, for example,
anger towards a friend, you will save your relationship in this way, because
you will end up not saying hurtful words that you probably would have said
if you allowed yourself to react immediately. On the other hand, good
emotions such as happiness if not managed, may lead us into making
commitments that we will not fulfill. If for example, you are excited about a
party that has been planned by a group of friends, immediately committing to
be there may make you overlook the fact that you had a different
commitment to your diary set for that day. This may later lead you canceling
either of the commitment in leading to disappointing other people, something
that would have been avoided in the first place.

Find an outlet for your emotions. Bottling up of emotions is not only

unhealthy for your body and overall wellness, it is also harmful to the people
around you. When your emotional well is full, the overflow comes out not as
a quiet stream, but as an outburst. The people who are likely to suffer this
volcano eruption are those that are closest to you. Once you allow yourself to
feel an emotion fully, the next step should be to look for a way to let it out
immediately, so you will not have a chance of piling up unresolved issues.
Some of the ways that you can achieve is to look for a trustworthy friend or a
group of friends that can listen and offer insight. When someone is
independent of an issue for example, they are likely to offer helpful and
objective insight. For example, if you had a quarrel with a family member
and you open up to a person who has no attachment to either of you by blood,
most likely they will view the situation from both sides of the spectrum and
they will broaden your perspective on how you view the issue. In addition,
even if the person you approached had no advice to offer at all, them listening
to you as you recount your experiences will be enough healing for your soul.
Another way that you can let out what you are feeling is by writing down on
a piece of paper everything that you felt and every thought that crossed you
and as a result of the happening that sparked your emotion. This transfer of
emotions from your gut to a piece of paper can bring healing that you never
thought was possible. Another effective strategy is engaging your body in
physical exercises. Whether it is a walk, a run or vigorous activity such as
dancing and kickboxing, this helps divert your energy to something else that
is more constructive and it helps you channel your emotion in a way that is
healthy.

Allow yourself to see the silver lining surrounding your dark cloud of
emotions. Life in away has taught us that there is something good in
everything, but it is for us to choose whether we want to see the good in
everything or not. When we are processing good emotions, not so many
people question the essence of life at that point or the fairness of the world.
However, when a dark moment sets in, the reflex thing that happens in almost
everyone is to question the very power that holds us down, see the dark side
of life and everything bad in it. Though this pit is always in everyone’s
journey when we fall into it, there are people who choose to rise back up and
there are those that choose to sink deeper into the mud. The light that comes
into the pit is a reminder that there is something brighter when we get out.
Choosing to see a situation for the temporary nature that it is other than the
end of the beautiful life that we have can change how we feel about the
situation we are in and how we respond to it. Replacing our thought
processes is also a helpful way of managing our emotions. When we focus on
a negative feeling, it sparks thought after thought of negativity. However,
when we shift our focus from a problem that we faced and focus on a
possible solution to it, we begin to see the light and the possibility in it. We
can also choose to focus on something that makes us happy, or someone that
makes us happy, instead of pouring our whole focus on something bad that
happened to us.
 UNDERSTANDING THE
IMPORTANCE OF
EMPATHY
Empathy is an individual’s ability to be able to feel what the other person is
feeling. Ideally, someone is able to put themselves in the other person’s
position and try to imagine what they might be feeling. Different from feeling
sympathetic where an individual feels sorry for the other person, empathy
allows one to internalize the other person’s pain. In our social circles,
schools, organizations and other areas of our lives, empathy is important for
innumerable reasons.

It allows us to form genuine connections. People respond differently to life’s

difficult situations and therefore, trying to understand the other person’s
standpoint is important. Due to the nature of the relationship, there is a need
that the two parties show care for each other, tries to nurture each other and
this can only be done when there is a genuine concern for the other person’s
feelings. Relationships are bound to fail if one party keeps their interests
before the interests of the other person, or if they are insensitive to the feeling
of the other person. It is empathy that leads us into selecting carefully the
words that we use to address the people we care about. It is empathy that
guides us on how to respond when our loved ones are suffering. It is empathy
that leads us into paying attention when our loved ones need a listening ear.
When we are good at showing empathy at the people we love, it not only
shows them that we care for and love them, but also, it gives us a level of
satisfaction seeing them happy.

Negotiations, when we are trying to get to central point with people either in
our social circle or at the workplace, there is a certain degree of compromise
that is required. In addition, both parties need to try and understand the other
person’s point of view, failure to which, they will not come to an amicable
agreement. Mastering empathy helps us listen to the other person without
being quick to judge them or dismiss their point of view as ridiculous and, it
helps in maintaining a relationship and some respect even after the
negotiation. When you lack empathy, you will most likely become aggressive
during a negotiation, hurl insults at the other party, something that may
completely any possible later relationships. Empathy also shortens an
otherwise would be long process of coming to an agreement, because if both
parties are making genuine efforts to understand the other person’s point of
view, then it is likely that they will make compromises faster and willingly
come to an agreement.

Empathy helps in regulating our own emotions. When we keep stopping to

think about what it is like for the other person, and what they are likely to feel
if we do whatever it is that we are about to do, or say whatever that we want
to say, then in that way, we train ourselves to be in control of our own
emotion. For example, if someone broke your new iPhone and all you want to
do is to explode to them in anger, but then you stop and see the shock on their
face, you will most likely know that it was not intentional for them to do that,
and they feel the loss of what happened. Stopping prevents you from making
a reaction that was underway and, in that way, you are able to effectively
exercise your emotional regulation muscles.

Empathy promotes oneness and genuine concern for other people. When
someone is able to put themselves in the shoes of the other person, they will
most likely be open to offering them some form of help, whatever that may
look like. For example, if someone lost their loved ones, empathy will tell us
that those people need consolation and our time as well to help them in
processing the grief. In the workplace, when people are more empathetic,
productivity will most likely increase. This is because empathy allows
meaningful exchange of feedback between the employer and the employee,
which may lead to improvement. When an organization is given to shame as
a management tool, they will most likely offer feedback that will tear the
employees down when they do not reach the set goals. When the employees
are emotionally dilapidated, it is unlikely that they will improve their
performance. On the other hand, if the management and every other person
that is responsible for performance evaluation are empathetic, they will be
sensitive in how they give their employees' performance feedback and they
will ensure that they will not demotivate the employees in the process. In
addition, they will honestly seek to understand the possible reason for the
employees not hitting their targets and, in that way, they will likely come up
with a way of improving their performance leading to overall productivity.

Effective teamwork, like any other relationship, working in a team whether at

work or organizing a social function requires empathy. This is because for a
team to be effective, the people in it need to feel safe to be vulnerable and be
seen. When anyone within the teams feels threatened to being misjudged,
they might end up holding back the information that might have ended up
being the one to get things being done. The team members need to have
experienced empathy from the team members in order to be able to trust that
when they raise a point, they will be respected regardless of whether
everyone else agrees with them.

Interviewing for a job, this is a major one, because almost everybody in the
course of their lifetime will have to interview for a job. When a company is
advertising for a position, they have a need that they require to meet. When
the candidates come for the interviews, most people tend to show their
academic background, their experience, and their whole resume but fail to
pay attention to the need of the potential employer. During the interviews, the
hiring manager needs to understand how your skills and experience will help
solve their problem. If you are well able to empathize with the potential
employer, you will most likely get hired for the job.
 LEARNING TO MANAGE
OTHER PEOPLE’S
EMOTIONS
Managing other people’s emotions is an important aspect of emotional
intelligence. Here, it doesn’t mean that you absorb other people’s emotions
but being able to empathize and help people go through whatever it is that
they are feeling. For the leaders and the juniors, or whatever point of life you
are in, you will encounter people who need help in managing their emotional
lives.

Learn how to listen, when people are emotional, all they need sometimes is
someone that can pay attention to them without trying to fix their problems.
People in their emotional state want to feel heard and cared for, the ability to
pay attention to them is a priceless gift for them. Listen with the intention to
understand rather than with the need to respond. Get why they are upset, try
to understand their point of view. There are times when you will be
confronted by people who are angry at you. Learning to listen without the
need to build up defenses or justify yourself will help them in feeling
understood and this might end up mending the relationship as compared to
when you are quick to justify your actions.

Empathize, when you are trying to manage other people’s emotions, it is

important that you understand why they feel the way they do, otherwise, you
might end up being of no help to them. When someone, for example, comes
venting, angry with their spouse and they consider leaving them, listen to
them first, and understand where they are coming from. You might be
thinking that they are overreacting by looking at the surface problem that
they are presenting. However, when you ask more questions for example of
how they grew up, how they related with their parents and how they have
been relating with their spouses, you might end up realizing that they have a
problem that is deeper than the issue that they are presenting as the causative
agent of their anger. By digging deeper into the issue and empathizing with
them from a point of understanding where they are coming from instead of
dismissing them as being hypersensitive will help build a strong relationship
between the both of you and, you might end up being helpful in managing
their emotions. On the other hand, when dealing with a person that is trying
to manage their good emotions, being empathetic will help more than being
ignorant of the other person’s point of view. When people talk about
emotional management, most people think that it is only the negative
emotions that need to be managed. For example, if someone receives a call
from their friend who recently got engaged and they break the good news
while you are all at the home of one of your mutual friends who recently lost
their spouse, it is important that you do not shut the happy person down in a
way that is insensitive to either party. You need to explain to the friend who
received the call that it is good to be excited for their engaged friends but in a
way that will not arouse any pain on your grieving friend. But if for example,
you shut the excited friend sown almost rolling your eyes to imply that they
are insensitive, you might end up ruining their mood and your good
intentions may be mistaken for being jealous.

Allow people to feel. When you are helping people to manage their emotions,
remember your responsibility is not to shut down what they feel but to allow
them to take in every ounce of it, in a way that will benefit them. If for
example, someone is grieving the loss of a loved one, they need to be allowed
time and space to process their loss the way that works for them. If for
example, they find crying as an effective method to help them allow them to
cry without stopping them or making them feel as if they are doing the wrong
thing. Sit down with the other person and wait calmly for them to cry
themselves until they are able to talk out what it is that they feel. If the crying
persists and it becomes hard for you to discuss anything with them, you can
postpone the talking to some other time. Make them feel understood and feel
like their emotions are valid on all scales.

Look at the emotions of the other people not as problems that should be
gotten rid of, but rather as a puzzle. Viewing an issue as a problem makes
you think and try to come up with solutions and all you can think of is how to
get the other person out of the situation, they are in. however, when we allow
ourselves to see other people’s emotions as puzzles, it raises our curiosity.
The frantic need to fix goes away and then we are able to view the issue
objectively and be empathetic. In addition, what you are telling yourself
while trying to help the other person is important. If in your self-talk you are
thinking of how the other person has screwed up and how it will be hard for
them to come back, any other efforts you make after that are utterly useless,
until you change the way you view what the other person is going through.

Validate your own emotions. Most likely when we are dealing with someone
who is going through some negative emotions, we tend to get influenced and
our own bad emotions are stirred up and we may end up being moody. For
example, when dealing with a spouse who has had a bad day at work, we will
most likely get frustrated if we do not take time to validate our own emotions.
When we are caught up in our own negative emotions, it will be difficult to
help another person to navigate their own emotions. How we validate our
emotions is by positively talking into ourselves that we are okay and we will
be fine after feeling all that we are feeling. After validating what you feel, it
is easier to navigate through something that will be helpful in helping the
other person manage their own emotions.
 CHAPTER 3: APPLYING
EMOTIONAL
INTELLIGENCE AT WORK
Applying Emotional Intelligence During College
Education
Emotional intelligence has been associated with the capability to persist on
making clear communication, make important decisions when needed, tackle
issues, maintaining good companionship with others. During college
education, students need to associate with others, have a great relationship
and even being accepted by fellow students is highly regarded. Therefore, the
competence of perceiving and controlling emotions, promoting competencies
among individuals can be enhanced through understanding of the feelings
and perceptions of others. Students should have emotional intelligence which
enables them to ensure poise and dignity, promote empathy to others within
their social circle and beyond.

Therefore, academic leaders are exceedingly encouraged to be strategic and

innovative in what they do, how they handle issues and even on the way they
go about their academic affairs. It is interesting how people engage in
emotional conversation, the outbursts and the complications caused by people
who are emotionally derailed. As a student, being having emotional
intelligence determine the success in education and general life engagement.
Due to improvement in teaching and learning, advancement in research
efforts, more emotion is involved in the process and how we come out of the
incapacitation state makes the difference. To be distinct from others, students
have to navigate the fast-passed environment, increase the accountability to
meet the expectations set by society. Encountering these challenges enables
one to develop core emotional intelligence needed for handling the emerging
issues ranging from frustrations and disempowerments. These emotions are
needed to elate a person to greater heights in education.
According to the latest research, it has been proven that most organizations
are working on how to handle the emotional challenges faced by their
personnel. In the college concept, student who possesses emotional
challenges stands a better chance of employment in various corporate market.
Special sets of skills are looked into during recruitment, and those who have
a great and admirable emotional intelligence tend to get these changes with
ease. Moreover, emotional intelligence is essential for leadership, and it is
excised during early schooling where one can easily modify the kind of life
they intend to live. On the contrary, I agree with the entire formal schooling
experience where students should be taught how to solve their problems and
prioritize what is important to them at any given point. In this case, the idea
of grading them and other soft skills are necessary as the basic aspect of
social life. Through good social skills, students can develop desirable
emotional intelligence which enables them to associate with others and also
have a sense of empathy among themselves. We are living in a time when
social and behavior takes the better part of our life, and we must consider
how we relate with each other.

Foremost, one needs to have the ability to understand his or her own
emotions, moods and motivation concerning how they affect the other party.
In respect to this, self-awareness is a very important ingredient in handling
emotions. It provides a gist on how to deal with people, how to handle
different circumstances and also how to control oneself. When in college, the
students need to understand how their moods affect others and mastering
these emotions is the key to self-realization. It determines the potential of
working in a group setting, interacting with each other, and maintaining the
friendship. It is evident that students with emotional intelligence tend to
attract others and they have many friends as compare to those who are
incapacitated.

In most cases, you will find them in a leadership position where they can
control other students, gain respect, and being respected in return. One may
wonder about how they get such positions, how they achieve that much in life
as compared to others. It is emotional intelligence manifested through self-
awareness.
Furthermore, self-regulation may play a better part in emotional intelligence
manifestation in college if one can control their emotions, thus preventing
them from engaging in actions that may cause them a lot in the long run. In
many cases, students tend to act without considering the likely outcome of
their actions; by doing so, they stand a great danger of getting into trouble
with each other, staff, and administration. Therefore, creating self-regulation
usually, prevents them from such danger thus helping them to become better
people. For instance, one may intend to initiate a certain program that may
benefit the whole student fraternity, but the comment on such a program from
fellow students may tend to be hurting, and one may feel bad about the whole
issue. Rather than responding rudely or being emotionally attached to what
people say, one should ignore such unproven allegations and unsolicited
information trying to derail your name. That is common, and many people
should apply emotional intelligence when dealing with such issues which
may defame one. It is very common to act in a way that pleases one but
having a great emotional intelligence usually determines how you will be
perceived by the outsiders and even by friends. How would you feel when
one of your friends is engaged in an unprofessional argument which stains
the reputation one has struggled to create over the years? It is very common
to say that one should follow their feelings in such a way that they prefer but
not always according to societal expectations. In essence, they should create
the society they want to live in without compromise of other people’s
expectations imposed on them. For that reason, many tend to take actions that
they later regret in life and when that happens, it becomes too late to retract
the initial actions.

Typically, having internal motivation creates a passion that makes people

work based on curiosity. The action is coupled with the purpose and joy of
engaging in such activities. In such situations, one tends to have a greater
view of the outside world and take things the way they are which makes life
comfortable. In college, students tend to engage in different activities that
most of them do not take pleasure in doing. To create a better place from
where we live internal motivation is very important, and it should be
impacted on students to enable them to get better results from what they do.
Besides, one should not focus on external motivation like reputation and
money. For instance, students should not find motivation in a course because
of the income they will get when employed, but the passion to pursue that
subject to support humanity. By doing so, they activate their emotional
intelligence to handle various issues associated with the subject matter.

Having empathy is crucial, and it helps one to be a better person when

dealing with people. If you can understand other people’s feelings, rationally
respond to such feelings when needed, being accountable whenever there is a
problem which is the best one can offer to a friend. It involves engaging with
someone under their emotional state through proper understanding and
positive advice. For instance, it can be portrayed in a range of departments in
an institution where professionals engage students on the matter which
concern their academics and dealing with disgruntled faculty member.
Moreover, seeking to empathize with others can ease the relationship and
make life easy since it reduces conflicts in such settings. On the contrary, it
strengthens a relationship and creates a better understanding.

To build on another aspect of emotional intelligence where social skills are

necessary and more likely to create a healthy relationship in the college
setting. Leaders usually find common ground which enables them to build
rapport to enable them to manage themselves and professional relationships.
Normally they find it easy to build social networks which creates new
avenues for their career while they are still in college. In most instances,
academic leaders have more advantage of getting favors from outside due to
their ability to interact with many people from their department and outside,
their emotional intelligence and personality play a big role in such situations.
By creating common visions, having a focus on different managerial
departments incorporated in the institutions make it easier for one to have an
impact on people.

According to research, it has been proven that there is a greater relationship

between higher levels of concurring emotional intelligence associated with
academic success. Adolescence with emotional intelligence tends to do well
in exams and also in life in general. Through extensive research, the best
thinkers and innovators in the world are emotionally intelligent. Just look at
the successful people around and try to relate how they usually handle the
prevailing issues in their lives. Most of them know to have a substantial
positive influence which tends to boost the institution's performance.

Moreover, emotional intelligence is usually considered to be four times

significant than intelligence quotient where academic excellence is in
question. People with greater emotional intelligence tend to be more social as
compared to those with greater intelligence quotient. For instance, associating
with someone like Sheldon may tend to be more challenging. He has a high
IQ, but that does not determine his success in life. To add on, people like
Nikola Tesla who had a boring life though he was a genius.
 FOSTERING EMOTIONAL
INTELLIGENCE IN YOUR
WORKPLACE
At the workplace, people are familiar with words like hire or fire. Here, one
may get hired at one point and get fired the next minute. This issue can be
more frustrating, and one may not be happy when they hear the word fire.
The implication caused by such words tends to cause emotional turmoil.
However, there is room for such words as love and care, and one should not
look further in such for them. Having a good manager who has great
emotional intelligence tend to make the workers happier. Therefore, such
characters should be emulated by those who are willing to get far in the
corporate industry. Most businesses tend to hire a human resource manager
who is emotionally intelligent to deal with the staff and take care of the hiring
and firing tasks in the organization.

There are those coveted soft skills displayed by the manager and anyone in
the organization to create a good rapport with workers and stakeholders.
Therefore, managers caring at the corporate level tend to be built upon
emotional intelligence which enables them to make rational decisions and to
create good relationships with workers. It is believed that care is the most
important aspect when recruiting employees in an organization and it should
not be compromised at all costs. Having a caring manager in an organization
makes the employees feel at home. The feeling of belonging can be witnessed
in the organization. Besides, caring about your employees is an obligation
that should always look into if one tends to get a good flow of income. It
motivates the employees, makes them create more avenues for innovations
and creativity which in turn promotes the productivity of the firm.
Compassionate love, tenderness, and affections matter a lot to employees
since they are human beings and they need love too. Treating employees
badly usually affects their morale, how they perform at work and even the
quality of work they are given to take care of at any given time. The need to
instill company values is mandatory in any given corporate, but tolerance and
understanding of human nature at the corporate is much essential for the
success of the company. Also, a company needs people who can take
responsibility for their actions.

When hiring, the human resource manager should get the right person to
ensure that everything is sorted. Having the right people usually has much to
do with hiring passionate people in the system. These people will be much
engrossed in the organization activities, and they will care about each other
creating a conducive environment for others. By doing so, the economic
improvement is realized in the company thus attracting more profits and
benefits to workers. In such cases, everyone will work with joy thus ensuring
the prosperity of the management and company as a whole. Besides, building
a caring culture has much to do with the employees than the management.
Getting the right people in the system always ensures that the right ethical
practices are adhered to, time management is taken care of, and no one will
follow up on how they perform their duties since everyone knows what they
are supposed to do. There is a shared potential and promise in the
organization, and they will always take care of each other, to mean, caring for
each other’s burned as their own.

Caring nature needs to be nurtured through sharing at the workplace. People

have different backgrounds and diverse capabilities. When they share the
challenges and the tasks, chances of reaching a solution are very high, and for
the sake of that, they will create a bond through sharing and caring for each
other in the organization. On the other hand, they are likely to chare failures
too making them strong to deal with such situations in the future. Have you
ever imagined a situation when you are faced with a problem, and there is no
one to share with? Also, getting into a challenging task which requires some
skills which you do not possess. That is very common with very many people
but trusting anyone to share with the atrocity creates some implications.
People are willing to help, but they cannot know the complexity of the
problems unless one is willing to share them out with them. That is why
social media and other platforms are created to make it easy to sharing
information. At the workplace, a platform should be created by the
management to help people share views, problems, and opinions which may
help the firm and their co-workers. By doing so, a conducive environment is
created for all for the betterment of the whole organization. The care and
share make a difference in the company.

As a manager, you should have a rig leader to foster emotional intelligence in

the workplace. However, before that, one has to work on various aspects
which ensure that emotional intelligence is manifested. Creating self-
awareness will ensure that the leader has a full view of himself; he can see
himself in others by recognizing own emotions. By doing so, the leader can
have control over the emotions. In this case, the initiator who is the manager
must have full control of his own emotions and recognize the weakness. That
can be strengthened through effective communication in the company where
duties are delegated properly and actions taken according to the required
standard. However, having social awareness tends to have much influence; in
this case, it helps one to handle conflicts in the company effectively. One can
easily give honest and valuable feedback after realizing what is going on in
the social setting. That can be achieved through a polite and respectful way of
handling clients and staff in the company. A good leader is he who listens to
more and talks less when faced with a strategy. Therefore, you must be able
to internalize the emerging issues and handle problems carefully at the same
time, and one has to avoid excuses. One should own up to their mistakes and
stand a chance to be corrected whenever they are wrong about anything. By
building your emotional intelligence, one can foster a great team at the
workplace to emulate the same.

Furthermore, one should identify team member’s weaknesses and strengths,

and this enables the employer to create harmony at the workplace and
understand different implications facing staff. Team members at the
workplace tend to be more important than job titles at the corporate. These
are unique people, the influencers who have great stories to tell. They possess
diverse skills, knowledge, and talents put together in one pool. The pool of
talent and skills they possess is essential to the organization. If you intend to
get better benefits from someone, being humble and caring can win their
trust, and in this case, the managers are not exceptional. The management
stands a chance of getting the best out of the employees if there is room for
strength identification and improvement. The team member must be given a
chance to prove their skills through demonstration, excise, and execution of
tasks. Here, a leap of trust must be rendered to them that they are capable of
handling their tasks well. The manager only needs to supervise from a
distance but should not micromanage them. By doing so, he or she will be
able to create room for trial and error, and the employees will be able to know
their weaknesses and strengths. That will impart confidence in them and
enable them to have a different perspective view on how things are done in
the organization. Anyone who is given such a chance incline to develops
feelings of belonging and self-assurance which enable them to strengthen
their emotional intelligence.
Starting to know the employees at a personal level enables the manager to
identify the relevant skills in the organization faster. It is said that you only
get to know someone well when you spend most of the time with them. The
analogy is very clear, and it implies that the manager can foster more
emotional intelligence at the workplace by engaging the workmate. By doing
so, he will be able to get their views and feelings in every issue. Managing
such people tend to be easier after better understanding.

Developing creative ways of managing stress in the organization is

mandatory, and the leader needs to take such a leap of faith seriously. Stress
can easily lead to burn out, and employees are human beings with feelings.
Their health is much important to them and the overall company
performance. Therefore, the workers should have a way of handling
deadlines, coworkers, and grievances in a healthy way. For instance,
emphasizing on sticking to the schedule should be implemented as the
company norms which should be hindered by any external forces. These
norms will affect team time management and help them become better
employees. Also, one can encourage team members at the workplace to take
some time off for a break to cool down on stressful days.
 HOW TO BECOME AN
EMOTIONALLY
INTELLIGENT LEADER
As a leader, being intelligent emotion control help in many ways especially
when dealing with other workers. It helps in reducing anxiety and confusion
when faced with priority to be made. Here, one has to be sober when making
decisions concerning the wellbeing of others, and that is what a leader stand-
in for in times of need. One to be motivated all the time and the feelings of
frustrations and tiredness highly reduced. Moreover, one can reduce illness
caused by stress through vibrant emotional intelligence.

Therefore, knowing what is important to oneself is important for a leader who

intends to become emotionally intelligent. One has to build a deeper
understanding of his or her feelings to improve emotional intelligence. The
values and beliefs which has been put into practice from childhood usually
play a vital role in this. How one behaves as an adult is a resultant of believes
one has been undergoing since childhood. Listing of these own values
enables one to recognize the kind of situations and motivations which drive
their lives. One has to recognize that a certain situation triggers their lives and
the other events do not appeal to them at a given moment. Besides, one has to
understand why a certain situation triggers strong emotional reactions in
them. For instance, a person living and working in an environment with
values that appeal to them makes them more comfortable and stable than
working in an environment with contradicting values.

Developing self-awareness is much important for a leader. One will always

know how they feel, how they are prone to react towards a given situation or
event; one is aware of the emotions and actions and how they influence the
people around them. When one is at the leadership position, one needs to
have a clear picture of the weakness and the strengths when faced with an
event, how they are going to react. The skill culminates in having humility.
To improve such skills, one needs to keep a journal; it helps one to keep
thoughts by sometimes spending alone to jot those thoughts down where they
can be retrieved. The journal should be kept where it can be retrieved anytime
one needs to jot the thoughts down. By doing so, one will be able to create a
thoughtful sequence of how to go about an event, and at a later time, one can
easily go back to them for self-awareness. It is like a mirror of what is going
down in someone’s life.

On the other hand, one has to come down when experiencing anger or any
strong emotions that may hinder the action. The need to ask why certain
event is happening the way it is and how it affects you emotionally creates
that awareness in a leader. Remember, every situation has its consequences,
and as a leader, the decision on how to react to a situation depends on the
likely consequence you choose for it. One has to make a decision on what
they want and how they want it to be in their life. Having control over the
emotions is what determines the kind of a leader one can be; it determines
how emotionally intelligent a leader is and how they can combat a conflicting
situation.

A leader needs to have self-regulation over his or her feelings. Those leaders
who have mastered this emotional skill rarely attack others verbally; they are
not prone to rushed decision making or making contradicting emotional
decisions which may cost them their reputation. These leaders do not
compromise their values; neither do they stereotype people in the
organization. To be such a leader in the organization, one has to emulate such
positive values and keep them as part of the daily routine. By doing so, one
can stay in control over the events. To maintain such reputations, one has to
know their values, have a clear idea of what is expected of them when faced
with certain situations. One needs to examine the code of ethics which
appeals to them and know what to do when faced with a given situation to
handle as a leader. As a leader, much responsibility has to be shouldered on
behalf of others, and this requires intellectual skills on your part. Therefore,
when faced with a situation which demands moral or ethical decision, one
needs to make the right choice. The choices one makes in such instances
must be accounted for, and the leader has to keep in mind that all the
consequence of their choices, they must remain liable to all those decisions.
One has to admit mistakes wherever they go wrong and seek guidance from
the wise people they regard in the community. By doing so, they can sleep
better at night knowing well that the choices they made and the admission of
the mistakes have earned them respect.

The need for self-motivation is what drives a leader to achieve much in life.
Nobody will always be there to motivate you, and for that reason, self-
motivation comes in hand. It helps a leader to move consistently towards
achieving their set goals and setting a high standard goal helps one to have
that focus which will always propel them to venture into various undertakings
to achieve them. Therefore, re-examining why you are doing a certain job,
why you are involved in a given group task and why you have to commit to
such work is very important. In every career, there is a reason why someone
chose to follow a given path, and some are for money, some for fun and some
for self-fulfillment. In this case, identifying the key motive is very important,
and one needs to seek internal guidance on this kind of issue. In most
instances, people are happy in their jobs, and they cannot remember the
reason why they are unhappy, they cannot figure out the cause of their
worries and why they feel the way they feel. These whys are very important
when examining the root cause of the problem and the motivation factor
behind engaging in a certain activity in the first place? By examining these
factors, one can easily solve their problems without seeking advice from
elsewhere.

After determining the motivation factor behind a certain event, one needs to
know where they stand. The lead they decide to take in order to achieve their
goals helps to determine the leadership skills they possess and how they can
handle different situations. A leader has to be stable emotionally in order to
motivate the junior staff and even to gain confidence from the stakeholders
and clients. That can be achieved through a focus on achievable goals and the
motivation towards achieving such goals in life — the need to have a clear
picture of what is happening around and beyond. Ultimately, being motivated
is much related to being optimistic about what one does, and leaders have to
excel in that to enable them to have an influence on others. It does not matter
the kind of problem one face, or the kind of negative implication an event
may pose, a leader needs to remain optimistic at all time to combat the
negative implications and problems around them. It is advised that every time
one faces a challenge or failure, the need to find something positive out of
that failure is what determines success. Problems are not always problems
unless you do not take your time to look at them from a different perspective.
How we usually view things has much to do with how we handle them. An
optimistic person will always have a positive thing to say about a problem. A
pessimistic will do his tricks too, having a negative view on everything. As a
leader, viewing a problem from an optimistic point of view elevate chances
of accomplishing success.

Typically, leaders need to have empathy is obligatory and critical to an

organization. The aspect enables leaders to put themselves in employee’s
shoes and feel what they are feeling at the moment. Their feelings help them
to develop the attachment which connects them since they can reach an
understanding. Leaders with empathy are always able to develop a great team
where they will always take control of events and the occurrence taking place
in the organization. To cultivate this kind of spirit, leaders needs to put
himself in employees’ position and get the feelings on how they ought to be
treated. A leader will find it easy to support his or her point of view after
getting the full picture of how it felt to be in such a position. Also, taking
other people’s perspectives regarding the situation is very important before
making grave decisions in any given matter. One can perfect that by taking
body language into consideration. The body language will always convey a
mix signal, and one has to be keen on them before concluding. Finally,
having social skills enable a leader to be a great communicator. The
intelligent, emotional skill exposes the leader to grasp a wide range of news
from different perspective thus helping in making the right decision.
 EMOTIONAL
INTELLIGENCE FOR
SUCCESS
In most cases, when hiring people in an organization, people with high
emotional intelligence tend to get the job than others. Why is it so? These
people can identify and regulate their own emotions and that of others in an
organization, and that is why such characters are admired. Employers choose
these people due to their ability to reduce stress in teamwork, the ability to
defuse arising conflicts in the organization and improve job satisfaction.
Ultimately, they can increase team productivity and high chances of staff
retention due to their admiration at work. These people are accorded high
positions at work, and they are highly productive as compared to those with
high intelligence quotient. Therefore, focus on how to achieve such great
heights of emotional intelligence to become successful is vital to everyone
who wishes to become successful.
For one to be successful, the need for self-awareness must come first. Here,
one will be able to recognize own emotions, strengths, what triggers the
emotions, motivation, weakness, and clear understanding of values and goals
to be achieved in life. One must realize how these aspects affect their
thoughts and behavior. If in case, you are feeling annoyed, stressed, or
deflated on the role you are taking at the workplace. It is very crucial to take
a break and refocus by examining the contributing factors to such feelings.
Deeper reexaminations of what might be happening may reveal much about
the feelings and how you ought to have decided to correct it. It is very normal
to feel bad sometimes, the feelings come naturally, and it is deep down the
heart which we cannot alter in any awkward way. Labeling and
understanding the cause of the problem is halfway towards its solution, and
that is what leads to success. For instance, when you feel weary about the
task you are undertaking at a given organization, resigning, and getting a
better job that may inspire you can be a good solution to all the worries and
tribulations. Getting an additional job on top of what you are doing can open
new income to solve the recurring problems you are facing.

Great leaders who are successful in life normally have a common trait, self-
management. These leaders can regulate thinking, emotions and even how or
when to take action concerning a given event. With high emotional
intelligence, one can take control of bad moods, negative emotions and
impulses like anger and stress. Therefore, having self-control always helps
one determine and to take control of all these aspects and it is essential in
deciding life. One can easily delay response to highly stressful situations that
require much attention and focus before making any decision that may attract
negative consequences. For instance, one can decide to ignore an angry email
about the products they offer to the client or reply which may also cause
much damage. These things are likely to take toll of someone's wellbeing,
and the need for control is much necessary. Great things happen in life
depending on how we choose to react to them is what makes the difference.

Taking further steps in mastering own emotions makes the difference

between successful people and failures. The mastery helps one to monitor
and control moods and that of others in determining the outcome of such
feelings. If you want to be successful, the need to have a great mastery of
emotions is vital, and it helps one to get a clear view of how things are done.
Stepping back and watching objectively on how others do things, how they
go about their duties, and the passion they put at work may help one to
determine how to handle them objectively. The diffusing stressing situations
can be handled well when one can get a deeper understanding of the cause of
the reactions or actions initiation factors that cause the problem. It is very
healthy to be carried away with some emotions, and a deeper understanding
of such emotions is what matters.

Normally, it is tempting for one to speak while the other is still speaking; this
indicates the unprofessional nature of handling things. A great leader will
always for the other to speak first before injecting their opinions. This kind of
behavior is called being emotionally intelligent, and one can handle such
issues with great care. It is good to listen, and it shows maturity and interest
in what someone is saying, regarding their ideas valuable as well as yours. By
doing so, the chances of attracting admiration and attraction are much higher
and rewarding at the same time. This kind of attraction is only possible if you
can resist the urge to speak our mind without caring about what people are
thinking.

Exhibiting impeccable communication is vital for a successful person. The

need to express yourself in such a way that you can be understood and taken
seriously means that the person has to be more genuine even when you are
wrong. It is impractical to hold a meeting after the initial meeting has ended.
This shows that you do not trust everything shared with the team and you
need more clarifications which could have been sorted at the meeting. When
we do that, we are likely to compromise the initial decision by infecting it
with the side conversation to make the decision. Besides, one should master
courage and dispute such temptations in order to find courage and tell his
thoughts broadly. Talking under the table creates suspicions and unreliability
nature of a person, and it is so embarrassing in leadership positions that
demand courage and responsibility for every action.

There are emotional intelligence aspects like the sense of empathy and
sympathy, which is crucial for one to be considered successful in a given line.
The best way to win other people’s heart is to show empathy and sympathy to
them. By doing so, you will be able to understand their situations, their
complications, and their views. The humbling act we put enables us to feel
what others are feeling, recognize their situation and even helping them out if
possible. Such behavior is important in human life where we live as a
community, and we should help each other. Plus, if you do so accompanied
by a compassionate conversation that attracts admiration and convincing
view on how we look into a situation, we can impact many lives on our way
to success. This must be done with much respect which will be reciprocated
on other people’s reactions towards you in return.

In most cases, a co-worker's recent outburst at work could have been caused
by something personal and out of your imagination, truly speaking, many will
judge that differently depending on their view and thinking. Unless one cares
to find out the cause of the outburst, one cannot tell what is happening or
what is going on in his or her life which can be contributed by many other
factors. It can be the divorce case one is undergoing which may cause the
unrest situation at work, or maybe he or she has lost somebody important in
their lives. Therefore, having high emotional intelligence enables one to
identify and determine when to react to such situations. How people will
handle such issues is different, but the one who will show empathy and
sympathy tends to be victorious over the matter. Sometimes I wonder how
people are quick to put blame and judgment without digging down to know
the cause of tribulations their fellows are undergoing.

There are times when the emotion displayed by people has no or little to do
with the work. However, do we care to know the cause of such actions, do we
care about our fellow at work, or we are just engrossed in our success and
implications brought by it? Just because we do not care does not mean that
we should judge. Do you remember the last time you look at the mirror?
When was it and what did you see when you look yourself in the mirror?
That is logical, and no answer is required. Anyway, what am I trying to say is
this, how do you expect others to see you, feel what you are feeling and even
bear with one the same pain. When it comes to this, probably one will need
people to get involved in their life but when did you extend such favors to
others. Naturally, we are human beings with self-interest, and we like what
we can get out of a situation but not what we can contribute to such events.
Next time before thinking of yourself, think of others and see the kind of
success it attracts in your way. It does not matter how much we earn nor the
family background we come from but our inner being. Therefore, we should
extend care, love, and respect other people for us to be successful.
 CHAPTER 4: APPLYING
EMOTIONAL
INTELLIGENCE AT HOME
Developing an Emotionally Intelligent Relationship
Being emotionally intelligent means that you simply recognize and
understand your emotions and other peoples as well. It also deals with how
well you manage and deal with other people's emotions. There has been a lot
of researches done about emotional intelligence for decades and this has not
brought up a clear picture of what being emotionally intelligent and how it
works means. The theories about this have been scattered all over and
therefore its knowledge is hard to gather. Two psychologists John Mayer and
Peter Salovey from the University of New Hampshire and Yale University
respectively came up with a theory that gave a clear look at emotions and
intelligence in 1989. The first-ever scientific paper was first published during
the year 1990. This opened doors for more people to discuss emotional
intelligence. The research that has been done over the years has helped
organizations to single out and develop their workers' talents. This, in turn,
helps in producing better leaders as well as achieving organizational goals.
This knowledge has also been used in schools to create harmony between the
students. Families have also used these theories to improve harmony. Good
emotional intelligence skills can help one differentiate between success and
failure. However, this is still a new area of study and therefore you can find it
to be a combination of folklore and science. Emotional intelligence helps one
improve themselves, become a very well-adjusted human being to yourself
and to others.

Developing emotional intelligence requires a few things to be in place. In

every relationship, some ratings should be done. Ask yourself if you feel
comfortable being in the relationship, are you intimate, how do you
emotionally feel about the other partner and many more. A relationship that
has just started is often very romantic; people are head over heels with one
another. Being together in a new relationship makes one feel happy and
people tend to be always on their best behavior. After a while, people seem to
have hit a dead-end and for that reason, behaviors start changing and, in some
cases, people may be a little more distant. They begin taking each other for
granted. They now become extremely busy and do not have time for each
other. Many people then start wondering why this happens. They find it
difficult to maintain their original romance. You may find that
communication goes down and some even break up since the other partner
chose to go silent for no apparent reason. However, emotional intelligence
plays a big role in helping this kind of people build their trust towards each
other. When you are emotionally intelligent you are also able to understand
the other partner's emotions and behaviors. Relationships are not just
romantic, there are different types. For instance; intimate relationships are
developed among partners because not all people need intimate relationships
with you. Good relationships are those that help one create strong bonds of
love that are rarely found in poor relationships. Anger and resentment are
always common in poor relationships. People who have high emotional
intelligence tend to be more satisfied with their relationships. This includes
both their intimate relationships and their social relationship. Social
relationships are those that deal with other people, people who you are not in
an intimate relationship. People in a good relationship can agree on a couple
of things. There are some indications that your relationship is on the right
track. These include; both you and your partner are good friends and are
significant to each other, you both know how to deal with disagreements and
how to end them, you have similar interests and activities, you respect one
another, you manage conflicts, you accept each other's imperfections, you
both care about each other, you are sexually satisfied by your partner, you are
able to agree on how to manage your money and children as well, you enjoy
meals and go for outings together and many more. This also points you the
part or feature of your relationship that grants you peace of mind and
happiness. Highly emotionally intelligent people are far better and able to
manage each other's emotions. This results in a relationship that has trust and
respect and is capable of resolving conflicts successfully. A study to
determine whether emotional intelligence is important in relationships was
done. The researchers performed this study on marriages and came up with
the following results. They claimed that happiness is the founding block for
emotionally intelligent people. This explains why happier people have far
better relationships with people around them. Happiness is the key to marital
satisfaction or rather happier marriages. A good relationship comes later but
happiness comes first. Happy people can deal with things that stress them in
life better than those people who are always unhappy. Happy people tend to
supply their happiness and positiveness to other people. Personal happiness is
very important and helps one carry a form of resilience during bad times and
good times. Happy people are said to make the best out of all life situations.
This makes their marriages happier since they are able to maintain a happy
mood even when going through tough times. They also put across that self-
regard is also a good founding block for satisfying marriages. People who
have high self-regard can deal with critics more that people who regard
themselves less. They are more secure than people who have low self-regard.
They tend to be more self-assured even in their strengths and weaknesses.
They are not easily brought down by negative comments and critics. Self-
actualization was another finding. People that are always trying to be their
best and focus on developing themselves tend to have happier relationships.
They also claimed that realism or rather being real was also key to marital
success. Being realistic about the things you do and the things around you
helps a lot. Being realistic about your relationship and the challenges you
face helps to build a stronger relationship. Fantasizing about how you want
your relationship to look alike but not doing anything about it will not
improve your intimate relationship. Emotional intelligence hence becomes
very important to help build healthier and stronger relationships. The findings
discussed above help one realize their emotional intelligence.

After putting all these things into practice, you are now able to rate your
relationship based on your emotional attachment to each other. You mentally
dialogue within yourself and find the pluses and minuses in your relationship.
You may sometimes feel good about each other and sometimes feel bad
about each other. Confrontations and arguments may arise but having the best
emotional intelligent way to solve things makes things better and more
satisfying. Trying to understand what the other is feeling at a particular time
and understanding their significance helps make your relationship stronger. A
study that has recently been done by professor Tim Spector, the director of
the Twin research department at King's College in London stated that women
seem to have more emotional intelligence and this makes them have more
satisfied sexually. These women are better able to understand their partner's
feelings that women that have lower emotional intelligence. This ability to
monitoring and understanding partners' feelings helps in strengthening
relationships. Relationships involve a lot of giving than receiving and also a
lot of teamwork.

Emotional intelligence helps one control their emotions and how they react to
them. Being significant to your partner when they are down or seem to have
an issue helps them to focus more on you and forget about all other stressful
things they might have had in their minds. Happiness can help one to
maintain resilience in their tough times. Being able to manage your partner's
emotions can be the best thing that has happened to you, therefore,
strengthening your relationship. Although this might be a lot of work it
strengthens and creates value for your relationship. The positiveness in a
relationship shows how well the relationship is functioning. Back in the day's
therapists believed that communication is the key to a happier marriage. This
helped the marriages remain very solid but, in this case, there was one partner
who did not have much to say or in short was uncommunicative. It was also
brought forward that behavior pretty much affects relationships more than
talking. Behavioral change between partners leads more to positive feelings
and better relationships.

In conclusion, it is clearly seen that truly being more emotionally intelligent

helps one build healthier and stronger relationships. They can go through and
understand other people's feelings and take care of them as opposed to
hurting them more. People need to be emotionally intelligent to improve on
how they relate with each other and also bring out the positivity in them.
Even though theories on emotional intelligent have not been clear with what
brings out the intelligence, it can be seen that being happy, positive and being
more realistic helps improve one improve on their emotional intelligence.
Therefore, bringing about healthy relationships. Emotional intelligence is
core for every healthy relationship.
 APPLYING EMOTIONAL
INTELLIGENCE IN
PARENTING
Over the centuries, tones and tones of books and manuals have been written
and published trying to explain how to raise children. These parenting books
and manuals come up with guides that help people understand better behavior
of children. However, it is said that your child doesn't come with a manual so
it is upon you, the parent to create one and raise your child how you know
best. There are best ways to deal with a child intelligently and that's why
research has brought about some emotionally intelligent aspects to help
parents raise their kids. The most common problem that affects parenting are
the parents themselves. They do not share the same rearing approach as they
did when rearing the child. There is also a lack of consistency while applying
whatever approach you use in raising your child. The different aspects you
can use to intelligently raise your child will be discussed below.

Good parenting most of the time has been left or taken to be for intelligent
parents. However, what most parents don't know is that being intelligent does
not act as the key to good parenting. A research on whether your intelligence
has anything to do with good parenting was conducted by Dr. Robert
Goodman and the department of child and adolescent studied at the institute
of psychiatry in London. This research was done in the UK. They discovered
that children whose parents have a high level of emotional intelligence or had
a high IQ portrayed more emotional problems. This was confirmed by both
the teachers and parents. According to another study conducted by the
Indiana University, Kinsey institute revealed that the IQ of both the parents is
lowered by having children. The researchers kicked off the study by first
testing the IQ levels of 200 married couples. 27 couples out of the 200
conceived during this period. All the parents underwent the same IQ test six
months after their babies were born. It was discovered that out of the 200
couples that had undertaken the test, 173 of them scored at least 12 points
lower than on their first IQ test. Most of them scored 20 points less. Dr.
Hosung Lee stated that having children retards the brain's activity, therefore,
lowering the IQ for both parents. This loss of IQ is taken to be psychological,
not biological. This test clearly explains why every parent thinks that their
children are cuter than other babies. A parent will be quick to judge another
for claiming their child is beautiful than theirs. It also explains why parents
who were at first very intelligent now end up blaming teachers for the poor
performance of their children. Being a parent changes a lot of character traits
in you, for example, you start being less tolerant, less objective, you now
have expectations and regularly measure your child against these
expectations. Parents tend to note down the goals they want to achieve for
their babies. Parents need to calm down and behave constructively if when
their babies do not perform as they expected. Many parents are unable to do
this and end up losing and controlling their impulses. This is one of the
factors that make you less emotionally intelligent. Most parents still know
that they are pushing their kids too hard and expecting too much from your
child can be demotivating. The children may develop other unexpected issues
like anxiety disorders or may end up having anger management issues. These
children also tend to become uncooperative and disobedient.

What most people fantasize about having in children is exactly almost the
opposite of what they get in real life. However, this happens for some of the
parents. People tend to think that after they have children the children will
easily comply and will not do as much to disrupt them from their day to day
routine. Most of the things that parents thought would happen turn out to be
the complete opposite. In this case, you seem to have less control over what
your baby does like eating, sleeping, and crying. A lot of adjustments now
come in and you have to adjust your life accordingly. Most parents are not
prepared for such kinds of situations. You need to emotionally adjust to
accept your child's behavior and learn how to cope with it. The ability to
adjust your life for your baby are the early signs of success in your parenting
methods and enhancement of emotional intelligence as a parent. A parent that
reads magazines and parenting books and has all the parenting methods at the
tips of their fingers are intellectually intelligent. However, they still have to
be emotionally prepared for anything. For example, you need to know how to
emotionally handle your baby who wakes up in the middle of the night to cry
uncontrollably. What if they refuse to eat what do you do? You must be
emotionally ready for such kind of events. You need to learn how to control
your emotions first before you learn how to control your child's emotions as
well. The more you manage to control your emotional behavior the easier it
becomes to control your child's.

There are a few things to consider while trying to control your emotions.
First, try to understand your child's behavior before you react. Also, try
understanding how you feel about your child's behavior, your thoughts and
what you did about your child's behavior. A good scenario of these things
you need to put into consideration would be; what would you feel if your
child wakes up crying bitterly and you can't quite place your finger on what is
making them cry. First, you feel so concerned then feel angry that she won't
stop crying. You then feel bad for being angry at your child. By now you
should be thinking that your baby should now stop crying since there was no
reason why she is crying in the first place. You're worried that your neighbors
may think you're not a good parent. You think of what to do to stop this. You
try rocking your baby to sleep, you feed her, you check her nappies, you try
everything you know but nothing seems to work. By doing all of this you are
trying to create a connection between you and your child. Getting angry at
your child is understandable but this should not get in between you and your
child. You can look for options on what you can do to like try figuring out
why the baby could be crying, is the child uncomfortable, and so on. Being
angry preoccupies your mind and you cannot reason at this stage and
therefore, you have to let go of the anger and to pay attention to yourself.
This way, you understand that there is no point in getting angry at a child
who cannot even understand let alone manage their emotions and feelings. It
is also good to understand what your partner thinks about all the parenting
drama and how they are taking it. Is your partner strict in rearing a child and
therefore feels that there is no reason for you to rock a crying baby for no
reason? You and your partner should be able to work as a team. Look on
areas that you don't agree upon and involve a third party in this or look for
more options on the same. It can tear you apart if there is nobody there to
reason out with you. It is truly better and manageable if your partner is there
with you. Your partner should also be able to understand the baby's behaviors
and also come up with ways of managing them. Meaning that both partners
should fully understand their emotions before even trying to understand the
baby. Keeping cool with your baby is also good. Try and tell yourself that
your baby will change as it grows. Losing your temper in front of a child
could create a very bad picture for the child. You should, therefore, learn how
to control your issues as parents. With this, you will be able to also teach
your child on effective ways to solve conflict with others at school or in
social areas. It is also good that your children learn how to deal with stressful
situations and methods of relieving stress. Being open to your child helps
them be a lot more confident and comfortable around you and can
comfortably discuss issues with you.

These methods of rearing children who will have high emotional intelligence
will require a lot of thinking and mind cracking. A parent who has controlled
their emotions well and is intelligent will also raise their kid in the best way
possible. The kids even in their teenage era will be able to control their
emotions. Parents are also advised that it is good to also learn, understand
their children, especially during their teen period. Let them understand that
emotional intelligence comes from within them. Kids should also be taught
how to relate socially in the best ways possible. This will help them become
better team players. Parents that are emotionally intelligent bring up
emotionally intelligent children as well.
 RAISING EMOTIONALLY
INTELLIGENT CHILDREN
Every parent wants to raise their children in the best way possible. Parents
often get confused as they try out methods, they have learned from parenting
books and magazines as well as relatives and friends. They also seek
professional help from experts on parenting when things get out of hand. This
tends to confuse them on how best to raise their children. The parenting field
has a lot of experts each one having their theory on how to bring up an
emotionally intelligent child. Disciplining a child and being strict to them is
not necessarily what you should do but, setting up goals that are not too high
for the child. Do not set the goals too high such that the child will find it
difficult to achieve them. This may make the child feel as though they have
been pushed into too many extracurricular activities or are expected to handle
too many responsibilities in the name of achieving goals. Parents have been
pushed too hard by the advice from the media, blogs, websites, social
networks and so on that they tend to forget that their child is not in a way like
the blogger's child. You alone should know what is best for your child in
order to successfully help them develop emotional intelligence. Recent
research has shown that children can easily learn how to control their
emotions intelligently if they are taught from an early age. A child is nurtured
while still young because what they are taught at this age they will never
forget. This child will grow to be successful in their undertakings and their
relationships whether social or intimate.

It is very important to learn how to understand your child and their behavior.
Be able to get where they are coming from and what is making them say what
they want to say. You may find this being difficult but you need to put in the
effort. Make sure you don't put a lot of pressure on the child to do what you
want to be done and not what they want. You should once in a while listen to
your child and do what they want and if it is not possible, explain to them
clearly why it can't be done. Take as an example a growing set area for a girl
child where they believe that a girl child is of no essence to the community.
Parents should advise against this and they should keenly learn that gender-
stereotyping is completely wrong. Genders, whether male, female or
intersexes are all of the equal essence and no one, should discriminate them
on the same. In the century we live in, it is clear that what males can do
females can do and do it even better. Children can be different in many ways.
Siblings raised in the same home, with the same mother and father can have
different behaviors and goals of life. Therefore, the importance of
understanding your child should not be underestimated at all. Get to know
your child and do not compare your child with any other; yours is different
and special in their own way. Asking questions and listening to them will
help you understand your child better. You can understand your child better
by gaining their trust. Let them know that you care and you are there for them
anytime they need you. However, this picture is somehow hard to create as
most parents are more into work and other life responsibilities such as getting
their children a better life. Create time for your children and try to catch up
with them, for example, you can take some time in the morning before going
to work and stir up a conversation between you and your child.
Communicating with your child and engaging with your child are two very
different things that parents seem not to understand. You should engage your
child in the communication and let them say what is in their mind but not you
doing all the talking. This way it becomes easier for your child to listen,
understand, and always obey you. Do not say one thing and do exactly the
opposite. There are several ways in which your child can gain sensibility to
what you are saying and understand them. Maintain eye contact with them.
This will help the child know your reactions to different behaviors. It is also
good to ensure that you also look at her while she speaks with you; this way,
she will be able to grasp every little detail about their reactions. You can
understand their feelings through their eyes and facial expressions. For
example, most parents know their children are lying by looking at them eye
to eye. Anything that your child says and you don't seem to understand try
putting yourself in her shoes or feelings and reflect on what you think she
might have said. It is also good to note that you get what she said before
trying to give her a piece of your mind too. Be patient with the child and get
their attention. It is equally good to explain why you did not agree with them
on their ideas. Always hear out your child and pay attention to what they are
feeling not just what they are saying. This will help you grow closer to your
child. It is also good that you can learn about your child's moods. Be able to
differentiate when she's sad, angry, and happy or simply wants to stay alone.
You should also pay attention to how they relate with other people around
you be it relatives, siblings, friends and so on. This could help you learn a
thing or two about your child and know what to do to help them develop
emotional intelligence.

Help your child beware of their emotions and how to deal with them.
Children who are well aware of their emotions can manage them very well.
For example, a child who has good emotional awareness can easily describe
what is wrong with others. Children are often unaware of their emotions.
They are unable to interpret situations and things. They tend to react to things
when they happen. They are not able to analyze their behavior. This is where
the parent now comes in and guides the child in the right way. They help the
child understand their behaviors and help them manage their emotions.
Children require tools to become emotionally aware. A parent has to be able
to develop skills that will help them create self-awareness. Focus on
recognizing the child's feelings. Clear out the air to your child when you are
angry. Talk to them about the difference between positive and negative
emotions. Also, explain to them why they need to recognize how they feel.
Discuss with them how these feelings control his behaviors and how they can
manage them. Try asking your child how she feels about things maybe like
friends, school, and movies, etc. focus a lot more on what she is feeling rather
than the actual content. For example, when your child starts talking about a
movie they had seen and what the people in the movie were doing stop and
ask them what they felt about the movie. Find what makes your child happy,
angry, or sad and discuss the feelings you have figured out about your child.
Talk to your child about how certain behaviors and feelings affect them and
other people. Also, try putting in your situation and explain to them how you
feel when you are angry, happy, sad and your child is most likely going to
follow your example. If you are not sure what to do to recognize and
understand their feelings you can seek professional help or advice from more
experienced parents like your parents. Spending time with your child helps
them connect more and they become more emotionally aware of their
behaviors. Children whose parents are not with them tend to feel more alone
and tend to always like spending time alone. If your child was very joyous
and you have never experienced this you should seek professional help if, by
all means, you have not been able to get through to the child.

Raising a child is not entirely a walk in the park. There are ups and downs to
ensure that you raise your child in the best way possible. Therefore, all
parents should learn the art of managing and controlling their emotions. It all
starts with the parents before it goes to the children. A family that teaches
their children the right way of handling their emotions experience a bit more
of a relaxed life knowing that their child can easily control their emotions.
Seeking professional help where you can be also highly advised as this will
play a big part in your child's development. It is known that it is very hard to
control teenagers and therefore it might be hard to control or help them
discover their emotions intelligently. This is why it is highly advised that
parents should teach their children about emotional intelligence while still
young because they will grow knowing the right way of life.
 CHAPTER 5: LEADERSHIP
AND EMOTIONAL
INTELLIGENCE: A
GROWING RELATIONSHIP
Leadership and Emotional Intelligence: A Growing
Relationship
Most organizations are being led by leaders who have great analytical skills,
experience and are results orientated. These traits are born out of the
emotional intelligence of the leader which enables them to realize the
organization's goals. However, a good relationship is created by these leaders
who empower them to realize the organization's objectives. They give up on
the fact that they should always be right and consult widely before making a
decision. By doing so, they escape the trap of being judged and explore skills
and talents around thus creating the acceptance and adored among people.
There is an overlooked quality found in most leaders, which enables them to
create a conducive environment for their workers. It is a sure way of
improving organizational productivity and relationship, which enhances long
term improvement in the system for better sales income.

The ability to manage other people's feelings relies on the fact that of being
able to comprehend their needs, understand their feelings and control the
outcome in a genius way. Through that, one is always able to acquire the
ability to handle employees at the workplace. Leaders take the same initiative
to build on such abilities to improve the relationship they have with the
people around them. The administrative nuts and bolts fashioned by leaders
around the world revolve around these facts. Since emotions tend to affect
everyone, the initiative to take control of such a phenomenon makes the
world a better place, and the leadership skill which comes with it is
admirable, and it can take one very far. Due to the growing complexity in
society, high emotional intelligence has been the key to winning the
stakeholder’s heart and maintaining them to honor the deal. The effective
communication skills and an in-depth understanding of leaders vitally play a
big role in enhancing such engagement. It makes them feel accepted and
loved in society.

How to Build the Relationship

Initially, a leader needs to make a sound decision on what to do with sound
judgment on productivity. The internal awareness created by leaders makes
them understand every situation that comes their way and how to deal with
people at the organization. They are not only aware of their emotions, but
also that of others. By doing so, leaders can recognize their weaknesses and
limitations. Anyone who can recognize own limitation and weakness stands a
better chance of understanding others, and even they can create great bonds
with other people. Ever imagine someone who does not understand own
feelings, how do you expect them to understand yours? How will they relate
to you when all they know or think about is themselves? That is to hash, but
it is the truth, and one should always be aware of it all the time. Internal
awareness cannot eliminate our emotions from how we tend to influence or
make a decision, but it allows us to make rational judgments. The
subconscious decisions we make daily affect how we live with others, how
we react to every event in life and even how we carry ourselves around. It
allows people to see things from a different perspective and make judgments
depending on the experience and the emotional intelligence of the leaders.

Leaders tend to regulate their ego in such a way to impact other people’s
lives. They make others to be the center of attraction through emotional
intelligence they possess. It is very rare to see a leader doing somethings
which are so uplifting with less recognition in their part. They make the
world a better place for others and forget themselves in the process. Create
avenues that later become a source of income for many in the community. By
doing so, they still tend to control their emotions on how they react, how they
act around the less fortunate individuals in society. However, good deeds
help them gain respect and admiration among people thus creating strong
bondage with people. Such characters are very rare, and wherever applied, it
must be from someone who is emotionally intelligent, a person with a strong
personality to persuade and influence.

Ever wonder how politicians can control people, how they can manipulate
and concur with the mind of individuals in a given setting? It is not a walk in
the park, neither it is that hard to do so. All it requires is dedications and
mastery of the emotional intelligence facts. These people know how to
regulate their feelings, how to convey messages carefully without hurting
other people’s feelings and in the end, they win hearts. A personal
relationship with these people is so amazing that they tend to nurture the
relationship with a good rapport they tend to create. As an employer, placing
yourself in employee's shoes and feeling what they are going through makes
one be a great employer. Since they can understand what they feel and how
the employees should be treated, the employers stand a better chance of
receiving good services from these people.

Sometimes one can wish to take back their words, the wrong they did to other
people out of anger or the negative utterance which has ruined the
relationship with other people, but it becomes hard. This relationship can be
due to a lack of emotional consideration and control when making such
mistakes. Realistically, one should always be responsible for their actions,
but sometimes it becomes too late to be responsible, and they usually end up
regretting the initial actions. Out of negligence and misunderstanding, they
have caused other people irreversible pain. Therefore, taking care of the
initial action or by controlling the emotions, one can live well among people
and become the talk of the community through their deeds and how they
handle each situation that comes their way.
Furthermore, increased empathy for people makes the relationship strong and
long-lasting. People with high emotional intelligence have a high sense of
understanding, and they tend to gauge their emotions in relationships with
others. By doing so, they make life comfortable for others, which ensures that
people live peacefully in society. Through empathy, one can take other
people’s feelings, fears and worries as their own. It became more bearable for
everyone in the relationship. It always allows them to explore other avenues
for living with the knowledge that someone will watch their back.

Typically, having a great team in an organization is achieved through better

team engagement skills. It is prudent for leaders to engage a team which
cannot be achieved overnight, but through obligatory emotional guidance
from experience on how to handle people. When team leaders and teammates
disagree on some issues, there is a better way of reviving the relationship
through understanding and deeper reconsideration of the intention behind
such actions. Moreover, the disagreement is in every organization among
employer and employee, but how the disagreement is handled is what make
the difference.

The way people act convey their feelings when faced with a problem, how
they reach an agreement tend to make them different from all other
relationships which are still stuck at their initial stages. Also, seeking help
and guidance is not a form of weakness but the acceptance that you are
vulnerable at one point in life and just like any other person, you seek
guidance. The culture of the organization can be the same, which is always
the case, but how the employer and the employee view them make the
difference. In some instances, there are conflicting views and actions that
tend to give rise to disagreement among people in such settings. Being bold
enough to stand your ground in such situations normally sends a mix of
feelings to people who are concerned with the revelations.

For one to grow a relationship, there is a need for both parties to reach an
agreement and work towards it. One should take an interest in what interests
the other. For instance, in a relationship, one should always be willing to
support the interest of their partner to build an admirable bond and long-
lasting relationship. Once in a while, you can join him or her in that sporting
activity they like and enjoy their company, and sure enough, they will always
appreciate your gesture. Make the occasion lovely for everyone around thus
creating a great impact on their life. Besides, everyone will always feel the
kind appreciation and selfless instinct, which makes them lively and wanted.
Have you ever wondered why you are more attracted to some people than
others and what usually creates such feelings? At one particular time, you
will like some characters and dislike others. This kind of relationship is
natural and it is accepted since everyone has a choice to create own destiny
through choices they make in life. Just like supporting the same football team
with your partner, when the team performs badly, you both feel bad. Having
a lovely conversation about the same line of interest make life more
enjoyable and the relationship admirable. Our brain is a great organ, and it is
responsible for how we behave, and the incoordination of the mental model
enhancing emotional intelligence enables one to achieve much in
relationship.
 TRANSACTIONAL AND
TRANSFORMATIONAL
LEADERSHIP THEORIES
Leaders who are emotionally intelligent provide a working environment that
is conducive and feels safe for the employees. In this environment, the
employees are not afraid of taking calculated risks, air their opinions and give
their suggestions concerning particular issues. This environment enables
collaboration between the leadership and subordinate thus making it easy for
the organization to meet its objectives. This culture becomes solid in the
organization and things just flow.

Emotionally intelligent leaders can use their emotions to take the organization
to the next level. This is because leaders are responsible for affecting any
necessary changes in an organization. With their emotional intelligence, they
are able to foretell how certain changes will affect the organization and the
kind of emotions they will trigger and thus planning ahead on ways to
execute them without causing commotions.

Emotionally intelligent people do not take things personally. A leader with

emotional intelligence will go-ahead to execute a plan without considering
how it will affect their ego. Leaders who have personal issues with
employees make the working environment not very conducive for working.
They reduce productivity in the workplace.

Transactional leadership theory tends to assume that there is a difference

between the leader’s desires from those of his followers. This leads to the
leader being required to motivate the followers extrinsically failure to which
the follower might forfeit on the leaders’ orders and desires. Transactional
leaders can monitor and respond to small operational details faster since all
their focus is on the daily operations of a company. They are keen on any
detail that is geared towards building a strong reputation in the marketplace
while making sure that the employee’s performance and productivity are at
par.

Transactional leadership is more concerned with the flow of operation. They

want the operation to remain afloat. Transactional leaders normally use
disciplinary to punish their followers and incentives to motivate them
towards great performance. From the term transactional, it is clear that
leaders use extrinsic motivation to lure their employees in performing well. A
transactional leader is not concerned about the future of the organization. In
fact, they do not set a strategy that will guide the organization to take the lead
in the market they instead ensure that the organizational operations flow as
expected on a daily basis.

Transformational leadership is a concept with a different approach to solving

dilemmas. Transformational leadership does not provide extrinsic motivation
to the followers but instead, it is committed to change the desires of the
followers so that they can be in line with those of their leaders. If the leader
can succeed in transforming the wants of his followers so as to much his own
desires, this would give his followers great motivation to pursue the goals and
vision of the organization.

Altogether transforming the desire of your followers is not an easy task. In

fact, as compared to motivating them externally it is tougher. There are four
main tools that can be used in transformational leadership to assist in meeting
the objective of assimilating followers. These tools are; idealized influence,
inspirational motivation, intellectual stimulation, and individualized
consideration.

A transformational leader is ambitious; he takes milestones that are beyond

his normal activities and operations and crafts strategies that will enable his
organization, department, or team to move to the next level or to produce
results. This form of leadership emphasizes team-building, motivation n and
working together with the employees at all levels in the organization aiming
at achieving better results. The transformational leaders are goal-oriented and
they normally set targets and push their teams to higher performance levels.
They provide opportunities where their employees develop themselves
personally and professionally.
While running a small business, a transformational leadership style can be
essential to its strategic development and helping its growth. When
transformational leaders take up a role in small businesses, they can really get
too ambitious goals and achieve great success within a short period of time.
This is because the leadership is focused on the vision and team-building
skills of the leader which is then passed on to the employees.

Leadership is not an easy ordeal. It has its own highs and lows but most
likely it is stressful. Being a leader means that hundreds or even thousands
are looking up to you for guidance and thus emotional intelligence is key.
Most leaders who do not have emotional intelligence are most likely prone to
get overwhelmed by stressful situations. This is mostly because they are
unable to handle their own emotions first. This might lead them to being
passive-aggressive or even attack their juniors verbally.

A leader who has no emotional intelligence makes the working environment

conducive. This is because the employees are walking on eggshells all the
time trying not to step on their leader least, they encounter an outburst. This
lowers the productivity of the employees and their cohesion. This is because
the employees are too distracted by the fear of their leader to concentrate on
work and bonding amongst themselves.

Their lack of collaboration in an organization whose leader lacks emotional

intelligence. When a leader cannot control their own emotions and tend to
react to a situation rather than handling them appropriately and
professionally, the employees are nervous even about contributing their ideas
and opinions in fear of the response they will receive from their head.

Leaders who lack emotional intelligence are not limited to people who
overreact to situations and lash out to employees. It can also be described by
leaders who are unable to confront and solve matters that are surrounded by
emotions. Most leaders are in charge of solving conflicts in an organization,
and if in any case, a leader is not sensitive to other people’s emotions, they
might not even recognize there is a conflict in the first place.

Leaders who are self-motivated are consistent towards their goal and work
aiming at meeting them. They motivate their employees to work hard and
achieve the goal set. They are obsessed with quality work and this makes
them set very high standards to ensure their objectives are met. Emotionally
intelligent leaders develop a healthy relationship with the results they attain
after their hard work. However, they are keen on not getting obsessed with
the small wins they experience.

Empathetic people are able to place themselves in other people’s situations

and figure it out from their perspective. Empathy is a very important
character for a leader. A leader with empathy supports the growth of their
employees both personally and career-wise. They are able to air criticism
without being offensive and intimidating. They seek feedback regularly from
their employees on the progress of the organization thus enabling them to
carry out an evaluation of how far they are as far as the company’s vision is
concerned. These kinds of leaders motivate employees to produce exemplary
results.

Leaders who possess good social skills are good with communication. A
leader needs good communication skills especially when introducing change
in the organization or is delivering a new project, employees need to get to
the core of it and this can only be so if communication is effective.
Emotionally intelligent leaders have the maturity to receive both good and
bad news without creating a fuss about it. This makes employees trust them
and their judgment and do not shy away from updating them, concerning
anything. Leaders who have good social skills are also great planners. They
plan, effect, and oversee events and changes being executed in the
organization and are able to solve any arising conflicts diligently without fear
and favoritism.

Leaders with emotional intelligence have self-regulation. Self-regulation

helps them sober up and not to abuse their powers. It enables them not to
attack and undermine people just because they can. A leader with self-
regulation takes time to rethink a decision before implementing it lest it
compromise their values. Self-regulation requires a person to keep their
emotions in check and to have self-accountability so as to avoid affecting
others with their uncontrolled behavior.

A person with self-awareness is fully aware of their feelings and how they
affect other people who are around them. A leader who is emotionally
intelligent does not shy away from exhibiting their strengths and weaknesses
despite their position. Even in leadership, they are humble enough to admit
that they are not perfect. This is attractive to the employees and enabled
employees to be free with their leader thus creating cohesion in the
organization.

An emotionally intelligent leader has good relationship management skills.

This is portrayed by their ability to coach, mentor, and influence other
people. It also applies to your conflict and problem-solving skills. Research
shows that for your team to be happy, you need to raise the tough
conversations most leaders ignore especially about conflicts. It is aiding that
unresolved conflicts can eat up to eight hours of working in an organization
through gossip which will kill morale for the employees hence lowering
productivity for the day.
 DEVELOPING
EMOTIONAL
INTELLIGENCE SKILLS IN
LEADERS
Leadership skills are not easily acquired hence, leadership is not for
everyone. Good leaders are those that can strategize, take initiative, plan, and
achieve their goals. Emotionally intelligent leaders are the best gate pass for
successful leadership and governing. A leader that knows how to control
emotions is fit to hold leadership as compared to a leader who easily loses
their temper very fast and shouts at their workers when stressed. Daniel
Goleman, an American psychologist was one of the persons that helped bring
emotional intelligence into popularity. He stated that a good leader must have
some elements of emotional intelligence. These skills are perceived in a
leader, while at work; they associate freely with their teammates and often
encourage teamwork. They can build up a working team and motivate them
to achieve the set goals. They go through good and bad times together,
celebrate their victory together and address challenges a team. An
emotionally intelligent leader can understand and control the emotions of his
subjects or workmates.

Understanding is an important trait for all leaders. Achieving productivity

requires an environment that every employee feels comfortable with. The
more comfortable, the more the productivity since the employees feel
appreciated. The ability to build and maintain an interpersonal relationship is
becoming the ground for highly effective leaders. This reflects the emotional
intelligence level of a leader. Whenever the interpersonal relationships are
working well there is credibility and trust. Great leaders work their way up to
improve their teams and organizations. They work to inspire and motivate
those that are around them. They build trust among them and the workers.
They develop and support others and are always there to celebrate their
success and encourage them when things do not turn out as expected. They
act with integrity and are honest with every team member. They build
relationships that make each team member feel loved and valued. Zenger and
Folk man came up with thirty-eight ways of becoming a good leader, these
ways may include focusing on possibilities over problems, career aspirations,
being mindful about your employees and subjects and so on. How effective a
leader is can double up the profits of a company. Emotional intelligence can
have a very great and positive impact on society. The elements include self-
awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills.

Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is the key thing and the most important element that a leader
should have. Self-awareness is when you understand your strengths,
weaknesses, and the ability to control your emotions. You are also able to
recognize the feelings of your employees and team performance. You can
note how your emotions and actions affect the people around you. Self-
awareness can also be termed as behaving with humility. According to
research done by organizational psychologist Tasha Eurich, 95 percent of
people in the world think they are self-aware yet only 10-15 percent of these
only are aware of their actual self. It is also good to make sure that your
employees are fully aware of themselves. Working with employees who do
not have self-realization could cut up the team's bonds. This leads to
increased stress and decreases motivation. For you to be able to bring out the
best in other people, you should first be able to bring out the best in you. This
can be achieved by evaluating your performance and hold it up against your
friend's or employers' opinion. Also, keep a journal that will help you
improve self-awareness. Writing down your thoughts each day can help you
move to a higher level of self-awareness. It is also good to know how to
control your emotions. Slow down each time you get angry or feel frustrated
by somebody. You will always have the option of not getting angry and
rather sit down and examine why the particular thing is making you angry.
This process will help you gain insights into your behavior and be able to
discover how others perceive you in the organization.
Self-Regulation
This is also similar to self-management. It refers to the ability to manage your
emotions in, particularly stressful situations. It also helps you maintain a
positive approach to events that uplift you and act as a setback to your life.
Leaders who lack self-management tend to react negatively to setbacks and
are never able to keep their impulses in check. However, leaders that have
emotional intelligence and easily manage themselves react positively to
setbacks and do not jump into conclusions anyhow. There are several steps
that you can take to help you control or manage your emotions like talking a
walk or break from the thing that is stressing you or breathing in and out.
This will help you respond positively to stress and adversity. There are
several ways in which can help you gain the ability to self-manage yourself.
Knowing your values and spending time understanding them matters most in
the process of self-regulation. Know the code of ethics for doing something
wrong and making hasty emotional decisions. Holding yourself accountable
for anything that goes wrong will also enable you to manage your emotions
very well. Stop trying to blame others whenever anything goes wrong. Learn
to accept correction where it fits. Knowing that you can easily get laid off
work just because of a mistake you did and trying to pin in on others will
help you commit yourself to keep calm, agree to your mistakes and make the
right decisions. You should also practice being calm whenever you are in a
challenging situation. It is good to be aware of your actions. Take breathing
lessons, note down all the negative things you might say in such a situation,
tear the paper, and throw it away. This helps you ensure that you don’t let
your emotions get the best of you.

Motivation
Self-motivated leaders work persistently toward their goals. They produce
high-quality work and they have very high standards for the work they do. It
is good to learn how to motivate yourself or rather improve your motivation.
Always reexamine the reason as to why you are working. People tend to
forget the reason why they love their career and what reason is behind all the
work done. Note down one of the reasons why you are there. Work towards
going up higher and higher the career ladder. Aim at getting promoted or
becoming the CEO of that company. This greatly improves your motivation.
Knowing your stand in the company or organization is also a good thing.
Expound on how motivated you are to lead. Take time and learn from other
leaders on their self-motivation. Know where to get your motivation from.
Being hopeful is also another way to increase your self-motivation. Be
optimistic and find something good about what you want to achieve at the
end of it all.
Empathy
Leaders that have empathy put themselves in other people's shoes. They
easily understand someone's situation. They help in developing the people in
their team and can challenge those that are not emotionally intelligent. Paying
attention to someone's body language could also improve the way you view
other people’s situations. The body language tells a lot about how you feel
about a situation. With this, you can respond in the right way. Learning how
to respond to feelings also helps a leader build a strong team to work with.
Responding and addressing someone's feelings could be the best way to make
them feel valued and more loved.

Social Skills
People who socialize well and are good communicators have the highest
possibilities of becoming great leaders. They are good at resolving conflict
and managing change. They set a good example to be emulated and they
don’t just sit around and give orders. They learn how to praise others and be
of inspiration to other people. They are experts in making a strong team and
getting them to be always on their side.

Relationship Management
This is your ability to influence, coach, mentor others and effectively resolve
conflicts. Some people choose to ignore conflicts not knowing that they are
creating even bigger harm than what already happened. Managing
relationships well helps you become a great and highly emotional intelligent
leader in the future.

To be an emotionally intelligent leader requires a lot of work and

determination. You must have a solid understanding of how your emotions
and behaviors affect the people around them. A leader that relates well with
their social surrounding has a higher possibility of becoming more successful
in the future. Taking time to work on the above-detailed elements will help
you much in becoming the successful leader you want to be. Leaders are said
to be the tone of their organization and hence it is very necessary that a leader
should have all the good elements and skills to hold over an office. Lack of
these skills could bring about a lot of hazardous problems in society at large.
 LEADERSHIP
DEVELOPMENT AND
EMOTIONAL
INTELLIGENCE
Leadership development can be defined as the activities that improve skills,
confidence, and the abilities of leaders. People often spend a lot of money
trying to train, coach and mentor people to become successful leaders in the
future. However, coaching and mentoring are two different forms of
development that are commonly used to guide and develop leaders. The
success of leadership is highly influenced by the quality of the program
given, the support given to them, and the characteristics of the person being
trained. Leadership development is aimed at producing a high level of leaders
that can undertake any task in the best way possible. High performers are
recognized using these leadership programs. Not all people are born with
these leadership skills. There are some personal traits and behaviors that
hinder somebody from being a leader. However, leadership can be learned
via experience and efforts. There are different methods of leadership
development they include; developmental job assignments, 360-degree
feedback, formal instruction, executive coaching, and self-directed learning.
These methods may be more effective while combined rather than applying
each on its own.

Formal Training
This training is given by organizations to leaders to provide them with the
skills and knowledge that are required to develop emotional intelligence. This
was brought about by Kozlowski in the year 1998 where traditional styles are
known to be the best ways of developing a leader. This, however, has its
limitations as leaders mostly find it hard to shift the lecture from a class
setting to a work setting.

Developmental Job Assignment

Organizations also assign developmental jobs to new leaders. A
developmental job helps leaders learn their personal change and its
importance at being more emotionally intelligent. They gain leadership skills,
learn how to undertake roles and responsibilities and tasks involved in the
job. These assignments have become one of the most effective ways of
gaining leadership skills. They challenge leaders with new skills and help
them by pushing them out of their comfort zone. It helps them work and
adapt to working in a more complex environment. This environment has new
elements, problems and can solve problems easily. During these
developmental jobs, they also can gain freedom of socializing and can make
new decisions and relate to other people freely.

360-Degree Feedback
This is an important element of leadership development that helps leaders
maximize their learning opportunities from their particular assignments. It is
methodological and it provides learners with a view of their performance
from all angles of viewpoints. This includes subordinates, superiors, peers,
and their self-assessment. However, leaders tend to get confused with
information coming from all over and they may find the information
contradicting. This helps the learner to be able to process whatever
information they may have been given. The effectiveness of this method is
that the learner must be able to acknowledge feedback and be willing to make
the required changes.

Coaching
This mostly focuses on enhancing the leader's effectiveness and their
effectiveness in team organization. This is a one on one relationship that is
aimed at introducing important lessons via assessment and support. Coaching
can, however, be to correct a mistake made, but it is most importantly used to
help already developed leaders to move into their next level of
responsibilities and more complex challenges. Its main aim is to help move
leaders towards achieving their laid-out goals. These goals help in improving
individual and organizational growth.

Self-Directed Learning
Here the leaders are supposed to teach themselves new skills on leadership.
They pick out selected areas for development that they feel they are
comfortable with. This method is good since the learner sets their own pace
and speed to learn. It helps acquire a broader perspective in the field and what
it takes to help one become a successful leader. This also enlightens you to
other skills and properties that had not been initially taught addressed in the
field of experience.

Different leadership models have risen due to various researches that have
been done. McCauley, Van Veslor and Ruderman in the year 2010 described
that there is a two-part model for describing emotionally intelligent and
developing leaders. The first part stated that there are three elements
combined to make a developmental experience stronger. These elements are
assessment, challenge, and support. The assessment helps leaders know their
stand in areas of their strengths and developmental needs. Experiences that
are a challenge to leaders help them extend their ability to work outside their
comfort zone. They can gain new skills and can gain the ability to respond to
challenging situations in the right way. Support from people around you like
the bosses, colleagues, friends, and family help a lot to handle the struggle of
developing. The second part of developing leaders is that the development
process involves several developmental experiences and the ability of
learners to learn from them.

Leaders that have a higher ability to learn from experience will be able to
seek out developmental experiences hence increasing the ability to learn and
acquire more emotional intelligence skills. This leader development process
is rooted in one leadership context that includes age, culture, economic
conditions, gender populations and so on. The environment that the learner
holds the key to becoming a better leader in the future.

Leaders that have fully been developed are now ready to hold office.
However, one is not ready if they are not emotionally intelligent. Leaders
who are emotionally intelligent harbor safe working environments where
their employees and workers feel comfortable to work in. Workers can air out
their opinions and grievances. This environment is responsible for the
productivity of the company or organizations. They can use their emotional
intelligence skills to take the organization forward. This is another important
aspect that leaders should maintain and learn. They are able to calculate the
reactions of the workers if any sort of change is done in the company. They
are able to understand people's situations and know how to deal with and
solve conflicts.

Emotionally developed and intelligent leaders do not take matters personally

but they can stand out ahead of everyone else with solutions and plans
without creating any unnecessary drama. An organization that is led by a
leader who has poor emotional intelligence is likely to fall and become less
productive. A leader who is not emotionally intelligent creates a stressful
working environment for the workers. Here you will find workers always
talking in whispers discussing issues which in reality they cannot air out to
their leader for help. The workers feel they are not comfortable and this
hinders collaboration within the company or organization. This has a
disastrous effect on the productivity of the organization. These workers are
always afraid of what is to come and therefore no focus is seen among the
workers. A good leader should at first have the ability to deal with conflicts
and engage their workers in creating a favorable environment for work. A
leader who cannot control his or her emotions cannot be able to control other
people. They cannot understand and address situations rationally. How will a
leader solve conflict if they are not emotionally intact with the people,
therefore, having a very hard time solving these conflicts?

Being aware of your emotions is very helpful in how you interact with other
people and also helps you influence and guide other people in the proper way
of life. Therefore, leaders should be competent in their ability to come
through in times of crisis and be able to think clearly and calmly about the
situation at hand. The effectiveness of a leader is measured on their ability to
handle their emotions. They are therefore able to create great interpersonal
relationships with people around them. A good leader should be a good
problem solver and does not let their emotions get in the way of their work. A
leader, for example, can use questions instead of using statements to help
trigger emotional views on others. This makes the workers feel that they are
not left out and makes them feel valued and needed in the organization.

A good leader does not only require handy skills for them to fit but a leader
should also have emotional intelligence. This emotional intelligence will help
them solve issues and will help them create a bigger relationship circle with
employees by making them feel loved and valued. This, in turn, increases the
productivity of the organization. People here tend to be friendly and to be
always on their best behavior. The development of leaders with their
emotional intelligence is, therefore, an important part that should not be left
out. Leaders in the making have to have high emotional intelligence than
others. All leaders know that there is a stronger power in their emotions and
therefore, they tend to learn and understand these emotions properly. They
also learn how to manage their own emotions and then taught how to manage
other people's emotions. This is an important trait that should be achieved by
each leader.
 CHAPTER 6: IMPORTANCE
OF UNDERSTANDING
EMOTIONAL
INTELLIGENCE
Emotional intelligence leads us to enjoy a happy and fulfilled life by giving
us a framework by which we align our standards of our intellective towards
our emotions, how we respond to them and understanding that the responses
may be consistent or inconsistent logically holding specific beliefs about
emotions.

The researchers have found out that people with high emotional intelligence
ranging from interns to managers are well equipped to work cohesively. They
follow the terms and conditions effectively, are able to accommodate and live
with change, and manage stress easily and these characteristics enable them
to meet the business objectives of the organization they work for.

Emotional intelligence gives a person self-awareness. They are able to

understand their emotions and how they affect the people around them. The
first step towards introspective self-evaluation is self-awareness. This enables
us to establish behavioral and emotional aspects of our psychological makeup
which we can use to make changes within us. Self-awareness enables us to
know what motivates and brings fulfillment to us. It involves such things as;

Self-regulation enables one to control one's negative or disruptive emotions

so as to adapt to change of circumstances easily. People with great self-
regulation skills are good at managing conflict, adapt perfectly to change and
are responsible.
Self-awareness enables one to be self-motivated. These people have an
intrinsic desire to attain self-gratification rather than expecting external
praises and rewards. People who are self-motivated are more committed to
their ambitions and goals.

These people demonstrate empathy. They have the ability to interpret other
people’s feelings and are likely to consider those feelings before reacting or
responding to social affairs. It is empathy that gives people the knowhow of
the dynamics that influence relationships either socially or in the corporate
space.

People with great self-knowledge have good social skills too. They possess
the ability to manage other people’s emotions through monitoring and
understanding them. They have a good rapport with people through the use of
skills such as active listening, verbal, and nonverbal communication.

Most people with emotional intelligence are prone to excelling academically.

Emotional intelligence also plays a major role in mental and physical health
and has a good record in professional domains. Findings from Bar-on shows
that people with high emotional intelligence excel in life better than those
with low emotional intelligence. In the modern corporate space, they are
emphasizing more on employees having higher emotional intelligence over
academic qualifications.
A person with high emotional intelligence should be appreciated to a greater
extent. The person possesses the ability to understand and control their
emotions. This understanding gives them an upper hand in one realizing their
true potential. We must be aware of our starting point in order to monitor our
progress since a destination is useless if you do not know the origin.

Emotional intelligence plays a major role in ensuring that we connect well

with other people and improve our interpersonal relationships. When it comes
to us achieving success either in the workplace or social relationships it is
also a prospering factor. It also helps us deal with stress and improve
motivation or refining decision-making skills in life.

During times of adversity, we need emotional intelligence. This is because it

has the power to influence leadership and teamwork effectiveness and
personal resilience too. The importance of someone’s resilience is helping
them cope with stress and stressful conditions. Research has proven that
people with a high level of emotional intelligence are not likely to succumb
to the negative impacts of stressors.
There is an expectation that in leadership roles the increase in responsibility
may coincide with many potential stressors. This makes high emotional
intelligence a key factor in leadership and managerial positions. Research
shows that individuals with higher levels of emotional intelligence and less
likely to be affected by the presence of stressors.

It is universally accepted that our emotions are driven by impulses and we

have minimal or no control over it. But we do have the capacity for self-
management and control. An example is a pilot who is calm and rational in
spite of the aircraft landing gear being jammed or a surgeon who continues
with their responsibilities despite having lost a patient in action.

This act of self-regulation develops on the basis of self-awareness and is a

key factor in becoming emotionally intelligent through practicing the ability
to set ourselves free from irrational reactions. Management of self is
generated from this and allows a person to use their emotional knowledge to
better manage them in order to motivate themselves and to create positive
social interactions.

Most leaders with an aptitude test self-regulation are not likely to be

aggressive, confrontational, or making uninformed decisions. Self-regulation
and self-management, however, do not mean someone does not have anger
but it means that they are able to maintain control of your emotions and not
allowing your actions to be emotion-driven. In instances of negative emotions
as anger, emotional intelligence helps in determining the exact feeling that
you have and it’s caused. This happens through reflection and self-
examination which allows a person to be rational in their response.
Self-regulation is very important compared to other facets of emotional
intelligence. It can be nurtured from childhood to adolescence and through
adulthood. Having self-management gives you a chance to open door to other
aspects of emotional intelligence especially in the absence of self-regulation
other competencies like good communication and conflict management
which are usually a great challenge.

Self-regulation helps develop some quality skills which can help counselors,
psychotherapists, small business owners, managers, and executives in their
profession. Employees with high emotional intelligence spent a lot of time
reducing the cost of attrition and increasing productivity. They end up being
the happiest employees.

Emotional intelligence enhances reasoning and it’s a way to be smart since a

person can merge both their intellectual and emotions both in every aspect of
their lives.
 WAYS TO IMPROVE
EMOTIONAL
INTELLIGENCE
Be Confident in Communication
When someone is confident in speech, it earns them some kind of respect that
prevents them from being too aggressive or passive. Emotionally intelligent
people have a way of putting their point across or airing their opinions and
needs in a way that is very direct yet not offensive.

Responding to Conflict Instead of Reacting to It

In times of conflicts or disagreement people almost possess the same feelings
of anger and emotional range. How we react to the feelings portrays the
difference between the emotionally intelligent and those who are not. The
emotionally intelligent know how to stay calm and control themselves in
those times of conflict. They avoid impulsive decisions that can escalate the
problem even higher. They are aware that in these times of conflict the main
objective is resolving the situation not making it bigger. They make
deliberate choices to remain focused on the ultimate goal making sure that
their actions and words tally with the objective. How you respond to issues
comes from the knowledge that you are responsible for your feelings and
conduct.

Be an Active Listener
While holding a conversation, emotionally intelligent people are keen to
listen to every detail of the conversation for clarity instead of waiting for their
turn to air their opinion. They are sure of the topic of discussion and falling
of events before responding to the matter or even answering back. They are
very attentive to the non-verbal details of a conversation. This puts them in a
better position to avoid misunderstandings. They allow the listener to have
their turn in the talk in a way that shows respect for them.

Have a Motivation
People with emotional intelligence are self-motivated and they have a
positive attitude that motivates other people. They set goals which they work
hard towards attaining. They are resilient during tough times in their journey
towards achieving.

Embrace Ways That Will Help You Maintain a Positive

Attitude
A person’s attitude is very powerful and it should not be underestimated. A
negative attitude can really infect others if they allow it to. Emotionally
intelligent people are aware of the attitude that the people around them are
emitting and they remain cautious of their own attitude to avoid the influence.
They are aware of what to do for them to achieve a successful and optimistic
day. These activities could range from having a good breakfast or lunch,
beginning the day with a meditation or devotion session, or writing positive
quotes and placing them on their desks or laptops.

Have Great Sense of Self-Awareness

Emotionally intelligent persons have a great intuition and a great sense of
self-awareness. They have vast knowledge of their emotions and how they
can affect other people around them. They use other people's emotions and
body language and use that information to advance their communication
skills. People who are aware of themselves are able to detect emotions when
they appear. It is very vital to be flexible with your emotions. When changes
occur, you should be willing to adapt them to the new situation. Of course, it
is important to allow your emotions stage time but make sure you are not
rigid with them. Take ample time to reflect and process your emotions before
talking them out.
Respond Well to Criticism
The most important reason why you need to increase your emotional
intelligence is so as to be able to take in critiques. People with high emotional
intelligence take time to understand any form of criticism that comes their
way and where it is coming from without necessarily having to act defensive
or offended. They get to the roots of criticism to understand how it is
affecting others or their performance and try to look for ways of correcting it.

Have Empathy
Begin by practicing empathy with self. If you notice a certain feeling inside
of you or find out that you are behaving in a certain way that is different from
normal ask yourself why you think you are feeling the way you are feeling or
doing what you are doing. In the beginning, you might not have the answer to
that question but with close examination, over time you will begin
encountering different answers for the same. After you have learned to
empathize with yourself it will now be easy to pass it to other people.
People with high emotional intelligence know how to empathize with other
people. They have an understanding that empathy shows strength emotionally
not weakness. This helps them to have a good relationship with other people
on a basic human level. It allows people to have mutual respect and
understanding especially those of different opinions, ideologies, and
situations.

Make Good Use of Leadership Skills

Emotionally intelligent people possess excellent skills in leadership. They
uphold high standards for self and this is something that influences the people
around them positively. They take the lead and are firm with decision making
and problem-solving. These skills give them an advantage and a more
productive level of performance at the workplace and in life.

Make Sure You Are Approachable and Sociable

People with emotional intelligence are easily approachable. They are warm to
people, they smile and that translates to a positive presence. They are skillful
in how they relate with different people. They have mastered social skills that
enable them to socialize with anyone regardless. They possess great
interpersonal and communication skills. They communicate clearly both
verbally and non-verbally.

Take It Easy
Take time and process every feeling that comes to you. Most of the times we
experience emotional outbreaks because we don’t take some time to rethink
why we are feeling the way we are feeling and how we can resolve that. It is
important to take a break and make an intentional decision to meditate or
engage in a different activity other than what is bothering you. This allows
time to make a rational decision before reacting to situations and this makes
the whole difference between emotionally intelligent people and those who
are not.
 CONCLUSION
Thank you for making it through to the end of Emotional Intelligence, let’s
hope it was informative and able to provide you with all of the tools you need
to achieve your goals whatever they may be.

The next step is to practice what has been discussed and take the discussion
further by engaging your peers, colleagues and even family members in the
somewhat controversial debate about what emotional intelligence is and why
the society needs more emotionally intelligent leaders. This will get more
people to appreciate the importance of emotional intelligence and ultimately
learn how they can develop and apply emotional intelligence to solve their
daily life challenges.
Take note of all the tips offered in the book about how to apply emotional
intelligence at work, college, home, and relationships. This is the main area in
our lives where we spend most of the time and energy and it is only fair if we
understood how to address the challenges that arise without causing
emotional distress to the people around us. Make it a personal responsibility
to foster emotional intelligence around you. Get people to tap into their
emotions and understand how they feel before seeking to understand what
other people feel. Emphasize the importance of listening to each other and
seeking to understand each other’s point of view before drawing conclusions
or getting into heated arguments over small issues. As highlighted in the
book, emotionally intelligent people are understanding, self-aware, confident,
and empathetic.

Finally, if you found this book useful in any way, a review on Amazon is
always appreciated!
 NARCISSISTS
Understanding the Hidden Game of Emotional
Manipulation, Recognize and Avoid Toxic
Relationships and Healing Yourself After
Psychological Abuse
 INTRODUCTION
Congratulations on purchasing Narcissists, and thank you for doing so.

The following chapters will discuss narcissists, the type of personalities they
target, why, and how to overcome narcissistic abuse. Narcissists exist and
live among us. Therefore, almost everyone will have an encounter with a
narcissist either as their partner, boss, colleague, parent, or sibling. Therefore,
it is important to learn and understand how narcissists manage to control and
drain other people for their own benefit. Narcissists are manipulative,
demanding and cocky; these are characteristics that lead to problems
thereafter in all types of relationships from romantic, professional and
personal relationships. Unfortunately, it is not easy and sometimes possible to
change a narcissistic person. They believe they are always right and require
acknowledgment from their partners. As such, they do not take criticism
lightly as it also injures their already damaged inner self. Therefore, it is up to
society to learn about narcissism and how best each person can protect
themselves from narcissistic abuse.

Self-protection from narcissistic abuse starts with learning to identify a

narcissist from the onset. This ensures that you do not fall for their charm and
fake demeanor. From that point on, if you wish to continue engaging with the
narcissist, it helps to know how the narcissist manipulates you by making you
believe that you are at fault when something goes wrong even when it was
their fault. The following chapters will show you how to respond to the
narcissist in a manner that does not aggravate them but makes it clear you are
not falling for their manipulative traps.

However, despite there being a lot of resources about how to overcome or

deal with a narcissistic partner, sometimes the only solution is to end your
association with the narcissist. This is advisable when you feel totally lost
being with the narcissist because your self-esteem and image is damaged by
their disapprovals and constant manipulation. At such a time, it is important
to seek room away from the narcissist for healing. It helps in recollecting
yourself and regaining your self-esteem and confidence. It all starts by
understanding that you were never the problem; the problem was your
narcissistic partner.

There are plenty of books on this subject on the market, thanks again for
choosing this one! Every effort was made to ensure it is full of as much
useful information as possible; please enjoy!
 CHAPTER 1: THE
WEAPONS OF A
NARCISSIST
Narcissists usually use various weapons to lure their victims into fulfilling
their egocentric desires. They are very tactful when it comes to the seduction
of their victims to enable them to satisfy their ego. One should be very
careful with these types of people by studying their characters and analyzing
their behaviors to enable you to be able to not get into their nasty traps.
However, they are always ready to use gifts as their weapon mostly when
they want sexual favors’ from their victims. As a narcissist, when they have
an interest in a woman, they try as much as possible to lure her with whatever
he thinks the woman desires so much to attract her attention and bring her
closer into his ring. After fulfilling his sexual desires, he will definitely dump
that woman or girl and move to his next victim.

Furthermore, the narcissists will use their financial position as their weapon
to achieve their wants. If the narcissist’s victim is not financially well, he will
attract his or her attention by exposing his financial status to the prey. He will
financially support his victim with the intention of manipulation and after
having have used him, or she withdraws his support, thereby leaving the prey
in a very awkward situation.

Blames are also another important weapon for narcissists, and they often use
blame games quite often. They will blame their victims, thus making them to
conceal their inadequacies and to raise their positions in the organization.
They will always make people believe that they are the best people to be
looked up upon as role models in a work environment at home or even in
school and will thus tend to be the ones to blame and punish those who go
against their will.
We cannot leave the projection behind as it is also another crucial weapon
used by a narcissist .It is a process by which narcissists reveal who they are
and what they are doing. The narcissist will always be quick to give out their
CV and brag about their achievements and reputation to make others believe
how important they are to be praised and seen to be great people in the
community or organization. They will always talk about how good they are
when they want others to appreciate them and respect them to bring the
victims closer to them so that they may find a chance to manipulate them.
They will also talk about how bad and dangerous they are when they want
others to fear them when they are caught up in trouble or in a very tricky
situation that is complicated.
In relationships and marriages, narcissists will often use sex as a weapon
when they know that their partners love sex and cannot do without it. A
narcissistic wife will deny her husband his conjugal right if she wants an
important favor from her spouse or if she wants to show him how special she
is in a relationship or marriage. Narcissistic men will also do just that if he
knows that his wife is a sex maniac. What step can you make if you are in
such kind of a situation? Moreover, have you ever done such kind of thing to
your spouse? If you have, then you should understand that you are a
narcissist.
Narcissists also find it very easy to use social media with pleasure to exploit
their victims and express their exaggerated feeling of importance because it is
a wider platform that they can easily access. There is Facebook, Twitter,
Instagram, and many more social sites that narcissists will use to manipulate
their victims. If you are a narcissist, I am pretty sure you have used these
social sites to do that, haven’t you? The silent treatment is also another
special weapon used by a narcissist. This kind of treatment they often use in
relationships in a case where disagreements and misunderstandings occur
between them and their spouses. They will use this to make their spouses feel
rejected and to derive a sense of self-importance and to indicate that they play
a much bigger role in a relationship.
 LOVE BOMBING
According to psychologists, love bombing is portrayed as the practice of
overwhelming someone with trigger attraction and adoration to manipulate a
person into their charm. The narcissist design away by which a person will
tend to spend more time with them to influence them. Though on the surface,
the word love bombing may sound to be great. After all, everyone needs to be
loved, appreciated and cared for in this current century. Therefore, the heart
bombing to mean the manipulation through initiating desire is majorly used
by narcissists to sway and control their victims.

A narcissist is skilled at making things to work out very quickly than

expected, and they are good at ramping affection to the extent that the victim
ends up being confused about what to expect or do but to give in to their
influence and manipulation. On the second date, they are prone to call you
sweetheart, baby, beautiful, and other flattery names to make it up to you.
Within a blink of time, they will start showing up with flowers and gifts at
your workplace or home to make you happy. By doing so, they usually make
their victims feel wanted and appreciated by the insinuation that they are
perfect in their eyes. They are out there to get what they want in a
relationship, and they are good at promising heaven while on earth, they will
tell you how they cannot live without you, how they have found the right
person in you that they cannot stand losing to anyone. In most cases, they
will confess how you have changed their life since the day they first set eyes
on you, and they are not ready to let go. With a lot of infatuations and
exaggerations, they are prone to get hold of your heart as they want.

One may fall in love with a love bomber narcissist without realizing how it
has happened. In most cases, the victims only realize after they have
committed a lot of time and resources in the relationship to the extent that
they cannot bail out of it easily. When it reaches that point, one just has to
bear the pain and live their life as normal. There is nothing they can do to
reverse the situation. It is normal for these narcissists to hurt people and they
do not take it as a great offense to do so to anyone they come across in life.
Besides, you must watch out on the kind of partner you are committing your
time and resources to in a relationship. It has nothing to do with the trust
issues; even if you trust the right person, the chances are high that the
narcissist is there to hurt you and not to build something meaningful with
you. How I wish people could learn much about these people before avoiding
chances of being abused, messed up and manipulated in a relationship.

Habitually, narcissists tend to be there when you need them. Most of the
time, you may be at your low end, and you need someone to talk to, share
with what you are going through in life. Love bombers will always take
advantage of such situations to be with the victim in the pretense of helping
while at the back of their mind; they are out to capture and destroy. They will
take such opportunities to pretend that they are actually in love with you and
later, they pull all the things together to work towards their advantage. Such
habits may prove to be dangerous, but that is their technique of getting to
their victims. There is nothing we can do about it, and one only ought to be
very careful when engaging such characters more so when it comes to a
relationship.

In most cases, one may wonder how they can identify a love bomber when it
comes to relationships. One should not worry you at all, the things you need
to know about these people are just within your reach, and it is only a matter
of time and insight to rediscover the greatest concept of relationship failure.
If you find someone who is always in dire need to solve all your problems at
once, be careful with them, most probably they are not genuine, and they are
just out to make your life miserable. Usually, their main intention is to reduce
your self-worth in order to take advantage of your inferiority. In most
instances, they are not much superior to you are; it is only that they
exaggerate things to make them seem as if they matter most. What you will
discover may surprise you that these people have nothing to offer, all they do
is to yap now and then making the problem to less weighty for you to carry.

How narcissists use shame to control, manipulate, and influence others.

Sadly, these people are the ones who have an extreme fear of embarrassment.
They fear embarrassments like a plague and they will always avoid any
chance of being embarrassed by fellows through any means possible.
Ironically, they openly have no trouble triggering the same bullet to others.
They find it fascinating and pleasurable to shame others. Normally, they
rejoice in doing those things that may have a negative influence on others,
and in return, they triumph at the consequences they cause others in society.
These people are good at retelling another person’s story, whereby they add
their own flare of additional shame. Usually, they do so in public or in private
as long as they get the story to share across with others. These normally
happen after any achievement in life has been attained which demands a
story. In such a scenario, they claim that they are just trying to keep the
person who has to attain something In life humble by criticizing their
accomplishments, but in reality, they are envious about the achievements, and
they are out to humiliate them.

One thing that should be taken into consideration is the fact that the narcissist
is prone to gather more information about the person for later use. They are
good at storing crucial information for tainting other people’s images in order
to shame them in the future. In most cases, they use charm to entice a person
to share crucial, which concerns their confidential details to gain full prove of
the matter. The story gained from the other person is used to get back on
them when the time of shaming has reached. Moreover, they are constantly in
dire need to shame others when slightly provoked by anyone. They are out to
break people’s confidence by refocusing on the previous failures shared with
them in the past.

Typically, they are good at exaggerating the faults of other people in order to
manipulate and influence them into their view. The perception they have that
no one is perfect, make them more dangerous and influential than anything
else. It makes them feel that they are the most superior beings on earth and no
one should compete with them. Besides, they make people feel inferior by
exaggerating their faults, which makes them feel as if they cannot manage
anything. They do so to put people in their place as they usually claim to be
doing. However, most of the narcissist has no good intention for others, and
they are up for revenge and unhealthy competitions which do not benefit
either party. They rather miss out on something as long as it does not benefit
anyone else within their social circle. All they desire is for the other party to
suffer and not get any benefit from anyone else. Imagine someone who is
always delighted at your suffering while they are in a position to bail you out.
In most cases, they will dwell on the faults of a person and later claim that
they were just joking after the damage has been done. You may be wondering
how weird it may sound, that is their way of thinking and perception and you
should get used to it.

Furthermore, the narcissist is known for their blame-shifting behavior which

they use to attack others in the society. Whenever something goes wrong, it
will never be their problem at all, they shift the blame to others and come out
clear on the situation through many make up excuses. The narcissists will
tend to dump all the responsibility for their actions on others to take the
blame and at the end, they find a way to device a crocked strategy to get on
the other people by shaming them when they do so, they are likely to get their
way through the matter at hand. Also, the narcissists in a relationship tend to
portray others as the children, and they want to be seen as the adults in a
relationship. By belittling others, they gain full control over them and make
their life unbearable in a relationship. Imagine that person who has always
demean you as inferior, and they would not seek any clarification when they
need to do something. Most probably, they will decide for you and create
unfavorable conditions for discussion. High chances of making the other
party feel as if they do not exist in a relationship when it comes to the
decision-making process escalate more problems. They create an implication
that they are mature and they have developed into full adults while their
partners are still young and need to develop. Despite the age difference that
may exist, they will not let go of that perception.

It does not matter the religious difference that may exist among the
individuals and the narcissists in a relationship. It is good to remember that
there are set expectations and standards of every religion. A narcissist is out
there to twist the religious beliefs in such a way that they imitate every bit of
it to manipulate and influence the believers in their way of making. They will
always use the beliefs to study the mental schema of the believers and later
trick them to get what they want. However much they seem to resist, victims
usually fall for these traps set by the narcissist. On rare occasions, you will
hear someone claiming that God has sent them to you to proclaim a great
future he intended for you. On such occasions, one should be very careful
about how they engage such narcissists to avoid being exploited through
tithes and offerings they may demand the service.
Most of the narcissist are known for their tendency to comparing
accomplishments in life. They do not care about the procedure, way or trick
used by a person to gain what they currently have in life. All that matters to
them is how so and so is better than the other person. How the
accomplishment was done first or more efficiently is the focus of the
narcissist. By outperforming the other party makes them feel great and
superior to the other person in question. Who does not like to be the best to
have the most adored company which employs many individuals in the
community? Certainly, that is the wish of most people, but the narcissist is
not always happy with that. They seek away on how to demean the already
establish event so that they can create a new impression. By doing so, they
can divide and conquer the minds of people. It feels good to them, and they
do not give a damn on what the others are thinking as long as they can get
what they want. How ungrateful, heartless and ruthless that may sound, but to
whose concern can that be directed to. No one cares about you unless you
care for yourself and one should get used to that bitters truth to swallow.
Besides, they are concerned with how they can create a long-lasting
impression that will leave people in awe. When they enter a place, the
attention they attract through loud and aggressive voices is so immense that
even the deaf can here of everything.
 NARCISSISTS USE FEAR
AS A WEAPON TO
ATTACK THEIR VICTIMS
One may wonder how anyone can instill fear and get on with what they want
without much ado. Naturally, people do fear different things in life, and the
narcissist is good at identifying what you fear most. Why would they do so?
They do that to manipulate you, influence, and control you into their way of
thinking and doing things. Woe to you if they know what you fear most
because that could be the beginning of your downfall. How I wish I knew this
before, but it is not too late to get the insight of what to expect from these
individuals. Regularly, they will be amused to instill fear in you for them to
get what they want. They do so through their insightful nature where they
have got more information on what you may fear, the reaction to expect and
the level of openness that may be derived from such actions. In most cases,
they will intend to get into an argument with you and later shoot out the most
dreadful fear that may bring back the trauma you had suffered before. By
doing so, they make you feel as if you do not deserve anything in this world
but the suffering they rejuvenate in your life.
Typically, when people are engaged in an argument, they lose their emotional
grip and explode to the occasion making their brains for functioning in a
reverse manner. At this moment is when the narcissist triggers the fear in the
opponent by reminding or threatening them of their fears, thus making their
lives more vulnerable than ever before. The confusion brought about by the
fear they instill makes them happy and delightful of the problems they have
created. They make life difficult for others, and that is what they are usually
good at doing to anyone who has crossed their path. I wonder how they make
a living out of that selfish behavior they possess. Sometimes I wonder how
they can gain more energy and insight by frustrating others. In reality, it is
more devastating to be frustrated by such individuals, and to some extent,
you will lose respect for them and even hate them for what they have done.
This kind of perception is a clear indication as to why they have few friends,
and they do not know how to attract more friends into their life. Besides, they
are loners who seek comfort in hurting others to make their lives more lively
and enjoyable. What kind of life is this anyway?

In an argument with a narcissist, the chances are high that they will make a
comment, which will make someone more irritated, thus triggering confusion
in their head. After instilling the fear in someone, it makes one take one step
backward, hesitate in taking action, and by doing so, the opponent gets the
opportune time to get on with the fight at hand. The opponent, who is a
narcissist, in this case, will gather all the resources needed to make life
unbearable and miserable after instilling the fear factor in a person.
Moreover, it is their divisive plan to make you fear what they are capable of
doing, which may turn out to be a reality if they have full information about
what they have just told you during the fight. One should not confuse the fear
and threat, a narcissist may use both sometimes, but on most occasions, they
prefer using fear strategy to get on with what they want. Sometimes it is the
fear of failure which has been holding you back from achieving great things
in life, as a narcissist, this could be the weak point which they will most
probably dwell on if you cross their line.
The fear strategy is used by the narcissist to keep you at your place as they
normally say. It is a check on status if you could change or remain stagnant if
they remind you of the dreadful things in your life. If, by any chance, they
have realized that you had a failed marriage, they will use that concept to get
back to you. Moreover, they are good at reminding you of the cause of
marriage failure which in most cases is bound on your fault. You are prone to
hear words like “no wonder you cannot keep your marriage, I wonder how
this long you were able to survive in a marriage.” With such kind of words,
one will tend to withdraw and reflect on the relationship they had in the past
and the possible information that the narcissist have about the marriage. What
they intend to achieve by instilling fear is only to make them more superior
and to harm the victim. When they can revive the trauma you had suffered in
the past, make tour life miserable and hopeless, and create more tension in
your new relationship, that is when they get satisfied with their actions.

One may hear a child complaining to their peers how they fear of being
reported to their parents on the actions they have done. They usually warn
others not to infringe on the friendship they have by reporting their actions to
parents. Such children and more fearful of the narcissist threat to reporting
them to their parents, which could be the capitalizing center of the narcissist,
thus making them too submit to all the flaws thrown at them. Therefore, they
are likely to do anything as long as they are not reported to the parent. A
narcissist is good at capitalizing on such fear, and they will constantly remind
the other person on what they have done in order to get the desired favor they
seek from the peer. They will remind them of the things to expect if they go
on and report the matter. These kinds of characters make them more feared
by the victim thus subjecting them to be their slave and getting what they
want when they desire without any much ado in their part. All they need to
do is to remind the victim of their actions and repercussions of their actions
how they are going to suffer out of such situations they had put themselves
into as per their actions.
 HOW NARCISSIST USE
SOCIAL MEDIA AS THEIR
WEAPON
As we all know that narcissists are always self-absorbed people, they will
obviously use social media to attract attention from their allies to satisfy their
ego and desires. Social media provides a larger platform for everyone to
share their views and opinions, and so narcissist is not exempted. They will,
therefore, use social media to their advantage, for it is a very special weapon.
The necessity of narcissists to be in the frontline in everything and their
unlimited desires make others vulnerable at their expense. Since they want to
be the center of attention, they will easily extend this tendency in social
media with no regret at all. Making them feel superior while airing their
views and perspective of life.

Additionally, most of the narcissist always tends to update their profile status
to attract attention from their friends in order to be recognized as trendy. No
wonder most of the narcissistic students always take advantage of social
media to improve their lifestyle and to get attention from men, especially
ladies who want to prey on desperate men whom they may render them a
financial gain. However, the malignant narcissist often uses social media as a
playground to give them easy access to multiple victims and the ability to
create love triangles in most insidious ways. They use these platforms for
such petty power plays because they want to be insatiable in their attention-
seeking and their desire to derive harem of people who admire them.

They also use social media to self-aggrandize. A narcissist with an inherent

belief in their superiority like glorifying themselves on social media, unlike
vulnerable narcissists with lower self-esteem who will bloat at any resistance
from the social media fans who prey at their posts. Besides, social media
often give them space to praise themselves because it is a wider platform that
allows them to be recognized by many people all over the world.

Unfortunately, online narcissist always takes sadistic pleasure in bullying and

taunting others because they possess provocative characters which do not
accommodate other people’s views. They always use social media as a
platform to stalk and harass their ex-lovers to make them feel bad. So it is no
wonder that many narcissists in their cyberspace are the types who hand out
death and rape threats as easily as they would party invites. Engaging with
these people in a relationship can prove to be the worst mistake you can ever
make in life. Imagine being stark down by your ex-lover when you are in
your honeymoon party when on birthday gate out, which should be a
pleasurable moment in your life. Though regrets are there, some are too
hurtful to bear or accommodate for a very long time. Breaking up with these
people may prove to be the easiest thing ever, but maintaining your stand
after break up can be so frustrating and disheartening.
 UNAPPRECIATIVE
WEAPON
Lack of appreciation can impact someone’s life in a greater way beyond
repair. Imagine performing your best, and someone does not appreciate your
efforts; all they do is to ridicule the pleasure you take at your slightest
achievement which has little impact. What kind of feelings is that? How will
you feel after being up all night trying to make the endless meet, and when it
breaks, someone tells you that your efforts are not worth the time placed on
it. A narcissist is good at ignoring or putting an effort off immediately; it is
handed to them. They make it seem inappropriate and not worth the coin no
matter the kind of effort which has been invested in the task. Nothing seems
to be good in their eyes, and they believe that what you have one not worth
the investment. According to these people, no one is perfect except for them.
You cannot please them, so it is high time you stop trying to do so. No one
will appreciate the effort put forth.

If you see celebrity faltering out of their career, it is not their fault, it the
audience that put them in such situations. Imagine perfuming your best rap or
music, and no one is moving an inch to your tune. They do not like what you
are doing while at the same time you try all that within your power to make
them feel good, to make them enjoy the party, and be paid for it. How
unfortunate can that sound to anyone out there? What if you want to start
your music career and realize that no one is likely to love the song genre you
are doing? Though humans will remain the same until you encounter a
narcissist who believes that what they are doing is the best way to go, how
they do it and the steps they make are the ones you should take at any level.
Woe unto you who is out to please these narcissists who are full of
themselves and does not believe that someone can be gifted than them, all
they know is that they are the best. I always wonder how they get along with
their spouse in marriage leave alone the friends and relatives who may not
live with them daily. The fact that their facial expression cannot be hidden
from the victim makes them more obvious on their judgment state they make
on others.
Characteristically, they take the judgment role when faced with a situation
that needs their evaluation and decision making. It becomes very difficult if
they are the ones to make the final judgment on what others have done. Their
mean nature will not allow them to appreciate what needs to be appreciated.
Instead, they will make it more difficult for the doer to proceed to the next
level. Besides, people with these kinds of attitudes are prone to leave in a
devastating lifestyle, which does not deserve to be accepted for the benefit of
all the eternity.
The hell breakthrough when you have a narcissist as a partner, getting used to
their behavior, may tend to be difficult. The marriage will become more
boring and enjoyable for the whole family. These people tend to criticize
everything they see or hear about anyone. They do not enjoy being told a
story; instead, they prefer to tell the story even the one they know nothing.
When giving them stories about anyone, try to be more careful lest you stand
a chance of being judged by them. They always look at the slightest mistake
you are about to make or the missing information you may omit while telling
them something and use it against you. Nothing seems to amuse them; all
they see is the fault and the omission in your part. This kind of criticism
becomes worse when you have to deliver the performance report on what you
have done. At this point, they make it more difficult and hard on you to
perform better than what you have been able to achieve. Factually, they are
the perfectionist of the house who does not tolerate any nonsense more so
when it comes to education. They will always insist on the top-notch
performance to be delivered to them by the children. How you get there is not
their issue; all they need is the best results, which must be attained by all
means possible.

Ultimately, they tend to pull people off by faking the amusement they have
for the performance one has put forth. They make it more difficult for the
performer to express their achievements since they prefer better results than
the attained one. How to live with this kind of people may prove to be the
most difficult task on earth. You will do everything within your power to
make them happy, but when the results are finally out, they are not even
moved by the effort put forth by the initiator. They only appreciate things
when they are alone and do not bother about the reactions and consequences
of their actions, which may hurt their partners or siblings.

Moreover, their sensitive nature makes them more distinct from other people
in society. Any slight provocation elicits their inner feelings, thus making
them explode. They are only concerned about their achievements, and anyone
trying to achieve more than what they have achieved creates a competitive
ground. In this case, they would only envy the achievements and try as much
as possible to compete with you or outdo you in your own game. The fact
that they are tactful creates more space for them to make your achievement
more miserable. The chances of tainting your name based on the past
information they have on you may prove to create more enmity between the
two parties.
 HOW NARCISSIST USES
THE SILENT TREATMENT
AS THEIR WEAPON
The reason why a narcissist prefers silent treatment as the weapon of choice
is that it is powerful and easy to get away with and is a way of inflicting pain
without the physical remarks. Narcissist feels that silence is a dignified, high
road response though it is not. In relationships and marriages, the narcissist
will use silent treatment because they do not expect it to damage their
relationships with their partners. They will fail to engage their spouses in
conversation to make them feel less wanted and to signify that without them,
their spouses cannot find someone better to share their problems with if they
are always fond of talking to each other daily.

In a working environment, the narcissistic boss will use silent treatment by

ignoring employees’ views and opinions and failing to share own. This kind
of treatment will make the workers feel rejected by their boss and will create
an inferiority complex among the employees, thus making a narcissistic boss
feel superior and that without his giving his opinions, the organization will be
standing still. Nevertheless, this is not encouraged because it will lower the
level of production in an organization and create a tense environment
between employers and employees.

A narcissistic wife will use silence against her husband in a situation where
the husband is involved in infidelity and will deny him his conjugal rights.
She will ignore his husband's sexual advances for several days, weeks, or
even months thus making the husband feel rejected in a way he least
expected. She will turn her back to the husband when on the bed to prove to
the husband that he is cheating on her is a way of showing disrespect to their
marriage. This silence will create a tensed environment in a family set up that
will sometimes even lead to divorce. She will then move on into another
relationship with another man who will make her feel much appreciated and
loved in a specials way she expected.
 USING SEX AS A WEAPON
Sometimes you may think that sex is just a normal enjoyment until you
engage with a narcissist. The horror that will accompany you after engaging
with a narcissist cannot be resisted. Therefore, how do we go about it, how is
it able to influence our daily activities and the repercussions of having sex
with these people. Why do people tend to feel empty after such engagements?
That is what we are going to discuss to unravel the main reason as to why
you should avoid this kind of people like a plague. Create more time for
yourself to engage with fruitful people and not the users who only intend to
get their satisfaction.
This concept could be gruesome, but they need to talk about it is so great
since it has much to do with many people's lives. Most of the people who
have suffered in the hand of these narcissists may not open up for fear of
being judged by others. The inferiority the narcissists have instilled in them
makes them feel that they belong to such situations and there is nothing
pleasurable that may come from the outside world. I normally wonder how
some people could be adamant about such crucial behaviors. Though some
believe that having sex with these people is so great that they cannot manage
to break loose from their grip, they tend to have an energetic bond with them
that no extraordinary force can break, thus making them endure the pain
which comes with such engagements. I always wonder how some people
could be blinded in the name of love and keep on living as refugees with
people who hurt them the most.

Naturally, many narcissists are sexually active, and they know how to hunt
their victims well. They focus much on the satisfaction they can get from a
person and go for it. Besides, they are going getters who know what they
want in a relationship, and they will not hesitate to make the first move after
identifying the victim. Through sex, the narcissist can gain A-grade
narcissistic supply; people will show much appreciation and attention
towards what they do and how they do them. Being in the center of your
universe is the prime position desired by the narcissist, they know that you
will always sort for their advice, opinions and the take they have on an issue.
If you do not know what amuse these people, most are the knowledge that
you are helpless and out for their refuge and attention at all times. They will
use such opportunities to make life more unbearable for you, and to some
extent, you may feel that they do not care about your feelings, the only thing
they do not give a damn about the matter. How could they care about you if
all they need from you is sex, and you can provide that in abundance? If you
are still wondering how they manage to get full sex and still control your
behavior, then you are in the right place to discover more. It becomes very
easy for them; all they need to do is to discover the missing emotional
attachment in your life. These may include past grievance or unresolved
emotional attachments that may exist before they found you. It is worth
noting that not all your friends deserve to know your past faults and
mistreatment you had in a relationship, some are worth keeping for yourself.
In case you encounter a narcissist, one should be worried about their past
grievances which led to separation in the relationship.

Furthermore, this kind of formula appeals to them when they snare on the
female victims who have been hurt severally in a relationship. They make it a
taboo to them, thus inviting fear in their hearts, incapacitating the culprit to
adhere to the conditions set by the narcissist. The misguiding fact that you
can trust anybody in an intimate relationship makes it hard for the females to
withhold their experience which normally lead to invasion and exploitation
by the narcissist, they believe that when you are in a relationship, you should
trust anybody irrespective of their take and perception in life.
As for men, all that matters to them in a relationship is the physical beauty
that they can see in a woman. The other things are invalid in case you are
dealing with a narcissist. The main agenda in a relationship is to use you
maximally and explore them in such a way that cannot be reversed. Any
complaint about such behavior is met with explosive retaliation, which tends
to shift the problem to the partner. How does one engage in such a
relationship which has little to offer, no assurance that they will remain
faithful no matter the situation you may be through in life.

The big problem with these kinds of people is that they do not take
responsibility for their actions, they will extend the problem to the next party
and deny the blame. Even if you caught them red-handed cheating with
another partner, they do not take it personally to apologize and make things
right. All they do is to shift the blame to others who have to take that
responsibility as their own. Whether you are suffering from trauma,
uncertainty, and past stressful behavior, they do not care. In fact, they take
pleasure in making your life miserable, which could not be the case for
partners who desire better things for the other. It is not the love they seek in a
relationship, and one should take that out of their mind as soon as they get
engaged with these people. All they need is company and sex you can
provide. It becomes very difficult when the narcissist is a female partner, and
the chances are high that they will use every possible avenue to get what they
want from the outside if you cannot satisfy their needs. Moreover, they do not
intend to engage in a long term relationship, which will waste their time and
resources.
 CHAPTER 2: WHY ARE
NARCISSISTS SO
ATTRACTIVE?
People confuse narcissism for High self-esteem
The "charismatic air" possessed by narcissists, their flashy clothing, their
confident practices, their enchanting looks, and their sometimes clever
funniness regularly establishes a major first connection. Simultaneously,
individuals appear to be great at precisely seeing narcissism in others based
on negligible data. Sometimes even simply physical appearance is normally a
sufficient prompt to precisely point out narcissism. Which brings up a
fascinating issue: for what reason are narcissists - people who are portrayed
by very elevated levels of exhibitionism, pomposity, feeling of
predominance, vanity, privilege, exploitativeness, and the perpetual
requirement for praise from others - so appealing?

Psychological specialists have established that there may be more than meets
the narcissistic eye. To reveal further insight into the appeal of narcissism,
they analyzed whether narcissists establish constructive first connections
since individuals may mistake narcissism for high confidence. While
numerous individuals will, in general, imagine that narcissists score high as
can be in confidence, the relationship among narcissism and confidence is
entirely little, and narcissism and confidence have altogether different
formative pathways and outcomes. Those with solid confidence accept they
are commendable and skillful, and take a chance to establish cozy and
significant associations with others, yet don't really consider themselves to be
better than others. Conversely, narcissists think they are better than others,
yet they don't really see themselves as commendable. Undoubtedly, in light
of the fact that they regularly come up short on an inward steady feeling of
self-security, the narcissists' feeling of confidence is frequently essentially
reliant on the approval of others. It is possible for people to easily confuse the
two?

This is exactly what the specialists determined. Individuals who scored high
in narcissism and confidence were seen as having higher confidence than
individuals who were similarly high in confidence yet less narcissistic. They
even saw dating profiles and found that hetero female members demonstrated
more noteworthy enthusiasm for meeting guys who were increasingly
narcissistic dependent on their Tinder profile pictures, and this impact was
explicitly clarified by a higher view of confidence, not narcissism. These
outcomes recommend that the impression of narcissism was being abrogated
by the constructive outcome of view of confidence in preferring. Yet, here's
simply the kicker: views of narcissism were related to not liking an individual
much. Truth be told, the example of more noteworthy enjoying of narcissists
was turned around when perceivers were unequivocally informed that
narcissistic targets scored higher in narcissism. In these cases, individuals
favored the individuals who scored high in confidence yet low in narcissism.

For what reason do individuals see narcissists as having particularly

high confidence?
These findings recommend that those scoring high in narcissism establish
constructive first connections since individuals see them to have high
confidence, making them neglect their narcissism, even in dating profiles.
Nonetheless, individuals aren't pulled in to the narcissism as such, and the
example of more prominent loving was turned around when perceivers were
expressly informed that individuals scored high in narcissism. For what
reason are such a significant number of individuals misperceiving narcissism
as confidence? The analysts raise a few conceivable outcomes. One
probability is that individuals hold a verifiable conviction that narcissists
have extraordinarily high confidence. Thus the view of narcissism may lead
them to gather higher confidence. This plausibility appears to be impossible,
considering the impression of narcissism was adversely connected with
enjoying the individual.

An almost certain clarification is that narcissists are master controllers of the

sign related to confidence. Confidence is a socially important attribute, and
different investigations have likewise discovered that individuals are seen all
the more emphatically when they are seen as having more elevated levels of
confidence. It's reasonable that those scoring high in narcissism is very
mindful of this reality, and deliberately present themselves in manners that
pass on high confidence. There is likewise likely an association between the
perceiver and the narcissist. It takes two to tango. Since those scoring higher
in narcissism do will, in general, be more famous and have bigger informal
organizations than those scoring lower in narcissism, individuals may have
the drive to connect with them to achieve status by affiliation. All things
considered, to have narcissistic needs is to be human, and narcissists are truly
adept at attracting helpless individuals who are especially inadequate in their
regard needs.

All things considered, a few people might be almost certain than others to see
narcissists all the more emphatically not on the grounds that they are
defenseless, but since they have their very own amazingly high drive for
economic wellbeing and power, and figure the narcissist can assist them with
arriving at their objectives. It would trigger enthusiasm for future
examinations to take a gander at the narcissism levels of the perceiver. While
narcissists can be so charming from the outset, the fascination is probably
going to flounder once individuals start to perceive the narcissists' less
attractive characteristics and the shallow idea of the association. To be sure,
narcissists live in the "emerging zone," circumstances including unacquainted
people, beginning period connections, and momentary settings. It is in this
zone narcissists are bound to be seen decidedly, in light of the fact that they
are spurred to establish a decent first connection.
Interestingly, narcissists will, in general, fail spectacularly in the "enduring
zone," circumstances including familiar people, proceeding with connections,
and long haul outcomes. As the relationship grows, narcissists start showing
practices that are assessed contrarily, for example, presumption and
animosity. Narcissists consistently come back to the developing zone since
they are dependent on the positive social input and enthusiastic surge they get
from the rising zone. Thus, they are great at being well known, making new
companions, and securing societal position, however, regularly have
extraordinary troubles continuing important and close connections.

Suggestions
There are clear ramifications here for dating and governmental issues. In the
domain of dating, frequently, the most significant dating accomplices won't
declare themselves with statement clothing and a superbly organized grin.
Actually, it's an incredible inverse: those with sound confidence typically
don't feel the relentless need to report their most noteworthy characteristics
forthright, in light of the fact that they are sure that all will be uncovered in
time they have a steady feeling of worth. Maybe we should all give
individuals to a greater degree a possibility in the domain of dating and
connections, and not botch being saved or even just unobtrusively certain as
an absence of confidence. As far as suggestions for governmental issues,
think about this investigation: "Is high confidence a way to the White House?
The understood hypothesis of confidence and the ability to decide in favor of
presidential candidates." Since such a significant number of individuals are
influenced in their democratic choices by their impression of the confidence
levels of the competitors, it appears to be essential to precisely recognize
narcissism and high confidence - particularly if the present leader of is
giving a lot of expectation and motivation to narcissistic performers that
they, as well, can one day become president.

At long last, there are some significant ramifications for those scoring high in
narcissism. It has been determined that those who adopt narcissistic
characteristics tend to cause an immeasurable level of suffering to themselves
and others, as well. Rather than spending so much deliberately controlling the
impression of others, their time would be better spent developing a genuine
feeling of self-esteem and really acing things that make them feel glad for
their earned ability. While we regularly don't consider narcissists enduring,
and it's exceptionally simple to take a gander at the conspicuous braggart
with deriding happiness, we should perceive that to be narcissistic is human,
and we as a whole move our position on the range for the duration of our
lives. At the point when self-importance gets too huge, it can prompt
incredible helplessness, dread, tension, and even wretchedness. Along these
lines, precisely recognizing narcissism and sound confidence is entirely
significant, not just for the perceiver who scores low in narcissism, yet
additionally for the individuals who value esteem.

However, the age impact should not be overlooked because, as individuals

get more established, they in all probability become increasingly exact at
recognizing narcissism and high confidence and are less inclined to find
narcissistic acts of certainty or confidence alluring even from the first
encounter.
Narcissists know how to market themselves
Narcissists love themselves. Also, shockingly, as indicated by science, we
love them as well, which doesn't appear to be reasonable. Shouldn't there be
something in a general sense ugly about an individual who winds up so
accursed appealing? Clearly not. Emanuel Jauk of Austria's College of Graz
conducted an investigation in the ongoing version of the European Diary of
Character that affirmed our most noticeably awful feelings of trepidation (and
narcissists' fondest wants): Individuals find narcissists more alluring than
non-narcissists — in any event, with regards to dating. Jack set up an
examination, including 90 individuals who took an interest in the progression
of speed-dating meet-ups. Speed-dating, however weak, goes about as a
decent feature to accumulate individuals' quick responses to potential dating
accomplices.

Each member was assessed to decide their degree of individual narcissism.

They have likewise demonstrated photos of the other speed-dating members
and requested to rank their physical allure. Jauk's subjects at that point
experienced a few rounds of speed dating coming about in the right around
700 "dates" and afterward were approached to rate the individuals they
collaborated with. They were approached to state whether they needed to
collaborate with every individual in a transient relationship, magnificently
depicted by the analysts as "masterminding gatherings only for sex on a
specially appointed premise" or a long haul relationship. The outcomes were
intriguing. They obviously demonstrated that, in dating circumstances,
individuals love narcissists. There were clear connections among the
individuals that people chose for short-and long haul connections and their
degrees of narcissism. To cite a Watchman rundown of the investigation,
"those with the most elevated scores on the narcissism scale additionally
would, in general, be seen as generally attractive by individuals from the
contrary sex."

While these outcomes may be baffling for all you non-narcissists out there
searching for short-or long haul snare ups, when you consider it, they
shouldn't be such astonishing. There are certainly a few factors about
narcissists that will intelligently cause them to flourish in a dating domain.
First of all, narcissists care what they resemble so much. What's more, while
that may be irritating as hellfire in the long haul, especially in the event that
you need to impart a washroom to them, with regards to dating, physical
appearance plays a colossal job by the way they select a partner. We live in a
culture of extremely fast early introductions, where your choice to engage in
sexual relations with somebody can be controlled by whether you saw their
Tinder picture as "swipeable." Along these lines, if narcissists (because of
their own absurdity) go through throughout the day attempting to make
themselves look astounding, indeed, that most likely will well work in
support of them when they're out on the town, hoping to connect. It plays to
their qualities.

Narcissists are likewise, by definition, sort of edgy for self-esteem. They

need you to adore them as much as they love themselves. And all that self-
esteem implies that they have a huge amount of experience selling
themselves. Each day, they look into a mirror and remind themselves that
they are wonderful. With such practice, they will get entirely great at it,
which gives them the advantage of a major deal with regards to pitching
themselves to you. They realize all their best points. They flourish with
regards to the introduction. They realize how to make individuals love them.
Does certainty additionally play a factor? Sure. Individuals who are sure and
individuals who are smoking hot have a major bit of leeway with regards to
dating. Yet, Jauk's examination is fascinating in light of the fact that it shows
that, in dating circumstances, certainty and physical engaging quality are just
littler factors in the bigger narcissist game. The Integral explanation it
appears as though narcissists flourish at dating is on the grounds that the
entirety of the relative "manifestations" of narcissism regard for physical
appearance, honeyed words, extroversion make it seem as though they're
trying to woo their potential partners. Narcissists get dates since it would
seem that they're trying to win their potential dates. Which is something to
remember whenever you're battling to discover somebody uncommon.
Perhaps you don't need to change yourself just to return home with the hot
person or young lady at the bar. Possibly the key is simply placing some
exertion into your appearance, your demeanor, and your general game. Since,
hey there, individuals we can't let those self-satisfied people get all the great
dates. We should take the best pieces of self-esteem, attempt our hardest, and
make things progressively hard for the narcissists to finally call, alright?

For what reason would we say we are attracted to Narcissists?

On the off chance that you've at any point asked for what reason you're pulled
in to a narcissist, the appropriate response is incredibly basic. Narcissists
participate in practices that are intended to pull in us! They realize how to
attract others and before we have the opportunity to calmly inhale and see the
truth about the narcissist, we may as of now be powerless to resist her.
Maybe it isn't astonishing, yet specialists found that narcissists tend to be
more physically appealing than normal. This quality was likewise integrated
with the inclination for narcissists to be all the more explicitly dynamic and
to be explicitly coercive with potential accomplices. As far as advancement,
it makes sense that narcissists would be increasingly alluring as that is one
quality that is useful in luring others; therefore, it is an attribute that is bound
to be gone down through ensuing ages of narcissistic coupling.

Female narcissists have been seen as very captivating when initially met.
They are incredible at associating with others; they recognize what to discuss
to acquire positive consideration and the ability to act to get others to see
them. Tragically for them, yet luckily for their prey, their unsavory and
upsetting practices show up not very long into the game. This permits time
for potential sentimental accomplices or "apparatuses" to see the truth about
the narcissistic practices. Different, less complex individuals may stay
spellbound by the attractive narcissist and enable themselves to be persuaded
that the appalling practices are because of the unreasonable treatment of the
narcissist by others. In this way, the clueless unfortunate casualty really
accepts that their job is to shield, ensure, and address the issues of the
narcissistic person who has spellbound their consideration. Codependency
with a narcissistic can create if the narcissist can enrapture an individual with
low enough confidence that the blackout recognition earned by addressing
the necessities of the narcissist lifts their confidence only enough to make the
cooperative circumstance attractive.

Narcissists will blame others for their shortcomings

While narcissists have unbridled self-images and unlimited pride, they are
unequipped for taking proprietorship for any of their failings. There is
consistently, consistently, consistently somebody to fault for their defeats. In
case you're involved with a narcissist, be careful. Habitual pettiness
frequently starts at home. Nobody can ever be "sufficient" for a narcissist,
and no narcissist will ever be "sufficient" of a sound individual to support a
real relationship. Leaving the relationship might be hard to do as narcissists
will utilize each conceivable point to attempt to keep a potential instrument
next to them. To safeguard your own passionate prosperity, you should
enable them to ensure you for the disappointment of the relationship, each
negative occasion that happened during the relationship, and a large group of
other envisioned wrongs. Narcissists can't possess their very own fault or
disappointment, so it is only from time to time fulfilling to endeavor to have a
coherent, grown-up investigation of things with one. Keep up your very own
poise by carrying on in a way that reflects development and trustworthiness.
Narcissists don't lament the damage they bring others. However, this ought
not to urge you to carry on such that hauls you down to their level.
 THE LEADERSHIP AND
AUTHORITY FACETS
As indicated by Emmons (1984, 1987), four features of narcissism can be
recognized: Leadership/Authority (L/A; getting a charge out of being a
pioneer and being viewed as a position), Self-Absorption/Self- Profound
respect (S/S; appreciating one's very own physical appearance and character),
Superiority/Arrogance (S/An; overestimation of one's possess capacities,
fundamental subjects of prevalence and self-importance), what's more,
Exploitativeness/Entitlement (E/E; relational manipulation, desires for favors,
misuse of others). These features are just modestly inter-correlated. Generally
significant, they are thought not exclusively to speak to various parts of
narcissism yet, in addition, to vary in their adaptiveness. The L/An aspect
connects with numerous self-detailed character characteristics that are
thought about as being helpful, similar to extraversion, warmth, social
intensity, strength, lower neuroticism, and a less negative self-center
(Emmons, 1984, 1987). Individuals who score high on this subscale report
increasingly by and large social help just as less seen mental misery
(Rhodewalt and Morf, 1995). It is consequently expected that this part "may
speak to more advantageous perspectives of narcissism" (Emmons, 1987, p.
14)

Conversely, the E/E segment is thought to "tap the maladaptive and

potentially obsessive parts of narcissism" (Emmons, 1987, p. 14). It
associates emphatically with self-revealed proportions of neuroticism,
nervousness, strained quality, hostility, and suspiciousness (Emmons, 1984),
and various other mental issues (Raskin and Novacek, 1989). This aspect of
narcissism is identified with an absence of compassion and pleasantness,
lower apparent accessibility of correspondence accomplices, and a more
noteworthy number of self-announced bothers (Rhodewalt and Morf, 1995;
Watson, Grisham, Trotter, and Biderman, 1984). It is also the main feature
that associates with proportions of neurotic narcissism (Emmons, 1984).
Research on the relational responses that narcissists really inspire has, be that
as it may, just focused on narcissism as an extraordinary develop up to this
point. Shouldn't something be said about the features' effect on fame from the
start locate? Following past examine on narcissism aspects, the most versatile
part of narcissism is the L/A feature, and the most maladaptive perspective is
the E/E feature (Emmons, 1984, 1987; Raskin and Novacek, 1989). As
indicated by this view, getting a charge out of being a pioneer, what's more,
being viewed as a power figure, for the most part, have less negative and
some constructive relational outcomes, while a feeling of privilege and an
inclination toward relational manipulation and abuse of others are obviously
relationally dis-invaluable. Following this "steady particularity" theory, the
by and large versatile L/A an aspect ought to rather prompt ubiquity, while
the by and large maladaptive E/E feature should prompt unprevalence at zero
associate.

While considering the pertinent intrapersonal procedures and observable

signs at zero colleagues, the particular impact of narcissism aspects could, in
any case, likewise be unique. To begin with, the positive parts of L/A may be
hard to perceive at zero associate. Maybe progressively extraordinary and
task-arranged communications are expected to show that one is power and
realizes how to lead others. Second, individuals high in E/E ought to be most
firmly spurred to establish a decent connection on their companions in light
of the fact that the narcissist's taking a stab at reverence is most
unequivocally articulated in the E/E part (Emmons, 1984; Morf and
Rhodewalt, 2001). As a result, they should demonstrate more exertion to
intrigue their friends. Third, E/E inclinations are identified with higher social
attractive quality scores (Watson et al., 1984), higher open reluctance, and a
more other-guided self-observing style than different aspects of narcissism
(Emmons, 1984), which can prompt an increasingly streamlined appearance
and conduct at zero associate. Fourth, E/E narcissists have higher control
inspirations and propensities and are in this manner all around prepared and
experienced in impacting others. Their higher exertion to dazzle others may,
in this way to sure be fruitful, considerably more since manipulative and
flaunting practices are more effective at zero associate (Tice et al., 1995).
Fifth, as opposed to different features of narcissism, E/E narcissists are
known to have a higher emotional power and inconstancy (Emmons, 1987):
They show more feelings and progressively factor feelings, possibly making
them progressively notable and enchanting from the start located. Following
this "confusing explicitness" theory, L/An ought to have no applicable impact
on ubiquity at zero associate, while E/E narcissists ought to emphatically
intrigue their companions since they most unequivocally have the sorts of
intrapersonal forms and observe capable signals that should make narcissists
well known from the start.

Are Narcissists Really More Popular at First Sight?

Until this point, there are just a couple of concentrates that have explored the
early relational results of narcissism and related attributes, with some
indicating a constructive outcome (Oltmanns et al., 2004; Paulhus, 1998) and
different examinations finding no impact (Bleske-Rechek et al., 2008) or a
contrary effect on relational decisions (Colvin et al., 1995). Relational results
of narcissism at zero associate in a significant social setting have not yet been
researched. Based on a focal point model approach, it is anticipated that
narcissists are progressively famous from the outset locate.

Which Facets of Narcissism Lead to Popularity at First Sight?

Various smaller characteristics can be recognized, which together make up
the more extensive character build of narcissism. These features of narcissism
are accounted for to vary regarding their versatile worth (Emmons, 1984,
1987; Raskin and Novacek, 1989). This helps to dissect which explicit
aspects of narcissism correlate with being loved at zero colleagues. As
indicated by the reliable explicitness theory, the E/E feature is somewhat
unattractive, though the L/An aspect cultivates fame. Conversely, the
incomprehensible particularity speculation expects that the E/E feature ought
to be most firmly identified with prominence, while L/A ought to have no
effect on being loved at zero colleagues.

What amount Information Is Necessary to Make Narcissists Popular at First

Sight?
Though early introductions happen in a matter of moments and without much
exertion (e.g., Bar, Neta, and Linz, 2006; Duckworth, Bargh, Garcia, and
Chaiken, 2002), relational fascination at zero acquaintance in a genuine
setting depends on a wide range of sorts of data gave by targets: Physical
prompts like garments and haircut; nonverbal signs like signals, mimicry, and
pose; and verbal signals like the substance of what targets state. With regards
to character decisions at zero associate, it has been indicated that slim cuts of
conduct are adequate for creating exact impressions (e.g., Borkenau and
Liebler, 1992; Mehl et al., 2006). In numerous cases, diminishing the cuts
(shortening the introduction time or lessening the quantity of subjectively
various types of information) didn't bring about a significant loss of exactness
(Ambady and Rosenthal, 1992, 1993; Ambady and Skowronski, 2008;
Borkenau and Liebler, 1992). Along these lines, it is necessary to dissect how
much data is expected to make narcissists progressively prevalent at first
locate. Do spectators need to be in a similar space to "relax" the narcissist's
alluring air? Are the voices of narcissists necessary for making them well
known? Shouldn't something be said about the significance of nonverbal data
—could decent garments get the job done for squeezing others from the start
locate?
 CHAPTER 3: TARGETS OF
NARCISSISTS
Empaths
Projection is a mechanism usually utilized by abusers, like individuals with
narcissistic or borderline personality characteristics and addicts, to defend
themselves. Essentially, they state, "It's not my fault; it's you!" At the point
when we anticipate, we're safeguarding ourselves against oblivious driving
forces or characteristics, either positive or negative, that we've denied in
ourselves. Rather we ascribe them to other people. Our contemplations or
sentiments about a person or thing are too awkward to even think about
acknowledging. In our mind, we accept that the idea or feeling begins from
that other individual or thing. We may envision, "She despises me," when we
really dislike her. We may think another person is irate or critical, yet are
unconscious that we are.
Externalization is like projection when we reprimand others for our issues
instead of assuming liability as far as concerns us in causing them. It makes
us feel like an unfortunate casualty. Addicts frequently accuse their drinking
or medication use for their life partner or employer. Our adapting systems
mirror our enthusiastic development. Projection is viewed as a crude guard
since it mutilates or disregards reality with the end goal for us to capacity and
safeguard our sense of self. It's receptive, without thinking ahead, and is a
barrier that kids use. At the point when utilized by grown-ups, it uncovers
less passionate development and shows weakened enthusiastic advancement.
 BOUNDARIES
Klein broadly said that a mother must have the option to adore her kid even
as it nibbles her bosom, implying that a decent mother, similar to a decent
advisor, with proper limits and confidence, won't respond to the displeasure
and anticipated disagreeableness from her infant. She will adore her infant in
any case. On the off chance that rather we had a mother who responded with
outrage or withdrawal, her limits were powerless, and a youngster are
normally permeable. We ingested our mom's response, as though it was a
negative proclamation about our value and adorableness. We created frail
limits and disgrace ourselves. The mother-newborn child bond may have
gotten negative. Something very similar can occur with a dad's responses, in
light of the fact that a youngster needs to feel adored and acknowledged
genuinely by the two guardians. We can grow up with disgrace based
convictions about ourselves and are set up to be controlled and mishandled.
Also, in the event that one of our folks is a narcissist or abuser, their
sentiments and necessities, especially passionate needs, will start things out.
Because of disgrace, we get familiar with our own are insignificant. We
adjust and become mutually dependent.
 SELF-JUDGMENT
It's regular for mutually dependent people to have disguised or dangerous
disgrace and solid internal critic. Thus, we will criticize others similarly as
we do to occupy our time, regularly about similar attributes. We may extend
our faultfinder onto others and believe they're scrutinizing us when, in
certainty, it's our very own self-judgment that is being actuated. We expect
individuals will pass judgment and not acknowledge us since we judge and
don't acknowledge ourselves. The more we acknowledge ourselves, the more
agreeable we are with others. We fail to think self-consciously that they're
making a judgment about us.
 DECLINING SELF-ESTEEM
In a grown-up association with an abuser or someone who is addicted, you
may not trust you have any rights. Normally, you come or put your partner’s
needs and emotions, some of the time benevolent at extraordinary lengths to
please and maintain a strategic distance from the struggle. Your confidence
and freedom relentlessly decay. As your partner acts like a lord or sovereign,
you become progressively needy, despite the fact that your needs aren't being
satisfied. This enables your partner to effectively control, misuse, and
endeavor you. Your self-question develops as your accomplice extends more
disgrace and analysis onto you.

In the interim, you acknowledge the fault and attempt to be all the more
understanding in the relationship. Futile endeavors to win endorsement and
remain associated; you track on eggshells, dreadful of your partner’s
disappointment and judgment. You stress over what the individual in
question will think or do. You become distracted by the relationship. You
remain to avoid your biggest dread surrender and dismissal and losing any
expectation of finding enduring affection. You may start to accept that
nobody would need you or that the grass isn't greener. Your partner may even
say that trying to extend their disgrace and dread onto you. Subsequent to
trimming down your confidence, you're easy to manipulate.
 PROJECTIVE
IDENTIFICATION
At the point when we have a solid feeling of self and confidence, we have
sound limits. At the point when somebody anticipates something onto us, it
ricochets off. We don't think about it literally in light of the fact that we
understand it's false or simply an announcement about the speaker. A decent
trademark to recollect is Q-TIP, "Quit thinking about it literally!" Be that as it
may, when we have low confidence or are delicate about a particular issue,
for example, our looks or knowledge, we are powerless to accepting a
projection as a reality. We interject the projection. This is on the grounds that,
inside, we concur with it. It sticks like a magnet, and we trust it's valid. At
that point, we respond to the disgracing and exacerbate our relationship
issues. Doing so approves the abusers' thoughts regarding us and gives them
authority and control. We're sending the message that they have control over
our confidence and the privilege to favor us.

Reacting to Projective Identification

A projector may apply tremendous pressure on you to acknowledge the
projection. In case you're empathic, you're increasingly open, less mentally
safeguarded. In the event that you additionally have poor limits, as portrayed
above, you may retain a projection all the more effectively and relate to them
as your very own quality. Seeing how projective distinguishing proof
functions is critical for self-assurance. Perceiving the barrier can be an
important apparatus, for it's a window into the oblivious personality of an
abuser. We can really encounter what the individual in question is feeling and
thinking. Outfitted with this information, in the event that somebody
disgraces us, we understand that the person in question is responding to his or
he possesses disgrace. It can give us sympathy, which is useful if we have
great confidence and compassion for ourselves! Building confidence and
incapacitating our inward pundit is our first protection against projection. In
any case, you may feel bewildered about what to do. At the point when
somebody anticipates onto you, essentially set a limit. This gives the
projection back to the speaker. You're setting up a power field, an
undetectable divider. State something like:

• "I don't see it that way."

• "I oppose this idea."
• "I will not assume liability for that."
• "That's your sentiment."

It's significant not to contend or safeguard yourself since that offers

trustworthiness to the projector's bogus reality. In the event that the abuser
continues, you can say, "We essentially deviate," and leave the discussion.
The projector should stew in their very own negative sentiments.
 WHY ARE NARCISSISTS
ATTRACTED TO
EMPATHS?
Kim Saeed, a narcissistic maltreatment recuperation specialist, says that
narcissists go after empaths and profoundly touchy individuals. Empaths
work predominately from adoration, quietude, and giving. They have a
characteristic limit with respect to mending and instructing others. In any
case, until they figure out how to mindfully utilize those blessings, they are
frequently exploited by sentimental partners as well as other people around
them. Further, empaths have a reputation of creating mutually dependent
practices in adolescence to manage the mind-boggling shamefulness on the
planet and to satisfy others, which they, for the most part, convey into their
grown-up connections. It is anything but difficult to see, at that point, how
empaths who were manhandled as kids can create overstated codependency
issues and reliance on others to characterize their value.

Kim further clarifies that when the empath and narcissist go into a
relationship together, it becomes hyper lethal. It makes an attractive yet
vibrationally broken association. The empath's sole design is to encourage
recuperating in others. Narcissists are unquenchable and hopeless. The
empath provides for the purpose of finish and articulate depletion. On
account of these regular propensities, the uninformed empath frequently gets
themselves not exclusively being focused by a narcissist. However, they
remain in an association with a harmful character for a really long time and
the harm to them is intensified.

Along these lines, all you compassionate and empathic individuals who
experienced and are recuperating maltreatment as a kid, youth tormenting,
grown-up harassing, and proceeded to wed a narcissist or more than one
narcissist, bring this into your degree of mindfulness during your mending.
Teach yourself, your kids and others on their powerlessness to see the
"awful" in others. This altogether expands your powerlessness to 60% of
individuals, who contain narcissists, menaces, and insane people yet in
addition the feeble ones who join these abusers or damage you further by
sitting idle (inaction) since they come up short on the heart or fearlessness
(that you need) to simply make the best decision.

Individuals who are exceptionally sympathetic can offer the narcissist

something that their spirit urgently needs; to be nurtured, cared for, and
loved. This is frequently why narcissists seek kind-hearted individuals.
Nonetheless, no measure of affection an empath gives will change a
narcissist. The empaths love is bolstering the evil presence of a narcissist.
Compassionate individuals are frequently exceptionally genuinely advanced
and mindful. This is something that the narcissist deliberately or subliminally
prefers in an accomplice since it is simpler to gaslight a person who is
mindful. Narcissists are genuinely juvenile, and frequently feel "entitled" to
affront their accomplices either through deceiving, verbally abusing, or gas
lighting. Frequently the empath is left scrutinizing their very own truth of
things and start to accept that they themselves are the problem.

The narcissist will vigorously deplete the empath, requesting a great deal and
giving little consequently. In the event that they do give, it's for their very
own advantage. For the most part, after the narcissist has totally depleted the
empath, they will dispose of them, and this is generally done in a cruel
manner. There's no telling how low the narcissist will stoop. For instance, the
narcissist may confess to loving another person who may be close to you with
the aim of hurting you and making you feel less worthy when discarding you.
Such cruel acts of disrespect often leave the empathy feeling confused and
heartbroken, not to mention, drain off all their energy.
 CODEPENDENTS
The Oxford Dictionary characterizes codependency as: "Over the top
enthusiastic or mental dependence on a partner." A few narcissists appreciate
drawing in mutually dependent connections. They target people who might
be blameless and clueless, are experiencing troublesome occasions, are
battling with confidence, or have different vulnerabilities, and go to their
"salvage" like a knight in sparkling shield (or an alluring flirt). The minute
they focused on unfortunate casualty acknowledges the "salvage," a
needy/mutually dependent relationship is shaped, with uniqueness in control
between the "rescuer" and the "rescuee."

Before long, the narcissist may uncover their genuine nature by putting
consistently expanding requests and decisions on the person in question,
while guaranteeing "I've thoroughly taken care of you, and no doubt about
it." He or she keeps the injured individual in accordance with routine
maltreatment verbally, inwardly, and now and again physically/explicitly.
The narcissist may hold the injured individual prisoner rationally
(gaslighting), physically, and additionally monetarily, always disgracing the
unfortunate casualty for her or his deficiencies, taking steps to leave the
relationship if the injured individual doesn't fall in line, and request being
taken into account all his impulses. This kind of narcissistic relationship is
the very meaning of mental maltreatment. Different ponders have connected
narcissism to treachery, aggressive behavior at home, and sexual habit.
The following are three sorts of Co-Dependent Narcissistic Cycles,
The Co-Dependent Enabling Narcissistic Cycle: Initial appeal, expanding
analysis and misuse, remorse and statement of regret, compensation, and
influences to "win" the injured individual back, rehash design.

The Co-Dependent Coercive Narcissistic Cycle: Initial appeal, expanding

analysis and misuse, intimidation (take steps to retain enthusiastic, mental,
sexual, material, or monetary help), gain consistency through pressure, a brief
time of quiet, rehash design.
The Co-Dependent Guilt-Beating Narcissistic Cycle: Initial appeal,
expanding analysis and misuse, affirm frustration and accusing the person in
question ("I've accomplished such a great deal for you, and this is the thing
that I get in return!"), picking up consistency through inspiring accomplice's
blame, brief time of placation, rehash design.

What every one of the three mutually dependent narcissistic cycles share for
all intents and purpose is that, for each situation, the injured individual is
empowering her or his accomplice's narcissism (narcissistic stockpile), while
the narcissist is empowering the unfortunate casualty's
codependency/victimhood. What it means is that the empowering partner is a
willing member, does not have a sound feeling of personality, a non-
attendance of trust in their capacity to blossom with their own, and as should
be required no matter what. It has been mainly connected to a youth injury or
undesirable parental relationship, low confidence, and even a breaking down
of their very center being. In any case, with narcissistic connections,
codependency considerably less depicts the individual attribute of the focused
on unfortunate casualty, and is all the more so elucidating of the wonder
made sooner or later in the romance, in which the system moves to one in
which one partner is showing poor basic leadership and carrying on, and the
other accomplice is empowering such conduct. Be that as it may, would this
term still be precise if the empowering partner was uninformed of the change
in outlook?

The one thing they will all share for all intents and purposes is that they were
tricked by a beguiling person who was gifted at moving their maladaptive
points of view onto them. Narcissistic misuse is unpretentious but fast,
frightful, but then covered up. Unfortunate, casualties don't have the chance
to look at the harsh idea of their relationship to start with, in light of the fact
that they won't become mindful of their partner’s façade until well into the
bogus reality deliberately made by the narcissist from the very beginning.
The unfortunate casualty will probably be submitted, sincerely and
monetarily contributed, and careless in regards to how a lot of malice is really
happening despite their good faith before they even presume something is off
with their new playmate. For any individual who has not encountered this
sort of damaging association, there is no real way to depict the energy,
annihilation, and incredulity that this kind of misuse brings upon exploited
people before they even comprehend what hit them. These clueless partners
can go through days, weeks, months, even years attempting to make sense of
on the off chance that they are in any event, being manhandled. Thinking
about whether they are losing their psyches. Scrutinizing their very own
observations and sentiments. In the enlivening, they will detect something
isn't exactly right. However they are thinking, "What's up with me?" and not
"I don't care for how my partner is treating me.

As they trust that the mist will clear, urgently looking for answers and
enthusiastic lucidity, they are empowering the narcissist's dependence on
consideration and opportunity of lack of caution, yet it is only a side-effect of
the situation they aren't even completely mindful of yet. The objective is as
yet attempting to recover and make sense of what has turned out badly. In a
standard arrangement of occasions, they will scan for answers where there are
no unmistakable answers, in light of the fact that the circumstance they
wound up in was cautiously and unfeelingly produced to grant such disarray
and self-question. They likely have never known about narcissistic
maltreatment, so they will order a rundown of potential outcomes, including
the thought their accomplice has discouragement or other normal emotional
wellness issues, addictions, or unhealed youth scars. They don't think about
the slanderous attack previously ruining them, the steady, deliberate punches
at their sense of self, or the intentional gaslighting custom, wearing out the
certainty they once had over their very own memories. They don't promptly
escape the circumstance, not just on the grounds that they presently can't
seem to put their finger on what is happening, but since they feel blame at the
idea of surrendering somebody who is battling. They remain… out of
empathy… and disarray… not out of undesirable connection issues.
There may come the point where the focused on partner either acknowledges
what narcissistic inclinations have infiltrated their joyfully ever after disguise
or they are as yet confounded, yet have educated to the way that their
accomplice is reluctant to change their now frightful practices. In the event
that they began with a couple of clear limits and an ounce of dignity, they
will begin considering routes out. This isn't a simple examination. The
injured individual's head is as yet turning, they still can't seem to get any
consoling clarifications, and their assets are entwined with the existence they
currently acknowledge was a demonstration.

Narcissists don't generally adore themselves. In reality, they're driven by

disgrace. It's simply the romanticized picture, which they persuade
themselves they epitomize, that they respect. However, where it counts,
narcissists feel the hole between the façade they show the world and their
disgrace based self. They make a solid effort to abstain from feeling that
disgrace. This hole is valid for different mutually dependent people; also,
however, a narcissist utilizes ruinous protection systems that harm
connections and cause and their friends and family's confidence.
A significant number of the narcissist's ways of dealing with stress are
oppressive; consequently, the expression "narcissistic misuse." However,
somebody can be harsh, yet not be a narcissist. Addicts and individuals with
other psychological instabilities, for example, bi-polar issue and against
social character issues (sociopathy) and marginal character issues, are
likewise oppressive, as are numerous mutually dependent people without a
dysfunctional behavior. Misuse is misuse, regardless of what is the abuser's
conclusion. In case you're a casualty of misuse, the principle challenges for
you are:

• Clearly recognizing it;

• Building an emotionally supportive network; and

• Learning how to reinforce and ensure yourself.

Will a narcissist improve? Maybe. However, just on the off chance that the
individual in question is exceptionally mindful and ready to experience the
gutsy procedure of self-disclosure. For narcissists never again ready to play
the act at the expense of veritable connections and validity, there are
approaches to free from the misery, and logically advance toward one's
Higher Self. For the individuals who live or work with narcissists, insightful
mindfulness and decisive correspondence are musts to building up solid and
commonly conscious connections.
 INFJ PERSONALITY TYPE
Regardless of your character, you can fall prey to a toxic individual, such as a
malignant narcissist or a sociopath. Such individuals have little sympathy, an
unreasonable feeling of qualification, a misguided feeling of predominance,
and an inclination to be relationally exploitative for their own increase. Loner
or outgoing individual, INFJ, or not, you've presumably experienced at any
rate one toxic individual in your lifetime. All things considered, it's
fascinating to take note of those individuals who recognize as an INFJ
character type are exceptionally spoken to on discussions like Psychopath
Free, a bolster gathering for overcomers of narcissists, sociopaths, and mental
cases. Could INFJs be, to some degree, more inclined than others to drawing
in toxic individuals? It might appear to be odd that one of the truest character
types could wind up with somebody who's inauthentic and externally
beguiling. However, there are a few valid justifications of why these two
individuals may (at first) float towards one another. You should understand
how the characteristics of the INFJ associated with the qualities of the
narcissist and how, similar to some other character type, we can be both
helpless against narcissists just as engaged by what we've gained from our
encounters with them.

Why the INFJ Is a Target of Narcissists

Not all INFJs will become focuses of narcissists, however here are a few
reasons why it happens to such a large number of them. INFJs look for "a
definitive relationship."

INFJs are dreamers. They place a high incentive on the couple of individuals
they welcome into their private inward world. When INFJs look for a
definitive relationship, their heart is in the correct spot. They just need what
they realize and where it counts as their merit; an individual who regards and
respects them as they seem to be. To an INFJ, the narcissist's adoration
bombarding (a time of unnecessary glorification and "preparing" that a
narcissist subjects an injured individual to) may at first appear a definitive
high of an ideal relationship. The INFJ, at last, gets the warmth, worship, and
consideration they may not be getting somewhere else. Admirers of words,
INFJs may at first be enchanted by the narcissist's bootlicking. As some other
character type, they can be powerless to the toxic individual's "bogus cover"
of appearing defenselessness and blameless adoration.

Be that as it may, when an INFJ has adapted every one of the stunts and
devices of such frauds, they're ready to separate between valid intrigue and an
inauthentic motivation. You are a stickler, and it is ordinary that you dismiss
everything that is not exactly flawless. In this way, you cautiously pick the
individuals who encompass you, yet it is difficult to detect a narcissist in the
mask, as they can sneak up on you and bomb you with their phony love,
which will appear to you like flawlessness. What's more, that is the place you
commit the greatest error. You realize that you have the right to be cherished
and regarded, and a narcissist will lie and control you into speculation. He
will give you precisely what you need. You need to understand that the things
that happen quick, similar to all consuming, instant adoration, etc., are
pleasant, charming, and energizing; however, it doesn't need to mean it's
valid. Things may appear to be flawless, yet you must be terrified of
flawlessness since nothing is ever immaculate. You can make a decent
attempt to make it as well as can be expected to be. Nevertheless, it will
never be immaculate. So to shield yourself from narcissists, you need to
understand that your concept of flawlessness can lead you into their arms,
and they can truly hurt you. INFJs tend to need to "fix" others.

This touchy character type has a colossal quality; sympathy. However, now
and then, INFJs risk going past simply helping somebody and filling in as an
impetus for their development. Rather, they attempt to "fix" a harmful
individual who doesn't take responsibility for their own mending. In case
you're an INFJ who's been genuinely manhandled by narcissistic guardians or
a toxic partner, it would be ideal if you realize that it isn't your fault. Your
affectability and sympathy may have been abused by a toxic individual.
However, these are still a portion of your most noteworthy blessings to give
the world. It just implies that you should utilize your compassion in an all the
more recognizing way, offering it to individuals who won't utilize it for their
own motivation. Realize that there are veritable individuals out there who
won't exploit your sympathy and will be appreciative of your help. You don't
need to break your very own limits to meet the inordinate desires for toxic
and mean individuals.

At whatever point a narcissist accomplishes something manipulative and

destructive, rather than getting their things and leaving them, an INFJ figures
she can turn him around. She wants to improve him. All things considered,
that won't occur. A narcissist can't change since he wouldn't like to change.
Nothing he does appears to be awful to him. He feels his conduct is totally
ordinary, and his activities are legitimized. He thinks you are the messed up
one since you will not live by his guidelines since you won't obey him. Then
again, his dim qualities have been available for such a long time that he has
become a piece of them. These horrible attributes are what makes him what
his identity is, and nothing can change that. Nobody can change the center of
an individual, something that characterizes them, so neither can you.

INFJs need agreement in their connections to flourish.

Since INFJs will, in general, skirt struggle at whatever point conceivable,
they may feel themselves tread lightly around a toxic accomplice. Any
overcomer of misuse, regardless of whether it's passionate or physical, can be
inclined to doing this; in view of the impacts of the injury. In any case, INFJs
might be considerably progressively inclined to excusing, denying, and
limiting the conduct of their abusers so as to "keep the harmony." Narcissists
may gaslight the INFJ into imagining that any abuse is "all in their mind,"
when, in certainty, their affectability is alarming them to unfortunate conduct
or even threat. Harsh accomplices, relatives, or companions may tell the
defrauded INFJ that they're as a rule "excessively delicate." It's valid that
INFJs can be exceptionally touchy, but on the other hand, they're ready to
think fundamentally and perceive when their limits have been crossed. On the
off chance that the INFJ speaks up, they may wind up needing to apologize
for their words. The issue is, the point at which you apologize to a toxic
individual who harms you persistently, paying little mind to any indulgent
dialogs about their conduct, you overlook the internal voice that reveals to
you that this relationship isn't alright. You start to understand that you're not
the touchy one. They, indeed, are the obtuse ones, despite the fact that
harmful individuals can have touchy consciences and may seethe when they
don't get what they need.

A narcissist professes to give all the affection you need

They are no different from the beginning. They profess to mind and adoring.
They imagine they need to give you the world, so you will trust them and
trust them. At that point, they have you in their snare. Narcissists counterfeit
having something you need, something your character needs, that is the
reason you are simple prey for them. It's like empaths, as they additionally
pull in these dim quality characters. You must be cautious when meeting new
individuals. Realize that you believe everybody and you imagine that
everybody demonstrations and figures as you do. Indeed, not every one of
them needs to bring out simply the best in individuals. Some of them feed
their vitality by sucking other individuals dry, similar to narcissists. You need
to stop demonstrating sympathy to everyone who tags along. This is inverse
to all that you know and all that you are; however, for your own advantage,
you need to oppose it.

Narcissists are attracted to empathic individuals

Narcissists target individuals who have sympathy and who are solid. They
can't exploit frail individuals since they don't have anything to offer them.
Just solid ones, such as yourself, can deal with being suck dry by these
passionate vampires. You have something to give, something they need,
similar to empathy, love, or respectability. You need to fix individuals, you
need to support them, and that is the thing that attracts them closer to you.
Narcissists realize they can do whatever they like to you in light of the fact
that regardless of whether they hurt you and cross each line, they will
remorseful fit you into giving them another possibility or feeling frustrated
about them. They realize you'll succumb to that stunt since you need to
support them, you need to mend them. In this circumstance, your benevolent
character will be your defeat, and no, that is not reasonable; however, it
occurs, and you need to figure out how to battle it.

INFJs question themselves frequently

Where it counts, you realize that you merit all the regard and love you can
have yet the most concerning issue is that you question yourself to an
extreme. You're too touchy, and basically, anything can hurt you since you
get joined so rapidly and effectively to individuals. It's your considerate
mindset, and you can't keep away from it. Yet, that is the reason you put
individuals on a platform; you think everybody is superior to you when that is
a long way from reality. Normally, the individuals who merit regard and
recognition are simply the ones who question the most. Narcissists will
exploit your amiable attitude. They will introduce themselves as superior to
anything, despite the fact that they are truly not. They will make you feel that
you have struck it rich association with them, yet in all actuality, you could
improve.

How INFJs Can Shield Themselves from Narcissists

How might you shield yourself from getting into an association with a
narcissist? One route is to maintain yourself and your desires for a decent
relationship. Try not to expect that everybody who at first appears as though
the perfect companion or accomplice is in actuality the perfect. As INFJs,
probably the greatest test is figuring out how to respect ourselves and our
impulses over the presence of the perfect; so as to accomplish the genuine
article. With regards to sentiment, much of the time, humane love fabricates
gradually. The abrupt sparkle of science doesn't really speak to the credibility
of a long haul sentiment. Before putting your heart "all in," give the
relationship time to create. See what the other individual resembles in a wide
range of circumstances and around various individuals. For instance, how
would they treat the server at the eatery? Their mom? Your companions?
Search for warnings and signs that you're in the correct relationship at an
early stage.

How INFJs Can Liberate Themselves from Harmful

Individuals
In the event that there's a narcissist in your life, it might appear to be difficult
to remove yourself from the relationship. Be that as it may, there's uplifting
news: INFJs can call upon their searing spirits to balance a toxic
circumstance. INFJs are likewise headed to end shamefulness, so much that
they may go to the outrageous of cutting any individual who displays harmful
conduct out of their lives. INFJs can utilize their obstinacy to further their
potential benefit when cutting ties with narcissists, in the event that they're
willing to go up against strife head-on. At exactly that point, would they be
able to get the sound lives they genuinely merit. With regards to toxic
individuals, the issue isn't the INFJ's affectability or readiness to get out of
abuse. Or maybe, an INFJ's affectability regularly enables them to "feel" on a
profound natural level when somebody is lethal, or even a threatening
narcissist, sociopath, or maniac. Your affectability can go about as an
instinctive radar for harmfulness. So while it's great to make a stride back and
carefully note your response to somebody, recall that as an INFJ, you
additionally have a profound association with your instinct. What's more, you
might have the option to get on toxic vibes faster than numerous other
character types.

So what does this mean? It implies that as an INFJ, you can confide in your
internal voice, for it very well may be your most prominent companion and
wellspring of salvation in unfortunate circumstances. As a healer, you don't
have to be a steady "fixer" so as to change the world. As a delicate being,
don't reject your affectability as suspicion when it's really one of your most
prominent natural devices. What's more, as a profoundly empathic individual,
you can, in any case, be humane towards others from a separation. You don't
need to endure toxic quality, abuse, or maltreatment by anybody basically to
keep the harmony. The most adoring, empathic thing you can accomplish for
other people, yourself, and the world is to consider others responsible for
mending themselves.
 CHAPTER 4: DANGEROUS
TRAITS OF NARCISSISTS
Who is a narcissist? It could be the trickiest question you may encounter at
one point in life; in a simple term, a Narcissist can be portrayed as self-
absorbed persons who see themselves as superior to others, whereby they
influence those around them to their charm. However, they may appear very
charismatic on the surface to enable them to get what they want, and then
after fulfilling their ego, they tend to desert you. Also, they pay intense
attention during the seduction process by offering you lavishing praises and
gifts which they intentionally employ to get on what they want from the prey.
Most of the time, they do not value friendship as one may think.

In reality, people are too afraid of fictional monsters, and scary scenes do not
recognize that such people exist among them in society. These are the people
who have strong narcissistic tendencies with the main aim of hurting others.
They usually play victims to capitalize on the issue, which needs some kind
of solution to attack others. Besides, they are tuned into a negative mentality,
which does not desire any good for others. All they do best is to hurt people
and make things worse for others wherever they go in such a manner that
proved to be displeasing. These people are known for using abusing words to
trigger negative emotions on other people they are close to in order to make
their way out of it. Have you ever dealt with a narcissist at a personal level?
How did you conclude that they possess such kind of negative personality
which deprive one personality of self-expression? If, by any chance, you have
come across such kind of character, you will know what I mean, how I feel
about the whole concept though to some extent it does not appeal to you. By
the way, how does that have to do you with you anyway? Maybe you are the
one. I am talking about though there are no bad feelings about the whole
issue. The main intention is to enlighten those in the dark about the existence
of narcissists in society and their negative impact on other people.
Interestingly, those with a narcissistic personality disorder can seriously
exploit others because they lack empathy. They may be very willing to invest
much energy in maintaining their superior image, even if it means repeatedly
insulting you and putting you down in public. In the workplace, they may
become indifferent to your career or use you as a target of blame to deflect
from their inadequacies.

Most of the narcissistic tend to take leadership positions such a manager,

academic advisor, or a politician and they will give you a negative evaluation
out of spite or try to harm you if you do not adhere to their conditions. A
teacher who is a narcissist may want sexual favors from a student, and when
the student refuses his sexual advances, the teacher instead will lower her
grades to make her feel bad for rejecting his sexual advances.
In business and politics, narcissists are notorious for gaining allies through
flattery, then abandoning them or walking on them to get to a higher position.
They use people as a ladder to their greatness, and after the process is over,
they neglect you. How does that sound to you? Do you like those who use
your input for their gain while you remain stack? Obviously that no one likes
such behavior though there is nothing we can do about it. Our partners,
parents, and siblings may have such behavior, and the only thing we can do is
to find a way of living with them harmoniously.

Narcissists are great manipulators. After spotting the needs, emotions, and
weaknesses in those around them, they can use this information to their
advantage very quickly with no sense of regret. They do not have a
conscience in this sense because they do not hold themselves responsible for
the consequences of their actions because they simply worked with
information that is available. If a narcissist becomes a leader or a boss, he is
likely to be forceful, bullying arrogant and unforgiving. The effect of such
personality in a position of power can be devastating for others when they
become the target of attack. When a true narcissistic personality is
challenged, they can become unpredictable and dangerous, highlighting just
how big their ego has become and how adversely they react when that is
threatened.

A person with narcissistic behavior tends to have an inflated grandiosity can

be repeatedly punctured by an unbending reality. When they are neglected
and ignored, they easily experience depression, and this can cause a suicidal
reaction. Vividly, they tend to express a false sense of confidence triggered to
mask their low self-esteem and this proves to be their weakest point. One
should watch out on these weak points when dealing with a narcissist in any
dealing, and it is the turning point where you can use them to your advantage.
It is clear that they do not like to be manipulated, controlled or ordered
around, and in such instance, getting into their weakest point make it easy
though there is a high probability that they will not let you get into that since
they are more alert and watchful on those who tend to use them. One must
play their game in which they make rules, and at times they break those rules
at will to fit their situation. Therefore, trying to outwit them must be
accompanied with enough convincing facts to lure them. They tend to be
more miserable when they do not know anything about the issue at hand.

Nevertheless, you should always watch out because they are quick learners
and any mistake is encountered with a repulsive breakout. In an attempt to
get their contempt concerning an issue, one should have full information that
does not contradict the intention. Besides, they usually seek an opportunity to
create interesting conflict which will fit their needs and not the needs of the
whole matter at hand. Either you are in or out or not trying waters.
 5 TOXIC NARCISSISTIC
SUBTYPES AND THEIR
TRAITS
The Overt Narcissist
These people can be easily recognized anywhere they go due to their noisy,
arrogant, and insensitive nature. They are always thirsty for recognition and
complements for their actions. In most cases, they tend to be aggressive
manipulators, arrogant condescension, which makes other people fear their
company at all costs. Since they show a lack of consideration towards other
people, all that matters to them is what they do and not how they do it or how
it affects people in their environment.

Moreover, they care less about what you might think of them on what they
intend to do. Can you imagine living with such a person within your locality?
How will they intrude on your thinking or your action? Remember, they are
influencers who intend to manipulate and persuade people to their way of
thinking. They always seek any chance to make things work on their notion
of doing them.

Typically, the rise of narcissism has always been associated with a particular
kind of abuse to their partners who are weary of their behavior. In most cases,
you will find both males and females seeking therapy to relieve stress and
trauma caused by narcissist in their life. The kind of abuse they undergo is
tremendously dangerous, though they do not realize the kind of impact such
behaviors have on their partners. High chances of narcissist partner
committing suicide and other forms of vices in the society is very high.
Besides, there are high chances of narcissist getting into alcoholism and
burnout due to their unsettled mind which always wonder on many issues at
once. They get it very hard to settle on one issue. Also, the sense of
discontent drives them crazy as they cannot satisfy their needs at once.

Interestingly, there is a tendency of self-punitive and extreme driven to make

them hard to deal with in any given situation. The feeling of being not good
enough when you are around these people makes one feel inferior, and that
feeling is validated by their actions. They will tend to explore and manipulate
you to their benefits, where all they intend to gain is to satisfy own ego. What
kind of relationship do you think such person can lead at the end of the day?
The chances are high that their partner will end up being frustrated and
demoralized by their deeds. Most probably, they will stress their partner,
make them anxious, fearful and exhausted for easy manipulation and control.
In such instances, partners find it difficult to cope up with situations posse by
a narcissist. They are hard to handle, leave a lot to control which is much far
from their partner’s comprehension.

On the contrary, the control every activity around them including their
partners, despite the age and occupation that may make one superior. In their
terms, no one is much superior to them, and if you tend to show them that
you are one, the chances are high that an endless conflict will erupt until you
give up on the issue. The best thing to do is to make way for their demand
and not to compromise their intension and action they are tuned to take. By
doing so, no one will be hurt at the end of everything. It may sound simple,
but until you put it into practice is when you can comprehend it well. No one
likes to be controlled around at the same time; you cannot make things right
with an overt narcissist.

Furthermore, some partners tend to appease such kind of people to make their
lives bearable. It may prove to be a great gesture for one who means good for
the relationship to last, but the person receiving the favor cannot be trusted
with anything. Their lies and manipulative behavior create an avenue for
misuse and mistrust, coupled with an attempt to control the person rendering
such positive gestures. How will you feel if such is done unto you? Your
partner repels against an attempt to make them happy at any point. I am not
judging the relationship you are in at the moment, and I do not care whether
you are a narcissist or not. All that matters is the ethical view of the action
and the reward it impacted on both the giver and the receiver. Honestly, there
is no need to make life difficult for the partner though it is something beyond
our control at times. Trying to keep these people happy in order to avoid
fallout and punishment tend to be unfruitful to their partners thus making
relationship miserable at times. It is a futile mission trying to please these
people.

In most cases, one will get on their nerves, making them repellant and
abusive in the relationship. When such events occur, they will try as much as
they can to reverse the whole matter to their advantage thus making it
difficult for their partner to win. Remember that they are not a loser and in
any case, they encounter a losing battle. They pull out immediately to avoid
frustration and defeat. Why would you argue or engage such character in the
first place if you do not intend to be controlled or manipulated towards their
way? The best thing to do is to avoid such encounters or make it much
difficult for them by not responding to their endless demands. To encounter a
feeling of shame, these people will do anything to reverse the situation on
their favor even by associating it with negative impressions or other people's
faults, which have been forgotten. They will drag the past to fit the current
situation to fit their mission at hand. Can you imagine the extent they can go
to make your life miserable just to revive their current fallout? For instance, if
there is a fallout at the workplace, the chances are high that they will
badmouth a person with the employer to gain their interest and trust at long
last. All they care about is their stake at work and not how you will feel even
if their actions are much aversive and negated to ruin your reputation.

The Situational Narcissist

Factually, it is not very easy to be more superior to everyone in the world;
neither it is true that the true snob never rests. In life, there are higher goals
beyond our reach, and no matter how hard we try, we cannot get all we need
at our disposal. Though there are people who always exhibits narcissist
behavior after becoming successful and are ordained a situational narcissist.
Reasonably, these are the people who, at one point, behaved normal just like
the others, but the moment they have ordained a responsibility or accomplish
something in life, their lives drastically change for the worse. They are lured
by the entitlement making them seem superior to others in the community.
These people developed an egocentric complex immediately after gaining an
accomplishment. Besides, they seem to portray a superiority syndrome to
everyone around them, and the demand to be respected and valued cloud their
judgment. After gaining wealth of any form of external establishment, their
character tends to change for the worse, and they cannot trace their source of
success, those they struggle with up the ladder and anyone who may need
recognition for their accomplishments in life. They are elevated by the status,
which instills a sense of superiority in them, thus creating a barrier with other
individuals, whether close or family or associates; that barrier is hard to
break.

Situational narcissism is just a phase in life when one tends to emulate and
get used to change in the status quo. They believe that they are above others
after achieving something in life, and that can be traced back to how they talk
to people, their relationship circle and the way they portray things around. In
most cases, they look down on the less fortunate in society, and when those
people seek help from them, they always wonder how comes some people are
shallow and cannot help themselves in life, making them look miserable. If
they have to help, chances of announcing to everyone on how they have
helped you can be the talk of the town. They have no silent button in their
mouths; they will talk on everything, anything, and to anyone who deemed to
be interested in the conversation provided that they air their grievances on
how they have bailed someone of the hard situation of life.

These people can be associated with some instances in life, like the moment
when a colleague at the workplace receives a promotion or recognition. At
that moment is when they are likely to be egocentric and think that the world
revolves around them. They become arrogant to their junior and deem them
as incapable of attaining any great heights in life. The title makes them be
more superior, and above the average individuals, they use to struggle with
before attaining the recognition at the higher position. They may seem to be
humble and respectful before entitlement, and the peers may regard them as
the savior of the situation when elected to head the department, not knowing
the likely outcome.
In most cases, a person who marries or dates a trophy partner or a celebrity is
usually elevated by the status; they bask at the partner’s reflected glory.
These people tend to look down upon their peers who were unable to date
such guys terming them as losers who do not know what they want in life.
These can be related to “gold diggers” mentality where they attached to
people with big names and entitlement of life. They will always do anything
to gain that fame even if it means denting their personality.
Additionally, situational narcissist tends to show different faces for different
people. There are ones they perceive to be superior and deserve their respect
and those who do not deserve their respect at all. The one they look down
upon as the lesser in the society. These people will always be friendly and
gracious to their superior. Moreover, they regard the individuals at higher
status to be helpful and turn their charm to lure them into getting what they
want in life. Instead of treating people equally as any other individual, they
treat people concerning their status quo. The economic background tends to
matter a lot to these people, and they give it utmost weight out of all that
exists under the sun.

Typically, situational narcissist perceives social, professional and even family

relationship based on social castes set by them. Mostly, they value the social
status, education, wealth, and professional position as a gauge to success.
They do not care about nationality, the ethnic background to determine on
which way they should treat you as a person. That does not matter to them at
all; they only care about the things or self-improvement benefits they can
inherit from you when they struck the relationship. Actually, they care less
about the less fortunate in society, and they have no time for engaging such
parties since they view them as a burden and not worth their time and
resources. They will travel a long distance just to meet a rich friend even for a
conversation which does not bear any fruit. For them, you are either superior
or inferior, but not their equal. They have no time for their equal and the
inferior in any way; all they care about is how to advance in life at any given
a chance.

By considering the condescending verbal and non-verbal expression of the

situational narcissist, one can literally predict their perception of things.
These people tend to put others down to boost the power and prestige they
have gained over the years at will. They will select victims to ridicule, shame,
and blame and marginalize to get their way in life. Through their non-verbal
expression, you can easily detect their perspective on things if you compare
the way they talk to inferior people and the superior in society. How they
express themselves matters more so when they need something from a
superior person and when they talk down upon an inferior person where they
do not intend to gain anything. They do not like to be depended on, thus
elevation of despise to the poor.
Covert narcissist
At one point, you have come across a flamboyant narcissist full of self-
absorption which cannot be mistaken for anything else. Though there is that
narcissist, who is easy to decipher among people in a gathering or any setup.
These people tend to be self-absorbed when seen outwardly but are more
destructive and abusive more so in a relationship. In most cases, covert
narcissism is developed from childhood, and the likelihood of it being
inherited from generation to generation is close to zero owing to it being a
reared behavior that is nurtured over time by a person. Unfortunately, these
people do not recognize the existence of such destructive behavior until it is
unbearable and cannot be controlled.
Naturally, a covert narcissist is known for their false humility, which they
portray to bait their victims. In most cases, they tend to take form of pride in
a self-deprecating way to gain complement from others, which is later used as
a trap. The intention to do things in a way to seek approval and not as they
are supposed to do to what they intend to do in the first place. Craving for
validation and approval from the victim is what makes them take action. Can
you imagine doing things in order to be seen by others or performing a given
task for validation and justification? If you do so, then there is no difference
between you and a covert narcissist who are fully engrossed in their self-
interest and not honest when carrying out an activity. Therefore, it is
important to note that all they care about is high-status positions which they
intend to gain through all the influence they have. However, they will
disguise themselves in humility to camouflage their inner character which
depicts their true feelings and intention. Being stroked for their actions is the
motivation factor behind their actions. One may be wondering how these
people are behaving and catching up with others in the society, what you
have to know is that all they do does not need to be according to your
judgment or validation. All that they have to do must be accomplished as per
their view on life; there is nothing going to change that perspective.
Factually, these people tend to ignore any valid concern that may be
presented to them by anyone. In most cases, they will tend to follow their
agenda, and if you are seeking empathy from them, then you are in the wrong
place. Their main concern is to fulfill the goals they have initially set, and
there is no turning back despite the prevailing situation that may arise at such
a moment. Selfishness engrosses their actions, and in most cases, they prefer
to see things done in their ways, even if it is contrary to the set objectives and
goals. They prefer to stay alone than learning to be compassionate to others
in any setting. In an organization situation, they will always push an idea to
satisfy their interests, and if people cannot abide by that, they withdraw and
remain adamant about the whole issue at hand. On a personal level, they will
ignore you when you are feeling unwell but demand your attention when they
are in the same situation. What kind of a person will tolerate such nonsense,
when one ignores you, they deserve the same treatment, and there is no
special attention deserved by anyone? Everyone is equal; thus, the call for
equal treatment is required. Why should I waste my time on such useless
people who do not wish well for you? Having such a friend is so dangerous
than having a vampire for a friend. The need to serve each other colonize the
world and should be practiced everywhere despite the ethnic and economic
background. However, covert narcissists usually seek their satisfaction, and
they do not intend to serve anyone; rather, they preferred being served by
others.

The fact that the narcissist is always sensitive should be taken into
consideration. They take any offense or simple criticism seriously, and if you
do not intend to argue or engage in long boring explosive conversation, you
rather keep off from these people. Besides, they are known for magnifying a
small issue into a bigger issue, which may later demand a divisive
perspective. Conversing with these people may prove to be much difficult
since they are not much engaging. They tend to blame others for their
reactions and actions, which should be preserved. If you want to know their
true feelings, watch out no their non-verbal cues they portray. It is obvious
that they reflect their inner feelings through the facial expression seen on
their faces when they cannot hide it anymore. When they cannot deny or
object the situation, they prove to remain adamant about things when seen by
others. In their response to questions and interrogations, they tend to give out
immature responses that do not match or meet the criteria of the question.
They do so to put you out of the question or to make you less interested in the
issue.

Also, they will minimize other people’s needs, thus making them be decimal,
which does not require much attention. In most cases, they will not go into
details of the matter provided that it does not matter in their view. What they
know best is to label people and deflect blames on their actions. Never expect
such people to be responsible for anything that does not concern them. The
chances are high that they will dodge the whole situation or turn it to their
advantage. By doing so, they will portray willingness to take responsibility
not knowing their true intentions. In other words, they are more destructive
and unwilling to commit to any need that may arise. At one point, you will
realize that they take a serious need lightly and brush them aside and regard
them as useless despite the weight of the issue. Interestingly, they do not care
about the facts and logic behind any action; all they care about is their own
limited scope of view, which they have on those issues — no one care about
the energy or time to be invested in the matter at hand.

The Passive-Aggressive Narcissist

The classic narcissist is considered to be charming, boisterous and positive
while speaking at public events; they tend to portray passive-aggressive
personality too. Though they can be viewed as negative from the outside due
to their tendency to blame others, engagement in frequent complaints, and
whining as it is seen in their behavior, that negative part tends to bring out
their toxic behavior, which disgusts people. Moreover, the passive-aggressive
are always true to their words, when they tell you that they would not do
anything, chances are high that they would not do it and nothing can be done
about that issue. Though there is that narcissist who never portrays boisterous
and charming behavior but the negative side of their character, which tends to
define the well. Therefore, an individual who portrays a pervasive pattern of
negativity with a clear resistance for adequate demand suit the category of a
passive-aggressive narcissist personality.

Vividly, the passive-aggressive narcissist is known for their tendency to resist

fulfilling routines that are designed to them on a social level. In most cases,
they will not commit to occupational tasks assigned to them by anyone
making them distinct from others. One may wonder how negative these
people can be at times. Nevertheless, in the real sense, they are the ones
forwarding complaints of being misunderstood by other people while seeking
appreciation and recognition for the little work they have done. Being helped
by these people can be the most disgusting thing you can ever experience;
they will always boost how ungrateful you are after helping you, and the
demand for praise which comes with that is very high that you cannot meet
sometimes. Imagine being reminded of the help they extended to you every
now than with any little provocation that may occur. In case you do not
respond well to their demands, they may resort to a sullen and argumentation
that may attract much attention from people within the stone through
distance. Therefore, always try to be mindful of how you engage such people
if you do not want abuse. The chances are high that they may tend to be more
explosive when provoked and no one will be able to calm them down. They
are those people who will seek attention at slight provocation to lament on
how they are treated badly by other people who surround them.
Moreover, passive-aggressive personality is likely to be associated with silent
treatment, which is seen to be sulks engagement. They believe that they are
the best, and the world with people in it only seeks their help. They seek the
attention of the other individuals and always ready to gain recognition for
what they have not done. In other words, they are impatient and irritable from
the way they engage in a conversation, and that cannot be hidden. How they
engage in talks shows how irresponsible and cynical they are with their
words. A person can indeed be judged on the way they talk, body language
and the tonal variation they portray.
Consequently, these people are envious of others who have superior
capability than them and they tend to emulate their behaviors to remain
relevant in the economy. How they do their things can clearly show the
competitive nature of their behavior, how they intend to create that
competitive advantage on their counterparts and the resultant outcome. They
will openly vent their envy and complaints on how they can do something
better than others accompany their inner feelings and desire at all levels of
their lives. Through their boldness will tend to cease the moment their actions
demand accountability for what they have done wrong; they tend to beg for
forgiveness in such cases, and weeping contest is tuned only to turn the
impact of the event in their favor. They turn on the charm to convince the
person in authority on how they can be trusted again to do well in the future
and the chances of falling for their charm are very high. How they convince
you to will even make you wonder if they really faulted in the fast place. One
may wonder if they were for real when caught red-handed in a given negative
situation, which demands an answer. The way they convince can even make
you feel guilty yourself for the wrong they commit.

On the public level, these people tend to portray a negative outlook, which is
not common with many other narcissists. Nevertheless, when caught between
thick and hard, they tend to use a denial defense mechanism to bail
themselves out of the demeaning situation, which is configured to taint their
image. They will always be good at manipulation and distortion of facts to fit
their perspective points of arguments, which must be right at all times
according to their view on life. Remember that they find it hard to accept any
negative thing they have done, and in most cases, they will turn them on
others. Chances of a narcissist taking the blame are very thin, and if you find
such narcissist, then you are the luckiest person on earth. Anything wrong in
their lives will always be blamed on others to take responsibility for it even if
it is their own responsibility. Also, the tendency of exaggerating their
misfortune is very common with the passive-aggressive narcissist as they
commonly complain of the fact that they are not appreciated.
The need to be understood, valued, and loved by everyone is seen to be part
of their daily mental schema. If those are not done, the narcissist always takes
an offense of not being regarded special by anyone. I wonder how these
people cope in a relationship more so if the victim is a male personality. How
will they always their wives to comment on them on any slight gesture they
make in life and the necessity to be reminded of how special they are in a
relationship? It is obvious that if those appreciations are not directed well,
they will always be defiance and react with range to compensate for the
misunderstanding. They are prone to react to any slight criticism of why they
can be part of every conversation, and this can prove to the fact that they
prefer being alone than in a group where they are prone to attract criticism.

The Sexual narcissist

The sexual narcissism can be termed as being engrossed in emotional and
physical satisfaction more than anything else. In a relationship where one is
only concerned with their sexual gratification and false ego-validation, they
are prone to blatant emotional manipulation. Mostly they resort to repeated
abuse, neglect and misuse, which tend to bore a negative impact on the
victim. According to research, there is a correlation between the sexual
addiction, relational infidelity and domestic violence which exist due to
sexual narcissism of a partner.
Alternatively, sexual narcissism can be labeled as a grandiose sense of sexual
prowess, which drives a partner to physical and emotional manipulation of
the partner at their own expense. The partner uses the other for their
satisfaction and not for the benefit of the relationship which is the initial
option. Significantly, it is marked as a lack of true intimacy in a relationship,
and it is a matter of exploitation without any benefit to the other partner. How
does it feel to have such a partner who does not care about your feelings?
Those who only need sex from you and in the end they will only ask if they
were better at it. That is their main concern and not how it feels on your end
or if they were able to satisfy you well. The narcissist will always find a way
to satisfy their needs first without considering the emotional impact they have
on the other party. One ought to take a leave out of such a relationship, which
is not satisfying at all if need be or if they feel used by the partner.

Therefore, it is prudent to identify the partner you are about to engage with
for a long term relationship. As a piece of advice, one should monitor the
sexual narcissism in a partner before coming to that relationship to avoid
headaches and heart trauma that may come with it in the long run. How is
one supposed to commit to a manipulative, abusive and disgusting
relationship which has nothing good to offer but the trouble? Frequently, the
victim will seem to be guilty of exposing their partners, not knowing that
they stand a high chance of suffering when they keep quite with the matter.

Most of the sexual narcissists and very influential and alluring tom get on
their victims. They use attractive words that may not expose their true
intention. During the initial stages of the relationship, when they are in dire
need of the partner, they tend to do anything within their power to win the
partner over. They are like salespeople master, always with a great charisma
to get the attention. Employing any kind of deceiving flattery during
seduction to win the partner over is not a big deal to them. One may mistake
them for an angel when they first approach with a seductive conversation to
lure the victim to their charm. Numerous nights out, gifts, and take away be
the talk of the day. They will lift you off your feet without noticing and in the
end, one will give in to their seduction. Though some of the sexual narcissists
are good at bed and they use that prowess to get on well with many partners.
However, there is nothing wrong with being charming, romantic, and a good
lover to the next person. As a narcissist, who is always out to exploit others at
their own expense, at one point, try to evaluate the feeling of the partner in
order to make the relationship valuable? Unfortunately, that is far from their
imagination or contemplation since they are not interested in the person but
the things they can gain from them. Sexual gratification is what matters to
them at all levels. Their desire to fulfill the gap created in a relationship, the
emptiness, or inability to create true intimacy in a relationship makes them
more dangerous.

Classically, pathological narcissists often have an inflated sense of

themselves, and they always crave for approval from their partner. Though
they are highly sensitive to criticism and they hardly recognize their partner’s
contribution. They try very hard to perform well in bed as their primary
concern above all the sexual contribution. In the initial stages of the
relationship, they try as much as possible to perform well in bed to please
their partner which in turn cement the relationship to its stable status. There is
always a difference between individual satisfying each other in bed and those
which Is one-sided. With a sexual narcissist, one is only liable to get the
result based on the other person’s satisfaction state. A narcissist only gets the
satisfaction they desire, neglecting the need of the partner who may seem to
require the same satisfaction achievement in sex. Besides, they are only
engulfed in a virtuoso performance, which crowds their perception in life.
Often they expect the partner to validate their performance and worship them
as their gods.

Habitually, a sexual narcissist has a weird lovemaking strategy where they

are always focused on the physical outlook than the inner self of a partner.
They focus on how they can get full satisfaction based on the physical image
of the person. For instance, if a narcissist is a man, he will always major on
the body structure of the female partner and how they can lure them into
sexual intimacy. Nothing like emotionally engaging with the person is out of
binding for the sexual narcissist. Why waste their valuable time in exploiting
the support and emotional engagement when they have sex for themselves.
These people have no time with relationship-building strategies and heart
turmoil, which has always been part and parcel of every relationship. Too sad
to engage with such people in a long term engagement. These are the types of
people who will only call you when they need sex, and at the other times,
they will not bother about your well-being. Caring passion, tenderness, and
vulnerability are beyond their scope of thinking, and even if they try, they can
still not make it there. The only thing that matters to them is that their partner
exists to satisfy their needs, and that is all.
 CHAPTER 5: HEALING
YOUR HEART AFTER
ABUSE
All types of emotional abuse are agonizing. Since they leave deep scars,
passionate and mental maltreatment can now and then be excruciating as well
as incredibly hard to unwind. Narcissistic abuse denies you of certainty,
feeling of self and even mental soundness. You start by scrutinizing your
conduct, however soon the characteristic sentiments that emerge because of
your association with the narcissist. One of the first things that occur in quite
a while is that your connection with your intuition gets cut off. What's more,
soon that extends to incorporate your loved ones. So as to have their
direction, the abuser needs to seclude their injured individual. On the off
chance that you've been there, you'll know precisely what I mean here.
Despite the fact that you were seeing someone, never felt all the more alone.
At that point… you wake up. You understand this isn't a relationship to
remain in and deal with yet to flee from quick, and you do it. But, it becomes
the hardest thing you've at any point done. That is on the grounds that not in a
million years you'd imagine that the individual who broadcasted undying
adoration for you could sell out you such a great amount of and on such huge
numbers of levels. So you leave. However, despite the fact that the abuser is
no longer there to hurt you and continue jabbing at your injuries, you
continue hurting by and by. Maybe the outside misuse was taken in, and now
you are left with it, not realizing how to extract it out of yourself. What do
you do to heal from the narcissistic abuse?
 GETTING STARTED WITH
HEALING
The most significant thing you can accomplish for yourself in the wake of
healing from narcissistic abuse is to make a safe paradise for yourself with
the goal that you can mend your broken heart and emotions. On the off
chance that you are still in contact with the abuser since you share authority
or are in another confounded situation, there are still things you can do to
secure yourself.
The best thing is to cut off contact completely. In the event that you can't do
so physically, do it inwardly. This implies when you are connecting with the
abuser, show no feeling, regardless of whether it implies kicking a tree trunk
later on or shouting in your vehicle. By indicating no feeling and not sharing
anything individual about your life, by truly acting exhausted around the
abuser, you give them the sense that they have no control over you. Despite
the fact that you may not feel like you have your capacity to achieve this at
first, that stage will come and set soon enough. The key is activity, an activity
that dismisses the abuser and pours a huge amount of affection and
consideration into you.

It tends to be an outside idea from the outset, particularly in the event that
you are somebody who is accustomed to giving of yourself to other people
and discovers an extraordinary incentive in that. You will actually need to
prepare yourself to accomplish the boomerang thing; to connect and offer
back to yourself. When your cup is full again, you will have new vitality to
give in a manner that won't bargain your respectability nor exhaust you.
Recuperating after narcissistic maltreatment is a holy time. It's a chance to
dive deep, find your scars and pour oil on your injuries. It's the point at which
you figure out how to turn into your actual healer. Since just you have that
power, the ability to mend yourself and become solid and spry
incomprehensible. This is the means by which heroes are made.
Take the leap
Since the healing period can last some time, and a few of us are anxious to
move on, structure new, sound connections and make some extraordinary
memories, there is an approach to accelerate the procedure. This is the place
externalization comes in. Since stuff will keep on coming up. Such is reality.
Yet, how we handle it and how we see ourselves as we come unraveled, is the
thing that has the effect. Research in brain science has discovered that
certainty isn't a reason, but instead, an impact. You gain certainty by doing
what you purpose you will do.
Attempting new things is a quantum jump in healing. This is on the grounds
that it moves us suddenly from dwelling on the past to anticipating something
later on. It welcomes a mystical state called care to set in. Despite the fact
that you may want to twist up and hibernating, and there is certainly time for
that in a primary couple of long periods of healing. It is advisable to make a
rundown of a wide range of things you've wanted to do for a long while yet
never did, as life, kids, the relationship, work, and so forth. This is the ideal
opportunity to do it! Regardless of whether it is learning another dialect,
heading out to a spot you constantly needed to visit, composing a story,
making a work of art, pursuing a long distance race, or a self-preservation
class, put it on your rundown and get it going. It is externalization taken to
the highest level.

Science demonstrates that when you change conditions, you become

increasingly alert. Research further shows that changing your condition
upgrades your care. Attempting new things fabricates new neuropathways in
your cerebrum, which enables you to move your concentration from the
terrible past to the energizing future, on drive. New conceivable outcomes
emerge, entryways open and soon you wind up carrying on with another life.

All that won't come simply from the outset. It will expect exertion to defeat
the idleness and possibly feel like you are ascending a sloppy mountain in the
downpour. Be that as it may, on the off chance that you continue on slightly
more, you will arrive at a level and have a snapshot of joyful rest. You will
glance back at where you originated from and feel your heart load up with
gratefulness for the voyage you left upon, at your very own volition! The
credit will be yours to take, and the reward will be a more profound,
progressively true feeling of self and an extraordinary view for certainty. It's
a self-offered blessing because nobody will ever have the option to detract
from you.

To what extent does it take to accomplish passionate recuperating after

narcissistic maltreatment? Maybe you've been lounging near, asking yourself
questions such as… "For what reason does it take such a long time to recover
from this sorrow?", "For what reason wouldn't I be able to quit thinking about
the individual who treated me like trash?", "For what reason do despite
everything I love them after what they did to me?", "Will this torment ever
end?" Fixating on a sincerely damaging relationship is depleting, and
regularly so adverse that many lose their positions, homes, and even care of
their youngsters. In extreme cases, suicide endeavors and at times effectively
accomplished. There are numerous components engaged with mending from
narcissistic maltreatment. Similarly, with any misfortune, there will be times
of lamenting, disavowal, outrage, and sadness. Nonetheless, not at all like a
run of the mill separation where you would, in the end, arrive at a point of
acknowledgment, numerous casualties of narcissistic misuse stay focused and
fixate on their abuser, frequently enduring up to ten years or more post-
separation. For what reason does this occur, and what would you be able to
do in your voyage of enthusiastic healing after narcissistic abuse?

Adopt grounding systems and self-calming techniques

The mystery ingredient that you won't discover in many articles with respect
to mending is simply the significance of figuring out how to ground – a.k.a.
self-soothing. Regardless of whether you do, this is a decent marker of
whether you will genuinely start to mend. Narcissistic abuse is a passionate
injury. It focuses on your base relinquishment wound. At the point when you
feel sold out, dismissed, and deserted by the Narcissist, your amygdala
captures your sane reasoning and sends you into battle or-flight mode. You
have an idea (I've been dismissed in light of the fact that I'm bad enough),
you experience a feeling from that idea (alarm, trouble, sorrow), and
afterward, you go for it. No doubt… you'll need to quit doing that. There's
not a great deal you can do to keep this from happening totally, yet rehearsing
self-relieving strategies and establishing procedures will help damper this
enthusiastic commandeer whenever rehashed reliably. The best methods are
similar ones used to help with PTSD triggers and enthusiastic injury.
Figuring out how to self-relieve is the basic initial step in light of the fact that
something else, any exercises you take part in to recuperate and push ahead
will be depleted away by the passionate seizing brought about by your
amygdala.

Allow yourself to lament and be irate

Numerous victims of narcissistic abuse have a bogus observation that since
the narcissist was a fake and the relationship was uneven, that they shouldn't
enable themselves to lament or vent their outrage. This couldn't possibly be
more off-base. Not enabling yourself to process these sentiments frequently
prompts inconvenient results at a later point in time, for example, stalling out
in passionate, or profound degrees of loss. This commonly shows in
manifestations, for example; remaining stuck in a pitiful, furious, or
burdensome state, or frequently feeling deadpan, indications of stifled
outrage, delayed weariness, gloom, or apathy, at least one addictions,
rehashed shirking’s, some kind of incessant agony or sickness, and stoutness
as well as dietary issues.

Seek professional help

On the off chance that you trust, you may experience the ill effects of any
type of mental despondencies, for example, confused sorrow. Entangled
melancholy is a serious and enduring type of anguish that assumes control
over one's life. This is extremely basic in the repercussions of injurious
connections since unfortunate casualties never get the approval they wanted,
nor do they get a feeling of conclusion. Following the end of an oppressive
relationship, a great deal of business is left incomplete, including agitated
debates, the ruining of your character, questions unanswered, and pathetic
love. You're left hanging, incapable of finishing your association with your
abuser, and feeling stuck in the torment of your anguish. What makes this
sort of distress so horrifying is that you should lament twice – once for the
individual who love-besieged you and for whom you battled to bring back in
the midst of soul-breaking misuse, and you additionally lament the end of the
relationship. On the off chance that you trust you may be experiencing
confused anguish, it would be ideal if you look for the administrations of an
authorized advisor who represents considerable authority in psychological
mistreatment/injury. It might be important to go taking drugs, however, ask
about non-addictive ones that you can use on your most troublesome days.
Implement the zero contact rule
Numerous victims of narcissistic abuse delay their healing by leaving a
window open in the occasion the narcissist chooses to connect. Over the
gatherings and talk rooms, incalculable unfortunate casualties portray how
they've been "No Contact" for the such-and-such measure of time, however,
then get a call or email from their Ex. On the off chance that the narcissist has
a route in, at that point, no contact hasn't been appropriately executed. This is
the essential driver of not having the option to recuperate in light of the fact
that as long as your abuser has a route in, genuine mending can't happen.
When the narcissist effectively connects and incites a reaction, you're back in
the thick of the abuse. On the off chance that youngsters are included, a
severe arrangement for adjusted contact ought to be legitimately recorded,
entered, and implemented. Keep in mind; narcissists are egotistical in their
conviction that you will give up to their controls. Not implementing the no
contact rule just fortifies their sentiments of entitlement and lessens your
odds of passionate mending after narcissistic abuse.
Quit inquiring about Narcissism every minute of every day.

During the period of revelation, teaching yourself about narcissism is basic in

understanding the qualities of the confusion and causes you perceive the
elements of damaging connections. Be that as it may, when it's an ideal
opportunity to really mend, your center should then go to recuperating
strategies, self-care, and narcissistic abuse recuperation.

Consistently inquire about the qualities of narcissism maintains your

emphasis on them, not on you or your recuperation. Keep in mind the well-
known adage, "What fires together, wires together"? Each time you rehash a
specific thought or activity, you fortify the association between your neurons,
transforming those contemplations into a lifestyle, and along these lines
affecting your everyday reality. Executing self-care designs that are certain
and sound might be troublesome from the start, yet with training, they also
will get constant, and will assist you with recouping faster.

Work on your confidence

The main, most significant thing to acknowledge is that the apparent
dismissal from your abuser is a hallucination. Their essential objective is to
make you feel negated, undetectable. This means regardless of whether they
subtly believe you're appealing, effective, enjoyable to be near, or the best
accomplice they've at any point had, they will NEVER admit to it, except if
they are attempting to keep you in the line. Narcissists endeavor to remove
each and every smidgen of your confidence since that is the manner by which
they keep you snared… to keep you thinking, "I am harmed products. Better
to have somebody who treats me like poo than nobody by any means". Keep
in mind, the greater part of what leaves their mouth is an untruth, including
the negative things they state about you.
Be determined to save yourself at any cost.

This stage is a "make it or break it" challenge. The damaged accomplice

presently should make a harsh stand, irreversible regardless of the result. The
person must save self within sight of any genuine or saw danger or activated
response, regardless of whether it implies briefly killing all consciousness of
the other accomplice's considerations, sentiments, or necessities. This
important position is new to the abuse unfortunate casualty and can run over
to the next accomplice as cold or apathetic. Frightened, receptive, sensational,
defensively covered, compromising, pulled-back, apparently narrow minded
and self-serving reactions detonate and may undermine the relationship, all of
a sudden.
Not knowing how to offset sensible self-protection with empathy and
thinking about the other individual, recuperating from injury will typically
blunder toward endurance, in any event, when they intentionally or
unconsciously damage and push away those critical to their healing
procedure. These judgments are difficult for an abuse casualty to hold. There
is consistently the predictable interior self-extorting going on that tells those
developing contenders that the person won't win and that the test itself will
prompt progressively desperate results. Those inward sentiments of pre-rout
feel like a labyrinth that will consistently prompt a similar snare.

During healing, a person must figure out how to offset gallantry with their
very own authentic requirements for self-safeguarding. They should
acknowledge just what they are really liable for in the present without
tolerating any fault for what has befallen the other person previously. It is a
hard job to hold, particularly if that recuperating accomplice has developed
and dire needs of their own. It is just when the developing self-defensive,
self-saving, and non-blameworthy accomplice finds a sense of contentment
with their new position of intensity, that the following stage is even
conceivable. Not until the end of time, will that developing victor enable
oneself to be overwhelmed or abused. All displeasure, disdain, and fear die
down as the new change turns into a perpetual piece of that individual's new
self.

Essential admonition: This is the phase that is well on the way to bring about
a separation of the relationship. It takes a profoundly valiant, sure, and strong
person not to think about this stage literally and push back with their very
own needs. The fight at that point, for the earlier unfortunate casualty, gets
inside. Does the person surrender the courageous position of dealing with self
at any cost or supplicate to the requests of the other? There can't be some
other decision for the abuse unfortunate casualty yet to proceed on the way of
self-safeguarding, regardless of whether the other accomplice can just
consider it to be egotistical or self-advancing at his or his cost. It tends to be
useful if the mending abuse injured individual can recognize the quandary if
their accomplice without feeling strain to surrender the pivotal choice to hold
quickly to what must be finished.

Incredible compassion
The individuals who have unbound themselves from oppression feel the
novelty of the control over their own lives, yet they can likewise now feel
empathy, both towards themselves and other abuse exploited people,
including their present accomplice who may have been simply the beneficiary
of their serving lack of concern during their recuperating procedure. They
have, for all time, quit any pretense of living on a representative "testimony
box," regularly expecting to protect, to pardon, to argue, to clarify, and to ask
for kindness. They realize how to consider others responsible for their very
own activities and not to consider each to be experienced as their deficiency.
They have supplanted the blame of not matching another person's desires
with confiding in their own criteria for self-judgment or change. They are
increasingly ready to perceive injury in others and not feel dependable to
"fix" them at their very own cost. They additionally realize they should be
ever vigilant for their very own disguised abuser that has driven their
practices for such a long time. Incessantly abused individuals have been
educated to just observe the world partitioned among abusers and unfortunate
casualties, with no different choices. Presently, as an individual who can see
the world from outside those restrictions, they have triumphed over that
oppressive voice that once drove them from inside yet realize it can develop
again if triggers actuate it. At the point when they do experience another who
initiates old reactions, their first reaction is never again to feel cornered,
however rather to effectively examine what may lie behind that individual's
inspirations and motivation. They do this with certainty, realizing that they
won't enable themselves to be maneuvered once again into the snare of self-
uncertainty and ill-conceived accommodation. Presently, feeling the ace of
their own destinies, they are in a situation to pick with whom, how, when,
and why they will open to adore. They have realized what triggers their past
anguish, how to remember it when it occurs, and how to supplant their old
responses with new quality. They comprehend what they need, what they
won't maintain, and what they can offer, in manners just the individuals who
have triumphed over injury can.

Becoming a role model for others

It is a notable and confided in aphorism that the most ideal approach to
master anything is to instruct it to other people. The main proviso is that
encouraging must be by model, never by lecturing. At the point when you are
completely into the third phase of your progress, Ground-breaking Sympathy,
you will wind up changed in two critical ways: the main contrast in your
musings and practices, is that you are never again pulled in to, nor pulled in
by, individuals who are oppressive or want to spare their unfortunate
casualties. You will have sympathy for those secured harming connections.
However, you won't feel committed to join or fix them. The second is that the
individuals who currently encompass you will treat you with another frame of
mind of regard. They will need to know how you changed from a weak
unfortunate casualty into a humane warrior. You will reveal to them that you
recognized, worked through, and broke free of the obligations of the
abuser/unfortunate casualty communications and that you are presently
dedicated to being a model for other people who request help. Nobody who
has experienced this change expects the harmony they feel when they are
never again vulnerable to being extorted in light of their dread of reprisal or
misfortune. The interior quality of having beaten depression makes every
single new challenge feel less undermining. Maybe the abuse they persevered
through framed the premise of the opportunity they have accomplished, never
again to be knowledgeable about a similar way.
3 propensities to abstain from during emotional healing from narcissistic
abuse
While healing is diverse for everybody, there are specific things we do that
upset recuperating, and can even switch any advancement we may have
made. Incidentally, these are exercises that each individual leaving a harmful
relationship does, and further, ones which we are intrinsically wired to do!
The main three practices that frustrate enthusiastic mending from narcissistic
abuse and frequently keep survivors from at last making it over the edge to
the harmony that anticipates on the opposite side.

Perusing an unnecessary measure of material identifying with narcissism.

At the point when you initially started examining reasons why the narcissist
carries on the manner in which they do, the revelation that they might be
narcissistic likely felt approving. It carried lucidity to their practices, just as
your responses to those practices. Nonetheless, there comes a point where
further perusing on the theme of narcissism becomes debatable and even
dangerous. Unsettled on the grounds that having a Ph.D. in narcissism won't
change the result of the relationship. Ruinous in light of the fact that it
maintains your emphasis on the narcissist, the abuse, the injury, and all the
more significantly, it shields you from concentrating without anyone else
wounds.

Genuine recuperating starts with peering inside to your very own internal,
injured center. Nothing outside of you will assist you with recuperating in
light of the fact that your passionate wounds are inside. Rather than looking
into how the narcissist turned into a narcissist, the sort of narcissist they may
be, and where they lie on the narcissistic continuum, turn your center onto
recuperating your harmed mental self-portrait and mending the dangerous
disgrace that the narcissist developed inside you so as to keep you
subordinate upon them. What fires together, wires together. This means,
whatever you feed your brain regularly is the thing that decides your gauge
thought designs. Point of confinement your utilization of material on
narcissism to around 90/10 (90% mending, 10% narcissism).

Accepting that time mends all injuries

Besides the point discussed above, that time alone unquestionably doesn't
mend all injuries. There are a great many models everywhere throughout the
web that negate this fantasy. In the event that time recuperated wounds, there
wouldn't be individuals who are as yet enduring five and ten years after their
relationship finished (once in a while longer!) Time doesn't mend, it basically
passes. Enthusiastic mending after narcissistic abuse has an inseparable tie to
what you do with that time.

The way to recuperation is an activity, not time. The intuitive personality is

indifferent. It will work to accomplish whatever objectives you set before it,
regardless of whether fortunate or unfortunate. Present it with objectives of
recuperating and recuperation, and it will work to assist you with
accomplishing those objectives. The equivalent goes for giving it objectives
for making sense of the narcissist. It might help you in picking up
information about your scattered accomplice's condition, however that
solitary leads you back to the unavoidable result, which eventually leaves you
with nothing to appear for every one of the hours put resources into such an
endeavor.

In the event that you've quite recently found you are managing a narcissist,
it's just normal to need to examine their intentions, activities, and practices.
That is the thing that our cerebrums are intended to do. In any case, to
develop theme #1, when you arrive at the point where you are reliably
perusing data that you definitely know, that is a valid statement at which to
end your examination on narcissism and turn your center onto your
recuperating. At the point when you do start your mending work, remember
that all together for your subliminal personality to recuperate, it must
experience recuperating occasions. In particular, you may locate some
generally excellent recordings, books, or other composed material regarding
the matter of mending, yet procuring data through perusing is detached. At
the end of the day, you should effectively participate in the recommended
recuperating exercises all together for new neural examples to shape in your
cerebrum… a great dependable guideline is to pick a mending propensity and
practice it consistently for at any rate 21 days. It won't do a lot of good, for
example, on the off chance that you just read books without placing
enthusiastically what you have perused. For instance, considers have
demonstrated the ground-breaking impact that composing has on the
recuperation procedure. It shapes new neural pathways, while when you
peruse or watch recordings, your cerebrum really sifts through the majority of
what you devour!
Sort mealing data out from several distinct sites and discussions.
More data isn't in every case, better. There is an inborn hazard engaged with
acknowledging all that one peruses on the web, particularly when it includes
healing from narcissistic abuse. It's enticing to start gathering data from
various locales. However, then you risk getting so overpowered with the
colossal heap of information that you basically solidify, unfit to frame a
significant arrangement. Attempt to adhere to a bunch of creators whom you
have developed to trust. Stop just gathering data and, rather, start the projects
that are recommended or made by the creators whom you respect the most.
It's additionally reasonable to avoid locales that solitary wash in injury,
continuing forever about narcissists and their grimy, underhanded deeds and
post photographs that damage the subliminal personality. Rather, pursue ones
that offer viewpoints from the objective's perspective, just as ones
recommend distinctive mending modalities. It's never past the point where it
is possible to recover your life – so you end up on the way towards your
spirit's actual healings and longings. You have it in your capacity to endure
intense occasions – and turn out more grounded, better, smarter.
We are prone to psychological mistreatment, especially inside personal
connections. Regardless of whether the first abuse was executed by males or
females, the individuals who have encountered it are profoundly harmed.
Their feeling of worth and ability to ensure themselves in resulting
connections will be for all time destroyed without experiencing a fruitful
mending process. Regardless of whether they suffered it from youth or from
harsh grown-up connections, the casualties of constant psychological
mistreatment frequently endure a huge number of foolish indications. The
passionate and physical articulations of these side effects are uncannily like
those of post-awful pressure issue unfortunate casualties: undesirable and
upsetting recollections, bad dreams, flashbacks, upsetting real responses,
hyper-cautious tension, fault, blame, surprise reactions, just as inside
sentiments of disconnection and vulnerability. Accordingly, the individuals
who have encountered persistent psychological mistreatment experience
issues picking non-injurious accomplices. Their earlier barren and anguishing
cooperations makes them suspicious and vigilant that any caring accomplice
would ever approach them with deference and consideration. Accepting that
there can't be anything better for them, they may keep on re pick similar sorts
of associations once more.
Healing from those injuries can't start until the abuse is halted, either by
effectively testing the present culprit or by leaving the relationship. It is
regularly more difficult than one might expect. Numerous unfortunate
casualties have been mentally conditioned to the point that they are too scared
to even think about challenging that accomplice and don't see an approach to
get away. Be that as it may, in any event, for the individuals who figure out
how to liberate themselves from a damaging accomplice, it is still frequently
a difficult task to recuperate. When separated from frequently successive
abuse connections, they should figure out how to not just pick a superior
accomplice later on, however, to likewise ceaselessly rehearse their battle to
keep up solid and self-protecting limits. It is common to find couples where
one or the two accomplices are endeavoring to recuperate their past abuses
inside their present relationship or with another one. In the previous, the two
accomplices must be eager to change the oppressive association. In the last
mentioned, they understand that potential triggers are constantly present and
should be respected and tested when they rise. Tragically, numerous
casualties of constantly harsh connections will, in general, be pulled in to
accomplices who are potential abusers. They react to the positive parts of that
accomplice and might be oblivious to those that may flag another error. Once
in the relationship, they may, in any case, disregard the indications of abuse,
needing urgently to accept they will be exceeded by the decency of the
organization. Numerous experts harshly exhort that a psychological
mistreatment injured individual should initially resolve these past injuries
before entering any new relationship, much like they would prompt a
mutually dependent accomplice to look for recuperation before they may
unknowingly enter an association with a fanatic once more.

In spite of the fact that that succession may offer the most encouraging result,
my own supposition is that it is once in a while the case. All the more
regularly, I find, as I expressed over, that abuse unfortunate casualties are
bound to be attracted to comparative connections where they are tempted by
commonality yet floated by new trusts. Since it is the more typical decision,
sincerely abused relationship accomplices all the more frequently end up
expecting to change inside a relationship, either present or new. They should
learn various reactions that assist them with recuperating while they are
probably going to keep being activated in old manners. Get-together quality
through that procedure has a conceivably transformative result. Those private
accomplices who can turn out to be fearlessly amazing inside a relationship
are effectively occupied with assuming responsibility for their cooperation’s.
Like a recuperating alcoholic who turns out to be absolutely calm not
savoring a bar, they consider possibly to be connections as spots to rehearse
and fortify their dedication. For that to be conceivable, abuse unfortunate
casualties must pick a partner who comprehends and underpins their
recuperating travel and can hang with them through the three basic stages that
will follow in that procedure. On the off chance that that picked partner
likewise has an injury of their own, at that point, the two partners must be
willing to put in enough effort to assist each other through the healing and
recovery journey. It is not easy to go through all the stages of healing from
narcissistic abuse on your own. Therefore, it is advisable to find supportive
friends or family members to walk you through the healing process and
encourage you to keep fighting when you feel down and defeated.
 CHAPTER 6: BECOME
IMMUNE TO NARCISSISM

Understand Who a Narcissist Really is

Narcissists are infamous for mercilessly controlling others to increase a key

preferred position over them. However, they're astoundingly helpless against
being hoodwinked themselves as a result of their ground-breaking mental
safeguards, which, whenever perceived, can be vivaciously utilized against
them.
The DSM-5, the standard manual for diagnosing mental and passionate
issues, records nine criteria for deciding if an individual is distressed with this
genuine issue. What's more, this post will show how basically these criteria in
a roundabout way propose neurotic narcissists' interested helplessness to
others' outflanking them. For as inflexibly contracted as the narcissist's
character structure seems to be, their created, super-sized "bogus self" still
requires the help of others to remain safely (however misleadingly) swelled.

What's more, as savvy and plotting as they can be, they're not without huge,
vulnerable sides. Incomprehensibly, their very resistances can make them
vulnerable notwithstanding anyone's craving to utilize their self-defensive
covering against them. What's more, in manners that, unavoidably, they will
most likely be unable to distinguish until it's past the point of no return. We
should begin by investigating DSM's early on bird's-eye perspective on
neurotic narcissism. For everything beneath will get from this succinct
portrayal:
An unavoidable example of affectedness (in dream or conduct), requirement
for appreciation, and absence of sympathy.
What, figuring out the real story, this portrayal uncovers is that, if it's to feel
steady and secure, the narcissist's overconfident feeling of prevalence relies
upon others' consistent affirmation. What's more, this need to have their
supposed five-star greatness ostensibly approved is decisively what makes
them subject to other people, rendering them powerless against the
individuals who, calculatingly, would authenticate their "extraordinariness"
yet just to accomplish their own closures. In addition, ordinarily, these
closures add up to just avenging themselves against the narcissist who,
previously, insensitively abused them, and by doing so, leaving them with
ground-breaking sentiments of outrage and hatred.
Having been exploited and insensitively externalized, these unfortunate
casualties felt abused as well as disparaged, offended, even embarrassed and
all due to the narcissist's intolerable absence of compassion. Thus, in the least
difficult of terms, the DSM's curt diagram of the most particular narcissistic
characteristics proposes the relational powerful that records for how the
narcissist's controls can prompt their exploited people's retaliatory counter-
controls. It's imperative to clarify this wonder based on what psychoanalytic
hypothesis marks "narcissistic supply" what every dangerous narcissist must
depend on to fill the chewing vacuum dwelling somewhere inside
themselves. Sincerely disengaged from others, narcissists can't esteem
anybody freely of how they may address the requests of their self-image,
which are unquenchable. So they're bound to seek after others, however, just
to the extent that they can "supply" the narcissist with the consideration,
insistence, deference, commendation, and regard they ache for. For at exactly
that point can the narcissist keep securely covered whatever antiquated
questions regardless they harbor about their essential worth.

Most neurotic narcissists are covertly tormented without anyone else's input
regarding shortages starting in youth and conceal or safeguarded against by
rather crude figments of loftiness and an exaggerated feeling of
predominance and privilege. Also, this requirement for others to respect
them, to support the feeble establishment of their deliberately composed
persona, is the thing that at last makes them so powerless against others'
words and conduct. On the off chance that they're so delicate and furiously
receptive to anything taking after analysis, this is a result of their profound
established weaknesses. This curious (and not for the most part perceived)
reliance on others is consistent for them, and it can never be completely
fulfilled. Like mythic vampires, their enthusiastic destitution requires a
standard supply of new blood to continue them. Also, similarly, as these
predators must rely upon their unfortunate casualties for sustenance, in this
way, as well, do narcissists develop others to reinforce their unsafe mental
self-portrait.

Consider, for instance, how frequently narcissists brag about their unmatched
achievements, and how their endeavors alone caused them when commonly
they profited by a wide range of outside help. Be that as it may, narcissists
severely dislike sharing credit for anything or conceding reliance on others.
In any case, their outward dependence is very genuine, and it can set them up
for inevitable annihilation—especially from angry people who've felt
pitilessly abused. To put this somewhat better, if the narcissist has a solitary,
general objective in life it's to accomplish the loftiest conceivable mental self-
view, one that is unassailable. So they're constrained to draw in, or "enroll,"
others for the sole motivation behind helping them in accomplishing this
gaudy goal.
How about we return now to the DSM criteria for narcissism to additionally
develop the focuses effectively made about how narcissists' unavoidable
reliance on their "narcissistic providers" render them particularly guileless to
the individuals who can't resist the urge to hate the second rate job to which
they've been consigned.

The primary benchmark in the DSM rotates around obsessive narcissists'

"gaudy feeling of affectedness." It stresses how these people "overstate their
accomplishments and abilities." so they profess to discover much more about
things than they really do. As one essayist puts it:

Narcissists are frequently guileless, gullible, and amazingly unmindful of

anything outside their tight hover of interests. (They're regularly incredibly
uninformed of things outside their areas of interests since plainly they have
just aced the theme and don't have to ponder more or keep up on new
advancements.) . They take risks since it doesn't jump out at them that they
could lose, make immense requests since it doesn't strike them, they don't
reserve a privilege to request certain things, lie since it doesn't jump out at
them that other individuals could see through them. This portrayal
recommends how the narcissist's reckless fearlessness, positive thinking,
grounded in their illusionary pomposity, ridiculous assumption of
qualification, and duplicity all identify with their weakened capacity to
precisely distinguish the responses of others, along these lines making them
even more powerless to dismissal, disappointment, and misuse. As edgy as
they are to be found with a certain goal in mind, they can be amazingly
uncaring by the way they see others, every now and again anticipating onto
them characteristics they can't let themselves perceive in themselves. What's
more, this striking childishness can prompt after-effects they'd never foresee.
Supplementing the first DSM foundation for narcissism, the second further
expands their self-important intuition as it adds to their guilelessness: The
narcissist "is engrossed with dreams of boundless achievement, control,
splendor, magnificence, or perfect love." Note how these canny perceptions
connect to the DSM's fifth foundation: In particular, narcissists have "a
feeling of privilege, i.e., preposterous desires for particularly positive
treatment or programmed consistency with their desires." Narcissists feel
qualified for cash, power, and respect disproportionate with their
achievements or work. They think the world owe[s] them an issue free,
commended, and extravagant presence. So, they are discourteously stunned
when they are punished for their unfortunate behavior or when their dreams
fail to actualize. To put it plainly, the narcissist's sweeping feeling of
privilege is infrequently supported by the remainder of the world.
Subsequently, their affectedly contorted self-discernment is whenever liable
to being broken. As strenuously as they try to persuade themselves, they're
not exempt from the laws that apply to everyone else, or the court of popular
supposition. Think about this well-known expression from Abraham Lincoln:
You can trick every one of the individuals a portion of the time, and a portion
of the individuals constantly, however, you can't trick every one of the
individuals constantly.

The DSM's third rule: The narcissist "believes that the individual is
'exceptional' and interesting and must be comprehended by, or should
connect with, other unique or high-status individuals." We can handle that
narcissists make a decent attempt to charm themselves with profoundly
positioned people to keep their dishonestly raised self-assessment "tied
down" as a general rule. In any case, just beneath the surface, what's
uncovered here is a level of weakness immeasurably past anything they may
be eager to acknowledge. What's more, these confidence deficiencies connect
to the DSM's fourth paradigm: The narcissist's "requiring over the top
appreciation." Clearly, the loftier the station of the individual respecting
them, the more significant to them such praise will be. On the off chance that
narcissists so regularly fish for praises preferably, from those of high status,
or who appear to mirror the achievement, power, brightness, or excellence
they themselves long for they make themselves significantly more helpless
against the individuals who might happily offer them such applause, yet just
to fill their very own needs.

These begrudged others, regularly showing narcissistic qualities themselves,

"play into" the narcissist's exaggerated pride so that, essentially, they can
utilize the narcissist's guards against them. Besides, the narcissist's
egocentricity, or pride, can render them oblivious in regards to others' thought
processes of personal circumstances. Also, in their limited focus, they will be
unable to identify that their apparent companions are really utilizing them. It
can't be over-accentuated that, unequipped for filling their internal void
themselves, narcissists should persistently situate outside "providers" to make
up for their ceaseless vacancy. Also, on the grounds that credible self-
approval is such a long way past their ability, they're always in danger of
being exploited and particularly, by individual narcissists, who might utilize
them as narcissistic supplies.
Maybe more than all else, it's the narcissist's exceptional lack of sympathy
that instigates others regardless of whether self-defensively or in reprisal to
benefit from their guilelessness. As depicted in DSM's seventh model, the
narcissist "needs sympathy: is unable or reluctant to perceive or relate to the
sentiments and requirements of others." And this rule intently joins two
others previously foreshadowed the narcissist's relational exploitativeness and
their egotistical or haughty demeanor. To put it plainly, narcissists frequently
rouse their exploited people with malignancy. After some time those they've
hurt have discovered that the most ideal approach to retaliate for themselves
against the remorselessness of these ace controllers is either to adventure to
the maximum their everlasting should be complimented, sucked up to, or
acclaimed; or prod them into getting so wild furious that they're headed to
state or accomplish something ruinous to their welfare. As respects the last
mentioned, when narcissists are "dominated" by their single, most self-
undermining feeling, that is, their privilege; their judgment is truly impeded,
rendering them absolutely unequipped for thinking about the results of
releasing their wrath.
It's absolutely on the grounds that they're so injurious themselves that, as
Vaknin concisely puts it: "Narcissists pull in misuse." And explaining on this
simple point, he includes:

Haughty, exploitative, requesting, heartless, and unruly; they will, in general,

draw abuse and incite outrage and even disdain. Woefully ailing in relational
abilities, without compassion, and saturated with annoying self-important
dreams; they constantly neglect to relieve the aggravation and revolt that they
incite in others. Maybe a definitive incongruity is that narcissists, as
inhumane as they are in externalizing others, are represented by one
abrogating feeling which comprises the foundation of their different
resistances. Furthermore, that is their practically reflexive annoyance, which
at long last makes them helpless less to others than to themselves.
Exceptionally receptive to the smallest negative evaluation regardless of
whether genuine or envisioned, they could without much of a stretch lose
control of their objective resources. Furthermore, that is the thing that,
conceivably, can make it so natural for others to deal with them. As the
anonymous essayist previously portrayed this vulnerability: "Get a narcissist
foaming at the mouth, and they'll let you know precisely what they're doing,
why, when, how, and to whom. It's superior to getting a Batman reprobate to
monolog.”
At some point or another, the swindler may all around become the deceived.
What's more, those mercilessly manhandled by the narcissist can, at last, get
the equity or vengeance denied to them prior.
 BECOMING RESISTANT
TO NARCISSISM
Our physical resistant frameworks are a marvel. In the event that we look
after them, they are continually battling off ailments and contaminations of
numerous sorts. We are responsible for our invulnerable wellbeing. We
figure out how to eat nourishments that will bolster the insusceptible
framework and evade others that will stifle our incredible guards. Our every
day propensities fortify the resistant framework. The activity that we do all
the time helps our invulnerable frameworks. Endeavoring endeavors to get
quality rest is another wellspring of fortifying this defensive capacity that
improves our physical prosperity. I utilize this guide to clarify that we can
build up an insusceptibility to encourage narcissistic maltreatment.
Obviously, in the event that we don't have an expert commitment to associate
with narcissists, we keep away from them. They are dangerous nearness.
There are developing quantities of narcissists consistently. We discover them
in our mates, kin, and guardians and with our supervisors and colleagues. The
narcissist has no motivating force to change. During this season of
developing acknowledgment of narcissists in our momentum society, we
need to figure out how to manage them. They are not leaving, and they have
no motivation to change. They experience themselves as impeccable and
others as substandard and inadequate.

We assemble mental invulnerability by first understanding and

acknowledging what our identity is. It isn't the whole of our achievements on
the planet. It depends on the quality and uprightness of our character and our
ability to know and look for reality. It is perceived in our endeavors to move
past the convincing narcissistic dream that you can be heartless, pitiless, and
savage, without still, small voice and obliterate others as long as you win. Try
not to be astonished at the quantity of individuals who pursue and are genuine
adherents of narcissists. They hunger for being an individual from the inward
circle regardless of whether they are rarely tossed scraps or are respected to
kiss the ring of the blessed. They have discarded their personalities, tied
themselves to the narcissist for the E-ticket ride. They will effectively be
related to this individual. They accept that the individual in question is a
decent person due to outside trappings and the using of control over others.

The emphasis is on creating and developing as a person who is strong and

solid. Some who have been exploited find that psychotherapy is useful in
building a remedial union with an expert and creating trust, being heard and
comprehended. On the off chance that you go toward this path, do your
research and trust your perceptions and responses to imminent advisors. Keep
in mind you are employing them to assist you with your life. In the event that
you are loudly assaulted by a narcissist who is a relative, an associate, an ex-
companion, figure out how to segregate from their improper, combustible
remarks and reactions. To start with, you don't need to react to such brutality
in any case. A few explanations are capricious to such an extent that they
don't merit commitment; quietness on your part can be brilliant when the
narcissist realizes you would not joke about this. There are times when you
settle on the choice to shield yourself. There are numerous answers to
harmful inquiries and questions and coldblooded explanations. Make your
announcement unmistakable and short. Don't reconnect the narcissist. That is
what he's sitting tight for; to pull you back in. One great reaction to improper
inquiries is: " I don't react to individual questions."

Probably the most ideal approaches to inoculate yourself is to make an inner

space inside that can't be infiltrated by the aggressor. Create propensities and
schedules that you reliably use to calm your body and brain. Ordinary
practice that works for you is one of them. Getting adequate rest and eating
great nourishments reinforce the body, brain, and mind. Following your
inventive track is helpful and enabling. It isolates you further from the
narcissist's arrowed bunch of recriminations, controls, double dealings, and
glaring brutalities. Figure out how to go inside, utilizing a method for stilling
the mind that works for you. It very well may be a type of guided reflection,
reciting, delicate yoga with an accentuation on the breathing, keeping a
private diary, and so on. Build up a little yet dedicated emotionally
supportive network. These are individuals you can depend on when you are
debilitated, exhausted, worn out and when you feel alone. The listening ear of
a steady individual is one of the most dominant types of mental vaccination
you can have.
 CONCLUSION
Thank you for making it through to the end of Narcissists, let’s hope it was
informative and able to provide you with all of the tools you need to achieve
your goals whatever they may be.

The next step is to internalize what you have learned and apply it not only
help yourself recover from narcissistic abuse but to also help other people
who may be stuck with an abusive narcissist. Most importantly, it is
important to continue learning more about narcissists and how to overcome
their emotional, psychological and sometimes physical abuse without losing
yourself. It would be advisable to join online forums where people share their
encounters with narcissistic partners and how they managed to break free and
heal from the abuse they encountered. Such platforms are of great help during
the healing process, especially during days you feel like giving up or when
you feel drawn towards the canning and calculated moves made by the
narcissist with the aim of winning you back. By learning what others went
through, going through their stories and getting genuine support from people
who understand what you are going through are crucial at facilitating faster
healing.

Note that healing from narcissistic abuse is not easy and it requires a lot of
dedication and willingness to break free. Above all, it requires a unique level
of mental toughness and resilience to get yourself together since the narcissist
may have already drained you with the constant nagging and need for
attention. Therefore, it will take time to regain your self-confidence and
esteem. However, if it gets hard for you or you feel like you cannot go
through the healing process on your own, ensure that you seek professional
assistance or help from friends and family. As mentioned in the previous
chapters, you will need to have a reliable support system that can listen to
you and genuinely help you get through the emotional and psychological
healing.
Finally, if you found this book useful in any way, a review on Amazon is
always appreciated!
 EMPATH
A Survival Guide for Sensitive People Who Want
to Protect Themselves from Manipulation,
Narcissists, and Mind Control, Refusing to
Absorb Negative Energy
 INTRODUCTION
Congratulations on purchasing Empath, and thank you for doing so.

The following chapters will discuss how empaths can protect themselves
from mind control, narcissism, and manipulation that is manifested in
different life aspects. Empaths are overly sensitive individuals who are prone
to absorb the feelings of people around them or the people they relate with a
lot. As such, they are vulnerable to manipulation and can easily be taken
advantage of by narcissists, manipulators as well as people who have
perfected the art of mind control. Therefore, it is up to the empaths to
understand their situation and learn how to cope and live with different
people without absorbing their negative energy. Unknowingly, we all have
some sense of empathy, and most people end up developing their capacity to
be fully empathetic and compassionate towards other people. Deeply
empathetic people can easily tap into other people’s thoughts, hopes, and
intentions. Above all, they can use the information they gather to make
intelligent and well-informed decisions about how they can react to what is
about to happen. This explains why empathetic individuals relate well with
most people and are also prone to manipulation from some mean individuals.
In this book, the mean individuals are divided into three categories; the
narcissists, mind controllers, and manipulators, all of whom understand that
empaths are very emotional and can easily fall for their lies, especially when
they are designed to seek empathy.

Unfortunately, due to their overly sensitive nature, empaths are prone to fall
in love with narcissists, manipulators, and mind controllers whose main
agenda is always to use the empaths for their own benefit. They will fight to
hold things together between them until they have gotten what they were
looking to achieve by being with an empath. The following chapters will
define the meaning of being empathy and what a person can do to ensure that
they do not fall for the traps set by narcissists and mind controllers. All the
solutions offered in the book are practical and easy to follow. They are
designed to make sure that every empathetic person benefits in one of the
other by stopping exploitation from their narcissistic, manipulative, and mind
controllers. However, it is important to deal with empathetic sensitivity
professionally. Alternatively, you can join self-help groups, share your story,
and also listen to what other people have gone through in the hands of a
manipulator, narcissist, and mind controller. Somehow, sharing always
makes the burden much easier and less hectic.
There are plenty of books on this subject on the market, thanks again for
choosing this one! Every effort was made to ensure it is full of as much
useful information as possible; please enjoy!
 CHAPTER 1: WHO IS AN
EMPATH, AND WHAT IS
EMPATHY?
It was in the mid-19th century that the German aestheticians introduced the
concept of empathy. They called it “Einfühlung,” which means the emotional
knowledge of art work. Mostly defining the emotions and feelings that
accompanies an art work. A psychologist by the name Theodore Lipps
expanded the meaning of the word by the end of the 19th century. He
explained it as the feeling you have over a different experience. He went
ahead to explain that when we imitate the actions of other people, we will
defiantly show empathy voluntarily. Martin Buber, a philosopher, added to it
and gave a profound concept that described the empathetic relationship as “I
and Thou”versus“me and it.” What Martin meant is that the opposite of
respect for humans is objectification and dehumanization of other people.
Empathy can be defined as the mental and emotional attachment towards
other people’s emotions, needs, and struggles. Understanding and trusting
other people can be achieved by setting a common goal. The goal is to make
sure that people have great connections that will help them in solving their
problems and those of other people. Empaths are people who connect to other
people’s emotions and feelings and are able to resonate with them. Empaths
show compassion and consideration to other people. They are fine-tuned to
the emotions and feelings of the people around them. Most empaths do not
even understand how the ability they have works. They tend to think that they
are just sensitive to other people’s emotions. Empaths have shared
characteristics.
Empaths are very sensitive to deep emotions. Most people are prone to
putting up an image of what they want other people to see while they are
busy hiding their true feelings. An empath is able to scan through the false
emotions and see the real feelings of the person. They have a big heart, and
mostly, they assist the person who is trying to hide their real feelings into
expressing exactly what they feel. Empaths show empathy to human beings
ranging from close members of the family to strangers, animals, plants, and
even non-living organisms. They also show empathy to the planetary system,
mechanical devices, and buildings, among other things. Empaths are not
limited to time and space, which means they are able to feel the emotions of
people and things even if they are at a distance.
Most empaths are poets in action. They possess a high degree of creativity
and imagination, and they are born writers, singers, and artists. That means
that most empaths are found in the community of artists. Empaths are known
to be multi-talented, and they have diverse interests. They have an interest in
cultural diversity, and they are open-minded about people from different
backgrounds and cultures. Empaths cuts across all tribes, races, cultures, and
geographical positioning. They are found anywhere within your family,
neighborhood, place of work, and the community at large. Empaths cut
across all ages, genders, career, and personality in that it is not easy to
associate them within a certain group. The best description for empaths is
listeners of life. They are fond of solving problems, thinking, and study
broadly. They believe in answers to every problem, and they are committed
to searching for solutions to every problem they encounter.
Empaths have the ability to sense other people on different levels. They are
able to observe people when they are speaking, what they feel and think in
order to understand them. They are very skilled at studying people’s body
language and their eye movements. All this ability may not be used to
describe an empath, but these are skills that are developed as a result of
showing interest in studying humanity and how people behave the way they
do. The ability to study someone through observance can be referred to as the
communication package for empathy.
Empathy is an important tool as it defines societal and personal functioning.
It enables people to share experiences, needs, and desires amongst
themselves. It brings about an emotional bridge that supports pro-social
behavior. It requires an intense interplay of neural connections to enable
individuals to perceive other people’s emotions, understand their emotions
and their brain. It enables us to understand why other people perceive things
the way they do, and also differentiate our emotions from other people.
Empaths are very sensitive to media, and it can affect them. Violence or
emotional dramas showing on TV, movies, news, and broadcasts on children,
adults, or animals can send them to tears. Most of the time, they hold tears
back or even get physically ill on seeing such scenes. They never understand
why such cruelty should happen to certain organisms.
Empaths are warm to be around, and people from all walks of life, and even
animals want to be around them. They have real compassion towards both
living and non-living organisms, which is very attractive. People might not
understand that someone is an empath but they are always drawn towards
them. Empaths are attractive even to total strangers. They find it easy to
express their innate feelings to them even though they barely know them. It’s
not easy to explain why people find it easy to trust empaths even with their
deepest secrets even though they do not know they are empaths, but then they
end up having a listening ear and maybe even finding the solution to their
problems or confusion.
There is a tendency of empaths being cautious of the outside feelings rather
than the inside. This makes them forget their own feeling and focus on other
people. They value peace over everything, and they are committed to
ensuring there is peace always.
 TYPES OF EMPATHS
Emotional Empaths
Emotional empaths are people who take other people's shows and fit in them
as if they are their own. They even feel the effect of those emotions as though
they are going through them. They experience these emotionally in their
physical bodies as long as they are around people who are experiencing them.
They may feel sad by just being around people who are sad. It is always
difficult for emotional empaths to differentiate other people’s emotions from
their own. It is something they should learn because it will help them assist
other people in overcoming their emotions without being drained.

Medical Empaths
Medical empaths consciously understand what would affect the other person.
Most of these people end up in medical fields or become healers in other
ways. When physical empathy is treating people, they feel awareness and
may even identify low energy in their patients that need attention. Medical
empaths can pick symptoms from their patients and experience them in their
own bodies.

Geomantic Empaths
Geomantic empaths are excited about certain environments and landscapes.
These people always experience a deep connection with some places varying
from sacred stone, groves, and churches, among other sacred powers. They
can feel various emotions, depending on the history of a certain environment.
Place empaths are closely attached to the natural environment and cannot
stand its damage. They disregard cutting down of trees and destruction of
landscape.
Plant Empaths
People who possess this kind of empathy can tell what a plant needs by just
looking at it. They are gifted enough to know what plant should be placed
where in their garden. Most of these empaths fit well, working in parks,
gardens, or wild landscapes where they can exploit their gifting with plants.
People with the gift for plants have conversations with them and at times
even receive guidance from plants through their mind.

Animal Empaths
Most empaths do have a good and strong relationship with animals. Animal
empaths prefer to spend their lives working around animals. Animal empathy
is a gift. People with this gift can tell what an animal need and even telepath
with the animal.

Clair Cognizant Empaths

These kinds of empaths pick information from other people by just being
around them. It takes them a glance at a person to tell the kind of person they
are. These kinds of people can tell authentic and unauthentic people. They
detect lies since they have a high affinity of detecting people and the
intentions accompanying their words. People who possess this gift
understand other people’s energy and resonate with them easily. They are
able to read other people’s thoughts.

Intellectual Empaths
These people are able to communicate using different terminologies and
languages. They can do this in a short period and within different contexts.
They do not struggle to fit into other people by behaving in certain ways; it
just happens that they fit.
 THE SCIENCE OF
EMPATHY
It was in the mid-19th century that the German aestheticians introduced the
concept of empathy. They called it “Einfühlung,” which means the emotional
knowledge of the artwork. Mostly defining the emotions and feelings that
accompany an artwork. A psychologist by the name Theodore Lipps
expanded the meaning of the word by the end of the 19th century. He
explained it as the feeling you have over a different experience. He went
ahead to explain that when we imitate the actions of other people, we will
defiantly show empathy voluntarily. Martin Buber, a philosopher, added to it
and gave a profound concept that described empathetic relationships as “I and
Thou” versus “me and it.” What Martin meant is that the opposite of respect
for humans is objectification and dehumanization of other people. The goal is
to make sure that people have great connections that will help them in solving
their problems and those of other people.
Empathy is an important tool as it defines societal and personal functioning.
It enables people to share experiences, needs, and desires amongst
themselves. It brings about an emotional bridge that supports pro-social
behavior. It requires an intense interplay of neural connections to enable
individuals to perceive other people’s emotions, understand their emotions
and their brain. It enables us to understand why other people perceive things
the way they do, and also differentiate our emotions from other people.
This is because they don’t feel compassionate care during treatment kills their
motivation to continue with the recommended treatment. This results in poor
health outcomes that end up damaging the reputation of health care providers
from their patients.
Researchers have proven that empathy is an important skill, especially when
dealing with humanity. They argue that this skill can be taught, especially to
health care providers and other professionals who are dealing with human
beings directly during their training. This research contradicts the past belief
that empathy is an inborn character that cannot be taught.
Evidence has shown that good communication skills training for medics help
in improving their relationship with patients. The relationship has translated
into patient satisfaction. Empathic medical care tags along very many
benefits for the patients, including; patients' experience, commitment, and
following their medical recommendations, better clinical outcomes, few or no
medical error and malpractice complains, and retention of a good number of
physicians.
A human being is not created to dominate others but to be compassionate
about other people’s feelings. That’s why the phrase “survival for the fittest”
does not apply to empathy. We are wired in a way that we have the capacity
to reason out with other people and respond to their sufferings. The suffering
we go through as human beings enable us to understand other people’s
feelings and pain. The discomfort we experience as we observe other people
go through pain gives us the drive to respond with compassion.
 AREAS OF LIFE EMPATHY
AFFECTS
Empathy is presented in different life aspects. The high sensitivity that
characterizes empaths makes them more intuitive and open to sense people’s
energies, powerful dreams, and premonitions. However, empaths may not
always be aware that they are portraying empathetic symptoms. Some of the
areas of life that empathy is highly presented include;

Health: it is common for empaths to seek medical attention because they feel
fatigued, downright exhausted, and overwhelmed. They may not understand
that this may not be medical symptoms, and as such, most empaths end up
being diagnosed with agoraphobia, chronic pain, allergies, chronic fatigue,
fibromyalgia, adrenal fatigue, and migraines. Empaths who are too emotional
may end up being diagnosed with panic attacks, depression, or anxiety. The
healing for empaths beings with understanding their condition and learning
practical skills on how to cope with high sensitivity to the emotions brought
out by the people around them.

Addictions: since most empaths feel overwhelmed by their sensitivities and

not being understood by the people around them, it is easy for them to get
addicted to drugs, alcohol, sex, shopping, and food, among other quire
behaviors in an attempt to numb their sensitivity. For instance, it is easy for
some empaths to overeat and become overweight because they unknowingly
use food to ground themselves and their sensitivity. They use extra padding
that is designed to protect them from their negative energy, which sometimes
scares them as well. Fortunately, there are some healthy mechanisms of
coping, as discussed in this book.

Sex, relationships, and love: it is easy for empaths to end up with toxic
partners and end up being depressed, anxious, or ill. This is because they give
their hearts to narcissists and other unavailable people too easily. In addition,
empaths are too loving and expect their partners to reciprocate the same,
which may not always be the case. In the event this fails to happen, empaths
end up absorbing their partners’ negative energy like depression, anger, and
stress by interacting with them and especially during lovemaking, which is
very vulnerable for empaths. To avoid being with narcissists and unloving
partners, empaths should learn how to set precise boundaries with the toxic
people in their lives. This way, they will have healthy relationships with
getting overwhelmed and without absorbing negative energies.

Parenting: empathetic parents get easily exhausted and overwhelmed by the

demanding child-rearing experiences because they absorb the pain and
feelings of their children. On the other hand, empathetic children also get
overwhelmed by own sensitivity to issues and the energy within their
environment. Therefore, it is up to parents to train their empathetic children
on how to set standards and stop absorbing the negative energies around them
to ensure that they thrive in life and nurture their unique gifts.

Work: it is common for empaths to feel drained and overwhelmed by the

“energy vampires” in their workplaces, and worse still, they may not know
how to set boundaries in a bid to protect themselves while at work and ensure
that they are productive. While at work, empaths should master the art of
replenishing themselves and centering their needs and duties in order to have
the privacy they need to work and deliver as expected.
 ADVANTAGES AND
DISADVANTAGES OF
BEING AN EMPATH
Advantages of Being an Empathy
There is pride in having the ability to feel and understand other people’s
feelings. For example, if you are in a meeting and one of your colleagues is
anxious, you are able to tell that before anyone else. Realizing the feelings
and emotions of people will allow you to offer them the necessary support.
Being an empath helps one to be aware and highly cautious of dangerous
situations. These help them to perceive people who are experiencing fear too
and help them overcome it or avoid situations or places that seem dangerous.
An empath is able to relate and associate with other people easily. The
relationship they have with people is somewhat powerful. They are able to
walk in other people’s shoes and feel exactly what the other person might be
feeling.
Empaths easily offer love and compassion to other people. Most likely, one
of the reasons why most relationships do not function is because the parties
involved do not get to a mutual understanding. That makes it easy for an
empath because they don’t seek to be understood, but rather, they understand
others.
Empaths are able to experience the same happiness and pleasure that the
people surrounding them are experiencing. This comes in line with their
ability to tap into other people’s emotions and feelings. They are able to
study the mood and energy in a room or surroundings and tell if it is gloomy
or happy. In any case, the energy is negative; they try as much to make it
positive and make everyone feel in the right place. They are also able to
detect if people who are close to them are honest with what they feel. If they
are trying to hide some of their feelings, they are keen to help them overcome
whatever it is that they are going through just by observing and realizing that
everything is not okay.
Empathy enables people to understand what other people are feeling and
thinking, and this makes them react well when social situations call for. This
helps people in building solid social connections with others. When you
empathize with other people, you get to manage your own emotions. This
helps one to be able to fight when they get overwhelmed by tough emotional
times or situations. Empathy allows people to help each other when going
through difficult times. If you as an empath help other people, it also gives
them an empathy feeling, and they are; likely to help you when in need too.

Disadvantages
Being an empath can be draining both emotionally and psychologically. The
ability to feel the emotions of the people around you when you do not have a
choice of what you feel about the situation can cause pain and confusion.
Being an empath is not easy, especially given certain circumstances. If
someone is going through anger, depression, anxiety, panic, sorrow, or fear,
you are there to experience it with them without a choice of what to feel or to
what extent you get to feel what you are feeling.
Empaths are very sensitive and are, at times, uncomfortable when in noisy
and very busy social environments. When there is a combination of having no
powers over what they feel about other people’s situations and the sensitivity
towards the environment, they are most likely to suffer from panic attacks
and fatigue from the energy surrounding them. They also are likely to avoid
the media because some of the news that is projected is heartfelt tragedy and
destruction that affects how they feel to a great extent.
Empathetic people are easily manipulated emotionally. This is because they
are prone to feel every feeling that people around them are feeling; pain,
misery, sadness, among others. They take peoples suffering as their own.
Obviously, when people around them realize that this is their weakness, they
can use it against them. They sometimes tell exaggerated stories and others
that do not add up, but because of their nature, they are unable to call them
out. It is not easy to reduce empathy or step out of it when people are actually
taking advantage of you, so regardless of the situation, an empath will
experience every feeling.
Empaths have a tendency of loving and caring so much for other people.
They make good friends and lovers too. But due to their high sensitivity, they
tend to be afraid of allowing other people into their lives. They are cautious
when it comes to heart matters and who to love. They find it hard to trust
people in the fear that they might get hurt eventually.
Empaths are prone to attracting negative people, which is one of their
weaknesses. This happens because of their ability and willingness to listen
and understand all people’s opinions and feelings. So people tend to take
advantage of them and most often and thus illustrating why negative people
like having empaths around.
Although empaths are able to hide how they feel from other people
successfully, they tend to have mood swings a lot. Sometimes they get to pick
a lot of negative energy from the surrounding that they end up overwhelmed
and might choose to remain quiet and unsociable.
 CHAPTER 2: A GUIDE TO
EMPATHY FOR EMPATHS
A Guide to Emotions and Why They Manifest
Emotions are responsible for producing a response/ reaction to a stimulus.
Meaning that emotions determine how we react to the different challenges,
life aspects, and people around us. Most people, therefore, are unable to
control these feelings of emotion since they don’t understand them in the first
place. This explains why some people over-react to things or react in the
most unexpected manner.

Emotional stability can be defined as the ability to control one's behavior and
thoughts. Emotional stability is an important aspect of our day to day lives. It
helps us cope and come out from stressful situations or setbacks. Emotionally
stable people can lead a happy and more positive life. Being emotionally
unstable acts as a guide for those people who would want to use you to their
advantage. These people can spot your weaknesses easily and can manipulate
you into doing what they want. It is, therefore, important to make sure that
you are emotionally healthy. Having emotional stability is the first step to
making sure that nobody takes advantage of you. Most people do not know or
find it hard to recover from manipulations. Controlling your emotions is
however one of the steps that can be taken to ensure that you do not go
through the people who would want to manipulate you. Sensitive people look
for ways in which they can protect themselves from manipulators, mind
controllers and narcissists.
 MANIFESTATIONS OF
EMOTIONS IN THE BODY
A study on the manifestations of emotions in the body was done by Finnish
researchers. They did five experiments where they involved 701 participants.
They were given body silhouettes alongside stories, movies, and emotional
words. They were then asked to color the bodily regions which they felt were
changing as they continuingly viewed the dummies. Emotions were
generated as they continued watching movies. On the body of the dummies,
they colored the areas where they felt their sensations growing stronger or
weaker. They used red and yellow for stronger sensations and the color blue
and black for weaker sensations. The exercise was able to produce expected
results that clearly showed areas where most sensations were formed, which
is the brain. An angry person, for example, had lighting all through their toes
and fingers, while most of the other sensations like smiling, skin temperature
changes were seen to all come from the brain. Most people feel their
emotions in different parts of their bodies; for example, some may feel
anxiety in their stomach, the stress in their head, and happiness in their chest.
This study showed that bodily sensations do not come from blood flow or
heat. This was merely a physical exercise and the thrive of spams they
experienced in the body. They concluded that emotional feelings are
centralized and are connected to biological systems. Psychology has viewed
emotions as an event that takes place in the brain. Knowing how emotions are
formed in your body will now prepare you on how to deal with manipulators
or people who want to use you to their advantage. These different emotions
bring about manifestations of emotions.

There are different ways in which people who had been in manipulative
situations can bounce back from the situations. It is hard to change how the
manipulator behaves, but it is easy to change how you behave towards the
manipulators.
Be Aware of What the Manipulator Has in Store for You
Being aware of your emotions and being able to know how you react to
certain situations will widely help you know when someone is trying to
manipulate you. Be able to know when the person is trying to play with your
emotions immediately. Manipulators tend to prey on people who do not seem
to know how to distinguish their feelings. Some people do not know when
they are truly excited about something or are just anxious about it. People
who can differentiate their feelings can get a heads-up when someone is
trying to take them to their advantage. Being in places that you do not feel
comfortable in will also act as a warning to you to avoid that person or place
in particular. Always do a quick reassertion of yourself and get to know why
you feel the way you have that feeling. Emotions tend to roll up when
someone is trying to manipulate you, and they tend to warn you about it. If
you feel uncomfortable around someone, it is good that you end whatever
conversation you had with that persona and leave the place with immediate
effect.

Listen to Your Instincts and Feelings

People say that instincts never lie; therefore, it is the best that you always
follow what your instincts tell you. You need to pay more attention to the
person you are with, and if at all, you feel uncomfortable or insecure. These
are the first signs that you get once they try playing with your mind. Make
sure you are in the right state of mind and if you feel it hard to listen to them,
it’s good to always take a walk and get away from them.

Seek a third opinion

Manipulators are known to always make you doubt yourself and make you
seem as if you are not sure of what you are talking about. Before you go
trusting the other person’s opinion first, it is good to ask yourself why you are
trusting them and why they are telling you. Who do they mean to you, and
what gravity their opinions hold to you? Manipulators can make you take the
punishment for someone else’s mistakes easily if you are not able to note
their intentions as fast as possible. It is good to always seek a third opinion
when you are not sure of yourself, and hear what the third opinion has to say
about the issue. Seeking a third opinion where necessary has proven to be
very helpful to people who find it hard to decide between their own opinion
and the other person’s opinion. With the rapid improvement in people who
are practicing psychology, be sure that it is easy to find someone who can
lead you on the right path. A third party can easily tell when someone wants
to take advantage of you by placing themselves in your situation. They do not
need to face the manipulator to know when they are trying to manipulate you.
Having the knowledge that you can always seek a third opinion somewhere
will give you confidence and knowledge each time you go them for advice.
You are required to however be careful with whomever you choose to be
your third party person, as they can also be influenced by the manipulator.
Look for someone who can know their feelings and emotions and know how
to control them. You can pick a professional psychologist to be your third
opinion person, who is well trained, and its hard playing with their emotions.
This will help you stay out of trouble most times.

RedifineYour Relationship
Analyze the relationship you have with the person you feel is manipulating
you and also the consequences it will bring between you and the other
person. These people have the power to easily cause harm to you, and
therefore, it is advised that you are careful when dealing with them. Most
manipulators do it for their self-pleasure; it makes them feel happy and
satisfied while others do it to just make your life a living hell. This way, it is
good to rethink while weighing the matter at hand and maybe opt to talk to
friends concerning the issue.

Evaluate Yourself
This step begins by stopping yourself from responding to the manipulator's
techniques. Learn to say no whatever the person wants. Speak your mind to
them and what you feel about what they make you do. This will help a lot and
will shed some light on the person that you have already started to realize
yourself, and you cannot take manipulation anymore.

Confront Them
Before confronting them, it is good that you consider all angles of the
confrontations and how it is going to work out after you have confronted
them. Most people do not like being confronted, and May, at times, turns out
violent and abusive. Manipulators don't just admit to their mistakes, most of
them even turntable to make you, the victim, look bad in front of others. Be
clear and specific on what you want them to understand and tell them how
exactly you feel about their actions towards you. Keep your cool when they
start denying or make you feel guilty or bad. Stick to your grounds and make
them understand that what they are doing is wrong.

Empaths are known for their miraculous energy and their

straightforwardness. However, are highly sensitive to things around them,
and they need to know how to survive in harsh conditions. Some people refer
to empath as children since they have to be taught everything. They need to
be taught to gain self-realization. They can sense the slightest provocations
and also notice the tiniest and smallest changes in the environment. They can
sense, for example, when someone is about to trip. They can notice when
someone is lying or when something is feeling off. For this reason, they
should be taught how to deal with and control their emotions. Empaths at
most times see themselves more right than wrong. They are mostly targets for
people who tend to mislead other people into doing what they want. Their
immense power can act as a breeding ground for people who want to take
advantage of them since empaths do not know how to use this power.

How to Secure Yourself

Empaths who have been enlightened and are now comfortable with who they
are, now form boundaries that they feel they are comfortable with. Most
individuals that are in long-lasting or the most romantic and close partners
don not set boundaries between them and, therefore, do not know when they
have crossed the line. This why some partners think they are being taken
advantage of. Allowing somebody to cross your boundaries just like that and
not doing anything about it shows the other partner that what they are doing
is wrong. They then come to learn that they can do anything to you, and there
will be no consequences whatsoever. These people are encouraged when you
keep forgiving them over and over again. They feel like they can just commit
a mistake, come back, say sorry, they are forgiven and that's where it all goes
wrong. They use this repulsiveness as their mode of abuse which tends to get
worse over time. Forgiveness is not always the best solution in all situations;
some may be trying to manipulate you (Christine De Canonville). It is good
to note that we all require boundaries and that not having them will keep on
attracting narcists and manipulators. Empaths would have a very easy life if
they learned to put boundaries in their relationships with everyone so that
they don’t feel trampled upon each time people cross your paths. It is okay to
let go is someone does not feel sorry for their actions. This will teach them
that it’s equally wrong to just mess up someone and leave.
 DEVELOPING
EMOTIONAL AND SOCIAL
INTELLIGENCE
Emotional intelligence is defined as the ability to identify and control your
emotions as well as other people's emotions. Emotionally intelligent people
can identify what they are feeling, understand other people's emotions,
control your own emotions, understand the impact your emotions create to
others. Some people are naturally born intelligent, but it is required that it is
practiced as a skill for it to develop. Emotional intelligence will help you
adapt morally upright behaviors and make your mind stick to the behaviors.
Social and emotional intelligence are constituted of four components that is
the self-awareness, which is the knowledge of your internal states and
preferences, self-management, which is the ability to manage one's internal
impulses and resources, social awareness, the awareness of other people’s
feelings and their concerns and social skills, the ability to create favorable
responses to others (The Goleman Model). Other models have risen, such as
Mayer et al. Model. This theory was then formed by John D. Mayer, Peter
Salovey, and David R. Caruso in the early 1990s. They defined emotional
intelligence as the ability to perceive, access and generate emotions to help in
thoughts, understanding, and regulation of emotions to improve emotional
intelligence and intellectual growth. The Salovey model consisted of for
interconnected branches that add up to emotional intelligence, that is,
perception. This is how you perceive emotions in yourself and your
environment, facilitation, the ability to interpret the world evolutions in
different ways, understanding, this is knowledge of emotions and the impact
they create and management or regulation, this is the ability to control your
emotions as well as those of the people around you. This concept shows that
a certain level of emotional intelligence should be reached to be able to have
these abilities, in particular, the regulation one. Possessing these skills will
help you in your day to day life. Empaths are advised to learn these skills to
ensure that they can run their day to day life. This reduces the chances of
manipulators to target them for their ill motives. Empaths are highly
sensitive people that have a keen ability to identify and sense what the other
people around them are thinking and feeling. They go to the extent of taking
other people's pain at their own expense. Some people view being an empath
as having supernatural powers or people who are spiritually strong in faith.
Being an empath has a lot both the pros and cons of being one. The benefits
are that empaths are known to be outstanding friends. They are also known to
be superb listeners and are always there for the needs of their friends. They
are highly intuitive and generous. However, empaths tend to hurt themselves
in the process of helping and caring for others. The feeling of having to know
and at times, experience what your friend might be going through an at times
be tiring and draining. This can bring about a mixture of emotions such as
anxiety and anger. They find it difficult to set boundaries and say no to their
friends or parties involved even when they feel that too much is being asked
of them. A study that was conducted in 2017 showed that most empaths are
interconnected to social anxiety. Empaths at a time can be harmful to
themselves and they like to have a time of their own to have time to recharge
themselves which cannot be done surrounded by people.
An empath can find stability in their lives through the following ways:
Allow Time for Yourself and Time to Emotionally Unwind
Helping people and making other people's pain as yours can really be tiring,
and hence, one needs some time for themselves. Take a break, breathe in, and
stretch. This will help reduce the excessive stimulation from the non-stop
work and thinking.

Practice Guerilla Meditation

This practice is highly recommended for empaths. It should be done before
going to a crowd or to an event where there would be a loud noise and
crowded. Meditate and connect with your inner spirit. This is done by
centering yourself and concentrating on your inner peace. Forgetting all the
things around you. This can comfortably be done anywhere, maybe in an
empty room or bathroom. This process takes up to five minutes of connecting
with your inner self. This helps to fight away the emotional overload and
helps you to center your energy so that you don’t end up taking it on others.
Honor and Respect Your Empathy
Learn that it is okay to tell someone no when you feel too much pressured or
if you feel too much is being asked from you. Set a time limit for socializing
with others and make sure to follow it strictly. For example, you can make it
three hours for socializing with the people you love, and from there, it’s your
own time to recollect yourself. It is also advised that you eat a meal that is
high in protein before the overload hits you. These steps can help you honor
your empathy and know that no matter what, you always have to have time
for yourself no matter what.

There are different ways in which an empath can be able to develop

emotional and social intelligence for the betterment of their life. This will
help them get away from those people who would want to take advantage of
them.

Exploit a More Confident Way of Communication

Confident communication skills go a long way to help one earn respect
without being too passive or aggressive. Emotionally intelligent people can
communicate their opinions and views as they respect the opinion of others
as well. Empaths that learn this art of communication will be more confident
around people when making conversations. They will be able to understand
that other people also have opinions and views of their own.

Respond Instead of Reacting to Conflict

It is common during conflicts that there are outbursts of emotions and
feelings. Emotionally intelligent people can stay calm and solve conflicts
peacefully. They think before making decisions. They weigh the matter and
the repercussions of their decisions before they even try solving the conflict.
They ensure that both [parties are contented with the decisions made.
Empaths who are not emotionally and socially intelligent will have hard time-
solving conflicts. Taking time to think about the right way to respond to
situations will help empaths gain more emotional and social intelligence.

Employ Active Listening Skills

Learning to listen to what other people have to say and not cutting into other
people as they speak shows a very high level of emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence people make sure to listen to what others have to say
first before they respond. Empaths can use this means to increase their level s
of emotional intelligence as they converse with other people. Jumping into
other people’s conversations bring about misunderstandings and conflicts.
This also teaches an empath to learn the nonverbal part of the talk. With this,
you can digest what is being said, and you can respond accordingly.

Be Motivated
Emotional and social intelligence helps one to be self-motivated in what they
are doing. This goes a long way to motivate the other people around you to
motivate other people. Empaths can use this to set goals for themselves, goals
that are favorable to them. This will also have a motivating effect on other
people to do the same. People are always proud of emotionally intelligent
people.

Maintain a Positive Attitude

A negative attitude can easily be passed to other people, even against your
will. It is said that the power of someone’s attitude should not be
underestimated. Emotionally intelligent people are always aware of their
moods and of those that are around them. Empaths, therefore, need to learn
on ways on how to maintain a positive attitude, always like engaging in
prayer or lunch with fellow workmates.

Practice Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is the act of being clear about your emotions and the emotions
of people that surround you. Being emotionally intelligent requires you to be
self-aware and intuitive about your feelings and other people’s feelings and
how affected they are. They are aware of other people's emotions and how
affected they are. Empaths need to be extra careful here and be able to
identify true and fake emotions that may have been created by others. They
can pick other people's emotions. The emotions and body language learned
from others can be used to enhance their communication skills.

Learn How to Positively Take Critiques

Being able to take critics positively greatly increases your emotional
intelligence. People with high emotional intelligence can stay calm and not
offended when facing critics. They take time to understand where the critics
are coming from and get to a conclusion on how to deal with the critics.
Empaths can train this skill to ensure that they can understand how the
particular critic is affecting them and the people surrounding them.
Being Approachable and Sociable
Emotional intelligent people are easily approachable. They easily socialize
with other people. They appear to be cheerful, and they use the right
socialization skills and ensure that they do not offend anyone around them.
Empaths who pick up this trait have great interpersonal skills and know-how
to communicate with clarity, whether verbally or non-verbally.

Gain Leadership Skills

Empaths who have great leadership skills have to be seen to be some of the
best leaders that there is. Learning emotional development helps them a lot to
gain these skills and use them to attain their best goals in society. With such
leadership skills, everybody will be afraid to take advantage of you. This
brings a higher level of performance in one life.

Empathy
Although empaths have been known to be great empathizers with others, this
can tend to be a bit harmful to them if they are not careful can cause great
harm to themselves. They, therefore, need to master the art of emotional
intelligence to help them emphasize with other people in needy situations.
Empathy helps them open a gateway for mutual respect and understanding
between people of different opinions in situations. They can help other
people in their times of need.
The above skills would come in handy to psychically develop the emotional
and social intelligence to empaths. With this kind of intelligence,
manipulators, narcissists, and mind controllers will not be able to exploit the
empath's weaknesses for their benefits and pleasure. Through the
development of emotional and social intelligence, an empath can recognize
their own emotions and can separate them from another person's emotions.
This helps the empath to be in a better position to be empathetic to others
without having to strain themselves too much. They are also able to
distinguish between people who are with them for benefits and those that are
truly their friends. They are also able to control their empathetic side and
make sure that they don't overdo it so much. Emotional intelligence for
empaths enables them to lower their walls and learn to be less judgmental,
attached, or even resistive as they sort to be enlightened about the capabilities
in life. Most people find learning or developing their emotional and social
intelligence to be a lot of work but most of them can understand that it is only
done for the best. However, developing one's emotional intelligence takes a
lot of hard work and sacrifice to enable you to climb up the ladder of success.
Taking time to review and work on the above-mentioned steps will help you
become the best of yourself and also brighten the bright side of being an
empath. It will also help you stay out of trouble. Empaths being known for
their supernatural feelings and emotions are considered the best before others.
That is why developing and empowering them has been taken as an initiative
to ensure that they feel more at ease and that no one can take advantage of
their emotions and feelings.
 DEVELOPMENTAL
PERSPECTIVES ON
EMPATHY
Empathy is commonly defined as the ability to understand other people’s
feelings and thoughts, feelings, and emotions from their point of view.
Empathy is about a heaping side of somebody who is not forced. It just brings
itself out. Empathetic people are known to be compassionate and very
sociable. Empathy can be natural within some people, or it can be learned and
trained as a skill. This has brought about a new level of study in empathy that
students are taught how to be empathetic as well as how to control their
empathy. This has become a practice that a lot of people want to practice and
be knowledgeable about. This field has had an increasingly high rate of
students that want to learn to be able to help others as well as themselves
also. This has brought about a lot of theories explaining why people tend to
become empathetic towards other people’s feelings as well as theirs. In recent
years, neuroscientists have believed that empathetic situations are brought
about by mirror neurons that can enhance somebody’s ability to mimic,
display, and read other people’s emotions. This is referred to as somatic
empathy. This is done by learning or understanding the body language or the
facial expression somebody makes. Most empaths have selfless compassion
for others and can do anything to help them out of their situation. However,
being empathetic can sometimes drain someone to the point of getting that
they too also have their own life to take care of. They are unable to make
sound decisions when they are in this state. They ignore the possible
consequences that may follow as a result of being too much empathetic. This
situation is best known to be used by manipulators and mind controllers in
taking advantage of somebody. Some people are too much into helping others
that they don’t know when to stop or when they are being misused.

Various perspectives on empathy have come about as research continues on

the effect that empaths have in the community. People, however, have
different perspectives on issues concerning empathy, depending on their
behaviors and capability to help people. At first, people in society thought
that being an empath was a way of helping others, while other people thought
that empaths had supernatural powers that were naturally given. Most people
in the society viewed them as a tool for misuse or of being taken advantage of
due to their submissive and helpful nature. Most people in society tend to
manipulate empaths into doing what they wish. They see them as a transport
mode of fulfilling their dreams and desires. However, in societies, empaths
are known to be people of great importance, and therefore, these people are
more likely to function more in the society and are likely to create bigger
circles for themselves and more healthy relationships. The emotional
perception of empathy results in emotional empathy; this is inductions of
emotions to the observer which enables them to share an emotional state with
others. The cognitive perspective enables us to view and understand other
people’s experiences, intentions, and needs.
Researchers over the years have made efforts to prove and explain the
automatic mode of our perception of other people’s emotional states. The
mirror neuron system has been seen to have evolved as well from the
monkeys. This is because monkeys also tend to have empathetic behavior
towards other monkeys or human beings. Two classes of visuomotor neurons
were found in the monkeys. These are the mirror neurons, like in the humans
and also the canonical neurons, which response to how an object is presented.
The neurobiological study shows that there are two modes of processing
information that is bottom-up and top-down. These two modes help a lot
during the mirroring process of emotions. It is the same areas in the brain
where we have. We have activation of emotions as you witness other people's
emotional states. This brings out the cognitive perspective for human beings.
This makes sharing emotions with others an important aspect of the lives of
empaths. The feeling of trying to understand other people's feelings and
emotions is a vital factor in the cognitive perspective in that you can
empathize. Trying to understand other people's feelings tends to inhibited by
top-down circuits that mainly involve the frontal areas of the brain. The
empathetic response is affected by various factors, for example, when the
person having the pain is a close friend or a person close to your heart. It is
said that women have greater exposure to empathy or are more empathetic
than men. Women are often sympathetic to people regardless of whether they
like them or not. On the other hand, empathy on men depends on fairness and
how they look up to you. The more important you are to a man, the more
empathetic they will be to you. The MNS theory comes in handy and helps
one to understand the cognitive per6spective on empathy. However, empathy
is interconnected between social, emotional, and cognitive processes.

Being empathetic and having the ability to help other people willingly would
be the best feeling a person could have, but however, these people are more
prone to finding themselves in manipulative situations. Therefore, it is good
that empathetic people or those that have the passion for being empathetic,
need to be extra careful in their endeavors to help others. Most people tend to
manipulate and use them to their advantage. A lot of knowledge is required to
help be an empath. Be knowledgeable of the processes that go through your
body and the developmental processes that go with is. Without this
informative knowledge, empaths are likely to find themselves in more
compromising situations or even worse situations in the name of helping.
Students are more likely to benefit from the learning of developmental stages
of empathy and how it affects them. Learning practices like being mindful,
self-awareness would help a lot in controlling your cognitive processes.
 CHAPTER 3: THRIVING AS
AN EMPATH
Skills to Suppress
Characteristically, empaths are unique sensitive people who tend to react
differently to every event in their life. The kind of feelings can naturally be
linked to their sensory information processing nerve system of the brain they
pose, which tends to internalize information deeply in an intense manner.
They tend to be incredibly engrossed with the energy around them, making
the individual super active with a great sense of awareness. In most cases, the
empaths are extremely compassionate, physically, and emotionally reactive to
things around them, understanding and loving to people around them to the
extent that they forget themselves. They have a strong desire to help others in
any situation thus making them more vulnerable to odd deeds from others.

Having a gift of empathy can be good, and in other cases, it can be

challenging since many people are prone to use you in the process. Therefore,
knowing how to suppress the feelings and controlling on how to handle
events is much important to an empath person. The need to go below the
surface and have a wider view of how you control your feelings, how to
handle situations and the greater desire of the soul realistically condoned to
can be great. One should not become a victim to other people’s feelings,
misery, and emotional disturbance thus forgetting themselves while trying to
solve other people’s problems.
To suppress the temptation of becoming a victim of empathy, one needs to
put themselves first in the situation. It usually goes against the odds for
someone with great empathy and is prone to empathize with people in every
situation. Ensuring that your basic needs are taken care of before considering
others is a great step towards concurring the vice of the feelings of empathy,
which tend to render the empathizer emotionally drained, physically stressed,
and mentally disturbed due to other people’s problems attention. However,
by doing taking care of oneself help an individual to focus on his own life,
and he or she will have scarce attention to help others, thus limiting the drain
and stress level that other people’s problems may cause. It is much important
to remember that one person cannot solve everyone's problems. Knowing the
limit and the capacity in which to act is crucial for an empathic person, thus
making them enjoy life too. How will you feel if you cannot enjoy life due to
other people’s problems? It is not mandatory to help in every situation, and it
is not your obligation to be that caring uncle or aunt all the time, sometimes it
is wise to let things be the way they are and sit back and watch the unfolding
events before your eyes.

It is making sure that every minute or time of the day, your cup is filled,
leaving no chance for more disturbances from the external forces. There are
greater chances that if your cup is not filled, it will overflow with other
people’s needs and problems that need your attention all the time. In order to
suppress such feelings and suppress empathy feelings, one needs to discover
other best versions of discovering themselves, which enables them to
discover the underlying potential and capabilities. Therefore, the need to tend
a daily yoga session is necessary, and it helps one to discover themselves in
the process of releasing mental energy that may encompass their judgment.
One has to meditate in the favorite sport daily, thus making them feel better
and have an awareness of the surrounding. Meditation helps one to gain more
mental energy of dealing with the prevailing life issues that may disturb the
daily living standard. Moreover, one can take an art class that enhances the
creativity of the mind, thus helping them to actualize other potentials. It will
also destruct one from diverging much on other people's needs, thus creating
an avenue of concentrating on their issues.
Setting boundaries can be another unique way of suppressing empathetic
feelings and encountering the misuse phenomenon. Basically, the society of
today is filled with contradicting feelings and needs of people who tend to
seek help from others. Naturally, no human is perfect, and to some extent, the
need to seek help from others is inevitable; it just comes naturally. However,
the empathizers are always drained, and they cannot attend to everyone's
needs and expectations at the same time. They are prone to be limited, and to
avoid much stress, they have to set boundaries. Though there are feelings that
may exist inside the heart and head, limiting these feelings is crucial, and
people should accept that you are just a human-like them and should not take
advantage of the feelings you have for them.

In most cases, people will tend to use you in most difficult situations of their
life, making you be inboard in processes of divorce, lawsuit, layoff, or loss.
The best possible solution to such misuse is to set limited time for
destruction, which will bar them from interference, thus making them seek an
alternative from elsewhere. It is not necessarily done out of love, but to
provide the best way of providing the support the best way you can commit
without being forced or dragged into the situation you are not willing to delve
into or the events you do not want to participate. If, in any case, you become
exhausted in one event, the chances of rendering the same empathy to
someone else who is in dire need of the same will be much impossible.

Subsequently, one needs to be aware of the information they are can consume
and the reaction. The world is filled with strange events, and the chances of
being happy and sad are uniformly distributed across the graph. To avoid
roller-coaster riding of emotions, one needs to limit much time on social
media, news sites, and any other internet sites which tend to create
disturbance to mind making one not to concentrate one other life events
which may tend to be crucial. The celebration comes out of excitement; one
can only celebrate when they are happy about the unfolding events.
Therefore, when one celebrates, there is a need to let go of the bad omen in
their lives. As an empath, sometimes you are engrossed in feelings of
insecurity for others, emotional torture on how others are being treated, and
the need to help these people. It is good to let time elapse without such
feelings and enjoy the success of people around you, make Mary on their
wedding day, job promotions, or when a new baby is born. On the contrary, it
may feel hopeless when you are empathizing with someone who has just lost
the loved one, getting a negative diagnosis, and even breaking up with a
partner.

One should not remain stagnant after such emotional turmoil in life; the need
to accept and move on is evitable and should be welcomed at all levels. The
need to find a practice or an exercise that enables one to release those
negative can aid the stabilization of the negative thoughts into positive ones
and help one to feel good again at the end of it all. Finding the best partner
that can help you offload the emotional junk can improve the situation so fast
and help one to move on with life as usual. Factually, the empathic people
tend to hold many emotions inside their hearts, and they take the situation so
serious that they do not remember that they were sharing in the burden of
others. The way they take them personally can even cause more pain to them,
which in the long run, affect the general function of their brain or well-being.

Furthermore, people who are always good at empathizing with others usually
tend to neglect their own emotional needs. They normally take the heartache
and joy of others, making them theirs, which makes them numb inner stirring.
One should aim at altering the cycle and start processing the emotions with
others in life. The narcissist will tend to explore every opportunity to make
good use of the empaths, and they tend to take advantage of their caring
nature to use them for own benefit. No one is indeed an island, but helping
others should also have a limit on what extent to commit towards others'
feelings, thus making them feel good. Emotional support should not be
entirely posed on one person; there is a need to spread it across, thus sharing
the burden with others. However, people need companionship, support, and
guidance, but all should not be shouldered on you just because you are
empathetic or due to some other reasons. To relieve oneself from such a
burden, one needs to set up a weekly coffee date and share it with some of the
trusted friends over the issue. By doing so, the chances of unburdening
himself from emotional turmoil are heightened. On the other hand, one can
bonder over the emotional turmoil with a spouse before going to bed, thus
making them relieved after sharing on the issue. Also, one can sort some
advice from the therapist once a month to keep up with the normal life
situations without stretching too much on the prevailing needs from the prey
within the cycle.
 THE PROTECTION
STRATEGY
As an empath, some life situations tend to pose more challenges to how some
events are handled, and the empaths become the emotional sponges for the
narcissists and psychopaths. Sometimes it can be exhausting, and the need for
strategic ways to get rid of such dependency is welcomed to outdo the prey
stings on them. These strategies can be practiced over time and be made part
of daily living to make life a better place for everyone, thus delivering the
empaths from exploitation and over-dependence, which is very unrealistic.
Selecting the best strategy that suit you may be appropriate since all of them
may not work for everyone due to personality and emotional intelligence
difference. One can pick one to express their desired outcome which highly
depends on the way they are supposed to act or operate when faced with
other people’s problems or emotional distress of the loved ones.

Foremost, one needs to ask himself or herself if the emotions are theirs or the
other people’s burden. The need for a tip-off from absorbing other people’s
burden worries and problems when there is a sudden change in moods,
physical state, and the general well-being of a person. In most cases, the
feeling of discomfort, depressed and anxious come when one is overwhelmed
by other people’s burden and one need to identify the individuals who cause
such feelings in order to be free again after eliminating them though
sometimes it is too hard to do so. Partial isolation from such toxic people can
ease the intensity of the burden.

Sometimes moving away from these people can bring relief, though; in other
instances, the emotional turmoil may not originate from them; thus, creating
an avenue for self-reflection is important. The reflection may create
awareness, which helps one to realize various perspectives of the situation
where one can depict the correct cause and devise a way of eliminating the
emotional burden. The feelings may tend to be catchy, and they may
originate from different sources, thus making them more unbearable to the
victim. The empaths tend to absorb the more emotional burden of other
people making them more vulnerable and unpredictable on the impact such
events may pose on them. One needs to work on his or her feelings before
absorbing other people’s problems, thus making them more alert and heal
faster than expected. It is very common to see people healing from certain
feelings, and as they begin to settle down, another one strikes, and the cycle
continues.

Breathing strategy tends to work for most empaths. In the case of the
negativity strikes, one should focus on the breathing rate for a few minutes,
thus relieving the energy that crowds the mind, which may pose more
challenges to the individual. By slowly and deeply taking inhale and exhale
rhythmically, it expels the negative and uncomfortable situations. According
to psychology researchers, holding a breath for a few minutes and maintain it
shallowly keeps the negativity within. A great mantra sound of return to the
sender can make one feel comfortable.

Shielding visualization can be the best way for empaths to protect themselves
from the toxic crowd. Since these people are very sensitive, the need for
protection is crucial in their life to allow them to grow as complete
individuals in society. When they are blocked out from toxic energy, they can
visualize themselves in a conducive and welcoming positivity atmosphere.
Moreover, there will be a free flow of positivity, which will enrich their lives,
making them feel good about themselves and far away from destruction.
These people should put a shield whenever they feel uncomfortable about the
situation, place, or with a person to allow them to have a private environment
devoid of other people's interference. It is believed that the visualized shield
put by the mind actualizes the situation, and one can view himself as being
shielded from all the negativity, toxic, stressful, or intrusive circumstances.
Within the centered shielded boundaries, one tends to feel happy and
energized to carry on with life without being intruded by any other negative
situation, which may divert their attention. Out of all the negativity and
intrusions, one can still feel the positive energy inflow and also feel good
about their decision and the atmosphere they have created for themselves.
How will you feel if you are the empath who has just been relieved from all
those stress? It is like being released from prison. That feeling of rejoining
your family, the feeling of being free to carry on with the kind of life you
have always been longing for while you were still a captive. Just imagine
how you will be able to enjoy that cool breeze at the coastal plain without
destruction from the toxic people, be it the employer or the workmate.

Empaths also need to express their relationship needs, and it is not that they
get too concerned about other people’s relationship needs all the time and
forgetting that they are also human beings with feelings and human
interaction. By expressing their relationship needs, they will be able to set up
a boundary that limits others from intruding with their affairs, thus creating
private time with their partners. Who does not desire such intimate time with
their partners far from the destruction with the community problems which
usually unfolds every day? One can still have full control over the
relationship with the partner, and in case something is not right, and you feel
like you are suffering trying to balance the relationship with other issues, it is
advisable to seek help. The empath can get advice from the partner on how to
shield him or herself from the interference caused by the outsiders, thus
strengthening the relationship. One should not suffer in silence in such
situations; he or she should find a voice to elevate him from the sophisticated
situation posed on him by the outside forces, which does not benefit them.
You may be wondering how mean you may be or how selfish is the idea, but
in the long run, it is the best one can afford to do.

In most cases, an empath tends to get exhausted and tired in the relationship,
and they may end up losing such a loving partner due to dormancy and
ignorance of the situation they are putting them through. How does it feel to
be right and wrong at the same time? They are trying to please the external
forces while destroying what you already got within reach — giving much
attention to strangers, workmates, and friends and ignoring the family. The
partner may not be a mind reader, and he or she may not understand what you
are going through if you do not speak it out for yourself or if you do not talk
about it.

What should set the priorities right and know what he or she needs in the
relationship, whether it is time alone sometimes or spending time together or
find a quiet place far from the external interference while pondering about
how to handle the life issues and implications. The priority matters a lot,
whether it is the playtime or sex or full-time dancing with friends; it must be
defined and treated as the right decision to be implemented. Always let the
intuition and the true feelings flow without judgment; one should not be
afraid to uncover his or her true feelings because of shame or any other
reasons. It is you and let people accept you the way you are and not the way
they portray you to be in the face of the world. This is very important and
should be handled with care, treated like the most treasured gift of life.
Having true expression can determine a lot in life, and it should be uncovered
every time.

Prevent empathy overload from releasing negative energy from the system.
By doing this, one realizes his full potential, what he can do, and how to do
it. Nature inspires one, and balancing the lone time with that of the
relationship is very important. It helps a person to create a balancing lifestyle
devoid of overload stress imposed on a person. It is advisable not to plan too
many things to be undertaken once within a short span. Though planning is
very important, planning too many things also tend to be dangerous and
should be discouraged by all means. It makes one be overloaded and obliged
to unnecessary issues.
Moreover, creating that lone time is the key to sanity, where one can plan
appropriately and get things done without much pressure or interference from
the external forces. Sadly, most of the empaths do not know how to use the
word no, and in most cases, they end up being used by other people. Setting a
clear limit and practicing self-compassion can help the empath to get rid of
the toxic people. Nourishing new relationships and avoiding beating
themselves for the problems they cannot solve. After all, it is not your
responsibility to solve every problem. Sit back and relax, enjoy what you
have with your family and let others sort their problems.
 STRATEGIES TO COMBAT
TOXIC ENERGY
You cannot change your nature if you are an empath. Naturally, you were
made that way, and there is nothing that can be altered, but the level of
excessing empathy can be regulated. The spiritual gift cannot be turned off
completely, and one can only change how it is being perceived in the world.
Being aware of the gift is the beginning of the change process, and with time
one can prosper well in that field. For self-transformation and manifestation,
one needs to utilize different perspective of the spiritual gift to reach people
but not to be used by other people.
One can initiate a cord-cutting strategy. Importantly, empaths should cut the
cords in a very skillful manner that no one is hurt in the process. Since the
empaths are good in relationships, and most people genuinely depend on
them, they attract more love and adoration from people, and taking that
energy away once may hurt many people. Have you ever wondered why such
relationships are hard to cut? It is like losing the loved one, and if not treated
well, one may end up being depressed so much that they cannot carry on with
life. These people allow such energy to overflow their environment without
knowing the impact. When cutting the cord, an empath must consider the
impact carefully and design a way in which he or she can carry on without
being attached to anything. The past and present connections may tend to be
more concrete and cutting such cord may force an empath to first eliminate
the past connections before focusing on how to eliminate the current
connections. By doing so, he or she may be able to protect oneself and gain
more confidence among people in the current situation. This issue normally
takes time, and patience is required for one to eliminate such feelings. At the
same time, it unburdens the person from carrying too much burden which is
undesirable and cannot be eliminated once.

This process may not be easy for many people, and thinking of that one
person you have a relationship with vanishing, and you cannot talk anymore
can be heartbreaking. Nevertheless, you can bless the person and release him
or her to the world without strings attached. It may be difficult and rude, but
in the end, you will realize the positive impact it has on your life. There are
many techniques on how to cut cords, but when you decide to use a
complicated method, that is how the process will tend to be more
complicated, and in the end, one may not succeed at it. For instance, before
going to bed every night, one should ask himself if he or she has any cord
attached to people he met during the day. In case you get anything, release
them, and bless them for such intentional relationship which you do not
intend to involve in, and in such manner, the cord will be broken.

One should have a regular check if the cord has been released back to the
sender by confirming the nature of the current relationship, how it affects you
and how it can be ended uniquely without hurting someone’s feelings. In case
the feelings persist, it is advisable to seek professional intervention in that
situation. Ever wonder why it is too hard to break such cords in the first
place, and maybe when given more time, it becomes easier to get rid of it.
Time is the healer, and no matter how hard the circumstance may seem, one
can still prevail over it in the long run.

Clearing aura from the negative thoughts, humans are social beings, and we
constantly interact with each other, where the mental body interchange
information from one perspective to another. So one should always eliminate
negative thoughts and feelings that can be transmitted from other people. In
most cases, these thoughts are much different, and they may not be in line
with your thoughts, which makes it much difficult to integrate it to match
your view of life. Such thought should not be tolerated, and they should be
eliminated as they come. For instance, negative thoughts tend to implicate
your viewpoint of how things work, how situations are handled, and how the
empaths create a more favorable way to make things right. In a time when the
thoughts are positive, people usually align that positive vibration with healing
feelings that come with it, and the work tends to harmonize the resistance and
blockage in the system. The negative thoughts can be fed for centuries, and
one can get rid of the bad feelings when there is a need for it to do so.
Factually, the more energy one gives, the more they acquire in return, and
their influence becomes intense. Therefore, one should not give a chance to
people to influence their way of thinking or their perception of life in general.
If you do so, it means that you render yourself at their service, and they will
use their power to manipulate, use and abuse you beyond repair. I have been
wondering why good people are used by bad people and how they do not
realize how they are being manipulated and influence with such abnormal
forces, which does not mean well for them.
The thoughts created out of grief, fear, blames, and anger usually gets
attached to such negative experience, which later impacts how they think,
how they react to a prevailing circumstance in life. One should be bold and
confident on what to expect out of life, how to handle themselves, and the
pressure they are not to subject to in order to be safe. In most instances,
people get affected by what people think of them and how they are perceived
in society, which is not fair at all. Creating an impact is crucial, and one
should aim at getting the best out of life without considering the negative life
events. For a very long time, I have been wondering why I should regard
other people’s opinions on what I do to be right? Am I doing it for them or
am I sailing with them in the same boat? Getting fine things in life is prudent
and wonderful, but how do we obtain such things without misusing others,
how do can we succeed without hurting other people’s feelings. If by any
chance, people could be thinking in the same perspective, the world could
have been a better place for all people. Unfortunately, people do not sail in
the same sea of thinking, and most of the people create an unconducive
environment for others in order to succeed. One may say that it is unfair
because it is not fair at all when all the underlying factors are considered. It is
like placing the cart before the horse, and the horse is too loyal to deny the
temptation and the implications.

In case you attract situations, you do not like, it is high time to eliminate such
vibrations and adopt another way of doing things. Some friends need to be
dropped since they do not add value but draining you instead. Sit yourself
down and ask yourself if you are really in control of your mind, body, and
emotions, or someone is manipulating you to be the way you are today. Are
you the transmitter, amplificatory of own energy, or someone is doing it for
you. One thing I know for sure that you are a very sensitive person, and you
could realize all these without guidance, but what have you done to change
the situation in case you are affected.

Chakras balancing tend to be another crucial strategy that should be

employed by the empaths. The daily practice should be exercised by the
empaths who intend to excel from being used. It should be practiced in the
morning and evening and visualizing oneself through meditation. It is where
one visualizes every chakra of the body being cleansed, re-aligned, and re-
energized by the external forces which come into the mind. It should be spine
like the spinning wheel where the positive energy is allowed to interact with
the mental model, and the negative energy is released into the external
environment. The eye sees, and the mind perceives what the eye can see, and
it is actualizing in the long run. Therefore, the mental can circulate what it
perceives into the mind and create harmony with the body. An empath should
find a way to relax and get things done for them, too, and they do not deserve
to be manipulated and used by people every time, which created an
imbalance in the ecosystem. Getting the best of nature can eliminate worries
and life difficulties posed by the intruders into your life. It is much prudent to
be alone than having a wrong company, which does not benefit you at all.
Why get in such situations when you can avoid every bit of it and manage life
perfectly without relying on other people’s approval. You are not an angel;
neither are you Jesus to save the world. Do what is within reach, preferably
what you can do comfortably without straining body and mind to conclude.
Besides, everyone has a helper or a family member who can chip in when
things are not right or when faced with a strategy. Having that in mind can
help one to notice that even when they are gone, the world will still be the
way it is, and people will still live comfortably without your contribution or
concern.

An empath should create a sacred space where he or she can meditate after
being overwhelmed with the worldly pressure. Space enables one to commit
to nature and has a peace of mind devoid of destruction from the external
forces. The place should be private and not be accessed by anyone, be it a
family member or partner. By having such space, one can easily release the
negative energy and feelings which come with it. The sacred place allows the
person to have self-expression on every matter. Most probably, these places
could be an art room, office, or countryside site where you can have that
privacy to refill and get back to life with full potential. Creating such spaces
enables one to get a full view of the world and what is expected of them. In
most of these places, one is likely to connect with the world and get the full
potential of what the world holds for them. Surprisingly, these people tend to
be more creative and imaginative on the way the world is perceived on the
outer sphere and the inner sphere. How one relates to the world can greatly
influence the impact they create on other people’s lives, how they do it, and
the way they perform their duties.

Connecting to nature is much important if one intends to live a lucrative life.

It helps one to release mental emotions, stress, fear, and anger easily. The
energy acquired from nature is natural, and it brings peace of mind to the
person. An empath is always engaged in thoughts and worries from other
people’s problems. Therefore, it helps one to create that positive feeling
which can eliminate the bad impressions and feelings which came with
everything else. The negative thoughts which are carried by people, mostly
the empaths, make a great living when they connect to nature well, thus
creating an absorbing content for the negative energy from the world. By
touching a tree, one tends to connect to nature well, making them feel good
about themselves.

Additionally, one can connect with the animals and get that soothing feeling
which comes with the tenderness of the animals and the nature of how they
relate to a human being. In short, interacting with nature can still help one to
feel well. It is a choice to be made and should decide on what makes them
happy and relieved. If it is touching trees, watching nature, or interacting with
animals, the choice is yours.
 CHAPTER 4: EMPATHS,
HEALTH, AND EMOTIONS
Stop Absorbing Other People’s Distress
An empath tends to be much different from other people, and they have high
sensitivity to the surroundings, and they always absorb the energy around.
The body of the empaths can be easily affected by the negative energy from
the distressing people around them. Therefore, there is a need to stop
absorbing other people’s stress in order to live a healthy life after that. Since
the negative effect of these people's influence tends to affect the health,
happiness, and the general existence of these people.

Moreover, one cannot be the caregiver of all the individuals around him or
her in a given setting; limit must be set for one to enjoy the privacy and the
privilege which comes with it as a human being. However, the other people’s
discomfort, stress, and negative emotions are likely to influence the
perspective of doing things, the way we may like things to be in the real
sense. It is natural for things to be the way they are, and there is much little
we can do to change that. It is said that nature has a way of twisting things,
and if we do not care for one another, there is a likelihood that they will not
care for us two. Nevertheless, people tend to ignore or take advantage of this
fact, and when they have realized that you are an empath, they will exploit
you to the extent that you will not have time for yourself or the family and
not forgetting the kind of relationship you have struggled to build over the
years. As an empath, one tends to be tired and sick of these toxic people
around us since they are like parasites who intend to benefit and give nothing
in return. In most cases, their character is more of violence, yelling, rushing
and noise, which is very hard to bear.

Furthermore, an empath can develop an empathic illness from all these

interactions where the emotions and body energy are eroded by the toxic
people who influence the wellbeing of individuals. The physical symptoms
tend to change when one moves from the toxic environment to a less toxic
environment where their efforts and existence are accepted and rewarded
appropriately. It is not that they are not accepted in their current niche; in
fact, they are overwhelmed with love and adoration in excess that they cannot
bear much of it anymore. Ever wonder why some people are given much
attention in some situations than others. It is due to their admirations and the
expected return on a favor. Those who give you much attention not only love
you, but they need much of you in return, and if you do not respond as they
expect, they get offended with your insensitivity. Here is where the empaths
get the advantage; they are more sensitive to other people’s feelings and
emotional needs, and they tend to be where they need at the right time, thus
taking the credit where needed. One may ask himself that if that is so, why
still need to get rid of some individuals in their lives, this is due to the
toxicant brought by too much demand for attention.
To survive such dizziness and overwhelmed nature for an empath, there is a
need to stand ground and specify what you need and what you do not need in
your life. By doing so, the decision-maker and the decision made will
influence the mind of the initiator and the influencer, which is the people
around, in this case, thus creating the desired environment for a better
coexistence. It is depicted as self-protection from the negative energy from
nature, which tends to influence the mind, feelings, and the general mental
model of a person, which is supposed to be kept clear and sacred from
external influence.

In some instances, one needs to walk away from the toxic people the moment
they feel that they do not get the reciprocal attention, and instead, they are
used or drained by the surrounding energy. If you are in a conference and
realize that the person you are talking to starts bottoming out, it is prudent to
leave such conversations before you cannot handle it. Moreover, when there
is an immediate relief after backing off, then there are there you know that
you were not the problem but him or her in that situation. It is obvious that
most people's energy impact others, and it is not your responsibility to absorb
every emitted energy from others anyhow; one deserves to create his or her
energy enough for their consumption. Even the vampire and the parasites
who feed on your energy are not there intentionally to sap you up when you
are drained, and their main agenda is just to utilized the free resource around
them with little limitation you provide. Just watch out for these characters in
your life and be reluctant not to hurt their feelings by telling them in their
face that you dislike what they are doing, instead, move away to avoid drama
and headache. It is said that the wise do not show off their wittiness. Instead,
they act in silence, and the result of their action stand for everything. Having
a tactful and swift exit is much necessary for such situations, and there is no
turning back when you decide to move on with life without the burden of
others. Besides, it eases the situation where one tends to feel more relieved,
and burden lessen. It is just like offloading the burden you have been carrying
over the years without rest. Everything has an end and rest is much important
for an empath; it gives them the freedom to start afresh. Freedom to
rejuvenate the life they had before, the life they have been longing for, or the
kind of feelings they genuinely deserve. It is like moving to a new country
where you do not know anyone and decide to start a new life journey.
On the other hand, most empaths should shield themselves from the distress
caused by other individuals in their life. The shielding method involves
visualization yourselves being surrounded by a white envelope around the
body, keeping you safe from the external influence. Just like the way one
may protect himself or herself from eroding germs into the body by
protecting the skin from being infected by the use of the paper. The white
light around the body symbolizes the kind of interaction which should be
filtered inside and the kind of positive influence it may cause. There is a high
probability that most people dislike a given topic during a conversation. If
that is so, when you do not like to be influenced by such conversations, one
should devise a way to exit such involvement since it only drains them.
Entertaining what you do not want for a very long time only shows the
vulnerability, and the greater influence such actions may cause one to change
their view of things. Empaths should not entertain being swayed by other
people’s feelings and emotional turmoil, which they do not intend to bear for
them. Getting the right attention at the right place with the right people is
much preferred than being influenced by negative energy. An empath does
not need to blow up due to anger or just because they do not agree with a
given action, marking your own space is much preferred in this case. Just
take a deep breath and engage all the senses to take center stage of all the
decisions and move on by shielding oneself from the negativity, which comes
your way. Do not let the negative influence get hold of your attention. If it
holds the attention, the likelihood of giving it much attention and attending to
it is very high, and in the end, one will be drained by the impacted influence
in their life. Ever wonder why you care too much for things that do not add
value in your life, and instead, they take much of the energy which can be
used elsewhere. Taking the right action with the right people in the right
place eases all the burden. If not so, it is advisable to back off and take
another perspective of life away from the unnecessary action which will be
handled in another perspective. An empath also has a family to take care of,
and that family needs attention as well. The shielding technique guards the
feelings and emotions and is not mend to repress them in any way other than
that. It establishes a parameter where no harm is emitted into the body or
mind of the person. This protection technique is much valuable to empaths
since it helps them from being exploited by the external energy around them,
and they create the kind of life they deserve and not what people wish for
them.

Additionally, one can practice vulnerability to the surrounding so that to

avoid being exploited and distressed by other people’s feelings. These are the
antithesis of defense though most people prefer strategy in this part; it is
probably not appropriate to be employed in this case. Holding inner feelings
and not open up easily tend to leave people in doubts while you remain
strong in your expression can make a great impact on how we perceive
things. Anyone who does not open up proves to hold some trust issues, and it
does not mean that you are weak. Empaths tend to be strong, sensitive, and
ready to help at all times, and when they are preserved, people will start
wondering for their sanity. Instead of rendering that caring and loving
service, people will start questioning their insanity and also keep off a little
bit so that they do not get the full view of how things are done. Just like
having a loving parent and all of a sudden, you realize that he does not talk
too much or give attention to the surrounding activities. At this point, people
will start preserving their grievance and emotional breakdown leaving you
with a space to attend to other things in life. This kind of strategy is unique,
and it tends to be applied more often by the introverts who dislike much
attention and all that distraction from the outside forces. It has the preserving
energy and harmonizing with the inner self without much interference and
limitations from the distress individuals. Many people will relate this
technique with fear, which is not. Instead, it is a confronting technique that
allows one to reenter thoughts and inner self for a purpose. The vulnerable
posture on getting into, the stronger they become to defeat the external forces
which influence their sanity.
Characteristically, empaths are highly influential, and they need to cement
their thoughts through meditation. In this case, daily meditation is required to
refocus the spirit and connect with nature. When we meditate daily, we give
our mind peace and rejuvenate mental models, making us powerful when it
comes to the decision-making process in any life situation. The habit helps
one to reconnect with oneself daily making life more appreciable and
meaningful since you will be able to get hold of the previous views and set
new thinking strategies. It is a kind of mystery about how meditation
influences the mind and the kind of decisions born out of meditation. For
instance, when dealing with the distressing people in life, meditation tend to
solve the equation since all answers are within our reach. A human being
does not need to look further for the answers to distressing feelings, and it is
all within our mental model, and the need to set the right schema help in
getting the right answer. In this situation, one does not need to seek advice
from other people on how to deal with the emotions and destressing nature of
people surrounding us. Setting the right mental reasoning through meditation
tends to give ways on how to go about everything we seek. The process of
inhalation and quite exhalation give rise to increased intelligence, and
intuitive responsiveness to all our worries and distress and the silence
acquaint our spirit to reinforce judgment capability.
 ARE YOU AN EMOTIONAL
OR PHYSICAL EMPATH?
One may wonder the type of empath they are in life, though there are
different types, without clear knowledge, one may not know. There are kinds
of people to consider this situation in order to arrive at a concrete solution.
Besides, empaths are empathetic people with different views and preferences
of things. The concern and the ability to think about other people’s emotions,
distress and understand them better bring about an empathetic nature.
Vividly, empaths imagine themselves in other people’s shows, to feel what
other people may be going through in life. They take the problems and the
emotional turmoil of others as their own. To say that they take the burden of
others as their own and carry it graciously without complain. So, what kind of
empaths do we have, and what kind of empath are you? Do not worry, just
read on, and find out for yourself.
Before we delve far into the type of empath you are, whether emotional or
physical. They need to know if you are really an empath is crucial. Therefore,
there are some criteria used to categorize whether you are one of them or not.
Can you please consider these statements before you conclude on your own
before I tell you whether you are an emotional being or a physical one?
Do you like spending time alone and prefer to be somewhere without
interference from other people sometimes or once in a while. The answer to
that you know yourself. Alternatively, are you highly sensitive and tend to be
aware of everything happening around you and nothing cannot pass without
your notice, you tend to analyze other people’s feelings and understand them
deeply with much ease without struggle. Let us go on, do you have a group
phobia where you do not like associating with a large group, and you feel
intimidated when you find yourself in such situation, or you hate any conflict
or any violence that may arise in a group setting or when talking to someone.
If I have not found your interest, let us continue a bit. Are you fond of kids
and animals, and they seem to love you naturally, or you just love listening to
other people talk, and the moods tend to fluctuate throughout the day?
Besides, there are feelings like over excitements and physical pain that you
may feel for others. All these feelings are normal, and still, you may be
wondering the category you may fall. To some extent, there are people who
usually feel depleted after attending to others, or after helping someone, you
tend to feel exhausted and dejected from the task rendered.
There are more to being an empath than these spiritual belief and awareness
highlighted in this context. Versions and perspectives vary from one
individual to another, and we cannot tie all the findings and beliefs under one
umbrella. Diversity and exploration of different avenues are still intact, but in
the meantime, we will look at the two kinds of empaths and know if, by any
chance, you fall under one or both.

Emotional Empath
These kind of people are likely to sense and absorb the emotions, making
other people to be relieved of the emotional energy or negativity of the
emotions. They are very sensitive, and they will quickly know if one is
depressed and are likely to react to the situation appropriately without much
difficulty. They do not have to ask the other person how they feel since they
seem to read the feelings and express the best sympathy, which suits the
situation very well. The feelings of sadness, ecstatic, fear and emotional drain
can be relieved by the help of these people.

What You Need to Consider If You Are an Emotional Empath

Are you always sort after when a friend is in need or want to talk about
emotional support, and when such happen, you are always on your feet?
People who are always ready to help are always sort after, and they seem to
offer the best therapist solution to the problems. The emotional empath tends
to suit such situations, and they are always involved in emotional situations
where they can retaliate the emotional discomfort of others.

Do people consider you to be too sensitive to the surrounding smells,

comments people make, noise, and the general environment? The emotional
empaths tend to have profiled hypochondriacs, where people regard them as
sensitive to a variety of stimuli. These highly sensitive individuals are
emotional empaths, and one should be more careful when talking to them to
avoid misinterpretation and misjudgment since they are prone to that vice.
They will always find a fault in everything, and to some extent, they do not
contain a long conversation. Their minds always wonder when you are
talking to them since they are prone to conclude what you are about to say
before you say it.

Additionally, emotional empaths tend to get irritated or excited very fast, and
while still conversing, they may either burst into happiness, joy, anger, or
sadness without realizing the bearing of their view. They seem to avoid an
engaging environment since they dislike being fitted in one position for a
very long time. They prefer moving from one place to another, and they
cannot live without interacting with other people for a very long time.
Fortunately, they can be trusted with any issue due to their secret-keeping
ability which makes them beloved by many people in the society. These
people have problems interacting in the crowd for a very long time. They are
not the entertaining type, and they will have a listening hear for all the
problems and tribulations one undergoes.
Moreover, they have a deep understanding capability, which makes them
distinct from others. The space they create for others and themselves is
incomparable since they are usually concerned about others' wellbeing and
create more time for them than the time they create for their family. From all
these descriptions, one can predict if he or she belongs to this group before
proceeding to the next group.

Physical Empath
Empathic illness is foreign, and the symptoms are not mended to hinder the
sanity of anyone. One does not have to be overwhelmed by other pain. These
people are always overwhelmed with other people’s physical pain, and they
always absorb those pain as their own. Moreover, they are prone to become
more energized by other people’s well-being. These people dreaded crowd,
and they prefer lone time away from people, that free environment far from
interference suit them well.

The physical empaths are likely to feel other people’s aches, illnesses, and
pains when they are around them. These people are responsive to the
surrounding environment, and they are prone to make sound judgment based
on what they are seeing, what they are feeling, and the things they perceive to
exist. Physical empaths usually spend a lot of time with people they love, and
they get more involved in other people’s affairs where they are usually
regarded as advisors, caregivers, and the comforter in such situations. In most
cases, they are sort after in times of need and pain when someone feels
uncomfortable about anything in life. Despite all these affirmations and
tribulations, an empath is undergoing; they tend to be more vulnerable than
the people they seem to care about. Do not ask me why that is so and so, and
the fact affirms that it is true. Let me elaborate more on it further. These
people will always render their services to others, and in the process, they
forget themselves. How? Let us take this situation. A friend is sick, and you
are also not feeling well, but instead of waiting to get healed, you take an
initiative to go and visit your friend who is sick. Now tell me who is
comfortable in this situation. In another instance, a person is having a
marriage problem with the partner and keep it secret for the sake of the
family, on the other hand, his friend with similar situation seek his advice
concerning the matter. As an empath, he will tend to give the solution to his
friend, and they will ponder about the problem for quite a while, in the end,
an empath will not disclose to his friend about what he is undergoing at
home. Though he will understand and feel the pain of his friend and in the
end, they will reach a solution. Therefore, where do they intend to get the
solution to their problems even though they seemed to be composed and
contented with what they have, the situation they are in and how perceive
things? Being an empath is very tricky, more so a physical empath. They pass
through a lot in life, and they suffer in silence. Fortunately, most of them can
navigate around their problems without seeking guidance or help from
experts. In short, they are emotionally intelligent, and they do not fear the
implication of life like other people in society.
 EMPATHS AND
MEDICATION
Typically, empaths are sensitive people, and they are always affected by
medication due to this nature. These people experience chronic sensory
overload, depression and are always prone to be sensitive when subjected
under medication. In most cases, they are prone to develop some strange
symptoms when sick and the cure for their illness incline to be unpredictable
and hard to handle. The bodies of empaths are much sensitive to drugs, and
the reactions are not predictable by the medics. Usually, they are handled by
specialists who can interpret and understand their situation before
administering medication to them when sick.

Many physicians will prefer to give these people antidepressants medications,

which is not appropriate for these sensitive beings. They are supposed to be
treated well and with care without compromising their well-being or their
sanity. Ever wonder why some people tend to be more reactive to drugs, and
in most cases, they are not likely to respond in time for such medications?
Some will tend to have tragic reactions on their skin, and some will be hard
filled with a lot of anger and tribulations. Sometimes these medications are
not preferred; they may only need to have an environment free from
destruction from the outside forces.
Furthermore, empaths are prone to be chronically depleted by stress or
trauma, and they only require some medication to reduce depression and
anxiety, which tend to balance their biochemistry. When these are to be
prescribed in unavoidable situations, it has to be for a short time and not for a
long time. It is believed that empaths require a lower dose than other people
due to their reactivity, the placebo response, which is prescribed by some
medics. These people are sensitive to almost everything and care should be
taken when it comes to medications.

To affirm if you may be an empath, analyze your medication response to

drugs, how your body tends to react, and the suitable condition for
medication. It may arise from the side effect of the drug but mostly, the
person taking the drug influence the impact of the drug on their body. As an
empath, you should learn to trust your body more than anything else on earth.
The feelings make one feel good about themselves and the way they perceive
nature keep them intact with the environment. In case of such side effects, the
situation may be real and erratic to deal with most people.
Empaths listening to the wisdom of their body plays a great role when sick.
For instance, a patient seeks medication after experiencing some intense
anxiety while driving to work. It may be due to multiple lines and whizzing
huge trucks on the road from all direction which destructs his attention,
making him feel that anxiety emotion. When an empath faces such a
situation, they tend to be tussled and confused by the state of things. Most of
them prefer driving on a free highway where there are fewer motorists on the
road. An empath will not get himself crazy trying to get over the anxiety, and
they will try as much as possible to get involved in such situations whenever
they can manage to do so before they get used up. These people are sensitive
to every detail of events, and they will always pick wrong and good things
out of a given even as much as they can. The unique characteristic of these
people put them in front of everyone in the community. Getting used to a
given situation is not their thing; the likelihood of getting bored as soon as
something picks off tends to be their most unavoidable character. Besides,
they have special needs that must be respected and adhered to by people
surrounding them. They are prone to get used to events and the nature of
things. Coping up with these people may be interesting until they get sick is
when you will realize how vulnerable they are and how they should be
treated back in society. Since they have that tender heart that is always ready
to assist whenever they are needed, they get overwhelmed with sickness, and
that is the time one should return the favor; they usually surrender.

According to recent research done by the Ohio state university, it is revealed

that pain can inhibit empathy. It indicates that some of the participants were
given Tylenol drug while others were not given the drugs to analyze the
effect of the drug on their body. There were mishaps with those who were not
given the drug, and the findings affirm that the drug tends to inhibit the
compassionate nature of the empaths. The medics assert that Tylenol
decreases the level of empathy, and it has been used by many people all over
the world without noticing, no wonder some nations are brutal than others.

The underlying fact is that medication affects empaths and, in most cases, it
affects their mental perception of things. How they view things tends to
change after getting the medication, and most probably, they react negatively
after getting the medication, how to measure the effect and administer the
right quantity of the drug matters more than the quality of that drug. It is true
that their mental model is much different from other people, and their
reasoning and judgmental capability is distracted by the drug or the chemical
reaction with their body.
These people need to get a detailed interaction with the medics concerning
their condition before being treated. The effect of drugs on their body nay
becomes more drastic, making them lose their sanity. Ever wonder why cases
of empaths beings sane are much rampant than others going crazy in society.
It is very common everywhere, and with due diligence, one is likely to get the
reason behind the research result. These people fear drugs, and that is
administered in their mental model depicting it as a negative influence liker
the negative energy they pick from toxic people in society. These people
should be more careful before taking any drug, and they are advised to seek
suggestions from the medical practitioners after sharing how they react to
drugs. The therapeutic intervention makes them unique and more liable to
medication at times. Their minds should be focused on the healing process
and not the drugs they are being given by the medics in the hospital. Even if
it is self-treatment where one buys a drug at the store and take them to relieve
the pain they are experiencing for quite a while. The medication should be
taken with care without contradiction of the doctor's prescriptions.

Ultimately, the partner’s intervention is required when it comes to medication

of the empaths, and they must get the best attention due to their vulnerability
at this stage of life. They may indeed exaggerate the sickness to the extent
that people may depict that they are pretending, which may not be the case
sometimes. Factually, their case is usually genuine due to the high sensitivity
of their mental model and body. Their schema may also alter the situation,
making them more vulnerable or subjected to negative energy from the
external environment thus creating the implication of their body.

Empaths are prone to mental fatigue, and this could be mistaken with other
things, which may cause many implications if they are subjected to drugs
mistakenly. The truth is that some of the glands may become exhausted, thus
causing feelings and dejection nature. In most cases, these people get trouble
in thinking straight on some things and the nature of medication that they
should take may give them more stress and insomnia. When was the last time
you interact with a sick empath, they tend to be flamed by the thought of
being sick, and the sensitivity to every detail of their surroundings tend to be
more intense to the extent that they place some unnecessary demand on their
partners. They get serious with the issue of sickness to the extent that you
may think that they are about to die the next moment, the insecurity
heightened in them that they may instill fear. At that point, all they need is
comfort, someone who can tell them that they will be okay, and they are not
about to die. If you are a kind-hearted, the better because that is the treatment
they need at that time of sickness. The affirmation that what they are passing
through is just temporary, and they will overcome it very soon is all they
want. Providing all the attention to all their needs at the time of sickness
makes them feel that they are needed, valued, and cherished by the partner,
family, and friends.

Moreover, who does not need such special treatment in life? You will say
that everyone deserves that, but empath deserves it more, especially when
they are sick. Medicine may not work well on them like the way
psychological therapy does. The consolation makes them feel whole and
accepted.
 CHAPTER 5: EMPATHETIC
RELATIONSHIPS
Empathy can be defined as the social and emotional skills that help us
understand and feel emotions, feelings, and thoughts of other people and how
we can appropriately offer support to these people. It can also be defined as
the passion and willingness to help others. It can also be defined as matching
other people's emotions and feelings and being able to know what they are
feeling. An empathetic person is called an empath. Being empathetic includes
having the understanding that several factors are included in decision making
and cognitive processes. It is also good to note that the past experiences of
somebody may widely influence their level of decision making. Having an
understanding of this enables somebody to be empathetic to people who are,
at times, irrational about the decisions they make that would easily be
responded wisely by most individuals. Factors that may influence such kinds
of irrational behavior would be childhood trauma, broken homes, lack of
proper or no parenting among other factors. According to a study that was
done by Martin Hoffman, everybody is born with the capability of being
empathetic. However, it is left as a choice for most individuals to choose
whether to be empathetic or not. Grasping another person's emotions and
taking them as yours is seen as an act of being empathetic. Empathy can also
be trained and learned but takes a lot of effort from the individual and a lot of
accuracy and intensity to what is being taught. In psychology, it is said that
humans have an immediate connection to the other person’s voice and tone
and ability to learn somebody’s body language. In this field also, of
psychology, empathy has been compared to egotism and altruism. Altruism
can be defined as the behavior aimed at benefiting someone else while
egotism is the behavior that one has to benefit themselves. Being empathetic
can make you altruistic. Therefore one has to be careful when being
empathetic as it has been the breeding grounds for manipulation, narcissism,
violence, and crime among others. People mostly tend to be empathetic to the
people they love are attached to; for example, one can be empathetic towards
their intimate partner. They would not want to see their partner getting hurt in
any way. They are, therefore, always ready to do everything for them
including making huge sacrifices like letting go of their own family and
friends for the sake of their partner. At times being empathetic and soft
spotted can make your target to manipulation. Covering up for your partner
and not letting your partner know where the boundaries lie may make them
think that it is okay to just trample on you and let it go easily. Therefore as
how good or motivating being empathetic might be, it is always good to
know when to put a stop and boundaries for yourself as some people might
use you for their beneficial purposes.
 PEOPLE CAN ALSO LEARN
WAYS ON HOW TO
CONTROL THEIR
EMPATHETIC NATURE
As somebody continues gaining and learning their empathetic skills, it is
good that you get support from the people you love or the people that are
close to you. Finding people who are empathetic and are skillfully willing to
take you through the entire journey would help you a lot in this. However, it
is also good to take note of who is helping you and why they are helping you.
Always have a clear reason to why someone is close to you or wants to be
close to you. It is good to be aware if truly your loved ones can understand
and read your innermost thoughts. If you do not feel any connection with the
person you think is in your empathetic circle, you can always go back and
start all over again. Most people are often confused about how to truly know
if someone is fit to be in your empathetic circle. It is very easy to know this
by engaging the person you feel closer to in an emotional place that involves
a lot of emotions. Like for example watching an emotional play together. It is
good that you find the right empathetic companion at this time, or it might be
too late when you realize it. Finding someone who you can comfortably share
your emotions with and vice versa would be great, depending on how you
both can regulate your emotions. Learning how to control and being mindful
of your emotions and behaviors is also important, as well as helps you to
openly socialize with others properly. It is also good to set boundaries at the
start of your empathetic journey so that both of you don't become hyper
empathy. Hyperempaths can easily harm each other if they do not know how
to control their feelings. However, they can be the best help to each other if
they are emotionally stable. The interconnection between the two of them
will mutually be fulfilling. Emotional awareness creates grounds for health
and relationships. A partner who does not open up to you about their troubles
or is confused by their emotions, then he or she is not ready yet to be your
empathetic companion. It is advisable that you be careful when you know the
person you are with is insensitive and make sure that their insensitiveness
does not affect you.it is okay to feel unsafe if this person is a family member
but it should be alarming when the person guiding you through your
empathetic journey is not a family member or close relative but feels insecure
or not sure about their feelings also. If you find it had to change the person
you chose to be your empathetic partner, you can have them see a counselor
or psychologist just to be sure of their feelings and emotions. Your loved
ones and relatives need to first be able to identify their own emotions first
hand before they start empathizing with you. Your loved ones should be able
to regulate their feelings and emotional responses. These cognitive skills can
easily be learned or taught by a councilor of you find out that one of your
relatives don't have the necessary required ability to regulate themselves. A
red flag is raised when your loved ones refuse to see a counselor regarding
their emotional confusion or refuse to learn simple management skills. Total
refusal to manage these emotions should send a warning, and restrictions
between the two of you should be made. However, it is more worrying if
these people are your most close relative to those that you see and mingle
with each day. To make sure that you don't become a hyper empath, you need
to learn how to regulate your feelings accordingly. You always need to be
aware of their language, mood, body language, and psychical condition. Your
relatives and close friends can empathetically connect with you if they are not
the kind that feels that they can just walk into somebody's life and walk out as
soon as they feel like it.
Their perspective and how they see and argue about things should be able to
tell you if that person has the right to be your partner. Self-awareness and
self-recognition are the keys to having a better perspective foresee (Doris
Bischof Kohler). Your loved ones should be able to take other people's
perspectives for them to qualify in bring your empathetic partner. Your
mindfulness will help your loved ones gain good inter and intrapersonal skills
and learn how to set boundaries for themselves. Empathetic skills can easily
be increased at any age that you go through. Your loved ones and relative
should have concern for others to be able to take you to step by step through
the empathetic journey as your partners. If your loved one does not have
concern for others, it would be best for them to be able to gain concern for
others first before becoming your empathetic guide. Being concerned for
others is also viewed in a social fitting place, where the people or your loved
one show concern can also be able to teach you about being empathetic. It is
said that babies develop their empathy in stages, and therefore, they are the
only ones who are allowed not to have concern for others. For your loved
ones to become epithetical partners, the first of all need to have concern for
other people. Your loved ones also need to be able to act and help people in a
way that it truly helps them and that shows that they understood what the
other person is going through. If these people have this perceptive
engagement, they will truly be able to help you empathetically. It is good to
note that though these people are your loved ones, some of them might be out
to destroy and diminish your life completely. So it is highly advised that you
are extra careful with your empathetic partner. You need to protect yourself
from people who seem not interested to have a change in their life or what
they do to you doesn’t seem to matter to them.

People who want to be empathetic tend to revolve or create a circle of people

who they feel will be able to support their emotions fully and guide them
properly all through the journey. People who have emotional skills and can
control their emotions should be the best catch for you. There are several
ways in which you can pick point the persons that have the interpersonal
skills. These include;

Social Intuition
This is referred to as emotion contagion mixed with empathic accuracy. This
means that their intuition should be the way you want it. The questions you
should ask yourself is how well and how long they can read your thoughts
and behavior. Loved ones that have very strong social intuitions need to be
carefully checked as they may be a hyper empath. If this is the kind of loved
one, so you have to make sure to set boundaries between you and them to
ensure that you do not end up being frustrated by them.

Self-Awareness
They should also have a balanced self-awareness. This is known as the
foundation of empathetic awareness. Becoming too self-aware may make
your life a bit uncomfortable, so it is not highly advised that you become too
self-aware about your life. However, your loved ones should be more aware
of themselves to be able to positively help you in being empathetic. Seeking
professional help from counselors and psychologists will help you a lot in
knowing how to be able to balance and be aware of your emotions. Your
loved ones should also be able to tell who they really are and what they feel
inside about themselves. By doing this, they will have helped you become a
lot more empathetic in your life as well.
Being empathetic is the dream of almost everybody; however, being
empathetic has its insecurities and challenges. Empathetic people are often
taken advantage of and used to satisfy the needs of others. People have a
negative perception of empathetic people. They don't give them a sense of
belonging to the community. A lot of empathetic people are not aware of
themselves and are unable to control their feelings and emotions. They give
the people the wrong picture view about themselves. This makes them easily
prone to manipulators, narcissists, and mind controllers. Therefore, as people
learn on how to be empathetic, they should also bear in mind that they are in
danger and that they should also learn skills on how to protect themselves
from insecurities or from people who would want to use them badly.it is good
to note that though you are empathetic, it is hard for you to save everyone but
loving yourself more and not giving a chance to unempathetic people in your
life is the best decision you would ever make in your life. Being empathetic is
powerful.
 UNDERSTANDING
EMOTIONAL
COMPATIBILITY AND ITS
IMPORTANCE
People experience life differently, just like the way people have a diverse set
of fingerprints. The life experience of each individual in a relationship must
complement each other though there are more sensitive empaths who make it
more bearable to others. Just like the common saying, “opposites attract.” In
this case, the interest of one person compliments the interest of another
person to create mutual understanding and compatibility. This emotional
attachment is crucial for a relationship to last longer, be fruitful and
dependable in the future.
Moreover, compatibility does not merely mean linking people, and it has
much to do with the prosperity of the relationship. For instance, a relationship
with low or no mutual understanding, no compatibility, the partners tend to
suffer most, and the likelihood of t failing is very high. Therefore, there is a
basic requirement for emotional compatibility and how they are important for
human survival in the long run.

For a couple to live together, have common goals in life, there must be trust
between them. Trust manifest love and understanding born out of love is
unbreakable. Besides, the basic foundation of love is values and principles
which are compatible and accepted by the individuals involved. The resultant
of these principles and values is shared goals and dreams, which make
couples or friends and family to be emotionally compatible with achieving
the same objective in life. In some instances, innocent cheating in an exam
may not be a great deal to you, but to some people, it is a big deal, and an
offense; throwing away excess food can be cool for you but how about your
partner, it can be considered a kind gesture to the neighbor who is dire need
of food. In fact, these can be a mere normal or small issue couples get a
different way of view, and if they persist, it may result in major differences
like sexual behavior, tolerance, and children's education preference and
difference at the family level. Therefore, for couples to trust each other, live
together in peace, their values must be in harmony.

Reasonably, no need to be reproachable and abusive when it comes to

relationship matters. Stating things as they are will save situations though
there are chances of it elating displeasing perspective to people who do not
approve of such actions. Besides, there are things that may hurt your feelings
more than the way they may make you happy. As an empath, you understand
other people’s feelings, their views on life and their perspective of doing
things. Do such actions appeal to you? Do they contradict your perspective of
doing things or are they just mere excuses to get you involved in what you do
not want to do in the first place? All these questions must be answered
accordingly to make things right and to be compatible with each other in the
relationship. Avoid being used by your partner, who is in pursuit of their own
goals and interest. If you do not agree on a thing, state it clearly that you are
not in for it and not willing to be part of it even in the future. By doing so,
you will be at peace with yourself, with other people around you and in the
end, you will enjoy. More interestingly, every partner has its code of ethics,
and these values are much diverse from one relationship to another. If you
can understand the code of ethics in one relationship, the likelihood of
becoming friends with those couples is very high.

Furthermore, emotional compatibility can be assimilated by individuals. The

partner can be influenced by the other partner’s views, values, and code of
conduct, making them liable to actions they make in life. Though there is a
tendency of rejection in the first place when the couples do not know each
other, they are prone to repel from each other’s view, and that is normal. If
you may ask any doctor who has done organ transplants, the organ should not
be rejected by the receiver, and it should be accepted, and in any way
possible, it must be assimilated into the system of the receiving party. Just
like organs, the partner needs to be assimilated for him or her to be accepted
by the other person as part and parcel of one motive. By doing so, one tends
to get emotionally compatible with the other person making life comfortable
for one another. The reactions, emotional outbursts, and irritations and
accommodated by the partners easily thus making it possible for them to live
together as couples. In some instances, that one person you may find irritable,
irresponsible, and careless in your views may be more loving, more adorable
by another person on their terms and conditions. We should not judge or
reject everyone who is not compatible with our feelings since they are likely
to suit others well and for that reason, make life bearable for them in such a
way that we are not aware of what we are prone to lose. Alternatively, those
people we see as positive and uplifting to be around may prove to be
unrealistic and out of touch with reality. We are not similar in everything, we
tend to differ in opinion, views, and ethical codes and the only thing that can
bring us together is the same goals and admiration towards the same
objectives. Therefore, there is a need to accommodate each other, understand
the feelings of the other person and make life bearable for everyone around
us.

Provided that partners are going to spend much time with you, probably the
rest of their lives. Your ambitions cannot be different; there must be a
common tie which brings you together, that one thing you admire in each
other, which makes you compatible and ending up a couple. Conflicting
objectives tend to bring such differences. Thus, the need for a couple to have
the same focus on life is much important; it makes them believe in
themselves, what they are doing, and how they will go about everything in
life.

People may tend to be great together in a relationship in terms of trust,

achievement, and acceptance. Ideally, they have to enjoy each other’s
company to cement long term success and compatibility. At this point, the
need to create more avenue for your partner to thrive in life is heightened by
the other person making them a comfortable place to live. How do you find
your partner attractive, admirable, and is your sexual chemistry appealing, or
what attracts you to her or him? These are the basic evaluation for emotional
attachment in the relationship, and one should look at them carefully. A
personal relationship with other people in a given setting is amazing; empaths
tend to nurture the mutual understanding in the relationship with a good
rapport and support they normally create through interaction and social
engagement. As a couple, placing yourself in your partner's shoes in order to
get a good grip on how they perceive things and feel what they are going
through makes one be a great partner. Since they can understand what they
feel and how their fellow partners should be treated, the most empaths stand a
better chance of receiving more favors and acknowledgment from these
people
Additionally, being emotionally compatible can mean a lot to people in a
relationship since they tend to feel good around each other; it does not matter
the place they are or where they go to. All that matters for the partners is that
they are happy, doing the things they love to do and enjoying each other
company, thus making life bearable for each other. It feels good when you
know that you can talk to a partner without any contradiction about any topic,
they accept you the way you are, and they do not feel bad about you reproach
on any issue. Compatible partners usually understand each other well, and
they provide a conducive environment for each other.

Having good emotional connections benefits partners in any way. Moreover,

it is important for couples to connect emotionally than trying to forge the
connection which does not exist. This kind of relationship is crucial for a
long term commitment. Great compatibility enhances sexual connection in a
relationship. For women who are emotionally connected, their sexual life
tends to be heightened making it pleasurable for both parties. The emotional
connection usually creates a bond of trust and respect which is essential in a
relationship making it couples to be wild between the sheets. According to
the latest research, it was revealed that physical intimacy through sex and
touch deepens the connection between partners, thus making their
relationship fruitful.
Nevertheless, knowing each other from the emotional perspective increases
the respect between partners making their life better and enjoyable. The
surviving nature in this path is that there are mutual benefits and tolerance for
the partners. When you value your partner, there is a slim chance that you
will disrespect them, make their life unbearable, and live with regret since the
level of emotional compatibility is very high, and no one is willing to risk the
blame for the break-up.

In the last decades, some of the common terminologies like neoliberal has
come to permeate the values, thinking, and identities of others in society. The
belief is emaciated by the individual grip on the tradition where people give
more values to things they believe in and not what others perceive to be the
best for them. The society has grown to self-management sphere where
everyone makes their own decision regarding the relationship matters. There
has been a great decrease in empathy level among people in society; the care
and love which use to exist have decline terribly, making life more difficult
for people. An empath will try to tolerate mediocrity and unpleasant demand
from the lynching partners who has nothing to offer but put their emotional
need as their survival techniques. They will always demand attention and
assistance from empaths in such a way that they make life unbearable for
them.

In most cases, they demand more than what empaths could offer. Moreover,
empaths tend to create avenues for people that later become a source of
admiration and happiness to many in the community. By doing so, they still
tend to control their emotions on how they react, how they act around the less
fortunate individuals in society. Nevertheless, good deeds usually help them
to gain more respect and admiration among partners who aid in creating
strong bondage with other individuals in society. Empaths characters are very
rare since most people are not willing to take in the burden of others, and it
must be from someone who is emotionally intelligent, a person with a strong
personality to persuade and influence.

A relationship with good communication rapport, people incline to be happy

and excited about the relationship. There is an infinite love for the partner,
and the likelihood of this kind of relationship failing is much slimmer than its
success. Where there is happiness is where the heart belongs. Interestingly,
many people do not configure this before getting involved in a relationship,
and they get into toxic relationships hoping that things will change, that that
abusive partner will one day love them and accept them the way they are
without compromising their feelings. These people live in dreamland, and
their dreams are worsened every time they had to keep up with the bad
behaviors of their partners. Alternatively, relationships with good
communication channels tend to thrive the test of time; partners are aware of
their other half feelings, notion towards life, and the general view of life.

Ultimately, they tolerate bad and abusive partners with good corrective
measures through communication. In a relationship, the cementing block is
always communication, which enhances the understanding of each other. One
can easily forward his or her view without necessarily offending the partner
— the release of oxytocin hormone when partners get intimate results into
confidence and trust in each other. For empaths, the compatibility comes
naturally without being forced, and that is the brighter side of dating an
empath.
 RECOGNIZING YOUR
INTIMACY ZONES
What kind of feelings appeal to you most, hugged, intimacy, or sex with your
partner? Who among you seeks more attention, and to what extent does that
attention is availed? Generally, how do you feel about the commitment, do
you need to free up your mind or you are just comfortable with the situation.
By analyzing these factors, one is likely to arrive at the most desirable
intimacy zone in a relationship. Normally, everyone has a different comfort
zone in a relationship for intimacy and connection necessary in a given
courtship. One may prefer a certain comfort zone, which does not appeal to
the other party.
Therefore, getting into the right intimate spot of the partner is very crucial for
a long-lasting relationship. Who does not want to be happy in a relationship,
who does not desire to be the best partners or the pacesetters in society? It is
commonly perceived that everyone wants the best of their partner; they want
a desirable lifestyle that is adored by everyone. Besides, getting the right
match is always the problem in a relationship; one may be your best, but you
are not their best partner, thus leading to cheating in the relationship.

It is believed that the difference in the comfort zone and intimacy date back
to childhood experience, traumas, past relationships, the support, and the
effect of those experiences in one’s life. Having a desirable past experience
plays a great role in a relationship, determines the motivation and the
likelihood of the success of the relationship. In case one of the partners has
been through hell in his or her past, the survival of that relationship is very
slim. That person will not see any good out of the relationship; all he will be
reflecting is the undesirable encounter he underwent in the past relationship.
It is like dating a widow or widower; all they think of all day long is the
spouse whom they buried in the past, and in any case, you hurt them, all they
think about is the pleasurable moments they shared in the past. How will you
feel in such a relationship?
In other instance is like dating someone who had a miserable and abusive
relationship, every time they encounter something which may relate to the
past abuse, they tend to switch off, and you cannot ignite them again during
romance. Therefore, it is important to inspect your partner’s background
before committing into such a relationship. If you do not do, the likelihood of
hurting their feelings and hurting yours too is very high, and the result may
seem to be terrible. In a relationship, there should be mutual understanding,
which leads to intimacy or sex. Finding out what turns your partner on came
in hand in this situation for you to enjoy the best intimacy.

According to sexology, it unravels that the skin has much to do with the
stimulation of the body. Since skin is the largest organ in the body, one
should identify the soft spot on the partner's body, which turns them on when
touched. However, there are more considerations to be undertaken before
getting into that. Not all the skin surface of a person can be the soft spot for
intimacy. Some will be turned on when their hair is touched; some are on
their lower back, and others cannot be specified. The fact remains that there
is a varied section of the body that appeals to everyone, even me, I do not
know my soft spot; maybe my partner knows. It is advisable to find the soft
spot on your partner before initiating intimacy, by doing so, you stand a
better chance of getting the best out of your partner or from the relationship
depending on your motive. In a relationship, partners have the same ability to
connect, though the desire and admiration usually differ from one
relationship to another.

However, there are many imbalance relationships which are comprised of

incompatible partners who tend to differ from one another depending on the
level of the relationship. Even though there are high chances in a relationship
due to time spend together, the communication level still has much to do with
the success of that relationship. Have you ever wondered why most of the
relationships fail with a claim that someone is not getting the deserved
attention. What could be the cause of such mishaps in a relationship!

Typically, empaths tend to complicate the intimacy level in a relationship.

These people are very sensitive; they sometimes make their couple
uncomfortable around them; they seem to encode every word from the
conversation making it hard for the partner to pass the message across with
ease. The characteristic of empaths usually leads to misinformation, and the
chances of not getting their attention are very high making one ineligible to
contend with their requirement. If you have ever dated one, you will
understand what am talking about. Though the level of understanding and
caring is very high, they make good homes in case the person in question is a
woman, but it is a man, there is no comfort in that house. The level at which
children get intimidated with a slight mistake is very high and making a slight
mistake can lead to serious punishment. Generally, they are the perfectionists
in the house, and they analyze every detail of everything in the house leaving
no chance for mistake. The brighter side of empaths is that they care too
much and they can get hurt when someone else is hurt within the family
circle. Therefore, dating these kinds of people come with both ups and
downs; it is your choice to place the priority which suits you most. Besides,
they are somehow unpredictable on the way they act when they are annoyed
by their partner. In most cases, they will suffer silently without you notice
leaving the partner in the dark. On other occasions, they are likely to burst
out in response to the infringement of their rights.
Jane is a single mother at her forties, she broke up with her husband, and she
has been leaving with her seven-year-old daughter for about five years. One
day, she met an attractive man at the party, they talked over many things, and
it seems like things seem two work out between the two. The connection was
real, and she felt like that is the best moment of her life after her husband had
left, the presence of this human-made her feel like a woman again. However,
she was also stressed up out of the day’s work and the drinks at the party,
which seems to have taken a better part of her. Suddenly, she felt exhausted
though, in her mind, she wanted to know the man well, get his contact and
even to strike date with him as soon as possible. You know that feeling you
get when you have, longed for something for a very long time, and finally, it
is just within your reach. Even if you are the one, what can you do? It is very
tempting and intimidating at the same time. It was very late, and the
exhaustion took the better side of her, and she decides to leave without biding
the new partner goodbye. Indeed, she liked the guy so much, but she also
wanted to get some rest, she could think clearly at that moment and after
reaching home is when she realized that she never took the number of that
guy and the guy too has not taken her number. She was upset with her action
the next day she wakes up; all she can remember is the first name of that guy.
She wondered how she could reach that man again with just one name for her
rescue, how many guys had the same name at the party even if she had to ask
her friends. What could be the reaction of that guy in case they meet again,
how she is going to explain her initial action? Jane never stands another
chance for connection, and that is how it normally slip between our hands,
the value we put on ourselves usually out measure what we put on others.
Sometimes, people may get connected but never get a chance to get intimate,
and its end on the surface like that. How many times do we pass the perfect
match for our relationship while chasing the imperfect match, how does it
feel to finally fall for someone we do not intend to spend the rest of our lives?
So sad that these things happen, not because we cannot avoid them, or that
we cannot control the outcome of such action, but because we are ignorant of
what we stand to gain.
Far from that, there are times when we need to spend sometimes alone or
with our spouse in a secret place without disturbance from external invasion.
For instance, sue and Jason have been in a marriage for the last ten years. Sue
always want to spend all her free time with her husband, anytime they are
free or attending to any activities, sue prefer to accompany her husband
anywhere he goes when she is free. Nevertheless, she does not understand
that her husband, too needs sometimes alone, to be somewhere without her
presence. In case her husband could express her feelings, she always reacts
with an outburst, angry towards him which makes him more uncomfortable.
Though he loves her, he could not manage all those dramas his wife is putting
on him. In some instances, he will have to oblige with her demand just to
avoid the accusations and being yield by the wife. Can you imagine the kind
of relationship the two are undergoing? What survival skills can you advise
the two couples? Understandably, the relationship can be more stressful at
times, and one may lose control, trying to protect their partner. The kind of
relationship people are engaged in is much diverse, and they have a different
mentality of dealing with their problems.
In pursuing sues feelings, I came to realize that the rejection came from
deeper issues that just the way we may think they are just out of jealousy.
The difference response she gives when Jason sometimes need alone tend to
come from the experience that she is not willing to incur again in her life. By
analyzing the situation, sue could be battling past relationship betrayal, which
makes her insecure when her husband is alone. She gets the impression that
her husband may leave her for another woman despite many years in
marriage, which she could count on for security purposes. My advice to him
is to get her husband in compassionate communication and get him to
understand her state of mind. As a result, the two can reach a good
understanding of making each other comfortable in whatever they undertake
in their daily endeavor. In this case, sue should get the activities she enjoys
doing alone thus relieving her husband the burden of walking with her
everywhere he goes thus restoring respect and love as before. By doing so,
the intimacy connection is also improved in the process making the couple to
enjoy each other’s rear company they get when they finally reach home after
long working hours during the day.

If one is dating, there is time to be set for everyone to sort out their own
needs without the other party interference. Everyone needs to access own
needs and values in the right way that they are not compromised while doing
so. Can your partner's comfort zone intimacy be similar to yours? One needs
to analyze that before choking partner with unnecessary demand. Ask
yourself if you prefer cuddling, affection, hugging more often, or you need
your partner to call or text often? How your partner does feels when you are
around. Alternatively, it is just normal; whether you are there or not, they are
okay. The basic foundation of all intimacy is compassionate communication,
and one needs to keep that in mind always.
 CHAPTER 6: SURVIVING
MANIPULATION, MIND
CONTROL AND
NARCISSISM
Recognize a Narcissist
Whether you are looking for a dating partner, friend, employees, or
workmate, it is important to know how to recognize a narcissist. In
relationships, narcissists consider themselves to be superior as compared to
their partners, and such, they demand admiration from their partners. It is
common for narcissists to humiliate people in public with the aim of
enhancing their image. They lose interest easily especially when they are
done with a person or no longer find you as attractive. In an office setting,
they spend a lot of time chatting with their colleagues and making promises
they cannot fulfill with the aim of impressing people and gaining admiration
at work.

Just like empathy, narcissism is a trait that lives on a spectrum, with one end
being a full-blown disorder while the other being fairly benign. Narcissism is
a spectrum that almost everyone falls for at some point in life. The fact that
we all try to look good and presentable before leaving the house every
morning means that we perceive what other people think about us. In fact,
according to research, most successful people globally attribute their success
to some form of narcissistic traits. However, when a person portrays too
many narcissistic traits and tendencies that affect their relationships, it
becomes a serious issue that must be addressed by professionals or through a
plan.
Symptoms of Narcissism
Exaggeration of their importance: a narcissist will not only own their
accomplishments but will also be arrogant to people because they tend to feel
superior and more important than other people. They believe that they are
above other people and that they have accomplished more than actually have
accomplished.

They are preoccupied with fantasies about power, romance, intelligence,

beauty, and success: most narcissists are obsessed with the idea of having a
perfect life. They describe their relationships as the ideal fairy tale romance
story and have a belief that will live happily ever after no matter what
challenges they face. At this internet age, it is common for narcissists to keep
posting photos and writing about their partners on social media with the aim
of portraying to the world that they are in perfect relationships, which may
not always be the case.

They demand attention and admiration: in order for narcissists to maintain

their inflated ego, they need to get constant admiration and affirmation that
they are beautiful, attractive, talented, and smart. In case they fail to get the
affirmation or admiration they seek, they can easily get withdrawn or throw
tantrums until they get the attention they require. They disregard the effects
of their behavior towards other people, yet they yearn for other people’s
positive opinions about them. They cannot handle the thought that other
people believe that they are not as great as they believe they are.

They take advantage of others: it common for narcissists to exploit other

people in order to get what they need to move forward. As such, they can get
into a relationship with someone they are not really interested in in order to
benefit from their money, fame, or social status. Note that, they will have no
problem ditching that person once they achieve what they wanted. The use
people and drain them of resources without caring about the person’s well-
being. This because narcissists believe that they deserve everything that
belongs to other people, whether it is time, resources, energy, and
possessions. They are always using people with the aim of filling their never-
ending void in them.

Lack of empathy: this is often defined as the true test of a narcissist. They are
not empathetic in that; they do not have the ability to envision the impact of
their behavior towards other people. This is because they are too into
themselves that they cannot recognize other people’s feelings and ideas.
 COPING WITH A
NARCISSIST
Note that, just like you should self-diagnose yourself with narcissism, it is not
wise to diagnose another person with a narcissistic disorder. Only a qualified
therapist or psychiatrist should assess and eventually diagnose a personality
disorder or mental health problem. However, if you suspect that your partner
or close family member is a narcissist, you should focus on identifying and
pointing out the narcissistic traits they portray. Try to start a conversation and
engage them but be extra careful because if a person is a full-blown
narcissist, they will not take the conversation positively; things may turn
ugly. Moreover, it may not be appropriate to have the conversation if you are
dealing with an authority figure because they possess a feeling of entitlement
and they do not take such accusation lightly.

If you are stuck with a person who portrays narcissistic traits, the best
solution is moving on and ending the relationship you have with the person.
However, if it is a family member, it is always advisable to set strict
boundaries regarding how you will relate with them in a bid to ensure that
their negative personality does not drain you or eat you up. Do not allow
narcissists to gaslight you simply because you are overly emotional. It is
important for empaths to recognize the reality on the ground to ensure that
they are not being taken for granted by narcissistic partners or family
members as well as to ensure that they maintain their peace of mind. Also,
since empaths are prone to absorbing other people’s emotions, it is common
for them to try and fix people. Note that you are not a teacher or therapist,
and the only thing you can do with a narcissist is to make them understand
that they portray narcissistic traits. The next step would be protecting
yourself from narcissists by making their behavior less harmful to you. Here
is how to achieve this;

Getting Help
Once you determine that you are in a relationship with a narcissistic person, it
is advisable to seek help from professionals. By default, being with a
narcissistic person will tear you down because they constantly berate you by
pointing out your faults. Therefore, you unconsciously focus all your energy
on doing what is right by them in order to gain their approval. As such, self-
improvement is the best tool for a person dealing with a narcissistic partner or
relative. They need strength to cope with the narcissists or end the narcissistic
relationships.

Self-Care
Note that confronting a narcissist directly is compared to getting into a battle
and it is a good example of tough love should you choose to stick by their
side. Therefore, the first step towards coping with a narcissist is investing in
strength training in order to empower yourself and develop the self-
confidence you require to ensure that you do not break down from dealing
with a narcissist. It is also important to ensure that you have a strong support
system that is mainly made up of trusted friends and family members whom
you can count on. They act as your army that understands the type of abuse
you face and they offer undivided support despite the decision you make,
whether to leave or stay. Note that it is important not to take what narcissists
say to heart because, in most cases, they are wounded and they try to reflect
their self-loathing and self-doubt back to you.

Gain Independence
Empaths who find themselves in relationships with narcissistic partners
should ensure that they have some independence in the form of money and
reliable living arrangements in case they choose to leave their partners.
Having the ability to take care of yourself and settle your bills without
depending on your partner takes crucial power away from the narcissist.
However, once a narcissist realizes that they no longer have their control and
power over their partners like before, they may attempt to make their lives
miserable by destroying their reputation or faking remorse with the aim of
luring them back to the relationship. Note that a narcissist understands that
empaths are highly emotional and will, therefore, fake or lie about being in a
fix in order to gain sympathy from their empathetic partners and get them
back.
Confronting a Narcissist
It is advisable to portray genuine concern when confronting a narcissist. Point
out that you have noted their suffering and would like to assist them as
opposed to playing into their ego or being combative. However, narcissists
will always view correction as criticism, and they will not take it lightly. So,
be ready for a push back or a lash out. As an empathy, you must reflect the
amount of empathy a narcissist lacks tenfold with the aim of making them
understand that they are hurting and they need help to gain a new perspective
of things and life in general. Empathy and reflection are great tools that can
be used to combat narcissistic disorder symptoms. Ensure that they
understand that you cannot continue with the relationship if they continue
being violent and saying hurtful things to you. Make them understand that as
and empathy, you cannot thrive when around negative energy.

Have a Desire to Change

Having a desire to change means wanting to change your life and not
changing your narcissistic partner. In order for a narcissist to change, they
must have a strong desire to change their ways, which is not always the case.
In most cases, narcissists change because they have hit rock bottom in their
career, romantic relationships, or family life. Narcissists do not have the
ability to portray introspection and that is what stops them from overcoming
their disorder.

Decide the Much You Are Willing to Take in

Empaths are drawn to narcissists because they easily fall for their lies and
exaggerated conversations. Unfortunately, they only realize that they are in a
relationship with the wrong person when it is too late. At this point, they
must decide on the much they are willing to take from the narcissist. It is
okay to stick with your narcissistic partner as you try to get them to change.
But, when there is no hope that they will change, you must ask yourself
whether you are ready to invest all your energy in a relationship without
getting anything in return. Some empaths will choose to stick and try to
change their partners. However, professionals recommend moving on as soon
as they determine that their narcissistic partners are not willing to change
because everyone deserves the best, to be loved and appreciated by their
partners as they are.
 RECOGNIZE
MANIPULATION
All of us want our requirements fulfilled, but manipulators use negative
methods. Manipulation is a way for anyone to conceal implicitly,
disappointing, and abusive power. Manipulation may seem harmless, or even
nice, or flattering as if you care most, but it actually serves as a further
explanation. Sometimes this is secret animosity, and the goal is simply
dominance if coercive tactics are used. You don't realize you're intimidated
unconsciously.

It is harder to discern what is happening if you have grown up to be exploited

because you are comfortable with the exploitation. On the surface, the
manipulator can use terms that are nice, encouraging, and rational or that
playoff your guilt or empathy, so you ignore your intuition and don't know
what to say. You may have a sense of discomfort and wrath. For instance,
codependents find it difficult, to be honest, and comfortable and coercion
may be used to find their way. Empaths also make it easy for narcissists,
borderlines, sociopaths, and others, including addiction-seekers, to abuse
them.

The most favorite armaments of the manipulators are: culpably, moaning,

comparison, cheating, denying (including reasons and rationalizations),
feigning ignorance or innocence (the "Who??" defense), shame, bullying,
manipulating, psychological games, hypocrites, "foot-in-the-door.”
Manipulators often use shame by saying, "I have done everything for you," or
by saying, "I have been constantly vulnerable and powerless.” You can
compare yourself negatively with another man, or rally imaginary allies with
his or her cause and say "all" or "all think xyz" or "don't say xyz.”

Some manipulators even deny promises or deals by starting an argument and

make you feel guilty of anything you have not done to gain sympathy and
power. This can serve to break a date, a contract, or a deal. For instance, you
can be bribed with a guarantee of a car that you have always wanted in order
to go to summer school by your parents. Parents are regularly using bribery
in order to get their children to do what they want them to do. This applies to
all issues from' Finish off your dinner and receive dessert' to' No video game
before your homework is over.’ Unfortunately, we are always sorry to take
the bribe. If you do, your self-respect is compromised.

Manipulators often make assumptions about your intentions or beliefs, and

then they react to them, as if they were true, to justify their feelings and
actions. You will behave as if you have accepted or decided something if you
do not have to ignore any feedback or opposition. The strategy of' foot-in-the-
door,' which is the actual request, is a small demand you accept, and because
you already said yes, it is harder to say no. The reversal changes your words
to mean something that you didn't want. If you object, tables are turned on by
the manipulators for them to become the injured party. They come up with
notions that you were offensive to them and it's about them and their
grievances. False concern is sometimes used in the form of warnings or
concerns about you to undermine your choices and trust.

Emotional chastisement is emotional coercion, which might include anger,

harassment, threats, embarrassment, or guilt. Shaming is a way of making
yourself depressed and insecure. It can even be complimented: "I am shocked
you can stoop that low!" A typical trick is to threaten you with threats,
indignation, charges, or awful warnings, like," You never meet anybody else
in your generation, if you leave," "the grass is not greener "or" I'm going to
die if you leave me.

Blackmailers can also frighten you using anger, so your needs and desires are
sacrificed. Occasionally they suddenly change to a happier mood if that
doesn't work. This way, you become so happy that you are ready to accept
any offer. They can also introduce something you have felt guilty or
embarrassed of from the past as a weapon for intimidation or embarrassment,
like, "I will tell xyz kids if you do xyz.” Victims of manipulators who have
certain symptoms, including borderline personality disturbances or
narcissistic disorders, are susceptible to mental fog. This acronym is for
terror, duty, and guilt, coined by Susan Forward.
The victim has to be afraid to cross over the manipulator, is obliged, and is
too guilty not to comply with his order. Shame may be used specifically with
misrepresentations and/or claims of you being' selfish' (the worst fault for
many codependents and empaths) or of' You're only thinking about yourself.'
You can say whatever you think somebody wants to hear or be loved, but
then you do what you want. That's passive aggression, too. They're evasive,
change the topic or use blame or denial (including) rather than answer a
question that could lead to confrontations. Because they find it so difficult to
say no, they can say yes, but whine about how difficult it will be to complete
whatever a person requested of them. When they are challenged, because of
their inherent guilt, it is hard for manipulators to accept liability, refuse
responsibility, and blame, or apologize for keeping the peace. Manipulators
use charm to flattery and give favor, encouragement, and caring gifts. They
have also mastered how to exploit criticism, belief, and empathy for what
they want: "How are you talking about yourself alone and never asking or
supporting me with these problems? It's a way to manipulate remorse by
behaving like a victim.

To protect their dependence, addicts routinely deny, lie, and manipulate. For
example, their partners often manipulate them by hiding or diluting their
drugs, alcohol, or conducting other secret activities with the aim of helping
the addicts. They can also lie or say half-truths to stop conflict or regulate the
actions of an addict. It can also be used to exploit passively aggressive
behavior. If you have trouble saying no, perhaps it is by missing it, being late,
or doing it halfheartedly, that you will accept things which you don't want.
Passive aggression is usually a form of hostility. Forgetting "intentionally"
easily avoids what you don't want to do, and it all gets back to your partner;
for example, you can intentionally forget to collect your partner’s clothes
from the cleaners because you find hectic. It's done unintentionally at times,
but still, a way to express wrath. Offering dessert to your dieting partner may
be a more hostile approach.

Coping with Manipulators

The first step is to understand who you are dealing with. Manipulators are
mindful of your causes. Study your tactics and learn the best protection
strategy. Create self-confidence and respect for yourself. It's your best
protection. How you respond to manipulation primarily depends on what type
of manipulation you face.
Experts suggest looking for help from a psychologist when you suspect you
or someone they know is in a deceptive or even abusive relationship. They
can also join a good support team. "People would love to hear counterpoints
somewhere from people who have been in toxic relationships. The
manipulation victims are conditioned to think it is natural. Experts advise that
you should not allow the deceptive actions to personally affect you. They
recommend using the motto,' you can observe, but you are not allowed to
absorb,'“. After all, a person is only responsible for their own emotions.

The creation of boundaries can often play a major role in preserving the
disregard for coercion. According to experts, there are lousy limits to those
who exploit. You have your own voluntary human experience, and you need
to know where you start and where you begin the other guy. Manipulators
often have constraints too rigid and cross boundaries. Unfortunately,
manipulative people are present in different areas of life. You can face them
at work if they take credit for your successes or if they are dominated,
aggressive and even violent in social situations.

You may be encouraged to stand up and walk away with the right words to
deal with these people. Manipulation is probably a sign of an abusive
relationship when it comes to romantic relationships, so that the best thing to
do is to go fast and far.

Mental abuse is just as damaging as physical abuse, but because there are no
physical scars, it is harder to identify psychological abuse resulting from
manipulation. Sadly, this is often understood by manipulative people and
they can take advantage of it. You know that physical violence is the
breaking point to many people, and so up to that point, you can harass and
dominate your partner through manipulation without raising suspicion.
 RECOGNIZE MIND
CONTROL
There are vulnerable factors that make one more susceptible to manipulation,
influence, and even emotional abuse in the relationship. These factors must
be looked into to avoid being drained emotionally by any external influence
more so the people in the society. However, there are some mind control
techniques which should be taken into consideration when it comes to
interpersonal relationships. Foremost, physical isolation can be used as a very
powerful mind control technique triggered to elevate some of the creative,
emotional reactions of a person. One can use this technique to influence the
outcome of an event or a situation in their favor.
In most cases, the manipulator uses this technique in an attempt to isolate you
mentally since it is somehow impossible for one to be isolated physically. On
several occasions, one will try to criticize the family members or coworkers
close to you in order to gain your attention. By doing so, they control the
information flow to and from you to deprive you of accessing vital
information that may tend to be of much importance in your life. Imagine a
situation where one can control all the information from your friends and
family. How does it sound, or how can you react to such incidents. Most
probably, they get the better part of your life and also create an avenue where
you cannot access much information leading to mind control where they can
use you to get whatever they want.
Furthermore, whenever you the word “us against them,” these terms clearly
insinuate a manipulative criticism on a person. It is human nature to be social
and have longed for belonging to a certain group. These groups tend to
identify the social circle you have and how they control all the activities
around you. Getting into a desirable social circle makes one be admired by
people around and even creates a sense of superiority. Therefore when one
claims to be better than you or better than the team you belong to, what
comes into your mind? Usually, being superior also comes with a sense of
being inferior to some factors. However, one is controllable when he or she
belongs to the weak team. The weak team makes them miserable and liable to
any ridicule that may come their way. Besides, the vulnerability created by
the group is much intense than being alone. When you are alone, you stand
alone and not liable to anyone's mistake or inferiority. It is like belonging to a
certain village or community known for a given omen in society. Whenever
you try to prove that you are not the one or you do not do what your
community does, there will always be a criticism that you are lying.
Therefore, when such issues arise, you feel lucky to be associated with the
current regime, thus neglecting your social beliefs and norms, which truly
define who you are or where you belong. In this case, one is submissive to
criticism and manipulation of the mind.
Typically, social proof and peer pressure have been used by a group to
brainwash newcomers. The social proof and identity usually prove to be the
basis for influencing people into the other way of thinking. When you are
new in a given place, the sense of being wanted or accepted by the existing
group of people tend to take a better part of your thinking. It makes one feel
that they should belong to that group in order to make them feel great. The
feelings are so great that one gets to belong to that group. The social pressure
in this situation is that one does not want to be isolated. Thus, the urge to
accept any manipulative request cannot be denied. For instance, one will say
that “what do I have to lose after all I am desperate for company.” The
feeling of belonging or being a member of a given influential group can
influence the perspective of how one looks at things. Characteristically, it
works well when an individual is not sure of what to think of or what to do
when faced with a certain situation. Moreover, one is likely to be influenced
by the forces around, making them do what others are doing even without
realizing that what they are doing is not right. As long as they do it in a
group, they do not care about the consequences of their actions.
The fear of alienation can make one do what they did not intend to do in the
first place. They get manipulated by the warm welcome they get from new
friends, which usually make them feel welcome in undesirable groups
through mind manipulation. In such circumstances, they submit to what they
are told and do the following group objectives. Later on, they get held in such
powerful groups with nothing to do but follow the instructions given.
Nevertheless, they are subjected to group goals and objectives through the
initial commitment they made before knowing the true motive of such
settings. In an attempt to get out, they are manipulated by the group members
through the bad things they had committed or what they did to oppress others
while in the group. Mind manipulation these people are subjected to make
them vulnerable, and since they have known secrete of the group, chances of
letting them go is very slim, thus constricting more fear into them.
Moreover, they are always afraid of the world around them thus infusing
more fear of leaving. The fear of alienation is much dangerous, it makes one
stick to what they are not proud of, and friends they are not happy around. It
makes life more suffocating when they think of leaving to pursue other goals.
For instance, an employee in a given organization may fear to pursue other
careers which may be of many benefits, but due to fear of alienation, they
ought to stay in an unsatisfying environment with colleagues even though
they are not happy about such situations.
Additionally, constant repetition can prove to be a powerful mind influencer.
Though it may seem much simple and ineffective to some people, it usually
implicates how we think, how we act out of a given event, and the life paths
we take to make a decision. When one repeats a certain message over and
over, the message becomes implanted in the mind making it influence how
we think. For instance, if you keep on telling a child that he or she is stupid,
the word stupid will tend to hummer his head making him believe that what
you are saying is true even if they are not stupid. Any slight mistake will
always be associated with the word stupid, thus draining their eagerness to
learn new things. Adults are not exceptional; in a given event that you tell an
adult that they are incapable of achieving a certain result, they will live all
their lives knowing that they cannot achieve it. Therefore, the repetitive
manipulation technique is much dangerous, and it makes people submissive
to what they are not in order to rhyme society demand. When this technique
is combined with the social proof, it delivers undesirable results on a person
subjected to it due to its great impact on the character and reasoning of a
person. Besides, the existence of affirmation validates the existence of
repetition technique on mind manipulation.
Furthermore, fatigue and mental tiredness resulting from physically derailed.
Such makes one susceptible to persuasion and influence. Most people will
always take advantage of empaths fatigue, which may be as a result of being
burdened by other people’s stress and problems. Taking advantage of these
people usually results in poor decision making out of tiredness. Therefore, the
likelihood of being submissive to avoid more arguments and undesirable
commotion make the influence easy. In other instances, individuals who had
lost sleep for quite a while tend to be more susceptible to manipulation from
alert counterparts who had enjoyed enough sleep. According to research, lack
of sleep makes one lose concentration, and the focus is required in every
decision-making situation. When one has not slept for a while, there are
always chances of getting undesirable results in a test.
Ultimately, the manipulators always seek a chance to re-define someone’s
identity. In most cases, they give the impression that you are not perfect the
way you are, and there is a need to be or behave in a certain way conforming
to their set norms. Following such orders usually prove that you cannot think
on your own, and they are permitted to take control of your life. Most
probably, they will attempt to extract a confession from you to prove that
they are doing the right thing, and there is a need to follow their counsel in
order to become a better person. Initially, it may seem insignificance due to
the level of impact which has not taken a better part of you, but with time, the
likelihood of conforming to the group becomes more intense.
 CONCLUSION
Thank you for making it through to the end of Empath, let’s hope it was
informative and able to provide you with all of the tools you need to achieve
your goals whatever they may be.

The next step is to ensure that you protect yourself from manipulation, mind
control and narcissistic partners if you are an empathy. In addition, you have
the obligation of helping your empathetic friends or family members who
may be going through manipulation unknowingly due to their sensitive
nature. This book explains in detail how empathy can identify narcissists,
mind controllers, and manipulators in order to protect themselves from their
exploitation. As the saying goes, “protection is better than cure.” Therefore, it
will always be easy for an empathetic person to cope with manipulators, mind
controllers, and narcissists if they understand the tale-tell signs to watch out
for.

Additionally, some people fall under the empaths bracket but they may not be
aware of it. Therefore, they are taken advantage of by manipulators and mind
controllers who have mastered the art of tapping into empaths emotions and
get them to do as they please. Being an empath is not a bad thing and in fact,
it can be very fulfilling especially if you love assisting people and being
around people. However, it has a major downside, which is being easily
gullible. To avoid exploitation, empaths must set strict boundaries bout how
they relate with the people around them especially those who portray signs of
being narcissists, mind controllers, and manipulators.

It all starts with recognizing that you are an empath and evaluating the
relationships you have to determine whether they are beneficial to both you
and your partner, or they are simply one-sided where you have to always go
the extra mile to ensure that the relationship remains strong. In the event
where you realize that you are under control by a narcissist, mind controller,
or manipulator, you should consider seeking professional assistance to ensure
that your emotions are in check as you plan your next move, which in most
cases may be ending the relationship and moving on. This is because most
narcissists, manipulators, and mind controllers are never ready to accept that
they have a problem or change their ways in order to make things work. They
always feel entitled and do not believe in making sacrifices for other people
unless they are to benefit directly from a situation.

The research on how empathetic people should protect themselves from

manipulation, mind control, and narcissism should not end here. It is up to
you to read more and research on the topic in order to ensure that you are
fully conversant with the different aspects that affect empaths as well as how
to deal with them.

Finally, if you found this book useful in any way, a review on Amazon is
always appreciated!