Campfire Creeps – Medieval Worm-Knights

- Handkerchief soaked with married women’s tears as signs of love.

- ‘Blue blood’ – literal meaning?
- Knights never went out of their castle without armour????
- Knights’ servants have to pour water inside the suits. This was apparently due to it being
impossible for knights to go to the bathroom in their suits.
- Did they always stay hidden in their castles?
- Servants were disallowed from seeing their masters outside their armour, apparently. If they
touched their master they were to be executed immediately.
- They had to eat through their armour.
- Some of them slept in armour.
- Knights would fight each other for days non-stop. The loser would have a sword placed into
a specific bit in their armour. They could continue fighting without heads apparently.
- The servants of a knight defeated in battle would immediately be handed over to the victor.
The same would go for their castle.
- The legs of suits of armour were very thin.
- Lower parts of legs didn’t have any real way to put their feet in. No straps?
- 5,000 suits of armour are housed in museums across the world?

CLAIMS I MAKE

Page One

Hello folks. I thought that I would offer up something truly unique for all those that have chosen to
stick around for the second upload. This is the weirdest and yet somehow most awesome conspiracy
theory that I’ve ever heard: Could medieval knights have actually been non-human beings using their
armour as exoskeletons?

The short answer is no. The longer answer is still no – but today I’m going to be explaining where this
absurd idea came from and just what the arguments for it are, as well as showing beyond a shadow
of a doubt that these arguments fall apart when examined closely. But first, I shall present you with
the full history of this argument as well as repeating the argument itself at face value. Please excuse
the slew of pseudohistory that is about to come.

Page Two

This theory originally comes from LiveJournal. Specifically, a poster by the name of Mihail1704.
Mihail raises several interesting points about the possible inhumanity of medieval knights – among
which are the facts that they apparently were never to be seen outside their suits of armour, even
sometimes sleeping in them. Some knights would’ve eaten through their visors as well! They also
rarely left their castles, and would demand to have married women as their mistresses. These
mistresses would never physically come into contact with the knights, and would instead only
present them with handkerchiefs used to wipe their maidenly tears. How romantic. Perhaps
inhuman creatures were using this salty secretion as a source of food? Or maybe – just maybe – as
Mihail suggests – could these tears have been genetic samples used by the creatures to create
human clones? Also, one need only look at the shapes of some of the helmets and armours used by
the knights to see that it must surely have been impossible for a human to wear them and still
function in battle.

Page Three

There is a bizarre statue to be found in one of the Medici Chapels in Florence, Italy. It is unclear to
me who exactly created it, but it seems to be a real, ancient sculpture. It depicts a humanoid torso
seemingly clad in a breastplate of the cuirass variety. However, instead of a head – it appears to
have a small worm-like creature poking up from its neck. Could this have been the true form of a
medieval knight outside of their armour?

Obviously we’re not talking here about all knights being inhuman – just some of them. We know the
faces and identities of quite a few knights, and Mihail proposes that the knights who wore full
armour were inhuman while those in relatively more revealing suits were not. Also, it is interesting
to note is that knights were almost always of noble birth, and the term ‘blue blood’ has been used to
denote someone of noble birth. What if these worm-like creatures inside steel exoskeletons literally
had blue blood like that of horseshoe crabs?

Page Four

As well as the statues in the Medici Chapels, there is this rather horrifying display which allegedly
depicts the King and Queen of Portugal from some point in history. There is no information I have
been able to find about the provenance of this statue or indeed if it is a real historical artefact, but if
it is then perhaps it’s yet more evidence that the knights and rulers of the Middle Ages were in fact
inhuman? Looking at the scales on the back of the coiled snake-like creatures on this statue, I
wouldn’t blame you if you thought of a dragon.

Let’s recontextualise legends of knights fighting dragons, shall we? Dragons kidnap maidens, while
these beings in knights’ armour exercise restraint and only feed off the tears on the handkerchiefs.
Perhaps these ‘dragons’ were rogue members of the same species as the knights, and knights had to
kill them to prevent their ghastly secret from escaping into the outside world? We can see the fusion
of knightly and draconic features all across medieval artwork – such as in the case of the Zitiron of
maritime folklore, as well as the Sea-Knights found scattered all across the margins of various
manuscripts. This one, for example, is from the 1480 Book of Hours of William, Lord Hastings.

Page Five

How would these knights have gone to the toilet inside these suits? Suits like this one* clearly have
no way for them to be removed in times of need. No, according to Mihail – servants would pour
water into their master’s suits to clean them. This seems highly ineffective. Like – great, now you’re
stuck inside a metal suit with your own urine and a load of freezing water. Mihail then even suggests
that knights may have been dried out on fires. This seems wholly unfeasible, and so why the thing
with the water? Perhaps the worm-like creatures living inside the steel armour needed moist
environments to survive. Seems reasonable to me…

It’s also intriguing (and disturbing in this context) to note that servants were disallowed from ever
seeing or touching their masters outside of their suits. It was almost as if these worm-like creatures
were trying to cover up their nonhuman nature. I wonder if there are any accounts of knights being
unable to talk? Speaking of – the descriptions given of knights in combat are positively bizarre.
These… beings supposedly fought for days on end, not even stopping if one of their heads was cut
off. A knight could only be killed if its opponent stuck his sword down into the neck region of the
armour. This definitely points towards knights being worm-like beings instead of humans. Also
interesting is that the servants of a defeated knight would immediately transfer to the victor.

Page Seven

Confused? Disturbed? Have I just horrified any historians listening?

Let me explain. That was a thought experiment. For a start, the armour on the right of the screen
was not intended to be used in combat as you might think of it. Rather, you are looking at what’s
called Frog-Mouth Helm. These would’ve been worn by mounted knights for jousting tournaments in
which they would’ve been leaning forward on their horses. This angled position meant that they
would’ve been able to see through the slit-like ‘mouth’ of their helmets.

What you’re looking at on the left is Gothic Plate Armour – a type of armour made from articulated
steel plates. It would’ve been made in the Holy Roman Empire during the 15 th Century. Suits like
these would’ve weighed between 15-25kg, and seeing as this weight was evenly spread out through
the body, the knight within it remained quite agile – and could even jump! The bizarre spiked shoes
shown on this suit might imply that this specific suit was used for jousting as opposed to actual
combat. As should be clear by now, jousting armour and combat armour was very different – and
conflating one with the other results in all sorts of funky misconceptions.

Page Eight

Some of the other claims I just made to paraphrase our good friend Mihail are blatantly untrue.
Knights would’ve put their suits (or at least some types of suits) on one piece by one piece, allowing
for them to simply be taken off in the same way for them to go to the bathroom. This specific suit of
armour is what’s called Tonlet Armour, and it actually belonged to Henry VIII himself who used it for
jousting. This is one of the rare examples of armour which couldn’t be taken off easily, but jousting
armour was designed this way because of the lack of required mobility in the activity of jousting. The
thing about the water being poured into the armour to clean it is findable nowhere else except the
LiveJournal post. Although absence of evidence isn’t evidence of absence, absence of a source is a
pretty good indication of absence. The same thing goes for knights sleeping in their armour and
never emerging from their castles without it on. There are also no sources for knights fighting for
days or for them being able to continue fighting without heads. It’s just not true.

Page Nine

The term ‘Blue Blood’ does not, in fact, come from the nobility being sapphire-sanguineous slugs,
but rather from the Moorish occupation of Spain in the 700s. Moors originally came from Northwest
Africa, and so had darker skin than the residents of Spain at the time. Under Moorish occupation,
the Spanish grew to hate the Moors’ darker skin, and endeavoured to stay out of sunlight as much as
possible so that they didn’t acquire tans. This resulted in their blue veins becoming much more
pronounced. The Spanish nobility’s veiny appearance impressed those who saw them, and thus
nobles became known as blue bloods. This term has since filtered out all across the English-speaking
world and lost its original, historical connotations. Also, terribly sorry to disappoint – but the Zitiron
was a mistaken interpretation of a badly-described turtle. An sea creature with a shell turned into
the ‘knight of the sea’.

Page Ten

And so finally, we go back to the statues in the Medici Chapel. What do these statues depict if I have
all the answers? The answer is… I don’t know. I can just tell you that it’s extremely unlikely to have
been the true forms of invertebrates occupying metal exoskeletons. There are still mysteries in this
world, but the Knights of Worm Table is not one of them.

Sources

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Warrior-Race-History-British-Abacus/dp/0349114862

https://www.bitchute.com/video/I5cVzV3Br2ZK/

https://historum.com/threads/the-medieval-renaissance-image-thread.92897/page-11

https://web.archive.org/web/20180103041801/https://pro-vladimir.livejournal.com/265941.html

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=40P8bqA0eHg&feature=emb_rel_pause

https://www.bl.uk/medieval-literature/articles/love-and-chivalry-in-the-middle-ages

https://www.historyextra.com/period/medieval/love-and-marriage-in-medieval-england/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plate_armour#Jousting

https://imgur.com/gallery/SPeXU1o/comment/371690661

https://www.dailysabah.com/feature/2016/02/19/handkerchiefs-the-secret-language-of-love

https://www.reddit.com/r/history/comments/397twq/were_knights_a_form_of_nobility/

https://www.abdn.ac.uk/sll/disciplines/english/lion/combat.shtml

*This belonged to Henry VIII and was called Tonlet Armour