The Developmental

Psychology of
Psychopathology
1st EDITION

Sam Vaknin, Ph.D.

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 CONTENTS

I. The Narcissistic Parent

II. The Narcissist’s Mother
III. Born Alien
IV. Parenting – The Irrational Vocation
V. The Development of Narcissists and Schizoids
VI. Serial Killers
VII. Sex, or Gender
VIII. The Author
IX. About "After the Rain"
 The Narcissistic Parent

By: Dr. Sam Vaknin

Question:

Is there a "typical" relationship between the narcissist and

his family?

Answer:

We are all members of a few families in our lifetime: the

one that we are born to and the one(s) that we create. We
all transfer hurts, attitudes, fears, hopes and desires – a
whole emotional baggage – from the former to the latter.
The narcissist is no exception.

The narcissist has a dichotomous view of humanity:

humans are either Sources of Narcissistic Supply (and,
then, idealised and over-valued) or do not fulfil this
function (and, therefore, are valueless, devalued). The
narcissist gets all the love that he needs from himself.
From the outside he needs approval, affirmation,
admiration, adoration, attention – in other words,
externalised Ego boundary functions. He does not require
– nor does he seek – his parents' or his siblings' love, or to
be loved by his children. He casts them as the audience in
the theatre of his inflated grandiosity.
He wishes to impress them, shock them, threaten them,
infuse them with awe, inspire them, attract their attention,
subjugate them, or manipulate them. He emulates and
simulates an entire range of emotions and employs every
means to achieve these effects. He lies (narcissists are
pathological liars – their very self is a false one). He plays
the pitiful, or, its opposite, the resilient and reliable. He
stuns and shines with outstanding intellectual, or physical
(or anything else appreciated by the members of the
family) capacities and achievements. When confronted
with (younger) siblings or with his own children, the
narcissist is likely to react in three phases:

At first, he perceives his offspring as a threat to his

Narcissistic Supply Sources (his turf, the Pathological
Narcissistic Space). He does his best to belittle them, hurt
(also physically) and humiliate them and then, when these
reactions prove ineffective or counter productive, he
retreats into an imaginary world of omnipotence. A period
of emotional absence and detachment ensues. The
narcissist indulges himself in daydreaming, delusions of
grandeur, planning of future coups, nostalgia and hurt (the
Lost Paradise Syndrome). The narcissist reacts this way to
the birth of his children or to the introduction of new foci
of attention to the family cell (even to a new pet!).
Whatever the narcissist perceives to be competition for
scarce Narcissistic Supply is relegated to the role of the
enemy. Where the uninhibited expression of the
aggression and hostility aroused by this predicament is
considered illegitimate – the narcissist prefers to stay
away. He disconnects, detaches himself emotionally,
becomes cold and disinterested, directs transformed anger
at his mate or at his parents (the more legitimate targets).
Other narcissists see the opportunity in the "mishap". They
seek to manipulate their parents (or their mate) by "taking
over" the newcomer. Such narcissists monopolise their
siblings or their newborn children. This way, indirectly,
the narcissist basks in the attention directed at the infants.
An example: by being closely identified with his
offspring, a narcissistic father secures the grateful
admiration of the mother ("What an outstanding father he
is"). He also assumes part of or all the credit for
baby's/sibling's achievements. This is a process of
annexation and assimilation of the other, a strategy that
the narcissist makes use of in most of his relationships.

As the baby/sibling grows older, the narcissist begins to

see their potential to be edifying, reliable and satisfactory
Sources of Narcissistic Supply. His attitude, then, is
completely transformed. The former threats have now
become promising potentials. He cultivates those whom
he trusts to be the most rewarding. He encourages them to
idolise him, to adore him, to be awed by him, to admire
his deeds and capabilities, to learn to blindly trust and
obey him, in short to surrender to his charisma and to
become submerged in his folies-de-grandeur. These roles
– allocated to them explicitly and demandingly or
implicitly and perniciously by the narcissist – are best
fulfilled by ones whose mind is not fully formed and
independent. The older the siblings or offspring, the more
they become critical, even judgemental, of the narcissist.
They are better able to put into context and perspective his
actions, to question his motives, to anticipate his moves.
They refuse to continue to play the mindless pawns in his
chess game.
They hold grudges against him for what he has done to
them in the past, when they were less capable of
resistance. They can gauge his true stature, talents and
achievements – which, usually, lag far behind the claims
that he makes.

This brings the narcissist a full cycle back to the first

phase. Again, he perceives his siblings or sons/daughters
as threats. He quickly becomes disillusioned and
devaluing. He loses all interest, becomes emotionally
remote, absent and cold, rejects any effort to communicate
with him, citing life pressures and the preciousness and
scarceness of his time. He feels burdened, cornered,
besieged, suffocated, and claustrophobic. He wants to get
away, to abandon his commitments to people who have
become totally useless (or even damaging) to him. He
does not understand why he has to support them, to suffer
their company and he believes himself to have been
trapped. He rebels either passively-aggressively (by
refusing to act or intentionally sabotaging the
relationships) or actively (by being overly critical,
aggressive, unpleasant, verbally and psychologically
abusive and so on). Slowly – to justify his acts to himself
– he gets immersed in conspiracy theories with clear
paranoid hues. To his mind, the members of the family
conspire against him, seek to belittle or humiliate or
subordinate him, do not understand him, stymie his
growth. The narcissist usually finally gets what he wants
and the family that he has created disintegrates to his great
sorrow (due to the loss of the Narcissistic Space) – but
also to his great relief and surprise (how could they have
let go someone as unique as he?).
This is the cycle: the narcissist feels threatened by arrival
of new family members – assimilation of siblings or
offspring – obtaining Narcissistic Supply from them –
overvaluation of these new sources by the narcissist – as
sources grow older and independent, they adopt anti
narcissistic behaviours – the narcissist devalues them – the
narcissist feels stifled and trapped – the narcissist becomes
paranoid – the narcissist rebels and the family
disintegrates. This cycle characterises not only the family
life of the narcissist. It is to be found in other realms of his
life (his career, for instance). At work, the narcissist,
initially, feels threatened (no one knows him, he is a
nobody). Then, he develops a circle of admirers, cronies
and friends which he "nurtures and cultivates" in order to
obtain Narcissistic Supply from them. He overvalues them
(they are the brightest, the most loyal, with the biggest
chances to climb the corporate ladder and other
superlatives).

But following some anti-narcissistic behaviours on their

part (a critical remark, a disagreement, a refusal, however
polite, all constitute such behaviours) – the narcissist
devalues all these previously over-valued individuals.
Now they are stupid, cowardly, lack ambition, skills and
talents, common (the worst expletive in the narcissist's
vocabulary), with an unspectacular career ahead of them.
The narcissist feels that he is misallocating his resources
(for instance, his time). He feels besieged and suffocated.
He rebels and erupts in a serious of self-defeating and
self-destructive behaviours, which lead to the
disintegration of his life.
Doomed to build and ruin, attach and detach, appreciate
and depreciate, the narcissist is predictable in his "death
wish". What sets him apart from other suicidal types is
that his wish is granted to him in small, tormenting doses
throughout his anguished life.
 The Narcissist's Mother

By: Dr. Sam Vaknin

A. The Loved Enemies - An Introduction

An oft-overlooked fact is that the child is not sure that it

exists. It avidly absorbs cues from its human environment.
"Am I present?", "Am I separate?", "Can I be noticed?" –
these are the questions that compete in his mind with his
need to merge, to become a part of his caregivers.
Granted, the infant (ages 0 to 2) does not engage in a
verbal formulation of these "thoughts" (which are part
cognitive, part instinctual). This nagging uncertainty is
more akin to a discomfort, like being thirsty or wet. The
infant is torn between its need to differentiate and
distinguish its SELF – and its no less urgent urge to
assimilate and integrate by being assimilated and
integrated.
"Just as we know, from the point of view of the
physiologist, that a child needs to be given certain foods,
that he needs to be protected against extreme
temperatures, and that the atmosphere he breathes has
to contain sufficient oxygen, if his body is to become
strong and resilient, so do we also know, from the point
of view of the depth-psychologist, that he requires an
empathic environment, specifically, an environment that
responds (a) to his need to have his presence confirmed
by the glow of parental pleasure and (b) to his need to
merge into the reassuring calmness of the powerful
adult, if he is to acquire a firm and resilient self."
(J. D. Levine and Rona H. Weiss. The Dynamics and
Treatment of Alcoholism. Jason Aronson, 1994)

The child's nascent self must first overcome its feelings of

diffusiveness, of being an extension of its caregivers (to
include parents, in this text), or a part of them. Kohut says
that parents perform the functions of the self for their
child. More likely, a battle is joined from the first breath
of the child: a battle to gain autonomy, to usurp the power
of the parents, to become a distinct unit. The child refuses
to let the parents serve as its self. It rebels and seeks to
depose them and take over their functions. The better the
parents serve as self-objects (in lieu of the child's self) –
the stronger the child's self becomes, the more vigorously
it fights for its independence. The parents, in this sense,
are like a benign, benevolent and enlightened colonial
power, which performs the tasks of governance on behalf
of the uneducated and uninitiated natives. The more
lenient the colonial regime – the more likely it is to be
supplanted by an indigenous government.
"The crucial question then is whether the parents are
able to reflect with approval at least some of the child's
proudly exhibited attributes and functions, whether they
are able to respond with genuine enjoyment to his
budding skills, whether they are able to remain in touch
with him throughout his trials and errors. And,
furthermore, we must determine whether they are able
to provide the child with a reliable embodiment of
calmness and strength into which he can merge and
with a focus for his need to find a target for his
admiration. Or, stated in the obverse, it will be of crucial
importance to ascertain the fact that a child could find
neither confirmation of his own worth-whileness nor a
target for a merger with the idealised strength of the
parent and that he, therefore, remained deprived of the
opportunity for the gradual transformation of these
external sources of narcissistic sustenance into
endopsychic resources, that is, specifically into
sustaining self-esteem and into a sustaining relationship
to internal ideals." [Ibid.]
B. The Narcissistic Personality

"When the habitual narcissistic gratifications that come

from being adored, given special treatment, and
admiring the self are threatened, the results may be
depression, hypochondriasis, anxiety, shame, self-
destructiveness, or rage directed toward any other
person who can be blamed for the troubled situation.
The child can learn to avoid these painful emotional
states by acquiring a narcissistic mode of information
processing. Such learning may be by trial-and-error
methods, or it may be internalised by identification with
parental modes of dealing with stressful information."
(Jon Mardi Horowitz. Stress Response Syndromes: PTSD,
Grief and Adjustment Disorders. Third edition. New
York, NY University Press, 1998)

Narcissism is fundamentally an evolved version of the

splitting defence mechanism. The narcissist cannot regard
humans, situations, entities (political parties, countries,
races, his workplace) as a compound of good and bad
elements. He is an "all or nothing" primitive "machine" (a
common metaphor among narcissists). He either idealises
his object – or devalues it. The object is either all good or
all bad. The bad attributes are always projected, displaced,
or otherwise externalised. The good ones are internalised
in order to support the inflated ("grandiose") self-concepts
of the narcissist and his grandiose fantasies – and to avoid
the pain of deflation and disillusionment.
The narcissist's earnestness and his (apparent) sincerity
make people wonder whether he is simply detached from
reality, unable to appraise it properly – or willingly and
knowingly distorts reality and reinterprets it, subjecting it
to his self-imposed censorship. I believe that the narcissist
is dimly aware of the implausibility of his own
constructions. He has not lost touch with reality. He is just
less scrupulous in remoulding it and in ignoring the
uncomfortable angles.

"The disguises are accomplished by shifting meanings

and using exaggeration and minimisation of bits of
reality as a nidus for fantasy elaboration. The
narcissistic personality is especially vulnerable to
regression to damaged or defective self-concepts on the
occasions of loss of those who have functioned as self-
objects. When the individual is faced with such stress
events as criticism, withdrawal of praise, or humiliation,
the information involved may be denied, disavowed,
negated, or shifted in meaning to prevent a reactive state
of rage, depression, or shame." [Ibid.]

The second mechanism which the narcissist employees is

the active pursuit of Narcissistic Supply. The narcissist
actively seeks to furnish himself with an endless supply of
admiration, adulation, affirmation and attention. As
opposed to common opinion (which infiltrated literature)
– the narcissist is content to have ANY kind of attention.
If fame cannot be had – notoriety would do. The narcissist
is obsessed with the obtaining of Narcissistic Supply, he is
addicted to it. His behaviour in its pursuit is impulsive and
compulsive.
"The hazard is not simply guilt because ideals have not
been met. Rather, any loss of a good and coherent self-
feeling is associated with intensely experienced emotions
such as shame and depression, plus an anguished sense
of helplessness and disorientation. To prevent this state,
the narcissistic personality slides the meanings of events
in order to place the self in a better light. What is good is
labelled as being of the self (internalised) Those
qualities that are undesirable are excluded from the self
by denial of their existence, disavowal of related
attitudes, externalisation, and negation of recent self-
expressions. Persons who function as accessories to the
self may also be idealised by exaggeration of their
attributes. Those who counter the self are depreciated;
ambiguous attributions of blame and a tendency to self-
righteous rage states are a conspicuous aspect of this
pattern.

Such fluid shifts in meanings permit the narcissistic

personality to maintain apparent logical consistency
while minimising evil or weakness and exaggerating
innocence or control. As part of these manoeuvres, the
narcissistic personality may assume attitudes of
contemptuous superiority toward others, emotional
coldness, or even desperately charming approaches to
idealised figures." [Ibid.]
Freud versus Jung

Freud must be credited with the promulgation and

presentation of a first coherent theory of narcissism. He
described transitions from subject-directed libido to
object-directed libido through the intermediation and
agency of the parents. To be healthy and functional, the
transitions must be smooth and unperturbed. Neuroses are
the results of such perturbations.

Freud conceived of each stage as the default (or fallback)

of the next one. Thus, if a child reaches out to his objects
of desire and fails to attract their love and attention – it
regresses to the previous phase, to the narcissistic phase.
The first occurrence of narcissism is adaptive. It "trains"
the child to love an object, albeit merely his self. It secures
gratification through the availability, predictability and
permanence of the loved object (=oneself). But regressing
to "secondary narcissism" is mal-adaptive. It is an
indication of failure to direct the libido to the "right"
targets (to objects, such as his parents).

If this pattern of regression persists and prevails, a

narcissistic neurosis is formed. The narcissist stimulates
his self habitually in order to derive pleasure and
gratification. He prefers this mode of deriving
gratification to others. He is "lazy" because he takes the
"easy" route of resorting to his self and reinvesting his
libidinal resources "in-house" rather than making an effort
(and risking failure) to seek out libidinal objects other
than his self. The narcissist prefers fantasyland to reality,
grandiose self-conception to realistic appraisal,
masturbation and fantasies to mature adult sex and
daydreaming to real life achievements.

Jung had a mental picture of the psyche as a giant

warehouse of archetypes (the conscious representations of
adaptive behaviours). Fantasies to him are just a way of
accessing these archetypes and releasing them. Almost ex
definitio, regression cannot be entertained by Jungian
psychology. Any reversion to earlier phases of mental life,
to earlier coping strategies, to earlier choices – in other
words, any default – is interpreted as simply the psyche's
way of using yet another, hitherto untapped, adaptation
strategy. Regressions are compensatory processes
intended to enhance adaptation and not methods of
obtaining or securing a steady flow of gratification.

It would seem, though, that there is only a semantic

difference between Freud and his disciple turned-heretic.
When libido investment in objects (esp. the Primary
Object) fails to produce gratification, maladaptation
results. This is dangerous. A default option is activated:
secondary narcissism. This default enhances adaptation, it
is functional and adaptive and triggers adaptive
behaviours. As a by-product, it secures gratification. We
are gratified when we exert reasonable control over our
environment, i.e., when our behaviours are adaptive. The
compensatory process has TWO results: enhanced
adaptation and inevitable gratification.

Perhaps the more serious disagreement between Freud and

Jung is with regards to introversion. Freud regards
introversion as an instrument in the service of a pathology
(introversion is indispensable to narcissism, as opposed to
extroversion which is a necessary condition for libidinal
object-orientation).
As opposed to Freud, Jung regards introversion as a useful
tool in the service of the psychic quest for adaptation
strategies (narcissism being one of them). The Jungian
adaptation repertoire does not discriminate against
narcissism. To Jung it is as legitimate a choice as any. But
even Jung acknowledged that the very need to look for a
new adaptation strategy means that adaptation has failed.
In other words, the search itself is indicative of a
pathological state of affairs. It does seem that introversion
per se IS NOT pathological (because no psychological
mechanism is pathological PER SE). Only the use made
of it CAN be pathological. One would tend to agree with
Freud, though, that when introversion becomes a
permanent feature of the psychic landscape of a person – it
facilitates pathological narcissism.

Jung distinguished introverts (who habitually concentrate

on their selves rather than on outside objects) from
extroverts (the converse preference). According to him,
not only is introversion a totally normal and natural
function, it remains normal and natural even if it
predominates the mental life.

This is where, to my mind, Jung missed the proverbial

"narcissistic train". The habitual and predominant
focussing of attention upon one's self, to the exclusion of
others is THE definition of pathological narcissism. What
differentiates the pathological from the normal and even
the welcome is, of course, degree. Pathological narcissism
is ex-clusive and all-pervasive. Other forms of narcissism
are not. So, although there is no healthy state of habitual,
predominant introversion, it remains a question of form
and degree of introversion. Often a healthy, adaptive
mechanism goes awry. When it does, as Jung himself
recognised, neuroses form.

Freud regards narcissism as a POINT while Jung regards

it as a CONTINUUM (from health to sickness).

Kohut's Approach

In a way, Kohut took Jung a step further. He said that

pathological narcissism is not the result of excessive
narcissism, libido or aggression. It is the result of
defective, deformed or incomplete narcissistic (self)
structures. Kohut postulated the existence of core
constructs which he named: the "grandiose exhibitionistic
self" and the "idealised parent imago" [see below].
Children entertain notions of greatness (primitive or naive
grandiosity) mingled with magical thinking, feelings of
omnipotence and omniscience and a belief in their
immunity to the consequences of their actions. These
elements and the child's feelings regarding its parents
(who are also painted by it with a brush of omnipotence
and grandiosity) – coagulate and form these constructs.

The child's feelings towards its parents are reactions to

their responses (affirmation, buffering, modulation or
disapproval, punishment, even abuse). These responses
help maintain the self-structures. Without the appropriate
responses, grandiosity, for instance, cannot be transformed
into adult ambitions and ideals.
So, to Kohut, grandiosity and idealisation are positive
childhood development mechanisms. Even their
reappearance in transference should not be considered a
pathological narcissistic regression.
"You see, the actual issue is really a simple one … a
simple change in classical [Freudian] theory, which
states that autoeroticism develops into narcissism and
that narcissism develops into object love … there is a
contrast and opposition between narcissism and object
love. The (forward) movement toward maturation was
toward object love. The movement from object love
toward narcissism is a (backward) regressive movement
toward a fixation point. To my mind (this) viewpoint is a
theory built into a non-scientific value judgement …
that has nothing to do with developmental psychology."
(H. Kohut. The Chicago Institute Lectures 1972-1976.
Marian and Paul Tolpin (Eds.). Analytic Press, 1998)

Kohut's contention is nothing less than revolutionary. He

says that narcissism (subject-love) and object-love coexist
and interact throughout life. True, they wear different
guises with age and maturation – but they always
cohabitate.

Kohut: "It is not that the self-experiences are given up

and replaced by … a more mature or developmentally
more advanced experience of objects." [Ibid.]

This dichotomy inevitably led to a dichotomy of disorders.

Kohut agreed with Freud that neuroses are conglomerates
of defence mechanisms, formations, symptoms, and
unconscious conflicts. He even did not object to
identifying unresolved Oedipal conflicts (ungratified
unconscious wishes and their objects) as the root of
neuroses. But he identified a whole new class of disorders:
the self-disorders. These were the result of the perturbed
development of narcissism.
It was not a cosmetic or superficial distinction. Self-
disorders were the results of childhood traumas very much
different to Freud's Oedipal, castration and other conflicts
and fears. These are the traumas of the child either not
being "seen" (that is not being affirmed by objects,
especially the Primary Objects, the parents) – or being
regarded merely as an object for gratification or abuse.
Such children develop to become adults who are not sure
that they do exist (lack a sense of self-continuity) or that
they are worth anything (lack of self-worth, or self-
esteem). They suffer depressions, as neurotics do. But the
source of these depressions is existential (a gnawing
sensation of emptiness) as opposed to the "guilty-
conscious" depressions of neurotics.

Such depressions: "…are interrupted by rages because

things are not going their way, because responses are
not forthcoming in the way they expected and needed.
Some of them may even search for conflict to relieve the
pain and intense suffering of the poorly established self,
the pain of the discontinuous, fragmenting,
undercathected self of the child not seen or responded to
as a unit of its own, not recognised as an independent
self who wants to feel like somebody, who wants to go its
own way [see Lecture 22]. They are individuals whose
disorders can be understood and treated only by taking
into consideration the formative experiences in
childhood of the total body-mind-self and its self-object
environment – for instance, the experiences of joy of the
total self feeling confirmed, which leads to pride, self-
esteem, zest, and initiative; or the experiences of shame,
loss of vitality, deadness, and depression of the self who
does not have the feeling of being included, welcomed,
and enjoyed."
(Paul and Marian Tolpin (Eds.). The Preface to the
"Chicago Institute Lectures 1972-1976 of H. Kohut",
1996)

One note: "constructs" or "structures" are permanent

psychological patterns. This is not to say that they do not
change – they are capable of slow change. Kohut and his
self-psychology disciples believed that the only viable
constructs are comprised of self self-object experiences
and that these structures are lifelong ones. Melanie Klein
believed more in archaic drives, splitting defences and
archaic internal objects and part objects. Winnicott [and
Balint and other, mainly British researchers] as well as
other ego-psychologists thought that only infantile drive
wishes and hallucinated oneness with archaic objects
qualify as structures.

Karen Horney's Contributions

Horney is one of the precursors of the "object relations"

school of psychodynamics. She said that the personality
was shaped mostly by one's environment, society, or
culture. She believed that the relationships with other
humans in one's childhood determine both the shape and
functioning of one's personality. She expanded the
psychoanalytic repertoire. She added needs to drives.
Where Freud believed in the exclusivity of the sex drive
as an agent of transformation (later he added other drives)
– Horney believed that people (children) needed to feel
secure, to be loved, protected, emotionally nourished and
so on.
She believed that the satisfaction of these needs or their
frustration early in childhood were as important a
determinant as any drive. Society came in through the
parental door. Biology converged with social injunctions
to yield human values such as the nurturance of children.

Horney's great contribution was the concept of anxiety.

Freudian anxiety was a rather primitive mechanism, a
reaction to imaginary threats arising from early childhood
sexual conflicts. Horney argued convincingly that anxiety
is a primary reaction to the very dependence of the child
on adults for his survival. Children are uncertain (of love,
protection, nourishment, nurturance) – so they become
anxious. Defences are developed to compensate for the
intolerable and gradual realisation that adults are human:
capricious, arbitrary, unpredictable, non-dependable.
Defences provide both satisfaction and a sense of security.
The problem still exists, but it is "one stage removed".
When the defences are attacked or perceived to be
attacked (such as in therapy) – anxiety is reawakened.

Karen B. Wallant in "Creating Capacity for Attachment:

Treating Addictions and the Alienated Self" [Jason
Aronson, 1999] wrote:
"The capacity to be alone develops out of the baby's
ability to hold onto the internalisation of his mother,
even during her absences. It is not just an image of
mother that he retains but also her loving devotion to
him. Thus, when alone, he can feel confident and secure
as he continues to infuse himself with her love. The
addict has had so few loving attachments in his life that
when alone he is returned to his detached, alienated self.
This feeling-state can be compared to a young child's
fear of monsters‹without a powerful other to help him,
the monsters continue to live somewhere within the
child or his environment. It is not uncommon for
patients to be found on either side of an attachment
pendulum. It is invariably easier to handle patients for
whom the transference erupts in the idealising
attachment phase than those who view the therapist as a
powerful and distrusted intruder."

So, the child learns to sacrifice a part of his autonomy, of

WHO he is, in order to feel secure. Horney identified three
NEUROTIC strategies: submission, aggression and
detachment. The choice of strategy determines the type of
personality, or rather of the NEUROTIC personality. The
submissive (or compliant) type is a fake. He hides
aggression beneath a facade of friendliness. The
aggressive type is fake as well: at heart he is submissive.
The detached neurotic withdraws from people. This
cannot be considered an adaptive strategy.
Horney's is an optimistic outlook. Because she postulated
that biology is only ONE of the forces shaping our
adulthood – culture and society being the predominant
ones – she believes in reversibility and in the power of
insight to heal. She believes that if an adult were to
understand his problem (his anxiety) – he would be able to
eliminate it altogether. My outlook is much more
pessimistic and deterministic. I think that childhood
trauma and abuse are pretty much impossible to erase.
Modern brain research tends to support this sad view –
and to offer some hope. The brain seems to be more
plastic than anyone thought. It is physically impressed
with abuse and trauma. But no one knows when this
"window of plasticity" shuts. It is conceivable that this
plasticity continues well into adulthood and that later
"reprogramming" (by loving, caring, compassionate and
empathic experiences) can remould the brain permanently.
I believe that the patient has to accept his disorder as a
given and work AROUND it rather than confront it
directly. I believe that our disorders ARE adaptive and
help us to function. Their removal may not always be wise
or necessary to attain a full and satisfactory life. I do not
believe that we should all conform to a mould and
experience life the same. Idiosyncrasies are a good thing,
both on the individual level and on the level of the
species.
C. The Issue of Separation and Individuation

It is by no means universally accepted that children go

through a phase of separation from their parents and
through the consequent individuation. Most
psychodynamic theories [especially Klein, Mahler] are
virtually constructed upon this foundation. The child is
considered to be merged with his parents until it
differentiates itself (through object-relations). But
researchers like Daniel N. Stern dispute this hypothesis.
Based on many studies it appears that, as always, what
seems intuitively right is not necessarily right. In "The
Interpersonal World of the Infant: A View from
Psychoanalysis and Developmental Psychology" [New
York, Basic Books – 1985], Stern seems to, inadvertently,
support Kohut by concluding that children possess selves
and are separate from their caregivers from the very start.
In effect, he says that the picture of the child, as depicted
by psychodynamic theories, is influenced by the way
adults see children and childhood in retrospect. Adult
disorders (for instance, the pathological need to merge)
are attributed to children and to childhood.

This view is in stark contrast to the belief that children

accept any kind of parents (even abusive) because they
depend on them for their self-definition. Attachment to
and dependence on significant others is the result of the
non-separateness of the child, go the classical
psychodynamic/object-relations theories. The self is a
construct (in a social context, some add), an assimilation
of the oft-imitated and idealised parents plus the
internalisation of the way others perceive the child in
social interactions.
The self is, therefore, an internalised reflection, an
imitation, a series of internalised idealisations. This
sounds close to pathological narcissism. Perhaps it is
really a matter of quantity rather than quality.

D. Childhood Traumas and the Development of the

Narcissistic Personality

Traumas are inevitable. They are an inseparable part of

life. But in early childhood – especially in infancy (ages 0
to 4 years) they acquire an ominous aura, an evil,
irreversible meaning. No matter how innocuous the event
and the surrounding circumstances, the child's vivid
imagination is likely to embed it in the framework of a
highly idiosyncratic horror story.

Parents sometimes have to go away due to medical or

economic conditions. They may be too preoccupied to stay
attuned at all times to the child's emotional needs. The
family unit itself may be disintegrating with looming
divorce or separation. The values of the parent may stand
in radical contrast to those of society.

To adults, such traumas are very different to abuse. Verbal

and psychological-emotional abuse or neglect are judged
by us to be more serious "offences". But this distinction is
lost on the child. To him, all traumas are of equal
standing, though their severity may differ together with
the permanence of their emotional outcomes. Moreover,
such abuse and neglect could well be the result of
circumstances beyond the abusive or negligent parent's
control. A parent can be physically or mentally
handicapped, for instance.
But the child cannot see this as a mitigating circumstance
because he cannot appreciate it or even plainly understand
the causal linkage.

Where even the child itself can tell the difference is with
physical and sexual abuse. Here is a co-operative effort at
concealment, strong emotions of shame and guilt,
repressed to the point of producing anxiety and "neurosis".
Sometimes the child perceives even the injustice of the
situation, though it rarely dares to express its views, lest it
be abandoned by its abusers. This type of trauma which
involves the child actively or passively is qualitatively
different and is bound to yield long-term effects such as
dissociation or severe personality disorders. These are
violent, premeditated traumas, not traumas by default, and
the reaction is bound to be violent and active. The child
becomes a reflection of its dysfunctional family – it
represses emotions, denies reality, resorts to violence and
escapism, disintegrates.

One of the coping strategies is to withdraw inwards, to

seek gratification from a secure, reliable and permanently-
available source: from the self. The child, fearful of
further rejection and abuse, refrains from further
interaction. Instead, it builds its own kingdom of
grandiose fantasies where it is always loved and self-
sufficient. This is the narcissistic strategy which leads to
the development of a narcissistic personality.
E. The Narcissist's Family

"For very young children, self-esteem is probably best

thought to consist of deep feelings of being loved,
accepted, and valued by significant others rather than of
feelings derived from evaluating oneself against some
external criteria, as in the case of older children.
Indeed, the only criterion appropriate for accepting and
loving a new-born or infant is that he or she has been
born. The unconditional love and acceptance
experienced in the first year or two of life lay the
foundation for later self-esteem, and probably make it
possible for the pre-schooler and older child to
withstand occasional criticism and negative evaluations
that usually accompany socialisation into the larger
community.

As children grow beyond the pre-school years, the larger

society imposes criteria and conditions upon love and
acceptance. If the very early feelings of love and
acceptance are deep enough, the child can most likely
weather the rebuffs and scoldings of the later years
without undue debilitation. With increasing age,
however, children begin to internalise criteria of self-
worth and a sense of the standards to be attained on the
criteria from the larger community they observe and in
which they are beginning to participate. The issue of
criteria of self-esteem is examined more closely below.
Cassidy's [1988] study of the relationship between self-
esteem at age five and six years and the quality of early
mother-child attachment supports Bowlby's theory that
construction of the self is derived from early daily
experience with attachment figures. The results of the
study support Bowlby's conception of the process
through which continuity in development occurs, and of
the way early child-mother attachment continues to
influence the child's conception and estimation of the
self across many years. The working models of the self
derived from early mother-child inter-action organise
and help mould the child's environment 'by seeking
particular kinds of people and by eliciting particular
behaviour from them' [Cassidy, 1988, p. 133]. Cassidy
points out that very young children have few means of
learning about themselves other than through
experience with attachment figures. She suggests that if
infants are valued and given comfort when required,
they come to feel valuable; conversely, if they are
neglected or rejected, they come to feel worthless and of
little value.
In an examination of developmental considerations,
Bednar, Wells, and Peterson [1989] suggest that feelings
of competence and the self-esteem associated with them
are enhanced in children when their parents provide an
optimum mixture of acceptance, affection, rational
limits and controls, and high expectations. In a similar
way, teachers are likely to engender positive feelings
when they provide such a combination of acceptance,
limits, and meaningful and realistic expectations
concerning behaviour and effort [Lamborn et al., 1991].
Similarly, teachers can provide contexts for such an
optimum mixture of acceptance, limits, and meaningful
effort in the course of project work as described by Katz
and Chard [1989]."

(Lilian G. Katz – Distinctions between Self-Esteem and

Narcissism: Implications for Practice – October 1993 –
ERIC/EECE Publications)

F. The Narcissist's Mother - A Suggestion for an

Integrative Framework

The whole structure of the narcissistic disorder is a

derivative of the prototypical relationship with the mother.

This "mother" usually is inconsistent and frustrating in her

behaviour. By being so, she thwarts the narcissist's ability
to trust others and to feel secure with them. By
emotionally abandoning him – she fosters in him fears of
being abandoned and the nagging sensation that the world
is a dangerous, unpredictable place. She becomes a
negative, devaluing voice, which is duly incorporated in
the Superego.

Our natural state is anxiety, the readiness – physiological

and mental – to "fight or flight". Research indicates that
the Primary Object (PO) is really the child, rather than its
mother. The child identifies itself as an object almost at
birth. It explores itself, reacts and interacts, it monitors its
bodily reactions to internal and external inputs and
stimuli. The flow of blood, the peristaltic movement, the
swallowing reflex, the texture of saliva, the experience of
excretion, being wet, thirsty, hungry or content – all these
distinguish the selfless child from its self. The child
assumes the position of observer and integrator early on.
As Kohut said, it has both a self and the ability to relate to
objects. This intimacy with a familiar and predictable
object (oneself) is a primary source of security and the
precursor to emerging narcissism. The mother is only a
Secondary Object (SO). It is the second object that the
child learns to relate to and it has the indispensable
developmental advantage of being transcendental, external
to the child. All meaningful others are Auxiliary Objects
(AO).

A "good enough" SO serves to extend the lessons of the

PO and apply them to the world at large. The child learns
that the external environment can be as predictable and
safe as the internal one. This titillating discovery leads to a
modification of naive or primitive narcissism. It recedes to
the background allowing more prominent and adaptive
strategies to the fore. In due time – and subject to an
accumulation of the right positively reinforcing
experiences, a higher form of narcissism develops: self-
love and self-esteem.
If, however, SO fails, the child reverts back to the PO and
to its correlated narcissism. This is regression in the
chronological sense. But it is an adaptive strategy. The
emotional consequences of rejection and abuse are too
difficult to contemplate. Narcissism ameliorates them by
providing a substitute object. This is an adaptive, survival-
oriented act. It provides the child with time to "come to
grips with its thoughts and feelings" and perhaps to come
back with a different strategy more suited to the new –
unpleasant and threatening – data. So the interpretation of
this regression as a failure of object love is wrong. The
SO, the object chosen as the target of object love, was the
wrong object. Object love continues with a different,
familiar, object. The child changes objects (from his
mother to his self), not his capacity for object-love or its
implementation.

If this failure to establish a proper object-relation persists

and is not alleviated, all future objects are perceived as
extensions of the Primary Object (the self), or the objects
of a merger with one's self, because they are perceived
narcissistically.

There are, therefore, two modes of object perception:

The narcissistic (all objects are perceived as variations of

the perceiving self) and the social (all objects are
perceived as others or self-objects).
As we said earlier, the core (narcissistic) self – precedes
language or interaction with others. As the core self
matures it can develop either into a True Self OR into a
False Self. The two are mutually exclusive (a person with
False Self has no functioning True Self). The distinction
of the False Self is that it perceives others narcissistically.
As opposed to it, the True Self perceives others socially.

The child constantly compares his first experience with an

object (his internalised PO) to his experience with his SO.
The internalisations of both the PO and the SO are
modified as a result of this process of comparison. The SO
is idealised and internalised to form what I call the SEGO
(loosely, the equivalent of Freud's Superego plus the
internalised outcomes of social interactions throughout
life). The internalised PO is constantly modified to be
rendered compatible with input by the SO (for example:
"You are loved", or "You are a bad boy"). This is the
process by which the Ideal Ego is created.

The internalisations of the PO, of the SO and of the

outcomes of their interactions (for instance, of the results
of the aforementioned constant comparison between them)
form what Bowlby calls "working models". These are
constantly updated representations of both the self and of
Meaningful Others (what I call Auxiliary Others). The
narcissist's working models are defective. They pertain to
his self and to ALL others. To the narcissist, ALL others
are meaningful because NO ONE has BEEN meaningful
hitherto. This forces him to resort to crude abstractions
(imagine the sheer number of working models needed).
He is forced to dehumanise, objectify, generalise, idealise,
devalue, or stereotypise in order to cope with the sheer
volume of potential interactions with meaningful objects.
In his defence against being overwhelmed, he feels so
superior, so inflated – because he is the only REAL three-
dimensional character in his life.

Moreover, the narcissist's working models are rigid and

never updated because he does not feel that he is
interacting with real objects. How can one feel empathic,
for instance, towards a representation or an abstraction or
an object of gratification?

A matrix of possible axes of interaction between child and

mother can be constructed.

The first term in each of these equations of interaction

describes the child, the second the mother.

The Mother can be:

 Accepting ("good enough");

 Domineering;

 Doting/Smothering;
  Indifferent;

 Rejecting;

 Abusive.

The Child can be:

 Attracted;

 Repelled (due to unjust mistreatment, for

instance).
The possible axes are:

Child / Mother

How to read this table:

Attraction – Attraction/Accepting means that the child is
attracted to his mother, his mother is attracted to him and
she is a Winnicottean "good enough" (accepting) mother.

1. Attraction – Attraction/Accepting
(Healthy axis, leads to self-love)

2. Attraction – Attraction/Domineering
(Could lead to personality disorders such as
avoidant, or schizoid, or to social phobia, etc.)

3. Attraction – Attraction/Doting or Smothering

(Could lead to Cluster B Personality Disorders)

4. Attraction – Repulsion/Indifferent
[passive-aggressive, frustrating]
(Could lead to narcissism, Cluster B disorders)

5. Attraction – Repulsion/Rejecting
(Could lead to personality disorders such as
paranoid, borderline, etc.)
 6. Attraction – Repulsion/Abusive
(Could lead to DID, ADHD, NPD, BPD, AHD,
AsPD, PPD, etc.)

7. Repulsion – Repulsion/Indifferent
(Could lead to avoidant, schizoid, paranoid, etc.
PDs)

8. Repulsion – Repulsion/Rejecting
(Could lead to personality, mood, anxiety
disorders and to impulsive behaviours, such as
eating disorders)

9. Repulsion – Attraction/Accepting
(Could lead to unresolved Oedipal conflicts and to
neuroses)

10. Repulsion – Attraction/Domineering

(Could have the same results as axis 6)

11. Repulsion – Attraction/Doting

(Could have the same results as axis 9)

This, of course, is a very rough draft-matrix. Many of the

axes can be combined to yield more complex clinical
pictures.
It provides an initial, coarse, map of the possible
interactions between the PO and the SO in early childhood
and the unsavoury results of bad objects internalised.

The results of this POSO matrix continue to interact with

AO to form a global self-evaluation (self-esteem or sense
of self-worth). This process – the formation of a coherent
sense of self-esteem – starts with POSO interactions
within the matrix and continues roughly till the age of 8,
all the time gathering and assimilating interactions with
AO (=meaningful others). First, a model of attachment
relationship is formed (approximately the matrix above).
This model is based on the internalisation of the Primary
Object (later, the self).
The attachment interaction with SO follows and following
a threshold quantity of interactions with AO, the more
global self is formed.

This process of the formation of a global self rests on the

operation of a few critical principles:

1. The child, as we said earlier, develops a sense of

"mother-constancy". This is crucial. If the child
cannot predict the behaviour (let alone the
presence) of his mother from one moment to
another – it would find it hard to believe in
anything, predict anything and expect anything.
Because the self, to some extent (some say: to a
large extent), is comprised of the adopted and
internalised outcomes of the interactions with
others – negative outcomes get to be incorporated
in the budding self as well as positive ones. In
other words, a child feels loveable and desirable if
it is indeed loved and wanted. If it is rejected, it is
bound to feel worthless and worthy only of
rejection. In due time, the child develops
behaviours which yield rejection by others and the
outcomes of which thus conform with his self-
perception.

2. The adoption and assimilation of the judgement of

others and its incorporation into a coherent sense
of self-worth and self-esteem.
 3. The discounting or filtering-out of contrarian
information. Once Bowlby's "working models" are
at work, they act as selective membranes. No
amount of external information to the contrary
alters these models significantly. Granted, shifts in
RELATIVE positions may and do occur in later
stages of life. A person can feel more or less
accepted, more or less competent, more or less
integrated into a given social setting. But these are
changes in the values of parameters WITHIN a set
equation (=the working model). The equation itself
is rarely altered and only by very serious life
crises.

Reprinted with permission from:

"For Want of a Better Good" (In process)

Author: Alan Challoner MA (Phil) MChS

(Attachment Theory Researcher Counsellor in Adoption

& Fostering, and associated child development issues.
MA awarded by thesis on the psychology of handicap – A
Culture of Ambiguity; 1992):

"A developmental line for narcissism has been devised

by Temeles, and it consists of twelve phases that are
characterised by a particular relationship between self-
love and object-love and occur in a precise order."
(Temeles, M.S. – A developmental line for narcissism:
The path to self-love and object love. In Cohen, Theodore,
B.; Etezady, M. Hossein; & Pacella, B.L. (Eds.) The
Vulnerable Child. Volume 1; The Vulnerable Child.
International Univ. Press; Madison, CT, USA – 1993.)

PROTO-SELF AND PROTO-OBJECT

As the infant is incapable of distinguishing either the self

or the object as adults do, this phase is marked by their
absence. However he is competent in certain attributes
particularly those that allow him to interact with his
environment. From birth his moments of pleasure, often
the instrument of infant-mother interaction, are high
points in the phase. He will try to avoid the low points of
un-pleasure by creating a bond that is marked by early
maternal intervention to restore the status quo.

BEGINNING SELF-OBJECT DIFFERENTIATION

AND OBJECT PREFERENCE

The second phase can begin as early as the third week, and
by the fourth month the infant has prescribed his favourite
individuals (apart from mother). However he is still not
really discriminating between self and subject. He is now
ready to engage in a higher state of interaction with others.
He babbles and smiles and tries to make some sense out of
his local environment. If he should fail to make the sort of
contact that he is seeking then he will turn away in a
manner that is unequivocal in its meaning. His main social
contact at this stage is by the eye, and he makes no bones
about his feelings of pleasure or displeasure.
His bond with his mother, at best, is now flowing and, if
he is fortunate, there is a mutual admiration society
established. This is not however an isolated practice for
there is a narcissistic element on both sides that is
reinforced by the strength of the attachment. His
continued development allows him to find an increasing
number of ways in which he might generate,
autonomously, personal pleasure. He finds delight in
making new sounds, or indeed doing anything that brings
him his mother's approbation. He is now almost ready to
see himself in contrast to others.

SELF-CONSTANCY AND OBJECT-CONSTANCY

The infant is now becoming able to know himself as "me",

as well as being able to know familiar others as "them".
His fraternisation with father, siblings and grandparents or
any other closely adjacent person, endows this interaction
with a tone of special recognition as "one of the gang".
This is of vital importance to him because he gains a very
special feedback from these people. They love him and
they shown their approbation for his every ploy that he
constructs in an effort to seal this knot. He is now at the
beginning of a period when he starts to feel some early
self-esteem. Again if he is lucky, he will be delighted at
being himself and in his situation. Also at this stage he can
often create a special affinity for the same-sex parent. He
throws up expansive gestures of affection, and yet can also
become totally self-absorbed in his growing confidence
that he is on a "winning streak".
AWARENESS OF AWARENESS: SELF-
CENTREDNESS

This is an extension of the third phase and he is

continuously becoming more aware of himself and is
adept at gaining the pleasures he seeks. The phase also
coincides with the beginning of the decline of maternal
feeling that he is the best thing on this earth. His activities
both positive and negative have started to draw on
maternal resources to the point where they may at times be
sapping. Thus at the beginning of the child's second year
the mother starts to realise that the time has come when
she must "shout the odds". She begins to make demands
of him and, at times, to punish him, albeit in a discrete
way. She may not now respond as quickly as she did
before, or she may not seem quite so adoring as she was
three months ago.

The most dynamic intervention that a child can have at

this time is the fear of the loss of love. He needs to be
loved so that he can still love himself. This beginning of a
time of self-reflection needs him to be aware of being
aware. It is now possible for him to be injured
narcissistically, for example, perhaps through sibling
rivalry. His relationship with his same-sex parent takes on
a new importance. It now goes beyond just a "mutuality
club". Because he is becoming aware of his limitations, he
needs to know through this relationship with the same-sex
parent, just what he may become. This allows his
narcissistic image of himself to be regularly re-polished
after any lapses that might have tarnished it.
OBJECT-CENTRED PHASE: THE FIRST
LIBIDINAL DISAPPOINTMENT

This is what has been described as the Oedipal period,

when genital and object-directed sexuality comes to the
fore. He must continue to recover whenever he receives a
blow to his self-esteem; but more, he must learn not to
over-compensate. As Temeles puts it, narcissistic supplies
from both the adored Oedipal object and also the loved
rival are threatened as the child's libidinal investments are
sporadically supplanted by negative impulses. [Idem.]

The child will refresh his relationships on a different

platform, but nevertheless maintains and is sustained by
his attachments to his parents, and other subsidiary
figures. At a time when he begins to divest himself of
some of the libidinal baggage he may enter into a new
"love affair" with a peer. The normal pattern is for these to
disintegrate when the child enters the period of latency,
and for the interregnum to be typified with a period of
sexual segregation. By now he is going to school and is
acquiring a new level of self-sufficiency that continues to
enhance his narcissism.

BEGINNING PROMINENCE OF PEER GROUPS:

NEW OBJECTS

This phase, which begins sometime in the third year, is

marked by a resolution of the Oedipal period and a
lessening of the infant ties with the parents as the child
turns his attention towards his peers and some other
special adults (such as teachers or other role models). In
some respects these new objects start to replace some of
the narcissistic supplies that he continues to gain from his
parents.

This of course has its dangers because other objects can be

notoriously fickle, especially peers. He is now at a stage
where he has journeyed into the outside world and is
vulnerable to the inconstancies of those who now are
around him in greater numbers. However all is not lost for
the world revolves in circles and the input that he requires
from others is shared by the input that they need from him.

On an individual basis therefore if he "falls out" with one

person then he very quickly will "fall in" with another.
The real potential problem here is for him to be disliked
by so many others of his peers that his self-esteem is
endangered. Sometimes this can be rectified by his
mastery of other elements; particularly if they contribute a
steady flow of narcissistic supplies. However the group-
ideal is of great significance and seems to have become
more so in recent times.

The development of a burgeoning independence together

with a sense of group recognition are both in the nature of
self-preservation issues. The parental influence, if it has
been strong and supportive and consistently streaked with
affection and love, will be the launching pad for an
adequate personality and a move towards eventual
independence.
BEGINNING PROMINENCE OF SELF-
ASSESSMENT: IMPACT ON SELF-LOVE

This pre-adolescent phase encompasses a child who still

needs the reassurance of his peers, and hereabouts his
attachments to certain individuals or groups will intensify.
The assaults on his self-esteem now come from a different
quarter.
There is an increased concentration on physical attributes,
and other comparisons will be made that might diminish
or raise his narcissistic supplies. His self-confidence can
be strained at this time, and whilst the same-sex peer is
still dominant, the opposite-sex peer starts to catch the
corner of his eye.

At this time, when he needs all the support he can gather,

he may find to his chagrin that a certain ambivalence is
coming to pass in his relationships with his parents. They
in turn are discovering a rapidly changing, not so
compliant, and more independent child. They may be
astounded by the group ideals that he has adopted, and
whilst in reality he still needs to receive from them
abundant narcissistic supplies, the affectionate ties may be
strained and the expected or desired support may be
somewhat withered.

BEGINNING SEXUAL MATURITY: IMPORTANCE

OF THE SEXUAL OBJECT

At this stage ties with parents continue to slacken, but

there is an important change taking place as the
affectionate characteristics are converging with libidinal
ones. The need to be loved is still there and the adolescent
version of narcissism begins to trail its coat. Gradually the
narcissistic element is enhanced as the subject becomes
more self-assured and develops the need to win the frank
admiration of a sexual object. Hormonal mood swings can
underlie the degree to which rejection reduces the
narcissistic supplies.
Where there is a blatant over-valuation of the self it is
often the result of a defence mechanism coming in to play
to protect the subject. Individual subjects compare
themselves with others in their group and may become
aware of either shortcomings or advantages that add to the
feelings in self-assessment. Over-inflated Ego ideals may
bring about a negative assessment, and the need arises for
young people to confront themselves with reality. A
failure to do this will result in a much more severe assault
on their narcissism later.

RESURGENCE OF MASTER ISSUES: IMPACT OF

SELF-LOVE

Having now experienced the change of love object, and

tasted the new relations that stem from it, there is a need
to resume the issues of mastery. These are no longer
childhood fantasies but are the basic requirements for a
successful future. On them depend the acquisition of a
successfully completed education, skill training and
employment. At this stage narcissistic supplies depend
upon success, and if this is not obtained legitimately then
it may be sought by other means. His culture and to some
extent his peer group will tend to dictate what the criteria
of success will be. Within some societies there is still a
gender difference here but it is reducing with time.
Temeles suggests that, If the woman's narcissistic supplies
are, in fact, more dependent on maintaining a relationship
with the libidinal object, then perhaps it reflects a greater
need to maintain more affectionate ties reminiscent of the
past. [Idem.]
When the time comes for parenthood earlier ties tend to be
reinvigorated; parents become grandparents and the cycle
begins again.

THE BALANCE BETWEEN SELF- AND OBJECT-

GENERATED NARCISSISTIC SUPPLIES

Each culture has its unit of social characteristics. These

often revolve around family, work, leisure and on the
extent to which they are successful will depend the
amount of contentment and pride that is generated. A
continuance of narcissistic supplies will continue to flow
from partners, colleagues, children, parents etc. The more
success the greater the flow; and the greater the flow the
more success can be achieved and the better the subject
will feel about life. The downside of this is when things
go wrong. We are in a situation generally where many
people have lost jobs and homes; where marriages have
broken up and children are separated from one of the
parents. This causes great stress, a diminution of self-
esteem and a loss of narcissistic supplies. This may result
in the loss of the power to sustain an effective life style
and with a continuing diminution of narcissistic supplies
the result may bring about a negative aspect to life.

ACCOMMODATION VERSUS SELF-

CENTREDNESS

The subject has now arrived at middle age. Whatever

success has been achieved it may well be that he will be at
the summit of his personal mountain, and the only way
forward is down. From here on mastery is waning and
there is a tendency to rely more and more on relationships
to supply the good feelings. The arrival of grandchildren
can herald a return to earlier mutuality and may account
for narcissistic supplies for both generations. In the long-
term the threat of, or the reality of, a reduction in physical
capacity or ill-health may play a part in the reduction of
narcissistic supplies.

SELF VERSUS OBJECT

Advancing age will develop its threat. Not only is this at a

personal and physical level, but often it is at an emotional
level. Long gone are the inter-generational family settings.
Grand parents, parents and children now not only reside in
different houses, but in different counties or even different
countries. The more one is separated and possibly alone
the more one feels threatened by mortality which is of
course the ultimate in the loss of narcissistic supplies.
When loved ones disappear it is important to try to crate
substitute associations either through re-entering into
group activities or perhaps the solitary pleasure that can be
gained from a domestic pet. Loss of the good feelings that
were present in earlier times can lead to depression. This
is countered by those who have developed a degree of
self-sufficiency and who have maintained interests that
provide a continuance of narcissistic supplies. Once any or
all of these start to disappear there enters a factor of
dissimulation, and we can no longer reconcile what we
were to what we now are. We lose our self-esteem, often
our will to live, but even though this is not consonant with
a will to die it often leads to a failure to thrive.
 Born Aliens

By: Dr. Sam Vaknin

Neonates have no psychology. If operated upon, for

instance, they are not supposed to show signs of trauma
later on in life. Birth, according to this school of thought
is of no psychological consequence to the newborn baby.
It is immeasurably more important to his "primary
caregiver" (mother) and to her supporters (read: father and
other members of the family). It is through them that the
baby is, supposedly, effected. This effect is evident in his
(I will use the male form only for convenience's sake)
ability to bond. The late Karl Sagan professed to possess
the diametrically opposed view when he compared the
process of death to that of being born. He was
commenting upon the numerous testimonies of people
brought back to life following their confirmed, clinical
death. Most of them shared an experience of traversing a
dark tunnel. A combination of soft light and soothing
voices and the figures of their deceased nearest and
dearest awaited them at the end of this tunnel. All those
who experienced it described the light as the manifestation
of an omnipotent, benevolent being. The tunnel -
suggested Sagan - is a rendition of the mother's tract. The
process of birth involves gradual exposure to light and to
the figures of humans. Clinical death experiences only
recreate birth experiences.
The womb is a self-contained though open (not self-
sufficient) ecosystem. The Baby's Planet is spatially
confined, almost devoid of light and homeostatic. The
fetus breathes liquid oxygen, rather than the gaseous
variant. He is subjected to an unending barrage of noises,
most of them rhythmical. Otherwise, there are very few
stimuli to elicit any of his fixed action responses. There,
dependent and protected, his world lacks the most evident
features of ours. There are no dimensions where there is
no light. There is no "inside" and "outside", "self" and
"others", "extension" and "main body", "here" and "there".
Our Planet is exactly converse. There could be no greater
disparity. In this sense - and it is not a restricted sense at
all - the baby is an alien. He has to train himself and to
learn to become human. Kittens, whose eyes were tied
immediately after birth - could not "see" straight lines and
kept tumbling over tightly strung cords. Even sense data
involve some modicum and modes of conceptualization
(see: "Appendix 5 - The Manifold of Sense").

Even lower animals (worms) avoid unpleasant corners in

mazes in the wake of nasty experiences. To suggest that a
human neonate, equipped with hundreds of neural cubic
feet does not recall migrating from one planet to another,
from one extreme to its total opposition - stretches
credulity. Babies may be asleep 16-20 hours a day because
they are shocked and depressed. These abnormal spans of
sleep are more typical of major depressive episodes than
of vigorous, vivacious, vibrant growth. Taking into
consideration the mind-boggling amounts of information
that the baby has to absorb just in order to stay alive -
sleeping through most of it seems like an inordinately
inane strategy. The baby seems to be awake in the womb
more than he is outside it.
Cast into the outer light, the baby tries, at first, to ignore
reality. This is our first defense line. It stays with us as we
grow up.

It has long been noted that pregnancy continues outside

the womb. The brain develops and reaches 75% of adult
size by the age of 2 years. It is completed only by the age
of 10. It takes, therefore, ten years to complete the
development of this indispensable organ – almost wholly
outside the womb. And this "external pregnancy" is not
limited to the brain only. The baby grows by 25 cm and by
6 kilos in the first year alone. He doubles his weight by his
fourth month and triples it by his first birthday. The
development process is not smooth but by fits and starts.
Not only do the parameters of the body change – but its
proportions do as well. In the first two years, for instance,
the head is larger in order to accommodate the rapid
growth of the Central Nervous System. This changes
drastically later on as the growth of the head is dwarfed by
the growth of the extremities of the body. The
transformation is so fundamental, the plasticity of the
body so pronounced – that in most likelihood this is the
reason why no operative sense of identity emerges until
after the fourth year of childhood. It calls to mind Kafka's
Gregor Samsa (who woke up to find that he is a giant
cockroach). It is identity shattering. It must engender in
the baby a sense of self-estrangement and loss of control
over who is and what he is.
The motor development of the baby is heavily influenced
both by the lack of sufficient neural equipment and by the
ever-changing dimensions and proportions of the body.
While all other animal cubs are fully motoric in their first
few weeks of life – the human baby is woefully slow and
hesitant. The motor development is proximodistal. The
baby moves in ever widening concentric circles from itself
to the outside world. First the whole arm, grasping, then
the useful fingers (especially the thumb and forefinger
combination), first batting at random, then reaching
accurately. The inflation of its body must give the baby
the impression that he is in the process of devouring the
world. Right up to his second year the baby tries to
assimilate the world through his mouth (which is the
prima causa of his own growth). He divides the world into
"suckable" and "insuckable" (as well as to "stimuli-
generating" and "not generating stimuli"). His mind
expands even faster than his body. He must feel that he is
all-encompassing, all-inclusive, all-engulfing, all-
pervasive. This is why a baby has no object permanence.
In other words, a baby finds it hard to believe the
existence of other objects if he does not see them (=if they
are not IN his eyes). They all exist in his outlandishly
exploding mind and only there. The universe cannot
accommodate a creature, which doubles itself physically
every 4 months as well as objects outside the perimeter of
such an inflationary being, the baby "believes". The
inflation of the body has a correlate in the inflation of
consciousness. These two processes overwhelm the baby
into a passive absorption and inclusion mode.
To assume that the child is born a "tabula rasa" is
superstition. Cerebral processes and responses have been
observed in utero. Sounds condition the EEG of fetuses.
They startle at loud, sudden noises. This means that they
can hear and interpret what they hear. Fetuses even
remember stories read to them while in the womb. They
prefer these stories to others after they are born. This
means that they can tell auditory patterns and parameters
apart. They tilt their head at the direction sounds are
coming from. They do so even in the absence of visual
cues (e.g., in a dark room). They can tell the mother's
voice apart (perhaps because it is high pitched and thus
recalled by them). In general, babies are tuned to human
speech and can distinguish sounds better than adults do.
Chinese and Japanese babies react differently to "pa" and
to "ba", to "ra" and to "la". Adults do not – which is the
source of numerous jokes.

The equipment of the newborn is not limited to the

auditory. He has clear smell and taste preferences (he likes
sweet things a lot). He sees the world in three dimensions
with a perspective (a skill which he could not have
acquired in the dark womb). Depth perception is well
developed by the sixth month of life.

Expectedly, it is vague in the first four months of life.

When presented with depth, the baby realizes that
something is different – but not what. Babies are born
with their eyes open as opposed to most other animal
young ones. Moreover, their eyes are immediately fully
functional. It is the interpretation mechanism that is
lacking and this is why the world looks fuzzy to them.
They tend to concentrate on very distant or on very close
objects (their own hand getting closer to their face). They
see very clearly objects 20-25 cm away.
But visual acuity and focusing improve in a matter of
days. By the time the baby is 6 to 8 months old, he sees as
well as many adults do, though the visual system – from
the neurological point of view – is fully developed only at
the age of 3 or 4 years. The neonate discerns some colors
in the first few days of his life: yellow, red, green, orange,
gray – and all of them by the age of four months. He
shows clear preferences regarding visual stimuli: he is
bored by repeated stimuli and prefers sharp contours and
contrasts, big objects to small ones, black and white to
colored (because of the sharper contrast), curved lines to
straight ones (this is why babies prefer human faces to
abstract paintings). They prefer their mother to strangers.
It is not clear how they come to recognize the mother so
quickly. To say that they collect mental images which they
then arrange into a prototypical scheme is to say nothing
(the question is not "what" they do but "how" they do it).
This ability is a clue to the complexity of the internal
mental world of the neonate, which far exceeds our
learned assumptions and theories. It is inconceivable that a
human is born with all this exquisite equipment while
incapable of experiencing the birth trauma or the even the
bigger trauma of his own inflation, mental and physical.

As early as the end of the third month of pregnancy, the

fetus moves, his heart beats, his head is enormous relative
to his size. His size, though, is less than 3 cm. Ensconced
in the placenta, the fetus is fed by substances transmitted
through the mother's blood vessels (he has no contact with
her blood, though). The waste that he produces is carried
away in the same venue.
The composition of the mother's food and drink, what she
inhales and injects – all are communicated to the embryo.
There is no clear relationship between sensory inputs
during pregnancy and later life development. The levels of
maternal hormones do effect the baby's subsequent
physical development but only to a negligible extent. Far
more important is the general state of health of the
mother, a trauma, or a disease of the fetus. It seems that
the mother is less important to the baby than the romantics
would have it – and cleverly so. A too strong attachment
between mother and fetus would have adversely affected
the baby's chances of survival outside the uterus. Thus,
contrary to popular opinion, there is no evidence
whatsoever that the mother's emotional, cognitive, or
attitudinal state effects the fetus in any way. The baby is
effected by viral infections, obstetric complications, by
protein malnutrition and by the mother's alcoholism. But
these – at least in the West – are rare conditions.

In the first three months of the pregnancy, the central

nervous system "explodes" both quantitatively and
qualitatively. This process is called metaplasia. It is a
delicate chain of events, greatly influenced by
malnutrition and other kinds of abuse. But this
vulnerability does not disappear until the age of 6 years
out of the womb. There is a continuum between womb
and world. The newborn is almost a very developed kernel
of humanity. He is definitely capable of experiencing
substantive dimensions of his own birth and subsequent
metamorphoses. Neonates can immediately track colors –
therefore, they must be immediately able to tell the
striking differences between the dark, liquid placenta and
the colorful maternity ward. They go after certain light
shapes and ignore others.
Without accumulating any experience, these skills
improve in the first few days of life, which proves that
they are inherent and not contingent (learned). They seek
patterns selectively because they remember which pattern
was the cause of satisfaction in their very brief past. Their
reactions to visual, auditory and tactile patterns are very
predictable. Therefore, they must possess a MEMORY,
however primitive.

But – even granted that babies can sense, remember and,

perhaps emote – what is the effect of the multiple traumas
they are exposed to in the first few months of their lives?

We mentioned the traumas of birth and of self-inflation

(mental and physical). These are the first links in a chain
of traumas, which continues throughout the first two years
of the baby's life. Perhaps the most threatening and
destabilizing is the trauma of separation and
individuation.

The baby's mother (or caregiver – rarely the father,

sometimes another woman) is his auxiliary ego. She is
also the world; a guarantor of livable (as opposed to
unbearable) life, a (physiological or gestation) rhythm
(=predictability), a physical presence and a social stimulus
(an other).

To start with, the delivery disrupts continuous

physiological processes not only quantitatively but also
qualitatively. The neonate has to breathe, to feed, to
eliminate waste, to regulate his body temperature – new
functions, which were previously performed by the
mother. This physiological catastrophe, this schism
increases the baby's dependence on the mother.
It is through this bonding that he learns to interact socially
and to trust others. The baby's lack of ability to tell the
inside world from the outside only makes matters worse.
He "feels" that the upheaval is contained in himself, that
the tumult is threatening to tear him apart, he experiences
implosion rather than explosion. True, in the absence of
evaluative processes, the quality of the baby's experience
will be different to ours. But this does not disqualify it as
a PSYCHOLOGICAL process and does not extinguish the
subjective dimension of the experience. If a psychological
process lacks the evaluative or analytic elements, this lack
does not question its existence or its nature. Birth and the
subsequent few days must be a truly terrifying experience.

Another argument raised against the trauma thesis is that

there is no proof that cruelty, neglect, abuse, torture, or
discomfort retard, in any way, the development of the
child. A child – it is claimed – takes everything in stride
and reacts "naturally" to his environment, however
depraved and deprived.

This may be true – but it is irrelevant. It is not the child's

development that we are dealing with here. It is its
reactions to a series of existential traumas. That a process
or an event has no influence later – does not mean that it
has no effect at the moment of occurrence. That it has no
influence at the moment of occurrence – does not prove
that it has not been fully and accurately registered. That it
has not been interpreted at all or that it has been
interpreted in a way different from ours – does not imply
that it had no effect. In short: there is no connection
between experience, interpretation and effect. There can
exist an interpreted experience that has no effect. An
interpretation can result in an effect without any
experience involved.
And an experience can effect the subject without any
(conscious) interpretation. This means that the baby can
experience traumas, cruelty, neglect, abuse and even
interpret them as such (i.e., as bad things) and still not be
effected by them. Otherwise, how can we explain that a
baby cries when confronted by a sudden noise, a sudden
light, wet diapers, or hunger? Isn't this proof that he reacts
properly to "bad" things and that there is such a class of
things ("bad things") in his mind?

Moreover, we must attach some epigenetic importance to

some of the stimuli. If we do, in effect we recognize the
effect of early stimuli upon later life development.

At their beginning, neonates are only vaguely aware, in a

binary sort of way.

l."Comfortable/uncomfortable", "cold/warm", "wet/dry",

"color/absence of color", "light/dark", "face/no face" and
so on. There are grounds to believe that the distinction
between the outer world and the inner one is vague at best.
Natal fixed action patterns (rooting, sucking, postural
adjustment, looking, listening, grasping, and crying)
invariably provoke the caregiver to respond. The newborn,
as we said earlier, is able to relate to physical patterns but
his ability seems to extend to the mental as well. He sees a
pattern: fixed action followed by the appearance of the
caregiver followed by a satisfying action on the part of the
caregiver. This seems to him to be an inviolable causal
chain (though precious few babies would put it in these
words). Because he is unable to distinguish his inside
from the outside – the newborn "believes" that his action
evoked the caregiver from the inside (in which the
caregiver is contained). This is the kernel of both magical
thinking and Narcissism.
The baby attributes to himself magical powers of
omnipotence and of omnipresence (action-appearance). It
also loves itself very much because it is able to thus
satisfy himself and his needs. He loves himself because he
has the means to make himself happy. The tension-
relieving and pleasurable world comes to life through the
baby and then he swallows it back through his mouth.
This incorporation of the world through the sensory
modalities is the basis for the "oral stage" in the
psychodynamic theories.

This self-containment and self-sufficiency, this lack of

recognition of the environment are why children until
their third year of life are such a homogeneous group
(allowing for some variance). Infants show a characteristic
style of behaviour (one is almost tempted to say, a
universal character) in as early as the first few weeks of
their lives. The first two years of life witness the
crystallization of consistent behavioral patterns, common
to all children. It is true that even newborns have an innate
temperament but not until an interaction with the outside
environment is established – do the traits of individual
diversity appear.

At birth, the newborn shows no attachment but simple

dependence. It is easy to prove: the child indiscriminately
reacts to human signals, scans for patterns and motions,
enjoys soft, high pitched voices and cooing, soothing
sounds. Attachment starts physiologically in the fourth
week. The child turns clearly towards his mother's voice,
ignoring others. He begins to develop a social smile,
which is easily distinguishable from his usual grimace. A
virtuous circle is set in motion by the child's smiles,
gurgles and coos. These powerful signals release social
behaviour, elicit attention, loving responses.
This, in turn, drives the child to increase the dose of his
signaling activity. These signals are, of course, reflexes
(fixed action responses, exactly like the palmar grasp).
Actually, until the 18th week of his life, the child
continues to react to strangers favorably. Only then does
the child begin to develop a budding social-behavioral
system based on the high correlation between the presence
of his caregiver and gratifying experiences. By the third
month there is a clear preference of the mother and by the
sixth month, the child wants to venture into the world. At
first, the child grasps things (as long as he can see his
hand). Then he sits up and watches things in motion (if
not too fast or noisy). Then the child clings to the mother,
climbs all over her and explores her body. There is still no
object permanence and the child gets perplexed and loses
interest if a toy disappears under a blanket, for instance.
The child still associates objects with satisfaction/non-
satisfaction. His world is still very much binary.

As the child grows, his attention narrows and is dedicated

first to the mother and to a few other human figures and,
by the age of 9 months, only to the mother. The tendency
to seek others virtually disappears (which is reminiscent
of imprinting in animals). The infant tends to equate his
movements and gestures with their results – that is, he is
still in the phase of magical thinking.

The separation from the mother, the formation of an

individual, the separation from the world (the "spewing
out" of the outside world) – are all tremendously
traumatic.
The infant is afraid to lose his mother physically (no
"mother permanence") as well as emotionally (will she be
angry at this new found autonomy?). He goes away a step
or two and runs back to receive the mother's reassurance
that she still loves him and that she is still there. The
tearing up of one's self into my SELF and the OUTSIDE
WORLD is an unimaginable feat. It is equivalent to
discovering irrefutable proof that the universe is an
illusion created by the brain or that our brain belongs to a
universal pool and not to us, or that we are God (the child
discovers that he is not God, it is a discovery of the same
magnitude). The child's mind is shredded to pieces: some
pieces are still HE and others are NOT HE (=the outside
world). This is an absolutely psychedelic experience (and
the root of all psychoses, probably).

If not managed properly, if disturbed in some way (mainly

emotionally), if the separation – individuation process
goes awry, it could result in serious psychopathologies.
There are grounds to believe that several personality
disorders (Narcissistic and Borderline) can be traced to a
disturbance in this process in early childhood.

Then, of course, there is the on-going traumatic process

that we call "life".
 Parenting - The Irrational Vocation

By: Dr. Sam Vaknin

There are some grounds to assume that a cognitive

dissonance is involved in feeling that children are more a
satisfaction than a nuisance. Why do people bother with
parenting? It is time consuming, exhausting, strains
otherwise pleasurable and tranquil relationships to their
limits. Still, humanity keeps at it: breeding.

It is the easiest to resort to Nature. After all, all living

species breed and most of them parent. We are, all taken
into consideration, animals and, therefore, subject to the
same instinctive behaviour patterns. There is no point in
looking for a reason: survival itself (whether of the gene
pool or, on a higher level, of the species) is at stake.
Breeding is a transport mechanism: handing the precious
cargo of genetics down generations of "organic
containers".

But this is a reductionist view, which both ignores

epistemological and emotional realities – and is
tautological, thereby explaining something in terms of
itself. Calling something by a different name or describing
the mechanisms involved in minute detail does not an
explanation make.
First hypothesis: we bring children to the world in order to
"circumvent" death. We attain immortality (genetically
and psychologically – though in both cases it is imaginary)
by propagating our genetic material through the medium
of our offspring.

This is a highly dubious claim. Any analysis, however

shallow, will reveal its weaknesses. Our genetic material
gets diluted beyond reconstruction with time. It constitutes
50% of the first generation, 25% of the second and so on.
If this were the paramount concern – incest should have
been the norm, being a behaviour better able to preserve a
specific set of genes (especially today, when genetic
screening can effectively guard against the birth of
defective babies). Moreover, progeny is a dubious way of
perpetuating one's self. No one remembers one's great
great grandfathers. One's memory is better preserved by
intellectual feats or architectural monuments. The latter
are much better conduits than children and grandchildren.

Still, this indoctrinated misconception is so strong that a

baby boom characterizes post war periods. Having been
existentially threatened, people multiply in the vain belief
that they thus best protect their genetic heritage and fixate
their memory.

In the better-educated, higher income, low infant mortality

part of the world – the number of children has decreased
dramatically – but those who still bring them to the world
do so partly because they believe in these factually
erroneous assumptions.
Second hypothesis: we bring children to the world in order
to preserve the cohesiveness of the family nucleus. This
claim can more plausibly be reversed: the cohesiveness of
the social cell of the family encourages bringing children
to the world. In both cases, if true, we would have
expected more children to be born into stable families
(ante or post facto) than into abnormal or dysfunctional
ones. The facts absolutely contradict this expectation:
more children are born to single parent families (between
one third and one half of them) and to other "abnormal"
(non-traditional) families than to the mother-father classic
configuration. Dysfunctional families have more children
than any other type of family arrangement. Children are an
abject failure at preserving family cohesiveness. It would
seem that the number of children, or even their very
existence, is not correlated to the stability of the family.
Under special circumstances, (Narcissistic parents,
working mothers) they may even be a destabilizing factor.

Hypothesis number three: children are mostly born

unwanted. They are the results of accidents and mishaps,
wrong fertility planning, wrong decisions and misguided
turns of events. The more sex people engage in and the
less preventive measures they adopt – the greater the
likelihood of having a child. While this might be factually
true (family planning is all but defunct in most parts of the
world), it neglects the simple fact that people want
children and love them. Children are still economic assets
in many parts of the world. They plough fields and do
menial jobs very effectively. This still does not begin to
explain the attachment between parents and their offspring
and the grief experienced by parents when children die or
are sick. It seems that people derive enormous emotional
fulfilment from being parents.
This is true even when the children were unwanted in the
first place or are the results of lacking planning and sexual
accidents. That children ARE the results of sexual
ignorance, bad timing, the vigorousness of the sexual
drive (higher frequency of sexual encounters) – can be
proven using birth statistics among teenagers, the less
educated and the young (ages 20 to 30).

People derive great happiness, fulfilment and satisfaction

from their children. Is not this, in itself, a sufficient
explanation? The pleasure principle seems to be at work:
people have children because it gives them great pleasure.
Children are sources of emotional sustenance. As parents
grow old, they become sources of economic support, as
well. Unfortunately, these assertions are not sustained by
the facts. Increasing mobility breaks families apart at an
early stage. Children become ever more dependent on the
economic reserves of their parents (during their studies
and the formation of a new family). It is not uncommon
today for a child to live with and off his parents until the
age of 30. Increasing individualism leaves parents to cope
with the empty nest syndrome. Communication between
parents and children has rarefied in the 20th century.

It is possible to think of children as habit forming (see:

"The Habit of Identity"). In this hypothesis, parents –
especially mothers – form a habit. Nine months of
pregnancy and a host of social reactions condition the
parents. They get used to the presence of an "abstract"
baby. It is a case of a getting used to a concept. This is not
very convincing. Entertaining a notion, a concept, a
thought, an idea, a mental image, or a symbol very rarely
leads to the formation of a habit.
Moreover, the living baby is very different to its pre-natal
image. It cries, it soils, it smells, it severely disrupts the
lives of its parents. It is much easier to reject it then to
transform it to a habit. Moreover, a child is a bad
emotional investment. So many things can and do go
wrong with it as it grows. So many expectations and
dreams are frustrated. The child leaves home and rarely
reciprocates. The emotional "returns" on an investment in
a child are rarely commensurate with the magnitude of the
investment.

This is not to say that people do NOT derive pleasure and

fulfilment from their offspring. This is undeniable. Yet, it
is neither in the economic nor in the mature emotional
arenas. To have children seems to be a purely Narcissistic
drive, a part of the pursuit of Narcissistic supply.

For further elaboration, please refer to: "Malignant Self

Love – Narcissism Revisited" and the Frequently Asked
Questions (FAQs) sections.

We are all Narcissists, to a greater or lesser degree. A

Narcissist is a person who projects a (false) image to the
people around him. He then proceeds to define himself by
this very image reflected back at him. Thus, he regards
people as mere instruments, helpful in his Sisyphean
attempt at self-definition. Their attention is crucial
because it augments his weak ego and defines its
boundaries. The Narcissist feeds off their admiration,
adoration and approval and these help him to maintain a
grandiose (fantastic and delusional) sense of self. As the
personality matures, Narcissism is replaced with the
ability to empathize and to love.
The energy (libido) initially directed at loving one's (false)
self is redirected at more multidimensional, less idealized
"targets": others. This edifice of maturity seems to
crumble at the sight of one's offspring. The baby evokes in
the parent the most primordial drives, a regression to
infancy, protective, animalistic instincts, the desire to
merge with the newborn and a sense of terror generated by
such a desire (a fear of vanishing and of being
assimilated). The parent relives his infancy and childhood
through the agency of the baby. The newborn provides the
parent with endless, unconditional and unbounded
Narcissistic supply. This is euphemistically known as love
– but it is really a form of symbiotic dependence, at least
in the beginning of the relationship. Such narcissistic
supply is addictive even to the more balanced, more
mature, more psychodynamically stable of parents.

It enhances the parent's self-confidence, self esteem and

buttresses his self image. It fast becomes indispensable,
especially in the emotionally vulnerable position in which
the parent finds himself. This vulnerability is a result of
the reawakening and reconstruction of all the conflicts and
unsolved complexes that the parent had with his own
parents.

If explanation is true, the following should also hold true:

a. The higher the self confidence, the self esteem, the

self worth, the clearer and more realistic the self
image of the potential parent – the less children he
 will have (the Principle of the Conservation of the
Ego boundaries)

b. The more sources of readily available Narcissistic

supply – the less children are needed (the
substitutability of Narcissistic sources of supply)

Sure enough, both predictions are validated by reality. The

higher the education and the income of adults – the fewer
children they tend to have. People with a higher education
and with a greater income are more likely to have a more
established sense of self worth. Children become counter-
productive: not only is their Narcissistic input (supply)
unnecessary, they can also hinder further progress.

Having children is not a survival or genetically oriented

imperative. Had this been the case, the number of children
would have risen together with free income. Yet, exactly
the reverse is happening: the more children people can
economically afford – the fewer they have. The more
educated they are (=the more they know about the world
and about themselves), the less they seek to procreate. The
more advanced the civilization, the more efforts it invests
into preventing the birth of children: contraceptives,
family planning, abortions. These all are typical of
affluent, well educated societies.

And the more Narcissistic supply can be derived from

other sources – the less do people resort to making
children and to other procreative activities (such as sex).
Freud described the mechanism of sublimation: the sex
drive, the Eros (libido), can be "converted", "sublimated"
into other activities. All the sublimatory channels and
activities are Narcissistic in character: politics, art. They
all provide what children do: narcissistic supply.
They make children redundant. It is not by coincidence
that people famous for their creativity tend to have less
children than the average (most of them, none at all). They
are Narcissistically self sufficient, they do not need
children.

This seems to be the key to our determination to have

children:

To experience the unconditional love that we received

from our mothers, this intoxicating feeling of being loved
without caveats, for what we are, with no limits,
reservations, or calculations. This is the most powerful,
crystallized source of Narcissistic supply. It nourishes our
self-love, self worth and self-confidence. It infuses us with
feelings of omnipotence and omniscience. In these, and
other respects, it is a return to infancy.
 Narcissists, Inverted Narcissists and Schizoids

By: Dr. Sam Vaknin

Question:

Are narcissists also schizoids?

Answer:

This is the definition of the Schizoid Personality Disorder

(SPD) in the DSM-IV-TR [2000]:

A. A pervasive pattern of detachment from social

relationships and a restricted range of expression of
emotions in interpersonal settings, beginning by early
adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated
by four (or more) of the following:

 Neither desires nor enjoys close relationships,

including being part of a family;

 Almost always chooses solitary activities;

  Has little, if any, interest in having sexual
experiences with another person;

 Takes pleasure in few, if any, activities;

 Lacks close friends or confidants other than first

degree relatives;

 Appears indifferent to the praise or criticism of

others;

 Shows emotional coldness, detachment, or

flattened affectivity.

B. Does not occur exclusively during the course of

schizophrenia, a mood disorder with psychotic features,
another psychotic disorder, or a pervasive developmental
disorder and is not due to the direct physiological effects
of a general medical condition.

Or, as the Howard H. Goldman (Ed.) in the "Review of

General Psychiatry" [4th Edition. London, Prentice Hall
International, 1995] puts it:

"The person with Schizoid Personality Disorder sustains

a fragile emotional equilibrium by avoiding intimate
personal contact and thereby minimising conflict that is
poorly tolerated."
Intuitively, a connection between SPD and NPD seems
plausible. After all, NPDs are people who self-sufficiently
withdraw from others. They love themselves in lieu of
loving others. Lacking empathy, they regard others as
mere instruments, objectified "Sources" of Narcissistic
Supply. With the exception of criterion 6 above – the
classic narcissist would tend to fit all the others.

The inverted narcissist (IN) is a narcissist, who "projects"

his narcissism onto another narcissist. The mechanism of
projective identification allows the IN to experience his
own narcissism vicariously, through the agency of a
classic narcissist. But the IN is no less a narcissist than the
classical one. He is no less socially reclusive.
A distinction must be made between social interactions
and social relationships. The schizoid, the narcissist and
the inverted narcissist – all interact socially. But they fail
to form human and social relationships. The schizoid is
uninterested and the narcissist is both uninterested and
incapable due to his lack of empathy and pervasive sense
of grandiosity.

The ethno-psychologist George Devereux [Basic

Problems of Ethno-Psychiatry, University of Chicago
Press, 1980] proposed to divide the unconscious into the
Id (the part that was always instinctual and unconscious)
and the "ethnic unconscious" (repressed material that was
once conscious). The latter includes all the defence
mechanisms and most of the Superego. Culture dictates
what is to be repressed. Mental illness is either
idiosyncratic (cultural directives are not followed and the
individual is unique and schizophrenic) – or conformist,
abiding by the cultural dictates of what is allowed and
disallowed.

Our culture, according to Christopher Lasch, teaches us to

withdraw inwards when confronted with stressful
situations. It is a vicious circle. One of the main stressors
of modern society is alienation and a pervasive sense of
isolation. The solution our culture offers – to further
withdraw – only exacerbates the problem. Richard Sennett
expounded on this theme in "The Fall of Public Man: On
the Social Psychology of Capitalism" [Vintage Books,
1978]. One of the chapters in Devereux's aforementioned
tome is entitled "Schizophrenia: An Ethnic Psychosis, or
Schizophrenia without Tears". To him, the whole USA is
afflicted by what came later to be called a "schizoid
disorder".
C. Fred Alford [in Narcissism: Socrates, the Frankfurt
School and Psychoanalytic Theory, Yale University Press,
1988] enumerates the symptoms:

"…withdrawal, emotional aloofness, hyporeactivity

(emotional flatness), sex without emotional involvement,
segmentation and partial involvement (lack of interest
and commitment to things outside oneself), fixation on
oral-stage issues, regression, infantilism and
depersonalisation. These, of course, are many of the
same designations that Lasch employs to describe the
culture of narcissism. Thus, it appears, that it is not
misleading to equate narcissism with schizoid disorder."
[Page 19]

We have dwelt elsewhere in this book on the

developmental phases of the narcissist and on the
psychodynamics of narcissistic development, its causes
and reactive patterns (see the FAQs "The Narcissist's
Mother", "More on the Development of the Narcissist"
and "Narcissism – The Psychopathological Default").
Still, it is worthwhile to study the theoretical foundations
of the comparison between narcissism and the schizoid
disorder.

The first to seriously consider this similarity, if not

outright identity, was Melanie Klein. She broke ranks with
Freud in that she believed that we are born with a fragile,
easily fragmentable, weak and unintegrated Ego. The most
primordial human fear is the fear of disintegration (death),
according to Klein. Thus, the infant is forced to employ
primitive defence mechanisms such as splitting, projection
and introjection to cope with this fear (actually, with the
result of aggression generated by the Ego).
The Ego splits and projects this part (death, disintegration,
aggression). It does the same with the life-related,
constructive, integrative part of itself. The result of all
these mechanics is to view the world as either "good"
(satisfying, complying, responding, gratifying) – or bad
(frustrating). Klein called it the good and the bad
"breasts". The child then proceeds to introject (internalise
and assimilate) the good object while keeping out
(=defending against) the bad objects. The good object
becomes the nucleus of the forming Ego. The bad object is
felt as fragmented. But it has not vanished, it is there.

The fact that the bad object is "out there", persecutory,

threatening – gives rise to the first schizoid defence
mechanisms, foremost amongst them the mechanism of
"projective identification" (so often employed by
narcissists). The infant projects parts of himself (his
organs, his behaviours, his traits) unto the bad object. This
is the famous Kleinian "paranoid-schizoid position". The
Ego is split. This is as terrifying as it sounds but it allows
the baby to make a clear distinction between the "good
object" (inside him) and the "bad object" (out there, split
from him). If this phase is not transcended the individual
develops schizophrenia and a fragmentation of the self.

Around the third or fourth month of life, the infant realises

that the good and the bad objects are really facets of one
and the same object. He develops the depressive position.
This depression [Klein believes that the two positions
continue throughout life] is a reaction of fear and anxiety.
The infant feels guilty (at his own rage) and anxious (lest
his aggression harms the object and eliminates the source
of good things).
He experiences loss of his own omnipotence since the
object is outside his self. The infant wishes to erase the
results of his own aggression by "making the object whole
again". By recognising the wholeness of other objects –
the infant comes to realise and to experience his own
wholeness. The Ego re-integrates.

But the transition from the paranoid-schizoid position to

the depressive one is by no means smooth and assured.
Excess anxiety and envy can delay it or prevent it
altogether. Envy seeks to destroy all good objects, so that
others don't have them. It, therefore, hinders the split
between the good and the bad "breasts". Envy destroys the
good object but leaves the persecutory, bad object intact.
Moreover, it does not allow the re-integration
["reparation" in Kleinian jargon] to take place. The more
whole the object – the greater the envy. Thus, envy feeds
on its own outcomes. The more envy, the less integrated
the Ego is, the weaker and more inadequate it is – the
more reason for envying the good object and other people.
Envy is the hallmark of narcissism and the prime source
of what is known as narcissistic rage. The schizoid self –
fragmented, weak, primitive – is intimately connected
with narcissism through envy. Narcissists prefer to destroy
themselves and to deny themselves – rather than to endure
someone else's happiness, wholeness and "triumph". They
fail an exam – to frustrate a teacher they adore and envy.
They fail in therapy – not to give the therapist a reason to
feel professionally satisfied. By failing and self-
destructing, narcissists deny the worth of others. If the
narcissist fails in therapy – his analyst must be inept. If he
destroys himself by consuming drugs – his parents are
blameworthy and should feel guilty and bad. One cannot
exaggerate the importance of envy as a motivating power
in the narcissist's life.

The psychodynamic connection is obvious. Envy is a rage

reaction at not controlling or "having" or engulfing the
good, desired object. Narcissists defend themselves
against this acidulous, corroding sensation by pretending
that they DO control, possess and engulf the good object.
This is what we call "grandiose fantasies (of omnipotence
or omniscience)". But, in doing so, the narcissist MUST
deny the existence of any good OUTSIDE himself. The
narcissist defends himself against raging, all consuming
envy – by solipsistically claiming to be the ONLY good
object in the world. This is an object that cannot be had by
anyone, except the narcissist and, therefore, is immune to
the narcissist's threatening, annihilating envy. In order not
to be "owned" by anyone (and, thus, avoid self-destruction
in the hands of his own envy) – the narcissist reduces
others to "non-entities" (the narcissistic solution), or
avoids all meaningful contact with them altogether (the
schizoid solution).

The suppression of envy is at the CORE of the narcissist's

being. If he fails to convince his self that he is the ONLY
good object in the universe – he is exposed to his own
murderous envy. If there are others out there who are
better than he – he envies them, he lashes out at them
ferociously, uncontrollably, madly, hatefully and
spitefully. If someone tries to get emotionally intimate
with the narcissist – she threatens the grandiose belief that
no one but the narcissist can possess the good object (the
narcissist himself). Only the narcissist can own himself,
have access to himself, possess himself. This is the only
way to avoid seething envy and certain self-annihilation.
Perhaps it is clearer now why narcissists react as raving
madmen to ANYTHING, however minute, however
remote that seems to threaten their grandiose fantasies, the
only protective barrier between themselves and their envy.

There is nothing new in trying to link narcissism to

schizophrenia. Freud did as much in his "On Narcissism"
[1914]. Klein's contribution was the introduction of
immediately post-natal internal objects. Schizophrenia,
she proposed, was a narcissistic and intense relationship
with internal objects (such as fantasies or images,
including fantasies of grandeur). It was a new language.
Freud suggested a transition from (primary, object-less)
narcissism (self-directed libido) to objects relations
(objects directed libido). Klein suggested a transition from
internal objects to external ones. While Freud thought that
the common denominator of narcissism and schizoid
phenomena was a withdrawal of libido from the world –
Klein suggested it was a fixation on an early phase of
relating to internal objects.

But is the difference not merely a question of

terminology?

"The term 'narcissism' tends to be employed

diagnostically by those proclaiming loyalty to the drive
model [Otto Kernberg and Edith Jacobson, for instance
– SV] and mixed model theorists [Kohut], who are
interested in preserving a tie to drive theory. 'Schizoid'
tends to be employed diagnostically by adherents of
relational models [Fairbairn, Guntrip], who are
interested in articulating their break with drive theory…
These two differing diagnoses and accompanying
formulations are applied to patients who are essentially
similar, by theorists who start with very different
conceptual premises and ideological affiliations."
(Greenberg and Mitchell. Object Relations in
Psychoanalytic Theory. Harvard University Press, 1983)

Klein, in effect, said that drives (e.g., the libido) are

relational flows. A drive is the mode of relationship
between an individual and his objects (internal and
external). Thus, a retreat from the world [Freud] into
internal objects [object relations theorists and especially
the British school of Fairbairn and Guntrip] – IS the drive
itself. Drives are orientations (to external or internal
objects). Narcissism is an orientation (a preference, we
could say) towards internal objects – the very definition of
schizoid phenomena. This is why narcissists feel empty,
fragmented, "unreal" (movie-like) and diffuse. It is
because their Ego is still split (never integrated) and
because they withdrew from the world (of external
objects). Kernberg identifies these internal objects with
which the narcissist maintains a special relationship with
the idealised, grandiose images of the narcissist's parents.
He believes that the narcissist's very Ego (self-
representation) fused with these parental images.

Fairbairn's work – even more than Kernberg's, not to

mention Kohut's – integrates all these insights into a
coherent framework. Guntrip elaborated on it and together
they created one of the most impressive theoretical bodies
in the history of psychology.
Fairbairn internalised Klein's insights that drives are
object-orientated and their goal is the formation of
relationships and not primarily the attainment of pleasure.
Pleasurable sensations are the means to achieve
relationships. The Ego does not seek to be stimulated and
pleased but to find the right, "good", supporting object.
The infant is fused with his Primary Object, the mother.
Life is not about using objects for pleasure under the
supervision of the Ego and Superego, as Freud postulated.
Life is about separating, differentiating, achieving
independence from the Primary Object and the initial state
of fusion with it. Dependence on internal objects is
narcissism. Freud's post-narcissistic (anaclitic) phase of
life can be either dependent (immature) or mature.

The newborn's Ego is looking for objects with which to

form relationships. Inevitably, some of these objects and
some of these relationships frustrate the infant and
disappoint him. He compensates for these setbacks by
creating compensatory internal objects. The initially
unitary Ego thus fragments into a growing group of
internal objects. Reality breaks our hearts and minds,
according to Fairbairn. The Ego and its objects are
"twinned" and the Ego is split in three [Guntrip added a
fourth Ego]. A schizoid state ensues.

The "original" (Freudian or libidinal) Ego is unitary,

instinctual, needy and object seeking. It then fragments as
a result of the three typical interactions with the mother
(gratification, disappointment and deprivation). The
central Ego idealises the "good" parents. It is conformist
and obedient. The antilibidinal Ego is a reaction to
frustrations. It is rejecting, harsh, unsatisfying, against
natural needs. The libidinal Ego is the seat of cravings,
desires and needs. It is active in that it keeps seeking
objects to form relationships with. Guntrip added the
regressed Ego, which is the True Self in "cold storage",
the "lost heart of the personal self".
Fairbairn's definition of psychopathology is quantitative.
Which parts of the Ego are dedicated to relationships with
internal objects rather than with external ones (e.g., real
people)? In other words: how fragmented (=how schizoid)
is the Ego?

To achieve a successful transition from internal objects to

external ones – the child needs the right parents (in
Winnicott parlance, the "good enough mother" – not
perfect, but "good enough"). The child internalises the bad
aspects of his parents in the form of internal, bad objects
and then proceeds to suppress them, together ("twinned")
with portions of his Ego. Thus, his parents become PART
of the child (though a repressed part). The more bad
objects are repressed, the "less Ego is left" for healthy
relationships with external objects. To Fairbairn, the
source of all psychological disturbances is in these
schizoid phenomena. Later developments (such as the
Oedipus Complex) are less crucial. Fairbairn and Guntrip
think that if a person is too attached to his compensatory
internal objects – he finds it hard to mature
psychologically. Maturing is about letting go of internal
objects. Some people just don't want to mature, or are
reluctant to do so, or are ambivalent about it. This
reluctance, this withdrawal to an internal world of
representations, internal objects and broken Ego – is
narcissism itself. Narcissists simply don't know how to be
themselves, how to acquire independence and,
simultaneously manage their relationships with other
people.
Both Otto Kernberg and Franz Kohut agreed that
narcissism is between neurosis and psychosis. Kernberg
thought that it was a borderline phenomenon, on the verge
of psychosis (where the Ego is completely shattered). In
this respect Kernberg, more than Kohut, identifies
narcissism with schizoid phenomena and with
schizophrenia. This is not the only difference between
them. They also disagree on the developmental locus of
narcissism. Kohut thinks that narcissism is an early phase
of development, fossilised, forever to be repeated
(gigantic repetition complex) while Kernberg maintains
that the narcissistic self is pathological from its very
inception. Kohut believes that the narcissist's parents
provided him with no assurances that he does possess a
self (in his words, with no self-object). They did not
explicitly recognise the child's nascent self, its separate
existence, its boundaries. The child learned to have a
schizoid, split, fragmented self – rather than a coherent ad
integrated one. To him, narcissism is really all-pervasive,
at the very core of being (whether in its mature form, as
self-love, or in it regressive, infantile form as a narcissistic
disorder).

Kernberg regards "mature narcissism" (also espoused by

neo-Freudians like Grunberger and Chasseguet-Smirgel)
as a contradiction in terms, an oxymoron. He observes that
narcissists are already grandiose and schizoid (detached,
cold, aloof, asocial) at an early age (at three years old,
according to him!). Like Klein, Kernberg believes that
narcissism is a last ditch effort (defence) to halt the
emergence of the paranoid-schizoid position described by
Klein.
In an adult such an emergence is known as "psychosis"
and this is why Kernberg classifies narcissists as
borderline (almost) psychotics. Even Kohut, who is an
opponent of Kernberg's classification, uses Eugene
O'Neill's famous sentence [in "The Great God Brown"]:
"Man is born broken. He lives by mending. The grace of
God is glue." Kernberg himself sees a clear connection
between schizoid phenomena (such as alienation in
modern society and subsequent withdrawal) and
narcissistic phenomena (inability to form relationships or
to make commitments or to empathise).

C. Fred Alford in "Narcissism: Socrates, the Frankfurt

School and Psychoanalytic Theory" [Yale University
Press, 1988] wrote:

"Fairbairn and Guntrip represent the purest expression

of object relations theory, which is characterised by the
insight that real relationships with real people build
psychic structure. Although they rarely mention
narcissism, they see a schizoid split in the self as
characteristic of virtually all-emotional disorder. It is
Greenberg and Mitchell, in Object Relations in
Psychoanalytic Theory who establish the relevance of
Fairbairn and Guntrip … by pointing out that what
American analysts label 'narcissism', British analysts
tend to call 'Schizoid Personality Disorder'. This insight
allows us to connect the symptomatology of narcissism –
feelings of emptiness, unreality, alienation and
emotional withdrawal – with a theory that sees such
symptoms as an accurate reflection of the experience of
being split-off from a part of oneself.
That narcissism is such a confusing category is in large
part because its drive-theoretic definition, the libidinal
cathexis of the self – in a word, self-love – seems far
removed from the experience of narcissism, as
characterised by a loss of, or split-in, the self.
Fairbairn's and Guntrip's view of narcissism as an
excessive attachment of the Ego to internal objects
(roughly analogous to Freud's narcissistic, as opposed
to object, love), resulting in various splits in the Ego
necessary to maintain these attachments, allows us to
penetrate this confusion." [Page 67]
 Serial Killers

By: Dr. Sam Vaknin

Countess Erszebet Bathory was a breathtakingly beautiful,

unusually well-educated woman, married to a descendant
of Vlad Dracula of Bram Stoker fame. In 1611, she was
tried - though, being a noblewoman, not convicted - in
Hungary for slaughtering 612 young girls. The true figure
may have been 40-100, though the Countess recorded in
her diary more than 610 girls and 50 bodies were found in
her estate when it was raided.

The Countess was notorious as an inhuman sadist long

before her hygienic fixation. She once ordered the mouth
of a talkative servant sewn. It is rumoured that in her
childhood she witnessed a gypsy being sewn into a horse's
stomach and left to die.

The girls were not killed outright. They were kept in a

dungeon and repeatedly pierced, prodded, pricked, and
cut. The Countess may have bitten chunks of flesh off
their bodies while alive. She is said to have bathed and
showered in their blood in the mistaken belief that she
could thus slow down the aging process.

Her servants were executed, their bodies burnt and their

ashes scattered. Being royalty, she was merely confined to
her bedroom until she died in 1614. For a hundred years
after her death, by royal decree, mentioning her name in
Hungary was a crime.
Cases like Barothy's give the lie to the assumption that
serial killers are a modern - or even post-modern -
phenomenon, a cultural-societal construct, a by-product of
urban alienation, Althusserian interpellation, and media
glamorization. Serial killers are, indeed, largely made, not
born. But they are spawned by every culture and society,
molded by the idiosyncrasies of every period as well as by
their personal circumstances and genetic makeup.

Still, every crop of serial killers mirrors and reifies the

pathologies of the milieu, the depravity of the Zeitgeist,
and the malignancies of the Leitkultur. The choice of
weapons, the identity and range of the victims, the
methodology of murder, the disposal of the bodies, the
geography, the sexual perversions and paraphilias - are all
informed and inspired by the slayer's environment,
upbringing, community, socialization, education, peer
group, sexual orientation, religious convictions, and
personal narrative. Movies like "Born Killers", "Man Bites
Dog", "Copycat", and the Hannibal Lecter series captured
this truth.

Serial killers are the quiddity and quintessence of

malignant narcissism.

Yet, to some degree, we all are narcissists. Primary

narcissism is a universal and inescapable developmental
phase. Narcissistic traits are common and often culturally
condoned. To this extent, serial killers are merely our
reflection through a glass darkly.
In their book "Personality Disorders in Modern Life",
Theodore Millon and Roger Davis attribute pathological
narcissism to "a society that stresses individualism and
self-gratification at the expense of community ... In an
individualistic culture, the narcissist is 'God's gift to the
world'. In a collectivist society, the narcissist is 'God's
gift to the collective'".

Lasch described the narcissistic landscape thus (in "The

Culture of Narcissism: American Life in an age of
Diminishing Expectations", 1979):

"The new narcissist is haunted not by guilt but by

anxiety. He seeks not to inflict his own certainties on
others but to find a meaning in life. Liberated from the
superstitions of the past, he doubts even the reality of his
own existence ... His sexual attitudes are permissive
rather than puritanical, even though his emancipation
from ancient taboos brings him no sexual peace.
Fiercely competitive in his demand for approval and
acclaim, he distrusts competition because he associates
it unconsciously with an unbridled urge to destroy ... He
(harbours) deeply antisocial impulses. He praises
respect for rules and regulations in the secret belief that
they do not apply to himself. Acquisitive in the sense
that his cravings have no limits, he ... demands
immediate gratification and lives in a state of restless,
perpetually unsatisfied desire."
The narcissist's pronounced lack of empathy, off-handed
exploitativeness, grandiose fantasies and uncompromising
sense of entitlement make him treat all people as though
they were objects (he "objectifies" people). The narcissist
regards others as either useful conduits for and sources of
narcissistic supply (attention, adulation, etc.) - or as
extensions of himself.

Similarly, serial killers often mutilate their victims and

abscond with trophies - usually, body parts. Some of them
have been known to eat the organs they have ripped - an
act of merging with the dead and assimilating them
through digestion. They treat their victims as some
children do their rag dolls.

Killing the victim - often capturing him or her on film

before the murder - is a form of exerting unmitigated,
absolute, and irreversible control over it. The serial killer
aspires to "freeze time" in the still perfection that he has
choreographed. The victim is motionless and defenseless.
The killer attains long sought "object permanence". The
victim is unlikely to run on the serial assassin, or vanish as
earlier objects in the killer's life (e.g., his parents) have
done.

In malignant narcissism, the true self of the narcissist is

replaced by a false construct, imbued with omnipotence,
omniscience, and omnipresence. The narcissist's thinking
is magical and infantile. He feels immune to the
consequences of his own actions. Yet, this very source of
apparently superhuman fortitude is also the narcissist's
Achilles heel.
The narcissist's personality is chaotic. His defense
mechanisms are primitive. The whole edifice is
precariously balanced on pillars of denial, splitting,
projection, rationalization, and projective identification.
Narcissistic injuries - life crises, such as abandonment,
divorce, financial difficulties, incarceration, public
opprobrium - can bring the whole thing tumbling down.

The narcissist cannot afford to be rejected, spurned,

insulted, hurt, resisted, criticized, or disagreed with.
Likewise, the serial killer is trying desperately to avoid a
painful relationship with his object of desire. He is
terrified of being abandoned or humiliated, exposed for
what he is and then discarded. Many killers often have sex
- the ultimate form of intimacy - with the corpses of their
victims. Objectification and mutilation allow for
unchallenged possession.

Devoid of the ability to empathize, permeated by haughty

feelings of superiority and uniqueness, the narcissist
cannot put himself in someone else's shoes, or even
imagine what it means. The very experience of being
human is alien to the narcissist whose invented False Self
is always to the fore, cutting him off from the rich panoply
of human emotions.

Thus, the narcissist believes that all people are narcissists.

Many serial killers believe that killing is the way of the
world. Everyone would kill if they could or were given the
chance to do so. Such killers are convinced that they are
more honest and open about their desires and, thus,
morally superior. They hold others in contempt for being
conforming hypocrites, cowed into submission by an
overweening establishment or society.
The narcissist seeks to adapt society in general - and
meaningful others in particular - to his needs. He regards
himself as the epitome of perfection, a yardstick against
which he measures everyone, a benchmark of excellence
to be emulated. He acts the guru, the sage, the
"psychotherapist", the "expert", the objective observer of
human affairs. He diagnoses the "faults" and "pathologies"
of people around him and "helps" them "improve",
"change", "evolve", and "succeed" - i.e., conform to the
narcissist's vision and wishes.

Serial killers also "improve" their victims - slain, intimate

objects - by "purifying" them, removing "imperfections",
depersonalizing and dehumanizing them. This type of
killer saves its victims from degeneration and degradation,
from evil and from sin, in short: from a fate worse than
death.

The killer's megalomania manifests at this stage. He

claims to possess, or have access to, higher knowledge
and morality. The killer is a special being and the victim is
"chosen" and should be grateful for it. The killer often
finds the victim's ingratitude irritating, though sadly
predictable.

In his seminal work, "Aberrations of Sexual Life"

(originally: "Psychopathia Sexualis"), quoted in the book
"Jack the Ripper" by Donald Rumbelow, Kraft-Ebbing
offers this observation:
"The perverse urge in murders for pleasure does not
solely aim at causing the victim pain and - most acute
injury of all - death, but that the real meaning of the
action consists in, to a certain extent, imitating, though
perverted into a monstrous and ghastly form, the act of
defloration. It is for this reason that an essential
component ... is the employment of a sharp cutting
weapon; the victim has to be pierced, slit, even chopped
up ... The chief wounds are inflicted in the stomach
region and, in many cases, the fatal cuts run from the
vagina into the abdomen. In boys an artificial vagina is
even made ... One can connect a fetishistic element too
with this process of hacking ... inasmuch as parts of the
body are removed and ... made into a collection."

Yet, the sexuality of the serial, psychopathic, killer is self-

directed. His victims are props, extensions, aides, objects,
and symbols. He interacts with them ritually and, either
before or after the act, transforms his diseased inner dialog
into a self-consistent extraneous catechism. The narcissist
is equally auto-erotic. In the sexual act, he merely
masturbates with other - living - people's bodies.

The narcissist's life is a giant repetition complex. In a

doomed attempt to resolve early conflicts with significant
others, the narcissist resorts to a restricted repertoire of
coping strategies, defense mechanisms, and behaviors. He
seeks to recreate his past in each and every new
relationship and interaction. Inevitably, the narcissist is
invariably confronted with the same outcomes. This
recurrence only reinforces the narcissist's rigid reactive
patterns and deep-set beliefs. It is a vicious, intractable,
cycle.
Correspondingly, in some cases of serial killers, the
murder ritual seemed to have recreated earlier conflicts
with meaningful objects, such as parents, authority
figures, or peers. The outcome of the replay is different to
the original, though. This time, the killer dominates the
situation.

The killings allow him to inflict abuse and trauma on

others rather than be abused and traumatized. He outwits
and taunts figures of authority - the police, for instance.
As far as the killer is concerned, he is merely "getting
back" at society for what it did to him. It is a form of
poetic justice, a balancing of the books, and, therefore, a
"good" thing. The murder is cathartic and allows the killer
to release hitherto repressed and pathologically
transformed aggression - in the form of hate, rage, and
envy.

But repeated acts of escalating gore fail to alleviate the

killer's overwhelming anxiety and depression. He seeks to
vindicate his negative introjects and sadistic superego by
being caught and punished. The serial killer tightens the
proverbial noose around his neck by interacting with law
enforcement agencies and the media and thus providing
them with clues as to his identity and whereabouts. When
apprehended, most serial assassins experience a great
sense of relief.

Serial killers are not the only objectifiers - people who

treat others as objects. To some extent, leaders of all sorts
- political, military, or corporate - do the same. In a range
of demanding professions - surgeons, medical doctors,
judges, law enforcement agents - objectification
efficiently fends off attendant horror and anxiety.
Yet, serial killers are different. They represent a dual
failure - of their own development as full-fledged,
productive individuals - and of the culture and society
they grow in. In a pathologically narcissistic civilization -
social anomies proliferate. Such societies breed malignant
objectifiers - people devoid of empathy - also known as
"narcissists".

APPENDIX - Criteria of Narcissistic Personality

Disorder

An all-pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or

behaviour), need for admiration or adulation and lack of
empathy, usually beginning by early adulthood and
present in various contexts. Five (or more) of the
following criteria must be met:

 Feels grandiose and self-important (e.g.,

exaggerates achievements and talents to the point
of lying, demands to be recognized as superior
without commensurate achievements)
 Is obsessed with fantasies of unlimited success,
fame, fearsome power or omnipotence,
unequalled brilliance (the cerebral narcissist),
bodily beauty or sexual performance (the somatic
narcissist), or ideal, everlasting, all-conquering
love or passion
 Firmly convinced that he or she is unique and,
being special, can only be understood by, should
only be treated by, or associate with, other special
or unique, or high-status people (or institutions)
 Requires excessive admiration, adulation,
attention and affirmation - or, failing that,
wishes to be feared and to be notorious
(narcissistic supply)
  Feels entitled. Expects unreasonable or special and
favorable priority treatment. Demands automatic
and full compliance with his or her expectations
 Is "interpersonally exploitative", i.e., uses others to
achieve his or her own ends
 Devoid of empathy. Is unable or unwilling to
identify with or acknowledge the feelings and
needs of others
 Constantly envious of others or believes that they
feel the same about him or her
 Arrogant, haughty behaviours or attitudes coupled
with rage when frustrated, contradicted, or
confronted

Some of the language in the criteria above is based on

or summarized from:

American Psychiatric Association. (1994). Diagnostic

and statistical manual of mental disorders, fourth
edition (DSM IV). Washington, DC: American
Psychiatric Association.

The text in italics is based on:

Sam Vaknin. (2003). Malignant Self Love - Narcissism

Revisited, third, revised, printing. Prague and Skopje:
Narcissus Publication.

Read this for in-depth information - A Primer on

Narcissism
 Sex or Gender

By: Dr. Sam Vaknin

Alan Pease, author of a book titled "Why Men Don't

Listen and Women Can't Read Maps", believes that
women are spatially-challenged compared to men. The
British firm, Admiral Insurance, conducted a study of half
a million claims. They found that "women were almost
twice as likely as men to have a collision in a car park, 23
percent more likely to hit a stationary car, and 15 percent
more likely to reverse into another vehicle" (Reuters).

Yet gender "differences" are often the outcomes of bad

scholarship. Consider Admiral insurance's data. As
Britain's Automobile Association (AA) correctly pointed
out - women drivers tend to make more short journeys
around towns and shopping centers and these involve
frequent parking. Hence their ubiquity in certain kinds of
claims. Regarding women's alleged spatial deficiency, in
Britain, girls have been outperforming boys in scholastic
aptitude tests - including geometry and maths - since
1988.

On the other wing of the divide, Anthony Clare, a British

psychiatrist and author of "On Men" wrote:
"At the beginning of the 21st century it is difficult to
avoid the conclusion that men are in serious trouble.
Throughout the world, developed and developing,
antisocial behavior is essentially male. Violence, sexual
abuse of children, illicit drug use, alcohol misuse,
gambling, all are overwhelmingly male activities. The
courts and prisons bulge with men. When it comes to
aggression, delinquent behavior, risk taking and social
mayhem, men win gold."

Men also mature later, die earlier, are more susceptible to

infections and most types of cancer, are more likely to be
dyslexic, to suffer from a host of mental health disorders,
such as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD),
and to commit suicide.

In her book, "Stiffed: The Betrayal of the American Man",

Susan Faludi describes a crisis of masculinity following
the breakdown of manhood models and work and family
structures in the last five decades. In the film "Boys don't
Cry", a teenage girl binds her breasts and acts the male in
a caricatural relish of stereotypes of virility. Being a man
is merely a state of mind, the movie implies.

But what does it really mean to be a "male" or a "female"?

Are gender identity and sexual preferences genetically
determined? Can they be reduced to one's sex? Or are they
amalgams of biological, social, and psychological factors
in constant interaction? Are they immutable lifelong
features or dynamically evolving frames of self-reference?
Certain traits attributed to one's sex are surely better
accounted for by cultural factors, the process of
socialization, gender roles, and what George Devereux
called "ethnopsychiatry" in "Basic Problems of
Ethnopsychiatry" (University of Chicago Press, 1980). He
suggested to divide the unconscious into the id (the part
that was always instinctual and unconscious) and the
"ethnic unconscious" (repressed material that was once
conscious). The latter is mostly molded by prevailing
cultural mores and includes all our defense mechanisms
and most of the superego.

So, how can we tell whether our sexual role is mostly in

our blood or in our brains?

The scrutiny of borderline cases of human sexuality -

notably the transgendered or intersexed - can yield clues
as to the distribution and relative weights of biological,
social, and psychological determinants of gender identity
formation.

The results of a study conducted by Uwe Hartmann,

Hinnerk Becker, and Claudia Rueffer-Hesse in 1997 and
titled "Self and Gender: Narcissistic Pathology and
Personality Factors in Gender Dysphoric Patients",
published in the "International Journal of
Transgenderism", "indicate significant psychopathological
aspects and narcissistic dysregulation in a substantial
proportion of patients." Are these "psychopathological
aspects" merely reactions to underlying physiological
realities and changes? Could social ostracism and labeling
have induced them in the "patients"?
The authors conclude:

"The cumulative evidence of our study ... is consistent

with the view that gender dysphoria is a disorder of the
sense of self as has been proposed by Beitel (1985) or
Pfäfflin (1993). The central problem in our patients is
about identity and the self in general and the transsexual
wish seems to be an attempt at reassuring and stabilizing
the self-coherence which in turn can lead to a further
destabilization if the self is already too fragile. In this
view the body is instrumentalized to create a sense of
identity and the splitting symbolized in the hiatus between
the rejected body-self and other parts of the self is more
between good and bad objects than between masculine
and feminine."

Freud, Kraft-Ebbing, and Fliess suggested that we are all

bisexual to a certain degree. As early as 1910, Dr. Magnus
Hirschfeld argued, in Berlin, that absolute genders are
"abstractions, invented extremes". The consensus today is
that one's sexuality is, mostly, a psychological construct
which reflects gender role orientation.

Joanne Meyerowitz, a professor of history at Indiana

University and the editor of The Journal of American
History observes, in her recently published tome, "How
Sex Changed: A History of Transsexuality in the United
States", that the very meaning of masculinity and
femininity is in constant flux.
Transgender activists, says Meyerowitz, insist that gender
and sexuality represent "distinct analytical categories".
The New York Times wrote in its review of the book:
"Some male-to-female transsexuals have sex with men
and call themselves homosexuals. Some female-to-male
transsexuals have sex with women and call themselves
lesbians. Some transsexuals call themselves asexual."

So, it is all in the mind, you see.

This would be taking it too far. A large body of scientific

evidence points to the genetic and biological
underpinnings of sexual behavior and preferences.

The German science magazine, "Geo", reported recently

that the males of the fruit fly "drosophila melanogaster"
switched from heterosexuality to homosexuality as the
temperature in the lab was increased from 19 to 30
degrees Celsius. They reverted to chasing females as it
was lowered.

The brain structures of homosexual sheep are different to

those of straight sheep, a study conducted recently by the
Oregon Health & Science University and the U.S.
Department of Agriculture Sheep Experiment Station in
Dubois, Idaho, revealed. Similar differences were found
between gay men and straight ones in 1995 in Holland and
elsewhere. The preoptic area of the hypothalamus was
larger in heterosexual men than in both homosexual men
and straight women.
According an article, titled "When Sexual Development
Goes Awry", by Suzanne Miller, published in the
September 2000 issue of the "World and I", various
medical conditions give rise to sexual ambiguity.
Congenital adrenal hyperplasia (CAH), involving
excessive androgen production by the adrenal cortex,
results in mixed genitalia. A person with the complete
androgen insensitivity syndrome (AIS) has a vagina,
external female genitalia and functioning, androgen-
producing, testes - but no uterus or fallopian tubes.

People with the rare 5-alpha reductase deficiency

syndrome are born with ambiguous genitalia. They appear
at first to be girls. At puberty, such a person develops
testicles and his clitoris swells and becomes a penis.
Hermaphrodites possess both ovaries and testicles (both,
in most cases, rather undeveloped). Sometimes the ovaries
and testicles are combined into a chimera called ovotestis.

Most of these individuals have the chromosomal

composition of a woman together with traces of the Y,
male, chromosome. All hermaphrodites have a sizable
penis, though rarely generate sperm. Some
hermaphrodites develop breasts during puberty and
menstruate. Very few even get pregnant and give birth.

Anne Fausto-Sterling, a developmental geneticist,

professor of medical science at Brown University, and
author of "Sexing the Body", postulated, in 1993, a
continuum of 5 sexes to supplant the current dimorphism:
males, merms (male pseudohermaphrodites), herms (true
hermaphrodites), ferms (female pseudohermaphrodites),
and females.
Intersexuality (hermpahroditism) is a natural human state.
We are all conceived with the potential to develop into
either sex. The embryonic developmental default is
female. A series of triggers during the first weeks of
pregnancy places the fetus on the path to maleness.

In rare cases, some women have a male's genetic makeup

(XY chromosomes) and vice versa. But, in the vast
majority of cases, one of the sexes is clearly selected.
Relics of the stifled sex remain, though. Women have the
clitoris as a kind of symbolic penis. Men have breasts
(mammary glands) and nipples.

The Encyclopedia Britannica 2003 edition describes the

formation of ovaries and testes thus:

"In the young embryo a pair of gonads develop that are

indifferent or neutral, showing no indication whether they
are destined to develop into testes or ovaries. There are
also two different duct systems, one of which can develop
into the female system of oviducts and related apparatus
and the other into the male sperm duct system. As
development of the embryo proceeds, either the male or
the female reproductive tissue differentiates in the
originally neutral gonad of the mammal."

Yet, sexual preferences, genitalia and even secondary sex

characteristics, such as facial and pubic hair are first order
phenomena. Can genetics and biology account for male
and female behavior patterns and social interactions
("gender identity")? Can the multi-tiered complexity and
richness of human masculinity and femininity arise from
simpler, deterministic, building blocks?

Sociobiologists would have us think so.

For instance: the fact that we are mammals is
astonishingly often overlooked. Most mammalian families
are composed of mother and offspring. Males are
peripatetic absentees. Arguably, high rates of divorce and
birth out of wedlock coupled with rising promiscuity
merely reinstate this natural "default mode", observes
Lionel Tiger, a professor of anthropology at Rutgers
University in New Jersey. That three quarters of all
divorces are initiated by women tends to support this
view.

Furthermore, gender identity is determined during

gestation, claim some scholars.

Milton Diamond of the University of Hawaii and Dr.

Keith Sigmundson, a practicing psychiatrist, studied the
much-celebrated John/Joan case. An accidentally castrated
normal male was surgically modified to look female, and
raised as a girl but to no avail. He reverted to being a male
at puberty.

His gender identity seems to have been inborn (assuming

he was not subjected to conflicting cues from his human
environment). The case is extensively described in John
Colapinto's tome "As Nature Made Him: The Boy Who
Was Raised as a Girl".
HealthScoutNews cited a study published in the
November 2002 issue of "Child Development". The
researchers, from City University of London, found that
the level of maternal testosterone during pregnancy affects
the behavior of neonatal girls and renders it more
masculine. "High testosterone" girls "enjoy activities
typically considered male behavior, like playing with
trucks or guns". Boys' behavior remains unaltered,
according to the study.

Yet, other scholars, like John Money, insist that newborns

are a "blank slate" as far as their gender identity is
concerned. This is also the prevailing view. Gender and
sex-role identities, we are taught, are fully formed in a
process of socialization which ends by the third year of
life. The Encyclopedia Britannica 2003 edition sums it up
thus:

"Like an individual's concept of his or her sex role, gender

identity develops by means of parental example, social
reinforcement, and language. Parents teach sex-
appropriate behavior to their children from an early age,
and this behavior is reinforced as the child grows older
and enters a wider social world. As the child acquires
language, he also learns very early the distinction between
"he" and "she" and understands which pertains to him- or
herself."

So, which is it - nature or nurture? There is no disputing

the fact that our sexual physiology and, in all probability,
our sexual preferences are determined in the womb. Men
and women are different - physiologically and, as a result,
also psychologically.

Society, through its agents - foremost amongst which are

family, peers, and teachers - represses or encourages these
genetic propensities. It does so by propagating "gender
roles" - gender-specific lists of alleged traits, permissible
behavior patterns, and prescriptive morals and norms. Our
"gender identity" or "sex role" is shorthand for the way we
make use of our natural genotypic-phenotypic
endowments in conformity with social-cultural "gender
roles".

Inevitably as the composition and bias of these lists

change, so does the meaning of being "male" or "female".
Gender roles are constantly redefined by tectonic shifts in
the definition and functioning of basic social units, such as
the nuclear family and the workplace. The cross-
fertilization of gender-related cultural memes renders
"masculinity" and "femininity" fluid concepts.

One's sex equals one's bodily equipment, an objective,

finite, and, usually, immutable inventory. But our
endowments can be put to many uses, in different
cognitive and affective contexts, and subject to varying
exegetic frameworks. As opposed to "sex" - "gender" is,
therefore, a socio-cultural narrative. Both heterosexual
and homosexual men ejaculate. Both straight and lesbian
women climax. What distinguishes them from each other
are subjective introjects of socio-cultural conventions, not
objective, immutable "facts".
In "The New Gender Wars", published in the
November/December 2000 issue of "Psychology Today",
Sarah Blustain sums up the "bio-social" model proposed
by Mice Eagly, a professor of psychology at Northwestern
University and a former student of his, Wendy Wood, now
a professor at the Texas A&M University:

"Like (the evolutionary psychologists), Eagly and Wood

reject social constructionist notions that all gender
differences are created by culture. But to the question of
where they come from, they answer differently: not our
genes but our roles in society. This narrative focuses on
how societies respond to the basic biological differences -
men's strength and women's reproductive capabilities -
and how they encourage men and women to follow certain
patterns.

'If you're spending a lot of time nursing your kid', explains

Wood, 'then you don't have the opportunity to devote large
amounts of time to developing specialized skills and
engaging tasks outside of the home.' And, adds Eagly, 'if
women are charged with caring for infants, what happens
is that women are more nurturing. Societies have to make
the adult system work [so] socialization of girls is
arranged to give them experience in nurturing.'
According to this interpretation, as the environment
changes, so will the range and texture of gender
differences. At a time in Western countries when female
reproduction is extremely low, nursing is totally optional,
childcare alternatives are many, and mechanization
lessens the importance of male size and strength, women
are no longer restricted as much by their smaller size and
by child-bearing. That means, argue Eagly and Wood, that
role structures for men and women will change and, not
surprisingly, the way we socialize people in these new
roles will change too. (Indeed, says Wood, 'sex differences
seem to be reduced in societies where men and women
have similar status,' she says. If you're looking to live in
more gender-neutral environment, try Scandinavia.)"
 THE AUTHOR

SHMUEL (SAM) VAKNIN

Curriculum Vitae

Click on blue text to access relevant web sites – thank you.

Born in 1961 in Qiryat-Yam, Israel.

Served in the Israeli Defence Force (1979-1982) in

training and education units.

Education

Graduated a few semesters in the Technion - Israel

Institute of Technology, Haifa.

Ph.D. in Philosophy (major : Philosophy of Physics) -

Pacific Western University, California.
Graduate of numerous courses in Finance Theory and
International Trading.

Certified E-Commerce Concepts Analyst.

Certified in Psychological Counselling Techniques.

Full proficiency in Hebrew and in English.

Business Experience

1980 to 1983

Founder and co-owner of a chain of computerized

information kiosks in Tel-Aviv, Israel.

1982 to 1985

Senior positions with the Nessim D. Gaon Group of

Companies in Geneva, Paris and New-York (NOGA and
APROFIM SA):

- Chief Analyst of Edible Commodities in the Group’s

Headquarters in Switzerland.
- Manager of the Research and Analysis Division
- Manager of the Data Processing Division
- Project Manager of The Nigerian Computerized Census
- Vice President in charge of RND and Advanced
Technologies
- Vice President in charge of Sovereign Debt Financing

1985 to 1986

Represented Canadian Venture Capital Funds in Israel.

1986 to 1987

General Manager of IPE Ltd. in London. The firm

financed international multi-lateral countertrade and
leasing transactions.
1988 to 1990

Co-founder and Director of "Mikbats - Tesuah", a

portfolio management firm based in Tel-Aviv.
Activities included large-scale portfolio management,
underwriting, forex trading and general financial advisory
services.

1990 to Present

Free-lance consultant to many of Israel’s Blue-Chip firms,

mainly on issues related to the capital markets in Israel,
Canada, the UK and the USA.

Consultant to foreign RND ventures and to Governments

on macro-economic matters.

President of the Israel chapter of the Professors World

Peace Academy (PWPA) and (briefly) Israel
representative of the “Washington Times”.

1993 to 1994

Co-owner and Director of many business enterprises:

- The Omega and Energy Air-Conditioning Concern
- AVP Financial Consultants
- Handiman Legal Services
Total annual turnover of the group: 10 million USD.
Co-owner, Director and Finance Manager of COSTI Ltd.
- Israel’s largest computerized information vendor and
developer. Raised funds through a series of private
placements locally, in the USA, Canada and London.

1993 to 1996

Publisher and Editor of a Capital Markets Newsletter

distributed by subscription only to dozens of subscribers
countrywide.

In a legal precedent in 1995 - studied in business schools

and law faculties across Israel - was tried for his role in an
attempted takeover of Israel's Agriculture Bank.

Was interned in the State School of Prison Wardens.

Managed the Central School Library, wrote, published and

lectured on various occasions.

Managed the Internet and International News Department

of an Israeli mass media group, "Ha-Tikshoret and
Namer".
Assistant in the Law Faculty in Tel-Aviv University (to
Prof. S.G. Shoham).

1996 to 1999

Financial consultant to leading businesses in Macedonia,

Russia and the Czech Republic.

Collaborated with the Agency of Transformation of

Business with Social Capital.

Economic commentator in "Nova Makedonija",

"Dnevnik", "Izvestia", "Argumenti i Fakti", "The Middle
East Times", "Makedonija Denes", "The New Presence",
"Central Europe Review" , and other periodicals and in
the economic programs on various channels of
Macedonian Television.

Chief Lecturer in courses organized by the Agency of

Transformation, by the Macedonian Stock Exchange and
by the Ministry of Trade.

1999 to 2002

Economic Advisor to the Government of the Republic of

Macedonia and to the Ministry of Finance.
2001 to present

Senior Business Correspondent for United Press

International (UPI)

Web and Journalistic Activities

Author of extensive Websites in Psychology ("Malignant

Self Love") - An Open Directory Cool Site

Philosophy ("Philosophical Musings")

Economics and Geopolitics ("World in Conflict and

Transition")

Owner of the Narcissistic Abuse Announcement and

Study List and the Narcissism Revisited mailing list (more
than 3900 members)

Owner of the Economies in Conflict and Transition Study

list.

Editor of mental health disorders and Central and Eastern

Europe categories in web directories (Open Directory,
Suite 101, Search Europe).
Columnist and commentator in "The New Presence",
United Press International (UPI), InternetContent,
eBookWeb and "Central Europe Review".

Publications and Awards

"Managing Investment Portfolios in states of Uncertainty",

Limon Publishers, Tel-Aviv, 1988

"The Gambling Industry", Limon Publishers., Tel-Aviv,

1990

"Requesting my Loved One - Short Stories", Yedioth

Aharonot, Tel-Aviv, 1997

"The Macedonian Economy at a Crossroads - On the way

to a Healthier Economy" (with Nikola Gruevski), Skopje,
1998

"Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited", Narcissus

Publications, Prague and Skopje, 1999, 2001, 2002

The Narcissism Series - e-books regarding relationships

with abusive narcissists (Skopje, 1999-2002)
"The Exporters' Pocketbook", Ministry of Trade, Republic
of Macedonia, Skopje, 1999

"The Suffering of Being Kafka" (electronic book of

Hebrew Short Fiction, Prague, 1998)

"After the Rain - How the West Lost the East", Narcissus
Publications in association with Central Europe
Review/CEENMI, Prague and Skopje, 2000

Winner of numerous awards, among them the Israeli

Education Ministry Prize (Literature) 1997, The Rotary
Club Award for Social Studies (1976) and the Bilateral
Relations Studies Award of the American Embassy in
Israel (1978).

Hundreds of professional articles in all fields of finances

and the economy and numerous articles dealing with
geopolitical and political economic issues published in
both print and web periodicals in many countries.

Many appearances in the electronic media on subjects in

philosophy and the Sciences and concerning economic
matters.

Contact Details:

[email protected]
[email protected]
My Web Sites:

Economy / Politics:
http://ceeandbalkan.tripod.com/

Psychology:
http://samvak.tripod.com/index.html

Philosophy:
http://philosophos.tripod.com/

Poetry:
http://samvak.tripod.com/contents.html

Return
 After the Rain
How the West
Lost the East

The Book
This is a series of articles written and published in 1996-2000 in Macedonia, in Russia,
in Egypt and in the Czech Republic.
How the West lost the East. The economics, the politics, the geopolitics, the
conspiracies, the corruption, the old and the new, the plough and the internet – it is all
here, in colourful and provocative prose.
From "The Mind of Darkness":
"'The Balkans' – I say – 'is the unconscious of the world'. People stop to digest this
metaphor and then they nod enthusiastically. It is here that the repressed memories of
history, its traumas and fears and images reside. It is here that the psychodynamics of
humanity – the tectonic clash between Rome and Byzantium, West and East, Judeo-
Christianity and Islam – is still easily discernible. We are seated at a New Year's dining
table, loaded with a roasted pig and exotic salads. I, the Jew, only half foreign to this
cradle of Slavonics. Four Serbs, five Macedonians. It is in the Balkans that all ethnic
distinctions fail and it is here that they prevail anachronistically and atavistically.
Contradiction and change the only two fixtures of this tormented region. The women of
the Balkan - buried under provocative mask-like make up, retro hairstyles and too
narrow dresses. The men, clad in sepia colours, old fashioned suits and turn of the
century moustaches. In the background there is the crying game that is Balkanian
music: liturgy and folk and elegy combined. The smells are heavy with muskular
perfumes. It is like time travel. It is like revisiting one's childhood."
 The Author

Sam Vaknin is the author of Malignant Self Love -

Narcissism Revisited and After the Rain - How the West
Lost the East. He is a columnist for Central Europe
Review and eBookWeb , a United Press International
(UPI) Senior Business Correspondent, and the editor of
mental health and Central East Europe categories in The
Open Directory and Suite101 .

Until recently, he served as the Economic Advisor to the

Government of Macedonia.

Visit Sam's Web site at http://samvak.tripod.com