Negotiation Assertiveness

SAMUEL A. MALONE
NEGOTIATION &
ASSERTIVENESS
PEOPLE SKILLS FOR
MANAGERS
2
Negotiation & Assertiveness: People Skills for Managers
1st edition
© 2018 Samuel A. Malone & bookboon.com
ISBN 978-87-403-2431-0
3
NEGOTIATION & ASSERTIVENESS Contents
CONTENTS
Introduction 6
1 Negotiation 7
1.1 Basic Skills 7
1.2 Negotiation Strategies 11
1.3 Persuasion 13
1.4 Negotiating Mistakes 18
1.5 Summary 22
1.6 Five Steps to Improve Your Negotiation Skills 23
2 Assertiveness 24
2.1 Passive/Assertive/Aggressive 24
2.2 My Bill of Rights 30
2.3 Famous Assertive People 32
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NEGOTIATION & ASSERTIVENESS Contents
2.4 Body Language 37

2.5 Techniques of Assertion 44
2.6 The TAILOR Model 49
2.7 Summary 50
2.8 Five Steps to Improving Your Assertiveness Skills 51
Acknowledgements 52
About the author 53
References and bibliography 54
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NEGOTIATION & ASSERTIVENESS Introduction
INTRODUCTION
The People Skills for Managers series of books are aimed at busy managers who want to
acquire the vital people skills needed for success in a management career. This particular
book covers the skills of negotiation and assertiveness. Each chapter starts with questions
to prime the mind for learning and includes a summary and ends with five practical things
you can do to improve your skills in the specific areas covered. Acronyms, inspirational
quotations, illustrations, examples, diagrams and techniques are sprinkled throughout the
text to further enhance and consolidate the learning process.
Managers spend a significant proportion of their time negotiating with employees, other
managers, customers, employees and trade unions. They thus need to know how to negotiate
effectively and successfully. Some of the basic skills of negotiation include planning, knowing
your opponent, and exploring options. There are numerous negotiation strategies for different
situations. Persuasion skills will help you get others to do willingly what you want them to
do. Support your case by relying on precedent, quoting an impartial authoritative source,
or claiming that it has been conceded to others in the past in similar circumstances.
A good manager knows the difference between passive, aggressive and assertive behaviour.
Passive people are submissive and taken for granted. Aggressive people get angry and upset
at the least provocation. Assertive people assert their rights while respecting the rights of
others. They seek win-win solutions to conflict. The advantages of assertiveness are many
and include expressing yourself confidently without hurting the feelings of others. Knowing
when to be assertive and when to hold your tongue, bite your lip and stay quiet is a vital
survival skill for a manager.
At the end of this book you will be able to:
• Negotiate successfully
• Use the conflict resolution model
• Make a compelling case when negotiating
• Tell the difference between passive, aggressive and assertive behaviour
• Know when it is most useful to be assertive
• Apply the techniques of assertion
Samuel A. Malone August 2018
6
NEGOTIATION & ASSERTIVENESS Negotiation
1 NEGOTIATION
What are the basic skills of negotiation?
What are the negotiation strategies?
How can I persuade someone to my viewpoint?
How can you make a compelling case?
What are the common mistakes of negotiating?
1.1 BASIC SKILLS

Negotiating is a process of bargaining by gradually moving from opposing positions to
conciliatory positions closer together. Unless both parties move and compromise there is
no negotiation. Successful negotiation generally results in a contract. As a manager you
will negotiate with other managers, customers, suppliers, employees, and trade unions. For
example, with suppliers you will negotiate payment terms, quantity, quality, timing, after
sales service, and delivery.
Even in a private capacity you negotiate with your friends, family, children and partner.
Examples include, getting the best deal on a trade-in against a new car, negotiating a pay
rise, negotiating with an auctioneer to buy a house, or seeking estimates from builders for
an extension to your home. Before you negotiate clarify your needs, wants and limits. This
will crystallise the process in your mind enabling you to negotiate with great skill. Use the
acronym POCKET to recall the basic skills needed to be an effective negotiator:
7
• Plan
P
• Opening Position
O
• Communicate
C
• Know Opponent
K
• Explore Options
E
• Terminate
T
Fig. 1.1. Effective Negotiation Skills Model (POCKET)
• Plan. The purpose is to make a deal. The ideal solution is a win-win solution. You
must achieve your critical goals, and the minimum baseline, that you won’t go
below. Also, consider the other party’s target and reservation or reference point (i.e.
a point that they will not go below). In addition, consider your own reservation
point or the lowest point where you are not prepared to go below. Sometimes the
term anchoring is used for this process. This determines the point when you should
walk away. Judge offers based on this benchmark point. The target point is your
goal which you should know before you go into negotiations. This is the point
that it is okay to settle the deal at. Doing your homework is an important part of
planning. Preparation is the key to success and will lead to better outcomes. Ninety
percent of the negotiation process is done before the first meeting. Prior to the
meeting practise reverse role-play, so that you can get into the other person’s mind,
and experience where they are coming from. Have a clear view of the outcomes
you desire. Now weigh up the strategies and tactics you will adopt to achieve your
objectives. Consider where the meeting will be held and the seating arrangements.
A neutral venue is probably the best as the home advantage is avoided. Suitable
seating arrangements should be thought about. A round table promotes an egalitarian,
non-confrontational atmosphere for negotiating. A rectangular table encourages an
adversarial approach with people sitting on opposing sides. If the negotiations are
going to be done by a team, pick the best people with the best skills, abilities and
8
talents for the purpose. People with previous experience as successful negotiators,
will be an obvious choice. The more attractive you are perceived by the other
party the greater your persuasiveness. Attractiveness here includes sense of humour,
friendliness, appearance, dress, attentiveness, sensitivity and competence.
• Opening position. The opening position should be the best possible deal for you
which will give you room for manoeuvre. Before you begin make sure the other
party has the necessary authority to conclude the negotiations, as otherwise you
can waste a lot of time. Know your own needs and what you want to achieve.
Categorise your goals into “must haves” and “desirables.” The “must haves” are
items that you consider critical to the negotiation. Failure to agree on these would
mean the negotiations would fail. It might be useful to classify the “desirables”
into strong and weak. The weak are the ones you would concede first. Be aware
of your own and others perceptions. Avoid partisan or biased viewpoints and see
others as your equal. Aim for a win-win outcome rather than a win-lose outcome.
A win-win outcome satisfies both parties, while a win-lose outcome may store up
resentments and even create enemies for the future. Identify differences between
your point of view and the other party’s point of view. Try to bridge the gap by
identifying common ground and similar values. Create a positive climate and promote
feelings of goodwill and friendship. Establish the facts but read between the lines by
studying body language and innuendo. Maintaining good interpersonal-relationships
is essential, so that mutual trust and respect can be built up. Success in negotiation
depends on confidence. Confidence is reinforced by effective communication and
careful advance planning and helps you work creatively during the process to
optimise the outcome. Never go into a negotiation without knowing what your
BATNA (best alternative to negotiated agreement) is. You are then in a position
to compare the deal made with the planned BATNA. Also, know the other parties
BATNA. A BATNA may be making something in-house rather than through a
subcontractor, stick to a particular price range, resorting to legal means rather than
settling informally, or approaching another buyer. Accept things that are superior
to your BATNA and reject anything that are inferior to your BATNA.
• Communicate. Use your powers of persuasion and be assertive as appropriate.
Speak using clear, concise, constructive and logical language. Avoid technical
jargon, idioms and slang. Sometimes a picture is worth more than a thousand
words – so use visuals as appropriate. Listen attentively. Listening is probably the
most important skill to have. Use the technique of reflective listening such as
“you feel that…” Acknowledge what has been said and felt. Use paraphrasing and
summarising. This will help avoid confrontation, while at the same time giving
you an opportunity to find out what the other party really thinks. Use silence as
necessary to encourage the other person to speak or continue speaking, as silence
creates a vacuum encouraging and even compelling the other person to fill it. Flag
9
or signpost what you are about to say next. Ask and you shall receive. Seek and
you shall find. It is surprising what people will tell you when they are encouraged
to do so, and you take an interest in them. Concessions and self-disclosure on your
part is likely to be reciprocated. Let the other party know what the crucial issues
are for you and how you feel about the issues at hand. Use “I” statements. Respect
confidential information. Avoid emotive language and insults by always maintaining
your composure even in the most trying circumstances. In no circumstances should
you comment on the other party’s approach to and ethics of doing business, way
of life, laws, religion, race and so on.
• Know your opponent. Information is power and is your greatest weapon and so
forewarned is forearmed. Find out as much as you can about the other party and
what they want from the negotiations – their interests, concerns, desires and needs.
Probe for their unarticulated or underlying interests – study the body language for
clues. If there is an organisation involved carry out a due diligence test to find out
their strengths and weaknesses. Help build a positive relationship by respecting
the other person’s point of view. Confirm what their goals are and try to address
their problems and concerns. Identify trade-offs, make concessions, and seek a
compromise. Bargaining is all about compromising and trading concessions. You
offer something to get something in return. A win-win deal will be perceived as
fair and is more likely to be acceptable.
• Explore options by asking ‘what if ’ questions to find out what the other party
would be prepared to settle for. The more options considered the more likely that
a win-win solution will result. Create options that will meet the interests of both
parties. This is part of the process of searching for common ground and coming
up with a workable compromise. Win-win solutions are arrived at through asking
questions, considering alternatives and problem solving. They require openness,
imagination, trust, and goodwill. Most deals are driven by a 50 per cent emotional
need, and a 50 per cent economic need. So, be sensitive to the emotional needs of
the other party. To address the economic needs only promise what you can deliver.
It is good psychology to under promise and over deliver.
• Terminate or conclude the deal. Proposals have been made and concessions given
by both sides. The deal is concluded and commitments made when the option
satisfying both parties is selected. Celebrate agreement with a warm smile and a ready
handshake, with the agreed deal confirmed in writing to avoid misunderstandings
in the future. A good agreement meets the interests of both parties, is demonstrably
fair, better than the BATNA and doable. Memory is notoriously unreliable, and so
the need for written contractual agreements. Copies of the agreements should be
circulated to all interested parties. Relationships are maintained when both parties
stand by their agreement, and this is more likely if the agreement is in writing.
Continue to work cooperatively with the other party to build trust and manage the
10
relationship. Do what you say you’ll do, keep in contact and reaffirm trust. Remain
responsive to the timely identification of problems and negotiation of solutions.
Carry out a post mortem to see what tactics worked and what didn’t. Reflect and
learn from your experience.
“Trades would not take place unless it was advantageous to the parties concerned. Of
course, it is better to strike as good a bargain as one’s bargaining position permits.
The worst outcome is when by overriding greed, no bargain is struck, and a trade
that could have been advantageous to both parties, does not come off at all.”
– Benjamin Franklin
1.2 NEGOTIATION STRATEGIES

A good negotiator will be thoroughly familiar with numerous strategies that can be used
appropriately:
Salami
• Limited Authority
• Withdrawal
Flying a Kite
• Deadlines
• Good Guy-Bad Guy
Standard Contract
• Fait Accompli
Fig. 1.2. Negotiating Strategies
• Salami. This strategy is divide and conquer. Getting one slice at a time and being
patient may mean that eventually you get almost the whole salami. Chunk objectives
down into sub-objectives. It is easier, more manageable, and digestible to agree
things by stages than all at once. As each stage is concluded it can be written up
and put aside. This will give you a feeling of accomplishment, and motivate you
forward to achieve more sub-goals. Then concentrate on the next stage. Start with
the items where there is little disagreement.
• Limited authority. This is a ploy where you pretend that you have to refer back to a
higher authority for approval. The strategy may backfire in that the other party may
11
call your bluff and insist that they go to the higher authority. Pre-empt the other
party from employing this strategy by enquiring what power and level of authority
they have at the start of the negotiations. If you find they have insufficient power
and authority, then you should stop the negotiation and insist that you negotiate
with the person with the power.
• Withdrawal. This is the sham of taking umbrage at what is being said, or what is
being offered, and then storming out of the negotiations giving the impression that
the process is over. You may believe that the offer on the table is not reasonable
and the withdrawal gives the other party time to reconsider. It may be used as a
tactic hoping to get a better offer on return. The success of the ploy depends on
one’s acting ability, and determination to persist.
• Pretence by ‘flying a kite’ to gauge a situation. This might be a ploy to gauge
a reaction to a proposal by testing the waters and so finding out what the other
party’s attitude is towards the negotiation. If the proposal is not agreeable then
it can be dropped. It’s based on the principle of “you don’t know how deep the
puddle is until you step in it.” Unions usually come in with a high wage demand
partly to test the waters and see what reaction they’ll get from the employer. It
also gives them space to manoeuvre. Politicians do it all the time. They leak some
“confidential information” about a proposed new controversial policy or tax to see
what the voting public’s reaction is likely to be. If the reaction is favourable they
will then pursue the policy. If the reaction is negative they will quietly drop it and
hope the public will quickly forget it.
• Deadlines. A specific deadline will concentrate minds and energies. However,
deadlines are nearly always negotiable. If the other party has set the deadline you
can always test it to see if it can be changed. The Brexit negotiations between Britain
and the EU is prolonged and difficult with little progress up to June 2018. Consider
the Northern Ireland Belfast Agreement (10 April 1988) talks where brinkmanship
was the name of the game with the deadlines continually being pushed back.
Determination and persistence to get an acceptable result won through in the end.
• Good guy-bad guy or the hard line versus the soft line. This is often the scene
in cop films where two cops are interrogating a criminal suspect. One detective acts
the nice guy to win approval, while the other acts the tough guy to break down
the suspect’s resistance. Sometimes the good guy may ask the bad guy to calm
down in a seemingly gesture of support for the bad guy. Similarly, in negotiations
one person may take the soft line and be friendly, approachable and reasonable,
while the other takes a hard line being difficult, threatening and uncompromising.
When the hard-liner leaves the room, the other person offers a deal that in the
circumstances looks comparatively attractive. This may backfire as when the person
taking the hard line is ignored completely, and all the negotiation is done with the
person taking the soft line.
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• Standard contract. A standard contract suggests it can’t be changed. Saying this is

the norm for the industry implies that everybody accepts it without question, and
that you should also do so. An employer may make a pay offer claiming it’s what
has been accepted generally in the industry. People like to follow the lead of similar
or like-minded people. It fact, it may be possible to negotiate more favourable
conditions. Details of the standard contract can usually be changed and negotiated
to accommodate the needs of both sides.
• Fait accompli. The deed is done and is irreversible. It’s like taking your car to the
garage to get an estimate for repairs, but when you go back to collect your car you
find that the job has been done. This may backfire in that you are entitled to insist
that they were not authorised to repair the car until after you had seen the estimate
and agreed it. However, most people don’t like the prospect of an acrimonious
dispute and causing upset, and just accept it as a fait accompli. Builders have been
known to demolish buildings with a preservation order and contrary to planning
laws. This is a risky strategy and can go very wrong if the planning authority insists
on the building being reinstated!
“In good deal making, 90% of the real negotiation

happens before you sit down to negotiate.”
– Lesly Stolz, Ph.D.
1.3 PERSUASION
There are many approaches you can adopt to persuade others to your viewpoint. Persuasion is
the art of influencing or getting what you want. Negotiation is central to gaining agreement
and exercising influence. The ability to influence others, resolve conflict and compromise
is the essence of negotiations and the core of successful business. People are more likely to
conclude agreements with those that they like, befriend, trust and respect. The following
are some of the persuasion techniques commonly used:
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Other’s
Style Talking/ Viewpoint Adjournments Summarise
Listening Probing Compromise Read Mood
Questions
Fig. 1.3. Persuasion techniques
• Style. There are two basic styles – competitive and co-operative. The competitive
style is tough, confrontational, adversarial, and aggressive. It assumes the pie for
sharing is finite and aims for a win-lose outcome. The co-operative style takes an
integrative problem-solving approach and aims for an agreed solution. This style
assumes the pie for sharing is expanding and aims for a win-win outcome. Back
up your arguments by reference to authority figures, with case studies as well as
hard evidence and deliver your message in a confident and authoritative way. Seek

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to be friendly, reasonable and collaborative and build up rapport. For example,

when productivity deals are agreed with trade unions both the company and the
workers benefit. Productivity increases the wealth of the company for sharing with
managers, employees and shareholders alike, so that everybody gains.
• Talking/listening. To persuade someone you need to spend about half the time
talking and listening. In fact, you should give the other party the opportunity
to talk more than you. People like the sound of their own voice and are more
likely to be persuaded if they are given plenty of opportunity to speak, as they are
surprised when they come across somebody who actually patiently listens to what
they have to say and proves it by responding in a meaningful way. The aim of a
good negotiator is to build a good lasting relationship with the other party. Say
the right thing at the right time and in the right place. Remember not to say the
wrong thing at the wrong moment.
• Get the other person’s point of view. Pay attention to what the other party is saying
and try to see the world through their eyes. Show empathy for the position they
are in. Stress the benefits of your proposals to meeting their needs by emphasising
what’s in it for them.
• Probing questions. Use probing questions to assess the strengths and weaknesses of
the other person’s argument. Focus in on their weaknesses to dilute the strength of
their arguments. Do this in an unobtrusive and sensitive way, as you do not want to
antagonise them. Give two-sided arguments with intelligent people but demonstrate
how the counter arguments are invalid. Don’t presuppose that you know what the
other party is thinking or looking for, as reading minds is extremely difficult and
counter-productive. Instead, ask them what they want from the negotiation, as
knowledge is power to be used with advantage.
• Adjournments. These can be used for rest, recreation or coffee breaks to discuss
proposals or develop and consider solutions. They can also be used to break a
deadlock, or to consider new information presented by the other party. Breaks give
people time to cool down, socialise, relax and reflect on both sides of the argument
in a dispassionate fashion. Also, a bit of humour will help the negotiations along.
We like people who make us feel at ease by making us laugh, and are, therefore,
more likely to be influenced by them. When we are laughing we are less likely to
be thinking of counter arguments and be more receptive to ideas.
• Win compromise by making concessions. It’s better to sell the wool than the
sheep. Bargaining is all about give and take and making trade-offs. When people
receive they like to reciprocate in return. The ability to bargain is a managerial
skill necessary for personal and organisational success. Back up your case with
information, facts and logic, to make it as compelling and bullet-proof as possible.
Using logic is non-threatening, and, therefore, relationships are more likely to
remain positive. Great negotiators always have a sweetener in reserve to win over
15
support and clinch a deal. Putting all “the cards on the table” at an early stage in
the negotiations is not a good idea. Trading mutually advantageous concessions
is the hallmark of professional negotiation. If appropriate, emphasise the scarcity
value of some of the concessions given, as items perceived to be hard to win tend
to have more persuasive value and appeal.
• Summarise in writing what has been agreed so far in the negotiations. This is a
public declaration of commitment that people will feel obliged to honour. It will
also record and consolidate your position to-date and prevent the parties from
going back over old ground. It also acts as an aide memoir that people can refer
to rather than relying on their fallible memory.
• Reaching agreement. Timing is very important, and so you will need to gauge
that the mood is favourable before you decide to conclude. The posture, gestures
and facial expression, of the other party should provide clues as to when the right
moment for agreement has arrived. When you have agreed, test the understanding
of the other party to make sure you are of the same mind. Establish monitoring
and review procedures to ensure that the agreement is implemented satisfactorily.
“Your ability to negotiate, communicate, influence, and persuade others

to do things is absolutely indispensable to everything you accomplish in
life. The most effective men and women in every area are those who can
quite competently organise the co-operation and assistance of other people
toward the accomplishment of important goals and objectives.”
– Brian Tracey
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SUPPORTING YOUR CASE
Supporting Your Supporting Your

Case Case
State Explicitly Support With

What U Want Facts
Use Precedents,
Examples or Industry Norm
Case Studies
Acknowledge
Similar Situations What Other Side
Sees as Important
Fig. 1.4. Making Your Case
The following are some tips to make your case more compelling.
• State explicitly and clearly what you want. Have a clear, consistent vision of your
goals. Great leaders have compelling visions that inspire others. Don’t assume
that the other party is a mind reader. In fact, nobody can read another person’s
mind. So be specific and candid about your wants and needs. Remember that first
impressions are critical – so make sure you create a good one.
• Use precedents, examples, stories, visuals, authority figures, or case studies, from
comparable situations to back up your case. These will illustrate and support your
case and make it more forceful, meaningful, understandable and compelling.
• Support your case with impartial facts researched from an eminent reliable source.
Be fair and consistent in your argument. This makes your case more tenable. Make
a clear and explicit conclusion to your argument.
• Make the case that it is the industry norm and thus widely acceptable. For example,
a trade union may refer to comparable percentage increases obtained by other
workers in the same industry that year. This makes your case more reasonable,
pallatable and factual.
• Support your case by demonstrating that it has been conceded to others in a similar
situation in the past. This shows your case has some merit. During all this time
show that you are fair and consistent, trustworthy and professional.
• Acknowledge what the other side sees as important so that they feel their point
of view is being considered. Ascertain their needs and priorities. Identify areas of
agreement and disagreement to the satisfaction of both sides. This demonstrates that
you are listening and concerned to arrive at a satisfactory conclusion to the process.
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“Negotiation is hardly ever a one-time transaction. It is a process that

begins from the first impression you make when you meet a new contact
and continues to the moment that both parties sign off on a deal.”
– Alaina G. Levine
1.4 NEGOTIATING MISTAKES

The following are some of the mistakes you may make when negotiating:
Win-lose
attitude
Mistakes:
Attitude
Seeing your
Too-
side as more
committed
talented
Fig. 1.5 Negotiation Mistakes – Attitude
18
ATTITUDE
• Adopting a win-lose attitude. You view negotiation only as getting the best deal for
yourself, and as a contest to beat the other side. This is likely to create an antagonistic
atmosphere in the negotiating room. Consequently, you miss opportunities for a
mutually beneficial trade-off.
• You are too committed to your viewpoint and unable to objectively consider other’s
point of view. You are stubbornly stuck in an entrenched position, without being
able to see the possibilities for breakthrough, with no give and take, or win-win
values. As a result, you win the battle and lose the war. The other party is dissatisfied
and will be waiting in ambush to retaliate in the future.
• Seeing your own side as more intelligent, talented and capable than the other. For
example, if you see the other side as stubborn, the self-fulfilling prophecy may
operate, so that the other side lives up to your expectations and behaves in an
inflexible and uncooperative fashion.
POOR PEOPLE SKILLS
Abusive
language
Not
Irritators
listening
Poor People
Skills
Patronise No trust
Ignore
signs of
conflict
Fig. 1.6. Negotiation Mistakes – Poor people skills
19
• Using abusive behaviour. Being confrontational and continually interrupting the

other party. You are prone to argue, get angry, and lose your temper. This is not
the way to win friends and influence people. Even your body language may show
coldness, indifference, and inadvertent signals of lack of trust, disrespect, and hostility.
Building good relationships and mutual respect should be your aim and should
not be betrayed by inappropriate body language. Remember that your emotions
are written all over your face.
• Not listening attentively to the other person’s point of view and finding out exactly
what they want. You engage in a monologue rather than a dialogue instead of
using appropriate insightful questions and silence to engage the other party and
ascertain their concerns.
• You fail to build up a trusting respectful relationship. Trust is at the heart of
negotiation. If we are suspicious or wary of people we may find it extremely difficult
to engage and make agreements with them. The use of honest self-disclosure is likely
to contribute to the creation of trust and respect. People are influenced more by
people they consider friendly, truthful, mannerly and transparent.
• You ignore the signs of conflict and fail to defuse situations. You personalise issues
by concentrating on the person’s physical appearance or personality rather than
their behaviour. Be soft on the person but hard on their unacceptable behaviour
or abusive language.
• You patronise the other person. This is often evident when the other party is a
woman, or when a specialist is dealing with a non-specialist and is contemptuous
of their lack of knowledge and technical language.
• Using irritators. Irritators are words or phrases used by one side that get under
the skin, irritate, annoy or offend the other. Examples include phrases such as,
‘unreasonable demand,’ ‘very fair offer,’ and ‘you are being unhelpful.’ Often people
use these without any thought and don’t realise the annoying and negative effect
they have on others.
“Effective negotiation is 90% attitude and 10% technique.
– Lesley Stolz, Ph.D.
20
PLANNING
Preparation
Impatience Objectives
Planning
Poor
No
problem-
contingency
solving
plans
skills
Fig. 1.7. Negotiation Mistakes – Planning
• Poor preparation. Information is power while ignorance leads to exploitation. You

fail to do your homework, establish the facts, do a due diligence and get quality
information. This helps you identify key issues, which can be addressed and resolved
early. You jump to conclusions. In other words, you blindly go into a situation
without having and considering all the necessary facts and the options available –
agree in haste, repent at leisure. Failure to plan is planning to fail, and so you
should carefully and meticulously plan the negotiation process.
• Lack of clear objectives. You need to know your goals and bottom line or anchor
point as otherwise you may agree to something you don’t want. You also need to
know the goals of the other party and what their base line is – the minimum they
are prepared to accept.
• You don’t anticipate or foresee what deadlocks are likely to emerge, and therefore
have no contingency plans in place to deal with them. You should always have
a fall-back position to help you come back no matter what happens. Things will
seldom go according to plan and you must be ready to deal with unexpected and
often difficult situations.
21
• You have poor problem-solving and decision-making skills and thus don’t approach
issues in a rational systematic way. You are unfamiliar with the basic techniques
and process for negotiation. You are swept along by a tide of emotion rather than
by facts, logic and reason.
• Impatience. Negotiations can be a tedious and trying process. The slow and
steady tortoise often wins the race. Patience, persistence, attention to detail and
thoroughness in your approach will see you successfully through in the end. You
lack the flexibility to believe that in certain circumstances everything is achievable
and probably negotiable. The law of expectancy suggests that those who expect
good outcomes are more likely to get them while those who don’t expect good
outcomes are more likely fail.
“Always anticipate that the other side will use surprise as a tactic. You
will come across as cool and collected no matter what happens.”
– Jack Pachuta
1.5 SUMMARY
The basic skills of negotiation can be recalled by the acronym POCKET. There are numerous
negotiating strategies that you can use in different situations. These are salami, limited
authority, withdrawal, pretence, deadlines, good guy-bad guy, standard contract and fait
accompli. Persuasion skills will help you get others to do what you want. Some of these
include creating good relationships, making concessions, and summarising what has been
agreed to date. A cooperative collaborative style is recommended.
Support your case by relying on precedent, quoting an impartial eminent source, or claiming
that it has been conceded to others in the past in similar circumstances. The possible outcomes
of negotiation are win-win, win-lose, compromise and failure to reach an agreement. The
types of negotiating situations can be one-to-one and team based. There are many mistakes
to avoid when negotiating including poor preparation and failure to compromise.
22
1.6 FIVE STEPS TO IMPROVE YOUR NEGOTIATION SKILLS
1. Learn the basic skills of negotiating by memorising and practising the skills and
behaviours in the POCKET acronym. This will help you become a more effective
negotiator.
2. Chunk the negotiating objectives into sub-objectives and as agreement is reached
record them in writing. This will win commitment and save time by preventing you
from backtracking.
3. When using a team approach to negotiation have one person take the lead, the
second presents the case, and the third will observe and take notes.
4. Become familiar with the range of common mistakes people make when negotiating,
and make sure you do not commit them. These are well known and should be
avoided if you wish to be a successful negotiator.
5. When making a case support it with precedent, BATNA, case studies, reputable
sources, accepted industry practice, or the fact that it has been conceded in
similar circumstances. Explicit signs of advance planning and preparation impress
negotiating parties.
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NEGOTIATION & ASSERTIVENESS Assertiveness
2 ASSERTIVENESS
What is the difference between passive, aggressive and assertive?
What does being assertive involve?
What are the assertive non-verbal behaviours?
What are the techniques of assertion?
What is the TAILOR model?
2.1 PASSIVE/ASSERTIVE/AGGRESSIVE
As a continuum of styles this is classified as passive/assertive/aggressive. The two extremes
at both ends of the spectrum are passive and aggressive. Step back and consider where you
fall on the continuum in most situations. If you want to feel good about yourself, and
gain the respect of others, you should aim to be in the middle of this continuum and so
be assertive without being nasty, pushy or rude.
Aggressive Passive
Assertive
Fig. 2.1. Passive/Aggressive/Assertive Model
PASSIVE
The first item on the continuum is passiveness. Many women are taught from an early age
to be agreeable, considerate, complacent, compliant, polite and put others’ needs first. In
contrast, men are often taught to be the opposite: – aggressive, strong, macho and competitive
and put their own needs first. Being passive may help you avoid conflict but at the cost of
feeling inferior, helpless, at the beck and call of others and out of control. When passive
you do not take responsibility for your own decisions and allow other people to walk all
over you, treat you like a doormat and make decisions for you. When you fail to stand up
for your rights people will exploit and take advantage of you.
24
Passive people are usually liked but not respected. Passive behaviour communicates a message
of lack of confidence and inferiority and makes you prone to abuse of some kind. Some
organisations provide assertiveness training for women to help them compete more effectively
with men. These programmes can also cater for the needs of unassertive shy male employees.
Bear in mind that some organisations norms and national cultures may prefer people to
be passive and may view assertive behaviour as unacceptable, rude or even offensive. The
following are some of the behaviours passive people display:
Dont Express
Shy
Feelings
I win u lose Treated like a

agenda doormat
Dont stand up They find it

for themselves difficult to say No
Fig. 2.2. Passive People
• Passive people may have been taught as children that their needs were unimportant
and that putting them first was selfish. Early conditioning by parents and other
significant adults in their lives taught them to be seen, barely tolerated and not
heard. Consequently, they tend to grow up to be shy, diffident, unobtrusive and
unassertive adults. They feel their opinions are worthless and without merit.
• They have a you-win and I lose agenda, and let other people control and dominate
their lives, as they believe that they are inferior to others. This means that they do
not stand up for their rights and as a consequence other people take advantage of
their shortcomings and exploit this weakness.
• They fail to stand up for themselves and adopt the role and attitude of helpless
victim or martyr. They worry incessantly about what others might think and are
reluctant to upset people and thus avoid conflict at all costs. They compromise and
accommodate others views in the interests of harmony, peace and friendship. They
25
allow their human rights to be violated and find it very difficult to say “no”. They
often say yes when they mean no. Thus, they finish up reluctantly doing things
they don’t really want to do.
• They don’t express their honest feelings, needs, values or concerns. They agree to
things contrary to their own feelings and wishes and subjugate their feelings to the
feelings of others. They allow others to violate their space, continually interrupt
them, deny their rights and ignore their needs. They avoid controversial issues and
suppress their resentment when they have been treated unfairly. Secretly they are
seething underneath because of the unfair treatment they are receiving but fail to
do anything about it.
• They are treated like a doormat being constantly afraid to rock the boat. When in
doubt they clam up and agree rather than debate their case assertively, explain their
feelings and explore the issue. They are submissive and so concerned with being
liked and accepted that they always go out of their way to please others. They tend
to be inoffensive and taken for granted. Most people only respect others who are
prepared to stand up for themselves.
ASSERTIVE
The middle item on the continuum is assertiveness. According to the Oxford Dictionary,
assertiveness can be defined as “confident and forceful behaviour.” In the context of
Psychology, assertiveness is self-expression which is direct, firm, positive – and, when necessary,
persistent – action intended to promote equality in person-to-person situations.” Assertive
behaviour is based on balance. Getting the degree of assertiveness right is a challenge for
all of us. It means balancing your wants and needs while respecting the rights, needs and
wants of others. Your rights, thoughts, feelings, needs, and desires are just as important as
anybody else’s, but not more important.
You are assertive when you do not let others control you, when you courageously stand
up for your rights while respecting the rights of others and when you express your feelings
openly and honestly and without rancour. Assertiveness is a skill anybody can learn. It is
logical rather than emotional. You can train yourself to be more assertive. Practise being
more assertive on a friend or family in a neutral non-threatening situation. Rehearse what
you want to say. Consider role-play with a friend or colleague and ask them for honest
feedback. Of course, you can also take a formal course on assertiveness.
A contingency approach to assertiveness may apply. The optimum level of assertiveness will
vary from situation to situation. Different situations call for different levels of assertiveness.
A manager’s style of assertiveness will vary across a range of situations, including dealing
26
with staff, superiors, unions, customers and suppliers. Some situations clearly call for
conciliation and accommodation while others call for vigorous resistance and competitiveness.
An effective and successful manager will be able to calibrate the ideal level of assertiveness
to the varying demands of interpersonal situations they are confronted with. For example,
an effective manager must assertively define goals and issue work commands to get things
done on an ongoing basis otherwise he may lose credibility.
The win-win approach is the assertive one. Assertive people try to achieve fair play for
everyone without manipulating or exploiting others. Assertive people are respected but not
necessarily liked. There is a high correlation between assertion, confidence and self-esteem.
Also, there is a positive correlation between age and assertiveness. This is probably because
older people have acquired more wisdom and experience in standing up for their rights
in various situations and have more experience in how to do so in an appropriate and
acceptable way.
“Be not too sweet, lest people swallow you up, yet not too bitter lest they spit you out.”
– An old proverb.
Assertive people act in the various ways as illustrated in the following diagram:
Focus on
Assert Attitude Don’t
Win-Win solutions
rights everybody respond to
solutions rather than
mannerly is equal anger
problems
Fig. 2.4. Assertive People
• They assert rights tactfully by communicating calmly, clearly, mannerly, directly and
honestly. They do not wish to offend or take advantage of others, accept defeat
gracefully while all the time being polite, gracious and mannerly in their dealings
with others. They are self-assured and self-confident and get their point across
firmly, fairly and with empathy.
27
• They seek out win-win solutions to conflict and do not wish to exploit the
vulnerabilities and weaknesses of others. Thus, assertive people actively listen,
patiently explain themselves clearly, and invite others to jointly work towards a
common acceptable solution.
• They adopt an attitude that everybody is of equal value, deserves respect and
consideration, and thus they accept the right of others to disagree with them. They
give and receive in equal measure and are slow to hold resentments and grudges.
• Assertive people tackle issues promptly and focus on solutions rather than problems.
They are logical and stick to the facts while avoiding sudden emotional outbursts.
They know that anger only adds fuel to the fire without making a contribution to
a satisfactory solution but merely aggravates the situation.
• They refuse to be intimidated, upset and frightened by the aggressive actions of
others. They refuse to respond to and get caught up in the anger of others but instead
prefer to remain calm in the face of provocation, abusive and insulting language.
“Assertiveness is not what you do, it’s who you are.”
– Cal Le Mon
AGGRESSIVE
The third item on the continuum is aggressiveness. Aggressive people do whatever is in their
own best interests without regard or consideration for the rights, needs, feelings or desires
of other people. Aggressive behaviour includes arguing, blaming, bullying, accusing, name
calling, sarcasm, insulting and threatening and a general disregard for the feelings and rights
of others. In our culture men are taught to be strong and equate strength with confrontation,
competition, aggression, standing your own ground and manliness. Some women working
in male dominated places of employment adopt a male persona in order to gain attention
and compete on an equal footing. The boss who places work on your desk the day before
you are going on holidays, demanding that it be done straight away, is being unreasonable
and aggressive. The timing is insensitive showing little regard for your needs and feelings.
Aggression often breeds counter aggression and in extreme cases violence and may create
resentment and lifelong enemies. It also creates bitterness, unnecessary arguments and the
desire to exact revenge. Many people tolerate aggressive people because they are afraid
to confront them. Aggressive people are neither liked nor respected but often secretly
hated and despised. In the work context an aggressive style by a manager may be seen as
intimidation, bullying, abuse or harassment and is thus no longer acceptable. Managers
28
should be assertive rather than aggressive. Assertion will lead to harmony while aggression
may lead to conflict, grievance, industrial relations disputes and litigation. The following
are typical aggressive behaviours:
Always wants Rude & Obsessed with Desire self-

final word sarcastic themselves enhancement
Fig. 2.3. Aggressive People
• Aggressive people may insist on always having the final word and try to dominate
and manipulate others. They always feel they are right and others are wrong. They
have no regard for the rights, feelings, desires or wishes of others and are only
interested in getting their own selfish way.
• They almost always win an argument, speak in a high tone and can be abusive,
rude, loud, inconsiderate and sarcastic. They are easily aroused, annoyed and upset,
becoming angry and abusive at the least provocation. They may shout or employ
bully tactics to get their own way. Remember, you have no control over others
peoples’ behaviour and make sure you do not react to them in a similar way. Just
because somebody is rude and inconsiderate to you doesn’t mean you should be
the same to them. Control your emotions and be respectful at all times.
• Aggressive people insist that their feelings and needs are more important than others.
Consequently, they fail to listen to others because they are focused on themselves
and obsessed and consumed by their own wants, needs and desires.
• They desire self-enhancement at other’s expense displaying an I win-you lose approach.
They habitually cut across and interrupt people before they finish speaking. They
are bereft of graciousness and manners and the ordinary civilities of normal living.
They are offensive, unpleasant and insensitive and thus lose the respect of others.
They may openly criticise or find fault with others’ ideas, opinions, or behaviours.
“The basic difference between being assertive and being aggressive is how
our words and behaviour affect the rights and well-being of others.”
– Sharon Anthony Bower
29
PASSIVE/AGRESSIVE
This is a blend of two and is implicit rather than explicit. Passive/aggressive people feel
angry and a sense of injustice when their needs are not met, but instead of speaking up or
behaving aggressively they express anger or rage in an indirect or underhand way. People
can use the grapevine to spread gossip in order to undermine, devalue or hurt a person’s
reputation. Similarly, output or work can be intentionally sabotaged in a subtle way without
others being consciously aware of what is going on. People can slow down work, ignore
advice or damage the efforts of others surreptitiously.
Another type of passive/aggressive behaviour is sarcasm as in saying one thing and meaning
the opposite in order to be hurtful, insulting or cutting. They may use spite, backbiting
and vindictiveness to vent their frustration. However, you should remain cool, calm and
collected. Mentally strong people know and live by their values and beliefs – even when
confronted with insulting and sarcastic people. They know that maintaining their integrity
is the key to inner peace. Therefore, you should ignore these types of people and never
stoop to their level.
A 2016 study by Michigan State University found that incivility spreads if you take it to
heart. The researchers found that individuals who were subjected to sarcasm and put downs
wasted their mental energy trying to interpret the individual’s intentions. Passive/aggressive
people may engage in manipulative behaviour to serve their own ends, by procrastinating
purposefully, co-operating reluctantly, forgetting intentionally, working inefficiently and
blaming others for their shortcomings. They may also sulk and use emotional blackmail
to get their way. Sometimes they may act in a superficial friendly way being unwilling to
confront others and cause a scene.
2.2 MY BILL OF RIGHTS
Knowing your rights is an important part of exercising your power of assertion. The basic
human rights apply to all mankind irrespective of class, gender, race or nationality. They
are not new or revolutionary but have been known for many years. They have evolved over
30
thousands of years influenced by the Greeks, the Bible, the French Revolution and the
American Revolution. They follow the principles of democracy and natural justice.
You have the right to:
• Be firm but fair and flexible.

• Believe in your own self-efficacy and competence to do the job.
• Take responsibility for yourself but not for others on the principle that people are
responsible for their own actions and their consequences.
• Express your views, attitudes, beliefs, opinions, emotions and feelings in a direct,
unapologetic and honest way. You have a right to tell others on how you wish to
be treated.
• Allow yourself to be human and make the occasional mistake.
• Look for information, advice or help when you need to do so.
• Respect the dignity of yourself and others. Have the right to have positive, satisfying
relationships and the right to change or end relationships if they don’t meet your
needs.
• Recognise your own and other’s needs. Ask for what you want. Others have the right
to refuse.
• Say “No,” “I don’t know,” or “I don’t understand, without feeling guilty, shameful
or apologetic. Refuse unreasonable requests. Stop others from being patronising or
taking advantage of you.
• Request time to think things over. Decisions made in haste may be regretted at leisure.
• Change your mind or decide on a different course of action. Circumstances change
as more information becomes available and so should viewpoints. It is silly to believe
that changing your mind is always a betrayal of your principles or word.
• Not depend on others. In a society we do depend on others but at the same time
we should always try to be as self-reliant and self-sufficient as possible. This means
that you have a right to decide how to lead your life.
• Handle aggression with assertion. Handling aggression with aggression only adds
fuel to the fire.
• Have your own priorities that may be expressed in the form of a mission, vision or
goals.
• Get what you pay for. The law protects this right through consumer legislation in
many countries.
• Compromise as appropriate because it’s the most equitable and best thing to do in
the current circumstances.
• Object to gender stereotyping. Being asked to do something because you’re a woman.
For example, being asked to make the tea in the office.
Knowing your rights and the principles of democracy and natural justice underlying them
will give you a sound basis to be more assertive and self-confident. Remind yourself that
you are perfectly within your rights to have needs and to express them positively to people
in a position to respond.
31
“Joint undertakings stand a better chance when they benefit both sides.”
– Euripides
2.3 FAMOUS ASSERTIVE PEOPLE

Assertion is an important aspect of interpersonal relationship skills essential for success in life
and in work. Being assertive helps you stay in control and win respect. Personal credibility is
enhanced if you come across as calm, confident, rational, impartial, forceful and determined.
Historical figures such as Gandhi, Dr. Martin Luther King and Mrs. Rosa Parks achieved
great political and social change in their lifetimes by being assertive when appropriate, using
non-violent means.
Mahatma Gandhi, though one of the gentlest of men, used great assertiveness and determination
to win independence for India from Britain without striking a blow proving that peaceful
assertiveness rather than aggression can reap great results. Gandhi’s life is a testament to
the fact that one totally committed person can take on the might of an Empire, bring it
to its knees and in the process change the course of a nation’s history.
On the 1st December, 1955, Mrs. Rossa Parks asserted her human rights under natural
justice and refused to give up her bus seat to a white person, and thus triggered off the
Civil Rights Movement led by Dr. Martin Luther King in the USA. The bus driver had her
arrested for violating the state segregation laws. This led to a boycott of the Montgomery
bus service by blacks that lasted for 382 days. It brought the Bus Company to its knees
and changed the segregation laws and American history forever. In December 1956, the
Supreme Court decided that bus segregation violated the constitution. The Civil Rights
Movement came into being and eight years later the Civil Rights Act of 1964 was passed.
This gave all Americans, irrespective of colour, race, nationality or religion, the right for
equal treatment under the law. Mrs. Rossa Park’s life demonstrates how an ordinary person
with assertiveness, purpose, extraordinary determination and resolution can achieve so much.
These people won the respect and admiration of people throughout the world because
they conducted their demonstrations in an assertive, peaceful and dignified manner. They
attracted large national and international support and media attention to pursue their aims.
They refused to react in like fashion to the aggression and violence committed against them
but instead continued on with their peaceful protest. On the other hand, Charles Darwin
proved to be non-assertive when he postponed publishing his theory of evolution for many
years because he was afraid of public scorn and disapproval and upsetting the establishment
32
including the scientific community and the Church. It is only when Alfred Russel Wallace
was about to come out with an almost identical theory that he felt compelled to publish
On the Origin of Species.
ADVANTAGES OF BEING ASSERTIVE
Deal Effectively
Progress in
with Pushy Gain Respect
Career
Salesperson
Achieve Enhanced Increased

Objectives Self-esteem Confidence
Able to Refuse
Negotiate a
Reduce Stress Request
Pay Rise
Gracefully
Fig. 2.5. Advantages of Being Assertive
• It will help managers to win respect and progress in their career. Assertive managers
get things done by treating people fairly and respectfully and are treated likewise in
return. Therefore, they are well-liked and seen as leaders that people want to work
with. If there are two managers with similar education and experience it is likely
that the more assertive one will get the prestigious assignments and promotion.
The more assertive person attracts the attention of those in authority and those
with the power to make decisions.
• You can achieve your objectives in a corporate or social situation. If you are shy and
diffident you are unlikely to create the opportunity to impress powerful people or
convince others of the forcefulness or soundness of your point of view. In corporate
and social situations, the majority of people stay quiet, while the brash and loudest
get their points of view across at the expense of others. In an organisation this can
be problematic because potential flaws in a proposal may go unnoticed because
of fear of backlash or hurting someone’s feelings. Everybody has unique strengths,
33
talents and insights that they can bring to the table and therefore have valuable
contributions to make.
• You can negotiate a pay rise, a budget allocation, promotion, negotiate successful win-
win solutions, ask a colleague to do their fair share of the work, not allow someone
to interrupt, or get a topic discussed at a meeting. Assertive people recognise the
value of their opponent’s point-of-view and can quickly find common ground. Self-
employed people need assertiveness to pitch for jobs, market themselves, negotiate
rates and build up a roster of clients. Passive or shy people are unlikely to have the
social skills to do so and consequently suffer a significant loss.
• You can deal effectively with a pushy salesperson whether on the doorstep or on
the phone. Use the “thank you, but no” technique and then close the door or put
down the phone. You can be assertive, considerate and courteous at the same time
without causing unnecessary offence. In fact, the greatest benefits from assertiveness
come from knowing when to be assertive rather than always being assertive, as well
as knowing how assertive one should be. In certain unimportant situations it is not
appropriate to be assertive. Being so can unnecessarily hurt relationships.
• A person trained in assertion techniques will enhance their self-esteem and become
more self-confident and less self-conscious. You will be seen as more productive,
efficient and respected, too. This will have a positive effect on all aspects of their

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lives. Being assertive helps you go outside your comfort zone. If you are afraid of
public speaking it is a good idea to avail of every opportunity that comes alone
to do so and practise. This will help you stretch yourself while at the same time
confronting your worst fears.
• You can reduce stress and social anxiety by knowing how to handle difficult
interpersonal relationship situations and thus have fewer arguments and conflicts
with others. You will feel less anxious, threatened or victimised when things don’t
go according to plan. You will develop more decisive problem solving, decision-
making skills, self-esteem and enjoy an enhanced sense of self-efficacy boosting our
view of ourselves and raising our mood. Assertive people give and receive criticism
constructively reacting dispassionately to unfair criticism.
• Reduces the number of people you will antagonise, hurt or alienate because you
know how to treat people fairly and thus gain the respect, liking and friendship of
those you work with. Enemies last for life so the less enemies you accumulate as
you make your journey through life the better! Your objective should be to always
create win-win situations.
• On a personal basis you will know how to deal confidently with situations like
returning goods for replacement or refund, deal effectively with shoddy repairs,
or deal with social situations like queue jumping, or stop talkative people from
continually interrupting. Because you know your rights, you are able to do this
diplomatically without upsetting others or causing undue resentment. This prevents
others from taking advantage of you, as you are able to make your point logically,
express yourself with confidence and gain the respect of others without causing
offence. Nobody wants to be treated like a doormat.
• You will be able to make or refuse a request with positivity, dignity, diplomacy
and self-assurance without being embarrassed or causing offence. By being able to
advocate on behalf of ourselves we reclaim more control over our lives. Passive people
are unable to do this because they lack the requisite assertiveness and diplomatic
skills. In addition, people do not take them seriously because they come across as
too weak, shy or easy going.
“The most complete revenge is not to imitate the aggressor.”
– Marcus Aurelius Antoninus
35
DISADVANTAGES OF BEING ASSERTIVE
Assertive women
Inappropriate in
are seen as
some situations
aggressive
Friends may
Other may react
resent the new
negatively
assertive u
In some cultures
Wont always
it is seen as
get what u want
unacceptable
Somethings are
Wont solve all
not for
your problems
negotiation
Fig. 2.6. Disadvantages of being assertive
• Assertiveness can be inappropriate in some contexts. Others may not understand

or accept this style of communication. If your boss is the type of person that reacts
with rage to anyone questioning his orders even when this is done in an assertive
and tactful way, then it makes sense to use a different approach. If the person who
jumps the queue is a big inebriated male using abusive language it may be safer, wiser
and more discreet just to ignore the whole incident and move on with your life.
• Even though you put your point across in a very tactful way, others may still react
negatively or even aggressively. They may even harbour a desire to ‘get their own back.’
Assertion should be used wisely and sensitively and may be inappropriate in certain
contexts. Ames (2009) reports that a number of studies on assertiveness have shown
that assertive people are seen as less likeable and friendly than unassertive people,
even when their behaviour is seen as effective and appropriate. In organisations,
those who attempt to influence others with aggressive tactics tend to be viewed
poorly by peers and evoke resistance. Assertive people are also more likely to elicit
conflict from those they deal with.
36
• Even assertive people don’t always get what they want. Others have their own agenda
and rights too and may stubbornly pursue them and resist their demands. However,
lack of assertiveness may be a major cause of conflict in some relationships.
• It won’t solve all your problems, doesn’t guarantee your happiness and doesn’t
ensure that others will treat you fairly or accept your point of view. However, it
will make you confident about yourself and your decisions and you are less likely
to be manipulated and disrespected.
• Assertive women are often unfairly perceived as aggressive and strident whereas
assertive men are seen as confident, competent, strong and macho. The behaviour
of assertive women is often seen as inappropriate by some in an organisational
context. It is seen as unfeminine and not lady like. The traditional view of women
as caring, compliant and unselfish will take some years to erode.
• Friends may resent the newly acquired assertion and may attempt to sabotage your
efforts especially if they benefited materially in the past from your passiveness and
lack of assertion. There is no gain without some pain.
• In some cultures, with different values, assertiveness may be seen as socially
unacceptable. Therefore, people’s values, background and identity should not be
overlooked as well as cultural norms. For example, American are seen as loud and
aggressive while Asian people are often passive and extremely subservient.
• Assertiveness assumes that everything is negotiable and that all conflicts can be
resolved rationally. There are some things where there isn’t scope for compromise.
For instance, some people’s principles, values and religious beliefs are not for
negotiation. In other cases, the need for legal compliance such as health and safety
mean that certain issues are mandatory.
“Assertiveness involves standing up for one’s rights without infringing upon those of
others, whereas aggression involves the use of noxious stimuli to maintain rights.”
– Richins & Verhage 1987
2.4 BODY LANGUAGE

Part of assertiveness has to do with words – the rest has to do with body language or non-
verbal behaviour like eye contact, facial expression, posture, physical distance, gestures and
vocal quality. The body language component is just as important, if not more so, than the
verbal part. One complements the others and both should be seen as a package. There are
different types of body language involved in assertive, aggressive and passive behaviours.
The following sections deal with these.
37
ASSERTION
This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY-NC
Personal Space Smile
Receptive Firm
Listening Handshake
Upright Clear Voice
Fig. 2.7. Assertion Body Language
Assertive people use sentences like “This is what I think,” “This is what I feel,” This is
what I want,” and “This is how I see the situation.” Their body language tends to be calm,
confident, controlled and smooth. It’s easier to be assertive when on your own home ground.
This is why in sport it’s always more difficult to get a positive result when playing away
from home. The following are non-verbal assertive behaviours:
• Non-invasion of personal space shows respect and consideration. This means standing
or sitting at a comfortable distance from the other person. Invading a person’s
personal space can be seen as aggressive, invasive, unsettling and intimidating. If a
man invades the personal space of a woman it may be seen as sexual harassment.
The amount of personal space depends on the situation and the cultural norms of
the person you are talking to. Therefore, it’s important that we become sensitive
to these contextual issues so that we do not unduly upset other people.
• Receptive listening using appropriate nods and gestures. Lean slightly forward to
show your interest. Look the person in the eye without staring as this demonstrates
sincerity. Make regular eye contact. The assertive person uses direct eye contact about
50 per cent of the time. You can break up the direct eye contact by redirecting
your gaze at the person’s forehead.
38
• Keep your body upright and open with your shoulders relaxed and feet firmly on
the ground. Breathe naturally and normally. When seated keep an open posture with
legs and arms uncrossed. Crossed arms across the chest is sometimes interpreted
as closed and protected. It shows the opposite of being receptive, transparent and
open to ideas. Practice assertive body language in front of a mirror or with a friend
or colleague so that you are fully aware of the signals it throws off.
• Smile appropriately – pleasant but at the same time serious. Match your words
with your body language. Smiling is always helpful in creating a friendly relaxed
non-threatening environment. Smiling is contagious and makes us appear more
approachable, sincere and attractive to others. In addition, smiling releases brain
chemicals that relax your body, and lowers your heart rate and blood pressure.
• A firm handshake conveys confidence, resoluteness and assertion. However, if the
handshake is too firm it may be perceived as aggressive. A weak handshake is seen as
unassertive and connotes weakness, lack of confidence and self-esteem. The current
President of the USA is famous for his firm and strong handshake.
• Speak in a clear, calm, firm but conversational tone. Speak with conviction and
determination. Use co-operative phrases like “What are your views on this?” Use
emphatic statements of interest like “I would like to…”
AGGRESSIVE
Aggressive people’s attitudes could be expressed as follows, “This is what I think and you’re
stupid for thinking differently,” “This is what I want and what you want is unimportant,”
and “This is what I feel and your feelings are irrelevant.” Aggressive people tend to display
shaky, indifferent and shifty body language. The following are non-verbal aggressive behaviours
and will help you anticipate problems:
Invading
Eye contact Agitated Pointed finger personal space
Posture Clenched fist Hands on hip Offensive
gestures
Fig. 2.8. Aggressive Body language
39
• Using dominant eye contact with a staring, glaring, unrelenting, angry look. This
is sure to upset and unsettle the other person and create a hostile environment.
• Towering posture. If you are tall and the other person is small you should endeavour
to lower your stature to the height of the other person particularly if the height
difference is significant. If you are very tall sitting down equalises the situation and
might prove to be the solution.
• Being agitated and restless. Using a voice that is loud, strident, sharp, abrupt and
cold. This is sure to get a like reaction from the other person.
• Clenched or pounding fist. This behaviour will probably frighten the other person
and when they recover they will feel resentful and revengeful.
• Pointing or poking finger in the face of the other person. This is unmannerly,
aggressive, rude and inconsiderate behaviour and is unacceptable in any civilised society.
• Hands on hips or folded arms. Hands on hips indicates that you are about to become
aggressive. Folded arms show you are annoyed, feel threatened and not open to
somebody else’s opinions. It is a sign of defensiveness, anxiety and insecurity and
may create a psychological and physical barrier.
• Invading personal space or privacy. The amount of personal space depends on
cultural norms. In Western societies invading personal space is seen as intrusive
and intimidating. Similarly, people have a unique right to privacy. Most people
maintain an invisible line around themselves which they feel you should not cross.
In psychology the term boundary is used to refer to such a line, and it implies
that there needs to be some type of boundary, however fluid, that protects our
identity and autonomy. For example, people may pry into your personal affairs,
ask intrusive questions about your personal life, or say something that is better left
unsaid. Boundaries are part of all of your relationships and maintaining yours will
help boost your own feelings of personal fulfilment.
• Using offensive gestures or physical aggression such as pushing. Physical aggression
is never acceptable, may be considered abusive and may be a legal offence.
40
PASSIVE
Nervously
Lack of eye Indistinct Stoop Nervous
playing
contact voice shoulders laughter
with hair
Fig. 2.9. Passive Body language
Passive people’s attitudes could be expressed as follows, “I don’t matter, you can take
advantage of me,” “My feelings don’t matter, only yours do,” “My ideas are not important,
only yours are significant,” and “I’m worthless and you’re superior to me.” The following
are non-verbal passive behaviours:
• Lack of eye contact; looking downwards, sideways or around the room.

• Using a soft, whiny, indistinct, or muffled voice.
• Nervously fidgeting or playing with hair, ear, jewellery or change.
• Shuffling feet with shoulders stooped and slumped.
• Nervous inappropriate smiling or laughter.
41
Three parts to Assertiveness Interventions

There are three parts to an assertive intervention:
Three Parts to
Assertiveness
Interventions
State your
Empathy State the Problem
Preference
Fig. 2.10. Three Parts to Assertiveness Interventions
1. Empathy. Say something showing you understand how the other person feels while
listening with empathy to the response. Ask for clarification while simultaneously
acknowledging the other person’s feelings, concerns, attitudes, beliefs and views.
This shows you are conciliatory and want to conduct the conversation in a calm
and constructive way without causing offence or getting personal.
2. State the problem. This highlights the difficulty you’re having and why you need
something to change. Take a problem-solving approach to a situation. Describe the
facts from your perspective and share your opinions and beliefs while seeking the
opinions and beliefs of others. Avoid judgements and interpretations. State what
you consider are the options and look for the other person’s views. Aim for a win-
win outcome using collaboration and compromise.
3. State what you want and what you don’t want. This is a specific request for change
in the other person’s behaviour. State your point of view directly and firmly without
being hesitant or apologetic. Be honest, and open about your feelings, opinions
and needs while respecting the rights and feelings of others. Be specific about what
you would like to happen in relation to the specified behaviours, describing the
positive consequences resulting from the change. State what you intend to do if
your wishes are not met.
42
The 3 Fs of Assertion
moving
Feedback Feeling
Forward
Fig. 2.11. The three Fs of assertion
Essentially assertiveness can be viewed as a type of negotiation. The bottom line is what do
you want out of the situation. The three Fs are:
1. Feedback. When you do this, it bothers me terribly!

2. Feeling. I get very upset and angry at the way I’m being treated.
3. Forward. This is the solution to the feedback and feeling; please stop this behaviour
in the future and we will get on fine.

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43
You should respond to any situation that requires assertiveness within 24 hours; reacting
straight away means you will tend to be aggressive or emotional, any longer and you’re
wallowing in self-pity. Conflict will always arise in life. The important point is knowing when
to move forward. The three Fs will empower you by giving you a simple shift in perspective.
2.5 TECHNIQUES OF ASSERTION

The following are a variety of assertion techniques that you can use in different situations.
Empathic Negative
Saying No
Assertion Enquiry
"I" Negative
Fogging
Statements Assertion
Broken The "All" Positive

Record Technique Affirmations
Fig. 2.12. Techniques of Assertiveness
EMPATHIC ASSERTION
Empathy has been defined as seeing with the eyes of another, listening with the ears of
another and seeing with the heart of another. Empathic assertion is the most effective
assertive statement you can make and shows that you understand the other person’s point
of view – how they view the situation from their unique perspective. Empathise, respect,
and acknowledge the other person’s problem and feelings before you make your assertion.
Then follow up with statements asserting your rights. “I know you must be feeling frustrated
with the lack of deadlines on this project, but I want everything to be right before we set
our targets.”
44
“I” STATEMENTS
“You statements” like “you never,” you always,” and “you constantly,” are perceived as
character assassination, threatening or blaming and make people defensive, meaning they
won’t listen or entertain what you say. Express your desires by stating your needs. Use “I
statements” such as “I feel,” “I need,” “I think,” “I’d prefer.” “I want.” These help you to
get your point across firmly, be assertive without being critical or accusatory, and show that
you accept ownership and personal responsibility. For instance, say “I disagree,” rather than,
“you’re wrong.” If you have a request, say “I would like you to help me with this,” rather
than “You need to do this.”
Keep your requests simple, clear and specific. Don’t attribute blame. Focus on the other
person’s behaviour rather than getting personal. An “I statement” shows concern in terms of
what you need, rather than in what’s wrong with the other person. Telling someone they are
lazy, stupid, inconsiderate, unmannerly or thoughtless is not assertion but rudeness. Focus
on issues, not the person. Counsellors and clinicians often advise clients to use I-statements
and avoid You-statements in interpersonal conflicts.
BROKEN RECORD
This is one of the most widely used assertiveness techniques and is called the “broken record”
because, when a record gets stuck in a groove, it plays and repeats the same thing over and
over again. For example, “I can’t take on any more work right now.” This could be followed
by “I’m sorry, I really value our relationship but I simply can’t take on any more work at
this time.” Remain clear, cool and calm while restating things in a pleasant tone of voice.
Sticking to your point counteracts bullying, manipulation, baiting and irrelevant logic. If
you have a legitimate complaint, continue to restate it despite opposition from the other
party until you get your point across and receive satisfaction. Don’t let one or two refusals
put you off. Persistence will pay off in the end. The broken record technique is useful
when asserting your rights for a replacement or a refund in a shopping transaction under
commercial law. It will help you stand your ground when dealing with authority figures in
a confident and assertive manner.
SAYING NO
Most people find it extremely difficult to say no because they fear those in authority or are
afraid of an aggressive response – even in situations where it is personally inconvenient to
do the work requested which may be overtime. The extra work means that they will miss
45
their daughter’s birthday party. Mark Twain suggests a compliment should always precede
a complaint where possible because it softens resentment and insures the complaint will
get a gentle reception. People may also feel that they may put a relationship in jeopardy
by hurting the feelings of another. By saying “No” you are rejecting the request and not
the person. Explain briefly the reason for saying no. Economy of words is essential. Don’t
over explain, get too emotional, or try to soften the blow. When confronted with anger,
try lowering your voice, and being in the emotional state you want the other person to be
in. Remember, that saying “No” is a legitimate response in certain circumstances.
Suggest an acceptable alternative to soften the blow and leave the other party feeling good.
Saying no is preferable to agreeing to do something that you have no intention of doing.
You can’t possibly do everything or please everyone, or take on too many responsibilities, so
it’s important that you protect your time and your workload by saying “No” when necessary.
Breaking your promise later on will show that you are unreliable and untrustworthy. In the
case of another person’s unacceptable suggestion, express your appreciation for their kindness
and then politely say “No.” An alternative strategy to saying “No,” is not to say anything.
You might be too emotional and not know what you want. Tell the person you need more
time to consider the matter and get your thoughts together. For example, you might say,
“Jason, I’ll give your request due consideration and get back to you within half-an-hour.”
FOGGING
From time to time most of us have to deal with people who attempt to put us down.
Fogging is a polite way of disagreeing or deflecting negative criticism. The person accepts
the negative criticism but has no intention of changing their mind or behaviour. Hear the
person out and then acknowledge the criticism by saying that there might be some truth
or legitimacy in what the person is saying. Agree in principle or part to what is said, while
still sticking to your point of view. For example, if a colleague says, “that was a stupid idea
you put forward at the meeting,” you might retort, “Yes, I can see how you think my idea
has little merit.” You’re not agreeing with your work colleague; you’re only saying that you
can see that from their perspective they believe that.
Another example might be your boss saying “Michael, this is very sloppy work, your work
is really going from bad to worse.” You retort, “I agree this is not my best work, but with
more realistic time constraints, adequate training and more resources, I could have done
much better.” Fogging avoids confrontation and will help calm the waters down rather than
using an aggressive response inflaming the situation. For example, “I can see why you’re
upset….” The term fogging is used because the person acts like a “wall of fog” into which
arguments are thrown, but not returned. Fogging works because the victim agrees with the
verbal bully – a disarming tactic they do not expect.
46
THE “ALL” TECHNIQUE

Alexander (2004) reports that the “ALL” technique may be useful in appropriate situations.
“A” stands for acknowledgement. “L” stands for the list of things you need to do. The
second “L” stands for listing alternatives. For example, say your manager has approached
you late on Thursday with a request to do an urgent and important project involving you
working late. Acknowledge that the project is very important, and then make the manager
aware of the current projects that you’re working on. Tell him that you’re on your way to
an out of town meeting, and tomorrow morning you have arranged to bring your very ill
mother to the hospital. Then list alternatives, offering to complete the project at a later
date or by another arrangement. In other words, you say that you can attend to his request
early tomorrow afternoon, so that you could probably have the job done by four in the
afternoon. This arrangement would be acceptable to most reasonable managers.
NEGATIVE ENQUIRY
Negative enquiry requests further, more specific criticism. It accepts negative feedback
about your behaviour at face value without feeling defensive or anxious and thus may help
to defuse a situation. After all it is just another person’s opinion. Accept your mistakes or
faults, but do not apologise. Instead agree with the critic’s assessment of your faults. Ask
them for constructive criticism offering specific suggestions for improvement. In other words,
what do they think you are doing wrong and how could you improve in the future. For
example, “Yes, you’re right. I don’t always listen to you. How can I listen more effectively
in the future?” This retort puts the ball back in the other person’s court.
NEGATIVE ASSERTION
This means accepting the truthful part of the criticism and restating it in positive terms
often in a humorous way. For example, a person accuses you of being aggressive and you
retort “I don’t let people walk all over me, that’s for sure.” In response to being accused of
being stupid you could reply “I’m not the most intelligent person in the world, but I try
my best.” This dispassionate approach does not make the situation worse and ensures that
the conversation can continue on an even keel.
47
POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS
A change in beliefs and expectations is necessary to become assertive. One way of doing this
is restructuring your thoughts by positive affirmations or self-talk. Non-assertive individuals
tend to engage in negative self-talk. Assertive individuals see themselves as assertive and flood
their minds with assertive positive affirmations such as “I’m entitled to ask for what I want.”
SCRIPTING
This is another assertion technique which you might find useful in certain circumstances.
In practice, it is often difficult to put your feelings across clearly and confidently to others.
The scripting technique allows you to prepare what you want to say in advance, using a
four-stage approach as follows:
1. Event. Tell the other person exactly how you see the issue. For example, say, “Michael,
the budget figures are overspent by 50% this month. You didn’t forewarn me about
this possibility, and consequently I was completely surprised by the news.”
2. Feelings. Describe how you feel about the situation. “This really annoys me and
makes me feel you don’t really understand the importance of meeting targets and
living within the budget.”
3. Needs. Inform the other person what your needs are. “In future, I need you to be
totally honest with me and alert me in advance to possible adverse budget situations.”
4. Consequences. Describe the positive outcome for both parties if your needs are
successfully met. “Remember, it is always better to meet targets and this may lead
to better end-of-year bonuses.”
“He who has learned to disagree without being disagreeable has

discovered the most valuable secret of a diplomat.”
– Robert Estabrook
48
2.6 THE TAILOR MODEL

This is a useful acronym to help you practise assertion. It stands for:
• Think Outcomes
T
• Assertive
A
• Interrupt
I
• Learn
L
• Offer
O
• Respect
R
Fig. 2.13. Assertion Model (TAILOR)
• Think about the outcome desired and the behaviours you want changed. Think
assertiveness rather than aggressiveness or passiveness. However, you can be
over-assertive and under assertive. Both types are viewed negatively by peers and
subordinates. Under-assertive leaders tend to be seen as ineffective because they
cannot get their way; over-assertive leaders tend to be seen as ineffective because
they cannot get along. One is unwilling or unable to exercise authority, including
reluctance to confront problems and handle conflict, the other terrorises their
subordinates exercising aggressive and abusive management. Your aim is to find the
right balance of assertiveness. It means having a strong sense of yourself and your
values and acknowledge that you deserve to get what you want. It means standing
up for yourself even in the most trying circumstances.
• Assertive. Use assertive words such as “I” instead of “you.” Say “I feel” or “I think”
rather than “you always” or “you never.” Be specific in what you want. Mentally
rehearse affirmations to become more assertive such as; “I have the right to say
no,” “I have the right to be treated with dignity and respect,” “I have the right to
express my opinion,” and “I have the right to change my mind.” Visualise yourself
being assertive in different situations.
49
• Interrupt. Don’t interrupt people when they are speaking, as this is rude, undermining
and insensitive. Wait until they have made their point before responding. Listen
attentively to understand what they have to say. Use silence and body language as
appropriate to encourage the other person to speak their mind.
• Learn from experience. Reflect on situations where you have tried to be assertive.
Learn from your observations and feedback and plan to do better the next time.
Asking for feedback helps correct any misperceptions you may have, as well as
showing others you are open to communication, interested and willing to learn
and change.
• Offer to brainstorm for alternative to help solve problems together. Aim for a
compromise or a win-win solution, as people are more likely to agree to something
they have contributed to. They are also more likely to be agreeable in the future.
• Respect other viewpoints. Express your views and feelings honestly. Accept that
others have the right to express their viewpoints too and just like you they have a
right to differ and be treated with respect.
2.7 SUMMARY
Know the difference between passive, aggressive, assertive and passive/aggressive behaviour.
Passive people are submissive and taken for granted. Aggressive people get angry, rude and
upset at the least provocation. Assertive people assert their rights while respecting the rights
of others and seek win-win solutions to conflicts. Passive/aggressive people use emotional
blackmail, sabotage, and gossip surreptitiously to get back at others.
The advantages of assertion are many and include expressing yourself confidently without
hurting the feelings of others. The disadvantages include that it may not solve all your
problems. Body language can be used effectively to complement your assertion message.
The techniques of assertion include, I statement, broken record, and negative enquiry. The
TAILOR acronym will help you gain expertise in the process of assertion.
50
2.8 FIVE STEPS TO IMPROVING YOUR ASSERTIVENESS SKILLS
1. Make sure you understand the difference between passive, aggressive and assertive
behaviour. This will help you identify the mode you or others are in. Decide that
you want to be assertive rather than passive or aggressive. Identify the situations
in which you behave non-assertively. To become more assertive use assertive
language such as “I feel” and “I think.” Avoid aggressive language such as “You
always” and “You never.”
2. Adopt an attitude that everybody is of equal value. Respect the dignity and
rights of others as well as your own rights. Remind yourself that you are perfectly
entitled to have your own views, opinions and wishes, and that you have the right
to expect to be treated with respect. Get familiar with the Bill of Rights and use
it as a template for assertiveness.
3. Learn to say “No” firmly but tactfully but without feeling guilty. If appropriate
suggest an acceptable alternative arrangement to make the negative more palatable.
4. Practise the “broken record” technique when you want to persistently assert your
point of view especially when you know that you are right or want a particular
outcome.
5. Memorise the “TAILOR” model so that you practise the process of assertion in an
effective manner. Remember that assertiveness is a skill that you can learn but it
takes time, practise and commitment to do so.
51
NEGOTIATION & ASSERTIVENESS Acknowledgements
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
The artwork in this text was produced by the author with the aid of Microsoft’s ‘SmartArt’
creatively combined with the clipart facility in the word package. Some of the artwork
was accessed through Google. Known copyright material accessed through Google has
been acknowledged. I will gladly acknowledge any other copyright material brought to my
attention in future editions.
52
NEGOTIATION & ASSERTIVENESS About the author
ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Samuel A. Malone is a self-employed training consultant, lecturer and author. He has
published numerous journal articles in the fields of learning, study skills, personal development,
motivation and management. He is the author of 28 books published in Ireland, the UK
and abroad on learning, personal development, study skills and business management.
Some of his books have gone into foreign translations including Russian, Spanish, Danish
and Norwegian, and second editions. Some of his books have been published in India.
He has an M.Ed. with distinction (in training and development) from the University of
Sheffield and is a qualified Chartered Management Accountant (ACMA), Chartered Global
Management Accountant (CGMA) and a Chartered Secretary (ACIS) and a Member of
the Irish Institute of Industrial Engineers (MIIE). He is a fellow of the Irish Institute of
Training and Development (FIITD).
Previous books published by the author include Awaken the Genius Within (2014) (Glasnevin
Publishing Dublin), Why Some People Succeed and Other Fail (2011) Glasnevin Publishing
Dublin. Learning about Learning (2003) (CIPD London), A Practical Guide to Learning in
the Workplace (2005) (The Liffey Press Dublin), Better Exam Results (2005) (Elsevier/CIMA,
London) and Mind Skills for Managers (1997) (Gower, Aldershot, UK) and How To Set Up
and Manage A Corporate Learning Centre (2003) (Gower, Aldershot, UK). The last two books
became best-sellers for Gower in their training and business categories. Better Exam Results
proved to be a best-seller for Elsevier/CIMA and is still in print 30 years after its earliest
incarnation (Learning to Learn). Most of my published books are available on Amazon.co.uk.
The authors latest books have been published online by bookboon.com in 2018 namely:
• The Role of the Brain in Learning

• How Adults Learn
• Learning Models and Styles
• Experiential Learning
• Learning with Technology
• The Ultimate Success Formula
• Series of Book on People Skills for Managers
53
NEGOTIATION & ASSERTIVENESS References and bibliography
REFERENCES AND BIBLIOGRAPHY

Ames, Daniel (2009). Pushing up to a point: Assertiveness and effectiveness in leadership
and interpersonal dynamics. Research in Organisational Behaviour 29; 111–133. Available
online at www.sciencedirect.com.
Alexandar, Amy (2004). Greater Baton Rouge Business Report. March 16 2004.
Pitstick, Hannah. (2018). How to speak up more at work. Journal of Accountancy.
Levine, Alaina G. (2011). Negotiation Strategy and Tactics: Basic Principles Before You
Begin. Career Center AGU American Geophysical Union.
Slavik, Jerome. (2008). Seven Elements of Effective Negotiations. Adapted from Getting to
Yes – Negotiating Agreements Without Giving In. R. Fisher and W. Uy.
http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/Assertiveness.htm, accessed 5/7/2018.
https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/assertiveness, accessed 5/7/2018.
54

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2.4 Body Language 37

About the author 53

References and bibliography 54

At the end of this book you will be able to:

Samuel A. Malone August 2018

1.1 BASIC SKILLS

Fig. 1.1. Effective Negotiation Skills Model (POCKET)

1.2 NEGOTIATION STRATEGIES

Fig. 1.2. Negotiating Strategies

• Standard contract. A standard contract suggests it can’t be changed. Saying this is

“In good deal making, 90% of the real negotiation

– Lesly Stolz, Ph.D.

Fig. 1.3. Persuasion techniques

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to be friendly, reasonable and collaborative and build up rapport. For example,

“Your ability to negotiate, communicate, influence, and persuade others

SUPPORTING YOUR CASE

Supporting Your Supporting Your

State Explicitly Support With

Fig. 1.4. Making Your Case

“Negotiation is hardly ever a one-time transaction. It is a process that

1.4 NEGOTIATING MISTAKES

Fig. 1.5 Negotiation Mistakes – Attitude

POOR PEOPLE SKILLS

Fig. 1.6. Negotiation Mistakes – Poor people skills

• Using abusive behaviour. Being confrontational and continually interrupting the

“Effective negotiation is 90% attitude and 10% technique.

– Lesley Stolz, Ph.D.

Fig. 1.7. Negotiation Mistakes – Planning

• Poor preparation. Information is power while ignorance leads to exploitation. You

1.6 FIVE STEPS TO IMPROVE YOUR NEGOTIATION SKILLS

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I win u lose Treated like a

Dont stand up They find it

Fig. 2.2. Passive People

Fig. 2.4. Assertive People

“Assertiveness is not what you do, it’s who you are.”

Always wants Rude & Obsessed with Desire self-

Fig. 2.3. Aggressive People

– Sharon Anthony Bower

2.2 MY BILL OF RIGHTS

You have the right to:

• Be firm but fair and flexible.

2.3 FAMOUS ASSERTIVE PEOPLE

ADVANTAGES OF BEING ASSERTIVE

Achieve Enhanced Increased

Fig. 2.5. Advantages of Being Assertive

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“The most complete revenge is not to imitate the aggressor.”

– Marcus Aurelius Antoninus

DISADVANTAGES OF BEING ASSERTIVE

Fig. 2.6. Disadvantages of being assertive

• Assertiveness can be inappropriate in some contexts. Others may not understand

– Richins & Verhage 1987

2.4 BODY LANGUAGE

Samuel A. Malone August 2018