Florida Treasures

Grade 3 Student Books

Time for Kids Writing
Anchor Papers: Student Writing Samples

Grade 3 Unit 1 Writing: Expository

Score Point 2

Cleer Wat Heer

by Pedro J.

Lusa come Cleer Wat in the last aprel far way.

Her in thur grait. Her in clas. Her fron domcen ripluc. Her bruder nams
Pedro and Susna and Calros.
I bruder nams Calos. Cleer Wat veri mus.
Veri mus Lusa. Her preti dre. Lik veri mus.

Focus—The topic is not properly introduced or presented.

Organization—The ideas are not organized in logical sequence and show little relation to
each other.
Support—Words and phrases may be vague or inaccurate. The writer shows little or no
involvement with the topic and does not address the reader. Sentences are fragmented,
incomplete, or choppy.
Conventions—Significant errors in spelling, mechanics, and usage can be found in practically
every line, impeding the reader’s ability to comprehend what the author attempts to express

© Macmillan/McGraw-Hill
What Does a Score Point 1 Paper Look Like?
Focus—The writer shows little understanding of the topic. The writing consists of a
fragmentary list of unrelated ideas, lacking a clear sense of mode, purpose, and audience.
Organization—The writing lacks a logical progression of ideas.
Support—The writer’s choice of words is immature and unrelated to the topic. There are few,
if any, details.
Conventions—Significant errors in mechanics, spelling, and usage impede comprehension
of the response.

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Grade 3 Unit 1 Writing: Expository

Score Point 4

Betty is my best frend

by Tosha K.

Betty and me made a club. We have a club in the back of her house. It is
call the Esplorers Club. Nobody else can be in the Esplorers Club. Only Betty and
Me. Betty is my best frend.
Peopel some times have very spechal frends. Betty is my spechal frend.
Betty is my best frend. Betty and me are frends since first grade.
Esplorers make maps. They make lot of maps. Bettys mom bakes cookies
in her kichen. Betty and me make a map to the kichen. We follow our map to
Bettys moms kichen. Her mom gives cookies to us. We are best friends. Betty is
spechal. She is Esplorer like me. Only Betty and me are in Esplorers Club. Bettys
mom makes good cookies.

Focus—The writer presents some relevant information in the explanation; she demonstrates
occasional awareness of the audience but does not relate information effectively to readers.
Organization—Information is presented out of logical order.
Support—Word choice is weak and sometimes confusing; sentences are limited in pattern
and length.
Conventions—Errors in spelling, mechanics, and usage hamper the reader’s enjoyment of
the piece.

What Does a Score Point 3 Paper Look Like?

Focus—The writing is only minimally focused on the topic, with many unrelated details.
There is some sense of mode, purpose, and audience.
Organization—An attempt to organize is apparent but intermittent. There is limited use of
transitions. The expository element of the paper is weak.
Support—The writer’s choice of words is limited and predictable. There are few, if any, details
offered throughout the piece.

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Conventions—Errors in mechanics, spelling, and usage generally do not impede
comprehension of the response.

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Grade 3 Unit 1 Writing: Expository

Score Point 5

Ling is Special
by Henry H.

One day I went to school. This is why Ling is special. I had a project I made
with my dad in the basement of our house. It was made of wood. The first six
blocks were not very heavy. After that, the wood got very, very, very heavy. I did
not know what to do! I had my knapsack on my back. I had my project for school
in my hands. It was hot on that day. And my sister did not wait. My sister was
walking with her friends. I called but she did not hear me with the trafik. My
project started to shake. There wasn’t nowhere to put the project down. I almost
droped my project right there.
Ling was their all of a sudden with his hand under the project. He smiled
and he said looks like its heavy. Is it made of wood? I said yes. Then Ling took the
project to look at it but he walked two blocks holding the project as he walked
and asking me questions so I didn’t feel dumb. Ling knew that I almost dropped
the project on the side walk. I know he did. Ling only said he liked my project
though.
After two blocks, he gave the project to me again and I carryed it the last
block to school. Ling has been my friend sinse that day. I am happy when I can
help him too!

Focus—The writer demonstrates a solid awareness of audience and purpose.

Organization—The writing maintains a logical progression of facts and details.
Support—The writing meets the criteria by including a main idea and supporting details. The
writer uses transition words and descriptive words appropriate to topic. He includes a variety
of simple and complex sentences.
Conventions—Some editing is required to correct occasional errors in spelling, mechanics,
and usage.

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Grade 3 Unit 1 Writing: Expository

Score Point 6

My Friend, Mike
by Billy O.

A person does not have to be special to be someone’s friend. With my

friend, Mike, though, it is obvious to see just how special he is.
Mike is an outstanding athlete with the Special Olympics. He trains every
week and still has taken time to be my coach. Mike has helped me with soccer,
tennis, volleyball, and track. I never really liked sports before we became friends.
I guess I was just lazy. Mike taught me to train by beating my own numbers. This
has made playing sports a lot more fun for me, but I will never be an athlete.
My friend, Mike, is an athlete. When I watch him compete, I am so proud
of him. All his hard work can be seen in his focus and his results. As of last week,
though, it can also be seen in the fact that Mike has been picked to take part in
the World Summer Games in Shanghai this October. This is the second time
these games have been played outside the United States and the first time they
will be held in Asia. Team USA—Florida is sending 22 athletes to these games,
and Mike is one of those athletes.
I told Mike that we will be training hard this summer because we are in
this together. After all, that is what best friends do!

Focus—The writer develops a clear and focused explanation of the topic. He demonstrates a
strong awareness of the audience and a clear sense of purpose throughout the writing.
Organization— The writer maintains logical structure from a strong introduction to the final
conclusion.
Support—The writer connects ideas effectively with transition words and chooses precise
descriptive words throughout the piece. He varies the length and pattern of sentences to
hold the reader’s interest.
Conventions—The writer demonstrates strong command of spelling, grammar,
capitalization, and punctuation.

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Grade 3 Unit 2 Writing: Narrative

Score Point 2
Ever Glad
by Lilliana W.

The Ever Gad. Is big and grasss moving and moving. Is meny brd. This
meny brd big legs and big neck. Is meny brd on watr and in lad. Bot lad is mad
very mch wed. So is missy in Ever Gad. Is big bot theer. Ever Gad is big aligter. Is
meny meny aligter. The eat brd very mch. And feshes. All so is big bogs Ever Gad
big bogs lots and lots alloweres.
Firs go big bot.
Aligters is very mch big mowts and teeds.

Focus—The writer does not share a personal experience or shares an experience that is
difficult for the reader to comprehend.
Organization—Events are told out of order, making the story confusing to read.
Voice—The narrative is not written in first person and reveals nothing of the writer’s feelings
about the experience.
Support—The narrative is missing time-order words and first-person pronouns; sentences
are fragmented or run together, making them very difficult to read.
Conventions—Significant errors in spelling, mechanics, and usage can be found in practically
every line, impeding the reader’s ability to comprehend what the author attempts to express.

What Does a Score Point 1 Paper Look Like?

Focus—The writer shows little understanding of the topic. The writing consists of a
fragmentary list of unrelated ideas, lacking sense of mode, purpose, and audience.
Organization—The writing lacks a logical progression of ideas.
Support—The writer’s choice of words is immature and unrelated to the topic. There are few,
if any, details.
Conventions—Significant errors in mechanics, spelling, and usage impede comprehension
of the story.

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Grade 3 Unit 2 Writing: Narrative

Score Point 4
The Seminoles
by Jorge M.

The seminoles are a indian tribe. They live in Florida. My grand mother
and my grand father live in New Jersey. They are far away. They can not viset
very much. My grand mother is fun to be a round.
After lunch is when we left. It took two hours. It was far away. We went in
my dad’s suv. We picked up my grand mother and my grand father at the
areport too. We went in my dad’s suv. It was father to see the seminoles. My
grand mother was very happy. Us too.
My grand mother played lisinse plates with us in the car. We laffed and
laffed. She had candy in her poket book. We sang songs.

Focus—The writing relates a personal experience but lacks focus and detail.
Organization—Some events are told out of story order.
Support—The writing includes insufficient disclosure of thoughts and feelings, and few
sentences written in the first person. It lacks first-person pronouns and time-order words to
guide the reader through the piece. The writer uses simple sentences only.
Conventions—Errors in spelling, mechanics, and usage may hamper the reader’s enjoyment
of the story.

What Does a Score Point 3 Paper Look Like?

Focus—The writing is only minimally focused on the topic, with many unrelated details.
There is some sense of mode, purpose, and audience.
Organization—An attempt to organize is apparent but intermittent. There is limited use of
transitions. Narrative elements of the paper are weak.
Support—The writer’s choice of words is limited and predictable. There are few, if any, details
or transitional devices included in the story.

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Conventions—Frequent errors in mechanics, spelling, and usage generally do not impede
comprehension of the response. They do, however, hamper the reader’s enjoyment of the
narrative.

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Grade 3 Unit 2 Writing: Narrative

Score Point 5

I Went Bouldering in Gainesville!

by Silvia G.

My sister Lourdes is four years older then me. My sister Lourdes is cool. I
will never be as cool my sister Lourdes. So Lourdes has a best friend name
Tammy Jean Harris and Tammy Jean Harris has a little sister name Eva Marie.
One day Mrs. Harris was taking Tammy Jean and Eva Marie and my sister
Lourdes to Gainesville to go climb a wall of rocks! And Mrs. Harris ask my sister
Lourdes if she can bring a sister to play with Eva Marie. Well, Lourdes says come
and it will be fun to walk on a wall of rocks. What she didn’t say was that wall
was extremely high!
Did I tell you how afraid I am of hights? Well, I am very afraid of hights.
Well, I went with my sister Lourdes and everybody to Gainesville because
who wants for Lourdes to think I am a scared chicken?
And you know what? First, I saw that big wall. They call it a verdical
territory. And kids were climbing all over it with belts, and harnis, and long
ropes, and helmets. Then I think I want to wait in Mrs. Harris car! OK? But then I
saw there was another part. It was kind of like a cave. And nobody was wearing
the belts and the harnis, and using ropes. They called this kind of climbing
bouldering. I like bouldering! Who knew? And Eva Marie Harris and I are best
friends now.

Focus—The narrative relates a personal experience that includes some thoughts and feelings
about the events.
Organization—The writer discusses the events in the order in which they occurred.
Support—The writer discusses events in the first person and expresses thoughts and feelings
at logical points in the story. She uses a sufficient number of first-person pronouns and time-
order words. The writing contains simple and complex sentences, which create a natural
rhythm and flow.

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Conventions—Some editing is required to correct occasional errors in spelling, mechanics,
and usage.

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Grade 3 Unit 2 Writing: Expository

Score Point 6

Bengan Bhurta
by A.J. R.

Some people will try anything. For them, the very fact that they have not
tasted something is reason enough to stick out their forks and spear a piece of it.
They do not have to think about it twice. They are ready and willing. Quite
frankly, I have never been a person like this. My friend, Dilip, however, does
things like that all the time.
Dilip has been over my house for dinner many times. My family is
responsible for him discovering tuna fish casserole, kielbasa, mashed turnips,
and baked sweet potatoes with melted marshmallows on top.
Meanwhile, I had not accepted an invitation to go to dinner at his house, until
last night when Dilip pointed this out right in front of his mother.
Dilip and I were doing homework together when Mrs. Padia asked
whether I would like to stay for dinner. She said they were having eggplant. I
have eaten eggplant my whole life, so I called mom to let her know I was having
dinner at Dilip’s house.
What Mrs. Padia scooped over my rice, though, was bengan bhurta. My
first reaction was to run, but I smiled instead and tasted some of the rice around
it. It was delicious rice, and I said so. Then I poked at the bengan bhurta. I
spotted some onions and some peas. They were familiar. So, I scooped some up
on my fork. I found out that they were in a tomato sauce that was rather tasty.
So, I went for the eggplant part next and it wasn’t bad at all. In fact, I actually
liked the way it tasted.
I already told mom that I am trying korma tomorrow night!

Focus—The writer creates a clear, entertaining story drawn from personal experience and
reveals thoughts and feelings about the event.
Organization—Details unfold in a logical, easy-to-follow sequence.
Support—The writer relates events in the first person and freely discusses thoughts and
feelings. The writer consistently uses first-person pronouns and time-order words to make

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the story enjoyable and easy-to-understand. The writer varies sentence types and sentence
lengths to create a pleasant, natural rhythm to the story.
Conventions—The writer demonstrates a strong command of spelling, grammar,
capitalization, and punctuation.

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Grade 3 Unit 3 Writing: Expository

Score Point 2

New Babey
by Billy K.

It was specil cuz us has a new babey. He name Ty. he cry a lot he very litul
my muther lets giv a botel. Ty is got brone eyes. Blak hair awredy like my. If you
sit can hol him on my lap. Ver sof and litul. Us new he comin but not wich day.
He name Ty afer my dady.

Focus—The topic is not adequately introduced or maintained. The introductory sentence

fails to establish the main idea of the writing.
Organization—There is little evidence of an organizational pattern. Transitional devices are
absent. The paper lacks a sense of wholeness.
Support—Supporting details are sparse. Sentences are fragmented, incomplete, and choppy.
Conventions—Significant errors in spelling, mechanics, and usage impede the reader’s
ability to construct meaning from the response. Sentence fragments are numerous. The writer
uses only simple constructions.

What Does a Score Point 1 Paper Look Like?

Focus—The writing evidences little understanding of the topic and does not contain an
introductory sentence such as “It was specil (special) cuz (because) us (we) has (have) a new
babey (baby).” The response seems fragmented and unfocused.
Organization—There is no evidence of any organizational pattern. The response does not
contain a logical progression of ideas. The paper is incomplete.
Support—The writer’s choice of words is immature and unrelated to the topic. There are few,
if any, details, even those as sparse and grammatically erroneous as in the paper with a score
of 2: “Ty is (has) got brone (brown) eyes. Blak (His black) hair awredy (is already) like my
(mine.)”
Conventions—Significant errors in mechanics, spelling, and usage impede the reader’s
comprehension of the response. Multiple errors in syntax are observed.

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Grade 3 Unit 3 Writing: Expository

Score Point 4

A Special Visitor
by Luna G.

A day that was very special to me was when my Mom came to help my
class. That was in Grade 2. She came to help us make costumes. For the school
play. I was a bear, it was Goldilocks. It is special when a parant comes to visit.
It felt extra special to me since my mom sews real well. She makes all my
dresses and even can makes coats. Some school plays, the teacher just pins old
clothes on us but this time we had real costumes. My mom brought the
measoring tape, she had to get everyone’s ezact size. Grandma said she will help
too.
Sheila and Joe was also bears. Karen was Goldilocks. Most kids wanted
that part.
First, my mom took everyones’ size and then we helped draw pictures of
how we wanted the costumes to be. Our teacher Mr. Ames helped out too.
When it was time to go, everyone thanked Mom. Everyone liked her. It made me
feel really great. When the costumes were done, we all looked just like we
should. It was my best school day. That year.

Focus—The response is generally focused on the topic, with some information loosely
positioned in the text.
Organization—An organizational pattern is evident with some lapses. Transitions are used in
some areas of the response. The paper demonstrates a sense of completeness.
Support—Word choice is limited and at times repetitious. Supporting details are used in
some sections of the writing. The writer has made an attempt to elaborate on several points.
Conventions—Basic knowledge of the conventions of punctuation and capitalization is
demonstrated. Commonly used words are spelled correctly in general. The writer occasionally
attempts complex sentences, but most are simple constructions.

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What Does a Score Point 3 Paper Look Like?
Focus—The writing is more scattered in the score point 3 paper than in the paper with a
score of 4, and ideas seem to be loosely strung together. There is less consistency of focus.
Organization—The organizational pattern is weaker than in the paper with a score of 4
points. There is limited use of transitional devices to show the relationship of ideas. The
expository element of the paper is weak, and without a firm introduction and conclusion, the
paper lacks of sense of completeness.
Support—The writer’s choice of words is vague and immature. Supporting details are spare
as compared to the paper with a score of 4, which offers information such as “She makes all
my dresses” and “get everyone’s ezact (exact) size.”
Conventions—Knowledge of the conventions of punctuation and capitalization is
demonstrated. Words in common usage are usually spelled correctly, with some lapses. Most
sentences are simple constructions, with errors such as fragments and run-ons occurring
more frequently than in the paper with a score of 4 points.

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Grade 3 Unit 3 Writing: Expository

Score Point 5

Floating
by Wendy G.

A very special day for me was the day I finaly learned how to swim. I
wanted to swim for as long as I can remember. My friends can swim and I felt left
out when we went to the pool. Or beach.
My aunt Jean was the one who taught me. We were at the pool. I was
sticking to the side, like always. My aunt says, “This is the day, Wendy! You’re
going to learn to float.” But I didn’t really think so.
But she told me to lie down on the water, she would held her arm under
my back. “You won’t sink because I’m holding you up,” she promised.
So I took a deep breath and did it. I lay down on my back. I closed my eyes
because the sun was so bright. It was like resting on a warm bed.
I opened my eyes. Aunt Jean was standing in the pool a few foot away
from me. I was floating all by myself! After that, the rest was easy. I practiced
swimming stroaks with my aunt for the next few weeks. Now I can swim pretty
well. That was the best day.

Focus—The response demonstrates an awareness of the purpose for writing. Focus is

consistently maintained throughout the exposition.
Organization—An organizational structure is evident, with few lapses. The writing exhibits a
sense of completeness. Transitional devices are used to show movement within the text and
to signal cause-and-effect relationships.
Support—The main idea is adequately supported with details. The writer elaborates on
points throughout the response. Word choice is occasionally lacking in precision.
Conventions—Knowledge of the conventions of capitalization and punctuation is
demonstrated. Occasional errors in noun usage and standard forms of verbs are minor.
Commonly used words are correctly spelled. Both simple and complex sentence structures
are incorporated.

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Grade 3 Unit 3 Writing: Expository

Score Point 6

A Party for Grandpa

by Juan T.

Last Sunday was a very special day. We had a party for Grandpa Tomas
because he was moving back to Puerto Rico. Grandpa lived in this country for
over thirty years. Now he was going back home.
When I heard he was moving, I cried but my mother told me not to be sad.
“This is what he wants,” she explained. “He has a house there and always meant
to go back. We can visit him in the fall.”
So to cheer us all up, we threw a wonderful party. We cooked Grandpa’s
favorite foods—chicken with rice and beans, seafood, and flan. All of Grandpa’s
friends came. They brought more food and some even brought gifts. Mr. Garcia
played the guitar and Mrs. Lopez sang. There was dancing and lots of laughter.
Later in the day, a few people made speeches about the good luck of having
Grandpa Tomas for a friend.
I will miss Grandpa Tomas, but I know I’ll see him again. And I will always
remember the fun-filled goodbye party.

Focus—The writer demonstrates a lively interest in writing the paper and maintains focus
throughout the exposition.
Organization—A logical pattern of organization includes a clear introduction, body, and
conclusion. No significant lapses are observed. Transitional devices are used to show
movement within the text and signal cause-and-effect relationships. The paper has a sense of
completeness.
Support—The main idea and supporting points are amply elaborated with well-chosen
details. The writer develops these points throughout the response. Word choice is masterful
and precise.
Conventions—Knowledge of the conventions of capitalization and punctuation is
demonstrated. Verb and noun forms are generally correct. Commonly used words are

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correctly spelled. Both simple and complex sentence structures are incorporated into the
exposition.

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Grade 3 Unit 4 Writing: Narrative

Score Point 2

Unusul Day
by Cal F.

Its unusul becuse the huricane. Lik a big strom and windy. Watch the
storm all day. Had to brang the chares and biks in to the hous. We wasnt gone to
skool that day neether. Me and Hank plays game in doors them lites goed out.
We wasnt skeered becuse Dad was ther. He work at the busses stashion. We tole
storys and eated pnut budder krakers. The huricane stop by nest day.

Focus—The writing is loosely related to the topic, with some irrelevant information included.
Organization—Organization is weak; ideas are poorly related to one another. Transitional
devices are largely lacking. The paper does not demonstrate a sense of wholeness.
Support—The response demonstrates little evidence of an organizational pattern.
Supporting details are sparse and not elaborated. Word choice is inadequate and immature.
Conventions—Significant errors in spelling, mechanics, and usage impede the reader’s
ability to derive meaning from the response. Writer uses only simple constructions, and
sentences may be incomplete or may evidence other kinds of syntactical errors.

What Does a Score Point 1 Paper Look Like?

Focus—The response minimally addresses the topic. The uncertain focus is indicated by the
lack of an introductory sentence such as is included in the paper with a score of 2 points: “It
(was) unusul (unusual) becuse (because of) the huricane (hurricane).” The response with a
score of 1 consists of a fragmentary list of unrelated ideas or of random sentences that do not
approximate an acceptable line of reasoning.
Organization—There is no evidence of an organizational structure. The response lacks a
logical progression of ideas, as evidenced by the complete lack of transitional devices and
meaningful division of points into distinct paragraphs.
Support—The writer’s vocabulary is immature and extremely vague. The sparse details are
irrelevant or loosely connected to supporting ideas. Unlike the paper with a score of 2, the

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paper with a score of 1 does not attempt to present supporting statements such as “brang the
chares and biks in to the hous” or “Me and Hank plays game in doors them lites goed out.”
Conventions—Significant and numerous errors in mechanics, spelling, and usage impede
the reader’s comprehension of the response. The sentences are simple constructions, with
multiple errors, such as fragments and run-ons, occurring frequently.

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Grade 3 Unit 4 Writing: Narrative

Score Point 4

My Unusual Day
by Celia D.

One ordanry day I was playing in front of my house. I live on a nice quiet
block. Not hardly any cars so its safe to play. A lady with gray hair was carrying
two heavy bags she looked tired. Me and my friends offer to help her carry them.
“Oh thank you” she said. She smiled at us. We didn’t know about the bike
store. Not yet.
We carry them for a few more blocks. “Should we help put things away
too?” we asked the lady.
“Yes and then I will give you some nice cold limonaid.”
So we helped some more and drank the limonaid. Really a nice lady.
The next day he came, this man and the same lady. “Yes there are the kind
children” she told him.
“Thank you for helping my mom” he said. With a big smile. “I own a bike
store. Come in and each of you can pick out a bike.”
We were so excited! We did pick out a bike. Mine is red with white
streemers. That’s not why we helped but it was great to have a bike. We said
thank you over and over. It was sure a different kind of day.

Focus—The narrative is mainly focused on the topic but includes some loosely related
information. The introductory sentence is appropriate to the fictional mode and establishes
the plot.
Organization—The organizational pattern is clear, with some lapses; details are occasionally
presented out of chronological order, but the story demonstrates a sense of wholeness.
Support—Some areas of the response contain supporting details. Word choice is somewhat
limited and repetitious.
Conventions—Knowledge of the conventions of punctuation and capitalization is
demonstrated, with some lapses. Commonly used words are usually spelled correctly. Most
sentences are simple constructions, with little variety.

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What Does a Score Point 3 Paper Look Like?
Focus—The writing is generally focused on the topic, with some extraneous details. There is
some sense of mode, purpose, and audience.
Organization—The organizational pattern has more frequent lapses than are observed in the
paper with a score of 4. There are few transitional devices to signal movement within the text.
The paper lacks a sense of completeness. The response with a score of 3 would usually lack
such introductory and concluding sentences as, “One ordrany (ordinary) day I was playing in
front of my house” and “It was sure a different kind of day.”
Support—The writer’s choice of words may be vague and predictable. Sparse details are used
to elaborate the events in the narrative, whereas the paper with a score of 4 contains details
such as “a nice quiet day,” ”a lady with gray hair” and “red with white streemers (streamers)”
Conventions—Errors in mechanics, spelling, and usage, though more numerous than in the
paper with a score of 4, generally do not impede the reader’s comprehension. There has been
some attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, although most are simple constructions.

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Grade 3 Unit 4 Writing: Narrative

Score Point 5

One Unusual Day

by Miguel R.

The day started out just like other days. It was a hot summer morning.
When I woke up the sky was bright blue with fluffy clouds. But after breakfast I
saw the sky was getting more dark and gray.
“It is going to rain,” Mami said. “Soon. If you are going outside to play do it
now because later will be wet outside.”
So I went to the yard and played on the swings a while. I did see that the
sky was getting real dark now. I thought we would get some rain. Good for the
flowers.
Just then something little and hard hit my arm. I looked around, maybe a
squirrul dropped an haycorn. Then another thing fell on me. What was this stuff?
Mami came to the door. She calls “Miguel come inside, this is a hail storm!”
Now I knew what it was. We watched the hail come down, we watched
from the kitchen window. Some of those hail stones were the size of gof balls!
So you could say we had an unusual day.

Focus—The response demonstrates the writer’s comprehension of purpose and audience.

Focus is consistently maintained throughout the narrative.
Organization—The organizational structure includes a beginning, middle, and conclusion
with a logical progression of events and details. The narrative demonstrates a sense of
wholeness. Transitional devices are used to show movement within the narrative.
Support—The narrative includes a controlling idea that unifies events and supporting ideas.
The writer uses elaborative details in many areas of the response.
Conventions—Knowledge of the conventions of capitalization and punctuation is
demonstrated. Errors in verb and noun forms do not impede communication. Commonly
used words are correctly spelled. Both simple and complex sentence structures are
incorporated.

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Grade 3 Unit 4 Writing: Narrative

Score Point 6

By the Rocks
by Patsy K.

Jamie sat on her striped towel on the beach. She dug her toes in the warm
sand. All around her, children were running and playing. Her sister Jill was
building a sand castul. It was a perfect beach day with the hot sun and cool
wind.
Jamie decided to go for a walk. On the way, she gathered tiny shells and
colorful stones. She dropped them into her sand pail. The waves looked like
white hair. Jamie thought the sea never looked so pretty before. She would walk
all the way to the rocks, she thought.
But what was that in the waves? She saw a girl’s head with long green hair
like sea weed. The girl swam up to the rocks. She had a shiny blue tail. A
mermaid! Jamie’s mouth dropped open. Yes, it was really a mermaid.
Jamie said “hello” to the mermaid but she just shook her head sadly. She
could not speak. So they looked at each other for a while. Then Patsy held out
her pail and showed the mermaid her stones and shells. The mermaid touched
each thing in the pail. Then she placed a sparkling necklace on the rock and
pointed to Jamie. And dived back under the waves.
Jamie put on the necklace of shells and stones. She would never forget
this unusual day.

Focus—The narrative develops a clear and focused chronology. The writer demonstrates a
strong awareness of the audience and a clear sense of purpose throughout.
Organization—The response maintains a logical structure from the beginning to the
conclusion. Transitional devices signal movement throughout the text. The narrative has a
sense of completeness.
Support—The writing demonstrates a mature command of language. Word choice is precise.
A number of details elaborate the events in the narrative.

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Conventions—The writing demonstrates a strong command of spelling, grammar,
capitalization, and punctuation. Sentences are complete except where fragments are used
intentionally. A variety of sentence structures are used.

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Grade 3 Unit 5 Writing: Narrative

Score Point 2

playen in the Play grownd

by Jody M.

I playen with my frens. We playen baskitball. Are mother make samiches

with ham. My bes fren Jrome. A good game. It hot there so we lef aftar a wile. I
praxtized til I maked the shot. Jrome and me goes to the sam skool. Its fun to
skore. Wen skool out we go evry day. Aftar skool be hom work.

Focus—The writing is slightly related to the topic, with some irrelevant information included.
Organization—Organization is weak; ideas are poorly related to one another. Transitional
devices are not included to show sequence or movement within the text. The paper does not
demonstrate a sense of wholeness.
Support—There is scant evidence of an organizational structure to the narrative. Supporting
details are sparse and are not elaborated. Word choice is inadequate and immature.
Conventions—Significant errors in spelling, mechanics, and usage are noted throughout the
response. Writer uses only simple constructions, and sentences may be incomplete or may
evidence other kinds of syntactical errors.

What Does a Score Point 1 Paper Look Like?

Focus—The response only minimally addresses the topic; the paper lacks an introductory
sentence, even one as rudimentary as that of the score 2 paper: “I playen (played) with my
frens (friends).” The response with a score of 1 seems scattered and reveals uncertainty about
the purpose for writing.
Organization—There is no evidence of an organizational pattern. The response lacks a
beginning, middle, and ending. Transitional devices are wholly absent.
Support—The writer’s word choice is immature and vague. The sparse details are irrelevant
or loosely connected to supporting ideas. In contrast to the paper with a score of 2, the paper
with a score of 1 will not include such supporting statements as “I praxtized (practiced) til

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(until) I maked (made) the shot” or ”Its (It’s) fun to skore (score).”
Conventions—Frequent errors in mechanics, spelling, and usage seriously impede the
readability and flow of the response. The sentences are simple constructions, with multiple
errors such as fragments and run-ons occurring more frequently than in the paper with a
score of 2.

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Grade 3 Unit 5 Writing: Narrative

Score Point 4

Our School Picnic

by Yancy B.

In spring we always have the picnic. We have it at the park by school. We

play games like soccar and softball. Everyone brings good things to eat. Families
come too. I brought my little sister, she doesn’t go to school yet. She will go in
two more years.
This spring was an expescially good picnic. Because they were giving a
puppet show for children. After we ate and played for a while, we got to watch
the show. The show was about some animals who acted like people do. It was
really funny. My favorite puppet the aligator who did not have much manners.
He always would be interupting other animals when they talk. Everybody
laughed when he was on the stage. I want to see some more of those shows.
After the puppet show we went to the playground until it was time to go.
I mostly played on the monkey bars. With Jordan. I loved that whole day.

Focus—The narrative is mainly focused on the topic but includes some loosely related
information. The introductory sentence is appropriate to the mode of a personal narrative
and indicates the focus.
Organization—The organizational pattern is adequate, with some lapses; details are
occasionally extraneous or may seem loosely related, but the narrative exhibits a sense of
wholeness. Some transitional devices are used to show the sequence of events.
Support—Some areas of the response contain supporting details. Word choice is somewhat
limited and repetitious.
Conventions—Knowledge of the conventions of punctuation and capitalization is
demonstrated, with some lapses. Commonly used words are usually spelled correctly. Most
sentences are simple constructions, with little variety. Sentences are generally complete.

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What Does a Score Point 3 Paper Look Like?
Focus—The writing is generally focused on the topic, with some extraneous details. There is
some sense that the writer understands the mode, purpose, and audience of narrative
writing.
Organization—Some organizational structure has been established, but with more frequent
lapses than occur in the paper with a score of 4. Transitional devices to signal movement
within the text are sparse. The paper lacks a sense of completeness. The response with a score
of 3 will often lack such introductory and concluding sentences as “In spring we always have
the picnic” and “I loved that whole day” or will not contain a clear beginning, middle, and
conclusion.
Support—The writer’s choice of words may be vague and predictable. Few details are used
to elaborate the events in the narrative, whereas the paper with a score of 4 contains several
details such as “animals who acted like people do” and “aligator (alligator) . . . interupting
(interrupting) other animals when they talk (talked).”
Conventions—Errors in mechanics, spelling, and usage, though occurring more often than in
the paper with a score of 4, are not serious enough to make the response unreadable. The
writer has made some attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, although most are
simple constructions.

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Grade 3 Unit 5 Writing: Narrative

Score Point 5

The Wild Park

by Matthew C.

Everyone who lives in this state has seen alygators and turtles. That is
because we live near the ocean. And also there are swamps. But here is what
happened to my family one day.
We were at the park, Mom and Dad and my brothers and me. We were
playing and having a cookout. Dad was cooking on one of the barbekew grills
they have at the park. Right near the picnic tables.
We were throwing a ball around and getting really hungry, the meat on
the grill smelling good. Then out of the bushes there came this huge cat. Only it
wasn’t a cat, not the house pet kind.
“Whoa!” Dad said. “That is no kitty cat! It’s a panthur!”
It must have smelled the cooking meat. It began circling around the
cookout area. It got so close we could see its green eyes. I don’t know what we
would have done if no one else was around. Luckily, one of those parks trucks
came by just then. They caught the panthur. The man told me they would bring
it back to the wild because it was a indangered spechies. That was some day at
the park!

Focus—The writing is focused on the topic and adequately develops the narrative thread.
Focus is maintained throughout the response.
Organization—The organizational structure includes a beginning, middle, and conclusion
with a logical progression of events and details, although a few lapses may occur. The
narrative exhibits a sense of wholeness. Transitional devices are used to show movement
within the text.
Support—The narrative includes a story line that develops events with supporting details in
many areas of the response.
Conventions—Knowledge of the conventions of capitalization and punctuation is
demonstrated. Errors in verb and noun forms do not impede communication. Commonly

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used words are correctly spelled in most cases. Both simple and complex sentence structures
are incorporated.

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Grade 3 Unit 5 Writing: Narrative

Score Point 6
At the Boat Pond
by Claire A.

My city park has a small pond where you can rent toy boats. I always
wanted to try that. One day my older cousin Katie and I went to the boat pond
and she rented a boat for us.
Our boat number was 89. It was painted blue with a white sail. They draw
the numbers in black on the sail so you can spot your boat all the way across the
pond, which is fairly large. There was a good breeze that day, and the sailboat
zipped across the water with its fluttering sail.
Steering the boat was the challenge. When you rent the boat, you also get
a rimote control. You use these switches to steer the boat. That takes some
practice. At first, my boat just kept turning in crazy circles, but then I mastered
the rimote. It was so much fun, we kept the boat for a whole hour.
While we were getting ready to return the boat, a mother duck and her
flock of baby ducklings paddled up to us. I fed them some crumbs from my
sandwich. As we were leaving, we saw them swimming around the pond, trying
not to bump into the boats. I guess what looked like toys to us seemed like
ocean liners to them.

Focus—The personal narrative exhibits a clear purpose for writing and a sense of audience.
The focus of the response is controlled and well-maintained throughout.
Organization—The narrative has a logical structure that includes a solid beginning, middle,
and conclusion. Transitional devices signal movement throughout the text and show a
sequence of events. The narrative exhibits a sense of completeness.
Support—The writer has a mature command of language. Word choice is precise. A number
of well-chosen details elaborate the events in the narrative.
Conventions—Demonstrates a strong command of spelling, grammar, capitalization, and
punctuation. Sentences are complete although fragments may be used intentionally. A
variety of sentence structures, from simple to complex, are used.

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Grade 3 Unit 6 Writing: Expository Writing

Score Point 2
What a persun shud do
by Marla T.

A good cizen shud do good. To me be kine to you naybors. The olderlys

needs care. wen us is old sumbody mite care of we. It good to care for uther.
Evry budy do that the comunity a bedder plase. Like if its saf, no vilunce. A cidy
were peepul good is a good plase to be

Focus—The writing is only slightly related to the topic. Focus is intermittently maintained.
Organization—There is little sense of structure in the response. Ideas are not organized in
logical sequence and show only a loose relationship to one another. The writing lacks a sense
of completeness.
Support—Language is vague or immature. Elaborative details are lacking throughout the
response. Sentences are fragmented, incomplete, or choppy.
Conventions—Frequent errors in spelling, mechanics, and usage mar the writing and detract
from meaning. Sentences are limited to simple constructions, with numerous sentence
fragments and other syntactical errors noted.

What Does a Score Point 1 Paper Look Like?

Focus—The writing only minimally addresses the topic. Unrelated ideas are loosely strung
together. A controlling idea is absent, in contrast to the paper with a score of 2: “A good cizen
(citizen) shud (should) do good.”
Organization—Writing related to the topic has no organizational pattern. The response lacks
a logical progression of ideas, and the paper seems undeveloped and incomplete.
Transitional devices are not present in the paper.
Support—The writer’s use of language is well below grade level. Word choice is vague and
often irrelevant. There are few, if any, supporting details, compared with the paper with a
score of 4, which offers details such as “The olderlys (elderly) needs (need) care” or “Like if its
(it’s) saf, no vilunce (violence).”

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Conventions—Significant errors in mechanics, spelling, and usage greatly impede
comprehension of the response. Commonly used words are most often incorrectly spelled.
Numerous syntactical errors seriously detract from the writing.

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Grade 3 Unit 6 Writing: Expository

Score Point 4

What Makes a Good Citizen

by Joel W.

What makes a good citizen is following the laws. If you obay rules, it
makes the world safer. Like, drivers need to stop at stop signs. Imagin what
happens if everyone just drive as fast as they want. Well, it is the same with most
other things. The laws are there to make it safer. The goverment makes the laws.
For another thing, good citizens also help other people. If you see
someone hurt, you should help them. It might be that nobody else is around. So
then you have to do it. Not wait for some one else. Don’t put off what you can
do for another day.
In school the teacher says let’s be good citizens and help each other. I
think what I said is mostly what she means. You have to think of other people
not just what you want. That is the whole idea.

Focus—The paper is generally focused on the topic, with some loosely related information
included.
Organization—An organizational pattern is evident with some lapses. Transitions are
present in some areas of the response. The paper exhibits a sense of completeness.
Support—Word choice is limited and at times repetitious. Supporting details are present in
some parts of the paper. A number of details may seem irrelevant to the central and
supporting ideas.
Conventions—Basic knowledge of the conventions of punctuation and capitalization is
demonstrated. Commonly used words are spelled correctly in most cases. The writer has
made some effort to use a variety of sentence structures, but most are simple constructions.

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What Does a Score Point 3 Paper Look Like?
Focus—The writing is less consistently focused on the topic than is the paper with a score of
4, and contains a greater number of unrelated details. There is some sense of mode, purpose,
and audience.
Organization—An attempt to organize ideas is apparent but intermittent. There is limited
use of transitions. The expository element of the paper is weak, and the paper lacks of sense
of completeness.
Support—The writer’s choice of words is limited and predictable. Few supporting details are
included in the response. Elaboration and examples are markedly sparser than in the paper
with a score of 4, which offers details including “Like, drivers need to stop at stop signs” or “If
you see someone hurt, you should help them.”
Conventions—Knowledge of the conventions of punctuation and capitalization is
demonstrated. Frequently used words are generally spelled correctly, with some lapses. Most
sentences are simple constructions, with errors such as fragments and run-ons occurring
more frequently than in the paper with a score of 4 points.

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Grade 3 Unit 6 Writing: Expository

Score Point 5

Citizenship in the Community

by Sherry H.

It is true that communities are full of good citizens. Most people follow the
laws so we have safe places to live. When you grow up you understand what
laws mean and what they are for. Right now your mom and dad and teacher can
explain them to you.
My Mom and Dad belong to the Neighborhood Watch. That is a group
that watches over the streets to see if there is anybody doing wrong. Most of the
neighbors know each other. They will know if there is any trouble. And call the
police.
Some things a good citizen must also do are help other people and tell
the truth. It is important to stand up for other’s rights. Strong people should
help the weaker ones. That is part of being a good citizen. We have to think not
only of ourselves, but think about being part of the whole group. To me, that is
what being a good citizen is.

Focus—The writing is focused on the topic and adequately develops the main idea of the
exposition. Focus is maintained throughout the response.
Organization—An organizational structure is apparent and demonstrates a logical
progression of ideas, although a few lapses may occur. The response exhibits a sense of
wholeness. Transitional devices are often used where appropriate.
Support—The key ideas in the exposition are supported by elaboration and examples in
many areas of the response. The writing has a sense of wholeness. Transitional words are used
to show the relationship between points.
Conventions—Knowledge of the conventions of capitalization and punctuation is
demonstrated. Errors in verb and noun forms do not impede communication. Commonly
used words are correctly spelled in most cases. Both simple and complex sentence structures
are incorporated.

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Grade 3 Unit 6 Writing: Expository

Score Point 6

The Meaning of Citizenship

by Wilson J.

To me, citizenship is an important part of life. Being a good citizen means

acting like a responsable person. To do that you have to follow the law and use
good jugement. You must also help others whenever you can.
Responsable people feel that they belong to their community. They vote
and learn about what is important for their community and their state. They try
to follow rules unless doing that seems wrong to them. Then they try to change
things for the better.
Helping other people is a big part of being a good citizen. Sometimes it’s
hard to know just how to help. That is where you must use your jugement. For
example in my class one boy was always getting picked on by another boy. I
wondered if I should tell the teacher. The teacher would make the other boy
stop but then he might pick on me. I decided to tell because it was not fair to
the boy who had the problem. In the end I think I used good jugement.
So being a good citizen can mean many different things. It is something
we can all work on every day.

Focus—The writer develops a clear and focused explanation of the topic. Response
demonstrates a strong awareness of the audience and a clear sense of purpose.
Organization—The clear organizational pattern includes an introduction, body, and
conclusion. Transitional words and phrases signal movement within the text and introduce
new points. A sense of completeness is evident.
Support—Ample supporting details and a developed example are used to elaborate on ideas
and personal reactions. Details are well-chosen and appropriate.
Conventions—The response demonstrates a strong command of spelling, grammar,
capitalization, and punctuation. Various sentence structures are employed, adding fluidity to
the text.

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