First Edition.

Copyright © 2020 by Murph.

Registration Number: 312236555 - 11326606
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be
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ISBN: 978-0-9959882
 Objective
“There is one thing stronger than all the armies in the world,
and that is an idea whose time has come.”
- Victor Hugo
(Author of Les Misérables.)
 The goal? To remove oil tankers from the oceans faster than
anyone ever imagined. How? By disrupting a major segment of
the world’s economy and diverting their huge profits to fight
Climate Change. What segment? Any product that is derived
from Mother Nature. (Shampoo, cookies, soup, etc.) Right now
the greedy capitalists bastards own Mother Nature, but once a
few dominoes start falling, we’ll rip it back from them.
This massive segment of the world’s economy is what I call
the ‘Staple Goods Industry.’ It’s mostly controlled by greedy
companies who engage in misleading advertising, often avoid
paying tax through offshore shell companies, keep worker
wages low, while management salaries soar and they don’t care
about the environment or Climate Change.
And what do they provide us with? ‘Corn Flakes.’ Throw a
kernel of corn on a hot frying pan and presto, you’ve got
yourself a corn flake. That wasn’t so tough. This large business
sector doesn’t know it yet, but they’re hurtling towards
oblivion. They’re ripe for disruption precisely because everyone
in the world buys their products.
I know what you’re thinking. ‘Great, another Paul Newman
salad dressing. That’s a dud.’ I kinda know that, so I’ve
introduced a clever twist into my thinking. And that one small
thought, will soon have people all over the world clamouring to
buy our rapidly expanding line of disrupted Mother Nature
products. And I don’t want a dime. This is a freebie.
And we really don’t need these companies. And firms like
Nestlé, 3M, Proctor & Gamble, Mars and Unilever, etc. never
saw this coming and there’ll be nothing they can do to stop us.
Who’s going to miss those guys? They’re ‘elbow slamming’
their way through the capitalist game by making false product
claims, exploiting their workers, ripping off their customers and
polluting the environment. We’ll be ‘elbow slamming’ our way
past those guys struggling to keep up with consumer demand
and redirecting the profits from their owner’s lavish lifestyles
and use them instead to fight Climate Change.
I’m a Canadian from Winnipeg now retired in Thailand. My
MBA is from Canada’s Ivey Business School, the world’s only
Harvard Business School franchise. We studied three Harvard
business cases every day. Top notch place. I knew a blockbuster
Hollywood movie would be required to alert the world that a
seismic event has just occurred so I began writing books,
because movies need backstories. This book is intended to
release my Big Idea to the world. I think it will go viral.
My next book, among other things follows my real life global
pursuits of all my many failed attempts to finance a rare
pristine water spewing volcano found in Canada, 40 km from
the US border, near the picturesque town of Kenora, on
beautiful Lake of the Woods. (The thirteenth largest lake in the
world, but this lake has 14,522 islands.)

Many Winnipegger’s own a cottage.

We did.
I pursued this curious opportunity, partly because I needed
something less stressful. I’d recently experienced a catastrophic
major business failure, all because I hadn’t realized that my
1986 software company had been infiltrated by Hong Kong
Triad gangsters and that my partner was in on the betrayal.
SONA was poised to be a major success. We’d bought from
The Boeing Company, the code for the world’s first operating
system that could actually understand the English language. Bill
Gates’ DOS was the dominant software back then, but it was
pure crap. It couldn’t understand English. Since I used to be an
investment banker, I knew how to raise the money. I became
the Chief Financial Officer of SONA. I raised a lot of money, but
to no avail. Yet lessons were learned.

I was there at the dawn of the world’s biggest industry.

I should’ve been a software billionaire in my early-thirties.
In my next book I tell the facts behind my repeated attempts
to release the true value of this rare water spewing volcano and
in the process bring H2ope to a cruel world.
In this book, you’ll read about my bold Big Idea. It’s an out-
of-the-box-thinking global business disruption event that will
grow to become a significant new weapon in our frantic effort
to fight Climate Change. It’s common sense and there is no
government involvement. You’ll soon learn how H2ope is finally
coming to a cruel world.
What do you have to lose?
 The Big Idea
“Someone’s sitting in the shade today,
because someone planted a tree a long time ago.”
- Warren Buffett
(I think you know him.)
 After 28 years of trying, it was time to abandon any hope of
launching the water volcano through conventional means. In
fact, I sensed I was approaching my David and Goliath moment.
If the capitalists weren’t going to let me play in their game,
then I’ll just have to go around them. I was getting used to that.

To beat the capitalists I’d have to find their weakness. Like

David, I needed a vulnerable spot where I could heave my
devastating stone. I found it in ‘Greed’. Without greed there
would be no capitalism. It’s what gets the greedy people out of
bed every morning. But in its current ruthless form, greed is
aligned in capitalism in the worst possible direction. It starts at
top management (greedy) and then makes a beeline to Wall
Street (really greedy) and then ultimately heads over to
shareholders (just plain greedy), but none of those players are
critical to a company’s success. Customers are. Because without
customers - you got nothing. It’s true. If customers abandon
even the most entrenched global companies, those companies
become worthless. But how to get greed over to customers?
Then it hit me. A lottery! Yeah, a lottery. And give the tickets
away. They epitomize greed. Every player wants to win so he
can buy stuff. That looks like greed to me. It gives them hope
and there’s scant bit of it about for most people in the world.
 And I’m proving the power of cash incentives to sell
products, by offering every reader of my books a CLIP that gives
them a chance to win US$1 million. And because I am, they’ll
sell rather quickly. Odds of winning start at one in 160,000.
But I know that many think that only a fool would buy a
lottery ticket, but I’d come right back at them with the logic
that only a fool would ignore a free lottery ticket. What if it was
a winning ticket?
Now I needed a reason to exist. A non-profit needs a cause
célèbre. Climate Change is the most serious threat mankind has
ever faced. And what’s worse, it’s a creeping threat. Hard to get
people motivated. It’s a scary future we’re looking at if we
continue to go down the same path we’ve been on. We have to
reduce burning fossil fuels. So we’ll use the remaining profits,
to fund promising renewable energy projects.
Then I needed to think about what this new company was
going to sell. It has to be something easy, so why not produce
and sell anything that comes from Mother Nature? That’s a big
market. All the good things from Mother Nature rightly belong
to the people. Capitalism didn’t come along until the late
Middle Ages. We did just fine before.
 Reining in greedy capitalism has been a goal since - forever.
You see, we can’t just rely on governments to get us out of
this mess. Even Canada is having trouble with three unruly
provinces who are refusing to meet Justin Trudeau’s Paris
commitments. And then look at Trump. Few Americans wanted
to drop out of the Paris Climate Agreement, but Trump did. His
base is ignorant. Gallup claims 91% of them think Climate
Change is a joke, even though the most intense hurricanes ever
recorded recently devastated America and for the first time, we
all learned that there are now polar vortexes to contend with.

Omaha, Nebraska hit a record -25 °F.

Well, when this new company emerges, the whole world can
flip Donald the bird. Finally the people will be empowered to do
what governments won’t. That’s a big deal. I can’t remember
any time in the history of mankind when the people were given
that kind of clout without them having to resort to violence and
brutally kick the bastards out of power.
Okay, so far so good, but I know what you’re thinking.
‘Murph, where are you going to get the $ billions you’ll need to
launch this massive new global entity? You’ve trashed Wall
Street. You’ve got no shareholders.’ Don’t worry, I know where
I’m going to get the money and I think we’ll surpass Alibaba’s
$25 billion record breaking IPO. In fact, I think we’ll get more
than $100 billion. And unlike Alibaba, who had to pay Wall
Street almost $1.7 billion in fees, we won’t have to pay those
guys a dime. Wall Street is the beast of greed.
So let me reveal my source of financing later, which is kinda
what you normally do. You never pitch a deal to your funding
guys asking how much you want up front, before they even
know what the deal is about. No, first you have to sell them on
the merits of your idea and then carefully ask them to consider
funding it. So that’s what I intend to do. I’m going to use
common sense arguments that will conclusively prove that
when you make that tiny tweak to the current capitalist model,
whereby you transfer greed away from those who aren’t
deserving of it, and instead give to your customers – well, it
changes everything. And I mean everything. All obstacles just
start falling away and global success is virtually guaranteed.
The H2ope Corporation
It’s not a bad name. In fact, the capitalists never call their
products Hope. It’s the kiss of death. ‘I hope they don’t return
it. I hope they don’t die. I hope they won’t figure out that our
marketing is pure bullshit, etc.’ Can you imagine our logo?

H2ope
Okay. That’s not bad, but someone can come up with the
perfect logo that will rank right up there with the Pepsi and
Coke logo. They’ll have to, because you’re going to be seeing
our logo everywhere. (Remember, we could have over $100
billion at our disposal.) But unlike Coke and Pepsi, below our
rotating, towering logos will be large neon lights announcing
next Tuesday’s estimated jackpot.

You’ll never see some high paid athlete kicking a ball into an
empty net next to our logo. No, we’re going to give our
customers a little more credit in the intellect department than
that. Instead our customers are going to see our big logo and
think, ‘Wow! The jackpot rolled over. It’s $130 million this week.
I’m going to duck into this 7-Eleven and buy me some H2ope
Deodorant because I desperately need some and you can’t win
a lottery without some free tickets.’
Now some readers will be thinking, this is pure nonsense,
because they’ve never bought a lottery ticket in their life and
they wouldn’t care about being given even a free lottery ticket.
Fair enough, but they’re forgetting a couple of things. First,
everybody on this planet has to eat and buy stuff like
toothpaste, not just them. And there are magnitudes more
people who are looking for any chance to get a life changing
opportunity that frees them from their daily grind, then there
are of these well-off cynics. And secondly, these skeptics will
soon be reading big headlines all around the world every time
The H2ope Corporation permanently removes another oil
tanker from the high seas.
So we’ve got the coveted double dip going here. The chance
of winning a US$1 million and the sense of satisfaction that
comes from knowing that your purchasing decisions, when
combined with perhaps a billion other people’s similar
purchasing decisions, is helping remove oil tankers. So even if
you don’t care about getting a free lottery ticket, you might still
change the brand of corn flakes you buy, because you’ll be
periodically reminded that another oil tanker is being reduced
to scrap metal on a beach in Bangladesh.
However if you still insist on buying Kellogg’s Corn Flakes,
then you’re a useless human being and a drag on society and
your friends will notice. And you might start noticing you have
fewer friends.

Didn’t buy H2ope products.

Loser!
Ashley did. Winner!
Okay, now let’s break this down.
 Potential Products
Just use your imagination. I did and came up with this brief
list fairly quickly:
Sunscreen; aspirin; spices; nuts; jam; mints; yogurt; raisins; tea;
pasta; juice; ice cream; cereal; Spam; pickles; Ritz; moisturizer; pet
food; soap; mustard; 3M products; Duncan Hines; gum; Betadine;
instant coffee; Glade; granola bars; pancake mix; olives; WD-40;
vitamins; glue; eyewear; tortillas; golf balls; soup; licorice; Windex;
Oreo; guacamole; baby food; diapers; cream cheese; salad dressing;
Rolaids; wieners; tuna fish; frozen pizza & French fries, etc. etc. etc.
In fact, the next time you’re at a grocery store go up and
down the aisles and start imagining those products whose
brand name could be easily replaced with the H2ope logo.
There’s actually quite a few and we may have over $100 billion
to own the factories to produce those products.
Production
Most of these products are so easy to make you just need to
watch one of those How it’s Made TV shows and then go out
and buy the equipment, but I don’t think we even need to go to
that much trouble. If we raise in excess of $100 billion the
industry will go berserk. That’s a lot of dough. Stocks will crash.

In fact, I predict that some competitors will go bankrupt even

before we’ve entered their market. Why? Because these
companies are usually highly leveraged. They’ve been showing
consistent cash flow for decades and that allows them to access
cheap financing. But a lot of those loans need rolling over and if
panic is the order of the day, the banks will get skittish. They
may baulk and that could lead to a cascade of insolvency. So
yeah, the world will still be cruel, but now only for our former
overlords.
Every product has competition except for maybe Jack Link’s
beef jerky. Jack just spends so much money on advertising that
nobody bothers. But we will. And we won’t spend a dime
advertising ‘H2ope’s no-Jack Jerky.’ Kellogg’s has Post, Listerine
has Scope, Twinning’s has Tetley, and Skippy peanut butter
battles Jif. You get the idea. Now when we introduce H2ope
Peanut Butter into a number of major global markets where we
have a presence, something’s got to give. I mean, what do you
think? Because I think we’ll capture up to 80% of the peanut
butter market right off the bat. I mean, it’s only peanut butter.
Peanuts all taste the same. How tough is that to make?
I’ll make sure we hire some ruthless executives to go around
the world and make low-ball offers to acquire soon to be
abandoned manufacturing plants. And Scope, you better make
up your mind quickly, because if you dither - Listerine might
cave. And in some cases, we may not even be dealing with the
company. We’ll be dealing with their banks and those guys love
to dump non-performing loans off their books as fast as they
can.
The H2ope App
We’re going to need an App. The ‘H2ope App’ will be the
platform for the organization to interact with the public. Our
App has to allow for timely movement of data and the ability to
scale during rapid growth.
 H2ope products will have varying prices, we need to fix a $
amount for each lottery ticket. Say we set a price of $1.25 for
H2ope Gum, our least expensive product. Make it an impulse
purchase and locate it near the check-out. We should sell lots.
Total H2ope purchases by a customer each week will be divided
by $1.25 to determine the number of tickets he gets.

The ‘H2ope App’ requires a password to allow customers to

collect tickets. Our App will allow our customers to select a re-
occurring number, or quick picks will be assigned to each
entitled ticket. Every Tuesday, a typical ball shuffling machine
will pick the winning numbers. People will want to know if
they’ve won, or if not, how close they came to winning. The
App would show the customer all the ticket numbers they were
assigned and any matched numbers would be boldly identified.
If no one wins, the jackpot rolls over and greed unleashes a
new wave of even greater demand for H2ope products.
Mums mostly do the shopping. If they buy ‘H2ope products,’
their families will be getting wholesome natural products at a
competitive price and that all the profits will go to the most
urgent problem facing mankind today. They worry about their
kid’s future, plus they don’t want to be bombarded with
misleading advertising. They just need to see our logo and the
upcoming estimated weekly jackpot prize everywhere and
that’ll be good enough. After each drawing, people everywhere
will be checking their phones to see if they’ve won. It’s fun.
Marketing
The consumer ‘Staple Goods Industry’ is all about marketing.
Massive amounts of money are being spent on misleading ads
trying to convince us to buy stuff like Listerine mouthwash.
Removes Plaque! Yeah, right. The most outrageous commercial
ever, was when a protesting girl with a flower in her hair
approaches a menacing line of SWAT clad riot police and hands
one of them a can of Pepsi and all the riot induced tensions just
fade away. That ad was quickly pulled, but I’m pretty sure the
top boys over at Pepsi who are all earning tens of millions of
dollars and benefiting from $ millions more from stock options
each year, approved that ad. What else do they do all day?
Thankfully we’ll never need those useless executives, so that’s a
big avoidable expense. In fact, we don’t need to advertise at all.
Our marketing can be limited to just erecting giant H2ope logo’s
everywhere and each week have someone, somewhere change
the estimated jackpot by typing nine keys on a keyboard.
And we can get away with this, because soon Al Gore will
read this and he’ll be interested. Two summers ago, Mr. Gore
was screaming on CNN spots promoting his upcoming town hall
meeting on Climate Change;
‘Future generations will shout, what were you guys thinking?’
Because we’re doing nothing. And we’ve been doing nothing
ever since Jacque Cousteau started warning us of the threat to
our oceans. Like about 40 years ago. We’re like that frog slowly
boiling to death. No, when Al Gore reads my Big Idea he’ll get
on the phone to Jeff Skoll and this train lurches out of the
station. Jeff Skoll and Al Gore won two Academy Awards for
their documentary An Inconvenient Truth.
 Jeff’s the Canadian co-founder of eBay who only wants to
make movies about true stories that change the world. He’s
Hollywood’s richest producer and cares passionately about
Climate Change. Now he finally has the movie he’s been looking
for. With Al Gore egging him on, he’ll get involved. We’re going
to need a blockbuster comedy where the last third of the film
shows the rise of H2ope into the world’s economy. Even if we’re
not in operation, the audience will know we’re coming.
This could be a great movie. Who’s not going to be moved by
images of frantic shoppers fighting to buy H2ope products, or
watching abandoned oil tankers on the beaches of Bangladesh
slowly being devoured for scrap metal, or become giddy
watching a furious mega-yacht owner see his 200 foot floating
palace being repo’d and then towed towards Bangladesh?
The millennials will be all over this movie. Lots of good jobs
on offer. The young can handle them. After all, we’re just going
to be making stuff like yogurt. And the millennials are going to
be highly motivated. Possibly even obsessed. They’ll get to
repeatedly kick the greedy capitalists when they’re bleeding
and down on their knees. It will be like a real life LA gang turf
war. No mercy. A fight to the death, because this could happen.
Every generation has wanted this opportunity.

The gals hate capitalists, unless they marry a rich one.

 H2ope will be a great place to work. Where else can a 25 year
old MBA get the chance to oversee the entire roll out of
products like H2ope’s Love Lubricants? (Big profit margins!) And
if that turns out to be a great success, and if he, or she wants,
they can transfer to Berlin and launch ‘H2ope’s Stormtrooper
Waffle,’ (a hit-job on the popular German Destrooper Waffle.)
Each launch will only get easier. It’ll be a great career!

I’d love to have been able to work at H2ope.

We’ve also got lottery winners. They’re fun to watch when
they win. In the movie, the crowd will enjoy following some
stumbling drunk Californian dude, pop into a 7-Eleven and buy
some ‘H2ope Condoms.’ Amazingly in his wasted state, he has
the presence of mind to remember to scan his phone at the
check-out counter. Next morning this poor guy is bolt upright in
bed. His smartphone is screaming, ‘Congratulations Jim, you’ve
just won $1 million in the H2ope Lottery.’ It doesn’t take Jim
long to figure out he’s set for life. He can’t believe his luck. The
babe last night was hot, the condom didn’t rip and now he’s a
millionaire. None of these scenes alone make for a great movie,
but when they’re coming at ya, fast and furious one after
another, no one will be bored watching this flick.
We’ll need some big stars. Their involvement will pack the
theatres. Matt Damon might be a good choice to play me. I was
35 when I learned about the water volcano. I’m now 63. Matt is
currently 47. Perfect to play me as I age. And his chosen charity
is, get this? Water. He’ll want to go see the water volcano.

Oliver Stone was swimming in my Bangkok pool.

He was visiting my neighbour to score some pot. He’ll remember.
My partner Brad Nelson was the Kenora guy who sorta found
the water spewing volcano. Remind you of anyone?

Jack Black! They’ll get along. Jack will like this role.
George Clooney, why not consider playing my dad? It’s not a
big role. It won’t take up much of your time. An often angry and
eccentric Harvard Gold Medal recipient pediatric heart surgeon,
who before Canada had free health care, used to frequently
perform lifesaving surgery on the tiniest humans around. For
free. Some were from Kenora. He was the only Canadian to be
appointed to The American College of Surgeons. George, it’s a
great role. All true. Don’t let this one slip away. And Jeff’s
already financed three of yours and Matt Damon’s previous
movies. You’re all on speed dial.

We love you….. …..Jeff Skoll!

And after the movie, maybe Jeff can convince the Coen
Brothers to produce a TV series like Fargo that plays on HBO2.
Call it Kenora. We need to keep The H2ope Corporation at the
forefront of the world’s attention. Let’s steal from the Trump
playbook of getting free advertising and nonstop publicity that
sucks all the oxygen away from our competitors.
I’ll ask the CBC to produce and globally syndicate The H2ope
Tank. Social entrepreneurs like say, a group of recent German
graduates can pitch their tasty sauerkraut recipe to a panel of
celebrity guests in the hope of getting funding, being included
in the H2ope lottery and most importantly – securing precious
German shelf space. ‘Think globally. Act local.’ We could be the
new Wall Street for young entrepreneurs looking for money.
Why go there? They’ll just force you to be greedy.
None of our competitors will get that kind of weekly free
exposure, because they’ve got shareholders and those guys are
greedy. So is their management. They’re never going to help in
the fight to wean the planet off of hydrocarbons. And as a
result, it’s always the workers and the environment that suffer.
Of course, it’s reasonable to argue that our lottery is our
advertising. If we didn’t offer one, we’d have to advertise and
be like every other ‘me too’ product out there, except we’d be
a nonprofit fighting Climate Change. Boring! How many of you
have bought Paul Newman’s salad dressing? How many of you
know where that money’s going? How many of you even know
who Paul Newman is? We on the other hand just need to offer
weekly and growing lotteries to keep our customers buying.
Our terrified rivals need to be constantly advertising. They’re
forced to hire a marketing department, an ad agency, media
buyers, etc. Then they have to continually bombard the world
with new and endless bullshit commercials. All those re-
occurring costs are expensive and we’ll avoid them all.
Now many will notice during these arguments that I’m wildly
estimating the weekly jackpot amounts. I jump from $32 million
all the way up to $130 million. No choice. I haven’t a clue what
the weekly jackpots will be. But if we’re operating in say, 70
developed countries, selling dozens of products and capturing
upwards of 80% of the market for every product we sell, maybe
the weekly jackpot can exceed $70 million. If it rolls over a few
times it could hit $300 million. I don’t know. But I do know that
in Canada the punters go crazy when the jackpot reaches $50
million. Need some pasta tonight? Might as well buy H2ope
Pasta and collect two free $100 million lottery tickets.
The H2ope Lottery
Powerful forces will try to claim our lottery is illegal, but we
have precedent from products all over the world whose sales
are stimulated with a lottery. Publisher’s Clearing House
Sweepstakes in 2017 was a measly $15 million. That’s a lottery.
If we encounter problems, maybe there’s a work-around by
calling it something else. Words matter. Perhaps naming our
lottery a Customer Loyalty Incentive Program, or CLIP, is all
that’s needed. (I’m selling my books using CLIPs. They’ll work.)
‘Hey honey, major shopping today. Scored 115 CLIPs.’
‘Great. The jackpot this week is $98 million.’
I don’t think our free tickets will stop people from buying the
649 or Powerball. Those purchases are already budgeted for
and by just buying stuff they need anyway, we’ll be giving our
customers more chances to win. And governments can tax our
winners. The US does. Our tickets are free. Doubt we’ll award
the entire jackpot to one winner. We can split it up into
multiple $1 million winners and depending on how many
numbers you match, you can always be sent a digital coupon
that gives you a varying $ amount of free H2ope products.
They’ll be loads of winners each week. Denying us our CLIPs
and in effect preventing us from helping save the environment
will bring the crowds out onto the streets. After the movie it’ll
be easy to agitate them. And it may get violent.
Big Idea too Big?
You’re thinking, ‘It’s too big Murph. You’ll never be able to
pull this off.’ Really? Elon Musk (net worth $21.2 billion), knew
nothing about the auto industry. In fact, he considers it a
negative for anyone looking to work over at Tesla to have
extensive automobile experience on their résumé. And yet that
guy is manufacturing the most advanced cars on the planet in
the largest and most modern factory in the world in California.
And then he went and did it again with his SpaceX rockets. Now
he’s embarrassing NASA. And Elon’s accomplished all of this by
raising around $13 billion. We’ll have more than $100 billion.
And let’s just step back for a second and think about this. Is
making mayonnaise, or peanut butter more difficult than
building rockets that at the last minute turn upside down and
gently land right-side-up so they can be used again? It’s mayo
for God’s sake! (Combine egg yolk, mustard, vinegar, lemon
juice, and 1/2 teaspoon of salt in a medium bowl. Whisk until
blended for 30 seconds. Add 1/4 cup oil to yolk mixture, a few
drops at a time.) No, this isn’t an unrealistic idea. With money,
you can do anything. Ask Elon.

Or this?
Would you rather make this? Hint: Peanuts all taste the same.
If you’re struggling with this then I suggest you stop reading.
H2ope Dope
Moving on. I like this name. I can’t wait to see the final logo,
because pot is now legal in Canada. And of course Canadians
are going to buy H2ope Dope. (Many will grow their own, but
still.) H2ope Dope will feature on its package cover, a classroom
in Burma with a noticeable newly installed air conditioner. Pull
out the insert and the stoners can learn:
‘Only 39,250 joints were sold to enable H2ope workers
to install rooftop solar panels that now powers that new
air conditioner. Before the air conditioner, the kids had a
hard time focusing in the oven that was their former
classroom. And get this, one of our guys spotted a similar
school 15 kl down the road. We’re going there tomorrow.
And by the way, thanks everyone and enjoy your high.’
 No stoner likes mean-spirited capitalism, but they’ll enjoy
watching our epic battle unfold. We’re going to use brute force
to push our rivals off of what’s about to become our turf. So
sorry Winston Weed. Your slogan, ‘Winston tastes good like a
weapons grade reefer should.’ ain’t going to cut it. You’re just
another pig trying to muscle your way into a new and lucrative
trough. But those days are over. Any business can grow pot, but
how many will give all the profits away to fight Climate Change?
H2ope in America
Only in the US, would a country allow what was once their
4th largest city to fall into decay. I can’t see Canada letting
Winnipeg suffer the same fate. But America believes in the
power of the market, damn the consequences. Good, because
Detroit would make a great place to locate our home office.
Houses are dirt cheap and the town is already undergoing a
millennial renewal. With the arrival of The H2ope Corporation,
Detroit could be a beacon for the young to gravitate to.
And if we’re not interested in buying all of our soon-to-be-
bankrupt competitor’s manufacturing facilities, because some
are either obsolete, or poorly located, we might as well build
brand new H2ope manufacturing plants across the US rust belt.
Trump promised those neglected folks jobs and they believed
him. But he didn’t have a plan and he never meant it anyway.
Trump is never going to give Americans any H2ope.
 H2ope Employees
The H2ope Corporation is my gift to the millennials. This
generation hates today’s greedy form of capitalism. Remember
‘The Occupy Wall Street’ movement? That sputtered, because
they didn’t have a plan and a revolution without a plan always
fizzles. Ask Lenin. He had a plan. Bit ruthless, what with the
gulags and all the show trials, but at least he had a plan. My Big
Idea also has a plan and I’m rather pleased that it doesn’t
involve any violence. It merely appeals to our common sense.
But to make it work, it’s going to need about a million workers
who aren’t greedy.
On Dec 4, 2017, the New York Times wrote an article ‘No
Wonder Millennial’s Hate Capitalism.’ They despise our brutal
current capitalist system and ostentatious materialism. I think
periodically removing an oil tanker from the high seas is what
they’ll like. What choice do they have? Their backs are up
against the wall. Sure we’re going need some experts who’ll
demand a competitive wage, but the bulk of the workforce can
be trained in-house and paid an indexed living wage, but not an
excessive one. I think we’ll find plenty of qualified young people
to take us up on that offer, especially when I’ll be insisting that
everyone working at H2ope will be entitled to a well-funded
pension plan. Remember those?

And then along came greedy Uber.

 Our workers will have representation on the Board. We’ll
provide great working conditions and we can do that because
building an Olympic size swimming pool in Detroit is a lot
cheaper than building one in San Jose, roof included. Sexual
harassment will not be tolerated, nor will any discrimination.
Gays, Muslims, Blacks, Asians who cares? We just want the
most enthusiastic to apply. We’ll provide housing assistance
where appropriate and everyone will be given the opportunity
to apply for an overseas posting.
The H2ope millennial workforce needs to be infused with the
belief that they’re part of something bigger than just working
for any company. They’re special. They’re the solution. They’re
not the problem. They’re helping save humanity. That’s a great
inspiration to instill a resilient corporate culture. And after
working at H2ope for a few years and gaining experience they’d
never get anywhere else at their age, if some want to leave to
make more money in the capitalist world, by all means - go. But
when they discover the true horror of working in that greedy
environment we’ll welcome them back.
Financing
The moment you’ve all been waiting for. Where am I going
to get this so called $100 billion from? The billionaires, but not
just any billionaires, because we all know how stingy they are.
The lone Koch brother is worth $53 billion and the Mercer’s
have less than $1 billion. (Is that all?) These greedy people use
Citizen’s United to manipulate Deplorables to vote against their
own interests. Yet, ‘The arc of the moral universe is long, and
always bends towards H2ope.’ I don’t expect these greedy
billionaires to give The H2ope Corporation a dime. Who cares?
The sixth richest people in the world now own more wealth
than the bottom half of the world’s population. The top 1%
have more money than the bottom 99%. Go figure. There’s
seven billion of us, and there’s a handful of them and we can’t
correct this obscene imbalance? Rule of law I guess.
The Pope says, “We’ve created new idols. The worship of the
golden calf of old has found a new and heartless image in the
cult of money and the dictatorship of an economy which is
faceless and lacking any truly humane goal. Today everything
comes under the law of competition and the survival of the
fittest, where the powerful feed upon the powerless.”
I got your back Pope. Over at H2ope we’re going to embrace
the law of competition and survival of the fittest and use it to
crush our greedy overlords. I think the Pope is going to help me.
I just know he will. He has to. He’s got to be in the movie.

Bernie Sanders will enjoy this book and please encourage

your army to read it, but tell them that The H2ope Corporation
is not socialism. No, H2ope is the classic definition of predatory
capitalism, minus the baggage of evil, cruelty and greed. A
massive new company emerges onto the world’s stage
precisely because it recognized and appealed to the needs of a
new consumer. I’m no different than any other capitalist
entrepreneur who’s mining a new niche, except I don’t want a
dime. This is a freebie. The Pope will like that. In fact, I believe
that whoever emerges to be the CEO of The H2ope Corporation
will become the new idol of the masses. He, or she won’t be
venerated for the $ billions they’ve amassed, (they’ll be lucky to
become a millionaire), no that person will be admired for all the
good they achieve. No more false idols.
I’ve identified two billionaires who I believe will be most
open minded to this idea. They also happen to be the two most
frugal billionaires out there. That’s a good sign. They are David
Cheriton and Warren Buffett.
David was the first investor in Google. He gave the go-ahead
for the algorithm that powers their search engine. The Google
guys went to see him, because he was their professor at
Stanford. He’s still there. David liked what he saw and without
hesitation he whipped out his cheque book and gave them
$100,000. This all happened on his front porch. The Google
guys didn’t even have a chequeing account and they needed
that money. David is now worth $6.4 billion.
David is Canadian and I know Canadians. I’m one of them.
We’re kind. We’re generous. We’re smart. I hope he agrees to
meet me, because I sense we’re going to get along. My mum
always said, ‘Never ask something of someone that you
wouldn’t gladly do for them in return.’ So David, whatever deal I
propose to you, just make sure you remember that if the roles
were reversed – I’d leap at the offer. We’re going to need a few
$ million to put together a skeleton management team, hire
lawyers, design the logo, etc. I want you to consider being my
Kickstarter.
Then Al Gore and others need to convince Warren Buffet to
read this book. He’s stated he’s going to leave most of his $87
billion to Bill Gates big charity when he passes. But Warren,
charity gets spent. We’d build a perpetual cash flow machine
with your money. And your money would be enough to release
H2ope into the world. And I don’t get, or want a dime.
For what it’s worth, among all your billionaire peers, it’s you
who I admire most. You just boil over with common sense. Your
many musings provide me with additional H2ope.
‘If you’re in the luckiest 1% of humanity, you owe it
to the rest of humanity to think about the other 99%.’
‘It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin
it. If you think about that, you'll do things differently.’
I’d like you to reconsider giving your fortune to Bill Gates. I
know you like Bill. You play Bridge together. Your gesture of
donating your fortune to Bill’s big charity is very admirable. But
could you perhaps consider this? It’ll cement your reputation.
Bill’s got enough money. He doesn’t need yours. Plus charity
gets spent, we’re building a perpetual cash flow machine. Who
cares about curing malaria? H2ope will fight Climate Change.
Combined with Warren Buffett’s fortune, Bill Gates would
have around $192 billion. Adding Warren Buffett’s vast fortune
to his own, strikes me as too much money for one guy to give
away. Over at The H2ope Corporation, the marketplace will
determine our moves. Americans love the marketplace.
And I believe Bill Gates will understand if you change your
mind. Sure he had his heart set on getting your dough and I’m
sure he had lots of great ideas on how he was going to spend it.
But were those ideas as good as this ‘Big Idea?’ Will they set off
a chain of events that’ll bring desperately needed and LASTING
CHANGE to the world? If not, then Bill why not join the H2ope
Revolution? Let Warren know you’re cool with whatever he
decides. He doesn’t want to piss you off. And you keep doing
you’re good charitable work. I‘m confident reasonable minds
will prevail.
 The British Prime Minister Harold Macmillan once remarked
when confronted with the question, ‘What causes powerful
men to change their minds?’
His response. “Events, dear boy, events.”
That’s kinda what’s happening here. Events have changed.
We gotta move with the times.
H2ope is a longing that never goes away. Help H2ope plant
its roots. Once it comes alive, it will be nurtured by that
other human emotion that also never goes away – greed.
And Warren, we’re in no rush to get your money. I hope you
live a long, happy and healthy life. We’ll get more dough from
others to get started and the BMO (Bank of Montreal) will lend
against an iron clad commitment from you. After all, my great-
great-grandfather founded that bank and BMO Harris has
branches all over the US. And your money stays in the US.

A top 50 global bank. You’re welcome world.

Now some readers will conclude, ‘Never going to happen.’
But what do you know about business? Do you have an MBA?
‘Don’t need one.’ True, but many readers of my next book A
Winnipeg Outcast are going to learn that I should’ve been a
software billionaire in my early-thirties. SONA’s marketing
strategy was brilliant and they were precisely the kinds of
marketing strategies that could only have come from someone
with an advanced business degree from a top business school.
Microsoft had no marketing strategy. Gates dropped out of
Harvard. He never took one business course. But he knew one
thing that IBM didn’t know. He knew that ‘Content was King!’
They wanted an operating system and a less opportunistic man
would’ve just sold them one, but not Gates. He negotiated a
royalty paid to him for every computer sold that was powered
by DOS, which he didn’t even write the code for. He bought it
off some bonehead. IBM got played and Bill Gates got rich.
And you’re going to read about the rise and fall of SONA in A
Winnipeg Outcast. Did Gates dodge a bullet? Because I think I
would’ve been a formidable opponent. My Boeing provided
operating system understood English. DOS didn’t.
Bill Gates entered the business arena with no business
education, but he was a great whacker. Quite a ruthless one
actually. And you know why he whacked away? Because Bill
owned the most valuable piece of real estate in the world. The
screen on your computer.

He never had to innovate. Gates brought nothing new to the

computer industry. That was Steve Jobs job. WordPerfect was
whacked and became Word. VisiCalc was whacked and became
Excel. Presenter became PowerPoint. Etc. Etc. I want to whack
away and decimate a lot of greedy capitalist companies whose
purpose on the planet has now run its course. You had no
problem letting Bill Gates whack away. So let me. However
Gates went after smart, visionary entrepreneurs. You know –
‘good guys!’ I want to whack greedy bastards who’ve been
screwing and lying to us forever. See the difference?
And remember, the only reason Boeing spent a shitload of
money writing that code was because nobody liked DOS.
Management was facing a worker revolt if they couldn’t find an
alternative and then we ended up with that code. Not bad, eh?
Apple and H2ope
We’re going to need a strategic partner. I want it to be
Apple. They invented the smartphone. My Big Idea can’t thrive
without one. We need to convince Apple to help launch The
H2ope Corporation. Think about it. What is the company? Well,
for one, it’s a technology driven entity, so we’re going to need a
lot of techy things. We’re going to need an App. We’re going to
need code to manage our CLIPs. We’re going to need Apple to
design and create what I’m calling the Apple hockey puck that
will be placed next to millions of cash registers around the
world. This round black shiny gadget with the Apple logo
prominently displayed and a little green and red flashing light
can be the device that sends all customer purchasing data and
calculates the number of weekly CLIPs they receive, to our
servers located up in northern Manitoba next to a giant
Manitoba Hydro plant. Renewable energy powering energy
intensive hot servers that can be cooled by just opening the
windows. Common sense. Fiber optic cable can be connected
from Winnipeg and run along the shallow bottom of Lake
Winnipeg to our server farm. That shouldn’t cost too much.
 No company on earth is better at building those critical
functions than Apple. They write the best code. They design the
most exquisite products. And I believe that partnering with The
H2ope Corporation will be one of the best strategic moves they
could ever make. I mean come on! Being seen as the parent
company that helps H2ope fight Climate Change is good for
business. And they’re not subject to disruption by H2ope.
Apple has gorgeous products, but you’re entering uncharted
waters. Your products still dazzle, but so do many others. I was
surprised when I saw Dell's XPS look-a-like MacBook Air for only
$799. I was under the impression that that kind of precision
craftsmanship was the domain of Apple. Apparently not.

We’ve seen this movie before. It’s called Commoditization.

The dreaded moment when Apple’s products look like
everyone else’s products. Still, Apple enjoys a bigger space and
opportunity than your wannabe competitors. You own a sought
after and proven operating system. You have content. But we
could all use a little more content, because after all – content is
king. And guess what? Being seen all over the world in a major
blockbuster movie is content. In fact, it’s big time content!
We’re changing hearts and minds here, and that’s a long
term effort. And throughout it all, Apple can be prominently
featured. Tim Cook, you can appear around the world informing
it, ‘Last quarter, H2ope’s efforts resulted in the removal of one
oil tanker from the oceans forever.’ And Tim, you once said this:
 ‘If all I’m remembered for is that I was a kind, honest
and decent man – then I shall consider my life a success.’
Tim, you can use our cartoonish H2ope logo whenever you
want. It will be designed to appeal to both kids and adults. I can
just see it scampering around the big Apple logo, like a
mischievous child feeding off of Apple’s parental love and
guidance. Steve Jobs founded Pixar. Who better to make those
great advertisements?

Apple and H2ope

Tim, you’ve wanted to do the right thing. I’ve seen you try.
Product Red. But Product Red had no CLIPs. Patrons weren’t
given any greed (incentive) to buy those products. Nobody even
knew where the charity was going. This is different and Matt
Damon can be frequently seen in the movie periodically
checking on the progress of the hockey puck and pushing the
geeks to find those pesky bugs. Steve Jobs would’ve loved to
have been given this opportunity and we would love to partner
with the worlds most admired and cash rich company. Al Gore
is on Apple’s Board of Directors. He’ll be screaming, ‘Let’s do
this. Let’s fight Climate Change! It’s good for our business.’
Warren Buffett is loading up on Apple shares. He owns 240
million of them. ($57 billion worth. It’s his biggest holding.) If he
agrees to get involved those shares should soar. When we
announce Warren has agreed to participate and that his pledge
is worth maybe $80 billion, money will flow out of disrupted
companies like 3M and look for a safe haven. Apple might just
become a better investment. Their involvement will be shown
in a major movie. And Warren’s Apple stake will rise. Win/win.
BTW, 3M’s consumer product division posted $4.5 billion of
sales and an operating margin of 19.5%. I want that action.
 And Warren, you helped Burger King finance their purchase
of Canada’s Tim Hortons. You must have a financial stake in
their success.

It’s been two years since the deal was signed and Tim
Hortons' geographic profile outside of North America hasn't
meaningfully changed, even though bringing their coffee shops
to other countries was a major goal. Progress on this has been
slow, in part because Tim Hortons is less recognizable than
Starbucks. And getting that challenging global exposure doesn’t
come cheap. But maybe it does. Timmy’s will be all over this
movie and is everywhere in my books. Soon the whole world
will know Tim Hortons. You just can’t buy that kind of exposure.
And Timmy’s doesn’t compete with Starbucks. They have to sell
expensive coffee to cover the cost of all the world’s
unemployed spending as little money as possible in their high
priced locations. At Tim’s, the customer goes past the cash
register faster than shit through a goose and they can get free
H2ope CLIPs. Trump’s stupid trade war with China means
Starbuck’s 2,000 stores over there will all be boycotted. But
they’ll never boycott Timmy’s. H2ope’s buying all their solar
panels and cleaning up their air. Coffee’s more profitable than
Heinz ketchup. (He owns it. It’s been a poor investment.)
 The Movie
Jeff Skoll is doubling down. He just hired David Linde the
former CEO of Universal Pictures. David green-lighted the
production of The English Patient, Brokeback Mountain and
Pulp Fiction. This guy knows a good story when he sees one.
The movie doesn’t have to be true, just ‘Based on a True Story.’
The backstory in A Winnipeg Outcast is entertaining and
visually stunning. Each time we came close to success, the plan
unraveled and our worlds came crashing down. And there were
many instances. The script will be spoiled for choice as to which
ones we use. But when I finally do make my breakthrough, the
story will ignite. The audience will be in the grip of this most
improbable true story.
In the movie Clooney, Damon and Jack Black can make the
pitches to the billionaires. Star power sells. As these mega
movie stars start collecting pledges from the all the good guy
billionaires who might later also want to get involved, those
scenes alone will be worth the price of admission.
And we’ve got another great scene the audience will love. In
Rome, when Justin Trudeau and our heroes go visit the Pope.
As they’re entering the Vatican,
Matt Damon asks, ‘Hey Brad, are you Catholic?’
‘I am today.’ replies a grinning Jack Black.
Justin adds, ‘I’m Catholic and I’ve already met this guy.’
Justin could’ve used those outtakes in his recent election and
likely won another landslide. I tried to reach him for four years.
Shame actually, because now his power has been diminished.
And you’ll learn in A Winnipeg Outcast that I met his dad. It
was an amusing and ugly encounter. There’s even a photo.
Anyway much later, when the whole world tunes in to watch
the Academy Awards, I can just see the Pope pull up to the red
carpet in the Pope-mobile dressed in his new Armani designed
robes, periodically stopping to bless someone in the screaming
crowd. Some of the movie stars will be angry. He’s going to
steal the limelight. And I wouldn’t want to be the guy sitting
behind him, because I’d like it if the Pope wore his big hat.
Wouldn’t it be great if this special edition of the Academy
Awards was sponsored solely by Tim Hortons, Google, Apple,
Tesla and The H2ope Corporation? The prior companies may all
be prominently featured in the movie and their ads can remind
the viewers that their respective companies care. It’s good for
business. Money won’t be a problem. Super Bowl ads are more
anticipated than the game. These inspirational corporate
messaging ads can tug on the viewer’s heartstrings. They’ll go
viral. We on the other hand, can keep hammering away in our
spots that H2ope is coming. Those commercials will be funny,
because Jack Black will be all over them. It’ll be a little
embarrassing if the movie doesn’t win one award, but I think
that’s unlikely. At the very least, Jack Black should finally get his
Oscar for either Best Supporting Actor, or Best Actor in a
Commercial Shown During the Academy Awards.

Jack will dive headfirst into an empty pool to star in this comedy.
Back to the movie. Warren Buffet, can you imagine the scene
when Clooney, Damon and Jack Black make a surprise visit to
your small house in Omaha, Nebraska? I can see George
Clooney looking over your hedge.

‘He’s home all right.

He’s eating popcorn and watching TV.’
Clooney bangs on the door. You invite them in. Everyone in
the theatre is on the edge of their seats to learn the outcome of
this encounter. After some small chit chat, the old boy learns
you’ve got heart concerns. Clooney gives you excellent advice.
What will happen? Don’t know. But I know this. One decision
leads to a prominent seat at the Academy Awards and I’ll make
sure you’re seated between Justin Trudeau and the Pope. And
The Big Idea will win Best Picture. (Hey! Rocky won it and
Stallone’s a dreadful actor. I’m a broke nobody battling
incredible odds who ends up raising in the next four years over
say, $150 billion and changes the world. And it’s all true. There
never even was a Rocky.) That televised event will bring tears to
the eyes of every viewer watching this, the largest global
audience the Academy Awards has ever enjoyed. Al Gore, Jeff
Skoll, David Linde, and Justin Trudeau will be ecstatic. Oliver
Stone’d will be in the movie. He’ll be at the Academy Awards.
He’ll be firing up a H2ope dope joint. He just can’t resist.
You know, I don’t think the movie’s title should be The Big
Idea. That’s boring. How about H2ope, Dope and the Pope?
That’s funny. And the movie should be a comedy.
The Numbers
I was never going to be able to get a handle on those. Head
& Shoulders has been making money for decades. H2ope Flake
Free shampoo will as well. If we’ve got commitments for $140
billion let’s spend some of it test marketing products. We can
always return the unspent money to Warren Buffett and any
other good guy billionaire donors if my idea’s a dud. But I’m an
optimist. When you pay $3 in Canada for a package of Lay’s
potato chips and you only get a handful of chips, you just know
there’s money to be made. How can we not make money,
especially when you consider we’ll never have to advertise?
Everyone will know what the upcoming weekly jackpot will be.
And when we introduce a new product we’ll just send a
notice to all our customers via our H2ope App and accompany it
with a free coupon that never expires, because the Apple
hockey puck never forgets. Sampling is the best form of
marketing. Then we’ll never advertise that product again.
Everyone will already know about it, most will have already
tried it, and if they like it, many will keep buying it.
The Water Volcano
Developing the water volcano is the least I can do for the
Natives that live near that volcano. I know those guys. They’re
funny and they need the jobs. Plus it’s a short commute.
We’re going to want to sell H2ope Water in all the countries
we operate in, but shipping bottled water around the world
should be illegal. However shipping by rail is the least carbon
intensive form of transport and we’re only 40 km away from
two continental spanning railway lines. We can probably ship
our volcano water throughout North America with minimal
pollution. As long as we generate substantially more funds to
combat global warming than we use burning hydrocarbons to
deliver our volcano water, then there’s an argument to be
made to do just that. And we can raise the price of our water
the further away we ship it from the water volcano.
After the movie, a lot of people in North America are going
to want to drink our volcano water. As we introduce H2ope
Water to more distant offshore markets we can buy quality
local water sources on the cheap, because they can’t compete
with H2ope Water. They don’t have CLIPs to entice their
customers with and they won’t help save the planet. (Some
companies like Pepsi are such dicks they’ve been selling us tap
water Aquafina for decades! They lied. Again!) We should be
able to buy the best water source in every region of the world.
Either sell to us cheap, or get crushed by us. Your choice.
Now this large bottling plant can produce more than just
bottled water. Let’s whack Gatorade. Pepsi spent $127 million
in 2015 on marketing Gatorade in the US. (Can you imagine
what they spend globally?) H2ope Thirst Quencher can hire kids
to hand out small pamphlets at US sporting events.

H2ope Thirst Quencher

Made with Jackpot this week Profits go to fight
Volcano water. $72 million. global warming.
Why on earth would you buy Gatorade?
It’s loaded with sugar and makes you fat.

I always thought NFL players were guzzling Gatorade on the

sidelines, until I saw one of them pour a bucket of the stuff all
over some guy’s head. It’s water inside those Gatorade bottles.
They lied.

Lying greedy bastards.

And when Pepsi’s Board reads this book they’ll hold a crisis
meeting. But what can they do? Increase marketing? That’s a
death spiral. They may be looking at write-offs for Aquafina,
Gatorade and Lays, because we’re definitely going to be
offering a line of H2ope Potato Chips. Bye-bye Lays. Off to the
product graveyard you go. We’ll never enter the cola wars.
Those drinks are rapidly losing global market share to healthier
beverages and aren’t good for you anyway.
Concerts for H2ope
We can never stop raising money. So during the summer after
the movie has been released and the Academy Awards are
over, we’ll host a weekend Concerts for H2ope at say, Toronto’s
60,000 concert capacity Skydome and a similar event going on
over at Detroit’s 80,000 concert capacity Ford Stadium.
Whichever TV network bids the most for the broadcast,
(which we’d pocket) can switch back and forth to allow for
stage set changes. All the world’s big name acts should agree to
attend. They all sing about changing the world. They’ll look like
hypocrites if they don’t come. Jack Black can be one of the
Masters of Ceremonies and his band Tenacious D can perform a
set. He’ll have fun.

Remember the Asian tsunami where countries were literally

competing to see who could donate the most money? I think
we have the makings of another global outpouring of
generosity. If Warren Buffett agrees to leave his fortune to The
H2ope Corporation it will inspire other good guy billionaires to
donate as well and that will be huge breaking news. Then later
much of the world will have already seen the movie, because
after the theatrical release it will be constantly playing on TV. If
the movie wins Best Picture, people will figure out that the
arrival of The H2ope Corporation is an event that has never
occurred in mankind’s history. We must make hay while the sun
shines. I think our concerts can blast past Band Aid’s take of
$150 million, which was all spent long ago.
Now I think there’s going to be a lot more billionaires who
will want to make a donation than just David Cheriton and
Warren Buffett. The problem is there may not be enough time
in the movie to enable the world to see their philanthropy.
However a shout-out at the concerts is as equally satisfying,
and periodic announcements of another say, $4 billion pledge
by another good guy billionaire, will get the crowds riled up. I’m
also hoping regular folks from all over the world will join in. Go
to our App, enter a dollar amount and push a button. Even if it’s
only for a couple of bucks, it all adds up. If we get Warren’s big
donation, let’s see if all of us, including more good guy
billionaires can’t bump that.
So just imagine everybody, if Warren jumps in we’d have
access to say, $85 billion! (His Apple stake will immediately
jump after his announcement. Win/win.) With that amount of
money I think H2ope can begin to decimate the vast consumer
‘Staple Goods Industry,’ which is one of the largest sectors of
the world’s economy. All the profits from this huge sector will
eventually be diverted from the current greedy capitalists and
used first to fight Climate Change, and once we have that under
control, then H2ope can make the world a better place. The
Society for the Prevention of Cruelty against Animals will never
have to appeal for money on TV again. Just come to us.
You see, we all know something’s wrong. We’ve known it for
a long time. We’re all complicit. Yet we do nothing. Exposing
wrongs (Edward Snowden) is not the same as righting them.
Governments are not moved by shame. Actually changing
things with your behaviour, now that’s the hard part. But the
good news is that only a few responsive dominoes need to fall
and then this deal is done.
And the only unknown is whether Warren Buffet will get
involved, because if he does other dominoes will topple like a
house of cards. Hollywood will produce a global blockbuster
goliath. I mean come on! We gotta pretty good true story going
on. The Academy Awards will fall into line. Toronto and Detroit
can simultaneously host the greatest and most spectacular
weekend of nonstop musical entertainment the likes of which
the world has never seen. The planet could go berserk. We
might see the largest outpouring of generosity the world has
ever known. And with the money banked, then all that remains
is for everybody to start buying H2ope products. Because if we
do, then the bible was right.
The meek shall inherit the earth.
Is that too much to ask for?

You’re wondering, how I got from a rare pristine water

spewing volcano discovered in Canada 28 years ago, to that ‘Big
Idea?’ Trust me, it didn’t happen overnight. No, I was forced to
navigate a long and fruitless journey, full of dead ends and
horrible people constantly stabbing me in the back. I wouldn’t
wish it on my worst enemy. But I had an advantage. I NEVER
QUIT! Plus I’m prepared to work for free and I’m willing to play
the long game. Those qualities don’t come along very often,
and they may be the very abilities that allow me to change the
world. Forever and for the better.
And remember, my Big Idea needs to have a blockbuster
Hollywood movie powering itself around the world alerting
everyone that H2ope really is coming to a cruel world. And
movies need backstories and I think we’ve got a good one. So
get my next book A Winnipeg Outcast and start reading.
 Now keep in mind, that the Big Idea was intended for Justin
Trudeau, Tim Cook, Jeff Skoll, George Clooney, Jane Fonda, Al
Gore, etc. I had to be polite. You know, tone things down. A
little humour, some profanity, but that’s all. Not anymore. Now
I can write whatever I bloody well want. So please, don’t quit
reading yet. I beg you to read the following ‘Big Vision.’ There’s
no harness holding back that prose and it’s a hoot.
The Big Vision is my imaginings of what will happen if
Warren Buffett gets involved. And I think he will. My next book
A Winnipeg Outcast offers compelling arguments for him to do
just that. So I wanted the reader to understand that the Big
Idea is only one third of my thinking.
The Big Vision imagines all of the H2ope that will sweep
across the world once this comes together. And it wasn’t just
the arrival of The H2ope Corporation. That was going to take
time. We needed to fight Climate Change right away. So there’s
more to my thinking than just the Big Idea. It’s a good read. It
took me over nine months to write. Some will argue, ‘I’ve gone
too far.’ Some will say, ‘I’ve lost my mind.’ Some might say,
‘Right on, my brother!’, because that’s what Cornel West will
say, because Cornel West once said this;

Well my brother, H2ope might arrive. And like you, I’ll tell the
truth. The dark truth. Because if we don’t look after each other,
who will?
 Most readers will enjoy reading ‘The Big Vision.’ Cornel West
certainly will. I think you will too. You can always cry at the end
of the book, because ‘The Big Vision’ may never happen. I may
never get this book to Justin Trudeau, Jane Fonda, or Al Gore.
And if so, we just lost our wonderful blue planet to stupidity.
Are you surprised? There’s an idiot in the White House. Who
put him there? Stupid people. That’s who. I rest my case.

But there’s still H2ope. There’s always H2ope. Now the world
just needs to persuade Warren Buffet to change his mind and
not give his fortune to Bill Gates when he passes, but to instead
give it to The H2ope Corporation. Early readers think he will.
“What is the most resilient parasite on earth? Bacteria? A virus?
An intestinal worm? No, it’s an idea. Resilient. Highly
contagious. Once an idea has taken hold in the brain, it’s almost
impossible to eradicate. An idea that is fully formed. Fully
understood. Now that sticks.”
- Leonardo DiCaprio
(Was he referring to The Big Idea?)
Hollywood is the perfect vehicle to spread that fully formed idea.
 Al Gore and Jane Fonda want to know about this idea.
They’re the two most high profile Climate Change activists in
the world. Einstein said the definition of insanity is doing the
same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

Jane stood in front of one of

these to stop this insanity.
Jane plans to get arrested every Friday in an attempt to raise
awareness for Climate Change. Time gave its Person of the
Year award to this sixteen year old Climate Change activist. She
attended government meetings and shouted at leaders to do
something. Great. Governments are never the solution.

What you’ve just read is only the tip of my thinking. People

are busy. I had to edit like crazy. I present more compelling
arguments in other books. This is the perfect win/win deal and
it all comes down to what Warren Buffett will do. He’ll be
encouraged to read everything. We can sell him. After all, we’re
only making simple products. And we never need to advertise.
 ‘Yes I do Jack.
And I’ll be buck naked right behind you.’

Hmm. That Big Idea has got me thinking.

Free weekly CLIPs with US$1 million jackpots.
All profits go to fight Climate Change.
One day, maybe a third of greedy capitalism gone forever.
H2ope is good. I like it.
The Big Vision
“Vision is the art of seeing
what’s invisible to others.”
- Jonathan Swift
(Gulliver’s Travels.)

I can see the future.

Because I’m creating it.
 The H2ope Corporation can never stop raising money and we
will be finally free from the tyranny of Wall Street. That Beast of
Greed is powerless to stop us.

When you’re looking to raise money, you look to one thing.

Rock Concerts! Band Aid started it all, but it was flawed from
the get-go. First, the charity it supported, ‘We’re raising money
for the poor in Africa!’ was ill advised. Bono, nobody cares
about the poor in Africa. I know. I’m poor in Asia and nobody
cares about me. But Climate Change. Whoa! Now that’s a big
cause, because it affects us all. Even the greedy bastards.

The Concerts for H2ope in Toronto and Detroit will be the

most anticipated event of the century. The movie will have
been watched by many and I think it will win Best Picture. A
true story Rocky. David Linde’s reputation is on the line. And
he’ll do just fine. He’s bagged three Best Picture’s already.
I think I might go to the concerts. They’re at least four years
away. People will find me. I want to learn how to play the
saxophone. Maybe Pink Floyd will let me play the damn thing
when they perform their great song, ‘Money.’

And I’ll have plenty of time to learn that instrument. For the
next three years I’m going to be constantly traveling the world,
hitting on billionaires. It’s fun. Whenever possible, I’ll bring
along someone who I’m calling my ‘bumper.’ These various
celebrities can help me raise money. Star power sells.
Some billionaire who’s worth $47 billion might say, “I love it
Murph! I’m in. I’ll give you a $100 million.”
What am I going to say? ‘You cheap greedy bastard!’ No,
that’s where the ‘bumper’ comes in. That celebrity can say,
“Wow, that’s very generous of you, but we were kinda hoping
you’d consider donating a little more. So and so is worth $35
billion and he’s agreed to chip in $3.5 billion.”
I’ll quickly add, “That’s true.”
Shame the buggers.
These concerts are going to be entertaining. Not interested
in having band after band come out onstage. That’s been done.
And I don’t want some cheesy, ‘We are the World.’ theme song.
We already have a theme. We’re bringing H2ope to a cruel
world. Our concerts are going to be sprinkled with Tinker Bell’s
magical fairy dust. These concerts are a time for the world to
rejoice.

So my friends, start your imaginations. Enjoy ‘The Big Vision.’

Because this is happening. We’re going to make it happen. But
we can’t make it happen without you.
We begin in Toronto. Canada’s Guy Laliberté is a great guy.
He’s the Cirque du Soleil visionary and he’s worth $1.4 billion. I
met him in his Las Vegas office. He was wearing his Tinker Bell
tights, and he literally back flipped around and leapt at my offer
to get the ball rolling at Skydome with his angel acrobats flying
about and Guy Laliberté agreed to chip in some dough.

I also went to visit Steve Forbes. He’s worth $430 million.

He’s a good guy. He chipped in and I gave him the exclusive
rights to publish the ‘H2ope List of Donors.’ That growing list of
good guy billionaire H2ope donors will boost Forbes readership.
He knew that. He knew I’d offered him the coveted win/win.
Praise the good ones and shame the buggers.
The Republicans pursue the win/lose game. It’s a pillar of the
Republican’s ‘Big Plan.’ But win/lose strategies are a thing of
the past. The millennials must apply greater imagination to
their future endeavors. Once you enter into agreements where
both parties win, all obstacles just fall away. Michael Cohen
thought Trump had his back. I thought my SONA partner had
mine. But those guys were measuring our backs, looking for just
the right spot to thrust their knives. We don’t want to do that
anymore.
Now the world has been sent to Detroit. The loudspeaker
announces, “Everyone, please welcome, Van Morrison.”
Van appears and tells the audience he would like to sing this
great song about this great man:
‘Rave on John Donne, rave on thy holy warrior.
Rave on, down through the industrial revolution.
Empiricism, the atomic and the nuclear age.
Rave on down through the Holy Rosy Cross.
Rave on down through theosophy, and the Golden Dawn.
Rave on through the writing of a vision.
Rave on words on printed page.’
Then he stops singing. His musicians aren’t sure why. One by
one they silence. “Does anyone here know who John Donne
was?” asks Van.
From the silence the world gathers they don’t.
“He was a poet, who wrote a great poem. Some may know
it. Some may not. I won’t recite all of it. I’ll just recite this.”
‘No man is an island, entire of itself.
Every man is a piece of the continent.
A part of the main.
 If a clod be washed away by the sea.
Europe is the less.
I’m involved in mankind.
Therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls.
It tolls for thee.’
“Eat that, Donald Trump. And just so you know, my family
has decided to make a big donation to The H2ope Corporation.
We’re wealthy. We’ve all been waiting for an event like this to
occur. I can’t believe it’s happening during my lifetime. You see,
I want H2ope in the world. So we must all contribute, otherwise
history will judge us harshly for not seizing this opportunity.”
Then Van storms off and Detroit roars their approval.

The Canadian David Thomson, ($41 billion) is best buds with

one of my fraternity brothers. That guy’s family owns The
Winnipeg Jets and David is a silent partner. He made a big
donation. He’s a good guy. He told me he liked Winnipeg.
 I think the Jets are going to win the Stanley Cup maybe next
year. Many of my books should be out by then. And Winnipeg is
prominently featured in them. We’ll no longer be the butt of all
Canadian jokes. ‘Stubble jumpers.’ I’ll call my buddy, the owner
of the Jets. I’ll ask him to put the H2ope logo on their jerseys.
You’re not going to believe this. Winnipeg is kinda like, the
cradle of hockey! But the greedy NHL doesn’t care. They
wouldn’t give us a team. So a rich guy named Bennie calls up
Chicago Blackhawk’s Bobby Hull and offers him $1 million to
come play for Winnipeg in the new WHA league that’s being
formed. Bobby’s getting paid $10,000 per year. So he agrees.

Bennie sends the Jets scout to Europe and tells him to go

find some great players. He returns screaming, ‘Gold!’ He
almost signed Putin, but he was busy and the Jets became the
best hockey team ever. Elton John is so impressed he releases;
‘Say, have you seen them yet?
Uh, but they're so spaced out,
B-B-B-Bennie and the Jets.
Oh, they're just great and wonderful.
You know, I read it in a magazine.
B-B-B-Bennie and the Jets.
Hey kids, ya gotta watch the Jets!
You’ll have absolutely no regrets.
Bennie, Bennie, Bennie, Bennie and the Jets.’
 Then Derek Sanderson gets a call and he’s offered $1 million.
Now the greedy bastard NHL owners are really angry. First
Bobby Hull. Then Elton John. Now Derek Sanderson.

Then Hollywood makes a movie about Derek Sanderson, the

butt smoking WHA Canadian hockey dude. The NHL is furious.
They were paying Derek $5 per goal. No choice, the NHL must
merge with the WHA.
Winnipeg fans rejoice. Finally. But wait! There’s a condition.
Existing NHL teams get to pick off all of Winnipeg’s best players.
Once that’s done, the team is shit. Now the NHL can’t have this
embarrassment in a hockey mad city, so Winnipeg is moved to
Phoenix where no one will watch them. It’s so hot in the arena
that small white caps form as the players try to skate through
this shallow lake posing as a hockey rink. It’s a complete
disaster. So the embarrassing Jets are moved to Tahiti, but that
country quickly runs out of hockey pucks. So, it’s off to the
Middle East. The gals there love the Jets, but they can’t drive to
the games. So once again the Jets are on the move. Now
there’re toiling away in the Congo. Nobody cares.
Then my fraternity brother calls David Thomson, and asks,
‘Hey David, do you want to go halfers and bring the Jets back to
Winnipeg from the Congo?’
David replies, ‘Sure. Why not?’
 David is sitting at number 25 on the heroic Forbes List.
Well, now the greedy NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman,
who’s been the fool and cause behind all of this misery thinks,
‘Okay, now we’re talking.’ And the Jets return to Winnipeg.
But the players are all dying of skin cancer and jet lag, so it’s
a complete rebuild. It takes eight years, but we’re almost at the
top. Where we belong. And maybe it’ll take one more year and
we’ll finally win the Stanley Cup.
Winnipeg, you’re all reading this book. Win the Stanley Cup
next year. You only lost last year because the St. Louis goalie
was stopping more shots than a Mormon at an Irish wake. And
when Bettman slip-slides to centre ice to hand us the trophy:

It’s a joke Winnipeg.

Kenora actually won the thing years ago. It’s true. Anyone
surprised? We’re the cradle of hockey! You’ll soon learn when
you read my next book A Winnipeg Outcast. I hope you do. It’s
very informative and quite amusing. I know you’ll enjoy it.
There are 1,097 gorgeous and drop dead funny photos.
In the movie when the actors make their pitch to Warren
Buffett and any other good guy billionaires, those brief scenes
will all end with the Canadian Howie Mandel walking into the
room, dressed in various goofball Canadian stereotypical garb,
like wearing a Mountie hat, or ankle wobbling in wearing white
figure skates, or dressed in a lumberjack outfit and scream:
 In Toronto, Canada’s Arcade Fire, the 2011 Grammy winner
for ‘Album of the Year,’ are ready to rock. So let’s let 'em.
‘We know that we're young.
Yet they walk in the room.
And stare right through us.
Talking like.
We don't exist.
Daddy it's true.
I'm different from you.
But tell me why they treat me like this?
Tell 'em all’s fine.
Stare if you like.
But just let us through.
Daddy is fine.
I'm used to 'em now.
But tell me why they treat me like this?
Is it because we do it like this.
(The tempo increases. The audience is head banging.)
Get down on your knees.
Begging us please.
Praying that we don't exist.
But we exist!’
 The Pope has appeared and with some magical device he
moonwalks amongst the band, while the Jumbotron flashes:
“Who am I to judge?”
After that terrific song ends, the global audience watch as
Toronto’s gays kiss and topless girls embrace. It’s a sight the
planet thought they’d never see. The Toronto crowd roars its
approval. Free at last! Thank God almighty, everyone is mostly
free at last. Thailand’s been free since as long as I’ve been
coming. Canada’s steaming along. The Dutch, Uruguay, Brazil,
Malta, they’re all free. But where’s Russia? Where’s China? The
US? Why won’t you let all your citizens fall in love?
The Rogers’ family of Canada have $12 billion. Ted Rogers
passed away, but during his hectic life he established Rogers
Communication. He bought 80% of the Toronto Blue Jays, and
he bought the Skydome. I think this great family will contribute
to The H2ope Corporation.
Or will whack ‘em.
You see, Canadians pay the most in the world for internet
and wifi service. Yet data moves across our country at the
speed of light. They’re not being charged the most, because the
country’s big. I smell a rip-off.
 And Ted got a great deal when he bought the Skydome. He
scooped that up for $25 million. The good, (and stupid) citizens
of Toronto paid $550 million for that architectural wonder. I
don’t know all the details, but that looks like a pretty good deal
to me. I smell a rip-off.

So I think the Rogers’ family will understand it’s time to give

a little something back. Otherwise, we’ll make their competitor
‘Fido,’ an offer they can’t refuse. ‘H2ope Dildo Wifi.’ Just like
when ‘H2ope’s Clip Clop’ hit the market. ‘Kit Kat’ knew then,
that that was the sound of being trampled. Canadians will love
‘H2ope Dildo Wifi.’ Especially the gals. They gab on those things
all day long. Plus don’t forget, ‘Dildo’ customers will be getting
free H2ope CLIPs and all the profits will go to fight Climate
Change. The Rogers’ family will understand. It’s not personal.
It’s business.
And if they refuse to lend us Skydome for the Toronto
Concert for H2ope, I think the good, (and now no longer stupid)
citizens of Toronto will hit the streets. They want the world to
come into their city, so that H2ope can go out into theirs.
Then in Toronto, (because we got the Skydome) “Everybody
get ready to dance. Give it up for the one and only. The Boss!”
‘I get up in the morning.
And I still ain’t making any headway.
 I come home in the evening.
I go to bed feeling the same way.
I ain't nothing but tired.
Man, I'm just tired and bored with myself.
Hey there Al Gore, I could use just a little help.’

‘You can't start a fire.

You can't start a fire without a spark.
This gun's for hire.
Even if we're just dancing in the dark.’

‘Message keeps getting clearer.

Climate Change is going to wipe out the human race.
I check my look in the mirror.
I wanna change my clothes, my hair, my face.
Man, I ain't getting nowhere.
I'm just living in a dump like this.
There's H2ope happening somewhere.
 Baby I just know that there is.
You can't start a fire.
You can't start a fire without a spark.
This gun's for hire.
Even if we're just dancing in the dark.’

That’s me in blackface. That’s me being bad.

‘You sit around getting older.
My idea has stalled and it’s getting to me.
I'll shake this defeat off my shoulders.
This world’s so polluted I can’t even swim in the Andaman Sea.’

‘Stay on the streets of this town

and they'll be carving you up alright.
They say you gotta stay hungry.
Hey Justin Trudeau, I'm just about starving tonight!
I'm dying for some action.
I'm sick of sitting 'round here writing this book.
I need a little reaction.
Come on Jane Fonda, don’t let the planet get cooked.
 You can't start a fire waiting for the revolution to start.
This gun's for hire.
Even if we're just dancing in the dark. You can't start a fire.
Worrying about this planet falling apart.
This gun's for hire.
Even if we're just dancing in the dark. Hey baby!

I keep playing the sax and the world keeps dancing.

Frenzied fingered pianist are fun to listen to. So in Detroit,

Bruce Hornsby comes onstage.
‘Standin' in line, marking time.
Waiting for the welfare dime.
'Cause they can't buy a job.
The man in the silk suit hurries by.
As he catches the poor old lady's eyes.
Just for fun he says, 'Get a job.'
 That's just the way it is.
Some things'll never change.
That's just the way it is.
Ha, but don't you believe them.
'Hey little boy you can't go where the others go,
cause you don't look like they do.'
'Hey, old man how can you stand to think that way?
Did you really think about it, before you made the rules? '
He said, 'Son, that's just the way it is.
Some things'll never change.
That's just the way it is.'
Ha, but don't you believe them.
Well, they passed a law in '64,
to give those who ain't got, a little more.
But it only goes so far.
'Cause the law don't change another's mind.
When all it sees at hiring time is the line on the colour bar.’

‘It’s a cruel world!’ But not at H2ope. Everyone is welcome.

Just tell us what you’re good at. We’ll create a job just for you.
We’ll have $ billions. And if you have no skills, be a gate guard.
Good guy billionaires, sports stars, movie stars, musicians
and everyday regular people need to chip in. Especially retiring
wealthy boomers. We destroyed the planet. We worshipped
greed. We’re a grim generation. Now’s our time to step up.
Many of the artists who’ll play at the concerts will be the great
rock and roll bands of the past. You know, the one’s that
actually learned how to play an instrument. Bob Seger singing,
‘Shakedown’ in Detroit. Neil Young singing, ‘Southern Man’ in
Toronto. Both were born in those cities. Boomers love that
music. I think the millennials will too. Boomer dough better
start flowing in, or we’ll shame the boomer bastards.
No country music though. They let the NRA slaughter their
fans and said nothing. Cowards. Dixie Chicks were blacklisted,
protesting Dubya’s stupid war. Sarah Suckme Sanders dad, (you
know, the family values guy) sang, ‘Cat Scratch Fever’ with Ted
Nugent, (the target rich NRA guy.) I think it’s about Gonorrhea.
‘I make the pussy purr with the stroke of my hand.
They know they’re getting it from me.
I give 'em cat scratch fever.’

Mike Huckabee, Jesus would be proud. Sarah ‘Mooch’ Huckabee.

It’s an assault on family values. And they won’t like it when
Neil Young sings ‘Southern Man.’ Lynyrd Skynyrd didn’t. He
wrote in his revenge song, ‘Sweet Home Alabama’, you know,
the state that almost elected a Trump supported pedophile:
‘Well I heard Neil Young sing about her.
Well I heard ole Neil put her down.
Well, I hope Neil Young will remember.
A southern man don't need him anyhow.’
I think you do.
 The Canadian Bruce Cockburn, (pronounced Coburn) is a
compassionate humanitarian. He’s got to come out onstage in
Toronto and sing this great song:
‘Here comes the helicopter, second time today.
Everybody scatters and hopes it goes away.
How many kids they've murdered, only God can say.
If I had a rocket launcher, I'd make somebody pay.
I don't believe in guarded borders and I don't believe in hate.
I don't believe in generals or their stinking torture states.
And when I talk with the survivors,
of things too sickening to relate.
If I had a rocket launcher, I would retaliate.
On the Rio Lacantun, one hundred thousand wait.
To fall down from starvation, or some less humane fate.
Cry for Guatemala, with a corpse in every gate.
If I had a rocket launcher, I would not hesitate.
I want to raise every voice, at least I've got to try.
Every time I think about it, water rises to my eyes.
Situation desperate, echoes of the victims cry.
If I had a rocket launcher, some son of a bitch would die.’
 As the song builds, a legless child is wheeled out in a rickety
wheelchair. He’s armed with a rocket launcher. When Bruce
has finished singing that rousing call to action, this little legless
warrior in his rickety wheelchair with brakes firmly applied,
starts launching rockets towards the Jumbotron where photos
of real life monsters like Attila the Hun, Vlad the Impaler, Idi
Amin, Genghis Khan, Jean Bokassa, (The Butcher of Bangui)
Robert Mugabe, Wayne LaPierre (the NRA villain), Gina Haspel,
Wilbur Ross, Jared Kushner, (complete swamp creatures!) will
all have their heads magically explode, each one followed by
bits of simulated brain flying from behind the Jumbotron.
Here’s an idea.
Trump told Angela Merkel that Putin had her over a barrel.
She must have burst out laughing. (Don’t quit now Angela.
H2ope is coming. We need you more than ever.) But he’s got a
point. Germany relies too much on Russian oil. So get off of it.
Angela, why not appear at Toronto’s Concert for H2ope and
announce that the German taxpayer is going to donate to The
H2ope Corporation say, $40 billion? Germany’s net government
debt as a percentage of GDP is okay. It’s only 45%. Tell Germans
the money stays in Germany, but not in the Deutsche Bank.
They’ll just give it to Trump. (Reader, stay informed. That bank’s
Moscow branch did that. No other bank would lend Trump
money. He doesn’t pay them back.)
H2ope can build a few manufacturing plants in Germany and
hire loads of your many Syrian refugees. And remember, we’re
never going to disrupt Mercedes Benz, Siemens, or all your
other great manufacturing giants. Angela, your huge great core
German corporate goliaths are safe. We’re going after products
made from Mother Nature. But we can’t build too many H2ope
plants in Germany. Other countries will also want them. We
have to spread 'em around. Winnipeg gets a big potato chip
factory. Maybe rural France will also get one, with another
somewhere in China where tasty potatoes grow. Bye-bye Lays.
With that $40 billion donation, Germans will realize you
could never spend that producing products like locally made
sauerkraut, or a range of Oil of Olay disrupted skin care
products. That’s a huge business, owned by Procter & Gamble
(P&G), but it’s soon to be German. ‘H2ope’s Oil of Olé!’ I’ll ask
Neymar if he’d endorse those products for free. He speaks
Portuguese. Every time he scores, the crowd will scream - Olé!
Then they’ll instantly connect that great goal, with the image of
Germans ‘face pounding’ P&G. The coveted double dip.
Hey, P&G! Chill. Your mums must have told you, ‘Nothing
good lasts forever.’ You’ve had a good run. Shit happens. Deal
with it. But if I were you, I’d be looking around to buy some
never-to-be-disrupted companies. You know, the ones where
top management have to use their noggins. But move quickly. I
suspect those companies will be in high demand. And don’t
make the same mistake the music industry made. They tried to
fight off Napster. This high tech start-up was their disrupter
nightmare. The record labels spent all their money trying to
stop 80 million MP3 downloads from escaping. They should
have paid out a liquidating dividend to shareholders.
P&G, you’ve read Sun Tzu’s ‘The Art of War.’ The takeaway
from that brief book was, ‘The best war you’ll ever win, is the
one you never had to fight. The war was already won before
the fighting broke out.’ We’ve got that coveted scorched earth
advantage. You can’t win. This war is already over. We hit you
with a surprise attack. Sun Tzu is thrilled. He had no idea that a
war could be fought over mobile phones. How could he? He
was thinking back in the day, when catapults and boiling oil
were all in vogue.
 Sun Tzu was one smart dude.
Here’s just one example of how we’ve won this war. Take
The National Enquirer. They’re greedy, ruthless, propagandist,
capitalist bastards. We don’t want ‘em around anymore. So say
when our delivery guys are re-stocking a 7-Eleven, one of the
guys spots a rack of this vile tabloid for sale. Well, that delivery
guy will instantly march right over to the Apple hockey puck and
turn it off. Customers with baskets full of H2ope products are
just ringing up their purchases, when suddenly they’re denied
their CLIPs. The jackpot is $71 million. They’re furious. The 7-
Eleven counter staff has no choice, but to let our delivery guys
haul away all The National Enquirer tabloids and only then will
we turn the hockey puck back on. Shouldn’t take more than five
minutes.
And we’ll replace them with H2ope Fake News, our own silly
tabloid that contains stories like, Donald Trump Jr. is asked,
‘How’s jail?’ He replies, ‘It’s a pain in the ass.’ And shit like,
‘Caravan of US Evangelists heading towards Canada’s border!’
Canada’s frantically building cages so we can kill all of the
freezing Evangelist’s toddlers arriving with their frostbitten bare
feet, after trudging for miles through deep snow.
H2ope Fake News Scoop! We’ve obtained doctored photos
of Hillary Clinton inside the Benghazi Embassy spraying endless
AK-47 rounds, protecting the Benghazi Ambassador.
 Not one Democrat went to jail.
This tabloid will attack the Deplorables. It’ll practically write
itself. And remember, buyers of H2ope Fake News will get free
CLIPs and will be helping fight Climate Change.
Now that’s ‘out-of-the-box-disruption-thinking.’ And it costs
nothing. Our delivery guys are coming around pretty much
every second day stocking shelves in those stores and The
National Enquirer is losing distribution and the lucrative H2ope
Fake News tabloid is getting distribution, everywhere H2ope
products are sold. The (David) Pecker is back in his junk strap.

Rudy, you can spin this. Greatest show on earth!

The long running hit game show, ‘The Price is Right’ will also
be disrupted. Sorry Drew, there’ll be no more Mother Nature
products for your little too excited contestants to bid on. H2ope
products will never need to advertise. One contestant even had
a tattoo of Drew Carey plastered on his back. Drew’s thinking,
‘How drunk and desperate do you have to be to do that?’ The
guy left the show with just some ugly overpriced woman’s
purse he correctly bid on. But he’s got that tattoo for life.
On the show’s farewell episode, Drew try’s to comfort the
sobbing crowd. “Don’t worry. You can always catch me on the
CBC’s new game show. ‘Who Wants a Syrian Family Living in
Their Basement?’ It’s going to be huge. Canadians want them to
shovel snow all winter. And just for the record, I’m not fat. I’ve
been lugging around bullet proof body amour all this time. The
NRA has set up a gun show right across the street.”

I actually saw this Jack Black episode. What are the odds?
P&G, you’ve a decision to make. Your liquid assets are $16.7
billion. Start buying never-to-be-disrupted-companies that are
soaring in value, or pay out to your shareholders a liquidating
dividend. Today your stock price was $82.15. No idea how far
that will fall, but top management must own some shares.
Probably lots. A liquidating dividend is tempting. Just trouser
the cash and head off to the yacht. Who needs this shit? You
can never win a war you fight with us. We don’t have to
advertise. We have all the money. You only have $16.7 billion.
Same for you, Rex Tillerson. Exxon Mobile still has a few
years of strong cash flow ahead. It’s going to take time to start
removing oil tankers forever from the high seas. We have to
install renewable energy gear first. But you should cancel all
your upcoming oil supertanker orders. Won’t need those. Your
stock is going to take a hit. Your proven and probable oil
reserves aren’t going to be of any investor interest. But you
knew that was coming. The more oil you produced, the worse
the nightmare you were creating and the more the world was
going broke fighting raging fires, endless floods, out of control
hurricanes, etc. Nobody would’ve had any money left to buy oil
anyway.

Exxon Valdez oil spill.

‘Drill baby drill!’

So, no surprise there, but I’d advise against any future

underwater Arctic, or other costly and potentially cataclysmic
environmental disaster drilling. Your revenues will eventually
plunge, but you’ll still have a strong cash flow. We’ll always
need oil for aircraft. Toss the Exxon name. You’re now a highly
Mobile Conglomerate. You should acquire free-from-disruption
companies. Fire most of your geologists and hire top flight
MBA’s. And whatever you do, don’t kill me. The coming
blueprint for humanity is out there. We hit you with a surprise
attack. It’s one of Sun Tzu’s best war tactics. We accomplished
a lot under the radar. This idea no longer relies on me. ‘Get
busy living, or get busy dying.’ You can manage this crisis.
Angela Merkel, you can find an old Stasi abandoned factory
and can convert it into a modern plant that produces wonderful
skin care products. Lots of good jobs. We’ll try to find you other
products from Mother Nature that you can steal from the
current greedy capitalists, but even if we do that, there’ll be a
lot of dough left over. So with that cash, Germany can go all in
and start spending money on renewable energy projects.
You’re already the greenest country in the world. It’s time to
finish the job. Why wait? It’s the big German announcement in
Toronto that’s critical. So announce a massive $40 billion
donation. Heck, with a little accounting magic you may be able
to draw down only what you spend. It’s the amount that’s key.
The world will go berserk. With all the excitement, people
everywhere will want to jump onto the H2ope bandwagon. The
money will pour in. And maybe in the not-so-distant-future,
Germany will be saving a fortune on money that’s currently
going to Putin. He needs to be punished.
I’m not very fond of those matroshka dolls. They’re so full of
themselves. I think Putin’s one. He never seems to age. He just
tosses his old matroshka doll away and becomes the next
smaller one. He’s not that tall. He might have been taller.
Someone should look into that.

It’s not so bad John. Moscow’s cold.

President Putin, we should meet. I kinda like ya. That Summit
meeting will have the lowest expectations and the most under-
delivered outcome of all-time, expect for Trump’s Summit
meetings with Kim Jong-un. But we can try. I’ll ask Snowden to
be my translator. He’s an American hero. If you don’t want bad
things to be leaked, stop doing bad things. Hey Justin? Why not
offer Snowden a Canadian passport. We’re liked. Ed’s used to
the cold now and he might want to go to Tim Hortons. Warren
Buffett probably has a stake in Timmy’s and I think he wouldn’t
mind if Ed was a customer.
Mr. Putin, I’ve got great ideas. I think you know that behind
every disaster lurks a little H2ope. You have any potatoes left
after the annual vodka production quota? Let’s build a big
frozen French fry factory near Smolensk. After the harvest is in,
the workers can work round the clock during winter building up
inventory. Heck, they can just toss the bags outside and then
before the spring thaw, you can deliver those tasty fries all over
Europe. Socialist Europe has great electric trains. Plus there’ll
be a lot of not too bad jobs to be had and every worker will be
eligible for the sought after H2ope pension.
The current Russian pension’s a bit dodgy. Even Gorbachev
had to go flog Louis Vuitton luggage. I suspect that as a former
Russian leader he was entitled to a pretty good one. But
Russians aren’t too happy with Gorby. Some postman might
have been tossing Gorby’s pension envelope into the snow.
That postman might have thought Gorby had given Russia
away. That postman needs to know that it was the boozer
Yeltsin who gave Russia away. Not Mikhail.
Hey Vladimir! Louis Vuitton luggage is made from Mother
Nature. It’s mostly leather. ‘H2ope’s Gorby Luggage.’ A Louis
Vuitton ‘face pound.’ Gorbachev can run that big factory in the
Chelyabinsk region. Lots of cattle raised there. He’ll be
interested. I think he was a bit embarrassed flogging capitalist
goods. It kinda goes against the Russian grain.

NEWS FLASH: Trump just announced he wants to rip up

START (Strategic Arms Reduction Treaty), so that Putin can put
nukes close to China and the Middle East.
Gorby remarked, ‘That is not the work of a great mind.’
If the Putin/H2ope Summit meeting can’t find common
ground, we can always discuss Russian literature, or history. I’m
a big fan. War and Peace, now there’s a good book. The
Brothers Karmazov left me wanting more. Peter the Great
Height, he was a good guy. He loved boats. So do I. Not a big
fan of Stalin. The boozer Yeltsin liked you. That was a lucky
break. ‘I never get any luck.’
Did you know Karl Marx always thought communism would
emerge in a more advanced economy, like Britain? He never
imagined that Russia would be the laboratory. Marx was wrong
on so many fronts. All economic models must include greed in
their thinking. It’s a human trait. The H2ope Corporation is
riddled with greed. It’s just been realigned. But then Marx
never had a smartphone. Actually, I’m rather surprised
somebody hadn’t come up with The Big Idea before. It was like
putting wheels on luggage. It was always out there. Waiting.
 Canada can do the same. So can many other countries. It’s
time to get off of oil. We may not be able to match the big
German donation. We’re risk averse and we’ve got Alberta oil
rednecks to deal with, but our country’s net government debt
as a percentage of GDP is only 37%. The perfect storm is
brewing. Let’s take advantage of it. If a number of other world
leaders start appearing at the concerts, announcing $10 billion
here, $15 billion there and maybe even the odd $30 billion,
then the Jumbotrons will come alive and MSNBC’s excitable
Steve Kornacki will be madly updating his famous tote board.
“With the socialists in, we just blew past $200 billion!”
Justin narrowly won a minority government. Phew! He came
real close to getting the boot. And all because of some minor
scandal and a few dodgy photos from when he was young.
Really Canada? Had my MBA classmate Kevin O’Leary won his
bid to lead the Conservatives, many of you would’ve voted for
him. But Kevin is the biggest criminal in the history of white
collar crime. He’s a nasty piece of work. Read A Winnipeg
Outcast for all the dirty details. And I was a crime scene witness
when he pulled off his US$3.6 billion heist. I warned Kevin that I
would put his bad behaviour in my book, but he’s stupid. He
underestimated me. Canada needs Justin not this guy. Asshole.
 And Justin when you’re fed up with politics why not consider
being the first ‘Global Ambassador’ for The H2ope Corporation?
We’ll pay you. You’d make a great ‘bumper.’ And whenever you
get bored hanging around the house unemployed, why not fly
around with me in my big, brand new leased Boeing 737-800
jet? That jet can be had for as little as $150,000 per month. Of
course, fuel, maintenance, and pilots will add to the total. Hey
Justin, are you a pilot? You’re a pretty good actor. I enjoyed
watching you in your movie ‘The Great War.’ You’ll get to act
again in our movie, but you might want to bring along some ear
plugs when you join me on the Boeing jet. A practicing novice
saxophone player might be a little grating on the ears.

Read A Winnipeg Outcast to

learn why. There’s a photo.
I think I can afford that plane. I may be living on that plane. If
Warren says ‘Yes!’ my book sales will soar. I should make $
millions and then I can afford that plane. Every investment firm,
mutual fund, greedy hedge fund guys, (plenty of them), big time
investors, many of the celebrities, and rich people mentioned in
the book and all of the world’s media will buy my books. Soon
some disrupted stocks will be in free fall. People will want to
know why. Fear and panic will force them to buy my book. I’m
going to ask Apple to make a H2ope iPad with the book pre-
installed. I reveal my thinking on this important new Apple
product in A Winnipeg Outcast. I think book publishing could
be a whole new industry for Apple, just like iTunes is for music.
Selling digital books off my website is very profitable. No
trees get destroyed. I pocket about 95% of the proceeds, before
tax. My only expense is PayPal. Plus my website puts the email
address of every buyer on every top left corner of every page in
my books. Post it up on Pirate Bay and you’ll be hearing the
sounds of battering rams as my bodyguards pour in.
Bezos is wondering, ‘How did he do that? My DRAM is shit. It
stops no one from copying.’
And reader, billionaires don’t do small deals. This is the
biggest business deal in history. Look at the problem we’re
solving. It’s the biggest threat to humanity ever! Eventually
‘Climate Change Wars’ will be raging all over the planet. H2ope
can prevent that. H2ope must prevent that, or you better have
a one way ticket on the rapture.
So what do you think? A Boeing 737-800, or one of their new
787 Dreamliners. The latter gets better fuel mileage and they’re
big. So will my entourage. Plenty of Thais who can’t speak
English can be my new pals. And I don’t want people fawning all
over me. ‘I’ll get my own Latte, thank you.’ I’ve learned from
the rich that staff are best made into friends. If not, they just
steal everything. My bodyguards will want to have fun. These
guys will be on the front line. In the air, they’ll want to relax.
We’ll need lots of bedrooms, but no gold toilets. And everyone
will have to clean up after themselves.
 Reader, I’ll be busy on that Dreamliner. I’ll be improving my
Thai language and learning the saxophone. I’ll be briefed on our
next donor and I’ll also want to know what’s going on over at
H2ope? ‘How’s the movie coming along? Are the movie stars
mentioned keen to play these roles? Has someone talked to the
CBC, HBO2, Stephen Colbert, Bill Maher and John Oliver? Will we
have an intermission? Are all legal obstacles overcome? Have
we found the perfect home office location in Detroit?’
H2ope is going to need a sizeable amount of property located
in the cheapest big city in the United States to enable it to grow
to its full potential. We’ll be prowling that city on the lookout
for the perfect spot. H2ope staff will want to go see the Red
Wings, Lions, Tigers and Pistons. We can buy a block of seats
way up in the nosebleed section for every game. Cheap! We’ll
hand them out as perks. Can’t do that in San Jose.
We’ll want to build a big pool with scads of fitness centres
and Tim Hortons all over the H2ope Campus. This will be a place
where millennials will want to spend a lot of time. They’ll have
lots of like-minded new friends. I think this will be a productive
and great beating heart for The H2ope Corporation. I’m willing
to spend that money. Drive concrete piles deep into any
foundation and you’ve got an impenetrable fortress.

BMO Harris has branches all over the US. They’ll lend money
when Warren Buffett tells them, ‘I’m good for it.’ Many early
good-guy rich donors will be asked to contribute as much cash
as they can. They can borrow from their own banks and tell
them, ‘I’m good for it.’ Then let’s spend that money in Detroit.
One room in the Dreamliner will be devoted to where I can
film helpful videos on how best we can succeed. I’ll need an
advance team briefing me on every rich guy we visit. I need to
know his weakness. Say we learn our next victim loves Seinfeld.
Okay, so let’s ask the cast to join me. They’ll make great
‘bumpers.’ If he’s too stupid to realize that we’re only there to
hit on him and if he refuses to donate, then George, Kramer
and Newman can start slapping him around.

The H2ope Advance Rich Guy Briefing Team can do all the
follow up. (I’ll have moved on.) They can draft tailor-made
legally binding donor pledges. We’ll need a lawyer. These
contracts will have some wiggle room. If the poor guy runs into
financial trouble, we don’t want to haul him into court. We can
work around his problems, but there will be no Trump-like
charity. He says he’s donating to a charity and then gives the
money to himself. That crime should put two of his kids in jail.
I think you get the idea. These videos will be amusing and
can be shown to new recruits in perpetuity. Yet some of my
ideas might be absurd, so just ignore them.
I went to London Town to discuss my ideas with Prince
William and Prince Harry. Boy, were they ever good guys! Had a
cuppa with them and their wives. We had a great time. You see,
they’re all millennials. They knew what was at stake. They knew
Climate Change was altering the direction of the Gulf Stream
and that the green islands of the UK will one day in the not-too-
distant-future, be in the grip of Winnipeg like winters. Rain they
can handle, but fifty foot snowbanks, forget it!

So the Prince’s discussed the problem ‘and the solution’ with

their betters. I never met the Queen, but was told that she
remembered my dad. Apparently, while they were out on his
rounds over at Winnipeg’s Children’s Hospital, dad bent over
and a few 2.5 inch nails hit the floor. She thought that was a
little odd. It is odd, but all the British Royals knew something
had to be done about Climate Change and were eager to help.
Lichtenstein’s Royals are worth $6.3 billion. The Dutch Royals
have $300 million. Morocco’s Royals have $5.7 billion. (They
don’t have oil either, but I’ve been there.) Monaco’s Royals have
$1 billion. (You’ll learn in A Winnipeg Outcast that Princess
Caroline knows me. I’ve seen her tit.) The Aga Khan has $1
billion. (I crashed at his Swiss chalet once.) And there’s more. So
the Princes agreed to fly around with me on the Dreamliner and
were there when we pitched all the Royals. Their Royal buddies
took a liking to, particularly Prince Harry. He’s rather naughty.
The Princes wanted to come to Toronto to share the exciting
news with their Canadian subjects. The amount they helped
raise from all the Royals was substantial and when they told the
world, Kornacki told us;
“With the Royals now in, we just went over a $212 billion.”
I invited all my donors to come to the airport and meet me
on H2ope Force One. Few rich people own a flying palace like
this beauty. Of course, this Dreamliner was leased. I gotta great
deal. Boeing and I go back a long way. After all, we bought from
them the world’s first software code that actually understood
English. Gave ‘em $100 grand. They liked me.
I knew I had to ask the professional sports leagues to chip in,
so a bunch visited me on the Dreamliner. The NHL players are
basically broke, but I convinced Gretzky, Sidney Crosby and
Winnipeg’s top player, Blake Wheeler to join me on the
Dreamliner.
It’s too bad Tim Horton passed. You know, ‘The Deadman’s
Donut guy?’ He was a good hockey player. I would’ve enjoyed
meeting him. Oh well, the three of us discussed whether all the
NHL players had enough dough and would be willing to pay for
the Apple hockey pucks. Maybe.
Tim Cook gave them an estimate and the boys started calling
around. I had to move on, so I never learned the outcome, but
I’m keen to. And I think we’ll all learn in Toronto. Home of The
Maple Laughs. Perpetual losers.

They haven’t won the Stanley Cup

since 1967. Kenora won the Cup in
1907. There’s even a photo in
A Winnipeg Outcast.
 A lot of the best footballers wanted to see this kitted out
soaring palace. That party was fun. Those guys are mostly
tattooed boozers.

Soccer is the world’s most popular sport. Who are their fans?
The world’s poor. Those who have no H2ope. Neymar’s five
year contract is worth $528 million and he gets $22 million a
year from endorsements. His next contract will likely be even
more grotesque. I once read that Instagram pays him $400,000
every time he posts a picture of himself. Probably not true.
He’d be posting one every day. But wow! He’s lucky. His fans
aren’t. The World Cup is coming to North America. (Tiger
Wood’s fist pump! I’m going.) Renaldo, Messi, Suárez, Harry
Kane, Luka Modrić, Thomas Müller, Son Heung-min, Alex Iwobi,
Luis Suarez and Neymar, can all come out and make a big
announcement.
 I also convinced all the top Black NFL players to appear and
kneel in Detroit and make a whopping big donation should all
the NFL players collectively agree to chip in. They thought
many would be interested.
I asked them, ‘What about the owners?’ You know, the guys
that use extortion techniques like, ‘If I don’t get a free stadium
right now I’ll move this fucking franchise to Fargo! The five year
old domed job that you gave me is now obsolete. Completely
useless. I’m not spending my billions on a new stadium.’
The lads suggested it was worth a try. So a bunch of big Black
NFL defensive linemen boarded the Dreamliner and we all went
and visited them. Some of the owners were reluctant to meet,
so the boys just charged the door. I insisted they wear their
helmets. Chronic traumatic encephalopathy is a big problem in
football. “No it isn’t.” says NFL Commissioner, Roger Goodell.

Howard Cosell with a chronic traumatic encephalopathy victim.

 The NBA players make a fortune. Some joined me on the
Dreamliner. Wow, are those guys tall. They wanted to come to
Detroit. I even asked one of the braver ones if he’d agree to
drag some old white guy onstage behind him. He did. You see, I
wanted this old guy, who would be a former pro wrestler that
could still take a pounding, let us dog collar him and be led into
the Detroit Coliseum by a sturdy chain leash, just like that
caged sex slave was in David Linde’s great movie ‘Pulp Fiction.’

Are you okay? …….. I’m pretty far from, ‘Okay!’

This old guy’s new role is to play Donald Sterling, the racist
former owner of the ‘Los Angeles Clippers’ NBA franchise. This
episode is hard to believe. You see, Don Sterling doesn’t like
Blacks. He liked his Black mistress, but he kept bugging her to
stop bringing Black guys around the house. He didn’t see any
potential blowback. Well, when this shit hit the fan ‘The Idiot’
Donald Trump tells him he should be more careful with the
women he sleeps with. As if he knows.
Don’s NBA Clippers team were mostly Black. The players find
out he’s a raging racist and they’re now not too keen to play
ball for this guy. The league finally forced Don to sell the
Clippers and along came the good guy billionaire Steve Ballmer,
of Microsoft fame. (I later met Steve and he was a great guy!)
Steve decides to buy the team off of Don Sterling for $2 billion.
Don doesn’t pay a penny in tax. I’m thinking, why not? He’d
only paid $12.5 million for the team. He made a huge taxable
gain, but apparently in the GOP, (Greedy Obese Pig) world - that
particular gain was not taxable. They tax the poor though.
Well, not so fast Mr. Sterling. Bad behaviour should never be
rewarded. So I went to see him, but he refused to chip in the $1
billion I was demanding. So now I have no choice. I have to
shame the bastard until he calls in and finally coughs up that $1
billion donation to H2ope. We need that money. That money
can start removing quite a few oil tankers from the high seas.
The NBA players do not want to announce the amount that
they’re contributing to H2ope, until they know Don Sterling’s
decision. That extra $1 billion could put their generosity at the
top of all the professional sports leagues. They wanted to wait.
So Hulk Hogan appears onstage, and is handed the chain
leash and he drags poor old Don Sterling, the now former
professional wrestler away, and leads him to a ring, that’s been
set up off to the side. Once Don’s in the ring, Hulk begins one of
his many famous body slams.
Eventually an overweight Donald Trump, played by SNL’s
Alec Baldwin, comes out to the ring and yells, ‘Hey Hulk. Leave
the poor old fella alone. He’s a good guy.’
 Hulk’s buying none of Alec’s arguments. So he grabs him and
tosses him into the ring. Hulk’s early attacks, shred most of
Alec’s clothing, revealing that ‘The Idiot’ Trump is wearing pink
boxers. The Hulk is now flying through the air, leaping off the
top rope and lands a crushing blow to Trump’s sizable mid-
section. Trump, (Alec Baldwin) is flipping about, agonizing and
assumes the fetal surrender position. (Reader, it’s all fake. Just
like the fake news. No one is getting hurt. Although the fake
news caused some harm, but this is pure nonsense.) And it’s a
sight to behold! Yet I think many in the global audience may not
be too happy, but I want that $1 billion.
Meanwhile backstage, Roger Daltrey and Pete Townshend of
The Who are arguing with me. “Murph, there’s no way we’re
coming out onstage to perform with that nonsense going on.”
“I know, but it shouldn’t last much longer. Don Sterling will
soon call in and announce he’ll donate his bloody $1 billion.”
‘I don’t think so.” replies Pete Townshend. “He’s not the one
being body slammed.”

Are they the best rock ‘n roll band ever? Yup.

Just then, out of nowhere, ‘The Rock’ flies past us dressed in
full wrestling kit.
“Oh! I didn’t see that coming.” I tell The Who.
 Imagine a raging racist being body slammed by these guys?
The Rock is one mean Black dude!
We tiptoe out a bit onto the stage to see this unexpected
turn of events unfold. ‘The Rock’ is leaning into the ring. His
hand is stretched as far as it’ll go. He’s pleading Hulk Hogan to
tag him. He does, and now the Donalds have to contend with
this new nightmare. Hulk Hogan is tired. ‘The Rock’ is not. The
body slamming intensifies.

Trump slammed by a Black guy. Painful and mental humiliation.

The look on Roger’s face is not good. “We’re definitely not
making our appearance now.”
“Neither would I. Listen, I’ll scoot out the Korean Boy Band
to take your set. Maybe that up-beat music and lively dancing
will keep Hulk Hogan body slamming. He’s bone tired. The
Rock’s fine. I’m looking at my list here, and it appears that in a
couple of hours over in Toronto, Canada’s ‘Bare Naked Ladies’
are going to sing their great song, ‘If I had a $1 million’, but I
don’t think they do. So what’s the point? Grab your guitars guys
and we’ll head to the airport and fly to Toronto.”
Pete asks, “Can we take the Dreamliner?”
“Nah, we’ll jump in one of Warren Buffett’s provided
NetJets. Plus, I sent the legless kid in the rickety wheelchair to
go guard the thing.”
“Doesn’t he want to stay and listen to the music?”
“Nope. He’s deaf. Some warlord punctured his eardrums.”
“Oh, that’s fucking horrible.”
“It’s life Roger. For many. It’s all they know.”
We careen over to Detroit’s private jet terminal in a big limo
where we’re met by the sight of a speeding incoming plastic
rocket. It harmlessly bounces away.
I remark, “Guys, we should stop and give that legless kid in
the rickety wheelchair an ‘Atta-boy’ and tell him to slow down
on the rockets. He’ll be out of them in no time.”
“I like that kid. He’s a survivor.” observes Pete Townsend.
“I know. He knows how to sign. I had someone tell him he’s
got a job for life. I think he’ll go far. He’s wise beyond his years.
Torture will do that.”
When we arrive at the Skydome, the top PGA golfers are
teeing up their balls and driving them into the ducking crowd.
You’re thinking, ‘isn’t that a little dangerous?’ I’m thinking,
‘They’re already firing hot dogs into the baseball crowds. Fans
are getting wounded.’ Plus, those PGA golfers can land those
balls wherever they want. No one will get hurt. And they too
want to make a donation.

Cheating again. That’s not his wife.

Onstage Kevin Na is furiously running on a treadmill. Phil
Mickelson has him on the clock. Kevin likes to play fast golf. In
one tournament, he knew he wasn’t going to win and was given
the dreaded first tee-off slot. Sun’s just coming up. No one’s
ahead of him, so he decides to ‘run/hit, run/hit, run/hit,
run/putt, skip/putt. Run!’ His caddy is madly tossing clubs aside
trying to keep up. He finishes the round in under two hours. He
birdied the last four holes. I love out-of-the-box-thinking.

The PGA is the only sport committed to donating to charity.

Over the last six years, golf as a fundraising vehicle has raised
nearly $20 billion. ‘Atta-boy.’ Not going to put the squeeze on
those good guys too hard, but I want Tiger Woods to come out
onstage and reveal how much all the PGA golfers have agreed
to donate. Then the world must see the coveted big fist pump!
Professional boxers make loads. Anthony Joshua is expected
to earn $26 million in his next fight. Floyd Mayweather Jr. is
worth $400 million. George Foreman, ($250 million). Manny
Pacquiao, ($190 million). And the list just goes on and on. I met
with a number of them. They’re all surprisingly intelligent and
very eloquent, especially when you consider the amount of face
pounding they’ve taken. They were interested in giving back to
their global fans and a bunch of them appeared onstage in
Detroit to make a big announcement. Anthony Joshua and
Manny Pacquiao came wearing their boxing trunks and gloves.
After their announcement they ran over and jumped into the
ring. The Rock had to hold a shaky Donald Trump, (Alec
Baldwin) upright, while Anthony started throwing body shots.
Manny was working over Don Sterling with devastating upper
cuts. The Hulk was too exhausted. He’d collapsed on the ring
floor. But it was a sight to behold!

Gollum Manny Pacquiao.

Then the Jumbotrons came alive and Kornacki announces,
“With the sports guys now in, we’re up to $225 billion. And my
real time data is showing that on a per capita basis, Winnipeg is
donating more dough than Miami. ‘Come on Miami!’ You’re
soon to be submerged. You can do better.”
 I tell a dejected Bare Naked Ladies they’ve been given the
boot. They told me they had $1 million and to prove it, they
tossed it in. ‘Atta-boy.’ And finally, The Who got to make their
appearance.
‘I stretched back and I puked.
And looked back on my busy day.
Eleven hours in the tin pan.
God, there's got to be another way.
Well, who are you? Who, who, who, who?
Oh, who the fuck are you? Who, who, who, who?’
The Pope’s going to be in the movie. (That’s a tough segue.)
He’s already said that Global Warming is the greatest threat to
mankind. Religious tensions are on the rise. Perhaps a donation
by the Catholic Church is just what the world needs to see. The
Muslims likely won’t cough up. They’re going to be disrupted.
Pretty soon there may be just a trickle of oil tankers heading
out of the Suez Canal and the Arabs will be back up on their
camels and fighting their proxy wars with clubs and spears.
Israelis will be happy. They don’t have any oil and their iron
dome doesn’t let spears come anywhere near them.

Now nobody really knows how much the Catholic Church has
stashed away in the Vatican Bank. Maybe they’ve got $8 billion.
I think it’s more. The H2ope Corporation could sure use some of
that dough. We’re going to use the power of the marketplace
to put into action what the church has been preaching for
centuries. We’re creating a never ending cash flow. We’re
helping the poor! I guess one could argue the collection plate is
a never ending cash flow, but you guys aren’t fighting Climate
Change, or giving away free US$1 million CLIPs as that plate
gets passed around.
The Pope might buy into that argument and he might put the
squeeze on the Vatican Bank and then he might make an
announcement in Toronto. He’ll come. He’ll be getting used to
the limelight. He’ll want to go to the Academy Awards and we’ll
make sure he’s the lucky guy who announces who wins Best
Picture. He’ll be told to just toss that envelope aside and then
lean into the mic and scream, “And the winner is - H2ope, Dope
and me.” That envelope often has the wrong winner.
In Detroit, Buffalo Springfield with Neil Young come onstage.

‘There's something happening here.

What it is ain't exactly clear.
A lot of H2ope is going on over here.
Yet something tells me, I got to fear.
Because the NRA has a gun over there.
Telling me that I got to beware.
I think it's time we stop, children, what's that sound?
Everybody look what's going down.
 There's battle lines being drawn.
Nobody's right if everybody's wrong.
Young people speaking their minds.
Getting so much resistance from behind.
It's time we stop, hey, what's that sound?
Everybody look what's going down.”
A thousand people in the street.
Singing songs and carrying signs.
Mostly say, hooray for our side.’
Right after in Toronto, a little known British band appears
and Fink is onstage and they sing this:
‘You’ve come a long way.
Not to work it out.
As cold comfort,
cloaks around you in the dark.
You’ve come a long way.
Not to ask the question that’s been,
on your lips all the way.
Spit it out.
The words come out.
You’ve wrote them down.
Just to say.
It doesn’t matter when it mattered yesterday.
And tomorrow ain’t so far away.
From small beginnings.
Come big endings.
From small beginnings.
Come big endings.’
During that song, the Jumbotrons have been playing a scene
of Matt Damon sprinting along my mostly empty beach next to
the Andaman Sea. His pace attracts other young Thais who bolt
along behind him like so many others did behind Forrest Gump.
 Canada’s PokerStars Mark Scheinberg ($5 billion) was a great
guy. He loved this idea. The Canadian Daniel Negreanu, (a.k.a.
‘Kid Poker’) has made the most money in all of poker history, so
a Final Table went up onstage. Lon McEachern and the witty
Norman Chad provided colour commentary on the Jumbotron.
Kid Poker, Antonio Esfandiari, Phil Ivey, bad boy Phil Hellmuth,
Mark Scheinberg and me are playing. A few hands are dealt.
Everyone’s pushing scads of cash into the pot screaming, ‘All
in!’ and everyone’s bluffing. The winner gets to broadcast what
all the rich poker players had agreed to contribute. I was the
first to go bust. I threw in $100. They complained. ‘It’s a
Canadian $100 bill! Completely worthless.’

Everybody! Let’s rock & roll! And who better to get the world
rocking, than Canada’s Loverboy giving it their all in Toronto?
Loverboy’s bass guitarist tragically died in a boating accident.
Scott Smith was from Winnipeg and he was a buddy of mine.
 ‘Everyone's watching, to see what you will do.
Everyone’s looking at you.
Everyone's wondering, will you come out tonight?
Everyone's trying to get it right, get it right.
Everybody's working for the weekend.
Everybody wants a new romance.
Everybody's goin' off the deep end.
Everybody needs a second chance.
You want a piece of my heart?
You better start from start.
You wanna be in the show?
Come on baby let’s go!
Everyone's looking to see if it was you.
Everyone wants you to come through.
Everyone's hoping it'll all work out.
Everyone's waiting, they're holding out.
You want a piece of my heart?
You better start from start.
You wanna be in the show?
Come on baby let’s go!’

On the Jumbotron above Loverboy, Jack Black agreed to be

filmed herding Detroit staff into buses adorned with ‘Detroit’s
ride for H2ope.’ blaring along each side. People are racing to the
buses. Many are grabbing their ‘H2ope Dope’ joints. But Jack’s
having trouble convincing a Muslim gal to join this Friday night
rabble. She eventually does and reluctantly boards the bus that
takes them to Woodward Avenue, where many of Detroit’s
best night clubs and bars are located. We soon see this Muslim
gal dancing with a bare shirted totally ripped gay guy. Jack Black
is passed out in a nearby booth. Vomit spews from his mouth.

Just before he passed out. Lots of puke in there.

Still at the Detroit Coliseum the audience is restless. They
know it’s coming. They don’t know when it’s coming. They
sense it’s coming soon. But they don’t know just how soon. We
know when it’s coming. It’s coming now. It’s coming when most
of the world is still awake.
The lights are turned off. The world is plunged into darkness.
The crowd is confused. A spotlight illuminates a white grand
piano. Soon another spotlight shines. This one follows Julian
Lennon into the Coliseum. He’s nervous. He doesn’t want to be
here. He shouldn’t be here. But he has no choice. The NRA has
left him no choice. The crowd erupts.
‘Imagine there's no heaven.
It's easy if you try.
 No hell below us.
Above us only sky.
Imagine all the people.
Living for today...
Imagine there's no countries.
It isn't hard to do.
Nothing to kill or die for.
And no religion, too.
Imagine all the people.
Living life in peace.
You may say I'm a dreamer.
But I'm not the only one.
I H2ope someday you'll join us.
And the world will be as one.
Imagine no possessions.
I wonder if you can.
No need for greed or hunger.
A brotherhood of man.
Imagine all the people.
Sharing all the world... Aha-ah...
You may say I'm a dreamer.
But I'm not the only one.
I H2ope someday you'll join us.
And the world will live as one.’
 Girls are weeping. Guys are crying. Boomers are sobbing.
Yoko Ono, (worth $600 million) emails me a big donation. She
was so proud of Julian. The Coliseum doesn’t care and it soon
plunges the whole world back into darkness. Then another
spotlight is turned on. This time it shines on a coffin. A coffin,
‘Fit for a King.’ Behind the coffin stands Al Pacino.
He doesn’t want to be here, but he knows he must be here.
He must reprise the greatest performance of his acting career,
the one when he gave his stirring eulogy in City Hall.
“I was warned not to come here. I was warned. They
warned me. 'Mr. Mayor, don't stand behind that coffin.'
But why should I heed such a warning, when a heartbeat
is silent and a great man lies dead? 'Don't stand behind
this coffin!' Yet this man was as pure and innocent as the
driven snow. So I must stand here, because I’ve not given
you what you should have. Until we can walk proud and
better ourselves, until we can stroll along the streets like
boulevards, until we can congregate in parks free from
fear, our families mingling, our children laughing, our
hearts joined - until that day when we are rid of the NRA,
we have no city. And you can label me a failure until that
day.”
Hallelujah!
 “The first and perhaps only great mayor was Greek. He
was Pericles of Athens, and he lived some 2,500 years
ago, and he said: 'All things good of this Earth flow into
the City, because of the City's greatness.' Well, we were
great once. Can we not be great again?”
Hallelujah!
“Now, I put that question to John Lennon, but there's
only silence. Yet could not something pass from this great
man to me?”
Praise the Lord!
“Could he not empower me to find in myself the
strength to have the knowledge to summon up the
courage, to accomplish this seemingly insurmountable
task of making a city livable? Just livable.”
More hallelujahs!
“There was a Palace that was a city. It was a Palace! It
was a Palace, and it can be a Palace again! A Palace,
where there is no kings or queens, or dukes, or earls, or
princes, but subjects all. Subjects beholden to each other,
to make a better place to live.”

“Is that too much to ask? Are we asking too much for
 this? Is it beyond our reach? Because if it is, then we are
nothing but sheep being herded to the final NRA
slaughterhouse! I will not go down that road! I choose to
fight! I choose to rise, not fall! I choose to live, not die!
And I know, I know that what's within me is also within
you.”
Praise the Lord!
“That's why I ask you now to join me. Join me, rise up
with me, rise up on the wings of this slain angel. We'll
rebuild on the soul of this great warrior. We will pick up
his standard and raise it high! Carry it forward until this
city - your city - our city - his city - is a Palace again! Is a
Palace again! I am with you, John Lennon. I am you.”
He kisses the coffin.

The Coliseum is rising up. The Black thundering angels are

swaying. The crowd is alive with anger. They’re screaming, “Go
away - NRA!” “Go away - NRA!” They might. They got caught
funneling Putin’s $30 million dark money to Trump. Pure evil!
Then the Jumbotrons come alive and Steve Kornacki is
comforting a sobbing Rachel Maddow. Steve’s eyes are also
watering, but he knows he must regain his composure. He
knows he must tell the global audience this:
 “It’s coming! It’s here! Boomer money is flowing. The tote
board cannot keep up. But we’re going to do it. We’re going to
blow past $230 billion. I just know we are. H2ope is coming to a
cruel world.”
We no longer need to shame the buggers. Even Don Sterling
has eventually called in his $1 billion donation and the ‘body
slamming’ and ‘upper cuts’ have thankfully ended.

Now both Jumbotrons burst into brilliant focus and a video

of the legendary Canadian superstar Leonard Cohen singing this
great tune is shown to the world:

‘Everybody knows that the dice are loaded.

Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed.
Everybody knows the war is over.
Everybody knows the good guys lost.
Everybody knows the fight was fixed.
The poor stay poor, the rich get rich.
That's how it goes.
 But now everybody knows.
That H2ope is coming to the USA.’
I watch Stephen Colbert’s monologue every week night.
When he first started bayonetting Trump I was worried for the
guy. He’s hugely talented. Trump’s thugs aren’t. He could’ve
been killed. But he’s still alive. I’m stirring up a hornet’s nest
here. I too am a little worried. But what choice do I have? Walk
away and let the toddlers in my extended family deal with this
nightmare? I don’t think so. This is my burden to endure. I must
face the consequences.
Hey Stephen, why not dance next to me while I decimate
Pink Floyd’s song, ‘Money?’ You were killing it with your Daft
Punk, ‘Get Lucky’ dance videos. I won’t watch. You’ll make me
laugh and I’ll be too busy trying to get air through that damn
saxophone, but you’ll have fun. And that dance alone could
raise at least $1 million, (maybe from you) and it won’t be your
only dance. We’ll need a ‘Stormy Watch.’

Stephen let’s meet. Your ratings will dive when Trump’s

gone, but H2ope is comedy gold. In A Winnipeg Outcast I
explain how. Please read it. And you might win your $1 million
donation back.
You and Stormy can appear and snake slither during the
jingle. Music and comedy. Now that’s a match made in money
raising heaven. Trump thinks you have no talent. We’ll ask his
jailers to use some optical surgical device, so his eyes can’t
close and he’ll be forced to watch you and his ex-lover dance.
He might get a woodie. Stephen, you’re a good dancer.
In Toronto, the Swedish duo Junip appear and sing this:
‘What would you do?
If it all came back to you?
Each crest of each wave.
Bright as lightning.
What would you say?
If you had to leave today?
Leave everything behind.
Even though for once, you're shining.
If put to the test.
Would you step back from the line of fire?
Hold everything back.
All emotions set aside.
Convince yourself.
You’re someone else.
And go hide in the world.
No one else around you.
No one to understand you.
No one to hear your calls.
Step back from the line of fire.
I’d walk back from the line of fire.’
 Detroit won the coin toss and AC/DC blew the place away.
‘I was caught, in the middle of a railroad track.
I looked round and I knew there was no turning back.
My mind raced and I thought, what could I do?
And I knew there was no H2ope, no H2ope from you.
You've been Thunderstruck.
Rode down the highway.
Broke the limit, we hit the town.
Went through to Texas, yeah Texas, and we had some fun.
We met some girls, some dancers who gave a good time.
Broke all the rules.
Played all the fools.
And I was shaking at the knees.
Could I come again please?
You've been Thunderstruck.’

And you’re not going to watch this on TV. Are you crazy?
Now it’s Pink Floyd’s turn. The crowd is gobsmacked. On the
Jumbotrons, Alec Baldwin, (Trump) and Putin, (his mom in drag)
appear and Detroit listens to this great prophetic song:
‘Mother should I run for President?
Mother should I build a wall?
Mother should I trust the government?
Mother will they put me in the firing line?
 Or is it all just a waste of time?
(Putin:) Hush now idiot baby, don't you cry.
Mama's gonna make all of your nightmares come true.
Mama's gonna put all of her fears into you.
Mama's gonna keep you right here under her wing.
She won't let you fly, but she might let you sing.
Mama's gonna keep idiot baby cozy and warm.
And of course, Mexico’s gonna help you build that damn wall.
Mother do you think she's good enough, for me?
Mother do you think she's dangerous, to me?
Mother will she tear your little idiot boy apart?
(Stephen Colbert, Stormy, Karen McDougal - ‘Stormy Dance.’)
(Putin:) Hush now idiot baby don't you cry.
Mama's gonna check out all your girlfriends for you.
Mama won't let anyone dirty get through.
Mama's gonna wait up until you get in.
Mama will always find out where you have been.
Mama's gonna keep idiot baby healthy and clean.
You'll always be my idiot baby to me.
Mother, did that damn wall need to be so high?’
Pink Floyd nailed it. Over at Skydome, the speakers scream,
“They’re back! Give it up for Woodstock’s Ten Years After.”
‘Tax the rich, feed the poor.
Til there are no rich no more.
I'd love to change the world.
But I don't know what to do.
So Murph, I'll leave it up to you.
Life is funny, skies are sunny.
Bees make honey, who needs money?
I'd love to change the world.
But I don't know what to do.
So Murphy, I'll leave it up to you.
 World pollution, there's no solution.
Just black and white, rich or poor.
Them and us, stop the war.
I'd love to change the world.
But I don't know what to do.
So I'll leave it up to all of you.’

Thought no one would come. But H2ope came.

In Detroit, Meat Loaf appears. I asked him to clarify a point
many are worried about. He agreed and he strode out onstage.
‘And I would do anything for H2ope.
I'd run right into hell and back.
I would do anything for H2ope.
And I know we’ll get some help from the Pope.
But I'll never forget the way you feel right now.
Oh no, no way.
And I would do anything for H2ope.
But I won't do that.
Oh no, but I won't do that.
Maybe I'm crazy, but something must be done.
I’ve got a big plan and we can all have some fun.
As long as the oil is burning.
As long as the greed is churning.
As long we fight together.
We can battle back the bad weather.
 Oh, I would do anything for H2ope.
Oh, I would do anything for H2ope, but I won't do that.
But I won't do that.
Some days I’m discouraged.
Some days I’m depressed.
Some days I’m so angry, some days I’m so stressed.
Maybe we’ll lose, but we must go down fighting.
We’ll fight all the greed, or we’ll face constant lightening.
As long as the rich are climate denying.
As long as the politicians keep lying.
As long as H2ope products are buying.
You better believe and you better keep trying.
That we will do everything for H2ope.
We’ll even quit drinking and just smoke H2ope dope.
Every purchase we make puts oil on a slippery slope.
But I can’t do it without you.
Oh no, so we must do everything for H2ope.
Oh yeah, we must all donate a little glue.
It’s true. Cause we must do everything for H2ope.
But we won't do that.
No, no, no, we won't do that.
(Now it’s time for Patti Russo to join in.)

Patti: Will you raise us all up? Will you never resign?
Will you fight for humanity?
 Will you return the world to some sanity?
I can do that.
Patti: Will you never steal money?
Will you help those in need?
Will you take me to places where I've never been?
I can do that.
Oh yes, I can do that.
Patti: I know the territory, I've been around.
It'll all turn to greed and we'll all fall down.
Sooner or later you'll be screwing around.
Oh no, no I won't do that.
No, I won't do that.
I’ll do anything for H2ope.
But I won't do that.’
I hope all our donors believe it, because I know people
everywhere will buy H2ope products. There’s no reason not to.
This amazing weekend of non-stop, round the clock Tinker
Bell magic hosted in Toronto and Detroit has been the talk of
the planet. The ratings just keep surging with each passing
hour. TV news footage show people everywhere dancing with
joy, fist pumping and indicating they made a donation.

Then in Toronto the great Indian singer Sajid and his band
The Lost Boys sing this terrific tune:
‘Hey, I’ve got a plan. Are you still listening?
Understand that while we still heal,
 nothing is changing.
And hey, stop talking – there’s nobody home.
And no one’s listening and it’s all going wrong.
And your world’s caving in.
So just close your eyes and pray for H2ope.
And no – no more suffering. Suffer in silence.
Don’t suffer in silence.
Just scream as loud as you can for H2ope.’

He’s great. Buy his music.

Sajid and The Lost Boys are joined on stage with Winnipeg’s
Jim Carr. He’s my Liberal Party MP. Jim used to play the flute
for The Winnipeg Symphony Orchestra. He’s a great flutist and
a real Winnipeg booster. He leapt at this offer. And Toronto
went crazy. Lots of Winnipeggers in attendance. I was giving
away tickets left and right. (I think Jim likes the weed.)

Now it’s time to wrap things up. Now it’s time for Bono and
U2 to appear. Now it’s time for the world to hear one last song.
And the world will like listening to U2’s With or Without You.
The band’s drummer Larry Mullen, knows he must focus and
never tire, as he repeatedly bangs away during his up-tempo
final drum solo stanza. Lots of people are going to appear for
this big Curtain Call and Larry cannot afford to screw that up.
‘See the stone set in your eyes.
See the thorn twist in your side.
I'll await for you.
Sleight of hand and twist of fate.
On a bed of nails he makes me wait.
And I wait, without you.
With or without you.
Through the storm we reach the shore.
You give it all but I want more.
And I'm waiting for you.
With or without you.
I can't live.
With or without you.
And you give yourself away.
And you give yourself away.
And you give.
And you give.
And you give yourself away.
My hands are tired.
My body’s bruised, he's left me with,
everything to win and nothing left to lose.
And you give yourself away.
And you give yourself away.
And you give.
And you give.
And you give yourself away.
With or without you.
With or without you.
I can't live.
With or without you.’
 (Now comes Larry’s 30 minute laser focused drumming.)
Dan dun da, dan dun da, de ‘dle du da.
Dan dun da, dan dun da, de ‘dle du da.

Cheer up Bono.
Taxes aren’t due yet.
Onstage to a big reception Warren Buffett, Justin Trudeau,
the Pope, President Biden, Jane Fonda, Obama, Al Gore, Angela
Merkel, Kamala Harris, Liz Warren, Mayor Pete, Bernie, Stephen
Colbert, Tim Cook, etc., enter doing the congo line. They bow.
We’re stealing the big Republican terrific congo line entrance
at their inspiring, ‘Lock her up!’ debate. ‘The Idiot’ should’ve
been the one to have gotten to wave the flag.

They’re followed by a shorter congo line comprising George

Clooney, Matt Damon and Jack Black. The first two deep bow,
but Jack’s smoking a H2ope joint and air drumming to the beat.
Dan dun da, dan dun da, de ‘dle du da.
Dan dun da, dan dun da, de ‘dle du da.
Then Jeff Skoll, David Linde, the British Royals, Princess
Caroline, Bill Maher, Stormy Daniels, Steve Kornacki, Rachel
Maddow, Elon Musk, Mark Zuckerberg, Michael Moore, John
Oliver, tons of musicians, sports stars and lots of good guy
billionaire donors all congo to the delight of the Toronto crowd.
I don’t think I’ll stick around. My next lease payment is due
over at Boeing and if I rush, I can toss them the keys and save a
fortune. Plus the legless kid in the rickety wheelchair wants a
ride. He wants to do a Skydome ‘Fly-Over.’ He’s been signed
there’ll be a fireworks display and he doesn’t want to miss that.
Then I think I’ll head home. I’ll miss my cheapo small town
next to the Andaman Sea, my morning Latte, my runs along the
beach and riding my scooter. I’ll be sick of traveling. I think I’ll
write, but I’ll stay in touch with the company. There’ll be lots to
do.

I’ll be slumming it.

Reader, are you grasping what’s going on here? This is the
H2ope Revolution. These locomotives of change don’t come
along too often. George Orwell was wrong on two counts.
Horror didn’t happen in 1984 and it was never Big Brother that
was coming. And Big Brother was never going to be Trump. For
a while there, it looked like he was. But no! It was H2ope. And
it’s coming in the 21st century. So let’s do this. Let’s change the
world. Let’s learn from history. Let’s not repeat the mistakes of
the past. Let H2ope into your hearts. It’s already in mine.
To all you skeptics out there, what you’ve just read is a
vision. I’m using my imagination. Have to. I’m gazing into the
future. And I don’t really care what you think. If you can’t see
those common sense dots connecting that’s not my problem.
Yeah, I know. We live in a show me - don’t tell me world. I’ll try
to show you, but if nobody helps, including Al Gore - well, I’ve
always got my books. The millennials will buy them and they’ll
cry when they read that the billionaires and we boomers let
them down once again. But I’ll do just fine.
Will you? Will your grandchildren? Will New York and Miami
one day be underwater? Will Climate Change bankrupt the
millennials? Will Climate Change wars break out and rage all
over the planet? Will Climate Change refugees be pouring into
your neighbourhood and attacking you to get desperately
needed food and water? Starving, thirsty, desperate people
don’t care how many guns you own. They may care how much
ammo you have, but they’ll just keep coming. You’ll eventually
have to reload and when you do, they’ll kill ‘ya. They want your
food and water.
So I kinda think these roaming hoards pose a greater threat
to all of us than the miniscule one we all face by standing next
to a homegrown suicide bomber just before he screams, ‘Allah
Akbar!’
Sure, I’m exaggerating. But I want you to think, because
that’s not one of mankind’s better known traits. You may be
too skeptical to imagine that apocalyptic future, but you might
accept the fact that if nobody in a position of power helps me,
then this book will soon be powering its way around the world
with its call for violent revolution. I’m not going to get killed.
My bodyguards will have ‘shoot-to-kill’ orders. James Bond had
‘shoot-to-kill’ orders and he’s from Winnipeg. You scoff, but
you’ll learn when you read my next book A Winnipeg Outcast.

I can convince Justin to provide my bodyguards with similar

‘shoot-to-kill’ orders. Trump’s created a power vacuum. Nature
abhors a vacuum. Socialist Canada is rushing into the damn
thing. We’re right next door. We have no choice.
But now we can ask that your huge US military industrial
complex gets scaled back. In your country’s greatest time of
need, it was ordered to stand down. WTF? Trump berated
NATO for not contributing enough to that bloated nonsense.
‘Let’s invade Grenada!’ Enough what? The God damn thing is
already larger than all the world’s militaries combined and I
don’t recall the US winning too many wars. (The Civil War
ended in a draw.) It’s one of the pillars of the Republican’s ‘Big
Plan.’ That money pours into the red states. So stop it!
 Divert that God damn cash and provide free health care.
Take the jackboot off your student’s crushing debt. The
Washington Post just today had a tip. ‘Hey students! Want out
from under that crippling debt? Declare bankruptcy! You’ll
never own a home, but you’ll be rid of the boulder on your
shoulder.’ Sure we need to defend ourselves from our foes, but
have you ever heard of the word ‘overkill?’ The Iraqi’s have.
Get your shit together guys. Women, progressives, soldiers,
veterans, millennials, students, gays - make sure you all vote in
2020. And stop buying into the, ‘socialism is evil’ dog whistle.
Even Republicans who hate Trump have bought into that big lie.
Here’s what socialism isn’t. It isn’t arriving at LAX, a third world
dump where your plane circles endlessly trying to find an open
gate. Canada and Asia have gorgeous airports. I suspect the US
has gorgeous private airports. The rich don’t go to LAX, but you,
the ‘I hate socialism guy’ goes to LAX and all the other third
world US airports. Face it. Your country is rampant with poverty
and many of you live in a heroin addicted dump.
Americans, you can’t scream at me, ‘Love it, or leave it!’ I’m
not an American. I’ve just been watching. Have been for years.
Brad Pitt summed it up best in his movie Killing Them Softly.
‘I’m living in America and in America you’re on your own.
America’s not a country. It’s a business. Now fucking pay me!’
Americans, you’re being played. You’re the laughing stock of
the world. You’re not exceptional. And that’s not just me who
thinks that. Check out Stephen Colbert’s video clips of Russian
and German news presenters burst out laughing reporting on a
US news story. Even in Russia, they laugh at their own highly
placed useful idiot. They can’t believe how gullible the
Deplorables were. The Russkies have a tad bit more street
smarts. They’ve been worked over for decades. They would
never have fallen for an old granny’s dodgy emails.
 Republican’s if you don’t want to pay tax, because you’re not
too keen on your fellow Americans benefitting equally to new
infrastructure, then just move to Manila. Nobody pays taxes
there. They long ago drowned the government in their bathtub.
They don’t have any infrastructure. A GOP paradise.
Change your mindset. Soon H2ope is going to be steaming
full speed ahead armed with maybe over $200 billion, (a lot of
it in cash) whacking greed wherever it rears its ugly head.
However our rear flank is exposed. Moscow Mitch and Paul
Ryan will meet in the same DC bar and try to come up with a
plan to crush H2ope, just like they wanted to make sure the
Kenyan, ‘the Audacity of H2ope Black imposter’ would be a one-
term President.

Boy, I dislike these guys.

 Well, they failed then. We must make sure they fail again.
Evil is lurking! The smell of sulphur is everywhere. Lucifer is on
the loose! So beware. Vote those Republican bastards out!
Their base can’t read this book. They don’t know how. That’s a
huge advantage.
Yet don’t despair. America is still a great country. You’re the
only one pushing the envelope. I thought you’d crossed a line
when women’s roller derby hit the airwaves. I’m watching,
‘Skinny Minnie’ Miller ‘elbow slam’ her way past babes left and
right. I was hooked in minutes. Doubt that would’ve first
appeared on Swiss TV.

This book is going to anger maybe 30 million Americans, plus

that Black guy who stands behind Trump at his rallies, but that’s
only 0.004% of the world’s population. (Too bad, because those
Americans are likely obese and would be really big buyers of
H2ope food products. Oh, well.) So I don’t really care about
them. We’re going to be having a hard enough time as it is,
meeting global demand.
 However, if the violent revolution has to occur, I’ll be out
there agitating all the believers. I’ll be like Earnest Defarge, the
owner of the Paris wine shop during the French Revolution and
the leader of the Jacquerie, (a roving band of French peasants)
that Dickens so brilliantly portrayed in his great book A Tale of
Two Cities. Off with their heads!
It’s now or never people. The H2ope Revolution is our last
chance. There’s nothing else out there on the horizon. This is it.
Seize the day, or the Climate Change hoards may seize you.

Can’t you just hear his Boston accent racing through your
brain as he thunders out that brilliant quote? I sure can. Oh,
Republicans. Why’d you have to kill him? Allegedly. Please
don’t kill me. It’ll just cause more concerts to be organized.
There my remains will be placed in a coffin, ‘Fit for a King.’ Al
Pacino will stand behind it and he’ll have to start screaming,
‘This warrior….’ and it’ll just usher in another $25 billion into
The H2ope Corporation coffers. Is that what you want?
I don’t. I want to die like Bing Crosby died. I want to take a
big swing, fly a golf ball out of a high lipped sand trap, hole the
putt, walk up onto the 18th green and as I bend over to collect
the ball, I drop dead. And way up high near ‘The Big Guy,’ Arni
Palmer will high five somebody. Probably Bing.
“Did you know I taught him that?” (It’s true. It’s all true. I
met Arni in Hawaii. He gave me a pitching wedge lesson.)
“Yup. I read A Winnipeg Outcast.” says Bing.

Both were legends.

You’re probably thinking I’m a raging egotist. I’m not. I’ll
never show up at the Concerts for H2ope. There’s never going
to be a leased Dreamliner. I’m not going to learn how to play
the saxophone. I won’t show up at the Première. And I’ll never
go to the Academy Awards. I’ll be on the run.
Reader, all my upcoming books are like this and if you
haven’t been offended, my next book A Winnipeg Outcast is
when you start learning how all this came about. It’s all true.
Everything can be fact-checked.
Plus I don’t care about dying. I’m 64. My life has been
miserable. Every greedy bastard I’ve ever met has stabbed me
in the back. My Uncle Hugh, (who I never met) died when he
was just 22. He was ripped to shreds running towards an
onslaught of incoming machine gun fire on the beach at
Dieppe.

I’d have loved to have met you.

He didn’t stand a chance. At least I’ve got a fighting chance
of not being found. Plus Uncle Hugh lived in the biggest
mansion in Canada. They had Rolls Royce’s, chauffeurs, French
maids - the works. He answered the call of duty. He kept you
safe. He didn’t bail because he had bone spurs in some
forgotten foot. I’m fighting a one man battle trying to save the
planet. This is what good people do.

You’ll soon learn that I come from the most prominent

family in all of Canada, but we we’re never greedy bastards.
Okay one was, but he basically built Canada. Sir Hugh Allan
owned all the sailing ships that brought all the immigrants from
Europe to Canada. So he populated the country.
 Then he built the biggest mansion in Canada. The ballroom
could house 600 guests. We donated it to McGill University and
that little hut located on Montreal’s Golden Mile is considered
as the largest endowment gift in McGill’s history. Then along
came the CIA and infiltrated the basement of that lean-to and
created their first torture Black Site. Oh, the fucking bastards!

The CBC did a documentary on this sordid affair.

Sir Hugh then founded BMO, now the 42nd largest bank in
the world and he started building the Canadian Pacific Railway
and finally ended up as one of the world’s richest men. You
can’t do that without doing a little competitor elbow slamming.
 Sir Hugh Allan was probably friends with the Rothschild’s.
What’s the point of having all that money, if the planet’s
screwed? How about $200 billion guys? It’s pocket lint. You’re
in banking. You’re not subject to disruption. We need to meet
these people. They may remember Sir Hugh. They might bite.
Anyway, Sir Hugh’s money is all gone. Previous generations
lived like kings. The Rolls Royce’s, chauffeurs, French maids – I
don’t have any of that. I’m basically broke. I’m going to need
money soon. It doesn’t cost much to hide in Thailand. I’ll get
some one room dump with good wifi.
I learned a lot from Edward Snowden. I’ve read all his books
about how to protect your online privacy. But boy did he get
left out to dry. Nobody took any protective measures. Edward
was a rookie in this high stakes espionage game. He knew he
had to run. American’s hate their own when they spill the
beans about their dirty underhanded dastardly deeds.
So Edward flies to Hong Kong and reporters started filming
him, but they take no precautions to hide the location of the
hotel room they were staying. You know, like hang a white
sheet against the wall. I even recognized that hotel room. I’ve
been to Hong Kong a lot.
 Nobody had an exit strategy. No one had read any Bond
books. Instead they winged it and rushed to the airport to catch
a flight. Ed wanted to head to Ecuador, but was stopped in
Moscow and the rest is history.

And eventually Vice President Al Gore will read this Big Idea.
Mr. Gore, if you’re reading this – most people aren’t that smart.
But you know that. You were thrown to the curb and we got
the Iraq war. Your Presidential rival invaded the wrong country.
Then they elected the bat shit crazy ‘Idiot’ - Donald Trump, the
head of a soon to be RICO convicted crime family. Mr. Gore,
many people thought you didn’t want to know about this, but I
know you do. You want to look at every fascinating idea that
has the potential to help reduce our seemingly insatiable need
to burn hydrocarbons, which we don’t need to burn if we divert
$ billions to install renewable energy kit. But governments
won’t. Now the people can get involved by merely switching
the brand of frozen peas they buy. Nobody saw those dots
connect. Hard to believe!
Mr. Gore, there’s never going to be a better solution than
my Big Idea to help achieve that desperately needed outcome.
My idea leads to the growth of a massive perpetual money
tree. Not some stupid charity where the money goes to some
useless concern and eventually gets spent.
Are people too stupid to not realize that when the Jolly
Green Giant falls down in the forest - that’s the sound of H2ope
coming to a cruel world, because we give our customers a free
weekly chance to win a US$ 1 million and the profits go to fight
Climate Change? The Jolly Green Giant never gave you
anything but peas, which was given to us by Mother Nature.

This is a people powered consumer led revolution. And

Trump can’t stop it. Its simplicity can be easily understood by
watching an entertaining movie that your good friend Jeff Skoll
gets to make. He’s bleeding money. He needs a hit record. And
the whole idea can scale to massive size very quickly. And once
H2ope sweeps across the planet, it can never be whacked. No
one will lust after our profits, because there are none. We give
them all away to install solar panels, Tesla wall mounted
batteries, wind mills, unleash the power of tides, etc.
And Mr. Gore, I’m pretty sure you knew my Uncle Hammy
Fish. He was a congressman from New York City. I bet you guys
pounded beers back in the day. He drank like a Fish! He’d have
called you, but he passed away. I never get any luck. Neither
did Uncle Hammy. He’s sleeping with the Fishes.
And I know there are hurdles to overcome. The world wants
change, but the greedy bastards don’t. They’ll fight back, but
they will lose. We are now in the age of disruption and I can’t
think of one industry that was targeted for disruption that was
able to successfully fight off its potent adversarial disruptor.
But like every business endeavour I’ve ever embarked on,
raising the needed money is always the greatest challenge. I
think the financing is a slam dunk. Easiest sale of my life.

When we get this idea to Al Gore I’m confident he will start

making calls. I think Hollywood and Apple will be open minded
to this opportunity and will encourage Warren Buffett to get
involved. Everyone wins if Warren does. Plus Warren cares
about his reputation. He’s got a big decision to make here. The
wrong decision will stain his impeccable reputation. I’m sorry to
put him in this position, but I’m just the messenger. In fact, the
only calls I can see that would be urging Warren not to back
H2ope is the frantic calls he’d be getting from Bill Gates and
Wall Street. Can’t see those appeals as being overly persuasive.
Then when Warren’s in, we announce this:
The H2ope Corporation Raises $140 Billion.
H2ope has shattered Alibaba’s previous IPO record of $25
billion. This new company will be producing and marketing a
vast array of consumer products with all profits from their sale
being used to fund promising renewable energy projects
around the globe. A new front in the fight to roll back the
harmful effects of Climate Change has now been launched.
Wall Street’s fucked. As are a number of soon to be
disrupted corporate goliaths. Warren’s decision has wreaked
havoc on the old order of greedy capitalism. A fitting end to
Warren’s sterling legacy. He gets to give the finger to the very
industry he’s had to navigate all his life. An industry riddled
with greed, corruption and hype. And I suspect navigating that
cesspool was a constant headache for him.
And never feel sorry for Wall Street. They can’t complain.
We’re not under even SEC jurisdiction. We’re a private
company. We’re owned by all the people of the world. You own
The H2ope Corporation. The polar bears own it. The trees, the
oceans and the peregrine falcons own it. We all own it. I don’t
want a dime. I’ll make my money from the sale of my books.

But as I begin discussions with the early good guy billionaires

I know I’ll be inundated with mostly irrelevant concerns that
are usually foremost in the minds of business people who are
about to make a big investment. They’ll want to know things
like - have I done my due diligence on the cost of building a
potato chip factory? Or do I know what my packaging and
distribution costs will be for potentially 300 Mother Nature
products? The answer is no. How could I? I’m broke.
But those are the wrong questions to ask. There is only one
question to ask. And that question is; ‘If we give you enough
money to build, or buy on the cheap - existing potato chip
factories strategically located around the world, can you be
confident that you can sell every potato chip bag those factories
can produce if those factories are operating flat out, 24 hours a
day, 365 days a year?’
The answer to that question - is an unequivocal YES!
We can sell every bag of H2ope potato chips that we can ever
possibly make, because after the movie has been watched by
the world, every consumer will know they will get 2.28 free
CLIPs for each H2ope potato chip bag they buy and that the
profits will go to wean the world off of oil. Every person I’ve
ever met wants free lottery tickets. Can’t recall anyone telling
me they like pollution. ‘There’s too few lumps of shit floating off
of my dock. I love swimming amongst massive lumps of shit.’
Nope, I’ve never heard anyone ever say that. H2ope customers
will be the most brand loyal consumers ever. Duh!
Of course, the H2ope CLIP jackpot should be at least $30
million per week and in the early days we can subsidize it. And
one day we’re going to be selling maybe 300 Mother Nature
products in at least 60 countries and then I believe that weekly
jackpot will likely exceed $80 million. If it rolls over a few times
– look out! Black Monday riots will break out everywhere as
people scramble to buy H2ope products. Duh!
So who cares what the cost of production is? It won’t be any
more than the cost of production of Lays potato chips. In fact, I
predict that eventually Pepsi will jettison their Lays division,
and we’ll buy it on the cheap and they can just concentrate on
their brutal cola wars. Ew. That’s no fun.
 Speaking of fun. Three years ago I went to buy a pair of eye
glasses in Winnipeg. Winnipeg’s fun. The cheapest pair was
$500. I can buy that same pair of eye glasses in Thailand for
$40. I smell a rip-off! I’m going to whack eye glasses real fast.
We’ll soon own all of that huge North American industry. Same
shit’s probably going on over in Europe. And reader, you didn’t
think eyewear came from Mother Nature. Let’s whack Bic pens.
So when I approach the early good guy billionaire donors, I’ll
bat away their usual business concerns. They’re not relevant.
Some very brave investors gave Elon Musk $13 billion to go
build the most advanced cars in the largest factory in the world
and Elon knew nothing about building cars. Whoa, talk about
rolling the dice. We’re going to be making peanut butter. No
dice rolling required.

‘Come on dice! Momma needs a new dress.’

 Please don’t interpret humour as having a syphilitic brain.
I’m not crazy. Passion and humour sells ideas. So I’ll raise
money from many good guy billionaires. And I’ll insist that high
powered celebrities come with me. ‘Sorry Murph. I’m going to a
Six Flags amusement park in Gurnee, Illinois with my two month
old child. I can’t possibly be there when you pitch Zuckerberg.’
Too bad Don Rickles died. He’d have screamed at Zuckerberg,
‘What are you? A hockey puck. Just sign that damn thing
already. Bob Newhart wants to go play tennis with me.’

We miss you Don. I saw you live on Johnny Carson in LA.

I laughed my dick off. And I never found it.
And once Mark Zuckerberg ($72 billion) signs his $7 billion
donor pledge he’ll go straight into the make-up room where
some gal will flutter about his face, then he’ll walk out onto a
movie set and listen to Matt Damon, Jack Black and George
Clooney make the worst sales pitch in business history. When
that’s finished, Howie Mandel will ankle wobble into the room
wearing white figure skates and scream at Mark: ‘DEAL. OR NO
DEAL!’ Then Mark yells DEAL! Jack Black high fives Matt Damon
but misses and falls to the floor and the Director yells, ‘That’s a
take! Who’s the next lucky rich guy?’
 ‘How much did Putin ‘I’d rather work at The H2ope Corporation.
pay you?’ Who needs this shit?’
And of course Mark will sign that damn donor pledge. His
first movie was ‘The Social Network.’ In that disaster he was
portrayed as the guy who stole the Facebook idea from the
Winklevoss twins and that great PR was followed by the world
watching him sweat bullets being yelled at by angry Senators
because he caused ‘The Idiot’ to get elected. And now Putin is
calling the shots in Washington.
So I think Mark will want to be in H2ope, Dope and the Pope.
He’s got no choice. Bono made $1 billion by owning Facebook’s
IPO shares and he was never sweating bullets in front of
screaming Senators. It’s a cruel world.
An assembly line of good guy billionaires going from the
make-up chair to a slightly changed luxurious office setting,
where Matt Damon, Jack Black and George Clooney have
undergone a quick wardrobe change and when that next good
guy billionaire screams ‘DEAL!’ he instantly eliminates all the
horrific behaviour that he’s been engaged in throughout his
greedy capitalist career and he immediately enters cinematic
history. A film that will be watched by every future generation
that follows. Good guy immortality. Trump will be furious. In his
big movie he gets to scream, ‘GUILTY!’
 Michael is in jail. Rudy and the ‘Idiot’ soon will be.
So billionaires don’t ask me about raspberry jam. I haven’t a
clue. I’m sure we can find some kids who know everything
about raspberry jam and they can run that division.

Me, I’ll be making amusing videos in my heavily guarded

narco drug lord compound in Thailand, inspiring all present and
future H2ope staff to work hard, never be greedy, use their
brain and be confident I won’t steal from their pension plan.
I’m not greedy. I will never ask H2ope staff to create hidden
bank accounts like Wells Fargo did, so they could rack up
greater fees and then proudly tell that Beast of Greed,
otherwise known as Wall Street that earnings are going through
the roof. Buy you greedy bastards – buy!

John Stumpf is a Beast of Greed!

Wife whack your hand catching you stealing from her purse?
Warren Buffett owns $23 billion of Wells Fargo stock.
Come on Warren! Let’s stop rewarding greed.
It’s time for H2ope.

The End
(Bit more………….)
 Author’s Note
A number of readers must be thinking, ‘Whoa! Murph, your
humour and profanity are undermining your cause. No one will
take you seriously.’ Fair enough, but let me respond:
 Like the message. Don’t hate the messenger;
 Passion and humour sells ideas;
 I don’t really care if people ignore this wonderful
idea. We don’t have kids, but I suspect you do;
 And of course The Big Idea can happen. If Warren
Buffett says ‘YES’, then it’s done. People all over
the world will buy H2ope products. We all want
free US$1 million CLIPs. Climate Change threatens
everyone. Together we can do this.
But it’s difficult to get people to read books. So you have to
get creative. My CLIPs and amusing photos help. No one else
has done that before. And if the greedy bastards put up all
kinds of obstacles to crush H2ope, then I’ll just slip into fiction.
 I’ll let my imagination run wild. I plan to take you into the
meetings when I pitch the good guy billionaires. Those who I
decide will be reluctant will experience my wrath. What are
they going to do? Sue me. It just attracts greater attention to
their being approached. (They can always announce that if they
ever do get asked to donate – they’ll consider it.) Plus these
famous people are all public figures. They’re legally fair game.
Other books will have me roving around the world like Luke
Skywalker, but instead of being powered by The Force, (which
doesn’t exist), I’ll be driven by H2ope (which does exist – it’s a
powerful human emotion.) I’ll use the many photos of Matt
Damon posted up on the internet to portray my courageous
adventures. I’ll be Jason Bourne hunting greedy bastards. I
think Matt Damon will be rather pleased. He cares. And he’s
not Jason Bourne. I am. Who’s the one hiding somewhere in
the world pumping out dangerous truth to power books that
promote my Big Idea? It’s not Matt Damon. He’s not being
hunted by Pepsi’s greedy management. No, it’s me.

Pussy.
And of course there will be a movie. Even if the billionaires
don’t want to get involved, Hollywood finally has the story it’s
been looking for. Think about it. Many movies are about heroes
fighting greedy bastards. The Bond franchise. Robin Hood. Wall
Street. The Matrix. “Neo, we are slaves to greed. Only the
Matrix knows the truth. I am Morpheus. Take this red pill and
you can fight the evil corporate bastards.” Then an absurd CGI
spectacle of Neo defeating greed follows. Totally unbelievable.
And the fans ate it up. I think David Linde will recognize that
he’s sitting on a bombshell franchise. Movies with a plan.
Justin Trudeau says to me, “Murph, we are slaves to greed.”
“I know Justin. So let’s realign greed and take it away from
the greedy corporate bastards and give it to the consumer. That
should do the trick. Like Elizabeth Warren, I too have a plan.”

“Brilliant Murph! I’ll make sure Canada is the incubator

nation. And it won’t cost my government a dime. Damn, I’ll be
the visionary world leader in our frantic fight to combat Climate
Change. A landslide re-election. Why didn’t I think of this?”
“Maybe because you don’t have an MBA.”
And Winnipeg and Kenora will be the location shoots for the
many movies that follow. Not to mention the numerous HBO2
TV series and CBC spots that will flood the airways. Me, I’ll be
hiding pumping out more truth to power books. I’m sitting on a
lucrative book franchise here. Once big money CLIP winners
start getting announced, sales should take off…………..
Readers are likely wondering, ‘Who is Murph?’
This book tells you.
It’s the story of my life.
I’m A Winnipeg Outcast.
But am I a failure or a victim of betrayal?
Read this book and you decide.

Available Now.