What is bullying?
Bullying is repeated aggressive behavior that can be physical, verbal, or
relational, in-person or online. Bullies are often relentless, bullying over and over
again for long periods of time. You may live in constant fear of where and when
the bully will strike next, what they’ll do, and how far they’ll go.
Physical bullying – includes hitting, kicking, or pushing you (or even just
threatening to do so), as well as stealing, hiding, or ruining your things, and
hazing, harassment, or humiliation.
Verbal bullying – includes name-calling, teasing, taunting, insulting, or
otherwise verbally abusing you.
Relationship bullying – includes refusing to talk to you, excluding you from
groups or activities, spreading lies or rumors about you, making you do things
you don’t want to do.
Boys frequently bully using physical threats and actions, while girls are more
likely to engage in verbal or relationship bullying. But no type of bullying should
ever be tolerated.
What is cyberbullying?
Technology means that bullying is no longer limited to schoolyards or street
corners. Cyberbullying can occur anywhere, even at home, via smartphones,
emails, texts, and social media, 24 hours a day, with potentially hundreds of
people involved. Cyberbullies use digital technology to harass, threaten, or
humiliate you. Unlike traditional bullying, cyberbullying doesn’t require face-to-
face contact and isn’t limited to just a handful of witnesses at a time. It also
doesn’t require physical power or strength in numbers.
Cyberbullies come in all shapes and sizes—almost anyone with an Internet
connection or mobile phone can cyberbully someone else, often without having
to reveal their true identity.
Cyberbullies can torment you 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and the
bullying can follow you anywhere so that no place, not even home, ever feels
safe. And with a few clicks the humiliation can be witnessed by hundreds or even
thousands of people online.
The methods kids and teens use to cyberbully can be as varied and
imaginative as the technology they have access to. they might range from
sending threatening or taunting messages via email, text, social media, or IM, to
breaking into your email account or stealing your online identity to hurt and
humiliate you. Some cyberbullies may even create a website or social media
page to target you.
As with face-to-face bullying, both boys and girls cyberbully, but tend to do so in
different ways. Boys tend to bully by “sexting” (sending messages of a sexual
nature) or with messages that threaten physical harm. Girls, on the other hand,
more commonly cyberbully by spreading lies and rumors, exposing your secrets,
or by excluding you from social media groups, emails, buddy lists and the like.
Because cyberbullying is so easy to perpetrate, a child or teen can easily change
roles, going from cyberbullying victim at one point to cyberbully the next, and
then back again.
The effects of bullying and cyberbullying
Whether you’re being targeted by bullies or cyberbullies, the results are similar:
You’re made to feel hurt, angry, afraid, helpless, hopeless, isolated, ashamed,
and even guilty that the bullying is somehow your fault. You may even feel
suicidal.
Your physical health is likely to suffer, and you are at a greater risk of
developing mental health problems such as depression, low self-esteem, anxiety,
or adult onset PTSD.
You’re more likely to miss, skip, or drop out of school to avoid being bullied.
In many cases, cyberbullying can be even more painful than face-to-face bullying
because:
Cyberbullying can happen anywhere, at any time. You may experience it
even in places where you’d normally feel safe, such as your home, and at times
when you’d least expect it, like during the weekend in the company of your
family. It can seem like there’s no escape from the taunting and humiliation.
A lot of cyberbullying can be done anonymously, so you may not be sure
who is targeting you. This can make you feel even more threatened and can
embolden bullies, as they believe online anonymity means they’re less likely to
get caught. Since cyberbullies can’t see your reaction, they will often go much
further in their harassment or ridicule than they would if they were face-to-face
with you.
Cyberbullying can be witnessed by potentially thousands of people. Emails
can be forwarded to many, many people while social media posts or website
comments can often be seen by anyone. The more far-reaching the bullying, the
more humiliating it can become.
Bullying and Suicide
If bullying or cyberbullying leads to you, or someone you know, feeling suicidal,
please call 1-800-273-8255 in the U.S., or visit IASP or Suicide.org to find a
helpline in your country.
Why am I being bullied?
While there are many reasons why bullies may be targeting you, bullies tend to
pick on people who are “different” or don’t fit in with the mainstream. While your
individualism is something that you will celebrate later in life, it can seem like a
curse when you’re young and trying to fit in. Perhaps you dress or act differently,
or maybe your race, religion, or sexual orientation sets you apart. It may simply
be that you’re new to the school or neighborhood and haven’t made friends yet.
Other reasons why kids bully:
To make themselves popular or to gain attention.
Because they’re jealous of you.
To look tough or feel powerful.
Because they’re being bullied themselves.
To escape their own problems.
Whatever the reasons for you being targeted, it’s important to remember that
you’re not alone. Many of us have been bullied at some point in our lives. In fact,
about 25 percent of kids experience bullying, and as many as one third of
teenagers suffer from cyberbullying at some point. But you don’t have to put up
with it. There are plenty of people who can help you overcome the problem,
retain your dignity, and preserve your sense of self.
How to deal with a bully
There is no simple solution to bullying or cyberbullying, or a foolproof way to
handle a bully. But since bullying or cyberbullying is rarely limited to one or two
incidents—it’s far more likely to be a sustained attack over a period of time—like
the bully, you may have to be relentless in reporting each and every bullying
incident until it stops. Remember: there is no reason for you to ever put up with
any kind of bullying.
Don’t blame yourself. It is not your fault. No matter what a bully says or does,
you should not be ashamed of who you are or what you feel. The bully is the
person with the problem, not you.
Try to view bullying from a different perspective. The bully is an unhappy,
frustrated person who wants to have control over your feelings so that you feel as
badly as they do. Don’t give them the satisfaction.
Don’t beat yourself up. Don’t make a bullying incident worse by dwelling on it or
reading cyberbullying messages over and over. Instead, delete any messages
and focus on the positive experiences in your life. There are many wonderful
things about you so be proud of who you are.
Learn to manage stress. Finding healthy ways to relieve the stress generated
by bullying can make you more resilient so you won’t feel overwhelmed by
negative experiences. Exercise, meditation, positive self-talk, muscle relaxation,
and breathing exercises are all good ways to cope with the stress of bullying.
Spend time doing things you enjoy. The more time you spend with activities
that bring you pleasure—sports, hobbies, hanging out with friends who don’t
participate in bullying, for example—the less significance bullying or
cyberbullying will have on your life.
Find support from those who don’t bully
When you’re being bullied, having trusted people you can turn to for
encouragement and support will ease your stress and boost your self-esteem
and resilience. Talk to a parent, teacher, counselor, or other trusted adult—it
doesn’t mean that you’re weak or there’s something wrong with you. And reach
out to connect with real friends (those who don’t participate in any kind of
bullying). If you’re new to a school or neighborhood, or don’t feel that you have
anyone to turn to, there are lots of ways to make new friends. It may not always
seem like it, but there are plenty of people who will love and appreciate you for
who you are.
Unplug from technology. Taking a break from your smartphone, computer,
tablet, and video games can open you up to meeting new people.
Find others who share your same values and interests. You may be able to
make friends at a youth group, book club, or religious organization. Learn a new
sport, join a team, or take up a new hobby such as chess, art, or music.
Or volunteer your time—helping others is a great way to feel better about
yourself and expand your social network.
Share your feelings about bullying. Talk to a parent, counselor, coach,
religious leader, or trusted friend. Expressing what you’re going through can
make a huge difference in the way you feel, even if it doesn’t change the
situation.
Boost your confidence. Exercise is a great way to boost your self-esteem and
reduce stress. Go for a run or take a kick boxing class to work off your anger in a
healthy way.
Tips for dealing with cyberbullying
Dealing with cyberbullying is rarely easy, but there are steps you can take to
cope with the problem. To start, it may be a good time to reassess your
technology use. Spending less time on social media or checking texts and
emails, for example, and more time interacting with real people, can help you
distance yourself from online bullies. It can also help to reduce anxiety,
depression, and feelings of loneliness.
As well as seeking support, managing stress, and spending time with people and
activities that bring you pleasure, the following tips can help:
Don’t respond to any messages or posts written about you, no matter how
hurtful or untrue. Responding will only make the situation worse and provoking a
reaction from you is exactly what the cyberbullies want, so don’t give them the
satisfaction.
Don’t seek revenge on a cyberbully by becoming a cyberbully yourself. Again, it
will only make the problem worse and could result in serious legal consequences
for you. If you wouldn’t say it in person, don’t say it online.
Save the evidence of the cyberbullying, keep abusive text messages or a
screenshot of a webpage, for example, and then report them to a trusted adult. If
you don’t report incidents, the cyberbully will often become more aggressive.
Report threats of harm and inappropriate sexual messages to the police. In
many cases, the cyberbully’s actions can be prosecuted by law.
Prevent communication from the cyberbully, by blocking their email address,
cell phone number, and deleting them from social media contacts. Report their
activities to their Internet service provider (ISP) or to any social media or other
websites they use to target you. The cyberbully’s actions may constitute a
violation of the website’s terms of service or, depending on the laws in your area,
may even warrant criminal charges.
Tips for parents and teachers to stop bullying or
cyberbullying
No matter how much pain it causes, kids are often reluctant to tell parents or
teachers about bullying because they feel a sense of shame from being
victimized. In the case of cyberbullying, they may also fea
