from The New Yorker

August 17, 1998

ANNALS OF BEHAVIOR

Do Parents Matter?

Judith Rich Harris and child development

by Malcolm Gladwell

1. agers rebel against being teen- Why, for example, do the

agers, against the restrictions children of recent
The idea that will make imposed on them by adults. immigrants almost never
Judith Rich Harris famous They smoke because only retain the accents of their
came to her, unbidden, on adults are supposed to smoke. parents? How is it that the
the afternoon of January 20, They steal cars because they children of deaf parents
1994. At the time, Harris are too young to have cars. manage to learn how to
was a textbook writer, with But Harris was suddenly speak as well as children
no doctorate or academic convinced that the paper had whose parents speak to
affiliation, working from her it backward. "Adolescents them from the day they were
home in suburban New aren't trying to be like adults-- born? The answer has
Jersey. Because of a lupus- they are trying to contrast always been that language is
like illness, she doesn't have themselves with adults," she a skill acquired laterally--
the strength to leave the explains. "And it was as if a that what children pick up
house, and she'd spent that light had gone on in the sky. It from other children is at
morning in bed. By early was one of the most exciting least as important as what
afternoon, though, she was things that have ever they pick up at home. Harris
at her desk, glancing happened to me. In a minute was asking whether this was
through a paper by a or two, I had the germ of the true more generally: what if
prominent psychologist theory, and in ten minutes I children also learn the
about juvenile delinquency, had enough of it to see that it things that make them who
and for some reason a was important." they are--that shape their
couple of unremarkable characters and
sentences struck her as odd: If adolescents didn't want to personalities--from their
"Delinquency must be a be like adults, it was because peer group? This would
social behavior that allows they wanted to be like other mean that, in some key
access to some desirable adolescents. Children were sense, parents don't much
resource. I suggest that the identifying with and learning matter--that what's
resource is mature status, from other children, and important is not what
with its consequent power Harris realized that once you children learn inside the
and privilege." It is an granted that fact all the home but what they learn
observation consistent with conventional wisdom about outside the home.
our ideas about what it parents and family and child-
means to grow up. Teen- rearing started to unravel.
"I was sitting and thinking," interlibrary loan and sent for autoimmune disorder began
Harris told me, looking reprints of scientific articles to attack her heart and
bright-eyed as she clutched through the mail, and the lungs, and she sometimes
a tall glass of lemonade. She more she read the more she wondered how long she had
is tiny--a fragile, elfin became convinced that her to live. But, at the urging of
grandmother with a mop of theory could tie together some of her new friends in
gray hair and a little-girl many of the recent puzzling academe, she set out to write
voice. We were in her findings in behavioral genetics a book, and somehow in the
kitchen, looking out on the and developmental writing of it she became
green of her back yard. "I psychology. In six weeks, in stronger. That book, "The
told my husband, Charlie, August and September of Nurture Assumption," will
about it. I had signed a 1994, she wrote a draft and be published this fall, and it
contract to write a sent it off to the academic is a graceful, lucid, and
developmental-psychology journal Psychological Review. utterly persuasive assault on
textbook, and I wasn't quite It was an act of singular virtually every tenet of child
ready to give it up. But the audacity, because development. It begins,
more I thought about it the Psychological Review is one of "This book has two
more I realized I couldn't go the most prestigious journals purposes: first, to dissuade
on writing developmental- in psychology, and prestigious you of the notion that a
psychology textbooks, academic journals do not, as a child's personality--what
because I could no longer rule, publish the musings of used to be called 'character'-
say what my publishers stay-at-home grandmothers -is shaped or modified by
wanted me to say." Over the without Ph.D.s. But her article the child's parents; and
next six months, Harris was accepted, and in the space second, to give you an
immersed herself in the below her name, where alternative view of how the
literature of social authors typically put child's personality is
psychology and cultural "Princeton University" or shaped." On the back cover
anthropology. She read "Yale University" or "Oxford are enthusiastic blurbs from
studies of group behavior in University," Harris proudly David Lykken, of the
primates and unearthed put "Middletown, New University of Minnesota;
studies from the nineteen- Jersey." Harris listed her Robert Sapolsky, of
fifties of pre-adolescent CompuServe address in a Stanford; Dean Keith
boys. She couldn't conduct footnote, and soon she was Simonton, of the University
any experiments of her own, inundated with E-mail, of California at Davis; John
because she didn't belong to because what she had to say Bruer, of the James S.
an academic institution. She was so compelling and so McDonnell Foundation; and
couldn't even use a proper surprising and, in a wholly Steven Pinker, of MIT--
academic library, because unexpected way, so sensible which, in the social-science
the closest university to her that everyone in the field business, is a bit like writing
was Rutgers, which was wanted to know more. Who a book on basketball and
forty-five minutes away, and are you? scholars asked. having it endorsed by the
she didn't have the strength Where did you come from? starting five of the Chicago
to leave her house for more Why have I never heard of you Bulls. This week, Harris will
than a few hours at a time. before? travel to San Francisco for
So she went to the local the annual convention of the
public library and ordered At this point, Harris's health American Psychological
academic texts through was not good. Her Association, where she will
receive a prize for her children instinctively and different from children who
Psychological Review article. preferentially learn from their spend eight hours a day with
parents, that parents can be their parents. A home with
"It's as if the gods were good or bad role models for lots of books should result in
making up to me all that children, that character and a different kind of child from
they had done to me personality are passed down a home with very few books.
previously," Harris told me. from one generation to the In other words, researchers
"It was the best gift I could next. Child development has should have been able to
have ever gotten: an idea. It been, in many ways, find some causal link
wasn't something that I concerned with understanding between the specific social
could have known in children through their environment parents create
advance. But, as it turned parents. for their children and the
out, it was what I wanted way those children turn out.
most in the world--an idea In recent years, however, this They haven't.
that would give a direction idea has run into a problem.
and a purpose to my life." In a series of careful and One of the largest and most
comprehensive studies rigorous studies of this kind
2. (among them the famous is known as the Colorado
Minnesota studies of twins Adoption Project. Between
Judith Harris's big idea-- separated at birth) behavioral 1975 and 1982, a group of
that peers matter much geneticists have concluded researchers at the University
more than parents--runs that about fifty per cent of the of Colorado, headed by
counter to nearly everything personality differences among Robert Plomin, one of the
that a century of psychology people--traits such as world's leading behavioral
and psychotherapy has told friendliness, extroversion, geneticists, recruited two
us about human nervousness, openness, and so hundred and forty-five
development. Freud put on--are attributable to our pregnant women from the
parents at the center of the genes, which means that the Denver area who planned to
child's universe, and there other half must be give up their children for
they have remained ever attributable to the adoption. The researchers
since. "They fuck you up, environment. Yet when then followed the children
your mum and dad. They researchers have set out to into their new homes, giving
may not mean to, but they look for this environmental them a battery of personality
do," the poet Philip Larkin influence they haven't been and intelligence tests at
memorably wrote, and that able to find it. If the example regular intervals throughout
perspective is fundamental of parents were important in a their childhood and giving
to the way we have been child's development, you'd similar tests to their
taught to understand expect to see a consistent adoptive parents. For the
ourselves. When we go to a difference between the sake of comparison, the
therapist, we talk about our children of anxious and group also ran the same set
parents, in the hope that inexperienced parents and the of tests on a control group of
coming to grips with the children of authoritative and two hundred and forty-five
events of childhood can help competent parents, even after parents and their biological
us decipher the mysteries of taking into account the children. For the latter
adulthood. When we say influence of heredity. Children group, the results were
things like "That's the way I who spend two hours a day pretty much as one might
was raised," we mean that with their parents should be expect: in intellectual ability
and certain aspects of an ever more powerful it may have taught them a
personality, the kids proved microscope on the family, good way of expressing their
to be fairly similar to their assuming that if we couldn't affection, but it may not
parents. The scores of the see the influence of parents have been what made them
adopted kids, however, had through standard nice. Or take the example of
nothing whatsoever in psychological measures it was smoking. The children of
common with the scores of because we weren't looking smokers are more than twice
their adoptive parents: these hard enough. Not looking as likely to smoke as the
children were no more hard enough wasn't the children of nonsmokers, so
similar in personality or problem. The problem was it's natural to conclude that
intellectual skills to the that psychologists weren't parents who smoke around
people who reared them, fed looking in the right place. their children set an
them, clothed them, read to They were looking inside the example that their kids
them, taught them, and home when they should have follow. In fact, a lot of
loved them all their lives been looking outside the parents who smoke feel
than they were to any two home. The answer wasn't guilty about it for that very
adults taken at random off parents; it was peers. reason. But if parents really
the street. cause smoking there ought
Harris argues that we have to be elevated rates of
Here is the puzzle. We think been in the grip of what she smoking among the adopted
that children resemble their calls the "nurture children of smokers, and
parents because of both assumption," a parent- there aren't. It turns out that
genes and the home centered bias that has blinded nicotine addiction is heavily
environment, both nature us to what really matters in influenced by genes, and the
and nurture. But, if nurture human development. reason that so many
matters even a little, why Consider, she says, the children of smokers smoke
don't the adopted kids have seemingly common-sense is that they have inherited a
at least some greater-than- statements "Children who are genetic susceptibility to
chance similarities to their hugged are more likely to be tobacco from their parents.
adoptive parents? The nice" and "Children who are David C. Rowe, a professor
Colorado study says that the beaten are more likely to be of family studies at the
only reason we are like our unpleasant." Sure enough, if University of Arizona
parents is that we share you study nice, well-adjusted (whose academic work on
their genes, and that--by any children, it turns out that they the limits of family influence
measures of cognition and generally have well-adjusted Harris says was critical to
personality--when there is and nice parents. But what her own thinking), has
no genetic inheritance there does this really mean? Since analyzed research into this
is no resemblance. genes account for about half genetic contribution, and he
of personality variations concludes that it accounts
This is the question that so among people, it's quite entirely for the elevated
preoccupied Harris on that possible that nice children are levels of cigarette use among
winter morning four and a nice simply because they the children of smokers.
half years ago. She knew received nice genes from their With smoking, as with
that most people in parents--and nice parents are niceness, what parents do
psychology had responded going to be nice to their seems to be nearly
to findings like those of the children. Hugging may have irrelevant.
Colorado project by turning made the children happy, and
Harris makes another, supposedly so important in would do better, be less
subtler point about parents. shaping personality? This depressed, be less antisocial.
What if, she asks, the cause- mother is playing two very It seemed like a no-brainer."
and-effect assumption with different roles--coaxing the It wasn't. Plomin told me, "If
niceness and hugging can frightened Mark and reining we just ask the simple
also go the other way? What in the brash Audrey--and in question 'Does differential
if, all other things being each case her behavior is parental treatment relate to
equal, nice children tend to shaped by the actions and the differences in adolescent
be hugged because they are temperament of her child, and adjustment?' the answer is
nice, and unpleasant not the other way around. yes--hugely. If you take
children tend to be beaten negative parents--conflict,
because they are This phenomenon--what hostility--it's the strongest
unpleasant? Children, after Harris calls child-to-parent predictor of negative
all, are born with individual effects--has been explored in adjustment of the siblings."
temperaments. Some detail by psychological But the study was designed
children are easy to rear researchers. David Reiss, of to look at genetic influences
from the start and others are George Washington as well--to examine whether
difficult, and those innate University, and Robert children had personality
characteristics, she says, can Plomin, the behavioral traits that were causing
strongly influence how geneticist who headed the parental behavior--and
parents treat them. Harris Colorado study, and a number when those genetic factors
tells a story about a mother of colleagues have just were taken into
with two young children--a completed a ten-year, nine- consideration the link
five-year-old girl, named million-dollar study of seven between negative parenting
Audrey, and a seven-year- hundred and twenty American and problems in adolescence
old boy, named Mark--who families. Thirty-two teams of almost entirely disappeared.
walked by Harris's house testers were recruited, and "The parents' negativity isn't
one day when she was out in they visited each family three causing the negative
the front yard with her dog, times in the course of three adjustment of the kids,"
Page. Page ran toward the years, giving parents and Plomin said. "It's reflecting
children, barking siblings personality tests, it. This was a tremendous
menacingly. Audrey went up videotaping interactions surprise to us." What looks
to the animal and asked her between parents and children, like nurture is sometimes
mother, "Can I pet him?" questioning teachers, asking just nature, and what looks
Her mother quickly told her siblings about siblings, asking like a cause is sometimes
not to. Mark, meanwhile, parents about children, asking just an effect.
was cowering on the other children about parents--all to
side of the street, and he find out whether the 3.
stayed there even after differences in how parents
Harris rushed up and relate to each of their children Harris takes this argument
grabbed Page by the collar. make any predictable one step further. Consider,
"Come on, Mark, the dog difference in the way those she says, the story of
won't hurt you," the mother children end up. "We thought Cinderella:
said, and she waited for her that this was going to be a
son to come back across the straight shot," Reiss told me. The folks who gave us this
street. What is the parenting "The sibling who got the tale ask us to accept the
"style" here that is better micro environment following premises: that
Cinderella was able to go to succeed in influencing their his mother didn't necessarily
the ball and not be children, those influences very mean that he wouldn't get
recognized by her often don't travel outside the along with his peers.
stepsisters, that despite home.
years of degradation she was In another instance, Harris
able to charm and hold the The Cinderella effect shows up cites a Swedish study of
attention of a sophisticated all the time in psychological picky eating among
guy like the prince, that the research. For example, Harris primary-school children.
prince didn't recognize her notes that in the August, 1997, Some kids were picky eaters
when he saw her again in issue of the Archives of at school, some were picky
her own home dressed in Pediatrics and Adolescent at home, but only a small
her workaday clothing, and Medicine there is a study number were picky at home
that he never doubted that showing that the more and school. A child who
Cinderella would be able to mothers spanked their kids, pushes away broccoli at the
fulfill the duties of a princess the more troublesome the kids kitchen table might gobble it
and, ultimately, of a queen. became. "When parents use down in the school cafeteria.
corporal punishment to In the same way, a child
If you think of the influence reduce antisocial behavior," might be shy and retiring at
of parents and the home the researchers report, "the home but a chatterbox in the
environment as monolithic, long-term effect tends to be classroom. Harris applies
this tale does seem the opposite." These findings the same logic to birth-order
impossibly far-fetched. So made headlines across the effects--the popular idea
why does the Cinderella country. In the same issue of that a good part of our
story work? Because, Harris that journal, however, another personality is determined by
says, all of us understand study of children and corporal where we stand in relation
that it is possible to be one punishment reached the to our siblings. "At home
person to our parents and opposite conclusion: "For there are birth order effects,
another person to our most children claims that no question about it, and I
friends. "Cinderella learned spanking teaches aggression believe that is why it's so
whenshe was still quite seem unfounded." The hard to shake people's faith
small that it was best to act disparity is baffling until you in them," Harris writes. "If
meek when her stepmother remember the Cinderella you see people with their
was around, and to look effect. The first study asked parents or their siblings, you
unattractive in order to mothers to evaluate their do see the differences you
avoid arousing her jealousy," children's behavior at home. expect to see. The oldest
Harris writes. But outside Not surprisingly, it suggested does seem more serious,
the house Cinderella learned that repeated spanking responsible, and bossy. The
that she could win friends by contributes to the kind of youngest does behave in a
being pretty and charming. negative relationship that more carefree fashion." But
Harris says that this lesson-- causes further misbehavior. that's only at home. Studies
that away from our parents The second study, however, that look at the way people
we can reconstruct asked kids how often they got act outside the home, and
ourselves--is one that all into fights at school, and the away from the parents and
children learn very quickly, world of school is a very siblings, don't see any
and it is an important different place from the world consistent effects at all. The
limitation on the power of of home. Just the fact that a younger brother cowed by
parents: even when they do child wasn't getting along with his older siblings all his
years of growing up is had been treated by peers. surprising. But when the
perfectly capable of being a Ambert concluded: researchers divided up the
dominant, take-charge black boys by neighborhood
figure when he's among his There is far more negative the effect of coming from a
friends. "Socialization treatment by peers than by putatively high-risk family
research has demonstrated parents.... In these disappeared. Black kids who
one thing clearly and autobiographies, one reads didn't live in the poorest,
irrefutably: a parent's accounts of students who had underclass neighborhoods--
behavior toward a child been happy and well adjusted, even if they were from poor,
affects how the child but quite rapidly began single-parent families--were
behaves in the presence of deteriorating psychologically, no more delinquent than
the parent or in contexts sometimes to the point of their white, mostly middle-
that are associated with the becoming physically ill and class peers. At the same
parent," Harris concludes. "I incompetent in school, after time, Harris cites another
have no problem with that-- experiences such as being large study--one that
I agree with it. The parent's rejected by peers, excluded, compared the behavior of
behavior also affects the way talked about, racially poor inner-city kids from
the child feels about the discriminated against, intact families to the
parent. When a parent laughed at, bullied, sexually behavior of those living only
favors one child over harassed, taunted, chased or with their mothers. You'd
another, not only does it beaten. assume that a child is always
cause hard feelings between better off in a two-parent
the children--it also causes This is Harris's argument in a home, but the research
the unfavored child to nutshell: that whatever our doesn't bear that out.
harbor hard feelings against parents do to us is "Adolescent males in this
the parent. These feelings overshadowed, in the long sample who lived in single-
can last a lifetime." But they run, by what our peers do to mother households did not
don't necessarily cross over us. In "The Nurture differ from youth living in
into the life the child leads Assumption,"Harris pulls other family constellations
outside the home--the place together an extraordinary in their alcohol and
where adults spend the range of studies and substance use, delinquency,
majority of their lives. observations to support this school dropout, or
idea. Here, for example, is psychological distress," the
4. Harris on delinquency. First, study concluded. A child is
she cites a study of juvenile better off, in other words,
Not long ago, Anne-Marie delinquency--vandalism, living in a troubled family in
Ambert, a sociologist at York theft, assault, weapons a good neighborhood than
University, in Ontario, asked possession, and so on--among living in a good family in a
her students to write short five hundred elementary- troubled neighborhood.
autobiographies describing, school and middle-school Peers trump parents.
among other things, the boys in Pittsburgh. The study
events in their lives which found that African-American Other studies have shown
made them most unhappy. boys, many of them from that children living without
Nine per cent identified poor, single-parent, "high- their biological fathers are
something that their parents risk" families, committed far more likely to drop out of
had done, while more than a more delinquent acts than the school and, if female, to get
third pointed to the way they white kids. That much isn't pregnant in their teens. But
is this because of the Single-parent families move moment that children first
absence of a parent, Harris more often than intact meet other children, they
asks, or is it because of some families, and, according to one take their cues from them.
factor that is merely major study, those extra
associated with the absence changes of residence could One of the researchers
of a parent? Having a account for more than half the whom Harris draws on in
stepfather around, for increased risk of dropping her peer discussion is
example, doesn't make a kid out, of teen-age pregnancy, William A. Corsaro, a
any less likely to be and of unemployment among professor of sociology at
unemployed, to drop out, or the children of divorce. The Indiana University and a
to be a teen-age mother. Nor problem with divorce, in pioneer in the ethnography
does having lots of contact short, is not so much that it of early childhood. He was
with one's biological father disrupts kids' relationships one of the first researchers
after he has left. Nor does with their parents as that it to spend months crouching
having another biological disrupts kids' relationships by swing sets and next to
relative--a grandparent, for with other kids. "Moving is monkey bars closely
instance--in the home. Nor rough on kids," Harris writes. observing the speech and
does it seem to matter when "Kids who have been moved play patterns of
the father leaves: kids whose around a lot--whether or not preschoolers. In one of his
parents split up when they they have a father--are more many playground stakeouts,
were in their early teens are likely to be rejected by their Corsaro was sitting next to a
no better off and no worse peers; they have more sandbox and watching two
off than kids whose fathers behavioral problems and four-year-old girls, Jenny
left when they were infants. more academic problems than and Betty, play house, and
And, curiously, children those who have stayed put." put sand in pots, cupcake
whose fathers die aren't pans, and teapots. Suddenly,
worse off at all. In short, 5. a third girl, Debbie,
there isn't a lot of evidence approached. Here is
that the loss of adult All these findings become less Corsaro's full description of
guidance and role models perplexing when you accept the scene:
caused by fatherlessness has one of Harris's central
specific behavioral observations; namely, that After watching for about five
consequences. So what is it? kids aren't interested in minutes [Debbie] circles the
One obvious factor is becoming copies of their sandbox three times and
income: single mothers have parents. Children want to be stops again and stands next
less money than married good at being children. How, to me. After a few more
mothers, and income has a for example, do you persuade minutes of watching, Debbie
big effect on the welfare of a preschooler to eat moves to the sandbox and
children. If your parents something new? Not by eating reaches for a teapot. Jenny
split up and you move from it yourself and hoping that takes the pot away from
Riverdale to the South your child follows suit. A Debbie and mumbles, "No."
Bronx, you're obviously preschooler doesn't care what Debbie backs away and
going to be a lot worse off-- you think. But give the food to again stands near me,
although it's not the loss of a roomful of preschoolers who observing the activity of
your father that makes the like it, and it's quite probable Jenny and Betty. Then she
difference. This brings us to that your child will happily walks over next to Betty,
another factor: relocation. follow suit. From the very
who is filling the cupcake opposite is true. A preschool invitation to join. It's the
pan with sand. playground is rather like a same at an adult cocktail
cocktail party. There are lots party. You don't come up to
Debbie watches Betty for of informal clusters of kids an existing conversation and
just a few seconds, then playing together, and the kids say, "May I join in?" You
says,"We're friends, right, are in constant movement, join the group quietly, as if
Betty?" from cluster to cluster. Unlike to demonstrate respect for
at a cocktail party, though, the the existing conversation.
Betty, not looking up at play clusters are very fragile. When Debbie goes around
Debbie, continues to place "If the phone rang right now," and around the sandbox,
sand in the pan and says, Corsaro said to me when I met she's trying to understand
"Right." him, in his office in the basis of Jenny and
Bloomington, "I could answer Betty's play. Corsaro calls
Debbie now moves it, talk for five minutes, and this encirclement. Notice
alongside Betty, takes a pot then we could pick up where that when Debbie initially
and spoon, begins putting we left off. It's easy for us. reaches for a teapot Jenny
sand in the pot, and says, When you are a three- or four- says no. Debbie hasn't
"I'm making coffee." year-old and you've generated proved that she understands
something spontaneous and the game in question. So she
"I'm making cupcakes," it's going well, it's not so retreats and observes
Betty replies. easy." The bell can ring. An further. Then she makes
adult can step in. An older what Corsaro calls a verbal
Betty now turns to Jenny child can disrupt things. As a reference to affiliation--
and says, "We're mothers, result, they spend a lot of "We're friends, right?" It's as
right, Jenny?" effort trying to protect their if she were offering her bona
play from disruption. Betty fides. She gets a positive
"Right," says Jenny. and Jenny aren't resistant to response. Now she enters
sharing when they initially say again, this time making it
The three "mothers" no to Debbie. They are already absolutely clear that she
continue to play together for sharing, and the point of understands the game: "I'm
about twenty more minutes, keeping Debbie at bay is to making coffee." She's in.
until the teachers announce defend that shared play. This is how children learn to
cleanup time. get along. Kids teach each
What has evolved in preschool other how to be social.
To adults, this exchange culture, then, is what Corsaro Indeed, to the extent that
looks somewhat troubling. If calls access strategies--an adults might get involved in
you saw Debbie circling the elaborate set of rules and an access situation--by, for
sandbox over and over, rituals that govern when and example, instructing Jenny
you'd think she was shy and how the third parties and Betty that they have to
timid. And if you came upon circulating through the share with Debbie--they
the three girls just as Jenny playground are allowed to join would frustrate the learning
told Debbie no you'd think an existing game. Debbie's process.
Jenny was selfish and approach to the sandbox is
needed to be taught to share. what Corsaro calls nonverbal Corsaro is a quiet, bearded
In both cases, the children entry--the first common man of fifty, with the
seem profoundly antisocial. opening move in the access patient, stubborn air of
In fact, Corsaro says, the dance. She's waiting for an someone who has spent the
better part of his life sitting the toys with others. They are Elaine was different. "When
and watching screaming not only sharing the toy but she was little, all you had to
three-year-olds. Harris E- sharing the fact that they are do was look down and she
mailed him when she was getting around the rule. This was there, right on my
writing her Psycholo gical is what is unique. I think there heels," Harris recalls. "She
Review paper, and the two is a real, strong emotional always wanted to be with
have struck up an on-line satisfaction in sharing things, people. We started getting
friendship. Most people, in doing things together." bad reports from the school
Corsaro says, want to figure Even for a child of three or right away--that she
out what his work says about four, the group is critical. wouldn't sit in her chair, and
individual development. she was bothering other
Harris, though, recognized 6. kids. When Nomi would ask
at once what Corsaro a question, it was because
considers the real lesson, Judith Harris and her she was interested in the
which is the children's husband, Charles, have two answer. When Elaine would
immediate and powerful children. The first, Nomi, is ask a question, it was
attraction to their own peer their biological daughter, and because she was interested
group. Once, Corsaro spent the second, Elaine, is adopted. in having the interaction.
close to a year in a preschool In that sense, Harris's own Nomi would ask a question
where the children had been family is a kind of micro- once. Elaine would often ask
forbidden to bring their toys version of the adoption a question several times. As
into the classroom. Before studies that raise the question the girls got older, Nomi
long, he noticed that they of parental influence, and she became a brain and Elaine
had found a way around the says that without the example became a dropout. Nomi
rule: the children were of her daughters she might was a member of a very
selecting the smallest of not have reached the small clique of intellectual
their toys--the boys chose conclusion she did. Nomi, the kids, and Elaine was a
Matchbox toy cars, for elder, was quiet and self- member of the delinquent
example, and the girls little sufficient as a child, a subgroup. They went in
plastic animals--and hiding National Merit Scholar who opposite directions."
them in their pockets. These went on to do graduate work
were only preschoolers, but at MIT. "She is very much like Harris has an optimistic air
already they were organizing me and Charlie," Harris says. about her, as if all her
against the adult world, "She gave us no trouble while troubles had only served to
defining themselves as a she was growing up. She strengthen her appreciation
group in opposition to their didn't require much guidance, of life. But it's clear that
elders. "What I found because she didn't want to do bringing up Elaine
interesting was not that the anything that we didn't want represented a real crisis in
kids wanted to bring their her to do. Even before she her life. When Elaine was six
own toys but that when they could walk, she would crawl and Nomi was ten, Harris
smuggled them in they off to another part of the became ill for the first time.
never played with them house, and I'd find her taking She was in such pain that
alone. They played with things out of a drawer and she couldn't sit up for more
them collectively," Corsaro looking at them carefully--and than half an hour. She tried
told me. "They wanted putting them down carefully." taking a graduate course in
others to know that they had psychology, hoping to finish
them. They wanted to share a doctorate she had started,
in the early sixties, at first child she would turn out- doing all the right things--by
Harvard, and she had a -of course, not the same..." providing children with
fellow-student carry a cot to She thought for moment. "But every lesson and every
class so she could lie down I certainly didn't expect that experience, by buying them
during lectures. But even she would be so vastly the right toys and saying the
that was too hard, so she different. I couldn't see that I right words and never
became a textbook writer, was having any effect on her spanking or publicly
lying in her bed, with a at all." Harris seems a little scolding them--is just as
spiral-bound notebook on reluctant to talk about those self-serving. At least,
her knee, and Nomi acting years, particularly since Harris's theory calls for
as her typist. She had Elaine turned out, as she puts neighborhoods, peers, and
pneumonia, a heart it, "amazingly well" and is now children themselves to share
murmur, pulmonary happy and married, with a the blame--and the credit--
hypertension, shingles, a toddler and a career as a for how children turn out.
year of chronic hives, and a licensed practical nurse. But The nurture assumption, by
minor stroke. "Sometimes," it's not hard to imagine the contrast, places the blame
she says, "I felt like Job," kind of guilt and frustration and the credit squarely on
and in the midst of all her she must have felt--maternal the parent, and has made it
troubles her younger helplessness magnified by her possible to demonize all
daughter seemed out of physical debility--as she and those who fail to measure up
control. Charles did everything that to the strictest standards of
good parents are supposed to supposedly optimal
"We had very bad years with do yet still came up short. Her parenting. "I want to tell
her in her teens," she recalls. epiphany was, in a way, her parents that it's all right,"
"We didn't know how to release, because she came to Harris told me. "A lot of
handle her." Harris says that believe that the reason she people who should be
she began motherhood as a and Charles couldn't see that contributing children to our
classic environmentalist, they were having any effect on society, who could be
meaning she believed that Elaine was that parents really contributing very useful and
children would reflect the can't have a big effect on their fine children, are reluctant
environment in which they children. to do it, or are waiting very
were reared. Had she long to have children,
stopped with Nomi, she There are a hundred ways of because they feel that it
says, she might have explaining Nomi and Elaine, requires such a huge
attributed Nomi's and there is, of course, commitment. If they knew
studiousness and self- something very convenient that it was O.K. to have a
sufficiency and success to about the explanation that child and let it be reared by
her own enlightened Harris arrived at: it's the kind a nanny or put it in a day-
parenting. It was Elaine who of thing that the mother of a care center, or even to send
made the puzzle posed by difficult child wants to believe. it to a boarding school,
the adoption studies seem Harris has constructed a maybe they'd believe that it
real. "I assumed that an theory that lets herself off the would be O.K. to have a kid.
adopted child would hook for her daughter's You can have a kid without
represent her environment, troubled childhood. It should having to devote your entire
and that if I could give be said, though, that the idea life--your entire emotional
Elaine the same kind of that parents can control the expenditure--to this child
environment I gave to my destiny of their children by for the next twenty years."
Harris does not see children that this is really important. "If developmental
as delicate vessels and does Harris makes a lot of sense. psychology were an
not believe they are easily Sometimes she is a little enterprise conducted by
damaged by the missteps of doctrinaire"--he paused--"but, children, there is no
their mothers and fathers. boy." Already, Harris has question that peer
We have been told, Harris helped wrench psychology relationships would be at the
writes, to tell children not away from its single-minded top of the list," Peter Gray, a
that they've been bad but obsession with chronicling psychologist at Boston
that what they did was bad, and interpreting the tiniest College, told me. "But
or, even more appropriately, perturbations of family life. because it is conducted by
that what they did made us The nurture assumption, she adults we tend,
feel bad. In her view, we says, has turned childhood egocentrically, to believe
have come to insist on these into parenthood: it has turned that it is the relationship
niceties only because we the development of children between us and our children
have forgotten what the into a story almost entirely that is important. But just
world of children is really about their parents. "Have look at them. Whom do they
like. "Kids are not that you ever thought of yourself want to please? Are they
fragile," she writes. "They as a mirror?" Dorothy Corkille wearing the kind of clothing
are tougher than you think. Briggs asks in her pop- that other kids are wearing
They have to be, because the psychology handbook "Your or the kind that their
world out there does not Child's Self-Esteem." "You are parents are wearing? If the
handle them with kid gloves. one--a psychological mirror other kids are speaking
At home, they might hear your child uses to build his another way, whose
'What you did made me feel identity. And his whole life is language are they going to
bad,' but out on the affected by the conclusions he learn? And, from an
playground it's 'You draws." And here are Barbara evolutionary perspective,
shithead!'" Chernofsky and Diane Gage, whom should they be paying
in "Change Your Child's attention to? Their parents--
Is Harris right? She is the Behavior by Changing Yours," the members of the previous
first to admit that what she on how children relate to their generation--or their peers,
has provided is only, at this parents: "Like living video who will be their future
stage, a theory. From her cameras, children record what mates and future
tiny study, off the main they observe." This is the collaborators? It would
hallway of her home in New modern-day cult of parenting. more adaptive for them to
Jersey, she is scarcely in a It takes as self-evident the be better attuned to the
position to do the kind of idea that the child is oriented, nuances of their peers'
multimillion-dollar, multi- overwhelmingly, toward the behavior. That just makes a
year study that is needed to parents. But why should that lot of sense."
test her hypothesis. "My be true? Don't parents, in fact,
guess is that some of the spend much of their time 7.
more threatened elders in instructing their children not
the field of psychology are to act like adults--that they Harris's health is more
going to go out of their way cannot be independent, that stable now, and when she
to try and savage this," they cannot make decisions was putting the finishing
Robert Sapolsky, a entirely by themselves, that touches on her book this
neurobiologist at Stanford, different rules apply to them summer she was sometimes
says. "But my gut feeling is because they are children? able to work at the computer
twelve, or even fourteen, originality and independence,
hours a day. But anything because in many areas of life
more strenuous is out of the you obviously possess both of
question. The woman who those traits in abundance. But
says that what really matters for some reason you have not
is what happens outside the been able to bring them to
home rarely leaves the bear on the kind of problems
home--not for vacations, or in psychology to which this
even to see a movie. Indeed, department is dedicated....We
none of the heavyweight are in considerable doubt that
psychologists who have you will develop into our
befriended her since her professional stereotype of
Psychological Review article what an experimental
ran have ever met her. psychologist should be."
"Writing E-mail is my
recreation," she wrote me in © 1998 Malcolm Gladwell
an E-mail.

When Harris goes to San

Francisco this week, for the
A.P.A. convention, it will be
a kind of coming-out party.
In preparation, during the
past few weeks she has had
to go shopping. "I have to
buy clothes," she said. "I've
hardly been out of the house
in years." On August 15th,
she will take the stage and
receive a prize named in
honor of the eminent
scholar George A. Miller.
Almost four decades ago,
Harris was kicked out of
graduate school after only
two years, and the dean who
delivered the news was the
same George A. Miller. The
two have since
corresponded, and Miller
has termed the irony
"delicious." In her
acceptance remarks, Harris
told me, she intends to read
from the letter that Miller
wrote her long ago: "I
hesitate to say that you lack