Written by

Ellen Winter & Chris Littler

TRANSCRIPTION DRAFT
Contact: [email protected]

© Two-Up Productions
All rights reserved
 36 QUESTIONS
ACT 1 - PART A
VOICE MEMO STARTS UP.
HANDS HANDLING A RECORDING DEVICE.
A CHOIR OF SCHOOLCHILDREN SING THEIR
SCHOOL SONG IN A GYMNASIUM.
JASE (WHISPERED) Natalie.

NATALIE What?
JASE Put your phone away.
NATALIE I’m recording it.
JASE You're recording it on your phone? When are you
gonna-
NATALIE It’s a voice memo. Sit-
JASE Why would you need a recording of my students
singing? They're not that good.
NATALIE Well, I just thought- it's so easy to just-
JASE Shhhh!
THE VOICE MEMO ENDS.
SCORE ENTERS.
VOICE MEMO STARTS UP.
A SHORT MOMENT INSIDE A MOVING VEHICLE:
NATALIE Reminder to self: the Fenderman family tree. Three
siblings: Bobby, Judy, Richie.
THE VOICE MEMO ENDS.
VOICE MEMO STARTS UP.
SCORE PLAYS UNDER DIALOGUE.

(CONTINUED)
 3.
CONTINUED: (2)

IN A GROCERY STORE.
NATALIE (CONT’ No, you - can you say that again?
D)
JASE (MOVING CLOSER TO HER) About city hall?
NATALIE Yeah!
JASE My god, you’re recording this!
NATALIE Yes.
JASE What, so you can prove it in court?
NATALIE Well, I just want you on the record. You are okay
with not having a big wedding. No guests.
JASE (LAUGHING) Oh my god, you're...insane. (VERY CLOSE)
Yes, confirmed, yes. Confirmed! You hear that? I
confirmed it. I'm on the record. I am okay with not
having a big wedding.
NATALIE (LAUGHING) Thank you.
JASE I don't know about no guests, though. We gotta talk
about that.
NATALIE Ah, well, hm, it's on the record.

JASE Doesn't there have to be a wedding-

THE VOICE MEMO ENDS.
VOICE MEMO STARTS UP.
THE SOUND OF A RUSHING WATERFALL AND
BIRDSONG.
JASE (CONT’D) (FAR AWAY) NATALIE! (CLOSER) NATALIE!
NATALIE Hello!
FOOTSTEPS.
JASE We're like - we're all the way around the bend, I
thought you were right behind us.
NATALIE Sorry.
JASE Are you okay?
NATALIE I’m okay.
(CONTINUED)
 4.
CONTINUED: (3)
JASE What are you doing? Taking pictures?
NATALIE No. I was recording.
JASE What are you recording?
NATALIE I’m just capturing Snoqualmie in all its glory.
FOOTSTEPS.
JASE Do you ever listen back?
NATALIE Not yet.
JASE (CLOSE TO HER, KISSING HER HAIR) Mmm. You ever think
you’re going to?
NATALIE Hmm- I guess when I miss it.
FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL.
THE VOICE MEMO ENDS.
SCORE INTENSIFIES.
VOICE MEMO STARTS UP.
WE ARE INSIDE A SEDAN BEING DRIVEN DOWN
AN ASPHALT ROAD.
SOFT RAIN.
JUDITH (SIGHS) The date is Thursday, July 28th, 2009. My
(“NATALIE”) name is Judith Ford and I have been lying to my
husband since the moment I met him. I am going on the
record here to make this right. To remember.
JUDITH (CONT’D The time is 6:43 and I seem to have left my charger
) at Denny’s, which means I have about 30 minutes if
I’m lucky before this cuts out.
JUDITH (CONT’D So.
)
(EXHALES.)
So I don't have very long to convince him, I guess.
COMPUTER VOICE “Your destination is on the right.”
JUDITH Oh shit, that’s a road?
THE SHARP TURN OF THE WHEEL - TIRES
SQUEAL.
A SEMI HONKS AT US.
(CONTINUED)
 5.
CONTINUED: (4)
JUDITH (CONT’D Jesus.
)
JUDITH (CONT’D (UNDER HER BREATH) My god.
)
BRANCHES SCRAPE THE SIDE OF THE CAR.
THE BUMP OF THE CAR FROM DIRT TO GRAVEL.
JUDITH (CONT’D (SINGING) OH I’M GONNA DIE OUT HERE.
)
THE TIRES ROLLING OVER STONES AND ROCKS.
JUDITH (CONT’D (HER VOICE WARBLING AS SHE RIDES OVER THE ROCKS)
)
THERE IS LITERALLY NOTHING OUT HERE
NOT EVEN AN AM RADIO STATION
I’M GONNA DIE AND THEY’RE GONNA FIND MY CAR
BUT ALL THAT WILL BE LEFT OF ME IS MY PHOOOONE
THE CAR DECELERATES TO A STOP.
A GEAR SHIFT, INTO PARK.
JUDITH (CONT’D Okay. Made it in one piece. I can see Jase’s family
) country house or log cabin or whatever.
KEYS YANKED OUT OF THE IGNITION.
JUDITH (CONT’D Definitely get the appeal of it. Peaceful. Remote.
) Great place to get some "Me Time", particularly if
you’ve just found out your wife has been, uh, you
know... lying about who she is and refusing to
acknowledge it.
DRIVER DOOR OPENS.
SCORE INTENSIFIES.
PAPER BEING PLACED IN A PLASTIC BAG.
DOOR SLAMS, AND THE SCORE CUTS OUT.
FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL.
JUDITH (CONT’D Oops! There goes the element of surprise.
)
SOFT RAIN ON LEAVES.
CRICKETS AND TREE FROGS.
DISTANT DRILLING.
(CONTINUED)
 6.
CONTINUED: (5)
JUDITH (CONT’D Though, I think someone’s... drilling? Inside? So
) maybe he didn’t hear me.
SHE BEGINS WALKING TOWARD THE HOUSE.
JUDITH (CONT’D Not that it matters. It’s not like I’m springing a
) trap. You hear that, Future Judith? Not a trap.
Mission is to salvage the most important relationship
of your life. Just gotta make it to the porch.
HER HEELS CLICK AGAINST A STONE WALKWAY.
UP A FEW WOODEN STEPS.
AND ONTO A WOODEN PORCH.
JUDITH (CONT’D All’s left to do is just to...do it.
)
SOUNDS OF DRILLING.
JUDITH (CONT’D (EXHALES) I just have to do it.
)
SHE KNOCKS ON THE DOOR IN A PLAYFUL
RHYTHM.
DRILLING STOPS.
FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING THE OTHER SIDE OF
THE DOOR.
JUDITH KNOCKS THREE MORE TIMES.
JUDITH (CONT’D JASE?
)
A CREAK ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DOOR.
JUDITH (CONT’D Jase, I can hear you on the other side of the door.
) You might as well just open it.
ANOTHER CREAK.
JUDITH (CONT’D Or you can keep me on the hook. Tough but fair,
) considering circumstances.
CRINKLE OF A PLASTIC BAG.
I’m slipping something through the mail slot, cool?
PAPER BEING SHOVED THROUGH A MAIL SLOT.
Let me know when you’ve opened it. I’m just gonna...
stare at these trees.
WHINE OF MOSQUITOS.

(CONTINUED)
 7.
CONTINUED: (6)
JUDITH (CONT’D A HAND SLAPPING SKIN.
)
JUDITH (CONT’D Mosquitos! Fun. Okay, well I guess there’s two
) options. Either you're my husband, Jase Bryan
Connolly, who resides at 112 Secretariat Drive and
plays under the video game handle GameBoy123, or
you're a stranger in his childhood home. In either
event, it’d be really cool of you to open the door.
MOSQUITOS INTENSIFY.
JUDITH (CONT’D Also I have to pee, so.
)
ANOTHER SLAP.
JUDITH (CONT’D (AT HER LOWEST) Okay. I’ll play your game. I’m not
) me. You’re not you. Well...
SONG 1. "HEAR ME OUT" BEGINS.
WHOEVER YOU ARE
YOU SHARE A LOT IN COMMON WITH MY
HUSBAND, JASE

YOU HAVE THE SAME CAR

SO EITHER HE SOLD IT
OR MAYBE YOU STOLE IT
AND DIDN’T CHANGE THE PLATES

SO I FEEL LIKE I KNOW YOU

LIKE WE’VE MET BEFORE
I DROVE LIKE 27 HOURS TO GET TO THIS PLACE
IF YOU WERE HIM, YOU’D OPEN UP THE DOOR

(CONTINUED)
 8.
CONTINUED: (7)

I KNOW YOU’RE THERE

I KNOW YOU’RE LISTENING
YOU DESERVE TO GET TO KNOW
THE PERSON YOU’RE TRYING YOUR DAMNEDEST TO LET GO
I KNOW YOU CARE

WHOEVER YOU ARE

YOU HAVE A THOUSAND REASONS NOT TO TRUST
WHOEVER I AM

FOR WHATEVER IT’S WORTH

I ALSO HAVE NO CLUE AS TO WHO I
ACTUALLY AM

BUT I KNOW THIS IS THE FIRST TIME

IN MY LIFE THAT I AM SURE
I DROVE LIKE 27 HOURS, REPLACED TWO TIRES DURING A
STORM
AND I WON’T LEAVE UNTIL YOU OPEN UP THE DOOR

I HEAR YOU THERE

I HEAR YOU LISTENING
YOU DESERVE TO GET TO KNOW
THE PERSON YOU’RE TRYING YOUR DAMNDEST TO LET GO

HEAR ME OUT
HEAR ME OUT
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
 8A.
CONTINUED: (8)

HEAR ME OUT
LET ME IN
LET ME IN
LET ME IN
LET ME IN
THERE ARE MOSQUITOES
EVERYWHERE
I THINK THEY’RE EATING ME ALIVE
END OF SONG 1. "HEAR ME OUT"
DRONE OF MOSQUITOS.
A DEADBOLT TURNS.
JASE (THROUGH THE DOOR) (SIGHS) I’m only letting you in so
you don’t get eaten alive.
JUDITH So you’re saying that I won’t be eaten alive in the
house?
THE DOOR CREAKS OPEN.
JASE Not by mosquitoes.
ALREADY WALKING AWAY.
JASE (CONT’D) Please close the door behind you.
JUDITH (OVER) Hi Jase-- annnnd he's walking away.
WE STEP INTO THE HOUSE, WITH JUDITH.
DOOR CLOSES BEHIND HER AND LOCKS.
1930’S PIANO JAZZ PLAYING ON AN OLD
RECORD PLAYER IN A LARGE ROOM.
THIS JAZZ IS THE BASIS FOR THE RIFF FOR
SONG 2. "ONE THING”, SO THE SONG
TECHNICALLY STARTS HERE.
A TARP FLAPPING IN THE BREEZE.
THE WHIRR OF AN ELECTRIC DRILL IN THE
NEXT ROOM.
THE SOUND OF JUDITH'S HEELS CLICKING
ACROSS THE FLOOR. (CONTINUED)
 9.
CONTINUED: (9)
JUDITH (CONT’D For the record, I think Jase is still upset. Which
) totally checks out.
JASE (FAR AWAY) Can’t hear you.
JUDITH (SHOUTING) Yeah, I'm just-!
(TO HERSELF) Ooh- being molested by a tarp.
WE’RE CARRIED DOWN THE HALLWAY, TOWARDS
THE RECORD PLAYER AND THE WHIRRING DRILL.
HIGH HEELS ON A WOODEN FLOOR.
A DUCK QUACKING.
JASE (SOFTLY, AS IF TO A BABY) Shhhh, it’s okay, Henry.
She won’t be here for long.
WE ENTER THE SAME ROOM AS THE RECORD
PLAYER AND THE DRILL.
WE HEAR FOOTSTEPS, A LIGHT PATTER.
JUDITH Who are you talking to?
JASE I’ll ask the questions. What are you doing here?
JUDITH (INCREDULOUS) Is that a duck?
HENRY QUACKS.
Are we in the fourth season of Friends?
JASE Yeah, this is The One Where We Find Out That Rachel
Is A Compulsive Liar and Has Been Lying About Who She
Is For The Past Two Years And Even That Her Name Is
Rachel And So Ross Gets Rightfully Upset And Is Like
“Get Away From Me Crazy Person,” But Of Course She
Somehow Tracks Him Down Even Though He Never Told Her
The Address Of This Place.
JUDITH ...you think I’m a Rachel.
JASE I don’t know who you are.
JUDITH That’s why I’m here.
CRINKLE OF PLASTIC BAG WITH PAPERS
INSIDE.
That’s why I have these.
JUDITH (CONT’D Can you put the drill down? It’s very intimidating.
)
SOUND OF A DRILL BEING TURNED OFF.
(CONTINUED)
 9A.
CONTINUED: (10)
JASE Do you know what you’ve done? Like, do you actually
know? Or have you lied to yourself so much you’ve
developed selective memory?
JUDITH (HUMORING HIM) Let's see if I remember. If I recall
correctly, I gave you a fake name when we met and I
continued to use that name while we dated and then as
we got married-
JASE More than just a fake name. You think I care about a
fake name?
JUDITH Yes.
JASE Well, you're right. I do. But I care more about the
fact that I asked you point blank and you didn't come
clean. Which makes you more than just someone who
lied. That makes you a liar.
JUDITH Okay.
JASE And I don't have time for liars.
JUDITH Okay.
JASE Why do you have your phone out? (INCREDULOUS) Are you
recording this?
JUDITH Just a little bit.
JASE Are you being serious right now?
JUDITH It's for me.
JASE It's for you?!
A DUCK QUACKS.
JUDITH That is a really cute duck.
JASE Correct! Yes! He’s the best duck in the world.
JUDITH Where did he come from?

(CONTINUED)
 10.
CONTINUED: (11)
JASE I- (STUTTERING INCOHERENTLY) (SIGHS) His name is
Henry. And he’s here because I found him on the patio
and invited him inside. He loves Cheerios and has
incredible comedic timing and is kind of my best
friend right now, which I’m sure sounds insane to
you- but you know what? I feel like I don't have to
explain things, seeing as how you refuse to explain
even the most basic things to me. Like, what is your
name? Where were you born? Do you actually need food
and sleep to function or are you some sort of cyborg?
JUDITH (TRYING TO CALM HIM DOWN, OVER THE ABOVE) I wasn’t
judging. He seems like a really chill duck.
JASE Well he is very chill!!
JUDITH Whatever gets you through this stressful time, Jase,
I’m all for it. Really. I only came out here to ask
you to do one thing.
MUSIC VAMPING FOR "ONE THING".
JASE One thing.
JUDITH Yeah. One thing.
SOMEWHERE ELSE IN THE HOUSE: A LOUD
COMMOTION--
A SHELF OF BOOKS FALLING OFF A WALL.
JUDITH (CONT’D What was that?
)
JASE That was the sound of a shelf I just installed
buckling under the weight of a hundred books. Knew I
was putting-
A LOUD CRASH -- A GIANT POT BREAKING.
JASE (CONT’D) And there goes my grandmother’s urn.
AND A SERIES OF LOUD POPPING NOISES.
JASE (CONT’D) And- I actually have no idea what that is. Pardon me.
HEAVY BOOTS WALKING PAST US.
JUDITH (FOLLOWING JASE THROUGH THE HOUSE) I know I’m not
supposed to be asking questions, but your moms are
loaded. Couldn’t they have hired someone to do all
this work on the house?

(CONTINUED)
 11.
CONTINUED: (12)
JASE (AHEAD OF US) They don’t know.
JUDITH They don’t know you’re renovating?
JASE You know, "renovating" is such a strong word. Do you
smell smoke?
THE CRACKLE OF FIRE.
JASE (CONT’D) Uh, yeah, that’s a fire! Just, ah, just stay calm.
Just- just a small electrical fire. Would you hand me
that blanket?
JUDITH Uh- yeah.
HEELS ACROSS THE FLOOR.
A BLANKET BEATING OUT A FIRE.
JASE (GRUNTING).
JUDITH For the record, Jase is putting out a fire with what
looks like an antique Quaker quilt.
JASE What?! Oh, damn it, I thought that was something
else.
STILL BEATING OUT THE FIRE.
JASE (CONT’D) Well, as you can see, your timing. (GRUNTS) As
always. (SIGHS) Is impeccable.
JUDITH One thing, Jase. That’s all I’m asking for.
JASE (LAUGHS)
JASE (CONT’D) “ONE THING”
I CAME OUT HERE FOR “ONE THING”
AND THAT LITTLE BITTY “ONE THING”
WAS TO FORGET ABOUT YOU
BUT I GUESS I’VE LEARNED SOMETHING
THAT THERE’S NEVER REALLY “ONE THING”
‘CAUSE PRETTY QUICKLY “ONE THING”

(CONTINUED)
 12.
CONTINUED: (13)
EVOLVES INTO TWO
OR THREE
OR MORE
THE BUZZ OF A LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY.
FOR EXAMPLE
SEE THE LIGHT
IN THE HALLWAY?
IT WAS ALWAYS FLICKERING
EVER SINCE
I WAS LITTLE
IT WAS ALWAYS FLICKERING
AFTER THREE DAYS HERE IT WAS UNBEARABLE
MY LIST GREW
2. FIX THE LIGHT BULB
AND 1. FORGET ABOUT YOU

DROVE TO TOWN
BOUGHT A BULB
ONE OF THOSE NEW LEDS
BROUGHT IT HOME
PUT IT IN
BUT THE WIRES WEREN’T CONNECTING
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
 13.
CONTINUED: (14)

SUDDENLY THEY WENT ON THE FRITZ

MY LIST GREW
3. REWIRE THE CEILING
2. FIX THE LIGHT BULB
AND 1. FORGET ABOUT YOU

SO I WENT
TO THE ATTIC
AND TO MY UTMOST DELIGHT
THERE IT IS
BLACK MOLD
KILLING US SLOWLY EACH NIGHT
AND I FEEL IT’S MY DUTY TO REMOVE IT
MY LIST GREW
4. KILL THE BLACK MOLD
3. REWIRE THE CEILING
2. FIX THE LIGHTBULB
AND 1. FORGET ABOUT YOU
JUDITH YEAH, BUT MY ONE THING
IS REALLY JUST-
JASE I'm not done.
SEE THE TARP
IN THE HALLWAY?
THAT USED TO BE A GALLERY WALL!
LOTS OF PICTURES
SUPER CLASSY
SAD I HAD TO MAKE THE CALL
(MORE) (CONTINUED)
 13A.
CONTINUED: (15)

BUT IN SCOURING FOR MOLD I HAD TO TAKE THE PLACE

APART
BECAUSE SOMETIMES TO SOLVE A PROBLEM YOU FOLLOW IT
BACK TO THE START
A DOORBELL DINGS INCESSANTLY.
JUDITH Oh, who’s that?
JASE No one. It just does that when it rains!
(CRAZED LAUGH)
THE DOORBELL JOINS IN, MUSICALIZING WITH
THE SONG.
WHEN I TRIED
TO REBUILD
THE WALL THAT I’D TAKEN DOWN
I DISCOVERED
TWO HOLES
BURROWED RIGHT INTO THE GROUND
AND I DIDN’T HAVE THE HEART TO KILL THEM SO
MY LIST GREW -

BUT THEN
THE CEMENT
THAT I FOUND
TO FILL IN THE GAPING HOLES
WASN’T GOOD
IT DIDN’T STICK
APPARENTLY CEMENT CAN GET OLD!?

(CONTINUED)
 14.
CONTINUED: (16)
JASE (CONT’D)
IN TRYING TO FIX ONE THING
I MADE EVERYTHING WORSE
MY LIST GREW
9. BUY NEW CEMENT
8. TAKE CARE OF THIS DUCK I FOUND
7. CLEAN OUT THE PIPES FOR THE BATHROOM AND KITCHEN
6. REBUILD THE WALL
5. KEEP OUT THE PESTS
4. KILL THE BLACK MOLD
3. REWIRE THE CEILING
2. FIX THE LIGHTBULB
AND 1. FORGET ABOUT YOU

JUDITH I THINK IT’S LOVELY

TO SEE
YOU FIX UP THIS OLD HOUSE
BECAUSE YOU WANT IT TO BE
NICE FOR YOUR FAMILY

BUT I THINK MAYBE

YOU’RE OBSESSING
OVER THINGS
YOU CAN CONTROL
HOPING TO CONTROL
YOUR FEELINGS FOR-
JASE What? No. No, no, no, no, no, no. These things needed
to get done- okay. Okay. Just- just- just stop moving
towards me, just stay on your side of the room, okay,
so we can talk this out.
(MORE) (CONTINUED)
 14A.
CONTINUED: (17)

No, listen, no- listen, if my moms are going to be so

nice to have me out here and respect my need to be
alone during this really insane, crazy, impossible
time of my life, the absolute least I can do is, you
know, just- just go around and- and...destroy their
house.
JUDITH (SINGING OVER JASE’S RAMBLINGS)
SO YOU CAME HERE
LOOKING FOR ONE THING
AND YOU’RE SAYING THAT ONE THING
WAS TO FORGET ABOUT ME?
WELL -- ALL I AM ASKING
IS FOR YOU TO DO THE FIRST THING
WHICH COULD ALSO BE THE LAST THING
THAT YOU DO WITH ME
THE MUSIC PAUSES FOR THIS FINAL ASK:
JUDITH (CONT’D After tonight, you’ll never hear from me again, if
) that’s what you want. Everything we need to fix our
marriage is inside this envelope. I’m asking for one
chance.
A TENSE MOMENT AS JASE CONSIDERS THIS
OPTION.
LONG SIGH FROM JASE.
THE MUSIC KICKS BACK IN FOR THE FINALE:
BOTH WE’LL DO THIS ONE THING
IT IS THE FIRST THING
WE’RE DOING TOGETHER
SINCE
JUDITH (SIMULTANEOUSLY) YOU LEFT WITHOUT SAYING A WORD
JASE (SIMULTANEOUSLY) I FOUND OUT YOU WERE NOT WHO I
THOUGHT YOU WERE

(CONTINUED)
 15.
CONTINUED: (18)
BOTH SO WE’LL DO THIS ONE THING
IT COULD BE THE LAST THING
WE’VE FOUND OURSELVES BACK IN THE LIVING
ROOM.
THE RECORD IS STILL SKIPPING.
JASE (BIG SIGH) Okay. The, uh, the record?
JUDITH It’s part of the whole thing, Jase.
JASE No, the actual record. Can you?
JUDITH Oh. Oh, yeah. Sorry.
THE RECORD SKIPPING GETS LOUDER AS JUDITH
WALKS US OVER TO IT.
A BUTTON IS PRESSED.
THE RECORD SLOWS DOWN TO A STOP.
SONG 2. "ONE THING” CUTS OUT.
THE VOICE MEMO ENDS.

(CONTINUED)
 16-17.
CONTINUED: (19)

36 QUESTIONS
ACT 1 - PART B

VOICE MEMO STARTS UP.

WE ARE INSIDE.
RAIN AND FAINT THUNDER CAN BE HEARD
OUTSIDE.
JUDITH (CONT’D For the record, it is now 7:06 PM. My estranged
) husband Jase has not kicked me out of his childhood
home.
JASE Yet.
JUDITH In fact at this very moment he is examining the
contents of the mystery envelope I handed him.
JASE (SIGHS)
CRINKLE OF PAPER.
JUDITH So far he’s found a manila folder. Uh, you're going
to want to shake that out.
AN ENVELOPE BEING SHAKEN.
A COUPLE SMALL ITEMS CLINK AGAINST THE
LIVING ROOM TABLE.
JUDITH (CONT’D For the record, Jase is picking up a book of matches.
) And now he’s picking up his wedding band, which he
left on the kitchen counter for me because he’s a
drama queen.
JASE What’s this?
JUDITH Jase is looking at a document.
JASE “The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal
Closeness: A Procedure and Some Preliminary
Findings.” My wedding ring, a book of matches and a
scientific paper.
PAPERS BEING FLIPPED THROUGH.
JASE (CONT’D) Oh. I get it.
JUDITH (WHISPERED) He’s nodding his head.
JASE The 36 Questions.
(CONTINUED)
 16-17A.
CONTINUED: (20)
JUDITH The 36 Questions.
JASE (SARCASTIC) Well, it’s definitely a poetic gesture.
You and I fell in love when we did the 36 Questions
two years ago. Why wouldn't it work twice?
JUDITH Ah! But the gesture isn't over yet! I knew it’d be
tough for you to move forward without first moving
on. which is why you have the book of matches, and I
have this:
PAPERS BEING PULLED FROM A LEATHER PURSE.
JASE What's that?
JUDITH For the record, I have in my hand, bundled together
by a single rubber band, every document I forged over
the past two years in order to be Natalie Cook. I
brought this here because I would like you, Jase, to
be the person who sets everything that is and was
Natalie Cook on fire.
JASE So you want me to torch your Sam’s Club card?
JUDITH It’s what it signifies, Jase.
THE VAMP FOR SONG 3. "NATLIE COOK"
STARTS.
PAPER DUMPED IN A METAL TRASH CAN CAN BE
HEARD OVER THE FOLLOWING:
JUDITH (CONT’D For the record, I’m placing the bundle of fake
) Natalie documents in a trash can and am now-
THE GLUG OF LIGHTER FLUID.
JUDITH (CONT’D -spraying it with this lighter fluid-
)
THE RUSTLE OF LIGHTER FLUID OVER PAPERS.

A TRASH CAN SET ON A TABLE OVER THE

FOLLOWING:
JUDITH (CONT’D -and placing the trash can on the table between me
) and Jase. So now all Jase has to do is light a match
and drop it in.
JASE That’s all Jase has to do.
JUDITH Yes, that’s all Jase has to do.
JASE Burn your documents for you.

(CONTINUED)
 16-17B.
CONTINUED: (21)

JUDITH Burn my documents for us. Here, I’ll even light the
match for you. You just have to drop it in. For the
record, Jase is staring at the match, looking
incredulous.
JASE Why is it so important I torch your documents?
JUDITH It’s not. It’s important that we torch them together.
THERE IS SOMETHING TO THE RITUAL
OF SETTING SOME OLD SHIT ON FIRE
A WAY OF SAYING
“THIS NOW LIVES IN MEMORY”
A WAY OF SAYING
“IT’S ONLY A MEMORY”
THERE’S SOMETHING TO THE RITUAL
OF SETTING A TORCH TO WHAT IS GONE
THE VIKINGS DID IT
TO HONOR A MEMORY
AND NOW WE DO IT
TO HONOR
WHO I USED TO
BE
LET’S SAY GOODBYE TO NATALIE
SHE WAS THIRTY-THREE
TONIGHT
LET’S SAY GOODBYE TO NATALIE
AND HER FAKE ID’S
JASE SHE WAS IMAGINARY
JUDITH WHICH IS WHY WE SAY “GOODBYE TO HER”
AND “HELLO TO ME”
JASE This is ridiculous. (CONTINUED)
 18.
CONTINUED: (22)
JUDITH Why?
JASE I don’t see why I have to join your little cremation
ceremony. You’re the one who made her up.
JUDITH It was a bit more collaborative than you’re
remembering.
JASE All I want right now is the same thing I wanted two
weeks ago: the truth. Why did you lie to me? And why
does Natalie Cook exist in the first place?
JUDITH THE PERSON WHO I WAS
ON THE DAY YOU AND I MET
WAS DEEPLY ASHAMED OF WHO SHE HAD BECOME
SO DEEPLY ASHAMED OF WHAT SHE’D DONE
AND WHEN YOU SHOWED HER QUESTIONS
THE THIRTY-SIX QUESTIONS
SHE LOOKED AHEAD AND SAW
WHO SHE WANTED TO BE
SHE BUILT A PAST, MADE UP A HISTORY
DETAILS THAT FIT THIS PERSON NAMED
NATALIE
LET’S SAY GOODBYE TO
NATALIE
SHE WAS THIRTY-THREE
ON HER FAKE ID’S
JASE SHE WAS REAL TO ME
JUDITH I DON’T EXPECT
FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND PERFECTLY
I LOVED HER TOO AS MUCH AS YOU
AND SHE’D WANT YOU BURY HER WITH ME.

(CONTINUED)
 19.
CONTINUED: (23)
JASE Okay.
JUDITH Okay, what?
JASE Give me the match.

THERE IS SOMETHING TO THE RITUAL

OF SETTING FIRE TO THE LIE
A WAY OF SAYING
“THAT’S ONE WIN FOR HONESTY,
WHAT’S DONE IS DONE.”
THE MATCH IS STRUCK.
JASE (CONT’D) TONIGHT
I SAY GOODBYE TO NATALIE
SHE WAS THIRTY-THREE
BOTH TONIGHT
WE SAY GOODBYE TO NATALIE
AND HER FAKE ID’S
NATALIE
SHE WAS IMAGINARY
SHE WAS THIRTY-THREE
JASE MAY SHE REST IN PEACE

SONG 3. "NATALIE COOK” PETERS OUT WITH

THE RISING SOUND OF BURNING PAPERS.
JUDITH (COUGHING)
JASE (COUGHING) Wow. That thing's really roaring.
JUDITH Yeah, I put a lot of lighter fluid in. (COUGHS). Is
that smoke gonna be a problem?
JASE No. (COUGHS). None of the fire alarms work.
THE SQUEAK OF A WINDOW BEING OPENED.
(CONTINUED)
 19A.
CONTINUED: (24)
JUDITH For the record, Jase is opening a window.
THE SOUND OF GLASS SHATTERING.
JUDITH (CONT’D For the record, one of the panes just-
)
JASE Yeah, I think can we cool it on the record for a sec?
JUDITH Okay.
JASE Could you bring me the bucket?
JUDITH Sure thing.
HEELS ON WOOD FLOOR.
What are you doing? Scattering me to the wind?
CLATTER OF A METAL BUCKET.
JASE It’d be great to not have this place reek of smoke
when my moms come back.
JUDITH I'm handing Jase the bucket.
RATTLE OF METAL BUCKET.
JUDITH (CONT’D Jase is emptying out the bucket.
)
A HAND TAPPING AGAINST THE BOTTOM OF A
METAL CAN.
Now he’s spanking the bucket’s bottom.
JUDITH (CONT’D And like that, she’s gone.
)
A BUCKET HANDLE CREAKING.
How do you feel?
JASE Sad. And stupid.
THE SOUND OF THE WINDOW BEING CLOSED.

(CONTINUED)
 20.
CONTINUED: (25)
JUDITH Me too.
JASE Particularly because I just made it impossible for
you to leave. Because of course I would.
JUDITH But- how do you mean?
THUNDER RUMBLES IN THE BACKGROUND.
JASE You have no identifying documents. How are you
supposed to get in your car and drive to a hotel and
check yourself in? Come here, Henry. Eat your
Cheerios.
THE DUCK WADDLES TOWARDS US, QUACKING.
JUDITH I have my passport.
JASE (BEAT) You do?
A DUCK NIBBLING ON CHEERIOS.
JUDITH Yeah. It’s in the car. You want to see it?
RAIN AND THUNDER.
JASE What’s the name on it?
JUDITH My legal name.
JASE Judith Ford.
JUDITH Yes. Judith Ford. (TO US) For the record, Jase has a
far-off look in his eye.
JASE (SIGHS)
JUDITH You want to meet Judith?
PATTER OF RAIN.
JASE I- I think it would be nice to just- see the document
that has your name-
JUDITH Totally.
JASE'S FOOTSTEPS. DUCK QUACKING.
JASE Okay, Henry, we’re stepping out just for a second.
Try not to tear the place apart.

(CONTINUED)
 21.
CONTINUED: (26)

LOUD THUNDER.
JASE (CONT’D) Whoa! D'you hear that?
JUDITH (Laughing) Oh, yeah. It’s God bowling.
THE DOOR IS OPENED.
WE STEP THROUGH IT, OUT ONTO THE PORCH.
WE HEAR WIND CHIMES, THUNDER, RAIN,
FROGS, AND CRICKETS.
THE SOUNDS OF JASE AND JUDITH'S FOOTSTEPS
OVER THE FOLLOWING:
JASE I can’t believe you’re here. I can’t believe I’m
entertaining this. I should not be entertaining this.
I know that.
JUDITH Why do you know that?
JASE Because it’s pointless.
BOOTS AND HEELS ON THE STONE PATHWAY.
JUDITH Okay, it’s pointless. How is it pointless?
JASE It’s pointless because- okay, I’m going to see your
passport.
JUDITH Mhm.
JASE With your real name on it.
JUDITH Yes.
JASE With a picture taken before we met.
JUDITH Yes.
JASE I’m gonna see proof that you are who you say you are.
And then what?
JUDITH Then we meet. And we do the 36 Questions.
JASE Like a couple of strangers? Hit reset? Act like you
didn’t lie to me for two years?
JUDITH (SCOFFS) We don’t act like anything. If you do the 36
Questions with me, you’ll meet Judith Ford.

(CONTINUED)
 22-23.
CONTINUED: (27)

THE CAR DOOR OPENS.

JASE But I don’t have 36 Questions. I have one question.
Why did you do it?
THUNDER OVER THE FOLLOWING:
JUDITH And that one question has a thousand answers. You’re
asking me why I made a split-second decision in the
heat of the moment of meeting you. That’s my life,
Jase. That’s me. That’s Judith. Nice to meet you.
Here’s my passport. Would you like to do the 36
Questions with me?
OPENING NOTES OF SONG 4. "JUDITH FORD"
PASSPORT PAPER RUSTLES.
JASE (LOOKING AT THE PASSPORT) Judith Ford. Like the
truck.
JUDITH (SNORTS) No relation. I’m pretty sure.
JASE It says you got this in Arizona. When were you even
in Arizona? Are you from Arizona? Are you actually
really good at golf, and you were just saying you
hated it so that I wouldn’t see how good you were? Oh
my god.
JUDITH (LAUGHING) Okay, okay, okay, wait, wait - let’s stay
on task here.
JASE What do you mean?
JUDITH Jase Connolly, answer me honestly. Right now, given
the choice of anyone in the world, who would you want
as a dinner guest?
JASE You're trying to trick me!
JUDITH (SCOFFS) I just asked you a question!
JASE No. You asked me the question. The first question, of
36- it doesn't matter. I’m not answering it.
JUDITH Why not? Because you don’t want me to know the truth?
Anyone in the world. Your house. Dinner. Get to know
each other. Spill all. Who would it be?
JASE I don’t have to answer this.
JUDITH You’re already telling me.
JASE Michelle Obama.
(CONTINUED)
 22-23A.
CONTINUED: (28)
JUDITH Wrong! Who would it be, Jase? Anyone in the world.
JASE WALKS OUT INTO THE WOOD AND SIGHS,
LAUGHS INCREDULOUSLY, MUTTERS TO HIMSELF,
SCREAMS.
JASE I WOULD HAVE DINNER WITH JUDITH
Okay?
IF I COULD HAVE ANYONE OVER IT WOULD BE JUDITH
AS MUCH AS IT PAINS ME TO SAY
I WISH IT WERE SOMEBODY ELSE
BUT GIVEN THE
CHOICE
OF ANYONE
IN THE WORLD
THE ONLY PERSON I WANT OVER FOR DINNER IS YOU.
YES, I WOULD HAVE DINNER WITH JUDITH
SO I COULD ASK QUESTIONS
OR MAYBE ONE QUESTION:
“WHO ARE YOU AND WHY WERE YOU LIVING A LIE?”
IT WOULD PROB’LY END IN A FIGHT
BUT ONCE I KNEW THE TRUTH
THE REAL TRUTH
MAYBE I COULD STAY STRONG AND POLITELY SEND JUDITH
OUT INTO THE NIGHT.
THAT’D BE NICE.
YES, I WOULD BREAK BREAD WITH THE WOMAN WHO LIED TO
MY FACE
BECAUSE IN MY HEAD I’VE BEEN WONDERING HOW SHE KEPT
UP THE PACE

(CONTINUED)
 22-23B.
CONTINUED: (29)

JASE (CONT'D) TO LIVE IN A LIE FOR SO LONG

TO STRING HER HUSBAND ALONG
HOW THE HELL COULD SHE THINK THAT WAS OKAY?
I CHOOSE DINNER WITH JUDITH
OVER OBAMA
AND OVER RIHANNA
AND EVEN MY CELEB WIFE CHARLIZE THERON
I WOULD DIE TO DINE WITH ALL THREE
BUT IF I’M BEING REAL
AND I WANT TO BE REAL
IN A WORLD FULL OF PEOPLE THE ONLY PERSON I’D WANT
OVER FOR DINNER IS YOU
YES, IN A WORLD FULL OF PEOPLE - WHO ALL HAVEN’T HURT
ME THE WAY THAT YOU HURT ME - THE ONLY PERSON I’D
WANT OVER FOR DINNER IS YOU
THAT’S THE TRUTH
THAT'S THE TRUTH
THAT’S THE TRUTH
SONG 4. "JUDITH FORD” ENDS.
THUNDER, OVERHEAD.
THE SKY OPENS UP.
JASE (CONT’D) We should go back inside.
JUDITH Aren’t you going to ask me?
JASE Ask you what?
JUDITH Who I'd want over for dinner!
JASE I bet I can guess.

(CONTINUED)
 24.
CONTINUED: (30)
JUDITH And I bet you'd be right. (PAUSE). It's you.
JASE Well, obviously, Judith, yes. C'mon, let's go, watch
your step.
BUCKETS OF WATER SLAM AGAINST THE CANOPY.
SOUNDS ARE MUFFLED AS WE MOVE BACK
TOWARDS THE HOUSE INSIDE A POCKET.
JUDITH I’m definitely wearing the wrong shoes!
JASE C'mon, well, just take your shoes off! Gimme me your
hand, gimme your hand, gimme your, just- c'mon.
C'mon, run! I got it, I got it-
JUDITH (LAUGHS, SCREAMING).
THEY RUN ACROSS GRAVEL.
THEY RUN ACROSS STONE.
JASE C'mon, I'm not gonna carry you. (LAUGHS). C'mon, just
give me your hand, let's go! Let's go. This is not
funny, I don't know why you're laughing. Ah, I'm
soaked! Ugh! Whoa, watch it, watch it, there's a rock
there, okay-
SCREEN DOOR OPENS, AND SLAMS SHUT BEHIND
THEM.
JUDITH That was insane. (LAUGHS, BREATHLESSLY). You're
soaked.
JASE You’re soaked.
DUCK QUACKING CONTINUOUSLY.
Henry?
MUFFLED SOUNDS AS WE'RE TAKING OUT OF THE
POCKET.
JUDITH Uh, Jase is looking for the duck, who I can only
assume is loving this. I'm a total duck novice,
though. Jase, there’s a lot of water coming in.
JASE Yeah, that's just the roof. I was in the middle of
shingling. Oh, thank god, okay. He’s under the table,
will you help me?
STREAMS OF DRIPPING WATER POUND THE
HARDWOOD FLOOR AROUND US, EVERYWHERE.
JUDITH Yeah, what, what can I-?
(CONTINUED)
 24A.
CONTINUED: (31)
JASE (FAST, AGITATED) Uh, just put the phone down for a
second and stand over there and keep him from booking
it, okay? Is the door closed?
A DOOR CREAKING SHUT.
JUDITH Yeah. I closed it.
JASE C'mon! C'mon, buddy.
JUDITH Aw, is he okay?
JASE Yeah, yeah, I think so. Aw. Just a little shaken up.
DUCK QUACKING UP A STORM.
You cold, buddy? You cold?
(TO JUDITH)
Judith, get the blanket.
JUDITH Uh, yeah, here.
JASE Thanks.
(TO HENRY, TENDERLY)
That's better, that better, little guy? Is that all
better? Everything's gonna be okay. Okay. You're safe
now. Shh. Shhhh.
JUDITH Can I pet him?
JASE Uh, yeah. Sure. He likes it when you scratch the top
of his head.
JUDITH Okay. Like... this?
HENRY QUACKING.
JASE Yeah.
JUDITH Oh man, he’s really effing cute. For the record.
JASE Thank you. He’s a good listener.
A LOUD CRASH IN THE NEXT ROOM.
THE DUCK QUACKS, CONCERNED.
JASE (CONT’D) (TO HENRY) Whoa, whoa, whoa. Shhhh. Okay, it's okay.
You’re okay, buddy. It’s just the ceiling filling up
with water.
ANOTHER LOUD CRASH.
(CONTINUED)
 25.
CONTINUED: (32)
JUDITH That sounded like it was right outside!
JASE Probably just a dead tree falling. There’s-
MORE THUNDER. WIRING SNAPPING.
JUDITH Whoa! That sounded like some Cloverfield shit!
JASE Well, there’s nothing I can do about it right now.
Our best game plan is to hunker down here and wait it
out. We'll see what needs immediate repairs in the
morning.
(CATCHING HIMSELF)
And by “we” I mean me and Henry. Obviously.
JUDITH (SMILING) Obviously.
SONG 5. "FOR THE RECORD" BEGINS.
JUDITH (CONT’D For the record-
)
JASE Hm?
JUDITH (LAUGHS)
JASE For the record what?
JUDITH You just undressed me with your eyes.
JASE I did not.
JUDITH You did.
JASE I- I looked at your shirt.
JUDITH (CLOSE TO THE MIC, SULTRY) Let it be known that
sparks flew.
JASE No sparks. No sparks. For the record- for the record,
my eyes just happened to glance down at Natalie’s
shirt-
JUDITH Judith.
JASE At Judith’s shirt because it’s completely see-
through. And her nips are like totally out there for
everyone to see.
THE DUCK QUACKS.
JUDITH So they are.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
 26.
CONTINUED: (33)

JASE So you see how that could be awkward.

JUDITH Right. Because it’s like, “Whose tits are these,
anyway?”
JASE You’re joking, but actually-
JUDITH (OVER) Are you going to let me borrow a shirt?
JASE Wait. Was this part of your plan?
JUDITH (SCOFFS) Yeah, Jase. I made this storm happen,
because I’m an X-Man now. Is your stuff upstairs?
Assuming the roof hasn’t blown off?
JASE Second door on the left. Third drawer in the dresser.
Please don’t poke around.
JUDITH (FROM OFF) I left my phone down there as collateral.
Feel free to toss it out the window if you catch me
snooping.
JASE (LOUDLY, TO JUDITH) Okay, but hurry up, please. I
don’t have all night to do the questions. And I’d
like to be up at a reasonable time tomorrow morning.
I have a lot of stuff to...
JASE (CONT’D) (TO HIMSELF)...burn to the ground.
THE DUCK QUACKS, AND FLAPS HIS WINGS.
JASE (CONT’D) Just- I don’t want to hear it, Henry, okay? You saw
how I tried to deflect. She’s unstoppable.
DOORBELL RINGS RAPID FIRE, THEN DIES.
JASE (CONT’D) Thank you, doorbell. Glad to hear you weigh in on
this too.
JASE (CONT’D) 35 questions.
A CORK POPS, GLASSES, THE POURING OF
LIQUID.
I’m not gonna get through four.
FOR THE RECORD THIS IS SELF-DESTRUCTIVE
FOR THE RECORD I’M AWARE OF THAT
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
 27.
CONTINUED: (34)

FOR THE RECORD I’VE BEEN PICTURING HER BODY

DRAPED OVER THE SOFA WEARING NOTHING BUT HER HAT
FOR THE RECORD
MMHMM
I’M SCREWED
MMMHMMM
FOR THE RECORD THIS CAN STILL GO MY WAY
FOR THE RECORD I CAN KEEP MY PRIDE
ALL I HAVE TO DO IS KEEP US FOCUSED ON THE QUESTIONS
EACH ONE OF HER RESPONSES WILL REMIND ME HOW SHE LIED
THAT’S THE ANSWER!
MMMHMMM
THAT’S WHAT I’LL DO...
MMMHMMM
I’LL USE THE
THIRTY-SIX
THIRTY-SIX
THIRTY-SIX
THIRTY-SIX
QUESTIONS AS A LIFE LINE.
AND OF COURSE I HAVE SYMPATHY
FOR THE PATHOLOGICAL LIAR WHO DID THIS TO ME
AND YES I ADMIT, I WISH I COULD TOUCH HER...

BUT THE QUESTIONS WILL MAKE ONE THING CLEAR:

THERE’S NOTHING LEFT OF MY OLD LIFE TO SPARE
NO MATTER HOW MUCH I MAY-

(CONTINUED)
 28.
CONTINUED: (35)

FOOTSTEPS RETURNING. SOCKS ON HARDWOOD.

JUDITH Ta-da.
JASE (ALARMED) What’s up?
JUDITH What do you think?
JASE About what?
JUDITH My jersey. Go Sea Wolves!
JASE Yeah. Haha. Go Sea Wolves. Anyway. I was just setting
the table here. I don’t know why I did that. That’s
weird.
JUDITH It makes perfect sense to me. It’s kind of like a
weird first date. Which is why we really ought to
have more booze.
JASE I have whiskey - but, um, did you- did you want wine?
JUDITH Do you have wine?
JASE Yeah. The glass shattered on the chiller last night
but I think the reds are okay. I’ll just uh- yeah,
I’ll get them. I'll be right back.
(TO HENRY) Stay with Judith, Henry.
QUACKING. BOOTS WALKING ON A HARDWOOD
FLOOR, AWAY FROM US.
JUDITH Hey, Henry. I can’t imagine all the horrible stuff
you’ve heard about me. Well, it's all true. But you
don't seem like the kind of duck who holds a grudge.
You're not a whiskey drinker, are you? No. You keep
your wits about you. I like that.
WHISKEY BEING POURED INTO A GLASS.
FOR THE RECORD I DID NOT EXPECT THIS
I REALLY THOUGHT THAT IT WOULD BE A HARDER SELL
I CAME UP WITH THIS PLAN AT 4AM ON INTERSTATE 10
HOW WAS I TO KNOW THAT IT WOULD WORK SO WELL?
FOR THE RECORD
I HAVEN’T THOUGHT A LOT ABOUT THE WAY I’LL ANSWER
I GUESS I’M STILL AFRAID THAT I MIGHT LIE
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
 28A.
CONTINUED: (36)

IF ONLY I COULD MAKE HIM SEE IF I WAS GIVEN THE

CHOICE
OF TELLING HIM THE TRUTH OR STICKING KNIVES INTO MY
EYES
I’D PICK THE KNIVES
MMMHMMM
BUT I’LL SURVIVE
MMMHMMM
I’LL TREAT THE
THIRTY-SIX
THIRTY-SIX
THIRTY-SIX
THIRTY-SIX
QUESTIONS AS A PASTIME!
THIRTY-SIX
THIRTY-SIX
THIRTY-SIX
THIRTY-SIX
QUESTIONS JUST LIKE LAST TIME
AND MAYBE IT’S WRONG TO SAY
BUT HIS DEFENSE AND DISTANCE WILL NOT
SWAY ME FROM BELIEVING THIS IS POSSIBLE
IF HE DIDN’T LOVE ME ANYMORE
THEN WHY THE HELL DID HE OPEN THE FRONT DOOR?
I THINK IT’S A SIGN THAT HE-
BOOTS APPROACHING ON HARDWOOD.
JASE Hey.
JUDITH (ALARMED) What’s up?
JASE There’s a good chance this wine is terrible.
(CONTINUED)
 29.
CONTINUED: (37)
JUDITH I’d settle for drinkable.
JASE I make no promises. Ah, you lit candles...
JUDITH Yeah. I thought it’d help set the mood.
JASE What’s the mood?
JUDITH Hopeful?
TWO CHAIRS SCOOTING ON HARDWOOD.
JUDITH (CONT’D JUST LIKE OUR FIRST DATE
)
WHEN WE SAT ON YOUR CARPET
DRANK TWO BOTTLES OF WINE
JASE THIS IS DIFFERENT
TWO YEARS HAVE GONE BY
OUR WHOLE LIFE WAS A LIE
BOTH BUT THERE’S SOMETHING
THAT FEELS SO FAMILIAR
WE’VE BEEN HERE BEFORE
JASE STARING AT EACH OTHER
JUDITH SUDDENLY CARING FOR EACH OTHER
BOTH MOVING ON
TO QUESTION
TWO
JASE “Would you like to be famous? In what way?”
JUDITH WE’RE ASKING
THIRTY-SIX
THIRTY-SIX
THIRTY-SIX
THIRTY-SIX
QUESTIONS TO EACH OTHER

(CONTINUED)
 29A.
CONTINUED: (38)
JASE TONIGHT IT’S THIRTY-SIX
REASONS WHY
YOU AND I
CAN NOT BE
HEALTHY FOR EACH OTHER
JUDITH WE’RE ASKING
BOTH THIRTY-SIX
THIRTY-SIX
THIRTY-SIX
THIRTY-SIX
QUESTIONS TONIGHT
THIRTY-SIX
THIRTY-SIX
THIRTY-SIX
THIRTY-SIX
QUESTIONS FOR THE SECOND TIME
THIRTY-SIX
THIRTY-SIX
THIRTY-SIX
THIRTY-SIX
QUESTIONS FOR THE LAST TIME
THE ABOVE PHRASE REPEATS AS EARLIER
MOTIFS WEAVE IN.
JASE I SAID I’D HAVE DINNER WITH JUDITH
ONE THING
JUDITH WE SAY GOODBYE TO NATALIE
LET ME IN
HEAR ME OUT

(CONTINUED)
 30-31.
CONTINUED: (39)
BOTH THIRTY-SIX
THIRTY-SIX
THIRTY-SIX
THIRTY-SIX
THIS COULD BE THE LAST THING.
THE MUSIC ABRUPTLY STOPS.
THE VOICE MEMO ENDS.
[END OF ACT ONE.]

(CONTINUED)
 32.
CONTINUED: (40)

36 QUESTIONS
ACT 2 - PART A

VOICE MEMO STARTS UP.

IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWED BY -
A ROAR OF THUNDER - OUTSIDE.
RAIN PELTS THE CEILING ABOVE US.
JUDITH (MOCK CONFESSIONAL) My name is Judith Ford and it’s
been 8 minutes since my last recording. In that time
I’ve committed the terrible sins of pouring myself a
very tall glass of whiskey and going number one in a
toilet that screams when you try to flush it.
JASE (ACROSS THE ROOM) It’s on my list.
JUDITH Ah, as you’ll recall from previous memo, everything
was going swimmingly. We were all set up to dive into
the 36 Questions - candles, whiskey, duck - when, of
course, my phone dies. Who should save us but Runaway
Husband himself, Jase Connolly. After pulling a few
hairs out of his perfect head, he kindly bowed to my
need for accountability and let us use his charger.
However, the only working outlet in this house
happens to be in his bedroom closet. So I’m quite
literally trapped in Jase’s closet.
À LA R. KELLY:
IN HIS CLOSET, IN HIS CLOSET, IN HIS CLOSET
THE DUCK QUACKS.
JASE (STILL ACROSS THE ROOM) Could you keep it down in
there, please? It’s okay, Henry. It’s just a woman in
our closet singing R. Kelly.
JUDITH (CHUCKLES) I have in my hand the printout of the
questions, aka: The Experimental Generation of
Interpersonal Closeness. As you know, these questions
hold a special significance to us because we asked
them to each other on our first date.
JASE'S FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING CLOSET.
CREAK OF CLOSET DOOR OPENING.
JASE (CLOSER) And you faked your answers. For the record.
CLOTHES HANGERS SKITTER ON A (CONTINUED)
ROD.
 32A.
CONTINUED: (41)
JUDITH Uh, I faked some answers, for the record. Now, you
remember the whole point of this experiment-
JASE (OVER) Mhmm
JUDITH -created by actual scientists, was to find out if a
certain set of questions can make two total
strangers- or, in this case, estranged persons- feel
super close. And super horny.
JASE (REPRIMANDING HER) Judith.
JUDITH I'm just reading the prompt.
JASE That is not a funny joke to make in my childhood
bedroom.
JUDITH (LAUGHING) Jase, um, I’m not going to jump your bones
under your, uh, super cool Trainspotting poster.
Besides, this is a first date. I’m not that kind of
lady. (SULTRY WHISPER) Or am I?
JASE Nobody knows.
JUDITH So, question one we asked out by the car: “If you
could have anyone over for dinner who would it be?”
We said each other. Good start to the night, I’d say.
Ah, do you want some wine, lover?
JASE Could you please not call me that? And yeah, okay,
I'll have some wine. But just a little bit.
THE SOUND OF WINE BEING POURED INTO A
GLASS.
JASE (CONT’D) That's good. That's good!
JUDITH The way it works is we take turns being the first to
ask. Since I asked Question 1, Question 2 has to come
from Jase.
JASE (CLEARS HIS THROAT) Question 2: "Would you like to be
famous? In what way?”
JUDITH Ah- no.

(CONTINUED)
 33.
CONTINUED: (42)
JASE No, what?
JUDITH No, I would not like to be famous.
JASE Okay. Why not?
JUDITH Well, that’s not really the question.
JASE Yeah, but you should probably extrapolate.
JUDITH Why? That’s extra credit.
JASE (SIGHS) Because I just got out of a relationship
where honesty was kind of an issue, so I’m looking
for someone who is an open book.
JUDITH I am an open book! You opened right to the page about
being famous and found two words: No, thanks.
JASE That's the absolute minimum. Which is very strange
for a first date. (FLUSTERED) Or not a- not a- well
not a first- whatever this is.
JUDITH (OVER) Mhm, yeah, mhm.
JASE Do you want to hear my answer?
JUDITH Of course!
JASE (CLEARS THROAT) I’d like to be famous for reforming
American education. And also for winning the
Bachelorette.
JUDITH (LAUGHS) Yes!
JASE Right? Yes. There. Now that's an answer. It tells you
something about me.
JUDITH Okay. Noted. I’ll try it out on the next one. Okay,
Question 3: “Before making a phone call, do you ever
rehearse what you are going to say? If so, why?”
JASE Mmm...I only rehearse calls when I know I’m going to
have to speak Spanish. Okay, your turn.
JUDITH I do not rehearse phone calls.
JASE Mhmm. And now you say why.
JUDITH Because- you know me, I rarely think about what I say
until I’ve already said it, and then forget what I
said shortly thereafter.
OPENING NOTES OF SONG 6."WE BOTH": A
GUITAR PICKING LIGHTLY.
(CONTINUED)
 34.
CONTINUED: (43)
JASE I know that was true of Natalie.
JUDITH Well, it’s also true of me. In fact, most of these
beginning questions are probably going to be the same
answers.
JASE Well, maybe you should change your answers then.
JUDITH Why should I change my answers?
JASE Because you’re supposed to be Judith now. I don’t
want to hear Natalie’s answers. We set her on fire in
a trash can, remember?
JUDITH I do.
JASE So let's get some Judith answers. At this point all I
know about you is you're a big fat liar and you were
born in Arizona. That's two strikes.
JUDITH Okay, ah, number one: rude. Two: that’s not true.
JASE Which part?
JUDITH That you only know two things about me. You know a
million things about me, Jase. You know more about me
than anyone in the world.
GUITAR NOTES RESOLVE ON A CHORD.
WHEN I WAS WITH YOU I WAS REAL
WHEN I WAS WITH YOU I COULD BE MYSELF
WHEN I WAS WITH YOU I DIDN’T FEEL
LOST, CONFUSED, OR FRIGHTENED
OR SCARED TO BE WHO I AM
WHEN I WAS WITH YOU I WAS REAL
WHISKEY BEING SWALLOWED. MUSIC CONTINUES.
JASE Well...that's a beautiful sentiment.
JUDITH It’s not a sentiment. It’s a fact. Ask me the next
question.
PAPER RUSTLING.
JASE Question 4: "What would constitute a perfect day for
you?"

(CONTINUED)
 35.
CONTINUED: (44)

JUDITH What do you think my answer is?

JASE I have no idea.
JUDITH You don’t know what I like?
JASE I- I know what you did like.
JUDITH It’s the same, Jase. That’s my point. It’s not like I
was lying about literally everything. Judith and
Natalie - we like the same things. Here, I can prove
it:
WE BOTH THINK YOU LOOK GREAT IN A KNIT SWEATER
WE BOTH ENJOY AN EMPTY CAFE
WE BOTH ARE ACTUAL HUMAN BEINGS TO WAITERS
WE BOTH ARE NOT TOTALLY STRAIGHT
NONE OF THAT CHANGES
NONE OF THAT HAS CHANGED.
Okay?
JASE (SKEPTICAL) Okay.
JUDITH WE BOTH LIKE DRINKING HOT TEA IN WARM WEATHER
WE BOTH LIKE PLAYING GUITAR
WE BOTH LIKE WHEN YOU TELL ME THE PLOTS OF BAD MOVIES
WE BOTH FORGET OUR CARD AT THE BAR
ALMOST ALWAYS

WHEN I WAS WITH YOU I WAS REAL

WHEN I WAS WITH YOU I COULD BE MYSELF
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
 36.
CONTINUED: (45)

WHEN I WAS WITH YOU I WAS REAL

LIKE AS REAL AS MY RETAINER THAT I LEFT AT YOUR HOUSE
ONE TIME
WHEN I AM WITH YOU I AM REAL
JUDITH (CONT’D Now, do you remember what I said the first time we
) did the questions? About my perfect day?
JASE Yes, you said that tomorrow could be the perfect day,
if we let it be.
JUDITH GIGGLES. WINE POURS INTO A GLASS.
JASE (CONT’D) That’s not the kind of answer you forget, especially
when the person answering it is wearing a low cut
blouse.
JUDITH You thinking about my blouse?
JASE (LAUGHING) I’m remembering it. Do you remember my
answer?
JUDITH The broad strokes. A picnic in the park with your
family, a mini-muffin basket for lunch, everyone
getting together under a big blanket and watching the
entire third season of The Office.
JASE Still true.
JUDITH And I’d still want to be there with you.

PAPER RUSTLES.
JUDITH (CONT’D Question 5: “When was the last time you sang to
) yourself? To someone else?”
JASE This afternoon, to Henry.
JUDITH What about to yourself?
JASE He only stayed for half.
JUDITH The last time I sang was on my way over here in the
car.
JASE (INCREDULOUS) You sang? What did you sing?
JUDITH OH I’M GONNA DIE OUT HERE
JASE Oh that hit, I forgot about that one.
JUDITH Yeah. And I think that counts as me singing to
someone else. Ask me the next one. (CONTINUED)
 36A.
CONTINUED: (46)
JASE Question 6: “If you were able to live to the age of
90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-
old for the last 60 years of your life, which would
you want?”
JUDITH Do you remember my answer?
JASE Body. Do you remember mine?
JUDITH Mind. Nothing has changed. We’re still a good half-
sexy team. Question 7: “Do you have a secret hunch
about how you will die?” You said that you thought
you were going to die in your car, but you weren’t
sure how.
JASE Right? And you said that you weren't afraid of death.
JUDITH And I’m still not. I’m only afraid of dying alone.
Read the next one.
JASE Question 8: “Name three things you and your partner
appear to have in common.”
JUDITH Easy.
WE BOTH ARE SUPER GOOD AT SETTLERS OF CATAN
WE BOTH BECOME MONSTERS WHEN WE LOSE
WE BOTH THINK WE HAVE THE BEST WORST NAME FOR A BAND
WE BOTH CHECK TWITTER FOR OUR NEWS
There’s four!
JASE WE BOTH SAY THE OTHER IS BETTER AT COOKING
WE BOTH HATE THAT KITCHEN ISLAND WE BUILT
WE BOTH NEED A GLASS OF WATER ON THE BEDSIDE TABLE
WE BOTH RECYCLE PURELY OUT OF GUILT
BOTH WE BOTH HAVE DREAMS MUCH BIGGER THAN OURSELVES
WE BOTH THINK THAT’S HOW TO LIVE
WE BOTH PUT UP A FIGHT FOR ALL THE RIGHT REASONS
AND WE BOTH EVENTUALLY GIVE

(CONTINUED)
 37.
CONTINUED: (47)

JASE I TRIED SO HARD TO SEPARATE

WHO YOU ARE FROM WHO YOU WERE
BUT NOW I’M REEVALUATING
HOW SIMILAR YOU ARE TO HER
YOU HAVE THE SAME VOICE
AND THE SAME
CADENCE WHEN YOU SPEAK
IF I CLOSE MY EYES
YOU STILL SOUND TO ME LIKE
NATALIE
WAS I IN LOVE WITH NATALIE
OR WHO’S RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME?
I ADMIT THAT I FEEL
JUDITH (SIMULTANEOUS)
WHEN I WAS WITH YOU I WAS REAL
WHEN I WAS WITH YOU I COULD BE MYSELF
WHEN I AM WITH YOU I CAN FEEL
BOTH SHIVERS RUNNING DOWN MY SPINE
YOUR SKIN CLOSE TO MINE
IT’S LIKE
MY FIVE SENSES
MAKE MY HEART DEFENSELESS
WITH YOU
WHEN I AM WITH YOU I AM REAL
WITH YOU
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
 38.
CONTINUED: (48)

WHEN I AM WITH YOU I AM ACTUALLY TOO REAL

WITH YOU
WHEN I AM WITH YOU EVERYTHING FEELS SO REAL

SONG 6. “WE BOTH” ENDS.

THUNDER.
JUDITH I don’t want to jinx it but I think this first date
is going great.
JASE (BEWILDERED) What is happening?
JUDITH You’re letting your guard down, Jase. The questions
are working their magic on you.
JASE That is not true. My guard is up. I’ve got walls!
JUDITH Okay, I think we need more wine. Don’t you? I’ll be
right back. I’m gonna leave this charging.
JASE Okay, okay, okay, but the bottles in the—-
JUDITH Jase. Relax. It’s me, remember? I’ll make sure we
don’t drink your Mums' fancy world class vino.
Yellowtail or bust.
THE DOOR CREAKS OPEN, JUDITH'S FOOTSTEPS.
JUDITH (CONT’D While I’m downstairs, maybe you can think about what
) you’re grateful for.
JASE Okay.
THE DOOR CLOSES BEHIND HER.
FOOTSTEPS GOING DOWN STAIRS.
JASE (CONT’D) I’ll just be in here, then.
JASE (CONT’D) Henry, can you move over so I can-
DUCK QUACKING, SHIFTING OVER.
JASE (CONT’D) (BIG SIGH) (QUIETLY) We don’t believe her, right
Henry? You’re skeptical. I’m skeptical, too. She
doesn’t seem sorry. At all. Which is bizarre, right?
I mean, I guess I should be grateful, that Natalie
and Judith are both terrible at accepting any kind of
blame. (CONTINUED)
 38A.
CONTINUED: (49)

RUSTLING OF FEATHERS.
JASE (CONT’D) Exactly. Because if she'd apologized, I'd forgive
her. You know I’m a total sucker for an apology.
Remember that time you pooped in my box of journals?
MORE RUSTLING OF FEATHERS, GENTLE
QUACKING UNDER THE FOLLOWING:
JASE (CONT’D) Water under the bridge, buddy. No, you’re right,
you're right- you're right. I'm just gonna stay
strong. This is worth it. I'm gonna learn the truth
without falling back in love with her.
CACOPHONY: WIRES SIZZLING, THUNDER,
CRASHING SOUNDS, DUCK FREAKING OUT.
JASE (CONT’D) Whoa!
JUDITH (SHOUTING, ACROSS THE HOUSE) Jase?
JASE (SHOUTING, ACROSS THE HOUSE) Yeah.
JUDITH (SHOUTING, ACROSS THE HOUSE) Uh- the lights are off.
JASE (UNDER HIS BREATH) Really?
(SHOUTING, ACROSS THE HOUSE) Yeah, I know. Are you
okay?
JUDITH Yeah, uh- yeah. It's just very dark.
SOMETHING CLATTERS.
JUDITH (CONT’D That wasn't me.
)
SOMETHING SHATTERS.
JUDITH (CONT’D That... was.
)

(CONTINUED)
 39.
CONTINUED: (50)

JASE (SHOUTING TO JUDITH) You know what, stay put. I’ll

bring your phone down.
DUCK QUACKS, JASE GETS UP.
(TO HIMSELF) Oh, great. Which is still recording.
Because of course you wouldn’t turn it off. Why would
you? Okay, so, for the record, the - uh - power is
off, and it’s pitch black in here and I can hear
water in the walls and I think I’m about to enter a
dissociative state but at least we’re going to
capture it all for later reference. Something to play
back for my psychiatric panel. Okay, come here,
Henry-
JASE LIFTS THE DUCK INTO HIS ARMS;
FLAPPING.
(TO HENRY) Okay, hold on buddy, we’re gonna go down
the stairs.
WALKING OUT THE DOOR AND DOWN THE STAIRS.
THE STORM FEELS LOUDER IN THE FOYER.
JASE (CONT’D) (TO HENRY) Okay. We’re just gonna ignore those sounds
because we’re not 100% sure what they are, buddy.
It's okay.
SOMETHING FALLS DOWN.
JUDITH (ACROSS THE ROOM) Jase.
JASE (TO JUDITH, LOUDLY) Yeah, I’m almost there.
JUDITH Okay, I-I just want to make sure you’re hearing the
same sounds as me.
JASE Yeah, it’s just the house caving in on us.
THE DUCK QUACKS.
JUDITH I hear Henry. Are you holding him, or is he
levitating towards me?
JUDITH LAUGHS, MUCH CLOSER THAN BEFORE.
JASE Here’s your phone.
JUDITH Thank you.
THE LANDLINE RINGS.
(CONTINUED)
 40.
CONTINUED: (51)
JUDITH (CONT’D Uh, whoa. House phone still works.
)
JASE The house phone was never not working. Trust me.
JUDITH I didn’t even realize you had one.
STILL RINGING...
JUDITH (CONT’D Jase?
)
JASE No one calls it but my moms. And sometimes this older
guy named Jerry, but I think he’s just confused.
JUDITH (LAUGHS). Uh, which one do you think it is?
JASE My moms. They have that mom sense, you know.
STILL RINGING...
JUDITH Are you gonna answer it?
JASE So I can tell them you’re not here? No, I don’t think
so. I'm a terrible liar.
THE CELLPHONE BEEPS.
JUDITH Ah, damn it. My phone jumped from 8% to 5%. That
little bastard!
JASE I guess that's the end of the record.
JUDITH Oh, you wish, dude.
LANDLINE STILL RINGING.
JUDITH (CONT’D There has to be some way we can charge it. Ah - how
) about your truck! D'you have a charger in there?
JASE I'm not- no. No, we are not going to sit in my truck
in the middle of a thunderst-
THE VOICE MEMO ENDS.

(CONTINUED)
 41.
CONTINUED: (52)

VOICE MEMO STARTS UP.

WE ARE IN A CAR.
TIRES ON ASPHALT.
RAIN ON WINDOWS.
JUDITH (VERY CHEERFUL) Greetings from our lives on the road.
Jase decided it was too weird and possibly too sexy
to sit in his truck without going somewhere, so now
we’re driving around his old neighborhood, looking
for make-out spots.
JASE We’re actually pretty close to that playground me and
Carl used to stand on top of and hit golf balls off
in the middle of the night.
JUDITH Counterpoint: we don’t do that. We find somewhere
together. I dug pretty deep into the glove
compartment and found one of those maps that has a
cartoon version of every point of interest. So I’ve
winnowed it down to three possible dream
destinations. One of them is a motel.
JASE No.
JUDITH (LAUGHS DEVIOUSLY) ...one of them is Applebee's,
which I know you love, because you're an American
Boy. And one of them is a putt putt course, which
sounds like the place to be in a thunderstorm.
THE DUCK QUACKS.
JUDITH (CONT’D Oh! (LAUGHING) And we brought the duck. Jase thought
) it would be too cruel to keep him in the dark alone
so he’s riding around with us in the back seat. You
want more Cheerios, Henry?
SHAKING OF CHEERIOS IN A BOX.
THE DUCK QUACKS, HAPPY.
JUDITH (CONT’D Perfect segue into Question 9: "For what in life are
) you most grateful?”
JASE Ah, well - I have a lot to be grateful for. That’s
the silver lining of your life blowing up. You become
acutely aware of what you actually have. I have
wonderful parents. I have a job that I love. I have a
duck in my back seat, eating Cheerios out of my...
estranged wife’s hands.
(CONTINUED)
 42.
CONTINUED: (53)
JUDITH I, for one, am grateful for second chances. (SECOND
GUESSING HERSELF) Ooh, I don’t know - that - that
sounds cheesy.
JASE That’s not cheesy. That’s honest. That’s real.
JUDITH Ah, branch!
JASE I see it.
JUDITH Okay. So that brings us to Question 10. Which I’ll
read for you, since you’re operating a moving vehicle
and we are smart.
JASE Oh yeah. Definitely smart.
JUDITH Question 10 is to me, “If you could change anything
about the way you were raised, what would it be?”
A BEAT.
WE CAN HEAR THE WINDSHIELD WIPERS IN THE
RAIN.
JASE You hear that, Henry? That’s what we call a pregnant
pause.
JUDITH (SCOFFS) Uh, okay. Not pregnant. Can I just say my
answer is "literally everything"?
JASE Well, last time you said you wished your parents were
alive.
JUDITH So glad you remember that. Really good memory, Jase.
CAR INDICATOR BEGINS TO CLICK IN RHYTHM.
JASE That's not true anymore?
JUDITH (GETS CLOSER TO THE PHONE) Yeah, I’d like to put my
answer on the record as “everything.”
JASE Whoa, whoa, whoa- it just dawned on me that your
parents might actually be alive. Are your parents
alive?
CYMBAL JOINS THE INDICATOR'S RHYTHM.
JUDITH Yes. My parents are alive. Regrettably.
JASE (OVER) Oh, my god. Are you kidding me? So the story
that you told me about the car accident was a total
lie.

(CONTINUED)
 42A.
CONTINUED: (54)
JUDITH It- it was partially true. Except the outcome. They
did get in a really bad car accident once. But they
were fine. My dad had to wear a hand brace.
JASE A hand brace!? You are unbelievable!
JUDITH And I can’t believe we’re still at this light!
JASE Who tells someone they just met that their parents
are dead?
JUDITH Someone who really didn’t want you to meet her
parents. Trust me: they are the worst.
JASE Oh, trust you?
JUDITH (STERN) Yes. Trust me.
JASE So why did you tell me that?
JUDITH (FRUSTRATED) Ask me the question you're supposed to.
JASE Fine. “Question 10: If you could change anything
about the way you were raised, what would it be?"
SONG 7. “OUR WORD” BEGINS.
JUDITH WHEN I WAS A LITTLE GIRL
LIKE REALLY LITTLE - LIKE EIGHT OR SO
I WAS PLAYING IN MY FATHER’S STUDY
A PLACE IN THE HOUSE I WASN’T SUPPOSED TO GO

MY FATHER FANCIED HIMSELF A SAILOR

HIS STUDY WAS FILLED WITH NAUTICAL DECOR
HE KEPT A BOAT IN A BOTTLE ON THE TOP OF A SHELF
AND IT SHATTERED ON THE GROUND WHEN I SLAMMED THE
DOOR
I TOLD MY MOTHER EVERYTHING
I TOLD HER I WAS SO SO SORRY
SHE TOLD ME "DON’T CRY
WHEN HE COMES HOME TONIGHT
WE CAN MAKE EVERYTHING OKAY
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
 43.
CONTINUED: (55)

THIS IS ALL WE HAVE TO SAY:

WE DON’T REMEMBER A BOAT IN A BOTTLE

IT MUST HAVE FALLEN OFF ITS SHELF ALONE
WE KNOW YOU LOVED IT
WE’RE SO SAD IT’S BROKEN
BUT NEITHER ONE OF US WAS EVEN HOME

AND IT’S OUR WORD YES, OUR WORD, AGAINST HIS"

SO I HID SCREWUPS FROM MY FATHER

MADE UP SCHOOL AWARDS TO PLEASE MY MOM
WHATEVER MADE THE STEAK TASTE BETTER
WHATEVER KEPT THE WATERS CALM

I WAS TOLD TO KEEP THEIR SECRETS

AND IN TURN THEY’D KEEP MINE
AS I GOT OLDER, I GOT DUMBER
I COULDN’T HELP BUT CROSS THE LINE

THREE TIMES I NEARLY WRECKED MY LIFE

THREE TIMES I NEARLY CAME TO RUIN
THREE TIMES WENT CRYING
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
 44-45.
CONTINUED: (56)

TO MY PARENTS
WHO SAID THEY’D MAKE IT GO AWAY
YES, THIS IS ALL WE HAD TO SAY:

“WE NEVER RENTED A HOUSE IN SEDONA

WE DIDN’T SEE CAMILLE THE DAY SHE DIED
WE HAVEN’T BEEN ON OUR BOAT IN SOME YEARS NOW
SO WE DON’T CARE WHAT YOU FOUND INSIDE

AND IT’S OUR WORD YES, OUR WORD

IT’S OUR WORD YES, OUR WORD AGAINST THEIRS.”

SOMEBODY WAS PAID TO MAKE IT GO AWAY

EVERYONE WAS PAID TO MAKE THE PROBLEMS GO AWAY
DOESN'T MATTER WHO GETS SCREWED OR WHO IS BLAMED
OR WHAT YOU NEED TO DO TO CLEAR YOUR NAME
AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH CAN BE EASILY ERASED

WHEN I WAS TWENTY-SIX

I WAS LIVING IN NEW YORK
I DEVELOPED SOME FUN HABITS
PUT MY WHITE BLOOD CELLS TO WORK

I REMEMBER IT SO CLEARLY
I WAS HOME ALONE ON A TUESDAY NIGHT
TO LEVEL OUT I POPPED SOME DOWNERS
BUT COULDN’T SEEM TO GET MY MIND RIGHT

(CONTINUED)
 44-45A.
CONTINUED: (57)

I DREW A BATH, AND SLIPPED INTO IT

AND SUDDENLY BECAME AWARE
I COULDN’T KEEP MY HEAD ABOVE WATER
I TOOK A FINAL GASP OF AIR

AND AS I LAY THERE HELPLESSLY

A MILLION DIFFERENT THOUGHTS CAME TO ME
I SAW MY PARENTS
HEARING THE NEWS
“YOUR ONLY DAUGHTER DROWNED TODAY”
I THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT THEY MIGHT SAY

“OUR DAUGHTER JUDITH?

NO SHE MOVED TO AUSTIN
SHE’S VERY HAPPY THERE
OR SO WE HEAR
SHE’S ALWAYS BEEN SO GODDAMNED INDEPENDENT
THE YEARS GO BY AND NOW WE BARELY SEE HER

OUR DAUGHTER JUDITH? YOU MUST BE MISTAKEN

YOU MEAN THE GIRL WE RAISED AS IF OUR OWN?
WE LOVED HER SO MUCH
SHE FELT LIKE OUR CHILD
BUT EVENTUALLY WE HAD TO SEND HER HOME”

IT’D BE THEIR WORD

ONLY THEIR WORD
IT’D BE THEIR WORD
(MORE) (CONTINUED)
 44-45B.
CONTINUED: (58)

ONLY THEIR WORD

ON ITS OWN
SONG 7. “OUR WORD” ENDS.
JUDITH (CONT’D Uh. The light.
)
JASE (DAZED) What?
JUDITH The light changed. You can go.
JASE Oh. Sorry.
THE CAR PULLS AHEAD.
TURN SIGNAL OUT.
JUDITH That was way too much.
JASE No.
JUDITH Did I even answer the question?
JASE I think so.
JUDITH I haven’t thought about that stuff in so long.
JASE Let me just get this straight. You drowned.
JUDITH Yeah. I was dead for three minutes. Spoiler alert:
death is an endless void of nothingness.
JASE (TAKING IT IN) Alright.
CAR INDICATOR CLICKS AGAIN.
THE CAR SLOWS DOWN AND PARKS ON GRAVEL.
JUDITH Wh- what are we doing? Why are we stopped?
KEY TURNS. CAR OFF.
JASE (OVER) Judith, I’m sorry.
JUDITH (TERSE) For what?
JASE I’m sorry your parents messed you up.
JUDITH (LAUGHS UNCOMFORTABLY) Thanks, man.

(CONTINUED)
 46.
CONTINUED: (59)
JASE No, I mean it. Look at me. I’m sorry your parents set
a bad example for you. That wasn’t fair.
JUDITH Yeah, well, you don’t get to pick. (BEAT) What about
you, would you change anything?
JASE I guess at this point I would ask my parents to raise
me to be less trusting.
JUDITH (SMILING) You’d ask them. That’s adorable.
JASE Anyway, I just wanted to- say that.
CAR TURNS BACK ON.
JUDITH Oh- wait, wait. Don't- ah! This is the spot!
FLUTTER OF A PAPER MAP.
JASE What do you mean? We’re pulled over on the highway.
JUDITH Uh, not half a mile from the motel! See? (TRIUMPHANT)
All we had to do was drive and we ended up exactly
where we needed to be.
JASE We are not going to a motel.
JUDITH You know, you’re right. A motel's a little too quick
for right now. We still got lots of these questions
to get through. The beach it is, then.
JASE The beach?
JUDITH Yeah, man! Do you hear the waves?
SEATBELT UNCLICKS.
I feel the ocean calling me.
DOOR OPENS.
CARS WHIZZING PAST.
JASE Judith, wait- Henry, no. Don't go anywhere, we are
not going anywhere.
JUDITH (FROM OUTSIDE) Ooh. You’re probably going to want
your jacket because you’re a Chilly Willy. We’ll be
right back, Henry. We’ll just be right over that
dune, making love to each other.
JASE (SIGHS) That’s not true, Henry.

(CONTINUED)
 47-52.
CONTINUED: (60)
JUDITH Okay, he gets it, Jase. You don’t have to treat him
like a baby. (CAJOLING) Come on. Before it starts
raining again. Oh, we should probably bring the
Seagrams, right? Okay, I’m going to bring the
Seagrams. You coming, Jase?
A BEAT.
KEYS JANGLE OUT OF THE IGNITION.
JASE Okay.
THE VOICE MEMO ENDS.

(CONTINUED)
 47-52A.
CONTINUED:

36 QUESTIONS
ACT 2 - PART B

VOICE MEMO STARTS UP.

THE SOOTHING SOUNDS OF WAVES LAPPING THE
SHORE.
A SEAGULL CAWS IN THE DISTANCE.
IT’S VERY WINDY.
JASE (CONT’D) (FAR AWAY) It’s very windy out here.
JUDITH For the record, we’re on the beach and it is very
windy. I told you to bring your jacket!
JASE Could you please shine a light over here? I think my
beanie blew into the ocean.
JUDITH I have it.
JASE You do?
JUDITH No, I just said that so you’d stop looking for it.
JASE Judith!
JUDITH I want to take advantage of this perfect moment
before it rains again!
JASE What exactly is perfect about this moment?
JUDITH You’re here. I’m here. I told you I lied about my
parents and that I died and you didn’t push me out of
the car. Come here! If your head is cold, stick it
inside my blazer.
JASE What?!
JUDITH If you get close enough we can put my blazer over our
heads and talk to the record there.
You are an actual lunatic. There’s no way that we’re
both going to fit-
THE VOICE MEMO ENDS.
VOICE MEMO STARTS UP.
WE’RE EXTREMELY CLOSE TO JUDITH AND JASE.
(CONTINUED)
THEY’RE EXTREMELY CLOSE TO EACH OTHER.
 47-52B.
CONTINUED: (2)

UNDER A BLAZER ON A WINDY BEACH.

JUDITH (CONT’D Are you comfortable?
)
JASE (SIGHING) Oh yeah. Super comfy. This isn’t weird at
all.
JUDITH Good. Question 11: “Take 4 minutes and tell your
partner your life story in as much detail as
possible.” Can you stand to be out here 8 more
minutes?
JASE I don’t think we need 8 minutes. You know my life
story.
JUDITH That’s true. I wouldn’t mind hearing it again.
JASE Okay. Well. Two moms. Grew up around here. Ish. One
brother, older, who is married and living in Palm
Springs with his husband and my niece. I always
wanted to be a teacher. And then I became one. Lost
my virginity at 21. Thank you, Lisa Coolman. Dated
this girl for a few years in college who grew up to
be a famous journalist. I think- am I going too fast?
JUDITH I’m not timing you.
JASE Then my moms moved to Austin and I moved to Austin
and then I met you. And we got married really fast,
though everyone said it was a bad idea. And then we
... had our life together, for a couple years, which
was nice, and then - I dunno. Now we’re here. On the
beach. Under your blazer.
JUDITH And how do you feel about that?
JASE That’s not the question.
JUDITH Oh, he’s learning.
JASE Okay, I want to know your life story. Your real life
story. Was the computer summer camp with the soft
serve machine real?
JUDITH (LAUGHING) Oh yeah. That was real. That stuff. That’s
me.
BEGINNING NOTES OF SONG 8. "A BETTER
VERSION" ON A FARAWAY PIANO.
JASE So you were born in Phoenix...
JUDITH Yeah. I was born in Phoenix. My parents were - are -
what I think are colloquially referred to as Monster
(CONTINUED)
People. Um, I lived in New York for a bit. I got laid
for the first time when I was fifteen.
 47-52C.
CONTINUED: (3)
JASE Kevin McKinney?
JUDITH Yeah. Kevin McKinney. Couldn’t make him up. Did make
up where it happened, though. Because it was actually
on my parents' yacht.
JASE (DISGUSTED) Oh, god.
JUDITH My first time was actually on a yacht.
JASE That definitely changes things.
JUDITH Mhm, yeah, I think there might have been a small
uptick in the asshole-meter.
JASE Yeah.
JUDITH Uh, anyway - I did the twenties thing. Was a writer
for a while. Then a nanny. Then I died. Then I moved
to Denver. Then I moved to Seattle. Then I moved to
Austin.
JASE Hold on. Slow down.
JUDITH What’s the matter?
JASE You’re skipping over a lot of stuff. When did you
live in Denver?
JUDITH Jase.
JASE What?
JUDITH The prompt is “Tell your life story, in as much
detail as possible.”
JASE Details. Yes.
JUDITH I’m trying to tell you the honest details. The
details of my life. The life I want to tell you
about. And I’m getting to that, okay?
JASE Okay.
JUDITH Thank you.
JASE So you moved to Austin and then what.
JUDITH (WARMLY) Well, that’s where my life really started.

MY LIFE STARTED WHEN I

WENT FOR A JOG
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
 47-52D.
CONTINUED: (4)

AND SPOTTED YOU IN THE PARK

SITTING WITH A DOG
SO I STOPPED AND ASKED,
“CAN I PET YOUR DOG?”
And so there we were, me and this golden retriever,
basking in the abundance of sun Austin provides and
suddenly you blurted out,
“THIS ISN’T MY DOG.
ACTUALLY, IT’S MY FRIEND’S DOG, SHEILA
I’M TAKING CARE OF HER WHILE HE’S AWAY
SHE’S ON A LOT OF MEDICATION.”

AND I LAUGHED AND YOU LAUGHED

SAYING YOU DIDN’T WANT TO BE FOUND OUT
WHEN YOU ASKED ME TO COFFEE
AND THERE WAS NO DOG

I SAID YES
AND YOU SAID
“I’M JASE, WHAT’S YOUR NAME?”

AND I HEARD THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY

TO BE SOMEONE ELSE ENTIRELY
FREE FROM MY HISTORY
FOR ONE SINGLE CUP OF COFFEE
I WOULD BE NATALIE
Obviously, that’s not how it went down. One cup of
coffee turned into two bottles of wine, three
desserts and staying up talking until four in the
morning. Too late to backpedal, too good not to keep
going.
(MORE) (CONTINUED)
 47-52E.
CONTINUED: (5)

IT FELT LIKE MY LIFE BUT A BETTER VERSION

WITH YOU IN MY LIFE I WAS A BETTER PERSON
I HEARD MUSIC IN THE WORDS YOU WERE SAYING
MELODIES WITH NO BAND PLAYING
FOR THE FIRST TIME I WAS
IN LOVE
AND I LOVED
WHO I WAS WITH YOU.

ALL THE MUNDANE SHIT I USED TO HATE LIKE

RECYCLING PLASTIC AND FLOSSING EVERYDAY
MAKING BREAKFAST, PAYING BILLS
WATERING THE PLANTS ON OUR WINDOWSILL
WAS INVIGORATED WITH YOUR SENSE OF WONDER.

PILLOW TALK, AFTERNOON WALKS

HOLDING HANDS IN THE PARKING LOT
OF HOME DEPOT, DEALING WITH INEVITABLE
MISFORTUNES THAT WERE BARELY MANAGEABLE
LIKE THAT TIME WE ACCIDENTALLY HIT A SQUIRREL WITH
YOUR CAR.
THAT WAS AN UNFORTUNATE ANECDOTE
BUT DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

IT FELT LIKE MY LIFE BUT A BETTER VERSION

WITH YOU IN MY LIFE I WAS A BETTER PERSON
I HEARD MUSIC IN THE WORDS YOU WERE SAYING
MELODIES WITH NO BAND PLAYING
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
 47-52F.
CONTINUED: (6)

FOR THE FIRST TIME I WAS

IN LOVE
AND I LOVED
WHO I WAS WITH YOU.

MY PARENTS FINALLY TRACKED ME DOWN

AFTER YEARS OF JUMPING FROM TOWN TO TOWN
THEY FOUND
YOU AND ME
MEN IN SUITS AT OUR FRONT DOOR
ASKING YOU ABOUT JUDITH FORD
AND I KNEW
INSTANTLY

THEY SAY BEFORE YOU DIE

YOUR WHOLE LIFE FLASHES BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES
WELL IT DIDN’T THE FIRST TIME
BUT THIS TIME I HEARD
EACH AND EVERY LIE
I’D EVER TOLD YOU
I TRIED TO CLING TO
THE LIFE I’D MADE
TOGETHER WITH YOU
SO I DID THE ONLY THING I KNEW HOW TO
I DENIED WHO I WAS BECAUSE

I WANTED TO KEEP MY LIFE, BUT THE BETTER VERSION

NATALIE, YOUR WIFE, SHE WAS A BETTER PERSON
(MORE) (CONTINUED)
 47-52G.
CONTINUED: (7)

I MEMORIZED YOUR VOICE AND HOW YOU SAY GOODBYE

BUT YOU NEVER SAID GOODBYE, YOU NEVER SAID GOODBYE
AND I HELD ONTO OUR LIFE
AND WHO I WAS WITH YOU
WHO I WAS WITH YOU
WHO I WAS WITH YOU.
SONG 8. “A BETTER VERSION” ENDS.
JUDITH (CONT’D Jase, I'm... I'm sorry. I-
)
THE PHONE DROPS INTO SAND.
THE WIND BLOWS OUT THE MIC.
THEY’RE NOT SAYING ANYTHING.
JUDITH LAUGHS.
JASE LAUGHS.
THEIR LAUGHING GETS LOUDER.
THE PHONE IS PICKED BACK UP.
I happen to know for a fact there’s a motel just down
the road.
JASE No.
JUDITH (SNORTS)
JASE (LAUGHING) No!
JUDITH Yes!
JASE I can't- I’m not going to a-
THE VOICE MEMO ENDS.
VOICE MEMO STARTS UP.
JASE (CONT’D) (À LA THE THEME SONG TO “FRASIER”)
BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THOSE TOSSED SALADS
AND SCRAMBLED EGGS
THEY'RE CALLING AGAIN-
BOTH LAUGHING.
(CONTINUED)
 47-52H.
CONTINUED: (8)

JASE MUMBLING UNDER THE FOLLOWING.

JUDITH Greetings from our motel room, Future Judith. If
you’re wondering why Jase was just singing the theme
song to Frasier, it’s because on the way up here from
the-
JASE (OVER) Wait, wait, wait- no, no, no- I need to
explain it. Let me explain it. Because I'm gonna-
you're not going to explain it right.
(TOO CLOSE TO US) Because I'm telling you I heard
someone in the room listening to Frasier, watching
Frasier. She says that she did NOT hear it. But if I
didn’t hear it, then why is the theme song of Frasier
stuck in my head?
JUDITH Sound logic for nearly ten o'clock, eastern time.
Also, seeing as we have been exchanging swigs from a
bottle of Seagrams for the past forty minutes. Only a
few questions were asked before I realized that I had
turned off the voice memo after — oh, what was it?
Oh, I remember.
JASE What?
JUDITH Jase KISSED me.
JASE I’m gonna find it. I can prove it.
JUDITH Uh huh. Prove what?
JASE Prove that Frasier is on, somewhere in this hotel.
Or, motel.
TV CLICKS ON.
JUDITH Okay. So we did Question 12: “If you could wake up
tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability,
what would it be?” and Jase said-
JASE (CLOSE TO THE PHONE) I said flight, baby. I want to
fly like a baby bird. Like a duck. I miss Henry.
JUDITH (LAUGHING) Aw, me too. I think he’s very comfortable
in his little backseat nest, though.
JASE God, this Frasier thing is really bugging me out-
JUDITH I answered, going off of the super hero theme, that I
would like to be able to shape shift. A la Mystique.
Can you- can you put that on mute?
JASE I can’t find it.
JUDITH I believe you, Jase. (CONTINUED)
 47-52I.
CONTINUED: (9)
JASE That’s right.
JUDITH Agh, I believe you heard it!
JASE Yes, I know that it's on somewhere. Did you say you
wanted to split a candy bar?
JUDITH I will have one bite of a candy bar.
THE MINI FRIDGE OPENS.
JASE (DELIGHTED) Oooh!
JUDITH Question 13 was, “If a crystal ball could tell you
the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or
anything else, what would you want to know?” He’d
want to know if... how’d you phrase it?
JASE "Will my capacity to forgive be my downfall?" Oh,
they have Toblerone.
JUDITH Mmm, the most romantic of candy bars.
JASE I’m going for it!
MINI FRIDGE SLAMS SHUT. WRAPPER OF A
TOBLERONE CRINKLES.
JUDITH I said I wanted a crystal ball to tell me if I’m
actually good in bed. Which is true and embarrassing
and—
JASE (WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHOCOLATE) And honest. Honest.
Which is the reason for the season.
JUDITH (LAUGHS) Question 14 was “Is there something that
you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t
you done it?” Jase said he’d never done sexy cosplay.
SPRINGS GROAN AS JASE JUMPS ON THE BED.
Weird Doctor Who bedroom stuff. What was your reason
for not doing it?
JASE This bed is so bouncy! I said that, I don’t- I feel
like I couldn't do the role justice. Lots of scarf
stuff. Scarf stuff. Scarf stuff.
BOUNCING CONTINUES UNDER THE FOLLOWING.

(CONTINUED)
 53-55.
CONTINUED: (10)
JUDITH Gimme that- (WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHOCOLATE) I changed
my answer to his because that sounded fun. Question
15 was “What is the greatest accomplishment of your
life?”
JASE Student loan! High five!
THEY HIGH FIVE.
JUDITH Right. Jase’s was paying off his student loan. Mine
was winning two episodes of Wheel of Fortune, which
Jase was there for.
JASE This is actually a lot of chocolate.
JUDITH You don’t have to eat it.
JASE I’m not going to eat it- all of it. Just some of it.
THEY CONTINUE TO EAT CHOCOLATE.
JUDITH Question 16 was “What do you value most in a
friendship?” I said dependability. He said honesty.
Both pretty pointed answers, I'd say, considering I
lied and you left.
JASE Yeah.
AWKWARD BEAT.
DISTANT CHEERING FROM THE TV.
JUDITH Speed round! What do you say?
JASE Yeah! Speed round. Love it.
PAPER CRINKLING.
JUDITH (FAST) Question 17, “What is your most treasured
memory?”
JASE (FAST) My mom teaching me "Edelweiss" on the piano.
JUDITH For me it was our wedding. Hands down. Best night of
my life.
JASE Okay, Question 18: “What is your most terrible
memory?”
JUDITH Uh, dying. That was pretty bad. The day you found I
had a fake name sucked. Finding out you skipped town
without telling me where you were going super sucked.
JASE Okay, gotta pick one.
JUDITH You leaving, then. Your turn.
(CONTINUED)
 53-55A.
CONTINUED: (11)
JASE My most terrible memory had to be finding out you
were lying to me. And then having to tell my moms
they were right. Ugh, I hated them for being so
right. I especially hated you. (LAUGHS AWKWARDLY).
Sorry. Shouldn't've said that.
JUDITH No, that’s good. That's honest.
JASE Y'know, I think I need another adult beverage. What’s
the next question?
JUDITH “Question 19: If you knew that in one year you were
going to die suddenly, would you change anything
about the way you are now living? Why?”
JASE Uh, yes. I would do myself a huge favor and stop
caring about what people think of me and live my life
the way I want to live it. And well, there would be
no repercussions because I’d be dying, so - who
cares, right? Seems easier.
JUDITH Dying, you mean?
JASE No. No, no, no, no, no, that’s not what I meant. I
don’t want to die. No. I just- I guess I'm saying at
this point it would be easier than having to explain
to every single important person in my life why
you’re back in the picture.
JUDITH Am I back in the picture?
JASE What do you mean?
JUDITH Are you taking me back? Are we together?
JASE Um...
JUDITH What?
JASE That’s not the question.
JUDITH Isn’t that the only question?
JASE Well - I’m still undecided.
JUDITH You kissed me and you’re undecided.
JASE We’re only on Question 19!
JUDITH Suddenly you care about the questions!

(CONTINUED)
 56.
CONTINUED: (12)
JASE I’m doing them, aren’t I?
JUDITH You are.
JASE Do you not care about the questions? Listen, I guess
I want it on record that I haven’t agreed to
anything.
JUDITH Yeah, you just opened the door, you burned my
documents-
JASE Because you told me to!
JUDITH You kissed me on the beach, Jase. Did I tell you to
do that?
A BEAT.
JASE (MUFFLED SIGH) Okay. You know what? I- I’m gonna take
a little break to go check on Henry.
JUDITH You want me to go with you?
JASE No, that’s alright. I think I just need a moment off
the record, if that’s okay with you.
KEYS GRABBED OFF COUNTER.
JUDITH For the record, Jase just grabbed his keys off the
counter.
JASE Why is that relevant?
JUDITH Why is any of it relevant?
JASE You’re acting like I’m doing something sinister. I’m
just checking on Henry.
JUDITH I'm only trying to say what was happening.
JASE (SARCASTIC) Keys. These are my truck keys. Which I am
using to open the truck to check on Henry.
JUDITH So do it.
JASE Your energy is so weird right now.
JUDITH I’m a little on edge.
JASE Well, you can relax.
JUDITH Don't tell me to relax.
JASE You’re acting like I’m up to something.
JUDITH I’m not trying to.
(CONTINUED)
 57-58.
CONTINUED: (13)
JASE You really think I’m going to drive away? After all
this?
JUDITH You’ve done it before.
JASE Okay, Judith.
JUDITH I'm not wrong.
JASE It was unnecessary.
JUDITH It was honest.
JASE You’re insinuating I have something up my sleeve. I'm
not the liar in this relationship.
JUDITH No, you’re the one who vanishes into thin air!
JASE Wow! That’s a little dramatic, even for you. I sat
you down, gave you a chance to explain.
JUDITH And then you disappeared.
JASE Because you lied to me. And then you lied to me about
lying to me.
JUDITH And I said I was sorry I did that! So when are you
going to let me off the hook?
JASE Let you off the hook?
JUDITH Yeah. When do I get out of "Lie Jail".
JASE That’s not how it works.
JUDITH Then tell me how it works.
JASE Tell you how it works.
JUDITH Yes, tell me how it works.
JASE I’m never going to be able to trust you again! (BEAT)
No matter what happens, no matter how this night
ends. That’s just the reality.
OPENING NOTES OF SONG 9. "REALITY".
JUDITH "That’s just the reality." And that reality isn’t
something you have any control over.
JASE That’s what makes it reality.
JUDITH Okay, so clearly I’m not living in reality. Ha!
That’s my problem. So, wait, when you kissed me
twenty minutes ago, that wasn’t reality?
(CONTINUED)
 57-58A.
CONTINUED: (14)
JASE That- (SIGHS). That was... me wanting what I can’t
have.
JUDITH Or maybe you won’t let yourself have it. Jase. Jase?

(CONTINUED)
 59.
CONTINUED: (15)
JASE I HAVE TO LEAVE YOU BEHIND
I KNOW THAT SOUNDS HARSH
BUT THAT’S THE REALITY

I WISH WE HAD OUR OLD LIFE

BUT THAT SHIT'S IMPOSSIBLE
THAT’S JUST REALITY

I SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU THE MINUTE YOU CAME

BUT YOU SOUNDED DISTRAUGHT STANDING OUT IN THE RAIN
AND I WANTED TO LET YOU IN, SWALLOW YOUR PAIN
BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT I ALWAYS DO

BUT I MADE A PACT WITH MY MOMS

UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE
SHOULD I HEAR OUT NATALIE
UNLIKE YOU I KEEP MY WORD
AND PROMISES I MAKE
BECOME MY REALITY

YOU LIKE TO LIVE YOUR LIFE BLURRING THE LINES

BENDING THE RULES, TO MAKE YOURSELF LOOK BETTER
BUT ALL THAT I WANTED WAS SOMETHING CONCRETE
AND TO KNOW FOR A FACT YOU ARE REAL

(CONTINUED)
 60.
CONTINUED: (16)

WHAT I KNOW IS I STILL LOVE YOU

THAT’S MY REALITY
YOU KNOW I’D GIVE ANYTHING
TO WAKE UP WITH YOU NEXT TO ME
YOU AND I
SPENT TWO YEARS OF OUR LIVES
LOST IN YOUR LIES
FAR FROM REALITY

AND IT FELT LIKE A DREAM

BECAUSE IT WAS

WHY DO I ALWAYS GIVE IN?

THAT IS ON ME TO CHANGE
THAT’S THE REALITY

I CAN’T DO THIS TO MYSELF AGAIN

I DESERVE SOMEONE
WHO ACCEPTS REALITY

I CAN’T IMAGINE REBUILDING MY LIFE WITH YOU

CONSTANTLY ON THE EDGE OF WHAT I KNOW IS TRUE
AND YOU WOULD STRING ME ALONG LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO
KNOWING I WILL NEVER LET GO
SONG 9. “REALITY” ENDS
THE SOUNDS OF THE MOTEL RETURN - MUTED
TVS, PEOPLE TALKING OUTSIDE.
THE DOOR IS UNLATCHED, OPENED.
JASE (CONT’D) It was wrong of me to string you along,(CONTINUED)
Judith.
 60A.
CONTINUED: (17)
JUDITH You weren’t. You were starting to actually get it!
JINGLE OF JASE'S KEYS.
JASE I wanted to know why you lied to me and I let that
cloud my judgment.
JUDITH You were finding out who I am. And you were growing
as a person. It doesn’t feel good to grow, Jase. We
know this. It hurts our brains. It’s technically
brain damage.
JASE I’m going back to the house.
JUDITH No. Please.
JASE I need to spend the night alone. I think this is
better for both of us.
WE'RE FOLLOWING JASE OUTSIDE.
CARS DRIVE BY ON THE HIGHWAY.
JUDITH I don’t think you want to do this. You drive away
right now, leaving me with nothing but Cheerios? I
may not hunt you down.
JASE You’re not going to hunt me down. Because it’s over.
I’m saying it’s over.
JUDITH I can’t hear you over your scampering way. Tell it to
my face, please.
JASE (FROM FARTHER AWAY) Goodbye, Judith.
TRUCK DOOR SLAMS SHUT.
TRUCK ENGINE STARTS.
JUDITH Come on! Is this a pattern, now? Jase please don’t do
this. I’m asking you.
JUDITH BANGS ON THE TRUCK.
TRUCK PEELS AWAY.
Please. (SHOUTING) Please stop driving away.
JUDITH SLAMS THE MOTEL ROOM DOOR.
SHE BURSTS INTO TEARS.
SHE COMPOSES HERSELF.

(CONTINUED)
 61.
CONTINUED: (18)
JUDITH (CONT’D Well I guess it’s just you and me, Future Judith.
)
THE SOUND OF A PAPER CUP BEING FILLED.
JUDITH (CONT’D Maybe you can help me out with this one. “Question
) 19. If you knew that in one year you would die
suddenly, would you change anything about the way you
are now living? Why?”
PHONE DROPS TO THE TABLE.
JUDITH DRAINS THE CUP.
THE VOICE MEMO ENDS.
[END OF ACT TWO]

(CONTINUED)
 62-63.
CONTINUED: (19)

36 QUESTIONS
ACT 3 - PART A
CONTEMPLATIVE MUSIC. A REPRISE OF THE
SCORE FROM THE BEGINNING OF THE SHOW.
VOICE MEMO STARTS UP.
JUDITH IS OUTSIDE, WALKING BRISKLY.
HIGH HEELS ON SIDEWALK; LEAVES RUSTLING.
BIRDS AND BUGS IN THE TREES.
JUDITH (CONT’D For the record, it’s now 1 o’ clock in the PM on July
) 29th. I have The Experimental Generation of
Interpersonal Closeness aka the 36 Questions in my
hand right now as I, we, walk alongside Interstate
whatever. It is very crumpled at this point and
smells kind of like a duck. Same. One sec. Going to
try and hail this car. Hi! Hi! Hey! I think you're
going the way I'm going! Do you mind if I-?
THE CAR WHIZZES PAST US.
JUDITH (CONT’D No? Okay. It’s now been about - I honestly don’t know
) how many hours since my last recording. And in the
time since Runaway Husband Jase Connolly ran away -
again - I realized something.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t furious with Jase for
leaving me at a motel with nothing on my person but a
box of Cheerios. But now that we’ve emptied out the
minibar and purchased every movie they had On Demand,
I realized -
PASSING CAR SLOWS DOWN, HONKS THREE
TIMES.
SKETCHY GUY You need a ride, pretty girl?
JUDITH Hey! Thank you! Y'know what- I just, my mistake. I
didn't- it's not that far!
SKETCHY GUY Suit yourself.
CAR RUMBLES AWAY.
JUDITH Oh my god, I think those guys were murderers. Anyway.
I realized the time for revenge is over. The time to
finish the questions, and at the very least, let Jase
know who he’s walking away from, is now. It might
take every ounce of my being, but I’m going to see
this through. I’ve slept. I’ve cried. (CONTINUED)
(MORE)
 62-63A.
CONTINUED: (20)

I’ve eaten more Toblerone than I knew I could

stomach. And I’m going to give him one last chance.
THE VOICE MEMO ENDS.
VOICE MEMO STARS UP.
JUDITH (CONT’D Hey Judith. It’s Judith. We’re walking up to Jase’s
) childhood home.
SLAM OF A DOOR A WAYS AWAY.
JUDITH'S FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL.
As luck would have it, we can see the wild runaway
husband now. This seems like the perfect time to
calmly approach him and ask him the next question.
MORE FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL.
JUDITH (CONT’D Hi Jase.
)
JASE (SCREAMS) Aghh! Oh my god. Oh my god! Judith! What
are you- what- did you walk here?
JUDITH That's not the question. The question is Question 20,
“What does friendship mean to you?” Poignant!
JASE (OVER) I can't believe you. I can't believe you
walked all this way. You walked here.
That place is like 10 miles from here, I can't
believe you just walked that-
JUDITH (OVER) I know how far it is- that's not what I asked
you.
JASE I can't see you right now. I don't care what you
asked me, I'm not answering it! Alright?
JUDITH Um, it's actually not for you, it's an even-numbered
question which means you're supposed to ask me.
JASE I am not doing that! I am not doing it.
JUDITH Okay. Then I’ll ask it to myself, and you can hear
the answer.
JASE (LOSING HIS COOL) I’m not doing this, Judith. I feel
like I made that clear. We are done. Date over.
Marriage over. Alright? Just leave me alone.

(CONTINUED)
 64.
CONTINUED: (21)

FOOTSTEPS WALKING AWAY.

FOOTSTEPS PURSUING.
JUDITH Yeah, I caught all that.
JASE I have a lot of things to do.
JUDITH I still think you could take five minutes to do the
right thing.
JASE Oh, do the right thing?
JUDITH Yeah!
JASE Look. Okay, well, listen. Alright? I'm gonna get in
my car right now, me and Henry, and I'm going to the
airport, and I'm coming back here with my moms.
Alright? Take that in. They just flew in this
morning.
JUDITH Because you told them everything.
JASE Yes, of course I told them everything, okay? They're
my moms.
JUDITH Okay, okay, y'know? I’m not leaving until we get
through the final 16, Jase. So I will explain that to
your moms. Amongst other things.
JASE Explai- Amongst what other things? You're gonna
explain that to my moms?! I really don’t think that
conversation is going to go the way you think it
will, Judith. Trust me, alright?
JASE OPENS THE FRONT DOOR. 
HE MARCHES THROUGH THE HOUSE. JUDITH
PURSUES.
JUDITH You know what, I’ll just answer. Question 20: “What
does friendship mean to you?” It means dependability.
Callback to Question 16, also about friendship.
JASE You can't guilt me into the questions, Judith.
JUDITH Uh, it’s your turn to answer.
JASE I have to get Henry.
DOOR SLAMS SHUT.
JASE (CONT’D) (FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE) Henry?

(CONTINUED)
 64A.
CONTINUED: (22)
JUDITH Okay. (SHOUTING) If you aren’t gonna answer then I’m
perfectly happy continuing them by myself on your
porch until you can act like a sane adult.
JASE (SHOUTING BACK FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE) Okay, great,
just talk to yourself on my porch, that sounds really
sane!
JUDITH (SHOUTING) Great! “Question 21: What roles do love
and affection play in your life?”
JASE (OVER) Oh my god, are you serious right now? I've got
a lot to do, alright?
JUDITH (STILL SHOUTING) Currently? Let's see. My answer.
Love and affection used to be quite prominent in my
life.
JASE RESPONDING INDISTINCTLY, CALLING FOR
HENRY, BANGING AROUND INSIDE THE HOUSE
OVER THE FOLLOWING.
JUDITH (CONT’D (TO HERSELF) I guess that’s over. (TO JASE) Question
) 22: “Alternate sharing something you consider a
positive characteristic of your partner. Share a
total of 5 items.” Well, that's easy. I think you are
very attractive.
JASE (SHOUTING) Henry, ignore the screaming lady on the
porch!
HENRY QUACKING.
JUDITH (SHOUTING) I think you are very kind- (TO HERSELF)
usually. (TO HIM) I think you will make a good parent
someday.
JASE COMFORTING HENRY, MOVING CLOSER.
A really, really good parent. I think you have-
(STOPS SHOUTING) I think you have strong convictions.
JASE (TO HENRY) Okay, come on. Just ignore her, just
ignore her, let's go out on the porch, just ignore
her-
DUCK QUACKING LIKE MAD. DOOR SLAMS SHUT.
JUDITH I think you are... literally running out the door.
Okay. C’mon, Jase.
JASE (TO HENRY) Sh, don't look at her. Just don't look at
her. Don't- (TO JUDITH) Don't look at Henry!

(CONTINUED)
 64B.
CONTINUED: (23)
JUDITH For the record, Jase is carrying Henry very swiftly
towards his truck. As if he was running from me.
Jase!
JASE Oh my god, I’m not running from you. I’m officially
late now, okay? My parents are- my moms are-
JUDITH (OVER) You're the worst liar in the world.
JASE Okay. Well, you know what, you’re the one that's
making me do this, Judith. You are making me feel
like a crazy person! So, I'm just gonna get in the
truck now, alright? (TO HENRY) Henry, just-
JUDITH For the record, I am not standing in his way.
JASE I don’t understand at what point this became about
me, alright?
JUDITH Uh, when the realness of our situation got to be a
little too much for you-
JASE What?
JUDITH -and instead of dealing with it, you put on what I
like to call your Earmuffs of Indignation.
JASE My what?! What are you talking about?
JUDITH Well, you know what? Take them off, Jase. Listen to
what I’m saying.
JASE I listened to you all night. Alright, Judith? It's
over.
THE DOOR SLAMS.
TAPPING ON A HOOD.
THE ENGINE STARTS.
CAR DRIVING ON GRAVEL, AWAY FROM US.
DUCK STILL QUACKING.
JUDITH What am I, supposed to give chase? (LAUGHS
INCREDULOUSLY) And now it's just me. Again.
THE TRUCK CONTINUES TO DRIVE OFF.
JUDITH (CONT’D (SHOUTING AFTER HIM) I am not giving up! I- I am not
) giving up.
THE CAR HAS DISAPPEARED.
IT’S JUST US AND JUDITH IN THE WOODS.
(CONTINUED)
 64C.
CONTINUED: (24)

A FEW NOTES OF MUSIC BEGIN.

THE RUSTLE OF THE PAPER.
JUDITH (CONT’D Question 23: “How close and warm is your family? Do
) you feel your childhood was happier than most other
people's?” (GUT-PUNCHED) Wow. I think I need to sit
on the step for a second. Catch my breath.
FOOTSTEPS UP THE WOODEN STEPS.
SHE TAKES A SEAT.
JUDITH (CONT’D Question 24: "How do you feel about your relationship
) with your mother?” (LAUGHS) Yeah. This is rough. This
is really rough right now. My relationship with my
mother is non-existent. Okay.
Question 25: "Make 3 true "we" statements each. For
instance 'We are both in this room feeling ..."
Well... I am on this porch feeling exhausted. I am on
this porch secretly thinking Jase is gonna turn
around and pick me up and say “screw my moms” and
drive off with me somewhere. I am on this porch
trying to think of what’s next.
Question 26: "Complete this sentence: "I wish I had
someone with whom I could share ..." My actual
feelings. My actual deep dark self-hating bullshit
feelings. The stuff that Natalie didn’t have. But
Judith definitely does.
Question 27: "If you were going to become a close
friend with your partner, please share what would be
important for him or her to know.” Okay. Sometimes I
make a joke because the truth is literally too scary
to think about.
Question 28: "Tell your partner what you like about
them; be very honest this time saying things that you
might not say to someone you've just met.” I like
that you care. Really like that. I know you said you
wish you didn’t, but I think that's your real super
power.
Question 29: "Share with your partner an embarrassing
moment in your life.” Um, well, gosh. Let's think.
There was this time I drove out to my ex-husband’s
house with an experiment and thought that it would
magically solve our problems.
Question 30: "When did you last cry in front of
another person? By yourself?” I cried in front of you
when we watched The Iron Giant on my birthday. By
myself, right now.
(MORE) (CONTINUED)
 64D.
CONTINUED: (25)

Question 31: "Tell your partner something that you

like about them already.” Your smile. Off the bat. I
was hooked. Superficial. But-
A BREEZE BLOWS THROUGH THE WOODS.
WE HEAR FROGS AND THE TINKLE OF A
WINDCHIME.
JUDITH (CONT’D Ah, sorry. There was a noise in the woods and I
) thought maybe it was Jase... because yes, I honestly
think he might come back.
EXHALES.
JUDITH (CONT’D I need to do something besides this.  No, no. I need
) to do this. Okay. Okay! I’m answering them.
Question 32: "What if anything is too serious to be
joked about?”  Nothing! Everything is a joke.
Everything. Everything deserves to be laughed at.
Especially me.
Question 33: "If you were to die this evening with no
opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would
you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't
you told them yet?” For the record- (UNDER HER
BREATH) Agh, freaking record. I’d want to tell you
that the way I love you? It breaks me. And you might
think I’ve done something so terribly wrong or that I
am wrong but I don’t get how I could be so wrong if
what I did let me have you. So maybe that’s — yeah. I
answered that, right? I answered that.
Okay. Um. Question 34: "Your house, containing
everything you own, catches fire. After saving your
loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a
final dash to save any one item. What would it be?
Why?” I would save the journal I have hidden in the
garage. I’ve had it since I was twelve.
Question 35: "Of all the people in your family, whose
death would you find most disturbing? Why?” Um, I
don't know. My dad.
Question 36: "Share a personal problem and ask your
partner's advice on how he or she might handle it.
Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you
seem to be feeling about the problem you have
chosen.”
“How do I let you go?” How’s that for a problem?
(TO HERSELF)
How do I let you go? (CONTINUED)
 64E.
CONTINUED: (26)

SONG 10. "ANSWER 36" BEGINS.

NO ONE WANTS TO LET GO
YOU GOTTA FIGHT AGAINST YOUR EVERY INSTINCT
AND THAT’S HARD TO DO

NO ONE WANTS TO QUIT

NO ONE WANTS TO ADMIT TO THEMSELVES
WHAT’S ACTUALLY TRUE

ONLY YOU CAN BE THE ONE

TO MAKE THE FIRST MOVE
PUSH THROUGH THE PAIN
ONLY YOU CAN BE THE ONE
TO SAY I’M DONE AND WALK AWAY.

IT’S GONNA HURT

BUT IT’S WHAT I HAVE TO DO

I’M LEAVING NOW

I’M PUTTING ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER NOW
I DESERVE TO LET YOU GO AND BUILD A BETTER VERSION ON
MY OWN
SOMEHOW

I FEEL BETTER ALREADY

OR AT LEAST A BIT LIGHTER JUST BY DECIDING
I’VE LEFT YOU BEHIND

(CONTINUED)
 64F.
CONTINUED: (27)

THERE’S ROOM IN MY HEAD

NOW THAT GETTING YOU BACK ISN’T TAKING UP EVERY
INCH OF MY MIND

IT’S STRANGE TO IMAGINE MY EVERYDAY WITHOUT YOU

WITHOUT WAKING UP NEXT TO YOUR FACE
IT’S STRANGE THAT I DON’T HAVE A CLUE
WHAT'LL HAPPEN WHEN I LEAVE THIS PLACE
BUT I KNOW FOR SURE
IT'S WHAT I HAVE TO DO

I’M LEAVING NOW

I’M PUTTING ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER NOW
I DESERVE TO LET YOU GO AND BUILD A BETTER VERSION ON
MY OWN
SOMEHOW
Okay, now I'm just pacing, so- I’m gonna leave the
record in your mailbox, okay? Maybe your moms will
find it, maybe I don’t care. The point is: I don’t
need it anymore, but I think you might.
MAILBOX OPENS.
And if you’re listening: I love you. I think I always
will.
Bye.
THE MAILBOX SQUEAKS CLOSED.
JUDITH'S FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL RETREATING.
WE CAN HEAR A LOW BATTERY SOUND ECHO
INSIDE A TIN MAILBOX.
CAR DOOR SLAMS.
CAR STARTS.
ANOTHER LOW BATTERY SOUND.
(CONTINUED)
 64G.
CONTINUED: (28)

CAR DRIVING ON GRAVEL, AWAY FROM US.

A FINAL LOW BATTERY SOUND.
THE VOICE MEMO ENDS.
VOICE MEMO STARTS UP.
WE'RE OUTSIDE. CRICKETS AND FROGS. VOICES
OF JASE'S MOMS IN THE BACKGROUND.
JASE Hi. Hello, this is Jase Connolly and I’d like to go
on the record to say that I know what you’re trying
to do, leaving your phone here and all that, but it’s
not going to work. I am throwing it away in the
garbage, so-
RUSTLE OF THE PHONE AGAINST MATERIAL.
THE VOICE MEMO ENDS.
VOICE MEMO STARTS UP.
JASE (CONT’D) Hi, this is Jase again. Going on the record to say
that I have not thrown the phone in the garbage but I
do look forward to mailing it to you, so that you can
have it. I know how important it was for you to -
y’know - record everything we said all night. So,
yeah. I’m just gonna- I'm gonna mail it to you.
Tomorrow morning. You're welcome. Goodbye.
RUSTLE OF THE PHONE AGAINST MATERIAL.
THE VOICE MEMO ENDS.
VOICE MEMO STARTS UP.
JASE ( (BRIGHTLY) Hi, this is J- No. No, I'm not doing this.
FRUSTRATED MUMBLING, INDISTINCT.
THE VOICE MEMO ENDS.
VOICE MEMO STARTS UP.
JASE (THE FIGHT BEATEN OUT OF HIM) Hi. This is Jase.
Connolly. And the honest reason I’m going on the
record right now is because I really want to talk to
Judith but I can’t. I also can’t talk to my moms
about Judith for obvious reasons. I don’t know who to
talk to that could possibly understand. So I guess,
(YAWNS) at 4am, this’ll have to do. Look who loves
the record now, huh?
(Under his breath) Oh my god, what is wrong with me.
(MORE) (CONTINUED)
 64H.
CONTINUED: (29)

This is now officially just an insane person talking

to himself.
Okay, I am- I'm putting this in a box and that's
that. The end. Goodbye!
THE VOICE MEMO ENDS
VOICE MEMO STARTS UP.
SONG 11. "LISTEN BACK" BEGINS.
JASE (CONT’D) Hello there. This is Jase. The date is 2010. Uh, June
16th, 2010. It’s the afternoon. Almost one year since
you - since Judith - showed up on my doorstep. I’m
not really sure how I’m supposed to address this
thing.
But I guess the point is, I wanted to put on the
record that I was thinking of you - of us — of our —
oh god, why is this so hard. Um, I guess... What I
wanted to say was I- I guess, well- I watched this
documentary last night. About animals who fall in
love outside their species, okay? And there was a
goat and a horse. The horse was blind, so every day
the goat had to guide him to the watering hole, and
then after they both drank, guide him back. It got
really sad because the goat eventually died and the
horse didn’t know how to get to the well so I had to
turn it off, but- that's not the point-
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I met someone.
I re-met someone. Lisa Coolman. I think you- you
probably remember her, Lisa Coolman? She’s kinda-
she's really... I don't know, she's on my level, if
that makes sense? And it’s going great. And. I. Agh.
THE WHOLE POINT OF ME RECORDING RIGHT NOW
IS TO HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE FOR THE FEELINGS I
STILL FEEL
I THOUGHT IT WAS OVER, THOUGHT I WAS MOVING FORWARD
BUT I GUESS THAT’S WHY I HAVE THIS, TO SHOW ME WHAT’S
REAL

THE PERILS OF KEEPING YOUR EX-WIFE’S PHONE IN YOUR

POSSESSION
YOU’RE ONLY REALLY SAYING YOU’VE PUT THE PAST TO REST
IT IS ALL TOO EASY TO FEED YOUR OLD OBSESSION
(MORE) (CONTINUED)
 64I.
CONTINUED: (30)

YOU WANT TO PROVE YOU’VE MOVED ON? LET’S PUT IT TO

THE TEST

SO I TURNED ON MY SPEAKERS
PLUGGED EM INTO THE JACK
BUT I WASN’T PREPARED

FOR HOW IT’D FEEL TO LISTEN BACK

IT WAS A PAINFUL LITTLE LISTEN BACK
I HAD A LITTLE LISTEN BACK
MY FIRST AND LAST LISTEN BACK.

AND I HEARD YOU CRY

AND I HEARD THREE MINUTES OF UNFILTERED HONESTY
I REALIZED
I STILL LOVE YOU.
So now we know. Over and out.
THE VOICE MEMO ENDS
VOICE MEMO STARTS UP
JASE (CONT’D) So. It's January. 2015. Four years since I've touched
this holy relic. I’m sitting in my downstairs office
doing this because last week Lisa was online, reading
this article about this thing called The 36
Questions. If you can believe that. Oh, I guess,
context. I'm with Lisa. Still. We have a son. His
name is Cooper. And he- ah, you don't care, okay,
you're not going to listen to this, what am I doing.
Anyway. Ah. Lisa read the article. And a few nights
later, after putting the kid to bed, she sprung the
questions on me. Which I guess I should've
anticipated, because we're basically the same person.
And she knew about you, obviously, but I hadn't told
her the whole story, A to Z. So, I did. And a look
came over her face when I told her I'd run away from
you three times in a row. I mean, she got it,
obviously. I think she got it. (CONTINUED)
(MORE)
 64J.
CONTINUED: (31)

But, at the end of it, she asked me, in the most

generous, Lisa, non-confrontational tone - "Do you
wish you hadn't?"
I said, that’s not the question, Lisa. But yes, of
course, I'm glad I ran away because if I hadn't I
never would've escaped it, and I never would've met
you, and we never would've have Cooper, and blah blah
blah, all of that. But I guess- yeah, I never
would've...
JASE EXHALES.
TONIGHT I HEARD THREE DISTANT VOICES
A TRIO OF MYSELF SAYING GOODBYE
I TURNED OVER IN BED, TORN APART BY PAST CHOICES
TIME TO CHECK THE RECORD, THE RECORD WOULDN’T LIE

SO I SLIPPED OUT OF BED

MADE MYSELF A SMALL SNACK
AND I PUT ON MY HEADPHONES
AND HAD ANOTHER LISTEN BACK

IT WAS A PAINFUL LITTLE LISTEN BACK

I HAD A LITTLE LISTEN BACK
THAT WAS MY LAST LISTEN BACK

AND I HEARD US FIGHT

BUT I WAS A COWARD, AND I RAN AWAY AGAIN
THAT WASN’T RIGHT
AND I CAN’T AFFORD TO BE A COWARD ANYMORE

Okay, back in the box with you.

THE VOICE MEMO ENDS.
VOICE MEMO STARTS UP. (CONTINUED)
 64K.
CONTINUED: (32)

A DOG BARKING FAR AWAY.

JASE (CONT’D) (A HEAVY SIGH)
Welcome to 2017, generation one iPhone. You’ve been
on a wild journey. Frankly, I’m surprised you still
work. And maybe a little disappointed. It’d make
things much easier if you’d just die.
But you aren’t dead. And while you’re still ticking,
you’ll be the place I go to when I really want to
talk to your former owner. Which I can't actually do.
I won’t. I’m not.
A FAINT SIREN.
Okay, so Lisa and I are no longer living together.
That kind of blew up. I think maybe the problem was
we’re too similar. We'd fight in the same way, so we
were just fighting in circles and then nothing gets
resolved, or- got resolved. Anyway.
I have Cooper on weekdays, and he’s good. He’s five.
And, ah, I guess he’s dealing with the split as best
he can. He asks a lot of questions. And I find myself
either not knowing the answer to them, or just making
answers up, so that I don't sound like a total idiot.
I mean, the other day he asked if I still loved his
mom. I said, "Yeah. Of course I do. I always will."
He also asked where air comes from. That one was
harder to field.
I guess the point is, when he asks these questions-
these impossible questions, a little part of my brain
shoots right to you. I think that’s pathetic, that
I’m hung up on you so much, after all this time, but
— it’s like you said — brain damage.
The point is, I lie every day now. Every day. I make
up stuff to make things move and that’s fine. That’s
being an adult.
JASE SIGHS DEEPLY.
ANOTHER PART OF ADULTING IS ADMITTING WHEN YOU’RE
WRONG
AND DOING THE HARD THING YOU NEED TO DO FOR YOURSELF
FOR EIGHT YEARS I TRIED TO TELL MYSELF “STAY STRONG”
AS THE GUILT OF WHAT I’D DONE DESTROYED MY MENTAL
HEALTH
(CONTINUED)
 64L.
CONTINUED: (33)

WE ALL KNOW WHAT I’M HOLDING, AND WHAT I JUST

COMPLETED
THOUGH HEARING MY OWN VOICE HAS NEVER FELT THIS
STRANGE
YOU WERE RIGHT TO LEAVE THE RECORD, YOU WERE RIGHT TO
GIVE ME DISTANCE
SOMETHING DEEP INSIDE OF ME IS READY NOW TO CHANGE

THIS TIME WHEN I LISTENED

I ONLY MADE IT THROUGH HALF
BECAUSE WITH 16 ANSWERS OF MINE MISSING

I CAN’T JUST LISTEN BACK

IT’S NOT ENOUGH TO LISTEN BACK
I CAN’T JUST LISTEN BACK
I HAVE TO DO MORE THAN LISTEN BACK

IT’S NOT ENOUGH TO LISTEN BACK

I CAN’T JUST LISTEN BACK
I HAVE TO DO MORE THAN LISTEN BACK

SONG 11. “LISTEN BACK” ENDS.

JASE (CONT’D) I'll be right back.
THE VOICE MEMO ENDS.
VOICE MEMO STARTS UP.
DRIVING PERCUSSIONS KICKS OFF SONG 12.
“ATTACHMENT”.
JASE (CONT’D) (EXHALES) This is Jase Connolly, and I’m going on the
record because it’s go time.
JASE (CONT’D) I wrote down my answers. (CONTINUED)
(MORE)
 64M.
CONTINUED: (34)

Twenty through thirty-six, as honest as I could

possibly be. I have this document on my desktop,
titled “Jase’s Answers dot PDF.”
My intention, despite how utterly terrifying it
sounds, is to get this document to you, Judith, so
I’m sending you an e-mail.
TYPING ADDED TO THE BEAT.
JASE Your e-mail address - I hope - I think - is J dot
Ford AT Ford Solutions dot net. Forget how many
Google searches it took to get that little nugget.
But, if I e-mail this address, I'm pretty sure you'll
see it. I hope. Okay. Okay, okay. So here goes. (TO
HIMSELF) I'm doing this. Okay. I'm doing this. Ummm,
okay. (EXHALES).
(RECITING AS HE TYPES)
“DEAR JUDITH
I OWE YOU SOME ANSWERS
16, TO BE EXACT
I TOOK A MOMENT TO WRITE THESE ANSWERS
YOU’LL FIND THEM ALL ATTACHED”

(TO US)
OKAY, ATTACHING
CLICKING ON IT AND ATTACHING

(BACK TO RECITING AS HE TYPES)

“I DON’T EXPECT A RESPONSE FROM YOU
IN FACT IT’S PROBABLY BEST YOU DON’T
I’M NOT LOOKING FOR FORGIVENESS
I’M ONLY GIVING YOU WHAT YOU ARE OWED
IN THE ATTACHMENT
IT’S ALL THERE IN THE ATTACHMENT”

(CONTINUED)
 64N.
CONTINUED: (35)

ALL THAT’S LEFT NOW IS TO HIT SEND

AND THE WEIGHT OF THE CHOICE WILL BE GONE
NOTHING I NEEDED TO SAY LEFT UNSAID
THOSE 16 QUESTIONS DID THEIR JOB
AND NOW THIS CAN END
WITH A PDF FULL OF FEELINGS AND DEEPEST REGRETS
I JUST HAVE TO HIT SEND
Ohhhh, God.
IS IT WEIRD THAT I AM WRITING MY EX-WIFE
OUT OF THE BLUE?
ARE THERE ANY ANSWERS SHE COULD MISCONSTRUE?
OF COURSE
SHE COULD
AND OF COURSE SHE WILL

SCRUTINIZE MY ANSWERS
THINK I’M FULL OF SHIT
WONDER WHY IT TOOK ME YEARS
TO GET THIS OVER WITH
THAT’S FINE
WHO CARES?
WHO CARES?
NOT ME!
CLICK.
JASE (CONT’D) Sent! (REALIZING THE GRAVITY OF IT.) It’s sent. I
sent it. I sent you the e-mail with my answers
attached.
AND NOW I’VE SENT MY FINAL MESSAGE
AND NOW I’VE HAD THE FINAL WORD
(MORE) (CONTINUED)
 64O.
CONTINUED: (36)

THIS LOVE AFFAIR ENDS WITH A THREE PAGE PDF

HOW 2017, HOW ABSURD

BUT I CAN FINALLY MOVE ON NOW

NO MORE LIVING IN THE PAST
NO MORE HOARDING ALL MY ANSWERS
EACH AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM I LEFT ATTACHED

HERE’S TO NEVER LOOKING BACK

ALL MY ANSWERS ARE ATTACHED
HERE’S TO NEVER LOOKING BACK
ALL MY ANSWERS ARE ATTACHED
I THINK THIS FEELING I’M FEELING IS LEAVING THE PAST
IN THE PAST
I THINK THIS FEELING I’M FEELING IS LEAVING THE PAST
IN THE PAST
I THINK THIS FEELING I’M FEELING IS LEAVING THE PAST
IN THE PAST
I THINK THIS FEELING I’M FEELING IS LEAVING THE PAST
IN THE PAST

OKAY, IT’S OVER

OH MY GOD, IT’S REALLY OVER
SONG 12. “ATTACHMENT” ENDS. 
JASE (CONT’D) Okay, how do I turn this thing off? I can never
figure out how to turn the-
THE VOICE MEMO ENDS.
VOICE MEMO STARTS UP.
A DUCK QUACKING IN THE BACKGROUND.
KIDS PLAYING OUTSIDE.
(CONTINUED)
 64P.
CONTINUED: (37)
JASE (CONT’D) (EXCITED, A BIT OUT OF BREATH) My name is Jase
Connolly and I am going on the record now because I
just got an email from you. Judith. It has to be her.
From you. My hands are shaking. Why are my hands
shaking. Okay. Whew! Hold on.

(SHOUTING OUTSIDE) Cooper, do not put sticks in

there. Because you could hurt his ear.
A DUCK CONTINUES TO QUACK.
SLIDING DOOR CLOSES.
OUTSIDE SOUNDS ARE MUFFLED.
JASE (CONT’D) Okay, sorry about that. Okay. Okay. So I’m sitting at
my desk. The message says it’s from J. - Judith, okay
- responding to my email from two days ago and it
says, okay, here we go:
“Hello Jase. It’s Judith.
“Thank you for attaching your answers to questions 20
through 36. I reviewed them and am looking forward to
hearing them in person.”

(FREAKING OUT) Okay. Oh my god. Okay. Still reading:

“We are supposed to stare into each other’s eyes for
four minutes at the end. A late addition to the
Questions that I think is particularly cute."
(UNDER HIS BREATH) Oh my god.
“I don’t live in Austin anymore but frequently travel
through for business. I can make myself free for an
hour or so this Thursday afternoon" - oh my god -
"before I head to the airport. How’s 5 for you?
There’s an Applebee’s nearby. I know how much you
love Applebee's. Smiley face emoji. Winky face emoji.
Your ex-wife, Judith - open quote - Natalie - close
quote - Ford.”
JASE (CONT’D) Oh my god. Okay. 5 o’ clock. Thursday. (EXHALES)
Okay, okay, I’ll need to get a sitter for Cooper. I
should probably get a haircut, too. And pick up my
dry cleaning. Okay, I should write this down-
THE VOICE MEMO ENDS.

(CONTINUED)
 64Q.
CONTINUED: (38)

36 QUESTIONS
ACT 3 - PART B
VOICE MEMO STARTS UP.
WE’RE IN THE BACK SEAT OF A MOTIONLESS
CAR.
A SMALL BOY IS HOLDING THE PHONE.
HE SEEMS TO HAVE TURNED IT ON BY MISTAKE.
COOPER (CLOSE) Are we going to get ice cream?
JASE Cooper, yeah, I told you that. What are you playing
with? Don’t take stuff out of Daddy’s backpack.
COOPER I pressed the button.
JASE No, only Daddy does that. Put it back in the pocket,
please.
RUSTLE OF PHONE AGAINST FABRIC.
CAR DOOR SHUTS.
A BUSY PARKING LOT.
JASE (CONT’D) Alright, you’re going to hold my hand?
COOPER Yeah.
JASE It’s very busy today. (TO SOMEONE ELSE) Thank you!
COOPER Thank you.
JASE Watch out for the glass, Coop.
COOPER "Watch out for the glass."
JASE Is that my echo I hear?
COOPER What's an echo?
JASE An echo is the sound you make reflecting off
something and coming back to you.
COOPER Oh.
JASE Yeah, it’s kinda weird.
COOPER Do all sounds make an echo?
(CONTINUED)
 64R.
CONTINUED: (39)
JASE Yes, technically. Except for a duck’s quack.
THEY WALK INTO THE RESTAURANT.
IT’S CROWDED, WITH LOTS OF PEOPLE
WAITING.
COOPER Why not the duck’s quack?
JASE I don’t know. That's actually not true. Please don't
repeat that.
COOPER So the duck's quack makes an echo?
JASE Uh — yeah.
COOPER What are you looking for?
JASE The person we’re meeting. (BEAT) I see her. There she
is.
COOPER I’m thirsty, Daddy. Can I have orange juice?
JASE (LAUGHING) You’re obsessed with orange juice.
COOPER I like it!
JASE I know! Yeah, sure. We'll see if they have fresh
squeezed. At this Applebee's.
FOOTSTEPS TAKING US TO JUDITH.
JASE (CONT’D) (TO JUDITH) Hi.
JUDITH Hi there.
JASE Hi.
JUDITH This where you politely shake my hand.
JASE Uh - this is Cooper. Did you get my email? I was
trying to get a sitter but it fell through.
JUDITH It’s fine.
JASE Are you sure?
JUDITH It’s nice to to meet you, Cooper.
JASE Cooper, this is-
JUDITH Natalie.
JASE Uh, Natalie. Can you say hi to Natalie? He’s being
weirdly shy with you.
(CONTINUED)
 64S.
CONTINUED: (40)
JUDITH He’s very cute.
JASE Say thank you, Cooper. Did you want to give Natalie
the thing? What do you say?
COOPER This is for you.
WE’RE HANDED OVER.
THE AUDIO QUALITY IS SUDDENLY CLEAR.
JUDITH My phone. You’re giving me back my phone. This thing
is a relic. Did you know it was on?
JASE What? Oh, no. Ah, God- Cooper must have turned it on.
I'm so sorry. I wasn’t trying to record you or
anything. Though I guess, in a weird way, that kind
of makes sense, huh?
JUDITH (BEMUSED) Sure. We’ll leave it on. For old time’s
sake.
WE’RE SET DOWN ON THE TABLE.
JASE Okay. So, how are you?
JUDITH Busy.
A BAG BEING RUSTLED THROUGH.
JASE What- ah, yeah, what do you do now?
JUDITH I’m a travel agent, but for trips to outer space.
JASE Really?
JUDITH No, Jase.
THEY BOTH LAUGH.
JUDITH (CONT’D Look - I don’t want to be Rudey McRuderson here, but
) we’re not really here to talk about me. We’re here to
finish what we started.
JASE Okay. Yes. Let’s do that, then.
JUDITH I went ahead and printed out your answers, here, so
you can just read them to me. For the record, I’m
handing Jase a printout of the answers he emailed me
five days ago.
COOPER I’m thirsty, Daddy.
JASE The waitress will be here in a second, Cooper.

(CONTINUED)
 65-89.
CONTINUED: (41)
JUDITH If your answers have changed in the past five days,
feel free to go off book.
JASE Hah. Okay. Uh. Okay.
(READING) Question 20: "What does friendship mean to
you?” Friendship means someone understands that you
are a flawed person and they love you anyway.
COOPER What’s the paper?
JASE Quiet, Cooper. Question 21: "What roles do love and
affection play in your life?” They’re everything to
me. Sometimes to a fault.
COOPER What’s the paper?
JASE Question 22: "Alternate sharing something you
consider a positive characteristic of your partner.
Share a total of 5 items.” Okay, I'm gonna go off
book here. Well, you’re here. You look great. You’re
forgiving, even when you shouldn’t be. You’re
interesting. You’re complicated.
COOPER What’s on the paper, Daddy?
JASE It’s an exercise, Cooper. Kind of like a game. A
grown-up game, Coop. Just let Daddy read it. Question
23: "How close and warm is your family? Do you feel
your childhood was happier than most other people's?”
My family is everything. I think I can safely say my
childhood was happier than most people I know, and
I’m very grateful for that. Question 24: "How do you
feel about your relationship with your mother?” My
relationship is good. Complicated. I feel like I
understand them more, now that I’m a parent. And also
somehow less.
COOPER PLAYING WITH A TOY CAR IN THE
BACKGROUND.
JASE (CONT’D) Question 25: "Make 3 true 'We' statements each. For
instance 'We are both in this room feeling ..." Okay,
no point in using printed answers for this one. Um,
we are both in this room feeling - I don’t know. I
can’t really read you.
JUDITH Give it the old college try.
JASE Okay. Well, I’m guessing we’re both feeling a little
anxious? And maybe a little sad. But maybe a little
glad. Something like that. Does that work? I don't
know. Is that true?
JUDITH (GIVING HIM NOTHING) Sure.
(CONTINUED)
 90.
CONTINUED: (42)
JASE Okay. Question 26: "Complete this sentence: ‘I wish I
had someone with whom I could share...’ A plate of
eggs. I don’t know.
THEY BOTH CHUCKLE.
Question 27: "If you were going to become a close
friend with your partner, please share what would be
important for him or her to know.” Okay. Okay, this
is a big one. And I meant what I wrote here.
Sometimes I get so hellbent on making my point heard
that I don’t listen to what people have to say. And I
need to be called out on that. I should be called out
on that.
CLATTER OF A FORK.
(TO COOPER) Cooper, give me the fork.
COOPER I’m thirsty.
JUDITH Would you like my coconut water, Cooper? It’s a
little warm but it’s very yummy.
JASE What do you say, Cooper?
COOPER Thank you.
JUDITH Almost there.
JASE Right, yes. (CLEARS THROAT).
COOPER Daddy?
JASE Yes, Cooper?
COOPER Can I have your phone?
JASE Yes, Cooper. It's right there.
Question 28: "Tell your partner what you like about
them; be very honest this time, saying things that
you might not say to someone you've just met.”
THE SOUND OF A GAME BEING PLAYED BY
COOPER ON JASE'S PHONE.
I like that you don’t take the world so seriously.
That it doesn’t seem to weigh you down the way it
weighs on me.
At least, that’s how it used to be.
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
 91.
CONTINUED: (43)

Question 29: "Share with your partner an embarrassing

moment in your life.” The time I tripped on a line
drawn on the soccer field when I was eight. Which you
know about. Question 30: "When did you last cry in
front of another person? By yourself? ” I cried when
Coop and I watched The Sound of Music. Remember that,
Coop? Remember The Sound of Music? It was the part
when the Captain finally sings to his kids. And, uh,
by myself? I cried... okay, I cried this morning.
Over a bowl of Cheerios. Just your usual Cheerios
cry. I can't believe I said that. Okay, Question 31:
"Tell your partner something that you like about them
already.” I’ve always loved your laugh. And I- I
meant to write this too, I sometimes hear your laugh
in my own laugh, I don't know if that makes any
sense.
COOPER HUMMING IN THE BACKGROUND.
Um, Question 32: "What, if anything, is too serious
to be joked about?” Right. This is kind of a long
list and it might terrify my kid.
JUDITH Just do the first one.
JASE Okay. People- people d-y-i-n-g. Although, now that I
spelled it I feel like I just made kind of a joke
about it. Anyway. Question 33: "If you were to d- If
you were to d-i-e this evening with no opportunity to
communicate with anyone, what would you most regret
not having told someone? Why haven't you told them
yet?” (BEAT) Okay. I would want to tell you I was
sorry. I’m sorry for not doing this when I should've.
I sometimes think about what would have happened if I
hadn’t shut it down. Where we’d be, instead of...
here. Do you ever think about that?
JUDITH (WITH A HINT OF SADNESS) That's not the question,
Jase.
JASE Right. Ha. Okay. Question 34: "Your house, containing
everything you own, catches fire. After saving your
loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a
final dash to save one item. What would it be? Why?”
Um, I would save the parody I wrote about my family
when I was twelve.
JUDITH The Fussbudgets.
JASE Yeah- Wow, I can't believe you remembered that. Um,
Question 35: "Of all the people in your family, whose
death- oh, okay, I'm not gonna spell it out- whose
death would you find most disturbing? Why?” Uh,
present company, for obvious reasons. Okay, and the
last one.
(MORE) (CONTINUED)
 92.
CONTINUED: (44)

Question 36: "Share a personal problem and ask your

partner's advice on how he or she might handle it.
Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you
seem to be feeling about the problem you have
chosen.” (BEAT) How do I let you go?
JUDITH My. That sounds very familiar.
JASE What’s your advice?
JUDITH I think you just live. I think you can get all
wrapped up in what could have been and what could be
happening and what still could be, but all those are
based on assumptions. And expectations. The truth is,
you have no idea what the future holds. You don’t
know what you don’t know. So stop fretting about it.
JASE I think now you’re supposed to tell me how I feel
about it.
JUDITH I think you feel... ready.
JASE For what?
COOPER Daddy?
JUDITH The staring part.
THE TENSION BREAKS.
JASE Wait- you want to do the staring part?
JUDITH Of course I want to do the staring part! Do you know
me? It’s been pretty much eons since we’ve had a long
hard look into each other’s eyes. This is a precious
commodity now.
JASE My kid is sitting right here. We're gonna do the
staring part?
JUDITH Mhmm.
JASE Um...(LAUGHING) Okay, sure, I guess I'll- how long is
it?
JUDITH Four minutes.
JASE Four minutes!
JUDITH Mhmm.
JASE Um, yeah, okay, I can do it on my phone, I guess.
JUDITH Naw, I’ve got it on my watch. Are you ready?
JASE (CONTINUED)
It's not a blinking contest, right? I can blink?
 93.
CONTINUED: (45)

THEY BOTH LAUGH.

JASE (CONT’D) Yeah. I guess- yeah. I'm ready.
JUDITH Go.
A MOMENT OF THE SOUNDS OF THE RESTAURANT.
COOPER Daddy.
JASE Yes, Cooper.
COOPER I want to play the game.
JASE It’s a grown-up game, Cooper.
JUDITH It’s useless to explain eye contact to him, Jase. His
generation will have no need for it.
JASE That is really unfunny.
COOPER I want to play! Look at me, Daddy.
JASE I can’t, Coop. Not right now. That’s the point. I
have to look at Judith.
JUDITH Natalie.
JASE Natalie. I have to look at Natalie.
COOPER What are you looking at her for?
JASE We’re doing the last part of an experiment. It’s - I
have to look her in the eyes for four minutes and she
has to do the same. It’s a thing that grown-ups do
sometimes.
COOPER Why?
JUDITH Oh, you thought you’d sneak one past him.
JASE Why. (THINKING) Why. Why? Because, Coop, when you
look in someone’s eyes, you can see what they’re
thinking.
COOPER You can see what they're thinking?
JASE Well, you can see if they’re telling the truth.
JUDITH You wish.
COOPER You can see that in their eyes?
JASE Sometimes.
COOPER Why do you need to? (CONTINUED)
 94.
CONTINUED: (46)
JASE It's just something we're doing.
COOPER But you always tell the truth.
JUDITH Wow - he really is your kid.
JASE Yes. Most of the time, I tell the truth.
THE STROKE OF A CHORD, STARTING SONG 13.
“THE TRUTH”
COOPER Oh.
JASE Almost all the time.
COOPER Why wouldn't you tell the truth?
JASE Ah, well, Coop. Um.
COOPER Why wouldn't you tell the truth, Daddy?
JASE How do I say this?
THE TRUTH IS
THE TRUTH IS HARD TO EXPLAIN
BECAUSE THE TRUTH IS
THE TRUTH CAN SHIFT AND CHANGE
THE TRUTH IS
THE TRUTH IS ALL ABOUT YOU
AND YOUR HONEST POINT OF VIEW
AND WHAT'S TRUE FOR YOU
DOESN'T HAVE TO BE TRUE FOREVER
AND SOMETIMES THE TRUTH
ISN'T ALWAYS FOR THE BETTER
IT'S SOMETHING THAT WE ASPIRE TO
OR MAYBE THAT'S SOMETHING WE SAY
JUDITH UNTIL IT GETS IN THE WAY
AND YOU'RE JUST PUTTING WORDS ON A FEELING
JASE I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT COLD HARD FACTS
LIKE SCIENCE, THE ALPHABET, OR MATH
(CONTINUED)
 95.
CONTINUED: (47)
JUDITH BUT THE TRUTH YOU USE TO KEEP TRACK
OF WHO YOU ARE AND WHY YOU ACT THE WAY YOU ACT
BOTH BUT THE TRUTH IS:
THE TRUTH DOESN'T EXIST IN BLACK AND WHITE
AND SOMETIMES TWO SIDES CAN BOTH BE RIGHT
JUDITH THE TRUTH IS THAT YOU WILL
NEVER REALLY KNOW THE TRUTH
JASE THE TRUTH IS THAT YOU WILL
ONLY THINK YOU KNOW
BOTH WHAT'S TRUE FOR YOU
DOESN'T HAVE TO BE TRUE FOREVER
AND SOMETIMES THE TRUTH
ISN'T ALWAYS FOR THE BETTER
IT'S SOMETHING THAT WE ASPIRE TO
OR MAYBE THAT'S SOMETHING WE SAY
JASE UNTIL IT GETS IN THE WAY
JUDITH UNTIL IT GETS IN THE WAY
BOTH THE TRUTH IS THAT YOU WILL
NEVER REALLY KNOW THE TRUTH
THE TRUTH IS THAT YOU WILL
ONLY THINK YOU KNOW
THE TRUTH IS THAT YOU WILL
ONLY THINK YOU KNOW
JASE I HEAR YOU NOW
JUDITH I HEAR YOU LOUD AND CLEAR
BOTH THE TRUTH CAN CHANGE
THE SOUNDS OF APPLEBEE'S HAVE RETURNED.
BOTH (CONT’D) THE TRUTH IS
(CONTINUED)
 96.
CONTINUED: (48)

SONG 13. "THE TRUTH" ENDS.

WE LINGER IN THE SOUNDS OF THE RESTAURANT
FOR A MOMENT.
THE VOICE MEMO ENDS.
[END OF SHOW]