Small Misunderstandings May Result in A Lifetime of Regrets!!!
Small Misunderstandings May Result in A Lifetime of Regrets!!!
Small Misunderstandings May Result in A Lifetime of Regrets!!!
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This is for all the single, married, divorced, widowed individuals, who take life
for granted. Please, read this story until the end, it is such an opener.
Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea of asking Mother
to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years with us.
Hubby's father passed away while he was still very young. Mother endured much
hardship and struggled all on her own to provide for him, see him through to a
university degree. You could say that she suffered a great deal and did
everything you could expect of a woman to bring hubby to where he is today. I
immediately agreed and started packing the spare room, which has a balcony
facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant greenery. Hubby stood
in the bright room, and suddenly just picked me up and started spinning round
and round. As I begged him to put me down, he said: "Lets go fetch mother".
Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to test on his chest and enjoy the feeling
that he could pick me up at any moment put the tiny me into his pockets.
Whenever we have an argument and both refuses to back down, he would pick
me up and spin me over his head continuously until I surrender and beg for
mercy. I became addicted to this kind of panic-joy feeling.
Mother brought along her countryside habits and lifestyle with her. For
example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room, she could
not stand it and would comment: "I do not know how you young people spend
your money, why do you buy flowers for? You also can't eat flowers!" I smiled
and said: "Mum, with flowers in the house, our mood will also become better."
Mother continues to grumble away, and hubby smiled: "Mum, this is a city-
people's habit; slowly you will get use to it". Mother stopped saying anything.
But every time thereafter, whenever came home with flowers, she would ask me
how much it costs. I told her and she would shake her head and express
displeasure. Sometimes, when I come home with lots of shopping bags, she
would ask each and every item how much they cost, I would tell her honestly and
she would get even more upset about it. Hubby playfully pinched my nose and
said: "You little fool, just don't tell her the full price of everything would solve
it." There begins the friction to our otherwise happy lifestyle.
Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast. In
your view, how could the man of the house cook for the wife? At the breakfast
table, mother facial expression is always like the dark clouds before a
thunderstorm and I would pretend not to notice. She would use her chopsticks
and make a lot of noise with it as her silent protest. As I am a dance teacher in
the Children's Palace and am exhausted from along day of dancing around, I do
not wish to give up the luxury of that additional few minutes in the comfort of
my bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all the protest mother makes.
From time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon her
help created additional work for me. For example: she would keep all kinds of
plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them later on, and resulted in
our house being filled with all the trash bags; she would scrimp on dish washing
detergent when helping to wash the dishes and so as not to hurt her feelings, I
would quietly wash them again. One day, late at night, mother saw me quietly
washing the dishes, and "Bam" she slams her bedroom door and cried very loudly
in her room. Hubby was placed in a difficult position, and after that, he did not
speak to me for that entire night. I pretended to be a spoilt child, tried acting
cute, but he totally ignored me.... I got mad and asked him: "What did I do
wrong?" Hubby stared at me and said: "Can't you just give in to her once? We
couldn't possibly die eating from a bowl however unclean it is, right?" After
that incident, for a long period of time, mother did not speak to me and you can
feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the house.
During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma as to who to
please. In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, mother took
on the "all important" task of preparing breakfast without any prompting. At
the breakfast table, mother would look at hubby happily eating his breakfast
and cast that reprimanding stare at me for having failed to perform my duty as
a wife. To avoid the embarrassing breakfast situation, I resorted to buying my
own breakfast on my way to work. That night, while in bed, hubby was a little
upset and asked me: "LD, is it because you think that mum's cooking is not clean
that's why you chose not to eat at home?" He then turned his back on me and
left me alone in tears as feeling of unfairness overwhelmed me.. After some
time, hubby sighed: "LD, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?" I am
left with no choice but to return to the breakfast table.
The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt a
sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up my
throat. I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I could not. I threw down
the bowl, rushed into the washroom, and vomited everything out. Just as I was
catching my breath, I saw mother crying and grumbling very loudly in her
dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway staring at me with fire
burning in his eyes.. I opened my mouth but no words came out of it, I really did
not mean it.
We had our very first big fight that day; mother took a look at us, then stood
up and slowly made her way out of the house. Hubby gave me a final stare in the
eye and followed mother down the stairs. For three days, hubby did not return
home, not even a phone call. I was so furious, since mother arrived; I had been
trying my best and putting up with her, what else do you want me to do? For no
reason, I keep having the feeling to throw up and I simply have not appetite for
food, coupled with all the events happening at home, I was at then low point in
my life. Finally, a colleague said: "LD, you look terrible; you should go and see a
doctor." The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant.
Back home, I lay on the bed thinking about my hubby, and the disgusted look in
his eyes. I cried and wet the corner of the blanket. That night, sound of the
drawers opening woke me up. I switched on the lights and I saw hubby with
tears rolling down his face. He was removing the money. I stared at him in
silence; he ignored me, took the bank deposit book and some money and left the
house. Maybe he really intends to leave me for good. What a rational man, so
clear-cut in love and money matters. I gave a few dried laugh and tears starting
streaming down again.
The next day, I did not go to work.. I wanted to clear this out and have a good
talk with hubby. I reached his office and his secretary gave me a weird look and
said: "Mr. Tan's mother had a traffic accident and is now in the hospital." I
stood there in shock. I rushed to the hospital and by the time I found hubby,
mother had already passed away. Hubby did not look at me, his face was
expressionless. I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't
control the tears in my eyes. My god, how could this happen?
Throughout the funeral, hubby did not say a single word to me, with only the
occasional disgusted stare at me. I only managed to find out brief facts about
the accident from other people. That day, after mother left the house, she
walked in dazed toward the bus stop, apparently intending to go back to her old
house back in the countryside. As hubby ran after her, she tried to walk faster
and as she tried to cross the street, a public bus came and hit her...I finally
understood how much hubby must hate me, if I had not thrown up that morning,
if we had not quarreled, if....In his heart, I am indirectly the killer of his
mother.
Hubby moved into mother's room and came home every night with a strong
liquor smell on him. And me, I am buried under the guilt and self-pity and could
hardly breathe. I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we are going to have
our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in his eyes, all the words I
have at the brink of my mouth just fell back in. I had rather he hit me real hard
or give me a big and thorough scolding though none of these events happening
had been my fault at all.
Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, hubby came
home later and later. The deadlock between us continues, we were living
together like strangers who don't know each other. I am like the dead knot in
his heart. One day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass
window, I saw hubby and a girl sitting facing each other and he very lightly
brushed her hair for her, I understood what it meant. After recovering from
that moment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood in front of my hubby
and stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes. I have nothing to say to him, and
there is no need to say anything. The girl looked at me, looks at hubby, stands
up and wanted to go, hubby stretched out his hand and stopped her. He stared
back at me,challenging me. I can only hear my slow heart beat, beating, one by
one as if at the brink of death. I eventually backed down, if I had stood that
any longer, I will collapse together with the baby inside me. That night, he did
not come home; he had chosen to use that as a way to indicate to me: Following
mother's death so did our love for each other.
He did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I returned home
from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched - he had returned to
take some of his stuff. I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain
everything to him vanished. I lived alone; I go for my medical checkups alone,
my heart breaks again and again every time I see a guy carefully helping his
wife through the physical examination. My office colleagues hinted to me to
consider aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not.. I insisted on having to
this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing her death.
One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room. The whole
house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table, there was this piece
of paper. I know what it is all about without even looking at it. In the two
months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find peace within myself.
I looked at him, removed my hat and said: "You wait a while, I will sign." He
looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine. As I hang up my coat, I
keep repeating to myself "You cannot cry, you cannot cry..." my eyes hurt
terribly, but I refused to let tears come out from there. After I hung up my
coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. I smiled, walked over to
the coffee table and pulled the paper towards me. Without even looking at what
it says, I signed my name on it and pushed the paper to him. "LD, are you
pregnant?" Since mother's accident, this is the first time he spoke to me. I
could not control my tears any further and they fell like raindrops. I said: "Yes,
but its ok, you can leave now." He did not go, in the dark, we sat, facing each
other. Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket. In my heart,
everything seems so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could never reach
them. I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to me. I had
originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't. In the western
restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold look in his eyes, I will never forget,
ever. We have drawn such deep scars in each other's heart. For me, it's
unintentional; for him, totally intentional. I had been waiting for this moment of
reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could
not repeated.
Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to
my heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for
me, I don't take any presents from him and I stopped talking to him. From the
moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had vanished from
my heart. Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom, but when he
walks in, I will walk out to the living room. He had no choice but to sleep in
mother's room. At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I
kept quiet.. This used to be his trick; last time, whenever I ignore him, he would
fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would
then grab me and laugh. He has forgotten that last time I cared for him and am
concerned because there was love, but now, what is there between us? Hubby's
groaning came on and off continuing but I continuously ignored him.
Almost every day, he would buy something for the baby, infant products,
children products and books that kids like to read. Bags and bags of it stacked
inside his room till it is full. I know he is trying to use this to reach out to me,
but I am no longer moved by his actions. He has no choice but to lock himself in
his room and I can hear his typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is
now addicted to web surfing but none of that matters to me anymore.
It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one late night,
I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came rushing into the
room, its like he did not change and sleep, and had been waiting for this
moment. He carried me and ran down the stairs, stopped a car, holding my hand
very tightly and kept wiping the sweat off my brow, throughout the journey to
the hospital. Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the
delivery suite. Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought
crossed my mind: In my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did? He
held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in; his warm eyes caused
me to manage a smile at him despite my contraction pain. Coming out of the
delivery room, hubby looked at our son and me, eyes tear with joy and he kept
smiling. I reached out and touched his hand. Hubby looked at me, smiling and
then he slowly collapsed onto the floor. I cried out for him in pain... He smiled,
but without opening that tired eyes of his... I had thought that I would never
shed any tear for him, but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting
through my body at that moment. Doctor said that by the time hubby
discovered he had liver cancer, it was already in terminal stage and it was a
miracle that he managed to last this long. I asked the doctor when he first
discovered he had cancer. Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me
saying: "Prepare for his funeral."
I disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home, I went into his room and
checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hits me. Hubby's cancer was
discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and I had thought that... the
computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote for our son:
"Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you before I
fall, is my biggest wish now.... I know that in your life, you will have many
happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I can accompany you throughout
that journey, how nice would it be. But daddy now no longer has that chance.
Daddy has written inside here all the possible difficulties and problems you may
encounter during your lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can
refer to daddy's suggestion ... Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I
feel as if I have accompanied you through life journey. To be honest, daddy is
very happy. Do love your mother, she has suffered, she is the one who loves you
most and also the one who loves me most..." From play school to primary school,
to secondary, university, to work and even in dealing with questions of love,
everything big and small was written there.
"My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I have
caused you, forgive me for not telling you my illness, because I want to see you
be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby...My dear, if you cried, it
means that you have forgiven me and I would smile, thank you for loving
me...These presents, I'm afraid I cannot give them to our son personally, could
you help me to give some of them to him every year, the dates on what to give
when are all written on the packaging... "
Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma. I brought our son over and
place him beside him. I said: "Open your eyes and smile, I want our son to
remember being in the warmth of your arms..." He struggled to open his eyes
and managed a weak smile. Our son still in his arms was happily waving his tiny
hands in the air. I press the button on the camera and the sound of the shutter
rang through the air as tears slowly rolled down my face.... A fatal
misunderstanding and the person who loves me the most in this world is gone
forever..."Cruel misunderstandings one after another disrupted the blissful
footsteps to our family. Our originals intend of having Mother enjoy some quiet
and peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went terribly wrong as
destiny's secret is finally revealed at a price, everything became too late."........