Symbiotic Trauma and Symbiotic Entanglement - Toronto 2013

Symbiotic Trauma
and Symbiotic
Entanglements
Key concepts in
Multigenerational
Psychotraumatology
Toronto, 20th of September 2013

16.09.2013 © Prof. Dr. Franz Ruppert 1
Agenda
The history of Childhood – a nightmare
Healthy human development
What means „Symbiotic Trauma“?
Trauma and Splitting
Symbiotic Entanglements and their
transgenerational effects
Steps out of Symbiotic Trauma and
symbiotic entanglements

„Do you hear the children weeping“
„The history of childhood is a nightmare from which

we have only recently begun to awaken. The further
back in history one goes, the lower the level of child
care, and the more likely children are to be killed,
abandoned, beaten, terrorised or sexually abused.“
(Lloyd deMause, 1980, S. 12)

Phases of Childhood History (Lloyd deMause)
1. Infantizide (Antiquity – 4. cent. AD)
Killing of children and sexuell abuse is fairly normal
2. Giving children away (4. – 13. cent.)

Because children have a „soul“, it is no longer
allowed to kill them; so they were often given
away and beaten, because they are „evil“
3. Ambivalent attitudes (14. – 17. cent.)

Parents project their needs on children; children
have to be formed bodily, emotionally, mentally
and morally for the needs of the adults.
Phases of Childhood History (Lloyd deMause)
4. Intrusion (18. – 19. cent.)
Children are no longer only frightening; Medicine reduces
child mortality; punishment and threat to controll the child‘s
will
5. Socialisation (19. – middle of 20. cent.)

Children have to be educated to adopted to social standards
6. Support (since middle of 20. cent.)

Parents invest energy and time to support their children
empathetically and help them to develop in a healthy manner

Ideas about children until recently
and still present
Children are greedy, uncontrolled, unsocial, evil,
unsensitive, feel no pain and don‘t have memories.
Therefore it is allowed to leave children alone, to let

them cry, to make surgeries without anesthetics, to
circumcise their genitals, to punish and to abuse them
sexually …

How Children really are
Highly sensitive already before they are born
Highly alert
All important experiencies keep stored
in their bodies and memories
They need special protection
They are extremly depend on love
They are social from the very beginning

Human development
takes places between
the polarities of
symbiotic needs and
the desire for
autonomy.

Symbiotic Neccesities
Being really welcomed

Being nurtured
Being kept warm
Getting body contact
Being held
Being seen
Being understood
Getting support
Belonging together

Desires for Autonomy
to gain confidence in one’s own
perceptions, feelings and thoughts
to rely on one’s own ability to act
to find inner support in oneself
to do things oneself
to act independendly
to make one‘s own decisions
to be free
...

What makes a healthy development of the
human psyche possible?
Symbiotic needs for
warmth, protection,
holding, love and belonging
are fulfilled by a child‘s
mother and father.
Desires for autonomy are

supported by both parents.

The most powerful psychological
experience of every human being
is
the
symbiotic
relationship
with their
mother.
Symbiotically every child is
bonded to their mother in
two ways:
passively: the psychological
qualities of the mother are
an unconscious imprint on
Children love their
the child‘s psyche mothers however
they are and what
actively: the child adapts
they do to them
to their mother and tries
to support her needs

For a child, his relationship to
his mother can become a
traumatic experience –
a symbiotic trauma
The child is helpless and
incapable of establishing a safe,
holding relationship with his
mother who is traumatised (eg by
loss of a baby, violence, wars,
sexual abuse, not being loved by
her parents, suffering from a
symbiotic trauma herself).
Traumatised mothers can
Be emotionally unavailable
Disrespect boundaries
Carry heavy emotional burdens
(anxieties, rage, pain)
Act unpredictably
Be extremely emotionally needy
Be violent
Their psychic structure is split.

A life experience becomes not only
stressful but traumatic
if we face a mortal risk, and
are incapable of dealing with
it with the help of our stress
programs. Our stress
programs make the situation
even worse. Therefore we
end up in a state of
helplessness and agony and
the stress programs have to
be stopped.

The Trauma-emergency-
mechanism consists of:
Immobilization
Freezing
Dissociating
Splitting in the psychic
structure
It helps us to survive.

Splits in the personality and identity
structure after a traumatic experience
Traumatised parts Survival parts
Healthy parts

Transgenerational Trauma
The trauma experiencies of

parents (trauma of existential
threat, trauma of loss, symbiotic
trauma) are transferred to their
children via the bonding processes
and thus causing a symbiotic
trauma.
Healthy psychic structures
of a child
Own life force
Own will to live
Healthy basic needs
Joy to move
Joy to play
Joy to learn
Openess, creativity
…

Characteristics of the traumatised
part in a symbiotic trauma
Desperation that there is
no love from the parents
Feeling abandoned and
extremely lonely
Terrified it has to die
Suppressed rage
Suppressed mourning
Extreme withdrawal
Tendency to give up

Characteristics of the survival
strategies in symbiotic trauma
Struggling with the parents to get their love
Idealising mother and father
Identifying with the survival strategies
of the parents
Wanting to rescue the parents
Merging with the traumatised parts
of parents or grandparents
Denying one‘s own trauma

Consequences of a symbiotic trauma
Inability to distinguish between
ones own feelings and those taken
over from others
Living another person’s identity
Lifelong symbiotic entanglement
with the parents
Symbiotic entanglement in all other
close relationships
Psychic problems of all sorts
(anxiety, hyperactivity, depression,
addictions, psychosis …)

Healthy and symbiotically entangled relationships
Person A
HP SP TP
HP
HP/HP HP/SP HP/TP
Person B
SP
HP/SP SP/SP SP/TP
TP HP/TP SP/TP TP/TP

Characteristics of symbiotic
entanglements
Interactions between SP/SP, SP/TP
Possessive and clinging behaviour
Pushing the other to change
Disapproval, high weight of expectations
Inability to understand each other
Rage, hate and aggression
Dominance, rebellion, submission
Exploitation
Illusions of love, forgiving and reconciling

Steps towards resolving a
symbiotic trauma
Acknowledging one own‘s trauma
Learning to distinguish between realities and illusions
Learning to distinguish between own feelings and those of others
Finding back to one‘s own healthy needs
Learning to keep borders
Separating from symbiotic entangled relationships
No longer trying to save others
Living healthy and constructive relationships

Trauma Therapy
Opening the
Gates towards
trauma Passing the
Gates of Illusions
Going through Increasing

the Gates of Freedom Healthy
Structures
16.09.2013 (c) Prof. Dr. Franz Ruppert 27

Constellation of the Intention

Literature
Franz Ruppert (2008). Trauma, Bonding & Family Constellations:
Understanding and Healing Injuries of the Soul. Frome/UK:
Green Balloon Publishing.
Franz Ruppert (2011). Splits in the Soul. Integrating traumatic
experiences. Steyning/UK: Green Balloon Publishing.
Franz Ruppert (2012). Symbiosis & Autonomy: Symbiotic Trauma
and Love Beyond Entanglements. Steyning,UK, Green Balloon
Publishing. Due for publication late Spring 2012.
Franz Ruppert (2012). Trauma, Angst und Liebe. (will be published
in English in 2013)
Lloyd deMause (1980). The History of Childhood. New York: The
Psychohistory Press.
16.09.2013 ©©
Prof. Dr.
Prof. Franz
Franz Ruppert
Ruppert 29

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Symbiotic Trauma

Toronto, 20th of September 2013

16.09.2013 © Prof. Dr. Franz Ruppert 2

„The history of childhood is a nightmare from which

16.09.2013 © Prof. Dr. Franz Ruppert 3

2. Giving children away (4. – 13. cent.)

3. Ambivalent attitudes (14. – 17. cent.)

5. Socialisation (19. – middle of 20. cent.)

6. Support (since middle of 20. cent.)

16.09.2013 © Prof. Dr. Franz Ruppert 5

Therefore it is allowed to leave children alone, to let

16.09.2013 © Prof. Dr. Franz Ruppert 6

16.09.2013 © Prof. Dr. Franz Ruppert 7

16.09.2013 © Prof. Dr. Franz Ruppert 8

Being really welcomed

16.09.2013 © Prof. Dr. Franz Ruppert 9

16.09.2013 © Prof. Dr. Franz Ruppert 10

Desires for autonomy are

16.09.2013 © Prof. Dr. Franz Ruppert 11

16.09.2013 © Prof. Dr. Franz Ruppert 13

Their psychic structure is split.

16.09.2013 © Prof. Dr. Franz Ruppert 15

16.09.2013 © Prof. Dr. Franz Ruppert 16

16.09.2013 © Prof. Dr. Franz Ruppert 17

Traumatised parts Survival parts

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The trauma experiencies of

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TP HP/TP SP/TP TP/TP

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Going through Increasing

16.09.2013 (c) Prof. Dr. Franz Ruppert 27

16.09.2013 © Prof. Dr. Franz Ruppert 28

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