Verbal Communication Skills

Effective verbal or spoken communication is dependent on a number of factors and cannot be fully
isolated from other important interpersonal skills such as non-verbal communication, listening
skills and clarification.
Clarity of speech, remaining calm and focused, being polite and following some basic rules of etiquette
will all aid the process of verbal communication.
This page is designed to help you think about how you communicate verbally. The page
includes information on the processes involved and the steps you can take to help ensure that
verbal or spoken messages are received as intended.
Opening Communication
In many interpersonal encounters, the first few minutes are extremely important as first impressions
have a significant impact on the success of further communication.
Everyone has expectations and norms as to how initial meetings should proceed and people tend to
behave according to these expectations. If these expectations are mismatched, communication will not
be effective or run smoothly, and some form of negotiation will be needed if relations are to continue.

At a first meeting, formalities and appropriate greetings are usually expected: such formalities could
include a handshake, an introduction to yourself, eye contact and discussion around a neutral subject
such as the weather or your journey may be useful. A friendly disposition and smiling face are much
more likely to encourage communication than a blank face, inattention or disinterested reception.
Reinforcement
The use of encouraging words alongside non-verbal gestures such as head nods, a warm facial
expression and maintaining eye contact, are more likely to reinforce openness in others.
The use of encouragement and positive reinforcement can:
Encourage others to participate in discussion (particularly in group work)
Signify interest in what other people have to say
Pave the way for development and/or maintenance of a relationship
Allay fears and give reassurance
Show warmth and openness.
Reduce shyness or nervousness in ourselves and others.
Effective Listening
Active listening is an important skill and yet, as communicators, people tend to spend far more
energy considering what they are going to say rather than listening to what the other person is
trying to say.
Although active listening is a skill in itself, covered in depth on our listening pages, it is also vital for effective
verbal communication.
The following points are essential for effective and active listening:
Arrange a comfortable environment conducive to the purpose of the communication, for example a warm
and light room with minimal background noise.
Be prepared to listen.
Keep an open mind and concentrate on the main direction of the speaker's message.
Avoid distractions if at all possible.
Delay judgment until you have heard everything.
Be objective.
Do not be trying to think of your next question while the other person is giving information.
Do not dwell on one or two points at the expense of others.
The speaker should not be stereotyped. Try not to let prejudices associated with, for example, gender,
ethnicity, social class, appearance or dress interfere with what is being said.
Questioning
Effective questioning is an essential skill. Questioning can be used to:
Obtain information.
Start a conversation.
Test understanding.
Draw someone into a conversation.
Show interest in a person.
Seek support or agreement.
Closed Questions
Closed questions tend to seek only a one or two word answer (often simply 'yes' or 'no') and, in doing so,
limit the scope of the response. Two examples of closed questions are "Did you travel by car today?" and
"Did you see the football game yesterday?" These types of question mean control of the communication is
maintained by the questioner yet this is often not the desired outcome when trying to encourage verbal

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communication. Nevertheless, closed questions can be useful for focusing discussion and obtaining clear,
concise answers when needed.
Open Questions
Open questions broaden the scope for response since they demand further discussion and elaboration. For
example, "What was the traffic like this morning?" or "What do you feel you would like to gain from this
discussion?" Open questions will take longer to answer, but they do give the other person far more scope for
self-expression and encourage involvement in the conversation.
Reflecting and Clarifying
Reflecting is the process of feeding-back to another person your understanding of what has
been said. Although reflecting is a specialized skill used within counseling, it can also be applied
to a wide range of communication contexts and is a useful skill to learn.
Reflecting often involves paraphrasing the message communicated to you by the speaker in your own words,
capturing the essence of the facts and feelings expressed, and communicating your understanding back to
the speaker. It is a useful skill because:
You can check that you have understood the message clearly.
The speaker gets feedback as to how the message is received.
It shows interest in, and respect for, what the other person has to say.
You are demonstrating that you are considering the other person’s viewpoint.
Summarizing
A summary is an overview of the main points or issues raised. Summarizing can also serve the same purpose
as 'reflecting'. However, summarizing allows both parties to review and agree the communication exchanged
between them up to that point in time. When used effectively, summaries may also serve as a guide to the
next steps forward.
Closing Communication
The way a communication is closed or ended will, at least in part, determine the way a
conversation is remembered.
A range of subtle, or sometimes not so subtle, signals are used to end an interaction. For example, some
people may avoid eye contact, stand up, turn their body away, or use behaviours such as looking at a watch
or closing notepads or books. All of these non-verbal actions indicate to the other person that the initiator
wishes to end the communication.
Closing an interaction too abruptly may not allow the other person to 'round off' what he or she is saying so
you should ensure there is time for winding-up. The closure of an interaction is a good time to make any
future arrangements. Last, but not least, this time will no doubt be accompanied by a number of socially
acceptable parting gestures.

Effective Speaking
Your voice can reveal as much about your personal history as your appearance.
The sound of a voice and the content of speech can provide clues to an individual's emotional state and
a dialect can indicate their geographic roots. The voice is unique to the person to whom it belongs. For
instance, if self-esteem is low, it may be reflected by hesitancy in the voice, a shy person may have a
quiet voice, but someone who is confident in themselves will be more likely to have command of their
voice and clarity of speech.
Aspects of Effective Speaking
Effective speaking has nothing to do with the outdated concept of 'elocution' where everyone was
encouraged to speak in the same 'correct' manner. Rather, effective speaking concerns being able to
speak in a public context with confidence and clarity, whilst at the same time reflecting on your own
personality.
Aspects of Effective Speaking
Accents.
Finding your voice.
The effect of breath on voice and speech.
Vocal production.
Accents
Regional and ethnic accents are positive; they are part of individual personality.
Gradually, over the years, through the migration of people and exposure to the media, accents are being
broken down and neutralized. In some ways this is a shame because accents can add a dimension and
distinctiveness to voice and emphasize individuality.
It is important to get used to the sound of your own voice. Most people are more relaxed in a private
situation, particularly at home, where there are no pressures to conform to any other social rules and
expectations. This is not the case in public situations when there are all sorts of influences exerted upon
the way people speak.
Try recording your own voice in an informal setting, like at home.
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Listen carefully to how you sound in order to become accustomed to your own voice.
You might also note any aspects of your speech which reduce the overall effectiveness of your message.

Often people don’t like the sound of their own recorded voice - in the same way that some people don't
like photographs of themselves - they can feel embarrassed.
Most of us are not used to hearing our own voices and these feelings are totally normal. Get past the initial,
‘Do I really sound like that?’ stage and develop a better understanding of your voice.
When relaxed you will feel more confident, therefore by listening to your voice at home you will have an idea
of how you sound to other people. Although you cannot hear your voice in the same way that others hear
you, you can develop an awareness of its impact on others. Understanding the physical nature of your voice
will give you more control over the way that you use it.
Individuals are all used to using language in an informal way in their everyday lives, but as soon as a hint of
formality is suggested, they can become self-conscious and seize up. This becomes especially obvious when
speaking in front of strangers in a public setting.
The more you get used to the sound of your voice functioning in a slightly more formal way, the easier it is
when doing it 'for real'. In conversational mode, individuals tend to speak in short phrases, a few at a
time. Reading aloud helps you to become used to the more fluent sound of your voice.

An exercise to help develop your effective speaking skills:

Find a document to read, something about two pages in length - the first few pages of a book would
work well.
Read your document through silently first, then read it aloud in your normal speaking voice. Don't
worry if you stumble or falter, just pick up and continue to the end.
Now read it a third time, recording your voice if possible and remember:
Slow down: It is a natural reaction to want to get it over as fast as possible and this often causes people
to stumble over their words. Speeding up also occurs when you are nervous and usually makes you
more difficult to understand.
Keep your head up: Try not to tuck your chin into the book as your voice is then addressing the
floor. Hold your book higher and project your voice.
Pause occasionally: Let the end of a sentence or the end of a paragraph give you a chance of a small,
two or three second rest. Pauses can be useful for emphasis.
Practice this exercise as often as you can.

Anyone can improve the sound of their voice and the way they speak in a matter of days through a few
simple exercises, like the one above. To improve you will need to maintain a certain commitment and
practice regularly for a few minutes.

The Effect of Breath on Voice and Speech

The voice is responsive to emotions and sometimes gets 'blocked', which can prevent or hinder the
expression of a range of feelings. However, it is possible to use physical exercise to help produce a more
flexible voice, in the same way that people who use vocal sounds professionally take lessons, to ensure
that their voices are kept in a versatile condition and ready to vocalise a range of sounds.
When under stress an individual's breathing pattern will change. When your muscles are tense you
cannot use your lungs to their full capacity, when a person is frightened or nervous, a common symptom
is tension in the neck and shoulders. This occurs because, when under pressure, over-breathing tends
to occur. Plenty of air is inhaled, but with fast breathing there is not enough time to exhale and relax.
Good breathing is essential for two reasons:
By using full lung capacity the breath will support the voice and the voice will become richer, fuller and
stronger. This will benefit individuals who have a small voice and who worry that they cannot be heard
when speaking to a group of people. Volume is controlled in the abdomen not in the throat, so
breathing to full strength will allow for greater control of the voice.
Breathing deeply and rhythmically has a calming and therapeutic effect as it releases tension and
promotes relaxation. Individuals who are relaxed are more balanced, receptive and confident. It is no
coincidence that several religions use rhythmic breathing techniques such as meditation, yoga and silent
contemplation, and vocal release in the form of chants, mantras or hymn singing as aids to their
devotions. By easing physical tension, mental stress decreases and the mind is effectively freed to
follow creative pursuits.
Breathing Exercise
1. Stand in an easy position with your feet one pace apart, with the knees ‘unlocked’ and not rigidly
pushed back. Keep spine straight, head balanced and face muscles relaxed.
2. Breathe in to a slow count of three, then out to a slow count of three.

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3. Try not to raise your shoulders as you breathe. Breathe in through your nose and out through your
mouth. Consciously think of your breath 'filling down' to the bottom of your lungs.
4. Put the palm of your hand flat against your abdomen and feel the movement. Push slightly against
your hand as you breathe in and out.
Repeat this exercise ten times.
Depending on how you feel after several days of doing this exercise, extend the count of the out-going
breath from three to four, five and six gradually building up to ten before you need to take another
breath. Then count out loud on the out-going breath from one to ten. Repeat five times.
By building up your control of out-going breath, you will never sound ‘breathy’ or feel you are 'running
out of breath’ when you speak to a group or a meeting.
Vocal Production
The following three core elements of vocal production need to be understood for anyone wishing to
become an effective speaker:
 Volume - to be heard.
 Clarity - to be understood.
 Variety - to add interest.
Volume
This is not a question of treating the voice like the volume control on the TV remote. Some people have
naturally soft voices and physically cannot bellow. Additionally, if the voice is raised too much, tonal
quality is lost. Instead of raising the voice it should be 'projected out'. Support the voice with lots of
breath - the further you want to project the voice out, the more breath you need.
When talking to a group or meeting, it is important to never aim your talk to the front row or just to the
people nearest you, but to consciously project what you have to say to those furthest away. By
developing a strong voice, as opposed to a loud voice, you will be seen as someone positive.
Clarity
Some people tend to speak through clenched teeth and with little movement of their lips. It is this
inability to open mouths and failure to make speech sounds with precision that is the root cause of
inaudibility. The sound is locked into the mouth and not let out. To have good articulation it is
important to unclench the jaw, open the mouth and give full benefit to each sound you make, paying
particular attention to the ends of words. This will also help your audience as a certain amount of lip-
reading will be possible.
Variety
To make speech effective and interesting, certain techniques can be applied. However, it is important
not to sound false or as if you are giving a performance. Whilst words convey meaning, how they are
said reflects feelings and emotions. Vocal variety can be achieved by variations in:
 Pace: This is the speed at which you talk. If speech is too fast then the listeners will not have
time to assimilate what is being said. Nevertheless, it is a good idea to vary the pace -
quickening up at times and then slowing down – this will help to maintain interest.
 Volume: By raising or lowering volume occasionally, you can create emphasis. If you drop your
voice to almost a whisper (as long as it is projected) for a sentence or two, it will make your
audience suddenly alert, be careful not to overuse this technique.
 Pitch - Inflection - Emphasis: When speaking in public, try to convey the information with as
much vocal energy and enthusiasm as possible. This does not mean your voice has to swoop
and dive all over the place in an uncontrolled manner. Try to make the talk interesting and
remember that when you are nervous or even excited, vocal chords tense and shorten causing
the voice to get higher. Emphasize certain words and phrases within the talk to convey their
importance and help to add variety.
 Pause: Pauses are powerful. They can be used for effect to highlight the preceding statement
or to gain attention before an important message. Pauses mean silence for a few
seconds. Listeners interpret meaning during pauses so have the courage to stay silent for up to
five seconds – dramatic pauses like this convey authority and confidence.

Before any important speaking situation, whether it is an appointment, meeting or talk, it is beneficial to
have a voice warm-up.

The voice is an instrument - no musician arrives at a concert hall and launches into Beethoven without
first tuning up. The length of time and frequency of a warm-up is up to you and will depend on how
much speaking you need to do.

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How to be Polite
Being polite means being aware of and respecting the feelings of other people. We may not always
notice politeness but we usually notice rudeness or inconsiderate behaviour.
This page takes a step back and covers some of the fundamentals of building and maintaining
relationships with others. We provide examples of the most common behaviours that are considered
polite.
Politeness can and will improve your relationships with others, help to build respect and rapport, boost
your self-esteem and confidence, and improve your communication skills.
Many of the points raised on this page may seem obvious (in most cases they are common-sense) but all
too often social manners are overlooked or forgotten. Take some time to read through the following
points and think about how being polite and demonstrating good social etiquette can improve your
relationships with others.
It is easy to recognize when people are rude or inconsiderate but often more difficult to recognize these
traits in yourself. Think carefully about the impressions you leave on others and how you can easily
avoid being considered ill-mannered or ignorant.
Politeness Guidelines
You can apply the following (where appropriate) to most interactions with others – friends, colleagues,
family, customers, everybody! Always use common sense and try to behave as appropriately as
possible, taking into account any cultural differences.
1. Say hello to people – greet people appropriately, gain eye contact and smile naturally, shake hands or
hug where appropriate but say hello, especially to colleagues and other people you see every day. Be
approachable. Do not blank people just because you’re having a bad day.
2. Take time to make some small talk - perhaps mention the weather or ask about the other person’s
family or talk about something that is in the news. Make an effort to engage in light conversation, show
some interest, but don’t overdo it. Remain friendly and positive and pick up on the verbal and non-
verbal signals from the other person.
3. Try to remember things about the other person and comment appropriately – use their spouse’s
name, their birthday, any significant events that have occurred (or are about to occur) in their
life. Always be mindful of others’ problems and difficult life events.
4. Always use ‘please’ and ‘thank you’. Make sure you thank people for their input or contribution and
always include ‘please’ when asking for something. If somebody offers you something use 'Yes please' or
'No thank you'.
5. Praise and/or congratulate others on their achievements. Praise needs to be seen as genuine – this
can be difficult if you feel jealous or angry.
6. At work be polite and helpful to your subordinates as well as your bosses. Respect and acknowledge
the positions, roles and duties of others.
7. Use appropriate language – be respectful of gender, race, religion, political viewpoints and other
potentially controversial or difficult subjects. Do not make derogatory or potentially inflammatory
comments.
8. Learn to listen attentively - pay attention to others while they speak – do not get distracted mid-
conversation and do not interrupt. Respect other people's time. Try to be precise and to-the-point in
explanations without appearing to be rushed.
9. Be assertive when necessary but respect the right of others to be assertive too. (See our pages
on Assertiveness for more.)
10. Avoid gossip. Try to have positive things to say about other people.
11. Apologies for your mistakes. If you say or do something that may be considered rude or
embarrassing then apologies, but don’t overdo your apologies.
12. Avoid jargon and vocabulary that may be difficult for others to understand – explain complex ideas
or instructions carefully. Do not appear arrogant.
13. Respect, and be prepared to listen to, the ideas and opinions of others.
14. Dress appropriately for the situation. Avoid wearing revealing clothing in public and avoid staring at
others who are wearing revealing clothing. Avoid being dressed too casually for the situation.
15. Use humour carefully. Aim not to cause any offence and know the boundaries of appropriate
language for different situations.
16. Practice good personal hygiene. Wash and brush your teeth regularly, change your clothes and use
deodorant. Avoid strong perfumes, after-shaves or colognes.
17. Be punctual. If you have arranged to meet somebody at a certain time make sure you are on time,
or even a few minutes early. If you are going to be late let the other person/people know as far in
advance as you can. Do not rely on feeble or exaggerated excuses to explain lateness. Respect other
people’s time and don’t waste it.
18. Always practice good table manners. When eating around others avoid foods with strong odors, do
not talk with your mouth full or chew with your mouth open, and eat quietly.
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19. Do not pick your nose or ears, chew on your fingers or bite your fingernails in public. Also avoid
playing excessively with your hair.
Good manners cost nothing but can make a big difference to how other people feel about you, or the
organization you are representing. When you’re polite and show good manners others are more likely to
be polite and courteous in return.
You can improve your face-to-face or interpersonal relationships with others in many different ways –
SkillsYouNeed has numerous pages providing in-depth advice and discussion on specific topics related to
interpersonal skills. Follow the links below to further reading.

Building Rapport
Rapport is a state of harmonious understanding with another individual or group that enables greater
and easier communication. In other words rapport is getting on well with another person, or group of
people, by having things in common, this makes the communication process easier and usually more
effective.
Sometimes rapport happens naturally, you ‘hit it off’ or ‘get on well’ with somebody else without having
to try, this is often how friendships are built. However, rapport can also be built and developed by
finding common ground, developing a bond and being empathic.
This page examines rapport and how it can be built, especially when meeting new people. Rapport is
important in both our professional and personal lives; employers are more likely to employ somebody
who they believe will get on well with their current staff. Personal relationships are easier to make and
develop when there is a closer connection and understanding between the parties involved – i.e. there
is greater rapport.
The first task in successful interpersonal relationships is to attempt to build rapport. Building rapport
is all about matching ourselves with another person. For many, starting a conversation with a
stranger is a stressful event; we can be lost for words, awkward with our body language and
mannerisms. Creating rapport at the beginning of a conversation with somebody new will often
make the outcome of the conversation more positive. However stressful and/or nervous you may
feel the first thing you need to do is to try to relax and remain calm, by decreasing the tension in the
situation communication becomes easier and rapport grows.

Break the Ice

When meeting somebody for the first time some simple tips will help you reduce the tension in the
situation enabling both parties to feel more relaxed and thus communicate more effectively:
 Use non-threatening and ‘safe topics’ for initial small talk. Talk about established shared
experiences, the weather, how you travelled to where you are. Avoid talking too much about
yourself and avoid asking direct questions about the other person.
 Listen to what the other person is saying and look for shared experiences or circumstances - this will
give you more to talk about in the initial stages of communication.
 Try to inject an element of humour. Laughing together creates harmony, make a joke about yourself
or the situation/circumstances you are in but avoid making jokes about other people.
 Be conscious of your body language and other non-verbal signals you are sending. Try to maintain
eye contact for approximately 60% of the time.
 Relax and lean slightly towards them to indicate listening, mirror their body-language if appropriate.
Show some empathy. Demonstrate that you can see the other person’s point of view. Remember
rapport is all about finding similarities and ‘being on the same wavelength’ as somebody else - so
being empathic will help to achieve this.
Make sure the other person feels included but not interrogated during initial conversations, as you may
feel tense and uneasy meeting and talking to somebody new, so may they. Put the other person at
ease, this will enable you to relax and conversation to take on a natural course.

Although initial conversations can help us to relax, most rapport-building happens without words and
through non-verbal communication channels.
We create and maintain rapport subconsciously through matching non-verbal signals, including body
positioning, body movements, eye contact, facial expressions and tone of voice with the other person.
Watch two friends talking when you get the opportunity and see how they sub-consciously mimic each
other’s non-verbal communication. We create rapport instinctively, it is our natural defense from
conflict, which most of us will try hard to avoid most of the time.
It is important that appropriate body language is used; we read and instantly believe what body
language tells us, whereas we may take more persuading with vocal communication. If there is a
mismatch between what we are saying verbally and what our body language is saying then the person
we are communicating with will believe the body language. Building rapport, therefore, begins with
displaying appropriate body language - being welcoming, relaxed and open.

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As well as paying attention to and matching body language with the person we are communicating with,
it helps if we can also match their words. Reflecting back and clarifying what has been said are useful
tactics for repeating what has been communicated by the other person. Not only will it confirm that you
are listening but also give you opportunity to use the words and phases of the other person, further
emphasizing similarity and common ground. (See Reflecting and Clarifying for more information)
The way we use our voice is also important in developing rapport. When we are nervous or tense we
tend to talk more quickly, this in turn can make you sound more tense and stressed. We can vary our
voices, pitch, volume and pace in ways to make what we are saying more interesting but also to come
across as more relaxed, open and friendly. Try lowering your tone, talk more slowly and softly, this will
help you develop rapport more easily.
Helpful Rapport Building Behaviours
 If you are sitting then lean forward, towards the person you are talking to, with hands open and
arms and legs uncrossed. This is open body language and will help you and the person you are
talking to feel more relaxed.
 Look at the other person for approximately 60% of the time. Give plenty of eye-contact but be
careful not to make them feel uncomfortable.
 When listening, nod and make encouraging sounds and gestures.
 Smile!
 Use the other person’s name early in the conversation. This is not only seen as polite but will also
reinforce the name in your mind so you are less likely to forget it!
 Ask the other person open questions. Open questions require more than a yes or no answer. (See
our pages: Questioning and Types of Question)
 Use feedback to summarize, reflect and clarify back to the other person what you think they have
said. This gives opportunity for any misunderstandings to be rectified quickly.
 Talk about things that refer back to what the other person has said. Find links between common
experiences.
 Try to show empathy. Demonstrate that you can understand how the other person feels and can
see things from their point of view. (See: What is Empathy? for more)
 When in agreement with the other person, openly say so and say why.
 Build on the other person’s ideas.
 Be non-judgmental towards the other person. Let go of stereotypes and any preconceived ideas
you may have about the person.
 If you have to disagree with the other person, give the reason first then say you disagree.
 Admit when you don’t know the answer or have made a mistake. Being honest is always the best
tactic, acknowledging mistakes will help to build trust.
 Be genuine, with visual and verbal behaviors working together to maximize the impact of your
communication.
 Offer a compliment, avoid criticism and be polite. (See: How to be Polite for more information)