How

to Develop Emotional
Intelligence

Paul Newton
 

PAUL NEWTON

HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL
INTELLIGENCE

2
How to Develop Emotional Intelligence
1st edition
© 2018 Paul Newton & bookboon.com
ISBN 978-87-403-2482-2

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HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Contents

CONTENTS
Preface 6

Introduction 7

1 Self-Awareness 10

2 Self-Management 16

3 Social Awareness 24

4 Relationship Management 33

5 EQ, Communication, and Coaching 36

6 Change, Conflict, and Leadership 40

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HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Contents

7 Summary 44

8 References 45

9 Appendix A – EQ Timeline 46

10 Appendix B – Emotional Intelligence Framework 47

5
HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Preface

PREFACE
This eBook explains how to develop your personal and social competencies using the reflective
cycle technique. This simple six-stage process can help you to develop your emotional
intelligence and become a more effective manager.

You will learn:

• What behaviors are involved in each of the four competencies that make up EQ
• How to examine your own behaviors in each area honestly and objectively
• How to use the reflective cycle technique to boost your own emotional intelligence
• How emotional intelligence can make team leadership easier and more effective
• How it can be applied to change management situations and to resolving conflicts

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HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Introduction

INTRODUCTION
To successfully develop your own emotional intelligence you must be willing to reflect on
your own performance and behavior. This requires you to review situations with an objective,
honest, and open mindset. Unless you are willing to ‘really’ see what you find, you will
not be able to raise your EQ.

Relationship Self-
Management Awareness

Social Self-
Awareness Management

The four competencies that make up EQ are shown in the diagram above. Your development
starts with ‘self-awareness’ and moves around the segments in a clockwise direction. This is
an iterative process throughout your whole career.

It is only by constantly reviewing your level of each EQ competency that you will attain
the recognition and reward you aspire to. The way you achieve this is by using a simple
technique called the ‘reflective cycle.’

This involves asking yourself a series of questions that focus on your emotional state during
a specific incident or event. This allows you to identify what emotions you felt and to
determine how appropriate they were. Through this evaluation process you assess the level
of impact your emotions and their associated behaviors had on the incident.

Depending on the level of impact these had you decide how the outcome could have been
improved if you had shown different emotions or behaviors. Your final reflection is on what
action you will take to ensure that you appropriately mange your emotions in future.

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HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Introduction

Reflective
Cycle
Your action Select incident
plan to review

What would
How did you
you do
feel?
differently?

Did this affect

If Yes, how?
the outcome?

It is essentially a questioning process: you ask yourself a series of questions in order to

determine how you need to alter your behavior to attain the required objective:

1. Select a particular event or incident that you felt could have gone better or that
you want to better understand.
2. Then look at your feelings.
• How did you feel about the event as it unfolded?
• What emotions did you display during the event?
• What emotions did the other party show?
3. Having established the emotional state of all parties throughout the event you then
need to assess whether your own emotions and behavior affected the outcome.
4. If you decide that they did, then you need to understand how your emotions altered
the situation. And whether this was for the better or not.
• Did you cause heightened emotions in the other party?
• Did your emotions exacerbate the situation?
• Did you try to anticipate potential emotional reactions?
• Did you prepare or think how you might respond?
• Did your emotions divert your focus from the objective?

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HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Introduction

5. Now that you have identified how your own emotions, behavior, and preparation
(or lack of ) impacted on the event, what would you change if faced with the same
or a similar situation again?
• What would you do differently?
• How would you control your own emotions?
• What did you do well? Should you have done more of this?
6. Once you have a list of changes you want to make in your display of emotions
and behaviors, create a clearly defined action plan that enables you to achieve this.
This plan should have:
• A clear objective you want to attain
• Specific tasks with a timeframe
• Opportunities to review progress and make revisions as needed.

This process is cyclical and will give you the best results if you have a few well-defined short-
term objectives. The further along you are in your EQ development the greater focus your
action plan will have on improving your social awareness and relationship management. By
incorporating the reflective cycle technique into your personal development plan you will
attain your desired level of EQ.

Key Points

• You must be willing to examine your own behavior honestly and objectively if you
want to increase your own EQ.
• The four competencies that make up EQ are: Self-awareness, Self-management,
Social Awareness, and Relationship Management.
• The reflective cycle technique is a six-stage process that can help you to develop
your EQ.

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HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Self-Awareness

1 SELF-AWARENESS
The first area you need to assess is personal competency. This consists of self-awareness and
self-management.

Personal Self- Self-

Competence Awareness Management

Self-awareness is all about recognizing and understanding how your own emotions both
affect your interactions with others and impact on others’ emotional state. This involves
being conscious of your own emotional state, something that can be challenging for number
of reasons:

• Firstly, your emotions can change from one moment to the next.
• Secondly, you may experience a variety of emotions at any one time.
• Thirdly, the times when it is most important to be aware of your emotions are the
times when you’re under stress and therefore least likely to do so.
• Finally, you may also have certain mental blocks and not be prepared to recognize
certain emotions for what they are.

It is quite common for people to be in denial about certain emotions like anger and
fear because they believe them to be a sign of weakness. Such emotions are also seen as
undesirable in the organization’s culture. Consequently, emotional self-awareness may be
easy to understand, but it is difficult to put into practice.

You continually monitor, observe, and record the performance of your team members against
their appraisal objectives. So use this same process to assess and note your own emotions and
behavior. This can help you to become aware of any patterns in your emotions throughout
your working day.

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HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Self-Awareness

These notes are for your eyes only, so be completely honest with yourself. Create your own
simple shorthand system for logging your feelings and your ability to control them during
particular events. Your notes should detail:

• Who you interacted with and their ‘relation’ to you

• The topic of the interaction
• What emotions you felt
• How strongly you felt them
• Whether you could you control them.

In this way you will be able to quickly identify whether your most common emotion is
positive or not. The sort of questions to ask yourself are:

Do particular people or activities cause you to feel negatively and how strong is this feeling?
Have you isolated certain events where you should have had strong feelings but didn’t?
Do you feel as though you are able to keep an accurate and fair record of your emotions, and
if not why not?

Also, your notes will be able to reflect your strengths and weaknesses or areas for improvement,
and you can then use the reflective cycle to identify an action plan. It is key that you note
both activities that could have gone better and those that went well. This way you will give
yourself the same constructive and objective feedback that will build up your self-confidence.

If you feel unsure of what events to track as part of your EQ development start with
those occasions where you have exhibited the particular behaviors associated with negative
emotions. Instances when you displayed such emotions are easier to recall even some time
after event. For example:

• Inappropriate humor or sarcasm

• Passive-aggressive behavior
• Playing the victim.

These behaviors often result from feelings of anger, frustration, or avoidance of confrontation
and ignore the underlying problem. In some instances others will see such behavior as
reflecting a low level of EQ because of its inappropriateness or immaturity.

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HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Self-Awareness

If you find yourself reacting to the sarcasm of others, you need to control your instinctive
reaction so that you can look beyond it to determine the underlying emotion, its causes,
and implications. For example;

A member of your team may give a sarcastic reply to your enquiry as to why they are always
late with their report.
By replacing your angry retort with your questioning skills you will learn that the individual
feels their efforts are unrecognized, insignificant, ignored, or unappreciated.

Armed with this knowledge you can then address the underlying emotion and its implications.

Another very common negative emotion managers are likely to encounter, or exhibit, is that
of passive-aggressive behavior. Such behavior becomes more prevalent the more formal a
working environment is. The more formal the atmosphere the less acceptable it is to express
emotions honestly.

By answering the following questions you will be able to identify such behavior in yourself
and others:

Do you find yourself having a strong emotional reaction to increases in an already heavy
workload, poor work quality, lack of respect, times when your credibility is questioned, etc.?
Are you resentful of, or do you oppose, others’ demands?
Do you procrastinate over tasks or make intentional mistakes in response to others’ demands?
Is your attitude cynical, sullen, or hostile?

The diagram below shows a variety of ways individuals can indirectly express their negative
emotions or hostility.

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HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Self-Awareness

Examples
Deliberate
of Indirect Sullenness
failure
Hostility

Poor
Procrastin- Resent-
communi-
ation ment
cation

Passive-
Hostile Stubborn-
Aggressive
jokes ness
Behavior

By using techniques to develop your EQ self-awareness you will be able to openly address
such behaviors and their underlying emotions. If you recognize such tactics in your own
behavior you need to accept that you may have a problem asserting your own thoughts and
feelings, while at the same time showing appreciation and respect for someone else’s viewpoint.

A common mode of behavior people display when they experience negative emotions is
‘Playing the Victim’. This involves failure to take responsibility for your own circumstances.
It usually begins with blaming other people for your failure to do or achieve something. This
behavior prevents you from acknowledging your own shortcomings, translating into inaction.

At the heart of this emotion is usually fear. This takes two forms:

• Fear of failure prevents you taking the necessary steps to attain what you want.
• Fear that achieving the objective would not give you the payoff that you expect to
get on its completion.

Certain behaviors also mask negative behavior, and assessing whether or not you exhibit them
will help you identify what areas you need to focus on in order to develop your emotional
intelligence. These vary from things like displacement activities (such as spending too much
time on routine low-value work, where the possibility of conflict is low) to avoidance
behavior (such as taking unwarranted sick days).

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HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Self-Awareness

Look for these behaviors in your out-of-work activities in things like excessive television
watching, playing computer games, engaging in social media, etc. Each of these prevents you
from having to face up to your negative emotions. At their extreme behaviors can become
self-destructive – for example, excessive alcohol and drug consumption.

All of these behaviors have an underlying emotional cause. Once you understand the cause
you can at least begin to address it and thereby raise the level of your EQ. This also helps
your manage others by heightening your appreciation of the feelings and thinking that are
reflected in their behavior.

It is only by being aware of your own emotions and the impact they can have that you can
hope to address them. By honestly acknowledging your emotions you can begin to perfect
your emotional self-assessment skills.

Self-assessment can be conducted by yourself or by discussing your strengths and weaknesses

with others. The different tools you can use to assess your EQ are discussed in detail on
our free eBook ‘Measuring Emotional Intelligence,’ available from www.free-management-
ebooks.com.

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14
HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Self-Awareness

These tools are designed to show you the areas that you are weaker in – that is, those that
need developing. These aspects of your behavior are not irreparable flaws – they just show
your current weak spots. Your willingness to acknowledge such blemishes, whether through
self-study or by discussing them with others, is a substantial step in your EQ development.

It reflects a level of maturity in your self-confidence that is reflected in your behavior. Your
decision-making becomes more decisive even in uncertain circumstances. You also have
the conviction in your beliefs to stand up for what is right and to voice views that may
contradict those of the organization.

Key Points

• Personal competence is made up of self-awareness and self-management.

• Self-awareness is all about recognizing and understanding how your own emotions
affect your interactions with others.
• By using techniques to develop your EQ self-awareness you will be able to openly
address such behaviors and their underlying emotions.
• It is only by being aware of your own emotions and the impact they can have that
you can hope to address them.

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HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Self-Management

2 SELF-MANAGEMENT
Once you have a clear understanding of your own emotions and how they can impact on
situations and others you are ready to progress into the EQ area of self-management. This
facet of emotional intelligence builds on the basis of self-awareness and is simply the ability
to control your emotions so that they don’t control you.

Self-
Management

Controlling your own emotions

Motivating yourself in all situations

Self-management involves using what you know about your emotions to manage them
in such a way as to generate positive interactions with others and motivate yourself in all
situations. The very act of acknowledging the fact that you are feeling a negative emotion
goes a long way to preventing you from losing control of your own behavior.

EQ self-management is critical for a manager because no one wants to work for someone
who is not in control of themselves and whose reactions depend on their prevailing mood.
Being able to achieve results by shouting at and bullying team members is a relic of the past.
It has no place in modern organizations; people are aware of their rights, and employment
tribunals do not support organizations that permit bullying behavior.

Self-management does not mean that you can never become angry. There may be circumstances
in which anger is a perfectly reasonable emotional response, but the key is to have control
over it so that it can be channeled into resolving the problem at hand.

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HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Self-Management

Some people have a strong tendency to overstate in their own minds the negative aspects
of a particular situation – for example, fear of a meeting with an important client. If you
recognize this trait you should apply the reflective cycle to such situations to ensure that
you see them more realistically.

3-Step process to improve Self-control

Identify what you are feeling

Make an honest determination of the

underlying cause

Take action to break the cycle of

negative

You can also use a simple three-step process to help improve your self-control. This enables you
to think logically about scenarios and determine potential ways to deal with them. This goes
a long way to diminishing your fear or anger and raises your level of EQ self-management.

• Identify what you are feeling – this might simply be a strong feeling over a missed
deliverable, unease about a meeting, or longer-term sentiments that there is something
wrong with the environment you are working in. Whatever the starting point you
will need to exercise self-awareness before you can start to do something about it.
• Determine the underlying cause – this is a difficult step because the process
requires analysis, reflection, and honesty to identify the cause. Is the sales person
who has missed her target angry or resentful towards her boss because he told her
she had missed her target, the marketing department because they gave her too
few sales leads, or herself for missing opportunities?
• Take action – once you’ve identified the true cause of your emotion you can do
something that breaks you out of the cycle of negative emotion. It could simply be
to recognize that the emotions that you are feeling are inappropriate or unjustified,
or that they are directed at the wrong target.

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HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Self-Management

Only by recognizing the truth behind the causes of your emotions will you be able to control
and manage them even when you are stressed and angry. This is extremely important for a
manager in terms of being able to motivate his team. This doesn’t mean that you pretend
these emotions don’t exist, dismiss them, or deny them, but you must manage them.

Your primitive so you are

Emotional emotions take unable to realistically &
Hijacking over your thought view a objectively
process situation

Your own team will be looking up to you for cues as to how to behave and what is acceptable.
If you are unable to control your own emotions they will see no reason to control theirs.
This lack of self-discipline amongst individuals encourages undesirable behaviors. Goleman
refers to this as ‘emotional hijacking.’ This is where a person’s mind gets taken over by their
‘primitive’ emotions and inhibits them from viewing a situation realistically and objectively.

These emotional breakdowns are involuntarily building up slowly and symptoms are often
overlooked. A trigger event, such as frequent bullying or feeling unsupported by management,
causes the individual’s behavior to have negative consequences.

By making an honest assessment of your own behavior and that of your team you will be
able to identify and address any problems before they become destructive. This includes
such behaviors as:

• Being unduly influenced by others

• Foreshadowing (see below)
• Dwelling on isolated events
• Being overcritical
• Seeking to blame others
• Thinking ‘always’ or ‘never’
• Focusing on or presupposing negative feedback
• Taking on too much responsibility.

The key to developing your EQ self-management lies in your honest appraisal of your own
behavior. Once a negative form of behavior is identified, you can take positive steps to
control or eradicate it.

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HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Self-Management

Many people are unduly influenced by the moods and attitudes of the people around them.
Are you aware of instances where you or a member of your team has been influenced in
this way? If so then you may need to make a conscious effort to insulate yourself so that
you retain your objectivity in such situations.

Only a few people will have this effect on you and you need to know who they are. You
may have a personal relationship with this individual that is in some way more profound
than a normal working relationship. It can also be someone that you respect, admire, or
closely identify with.

Being aware that certain individuals have an impact on your own emotions is the key
step. Knowing they exist helps you to minimize any negative impact it has on your own
emotions by appreciating why their mood affects you in the way it does. Using this
knowledge you can then make a conscious effort to neutralize their negative emotion and
retain your objectiveness.

Do you think others would describe you as predicting negative outcomes for events or
interactions in the future – foreshadowing? Are you someone who continually plays out
negative scenarios in your head? The key to breaking this habit lies in your ability to develop
your analysis and objectivity so that you can assign a probability to the various outcomes.

Foreshadowing has nothing to do with being aware of real risks and taking steps to mitigate
them, but stems from fear, which in turn leads to irrational thoughts. If you are not careful
it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy as it undermines your self-confidence, which can
have a negative impact on how you come across to others and on your own productivity.

Breaking such a pattern can be difficult because it tends to be a lifelong habit. One way to
do this is to make yourself view a positive outcome to every situation and not just accept
your more habitual doom and gloom outcome to be the only one you act on.

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HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Self-Management

Behaviors that feed your negative emotions:

over-influenced by others

foreshadowing

dwelling on isolated events

criticism & blame

thinking in absolutes

focus on or expect negative feedback

take on too much responsibility

You also need to look at why you feel failure is the mostly likely result. Is it due to poor
time management, lack of delegation, unclear goals, procrastination, constant interruptions,
or some other distraction? By focusing your attention on developing good skills in such
areas your fear of failure will be reduced. Visit www.free-management-ebooks.com to get
free advice and strategies for dealing with such issues.

Some people find it easy to become fixated on one particular remark or outcome. Do you
find yourself obsessing about something that in reality is fairly minor? If you think about
the same thing over and over again, working through different responses, you are someone
who dwells on isolated events.

Dwelling on a particular situation, going over it again and again, revisiting what you said,
and thinking what would have been a better way to express your thoughts and ideas is
unhealthy. If you find the simple three-step process or the reflective cycle aren’t enough to
break this emotional cycle then you may want to seek out a coach or mentor to support
you in this process.

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HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Self-Management

Your ability to deal with criticism and blame can have a substantial impact on your emotional
state. If you feel it is unwarranted, and you’ve been given no opportunity to explain or
defend yourself, you will understandably tend towards a range of negative emotions.

Self-criticism or blame is a habit some people indulge in even when others don’t feel the
same way. This is quite destructive and creates negative emotions. You need to recognize
this trait of being over-critical and use the reflective cycle to evaluate your emotions and
plan to view external criticism in a more objective way.

Using or developing your questioning skills to get the person feeding back to you to be
specific about their meaning will help you to put a more correct perspective on things. You
must educate yourself to receive feedback with an open mind rather than prejudge what is
being said to you.

You should make sure that your own patterns of thinking are not undermining your self-
confidence. When you are doing a stressful job and you have a lot of responsibility it is
quite easy to expose yourself to emotional triggers such as:

• All-or-nothing thinking
• Perfectionism
• Thinking in terms of ‘always’ and ‘never.’

Be mindful of how you use words such as ‘always’ (‘It’s always me that has to fix things’   )
and ‘never’ (‘I never get the good projects’     ). The key to breaking this type of thinking is to
make sure you assess the ‘big picture’ and the effort of everyone involved before you make
such statements.

Part of the action plan you create using the reflective cycle would be to think critically
and remind yourself of all of the occasions when this is simply not true. If these kinds of
statements are actually true then your action plan needs to address why this is occurring.

You may want to conduct a 360 degree feedback session with your team and superiors to
understand how you are perceived. Once you have this information you can address your
behavior, emotions, and competencies to ensure your true value is recognized.

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HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Self-Management

You should accept the fact that it is impossible to please all of the people all of the time.
Whatever you do in the workplace there will usually be a certain amount of negative
feedback, even if your efforts were 95% successful. While some of this negative feedback
may be valid, it is a fact that critics tend to be more vocal than supporters.

The behavior you have to watch for is that of focusing only on the negative feedback you
receive. Consequently, you should always solicit a representative sample of feedback by
talking to a cross-section of stakeholders, as this can help you to see things in a neutral light.

You must also be mindful that you don’t begin to presuppose that any feedback you are
given will be negative. For example, you have just given your completed report to your boss
and nothing was said about it. Just because you did not get any feedback about it does
not necessarily mean that you did a bad job. It could be that your boss was busy dashing
off to a meeting that his mind was focused on. Until you know more the only reasonable
interpretation is that your boss was satisfied with what he saw and if he needs anything
else he’ll let you know.

You could also use the reflective cycle to assess the situation and to see whether or not you
missed some nonverbal signal he gave you, such as a nod or quick raising of the report,
both which could infer he was happy to get your report. It wouldn’t be reasonable to read
any more into such signals because he will have had no opportunity to read what you have
reported and how that might impact on the team’s objectives.

A common habit many managers can fall into is that of taking responsibility for outcomes
that were not within their control. This is a symptom of negative thinking that masquerades
as taking responsibility. It is not healthy or reasonable to take responsibility for everything
that happens even in your own team because people have motivations that are completely
unknown to you.

It is important that you are able to acknowledge these sorts of situations. Frequently managers
feel that when someone leaves their team to go to another job it is due to one or more
factors within their control. But in many cases it may simply be that this individual’s new
position pays more money, involves less commuting, or interests or challenges them more
than the roles you can offer them.

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HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Self-Management

The common theme with all of the above scenarios is that you are choosing to be negative
rather than positive. The first step towards overcoming this is to recognize that negative
thinking is a habit and may be one you have had your whole life. Once you recognize this,
you can then go on to eliminate it or at least mitigate the worst aspects of it.

You need to focus on behaviors such as adaptability and conscientiousness that will enable
you to alter your behavior and therefore your emotions. Your attitude switches to one
where you meet and prepare for such challenges head on, rather than resist the inevitable.
By becoming conscious of your own emotions and subsequent behaviors you can use your
initiative and flexibility to develop your EQ.

Key Points

• Self-management builds on the basis of self-awareness and is the ability to control

your emotions so that they don’t control you.
• Self-management is critical for a manager because no one wants to work for
someone who is not in control of themselves.
• Making an honest assessment of your own behavior will enable you to identify and
address problem areas before they become damaging.

23
HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Social Awareness

3 SOCIAL AWARENESS
The second area of EQ development you need to assess and plan for is social competency.
This consists of two parts: social awareness and relationship management.

Social Social Relationship

Competence Awareness Management

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of NEEDED.

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HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Social Awareness

You cannot avoid developing your ability to understand and control your own emotions
because these are prerequisites for being able to recognize and understand the emotions
of others. It is an expansion of your emotional awareness. The competencies you need to
develop to understand the emotions of others include:

• Empathy
• Organizational awareness
• Service orientation.

With good social awareness you can accurately read situations and people because you are
able to understand and empathize with their emotions. Management is about getting work
done and achieving objectives through other people. If you have poor or no understanding
of others and you cannot relate to them you will have difficulty being successful in this role.

One of the most important people skills for any manager is the ability to empathize with
others. This means that you are able to understand and appreciate why someone feels they
way they do.

The importance of empathy was explained in Stephen Covey’s book The 7 Habits of Highly
Effective People. His fifth habit was to seek first to understand, then to be understood.
That phrase reflects the simple wisdom of considering the needs of the other party in
any communication.

By using the simple technique of the reflective cycle you will learn to identify the feelings
of others you interact with and to gain insight into why they feel that way about an event
or situation. A great deal of confusion and conflict can be reduced or eliminated by simply
taking the time to understand someone else’s point of view before trying to convince them
with your own message.

The qualities Active listener

Results & people oriented
you need for Not self-centered
empathy Recognize emotional boundaries

25
HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Social Awareness

There are some factors that tend to prevent us from being able to empathize with others:

• Self-centeredness
• Non-active listening
• Results orientation
• Poor recognition of emotional boundaries.

People are quite naturally self-oriented and anxious to impose their own worldview on others.
Furthermore they expect other people to think and act like them. But this attitude is not
conducive to working well within teams. You must seek ways to achieve your goals whilst
at the same time taking into account the different capabilities, attitudes, and emotions of
others needed to attain that goal.

You cannot afford to be self-centered. As a manager you will frequently be persuading those
reporting to you to perform tasks in addition to their normal workload or to re-work a
completed task for a variety of reasons outside of your control. Your communication needs
to show that you empathize with their feelings about this request, but that you still need
the task completed.

Reflecting on the words and body language you used in these types of exchanges will
enable you to gain an appreciation of how your request was received and reacted to. From
these findings you can adapt your communications style to more effectively persuade your
team members.

As a manager you are incentivized to get results and achieve end goals so anything you can
do to attain this effectively and productively is good. So whilst some may view spending
time empathizing with others as contradictory to attaining goals, it is central to a manger’s
role of creating a motivated, cohesive, and effective team.

An essential skill successful managers develop is their ability to actively listen during their
communications. By being able to actively listen and to suspend any prejudgment of the
other’s point of view you will be able to truly empathize with others.

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HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Social Awareness

This is something that many managers reserve for occasions when they are actively coaching
rather than something that they do as a matter of course when listening to others. To develop
active listening within this capacity of EQ you need to incorporate five simple behaviors
into your communications style:

• Display 100% focus

• Show you are listening
• Never interrupt the speaker
• Acknowledge the speaker’s whole message
• Give an objective, honest response.

Your behavior must show that you are giving all your attention to the speaker by ignoring
all environmental and mental distractions. To be actively listening you must focus on both
the words being said and the nonverbal signs that the speaker is giving you.

The person speaking to you will gauge how well you are listening from the gestures, posture,
and body language you exhibit during this activity. To be an effective listener it is essential
that you let the speaker say their whole message without any interruptions.

5 Behaviors of an Active Listener

Display 100% focus

Show you are listening

Never interrupt the speaker

Acknowledge complete message

Give objective and honest response

A good active listener waits for the speaker to indicate they have presented their complete
argument and resists the need to present counter-arguments or jump to conclusions. They
will acknowledge and if necessary reflect back to the speaker what they have heard. Their
response is objective, respectful, and honest.

27
HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Social Awareness

These behaviors will ensure that you hear exactly what the other individual has said, and
that they know that you have heard what they said. To learn about active listening in greater
detail you can download our free eBook on this topic by visiting www.free-management-
ebooks.com.

For your social awareness to be effective you must not only be empathetic with others, but
be aware of the different emotional boundaries you will encounter in your daily activities
at work. This means that you are clear in your own mind as to where your own emotions
end and someone else’s begin. You are able to recognize and feel the emotions of others
without having to adopt their emotions.

If you find yourself adopting the moods of others at the expense of your own emotions
then you are likely to be someone who needs to improve their recognition of emotional
boundaries. This could be where you have accepted views of others to avoid rocking the boat.

This type of behavior often causes you to be unhappy because you spend so much time
trying to fit in that you feel uncomfortable with much of what is being done. At its worst,
it can lead to you being afraid to say what you really think even though you are convinced
that the group or individual is doing something that is ineffective or fundamentally wrong.

The key concept of emotional boundaries is that you are responsible for your own emotions,
not for the emotions of other people. It can be difficult to empathize with others whilst not
necessarily sharing their emotions or even feeling that they are valid under the circumstances.
It can take a lot of self-control in emotional and stressful situations.

You will need to choose your responses carefully in order to acknowledge the other person’s
feelings without necessarily buying into them yourself. If you do not respect emotional
boundaries you can waste a lot of time trying to change the feelings of other people when
this is beyond your control.

The second part of social awareness is your ability to understand the structure and workings
of your organization.

‘The ability to read the current of emotions and political realities in groups.’

28
HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Social Awareness

This is how Goleman described organizational awareness in his book Primal Leadership,
published in 2002. This was not part of his original model of emotional intelligence. In
practical terms organizational awareness means your ability to understand your organization’s:

• Structure and operational processes

• Inner workings, including how things are achieved informally.

In addition, it means your ability to

• Understand the organizations of your clients and vendors

• Understand these organizations’ business objectives and operations
• Act with your client’s best interest in mind.

Organizational Recognizing Understanding

Awareness key power organizational
consist of: relationships values & culture

There are two main aspects of organizational awareness that Goleman discusses: identifying
key power relationships and understanding the values and culture of the organization. The
former involves accurately recognizing the individuals who have power and political influence
in your organization.

This means you knowing ‘who’ the real decision-makers are even if they do not appear to
have any official responsibility. You need to ask yourself the following questions to identify
these personnel:

• Who has influence on the decisions made?

• Who has the power to say ‘yes’?
• Who has the power to say ‘no’?
• Who takes advice from whom?
• What are the significant personal relationships between individuals?

29
HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Social Awareness

By systematically answering these queries you will be able to evaluate the key power
relationships within your organization. This knowledge alone is not sufficient for a high
EQ; you also need to be aware of an organization’s precise culture and values to gain real
insight into its workings.

This knowledge comes from first-hand interaction with and experience of your own
organization and those of your clients or vendors. You can also gain a significant insight
into an organization by reading what it says in its annual reports and marketing material
and on its website.

Sometimes, however, there is discrepancy between what the organization says about itself
and what is actually happening on a day-to-day basis. The most accurate way to evaluate
the culture and values of an organization is to look at the recognition and reward system.
In particular you should ask yourself:

• Who gets promoted and why?

• What behavior gets rewarded?
• What behavior gets punished?
• How does the organization react to problems or challenges?
• What happens when mistakes are made?
• Are there written or unwritten rules about starting or working late?
• Are there rules about telling the truth?
• What does it take to succeed in the organization?
• Who gets fired and why?

Answering these questions can cut through the organization’s PR and make clear its real
priorities. Some organizations are notorious for elevating revenue earning potential above
everything else. In some instances this means laying-off staff who cannot be placed on billable
work for any period of more than a few weeks. Other organizations seem to promote people
on the basis that they have managed to create a problem, which they then proceed to fix
with as much drama as possible.

You need to fully understand an organization in terms of what it states to be its values
and culture and by observing how these translate into operational actions. Armed with this
knowledge you will be able to fit into its culture and be successful.

30
HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Social Awareness

The final area of EQ social awareness is that of an individual being service oriented. It is
only by understanding and being empathetic with another’s circumstances, including the
influences of their organization, that you are able to fully comprehend their ‘true’ needs.
This knowledge enables you to act in a way that suits the other person’s best interests.

Within your own organization this is the level of emotional understanding you need to
have with each of your team to ensure that they are both satisfied and motivated. This is
why the appraisal process is such a key aspect of your successful management of a team.
For example,

You discover a member of your team no longer feels challenged in their role. By questioning the
individual you find out that he feels overlooked, ignored, and disregarded by the organization.

Using your EQ skills you are able to use your knowledge of the organization and its culture
and empathize with his feelings to create a workable resolution. This could be:

• Devising a training plan that equips the team member with new skills
• Seeking opportunities to delegate additional responsibilities that utilize these new
skills
• Offering support for gaining qualifications or identifying new development
opportunities
• Using the team member’s existing skills to train others on the team
• Appraising his or her current performance to identify if any areas could be
improved on.

Everyone wants their efforts to be truly valued and appreciated. When individuals recognize
their manager giving them this type of service orientation they will be satisfied and motivated.
Emotions will run high if people feel they are treated with contempt, or disparaged or
ignored, and reductions in efficiency and performance will occur.

The time you spend using your EQ to ensure that you know and show your appreciation
of your team members’ efforts is minimal when compared to how hard you will have to
work to turn around an underperforming team. This immediate investment in your team
has long-term pay-back when working to attain goals.

31
HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Social Awareness

Key Points

• Social competence consists of social awareness and relationship management.

• Social awareness allows you to accurately read situations and people because you
are able to understand and empathize with their emotions.
• Confusion and conflict can be reduced or eliminated by simply taking the
time to understand someone else’s point of view before trying to persuade them
to change it.
• Active listening will ensure that you hear exactly what the other individual has said,
and that they know that you have heard it.
• Organizational awareness is your ability to understand the key power relationships,
values, and culture of the organization.
• You need to fully understand an organization in terms of what it states to be its
values and culture and by observing how these translate into operational actions.

32
HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Relationship Management

4 RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT
The final area you need to develop as part of your emotional intelligence and raising your
EQ is that of relationship management. This is the ability to be aware of the emotions
of those people your interact with and along with your own emotions build a strong
working relationship.

Relationship Management includes the identification, analysis, and management of relationships

with people inside and outside of your team as well as their development through feedback
and coaching. It also incorporates your ability to communicate, persuade, and lead others,
whilst being direct and honest without alienating people.

Skills You
Emotional
Your ability to need to
Intelligence
develop

Identify

Analyze
Build
relationships
Manage
- in & outside
your team
Develop / Coach
Relationship
Management Be Open

Communicate
Lead
in all
interactions Persuade

Inform

33
HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Relationship Management

This is the aspect of your EQ that enables you to succeed in inspiring other people and
helping them to reach their full potential. It is also vital in negotiating successfully, resolving
conflicts, and working with others toward a shared goal. Your success in this final area is
directly correlated to your success in the other three areas because management is all about
getting work done through other people, some of whom you have no direct authority over.

According to Goleman, the competencies associated with relationship management are:

• Influence – your ability to build a consensus and win people’s support by being
able to focus on what is important to others.
• Leadership – be the person that others choose to follow.
• Developing Others – by recognizing others’ strengths and offering challenges to
develop them.
• Communication – plan your communications to ensure the right emotional tone
is used.
• Change Catalyst – be willing to question established ideals and initiate new ideas,
recognizing when change is needed.
• Conflict Management – realizing when a situation is heading towards conflict and
taking quick and decisive action to resolve it.

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34
HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Relationship Management

• Building Bonds – by cultivating an extensive network of colleagues, acquaintances,

and friends that has mutual benefit.
• Teamwork and Collaboration – defining your success criteria in such a way that
everyone can make their own unique and valued contribution.

Combining emotional intelligence with influencing skills like making and presenting your case
means that you will be able to persuade people to your point of view without manipulating
them or simply telling them what to do. It also helps others accept a productive, goal-based
action approach to tasks.

Key Points

• Relationship Management includes the identification, analysis, and management of

relationships with people inside and outside of your team.
• It is the aspect of your EQ that enables you to succeed in inspiring other people
and helping them to reach their full potential.
• The competencies associated with relationship management include: influence,
leadership, communication, conflict management, teamwork, and collaboration.

35
HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE EQ, Communication, and Coaching

5 EQ, COMMUNICATION,
AND COACHING
The social skill of influence is enhanced when you are seen as being trustworthy and having
positive intentions. People will be much easier to persuade to adopt your point of view if they
believe that you have their interests at heart, and that you are willing to share opportunities
for personal development as well as credit for successful outcomes.

Related to this influence is your ability to lead because you cannot lead someone without
influencing them. The most important part of becoming a leader in the modern workplace
is to be the person that others choose to follow. If you want more detail on this broad
topic there are other eBooks available on www.free-management-ebooks.com that will help
you to understand the different leadership styles that exist, as well as how to build and
develop a team.

Even where compulsion is possible, it tends not to work very well because if people decide
that they don’t want to do things your way, then they can find any number of ingenious
ways to avoid doing so. In this instance you will spend so much of your time micro-
managing such underperforming individuals that you won’t have any time left to do your
job properly. To learn more about why teams underperform and how to identify and fix
performance problems download our eBook on this topic.

One of the key things you can do as a manager is to recognize the strengths of the people
you have working for you. Understanding people’s strengths and how these can be used
to contribute to the team effort is not always easy because strengths are as much about
potential as they are about what has actually been achieved to date. But through coaching
and constructive feedback you can offer assignments that challenge and foster a person’s
skills and growth.

36
HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE EQ, Communication, and Coaching

Influence
Teamwork
& Collabor- Leadership
ation

Relationship Developing
Building
Management Others
Bonds
Competencies

Conflict
Communi-
Manage-
Change cation
ment
Catalyst

Even if you feel as though you understand your team members fairly well because you
have been working with them for a long time, people may have hidden talents that you
simply don’t know about. It can often be worth finding out if this is the case by using a
psychometric tool designed to identify people’s strengths so that you can use them most
effectively.

Your HR department may already have such tools available or it may have arrangements
with tool providers. Alternatively, you may be able to find this type of tool online.

For example,
The strengths finder tool at www.strengthsfinder.com can be used to identify an individual’s
top five strengths out of a total of 45. Using something like this can help you to discover new
strengths in your team members with minimal cost and effort.

37
HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE EQ, Communication, and Coaching

Taking the time to develop your own coaching skills can greatly enhance your EQ in this
area of relationship management. To understand the principles behind effective coaching and
how to implement an effective coaching program visit www.free-management-ebooks.com.

Communications is a foundation stone in all management and contains some degree of

emotion. How and what your say to others has the potential to evoke emotions in the
recipient. Well-planned communications can help you to set the appropriate emotional
tone, whereas poorly executed communications can trigger negative emotions, causing you
unnecessary hassle.

There is a straightforward five-step process you can go through whenever you have a significant
communication to make and this will ensure that you set the appropriate emotional tone:

• Determine your objective

• Understand how you feel about it
• Consider the recipient’s point of view
• Choose an appropriate time and place
• Use a suitable method of communication.

By being very clear from the beginning about exactly what you are trying to achieve your
communication will be focused and precise. Without a realistic objective from the start
your communications will be vague and ambiguous.

Having set your objective you need to understand your own emotions before you begin.
This is key to your success because you may need to reframe your message in neutral terms
for your audience to accept, or at least acknowledge it as a valid point of view. This ensures
that you do not project your own emotions onto the recipient and that you have taken
account of their emotions in the communication – for example by using leading questions
that they might simply disagree with.

Now your message must be communicated in a way, and at a time and place, that matches
its essence. If the conversation is of a sensitive or potentially volatile nature you need to
make sure that it takes place somewhere private. This type of message is likely best delivered
personally rather than via email; appreciating the recipient’s emotional reaction is key.

38
HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE EQ, Communication, and Coaching

The timing of the communication can have a significant impact on how it is received. For
instance, delivering bad news at the end of the day may not allow sufficient time for a
response and it allows a whole evening for the recipient to seethe or worry. Having the same
conversation first thing the next day enables you to discuss it properly or find a remedy
for the situation. It also enables you to observe their nonverbal signals as well as hear their
verbal response.

Communicating with emotional intelligence involves applying the domains of self-awareness,

self-management, and social awareness. To learn more about the principles of communication visit
www.free-management-ebooks.com and download our free eBooks on this topic.

Key Points

• People will be much easier to persuade to adopt your point of view if they believe
that you have their interests at heart.
• Well-planned communications can help you to set the appropriate emotional tone.
• Poorly executed communications can trigger negative emotions, causing you
unnecessary hassle.

39
HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Change, Conflict, and Leadership

6 CHANGE, CONFLICT,
AND LEADERSHIP
Successful managers are often individuals who are open to or seeking new ways to do things
and are forward-thinking and open to change as a way of improving themselves and helping
others to do the same. Goleman describes this sort of person as a ‘change catalyst.’

A change catalyst is someone who recognizes when change is needed and removes any
barriers to such change. Such individuals are happy to champion the required change and
use their skills to persuade and direct others to ensure its success.

Being willing to challenge the status quo also requires that you are able to recognize conflict
and to take action to resolve it as soon as possible. Any conflict can prevent effective
communication between team members. It can also kill creativity and productivity by
creating unnecessary distractions and encouraging people to behave defensively.

The nature of the modern workplace means that people will generally try to maintain an
appearance of harmony, and you need to be attuned to your environment in order to pick up
on subtle signs that something is wrong. If conflict is not properly managed it can even cause
people to leave the team because very few people enjoy working in a stressful environment.

INTEGRATING DOMINATING
(high Assertion & high Cooperation) (high Assertion & low Cooperation)

COMPROMISING
(intermediate Assertion &
Cooperation)

OBLIGATING AVOIDING
(low Assertion & high Cooperation) (low Assertion & low Cooperation)

40
HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Change, Conflict, and Leadership

The first step in dealing with conflict is to realize that it is happening. According to Blake
and Mouton’s management network, there are two conflict behaviors; cooperation (concerned
for others) and assertion (concerned for self ). Combining these two types of behavior results
in five styles of conflict management:

• Avoiding (low cooperation and low assertion) – is actually the opposite of conflict
management and involves simply ignoring the problem. It can be a successful short-
term strategy as it gives both sides in the dispute time to examine their own case
and to consider carefully what is at stake.
• Compromising (intermediate in cooperation and assertion) – involves searching
for a solution that brings some degree of satisfaction to each party in the dispute.
The problem with a compromise is that it may not necessarily be the best solution –
only one that is acceptable to both parties.

A compromise will only work provided both parties are prepared to discuss their own
preferred solution. It is also only effective where there is no strong personal animosity
between the parties and that both of them feel that giving something up is worthwhile
in order to maintain a working relationship.

• Integrating (high cooperation and assertion) – concentrates on problem solving

in a collaborative way. It involves facing conflict directly and trying to find new
and creative solutions to problems by focusing on the needs of both parties. This
style is perceived as highly effective because it provides each party with access to
the other’s perceptions and beliefs, which enables them to find a solution that
integrates the goals and needs of both.
• Obligating (high cooperation and low assertion) – is associated with attempting
to play down the differences and emphasize common ground in order to satisfy
the concern of the other party. It can be used as a strategy when a party is willing
to give up something with the hope of getting something in exchange from the
other party when needed.
• Dominating (low cooperation and high assertion) – involves suppressing the
conflict by making it clear that disagreement is not tolerated. It does not examine
or address the underlying cause of the conflict and is likely to drive it underground.
It can be used when time is limited and when a long-term solution is not that
important, either because the team is not going to be together for very much longer
or because the source of the conflict is of a transitory nature.

41
HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Change, Conflict, and Leadership

Conflicts involve both facts and feelings and the facts are only part of the story. The real
skill in conflict management is to understand why those facts matter so much to the parties
involved. This requires an understanding of the underlying emotions as well as the needs
of each of the parties. Understanding these gives you a window on their motivation, which
enables you to work together to address the conflict in the light of what it is that each
party really wants.

Always remember that the issue on the table may actually be a proxy for deeper-seated
personal issues. This is why it is so important to build bonds within your team and with
other colleagues and associates outside this group.

Define success criteria

Value all contributions

Lead by example

Reward success

Principles of
Team Building

Those who exhibit a high level of EQ in this area easily make friends and take the time to
develop mutually beneficial relationships with an extensive network of acquaintances, both
professional and friends. They easily create rapport and have a talent for keeping others
appropriately informed to ensure this bond is strong.

42
HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Change, Conflict, and Leadership

There are four key principles in being able to build successful and collaborative teams because
you rarely have the opportunity to select your ‘perfect’ team members. These principles are:

• Define success criteria – defining and communicating the team objective so that
it is easily understood by everyone and allows all team members to contribute,
regardless of their skills and experience.
• Lead by example – means exhibiting the same professional behaviors to everyone
you interact with, whether they are inside or outside your team. This includes
customers and suppliers as well as other people within your organization.
• Value all contributions – means that you will need to show that you value each
member of the team and that their views matter to you regardless of the role they
play. One simple way to exhibit this is by ensuring all views are heard when talking
about issues at a team meeting or discussion.
• Reward success – you will usually have the ability to reward those team members
you are directly responsible for. However, the extent to which you are able to offer
truly motivating rewards, especially monetary, will be influenced by your organization’s
culture and the amount of decision-making power you have.

There is a set of team leadership skills eBook available on www.free-management-ebooks.

com and if you combine the skills detailed in these with what you have learned about
emotional intelligence from this eBook, then you should be able to build and manage an
effective team.

Key Points

• Successful managers are forward-thinking and open to change.

• The ability to recognize conflict and to take action to resolve it as soon as possible
is an essential skill.
• The Blake and Mouton model can help you to understand conflict.
• Conflicts involve feelings and these need to be understood and managed.

43
HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Summary

7 SUMMARY
You must be willing to examine your own behavior honestly and objectively if you want
to increase your own EQ. The reflective cycle technique is a six-stage process that can help
you to do so.

The four competencies that make up EQ are: Self-awareness, Self- management, Social
Awareness, and Relationship Management. Self-awareness is all about recognizing and
understanding how your own emotions affect your interactions with others. Self-management
builds on the basis of self-awareness and is the ability to control your emotions so that they
don’t control you. Social awareness allows you to accurately read situations and people because
you are able to understand and empathize with their emotions. Relationship Management
includes the identification, analysis, and management of relationships with people inside
and outside of your team.

The most important part of becoming a leader in the modern workplace is to be the
person that others choose to follow. By taking the time to develop your own EQ you can
implement changes and manage conflict far more effectively than by simply compelling
people to follow your instructions.

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44
HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE References

8 REFERENCES
Alder, H. and Heather, B. (2006), NLP in 21 Days. Piatkus Books Ltd.

Bar-On, R. (2006), ‘The Bar-On Model of Emotional-Social Intelligence (ESI),’ Psicothema

18, suppl., pp. 13–25.

Blake, R. and Mouton, J. (1985), The Managerial Grid III: The Key to Leadership Excellence.
Houston: Gulf Publishing Co.

Goleman, D. (1999), Working with Emotional Intelligence, Bloomsbury Publishing Ltd.

Goleman, D. (2011), The Brain and Emotional Intelligence: New Insights,

More than Sound LLC.

Goleman, D. (2011), Leadership: The Power of Emotional Intelligence, More than Sound.

Hasson, G. (2012), Brilliant Communication Skills, Pearson.

Mayer, J.D., Salovey, P., Caruso, D.L. and Sitarenios, G. (2001), ‘Emotional Intelligence
as a Standard Intelligence,’ Emotion 1, pp. 232–242.

Mayer, J.D., Salovey, P., Caruso, D.R. and Sitarenios, G. (2003), ‘Measuring Emotional
Intelligence with the MSCEIT V2.0,’ Emotion 3, 97–105.

Patterson, K., Grenny, J., McMillan, R. and Switzler, A. (2002), Crucial Conversations,
McGraw Hill.

Patterson, K., Grenny, J., McMillan, R. and Switzler, A (2005), Crucial Confrontations.
McGraw Hill.

Pérez, J.C., Petrides, K.V. and Furnham, A. (2005), ‘Measuring Trait Emotional Intelligence,’
in Schulze, R. and Roberts, R.D. (eds.), International Handbook of Emotional Intelligence,
Cambridge, MA: Hogrefe & Huber, pp. 181–201.

Pickford, J. (ed.) (2003), Master People Management, Financial Times, Prentice Hill.

45
HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Appendix A – EQ Timeline

9 APPENDIX A – EQ TIMELINE
To develop your own EQ it is important to understand the evolution of the concept of
social or emotional intelligence as shown in the table below. This knowledge must then be
applied to suit the environment in which you work.

Emotional Quotient Timeline

Date Author Description

1930s Edward Thorndike Social intelligence – the ability to get along with other people.

Suggests that affective components of intelligence may be

1940s David Wechsler
essential to success in life.

Humanistic
1950s psychologists (e.g. Describe how people can build emotional strength.
Abraham Maslow)

Introduces the concept of multiple intelligences in his book

1975 Howard Gardner
The Shattered Mind.

Introduces the term ‘emotional intelligence’ in his doctoral

dissertation entitled ‘A Study of Emotion: Developing
1985 Wayne Payne
Emotional Intelligence; Self-integration; Relating to Fear, Pain
and Desire.’

Use the term ‘emotional quotient (EQ)’ – Beasley in a Mensa

Keith Beasley &
1987 Magazine article and Bar-On in the unpublished version of his
Reuven Bar-On
graduate thesis.

Peter Salovey Publish their landmark article, ‘Emotional Intelligence’, in the

1990
& John Mayer journal Imagination, Cognition and Personality.

Popularizes the concept of emotional intelligence in his book

1995 Daniel Goleman
Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ.

Consortium
for Research
Conduct research to identify emotional and social factors that
1996 on Emotional
are important in job success.
Intelligence in
Organizations

46
HOW TO DEVELOP
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Appendix B – Emotional Intelligence Framework

10 APPENDIX B – EMOTIONAL
INTELLIGENCE FRAMEWORK
The following has been compiled from a variety of sources by Consortium for Research on
Emotional Intelligence in Organizations ‘EI Framework’ (www.eiconsortium.org).

This EI framework details the personal and social competencies.

SELF-AWARENESS
Emotional awareness: Recognizing one’s emotions and their effects. People with this
competence:
1. Know which emotions they are feeling and why
2. Realize the links between their feelings and what they think, do, and say
3. Recognize how their feelings affect their performance
4. Have a guiding awareness of their values and goals

Accurate self-assessment: Knowing one’s strengths and limits. People with this
competence are:
5. Aware of their strengths and weaknesses
6. Reflective, learning from experience
7. Open to candid feedback, new perspectives, continuous learning, and self-
development
8. Able to show a sense of humor and perspective about themselves

Self-confidence: Sureness about one’s self-worth and capabilities. People with this
competence:
9. Present themselves with self-assurance; have ‘presence’
10. Can voice views that are unpopular and go out on a limb for what is right
11. Are decisive, able to make sound decisions despite uncertainties and pressures

SELF-REGULATION
Self-control: Managing disruptive emotions and impulses. People with this competence:
12. Manage their impulsive feelings and distressing emotions well
13. Stay composed, positive, and unflappable even in trying moments
14. Think clearly and stay focused under pressure

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Trustworthiness: Maintaining standards of honesty and integrity. People with this

competence:
15. Act ethically and are above reproach
16. Build trust through their reliability and authenticity
17. Admit their own mistakes and confront unethical actions in others
18. Take tough, principled stands even if they are unpopular

Conscientiousness: Taking responsibility for personal performance. People with this

competence:
19. Meet commitments and keep promises
20. Hold themselves accountable for meeting their objectives
21. Are organized and careful in their work

Adaptability: Flexibility in handling change. People with this competence:

22. Smoothly handle multiple demands, shifting priorities, and rapid change
23. Adapt their responses and tactics to fit fluid circumstances
24. Are flexible in how they see events

Innovativeness: Being comfortable with and open to novel ideas and new information.
People with this competence:
25. Seek out fresh ideas from a wide variety of sources
26. Entertain original solutions to problems
27. Generate new ideas
28. Take fresh perspectives and risks in their thinking

SELF-MOTIVATION
Achievement drive: Striving to improve or meet a standard of excellence. People with this
competence:
29. Are results-oriented, with a high drive to meet their objectives and standards
30. Set challenging goals and take calculated risks
31. Pursue information to reduce uncertainty and find ways to do better
32. Learn how to improve their performance

Commitment: Aligning with the goals of the group or organization. People with this
competence:
33. Readily make personal or group sacrifices to meet a larger organizational goal
34. Find a sense of purpose in the larger mission
35. Use the group’s core values in making decisions and clarifying choices
36. Actively seek out opportunities to fulfill the group’s mission

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Initiative: Readiness to act on opportunities. People with this competence:

37. Are ready to seize opportunities
38. Pursue goals beyond what’s required or expected of them
39. Cut through red tape and bend the rules when necessary to get the job done
40. Mobilize others through unusual, enterprising efforts

Optimism: Persistence in pursuing goals despite obstacles and setbacks. People with this
competence:
41. Persist in seeking goals despite obstacles and setbacks
42. Operate from hope of success rather than fear of failure
43. See setbacks as due to manageable circumstance rather than a personal flaw

SOCIAL AWARENESS
Empathy: Sensing others’ feelings and perspective, and taking an active interest in their
concerns. People with this competence:
44. Are attentive to emotional cues and listen well
45. Show sensitivity and understand others’ perspectives
46. Help out based on understanding other people’s needs and feelings

Service orientation: Anticipating, recognizing, and meeting customers’ needs. People with
this competence:
47. Understand customers’ needs and match them to services or products
48. Seek ways to increase customers’ satisfaction and loyalty
49. Gladly offer appropriate assistance
50. Grasp a customer’s perspective, acting as a trusted advisor

Developing others: Sensing what others need in order to develop and bolstering their
abilities. People with this competence:
51. Acknowledge and reward people’s strengths, accomplishments, and development
52. Offer useful feedback and identify people’s needs for development
53. Mentor, give timely coaching, and offer assignments that challenge and grow
a person’s skills.

Leveraging diversity: Cultivating opportunities through diverse people. People with this
competence:
54. Respect and relate well to people from varied backgrounds
55. Understand diverse worldviews and are sensitive to group differences
56. See diversity as opportunity, creating an environment where diverse people
can thrive
57. Challenge bias and intolerance

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Political awareness: Reading a group’s emotional currents and power relationships. People
with this competence:
58. Accurately read key power relationships
59. Detect crucial social networks
60. Understand the forces that shape views and actions of clients, customers, or
competitors
61. Accurately read situations and organizational and external realities

SOCIAL SKILLS
Influence: Wielding effective tactics for persuasion. People with this competence:
62. Are skilled at persuasion
63. Fine-tune presentations to appeal to the listener
64. Use complex strategies like indirect influence to build consensus and support
65. Orchestrate dramatic events to effectively make a point

Communication: Sending clear and convincing messages. People with this competence:
66. Are effective in give-and-take, registering emotional cues in attuning
their message
67. Deal with difficult issues straightforwardly
68. Listen well, seek mutual understanding, and welcome sharing of information
fully
69. Foster open communication and stay receptive to bad news as well as good

Leadership: Inspiring and guiding groups and people. People with this competence:
70. Articulate and arouse enthusiasm for a shared vision and mission
71. Step forward to lead as needed, regardless of position
72. Guide the performance of others while holding them accountable
73. Lead by example

Change catalyst: Initiating or managing change. People with this competence:

74. Recognize the need for change and remove barriers
75. Challenge the status quo to acknowledge the need for change
76. Champion the change and enlist others in its pursuit
77. Model the change expected of others

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Conflict management: Negotiating and resolving disagreements. People with this competence:
78. Handle difficult people and tense situations with diplomacy and tact
79. Spot potential conflict, bring disagreements into the open and help deescalate
80. Encourage debate and open discussion
81. Orchestrate win-win solutions

Building bonds: Nurturing instrumental relationships. People with this competence:

82. Cultivate and maintain extensive informal networks
83. Seek out relationships that are mutually beneficial
84. Build rapport and keep others in the loop
85. Make and maintain personal friendships among work associates

Collaboration and cooperation: Working with others toward shared goals. People with this
competence:
86. Balance a focus on task with attention to relationships
87. Collaborate, sharing plans, information, and resources
88. Promote a friendly, cooperative climate
89. Spot and nurture opportunities for collaboration

Team capabilities: Creating group synergy in pursuing collective goals. People with this
competence:
90. Model team qualities like respect, helpfulness, and cooperation
91. Draw all members into active and enthusiastic participation
92. Build team identity, esprit de corps, and commitment
93. Protect the group and its reputation; share credit

Sources:
U.S. Office of Personnel Management, MOSAIC Competencies for Professional and Administrative
Occupations.

Spencer, L.M. and Spencer, S.M. (1993), Competence at Work, Wiley; and top performance
and leadership competence studies published in Richard H. Rosier (ed.) (1994 and 1995),
The Competency Model Handbook, Volumes One and Two, Boston: Linkage,

Goleman, D. (1998), Working with Emotional Intelligence, Bantam.

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