Even with the best resources available, meeting the needs of family members in today’s fast-paced society

is difficult. The daily stress of making ends meet can take a toll on all family members, including

Parenting
children.

is hard
While it may be difficult to change circumstances such as housing, employment, and
transportation, there are things parents can do to reduce the effects of stress and to help their
work. children develop resilience. Resilience is the ability to recover from or adjust easily to adversity
or change. It is important because it allows us to overcome negative experiences, and it is an
ability that, when supported appropriately, develops throughout childhood. There is a large body
of research supporting the importance of building resilience to help prevent negative consequences of
environmental stressors.

WITHOUT RESILIENCE,
children are at risk for poor outcomes in the following areas:
Cognitive: Delayed Language Learning ~
Language Learning Difficulties ~ Memory Difficulties ~
Reduced Ability to Focus/Concentrate ~
School Readiness/Academic Failure
Emotional: Self-Regulation of Emotion ~
Self-Regulation of Behavior ~ Poor Impulse Control ~
High Emotional Reactivity
Physical: Weakened Immune System ~
Changes in Brain Development ~ Obesity ~
Mental Health Problems ~ Chronic Health Issues
Social: Aggression ~ Peer Rejection ~
Hostile Perceptions ~ Volatile Relationships

Parents have the power to make an enormous difference in Warm

and nurturing
the outcomes of their children’s development. Child
Development Research has become more sophisticated

relationships between
and provides more in-depth evidence of when, where,
and how parents can protect their children from

children and the adults

environmental stressors impacting their lives and
development.
This guide is organized according to children’s
environments, where parents might have greater in their lives are the most
Think of other ways to adopt resiliency practices important factor in developing
opportunities to help them build resilience.

in your child’s daily experience.

resilience and overcoming
potential negative effects
Pass it on– share your experiences with others, on
social media, and with us. Email us at [email protected]

of daily stress.
or tweet #resiliencebooster.

APA Office on Children Youth and Families in collaboration with

the Office on Socioeconomic Status
 he Ho m e
t
The home is your child’s first environment, and the one where she will
In

spend the most time over the course of childhood. Your home is the most
important environment for developing resilience. Key principles to support
healthy development in the home include structure and fostering a close,
warm relationship.

Structure
Children need to know what to expect and what is expected of them. This
structure provides a sense of security and comfort. Structure helps to reduce the sense of chaos or disorganization that
can be created by stress. To create structure:
Establish and stick to
family routines ✓✓ Hygiene routines
✓✓ Meal times ✓✓ Traditions, such as
✓✓ Bed times family game night,
weekend walks, or
✓✓ Homework times movie night
Create rules and expectations and apply them consistently
✓✓ One key to effective parenting and discipline is to let your child know what is expected of him, what to
expect if he doesn’t do what he is supposed to, and then to follow through, every time.
✓✓ While change may be necessary, reduce the chaos of change by maintaining routines and manage
expectations about the approaching changes.

Foster a close, warm relationship

Warm relationships help children feel secure, especially when faced with ongoing daily
stress. It is possible to maintain a warm, nurturing relationship and strong rules and expectations at the same time.

Talk about emotions. Children need to learn how to appropriately express and regulate
emotions. They look to parents as models for all sorts of behaviors, including emotion
regulation.
✓✓ Express your feelings, including anger and sadness: “When accidents happen, I feel
frustrated/sad/angry.”
✓✓ Talk about the emotions expressed in the world around you. Discuss how characters in
books or movies feel about what is happening, how siblings, relatives, or classmates feel
about events, or how it might feel to experience something new.
✓✓ Talk to your child about her emotions, both positive and negative. Talking with children
about their feelings helps them recognize those feelings and learn how to regulate them
effectively.

Model and discuss self-control. The ability to regulate emotions and behavior is essential for
succeeding in school, at work, and in social relationships.
✓✓ When talking about how you feel, also talk about what you will do to appropriately express or
release those feelings.
✓✓ Model the behavior you want to see in your child, including responses to anger.
✓✓ Play games that support self-control, like musical chairs, or red light/green light.
Model and discuss problem solving
✓✓ Share how you resolve problems, large and small, from what to make for dinner to how to make sure the bills are
paid.
✓✓ Play games that ask your child to come up with solutions.
✓✓ When your child has a question or a problem, instead of offering suggestions immediately, start with questions,
such as, “What do you think might work?” Help him think through his ideas before offering suggestions of your
own, and discuss them too.
Build strong communications skills. Both understanding and
using language are important for successful interactions. Communication
skills, including a strong vocabulary and correct language use are strongly
linked to academic success.
✓✓ Make up family stories in which family members take turns adding
something.
✓✓ Talk to your child about your day, and ask about her day.
✓✓ Read together, every day if possible, from birth. As your child
begins to read, take turns reading to each other.
✓✓ Sing and dance together.

In the Neighborhood and Community

Your neighborhood provides your child with his first exploration into the
world. Although you cannot control all of the factors in your neighborhood,
you can build and take advantage of resources that support resilience.
Get to know your neighbors and form close relationships. Neighbors are an important source of support
and social interaction. Relationships with neighbors create the social structure in neighborhoods that foster a
sense of belonging and caring, social-monitoring to protect and support each other, and positive feelings about the
neighborhood.
Seek out resources within your community. Although community services may be limited where you live,
seek out any that are offered, and take advantage of all that you can.

✓✓ Libraries offer learning opportunities, entertainment programming, and educational programming in

addition to lending books.

✓✓ Community Centers/YMCA’s/Boys and Girls Clubs offer sports programming,

social events, entertainment, and educational opportunities at no or low cost, often with lower costs based on
income eligibility.

✓✓ Churches and Faith-Based Institutions often provide child care, before/after school care,
and other youth development programs. They can also facilitate your child’s relationships with others around
pro-social activities.

✓✓ Museums & Parks often have free or low-cost admission fees and
special activities for children and youth.
✓✓ Community groups organized around issues or
activities – If you have questions or concerns about the way things work in
your town or city, get involved. The best way to ensure change is to be a part of it.

✓✓ VOTE – If you don’t have time to take up an issue, you can look for public
officials who will address those issues. Find out about the positions on issues
important to you of those running for office, and use your vote to seek change.
 How can my child care help?
Even when you have limited options for child care, there
are important factors you can look for to ensure that this
environment will support your child’s developing resilience.
Basically, the child care environment should mirror the home
environment in many ways. Look for child care providers who:
✓✓ Help children feel safe, protected, and valued
✓✓ Get down on the child’s level to interact
✓✓ Talk with children respectfully
✓✓ Interact frequently and regularly with the children,
rather than simply supervising them
✓✓ Demonstrate sensitivity to the children’s needs and
feelings
✓✓ Play pre-reading and pre-math games, games that foster
imagination and problem-solving, games that practice
self-control, and games that discuss and model feelings

How can my school help?

As with child care, you may have few or no options about the schools your child attends. But, there are
things you can look for in a teacher or school when considering which teacher to request for the next
year, and suggestions you can make to the PTA and School Board for improving the school.
✓✓ Positive, sensitive or caring, and respectful teacher attitude
✓✓ Teachers who reinforce instances of good behavior and good performance
✓✓ Teachers and schools who do not treat children differently or have different expectations of students from different
backgrounds or with different test scores
✓✓ Classrooms with mixed child ability levels and interaction of children across ability levels
✓✓ Options for student participation and activities beyond basic reading and math
✓✓ Schools with an emphasis on attendance

References Additional Resources and Links

Blair, C. & Raver, C.C. (2012). Child development in the context of adversity. American Center for Disease Control and Prevention Child Development Resource
Psychologist, 67(4), 309-318. DOI:10.1037/a0027493. http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/childdevelopment/
Malhomes, V. & King, R.B. (Eds.) (2012). The Oxford Handbook of Poverty and Child Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University
Development. New York: Oxford University Press. http://developingchild.harvard.edu/
McLoyd, V.C. (1998). Socioeconomic disadvantage and child development. American Thirty Million Words Initiative at University of Chicago | http://tmw.org/
Psychologist, 53(2), 185-204.
Zero to Three | http://www.zerotothree.org/
Thompson, R.A. (2014). Stress and child development. The Future of Children, 24(1),
41-59. Too Small to Fail | http://toosmall.org/
PBS Parents | http://www.pbs.org/parents/
National Association for the Education of Young Children for Families
http://families.naeyc.org/