Attachment and Conflict Communication in Adult Romantic Relationships
Attachment and Conflict Communication in Adult Romantic Relationships
Attachment and Conflict Communication in Adult Romantic Relationships
ABSTRACT
This study explored the connections between adult attachment
styles (i.e., secure, preoccupied, fearful-avoidant, dismissing)
and communication patterns during conflict (i.e., mutual
constructive, demand-withdraw, mutual avoidance, and with-
holding). Specifically, this study examined how the combina-
tion of both partners’ attachment styles, or couple type (i.e.,
secure-secure, secure-insecure, insecure-insecure), related to
self-reported conflict communication patterns. Couples had
been together for at least two years (i.e., in a dating, cohabi-
tating, engaged, or marital relationship). Participants included
43 different-sex couples and 10 same-sex couples, who lived
primarily in a large metropolitan area in the southwestern US.
Secure-secure couples reported the most mutually constructive
communication, while the insecure-insecure couples group
reported the most demand-withdraw and mutual avoidance
and withholding communication. Implications for counseling
with couples and families are discussed.
KEY WORDS:
adult romantic relationships attachment style •
communication conflict • demand-withdrawal
All correspondence concerning this article should be sent to Debra Mollen, PhD,Texas Woman’s
University, P.O. Box 425470, Department of Psychology and Philosophy, Denton, Texas 76204,
USA [e-mail: [email protected]].
TABLE 1
Characteristics associated with the secure, preoccupied, dismissing, and
fearful-avoidant attachment style groups based on the research of
Bartholomew (1990), Bartholomew and Horowitz (1991), and Collins,
Guichard, Ford, and Feeney (2004)
Model of Self
Positive Negative
SECURE PREOCCUPIED
• Self as competent and lovable • Self as incompetent and unlovable
• High self-esteem (source is positive • Low self-esteem (fluctuates based
• relationships) • on the approval of others)
• High self-acceptance • Sees others as caring, trustworthy,
• Confident in social situations • and responsive
Positive
DISMISSING FEARFUL-AVOIDANT
• Self as competent and lovable • Self as incompetent and unlovable
• High self-esteem (source is work/ • Low self-esteem (fluctuates based
• autonomy) • on the approval of others)
• Sees others as unresponsive and • Sees others as rejecting, distant,
• distant • and unresponsive
Negative
the role of the demander was taken on by the person who generated the
conflict topic and the other partner took on the role of the withdrawer;
therefore, whoever wanted change to occur became the demander and the
one who wanted to keep things the way they were became the withdrawer.
The demand-withdraw communication pattern has been linked to decreased
current and future relationship satisfaction; however, high expression of
positive affect moderated the strength of this negative association (Caughlin
& Huston, 2002; Heavey, Christensen, & Malamuth, 1995). Julien, Chartrand,
Simard, Bouthillier, and Bégin (2003) found that both negative individual
behaviors (e.g., hostility, tension, negative affect, avoidance, denial, and un-
responsiveness) and positive dyadic behavior (e.g., interactional synchrony
characterized by adaptation, timing, pacing, and shared conversational
control) during the conflict task explained unique variance in relationship
quality of both different-sex and same-sex couples.
Pietromonaco et al. (2004) explored how research on conflict in adult
romantic relationships can be conceptualized in an attachment theory
framework. They theorized that individuals’ attachment styles predict what
expectations and beliefs they have of their partners and their relationships
and what relationship goals they strive to achieve, which in turn influence
what thoughts, feelings, and behavior they engage in during conflict. Since
secure individuals believe their partners are available and responsive and
will not abandon them, they view discussion of conflict as an opportunity
to increase intimacy and adjust to each others’ needs and therefore engage
in self-disclosure and use a variety of conflict-resolution strategies. Because
preoccupied individuals fear their partners will abandon them or not be
available when needed, they are likely to interpret conflict as a threat and
display intense emotions based on those fears, which makes it difficult for
them to communicate constructively with their partners. Dismissing individ-
uals will likely interpret conflict as a threat, because they may feel pressured
to engage in self-disclosure and other behaviors that increase emotional
intimacy, which is counter to their relationship goal of maintaining indepen-
dence; therefore, they will withdraw or minimize the significance of the
conflict. Fearful-avoidant individuals will likely display a mixture of beha-
viors associated with dismissing and preoccupied attachment styles, because
they are constantly torn between an approach and an avoidant orientation
toward intimacy.
Their review of research from 1988 to 2002 demonstrated that empirical
evidence supports the hypothesis that secure individuals, when compared
with insecure individuals, report engaging in more constructive behavior
during conflict that facilitates intimacy (Pietromonaco et al., 2004). Couples
consisting of two secure partners engage in more constructive communica-
tion behaviors than couples where one or both partners are insecure partners.
In turn, couples consisting of one secure partner, especially if that partner
is the husband, engage in more constructive communication behaviors than
couples consisting of two insecure partners. Their theories and findings of
their review are consistent with the theoretical assumptions of Emotionally
Focused Therapy (EFT).
Hypotheses
Hypotheses were focused both on finding differences among the three couple
types (secure-secure, secure-insecure, insecure-insecure) and on whether
specific combinations of insecure attachment styles within couples better
predict some communication patterns. If one or more partner’s specific
insecure attachment style (e.g., dismissing, preoccupied, and fearful avoidant)
predicted a specific negative communication pattern, then clinicians would
be able to focus on and target that dynamic. The authors did not anticipate
any differences between different-sex and same-sex couples or between
men and women for the following hypotheses.
H1: Participants in the secure-secure couples group will report greater
mutual constructive conflict communication than participants in the secure-
insecure group who, in turn, will report greater mutual constructive com-
munication than participants in the insecure-insecure couples group.
H2: Participants in the insecure-insecure couples group will report greater
demand-withdraw communication than participants in the secure-insecure
group who, in turn, will report greater demand-withdraw communication
than participants in the secure-secure couples group.
H3: Participants in the insecure-insecure couples group will report greater
mutual avoidance and withholding communication than participants in the
Method
Participants
The sample consisted of couples who had been together for at least two
years, which means they were either in a dating, cohabitating, engaged, or
married relationship. Participants included 43 different-sex couples and 10
same-sex couples, who either lived in a large metropolitan area in a south-
western state or in other states. Participants’ average age was 36.78 years
(SD = 10.46, Range = 23.0–69.0). Fifty-seven women (53.8%) and 49 men
(46.2%) participated. The sample consisted primarily, though not exclu-
sively, of Caucasians (87.7%). Participants reported their sexual orientation
as heterosexual (78.3%), gay (5.7%), lesbian (12.3%), bisexual (2.8%), or
transgender (0.9%). Nearly three-quarters of participants (71.7%) reported
holding a Bachelor’s degree or higher.
The different-sex couples group mainly consisted of married couples
without children (48.2%). The average duration of their marriages was
106.52 months, and they had dated and been engaged to each other for an
average of 25.67 (SD = 36.97) and 9.69 months (SD = 5.53), respectively.
Of the 10 same-sex couples, eight couples reported being in a committed
relationship, while one reported being married and one couple disagreed
on their relationship status. Only one same-sex couple reported having a
child. The average lengths of their dating and committed relationships
were 18.65 months and 85.94 months, respectively. Nine of the 10 couples
reported cohabitation (M = 43.36 months).
Procedure
The different-sex couple group was recruited from community parent groups,
a local university, and local places of worship of diverse denominations. The
same-sex couple group was recruited from a large gay and lesbian church
and a community center that serves the gay and lesbian population. Snowball
sampling was used to ensure that the maximum number of couples would
participate, which resulted in the participation of some couples living in
other states. The following recruitment methods were used: posting flyers
on bulletin boards, inserting an announcement in a newsletter or bulletin,
distributing flyers to professors, providing flyers to group leaders, providing
flyers and packets to group leaders, posting an e-mail on the group’s listserv,
and sending an e-mail to key informants who helped with the snowball
Measures
Results
Table 2 displays the descriptive statistics and reliability statistics for the
ECR-R (Anxiety and Avoidance) and the CPQ (Mutual Constructive,
Demand-Withdraw, and Mutual Avoidance and Withholding). Mean Anxiety
and Avoidance scores for the present sample are lower than those reported
by Fraley (2005), indicating that this sample was more secure. To evaluate
the partner agreement about conflict communication patterns, a dependent
samples t-test was performed for each of the CPQ subscales. Analyses
revealed that the average of partners’ difference scores within each couple
was not significantly different on any of the subscales.
TABLE 2
Descriptive and reliability statistics for subscales of ECR-R and CPQ
Cronbach’s
Subscale M SD Min. Max. Alpha
Notes. N = 106. Possible ECR-R Anxiety subscale range = 1.00–7.00; ECR-R Avoidance sub-
scale range = 1.00–7.00; CPQ Mutual Constructive subscale range = –33.00–23.00; CPQ Demand-
Withdraw subscale range = 6.00–54.00; CPQ Mutual Avoidance and Withholding subscale range
= 3.00–27.00. ECR-R = Experiences in Close Relationships; CPQ = Communication Patterns
Questionnaire.
FIGURE 1
Visual representation of K-Means Cluster Analysis used to determine
participants’ individual attachment styles
TABLE 3
Group means for CPQ subscales by couple types
Couple Type
Notes. Possible CPQ Mutual Constructive subscale range = –33.00–23.00; CPQ Demand-With-
draw subscale range = 6.00–54.00; CPQ Mutual Avoidance and Withholding subscale range =
3.00–27.00. Dissimilar subscripts indicate significant difference (p < 0.01).
group (seven versus 46 in the second couple type group) to accurately test
this hypothesis. Hypothesis 5 was untestable because there was only 1
dismissing-dismissing couple.
Discussion
Couples therapy. Cobb and Bradbury (2003) suggest that therapists help
couples as a dyad to shape their behaviors both in conflict and non-conflict
contexts, which will lead to a revision of the partners’ models of self and
others toward attachment security. They pointed to support-seeking, care-
giving, and communication behaviors as intervention targets. For support-
seeking behaviors, couples could learn how to ask each other for help instead
of making extreme demands or denying the need for help. For caregiving
behaviors, couples could learn to respond with empathy and validation and
avoid minimization and blame. Couples’ could improve their communica-
tion by learning how to clearly communicate feelings and needs without
blaming each other or becoming defensive. Partners could also reflect and
amplify their feelings and statements to demonstrate understanding and vali-
dation. Empathy for the partner’s currently maladaptive ways of seeking
support and comfort can be increased by encouraging a discussion about
how those behaviors were adaptive within their family of origin and parent–
child relationship. Couples could explore the attributions they make about
their partners’ behaviors, which could open up their individual models of
others for revision as those attributions are contradicted.
Implications for same-sex couples. Since previous research has shown that
the roots of same-sex couples’ romantic attachment are the same as for
different-sex couples, attachment theory can be also guide work with this
population (e.g. Elizur & Mintzer, 2003; Josephson, 2003). Participants in
the same-sex couples group reported lower mutual avoidance and with-
holding communication than did participants in the different-sex couples
group. This suggests that they are able to stay engaged while communi-
cating in conflict and retain their ability to give to one another, strengths
that therapists can build upon.
There are contextual issues that may warrant attention, however, when
working with same-sex couples. Josephson (2003) asserted that, due to
with their siblings. Therapists can also help the aging parent voice their
fears and needs, which will generate empathy and caregiving from the child
caregiver.
each other, see each other as safe havens in times of distress, and commu-
nicate their feelings and needs directly. This process could hold the key to
facilitating close bonds that would resist relationship dissolution and emo-
tional estrangement.
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