Leadership: Today in

There are just a few elemental forces that hold our world together.
The one
that’s the glue of society is called trust. Its presence cements
relationships by allowing people to live and work together, feel safe and
belong to a group. Trust in a leader allows organizations and communities to
flourish, while the absence of trust can cause fragmentation, conflict and even
war. That’s why we need to trust our leaders, our family members, our friends
and our co-workers, albeit in different ways.
Trust is hard to define, but we do know when it’s lost. When that happens, we
withdraw our energy and level of engagement. We go on an internal strike, not
wanting to be sympathetic to the person who we feel has hurt us or treated us
wrongly. We may not show it outwardly, but we are less likely to tell the
formerly trusted person that we are upset, to share what is important to us or
to follow through on commitments. As a result, we pull back from that person
and no longer feel part of their world. This loss of trust can be obvious or
somewhat hidden — especially if we pretend to be present but inwardly
disengage. And those who have done something to lose our trust may not even
know it.
Today In: Leadership
On the positive side, trust makes people feel eager to be part of a

relationship or group, with a shared purpose and a willingness to
depend on each other. When trust is intact, we will willingly contribute
what is needed, not just by offering our presence, but also by sharing our
dedication, talent, energy and honest thoughts on how the relationship or
group is working.
One dictionary definition of trust is “feeling safe when vulnerable.” When

we depend on a leader, family member or friend, we can feel vulnerable, and
we need trust to manage the anxiety of this feeling. When trust is present,
things go well; but when trust is lost, the relationship is at risk.
PROMOTED
If the level of trust is low in a relationship or organization, people

limit their involvement and what they are willing to do or share.
They might think to themselves, “This is all you deserve,” or, “This is as all I
am willing to give.” In contrast, when the trust level is high, people reward it
by giving more. But, more often than not, people feel that their distrust is not
safe to share. So a leader or loved one may be slow to discover that they have
lost a person’s trust.
The hiddenness and personal nature of trust can be a problem for
relationships, teams or organizations. How can you fix something that is not
expressed or shared? How do you even know that trust is lost? Paradoxically,
there must be at least a little trust in order to discuss its lack and make
attempts to rebuild it, while if the loss of trust remains unaddressed, the
relationship will grow more and more distant.
Trust is often related to leadership and power, but it is not a given. To be

effective, a leader must earn the trust of his or her constituents to ensure their
participation and allegiance. Indeed, any successful relationship — whether
it’s leader to follower, consultant or coach to client or the relationship between
spouses, siblings and friends — relies on a level of trust that must be earned.
Yet even trust that is earned can be quickly lost and cannot be quickly
regained. If members of a team or relationship lose trust in each other, it takes
a great deal of work to restore it. People are not quick to reinvest in a
relationship where trust has been broken. They generally move on.
Six Building Blocks of Trust
Since trust is so important in both working and personal relationships, how

can we monitor it, build upon it and heal it when it becomes frayed? It is
useful to view trust as a natural response to certain qualities in a person,
group or organization, and the absence of these qualities will diminish the
level of trust. These qualities are:
1. Reliability and Dependability: A person or group that is true

to their word and fulfills their commitments encourages trust.
2. Transparency: People are anxious about unknowns and tend to
assume the worst when they’re not informed about a new
development. When management meets in secret or does not
share important information, team members can easily become
distrustful. On the other hand, when people share their thoughts,
feelings and considerations, or when an organization, usually
through its leader, tells its members what is going on, everyone
knows where they stand and trust can flourish.
3. Competency: This is another element that is central to building
trust. If you think a person, leader or organization is not capable
of doing what they are supposed to do, you cannot trust them.
Therefore, even when a person has a good heart or good
intentions and we like them personally, they cannot win our trust
if they’re not capable of doing what they promise.
4. Sincerity, Authenticity and Congruency: People can often
sense when someone says something that is not aligned with what
they are feeling inside. When a leader is insincere or inauthentic,
people don’t believe what he or she is saying. A leader who says
one thing but who acts differently is not congruent. For example,
it is hard to believe someone who says they want to listen but does
not give you a chance to speak, or someone who says she is
concerned about people yet seems to have a plan to lay people off.
People may think they can hide their true feelings or
contradictions, but others can quickly detect a lack of sincerity or
congruency. That’s when trust is eroded.
5. Fairness: Some people act as if the needs and desires of others
are not important, or they don’t truly listen to or respect both
sides. Trust cannot grow in a relationship where it’s all about one
person or in a workplace where all the energy is focused on the
company or leader.
6. Openness and Vulnerability: If a person never says they are
wrong and apologizes or acknowledges their mistakes, other
people do not feel comfortable disagreeing with them or sharing
their own thoughts. A leader who is “never wrong” never gets the
truth from others. Yet a timely apology or admission of being
wrong is a powerful weapon to build or rebuild trust.
All of these qualities contribute to the degree of trust people have for each
other. If you are feeling a shift of trust in a relationship, it is helpful to assess
the presence or absence of each of these six qualities. This allows you to
discover what is lacking in the relationship and find ways to restore trust. To
build or rebuild trust, a leader must open the conversation about the degree to
which each of the six qualities are present and be open to hearing what others
feel, observe and need. Of course, the leader will need some trust in the others
in order to begin this process.
Similarly, it takes courage in a family or personal relationship to bring up loss

of trust and to request that another person modify their behavior. This may
lead to learning that you need to look at your own behavior too. Trust is a two-
way street, built by the behavior of each person in the relationship.
Restoring Trust That’s Been Lost or Broken
Trust is often lost when we feel hurt by another’s action and believe that this
action (or inaction) was intentional. But by sharing our feelings with the
person who hurt us, we might begin to see things differently and realize that
their intention was not what we imagined. This may repair the breach quickly
as misunderstandings are unraveled and communication deepens. It may be
difficult to initiate such a conversation; however, given the tendency to
withdraw when we feel hurt. Still, a person who is able to do this will find that
they are less frequently hurt.
In the same way, if we feel that we have done something to lose the trust of
another, we can seek the other out and inquire about what has happened.
True, this can feel awkward and risky — especially if one is a leader, parent or
person of authority — and this is not something that comes naturally. But this
willingness to be vulnerable can ultimately lead to greater trust because the
other person feels that their own vulnerability and needs are being respected.
The dynamics of trust are delicate in important relationships, and the loss of
trust can be costly — not only psychologically, but also financially and in terms
or work and livelihood. What’s helpful to remember is that trust is an ongoing
exchange between people and is not static. Trust can be earned. It can be lost.
And it can be regained.
“To earn trust, money and power aren’t enough; you have to show
some concern for others. You can’t buy trust in the supermarket."
– His Holiness the Dalai Lama

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Leadership: Today in

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There are just a few elemental forces that hold our world together.

On the positive side, trust makes people feel eager to be part of a

One dictionary definition of trust is “feeling safe when vulnerable.” When

If the level of trust is low in a relationship or organization, people

Trust is often related to leadership and power, but it is not a given. To be

Six Building Blocks of Trust

Since trust is so important in both working and personal relationships, how

1. Reliability and Dependability: A person or group that is true

Similarly, it takes courage in a family or personal relationship to bring up loss

Restoring Trust That’s Been Lost or Broken

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