Rachel: So c'mon, you guys, tell me all the dirt!

Kiki: Well, the biggest news is still you dumping Barry at the
altar!
Joanne: Alright. Let's talk reality for a second.
Rachel: Okay.
Joanne: When are you coming home?
Rachel: What? Guys, I'm not.
Joanne: C'mon, this is us.
Rachel: I'm not! This is what I'm doing now. I've got this job-
Kiki: Waitressing?
Rachel: Okay, I'm not just waitressing. I'm.. I, um... I write the
specials on the specials board, and, uh... and I, uh... I take the
uh dead flowers out of the vase... Oh, and, um, sometimes
Artelle lets me put the little chocolate blobbies1 on the
cookies.
Leslie: Well. Your mom didn't tell us about the blobbies.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe and Monica are in
pajamas and Monica is making something in the blender* as
Rachel enters.]
Monica: Hey, Rach. How was it with your friends? (She and
Phoebe scream.) Okay! How would you like some Tiki Death

1 pezzetti di cioccolato
Punch? (She pours the contents of the blender into some
glasses.)
Rachel: What's that?
Monica: Weeeell, it's rum, and-
Rachel: Okay. (Grabs the blender and starts to drink.)
Monica: We thought since Phoebe was staying over tonight
we'd have kinda like a slumber party thing2. We got some
trashy* magazines3, we got cookie dough, we got Twister...4
(The phone rings and Monica answers it.)
Phoebe: Ooh! Ooh! And I brought Operation!5 But, um, I lost
the tweezers, so we can't operate. But we can prep the guy! 6
Monica: Uh, Rach, it's the Visa card people.
Rachel: Oh, God, ask them what they want.
Monica: (on phone) Could you please tell me what this is in
reference to? (Listens) Yes, hold on. (To Rachel) Um, they say
there's been some unusual activity on your account.
Rachel: But I haven't used my card in weeks!
Monica: That is the unusual activity. Look, they just wanna
see if you're okay.
Rachel: They wanna know if I'm okay. Okay.. they wanna
know if I'm okay, okay, let's see. Well, let's see, the FICA guys
2 Party in pigiama
3 Riviste popolari (equivalenti Novella Tremila ecc.)
4 Gioco da tavolo
5 Probabilmente un equivalente del gioco “il piccolo chirurgo”
6 “Ho perso le pinzette e quindi non possiamo operarlo. Però possiamo prepararlo per l’operazione!” Naturalmente trattandosi del gioco Il Piccolo Chirurgo l’idea è
assurda
took all my money, everyone I know is either getting married,
or getting promoted, or getting pregnant, and I'm getting
coffee! And it's not even for me!7 So if that sounds like I'm
okay, okay, then you can tell them I'm okay, okay?
Monica: (pauses then on the phone) Uh- Rachel has left the
building, can you call back?
Rachel: Alright, c'mon! (Miserably) Let's play Twister!
[Scene: Madison Square Garden, the guys are trying to find
their seats.]
Ross: (squeezing past* people) Sorry, sorry... Uh-oh.
Chandler: What? There was ice there that night with Carol?
Plastic seats? Four thousand angry Pittsburgh fans?
Ross: No, actually I was just saying it looks like we're not
sitting together. But now you mention it, there was ice there
that night... It was the first frost...
Joey: C'mon, sit. Just sit down, sit.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, they're all hanging out in the
living room.]
Monica: You should feel great about yourself! You're doing
this amazing independence thing!
Rachel: Monica, what is so amazing? I gave up, like,
everything. And for what?
7 Gioco di parole tra “get coffee” = “prendersi un caffè” e “get coffee” = “portare il caffè”
Phoebe: You are just like Jack.
Rachel: ...Jack from downstairs?
Phoebe: No, Jack and the Beanstalk.*8
Monica: Ah, the other Jack.
Phoebe: Yeah, right! See, he gave up something, but then he
got those magic beans. And then he woke up, and there was
this, this big plant outside his window, full of possibilities and
stuff.. And he lived in a village, and you live in the Village..
Rachel: Okay, but Pheebs, Pheebs, Jack gave up a cow, I gave
up an orthodontist9. Okay, I-I-I know, I know I didn't love
him-
Phoebe: Oh, see, Jack did love the cow.
Rachel: But see, it was a plan. Y'know, it was clear. It was
figured out, and now everything's just kinda like...
Phoebe: Floopy?
Rachel: Yeah.
Monica: So what, you're not the only one. I mean, half the
time we don't know where we're going. You've just gotta
figure at some point it's all gonna come together, and it's just
gonna be... un-floopy.
Phoebe: Oh, like that's a word.

8 “Jack e il fagiolo magico” una fiaba tradizionale

9 Gli odontotecnici negli USA sono molto ricchi
Rachel: Okay, but Monica, what if- what if it doesn't come
together?
Monica: ...Pheebs?
Phoebe: Oh, well... 'cause.... you just... I don't like this
question.
Rachel: Okay, see, see, you guys, what if we don't get magic
beans? I mean, what if all we've got are.. beans?
[Scene: Madison Square Garden, the guys are watching the
game.]
Ross: Get him! GET HIM! Get him! Get- YESSS! Not
laughing now, are ya pal!
Chandler: (to Ross) See buddy, that's all you need, a bunch of
toothless guys hitting each other with sticks.
Ross: Pass it! Pass it!
Chandler: He's open!
All: Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!
(The player shoots and the puck10 flies off the rink and hits
Ross in the face. Chandler looks concerned until he notices...)
Chandler: Hey, look, we're on that TV thing!
(Chandler and Joey hold the puck and wave at the TV thing.)
Commercial Break

10 Dischetto dell’hockey
[Scene: An Emergency Room, Chandler and Joey are leading
Ross in.]
Chandler: (to the receptionist)'Scuse me.
Receptionist: (holds up her hand—she is on the phone) It says
to call this number if you're not completely satisfied with this
candy bar.* Well, I'm not completely satisfied.
Chandler: Listen, it's kind of an emergency. Well, I guess you
know that, or we'd be in the predicament room. (The
receptionist glares at him.)
Receptionist: (on phone) Hold on. (To Chandler) Fill these
out, sit over there. (Tosses him some forms.)
Ross: (jumping to his feet) Look, I don't wanna make any
trouble, okay, but I'm in a lot of pain here, alright? My face is
dented.
Receptionist: Well, you'll have to wait your turn.
Joey: Well, how long do you think it'll be?
Receptionist: (sarcastic) Any minute now.
Ross: Hey, this- (she gives him a look and the guys back off)
Heyy...
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the slumber party continues.]
Rachel: I'm so sorry, you guys. I didn't mean to bring you
down.
Monica: No, you were right. I don't have a plan. (There's a
knock on the door.)
Pizza Guy: (yelling from outside) Pizza guy!
Rachel: Thank God. Food. (She goes to answer the door.)
Monica: Phoebe?
Phoebe: What?
Monica: Do you have a plan?
Phoebe: I don't even have a 'pl'.
Pizza Guy: Hi, one, uh, mushroom, green pepper and onion?
Rachel: (miserably) No, no, that's not what we ordered... We
ordered a fat-free crust with extra cheese.
Pizza Guy: Wait, you're not 'G.Stephanopoulos?' Man, my
dad's gonna kill me!
Monica: (leaping off of the couch and runs up) Wait! Did you
say 'G.Stephanopoulos?'
Pizza Guy: Yeah. This one goes across the street, I must have
given him yours. Oh, bonehead, bonehead!
Monica: Wait, was this a-a small Mediterranean guy with
curiously intelligent good looks?
Pizza Guy: Yeah, that sounds about right.
Monica: Was he wearing a stunning blue suit?
Phoebe: And-and a power tie?
Pizza Guy: No, pretty much just a towel.
Monica: (staggered) Oh God.
Pizza Guy: So you guys want me to take this back?
Monica: Are you nuts?! We've got George Stephanopoulos'
pizza! (Rachel pays him, Monica grabs* some binoculars, and
runs to the window.)
Rachel: Uh, Pheebs? Who's George Snuffalopagus?
Phoebe: Big Bird's friend.
Monica: I see pizza!
Phoebe: Oh, I wanna see! Lemme see! Lemme see! (She runs
up and takes the binoculars.)
Rachel: Hello? Who are we spying on?
Monica: White House adviser? Clinton's campaign guy? The
one with the great hair, sexy smile, really cute butt?
Rachel: Oh, him, the little guy? Oh, I love him!
Phoebe: Ooh, wait.. wait, I see a woman.
Monica: Please tell me it's his mother.
Phoebe: Definitely not his mother.
Monica: Oh, no...
Phoebe: Oh, wait, she's walking across the floor.. she's
walking.. she's walking.. she's going for the pizza- (Yelling)
Hey, that's not for you, bitch!* (Phoebe covers her mouth with
her hand walks away from the window.)
[Scene: The Emergency Room, Joey is miming hockey pucks
hitting foreheads. Chandler realizes it's getting tense and goes
to the receptionist again.]
Chandler: Excuse me, look, we've been here for over an hour,
and a lot of people less sick than my friend have gone in. I
mean, that guy with the toe thing? Who's he sleeping with?11
(She slides the glass panel over and Chandler talks through it
in a loud voice.) Oh, c'mon Dora, don't be mad... I know we
both said some things we didn't mean, but that doesn't mean
we still don't love each other. (To the waiting room.) Y'know, I
feel like I've lost her.. (She slides the panel back, he turns, and
it takes him by surprise.) Ba-!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the girls are all out on the
balcony.]
Monica: Light still out?
Rachel: Yeah.
Monica: Oh. Maybe they're- napping.
Rachel: Oh please, they're having sex.
Monica and Phoebe: Shut up!
Rachel: So, whaddya think George is like?
11 “Con chi va a letto”. Come dire “chi lo ha raccomandato” (visto che è stato visitato prima di Ross)
Monica: I think he's shy.
Phoebe: Yeah?
Monica: Yeah. I think you have to draw him out. And then-
when you do- he's a preppy animal.
[Scene: The Emergency Room, Ross is still going on about his
first night with Carol.]
Ross: I remember the moonlight coming through the window-
and her face had the most incredible glow.
Chandler: Yes, the moon, the glow, the magical feeling, you
did this part- Could I get some painkillers over here, please?
Joey: He's right, enough, already. What is the big deal about
today? So you slept with her for the first time, so what? You
slept with her for seven years after that.
Ross: Look, it's just a little more complicated...
Chandler: Well, what? What? What is it? That she left you?
That she likes women? That she left you for another woman
that likes women?
Ross: Little louder, okay, I think there's a man on the twelfth
floor in a coma that didn't quite hear you...
Chandler: Then what?
Ross: My first time with Carol was... (He mumbles the last
part)
Joey: What?
Ross: It was my first time.
Joey: With Carol? (Ross gives him a look.) Oh.
Chandler: So in your whole life, you've only been with one—
(He gets a look too)—oh.
Joey: Whoah, boy, hockey was a big mistake! There was a
whole bunch of stuff we could've done tonight!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the girls are still out on the
balcony.]
Monica: Okay. Okay, I got one. Do you remember that
vegetarian pate that I made that you loved so much?
Phoebe: Uh-huh.
Monica: Well, unless goose is a vegetable...ha haaaah!
Phoebe: Oh! Oh! Oh! Okay, fine, fine. Now I don't feel so bad
about sleeping with Jason Hurley.
Monica: What?! You slept with Jason?
Phoebe: You'd already broken up.
Rachel: How long?
Phoebe: A couple hours.
Monica: Oh, that's nice!
Rachel: Okay, okay, okay, I got one! (She sits up and the
cushion she was leaning against falls off of the balcony.)
Anyway- The valentine Tommy Rollerson left in your locker
was really from me.
Monica: Excuse me?!
Rachel: Hello? Like he was really gonna send you one? (To
Phoebe) She was a big girl.
Monica: Really. Well, at least 'big girls' don't pee in their pants
in seventh grade!
Rachel: I was laughing! You made me laugh! (Monica and
Rachel start to squabble)
Phoebe: There he is! There he is!
Monica: Where?
Phoebe: Right- where we've been looking all night!
Rachel: He is so cute!
Monica: Oh, George, baby, drop the towel!
All: Yeah, drop it! Drop the towel! Please drop the—(pause)—
wowww.
[Scene: The Emergency Room, Ross is absent.]
Joey: Man. Can you believe he's only had sex with one
woman?
Chandler: I think it's great. Y'know, it's sweet, it's romantic...
Joey: Really?
Chandler: No, you kidding? The guy's a freak.. (Ross enters
off camera)
Both: Hey, buddy.
Ross: Hi. (He is wearing a piece of steel bandaged to his nose.
He tosses some forms onto reception desk.)
Receptionist: (sarcastic) Oh, that's attractive.
Chandler: Oh, I thought you were great in Silence of the
Lambs. Oh come on, admit it! All things considered, you had
fun tonight.
Ross: Fun? Where was the fun? Tell me specifically, which
part was the fun part? Where's my puck?
Joey: Oh, ah- the kid has it.
Ross: The kid...? (To the kid) Excuse me, uh, that's, that's my
puck.
Kid: I found it. Finders keepers, losers weepers.12 (Ross looks
at Chandler for help.)
Chandler: You gotta do it, man.
Ross: (to the kid) Oh yeah? Well, I'm rubber, you're glue,
whatever—(to Chandler)—can't do it. (to the kid) Listen, uh-
gimme back my puck.
Kid: No.
Ross: 'Yes', how about. C'mere. Gimme!
12 Proverbio: “Chi trova tiene, chi perde piange”
Kid: No! No! (They start to fight over it.)
Receptionist: Hey! Hey! No rough holding in my ER13!
Ross: (tries to snatch it from the kid) GIVE ME MY PUCK!!
(but it files out of his grasp and knocks out the receptionist)
Ross: ...Now that was fun.
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey and the girls are playing
twister.]
Ross: (Doing the spinning) Okay, Monica: Right foot red.
Monica: Could've played Monopoly, but nooooo.
(There's a knock on the door, Chandler opens it, and silently
hands back the cushion.)
Chandler: Thanks. (The guy nods and leaves)
Ross: Okay, Pheebs: Right hand blue. (Phoebe has to bend
over.)Good. (Joey stares at her butt appreciatively)
(The phone rings and Chandler answers it.)
Chandler: Hello? Oh, uh, Rachel, it's the Visa card people.
Rachel: Oh, okay. Will you take my place?
Chandler: Alright. (on phone) Yes, this is Rachel.
Rachel: Nooo! (She grabs the phone and Chandler takes her
place on the mat.) (On phone) Hello? (Listens) Oh, yeah, no, I

13 ER: Emergency Room

know, I-I haven't been using it much. (Listens) Oh, well,
thanks, but, I'm okay, really.
Ross: Green. To the green.
Rachel: (on phone) I've got magic beans. (Listens) Never-
never mind.
Chandler: To the left, to the left- aww! (They all collapse)
Rachel: (on phone) Ohhh... I'm fine.
End

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