How to Win Friends and Influence People

By Dale Carnegie (Resume)

PART O N E : Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

“IF YOU WANT TO GATHER HONEY, DON’T KICK OVER THE BEEHIVE”
PRINCIPLE 1 : Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
• Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually
makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it
wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and
arouses resentment.
• Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to
figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and
intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness.
“To know all is to forgive all.”
• When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with
creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures
bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.
• Why not begin on yourself? than trying to improve others
THE BIG SECRET OF DEALING WITH PEOPLE
PRINCIPLE 2 : Give honest and sincere appreciation.
• There is only one way under high heaven to get anybody to do anything.
Just one way. And that is by making the other person want to do it. There
is no other way.
• Sigmund Freud said that everything you and I do springs from two
motives: the sex urge and the desire to be great.
“HE WHO CAN DO THIS HAS THE WHOLE WORLD WITH HIM. HE WHO CANNOT
WALKS A LONELY WAY”
PRINCIPLE 3 : Arouse in the other person an eager want.
• The only way cm earth to influence other people is to talk about what they
want and show them how to get it.
• People made the contribution because you wanted something.
 • An increased tendency to think always in terms of other people’s point of
view, and see things from their angle.

PART TWO : Ways to Make People Like You

DO THIS AND YOU’LL BE WELCOME ANYWHERE
PRINCIPLE 1 : Become genuinely interested in other people.
• Let’s put ourselves out to do things for other people - things that require
time, energy, unselfishness and thoughtfulness.
• Let’s greet people with animation and enthusiasm.

A SIMPLE WAY TO MAKE A GOOD FIRST IMPRESSION

PRINCIPLE 2 : Smile.
• Force yourself to smile.
• Act as if you were already happy, and that will tend to make you happy.
• Every body in the world is seeking happiness – and there is one sure way
to find it. That is by controlling your thoughts. Happiness doesn’t depend
on outward conditions. It depends on inner conditions.

IF YOU DON’T DO THIS, YOU ARE HEADED FOR TROUBLE

PRINCIPLE 3 : Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest

and most important sound in any language.
• Most people don’t remember names, for the simple reason that they
don’t take the time and energy necessary to concentrate and repeat and
fix names indelibly in their minds. They make excuses for themselves; they
are too busy.
• Most obvious and most important ways of gaining good will was by
remembering names and making people feel important.

AN EASY WAY TO BECOME A GOOD CONVERSATIONALIST

PRINCIPLE 4 : Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

• Listening is just as important in one's home life as in the world of business.
• People had really wanted is a feeling of importance
• Dont talk incessantly about yourself.
• If you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To
be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that other persons will enjoy
 answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their
accomplishments.
• Remember that the people you are talking to are a hundred times more
interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in
you and your problems.

HOW TO INTEREST PEOPLE

PRINCIPLE 5 : Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.

HOW TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU INSTANTLY

PRINCIPLE 6 : Make the other person feel important-and do it sincerely.

• I asked myself, ‘What is there about him that I can honestly admire?’
• Admiring something priceless
• Always make the other person feel important.
• “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.”
• Use philosophy of appreciation.

Part THREE How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

YOU CAN’T WIN AN ARGUMENT

PRINCIPLE 1 : The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
• A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still
• You may be right, dead right, as you speed along in your argument; but as
far as changing another’s mind is concerned, you will probably be just as
futile as if you were wrong.
• Decide to avoid argument, change the subject, and give him appreciation.
• If there is some point you haven’t thought about, be thankful if it is
brought to your attention. Perhaps this disagreement is your opportunity
to be corrected before you make a serious mistake.
• Distrust your first instinctive impression.
• Control your temper.
• Listen first.
• Look for areas of agreement.
• Be honest
• Promise to think over your opponents’ ideas and study them carefully.
 • Thank your opponents sincerely for their interest
• Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem.

A SURE WAY OF MAKING ENEMIES AND HOW TO AVOID IT

PRINCIPLE 2 : Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say,"You're
wrong.”
• Never begin by announcing "I am going to prove so-and so to you.”
• If you are going to prove anything, don’t let anybody know it. Do it so
subtly, so adroitly, that no one will feel that you are doing it.
• Forbade use of every word or expression in the language that imported a
fix’d opinion, such as ‘certainly,’ ‘undoubtedly,’ etc., and I adopted,
instead of them, ‘I conceive,’ ‘I apprehend,
• ’ or ‘I imagine’.
• Don’t tell them they are wrong, don’t get them stirred up. Use a little
diplomacy.

IF YOU’RE WRONG, ADMIT IT

PRINCIPLE 3 : If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

• Applying a principle may be more advantageous than maintaining an old
tradition.
• If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.’ It is too late for me
to admit it quickly, but I can admit it emphatically.
• When we are right, let’s try to win people gently and tactfully to our way
of thinking, and when we are wrong - and that will be surprisingly often,
if we are honest with ourselves - let’s admit our mistakes quickly and with
enthusiasm. Not only will that technique produce astonishing results; but,
believe it or not, it is a lot more fun, under the circumstances, than trying
to defend oneself.

A DROP OF HONEY

PRINCIPLE 4 : Begin in a friendly way.

• if you would win a man to you cause, first convince him that you are his
sincere friend.
• the friendly approach and appreciation can make people change their
minds more readily than all the bluster and storming in the world.
THE SECRET OF SOCRATES

PRINCIPLE 5 : Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.

• In talking with people, don’t begin by discussing the things on which you
differ. Begin by emphasizing – and keep on emphasizing - the things on
which you agree. Keep emphasizing, if possible, that you are both striving
for the same end and that your only difference is one of method and not
of purpose.
• Try to get that person saying ‘yes, yes.'

THE SAFETY VALVE IN HANDLING COMPLAINTS

PRINCIPLE 6 : Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

• If you disagree with them you may be tempted to interrupt. But don’t. It
is dangerous. They won’t pay attention to you while they still have a lot
of ideas of their own crying for expression. So listen patiently and with an
open mind. Be sincere about it. Encourage them to express their ideas
fully.
• I ask them to share their joys with me, and I only mention my
achievements when they ask
• “If you want enemies, excel your friends; but if you want friends, let your
friends excel you.”

HOW TO GET COOPERATION

PRINCIPLE 7 : Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
• No one likes to feel that he or she is being sold something or told to do a
thing. We much prefer to feel that we are buying of our own accord or
acting on our own ideas. We like to be consulted about our wishes, our
wants, our thoughts.
• Dont jealous with your team

A FORMULA THAT WILL WORK WONDERS FOR YOU

PRINCIPLE 8 : Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
• Remember that other people may be totally wrong. But they don’t think
so. Don’t condemn them. Any fool can do that. Try to understand them.
Only wise, tolerant, exceptional people even try to do that.
• Try honestly to put yourself in his place.
 • Cooperativeeness in conversation is achieved when you show that you
consider the other person’s ideas and feelings as important as your own.
Starting your conversation by giving the other person the purpose or
direction of your conversation, governing what you say by what you
would want to hear if you were the listener, and accepting his or her
viewpoint will encourage the listener to have an open mind to your
ideas.”
• Increased tendency to think always in terms of the other person’s point
of view, and see things from that person’s angle as well as your own

WHAT EVERYBODY WANTS

PRINCIPLE 9 : Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.

• if you want to win people to your way of thinking, put in practice.

AN APPEAL THAT EVERYBODY LIKES

PRINCIPLE 10 : Appeal to the nobler motives.

THE MOVIES DO IT. TV DOES IT. WHY DON’T YOU DO IT?

PRINCIPLE 11 : Dramatize your ideas.

• “I was presenting the same facts this time that I had presented previously.
But this time I was using dramatization, showmanship - and what a
difference it made.”
• This is the day of dramatization. Merely stating a truth isn’t enough. The
truth has to be made vivid, interesting, dramatic. You have to use
showmanship. The movies do it. Television does it. And you will have to
do it if you want attention.

WHEN NOTHING ELSE WORKS, TRY THIS

PRINCIPLE 12 : Throw down a challenge.

• Try to stimulate competition.
• The desire to excel! The challenge! Throwing down the gauntlet! An
infallible way of appealing to people of spirit.
• That is what every successful person loves: the game. The chance for self-
expression. The chance to prove his or her worth, to excel, to win. That is
 what makes foot-races and hog-calling and pie-eating contests. The desire
to excel. The desire for a feeling of importance.

PART FOUR : Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving

Offense or Arousing Resentment

IF YOU MUST FIND FAULT, THIS IS THE WAY TO BEGIN

PRINCIPLE 1 : Begin with praise and honest appreciation.

HOW TO CRITICIZE-AND NOT BE HATED FOR IT

PRINCIPLE 2 : Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly

• Try to use this sentences I will appreciate it, if you....
• Changing the word “but” to “and”
• Calling attention to one mistakes indirectly works wonders with sensitive
people who may resent bitterly any direct criticism.
• Try to give an example first

TALK ABOUT YOUR OWN MISTAKES FIRST

PRINCIPLE 3 : Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
• Be humble

NO ONE LIKES TO TAKE ORDERS

PRINCIPLE 4 : Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

• always gave people the opportunity to do things themselves
• let them learn from their mistakes.
• Asking questions not only makes an order more palatable; it often
stimulates the creativity of the persons whom you ask.

LET THE OTHER PERSON SAVE FACE

PRINCIPLE 5 : Let the other person save face.

• By giving a new title and responsibility to person who made mistakes that
make them important and spirit.
HOW TO SPUR PEOPLE ON TO SUCCESS

PRINCIPLE 6 : Praise the slightest improvement and praise every

improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”

GIVE A DOG A GOOD NAME

PRINCIPLE 7 : Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.

• if you want to improve a person in a certain spect, act as though that
particular trait were already one of his or her outstanding characteristics.
• Give them a fine reputation to live up to, and they will make prodigious
efforts rather than see you disillusioned.

MAKE THE FAULT SEEM EASY TO CORRECT

PRINCIPLE 8 : Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.

• Tell your child, your spouse, or your employee that he or she is stupid or
dumb at a certain thing, has no gift for it, and is doing it all wrong, and
you have destroyed almost every incentive to try to improve. But use the
opposite technique - be liberal with your encouragement, make the thing
seem easy to do, let the other person know that you have faith in his
ability to do it, that he has an undeveloped flair for it - and he will practice
until the dawn comes in the window in order to excel.

MAKING PEOPLE GLAD TO DO WHAT YOU WANT

PRINCIPLE 9 : Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
• Always make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
• Be sincere. Do not promise anything that you cannot deliver. Forget about
the benefits to yourself and concentrate on the benefits to the other
person.
• Know exactly what it is you want the other person to do.
• Be empathetic. Ask yourself what is it the other person really wants.
• Consider the benefits that person will receive from doing what you
suggest.
• Match those benefits to the other person’s wants.
• When you make your request, put it in a form that will convey to the other
person the idea that he personally will benefit.