Emotional Habits

7 Things Resilient People Do Differently (And How They Can Help You
Succeed in Business and Life)

Akash Karia
CreateSpace © 2016
130 pages
[@] getab.li/29317
Book:

Rating Take-Aways

9
9 Applicability • Everyone has to deal with negative emotions or experiences.
8 Innovation • You can’t choose what happens to you, but you can choose how you respond.
8 Style
• Taking control of negative emotions isn’t the same as suppressing them.
• “Emotionally resilient” people accept their emotions and take ownership of their
  actions. They use questions to develop better self-awareness.
Focus • They adopt “power postures” or poses to help strengthen them and defuse negativity.
Leadership & Management • Instead of reacting to a stimulus, they change their focus to shift the meaning of the
Strategy stimulus to indicate a better outcome.
Sales & Marketing
• Emotionally resilient people change or mold their beliefs to control their emotions.
Finance
Human Resources • They ask challenging questions to improve themselves.
IT, Production & Logistics
• They learn to modify their “self-talk and inner movies” by adjusting the controls.
Career & Self-Development
Small Business • They rewire bad habits by modifying the “antecedent, behavior” and
Economics & Politics “consequence” (ABC) loop of events in their lives.
Industries
Global Business
Concepts & Trends

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getabstract

getabstract
Relevance
getabstract
What You Will Learn
In this summary, you will learn:r1) Why emotionally resilient people succeed and 2) How to integrate the seven
habits of emotionally resilient people into your life.
getabstract
Recommendation
Peak performance coach Akash Karia discusses the seven major habits of “emotionally resilient” people and explains
how to integrate these behaviors into your life. Experts claim that the most successful people aren’t necessarily the
most intelligent or best educated; they’re the most emotionally resilient. They don’t let negative emotions cloud their
judgment. Instead, they acknowledge such feelings as being inevitable and take responsibility for their actions. They
can step back from a situation and not allow their emotions to take over. Karia provides tips for handling negativity,
including adopting power poses, changing focus, using questions to develop greater self-awareness, and more. His
easy-to-read manual contains valuable advice backed up by research. getAbstract recommends Karia’s useful method
to anyone dealing with sadness, anger, frustration or other negative emotions.
getabstract
getabstract

getabstract
Summary
getabstract
Processing Negative Emotions
Say something negative happens in your life. It could be a fight with your spouse, a divorce,
losing a promotion at work, a co-worker gossiping about you or failing a class at school.
You might feel so hurt, angry or afraid that these negative emotions take over your life.
Everybody responds to stress and negativity differently. Some may isolate themselves from
getabstract
“Many experts friends and eat too much ice cream. Others may lash out by screaming. But successful
believe that emotional people are “emotionally resilient,” and they can confront their negative emotions without
resilience is the #1
key to success – being overwhelmed.
not education and
not conventional
intelligence.” Taking control of your negative emotions isn’t the same thing as suppressing them.
getabstract Suppression is harmful because negative emotions are part of life. Instead of stifling your
emotions, develop awareness of them. Learn to “mind the gap” between a stimulus – what
just happened – and how you respond to it. People who are emotionally resilient take control
of that gap.

Emotionally resilient people have seven basic habits that help give them control over their
feelings. To master your emotions, understand and implement these habits:

getabstract Habit 1: Respect Your Emotions

“Much of your ability
to control your
Resilient people “acknowledge their emotions, accept responsibility for them and learn
emotions depends on to interpret the positive intentions of their emotions.” Wherever you are and whatever
your ability to be aware you’re feeling, take time out to honor this moment in time. Apply that sensibility to a
of all of the complex
things going on inside real-life example. If someone says something mean to you, you might feel hurt or angry.
your head.” How you respond to those words will depend on factors such as what the person said,
getabstract
your past experiences, your personality, and more. You may get angry and yell instead of
acknowledging that you’re hurting.

In 2007, the British journal Behaviour Research and Therapy published a study written
by Richard Bryant and Fiona Taylor reporting on the effects of “thought suppression”

Emotional Habits                                                                                                                                                                     getAbstract © 2019 2 of 5

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 on sleeping dream states. They asked 100 participants to think of an unwanted thought,
memory or image from the past. They asked 50 of the participant group to try to
suppress that negative thought for five minutes before going to sleep. After examining the
participants’ dream journals, the researchers discovered that those who suppressed their
thoughts were more likely to dream about the negative experience they were trying to hold
getabstract
“Suppressing thoughts back.
and feelings can
actually backfire.”
getabstract You are responsible for your emotions. You can blame other factors, like the heavy traffic
during your Monday morning commute, but you alone are responsible for feeling rushed
and angry. How you respond to something potentially upsetting is up to you. Recognizing
that you’re angry or sad is the first step. Once you’re aware of your negative emotion, look
for the “positive intention” that accompanies it. For example, you might become aggressive
to protect yourself. Emotionally resilient people find the positive intentions behind their
negative emotions.

One of the most powerful examples of emotional resilience comes from Viktor Frankl
getabstract
“People who are (1905–1997). In September 1942, Germans took Frankl to a concentration camp. He and
emotionally resilient… millions of other Jewish people suffered cruel treatment at the hands of Nazis. Frankl
use this to their
advantage by looking survived because he knew he couldn’t control or change his circumstances, only his
for the positive response to them. As he wrote in Man’s Search for Meaning, Frankl realized that his pain
intention behind the
negative emotion and suffering could be teachers. After gaining his freedom, he gave back to others and
they’re feeling.” became a psychiatrist and neurologist.
getabstract

Habit 2: Adopt “Power Postures”

Your body language reflects what you’re feeling inside. If you’re sad, your posture will be
slumped and droopy; you might frown with your lips curved down or cry. If you’re happy
or proud, your shoulders are square and held high as you laugh or smile with your lips
curved up.
getabstract
“While it is possible to Power postures or poses occur when you take up a lot of space physically, stand or sit up
use [the power of our
beliefs] to our benefit, straight with your shoulders back and your feet shoulder-width apart, and breathe deeply
not all of our beliefs for two minutes. Within two minutes of adopting power postures, your testosterone levels
are productive. In fact,
we each have certain
increase by 20% and your cortisol levels decrease by 25%. Testosterone is a hormone found
beliefs that are quite in both genders that increases confidence. Cortisol is the hormone that causes stress.
disempowering.”
getabstract
Use this physical technique to change your mental outlook. It’s hard to feel sad when you’re
smiling. Even if you’re not happy, the small physical change of smiling produces positive
effects. Practicing breathing can help you become calmer. Changing your physiology is a
lifelong habit that will help you process negative emotions and become more resilient.

Habit 3: Build Your Ability to Focus

getabstract You react the way you do because your brain finds meaning in each stimulus response. If
“Beliefs…which put
conditions on your
you change the meanings you find, you can change your responses – which will produce a
desired emotional states different and possibly more positive emotion. Say two people both get fired. One proclaims
(happiness, excitement, that his life is over and he can’t possibly find another job as great. The other processes her
fulfillment, joy)…limit
the amount of time you pain differently. She sees it as a “blessing in disguise” and gives herself permission to try
are able to experience something new, such as switching careers or going back to school.
that emotion.”
getabstract
What you pay attention to becomes your focus. To assign positive meaning to external
events, adjust your focus. Control what you focus on. What you pay the most attention to
represents whatever will come into your life. By this logic, if you focus on how great things

Emotional Habits                                                                                                                                                                     getAbstract © 2019 3 of 5

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 are, you’ll think life is swell and you’ll notice more positive developments. The reverse is
also true. Your focus is “a kind of lens through which you view your life.”

getabstract Habit 4: Change Your Beliefs

“We actually can Resilient people can change or mold their beliefs and they respond to external stimuli in
choose how we feel, but
we can’t do that until different ways. Your beliefs are so powerful that they affect you physically. For example,
we stop letting others take the well-known placebo effect. Patients who take a placebo – a fake or ineffective pill
control us and accept
responsibility for our or treatment – often feel better simply because they expect the pill or treatment to make
own emotions.” them feel better. Your beliefs can become self-fulfilling prophecies. If you’re fearful or
getabstract
anxious, you may feel physically sick. If you’re content or happy, you will feel better.

Replace a limiting belief with an empowering one. For example, “I am just a shy person”
becomes “I have been confident in the past, which means I’m capable of being confident.
I can do so at will as long as I learn how.” Repeat the new belief when the old belief tries
to show up. Keep reinforcing your new belief until it becomes automatic. Once you’ve
getabstract mastered those steps, you will be better equipped to control your emotions.
“Experiment with [your
internal] movie controls
– brightness, color, Habit 5: Use the “Hidden Power of Questions”
focus, association, Emotionally resilient people understand how to use questions to improve themselves. Be
space and size – and
see what reduces and aware that loaded questions set you up for a negative response. These include such questions
what increases the as, “Why does my boss never respect me? What did I do to deserve this?” and “Why is life
emotional intensity of
the experience.”
so unfair?” Even if these assumptions aren’t true, your brain will seek a response that fits.
getabstract If you find yourself asking a question with a negative presupposition, make the conscious
decision to challenge it.

Alternative questions include “What can I learn from this?” and “How can I use those
lessons to be successful at my new goals?” These alternatives encourage positive thinking
and forward momentum rather than self-pity and depression. Developing greater self-
getabstract awareness leads to greater mastery of your emotions.
“Less educated, less
intelligent people who
have mastered the Habit 6: Develop Positive “Self-Talk and Inner Movies”
ability to use their Think back to childhood. Perhaps some pleasant memories come to mind, such as
emotions rather than
being used by them
remembering home-cooked meals and good times with friends. Others may be more painful.
often achieve far Some memories may be vivid because you remember them through all five senses: seeing,
more.” tasting, smelling, hearing and touching. Emotionally resilient people don’t try to suppress
getabstract
or erase their memories.

Emotionally, your brain recreates memories through three senses: visual, auditory and
kinesthetic. For example, if you’re angry, your brain will see an image in your head
associated with that feeling. Your brain also will hear irate phrases that you may internally
repeat to yourself. You may possibly sense anger in other people through a feeling,
almost like physical touch. Try practicing what your brain sees, hears and touches. If you
getabstract experiment with your “movie controls,” you can diminish the impact of negative events.
“When it comes to
emotions, your body
language tends to Think of something negative – but not too negative, since this is your first practice exercise.
reflect the way you’re Is your picture in black-and-white or color? Try switching to the opposite format to see if
feeling on the inside.”
getabstract that dampens your emotions. Try adjusting the brightness up or down. Look at the space
around the memory. Is it happening near you or far away? Can you push it farther away if
it’s too close? What happens if you make the size larger or smaller? Try to manipulate your
association with the memory. Pretend it’s on a movie theater screen to gain some distance.
Manipulate the focus by making it clearer or blurrier. See how that affects your memory.

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 In addition to manipulating images visually, you can learn to manipulate auditory cues.
Think about the words you’re hearing. Instead of thinking to yourself, “I’m such an idiot
for failing,” use more positive words such as, “I’m glad I made that mistake, because now
I’ll never make it again.” You can substitute silly phrases or ideas that make you smile to
take the steam out of negative phrases. Try to change the tone of what you hear. Accepting
negative messages is harder if they’re spoken in a rude or condescending tone of voice.
getabstract Practice changing the volume of the negativity. Pretend there’s a mute button, and hit it.
“Your emotional
response – anger, hurt,
fear – holds more Physical and emotional memories have a kinesthetic aspect. As in the strategies above, you
control over you than
you would like.” can adjust your kinesthetic memories by changing the “intensity, pressure” and “location” of
getabstract any sensation. If your memories are intense, think of an imaginary dial you can turn to lower
the intensity of negative recollections or to strengthen your view of positive memories. If
you feel the pressure or weight of a situation, imagine having a balloon that could relieve
the pressure. Examine the location of your memories. Can you move them to a different
location either inside of or outside of your body?

Habit 7: Controlling the “ABC Loop”

Resilient people are better able to control their ABC loop. The A stands for antecedent or
getabstract stimulus; B stands for behavior and C stands for consequence. To see the ABC loop in
“Allow yourself to
acknowledge rather action, consider author Akash Karia’s experience. As a teenager, he had problems managing
than suppress the his anger and would end up in physical fights at least once a week. The fight would start with
emotions that come
your way so that you some other boy making fun of the size of his nose or saying something that embarrassed
can identify them him, which made him angry. That was the antecedent. His behavior was to hit the other boy.
accurately, learn
more about them and The consequence was that his teachers would punish him after his anger dissipated. Karia
eventually even learn to credits pediatric neurosurgeon and US cabinet member Ben Carson’s book Gifted Hands
manage them.”
getabstract with helping him overcome his anger.

Can you change anger’s antecedent? For example, if you’re dieting, removing chocolate
from your house makes sense. If anger management is a problem, instead of clenching your
fists, strike an alternative pose or relax your hands and breathe slowly to release tension. If
you change the antecedent (stimulus) or actions, you can change and control the emotional
consequence.

“Future pacing” is a technique for controlling emotional reactions that involves “stepping
getabstract
“Climb back into the into the future and visualizing a new ABC pattern.” The strategy lets your brain create
driver’s seat, and put different neural pathways that will help you handle the “offending antecedent” more
some of these strategies
and habits to the test.” effectively if and when it arises again. Many athletes mentally visualize themselves
getabstract succeeding before they perform physical tasks. For example, boxing legend Muhammad
Ali would see himself as victorious before he even stepped into the ring.

Angie LeVan, a resilience coach who worked with the US Army, researched the brain
patterns of weight lifters. She discovered that “mental practices” can have the same uplifting
power as physical activities and that the two combined are more effective than either on
its own.
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About the Author
getabstract
Akash Karia is a speaker and peak performance coach who specializes in resilience training. He has trained more
than 80,000 people around the world.

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