Fit for Mission?

Marriage
A Preparation Course
Course Presenter’s Book

Patrick O’Donoghue - Bishop of Lancaster

With the collaboration of the Diocese of Lancaster’s
Marriage and Family Life Commission

CATHOLIC TRUTH SOCIETY

Publishers to the Holy See
 Preface for
Course Presenters
Introduction
Christianity is, first and foremost, a religion of joy. There was so much joy at the birth of the
Church at Pentecost that people thought the first Christians were drunk! (Acts 2:15). What
is the reason for our joy? There are many – joy at the goodness and pleasure of the created
world, including our bodies; joy at the bounty and blessings of God; joy in the person of
Jesus, his life, teaching, and resurrection from the dead; joy in our Christian life together,
and the promise of eternal fulfilment in heaven; but most of all, joy in the knowledge and
experience that God is a God of love.
One of the most important occasions of joy in the life of the Church – which brings all of
these other joys together – is the celebration of the sacrament of marriage. Is it any wonder
that marriage is one of the most powerful and ancient images of God’s love for humanity in
the Bible?
For too long we have forgotten this truth by allowing our discussion and treatment of the
institution of marriage in the Church – and wider society – to be dominated by a sense of
crisis, verging on panic. This is not to downplay the pain and trauma caused by the high rate
of divorce – as high among Catholics as the general population – or by the high incidence
of infidelity, or spousal abuse.
However, part of the problem with ‘marriage’ is that most people – deep down – expect
it to fail, as if the vows of fidelity and permanence are beyond ‘ordinary’ men and women,
requiring super-human commitment and virtues.
The message of this Catholic preparation course for marriage is threefold:

• First and foremost, the Catholic approach to marriage cannot be a list of prohibitions
– particularly about sex – but is a celebration of the joy of married love. However,
because the Church takes marriage and sexual love so seriously, there must be a clear
understanding and observance of Catholic sexual ethics. To be clear, the joy of married
love is the fruit of certain conditions being fulfilled which arise from the very nature of
marriage. These conditions we call sexual ethics, the moral order written into our very
being as humans.

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• Secondly, men and women are hard-wired by biology, psychology and spiritual nature
to thrive in monogamous, faithful, life-long marriages that are open to the new life of
children. We must reject as utterly false the ‘urban myth’ current in the media and
society that human beings are naturally promiscuous and that adultery is only ‘human’.
The degree of suffering and heartache among couples, their extended families and
children is proof that this is a lie.

• Thirdly, that God the Trinity – the intimate community of divine persons in triune unity
– has revealed his optimum plan for marriage in Sacred Scripture and the teaching of
the Catholic Church. The sacramental nature of Holy Matrimony is at the heart of
God’s plan for wives and husbands. This plan reflects God’s nature as love. It includes
the gift of divine love for the couple to realize God’s plan in their lives.

The Marriage Preparation Course

This Course Presenter’s Book provides the structure, content and activities for those delivering
the course, drawing upon the richness of the Scriptures and the Church’s living teaching.
The course content needs setting in the living context of the experience and wisdom of those
who live the sacrament of matrimony, but priority must always be given to the doctrine of
the Church, which is God’s gift to humanity for its happiness. While the experience of
married couples is important to illustrate the Church’s teaching, a couple’s opinions or
experience must never take priority over the Church’s teaching.
Pope Benedict XVI reminds us that marriage preparation courses must be a ‘journey
of re-discovery’, that distinguishes between what ‘everyone else is doing, and what our
own being intimately tells us’. As stated earlier, men and women are hard-wired to live
faithful, life-long, monogamous marriages. The revelation of God about marriage does not
contradict the nature of human beings created by him, but further confirms and gives it a
deeper meaning. When this marriage preparation course works at its best it will help young
couples re-discover truths about love that they already sense and know deep down.

These preparatory courses for marriage must be a journey of re-discovery. They must help us
learn anew what our being tells us. They must help couples reach the true decision of marriage in
accordance with the Creator and Redeemer. (Benedict XVI, 24 July 2007)

I would like to thank all the members of the Marriage and Family Life Commission –
couples and clergy – for the commitment and hard-work that has been so evident in our
collaboration in producing Fit for Mission? Marriage. One of the strengths of this course is
that it has drawn on the practical experience and insight of married couples, clergy and laity
experienced in delivering marriage preparation courses. I would also like to thank my own
team for their assistance in developing this new addition to the Fit for Mission? series.
9 Patrick O’Donoghue
Bishop of Lancaster.

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 Guidelines for
leading the course
Before presenting the first session it is important that the Course Presenters have a clear
understanding of the overall goals of this Catholic marriage preparation course. The four
goals are:

1. The couple will be able to describe – appropriate to their stage of faith development
– the Catholic doctrine of marriage and sexual ethics.

2. The couple will be fully prepared to receive the Sacrament of Marriage; this includes
two elements:

• They will be able to describe the significance of the different aspects of the
Nuptial Mass or Marriage Service.

• They will be able to describe how to live out the Sacrament of Marriage in
their life together.

3. The couple will begin to feel at ease in the Church and begin to be confident about
their roles in the marriage service.

4. The couple will be given the opportunity to develop skills that will help them maintain
and deepen their relationship.
In view of these goals, it is important that Course Presenters consider the following two
aspects contained in the following sections:

• basic requirements to be Course Presenters, and

• presenting the course to meet the needs of couples according to their faith
development.

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Basic requirements to be Course Presenters
For the success of this course it is essential that Course Presenters – clergy and laity – accept
and are convinced by the full teaching of the Church concerning marriage and sexual
ethics. Failure in this regard would be a huge disservice to the Church and to the couples in
our pastoral care. The most convincing lesson that these young couples will receive is the
enthusiastic and realistic living out of the truth of Catholic faith by experienced husbands
and wives.
Observance of the following requirements is expected of Course Presenters, whether
clergy or laity:

• Acceptance of the full teaching of the Church concerning marriage and Catholic sexual
ethics.

• Full consciousness of the fact that they are teaching the Faith of the Church, in the
name of the Church. It is never appropriate or acceptable to present personal opinions
that are contrary to doctrine as the teachings of the Church. Neither is it helpful or
acceptable to express any personal doubts or criticisms of Church teaching, particularly
with regard to contraception.

• Willingness to share experience. Participants on the course will benefit from a realistic
account of the difficulties and joys of fully living out the Catholic understanding of
married love.

• Sensitivity. It is essential that Course Presenters are not critical or judgmental about the
life-style of the couples attending the course. However, we must ourselves be confident
and clear about the moral teaching of the Church. If we don’t have the courage of our
convictions, why should new couples take them seriously?
In addition, leading a course can be daunting if you have never done anything like this
before. Some experience of how to train, perhaps by working alongside an experienced
person or through attending a ‘train the trainer’ event, should be completed.

Meeting the needs of couples according to their faith development

The modern identity of Roman Catholics is complex, involving different levels of adherence
and involvement in the life of the Church and parish community:

I think the first thing to acknowledge here is that nowadays people use the word ‘Catholic’ in
many different ways. Some identify themselves as being Catholic through a grandparent or going
to a Catholic school. Others identify themselves as being Catholic because they were baptised in
the local Catholic Church and attend family christenings, weddings and funerals. There are also
those men and women who occasionally attend Mass at Christmas and/or Easter…

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 ... Our fundamental identity as the Catholic Church is to be inclusive not exclusive. This is why we
welcome all people who turn up at our presbytery doors, attend our liturgies, or meet the criteria
for admission to our schools. However, this does not mean that everyone who has some type of
relationship with the Catholic Church fully belongs to the Catholic Church.
(Bishop Patrick O’Donoghue, Fit for Mission? Church, p.35)

The basic fact of life in the Church’s provision of marriage is that the majority of couples
presenting themselves for marriage preparation are non-practising and, more often than
not, mixed – that is, the other partner is either a non-practising member of another Christian
Church or ecclesial community, or has no religious background.
These couples often have little or no knowledge of the faith or experience of the Church
and their motives for wanting a ‘church wedding’ can be varied and complex.
In these cases, the fundamental approach of the Marriage Preparation Course is one of
evangelisation.

Evangelisation is the proclamation of the gospel. The evangelist’s purpose is ‘to touch the hearts
of the hearers and turn them to God’. Evangelists trust that their word and example will, by the
grace of the Holy Spirit, move others to a first act of faith’...First and foremost, evangelisation
is motivated by love for those who do not yet know Christ, ‘recognising that such persons are
lacking a tremendous benefit in this world: to know the true face of God and the friendship of
Jesus Christ, God-with-us’...
(Fit for Mission? Schools, p. 27)

We have therefore developed two different courses: Marriage Preparation and Marriage
Preparation Plus, both of which are contained in this Course Presenter’s Book. There are separate
Couple’s Books for each course.
The Marriage Preparation Course is designed to meet the specific needs of those couples
with an inactive faith and so assumes little or no knowledge of the Faith.
The Marriage Preparation Plus Course has been developed for those couples presenting
themselves for marriage preparation who are practising Catholics, and/or where one partner
is a practising member of another Christian church or ecclesial community, and they have
an active faith and spirituality. The Marriage Preparation Plus Course, therefore, assumes
knowledge of the faith and a living relationship with Christ. In these cases, the fundamental
approach of the course is one of catechesis.

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 Catechesis is the process by which the faith of believers is nourished and educated. ...It may be
described as ‘a dialogue of believers’. Its purpose is to ‘help them towards a greater maturity of
faith, especially in the way of understanding’... To catechise ‘is to reveal in the Person of Christ
the whole of God’s eternal design reaching fulfilment in that Person. It is to seek to understand
the meaning of Christ’s actions and words and the signs worked by him’. (Catechism of the Catholic
Church 426).
(Fit for Mission? Schools, p. 27)

The descriptions Marriage Preparation Course and Marriage Preparation Plus Course have been
chosen to avoid any sense of judgementalism or inferiority. However, both groups have very
different needs which cannot be combined without doing a disservice to both. The language
and concepts of the Marriage Preparation Course would be too simple and undemanding for
couples with an active faith, while the language and concepts of the Marriage Preparation Plus
Course, could be incomprehensible and alienating for couples with an inactive faith. This is
just as it would be unreasonable to expect people who have been learning French for ten
years to have the best learning and development experience in a class with beginners.
In order to discern which course would best suit couples attending marriage preparation
it is necessary that Course Presenters have individual meetings with each couple to ascertain
their needs.

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 Principles of Evangelisation
for Marriage Preparation
Why do we need to evangelise some couples?
We cannot afford to be under any illusions about the faith background of many of the couples
who present themselves for marriage preparation. If we fail to understand where they are
coming from religiously, intellectually and emotionally, our Marriage Preparation Course will
contain assumptions, concepts and language that will be unintelligible, easily misunderstood
and alienating. To pretend that some couples are Catholics fully in communion with the
Church when they are obviously not, is a disservice to the couple and a disservice to the
truth entrusted to us by God.
The reality is that many of the couples who seek marriage in the Church are non-believers
or are religiously indifferent. The General Directory for Catechesis [GDC] describes the situation
as follows:

...entire groups of the baptized have lost a living sense of the faith, or even no longer consider
themselves members of the Church and live a life far removed from Christ and his Gospel...[they]
live in a religious context in which Christian points of reference are perceived purely exteriorly.
(GDC 58)

Though couples present themselves for marriage in the Catholic Church this does not
mean we can presume that they believe the Faith of the Church or have a living relationship
with Jesus Christ. In situations where the faith is inactive, what is needed is the much heralded
New Evangelisation, which is, simply put, missionary activity aimed at non-believers and
the religiously indifferent. New Evangelisation in the context of marriage preparation means
proclaiming the Gospel about God’s meaning and purpose for marriage, and to call the
couple to conversion.
This makes the Marriage Preparation Course a missionary encounter. What, in practise, does
this mean?

... the primordial mission of the Church is to proclaim God and to be his witness before the world.
This involves making known the true face of God and his loving plan of salvation for man, as it has
been revealed in Jesus Christ.
(GDC 23)

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Therefore, for our Marriage Preparation Course to be missionary it needs:

• To proclaim God and for us to be his witnesses before the couples.

• To make known the true face of God in love and marriage, and challenge any false
notions couples may have about God, love and marriage, including domestic abuse,
contraception and divorce.

• To help couples see that God’s plan for marriage – deeply personal union, indissolubility,
faithfulness and openness to fertility – is not something imposed from outside but is
already implicit in their love for each other. (Catechism of the Catholic Church, 1643).

How do we evangelise couples?

Jesus set out what he expects from his disciples in all types of evangelisation in what is
known as Jesus’ missionary mandate (GDC 34). A mandate is a command given by someone
in authority which has the force of law. Jesus’ missionary mandate to us as evangelists on
the marriage preparation course is, therefore, not optional or open to re-interpretation but
is mandatory for clergy and laity, no matter how challenging or difficult.
Non-practicing couples have the right to learn what God has revealed about the meaning
and purpose of their marriage. We do not have the right to deny them the full truth, including
the Church’s teaching on openness to life and the wrongfulness of contraception because we
may find it difficult or embarrassing to talk about such things.
We must be clear here: we don’t insist on teaching the full truth about marriage out of a
motive to enforce blind obedience to Church teaching, but because we believe that God’s
meaning and purpose for marriage gives couples the best chance of being loving husbands
and wives, and for their love to grow and flourish.
First, let’s see what Jesus tells us about evangelisation:

Go into all the world; and preach the Gospel to the whole creation. (Mark 16:15)
Go, therefore, make disciples of all nations; baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son
and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. (Matthew 28:19-20)
You are witnesses of these things. (Luke 24:48)
But you shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you shall be my
witnesses... to the end of the earth. (Acts 1:8)
Love one another. (John 15:12)

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The goals of evangelisation
From these New Testament passages we can draw the following principles of evangelisation
(cf. GDC 46):
Proclamation and witness: We must seek to proclaim the full meaning God has given to
marriage (CCC 1602), as revealed in Scripture and the Tradition of the Church. As Jesus
commands us, we must be witnesses to the truth of marriage in how we live our own marriage
and the way we talk about marriage.
Teaching the Word and Sacrament: We must seek to teach couples about marriage in
ways that respect the Word of God and the sacrament of marriage; and that also respect the
couple, their intellectual, emotional and religious background, and their personal needs.
Personal change and love of neighbour: We must seek to encourage conversion in both
the couples and ourselves to the full meaning God has given marriage. The ultimate purpose
of the Marriage Preparation Course is to foster a deeper awareness and commitment to love
between husband and wife, which can only be fully realised through participation in the life
and love of the Holy Trinity through the grace of Jesus.
These three principles of evangelisation must inform the content and structure of the Marriage
Preparation Course.

The process of evangelisation

We do not need to invent a methodology for evangelisation in our Marriage Preparation
Course, but rather discover in Scripture the methodology used by God to evangelise and
catechise his people. The Old Testament shows us that God is understood as the creative
and insightful teacher of Israel, who transforms the events in the life of his people into
lessons of wisdom. (Fit for Mission? Schools, p.22).
Our role as evangelists and catechists is to enable couples to encounter the God of love in
a way that invites them to respond to that love.

Hear, O Israel: the Lord our God is one Lord; and you shall love the Lord your God with all your
heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might. And these words which I command you this
day shall be upon your heart; and you shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk
of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down and
when you rise. (Deuteronomy 6:4-7)

Simply put, our goal for a couple participating in the Marriage Preparation Course is for
them to be able to make a whole-hearted response of love to God and to his commands.
However, if that is not possible, at the very least we should hope that the couple will begin to
see the connection between their experience of love and the God of love, and have a deeper
appreciation of the meaning and purpose of marriage, including sexual love.

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 How do we enable couples to encounter the God of love in a way that invites them to
make the whole-hearted response of love, love of God and love of the commands of God?
First, if we think that such a goal is unrealistic, too ambitious, or impossible because of the
depth of non-belief or religious indifference we have found in many couples, then we are
defeated before we start! It is essential that the Presenters of the course are convinced about
the truth of God’s plan for marriage and the joys it brings – and are confident that God can
bring about conversion in the most unexpected ways.
Once we are convinced that this is a realistic goal, then we can begin to apply the following
methods used by God to invite the response of love:

1. Reach out and welcome

The Old Testament and New Testament give testimony to God’s method of going out to
people and welcoming them into a relationship with him. God adapts himself to the culture
and stage of development of Israel, based on knowing and understanding the conditions in
which he finds individuals. Therefore, in the Marriage Preparation Course:

• We must adapt the style of teaching and language of the Faith to the culture and stage
of faith development of the couple.

2. Proclaim and educate

The Lord teaches Israel through words and deeds, symbols and liturgy, about the meaning
and purpose of a fully human life. He expects Israel to adopt his ways and model her
behaviour on the divine attitude of love, kindness and faithfulness. Therefore, in the Marriage
Preparation Course:

• We must proclaim the fullness the Church’s teaching on marriage in a way that conveys
the fact that receiving the sacrament of marriage also carries the expectation that the
couple will adopt the meaning and purpose God has given marriage.

3. Call and invite to belong

The Gospels make clear that at the heart of Jesus’ method of teaching was his personal call to
each individual to repentance, conversion and membership of his community, the Church.
Dialogue and questioning were his preferred way of calling each person, exemplified by his
common question, ‘What do you think?’ This question shows a real interest and concern for
the other person.
But Jesus didn’t leave it there at the level of eliciting a personal opinion or judgment; he
went to the next level of challenge and gave an explanation of the truth through the Word
of God. Jesus did not follow the modern misguided approach that everyone’s opinion was
equally valid or equally truthful. He spoke with authority, with the expectation that everyone
who listened to him with good will would achieve insight and recognise who he was.

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 Divine education is a process of questioning (Luke 24:13-24), explanation through the Word of
God (24:25-28), insight [opening of eyes] (Luke 24:31) and liturgical recognition of Christ (Luke
24:31). (Fit for Mission? Schools, p.24)

Therefore, in the Marriage Preparation Course:

• We must encourage an atmosphere of dialogue and questioning that asks couples what
they genuinely think or feel. But we must not be afraid respectfully and politely to
challenge any opinion that contradicts the teaching of the Church. The goal of our
explanations, based on Scripture and the teaching of the Church, must not be to win
an argument but to help the couple open their eyes to the truth. Every session of the
course is an opportunity for the couple to hear the personal call of Christ and become
members of his community, the Church.
Before each session with non-believing or religiously indifferent couples it is important
to refresh yourselves about the method of evangelisation we are using in marriage
preparation:

• Reach out and welcome,

• Proclaim and educate,

• Call and invite to belong.

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Principles of Catechesis for
Marriage Preparation Plus
Couples we do not need to evangelise, but to catechise
For those couples who present themselves for marriage preparation who have faith and
participate in the Church, our joyful task is to help deepen their knowledge of the Church’s
Faith about the sacrament of marriage, and their relationship with Jesus.
However, one challenge facing Presenters working with practising Catholics may be
that, due to poor catechesis, the couple have a confused or erroneous understanding of
the Church’s teaching, particularly regarding sexual morality, including contraception,
sterilisation and IVF. Presenters must never convey any sense of blame because, in most
cases, couples haven’t been clearly taught the Church’s teaching, at home, at school or from
the pulpit. Again, it is only recently that the Church has begun to develop a positive and rich
theology of the body to explain in greater depth and meaning why contraception and IVF
undermine the dignity and purpose of marriage.
Pope John Paul II has given guidance about the purpose of marriage preparation for
practicing couples:

Among the elements to be instilled in this journey of faith, which is similar to the Catechumenate,
there must also be a deeper knowledge of the mystery of Christ and the Church, of the meaning
of grace and of the responsibility of Christian marriage, as well as preparation for taking an active
and conscious part in the rites of the marriage liturgy.
(Pope John Paul II, Familiaris Consortio, 66)

The whole of Christian life is a process of continuing catechesis, and significant moments
in the life of the Christian, such as marriage, baptism of children, first confession and holy
communion, confirmation, and funerals, are ‘peak experiences’ when we can gain a deeper
knowledge of the Faith and a deeper relationship with Jesus Christ. (cf. GDC 51).

How do we catechise couples?

The purpose of this Marriage Preparation Plus Course is to help practicing couples to deepen
their relationship with each other through seeing marriage as their path to holiness, through
learning to share their relationship with Jesus together. The following passages from Pope
John Paul II and Pope Benedict convey the purpose of catechesis:

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 At the heart of catechesis we find, in essence, a Person, the Person of Jesus of Nazareth, the only
Son from the Father ...To catechise is “to reveal in the Person of Christ the whole of God’s eternal
design reaching fulfilment in that Person”... Catechesis aims at putting “people ...in communion...
with Jesus Christ: only He can lead us to the love of the Father in the Spirit and make us share in
the life of the Holy Trinity”.
(Pope John Paul II, Catechesi tradendae, 5)

Catechesis is about making available to minds and hearts the word of him who gave his life for us.
In this way, catechesis causes to resound within the heart of every human being a unique call that
is ceaselessly renewed: “Follow me”.
(Pope Benedict XVI, Address to French Bishops, September 2008)

The fundamental task of catechesis with couples is to help them to know, to celebrate and
to contemplate the mystery of Christ together, as husband and wife.

The goals of catechesis

The General Directory for Catechesis identifies six goals of catechesis that must be part of our
Marriage Preparation Plus Course. (GDC, 85)
1. Promoting knowledge of the Faith: For couples who have a living faith, often the
experience of love and the expectation of celebrating the Sacrament of Marriage cause
them to want to know the God of love all the more. ‘Who has encountered Christ desires to
know him as much as possible, as well as to know the plan of the Father which he revealed’.
(GDC, 84). Catechesis through the Marriage Preparation Plus Course must lead the couple to
gradually grasp the whole of God’s meaning and purpose for marriage, through Scripture
and the Catechism of the Catholic Church.
2. Liturgical education: Hopefully a practicing Catholic couple will already be participating
in the celebration of the Eucharist together. One of the goals of the course is to help the
couple to share their Eucharistic faith together and to prepare for meeting Christ, the
bridegroom of the Church, in the Sacrament of Marriage. The course will promote greater
knowledge of the meaning of the liturgy and the sacraments and educate the couple ‘for
prayer, for thanksgiving, for repentance, for praying with confidence, for community spirit,
for understanding correctly the meaning of the creeds...as all of this is necessary for a true
liturgical life’. (GDC 85).
3. Moral formation: Most importantly, the goal of Marriage Preparation Plus is to transmit
the attitude of God to the morality of marriage. We aim to encourage the couple to undertake
a journey of ‘interior transformation’ together, as they learn to give themselves to each other
totally. The course not only seeks to communicate the Word, but also the force of the Word
lived by experienced married couples.

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4. Deepening prayer life: For the sake of the couple, and any future children, it is vital
that they learn to pray together, so that their family becomes a ‘domestic Church’. Also, it is
important that the course is conducted in an atmosphere of prayer:

When catechesis is permeated by a climate of prayer, the assimilation of the entire Christian life
reaches its summit. This climate is especially necessary when the catechumen and those to be
catechized are confronted with the more demanding aspects of the Gospel and when they feel
weak or when they discover the mysterious action of God in their lives. (GDC 85)

5. Education for community life: Marriage Preparation Plus also aims to show the couple
the role and responsibility of married couples within the life of the parish community and
wider Church. For example, how they make sacramentally present Jesus’ faithfulness and
self-giving love for the Church, his bride. It will also encourage them to have a place in their
life together for single people, the poor and the elderly with openness and humility, so that
they welcome others into the home they have built with their love.
6. Missionary initiation: The Presenters of the course must also seek to convince the
couple of the importance of being present as married Christians in society through their
professional, cultural and social lives. Now more than ever, society needs the witness of
couples committed to unity, indissolubility, fidelity and openness to life. The Church needs
Catholic couples to witness to the Gospel of life and, particularly, to show the world that
there are realistic alternatives to contraception, abortion, IVF and divorce.

The process of catechesis

In the same way that we base our method of evangelisation on that used by God, we will also
base our process of catechesis on God’s method, as revealed by Christ and the Church.

Personal and sensitive

Jesus taught and challenged people in order to deepen their relationship with him and the
Father, in the Holy Spirit. His teaching was never abstract but always personal, sensitive to
the particular needs of the person he was with. Therefore, in Marriage Preparation Plus:

• We must be sensitive to the fact that God has a unique relationship with each individual
and that his grace is working in their lives. We must be discerning about the stage of the
faith journey they are on.

Jesus first and last

The whole purpose of salvation history is fulfilled in the revelation of Jesus Christ, the
incarnate Son of God, and the Second Person of the Holy Trinity. Nothing must put Jesus
and his Gospel into second place in Marriage Preparation Plus – not our opinions, nor the
opinions of the couple. Jesus must never be an afterthought, tagged on at the end. Therefore,
in Marriage Preparation Plus:

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• We must make sure that the teaching and person of Jesus is uppermost in each session,
through Scripture, the Catechism of the Catholic Church and prayer, so that everyone has
the opportunity – Presenters and couples – to deepen their relationship with Christ.

Love of the Church

The Old Testament and New Testament show us that the purpose of God’s words and deeds
was to shape a people to share in his life and love, and bring his justice, kindness and mercy
to the world. The divine expression of God’s love is the Holy Spirit, who is the life and guide
of the Church, the People of God. Therefore, in Marriage Preparation Plus:

• We will encourage and foster love for the Church through our reverence for her teaching,
liturgy, history and art, and cultivate respect and obedience to the Pope, the successor of
Peter, and those Bishops in communion with him. At times you may be on the receiving
end of criticism and anger aimed at the Church. It’s best not to take this personally, but
instead try to answer any misunderstanding with kindness and patience.

Seeing the holy

The Old Testament and New Testament witness to the transformation that is brought about
in individuals through encountering the presence and power of God. The Father gives us
his Word in nature and Scripture, Jesus has given the Church the sacraments to enable us
to encounter his presence and power, and the Holy Spirit gives each one of us charisms.
Therefore, in Marriage Preparation Plus:

• We will promote understanding and sensitivity to the words and signs that convey the
power and presence of God through the sacraments, and deepen the couple’s awareness
of our need for grace, the virtues and the gifts of the Holy Spirit to live the vocation to
married life.
Before each session with practising couples it is important to refresh yourselves about the
method of catechesis we are using in Marriage Preparation Plus:

• Personal and sensitive

• Jesus first and last

• Love of the Church

• Seeing the holy

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Tools for Evangelisation
and Catechesis
The tools for evangelisation and catechesis are the same for Marriage Preparation and Marriage
Preparation Plus, but are used differently, according to the two distinct processes for non-
believing and believing couples.
The sessions for both marriage preparation courses will provide you with all the materials
that you need, but it is necessary to understand why the principal sources of teaching material
is the Word of God contained in Scripture and the Catechism of the Catholic Church.
Too often courses for couples have given over-emphasis to the personal experience and
opinions of the Presenters and couples, and not enough attention to the doctrinal and moral
teaching of the Church.
The danger in focusing on experience out of a concern to be ‘interesting’ and ‘relevant’
is that it ignores the fact that experience is not something ‘neutral’. As Pope Benedict XVI
puts it, ‘experience detached from any consideration of what is good or true, can lead, not
to genuine freedom, but to moral or intellectual confusion, to a lowering of standards, to a
loss of self-respect, and even to despair’. (World Youth Day, 2008).
The major threats to marriage come from immoral behaviour, such as contraception or
divorce, that have become accepted by most people as normal and acceptable, often due to
their unquestioned promotion by the media and government agencies.
• It is not right to say “sex before marriage is recommended because it is essential that the
couple learn if they’re sexually ‘compatible’”.
• It is not right to say “the use of contraception or IVF is up to the conscience of the
couple” because people forget or ignore the fact that conscience can be ill-informed or
erroneous.
• It is not right to say “when discussing long-term problems and difficulties in marriage
sometimes divorce is in the best interests of the children”.
• It is not right to say “any type of sexual behaviour is permissible in a marriage if both
partners consent”.
The premise underpinning this course is that the Church’s teaching is not just one opinion among
many equally valid opinions, but the absolute and liberating Word of God about marriage.
Presenters of both marriage preparation courses are involved in a vital aspect of the ministry
of the Word in the Church. As such, it is encouraging to remember that the Holy Spirit is, in
fact, the principal agent of the ministry of the Word, the one through whom “the living voice
of the Gospel rings out in the Church—and through her in the world”. (GDC 50).

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 General Notes -
How to get Started
Some practical considerations
The Marriage Preparation Course and Marriage Preparation Plus Course have 6 sessions each
and each session has been designed to last about one and a half hours. However, this is just
a standard recommendation that should not constrain you from running your course to a
different time scale, and adapting the material to the needs of your couples. Furthermore,
once you are familiar with both courses you may want to ‘pick and mix’ the contents
depending on the level of engagement of the group.

Initial pre-course meeting with couples

When couples present themselves for marriage preparation there should first be a preliminary
meeting between the couple and the priest and/or deacon to conduct the pre-nuptial enquiry.
During this meeting the priest and/or deacon can make a judgement on which course would
best suit the couple depending on their inactivity or activity in the faith It is important to
determine which is the most appropriate course for them – Marriage Preparation or Marriage
Preparation Plus – and agree the dates on which they will attend.

Materials
This Course Presenter’s Book contains both courses, with guidance about presenting the sessions.
There are separate Couple’s Books for those attending either of the courses. These contain the
session aim, objectives, key features, activities and a summary of the key points. Also, in the
material for couples there is an introductory message to couples and course overview. You
may want to give them this material prior to starting the course, perhaps at the pre-nuptial
enquiry meeting mentioned above.

Activities
The activities included in each session have been designed to encourage the couples to
engage with the material and apply the more formal input to their personal experience. It is
important that the Presenters adapt these sessions to suit the couples where necessary – for
example some may not be comfortable with reading from the handouts and jotting down
ideas, in which case your approach would need to include less individual work by couples.

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Role of the Presenter
It is also important that as Presenters you familiarize yourself with the content and activities
and think what you can add from your understanding of Church teaching and personal
experiences to bring the sessions to life. The idea is not to hold yourselves up as a model of
perfection, but rather to show that your marriage is a “work in progress” and that success
is possible (and joyful and wonderful) but that it requires a continual renewal of effort and
commitment.

Preparing the room

Think about the surroundings.

• Is the room temperature comfortable?

• Is the atmosphere suitable for prayer? – e.g.: presence of Cross, icon, candle.

• Are there sufficient chairs?

• Do you have/want to use a table? – This can make the setting more formal. Table or
not, couples may need means to take notes

• Is the furniture arranged in the best way? – Subject to the constraints of your room a
circular arrangement, so that couples can sit together and see other couples, is often
recommended.

• How will you limit distractions and noise? – Putting up a simple sign on the door and
turning off any phone in the room can be helpful.

• How will you ensure you meet the special needs, if any, of the couples – e.g. access;
requirement for larger print?

• Have you available pens and/or pencils in case couples wish to make notes?

• Do you have a flipchart? – This can be helpful to capture key ideas where couples are
sharing or to illustrate points during your input. Occasionally, use of a flipchart will be
specifically mentioned. If you do not have a flipchart consider alternatives.

• Occasionally one of the couple may not attend or be late. Think about how you will
approach activities in this situation. Normally it will be fine for the individual to work
alone; however, for certain activities you may like to ask the individual if they would
like to work with you.

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Overview of sessions
The aim, objectives and key features for each session are set out below.

Session 1. Two become one

Aim: To introduce the course and make connections between the couple’s experience of love and the
Church’s teaching on love.

Objectives: By the end of this session couples will be able to:

• Describe the connection between their love and the God of love.
• Explain God’s meaning and purpose for marriage.
• Start to implement a plan to deepen the foundations of their love for each other.

Key Features:
• Your experience: How did you fall in love? What is it like being in love? How is love changing
your lives?
• God is love: God’s love for humanity in the Old Testament.
• What is marriage? Consent to total, unconditional self-giving which needs personal unity,
indissolubility, fidelity and openness to life.

Session 2. Love is...?

Aim: To deepen the couples’ understanding of love and how to increase their love.

Objectives: By the end of this session couples will be able to:

• State the Christian understanding of love.
• Discuss the opportunities and challenges of marriage.
• Accept the benefits to marriage of leading a virtuous life.
• Describe how the deadly sins endanger marriage.
• Apply practical strategies for leading a virtuous life.

Key Features:
• What is love? Jesus and love. Affection, erotic love, friendship, self-giving love.
• St Paul’s ‘Love is never...’ and its mirror, ‘Love is....’
• The secrets to a happy marriage: charity, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
modesty, self-control, chastity, gentleness and generousity.
• The threats to a happy marriage: pride, covetousness, lust, anger, gluttony, envy, and sloth.

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Session 3. Respect the differences

Aim: To establish practical ways of positively engaging with the differences between man and woman
and explore how these can be the source of marriage’s strength and richness, but also a source of
misunderstanding, conflict and hurt.
Objectives: By the end of this session couples will be able to:
• Explain that God made males and females to complement and complete each other.
• Use effective strategies for speaking and listening.
• Indicate ways of resolving conflicts.
• Accept the importance of forgiveness and what this means.

Key Features:
• The theology of the body about masculinity and femininity.
• How to listen effectively.
• How to speak positively.
• How to resolve conflicts.
• How to forgive.

Session 4. God’s body talk

Aim: To appreciate that, being created by the God of love, our bodies reflect their origin in his loving
purpose. This purpose informs what is the right and wrong use of our bodies.

Objectives: By the end of this session couples will be able to:

• Explain the meaning and purpose God has given sexual love.
• State why contraception and IVF contradict the meaning of marital love.
• State why the marriage vows of unity, indissolubility, faithfulness and openness to life are vital
to the success of a marriage.
• Explain why the Church advocates Natural Fertility Awareness.
Key Features:
• The ‘nuptial significance’ of maleness and femaleness.
• The law of self-gift and the necessary conditions for self-giving.
• How contraception and IVF are a lie.
• Why it is important that sexual love is open to life.
• Natural Fertility Awareness.

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Session 5. Jesus’ helping hand

Aim: To see how a proper understanding of who Jesus is helps us understand what happens when we
receive the sacrament of marriage. To appreciate the importance of this sacrament in helping us face
the difficult times in marriage.
Objectives: By the end of this session couples will be able to:
• Explain what a sacrament is and how sacraments help and support us through life.
• Highlight why marriage is a sacrament.
• Indicate their approaches to dealing with change.
• Discuss how they deal with suffering.
• Apply some practical actions to help with change and suffering.

Key Features:
• Who is Jesus? Bad, mad or God.
• Sacraments: Jesus’ power to heal and teach has been passed on through the sacraments.
• The nature of grace. Sharing the life and energy of God.
• Why do we need a sacrament to be married?
• Dealing with change.
• Coping with suffering.

Session 6. Loving each other in Christ

Aim: To appreciate the significance and meaning of the different parts of the wedding service and that
marriage is made in prayer.

Objectives: By the end of this session couples will be able to:

• Explain that they confer the sacrament of marriage on each other, before the Church and
sealed by God.
• State the significance of the different elements of the marriage liturgy.
• Explain the meaning of the symbols of marriage.
• Prepare for their own marriage service.
• Describe the importance of prayer.

Key Features:
• Liturgy as participation in the life of God.
• The different parts of the marriage liturgy.
• The marriage vows.
• The exact point at which they are married.
• Praying together.

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Session 4 - God’s body talk
Preparation before the session

Prayer to the Holy Spirit for evangelisers

Give me the gifts I need in my labour,
A mind that is eager to seek for the truth,
Keen to perceive it and strong to embrace it.
A will that is eager and valiant to do.

Come to my aid when you hear me calling,

Light up the dark, make the rough places plain.
Bring to my mind the unknown and forgotten.
Give me the words that I seek for in vain.
Amen. (St Thomas Aquinas)

Remember our goal is evangelisation

(cf. Introduction to Marriage Preparation Course):

• Reach out and welcome.

• Proclaim and educate.

• Call and invite to belong.

Read through the Presenter’s material

• Be clear about the goal and objectives of the session.

• Understand and prayerfully read the sections.

• Prepare your own answers to the activities to share with the couples.

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Aim: To appreciate that,
Session 4 God’s body talk
being created by the God Outline of Session
of love, our bodies reflect
their origin in his loving Section and timing Brief overview
purpose. This purpose
1. Welcome and recap from last Welcome back, ask if any
informs what is the right
session questions
and wrong use of our
bodies. (10 mins) Activity: Recap ‘highlights’ from
Objectives: By the end of last session
this session couples will be
able to: Input: Brief overview of session

• Explain the meaning 2. Made in the image of God Activity: Quick ‘opinion quiz’.
and purpose God has Couples review statements
( 30 mins) followed by group discussion
given sexual love.
covering input on what the
• State why
Catholic Church teaches about
contraception and IVF
the dignity and value of having
contradict the meaning bodies created by God
of marital love.
3. What’s wrong with Activity: True or false. Couples
• State why the contraception and IVF decide if statements are true
marriage vows: or false followed by group
unity, indissolubility, ( 20 mins) discussion covering input on
faithfulness and what the Church teaches about
openness to life are contraception and IVF
vital to the success of a 4. Are you ready to accept Activity: Couples discuss their
marriage. children lovingly from God? attitude to having children with
• Explain why the Church each other
advocates Natural
Fertility Awareness.
(15 mins)
Key Features: 5. Closing words and Activity: Session recap quiz
• The ‘nuptial homework
significance’ of Prayer
maleness and (15 mins)
femaleness.
• The Law of Self-gift
and the necessary
conditions for self
giving.
• How contraception
and IVF are a lie.
• Why it is important
that sex is open to life.
• Natural Fertility
Awareness.

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1. Welcome and recap of the last session
The purpose of this section is to re-engage with the course and prepare for what this session
will cover.
Welcome couples back to the course. Ask if anyone has any questions arising since you last
met. Explain that to start you are going to complete a quick recap.
Key points: You will want to make the following points:

• During the last session we discussed the important differences between men and women,
and the fact that these differences are not accidental or life-style choices, but have their
origin in God’s purpose for us.

• Let’s start with some of the ‘highlights’ which you remember from the last session about
these differences. Spend a few minutes discussing what you remember and then we’ll
discuss them as a group.

Objectives of today’s session

• Last time we talked about the differences between men and women. This session will
look more deeply at the purpose behind God creating us with bodies – either masculine
or feminine.

• Then we’re going to look at the meaning God has written into sexual love that allows
us to speak God’s language of love as husband and wife.

• We’re also going to look at the reasons why using contraception and IVF contradict and
harm the purpose and meaning God has given sexual love.

• Finally, we’ll examine why Natural Fertility Awareness is in tune with the God-given
meaning of sexual love.

2. Made in the image of God

The purpose of this session is to get the couples thinking about the dignity and value of having
bodies created by God. This is to counter the fashionable idea that we are the products of
random chance, and can therefore do whatever we like to our own bodies and other bodies,
with their consent. Once couples accept their bodies have an inherent meaning and purpose,
they will be more open to the argument that it is reasonable to reject the misguided notion
that it is a ‘good’ thing to use contraception and IVF.
Key points: Make the following points:

• Now we’re going to look at what the Catholic Church teaches about the inherent
meaning and purpose God has given our bodies as male and female, and how this
meaning and purpose is expressed in marriage.

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Made in the image of God
• As couples, turn to the material on ‘Made in the image of God’ (Couple’s Book, p.17) and
take 10 minutes to fill in the questionnaire together. As a group we will then go through
the answers.
After about 10 minutes come together into the group, and invite couples to share their
answers.
Key points: You will want to make the following points when discussing the couples’
answers. Spend approximately 5 minutes on each statement. The model answers draw on
the Catechism of the Catholic Church.
1. Humans are just like the other animals, nothing more.
• God created human beings to be a union of body and soul. This question is about
human beings being created by God as a union of body and soul.

• The answer is ‘Strongly disagree’. The fact that human beings are created as a union of
body and soul means the body is never ‘something’ but always ‘someone’ who shares
in the dignity of the ‘image of God’. (CCC 362-368).

• Nowadays it’s common in wildlife documentaries to refer to human beings as just

being another type of animal. Now, there are certainly things we have in common
with animals – our need to eat, sleep, excrete, and reproduce. However, there are
such striking dissimilarities, that we must consider human beings a completely different
order of being on this planet; – for example, only human beings make promises; only
human beings have a sense of self and give themselves in love to another; only human
beings give their lives for strangers.

• In an earlier session, we mentioned that human beings are made in the image of God,
which conveys the fact that we are very different from animals; we are a union of body
and soul, we are persons.

• Nowadays the only time we hear about ‘soul’ is ‘soul’ music; this captures one of the
realities of the ‘soul’, which concerns profound personal feelings, most especially love,
including sexual love.

• The ‘soul’ signifies the spiritual dimension of our existence, the unique, inner-life of
each one of us. In Christianity, the image of the soul is the ‘heart’, not as the muscle that
pumps blood around the body, but as a symbol of the inner depths of the person. The
image of the heart expresses the reality of us be being a unity of body and soul.

• Our language of love is full of the images of the heart, which we see especially on
Valentine’s Day. Can you think of any uses of the word ‘heart’ in relation to the theme
‘love’? (‘Heart-broken’, ‘heart-ache’, ‘talking heart-to-heart’, ‘heavy-heart’, heart-felt etc.)

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• All these ‘heart’ images convey an essential truth about why we have souls, why we
are persons – so we can enter into relationships with others, so we can love others. The
most intense experience of being a ‘person’ is the love you have for each other.

• God also gave us a spiritual nature so we could be capable of knowing and loving
him.

• One of the reasons why God made us a union of body and soul is so we could form
loving relationships with each other, create children to love, and love him.
2. The order and beauty of the world and the universe shows us everything has been created
by God.
• We can see signs of God’s design and purpose in nature. This question is about
seeing signs of God’s design and purpose in nature and our personal lives.

• The answer is ‘Strongly agree’. The Church teaches that we can come to know God in
two ways: through our reason observing nature and ourselves, and through God’s Word
in the Bible and the life of the Church. (CCC 31-38).

• Have you ever gone for a walk in the countryside, maybe somewhere remote and
wild, and been struck by an overwhelming feeling of awe and wonder at its beauty and
goodness? Or have you ever looked up at the stars in the night sky or at photographs of
stars and galaxies in space and thought, ‘This is so beautiful and complex it must have
been made somehow by God’?

• The signs of purpose and order in the universe are positive indications that God is the
origin and end of everything.

• You might be surprised to hear that the Catholic Church doesn’t teach that the world
was created in six days; and that the Church accepts some versions of evolution as
a scientific explanation of our world. The Church doesn’t accept extreme theories
of evolution that believe that human beings are the random products of chance and
accidents. We hold that there is a purpose and direction to evolution, which is the
emergence of self-conscious beings capable of reason and love.

• The Church also sees evidence for the existence of God as our creator in our experience
of being human persons: ‘The human person: with our openness to truth and beauty, our
sense of moral goodness, our freedom and the voice of our conscience, with our longings
for the infinite and for happiness, we question ourselves about God’s existence. In all this
we discern signs of our spiritual soul. The soul, the “seed of eternity we bear in ourselves,
irreducible to the merely material” can have its origin only in God. (CCC 33).

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3. Sex is primarily for pleasure.

• God created masculinity and femininity to reveal our spiritual nature and share
in his creation of new life. This question looks at the fact that God created masculinity
and femininity to reveal our spiritual nature and share in his creation of new life.
• The answer is ‘Strongly disagree’. The Church teaches that sexual love expresses in a
profound way our nature as beings created to be a union of body and soul, made in the
image of God. (CCC 2331-2336; 2360-2363).
• Yes, sex is pleasurable and that’s good, and is supposed to be fun. But is sex just about
achieving our own pleasure? Is sex just about pleasuring each other?
• Have you come across the term, body language? This refers to the fact that our facial
expressions, the movements of our body, the gestures we make communicate signals
and information about our moods, our feelings, even our thoughts. Our bodies give
other people an insight into the inner depths of our personality.
• Sexual love in marriage is an intense and powerful type of body language between
husband and wife.
• What does this ‘body language’ of married sexual love communicate? It says, ‘You’re
the most important person in my life’; ‘I love you so much I give you my body’; ‘Your
happiness and pleasure are as important to me as my own’; ‘I want to give you a moment
of pleasure and joy after a day of hard work and problems’. The most important and
special thing that the body language between wife and husband says is, ‘‘I love every
aspect of you so much that I want to make a baby with you, who will be part of you and
part of me’.
• As we discovered in the first session, ‘God is love’ and he created maleness and
femaleness as a special way of sharing in his love.
• The naked bodies of husband and wife show that they have been created to communicate
the body language of love in a way that intimately expresses the total gift of oneself.
Marriage is written into the structure and shape of our bodies.
• This openness of ourselves, physically, psychologically and spiritually, to self-giving is
so important it’s called the ‘Law of the Gift’, expressed in this sentence, ‘We can fully
discover our true self only in a sincere giving of ourselves.’ (Gaudium et Spes)
• The ultimate expression of our self-gift in marriage is the pro-creation of children. This is
because it is not only a share in God’s creative power, but also expresses the inner life of
God, which is a communion of persons, the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. When
a husband and wife conceive a child they too become a communion of persons. This is
one of the reasons why marriage must be a deeply personal union, that is indissoluble,
faithful and open to life.
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4. People can do selfless things for love of others.

• Jesus reveals and heals our capacity for self-giving love. This question looks at
the truth that Jesus reveals and heals our capacity for self-giving love.

• The answer to this is ‘Strongly agree’. The Church teaches that we can only know
our true dignity and the depth of our ability to love through Jesus Christ. (CCC 359,
1701).

• When we hear about husbands or wives committing adultery, or about the latest incident
of alcohol-fuelled domestic abuse, or a wife finding out her husband is addicted to
internet pornography, people tend to make the excuse, ‘It’s only human’.

• The truth of the matter is that such behaviour is ‘less than human’, and in fact every
time we commit a sin we are being ‘less than human’.

• For the past 2000 years Christians have known that only one person truly shows us
what it means to be fully human and that person is Jesus Christ.

• Jesus is important to all our lives, and to our marriages, because ‘he fully reveals man to
man himself’. Only in the mystery of God becoming a human being in Jesus Christ do
we learn what it means to be human, what we are really capable of doing in the name
of love.

• Jesus shows us the truth of the Law of the Gift and its importance in our lives, we only
find ourselves by giving ourselves away in acts of love. The Cross, or Crucifix ,is so
important to Christians because it is the sign, or logo, of this love.

• This saying of Jesus tells us the truth about love: “This is my commandment, that you
love one another as I have loved you. No one has greater love than this, to lay down
one’s life for one’s friends”. ( John 15:13).

mNow most likely we won’t ever be in situation where we have to give our lives to save
others, but every day we are called to make sacrifices for the good of others.

mBecause of our inclination, or tendency, to be selfish and commit sins we need Jesus’
help to love like him; this is why he gave us the sacraments, including the sacrament of
marriage, and why it’s important to pray to him.

3. What’s wrong with contraception and IVF?

The purpose of this activity is for couples to find out for themselves why the Church teaches
that contraception and In Vitro Fertilization are wrong and harm marriage. Simply put, there
are two reasons: both artificially break the inseparable bond between the act of sexual love
and openness to fertility. Further, contraception makes the act of love a ‘lie’ by withholding
one of the essential qualities of marriage: openness to fertility.
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Key points: Make the following points:

• Now we’re going to undertake an activity to explore why the Church teaches that
contraception and IVF are wrong and have no place in a Catholic marriage.

• If you turn to your Couple’s Book (p.17) you’ll see a number of statements giving reasons
why the Church teaches that contraception and IVF are wrong. Some of these reasons
are false and some are true. We’d like you to sort out the true reasons from the false
ones.
After about 5 minutes go through the reasons the couples have chosen as being true and
false and why. Spend a couple of minutes on each statement. Make sure that couples correct
their answers if necessary in their material.

Why contraception and IVF are wrong? True or false

(This activity is based on Dr C O’Donnell’s Questions & Answers on Sex and Marriage)
1. The Church is against contraception because sex is something bad and dirty.

• This is false. As we’ve discussed throughout the course, God made erotic love because
he considers sex to be not only very good, and to be enjoyed but also one of the most
powerful and intimate ways of giving and receiving love between a husband and wife.
2. The Church is against contraception because it wants every act of sexual love to
result in a baby.

• This is false. The Church understands that ‘new life is not the result of each and every
act of sexual intercourse’ due to the woman’s God-given, natural cycle of monthly
fertility and infertility.

• Furthermore, the Church also teaches that where there are ‘well-grounded reasons for
spacing births, arising from the physical or psychological condition of husband or wife,
or from external circumstances’ (Pope Paul VI, Humanae Vitae), married couples may
then take advantage of Natural Fertility Awareness to abstain from sexual relations
during the woman’s fertile period, and have sexual intercourse during the infertile
period. This does not go against God’s will for our fertility because the couple are using
the natural, God-given cycles for their correct purpose.

• God, in his wisdom, has given us a natural, simple way of being responsible parents that
involves our intelligence, self-control and loving consideration. However, the couple
must ensure that their motivation is the good of the family and not some selfish desire.

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3. The Church is against contraception because it makes a lie out of God’s language
of love.

• This is true. As we’ve seen in this session, God created masculinity and femininity to
enable husbands and wives to express mutual self-giving and receiving in love. Fertility
is not an optional extra but a fundamental dimension of maleness and femaleness.
Recognising this, the essential signs of love in marriage are deeply personal union,
indissolubility, faithfulness, and openness to fertility. The problem with artificial
contraception – sheath, pill, coil, implant, injection – is that they withhold fertility. It
makes the act of sexual love a lie, because the body language is saying, ‘I love everything
about you except your natural fertility.’
4. The Church is for couples spacing the number of children using Natural Fertility
Awareness.

• This is true. The Church actively supports scientists and doctors discovering more
about the natural periods of fertility and infertility that God has given women in their
monthly cycle. This is not to be confused with older, less reliable methods such as
the Rhythm Method, but is based on observations of natural changes to the woman’s
body. A detailed exposition of this falls outside the scope of this course, but practitioner
teachers of the ovulation method or multiple-indicators can be found on the web.
5. The Church allows couples to use Natural Fertility Awareness to permanently
avoid further pregnancies once a couple decides they have the number of children
they want.

• This is false. The Church beseeches couples to avoid having a ‘contraceptive mentality’
which means using the awareness of the fertile and infertile periods in a woman’s cycle to
avoid having any further children. This would be an abuse of God’s will in creating this
natural monthly cycle. The basic purpose of sexual love is the procreation of children,
and this should be honoured in marriage. The difference between contraception and
Natural Fertility Awareness is that contraception is unnatural and artificially suppresses
a good and natural function – the couple’s fertility.
6. The Church is against IVF because children conceived in a test tube are not
really human.

• This is false. Every child born through IVF is fully and truly a human being, with a
soul created by God. However, the Church believes that every child has the right to be
conceived from within the intimate act of self-giving love between wife and husband.

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7. The Church is against IVF because she doesn’t want the marriage bed to be
replaced by the laboratory

• This is true. There is a natural security that comes from reserving conception of human
beings within the woman’s body. Once this natural security is broken, as it is with IVF,
all kinds of gravely immoral acts become possible. For example, experimentation on
embryonic human beings, gender selection, eugenics of embryonic human beings with
disabilities, and the creation of animal/human hybrids.
8. The Church is against IVF because she doesn’t care about the suffering of infertile
couples.
This is false. The Church continues to express her deep sympathy, care and recognition
of the suffering caused by infertility. The Catechism states: ‘Spouses to whom God has not
granted children can nevertheless have a conjugal life full of meaning, in both human and
Christian terms. Their marriage can radiate a fruitfulness of charity, of hospitality, and of
sacrifice.’ (CCC 1654). Also, the Church promotes the use of medicine, surgery, and Natural
Fertility Awareness for couples suffering from infertility and sub-fertility, that is, medically
unexplained problems conceiving.

4. Are you ready to accept children lovingly from God?

The purpose of this section is to help couples talk about what it means to be open to life,
– open to share their lives with children. After talking about the tragedy and sadness of
contraception, it’s good to end this session on the promising note of having children.
Key points: Make the following points:

• When you make your marriage vows, you will make the following promise: I am ready
to accept children lovingly from God, and bring them up according to the law of Christ
and his Church.

• Turn to the final activity of this session, ‘Accepting Children’, (Couple’s Book, p.18) and
spend a few minutes in couples thinking about the following questions.
• What do we mean when we say that children are a gift from God?
• Would you want your children to be brought up in the Catholic faith? Why?
After 5 minutes, when the couples come back to the group, invite them to share any
thoughts.

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Key points: Make the following points:

• One of the original blessings God gave human beings was the command: ‘Be fruitful
and multiply’.

• Children are one of the great gifts of life, along with the gift of our own existence and
the wonderful gift of love between man and woman. This whole cluster of gifts from
God goes together, usually.

• This is what the Church tells us about children: “A child does not come from outside as
something added on to the mutual love of the spouses, but springs from the very heart
of that mutual giving, as its fruit and fulfilment... called to give life, spouses share in the
creative power and fatherhood of God… they are co-operating with the love of God the
Creator”. (CCC 2366-7).

• Having children is taking part in God’s creative work; it is the fruitfulness of God’s
original blessing. Parents become co-operators with the love of God the Creator, and in
a sense make that love present.

• This is shown in a couple’s openness to life, the gift of their whole being – the gift of
their fertility – through which they share in God’s life-giving love.

• In this way marriage opens up the wonderful and demanding vocation to parenthood,
one of the most powerful experiences of our capacity for self-giving love.

5. Closing words and homework

The purpose of this section is to recap the session and to continue to encourage the couples
in prayer.
Key points: To explain this section, make the following points:

• Some of the things which we have talked about today can be difficult because they
go against current ‘popular public opinion’. It is important that you appreciate the
arguments being made because you may face great pressure to use contraception and/
or IVF. In these circumstances you will really be called upon to practice self-giving
love.

• To help us reflect on what we have learnt today, can each of you individually jot down
the key points you would make in response to the following questions (have some paper
ready – pause between the questions):
• What would you explain as being the meaning and purpose God has given sexual
love?
• Why would you say that contraception contradicts the meaning of marital love?

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 • Why would you say that IVF contradicts the meaning of marital love?
• Why are the marriage vows (unity, indissolubility, faithfulness and openness to life)
vital to the success of a marriage?
• Why does the Church advocate Natural Fertility Awareness?

• This exercise that we have done is not easy! You will probably need more time to reflect
on what we have covered.

• For ‘homework’ read the summary material (Couple’s Book, p.17-19) and think about
‘What will we do as a result of this session?’

• Remember to keep praying the prayer on the summary sheet from the first session.
Check if there are any other questions. Confirm the date, time and location of the next
meeting. Thank everyone for coming.

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Session 4
God’s body Talk
AIM
“The human person: with our openness to truth and beauty,
To appreciate that being
created by the God of our sense of moral goodness, our freedom and the voice of
love our bodies reflect our conscience, with our longings for the infinite and for
their origin in his loving happiness, we question ourselves about God’s existence.
purpose. This purpose In all this we discern signs of our spiritual soul. The soul,
informs what is the right the “seed of eternity we bear in ourselves, irreducible to
and wrong use of our the merely material” can have its origin only in God.”
bodies
(CCC 33)
OBJECTIVES
By the end of this
session, you will be able
to:
• Explain the meaning
and purpose God has
given sexual love
• State why
contraception and
IVF contradict the
meaning of marital
love
• State why the
marriage vows of
unity, indissolubility,
faithfulness and
openness to life are Sing for joy, O heavens, and exult, O earth; break forth, O
vital to the success of mountains, into singing! For the Lord has comforted his
a marriage people, and will have compassion on his suffering ones. Can
• Explain why the a woman forget her nursing child, or show no compassion
Church advocates for the child of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will
natural fertility not forget you. See, I have inscribed you on the palms of my
awareness hands; your cries are continually before me.
(Isaiah 49:13, 15-16)

16
Made in the image of God
Read the statements below and decide as a couple whether or not you agree with them and
why. (Take about 10 minutes). We will then discuss the questions as a group.

Statement Strongly Disagree Depends Agree Strongly

Disagree Agree
Humans are just like the other
animals, nothing more.
The order and beauty of the
world and the universe show us
everything has been created by
God.
Sex is primarily for pleasure.

People can do selfless things for

love of others.

Why contraception and IVF are wrong? True or false

Read the statements below and decide as a couple whether they are true or false, giving
reasons. (Take about 5 minutes).1
We will then discuss the questions as a group.

Statement True False

1. The Church is against contraception because sex is something bad and dirty.
2. The Church is against contraception because it wants every act of sexual love
to result in a baby.
3. The Church is against contraception because it makes a lie out of God’s
language of love.
4. The Church is for couples spacing the number of children using Natural
Fertility Awareness.
5. The Church allows couples to use Natural Fertility Awareness to permanently
avoid pregnancy.
6. The Church is against IVF because children conceived in a test tube are not
really human.
7. The Church is against IVF because she doesn’t want the marriage bed to be
replaced by the laboratory.
8. The Church is against IVF because she doesn’t care about the suffering of
infertile couples.

Natural Fertility Awareness is a method of working out the natural periods of fertility and
infertility that are present in every woman’s monthly cycle. This is not to be confused with
older, less reliable methods such as the Rhythm Method, but is based on observations of
natural changes to the woman’s body.
1
This activity is based on Dr C O’Donnell’s Questions & Answers on Sex and Marriage.

17
 God created human beings to be a union of body
and soul. The fact that human beings are created as
a union of body and soul means the body is never
‘something’ but always ‘someone’ who shares in
the dignity of the ‘image of God’.

One of the reasons why God made us a union of body

and soul is so we could form loving relationships
with each other, create children to love, and could
be capable of knowing and loving him.

We can see signs of God’s design and purpose in nature.

The Church teaches that we can come to know God in two ways:

• through our reason observing nature and ourselves, and

• through God’s Word in the Bible and the life of the Church.
The signs of purpose and order in the universe are positive indications that God is the
origin and end of everything. The Church doesn’t accept extreme theories of evolution
that believe that human beings are the random products of chance and accidents. Instead,
it holds that there is a purpose and direction to evolution, which is the emergence of self-
conscious beings capable of reason and love.

God created masculinity and femininity to reveal our spiritual nature and share in his
creation of new life. The Church teaches that sexual love expresses in a profound way our
nature as beings created to be a union of body and soul, made in the image of God. The
‘body language’ of sexual love in marriage says, ‘You’re the most important person in my
life’; ‘I love you so much I give you my body’. ‘I love every aspect of you so much that I
want to have a child with you, who will be part of both of us’.

Jesus reveals and heals our capacity for self-giving love. The Church teaches that we can
only know our true dignity and the depth of our ability to love through Jesus Christ. Jesus
Christ in his perfect love shows us what it means to be fully human.

Are you ready to accept children lovingly from God?

As a couple take a few minutes to discuss the following questions: (say 5 mins)

• What do we mean when we say that children are a gift from God?

• Would you want your children to be brought up in the Catholic faith? Why?

18
• The Church understands that ‘new life is not the result of each and every act of sexual
intercourse’ due to the woman’s God-given, natural cycle of monthly fertility and
infertility. Furthermore, the Church also teaches that were there are ‘well-grounded
reasons for spacing births, arising from the physical or psychological condition of
husband or wife, or from external circumstances’ (Pope Paul VI, Humanae Vitae), married
couples may then take advantage of Natural Fertility Awareness to abstain from sexual
relations during the woman’s fertile period, and have sexual intercourse during the
infertile period. This does not go against God’s will for our fertility because the couple
are using the natural, God-given cycles for their correct purpose.

• God, in his wisdom, has given us a natural, simple way of being responsible parents that
involves our intelligence, self-control and loving consideration. However, the couple
must ensure that their motivation is the good of the family and not some selfish desire.

A child does not come from outside as something added

on to the mutual love of the spouses, but springs from the
very heart of that mutual giving, as its fruit and fulfilment...
called to give life, spouses share in the creative power and
fatherhood of God… they are co-operating with the love of
God the Creator.
(CCC 2366-7)

However, the Church is against both contraception and IVF as they artificially break the
inseparable bond between the act of sexual love and openness to fertility. In addition,
contraception also makes the act of love a ‘lie’ by withholding one of the essential qualities
of marriage: openness to fertility. The most important and special message that the body
language between wife and husband communicates is, ‘‘I love every aspect of you so much”
– it does not add “except for your fertility”.

Action Planning
As a couple consider what you will do as a result of this session. You might like to consider
the following:

• Discuss together God’s meaning and purpose for sexual love and your approach to
having children.

• Find out about Natural Fertility Awareness. Practitioner teachers of the ‘ovulation
method’ or ‘multiple-indicators’ can be found on the web.

19
Session 4 -
God’s body talk
Preparation before the session

Prayer to Holy Spirit for catechists

Breathe in me, O Holy Spirit, that my thoughts may all be holy.
Act in me, O Holy Spirit, that my work, too, may be holy.
Draw my heart, O Holy Spirit, that I love only what is holy.
Strengthen me, O Holy Spirit, to defend all that is holy.
Guard me, then, O Holy Spirit, that I always may be holy.
Amen.
(St Augustine).

Remember our goal is catechesis

(cf. Introduction to Marriage Preparation Course):

• Personal and sensitive

• Jesus first and last

• Love the Church

• Seeing the holy

Read through the Presenter’s material

• Be clear about the goal and objectives of the session

• Understand and prayerfully read the sections

• Prepare your own answers to the activities to share with the couples.

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 Session 4 God’s body talk
Aim: To appreciate that, Outline of Session
being created by the God
of love, our bodies reflect Section and timing Brief overview
their origin in his loving
purpose. This purpose 1. Welcome and recap from last Welcome back, ask if any
informs what is the right session questions
and wrong use of our
(10 mins) Activity: Recap ‘highlights’ from
bodies.
last session
Objectives: By the end of
this session couples will be Input: Brief overview of session
able to:
2. Made in the image of God Input: How to read the Genesis
• Explain the meaning
account
and purpose God has ( 30 mins)
given sexual love. Activity: Review passages on
• State why creation to determine what
contraception and IVF they teach us about being made
contradict the meaning in God’s image including input
of marital love. on the Church’s teaching

• State why the 3. What’s wrong with Activity: True or false. Couples
marriage vows: contraception and IVF decide if statements are true
unity, indissolubility, or false followed by group
faithfulness and ( 20 mins) discussion covering input on
openness to life are what the Church teaches about
vital to the success of a contraception and IVF
marriage.
• Explain why the Church 4. Are you ready to accept Activity: Couples discuss their
advocates Natural children lovingly from God? attitude to having children with
Fertility Awareness each other
Key Features:
• The ‘nuptial (15 mins)
significance’ of
maleness and
femaleness.
• The Law of Self-gift
and the necessary
conditions for self-
giving.
• How contraception 5. Closing words and Activity: Session recap quiz
and IVF are a lie. homework
Prayer
• Why it is important
(15 mins)
that sex is open to life.
• Natural Fertility
Awareness

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1. Welcome and recap of the last session
The purpose of this section is to re-engage with the course and prepare for what this session
will cover.
Welcome couples back to the course. Ask if anyone has any questions arising since you last
met. Explain that to start you are going to complete a quick recap.
Key points: You will want to make the following points:

• During the last session we discussed the important differences between men and women,
and the fact that these differences are not accidental or life-style choices, but have their
origin in God’s purpose for us.

• For the start of this session I’d like you to tell us what you remember about:
m The importance of these differences to us being made in the image of God. And
m What marriage has got to do with us being made in the image of God.

• Spend a few minutes discussing what you remember and then we’ll discuss them as a
group.
The answers to these questions are found at the end of the first activity of session 3, ‘Respect
the differences between men and women’ (See above pp.127-129).

Objectives of today’s session

• Last time we talked about the differences between men and women, this session we’re
going to look more deeply at the purpose behind God creating us either masculine or
feminine.

• Then we’re going to look at the meaning God has written into sexual love that allows
us to speak God’s language of love as husband and wife.

• We’re also going to look at the reasons why using contraception and IVF contradict and
harm the purpose and meaning God has given sexual love.

• We’ll also examine why Natural Fertility Awareness is in tune with the God-given
meaning of sexual love.

2. Made in the image of God

The purpose of this session is to help the couples think more deeply about God’s revelation
that our bodies are made in the image of divine love, which is the source of the dignity and
value of masculinity and femininity. Once couples accept their bodies have an inherent
meaning and purpose they will be more open to the argument that it is reasonable to reject
the misguided notion that it is acceptable to use contraception and IVF.

139
Key points: Make the following points:

• Now we’re going to look further at what God has revealed about our bodies inherent
meaning and purpose as male and female, and how this meaning and purpose is
expressed in marriage.

• First, we’re going to read together a selection of extracts from the Book of Genesis about
the creation of the first man and the first woman. Then you’ll split into couples and
discuss questions about the texts, and finally we’ll come together to share our thoughts.

• Before reading the extracts from the Book of Genesis it may help to recap the approach
the Catholic Church takes to this section of the Bible.

• The first things to realise is that the authors of Genesis, inspired by God, didn’t intend
to write a work of history or science as we understand those disciplines today. So when
Genesis says God created the world in six days, formed Adam from clay, and made Eve
from one of his ribs, the authors are not relating literal historical or scientific facts.

• The Catechism makes it clear that the Old Testament accounts of creation go beyond
the questions of the natural sciences into the realm of meaning. The purpose of Old
Testament accounts of creation is to make profound realities graspable to human
beings.

Thus Scripture would not wish to inform us about how the different species of plant life gradually
appeared or how the sun and moon and the stars were established. Its purpose ultimately would
be to say one thing: God created the world...all of this comes from one power, from God’s eternal
Reason, which became – in the Word – the power of creation.
(Cardinal Ratzinger, ‘In the Beginning’, p.5)

• So when we read Genesis today we must ask the questions, ‘what profound reality about
being men and women is God trying to tell us? What is the divine meaning he has given
masculinity and femininity?’

Extracts from the Book of Genesis

• In your pairs, turn to the material on Creation and take 10 minutes to answer the questions
together. As a group we will then go through the answers (Couple’s Book p. 18).
After about 10 minutes come together into the group, and invite couples to share their
answers.
You will want to make the following points when discussing the couples’ answers. Spend
approximately 5 minutes on each question.

140
 First account of creation
Then God said, “Let us make humankind in our image, according to our likeness; and let them have
dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the wild
animals of the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth.”
So God created humankind in his image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he
created them.
God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it.
(Genesis 1:26-28)

Second account of creation

Then the Lord God formed man from the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath
of life; and the man became a living being. And the Lord God planted a garden in Eden, in the east; and
there he put the man whom he had formed...
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper as his partner.”
So out of the ground the Lord God formed every animal of the field and every bird of the air, and
brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called every living
creature, that was its name.
The man gave names to all cattle, and to the birds of the air, and to every animal of the field; but for the
man there was not found a helper as his partner.
So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then he took one of his ribs and
closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a
woman and brought her to the man.
Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; this one shall be called
Woman, for out of Man this one was taken.”
Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh. And
the man and his wife were both naked, and were not ashamed. (Genesis 2: 7-8, 18-25)

1. What do these extracts tell us about human beings being different from animals?
• The references to being made ‘in the image of God’ and God breathing the ‘spirit
of life’ into Adam’s nostrils helps us grasp that we are a union of body and soul.
• The body isn’t a machine inhabited by a soul, but an inseparable union of physical
body and spiritual soul.
• Our image and likeness to God resides in this spiritual reality, our soul, but our
body also shares in the dignity of the ‘image of God’. We have human bodies, and
not animal bodies, because they are animated by a spiritual soul created by God.

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 • Nowadays we don’t hear much talk about the soul being the seat of our identity;
it’s all been reduced to brains and brain chemistry. But the reality of each person
having a soul conveys the truth revealed by God that we’re made in his image
and that he breathes his spirit into us.
• What is a soul? It refers to our interior life, the inner-most aspect of a human
being, our self-possession, self-awareness, and self-knowledge. (CCC 362-368).
• In Christianity, the image of the soul is the ‘heart’, not as the muscle that pumps
blood around the body, but as a symbol of the inner depths of the person. The
image of the heart expresses the reality of us be being a unity of body and soul.
• The importance of the ‘heart’ in Catholic spirituality is seen in devotion to the
Sacred Heart of Jesus and the wounded heart of Mary. The total, self-giving
love of Jesus for sinful human beings is conveyed by the iconography of his
divine heart exposed to our gaze and suffering the wounds of our sins not in
condemnation or retribution but in the humility of love.
• All these ‘heart’ images convey an essential truth about why we have souls, why
we are persons – so we can enter into relationships with others, so we can love
others. The most intense experience of being a ‘person’, of being a ‘soul’ is the
love you have for each other.
• Also, because we are made in the image and likeness of God, we have been given
the capacity to receive God’s self-communication, his revelation and his grace.
This capacity to have communion with God involves our whole being, body and
soul united. This means we cannot treat our bodies in ways that are contrary to
God’s will, as if they were ‘no go’ areas for God.

2. What do these extracts tell us about the relationship between men and women?
• One thing it doesn’t tell us is that man is superior to woman. The image of Eve
being formed from Adam’s rib is not about woman’s dependence of man but
about complementarity, about completing each other through a natural union.
• Genesis says God saw that man was lonely without a helpmate, that he needed
another. None of the animals could fill this gap of loneliness. We cannot exist in
isolation, we are not self-sufficient. Love is the fundamental and innate vocation
of every human being.
• In creating human beings, male and female, God gives man and woman an
equal personal dignity, though in a different and complementary way. And as we
discussed in the last session, it is that personal union of masculine and feminine
differences in marriage that fully conveys the image of God.

142
 • The phrase, ‘I shall make a helper for man, as a partner for him’, can also be
translated as an ‘opposite to him’. This means that God has created men and
women to be opposites turned in each other’s direction and specifically made to
encounter each other and fit together.
• This personal reality of being created as opposites made to fit together is reflected
in the biological structures of male and female bodies. The physical reflects the
spiritual, and vice versa.

3. What do these extracts tell us about the purpose and meaning of sexual love?
• God created masculinity and femininity to reveal our spiritual nature and share
in his creation of new life.
• Reflecting on Genesis, the Church teaches that sexual love expresses in a profound
way our nature as beings created to be a union of body and soul, made in the
image of God. (CCC 2331-2336; 2360-2363).
• The phrases, ‘This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh’ and ‘and they
become one flesh’ mean three important things in the Bible:

(1) The sexual act between husband and wife creates a bond as close as a
blood relationship between members of a family, with the obligation of
living together in peace.

(2) That husband and wife are complementary and complete each other.

(3) The physical, marital union between man and woman forms one shared
life as if they are one person.
• Another sentence that’s important to look at is, ‘And the man and his wife were
both naked, and were not ashamed’. It is this freedom from shame about our
nakedness that makes the sincere gift of self possible through the bodiliness of
sexual love.
• We came across the term, body language in the last session. You will remember
it refers to the fact that our facial expressions, the movements of our body, the
gestures we make communicate signals and information about our moods, our
feelings, even our thoughts. Our bodies give other people an insight into the
inner depths of our personality.
• Sexual love in marriage is an intense and powerful type of body language between
husband and wife.
• What does this ‘body language’ of the marital act communicate? It says, ‘You’re
the most important person in my life’, ‘I love you so much I give you my body’,
‘Your happiness and pleasure are as important to me as my own’, ‘I want to give
you a moment of pleasure and joy after a day of hard work and problems’. The
most important and special statement that the body language between wife and

143
 husband makes is, ‘‘I love every aspect of you so much that I am open to giving
life to a child with you, who will be part of you and part of me’,
• As we discovered in the first session, ‘God is love’ and he created maleness and
femaleness as a special way of sharing in his love.
• The naked bodies of husband and wife show that they have been created to
communicate the body language of love in a way that intimately expresses
the total gift of oneself. Marriage is written into the structure and shape of our
bodies.
• This openness of ourselves, physically, psychologically and spiritually, to self-
giving is so important it’s called the ‘Law of the Gift’, expressed in this sentence:
‘We can fully discover our true self only in a sincere giving of ourselves.’ (Gaudium
et Spes)
• The ultimate expression of our self-gift in marriage is the procreation of children,
because it is not only a share in God’s creative power, but also expresses the
inner life of God, which is a communion of persons, the Father, the Son and
the Holy Spirit. When a husband and wife conceive a child they, too, become
a communion of persons. This is one of the reasons why marriage must be a
deeply held personal union, that is indissoluble, faithful and open to life.

3. What’s wrong with contraception and IVF?

The purpose of this activity is for couples to find out for themselves why the Church teaches
that contraception and IVF are wrong and harm marriage. Simply put, there are two reasons:
both artificially break the inseparable bond between the act of sexual love and openness
to fertility. Further, contraception makes the act of love a ‘lie’ by withholding one of the
essential qualities of marriage: openness to fertility.
Key points: Make the following points:

• Now we’re going to undertake an activity to explore why the Church teaches that
contraception and IVF are wrong and have no place in a Catholic marriage.

• If you turn to your Couple’s Book (p.19) you’ll see a number of statements giving reasons
why the Church teaches that contraception and IVF are wrong. Some of these reasons
are false and some are true. We’d like you to sort out the true reasons from the false
ones.
After about 5 minutes come back into the group and go through the reasons they have
chosen as being true and false and why. Spend a couple of minutes on each statement. Make
sure that couples correct their answers if necessary in their material.

144
Why contraception and IVF are wrong? True or false
(This activity is based on Dr C O’Donnell’s Questions & Answers on Sex and Marriage)
1. The Church is against contraception because sex is something bad and dirty
• This is false. As we’ve discussed throughout the Course, God made erotic love because
he considers sexual love not only very good, and to be enjoyed, but also because it
is one of the most powerful and intimate ways of giving and receiving love between
husbands and wives.

2. The Church is against contraception because it wants every act of sexual love to
result in a baby

• This is false. The Church understands that ‘new life is not the result of each and every
act of sexual intercourse’ due to the woman’s God-given, natural cycle of monthly
fertility and infertility.

• Furthermore, the Church also teaches that where there are ‘well-grounded reasons for
spacing births, arising from the physical or psychological condition of husband or wife,
or from external circumstances’ (Pope Paul VI, Humanae Vitae), married couples may
then take advantage of Natural Fertility Awareness to abstain from sexual relations
during the woman’s fertile period, and have sexual intercourse during the infertile
period. This does not go against God’s will for our fertility because the couple are using
the natural, God-given cycles for their correct purpose.
• God, in his wisdom, has given us a natural, simple way of being responsible parents that
involves our intelligence, self-control and loving consideration. However, the couple
must ensure that their motivation is the good of the family and not some selfish desire.
3. The Church is against contraception because it makes a lie out of God’s language
of love
• This is true. As we’ve seen in this session God created masculinity and femininity to
enable husbands and wives to express mutual self-giving and receiving in love. Fertility
is not an optional extra but a fundamental dimension of maleness and femaleness.
Recognising this, the essential signs of love in marriage are deeply personal union,
indissolubility, faithfulness, and openness to fertility. The problem with artificial
contraception – sheath, pill, coil, implant, injection – is that they withhold fertility. It
makes the act of sexual love a lie, because the body language is saying, ‘I love everything
about you except your natural fertility.’

145
4. The Church is for couples spacing the number of children using Natural Fertility
Awareness
• This is true. The Church actively supports scientists and doctors discovering more
about the natural periods of fertility and infertility that God has given women in their
monthly cycle. This is not to be confused with older, less reliable methods such as the
Rhythm Method, but is based on observations of natural changes to the woman’s body.
The exact details of this technique are outside the scope of this course, but practitioner
teachers of the ovulation method or multiple-indicators can be found on the web.

5. The Church allows couples to use Natural Fertility Awareness to permanently

avoid pregnancy
• This is false. The Church beseeches couples to avoid having a ‘contraceptive mentality’
which means using the awareness of the fertile and infertile periods in a woman’s
cycle to avoid having any further children. This would be an abuse of God’s will in
creating this natural monthly cycle. The basic purpose of sexual love is the procreation
of children, and this should be honoured in marriage. The difference between Natural
Fertility Awareness and contraception is that contraception is unnatural and intervenes
to artificially suppresses a good and natural function, the couple’s fertility.

6. The Church is against IVF because children conceived in a test tube are not
really human
• This is false. Every child born through IVF is fully and truly a human being, with a
soul created by God. However, the Church believes that every child has the right to be
conceived from within the intimate act of self-giving love between wife and husband.

7. The Church is against IVF because she doesn’t want the marriage bed to be
replaced by the laboratory
• This is true. There is a natural security that comes from reserving conception of human
beings within the woman’s body. Once this natural security is broken, as it has been
with IVF, all kinds of gravely immoral acts follow. For example, experimentation on
embryonic human beings, sex selection, eugenics of embryonic human beings with
disabilities, and the creation of animal/human hybrids.
8. The Church is against IVF because she doesn’t care about the suffering of infertile
couples
• This is false. The Church continues to express her deep sympathy, care and recognition
of the suffering caused by infertility. In the Catechism it states, ‘Spouses to whom God has
not granted children can nevertheless have a conjugal life full of meaning, in both human
and Christian terms. Their marriage can radiate a fruitfulness of charity, of hospitality,
and of sacrifice.’ (CCC 1654). Also, the Church promotes the use of medicine, surgery,
and Natural Fertility Awareness for couples suffering from infertility, and sub-fertility,
that is, medically unexplained problems conceiving.

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4. Are you ready to accept children lovingly from God?
The purpose of this section is to help couples talk about what it means to be open to life,
open to share their lives with children. After talking about the tragedy and sadness of
contraception, it’s good to end this session on the high note of having children.
Key points: Make the following points:

• When you make your marriage vows during your wedding you will make the following
promise: Are you ready to accept children lovingly from God, and bring them up
according to the law of Christ and his Church?

• Turn to the final activity of this session, ‘Accepting Children’ (Couple’s Book, p.20), and
spend a few minutes, in couples, thinking about the following questions.
m What do we mean when we say that children are a gift from God?
m Would you want your children to be brought up in the Catholic faith? Why?
After 5 minutes, when the couples come back to the group, invite them to share any
thoughts.
Key points: Make the following points:

• One of the original blessings God gave human beings was the command, ‘Be fruitful
and multiply’.

• Children are one of the great gifts of life, along with the gift of our own existence and
the wonderful gift of love between man and woman. This whole cluster of gifts from
God goes together, usually.

• This is what the Church tells us about children: ‘A child does not come from outside as
something added on to the mutual love of the spouses, but springs from the very heart
of that mutual giving, as its fruit and fulfilment... called to give life, spouses share in the
creative power and fatherhood of God… they are co-operating with the love of God the
Creator’. (CCC 2366-7).

• Having children is taking part in God’s creative work; it is the fruitfulness of God’s
original blessing. Parents become co-operators with the love of God the Creator and in
a sense make that love present.

• This is shown in a couple’s openness to life, the gift of their whole being – the gift of
their fertility – through which they share in God’s life-giving love.

• In this way marriage opens up the wonderful and demanding vocation to parenthood,
one of the most powerful experiences of our capacity for self-giving love.

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5. Closing words and homework
The purpose of this section is to recap the session and to continue to encourage the couples
in prayer.
Key points: To explain this section, make the following points:

• Some of the things which we have talked about today can be difficult because they
go against current ‘popular public opinion’. It is important that you appreciate the
arguments being made because you may face great pressure to use contraception
and/or IVF. In these circumstances you will really be called upon to practice self-
giving love.

• To help us reflect on what we have learnt today can each of you individually jot down
the key points you would make in response to the following questions (have some paper
ready – pause between the questions):
m What would you explain as being the meaning and purpose God has given sexual
love?
m Why would you say that contraception contradicts the meaning of marital love?
m Why would you say that IVF contradicts the meaning of marital love?
m Why are the marriage vows (unity, indissolubility, faithfulness and openness to
life) vital to the success of a marriage?
m Why does the Church advocate Natural Fertility Awareness?

• This exercise that we have done is not at all easy! You will probably need more time to
reflect on what we have covered.

• For ‘homework’ read the summary in the Couple’s Book (pp.19-20); reflect on the bible
passages we have read today and think about “What will we do as a result of this
session?”
Check if there are any other questions. Confirm the date, time and location of the next
meeting. Thank everyone for coming.

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 Session 4
God’s body talk
AIM
‘The human person: with our openness to truth and beauty,
To appreciate that being
created by the God of our sense of moral goodness, our freedom and the voice of
love, our bodies reflect our conscience, with our longings for the infinite and for
their origin in his loving happiness, we question ourselves about God’s existence.
purpose. This purpose In all this we discern signs of our spiritual soul. The soul,
informs what is the right the ‘seed of eternity we bear in ourselves, irreducible to the
and wrong use of our merely material’ can have its origin only in God.’
bodies.
(CCC 33)
OBJECTIVES
By the end of this
session, you will be able
to:
• Explain the meaning
and purpose God has
given sexual love
• State why
contraception and
IVF contradict the
meaning of marital
love
• State why the
marriage vows of
unity, indissolubility,
faithfulness and Sing for joy, O heavens, and exult, O earth; break forth, O
openness to life are mountains, into singing! For the Lord has comforted his
vital to the success of people, and will have compassion on his suffering ones. Can
a marriage
a woman forget her nursing child, or show no compassion
• Explain why the for the child of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will
Church advocates not forget you. See, I have inscribed you on the palms of my
natural fertility hands; your cries are continually before me.
awareness
(Isaiah 49:13, 15-16)

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Made in the image of God
As a couple, read the accounts of creation below and answer the three questions. (Take
about 10 minutes). We will then discuss the questions as a group.
• What do these extracts tell us about human beings being different from animals?
• What do these extracts tell us about the relationship between men and women?
• What do these extracts tell us about the purpose and meaning of sexual love?
First account of creation
Then God said, “Let us make humankind in our image, according to our likeness; and let
them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the air, and over the
cattle, and over all the wild animals of the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps
upon the earth”.
So God created humankind in his image, in the image of God he created them; male and
female he created them. God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply,
and fill the earth and subdue it.
(Genesis 1:26-28)

Second account of creation

Then the Lord God formed man from the dust of the ground, and breathed into his
nostrils the breath of life; and the man became a living being. And the Lord God planted
a garden in Eden, in the east; and there he put the man whom he had formed...
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him
a helper as his partner.”
So out of the ground the Lord God formed every animal of the field and every bird of
the air, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the
man called every living creature, that was its name.
The man gave names to all cattle, and to the birds of the air, and to every animal of the
field; but for the man there was not found a helper as his partner.
So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then he took
one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken
from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man.
Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; this one shall
be called Woman, for out of Man this one was taken.”
Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and they
become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked, and were not ashamed.
(Genesis 2:7-8, 18-25)

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 Why contraception and IVF are wrong?
True or false
Read the statements below and decide as a couple whether they
are true or false, giving reasons. (Take about 5 minutes).1
We will then discuss the questions as a group.
Statements True False
1. The Church is against contraception because sex is something bad and dirty.
2. The Church is against contraception because it wants every act of sexual love
to result in a baby.
3. The Church is against contraception because it makes a lie out of God’s
language of love.
4. The Church is for couples spacing the number of children using Natural
Fertility Awareness.
5. The Church allows couples to use Natural Fertility Awareness to permanently
avoid pregnancy.
6. The Church is against IVF because children conceived in a test tube are not
really human.
7. The Church is against IVF because she doesn’t want the marriage bed to be
replaced by the laboratory.
8. The Church is against IVF because she doesn’t care about the suffering of
infertile couples.

Natural Fertility Awareness is a method of working out the Scripture would not wish
natural periods of fertility and infertility that are present in to inform us about how the
every woman’s monthly cycle. This is not to be confused different species of plant life
with older, less reliable methods such as the Rhythm gradually appeared or how
Method, but is based on observations of natural changes the sun and moon and the
to the woman’s body. stars were established. Its
God created human beings to be a union of body and purpose ultimately would be
soul. The fact that human beings are created as a union to say one thing: God created
of body and soul means the body is never ‘something’ but the world... all of this comes
always ‘someone’ who shares in the dignity of the ‘image from one power, from God’s
of God’. One of the reasons why God made us a union of eternal Reason, which became
body and soul is so we could form loving relationships with – in the Word – the power of
each other, create children to love, and could be capable of creation. (Cardinal Ratzinger,
knowing and loving him. In the Beginning, p.5)
We can see signs of God’s design and purpose in nature.
The Church teaches that we can come to know God in two ways:
• through our reason observing nature and ourselves, and
• through God’s Word in the Bible and the life of the Church
1
This activity is based on Dr C O’Donnell’s Questions & Answers on Sex and Marriage.

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God created masculinity and femininity to reveal our spiritual nature and share in his
creation of new life. The Church teaches that sexual love expresses in a profound way our
nature as beings created to be a union of body and soul, made in the image of God.
Jesus reveals and heals our capacity for self-giving love. We can only know our true dignity
and the depth of our ability to love through Jesus Christ.

Are you ready to accept children lovingly from God?

As a couple take some time to discuss the following questions: (5 mins).
• What do we mean when we say that children are a gift from God?
• Would you want your children to be brought up in the Catholic faith? Why?
• The Church understands that ‘new life is not the result of each and every act of sexual
intercourse’ due to the woman’s God-given, natural cycle of monthly fertility and
infertility. Furthermore, the Church also teaches that were there are ‘well-grounded
reasons for spacing births, arising from the physical or psychological condition of
husband or wife, or from external circumstances’ (Pope Paul VI, Humanae Vitae), married
couples may then take advantage of Natural Fertility Awareness to abstain from sexual
relations during the woman’s fertile period, and have sexual intercourse during the
infertile period. This does not go against God’s will for our fertility because the couple
are using the natural, God-given cycles for their correct purpose.
• God, in his wisdom, has given us a natural, simple way of being responsible parents that
involves our intelligence, self-control and loving consideration. However, the couple
must ensure that their motivation is the good of the family and not some selfish desire.
However, the Church is against both contraception and IVF as they artificially break the
inseparable bond between the act of sexual love and openness to fertility. In addition,
contraception also makes the act of love a ‘lie’ by withholding one of the essential qualities
of marriage: openness to fertility. The most important and special message that the body
language between wife and husband communicates is, ‘‘I love every aspect of you so much”
– it does not add “except for your fertility”.

Action Planning
A child does not come from outside
As a couple consider what you will do as a result
as something added on to the mutual
of this session. You might like to consider the
love of the spouses, but springs from
following:
the very heart of that mutual giving,
• Discuss together God’s meaning and purpose for as its fruit and fulfilment... called to
sexual love and your approach to having children. give life, spouses share in the creative
power and fatherhood of God… they
• Find out about Natural Fertility Awareness.
are co-operating with the love of
Practitioner teachers of the ‘ovulation method’ or
God the Creator. (CCC 2366-7)
‘multiple-indicators’ can be found on the web.

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