TH12I E RESPONDING TO GOD’S CALL BY BECOMING

FULLY HUMAN
Part II: WHO ARE WE TODAY OR WHERE ARE WE TODAY?
Chapter 6: Male and Female:
The Virtues of Fidelity, Mutuality, and Fruitfulness in the
Context of Katapatan.

Objective: After this lesson, the student is able to identify and explain good habits of fidelity,
mutuality and productivity that respect gender identities and celebrate a community of trust and
truth in the light of God’s gift of communion of life and love.
Introduction
In the previous lesson we saw what makes the human person an image of God in his/her
physical and spiritual realities (body and soul).We saw that our body is not something that we
have but our body is ourselves. We express ourselves in countless ways through our body like
our sad or sparkling eyes, a smile or a frown, a soft calm voice or a scream, bended knees to ask
for mercy or feet jumping in cheer for a favorite team, etc. We expressed ourselves through our
body. We are our body.
The body (katawan) signifies the whole person, the tao in Filipino experience. Our body
is the corporeality or materiality of our personhood. It is also the embodiment of our loob
(“authentic inner self”) which has a loob/diwa (“spirit”). Finally, we saw that this body (katawan
na may niloloob) is a relational being. We exist in relation to other beings.
We shall now look at another important dimension of being human, that is, our being
male and female created in the image and likeness of God.
Let us “SEE”

“See” Part I - Seatwork 1: Write down the notable differences between a man and a woman.

Name : __________________________________________________
Time : __________________________________________________
Date : __________________________________________________

1. Write 5 descriptions of a man (Ang lalaki ay...)

a)

b)

c)

d)

e)

2. Write 5 descriptions of a woman (Ang babae ay...)

a)

b)

c)

d)

A. Sex and Gender

 From our responses to the seatwork and in our group discussion, we need first to distinguish
between sex and gender.

Sex refers to our biological, physiological and reproductive characteristics that define male
and female or man and woman. Example of a sex characteristic: Men generally have more massive
bones than women. Women have developed breasts that are usually capable of lactating, while men have
not. Women give birth but men do not.

Gender refers to the roles, attitudes, feelings, behaviors, and activities that a given society or
culture associates with, but not entirely with, a person’s biological sex. Examples: In the Philippines,
women do more housework than men. Men are the bread-providers than women. Another example: “A
man is rational and a woman is emotional.”

Discussion: Look at the descriptions you wrote on your seatwork. Write S to those that pertain to
“sex”, after the word, and write “G” for those that refer to “gender” descriptions. On the things
you wrote along gender, where or from whom did you learn this?

Note to Teachers: After the brief discussion, continue with the input-lecture that
focuses on the sources of gender description.

While the difference between male and female in biological composition (sex) is constant and
universal, gender is defined by a particular society or culture and its historical situation. Each society or
culture has its own constructions or definitions of what it means to be male and female, masculine and
feminine or manhood and womanhood. This means that there is no universal understanding of gender.
For example, in the Filipino context, being male (gender) is linked to the idea of “macho” or “machismo”
(masculinity) which can be related to physical strength, control, power, even subjugation and domination.
On the other hand being female (sex) is associated with gender descriptions such as attractiveness, charm
or seductiveness, physical beauty, child-bearing, being silent, weakness and submissiveness (gender).

Children grow up in homes, communities, and schools that inform and form them as to the kind
of men or women they should be. This includes the relationship between a man and a woman. This is
called socialization process whereby people are introduced to the ways of living of their society or
culture. Adults also are continually informed and formed by gender definitions. As we have seen in the
previous lesson on “Body and soul,” mass media and nowadays social networking are influential in
molding the minds and behaviors of people with regards to gender.

Moreover, every society or culture also undergoes changes in the understanding of what it means
to be male and female or masculine and feminine. As society meets changing circumstances, it is possible
that the definitions of male and female also change or go through a transition. Examples: In the past,
women only wear skirts but today they can wear pants. While men before did not use cosmetic products,
many now use them. This is related to the idea of “gender identity, expressions and roles.”

B. Gender Identity, Expressions, and Roles

It is important to emphasize that it is people who condition themselves as to what and how to
think, feel and act as men and women. In a way, society or culture or the collective way of living of a
people, imposes and orients its understanding of realities on the individual members. What it means to be
male and female, masculine and feminine therefore, are not defined or ruled by God, rather, it is human

beings who make their own ideas or knowledge about maleness and femaleness, manhood and
womanhood. The same can be said for gender identity, expressions and roles. These are “social
constructions”.
Earlier it is said that “gender” refers to the roles, attitudes, feelings, behaviors, and activities of
being male or female. Gender identity on the other hand, refers to “one’s sense of oneself as male,
female or transgender” (American Psychological Association, 2006).” How one sees and feels about
himself or herself may or may not be consistent with the socially prescribed definitions. Society or culture
still plays a role in defining a gender identity. Hence, we hear remarks like, “Lalaki ka ba talaga….” or
“Babae kasi….”

“Transgender” is an umbrella term used to describe people whose gender identity (sense of
themselves as male or female) differs from that usually associated with their birth sex. Example: A male
(by biological sex) may consciously possess feminine characteristics (gender) or, a female (by biological
sex) may think, feel and act as a man (gender). [We shall have more time to discuss gender identity when
we deal with sexual orientation and sexuality later in this lesson.]

The phrase “gender expression” refers to the “way in which a person acts to communicate
gender within a given culture, like in terms of clothing, communication patterns and interests. A
person’s gender expression, like gender identity, may or may not be consistent with socially prescribed
gender roles and may or may not reflect his or her gender identity” (American Psychological Association,
2008, p. 28).

Discussion: In your society or culture, how should a man and a woman act in public, in
terms of clothing and communication, and what interests do they have? What happens
when the actions of a person are different from the expectation of society or culture of
what it means to be male or female? What does the person feel when his or her
immediate relationships (family, friends, neighbourhood, school), criticize him or her for
acting differently?

Let us understand what is happening to gender relationships by examining another related word-
concept.

Gender role refers to a set of social and behavioral norms or rules that are generally
considered appropriate for either a man or a woman in a particular social, cultural or interpersonal
relationship. What is/are the role/s of a man and a woman?

Gender roles are often introduced to children at a young age and these roles are developed when
affirmed by their immediate surroundings, community, culture, even religion and the mass media as well.
Just like the foregoing discussion, knowledge of gender roles are constructed or made by a particular
society or culture and its history. These roles are changeable. Example: Wives and mothers who work as
migrant workers in other countries have developed themselves as economic providers for their families
which was before in the hands of the males and husbands. The males and husbands who are left at home
have assumed roles that were usually assigned to wives and mothers, such as taking care of the children
and domestic chores.

Changes in gender identities, expressions and roles are not easy because society or culture has
made definitions about what belongs to a man and to a woman. Since gender roles are not constant or
fixed, gender identities, expressions and roles can be redefined or reinterpreted when people and their
society or culture undergo social change.

Discussion:
How do you feel or react when you do household chores in your family which is assigned to
another gender? What factors are contributing to these gender roles?

C. Sexual Orientation, Sexism, Patriarchy

 Sexual orientation is related to gender identity and expression. It refers to the sex of those to
whom one is sexually and romantically attracted. Categories of sexual orientation typically have
included attraction to members of one’s own sex (gay men or lesbians), attraction to members of the other
sex (heterosexuals), and attraction to members of both sexes (bisexuals).

In the real world, while these categories continue to be widely used, research has suggested that
sexual orientation does not always appear in such definable categories and instead occurs on a continuum.
Meaning, there is fluidity in a wide range of sexual orientations and every culture has its own categories
of identifying sexual orientation. For example in the Filipino context, there are categories of babae,
binabae, tomboy, lalaki, bakla, silahis and so forth which may be different from the Western
understanding of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transvestite, and queer (LGBTQ).

When a person acknowledges and accepts one’s own sexual orientation, this process is
called “coming out.” It encompasses the process in which one discloses one’s sexual orientation to
others. It may happen by verbally expressing one’s sexual orientation to others or through other non-
verbal communication modes, such as dressing, walking, speaking and the like. On the other hand, The
term “closeted” refers to a state of secrecy or cautious privacy regarding one’s sexual orientation.

Sexism is the unfair treatment of people because of their sex or gender, especially against
women and transgenders. Sexist attitudes may stem from traditional stereotypes of gender role, and may
include the belief that a person of one sex is intrinsically superior to a person of the other. For example, a
job applicant may face discriminatory hiring practices, or (if hired) receive unequal compensation or
treatment compared to that of their opposite-sex peers. When you think and say these words, “That’s the
work of a woman….,” “Homosexuals are….” “Men are….” “Babae kasi…” Check your attitudes if you
have sexist stereotypes, biases and prejudices.

A “stereotype” is a generalization about a person or group of persons. We develop stereotypes

when we are unable or unwilling to obtain all of the information we would need to make fair judgments
about people or situations. As humans, we use stereotypes in a positive or negative way. Stereotypes can
be harmful when these convey unfair discrimination and persecution of the other person or group of
persons. A “bias” is a tendency to assume one’s viewpoint or experience as totally or absolutely correct
or superior and that the other is wrong or inferior. Negative or harmful stereotypes and biases are often
expressed in “prejudices,” which is a prejudgment or attitude about a group or its individual members in
the form of irrational fear or hatred of other people because of their sex, gender, race, socio-economic
class, age, and so forth. In matters of gender and sexual orientation, extreme sexism (with negative
stereotypes, biases, and prejudices) may foster sexual harassment, rape and other forms of sexual
violence.

Patriarchy is a social system in which males define, rule and control the identities and roles
of other genders and have power over them in all aspects, economically, politically, culturally,
educationally and religion as well. Patriarchy is what lies behind sexism or the bias and prejudices
against women. The males think and act as the primary authority figures central in a society or culture.
They occupy roles of political leadership, moral authority and control of property and where fathers hold
authority over women and children. It implies the institutions of male rule and privilege and entails the
subordination of women. (In Filipino, pamamanginoon ng kalalakihan.)

Gender sensitivity is the awareness and insight into the state of the other sex and the respect
and acceptance of the different roles and responsibilities of men and women in the community
and the relationship between them. Men and women are different in their experiences,
needs, issues and priorities. The opposite of gender sensitive is gender bias or gender
inequality.
 Gender equality, also known as sex equality, sexual equality or equality of the
genders, refers to the view that men and women should receive equal treatment and should not be
discriminated against based on sex or gender, unless there is a sound biological reason for different
treatment. This is the objective of the United Nations Universal Declaration of Human Rights, which
seeks to create equality in law and in social situations such as in democratic activities and securing equal
pay for equal work.

Testimony:
 Give one example in your life when you felt accepted, respected, and loved as a
man, woman or transgender.
 On the other hand, have you experienced negative stereotypes, biases or
prejudices against you because of your sex, gender identity, or sexual orientation
in your family, community, friends, school or religion?
 How did you cope or deal with your positive and negative experiences? Are they
helping you to become as persons?

Let us “DISCERN”

Let us reflect on our experiences of being male and female in the context of sexuality and in the
light of the Filipino culture and Christian faith.

Sexuality

Sex, gender identity and expression, and sexual orientation are closely linked to form the
sexuality of a person. Sexuality basically refers to the way we understand ourselves and the way we
live out this self-understanding in the world as male and female. Our sexuality speaks about the
quality of our personality that makes us male, female, masculine, feminine or transgender (heterosexual,
homosexual or bisexual). It involves our affective orientations towards those of the opposite and/or same
sex. Our sexuality is expressed in our bodily ways used in relating with others so that we can become
better persons.

Human sexuality can thus be generally defined as the way we understand experience or
express our body-selves and how we relate to other body-selves. In this sense, our sexuality (that
includes our sex, gender identity, and sexual orientation) permeate, influence and affect our every act, at
every moment of our existence including our relationships with our families, peers, significant or special
friends, school mates, co-workers and with people in our religions and churches as well. Sexuality
embodies and expresses our very personhood, gender and sexual orientation, including our view of life,
other people, the world, our foremost dreams and visions and our deepest fears and frustrations. In short,
there is a relationship between our sexuality and our human vocation or calling as male or female.

Unfortunately, many people view sexuality in a negative way. This is connected to a view that the
soul or spirit is separated and superior from the body, which is considered to be the entry if not the
homeland of evil. The effect is that anything that is involved with sexuality (sex, gender, sexual
orientations, and anything on sexual matters) are on the bad side of things and the body is “something” to
be denied because it hinders our relationship with other people and with God.

We have seen in the previous chapters that as humans, we are gifted by God with freedom
towards the fundamental option of goodness and that we are embodied spirits or spirited body. This
implies that our personhood (pagkatao), constituted by both body and soul, is a gift of God and we are to
develop and grow in totality or fullness. Let us push farther our discussion of being male and female in
the context of sexuality by looking at the Filipino experience of katapatan.

Katapatan as the Call to Become Human

 Katapatan comes from the root word tapat, literally, “in front,” or “face-to-face. ”As a verb,
it is “to stand in front of” or “to face something or a person.” In another chapter, we have learned
the prefix ka which refers to companionship or joint action and the suffix an is repeated action.
Literally then, katapatan is ”being or standing in front with another person in continuing shared
experience.”

In interpersonal relationships, katapatan is not a once and-for-all experience but something that is
initiated, developed, fostered and nurtured through many experiences of being “in front” with another
person. In other words, katapatan is not gained in one sitting or meeting but it goes through testing and
trying experiences.

As a virtue or mabuting gawi, katapan involves the loob or authentic inner self of the person.
This is what is “in front” and being shared with another person through the body or katawan. There
are two or more persons or loob involved in the process of katapatan. In their continuing relationship,
they face or share each other’s loob. But what does katapatan mean in the context of relationship between
two or more persons.

There is no one meaning of katapatan in the Filipino context but there is a host of word-
meanings that give life to a relationship whenever people are “in front” of one another, such as
fidelity, faithfulness, true friendship, unwavering love, steadfast love, unconditional love,
commitment, intimacy, loyalty, trust, honesty, truthfulness, acceptance, respect, communication,
sincerity, transparency, integrity and uprightness.

The call to be human therefore, is to be faithful to one self and other persons, to be true to
one’s loob and the loob of others. The “truth” is that a person is fundamentally good and trustworthy.
The integrity of the person rests on his or her genuine care, love, respect and acceptance of oneself and
the person. In katapatan, people see each other as equals with dignity and respect. Moreover, one shows
fidelity to the other person no matter what difficulties or problems may come and she or he will be loyal,
honest, sincere, truthful and in constant communication with the other.

Let us now look at what our biblical and Christian tradition has to say about being male and
female in the context of sexuality and from the lens or perspective of katapatan.

Sexuality as Katapatan sa Sarili at sa Kapwa: Communion with Self and Others

The Genesis story of creation, particularly Gen 1:27-28, tells a truth about our being
human:
27
So God created mankind (or humankind) in his own image, in the image of God he
created them; male and female he created them.28 God blessed them and said to
them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule
over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that
moves on the ground.”

There are three important points to learn from this biblical passage. First, it says about a
God who is matapat (“faithful”) to creation. Out of His or Her abundant love, God created
humankind as His or Her ka-mukha (“image and likeness”). (In an earlier chapter, we discussed
quite at length this idea.)

Our katapatan to God is to fulfill His or Her will or desire that we, ourselves as body and
soul in the totality of our being, become God’s katapat na mukha in the world. Single or married,
man or woman, heterosexual or homosexual, we are to be faithful to God’s gift of life and
responsible freedom. That God created us as His or Her katapat in the world means we need to
see each other as God’s katapat also. In this sense, we are not allowed therefore to hurt ourselves
and other persons because to do so is a pagtataksil (“betrayal”) to our basic calling to be true to
God’s offer of love.

Second, God created humankind as two creatures. The text is not saying (in Gen. 1: 27-
28) something in a sense of biological sexes of a male and a female. The truth embedded in the
text is the unity that exists among humankind. The word “mankind” or “humankind” parallels
and is synonymous with the phrase “male and female.” It means that to be human is to exist and
to live in a relationship with other creatures.

This is the lesson of communion or our communal nature: Tayong mga nilalang ng Diyos
ay magkakatapat na may dangal. We were brought by God to this world to share the God-given
dignity and to be with one another. We cannot and must not live alone. Our katapatan to God
requires human contact with another person or persons with whom we can share our faithfulness
or katapatan to become full human persons. “Male and female,” that is “humankind,” implies
not only wholeness but also relationship, friendship, fellowship and companionship. Single or
married, we are all are invited to form and nurture friendships.

Third, as there is original unity among humankind, there is also “original

differentiation.”We are “standing in front” of one another with our differences. We were not
made by God to be the same or similar. Many problems in our interpersonal and social
relationships arise from our biases and prejudices against one another just because we cannot
make others like us. Our negative stereotypes against men, women and transgenders stem from
our unwillingness to accept the other who is different from us.

Our biblical passage is telling us that both male and female are to share alike in the
blessing and responsibility of exercising katapatan to each other and to help each other grow as
good persons in this world. This implies that we treat one another with trust, respect and
acceptance because we all participate equally in the image of God. No one is superior and
inferior to one another. Differences in terms of sex, gender identity, and sexual orientation are
not to be despised, but are to be valued, cherished and celebrated.

A longer reading of the Genesis creation story in Chapter 1 depicts a universe of

differences (light, darkness, land, water, various plants and animals, etc.). Harmful stereotypes,
biases and prejudices that lead to various forms of social discrimination have no place in God’s
garden. In the end, the Genesis creation story exclaims the happiness of God, “God saw all that
he made, and it was very good!” That we are different from one another in sex, gender identity
and sexual orientation is not a problem but a reality we need to accept. The bigger question is
how can we live out katapatan to one another?

Katapatan (Fidelity) as Freedom to Love

Just because we are different in sex, gender identity and sexual orientation doesn’t mean
that we can we do whatever we like and not to be bothered by what other people have to say?
Obviously, the answer is no. As we have learned in Chapter 4, freedom is not merely doing
things we like or having

private rights. Human freedom is a gift that we must act out responsibly towards the vision
(or fundamental option) of becoming good persons and for a better world. This God-given
freedom is the basis of the living out of our sexuality. Here is an insight from John Sachs, a
theologian on being human:
 Although the creation stories of Genesis are centered upon a man and a
woman, they remind us of the fundamental blessing and challenge shared by all
persons: the gift and call not to be alone, to be with and for others and to
contribute to the development of the world. In the experience of erotic desire, our
other-directedness and interdependence find powerful expression. We are drawn
out of ourselves and caught up with the other person. We are then faced with the
challenge of real loving. Male or female, homosexual or heterosexual, single,
married or celibate, the real test is whether or not we desire and love others in
their real otherness, or whether or not we only want to take possession of them or
try to make them extensions of ourselves. Sex is not the only way to express and
nurture loving union but it is one of the most intimate and powerful. Like other
aspects of our lives, however, it can also be thoughtless and exploitative. It is one
of the most basic powers in human existence of liberation or domination,
fulfillment or alienation, grace or sin. (Sachs, 1991:33):

Freedom from fear and selfishness and for others in self-giving and real love is at the
core of sexuality. We recall our description of sexuality as the way one understands himself or
herself – as male or female – and how this is bodily acted out in relationships. Feminist
theologian Agnes M. Brazal says that sexuality is not only about our body but it also implies a
set of convictions (or what one stands for or the principles one embodies), as well as being
responsible for one’s actions in the world. Sexuality emphasizes the integral link between
personhood (katauhan) and the body (katawan). For this, Brazal proposes pangangatawan
(embodiment) as the Filipino concept of sexuality.

Our sexuality or pangangatawan can be intensely experienced in our close

relationships with a few individual persons who have a significant place in our life. This is
where the virtue of fidelity or katapatan comes to the fore. James Keenan, a theologian of virtue
ethics, proposes fidelity as “the first of the cardinal virtues that every Christian is called to
develop” (Keenan, 2001: 59). He reasons out that this is a virtue that parents in words and
actions teach their children, especially on what it means to develop and nurture the affective
bonds of any relationship, whether with a spouse, friend, family or community member,
schoolmate, colleague and even with fellow citizens.

Fidelity in relationships is often overlooked by experts of moral living, yet it is the most
transparent practice that people learn in their everyday life, positively or negatively. The many
“do’s and don’ts” a child learns from parents shape their sexuality. Happiness and sadness are
deeply experienced in relationships involving fidelity or katapatan, or otherwise, infidelity.
We may be happy or sad in our studies or work, but when it comes to fidelity in the context
of special relationships, experiences can either make or break us as persons and lead us to
question about our sexuality.

But what does it mean to live a life of fidelity? Earlier, we noted that there is no one
meaning of katapatan because it entails many acts of attachment. It is time to examine closely
the virtue of fidelity here. What we are going to say is applicable to all sexes, gender identities
and sexual orientations and relationships.

Katapatan with Pagtatanawan ng Utang na Loob or Mutuality

 It may be recalled that in the concept of katapatan what is “standing in front”
between two persons is their authentic self, a loob with katawan. What they share with one
another in a relationship is the gracious, beautiful self that is acted out by their body-selves
with other people. They therefore “owe” or have a “debt” of shared humanity or solidarity
with one another. This is the mutual relationship they have established and nurtured
between two persons.

Mutuality or pagtatanawan ng utang na loob, first of all, begins with friendship.

Friendship is a process of careful selection of persons. It involves a decision for someone
with whom one can share deeply his or her loob or authentic self. Sometimes, we get
comments from other people that we are “selective” in making friends. In a sense, it is true
because we cannot be true friends with all people but it does not also mean they do not have a
place in our hearts.

With our constraints and limitations, we can give our utmost attention to only a few with
whom we can be real friends. Even Jesus befriended everybody, especially the poor, sick and
outcasts with whom he called together, played, laughed and ate with them. Yet, he had a close
company of friends, men and women with whom he shared his wisdom and allowed them to
witness his joys and pains, happiness and anguish. Friendship is the key to moral life because
it is through friendship that we experience ourselves to be “a lot more human, attractive,
life-giving”(Keenan, 61), and in a word, an encounter with the “extra in the ordinary”
(remember this felicitous phrase that goes back to Theology 1?).

Secondly, mutuality as pagtatanawan ng utang na loob recognizes, accepts, and

respects the other as a different person. This is what we sometimes refer to as “love is blind.”
The truth is it is only true love and true friendship which can see the beauty of another person
which is not seen by others. To apply the quotation from Sachs above, mutuality is to be “drawn
out of ourselves and caught up in the other person. We are then faced with the challenge of real
loving.” The challenge is not to make the other person like us for this can be a cause of problems
like infidelity but to accept the other who is different from us including his or her strengths and
weaknesses, hopes and fears, frustrations and ambitions.

Real mutuality, pagtatanawan ng utang na loob, enables, empowers and helps the
two persons to become what he or she wants in life. The moment we seek to control and be in
control of the life of the other person, he or she will be tied up to our own wishes and will but
that person will have a difficult time to appreciate his or her individuality which is God’s gift of
personhood. Have we heard of the phrase, “I am not growing anymore in our friendship or
relationship?” When we hear this, we may have to “listen” very well about what is really being
communicated or left unsaid. This person has his or her own life, dreams and goals. The
friendship is there to sustain or even to push the person reach his or her dream.

Thirdly, mutuality as pagtatanawan ng utang na loob requires relating with each

other as gifts of persons, gifts of God and not merely and even regardless of sex, gender,
and sexual orientation. Mutuality recognizes the other as a “person” and the approach to this
person is always with “awe and wonder as a gift.”Mutuality does not live by negative
stereotypes, biases and prejudices. We do have expectations of the other person but we need to
check on these expectations whether they are helping the friendship or not.
 Mutuality is different from “complementarity” whereby different personalities, with
their strengths and weaknesses, blend or mix. Complementarity is based on stereotypes of
what a man and a woman is and should be. Mutuality is deeper and richer because
relationships are neither based on preconceived notion or knowledge, nor about the other
person filling up things that we lack or do not possess. It is rather based on personal gifts,
talents, competencies, abilities, dreams, hopes and so forth – all that make up the individual
as a person.

Difficult as it may, we are called to be pleased about new discoveries of each other, going
outside of the thinking of “You are a woman or man or a gay or lesbian, therefore you should
….” or “A man or a woman or a gay or a lesbian do not do that…..” With the disposition or
attitude of “awe and wonder,” mutuality involves the emptying of self in humility that the other
person is God’s gift to transform or convert us from our selfishness toward becoming better
persons in selfless giving to the other. To recall Sachs, “Male or female, homosexual or
heterosexual, single, married or celibate, the real test is whether or not we desire and love others
in their real otherness, or whether or not we only want to take possession of them or try to make
them extensions of ourselves.”

Fourthly, pagtatanawan ng utang na loob is a practiced good habit of open

communication. Fidelity that is normed or guided by mutuality needs to engage in some
concrete exercises and practices so that we grow with one another. To this end, to live out a
mutual relationship of pagtatanawan ng utang loob, we need to make more calls or texts, dine or
cook more dinners, take more strolls, study or work more, stay a little longer with our friend,
pray more and give more. There is no such thing as “quality time.” It is either we have time or do
not have time for each other. It does not mean we have to talk all the time because in silence or
staying with each other, is more than enough. It also means we have to listen well to what each
other is saying and not saying.

Behind these practices is the openness to each other’s loob. In fact, communication is the key to
fidelity. Openness to each other’s loob requires constant communication as sharing of loob. Two Filipino
proverbial sayings insist on communication as a foundation of a good relationship: Ang taong tapat ay
ligtas sa kapahamakan ("A faithful person is safe from harm"), and Ang pagsasabi ng tapat ay
pagsasamang maluwat ("Honesty or telling the truth makes for a lasting relationship)

Katapatan as Acts of Katarungan or Justice

Fidelity is also a matter of giving justice to each other and to the relationship. We are to
become both faithful and just to one another. The Filipino experience for justice is
kataranugan. The root word is tarong, meaning tuwid or “straight,” and “upright.” In social
relationships, it implies being fair, decent, honest, respectable, moral, honorable,
principled, upstanding, righteous and reasonable. In short, a just person is a virtuous
person.

When a person to whom we committed our friendship gives importance to our personhood, we
feel a sense of justice or fairness. Why is this so? It is because we believe that he or she values our loob,
the seat of our worth and dignity as persons. Let us recall here the various word-meanings that are
connected to katapatan: faithfulness, true friendship, unwavering love, steadfast love, unconditional love,
commitment, intimacy, loyalty, trust, honesty, truthfulness, acceptance, respect, communication, sincerity,
transparency, integrity and uprightness. You will notice that both fidelity and justice have also the same
list of words and it all boils down to becoming an upright person who lives by or walks-the talk of daang
matuwid (“righteous living”).

On the other hand, we somehow know if justice or fairness in a relationship is absent. In fact,
most of the Ten Commandments in the Book of Exodus 20: 3-17 are straight-forward prohibitions of
unjust, unfair or wrong activity. We should not be idolatrous or disrespectful. We should not kill, steal, lie
about others or try to usurp what belongs to others. These activities are unfair.

Unfortunately, we tend to consider the Ten Commandments in a legalistic way as something

“imposed” by God for God’s own benefit. The effect is we become afraid of God, fearing that if we do
not follow “His” law, He will punish us. We need to recover the deeper purpose and insight of these laws.
They are meant to make us become freer and happier thus becoming more humane and just with ourselves
and with other people. Instead of looking at the Law as legal prescriptions, we better take them as guides
to become truly human: mga patnubay sa tunay na pagpapakatao.

If we look at our families, we also come to learn out rules of relationship, and when things do not
go by the rule, we sometimes complain of unfairness in the treatment. In school, we study well and
submit requirements to our teachers yet other students who are lax or copied their assignments and
quizzes get higher grades than us. So we question the fairness of the situation or of the teacher’s
judgment.

In interpersonal relationships, be it in peer friendship, marriage or community life, the absence of

justice or fairness creates unpleasant feelings of detachment and has been the cause of separation between
friends. In the Filipino experience, this experience of a detached loob is described in different ways
depending on the degree of the hurt inflicted, such as: hindi tapat (“unfaithful”); walang isang salita
(“not true to one’s word”); huwad (“inauthentic,” “fake”); pandaraya (“short-changing” or
“cheating”); panlalamang (taking advantage); pagtatago ng lihim (“hiding the truth”), kawalang-
tiwala (“loss of trust”); pagsisinungaling (“telling lies,” “untruthful”); panggagamit (“using the
other person for one’s self-interest or advantage”); panloloko (“deceit”); doble kara (“two-faced,”
“insincere”); and the most painful of all, pagtataksil (“betrayal” or “traitorous”).

It looks like we have come to know more or better what justice and fairness in
relationships means by way of what it is not or through experiences of negativity. When do we
say that we are acting justly or fairly to the other person? When can I say that I am not, or the
person is not fair or just to me?

Katapatan as Creativity and Fruitfulness with God as Katapat

We have seen that human fellowship and relationship is the primary purpose of human
sexuality, in which fidelity or katapatan is a central virtue. In the perspective of the Christian
faith, sexuality is characterized as a mystery and symbol of humankind’s need to
communicate and to experience God and others. What does it mean?

In our relationship with other persons, it is not only our human desire that drives us to a
deeper, richer and possibly long-term friendship with one another. We look at each other not as a
thing that can be used for our own purposes, but real friendship is truly giving ourselves to the
other so that he or she may reach human potential. Within and around two people is a greater
force that holds them together in love and faithfulness. Sexuality thus is a reaching out not
only to the physical but also to a kind of spiritual embrace of others and God. In loving a
person, says the famous writer Victor Hugo, we meet the face of God.

This is the reason why we cannot treat badly or unfairly the body-self of the other person.
In and through him or her is the God who is present, waiting to be embraced, hugged,
kissed and make love with. The violation of the other person’s body-self, the violation of his
or her gracious, beautiful loob as a person, is the violation of the face of God who stands
before you (katapat mo ang Diyos sa mukha ng iyong kaibigan o minamahal).
 The coming of Jesus to our world shows the “beauty of body” (Robert Penn Warren,
1979: 28). It is “the God (who) has come to dwell among us, in our flesh and blood, in our
desires and joys. All that is created, including our sexuality, is good and is to be delighted”
(Susan Ross, 1995: 114). Human fellowship and relationship between two persons is the
primary purpose of human sexuality. Human sexuality is divinely inaugurated for it is part of
God’s perfect design from the beginning and willed as a fundamental aspect of human existence.
We are created not for life in isolation but for community which binds those who are different.
Fellowship has to be viewed as a harmonious union of those who are different, male and female
as embodied creatures in a fellowship of those who are different and yet are joined in a personal
community of love and friendship.
While the unitive or communion aspect of human sexuality is central and crucial in
any real friendship between persons, it is also a means, not an end in itself, towards their
participation to make the world a better place to live in. For some people, this creativity and
fruitfulness is expressed in bearing and raising children who can grow as good persons and affect
society towards the goodness of all. For other people, they lived out the creativity and
fruitfulness by way of developing themselves in particular works and the lives of many other
people. In fact, work is not only an expression of their personhood but also of their sexuality.
For others still, they express their creativity and fruitfulness through celibacy. Consecrated
celibacy among person in professed religious life, and as well as among persons who decide to
be single, these too are embodiment of sexuality expressed in service to the world.

Let us “ACT”
Home-Assignment: Complete this form and submit your teacher.

Name : __________________________________________________
Time : __________________________________________________
Date : __________________________________________________

1) What are your three (3) most important learning about “Sexuality” in this chapter?

a)

b)

c)

2) What are three (3) most important practices or actions that will show your “Fidelity” or
Katapatan to a friend?

a)

b)

c)

3) Remember one (1) person who is significant or important to your life because he or she has
been helping you grow as a man or a woman. Write a “love letter” to him or her based on your
discoveries in this chapter.