Children Of Alcoholics: The

Unvoiced Victim
Chelsea Rousselot
Dr. Susan Larsen
Chapman University
 Children Of Alcoholics: The Unvoiced Victim

Children of Alcoholics have many roles and responsibilities in the alcoholic household.

These children work hard to prevent conflict in the house. Often times, children take on feelings

of guilt and shame when they cannot prevent their alcoholic parent from drinking or causing

household conflict. For most of these families, all of the attention and concern goes to the

alcoholic parent and there is no emotional room for anyone else in the household. Children of

alcoholics develop disorders and symptoms which go unnoticed. An article titled “Relationship

and Functioning Among Adult Children of Alcoholics” states, “children of alcoholics are at

increased risk for a variety of negative outcomes, including substance abuse, antisocial

behavior, mood disorders, depression and anxiety, academic underachievement, low self-

esteem, and relational difficulties” (Kearns-Bodkin, Leonard, 2008, p.1). Children of alcoholics

suffer abuse and neglect, which unfortunately becomes secondary in priority of a long list of

family problems. Statistics show that 46% of adolescents who abused alcohol had an alcoholic

parent or parents (Raman, Prasad, Appaya, 2010, p.1). In alcoholic families and other families

with dysfunctional problems, destructive behavior becomes normalized because, “children do

not know what is normal” (Woodside, 1988, p.646). Children of these families develop obscured

views of right and wrong which opens a window for life-long abuse. In these situations, the

children of alcoholics either accept the role of abuser or victim, continuing the family cycle of

abuse and dysfunction in their own families. The needs of children of alcoholics are unmet and

symptoms go untreated, when in reality, this vulnerable group needs the most help of anyone in

the family.

Children of alcoholics can develop symptoms starting in utero and infancy. Babies born

to alcoholic mothers who consume alcohol during pregnancy are prone to Fetal Alcohol

Syndrome. Fetal Alcohol Syndrome was once “the leading known cause of mental retardation in

the Western Hemisphere”(Woodside, 1988, p.644). FAS causes physical, mental, and emotional

problems. As a result, children with FAS tend to be difficult to care for, which induces the
probability of childhood abuse and neglect. Infants born to alcoholics are, “more likely than other

children to have feeding problems and be prone to vomiting and incessant crying. As

youngsters, they are more likely to have headaches, abdominal pain, tiredness, sleep problems,

tics, nausea, and enuresis for which no physical causes can be found” (Woodside, 1988, p.644).

This proves that babies living in stressful households are more likely to suffer from health and

behavioral problems than those born in more peaceful homes. These babies are more difficult

than other babies to soothe, which may be too much to handle for an already impatient,

alcoholic parent. Alcoholism in the family can affect the child’s future relationships. “Moreover,

several studies suggest that these working models of relationships between infant and the

caregiver are internalized early on, regarding the self and others in their adult relationships”

(Kearns-Bodkin, Leonard, 2008, p.2). Children who have unhealthy or inconsistent bonding

methods with their parent can develop attachment disorders and other emotional and social

problems. Children develop a sense of self-worth beginning in infancy which affects their

relationships with other people and themselves.

School age children and adolescents of alcoholic parents are prone to a variety of

problems and developmental delays. An article titled “Children of Men with Alcohol Dependence:

Psychopathology, Neurodevelopment and Family Environment” states, “Children of parents with

alcohol dependence syndrome are particularly at high risk for substance use as well as other

emotional and behavioral problems such as learning disability, hyperactivity, psychomotor

delays, somatic symptoms and emotional problems” (Raman, Prasad, Appaya, 2010, p.1).

School age children of alcoholics are continually digressing in development. If their issues are

not noticed by preoccupied parents, their capacity of self will be stunted permanently. “[the]

model of human development has particular relevance for middle childhood, a period of great

plasticity of children’s psychosocial capacities and capabilities and the relative lack of

individuation of children from the family” (Tubman,1993, p.81). The earlier these delays are

caught and dealt with, the greater likelihood the child has for growth, healthy development, and
high quality of life. This means that more attention should be placed on educating our teachers

and other mandated reporters about the signs of these neglected and abused children. Often

times, even well-educated people of these symptoms can miss the signs because these

children know they must keep their family secret well-hidden. The more knowledge, the higher

chance these silent children can be saved from a life of struggle.

The “Children of Men with Alcohol Dependence: Psychopathology, Neurodevelopment

and Family Environment” article further states:

Stanley and Vinitha investigated the manifestation of self-esteem and

adjustment in a group of 50 adolescent children of alcoholic parents and

a matched reference group of adolescent children of non-alcoholic parents.

The data revealed lower self-esteem and poor adjustment....in the

adolescent children of alcoholics than the controls. These deficits....can be

attributed to the increased stress and vitiated alcohol complicated

environment of the children of alcoholic parents. (Raman, Prasad, Appaya,

2010, p.3)

High self-esteem is vital in obtaining social intelligence. Becoming a functioning member of

society stems from the socialization obtained from school, church and other communities, and

most importantly, the family. Children of alcoholics are susceptible to lower achievement in

school, extracurricular activities, and furthermore, their career. Unfortunately, they will likely be

discriminated against due to their lack of social grace and confidence. It is probable they will

never be elected for student leadership, obtain a high-paying career, or even have a desire for

achievement in life. As low self-esteem can lead to apathy, achievement and success are often

disregarded.

The environment of the alcoholic family can be complex and the dynamic difficult to alter.

An article entitled “Parent-Child Relationship in Children of Alcoholic and Non-Alcoholic Parents”

declares, “families of alcoholics have lower levels of family cohesion, expressiveness,

alcoholic families” (Mahato, Ali, Jahan, Verma, Singh, 2009, p.1). These children are asked to

function in a disruptive and chaotic environment, a seemingly impossible task. This environment

does not nurture learning, emotional stability, or feelings of safety. In this environment, children

must fend for themselves especially when their parent or parents are intoxicated. The article

describes children of alcoholics as, “victims of an alcoholic family environment characterized by

disruption, deviant parental role models, inadequate parenting, and disturbed parent-child

relationships” (Mahato, Ali, Jahan, Verma, Singh, 2009, p.1). These children are not only being

raised inconsistently but, simultaneously, their moral constitution is being cultivated and will

ultimately become distorted. These children are not being taught the skills necessary to raise a

healthy family of their own. Most importantly, they will be more prone to pick life partners that

are just as abusive and unhealthy as their parents. These children are forced to view the world

through the tunnel vision of the alcoholic, dysfunctional environment. As most children of

alcoholics are isolated due to embarrassment of the family, they have no knowledge of an

alternative to this lifestyle. They believe they are predestined for failure and, without

intervention, these children will be.

As the culture of the alcoholic family settles and normalizes, family members take on

various roles in the household. Depending on family size, individual family members can

assume multiple roles. An article entitled “Adult Children of Alcoholics” names the roles in the

family as the family hero, the scapegoat, the lost child, and the mascot (McElwee, 1990). “The

family hero is the first role, often occupied by the eldest child. He or she always does what is

right, helps out at home, and overachieves at school….They learn not to depend on others and

to always be in control” (McElwee, 1990). McElwee continues by stating that the Hero often

feels secluded and lonely (1990). The Hero tends to become a perfectionist (McElwee, 1990).

Unfortunately, even though children who assume this role become responsible people, they are
often put under extreme amounts of pressure for their age and can grow extremely depressed

and anxious. They do not trust very many people in their life which deprives them of intimacy

and partnership. The second child tends to be the scapegoat.

His or her function is to act out the family pain and allow the world to

think that it is not the family that is sick, but just this particular child. ..the

scapegoat is hurt, lonely, and often feels abandoned..So the scapegoat

withdraws from the family and because of his own bottled-up emotions,

finds himself or herself attracted to others who are acting out their

frustrations. (McElwee, 1990, p.572)

Scapegoats assist in keeping the family secret by taking attention away from the actual

problems of the family. As these children usually are the most difficult in the family, they tend to

receive the most abuse from the family, who are frequently angry and frustrated.

The lost child is:

pliable and undemanding. Fearful of rocking the boat or of taking risks,

they wander through life feeling unimportant and unnoticed…. He or she

can never know intimacy as they have never developed communication

skills or the ability to form close relationships. (McElwee, 1990, p.573).

The lost child would never demand attention like the scapegoat of the family. As lost children

tend to be quiet and keep to themselves, they may not be noticed by parents who are too

preoccupied with the needs of the scapegoat and their alcoholic habit. Since their needs are

frequently forgotten by others, lost children learn to neglect themselves. The lost child does not

have an advocate in the family, which prevents the child from forming the skills necessary to be

an advocate for themselves. McElwee calls the fourth role of the family as the mascot or family

clown (1990).

This child’s job is to be very cute and diverting, to keep the mounting

tensions in the family from reaching a danger level. But it is a full-time

mascot is that his or her true feelings of pain and loneliness are never

expressed, and they remain emotional cripples, fragile and immature.

(McElwee, 1990, p.573)

The family mascot has the role of pretending everything is stable and going well. As they are

displacing fear and anxiety with a false sense of happiness, these children begin to hold the

burden and problems of the family on their own shoulders. Mascots often feel tense and

anxious, are high-strung, and fear for their sanity (McElwee, 1990). Denial of the pain and

conflict of the household can be detrimental to the mascot’s emotional and mental well-being.

As they are denying problems and fears, they have no one with whom to confide. This prevents

them from relieving stress and creates more pressure. Children of alcoholics can all develop

differently depending on the culture and dynamic of the family.

Symptoms of children of alcoholics tend to remain in adulthood.

McElwee claims:

Although these [family] roles might give their children who fill them

a temporary feeling of control, or safety, in adulthood they reach a

point where they eventually stop paying off. The trouble is, of

course, that by then they have become too familiar, too ingrained,

and far too rigid for an adult to just walk away from. (McElwee,

1990, p.574)

When the signs of alcohol abuse are not caught or recognized while the victim is still a child, the

victim will be inept and mentally or emotionally crippled as an adult. By this age, adult children

of alcoholics have come to accept their problems or disabilities as unchangeable or part of their

personality, having never been told that they were victimized. Woodside explains, “in a study of

men treated for alcoholism, those with alcoholic first-degree relatives had more depression,

panic attacks, obsessive-compulsive disorder, anger and hostility, more drug abuse, sleep
disturbance, severe nightmares and memory impairment than other alcoholics” (1988, p.645).

Adult children of alcoholics who become alcoholics themselves are at a higher risk for life

disturbances. Life in the alcoholic home is an unstable environment which may cater to the

illness of the alcoholic but does not nurture the mental well-being of the children of the alcoholic.

This puts children of alcoholics at risk for mental illnesses and anxiety disorders as well as gives

the children a reason to self-medicate, even using the same drug of choice as the dependent

parent. Some effects associated with parental alcoholism are not noticed until the adult child of

an alcoholic finds themselves in a committed relationship or becomes a parent themselves

(Kearns-Bodkin, Leonard, 2008). This is where continuation of abuse surfaces. The adult child

of an alcoholic defaults to using parenting tactics used by their abusive parents. This is

instinctual and not intentionally abusive. Adult children of alcoholics have only known one

parenting style. Unless they are conscious of the pain and problems caused by this parenting

style, the family cycle will be repeated. Unfortunately, even when professional intervention has

occurred in the alcoholic household, the attention is devoted to the alcoholic with little

assistance for the loved ones affected by the disease (McElwee, 1990). Most family members

raised in this environment will never learn otherwise and the same abusive parenting styles will

be implemented. Similarly, adult children of alcoholics will default to the custom of their alcoholic

parents’ relationship when dealing with a loved one of their own. This relates to the moral

character of the child, which gradually forms and comes to favor the behaviors and values found

in a volatile household.

“Relationship and Functioning Among Adult Children of Alcoholics” states:

Alcoholic parents are often inconsistent with the affection they give

their children, vacillating between demonstrations of love and warmth

at certain times and rejection at other times. As a result [children of

alcoholics] learn from an early age not to trust people and

experience persistent fears of abandonment. Thus, although [adult

be afraid that relationships in their adult lives will be as hurtful as

their early relationships. (Kearns-Bodkin, Leonard, 2008, p.1)

These adults have not been given the life skills they need in order to live a functional life. As

much as the adult yearns to have a relationship, they are burdened by the belief that no one can

be trusted. Adults living in fear of betrayal and abandonment reject the people who could

potentially give them the support and love they need. In this case, fear of rejection becomes the

priority even if it means losing the opportunity for love, trust, and connection. When these

untrusting adults have children of their own, these children may take on similar feelings. When

this happens, alcoholism has concurred again through indirect means. Kearns-Bodkin and

Leonard declare, “having a parental history of alcoholism placed both sons and daughters at

risk for divorce or separation” (2008, p.2). Children of alcoholics have not witnessed the coping

skills necessary to form relationships suitable for co-habitation. Their lack of experience with

coping, compromising, and communicating makes marriage and serious relationships a

significant challenge. These adults suffer problems that may become irreversible. As bonding

and attachment begins in the infancy stage, children of alcoholics have a fighting chance at

becoming functional adults if their family problems are dealt with and treated as early as

possible.

The effects of alcoholic parents on their children are diverse. Whether it be through

physical conditions or emotional and behavioral problems, no two children of alcoholic parents

are alike. As children, these victims were susceptible to physical illnesses including Fetal

Alcohol Syndrome as well as physical discomforts including headache, nausea, incessant

crying, and many more. Infancy is a vital age for bonding with loved-ones and has a direct affect

on the relationships the child will form in adulthood. These children also suffer from severe

behavioral and emotional problems which can be masked as something else instead of the
direct effect of the parent’s alcoholism (Woodside, 1988). It makes it difficult for the child to heal

from depression, when the cause of the depression is not being addressed. The

misunderstanding here is failure to acknowledge or recognize the role of alcoholism and the

destructive effects of the disease on the most vulnerable members of the family.

Family life in the alcoholic household is characterized as unstable and volatile. Often

these children feel embarrassed by their family situation. This discourages them from bringing

outsiders to the house. Alcoholism is a family secret and with that comes isolation, causing

depression, loneliness, and promotion of self-destructive behavior. Each child responds

differently to the abuse and neglect of their alcoholic parents. Some children take on

responsibilities beyond their years and become control freaks who learn not to trust anyone but

themselves. Other children respond to the frustrations of the family by yielding to emotional

outbursts. These behavioral problems often mask the actual problems of the family and put

blame on the trouble-maker child. Other children in the family go unnoticed and learn to neglect

and devalue themselves.

The disorders and conditions caused by an alcoholic upbringing follow the child into

adulthood. Many of these children have never been told they were mistreated and the child will

carry part of the blame for the alcoholism and abuse of the family. These adult children of

alcoholics can develop mental illnesses and other emotional disorders. They, also, have a

tendency to struggle trusting others and finding and keeping lovers. Unfortunately, when these

adults become parents, they turn to the parent styles of their abusive parents as a guideline.

They, also, turn to alcohol in order to deal with stress and can become alcoholics themselves.

The abusive family cycle can be continued from generation to generation unless dealt with and

corrected. It is important these signs are caught as early as possible in the child’s life to ensure

the child has as much of a chance for success as a child raised by non-alcoholic parents. Again,

education of symptoms of children of alcoholics and alcoholism in the family must be stressed to

mandated reporters so children can be saved from a life of anguish.

emphasize that not all children from alcoholic families become alcoholic, nor suffer mental,

emotional, and physical problems. There is evidence that some children may be more resilient

than others; they appear to do well despite their home environment” (Woodside, 1988, p.645). It

is not known exactly to a science what affects the well-being of a child of an alcoholic. It seems

children can respond differently to the same circumstance. It is possible some children are more

resilient than others because they had an outside source of emotional support, whether it be

from school, after school programs, a close friend, or a supportive relative. It is also possible

these resilient children had some kind of outlet for their stress and anxieties.

A side topic which would indirectly support children of alcoholic parents and other

abused children is the need for performing arts programs to be implemented in elementary

schools. Children participating in music, acting, and other arts which involve self-expression can

be vital to their mental and emotional growth. Self-expression through music and other arts give

children a voice where they normally would be unable to communicate their feelings. When

children get involved in art programs like these at a young age, they tend to continue

participating in these programs throughout the rest of their schooling and in life. This keeps the

children out of trouble and keeps them near positive role models and mentors. These children

can also find solace in the atmosphere which warrants emotional growth, communication, and

creativity. Families who participate in “mommy and me” classes including programs like Music

Together, a research-based music and movement program for children five and under and their

parents, develop unconventional and lasting ways to bond and communicate with each other.

Even if there is trouble at home, a child may always remember the good times when they were

singing with their parents and having fun. This may give parents and children a means to

communicate their love for each other, which would otherwise be a challenge for them.

The healing of the alcoholic family is rare but can be accomplished. Children of

alcoholics have been silenced due to three considerable factors: denial of the disease, the belief
that alcoholism is a secret, and the social stigma of alcoholism (Woodside, 1988). In recent

years, there has been more awareness of these inhibiting factors. Groups like Al-Anon and

Alateen help family members of alcoholics heal from the effects of living in an abusive home

and learn how to create stability in their life. Another issue is that most research done on

children of alcoholics is clinical rather than from community samples because most alcohol-

dependent individuals do not seek treatment (Kearns-Bodkin, Leonard, 2008). This means that

not all information on these children has been discovered and symptoms of these children of

alcoholics are misrepresented. More research could be done to help prevent and stop abuse in

alcoholic households.

A harmful belief in the healing process of the alcoholic family is that once the alcoholic’s

problems have been dealt with, the family has been healed. Even if the alcoholic becomes a

recovering alcoholic, the disorders formed by the children from living in the alcoholic home have

not been addressed or, possibly, even noticed. The needs of these children have been ignored

instead of recognized as equally important, if not more important than the needs of the alcoholic

parent. The most harmful aspect of this neglect is the children never learn why they suffer from

emotional, mental, and social problems. It is easy to recognize the needs of the alcoholic but

difficult to acknowledge the needs of adult children of alcoholics, who have lived all their life

believing people cannot be trusted and believing they are partially to blame for the problems of

the family. If stress was equally distributed between both the parent’s and the child’s needs,

adult children of alcoholics would have a much higher chance of breaking the cycle of abuse

and creating healthy home environments for their own families.

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alcoholics. Journal of Studies of Alcohol and Drugs, 69(6), 1-17. Retrieved June 29,

2011, from the Gale CENGAGE learning database.

Mahato, B., Ali, A., Jahan, M., Verma, A., & Singh, A. (2009). Parent-child relationship in

children of alcoholic and non-alcoholic parents. Industrial Psychiatry, 18(1), 1-5.

Retrieved June 29, 2011, from the Gale CENGAGE learning database.

McElwee, E. (1990). Adult children of alcoholics. The Furrow, 41(10), 569-575. Retrieved June

15, 2011, from the JSTOR database.

Raman, V., Prasad, S., & Appaya, M. (2010). Children of men with alcohol dependence:

Psychopathology, neurodevelopment and family environment. Indian Journal Of

Psychiatry, 52(4), 1-9. Retrieved June 29, 2011, from the Gale CENGAGE learning

database.

Tubman, J. (1993). Risk factors, parental alcohol use and problem behaviors among school-age

children. Family Relations, 42(1), 81-86. Retrieved June 15, 2011, from the JSTOR

database.

Woodside, M. (1988). Children of alcoholics: Helping a vulnerable group. Public Health

Reports, 103(6), 643-648. Retrieved June 15, 2011, from the JSTOR database.