Watch ‘Yo Mouth/Watch Those Fingers!

Lashon Hara, Shmirat Halashon/Shmirat Ha’etzba’ot and Digital

Media
Written for Quad Regional Encampment 2009 by Amy Dorsch

Goals:
 USYers will examine Shmirat Halashon and Lashon Hara from a different
angle, through social interaction online
 USYers will recognize the power of speech through digital media use and
examine the importance of the Jewish value of Shmirat Halashon from a
digital media standpoint. (it’s is what you say but also HOW it is said).

Objectives/Enduring Understanding:
 USYers will understand that Shmirat Halashon applies to all forms of
communication
 USYers will understand that the negative things they “say” (Lashon Hara),
while online are permanent. Words can be forgotten but anything online
can be traced and never retrieved.
 USYers will understand that the mitzvah of Shmirat Halashon must also
be translted into today’s terms through “Shmirat Ha’etzbaot,” as what you
type is the same as what you say but even worse as it can reach millions
of people and can often never be retrieved

Step 1: Create an experience

Story- The Feather story
This story is a classic. It may be repetitive for some in the group but in terms of
digital media usage, it is even more relevant. Ask two USYers to read it.

Read to Kadimaniks (not that they can’t read, it’ll just go smoother!)
Once upon a time, there was a man who said unkind things to his neighbors about the town's
rabbi. Later, he felt very sorry for what he had done. He begged the rabbi for forgiveness. The
rabbi agreed … if the man would cut open a feather pillow and shake its contents into the
wind. The man did as the rabbi asked and, as he did, the feathers scattered everywhere. Some
went over the houses. Others were carried down the street by the wind. Some were tossed into
bushes and still others seemed to disappear entirely. "Now will you forgive me?" asked the
man. "Yes, I will forgive you," answered the rabbi, "as soon as you gather up all of the
feathers." "But that's impossible!" cried the man, pointing to rooftops and streets and bushes
and trees. "Exactly,” responded the rabbi. “When we speak badly about someone, the damage
spreads just like the feathers, far and wide. It is impossible to fully take back what we have
said."

Step 2: Discuss the story

  What can we learn from this story about the power of words?
 Why can’t we take words back after we say them by simply
expressing regret and apologizing?
 How can we make amends for harmful words? Once the damage
has
 Think about this story in another way—what if the person had said
good things? Do nice words have the same impact as harmful
words? (The tongue is an instrument of good or evil, all depends on
how you use it)

Step 3: Integrate discussion and story

 How would you apply the moral of this story to what you “say” online? How
can you apply this idea to any socializing you do online (chat rooms, social
networking sites, email, blogs, etc.)?

Riddle: What are some of the most dangerous words in the English language
today? Send, Reply all, post or click

 We can assume that all of you are online.

 How many of you have a Facebook page? How many of you use IM or G-
chat or any other chat program?
 How many of you Tweet through Twitter or send emails on a daily (if not
hourly) basis?

The way we communicate has changed drastically, particularly in the last 10

years. You can create a whole different personality online. You can choose
whoever it is you want to be and say things you may never say in person. There
is this notion of security by ambiguity- “I can say this and no one will know it’s
me or there won’t be any consequences” and young people today can get into
serious trouble for what they post or send online. Unfortunately, because of this
security by ambiguity thing, we’re more likely to get away with Lashon Hara and
other negative types of speech than ever before, causing disastrous and harmful
results.

Step 4: Teach the Concept

What is the mitzvah of Shmirat Halashon and avoiding Lashon Hara and
how can we apply it to digital media usage?

Lashon Hara can be translated as: ‘Improper speech.’ But what types of speech
can be considered “improper” in terms of communicating with others?

Ask for a 6 volunteers to come up and each read one of the following statements with
expression:
  “Daniel did the dumbest thing today in gym class” – These types of comments
are derogatory statements

 “Shira’s in a mad mood because her parents are getting a divorce” – This is
considered a damaging statement

 “you look like a farmer in those jeans” - insults

 “I won’t drive with her. I fear for my life.”- highlighting faults

 “my dad is the president of his company and can get us any concert tickets
we want because he’s really important.” -telling a lie or falsehood

 “He’s not going to go out with her. He’s smart and she’s so dumb.” -Belittling

How many of you have said and heard remarks like this? (likely on a daily basis)
These are typical statements teens make when talking about others. They’re
hurtful and harmful but can have even greater effects when made online.

What does Judaism have to say about remarks like the above?

Hand out source packets and turn to the page entitled: Watch ‘Yo
Mouth/Watch Those Fingers!

Go through each text as a group and the discussion questions. Focus on the first
text to keep the discussion within the framework of digital media usage.

Step 5: Practice Defined Givens

Lashon hara isn’t just about gossip or slander- it’s any improper or negative
speech that could be hurtful or harmful. And in today’s world, it’s not just what is
verbally expressed but also what can be typed.

While online, we need to be very aware of Lashon Hara and practice the mitzvah
of Shmirat Halashon or guarding the tongue. In terms of internet usage, we can
translate guarding our tongue to guarding our fingers. What you type is the
same thing as what you say but even worse because it get spread like fire
and can never be retrieved.

Split the group into 4 smaller groups. Assign a scenario to each group.
Instructions are to figure out:
a) identify the issues
b) how it applies to Lashon Hara and Shmirat Halashon and
c) to imagine yourself in the situation in front of the computer and act out
your response.
 Shmirat Halashon Scenarios
Tear along the dotted line and give one to each group

Situation 1: Motzi Shem Ra- giving someone a bad name

Two girls from your chapter/region were placed on your USY on Wheels bus Bus.
One of your group members starts a Bus A Facebook page prior to the summer
so the group can “meet each other” and post messages before the trip. One
night, you’re online and you see that one of the girls has posted nasty rumors
about the other one on the message board. Everyone has been responded either
laughing it off, in support of the arguments or general comments.

 What are the consequences?

 What would you do?
 What could you do to be helpful at all?
 Because it’s not about you, would you do anything about it?

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Situation 2: Rechilut- Gossip

You can home from a party where inappropriate behavior was taking place (could
be anything). You saw someone you know really behaving badly. You come
home, it’s past midnight, but you want to email you friend to tell him about your
night and share some cell phone shots you took- he’ll otherwise never believe
you!

 You could take two approaches to this situation. What are they?
 One approach could be okay and keep you and people involved safe. The
other could have really negative consequences. Choose one to act out to
demonstrate what could be done or what should be done

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Situation 3:
Your chapter/region has a Facebook page. Following convention, your
communications VP asks for submissions of stories, pictures and memories to
submit to the regional FB page. You have tons of great pictures so you upload an
album and send it in. What you didn’t realize was there were some very
embarrassing and inappropriate photos of you and your friends that were just on
your digital camera. The communications VP didn’t notice them, so now they’re
online!
  Although they can be instantly removed, they may have already been
viewed by others and saved. Therefore, you’re receiving messages from
others commenting on the photos. What can you do to stop or prevent the
Lashon Hara and ask your friends to practice Shmirat Halashon?
 How can you prevent common mistakes like this? Or another one like
sending a text message to the wrong person?
Situation 4: Terrible Texting
You don’t get along with a girl who goes to your school. You’re not sure why, but
she seems to have a problem with you. She starts sending you mean text
messages and slowly but surely, the text messages become as frequent as all
hours of the day and night. She’s driving you crazy and keeping you awake at
night. Cyberbullying has taken over your every thought as she torments you
without a single other person knowing.

What could you do?

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Kadima on next page… (3 groups)
Shmirat Halashon Scenarios (Kadima)

Group 1:
You were invited to a friend’s birthday party and received a MASS email from
someone you all know badmouthing the birthday girl and saying things like “don’t
go to her party, it’s going to suck…” It goes on and says more negative comments
about the person and her house.” You have a number of choices of what to do with
this email. What are they are what makes you think twice about what you would
do?
● How can you apply Shmirat Halashon to what you do online?

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Group 1:
There’s a new social networking site and you’re excited to use it. You set up a fake
persona and decide to completely “reinvent” yourself as someone new. You take
pictures of yourself in silly costumes, dressed up in makeup or in different “roles,”
make up creative stories but post your own email address and phone number, You
start getting weird phone calls but don’t think anything of it.
● What is the danger here? What could you do?
● If you want to express yourself creatively online, how could you do it safely?
Should you parents see everything you post about yourself? Should teens have
privacy online or should there be supervision of some kind? Would you let you
mom/dad see what you post about yourself or would it embarrass you? How can
you apply Shmirat Halashon to what you do online?

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Group 3:
You make a new friend in chat room and he seems really cool- he’s the same age as
you, also plays tennis like you do and even likes the same bands as you. You live
near each other and decide to hang out after school one day. You tell your mom
about this and she freaks out. What’s the big deal about making new friends?
You’ve become really close and have shared a lot about each other. You’re excited
to finally meet and hang out and your mom is being a “party pooper.”
● What could be your mom’s “problem?” What issues or dangers could there be
here?
● You share a lot of information in a chat room you would never normally share
with a stranger. Online, it is unusual to practice Shmirat Halashon- we usually let
it all out because we are in the comfort of our own homes. Once people find out
information about you though, it’s out there for all to see and know. Knowing
this, how would you respond to the situation and your mom?
Step 6: Discuss the Activity
Reassemble as a large group and present the scenarios

Dealing with the situation and preventing the situation

Discussion questions:
 First of all, do any of these situations sound familiar? Have any of you
ever been in any sort of situation dealing with “Lashon Hara” online?
 Who is affected by online Lashon Hara? What are the consequences
Reiterate the text from the Talmud: “It has been said that Lashon Hara
(disparaging speech) harms three people: the person who speaks it, the person
who hears it, and the person about whom it is told.”
 How is online Lashon Hara different from disparaging speech that is said
in the hallways at school?
 How can you prevent the consequences of online Lashon Hara? How can
you practice the mitzvah of “Shmirat Ha’etzbaot” (guarding your fingers-
ie. Watching what you type), a new form of Shmirat Halashon while still
enjoying social networking and digital media use?
 As you go through each scenario, make sure to reinforce what steps could
be taken to deal with the situation and what could have been done to
prevent it.
Reiterate any suggestions made. Make a list of ways to be cautious with our
words while online with the group. Ask them to really think about taking these
steps

Step 7: Summarize and apply to real life

Sample summary:
As you can see, Lashon Hara has taken on new shapes and forms in today’s
“tech-world.” We don’t socialize in the same way as we used to. You’re more
likely to know someone email address or screen name that phone number or
address. Fortunately, we’re more connected to more people. Unfortunately, our
negative behavior effects millions instead of the small community to which we
belong and our electronic trail of activity can never be rescinded.

It is indeed still human nature to gossip, we know that. Teens in particular say
and do terrible things to each other online because they don’t see the direct
effects of their actions (security by ambiguity). So what should you do if you’re a
victim? What should you do to prevent being a victim or perpetrator of digital
Lashon Hara and practice Shmirat Haslashon/Shmirat Ha’etzbaot, this new form
of watching what we say but also watching what we type while online to minimize
consequences, hurt feelings and painful consequences?