Islamic Marriage 63 64 Islamic

Marriage

Title : Islamic Marriage

Compiler : Syed Athar Husain S.H. Rizvi
Publisher : World Islamic Network (WIN)

1st Edition 2001

Islamic Marriage ISBN: 81-87793-54-6

A Handbook for Young Muslims Distributed free of charge seeking Allah’s

pleasure
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Islamic Marriage 63 64 Islamic
Marriage

IMAM JA’FAR AS-SADIQ (A.S.) SAYS

Table of Contents When a person intends to send a proposal
for marriage, he must pray two rakat prayers,
praise Allah and recite the following invocation:
1

1. Introduction.............................................5 ‫بمسسمم الم الرسحمن الرمحسيم االلههرم امنن اهمريسهد اسن اتَاتازرواج فاتاقندسر م سل ممان النرس تآَّمء‬
2. Importance of Marriage in Islam.............7
3. When Must We Marry? ..........................13
ً‫ااعرفههرن فاتسرججاً رو اسحافظاههرن م سلت م سفت ناتسفمستاهاً او امتاً م سلت او اسواستاعههرن م سلت مرسزقجتا‬
4. Selection of Spouse...............................15 ‫نت اتَس تهرهك فاتاقتندسر م سلت ممسنتاهتتاً او‬ ‫م‬ ‫م م‬ ‫م‬
‫او اسعظاامههترن سلت باتاراكتةج سفت نتاسفستاهاً او امتتاً سلت ا رس‬
5. The Marriage Ceremony........................22
ْ.‫لاً م سف احيوتَمسى او باتسعاد امسوتَمسى‬‫لاجدا طاينباً اتعلاه خلاجفاً م‬
6. The Wedding Night................................29 ‫صاً ج‬ ‫ج سا ه ا ا‬
7. Days and Times for Sex.........................32 Transliteration: Bismillah hir Rah’maanir
8. Sexual Techniques.................................35 Rah’eem Allaahumma inni oreedo an
9. Dua for Pregnancy.................................41 atazawwaja faqaddirli minannisaa-e-
10....................Contraceptives and Abortion a-’affahunna farjawn wa ah’faz’ahunna li f
..............................................................43 nafseha wa maali wa aw sa-a’-hunna li rizqan
11...........The Major Ablution (Ghusl Janabat) wa a’-z’amahunna li barakatan f nafseha wa
..............................................................48 maali anna atroko faqaddirli minha waladan
12....................Mutual Rights and Behaviour t’ayyaban taj-a’lahu khalafan s’aaleh’an f
..............................................................55 h’ayaati wa ba’da mauti.
13...............Duties of other family members Translation: In the name of Allah the
..............................................................63 Benefcent, the Merciful. O Allah! I intend to
marry. Therefore destine for me the most chaste
14.........................Glossary of Islamic Terms
of women and one who would, for my sake,
..............................................................65
guard herself and my property. Who shall be
15........................................... Bibliography most auspicious for increase in sustenance and
..............................................................66
bounties. Then from her womb bestow a pure
16................................................. Endnote son who would be my sweet reminiscence in my
..............................................................67 life and after my death.
1
Tahzeebul Islam, Allamah Muhammad Baqir Majlisi, p. 127
Islamic Marriage 63 64 Islamic
Marriage

not to act as an infringement of an individual’s

freedom but because Islam is concerned not
only with your physical well being but also your
INTRODUCTION spiritual enhancement. Moreover, we can see
the degradation of society where absolute
A. Who needs this book? sexual freedom prevails.
This book is compiled for those intending to C. Main Objective of the book
marry in the near future or the newly married
The commencement of a new life takes
people. In this short handbook we have tried to
place through marriage. If Islamic rules are
put things in a nutshell. It is recommended to do
known and followed, the child born will be
a detailed reading of other books on Marriage,
chaste.
references of which are given at the end of this
Insha Allah our progeny can then be capable
book.
of being the Imam’s (a.s.) followers.
B. Why do we need to know the rules? This is the main objective of the book.
It is the duty of every Muslim to follow the
Note
Islamic laws not only in matters of prayers and
Islamic Marriage is of two types; permanent
fasting but in all his actions. Islam has well
and temporary (Muta’). Since this book was
defned rules about marriage and sex too. So if
compiled mostly for those entering into a
you want to follow Islam fully, then you must
permanent alliance, the topic of Muta’ has not
know the Islamic rules and regulations
been covered.
governing married life. Islam has never
repressed the natural feelings of human beings
but provides rules which are divine.
This will not only enable you to be faithful to
your religion but would also shield you from the
barrage of Sex literature that portrays this
natural instinct as one that must be left
uncontrolled. Western sexual morality permits
many things that are prohibited in Islam. The
reason for the prohibition of certain actions is
Islamic Marriage 63 64 Islamic
Marriage

those who have kept away from marriage and

are passing their lives as bachelors.” 5
Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) exhorts, “Marry, because
IMPORTANCE OF MARRIAGE IN ISLAM
marriage is the tradition of the Prophet.” The
Prophet (s.a.) also said, “Whosoever likes to
The Holy Quran says,
follow my tradition, then he should know that
And marry those among you who are
marriage is from my tradition.” 6
single and those who are fit among your
male slaves and your female slaves; if A. Importance of sex in marriage
they are needy, Allah will make them free
from want out of His grace; and Allah is In Islam, marriage is not restricted to a
Ample-giving, Knowing.2 platonic relationship between husband and wife,
The above ayat begins with the words Wa nor is it solely for procreation. The Islamic term
Ankehoo (And marry…) The imperative form for marriage, “nikah” literally means sexual
of the word ‘nikah’ implies that either it is intercourse.7
obligatory or highly recommended. 3 According So why has Islam provided extensive rules
to scholars, though marriage is a highly and regulation regarding sex? This was because
recommended act, it becomes obligatory when Islam has fully understood that sexual instincts
there is a chance of falling into sin. cannot and must not be repressed. They can
The Prophet says, “No house has been built only be regulated for the well being of human
in Islam more beloved in the sight of Allah than beings in this life and for their success in the
through marriage.” 4 hereafter.
On another occasion the Prophet (s.a.) said, Sex in married life has been openly
“The best people of my nation (Ummat) are recommended in Qur’an, ‘When they [i.e.,
those who get married and have chosen their the wives] have cleansed themselves
wives, and the worst people of my nation are

5
Mustadrakul Wasael, Muhaddith Noori, vol. 2, p. 531
2
Surah Nur 24: 32 quoted in A Gift for the Youth, Shabeeb Rizvi
3 6
Marriage and Morals in Islam, Sayyid Muhammad Rizvi Wasaelush Shia, vol. 14, p. 3-4, 6
4 7
Wasaelush Shia, vol. 14, p. 3 Marriage and Morals in Islam, Sayyid Muhammad Rizvi
Islamic Marriage 63 64 Islamic
Marriage

[after menstruation], you go into them as When ‘Uthman fnished his prayers and turned
Allah has commanded.” 8 towards the Prophet, he said, “O ‘Uthman! Allah
did not send me for monasticism, rather He sent
B. Fulfillment of Sexual Urge me with a simple and straight [Shariah]. I fast,
The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.s.) and the Holy pray and also have intimate relations with my
Imams (a.s.) also encouraged their followers to wife. So whosoever likes my tradition, then he
marry and to fulfll their sexual urges in lawful should follow it; and marriage is one of my
ways as can be seen from the following: The traditions.” 11
Prophet (s.a.) said, “O you young men! I
D. Beneficial Effects of a Married Life
recommend marriage to you.” 9
Various studies prove that married people
Imam Reza (a.s.) said, “Three things are
remain healthier, physically and mentally. Islam,
from the traditions of the messengers of God:
has always maintained that marriage is
using perfume, removing the [excessive] hair
benefcial for us in many ways.
and visiting one’s wife.” 10
Islam also regards marriage as a way to
C. Celibacy and Monasticism is acquire spiritual perfection.
Forbidden
The Prophet (s.a.) said, “One who marries,
Islamic is totally opposed to monasticism has already guarded half of his religion,
and celibacy. ‘Uthman bin Maz’un was a close therefore he should fear Allah for the other
companion of the Prophet. One day his wife half.” 12 How true! A person who fulflls his
came to the Prophet and complained, “O sexual urges lawfully would rarely be distracted
Messenger of God! ‘Uthman fasts during the day in spiritual pursuits.
and stands for prayers during the night.” In
other words, she meant to say that her husband E. Marriage enhances the value of
was avoiding sexual relations during the night prayers
as well as the day. The Prophet was angered. He
The Prophet (s.a.) said, “Two rak ‘ats
did not even wait to put on his slippers. He went
(cycles) prayed by a married person are better
to ‘Uthman’s house and found him praying.
8
Surah Baqarah 2:222
9 11
Wasaelush Shia, vol. 14, p. 25 Wasaelush Shia, Vol. 14, p. 10
10 12
Wasaelush Shia, Vol. 14, p. 4 Wasaelush Shia, Vol. 14, p. 5
Islamic Marriage 63 64 Islamic
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than the night-vigil and the fast of a single

person.” 13
A woman came to the Prophet (s.a.) and
WHEN MUST WE MARRY?
said that she had tried everything to attract her
husband but in vain; he does not leave his
The proper time and age of marrying is
meditation to pay any attention to her.
when the individual reaches sexual as well as
The Prophet (s.a.) told her to inform her mental maturity. Mental maturity may mean the
husband about the reward of sexual intercourse capability of establishing a cordial family life
which he described as follows: “When a man and the ability to fulfll rights of family
approaches his wife, he is guarded by two members.
angels and [at that moment in Allah’s views] he
The need of a spouse and family is a natural
is like a warrior fighting for the cause of Allah.
and instinctive need which Allah through His
When he has intercourse with her, his sins fall
Wisdom has placed in human beings and is
like the leaves of the tree [in fall season]. When
awakened at its particular time and season, and
he performs the major ablution, he is cleansed
makes its demand. If it is answered on time and
from sins.” 14
its requirement fulflled, it traverses its natural
F. Marriage increases Sustenance course and makes the person perfect. If it is
delayed or answered in an incorrect and
The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.s.) remarked, “Give unnatural mode, it deviates from its natural
spouses to your single ones, because Allah course, and insurges and rebels, and not only
makes their morality better (improves it) (under becomes corrupt itself, but also corrupts the
the shadow of marriage) and expands their man.
sustenance and increases their generosity
(human values).” 15 Who is eligible to marry?
For man to become eligible for taking a
woman’s hand in marriage, Islam has several
recommendations. According to Islamic laws,
when a boy attains the age of ffteen, or
13
Wasaelush Shia, Vol. 14, p. 7 becomes sexually potent, he is baligh, and has
14
Wasaelush Shia, Vol. 14, p. 74
15
Nawadir al Rawandi, p. 36
Islamic Marriage 63 64 Islamic
Marriage

attained puberty. But this is not enough for

entering into a contract of marriage.
Apart from the laws related to puberty,
SELECTION OF SPOUSE
there is a concept of Rushd16 which can be
translated as ‘capability of a sensible conduct’
Now that we have seen how much
or maturity. A husband has to be Rashid and a
importance Islam has accorded to marriage and
wife Rashidah; so that the responsibilities of
marital life you would perhaps ask, “How do we
married life are sensibly discharged.
select a spouse? What are the guidelines
Books of Islamic law may be referred to for provided by Islam in this regard? Do we look for
exact details on physical and mental maturity. some particular characteristics or just try to get
the best from the worldly point of view?”
Recommendation for Early Marriage
Are Pre-Marital contacts Necessary?
Islam highly recommends an early marriage.
Even those who feel they would not be able to Ali Akber Mazaheri writes:
bear the expenses of family are urged to repose
“The notion that a man and a woman must
faith in Allah, as He is the Giver of Sustenance
‘know’ each other before they decide to marry,
(Rizq), and go for an early marriage.
so that they may then be able to live happily
together is an illusion. Had there been any
element of truth and validity in this, the divorce
and separation rates in societies which practice
it would not have shown a steady rise. Similarly,
the marriages which take place without such
pre-marital contacts would not have been
known to last happily.”17
The Shariah permits the intended spouses
to see each other for the purpose of selection
and also permits asking and giving opinions if
asked (without it being considered as gheebat
16
under certain conditions.)
Youth and Spouse Selection, Ali Akbar Mazaheri,
17
Ansariyan Publication, p. 34 Youth and Spouse Selection, Ali Akber Mazaheri
Islamic Marriage 63 64 Islamic
Marriage

We should never resort to deceive the marries her for the sake of her faith
opposite party or conceal a defect during the (religiousness).” 20
selection process. Such things can have serious
ramifcations if exposed after marriage
B. Good Nature
The next important criterion is good nature.
The school of Ahle-Bait (a.s.) has not left us
to follow our whims and fancies. We have been Imam Reza (a.s.) wrote in reply to a person
taught the best method of selecting a suitable who had asked him if it was advisable to marry
spouse. The most important criterion is piety or his daughter to a person known for his ill nature,
religiousness. “If he is ill-natured (bad tempered), don’t marry
your daughter to him.” 21
A. Religiousness
The same will apply where the bride-to-be
The author of Youth and Spouse Selection
lacks a good nature. Such a woman, though she
says, “The person who does not have religion,
may be beautiful and rich, would make the life
does not have anything.”18
of her husband miserable. She can never be
When a man came to the Prophet (s.a.) to patient in the difficulties that arise in married
seek guidance for selecting a spouse. He life.
(s.a.w.s.) said, “It is binding upon you to have a
religious spouse.” 19
C. Compatibility
The Prophet (s.a.) gave no recognition to
Knowing the human weakness for beauty
class distinction, but in marriage, he stressed
and wealth, the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.s.)
upon compatibility. The marrying partners must
has forewarned, “A man who marries a woman
be Kufw of each other, so that there are no
for the sake of her wealth, Allah leaves him in
unnecessary misgivings later. 22 It is better for a
his own condition, and one who marries her
religious woman who is committed to laws and
(only) for her beauty, will find in her (things)
principles to marry a man like herself.
which he dislikes (unpleasing manners) and
Allah will gather up all these things for one who A man questioned the Prophet of Islam
(s.a.w.s.), “Whom must we marry?”

20
18
Youth and Spouse Selection, Ali Akbar Mazaheri, Wasaelush Shia, Vol. 14, p. 31
21
Ansariyan Publication Youth and Spouse Selection, Ali Akbar Mazaheri, p. 151
19 22
Wasaelush Shia, Vol. 14, p. 30 Youth and Spouse Selection, Ali Akbar Mazaheri, p. 34
Islamic Marriage 63 64 Islamic
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He replied, “The suitable (matches).” E. Reason

“Who are the suitable matches?” The Commander of the Faithful, ‘Ali (a.s.)
The Prophet (s.a.) responded, “Some of the strongly forbade marrying a foolish and insane
faithfuls are match for others.” 23 person. “Avoid marrying a stupid woman, since
her company is a woe (distress) and her
Imam Sadiq (a.s.) said, “An intelligent and children too get wasted.” 27
wise woman must not be matched except with a
sage and wise man.” 24 F. Physical and Mental Health
D. Decent Family Though religiousness and piety are most
important, it does not mean that we totally
The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.s.) has given disregard the physical appearance and beauty
great emphasis on taking into consideration a of the prospective spouse.
good family background when we intend to
marry. The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.s.) says, “When one
intends to marry a woman, he should ask about
He said, “Marry in the lap of a decent her hair, just as he asks about her face
family, since the semen and the genes have (beauty), since the hair is one of the two
effect.” 25 beauties (of women).” 28
The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.s.) also said, “Look G. Whom can you Marry?
very carefully and minutely as to where you are
placing your child because genes and “Islamic law has placed certain restrictions
hereditary qualities are transferred in a on the choice of your spouse depending upon
concealed and unintentional way and have their blood relationships and religious affiliations.”
effect.” 26 Maulana Sayyid Muhammad Rizvi has
summarized these laws in a beautiful way:
(a) Restrictions based on Relationship
There are certain blood relations which are
23 considered haraam for you as far as marriage is
Youth and Spouse Selection, Ali Akbar Mazaheri, p. 175
24
Youth and Spouse Selection, Ali Akbar Mazaheri, p. 178
25 27
Makaremul Akhlaq Wasaelush Shia, Vol. 14, p. 56
26 28
Youth and Spouse Selection, Ali Akbar Mazaheri, p. 154 Beharul Anwaar, Vol. 103, p. 237
Islamic Marriage 63 64 Islamic
Marriage

concerned. (As a general rule, anyone who is (c) Cousin Marriages

your mahram is forbidden to you for marriage.)
Though Shariah does not forbid marriage
The list of such relatives is given in the Qur’an
between frst cousins, but there are opinions
as follows:
advocating against them mainly due to a
For Man: mother, daughter, paternal aunt, probable risk of the offspring inheriting genetic
maternal aunt, niece, foster-mother, foster- defects/diseases.
sister, mother-in-law, step-daughter, daughter-
in-law, all married women, sister-in-law (as a
2nd wife) (See the Qur’an, ch. 4, verse 23-24)
For Woman: father, son, paternal uncle,
maternal uncle, nephew, foster-mother’s
husband, foster-brother, father-in-law, stepson,
son-in-law.
(b) Restrictions based on Religion
A Shi’ah Muslim man can marry: a Shi’ah
Muslim woman and a non-Shi’ah Muslim woman.
However, if there is danger of being misled,
then it is haraam.
He can also marry a Jewish or Christian
woman in mut’a only. But he cannot marry a
woman of any other faith.
A Shi’ah Muslim woman can marry: a Shi’ah
Muslim man or a non-Shi’ah Muslim man,
although it is better not to do so; and if there is
danger of being misled, then it is haraam. But
she cannot marry a non-Muslim man. 29

29
Marriage and Morals in Islam, Sayyid Muhammad Rizvi
Islamic Marriage 63 64 Islamic
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the breaking of coconut etc. also do not feature

among the Islamic rituals. All actions, customs
etc. which show disrespect to Islam or weaken
THE MARRIAGE CEREMONY the importance of Islam have to be avoided.
4. Haraam Acts
Some relevant points to be noted are:
Some of the rituals in marriage ceremonies
1. Engagement or Mangni does not qualify the
are absolutely haraam like the playing of music.
future spouses to go out together, even if the
It is also haram for ladies to go for mixed
parents consent. Man and woman become
gatherings without proper hijab. Such things
permissible for each other only after the
invite divine wrath and take away the blessings
performance of Nikah.
of this auspicious occasion.
In the Islamic Law, marriage is an ‘aqd, a
2. Dowry
contract. The components of this contract are as
The unislamic system of demanding and follows:
accepting dowry must be avoided at all costs.
Shariah does not make any expense incumbent A. Proposal
on the bride/bride’s parents. Even the marriage In Islam the process of proposal by a man to
expenses, it is recommended are to be borne by a woman for her hand in marriage, or for that
the bridegroom. matter, to her family, is encouraged. Islam
However, the bride can bring whatever she considers this natural, and recommends it as an
wants of her free will, and it will always belong act of respectability and dignity for women.
to her.
B. Mahr
3. Other Unislamic Customs
And the intending husband is asked to offer
Many other unislamic customs have crept a Mahr to the bride.
into the marriage ceremony of some Muslims.
These customs are either borrowed from non- The Quran says, And give women their
Muslim cultures or continue because they are Mahr as a free gift, but if they of
established in past generations. One must avoid themselves be pleased to give up to you a
them if they are against the Shariah, even if
some people are displeased. Other customs like
Islamic Marriage 63 64 Islamic
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portion of it, then eat it with enjoyment “I have accepted the Nikah.”
and with wholesome result. 30
With these pronouncements, they become
The following points are worthy of husband and wife.
consideration:
If the marrying partners are not able to
a) Mahr must be agreed upon by the recite the formula in Arabic, one or two persons
marrying partners themselves, not by parents. or priests32 are appointed and authorized to
officiate. One who represents the bride would
b) Mahr is her right, to which her husband
frst seek her explicit consent to officiate on her
remains indebted.
behalf, and so would the other who acts on
c) It is a free gift and not her price. behalf of the groom. Naturally, there would be a
The Mahr may be cash, kind or non-material slight variation in the pronouncements, because
(like training or teaching something). It can be the persons reciting them are appointees. A
paid up front or can be in form of promise to pay person who represents the bride would initiate
upon demands decided prior to the by saying, “Ankah’tu muwakkilati muwakkilaka
solemnization of marriage.31 Moajjal a’lal mah’ril ma’loom.”
(immediate), Muwajjal and Indat-talab (on “I give away in Nikah the woman who has
demand). thus appointed and authorized me, to the man
However, it is much recommended to pay it who has authorized you, on an agreed Mahr.”
before or at the time of Nikah itself. The groom’s representative would respond,
“Qabiltunnikaaha limuwakkili a’lal mah’ril
C. The Nikah Ceremony
ma’loom.”
According to Shariah, the wife-to-be says,
“I accept the Nikah on behalf of the one who
‘An Kah’tu nafsaka a’lal mah’ril ma’loom’
has appointed me, on the agreed Mahr.”
“I have given away myself in Nikah to you,
It is mustahab to recite a brief discourse or
on the agreed Mahr.”
Khutba before the Nikah formula is enunciated.
Immediately, the man (bridegroom) says, In this Khutba, Allah is praised for His Wisdom in
‘Qabiltun Nikaha’. regulating the lawful process of procreation, and
30
Surah Nisa 4:4 32
Aalim, Maulana or those who are conversant with the
31
Marriage and Morals in Islam, Sayyid Muhammad Rizvi correct Nikah procedure and proper Arabic pronunciation.
Islamic Marriage 63 64 Islamic
Marriage

then the traditions from the Prophet (s.a.) are Muharram and the 8th of Rabi al-Awwal as this
also recited. period includes the mourning days of Muharram
culminating in the martyrdom of Imam Askari
D. Time of Marriage Ceremony (a.s.). The 9th Rabi al-Awwal is celebrated as Eid-
Though basically marriage is allowed at all e-Zahra.
times, there are some days on which marriage is
If there is a need, however, Nikah, can be
not recommended; some of these are based on
performed at any time.
ahadith and some on cultural, historical reasons.
E. Permission of the Bride-to-be/Father
Generally, we can categorize these days
into three: (a) There are some ahadith which say The girl’s consent is necessary and has to
that it is makruh (not recommended) to have a be taken by her representative, directly.
marriage ceremony on the days when the moon
In case of a virgin/spinster the father’s or
is in the constellation of Scorpio (this is known
the grandfather’s permission is also necessary.
as al-qamar fil aqrab or qamar dar aqrab),
However if the permission is unreasonably
during the last two or three days of the lunar
withheld under some conditions or the girl has
months, and on Wednesdays. (b) There are
no father/paternal grandfather it is not
certain days of the Islamic calendar which have
necessary.
become associated with the early events of the
Islamic history; for example, the 10th of However, a woman who is not a virgin, does
Muharram is the day of mourning for the not require any permission in case of
massacre at Karbala or the day of the Prophet’s remarriage.
death in Safar, etc. Since such days are
F. Valima (Dinner)
commemorated by the Muslims as days of
mourning, it is socially and, to some extent, Valima is highly recommended on the
religiously not recommended to have a groom. The relatives, neighbours and friends
marriage ceremony on such days.33 must be invited for Valima. However, lavish
spending is not advisable especially when the
The Shia Ithna Ashari (Twelver Shias),
same money can be used effectively by the
especially in India and Pakistan, rarely perform
couple.
marriage ceremony between the 1 st of

33
Marriage and Morals in Islam, Sayyid Muhammad Rizvi
Islamic Marriage 63 64 Islamic
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surely You like lawful things and dislike unlawful

things.
Then he should ask the bride to do wuzu
THE WEDDING NIGHT
and pray two rak’at sunnat prayer.
It is highly recommended that the wedding When they are ready to go to bed, the
should take place at night. The hadith says, groom should put his hand on the bride’s
“Take the bride to her new home during the forehead and pray the following du’a while
night.” 34 facing the qiblah.
When the bride enters the room, the groom ‫ضهيَ ا ن ن‬ ‫ن‬ ‫الَ لهمم بناَاماَناتنك اخىذتهههاَ و بناكنلماَتن ن‬
‫ت لَهىى م ىنهاهههاَ الَواهددا فاهاَىجاعىلهه‬ ‫ك اىستاىحلاىلتههاهاَ فاهاَىن قا ا ى‬
‫ه ا ا ا ا ا ا ا‬
is recommended to take off her shoes and wash ‫شىيَاطاَنن نفىيَنه نشردكاَ مو لا نا ن‬ ‫م‬ ‫مباَردكاَ تانقييَاَ من نشيَهعنة آنل محممعد مو لا تاجعل ن‬.
َ‫صىيَدبا‬ ‫ى‬ ‫لَل‬ ‫ىا ى‬ ‫ها‬ ‫ى ىا‬ ‫ها ا‬
her feet (in a washbowl) and then sprinkle the
water around the room. Allahumma bi amaanatika akhadhtuha wa bi
Then he should perform wuzu and pray two kalimaatika is-tah’laltuha. Fa in qaz”ayta li
rak’at sunnat prayer and then recite the minha waladan, faj-’alhu mubaarakan taqiyyan
following du’a: min Shi’ati Aal-i Muh’ammad (s’al-lal-laahu
a’layhi wa aalihi wa sallam) wa laa taj-’al lish
‫ضه هننىى بناهههاَ او اىجامه هىع باهيَىهناهناههاَ بناَاىحاسه هنن‬
‫ضههاَاهاَبنى و ار ن‬ ‫ن ن‬
‫الَ لههه همم اىرهزقىنه هىى لَاىافاهههاَ او هومداهههاَ او نر ا ى ا ى‬ Shayt’aani fhi shirkan wa laa naseeba.
‫ك تهنح ب‬ ‫ف فاناَنم ا‬‫س انيتنلا ع‬ ‫ن‬
‫ب لَاىاحلاال او تهىكنرهه لَاىاحاراام‬ ‫اىجتناماَعع او انا ن ى‬. O Allah! I have taken her as Your trust and
have made her lawful for myself by Your words.
Allahummar zuqni ilfahaa wa wuddaha wa
Therefore, if You have decreed for me a child
riz”aaha bi; warz”ini biha, wa-ajma’ baynana bi
from her, then make him/her blessed and pious
ah’sane ijtimaa’in wa anasi i-tilafn; fa innaka
from among the followers of the Family of
tuh’ibbul h’alaala wa tukrihul h’araam.
Muhammad [peace be upon him and them]; and
O Allah! Bless me with her affection, love do not let Satan have any part in him/her. 35
and her acceptance of me; and make me
Is it necessary to have sexual intercourse on
pleased with her, and bring us together in the
the very frst night after the wedding or can it
best form of a union and in absolute harmony;
be delayed? As far as the Shariah is concerned,
it is neither obligatory nor forbidden to have sex
34 35
Wasaelush Shia, vol. 14, p. 62 Al-’Urwah. p. 624.
Islamic Marriage 63 64 Islamic
Marriage

on the frst night. It is a private decision

between the newly wed couple; it has nothing to
do with others.
DAYS AND TIMES FOR SEX

A. When is Sex Forbidden?

Islam has forbidden sexual intercourse
during menstruation.
The Qur’an says: They ask you about
menstruation. Say: “Menstruation is a
discomfort (for women). Do not establish
sexual relations with them during the
menses and do not approach them
(sexually) until the blood stops. Then
when they have cleansed themselves, you
go into them as Allah has commanded
you.” 36
According to the Shariah, the duration of the
monthly period is between three to ten days. If
the bleeding was for less than three days, it is
not menstruation; if it is for more than ten days,
then it is menstruation for the regular number of
days and istehadha for the rest of the bleeding
during which sex is permitted.
The prohibition of sex during the periods is
limited strictly to sexual intercourse; other
intimate contact (with the exception of the
vagina and anus) is allowed. However, it is

36
Surah Baqarah 2:222
Islamic Marriage 63 64 Islamic
Marriage

better not to play with her body between the iv. Eve of the 15th of every lunar month;
navel and the knees.
v. Eve of 10th Zil-hijjah;
If a person who is engaged in sexual
vii. After becoming junub.
intercourse with his wife discovers that her
period has begun, then he should immediately B. Recommended Days and Times for
withdraw from her. Sex
It is clear from the verse mentioned above We have certain ahadith which say that it is
(until the blood stops) that once the blood has better to have sexual intercourse at these
stopped, intercourse becomes lawful even if the times:
woman has not performed the major ritual
ablution (ghusl). But mujtahids say that it is i. Sunday night;
better to refrain from intercourse till she ii. Monday night;
performs the ghusl or, at least, washes her
iii. Wednesday night;
private parts.37
iv. Thursday noon;
Sexual intercourse is also not allowed during
the post-natal bleeding called nifas (maximum v. Thursday night;
10 days), during daytime in the month of
vi. Friday evening;
Ramadhan, and when a person is in ihram
during the pilgrimage to Mecca. At all other vii. Whenever the wife wants to have sex.
times, sexual intercourse is allowed.
C. When is it Obligatory to have Sex?
Times when Sexual Intercourse is makruh:
It is wajib on man to have sex with his wife
i. During frightful natural occurrences, e.g., at least once in every four months; this is
eclipse, hurricane, earthquake; considered as one of the conjugal rights of the
wife. This obligation stays in force unless there
ii. From sunset till maghrib;
is a valid excuse or the wife waives her right.
ii. From dawn till sunrise;
iii. The last three nights of lunar months;

37
Wasaelush Shia, vol. 1, p. 576
Islamic Marriage 63 64 Islamic
Marriage

like birds; instead he should be slow and

delaying.” 40
SEXUAL TECHNIQUES
As for the role of a woman in sexual
foreplay, the Imams have praised a wife who
There are no particular rules and laws either
discards shyness when she is with her husband.
in foreplay or in intercourse. The only laws and
Imam Muhammad al-Baqir (a.s.) says, “The best
rules are the ones reached by the lovers by
woman among you is the one who discards the
mutual and often unspoken understanding.
armor of shyness when she undresses for her
Whatever is pleasing and satisfying to both the
husband, and puts on the armor of shyness
husband and the wife is right and proper; and
when she dresses up again.” 41 After all,
whatever is mutually displeasing is wrong. The
modesty and chastity in public is the hallmark of
only limitation to this general rule would be any
a Muslim lady.
Shariah rule which goes against the wishes of
the husband or the wife. These sayings clearly show that the
husband and the wife should feel completely
A. Foreplay is Highly Recommended
free when they are engaged in mutual
Islam emphasizes on foreplay. Imam ‘Ali stimulation which is known as foreplay. There is
says, “When you intend to have sex with your nothing wrong, according to Islam, for a woman
wife, do not rush because the woman (also) has to be active and responsive during sex. As for
needs (which should be fulfilled).” 38 the Islamic Shariah, all the mujtahids are
unanimous in saying that the act of sexual
Sex without foreplay has been equated to
foreplay in itself is mustahab (recommended).
cruelty. The Prophet said, “Three people are
Likewise, it is recommended not to rush into
cruel: …a person who has sex with his wife
sexual intercourse.42 The operative word is
before foreplay.” 39
mutual pleasure and satisfaction.
Another hadith equates sex without foreplay
to animal behavior: “When anyone of you has B. Techniques of Foreplay
sex with his wife, then he should not go to her As far as the methods of mutual stimulation
in foreplay are concerned, the Shariah allows
40
Wasaelush Shia, vol. 14, p. 82
38 41
Wasaelush Shia, vol. 14, p. 40 Wasaelush Shia, vol. 14, p. 14-15
39 42
Wasaelush Shia, vol. 14, p. 40 Al-’Urwah, p. 625
Islamic Marriage 63 64 Islamic
Marriage

the husband and the wife to see, kiss, touch, vagina till orgasm. This is allowed because it
smell and stimulate any part of each other’s does not come under “self-stimulation;” it is
body. Therefore, oral sex, as it is known, is stimulation by a lawful partner.
allowed. Imam Musa al-Kazim (a.s.) was once
asked, “Can a person kiss his wife’s vagina?”
C. Sexual Intercourse
The Imam said, “No problem.” 43 Is there any particular position for sexual
intercourse which is forbidden in Islam? No! As
The only restriction is that no foreign object
far as the basic coital positions are concerned,
should be used. The restriction on the use of
there are no restrictions. The term ‘basic coital
foreign objects is based on the following hadith.
positions’ denotes the positions known as the
‘Ubaydullah bin Zurarah says that he had an old
man above, face to face, woman above face to
neighbour who owned a young slave-girl.
face; side position, face to face; rear-entry
Because of his old age, he could not fully satisfy
position in which the husband penetrates the
the young slave-girl during sexual intercourse.
vagina from the rear. Actually, the Shariah has
She would therefore ask him to place his fngers
left it on the husband and the wife to explore
in her vagina as she liked it. The old man
and experiment as they wish.
complied with her wishes even though he did
not like this idea. So he requested ‘Ubaydullah However, it is makruh to adopt a standing
to ask Imam ‘Ali ar-Reza (a.s.) about it. When position, or to face the qiblah or keep it on the
‘Ubaydullah asked the Imam about it, the Imam backside during the intercourse. It is advisable
said, “There is no problem as long as he uses to refrain from the acrobatic positions given by
any part of his own body upon her, but he some sexologists of the East and the West which
should not use anything other than his body on might even cause physical harm. Remember,
her.” 44 the basic rule is mutual pleasure and flexibility.
If one partner does not like a particular position,
Though masturbation (i.e., self-stimulation
then the other should yield to his or her
of one’s own sexual organ till emission of semen
feelings.
or orgasm) is not allowed, in the case of married
persons, there is no problem if the wife It is highly emphasized that at the
stimulates her husband’s penis till the emission commencement of intercourse the partners
of semen or the husband stimulates his wife’s should recite Bismillaahir Rah’maanir Rah’eem
43 (In the name of Allah the Benefcent, the
Wasaelush Shia, vol. 14, p. 77
44
Wasaelush Shia, vol. 14, p. 77 Merciful).
Islamic Marriage 63 64 Islamic
Marriage

D. Anal Intercourse is recommended that the same cloth/towel must

not be used by both of them.
The opinions of our mujtahids vary on the
permissibility of anal intercourse. The majority
of the Shi’ah mujtahids have derived two
conclusions: (1) that anal intercourse is not
haraam but strongly disliked (karahatan
shadidah) provided the wife agrees to it. (2) and
if she does not agree to it, then all mujtahids
say that it is precautionarily wajib to refrain
from it.
However, during the last decade of his life,
Ayatullah al-Khu’i departed from the majority
view and gave the ruling that it was
precautionarily wajib to abstain from anal
intercourse no matter whether the wife agrees
to it or not.45
Maulana Sayyid Muhammad Rizvi says, “I
would strongly advise against anal intercourse,”
and quotes the saying of Imam Ja’far as-Sadiq
and Imam ‘Ali ar-Reza (a.s.) about anal
intercourse: “Woman is a means of your
pleasure, therefore do not harm her.” 46
E. Hygiene
After the intercourse the partners may frst
wipe their genitals with clean pieces of cloth. It

45
al-Khu’i, Minhaju ‘s-Salihiyn, vol. 1 (Beirut: 22nd edition)
p. 64
46
Wasaelush Shia, vol. 14, p. 101-102
Islamic Marriage 63 64 Islamic
Marriage

DUA FOR PREGNANCY fee s’idqil h’adeethe adaaail amaanate wa

waqaaain bil ‘ahde
Imam Ja’far as-Sadiq (a.s.) has taught the
following dua: Translation: O Allah! Do not keep me solitary
though You are the best of Inheritors. I am alone
and terrifed of loneliness. This worry has
‫بمسسمم الم الرسحمن الرمحسيمم‬ reduced my thankfulness to You. So bestow on
me true forgiveness and give me female and
ً‫ي اومحسي تجدا رو اوسحمش تييا‬ ‫م‬
‫خيت تهر الس تاوامرث س ا‬
‫ت اس‬ ‫ن فات تسرجدا رو انست ا‬ ‫م‬
‫االلهه ترم لا تَاتاذسر س‬
male children so that by their company I can
cure my terror of loneliness. By which my
ً‫ب م سل ت اعاًفمياتةا مص تسدقق ذههك تجرا رو اهاناًثتجتا‬ ‫ص تهر اع تسن تَاتافكك تمرسي باتسل اه ت س‬ ‫فاتياتسق ه‬
loneliness is cured. So that on the completion of
this bounty I can thank You. O the greatest
‫س مبمسم ممان الساوسحاشتمة او اسستهكهن املاسيمهتسم ممتان الساوسحتادةم او اسشتهكهراك‬ ‫انا ه‬
Giver, O the Greatest, O the Bestower of
greatness, after this bestow me with tawfeeq
‫ب اياً اعمظسيهم اياً هماعظرهم هثر اسعطم م سن م سفت هكتنل‬ ‫م م ق‬
‫عسناد اتااًم تنسعامة اياً اورهاً ه‬
that I thank You for every kindness. Till I can
achieve Your kindness by thankfulness, by
‫ث او‬ ‫ك مفت مصتسدمق اسلتمدي م‬ ‫م‬
‫اعاًقباقة هشسكجرا احلت تَاستبتلهغام سن ممسنتاهاً مر س‬
speaking the truth, by returning trusts and by
‫ا س‬ ‫ضاوانه ا س‬ fulflling oaths.47

‫اادامء اسلااماًنامة او اوافاًقء مباًلساعسهمد‬

Transliteration:

Allaahumma laa tadharni fardanw wa anta

khairul waaretheen wah’eedanw wah’sheeyan
fayaqs’uroo a’n tafakkori bal habli a’afyata
s’idqin dhokooranw wa onaathan aanaso behim
minal wah’shate wa askuno ilaihim minal
wah’date wa ashkoroka I’nda tamaame
ne’matin yaa wahhaabo yaa a’zeemo yaa mo-
a’z’z’amo thumma a’at’eni fee kulle a’afyatin
shukran h’atta tabloghani minha riz”waanoka
47
Tahzeebul Islam, p.147
Islamic Marriage 63 64 Islamic
Marriage

consult the physician about possible side-

effects.
The pills like the ‘morning-after’ and RU486
may be taken after the intercourse BUT not after
CONTRACEPTIVES AND ABORTION
feeling or knowing that pregnancy has already
occurred.
According to the Shi’ah fiqh, family planning
as a private measure to space or regulate the 2. Depo-Provera
family size for health or economic reasons is
permissible. Neither is there any Qur’anic verse Depo-Provera works exactly like the pills,
or hadith against birth control, nor is it wajib to but instead of taking it orally it is injected once
have children in marriage. every three months. This and other similar
contraceptive methods by injection are also
A. THE CONTRACEPTIVE METHODS permissible.
3. Intrauterine Devices (IUD)
Let us examine some of the most commonly
used contraceptive methods and determine IUDs are plastic or metal objects, in a
whether they are permissible in Islam or not. It variety of shapes, that are implanted inside the
must be mentioned that we are studying the uterus. Since the shari’ pregnancy begins at
permissibility of these methods from the implantation, there is no problem in using IUD
Shariah point of view only. For the medical as a birth control device.
opinion about the reliability or any side-effects
4. Barrier Devices
of these methods, the reader must consult his
or her physician. Further each individual needs All barrier devices prevent the sperm from
to check additional conditions which may apply entering the uterus. This is done by sheathing
as per his Marja’a. the penis with a condom, or by covering the
cervix with a diaphragm, cervical cap, or vaginal
1. Oral Contraceptives sponge. The use of spermicidal substances
which kill the sperm before reaching the ovum is
Birth control pills prevent conception by also a barrier device. There is absolutely no
inhibiting ovulation. Since all such pills inhibit problem in using these contraceptives either.
ovulation, there is absolutely no problem in
using them. However, the individual must
Islamic Marriage 63 64 Islamic
Marriage

5. Abstinence During Fertile Period Sadiq (a.s.) about withdrawal. The Imam said,
“It is up to the man; he may spill it wherever he
There are three basic procedures to predict
wants.” 48
ovulation so that sexual intercourse can be
avoided during the approximately six days of a Based on this hadith, the majority of our
woman’s most fertile monthly phase. These mujtahids believe that coitus interruptus is
three methods are as follows: allowed but makruh without the wife’s
consent.49
(a) Ovulation Method: A woman learns to
recognize the fertile time by checking the All methods mentioned above do not involve
difference in the constitution of the cervical surgical operation and they are also reversible.
mucus discharge. The cervical mucus discharge A woman (or man) using these methods can
signals the highly fertile period; and thus stop using them at anytime in order to have a
avoiding sex during the fertile days prevents child.
pregnancy.
7. Sterilization
(b) Rhythm Method: A method similar
Sterilization involves surgical operation.
to the frst, but it depends on observing the
monthly cycles for a whole year to determine Sterilization in men, known as vasectomy,
the fertile days. means the severing or blocking of the tube in
the male reproductive tract. This tube or duct
(c) Temperature: In this method, besides
passes sperm from the testes to the prostate
keeping a calendar record of her cycle, a woman
and other reproductive organs.
also takes her temperature daily to detect
ovulation. She can know her ovulation whenever Sterilization in women, known as tubal
her basal body temperature increases. ligation, involves the blocking or severing of the
fallopian tubes which transport the ovum.
6. Withdrawal (Coitus Interruptus)
The permissibility of sterilization depends on
Coitus interruptus means withdrawing the whether or not it is reversible.
penis just before ejaculation. This was the most
common method of birth control before the
invention of modern devices. 48
Wasaelush Shia, vol. 14, p. 105
Muhammad bin Muslim and ‘Abdur Rahman bin 49
Sharh Lum’a, vol. 2, p. 28; al-’Urwah, p. 628; Minhaj, vol.
Abi ‘Abdillah Maymun asked Imam Ja’far as- 2, p. 267
Islamic Marriage 63 64 Islamic
Marriage

8. A Woman can Practice Birth Control

The wife has full right to the use of
contraceptives even without the approval of her THE MAJOR ABLUTION (GHUSL
husband.50 However, she should not use a
JANABAT)
method which may come in the way of her
husband’s conjugal rights. For example, she
A. INTRODUCTION
cannot force him to use condom or practice
coitus interruptus. This rule is based upon the “Janabat” is a ritual impurity caused by the
principle that the extent of the husband’s discharge of semen or by sexual intercourse;
conjugal rights over his wife is just that she and the person on whom ghusl janabat becomes
should be sexually available, responsive, and wajib is known as “junub”. The Qur’an says:
cooperative. This right does not extend to that O you who believe! Do not go near
of bearing children for him. Bearing children or prayers (salat) when you are... junub until
not is a personal decision of the woman; and you have washed yourselves.51 O you who
therefore, she may use contraceptives provided believe! When you stand up for prayers
they do not come in the way of her husband’s (salat), . . . if you are junub, then purify
conjugal rights. (yourselves).52
B. ABORTION B. THE CAUSES OF GHUSL JANABAT
Islam’s approach to the issue of birth control There are two causes of janabat:
and abortion is very balanced. It allows women
to prevent pregnancy but forbids them to 1. Discharge of semen. It does not make
terminate it. Abortion after the implantation of any difference whether this discharge is while
the fertilized ovum in the womb is absolutely awake or in a wet-dream, slight or profuse,
forbidden and is considered a crime against the intentionally or otherwise, in lawful way or
law of God, and the fetus. unlawful (e.g., masturbation). In all these cases
ghusl janabat becomes obligatory (wajib).
If a liquid comes out from a man and he does
not know whether or not it is semen, then he
51
Surah Nisa 4:43
50 52
Minhaj, vol. 2, p. 276 Surah Maidah 5:6
Islamic Marriage 63 64 Islamic
Marriage

should look for the following three signs: (1) Prophet, the Imams and Fatimah (the daughter
emission with passion; (2) spurting discharge; of the Prophet).
(3) feeling relaxed after the discharge. If these
2. Reciting the verses of the Qur’an in
signs are found together on him, then he should
which sajdah (prostration) is wajib. These verses
consider the liquid as semen, otherwise not.
are: verse 15 of chapter 32; verse 15 of chapter
If a secretion is discharged from a woman, 41; verse 62 of chapter 53; and verse 19 of
then it is precautionary wajib for her to do ghusl chapter 96. It is better not to recite even a
janabat provided it came with sexual passion single verse from these chapters.
and she felt relaxed after it. But if the secretion
3. Entering or staying in the mosque. The
comes without the sexual passion or without the
Qur’an says, “O you who believe!...Nor (are
feeling of relaxation after the discharge, then it
you allowed to enter the masjid) if you are
is not najis and therefore ghusl is not wajib upon
junub until you have washed yourself
her.
except passing through.” 53 Based on this
2. Sexual Intercourse. It does not make verse and relevant ahadith, the mujtahids have
any difference whether the intercourse was concluded that a junub is totally forbidden from
lawful or unlawful, and with or without discharge staying in the mosque.
of semen. In Islamic laws, sexual intercourse is
Of course, as the verse says, one can pass
defned as the penetration of the glans into the
through the mosques (by entering from one
vagina or anus of the woman. That is, for ghusl
door and leaving from the other). However, this
janabat to become wajib it is not necessary that
exception of passing through does not apply to
full penetration or discharge of semen should
the following places: the Masjidu’l-Haraam (the
take place. In case of sexual intercourse, ghusl
Sacred Mosque at Mecca) Masjidu’ n-Nabi (the
janabat becomes wajib on both the man and the
Mosque of the Prophet at Medina), and shrines
woman.
of the Imams. A junub cannot even pass through
C. THINGS FORBIDDEN FOR A JUNUB them.
The following four acts are haraam for the 4. Leaving something in or taking it out
junub before performing the ghusl. from a mosque.
1. Touching the writing of the Qur’an, the
names and attributes of Allah, the names of the
53
Surah Nisa 4:43
Islamic Marriage 63 64 Islamic
Marriage

D. THINGS MAKRUH (DISLIKED) FOR 1. Ghusl Tartibi:

THE JUNUB “Ghusl tartibi” means an ordinal bath,
1. Eating and drinking is makruh for a junub performed in three stages.
except after doing wuzu or gargling or rinsing After washing away the najasat (e.g., semen
the nose. or blood) from the body and after niyyat, the
2. Reciting more than seven verses from the body has to be washed in three stages: First,
Qur’an. This applies to other than the four head down to the neck; then the right side of
chapters with wajib sajdah mentioned above. the body from the shoulder down to the foot;
and lastly, the left side of the body.
3. Touching the cover of the Qur’an.
Each part should be washed thoroughly in such
4. Sleeping without doing wuzu. a way that the water reaches the skin. Special
care should be taken while washing the head;
E. THE ACTS WHOSE VALIDITY DEPEND the hair should be combed (e.g., with your
ON GHUSL JANABAT fngers) so that water reaches the hair-roots.
1. Salat (prayers) except salatu’l-mayyit (the While washing the right side of the body, some
prayer for a dead Muslim) which can be part of the left side must be washed too, and
performed even in the state of janabat. also, while washing the left side of the body,
some part of the right side must be washed.
2. Wajib tawaf (the circumambulation of the
Ka’bah in hajj). 2. Ghusl Irtimasi:
3. Fasting. If someone knowingly remains “Ghusl irtimasi” means a bath involving
junub until dawn in Ramadan, his fasting will immersion of the whole body in the water. It is
become invalid (batil). needless to say that such a ghusl can only be
done in a body of water, e.g., a pool, river, lake
F. MANNER OF PERFORMING GHUSL or sea.
Ghusl is a ritual bath; it involves washing of After washing away the semen or blood
the whole body. There are two methods of from the body and after niyyat, the whole body
performing ghusl. One is known as ghusl tartibi, should be completely immersed in the water all
and the other is known as ghusl irtimasi. at once, not gradually. One has to make sure
that the water reaches all parts of the body,
Islamic Marriage 63 64 Islamic
Marriage

including hair and the skin under it.

However, ghusl tartibi is preferred to ghusl
irtimasi.
MUTUAL RIGHTS AND BEHAVIOUR
G. RECOMMENDABLE ACTS OF GHUSL
These recommendable acts are fve: Remember that the bride has just left her
loved ones. She might be new to this place. So
1. Washing both hands upto the elbows she deserves consideration and a chance to
three times before the ghusl. adjust herself in the new environment.
2. Gargling three times. Mulla Mohsin Faiz Kashani in his book, Al
3. Wiping the hands on the whole body to Waafi in the chapter of “A Woman’s right over
ensure that every part has been thoroughly her Husband” writes that it is narrated from the
washed. Holy Prophet (s.a.w.s.) that some people
inquired from him regarding the rights of a wife
4. Combing the hair with the fngers to
over her husband. He (s.a.w.s.) answered, “He
ensure that the water reaches the hair-roots.
should overlook her minor faults and if she
5. (For men only) Doing istibra’ before ghusl commits a major mistake then he should forgive
janabat. Istibra’, in the present context, means her.” 54
“urinating.” The beneft of istibra’: If a liquid
Shahab Abdo Rabbeh relates that I asked
comes out of one’s penis after completing the
Imam Sadiq (a.s.) concerning the rights of a
ghusl, and he doubts whether it is semen or
woman over her husband. He (a.s.) answered,
urine, then should he repeat the ghusl or not? If
“He should fulfill all her basic necessities and
he had done istibra’ before the ghusl, then he
must not terrorise her by getting angry time
can assume that the liquid is urine he will not
and again. i.e. after fulfilling her needs, is kind
have to repeat the ghusl; he just has to do wuzu
and affectionate towards her, then I swear by
for his salat. But, on the other hand, if he had
Allah, he has fulfilled his wife’s rights.” 55
not done istibra’ before the ghusl, then he has
to assume that it is the remnant of semen and The importance of observing the rights of a
he will have to do the ghusl again. wife can be gauged from the hadith of the

54
A Gift for the Youth, Shabeeb Rizvi
55
Al Kafi, Quoted in A Gift for the Youth, Shabeeb Rizvi
Islamic Marriage 63 64 Islamic
Marriage

Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.s.) wherein he says, unkind to them and because their rights are
“The best among you is the one who observes being deprived they will desire his death.” 58
the rights of his wife in the best possible way
When Saad ibne Maaz, the great companion
and I am the best among you to observe the
of the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.s.) expired, he
rights of my wives.” 56
(s.a.w.s.) himself participated in the funeral
A. The Importance of Helping one’s procession and shouldered his bier quite a few
wife at home times with considerable respect. Then he laid it
in the grave and buried him with his own hands.
One day the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.s.) On seeing the zeal of the Prophet (s.a.), the
paid a visit to the house of Ali and Fatemah mother of Saad cried, “Congratulations, O my
(a.s.). He saw that Ali (a.s.) was sieving the son on gaining paradise.” On hearing this the
pulses and Fatemah (s.a.) was busy cooking. On Messenger of Islam retorted, “Wait, do not
observing this the Prophet (s.a.) remarked, “O make haste in divine affairs. Your son is in great
Ali, I do not speak except what is revealed to agony and anguish at the moment.” When the
me. Anyone who helps his wife in her domestic people inquired about the reason for this
affairs obtains a reward of one year of worship condition he (s.a.), replied, “He behaved very
equal to the amount of hair on his body. This badly with his family members.” 59
year of worship will be as if he has fasted during
its days and prayed during its nights. Allah will C. Rights of the Wife According to
reward him equal to the reward of all the Imam Sajjad (a.s.)
patient ones, Hazrat Dawood (a.s.) and Hazrat
“It is the right of your wife that you should
Isa (a.s.).” 57
know that Allah has made her for you a
B. Consequence of Ill Behaviour with tranquility and comfort (in worry), and a friend
the Family and shield (against sins).
Imam Reza (a.s.) says, “Every man should And likewise, it is incumbent upon both of
strive to make his wife and children comfortable you to thank Allah for your partner and to know
according to his capacity for if he is strict and that (the spouse) is a grace of Allah upon you.
And it is obligatory to have good fellowship with
56
Man La Yahzarul Faqih, Quoted in A Gift for the Youth,
58
Shabeeb Rizvi Wasaelush Shia, Shaykh Hurre Amili
57 59
Jamius Sa’daat, vol. 2, p. 142 A Gift for the Youth, Shabeeb Rizvi
Islamic Marriage 63 64 Islamic
Marriage

this grace of Allah (i.e. wife), and to respect her ideas, plans and provisions that he has prepared
and be kind to her, although your rights upon for her and other family members and obey him
her are greater and her obedience to you is under all circumstances. She must not disobey
final in all your likes and dislikes so long as it is him come what may nor must she do any such
not a sin. So she has the right of love and thing which detracts him. Rather she must try
fellowship, and a place of repose (i.e. house) so her best to attract his attention towards herself
that natural desires may be fulfilled, and this in by which both of them can lead a life of
itself is a great duty. And there is no strength harmony.61
but by Allah.” 60
Imam Baqir (a.s.) says that once a lady
D. Husband’s rights over his Wife inquired from the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.s.)
regarding the rights a husband enjoys over his
The rights of a husband over his wife are
wife. He (s.a.w.s.) said,
numerous. The most important among them is
related to having physical relationship with her. “First and foremost is that she should obey
The duty of a wife is to submit herself physically him and refrain from disobedience. She must
before her husband. This right of the husband not donate anything from his house without his
i.e. of having a physical relationship with his permission nor can she keep recommended
wife, as and when he wants, is obviously a fasts without his approval. She must NEVER
reciprocation of her feelings. In absence of her deny him his physical rights nor deprive him of
husband the duties of the wife include the its pleasures. If she steps out of the house
protection of his rights, status, wealth and without his permission, the angels of the
respect. She must not spend his wealth without heaven and the earth, of wrath and mercy,
his permission nor must she reveal his secrets. curse her till she returns to her house.” 62
Rather she should be his closest confdante.
E. The Importance of obeying one’s
She must not let anybody inside the house Husband
without his permission in his absence. For, doing
Imam Sadiq (a.s.) says that a group of
so would lead to a lot of misunderstandings
people paid a visit to the Messenger of Islam
which would have drastic repercussions on the
and said, “O Prophet of Allah, we have seen
sacred contract of marriage. She must value his
61
A Gift for the Youth, Shabeeb Rizvi
60 62
The Charter of Rights of Imam Zaynul Abidin, translated Makaremul Akhlaq, Quoted in A Gift for the Youth,
by Sayyid Saeed Akhtar Rizvi Shabeeb Rizvi
Islamic Marriage 63 64 Islamic
Marriage

such people who prostrate before each other.” be first to enter the fire of hell. Similar will be
The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.s.) answered, “If at all I the fate of the husband who usurps the rights of
could permit prostration before anyone except his wife.” 64
Allah, the Creator, I would have ordered the
wives to prostrate before their husbands.” 63
G. A Summary of Mutual Rights
In his book Principles of Marriage and
The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.s.) is also reported
Family Ethics, Professor Ibrahim Amini has
to have said, “A wife who gives her husband
explained in much detail the duties of husband
water to drink attains a reward of one year of
and wives, often quoting incidents to emphasise
worship, a year whose nights were passed in
his arguments.
prayers and days in fasting. In exchange of one
drop of water which she provides for her Part One deals with the duties of Women:
husband one city is built in paradise for her and According to the author the purpose of marriage
sins of sixty years are forgiven.” is that the wife lives with her husband. She
must be kind and should respect her husband.
The author of Makaremul Akhlaq narrates on
She must not complain unnecessarily. She must
the authority of Imam Muhammad Baqir (a.s.),
have a pleasant disposition. She must be a
“The Jehaad of women is to be patient while
comfort for her husband and appreciate him.
facing the difficulties of life with their
She must not look for his shortcomings. She
husbands.”
must observe Islamic Hijab. She must forgive
F. Stricture Against Foul Language her husband’s mistakes. She must learn to cope
with her husband’s relatives. She must help her
The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.s.) said, “Any
husband to make progress. She must not be
woman who converses indignantly with her
unduly suspicious.
husband, thereby hurting his sentiments, none
of her deeds either obligatory or recommended Part Two deals with the duties of Men: The
will be accepted from her until and unless her man is the guardian of the family. He should
husband does not express his satisfaction with take care of his wife and be loving towards her.
her. Even if this woman fasts during the days, He must respect her and be well-mannered. He
prays during the nights, frees slaves or donates also must not complain unnecessarily. He should
the best of horses in the way of Allah, she will overlook her mistakes. He should not be

63 64
Makaremul Akhlaq, Op. cit. Makaremul Akhlaq
Islamic Marriage 63 64 Islamic
Marriage

suspicious about her. He should be clean at

home also. He must help in the household
Duties of Other Family Members
chores and assist in bringing up children. Other household members should also know
that the time and attention of the newly married
ones will be divided and previous expectations
may have to be changed to suit new
circumstances. In joint families, the namehram
ladies must observe hijab if they are not living
in a separate house with their husbands.
Decency and Privacy
The Prophet and the Imams have
emphasized that when you engage in sexual
intercourse, make sure that no child (or, for that
matter, any other person) sees you or hears
you. Abu Basir quotes Imam Ja’far as-Sadiq
(a.s.) as follows, “Be careful not to have sex
with your wife while a child can see you. The
Prophet used to dislike this (attitude) very
strongly.” 65 If a child sees and hears the parents
engaged in sexual intercourse, he might go
through a shocking psychological experience. It
might also create a problem in his own adult
life. Islam has laid down clear guidelines about
the privacy of adults.
Qur’an gives us the following rules about
privacy within the family circles:

65
Wasaelush Shia, vol. 14, p. 94-95
Islamic Marriage 63 64 Islamic
Marriage

1. There are three times in a day: night,

early morning and afternoon which are
considered as times of privacy.
2. The minor children should be taught that GLOSSARY OF ISLAMIC TERMS
during times of privacy they are not allowed to
enter the bedroom of their parents or adults HARAAM: forbidden, prohibited.
without frst asking their permission. IHTIYAT WAJIB: precautionarily wajib.
JA’IZ, HALAAL, MUBAH: permitted, allowed,
3. At other times, the children are free to
lawful, legal.
come and go into the bedroom of their parents
MARJA’ (pl. MARAJI’): A high-ranking mujtahid.
without asking for their permission. In
MAKRUH: reprehensible, disliked, discouraged.
retrospect, this means that the parents should
MUJTAHID: or FAQIH (pl. FUQAHA): a jurist.
be decently dressed at those other times.
SUNNAT or MUSTAHAB: recommended,
4. As for the mature children and adults, the desirable, better.
Qur’an is clear that they may enter the bedroom WAJIB: obligatory, necessary, incumbent.
of their parents or other adults at all times only
after asking their permission.
Conclusion
The Islamic way of life not only assures
happiness and satisfaction of an individual but
the society as a whole benefts by implementing
the laws of Shariah. Since the society consists of
families and families come into being by
matrimonial relationships it is necessary that
this basic unit of society is properly understood
and protected from all that threatens its
existence.
Islamic Marriage 63 64 Islamic
Marriage

ENDNOTE
BIBLIOGRAPHY
I have referred to Ali Akber Mazaheri’s Youth
1. Ideal Marriage - Van de Velde and Spouse Selection for Chapters of
2. Marriage and Morals in Islam – Sayyid Importance of Marriage in Islam and Spouse
Muhammad Rizvi Selection. Chapters Four to Eight and Chapter
3. Marriage and Family Ethics – Ibrahim Eleven, are wholly taken from Maulana Sayyid
Amini Muhammad Rizvi’s Marriage and Morals in
4. Spouse Selection—Ali Akber Mazaheri Islam, which I think is the best book on this
5. Youth and Morals – S. Mujtaba Musavi Lari subject. The Chapter of Ghusl Janabat is
6. Sexual Ethics in Islam and in the Western adapted from the book, Ritual and Spiritual
World – M. Mutahhari Purity also by Maulana Sayyid Muhammad Rizvi.
7. Islamic Law – Ayatullah Seestani For Chapter of Mutual Rights I have referred to
8. Tahzeebul Islam – Allamah Majlisi the following books: Youth and Spouse Selection
9. Adaabe Mujaameaat—Peermohammed by Ali Akber Mazaheri, Principles of Marriage
Ebrahim Trust and Family Ethics by Ibrahim Amini and A Gift
10.A Gift for the Youth –Shabeeb Rizvi for the Youth by Shabeeb Rizvi.