Social situations are among the most important in our lives.

Yet, there is
a huge chance that you are oblivious to the plethora of unwritten social
rules that structure everybody’s behaviour. Failing to comply to these
cultural imprints can cause irreversible damage. Just following them
blindly will not get you ahead. Hacking them, however, will give you the
best results possible. Therefore we bring to you these – 25
psychological life hacks that will help you gain the advantage
in social situations

1 ) As s ume c omfort in any interac tion.

Our brain is an incredibly complicated instrument. Our relationship with
it, is a love-hate one. We think we have control over it but usually
something unconscious dictates our actions.

In most of our social interactions, we find it difficult to feel comfortable

among strangers because our brain tries to protect us from exposure.

This however isn’t helping us when trying to be social and meet new
people, is it?

This is why assuming comfort is so powerful. Commanding your brain to

feel that you already know the person you are about to meet puts you in a
position of advantage. It increases the chances of people showing interest
in you and consequently even liking you.

2) Pay attention to people’s feet when you are

approac hing them.
Interrupting people when they are in the middle of an important
conversation is one of the most annoying things to do. It shows that you
have zero knowledge of social dynamics which will lead to unpleasant
social situations.
When you approach a group of people while in a conversation, pay
attention to their bodies. If they turn only their torsos and not their feet,
it means they are in the middle of an important conversation and they
don’t want you to interrupt them.

If they turn both torso and feet, it means you are welcome. This is
extremely important, because the right timing in such situations may put
you in a position of advantage, especially if the conversation was boring
for both sides.

Read this : The key ins ig hts from S ocial Eng ineering , for free on
Blinkis t!

3) Whenever you have an arg ument with

s omeone, s tand next to them and not in front
of them.
We’ve all been in situations where out of nowhere the conversation
started escalating.

Unless you love drama, I would suggest you to avoid these situations.
You might have the best argument in the world, but usually people get
irritated when they feel they are wrong.

So, whenever you feel that the argument you have with another person
(especially friends – it’s not cool to fight with friends) creates tension,
move next to them. You won’t appear much of a threat, and they will
eventually calm down.

4) Whenever you need a favor, open with “I

need your help.”
Admit it. We all love to get others to do stuff for us. Either because we
are lazy, or because we really need some help to complete a task.
Social dynamics show that when it comes to platonic relationships,
nobody really likes an asshole. So whenever you need a favor, start your
sentence with “I need your help.”

In most cases, people will accept your request and help you out. This
occurs because we don’t really like the guilt of not helping someone out
and we do like to be the one who is capable of helping.

5) If you want people to feel g ood, g ive them

validation. Rephras e what they jus t told you.
We love validation. Most of our actions are the outcome of our need for
validation. So what is the best way to get people to like you? Give them
what they need of course. A simple example, is when you are in a
conversation with another person and he says something really
important for him. After he finishes, rephrase what he just said in your
own words. This will make him think that you are a good listener and
that you are really interested in him. It makes him feel he is the center of
attention. That’s validation right there.

Why Life Hacks Don’t Work If You Don’t Get Your Shit Together
Firs t

6) If you want to g et a pos itive res pons e from

s omeone, nod while you talk.
This one is extremely powerful and also a bit manipulative especially if
the person is suggestive. So use it with your own responsibility and in an
ethical way. Getting a positive response from someone is usually what we
want. Whether it is making a sale, or promoting a viewpoint, we always
want people to get on board. Nodding while you try to deliver your
message is a powerful way to get the person to agree with you. People
usually like mimicking, so they will most probably nod back while you
talk. This will subsequently communicate to their brains that they have
to agree with you.

7) Want to s ee if s omeone is paying attention

to what you are s aying ? Fold your arms .
Usually when we are in the middle of a conversation and especially if we
talk about something very important to us, we get lost in our talking and
rarely pay attention to whether the other person is following or not. So
instead of losing time talking to a person who is distracted and might not
even be interested in what you are saying, do this. Fold your arms while
talking and see if the other person follows your move. If the other person
is observing you and pays attention, they will most likely mimic you.

8) Having trouble remembering names ?

Repeat the other person’s name during the
c onvers ation.
I suck at remembering names. I usually don’t even listen to the other
person when he says his name the moment we get introduced to each
other. So usually, I ask a friend to introduce himself to the person so I
can listen to his name. But then I forget it again. Awkward.
Remembering names is very important because we feel important when
someone mentions us. So the moment you meet someone repeat his
name. Example: “Hi my name is Alex” “Nice to meet you Alex. So, Alex
how do you know John?” And continue to repeat his name throughout
the conversation.

9) If you as k s omeone a ques tion and they

only partially ans wer, jus t wait. They will
keep talking .
This is a very common situation when you don’t know the other person
that well or your question wasn’t clear enough. If they finish the answer
without providing a full answer, just wait. Stay silent and keep eye
contact. If the tension becomes unbearable, raise your eyebrows. It puts
a bit of pressure on them but it communicates that you show interest. It
also sub-communicates that you are a person that usually gets what he
wants.

1 0) People us ually foc us on the emotion and

not on the s ubject.
This is very useful in public speaking but also in building rapport with an
acquaintance. Whenever you introduce yourself to new people, most
probably they have already heard what you are about to say. Well that’s
not a problem. Even if you want to talk about the most boring topic in
the world, make sure of one thing: Always try to evoke emotions. From
my experience the 3 emotions that you want to evoke are: • Excitement •
Laughter: Everyone likes to laugh • Intrigue: Leave a little mystery so the
other person has to invest energy to hear more. Don’t be purposely
distant, but avoid verbal diarrhea.

There are many techniques to turn a boring conversation into

an exciting and intriguing one, but here are a couple of my
favorites:

 Pause: A lot of the time when we want to keep someone’s

attention, we tend to talk really fast, but this subcommunicates
neediness and nervousness. A well-placed pause can create
tension that makes your words have more gravitas.
 Tone and Inflection: No one finds monotone exciting. Switch up
your tone of voice from deep for declarative statements, to high
inflection when you want to leave them guessing.
 Paint pictures and compose symphonies in their mind with
sensory details: When telling a story, take the person you’re
talking to on an emotional journey by describing the colors,
sounds, textures, tastes, smells, and how they made you feel.
 This will cause their mirror-neurons to fire off, making it easier
for them to imagine actually being there with you.

So if you want to be memorable, focus on the emotion behind the words.

People may forget what you say, but they will never forget how you make
them feel.

READ: 8 Ways to be UBER Charis matic

1 1 ) Confidenc e is more important than

knowledg e.
Two young candidates walked into the interview office to apply for the
same job. The first one had a Phd, two Masters and a Bachelor’s degree.
The second one had just a Bachelor. The first one was kind of shy, didn’t
talk much, his body language was turned inward. The second one had an
upright posture, was looking the interviewers directly in the eyes,
showed a lot of interest in the job and his answers where emitting
confidence. We don’t have to tell you who got the job.

1 2) Fake it until you make it.

No one became an expert on anything over night. However, the learning
process in everything you do is accelerated by commanding your brain to
think what you want it to think. In simple words. You are what you
believe you are. • You are confident if you believe you are confident • You
are attractive if you believe you are attractive • You are extrovert if you
believe you are extrovert If you want to look deeper into this idea look up
two words. Neuroplasticity and brain rewiring.

1 3) Pos e in a Power S tanc e.

This is similar to the previous point, but more concrete than a mantra or
belief. Go stand in the mirror, put your hands on your hips, thrust your
pelvic forward, pull your shoulders up, back and down, open your chest,
tilt your head up, and force the biggest smile you can possibly manage to
fit across your face. Even if you consciously know you’re just faking it,
your brain can’t tell the difference, and will release endorphins to match
your body position. This can feel silly, but it really works.

1 4) If you want to be pers uas ive, try and

reduce the use of the words “I think” and “I
believe.”
I don’t really feel the need to elaborate on this one. Obviously these
words do not evoke confidence and the other person will most probably
not take you seriously. Change them to ‘I know’ and ‘I will’ instead.

Read this : 25 Bes t Ps ycholog y Books From Mas ter Manipulator

Derren Brown

1 5) A c lean and org anis ed environment

affec ts your mood, produc tivity, and others
perc eption of who you are.
How many times have you waken up without any motivation at all? How
many times have you started working on something without being able
to get focused and inspired? Next time this happens, take a look around
you. Is your environment clean and well-organized? If not, take some
minutes to clean it up and put everything into place. You will feel
refreshed and reborn and productivity will spark immediately. But not
only that, you will come across as caring and punctual, two highly
esteemed traits. Why do think most of the big companies pay so much
attention to creating the best working environment for their employees?
They know what makes them happy and how it affects their productivity.
For a complete strategy, check out the key insights of The Life Changing
Magic of Tidying Up on Blinkist for free here.
1 6) Want to find out whic h people are c los e
to eac h other within a group and who is
perc eived as the leader?
Pay attention to who is looking at each other when everyone in the group
laughs at a joke. People instinctively look at and agree with the person
they feel closest to within the group.

1 7) Whenever you c all a pers on you want to

meet, s how exc itement!
Always have this in mind. Excitement is contagious. Why do you think
the music video from Pharrell Williams – “Happy” got so many views
and so many people were talking about it?

People love excitement! It is like an escape from their boring lives. Never
forget that.

(You can mirror this and show disappointment if somebody let’s you
down, making them painfully aware of their hurtful actions.)

1 8) Want to build rapport and g ain res pect?

Matc h body lang uag e.
This is quite a common topic among body language experts and works
well if you want to gain respect from a person that has high value.

Example:

You are in a social situation where a person has higher value among
others within the group. He is the center of attention and he totally
enjoys it. How do you match his value? By befriending him!
If you want his respect and attention the best thing to do when you
approach him is to match his body language and speaking patterns. If he
has open body language and he talks with excitement and joy, don’t go
there with crossed arms and with an attitude of negating his words.

Approach him with the same amount of excitement and show openness
and interest.

Want more insights on body language? Check out the key insights
from What Every BODY is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent’s Guide to Speed-
Reading People on Blinkist here!

1 9) When s omeone ins ults you, either ignore

him or moc k him. Never los e temper. Always
c ontrol the frame.
Haters are everywhere. The more you feed them with hate, the stronger
they become. Never lose your temper. This is a great example of how to
deal with a hater. Enjoy!

20) S tand up s traig ht, have warm hands and

always keep eye c ontac t.
• Keep a straight posture and walk like a born leader. This sub-
communicates confidence and others will respect you automatically.
• Keep your hands out of your pockets. If you don’t know what to do with
them, it is better to fold your arms rather than keep them inside your
pockets.
• Keep your hands warm. If you have a warm hand when you shake
somebody’s hand, you immediately become a more desirable person to
get along with. Secret Tip – wash your hands with warm water often to
keep them warm or take cold showers.
• You have heard this a thousand times. Here is the 1001st. – never lose
eye contact! Losing eye contact is like losing your confidence. One cool
trick when first meeting someone is to focus on their eye color and smile
at the same time. The eyes are the gateway to the soul, and taking the
extra second to gaze shows you are confident and present. (Be sure to
move your eyes away periodically, a constant stare will creep people out.)

21 ) The Benjamin Franklin Effec t.

The Ben Franklin effect is a psychological finding:

A person who has done someone a favor is more likely to do that person
another favor than they would be if they had received a favor from that
person. Similarly, one who harms another is more willing to harm them
again than the victim is to retaliate.

This is an unbelievable finding. In social situations, you can hack this by

making someone do something small for you, then asking for your true
favor. It’s such a small favor that they will say yes, and due to cognitive
dissonance their brain will rationalize that they must like you enough to
do you a favor in the first place. This is also called the foot-in-the-door
effect.

22) Don’t be afraid to touch another person.

Touching someone on the shoulder or their knees creates an emotional
and physical bond. Especially during moments of joy, laughter and
excitement touching positively reinforces these traits. If you’re
uncomfortable with touching, remember 12, fake it until you make it.

23) Us e the door-in-the-fac e hac k.

The opposite of foot-in-the-door. Make an unreasonably large request
that will most likely be turned down (but if it isn’t then that’s even
better!), and follow up with your true intended, more reasonable request.
The other person will be more likely to agree to the second request.
24) Always frame a reques t as a c hoic e.
No one likes to feel pressured into doing something they don’t want to
do. By subtlety rephrasing a request, you can make the person feel like
they came to the decision on their own terms.

Homeless people who say things like, “it’s up to you if you want to donate
or not” end up making more money than those who simply ask for
money. The same is generally true for bands that offer “pay what you
want” payment structures for their music. They know you can easily
download their music for free off the internet, so they encourage you to
pay what you feel is right.

A slightly more aggressive technique is the assumptive close:

This is a classic sales technique that can be used in any social situation.
Instead of asking for permission, “do you want to donate/go on a
date/get something to eat” assume that the person already does. Of
course, you can’t just force someone to do something, but a leading
question can nudge them in the right direction: “Would you like to
donate 5 dollars or 10 dollars?”

Now instead of simply saying yes or no, they have to actively deny your
request and feel like a naysayer.

Learn more about the “paradox of choice” on Blinkist, here.

25) If you work in a bar or in c us tomer

service of any kind…
Put a mirror behind you at the counter. When an angry customer
approaches you, he will have to see himself in the mirror and will most
probably calm down. Nobody likes ruining his image.
26) BONUS : Chew g um if you are nervous .
Evolutionarily speaking, our brains assume that if we are eating then we
aren’t in any immediate danger, so the fight or flight response is
weakened