INDIAN INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY

Institute of Independent Thinking (!!)™

(I know the name sucks but bear with me!)

A rejoinder by Quantum to ‘read for fun IIT’ available on shareaza currently.

So what if we did learn something (at least some thing!!) different here? The thing
is we are inherently better than others and this fact is obviously resented by other less
gifted people whose girlfriends get married to IITians and who get IITians as bosses.
There are n number of places to monkey around but to pull it off with all your
wits…..you need to be an IITian. And it’s got nothing to do with a larger cranial capacity
or genetic jackpot to become an IITian…..you just need to keep it cool. I know it’s
incredibly impossible to imagine IITians as being anything remotely cool, but guys….and
gals, take a minute and think……are we not the coolest people this side of equator? I
mean like only we get to go to classes, if at all we decide to attend them in the first place,
in hawaii slippers and pyjamas ( at least I do ). Only we get to pass off simplicity as
fashion and primitivity as modernity. See you get the idea.

So what was the fellow ranting about? Hmm….something about a stone being
thrown at an angle alpha. Right. No one in his right mind would go about throwing stones
without reason, be that at any angle. Certainly not me. And then who’s not interested in
calculus? Though not terribly gifted in math I for one can definitely tell a curve from a
straight line and what more is needed , folks than this? The ‘Others’, poor things after all,
think calculus is limited to the blackboard and text books. Let them see an IITian at field
work. Let them see him (IITian) excel at applied calculus, reveling in differentiating
‘curves’ of the right kind, calculating convexity at the right points, cross checking for
errors with friends. This is just an example of what an IITian is truly capable of.

Wouldn’t we want to be in company of better dressed, stylish beautiful people

(Sic)? I guess not. For we don’t need to dress up as cockerel to get noticed by chicks.
Smartness is worn on our sleeves and intelligence is an assumption when it comes to
IITians (a correct assumption, I hasten to add!). As for company of beautiful people , well
, who wouldn’t want a luscious dame for company , but I guess until I earn bucks on my
own I would rather stick with a fellow IITian ( it works out cheaper, trust me).

So you want to strike a conversation with an IITian and you don’t know where to
begin with? You don’t need to worry, just tell him about the latest version of Shareaza. If
it doesn’t do the trick, don’t panic, try another one, like how so and so bandi is having
hots on such and such Prof (quite unlikely but you never can be sure ;-) ). It would be
impossible to stop an IITian once he switches gears into Bhaat mood. So now you know
why we are such cracks at communication skills!!
 Are we snobbish? Now wait a minute….I only said we are naturally gifted,
intelligent, smart and communicative people but snobbishness? That’s an interesting
dimension I would like to add to my personality. And hey come on you don’t mean we
have to strike up a conversation with every other moron that comes our
way!!(particularly a moron who talks of throwing stones at an angle alpha!!).

What about the women (?) who also got into IIT? Right in saying the ratio is not
1:1. Its just 1:0, for what supposed women we have in our campus we treat them as our
half brothers for that is what they really are…..non males and females. A pity they
haven’t been all sent off to Timbuktu as exhibits for the section Freaky Specimens of
Nature with Equally Freaky CGs in the Museum for Mis-Evolution. Life isn’t all about
women, my dear friends, it’s about beautiful women!! And supposedly female IITians are
anything but beautiful. They are all the same…..they are, they are, huh, just non male
IITians.

So we blend coffee to perfection…..right? Coffee? Am I talking coffee? The weak

drink for weaklings? Bacchus forgive me! We men out here drink stronger brews, manly
drinks. Whoever is under the mistaken notion that we drink coffee and tea like sissies in
other colleges do, please revise that notion right now. For as I write this if you could stick
up your nose close enough to the monitor you might as well smell the pleasing vapors of
an exhilarating spirit.

Just what do the outsiders think of IITians? We only dress sloppily because we
don’t want to give the fashion people a run for their money. We only don’t bathe too
often because we don’t want to shine too brightly. We don’t usually hang around with
girls because well there are no girls here in our campuses. But put a problem in front of
us we will frag it to bits. Put a problem far from us, we will snipe it and better be
prepared for a head-shot. And please don’t put the problem up on the Shareaza or
internet, we will download it to death. There are innumerable accusations to make at
IITians; we have equally innumerable answers and excuses. Brains going down the drain
to USA and allied countries etc, etc.

So ‘Others’ beware, we are not just IITians, we are out and out IITians. We have
fierce loyalties to our halls of residences, equally fierce loyalty to our institute and we
will do what we can to live up to our reputation. It’s for others to whine about what a
brilliant species we are and blah blah. We look danger in the eye and live life by the wire.
We cross swords with deadlines and talk sweet nothings with the Profs (majboori hai
yaar! flatter karna padta hai). We beat the balls out of rival halls and won’t hesitate to do
it to outsiders. We are well plain old IITians.

[And by the way if any ‘Other’’s girlfriend has changed her mind after reading this
highly acclaimable article by yours very lovingly then please don’t hesitate to dump your
present boy friend for me. A secret between us, I am desperately despo for a gf. I know
you may call this cheap publicity but really you must believe me we are very good at
bragging and blowing our own trumpets.]

And here is that piece of **it which tempted me to write all the above stuff, in case you
haven’t found it on Shareaza.

INDIAN INSTITUTE OF
TECHNOLOGY
institute of infinite torture
whatever is written is meant for humour.if anyone tries to think about reality of iitans, he will be
hanged.anyone trying to make fun of iitans will get their throats cut.smile if u can.....

Have you ever wondered whether the university you went to actually taught you something that
other universities do not? I've often wondered this. Not so much because I thought the university I
went to taught me something special, but because I've run across a group of people who have
gone to particular institutions, and who seem to behave as if they did learn something different.
What's really piqued my curiosity is the fact that this group of universities is acclaimed as among
the best in the world. This particular group, known collectively as the Indian Institutes of
Technology (IITs), seems to nurture a common behavior amongst its students. Perhaps it can be
termed as IIT culture. Or perhaps calling it culture is being too kind. Regardless, let's explore some
of these traits.
One thing you will know about IIT grads is that they are particularly proud of the fact that they
managed to spend 4 of the best years of their lives cooped up with other students with an equal
lack of understanding about what is really important in life. I mean, do you really want to spend
your most youthful, virile years trapped with a group of nerds who get really excited about
calculus? Wouldn't you rather be in the _ompany of stylishly dressed, beautiful people, like there
are in the nearby fashion institutes, or business colleges? I mean, calculus stays the same whether
you are introduced to it at age 18 or age 24. But all the beautiful women get hooked up way before
they reach 24. And those that don't are beyond the IIT grads' reach anyway, for they have greater
ambitions in life than to be seen roaming around with IIT grads.
So why this particular pride that you are an IIT grad? I would think it should be a source of shame
-- an admission that you are totally clueless about what your priorities should be at this particularly
important stage in your life. What baffles me is that these IIT grads are very fond of relating this
horrendous blunder to everybody. For example, they will make it a point to bring that fact up in any
conversation, even if it has nothing to do with education or college. For example, I have actually
had this conversation with an IIT grad:
Me: “Hi. How are you doing today?”
IIT Grad: “Back when I was in IIT - Bombay, all the dumb people who didn't get accepted to IIT
used to greet us that way. We, of course, had no time for such idle banter, as we had more
important pursuits in life, like calculus. So, what university did you go to?”
At this point, if you answer anything other than IIT, chances are the person will look right beyond
you, as if you do not exist and it is not worth their time to talk to you, specially about their current
state of being. If you, however, happen to be a particularly attractive woman, you may get some
response from them, as long as the next words out of your mouth are, “Oooooh, you must be
smart.” If you, however, do not seem suitably impressed by this revelation, then you are likely to be
branded a bimbo, and not worth their time.
Another thing I've noticed about these IIT grads is that they seem to think they have a particular
understanding of the sciences that other grads are not privy to. So they will choose to ignore you in
scientific conversations, as if you are incapable of completely grasping the problem. They seem to
think that some different laws of physics apply to IIT grads. I wouldn't be surprised if they fully
expect to field problems as follows:
Question 1.a. “If a person throws a rock into the air with an angle of trajectory alpha, with an initial
velocity of v, then how far will it travel from their location?”
Question 1.b. (extra credit) “How much further will the rock travel if it was thrown by an IIT grad?”
Of course, us mere mortals know that the real answer to 1.b. is 0, because the IIT grad probably
couldn't pick up the rock off the ground to begin with. And probably would have made some
comment about how it was too menial a task and below his dignity. However, this is a great
question to ask a group of IIT grads at a party, in case they are boring you with stories about their
experiences living in the dorms. Just ask them this question, and all the IIT grads will take great
pleasure in explaining to each other how they figured out the answer, and how that method is far
superior to anybody else's method. You, however, will be spared the agony of having to participate
in this animated discussion, thankfully, for how could a not-IIT grad possibly have anything to
contribute to this conversation?
I think a lot of these people are under the misguided impression that anybody here in the US cares
which university they graduated from. I have seen some people try to use this as a pickup line at
bars, thinking that this would make a more profound impression on women -- more so than
someone who has actually gone to the gym to exercise and stay in shape. Of course, the IIT grads'
impression about weight lifting is carrying both volumes of Halliday and Resnick to class everyday
(yes, I know most normal people who went to normal universities are not aware that there actually
is a second volume of Halliday and Resnick, and the first volume was not all that there is to
physics). But rest assured, that does not particularly impress the women at bars either.
Now, at this point, you may well ask, “But what about the women who also go to IIT?” What
about them? The first thing to note here is that the ratio of men to women at IIT is not exactly 1:1.
There are far fewer women at the IITs. And there is a very good reason for that. It's because
women are far smarter than men. They have long figured out that the really successful people in
life do not work as engineers. The really successful people in life either sing, or dance, or act, or
design clothes, or run motels or sandwich shops. And going to IIT does not help you do any of
these better. In fact, what the IIT grads learn are things like computer design and programming, so
they can be the slaves in the side businesses funded by the people who either sing, or dance, or
act, or design clothes, or run motels or sandwich shops.
And the few women that actually decide to join IIT are even smarter, for they have figured out
that they will get much better treatment when there are 199 men vying for every woman's attention.
And anybody who has been to Vegas knows those are pretty darn good odds. Of course, the
drawback is that your grand prize is another IIT grad.
But surely there must be something that these IIT grads learned in their 4 years of being cooped up
with other nerds. To explore this possibility, I decided to observe the IIT grads at work for one
whole week. I carefully noted all their actions without them noticing me. That was not hard -- I had
already told them I was not an IIT grad, so as far as they were concerned, I did not exist anyway. I
noted their irritating habit of wearing slippers to work. I noted their desire to talk about esoteric and
inconsequential subjects in the most animated manner, in the vain hope that it would impress all
the women in the marketing and sales department. After the end of that week, I spent the following
week observing all the other people at work. Then I complied and tabulated and collated all my
data. After poring over the results, I did see a trend emerge.
To a person, I noticed that all the IIT grads consistently made really good coffee! No
other group of people were nearly as meticulous, in measuring just the right amount of
coffee grinds, positioning the coffee pot exactly under the dispenser so as not to spill a
single drop, and adding the exact amount of water each time, as the collective group of 5 IIT
grads in our company. Why, one of the men actually even mixed equal amounts of cold
water and hot water from the bottled water dispenser, so that the coffee maker was
consistently being fed water at the same temperature every time. I must say, I really
marveled at the thoughtfulness of this person to use the bottled water rather than the tap
water. And he felt the sides of the coffee pot to ascertain that the water was indeed at the
desired temperature. What this resulted in was coffee that always tasted exactly the same,
with no spillage whatsoever, and was consistently good.
So there you have it. Those 4 years of hard work at IIT have indeed enabled these people to claim
something that no other place of learning has been able to so consistently impart to all its students.
All you other mere mortals keep this fact in mind the next time you need to refill your coffee, and
the pot is empty. Go find the nearest IIT grad, and engage him in some conversation as you steer
him towards the coffee station. And watch the expert at work. You will need to be creative in order
to get the IIT grad to talk to you though. I suggest you ask him some technical question, along the
lines of, “If I picked up a rock and threw it into the air with an angle of trajectory alpha, with an initial
velocity of v…” This will surely get the IIT grad going, as he gallantly demonstrates to you how
elegantly and effortlessly he can solve this problem, and make coffee at the same time!
And this will also give you a good way of responding to one of these creatures in case you happen
to run into them at a party. If you happen to ask them how they are, and they respond in the
expected fashion by telling you they are from IIT, interrupt them immediately by exclaiming,
“Oooooh, you must make really good coffee!”

this is written by some frustrated desi ,whose girl friend married an iitian...same iitian who got
promotion ahead of him, in his company ,in USA.cheers.........