12 Step Workbook
12 Step Workbook
12 Step Workbook
12 STEP WORKBOOK
Big
The Doctor's Opinion:
Book:
Chapter 3, More about Alcoholism
12&12: Step 1
Big
Chapter 4. We Agnostics
Book:
Appendix II. Spiritual
Experience
12&12: Step 2
From the diagram you just saw, and based upon the
opinions of the theists and atheists, there seem to be
only two choices for you to make—their way or the
wrong way. It often appears to the AA newcomer that
he must pick one of the churches (on the left above)
or join the anti-church church (on the right). While
some of these may be valid options, you might also
resolve that you just don't feel comfortable being on
the theist-atheist scale at all. After all, once you have
picked a belief system, you have, as a consequence,
rejected all the other systems you didn't pick. Maybe
you feel you don't have any business making
decisions about God's business.
12&12: Step 3
Amen.
4
A moral inventory.
mor-al (môr'uhl, mor'-) adj.
21. of, pertaining to, or concerned with the
principles of right conduct or the distinction
between right and wrong; ethical: moral attitudes.
22. conforming to accepted or established
principles of right conduct (opposed to immoral);
virtuous; upright: a moral man.
23. expressing or conveying truths or counsel as
to right conduct: a moral novel. based on
fundamental principles of right conduct rather
than on law, custom, etc.: moral obligations.
24. capable of recognizing and conforming to the
rules of right conduct: a moral being.
25. virtuous in sexual matters; chaste.
26. of, pertaining to, or acting on the mind,
feelings, will, or character: moral support.
It is clear that we are not counting possessions. Nor
are we really listing people, institutions, principles or,
even, actions in order to count them. We are seeking
to illuminate the basis (or underlying cause) of our
actions. In other words, why do we resent the world
the way we do?
Because
I resent:
they:
Sam Smokes at
Smoker me
Insulted me
Peter
Hit me
Punch
Sided with
Mother
Dad
Died
Father Beat me
$
IRS Attachmen
ts
Wife #1 Left me
$
Attachmen
ts
Column #2 is the WHAT column. This is called
the "Cause" column on page 65. It describes
briefly just what the resented party did that
triggered your resentment. It does not describe
how you reacted to their action. The example in
the Big Book seems to be pretty clear. Expand
what you began when you filled in the WHO
column. Where they (the source of your
resentment) performed multiple actions, put in as
many as will provide the needed learning
experience. It will probably be necessary to
rewrite the entire list, because you will need more
lines to amplify the reasons.
Who I
What I did:
hurt:
Peter Insulted him about his
Punch age
Mike
Broke his nose in a bar
Mauler
Employer
Stole $546.65
#1
$2500 Child support
Wife #1
unpaid
Father Broken trophy
Wife Physical abuse
Conned him out of Med
My son
School
Mother Worried her to death
Big
Chapter 6, Into Action.
Book:
From: Page 72 Thru: Page 75, the bottom of
the page.
12&12: Step 5
Why? This step is genuinely therapeutic.
"Confession" (not an A.A. term) was one of the six
steps in the Oxford Group, one of the sources from
which A.A. sprang. It is to be found in some form in
most every religion since ancient times. There is
some kind of essential mystical property in the act of
opening up completely to another human being.
There is a sense of initiating the cleansing process in
step 5. You have undoubtedly heard that your
sickness cannot be removed completely until your
deepest secret is purged. This is absolutely true!
In conjunction with your step 4, this bringing in of
another person makes a lot of sense. You have done
your very best to write out acts, thoughts and
emotions which will need to be corrected and which
will help to identify your defects of character. You
have done the very best you could. Nevertheless,
only the most achieved human can see himself in
total objective truth. The keys to your behavior, often
so obscure to you, will seem to jump out to the
attention of your fifth step partner, especially if he
has heard a fifth before with others. So, a major
benefit is the feedback that will help you as you
proceed to later steps.
One of our members noted this on page 75 of the BB:
"We...go to it, illuminating every twist of
character...withholding nothing..."
He was concerned that the lists which make up Step 4
did not fulfill this everything requirement. It was
pointed out that the everything refers to Step 5, not
Step 4. There is always much discussion in Step 5
that goes far beyond the content of the inventory.
This is the way it is supposed to be.
With whom? You have heard of A.A.s who select a
total stranger (even one who speaks only another
language) to hear their fifth. This might satisfy the
first reason above for the step. However, it deprives
the one taking the step of the response that is so vital
to growth. Moreover, it makes sense to take this step
with your sponsor or a person to whom you will turn
for guidance in the future. When they are informed
by the step and future discussions, they can help you
see your patterns and provide the continuity that is
necessary for unlearning old habits and initiating new
(and healthy) ones.
The best approach is to select your partner, at least on
a conditional basis, before you begin your step 4 in
earnest. They may have definite ideas as to what they
want to see when you take your fifth.
Needless to say, you will want more than concern,
experience and wisdom from your partner. He or she
must be absolutely trustworthy. Not a single episode
from your revelation should ever leave their lips. One
of the best ways of evaluating the ability of your
partner to preserve private information is to listen as
they talk about others. Do they engage in gossip? Do
they reveal things about others you wouldn't want
revealed about yourself?
When? It makes little sense to have an inventory
riding around in your pocket. Once you've selected
your partner, make an appointment and go to it.
Preparation. The Big Book is clear that once you
have finished your step four writing, you are to
review your lists, analyze what they mean, and learn
something from what you have written. Your analysis
will be augmented in step five, but you should not
leave all the thinking up to your guide.
Read page 66 again. We are reluctant to repeat the
book. However, some of the points it makes cannot
be left without comment:
27. The world is, indeed imperfect, and our lives
have been touched by injustice. Our typical
reaction has been to try to fix the world. When
that didn't work—it never does—we got good
and sore and bitched and drank at it. Only in
sobriety have we learned there is but one thing in
this universe that we can and must try to
influence. You guessed it—self. Many of us
have then discovered a miraculous truth. When
we set about to have our Creator manage our
lives, we are often empowered with incredible
influence over people near us and in the world
around us. The catch (wouldn't you know there
would be one) is that we must not attempt to
exercise self-will.
28. The power of resentment far exceeds any
conception we had of negative thinking. Were
you aware that:
• ..a life which includes deep resentment leads
only to futility and unhappiness.
• The hours in which we allow futility and
unhappiness in our lives are not worth while.
Resentments waste our lives.
• Resentments shut us off from the sunlight of
the Spirit, thereby preventing the
maintenance and growth of a spiritual
experience.
• When shadowed from the sunlight of the
Spirit, the insanity of alcohol returns, we
drink again, and we die.
• Harboring of resentments is fatal.
Most alcoholics have a deep—almost pathological—
sense of justice. If we are wronged (meaning often
that we did not get what we wanted), or even conjure
up the notion that we might have been wronged, we
find full justification to express anger or harbor
resentment. It then seems almost a duty to carry a
justified resentment. Otherwise those who have
wronged us would get off scot-free. And that
wouldn't be right, would it? So, we waste our God-
given lives judging and punishing our fellows.
Relinquishing a justified resentment is one of the
most difficult experiences known to the alcoholic.
Yet, it must be done! There is striking evidence that
resentment creates a physical poison in our bodies, in
addition to the mental and spiritual maladies it feeds.
And, how do we rid ourselves of resentments?
Hopefully, this process began in step 4. Our list holds
the key.
a) Note the message of the column headings:
Column #1) Who do you hold a grudge against?
Column #2) What did they do that you found
offensive? Column #4) How did you contribute
to their action? and Column #3) Why did you
react with a resentment?
The first lesson is that resentments cannot be cleared
up until we know we have them and why. The second
lesson is that we have made ourselves vulnerable to
the outside world to an extraordinary extent. Our
entire self concept has been molded by the opinions
and actions of others and our old thinking as to what
we ought to be and were.
b) Next, it is necessary to be willing to let go of the
resentment. You will learn more about this in step
six. Moreover—and the Big Book doesn't give as
much help here as it might—we must forgive the
person we resent. There will be more discussion of
forgiving others in step eight. Just accept right now
that you are going to have to do it! There is no other
course.
Now look at your fear list. For most of us, fear is the
underlying cause of resentments, greed and negative
behavior with others. This will be discussed further in
step six.
Finally, the harm you have done others, whether
relating to sex or not, needs to be thought through.
Why did you do what you did?
The ultimate key given you in the Big Book is the oft
repeated notion that your life is now on a different
basis. A basis is a foundation—that upon which all
the rest stands. Your new basis is trusting and relying
upon God.
Character Defects. You will note in the steps these
phrases: the exact nature of our wrongs, defects of
character and shortcomings. Here we have three
different ways of saying defects of character, which,
according to Webster, are the habitual traits of
defective thought and behavior which distinguish a
person:
The dictionary on CHARACTER
3. An attribute , quality, or property; esp., a
distinguishing attribute.
5. The aggregation of distinctive qualities belonging to
an individual...; the stamp of individuality impressed
by nature, education, or habit...
6 The estimate put upon a person of thing; reputation;
repute.
7. Moral vigor or firmness, esp. as acquired through
self discipline.
We have heard folks point out that nature in "...the
exact nature of our wrongs..." is singular. We have
performed many wrongs, but there is but one
underlying nature for our wrong doing. Having given
this idea some thought, we conjectured that
separation from God or self-centeredness might be
our singular wrong. However, the text in the step
could also be interpreted that each wrong might have
its own and different nature. Understand it as you
will, discuss it with your sober associates, and then
move on. There just might not be a "right" answer to
this one.
We have assembled on the last page a short catalogue
of character defects, which you may expand or
condense as you see fit. At the end of your step five
you should know which of these apply to you. In the
[ ] to the left of each candidate in the catalogue you
can place a check mark [P] if it applies sometimes, an
[X] if it is a real problem, or just leave it blank [ ].
These are the things we become willing to have
removed from us in Step 6. Please notice that
unreasonable judges, nagging partners, dictatorial
bosses, stupid drivers, overdrawn checking accounts,
falling hair and warts are not on the list.
Conduct of your fifth will be guided by your partner,
who will be delighted that you have not brought the
great American novel, and that you have followed the
tried and true formula in the Big Book (as modified,
perhaps by their prior direction). They will usually
ask you to read your fourth to them. Much valuable
communication will be provided by your expressions
and voice in addition to your words. If they take
notes, which is rare, they will give them to you
before you leave. They are yours. This step takes
anywhere from 2 to 8 hours. Schedule enough time,
especially in recognition that many partners will
combine steps five, six, seven and eight in one
sitting.
Promises: we have a whole page on promises. We
can't resist repeating here what A.A. members are
promised at the completion of a successful Step 5.
"Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing,
1. (W)e are delighted.
2. We can look the world in the eye.
3. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease.
4. Our fears fall from us.
5. We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator.
6. We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now
we begin to have a spiritual experience.
7. The feeling that the drink problem has
disappeared will often come strongly.
8. We feel we are on the Broad Highway, walking
hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe. "
In many meetings we are read the alleged "12
promises" (actually the 18 beginning at the bottom of
page 83). Upon reflection, the promises from Step 5
might be even more wonderful. Go to Promises and
discover for yourself.
Writing: for once, there is no writing you need to do
in advance of step five other than your inventory.
Note, though, that at the conclusion of your
presentation be sure that you have at least three
pieces of paper to take home with you:
1. The first will be a list of your defects of
character. If you like, use the list on the next
page by checking off the character defects that
apply to you. This list will guide steps 6 and 7.
2. You should also have a preliminary list of
persons you have harmed for step 8 (This will
be a combination of the sexual injury [4d] and
persons you have harmed lists [4e] from step 4.).
3. Retrieve a list of the names of the persons you
still resent. You will probably find it necessary
to forgive them in order for the resentment to be
removed.
It is often a good idea to burn the inventory you
brought with you. More on this in step 7.
The principle of Step 5 _____________________.
.
Defects of CHARACTER
[ ] Abusing
[ ] Fear * [ ] Pessimism
others
[ ] Filthy-
[ ] Anger 7 [ ] Prejudice
mindedness
[ ] Arguing [ ] Gluttony 7 [ ] Pride 7
[ ] Procrastination
[ ] Arrogance [ ] Gossiping *
*
[ ] Boasting [ ] Greed 7 [ ] Recklessness
[ ] Cheating [ ] Hate * [ ] Resentment *
[ ] Closed-
[ ] Hopelessness [ ] Revenge
mindedness
[ ] Cold-
[ ] Immodesty [ ] Sarcasm
heartedness
[ ] Complaining [ ] Impatience * [ ] Secretiveness
[ ] Controlling [ ] Self
[ ] Injustice
others condemnation *
[ ] Corrupt
[ ] Insincerity * [ ] Self-indulgence
companions
[ ] Self-
[ ] Cowardice [ ] Insulting
justification *
[ ] Criticizing * [ ] Intolerance [ ] Self-pity *
[ ] Dependency [ ] Irresponsibility [ ] Selfishness *
[]
[ ] Jealousy * [ ] Sloth 7
Destructiveness
[ ] Deviousness [ ] Laziness * [ ] Theft
[ ] Dishonesty * [ ] Lewdness [ ] Thrill-seeking
[ ] Enviousness * []
[ ] Lust 7
7 Thoughtlessness
[ ] Exaggeration [ ] Lying * [ ] Uncleanness
[ ] Excess [ ] Meddling [ ] Vulgarity *
[ ] Fanaticism [ ] Miserliness [ ] Waste
[ ] Negative
[ ] Favoritism
thinking *
* One of 20 character defects identified by an
early member of A.A.
7 One of the "Seven Deadly Sins" (try the
mnemonic, "GAPLEGS", or, better yet,
"PAGGLES")
6
6) Were entirely ready to have God remove all
these defects of character.
That is what the authors of the Big Book and millions
before you did. To personalize the step for your study
and action in the here and now, however, you may
wish to rephrase it as:
STEP SIX. I am entirely ready for God to remove
all my defects of character
READING FOR STEP SIX
Big Book: Chapter 6, Into Action.
Page 76, paragraph 1, line 1-7
12&12: Step 6
STEP 7 WORKSHEET
"My creator
"
"
"
"
"
"
Big
Chapter 6, Into Action.
Book:
From: Page 76, line 15 Thru: Page
82.
12&12: Step 8
HARMS, IN GENERAL
1. harm—the result of instincts in collision in which we
cause physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual damage to
people. [12&12, page 83, line 1]
2. {The alcoholic illness) ..brings misunderstanding, fierce
resentment, financial insecurity, disgusted friends and
employers, warped lives of blameless children, sad wives
and parents-anyone can increase the list. [BB, page 18, line
7]
3. hurt [BB, page 76, line 30]
4. smarts from our injustice [BB, page 77, line 6]
5. where we have been at fault, [12&12, page 79, line 6]
6. people [we have] hurt [12&12, page 79, line 23]
7. wretched conduct [12&12, page 81, line 3]
8. damaged others who were still happily unaware of being
hurt [12&12, page 81, line 10]
9. injure others [12&12, page 84, line 3]
10. disturb others [12&12, page 84, line 3]
11. He does absurd, incredible things while drinking. [BB,
page 21, line 14]
ANTI-SOCIAL HARMS
1. discrediting [another person] [BB, page 80, line 10]
2. destroying the reputation of another [BB, page 80 line 12]
3. disgrace...family [BB, page 80, line 17]
4. ruinous slander [BB, page 80, line 23]
5. given offense [12&12, page 84, line 4]
6. becomes disgustingly and even dangerously anti-social.
[BB, page 21, line 20]
EMOTIONAL HARMS
1. [extramarital]...affair [BB, page 81, line 10]
2. [putting others]...through hell [BB, page 80, line 15]
3. broken hearts [BB, page 82, line 25]
4. dead relationships [BB, page 82, line 26]
5. affections uprooted [BB, page 82, line 26]
6. selfish sex conduct [12&12, page 83, line 8]
7. callous [12&12, page 83, line 14]
8. cold [12&12, page 83, line 14]
9. irritable [12&12, page 83, line 14]
10. critical [12&12, page 83, line 15]
11. impatient [12&12, page 83, line 15]
12. humorless [12&12, page 83, line 15]
DISRUPTIVE HARMS
1. selfish habits [BB, page 82, line 27]
2. inconsiderate habits [BB, page 82, line 27]
3. a home in turmoil [BB, page 82, line 27]
4. human wreckage left in [our] wake [12&12, page 79, line
19]
5. our behavior... has aggravated the defects of others
[12&12, page 80, line 20]
6. strain...[their] patience [12&12, page 80, line 21]
7. [bring] out the very worst in [others] [12&12, page 80
line 22]
8. tempers are consistently bad [12&12, page 83, line 3]
9. lie [12&12, page 83, line 4]
10. irresponsible [12&12, page 83, line 14]
11. show favoritism [12&12, page 83, line 15]
12. dominate others [12&12, page 83, line 16]
13. wallow in depression [12&12, page 83, line 20]
14. wallow in self-pity [12&12, page 83, line 21]
15. make living with us difficult and often unbearable
[12&12, page 83, line 22]
16. incredibly dishonest and selfish [BB, page 21, line 26]
Amending harms done to others since you sobered
up, and whom you might still be harming today.
Step 8 is concerned with harms of the past. Step 10
corrects harms of the present. But, it is a good idea to
make a few points about the nature of harm that we
might bring upon others. If we stole while we were
practicing the drink profession, it's time we stopped
stealing. Right now! If we were insolent, demanding,
sarcastic and critical, especially to those who tried to
love us, we must learn to stop hurting them–even
when we think they deserve it. If we are careless, and
we smoke in A.A. meetings, we should look at the
fact that second-hand smoke kills over 50,000 people
in the USA every year. Where does the Big Book say
we have acquired a right to kill or maim our fellow
alcoholics while we continue addictive gratification
in public?
rectify : v.
1. right, set right, put right, make right, correct, adjust,
regulate, straighten, square; focus, attune; mend,
amend, emend, fix, repair, revise; remedy, redress,
cure, reform.
One might even use the definition of the word,
"repair", to express their meaning:
SELF CORRECTION
...sweep away the debris which has accumulated out of
our effort to live on self-will. [BB, page 76, line 22]
...demonstration of good will [BB, page 77, line 13]
...sweep off our side of the street [BB, page 77, line 32]
...sit down with the family and frankly analyze the past
as we now see it. [BB, page 83, line 2]
...We clean house with the family... [BB, page 83, line
7]
...asking each morning in meditation that our Creator
show us the way of patience, tolerance, kindliness and
love. [BB, page 83, line 8]
...The spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it..
[BB, page 83, line 11]
...Our behavior will convince them more than our
words. [BB, page 83, line 15]
...There may be some wrongs we can never fully right.
[BB, page 83, line 19]
...Some people cannot be seen—we send them an
honest letter. [BB, page 83, line 22]
...We should be sensible, tactful, considerate and
humble without being servile or scraping. [BB, page
83, line 25]
RESTITUTION
...repair the damage [we have] done in the past. [BB,
page 76, line 21]
...set right the wrong [BB, page 77, line 12]
...straighten out the past [BB, page 77, line 32]
...arranging the best deal...[of repayment]...we can [BB,
page 78, line 21]
...reparations [BB, page 79, line 5]
...sent...money [BB, page 79, line 29]
...willing to go to jail [BB, page 79, line 30]
...make a public statement [BB, page 80, line 15]
...[make]...good to the wife or parents [BB, page 82,
line 19]
...reconstruction [BB, page 83, line 1]
APOLOGY
...confessing our former ill feeling [BB, page 77, line
27]
...expressing our regret [BB, page 77, line 27]
...we let these people know we are sorry [BB, page 78,
line 21]
...admitting faults [BB, page 79, line 28]
...admit our fault [BB, page 81, line 21]
...asking forgiveness [BB, page 79, line 28]
...A remorseful mumbling that we are sorry won't fill
the bill at all. [BB, page 83, line 2]
Big
Chapter 6, Into Action.
Book:
From: Page 84, line 16 Thru: Page
86, line 18.
12&12: Step 10
Big
Chapter 6, Into Action.
Book:
From: Page 85, line 28 Thru: Page
88.
Appendix II, Spiritual Experience,
page 569
12&12: Step 11