Cimientos de Santa Rafaela

Inmaculada Yahez, a.c.i.
FOUNDATIONS
FOR A
BUILDING
Saint
Raphaela
Mary of
the Sacred
Heart of
Jesus
Translated from the Spanish by NORAH BIRCH, a.c.i.

F O U N D A T I O N S
FOR A
B U I L D I N G
Saint Raphaeia Maty of the

Sacred Heart
by
INMACULADA YANEZ
Translated from the Spanish
by
NORAH BIRCH, A.C.I.

I N D E X
PART ONE
(1850-1877)
Chapter I - THE BACKGROUND OF THE FIRST CALL 5
Pedro Abad. In a humble land open to the sun 5

«Our Father*: a prayer lived rather than learned 7
Solitude and plenitude of an adolescent 13
«My mother's death...» 16
Chapter II - ON THE WAY 18
«We have been served long enough._» 18

The spiritual direction of Fr. Jos6 Maria Ibarra 24
«The Lord has provided many means, and has prepared many
paths* 26
Two diverse temperaments, a common vocation 27
Holy Cross ... Ôbedience to our lawful superiors is what has guided us
since we left home* 29
Chapter III - ^THROUGH DINT OF UNMAKING PLANS, THE PLAN

OF THE HEART OF JESUS WAS ACCOMPLISHED...* 31
« The work we had been advised to undertake* 31
A new person appears on the scene 32
Marie Reparatrice Novitiate in Cordova 34
«Let us leave the mystery to God's blessed wisdom and justice ...» . . 35
Novice and Superior 38
The first plan of an Institute 41
«We want the rules of S t Ignatius. J » 44
«Why don't we go away?» 46
have no desire to be a foundress!* 48
iv
Index
Sleepless nights, and busy days in Cordova and Andtijar

"Even if Father dies we shall go on»
Fr. Joaquin Cotanilla, the Grst Jesuit in this story ! !
«A11 they did was hope~!»
Chapter IV - «WHO PLANNED THE EXISTENCE OF THIS

WORK?»
67
« Neither Fr. Antonio's plan, nor that of those other priests, nor
anything which anyone wanted succeeded...). g7
G d s
« ' ^ y s c a n n « t ^ measured by the trivial standards of
men.„» , . .
7Q
Upon the solid foundation of her humble life 72
«AI1 due to the grace of our God...» ^ 75
PART TWO
(1877-1887)
Chapter I - MADRID, CRADLE OF THE INSTITUTE 79
In a corner of Madrid 7g
1877: in the Spain of the Restoration 34
Heroic times of the Institute 92
«Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, the chief object of our gathering,, 97
«The journey of reconciliations» 102
The Grst statutes ^
«See how beautiful it is for brethren to live in union log
In Obelisk Parade. The joy of «having Christ to be adored by the
people*
Christmas 1879. Taking stock 123
Chapter II - FIRST EXPANSION O F T H E INSTITUTE (1880-1883) 127
The Expansive strength of unity

«The town in which this Institute began» '" 12g
Index iii
Towards definitive approval 133

Inauguration of the church in Cordova 138
Difficulties with the Bishop 140
Roots of a prohlem 142
«Everything from Rome usually takes a long time 147
Foundation in Jerez de la Frontera 153
Building up fraternal communion 160
A change in the Nunciature in Madrid, and new steps towards
approval 173
Chapter 111 - A CHURCH WELL FOUNDED ON TROUBLES 176
«A new year is in sight 176

The unfortunate conflict with an architect 177
A letter with details 179
Another architect and other plans 183
Death of a great protector 184
Helping «to make a house for God» 186
Chapter IV - BUILDING WALLS AND LAYING NEW FOUNDA-

TIONS 187
The anxieties of 1885 187

Walls rising amid trouhles 187
Living and dying singing 191
The Bishops of Spain praise the Institute 192
Contrasts 1%
Foundation in Saragossa 197
Bilhao 201
Chapter V - A VERY BUSY YEAR AND A CHANGE OF NAME 203
At last, the «Decretum laudis* 203

Handmaids of the Sacred Heart: «This name means so much* . . . . 205
A hasty secret journey 206
Index
*Our good Fr. Cotanilla united with Fr. Antonio will help from
heaven» 210
TTie Constitutions and the demands of daily living 213
Writing to so many Bishops, life is endless» 216
Anthology of praise in Latin and Spanish 218
One year ends in Rome and in Madrid 219
Chapter VI - PAPAL APPROVAL AND T H E ELECTION OF T H E

GENERAL GOVERNMENT 222
29th January 1887 222

Leading up to an election 223
Preparations for the General Congregation 225
The tension of the Cnal days 229
A unanimous election and a painful moment 231
PART THREE
(1887-1893)
Chapter I - PERPETUAL PROFESSION 239
The setting for a new stage 239

After the election 241
Plan for new foundations 246
«God grant that we succeed with education» 248
Preparing for perpetual profession 251
Difficulties of the school in La Coruna 255
Foundation in the centre of Madrid and conflict with the Bishop . . 258
M. Pilar delays her profession 264
«At all costs* 272
Index v
Chapter II - «... LET US ALL CONTINUE UNITED AS ONE,

SUPPORTING ONE ANOTHER* 275
Visiting the houses 275

Difficult situation in the house in central Madrid 283
M. Pilar makes her perpetual profession 288
Events leading to the foundation in Cadiz 291
Two coincident struggles 292
«... All this is permitted by the One who is directing us in
everything...* 296
«May there be no more deaths, if that is what should he. Pray for
301
«... To purify the soul ...» 303
Chapter III - A HAPPY VENTURE AND A BITTER RETURN 306
Universal like the Church 306

«Seeing the world revives one's zeal» 309
«This holy city» 311
«It seems impossible that we are going to see Our Lord in the Blessed
Sacrament exposed here» 314
Mazzella, Protector: «Yes, the Jesuit Cardinal, that one...* 315
M. Sacred Heart's absence 317
The foundation in Rome accepted hy His Holiness 323
«As soon as I can leave them with a tabernacle, I shall depart at
327
A way of salvation for the house in the centre of Madrid 330
On the eve of return 332
A terrihle meeting 336
«Neither in the Mothers nor in myself was there anything hut good
zeal» 339
M. Pilar goes to Rome 342
Chapter IV - MAIN CHARACTERS IN THE DRAMA OF A DECI-

SIVE YEAR (1891) 344
Exhausting the means 344

«This is the hour and the power of darkness* 346
«What I feel is being unahle to hit the mark and to please people* 349
vi Index
«Tbe spirit of simplicity wins my heart» 350

«I am ready to give my life for peace» 355
M. Pilan «Pray for me; truly, I am in great need» 358
find it very hard to bear this silence of yours...» 261
Chapter V - UNSUCCESSFUL ATTEMPTS 3^
A slow agony ^
Unacceptable proposition
A useless journey
Fr. V£lez' intervention 376
«What I am planning is my resignation,> 377
«If this is a cross from Our Lord, I do not want to cast it away from
me>>
379
Absolute solitude ^
Chapter VI - ON THE ROAD TO RESIGNING

384
Reports for the Cardinal Protector 384
«As if you were speaking to Our Lord Himself...,, 3g 7
M. Pilar returns from Rome 392
t o m o r r o w I leave for Rome I am being sent and I am very happy
to fulfil His most holy will» 397
Delegation of powers to M. Pilar 399
An irregular situation ^
A painful silence ^
A circular letter to the houses of the Institute 406
«While Our Lord is leading you along that way ...» 4Q8
Suspicions and fears 409
Chapter VII - «MAY HE LOVE ME EVEN T H O U G H IT MEANS LO-

SING MY SKIN» . . ' '
414
«God never fails me; may He be blessed,, 414

«To follow Him even more closely than up till now» 419
«May Our Lord's will be fulfilled in me even though it costs me my
hfe>>
423
1893. Watched and spied upon 425
Index vii
«Here they say quite openly that she is not right in the head» . . . . 427
«lt is as if someone is tormenting a child...* 429
The resignation «... looking only at the good of the Institute» 431
Memorable audience 436
«A life crucified with you ...» 437
PART FOUR
(1893-1925)
Chapter I - «THE GREATEST WORK THAT I CAN D O FOR

MY GOD...» 441
«... Pray and gently do all I can ...» 441

«We have come to be Religious ...» 443
«See only the divine will in all that happens* 446
Chapter 11 - FINAL APPROVAL OF T H E CONSTITUTIONS (1894) 449
The «wrongs» of an election 449

«... The great struggle began here* 452
«My task is to be silent, to pray and to suffer* 454
The Constitutions, «as similar as possible to those of S t Ignatius* 455
Another new draft? 456
«... She is not told anything, and how could anything be said?* . . . 460
«Just in passing I have understood* 461
M. Pilar's remarks on the Constitutions 463
«1 have said that 1 would like to see the Constitutions...* 468
In no way present the work 469
«Seeing that God has allowed this to happen...* 471
«1 am paying for my had behaviour to that martyr...* 474
«... I don't even want heaven unless it is His will...* 475
«... May God not allow them to touch the Blessed Sacrament..* . . . 478
«How hitter is the chalice of Christ!* 479
M. Sacred Heart, «is a saint» 481
vm Index
Chapter 111 - A PILGRIMAGE WICH SYMBOLISED A PERIOD . . 483
In difficult monotony 4g3

*Thus will they shine in such great poverty® 485
«He is the Master of the Institute® 490
«If the past could be forgotten and I could he the same as
everyone...* 492
Chapter IV - TO BECOME LIVING FOUNDATIONS 497
The troubled decade of the Nineties 497

«„. How completely we imitate our Master hy uniting adoration of Jesus
exposed in the Blessed Sacrament to teaching...» 499
«I am trying to master my character.-* 502
«With my desires, which are very strong, I work with everyone» . . . 503
«How much I remember with a contrite and repentant heart in the
presence of Our Lord...?» 506
«How can I not mention that I remember you?» 508
«... These knotty prohlems are in omnipotent hands...» 512
«... God permits me to be deprived of liberty» 514
Chapter V - A DIFFICULT CHANGE OF CENTURY 516
«„. To expiate my conduct towards my poor predecessor...» 516

Death of Mazzella and the intervention of Fr. La Torre 517
«If this house does not change...» 519
«If I succeed in becoming a saint..» 522
Sharing the sweet joy of hope 525
«I ask God to enlarge your heart...» 528
Risky decisions 529
«May Our Lord give you strength for the struggle...* 532
EfTects of the «Uhao case* 534
«The Master will gain glory from everything; this is a consolation:* 537
«CouId you come to Burgos as superior?® 538
«Union, for love of God» 541
Index IX
Chapter VI - THE «PASSION» OF M. PILAR 546
«I have received a terrible letter, it is awful...* 546

The reply to the Cardinal 550
«... God Our Lord has made me see how unjust I was* 553
Rome, Villa «Spithover* 556
Mgr. Guisasola intervenes 558
«I prayed and suffered unspeakably in silence...* 560
«Pray for faith, humility, patience, fortitude and constancy for me» 561
«... My sorrows in the wound of your Heart-* 564
«The Pilot is very sure, and He will save us...* 566
«... I am condemned without a hearing ...» 569
«... In the First place, the heroic and holy M. Sacred Heart* 573
«... the hour in which Our Lord was pierced with the lance* 575
«The whole sorrowful tragedy is over—* 578
«God had his plans for them both, but together* 578
Chapter VII - «WHEN GOD'S WORK, THE CONGREGATION,

HURTS US...* 581
«Always crying out towards heaven, the true country* 581

The duty of consoling 581
«I tiy to imprint all your advice on my heart..* 583
«... I am becoming like you ...» 587
Separated, but close 589
Upheaval in the Institute 590
«... This is not from God, no, no ...» 593
«... I am in this world as in a great temple ...» 595
Final preparations for the General Congregation 598
«... This holy independence of the true children of God* 600
The joys of a journey to Spain 603
«What a great saint!* 605
«Rejoice at everything, for it is God's will* 607
«A great affliction weighs upon the Congregation* 608
«... The beautiful spirit of charity and simplicity is being lost..* . . . 610
Your letters «console me more than you think* 612
«... I do not want to have loose ends ...» 615
«Let us become holy, and nobody will do more for the Institute than
we» 619
«We..., the foundations...* 622
Index
The General Congregation of 1911 624

M. Purfsima, General «ad vitam» (for life) 626
Chapter VIII - «MAY WE FASHION WELL OUR HOUSE IN THE

HOMELAND»
629
«... With our face to the ground giving thanks ...» 629
«... I speak to God and 1 ask Him to enlighten me and lead me ...» 631
«... Not want to be or appear to be anything in this life>» 634
«Being grateful is what is left for me...» 637
«To please Him alone...» 638
«Our Lord knows how to separate the wheat from the chafT» 639
M. Pilaris final months 642
«This sacred, strengthening Bread...® 643
«Happy she!» ^645
A «Te Deum» repeated three times 647
«„. A foundation of the Congregation is going ...» 648
Chapter IX - RUNNING TOWARDS HEAVEN WITH A FIRM

STEP
652
Lovely, helpful charity 652
«... he did not know that she had heen the foundress* 654
Family letters
«I give thanks to Our Lord for his great favours to us...» 660
«But, how good is M. Sacred Heart!» 662
«Go forward with courage until the end» 664
«... We are all fruit of the love of His Heart...» ' | 666
«... the holy will of Our Lord always and in everything ...» 669
«™ and to all my sisters» 671
«Let us be humble, humhle, humhle...» 672
«... Thou hast been faithful...» 673
EPILOGUE 677
PART ONE
(1850-1877)
Chapter 1
THE BACKGROUND OF THE FIRST CALL
Pedro Abad. ID a humble land

open to the sun ...
1st March 1850.
Winter was hastening towards spring in that bright land where by that
time the sun was warm and the first poppies were in bloom. It was mid-
afternoon, the time when all nature is golden, her colours warm. The workers
were beginning to return from their work whistling their tunes, and the newly
opened furrows were resting in the field until the following morning.
As they walked home the countrymen could see their village. How
small it was, how white! The little whitewashed houses, so very clean. The
green olives. The tower of the hermitage where the first storks had made their
nests.
ln the centre of the town, the gentleman's house; the mayor's house.
There was unusual movement at the front door, and happy murmuring. The
lady had just had a little girl; a lovely girl. Raphaela Maria Porras Ayll6n had
come into the world. She was the tenth child, but three had died already at a
very early age. But in spite of all, she came to a happy, numerous family. The
three young boys: Francisco aged fifteen; Juan Celestino, nearly fourteen and
Antonio, twelve, gazed upon her with the mixture of curiosity and affection of
young brothers; and so also did the three younger ones who would soon be
their companions at games: Ramon, not yet six years old; Dolores who was
nearly four and Enrique, who was just two that day. Life was not to be very
boring for that little creature.
Anyone in Pedro Abad today knows the details of the life of Raphaela
Mary, the child born on 1st March 1850. Her house, the Porras' house, stands
in the most important street of the town, which until recently was the main
road to Madrid .
That house was also well known in 1850; well-known, familiar. It was
the same building which we see today, solid, plain, almost austere if its severity
^ As that road enters the town, passing the first houses, there is a sign with an invitation to
visit Raphaela Mary's birth place. The family house is situated a few hundred yards along the
road.
6 Part one: 1850-1877
had not been softened by the presence of flowers. There was one storey above
the ground floor. Over the main door was a wide balcony. The other windows
both above and below were carefully protected by railings: dark strips making
a background for the joyful, lively geraniums.
It was a joy to go to that house on the bright days of spring and
summer. A cosy, welcoming, family world could be glimpsed through the iron
gate between the entrance and the interior of the house. During the day the
outer door was left open, and sometimes the wrought-iron inner gate was half
open, through which the patio could be seen. How delightful was life around
a courtyard, round one of those little gardens set in the heart of the houses in
Andalusia! Just like so many other families in that part, the Porras children
grew up m contact with a nature fitted to the size of the family and home with
vivid flowers, water dancing from the fountain in the courtyard.
In 1850 the Porras' house was not only the largest and richest in the
town. The head of the Porras family was almost the owner and natural lord of
the land and people of Pedro Abad at a time when those rather patriarchal
families, like local rulers, seemed natural in such a tiny corner of the world
The family house was as simple as its country surroundings, but it was the
centre of a modest court. Don Ildefonso, Raphaela Mary's father was the
mayor of the town until his death, and he fulfilled his duties with the'rectitudc
and sense of duty which he was to bequeath to his children.
Dona Raphaela, the mother, was a great lady in that little corner of
Andalusia. She possessed all the virtues of her class, partly aristocratic partly
bourgeois, which certain tales of the era recall today: she was friendly with staff
without being hearty, she was hard-working and active, loved by her husband
and children, charitable to the poor ... In a society which gave little scope for
a woman, Dona Raphaela, just like others of her class, found her world within
her own home.
In 1850 news which stirred the world day by day and year by year
reached Pedro Abad discreetly muffled. Just as in the country spring and new
hie shoots forth without our realising the mysterious ways through which it
comes to us, so in society a new restlessness born of liberalism was spreading
abroad. It arose in different places, at times bursting forth in violence at other
toes repressed, but history continued to go forward, continued the unchanging
course of nature which lives, creates and develops continually.
By the middle of the century Spain was very close to one of those
outbursts which change the routine rhythm of life. Isabel II, the «ill-fated one»
was queen. With inexcusable frivolity the Monarchy seemed to reject the weight
of its responsibilities. During the years of Raphaela Mary's childhood and
adolescence there were periods of progress and of political reaction in Spain,
7
years of turmoil and years of peace. Finally revolution broke out in Spain, at
the same time as there occurred some very important events in the life of the
girl who would one day become a saint. The year 1868 was the last in the life
of Dona Raphaela, widow of Ildefonso Porras. Many people were pleased that
the queen had crossed the French border. Very few were sorry. Then began the
six years of revolution, with more political changes than in the whole century.
They reached Pedro Abad quietly, but they did arrive. And the Porras
family, as the most important in the town, often felt the changes in politics and
the evolution of society of their times.
«Our Father»: a prayer lived rather than learned
Raphaela Mary's first memories, the first vague images of her infancy
must have been those around the one important event: the death of her father
on 11th September 1854. What could that have meant in the life of a child?
The tense restlessness of the illness, the painful waiting in the agony were far,
far above her understanding. In fact, she never spoke of the sorrow of those
days. She was four and a half years old, and at that age it is impossible to think
in one moment - as adults do • of the feelings and gaps in the days and years
to come; in her case that meant no sitting on her father's knee, no listening to
the sound of his feet on the tiles of the entrance hall, or the sound of his voice
as he returned from the fields humming a tune ...
Raphaela Mary knew her father very little. But she loved him and had
lively memories of him through her mother's love and remembrance. The
image of the just, charitable man grew within her heart over the years. Above
all he was a father. Father to the Porras family, a young patriarch - he died at
forty-seven years of age • for Pedro Abad. A man who loved with a strong,
pure, man's love: a love not given to words, but which is shown in self-denying,
often heroic acts. For D. Ildefonso sealed his good life with an heroic death.
He gave up his life, quite literally, for the poor when an epidemic of cholera
struck Pedro Abad mercilessly in 18542.
There are persons who overcome the limitations of social structures
by their attitude to life. In a world established on the basis of inequality which
we find unbearable today, Ildefonso Porras lived for justice. He even surpassed
it, and he did this in the only way possible in 19th century, as in all times: with
love. Witnesses to his conduct agree in speaking of him as an upright, simple,
2
One of the first Handmaids, M. Maria de la Preciosa Sangre (Mariana Vacas) wrote a
history of the foundation of the Institute (Chronicle), and she mentioned the infancy of the two
foundresses, the sisters Raphaela Mary and Dolores Porras.
8 Part one: 1850-1877
generous man. Ever a Christian. Through his own circumstances and those of
his family he could have been one of those local rulers of the last century who,
especially in the small villages, abused their situation. He was the owner of
extensive lands within the boundaries of Pedro Abad, and he could have been
happy living as a modest feudal lord. He was elected mayor, and also as a
political representative, and thus held almost unlimited power over the lives of
the countrypeople of that place. Yet his privileged position was only used in
benefit of every kind of person. As a chief, Don Hdcfoii.su was a very unusual
person .
Some events in the life of this just man were specially remembered by
his family . Besides administering his land, Don Ildefonso possessed a large
warehouse in Pedro Abad from which he provided the peasants of his own and
neighbouring towns. A contemporary account explains the purpose of that
wholesale establishment which was a great financial benJit for small proprietors
Most of them were poor, and they were able to manage, thanks to Don
Hdefonso's credit system, almost unlimited loans without interest. When anyone
died in debt to him, the master quickly cancelled the debt of the widow or sons.
Ildefonso and Raphaela Porras were always an exemplary couple. They
could have lived on their income, but such an idea never crossed their minds.
One witness stated: «They never ate the bread of idleness.*. Don Ildefonso was
an indefatigable worker. One day as he returned from a hard day's work
something very unusual happened Someone attacked him from behind. Who
could have been the enemy of such a good man? We do not know. We do
know, however, that the man misjudged his blow, and then fled. There was an
uproar in the village, all the people raised a cry against the wretched man. Don
Ildefonso was not greatly put out. He even remembered the poor sick wife of
the man who had treacherously tried to kill him; that very afternoon he went
to help her and he attended her with his own hands ...
It is not likely that Ildefonso Porras asked himself sometimes why his
family had attained a considerable fortune while other people of their tune, and
as hard-working as he, had to struggle to earn their livelihood. This would be
to ask him, from our point in time, for a clarity of vision which we do not have
ourselves. But his usual way of acting shows that he was not one of those
persons comfortably settled in life who find it easy to advise resignation to
those less favoured than themselves. Another event is very telling on this
3
A description of the "chkr or local ruler is to be found in most history books A skctch
describing most of the vices of the system is given by TUNON DE LARA in La Lisparm del siglo
XIX. l n e contrast between that image and that of Ildefonso Porras is remarkable.
Details of the life of Don Ildefonso Porras are given in accounts of the origin of the
Institute written by religious of the same.
9
account: Many years later a simple woman who then belonged to the Institute
of Handmaids recalled it with deep feeling: «My father was the tailor in their
house, and we also had a bakery where he worked for the family and the
retainers. Don Ildefonso was my father's recourse and consolation in every
difficulty, taxes, bad years, etc. My brother was called up for the army at the
same time as Don Ildefonso's son. My brother got one of the lowest numbers,
and the young man got the highest. My father was very upset, and he went to
tell Don Ildefonso and to ask him if it would be good to sell some land. With
his usual kindness he advised him not to sell anything, because he had many
sons and would have to do the same for them all. Then, very quietly he asked
my father for my brother's number. He took it and gave him his own son's high
number. So my father had his son freed» 5 .
When the cholera epidemic reached the town in 1854 Don Ildefonso
was given much advice. Some people told him it was a good time to go to
Cordova. Although it was not among the most advanced, there was no doubt
that the capital had more possibilities for medical help. Other people advised
him to go with his family to one of the more isolated farms in the country
around Cordova. Evidently the danger of contagion was less there. But Pedro
Abad was an easy prey for cholera, and the illness spread, especially among the
poor. Don Ildefonso, the mayor, stayed there. (How far he was from those
absentee owners whose only knowledge of their lands is the money they bring
in!) He stayed on in the midst of danger; and not as a simple on-looker, but
increasing his work, struggling and trying to outdo the evil with all his strength.
He fell in the end. He left a widow, sorrowful, but composed, who was
expecting a child within a few months. With her were another nine, the eldest
was 20 years old. He left something more: a kind of living presence in the
home, a symbol of all family virtues; the loving remembrance of a father who
was an example and gave some idea of the infinite love of the Father who is
in heaven.
On the death of Don Ildefonso the figure of his wife stands out in
special relief. Dona Raphaela took up the reins of the house with the gentle
energy which was always her distinctive characteristic. Stories of the Porras
family centre more on the father, and perhaps he deserved this treatment; but
the few details known about the mother are sufficient to depict her for us as
a woman of extraordinary courage, who filled the lives of her children with
kindness and serene joy. To do this she had to overcome her sorrow. When her
husband died she placed the care of the estate in the hands of the older boys
and one of her nephews, Sebastian, who was living with them. She sent the
other boys to Cordova to continue their studies, and concentrated on the
5
H. FRANCISCA DE JERONIMO, A.C.I., Dalm sobre las fundadoras.
10 Part one: 1850-1877
education of the two girls. She looked for a good tcacher to help her. Dolores
and Raphaela Mary Porras always retained a lively, grateful remembrance of
that tutor, Don Manuel Jurado, who was kind but rather strict. Strangely,
several witnesses recount a quite trivial detail - that sometimes the teacher
made his pupils cry. A revealing note which shows how normal the girls were;
they did not always feel like studying, and perhaps they were rather wilful at
times.
Don Manuel Jurado gave them that basis of human culture which was
to be revealed later on. It was a culture not built on very extensive knowledge,
as was customary for women at that time. But if it is a fact the style is the
person, and that we reveal our spirit in our use of words, then the writings of
Dolores and Raphaela Mary show forth their deep formation, which provided
them with the capacity to observe, and that deep understanding of things and
situations which is the mark of a truly cultured person. The two sisters wielded
the pen with skill. This applies particularly to the younger of the two. Her
extensive vocabulary, the liveliness of her comparisons, her skill in building up
her sentences, reveal a sensitive person who is at the same time a balanced
realist; they indicate the woman with the delicate psychological touch who was
to be the future saint.
Raphaela Mary made her first holy Communion when she was seven
years old. All her biographers have stressed the importance of this fact, seeing
that around that time, 1850, it was not usual for children to reccive
Communion so young. Some commcnt on the event and justify it on account
of her extraordinary diligence, for «joyful and lively as she was, she gave up a
good deal of her play time to study the catechism»6. This statement calls up
a picture of one of those child prodigies whom we meet at times. In fact,
contemporary sources never mention that the child of seven set herself to study
in her free time. It is difficult to imagine Raphaela Mary reading and rcciting
the catechism questions in the shade of a fig tree in the orchard. But we do see
her, listening attentively to her master's stories, her eyes bright with emotion,
and her heart beating fast. That child was four years younger than her sister
Dolores, but with all her heart she wanted to be with her for those lessons. She
had a lively intelligence and a good memory; but above all she had a great
capacity for wonder. Don Manuel's explanations were probably simple, but they
were surely vibrant, and typical of that age which so much encouraged
tenderness, feelings and a personal welcome of Christ.
In the catechesis for first Communion, Raphaela Mary found
explanations of what she had experienced in her short life. It was very easy for
her to understand the Our Father becausc she had had the human experience
6
E. RJOG, The Foundress of the Handmaids of the S.H. of Jesus.
C.I. The Background of the first call 11
of a father with his tenderness for the family and his generous providence for
the people. A series of pictures filled her first religious ideas. The visit to the
Christ of the hermitage when she and Dolores went with their mother and were
impressed as they gazed upon the figure of that Lord with great out-stretched
arms. The daily recitation of the Rosary, that rhythmic repetition of the Hail
Mary which so many times had been the background music of her slumber in
her father's arms: «...pray for us now and at the hour of our death. Amen».
(From time to time, with unusual frequency, death had invaded that household,
and Raphaela Mary had, in some way, become accustomed to the idea of the
fragility of this life, and of its eternal, mysterious prolongation. At seven years
of age she could remember three of her brothers who were already in heaven).
She had experienced the demands and sweetness, the work and the
rest, the joy and sorrow of a family. She had learned to give and had always
received much love. Praying, for her, was as simple as it is for flowers to open
themselves to the warmth of spring. She understood fraternity in the Church
as something as simple as love and life together with her brothers and parents.
Therefore she was in fact prepared for that first rather systematic explanation
of Christian faith. And so it was not nccessary for her to repeat the questions
and answers of the catechism mechanically, neither would it have been helpful
for her. Raphaela Mary was only seven, but she was extraordinarily receptive;
she was ready to know and accept the gift of God with love.
She received Holy Communion on 1st March 1857, her birthday. Her
sister Dolores made her first communion with her; she was some inches taller,
and had a very different temperament, perhaps she was less precocious. Those
two who were to travel many, long roads together through life, received
Communion together. And joy filled the house that day in spite of recent
mourning, and the mother's heart felt deeply the pain of so many separations,
and even more on festive occasions. A short time before - in 1856 - no less
than three children had died: Luisa Maria, three years; Juan Celestino, at 20,
and the little one born after the death of the head of the family; he was called
Alfonso and at twenty months was taking his first steps and babbling his first
words.
There are not many stories about Raphaela Mary as a child. Some of
them tell us of a child precociously drawn to work and retirement. Such a
description fits in very well with hagiographical writings, but it does not suit
reality so well ... If we have had the opportunity of knowing many children, we
may sometimes have seen some who, while still very young, bear the signs of
early maturity. But the gift of a precocious intelligence does not affect the
whole life of a child; it does not detract from that beautiful candour which will
only be lost with the passing of the years. Neither does it diminish the desire
to play which is a spontaneous form of living for a child, and a means of
transfiguring the world and its own life. Knowing all this, we can be sure, in
12 Part one: 1850-1877
spite of the scarcity of written sources, that Raphaela Mary enjoyed the
perfume of the fields in spring, and the strong wind, which inflated her clothes
against the frail weight of her little body. She had contact with nature, and had
the joy of marvelling before the miracle of life constantly renewed. She lived
a great deal in the open air; her face slightly tanned, her cheeks rosy pink.
After the death of the young Alfonso she was the youngest in the house, and
so became the centre of attention for them all. She enjoyed the family's special
affection, but she had to put up with the jokes of the older ones. Anyone who
has lived in a large family will remember times when brothers and sisters made
others suffer without realising it; in a certain way they can be rather cruel to
the younger ones. As the years go by these events appear as natural as the
inevitable illnesses of childhood, and are even remembered with nostalgia. No
normal person carries the marks of these childhood wounds into adult life. So
it is absurd when accounts of Raphaela Mary's childhood attach too much
importance to her sufferings caused by her brothers' «pcrsccution».
It is indeed certain that through her character and through
circumstances, the future saint had opportunities for giving way from her
earliest years. She became used to giving way to others. Her sister Dolores,
besides being quite opposite to her in temperament, was also four years older.
How could she not direct their games, or impose her will on the little one?
There was rarely cause for quarrels. Raphaela Mary generally accepted her
lead with the imitation natural to children who always admire the older ones.
As she began to grow she travelled along ways already trodden by Dolores.
They were both children at the same time, and as children they lived together
through important events, too great for their age: the death of their father
(when they were four and eight respectively); the death of three brothers (six
and ten); first communion (seven and eleven ...). Then the thousand events of
every day: lessons with D. Manuel Jurado, both seated at the same table in the
sitting room. Games in the courtyard. Their adventures in the family orchard -
their first awkward climbs up the trees, following their brothers. Their walks
in the countryside, through the bright, sunlit plain. It may be said that the two
sisters began to measure the size of the earth with their tiny steps, at the same
time.
No photographs of Raphaela Mary or of her sister as children have
come down to us. Our interest in the foundresses, and our special love for
everything concerning the Saint make our curiosity quite legitimate. What was
she like at seven years, at ten, at twelve? We try to imagine her with help from
the earliest literary descriptions. One of the first Handmaids tells us in her
biography that the little Raphaela was «always elegant and neat » , and then
7
M. MARIA DE LOS SANTOS MARTI RES, Biographical notes, p. 13.
13
she describes her as well-behaved and good-natured in a dress of dark alpaca.

Perhaps we could complete those vague lines by looking at the figures of young
children in paintings at the end of the century: those girls dressed in velvet,
stuffed into tightly buttoned dresses, with lace at collar and cuffs, and
underskirts embroidered with lace on the little flounces... Renoir's children,
with long hair tied at the back, holding a hoop in their hands, or posing beside
a swing ... But, if we really wish to recall her, it would better to look for her
among the children we see every day. The only mystery about her - for no one
is ever a copy, but is always original and irrepeatable - the only mystery is
hidden in a face very much like others we could see today. The face of one of
those children who can play like the others without any worries, yet who
suddenly surprise us with words and ideas arising from a miraculously innocent
early maturity. A face with extraordinarily deep eyes in the midst of its
simplicity; eyes which still have the ability to wonder, but which sometimes
shine with understanding, with a kind of fleeting, anticipated intuition of life.
Solitude and plenitude of an adolescent
Raphaela Mary's adolescence must have been marked by an inevitable

feeling of loneliness. Her sister, the natural companion of her games, crossed
over the threshold of that marvellous, new world which is youth several years
before she did. As we have said, she was four years older: this is nothing in the
life of two adults, an abyss at the time of growth. In the life of the younger
sister there must have been a period of isolation which was filled only partly by
the love and protection of her mother.
Some saints have related all their experiences in life. St. Thercse of the
Infant Jesus, for example, thinking thus to fulfil part of her mission, threw a
strong light on very small events, especially on the development of her
precocious mind. Raphaela Mary did not consider that necessary; the little she
wrote about herself refers to a later stage, to her youth, faced so suddenly with
deep sorrow.
If we rely on written sources we have to say that we possess only
vague, general details about those years of adolescence. Interpreting those
scanty details the most diffuse biography of the Saint tells us that «at twelve
years of age she preferred her needlework and solitude to the noisy games of
her friends, and she clung on to her lace while the others were running about
and excited ...»8. That picture would fit well into the Flos sanctorum in one of
the golden legends of medieval hagiography. In order to explain this unusual
8
E. ROIG, op. cit., p. 25.
14 Part one: 1850-1877
fact we must consider what it must have meant for Raphaela Mary to be so
much younger than her only sister. By that time Dolores must have found her
relaxation in something more interesting than running about and making a
noise in the courtyard. There must have been a lively group of young people,
counting the brothers, cousins and friends, of which Dolores, at sixteen, could
well have been the centre. For this lively band, the youngest one belonged to
a stage of life which they had recently left behind. They would have sent her
away very often, and she would have sought her own entertainments; doubtless
she was bored more than once, and as she was obliged to stay with older
persons she even learned to make lace and to embroider...
This situation did not last long. On account of the circumstances of the
family Raphaela Mary passed quickly from adolescence to youth. Their mother
could not bear to separate the two sisters, and this desire to keep them
together made her launch this girl of barely fourteen years into the life of
society. The elder girl was eighteen with a world of dreams before her.
When she was older Dolores looked back and recalled this stage of her
life. She says, and others confirm it, that for some time she thought of «staying
in the world». This, we might say, is using devout terms; it means she was
thinking of marrying, and she had had some definite proposals 9 . Life in
society, with its comfort and luxury appealed strongly to that open, attractive,
charming young girl. At her side Raphaela Mary appeared younger still; her
charm must have been especially in her sweet manner, rather reserved' and
ingenuous.
From 1864 we see the two sisters appearing in society in Cordova and
Cadiz and in Madrid. All witnesses speak of their modesty and good taste and
the simplicity of true elegance. As was normal at the time, the two sisters were
surrounded by a kind of family wall to defend their innocence. It was very
much Within the tradition of the Porras family and of their Christian idea of life
to take great care of the good name and modesty of the sisters. The elder
brothers, the bachelor uncles and the cousins were all proud of them and they
took them everywhere. Commenting on her experiences, Dolores confessed that
it cost her a great deal to break away from all that. Raphaela Mary was less
inclined to reveal the memories of her youth, so she wrote and said almost
nothing. But she must have felt in some way the attraction of the beautiful
world which was opening before her eyes. Some years later, her spiritual
director alludes in a letter to the «mcmories of the past life», to «those things
which you have left for Jesus Christ», and which now appear to her as an
9
Most of these details are to be found m a report written by Fr. Lesraes l<nas SJ. in 1906
based on oral information given by Dolores, M. Maria del Pilar.
15
attractive invitation10.
We would have to search all the sources with too much attention to
find mention of the «worldly activities» of Raphaela Mary. Quite apart from
this and from all the fancies with which we might interpret them in our own
imagination, is a fact of a very different kind. There is only one but it is of
great importance. Many years later she herself remembered it and wrote down
her memory in telling words:
«... On this day (25th March) in Cordova in 1865, in the parish

church of St. John, our own church today, I made my vow of perpetual
chastity*11,
It was the month of March 1865. Raphaela Mary was just fifteen, but
she knew very well what it meant to surrender oneself completely and for ever.
It was the beginning of spring, one of those springs spent in Cordova, in the
midst of the rather superficial joy of good society. Nature, and life itself, was
being renewed as it is every year; it broke forth from the orange trees, the
flowers, and floated in the atmosphere of the Andalusian town. All that beauty,
the loveliness of the whole world were as nothing for a heart like that of
Raphaela Mary, opened unconditionally to God's gift, and invaded by his Love.
The description of Raphaela's early youth would be incomplete, even
false, if we did not mention something about their social relationships. Then-
mother tried to make them aware of the darker, more realistic side of life. The
girls learned many things from Dona Raphaela: liberality, lavishness in
almsgiving, generosity, complete self-forgetfulness in giving oneself to those in
need. As they held their mother's hand while they were still young, they had
contact with poverty and pain. When they were a little older Dona Raphaela
shared her work with them, and her visits to the sick and poor of the village.
With words and living examples she taught them that true mercy does not
consist in giving from what we have over, but in opening our hearts generously
to all those in need.
The father's influence in that family had been very great. He had been,
in reality, the powerful trunk, well rooted in the earth. But for the two sisters
he would have been no more than a venerated memory if it had not been for
the mother who continued the course set by Don Ildefonso. The constancy and
gentle strength of that woman succeeded in making the life of that sorely tried
family a very loving one. It is significant that Raphaela Mary and her sister
10
Letter from Fr. jos<< M. Ibarra, 10th June 1873.
^ This sentence was added to the formula of a perpetual vow of observance, humility and
mortification made in Madrid on 1st May 1907,
16 Part one: 1850-1877
never refer to their infancy and early youth with sad memories. Their peaceful
life at home was a triumph for the mother, the earthly reward granted to one
who was above all a mother; that is, the one who gives life and increases it
because her love always overcomes her sorrow.
«My mother's death ...»
On 10th February 1869 Doha Raphaela died unexpectedly. A heart

attack at midnight; then three hours more, very brief for an illness, very long
for an agony. She died of a heart attaek; nothing strange about that, if we think
well. Her life ended after forty-nine years; years well, spent, full in God's eyes
and in the eyes of men.
She died in 1869, an eventful year for Spain, which had just started a
revolution, and would soon begin with a new political Constitution. How many
deep changes in the months and years to come! Yet they were all nothing to
the two young girls on that night of 10th February who were praying and
watching beside their dying mother. The event marked a new stage in their
lives. The effect was so great that Raphaela Mary, who was not fond of writing
autobiographical notes, left an account of it. She was always concise and
measured in her expressions, and she described her sorrow and her hope in
very few words. She was very sensitive; all the fibres of her being vibrated with
the shock of that sorrow never before experienced. She was also very mature,
and was able to bear misfortunes and to integrate suffering in the unity of her
person.
Years later she remembered the upset of that night. She, the younger
one, the timid one, had had to take the initiative in all the many and important
details which so strangely accompany a death, the most important event in life.
Dolores' nerve failed her, and for the first time she silently admitted the
strength and enormous consistency of her sister's character.
Raphaela Mary consigned to writing only two events from the whole
of her youth: the vow of chastity when she was fifteen, the beginning of
complete awareness of a life totally given up to God, and the death of her
mother. The paragraph in which she recounts this is very familiar to anyone
who knows something of the life of the Saint, but it is worth-while to transcribe
it again:
«Some events of my life in which I have clearly seen the mercy and
providence of my God. The death of my mother, whose eyes 1 closed
because 1 was alone with her at that moment, opened the eyes of my
soul with such disillusion that life seemed an exile to me. I took hold
of her hand and I promised Our Lord never to place my affection in
C.l. The Background of the first call 17
any earthly creature. And Our Lord, it seems, accepted my offering,

because during the whole of that day I was so filled with sublime
thoughts of the emptiness and nothingness of earthly things, and of the
one thing necessary, which was to aspire only to the eternal, that my
sorrow was almost, or completely, banished. This ejaculation was so
deeply imprinted in me that it became a stimulus for virtue not only
that day, but for my whole life: "I, why was I born? To be saved ... etc"
It continued to penetrate more deeply within me each day, and divine
Providence, which already had plans for me, continually placed objects
before my eyes which made me more and more disillusioned with the
world» 12 .
U
Spiritual notes 25, 1892.
Chapter II
ON THE WAY
«We have been served long enough ...»
Their mother's death began a new stage in the life of the two
foundresses. It is true that before this, Raphaela Mary had consecrated herself
to God with the decisive act of a vow of perpetual chastity. That was four years
before. Four years, during which she, almost a child, had accepted her family's
desires, and with her sister had followed the rules of the games of good society.
She had been very happy. In fact the «world» by which she was surrounded was
not seen as a terrible «enemy of the soul»; it was beautiful and good. She was
friendly and helpful and she filled the heart of her mother and of her brothers
with joy.
What had Raphaela Mary thought in her heart of all that activity? It
is not surprising that she should sometimes feel the allure of life, of some
amusements enjoyed fully in the purity of her heart. Nevertheless, she had
never felt tied to anything or to anyone. That 25th March 1865, her vow of
chastity was more than a memory, it was a demanding living experience: a
continual call to respond to God's love. She, just like her sister, took part in the
celebrations planned by the family. But - as one of the first Handmaids said
very well - «not one of them filled her heart* 1 .
As she watched beside the body of her mother on that night of 10th
February 1869, Raphaela Mary went through those happy years of her early
youth. As she herself tells us, when she closed her mother's eyes, her own were
opened to see everything in a new light. One might ask what did the experience
of sorrow add to the Christian maturity of a young creature who at fifteen years
of age had made an entire surrender of her whole being. When she tells us that
God then «placed almost continually before her eyes objects* which made her
more «and more disillusioned with the world*, what should we think? Had
perhaps the joy of previous years altered somewhat the radical position of her
life directed towards God? Or rather, did this new vision of the world, which
«seemed like exile» to her, lead her to deny the basic joy which is the
inheritance and demand of Christianity? We can believe tiiat the deep
experience of Raphaela Mary at her mother's death, left her far from either of
these alternatives. Her later life reveals this clearly. There was no real break
in her interior journey, rather she was confirmed in the way of self-surrender
1
M. PRECIOSA SANG RE, Chronicle I p. 3.
C.2. On the way 19
already begun. The fact is that in a few hours she had understood that in this
world there is no lasting happiness which is not transfigured in faith, in that
hope which does not end even with death. Her thoughts that night followed the
path of Psalm 89. Because the Lord who «brings all men to dust» who gathers
the harvest at the evening of life, is the same Lord who «sows us year by year
like grass that is renewed». And He is «our refuge from one generation to the
next» the One who does not desire death, but infinite, eternal life. This
synthesis of trust and of faith was for ever the basis of her later life.
The vow of chastity at the age of fifteen implied sincere self-giving,
together with a certain childish, eager joy. Children and adolescents are able
to be joyful in that way; they feel life exulting in their very body, in their young
veins through which their blood is rushing impetuously. The joy of children, if
it had to be written in music would always be composed in a major key; it has
the optimism and wonder of innocence. Raphaela Mary began her mature life
at the age of nineteen. The decisive event - the death of her mother - revealed
to her the other side of happiness: joy, serenity; deep Christian hope. Still using
the metaphor of music we could say that throughout the following years the
symphony of her life was frequently set in a minor key; the key of modest,
human joy, which can be very deep but which allows for the limitation of all
earthly things.
Exteriorly there was much change in the life of the Porras family. At
first that imposed by the social norms of the times - in those days sorrow in the
heart was shown outwardly in acts following strict rules; mourning was strictly
observed in 1869. Parties, journeys, noisy gatherings were over. The two sisters
stayed in the old family house, accompanied by three brothers, one of whom,
Antonio, would be married shortly after 2 . Ramon and Enrique stayed on with
them. The latter, the youngest boy in the family, was to be the cause of another
sorrow very soon. Two years after the mother's death he had a fall from a
horse, in consequence of which he developed tuberculosis. The «evil of the age»
did not pardon the life of the poor boy of twenty-three years. He died on 4th
May 1872 after a fierce struggle in which his nature refused to give in. With all
the strength of his body and spirit, Enrique wanted to live, and he rebelled in
desperation for some months at the idea of death. His sisters' efforts and
prayers, helped by the parish priest • a new priest of whom we shall say more
later on - obtained from God the gift of a calm, even happy, death.
A few months later Ramon, the only brother still living with them, was
married. So, in the space of three years they were left completely alone, and
hence more free to follow the kind of life which they had taken up in their
hearts some time before.
^ Francisco, the eldest, had married before his mother's death.

20 Part one: 1850-1877
Today, when we look back at the life led by Dolores and Raphaela
Mary between 1869 and 1873 we are surprised and we wonder. Their break
with the world is so complete, their self-giving to God and to the poor is so
generous that it was enough to fill their lives; it could be compared with that
of many canonised saints in the Church. But in reality that life was not
completely new. It had matured since their mother's death, but its roots were
struck years before. Later events were strengthening their decision, but they did
not bring about deep changes of direction. The truth Ls that Doha Raphaela
had planted a seed which was to be extraordinarily fruitful, perhaps in a way
she had never imagined.
But the family was annoyed. It was alright for them to give alms - as
long as they were not too extravagant. It was good for them to go to the church
- up to a certain point, of course. But to refuse to take part in social gatherings,
indeed, not to want to lead the kind of life which was theirs as a birthright ..'.
This was hard, and the three brothers now left after so many premature deatta,
were not prepared to allow it.
Anyone would have thought that the two young women were free to
do as they liked; but in reality they were hindered in a thousand ways by the
family. Raphaela Mary as usual, did not keep a diary to record their life at this
time. Many years later Dolores summed up her memories in a few short
paragraphs:
«My sister and I were orphans, and were greatly persecuted by our
closest relations ..., after four years' struggle, which was terrible, we
both decided to become religious with the Discalced Carmelite's in
Cordova» .
«A terrible struggle*: This is what Dolores called the time between

1869 and 1873. In other paragraphs of her notes she gives the details of that
struggle.
What were the sisters' activities which became so annoying, so
intolerable for Francisco, Antonio and Ramon Porras? There are many
anecdotes about this, and it must be acknowledged that Dolores and Raphaela
Mary were going beyond what would seem reasonable for any sensible person
If we tried to describe one of the sisters' days in a few words, we

would have to say that it was time completely given up to others. And this' not
only because at home they had intensified their previous rhythm of work, but
This is the first paragraph of an account of the origin of the Institute written by Dolores
between 1898 and 1899 when she was general superior.
C.2. On the way 21
because they had considerably amplified the radius of their activities.

They rose very early, at dawn. They combined prayer and action in
such a way that the two sisters did each in turn so as not to be noticed by their
nearest relations. They had reduced the number of servants in the house, but
there were still some who joined them in their outings and who gained much
benefit from their example. Each sister found a companion among the maids
for their visits to the sick in their homes. They both relied on the complicity of
an old servant who opened a door for them; a door behind the great courtyard
and the inner iron gate. Sometimes that woman, with the confidence typical of
old servants, muttered and scolded and threatened them with what would
happen if their brothers learned that they spent some nights away from home
looking after the sick ...
We must take ourselves back to the seventies of the last century if we
are to understand that such activities were truly unusual. The sisters' way of life
clashed with the deeply rooted habits of society of that time, which gave women
a very restricted field of action within the family.
Strangely enough that extraordinary dedication to the Gospel and to
evangelical poverty coincided with a stage of rapid change in Spanish society.
From 1868 the country was living in a situation of revolution, «glorious» for
some Spaniards, «calamitous* for others. From our perspective in history, the
six years 1868-1874 were a time of prolonged attempts to give Spain a modern,
liberal structure, although of course, it involved a great deal of partial
destruction. Raphaela Mary and Dolores Porras did not have this perspective,
and they surely saw only the negative aspect of the revolution; but in fact, by
their lives completely given up for others, they were living out some of the
ideals of justice and human advancement which were springing up here and
there in the troubled waters of the revolution.
Pedro Abad was a town of no importance, with about two thousand
inhabitants, rather remote from the political disturbances of the great capitals.
The Porras family belonged to a social class little inclined to strange fancies.
(Land ownership is one of the situations which most bind a man; a landowner
is by nature conservative; he becomes rooted, established like the olive trees.
And it is too simplistic to affirm that this is due to egoism. An infinite number
of causes, united and entwined, help to form the mentality of an agriculturist,
so different from that of a bourgeois industrialist. To make simplistic, perhaps
summary judgements, would be to completely ignore history). The two sisters
were branches of a flourishing tree, with huge roots, deep in the earth of their
forbears. Yet they were not much inclined to «conserve». Rather, they seemed
decided to ruin the home. They did not trouble about contravening certain
ideas or prejudices of good society. If, at the age of twenty they had followed
them they would have been sensible young women, given to needlework, fond
of some musical instrument; and besides that, amusing themselves, used to
22 Part one: 1850-1877
attracting admiration at parties; devout girls; all this was part of the life of
society of their time
They changed the pattern completely. In their family they had always
followed the Gospel rather clearly, but not to extremes. At twenty and twenty-
five years they had brought about that Copernican revolution in their lives
which is the basis of the existence of all the saints: the world ceased to revolve
around them, and they dedicated themselves to revolve not around the world
in general but around that world of poverty which was in need of them. They
had a great desire to work, to make up for lost time.
Naturally it did not occur to them to think of what others in the world
at that time were saying: «Ownership is robbery». But by their attitude to life
they seemed to be asking the poor people to forgive them for the so-called
crime of bemg born into a well-to-do family
We repeat: they changed the pattern. There were still several men and
maid servants, all most trustworthy, b the house which had previously been full
of servants. But the young ladies led a life with more or less the same work as
the servants, and so their duties were very much simplified. We have to realise
that such things attracted attention. In the first place, it was uncomfortable for
the servants. It is well known that prolonged years of service create certain
habits m people. Surely there would have beem protests; and then a
disconcerting reply: «We have been served long enough; it is right that we
should now serve our neighbour for God's sake» 4 . And especially the most
needy neighbours who must have abounded b Pedro Abad. It was remembered
for a long time m the village how the two sisters cared for the sick without fear
of contagion. In the process of canonisation of Raphaela Mary very concrete
facts were given. The man with tuberculosis who had ceased to practise his
religion, was helped with all patience and sweetness. The girl burnt in an oil
mill and so badly disfigured that even her own family did not dare to look at
her, whom the sisters tended with infinite care. On some occasions God gave
them die extraordbary grace of the conversion of men very hardened against
all religion.
«Our Lord, whom the poor man represents, asks to be served, and
must not be refused for anything»5. A monumental saying, with undoubted
Gospel overtones, which defined the life of Raphaela Mary and Dolores for
several years.
It really seemed that without knowing the «slogans» of the revolution
the two sisters had decided to bcorporate its most progressive ideas into their
lives. If we add to this their unlimited liberty of spirit with regard to the norms
4
This occurs in the evidence given by Sr. Blasa Trivifio (Reiigious of Jesus Nazareno).
5
Ibid. p. 7.
C.2. On the way 23
which ruled the activities of a respectable lady of their times, wc can affirm that
without knowing it, they became an example for everyone who was looking for
a more just society, built upon the foundation of liberty. But, of course,
politicians and reformers never include saints in their field of action. And at
that time they had no idea that there were many in different corners of Spain,
and even in places as small as Pedro Abad 6 .
A reflection on the youthful deeds of the two future foundresses cannot
overlook some other aspects of their life. However much they gave themselves
to charity with needy people, they still had more or less normal relationships
with their family and their friends during these years. It is true that deep
dedication to the Gospel sometimes causes ruptures; and in the case of
Raphaela Mary and Dolores this did occur with their relatives. They had «four
years of terrible struggle», with some intervals of peace. The brothers could not
get on without the sisters, for many reasons. The young children of the elder
brother spent the greater part of the day with their aunts, and so without
intending to do so, the children often intervened in the difficulties.
There is a letter from Raphaela dated August 1873 which describes
delightful memories of the family very different from what Dolores called the
«terrible struggle*. The letter is written to a friend who used to spend a long
time with them. An atmosphere of calm friendship pervades all the paragraphs:
«I wanted to write to you on Sunday, but it was impossible; you know well how
busy I am, or rather, how slow I am. But I am leaving everything tonight; I
went to dedicate it to you to show you my love and to fulfil the duty of
answering your last letter, which I was very pleased to have, and which seemed
too short». She remembers her very much «so much that many times I mention
your name, thinking I am speaking to you». Then she speaks about a family
gathering: «Last night, as had been announced, we had the grand party given
by my uncle Luis to celebrate his birthday ... My dear, what an abundance of
cakes and sweets! You can't imagine how splendid it was. Now you will want
to know who were there. I'll tell you with great pleasure: my six cousins, my
brother Ramon, his wife and daughter, my niece Raphaelita and ourselves.
Everything went very well and we were all very happy and contented ... When
we were all seated with such happy faces I was thinking that if it is like that for
such a little thing, what would it be like when we are in the eternal banquet!...».
Marvellous Raphaela Mary, who was even then able to think of heaven
as something like a festive family gathering. Her living faith, her sure intuition
of Christianity were delightful. She was so human and so supernatural at the
Without attempting to give a complete list, we have some of the names: St. M. Soledad
Torres Acosta; St. Vicenta M. Ixipez y Vicuna; St. M. Teresa Jornet; Bl. Rosa Molas. In previous
years; St. Antonio M. Claret and St. Joaquina Vedruna.
24 Part one: 1850-1877
same time that she did not miss the daily realities, but in any fleeting event of
life she discovered its enormous hidden transcendent content.
The spiritual direction of Fr. Jos6 Maria Ibarra
It is natural for us to ask who was guiding those two sisters in a

Christian life so much above that which was common among their
contemporaries, so much out of the ordinary in their surroundings. Raphaela
Mary and Dolores had always been devout, and after their mother's death their
devotion had increased. Two years later, in 1871, a new parish priest arrived in
Pedro Abad, Fr. Jos6 Maria Ibarra. He was rather young, simple, upright, and
with a very clear idea of his priestly ministry. Fr. Jos6 Maria visited the Porras'
home a short time after his arrival in the town, when Enrique was suffering
from the illness which was to lead to his death. At the beginning the sick man
rejected the friendship of the priest. But Fr. Josd Maria's prudent kindness, his
constancy and his humility succeeded in breaking through all barriers. Enrique
died on 4th March 1872 with enviable peace. The parish priest of Pedro Abad
could count him as one of the first great fruits of his apostolate in the town.
By that time, Raphaela Mary and Dolores had fully accepted the
spiritual direction of Fr. Jos6 Maria. He did not have to spur them along on
the road of complete surrender which they had started, but neither did he think
it necessary to dip the wings of their enthusiasm. He did direct them, and he
gave the most solid base to their spiritual life: sacramental life and love for the
word of God. At a time when Sacred Scripture was far from being common
reading for the ordinary Catholic, the simple parish priest of Pedro Abad
recommended it strongly, as is proved from some of the letters addressed to
the two Porras sisters:
«If you have a Bible, read with your sister, at three or four different
times an Introduction to the Sacred Scriptures of the Old and New
Testament. You will fmd that reading in the first volume a few pages
before the beginning of Genesis. And if you do read it, you will tell me
what you think about it, for you will see how useful and helpful it is
for your souls to have a daily reading and consideration of the
treasures contained in this divine book* .
7
Letter 10th June 1873.
C.2. On the way 25
«You can begin the Bible at Genesis which tells of events with
charming simplicity and naturally; pass over quickly, that is, do not
stop over some of the things, but read them all, especially the notes,
and always prepare yourselves before beginning to read, so that you do
not do it for curiosity or for any other reprehensible motive. In
conclusion briefly give thanks to God, mentally, and honour his word
by kissing the book as a sigh of deep respect» .
Dolores and Raphaela Mary followed this advice of the priest Ibarra.
In their writings we find many quotations from the sacred books used with an
ease which reveals their frequent, reflective reading.
About 1873 the Christian life of the two young women was reaching
one of its peaks; but it was greeted with great lack of understanding. The family
blamed the parish priest for what they called excesses of fervour, exaggerated
devotion. And as the Porras family had influence they succeeded in getting Fr.
Jos6 Maria out of the town. The Bishop of Cordova did not venture to oppose
them, but he did not want to punish the priest for idle rumours without
foundation - real calumnies - but which had sown mistrust. The Bishop, Alfonso
de Alburquerque, found a solution: he appointed Fr. Ibarra bursar of a parish
in the capital. The poor people of Pedro Abad knew nothing of diplomacy.
They did not understand this subtle way of avoiding injury to their parish priest.
What they wanted to stop at all costs was his departure from the parish. At that
moment Fr. Jos6 Maria could have become a popular hero if he had
encouraged those simple people who considered him a persecuted saint. But
he was not like that. He left Pedro Abad by night, on foot in order to avoid a
fuss. Surely, as he walked along he turned to look at the town asleep among the
olive trees: the tower of the hermitage, the parish church, his own house ...
Many happy memories in spite of the pain of the last misunderstanding. Many
thanks to the Lord. Perhaps he was unable to imagine the importance of his
ministry in his two years in the parish9.
The sun shone again on the people of Pedro Abad, and Dolores and
Raphaela Mary continued their evangelical activities. If the Porras family had
thought they were going to settle matters by removing the Parish Priest, they
must have felt rather disappointed...
The departure of Fr. Jose Maria gave rise to written correspondence
between himself and the two sisters; and these letters now hand on to us many
details which would otherwise have been lost. Through the letters we see
8
Letter 21st July 1873.
® lie came lo the town on 14th March 1871. Took charge of the parish of the Holy Spirit,
Cordova on 21st April 1873.
26 Part one: 1850-1877
Raphaela Mary in continual growth, as she advances, overcoming her

weaknesses. «You must not be surprised that the devil brings back memories
of your past life so that you may become attached again to those things which
you left so firmly for Jesus Christ ...»10. We see a Raphaela Mary who knows
temptation, and the struggle, a woman who is to be a "vessel of election", but
who is made of the same clay as we are. On one occasion Fr. Jose Maria
advises her to read St. Paul: «Read Chapter 7 of his epistle to the Romans with
great devotion and recollection ... Then, when you have finished, full of courage
and confidence, you will only be able to say the two last verses: Wretched
creature that 1 am! Who will be able to deliver me from this mortal body? The
grace of God through Jesus Christ Our Lordw11.
«The Lord has provided many means,

and has prepared many paths»
The year 1873 was an important point in the life of the two sisters,
because it was then that they decided to enter religious life. They had felt their
vocation for some time, but now they were about to seek the way. In fact they
had no idea of the amount of time it was going to take, or of the struggles it
would cost to find and persevere in it.
Travelling, travelling ... In August 1873 Fr, Jos6 Maria Ibarra wrote to
Raphaela Mary, saying «... Our Lord has provided many means and has given
many roads; ask this good Father to let you know the one He wishes you to
travel, because although they all lead to heaven, not all are for
everybody...»32.
With this idea they are about to begin their great pilgrimage. Our Lord
has provided many roads, and along them people advance through life to their
meeting with God. It is not for them to judge the quality of the road, or of the
persons who are travelling. «They all lead to heaven», but, «not all are for
everyone». We must walk with humility, certain that the nature of the road he
travels does not make the pilgrim better. Raphaela Mary and Dolores could see
in their own lives the truth of this statement by Fr. Jos6 M. Ibarra. They had
spent years dedicated to works of charity. In the eyes of others, and before God
they had been heroic, and were so considered by the people of the town. They
had chosen a very narrow, difficult path but it was not theirs, at least it was
not the definitive one.
10
10th June 1873.
11
19th January 1874.
12
20th August 1873.
C.2. On the way 27
The two sisters had been dedicated to similar tasks, living exteriorly in
the same family and social circumstances, yet they had not had that sharing of
ideas which leads to mutual communication of the innermost thoughts. They
had both had a religious vocation for some time, but they had never spoken to
each other about it. We do know, however, that Raphaela Mary had been much
more advanced in this matter. Her decision to consecrate herself to God
entirely had been there at least since adolescence. Dolores decided later; and
finally they both told their secret. In fact by that time, even before any words,
each one must have been well aware of the intentions of the other 13 .
Two diverse temperaments, a common vocation
In October 1873 their common vocation was declared. «In what I say
to your sister you can see what I mean with regard to your business, so I shall
not repeat it here», Fr. Jos6 Maria Ibarra said to Raphaela Mary on one
occasion14. As they were about to leave their parents' home, the two sisters
made every effort to be generous towards the needy. When it was difficult to
obtain cash without their cousin Sebastian's knowledge, he being the
administrator of their property, they sold some of their valuables. In a letter of
December that year, Fr. Ibarra advised them not to dispose of their silver
cutlery in order to give alms, because they lose much value when sold15.
Many years later the people of Pedro Abad were right when they said,
with evident exaggeration, but with great affection: «When the young ladies
were here, there were no poor peoplc»16.
In January 1874, after much consultation, the final details were made
for the departure of Raphaela Mary and Dolores Porras from Pedro Abad. Fr.
Josd Maria and the confessor drew up a letter for the two sisters to send to the
Archdeacon of the diocese:
«... For some years we have felt drawn and we seriously and
formally desire to enter the religious state; we feel specially inclined
13
Some accounts say that at firet Dolores thought of becoming a Sister of Charity. She may
have had this idea, but it was short lived. She herself wrote later that they both wanted to be
Discalced Carmelites.
14
19th January 1874.
15
22nd December 1873.
Oral testimony given to M.E. Roig A.C.I, when she went to Pedro Abad in 1935.
28 Part one: 1850-1877
towards the Carmelites in the Convent of St. Anne in Cordova» 17 .
This was sent to Fr. Ricardo Miguez, «out of respect for the dignity
and many occupations of the Bishop», asking him to tell them «what they had
to do in order to carry out their resolutions®18.
They were not admitted immediately. One is tempted to say that the
Bishop and the convent of St. Anne lost a pair of first-class mint;; but in fact
they did not lose anything, because that was not the road which the sisters had
to follow. They were told that there was no room for them there, for the
moment, the number of nuns in St. Anne's was complete. Besides that, had the
Archdeacon and the Bishop's Curia considered the rumours circulating about
Fr. Ibarra and about the Porras family? What is certain is that Fr, Ricardo
Miguez decided that before entering the Carmelites they should spend some
time quietly with the Poor Clares in the convent of the Holy Cross.
How much care, how many precautions to try vocations which were
clearer than the light of the sun! Those of us who know this story see it as
quite natural - it was always told like this - so it seems quite natural that the
decision of the two young ladies was examined so carefully. But we must
acknowledge that the number of consultations, the preparations, the
uncertainty, must have been very troublesome for them.
At the beginning of February 1874 Fr. Ibarra wrote a letter giving them
the final details:
«As you will see from Fr. Manuel Jerez5 few lines, there is nothing
to stop you now. In the interview he only asked me to tell you the
following: 1. It would be good if you could come without anyone
knowing why you are coming, although you must say goodbye to
anyone you see, and tell them you are coming on business. 2. Bring the
documents and anything of interest that you can. 3. If it is not going
to arouse suspicion, you should make a duplicate list of everything, in
case of any difficulty, that is, if you have not thought of another way.
4. If you have time, let us know when you are coming and where you
will be staying. 5. It would be useful to be here at least one day before
entering the convent. 6. The interview with the Bishop is at 11
a.m.» 19 .
17
Fr. Jos£ M. Ibarra did not want to decide such an important matter alone. He spoke to Fr.
Manuel Jerez and then to Fr. Ricardo Miguez the archdeacon.
18
19 This document may be dated beginning of December 1873.
Letter 10th February 1874.
C.2. On the way 29
They accepted everything. Those officials would never meet persons

more decided and more consistent with their decision. They did their packing
as well as they could so that they could take to Cordova, without attracting any
notice, «the documents and items of interest®, just as they had been asked.
Holy Cross ... «Obedience to our lawful superiors

is what has guided us since we left home»
On 13th February 1874 they left Pedro Abad for good. Raphaela Mary
would never return there all her life. They left, keeping their own secret,
accompanied by their cousin Sebastian and his wife. They had to pretend right
up to the last moment when their cousin and a friend went with them as if to
pay a visit to the convent of the Holy Cross. «Wait here a moment», they said.
And trustingly, they waited in a room next to the parlour. «What a short
moment, and what a full moment». And then the despair of the cousin when
she learned that they were not coming out! It is easy to imagine that. The poor
woman must have trembled wondering how she would tell the three brothers -
Francisco, Antonio and Ramon - about the event, and about their innocent
collaboration in it.
Dolores was on the point of giving in. She suggested to Raphaela Mary
that they could yield, go with the cousins that day, and return on their own the
next day. But, just as on the memorable occasion of their mother's death, the
younger sister showed her strength, and the fortitude of her character. She said
only a few words, but they were filled with premature experience: «What is
done, is done. Leave it; let it be, it will soon be over*20.
They stayed. And a life of complete detachment began for them. A life
which was all the more difficult because they knew it was not for them, but was
a kind of trial to which they were subjected to give assurance of the firmness
of their vocation. The archdeacon told one of the nuns to keep a close eye on
the two sisters and to try to get to know the rectitude of their intentions. They
realised this, naturally, and this vigilance was more painful than all the austerity
of the convent. Much later Dolores wrote:
«A new way of suffering began for the two sisters. They were very
kindly and courteously admitted to the convent, but they were
subjected to harsh, humiliating trials. They were watched at every
moment by a person inside, and she gave an account of their conduct
to persons outside. They knew all this, and they felt it very much and
20
Cf. M.MA. DE LOS SANTOS MARHRES, Biographical notes, p. 18.
30 Part one: 1850-1877
they unburdened their hearts before the divine Majesty, hidden in the
darkest corner of the large, solitary and silent choir of the nuns. They
offered these sacrifices to God there, and prayed for a remedy for
everything, expressing their will to do God's will*21.
The results of the trial surpassed all expectations. The fame of Dolores
and Raphaela travelled among all the religious, and is still mentioned in the
convent of the Holy Cross from one generation to another. 'They were both
very good, but Raphaela was a saint", said one of the Poor Clares years later
Even among the nuns the sisters found a field for the charitable
activities. They busied themselves, quite naturally, with the humblest tasks and
looked after the sick, with the experience they had gained in their years of
practice. One of the Poor Clares died, and there were the two, ready to lay her
out. Their days passed in complete solitude, amid those tasks and prayer. The
nuns remembered with great pleasure their kindness, the joy and good humour
of the two sisters when they shared a few moments of relaxation with the
community.
What were they thinking themselves? They had placed their future in
the hands of the Archdeacon, and the confessor of the diocese. They saw the
living will of God in these. Rarely had a vocation been so clearly supernatural
while being so deeply human at the same time.
One of the first Handmaids, writing about the origin of the Institute,
gave this interpretation to the attitude of the two Foundresses:
«... When they placed themselves under the direction of Fr. Ricardo
Miguez, private secretary and later Vicar Capitular, when the Bishop
died, it seems that they submitted their own inclinations and ideas to
the judgement of this priest, whom they had taken in God's place as
their guide. And so, our Institute, from the very first - which was the
vocation of these two sisters - may be said to be the exclusive work of
divine Providence, who gradually developed his plan while the
instruments of which he made use were not clearly aware of it»22.
21
M.M. DEL PILAR, Brief summary of the origin and foundation of the Reparation Sisters of
the Heart of Jesus, p. 10-11. Madrid August 1877.
22
MARIA D E LOS SANTOS MARTI RES, Biographical notes, p. 19.
Chapter IH
«THROUGH DINT OF UNMAKING PLANS, THE PLAN OF

THE HEART OF JESUS WAS ACCOMPLISHED...»
« ... The work we had been advised to undertakes
Nearly a year went by as they waited for the will of God to be shown.
Inside the convent they saw the spring bud forth, in the roses in the cloister and
in the geraniums in the pots. They waited. The heat was increasing and the
terrible summer of Cordova arrived; the autumn too went by, with its sudden
storms. They still waited, calmly, smiling, in silence.
Finally those ecclesiastics whom they had taken as guides, told them
of their plan. They thought that they should take part in a work which seemed
of primary importance in Cordova: teaching religion. At that time there was no
centre in the town for the education of youth. For some time Fr. Ricardo
Miguez had seen the urgent need to create one. Now that he was in charge of
the diocese on the death of the Bishop1 he was determined to begin the work.
Those two young women well educated and with a very good religious training
could be the foundation stones of his work. Besides, they were wealthy, and
their money could solve many problems.
Don Ricardo was not thinking of founding an Institute, but of helping
to instal in Cordova one of those from some other part of Spain which was
dedicated to teaching. Dolores and Raphaela Mary were asked for a complete
surrender of themselves and of their possessions without any concession to their
own ideas, or any gratification for their self love. They were being asked for
much - everything - and humanly speaking they were promised nothing. In fact,
this is just what the sisters were seeking.
The town was really in need of an Institute dedicated to teaching. And
not only Cordova, but the whole of Spain. The suppressive laws of 1835 and
1854, and the whole anti-religious policy of the reign of Isabel II had caused a
fatal abandonment of teaching2. The revolution of 1868 had enthroned liberty
at every level of society. A dccree of the Higher Revolutionary Junta (21st
October) confirmed this trend in the area we are now considering: «It is the
duty of the State to see that the rights of all are respected, not to undertake
work which individuals could undertake more efficiently. The suppression of
1
Bishop Alburquerque died on 13th May 1874.
2
Azana, politician of the II Republic said that the revolutions of 1868 and 1873 had been
possible only because of the collapse of religious education in Spain.
32 Part one: 1850-1877
public education is therefore the ideal we must aim at, bringing this about in
the not distant future». «That suppression cannot be attempted today, because
the country is not ready for it... In order that private teaching alone might be
able to spread knowledge to all, the countries must feel strongly the need for
scientific culture and esteem it of more value than the sacrifices it demands* 3 .
Seemingly there were in Cordova some persons who felt «strongly» the
need for teaching. The Confessor and the Archdeacon thought of the
opportunity of establishing the Order of the Visitation there, and so they
presented their plan to the Sisters in Valladolid. The two sisters would make
their novitiate there, then their profession, after which they would return to
Cordova with some other religious. They still thought it necessary to insist that
Dolores and Raphaela Mary be told that if they really wanted to join the
Order, they must consider themselves the last, even though they gave their
fortune, and that such they would be considered. Without any considerations
whatever.
The Visitation Sisters did not know the stuff of which those two
women were made. «Be the last!» They had been seeking that for more than
a year, but they had never thought that it would be so complicated to find a
corner in which they might consecrate themselves to God. The Visitation
Sisters never did know them, and so they did not have the disappointment
which the Poor Clares had when they knew that Dolores and Raphaela Mary-
were not staying with them.
The two sisters were about to begin their journey to Valladolid when
a slight illness kept the confessor in bed. How could they leave without
speaking to him who had been directing them all that year? They decided to
wait. Just a few days.
A new person appears on the scene
They were just sufficient days for the appearance of a new personage
on the scene. A South American priest, living in Spain. He came from Seville,
where he had been for some time; he left there on account of political
circumstances. His name was Jos6 Antonio Ortiz Urruela 4 . He went to
Cordova, just passing through, thinking of leaving Spain for a time. Let us sec
the situation.
3
The paragraphs quoted belong to the preamble of the decree.
4
He was born in Guatemala on 12th April 1822, son of Spanish father and Guatemalan
mother.... He was in England and became friendly with Cardinal Wiseman and Fr. Faber. Elected
consultor of Vatican Council I, and took part in its work. ...
C.3. The plan of the Heart of Jesus 33
In 1874 on the eve of the restoration of the monarchy which would

crown Alfonso XII the war between the the Carlists and Liberals was raging.
Someone in Seville had the idea of celebrating the Liberals' victory with a
religious function of thanksgiving. And besides this, another still less prudent
idea: to invite Fr. Ortiz Urruela to preach. He must have felt that mixture of
politics and religion rather confusing, because he did not want to accept. But
they insisted, and finally he accepted. He made up his mind to say in public
what he believed was the truth. He knew the risk he was taking; so much so
that he said to one of his friends in the sacristy. «I am going up to the pulpit
now, and I'll come down to go to prison».
What happened then is well described in one of the earliest
biographies of our Saint: «With holy liberty he began by disowning the
celebration, pointing out that it was unchristian to rejoice at the defeat of one's
own brothers; and he added that if it really was the spirit of charity which
animated the ladies who were tending the wounded, there could be no
distinction between political ideas; all the wounded should be cared for equally,
because they were all suffering creatures, and the charity of Christ loves and
accepts them all, and does not understand political parties* 5 . It was the
Gospel, but too pure to be digested without difficulty. «The following day two
security agents detained Fr. Antonio and took him to prison. His stay there was
very short, thanks to the protests of the people in Seville, who were very fond
of him» 6 .
After this trouble Fr. Jos6 Antonio reached Cordova, where he was
going briefly - as he thought - to visit a friend who lived in the Province, in
Palma del Rio. Then he was detained in the city by circumstances, and he met
and became friendly with the Archdeacon and the confessor of the diocesis.
One day he went to the convent of Holy Cross to hear confessions, and he met
Raphaela Mary. Shortly afterwards Dolores went to the same confessional. By
this means all the persons who were to have a part in the foundation were in
contact with the man who was to set the matter on a new course. The two
sisters were delighted with the spiritual director whom God had sent them. The
Archdeacon - who was Vicar Capitular at that moment - entrusted to Fr. Jos6
Antonio his plan regarding the Porras sisters. «The vicar capitular fully aware
of the virtue, value and experience of Fr. Antonio 7 , spoke to him about the
two young women who were in the convent of the Holy Cross awaiting the
decision about the way they should go and the plan for a foundation of a house
of the Visitation, and asked him for his opinion. The Father answered that in
5
E. ROIG, op. ciL, p. 89.
6
Ibid.
^ Fr. Jose Antonio Ortiz Urruela.
34 Part one: 1850-1877
present circumstances the best thing would be a foundation dedicated to

adoration of the Blessed Sacrament, not excluding other works of zeaL ...»8.
The Archdeacon agreed to the change. Visitation or Reparatrices, he
did not mind which Institute, provided it took care of teaching the young
people of Cordova. The Society of Marie Reparatrice had already made a
foundation in Seville, supported by Fr. Ortiz Urruela, and he encouraged the
religious to accept one in Cordova. Everything seemed quite easy, thanks to the
unconditional generosity of the Porras sisters.
In reality it was not so; it was not easy at all. Perhaps Fr. Antonio, on
account of his interest in the Institute, thought it normal to take to himself the
responsibilities belonging to the superiors of the Society of Marie Reparatrice.
He promised the Archdeacon, Fr. Ricardo Miguez, on behalf of this Institute,
that as far as possible it would take care of that great need in the diocese -
religious education. Although there was need to enlarge «the sphere of the
Institute, according to circumstances®. The two sisters knew of the plan. And
they approved it; not because they felt specially inclined towards teaching, but
because they were ready to accept anything. They would have supported any
plan offered them as God's will. And just now the interpreters of that will were
the Vicar Archdeacon and Fr. Jos6 Antonio Ortiz Urruela.
Marie Reparatrice Novitiate in Cordova
On 1st March 1875 the two sisters began their postulantship in the
Society of Marie Reparatrice. The community was established in a house in San
Roque Street in the centre of the town. A typical house in Cordova: a large
entrance, closed by the classic iron gate; a central courtyard, full of flowers with
a fountain in which the water was always singing; another interior courtyard;
large living rooms, duly hidden from the outside, but open to the perfume of
flowers in the courtyard, to the peaceful shade and the eternal music of the
little fountain. The house belonged to the foundresses, Raphaela Mary and
Dolores . They spent nineteen months there in the Novitiate of Marie
Reparatrice. There was a house next door called the House of the Indian. Don
Ricardo, the Vicar Archdeacon wanted to acquire it for use as a boarding
school.
8
M. D E LOS SANTOS MARTI RES, op. a t , p. 28.
From 1871 it belonged to Ramon Porras; he sold a thin) part to Dolores in 1873. At the
time of the foundation Raphaela acquired another third, and some years later they owned the
whole property. San Roque Street is now called Good Shepherd; the house still exists hut
changed. Cf. ROIG, op. cit, p. 97 note.
On 29th March 1875 the first Mass was celebrated in the chapel, and
from then on the Host was exposed for the adoration and love of the Religious
and of the faithful.
The Reparatrices were foreigners, and at that time, in a place like
Cordova, this was no small obstacle. The people in the town did not easily trust
«the French nuns» (as they were known very soon). Yet they must have been
very pleasant because they began to attract vocations; on the very day of the
inauguration of the chapel several young people entered as postulants.
That year the feast of the Sacred Heart fell on 4th June, and that day
was appointed for Dolores and Raphaela Mary to receive the habit in the
Society of Marie Reparatrice. Then, following the custom of the time, they
changed their baptismal names: Dolores was called in future Marie del Pilar,
and Raphaela Mary was given a long complicated name: Mary of Our Lady of
the Sacred Heart. Dolores kept her new name for the rest of her life. Raphaela
Mary's was simplified a little a short time later. In the Institute of the
Handmaids the younger of the two Porras sisters was called Mary of the Sacred
Heart.
The two sisters began their religious life with the Reparatrices.
Through their rules they came to know and to love the spirit of the Society of
Jesus, which later on would be one of the most prized treasures of the Institute
of Handmaids and of its first members. In that chapel in San Roque Street they
had their first experiences of prayer in the liturgy and in silent adoration before
the Eucharist. In that house they also experienced the joy, and the difficulties
of fraternal life. A group of young, joyful women determined on heroic acts,
gathered round a few mature Religious. Raphaela Mary soon became
extraordinarily outstanding among those Novices. Anyone would have said that
she had always aimed at the opposite; but in fact her supernatural and human
qualities had begun to shine.
«Let us leave the mystery to God's blessed wisdom ad justice ...»
The events which followed, the series of complications and

misunderstandings which occurred between the Reparatrices and Fr. Jose
Antonio Ortiz, and then between Fr. Jos6 Antonio and the Bishop of Cordova,
is a matter which will never be finally clarified. Perhaps that is not necessary.
But there is no doubt that the foundresses, especially Raphaela Mary took no
part in the differences 10 . Many years later, when Dolores was writing about
10
Cf. M. Aguado: Notes on the Spirituality of St. Raphaela Mary of the S. Heart, p. 11-12.
36 Part one: 1850-1877
those events, she affirmed that both she and her sister had sincerely liked the
Reparatrices, and when the final break took place neither of them had had any
difficulty about letting them have the house in San Roque Street.
The crucial moment came in October 1876, but it had been building
up throughout the previous months. The Novices, who were nearly all from
Cordova, knew nothing of what was going on; not so the two Porras sisters.
Especially Dolores whose circumstances made inevitable a minimum of
information, because she was bursar of that community, although still a Novice.
Raphaela, who was determined to be detached from all material interests, had
entrusted all financial questions to her sister. An accumulation of great and
small problems were part of the origin of the conflict: the «modern» renewing
ways of the Reparatrices, against the traditionalist religious ideas of Cordova
at that time; the desire of the Archdeacon and the Confessor to start the
foundation of a boarding school as soon as possible, against the relative calm
of the Reparatrices concerning this project 11 ; and above all, the influence of
Fr. Urruela in the house and Novitiate which sometimes clashed with the
decisions of the Mother Provincial of the Reparatrices in Spain. Fr. Jos6
Antonio's temperament was not exactly easy to handle. In the event of a clash,
he could certainly be violent. The Reparatrices had to leave Cordova, because
without the support of those priests everything became strange, even hostile to
them,
Raphaela Mary left nothing written about these events. We know how
she acted through the accounts which her sister and the other Religious wrote
years later when they recorded their memories. Dolores wrote:
«I remember with pleasure that in spite of all that was going on, I
never faded exteriorly in my behaviour as a Novice. And my sister was
perhaps, better than I interiorly, because she avoided all intervention,
even with Fr. Urruela. She had little or nothing to do with him or with
the Religious. She only refused to follow them; and if anyone wanted
to draw her into it she always said: 'Speak to Maria del Pilar...'» 12 .
One of the first religious provides another witness:
«... on that occasion the virtues and good manners of the two sisters
were outstanding. It was seen that very tactfully they refrained from
any intervention in business of the house, and even avoided
conversation with the Novices. They went about almost hidden those
11
Cf. M. Pilar's account. And Fr. Frias - Memorias sobre la M. Pilar
n
M.M. DEL PILAR, Account I, 28.
days, and could be found kneeling at the door of the chapel before the
Blessed Sacrament* 13 .
From these and from many other quotations we might cite, we see the
extremely discreet, prudent attitude of the two sisters. They did not want to
influence the Novices in any way. They left God to act in that delicate situation.
In spite of everything, it is clear how significant was their conduct; their silence
is very eloquent. Raphaela Mary's silence was even more marked than that of
her sister, in no way to be interpreted as a reaction of her supposed timidity.
She spoke little, because it really was an occasion when words were
superfluous; any remark might cause a wound. She acted in truth, just as she
had decided when seconding the plans of Fr. Antonio and the Archdeacon.
They had entered the Society of Marie Reparatrice on their advice. «After
discussing and agreeing to the foundation those priests and the Religious of
Marie Reparatrice .... explained the project to the two sisters who replied that
they had no desire but to obey in everything - as they had done since they left
the world, and as they are doing now towards those whom they consider their
superiors* 14 .
How much suffering in those few days! But also, how much trust in the
Lord, who is «our refuge from generation to generation*! (Ps. 89), When it
seemed they had found their way, they had to start again in the night along a
new road. Did they know where this would lead them? In any case they knew
now that they were not seeking for themselves alone, but for a group of
persons ready to follow their footsteps.
- What are the Porras sisters thinking of doing?

That was the key question; its reply would bring a real solution for
those poor perplexed Novices who suddenly saw a dense cloud descend upon
the house in which they had been living so peacefully. The reply was given by
Dolores, or Pilar, as we now call her:
«I want you to know that the religious are going away, but those
who wish to stay with us will be under the protection of the Bishop
and the direction of Fr. Urruela* 15 .
She said no more; but for most of them her explanation was as good
as a whole programme. Out of the total of twenty Novices only four decided
U
M.M. DE LOS DOLORES RODRIGUEZ CARRETERO, Account p. 6-7.
14
M. PILAR, Notes an origin of Institute. Fragment.
15
M. MA DEL PILAR, Account I 28.
38 Part one: 1850-1877
to go with the Reparatrices to Seville. They left with a Religious on 14th

October 1876. A few days later, on 23rd, the second expedition set out.
The account given by Mother Pilar - Dolores - of these events ends
with a very restrained paragraph. Some years later, as she was thinking 0 f the
origin of the Institute, she turned her eyes to the suffering of those days, to the
uncertainty of those moments. She must have thought too of the possible
human errors which no doubt occurred. In 1899, twenty-three years after the
birth of the Institute, all this seemed wrapped in the mystery of "the blessed
wisdom and justice of God". At that distance she spoke only of the basic
uprightness and sincerity of all who had taken part in the drama, many of
whom were then resting in the arms of infinite mercy. So, neither Dolores nor
Raphaela Mary ever wished to go into detail, to belittle a story which involved
so much that was sacred:
«Perhaps it is surprising that I am not giving more clear details

about the cause of the break ... Let us leave the mystery to the blessed
wisdom and justice of God, because beneath these events there are
motives which only God can fathom and appreciate in all justice. The
priests who were guiding us had to defend our rights and those of the
work we had been advised to undertake for the glory of God. The
religious had to defend their own rights, and when these were at cross-
purposes, I think there is much excuse for what happened. What I can
say in all truth is that I am always trying both for myself and for our
own Sisters, not to feel any rivalry against their Institute. On the
contrary, I desire, and will strive to succeed that both theirs and ours,
each in its own way, as God Our Lord has placed them, may serve
Him as well as possible in the kind of life appointed for each in their
constitutions and rules» 16 .
Novice and Superior
The first community of Handmaids was formed, we may say, from 14th
October. They did not have that name yet; they did not even suspect they
would bear that name. Neither could they see or imagine the series of incidents
- real adventures - they would have to go through before their way of life was
approved by the Church. It was better so. After all, ignorance of the future is
16
Ibid, I, 33.
one of the best antidotes for weariness which existence can encounter in the
long run. And if this ignorance rises to the plane of trust and of faith, the
present and the future can be faced with serenity and joy.
Sixteen young women were gathered on that 14th October in one of
the parlours of the house in San Roque Street. They were all having a lively
conversation with Fr. Urruela. All, except one, were Novices; they were still
wearing the habit of the Reparatrices. Fr. Ortiz Urruela, in agreement with the
Bishop, had begun to settle the rule of life for that community. The first thing
was to appoint a Superior. The election was easy. Raphaela Mary - Mary of the
Sacred Heart from that moment until her death. The younger of the two Porras
sisters thus went to the first level, to occupy a place she never sought. Dolores -
Maria del Pilar - continued to look after the financial affairs of the community.
Just as we see her throughout her life, Raphaela Mary must have been
aware at that moment of the difficulty of the burden given her by the Church.
«A post given by the Church* yes. So far, they had not been given any kind of
official approval, but they had stayed in Cordova with the Bishop's blessing, and
that of the Hierarchy of the diocese. Raphaela Mary's mission was going to be
difficult, because among other things it seemed quite natural for her sister to
intervene in matters which normally came within the competence of the
Superior. Now they were not the two girls playing in the courtyard of the old
house in Pedro Abad; the younger was twenty-six, and the elder thirty. But
youthful memories were still very near - parties, family gatherings, journeys. In
all these scenes there figured a young girl more or less in the shadow of her
elder sister. Other still more recent memories tend to create the impression of
power emanating from Dolores: her determined, dignified but energetic
conduct in the difficulties with the Reparatrices.
Raphaela Mary was very humble and very simple. She was also
intelligent, with an innate intuition concerning the hidden corners of the human
heart. Hence she was vividly aware of the weight of responsibility. As she
accepted, she was fully conscious of the importance of that moment. And she
accepted for the reason she had for the whole of her life: to do for God «the
greatest work» she had in her power to do: surrender herself «cntirely to his
most holy will». She said these words much later, but she had been living them
for a long time.
The Superior of that community had to be Mistress of Novices at the
same time. They were all young, lacking experience. They all had to learn to
live a new life, to travel while making the road. Raphaela Mary was of the right
stuff for that mission: she had learned from her youth to listen, to understand.
She could be firm, and could yield. She could make demands on herself and
excuse others. Until that time she had not been exactly a brilliant person, but
she had won hearts with her peaceful strength, her kindness. «The meek shall
possess the earth». The gospel beatitude was true in her case.
there was a good appearance of prosperity, and a wave of well-being, of relative

security spread throughout the land. With this background an official culture
of undoubted worth was developing. But behind the scenes a generation of
antagonistic intellectuals, outsiders, were preparing new weapons against the
Restoration ideology. The political work of the Restoration had been crowned
in 1876. On 30th June parliament had approved a new Constitution of the
Monarchy which in art. 11 declared: «The Catholic, Apostolic, Roman religion
is the religion of the state. The nation is obliged to maintain its worship and its
ministers. No one on Spanish territory will be molested for his religious
opinions, or for practising his religion ...» etc. The Spanish State was defined
as Catholic in a formula less emphatic than that of the concordat of 1851.
Besides being Catholic it wanted to be tolerant; not for nothing had Spain had
twenty-five more or less liberal years between 1851 and 1876.
The first plan of an Institute
While Spain was beginning to live with its Constitution, the community
of Novices in San Roque Street were seeing the need to become
"institutionalised", to adopt an officially defined form.
The Bishop went to see them at the beginning of November. At that
time he was Fray Ceferino Gonzalez 18 - D. Alfonso dc Alburquerque had
died on 13th March 1874. Fray Ceferino could be very imposing; on some
occasions he was friendly, and he was this time. He spoke to them all together,
and he spoke to each one in private. He found nothing but joyful fraternity, and
a great determination for self-giving. He heard only praise of the two sister
foundresses. In fact, the Mother Superior was enshrined in every heart by that
time.
Before departing the Bishop had a seemingly unimportant conversation
with all the community together:
« — And now, what do you want to do?

Live together and to follow the kind of life we have been living,
now under your protection.
— And will you do what I want?
Yes, Your Lordship, we will obey you in everything»19.
18
Born in San Nicolas de ViHoria (Oviedo) on 28th January 1831. Died 30th Nov. 1894.
19
M. PILAR, op. cit II 1.
42 Part one: 1850-1877
Goodness, how much they are going to remember that dialogue in the
months to come! (As it has been recorded for us, it resembles very much the
old catechism questions and answers...) When M. Pilar commented on this
many years later, she said she never suspected how far the Bishop would take
those words: «We were young people, with no experience of religious life and
we did not realise all that was included in the Bishop's question and our
answer. So, in some way, the Bishop was right when he blamed us later...* 20 .
They were thinking that the least a Religious could do was obey her Bishop.
They had not yet experienced that the only unlimited obedience is that which
we owe to God, and to those who represent Him when they maintain their
connection with God.
The Bishop departed and they followed their own life.
In December of that year, the Archdeacon, still keeping in mind his
old project, helped them to apply for approval as a diocesan Institute. Together
with the Precentor of the diocese he drew up a report for the Bishop explaining
the aim of the foundation. The essential was contained in a few paragraphs.
«The aim is to establish a congregation of religious with simple

vows, professing a contemplative and active life. The chief object of the
former is perpetual adoration of Jesus in the Bl. Sacrament exposed,
and that of the latter: religious and social education of girls and young
women placed under their direction. This education will be free for the
poor. This will not exclude other works of charity which the lawful
superior may think suitable according to times and circumstances* 21 .
The Archdeacon spared no words in stressing the importance of that

community for the future of Cordova. The new Institute could be »a powerful
effective help to remedy the serious religious and social ills which we all
deplore*. In spite of its grandiloquent wording, so typical of the times, the
report offered truly valid reasons.
«... If religious indifference is to be combatted, there is need for the

theological virtue of faith to be taught as a foundation, and nothing is
more conducive to this than the perpetual, public adoration of the
Blessed Sacrament on our altars, Jesus the author and finisher of our
faith. In our case the importance of the worship is shown and
increased by constant prayer and reparation for the blasphemies,
sacrileges and profanation committed in our days...
20
Ibid, n, 2.
21
Report fol. 1.
43
Besides this solid foundation a complete Christian education is

needed to avoid these troubles and attain social regeneration, so that
the minds, hearts and wills of the people may be instructed, developed
and guided according to the principles of the Gospel. No one can carry
out this mission with more zeal and greater success than the Religious
Institutes.
These are the aims - prayer and teaching - of the Institute which is
asking to be established in this town; so it is evident ... that Divine
Providence is offering us in this Institute a powerful means for
attaining the spiritual good of the Church as well as social salvation
and regeneration in our diocesev22.
Fray Ceferino, the Bishop, received the report and gave his approval
of the project in a decree of 30th December 187623. A few days later he again
visited the house in San Roque Street. He seemed very pleased with the
atmosphere of joy and union. During the visit a very young girl, an adolescent,
came asking as a great favour to be admitted to the community. The Bishop
granted her request, and the postulant joined the number of foundresses, those
who formed the first group in the Institute24.
On the same occasion Fray Ceferino spoke of the advisability of the
older ones making their religious vows. Their joy was immense, and the other
Novices and all their friends rejoiced with them. This was the first great family
feast. It was settled for 2nd February, the feast of the Purification. In a small
town such as Cordova at that time, any small happening became a big event;
and everything in that house, relating to those Novices was of popular interest;
their way of singing the liturgy, of arranging the chapel, the enthusiasm, the joy
of the young people ... Besides, some of the Novices who were to make their
vows belonged to well-known families. So, a great celebration was prepared.
The six young women, without worrying about those preparations,
began to prepare themselves interiorly. They were: Raphaela Mary and Dolores
Porras, Luisa and Concepci6n Gracia y Malag6n, Adriana Ibarra (sister of Fr.
Josd Maria, the former parish priest of Pedro Abad and spiritual director of the
foundresses), and Mariana Vacas. The latter had known the Porras family and
had been Raphaela Mary's friend since the age of seven. She also had a
brother, a priest, a professor in the seminary of Cordova.
22
Ibid. fol. 4r-4v.
23
In this decree a very long name was given lo the community, to the newborn Institute:
«Adorers of the Bl. Sacrament and Daughters of Mary Immaculate», but the name did not last.
24
Her name was Ana Moreno which she changed to Maria de San Luis. She died in Cadiz
in 1921.
44 Part one: 1850-1877
The six lucky ones began the spiritual exercises. The rest of the
community prepared for the celebration.
«We want the rules of St. Ignatius...!*
The Superior was in her peaceful retreat when she was called to the
parlour. Another important priest, the Dean of the diocesan tribunal wanted
to speak to her. He went as a friend, just as a friend. He could not honestly
allow them to stay in ignorance of what was being done in the Bishop's offices
without their knowledge. The Bishop had modified the ritual for the ceremony
of the vows; but what was even more serious, he was also modifying the rules.
Fr. CamiUo de Palau departed. The poor Superior knew that another
storm was approaching. She discussed the situation briefly with Fr. Jos6
Antonio Ortiz Urruela and her sister, and then she sounded the Novices who
should be making their vows.
The response was unanimous:
«We want the rules of St. Ignatius which we have had until now!
— And if the Bishop does not agree to leave the rules as they are,
what shall we do?
— Whatever you like, Mother. But we shall not make our vows like
this.
— Very well. Let us get ready for what God wants of us* 25 .
Fr. Josd Antonio thought that the Vicar General must be informed of
the state of mind of the community. The Bishop was away. He was making a
pastoral visitation26.
The provisor, Fr. Juan Comes, went to the house at once. When he
saw the calm, firm attitude of the Novices he was very much displeased but
anyway,he agreed to write to the Bishop to see if he would change his decision.
Fray Ceferino change his mind! That was difficult. Even more so, as
he was away. No detailed explanation was possible; no account of the humility,
the sincerity in their eyes revealing the clarity in their hearts. And Fray
Ceferino was not one to change his opinion without good, solid reasons. The
25
Cf. PRECIOSA SANG RE, Chronicle I p. 41,
26
From what can be seen by all that has been written, so many persons intervened in the
business of the foundation of the Institute that the result was a very complicated situation. Some
names which appear are: D. Ricardo Miguez; D. Manuel Jerez; D. Camilo dc Palau; D. Juan
Comes apart from Fr. Ibarra and Fr. Antonio. ...
45
days went by in hope ever less hopeful.

2nd February arrived. And it went without sorrow or glory. There was
no ceremony in the chapel in San Roque Street...
On 5th at mid-morning they had a very important visitor; one which
started a whole series of outstanding, extraordinary incidents. Dolores Porras
thus described the event, giving full details:
«On Monday 5th February 1877, at about 1030 a.m. two priests, the
Vicar General and the Dean of the Tribunal of the diocese arrived in
our parlour and called the community... The Vicar spoke, and began
by saying that the Bishop was pleased with us and would protect us.
But we must accept certain modifications (that is what he called them)
which had to be made in our way of life. Then he began to read the
document he had in his hand which stated: the habit must be changed;
exposition of the Blessed Sacrament stopped, except on feast days, and
on Thursdays as well, I think; a screen must be placed in the parlours
and in our choir in the lower part of the chinch, thus closing it as is
done in enclosed orders; the Office must be changed; and the rule of
St. Ignatius which we had followed with so much love and enthusiasm,
must be mixed with that of St. Dominic, and I think with that of some
other saint as well ... No one said a word, but the faces spoke clearly
... He ended by telling us that we had twenty-four hours in which to
decide whether to accept the conditions.
We did not need twenty-four hours; after two or three hours, with
spontaneous unanimity, and joyfully in most cases, and determinedly
in my own, we were decided to face anything in order to save our rules
and way of life...*27.
It seems that the Bishop had been thinking of a diocesan foundation

in which he «could always change anything as he thought suitable*28; we find
this sentence in a later account by one of those Novices. It is certain that Fray
Ceferino still held a very traditionalist idea of religious life for women, although
we do not know why, because he was in many ways an innovator. When he
thought of the future of the community in San Roque Street, he always
imagined an Institute on the lines of the old convents - ^grilles in the parlours*,
a choir closed *likc those of some enclosed orders*. When he mixed the rules
of St. Ignatius with those of other holy founders he destroyed that unified,
organic character which had so clearly marked an Institute just beginning to
27
M. PILAR, op. at. II 12-14 and 17.
28
PEECJOSA SANGRE, op. tit. I p. 38.
46 Part one: 1850-1877
live. The bishop also wanted to cut, almost suppress, exposition of the Blessed
Sacrament. Here he placed his finger very dangerously on a very tender point
for those young people.
Agreement was impossible at such a high price. Raphaela Mary,
Dolores and all the Novices were able to distinguish between obedience and
obedience. Their attitude and their words always revealed a delicate balance
between the humble acceptance of authority - the natural relationship between
man and God - and the the generous, brave response to the voice of God
himself, the only One with full right to challenge his creatures beyond all
human mediation. «They realised that no prelate could oblige a religious to
profess a rule contrary to her vocation* 29 . They had no scruple about this.
And they were righr\
«Why don't we go away?»
That memorable 5th February was drawing to a close. The days really
were getting longer. The sun set a little later each evening ... but how slow, how
slow and heavy was that 5th February!
The two sisters had called Fr. Jos6 Antonio Ortiz Urruela for advice.
He was in doubt; he did not know what to say for the moment. He was in a
difficult situation because the Curia of Cordova considered that he was the
instigator of that attitude of the Novices, which they termed rebellion. They
decided to pray for the time being. But their first thought was not supplication
it was praise: «Praise the Lord all nations, acclaim Him all you peoples. Strong
is his love for us; He is faithful for ever ...» They prayed in Latin, and this
Psalm was the one they usually recited whenever God tried their trust.
Exteriorly Raphaela Mary and Dolores reacted in different ways to the
situation. The younger one, the Superior, felt then the weight of her
responsibility. She was, besides, one of those persons who by temperament
weigh up the consequences of their actions, and who hesitate to rush into
unforeseen ways. She was feeling completely overwhelmed. Dolores, on the
other hand, set about looking for an immediate solution to the conflict. One
idea came quickly to her mind: leave Cordova.
Leave Cordova! Those of us who know even a little about the origin
of the Handmaids are used to hearing about this episode, this picturesque
exodus. We are so used to it that we do not appreciate fully how unusual it
was. Yet, nevertheless, the idea had an extraordinary reception. Even more, the
29
Ibid. I p. 39.
3
® Cf. Lamberto de Echeverria in "Ya" 23rd January 1977.
same idea came to two persons at the same time.

Dolores went to Fr. Josd Antonio and her sister who were discussing
the situation, and she said: «Why don't we go away?»
He hesitated for a moment; but then he answered; as if he were
thinking it out himself:
«Well, that is not a bad suggestion, Maria del Pilar ...»
And with Raphaela Mary he began to examine the possibilities of the
project. They could go to Andujar; stay in the hospital, and there await events
Dolores went out of the parlour for a moment and met one of the
Novices who was coming down to speak of their idea:
«— Look, upstairs in recreation we were asking why don't we go

away, and we would avoid the danger of being sent to our homes ...
— We are ready for anything to save our vocation, and they have
sent me down to tell you»
Surprising unanimity for such an extraordinary idea. Later on Dolores

wrote: «I was told afterwards that in this spontaneity it could be clearly seen
that God our Lord himself was directing this affair» 32 . In any case, Fray
Ceferino was not very wise to include grilles and strict enclosure among the
changes in the novices' way of life.
Fr. Antonio and the two sisters finalised the details of the plan. The
Superior, with most of the Novices, would leave for Andtijar that very night.
The priest would set off in the same direction the next day, but he would not
stay in Andfijar; he would continue his journey to Madrid. When he had
obtained from the Cardinal-Archbishop of Toledo (Cardinal Moreno, a great
friend of his) the necessary licence, he would establish the community there.
Dolores would stay in Cordova. She would have to explain events to the
authorities and to the families. One or two companions would stay with her to
be with her in the difficult moments they expected would come.
When each one had been given her part in the drama, they began to
prepare for the journey with all haste. As they did not want anyone to know of
the plan, the practical difficulties were increasing. They had, of course, to dress
as seculars; and the clothing they had was very limited. They also had to pack
all they would need in the next few days - how many days, Lord? - and live as
well as they could in the hospital in Andujar.
One of the group wrote that, disguised as they were, there was no
31
Cf. M. MARIA DEL PILAR, op. cit. II 21-23; PRECIOSA SANGRE, op. cit. I p. 43.
32
M. MARIA DEL PILAR, op. cit, n 19.
48 Part one: 1850-1877
danger that even their own mothers would know them. For most of the Novices
this was almost amusing. Dolores recounts that some of them «were so witty
and comical that they did not stop laughing"33.
«I have no desire to be a foundress!»
But that good humour could become annoying to those who had the
responsibility of making the decision.
«Who has put me in this muddle? I have no desire to be a

foundress!* exclaimed Raphaela Mary.
^Neither have I; but what are we to do if God Our Lord has placed
us in these troubles?* replied Dolores 34 .
Neither of them thought they were foundresses. But they were both
ready to go ahead. They agreed in that, although it was specially difficult for
one of them to be mixed up in what they both called «muddle» and ^troubles*.
After ten o'clock at night the main door of No. 2 San Roque Street
was opened and fourteen young women went out. They were escorted by a
good man, a friend who offered to go with them. It was still deep winter, and
the travellers had to wrap themselves up in their improvised clothes as'they
faced the cold night air.
They were a strange group. Were any of them thinking then of what
their families might be doing at that time? Most of them came from
comfortable surroundings. They could never have imagined such an
unconventional journey. In those moments their families would have been
gathered round the Sre-place reciting the Rosary, reading the ^Christian Year*,
or perhaps speaking of happenings in the last revolution. If any of them had
ever gone out after sunset, it would have been in a coach with horses, prudently
guarded by stern lady companions.
Now they were walking, and it was dark night.
They filed along the narrow streets, badly lit in those times with gas
lamps. Neither the lateness of the hour nor the cold of winter nor the
unchanging customs of their families made any difference to that group of
women. They were going to save their vocation. They wanted to respond to the
voice which had called them, in spite of all difficulties, overcoming all the rigid
norms which at that time ruled the movements and attitudes of certain social
33
Ibid, n 34.
34
Ibid, n 28.
49
classes.
They hurried along in small groups. The Superior and some others in
the last group. Perhaps Raphaela Mary turned her head to see the darkened
town. How silent and how cold was that February night! How slowly the winter
was passing, and the spring was taking so long to arrive!
If only she could have foreseen the beauty of the coming April of that
year 1877.
They reached the station and boarded the train. A few moments later
they were on the way to Andujar, uncomfortably seated in an awful third class
coach.
However much they tried, they could not be unnoticed by their fellow
travellers. Excursions were not so easily undertaken then as they are now.
Fourteen young women of such an outlandish type formed indeed no mean
spectacle. As Dolores recorded later, they «were the strangest sight imaginable:
with their ill-fitting clothes some wearing many colours which made them look
so ridiculous that only God could have given them such unconcern*)35. The
travellers, mostly uneducated people, amused themselves at their plight.
Eventually the journey from Cordova to Andujar ended at four in the
morning. They set out towards the hospital, along deserted streets still black as
night. The building was closed, and they waited at the door, standing or sitting
on the steps or kerbstone until day break. Weariness made them all silent, even
the most lively ones of the night before.
When at last the hospital door was opened to them the porter's lantern
lit up a group of sleepy faces. «What is this? Has a convent been
emptied? » .
Yes, it had been emptied. (Nearly. Four Sisters were left in Cordova,
and Raphaela Mary had them close in her heart). The Mother went forward
with humble dignity. A few moments later, having read the letter from Fr. Jos6
Antonio which the travellers gave her, the Superior let them all go in.
It was a poor village hospital, a lodging unlikely to inspire optimism.
But they needed rest. They attended Mass in the Sisters' chapel, and then, tired
out, they slept on mattresses on the Door of one dilapidated room.
It was an eternal night in Cordova too. When Dolores saw her sister
leave at the end of the file of travellers, she locked the main door and went to
the chapel. She had no desire to go to bed, thinking of those who had left,
remembering her sister «with her face so pale and full of sorrow that with that
and her silence she seemed like Our Lady of Great Sorrow®37. Then she
35
Ibid. II 33.
36
M. PRECIOSA SANGRE, op. cit. I p. 55.
37
M. PILAR, op. cit. II 34.
50 Part one: 1850-1877
began to think of the present: of what the following day would bring them.
The families... How would they react? And the diocesan official? How
could she make him understand that they did not want to rebel against the
Bishop, but that above all they had to listen to the voice of their conscience?
They were going to ask her about Fr. Jos6 Antonio Ortiz Urruela; they would
blame him for what had happened, and they were wrong. The departure from
Cordova was her, Dolores' idea - «Why don't we go away, Father?» - and the
Novices - «we were asking upstairs in recreation, why don't we go away ?»
Those priests would say they had run away, and that was not right, either: they
had 1116 w r i g h L
° f e v e r y S P a n i a r d t o travel through the country and
abroad* . Every adult Spaniard, of course... and in the group of travellers
there were several under age. So the reaction of the parents and families would
be fundamental and decisive.
Sleepless nights, and busy days in Cordova and Andujar
A long, sleepless night in Cordova.

And yet, how short! Morning arrived, and the friends of the house in
Cordova began to learn of the extraordinary decision of the community.
Fr. Josd Antonio came to the hall very early and had a brief dialogue
with Dolores:
«Have they gone?

Yes, Father
Were they happy?
Yes, Father, very happy.
Thank God» 39 .
The chaplain celebrated Mass and consumed the hosts. When she left
the chapel Dolores sent a note to the Vicar General telling him what had
happened. The messenger did not have to go as far as his house, he met him
on his way to San Roque Street. The twenty-four hours' time limit was over
which had been given to the Novices to think about the changes suggested by
the Bishop, and the priest was coming to ask them to accept the Bishop's
arrangements. The dean of the Bishop's tribunal was with him.
Dolores went to the parlour at once, determined to say what she had
been practising all night.
38
Cf. PRECIOSA SANG RE, op. ca. I p. 70.
39
Ibid. II 77.
«— Where has the community gone?

— I am not telling that».
The poor priest had to play a difficult part, and faced with the young
woman's calm it is natural that he became rather upset. We are allowed to see
what was not granted to them: to enjoy the comic details of the scene. And
truly it was comic.
Dolores was wearing the habit - she had not taken it off the whole
night; she was dressed as if nothing extraordinary had happened. The priest
rebuked her:
«— Why are you wearing a religious habit which you are not worthy to
use?
— Because I have not yet had time to see if there are any secular
clothes 1 could put on.
— Where is Sr. Urruela?
— I don't know* 40 .
During the conversation the parlours were beginning to be filled with

people. All the families were there. When they heard what had happened they
supported their daughters. There were also some priests there, friends of the
house.
The behaviour of some of the families was remarkable. That of Ramon
Porras, for example. He was no longer displeased with his sisters; he now stood
by them completely. Dona Angustias Malag6n, too, the mother of two Novices;
she deserved a «letter of fraternity^ if the community had been able to grant
one. She was one of the few people who knew about the departure beforehand,
and just then she was doing a lot to encourage everyone.
The priest continued to ply Dolores and the other Novices with
questions. In the early hours of the afternoon the civil governor arrived too,
asking about those who had gone. Naturally the house became surrounded by
curious people who, seeing the doors open - because the civil and ecclesiastical
authorities ordered it - they went into the entrance, into the courtyard and into
the parlours ...
In the midst of that uproar Dolores thought she could not carry on.
But she still kept her mind alert and was able to answer firmly all the
insinuating questions. When the governor could not get her to tell him the
destination of the travellers, he tried to make enquiries in another way. Indeed,
nothing could have been easier. He was quickly informed at the station that
40
M. PILAR, op. cit. II 44-45.
52 Part one: 1850-1877
fourteen tiekets, third class, for Andujar had been issued the night before. A
telegram to the mayor there rapidly ordered the detention of the young women.
As if he were giving great news the governor told Dolores of the step
he had taken. But he was surprised by her prompt response:
«So they are detained? What right have you to do such a thing?»
Dolores recounted this herself much later. And she added: Âfterwards
I was told that I was inspired to give him that rebuke. I only saw his expression
of surprise, and he went out quickly for a few moments* 41 .
In Andujar all was going normally. The Novices, having rested, had
reeovcred their good humour. The Superior was calm, and she began to settle
the life of the community, One of her first resolves was to go to bed early that
night in order to make up for the tiring day before. And so, each one settled
in her corner in the room of the hospital, and they all slept peacefully, without
knowing that before the day was over they would have a visit.
At ten o'elock at night an agent from the authorities arrived asking for
"fourteen young women who had run away carrying smuggled goods* 42 . They
arrived a bit too late. When writing about the event some years later, Dolores
added: «The innocents who had not slept at all the previous night, were already
fast asleep* 43 . The Superior of the hospital did not allow them to be
awakened. She promised that she would take care that they did not leave the
house. For greater security, guards were left at the door of the building.
At midnight Raphaela Mary rose to go to the chapel for prayer. And
she, or the Novice who was with her, saw the guards who were keeping watch
at the entrance. The detail was not unnoticed.
She thought of her sister again. How would the day have gone in
Cordova? Early next morning one of the first things she did was to write to
Dolores. However much she was weighed down by the situation, she was
responsible for them all, and her task was to encourage them: «Cheer up; I
imagine you have been arrested. It does not matter. God above all; write* 44 .
Then she received the visit which the Superior of the hospital had put off the
night before. Nothing less than a commission of ten or twelve persons.
What a disappointment, if they were still expecting to find a group of
smugglers! The commission was well impressed by the Novices. «When they
saw how young they were, and so presentable, they showed their coneern for
41
Ibid. II 77.
42
It seems incredible that the mayor should believe such a thing. But Raphaela Mary
mentions smuggling expressly in a letter to her sister the next day, 7th Feb.
43
44
Letter of 7th February 1877.
the community®45. They were specially impressed by the calm dignity of that
Superior of twenty-six years. They asked for her name. Raphaela Porras? The
mayor recognised the surname, and he found out at once that the young
woman before him belonged to a respectable family; she was the sister of
Ramon Porras who had been a student with him.
The visit ended well. Result: from that moment the Superior and the
community could do as they wished quite freely.
At last Dolores finished the questions of that 6th February. Her
brother Ramon and the Archdeacon - Fr. Ricardo Miguez who thought highly
of them - decided to put an announcement in the local newspaper in order to
give the people the official verson of the events. On 7th the note appeared
which said: » REMOVAL: In view of certain difficulties which have arisen over
the changes which the esteemed prelate of this diocese wished to make in the
definitive Constitutions which govern the diocesan Congregation of Adoratrices-
Reparatrices of this town, which at the moment comprises Novices. These
Novices, obeying and respecting the opinion of His Lordship the Bishop have
moved to the hospice and hospital in Andujar where they have been given
hospitality by the Sisters of Charity of that establishment while they await the
outcome of the proceedings now set in motion®46.
The relations of the Novices who were living in villages in the
provinces were informed by the announcement in the newspaper. They went to
Andujar, and they found their daughters so happy that they went back satisfied.
Never have parents cooperated so enthusiastically in the religious vocation of
their daughters. Much of this was due to the extraordinary conviction and
persuasive strength of those Novices. Their joy. Their happiness in the midst
of such unusual circumstances.
Dolores stayed in Cordova and received the families when they
returned from Andujar. They returned transfigured: everyone who saw the
community became a friend. The caretaker of San Roque Street, who at that
time was sent to accompany a postulant who was going to join the novices, said
on his return: «Go there, to get rid of all your sorrow®. He said this to Dolores
who was still worried about the community 47 . Don Antonio Ortiz wrote: «In
Andujar there is a kind of enthusiasm. As everyone has been edified by them,
great interest has grown for them, especially for the Superior. They almost want
45
46
Recorded by PRECIOSA SANGRE, op. cit. I 76,
47
M. PILAR, op. cit. H 92.
62 Part one: 1850-1877
to touch her for relics*48. The writer of the Chronicle49 says rather more
simply: they were «loved by everybody*. She seems to be writing a paragraph
from the Acts of the Apostoles (2,47) about the first Christian community: the
faithful - ênjoying the favour of all the people*.
But their difficulties were not over. At first they had thought of staying
in Andtijar as briefly as possible, and then going on to Madrid; but, suppose
they settled definitely in Andujar? The Town Council were offering them the
old convent of St. John of God; it was old and needed repairs, but it was gratis.
On the other hand Fr. Josd Antonio had legalised the situation of the
community by giving a full explanation of events to the diocese of Jaen on 7th.
The bishop was away, but the Vicar General was more easily convinced than
was his colleague in Cordova.
In spite of the temporary nature of the situation, the Novices were
following their ordinary way of life as far as possible. It was amazing how they
could take full advantage of the time at every moment. Many of them bad been
in religious life for only a few months, but it already seemed like second nature
to them. Without any house of their own, without any secure shelter, they fitted
in with the timetable and the work at once. They never omitted their private
prayer or the community recitation of the Office. Although the hospitaller
vocation was not their own, they helped the Sisters of Charity in every way
possible while they were in the hospital.
In a letter at that time Fr. Jos6 Antonio expressed his thoughts on the
community, and more concretely on Raphaela Mary:
«This is going well. The Religious are more appreciated by the

people each day, and there is a great desire for them to stay here.
Particularly those who see and have dealings with your sister are
delighted and enthusiastic about her. The representative of the Council
said to me yesterday "Where did you find a Superior like that?" The
same thing, more or less, happens with all the others. They are all
behaving admirably* 50 .
«This is going on well* wrote Fr. Antonio to Dolores. That well-being

would not last long. Unfavourable reports were sent from Cordova to Jaen, and
the Bishop joined the group which did not understand the community, and still
less Fr. Jos6 Antonio. The Daughters of Charity also received orders to send
the young women away. What a harsh order; and how difficult to fulfil! The
48
Letter to Dolores Porras, 1st February 1877.
49
PRECIOSA SANGRE, op. tit. I p. 101.
Cfk
Letter to Dolores Porras 16th Feb. 1877.
55
Superior of the hospital gave the news to Raphaela Mary.

Another move. This time to a house opposite the hospital. It was lent
to them free of charge.
On 19th February D. Antonio told Dolores the news: «The archpriest
of this town came to see me this afternoon. He showed me a letter from the
Bishop of Jaen's secretary in which he says that the Bishop of Cordova had
informed this Bishop that the Reparatrices ran away from his diocese. From the
tone of the letter I see that the Bishop of Jaen, to avoid displeasing the Bishop
of Cordova, will not allow you to be established here. So as I consider it useless
to trouble to go there, 1 am thinking of going to Madrid tonight ... Only your
sister knows this; I thought I would tell her. Thank God, they have a house
now, given to them gratis; it is the one opposite the hospital ... The Bishop's
secretary says that as you are private persons there is nothing to be said...»
He did not dare say by letter the worst thing of all, the most painful:
the Bishop of Jaen, just like the Bishop of Cordova, forbade him to exercise his
priestly ministry in the diocese. He did tell Raphaela Mary, but in secret,
forbidding her to tell anyone else.
So the poor superior was full of sorrow. She spent her days working
and encouraging them all. But the nights ...
«— Sister, are you asleep?
— No, Mother.
— Well, let us go to the chapel. Pray, pray hard ...»51.
O, Lord. When shall we ever be together again, living in peace, in a

little house, one which we can call «our own»?
In Cordova the days and nights were very busy too. Gathering up
everything in the house, attending to the continual visitors, making friends with
as many people as possible ... Two Novices and a postulant had stayed with
Dolores. The postulant was under age and was awaiting the consent of her
parents before going to Andujar.
They had some relief on 7th February. The Vicar General had met the
mothers of the Novices asking them to help him in his effort to make them
return. Dona Angustias, always a great friend of the foundresses and mother
of two of the Novices, did everything possible to keep the families from siding
with the diocesan Curia. So she sought the collaboration of another enthusiastic
supporter of the community, the mother of the Novice Maria de los Santos
Mart ires.
The meeting was a failure for the Vicar General, because this lady left
51
Cf. PRECIOSA SANGRE, op. cit. I p. 105.
56 Part one: 1850-1877
him with nothing to say from the first moment: «... It seems to me that if their
mothers, whose right it is, do not recall them, it is clear that we are happy with
their decision. And for myself, I can tell you that when my daughter entered
religious life I gave permission for whatever she had to do there» 52 .
The poor Vicar General left in a hurry. There was nothing he could
do there.
Dolores too was praying, praying earnestly, like her sister. This prayer
alone helped her to preserve the calm so harshly tried.
Sr. Maria del Buen Consejo was one of her companions; as Dolores
was to say later, she was a true « angel of good counsel* for her, as she helped
her through the worst moments. Yet, unintentionally she gave her an
unpleasant experience. On one of those sleepless nights, Dolores softly called
her companion. She did not answer. Dolores called louder. Silence Dolores
jumped from bed and went to the «Angel of good counsel*; she placed her
hand on her forehead and found her cold as death.
What anguish! Could Our I ^ r d possibly allow the sudden, mysterious
death of one of the Novices? It is easy to understand the horror of that night
Fortunately Maria del Buen Consejo came to herself, and she
explained that she had similar experiences before. But Dolores had not
forgotten that incident thirty years later, and she described it in her own lively
picturesque style. She stayed with the patient while the other Novice went to
call the doctor and the confessor: «She was like a dead person, and I too was
like someone dying; after about a quarter of an hour I noticed that she was
moving her lips and breathing almost imperceptibly, and so I hoped that she
would be able to receive the sacraments, and even more... Then I began to
caress her and call her quietly. Then she opened her eyes (which were like two
suns to me then), and smiling she motioned to me not to worry; and a little
later she said a few words, and I don't know how I did not go mad with
joy* .
Maria del Buen Consejo recovered in a few days. It was nothing more
than a tremendous fright. But what a shock for Dolores.
What a great weight of suffering the establishment of the Institute
caused those two sisters who never dreamt of being foundresses!
On one of those days in February Dolores made a quick trip to
Andujar with Dona Angustias. When she received a letter from Fr. Antonio
and another from her sister saying rather vaguely that there were plenty of
difficulties, she was afraid that they were hiding something from her. She spoke
52
M-MARIA DEL PILAR, op. cU. II 88. All account of the origin of the Institute contain
this sound answer. (M. Prcciosa Sangre; M. Martires; M.M. del Amparo etc.).
3
M. PILAR, op. tit. U 135.
to R a m 6 n , and he offered to go with her to Andtijar.

When she saw them, Raphaela Mary confided her greatest sorrow to
them: Fr. Antonio forbidden to exercise his priestly ministry. Ram6n suggested
going at once to Jaen to speak to the bishop. So they went. The prelate must
have been rather impressionable because he completely changed his attitude,
and even sent a telegram to Fr. Antonio asking him to return.
The visit to Jaen was very quick. On their return to Andujar they found
a letter from Fr. Ortiz giving the best possible news about his talks with the
bishop of Ciudad Real, Mgr. Victoriano Guisasola. It seemed then that
favourable winds were blowing from all directions; so the whole community
breathed freely. That old dilapidated house opposite the hospital seemed like
the ante-chamber of heaven to them.
«Even if Father dies we shall go on»
By 26th February the truce was over. A note from Fr. Antonio: «I have
received your letters, but I cannot answer them at length because I have been
ill for three days. It is nothing to worry about, thank God...» That handwriting,
which was always so firm, showed some very unusual weakness. The two
foundresses decided to go to Madrid to see what had happened to the priest.
They did not go alone. Was not Ram6n always ready to help them? He did not
fail this time; he went to Madrid too.
Don Antonio's illness was serious, as they had feared. At the best he
would take a long time to recover. The two sisters decided to separate again.
The Superior returned to Andujar to look after the Novices. Ramdn, who also
had urgent business, went with her. Apart from his business he had three young
motherless children. Dolores stayed in Madrid. This time her companion was
a good lady whom they had known for some time as Fr, Josd Antonio Ortiz
Urruela was her director.
Once again all their hopes seemed to be hanging by a thread: the
thread by which that man as his illness increased, was clinging on to life ... The
days passed slowly in Madrid and in Andujar. Dolores, beside Fr. Antonio, saw
him getting progressively worse. Raphaela Mary in Andujar was saved that
sorrow, but she had a greater one: not seeing or knowing what was happening,
what would happen afterwards, the result of so many steps taken in the dark.
During those days she wrote letters in which she pours out the anguish in her
heart; but she reveals still more her heroic trust: «Although I am not expecting
a letter from you today, I am writing so that you may not have the same sorrow
as I have. Thank God, my trust in Him sweetens it for me as does the peace
of spirit and the grace and strength which he gives me. May He be blessed for
58 Part one: 1850-1877
everything*54.
That she maintained her «peace of spirit* and «great strength* is
certain. Even the Novices did not suspect that she had reached the end of her
tether. On one occasion, speaking to one of them, she wanted to try her, to see
how far her decision to continue would go. She did not speak clearly about Fr.
Antonio's possible death or incapacity, but the Novice promptly realised her
suggestion: «Well, Mother*, she answered «we have to get used to this idea,
and be happy with whatever God wants. Even if the Father dies, we shall go
on* 55 .
Doubtless, such fidelity to their vocation, such faith in the foundresses
must have touched them. But it was also a great obligation, and Raphaela Mary
must have trembled when she heard those words. Could she, who felt her own
weakness so deeply, continue, and continue along these paths which seemed to
get lost in the night? How hard it was to be the guide on an unknown road!
About that time she wrote:
«We need strength and grace, especially myself who am so weak, so

as not to give way in this difficult state, particularly at times.
Don't be upset; Our Lord is helping us, but I cannot go on. I know
that this shows cowardice; but what am I to do! I have no strength for
more. May Our Lord forgive me; I did not want this to happen to me,
and I would not like to leave the enterprise, if it is his work. I am
praying day and night that if it is the enemy he does not get his way.
Your letter today convinces me once again, that the Father is in a
very doubtful, dark state. How much you must be suffering! For
goodness' sake, don't get ill. God is our Father, and in spite of what
1 said before, I accept everything...*56.
She wrote that letter to her sister on 17th March. Yes, Fr. Antonio's
condition was «dark and doubtful*: he had only two days to live.
The death of Fr. Josd Antonio on that memorable feast of St. Joseph
1877 was the last great trial before the foundation of the Institute of
Handmaids. Some years later, one of the Novices of that time said that after
that death the community was left without any human support «in the arms of
Providence alone* 57 . But for them Providence was incarnate in the two
54
Letter to M. Pilar, 8th March 1877.
55
Cfr. PRKCIOSA SANGRE, op. tit. 1 p. 192.
56
Letter to M. Pilar, 17th March 1877.
57
MARIA D E LOS SANTOS MARTIRES, Notes on the foundation of the house m Madrid,
sisters, the foundresses:
«Wherever you go, we shall go. None of us wants to be separated,

but to live with you, following the life you are going to Iead» .
What great «esprit de corps», what deep feeling for community in

young people who were just beginning to set out on the road together! They
were all united around the foundresses, in the arms of Providence alone. And
Providence was still guiding them in spite of Fr. Antonio's death. Before his
death he commended them to the Jesuit Joaquin Cotanilla who encouraged
them in the final difficulties before the foundation was definitely settled.
Fr. Jos6 Antonio disappeared from the scene, the man whom the
foundresses believed not only providential, but irreplaceable. He had a painful
death, but filled with humble grandeur. He went in the prime of life, having
travelled a very eventful road: he could claim many successes and some failures,
like all men. In the eyes of most of his contemporaries he possessed unusual
qualities. He was perhaps a person of extremes; his temperament brought Him
frequent difficulties.
He was the second great director of the two Porras sisters -the first
was Jos6 Maria Ibarra. But like Ibarra, he was not only a spiritual guide, he
was also an adviser, one who encouraged the project of the foundation. The
simple parish priest of Pedro Abad had been voluntarily eclipsed by Him - what
a great man was Jos£ Maria Ibarra - but Raphaela Mary and Dolores never
forgot his teaching, or above all his attitude to life: modest, wisely modest;
moderate; human and supernatural at the same time. In some imaginary
Congress of Prudence, Fr Jos6 Maria could have taken the presidential chair
among the most discreet. Fr Antonio, perhaps, would not even have been
present at such a Congress, dedicated as he was to many other affairs in which
great questions were discussed: justice, human rights, council themes, new ways
of religious life ... And there is no doubt that he was busy in all these matters
during his life with outstanding competence. It is marvellous to see that a man
of his intellectual ability should also have such a deep appreciation of persons,
however ignorant they might be. He was highly esteemed as a director by all
kinds of people.
Fr Jose Antonio showed his true greatness when he accepted the final
blows of his life. When he received calmly the order suspending him from his
priestly ministry, he wrote: «God is helping me very much. Positively, I am
CG
Anonymous account. The same idea occurs in the other accounts of the origin of the
Institute.
60 Part one: 1850-1877
happy and joyful. I do not deserve to be treated with such love as God is
treating me ...»59. And, above all, when he was assured that his illness was
incurable, and he showed no sign of rebellion; when he realised that it was God
himself - not men, who even as bishops could be mistaken - who was asking
him to leave the work which he had protected with so much interest. He then
called Fr. Cotanilla; he made his confession to him, and entrusted the matter
to him. For himself, all he had to do was to give up his spirit to God with
complete confidence, with faith, with love.
In her account of these events Dolores wrote that from that moment
he did not even bother to open the letters which were arriving every day. He
had turned definitely towards the other shore of life. And afterwards Fr.
Cotanilla recounted that he did not even want to mention to him any details of
his last sufferings, that misunderstanding which at the end of his life placed him
beneath the great shadow of the cross.
He was a cultured, brilliant, highly esteemed man; perhaps rather sure
of himself; perhaps sometimes too violent ... Now in death, he revealed the
great truth of his life: his deep sincerity. Now, almost forgotten, he surrendered
to death in complete peace. He was, above all, a priest. He knew well that the
Eucharist which he had celebrated so many times, with such great fervour,
empowers us with the death of Our Lord, and prepares us to surrender our life
with love.
«If the death of Our Lord comes upon us day by day and if the
Eucharist empowers us with that death, it behoves us to consider how Christ
Our Lord accepted it. So when we are speaking in our heart and expressing the
deep truth of our being, meditation on the Eucharist should help us to say to
Christ: I would like, from now on, to practise from this moment that availability
which you will ask of me one day - 1 do not know how - so that I shall not have
to tear myself from life with the despair of a sinner, but I may surrender it to
you with faith in absolute love, in silence, indifferent, detached from
everything*60.
Fr. Joaquin Cotanilla, the first Jesuit in this story
The Institute's contacts with Fr. Cotanilla were begun in specially

critical moments: during the days of Fr. Antonio's illness. Besides the external
difficulties, God did not allow the foundresses to be without the more subtle
CO
Letter to Dolores Porras, 19th February 1877.
60
RANIIER, Meditations on the Exercises of St. Ignatius (Ed. Herder, Barcelona 1977) pp
204-2Q5.
interior trial. They had always believed that they were obeying the will of the
One who was calling them. Now He was trying their hearts and allowing their
doubts to grow. Dolores recounts that sometimes, when she saw how things
were going, she became disheartened, and she even began to wonder if they
had always acted correctly in the whole business of the foundation:
«When I saw our Father slowly dying ... I was distressed and my
conscience was troubled with the idea that perhaps this was a
punishment from God, and that we had been trying in vain to become
established, etc. etc. So one day, when I felt helpless, I slipped out to
consult Fr. Cotanilla» 61 .
Dolores spoke for more than an hour. Fr. Cotanilla listened to her
attentively without opening his lips. Only when she was tired and she paused,
questioning him with her look, did he speak:
«Sr. Pilar, I find no sin in anything you have told me; rather I assure
you that it is God's work, and if you turn back you will be opposing
His holy wil]»62.
Among all that Dolores told Fr. Cotanilla that day she said that their
friends in Cordova were asking very earnestly for the Novices to return. They
all promised to help them, but no one was able to give any assurance on the
fundamental point: the complete preservation of the rules and the way of life
which they believed was suitable for their vocation. They could not return in
that uncertainty; this was clear to both the sisters.
Fortunately Fr. Cotanilla's good intervention succeeded in bringing the
matter to a happy conclusion. But there were setbacks right up to the last
moment. The wind was still blowing from different directions with occasional
gusts. But, through the Jesuit's influence Dolores met the bishop of Ciudad
Real, and the auxiliary of Madrid. Her relationship with them had its ups and
downs - the story of the departure of the novices from Cordova would have
carried weight with any bishop - but it did give her access to the Cardinal of
Toledo.
We have summed up very briefly in this paragraph a long series of
incidents which perhaps reached their peak on 20th March. On that day, after
Fr. Antonio's death, Dolores was about to return to Andujar without even
waiting for the funeral. Then she thought of going to say goodbye to Fr.
61
62
Ibid. II 224.
62 Part one: 1850-1877
Cotanilla.
«...This true Father, even kinder than ever, told them not to go by
any means. He had told the Bishop everything, and he was expecting
to see them. They must not worry at all; the Bishop was favourable,
and would receive them very well. And he went on encouraging us to
trust... The words of this venerable Father went to the depths of her
afflicted heart, and feeling encouraged, she changed her mind about
going away, and went to the Bishop's house. On the way she said to
Carmen 63 : "Perhaps things will change; let us make the last attempt,
Carmen".
That was a decisive conversation - if such can be called the exhortation,

almost a monologue of Fr. Cotanilla. It changed Dolores' saddened spirit, and
brought courage again to her âfflicted heart». In order to judge the
importance of that moment we would have to measure the deep sorrow and
uncertainty wrought in the foundresses by Fr. Antonio's death.
Decided to make the «final attempt* as soon as possible, Dolores set
out immediately for the house of the auxiliary bishop, Dr. Sancha y Herv&s65.
«They reached the bishop's house, and he received them with all his
benevolent fatherly kindness ... He encouraged them saying that now
Our Lord wanted to put an end to the trial of his affection and
predilection. That he was ready to receive and support them; they
should go to Andujar, tell her sister and superior, and return with all
of them, if they were satisfied*66.
Nevertheless, he advised them to visit the Cardinal of Toledo and

obtain his express permission. Dolores managed to find enough strength to go
to tell Fr. Cotanilla the good news, and he, as if his loving care had not yet
done enough, offered to write out the request for admittance which had to be
presented to the Cardinal. This was the first of the collection of documents
which the good, conscientious Jesuit drew up for the Handmaids. After his
death M. Pilar said in all truth: «... the Congregation owes its existence to His
" Carmen G6mez, the lady who went with her to Madrid.
64
PRECIOSA SANGRE, op. cit. I p. 198-199.
65
Don Ciriaco Maria Sancha yIlejvas, born in Quintana del Pidio (Burgos) on 18th July 1833
Died in Toledo in 1909.
66
Chronicle 1 p. 199-200.
Reverence®67.
«A11 they did was hope...!»
On the day of Fr. Antonio's death Dolores sent a telegram to the

priest Don Juan Vacas, brother of one of the Novices and friend of the
community. He was the one who had to break the sad news. To the news he
added on his own account the advice to return as soon as possible to Cordova.
Raphaela Mary accepted the news of the Father's death with serenity - «May
God's will be done! He will help us». - She went to the chapel to recite the Te
Deum, three times, slowly. After that she listened patiently to Don Juan Vacas
telling them what should be done:
«... Don Juan tried to convince me with very strong reasons that we
should go back to Cordova; I'll tell you what he said when you come.
But I answered that I cannot say anything until we have discussed it;
and afterwards I will tell him or Don Ricardo what we decide ... Don
Juan wants us to leave new things, and do what Fr. Morote says, bring
in the Visitation nuns who have an excellent spirit. I agreed with the
latter, and as a last resort, with the first, after thinking about it. But
said I was ready to work as much as I can for what it seems God has
destined me®68.
In spite of her firmness, the situation was so obscure that the Superior
thought it would be better for M. Pilar to return to Andujar, so that they could
think together about what should be done. The Chronicles of the Institute
record in detail the wavering and uncertainties of those important moments:
«On the evening of 21st March Maria del Pilar received a letter
from her sister and Superior saying: "Don't move; Ramon is going".
This telegram was sent as soon as she received the letter of 20th giving
an account of the state of affairs and the result of the visit to Toledo.
Our Superior with good reason believed that after the Father's death
nothing more could be done in Madrid .. She was not aware, either,
of all that Fr. Cotanilla knew of their affairs, and of his great interest
Letter to her sister, 2nd May 1886. Fr. Joaquin Cotanilla S J , was bom in Santa Cruz de
la Zarza (Toledo) on 15th August 1818; entered the Society of Jesus in 1834 ... The Diary of the
Jesuits in Madrid says of him "for the Handmaids he was the providential man" ...
68
Letter to M. Pilar, 23rd March 1877.
64 Part one: 1850-1877
in them... So as they were still being urged to return to Cordova, she

decided that her brother Ram6n who was in Andujar at the time,
should go to Madrid, and if nothing could be done there, he should
bring back her sister. Maria del Pilar, who knew about the request
from Cordova, realised all that was implied in the telegram. She was
afraid that if her brother arrived before she had gone to Toledo,
however much she asked, he would prevent it. So she wanted to go as
soon as possible. But the order to stay came fron her Superior. What
was she to do? If she stayed she was endangering her future and that
of her sisters; if she went she was failing against obedience... She had
an awful struggle for some time, above all wondering if she was
opposing God's will. Finally she decided to go to consult Fr.
Cotanilla... It was night time and pouring with rain, and Carmen was
ill; worn out with suffering. New fears, and new difficulties. She
overcame herself once more, and took a maid from the hospital as a
companion; she set off almost swimming like a duck through the
streets of Madrid. She told Fr. Cotanilla about the telegram, and what
she saw as the consequences; then she asked for his opinion and
advice. The prudent priest was in no hurry to reply, and he wanted her
to be the one to give a solution. It seems as if Our Lord let him know
that the whole work depended on these words, and that up to a certain
point he had placed it in his hands. So the priest hesitated, then he
said:
— And what does Sr. Pilar say to this?
— Father - she answered with her natural liveliness - I say that I
should go.
— Then Sister, go with God - answered the priest. And quite happily
she withdrew* .
Dolores went to Toledo on 22nd March and on 23rd she was received
in audience by the Cardinal. He gave verbal permission for them to be
established in Madrid. He was not very enthusiastic, because he too was aware
of the story of their departure from Cordova, of the trouble with the Bishop,
and the desire of the priests of Cordova for the community to return ... But, he
did give his permission. He would certainly never repent of that.
That 23rd March was the feast of Our Lady of Sorrows, Dolores' feast
day; but she did not celebrate it on that day - and she did not have time to do
so in any case - by now everyone was used to calling her by her new name:
Pilar.
69
Chronicle t pp. 206-209.
On 25th at night she began her journey back to Andtijar. She had a
high temperature, but her excitement about the meeting made her forget
everything else. They had too many things to say, too much to comment. They
had suffered a great deal; but in spite of all temptations, their faith had always
prevailed. «I find I have great courage and strength because I have placed my
trust in the Lord, that He will always help us because we want nothing but his
honour and glory»70. Thus wrote Raphaela Mary in the midst of the trials.
Now when the sisters met, they decided to call the Novices together
to give them a clear account of the state of matters and the hopes given by the
welcome offered by the Cardinal of Toledo. With this sincere explanation the
foundresses once again placed the Novices before a road which they could
freely follow or leave. In fact it was to be a personal decision. The chronicler
of that time recounts the scene with all its details".
«... After a few moments Maria del Pilar gathered them all in the
presence of the Superior saying that she had to speak to them. They
sat on the floor around our Superior and her sister, in the room which
they used as an oratory. Sr. Pilar told them the whole story which we
knew and said that the Bishop wanted them to go as soon as possible;
but it was voluntary, that is, those who wished to go; any one else
could go home, in peace; no one would be upset by that. Our sister
then paused, awaiting a reply. The Superior waited, and her daughters,
as if all moved by a spring, said:
— Mother, let us go - not one of them hesitating to answer.
Maria del Pilar told them they had some time to think about it, and
then decide. But any delay was too long for them, and they did nothing
then but think about the journey. They all agreed among themselves
that it would be better not to say anything to anybody, still less to their
families, because they would hinder the plan, and, the sooner the
• 71.
better, as the saying is»
Fr Antonio's death was helping more towards the foundation than did
his life. Great peace fell upon the minds of the two foundresses and it spread
throughout the whole community. They had never lost hope of being recognised
by the Church.
Much later one of the Novices wrote words which express beautifully
the attitude of trust in which they were living:
70
71
Chronicle, I p. 230-1.
66 Part one: 1850-1877
«It is said that the just man lives by faith, and that is just what was
happening to our Sisters: their faith sustained them, whether they were
sinking or whether it seemed they could see the skies open. Everything
was hope for them!* 72 .
Two days after her arrival in Andujar, M. Pilar, although still unwell,
left again for Madrid. One of the Novices went with her. They went to look for
a house, a place to lodge for the first time, with permission. The contract for
renting the house was signed on Holy Saturday. Their dwelling was on the
second floor of No. 12 Bola Street.
They told the others in Andujar at once. And Raphaela Mary the
Superior, quickly began preparations for the journey. The last - and in a certain
sense, the definitive - stage, of that long road travelled without faltering in faith
hope and charity.
72
Ibid. I p. 133.
Chapter IV
«WHO PLANNED THE EXISTENCE OF THIS WORK?»
«Neither Fr. Antonio's plan,

nor that of those other priests,
nor anything which anyone wanted succeeded...®
The most difficult ehapter in the history of the Handmaids of the

Sacred Heart came to an end in Mareh 1877. Rather, a kind of prologue to that
history was over: the Institute really came into existence, it began to live.
In our account we have reaehed the eve of the foundation, of the
extablishment of the community in Madrid. So it is right that we should now
glance backwards at the events whieh led up to this. They are such as to
deserve reflecting upon; an attempt to judge them from the bare details given
in the story. The main eharaeters certainly did so, and with less perspective
than we have. For this reason they did not always assess the full weight of eaeh
person, or eaeh happening. But we, more than one century later, are obliged
to be restrained, deeply understanding in our appreciation of events.
Canonically the foundation took plaee in Madrid on 14th April 1877.
In reality it did not take place, rather it had been taking place throughout a
whole proeess which we might call dramatie. Without anyone's intervention the
changes of scene followed one another unexpectedly. So many persons
intervened in the process that no one, not one of them, could be considered the
sole author, still less the producer of the projeet. The two Porras sisters were
the most deeply convinced of this. The elder thus expressed it:
«... Although all Institutes come from God, they have founders; that
is, saints who conceived a projeet through divine inspiration, and began
with this idea. But in this work, who planned its existence? No one as
far as I know. For Fr. Antonio brought in the French nuns; we gave
up the idea of being Carmelites, submitting to higher advice, and we
offered ourselves to those superiors so that they might carry out their
plan. And yet, Fr. Antonio's plan did not succeed, neither did that of
those others, nor what anyone wanted. But from not being, that is,
through undoing plans, the plan of the Heart of Jesus was carried out,
surely, because we were approved under that title. It was as if the title
was the seal of that work, all from negative aets .J* 1 .
1
Letter to M. Purisima, 12th June 1895.
76 Part one: 1850-1877
If this is true, it is also true that God brought about his plans with
instruments which were human, and therefore free and responsible for their
acts. History is concerned, of course, with the part played by each one of them.
Jos6 Maria Ibarra. An exemplary priest, a moderate man who was
prudent enough not to trust too much in his own ideas. He saw his own part
very clearly; it was above all not to attribute to himself any role in the vocation
of the two sisters, in spite of having been their spiritual director who started
them off along extraordinary ways of self surrender. We have Dolores's opinion
of him: «I think that this priest who had great fear of God, influenced us only
in not deceiving us about what was true virtue, and in supporting us with regard
to what God Our Lord seemed to be asking of us»2.
Don Ricardo Miguez, Archdeacon of Cordova Cathedral. He, together
with the Diocesan Confessor, always kept to the idea of a foundation which
would attend to the «urgent needs» of the diocese. He was a man who took
some time before he was sure of the worth of the two foundresses; but when
he became friendly, he was a true friend. In the most difficult moments of
friction he tried to smooth the relations between the Bursar of the diocese and
Fr. Antonio Ortiz and the community. He was undoubtedly a good friend; but
he would have sacrificed any project in order to obtain an educational centre
in Cordova. His plan did not succeed but he certainly influenced the two sisters
in making them see the value of Catholic education, -"indispensable to avoid
troubles and to bring about social regeneration*, through t r a i n i n g
•((intelligences, hearts and wills*3.
Fr. Antonio Ortiz Urruela. His entrance upon the scene guided
thoughts to a new Institute centred on education, «without excluding other
works of zeal*. Fr. Antonio led the foundresses towards the Society of Marie
Reparatrice. Their time as Novices in this Institute was very enriching for them.
Their vague desires for religious life - which they had been seeking for years,
ever since the death of their mother in 1869 - was changed into firm, concrete
love for a form which they thought satisfied their deepest aspirations. In the
Society of Marie Reparatrice they found two elements which never changed
throughout their lives: devotion to the Eucharist (in the special form of
adoration of the real presence), and Ignatian spirituality.
Having arrived at this point, and wanting to see the importance of the
Institute of Marie Reparatrice for Raphaela Mary and her sister, we have to
look back and think of how they came to enter it. We find ourselves once more
with Fr. Antonio Ortiz Urruela who, with the Archdeacon and the Confessor
2
M. PILAR, op. cit. I 2.
3
Report sent with the foundresses' request for permission of the Bishop of Cordova for them
to live in community after the departure of the Reparadoras.
C.4. The Institute foundation 69
- and with Don Jos6 Maria Ibarra in the background - set them on the way to
establish an apostolic project needed in the diocese, for which Fr. Ortiz
believed the French foundation was very suitable «dedicated to adoration of the
Blessed Sacrament, not excluding other works of zeal». Only in the light of this
is it possible to understand that they felt obliged to stay in Cordova when the
religious left for Seville, in spite of their great affection for that form of
religious life and the elements included in the spirituality of the Society of
Marie Reparatrice. It must never be thought that there were personal clashes
with the Sisters of the Society. If tensions did exist, they were between Fr.
Antonio and the priests of the diocese on the one hand, and the French
Religious on the other. We have two details in proof of this: one is the desire
of the two Porras sisters to give their house to the Society; the other, words
written by Dolores some years later, excusing both parties in the conflict. From
this it is clear that she considered it was nothing to do with her: «The priests
who were guiding us had to defend our rights and the work which they had
advised us to undertake for the glory of God. The Religious had to defend their
own rights, and when these were opposed, I think there is a great excuse for
the procedure®4.
Two other priests besides the Bishop intervened at the time of the
break with the diocese: the Chancellor, Don Camilo de Palau and the treasurer
Don Juan Comes. There is not much more to add about either of these. Their
good will is not in doubt; but it is a fact that there were too many people
involved, allhough all were good; and this made the whole affair unnecessarily
complicated. There were frequent misunderstandings. This was acknowledged
later by those who had to play the villain's part in this story. Fortunately there
was time later on to clarify many points. Although some were not completely
settled, sufficient was brought to light for them to accept whole-heartedly,
without any hesitation, the points of view of the others which we are unable to
understand completely.
Don Camilo de Palau was always sure of the foundresses' right
intention. He suffered very much because he also had to defend the Bishop's
position, and he was ready to do so. A short time after those events the two
sisters wrote to him asking pardon for the trouble they had unwillingly caused
him at that time. Don Camilo answered on 9th April 1877, saying:
«You never offended me or gave me any reason to be scandalised.

I always believed that you were acting for a good end, although
perhaps you were worried about the future of the young women under
your care. On the other hand, you were young and advised by persons
4
M. PILAR, op. cit. I 33.
78 Part one: 1850-1877
who from your point of view had to be respected, so I was not

surprised that you acted as you did. I thought that only God can read
the hearts, and He alone can judge everyone's intentions. Yours,
because I was sure on account of your up-bringing, your antecedents
and your solid principles, that you wanted to act rightly, and in a way
most pleasing to God; and mine, because I knew the anguish I went
through at having to intervene in the matter, because my duty gave me
no alternative. About the intentions of the others, I was aware of their
upright intentions, and their affection for this house. So I always
thought, and still think, that that happened through God's permission
and high judgement; and perhaps, or even without perhaps, it was all
intended for his greater glory, although at the time it seemed the
opposite. Therefore, there is no reason for you to ask my pardon ...
because to pardon presupposes a fault in the pardoned, and in you
there is no fault. I do not pardon you, rather I love you deeply in the
loving Heart of Christ. And I who was the instrument used by
Providence (for what high ends I do not know) to give you so much
trouble and unpleasantness, I beg you with all my heart to pardon and
excuse me for all that I made you and your good Sisters in religion
suffer ...».
God's ways cannot be measured by the

trivial standards of men .„»
The most painful part of this story is that which refers to the
relationship between the Bishop and Fr. Ortiz Urruela. Fray Ceferino must
have considered the affair very serious when he told the priest that he was
suspended from his priestly ministry. Fr. Antonio received that canonical
punishment twice in one month. The first time it came through the hands of
the Vicar General of the diocese of Cordova, representing the Bishop; the
second, from the Bishop of Jaen, Mgr. Monescillo; the latter undoubtedly
influenced by the Bishop of Cordova (he himself admits this).
Don Camilo de Palau makes what is perhaps the only certain
judgement on this matter. Shortly after the death of Fr. Antonio, he was
speaking of the past events to Fr. Cermeno, a Jesuit who soon became very
friendly with the Handmaids. We know the content of that conversation from
a letter of Don Camilo to Dolores Porras:
«We began by his asking me what I thought of Fr. Antonio (now in

glory)... He was sure of Fr. Antonio's goodness, but I knew that the
atmosphere created by the events of those days was very dark, and that
outside influence from Seville was still affecting the minds of judicious
people, giving them very false ideas. I told him clearly, as he was
asking for my opinion and that of my friend, that I believed Fr.
Antonio had died like a saint, and I would not wish for any better
death for myself. Not everything which is condemned before men is
condemned before Jesus who sees the purity of intention, and often is
pleased to see that his chosen ones suffer ignominy for his sake; and
keep silent when they are innocent. He then told me that there was
one point which threw a bad light on our Father, and that was his
suspension. For if it was granted that it was unjust, then indirectly the
conduct of the one who had imposed it was condemned; but if it was
deserved, he did not see how he could be justified before the people.
I answered that it is true that seen from a human point of view, and
under the prism of stnctum ius, what he said was right. But looking at
things from their true point of view, that is, as they should be seen by
a Christian, and knowing that they are persons who undoubtedly
sought and do seek the good of religion, persons of upright and
delicate conscience, educated and talented, it was a very different
matter, and I could only see in it all a great love for God Our Lord
and his glory on both sides. There could be some divergence in
appreciating the means. But, Father, I said, could anyone be blamed
for that? As for myself, I assure you that I believe, and I have always
firmly believed that both Fr. Antonio and the Bishop were innocent
before God; I say more, I believe that they were both so pleasing to
him in the position they each held in this business that they could not
have been more pleasing; because both were seeking his greater glory,
in good faith and honesty. I who have intervened in this affair and
have had the opportunity of knowing them both interiorly, I say that
there was no haste on the part of authority and no rebellion on the
part of the subjects. Yes, there was a misunderstanding, allowed by
God, because He wanted to lead things by another way, and He was
not calling the foundation along the weak path it would have taken if
they had not left the town. For this reason God Our Lord used an
extraordinary means to bring it to the point where it is now, so that it
might be a flowing river and not a stream. You know that God's ways
cannot be measured with the mean standards of men».
Fray Ceferino Gonzalez also has the excuse that he was absent from
the diocese. He returned at the end of February, and he did not cease to
lament that things had gone so far. But he left all as it was. He had too many
other plans for renewal, too many urgent affairs to attend to. He gave himself
80 Part one: 1850-1877
up to his pastoral work, and for the time being forgot the affair of those
Novices who wanted the rules of St. Ignatius at all costs, and public worship of
the Eucharist, etc.; those Novices who realised that strict enclosure would not
be good for them, nor the Bishop's close protection... In fact Fray Ceferino was
a magnificent prelate in Cordova; and within Spain he was one of the few
bishops of his time able to look in perspective at the social and religious
problems of a developing world.
Some months later Fray Ceferino and Dolores Porras met again, and
in view of her explanations, the Bishop changed his attitude towards the
Institute which by that time - September 1877 - was canonically established in
Madrid. From that moment until his death, Fray Ceferino was a protector and
faithful friend of the Handmaids.
Those who had lived through that conflict then had the chance to see
that many problems in this world are solved simply by waiting. The winter of
1877 seemed very long, but spring arrived at last, and then summer and autumn
... Nature followed its rhythm; in its own way it could wait and revive. That
community too, so tried in waiting, so inveterate in hope, finally found its way
of life.
By the time reconciliation was achieved only one of the players was
missing: Fr. Jos6 Antonio Ortiz Urruela. Paticnce no longer had any meaning
for him. He had gone on to the life in which there is no more hope or faith
because no room is left for them by charity, becausc love invades all.
Upon the solid foundation of her humble life
Years later Raphaela Mary remembered that brief conversation with

her sister while they were hurriedly preparing to leave for Andujar: «I have no
desires to be a foundress*. «Neither have I; but what are we going to do, if
God Our Lord has placed us in this fix?* This assurance stayed with the two
sisters throughout their lives:
«When anybody said: "You, the foundresses ...", both the Servant of
God and M. Pilar used to answer: "We were not the foundresses. The
Founder was the Heart of Jesus. We would have spoiled
everything"
The Handmaids who knew the two sisters personally, especially those
first companions who had gone through the risks and uncertainties of the birth
5
Apostolic process (Cordova 1940) Evidence of M. Higinia Berg^.
of the Institute, never doubted the fundamental role which God had assigned
them. « Whether you wanted it or not, you were the foundresses®, said a
Religious on one occasion6. And Raphaela Mary and Dolores themselves felt
very strongly their motherhood of the Institute. They felt it in the joy of seeing
it develop, and grow, and in the pain of its hidden, despised life - because one
after another they were to go through similar experiences of joy and of sorrow.
They considered it their Institute, in the way that something can be said to be
man's when in reality it is God's alone. They were foundresses insofar as their
receptivity grew, and they welcomed with ever more open spirit, God's plan.
They did not make the Institute. They accepted that a wise builder would raise
it up on the solid foundation of their humble life.
Before our account reaehes the moment of the foundation it will be
useful for us to pause a moment to consider the person who stands at the
eentre of this story: Raphaela Mary of the Sacred Heart. We call her now by
her full name, the name given her by the Church on proclaiming her holiness,
because it includes her family name and the one she had in religious life. It
speaks to us of the earth in which she received God's call, and reminds us of
her mother in whose womb the echo of the divine voice first resounded (cf. Jer.
1,5). The name is also qualifying: «of the Sacred Heart*; and if we think about
it, it expresses clearly the direction of her life: a life employed in love,
possessed by and surrendered to the Heart of Him who loved to excess.
Raphaela Mary of the Saered Heart. It is rather long, but portrays
perfectly the woman who bore it, in herself, with her human greatness and
littleness invaded and overwhelmed by graee.
Raphaela Mary's personality is revealed in many ways in this period
of the Institute's gestation. If we read the letters which she wrote at that time
we run the risk of m i n i m i s i n g her sufferings. We see her, animated, joyful, even
optimistic at times. Always with interest in daily life and concerned about the
solution of urgent problems.
Nevertheless we should examine her night of pain, the helplessness
which at times made her exclaim: «I have no strength for more!...» This is
necessary if we are to appreciate fully her attitude in the face of so many
difficulties; her trust in God who never abandons the one who knows his own
littleness; - «we need strength and his grace; especially myself, who am so
weak® she wrote. Her loneliness, the deep darkness of her sleepless nights
reveal her capacity for suffering, the tenderness of her heart, poured out upon
everyone in need; upon those Novices, who also are trying, as she is, to trust
in God, but who are grateful for the human support of a trust greater than
their own.
6
Daios sobre la M. Sagrado Corazon 131. An account by M. Elisa Merelio.
82 Part one: 1850-1877
The saints are not supermen like the heroes of mythology. Their
greatness lies b their veiy humanity; b that littleness, which when opened
wide, God fills beyond all measure. The greatness of the sabts is found b the
fact that they knew their own limitations, like the rest of men, and they trusted
b the Only One who could overcome them.
What simple fortitude, what loving eonduct b Raphaela Mary during
those eventful days b Cordova and Andujar. Her correspondence with her
sister reveals her to us as the Novices saw her: prudent, serene, not allowing
herself to be cast down by the weight of worries which assault her:
«My dear sister: You will know already that our journey was good.
We are very well here; very well looked after by the Sisters. I do not
know how we are gobg to repay them...
Cheer up ... I imagbe you are arrested. It doesn't matter. God
above all. Write». 7
»... Thank God we now have news of you. I have spent two nights
without sleep thinkbg of what happened there.
... I am humbled by the appreciation shown by everyone who sees
us»8.
Raphaela Mary m a b t a b e d her basic attitude of certainty throughout

that unstable situation. In spite of the almost contbual trials to which the
Institute was exposed, she always hoped that they would obtab the approval of
the Church. If this were not so, it is difficult to explarn the words she wrote to
Ana Maria de Baeza, a young girl who wanted to j o b the community even
before they left Cordova:
«... We are well here, but still have not decided where we shall settle
definitely; we are much loved here; we shall see what Our Lord
arranges; I'll let you know when everything is decided. What happbess
it is to be able to suffer something for our good Jesus! I am humbled
when I see how Our Lord honours us by letting us suffer somethmg
for Him. We are all veiy happy, and we consider ourselves very
fortunate. We are not b the hospital now; we are living in a rather
large, very pleasant house, and we follow our rules in part; above all
there is a marvellous spirit of union»y.
7
Letter of 7th February 1S77.
8
8th February 1877.
9
February 1877.
The statements in that letter were confirmed by those who lived

through those same adventures with Raphaela Mary in an atmosphere of
serene confidence. In that superior, just as young as they were, the Novices
found a fundamental support, the human basis upon which they built the image
of their community. For she always offered them reasons for hope, as she was
«always the most cheerful and the one who gave most joy to the rest» 10 .
If we have contemplated a Raphaela Mary overwhelmed with worries,
accepting in silence the prospect of a hasty journey from Cordova to Andujar,
we must complete that picture with one of this Raphaela Mary who consoles
and encouragcs; who can impart not confidence alone, but joy. We must also
look at her as she recounts with much humour the insignificant details of their
daily life in the hospital in Andujar: «The seven days' prayer began this
afternoon ... Our sisters sang the Litany, and the Sisters here sang a mournful
Salve so badly that I though I would die with anguish... 1 think that if these girls
go on like this thay will frighten off all the people®11.
We can see from this that her complete dedication to God did not
nullify but rather favoured the gifts of her peaceful, amiable, serene character,
even in the midst of external difficulties and anguish of heart. And this explains
the extraordinary fact that in spite of so many ups and downs those first
Handmaids, Raphaela Mary's Novices, thought of the period of the foundation
as a golden age.
«Our life at this time was perfectly complete. Our close relationship
like that we read of about the first Christians, with true faith and love;
observance of the rules, in all its primitive fervour ... All due to the
grace of our God who chose us for that, and each day we saw it was
all his work» 12 .
«A11 due to the grace of our God...»
It seems that the one who wrote those words had assimilated well the
idea so often repeated by the foundresses. All was grace, a gift. That conviction
always filled them with confidence, with a faith capable of moving mountains:
10
I'RHCtOSA SANGRE, op. cit. I p. 114.
11
To her sister, 16th February 1877.
12
M. MARIA DE LOS DOLORES, Account p. 20.
76 Part one: 1850-1877
«I have courage and strength because I have placed my trust in the

Lord, knowing that He will always help us, because we want nothing
but His honour and glory»13.
Thus wrote Raphaela Mary of the Sacred Heart in February 1877.

Because she always trusted, because she held to that absolute hope throughout
her life, she became a saint.
Letter to her sister, 18th February 1877.

P A R T T W O
(1877-1887)
Chapter I
MADRID, CRADLE OF THE INSTITUTE
In a corner of Madrid
At daybreak on 3rd April 1877 fourteen young women gathered in the

chapel of the hospital in Andujar. It was a night during Easter week. The joy
of the Risen Christ shone in a special way upon that Eucharist which the
chaplain was celebrating particularly for the travellers. Yes, travellers. Raphaela
Mary and her Novices were setting out for Madrid at dawn.
Although that was a festal liturgy, there was a certain air of the
catacombs about it. Their faccs still showed some signs of their past difficulties,
but in their hearts they felt they were approaching victory. «Lumen Christi,
lumen Christi» «Light of Christ». M. Sacrcd Heart 1 was filled with immense
gratitude: for the painful past, experienced with deep faith, and for the
confident vision of the future.
They left the chapel and started on their way. It was raining, pouring
with rain. They rcachcd the station completely soaked. Really, that did not
matter much. Their attire would not lose much with the water. They were an
extraordinary-looking group: poor and strangely dressed. But for an attentive
observer, that group of women was truly thought-provoking: their poor clothing
did not hide the fact that some were distinguished, others were serenely
composed, and all were calm, young and joyful. Certainly, as they boarded the
train and looked for places in the third-class carriage, they could not but attract
attention. The train was several hours late. It was soon after six o'clock in the
morning when the train whistled and set off from Andujar amid clouds of
smoke.
«Lcavc your own country ...» Abraham had heard these words
thousands of years before (cf. Gen. 12,1) which were now resounding within M.
Sacred Heart. In normal circumstances a journey to Madrid would have meant
nothing to her; from an early age she had been used to living for a time in
different places. But there had always been a home awaiting her; her parents'
house, her usual occupations, the music from the fountain in the patio. This
journey was different; it was similar only to the final departure from Pedro
Abad - the «trot, trot, trot» of the coach horses keeping time with the rhythm
of her memories and the beating of her heart - and it was also like their
departure from Cordova for Andujar at eleven o'clock at night. The rhythmic
1
From now onwards we shall give Raphaela Mary the name she used in the Institute.
87 Part two: 1877-1887
rocking of the train reminded her of her thoughts on that occasion. But now
she was travelling with a new hope.
M. Maria de! Pilar had left for Madrid before these with one of the
Novices on 27th March. They went to prepare the way for the community and
to look for a house which could accommodate them all. Maria del Pilar had
left Andujar before she had recovered from her cold, and she arrived in the
capital exhausted, without any voice, and with a high temperature. It was her
companion who wrote a few lines on 28th March full of optimism. In fact that
optimism was rather naive, as was the author of the letter. Maria dc San
Ignacio who was seeing Madrid for the first time: «My dear Mother, We
finished our journey without any difficulties, thanks be to God. Wc arrived here
about six in the morning. As we left the train Maria del Pilar asked me:
«Would you like to walk, and we'll save ...?» I answered: «Suppose our feet gcL
frozen?»„. When we were asked if we wanted a cab, we looked down, and went
on walking. I was quite dizzy at seeing all the good things here; they have to
be seen to be believed. After walking for about an hour we reached San Gines.
We heard Mass and received Holy Communion in the chapel of the Santo
Cristo. After our thanksgiving we came to the hospital where the Sisters were
very pleased to welcome us. Maria del Pilar will give you more details®.
There was a postscript to the letter which told the Superior about Fr.
Cotanilla's negotiations: «Mother, Fr. Cotanilla has just arrived and he is
speaking to Maria del Pilar, thai is why she is not writing. I am writing only
what I have heard. He says we are going to see the house, and if we like it wc
shall ask for the keys, and it will be ours ...»
Now, on the morning of Tuesday in Easter Week the Superior was
mentally going over the details of this letter and of others which followed. At
first they had agreed to go in two groups; then they bad had to delay their
departure, and finally they dccided to go all together. It had not been too easy
to find a house in Madrid, especially as Maria del Pilar was ill.
The jolting of the train continued, and M. Sacred Heart's thoughts
were still running on. She thought of the farewells to their friends in Andujar,
of their sorrow when they heard the Sisters were going... Two Novices had gone
to Cordova to collect all they had left in their old convent in San Roque Street.
But she did not have too much time to be thinking of the past. The
conditions of the present journey were sufficient to oblige anyone to come
down to earth. The carriage was running with water which was dripping freely
through the roof. Although the station master had tried to settle them in as
well as possible, it was impossible after they had left Andujar not to find
themselves surrounded by undesirable company. The fourteen young women
could see not only mockery in their eyes, but scorn and even hatred. One of the
travellers recounted details of that journey later on. They were certainly
picturesque, but at the time they were terrifying for those who had to live
C. 1. Madrid, cradle of the Institute 81
through thenr. «As the carriage had a good appearance from outside, and
besides there were three empty compartments, they soon had company before
they had passed through many stations. At one station four or five men got in,
obviously of low class and very rough, too free in their ways, who cheered
themselves up with a great bottle of wine which they passed round now and
again ...» It seems the novices had reason for alarm. The author of those lines
added that their travelling companions not only laughed at them, they
threatened them as well. And as they became completely drunk their threats
might have become a reality. As wc see it now, described by the writer, the
scene has its comic side. «When our Superior saw how things were going she
spoke quietly to the plainest and most serious ones of the group and told them
to go to the front, because somebody had to be tliere». This was an elementary
measure of prudcnce considering that in the community there were some young
ones of seventeen or eighteen years of age. The Superior had to make a great
effort to show a calm front. No doubt that interiorly she was praying to God
for a speedy end to that journey during which they were being caJlcd all kinds
of names from «goody-goodies» to «donkeys». The account continued: «Whcn
they entered one of the many tunnels which link up the lines through the
mountains in the area of Despenapcrros their coach seemed transported to
hell. One of the men carried a huge knife in his hand, and was ready to use it
at the least opportunity. Another one, realising that it was directed at him, said:
«No, it is easier for me to cut out their brains with that». Finally God heard
them and allowed the noisiest of them to fall asleep. Shortly after this some
huntsmen joined them, and they calmed down more. Then a good woman with
two small children got into the coach with our Sisters, and two men with a
good appearance, and our Superior made room for them all in order to have
their company*2. Having got over that nightmare, they readily ate some of the
boiled potatoes they had brought as their food for the whole day.
They stopped at the station of Atocha well on into the night. Maria de
San Ignacio was waiting for them; it was she who had accompanied Maria del
Pilar, and they set out to walk to the Princess Hospital, It was a good long
walk. They arrived exhausted and soaked to the skin, for it was still raining, and
weak with hunger, A beautiful fire awaited them, and Sr. Francisca, the good
Daughter of Charity, with open arms, who welcomed them on this occasion,
and did honour to her name.
The Handmaids still remember her generosity with gratitude. The
same chronicler of that time wrote: «Thosc who were later to form the humble
Congregation which they were trying to begin then, must never forget that
when all doors were closcd to their foundresses the Daughters of Charity
2
M. PRBCIOSA SANGRE, Chronicles I p. 256-60.
89 Part two: 1877-1887
received them, and were very kind to them, in spite of the world which was
opposing them®3.
On 6th at night they moved to the flat rented in Bola Street No. 12.
There they began to live quite normally a religious life they had not abandoned
in the most abnormal circumstances. «Including adorations by day and at night
... and the recitation of the Office, even while we were living like pilgrims in the
hospitals, with no house, no home, and no ecclesiastical approval to oblige us.
But it seems that God Our Lord obliged us in our conscience" 4 .
The following day the two foundresses went to introduce themselves
to the Bishop and to invite him to the house; although that house was not fit
to receive visitors, still less if they were of some importance. «The Bishop
welcomed them kindly, and encouraged them with true fatherly affection to
carry on the work. He told them that from that day they could wear the habit
in the house, and secular dress outside. He said they should ask permission to
have Mass in the private oratory, and to petition the Cardinal to sanction their
establishment. Then after inspiring them with great confidence, he blessed them
and said good-bye, promising to go to visit them» 5 .
Fr. Cotanilla took the direction of the community very seriously, and
thanks to him the negotiations still needed to legalise the situation were soon
completed. One day when speaking to the Mother Superior he asked her:
«— What name are the Sisters going to take for their Congregation?»
The Superior had not thought at all about the name. She had struggled
so much to keep their vocation intact that she had had no time for anything
else. She said to Fr. Cotanilla, quite simply, the name they had had in Cordova
after the departure of the Reparatrices.
«Well - answered the Father - 1 have thought that you could be

called Reparatrices (Reparation Sisters) of the Sacred Heart of Jesus.
Do you like that?
— Yes, Father, I like it».
Everybody liked it; «they never tired of thanking God for that happy
inspiration®6.
Consequently the new name appeared in the petition sent to the
J
Ibid. p. 230 ...
4
M. MARIA DE LOS SANTOS MARTI RES, Notes on the foundation of the house in Madrid.
5
PRECIOSA SANGRE, Ibid. I p. 275.
6
Ibid. p. 278.
Cardinal of Toledo, Juan de la Cruz Ignacio Moreno, asking permission to be

established in Madrid. That petition was drawn up by Fr. Cotanilla; when it was
ready he called the whole community together and read it to them «so that they
would know the plan and say if they were happy with it»:
«The undersigned, in her own name and in that of her Sisters,

foundress of the house which until recently they had in the city of
Cordova, with the name of the religious called "Reparatrices", and
following their Rule approved by the Holy See, have recourse to Your
Eminence to ask for the grace of establishing themselves in Madrid ...
Besides this, as our Congregation has for good reasons, been
separated from the Association of Marie Reparatrice which originated
in France, and as it is not advisable to bear the same name, I humbly
beg Your Eminence to grant permission and approval for our
Congregation to be called in future the "Institute of Reparatrices of
the Heart of Jesus"...»
The petition was dated 13th April. It was signed by the Superior with
the name by which she was then known; and which so well expressed her
deepest desires: Mary of the Sacred Heart of Jesus.
The following day the Cardinal returned the document with a note in
the margin:
«Madrid, 14th April 1877

Granted as asked.
The Cardinal-Archbishop of Toledo* 7 .
At last! A great feast-day in the flat in Bola Street on 14th April. From
then onwards these young women breathed freely with a double joy: that they
had responded faithfully to God's voice, and that for the first time they had
received from the Church a word of encouragement, a kind of promise of the
approval which later on the Holy See would give solemnly.
There were still years of work ahead, and the fulfilment of one demand
made by Providence which had become the rule in the history of this
foundation: that not one of those who had a part in it would see his plans
entirely conformed. Fr. Cotanilla did not escape from this sort of historic law.
His name - that is, the name he proposed for the Institute - did not prosper.
The «Reparatrices of the Sacred Heart* had to change that name to
«Handmaids of the Sacred Heart* before they were approved by the Holy See.
7
Ibid. p. 279-81.
84 Part two: 1877-1887
M. Pilar said very truly: «from being nothing, that is, through our own plans
coming to nothing, the plans of the Heart of Jesus were accomplished, for we
were approved under that title».
1877: in the Spain of the Restoration
They arrived in Madrid on 3rd April 1877, and in the evening of 6th
they went into their new house. How few people then knew the humble group
of young women newly arrived from Andalusia! Some curious folk must have
seen them with their possessions before the front door of No. 12 Bola Street;
and if there were some wag among them - quite likely in Madrid - he would
not have missed the opportunity of a joke at the sight of the poor Novices'
attire. Very few people were aware that a new convent, or rather a new
community had arrived in the capital.
Some days later Fr. Cotanilla celebrated the Eucharist in the chapcl,
improvised in in the best room of the flat. It was 20th April. Several Sisters of
Charity were present and a few ladies known to the celebrant. No one else.
Nevertheless the little history of the Institute of Handmaids of the Sacrcd
Heart was being written within the wider story, and so it was not alien to the
events of its time. It would be influenced by all the circumstances which form
the background for the life of all persons on this earth. The Handmaids began
their existence in the capital of Spain in 1877. The Institute was born in a
certain point in space and at a determined moment in time.
We have to imagine the two foundresses and their companions
immersed in the atmosphere and surroundings of their time. A thousand
sounds from outside would penetrate the windows of the flat in Bola Street;
carriages passing by, the cries of street vendors - «Fragrant roses, beautiful
roses!» - children's games and the latest songs, romances of King Alfonso who
wants to «marry for love, like the poor»; footsteps of the people, men, women
and children living in or passing through Madrid. The world in which Raphaela
Mary is living is not apart from her world, or from that of the politicians, the
philosophers, the artists or the poets. Her mind is influenced by the life'and
varied interests of the epoch in which she is living. Within her and her
companions he a complex of latent realities - memories, images, desires,
inclinations - emanating from her world. This beautiful world of the end of the
century in which so many contradictory ideals are struggling; this poor world,
a battle-field of so much trivial realism. This world which is seeking the good
and which frequently Uvcs in the evil.
Their foundation is to take placc in this Spain, in this world of
contrasts. The world of the carefrcc bourgeois egoists, and that of the rich
philanthropists. The world of the poor in spirit, and that of resentful needy
C.1.Madrid, cradle of the Institute 85
ones; of those hungering for true justice and that of the righteous who are
simply cruel. The world of sinners and that of saints.
Throughout those days M. Sacred Heart and her sister were walking
the streets of Madrid - Atocha, Ant6n Martin, St. Bernard, Cuchilleros, Nuncio
... - its calm squares and the central points of the capital, which were beginning
to be lit up with great globes of electric light8. And for years they will be
traveUing b all directions throughout the Spab of their time, through that part
of this world b which it is theirs to live.
As they walked across the Square of the Incarnation to go into the
church, or as they walked along the street of the Nuncio, takbg an official
document to the palace of the Nunciature, they could see the people around
them. By their leisurely or rapid steps, by their way of dressing, speakbg or
s b g b g they would have been able to gather something of their cares and their
optimism. Many of them gave themselves up to the joy of livbg at this time,
which was truly a time of pause before the catastrophe of the end of the
century. But all was not gold that glittered b that seemingly golden decade.
The Restoration had imposed order and peace upon Spab, but it had not
eradicated the serious, age-old problems with which the Spanish people were
faced. Religion was protected officially, but a surprising number of anti-clerical
signs could be seen everywhere.
The chronicler of the Institute of Handmaids records some very tellbg
anecdotes b this respect. Sometimes M. Sacred Heart and her companions
went to the Salesian Church b St. Bernard Street, and they had to pass by the
doors of the university and of a barracks: «It is easy to understand that there
were always some students or soldiers at those doors, good humoured people,
and our Sisters had to go that way b order to go to confession to Fr. Cotanilla
m that church. Four or six of them used to go each time so as not to attract
attention; but those onlookers did not allow them to pass unseen; every day
they found something to speak about... and they pobted to them as they came
into sight: "Three there, and three here". At other times, surprised and
wondering they said: "It's early for the masks..." Others said, as if they were
angry: "Well, you can't say those goody-goodies don't get up early!"»9.
The truth is that although the Constitution of 1876 had strongly
affirmed the Catholic religion as the religion of the State, the people, the
Spanish middle-class still remembered fifty years of abuse of convents' and
g
The first electric lights were installed in Madrid in 1878 for the wedding of Alphonsus XII
to Maria de las Mercedes.
9
M. PRECIOSA SANG RE, Ibid. p. 282-83.
86 Part two: 1877-1887
friars . The Constitution wanted to guarantee religious liberty, and those

people who showed their scorn for the poor nuns walking along the road must
have thought they were within their rights to say what they thought about
religion ... In fact for the adult Spaniard, in spite of the «official protection*,
the choice of the religious state did not seem very profitable, still less for young
persons.
All that we have seen so far about the foundation of the Handmaids
illustrates this point clearly enough. We have only to recall the opposition of
the foundresses' family, the epic journeys, etc. But one event which took place
in Madrid in the spring of 1877 is especially telling. Although it is rather long
we are going to quote it in full.
One day when she was looking for a house M. Maria del Pilar went
b t o the office of the administrator of a certain lady of the aristocracy. Hardly
looking at her, the administrator made her a sign to wait.
«After a long wait he came to her and in a rather unfriendly tone

asked what she wanted. Maria del Pilar began to explain that they
wanted to speak about purchasing a certain building. The
administrator, who did not think much of their appearance, believed
they were going to beg for an alms. So, in order to get rid of them,
and without letting her continue, he answered still more abruptly that
what they wanted was impossible, adding words which showed what he
was thinking.
As they were standing at some distance they had to raise their
voices, and Maria del Pilar stood up to draw a chair nearer, so that
people in the waiting room might not think they were quarrelling. But
then, in a still more hurtful tone, he said:
— Madam, are you deaf?
— No, - she answered - but as we are so far away I don't understand
you, and I want to get nearer.
— Well, madam, - added the administrator - 1 have said all there is to
say, and so anything else we say about this is a waste of time. So the
matter is closed.
M. del Pilar who had realised what he was thinking, said to him:
— Sir, I have not come here to ask you for anything. You arc not the
owner of the house, you are only the administrator, and I know that
you cannot dispose of anything. If I wanted to ask for anything 1 would
go to your employer.
10
According to the Constitution the country undertook to «maintain the worship and its
ministers** ....
She said this very emphatically. Then she noticed that her
companion had left the room when she heard the administrator's
words of dismissal, and she called her back, saying:
— Dolores, why are you going? Come here, and don't go out until I
do. This is a public office, and anyone can comc here to settle his
business.
The administrator saw that she was determined, and he climbed
down a little, saying:
— Madam, I have told you that this is impossible, because it is covcred
by a will; a law-suit would be needed, and that would take a long time.
Besides the price is very high.
— Well, sir, leave all this, and don't worry.
The administrator, somewhat calmer, continued to speak, trying to
diseourage her, asking why she wanted to be a religious. He said he
had seen thirty-three convcnts or houses destroyed within a very short
time, and it was likely that the same would happen to them very soon.
He said many more things, all against religious. Our Sister asked him
if he knew them, and he said he did not. Then she added:
— Well, sir, it is very wrong of you to speak like that about something
you don't know.
Then he said - O, if only they were all like you. ...
They were speaking for a long time until he becamc quite friendly
in the end, and went out to say good-bye to them, making many
suggestions and saying:
— You have defended all the nuns* 11 .
The revolutionary years had left their mark on Spanish socicty. There
had been attempts to attack the clergy, and there had been no protests; people
had become used to doing it quite openly. By this time it was not comfortable
to choose the path of religious life.
Besides, the revolution had left a legacy of controversy - a logical
consequence of the circumstances. All groups felt the need to defend their
ldeas, their personal way of thinking, with words and deeds. And the Church
too was influenced by this. At a time when they were suffering the scorn, and
even the hatred of a liberal soeicty which extolled human rights, members of
the Church used these same rights to defend with great liberty of spirit their
religious state. The behaviour of the foundresses of the Institute of Handmaids
is an example of what we have just said. In fact the conversation just quoted
between M. Pilar and the un-namcd administrator is a significant example.
11
PRECIOSA SANG RE. Chronicles II p. 312.315.
95 Part two: 1877-1887
Besides, it is not the only one. In 1875 when he was negotiating the
establishment of a community of Reparatrices in Cordova, Fr. Jos6 Antonio
Ortiz Urruela wrote an application using for his own benefit the fundamental
ideas of the Constitution of 1869 which, ôverturning and ignoring all the
earlier legislation contained in the Novisima Recopilacidn, which restricted the
formation of associations in Spain, and subjected them to conditions and
formalities, allows freedom and a clear way for Spaniards to form associations
freely and legally, without hindrance or need for previous permission, with the
aim of fulfilling all the ends of human life®12. Fr. Ortiz Urruela ended by
saying: «As this Constitution is in force, for it has not been derogated, it would
be absurd to demand from Catholics what is not asked of Protestants. This
becomes even more obvious if we remember the all-embracing freedom of
conscience proclaimed in this Constitution. Hence it must be concluded that
today the establishment of a community of religious women is a matter which
depends solely on ecclesiastical authority®13.
History means change. This is obvious when we think 0 f it as the
evolution of humanity in time. But it is also true when we speak of history as
science. The so-called «m aster of life® still offers valid teaching insofar as he
accepts the rhythm of his dynamic disciple, life itself. And one of his most
certain lessons is this: no one, no human being escapes the influence of the
conditions of each age. That is, everyone carries within him a seed of
development which makes him change when in contact with life. Sometimes this
happens without the person being aware of change, even in the case of some
people who believe themselves to be immovable rocks facing up to the passing
waves of time.
It is permissible to apply these considerations to those who had part
in the establishment of the Institute of Handmaids of the Sacred Heart. When
that group made a decision to embark on a journey by night; when they firmly
questioned the reason for the interference of the authority in their affairs -
think of the question of Dolores Porras to the civil governor: Ârrested? by
what right?*, or when with simple dignity in other circumstances she holds on
to her point of view, she was showing that she possessed all the positive
elements which the period of liberalism had stressed in the conscience of the
people. In fact the Old Regime had given way to a new society distinguished
by its respect for liberty.
«You are a Catholic® wrote Emilia Pardo Bazdn to Men6ndez Pelayo
m 1880 «and a Catholic today has to swim strongly to keep afloat in this gulf
12
Report attached to a petition addressed to the Bishop of Cordova by Maria Dolores and
Raphaela Porras, 5th January 187S.
13
Ibid.
of anti-catholic spirit which prevails in magazines, newspapers and other critical

publications* 14 . In 1880, and in 1877 too, as at any other time, it was difficult
to be a thorough Christian; but it was much easier to profess, as some
Spaniards did, a kind of official Catholicism. There was a vast field for action
before the leaders of the opposing groups, before the highest defenders of the
Church and before her enemies: the "Catholic masses" of the country, Catholic
by tradition, and also by tradition very ignorant even with regard to religious
questions. The Restoration aimed at guiding the country through ways of
political peace and religious tolerance. But its ill-founded optimism, resting on
peace and a rising economy, would soon degenerate into disappointment.
The religious superficiality of many became the background for the
outstanding heroic sanctity of others. And all that is said about the Catholics
of Spain in general, may also be said about religious of the 19th century, and
still more concretely about the religious sisters. The limited formation given to
the women of this century was worsened in the case of religious women by
their separation from the world, and by their lack of any healthy contact with
the renewing wind of culture. We have only to refer to some episodes already
mentioned. With the best will in the world, the Bishop of Cordova considered
it right that the new Institute should be completely enclosed. And many people
of Cordova thought in the same way as the Bishop. With all this conditioning,
public opinion did not have a very attractive image of religious women. For
people who knew them only superficially nuns were thought of as devout
persons, but also simple and demanding in some cases, and rather greedy and
arrogant in others.
Nevertheless there were some religious who rose above the mediocrity
of a considerable number of friars and nuns. Even more, religious life as a
whole experienced a true renewal in the 19th century, and the persecution it
suffered during those years served to prove the authenticity of the vocations.
In the second half of the century it could not be said that the convents were full
of men and women forced there by family or social circumstances. The Institute
of Handmaids of the Sacred Heart, with all the ups and downs of its early
history, is an outstanding example of this. It would be difficult to find a group
of women who had taken personal decisions more conscientiously than the first
Handmaids. Their decisions were corroborated by their lives and solemnly
reaffirmed verbally at every step.
Other factors had a part in the up-dating of religious life. The
upheavals of every kind caused by the transformation of society brought about
disruption and distress in many lives. The strength of the Spirit then became
present in the Church encouraging religious foundations dedicated to the
14
Letter of 3rd August.
90 Part two: 1877-1887
alleviation of material and spiritual misery. Many Institutes which appeared in

19th century cooperated in the general endeavour to rebuild the world. And the
members of these Institutes felt the benefit of that because the demands of the
apostolate brought them into contact with their contemporaries. Their apostolic
works allowed the fresh air of renewal to flow through their convents.
The foundresses of the Institute of Handmaids of the Sacred Heart
experienced the strength of this historic change in their own lives. They were
most likely living through it almost unknowingly. In their writing there are very
few allusions to the politics of their time. The six years of the revolution (1868-
1874) went by without causing them much trouble, coinciding as they did with
a decisive stage of their youth. They began their religious life at the dawn of
the Restoration, yet there is no sign in their writings of any interest in the
politics of the moment. No mention of that fervour for the monarchy so
common in certain religious or conservative areas. As women of that age - an
age which spanned two worlds - they always acted with a certain sense of
dignity, filled with simplicity and with great liberty in their actions. They always
lived up to their vocation which raised them above the details of politics or of
passing fashion. But they lived it in a personal manner which clearly reflects the
mood of the most outstanding people of their time.
The un-named administrator who was speaking to M. Pilar that day,
ended his conversation by saying these words of praise: «If everyone was like
you ...» A much used phrase of the times, but one which contains a certain
truth. And although in this case it may have been ill-founded, it cannot be
denied that in 1877 there were some nuns who justified the general opinion that
they were persons who could easily be disregarded and ignored.
The foundation of a religious house would have seemed useless to
many people, as it did to that administrator. But there were others for whom
the ideas of Raphaela Mary Porras and her companions were not only holy and
praiseworthy, but useful for society. Hence the work of the ecclesiastics of
Cordova who wanted to encourage education, could bring about some right
thinking which would be of benefit to the foundresses in the first place. The
Archdeacon and the Precentor of the Cathedral of Cordova wrote to the bishop
asking permission for the novices of San Roque Street to follow their religious
life and to dedicate themselves to the much needed work of education in that
town in Andalusia. They said that it was necessary in that society of conflicting
interests and with frequently confused ideas «for the minds, hearts and wills of
its members to be formed by the Gospel®15.
M. Sacred Heart was at silent prayer on what could be any day during
the month of April 1877 in the little chapel in Bola Street. The usual sounds
15
Report 15th December 1876, fol. 4v.
from outside were entering the half-opened window - clop, clop, clop, the
passing footsteps of the people; the cry: «Roses, sweet roses, pretty roses!», the
whizz of the knife-grinder ... Very meaningful sounds for anyone with a deep
love of the world. Did M. Sacred Heart have any idea of the persons entering
the house? It is quite likely that that she was completely unaware of the
important people living in Madrid, and who might at that moment be walking
along the street. Did she know then that in this world of hers which was rapidly
becoming secularised there were some intellectual Catholics who were trying
to re-unite reason and faith. It is not likely. For the saints the task is always
much simpler and yet more difficult: to make everyone - the learned and the
ignorant - see that there are reasons for believing and reasons for hoping; and
in fact, reasons for living. She, Raphaela Mary of the Sacred Heart, had opted
for holiness, although she never supposed that she would reach the altars.
Hence she wanted to dedicate herself to that marvellous mission.
Trot, trot, trot, the footsteps fade away, and so do the street calls,
leaving only an echo ... «How pretty» - Moments of silence. Raphaela Mary
was submerged in that silence, living her response to God's infinite love. «If He
has loved us so much, so we too should give our lives for each other* (1 Jn.
4,11). With both words and actions she would like to explain that life can be
as beautiful as friendship, like the deep relationship between two persons in
love. Life is a gift to be grateful for; a response to be given; and above all, an
opportunity to trust, to believe. Raphaela Mary wanted to live in a continual act
of faith and of trust. «We ourselves have known and we believe in God's love
for us» (1 Jn. 4,16). This love is concrete, excitingly human. It is Christ's self-
giving unto death and beyond death; it is the constant presence of that love
without limits. She, Raphaela Mary of the Sacred Heart, was going to seek and
and live intensely that presence in the Eucharist, in the mystery of Christ in his
death, his resurrection and his invisible glory among us - that is why she is
there in silent adoration with «her heart burning with humble love* - those
much loved words of hers 16 as well as with love for her brethren; burning
with boundless love for all people; this world, Lord, redeemed by your cross
and resurrection, which is so forgetful of your suffering and of your victory; this
world, which without knowing it needs you so much!
A time of prayer in the chapel in Bola Street. The room is surrounded
too much by sounds from the house and from the street. But that does not
matter. Perhaps thus they will be more aware that the voices and the noises are
but a small concrete echo of the clamour of all the people who in this
nineteenth century, as in every age, are asking for help in their efforts to build
a new world. They are asking without realising it, perhaps without even
16
Letter to M. Purisima 7th January 1894.
92 Part two: 1877-1887
consciously wanting it. Those people must know that their efforts, then-
struggles and their sorrows have some meaning because Someone has
struggled, suffered and triumphed before them.
Once again the simple melody of the street-crier resounds: «Roses,
sweet roses, pretty roses®.
Heroic times of the Institute
The first Handmaids of the Sacred Heart would remember those days
spent in Bola Street for the rest of their lives, and for many reasons, some of
them joyful, some of them less pleasant. They did not live there even two
months, yet anecdotes from this time would fill a whole book. Seen from a
distance, the happenings in that dwelling have a special touch, at the time they
must have seemed like chapters in an epic story.
One of the Novices became unbalanced. Even in Andujar it was seen
that she was not well; but the illness showed itself violently in Bola Street. And
just when they were most worried by this, which was their first such experience
in their religious life, the Superior herself became seriously ill. Perhaps she
caught a cold, or perhaps simply «her nature gave way beneath the difficulties
they had gone through® as the chronicler of that time says17. One morning
M, Sacred Heart awoke feeling ill, and although she wanted to get up she had
to return to bed with a high temperature. In the next room the poor Novice
was suffering from a real attack of madness, and the bravest of them tried to
calm her, or at least hold her down.
There was general consternation. Those young Religious went through
agonies. They could bear anything except the loss of M. Sacred Heart. Her
serene fortitude had always been for them a very expressive sign of their
stability. Now, deprived of this human support, the Novices were about to show
how well they had assimilated the trust and balance of the Superior.
Some days went by. «Mother did not feel any better; in fact she was
worse. She had a high temperature every day, and the doctors held out no
hopes for her health. Fr. Cotanilla went nearly every day to encourage her, and
he heard our Superior's confession when she asked him®18. She was so bad
on 3rd May that M. Pilar asked the doctor whether she should inform her
brother Ramon. The doctor did not reassure her. He said, she should let him
know as soon as possible.
The kind of consolation which Fr. Cotanilla gave to the Novices is
17
PRECIOSA SANGRE, Chronicles I p. 288.
18
Ibid. p. 288-9.
rather amusing. One of them recounts: «We were very worried about our M.
Superior's illness, and when Father came he said: "Sisters, don't worry, when
the Pope dies, someone is named in bis place at once"*19. It was not the
happiest kind of comparison, neither could it give much relief. M. Pilar also
tried to cheer them up: «She encouraged her Sisters, but she was so sad that
her tears accompanied her words* 20 .
They were all praying. God heard their prayers, and by the middle of
May there was a change, and their hopes were renewed. Their conversations
returned to normal. At recreation times their laughter filled the house. They
were so happy that everything made them laugh; and the Superior, still in bed,
but improving day by day, had a bell beside her to make herself heard in case
she needed anything.
Their neighbours were so close by that many comical incidents
occurred, which the Novices enjoyed with their delightful good humour. They
recount that an actor and a sacristan were living in the upper flat, and they
each practised their parts near the open windows - one going through his plays,
the other Masses for the dead; and the whole house shared in the practices.
One day the Sisters overheard this curious conversation from the patio: «Who
is living in this flat?», meaning the Sisters' flat. «I don't know», answered the
other, «it is always closed*. A third voice explained: «There are sixteen nuns
living here, just like sixteen canaries* 21 . Their happiness was so great that it
gave that impression outside.
The people who knew them better had still greater reason to admire
them. One evening, rather late, Cardinal Moreno's secretary went to see them.
The Superior, still convalescent, was in bed, and M. Pilar with another Sister
greeted him. But he wanted to speak to them all. «Our Sisters, in their natural
simplicity, did not hide their inner feelings during the visit, so they were all very
smiling and joyful. The Secretary marvelled at this, because he knew of the sad
circumstances they had been through, and were still experiencing. He prolonged
his visit until quite late at night, most likely to see if they kept it up». From her
room the Superior could follow what was going on; she was rather surprised
at the length of the visit and the laughter she could hear; but she could not
catch the conversation. She even began to think that their visitor might
«consider them frivolous and silly; but as God was moving them it turned out
quite the opposite. The Secretary was much edified by the visit; he admired
their good spirit and praised them to the Cardinal* 22 .
19
M. MA. DEL AMPARO, Account (Relaci6ti) p. 49.
20
Chronicles I p. 301.
21
Ibid. p. 303.
22
Ibid. p. 303-4.
94 Part two: 1877-1887
T h e t h r e e p o s t u l a n t s w h o h a d s h a r e d in all t h e difficulties of t h e
f o u n d a t i o n t o o k t h e h a b i t o n 20th M a y . « T h e p l e a s u r e of all o u r S i s t e r s o n t h i s
d a y c a n well b e i m a g i n e d , c r o w n e d a s it w a s b y t h e i r M o t h e r ' s g o o d h e a l t h -
s h e w a s n o w r e c o v e r i n g well. O b s e r v a n c e w a s c o m p l e t e ; t h e i r s a t i s f a c t i o n
complete because the work for which they had suffered was n o w protected, and
t h e r e w a s g o o d h o p e t h a t it w o u l d b e c o m p l e t e l y c o n s o l i d a t e d * * 3 .
O b s e r v a n c e was complete*. T h e community's d e e p joy was shown not
o n l y m t h e i r l a u g h t e r o r in t h e i r c o n v e r s a t i o n s in r e c r e a t i o n . I t w a s in t h e p e a c e
of t h e i r c o u n t e n a n c c , in t h e i r d e s i r e t o relieve t h e w o r k of o t h e r s in t h e i r
« s m c e r e love* (cf. 2 C o r . 6,6), in t h e i r a c t i n g « w i t h o u t g r u m b l i n g o r
q u e s t i o n i n g * (cf. Phil. 2,14) In f a c t , j u s t like t h e b r o t h e r h o o d w e r e a d of
a m o n g t h e first C h r i s t i a n s * 2 4 .
T h e y all k n e w that G o d h a d c h o s e n « t h e w e a k e s t i n s t r u m e n t s o n
earth* t o f o u n d t h e I n s t i t u t e . B u t a n y o n e of t h e m w o u l d h a v e a s s e r t e d t h a t
a l t h o u g h M . S a c r e d H e a r t w a s t h e o n e m o s t c o n v i n c e d of h e r inability, s h e w a s
t h e m o s t solid f o u n d a t i o n of t h e building.
T h a t c o m m u n i t y w a s n o w e s t a b l i s h e d in a s i m p l e flat, in s u r r o u n d i n g s
s i m i l a r t o t h o s e of a n y h o u s e in t h e n e i g h b o u r h o o d . T h e y w e r e f o l l o w i n g t h e
f u n d a m e n t a l s of t h e i r v o c a t i o n j u s t a s if t h e y w e r e living in a l a r g e c o n v e n t
b u i l d i n g . O n e of t h e first H a n d m a i d s w r o t e a f t e r w a r d s t h a t M . S a c r e d H e a r t
h a d s h o w n h e r s p e c i a l c o n c e r n f o r m a i n t a i n i n g E u c h a r i s t i c w o r s h i p , w h i c h is
t h e c h a r a c t e r i s t i c m a r k of e v e r y c o m m u n i t y of t h e I n s t i t u t e :
« O n e of t h e p o i n t s which m o s t s h o w e d h e r z e a l w a s h e r d e s i r e t h a t
a d o r a t i o n s h o u l d c o n t i n u e . W e d i d c a r r y o n a s well a s w e c o u l d
although we w e r e n o t obliged to d o so w h e n we did not have the
Blessed Sacrament. But wc spared n o effort for G o d , because the
i n n e r law of c h a r i t y o b l i g e d u s t o f o l l o w t h e i m p u l s e of o u r v o c a t i o n
w h i c h is b a s e d chiefly o n this, a s i n d e e d is t h e I n s t i t u t e , f o r it is its life,
as t h e r o o t is t h e l i f e of t h e t r e e w h i c h will d i e w i t h o u t it. T h i s , I h o p e
b y G o d ' s m e r c y , will n o t h a p p e n ; r a t h e r m a y H e w h o p l a n t e d it, give
it e v e r m o r e i n c r e a s e , as H e is d o i n g in H i s g o o d n e s s * 2 6 .
T h e o n e w h o w r o t e that p a r a g r a p h w e n t o n t o s a y t h a t t h e y h a d n o t
o m i t t e d n i g h t a d o r a t i o n e v e n w h e n t h e y w e r e living in t h e hospitals. B u t t h a t
is n o t t h e b e s t of it, b u t w h a t s h e s t a t e s a f t e r w a r d s : t h e y all felt a lively i m p u l s e
23
Ibid. p. 306.
24
Cf. MA. DOLORE RODRIGUEZ CARRI 'rERO, Relacidn p. 20.
M. MARTI RES, Notes on the foundation of the house in Madrid fol.2.
Ibid. Biographical notes on MM. del Sagrado Corazdn (Raphaela Porras y AylUn) p.41.
which m a d e t h e m live e v e r closer t o t h e « r o o t a n d c e n t r e * of every C h r i s t i a n

c o m m u n i t y - t h e E u c h a r i s t (cf. P O 6).
N e a r l y e v e r y o n e in t h e h o u s e w a s a f f l i c t e d in s o m e w a y o r a n o t h e r w i t h
t h e illness w h i c h h a d a t t a c k e d M . S a c r e d H e a r t . F r . C o t a n i l l a a n d t h e B i s h o p
w h o visited t h e m n o w a n d a g a i n s a w t h a t o n e of t h e c a u s e s of t h a t e p i d e m i c
w a s t h e t e r r i b l e c o n d i t i o n of t h e h o u s e in w h i c h t h e y lived a s well as t h e i r very
p o o r lifestyle.
T h e y n e e d e d to find a house; but the Superior was t o o w e a k to
u n d e r t a k e s u c h a task. E v e n o n 21st M a y s h e n e e d e d t o g a t h e r all h e r s t r e n g t h
in o r d e r t o w r i t e : « E v e n t h o u g h I a m b e t t e r , I a m still r a t h e r w e a k , a n d t h e p e n
f e e l s like l e a d » . T h i s w a s h o w s h e w r o t e , a l t h o u g h s h e did s u c c e e d in
r e c o u n t i n g t h e details of t h e c e r e m o n y of t a k i n g t h e h a b i t o n t h e p r e v i o u s day.
« T h e y - t h e n e w N o v i c e s - w e r e o v e r t h e m o o n w i t h joy, a n d o u r s w a s very
great too»27.
F o r t u n a t e l y M , Pilar e s c a p e d t h e e p i d e m i c t h a t t i m e , a n d w a s r e a d y f o r
a n y b u s i n e s s . S h e w e n t all o v e r t h e t o w n w i t h a n o t h e r S i s t e r until s h e f o u n d a
s u i t a b l e h o u s e f o r sale. A n d « a f t e r a g r e a t d e a l of w a l k i n g t h r o u g h u n k n o w n
s t r e e t s in M a d r i d , a n d u n p l e a s a n t r e c e p t i o n s * s h e finally f o u n d a h o u s e in t h e
C h a m b e r f district 2 8 , « f a r f r o m t h e p o p u l a t e d a r e a , a n d p e r h a p s a q u a r t e r of
a l e a g u e * f r o m t h a t s m a l l e r n i n e t e e n t h c e n t u r y M a d r i d . It is a m u s i n g t o t h i n k
t h a t « a q u a r t e r of a l e a g u e * s e e m e d a n e x t r a o r d i n a r y d i s t a n c e t o t h e w r i t e r ; b u t
w e m u s t r e m e m b e r t h a t m o s t of t h e m w e r e u s e d t o d i s t a n c e s in C o r d o v a . W i t h
o b v i o u s e x a g g e r a t i o n t h e y said that f r o m « w h e r e t h e h o u s e w a s s i t u a t e d it w a s
n e c e s s a r y t o p r o v i d e a railway-line s o a s t o g e t all t h a t t h e c o m m u n i t y n e e d e d
in t i m e * 9 . T h e y s u r e l y n e v e r i m a g i n e d t h a t b e f o r e l o n g t h e r e w o u l d b e , n o t
a railway, b u t e l e c t r i c t r a m s 3 0 .
E v e n f o r t h e p e o p l e of M a d r i d w h o w e r e u s e d t o long d i s t a n c e s , t h e
house was o n t h e outskirts; t h e surroundings w e r e almost o p e n country. A d d e d
t o this w a s t h e p o o r s t r e e t - l i g h t i n g a t night - j u s t a f e w g a s l a m p s , s u b j e c t t o
f r e q u e n t b l a c k o u t s . H e n c e it is u n d e r s t a n d a b l e t h a t t h e m o v e s e e m e d s o m e
k i n d of a d v e n t u r e to t h e c o m m u n i t y . In s p i t e of e v e r y t h i n g t h e h o u s e w a s l a r g e
w i t h a b e a u t i f u l g a r d e n , a n d M . P i l a r d e c i d e d t o r e n t it until t h e e n d of
S e p t e m b e r . W h e n M . S a c r e d H e a r t w a s a little b e t t e r s h e w e n t b y c o a c h t o s e e
it. «If M . P i l a r h a d b e e n d i s c o u r a g e d , s o w a s o u r S u p e r i o r . B u t o b l i g e d by
necessity, s h e h a d to a c c e p t * 3 1 .
27 Letter to Ana Ma. de Baeza, aspirant, 21st May 1877.

2ft
The house was situated in the district then called Cuatro Caminos.
29
PRECIOSA SANGRE, Chronicles II p. 316.
30
There were then only mule-drawn trams in Madrid from 1871.
31
Chronicles II p. 316.
103 Part two: 1877-1887
T h e m o v e w a s a r r a n g e d f o r 2 6 t h May, a n d it t u r n e d o u t like a n e p i c
story. T h e w r i t e r tells t h e t a l e w i t h all t h e rich d e t a i l s t h a t h e r s e n s e of h u m o u r
w a s a b l e t o f i n d in a n y e p i s o d e , a n d w h i c h t h o s e w h o t o o k p a r t c o u l d recall
exactly y e a r s l a t e r . A r g u m e n t s w i t h t h e c a r t e r s w h o w e r e « s o u n o b l i g i n g t h a t
they gave us m o r e t o do»; the h a r m o n i u m , carried by four Galicians w h o
« b e g a n t o s h o u t a n d g r u m b l e w h e n t h e y felt its weight*; a n d t h e w a l k of m o s t
of t h e Novices, « l a d e n w i t h v a r i o u s o b j e c t s , t o o h e a v y f o r t h e m , tired o u t as
t h e y w e r e w i t h w o r k i n g t h e w h o l e d a y a n d t h e long d i s t a n c e f r o m t h e h o u s e ,
s o that t h e y h a d t o r e s t t w o or t h r e e t i m e s a l o n g t h e w a y by sitting o n t h e
g r o u n d * . A t last t h e y w e r e all t o g e t h e r , a n d t h e y « w e r e c h e e r e d b y t h e g o o d
h o u s e t h e y h a d f o u n d , a l t h o u g h it w a s s o f a r a w a y * 3 2 . S h o r t l y a f t e r this, w h e n
M a d r i d b e g a n t o feel the heat, they w e r e able to appreciate m o r e the
a d v a n t a g e s of t h e m o v e . In o n e of h e r l e t t e r s of this t i m e t h e M o t h e r S u p e r i o r
said « t h e y h a r d l y n o t i c e d t h e h e a t , b e c a u s e t h e r e is s o m u c h v e n t i l a t i o n
e v e r y w h e r e , yet it is said t h a t in t h e c e n t r e of M a d r i d it is s u f f o c a t i n g * 3 3 .
« l n this h o u s e , o n 8 t h J u n e 1877, f e a s t of t h e S a c r e d H e a r t of J e s u s ,
o u r f o u n d r e s s e s m a d e t h e i r first v o w s i n t o t h e h a n d s of R . F r .
Cotanilla, SJ . following the ceremonies required by the holy C h u r c h ,
t o t h e j o y a n d h a p p i n e s s of t h e i r d a u g h t e r s w h o s e h e a r t s w e r e m e l t i n g
w i t h g r a t i t u d e o n s e e i n g t h e f o u n d a t i o n s laid of t h e w o r k f o r w h i c h
they had suffered so much*34.
T h i s w a s t h e first t i m e t h a t t h e w o r d ^ f o u n d a t i o n s ^ w a s u s e d w h e n
referring to the two sisters w h o were foundresses. Later on M . Sacred H e a r t
w o u l d u s e this w o r d f o r h e r s e l f a n d f o r h e r sister: « f o u n d a t i o n s , b r o k e n s t o n e s ,
t r o d d e n o n a n d n o t s e e n * 3 5 . B u t t h e r e w a s still a l o n g t i m e t o g o f o r that.
W h a t w a s said w a s s u f f i c i e n t : they, t h e f o u n d r e s s e s , w e r e i n s t r u m e n t s in t h e
h a n d s of a w i s e b u i l d e r , a n d t h e e d i f i c e w o u l d r e a c h all t h e h i g h e r t h e d e e p e r
t h e first s t o n e s w e r e laid.
A n o t h e r five N o v i c e s m a d e t h e i r v o w s t h e following m o n t h . W i t h seven
professed Sisters the c o m m u n i t y began to be respectable.
32
Ibid. p. 318-320.
To Ana Maria de Baeza, 7th July 1877.
34
Chronicles II p. 329.
35
Letter to M. Pilar, 5th July 1908.
«Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, the chief object

of our gathering*
O n t h e day a f t e r their arrival in t h e n e w h o u s e t h e y h a d their first

M a s s . B u t s o m e t i m e w a s still to e l a p s e b e f o r e t h e y o b t a i n e d p e r m i s s i o n t o
have the Blessed Sacrament reserved. This was a much-felt absence for them.
T h e y c o u l d n o t conceive of their life w i t h o u t t h e p r e s e n c e of t h e E u c h a r i s t .
« J e s u s in t h e B l e s s e d S a e r a m e n t , t h e p r i n c i p a l o b j e c t of o u r g a t h e r i n g * ; t h e
w h o l e r e a s o n w e eould say, f o r t h e i r c o m m u n i t y life. T h i s is h o w M . S a e r e d
H e a r t s a w it, a n d this is h o w s h e d e s c r i b e s it in a p e t i t i o n to t h e P o p e a s k i n g
p e r m i s s i o n t o h a v e t h e B l e s s e d S a c r a m e n t r e s e r v e d 3 6 . S h e s u m m e d u p in a
f e w w o r d s in t h a t d o c u m e n t t h e w h o l e c o n t e n t of t h e i r v o c a t i o n w h e n s h e said
t h a t t h e H a n d m a i d s - a t that t i m e t h e y w e r e still called R e p a r a t r i c e s of t h e
S a c r e d H e a r t - « w a n t e d n o t h i n g else in t h i s w o r l d b u t t o a d o r e this divine L o r d
in t h e B l e s s e d S a e r a m e n t , to c o n s e c r a t e t h e m s e l v e s t o H i m f o r ever, a n d t o
t e a c h p o o r c h i l d r e n C h r i s t i a n d o c t r i n e , a n d t o o f f e r a p l a c e (...) in t h e i r h o u s e s
for t e n or fifteen days to p e o p l e wishing t o m a k e t h e s p i r i t u a l e x e r c i s e s * 3 7 .
T h e o n e w h o w a s s o full of t h e i d e a t h a t « J e s u s in t h e B l e s s e d
S a c r a m e n t is t h e principal o b j e e t of o u r g a t h e r i n g * f e l t d e e p l y t h a t t h e
E u c h a r i s t i c p r e s e n c e is « t h e living h e a r t of e a c h o n e of o u r c h u r c h e s * 3 8 . T h i s
conviction g a v e h e r a d e e p a t t i t u d e of a d o r a t i o n , a n d t h e d e s i r e to m a n i f e s t it
o u t w a r d l y a n d concretely. «... F o r u s it is a s w e e t d u t y t o h o n o u r a n d a d o r e in
t h e s a c r e d h o s t w h i c h o u r eyes b e h o l d , t h e W o r d i n c a r n a t e , w h i c h o u r e y e s
c a n n o t s e e * 3 9 . « A sweet d u t y * w h i c h w a s at t h e s a m e t i m e f o r t h e m a « h c l p
a n d c o n s o l a t i o n * (cf. P O 5 e ) . T h e y h a d h a d plenty of e x p e r i e n c e of t h e n e e d
f o r this h e l p t h r o u g h o u t all t h e difficulties of t h e f o u n d a t i o n .
L o n g n e g o t i a t i o n s w e r e n e e d e d at t h a t t i m e t o o b t a i n p e r m i s s i o n t o
h a v e t h e E u e h a r i s t r e s e r v e d or e x p o s e d . B u t t h e c h r o n i c l e s of t h e I n s t i t u t e tell
us t h a t C h r i s t , o v e r c o m i n g all official p r o c e d u r e s s t a y e d w i t h t h e m s e v e r a l
t i m e s . T h e y s p e a k of it as a m i r a c l e .
T h e y m o v e d i n t o t h e n e w h o u s e o n 2 6 t h M a y 1877, a n d
«... they h a d only o n e s o r r o w : w h i c h w a s n o t having t h e B l e s s e d

S a c r a m e n t . T h e C a r d i n a l c o u l d n o t give t h e m this p e r m i s s i o n , o r else
t h e y w o u l d h a v e h a d it. B u t it h a d to c o m e f r o m R o m e . T h e y h a d
a s k e d f o r it, b u t e v e r y t h i n g g e n e r a l l y t a k e s a l o n g t i m e f r o m t h e r e .
36
26th September 1877.
"ibid.
38
PAUL VI, Creed of cfie People of God.
105 Part two: 1877-1887
T h e y felt this, a n d O u r L o r d w h o k n e w it, w e n t t o t h e i r aid, in p a r t ,

as will b e s a i d . O n e day t h e s a c r i s t a n w e n t t o p u t away t h e chalice a n d
p a t e n after Mass, a n d she f o u n d two or t h r e e particles. She r a n t o t h e
S u p e r i o r ' s r o o m t o tell h e r . M o t h e r w e n t d o w n a n d s a w t h a t s h e w a s
right. S h e t h e n t o l d t h e m t o l e a v e t h e h o s t s in t h e t a b e r n a c l e until t h e
f o l l o w i n g day. T w o c a n d l e s w e r e lit a n d t h e y h a d a d o r a t i o n s t w o by
t w o t h e w h o l e n i g h t . T h i s h a p p e n e d f o r t h e first t i m e o n t h e d a y t h a t
t h e S u p e r i o r a n d M a r i a del P i l a r m a d e t h e i r vows...
A f t e r t h a t it h a p p e n e d m o r e f r e q u e n t l y , e v e n t h r e e t i m e s o r m o r e
e a c h w e e k , e i t h e r o n t h e p a t e n or in t h e c i b o r i u m (...) W h a t is c e r t a i n
is t h a t O u r L o r d , a l t h o u g h in a p p e a r a n c e s o small, d i d n o t w a n t t o
leave t h e m alone, a n d they stayed with H i m day and night*40.
M . S a c r e d H e a r t w a s d e l i g h t e d , as c a n b e i m a g i n e d , b u t s h e felt
obliged to speak a b o u t what was happening. S h e did so to Fr. Cotanilla w h o
s a i d t h a t if it h a p p e n e d a g a i n s h e s h o u l d tell t h e p a r i s h p r i e s t s o t h a t if p o s s i b l e
h e c o u l d g o a n d t a k e t h e p a r t i c l e s . S h e h a d n o t l o n g t o wait: «... T h e S u p e r i o r
w r o t e t o t h e p r i e s t w h o a l r e a d y k n e w a b o u t t h e events. H i s sister r e c e i v e d t h e
l e t t e r a n d s h e f o r g o t t o give it t o h i m . W h e n h e a r r i v e d at m i d d a y s h e gave it
t o h i m . A s h e r e a d it h e said: "I h a v e j u s t p a s s e d by t h e d o o r as I w e n t t o visit
a sick p e r s o n " . . . * 4 1 .
T h e a c c o u n t given by a n o t h e r o n e w h o w i t n e s s e d t h e s e e v e n t s gives
s o m e lively details. A f t e r i n f o r m i n g t h e p a r i s h p r i e s t s o t h a t h e m i g h t c o m e t o
collect t h e p a r t i c l e s of h o s t s , t h e c o m m u n i t y g a t h e r e d in t h e c h a p e l . T h e y h e a r d
t h e s o u n d of t h e viaticum bell g o i n g a l o n g t h e s t r e e t . S o m e of t h e N o v i c e s
p r a y e d a l o u d : « L o r d , d o n ' t g o away* - a r a t h e r g o o d t r a n s l a t i o n of t h e G o s p e l
w o r d s : «Stay w i t h us* ( L k 24,29). T h e s o u n d of t h e bell a n d t h e f o o t s t e p s in t h e
street gradually diminished...
T h o s e y o u n g w o m e n w e r e u s e d t o t h e e x p e r i e n c e of G o d ' s w o r k w i t h i n
t h e m , of H i s h i d d e n a c t i o n in t h e small a n d g r e a t e v e n t s of life. T h e y w e r e n o t
t h e k i n d of p e o p l e w h o s e e m i r a c l e s e v e r y w h e r e , b e c a u s e they s a w t h e w h o l e
of t h e i r e x i s t e n c e w i t h t h e w o n d e r i n g , s e r e n e g a z e of faith. B u t t h e y w e r e n o t
o v e r - s u r p r i s e d o n this o c c a s i o n , a l t h o u g h t h e y w e r e h e a r t i l y g r a t e f u l t h a t t h e
L o r d willed t o stay w i t h t h e m , a n d t h a t s e e m i n g l y , G o d w a n t e d t o s p e e d u p t h e
slow p r o c e s s of R o m e - « t h i n g s always t a k e a long t i m e t h e r e * - b e f o r e
g r a n t i n g t h e privilege of h a v i n g t h e B l e s s e d S a c r a m e n t r e s e r v e d . T h e w r i t e r
says: « T h i s m a y well b e a t t r i b u t e d t o c h a n c e o r t o t h e c h a p l a i n ' s p o o r eyesight,
a n d i n d e e d h e w a s s h o r t - s i g h t e d ; G o d a l o n e k n o w s t h e r e a s o n * . T h e priest
40
M. PRECIOSA SANGRE, Chronicles II p. 333-334.
41
Ibid. p. 334-335.
himself said t o M a n u e l w h o served his M a s s : «I d o n ' t k n o w h o w this h a p p e n s ,

M a n u e l ; I t a k e care, a n d t h e m o r e c a r e f u l I a m t h e m o r e H e stays® 4 2 .
In t h e d e p t h s of t h e i r soul, M . S a c r e d H e a r t a n d e v e r y o n e in t h e
c o m m u n i t y w e r e s u r e t h a t all t h e c h a p l a i n ' s e f f o r t s w e r e c l a s h i n g w i t h t h e will
of G o d himself w h o w a n t e d t o b e t h e i r « h e l p a n d c o n s o l a t i o n * .
P e r m i s s i o n to h a v e t h e B l e s s e d S a c r a m e n t r e s e r v e d w a s r e c e i v e d in
M a d r i d o n 19th O c t o b e r , b u t it w a s d a t e d 12th. « A s s o o n as t h e S u p e r i o r h a d
r e a d it a n d told o n e o r t w o o t h e r s w h o w e r e w i t h h e r , it s p r e a d t h r o u g h t h e
w h o l e h o u s e , a n d they all g a t h e r e d to give t h a n k s to G o d f o r t h a t g r e a t l o n g e d -
f o r f a v o u r * 4 3 . B u t they still h a d to s e n d it t o b e c o n f i r m e d b y t h e C a r d i n a l ,
« a n d his reply w a s t o say t h a t h e w a n t e d t o c o m e h i m s e l f t h e first t i m e . S o w e
s h o u l d get e v e r y t h i n g r e a d y a n d h e w o u l d let u s k n o w w h e n * . I n t h e e n d h e
d e c i d e d to go o n 24th, t h e f e a s t of St. R a p h a e l . ^ E v e r y t h i n g w a s r e a d y ; t h e
a l t a r f r e s h l y a d o r n e d in g o o d t a s t e with lilies, r o s e s a n d lights, a n d t h e C a r d i n a l
a r r i v e d at 6 a . m . H e c e l e b r a t e d H o l y M a s s , gave C o m m u n i o n t o t h e w h o l e
c o m m u n i t y and left the Blessed S a c r a m e n t exposed and reserved. T h e n he went
t o t h e p a r l o u r , s a w t h e w h o l e h o u s e , h a d b r e a k f a s t , s h o w i n g t h a t h e w a s very
pleased and happy. H e gave permission for exposition on Sundays and T h u r s -
days a n d o n f e a s t days. T h i s d a y c r o w n e d t h e h a p p i n e s s of o u r c o m m u n i t y * 4 4 .
A n o t h e r o n e of t h e first H a n d m a i d s c o m m e n t s o n t h e e v e n t w i t h
heartfelt words:
« W e r e c e i v e d p e r m i s s i o n to h a v e t h e B l e s s e d S a c r a m e n t r e s e r v e d a t
last o n 19th O c t o b e r . T h i s g a v e u s g r e a t j o y b e c a u s e w e h a d b e e n
d e p r i v e d f o r so long of t h e O n e w h o is t h e life a n d j o y of o u r
houses*45.
A l t h o u g h the h o u s e was situated s o m e distance f r o m t h e c e n t r e M .

S a c r e d H e a r t a n d t h e o t h e r s d i d e v e r y t h i n g p o s s i b l e t o m a k e it k n o w n t h a t t h e y
w o u l d a c c e p t p o o r c h i l d r e n a n d t e a c h t h e m t h e c a t e c h i s m . A n d t h e y did b e g i n
t o c o m e , every a f t e r n o o n . T h e r e w e r e also s o m e p e o p l e living n e a r e r to t h e
h o u s e t h a n t o t h e p a r i s h c h u r c h . So t h e S u p e r i o r a s k e d at o n c e t h a t t h e c h a p e l ,
a l t h o u g h it w a s small, m i g h t b e o p e n t o t h e public. « T h e y d e c i d e d to a s k t h e
C a r d i n a l p e r m i s s i o n f o r t h e c h a p e l t o b e public, as well as s o m e o t h e r f a v o u r s ,
w h i c h t h e y t h o u g h t n e c e s s a r y , s u c h as that of b e i n g a b l e t o h a v e m o r e t h a n o n e
Mass, and that the children a n d young people w h o c a m e for catechism might
42
Ibid. p. 335.
43
Ibid. p. 381.
44
Ibid. p. 382.
45
M. MARTI RES, op. tit. fol. 13v.
100 Part two: 1877-1887
r e c e i v e t h e s a c r a m e n t s of p e n a n c e a n d c o m m u n i o n * 4 ^ . M . S a c r e d H e a r t
w r o t e t o a n a s p i r a n t to t h e N o v i t i a t e : « W e h a v e h a d a very b e a u t i f u l M a s s
t o d a y . S e v e r a l y o u n g p e o p l e a n d c h i l d r e n w h o c o m e t o t h e c a t e c h i s m classes
h a v e r e c e i v e d H o l y C o m m u n i o n , a n d m a n y w h o a r e n o t yet a b l e t o r e c e i v e t h e
divine M a j e s t y h a v e b e e n t o c o n f e s s i o n . W e have c o n s e c r a t e d t h e m to O u r
L a d y so t h a t s h e m a y t a k e t h e m u n d e r h e r m o t h e r l y c a r e » 4 7 .
M . S a c r e d H e a r t always w a n t e d t h e c a t e c h e t i c a l a p o s t o l a t e closely
u n i t e d t o t h e E u c h a r i s t i c w o r s h i p in t h e c o m m u n i t y c h a p e l . F r o m t h o s e first
m o m e n t s s h e w a s w a n t i n g w h a t s h e w a s t o e x p r e s s l a t e r o n in m e m o r a b l e
w o r d s : « p l a c e C h r i s t t o b e a d o r e d b y t h e p e o p l e * a n d to d o w h a t e v e r s h e c o u l d
so t h a t all « m i g h t k n o w a n d love H i m * 4 8 . M a n y y e a r s later s h e q u o t e d in
s i m p l e w o r d s a n i d e a of F r . A n t o n i o O r t i z U r r u e l a : « F r . A n t o n i o said very well
that everything c o m e s f r o m the Blessed S a c r a m e n t * 4 9 . She did n o t know that
n e a r l y a c e n t u r y l a t e r V a t i c a n n w o u l d r e p e a t that: f r o m t h e liturgy, of which
t h e E u c h a r i s t is t h e c e n t r e , « f l o w s all t h e s t r e n g t h of t h e C h u r c h * ; e v e n m o r e ,
it is « t h e s u m m i t t o w a r d s w h i c h all t h e activity of t h e C h u r c h is d i r e c t e d * 5 0 . '
T h e h o u s e in C h a m b e r i w a s i n c o n v e n i e n t in o t h e r ways, b u t f o r M
S a c r e d H e a r t n o n e c o u l d b e c o m p a r e d w i t h t h e difficulty of c o n v e r t i n g t h e
c h a p e l i n t o a t r u e f o c u s of E u c h a r i s t i c d e v o t i o n . S h e w h o h a d t h a t i m m e n s e
d e s i r e t o s e e C h r i s t loved a n d a d o r e d by e v e r y o n e , a n d w h o c o n s i d e r e d s h e
c o u l d d o n o g r e a t e r w o r k t h a n to e x p o s e H i m « t o b e a d o r e d b y t h e p e o p l e s * ,
s h e c o u l d n o t b u t l a m e n t t h e isolation of t h e h o u s e which w a s o t h e r w i s e g o o d
a n d spacious.
«It is t r u e t h a t t h e h o u s e w a s r e m o t e , b u t o u r S i s t e r s w e r e s o
h a p p i l y s e t t l e d t h e r e , as t h e y h a d n e v e r b e e n b e f o r e . T h e y s p e n t j o y f u l
r e c r e a t i o n s in t h e g a r d e n , a n d it w a s all s o p l e a s a n t t h a t it b a n i s h e d all
s o r r o w s , if t h e y h a d h a d any. T h i s w a s t r u e of t h e d a u g h t e r s , b u t n o t
of t h e M o t h e r , w h o b e c a m e m o r e a n d m o r e d i s p l e a s e d , b e c a u s e , a s
s h e said to h e r d a u g h t e r M a r i a d e S. I g n a c i o : " W h e n w e b u i l d t h e
c h u r c h t h e r e will n e v e r b e m o r e t h a n t h e t w o Sisters in a d o r a t i o n
t h e r e , a n d t h e flies". T h i s w a s M o t h e r ' s s o r r o w , t h a t h a v i n g t h e b l e s s e d
S a c r a m e n t always e x p o s e d - a s it h a d t o b e a c c o r d i n g t o o u r R u l e - it
would never b e visited*51.
46
47
Letter to Ana Maria de Baeza, Sept. 1877.
48
Spiritual Notes 14, Retreat 1890.
49
Letter to M. Mana de San Ignacio, 12th April 1884.
50
SC 1,10.
51
PRECIOSA SANGRE, Chronicles II p. 341-342.
All this s e e m s to i n d i c a t e t h a t n o o n e in t h e c o m m u n i t y h a d s u c h a
c l e a r i d e a of t h e a p o s t o l i c s i g n i f i c a n c e of w o r s h i p of t h e E u c h a r i s t as s h e h a d .
T h e w r i t e r says t h a t t h e S i s t e r s w e r e h a p p y b t h e h o u s e b C h a m b e r ! « h a p p i e r
than they ever h a d been», a n d that M. Sacred H e a r t «was m o r e troubled every
day». N o t e v e n M . P i l a r felt s o s t r o n g l y t h e n e e d t o a p p r o a c h t h e p e o p l e b a n d
through the Eucharist.
While they w e r e b Chamberf they did everything possible t o attract the
faithful. A n d t h a t b c l u d e d m a n y details. T h e first w a s a s k b g p e r m i s s i o n of t h e
C a r d b a l to convert that ground-floor room b t o a public chapel. T h e C a r d b a l
granted that licence on 4 t h S e p t e m b e r .
«... w e g r a n t t o t h e a f o r e m e n t i o n e d S u p e r i o r t h e f a v o u r s h e r e q u e s t s
in h e r p e t i t i o n a n d c h a r g e h e r t o p l a c e a bell o v e r t h e c h a p e l d o o r t o
a n n o u n c e t o t h e f a i t h f u l t h a t t h e holy s a c r i f i c e of t h e M a s s is a b o u t t o
b e celebrated, and any other sacred mysteries*.
T h a t bell, p l a c e d b f u l f i l m e n t of t h e s e e m i n g l y s i m p l e condition
i m p o s e d b y t h e C a r d b a l , a l s o h a d its c o m i c side:
« A t t h e t i m e f o r M a s s o n t h e day a f t e r w e r e c e i v e d t h e p e r m i s s i o n , t h e
g a r d e n e r - w h o w a s a n elderly m a n very s u i t a b l e f o r t h e j o b - w e n t o u t
with t h e bell a n d w a l k e d b t h r e e d i f f e r e n t d i r e c t i o n s r i n g i n g it as h a r d
a s h e c o u l d .... H e d i d this every d a y e a r n e s t l y c a l l b g t h e g o a t s w h o
w e r e f e e d b g a r o u n d t h e h o u s e , f o r t h e r e w e r e very f e w n e i g h b o u r s .
N e v e r t h e l e s s , seven o r eight p e o p l e a t t e n d e d o n f e a s t days, a n d a f e w
m o r e later o n * .
S o m e days a f t e r w a r d s , a f t e r m a n y a t t e m p t s , t h e y h u n g u p a bell w h i c h
w a s like a cowbell. T h e g o o d h u m o u r of t h e c o m m u n i t y e n j o y e d t h e c o m m e n t s
of t h e p e o p l e w h o p a s s e d by a n d n o t i c e d t h e i m p r o v i s e d b e l f r y w h i c h c o u l d
h a r d l y b e s e e n f r o m below.
B u t b fact t h a t h o u s e c o u l d n o t p r o s p e r if t h e y w a n t e d t o c a r r y o u t t h e
i d e a l within t h e S u p e r i o r ' s h e a r t . T h e c h u r c h a n d t h e E u c h a r i s t r e s e r v e d t h e r e
w a s c e r t a i n l y « t h e life a n d j o y » of t h e c o m m u n i t y . B u t b e c a u s e of its s i t u a t i o n
n e i t h e r t h e h o u s e n o r t h e c h a p e l c o u l d ever b e c o m e k n o w n a s t h e « l i v b g
h e a r t * of a larger c o m m u n i t y . A n d this w a s a vital q u e s t i o n f o r M . S a c r e d
Heart.
52
Ibid. p. 353.
109 Part two: 1877-1887
«The journey of reconciliations*
A u t u m n a r r i v e d , a n d with it t h e n e e d t o fulfil a n obligation: t o pay t h e

first i n s t a l m e n t o n t h e h o u s e . T h e y h a d n o m o n e y , a n d M . Pilar d e c i d e d t o slip
a w a y t o C o r d o v a to n e g o t i a t e t h e sale of a f a r m .
S h e w a s a c c o m p a n i e d by a Sister, t h e s a m e o n e w h o h a d s t a y e d with
h e r w h i l e t h e c o m m u n i t y m o v e d f r o m C o r d o v a t o A n d u j a r . S h e set o u t f o r
A n d a l u s i a at t h e b e g i n n i n g of S e p t e m b e r . S h e d i d n o t t r a v e l in t o r r e n t i a l r a i n
this t i m e ; b u t s h e w a s surely t h i n k i n g of difficulties g r e a t e r t h a n that of
w e a t h e r i n g a s t o r m . T h e f i n a n c i a l s i t u a t i o n of t h e c o m m u n i t y w a s n o t easy. O f
c o u r s e , t h e y did h a v e p r o p e r t y in C o r d o v a , b u t w h e n t h e r e w a s n e e d t o c h a n g e
s o m e of it i n t o m o n e y t h e r e w e r e m a n y difficulties. A s t h e t r a i n r u s h e d t o w a r d s
D e s p e n a p e r r o s , M . P i l a r w a s m a k i n g plans, i m a g i n i n g possible b u y e r s a n d
c a l c u l a t i n g t h e i r gains. H e r t a s k w a s n o t a very p l e a s a n t o n e .
B e f o r e s h e l e f t M a d r i d t h e auxiliary B i s h o p a n d F r . C o t a n i l l a b o t h
r e c o m m e n d e d m o s t e a r n e s t l y t h a t s h e c o n t a c t all p e r s o n s w h o h a d a n y p a r t in
t h e e v e n t s l e a d i n g u p t o their d e p a r t u r e f r o m C o r d o v a , first of all, t h e B i s h o p
of c o u r s e , t h e n t h e V i c a r G e n e r a l of t h e d i o c c s c . S h e w a s also r a t h e r w o r r i e d
a b o u t t h e s e visits. S h e w e n t over in h e r m i n d all t h a t h a d h a p p e n e d , a n d s h e
c o u l d only r e a f f i r m w h a t s h e h a d w r i t t e n t o t h e m : t h a t t h e t w o (sisters) w e r e
s o r r y t o h a v e b e e n t h e c a u s e of «difficult m o m e n t s a n d s u f f e r i n g * b u t t h e y h a d
always a c t e d w i t h o u t «any m a l i c e in p r e s e n c e of G o d O u r L o r d » ; t h a t t h e y
r e m e m b e r e d t h e m in t h e i r p r a y e r s , a n d t h e y o f f e r e d t h e m s e l v e s to h e l p t h e m
in a n y w a y t h a t m i g h t b e u s e f u l , b u t t h e y still c o n s i d e r e d t h a t e a c h p e r s o n h a s
t h e right to c h o o s e t h e p a t h m o s t in c o n f o r m i t y with h e r own v o c a t i o n 5 3 .
M . P i l a r h a d m a n y things o n h e r m i n d d u r i n g that j o u r n e y . It w a s eight
or ten hours b e f o r e she reached D e s p e n a p e r r o s . T h e n , after the impressive
view of t h e g o r g e , s h e w a s o n c e a g a i n in A n d a l u s i a . Olive t r e e s , s m a l l o n e s
l e a n i n g lovingly t o w a r d s t h e e a r t h , d e s p e r a t e l y clinging to t h a t soil. L o w ,
« h u m b l e » t r e e s , r o o t e d in t h e * h u m u s » of A n d a l u s i a . V e r d a n t t r e e s , n o t bright,
b u t grey, silver. F i e l d s a n d fields. R o u n d e d hills t a t t o o e d w i t h s y m m e t r i c a l olive
t r e e s . T h e r e w e r e n o f l o w e r s n o w , b u t j u s t a w a r m light w h i c h r a i s e d t h e t o n e ,
a n d b r o u g h t o u t t h e c o l o u r s . It w a s a u t u m n , t h e b e a u t i f u l a u t u m n of A n d a l u s i a .
W i t h M . P i l a r a n d h e r c o m p a n i o n t h e c o m m u n i t y of H a n d m a i d s r e - e n t e r e d
t h e i r h o m e l a n d , they r e - e s t a b l i s h e d a f r i e n d s h i p with places a n d p e r s o n s , a
f r i e n d s h i p w h i c h h a d s e e m i n g l y b e e n b r o k e n by c i r c u m s t a n c e s .
W h e n they a r r i v e d in C o r d o v a t h e y s t a y e d in t h e h o u s e of D a .
A n g u s t i a s M a l a g 6 n , m o t h e r of t w o R e l i g i o u s of t h e c o m m u n i t y w h o h a d n o w
^ These letters were taken by hand by the porter of the house in Madrid when he went to
Cordova in May.
m a d e their vows 5 4 . T h e following d a y M . P i l a r d e c i d e d t o fulfil t h e m o s t

p a i n f u l p a r t of t h e t a s k w h i c h h a d b r o u g h t h e r t o t h e t o w n : a n i n t e r v i e w w i t h
the Bishop, Fray Ceferino.
«In the m o r n i n g she w e n t t o the Bishop's palace together with M a r i a

del B u e n C o n s e j o . O u r S i s t e r s w e r e in s e c u l a r d r e s s , very s i m p l e a n d
m o d e s t , all black. T h e first p e r s o n t h e y s a w w a s t h e S e c r e t a r y . H e did
not recognise them, and asked t h e m what had happened. M a r i a del
Pilar a s k e d h i m if h e k n e w t h e m , a n d h e said n o ; s h e a s k e d if h e
r e m e m b e r e d t h e P o r r a s sisters, a n d s h a k i n g his h e a d , h e s a i d n o . O u r
S i s t e r s t h o u g h t t h a t h e said this b e c a u s e h e did n o t w a n t t o
a c k n o w l e d g e t h e m . B u t m a k i n g a n o t h e r e f f o r t M . d e l P i l a r said:
1
D o n ' t you r e m e m b e r t h e R e p a r a t r i c e s of S a n R o q u e S t r e e t ? ' W h e n
h e h e a r d this, h e l o o k e d s u r p r i s e d a n d a s k e d m a n y q u e s t i o n s a b o u t t h e
community, showing h o w happy h e was at what they told him, and h e
w a n t e d t o t a k e t h e m t o t h e B i s h o p at o n c e . B u t M a r i a del P i l a r
w a n t e d h i m t o a n n o u n c e t h e m first, in case h e did n o t wish t o s e e h e r .
H e w e n t in a n d r e t u r n e d in a f e w m o m e n t s a s k i n g t h e m to g o in.
W h e n s h e w e n t into t h e r o o m M . P i l a r k n e l t at t h e B i s h o p ' s f e e t a n d
burst into tears, so that she was unable to speak a word» 5.
In spite of t h e B i s h o p ' s kind e x p r e s s i o n , M . M a r i a del P i l a r w a s u n a b l e

t o give h i m t h e w e l l - t h o u g h t - o u t excuses, s o c a r e f u l l y w o r d e d , w h i c h s h e h a d
b e e n p r e p a r i n g t h r o u g h o u t h e r j o u r n e y . F r a y C e f e r i n o said g o o d - b y e t o t h e m
with t h e u m o s t k i n d n e s s . T h e c h r o n i c l e r of t h a t t i m e says « h e t r i e d to s w e e t e n
his s e v e r e a p p e a r a n c e * 5 6 . T h o s e w o r d s a r e indicative of t h e r e v e r e n t i a l a w e
which t h e H a n d m a i d s t h e n felt f o r t h e B i s h o p of C o r d o v a .
M . Pilar p r o b a b l y t h o u g h t t h a t it w o u l d b e b e s t t o finish off t h e i r
difficult t a s k s o n c e a n d f o r all. S o s h e a n d h e r c o m p a n i o n w e n t t o all t h e o f f i c e s
in t h e P a l a c e , s t a r t i n g with t h a t of t h e V i c a r G e n e r a l , a n d left t h e w i t n e s s of
t h e i r t e a r s in all of t h e m . T h e y s p o k e very little, o r a l m o s t n o t h i n g , b u t s p i r i t s
h a d c h a n g e d m u c h since t h e e v e n t s of F e b r u a r y , a n d t h e d i o c e s a n c u r i a w a n t e d
a r e c o n c i l i a t i o n a s m u c h as t h e y did.
It w a s n o t only t h e p r i e s t s w h o w a n t e d this:
« W h e n it b e c a m e k n o w n t h a t o u r S i s t e r s h a d a r r i v e d in C o r d o v a all
k i n d s of p e o p l e w e n t t o visit t h e m ; n o t only t h e r e l a t i o n s of t h e S i s t e r s
^ MM. Maria dc Jesus and Maria de San Jose Gracia y Malagon.

55
PRECIOSA SANGRE, Chronicles II p. 355-6.
56
Ibid, p- 356.
104 Part two: 1877-1887
of our community, it was only natural for them to go ... But that was
not the most wonderful thing: for three years the whole family, except
Don Ramon, as wc have seen, was displeased with our Sisters, and
now they were there poorly and humbly dressed, asking earnestly to
sell a good part of their property. They had been and were still
criticised by everyone, and now they were all hurrying to visit them
and to make peace with them. This seemed truly miraculous, and
afterwards Maria del Pilar used to say that this had been a journey of
reconciliation, for this was all that happened* 57 .
They reached Cordova «poorly and humbly dressed*. That is true. It

was difficult to recognise in M. Pilar the brilliant young woman of some years
before. No one would have said on seeing her that she belonged to one of the
principal families of the town. Poverty was an inseparable companion of the
foundresses, and they both experienced at times rejection by the society to
whieh they had belonged. They proved in their own persons the meaning of the
saying that every great building has two entrances, one for the poor and one
for the powerful.
«... As she was not recognised on account of her attire, and she (M.
Pilar) did not say anything, the servants (not knowing what she
wanted) thought she was a poor person who would only be a nuisance
to their master; so they rudely sent her away, humiliated. Once she
was bold enough to go to the house of Don Ramon's father-in-law,
and Don Ramon happened to be there. A message was sent in, but the
answer was that the master and mistress were not at home. They
asked again, but it was useless; at last Maria del Bucn Consejo who
was always with her, said: 'But, Sister, tell them who you are 1 . Then
she told them her name. When the servant heard 'Dolores Porras'
he was shoeked, not knowing if he heard aright. He went in and as
soon as he mentioned the name the Marquis and the Marquesa were
in the hall, with their children and everyone else who was in the
house* .
It is surprising that M. Pilar delayed so long before announcing her

name; this can only be explained by the desire which she had made known on
many occasions of showing by her deeds and attitude that they did not belong
any more to the world of wealth and wellbeing, but rather to the poor people
57
Ibid p. 357-8.
58
Ibid. p. 358-9.
who are often despised simply on account of their appearance. The later life
of the foundresses shows us how far they were able to combine in their own
person excellent education - which could not be renounced even from a human
point of view - with modesty and simplicity and preferential concern for the
poor.
M. Pilar's poor attire must have been so noticeable - to say the least -
that one day when she was in Cordova Fr. Camilo de Palau, the ecclesiastical
treasurer, gave her five duros to buy some shoes. This is quite comical.
After staying a little more than a month they decided to return to
Madrid. They had not found a purchaser for their land, and debts were
pressing. However, M. Pilar had collected some money and she believed she
could face the most urgent needs of the community. Besides this, with great
confidence in Providence the foundresses decided to admit two sisters from
Velez-Malaga without any dowry; they had been wanting to join the Institute
for some time. Now they would travel with M. Pilar to Madrid. Dona Angustias
Malag6n entrusted to the foundresses the education of her daughter, a girl of
ten years whom M. Sacred Heart had prepared for her First Communion while
they were still living in San Roque Street in Cordova 59 . Carmen G6mez, the
lady who had accompanied M. Pilar during the illness and death of Fr, Jos£
Antonio Ortiz Urruela, also entrusted her daughter to them to be educated in
Madrid.
The two young women and the children went with M. Pilar and Sr.
Maria del Buen Consejo on their return journey. They went very happily, with
light purses: The elder of the foundresses wrote to her sister: «As I am not
bringing money, or very little, I want to bring souls for God* 60 .
The horizon of the Institute was becoming clearer. Some debts were
cancelled, old bonds of friendship renewed, two postulants for the novitiate ...
It is not too much to imagine that the journey back to Madrid was joyful.
Knowing M. Pilar's narrative skills we can imagine without any exaggeration
that she was already weaving in her mind a real story with the succession of
events they had lived through during those days in Cordova: Fray Ceferino's
face, the kindness of Fr. Camilo de Palau, the surprise of the Porras family
when she was nearly turned away because the servants thought she was a
'beggar' ... and their real poverty, those worn out shoes, which made the
priest think he should give her five duros for new ones!
The journey from Cordova to Madrid was much shorter than the one
59
Amparo Gracia y Malag6n entered the novitiate in 1883. Her name in the Institute was
Maria de la Inmaculada. She lived until 1943 and was a witness at the process of beatification and
canonisation of the Saint.
60
Letter of 25th September 1877.
106 Part two: 1877-1887
from Madrid to Cordova. The engine entered Atocha whistling amid clouds of
steam. Now there was only the walk to Chamber!, then the open arms and ears
of M. Sacred Heart and of all the Novices.
The first statutes
While M. Pilar was in Cordova, M. Sacred Heart was f u l f i l l i n g her role

of Superior of the Institute and spiritual guide of the community to perfection.
One of the matters she was dealing with at this time was the question of the
approval of the statutes; that is, the acceptance by the Church, in this case
represented by Cardinal Moreno, of her plan for religious life.
It is often difficult to express in words what is being lived in all
simplicity in the depths of the heart. This happened when she was trying to
write out the essence of the vocation which the community had been living
since their time in Cordova. The difficulty was all the greater because she had
not only to speak of their manner of living, but she had to express it in
canonical form. As always, M. Sacred Heart had recourse to Fr. Cotanilla. She
did not begin empty-handed. They had the rules of the Reparatrices, which in
their turn were a summary of part of the Constitutions of the Society of Jesus.
As soon as the community of novices had been admitted to Madrid the Jesuit
had drawn up a Brief Plan of the Congregation. Fr. Cotanilla was not exactly a
professor of language, but he could say quite clearly all that he wanted to say;
and say it concisely - very praiseworthy in an age given to rhetoric. He listed
in eight points the nature of the Institute which he called the «Reparatrices of
the Sacred Heart of Jesus». Without any literary adornment he traced the
general lines and specified the means by which that community proposed to
fulfil its mission. The document was dated in Madrid, 22nd April 1877, that is,
eight days after 14th April, a day considered decisive in the foundation of the
Institute. It was signed by Maria del Sagrado Coraz6n de Jesus 61 .
During the following months the two foundresses worked with Fr.
Cotanilla, drawing up more extended statutes. In fact it was the work of the
Jesuit. The foundresses' part was to ensure that nothing which they wished to
practise was omitted from the text. M. Pilar added the following lines to a
letter written by M. Sacred Heart some months earlier to some aspirants to the
religious life: «... tell Maria Manuela that it seems that Our Lord wants to
settle our Institute to His own taste, because the Cardinal wants exposition of
the Blessed Sacrament and gratuitous teaching for poor children to figure in
61
The document was sent to Cardinal Simeoni in the Secretariate of State, Rome.
the Rule ...»62.

The statutes were ready by the end of August.
«Fr, Cotanilla arranged for them to be sent to the Cardinal, asking for
his approval. They were sent, and the Cardinal returned them saying
he would send someone to look at them and correct them, and then
they could be sent to him. As the Cardinal was very busy he did not
remember what he had said, and our Superior, who was upset by any
delay, was very sorry. So one afternoon when the Secretary went to see
her, she told him about it, and asked him to remind the Cardinal. He
was pleased to promise to do this because he thought very highly of
her» .
So, a few days later D. Vicente Manterola, the examiner sent by the
Cardinal, arrived. He read the document and gave a very favourable report on
it. Consequently the Cardinal of Toledo signed the decree of approval on 21st
September of that memorable year 1877.
«These rules of the Congregation of Reparatrices of the Sacred Heart

of Jesus have been examined as we ordered, and according to the
report we have received, as they contain nothing unsuitable for
attaining religious perfection or obtaining the holy ends proposed, we
approve the said rules for a period of two years, after which they will
be sent to us again with any suitable comments which experience may
suggest, for their definitive approval*.
What a great relief! But the difficulties she had been through had left
their mark on M. Sacred Heart:
«Whcn our Superior received the plan approved for two years, she
wondered, and said to the Secretary:
— But, only for two years?
As if to say: 'Just when 1 expected it to be definitive, you come to me
with this?' j*64.
The Cardinal's secretary explained that this was the usual practice; and
it had the advantage that it was possible to change anything which after two
62
Letter to the sisters Maria Manuela and Ana Maria de Baeza, 21st May 1877.
63
PRECIOSA SANGRE, Chron. II p. 370.
64
Ibid. p. 372.
108 Part two: 1877-1887
years' experience might seem neccssary. «She was satisfied with that, and there
was joy in all her daughters when they heard, and repeated and multiplied
prayers of thanksgiving, just as before they had prayed in supplication* .
Yes, she was satisfied when she saw their vocation assured in the
statutes, and especially those points for which she had struggled, particularly
since February of that year. The Institute was consecrated to a great mission:
to respond to the «immense Iove» of Jesus Christ shown above all in the
«adorable, divbe Sacrament of the Altar; to make amends for the offences
which His Heart receives from people, and to obtain His compassion for those
poor sinners* so that they may return to his friendship and favour. M. Sacred
Heart had explained in detail to Fr. Cotanilla the concrete ways of living out
the mission of the Institute. Fr. Cotanilla had taken the Rules of the
Reparatrices and adding the appropriate paragraphs had given a legal form to
the statutes. Worship of the Eucharist and apostolic works were clearly
determined, with characteristics of their own which would be repeated
throughout the history of the Handmaids.
The schcme approved by Cardinal Moreno bore a final note which
caused the foundresses to breathe deeply with relief: «For its spiritual guidance
and the practice of virtue the Congregation has the rules of St. Ignatius of
Loyola*. The approval included this clause66.
«See how beautiful it is for brethren to live in union*
At the beginning of November they received news from Cordova that

a purchaser had appeared for the farm. M. Pilar and her companion, Sr. Maria
del Buen Consejo, set out once more with the hope of a sale at last.
When they reached Cordova all the possible buyers seemed to have
disappeared like smoke. M. Pilar stayed in the town for more than two months
and did not leave a single «count or marquis to whom she did not offer the
property, but without any success*. The journey gave rise to some beautiful
correspondence in which the two foundresses recount the difficulties of those
days and reveal the good spirit with which they had all become accustomed to
bear them. They are simple letters, full of unimportant details; but they reveal
the family closeness which is not impaired by distance. M. Sacred Heart speaks
about the Noviccs: «Prcciosa Sangre, better; the others, very good and very
happy*; «Carmen has had a bad cough; she still has it, but it is a little better,
and I was worried*. «Some of them feel the cold very much; it has been rather
65
Ibid.
66
Statutes of the Congregation of Reparatrices of the S. Heart.
intense; I, thanks be to God, don't feel it much, it is a help to get rid of

laziness*. «The Novices, good and very happy ...»,
On her side M. Pilar gives an account of all she is doing in Cordova,
and constantly remembers the community: «I never forget them; they are
everything for me, they can believe that, like the apple of my eye». «I, on the
one hand am struggling with the desire to return to that house, the best refuge,
I think, in this world; and with the fear of losing spirit; and on the other afraid
of not settling things well because of my impatience* 67 .
Sometimes post from Cordova was delayed, and then M. Sacred Heart
makes sueh justified remarks as: «It seems that you have died. It is always said
that the word kills but the spirit gives life; I say that because when I said do not
write much, I did not mean never do it. I think I have not heard from you for
a week ... So, if you have died, let Consejo write, if she is alive; and if not,
whoever receives this letter* 68 .
In faet the letters which are preserved are plentiful, and they reveal
their deep union of spirits, the close fraternal relationship of everyone in the
community, especially the two foundresses. M. Pilar took on the responsibility
of administration, but she asked advice and permission from «her sister and
Superior* for all her decisions, as well as from Fr. Cotanilla: «... I want to
know if I should stay on until this business is sctded, or at least until it is well
on the way. I am indifferent about this, and I would set out tomorrow if I did
not consider it my duty to await orders from my superiors* 69 .
M. Pilar felt very much her situation as elder sister. Sometimes she
suffered when she thought of M. Sacred Heart burdened with difficulties on
account of persons, of material concerns, etc. In such cases she felt obliged to
give advice to the one whom she consulted as her Superior before making a
decision:
«God is all powerful, He loves us infinitely, and He can see what is

happening. What are we afraid of? What does it matter? Let us serve
Him as well as we can with joy, and He will see to the outcome.
Perhaps it may be painful for our nature, but very advantageous for
grace, and it may come to an end when we least think of it, even
though it may be with death. Inculcate great faith in everyone' - you
know this was the theme of our blessed Father - a strong faith which
makes them despise even necessary things when God does not give
them. He alone suffices, and if we strive to deepen this great truth
67
Letters of I5th September 1877 and 1st January 1878.
68
Letter, 22nd December 1877.
69
Letter, 3rd October 1877.
110 Part two: 1877-1887
within our spirit we shall live very happily in this life»70.
In fact, at that time, M. Sacred Heart was not in such need of

encouragement as the previous paragraph might lead us to suppose. In her
ear her letters she had spoken quite naturally of many things - some were
agreeable, others disagreeable - but none of them justified the concern shown
by M. Pdar. The Superior answered briefly in order to reassure her:
«In spite of my weakness, faith, courage and trust are not wanting to
me, thanks be to God. This .sustains mc; if not, what would happen to
me?»71.
At this time M. Sacred Heart's trust rested, as it did throughout her

life, on her conviction of her complete poverty, empowered to the utmost by-
God's grace. Because she knew that God's strength acts in our weakness (cf.
2 Cor 12,9), her words and her actions arc marked with the seal of the
constancy of her faith.
M. Sacred Heart's words arc very brief. In that, as in so much else in
her character, she was different from her sister. But not in their fundamental
ideas; at that level, so important, they were much alike. A letter from M. Pilar
written at this time (during her stay in Cordova) reveals that she too believes
that their role as foundresses consists above all in obedience and docility to
God's will. In particular, their response to their divine vocation is more an
attitude of receiving rather than that of carrying out great works:
«... Our faith must be very great, because so is the vocation in which
God has placcd us, as you will remember; for obedience to our lawful
superiors is what has guided us ever since wc left home. For myself,
this and the desire to serve God, that is, my good faith, although
defective, is what preserves and increases my spiritual joy day by day
in this and in everything.
Now, after getting lost, and much walking in the cold, we have come
back all the way from beyond Santa Cruz, looking for the Marquis of
Benamejf; and after an unfriendly reception from the porter, the tady
is in bed and cannot be seen. And am I going to faint for that? No, I'll
go, God willing, again on Wednesday. If I get no money, I'll get
humdiations. God sees everything. We have to be detached from
everything, because nothing is of much importance for God, except
70
Letter, 4th January 1878.
71
Letter 6th January 1878.
that each one should fulfil the plans He has for them. Let us work
away at this business, and if God wills - as we should hope - to subject
us to hard and painful trials, they won't last for a hundred years ...
This is quite humiliating for me; that is, being in Cordova, and all that
is happening, but 1 imagine that I am the Child Jesus' ball, and not for
anything in this world, except through obedience do I want to ceasc to
amuse Him.
Everything is going on, that is the important thing. So, even though
it seems all is at a standstill we shall go forward for the Heart of
Jesus. In Him united to all. Maria del Pilar* 72 .
That letter, long as usual from M. Pilar, crossed with one from M.
Sacred Heart. In her own style, more concise than that of her sister, she speaks
of many different things - illnesses, visit of a bishop, possible taking of the habit
by postulants, etc. - and in the midst of these minor happenings, some words
which reveal her serene, simple trust:
«See, I have plenty of courage and energy now. Our Lord sees it is
needed, and so He makes up for me.
There is probably not more than ten pence in the house today,
thank God. 1 am so happy!*73.
The house they were in had a large garden, but it had become a
wilderness through lack of water. The did have a waterwheel, but as the water
was very deep down, no animal could stand the work. Indeed they bought «an
ancient mule, of unknown age ... unable to help anybody in a difficulty*74.
The community was not easily daunted by difficulties: between six or seven of
the stronger Sisters they drew sufficient water each day.
Then came the story of the rope. It must have been very much worn -
like the old mules they bought - because it broke easily.
The water they used had to be strictly limited, and this was a great
nuisance, especially in the Madrid summer. Yet M. Sacred Heart was not
unduly upset. In her heart she was pleased that the troubles were serious
enough to justify cancelling the contract with the owner of the house. For her,
the isolation of the house whieh made it difficult for people to take part in the
worship, and almost impossible for any apostolic work, was a greater problem
than any other inconvenience. Nevertheless, she did not act hastily. She and M.
72
Letter 11th January 187S.
73
letter 7th January 1878.
74
112 Part two: 1877-1887
Pilar were aware of the advice of prudent persons. Her brother Ramon, for
example had said: «You should act very slowly, I think before breaking off from
the owner of the house in which you are living. You know well that I always
thought it expensive, but it will not be easy to find another one which will suit
you better ...» .
They were still living with the problem of the water when Cardinal
Moreno advised them to change their habit. They were still wearing the habit
of the Society of Marie Reparatrice, and this could give rise to some confusion.
The foundresses made no objection, and when they told the others, it was no
problem for them either. It is surprising how those young women with such
little experience of religious life could distinguish what was essential from
secondary matters. For their vocation, the essential, they would have given their
life. With regard to the style of dress, it did not occur to them to argue.
The fact is that in mid-summer, amid suffocating heat and very Utile
water, they were given the extra work of making changes in the very clothes
they were wearing within a few days. They did it in great haste, and on 22nd
August they changed the blue and white habit for black. They seemed rather
funereal to each other at first, but «as their happiness and contentment did not
depend on the colour of the habit, they were happy and they remained
content* . Good advice from Ramon Porras was not lacking on this occasion
either: «... the habit does not make the monk, neither is it unreasonable to act
according to superiors' wishes when they think, for their own good reasons, that
you should change from white to black. You still have the spirit of the rule,
which is the essential. If necessary you should sacrifice everything else, because
all the rest, more or less, is accidental...a77.
When they saw their brother was such an expert in the matter of
religious life, they could not help remembering the years before they left Pedro
Abad, the tensions in the family, etc. Such a complete change in Ramon was
remarkable. Indeed, his moral support had been of immense value throughout
the foundation.
On 29th August M. Pilar set out on her third journey. A lady had
written from Cordova about a certain person who was interested in that blessed
farmhouse which was so difficult to sell. Ramon Porras owned some share of
the estate, and he did not want to dispose of it. In spite of his love for his
sisters and for the Institute, he was refusing to give up the property. He was in
Pedro Abad at that time, and he would have had to go to Cordova in order to
meet M. Pilar. The two sisters did not want to make any more difficulties, so
75
Letter, 28th August 1878.
76
77
Letter to the two foundresses, 28th August 1878.
they decided that M. Pilar should go to Pedro Abad.

That visit became a great celebration for Pedro Abad! It was the first
time that «Miss Dolores* had returned, and she was so well known and loved
by all the inhabitants of the village -«Miss Raphaela* never went back at all -.
That visit revived all the memories: the kindness of the two sisters, their care
for all the poor people, the mercy, the love, the goodness they had poured out,
and their place in the hearts of the people of Pedro Abad. Her stay was very
short, but it was packed and so full of delightful details that the account of it
takes up several pages of the chronicle of the Institute:
«The journey was arranged, and on 29th August M. Pilar and her
faithful companion, Maria de los Dolores, set out dressed in then-
religious habit, because being black it was not likely to attract attention
as the white one did. They reached Pedro Abad on 30th, feast of St.
Ramon, and consequently her brother's feast day. In the station there
were some people who knew our Sister, but she asked them not to say
anything, and they agreed. The station is situated about a mile from
the village, and our Sisters walked the whole way at eleven o'clock in
the morning in Andalusia, where the sun is really felt. The famous
miracle-working statue of the Holy Christ of Pedro Abad stands in the
hermitage at the entrance of the village. The cemetery is within the
hermitage. Our Sisters' first visit was there, the resting-place of their
parents and brothers. The woman who looked after the sanctuary knew
her (M. Pilar) and when our Sister set out for her brother's house she
found that others already knew, but they only looked at them from
their windows, with an exclamation or two:
— The young ladies!
They reached their brother's house before the news had arrived, and
they found a maid at the door. She was surprised and went in calling
out:
— Miss Dolores, Miss Dolores!
And the whole house was aroused. But before they had time to greet
her brother the house filled with relations and acquaintances, many of
them children, so clever are they at finding something new. They were
in the house for twenty-four hours and they hardly had a chance to tell
her brother the reason for the journey. There was nobody, little or
great who did not call that afternoon. Finally, when the door was
closed for the night, she was able to speak. Don Ramon had no need
to sell anything, and he did not care for the suggestion, but as our
Sister had a great gift of persuasion, she did obtain his consent, which
was the essential thing, even if she did not succeed in convincing him.
The following day, 31st, was a Sunday. But how could they go out to
121 Part two: 1877-1887
Mass? They would never have got through the streets if her sister-in-
law, Dona Dolores, had not offered her coach, which our Sister
accepted because she foresaw what would happen. When they reached
the church they bid in the Bl. Sacrament Chapel, in order to be able
to receive Communion in peace. But even so, they were not left
undisturbed. When they were least expecting it they received big
embraces from behind. One poor woman, struggling between her
respect in the holy place, and her love, went up to embrace them
saying:
— May God forgive me; but 1 cannot help it, darling!
And another one, not doing quite so much, went up to them as our
Sisters knelt down for communion, and separating their habits, said:
— At least let me receive Holy Communion in the middle; I'll be
happy with that.
It is not surprising that they did this to Maria del Pilar; what is
surprising is that they also did it to Maria de los Dolores, whom they
did not know 78 . But they heard Mass and returned home. But when
tfiey went in they found it was besieged, and they could hardly go
inside. That was all right. But when our Sister said that they were
going to Cordova that day, everybody protested in a terrible way,
above all their brothers, sisters-in-law and relations. The coach was at
the door and it was almost impossible for our Sister to get away from
so many people. But amid tears and sighs she left them and entered
the coach which was filled at once with children and relatives who
went with her to the station. Afterwards our Sister used to say that she
thought it was only by a miracle that she had been able to slip from
their hands that day» .
After many days spent in negotiations in Cordova, the farm was sold.
In the meantime in Madrid, M. Sacred Heart was seeing at every step
the need to change their residence. Lack of water caused other difficulties
which she describes in the letters written to her sister at this time:
«... The rope of the waterwheel broke today; 1 don't know whether to
buy another, on rather the twine to make one. What would be better,
78
Some confusion of baptismal and names in religion here. Maria de los Dolores was the
name in the Institute of Carmen Rodriguez Carretero; in the Novitiate she had been called Maria
del Buen Consejo, Dolores Porres as we know was Maria del Pilar in the Institute, or simply Pilar.
For her family she was always Dolores.
70
ly
PRECIOSA SANGRE, Chronicles II p. .129-432.
let the mule bring the water, or repair the rope? For if we find a
house or land it will take at least one year ...» .
She did not stop at lamenting over these incidents. A few days later
she tells what she has been doing to find a house:
«... On Tuesday, 3rd, Cubas came, but he had done nothing. The land
behind the Visitation Sisters is very expensive ...
I wrote to you in Pedro Abad telling you about the waterwheel; the
rope is being replaced now, but I have told them not to take out more
water than is needed ...»81.
«Cubas is still trying. On Wednesday or Thursday he came back with

a plan - 1 send you a copy now - and news about another piece of
land, which seems unsuitable to me because it is too far away, and he
is still getting information. I went to see the land on this plan: it is in
Luchana Street, the principal part, and faces two other good roads at
the sides; and there is a little pathway at the back; that is, it is one
whole block. In the background is that mill which he marks there; it
is rather big. 1 am sending you Cubas' letter for you to see what he
thinks. It is a very good situation, but for me it has one great
disadvantage; it is very low, and the foundations will cost a lot. There
is a well, and water from Lozoya is very near. It is very near
Fuencarral Street. Father has seen it and he likes it very much; but it
is expensive, as you will see. 1 have told Cubas not to settle anything
until you come, and he told me there is no hurry* 82 .
«... Cubas has not come baek. I don't want to send him a message
because 1 cannot decide or approve anything until Fr. Cotanilla and
you are here ...»83
"The well has become an ocean; today the wheel broke into two or
three parts. Thank goodness Francisco is sure it will be no use* 84 .
As can be seen from these letters, the two sisters were very active,
each in her own place. M. Sacred Heart was in charge of a community of
sn
ou
Letter of 2nd September 1878.
81
87
83
84
116 Part two: 1877-1887
Novices and young professed Religious still in formation. She had plenty to do
within the house. But in spite of everything she did not neglect the duties
involved in running the Institute, even the material matters. It is admirable that
although she was the Superior, she not only took her sister's opinion into
account, but after every possible consideration on her part, she gave up her
own opinion when the time came for making a decision.
At the end of September a house was found in the paseo del Cisne. It
was expensive, but very suitable. M. Sacred Heart liked it. She wrote, as usual,
to her sister giving her all the details of the property in a very full description:
«I do not like the land of the enclosed plan, and I am sure you will not
like it either, because it is very low, and is overlooked by all the
houses. But I have not said anything. Today, for the same price, I have
seen a beautiful house with a very good garden, one in front and
another at the back, a bigger one. It is rather big. And, quite different
from the other placc, it is so high that it dominates all the surrounding
houses. It has its own running water; there is so much, that the owner
collects 2,000 reales a year from several houses for rent (for the
expense of the pipes, I suppose). I think there are six or seven water-
hydrants, like those in the streets, with a hose for watering. There are
plenty of taps in the house on the ground, first and second floors. The
sculleries are white marble stone, with taps, and there is a sink under
the roof. In fact it is such a well finished house that it is a pleasure.
There are many rooms, and good ventilation. Some rooms have two
or three windows with railings, but I think they are balconies.
It is in the paseo del Cisne No. 5, going in by the old Chamberi
square; the second house, I think. The site seems promising to me for
the future; and even now it is very good. They are asking 35,000 duros,
but according to the gardener, who is a good man, it seems they would
take 32,000 or less ...
I'll not do anything until Father and you see it and give your
opinion®85.
M. Pilar answered by return post:
«... I am glad you are not doing anything until I go. In the meantime
I would like, 1 st . don't stop looking for other houses and property; but
2" , (and really, this should be first, because this is what I feel), pray
hard, oblige Our Lord to make it possible for us to build, so as to give
85
preference to his church, and also for our quarters, that we may have
a place fitting for religious poverty...*86.
As we know because of hopes that M. Sacred Heart had placed in this

house, it was easy to understand that she did not expect this answer, still less
because Fr. Cotanilla had come back and he thought it would be a suitable
purchase. She wrote to her sister again; her letter crossed the one we have just
quoted. She repeated that she would not do anything until M. Pilar had seen
the house. «It is beautiful; but I find it expensive, and perhaps, could not be
enlarged. It's a very good neighbourhood: the Servants of Mary on one side,
and a garden on the other* 87 .
M. Pilar arrived in Madrid from Cordova at the beginning of October.
She went to see the house; but she was not completely satisfied; she even made
a disagreeable remark: «Fr. (Cotanilla) and Mother must have been blind when
they liked this* 88 . We do not really know why it seemed so bad to her. Surely
she had no special reasons apart from what she had written to M. Sacred Heart
in her letter of 1st October: the elder of the foundresses had the idea of
building a new house; and having this idea, any house she saw seemed full of
disadvantages.
In Obelisk Parade. The joy of

«having Christ to be adored by the people*
Autumn advanced, and the lack of water persisted. The temperature

was considerably lower, so much so that «the work of drawing water only
helped to give glory to God and to catch pneumonia* 89 . On 12th October the
parish priest of Chamber! visited the house. The community, including the
superior, was in retreat. But not M. Pilar, who went to the parlour. The parish
priest told her about a very good, suitable house in Obelisk Parade. It had the
disadvantage of b e b g part of a legacy, and hence difficult to acquire. M. Pilar
- in this case quite aware of her role as a subject - listened attentively to the
priest's account, then said she must wait and give a full report to her sister.
Thus began the negotiations to purchase the first house owned by the Institute.
The acquisition was extremely difficult; there were eight months of waiting and
84
Letter of 1st October 1878.
fti
" Letter of 30th September 1878.
88
118 Part two: 1877-1887
many miles of walking if we take into account all the journeys through Madrid
visiting one person after another until the document of sale was signed on 11th
June 187990.
Even then the whole of that month went by until the owner decided
to move:
«On 1st July her brother caune to say that the house was unoccupied,
but he could not give us the keys until the following morning; he
would bring them very early. That night, naturally, the talk in
recreation was all about the keys. In the morning as they were making
their meditation in the chapel, there was a knock on the door in the
midst of complete silence. Manuel, the porter, opened the door, and
a voice was heard: 'The keys of the house'. Then there was a general
explosion of laughter, and even more when we saw Maria del Pilar
come in and throw the keys at the foot of the altar, making the
consequent noise* 91 .
Truly, it had cost as much to get those keys as it had cost the Catholic
Kings to get the keys of Granada from the hands of Boabdil!
That very day they cleaned the house, and on the next, the 2nd, they
moved in. They did the move in the same way as they had done before; that is,
working against time, and doing incredible things, but in an atmosphere of joy
and good humour:
«After Mass they went to the refectory, and before they had finished
breakfast they began to say:
— The carts are loaded! and ready to go if you set out at once!
They left the refectory and found all the doors open and the moving
men loading up as quickly as possible.
Maria del Pilar, who was not, and never was, very calm, caught hold
of them by the arm as they came out from breakfast, saying:
— You go, and you, and you ...
And before a cock could crow she pushed us into the street.
One of them said:
— Sister, I have left my crucifix!
Another one:
— Sister, I have no apron!
She said to them all in the same hurry:
90 A very tangled situation - a legacy - two mortgages etc. Cf. M. MARTI RES, op. cit.
91
PRECIOSA SANGRE, Chronicles p. 465.
— Go off, at once!
And the funniest part was that none of those whom she had sent into
the road knew the way, because none of them had gone the day
before, and she answered one who turned back saying: 11 don't know
the way', by saying 'Go down there!'
But what she did take care of was to see that no one went empty-
handed; so she said to them all:
— You take this; you take this ...
So everybody went with as much as they could carry.
A short time later six or eight were in the new house, and the carts
arrived at onee, then came M. Superior with a few more» 92 .
On 4th July the Eucharist was celebrated for the first time in the room
set apart as the private chapel. The chronicler, aware of the importance of that
moment, reported it in all detail: «... 4th July, the First Friday of the month, at
seven o'clock in the morning, this Father (Cotanilla) celebrated the holy
sacrifice of the Mass for the first time in the new house, the first house owned
by the Congregation. Then he left the Blessed Sacrament reserved. Our Sisters
sang beautiful songs in honour of the Sacred Heart of Jesus; then Father
intoned the Te Deum which was continued in two choirs accompanied by the
organ* 93 .
The enclosure was not closed off for some days because everyone who
had had some part in the acquisition of the house wanted to see it. Indeed
there were many curious people: «Several times every day our Sisters met
unknown people in the corridors or on the stairs, and when they were least
expecting it they came across a top hat, or heard the rustle of garments* 94 .
One afternoon there gathered by chance, the Cardinal Patriarch of the
Indies, the Bishop of Santander - an old friend of the foundresses - a
magistrate who was a relative of two Novices, with their family and some other
people who had had something to do with the purchase of the house. When the
Patriarch «saw the great entrance hall filled with people, who had also eome
to bid him farewell, he noted with amusement that all those present were
Andalusians. He said that perhaps Madrid had never seen a bigger Andalusian
colony than that one, for the Bishop and his Chaplain were also Andalusians,
and together with our porters there were more than thirty-five persons
present* 95 .
92
ibid. p. 469-470.
93
Ibid. p. 477.
94
Ibid. p. 478.
95
Ibid. p. 480.
127 Part two: 1877-1887
The people were coming and going all the time while the Sisters were
fitting out the room planned for the public chapel, on the ground floor besides
the classrooms for the school and a reception room. «They only needed to put
up a few partitions and remove some others, and they wanted to be finished by
31st July, the feast of St. Ignatius of Loyola, to inaugurate the chapel* 96 . It
is amusing to see how naturally the writer said: «they only needed to put up
some partitions, and remove others*. After the obstacle race of the whole story
of the foundation, everything seemed easy. The chronicler adds that M. Pilar
«made her plans as accurately as ever, so as to spend only a little money,
because there was none, and then she called in the workmen* 97 .
«The eve of St. Ignatius arrived, and the men were still working. But
they departed in the afternoon, and our Sisters began the cleaning. It
was almost night when Fr. Cotanilla arrived to bless the chapel. He
put on his stole, and surrounded by lumber, together with the priest
from the parish church he blessed the chapel.
Our Sisters went on cleaning, some of them put up the curtains,
others laid mats, others brought down the benches, and others
arranged the altar. At last when it was daylight, all was ready.
At 7 a.m. on 31st July 1877 the first Mass was said in the first public
chapel of the first house of the Reparatrices of the Sacred Heart of
Jesus, by R. Father Cotanilla of the Society of Jesus, in the capital
town Madrid, feast of Saint Ignatius of Loyola*98.
P r a c t i c e h a d m a d e t h o s e w o m e n c a p a b l e of a n y e f f o r t . T h e y h a d
d e c i d e d t h a t t h e c e l e b r a t i o n s h o u l d b e o n t h e f e a s t of St. Ignatius, a n d a l t h o u g h
n o o n e in t h e h o u s e in O b e l i s k P a r a d e w e n t t o b e d t h a t night, t h e first rays of
dawn shone on the chapel ready for the Eucharist.
It was a memorable day, marked with special care in the chronicles of
the Institute. Fr. Cotanilla also mentioned it in his diary: «... On 30th July by
order of His Eminence the Cardinal, I solemnly blessed the new public chapel
of the Reparatrices. On 31st I said the first Mass in the Chapel, and the divine
Majesty was reserved in the tabernacle, and exposed the whole day in the
monstrance* .
From then onwards they had exposition of the Blessed Sacrament all
day on Thursdays and Sundays, besides other feasts. The Cardinal told them
96
p. 484.
97
Ibid.
98
Ibid. p. 486-7.
99
Diary, Typed copy of originai p. 11.
that in order to have permission for daily exposition they must wait until they
had a bigger chapel. M. Sacred Heart had to submit to this order from the
prelate, but in later years she never missed the opportunity to have the first
concession amplified, as can be seen from her letters and the house diaries.
In a letter to her sister in 1881 she said: «On Monday His Eminence
was here, as kind as ever. Without our asking, he granted us permission to have
the Blessed Sacrament the whole octave of Corpus Christi, on the Fridays in
June and on the Saturdays still left in May» 100 . When she said «he granted
us permission to have the Blessed Sacrament» she meant exposition, because
they had had the Eucharist reserved since the first Mass was celebrated in the
community's private oratory. The following year they enjoyed a similar
concession during the octave of the Immaculate Conception: «In spite of all the
snow and the cold, we have never missed our Mass at the right time, thank
God, or the exposition which we have throughout the octave* .
When they could not have the Blessed Sacrament exposed they adored
Our Lord in the tabernacle. Even from those first years M. Sacred Heart tried
to stir up in all their hearts the desire for night adoration. For her and for the
other Religious, the silence and solitude of the night always provided an
atmosphere specially helpful for gratitude for the infinite love of Christ who
gives Himself to us in the Eucharist; that constant love which never sleeps and
which asks us for a return of love.
And how well she lit this fire in the hearts of all! When they spoke of
the Presence, meaning the «principal object of our gathering* even the most
reserved spoke in glowing terms. One of the Sisters wrote that the Eucharist
was the «life and joy* of a Handmaids' house. Another one said that that
Presence and their duty of adoring was «a great gift*. Another, perhaps the
most inspired, expressed a marvellous idea in her writings: that the Eucharist
is the life of the Institute just as the root is the life of the tree. And she added
a serious warning, followed by a firm hope: the tree dies if it lacks roots,
«which I hope by God's mercy will never happen, but that He who planted it
will carry it forward with increase, as in His goodness He is doing* .
In His goodness He was doing it. Really for that first community of
Handmaids the «sacred duty* of adoration was in practice, the humble trusting
expression of their love, the joy of a real feast, rather than an obligation 103 .
They did not have the fullness of Eucharistic worship as described in
the statutes of the Institute, and M. Sacred Heart earnestly desired to obtain
100
Letter of 20 May 1881.
101
Letter to her sister 11th December 1882.
102
M. MARTI RES, Autobiographical notes p. 41.
irit
Cf. MERCEDES AGUADO, Notes on the spirituality of St Raphaela M. of S.C. p. 115.
122 Part two: 1877-1887
that. Nevertheless although it was small, the chapel began to be a focus of

prayer. There, Christ was present, exposed «to be adored by the people*. Years
later M. Sacred Heart would in those words express her deep desire to bring
all people to the Eucharist, to arouse in their hearts a response of love for the
living presence of Christ in the sacramental species.
«Adored by the peoples*. She dreamt of worship with a universal
dimension which would convert the earth to an immense altar, and humankind
into one sole family. And this dream began to become a reality through the
most simple people. So «adoration by the peoples* began b Madrid, and it was
for a start «adoration by people* the trusting and humble poor people.
« Watching by the ladies began in this little chapel. It began through

the devotion of a poor old portress, called Paca. Our porter told M.
Superior that that good woman had gathered several others to watch
before the Blessed Sacrament, taking turns throughout the day.
Mother was pleased with the idea, and she spoke to Paca to learn
more about it* 104 .
It is a pity that the author of that account was not so fond of details
as the other writers. She could have told us many details of the conversation
between M. Sacred Heart and Paca, the portress. What explanation would she
have given of her attitude of prayer during the long hours spent before the
Eucharist? We do not know either what Manuel thought (another porter!) of
that care. It is a pity. They would have been interesting facts to deepen our
conviction that God reveals to the humble and simple what is often concealed
from the wise (cf. Mt 11,25).
Later on that spontaneous movement of Eucharistic prayer bccamc
more structured. Within a short time the Association of Adorers of the Blessed
Sacrament consisted of many members: women from all sections of society who
followed the initiative of a humble portress in Madrid with great love for the
Eucharist, and a very humble foundress who was certain that she could do no
greater work for Christ than to «place Him to be adored by the peoples* 105 .
As soon as they had moved into the house in Obelisk Parade the
school was opened in one of the rooms on the ground floor. For two years the
classes were held in the midst of extreme poverty with regard to teaching
materials, and even desks and tables until they were able to enlarge the place.
It was not for lack of interest in this work, but the absolute lack of means. It
is true that they had a beautiful house, but the purchase of that had exhausted
104 M.
, MARTI RES, Notes on the foundation of the house in Madrid p. 29.
105
M. MARY O F T H E SACRED HEART, Spiritual Notes, Retreat 1890.
all their resources. The chronicles of this time give a lively description of the
situation; and they were not written for the public, lest it might have been
thought that in speaking of poverty they were asking for help. No, they were
meant as a record of the private history of the Institute.
«... On 23rd August there was not more than sixpence in the house to
feed and clothe twenty-four of them. They had their bread on credit;
the vines were laden with beautiful, ripe grapes which they had for
breakfast, going for it to the garden. They had a small supply of beans,
lentils and cod, which they ate either for dinner or for supper. At first
the Sisters did not know about this, but one day the Superior told
them to ask God to supply their needs, because it was likely that the
baker would not want to continue letting them have their bread on
credit, and then they would feel the effects even more. The need was
great; but our Sisters did not lose their usual joy and contentment, and
they almost wanted to experience extremes. This went on for some
days, and they went on suffering for perhaps one month, until Our
Lord helped them; not making things easy, but giving them enough for
their needs; and that is how He kept them always, thanks to His
infinite mercy» 106 .
In September 1879 the two years' approval of the statutes given by

Cardinal Moreno expired. Fr. Cotanilla and the two foundresses, with the
experience they had gained during this time, revised the manuscript which had
to be presented for definitive approval.
Christmas 1879. Taking stock
They drew near the end of 1879, a year filled with great and small
events. The Institute was firmly established under the auspices of the Cardinal
of Toledo. All the Novices who had left Cordova on that memorable 5th
February 1877 - and the four who had stayed a few days longer in San Roque
Street - had made their religious vows, and the commitment made by each one
had confirmed the strength of the Institute. As she looked back, M. Sacred
Heart felt immense gratitude: «Even if we were prostrate giving thanks all the
time, we could never repay God all that we owe Him». She wrote that sentence
two years later, but it came from a heart and from lips well accustomed to
104
124 Part two: 1877-1887
praise the mercies of the Lord 107 .

The vitality of this Institute had been shown especially in the cohesion,
and in the depth of community life, built upon the Eucharist. Their fraternal
union was so great, the joy of that young group so contagious that they had
attracted new vocations even in the midst of the greatest difficulties. With no
apparent stability, that community rooted in love, had held on firmly to their
hope throughout a long pilgrimage. «Everything in them was hope*. And then,
as now, the world was for those who could find the way of faith and trust in
every situation, and could offer it for others.
The year ended in the atmosphere of joy which was the usual climatc
of the community. The mystery of Christmas had spccial human and
supernatural responses from the hearts of those young women who at last had
found themselves not only peaceful on account of the Church's approval, but
also happy to be living out their religious consecration in a dwelling which they
could definitely consider their true home.
Christmas, joyful mysteries of Christ's life. Poverty, simplicity, welcome
for God-with-us. What an atmosphere of prayer, of complete joy is revealed by
the description in the Chroniclcs!
«On the feast of the Immaculatc Conception, 8th December, our
Sisters renewed their vows at the hands of Rev. Fr. Rodelcs; and on Christmas
day he came to say the Midnight Mass. His bed was prepared in the parlour,
which was separate from the house; and at eleven-thirty he was called and
celebrated Mass, and the Sisters received Holy Communion. The altar was
adorned as usual with delicatc taste, and above the Tabernaclc there was a
Child Jesus in a manger ... After the Mass our Sisters went to the rcfectory for
cakes and chocolate, and then to rest».
They did not rest much. «We should not sleep on that holy night...»
says a well-known carol:
«The Benedicamus Domino aroused them again at 5.15, and the priest
arrived to say the second Mass. Our Sisters were at the organ with
tambourines, drums and castanets so as to break into the Gloria with
joyful carols. They did indeed sing and play enthusiastically until the
elevation of the Host.
After the elevation they tried to go on with the music, but when the
organist began to play one key stayed up, making a disagreeable sound
with another and then others did the same. The singers stopped, the
organist tried and tried again, but the organ stopped, not out of tunc
now, but silent.
107 This sentence is in a letter to M. Maria de la Cruz, 18th May 1890.

C.l. Madrid, cradle of the Institute 125
They tried to find the cause of the trouble, and it seems that the
Sister who was playing the tambourine needed some water; she had
placed a glass of water on the organ to have it close at hand, and when
moistening her fingers had involuntarily spilt it over the keyboard.
That was at the beginning, and at first as no one noticed it, the Sister
thought it did not matter; but when the water penetrated inside the
organ it was impossible to play».
As this kind of accident never occurs alone, so in this case too, it had
company. And, as always, the chronicler describes it in full detail. They were
expecting the Cardinal Patriarch that day, and they needed the instrument more
than ever. An organist lent them an harmonium for hire, but its tone «was so
high that their voices could not reach the notes and worst of all, it had no
transposes. So, «it cannot be said that they sang, rather they screeched enough
to drown out the Divine Majesty and they went on singing during Christmas
Day».
The writer ends her account of this incident by adding: «This did not
spoil our Sisters' desire to enjoy themselves; on the day after Christmas they
made a joyful pastoral song, making up verses to the sound of the water in the
organ, and so they fulfilled perfectly that saying: 'everything works toward
good to those who love God'» 1 0 8 .
At that time the community was composed of seventeen Religious who
had made their first vows, and a few Novices.
On the last day of that year two young women from Puentc Genii
entered the Institute. Their names were Josefa Varo and Am alia Bajo; the
latter would afterwards be called Maria de la Purisima, and in the course of
time she would play an important role in its history. So important that there
were even some people who, mistakenly of course, confused her with the
foundresses. For those who celebrated that Christmas in 1879 so joyfully there
was not the slightest danger. «What are the Porras sisters thinking of doing?» -
they had asked at the most critical moments - ^Wherever you go, we shall
go» 09 , had been the cry of them all before setting out on the last journey
before the establishment of the Institute b Madrid. During that pilgrimage
lasting nearly three years, the group had become so close to the foundresses,
experiencing deep communion of spirits, that all the successive approvals of the
Church had no more effect than to corroborate officially the stability which the
Institute had acquired b its short but btense period of life.
The Superior and her sister were especially content. The statutes which
108
PRECIOSA SANGRE, Chronicles II p. 494 ff.
109 Anon, contemporaneous account p. 2.
133 Part two: 1877-1887
had guided them, were now revised and in the Cardinal's hand. According to
reliable information he was ready to give definitive approval. And at every step
it was clear that the community was ready to go far beyond the demands of
legislation.
«See how good and how pleasant it is for brothers to live in unity* (Ps
132,1).
Truly the life of those first Handmaids was delightful, even though on
some days their meals consisted in walking round the vines in the garden, even
though at times their poverty was so great that the day began with no'more
than sixpence.
Chapter II
FIRST EXPANSION OF THE INSTITUTE (1880-1883)
The expansive strength of unity
The years that followed were an opportunity for Raphaela Mary - M.

Sacred Heart - to reveal in many ways the riches of her personality. We say
«reveal» because although it is undeniable that human progress of all kinds can
be seen in her throughout the years, it is no less certain that we do not see
abrupt changes in her life; all that is to blossom in these years - gifts of
character: firmness, constancy, courage, sweetness, understanding etc., and the
strictly supernatural gifts, all belong to the rich vein, the fundamental nucleus
of her person. A person in whom, as in very few, can be seen a continuity
throughout all stages of her life, and perfect coherence between basic principles
and their practice in life.
Mother continued to reside in Madrid, although she made some rapid
journeys, which always ended with the need to return to the capital. While M.
Pilar travelled through Spain in various directions, working for the material
expansion of the Institute, her sister was guiding that expansion from the first
house. She did this in different ways: sometimes by writing to Bishops of distant
dioceses, or by speaking to them; at other times by giving suggestions to M.
Pilar (a very interesting correspondence was kept up between the two). She did
not neglect the personal guidance of the Religious who were sent to new
foundations, and sometimes she gave them the joy of a rapid visit.
Another facet of M. Sacred Heart's activity was the formation of the
Novices. A good number of Religious entered the Institute who would be
fortunate enough to live their first years in direct contact with the foundress.
The expansive strength of the Institute, springing from deep unity of spirit, was
the basis of an extraordinary sense of fraternity between the houses. This can
only be explained if we keep in mind that the Superior, living in Madrid,
instilled into all the Religious the desire for universality, together with an
intuition by which they loved the family gifts of each individual community
within the greater community of the Institute and of the Church. One of the
first Religious said of her that «she was the heart because she formed the
hearts*. And this certainly was very true.
M. Sacred Heart's third task was to be her endeavours to obtain papal
approval of the Institute and of its Constitutions; a task transacted through
difficult procedures which tested her endurance and which reveal to us a
woman both determined and prudent, capable of maintaining social
relationships, and with sufficient discretion not to waste her efforts; aware of
128 Part two: 1877-1887
the need to adapt to the culture or condition of different persons Finally she
was a person who did not hesitate in face of difficulties, without trying to
hasten events. Her efforts at this task were finally crowned with success- the
Institute received the Decretum Laudis on 24th January 1886, and the decree
of approbation the following year, in what might be considered record time if
we compare the time of trial with that imposed on other religious congregations
m the last century1.
For M. Sacred Heart these three great chapters of activity were not
isolated efforts which divided up her life. They were all concurrent not only
chronologically but in their mutual relationship. We would not be able to
understand her great desire to obtain the approval of the Holy See if we did
not know that in some dioccses there were difficulties about the Institute being
accepted. We would not appreciate sufficiently her sense of universality if we
did not realise how much the very life of the Congregation impelled her to
spread to other cities. And besides, this was demanded by the Holy See as a
guarantee of stability. Neither would we understand the solid formation which
she gave to each one of the Novices if we did not realize that the development
of the Institute and the demands of the foundations obliged her to express
concretely the ideal of self-giving which she herself had been living for years
«The town in which this Institute began»
«As the number of Religious in this Congregation has increased,

and most of the Sisters are daughters of the town and diocese of
Cordova which Your Eminence so worthily rules, they desire to
found HI their own country a daughter house of this Congregation
canomcally established in this city and capital of Madrid, so that the
town which saw its origin may be the first to which this Institute
spreads in order to give glory to God by fulfilling its aims which are
adoration of the Blessed Sacrament, free instruction for poor children
and all that is contained in the Constitutions enclosed herewith*.
Thus wrote M. Sacred Heart to the Bishop of Cordova on 18th August

1880. The document, in spite of its official tone contains some touching
expressions: «that the town which saw its origin may be the first to which the
Institute is spread...* Yes, that was right. Some months before, Mgr Pozuelo
Bishop of the Canary Islands, had asked for a house of the Congregation to be
• 1 < ?° m p a r i S O f n w a s m a d e w i t h d a t e s for
obtaining the Decretum laudis of 12 Institutes founded
in the latter half of 19th century.
C.2. First expansion of the Institute 129
opened on the islands. He had had to give up the idea. But, in Cordova this
was different. With a foundation in this town, a dramatic episode would be
closed definitely in peace and with all in good friendship. The families and their
acquaintances supported the Sisters from Cordova; especially those priests who
had suffered so much through the misunderstandings of previous years. And in
his own way - rather stiff and reserved - Fray Ceferino was calling for them
too, and he must have had great desires to show them his kindness. Finally,
their own land was calling them; not simply as the natural home of most of
those who belonged to the Congregation - ^daughters of the town and diocese
of Cordova* - but because most of them had property in the capital or in the
province which was difficult to administer from a distance.
Before proceeding to the foundation, the foundress asked for
permission from the Cardinal of Toledo, because the Congregation was of
diocesan right and depended on him. He advised them that when they wrote
to the Bishop of Cordova they should state that they were canon ically
established in Madrid, with their statutes definitively approved in that diocese.
Their past difficulties warned them to act with great prudence, being careful
not to take a false step. They were ready to give up hope of any foundation
rather than endanger the spirit and rules of the Congregation.
M. Pilar and M. Maria de San Ignacio went to Cordova in September
to take the first steps. The latter was a sister of Jos6 Maria Ibarra, a priest
highly esteemed by Fray Ceferino.
As soon as they arrived in the town they went to see the Bishop. M.
Pilar stood in awe of that prelate; so much so that she could not speak a word
the first time she saw him after the events of February 1877. (And she was not
what would be called timid; she was used to speaking to all kinds or people).
But this time, all went well. The result of the interview was described in a letter
from the Vicar General to M. Sacred Heart: «Everything is settled now, and
the Bishop is overjoyed, "ask and you shall receive". The Society to direct you?
Granted. A house at once, with daily exposition? Done. Full liberty for
everything in the rules of your Institute and for your favourite children and
your spoiled ones? So be it. I don't think he could do more* 2 .
As a mark of good will the diocese offered them the old parish church
of St. John of the Knights, built upon the site of one of the small mosques from
the time of the caliphate. The interior of the church bore no remembrance of
its Islamic origin, and later restorations had obliterated all signs of medieval
styles. But the exterior still had its soaring tower, the minaret of the old
mosque. In any case the gift of the ehurch was a great thing. There was no
question about a possible site for their dwelling. They would rent the only
on
Letter from D. Camilo de Palau to M. Sacred Heart, 1st October 188G.
130 Part two: 1877-1887
building adjoining the church of St. John. Even though it was small and ugly,
it could be extended with time by the acquisition of neighbouring houses.
When M. Sacred Heart received this news, she marvelled no less than
her sister at the Bishop's attitude. M. Pilar wrote: «I have just come from the
palace with my face scarlet at finding the Bishop acting like a kind father to us.
I have seen him, and I cannot believe it. The same with the Vicar General and
even with the relations; I am amazed ... The Bishop invited himself to go and
look over the house; and he said this so kindly and cheerfully that I was
amazed* 3 . The two foundresses were well acquainted with the district in which
the house in Cordova was going to be founded. Ram6n Porras and their aunt
Isabel had their houses on the same square. But, besides that, the church must
have brought back unforgettable memories to M. Sacred Heart: when she was
fifteen, still almost a child, she had made a vow of perpetual chastity there.
For persons who have lived through so many adventures together, a
separation meant at least sweet pain. M. Pilar so fond of biblical comparisons,
encouraged their farewells by mentioning with good humour the sacrifice of the
Maccabees and that of their mother. To the Superior she said «I ask you to
commend yourself to the mother of the Maccabees, and those who arc coming,
to her sons. Make this sacrifice willingly, for we are children of saints, and this
land is rich in them, or it was»4. Actually they were all ready to go to Cordova,
and to hand over to those who were going, everything that might be useful. The
five destined for the foundation arrived on 16th October. M. Pilar met them at
the station, and took them at once to what was going to be their home: «It is
a great contrast to our beautiful Novitiate house which we have just left, in
spite of the white-washed walls and the cleanliness which reigns, thanks to the
work of our pioneer Sisters; its old doors and windows painted green, most of
them with holes that foretell a cold temperature next winter...; its rooms with
such low ceilings that we can touch the rafters in some of them 5 . In spite of
this, which is of least importance, the most perfect joy abounds, although
sometimes we think lovingly of our dear superior and our absent sisters*6.
The five religious who arrived from Madrid were very well chosen by
that «mother of the Maccabees*. The Vicar General wrote: «The six Sisters are
models, not only for us, poor priests, but even for the Jesuit Fathers, who are
not by any means, babes in spiritual life. When I said to Fr. Cermeno "Father,
we are living with saints", he has answered me more than once: "That is true;
those young women put us to shame; if wc are not saints, we should fear we
3
Letter 6th October 1880.
4
Letter of 5th October 1880.
Diary of the house in Cordova p. 3.
6
cf. l e t t e r from M. Mana de Santa Teresa to M. Sacred Heart, 17th October 1880.
shall be condemned, because we have a constant example before our eyes of

what we should do to become saints"*7.
In a letter to her sister, M. Pilar said: «The Sisters could not behave
better; they are so pleasant to deal with that they have aroused great
enthusiasm* 8 . Those happy Sisters had some good supporters; that is true! The
two foundresses vied with each other in speaking well of them. M. Sacred
Heart wrote to the Vicar General of the diocese of Cordova:
«I cannot End words to express my gratitude for your great

goodness and kindness towards my dear Sisters. It is only for love of
the Sacred Heart of Jesus that this separation can be borne, and so I
feel as grateful to those who are good to them as if it were done to
myself. Although this is the first time I have the honour of writing to
you, I am going to ask for a favour: to continue to give them your
protection. Pardon this liberty; it is due to the love I have for them in
Our Lord. I have not forgotten them for one moment since we
separated. We love each other so much and so truly, and they have
been so good to me, that nothing I do for them bears any
comparison* 9 .
The Vicar General himself celebrated the first Mass in the community
oratory on 21st October ... «I am writing to you today to tell you that the Vicar
General was delighted. • I know that the Sisters will give you details of the
celebration, which when we think of past events, is a real miracle* wrote M.
Pilar to M. Sacred Heart 10 . And one member of the community wrote: «I
cannot let this day go by which has been so glorious for us in every way. I shall
not go into details, because I do not know how to explain them ... I only say
that my heart is overflowing with joy and delight... Sr. Pilar - what shall I say? -
has become a real Mother general and a most humble Sister. God is all about
her. The Vicar General celebrated the Mass and my brother assisted; and Don
Agustin, Don Ramon and his daughter and Manuela were present, and now
several people are visiting Our Lord, they are well-known for their goodness
and friendship with us* 11 .
There was another outstanding witness: Fr. Jose Maria Ibarra, brother
of M. Maria de San Ignacio, and the past director of the foundresses: «It seems
7
Letter from D. Camilo de Palau to M. Sacred Heart, 30th October 1880.
8
9
Letter begun on 21st, ended on 22nd October 1880.
11
I Jitter from Ma. de S. Ignacio to M. Sacred Heart, 22nd October 1880.
132 Part two: 1877-1887
like a dream to me. I cannot leave home or return without passing and seeing
the house of your good daughters and my dear sisters in Christ. We should not
take a step without saying Thank God»n. He noted the date in his diary with
a comment in keeping with his modest character: «... Don Ram6n Porras and
his daughter were present, and Manuela Calero the portress. I was there too
with these at the door of the chapel ... At 8.29 the Blessed Sacrament was
exposed. Fr. Camilo exposed the Blessed Sacrament, and the first Sisters made
their adoration - Sr. San Ignacio and Sr. San Jos6» 13 .
Naturally the care of that community was given to M. Pilar, although
everyone still considered M. Sacred Heart the Superior of the Institute. Deep
and frequent fraternal communication helped to create a family atmosphere
which maintained unity between the two houses.
The official appointment of M. Pilar took place the next month,
November. Before that, she told her sister of some difficulties which might
arise if she were appointed: «... I do not refuse any charge, but I am afraid I
might be disedifying with my strong temperament, as Superior, even if it were
only temporary, in just one day I might upset some Sisters and it could have
a bad effect. Besides they would dislike me, and that would be the worst of all,
because all the well-being of the house would disappear* 14 .
Nevertheless there was no one else more suitable. Everyone who dealt
with her at this time became aware of her good qualities. «She should have
been born a diplomat, she knows so well how to manage affairs* 15 . «If you
could see how patiently she has borne the mishaps and trials involved in the
works, how prudently she has taken my remarks and the little consideration I
have shown* 16 . The man who wrote this also knew M. Pilar's shortcomings,
and he pointed them out to her: «As I know that you like me to tell you your
defects, I am going to mention one that not I, but the Vicar General has seen;
he said: 1. You stick to your opinion firmly, and even though you give in, you
soon contradict a lot... 2. You are not very prudent, in your simplicity you speak
when you should be silent; and he told me that this makes him afraid to speak
to you, because he thinks that without realising it you might let the Bishop
know who is giving you advice, and this could be harmful for the one who
speaks to you and for the work of the foundation. ... I write down just what he
said, without worrying if it will hurt you, or if you will like it. In God's mercy,
12
Letter to M. Sacred Heart, 22nd October 1880.
Extracts from a diary preserved in the Archives of the Handmaids.
14
Letter to her sister, 23rd October 1880.
15
Letter from Fr. Camilo de Palau to M. Sacred Heart, 26th March 1881.
16
Letter from the same, 12th January 1881.
with good intelligence go over this, and if it is true, correct it» 17 .

M. Pilar's defects were far from casting any shadow on her good
qualities as far as those first Handmaids were concerned. In Cordova as well
as in Jerez, in the houses where she was Superior during this first stage, she
was greatly loved by each community. Although the Sisters acknowledged that
she had a lively character, which could even be stormy on occasion, they saw
that this was balanced by great understanding. Only from a heart as
affectionate as hers could the following words pour out: «You do not know
what we have in this house, that is in the Congregation. This can be seen from
afar quite calmly... If you knew the value of our love! I think it is the most
pleasing thing in God's eyes; I mean the affection in our community. Those
who have written to me have given me great pleasure, because I was longing
for news from there; and I say today more warmly than ever that this work
calls for all the faculties which God has given me... I offer to God the desire
to speak to all of you, especially to the Sisters of vows; but you are all in my
heart, and this suffices in spite of everything...*18.
For the members of the Congregation M. Pilar was one of the two
foundresses; she became the natural complement of her sister who was the
Superior deeply loved by all.
Towards definitive approval
On 27th February 1880 the definitive approval of the statutes granted

by Cardinal Moreno was received in the house in Obelisk Parade:
«These rules of the Congregation of the Reparatrice Sisters of the

Sacred Heart of Jesus have been examined by our orders, and
according to the report we have received thay contain nothing which
is not appropriate for the attainment of religious perfection and of the
ends proposed, hence we agree to approve them, and we approve them
definitively, and we order the Superior and Religious of this pious
Institute to keep and fulfil them, and to see that they are observed and
fulfilled in each and everyone of their parts*.
The Cardinal was encouraging them to «observe and fulfil the rules*.
In fact they did not need great exhortations because each one possessed within
herself a stimulus which urged her to be faithful: the strength which St. Ignatius
17
Letter to M. Pilar, 24th October 1880.
1ft
Letter to M. Sacred Heart, 19th September 1878.
141 Part two: 1877-1887
calls «the interior law of charity* which gives meaning to the precepts of the
external law19. «May you go forward on the road you have begun with joy and
a large heart, because the Sacred Heart of Jesus, to whom you have handed
over yourself for ever, is very great and filled with infinite love for the salvation
of souls and the glory of his Eternal Father. Take great care of the Novices and
of all your good daughters, and train them well in observance of the Rule, and
may they be happy and contented*. This was Fr. Cotanilla's recommendation
to the Superior in a letter of 15th June of that year. Joy and largeness of heart
they all had. They had all shown their love for the rules also. And now, for love
of the rules and the Institute M. Sacred Heart was going to strive to obtain the
approval of the Holy See.
One of the deepest loves of the two foundresses was that which they
always professed for the Church; a love which was often shown in interest for
ecclesial works and for the multitude of children of God throughout the world,
called to form one great family. That love was also filial attachment, deep
veneration for the church hierarchy, for the person of the Vicar of Christ in
whom they saw Christ himself. In the statutes approved by Cardinal Moreno
there was a final note in which M. Sacred Heart, in the name of the whole
Institute, professed obedience to the holy Church: «This humble Congregation
of Servants of Reparation to the Sacred Heart of Jesus, both those who
compose it at present, and those who will form part of it in future, are and all
protest that they are, with divine grace, obedient daughters of our holy Mother
the Church, Catholic, apostolic and Roman, and of the Vicar of Jesus Christ
on earth ...». The paragraph went on in a rather flowery style, but made the
principal idea very clear. Although this note was most probably the work of
Fr.Cotanilla, it evidently reflects the typical attitude towards the Church of the
two foundresses. The Superior would say quite rightly some time later:
«...There is something missing in the Institute for all the Religious because it
is not blessed by the Holy Father. His blessbg is worth so much, and we love
him so much!* And on another occasion about that time: «What happiness
on the day when this dear Mother blesses more than she has ever done
before!* .
On this point M. Pilar's thoughts were the same as hers. Innumerable
examples could be quoted in proof of this 22 . But more important than all was
the desire, which they expressed so insistently, to hasten the business of
obtaining papal approval for the Institute.
19
Constitutions, 134.
20
U t t e r to Fr. Manuel Pirtz of the Mother of God, 23rd October 1881.
Letter to the Bishop of Santander, Vicente Calvo y Valero, Match 1881.
One of these is told by M. Pilar in a letter to M. Sacred Heart 9th December 1877.
Deeply convinced of the need for this, and sharing the same idea as
her sister, M. Sacred Heart began negotiations on 21st November 1880. On that
day, three and a half years after their establishment in Madrid, a petition
addressed to Pope Leo XIII was presented to the Papal Nuncio, Mgr. Bianchi.
How easy the approval seemed then! She did not remember then what
one of the first Handmaids had said of Rome: «Everything generally takes a
long time». In this case the petition did not even leave for Rome at once. The
Nuncio asked Mother for a copy of their plan of life; and then Christmas came.
In Cordova M. Pilar was reminded at every step of the need for approval, and
she was living in fear that Fray Ceferino might attempt to make some change
in the Institute, so she wrote on 19th December: «Let me know when the rules
will be sent so that we may pray hard to God, and our friends, who are very
good, may do the same* 23 . But the festival days caused a delay in the
business. In the Nunciature, and in Obelisk Parade as in St. John's Square,
there had to be rejoicing to commemorate the birth of Christ. There was no
time to be thinking of approval or of rules.
The Nuncio returned the statutes on mid-January 1881. Fr. Cotanilla
handed them in to the house in Obelisk Parade. He was rather worried because
some corrections had been added. But the Foundress was still more worried,
and she called her sister at once; she went to Madrid on 23rd January. The two
sisters studied the matter with the Jesuit, who in his turn did the same with the
Nuncio; and the result of these «top level* talks was that the modifications
were reduced to a minimum 24 .
On 14th February Fr, Cotanilla arrived in Obelisk Parade with a new
message: the Nuncio said that they must have a report from Cardinal Moreno
and the Bishop of Cordova. M. Sacred Heart was not surprised; they had
already thought that this would be needed. The first thing to do was to write
to M. Pilar who had returned to Cordova immediately after the meeting in
which they had revised the statutes with Fr. Cotanilla. «You may show the
Bishop the copy I sent you from the Nuncio's Secretary, because there are the
clarifications of the parts underlined by Him in the Rule... Make sure and find
out if he wants anything added. Note the last point which deals with spiritual
direction; see how well it is written,..*25. They were very busy in Cordova with
the inauguration of the Church. But in spite of everything M. Pilar did not
forget that the rules were of first importance. So much so that she was
continually repeating it in her letters, and it seemed that she was afraid that
23
Letter to her sister.
24
All the details of this affair are recorded in the Diary of the Madrid House and in the
correspondence between the sisters.
25
Letter 15th-16th February 1881,
136 Part two: 1877-1887
insufficient interest was being given to the matter. It is not surprising that M.
Sacred Heart, from Madrid, stressed in her turn: «Make quite sure ... find out
...» .
Each Foundress was busy with the affairs of her own community; they
both had the same concern for obtaining approval and for the preliminary
negotiations. While they were thinking of the reports which might be given by
the Bishops, they were occupied with the thousand and one details of daily life:
the colour of the chasubles, the embroidery on the albs, the fruit from the
orchard, the haste or tardiness of the workmen in the church, the postulants'
clothing and the times of the trains from Cordova to Madrid. They took loving
carc of the spiritual and corporal health of the young Sisters, and were aware
of their state of mind: «Manuela has a good voice, but she sings through the
nose; she is being trained now. She is more wide-awake and more expressive*,
thus wrote M. Sacred Heart on one occasion; and again: «Maria de San
Francisco is singing with all her heart again; she did it very well today, but I do
not trust her far». Comments no less lively and full of intuition arrived in
Madrid in letters from M. Pilar: «Raphaela is holding on, but she is hurt and
trembling; we'll see how far she goes*. «Thc one from Padura is good, but very
gushing and rather romantic; we shall see*. «The church is the joy of Cordova,
and M. Assistant is singing very well. The people are thrilled with everything,
especially the young ones who say the old ones can go to San Hip6Iito and the
young ones here ...» The letters are a mixture of important matters and trifles,
revealing a very simple community structure and a still simpler style of
government, and above all the deep harmony of spirit, in which they share
everything, not in answer to any external pressure, but in a natural, spontaneous
expression of the heart.
Attention to detail did not cause them to forget the wide interests of
the Institute discussed in connection with approval. On 19th February 1881 M.
Pilar wrote: «We went to the palace today, and the Bishop was quite jovial; he
kept the statutes and the letter 27 . Everything seems to be going weU; ... let us
pray and everything will be all right*. Then a few days later: «After worrying
us a bit, when I thought he was joking, the Bishop gave me the enclosed which,
as you will see, could not be better, except for the last bit, which I am afraid
to oppose. Write to him as soon as possible, courteously and gratefully, it
deserves it ... I dare not ask for a change in the last or penultimate paragraph
because he would tear it up and would do nothing. So, it is best to leave
ourselves in the hands of Providence...* 28 .
107
U
IbuL
27
Referring to the letter written by M. Sacred Heart a few days before
L^ter of 23rd February 1881.
The Foundresses were afraid of Fray Ceferino's outbursts, but his

report was the first to arrive at the house in Obelisk Parade. Afterwards the
Bishop of Segorbe, an old acquaintance from the seminary in Cordova, gave his
report and then the Bishop of Ciudad Real. On 30th March the report from the
Cardbal arrived. There was great consolation because the Institute was given
the highest praise. And it was not just vain words. The recently consecrated
bishop of Segorbe wanted a foundation m his diocese at all costs: «very willing
to take us to Segorbe to establish the Forty Hours in our church in case it is
not in that place already* 29 . The most tardy bishop was Mgr. Sancha
auxiliary of Madrid: «The rules have not gone to Rome yet because the
Auxiliary Bishop has not sent in his report, although we have asked for if he
says it is through lack of time* 30 .
Finally, when they had all the commendatory letters, the documents
were sent to Rome: «... The documents are in Rome now. I have written to D.
Isidro asking him to remind the person in Rome to hurry up; and if he thinks
fit, to give him whatever is suitable* 31 . Don Isidro was Don Antonio Ortiz
Urruela's brother, and the "person in Rome" was Mgr. Agustln Boccafoglia,
assistant auditor of the Sacred Congregation of Bishops and Regulars.
When the latter began on the work he warned them that it would take
a long time. At least one year, he said; and after that they would not receive
definitive approval. Shortly after this Fr. Manuel P6rez of the Mother of God,
a religious who had been confessor to the community in Obelisk Parade'
arrived m Rome; this was mid-June 1881. Fr. Manuel P6rez took to Rome hii
own mterest in the Institute, reinforced by M. Sacred Heart's recommendation
as well as those of Fr. Cotanilla and the Nuncio. His mtervention succeeded in
getting the document recorded in the archives of the Sacred Congregation on
2nd July.
If the foundresses had seen the size of the archives and the amount of
documents thereto perhaps they would have lost hope of a speedy settlement
In some way their ignorance in these matters was helpful. But rather than by
ignorance, they were sustained more by a determination which might have been
called stubbornness if it were not simply faith in the vocation and mission of
the Institute, and love for the Church. Fr. Manuel P£rez himself wrote to them
about this time: «God grant that your fervour and good spirit are so deeply-
rooted m you all that they become the characteristic, distinguishing mark of
your institution. Take care of that, establish it well, hold on to it at all costs and
God will look after you, he will increase and prosper you and give you the
29 Letter from M. Pilar to her sister, 11th March 1881.
Letter from M. Sacred Heart to her sister, 3rd May 1881.

31
Ibid. 9th June 1881.
138 Part two: 1877-1887
Church's approval* 32 .
Inauguration of the church in Cordova
St. John's Church was in ruins. It needed repairs which necessarily

would cost a great deal of time and money 33 . In spite of that it was a good
gift from Fray Ceferino.
«It seems to be God's will that St. John's should be for us ... The
Bishop told Fr. Cermeno today, and he told me it is certain; so we
only need the contract for the house. I love St. John's, first of all
because it means having a church, and otherwise there is no knowing
when we would have one; secondly, because of the site, which is the
best in Cordova; and thirdly, because this is a proof of the Bishop's
feelings. Besides, I have an idea of how to arrange it; it will be
beautiful. I think of closing the aisles on the two sides as far as the last
arch but one, because they are narrow; then it would be in the form
of a cross...* .
Most of the letters written by M. Sacred Heart to Cordova at this time

have been lost, but we are well aware of the concern of the Superior of the
Institute for this foundation. «I received your letters, and yesterday the box
came with all its contents, and it gave us a very good recreation. I have written
to you too*. M. Pilar wrote this to her sister on 27th October. It is not
surprising that there were no archives in a house not yet completed, nor was
there time even to think of preserving letters which now seem precious to us
but which then were considered unimportant. But from M. Pilar's letters we are
able to guess the contents of those from her sister. There was complete
harmony between the two, which unfortunately was broken later on.
"The two parcels of goods arrived, and in one of them was the note
in which you ask me for the measurements for the canvas for the
Sacred Heart of Jesus... The censer and incense boat are beautiful!
The Vicar General is very pleased that the house in Madrid helps this
one, and he encourages it. I met Him yesterday about the picture, and
so I sent him the censer to look at. He does not understand our spirit
32
Letter to M. Pilar, 2nd September 1881.
33 v. Diary of the Cordova House p. 12.
34
Letter from M. Pilar to M. Sacred Heart, 13th November 1880.
because he is used to the old type of nuns* 35 .
Not much imagination is needed to see that this letter presumes a

perfect understanding between the two communities. And, above all,
extraordinary generosity on the part of M. Sacred Heart who followed the
progress of the new house with the greatest interest and love. That «fratcrnity
such as we read of among the first Christians* was the greatest treasure of the
early members of the Institute, and both surprised and edified the churchmen
of the Curia in Cordova.
It is a pity that we cannot quote these letters in their entirety; they are
so homely, and show such mutual trust and a deep sense of unity between the
members of the Congregation.
«I am sorry to give you so much trouble, and to burden you with

expense and business; but, what can I do? The Sisters say that I should
not go away from here, especially as I get on well with the Bishop -
but I find that very difficult, because one has to understand him, and
surely only God can do that ... Besides, it is expensive to be coming
and going ...
What I want you to do is order the picture of the Sacred Heart of
Jesus to be made there. I am sending the measurements. It must be
very beautiful so as to increase devotion and help these poor people
forget their awful pictures ... A fortunate corner you have; you don't
know what you have; but may God's will be done* 36 .
In spite of everyone's efforts the church was not ready by Christmas.

Thinking back to the feast days of other years, M. Pilar wrote: «May you all
enjoy yourselves very much and be very joyful so as to please Jesus. Here we
shall be praying that you may please Him very much, and you do the same for
us... The church is making good progress, and everyone is very happy* 37 .
In January 1881 the final touches were being completed: «The Bishop
was here on Saturday. I think he really likes us. He saw the work, and liked
everything without exception... The work is now finishing, but the painting has
stopped on account of the weather. This is the only reason why it cannot be
inaugurated on the feast of the Purification. I would like it on that day because
it is our anniversary*38.
35
Letter of 9th November 1880.
36
30th November 1880.
37
17th Dec. 1880.
•lfi
Letter of 17th January 1881-
140
Part two: 1877-1887
The last minute difficulties - chiefly the delay in painting on account

of the winter dampness - nearly delayed the ceremonies. Just by chance it
seemed that the most likely date would be 6th February. This would have been
a strange and awkward coincidence, because it was on a 6th February that
circumstances had obliged the community of San Roque to depart for Andujar
That was four years ago, but all who took part were still living and they had
good memories. M. Pilar alludes to this in a letter of 23rd January; « I am
going to see if the inauguration could be on 2nd; the 6th would not do; it would
seem like a punch in the face. If you were here you would think the same*
As they were used to hurrying things up, they managed to move ail
obstacles and to convince the workmen that it was possible to finish for the
feast of the Purification. On 31st January M. Pilar, against her usual custom
wrote only a few lines: «I can hardly write. There is such a muddle, sufficient
to make one mad. There are workmen of every kind in the church, and I have
to go to the Bishop's residence now... Pray that we may be pleasing to God in
every way and may not offend him during these days, because I am afraid
because of the fuss and then my temper*.
The church was inaugurated on the feast of the Purification, 2nd
February 1881. And this feast was an anniversary: four years before the six
senior Novices should have made their vows on this feast of Our Lady D
Camilo de Palau wrote to M. Sacred Heart: «A perfect feast and an immense
joy if you had been present. That is the only thing which diminished my joy
which could not have been greater. How generous is Jesus, and how delicate''
He has returned day by day as much joy as he allowed bitterness in order to
try you on the day of the Purification four years ago. How Christ supports his
own; a n y h o w true it is that anyone who is humbled by Him will be
exalted!* One of the religious also contrasted the situation with that of four
years before: «li seems as if God Our Lord wanted the same churchmen to be
ruling when we returned to Cordova as when we left and they sent us away so
that whenthey accepted us again it would be a public proof justifying our past
Difficulties with the Bishop
They still had some causes for alarm with the Bishop: Fray Ceferino
did not fully understand some aspects of their way of religious life, although he
was very fond of the Sisters. This time the greatest danger was in the part of
39 Letter written on 2nd February 1881

107
M. MARTI RES, Account of the foundation in Cordova.
the Church set apart for the Sisters, which in Cordova as in Madrid, was in the
centre of the church in full view of the public. M. Pilar even began to fear a
break with him similar to that of four years previously. M. Sacred Heart was
alarmed too, and she even thought of making a journey to Cordova. But finally,
after a discussion with Fr. Cotanilla, she sent a very expressive telegram to her
sister: «Calm, prayer, wait and see». In fact the Bishop's hints, and that is all
they were, touched upon a very important point of the Institute. The Religious
were supposed to recite the Office and to take part in the celebration of the
Eucharist in view of the people because Eucharistic worship held a deep
apostolic dimension for them. The community in Cordova, just like that in
Madrid, and like all those which were to be founded later, considered that the
witness of an attitude of prayer of the whole group before the Eucharist was
an essential part of their mission. «Everyone, and this is true, is greatly edified
by tbe reverence in the choir, and we think that is why the church is so
attractive. There is such great recollection there that one wants to cry when
looking down from the high choir at benediction time to see so many men,
priests and devout ladies all very reverent ...»41. «They are really enthusiastic
about our church, and no priest is against it* 42 .
Their fears did not materialise, but they went through some
unpleasantness. When referring to this, M. Pilar, writing amusingly to one of
the Sisters in Madrid said: «... Tell that fervent Novice who prayed for crosses
for this house, that it would be a different matter if she had to put up with
them. Tell her not to be so generous with other people's patience, but we
forgive her for everything provided sbe succeeds in getting our work to
thrive* 43 .
There were also some other ups and downs with the Bishop. He did
not want any young girl from Cordova to be admitted to the Institute without
first being examined by him. That was no small hindrance because the aspirants
disliked that trial which was more than a formality. «... He wants them to stay
here until he knows and approves them himself; then, wben they take tbe habit
they can go; and other annoying things ... The other day be started on Fr.
Cermeno who told him that it is in the Novitiate that we find out those wbo are
going to be any good; and be said a few other things, for the Bishop had told
him that Father is only the confessor; he, the Bishop is the director and we are
under him. I am playing my cards as well as I can, and we manage; but as I
said, with some troubles* 44 . «Our postulants were ready to depart wben word
41
Letter from M. Pilar to M. Sacred Heart, 10th Feb. 1881.
42
Ibid. 23rd Feb. 1881.
43
Letter to M. Maria de Jesus, 23rd February 1881.
44
Letter from M. Pilar to M. Sacred Heart, 19th June 1881.
142 Part two: 1877-1887
came from the Bishop that they are not to go away from here for two months.
1 am going through a lot a this moment. I am going to the palace tomorrow,
and we'll see if we can settle this as we have done before... If I don't become
a saint with all this I don't know when I shall be» 45 . Another order from the
Bishop was still harder: he forbade Holy Communion some days of the week.
According to a rather widespread opinion of the time, he considered it too
much to receive Holy Communion every day.
The community's fervour and their spirit of obedience made it possible
for them to maintain a good relationship with a Bishop who did, on the other
hand, desire with all his heart the greater good of the religious. Besides, their
past history had accustomed them to see all difficulties with a supernatural
outlook, «... The greater the contradictions the better will God show his power,
... there is a good motive here for becoming saints, and that is the only thing
I beg of you. If the work is good, God has not a spirit of destruction, but rather
of solidity*. Thus wrote M. Pilar, expressing an idea which she held all her
life 46 . It must also be stated that some of Fray Ceferino's desires were rather
out of place. And this was acknowledged by persons not involved in the conflict,
such as Fr. Manuel Pdrez, Rector of the Pious Schools in Madrid. «Don't be
disheartened when you have your difficulties with the Bishop and other persons
Lift up your hearts to God and believe that everything is ordered and arranged
by Him; creatures are his instruments; this will give you peace*. He said this
in a letter to M. Pilar who naturally needed it for her own guidance and it was
the same type of exhortation she gave to the Sisters. In that letter Fr, Perez
made a truly consoling statement: «Be sure that with that holy hunger and
thirst for perfection which by God's mercy is animating you all, that new-born
work will grow and develop. There will be vocations, because souls who want
to give themselves to God are seeking for the most perfect way; and there will
be foundations, requests will come from many places. So, you go on working
on that solid basis, great perfection. God, in His own time, will do the r e s t * .
Roots of a problem
The personal relationship between the two sisters continued in an

atmosphere of mutual love and trust, although in their letters of this time we
do sometimes find small and great roots of the problem which would later
become a tremendous cross. In fact, when M. Sacred Heart took on being
45
Ibid. 21st June 1881.
46
47
Letter of 29th January 1882.
Superior with her sister as a subject she knew well that she would be open to
eontinual constructive eriticism, to say the least. Because M. Pilar in religious
life still retained the attitude of the elder sister, whieh deepened and widened
throughout the years.
The two sisters wrote to each other frequently - as much as two or
three times a week - and they spoke of everything, thus showing their desire to
preserve union in the Institute. Their letters also reveal their different
temperaments: M, Sacred Heart's letters are brief, clear and concise; M. Pilar's
are long, sometimes flowery, frequently sprinkled with picturesque and touching
details. Love for the Congregation is common to both, but in M. Pilar it is
mixed with excessive worry about her sister's management. The Superior of
Cordova made too many suggestions to the Superior of Madrid: «Why don't the
Novices write to their families?*... «I would like the Rule to go to Rome at
onee»... «I would like you to save up so that you could send vestments for the
foundation to the Vicar General; he would be very pleased with that». «I want
Maria de San Estanislao to come 48 , but I would not like her to leave there
because I think there must always be someone who tries our patience ... So,
think before you get rid of the cross; but take, note, I'm saying nothing; the
Father will see better ...» «Did you write to Antonio? We cannot expect better
behaviour in our family*.
These were all unimportant matters, but taken as a whole they at least
give the impression that the Institute was governed by two persons of equal
authority. Sometimes the elder sister's advice touched upon more important
matters, or she became more aware that her manner of writing bordered on
the insolent 49 . In sueh cases, M. Pilar always excused herself: «Don't think
that I was upset, no; you know that is my way of speaking...*50. Her free and
easy tone can be seen in all her letters; and in the subject of her advice too.
But what was a real danger was the interior attitude underlying all that. On one
occasion M. Pilar realised this, and she very humbly asked her sister for
pardon:
«I have written to you by today's post; but I am feeling sorry for the
laek of respect with whieh I wrote to you about Dona Angustias, and
1 want to ask pardon on my knees; and that is why 1 am writing to you.
I know that I am worse than anyone, and so probably the last in the
presence of God; but sometimes my vain, overbearing character is
48
M. Sacred Heart had decided on a change of house for this Sister in order to try to help
her; she was causing difficulties in the community.
jo
For an example see letter of 14th May 1881.
50
Ibid.
144 Part two: 1877-1887
impossible for me to control, and often I do not even realise it until

it has happened, because it has become natural to me» 51 .
This is an impressive accusation which reveals M. Pilar's best qualities

as well as her very real defects. She most surely wrote it, as she said, on her
knees. Although no one would see her in this posture, she felt the need then
and on other occasions, to express the real contrition of her heart with her
whole being.
The answer to this letter has not comc down to us, but we know M.
Raphaela Mary's great capacity for pardon; she showed it to extreme
throughout her whole life.
There was also much communication between the two foundresses
about some of the Sisters who confided in them both, and who sometimes
experienced difficult moments in their spiritual development. «I like N's letter;
it is humble, and agrees with you in everything. I am going to write to her, for
who is there with no weaknesses? Help her in her suffering; it would be awful
if anyone was timid or reserved with you...» M. Pilar wrote this about a
religious who was very fond of both foundresses 52 . Another time M. Pilar
herself encouraged a Sister in the community of Cordova to open her heart to
the Superior of Madrid; and she said to the latter: «You will see N's statement.
I prayed hard to Our Lord that she would make up her mind to speak to you;
she is doing so today in fear and trembling, for besides being naturally upset,'
she is afraid that you will not love her so much, and will not trust her in future!
I think you ought to write to her very kindly, be open with her, encouraging her
to be generous; for although there is imperfection shown in this fear, Rome
was not built in a day, and I know that it will disappear with God's graci which
is being poured out upon her as plentifully as ever; she is truly a soul all for
God and is very promising .. 5 3 .
M. Sacred Heart had been wanting for some time to pay a visit to
Cordova, and M. Pilar wanted it too. «... The Vicar General is excited about
the preparations for the feast of the Sacred Heart. He says that nothing will be
used until that day. I would like you and M. Assistant to come for this feast but
I feel sorry that the Sisters there would have to celebrate it alone. It would be
better on the feast of St. Ignatius and that Fr. Cotanilla should come. That is
what I think, that the three of you should comc, even though it costs
money...» . Mother Raphaela Mary decided to make the journey for the
51
U t t e r of 18th May 1881.
52
53
Utter, 23rd Aprii 1881.
54 Letter
> to M. Sacred Heart, 21st May 1881
feast of the Sacred Heart; neither Fr. Cotanilla nor M. Assistant were to go
with her, but M. Preciosa Sangre - the chronicler - and a Novice who she
thought, should leave the Novitiate and go to the house in Andalusia. She told
M. Pilar this a few days before, and in a letter of 19th June M. Pilar raised
some objections: «I am afraid that your coming would make things difficult for
us with the Bishop. You know that I have no time to be always grumbling,
neither do I like doing so, and I have not told you that he is constantly trying
us; and I think that if he saw you here he would say all he is thinking, which
means that he would give orders about everything as if he were in cbargc. He
would do what he has spoken to me about with regard to admissions. It is
unpleasant for me each time anyone asks for admission. What I say is that I
have to obey, and people are surprised when they do not go, yet from there
they are accepted... He will soon be going on a journey, and that would be a
good time. He would be offended if you did not see him ... Tell the Father this,
and do as you think best...» M. Sacred Heart did not think there was sufficient
reason to put off her journey, so she arrived in Cordova on 25th June. Perhaps
M. Pilar was not sure of the exact date of her arrival, which is noted carcfully
in the Diary of the house: «They arrived in Cordova on 25th, while Fr. Nicto
was preaching, and so they found the door locked*. They knocked and after
some moments M. Sacred Heart heard the Sister portress asking who it was;
before getting a reply she said she would have to get permission to open the
door because the community was in the chapel. Mother smilingly made herself
known, and before the Sister recovered from her delight, some neighbours in
St. John's Square recognised her and invited her to their houses.
M. Pilar's reaction was truly lamentable, as she herself acknowledged
afterwards. But at that moment she could not hide her displeasure, and after
a cold greeting she returned to the choir so that the community might not see
how upset she was55. M. Sacred Heart adopted an attitude in which she
became expert in later years: glossing over her sister's behaviour. But the joy
and surprise of all the Sisters could not erase completely the impression made
by that meeting. But, dear Lord, how much and how truly they loved her!
She stayed eight days in Cordova. She had to see so many new things
m the house! The church, the church of her vow of chastity; what was it like
now after the improvements which had cost so much time and effort? Then, to
see the possibilities for enlarging the part of the house used by the community,
and all the business connected with buying or renting neighbouring houses. She
had to deal with the numbers of vocations in «the town which had seen the
origin of the Institute ...*, «the outbreak of vocations here; they say it is all on
account of the church*, the Novices' families, the Jesuits who helped the
Diary of Madrid House p. 5 (typed copy).

146 Part two: 1877-1887
community ... and above all, the community itself, that group of young religious
whom she had trained with so much love.
M. Sacred Heart and her companion returned to Madrid at the
beginning of July. Her sister wrote her a letter on 4th of that month which was
an excuse and at the same time an almost subconscious admission of
repentance: «I think that I am the one who has felt most your departure, and
even more because I did not keep you here longer as I wanted; but to avoid
your seeing the Bishop 1 let you go ... On Saturday I went with Maria de S Jos£
to the palace, and all was well with the Bishop. It is true that wc did not touch
upon any of the things he is asking; when the occasion arises we'll see how we
get out of it... I gave him your regards and some excuses for your
departure...* . Much can be read between the lines: the general sorrow of
all the Sisters when M. Sacred Heart went away was a natural expression of
their love which had not diminished with distance. We see M. Sacred Heart's
behaviour on this occasion as on many others; she gave in and left Cordova
without greeting Fray Ceferino - the Bishop's illness was very convenient
according to M. Pilar who preferred them not to wait for his recovery. But, was
this the most opportune? It is not easy to affirm or to deny this. One thing
does seem certain: one of M. Pilar's limitations at this stage of her life, and
even for some years after, was her inability to see any other solution to a
problem once she had made up her mind on a matter.
M. Sacred Heart was a conciliator by instinct, and even more so by
virtue; this quality was to stand her in good stead in her life. When the moment
came she bade her sister goodbye in peace and without any ill will. She wrote
from Madrid on 10th July: «We were not tired and we did not arrive late; so
1 did not delay the taking of the habit for this little angel. God grant that she
may always be the same!» (She was referring to a very young postulant who
had entered the Novitiate with great recommendation from M. Pilar). «I am
thinking with much pleasure of that house and of the Sisters; I'll write to them
another day. I found them all very good* 57 . A few days later she said to
another person: «I was in Cordova for eight days last month. What a good
spirit there is in the house! Their church is beautiful; I think that Our Lord is
very happy there» 5s .
56
Letter of 4th July 1881.
57
Letter from M. Sacred Heart to M. Filar, 10th July 1881.
58 Letter to Carmen Gomez, 16th July 1881.
«Everything from Rome usually takes a long time ...»
The process for approving the rules was taking its course very slowly
in Rome. About 20th July Mgr. Boccafoglia, auditor of the Sacred
Congregation, asked Fr. Manuel P6rez for information on some points of the
Institute. Fr. P6rez replied at once:
«1. The two sisters Mary of the Sacred Heart and Pilar wanted at
first to be religious in a convent of strict observance. They were
directed by Fr. Urruela, and they sought to know God's will by living
holy lives. He suggested that they form this Congregation, and they
accepted with about twenty other young women directed by him...
They began in Madrid on 14th April 1877. 2. Their aim is adoration
in reparation and teaching poor children ...»
He added a few details about the vows and their style of enclosure,
which was «not papal», and ended by saying that the Congregation «with its
fervour and observance was growing and had had to open another house in
Cordova, and doubtless would spread rapidly*59.
Many thanks were due to Fr. Manuel Perez for his interest in giving
his report so promptly. But it is clear that there were many gaps in it, which
worried the Sacred Congregation. For example: How had the two sisters and
«the score of young religious directed by Fr. Urruela» come to establish
themselves in Madrid on 14th April 1877? For those priests in Rome this
question was a real problem, not mere historical curiosity. And there were a
great number of contradictory facts which the Sacred Congregation found
muddling - reports from Fray Ceferino, from the Reparatriccs, from other
persons but which had to be borne in mind when making their decision. The
result of this was that on 30th September a rescript was issued asking for more
details about the origin of the Institute, about its state of discipline at that
moment, about the personnel, about favours obtained from the Holy See etc.
On 8th October Fr. Manuel wrote a letter to M. Sacred Heart which must have
been a real surprise for her, and not exactly a pleasant one:
«Holidays for the Sacred Congregation began on 4th and will go on

until the middle of November. I went to see about our business on
3rd, and the Auditor, who is the one who deals with our case, says that
as there are so few houses and Sisters, the Institute is no more than
a small diocesan work, without sufficient guarantee of security for the
on
Copy by Fr. Lesmes Frias SJ. of the original of the Sacred Congregation.
148 Part two: 1877-1887
Holy See to intervene and sanction and approve its rules. For the
moment, before reporting to the council and before explaining these
reservations to you, he thinks it would be prudent:
1. To delay presenting the petition for the time being, until the
Institute
2. extends to eight or ten houses and
3. counts on more members, that is, on more than one hundred
Religious, so that you may obtain the approval of six or eight Bishops
who in their different dioceses affirm the good spirit and stability of
the institution.
4. Then, when you have become more widespread, you should ask
for approval of the work of the institution, explaining its aim, its works
and its means.
5. Later on the rules may be presented for approval, and they will
be approved for a specific time.
6. When the time of temporary approval has elapsed and the
stability of the Institute and suitability of the Rule confirmed, they will
be approved definitively.
7. The petition should state that the Institute owns a house with
sufficient income, especially the mother-house, so that in case of
suppression you have somewhere to go and means to live.
8. The rules should be extended more, and fill a book; they could be
taken from some approved Institute (this would facilitate approval),
adapting them to the new Congregation and making changes where'
necessary» .
The reading of this letter gave M. Sacred Heart food for thought
However disappointed she might be, this gave her the first detailed, logical
explanation of the steps to be taken to obtain approval for the Institute Now
she knew exactly what was needed. Besides, Fr. Manuel Pdrez added some
considerations which were wise and helpful:
«Don't be disheartened by this; go on with your work; God will

bless your efforts, and perhaps in time the grain of mustard seed will
become a great tree ... Will you allow me to offer my opinion? Not
advice, because I am not up to that, still less in a matter of such
importance: Without prejudice to your humility in thinking of yourself
only as a weak instrument, and God as the author of all good, I
believe that you should be thinking not of a little work but of a great
107
Letter from Fr. Manuel I'erc?, Sch. P., to M. Sacred Heart, 8th October 1881.
thing, and in meditation and in the furnace of prayer form your plan
and its development with the greatest possible detail. Of course it is
God's work to bring all this about, to attract vocations, from one
mother-house to make eight or ten or more; to assure all the material
means necessary, especially a house and income; but even in this there
is much work for the instrument chosen by God ... Working out the
Constitutions based on those you have already, is also a work of prayer
in the first place as well as the examination of many
Constitutions...* .
It is clear that she considered herself «a weak instrument*; but as an

instrument in God's hands she did not refuse the task. She read the letter with
an open mind, and also with a critical sense. Some points did not correspond
with the facts, and she mentioned this when she sent the report to her sister a
few days later:
«Enclosed is Fr. Rcctor's letter. 1 am thinking of writing to him

about some points of whieh he is not aware: 1. That we have the rules
of St. Ignatius adapted to ourselves. 2. That we own this house, and
we have means for our support apart from the dowries; and that we
are asking only for approval for some years*62.
And she did answer him. She did so in a very restrained letter which
not only replied to Fr. Manuel Perez3 report but also explained further reasons
for earnestly desiring to obtain papal approval:
«I am not discouraged by the difficulties which usually beset holy

works at the beginning; on the contrary, I am encouraged because they
are then seen to be marked with the divine seal, just like every work
of God, and just as this has been since its beginning.
We have rules adapted for ourselves: the Rules of St. Ignatius
Loyola, as stated at the end of the statutes, for our spiritual and
temporal guidance ... The aim of the work is stated in the same
statutes, as well as the means we have for our support, the works and
the practices to attain that aim, and which we are seeing by
experience, can be exercised with gentleness and discretion* 63 .
61
Ibid.
62
Letter of lith October 1881.
63
Letter of 23rd October 1881.
150 Part two: 1877-1887
Fr. Manuel P6rez had advised: «You must not forget that for these
priests your work of education carries great weight and is very valuable because
of the immediate good it can do; I mention this so that while you are thinking
and praying and meditating fervently on the development of your plan, you
should give teaching an important part* 64 . Mother replied very carefully,
making sure that Fr, Perez would see that teaching was already held in high
esteem in the Institute:
«We do not place education in second place; far from it. So true is
diis that there are religious who are qualified and experienced teachers
in order to see that the work is done with more perfection, and these
are teaching other religious who arc the most suitable. We have no big
schools yet, because they are very expensive here; but there will be,
God willing, in time. In Cordova they have schools now 65 .
That was true. Ever since they had had a place in Madrid which could
be used as a classroom they had been surrounded by children from modest
families whose parents begged for an elementary education for them. In
Cordova a fine work had been done so as to place the classes in one of the
naves of the church, completely separated from it. The term began that very
autumn and M. Pilar wrote of the the people's enthusiasm. Fr. Jose Ibarra, the
former director of the foundresses, wrote enthusiastically about the work of
catechesis which could be developed by means of the school.
Yes, M. Sacred Heart could assert without any exaggeration that they
did not consider education unimportant; but she surely kept the warning in
mind for the future development of the Institute.
Her letter to Fr. Manuel Pdrez continued by speaking about the
material possessions of the Congregation, about its people and about vocations:
«A very good spirit reigns in all; you know some of them, and those
who are entering are as good as the first ones. But we all feel that
something is missing in the Institute because it has not even received
the Holy Father's blessing. His blessing is worth so much, and we love
him dearly! Forgive me, Father, if I am indiscreet, but I am going to
beg you to do all you can to get that respected Fr. Boccafoglia to see
about obtaining it for us. Because I am sure that if we had this it
would be a great help towards the growth of the Institute, and even
more so if it were at least a Laudatory Decree as is given to all
64
Letter of Sth October 1881.
65
Letter of 23rd October 1881.
Institutes at the beginning. What makes me even more insistent is the

faet that we cannot have the Blessed Sacrament exposed at night until
His Holiness permits it. Another thing whieh breaks my heart on
account of the harm it may cause the Congregation: unless we are
approved by the Holy See the Bishops of each diocese may change our
way of life, which we know by experience is pleasing to God; they may
want to introduce innovations or make things difficult for us, as only
by a miracle did not happen in Cordova. We are eneouraged to make
this decision so as to have everything assured before founding any
other house; some Bishops are asking for us, among them the Bishop
of Saragossa, and the one of Santander, as you know, as well as the
Canary Islands and others* 66 .
Fr. Perez must have been impressed by this letter in whieh the
foundress explained with all simplicity the deepest sentiments of her heart. He
was confessor to the community, and had known and dealt intimately with the
Religious in Madrid; he could witness that everything she wrote was true:
everyone's «very good spirit*, their love for the Pope and their esteem for his
blessing, their difficulties with some Bishops... He also knew that the worship
of adoration was at the centre of M. Sacred Heart's life and that of her
companions, and consequently it was hard for them not to be able to organise
their adoration of the Eucharist in the way established by the Institute. In spite
of all this, he thought it would be very difficult to obtain approval, and he
smiled when he read that the Foundress begged his support in obtaining «at
least a Laudatory Decree such as is given to all Institutes at the beginning*.
Because without doubt in approving these Institutes the Holy See followed a
eomplete proeess, the first stage of which was that called the Deeretum Laudis;
but it was not usually given only four years after the foundation, as that holy
woman was so ingenuously asking. Yes, she was a holy woman, and she
expressed herself well, and her reasons obliged him to reconsider the situation.
The thought came to M. Sacred Heart that perhaps a journey to Rome
would be useful. Probably she would have started off; but in this as in
everything else she wanted her sister's opinion. Just feeling her way with her,
she said: «I am wondering if God wants you to manage it; as you did with the
house and everything. I don't say myself, because I am no good for these
affairs, and you would have to go to Rome. I am going to do what I said 67 ,
because that is what the Father advises, and then we shall see. I don't want this
on
66
Letter written to Fr. Manuel Perez, 23rd October 1881.
Referring to the points mentioned by Fr. Manuel Perez about rules of St. Ignatius.
152 Part two: 1877-1887
to be left in a corner and forgotten, as Fr. Boccafoglia mentions* 68 This

measured hint might seem exaggerated, but experience had convinced M
Sacred Heart that in order to maintain peace in the Institute M. Pilar should
be left to make her own suggestions, especially in external matters.
M. Pilar's reply to this point was very brief: «... As I am still hoping to
go to Madrid, we could talk about Rome then. I think the Rule should be
withdrawn, after letting His Eminence know, everyone thinks it is too soon to
apply for approval, even temporary* 69 .
Fr. Manuel Perez's reply took longer, but he wrote at length
commenting on M. Sacred Heart's letter of 23rd October:
«I have delayed answering you because 1 have been thinking out

ways and means of obtaining the Holy Father's blessing. I have been
speaking about this and we shall see how we can manage to get it I
will do what I can, but that may not be worth much! If only one of the
Bishops who know and appreciate you could come here now!
... I think your comment is very true: the rules are lengthy because
they contain everything essential to religious life; but as they are wordy
they are open to many different interpretations. But Mgr. Boccafoglia
said they are very short, and should be made more extensive. Besides
m practice, and practised with all possible perfection, they show that
they are well drawn up and contain all that is necessary for perfection.
It seems to me that in order to prevent the Bishops trying to change
omit or add to the rules, you should place at the beginning of ever^
copy, whether manuscript or printed, a copy of the approval given by
the Cardinal, and that of the auxiliary bishop, the Nuncio and the
other Bishops as you enter their dioceses, just as is done with the
Church's approval of printed works. Then the Bishops who see them
afterwards will think twice before changing what is approved by such
persons and is giving excellent results* 70 .
M. Sacred Heart must have been pleased that her letter had been
effective, although less so than she had hoped. By that time, December 1881
she had already seen M. Pilar who had gone to Madrid to deal with her sister
about various matters. They had both touched upon all the possibilities within
their reach at the moment: conversations with the nuncio; with the general
procurator of the Benedictincs who was going to Rome... And apart from these
68
69
70 Letter of I9th December 1881.
diplomatic approaches, they had decided to develop the Institute along the lines
suggested by Mgr. Boccafoglia and Fr. Manuel P6rez; an increase of vocations
and the foundation of new houses.
As for the first point: there were many young women ready to enter
the Novitiate in Madrid, and still more in Cordova. As for the second: petitions
from bishops were pouring in. And besides ... M. Pilar was pressing forward
with the house which was to be opened in Jerez de la Frontera. There was no
fear of failure; she was quite convinced and ready to convince anybody of the
urgent need for and the suitability of that new foundation.
Foundation in Jerez de la Frontera
In September 1881 Fr. Cermeno, M. Pilar's adviser and a great friend

of the house in Cordova, was appointed to Jerez. This move of the Jesuit was
the reason why the next foundation of the Handmaids was in that Andalusian
town. At the time Jerez de la Frontera was about as important as Cordova or
C£diz. Its world famous wine industry had given rise to an influential social
class, rich, cultured and powerful. «Very distinguished* people, as the
foundresses often said in their letters. This distinction of the people of Jerez
had its counterpart in the v<ist differences between rich and poor in the
arrogance and vanity of social relationships. As M. Pilar observed they were
«people who judged much by appearances*.
In this well populated Jerez, Saxon blood had mixed with Spanish, and
this mixture showed forth here and there in the surnames of the most famous
wine producing firms. It was also seen in Protestant propaganda, above all in
the poorest sector of the town which was very much in need of religious and
human instruction. Protestantism for these poor people was not a conscious
choice, but a way of escaping from their lack of culture. And so, the schools
opened by the active followers of this confession were soon filled to
overflowing.
Then the Catholics of Jerez realised the great importance of education.
A group of ladies directed by Fr. Fernando Cermeno had started some classes
taught by secular teachers. That centre - if it can be given that name - carried
on its mission with great difficulty, and the Ladies' Conference as well as the
Jesuit director thought the management should be changed, handing it over
from the seculars to religious. This was the state of affairs in October 1881
when M. Pilar went to Madrid to study with M. Sacred Heart the possibility of
founding a new house.
Negotiations began during the summer of the following year. The two
sisters were agreed on this occasion, but they hesitated for some time,
respecting the opinion of Fr. Cotanilla who was not in favour of dividing the
154 Part two: 1877-1887
people of the Congregation who were still few and untrained at that time.
«They say that we'll find insurmountable opposition in the Cardinal of Seville;
I also expect it from the one there, and from Fr. Cotanilla. But if they do not
get away with it, or if we see God's will clearly, which is all that matters to me
in this business, we shall go on with it even if it costs us our life, for it has to
be given up at some time». Thus wrote M. Pilar to M. Sacred Heart on 1st
July. Soon afterwards they began to feci the effeets of the obstacles which
according to the previous letter they thought they would encounter. On the last
day of August M. Pilar left for Madrid, and the two sisters immediately
proposed the matter to the Cardinal of Toledo who was very favourable to the
idea. «The Cardinal was very kind and very pleased for the foundation to be
made. We shall see how Fr. Cotanilla reaets ... Do pray for the suceess of the
foundation with everyone we deal with; commend it especially to the Heart of
Jesus», they wrote to the community in Cordova from Madrid 71 . On 8th
September M. Pilar began her return journey to Andalusia. She was to go to
Jerez to speak about the foundation, and she had sent a telegram to the house
in Cordova asking them to meet her at the station with clothing and money.
The train used to stop in Cordova for a considerable time. At this point there
just had to be one of those picturesque seenes which perforce accompanied all
the first foundations of the Institute, the eommon factor being, their lack of
money. The foundresses always travelled with a very light purse which gave rise
to awkward consequences on many occasions.
The train reached Cordova, and there was no one at the station to
meet them. M. Pilar wrote a brief pencil note to M. Maria de San Ignacio:
«Didn't you receive a telegram? As you were not at the station we have
borrowed one hundred reales which you must repay to D. Josd Rodriguez, calle
Paciencia No. 9. Send to Jerez as soon as possible all that I asked for in my
letter: clothing, in a decent trunk bccause the ease has no key, and the money,
a cheque for 30 or forty duros. This is urgent because we have becomc
borrowers...* 72 . Maria de Santa Teresa was travelling with M. Pilar, the Sister
who went with her to Madrid. During the last five years they had acquired
great experience in receiving alms and in asking for loans. They arrived happily
in Jerez with 100 reales, and lodged with the Carmelites. «We still have no
money, no clothes, and there is no letter from Cordova... we arc grateful to
these holy, hospitable religious who wash and iron our headdress while we are
asleep at night, so that we shall be clean, and they provide us with all the
ehange of clothes we need. Write some words of thanks that I can read to
them, and send a copy of the Constitutions in case there is no reply from
71 Letter from M. Pilar to M. Ma. de San Ignacio, 2nd September 1882.

72
Letter of 9th Sept. 1882.
Cordova...* M. Pilar wrote that to her sister three days later 73 . M. Sacred
Heart sent the statutes by return post, and took care to include in her letter a
long paragraph thanking the religious who had put up the two travellers. «How
awful about the clothes! We arc all to blame, although I think that God our
Lord permitted this so that you might suffer and those good Mothers might
practise charity. Tell them how grateful I am, and tell them that my love for
them was very great the first time they put you up, but it is much greater now.
I consider them our sisters, and I beg them to accept us, although unworthy,
as such...*74.
M. Sacred Heart's desire to please her sister is very touching; she
responds to the slightest reasonable hint from her. No one else was aware of
M. Pilar's positive qualities as well as she was, but neither did anyone else
know the limitations of her character. The younger sister had long experience
of that complex temperament, of the elder sister who was a brilliant, intuitive
person and at the same time, both thoughtful and impulsive, affectionate and
harsh, haughty and simple, hot tempered and sweet. One of the younger sister's
great qualities at this time was her ability to draw out to the utmost the talents
and virtues of the elder, by avoiding with great meekness the hidden dangers
of her defects. It is not absolutely certain that «when one does not wish it, two
do not quarrel*, but it can be said that it is always possible to make efforts to
avoid a dispute. M. Sacred Heart worked as hard as possible at this and at least
she delayed the rupture as long as she could.
The time for that had not yet arrived. They still had much to do
together in Jerez, in Cordova, in Madrid..., with difficulties, with inevitable
friction, but with sincere efforts to succeed even on M. Pilar's part. We shall
see this later on.
M. Pilar's interview with the Archbishop of Seville75 was not exactly
pleasant. Stories about the origin of the Institute, either exact or twisted, were
brought out: the separation from the Reparatrices, the departure from Cordova
by night in 1877, the influence of Fr. Antonio Ortiz Urruela... Mgr. Lluch y
Garriga, it seems, had prepared a conference on the subject, because M. Pilar
found it difficult to get in a word. In any case the Cardinal asked for the
statutes of the Congregation and for reports from the Cardinal of Toledo and
the Bishop of Cordova. That conversation which took placc in the middle of
September, ended without giving much hope. It cost her more than two months
to remove prejudices and to make the priests of the curia of Seville consider
them in a favourable light. During this time of waiting Cardinal Lluch died
73
U t t e r of 12th Sept. 1882.
74
Letter of 14th Sept. 1882.
75 Jerez in Ihe province of Cadiz belonged to the Archdiocese of Sevilla.
156 Part two: 1877-1887
unexpectedly.
«Thanks be to God that this house too is going to be built on the good
foundations of troubles and sorrows. What joy! We are unworthy of such great
good», wrote M. Sacred Heart, commenting on the difficulties of the
foundation m Jerez 76 . («Foundations», once again «foundations» It is
surprising how she stressed this idea throughout her whole life.. How many
times must she have meditated on the parable of the wise man who built his
house on a rock!) M. Pilar, delegated by her sister, sent a petition in October
to the Vicar Capitular, supported by another request from the ladies interested
in the foundation: «The undersigned... desiring to counteract Protestant
propaganda in this town, established some years ago some schools for young
children in the district where the chapel and unorthodox schools are situated
But this work is proving insufficient... So our efforts must be redoubled the
work begun must be completed and more suitable means must be found With
this m mind, we who have recourse to Your Eminence consider it very
important to change the management or our schools, placing there the Rev
Reparatrices of the Sacred Heart of Jesus instead of the salaried teachers who
run the school at present* 77 . The ladies mentioned other reasons based on
their esteem and that of Fr. Cenneho for the Religious. They said, for example
that the Religious who worked only for the glory of God and love of theh
neighbour achieved better results; that the Sisters did not have other obligations
to divide their attention, as did the seculars. And, finally, said the ladies the
upkeep of the school required great economic sacrifices, and the Relkious
offered to take over from the seculars without any recompense.
That, of course, was admirable generosity. But it did not exempt the
toundresses from seeking the means necessary for the support of the
commumty. They did this as soon as they obtained permission to enter the
diocese . What was needed in the first place was to find a house «They
went to see several houses, but they found none suitable among those which
were available, and they were all too expensive. Then they thought of the house
used by the lay teachers, which they might use for the time being although it
was very small, ugly and poor, situated at the end of Porvcnir Street* 79 It is
easy to understand that they found it too small bccause only two teachers had
lived there, and the religious were going to be four at the beginning, and very
soon more than ten. «My principal aim is to begin, even if it is in a hut* said
76
U t t e r to M. Maria dc San Ignacio, 1st October 1882.
Petition dated 6th October 1882. The one of M. Pilar is dated 18th Oct.
The Vicar Capitular granted a provisional licence on 23rd November 1882.
PRECIOSA SANGRE, FundaciAn de Jerez, 1st account, p. 47.
M. Pilar to her sister80. «I cannot see Fr. Cotanilla, but I do not think he will
be displeased about renting the house because it is impossible to buy one at
present...* M. Sacred Heart wrote three days later: «As you are there for a
foundation you may have the Blessed Sacrament in the interior or public chapel
without any need for permission* 81 . But the Vicar Capitular was not very well
informed, and he did not trust the spoken word, even when spoken with M.
Pilar's assurance: «Before asking the permission, I asked quite straight-faced
if we could have the Blessed Sacrament for a few hours each afternoon, either
exposed or in the ciborium with the tabernacle open, and he said we should act
according to our permission from Rome... Today he said that in matters of such
importance he did not trust in the spoken word, although it might be
true...* 82 .
By the middle of December all the great and small obstacles had been
overcome. And for their greater peace of mind, a letter arrived from Fr.
Cotanilla in Cordova encouraging M. Pilar to set out for Jerez and start the
community off in the little rented house: «Offer to God Our Lord all the trials
with which He usually shows his good pleasure, and do not take a single step
unless it is his holy will... Secure well all the knots in that and in other
foundations, keeping to what is prescribed. For the moment it is enough to
found ...»83.
After such struggles, so many journeys between Cordova, Seville and
Jerez, M. Pilar prepared to move to Jerez, although she continued in charge
of the community in Cordova for the time being On this account, and also in
one of those ups and downs of her temperament she was feeling tired and a
kind of fear: «... I am trembling and resdess inside, with the aversion I usually
feel, and I am now with my foot in the stirrup, just as boldly, I t h i n k , as the
bull-fighter plunges at the bull's horns. I'll write from Jerez. Everyone pray for
me and for this work; I feel very small, and I am very sorry to leave here* 84 .
And the next day she wrote to the community in Cordova from Jerez where she
had gone with one Sister: «... I must write to you as I remember how sad I left
you... I too was sad to leave there; and I still am, although I trust in God for
whose sake I left you; He will make up for everything. I am thinking especially
of the sick, and I would like to know how they are and if they are suffering
much... I have already spoken a few words to Fr. Cermeno, and he tells me that
the house is empty now, so as soon as M. (Sacred Heart) tells you, or sends
80
81
U t t e r of 11th November 1882.
82
U t t e r from M. Pilar to M. Sacred Heart, 16th November 1882.
83
U t t e r 17th December 1882.
84
U t t e r to M. Sacred Heart, 29th December 1882.
158 Part two: 1877-1887
someone, let me know. The school must be opened on 8th without fail; it would
weigh on my conscience if those children went to the Protestants ...a 85 .
It cannot be denied that, with all her defects, M. Pilar drew from the
Religious something more than mere superficial affection. And it seems that
one of the things which made her most lovable was that deep human
tenderness which caused her to express and feel the pain of separation, the
remembrance and constant concern for all those who might need it. One way
in which M. Pilar showed her love was her manner of declaring that she felt the
need of it. And she did this with great simplicity.
The Sisters assigned to the new foundation soon arrived, and then
came the children. There was not much time for nostalgia, because the work
was pressing. The life and joy in that little house in Porvenir Street
transformed immediately that dwelling which at first sight had seemed «very
small, ugly and poor*. «Last night, after Fr. Cermeno had blessed the house,
we slept in it for the first time, and next morning the school opened, with a
great number of children, all rather neglected. But I trust in God, and in the
gift which Maria de San Luis has for them, that all will go well... This house is
very small, but joyful and pretty* 86 .
Maria de San Luis was a young Sister, especially gifted it seems for
teaching 87 . She also wrote to M. Sacred Heart:
«I am very happy, Mother, seeing that Our Lord has sent me where
I can work a little for His honour and glory. These girls are completely
neglected; they know almost nothing about religion or anything else.
We have to work hard with them; but I trust in God there will be
some benefit, because although there is a great deal of ignorance, they
receive corrections well... We also have a Sunday school; today is the
first day. I don't know how many will come... The house is not as bad
as they said. It is very small, we have nothing to spare. Only one thing
is missing, and that is everything ... Mother says that we are now in the
time for gaining merits, and that is true. I am very happy, but I do
hope that we shall soon have a house where we can have our
Jesus* 88 .
That was really the worst thing about the house; or rather the greatest
thing missing. As M. Pilar said in a later letter, there was not «even a poor
85 Letter to M. Maria de San Ignacio, 30th December 1882.

86
Letter from M. Pilar to M. Sacred Heart, 9th January 1883.
87 This was Ana Moreno, a postulant when they left Cordova in February 1877.
88
Letter to M. Sacred Heart, 14th January 1883.
little room to make into an oratory* 89 . They went out each day for Mass to
a nearby church, and they also went there for any feast or when there was
Exposition of the Blessed Sacrament. They spent five months in Porvenir Street
in very unfavourable conditions: lack of ventilation and light, many great leaks,
(and all witness that that winter was very wet), and a complete lack of living
space. Two seriously sick Sisters were living in that house; one of them was at
the point of death without medical or spiritual assistance, because it was
impossible to find it in that area at night.
But the children arrived during the day, and when they saw them and
realised their great need for education, they immediately forgot all their
troubles. In her letter to M. Sacred Heart already quoted, Maria de San Luis
said:
«... I was pleased with the idea of coming here, but I was afraid of
the work I would have with these poor little things, for I knew them
and was aware that they were not like those in Cordova. I did not pray
for anything except that His holy will should be done in me. On the
first two days I was rather sorry when I thought of the house in
Cordova and those children who are like angels, but I soon got over
that for I did not encourage such feelings and I told God with all my
heart that I wanted nothing but what He wanted, and I asked Him to
make me fit for the task He had given me, for He knows better than
I how useless I am».
There was a great difference between these children «mostly ignorant

and like savages in their ways on account of the liberty and neglect in which the
people of the Yedra district are living, and from which most of our pupils
come* 90 , and those from Cordova who were clean, well brought up and well
trained in the less than a year since the school opened. In spite of the illnesses
and poverty none of the religious made any objection to going to Jerez; far
from it, they all wrote letters full of joy and enthusiasm for the apostolic work
they were doing.
This did not prevent them from using every possible means to improve
the situation. After several attempts the foundresses decided to buy a house in
Medina Street. There were three reasons for this: «The first, because it was
beside the church of the Trinity which it was almost certain they would acquire
in the future; second, because it was near the Protestants, their reason for
opening this school; and thirdly, because it was large and in good
89
An Account of the foundation in Jerez de ia Frontera, p. 4.
on
M. PILAR, Account of foundation in Jerez, p. 24.
160 Part two: 1877-1887
condition...*91. In effect they moved to Medina Street in June 1883,
Building up fraternal communion
At the time when the troubles with the foundation in Jerez were taking
place M. Sacred Heart did not lose sight of the general concerns of the
Institute. But she followed with even greater love each one of the Religious
who had been entrusted to her care; first of all by training them in the
Novitiate and then following them through the stages of religious life, their
apostolic experiences, and their spiritual and human growth, and their health.
How many worries and sorrows those Sisters involuntarily caused her with their
illnesses, and in some cases with their death!
The first one to go was M. Maria de San Javier. She died in February
1882 in Cordova at the age of thirty-one, after an illness which lasted a few
months. The community had an extraordinary experience of God's faithfulness.
M. Maria de San Javier had never been outstanding in that group of young
people filled with generosity and enthusiasm; but during the last days of her life
she showed such complete self-surrender that it proved how fully «God's
strength acts in our weakness* (2 Cor 12,9). «There is no sorrow, only the
perfume of sanctity which this creature has left; she gained it in two days; so
heroic and edifying!* said M. Pilar to one of the Religious from Madrid. And
D. Josd Maria Ibarra, confessor to the community, wrote to M. Sacred Heart:
«I praise Our Lord, and I see more clearly every day what a singular, excellent
grace our heavenly Father grants to his children who live and die in religious
life. For they live and die in the Lord, and so their happiness is beyond words...
In spite of our natural feelings, I think there is no place here for condolences
because we are all sure that Our Lord has called her to be with Him in His
glory, and this can bring us nothing but consolation and complete joy* 92 .
M. Sacred Heart received the news with sorrow, but with the peace
which comes from a sure understanding of human existence, of its worth and
its fragility. She wrote to the community in Cordova «You see this is life. Our
dear Sister has finished! What will she say now about all she has done for God
and about what she has suffered for Him?* But although she had her eyes fixed
on the transcendental aspects of life and death, she did not cease to be affected
by natural sorrow and to ponder the circumstances surrounding the passing of
a person into the next life: «Let us know everything that happened these days,
92
Letter of 2nd March 1882.
about her death, the funeral etc. I would love to have been with you...» 9 \
She would have loved to be with them, with the community of Cordova
during that sorrowful experience. But she wanted to see them in any case, to
share the joy of a meeting with them. She said to her sister at the end of
March: «I would like you to tell me your opinion, whether (to go) now or
later». M. Pilar replied: «Why shouldn't I want you to come?» Doubtless the
rcmembrancc of the previous year's unfortunate journey is to be found in M.
Sacred Heart's question and in M. Pilar's reply: «I am not saying anything
about your coming here yet, because they would be upset if it did not come off;
but if it does, I'll tell them. But I would like to keep it secret from people
outside, so that at least they will leave us in peace during Holy Week» .
She did not go to Cordova then, but she well knew that they would
have welcomed her with joy. «On one occasion she had said: "How can I deny
that I want to see them? But the time has not come yet; it will come and then
we shall enjoy it"»95. «I remember that labyrinth of a house with pleasure,
although I spent most of the time learning my way around, and I did not learn
it all», she wrote alluding to her previous visit.
She was satisfied for the moment with written communication; and
thanks to that we now know some aspects of the riches which adorned her
relationships with the Sisters of the Institute. If it is true that she wanted to
imprint her own confidence in God upon all of them, as well as her unshakable
conviction of being loved by Him, it is no less true that this basic teaching was
always supported by a deep human experience of loyalty and affection:
«I have complete confidence in you, as you know. You have

confidence in God; I know you have it in me - that is why I love vou
l.
so much...» 91.
These letters are so personal, so far from being general that it is

possible through them to make a psychological study of the recipients. Let us
see some examples:
She wrote to Maria del Amparo, an uncomplicated person, lively and
witty, who could even make jokes about her own rather unattractive
appearance, but who needed encouragement in the normal difficulties of life:
93
1M
" Letters of March 1882.
95
Letter to M. Maria del Amparo, May 1881.
96
Ibid. July 1881.
97 To M. Maria de San Ignacio, 23rd February 1883.
162 Part two: 1877-1887
«My dear Amparo, only in the next life is anything perfect; so even
the good things in this life must be taken with a certain indifference;
rest on what is unchanging, that is God, of course, and the trust in his
goodness, that nothing, nothing at all will be lacking which will lead us
there...».
«Have great confidence in God; if we are very faithful to Him He
must give us everything we need in abundance... What will our God
not be willing to do? Say to Him from your heart: My Jesus, here I
am; do with me what you like, as you like and when you like; I am
ready, with your grace, to refuse you nothing however difficult it may
be ...»"
«Mortify yourself by being very happy in recreation and in amusing
the Sisters; this is a great act of charity and very pleasing to the Heart
of Jesus, who likes us to sacrifice ourselves without being
noticed* 100 .
«Be consoled, cheer up; ugly people are attractive too; you have
caught Petra with yours. She says that she does not forget you; she
sees you even in her dreams* 101 .
«So increase your fervour every minute, be very joyful and eat
plenty, surrendered into Jesus' arms until we have the happiness of
being there in reality. This thought is enough to make us crazy, isn't
it? Well, the time is not far off* 102 .
«Dear Amparo: I don't want to see you upset, for even in sorrows
which come now and again because God wants it, you must be happy
because they come from the loving hand of the one who loves you
more than his own life, and this is the means for working out your
salvation, and you know that He gave up his life in order to take you
to heaven on your own day... So, in the midst of the sorrows of this
life, we must rejoice greatly with the hope of purchasing the kingdom
of heaven by this means* 1 .
«Let us go to heaven, Amparo; let us go quickly even through rocky
places, which will not seem hard to us if God is guiding us* .
98
Letter, end of July 1881.
99
Letter end of May 1881.
100
Letter 1st Mar. 83.
101
Letter January 1885.
102
Letter end of July 1881.
103
March 1882.
104
October 1881.
She wrote to M. Maria de la Paz who entered the Institute when she
was very young and who reached maturity through difficult times of interior
growth and patches of darkness:
«Our glory in this life must be to live despised and humiliated,

without anyone noticing it and without any sympathy, and without
giving any reason to be treated in this way. Quite the opposite we must
do all we can to make others' lives happy; this is real charity ... Take
full advantage of the time; do not lose sight of Jesus; love Him as He
wants, without consolation, without return, if that is how He wants it;
and if He does give you favours, receive them with great humility,
knowing yourself to be unworthy...*105.
To H. Maria dc Santa Victoria, who entered the Institute as a young

girl of fifteen, full of untrained possibilities, whom she educated with affection
always reciprocated, she wrote:
«My dear silly daughter, could I possibly forget you? No; a thousand
times no! You know what happens to me, sometimes I have not even
a moment to eat ...
I am glad that you are so fervent, but ... you must be as diligent
when you are overflowing with consolation as when you are in water
up to your neck... So, do you understand? ... Take care with
recollection and with your little temper; don't let the latter see the
light of day. Do you hear? Do keep writing to me; I enjoy your letters.
Don't get thin; I would be very sorry* 106 .
«Your letters give me joy because I see you are full of good desires.
And what about the works; do they correspond? I think they do, but
a little bit of advice will not be out of place.
I know that you are the sacristan; be very fervent, clean and careful
in this great charge, and keep Our Lord very happy... Never answer
anyone badly, or pull a face when you are corrected, with or without
fault... Now, my dear, I'll not say any more, until you answer me
briefly, well thought-out...* 107
«I am always thinking of you, and I remember what you owe Our
Lord; I ask that you may be very generous with Him; very generous,
always without taking any notice if I am cold or warm, but always the
105
Letter of September 1883.
106
Letter end May 1883.
107
Letter end of May or beginning June 1883.
164 Part two: 1877-1887
same ... always united to God's will in dryness and in fervour ... always
calm and always constant, although nature rebels...* 108
«Tell Santa Victoria to write to me, and let her know that I do not
forget her in the Lord's presence. Tell her to be very good ...»109.
On the feast of the Sacred Heart a real shower of letters arrived in

Madrid to greet the superior of the Institute. Mother replied that very same
day. Her words of thanksgiving were deeply felt and far from conventional:
«I know that it is impossible for me to write to each one in

particular within the next few days, as I would like to do with all my
heart; but receive it in the Heart of our Jesus, where you are more
present to me than ever, if that is possible.
What lovely letters! May God reward your offerings by giving you
a disinterested love for Him. Do you understand? Yes, work as hard as
you can for Him, He well deserves it; without consolation, without
sweetness, without anything gratifying; just for the joy of serving a
Lord so worthy to be served.
By what you say, and even without that, by what I know, some of
you have not time even to think of God; so, when you receive this,
offer everything to the Sacred Heart of Jesus, your distractions, the
neglect and indifference, for His greater honour and glory, asking Him
to make up for you...*1 .
The tenderness of her heart was put to the test in 1882 when news
began to arrive, alarming news about the health of one of the Sisters in the
community in Cordova. And it was a young religious - as in fact they all were
at that time - and one in whom they had placed great hopes for the future. She
was not insensitive to human affection, far from it, and she had given a great
deal to M. Maria de Santa Teresa (needless to say it was faithfully
reciprocated). So when she learned that the young sister was rapidly getting
worse, she wrote the following letter which vividly expresses her desire to keep
her on this earth, to support her illness and face up to death unless the one
Lord who can give health and life should decide something else:
«My dear Santa Teresa: So your reverence wants to give in? For
love of God, dear Sister, don't do that. Don't you see that He still
108
Letter May 1884.
inq
110
Undated letter, doubtless written in 1883.
Letter from M. Sacred Heart to the Community in Cordova, 16th June 1882.
wants you to do much for Him here below?

No; don't wish to die! I beg you for love of Jesus; take care of
. yourself and send away that desire to go to better life. Don't you
remember what our Father St. Ignatius said to Fr. Lainez? Look for
it and read it in the book 'Conformity with the will of God' 1 1 1 . I
hope that you will very soon tell me that you have a hearty appetite,
as you used to, and that you are very fat. God does not want His
spouses to look as if they live on lizards ...»112.
Certainly they were not living on lizards. But the life they were living,
not only of hard work, but of privations of every kind, including their diet, was
conducive to the weakening of many who easily became victims of that «subtle
illness», as tuberculosis was called by the romantics. M. Maria de Santa Teresa
died shortly after this while still very young. But she did put up a struggle for
life; even while desiring to meet Christ, she spoke of «not wanting to die». To
avoid displeasing M. Sacred Heart she would have worked a miracle if she
could...
M. Sacred Heart wrote several letters to Maria de Santa Teresa during
her illness:
«Don't think I have forgotten you, no; neither when you were ill, nor
now; indeed, never, 1 think; just like all the Sisters. It happens to me
just like those mothers who have settled their older daughters; even
though they think of them just as much as the little ones, yet they give
more time to the latter because they have more difficulties and more
needs. Believe me, I have you and everyone so much with me in the
concerns of the Congregation, without forgetting you for a moment,
although it may seem that I forget you, as happens between brothers
and sisters who are very fond of each other, they understand each
other without speaking* .
«... Cheer up, my dear; let us love Jesus solidly, let us work miracles,
if that is what He wants with divine grace, let us present our
imperfections to Him, humbly and gently, each moment, and above all,
let us forget ourselves completely and remember our God. Is He not
worthy?* 114
1111 She left a space for the page, but seemingly forgot to put it in.
112 Undated letter; but it begins Today 21st' most likely, 21st September 1881.
113
Letter January-February 1883.
114
Undated letter; most likely written in May 1883.
defects, but only in order to «bear with them with great charity*. And as she
was seeing at every step that fraternal life can cause more difficulties at times
than the most complicated external business, she included the efforts needed
to build up a real community in the list of things which God wanted to do
Himself in the Institute. «Surely, everything has to come out all the better*; this
remark can also be applied here.
«Tell all the Sisters from me, each one of them, that I love them as
the apple of my eye; tell them to love one another, and let us love all,
and our Congregation, so that Our Lord may be very pleased with it.
For goodness' sake, let there be no disagreements; let everyone bear
the defects with great charity*117.
In spite of her undoubted qualities M. Maria de San Ignacio lacked the

polish of a good education, and this perhaps would have made her feel insecure
at times if M. Sacred Heart's kind understanding had not supplied for her
natural deficiency, which on the other hand was balanced by some rare gifts.
The Foundress sent her many encouraging words, knowing that in a climate of
trust the best seeds that every person bears within as a promise, will fructify:
«How many have you in community now? Come on, now you can
say in a loud clear voice that you inspire trust; I should think so! But,
my daughter, courage and calm; no worries, no spiritual or corporal
distress, though there will always be good cause. Pray to Jesus without
ceasing; that must be your life, to be dependent on Jesus. And who
could be better?* 118
«I am so brave that I do not know myself; nothing worries me,
because I place my trust in God after doing everything I can myself.
You are the one there whom I trust completely. I tell you this so that
you may not be afraid of anyone and do not think that a few letters
could have any influence on me.
Always act in everything and with everyone as Our Lord inspires
you. I know well the great light which anyone with the charge of
superior receives, and which no subject can attain, however wise they
may be. What is more, if I should give an order one day (which I
would not do without your knowing it), and you did not think it
expedient, I tell you now to change it. I say once again that no one and
nothing can influence me against you. Know that everyone is very fond
tlx Letter of 26th March 1883.

168 Part two: 1877-1887
ofyou»119.
«I am laughing to see the postulants who have come since you arc
Superior; You catch them more with your simplicity, as you say, than
my sister and I with our elegance... Be very happy at seeing yourself
so small and be glad that with such a poor instrument God can make
his work grow ...»120.
«You never tell me if you are worried or not, or if you are
distressed; let me know, I do not get upset now, and I think I am
braver than you...*121.
At last in October 1882 M. Sacred Heart visited the community in

Cordova. She must have written first to M. Pilar, who answered her: «Not only
do I think it is good if you come, but I want it..., here we can talk about the
people and other things. I would like it to be on the night of 24th; I am in a
hurry because it is important for me to be in Jerez for the foundation* 122 .
Thank God, she could go to the house peacefully this time and enjoy her stay
as well as the communication and joy of the Sisters. She returned to Madrid
on 30th with some postulants. She stopped in Andujar 123 , and they were
joined by others there, so there were six - a very happy return from a very
happy journey. From the hospice in Andujar, which held so many memories for
the foundresses, M. Sacred Heart wrote to her sister: «We arrived safely, kept
much amused by Padura - one of the postulants - whom I like the more I know
her ... These Sisters here, as always so kind, are preparing a feast today so that
we can eat together ... Let the postulants come this afternoon, well wrapped up
because it is very cold at night* 124 .
The first fruits of the foundation in Jerez were among those
postulants 125 , and two of them in years to come would play an important
part in the life of the Institute and of M. Sacred Heart. They were: Pilar
Visquez y Perez de Vargas (later M. Maria del Salvador) and Concepci6n
Aranda (M. Maria del Carmen).
M. Sacred Heart was able to deal perfectly with all kinds of people.
Letter of 20th May 1883.

120
121
U t t e r of 1st April 1883.
122
U t t e r of 22nd October 1882.
123
The foundresses travelled to Madrid in this way more than once. Andujar is situated about
half way.
124
U t t e r 30th October 1882.
125
The foundation was not yet established, but M. Pilar and some other religious had been
present in the town, and many young women had been attracted to the Institute.
She was full of tact with Jesuits, with priests, with lay people. She showed her
prudence in the consideration with which she dealt with Fr. Cotanilla, to whom
the Institute owed so much, yet she did not close the door to other, much
younger, priests - Rodeles, Hidalgo, Alarc6n etc. - which meant letting in fresh
air. If she had been a person inclined to speak about her successes she could
have done so in the month of July 1882 after the visit of Fray Ceferino. The
Bishop of Cordova was passing through Madrid on his way to his native
country, Asturias. «As I was doubting whether to go to see the Bishop, or to
write to him, I let a few days go by, and on Thursday he sent a message to say
that he was here, and he sent his greetings. Then I decided to go to see him.
I went with Purfsima, and he was out. I was pleased, and I left a card for him
The following day at a quarter to eleven he appeared, so kind and even polite
and affectionate as I have never seen him. As he saw the house and all that he
asked to see, he remembered you and said: "Poor dears, not having a patio, and
such an ugly house". He wanted to see the kitchen and refectory; he went in
and asked Asunci6n what there was to cat. She told him there was soup and
stew. "Good", he answered, "and what is in the stew?" "Your Lordship, meat,
a little ham..." "Woman, you have answered just the opposite of all the nuns;
when they are asked that question, they always hide what you have started
with". He said it with pleasure, very pleased with her simplicity. The novices
were very well behaved, and I think he went away pleased; we too were very
pleased* . M. Sacred Heart did not say so, it is quite certain that the most
felicitous person in that visit was herself.
The relationship between the two sisters during the year 1882 now
coming to an end was more or less the same as in previous years. Perhaps
there were no special problems to highlight their differences of character. M.
Sacred Heart had a simple illness - a kind of flu, a persistent cold - which kept
the elder sister in suspense for a long time. «Why don't you liven up? There is
plenty to do for God, so just for that you must take care...» «I am very upset
thinking you are ill; look after yourself and get better, you are still too young
to rest» «I wish you would take more care of your health...* 127 . There were
other times when they exchanged ideas and opinions, and the two sisters spoke
freely, in complete peace, giving their own points of view.
The confidence with which the two sisters spoke together about the
development of the Sisters in their tasks and about their personal development
in the community led M. Pilar to explain to M. Sacred Heart the difficulties she
saw in some of the religious in Madrid who spoke to her. «...! am sorry that N.
and N. still go on the same; the day that disunion comes in we arc lost ... Tell
126
Letter from M. Sacred Heart to her sister, 11th July 1882.
T>7
Letters of 25 and 28th January and 12th February 1882.
170 Part two: 1877-1887
me if you want me to write to them ... because they are both asking me to
write...* 128 M. Sacred Heart replied: « There is no disunion; only, as you
know, N. is touchy, and so is N. and rather reserved, and so it seems that they
are displeased. Write to them...* 129 This was the simple kind of
communication between the two sisters. But M. Pilar began to demand too
much: she gave so much advice to her sister about how she should deal with
some of the Religious that M. Sacred Heart bad to show her dislike for what
she considered lack of trust: «Now, about not trusting me, that upsets me
terribly - it seems that you think they take away my will ... When I went to
Cordova I thought of telling you so, but I did not dare; but I think I must let
you know* 130 .
It must be acknowledged that M. Sacred Heart suffered a great deal
through her sister. Her natural humility made her feel insecure in view of the
constant warnings which M. Pilar gave her at different times; and, although
these admonitions were made with the best will, they give the impression on
reading them that they arise from a certain mistrust.
In answer to the words of M. Sacred Heart quoted above, M. Pilar
gave a detailed explanation of each of her words. She ended with a very
beautiful paragraph, the sincerity of which cannot be doubted:
«Remember always that however great may be the trust and

affection which exists between the Sisters and ourselves, it will never
be as great as that we have for each other, and this is true for many
reasons; and however great their concern for the Congregation, it will
never be anywhere near our own. Let us work to preserve this belief,
and let our acts correspond, and we shall be happy here and still more,
without comparison, in the next life...*131
In July 1883 M. Sacred Heart made a journey to Jerez. On account of

all the circumstanccs around her, in this summer she needed to hold firmly on
to the nuclear ideas which she explained to her religious. There were many
contradictions of all kinds, interspersed with joys, now and again.
At the end of April the foundresses decided that M. Maria de Santa
Teresa should be sent to Jerez; although she was still ill, they had not lost hope
that she would recover, and they even attempted to put her in charge of the
house as Superior. They cannot be accused of blindness because they did not
128
Letter of 9th March 1882.
129
130
131
Letter of 23rd November 1882.
recognise the inexorable nature of the illness; at that time even the doctors did
not see it until the condition was incurable. The fact is that Maria de Santa
Teresa reached Jerez at the end of her strength; rather, she still retained some
which she used to take a walk as suggested by M. Pilar. «... She is not staying
in bed because I encourage her to get up*, M. Pilar said in a letter to M.
Sacred Heart, following the doctor's advice. «I am better now, I was in bed
only two days, because the doctor said so; I rest more when I am up, much
more than in bed. Pray to our Jesus to give me a big appetite and enough
strength to play the organ with ardour, and to set alight the hearts of these
people of Jerez, For several days I have not received Communion, and on three
feast days I have not heard Mass; this is not living, even with Jesus under the
same roof; but I am happy with my little sufferings, because they are a sign that
He wants to give me a little drop of gall from His chalice, seeing that I have
been too much afraid to pray for it, He is giving it to me...» The patient herself
wrote that to M. Sacred Heart at the end of May. In a short time she had
become the foundress' well-taught disciple, not only desiring the presence of
Jesus Christ, which is the whole reason for community life in the Institute, but
above all, understanding that simply fulfilling His will is the most important.
The one who wrote thus had suffered no less than three bouts of
bringing up blood within a few days. And she still wanted to have strength to
play the organ with ardour! But at least she had the consolation of living in the
new house in Medina Street and to die «under the same roof* where Jesus was
living «for our greater consolation and the chief reason for our living
together* 132 . And she still had the courage - although no longer the strength
- to rejoice that now there was «one more house dedicated to God and a
Church in which worship is offered* 133 as M. Pilar said on one of those
days, and as she had heard M. Sacred Heart say so many times.
The rejoicing, naturally, had reached Madrid, and M. Sacred Heart had
rejoiced with them; «... On 8th everything was offered for that foundation. ...
They all confirm the news that you gave in your last letter about the enthusiasm
there ..; they say that everything went perfectly, but they were especially
enthusiastic about the singing. Thanks be to God!* 134 After this exultation
the patient began to decline rapidly; by this time Mother dared not encourage
her to live - «No, don't wish to die; No!* ... She tried only to help her die in
peace.
132 Quoted from the document in which the Saint, as Superior of the Institute, asks the Holy
See for the grace of having the Eucharist reserved in the chapels of the Institute. 26th September
1877; cf. Cong. Vat. II, PO 5.
1JJ
Letter from M. Pilar to M. Maria de San Ignacio, 11th June 1883.
Letter written between 10th and 12th June 1883.
172 Part two: 1877-1887
She arrived in Jerez on 9th July, and stayed in the town until 17th. On
13th, M. Maria de Santa Teresa died in the arms of M. Sacred Heart. In reality
it is not correct to say that anyone dies in the arms of any person on earth: one
either dies in God, or one dies absolutely alone. That young Religious,
shattered by tuberculosis, must have experienced that inevitable wrench, that
leap of faith. It could be said more appropriately that she had the consolation
of spending her last days with the person who had known and understood her
most deeply.
For M. Sacred Heart that death was a revival of past experiences, a
new realisation of the value of life as a gift received from the Lord, and as an
offering to be returned to Him with confidence and love. She must have been
reminded of the night of her mother's death. The frailty of life was even more
apparent in this young creature.
The death of Maria de Santa Teresa imposed the need to revise the
plans they had made concerning her and the community of Jerez. They had to
think about a Superior - M. Pilar could not be travelling continually between
Cordova and Jerez - and M. Sacred Heart proposed M. Purisima. For the first
time M. Pilar seriously opposed her sister's opinion.
M. Sacred Heart left Jerez for Cordova one week after her arrival. She
had suffered a great deal during those days, and she had tried hard to keep
serene and to be peaceful. She did not succeed completely, because it is not
always within our power to experience the joy of living together happily;
although one is always obliged to strive to smooth out the difficulties which
oppose that ideal. Nevertheless, her efforts were not in vain. They bore fruit in
M. Pilar's belated sorrow; immediately after Mother's departure she repented
and asked her sister's pardon for her procedure. «Isabel did not cry 13 ... the
others are good, regretting your departure, and I more than anyone. Now I am
offering the grief in my heart to God, when it is too late. This is what always
happens to me; it is no use trying, it does not help...»136 Three days later she
returned to the same thought: «My heart is still sorrowful about your journey
and what I made you suffer, and how awkward I have been, although without
any bad intention; and I hope that God Our Lord will make it redound to his
greater glory and the good of the Congregation. For my part, I can assure you
m all truth that I have no ill-feeling towards you or anybody, and no mistrust;
but if I said anything it was because I was angry and could not control myself;
but once it is over, I have nothing left but sorrow* 137 .
135
She was referring to Isabel Porras, her niece of 7 or 8 years, who, after the death of her
mother, was with the foundresses to be educated by them.
U t t e r of 19th July 1883.
U t t e r of 22nd July 1883.
The year 1882 ended with a great consolation. For some time the
foundresses had been wanting to obtain the grace of having the Blessed
Sacrament exposed during some nights of the year, on the eve of feasts
mentioned in the statutes. They had not yet succeeded. On 31st December they
received a letter from Fr. Pauro Planas, general secretary of the Benedictines,
to whom they had lately entrusted the management of the business in Rome.
«I have pleasure in enclosing the rescript of concession for another five years.
The Holy Father, as you will see, has granted you permission to have the
Blessed Sacrament exposed six times a year with watching during the night; you
choosing the festivals. I have to tell you that there was some difficulty in
granting this privilege ... I repeat, you have been fortunate...* 138 .
They had been praying to Our Lord for this grace for six years. Of
course, they felt fortunate!
A change in the Nunciature in Madrid,

and new steps towards approval
The business of obtaining papal approval which had been held up

during 1882, began to move with the New Year. In January Mgr. Rampolla
arrived in Spain as Nuncio of His Holiness. The Congregation was not
unknown to the Nuncio, for he was in charge of Business of the Holy See in
Madrid at the time of the foundation. Pius IX had sent a blessing to the group
of young women who settled in the capital in 1877 after a long odyssey.
Even more important for the Institute was friendship with the secretary
of the Nunciature, a young priest named Giacomo Delia Chiesa, who later was
to be Pope Benedict XV 1 3 '.
M. Sacred Heart was aware of the happy coincidence, and she missed
no chance of urging the matter, which as foundress she judged to be most
important. She immediately communicated to the Nuncio her desire to have the
Institute approved, and her worry because some persons had sent in some
inexact information about its origin. Mgr. Rampolla told the auditor of the
Nunciature Mgr. Segna, to write fully about it to the secretary of the Sacred
Congregation of Bishops and Regulars. The auditor fulfilled the duty not only
with fidelity but with affcction, and he took advantage to praise the Institute
himself. «The observance of regular life and the exemplary lives of the religious
138
Letter of 31st December 1882.
139
In 1919, when he was Pope, he wrote to M. General (then M. Purisima) remembering old
times, 'the letter was written on 9th June, near the XXV anniversary of the approval of the
Constitutions.
174 Part two: 1877-1887
... have gained much favour with ecclesiastical authorities*. The secretary of the
Sacred Congregation replied to this letter asking for the reports which had
been requested almost two years before; then he again made inquiries about
the origin of the Institute and about its state at that time with regard to
discipline, personnel, finances, etc.; and asked for letters from the Bishops in
whose dioceses the religious were established.
In spite of the foundresses' great interest in this matter, the answers
to these questions were somewhat delayed. The secretary's letter was dated
27th June, and when it reached Madrid, M. Sacred Heart was in Andalusia,
visiting the houses in Jerez and Cordova. On her return, knowing the
importance of what she had to write, she called M. Pilar to be with her. On
29th July M. Pilar left Jerez for Madrid. The writing took them «five or six
days, with only the necessary time for rest* 140 . Something must have gone
wrong, judging by a letter from M. Pilar to M. Maria de San Ignacio who was
m Cordova: «... the document they want will be handed to the Nuncio
tomorrow; I think it will be there on Saturday or Monday, 4th or 6th August.
May God Our Lord guide it; it is going, much to my sorrow, but Father is
sending it, and in this case he is God. I mean Fr. Cotanilla. I trust in this act
of obedience, in everyone's prayers, and in the fact that everything which the
Father has had a hand in has come out well for us* 141 .
It seems that M. Pilar had been told that it was too soon to try to
obtain approval. But for M. Sacred Heart, every delay seemed too long
Fortunately in this case Fr. Cotanilla's ideas overcame M. Pilar's reluctance.
The Jesuit went to Rome in October. «... Fr. Cotanilla is in Rome; he
told me he was going away, but he did not say where. I think it is providential
for our ruies, if he is interested, as I hope he is ...» wrote M. Sacred Heart to
her sister . M. Pilar answered by return post: «... Even if Father agrees
with the Rule, it should have a recommendation and I think, if you believe it
would help, that you should see His Eminence Cardinal Moreno and ask him
to write a letter to the Father to do something about the business Don't
leave a stone unturned for this. If I have time I'll write today also to the Father,
and I'll enclose it with this, so that it may go with yours...*143 M. Pilar had
come out of her previous state of doubting, and now all the business seemed
lacking in dynamism. «I was thinking today, and we are going to begin a novena
for this intention on 12th to Our Lady of Pilar, offering besides the valuable
intercession of Our Lady, all that we have been through for the last seven
140
M. MARIA DEL PILAR, Account of the foundation in Jerez, p. 20.
141
Letter of 2nd August 1883.
1 il
Letter of 7-£th October 1883.
i ji
years. You do the same, and I'll tell them the same in Cordova, and there those
good innoeent Sisters can get going» 144 . When she speaks about the troubles
«of seven years ago», M. Pilar was referring to the troubles and uncertainties
of the first days of the foundation. With this air of a crusade M. Pilar alerted
the whole Institute to prayer. She did not remember her previous reluetance
and hesitation (and most likely, she did not remember that M. Sacred Heart
had had to overcome them in order to send to Rome the replies requested by
the Saered Congregation).
When Fr. Cotanilla returned from Rome he advised Mother to write
a «short concise letter* to Fr. Manuel Martinez, Augustinian, together with the
replies for the Sacred Congregation, so that he could present them himself, and
write personally «a letter of petition, short and fervent* showing his own interest
and obtaining the interest of the Cardinal Prefect. Fr. Cotanilla added that, for
his part, he also would write a letter of recommendation, and everything would
reaeh Rome through the office of the Nunciature 145 .
This was the complicated proeess for obtaining approval. How truly it
was said: from Rome «everything takes a long time*.
The Superior sent the documents to Rome by the middle of December
1883. And now, once more, there was nothing to do but to pray and wait.
145 Letter from Madrid, 15th December 1883.

Chapter III
A CHURCH WELL FOUNDED ON TROUBLES
«A new year is in sight ....»
«... May I fill it with more merits than the last one! Pray for that, that
our Jesus may give me the means*.
M. Sacred Heart wrote those words to D. Josd Maria Ibarra on 2nd
January 1884; he was the priest who had directed her in her youth. A new year
had come, and she could ask what it would bring for her: the approval of the
Holy See, or the decrec of praise? Further development of the present
foundations, and some new ones? Many things could happen in twelve months
if they came as quickly as in the previous year.
«You have no idea how famous our schools are becoming, the one in
Cordova and the one here* wrote M. Pilar from Jerez. «What is bad is the
one there, I think ... let us see if something can be done*1. That was true: the
worst schools were those in Madrid; not through lack of interest in this
apostolate, but on account of the poor sites. No one knew that more than M.
Sacred Heart; to her mind the first need was the enlargement of the school
mentioned by M. Pilar in her letter. It seems that they were both agreed on
that point. Neverthless, what suffering it cost to carry out the plan! Without any
doubt, the work in Madrid, especially that on the new Church, was one affair
which marked a stage in the deterioration of the relationship between the two
foundresses.
M. Sacred Heart had clear plans, in which prudence was united with
trust in God:
«... As there are so many vocations, and more, God willing, will
come, mustn't we make an effort, because there is no room now?... I
have thought of something: as the grounds are not worth much, it Ls
foolish to sell them; well, why not mortgage ours, those you think
right, and with what we get for these and for those of the Sisters, wc
could pay off the Bank, and the work could be done? ... I think that if
it is seen that wc have things well planned in Madrid, many will
enter... Perhaps God wants one more effort and a great act of trust in
Him. Well, if that is the case, let us do it, and He will pull us through
as He is always doing. We are going to begin a novena today in
1
U t t e r to M. Sacred Heart, 27th September 1884.
C.3. A Church well founded on troubles 177
community to the Holy Spirit. Think about it too, before God. This
poor house is neglected, and it is the one which has most future,
because there are more possibilities, but it really has to be seen» 2 .
At that time more than thirty religious were living in the house in
Obelisk Parade a number which was continually increasing because it was the
Novitiate house. It was not only the discomfort which worried M. Sacred Heart;
that was the least trouble 3 . What grieved her was that sort of paralysis of
apostolic activities, and the lack of a real public church. Cardinal Moreno had
told them that he would not grant permission for daily exposition of the
Blessed Sacrament until they had a bigger church4. No greater spur was
needed for M. Sacrcd Heart to begin the work. She wanted at all costs that
«everyone should know and love» Jesus Christ, and she wanted so much to
«bring Him to be adored by the people®5.
The unfortunate conflict with an architect
M. Sacrcd Heart began to take the necessary steps for the work. She
consulted one of the most esteemed architects of the day: the Marquis of
Cubas. He did a study and presented his estimate. He was accustomed to work
of this kind, and gave much encouragement to the idea; he said that others had
begun with less financial means, and he had never seen them obliged to stop.
He also trusted in Providence.
Unfortunately for Cubas and for the project M. Pilar distrusted both
from the start. In a letter of 21st March she proposed another plan to M.
Sacrcd Heart, giving a minute, complicated explanation. In general terms her
idea was based on the desire to economize resources. Among the details of her
project was the need to deal with the architect as if he were the foreman. And
he was a well-known professional! «Carry on with my idea; I have thought
about it a lot, and it will give a good result; we should not undertake big things,
even if we had the means, while we are still beginning, because foundations arc
more important. And, as 1 say, this chapel may not be of great artistic taste, but
that does not matter to us, or to most people because they do not understand;
but it will be lovely, idcal».
2
U t t e r to her sister, 7th February 1884.
3
cf. Letter to her sister 8th March 1884.
4
Until papal approval was granted the Institute depended on the Bishop.
Significant words taken from her spiritual writings (Retreat 1890), giving the meaning of the
vocation of the Institute.
178 Part two: 1877-1887
Understanding that it would be very difficult to overcome M. Pilar's

opposition, M. Sacred Heart consulted other persons. «Enclosed is an estimate
from a good architect recommended by the Fathers, who think much of him as
he is the brother of Fr. Rabanal. But see, how absurd!» She wrote to her sister
explaining how the second project cost considerably more than that of Cubas 6 .
A few days later, acknowledging the receipt of a letter from M. Pilar of 21st
she wrote: «I called Cubas as I learned yesterday of your plan about the work,
and 1 told him straight out that this can't be done. I asked him about the cost
of the facade as far as the church, and he said about six or seven thousand
duros. I am thinking this could be done, and God will give more for the rest;
do not doubt it. Fr. Cotanilla told me on Wednesday that he thinks the
Countess of Torreanaz wants to give us 3,000 duros for the schools, without any
interference from her, except a visit now and again. If that is so, I'll accepts .
M. Pilar persisted: «... I am trembling with you getting mixed up with
Cubas». «Trembling»: she was always afraid that her sister would be deceived,
or at least might undertake some foolish or very difficult business. «Cubas only
wants to make a name for himself, that is part of his art ... but wc are not out
for that; that is, to coopcratc in such show. If this gentleman docs not want to
do it, then let it be another much simpler» s .
(It was a pity - quite apart from the lack of understanding shown to
her sister in this affair - that M. Pilar should put such little value on art,
speaking of it as she does in terms which wound culture. The only excusc that
can be made is that the styles in architecture at that time were so poor, so
decadent that the church in Madrid did not lose much by them...)
The worst happened at the beginning of April. The Marquis of Cubas
learned that his plans had been shown to the architect Rabanal, and he was
greatly displeased. Fr. Cotanilla and Cardinal Moreno tried to explain to him
that M. Sacred Heart had actcd in complete good faith, and her conversation
with Rabanal did not imply mistrust of the first architect. In fact Cubas never
spoke to them again; he really did have reasons for being upset.
But what M. Sacred Heart - and still less her sister - could never have
imagined was the importance of that displeasure. M. Pilar was so far from
being aware of this danger that she was pleased at the turn of events: «...I am
glad that Cubas is hurt... and ever since you called me I have wanted to be
there, becausc I fear you will get so involved we shall not find a way out». In
the same letter of 10th May she wrote in answer to M. Sacred Heart's
invitation for her to go to Madrid: «I would be glad if you could come here,
6
Letter of 15th March 1884,
7
8
Letter to her sister 28th March 1884.
community to the Holy Spirit. Think about it too, before God. This
poor house is neglected, and it is the one which has most future,
because there arc more possibilities, but it really has to be seen* 2 .
At that time more than thirty religious were living in (lie house in
Obelisk Parade a number which was continually increasing because it was the
Novitiate house. It was not only the discomfort which worried M. Sacred Heart;
that was the least trouble 3 . What grieved her was that sort of paralysis of
apostolic activities, and the lack of a real public church. Cardinal Moreno had
told them that he would not grant permission for daily exposition of the
Blessed Sacrament until they had a bigger church 4 . No greater spur was
needed for M. Sacred Heart to begin the work. She wanted at all costs that
«everyone should know and love» Jesus Christ, and she wanted so much to
«bring Him to be adored by the people* 5 .
The unfortunate conflict with an architect
M. Sacred Heart began to take the necessary steps for the work. She
consulted one of the most esteemed architects of the day: the Marquis of
Cubas. He did a study and presented his estimate. He was accustomed to work
of this kind, and gave much encouragement to the idea; he said that others had
begun with less financial means, and he had never seen them obliged to stop.
He also trusted in Providence.
Unfortunately for Cubas and for the project M. Pilar distrusted both
from the start. In a letter of 21st March she proposed another plan to M.
Sacrcd Heart, giving a minute, complicated explanation. In general terms her
idea was based on the desire to economize resources. Among the details of her
project was the need to deal with the architect as if he were the foreman. And
he was a well-known professional! «Carry on with my idea; I have thought
about it a lot, and it will give a good result; we should not undertake big things,
even if we had the means, while we are still beginning, because foundations are
more important. And, as I say, this chapel may not be of great artistic taste, but
that docs not matter to us, or to most people because they do not understand;
but it will be lovely, ideal*.
2
3
cf. Letter to her sister 8th March 1884.
4
Until papal approval was granted the Institute depended on the Bishop.
Significant words taken from her spiritual writings (Retreat 1890), giving the meaning of the
178 Part two: 1877-1887
Understanding that it would be very difficult to overcome M. Pilar's

opposition, M. Sacred Heart consulted other persons. «Enclosed is an estimate
from a good architect recommended by the Fathers, who think much of him as
he is the brother of Fr. Rabanal. But see, how absurd!* She wrote to her sister
explaining how the second project cost considerably more than that of Cubas 6 .
A few days later, acknowledging the receipt of a letter from M. Pilar of 21st
she wrote: «I callcd Cubas as I learned yesterday of your plan about the work,
and I told him straight out that this can't be done. I asked him about the cost
of the facade as far as the church, and he said about six or seven thousand
duros. I am thinking this could be done, and God will give more for the rest;
do not doubt it. Fr. Cotanilla told me on Wednesday that he thinks the
Countess of Torreanaz wants to give us 3,000 duros for the schools, without any
interference from her, except a visit now and again. If that is so, I'll accept* .
M. Pilar persisted: «... I am trembling with you getting mixed up with
Cubas*. «Trembling»: she was always afraid that her sister would be deceived,
or at least might undertake some foolish or very difficult business. «Cubas only
wants to make a name for himself, that is part of his art ... but we are not out
for that; that is, to coopcratc in such show. If this gentleman does not want to
do it, then let it be another much simpler*8.
(It was a pity - quite apart from the lack of understanding shown to
her sister in this affair - that M. Pilar should put such little value on art,
speaking of it as she does in terms which wound culture. The only excusc that
can be made is that the styles in architecture at that time were so poor, so
decadent that the church in Madrid did not lose much by them...)
The worst happened at the beginning of April. The Marquis of Cubas
learned that his plans had been shown to the architect Rabanal, and he was
greatly displeased. Fr. Cotanilla and Cardinal Moreno tried to explain to him
that M. Sacred Heart had acted in complete good faith, and her conversation
with Rabanal did not imply mistrust of the first architect. In fact Cubas never
spoke to them again; he really did have reasons for being upset.
But what M. Sacrcd Heart - and still less her sister - could never have
imagined was the importance of that displeasure. M. Pilar was so far from
being aware of this danger that she was pleased at the turn of events: «...I am
glad that Cubas is hurt... and ever since you called me I have wanted to be
there, bccause I fear you will get so involved we shall not find a way out*. In
tbe same letter of 10th May she wrote in answer to M. Sacred Heart's
invitation for her to go to Madrid: «I would be glad if you could come here,
6
7
8
Letter to her sister 28th March 1884.
and at the same time perhaps it would be good to see Fr. Rodeles to sec about
a new foundation...* 9 .
No praise is sufficient for the patience poured out here by the Superior
of the Institute, M, Pilar wanted to economize, above all; if she had only tried
to understand the point of view of her sister as well as that of Fr, Cotanilla and
of those people in Madrid... At once the consequences began to be seen of that
imprudence in which M. Sacred against her will became involved. Lack of tact,
not only on the part of M. Pilar, but also a certain amount must be imputed
to an indiscretion of the architect Rabanal. «The business with Cubas has had
the same results as all our important affairs. I am quite peaceful because of my
innocence in the matter. As always those connected with us have felt the bad
effects* 10 . The chief «conncction» was Fr. Cotanilla, who had to put up with
much unpleasantness, not only from Cubas, but also from the Bishop of
Avila11. «I also went to see the Bishop twice. The first time the Bishop was
there, and he saw me walking through the hall, and knowing who I was, he sent
a message that he could not see me. I went the next day because I was told I
should, and 1 was almost pushed out... All this has been caused by Sr. Rabanal,
without any bad intention (brother of Fr. Rabanal) May God reward him; and
then after all that, perhaps he also thinks he has been offended. As I have done
nothing wrong... I am all the more encouraged to draw strength from weakness
so as to get on with the work* 12 .
It was not easy to discourage M, Sacred Heart. And perhaps that was
just for the reason she gives in her letter. Because she was always sure that best
source of energy is one's own weakness; and so she was always able to «to
draw strength from weakness*.
A letter with details
The worries about the work in Madrid did not take up all the attention
and dedication of the foundresses. They worked at the development of the
Institute, especially in the tasks commended to each one. But M. Sacred Heart
never forgot for a moment the consciousness of her own special responsibility
before God and before the Institute, for all the members of the Institute. A
letter written in 1884 is the best proof of this. It is addressed to the community
in Cordova, without a Superior at that time because M. Pilar was in Jerez; but
9
10
11
The Bishop Mgr. Sancha was a great fnend of the architect, and he felt offended himself.
From the letter quoted.
180 Part two: 1877-1887
it would have been of interest to any Sister. Their frequent correspondence with
Mother explains why she was always in debt to some of them, and at times, to
nearly all of them. She must have found herself in this situation at the
beginning of 1884:
«I cannot bear such a long silence any more, but don't think it is
through forgetfulncss, still less a weakening of love, because that is not
so; but it is all the business which surrounds me, as you will realise
when you get rid of those little temptations which never cease to come.
Isn't that true? Not an hour passes when I do not think of you, and
often I do not stop thinking of you all and those in that house, and 1
say to Our Lord: 'Lord, I placed the veil of consecration on all of
them, and 1 have done everything 1 can to make them know and serve
you with the greatest fervour and joy of heart. Will you do me the
favour of inscribing them all in your Heart, and then may they rejoice
with you for all eternity?' It seems to mc that He gives an affirmative
answer through the trials, which are the surest way».
On reaching this point she was able to think of the special providence
of God towards that group of Sisters who had followed her in her pilgrimage
during the first years of the Institute. If her greatest efforts were that all people
«might know and love Christ», then still more earnestly did she dedicate herself
to that same task with the persons nearest to her, her own Religious. «Servc
the Lord with joy» Had not joy been one of the distinctive marks of the
community from those very first days in Madrid? Then she would have
remembered the very special graccs by which cach sister becamc a marvel of
God's love - «ask Jesus how yon can repay such benefits*; «what is bad, yes,
very bad... is getting upset and believing that God does not love you» -. And
she could not but remember the two who had already reached the end of their
life, one of them in the house in Cordova. Engraved in the Heart of Jesus
Christ with fire, these were enjoying Him for all eternity.
«How glad we should be, my dear Sisters, at keeping our good God
pleased, and because He wants to dwell amongst us, and that wc
should be the means by which others please Him!
But although we are small, very small (because we arc), and if
anyone of our Congregation thinks she is something, she deserves to
be locked up in a madhouse; yet our aspirations, resting in God, must
be very great, not in showy things, just because wc are so small, but in
small virtues, here in the small things, imitating Jesus, Mary and
Joseph*.
In her own person and in the history of the Institute, she had
experienced the impotence, the deep-seated inability to lead their lives along
humanly secure paths, prudently planned with foresight. But she did not feel
only the impotence - the impossibility of acting with her own efforts - rather
she realised her littleness, her own humble state. This feeling accompanicd M.
Sacred Heart throughout her life. «Little». «If anyone in our Congregation
thinks she is something, she deserves to be locked up!» They had been helped
so much by life, by poverty, by their insecurity to consider themselves poor,
people of little account! But they possessed a treasure greater than all riches:
their unity. In a certain sense, they were all the first stones of the building;
those stones which, to quote St. Augustine: «do not become a house of God
unless they are united by charity*13.
«Now, my dears, while wc are still at the foundations, let us go

down deeply, so that the storms that come may not demolish the
house; all together as one, leaving no crack anywhere for the devil to
put in his elaw of disunion. All united in everything, like fingers on a
hand, then we shall succeed in whatever we do, because we have God
Our Lord for our own».
Once again the parable of the wise builder, God had prepared the
building, He had gathered them together; but it depended on them to preserve
it. She was thinking, no doubt, about the «storms» which come into any human
life. Did she perhaps foresee some of them? In any case, she trusted in the
fraternal union of that community, and in the union of the members of the
Institute, for the strength which would keep the building standing. Until that
moment, the year 1884, she could be pleased. In Cordova, and in Jerez as well
as in Madrid, «they were succeeding in everything*; they had the Lord for their
own.
The most solemn paragraph comc towards the end of the letter,
straight from her own experience, and mentioned countless times in the
writings of M. Sacred Heart, and seen still more in her life:
«Let us give our whole, whole heart to God; don't keep anything
back, for it is very small and He is very great; and not wrinkled up, but
plump, full of His love and nothing of our own. Let us increase our
zeal for souls; but not only for eight or ten, but for millions of
millions, because the heart of a Reparatrice 14 should not be limited
13
St. Augustine applied these words to the Church (Sermon 336: PL 38,1472).
The Institute still had the name «Reparatrices of the Sacred Heart».
182 Part two: 1877-1887
to any number, but to the whole world, for they are all children of the
Heart of our good Jesus, and all of them cost all his blood, which is
too precious to allow a single drop to be lost».
All the words, all praise seemed little to her when speaking to the
Sisters about the grandeur of their vocation; about that special incorporation
into the redeeming mystery of Christ, with its universality - «let us increase our
zeal for souls,... for millions of millions* - and with the love which had led Him
to the pain of the cross. She used here some language, some comparisons
which might appear to contradict her earlier exhortation that everyone in the
Congregation should consider herself small; or mad... But no. She had also said
that «our aspirations, supported by God, must be very great*; now she gives a
little more explanation: as big as the world. All, all, the word which occurs most
often in the paragraph. And heart: because in order to do something for God,
or rather, in order to allow God to do something within a person, it is essential
to open wide the depths of one's being. And Heart, with a capital; that is, the
love of Him who gave the last drop of His blood for all people, so as to gather
together all the dispersed children of God (cf. Jn. 11,52).
M. Sacred Heart was aware that she had expressed some of her
deepest desires in this writing. Towards the end, as if wanting to dispel the
solemnity of that letter, she said: «Now see, if I haven't almost written you a
sermon*... Then she added: «but I still have more to say, although it seems to
me that this is enough to remind you of all that you heard so often in the
Novitiate. Isn't that true?*
The letter, «almost a sermon* went to Cordova where it was kept «as
a treasure*. Rather, knowing its value they wanted to share with the other
house in Andalusia the joy of reading it and pondering on it. «How much we
liked your letter; it has done so much good to our souls! The Sisters are
overflowing with joy ever since we received it; everyone is copying it ... I am
thinking of sending a copy to Jerez* 1S . M. Maria de San Ignacio said this; she
was then in charge of the community in Cordova. She did not know, and
neither did the author of the letter, how far it was to travel to other
communities and to other times. From that moment the Handmaids have been
repeating, actively and passively, in silent and in community prayer, in some
rather learned writings, and in homely writings, the principal ideas, just as they
were written. «A11 united in everything, like fingers on a hand*. «Let us give
our whole, whole heart to God*. «Let us increase our zeal for souls, for
millions of millions,..* And they have always remembered one of the sentences,
a serious admonition which is difficult to follow always: «lf anyone in our
1S
Letter from M. Ma. de S. Ignacio, 22nd Jan. 1884.
Congregation should think she is something, she deserves to be locked up...»
Another architect and other plans
Plans for the work in Madrid had filled the year 1884. When their
contract with Cubas was broken off, M. Sacred Heart set about looking for
another architect who might work within the terms of simplicity and economy.
In order to gain more ideas she visited the Jesuit college in Chamartm. «The
school is beautiful; the Church, very attractive, but simple; it has cost them a
lot, and his works are nothing like those done by good architects* 16 . These
words reveal that although Mother was able to give way to others in her desire
for peace, yet she did not easily give up her own ideas. She always remembered
Cubas, who in the general opinion was efficient professionally and a man of
good taste. «The one recommended to us by Cam ana has still not come yet.
I don't know what to think; it seems that the devil does not want the work,
because it's all obstacles, and the more keen we are on doing it, the more
difficulties arise. Or perhaps it is not God's will; I don't know*1 . M. Pilar
saw the business hopefully, she was calm now that she no longer had to worry
about the famous architect and his possible financial demands: «The fact that
there are contradictions in this work is not a sign that God does not want it...
that is not to be thought, because it is so much needed; only we must fit in, not
with what others do, but with our own possibilities*18.
At the end of May the work was entrusted to the architect D. Jos6
Aguilar. «They have not brought the new plans yet. Don't be afraid, I am not
letting you in for any trouble, as you fear* answered M. Sacred Heart to M.
Pilar, using the letter's own words against her. «There are different opinions
about the facade of the church; some think it should have one; others no, and
among them Fr. Cotanilla. And you, what do you think?* 19
«The demolition of the building has begun. The architect has not yet
given in his plans, because he will be away until the feast of S. John. There is
very little ground, and it must be divided up well for all that we need; if you are
not urgently needed there I should be glad if you could come and give your
opinion, and accounts could be worked out on the spot* 20 . In truth she did
not take a step without speaking to her sister about it first. M. Pilar answered
16
Letter to her sister, 24th May 1884.
17
Ibid.
18
Letter to M. Sacred Heart, 25th May 1884.
in
Letter 5 June 1884.
2ft
Letter to M. Pilar, 22nd June 1884.
184 Part two: 1877-1887
by return of post: «I want to go there, as you suggest, and I ask you to delay
all definite plans; I think it would be better if I were there, and could give my
reasons...* 2 It is clear too, that M. Pilar considered herself indispensable in
questions of buildings and financial matters.
The two sisters met in Madrid at the beginning of July. There M. Pilar
could see the architect's plans, and at first hand her sister's arrangements. M.
Sacred Heart would have said more or less the same in speaking as she had
written a few days earlier: «I have great hopes that God Our Lord must give
us enough to complete the whole work, which is absolutely needed. You will
see my accounts: 4,000 from Ramon, or rather, 5,000, because 4, were from
Antonio; 10,000 from Joaquina ...; 6,000 from Remedios, and another 6,000
from her sister. God will give the rest ... we Religious must live with a little
faith ...»" Those were her plans. She did not avoid prudent calculation, but
above all she trusted in God, She knew by experience that resources seem to
multiply when a plan is needed.
Death of a great protector
The year 1884 brought a great loss to the Institute: the death of the
Cardinal Archbishop of Toledo, a constant protector of the Institute. John of
the Cross Ignacio Moreno died on 28th August. There is no need to dwell on
the consternation of the foundresses and even of all the Religious. Those who
belonged to the first group of the Congregation knew him very specially. His
authority, his prestige in the church of Spain meant less to them than the
kindness he had always shown to those Religious for whom he had been
providential in a time of complete darkness and uncertainty. M. Sacred Heart
arranged for solemn obsequies in the three houses of the Institute. In the house
in Madrid the bell was rung for nine consccutive days, the Novices taking turns.
(This really was an exaggeration, but Mother considered all expression of
sorrow was little to show how the Cardinal's death was felt in the house;
besides... the bell was so small, it was unable to send out very doleful sounds)
«The Cardinal's death has affected me deeply* M. Pilar wrote at once «May
God send us a good replacement, it is of more concern for that house (Madrid)
than for any. Will it be Fray Zeferino? Although we are on good terms, I
would not like it; but let us leave it to God*
And Fray Ceferino was the new Cardinal of Toledo! In fact, it was the
21
Letter of 25th June 1884.
22
Letter to her sister, 27th June 1884.
23
Letter to her sister, 31st August 1884.
best thing that could have happened to them, because the old questions about
the origin of the Institute were now in the air again because of the business of
applying for papal approval. If anyone was well informed in the matter it was
the ex Bishop of Cordova... and, although he was rather stern, and had not
changed some of his ideas which did not agree with those of the foundresses,
yet he was a holy man and a faithful friend. It was God's providence - His
inscrutable judgement - that his name should be united to that of the Institute
to which, involuntarily, he had caused so many worries.
In any case the Cardinal did not stay long in Toledo; he returned
immediately to Seville. And besides, the diocesis of Madrid-AlcalA was formed
in 1885, and its first Bishop was D. Narciso Martinez Izquierdo.
There were other things to think about at that time. M. Sacred Heart
confided the care of the Novitiate to M. Purisima. «All is going well with the
charges. Javier is a treasure, and so is Salvador. What is needed now is that I
should speak to the Novices now and again, because Purisima is rather stiff,
although they are happy...» The Mistress whom they had appointed had always
seemed rather exacting - «how discreet she is; but still rigid; it will not be easy
to change that* 24 - but both M. Sacred Heart and M. Pilar considered her
very favourably on the whole.
Mother was also worried about the situation in Jerez and Cordova,
both houses with no fixed superior, because M. Pilar was in charge of both
communities. Besides that, in Jerez they were waiting for the Cardinal to grant
them the church of the Trinity. «Now what about the church? I do not like
flattery, but perhaps it would help if you were not so off-hand with some
worthy ecclesiastics... I know you, you cling on to one Father and pay no
attention to another...* 25 A delicate comment, and very true. M. Pilar trusted
blindly in Fr. Cermeno's direction in all the business of the house, and there
were some ecclesiastics in the town, including Jesuits, who did not like this
exclusiveness. This situation was complicated when Fr. Cermeno was sent to
Puerto de Santa Maria, because M. Pilar sometimes had to go there to speak
to him. Then M. Sacred Heart told her very gently that some persons were
surprised at these journeys, even though there was no reason for scandal of any
kind. «It is not true to say that 1 go often to Puerto; I go very rarely...* M. Pilar
answered 26 . On another occasion she reminded her of what they both had
had to suffer in their youth on account of gossip about the parish priest of
Pedro Abad, D. Jos6 Maria Ibarra. «What wrong were we doing? Yet, were we
24
Letter from M. Sacred Heart to her sister, 15th May 1882.
25
Ibid. 11, June 18S4.
26
186 Part two: 1877-1887
allowed to livc?» 27 M. Pilar was right, although her sister's reminder was
very prudent; and above all, it was given very, very, gently.
Helping «to make a house for God*
The first stone of the church in Madrid was laid in the autumn. «For
goodness' sake don't have a lot of show for the laying of the stone. I dislike
that very much». M. Pilar never stopped speaking against what was a kind of
obsession for her 28 . «... Get many prayers, yes; Let everyone be praying at
that time; let us know the day, and if possible the time, so that in Cordova and
here (in Jerez) we can all be united in it; and let us see if it is done without
any interruption*. It seems that she was not quite satisfied, in spite of being
concerned about the building. «Don't worry about the money* M. Sacred
Heart said various times «God has to give us whatever we need in moderation;
this does not mean that we should not be prudently making provision*29.
Many prayers had been ordered, but it was not only with prayer that
the community had to take part in the construction. One of the chroniclers of
that time wrote: «When work began on the church M. Sacred Heart
encouraged us to help there, helping with our own hands to make a house for
God and to save wages. We all joined in very happily. After supper and first
thing in the morning we set to work. The Sisters went down into the
foundations and brought out the earth. Everybody was there, the Mothers, the
Novices, everyone; some carried the baskets, others pushed the barrows filled
with sand, etc; all in deep silence so that we could not be heard over the fence.
I must mention ... the workmen were amazed at the progress of the work, and
they declared that as the work was by contract, they gained the advantage* 30 .
Cemented with toil and labours the church in Madrid grew with this
poetic story which evokes that of St. Francis of Assisi and his companions when
they worked so hard to rebuild the church of S. Damian,
27
Letter to her sister, 12th September 1884.
29
Letter of 22nd November 1884.
30
MARIA DEL CARMEN ARANDA, Hiswiy of M. Sacred Heart 1 p. 10-11.
Chapter IV
BUILDING WALLS AND LAYING NEW FOUNDATIONS
The anxieties of 1885
The invaluable interest of Mgr. Delia Chiesa was the most important
factor which by the end of 1885 practically settled the business of papal
approval. The Institute can well be grateful to the one who became Benedict
XV.
From the beginning of the year the question of Rome came once more
to the forefront, amid the other projects which claimed constant attention. In
January they were notified that the Society of Marie Reparatrice had had
recourse to the Sacred Congregation asking the «Spanish Reparatrices* to
change the name of their Institute because of the confusion caused with their
name.
It seems strange that the Holy See should give so much importance to
the names of Institutes, but it was a fact at that time. Yet the efforts were in
vain on this point, because as soon as one Congregation changed its name so
as not to repeat that of another, four or five more arose with identical or very
similar names. One has only to look through the Annuario Pontificio or any
Guide to Religious Institutes to confirm this. The Congregation founded by the
two Porras sisters was one of those obliged to change. They accepted it with
docility, not with such indifference as when they had changed the habit. They
saw something of their very vocation reflected in the name, as did some of
those who were advising them, such as Fr. Cotanilla and the Secretary of the
Nunciature, Mgr. Delia Chiesa.
The year 1885 was closely filled, almost exhaustingly, with these
negotiations together with the worries about the construction of the church in
Madrid and two new foundations: Saragossa and Bilbao. Each one of these
affairs was a difficult undertaking; but all together, and impinging one upon
another and all tinted with the penitential colour brought on by the lack of
understanding between the foundresses, they caused M. Sacred Heart no small
practicc in the Via Cruris which she would soon have to travel.
Walls rising amid troubles
The new architect of the church in Madrid was carrying on the project
in the midst of difficulties. It is true to say that his manner of directing the
work tried their patience. «D. Jose Aguilar also lacks energy, the work is going
188 Part two: 1877-1887
to be more expensive than Cubas' plan. You cannot imagine how dull he is, and
I think a lot of money is being wasted, because he is so slow, and he does not
get about to see that the men are doing nothing and money is spent
thoughtlessly*, thus wrote M. Sacred Heart to her sister 1 . A few days later she
told her that she had «shortened D. Josd's sails*, and had made him admit that
the facade should be of ordinary brick, cheaper than the one planned by the
architect. «Now is when they are really going to begin, because the church must
be roofed by June; I trust that God will help us, without any doubt* 2 .
As she could sec the work progressing in which she had so much
interest, Mother considered the need for money quite natural, as well as the
fact that the first estimate should increase as the months went by. M. Pilar
from the very beginning had doubted the wisdom of building a large church.
Now from a distance she saw the increase of expenses with mounting
displeasure. The project was going to cause real bitterness for the two of them.
Their state of mind had great influence on the development of events. M.
Sacred Heart's attitude may be summed up by saying that she was enthusiastic,
optimistic and confident about the project; M. Pilar, on the other hand, was
rather sceptical, pessimistic and apprehensive. M. Sacred Heart was the
Superior, but she could hardly put her idea into practice, and besides, she
always preferred to give in for peace sake. M. Pilar was her sister's subject, but
she was in charge of the administration, and she had to transact the business
for acquiring money for the work. Hence she was a rather special subject, who
held to her position firmly in the facc of expenditure which she considered
excessive.
In general terms these were the grounds for conflict. To go into detail
would require lengthy discussions and more or less objective reasoning. M.
Pilar never failed to express her sincere repentance as she tried to make up for
her frequent outbursts. «I cannot forget, with great sorrow, how I behaved to
you and even to those poor Sisters, to whom I was not kind; but Our Lord
knows how different my feelings are; it is a temptation, and I cannot overcome
it* . «I am afraid that it is my fault that God does not protect us more; and
then they say I am necessary for the Congregation!* 4 It was really something
so complicated, like all such situations of lack of understanding between
persons. Lack of understanding, the worst of human martyrdoms, is sharpened
when it causes division between persons who love each other, and who are
sincerely united by an ideal; and in this case the ideal was shared by persons
1
24th-25th February 1885.
2
Letter of 1st March 1885.
3
Letter to her sister, 23rd January 1885.
4
C.4. Walls and new foundations 189
belonging to the same community of blood.

M. Sacred Heart wrote to her sister at the beginning of March asking
for a sum of money needed to continue the work: «As you will understand, now
is the time when more will be needed here, because the heaviest part is over,
and the work has to fly if it is to go forward®. And, foreseeing the effect of this
request on M. Pilar, she added: «Now all is sorrow, later on all will be joy
because Our Lord is going to give it to us all together; I count on it as
certain* 5 . As a practical way of meeting the situation she suggested borrowing
money.
She did not have to wait long for the answer: «Your letter of last night
upset me a lot, because I can see your delight and our misery, which you do
not know because you are not aware of the expenses*. M. Pilar thought that
they could spend about five or six thousand duros; the work would have to be
stopped if they needed more. And she added a list of things which clearly
showed her adamant approach and her conviction that her sister's ideas were
injudicious. «I am as interested as you are in this work, but only as far as it is
prudent ... God cannot bless errors, neither is it the part of Providence to be
imprudent*, and she considered the idea of borrowing money at interest to be
imprudent and even rash. «Don't be upset; I write this so that you may know
the situation*6.
Although M. Sacred Heart based her calculations on Providence, she
was a sensible person and she had reasons to support her idea; it was painful
to be accused of being reckless or deluded, no matter by whom. She tried to
explain. «I am not displeased when you write as you did, but what does hurt is
that you think we do not work out our accounts*, she answered three days
later as she explained her plans and the money she had available. She wrote
to M. Pilar: «You worry, just as I do, without need; up to the present we only
have reason for giving thanks unceasingly to Our Lord, because it seems that
He anticipates all our desires*. She acknowledged that they did not have money
to spare, but this was partly due to the necessary expenditure made by M. Pilar
in the houses of Cordova and Jerez.
This was true, and it was also true that in general there was financial
need; although the Congregation owned property it was not easily disposed of.
In a ccrtain sense M. Pilar's fears were well founded, but so too was M. Sacred
Heart's rcproach. If her sister had believed that the work in Madrid was as
necessary as that in Cordova or Jerez she would certainly have found a way to
provide resources. M. Pilar was deeply opposed to the project. Her reasons -
5
Letter of 8th-9th March 1885.
6
7
Letter of 13th-14th April 1885.
190 Part two: 1877-1887
not all to be rejected - were always tinged by that basic attitude, and it is very
difficult to distinguish how much was conviction and where prejudice came in.
Her answers to M. Sacred Heart's explanations illustrate what we have
said rather well. She felt that her sister was clinging to her own opinion, while
in fact this was not the case, because M, Sacred Heart, after giving her reasons,
showed that she was ready to stop the work. M. Pilar wrote: «I do not like to
speak so harshly, but I see it is necessary, and, believe me, I am amazed that
you, whom I know to be virtuous (while I am not) should be so lacking in
conformity and resignation* 8 . Those were hard words said to anybody; and
besides they were inconsiderately addressed to a Superior. But it must be
remembered that they were spoken between sisters, and hence considerably
sweetened by confidence. But in any case the tone of the dialogue between the
foundresses was rising, and was beginning to leave its mark on both. In M.
Sacred Heart it left the pain of distrust and a certain scorn felt in her own
flesh; in M. Pilar it was the bitterness of discontented rebellion.
In the middle of April the work on the church and the enlargement of
the house in Madrid came to a halt. M. Pilar had said: «Let them finish the
gallery, which is the most urgent, and let us wait for Providence, because for
the moment we have done more than is reasonable* 9 . Four days later M.
Sacred Heart told her briefly: «The work has been stopped; the gallery cannot
be used; it would need a lot of expense* 10 .
The work was restarted in the autumn. When the rains began to fall
at the end of the summer upon the uncovered walls of the church, much rain
had fallen on the work in another sense. And the upset had greatly influenced
the general progress of affairs, worsening the relationship between the
foundresses. Nevertheless, the friction did not annul their affection, or rule out
their familiarity; partly because of the patience and forbearance of M. Sacred
Heart, and partly on account of the extraordinary support of all who belonged
to the Institute, which made it almost impossible for them to perceive their
limitations. (And it is unquestionable that such great love had to be based on
the existence of very positive qualities not only in M. Sacred Heart, but also in
her sister M. Pilar).
8
9
Letter of 13th April 1885.
10
Living and dying singing
In Cordova Maria de San Ignacio was dying. She was departing for
heaven just as all of them were living and dying; that is, with scarcely time to
be aware of the illness which had been dragging on for months and years.
Maria de San Ignacio did not die as the others did, of pneumonia, but of the
heart. For some time she had been feeling choked, but she continued to sing,
singing with that voice which everyone found so moving. It was her way of
speaking to God, and Maria de San Ignacio did not keep silence easily. She was
D. Josd Maria Ibarra's sister, as we have said before, and was very different
from him. He was reserved, timid. She was lively and communicative. She was
so lively that after her death, a contemporary account referring to the chief
events in her life, said that she «was converted*, but in reality she had nothing
to be converted from, because all the vanity of her youth had consisted only in
singing and playing the guitar.
Maria de San Ignacio knew the two sisters in Pedro Abad when she
lived in the village with her brother, the parish priest. Later on she was one of
the first to enter the convent in San Roque Street, when the Rcparatriccs had
their Novitiate there. Without any doubt she always followed the path marked
out by the decision of the Porras sisters, helping them with her lively optimistic
temperament.
She belonged to the community of Cordova from its foundation, and
acted as Superior there during M. Pilar's absences. At the end of 1884 her
shortness of breath became almost continual, and she quickly became helpless.
She had to stop singing, of course, but she was able to smile until the very end.
One of the Religious wrote to M. Sacred Heart in the middle of March saying
that after one of her attacks M. Maria de San Ignacio was «very swollen and
fatigued, but like a saint... patient and pleasant in everything and always*11.
Once again death came to the Institute with all its lessons, with its
promise of hope and its seed of glory, but also with its pains. Maria de San
Ignacio had loved the two foundresses whole-heartedly, and her affection was
amply returned. M. Sacred Heart made a journey to Cordova in 1885 in order,
among other things, to see her. She was to live till the summer with alternating
ups and downs. During that time M. Sacred Heart wrote her a letter which
expresses beautifully her thoughts on the great truths of life and death; what
friendship meant to her with its sorrows and satisfactions, and shows how her
human love was transfigured, but not annulled, by a love and a hope which do
not end with death:
11
Letter from Ma. de la Cruz, 16th March 1885; a few lines added to a letter from M. Pilar.
192 Part two: 1877-1887
«My dear Maria de San Ignacio: So you are still rather ill? Happy
you! You know that one part of me feels this more than I can say, for
many reasons, but above all hecause you have heen my companion in
sorrows.... The higher part of me, in some way is pleased hecause you
are heing purified here helow, so that if it is the will of our Jesus to
take you away, He will give you the eternal emhrace at once. What joy,
my dear; if only I could change places with you! Be very happy;
delighted. To see the Jesus of your soul and to he with Him for ever!
Are you not longing for that with all your heart, and do the hours of
waiting seem eternal? But, at the same time, be resigned to His
adorable will, and do not be impatient with your troubles, because
then you would tarnish your crown, and I would not like that.
I will write to you very often; know that I keep you very much in the
heart of Jesus, I who love you so much and embrace you, Mary of the
Sacred Heart of Jesus» 12 .
She lived for a few months more, very patiently, offered to God with
the sweet smile which she had always had. She died at dawn on 22nd August:
«... That very night, although she was unable to speak ahout other things, from
time to time she never ceased to repeat the ejaculations suggested to her, and
a short time hefore she died the Father 13 asked her if she remembered a
little hymn to Our Lady; she said, Yes, and hegan to sing it; and she said My
Jesus! with such fervour that everyone who heard her was edified...*14.
M. Sacred Heart said: «A great sorrow for many people; the
consolation is that they will all go straight to heaven. Could anyone
douht that in the case of a dying person who uses her last strength to sing?
The Bishops of Spain praise the Institute
In the middle of April somebody told M. Sacred Heart that papal

approval was now a fact. «They say that the rules are approved now...» she
wrote to her sister on 17th of that month, still not quite convinced. «The news
from Rome has made me crazy»; answered M. Pilar, «but seeing how coolly
you have said it, I am afraid it is not sure, and I would find it very hard to
12
Undated letter, most likely written about March or April 1885.
13 Fr. Manuel Molina S J. who helped her.
Diary of the house in Cordova, 21st-22nd August 1885.

15
believe that no such approval exists*16.

But finally they had to accept that the news was false. M. Sacred Heart
wrote: «I don't know anything officially about the rules ... I have written to D.
Isidro, and tomorrow I'll write to Mgr. Segna, auditor at the Nunciature, who
is the one most interested* 17 . M. Pilar reproached her for speaking of the
affair to a Jesuit, and even to herself without being sure: «I have had such good
results through keeping silent about things, and such harmful ones with ill
effects through the contrary, that I am excessively careful about reticence. And
I know that you do not speak as much as I do, but you have become talkative,
and this is something I have been trying to correct in myself for a long time,
for I see how disedifying it can be ...»18.
The truth is that by this time the consultor of the Sacred Congregation
had not even given in his report. He did so on 6th May. Fray Thomas Bonnet,
O.P. the consultor, was of the opinion that the name should be changed, not
only because of the confusion which might be caused with other Institutes, but
also for theological reasons. According to him, to be called «Reparatrices» was
like attributing to oneself the functions which Christ alone possesses, and in a
side sense, Our Lady. But the consultor's opinion had one positive aspect which
led to optimism: the commendatory letters from the Bishops were so much in
favour that it did not seem imprudent to grant the decree of praise to the
Institute. After settling the question of the name, of course 19 .
The reports - commendatory letters - from the Spanish Bishops were
a real consolation. Those from Cordova, Santander, Segorbe, Toledo, the
Patriarch of the Indies and the auxiliary of Madrid had been sent in 1881.
Fray Ceferino, Bishop of Cordova said: «Nothing more is to be
desired, their conduct is perfectly in accord with the prescriptions of the
Church, and perfectly conformed with the general spirit of religious Institutes,
and with that of the Congregation.... Judging by the perfection and regularity
of life observed today within this Congregation, the Sisters of which are
distinguished by the spirit of union and charity, of humility, obedience and
interior mortification, there is good reason for hoping that this religious
Congregation will be very useful and advantageous...*
The Bishop of Segorbe said: «... The undersigned has known that there
exists only mutual and fraternal charity among equals, maternal affection and
prudent zeal in the superiors, and in all of them, absolute obedience and
16
Letter to her sister 19th-20th April 1885.
17
Letter to her sister 21st-26th April 1885.
18
Archives of the Sacred Congregation of Bishops and Regulars; handwritten copy by Fr.
Lesmes Frias, S J . in the archives of the Handmaids of the S. Heart.
194 Part two: 1877-1887
limitless loyalty towards the Holy See...» The Patriarch of the Indies said he
was «sure that such a pious Institute would be useful for religion and for
society, for they were dedicated not only to constant adoration of the Blessed
Sacrament, but also to the instruction of youth, and especially poor children®.
Cardinal Moreno admitted that he had experienced the usefulness of the
Institute and of its Constitutions - statutes - definitively approved by him in
1880. The auxiliary Bishop affirmed that the Sisters «are animated by an
admirable Gospel spirit, of whieh they have given and are giving proof in the
laudable zeal which they show for education... and in perpetual adoration of
Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament*.
In Rome the Sacred Congregation of Bishops and Regulars could
hardly get over their surprise at such a shower of recommendations, because
they had received contrary reports, not about the Sisters, but about the origin
of the Institute. On 12th June 1885 a decree was published detaining the matter
until the Congregation had expanded further. It also stressed the need to
change the name. Cardinal Ferrieri notified the Bishop of Madrid on 13th July.
There was a series of diverse opinions on this matter. The majority of
M. Sacred Heart's advisers encouraged her to keep to the old title of the
Institute; M. Pilar was stubborn; she did not see that the matter was urgent
now that approval had been deferred by the decree of the Sacred Congregation;
neither did she mind having a change, providing they kept explicitly the
reference to the Heart of Jesus. She was firm about this, agreeing with her
sister and all the religious. The Nuncio (Rampolla), the Secretary of the
Nunciature (Delia Chiesa) and Fr. Cotanilla supported the old name. On the
other hand the Bishop of Madrid-Alcald, Mgr. Narciso Martinez Izquierdo to
whom the decree of the Sacred Congregation had been communicated directly
from Rome, wanted the change. The defenders of the first title saw danger in
giving it up before approval was granted, because they thought it might give an
impression of instability. But above all, the Bishop of Madrid thought it was
necessary to give a clear witness of submission and obedience to the Holy See.
Finally they followed the advice of Mgr. Martinez Izquierdo. «... I am
very pleased indeed to see you start so resolutely along the path of complete
submission. I congratulate you for your adhesion to the Holy See and your
acceptance of the title of "Daughters of the Heart of Jesus", which I hope the
Sacred Congregation will confirm*. Thus wrote the Bishop to M. Sacred Heart
on 5th October. But there were still some difficulties and hesitations; it seems
there was another Institute with the name which had been chosen.
At this moment the advice given by Mgr. Delia Chiesa to M. Sacred
Heart was decisive, and his direct recommendation to the Holy Sec. On 24th
October 1885 M. Sacred Heart signed a petition addressed to Cardinal Ferrieri,
prefect of the Sacred Congregation. This was a detailed explanation of the
Institute as well as an ardent petition. The explanation was clear, orderly and
precise. With humble dignity M. Sacred Heart, having accepted a change in

name for the Institute dared to ask for the decretum laudis.
«As we are always ready to accept with perfect submission and filial
reverence anything ordered by the Apostolic Holy See, we have no
difficulty, Your Eminence, in accepting the new title which is to be
given us; and because our diocesan Bishop wishes us to suggest a
name to that Sacred Congregation, we agree with what Your
Embence proposed by word and in writing, "Daughters of the Sacred
Heart of Jesus"... or some others, such as "Handmaids of the Heart of
Jesus", "Servants or Disciples of the Sacred Heart", or "Congregation
of Reparation to the Sacred Heart of Jesus"».
On reaching this point she added that they were making a real sacrifice
b this because the Institute had borne the title of «Reparatrices of the Sacred
Heart of Jesus» for more than eight years. And they did not mean by this name
to appropriate to themselves in any way the role of redeemer which belongs to
Christ alone. She then described the state of the houses, of their possessions
and of the apostolic work carried out in them. In Jerez they were educating
some 300 children; in Cordova more than 70. In Madrid work was in progress
to enlarge the church and large schools, for teaching was the specific mission
of the Institute, especially for poor children.
She added that at that time, 1885, they were Ihinking of other
foundations, and ever sbce the establishment of the Institute they had been
wanting to open a house «in the holy city of Rome, at the feet of the Vicar of
Jesus Christ on earth».
Fbally comes the petition:
«I have allowed myself to give Your Eminence all this explanation

b case our petitions were not sufficient to give the Sacred
Congregation enough information to form an exact idea of our
Institute, and to see if now we could be encouraged with a decretum
laudis and the apostolic blessbg from our Holy Father*.
After seeking approval by every possible means, all that was left now
was to pray and hope; two occupations which had become natural to M. Sacred
Heart and all the first Handmaids by this time.
Fr. Cotanilla and Mgr. Delia Chiesa took a direct part in drawing up this document, and
the latter translated it into Italian, and added a personal recommendation.
196 Part two: 1877-1887
Contrasts
The last great epidemic of cholera entered Spain in the summer of

1885. The illness was specially prevalent in the provinces of Murcia and
Valencia, but it also reached others. The number of victims was well over
100,000. At the worst moments in the places most affected by the illness there
were 500 or 600 deaths each day. After the earthquakes of the previous year
the epidemic added more complications to a difficult social situation.
The provinces of Andalusia also felt the scourge. For some of them the
cholera came on top of the disastrous effects of the earthquakes, as happened
in Granada and Malaga. The impact of the epidemic was greatly increased by
the primitive health measures and the general lack of hygiene. In order to
counteract this the authorities had recourse to a system of confining to
segregated colonies all persons who arrived in the towns from the affected
areas. Communication between the provinces became very difficult.
The situation of the country during those times is reflected in the
writings of M. Sacred Heart and of her sister. In August Mother went to
Cordova to visit the community. Leaving Madrid in those circumstances was
dangerous. One month before this Alfonso XII had gone to Aranjuez to
sympathise with that town so terribly chastised by the epidemic. The
Government considered that a very foolish journey, and it had been made
against their desires. But in spite of everything, that act added a new wave of
sympathy for that king who was so near death.
M. Sacred Heart was not going to Aranjuez but to Andalusia. From
Cordova she wrote to M. Pilar who was in Jerez, suggesting the possibility of
meeting her there to discuss business matters. M. Pilar rejected the idea. She
saw the danger of the travellers being detained in Jerez, quarantined in one of
the isolation colonics. «Otherwise I would be very pleased to see you, and for
you to see the church, and the Sisters to see you» . Mother gave up the idea
of the meeting. A few days later the two sisters wrote to each other, and their
letters crossed in the post. M. Sacred Heart, in her letter wrote of the benefits
of the journey and of the visit she had made to the community of Cordova. But
M. Pilar, on that day, 31st August, wrote full of reproaches for that journey.
She complained to M. Sacred Heart about her journeys from Madrid «without
need, so often and in such special circumstances as these». She accused her of
neglecting her specific, fundamental duties, for example, the business of papal
approval, «the most important thing for us», and finally she advised her to
return to the capital at once. She finished by attempting to justify that harsh
21
Letters from M. Sacred Heart to her sister, 27th August 1885, and from M. Pilar to M.
Sacred Heart, 28th August 1885.
(2.4. Walls and new foundations 197
letter: «Don't be cross because I say this; I always accept the warnings you give
mc, bccause none of ours dares to do that; they do not even see the faults,
because God allows it». The next day she repeats: «Don't complain about me;
I would not like to displease you: if I say anything it is just the same as you do
to me; it is for our own good and preservation* 22 . In her reply M. Sacred
Heart did not deny this time that her sister's admonitions had gone beyond
permissible limits; and in a few words she said that she would make as many
journeys as seemed necessary to her for managing the Institute 23 .
Foundation in Saragossa
In the autumn of that year she was occupied with the foundations in
Saragossa and in Bilbao. «Herc wc arc living in a poor, very dirty guest house*,
wrote M. Pilar to her sister on 30th September. She arrived in Saragossa
accompanied by M. Maria del Salvador, and in spite of feeling sure that God
wanted that foundation, she felt «terribly distressed and discouraged... which
may God accept in order to kill my pride and vanity, the cause of
everything*24.
She arrived in the town on the evening before she wrote this letter.
The following morning she visited the basilica of Our Lady of Pilar to
commend the foundation to her and to offer her in anticipation all the worries
it would bring. Then they went to see the Cardinal, who received them «as
kindly as possible*, and asked after the Superior of Madrid «whom he
remembered enthusiastically*25.
He was Cardinal Francisco de Paula Benavides, one of the most
faithful friends of the Institute since its establishment in Madrid. He had given
a very favourable report to the Holy See about the Congregation «assured that
it would be useful for religion and for society*. In 1881, the year in which that
report was written he had been appointed to the see of Saragossa, and had
wanted a foundation of the Institute there from that time.
This did take placc within a year, in the town then threatened by the
dreaded cholera, that terrible epidemic which in this case was enhanced by a
special lack of hygiene. M. Pilar was impressed from the very beginning by the
dirty state of the streets and even of the houses, so unworthy of a place
considered «very beautiful and of great importance*. «The streets are wide and
22
23
I n t e r s between M. Sacred Heart and M. Pilar, 31st August and 1st Sept. 1885.
JA
** Letter from M. Pilar to M. Sacrcd Heart, 30th Sept. 1885.
25
Ibid.
198 Part two: 1877-1887
very straight, there are many large squares, and when I arrived last night and
saw it all lit up it was a great surprise®. The artificial light hid the neglect
which became apparent in the morning. But the brilliance of the town at night,
besides making it look beautiful, gave her food for thought. «It has beautiful
views and magnificent houses, but I am afraid the cost will not be within our
hopes* 26 .
The Cardinal found them provisional lodgings in the house of the
Religious of St. Anne. «... He has told us how difficult it is to find a house, and
I believe it, but may Our Lady help us to find one within our reach* 27 .
M. Pilar had a companion who was very good at encouragement.
Because of all that she was to do later on in the Institute, and because of M.
Sacrcd Heart's special affection for her, it will not be out of place to say
something about her now. M. Maria del Salvador was then twenty-five years
old. She was born in San Fernando (Cadiz) and entered the Institute in 1882.
Her name was Pilar Vasquez de Castro y Perez de Vargas. When she
entered the novitiate at twenty-two years of age she had been a widow for two
years, after a brief married life. She met the religious when they were making
the foundation in Jerez and immediately felt a vocation for the Institute. The
«Little widow of the Isle* - as M. Sacred Heart called her in her letters - was
in reality a very young lady, a young girl with the face of an adolescent, with
immense expressive eyes. M. Maria del Carmen Aranda who knew her from
the time when they entered the Institute together, affirmed strongly that she
was «a charming creature*. M. Sacred Heart was especially drawn to her
qualities: «Although Maria del Salvador is rather serious at first, that is not
really her character; she is very bright and cheerful, very much so, and so
desirous of pleasing her superiors that she would give her life to oblige them.
She does not get scandalized easily ... she can embroider in silk just like Maria
de San Javier, and she is the best one for making and painting flowers. She is
good at everything, without any show. You will see* 28 . That mixture of
timidity and charm, that natural modesty was the greatest attraction in the one-
time «Little widow of the Isle*; having become Maria del Salvador she would
enjoy M. Sacred Heart's confidence.
The two religious who went to represent the Institute in Saragossa had
together a pleasant appearance which was soon to capture the hearts of the
people.
Some days after their arrival they found a house with help from the
Religious of Servicio Domdstico. «We are in the house of these holy Mothers
^ Letter previously quoted.

27
Ibid.
28 Lencr from M. Sacred Heart to her sister, 11th May 1885.
of the Servicio Domestico; the Superior wanting us to stay... We arc going to

see a house with her; she is waiting for us, now». Then she added a post script
to the letter: «We have just returned from seeing the house; it is big, but very
old and in bad condition; but we shall be living on our own, and cheaply...*2
They rented the building for one year and began the adaptations essential for
the needs of the Institute; that is, they set about preparing a chapel suitable for
use for public worship, and some rooms as classes for poor children. Living
rooms for the religious were less important; they were all quite used to
managing in any corner.
Several days went by before the community arrived because Saragossa
was seriously attacked by cholera. In the convent of the Servicio Domestico,
which M. Pilar and her companion visited frequently, they met the Foundress
M. Vicenta Maria L6pez y Vicuna who was visiting the community. She was an
old friend of the two Porras sisters: «M. Vicenta asks me to tell you that
although she is cross because we are not living with them, she sends you her
regards* said M. Pilar in a letter to her sister 30 . Her offer deserved their
gratitude. «How kind and good they are* commented M. Pilar «one of their
boarders is dying and they are all suffering a lot in every way*. In fact the pupil
died; she was a girl of thirteen, and some of the Religious were in serious
danger.
Many years later, in an account of the foundation in Saragossa, M.
Maria del Salvador mentioned expressly the event in the convent of the Servicio
Domestico: «... As they were very few in community, there was only the
superior, a postulant, M. Javiera who was seriously ill and the little Sister who
was worn out because she had been looking after them all. When M. Pilar saw
this, and as we had nothing to do, she thought we ought to offer them our help.
But she hesitated, thinking that if I became ill, or even died, through her fault,
what would M. Sacred Heart say. And I was still more afraid, thinking that this
might happen to M. Pilar. In the midst of this struggle, not daring to go there
because of our fears, one morning M. Pilar told me that she was not feeling
well and would not go out for some business which she had on hand. I believed
her, and in the afternoon she sent me out with a good lady from the
convent 31 to settle the business (I am not sure if it was to pay something). I
went out, and when I found myself in the street without Mother my feet took
me to the Servicio Domestico. 1 arrived and M. Vicenta came to the staircase
(the foundress); she had come, knowing the difficulties. She took hold of my
hands and begged me not to go in. She had a high temperature. I could do
Letter from M. Pilar to her sister, 4th October 1885.

30
22nd October 1885.
11
This means the house of the Sisters of St. Anne.
200 Part two: 1877-1887
nothing; I realised 32 the situation, and I set out for home in order to tell M.
Pilar. As I turned the corner I met M. Pilar coming along with another lady.
Her illness that morning had only been to prepare the way for her to stay alone
in the house and then go to the Servicio Domdstico convent to see what was
happening... M. Pilar wanted to be the one to stay with the Sisters; but I
reminded her that she had not been well that morning; then she admitted that
that had been an excuse to stay at home alone and do what she did». Finally,
M. Maria del Salvador stayed with the Sisters. The temporary nurse began her
night's work by «going all over that great house with its old patios ... The most
important thing which had to be done was to keep the sick Sister at an even
temperature; she had hot water bottles all round her. The invalid's room was
in a narrow part of the corridor in which there was room only for her bed and
a small lamp; behind a curtain a Sister was resting in case I had to call her. But
I had no need because she slept until 1 called her in the m o r n i n g to ring the
bell. I went round the whole house at 11.30 taking milk to some, and medicines
to others; as they were so few I took something to each one. For a long time
afterwards they called me 'their little nurse'...» 33 .
The first Religious sent by M. Sacred Heart for the new house in
Saragossa arrived on 27th October. They received written permission for the
foundation from Cardinal Benavides on 31st. They worked hard as they always
did everywhere, and in a few months that community was in full swing; among
the Sisters were some so skilful that they could even make the simple furniture
for the house. So of course, they did the painting of the old building
themselves.
As was logical, amid the poverty of the foundation, they did everything
they could to make the chapel the most decent part of the house. M. Pilar
wrote to her sister on 9th November telling her that the Archbishop's secretary
had been to see them. After seeing the chapel he declared it public, partly on
account of his love for the Institute and also because he knew how much the
secretary of the Nunciature esteemed them. M. Pilar wrote: «Let everyone
pray to Our Lord and to Our Lady of Pilar to repay him as we would like to
do, but we arc unable». In fact the Cardinal never regretted granting that
permission. Very few of the churches in the Institute have been so well visited
all the time as was that first public chapel in the High Street of Saragossa.
The schools took somewhat longer. Although tbe opening was planned
for January 1886, the difficulties of tbe site obliged them to delay it until May
of that year. In 1888 the community moved to Teruel Street, where one of the
32 She must have meant 'I noticed'.

33
M. MA. DEL SALVADOR, Account of the foundation in Saragossa, written in 1927; it
contains some mistakes, but is substantially correct.
best churches of the Institute was built; a splendid liturgy was celebrated there
with the fervent participation of the people. Free schools were also opened
there, and shortly afterwards they began to have spiritual exercises for ladies
and young girls.
M. Pilar was right. In Saragossa, in spite of lack of means «Our Lady
arranged everything*.
Bilbao
Negotiations for the foundation in Bilbao began almost at the same

time. M. Pilar and M. Maria del Salvador were in charge of it. In October
1885, during the time between acquiring the house in Saragossa and
establishing the community in it, the two travellers were in the North of Spain.
They went to Vitoria on 20th to obtain permission from the Bishop for the
foundation. They had with them a letter of recommendation from Fr. Balbino
Martin S J.: «These Religious were given an excellent welcome by many people
as they passed through here, and they noticed on many occasions the districts
of old Bilbao and St. Francis with so many children wandering about the streets
and squares, in spite of the many schools. So they are wanting to found their
schools here to educate those poor children, and they ask for your protection
as well as your consent to carry out their idea if the circumstances in their
other foundations in Madrid, Jerez, Cordova and Saragossa allow this. They arc
very close to our Society, and we know how much Cardinal Moreno loved and
protected them in Madrid, and how eagerly they are being accepted in the
other dioceses. And because we can see the fruit of their labours for souls in
their schools and with their daily exposition of the Blessed Sacrament in their
churches as well as with the good example of their virtue, we beg Your
Lordship to receive them and to send them to Bilbao, and wc shall help them
35
as much as possible here as we do in all places* .
This warm letter of approval did not reach the Bishop. It crossed the
two Religious on their way to Bilbao to see the Bishop in Vitoria. Fr. Balbino
Martm repeated by word of mouth to the Bishop, all that he had written in his
letter, and the prelate willingly gave permission for the foundation, which took
place on the last day of January 1886. The first community was established in
a house in St. Francis Street, where they had rented the ground and first floors.
They received the written licence for the foundation on 4th February, and the
34
Letter to M. Sacred Heart, 19th November 1885.
3
® Notes on the foundation in Bilbao, preserved in the archives of the Handmaids. Bilbao
belonged to the diocese of Vitoria at that time.
202 Part two: 1877-1887
chapel was inaugurated the next day. The house in Bilbao produced splendid
fruits from the beginning. The people were enthusiastic about the Sisters - Fr.
Balbino Martin said: «they had never seen such kind religious* 36 . But the
Eucharist was the great attraction, exposed each day from the very beginning
in the chapel. M. Maria del Salvador wrote: «You don't know how much I
enjoy the enthusiasm I see here, not only for ourselves, but for the Blessed
Sacrament ... Every day, Mother, we have Jesus exposed from very early in the
morning.,,» 37 And Fr. Balbino Martin wrote: «... According to their Rule the
religious had exposition of the Blessed Sacrament every day from morning till
evening so that the people could adore Him; and ever since their chapel has
always been visited by all kinds of people...* 38 But above all the faithful
people of Bilbao witnessed to this, as they were continually at prayer in the
church.
The schools too were opened immediately. After a short time about
one hundred and fifty children were attending. A local paper commented: «The
people of that district can be very pleased with the coming of these
religious*39. They could be, and they were 40 . In very few places did the
Institute receive such a warm welcome. And it was soon seen that the
friendliness was not superficial by the extraordinary number of vocations which
flourished in the Basque country.
It is true to say that the foundresses, and especially M. Sacred Heart,
felt great affection for the people of Bilbao. Speaking of the young women who
were asking to be admitted to the Institute, Mother said: «From those parts
(we shall receive them) with our eyes closed*41.
36
Letter to M. Sacrcd Heart, 18th October 1885.
37 Letter to M. Sacred Heart, 5th February 1886.
38 Letter to the Bishop of Vitoria, 26th June 1886.
39
Name of the paper is unknown. The sentence came from an article written by M. Ma. del
Salvador and sent to M. Sacred Heart with a letter of 5th February 1887.
40 Two
r yean later the communi ty moved to Campo Volantfn where a church and schools were
built.
41
Letter to M. Pilar 11th April 1886.
Chapter V
A VERY BUSY YEAR AND A CHANGE OF NAME
At last, the «Decretum laudis*
1886 was to be an important year in the life of the Institute. But, as

always, the graces they were to receive in those twelve months were
accompanied by a thousand small difficulties and one great sorrow. The two
foundresses were well aware of this historic law.
On 15th January Mgr. Delia Chiesa went to see M. Sacred Heart. He
had received an answer from Rome to the report presented the previous
October; it said that the real cause of the delay in granting the decretum laudis
was still the murky legend concerning the origin of the Institute. The Secretary
of the Nunciature assured Mother that he was now ready to clear up any
misunderstandings once and for all. And, in fact, his account had a decisive
influence on the process and on its happy solution. Really, the future Pope
Benedict XV did not say anything new, but perhaps he did speak more
energetically than on other occasions.
A few days later, on 24th January, Cardinal Ferrieri communicated to
the Bishop of Madrid that His Holiness, in view of the Sisters' submission, so
clearly demonstrated in their acceptance of the change of name, was sending
the decretum laudis, as a special favour which must not serve as an example,
and which referred to the end or aim of the Institute, which would be known
under the title of «Esclavas del Sacratfsimo Coraz6n de Jesus* - «Handmaids
of the Sacred Heart of Jesus*.
Their joy at this special blessing from the Pope was overshadowed
strangely by the question of the name. Just at that time the Bishop of Coria,
Mgr. Spinola had founded an Institute called «Esclavas del Divino Coraz6n».
Would that close similarity of name cause any difficulty? M. Sacred Heart
mentioned this to the Holy See. (In fact, she secretly hoped to regain the old
name for the Congregation, or another one like it...) The Sacred Congregation
answered that this was not the Sisters' concern; and as for the new Institute, it
would be obliged to change its name when it applied for papal approval.
M. Sacred Heart, through one of her religious who was a relative of
the foundress, M. Celia Mdndez, informed Mgr. Spinola's Institute of the
answer to her query. The strangest thing took place when some friends of the
Porras sisters decided on their own account to set about uniting the two
Institutes. Among the group were Ramon, brother of the foundresses, and the
priest D. Juan Vacas, brother of M. Preciosa Sangre, the writer of the
«ineffable» chronicles of the first years of the Congregation's history.
204 Part two: 1877-1887
M. Sacred Heart wrote a letter to the Bishop of Coria which is a

marvel of prudence, discretion and taet. She lamented that some well-
intentioned persons, unversed b the matter, had suggested uniting the
Institutes, without counting on them at all:
«... I am sorry about this, not because I do not think it would be an

honour for our Institute, seeing that I venerate and honour the one
which you so worthily direct, but because they took this step without
my knowledge, and still more because I know that when God Our
Lord raised up your holy Institute, He must have destined it to expand
and to give Him much glory in the Church. On the other hand, we do
know that Divine Providence blesses our Institute as can be seen
clearly by its development and increase; it now has five well
established houses and thirty-six novices. All this should lead us to
bless and give thanks to Our Lord who blesses us so visibly*1.
Thus the difficulty was smoothed out.
Although the decretum laudis was dated 24th January, M. Sacred Heart
did not receive it until the first Friday of March, and with it came the
confirmation of the new name for the Institute:
«... Our Holy Father, having in mind the commendatory letters from
the Bishops in whose dioceses are found the houses of the
Congregation, and desiring to grant spceial favours to the Superior and
Sisters of the Institute, graciously decrees that the end or purpose of
the Handmaids of the Sacred Heart of Jesus is worthy of being highly
praised and recommended as by this present decree it is praised and
highly commended...; the approval of the Institute and of its rules is
delayed until the number of Sisters and houses in different dioceses is
greatly increased, even outside Spain, and the Institute is able to give
surer signs of its firmness and stability*.
* Letter written in December 1S86.

C.5. A change of name 205
Handmaids of the Sacred Heart:

«This name means so mucb»
At last! The Papal decrec gave sincere praise to M. Sacrcd Heart and
to the Sisters, who were so closely identified with the mission of the Institute.
It was a stimulus: the Holy See asked for expansion, the foundation of new
houses, crossing the frontiers of dioceses and nations. It also asked for a
renunciation: that of the name. In fact, nearly ten years of continual, deep
experience had accustomcd the foundresses and their companions to preserve
a dynamic attitude which carefully safeguarded the essence but was able to
accept the stripping of accidentals. «Handmaids of the Sacred Heart»; after all,
the Church had preserved the one thing which had seemed to them
untouchable: the Heart of Jesus as the basic reality and touchstone of their
vocation in the Church.
The word «Esclavas» did not sound right at first to some persons. As
we are used to hearing it and to using it, it is rather difficult for us to listen to
it as something new and to revive the impression of those who were used to the
old name, when they heard this for the first time 2 . The important thing then,
as now, was its meaning, and M. Sacred Heart and all her Religious tried to
study that deeply. At that time - 1886 - the Handmaids acccptcd it and so
witnessed their obedience to the Church. As time went on the Foundresses and
the other Sisters would find no better word than "Handmaids" to express their
attitude in the presence of the God who had chosen them.
Many years later, M. Sacred Heart wrote:
«This name means so much. 1 can assure you that 1 bear it with
shame; 1 read and re-read Fr. La Puente's points for meditation on
Our Lady's words: - "I am the Handmaid of the Lord" - my hair stands
on end when 1 think of the account I shall have to give, although
naturally, much less is expected of me because of my littleness*3.
M. Pilar also alluded to the title of the Institute in her own day:
«As I was attending a second Mass ... I had this thought, with great
joy in my soul: by the title of Handmaid, God wants to give me a
certificate that as daughter I am his Handmaid, that is, I cannot be
freed from Him. I consider this name a great favour and assurance ...
2
I;r. Cotanilla was one who opposed the new name most strongly. He himself had suggested
the 3name 'Reparatrices' and many times had given explanations of that name.
Letter to M. Ma. de ia Purisima, 3rd December 1901.
206 Part two: 1877-1887
as a pledge that He has accepted me irrevocably for His own»4.
What was really important was that throughout her whole life M.
Sacred Heart was constantly translating the name of the Institute into her way
of life; she was sure that rather than being a call to perform great works, her
vocation was an invitation to allow these works to be carried out in her. There
was never a Handmaid who lived up to this name better than she, because
there was never one more ready to surrender herself completely to God's will
without imposing the slightest hindrance 5 .
A hasty secret journey
The joys of the decretum laudis found M. Pilar in Bilbao. At first she
had accepted the new name for the Institute without any difficulty. But when
she saw that the Jesuits of that town did not find it very acceptable, she wanted
to try to regain the old name. M. Sacred Heart wrote to Fr. La Torre SJ.,
Assistant General for Spain, asking him if it would be good to suggest to the
Holy See the name of «Company of the Sacred Heart»; but she had not yet
received an answer.
On 2nd May the Bishop of Madrid informed M. Sacred Heart officially
of the decretum laudis. He asked for the Constitutions to be arranged so that
he could revise them and send them again to Rome. The two foundresses
feared the extent of this revision; and they were justified, thinking of their long
past history from the beginning of the Institute.
Worried by this fear, M. Pilar felt one of her urges for immediate
action. From Saragossa, where she had been during those days, she wrote to
her sister: «I have just received your letter, and I sec no other solution but to
go myself to Rome without delay, not telling anyone here ... Let us not waste
time thinking, although the secretary promises to do something. I am writing
to all the houses saying that I am going to make a month's retreat... Let Fr.
Vdlez arrange the Constitutions, and send them to me by registered post. Don't
send any recommendation or anything; if needed we can ask for it from there;
what is important is to go, and be silent ...»6.
Naturally M. Pilar realised that that unexpected journey would seem
an act of madness to many people, but her instinct urged her strongly towards
Rome. «Don't oppose me in this; at least if we do not gain anything, we will
4
Spiritual notes; 1900. Original of M. Pilar.
5
Cf. Spiritual notes 30. Retreat 1893.
6
have done all that we can for our part. And, who can stop me? If you think Fr.
Cotanilla should know, tell him. But, if he is against it? Well, may God guide
you»7.
M. Sacred Heart had not much choice in the matter. She gave
permission for her sister's journey - in any case M. Pilar had said that no
human force could detain her. M. Sacred Heart appointed M. Purisima as her
companion for Rome, and she went to join M. Pilar in Saragossa. They
departed on 7th March 1886 without suspecting that they would be away for
one year. M. Sacred Heart stayed in Madrid burdened with work and with
worries, even more than usual, because M. Purisima's absence left the Novitiate
entirely in her hands.
But doubtless the most difficult part was that silence about the journey
to Rome. How could it be hidden in the end from persons such as the Jesuits,
the secretary of the Nunciature, the Bishop who often came to the house? Of
course M. Pilar never considered that the business might take so long.
Almost as soon as they arrived in Rome, the travellers met Fr.
UrrSburu who was to become such a great help to them. A visit to Fr. La
Torre was not very hopeful. M. Pilar wrote «It is impossible to describe how
harsh this meeting was*. The Jesuit told her brusquely that he had already
answered them about the appropriateness of asking for the name «Company
of the Sacred Heart* 8 , and they should not expect that the Society of Jesus
would undertake the business of re-writing or revising the Constitutions. The
answers were sharp, as was the tone in which they were given. M. Pilar was
left unable to speak, and she even burst into tears. «At last, I don't know if he
was touched by our sorrow, or why it was, but Fr. Torre said that Fr. Urr&buru
could revise and correct the documents; but he must do it with us, and not
appear officially at all. You see how God always opens a door for us ...»9. M.
Pilar would focus on anything that would keep her hopes alive.
When M. Sacred Heart read this letter her fears about the journey
were confirmed; it would be not only useless but harmful. What would the
Bishop of Madrid say? She spoke in confidence to Fr. Hidalgo 10 . He
increased her alarm; and accordingly she wrote to her sister: «... Martires and
I both think that you should return at once, because I am afraid that the whole
affair will be spoilt. Everything can be done better from here; I see this on
account of what you say about Fr. La Torre. God grant that that interview does
no harm here. God is over all, because the intention was good...* She
7
Ibid.
Letter to M. Ma. del Salvador; M. Sacred Heart copies Fr. La Torre's reply.
9
Letter from M. Pilar to M. Sacred Heart, 15th March 1886.
10
Fr. Hidalgo was M. Sacred Heart's spiritual director until 1892 when she went to Rome.
208 Part two: 1877-1887
continued the letter saying that Fr. Jos6 Maria V61ez had offered to help them,
and he advised them to base their work on the plan of Constitutions of the
Reparatrices or of the Company of Mary. As always the Secretary of the
Nunciature was still most interested 11 .
There followed two weeks of uncertainty. M. Sacred Heart struggled
between fear and hope. In the depths of her soul she believed that they were
treading dangerous ground which it would be difficult to leave, but she did not
dare to give definite orders for the return of the travellers. She had two reasons
for this: she did not want to upset M. Filar; but besides that, was not M. Filar
right; wouldn't their negotiations bring about some great benefit for the
Institute? M, Sacred Heart was never a person to believe that she was
absolutely right. A whole crowd of ideas, some of them very painful doubts,
were continually swarming in her head: «... I would not like to fall b t o
temptation, if that is what it is; but I feel more sure each day that you ought
to come back as soon as possible...* The letter in which she wrote this to her
sister crossed with one from M. Pilar in which she spoke of all the advantages
of staying in Rome: «Send a clean copy of the Rules, and if we lose heart on
account of the contradictions which are bound to occur, and the better the
result the worse they will be, you have to support us and forbid our returning
to Spain until we complete the business. When they begin to raise objections
here, wc shall look for reasons and proofs to convince them; at least we shall
see to it that although changcs are made, the rules remain the same*. And the
following day she repeats: Âlthough we may receive more letters in which you
tell us to return, we shall not go until you answer this one and yesterday's* 12 .
One remark by M. Sacred Heart made a deep impression on her sister.
In a letter of 24th March she said that as soon as they had presented the
Constitutions to the Sacred Congregation, the most reasonable thing was to ask
from there for a report from the Bishop of Madrid. In that case what could
they say to the prelate? And this impressed her still more, because when she
had consulted some priests in Rome they had said that the Rules should be
presented first to the Bishop. M. Sacred Heart's fears seemed to be well-
founded. In one of her characteristic reactions, M. Pilar was overwhelmed with
pessimism: «As that is the case, i would leave tonight, as far as I am
concerned, if tomorrow were not Sunday. But as 1 mentioned this to Fr.
L'rraburu today, he said we should wait for a definite order, as I told you. 1 beg
you, give it without delay... Our Lord has allowed my good faith to be deceived
this time, and I humbly beg your pardon ... Rome is getting too much for
11
n
Letters of 23nJ & 24th March 1886.
•I
me* . But while M. Pilar was preparing to return to Spain, M. Sacrcd Heart
decided to inform Fr. Cotanilla. He was dumbfounded; but to her surprise, he
did not disapprove of that journey. «Fr. Cotanilla, whom I told two or three
days ago, was astounded, but he did not foresee any harm* said M. Sacred
Heart . The truth is that by this time the Jesuit must have become used to
dealing with M. Pilar, and he knew her quick reactions and unexpected
decisions. In any case, M. Sacred Heart was freed from the biggest worry in
this business; that is the need for constant dissimulation, for Having to give
evasive answers to persons in whom she had absolute trust. It had been difficult
to conceal the journey of M. Pilar and Purisima from Fr. Cotanilla from the
very beginning, and it was becoming impossible. Being able now to speak
dearly and openly brought back her peace, and with it, great optimism: «I am
at peace now, although I assure you I have never lost it. Fr. Cotanilla says if
I had asked him, he would have opposed it, and he is glad that wc kept it from
him. But he is so enthusiastic now that he does not cease to ask me questions...
I am very well, and I don't need anyone. Fr. Cotanilla docs not see the
difficulties mentioned by Fr. Hidalgo if the Bishop gets to know. Now, be quite
peaceful, just as I am, and get on with the business as well as you can; I'll keep
in touch with everyone, and with God's help I can manage alone for two or
three months* 15 . Still with the same thoughts, she wrote the next day; «God
gives light to the one whom He chooscs for a work, and as Fr. Cotanilla is the
one appointed by God, he sees everything very clearly, and sees no need to give
an account to the Bishop here, for he is a stream, and you have gone directly
to the source... Everything which Father has advised us in the Institute has
turned out well. I will never hide anything important from him again*16.
She, on her part, did not neglect the task assigned to her. While they
were trying to obtain a copy of the Constitutions of St. Ignatius, she was
sending a Spanish translation of the Rules of Marie Reparatrice and of the
rules about teaching from the Constitutions of the Society of the Sacred Heart.
The time taken by the post between Madrid and Rome still kept the
two foundresses in suspense for some days. M. Pilar received with joy the
letters from her sister which wc have just quoted - «it has given us life*, «it has
filled us still more with joy», but M. Sacred Heart was upset when she realized
that M. Pilar was so discouraged by the uncertainties of the situation that
perhaps she might start on the return journey: «I have just received your letter,
which has upset me just as my first ones did for you ... God grant that you have
13
letter to M. Sacred Heart, 3rd April 1886.
14
Letter of 2nd April 1886.
1S
fb,d.
16
Letter of 3rd April 1886.
210 Part two: 1877-1887
not set out on the return journey. Don't move, for goodness' sake» 17 . She
spoke about the matter to Fr. Velez S J . who had offered to help in revising the
Constitutions: «He said yes, it was a rather daring step, but he saw clearly that
it was inspired by God; that we could not have done anything better; go on
without fear. Having Fr. Urr&buru on our side was a special grace from God
which we shall never appreciate sufficiently. Get him well interested in the
matter, he is a wise man and a saint, and well used to this kind of business;
18
when he approves anything, we just bow our head to the ground* .
Very few people will have received more praise than those words
uttered about Fr. Urr&buru. His real worth was increased in the eyes of the
foundresses by the disinterested welcomc they always had from the learned
Jesuit 19 . With extraordinary humility and simplicity M. Sacred Heart added:
«God grant that Father will not get tired of so many ups and downs with us;
I pray to God with all my heart, and I am deeply sorry to have been the cause
of it all». She was writing to M. Pilar, and she ended by quoting the latter's
own words: «You will remember what you said to me in your previous letters:
that sorrows, contradictions, perplexities and sufferings will not be wanting to
us; and all the more according to what we hope to obtain* 20 .
«Our good Fr. Cotanilla united with

Fr. Antonio will help from heaven*
At a good moment M. Sacred Heart said that she would never again
hide anything of importance from Fr. Cotanilla! In the early hours of 1st May -
less than one month after Mother had written those words - Fr. Cotanilla was
found dead in his room. He had been surprised by death while seated at his
desk with a lighted candle and an open book. He was sixty-five years of age,
years well-filled with work and efforts.
«Everything which Father advised for the Institute has come out well*.
M. Sacred Heart could have given no higher praise to the Jesuit, just on the
eve of his death, almost as if she wanted to sum up all that she owed him.
Strangely enough, not only was M. Pilar in complete agreement with this, but
she had said the same in identical words: «I know that whenever Father has
17
Letter from M. Sacred Heart to her sister, 7th April 1886.
18
Ibid.
Fr. Juan Jose L'rraburu, bora in Ceanuri (Vizcaya) 23rd March 1844. Died in Burgos on
11th August 1904.
20
U t t e r of 7th April.
helped us, all has come out well»21.

Knowing how deeply impressed the absent Sisters would be by this
news, M. Sacred Heart wrote a letter preparing them: «I am very sorry because
Fr. Cotanilla is very poorly; I am afraid he is going to give us a shock before
long. He has been very low ever since the Bishop's death 22 . Whatever God
wants ... I'll write tomorrow. Don't worry, if God Our Lord takes him to rest,
He will give us someone else. As letters take so long, if unfortunately Father
should go, whom do you think I should consult? I mean, to take his place.
What a sorrow that would be for me; and where shall I find another one with
his qualities! But we have to accept willingly what God does» 23 .
Two days later she said: «I see things just as when Fr. Antonio died,
and I am confident that after we have suffered all that Our Lord wants, He will
give the Institute a good push forward, as he did then».
M. Pilar replied by return of post: «I am very sorry with the news
about Fr. Cotanilla. May Our Lord give him a longer life, if it is His will,
because I am afraid that no one will be able to take his place for us* 24 «We
did not know definitely about Father's death until Friday afternoon. He will be
rejoicing in heaven. His simplicity, good faith and zeal for God's greater honour
and glory will have earned him a high place. In spite of knowing this ... I am
sad, and this saint's death increases my loneliness in this world, and my dislike
of living in it; but not sufficiently to make me ill; far from it*25.
One of the marvels brought about by Fr. Cotanilla's direction was that
it kept the Institute united through the union of the two foundresses, in spite
of their very distinct temperaments. M. Pilar always had a high opinion of the
Jesuit, and she was sure that God's will was revealed through his guidance. On
his side, Fr. Cotanilla sometimes restrained M. Pilar's exuberant character,
especially in critical moments and risky ventures. We can remember what
happened about the journey to Rome. Fr. Cotanilla was dumbfounded, and said
thai if he had been asked beforehand, he would have rejected the idea; but he
almost said then that he was glad about the imprudent step-
Nevertheless, Fr. Cotanilla was not an exacting man. On the contrary,
he had accustomed the two foundresses, M. Sacred Heart especially, to walk
through life with no support apart from God. The first group in the Institute
could well remember the kind of consolation offered by Fr. Cotanilla when the
21
Letter to M. Ma. de S. Ignacio, 2nd August 1883.
22
The Bishop D. Narciso Martinez Ltquierdo, killed as he entered his Cathedral on Palm
Sunday 1886.
23
I-etter of 2nd May 1886.
24
25
212 Part two: 1877-1887
Superior of the house in Bola Street was at the point of death: «Sisters, don't
be afflicted; if the Pope dies, another one is put in his place at once».
Consolation which was indeed too stark and ascetic, which reveals the type of
relationship between the Jesuit and the Religious of the Institute. The years
which followed strengthened their mutual affection, which was united to
enormous unselfish interest on the part of Fr. Cotanilla. The foundresses always
had complete confidence in him and were deeply grateful. When, at that time
they united the memory of the Jesuit to that of D. Antonio Ortiz Urruela, this
confirmed the most favourable opinion of him which could ever be given by the
lips or writings of the two sisters.
They tried to console each other mutually, and from their words we
learn their feelings for Fr. Cotanilla: «Do not be disheartened or upset; but
trust in God blindly; He, as our Father will settle everything for us better than
we could imagine. Our good Fr. Cotanilla united with Fr. Antonio will help
from heaven to settle everything. I am sure, and I have extraordinary trust»
«I am not worried or even upset on account of Father; yes, I do feel it, out of
gratitude... because I think that is a duty. But I do not miss him too much
because God's Providence which cares for us so much, and has always cared,
willed from the beginning that Father would train us to live dependent on God
alone, and although it was hard going for me especially, I now see God's plans,
and I give him many thanks, and my confidence for the future and for the
present is increasing..,» 27 Thus M. Sacred Heart expressed her sorrow and her
hope. Her continued activity shows that the death of Fr. Cotanilla really did
leave her in great sorrow, but in no way cast down.
«... That beloved Father, who will now be in glory because he was an
angel, has not died for us, but he has moved nearer to the King so as to settle
our business better, because it is in that court that it must all be completed. Do
you remember when Fr. Antonio died? The awful circumstances in which it
seemed we were left? And yet, what have we needed?» M. Pdar commented
on Fr. Cotanilla's death with these words 28 .
But they did not find another adviser with his qualities. They had
dealings afterwards with various important Jesuits (Urr£buru, Muruzibal, La
Torre, Vinuesa, etc), but none of them gave the solid support which Fr.
Cotanilla had given so discreetly and so quietly. M. Sacred Heart looked for
one to take his place, but she confessed that it was not easy: «I do not know
whom to choose; sometimes I think of Fr. Vdlez (I like him because he is
prudent and conciliating), and sometimes I would be sorry to displease Fr.
^ Letter from M. Sacred Heart to her sister, 4th May 1886.

27
28
U t t e r to her sister, 12th May 1886.
Hidalgo and Fr. Sanz. I trust in God, who has to provide, as He did before,
because we are His and the work is His* 29 .
It was appropriate to those times that the women found it difficult to
settle their affairs if they were not guided by a man's good sense... But Fr.
Cotanilla's death marked the coming of age of the Institute. M. Pilar advised
her sister: «Don't worry on account of Father, and don't be limited to one
adviser, but when you have to consult anyone, call sometimes upon one and on
others on other occasions...*30 M. Sacred Heart answered: «This is what I
do with regard to the Fathers; I speak to the one I think most suitable, and
they are all ready to help me* 31 .
Fr. Cotanilla died before the Institute was approved, but he had the
assurance that approval would be given very soon. He was displeased at the
change of name (Reparatrices? Handmaids?) which he did not have time to
assimilate well. (It must have been a special joy to him to meet in heaven the
first fruits of the "Church triumphant' of the Congregation; Maria de Santa
Teresa, Maria de San Ignacio, Maria de San Jos6... all those «Reparatrices of
the Sacred Heart*, the best quality of the old school. They had never known
the name Handmaid, and he had never accepted it completely) 32 .
The Constitutions and the demands of daily living
The spring and summer of 1886 brought with them extraordinary

labours. M. Sacred Heart had to undertake them alone. She was the Superior
of the Institute, and thus was responsible ultimately for the business which M.
Pilar and M. Purisima were discussing in Rome. But she was not only
responsible, she also had the task of providing the material for their work. So,
as quickly as she could, she was sending them notebooks containing the
translation of the rules of the Society of Jesus taken from the Constitutions of
Marie Reparatrice. At a time when mechanization was unknown the task was
no light one. The work was done by two Novices, but M. Sacred Heart had to
supervise them carefully in order to ensure that the copying was faithfully done.
Besides, she did not give up the idea of finding the actual text of the
Constitutions of St. Ignatius. Although the Jesuits were well disposed towards
the Institute, they did not offer to produce one. In fact, they were forbidden to
do so by the General, until a new edition came out. But they did not object to
29
Letter to her sister, 4th May 1886.
30
letter of 12th May 1886.
31
letter of 16th May 1886.
32
In spite of his dislike, Fr. Cotanilla accepted the name given by the Holy See.
214 Part two: 1877-1887
making a translation from the Latin if an old copy could be found in some
second hand shop. «I am still looking for the Constitutions, and I hope to have
them soon. Fr. V61ez has offered to translate them, or to find some one who
would...» «I have the complete Constitutions of the Society now... Fr. V61ez is
translating them and he is sensible, and I expect them at any moment...* 33
In May the Sisters in Rome found a more suitable copy, in French, and hence
did not need the translation from Madrid, as M. Pilar said in a letter at that
time: «I have just received your letter, and you will have had one from me
telling you not to go on with the translation, because we are doing it here, and
are writing our own Constitutions as quickly as possible... What a book! It is
priceless. I am longing for you to read it so that you may redouble your love
and affection for our Father Saint Ignatius... When the Constitutions are
finished we'll send them to you (keeping a copy here; just see how much
writing there is to do!) so that you may see them and return them with
recommendations from the Nuncio or the Bishop... Although Fr. Urriburu
promises to let me have them all complete - and he is a saint - yet, I do not
trust only in him, but I am working and will work as hard as I can. I will do
anything I am told, especially by Fr. Urr^buru, whom I look upon for help as
from God, and the result will be as the Lord wants, for the work is His...*34.
The work on the Constitutions was the most important task they had
in hand then, but it was not the only business which occupied M. Sacred Heart
at that time. A thousand affairs cropped up each day, perhaps less weighty, but
they demanded her immediate attention. Surrounded as she was by so much
business she might have neglected the formation of the Novices; but she did
not. Trying to attend to everything required a spccial effort and extraordinary
tension. M. Sacred Heart explained this better than anyone in a letter: «You
tell me, Purisima, to give my time to the Novices; and so does Father 35 ... but
just think what I have on top of me, and 1 am doing it. First the illnesses, and
I have to look after almost everybody, than, so many letters; the business of the
house, which I cannot leave because I don't trust Martires; she gets silly, and
we could have lost a great deal, materially and in esteem... As for my health,
it is excellent, in spite of my late nights; I often hear three strike, and not on
one morning only. The work on the church is wearing me out. Don Jos6 - that's
a story that never ends: the church, at a standstill, and the workmen, the few
that there are, just making a mess. In fact, my sins are being wiped out, or at
least the punishment for them* 36 .
33
Letters from M. Sacred Heart to M. Pilar between 11th, 16th and 17th April 1886.
34
U t t e r from M. Pilar to her sister, 12th May 1886.
35
Undoubtedly Fr. Hidalgo who was her spiritual director.
36
Letter to MM. Pilar and Purisima, 9th July 1886.
M. Sacred Heart took M. Maria del Carmen Aranda to Madrid to help

her with the Novitiate. She was about twenty-eight years of age and had
completed her formation as a Novice two years before. She seemed the most
appropriate one: «very good, but very impetuous*, observed Mother, who could
not lose sight of her in case she demanded too much of the Novices. And even
this little help she was to lose: Maria del Carmen Aranda became ill and
needed a serious operation on her knee.
In financial affairs the support she had was still more precarious.
M.Martircs, mentioned in the above quoted letter, should have been keeping
the accounts. She had very good judgement, but was so absent-minded that she
was quite useless for anything down to earth. It was impossible to rely on her
memory or on her calculations.
And in such a situation M. Sacred Heart had to abuse her strength.
She was thirtysix years old and in excellent health. She was at the prime of life,
and above all, she was working with all the strength of her ardent temperament
at a mission for which she was ready to give her life. She was living faithfully
that surrender of self to God which she had made at her consecration before
the great trials which were to come later which would require the sacrifice of
her activity or of her honour. Day by day, hour after hour, in the morning, in
the evening, late into the night and the early hours of morning...
It is clear that she had a deep awareness of her responsibility as
foundress in the Institute. This awareness was not opposed to that sincere
conviction of being simply an instrument in God's hands; and it impelled her
to work in everything of any importance to the Congregation. Her sense of
responsibility forced her to undertake activities for which she had no natural
inclination. On one occasion M. Pilar advised her to treat some business in
absolute confidence; and she added that although M. Sacred Heart was less
talkative than herself, she also was becoming loquacious 37 . This was a rather
unjust observation as M. Pilar said it, but it does make one point very clear: M.
Sacred Heart had left far behind those times when, as the younger sister, she
had timidly submitted to the decisions made by her exuberant elder sister; that
time in which the younger sister spoke little because everything was said with
plenty of words by the elder sister.
Mother's friendship with Mgr. Delia Chiesa may be noted as a sign of
her increasing security in social relationships. One day when she was speaking
to him about the Institute, the sccrctary of the Nunciature tested the spirit of
the foundress. He said, that perhaps if they restricted their field of action to
Spain, they would find less difficulty for the growth of the Institute. She gave
him time only for the suggestion.
37
Cf. p. 193.
216 Part two: 1877-1887
— «Oh, no - replied M. Sacred Heart quickly - our Institute has to

be universal, like the Chinch, and if anyone tries to change that, we
protest from this moment.
— (Did Mgr. Delia Chiesa say any more when he saw she was so
sure?)
— Do you understand clearly, Father Secretary?
— Yes, yes, like the Church».
He understood her very well, but she said when she told the story, that
he repeated it two or three times 38 . He did not take it in bad part; far from
it. The Superior of the house in Obelisk Parade never lost her friendship with
the future Pope Benedict XV.
«... Writing to so many Bishops, life is endless*
In June, M. Pilar wrote that when presenting the Constitutions to the

Sacred Congregation they had to present reports from the Bishops who knew
the Institute. In particular it seemed important, or rather essential, to have one
from Fray Ceferino Gonzalez. His account could clear the controversy
surrounding the origin of the Institute and its separation from the Society of
Marie Reparatrice. M. Sacred Heart considered this so important that she did
not hesitate to travel to Seville in spite of all the business depending on her in
Madrid. She wrote to her sister on 24th June: «You will be displeased at my
coming here, but when I read your letter ... as I think this document is the most
important, I decided to come, and I am very glad, because if I had not they
would not have written what we want, and I do not know when it would have
been sent...* She was right. And she was not only within her rights, but she
was fulfilling a fundamental duty when she went to speak to the Cardinal of
Seville. But M. Pilar had a real obsession about her sister's journeys. And M.
Sacred Heart, who had such easy relationships with other persons, was really
afraid to begin any negotiation if she thought it might not fit in with M. Pilar's
fixed and firm ideas.
In Madrid, some days later, she recounted the result of her interview:
«You will have received my letter from Seville. You would not have been
pleased about my journey, but through God, we have managed to get the
document from the Archbishop sent off so well and so quickly*39.
Fray Ceferino was not the only one who had to send in a report about
38
Letter from M. Sacred Heart to her sister, 10th June 1886.
39
Ibid. 3rd July 1886.
the Institute. M. Sacred Heart had started a real attack by letter in order to
obtain the commendatory reports. «These days with writing to so many
Bishops, life is never-ending». She succeeded in getting very favourable letters
written by the Bishops of the Canary Islands, Saragossa, Cordova, Vitoria and
the vicar-capitular of Madrid-Alcala (this see was vacant), Granada, Salamanca,
Valladolid, Cadiz and the Vicar capitular of Toledo.
Her expressive words are understandable: «With writing to so many
Bishops, life seems never ending*. We can understand too, that on many nights
she heard the clock strike three.... And, in contrast with that exhausting activity
was her serene, smiling attitude, her constant welcome, and her interest in the
concerns, even minor ones, of others.
And another contrast: the extreme tardiness of the architect and the
men at work on the church. M. Sacred Heart could have been able to construct
it herself with her strong urgent desires!
During the first half of July M. Pilar and M. Purisima wrote that work
on the Constitutions was nearing its end, «The Constitutions are leaving here
today, God grant that you like them ... they are all practically a translation of
the Constitutions of Saint Ignatius* wrote M. Pilar on 12th. Just four days later
- how well the post was working in those days - M. Sacred Heart acknowledged
their receipt: «I have just received the Constitutions and your letters. God
willing, everything will be settled very well, but I am afraid they will not be
there for the feast of St. Ignatius. We shall see; I'll do all I can*.
M. Pilar advised her sister to read them slowly. - «Don't hurry about
sending them back* - and, besides any comments she thought necessary, to add
a final note of fidelity to the Holy See: «that declaration of loyalty to the
Roman Pontiff and a mention that we pray for His Holiness, and for the
Church, more or less just as Fr, Cotanilla (Father of my soul!) wrote at the
end. You will see if you think it would be helpful to discuss it with the
Secretary of the Nuncio, because he knows better what they like here* 40 .
M.Pilar also said that the Nuncio should see the text of the Constitutions and
send in a report on them as soon as possible. A few days later M. Sacred Heart
wrote to M. Pilar telling her the result of a consultation with the secretary of
the Nunciature about the matter. She said the Nuncio did not need to see the
Constitutions; they should only be endorsed by the Superior's (her own)
signature, and sent together with the reports from the Bishops and a petition,
signed by the Superior of the Institute asking for approval. The secretary
offered to draw up the final document- «He told me, that presuming that the
Constitutions would be presented in Italian, he would write the petition in the
same language, and would give me a copy in Spanish. You see how good it is;
40
Letter from M. Pilar to her sister, 12th July 1886.
218 Part two: 1877-1887
he is very kind... He asked me if you had discussed this there; I said yes, and
it came out that he had written favourably about us» 41 .
What interest on the part of the young priest in the Nunciature! And
the Handmaids owed a great debt of gratitude to Giacomo Delia Chiesa, that
Monsignor who was so promising.
Anthology of praise in Latin and Spanish
On 31st July, feast of St. Ignatius, the revised Constitutions left Madrid
for Rome. Together with them went the commendatory letters from the
Bishops, a real anthology of praise in Latin and in Spanish. They considered:
it is opportune to «commend to the goodness of the Holy See* those Sisters,
«inspired with singular piety» whose Institute «is producing abundant
praiseworthy fruit according to its rules and Constitutions*, and «is in a good
state of discipline, personnel and finance*. Its mission of worship and
apostolate, together with «the fervour and observance of the Sisters*, gives
every hope that its approval must give «great glory to God*. Another report
said that the Congregation had gained «very justly the admiration and affection
of all good people*. The Vicar capitular of Madrid believed that the aim of the
Institute «to extend more and more* was a hopeful sign in the diocese, where
it could offer «immense service in the surrounding well populated areas*.
Doubtless, the most interesting report was expected from Fray
Ceferino Gonzalez. Not only because he was so well disposed towards the
Institute, but also because they believed that the former Bishop of Cordova
could add some definite account of the history of ten years before. The story
was old, but it still had repercussions in 188642. When he was writing his
report Fray Ceferino must have frowned and gripped his pen tightly. (This was
natural to him; but he was a kind, simple man). He stated:
«The Congregation of Handmaids of the Sacred Heart of Jesus, well

known to us from its beginnings, is outstanding for the faithful
observance of the Institute and their ardent desire for perfection. Wc
consider it worthy of apostolic approval, and that its separation from
the Institute of Marie Reparatrice should be no obstacle to this. This
took place some time ago with our knowledge and consent. At that
time the Sisters were still in the Novitiate, and by the conditions
41
42
One of the greatest difficulties which MM. Filar and Purisima encountered in Rome was
the atmosphere created by negative reports about the origin of the Institute.
placed on their acquisition of the house, were completely free to stay

or to leave that Institute*.
The Constitutions were presented to the Sacred Congregation on 7th

August, octave of the feast of St. Ignatius Loyola. Until well into autumn they
were in the hands of a consultor who spent a good deal of time examining
them. M. Sacred Heart wrote to her sister on 30th September: «On Tuesday,
28th, the Secretary of the Nunciature came to say Mass for us, and he asked
me to tell you to do all you can to get the consultor to send the Constitutions,
together with his opinion, so that they may be presented on 12th November, the
day the Congregations open...»
After so much work, and obtaining all the possible recommendations,
there was nothing left to do but to wait and to pray. Even Mgr. Delia Chiesa
had done everything possible with his final letters to the Cardinal Prefect of the
Sacred Congregation.
To pray and to wait... busy with a thousand different affairs, without
any rest. «I don't know where to begin asking God for so many things we have
on top of us; if it is his will, God will answer* 43 . M. Sacred Heart wanted to
take full advantage of the stay of M. Pilar and M. Purisima in Rome: «Good
music, Purisima; and get an idea of what they sing there. Learn a lot of things,
and get to know anything which might be useful to us here* 44 . And to her
sister: «lt would be very helpful it we could get that house; see if it can be by
instalments, and let us see if God opens the way*45.
One year ends in Rome and in Madrid
About this time the church in Madrid was slowly reaching completion.
«They are taking down the scaffolding from the church now, and the roof is
beautiful*, said M. Sacred Heart to her sister 46 , but she could not hide her
regret at the curtailment of the first plan. «The rail for the choir is in placc
now, and it's awful, just like everything done by D. Jos6. What a man! He is
crucifying me! Oh, Cubas, Cubas! Expensive Cubas; but D. Jos6 is more
expensive, and he has no taste. The church is costing 40,000 duros, and in
appearance it is like a grograin dress made in a village: rich material, but
unattractive appearance... Each day we see more clearly the mistake with the
43
Letter from M. Sacred Heart to her sister, 22nd August 1886.
44
Letter of 19th August 1886,
45
Letter of 22nd August 1886.
46
220 Part two: 1877-1887
transept...*'' 7 In spite of all, the dome of the sanctuary had been decorated
according to Mother's idea: «I gave them the idea; let us see if you like it. In
the middle is the world; above that a large Sacred Heart, with grace flowing
down from His hands. At his feet, in the spaces at the sides, in different
attitudes: St. Francis de Sales, St. Bernard, Bl. Claude de la Columbiere...* 48 .
She named ten saints in her letter, and these were painted on the dome of the
church. M. Pilar hastened to reply a few days later 49 «... It seems to me that
there are many saints around the Sacred Heart; I say this because it will be a
mess, as they paint them so badly». Speaking of the cost of the work, she said:
«although 40,000 is a lot of money, Cubas would have spent double that; and
as for the mistake of the facade, I hope that one day God will let you see the
advantage it will be for the Novitiate...*
It must be acknowledged that at this time it was very difficult, if not
impossible, for M. Pilar to change her mind about any opinion she held
contrary to that of her sister.
While M. Sacred Heart was struggling with the men working on the
church, the Constitutions had been presented in Rome and there followed a
period of enforced inaction. Then M. Pilar and her companion made their
retreat. When they finished, M. Pilar, as so often, asked her sister for pardon.
In fact the reasons for the upset had increased in importance with time, yet she
did not feel such a sharp awareness of her faults now as she had on other
occasions. In a letter of 13th October she wrote to M. Sacred Heart: «First of
all, I want to ask pardon for all I have done; there is always something even
though I think I am improving; not, perhaps because I am acquiring virtue, but
because I am losing energy with the years*. If the friction between the sisters
had been caused only by the excessive liveliness of M. Pilar's temperament,
undoubtedly the passing years would have had the effect which M. Pilar
supposed. But there was something more than that: M. Pilar was almost
tragically convinced that she was superior to her sister in many ways. We say
«tragically» because that feeling of superiority was part of a difficult complex
of affections and tendencies, outstanding in which was her uncontrolled desire
to maintain her own ideas; this together with very sincere affection for M.
Sacred Heart which was shown in her constant concern for her, and in her
protecting attitude. It would not be just to say that she did not acknowledge any
of her qualities. Apart from her supernatural virtues, M. Pilar could see in M.
Sacred Heart many gifts which made her a great spiritual mistress. M. Pilar
knew that her sister was greatly loved by everyone in the Congregation,
47
ibid.
48
49
especially by those who had been her Novices, and she was not surprised at
that. We shall not attempt to record the many occasions when M. Pilar
revealed the high esteem in which she held her sister on this point; we quote
one paragraph written from Rome: «lnfinite thanks to God for so many
vocations. Having those, and because they are well trained, you will see how
soon the Congregation spreads much for the honour and glory of the Heart of
Jesus. Truly we are seeing marvels, and we ourselves have plenty to say about
them* 50
It was nearing the end of 1886 and the business which had been of the
greatest concern to them was still incomplete. The church in Madrid was
progressing, but slowly. In the splendour of its freshness even M. Sacred Heart
was beginning to like it. They proposed to inaugurate it for Christmas, deciding
this in the autumn: «It is pleasant, but very modcst», «The church is well liked;
it is very devotional. The architect is now one of the first in Madrid, he cannot
cope with all the work» ... «The church is almost finished now; it is very
beautiful; it is better than Gothic*. These comments which came in consecutive
letters, reveal M. Sacred Heart's progressive reconciliation with the church built
by D. Jos6 Aguilar 51 . It was not inaugurated until 20th February 1887.
Then the papal approval. What patience was needed by the foundresses
when all their previous activity regarding the Constitutions was reduced simply
to waiting! «What I want and am praying for to God is the approval of the
Constitutions, this for us is everything*52. Many plans were held up until the
approval was obtained. In various dioceses - Malaga, Vitoria, Granada - new
fields of work were on offer, but all depended on the decisions made in Rome
by the Sacred Congregation. «... Neither the church, nor anything else, apart
from the spiritual things, is worth a single cent compared with what we are
hoping to obtain from God. ... For us, all that we hope for is certain, and there
will be the whole life of the world in which to work, to prosper and to expand
... for others will follow us when we die, and they will build on these
foundations* 53 .
50
Letter to M. Sacred Heart, 17th October 1886.
51
Letters to her sister, 22nd September, 4th November, and 16th November 1886.
52
Letter from M. Sacred Heart to M. Pilar, 26th October 1886.
53
Letter from M. Pilar to M. Sacred Heart, 15th December 1886.
Chapter VI
PAPAL APPROVAL AND THE ELECTION OF THE

GENERAL GOVERNMENT
29th January 1887
The Consuitor of the Sacred Congregation finally sent a favourable

report towards the end of January 1887. He had read the Constitutions
carefully - he did, indeed, take a good time! - and he thought they should be
rearranged in a more logical order, with attention paid to a few comments. But
then he added: «These good Sisters show that they are filled with the spirit of
the Lord (as also are the Constitutions), they are determined to attain the end
of their vocation and are gifted with fervent will. I do not think they should be
rejected..,* In fact, he gave his positive vote for the approval of the Institute,
and advised a new edition of the Constitutions before they were definitively
accepted.
In a meeting of 28th January the Sacred Congregation of Bishops and
Regulars endorsed the opinion of the consuitor, Fr. Thomas de Forli. And on
the following day, 29th January 1886, Cardinal Masotti, prefect of the
Congregation, signed the relevant decree.
Without wasting any time M. Pilar sent a telfegram to Madrid the same
day. It was then three o'clock in the afternoon and she was assured by the
telegraph office that it would reach its destination within two hours. And so it
did: «On Saturday at 5 o'clock in the afternoon we received the telegram with
great joy... We sang the Te Deum, the Magnificat and the Laudate. The singing
was not singing, but a shout of joy which all the singers felt...*1.
«I can imagine what it is like there today", wrote M. Pilar the next day.
She was not mistaken. The joy was so deep, so intense that it wiped out every
other emotion. All the thanksgiving hymns of the Church seemed weak at that
moment. Past sufferings, as well as those which M. Sacred Heart could foresee
for the future, were as nothing compared with the joy of that moment. She was
well aware that living profoundly the spccial grace of that moment meant
accepting beforehand the happiness and the sorrow of her maternal office in
the Institute. She did not allow herself to be carried away by childish illusions:
she accepted with her whole being this new gift from God which was to
demand so much of her. She did not yet have in her possession the decrce of
approbation; that document upon which she would meditate so many times
1
Letter from M. Sacred Heart to her sister, 31st January 1887.
C. 6. Papal approval 223
later on. The final paragraph was an exhortation all the more beautiful because
it confirmed the well-known path whieh the Institute had been travelling for
years; it was not a matter of starting out, but of continuing to follow it:
«Therefore, let the above mentioned Sisters proceed, hating evil,

doing good, loving one another with fraternal charity, serving the Lord,
joyful in hope, patient in tribulation, constant in prayer; let them
continue to work with ever more fervour under the direction of the
Ordinaries, to attain their own sanctification and that of others, and in
striving each day more and more to attain the end they have proposed
to themselves; and thus, joyful in the sweet Heart of Jesus, they will
merit to rceeive the crown of life».
«Joyful in hope, patient in tribulation*. Patient: the Church's

recommendation was almost unnecessary in the case of M. Sacred Heart. But
she must have pondered deeply the meaning of those words. She referred to
them in a letter written two years later: «For goodness' sake, do not be upset;
be joyful; you know what the Pope told us - it seems he was prophesying at the
end of the Brief of approval...: 'Joyful in the sweet Heart of Jesus', 'patient
in tribulation', and hoping for everything from Him today more than ever*2.
The ehurch in Madrid was inaugurated on 20th February 1887. It was
a work well founded on toil and difficulties; each stone could have told its own
story. As M. Sacred Heart said, it was modest, devout and pretty. It was a new
building, and naturally possessed an attraction which was lost with the passing
of the years.
When MM. Pilar and Purisima returned from Rome it was nearly
springtime. The natural joy of life, the re-birth of all nature, added joy to the
meeting with M. Sacred Heart and with the community in Madrid. Besides, that
spring brought with it an assurance of the hope born of the papal approval of
the Institute. The new arrivals went over the buildings and particularly admired
the church. M. Pilar liked it; partly because the Marquis of Cubas did not
direet the work ...
Leading up to an election
The approval of the Institute brought with it the obligation of forming

a governing body as laid down by the Constitutions. The primitive system which
2
Letter to M.Ma. del Carmen Aranda, 8th February 1890.
224 Part two: 1877-1887
had worked since 1877 had to come to an end 3 . M. Sacred Heart was the sole
Superior until 1887, although when new communities were opened in Cordova,
Jerez, Saragosa and Bilbao a local Superior was appointed for each house,
subordinate to the principal Superior in Madrid. During the period 1877-1887,'
M. Sacred Heart was not, strictly speaking, General of the Institute; hence she
had not had a council which, according to the rule should advise her in the
government.
Nevertheless, what had not existed through lack of explicit rules, did
exist in fact in an informal way. There were no consultors in the Institute for
the principal Superior for general matters, but M. Sacred Heart never did
anything important without M. Pilar's knowledge and even her approval. This
is understandable. The two sisters had travelled together all the paths to
religious life from their vocation in Pedro Abad until the Institute had been
formed. In the plans of Providence they had both become foundresses.
M.Sacred Heart's appointment as Superior of the community had not annulled
M. Pilar's important role in the foundation, still less the high esteem in which
all the Grst Religious held her.
The development of the Institute strengthened more and more M.
Pilar's awareness of her position. Appointed by the Superior, she had carried
out almost all the foundations, thus prolonging the activity for which she had
shown special aptitude from the beginning. Obviously, opening new houses
involved a series of negotiations - dealing with Bishops and lay people, renting,
buying and selling, etc - in all of which, wc may say, M. Pilar became a
specialist. She did this business in the name of the Institute, and her
correspondence with her sister shows that she had her explicit authorization.
But, in spite of that, her continued occupation in these negotiations had given
her the idea, not that she was naturally superior in this field, but that she was
responsible for administration in the Institute, almost independent of the
authority of M. Sacred Heart. The younger sister was far from desiring
responsibilities beyond her competence, and she was not by nature ambitious.
But although her aspirations were very modest, she could not but know that as
the Superior, it was not right for her to shrink from her obligations; even if she
had done this out of virtue, which would have been false. For prudence sake
she consulted M. Pilar on all business matters, but as a duty she kept herself
informed on all the matters undertaken by M. Pilar, and many times she
authorized her to proceed, but sometimes she refused.
Nevertheless, in practice, there was a kind of tacit division of power;
3
In 1877 the Cardinal Archbishop of Toledo appointed M. Sacred Heart Superior for six
years. In 1883, before the end of the six years, she sent a reminder to the Cardinal asking him to
appoint another person. He iengthened the tenn for another 6 years.
M. Sacred Heart was occupied chiefly with the formation of the Religious; M.
Pilar with the expansion of the Institute and the administration of its property.
This division must have seemed almost natural; so much so that it was said,
with over simplification: Maria del Sagrado Coraz6n «formed the hearts*;
Maria del Pilar sustained the Institute like a strong, marble pillar «in everything
material and exterior* 4 .
Preparations for the General Congregation
The recently approved Constitutions of the Institute provided for a

General Superior who would have four professed Mothers, called Assistants
General, as advisers. With this in view M. Sacred Heart wrote a letter to the
Superiors of the houses, on 15th April, informing them about the matter of the
election. «In the first place, what I most earnestly recommend is a right
intention and a good spirit in which this should be carried out, because on this
greatly depends the presence of God Our Lord with us in all these actions and
His inspiration for the best result for His greater honour and glory and the
good of the Institute*. The Superior of each house had to take part in the
assembly which would elect the General, together with two Sisters appointed
by the members of each community.
The Bishop of Madrid decided that the election should take place
during Paschal tide. The date fixed was 13th May. The Sisters of the houses
in Madrid, Cordova, Jerez, Saragossa, and Bilbao appointed their
representatives beforehand. The assembly was made up of a group of Religious,
most of them young, none of whom had yet made her perpetual profession.
The electors in the first General Congregation of the Institute of
Handmaids of the Sacrcd Heart, belonged for the most part, if not to the
original nuclcus formed in Cordova and Madrid between 1876 and 1877, at
least to the group of senior members of the Congregation. Some had been
trained directly by M. Sacred Heart; others, the younger ones, were from the
group taught by M. Maria de la Purisima, but they had lived beside the
foundress, and they had dealt with her sufficiently to have great confidence in
her. In fact, even after M. Sacred Heart had given M. Purisima charge of the
Novitiate, she herself spoke to all the Noviccs together sometimes, «because
Purisima is rather strict, although they are happy* . The letters preserved from
this time - the years before the election - reveal that M. Sacrcd Heart never
gave up her mission of forming the Sisters, for which she had special qualities.
4
Cf. M. PRECIOSA SANGRE, Chronicle II p. 330.
5
letter from M. Sacred Heart to her sister, 5th June 1884.
226 Part two: 1877-1887
The business of 13th May did not present many difficulties for all those electors
trained in her school. It did not enter their heads that there could be any
General other than the one who had been the Superior until then. No doubt,
prayers were said in each house for the success of the meeting, but they must
have been a kind of anticipated thanksgiving.
Nevertheless, there were some Sisters among those who composed the
first General Congregation for whom the matter was not easy. By this time
there were some persons in the Institute - very few, it is true - who knew of or
glimpsed, the painful problem of the relationship between the Porras sisters.
No one suffered more than they did at that time. And, although it is difficult
to assess the quality and intensity of human pain, both physical and moral, we
can surely say that the suffering of cach of the sisters was of a different kind;
but in each of them it pierced to the very depths of her soul.
With all the respect demanded by such personal problems, touching as
they do upon human depths, we are going to try to analyse here the
circumstances which made the act of electing the General Superior one of the
most significant moments in M. Sacred Heart's life. It was important because
of the pain, patience and humility involved; but above all because it revealed
her enormous capacity for loving and constructing. It is necessary to draw near
with respect for many reasons. First, because suffering must always be treated
discreetly if we wish to preserve its dignity. Secondly, on account of the more
or less culpable part played by such outstanding persons as M. Pilar. We must
see in her, not an impersonal instrument causing the tribulations of her sister,
but a human creature with all the weight of her littleness and her greatness, a
woman attacked by opposing strengths, shaken by her own emotions,
sometimes conquered by them, and sometimes t r i u m p h i n g over them. Her own
sister was the one who best explained M. Pilar's painful situation; many years
later, speaking of her and of the other Assistants she said: that «they suffered
a lot in order to make her suffer* 6 .
When M. Pilar returned from Rome, she brought with her the
approbation of the Institute: a great joy. She also brought many experiences
which would later influence very powerfully the development of events. If she
looked back at the early years of the Institute, she could remember an infinite
number of difficulties of every kind, supported with God's help and the
firmness of constancy, but she would also remember, without any doubt, the
thousands of internal frictions, the almost continual clash of opinion with her
sister, which had led her many times to acknowledge herself blameworthy. She
had spent one year in Rome, alone with M. Purisima. Because of her
communicative nature, it is not at all surprising that she shared her worries
6
Spiritual notes 24, 1892.
with the companion who was participating with her in their striving for the
approval of the Institute. Very far away, in Madrid, M. Sacred Heart was just
as busy and they kept united in their love for the Institute by constant exchange
of letters. However, the distance was very great and it lent to the
misunderstanding, the friction and the small disagreements, an importance
which they did not have at the time. M. Pilar was by temperament incapable
of hiding her feelings for long; she naively confided to M. Purisima all she was
thinking about her sister's defccts or limitations. She spoke spontaneously, as
was natural to her, in the confidence of close friendship, M. Purisima took
note of all this; we do not know how far she realised the importance of those
confidential remarks or of the part she would later play in the internal drama
of the Institute.
M. Maria del Carmen Aranda knew what was happening in Rome at
this time through M. Purisima. She drew her own conclusions from this and
believed she could measure the depth of friendship between M. Purisima and
M. Pilar. In her account she said:
«I had charge of the Novitiate under the direction of M. Sacred

Heart. She trusted me very much, and I, being so close to her, was
able to admire her spirit of sacrifice, of abnegation, of extraordinary
faith and zeal, and the love of God which burned within her... She
always spoke about M. Pilar with great esteem, and even respect ...
She also spoke of M. Purisima with great appreciation, and as if she
were her hands and her feet. Yet in Rome, as I was to learn later, M.
Pilar was criticising and disapproving M. Sacred Heart's management
of business, etc. I think this unburdening was the root and cause of
many sorrows; M. Purisima kept it all in her heart without mentioning
it even to Fr. Urriburu. She set herself to study M. Pilar and to please
her in every way. So she took great care of her health ... she was
always ready to go with her to visit the holy places (which M. Pilar was
very fond of doing); she translated the Constitutions from French for
her. In fact, she left no means undone whereby she could serve and
please her, always with her mind fixed on the purpose of their journey.
They came back triumphant ... M. Pilar was full of praise for M.
Purisima, saying that the Decree (approval) was due to her; indeed,
real exaggerations*7.
Naturally this long paragraph must be read critically. It contains

concrete details, known directly, which seem unquestionable. For instance, that
7
History of M. Pilar I p. 5-7.
228 Part two: 1877-1887
M. Sacred Heart spoke with great esteem and respect about M. Pilar and M.
Purisima; and that when they returned from Rome M. Pilar could not find
praises high enough for M. Purisima. Other details were known to M. Carmen
Aranda through M. Purisima: that M. Pilar criticised M. Sacred Heart's
administration; that M. Purisima did not speak to anyone about those
comments; and that while in Rome M. Purisima set about studying M. Pilar
and then to serve and please her in every way. Finally, we find M. Maria del
Carmen Aranda's own conclusion: these outbursts of M. Pilar were the root
and cause of later ills8.
We have already seen from what has gone before the evidence that M.
Pilar did not agree with her sister's administration; we have only to remember
the discussions about the building of the church in Madrid, Nevertheless M.
Pilar's criticism must have gone further than that; a thousand unimportant
details would have come to light during the long conversations in Rome; and
going over again the old internal disputes gave them a weight which they never
had at the beginning,
«I think this unburdening was the root and cause of many sorrows®9.
M. Maria del Carmen's comment docs not seem out of place. Those
conversations, that prolonged absence from M. Sacred Heart, helped to create
an unusual kind of friendship between M. Pilar and M. Purisima. Unusual
because it was not based on natural affinity, but rather on a complex of
contradictory elements. For M. Pilar her business companion in Rome was
seemingly easy to speak to - if she had set herself out to observe and to study,
she would naturally listen with great attention; M. Pilar could pour out to her
all her worries and complaints, probably increased and correctcd by her
imagination as they were repeated. It is not likely that the elder foundress was
aware that her ideas took on different, important aspects in the course of those
conversations; it is not likely that she realised this, but it is quite possible that
this did in fact happen. She had always had quite clearly a tendency to rebel
against her sister, at least in financial matters and administration. The
awareness of her superiority, until now considered almost a temptation, began
to be acknowledged and approved as correct. In fact, as we said previously,
from this time onwards her letters to M. Sacred Heart ceased to contain those
humble accusations, so touching in their sincerity, which she had expressed
whenever she had been carried away by her feelings.
Although, according to M. Maria del Carmen, M. Purisima kept in her
The two sisters and MM. Purisima and Maria del Carmen Aranda were aware of the internal
difficulties of the Institute.
M. Ma. de! Carmen Aranda was convinced or this. Writing later on, she said: «... I wonder
if that dust has not eauscd this mud». (Story of M.S. Heart I pp. 26-27).
heart all that she observed in Rome, this did not last for long. As soon as she
returned to Spain she confided her secrets to M. Maria del Carmen. It is easy
to believe that she also spoke to others, above all when difficulties in the
government of the Institute becamc more acute.
The tension of the final days
M. Pilar's lack of confidence in her sister's management of the

Institute, although completely unfounded, was complete at the time when they
were preparing for the first General Congregation. This mistrust, together with
an exaggerated sense of her own responsibility produced in M. Pilar an
extraordinary state of grief, fear and insecurity. Her feeling of pessimism,
almost of bitterness affected all her words and actions. M. Pilar was
impressionable by temperament, with a marked tendency to view reality
according to her own particular mood. The apparent mistakes in administration
became real calamities for her, which she could not aceept. It was quite
impossible for her, once she had reached this position, to see any different
aspects of the situation, or to consider calmly the deeds and intentions of other
people. The worst part of M. Pilar's conduct during those years was closing her
mind to any suggestion which might modify the absolutely negative view which
she had formed about the state of the Institute. How far was she blameworthy
for that first attitude which in time became such a negative position? It would
be very difficult to say.
It is understandable that in these circumstances M. Pilar was fearing
the moment when the governing body would be constituted according to the
Constitutions. She could see that public opinion in the Institute considered M.
Sacred Heart quite unquestionably the Superior. It was also logical to assume
that when the Sisters had to find general consultors they would think of M.
Pilar first of all. She must have consulted Fr. Urrlburu when faced with that,
for her, impossible prospect; and she even suggested that he might bring some
influence to bear on the minds of some of the electors. With his usual prudence
he answered: «Commend the appointment of the General to God, and I will
do the same. But for several reasons I do not think that either myself or
anyone else should try to dissuade anyone from thinking of you or of any other
person. Pray hard that God may save you from any such charge, and let us
allow Him to act freely. You may also ask others to pray for this important
matter, but without any aim of your own. And God, who protects you so much,
will manage everything for His greater glory»10. «I hope that Our Lady and
10
230 Part two: 1877-1887
the Sacred Heart, in this month and day dedicated to them on which you arc
going to have the elections, will guide you so that you may choose those whom
God Our Lord has elected from all eternity for the support and government of
this new Congregation* 11 .
Fr. UrrAburu's advice calmed somewhat M. Pilar's manifest
displeasure, but it did not give her the peace she needed so much. While she
was in this state of interior turmoil, the eve of the election arrived.
The days preceding 13th May brought their burden of sorrow too to
M. Sacred Heart. If M. Pilar feared being elected Assistant in her sister's
government, M. Sacred Heart was fearful about being elected General, knowing
for certain that from that time forward it would be impossible to continue to
act and make decisions as she had done from the beginning of the Institute,
with the procedure which had enabled them to advance. That is, M. Sacred
Heart realised how difficult it would be for M. Pilar to be simply a consuitor,
on an equal footing with three other professed Sisters in the Institute, under
obedience to M. General. Yet, just as M. Pilar saw that the election of her
sister as Superior of the Institute was unavoidable, so M. Sacred Heart realised
that without any doubt, M. Pilar, with her qualities, and above all because she
was a foundress, had to be part of the General Council.
They both suffered enormously, although it was a different kind of
suffering in each. They both wanted to escape from that situation, yet they both
knew that from every point of view it was impossible to do so.
M. Sacred Heart still made an attempt to grasp the nettle. The
Constitutions required, among other conditions, that the General should be at
least forty years of age. She was just thirty-seven. Could that be considered an
impediment? She asked advice about this, with a hope which soon proved to
be false: «I do not think that your joy at discovering the age condition can be
complete, because other Congregations prescribe the same,., and when that is
not possible, the Rule is interpreted and someone not of that age is elected.
Nevertheless, that is a good reason, and I think you could mention it to the
Bishop... Repeat very often these days, 'Thy will be done on earth as in
heaven', and although heaven should fall, it does not matter* 12 .
M. Sacred Heart's great advantage over her sister was that whatever
happened she would accept it calmly as demanded by the complete offering of
her life: «... Surrender myself entirely to His holy will without placing the
slightest obstacle in the way*. She was a woman with one desire carried out
day by day in the absolute sincerity of her heart. M. Pilar had still a difficult
journey to make before she reached the peace-giving unity of her whole being.
11
Letter of 27th April 1SS7.
12
Letter from Fr. Julio Alarc6n S J. to M. Sacrcd Heart, Apnl-May, 1887.
A unanimous election and a painful moment
The internal tension of the days before 13th May culminated in some
action on the actual day of the election. M. Sacred Heart, well aware that all
eyes were upon her, went to M. Purisima:
«— I am afraid of being elected General; Maria del Pilar does not

want it. I would be very happy if she were elected.
— No, Mother; you will be elected, and if it is not by acclamation,
that is because the Sacred Congregation does not allow it ... because
you are in everyone's heart».
This short dialogue was recounted by M. Purisima, or perhaps by M,

Sacred Heart herself, to Maria del Carmen Aranda, who quoted it later on in
her historical account 13 . M. Maria de la Cruz another writer of the history
of the Institute at this time, also recounts the incident in varied terms. «That
same day M. Sacred Heart spoke to M. Purisima and said that M, Pilar was
very much displeased thinking that the Congregation was going to elect her ...
and M. Sacred Heart begged M. Maria de la Purisima to speak to the others...
so as to ensure that her sister, M. Pilar, would be elected, because she knew
that everyone in the Congregation would agree with whatever she, M. Sacred
Heart, said» 14 .
M. Maria de la Cruz added that after speaking to M. Purisima, M,
Sacred Heart spoke to her: «... She spoke to M. Maria de la Cruz in
confidencc, and with much anxiety; she said it would be very bad if she were
appointed General Superior, and she thought that M. Purisima and Maria de
la Cruz, to whom she was speaking, could influence the others so that her
sister, M. Maria del Pilar, might be elected*.
M. Maria de la Cruz? literary style is not exactly flowing; but the
continual repetition of names as the subject of each sentence makes the facts
quite clear, leaving no room for doubt. The passage which follows reveals how
she acted in the situation, and helps us to realise how little she knew, at that
time, about the internal difficulties in the Institute: «M. Maria de la Cruz
protested at this, saying she would not interfere in such a matter; that Our
Lord would say through the votes who it should be. M. Sacred Heart begged
her to think well, and that what she said was the best course, which would
bring about a great improvement and would avoid much trouble. She did not
tell her clearly what she was worried about, but she realized that it was a great
13
Story of M. Sacred Heart I p. 37.
14
M. MARIA DE LA CRUZ, Chronicle I p. 137.
232 Part two: 1877-1887
trouble, and that she earnestly wanted them to vote for M. Maria del Pilar as
General Superior. As M. Maria de la Cruz knew nothing about the friction
between tbe two sisters, she really thought that the anxiety was caused by the
devil on the day of the election just to upset the council; so she said it was from
the devil, and she would not do anything to influence the election* 15 .
M. Purisima also wrote her version of this incident. Her account varies
somewhat the details given in the others, and she stresses the negative aspects
of M. Pilar's attitude. She also disregards the extraordinary magnanimity of M.
Sacred Heart, whom she reported as saying that it would not be expedient for
either herself or her sister to be elected 16 .
The time for the election arrived. About twenty persons were gathered
in the hall, all quite certain about the outcome of the election. Nevertheless
some of them were full of anxiety. M. Sacred Heart was resigned, but
sorrowful, having tried to bring about a solution which would leave her out of
the governing body, or at least without the supreme authority. M. Pilar was in
a still more painful situation because right up to the last moment she was
struggling and undecided as to the person for whom she should vote. She was
not greatly experienced in controlling her emotions. As they looked at her face,
the electors could see quite clearly that something serious was happening to
her; and those to whom M. Sacred Heart had spoken were especially alert.
MM. Maria de la Cruz, Maria del Carmen Aranda and Maria de la
Purisima all recount the outcome of the problem: «When the moment arrived,
M. Pilar, feeling some kind of doubt, wrote two ballot papers: on one she
elected her sister, M. Sacred Heart as General Superior; on the other she
wrote another name. When the time came for her to place her vote in the
ballot box, she picked out at random one of the two papers which she had
placed in her belt, and it was the one on which she elected M. Sacred
Heart* 17 .
As had been foreseen M. Sacrcd Heart's name came out as many
times as there were electors. Naturally, only her own was missing. The Bishop
of Madrid-Alcala who was presiding, declared her elected General of the
Institute. During the act of rendering homage, Mother «was motionless, with
a look of resignation and suffering which revealed her interior sorrow* 18 .
Immediately afterwards, the election of the Assistants took place. MM. Maria
15
Chronicle I p. 137-8. M. Ma. de la Cruz speaks of herself throughout in the 3rd person.
16
M. Punsima wrote that M. Pilar was determined to leave the Institute and go abroad if her
sister was elected. This idea does not fit in with later events, and is quite unlikely in view of other
written sources.
17
M. MARIA DEL CARMEN ARANDA, Story of M. Pilar 1 p. 9-10.
18
del Pilar, Maria de la Purisima, Maria de la Cruz arid Maria de San Javier
were elected.
It was about six o'clock in the evening when all was over. The
embraces, the speeches of those in the meeting and the joy of the rest of the
community were the external accompaniment of the most painful moments in
M. Sacred Heart's life. Only the twilight shades and the sad declining rays of
the setting sun could really fit in with her state of mind.
The joy of the community was spontaneous and sincere, reflecting the
satisfaction of the whole Institute at that moment. The supper that day was the
first family gathering, and was a real feast. But even there, there was a note of
bitterness. M. Maria de la Cruz recounts: «Before supper I saw R.M. Maria
del Pilar Porras crying hard, and I was very much surprised because I thought
everyone had been pleased with the appointment of the General Superior,
especially the two foundresses who had always fulfilled the same posts, even
without Constitutions. But M. Maria del Pilar told me that she was sorry
because she saw many troubles ahead; I answered: "But, Mother, isn't
everything just the same?" She said, "No", and she did not get over it; others
knew about it as well, but M. Pilar did not hide it» 19 .
The situation became tense when M. Maria del Pilar interrupted M.
Maria del Carmen Aranda in the d i n i n g room as she was reading a poem in
honour of the newly elected M. General. The two accounts of the incident
mention the abruptness and annoyance of the one, and the meekness and
prudence of the other. All M. Sacred Heart's powers of endurance were needed
to prevent that sudden attack from becoming anything more than a strange
outburst from M. Pilar for which hardly anyone knew the cause, still less did
they give it its real meaning. «M. General passed it over, saying softly: Go on,
Sister, go on!» 20
«No one (but) God prepared the election; it was He who placed love
and veneration for M. Sacred Heart above all others, into the hearts of them
all»21. And without any doubt, so many manifestations of love must have been
a comfort for the General who was beginning her term of government in the
midst of such painful family contradiction. The joy was perfect, untinged by any
other sentiment, for those who were unaware of M. Pilar's attitude. The letters
written by the religious commenting on the event bear the mark of authenticity,
and tell us of their true festive joy. At supper time in Madrid the Sisters had
a toast, and some were so filled with enthusiasm that they broke the glasses!
19
Chronicle I p. 142.
M. MA. DEL CARMEN ARANDA, Story ofM. S. Heart I p. 40; Story ofM. Pilar I p. 7-11;
21
M. MA. DEL CARMEN ARANDA Story of M.S. Heart I p. 40.
234 Part two: 1877-1887
The news took longer to reach the rest of the Institute, but when the letter did
arrive it caused such emotion that they all poured out the most expressive
letters: «... One of the Sisters began to read the letter, and when she came to
the part which said you had been appointed General we all gave a great shout.
I said: 'Long live Mother'. Another one said: 'What joy!'... In fact, Mother,
however much I say, I never finish telling you of the happiness in this house on
that day... My mouth is too small to give thanks to Our Lord* 22 . When they
wrote to M. Sacred Heart, most of the Sisters said that in reality they should
be congratulating themselves.
The sincere greetings of the friends of the Institute were joined to the
simple outpourings of the religious. Fr. Urr^buru wrote: «I am not surprised
that you have been choscn for the important post, and knowing well how you
are feeling, I send you my sympathy, although I firmly believe that God Our
Lord will direct this election to His greater glory and the good of the
Congregation, and even of your own soul; and you, by obeying God and
accepting His holy will, so clearly manifested, will find in the fulfilment of your
chargc the occasion for acts of charity, mortification, humility and other virtues,
with great merits for heaven. Our Lord, who has placed this cross on your
shoulders, will redouble your strength so that you may be able to bear it. His
usual way is to wound with one hand and to apply the remedy with the other;
to test his servants with trials and to multiply his graces to help them overcome
them* 23 .
After the election of the governing body, the General Congregation
met for a few more days in Madrid to deal with the less important matters.
Finally the members departed for their houses. M. Pilar and M. Maria de la
Cruz were still Superiors of the houses in Jerez and Cordova respectively,
besides having the new charge of General Assistant; so, when the meetings
were over, they returned to their communities. The other Assistants stayed in
Madrid.
Those days of external exultation and of interior stress had come to an
end for M. Sacred Heart. There is no record anywhere that M. Pilar spoke as
she had done at other times, of her sorrow at having made her sister suffer.
Her tendency to rebel was too strong at that time; it had been as much as she
could do to combat her displeasure; and the struggle had upset her so much
that she blindly seemed to consider herself excused from making any effort to
be affable and calm.
With her serenity and prudence M. Sacred Heart cloaked M. Pilar's
dipleasure, uneasiness and worry. Only the newly elected Assistants and
22
23
Letter of M. Maria In&s, Bilbao, May 1887.
Letter of 28th May, 1887.
M.Maria del Carmen Aranda were aware of the state of mind of the
foundresses. The community in Madrid and the other communities continued
to celebrate the joy of that new government in which the two sisters maintained
the special place they had held since the beginning in the life of the Institute
and in the hearts of them all. As they were not well versed in Canon Law, or
rather, as they knew nothing about it, most of the Religious were practically
unaware of the role assigned to the General Assistants, and hence they did not
realise that after the election on 13th May, M. Pilar began to share with three
other persons an office subordinate to that of M. General 24 .
M. Sacred Heart's term of office as General was beginning, and with
it the period of her life richest in undertakings, in achievements, as well as in
sorrows and renunciations.
This is ccrtain. We may remember that M. Maria de la Cruz (one of the Assistants!) on
the day of the election, said t o M . Pilar whom she saw crying: «But, Mother, isn't everything just
the same as before?» M. Pilar, who was better informed, answered in the negative.
PART THREE
(1887-1893)
Chapter I
PERPETUAL PROFESSION
The setting for a new stage
On studying the events which occurred in the Institute between 1887

and 1893 we are almost obliged to conclude that it seems impossible that such
abundant life could develop in the midst of such great contradictions. During
the generalate of M. Sacred Heart a house was opened in the centre of Madrid,
while a dispute continued with the Bishop of the diocese, almost as serious as
that with Fray Ceferino at the beginning of the Institute. The first boarding
school was established in La Coruna at the cost of great efforts on the part of
the foundresses, who in spite of their differences, made progress with the new
work. A house was founded in Cadiz, and, above all, M. Sacred Heart achieved
one of her greatest desires, the foundation in Rome.
There were other events more remarkable still. The foundresses and
their first companions made their perpetual profession in the Institute. We
shall see the difficulties which accompanied this event, the first in which the
Porras sisters were separated; then the number of Handmaids j o i n i n g the
Novitiate who made their temporary and then perpetual vows in the
Congregation greatly increased. M. Sacred Heart's exceptional, mature
spirituality produced its richest teaching, and, as General, she travelled to all
the houses, planting, encouraging, exhorting.
Without any doubt «the greatest work» she could do for her God, then
as always, was surrender herself completely to his holy will1. That divine will
had placed her in a situation which she had not sought for herself. She had not
wanted the Generalate or the difficulties. Surrender to God's will means
allowing Him to do His work, but it also means seconding it. God had shown
that He wanted her to be General, so she dedicated herself to governing the
Institute with all her physical and spiritual strength. However, God does not
want difficulties; He only permits them, respecting each one's personal
response. M. Sacred Heart spared no effort to maintain union of hearts, and
to rebuild it where it had been destroyed, because «where there is no union,
God is not present*2. She was determined to suffer for Christ, but far beyond
her love of the cross was her desire to unite hearts. It would be difficult to find
a person more determined to create bonds, to form community, to trust blindly
1
Spiritual notes 30; Retreat 1893.
2
Letter to M. Pilar, September 1889.
240 Pan three; 1887-1893
in the universal power of love. She accepted humiliation and obscurity when
love demanded nothing but her acceptance, when she had exhausted every
resource for happy, fraternal co-existence, in which she would be a sign of
unity, such as God wanted when he chose her, and not a stumbling block.
The difficulties which arose from an election which went against the
grain for M. Pilar were seen immediately. It may be said that the elder
foundress opposed every decision of her sister, well aware of the effect of her
negative attitude. Her outlook on financial and administrative matters was
completely opposite to that of M. Sacred Heart but would not have been
sufficient to cause hostility if the finances had not affected the life of the
Institute. M. Pilar, with much exaggeration, believed the Congregation to be
on the verge of ruin, and her sister was responsible for this. Although all her
criticism was directed to this aspect, she felt justified in raising the alarm with
deep foreboding about the future of the Institute. Yet the greatest financial
difficulties could have been avoided calmly and with a responsible idea of
union 3 . But at that time M. Pilar was unable to judge calmly - she was going
through a deep personal crisis - and she tried to assert her ideas with such
force that it demolished any consideration in defence of the position of others.
If she had not had financial worries she would probably have found other
difficulties as a basis for the hostility which probably caused more suffering for
her than for any other member of the government of the Institute.
M. Pilar, like M. Sacred Heart, loved that Institute with her whole
being; it was the fruit of the labour, of the sorrow and of the love of both
sisters. Subconsciously, with an instinctive reaction, she mixed rebellion with her
sense of personal responsibility, and regarded herself as acting for the good of
the Congregation when she was tenaciously defending her own ideas. Thus,
adhering firmly to her own opinion, she came to think that in opposing her
sister she was acting meritoriously - however painful it might be - for the good
of the Institute. When reading her letters and personal notes it is difficult to
distinguish between her blindness and her sense of responsibility. She was
unable to free herself from this confusion until she had experienced on her own
a sorrow similar to that which she had inflicted upon M. Sacred Heart.
Yet we must avoid all simplistic judgements. Just as it would be
absurd to try to justify all M. Pilar's words and acts, so it would also be unjust
to see her during those years as an obstinate, violent, headstrong person,
lacking in understanding. She was a woman struggling with strong feelings, but
3
Wc shall not deal with the question of the financial state of the Institute; whether it was
critical or not bears no relation to the judgement on the persons who had an influence on the
problems of government.
C. 1. Perpetual profession 241
not incapablc of very generous efforts. If we do not bear this in mind it will be
difficult to understand why, so soon after the election, she tried hard to obtain
a Generalate for life for the Institute, as this would have meant confirming her
sister in her post of government 4 . In her interior struggles at this time she
had more failures than victories, or rather, she passed through more darkness
than light. However, she was not left completely in darkness, and she did gain
some victories. In a letter to her sister in which she speaks of her appointment
as General she gives her encouragement: «... This is from God, and we are all
happy and ready to help you. You have not given yourself the task, and you arc
not alone. Try not to be scared, and overcome all troubles, both interior and
exterior, by sailing over them like a cork on the water* 5 . Shortly before this
she had received a letter from Fr. Urr&buru who said: «... The nominations are
what God wants, and I hope they will be for His greater glory and the good of
the Congregation®6.
In spite of her generous reactions it was very hard for M. Pilar not
only to obey, but to collaborate also in the direction which her sister gave to
events.
For M. Sacred Heart, in spite of her great faith and generosity, and
her firm will to seek peace and to give herself up to God's will, what
tremendous suffering it meant to govern the Institute having as a Councillor a
sister who nearly always acted against her!
After the election
As soon as the General Congregation was over they were offered the
possibility of founding in such places as Malaga and Granada. M. Sacred
Heart made the proposal known to the Assistants, and M. Pilar answered
negatively at once: «I do not think it would be pleasing to God if we made
foundations now, apart from lack of personnel and resources, it would make
it impossible for us to provide the houses, especially Cordova, with the Sisters
needed for the perfect observance of the rule. Two years quiet would give us
a great increase in the spiritual and the material. And I do not think Our Lord
will clear the way for Rome now, so that the Congregation may be
strengthened as is so much needed* 7 .
4
MM. Pilar and Purisima dealt with the matter. They wanted a government similar to that
in the Society of Jesus.
5
6
Letter of 31st May 1887.
7
Letter from M. Pilar to M. Sacred Heart 22nd June 1887.
242 Part three: 1887-1893
For similar reasons M. Pilar opposed a foundation in Vitoria which Fr.

Hidalgo proposed and desired with great interest. He was a poor support for
that project, because M. Pilar considered that he had no gift for business.
Besides, the fact that he was M. Sacred Heart's spiritual director confirmed her
in the opinion which they both had of him 8
On 20th June M. Sacred Heart left Madrid to visit the houses in

Andalusia. This journey greatly upset M, Pilar. A few days before, she had
acknowledged her blindness when overcome by her feelings: - «anyone who has
an emotional nature like mine becomes blind without wanting to do so*9 - yet
she forgot all her good resolutions when her sister announced her journey, and
she wrote giving her her opposing opinion: «If you come, you arc coming to
your own home, but I do not encourage you to do so because it always causes
talking, and as you know, the idea that we are careless about observing
recollection. Although we should avoid anything which impedes the progress of
the Congregation, we should be careful about any action which does not help
or could even be a hindrance. Our journeys, and especially ours who have some
standing, should be wel] considered, that is, with an aim, and for something
important. Travelling about in trains with no purpose is frivolous* 10 . In fact
whenever M. Sacred Heart planned a journey, M. Pilar seldom thought there
was sufficient reason for it.
M. Sacred Heart considered it her duty to explain this situation to the
Assistants. She wrote to M. Purisima from Jerez on 28th July: «M.Pilar's state
could not be worse. She welcomed me in a way you can imagine, and she still
carries on almost the same as in Madrid... This situation must cease; we cannot
carry on like this. I say this very peacefully. I think she would be cured, for her
own good and for that of the Congregation if she or you were given tbe charge;
that is what she wants, she does not want anyone else. You know my ideas, and
if this is not stopped I foresee some great trouble. Speak to San Javier about
this, and pray about it, and let me know what you think... I am also consulting
Maria de la Cruz; I repeat, this is very serious. In some ways they are right to
act like this towards me, because there is a great difference in our ability*11.
In a letter to M. Sacred Heart, M. Pilar said: «... I thank: God that this Father has nothing
to do with our affairs, because although I agree that he has great virtue and theological
knowledge, ...but in dealing with business, not a bit of good...» 9th July 1887. And M. Sacred Heart
agreed.
9
10
11
M. Pilar was usually in Jerez, where she was superior. When M. Sacred Heart said «she is
almost the same as she was in Madrid^, she was referring to the days of the General
Congregation.
C.1.Perpetual profession 243
M. Purisima answered M. Sacred Heart by return post: «... with regard to what
you say about that Mother, I say what I said to you on the day of the
nomination: that the one called by God, it seems to me, is you* 12 . The other
two assistants gave the same reassuring reply: «... Although I am very sorry, I
am not worried, some troubles were to be expected after such great graces...*
M. Maria de la Cruz attributed the difficulties to a divine plan rather than to
the action of the devil (this was an idea she used frequently), as an explanation
for troubles: «Rathcr than our enemy, it is the One who loves us so much, to
make us go to Him» 13 . This time M. San Javier really understood the
problem: «M. Purisima has told me about the events leading up to the days of
the election. She has also told mc what is happening now in Jerez, and your
suggestion. After thinking about this before Our Lord, ... I cannot but say,
Mother, that I only see that everything was done by God for the general good
of the Congregation...* 14 .
It may be asked, what really did happen during M. Sacred Heart's visit
to Jerez. It would seem that the General must have come up against important
problems if she was forced to think seriously about offering her resignation. But
the worst part of the affair was the trifling nature of the reasons adduced by
M. Pilar for her bad reception of her sister: her attitude was the same as in
previous years, but more openly expressed, just when after the election, by the
General Congregation of the Institute, the competence of each one should have
been clearly defined. The Constitutions indicated that visiting the houses was
one of the General's duties. By placing difficulties in the way of M. Sacred
Heart's movements, M. Pilar was unconsciously opposing the Constitutions for
which she had worked so hard to obtain approval. It was difficult to explain to
the community her violent reactions, her disrespectful answers and the outward
signs of her interior ill-feeling. This is a fact, but, bearing in mind the
familiarity inherent in the relationship of the two sisters, the seriousness of her
outbursts would have to be considered less serious.
M. Sacred Heart returned to Madrid on 6th August worried and
pained by M. Pilar's attitude. Besides the advice of her Assistants, who
encouraged her to carry on in the post to which sbe had been elected, she must
have received a similar exhortation from Fr. Hidalgo. She wrote to her sister
a few days later, as if nothing had happened, asking her to go to Bilbao to look
for the house for the community. She wanted M. Pilar to go because she
considered she had «more knowledge* in those matters, she undoubtedly did
believe this, but she entrusted this task to her more than anything because she
12
13
Letter to M. Sacred Heart 30th July 1887.
14
244 Part three: 1887-1893
wanted to bring about a reconciliation with her sister which would bring peace
to the General Council and through them it would be possible to maintain unity
in the whole Institute. At this time the communities were completely unaware
of the problem.
But M. Pilar delayed the journey, although that mission was most
appropriate for her energetic character. She was in no hurry at all. So,
M.Sacred Heart, under pressure from M. Maria del Salvador, superior of the
house, set off for Bilbao at the end of August to settle the matter. She wrote
to her sister: «Don't be annoyed because I have come. It was necessary. I think
that Our Lord will not be pleased to see you always annoyed®15. M.Pilar
received news of the journey when the house in Jerez was very busy. The
community had prepared a young Swedish girl, a Protestant, to be received into
the Church. They were now preparing for the baptism, in a great family feast
at which the Superior had to be present. M. Sacred Heart mentions the
baptism of the Swedish girl in the letter in which she gendy urged her sister to
make peace: «They say that Fr. Urr&buru is not coming until mid-September.
When the baptism is over, you could come without saying where, but as if to
Madrid; you could see the Father, and settle this at the same time, because I
don't want to do it alone, and it cannot be left undone*.
It was not possible to do more to obtain peace. While waiting for M.
Pilar, the General did a great deal of business. She looked at several houses,
and asked advice about them; she weighed the advantages and disadvantages.
One of them seemed the most suitable to all the persons who understood the
matter, but it was not to rent; it was only for sale. M. Sacred Heart considered
the idea and the possibility of borrowing money at a reasonable interest.
Naturally she consulted the Assistants, and when they opposed the plan, she
gave it up immediately.
In the meantime M. Pilar learned that her sister was considering
buying a house, so she left all the business in Jerez which had seemed so
urgent until that moment, and went to Madrid, on her way to Bilbao. Then M.
Sacred Heart delegated all her powers to her and left for Saragossa. The Diary
of the house in Madrid which gives general facts about the Congregation,
recounts this journey of the General: «She arrived safely in Saragossa at 11
p.m. on 12th. The chaplain of the house met them at the station with his
mother, and took them in his carriage to our house. The Sisters were all up at
that time, and very happy at Mother's arrival. The spiritual state of the house
is very good; the Sisters are observant, hard-working, with great endurance, as
is proved by the many inconveniences they have to bear in the house...*16.
15
Letter written between 29th and 31st August 1887.
Diary of the Madrid House, typed copy p. 89.
M. Sacred Heart was going there to put an end, as far as possible, to those
many inconveniences*, and above all, to give them encouragement not to give
way under difficulties.
The General was back in Madrid by 21st. At the end of this first visit
to the communities she was very satisfied with the spiritual fervour of the
Sisters, which at times was heroic; she was also worried by the many material
needs of the houses. But above all, the uncertainty about the future of the
government, was weighing upon her. The greatest difficulties could be
overcome if they were united: «... Thus we shall get whatever we want, because
we have God Our Lord for our own», she had said before this. Could this be
said about union now? As far as she was concerned, the situation could not be
left as it was. That same summer, in the midst of the journeys and the
uneasiness caused by her sister's statements, M. Sacred Heart had admitted to
Fr. Isidro Hidalgo her momentary wavering. His reply had urged her on to
continue along the way of trusting surrender to God: «Be sure that this
temptation comes from your self love, because you r h i n k that He has need of
human talents and wisdom in order to govern a Congregation, forgetting that
God chooses the most despicable things for his greatest works. Therefore, be
docile to God, and go forward; He is all powerful ...»17. She replied two days
later: «You put your finger on the wound. All my struggles are caused by my
self love, and 1 am afraid of doing anything badly; I think more about that than
about what I should be doing. I think it is difficult to be cured; however, I shall
begin, and for the rest I shall trust in Our Lord*.
That extraordinary humility of M. Sacred Heart was all the more
genuine because it was based on the acknowledgement of her own limitations.
Besides, it was a humility always guided by love and the unfailing effort to
achieve union of hearts. If only M. Pilar could have seen just as clearly that
God wanted, more than anything else, communion of spirit, that in reality God
wanted that alone...
M. Sacred Heart's letter to Fr. Hidalgo ended with a few words which
reveal that she had not lost her sense of humour in spite of her struggles: «I
have just finished writing eight or ten signatures with 'General Superior'; I
have begun to overcome myself now»18.
17
18
246 Part three: 1887-1893
Plan for new foundations
M. Pilar was in Catalonia in November. M. Sacred Heart sent her to

see about a foundation in Manresa; but after several attempts, it did not work
out. However, it was an occasion for renewing a relationship with D. Juan
Comes, who had been the Vicar General in the diocese of Cordova, and now
held the same post in Tarragona. But it was also an opportunity for M. Pilar
to use her specific gifts. The sisters' correspondence at this time showed no sign
of lack of understanding.
In 1888 new problems were added to those already existing in the
government of the Institute. It seems extraordinary that the foundresses could
have had sufficient spiritual reserves to continue to make plans and then to put
then into practice. This seems especially remarkable in M. Sacred Heart. It
would be natural for a person so restricted by the opposition of those closcst
to her, to become immobilized; but not for a moment did she ceasc to act as
General even in the presence of her sister's contradictory attitude. God alone
must know how much this cost her.
On 11th January she proposed a long-cherished plan to her Assistants:
to found a house in the centre of Madrid. This would mean, for a start, buying
property, negotiating a favourable means of payment, disposing of sufficient
cash... Many difficulties would surface, even in normal circumstances; but, very
difficult problems would arise if not supported by the enthusiasm of all the
members of the General Council.
Most likely, even before she proposed it, M. Sacred Heart was aware
that M. Pilar would refuse. In fact, when the moment camc, she «declarcd that
she would by no means accept the business, because she thought it would cause
serious trouble for the Congregation. She brought forward many reasons which
M. Purisima refuted, thus wanting her to give way before majority opinion. But
she said that unless some competent person assured her that the business could
be done without opposing orders from the Holy See, she would not give in»19.
She mentioned the Holy See because of her fear which she constantly
manifested, that the expense would bring financial ruin upon the Institute, and
because it would mean using means contrary to the rules of administration (e.g.
disposing of novices' property, incurring dangerous debts, etc.). All of this was
possible, but not probable but which M.Pilar considered inevitable; she even
saw it as an evil already upon them.
The meeting on 11th January ended without any proper vote on the
matter proposed; but there is a reference to it in the following minutes: «On
several days during February M. General discussed the following matters, and
19
Minuses of Meetings of General Council pp.8 and 9.
decided: 1. The foundation in Madrid, already voted on, would not be

abandoned, and they would also go to Gij6n to see if a house could be found
and a foundation made there, if suitable...*20.
M. Maria de la Cruz wrote in her Chronicle that she was in favour of
the foundation, but not at that time when there was a lack of financial
means 21 . Such a statement seems to contradict her tacit support of the
project recorded in the minutes of 11th January. There may be many reasons
for the disparity, but any one of them would presuppose something
unpredictable on the part of one of the Assistants. (Was Maria de la Cruz
influenced by M. Pilar's strongly-held reasons? Was it that she did not dare
oppose M. Saered Heart in the Council meeting? Or perhaps, the secretary did
not record all the opinions accurately?)
M. Pilar wrote to her sister about this time: «1 would like Our Lord
to put an end to these opposing ideas; I am praying for that, and I would do
anything to obtain it. But perhaps he has reasons for not doing so, and I do not
want to worry but to aecept the reproaches and anything which is said to me
as part of my cross*22.
That paragraph shows how difficult it was to break down that barrier
of misunderstanding which M. Pilar had ereeted between them. She herself said
that «the opposition of ideas* was not new; but now with a governing body
formed according to the Constitutions the difficulties were increased. «... God
has ehanged the situation now, and I don't see how I can see things as you do
(and I study it with no result), and I have no time for bickering. What can I
do? I can only hide myself as much as possible. Our Lord knows that I would
bury myself underground, not to avoid suffering, because I am ready for that
with His help, but in order not to cause anyone else to suffer...* 23 .
It is really a wonder to see how much M. Pilar was enclosed in her
own ideas. It is impossible to know how eulpable was her obstinaey. At that
time it caused her to distort completely the intention of any good advice she
was given. «... Be simple with Mother (General) and give a clear opinion when
she consults you. Apart from that you have no need to make comments...*
Thus wrote Fr. Urriiburu to M. Pilar 24 . He had most likely noticed her
tendency to give her opinion on everything, and to give it in such a way that it
seemed that she was General. But from this kind of advice she concluded that
she should withdraw («hide as much as possible*).
20
Minutes p.13.
21
Chronicle I p. 152.
22
U t t e r of 10th Feb. 1888.
23
Ibid.
24
248 Part three: 1887-1893
The meetings in January with the Assistants, and the previous conduct
of M. Pilar had been so painful for M. Sacred Heart that for the second time
she suggested resigning from her post. None of the Councillors thought this a
possible solution. A letter from M. Maria de la Cruz reveals her support of the
General, as well as her lack of knowledge in questions of government. She
suggested that she should act as she had done before the General Council was
constituted; that is, counting upon M. Pilar for everything, as well as giving her
a certain autonomy in the administration. «Knowing that you are ready to
sacrifice yourself for the glory of God and the Congregation, and keeping in
mind a saying of St. Francis of Sales: 'there is no one to speak the truth to
great people 1 , it seems to me that you should continue as before the approval,
with advice from M. Pilar and giving her some freedom in material things, as
you did then; there would be peace and the Congregation would lose nothing,
because you would be at the helm, as you were then, and there was agreement
in everything for both of you. On the other hand, if you resign, there would be
a great scandal at the first step, the Institute would lose the esteem of all good
people; and quite rightly, because the Superior who has governed right from
the beginning, now cannot go on, when she has been appointed canonicaliy, not
even to the end of the fixed term; this has a very ugly appearance ... Besides,
who would bring about a new election? ... Look at this more slowly, and
consider what would be better: to ruin the Congregation or to go on as before
somewhat dependent on the opinion of M. Pilar, who, after all, has also gone
through much for the Congregation, and she is always seeking its
advancement...®25.
M. Maria de la Cruz was suggesting an absurd solution - she was
destroying the unique character of M. General's authority and the role of the
Consultors -, but as she herself said, this had been the way the Institute had
progressed for ten years. M. Sacred Heart could not be satisfied with that
solution; she was right to dislike it.
«God grant that we succeed with education*
When M. Sacred Heart returned from Andalusia she held the meeting
already mentioned in which it was agreed not to give up the foundation in
Madrid for which they had voted, and besides, to go to Gijon in search of a
house. In her historical record M. Maria del Carmen affirms that there was not
actually a vote, 26 but «a tacit consent* 27 .
25
Letter of 18th Februaty 1888.
The same is implied, as we have seen, by the Minutes of 11th..
27
History of M. Sacred Hear! I p.50.
At the beginning of March it was decided to make a foundation in the

North of Spain 28 . «... M. General and the Assistants decided on a journey
to Gij6n to see if a house could be found there for a foundation, if suitable. It
was decided that M. Pilar should go with another Sister to see the town and to
find out if with the attraction of schools they might offer us some help, for the
Congregation cannot provide more than the upkeep of the Sisters who have
their dowries*29.
For the time being the tension in the government gave way a little.
M.Pilar and another Sister set out to fulfil their commission in the middle of
March. They were going to Gijon but they stopped in Valladolid where two
Jesuits resided whose advice was highly esteemed in the Institute: Fr. Urr&buru
and Fr. Vicente G6mez. M. Pilar was very pleased to speak about spiritual
matters with the former, but it was Fr. Gomez in this case who most influenced
the progress of business for the foundation. They planned to have a house in
Gij6n similar to those already there. But the plans were changed, and through
a series of circumstances the first boarding school was established in La
Coruna. Very strangely, at the time when the foundresses were caught up in
heartrending interior struggles, they were able to set up a community ready for
the demands of the widest ranging apostolic work that had yet existed in the
Institute.
The conversation with Fr. G6mez in Valladolid encouraged M. Pilar
to choose La Coruna as the most suitable place for the foundation. When she
arrived b the town she had not the slightest doubt. Another Jesuit, Fr. Ignacio
Santos, told her of all the circumstances for which this town should be
preferred to any other b the north of Spain. It was rather important because
of its numerous inhabitants, and there was no religious house b the new part.
There was urgent need for solid Christian education, especially among the
wealthy families. M. Pilar mentioned all these reasons immediately to M.
Sacred Heart b a very enthusiastic letter: «Now I am going to tell you all that
I have been able to learn m the short time we are here. Pray to God about it,
and send me an answer because this is not something I can decide alone for
the Institute ...»30 M. Pilar realised that she was proposbg a work which
would considerably enlarge their field of activity, although it was well within the
spirit of the Institute. Hence she understood that it could not be just her own
project, but must be accepted by her sister and the Assistants. She then
explabed the opportunity it would give for work m education not limited to
28
M.S. Heart saw this foundation in the North as a release from the tense situation, hence
the projected house in Madrid was left in abeyance for the time being.
29
Minutes, p.13.
30
250 Part three: 1887-1893
purely religious teaching, nor to the needs of one social class.

Some paragraphs of her letter are especially expressive:
«I really believe that if this can be done it would give honour and
glory to God through the almost certain good which would be done to
those souls so needy and without resources. ... Who knows if perhaps
this cold, indifferent town could be regenerated?*
«I would be sorry not to help this immense need; I imagine that if
St. Ignatius were alive and came here and saw this great need which
is beyond words ... even if he did not expect any benefit for the
Society, but just for the honour and glory of God and the good of
these souls, he would bring Fathers here, even if he had to take them
from places where they were very useful for the Society...*
«... the town is very similar to Cadiz, and I am surprised that
teaching Institutes have not come here. Will it be because it has been
reserved for us, as the patron of Galicia is the Blessed
Sacrament?* 31
As can be seen M. Pilar was occupied in a new absorbing activity.

M. Sacred Heart in Madrid must have felt relieved, although she realised that
the suggested school would mean great sacrifices and difficult demands. The
General was not surprised at that proposal, neither did she consider it as
something foreign to the Institute. She accepted the new work with all its
consequences because she understood the need to found that education ccntre.
Her generosity can never be sufficiently praised: she accepted her sister's plan
with her whole heart even though she had just seen her own suggestions
rejected. She accepted the plan whole-heartedly, but in her own way, that is,
more calmly; with enthusiasm balanced by reflection, by prudent calculation of
the difficulties which would not be wanting. AH M. Pilar's reasons were valid;
but M. Sacred Heart must have realized that besides being valid, they were also
her own reasons which M. Pilar was defending so warmly. Objectivity was never
a strong point with that elder sister to whom she had always been united, and
whom she understood so well.
She answered M. Pilar's letter by return post. And some days later,
confirming her desire to found the school in La Coruna she spoke of certain
worries: «God grant that we succeed in education, and that it may work in such
a way that our Eucharistic apostolatc is not diminished...* That was
sensible thinking: the school was going to cause difficulties, seeing that the
31
Ibid.
32
Letter of 12th-13th April 1888.
Handmaids had not undertaken that apostolate before. Besides, owing to the
small number of members in the Congregation, it might even cause some
practical difficulty for Eucharistic worship. If M. Sacred Heart had wanted to
use the same arguments as her sister when she was opposing a project, she
might have said that the «great need, beyond all words» for religious education
in La Coruna was no excuse for them to undertake a work for which they had
no means and no preparation. But basically, she did not use argument; as if
through instinct, but also through deliberate decision, she sought conciliation.
The difficulties inherent in the work were obvious from the b e g i n n i n g
They were real difficulties, but M. Pilar, in great earnest about the foundation,
was unable to see that. They needed many well-prepared religious educators;
there were certainly not many to spare in the Institute. The sisters'
correspondence reveals both the reality of the problem and the diversity of
their points of view. M. Pilar was always asking for Sisters to be sent; M.
Sacred Heart acceded to her desires as far as possible; but good will also has
its limits, and she could not always please her sister. M. Pilar often objected
that the persons sent to La Coruna were «not good enough and not
sufficient* . And she was right. But not so when she said that in other
houses «they have good Sisters, but they are being ruined* 34 .
As day by day M. Pilar began to experience the difficulties caused by
opening the school, she said: «To undertake a work without the necessary
means is very rash* 35 . But if her first enthusiasm was lacking in experience,
it must be acknowledged that the many setbacks in La Coruna did not diminish
the strength of her will. That work was the fruit of an intuition, and she had
gone forward with the same temerity - and with the same success - as she had
set out two years before on the way to Rome to negotiate the approval of the
Institute.
Preparing for perpetual profession
At the same time as she was generously supporting the project in La

Coruna, and dealing with the needs of the other communities, M. Sacred Heart
decided that the moment had come to prepare for perpetual profession. So in
May she got ready for the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius. She called the
annual eight day retreat «the soul's little summer*; this time it was to be
extended to one month. She had great need to gain strength! She had been
33
Letter to M. Maria del Salvador 17th April 1888.
34
Letter to M. Sacred Heart, 19th March 1889.
35
Ibid. 25th August 1889.
252 Part three: 1887-1893
wanting to have this great experience since the previous year, but she had to
give up the idea because the work of the Novitiate demanded continual
attention. She would have like to withdraw to a different house, far away from
all worry about the affairs of the Institute. She consulted M. Pilar, but she was
not keen on the idea 36 .
She began her retreat on 1st May in the Novitiate house in Madrid. In
fact she did not need a special atmosphere in order to place herself in contact
with God.
She did not write many pages to record her experiences. She began to
do so during the first days, but then she gave up the task. The little she did
leave on record is sufficient to reassure us that she began that great retreat
with the «liberality» which for St. Ignatius is the measure of self-giving to God
and of the divine action in us. This time, as always, she tried to make of her life
a response to that Lord who was not asking great works of her, but only the
complete surrender of her whole being. «The greatest work that I can do for
my God is this: surrender myself entirely to His holy will without imposing the
slightest obstacle* 37 . She had lived for nearly forty years with increasing
intensity, especially during the last ten years. She had a deep awareness of what
«the greatest work* could mean for her, and what could be «little obstacles*.
M. Sacred Heart knew well that she was loved with infinite love, and she felt
her limitations as a creature. And she began the Exercises determined with all
the sincerity of her heart to face up to those questions which so many people
have asked themselves from the time of St. Ignatius until our own day. «What
have I done for Christ? What am I d o b g for Christ? What should I be doing
for Christ?* 38
On the first page of her notes for those days, M. Sacred Heart wrote:
«2nd May 1888... midnight. I began with fear, but with courage,
ready to follow the Exercises with as much fervour as possible, even
though I was like a stone the whole month, as I was then...*
Just as at other times in her life, M. Sacred Heart then felt her natural
weakness. The thought of recent contradictions, the Assistants' limitations and
3<
* «I have wondered if it might not be a bad idea ... to have the month's retreat with a Sister
of the RJL of the Sacred Heart" ( U t t e r 12th July 1887) To which M. Pilar replied on L5th July:
«... as to going to the Sacred Heart, if you think the Fathers would not mind; all right; but
consider it well».
37
These words appear in later writings (1893), but the personal attitude was present always
in her life.
38
St. Ignatius Loyola, Spiritual Exercises [S3],
waverings, the difficulties of government and the daily weight and burden of so
much work caused that trembling, that human shrinking in the presence of God
who gives infinitely more than He asks, but who sometimes asks for painful
sacrifices. Her state of fear was short-lived:
«... suddenly it seems as if the love of the Sacred Heart of Jesus

enwrapped my body and soul and assured me ... that however great
the struggle I would always be given strength. I saw that for the whole
month I would always find consolation, help and strength in the Heart
of Jesus; then my discouragement changed into great peace and the
assurance that I would not tire, but I would finish with the same
fervour as I had bcgun».
Her physical strength did not help her much in those days. On the fust
day she noted that she had «a great headache*, and some of the Religious
testify that she had several attacks during the retreat. This was not surprising
if we remember that during recent years she had often heard the clock strike
the early hours of the morning while she was still working, as she had said in
a letter to her sister; or as she said on another occasion, sometimes she had not
even time to eat. But her good will overcame all those circumstances, and God
was even more prodigal towards that creature who placed herself
unconditionally in His hands. Boundless gratitude inundated the deepest depths
of her spirit, and that not only for all the benefits received throughout her
laborious life. M. Sacred Heart with a gigantic leap, or rather, raised up in a
marvellous way by grace, found herself at the very heart of humanity, and gave
thanks for everything:
«I felt such great gratitude to God for the dignity He has given to
humanity that I was quite carried away»39.
How insignificant then seemed all the trifles of daily life, her own
limitations and those of others, the great difficulties of governing! ... Yet all
that was there. On the third day of the retreat she wrote:
«... Today I went through a spiritual struggle, a very difficult one

that I have had for some time, in which it seems I can never reach
indifference; and yet, although I did not attain indifference, which I
need so much for the good of my soul, I fought well and suffered
la
Spiritual notes, 10; Retreat 1888, second day.
254 Part three: 1887-1893
better, and received lights and strength for the future®.
Always a realist, she added: «I cannot foresee that this struggle will
finish for some time, and it can be very hard, but I came out encouraged as if
assured that I will not be overcome in it».
She experienced moments of struggle and moments of joy and pcace,
and even in the struggle she did not lose the assurance that she was in the
hands of God who had guided her along all the paths of her life: «... felt Jesus
within me, visiting my soul». A marvellous experience expressed in the simplest
of words which reveal the degree of friendship in which she was held by her
love for her Lord.
On 13th May, half-way through the retreat, it was one year since her
election as General. The Sisters wanted to celebrate that date. Did they realise
that the hardest moments for M. Sacred Heart during her retreat were spent
on the effort to accept that charge? They could not have been completely
aware of that because they did not know the circumstances which made the
situation so difficult.
Fr. Hidalgo, Mother's spiritual director, and who was guiding her
during that Retreat, agreed that the anniversary should be celebrated. And in
the house in Obelisk Parade joy overflowed all hearts and could be seen in
their happy, smiling faces. But for M. Sacred Heart the anniversary brought
back many sharp memories, and the simple joy of the Sisters around her was
a call to turn her sorrow into hope. Some months before, when she was visiting
Cordova, Fr. Hidalgo had urged her to give herself entirely to the Religious
even if she had to «omit some practice of the rule». «Be everything, everything
for that holy community, and for each and everyone of the Sisters; listen to
them as much as they want, and help them with your advice, and above all, with
your example of observance, patience, sweetness and meekness®40.
The 13th May went by, as did the following days. The month of May
was drawing to an end, and with it the end of the retreat. For M. Sacred Heart
it had not been weeks of spiritual repose unconnected with the concrete
circumstances of her life. The presence of Christ had not meant rest for her.
«Jesus within me, visiting my soul». He seemed to say to her: «You have me
here because of your generosity, I am aware of your struggles and I know how
much you are suffering in order to obey me and my representatives®41.
«Looking at Our Lord one gains strength, and so much!» These words
appear in a letter to her sister written later 42 , but they probably express what
40
U t t e r of 24th January 1888-
41
Spiritual notes 10; 3rd day of Retreat.
42
17th June 1903.
happened in those days of contemplation. Her personal election - «election» in

the Ignatian sense; that is, her acceptance, her response to God's grace which
manifests His will with regard to specific moments in life - led her to embrace
with determined generosity the tangible cross of that moment:
«Today, 26th May 1888 at 8.18 p.m., at the foot of your holy cross,
O Jesus our Saviour, I promise from the depths of my heart, in the
presence of your holy Mother and mine, and of St. John and the holy
women, no more to resist, even in thought, your holy will in this
charge, and if I am allowed to make a vow to do this, I shall do so
very willingly. Even more: (I promise) not to refuse the occasions of
honour or of dishonour which may occur in fulfilling this chargc.
I hope to fulfil this with your love and grace, which I am sure will
not fail me. I see very clearly today that this was the principal barrier
which kept back your graces from my soul.
Your humble Handmaid, who kisses with much respect and love
your sacred wounds caused by your obedience. Mary of the Sacred
Hearty43.
This was a «reconciling of oneself with one's own situation* 44 . This

was a concrete example of the radical offering of her life. In that circumstance,
«the greatest work* which she could do for God.
Difficulties of the school in La Coruna
Her return to ordinary life was a return to the occupations and worries
of government. M. Sacred Heart could have applied to herself the advice she
gave to Maria del Carmen Aranda on a similar occasion: «Have a big heart,
because as God gives so much help and strength, when the month's retreat is
over, His demands arc in proportion, and happy are you if you correspond to
God's demands* 45 . The house in Madrid was needing her care: «... I'll not
let today go by without sending you a word, although I have a headache. I have
been unable to write before because I have not stopped a minute since I came
out of retreat with all the disorder I found*, she wrote to M. Pilar 46 telling
her all about the house. She added a post script at the end of the letter: «Trust
43
Spiritual notes, 11.
44 Carlo Martini, Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius in the light of St. John (Rome 1977) p.182,
45
December 1889.
46
Letter of 2nd June 1888.
256 Part three: 1887-1893
me more than anybody so that the devil cannot interfere*. This was a very
significant remark; it revealed her affection for her sister, and the importance
she gave to the union of them both in the life of the Institute; it also affirmed
her desire to work earnestly with renewed vigour to strengthen their sisterly
feelings which were in danger.
M. Pilar was very busy with preparations for the foundation of the
sehool. From the start it could be seen that the demands of the house in La
Coruna were going to be greater than those of the rest of the Institute. There
was need for professional qualifications and complete dedication to the task of
education. M. Pilar wrote to M. Sacred Heart: «... In my opinion those who
are teaching will not do any domestic tasks; they will only keep the rule and
that other duty, if they are to do it well... if they are not eonstant in that duty
and all connected with it, they will not do it well, and this will harm their
teaching and the honour of the Congregation. Many persons arc needed; I want
you to think well about this; if not, it would be better not to begin* 47 .
A great effort was needed to meet all demands; but, as far as was
humanly possible, the General responded: «... I am answering you by return
post. I think some letters have been lost. Do everything you think necessary and
helpful for that foundation, sueh as renting a house, ete. As for the Sisters,
think of those you want, and they will go when you ask for them...* 48 .
She eould not have been more generous, neither could she have
delegated more authority to M. Pilar. But, in spite of everything, it was difficult
to form a community for education because there were very few Religious
sufficiently prepared for teaching. Most of them had to study and prepare all
that they were to teach the pupils a few days later 49 . It is amazing how well
the two foundresses understood this problem, especially as they had never had
anything to do with a school. M. Pilar was involved more directly with the
demands of the apostolic work, but M. Sacred Heart, from a distance and with
still greater disinterestedness, realised that the new work required better
cultural and human preparation for the Religious of the Institute. She wrote:
«Pray that well-educated and worth-while people may enter, because I am
worried as to how few there are in the Novitiate ... I am doing nothing but urge
them to study at least musie and languages*50. But she considered it even
more important to deepen the apostolie meaning of vocation in the Institute,
which certainly was not a new idea for her. She had written the previous year
to a young Religious who was rather worried in her mission as an educator:
47
U t t e r of 18th June 1888.
48
Letter from M. Sacred Heart to M. Pilar, 19th June 1888.
AQ
Letter from M. Pilar to her sister, 2nd August 1888.
CA
Letter from M. Sacred Heart to her sister, 6th June 1888.
«That sadness is from the devi], and is the reason for that dryness and
darkness. Be very much conformed to the will of God and peace and joy will
return to your spirit... When you arc joyful you will like everything, and the
children especially you will see not as illogical little creatures, which indeed
they are, but as ones who are precious, for each soul has cost the blood of
God, and Our Lord accepts anything you do for them as done to Him. Pray
much to the Sacred Heart for them, and take an interest in them as members
of His Body*51.
M. Pilar's interesting, optimistic letters from La Coruna and M. Sacred
Heart's acceptance of the project caused an enthusiastic reaction which affected
even the Novitiate. The Sisters in formation felt the desire to prepare
themselves for teaching. In response to M. General's calls, some of them
began to study French or English and others the piano. M. Maria del Carmen
Aranda wrote to M. Pilar: «Mother, you cannot imagine how enthusiastic the
Novices are about this foundation* 52 . The Society of Jesus was also
encouraging. Fr. Urrdburu's opinion of the foundation was very positive: «...I
cannot but give many thanks to God that you have found such a vast field
there, so well prepared for work for the glory of God in teaching
children... Their good training will be a powerful means of improving
all the families and little by little, the whole town... May God Our Lord give
you the salt of his divine wisdom and the virtue to attain such fruit...* 54 . The
Jesuits in La Coruna were delighted: they considered the foundation
providential («... It will give copious fruits and will be the starting point for the
regeneration of this town*), and they believed it could be an important part of
a wider pastoral plan 55 .
M. Pilar's exertions in those days were enough to wear out anybody -
and even herself, if she had not had such great interest in the foundation. The
choice of La Coruna as the place for the first school of the Institute had been
made with full awareness of the difficulties. It was not a very religious town,
and there was much ignorance in religious matters 56 . «An unbelieving town,
given over to the world* 57 , «without much morality or piety*58. The most
51
Letter to M. Felisa de Jesus, 12th June 1887.
52
53
U t t e r to M. Pilar, 14th April 1888.
54
Letter from Fr. UrnSburu to M. Pilar, 8th July 1888.
55
Letter from Fr. Ignacio Santos to M. Pilar, 2nd August 1888; Letter from Fr. Jos<S
Hernandez to M. Pilar, 22nd September 1889.
56
Letters from M. Pilar to M.S. Heart, 3rd April 1888, and to Ma. del Salvador 5th April.
57 Letter from Fr. Jose Garciarena SJ. to M. Pilar, 15th June 1888.
58
Letter from Fr. Urraburu to M. Pilar, 8th July 1888.
258 Part three: 1887-1893
neglected part of La Coruna was chosen, where there was most need for a
religious house 59 .
The establishment of the community and the opening of the sehool met
with great difficulties, real dangers, but the community was not discouraged.
There were enemies in the town who set up bitter opposition. M. Pilar wrote
to M. Sacred Heart: «So as not to worry you, I have not told you that the
people do not allow us to live by day or night, and especially me», and she
added in her complicated style: «I cannot sleep b peaee, but only in short naps,
often getting up. For three nights our sleep has been disturbed by thieves or
devils, I don't know which; these are not imaginary, but real and alarming* 60 .
Anonymous people threatened to defame them in the press; they caused
trouble in the chapel, and tried to make their life impossible: «... I suppose
someone will tell you than nothing escapes these people; I am afraid that they
will end up by smirchmg our good name, but so far they have not done that;
everything has been prepared to avoid that* 61 .
M. Pilar bterprcted all these events aecordbg to her own cherished
idea as «signs of the glory whieh will be given to God, or of what the devil is
fearing for the future* 62 . She said that the community had not lost its good
humour over this; although the scares at night had affeeted the health of some
of them. No one felt any temptation to give up the work.
Foundation in the centre of Madrid

and conflict with the Bishop
M. Sacred Heart wrote to her sister on 6th July 1888: «I don't know
if I have told you anything about the lovely house we have b Madrid with a big
garden; it is rented and very well kept, and they are making us a beautiful
chapel, 18 metres long, with a door to the street, and finished with plaster if we
wish. It is very near the Jesuits b St. Bernard Street, near St. Dominic's Square
where, as you know, there is no church. It is the house which wc were told was
for sale, but the owners have renovated it and it is beautiful. All the ground
floor is b e b g fitted out as we want it, and there will be the Chapel, the
sacristies, parlours, two lovely elassrooms, a large dinbg room and a good
kitehen, besides a room for the porter, all bdependent and well situated... No
co
Letter from Fr. Jos^ Garciarena to M. Pilar, 15th June 1888; letter from M. Pilar to M.
Sacred Heart, 3rd April 1888.
60
41
Letter from M. Pilar to M.S. Heart, 15th Oct. 1888.
42
Letter to M. Maria del Carmen Aranda, 2nd January 1889.
one knows anything about it yet, because all this has happened almost without
our realizing it. I am not going to spend anything, but will bring everything
from the old Chapel, even the altar... Furniture and utensils have all been put
on one side and are getting spoiled..*
The foundation was in the centre of Madrid. The first idea was for a
house in Barquillo Street, but they had settled on this one in St. Bernard Street,
No. 19. It is not surprising that the Sisters did not have much discussion about
this beforehand, because in her opposition to the plan, M. Pilar had refused to
take any part in looking for a property 63 .
The contract for renting the new house was signed on the day that this
letter was written. M. Sacred Heart wrote to her sister: «I expect much from
Madrid 64 , because the Institute will become known; hardly anyone knows it
so far* 65 . On 17th the General informed the Bishop that she had been
authorized in his absence by the Vicar General to hire a house in Bernard
Street, and she asked the Bishop for permission to make a foundation there.
To Mother's great surprise she received the following reply two days later:
«...As the pastoral visit to the Mother House and Novitiate in the Congregation
of Handmaids of the Sacrcd Heart of Jesus has not been completed there is no
place now for the permission which is requested* 66 .
The Bishop's answer reminded her of past upsets. The year before
when the Bishop was visiting the Religious houses of his diocese he decided to
visit the house in Obelisk Parade. «He visited the Church and sacristy, then the
whole community met him with due ceremony in the hall and, at a word from
him, they went to the community room... and he spoke to us about the object
of the Visitation, which although strictly speaking is not meant for us as it is for
enclosed Religious, yet it is always useful for the Bishop to know about the
religious observance, and if anything needs correcting he could apply a suitable
remedy; so, he said, he would speak to each one of us individually...*67 No
more was said at that first interview. When speaking to the General, the Bishop
mentioned the need for a foundation in the centre, and wondered if the
A letter from M. Purisima informed M. Sacred Heart, who was in Andalusia that «M. Pilar
is not to be counted on for this. If God wants the foundation, as I think He does, it will be made
byyou» 2nd Feb. 1888. «M. Pilar says she cannot say anything on this matter, or give any opinion.
If it has to be, it must be without her... I am going to ask the other houses, but it is you who has
to decide. I think the foundation in Madrid should be made before anything else...» M. Purisima
30th Jan.
64 t'I.
The house in Obelisk Parade was so far from the centre at this time, that it did not seem
to be in Madrid.
65
66
19th July 1888.
61
Diary of the Madrid house, 24th October.
260 Part three: 1887-1893
Institute could accept the suggestion by a person who offered the Religious the
opportunity of r u n n i n g a free school. M. Sacred Heart, and all who heard about
it, thought it was providential.
At that time M. Pilar returned from Bilbao where she had been busy
with negotiations for moving the community to another house. When she
learned that the Bishop's pastoral visit had begun, «she said she wanted to
speak to him privately to see if it could be stopped, because that was not the
custom in our houses as it did not apply to us, and giving him suitable reasons.
Then in the best possible way, as if consulting him, she would ask whether we
really were exempt from these visitations, as we had always understood; in
which case ... well, we trusted him and had always had great filial affection for
him; but as this was not official, but only a fatherly visit, and so that it might
not become a custom etc; but, of course if it did apply to us, there was no more
to be said...*68. But however much M. Pilar tried to speak in the best
possible way, «as if consulting him», the Bishop was offended; and, let it be
said, he was more astute than his questioner, and he understood perfectly well
what she was getting at. «Mother had to appease him as well as she could, and
matters stayed as they were for the time being* 69 .
This was the second time that M. Pilar's behaviour set up a conflict
with this Bishop. Dr. Sancha y Hervis remembered the trouble which the
architect Cubas had had with the Handmaids. It had been a misunderstanding
on his part, but certainly it was imprudent of the Religious to use his plan while
consulting another arcliitect. And although this consultation was made by M.
Sacred Heart, it was M. Pilar who had earnestly pressed for it. Although her
intervention over the Visitation was also imprudent, it was understandable
because she wanted to avoid it, on account of her experience of Bishops
showing concern in matters that were not within their competence.
In any case, the Bishop was hurt, and ten months later he remembered
the incident . M. General replied that she was quite ready to have the
Visitation 71 , and the Bishop appointed D. Joaquin Torres Asensio, a Canon
of Madrid Cathedral. He, (D. Joaquin) went to the house in Obelisk Parade
on 20th and asked for the Constitutions and all the official documents of the
Institute such as the «comments* or remarks made by the Sacred Congregation
72
for the definitive version of the Constitutions .
68
Ibid, 30th October 1887.
69
Ibid, 30th October 1887.
7
" Yeare later the trouble was still remembered ...
71
U t t e r 19th or 20th July 1888.
72
M. Maria del Carmen Aranda, Report on the house - St. Joseph's, sent to Rome in June
1890.
Aware of the importance of this matter, M. Sacred Heart cancelled all

her engagements: «... As this business is going at a snail's pace, I don't think
I can go to the inauguration, even if it is on 6th...» she wrote to M. Maria del
Carmen 73 . She was speaking about the Chapel in Bilbao which they hoped
would be opened to the public on 31st July 1888. «I think it is impossible for
me to go. Things are ugly, very ugly... God grant that the devil may stay here
and leave you in peace for your celebrations and those in La Coruna* 74 .
M.Sacred Heart wrote to her sister about this: «... Our Bishop has done some
plain speaking about the Visitation; he says it must be done. It's a long tale,
and I have no time now. Enough to say he sent the Canon to inform me; he
was going to send the official letter the following day, but it is six o'clock and
no one has come.... I told the Canon he could come whenever he likes, and he
would see everything, even the accounts, because he asked for that. ... Don't
worry, I hope everything will be over by the feast of St. Ignatius. I'll keep in
touch„.» This was written on 29th July. Two days later she said to M. Maria
del Carmen Aranda: «Things here are just the same, but we are using all the
prudent means Our Lord inspires to bring about a change if this is right. I am
very peaceful because no one is at fault, and this gives me great trust in Our
Lord. In some other matters, there are some dark points, which arc
discouraging and frightening, but through no one's fault; but in this matter
everything has been done correctly, and there is not the slightest shadow to
upset us». The feast of St. Ignatius arrived and the business was still not
settled.
When M. Pilar learned of the situation she took it quite peacefully. She
wrote to M. Sacrcd Heart towards the end of July. «My advice on this is, take
refuge in silence as in a strong storm; the shower will pass, and all will be calm
again... 1 think you should not go against the Bishop any more at present, but
accept it all meekly, and he will be appeased*. She was rather more upset by
the fact that the account of her interview with the Bishop was somewhat twisted
in the palace: «I did not beg the Bishop on my knees; that is not true; neither
did I deny that the Visitation should be made; I only pointed out to him what
had been told us in Rome, and the harm that could come to us through this...»
Finally, the Bishop sent the Canon who made the Visitation of the
house in Obelisk Parade from 14th to 19th August 1888, «and he gave a very
favourable report* 75 . In a letter to M. Pilar, M. Purisima said that according
to the Jesuit Provincial, the Bishop had acted within his rights and had
73
74 Letter from M. Sacred Heart to M. Maria del Carmen Aranda, 28th July 1888
75 M, Maria del Carmen Aranda, Report on St. Joseph's p.7.
262 Part three: 1887-1893
previously visited the Religious of the Sacred Heart 76 . So, matters were not
quite clear at that time 77 . M. Pilar reproached the General and the
Assistants in Madrid for submitting to the Bishop: «... Instead of asking Father
how to behave in the Visitation I would have tried to find out how far 1 could
be exempted from it... I told you how the Society acts in these cases, and I
would do the same even though it cost me my life; 1 would not put up
resistance, but neither would I accept, still less sign a document, even though
my hand was cut off... for men come and go, but the burden remains* 78 . The
criticism does not fit in well with the previous letter in whieh she advised the
Sisters in Madrid to submit by offering themselves «as meat for the knife». In
any case, it was not important because Fr. Urrdburu - an oracle for them all
and especially for M. Pilar - advised great prudence in the matter: «About the
Bishop's Visitation, I think the best thing for you is to inform M. General of
what you told me Cardinal Massotti said to you, and if necessary, apply to
Rome to make the case clear, and better still if you can obtain something
written from there* 79 .
As the Bishop no longer had any objections against the foundation, M.
Sacred Heart again sent in a petition asking for the desired favour. Dr.Saneha
was away from the diocese at that time - the beginning of September. So the
request had to be addressed to the Vicar General, Fr. Fernandez Montana:
«Having received the petition we commission Dr. D. Joaquin Torres Asensio...
to visit the place and to report his opinion, then to return the petition to us so
that we may proceed* 80 .
Fr. Torres Asensio sent in his report on 15th September: «In fulfilment
of the commission given mc, yesterday afternoon I visited the house at 19 St.
Bernard Street in this city, which has been renovated at great cost for a
community of Handmaids of the Sacred Heart of Jesus, and which now has
only the Chapel to be completed. There are many good rooms, a comfortable
patio and a good garden. There is a plenty of water, light and air, and it is
perfectly adapted for the needs of the community...* The Canon noted that the
Superiors had accepted «at once* any small comment which he, as
commissioned by the Bishop, had made. Experience was making them careful!
He ended by saying that «there were sufficient, suitable rooms for twenty
16
77
The difficulties with the Bishop of Madrid, just like those with Fray Ceferino are typical
of events in the new religious Institutes in 19th century, all of which generally depended directly
on the Holy See.
78
Letter to M. Sacred Heart, 11th August 1888.
79
Letter from Fr. Urr^buru to M. Pilar, 31st August 1888.
84 The official document is dated 14th September 1888.
Sisters as well as for twenty ladies for making Retreats, and classrooms well
prepared for teaching young day pupils, which is one of the ends of the pious
Institute*. Hence he considered the place «very suitable for the proposed
foundation*.
There were still some negotiations needed between the diocese and the
Institute before 19th September when the Vicar General granted permission in
writing for the foundation. On 8th October the first Sisters for the new house
arrived «which they began to call St. Joseph's because of the saint's special
protection of that foundation, and for the love and trust we have in his
protection* 81 . The room destined to be the public chapel was still unfinished,
so the Sisters arranged the private oratory as well as they could so as to have
the Blessed Sacrament reserved and to be able to celebrate Mass at home.
M. San Javier, one of the Assistants General, wrote to M. Pilar: «We
have a lovely, quiet oratory, although it seems impossible on account of the
noise in the street; but as the windows are closed, it sounds far off, and it even
helps recollection. Fr. Garz6n says Mass for us every day, and when the chapel
is opened he'll have his confessional there... May God bless all this, and may
everything be for His glory...*82. Permission for celebrating Mass in the
oratory was received on 15th, but the Bishop's decree was dated 13th. M.Maria
del Carmen Aranda also spoke to the Superior of La Coruna about the
inauguration of the house and oratory. After giving some details about the
liturgy she quoted the words of Fr. Muruzabal, the celebrant: «In doing things
for God we have only to start out, and then wait upon Him. We have hold of
the purse of Providence which is inexhaustable; everything that is done for
God's glory costs labour, but in the end it gets done* . It is not difficult to
imagine the effect of these words on M. Pilar, quite the opposite to M. Maria
del Carmen's intention.
Shortly after this, the Vicar General blessed the chapel, ready now for
the public on 2nd December. He found it, he said, in conformity with the
rubrics.
M. Sacred Heart then had the joy of seeing the house begin its real
life, that life of which she had dreamed since she first made her plans. The
Eucharist was the true centre of this community, perhaps more than in any
other; it was the force behind every action, the light which shone in every
direction along the daily paths of the religious.
But that beautiful dream was to be very short-lived! Yet before
R1
M. Maria del Carmen Aranda, Account p,19, M. Sacred Heart used almost identical words
in the annual circular letter of 28th December 1888.
82
Letter from M. Ma. de San Javier to M. Pilar, 18th October 1888.
83
264 Part three: 1887-1893
awakening, in the midst of the joy of that new house, M. Sacred Heart had to
bear other painful experiences and to live through very great joys.
M. Pilar delays her profession
The summer of 1888 went by with all the complications which had
hindered M. Sacred Heart from thinking of the ceremony of perpetual vows.
Of course, she did not imagine for a moment that she was going to be obliged
to face this event apart from M. Pilar. The latter was in La Coruna, very busy
at this time with preparations for the school's Erst term, M. Sacred Heart
realized this, and she wrote to her in mid September: «I would like you to
make your profession on the feast of Pilar or of St. Teresa, even though you
have the month's retreat later, because that is impossible now®84. M.Pilar
answered by return post: «About the profession, there is no peace to do
anything here, and I would not like to do it in a place where the Fathers still
seem to be unsettled* 85 . This seems to be just a poor excuse. Then the
whole month of September went by with pretexts and excuses.
At the beginning of October M. Sacred Heart wrote a brief letter
which required a clear answer: «I spoke to Fr. Provincial yesterday about the
professions, because unless something is done, nothing will happen, and people
will wonder why. He told me that we should begin as soon as possible. I told
him that it is difficult for you to come, and everyone wants you to be here
before they make the profession, and he answered that a reliable Mother
should go there for one month and you should come... Give me an answer, and
don't keep quiet any longer, for this cannot be put off. I think the enemy does
not want the professions, and we ought to sacrificc ourselves a bit so that he
does not get his own way... Nine are making the month's retreat. I embrace you
and I hope you will not be worried about leaving that house. Your sister, Mary
of the S.H, of Jesus* 86 .
M. Pilar had written to M. Sacred Heart a few days before. Besides
aserting that her departure from La Coruna then «would bring tumbling down
all the business which was so promising*, she asked for two Sisters to be sent
to open the free school.
The General had considered that the community would have sufficient
work with the fee-paying school. But she accepted M. Pilar's idea, and now in
the letter asking for a clear answer about the profession, she promised to send
Letter, 13-15th September 1888.

flc
0:3
Letter of 17 September 1888.
86
Letter of 2nd Octobcr 1888.
the two Sisters. All this reveals her great desire to establish peace; and
something more, her unmentioned fear that M. Pilar might give a negative
answer to that serious sacred matter.
With this in mind we can understand the painful impression received
by M. Sacred Heart two days letter. M. Pilar wrote to her on 4th October:
«I am very reluctant to make the profession, and this is the real

reason for my avoiding the question; I did not want to give this
message to you and the others, but I have been quietly making
excuses. My idea is to work in the Congregation as much as I can, and
to die in it while there is peace, and chiefly not to cause disturbance
myself; for if that happened, I don't know what I would do.
This resolution of mine can easily be kept hidden, and I'll be the
first to do that as I have been doing already in this and other things;
for now there is a good reason for not leaving this house... I beg you
and the other Assistants not to torment me either with entreaties or
by not letting me act reasonably. I do not intend to change unless God
gives a new turn to my conscience, and you know that I do not easily
go back once I have made up my mind. And don't you keep going over
this again and again. I can see it all, and I think it is ordered by the
most holy and loving providence of God Our Lord. So, the best thing
is for each one of us to accept our own part of the cross.
I cannot write more because the architect has been here with his
accounts, and that is another worrying weight on my heart, but the
heaviest of all is the effort I am having to make to write this...»
It is not surprising that the letter caused M. Sacred Heart deep sorrow.
Nevertheless it was written in measured terms; its relative brevity - seeing
it was a letter from M. Pilar - indicated that on this occasion the Superior of
La Coruna had considered all things well before writing. And, she was suffering
deeply.
A series of letters written during the years from 1887 give the previous
history of the problem. At the beginning of February, while she was still in
Rome with M. Purisima, M. Pilar had written to her sister suggesting a rather
unusual plan: «For a long time I wanted to make my profession in St. Ignatius'
rooms, but I left that idea behind, and even forgot it. But it has come back to
me with even more strength, and I want at least to suggest it. It seems to me
that not only would it give my soul the strength needed for the struggles I have
to face, but it would be a benefit for the whole Congregation, given to all of us
(for now I want Purisima to have that favour also), from the very place in
which the holy Father wrote the Rule and died, the great spirit contained in it,
and which I desire for our Institute more than anything, although I am far from
266 Part three: 1887-1893
giving the example 87 . M. Pilar had enough good sense to realise that her idea
was very unusual, with almost insuperable difficulties, above all because it
would mean that she went over the head of her sister in the most important act
of their religious life. M.Sacred Heart's reply to this suggestion has not been
preserved, in spite of the fact that M. Pilar repeated the idea on two more
occasions. Neither is there any record that she was upset by any refusal on the
part of the Superior.
On her return to Spain she lived through the events of the election in
a very disturbed state which she was hardly able to conceal. She must have
written in July to Fr. Urriburu telling him of her reluctance to make profession
of perpetual vows because of her great difficulty in collaborating in her sister's
government. The Jesuit did not keep most of M. Pilar's letters, but she kept
almost all of his; thus we may obtain an idea of their contents. It seems that M.
Pilar never expressed an idea of any temptation to leave the Institute - as was
affirmed later by M. Purisima - only some rebellion against the situation of the
government which depressed her and made her dislike the idea of profession.
This, in itself, was a rather serious spiritual attitude, but it was still far removed
from that mentioned by M. Purisima.
Fr. Urraburu's letter in reply to M. Pilar said: «... With regard to the
profession, I think that you have the vocation from God for the situation in
which you are now, and I cannot but imagine that all the reluctance and
interior struggles of your soul are temptations through which the devil would
like to send your ardent, fiery heart into the abyss. Believe me, it will never be
satisfied except with God alone, and with fulfilling His will in order to please
Him more and to be consumed on the altar of love... tell me: would you be
ready to leave Religious life at this moment? I do not think so; you would be
horrified at the idea. So, as you are firm in your vocation, why do you hesitate
to make the profession? do you think God will fail you? Or that your will will
be weaker the closer it is bound voluntarily by the love which nailed Him to the
cross for us? Courage, then* 88 .
Later letters from Fr. Urraburu exhorted her to give her opinion
humbly after reflection, and to pray about government business, to go against
her own will and to submit her own judgement when decisions were not to her
liking. In general the spiritual director merely advised her in the Ignatian
meaning of obedience, and his advice revealed M. Pilar's reactions to the
course of events.
The matter of the profession appears again in Fr. Urraburu's letters
87
Letter of 2nd February 1887.
88 Letter of 17th July 1887. Fr. Uriiburu never thought that M. Pilar had any idea of leaving
the Institute; it is impossible to think she would not have told him of such a temptation.
in September 1888. «... About the retreat and profession, you know what I
think. And it seems to me that if you are ready to make the profession in
Rome, or in Loyola or in Manresa, you should not mind doing it in Madrid, if
that is what the Superior wants. 1 consider this the more perfect, but it is not
for me to tell you to do it. May God preserve me!* After this clear
statement of his spiritual direction, M. Pilar received a letter from M. General
urging her to make a decision once and for all about the time for profession.
M. Pilar answered that letter stating her «invincible reluctance*. Naturally she
had informed Fr. Urr^buru before this of her struggles, because her conscience
troubled her for adopting that attitude. He replied on 4th October with a brief,
almost sharp answer: «... Today I am going to write only about the matter
which is worrying you. If you want to put off the profession so as to be free
from certain works and the consequent difficulties, I think you could suggest to
your Superior that you should not make it just now, especially as you are needed
so much there on account of the circumstances in that town, and it is so
dangerous for you all... Don't tell me that I am avoiding the question, because
1 speak very clearly; only I am not Andalusian, like you, and I have not so
much eloquence...* . M. Pilar's second letter to her sister follows the same
lines in general".
«As 1 find it difficult to speak about some things on my conscience,

you caught me unawares the other day, and I answered so decisively
because I was upset. But I have now spoken and I have an opinion
about my reluctance to make the profession; I want to follow what I
am told by the one I hold in the place of God, and I hope that Our
Lord will give me the grace to fulfil it. This is what I say, and I am
resolved - I want to put off my profession for a time until I get over
a difficulty. And I ask you, please, do not refuse me, and do not
torment me by delaying yours; there is good reason to excuse my
absence because 1 think I should not leave this house in such terrible
circumstances, not in a material way, rather, in prosperity, but because
hell is let loose against it*91.
M. Pilar's refusal affected M. Sacred Heart very much. She did not
answer her at once as on other occasions. But after the second letter she wrote
to M. Pilar on 8th or 9th October. She said that the impression had affected
her even physically: «... Your last two letters disturbed me so much, it will be
Gfl
Letter written from Carridn de los Condes, 28th September 1888.
94
91
There is no emphasis in the original.
268 Part three: 1887-1893
a miracle if I do not get ill».

No doubt M. Pilar also felt that reaction, and the days of silence which
preceded it made her realize the significance of her attitude. «I have had no
letter from there, and I feci it deeply... Write to me, I am still the same, and
I'll continue to be so until I die; I trust in God* 92 .
Poor M. Pilar! In a certain sense she was the same until death, but
not quite the same. She still had a long time to live, and throughout all her life
she was tripping and falling, but she always rose up and went on; in the end she
would attain a rare degree of humility.
This time the Assistants as well urged her to accept the General's
suggestion about her profession 93 . «My decision is made before God (as far
as I could)... regarding not to make the profession. So He alone could make me
changc now... I am not saying any more about it, because I hate doing so. So
I ask you to let M. Purisima know how I feel, as my reply to her last letter. I
beg you all not to say any more to me about it, for I have resolved not to
continue to read the letters if I see the mention of this matter* 94 .
It was essential to arrange matters so that M. General and nine of the
most senior Sisters could make their profession, leaving out M. Pilar. The
excuse given to the Institute - the difficulties in the house of La Coruna - was
not very convincing, but all the religious esteemed the foundresses so highly
that they accepted this explanation as they would have acccpted any other. They
were very sorry not to see the two Mothers together on that great day, but their
thought did not go further than that.
But the circumstances in La Coruna were rather special; anyone would
be greatly impressed on hearing of what was happening. In some unknown
seetion of the town a strange persecution, truly active opposition, had broken
out against the Handmaids. The people had welcomed them with enthusiasm,
and they continued to visit the house, especially the Chapel, but some
mysterious persons had made a habit of getting into the rooms of the
community at night. The reports of these nocturnal visits give no idea of the
intentions of the visitors. They never stole anything; but the Sisters saw them
many times and heard them making a noise at the doors, m i m i n g through the
patio, and other strange things; their activities can only be described thus,
because they never had any concrete effect. One of the Sisters in La Coruna
wrote to M. Sacred Heart: «When I wrote to you the other day I thought of
telling you what is happening here, but M. Pilar told me not to say anything
because, as we are so far away, she did not want to give this news. But I have
" Letter to M. Sacred Heart 10th October 1888.

93 Letters from M. Purisima and from M. San Javier, 16th October 1888.
94
Letter from M. Pilar to M. San Javier, 22nd October 1888.
been speaking to her today ... and I told her that I wanted to let you know what
is happening to us here, because we cannot hide the racket in this house, for
there is no peace by day or by night. For the last two or three nights neither
Mother nor I have been to bed in case the men catch us, for we don't know
what they will try to do with us; it cannot be anything good» 95 . There were
various interpretations of those nocturnal visits. Generally the Masons of the
town were blamed for the boycott, seeing that the opposition occurred not only
in the house at night, but also in the Chapel in full daylight: «We are not free
from spies even in the Chapel; for several days a person has been there who
seemed to be a gentleman... but he has questioned the porter twice, and I don't
think he is up to any good; in fact, after he had spoken to the porter the other
day, the porter came to me and said: 1 Don't open the door to anyone if I am
not here...' and he told me what had happened. Then I told M. Filar, and wc
have taken precautions* 96 . Most of the community had some tale to tell
about that strange war waged against the school. Some weird things happened:
doors opening quietly, lights, voices, shouting during the night, etc., which all
seemed aimed at frightening the Sisters. And it was not only the Sisters'
imagination, for there were other witnesses - the porter, the local night
watchman and the neighbours. M.Pilar, who always considered herself brave
made the following comment: «Every possible precaution, locks, keys, etc., but
all in vain... but fortunately not a hair of our head has been touched, and there
is not much fear, still less any cowards*97. Among the members of the
community there were some «brave ones* and some «cowards» even though
they put up with the nightmare with patience. M.Pilar told an amusing story in
a letter to M. Sacred Heart: «Last night they were going to adoration, and
although I had said that those who are afraid must not get up, Carlota, who is
very nervous and completely terrified, does get up, although she goes back to
bed at once. Last night it happened again. She was at the door of her room and
it stuck, like all those on that floor, and it made an awful noise, and Fernanda
told me about it when she called me. We spoke to the porter who sleeps in a
little kitchen in the patio, which is where the trouble is now. He got up, took
the revolver which we bought for him and fired towards the noise in the
passageway. Result: he broke a glass and aroused the neighbours who
wandered around inquiring, coming in and going out; while we, as always,
stayed hidden and silent - for we never make a fuss. The neighbours did not
come here nor called us, but were in their own houses; the work was going on
on the first floor and everything suspicious happens there; even they think so,
95
Letter from M. Visitation to M. General, 5th September 1888
ibid.
97
270 Part three: 1887-1893
and they are more afraid than we are ...w98.

The trouble-makers were never caught, and it was never known who
they were. «They could not have been thieves, or they must have been silly, for
they risked a robbery where it could be presumed there was nothing worth
taking*, said one of the Jesuits known to M. Pilar 99 . Neither did he think it
likely that the Masons were mixed up in the business: «Generally the Masons
do not torment the Sisters until they have stirred up trouble for the men
Religious. Be sure that until the Fathers are expelled from there, the Masons
will take no notice of you...» This was certainly not a very flattering
consolation, but it was near the truth. According to him there were less Masons
in La Coruna than might have been expected in a coastal town.
Whether the Masons had anything to do with this or not, the business
was more than annoying for the community; the health of some Sisters was
affected. In M. Pilar's words, «the scares gnaw away inside». She affirms that
they all made fun of it and gained strength from their weakness, but «it is
getting too much, and as it happens often, there is not time to recover* 100 .
«I suppose someone will have told you that not even the bell is safe
from these people or from the press; I am afraid that they'll finish by taking
away our good name; although so far that has not happened, and everything is
being done to prevent that in this house* 101 . But the precautions and plans
failed to prevent stealthy entry into the house. One of the Jesuits closest to the
community suggested that the religious should lock themselves well in their
rooms and leave those «miserable men* to «walk up and down the stairs*.
This way of overcoming fear did offer a good dose of ridiculc for those mean
violent people 102 .
If wc keep in mind that the same Sisters who were stoically putting up
with sleepless nights were also working without rest, preparing for the
beginning of the term, we can realise that it would have been very upsetting for
M, Pilar to be away from La Coruna for a whole month. It seems unbelievable
that in the midst of such a serious crisis she was able to encourage the
community and to urge on their activity. At the beginning of the foundation M.
Carlota Spinola wrote to M. General: «Although M. Pilar has never been in a
school she suggests things which I later realize were used in the schools run by
the Sisters of the Sacred Heart* 103 . «Shc wants mc to tell you that she
98
(it)
" Letter from Fr. Ignacio Santos to M. Pilar, 9th October 1888.
100
191
Letter from M. Pilar to M. Sacred I least, 15th October 1888.
102
Letter from Fr. Felix Giiell to M. Pilar, 8th October 1888.
103
would like me to be Prefect of the boarding school, and H. Berehmans Prefect

of Studies. That is, that I should be in charge, and even of the studies, and she,
Berehmans, would see that everything connected with the studies is carried out
properly, and would be in charge of the other teachers*. M. Pilar had no
experience whatever of running a school, but guided by her good sense worked
out a way of organising the centre. She also saw the need for the teachers to
be suitably trained. She made use of the better prepared religious and
respected their ideas. With them she drew up a prospectus for publication 104
which was sent to the families of La Coruna in 1888. «Thc Congregation of
Handmaids of the Sacred Heart of Jesus aims at giving solid teaching to the
young girls confided to their care, and to educate them with all solicitude and
to provide them with all that corresponds to well brought up, virtuous
persons...* The subjects to be taught were listed in the leaflet: «Religion,
reading, writing, grammar, arithmetic, geography, history, literature, French
language, and basic home economics. Importance is given to knowledge of
religious duties which arc so necessary for a virtuous life*. And there were even
some more subjects called «extras»: English, painting and drawing.
Anyone who knew the personnel of the Institute of Handmaids of the
Sacred Heart in 1888 would realise the immense efforts which would be
required to fulfil those promises. Nevertheless, they succeeded. This result was
due equally to M. Pilar's tenacity and that of the Sisters working in the school
with the few pupils they had in the centre. But the school in La Coruna was not
only the fruit of the tenacity of a group of persons. It was something more: it
was one of the achievements which clearly demonstrated the depth of human
formation of the two foundresses. Without that they would not have been able
to create or to carry on a teaching institution, however great their good will and
apostolic interest. Only a real personal training enabled them to understand the
problems of education. We said before that Handmaids did not have a great
tradition in this area; but we must add that they did have some well educated
members from whom it was possible to choose a team of teachers who were
«cultured» in the true sense of the word. And what applies to them, can be
applied with even greater reason to the two foundresses who so decidedly set
about the difficult enterprise of opening a school in the midst of every kind of
difficulty.
In order to assess justly the teaching given by the Handmaids at that
time as well as their possibilities as educators we need to be aware of the poor
level of culture not only in La Coruna, but in the whole country, and especially
the backwardness of women's culture. The state was not much concerned with
104 It was called School of the Religious Handmaids of the Sacred Heart of Jesus for young
ladies.
272 Part three: 1887-1893
the education of girls during the last century. The liberal politicians had a
broader outlook than the conservatives on this matter, but did nothing definite
to forward the promotion of women. In 1868 Fernando de Castro, in his
position as rector of the University of Madrid, seized the opportunity to make
some advance in women's education. He founded the Artistic and Literary
Atheneum for Ladies, an institution in which conferences were given and a style
of teaching was developed similar to that in courses given today. But even in
the Atheneum', so progressive for its time, the subjects offered did not go
beyond Music, Drawing and Languages. The School for Teachers was founded
one year later as a response to that same concern of Don Fernando de Castro.
But most important of all was the Association for the Education of Women,
created in 1871 in order to «give young women the basic notions of intellectual,
moral and social culture... and to prepare those who are going to be devoted
to teaching and education* 105 . All these institutes, inspired by the secular
spirit which later imbued the so-called Free Teaching Institute, generally
surpassed those of the religious in ambition and in a vision of the future. (If
only all those isolated efforts within the Church had been coordinated!) But the
cultural level was no higher than that of the best foundations of religious and
of the Spanish church in general 106 .
«At all costs*
M. General's perpetual profession was arranged for 4th November, and

M. Maria del Carmen informed M. Pilar of this on 13th October. She said they
had wanted it to be on the feast of All Saints, but that date was not possible
for the Bishop, as he intended to preside at the ceremony. He had said this in
a letter to M. Maria del Carmen: «I am pleased to answer your esteemed letter
of 28th. I will be able to give the profession to R.M. Superior on 4th November
at 10.30 a.m. The chaplain or any other priest may offer the sung Mass, for I
want the cercmony to be solemn, and I will officiate at the rite of
profession 107 . The General Secretary, added for her own part, that they
intended to have a great celebration in Madrid. «We intend to go all out. I
think that those who made the retreat will make the profession with M.
105
V. CACI IO VTU, La InsOtucidn Libre de Ensehama (E<1. Rialp, Madrid 1962) p.277.
106
A serious study of the state of education in Spain in mid 19th Century has yet to be made.
It would be interesting to judge the contribution made by the Church, and in particular by
religious institutes to the raising of standards. Perhaps the work of the large number of women's
congregations has not been rightly assessed.
1D7
Letter from Dr. Sancha y Hervas to M.Ma. del Carmen Aranda, 31st October 1888.
General, even Paz, if she is allowed*. A few days later M. Carmen wrote to M.
Pilar about the ceremony: «The feast was celebrated very solemnly. It finished
at one o'clock. The Bishop with mitre and crozier presided and Fr. Mateo de
la Prida sang the Mass, with Frs. Morote, Hidalgo, Garz6n and a French priest
(Jesuit who came with him) as Assistants. Fr. Provincial has been most kind
and attentive. You will know that those who made the profession were: MM.
Maria de la Purisima, Maria de la Cruz, and Martires and Maria de Jesus,
Preciosa (Sangre), Paz, Maria del Rosario, Anunciaci6n, San Camilo (who
changed her name to Natividad). The Bishop gave a long homily... He was very
fatherly* 108 .
When M. Maria del Carmen wrote the history of the Institute, some
years later, she gave some more details: «The Bishop was in the sanctuary and
he let M. General go up the steps and kneel before him; the others were along
the communion rail. As they were kneeling he gave the homily, and then the
first professed members of the Congregation bound themselves by perpetual
vows according to our Constitutions. All of them, except the two Assistants,
MM. Purisima and Maria de la Cruz and Maria de la Natividad, belonged to
the first group of foundresses* 109 . For various reasons they could not make
the profession in strict order of seniority.
M. Pilar's absence was felt, and it cast a shadow of sadness on the
feast. Everyone remembered her. Some missed her with innocent sorrow at not
having her there to share with M. General the place of honour which she held
in all their hearts. Others, who knew better, aware of the true reasons for that
absence, were especially sorry for the grief of M. Sacred Heart, «M. Pilar's
refusal was a very deep sorrow for M. General* 110 .
M, Pilar's feelings as the feast drew near are described in a letter
which she wrote to her sister: «1 am very pleased about your profession, and
especially that of Purisima and Maria de la Cruz, and of course of the others
as well, and I have tried to celebrate it it very much, and have encouraged
everyone here, although there was no need for that. I am sorry that as it was
a working day in this house they could only just about fulfil all that had to be
done in the day. I'll say no more about my happiness, because perhaps it will
be better to be silent* .
«Perhaps it will be better to be silent...* It seems that those who were
aware of the situation agreed tacitly to avoid mentioning it. When M. Maria del
Carmen Aranda wrote about the feast to M. Pilar, she said very discreetly: «I
108
AWO
letter written early in November 1B88 (no doubt after 4th).
104
MARIA DEL CARMEN ARANDA, History ofM. Sacred Heart, 4th November 1888.
110
Ibid. p. 49.
111
Letter to M. Sacred Heart, 4th November 1888.
274 Part three: 1887-1893
do not know, Mother, if we made enough fuss of our M. General and the other
Mothers and Sisters. But I do know that I would have made every effort to
avoid the slightest thing which would afflict Mother, I don't know what I
did...» 112 .
«I was grateful to all the Sisters for their letters, and I repaid them by
praying hard for them*, said M. Sacred Heart to M. Pilar some days after the
ceremony. She also chose to be silent. On one occasion she wrote to Maria del
Amparo: «Only in the next life will there be anything perfect*. In that short
sentence she summed up all her wisdom regarding the happiness to be enjoyed
in this world. The celebration of her perpetual vows could not be exempt from
this natural law: all human happiness has a slight touch of sorrow. On that
great day the Bishop had asked the question from the ritual: «Do you desire
at that price the alliance with the Divine Master?* Her firm answer: «I want
it at all costs*, summed up her whole existence in one moment, all the paths
of her life, filled with difficulties as well as with joys. In one concise glance she
saw «with the eyes of the heart* (cf. Eph. 1,18) the gratuitousness of the gift,
God's love and his favour towards her, «I love God's will so much, or I want
so to love it, that if I were given the choice between all the ways for all
creatures 1 would not hesitate for one moment to enter upon mine, with my
eyes closed, and which I follow with all my heart...* 113 ,
«I want it at all costs*. Certainly she wanted it, and she was not about
to proclaim her decision only by her tone of voice - which was both humble and
strong, but she was going to prove it day by day throughout the years of her
life. At any price, «at all costs*, she would continue to travel along the path
God marked out for her «in spite of the thorns which arc small indeed for the
expiation of my faults and as a help to climb the slope which leads to heaven
for ever, without end, without end, without end to be with God* 114 .
«The perfect thing*, perfect happiness, «to be with God, without end,
without end, without end*.
Letter beginning Nov, 1888-

113
Letter from M. Sacred Heart to M. Ma. del Carmen Aranda, 15th August 1893.
114
Ibid.
Chapter II
«... LET US ALL CONTINUE UNITED AS ONE,

SUPPORTING ONE ANOTHER*
Visiting the houses
At the end of January 1889 M. Sacred Heart set out again on her
journeys to visit the houses. This time she went to Andalusia bccause she
wanted to see for herself the apostolic work of the Sisters. In Cordova they
were hampered by the inadequate site. Yet they had managed to set up a small
retreat house. But it is rather too much to call it a 'house'; in fact there was
not even enough furniture to set aside for the retreatants. Each time they came
the Religious gave up their own beds and mattresses, but the Retreatants had
no idea of the sacrifices made to take care of them. The Bishop marvelled how
well they had succeeded in adapting the place to the needs of the work, but he
was worried about the great diseomfort caused to the Sisters. Nevertheless, they
were delighted.
In Jerez they had begun to have organised retreats the previous year;
and here too the days of retreat for ladies meant the banishment of the
community to the most unlikely corners of the house. «It was great to see how
fervently the Sisters left the best of everything so that the rooms would be well
fitted out while they themselves slept on the floor...*1.
Although M. Sacred Heart sometimes had to restrain their enthusiasm,
yet she was greatly pleased at seeing the apostolic zeal of the communities in
Andalusia. She was back in Madrid on 20th February. Some details of her visit
arc given in letters written to M. Pilar. «I camc baek from Andalusia today with
two postulants... The Rector of Puerto is very good to the house in Jerez... he
was there a few days ago. That house is much esteemed and has good friends,
and the people who go for retreats are edified. The Sisters all look well... The
schools arc full, quite full. The same in Cordova, except for the health of the
Sisters* .
As she thought of the good progress in Andalusia - good, in view of
then simple aims - M. General considered the situation in Saragossa to be
insupportable: «Something must be done for the house b Saragossa* she wrote
to M. Pilar «it is the most negleeted one in the Congregation, and I don't think
that is right. Four or five thousand duros have been spent b La Coruna which
1
Diary of the House of Jerez de ta Frontera p.13-14.
2
Letters from M. Sacred Heart to M. Pilar, 20th and 27 February 1889.
276 Part three: 1887-1893
I do not regret; but the other house is older, and what sacrifices have been
made for it? I think that at least the same amount should be spent on it to
make it look a little less miserable®3.
The house dedicated to St. Joseph in St. Bernard Street was producing
abundant fruit. However an interminable series of troubles had begun which
would bring ruin to the foundation.
In Madrid they also suffered from the persecution of some groups,
although it was less rampant than that caused in La Coruna. This situation was
possible throughout Spab at the time, because of the prevalence of anti-clerical
ideas which at times led to violence. For example it should be remembered that
Bishop Martbez Izquierdo was assassbatcd one day b 1886 as he entered his
Cathedral for the solemn liturgy of Palm Sunday. All kinds of strange stories
about life b convents circulated among ill-instructed or badly mtentioned
people. The release of the play Electro by P6rez Galdos 4 had a prelude b an
event which M. Sacred Heart related to her sister: «Because Pilar's family did
not succeed b getting her out of the convent, they took their vengeance when
she took the habit by speading scandal b the newspapers 5 . Recently these
newspapers have said that the porter b the house (of Madrid) nearly beat a
child to death because he went b t o the Chapel» 6 .
The difficulties in the house of St, Joseph were bound up with the very
foundation. Even the preparatory negotiations had been tinged with memories
of the differences between the Bishop and the novitiate house b Obelisk
Parade. But M. Sacred Heart placed such hopes in that work that any trial
seemed insignificant to her, compared with the joy of opening a new Chapel b
the centre of Madrid. It was just that Chapel which was to be the causc of the
frustration of all her hopes.
On 6th of the previous December a decree arrived from the Bishop's
Secretary granting permission for the celebration of Mass b the private oratory.
The decree referred to the recently blessed Chapel. When Mother saw that the
Chapel was considered a private oratory she was afraid that the people would
not be able to receive the sacramcnts of confession or Communion. She made
enquiries among persons who could enlighten her, one of whom was the Vicar
General of the diocese, Fernandez Montana. The Bishop was absent b January
1889 when Fr. Fernandez Montano informed the General that the Chapel could
3
The play Etectra, released in 1901, mentioned Adela Ubao, a young girl who entered the
novitiate of the Handmaids in Madrid.
® The novice was of age, and at liberty to decide her own way of life.
6
U t t e r Of 27th February 1889.
C.2. Union and tolerance 211
be used for the graces and privileges enjoyed by oratories belonging to other
Religious congregations.
M. Sacred Heart and the community breathed freely for the time
being. As soon as the Chapel was inaugurated the Blessed Sacrament had been
exposed the whole day, and there was a continual stream of visitors. Even
before that Chapel was opened - the one they thought was public - the private
oratory had been a real centre of prayer. Neither the small number of
Religious, not the apostolic work, nor the difficulties undergone by the house
had lessened the fervour for adoration, which was spread among all the people
who came in contact with the community.
In March, just on the eve of the feast of St. Joseph, the patron of the
house, the Bishop sent a decree to M. Sacred Heart which left her frozen.
After some comments on the conditions of the permission granted some
months before, and the situation of the site of the Chapel, the Bishop gave his
decision: «For the time being we repeal, and we repeal completely the whole
decree which the Vicar General of this diocese issued on 17th January, which
reads as follow...» Here he quoted all the points of Fr. Fernandez Montana's
decision about the Chapel in which he had considered that the faithful could
receive the sacraments.
The day after the document was received, M. Maria del Carmen
Aranda, Superior of the house, and General Secretary, recounts: «thc Chapel
door was closed, and all public acts ceased; the Blessed Sacramcnt was still
exposed, but was visited and adored only by our own Sisters»7. M. Sacred
Heart thought she should visit the Bishop to let him see that she submitted to
his orders. M. Maria del Carmen continued her account: «She found him rather
annoyed, but finally when Mother asked him to clarify his ideas about the
worship in this Chapel, whether it should be completely private, or not, lie
answered that people could enter the Chapel to visit the Blessed Sacramcnt by
using the door through the entrance to the house; that the door leading dircctly
to the street should be closed, and the sacraments of confession and
Communion should not be administered. This was followed, and although that
door was hidden, many people went through it to visit our Lord. But it was very
hard to send the poor children alone to confession and Communion, or trust
their mothers who quite easily did not fulfil the precepts* 8 .
This last point was the one which most concerned M. General. The
school was inaugurated on 7th January with forty pupils, and the number
increased in the following months. The work of education was centred above
all on their religious formation. In this field there was almost complete
7
An account of St. Joseph's house.
8
Ibid.
278 Part three: 1887-1893
ignorance, and the school had become a real catechetical centre. The apostolic
work was closely united to the worship celebrated in the Chapel.
In spite of being situated in the very centre of the city, the school in
St. Bernard Street was filled at once with very poor children from the lowest
social classes, and it is difficult for us today to imagine the harsh conditions of
their life. These poor people were also anti-clerical. This was their natural
reaction because the society which ignored them included the Church. Likewise
they were very grateful for any sign of interest. «Most of the children who
come to the school do not know Christian doctrine, none have been to
confession, and they have no idea about religion. It is a pity to see girls of
thirteen or fourteen years who can read quite well, but who know nothing of
religion ... The teachers marvel how they can learn so much evil. They realise
this mainly when they arc examining their conscience before going to
confession. One day a girl said that her uncle, or some other member of the
family, had told her that when she kissed the priest's hand she should spit on
it; and many other things impossible to repeat* 9 .
This was a true field for evangelization and catechesis for the
Handmaids. Was it not natural that M. Sacred Heart was so eager to proclaim
Jesus Christ in that neglected area, and to have Him adored by these simple
people? During the few months that the Chapel was available for public
worship it was not only the school children who received the sacraments there,
but also some of their adult relations. «On 3rd February twelve girls made their
first confession...* «On 18th March a girl of fifteen made her first confession
and Communion, together with her mother who had not received the
sacraments for a long time ...»10
All this activity became very difficult after the Bishop's decision.
Nevertheless, in the hope of a solution for the trouble - which they took to be
a passing misunderstanding - they continued to work with enthusiasm, and the
Sisters sought help from the ladies who took the girls to nearby churches to
receive the sacraments. (We must always keep in mind that b 1889 it did not
seem edifying, or even normal, for religious to go out frequently).
On 25th April M. Sacred Heart set out once again for Saragossa and
Bilbao. «On 26th we had the pleasure of greeting M. General who came to
settle some busbess* 1 1 . She was trying to improve the Sisters'
accommodation; they had moved to a house b Teruel Street the previous year.
There was hardly room for the Religious in the house, and still less for the
children b the classes. Although they had hopes to build a simple edifice on
o
Diary of St. Bernard's house.
10
Ibid.
Diary of the House of Saragossa p.80.
211
C.2. Union and tolerance
the adjoining land, they did not for one moment give up the work of education
and catechesis. The Superior of the house had very poor health, but she had
a great heart. The Diary says: «Our dear M. Superior, who has such great zeal
for souls, could not allow us to carry on without the free classes, so, moved by
this zeal, she had the idea of using a wretched shed which was on the grounds.
She was the first to begin this work, and it was pitiful to see how tired she
became, although she encouraged us and filled us with fervour* 12 . And, in
fact, the sehool was opened in October, and continued to function in spite of
more than ordinary difficulties.
The poverty of the community in Saragossa was always imbued with
joy and religious fervour. The Diary comments: «The poverty in this house is
so great that there is often no money in the house until we receive some from
Madrid. But we can always see how divine Providence helps us, and to prove
this I'll tell you the following story*. Here the writer of the Diary tells with
Franciscan simplicity that one day a supply of oil in skins sent from Madrid was
waiting at the station. The porter was asked to pay three duros before he could
take them away - an enormous sum for anyone who had not even one "real" at
that time! So he had to leave the oil at the station awaiting a better moment.
The story ends just like the golden legends of medieval days, with the
appearance of a benefactor who even wanted to avoid any shame for the Sisters
if they had to beg for alms; so he said to the porter: «Leave the Mothers, they
will be busy (they were very busy, looking for money), you look after the skins
and tell them that I will be going along and will pay for them* 13 .
The community was also noted for its love for adoration: «Because we
were very few in the house we had an order from M. General to have
Exposition only on the first night of carnival14. We were sorry about this, but
resigned. The Sacred Heart wanted to console us, and this is how it happened:
that day our Chaplain became ill, and as he could not come, he asked another
priest to take his place. This priest went to the parlour, and M. Assistant
explained to him what he had to do. It seemed that he understood, and he went
to the sacristy, then to the altar. He gave us Benediction, then instead of
reserving the Blessed Sacrament, he turned round and the sacristan told him
to reserve. He took no notice and asked for the steps he needed to place the
Monstrance in its place again; then seeing that no one took any notice, he took
the steps himself and left the Blessed Sacrament exposed, much to our
12
Ibid. p.8.
13
Ibid. p. 82.
14
Usually the Bl. Sacramcnt was exposed during the three nights of carnival, and the
Religious took turns in adoration.
280 Part three: 1887-1893
delight®13.
These details reveal the atmosphere of the community in Saragossa;
and we must admire, not so much their trust in providenee - very ingenuous -
but the quality of their joys and their sorrows, and above all their deep love for
«Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, the ehief object of our union» 16 .
M. General went to this house in Saragossa in April 1889 in order to
moderate their fervour and to Fmd a way to relieve their many privations. M.
Maria de la Cruz went with her.
From Saragossa they went to Bilbao. The Handmaids were already in
the house in the Campo Volantin; they had begun to build a small Church in
the garden the previous year. M. Sacred Heart also had the satisfaction of
seeing the spirit of the Institute come to life in this community, just as she had
described it some years before: «true love for Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament»,
«the concern of the divine Heart for the salvation of souls»17. There were
children in the sehool, girls and ladies in the modest retreat house, and very
many people praying before the Blessed Sacrament in the community Chapel.
Towards the end of May M. Sacred Heart began her journey to La
Coruna. She had a great deal of business to discuss with her sister, not all of
which could be settled by post. At this time they were thinking of the possibility
of a foundation in Havana, mainly at the request of a lady whom they had met
in Coruna, Da. Caridad Gener. The bishop had been informed the previous
year, and he was very happy with the plan: «... I hasten to tell you that your
petition has given me great consolation because that eontinual worship of
reparation is needed here more than anywhere. You will be very welcome; I
will help you as much as I can» 18 . In the spring of 1889, just before M.
Saered Heart set out for Coruna, M. Pilar had some difficulties about the
journey and she made some other suggestions: «We shall speak about the
business in America, soon, God willing. Don't say anything about it, in case we
cannot go, and then they'll say we are not very reliable. I am going (to
Madrid); I would like to go at the beginning of June» 19 . M.Sacrcd Heart
wrote announcing her arrival in La Coruna. But M. Pilar had asked her to go
for the Visitation before the holiday: «If you have to make the Visitation it
would be good if you could do it while the school is open, so that you may see
15
Diary p. 5-6.
16
Cf. M. Sagrado Corazon, Petition to the Holy Father asking to have the Bl. Sacrament reserved
in the chapels of the Institute, 26th September 1877.
17
Letter to Cardinal Benavides, 30th December 1881.
18 Letter quoted by M. Sacred Heart in a letter addressed to her sister, 30th Oct 1888
19
When she says «I am going» she means to Madrid. The letter is undated, but must have
been written on 26th or 27th May.
211
what it is like* 20 .
M. Sacred Heart left Madrid on 30th with M. Maria del Carmen
Aranda. She had thought of taking one of the Assistants with her (M. Maria
de San Javier), but M. Pilar objected: «I would receive San Javier with open
arms, and she would be very useful here in the school with her gifts and fine
education; and I think she would be in her element. But I am afraid that the
enemy might cause trouble because we are so closely united, and make others
think wc are forming a clique. I would not like that to happen, for I would
rather a thousand times leave the Congregation before bringing anyone to my
side. Do not be upset by this; I think it is much better to make things clear so
as to avoid arguments in the future; I am more fond of that and of sincerity
every day*21.
The Visitation had good results. When she returned to Madrid she told
the Assistants General of the good impression the house had made on her. The
Assistants informed M. Pilar. «I have heard from M. General that everything
is beautiful there. She came back very pleased with the house, with the Mothers
and with the people who went to see her ...*22. «Mother came back very
pleased with that house and enthusiastic about the school...* 23 An important
proof; like a pat on the back for work in the schools of the Institute. Not only
was it possible to carry them on without prejudice to the worship of the
Eucharist, («so that the Eucharist does not decline*), but more time given to
children and young people meant deepening the mission of the Institute. What
M. Pilar described in a later letter was happening in La Coruna:
«... How well we are imitating our Master by uniting adoration of

Jesus exposed and the apostolate of teaching! You'll see how
beautifully worship of the Eucharist links with work in the schools:
because it is alternating both ends; taking our weariness and
compassion for the little angels to a Royal Audiencc ... and then taking
them back to their lessons and nurturing in them the blessings and
lights we have received during the Royal Audience* 24 .
It seems that during the Visitation there was no difference of opinion

between the foundresses, although on many important matters their thoughts
did not coincide. M. Sacred Heart spent a good deal of time with the girls in
20
21
22
U t t e r from M. Ma. de la Cruz to M. Pilar, 18th June.
23
Letter from M. Purisima to M. Pilar, 18th June 1889.
24
Letter from M. Pilar to M. Presentation Arrola, 6th July 1897.
282 Part three: 1887-1893
the school, she had contact with the Jesuits in the residence there and with
people who were friendly with the community ... For all this the two Mothers
had to appear, at least exteriorly, united and in complete harmony. M. Pilar
WTOte on 13th June: «We would l i k e to have news of your arrival there with
Maria del Carmen, although we hope you had a good journey. Everyone here,
especially the children, remember you very much». M.Sacred Heart answered
on 16th: «I am thinking of the children, I hope they do not forget me». She had
been happy with them, and had felt pleased in the school in La Coruna.
Difficult situation in the house in central Madrid
The house of St. Joseph continued with vigorous life, but limited by the
restrictions imposed by the Bishop of Madrid on the Chapel, and threatened
by those which might come in the future. M. Sacred Heart was well aware of
the effect of this on the progress of the school and of the retreat house, so she
asked the Bishop to authorise the reception of the sacraments at least for the
pupils and the retreatants:
«Wc sent a petition to His Holiness asking that the retreatants and
the poor children in our school might be able to fulfil the precept of
attending Mass and of receiving the sacraments of confession and
Communion in the Chapel of our house in St. Bernard Street and 1
now send Your Lordship a copy of the same. The permission came
from Rome some months ago and is recorded in the Secretariate. I
now beg Your Lordship with all respect to authorize the said Apostolic
Concession for the spiritual good of the above mentioned ladies and
children. May God preserve you for many years. Madrid, 26th June
1889».
Permission had been asked from Rome at the suggestion of the Bishop
who had replied verbally to M. Sacred Heart's petition: «I cannot grant this
permission, because it goes beyond my faculties. Have recourse to Rome. In
the meantime I allow the ladies and the children to go to the Chapel* 25 .
At the same time M. Sacred Heart consulted Fr. Enrique Perez,
Procurator of the Augustinians, who had very kindly helped them on other
occasions and had given them good advice. He answered in September:
The words between inverted commas appear in a report from Fr. Enrique Perez A.R,
addressed to Cardinal Mazzella in 1890 when failure threatened the affair.
«There is no doubt at all whether the pupils can assist at Mass and
receive Holy Communion... There is no need for any document to
certify this. It would be enough just to read a little in the books on
canon law. To prove this I enclose a note of what some of the most
reliable writers have said about such a case».
He did in fact enclose some quotations from canonists and decisions

of the Sacred Congregation. He then continued:
«I would add that although a Bishop could refuse to give permission

for a foundation of a house of the Institute, once the foundation lias
been canonically established, the dioccsan Bishop cannot prevent the
use of the privileges granted to the Institute. Persons here who belong
to the Sacred Congregation have been very much surprised by the
Bishop's prohibition; they do not understand how someone as learned
as that Bishop could give an order like that* 26 .
M. Sacred Heart and the other Mothers who knew about the business
of the Chapel received those statements without much enthusiasm They
accepted them, but with good reason they feared that they would not appear
so evident to the Bishop. M. Purisima wrote to Maria del Carmen the
Superior of St. Joseph's house: «I am writing to you today as from our M
General. I would like you to tell me which Sacrcd Congregation is dealing with
the petition asking for the grace that the retreatants and children may fulfil the
precept of hearing Mass in that Chapel etc.... Write also to this priest (Fr
Enrique) so that he understands that the Bishop would not apply to Rome but
to us. We would be in a tight fix since we have nothing to prove the answer
from the Sacrcd Congregation; so, it is important to say in writing in reply to
our petition that there was no further need for permissions because as an
approved Institute we are privileged that in our public and private Chapels the
precept of hearing Mass is fulfilled and the sacraments of confession and
Communion are administered, etc., eto>27. M. Purisima herself had consulted
Fr. Urraburu, who had replied: «... 1 do not think it will be easy for the
Congregation to give the reply you want in writing about the Chapel and still
less do 1 think they will give a certified reply, signed and sealed. And if you do
not have this, it may be that the Bishop will take no notice*28.
Fr. UrrSburu was right. An official reply from Rome would have
26
Letter to M. Sacred Heart 11th October 1889
27
Letter undated, but written no doubt in October.
28
U t t e r of 18 October 1889.
284 Part three: 1887-1893
meant accusing the Bishop of ignorance or ill-will because he had opposed the
Handmaids in Madrid. And, seeing the impossibility of obtaining documentary
evidence, M. Sacred Heart began to think of writing to the Bishop giving him
an account of her enquiries in Rome in a simple letter, trusting everything to
his kindness. She had not long to wait for a reply.
«The Bishop has received your esteemed letter of 21st of this

month», the bishop's private secretary wrote on 26th October, «and
before answering it he would like you to send him a copy of the
petition sent to Rome and of the answer given by the Sacred
Congregation, so that he may decide how to proceed in accord with
these».
This was just as they had feared. M. Sacred Heart was unwell during
those days, and her answer was somewhat delayed. Besides, it was so difficult!
She decided to write out in full the opinion given by Fr. Enrique. She had not
done it before because «I was very sorry about this, and I found it difficult to
give Your Lordship the replies as they were written; that is why I did not send
them when I wrote before. But, now that you ask me, I think I must say the
truth» 29 . She did not say that the delay was due to the impossibility of
producing an official document instead of a private opinion, which however
authoritative was not the same as a rule. Because M. Sacred Heart was aware
of this, she had not even given Fr. Enrique P6rez's name.
Her letter clearly had its weak points. The Bishop took advantage of
these and hastened to reply.
«Dear and respected Madam, His Lordship, the Bishop, has read
the letter of yesterday's date which you sent to him, and he asks me
to say: 1. He has great respect for the opinion of any learned person,
whoever he may be; but if it is not well-founded he cannot follow it as
a rule of conduct; 2. He has never said that the faithful cannot fulfil
the precept of hearing Mass in the public Chapel which the community
has in their house in Obelisk Parade; 3. The Oratory in St. Bernard
Street is not public because the site does not fulfil the necessary
conditions, and the prayers for the blessing in the Roman Ritual for
such cases could not be used. But His Lordship has no objection to
that community or any other using the favours and privileges granted
to them either by the general laws of the Church or by rescript, etc.»
29
The document was written and drawn up by the Bishop's Secretary, D.

Donato Gimdnez, who added a personal note: «After writing all that our
beloved Prelate has asked me to tell you, I wish to add on my own account that
it would be very helpful if that Institute, just like all the others in the diocese,
did not place difficulties b the Bishop's way*30.
Even though M. Saered Heart had been mistaken when she wrote her
letter of 4th November quoting Fr. Enrique's opinion without givbg his name,
yet the Bishop's reply whieh revealed his adamant posture - whieh was
erroneous - must have caused her deep pain, and not only parn. She knew, b
spite of her mistakes, that she was right, and she felt quite justly bdignant.
The greatest difficulties of M. Sacred Heart's government arose from
the house b St. Bernard Street. M. Pilar had never wanted the foundation.
She was unable to collaborate m any busbess with whieh she did not agree, and
so she was unmoved by the obstructive attitude of the Bishop. In La Coruna
she was far away physically, but she was almost farther away spiritually. With
heroic patience, M. Sacred Heart continued with her conciliatory attitude
helping the school b La Coruna as mueh as she could, informbg that house
of all that was happenbg b the rest of the Institute, and askbg M. Pilar's
opinion in all matters which concerned her as Assistant.
In the month of July she had a great joy. Don Fulgencio Tabernero,
a very rich landowner of Salamanca, who had two daughters b the
Congregation, wanted to buy a house for the Institute b the centre of Madrid.
Thus the struggling foundation could be consolidated. They would not have the
expense of renting the house b St. Bernard Street, and they would be able to
build a Chapel suitable for use by the publie... M. Sacred Heart informed the
Assistants, b c l u d b g M. Pilar, at once about this. She wrote: «You do not say
anything about receiving a letter b which I spoke about Havana ... And there
was another one b whieh I told you that D. Fulgencio is enquiring about
buybg a house for us... Well, he has seen one as big as the one b St. Bernard
Street b a little street opposite the Cortes. It is not a bad place, although
rather out-of-the-way, and it is near the Jesuit residence b el Lobo, although
there is not much life b that house - there are only four Fathers living there.
But the house b St. Bernard Street is next to that of Isabel the Catholic, where
there are always at least twenty, and it is eentral. The street is noisy, but it has
the advantage that the Fathers are near. The Provincial even walks there and
he gives them exhortations. Don Fulgeneio is very supportive, and he is
delighted with his daughters* 31 .
M. Pilar's answer to the news of that busbess crossed b the post with
30
31
286 Part three: 1887-1893
the second letter: «You are happy as if buying a house in the centre of Madrid
is a grace from God and a favour. But ever since I heard of it I am appalled,
and however much I try, I cannot help it; because I can see the ruin of the
Congregation getting nearer. Don Fulgencio is giving only 40,000 duros. Who
will give the rest for the work, etc?» She was mistaken, she thought that the
benefactor was giving a fixed sum and was not ready to provide the whole cost
of the house, whatever it might be. She suggested that this gift should be used
to make up the amount taken from the dowries for the work done in the house.
«... With this good alms everything could be put straight; and believe me, it is
in using it like this and not in any other way that God Our Lord really protects
us... For goodness' sake consult Father Provincial about this before going any
further; if you go on like this, although I am no prophet, and I do not profess
to be, yet 1 say you will bitterly regret the harm done. I sec, with good reasons,
that it will be very great. We should not expect miracles, that is, we should not
forcc God to work miracles*.
M. Pilar began this obscure letter on 15th July. She had not yet sent
it on 18th, and then she added a post script: «You will see by the date of this
letter that I have delayed sending it because I cannot say how much it hurts me
to make you all suffer, especially you, whom I seem to love more and more; I
do not know if it is because God allows this in order to purify me more, or
because my soul is hanging on a thread and in torture when I sec what you are
doing. I shall not say any more about this, and I ask you not to speak to me
about these matters which you know I do not agree with, although I wish with
all my heart that I am mistaken... And now, something else - I beg you not to
make me go to Madrid, for I don't want my tongue to run away with mc, and
so it is better for me to write. My only concern in this life is to avoid behaving
badly before God Our Lord*.
M. Sacred Heart answered: «Blessed be God! You get worried about
everything*. Then she went on to give details about the circumstances of Don
Fulgencio's offer. «So, don't be a child, and don't worry; God has to give us
everything we need, while we experience the trials and worries which all
Institutes go through at the beginning...*32 M. Maria dc la Cruz also wrote
to M. Pilar to reassure her.
At that time they did not know of the great trial which the Tabernero
family and the Institute would have to suffer on account of Don Fulgencio's
daughters. The second daughter entered in May of that year. The elder one
had finished her novitiate and made her first vows the previous year. Her name
was Rosalia, but in the Institute she took the name of Maria Teresa de San
Jos6. Many of the early accounts dcpict the two sisters in terms affccted by
32
211
their premature death. M. Maria del Carmen Aranda gives some details in her
History. «While still a novice M. Maria Teresa de San Jos6 used to say that she
wanted her parents, her two sisters and the chaplain of the house to become
Religious. Her youngest sister married, but all the others did become
Religious. The first to enter was Maria, the second sister who took the same
name as that of M. General when she received the habit: Maria del Sagrado
Coraz6n de Jesus. She was called by that name for a very short time, bccausc
the Heart of Jesus wanted this angel in heaven; she was a novice for barely
nine months* 33 .
The illnesses, and finally the death of the two Tabernero sisters took
place at the time of the greatest difficulties in the house of St. Bernard.
Needless to say this series of tribulations was a great trial of faith for M.
Sacred Heart. When M. Maria del Carmen spoke of these events she said that
none of them had cast down the soul of this «truiy strong, heroic, holy
woman* 34 .
Maria Tabernero became ill at the beginning of September 1889. M.
Sacred Heart wrote to her sister on 11th: «We have a new sorrow; Maria
Tabernero will go to heaven, if God does not intervene. She has had gastric
trouble for a week; but the doctor said yesterday she has some long-standing
damage to the left lung which has now becomc evident. Truly she was an angel,
not a woman, and so does not belong to this world*.
Two days later she added: «Maria is the same; the two doctors who
sec her foresee a sad end. Thank goodness they say she has had this illness for
a long time, and the gastric trouble has aggravated it. They have told her father
this many times... She is just like an angel, and so I don't think she will stay in
this world* 35 .
When M. Pilar knew she wrote: «I am very sorry about Maria, and
even more for her poor parents... I have no time for more today; I'll try to
write to D. Fulgencio and his wife, and also to Maria. Tell them I am thinking
of them all...* The whole Congregation was storming heaven with prayers.
This sorrow united the two foundresses, surmounting their usual lack of mutual
understanding.
33
History of M. Sacred Heart I p.55.
34
Ibid.
35
Letter to M. Pilar 13th September 1889.
36
288 Part three: 1887-1893
M. Pilar makes her perpetual profession
The great worry for M. General throughout this year was M. Pilar's
profession. It had been postponed the previous year because of her
«insuperable aversion*, and the months were passing in an indefinite delay.
Now and again in her letters M. Sacred Heart alludes to the matter which
worries her so much, and to the cause of what she sees as the real root of the
situation:
«I would like you to change, and not be so much apart. Do see that
in union is strength. Where there is no union, God is not there ...
Pardon me if 1 am offending you; that is not my intention; rather it is
because of my great desire for all of us to get on together, with great
toleration for each other* 37 .
A letter written on 4th July had contained a still stronger appeal: «I

think that in justice, seeing that the Congregation so willingly helps that house,
you should respond by making your profession*. M. Sacred Heart was referring
to the sacrifices of persons sent to the school in La Coruna. «You see, there
is a great deal of scandal; Fr. Provincial has asked me about it more than once,
and this cannot go on so long. For goodness' sake make it; it is the devil
(tempting you). In any case you are just as much obliged now as you will be
later on. Perhaps it is because you don't want to be subject to me. But I only
do what I think is right; both now and always I shall act without fear of anyone
but God, because I am not influenced by flattery or by force, only by what I
consider to be my duty, as you should know ... or by anything against my
conscience, even if I am torn to pieces* 38 .
This was certainly true, although we shall never know what she thought
was M. Pilar's reason for delaying her profession. We have not sufficient proof
to suspect that she simply wanted to hinder M. Sacred Heart in her
government. «With regard to the profession it is essential that God lets me
know what I should do, for as far as I know, and I trust in Him, I would not
act against His holy will. You say it is the devil, but I do not think so, and you
know what I have said*. This was M. Pilar's reply to the previous letter 39 .
The community in La Coruna made their retreat during the first half
of August. At the end, the Superior of that house informed M. General of the
decision that all had awaited so long: «I have come out of Retreat determined
37
Letter beginning September 1889.
38
39
11th July 1889.
211
to make my profession*. She was ready to do anything she was told, although
she explained some difficulties in the school: «... I am telling you my resolution.
If you want me to wait until I am free, all right; but if not I'll make it today.
I do not ask for someone to take my place for a month or two, because I think
that the people know me and that I am in the midst of this business from the
beginning, and humanly speaking I shall manage better in order to get the
desired result* 40 .
Was M. Pilar able to grasp then the great joy which her resolution
produced? If we were to have an idea we would need to know how greatly
loved in the Institute was the elder of the foundresses.
M. General's reply to the news has not come down to us. Or rather,
we have a fragment from the end of a letter dated 27th August. But we do
know that she must have told Fr. Hidalgo, her spiritual director, of her
happiness. He wrote from Vitoria to congratulate her: «... about the profession,
I have given thanks to the Sacred Heart who has done this. I think you should
insist very gently that she should make the month's retreat with everybody, and
make the profession with them all, and you will succeed...* 41
M. Pilar also informed M. Maria del Carmen Aranda of her decision,
and probably she also told the Assistants. We can infer her attitude from these
letters: she was making her profession, but she still maintained her negative
judgement upon the government of M. Sacred Heart. She wrote to M. Maria
del Carmen: «I have already told you, and now I repeat that 1 have nothing
against you, nothing at all... If 1 am not as I was before, it is because of what
I spoke about here - (she is referring to the visit of M. General and her
secretary to La Coruna) - that is, because ... you are so completely attached
exteriorly and even interiorly, submitting your judgement perhaps in some
cases, to the government of the Congregation, and as I am diametrically the
opposite of that, what can we do about it?* 42 M. Maria del Carmen's reply
was a tacit agreement that she was at that time «completely attached exteriorly
and even interiorly* to M. General: «Dearest M. Pilar: Thank God you have
broken your long silence. There are paragraphs in your letter which made mc
very happy (such as the one which says you are going to make your profession).
But others have made me very sad; but I accept them all from you whom I love
so much. Mother, I am praying with all my heart. I think I could say in all truth
that I pray constantly, because 1 always hope that you may sec things in a
different light. If our desires are the words of our heart, how many I speak to
Our Lord for you! 1 will also pray that Fr. Urr&buru will not be absent; that
40
Letter to M. Sacred Heart, 22nd August 1889.
41
Letter of 27th August 1889.
42
290 Part three: 1887-1893
will not happen because God is very good!» 43 Indeed, Fr. UrrSburu was not
missing; he always received and answered her queries with great patience. He
also was very pleased when he received the news about the profession: «...What
you have decided to do will be very pleasing to God and will be a joy for the
angels, and for you it will be a source of many graces...*44.
The good news did not alter the series of upsets which at this time
followed upon any decision or consultation by M. General. In a letter which
crossed that of M. Pilar announcing her decision about the profession, M.
Sacred Heart had made the suggestion that some of the Religious, the most
firm in their vocation (some Superiors) might pronounce their perpetual vows
that year with no other prerequisite beyond the month's retreat. She was
asking for them to be dispensed from the year of probation laid down by the
Constitutions. The circumstances were exceptional; there were many Sisters
who had completed the time before profession, and it would have meant
deserting the houses if they had to be all together. M. Pilar answered the
question with a series of arguments which in themselves were very reasonable.
«About Maria del Salvador ... I would dispense her (from the probation) less
than anyone, and I would not give her anything more strict than the Superiors
have, among other reasons because prudence and real charity are so essential
in the Congregation. I do not think they are lacking through bad faith, but just
through ignorance and thoughtlessness...*45 She was defending strict
orthodoxy and the greatest respect for the Constitutions, but she forgot the fact
that any law admits of exceptions, and that she herself when not feeling
contradictory agreed with that. The worst thing about M. Pilar's arguments at
this time was not that they revealed a certain unorthodoxy, but they brought out
her discordant attitude.
To Maria del Carmen Aranda, M. Sacred Heart said: «What is to be
done? I am sorry that M. Pilar is still upset, but I can do nothing. I told her
what I was thinking about the Superiors, and she says she does not agree, but
the year of third probation should be longer for them. You see: always the
contrary. Pray calmly, for God does not like violence, pray that M. Pilar may
make the month's retreat. How could that Mother pronounce her profession
without that help?* 46
43
U t t e r of 29th August 1889.
44
45
46
Undated letter, but doubtless immediately after the one written by M. Pilar to M. Sacred
Heart on 25th August 1889.
211
Events leading to tbe foundation in Cadiz
In the middle of September of that same year (1889) the prehistory of

a new foundation began: Cadiz. A good lady was pleading for the project,
although she could hardly offer more than her moral support plus the help her
friends might give. Dona Nieves Oronoz, widow of Sierra, had no money, but
she did have a great gift of persuasion, and she had convinced several wealthy
ladies of the benefit of a house of Handmaids in Cadiz. Dona Nieves had two
daughters in the Congregation, and it may be that her apostolic endeavours
were mixed with her legitimate, natural desire to be near her daughters.
M. Maria del Carmen Aranda, in the name of M. General, suggested
the matter to M. Pilar: «Mother asks me what would be your opinion about
providing the means for that foundation ... she would like to know what you
think about it...»47 «Well, I do not say Yes, because according to my way of
seeing things, it goes against my conscience, and I cannot help it. I don't say
' No' because I am afraid of hindering the progress of the Congregation, and
even of harming it. I will commend it to God, as I am doing, and I ask Him to
give you light to do what pleases Him*4®. With this vague yet sharp answer
M. Pilar opposed the project. M. General thought she must answer her very
clearly: «Don't be like that. When you are asked for your opinion, say what you
think. I am not anxious to make foundations, still less without all the means.
So much so that I stopped the one in Havana. When we are not working as
one, the spirit dies, and my spirit should die. If the situation does not change,
everything will become extinct, because seeing you so tense kills our spirit and
makes us desire nothing but to creep into a corner* 49 . «... When I say that
to you it is not because I want it; I do not, nor anything else; I say it only
because the devil is getting his own way, and the world too. For everyone is
surprised by your aloofness, the Fathers first of all; they hardly ever ask
anything now, because they think there is some mystery*. She ended the letter
by saying that she wished to resign from the government: «I am ready, as I
have always said, to leave the charge as soon as I get the slightest sign. That
would be the happiest day of my life*50.
M. Pilar answered by explaining her attitude:
«You say that I am tense, and 1 am surprised that you have

forgotten my way of thinking and being; this is nothing new. Rather,
47
48
Letter of M. Pilar to M. Sacred Heart, 20th September 1889.
49
Letter, end of September 1S89.
292 Part three: 1887-1893
did I want the Church, did I want it to be built? Yet the Congregation
was better off then. Now tell me: when someone cannot reflect as you
do... and does not have that faith in expecting extraordinary protection
from God, what is she going to do? I do not want to oppose you
either. First of all, because if it had an unfavourable result for the
Congregation I would always be sorry; and secondly and chiefly, thanks
be to God, I have realized that it is not surprising if 1 do not
understand the course you are taking because God inspires people in
many ways. So, in order not to nourish my feelings, which I desire to
overcome at all costs, I close my mind as far as I can, so as not to
know what is happening both in material things and spiritual...*51
That «closing her mind» had placed her in a state of isolation which
must have been unpleasant for her and for the others. But in her situation
within the Institute a neutral posture was not possible. Her abstention was
interpreted, quite reasonably, as opposition; even apart from the fact that M.
Pilar was by temperament incapable of hiding her feelings and she
unconsciously revealed the unfavourable judgements she made on M. General
and the General Council.
After all this, M. General and her Assistants accepted the foundation
in Cadiz by a majority. There was one negative vote - naturally that of M. Pilar
- and the others expressed their desire that no harm should be incurred by the
Congregation.
Two coincident struggles
Maria Tabernero's illness was taking its course. «...She is still very
serious, without hope now. Her parents are resigned, but grieving, as is
natural... She received Holy Viaticum and pronounced her vows yesterday. She
was and is like an angel; she is prettier than before... Pray for her, although we
are probably more in need of prayers*. That was 16th September 52 . «Maria
is very bad, but I think she may still drag on, although sometimes I am afraid
of what Mariani says, that she will become just like a little bird ... She does not
think she is dying, but they are helping her to understand now, and she says
what could be better? ... I am very calm, thanks be to God, and doing all I can
to see that Maria is well prepared; even with joy...» 53 «The patient, just the
51
52
Letter to M. Pilar.
^ Letter to M.Ma. del Carmen Aranda before 18th September; probably before 16th.
211
same, or rather, progressing towards heaven* 54 .

She was on the way to heaven, not like one taking a peaceful walk, but
suffering and struggling with strength far beyond her age. She was nineteen
years old. While she was offering to God her innocent life and the pains of her
illness, M. Pilar was still keeping up her last struggles before her profession. Fr.
Urr/tburu encouraged her with the following words: «... You are always
struggling with divine grace and triumphing with its help ... That is how heaven
is attained; it was not made for the lazy and comfortable ones, but for those
who are courageous, who really try to mortify themselves and to walk in the
footsteps of Jesus Christ crucified...*55 Her greatest doubts, or rather, her
strongest resistance centred now on the invitation sent her by M. General who
said she should go to Madrid for the month's retreat. M. Pilar must have
consulted Fr. Urr&buru on this point too, explaining to him the difficulties
which would be caused in the school. He answered her: «Aboul the profession
and the retreat I can only say that it seems to me that you should state all the
reasons you have for staying there (in La Coruna) and not go to Madrid ... and
accept M. General's decision, trusting that what she decides, after you have
explained everything sincerely, will be most pleasing to God. I think that for the
sake of a quiet conscience and peace of soul, it is wise in these matters to have
a life of faith, to inform the Superior fully about it, and then to accept what is
ordered as coming from God's hand* 56 .
M. Pilar followed this advice, and consequently she wrote to Madrid
a few days later: «As I promised Our Lord to make the profession, I am
wondering whether to postpone it, and I don't want that to happen. So, read
my reasons and decide, so that I may be at peace* 57 . She gave the same
arguments as before, with the difference that her tone was more gentle. She
finished by suggesting that she should make the month's retreat in La Coruna,
where she thought she could have some peace, and on the days of rest she
could attend to the business of the school; «but if not, that is if you think I
should leave this house, either in January or now, let me know, and if it is now,
tell me with whom I should go*.
M. Sacred Heart then told her to go to Madrid: «At the beginning of
next month the retreat will be held here. The Sisters and I want you to make
it here because they want to see you, and because if you are there you will not
get away from everything, and they will drive you crazy on the rest days, as
54
Letter to M. Pilar 11th October 1889.
55
U t t e r of 5th October 1889.
54
57
U t l e r to M. Sacred Heart, 14th October 1889.
294 Part three: 1887-1893
happens to me here* 58 . Without more ado M. Pilar announced that she

would be arriving on 4th or 5th November; she also said that she would stay
a few hours in Valladolid in order to speak to Fr. Urriburu.
The retreat began on 7th in the house in St. Bernard Street. Fr.
Hidalgo was the director, and this must have made it very hard for M. Pilar;
this was very understandable because she had never got on well with him. She
asked to speak to Fr. Provincial, Francisco de Sales MuruzAbal, and her desire
was granted by M. General - there was nothing extraordinary in her wish. «...
I shall not say anything to her; I'll leave her completely free with regard to the
retreat; she may have it here or there, as she likes and with whom whe wishes.
Let us see if this obliges her more», thus wrote M. Sacred Heart to M. Maria
del Carmen A r a n d a ; when she said 'here or there' she meant one of the
two houses in Madrid.
No spiritual notes of M. Pilar have been preserved, nor any explicit
reference to the retreat. There is only a letter from Fr. Urr&buru to M.
Purisima which gives the idea that he thought the exercitant had made the
retreat with much fruit. «I realise your great joy on seeing M. Pilar after more
than one year of separation. She will be edifying you now with her retreat, and
she will live absorbed in God gaining all possible fruit from that school of holy,
solid teaching which is received in the month's retreat* 60 . M. Maria del
Carmen Aranda took part in the retreat with M. Pilar, and she wrote a less
optimistic note than that of Fr. Urraburu: «M. Pilar stayed in St. Joseph's
house, if 1 am not mistaken, until 8th December when she made her profession
alone in the Church of the Novitiate. She even told me that she would willingly
die before doing what she was going to do» 61 .
The Diary of the Madrid House has a brief mention of the fact: «On
8th December M. Maria del Pilar made her profession. Fr. Rodeles
officiated*. But nothing can be deduced from this brevity because on the same
page with equal terseness an event is noted which deeply affected the whole
community: On 2nd December Sr. Maria del Sagrado Corazon - Maria
Tabernero - died at 3 p.m. The funeral was on 4th.
She had been dying slowly after only three month's illness. Like so
many other young Sisters at that time, she died of tuberculosis, but in her ease
the process was hastened by a desire for heaven which the patient did not
attempt to conceal. «During her last days she enjoyed speaking of her death,
and finally she said she wanted to make a novena to the Immaculate
®® Letter undated; second half of October.

59
U t t e r of 5th November 1889.
60
History of M. Sacred Heart I, p. 54.
211
Conception. She asked our Sisters and the Fathers who visited her to pray that
Our Lord would allow her to go to heaven on the feast of the Immaculate
Conception. She was worse on the morning of the third day, and the Mistress
of Novices who feared some agreement between God and our Sister, asked her:
"Is the grace you are asking in the novena that of dying?" She blushed as if her
secret had been found out, and said Yes; but if she wanted her to ask for
something else, she would do so. The Mistress left her free, and at 12.30 she
was told she was very ill. She went to see her, and realised it was the agony.
She informed M. General who, to the Sister's great joy, stayed at her bedside
until she died in her arms at half past three in the afternoon* 62 .
On the day of Maria Tabernero's funeral her sister, M. Maria Teresa
de San Jos6 felt ill. This was not suprising, for she had spent days and nights
looking after the patient. But immediately the dlness was seen to be incurablc.
It was in the family; don Fulgencio's daughters had inherited tuberculosis from
an unknown person. The doelors said that Maria Teresa needed a warmer
climate, and M. General moved her to Andalusia. Did she hope to see her
revive in the sunshine there? She wrote from Cordova on 14th December:
«Maria Teresa is better at times, I think, and at other times she is the same or
worse* 63 .
Neither her trusting surrender to God's will nor her lively faith in
unending bliss had deprived M. Sacred Heart of that tenderness wliich vibrates
with preferential love and suffering in the presence of separation and death.
The illness and loss of Maria Tabernero had to reveal this. Maria's death was
deeply felt, but accepted calmly and naturally becausc they were all sure that
she was an angel, and it had become almost normal for them to believe that
she would not live long on this earth. «Maria Teresa de San Josd loved the
Congregation and M. Sacred Heart tenderly. Her parents loved her very
specially. M. General cxpccted much from them*. Thus M. Maria del Carmen
Aranda sums up the causes of this new and extraordinary sorrow of M. Sacred
Heart. It can be questioned whether it was sorrow or love64. M. General
wrote to M. Pilar from Cordova: «This evening after Benediction Maria Teresa
gave me an awful time. I went to see her, and she told me she was cold.
Indeed, I touched her; even her nose was cold as death. She began to get pale
and to say that she was exhausted... Both she and M. Superior say it was fumes
from the fire which were very strong. May God Our Lord accept my fright...
I trust in God that she will get well. Don Jose Ibarra and Ramon send you
greetings. I have not seen anyone else because this creature leaves me with no
62
Circular letter written at the time of her death, cf. Fidelidad Divina I n.9.
63
Letter to M. Pilar.
64
History ofM. Sacred Heart I p.57.
296 Part three: 1887-1893
desires for anything*65. She wrote again a few days later: «My dear sister:
I had to take Maria Teresa to Jerez, because she was dying here. This house
(Cordova) and the terrible cold appalled her. She is very happy there, and
much better because she has an appetite and is eating well. God grant that she
gets well, if that is the right thing*66.
It was a misleading improvement, but it lasted long enough for that
group of sorrowing persons to celebrate Christmas with hope. And doubtless,
the patient herself did everything humanly possible to prolong their hopes: she
would have given her life to please M. General and to be useful to the
Congregation; and now for love of them she was going to fight to preserve it.
M. Sacred Heart returned to Madrid in sorrow but with joy at seeing
the improvement. They did not meet again in this world.
«... All this is permitted hy the One

who is directing us in everything...*
The Bishop of Madrid had kept silent for a long time. The main door
of the Chapel in St. Bernard Street was closed, so the people went in through
the entrance hall of the house to visit the Blessed Sacrament exposed. Then on
20th January 1890 an official letter arrived at the house in Obelisk Parade from
the Bishop's Secretary. The Bishop asked if M. General was aware of
announcements in the press which said that exposition of the Blessed
Sacrament was offered «for souls of the dead or for the intention of any
person*, and if those notices had been placed with her consent: «As it is
forbidden in this diocese to have solemn exposition of the Blessed Sacrament
for private needs... if this is repeated the solemn exposition which takes place
each day in that Church will have to be suspended in order to prevent harm to
the arrangements of the ecclesiastical authority*.
The content of this letter was completed by an even more severe verbal
communication. The Bishop called the chaplain of the Novitiate house and told
him to pass on to M. General the order to close the chapel in St. Bernard
Street even to those people who went in by the entrance hall of the house. M.
Sacred Heart answered. Referring to the letter she said: «... As Our Lord is
exposed every day according to our Constitutions, it is not offered for private
needs, but alms are accepted only for the lights, and this was not thought to
contravene Your Lordship's orders, which for me are much to be respected.
The announcements were inserted without my knowledge. 1 am thinking of
65
l e t t e r of 14th December 1889.
66
Letter of 20th December 1889.
211
returning the offerings which have been received for this intention, and I state
that Your Lordship will be humbly obeyed, regretting that even unknowingly
anything has been done against your wishes* .
In another letter M. General added in a more familiar tone:
«... Our chaplain, don Manuel Sinchez Capuchino, informed me this

afternoon in your Lordship's name that the faithful may not enter the
chapel of St. Joseph, and that Your Lordship will place guards to sec
that your orders are carried out. This message has surprised me very
much because Your Lordship knows that a hint from you is a
command for me, as you know by the orders you gave me about this
Chapel when I had the honour of speaking to Your Lordship about
this same matter last year; orders which have been obeyed to the
letter: not to open the main door; not fulfilling the precept of hearing
Mass, or having confessions or Communion; only using the
dispensation which Your Lordship gave me by word of mouth:
allowing people to enter through the door of the house; and we do not
ring a bell... I am deeply hurt, honoured Father, that Your Lordship
treats so severely one who has loved you and who docs love you,
knowing how much we owe to you. May God Our Lord change this
painful situation that you may see us for what we are: humble and
obedient daughters who do our utmost to honour the one who
honoured us. Thus was Your Lordship in those fateful days, because
this Institute owes its existence, after God, to Your Lordship, and we
never forget thal,,.»
M. General wanted to touch the Bishop's heart by reminding him

gratefully of the part he had played in the establishment of the Institute in
Madrid in 1877. The Bishop's reaction as seen in his immediate reply was
certainly not what she expected: «Sr. Maria del Sagrado Coraz6n dc Jesus: By
your letter of yesterday's date I learn of the resolutions of obedience which you
say you uphold. Rather than a theoretical or promised obedience I would like
obedience practised, and your procedure is far from that; and there is no
possibility of change while you are moved by the spirit of independence from
which your Congregation has suffered from the beginning ... If that
Congregation continues to act with the arrogance and independence of which
I have proofs, I would prefer the two houses which you have in this diocese to
leave, and I shall make this known to His Holiness at the first opportunity*.
That was on 22nd January.
Letter of 21st Januaiy 1R90.

298 Part three: 1887-1893
Seen from our point of view the series of happenings in the house in
St. Bernard Street seems incredible. There is no need to comment on the
unprecedented harshness of the Bishop's words which, no doubt, were said in
good faith in defence of an authority which he thought was being harmed or
in danger. When M. Sacred Heart informed the Superior of the house
concerned (M. Maria del Carmen Aranda) of the order she added: «... Blessed
be God. We must hasten to Rome, because this is worthy of discussion...*68
The following day she went to St. Bernard Street, and from there on 23rd
January she wrote to M. Purisima about the Bishop's latest reply, which she
called «tremendous»: «I would like to go there to talk about this with you, but
I am afraid to leave this house because of the lack of experience and the
vehemence of M. Maria del Carmen, and as the situation is so bad, any slip
eould be serious. As the Bishop's letter is so tremendous I can see that things
are getting serious, and so we have to think. I sent a telegram at once to MM.
Pilar and Maria de la Cruz, and I am expecting one of them tomorrow and the
other the next day, God willing, and we shall see what God disposes*.
On 25th January M. General and the Assistants, Maria del Pilar,
Purisima and San Javier met in Madrid in the mueh-discussed house of St.
Joseph. M. Maria de la Cruz was unwell in Cordova and had to be excused.
M. Sacred Heart explained the situation of the house and the problem
caused by the Bishop's attitude. «Shc also explained how she had acted on Fr.
Provincial's advice and had told all that had happened to Mgr. Vico, the auditor
of the Nunciature. In fact she told them everything and asked the Secretary to
read the letters she had mentioned and quoted. Finally she asked them for their
opinion as to what should be done*. M. Purisima advised complete submission.
M. San Javier was of the same mind, «seeing that we have no power to
fight*69.
Then M. Sacred Heart attempted to make them see how useful would
be a foundation in Rome. She was aware, in view of M. Pilar's attitude, that in
normal circumstances she could only expect her opposition, but she thought
that the problem created by the Bishop of Madrid would providentially open
a way for her idea. In fact, in the letter which she wrote to M. Purisima on
23rd she had made known her thoughts with these words: «I am expecting
much glory from this whieh seems a tribulation, if it comes out as I believe, and
I'll tell you when we meet, it is all permitted by Him who is guiding us, or
rather the Institute, in everything*.
Now that they were together she explained her idea. What she should
never have imagined was that M. Pilar might lay aside her hostility even in such
Minutes of General Council Meetings p.31.

211
special circumstances. «M. General carefully hinted that it might be helpful if

three Mothers went to Rome to make a foundation there. M. Pilar replied that
she thought the Congregation could not be defended; there was need for
covering up, for when the state of the administration became known we were
going to be seen in a very bad light». The Assistants rejected her opinion,
saying that there were Sisters in the Institute who would inherit a good capital;
and in any case up to that time the Congregation had not mortgaged any
property. «M, Pilar did not change her opinion, and she said that in the
circumstances she thought it would be a mistake to go to Rome. For a long
time she had regretted and wept over the course which the Congregation was
taking...*70 She added that she also considered the foundation of that house,
St. Joseph's, the result of a mistaken decision. M. General only answered that
as they were all together they could consider whether it would be wise to close
the house.
The session ended without any definite conclusion being made. The
following day M. Pilar handed to the Secretary her written opinion about the
way the situation could be saved. The Secretary said: «She told me to keep it
when the Mothers had read it* She suggested two solutions. In the first, she
was ready to be with M. General and the other Assistants «if they call Fr.
Provincial ... let him see quite sincerely and truly the financial state of the
Congregation, and then to ask him if they should accept their present troubles
as a trial or punishment from God...» The second option was really the one
which expressed her own opinion on the matter: the Bishop's decision should
be used as an opportunity to close that foundation and to persuade D.
Fulgencio to give them in cash the amount of money he wanted to use to buy
a house. With that money they would be able «to renew the Congregation
somewhat ... so as to be able to go and make a foundation in Rome*. Then,
she would be the first «to put her shoulder to the wheel*, «if they did not start
doing crazy things again ... without consulting competent people*. M. Pilar
thought that by making this «voluntary confession to the Fathers of the Society*
far from making the Congregation lose by it, they would make them favour it.
She ended with these words: «I know that I am suggesting a great sacrifice for
you, but I have to do no less when I try to unite myself to you, in spite of very
many other ideas which I do not agree with; and God is my witness that I am
speaking the truth* 71 .
The General Secretary notes that of those who received this note «only
M. San Javier said that she did not consider the means suggested by M. Pilar
70
Ibid. p. 31 ff.
71
The original was placed with the minutes of the meetings; at the end of the Meeting on
25th January.
300 Part three: 1887-1893
suitable. M. Maria de la Cruz gave the same reply in writing*72.

M. Pilar continued to stay aloof. It was impossible to resolve the
conflict because what she wanted was not just a simple consultation with Fr.
Muruzibal, the Provincial of the Jesuits, but rather a ^confession*. That is, they
were to declare in advance that the government of the Institute was guilty of
«nonsensical» transactions; and even if they did admit this, they had to guess
what were the other points with which she could not agree. The meeting broke
up without coming to any conclusion. M. Pilar returned to La Coruna; she
continued to work there, giving of her best to that school, to those children and
to their families. Day by day she won the appreciation of them all, and in
general that of the community too. But the central problem of her life during
those years still persisted, that blindness which made her incapable of accepting
the government of her sister.
M. Sacred Heart stayed in Madrid; it is needless to say that she was
distressed. Words fail to express her serenity and patience on this occasion:
bearing peacefully the turbulence of those two days of meetings was already a
triumph; overcoming a merely passive attitude and actively seeking a solution
meant much more than that. A cold, phlcgmatic person would have been able
to face the hostility with indifference. But she was very sensitive, and she was
deeply hurt by her sister's attitude, as she admitted on some occasions. Her
decision to go forward was due to her superhuman constancy; a strength given
her by her trust in God. But this supernatural faith brought out to the full the
best qualities of her personality: she was timid by nature, so she possessed the
firmness of humble people, and a great capacity to defend staunchly the
altitudes she considered right, in spite of her fear of contrary opinions.
On 26th January M. Sacred Heart went to see the Bishop, fulfilling the
decision made in the meeting with the Assistants. She tried to effect a
reconciliation with him, but it was impossible. There can be no doubt that Dr.
Sancha had what seemed to him valid reasons for standing by his position. But
one century later it is evident that it is impossible to understand his displeasure.
Even if the Handmaids had given him some cause at the beginning - which
does not appear to be certain from all the documents which have come down
to us - it is still incredible that his anger was not appeased by the letter which
M. General wrote to him when she returned to the house in St. Bernard Street:
«Vcry Reverend and honoured Father in Christ: 1 camc back in

great sorrow this morning bccause 1 did not attain what I had hoped
in my visit, which was to make Your Lordship happy and to forget my
offcnccs... Now with all humility I beg you, for my heart cannot bear
72 Minutes of meetings p.33.

211
to think you are displeased, and I hope Your Lordship will truly
pardon me, just as I have been pardoned so many times by the One
who shed all his blood for me, and I hope that my amendment in the
future will be the most convincing proof...* 73
«Don't think in difficult times that you will live long, so as not to be
discouraged, but think only of what God wants of you in that moment, and then
you will not waste a single grace which comes with it»74. She gave that advice
to a Sister about that time, and truly her words sprang from her own
experience. She too would get through the difficulties with the Bishop of
Madrid. But in the meantime she had to find a solution, and she thought once
more of Rome. She consulted Fr. MuruzSbal, and she gauged the spirit of Don
Fulgencio. Then having obtained their positive replies, she asked the Assistants
for their opinion. She followed Fr. Provincial's advice in the manner of asking:
«... Fr. Provincial says that we should make a novena in all the houses, asking
Our Lord to enlighten the Councillors and myself, and after that each one
should send me her opinion with the pros and cons written out in separate
columns, and he will see and decide. Then you must pray about it... So now you
know* - she wrote to M. Pilar: «Write on one side: It would be good to have
the foundation in Rome for this... and this... reason. And on the other side: If
we do this I see it would be harmful because of .... and .... If this is not clear,
ask me» 7S .
«May there be no more deaths, if that is what should be.

Pray for it...*
About this time Maria Teresa Tabernero was entering the last stretch
of her life. She was in Jerez, After the short improvement in Andalusia she had
a violent attack of the illness. She had wanted to live, but she accepted death
in the peacc of the Lord. «...On the First Friday of February, full of confidence
in the Sacred Heart, she was hoping for a miraeulous cure, and when she saw
that Our Lord did not want to grant her that consolation she said to Mother
Superior that she felt death was near and although she wanted to be better so
as to suffer and to work for the glory of God in His service, yet her will was
completely united to the divine will... She said she was dying with sorrow that
she had done nothing for the Congregation, to which she owed so much for
73
74
Undated letter to M. Ma. de la Paz, written probably between 1890 and 1892.
75
302 Part three: 1887-1893
many reasons* 76 .
On 9th February M. Sacred Heart said: «Maria Teresa is like a light
going out, every day a little fainter* 77 On 21st the sick Sister received
Viaticum, and she lived for three more days. When M. General knew it was so
serious she left Madrid for Jerez. When she reached the house, the faces of
those awaiting her in the hall announced that Maria Teresa had just died. To
get some idea of her sorrow it is sufficient to say that she repeated the act of
thanksgiving which Don Antonio Ortiz Urruela used to offer in the great trials
of bis life: «Let us recite the Te Deurn*, she said; doubtless in a voice
produced from the depths of her faith.
When M. Pilar learned the news she was not only sorry for the loss of
Maria Teresa, but she also felt for the deep sorrow of M. Sacred Heart: «May
God help you to preserve your usual calm in these cases... She is happy,
without any regrets at all, and she is where she can do so much for everyone,
and especially for her parents* 78 . M. Pilar knew her sister's fortitude by
experience from of old. M. Sacred Heart wrote to M. Maria del Carmen: «Tell
M. Pilar that thanks be to God, I have accepted this blow with great sorrow,
but with great resignation, coming from Whom it does. I was present at the
funeral. I even had strength from Our Lord for that. Blessed be He who gives
me so much* 79 . The faith which gives light to the mystery of death, did not
diminish her suffering: «You can imagine the sorrow for Maria Teresa. But,
although I cannot say how much I have felt it, and do feel it, because her
memory is ever with me, yet I am quite resigned to the will of God who asked
that great sacrifice of us* . «... I cannot put into words the sorrow I feel for
Maria Teresa, but I think, as it comes from God, how can we be so upset
because He takes back what is His own? Besides, would it not be against
81
humility or spiritual poverty to be overcome by this sorrow?* «May God
accept all these sorrows in payment for my sins and in thanksgiving for the
Congregation which is being tried in so many ways; and if convenient, let there
be no more deaths; pray for that* 82 .
76
Circular letter at time of her death. Cf. Fidetidad Divina I, no.10.
77
Letter to M. Pilar.
78
Letter from M. Pilar to M. Sacred Heart, 27th February 1890.
79
Letter, undated; probably written at beginning of March.
80
Letter lo M. Pilar, 15th March 1890.
81
Letter to M. Purisima, 8th March 1890.
82
Letter to M. Ma. del Carmen Aranda, 25-26 February 1890.
«... To purify the soul...*
«In difficult times never think that you are going to live long» said M.
Sacred Heart. Now and again she was reminded by death of the shortness of
all things; but life had its demands, and it summoned her to varied and
inescapable duties.
However much she fixed her gaze «on that which is unchanging* she
was far from falling into the danger of fatalism or into any kind of spiritual
alienation. She accepted with love that will of God which asked at times for
separation from dearly loved persons; but she showed great interest in
preserving health and life, which she saw as precious gifts of God to be used
in His service. M. Sacred Heart showed her concern, and surprisingly on many
occasions, together with very «spiritual* advice, she earnestly commends things
prosaic as good, sufficient food. «For the love of God, be docile, eat very well,
even if you have no appetite ...» this advice, in different words appears many
times in her letters. «When will you be convinced that it is not the body that
God wants us to sacrificc, but the spirit? But with peace and joy* 83 «God
does not ask of us to go about with bodily ills, but as we live our common,
ordinary life, let us be martyrs in our hearts, teaching others to practice virtues;
the greater and more hidden, the better. I do not like that path you are
dragging yourself along now; rather the one before, when you were plump,
energetic and hard-working; yes, that's it, much, very much more so* .
«Martyrs in our heart*: not in order to destroy the ability to love, but
to increase it, to make it fruitful beyond all measure for the benefit of all.
«Rather than exterior penances, these are the important ones to refine the soul
as God wants it to be in order to unite Himself to us*, she wrote on one
occasion to a Religious who was finding difficulties in living together in
community85. Delicate human feelings were contained in a soul so «purified»
and so well-versed in love of God and of people as can be seen in the following
lines: «1 wrote in a great hurry the other day and I did not ask you why you
wanted to cry, and I would like to know... Are you feeling depressed? Tell mc
why*86.
At the time of Maria Teresa Tabernero's death, M. Maria del Salvador

was negotiating the foundation in Cadiz. M. General gave advice from Madrid,
while giving great freedom of action to the one she had commissioned for the
M letter to M. Consolaci6n» October 1887.

£4
Letter to Maria del Salvador, April 1888.
85 Letter to M. Invencion de la Santa Cruz, Autumn 1889.
o/r
Letter to M. Maria del Salvador, 28th March 1890.
304 Part three: 1887-1893
business: «With regard to the house, you will see the most suitable one; you
know that for us the site is the most important; but ask for advice and consider
everything well, then act freely. If it is the house in Doblones, take care that the
Chapel is not placed in the basement; that would be out of place. Although I
want you to ask the Fathers' advice, I also want you to consider what would be
most suitable for the Congregation... I want His Lordship to be informed of the
site of the Chapel so as to avoid any unpleasantness later on... Speak very
clearly to Him so that we shall not be sorry afterwards,,, Don't get worried
about all that I am saying; follow it discreetly when you can. Do not rush into
anything; think it all out before God and move very slowly»87.
A few days later she wrote again to M. Maria del Salvador encouraging
her in the troubles and hesitations connected with the foundation in Cadiz. It
seems that the previous letter gave the Sister in charge of the business the
impression that M. General was not interested in it. She wrote as follows to
remove thk idea:
«I have never been discouraged about the foundation in Cadiz, quite

the opposite ... for you know how much 1 long to see Our Lord adored
everywhere. But as I received your letter and saw that the Bishop
might be prejudiced against us I was afraid of some trouble similar to
the one we have here, so I sent the telegram and the letter speaking
about the same matter. You are there in the midst of things, and can
hear everything; do what seems best to you before God, and although
you let me know everything, do not wait for my reply before acting,
because letters take so long, and by the time I reply the scene has
changed completely, and my opinion is useless. So, now you know:
begin firmly, without fear, as if you could hear me and I am approving
everything... I repeat, in this, in your visits and journeys to Puerto, in
all that you are advised or think you should do, act in complete liberty
If only she, as General, could have enjoyed even one half of that
liberty, that freedom which she gave to the persons whom she entrusted with
a mission ...
Her manner of speaking to Maria del Salvador reveals the tact with
which she dealt with persons of different temperament; Maria del Salvador
became very shy and diffident when she noticed the least mistrust, but she was
very useful when she saw that her gifts were esteemed by others.
87
88
The foundation in Cadiz was settled soon afterwards; just one month
after the foregoing letter. M. Sacred Heart set out on a journey to Andalusia
towards the end of February, and after the funeral of Maria Teresa Tabernero
she went on to Cadiz and was very active, helping to prepare the house for the
inauguration of the Chapel. «We are all dusting and sweeping; and there is
plenty to do - cobwebs down to the floor - but everything is looking brighter,
everything clean and beautiful...* 89 «... This country is very good, and there
are some very charming people here ...»<X) Undoubtedly she liked Cadiz, the
whole of that little town, open so widely to the ocean. Indeed, some months
later she wrote one of her most beautiful paragraphs in connection with the
sea. She addressed it to a religious destined for the new foundation:
«I can imagine how pleased you must have been with the sight of
the sea 91 . What omnipotence of God! What joy to have such a great
God! And we are to possess this immense God completely for all
eternity, and now we possess Him in the Blessed Saerament and He
comes into our heart every day. This indeed is a fathomless sea» 92 .
89 Letter to Maria del Carmen Aranda, 6th March 1890.

90
Ibid. 10th March 1890.
91
In the original M.S. Heart mistakenly wrote 'pleasingly".
91
Letter to M. Maria de la Paz, November 1890.
Chapter HI
A HAPPY VENTURE AND A BITTER RETURN
Universal like the Church
At the end of April 1890, one month after establishing the first
community of Handmaids in Cadiz, M. Sacred Heart asked the Assistants for
their opinion about the project of a foundation in Rome, and she called them
to a meeting in Madrid. M. Pilar asked to be excused from the meeting for
domestic reasons as well as the reasons behind her usual attitude towards the
government: «... Do not expect me to conform, God knows that I cannot when
I look at Him. Neither can I lend my hand to any business that you may want
to do, because I do not see things as you do, and I cannot help that*1. Two
days later, on receiving a letter from M. Sacrcd Heart telling her to join the
others in Madrid, she wrote again: «I received your letter a few moments ago,
and you will receive one from me today giving you the reasons, very good ones
I think ... for not leaving the house just now. Nevertheless I am ready to leave
everything and go with a Sister*.
«M. Pilar wrote to me yesterday saying that she cannot come because
she has some business at hand concerning dowries and the entrance etc., I
already have her opinion on the principal matter; Shall I send a telegraph to
stay there?* M. General asked M. Purisima this question.
In the end M. Pilar did not attend the meeting which was held on 24th
April. The Assistants, as they had been asked, gave their opinion about the
foundation in Rome in writing. M. Pilar wrote: «I think it would be very good
to have a house in Rome, but in my opinion the Congregation is burdened with
heavy responsibilities, and is far from being able to undertake any extraordinary
expenditure*. M. San Javier saw a possible danger for the Congregation with
«its head so far away and its spirit so tender* (she was referring to the
prolonged absence of M. General during the negotiations for the foundation).
M. Maria de la Cruz saw it very advantageous to have a house, but she added:
«My spirit feels great aversion to this foundation in spite of seeing it is
reasonable*2.
M, Purisima was the most enthusiastic. In order to express her
support more clearly she changed the form which they had been given for
1
This note which M. Maria de la Cruz added to her opinion, has been taken as an indication
of her timid character.
C.3. Success but a bitter return 307
stating their opinion: instead of listing the advantages and disadvantages of the
foundation, she wrote the «advantages of founding in Rome, and the
«disadvantages of not founding in Rome*. That is, she found nothing contrary
to say about the plan.
The reasons in favour of establishing the Institute in Rome were so
weighty that they could not be rejected. Rome had been the object of the
Foundresses' desires for many years. The foundation would give the Institute
«a universal character which it does not have at present however universal may
be its spirit*; it would be a help in obtaining the «protection of someone ... who
would free us to a great extent from the conflicts through which we are passing
in the present circumstances, and would make the Bishops respect the
Constitutions*. It would be a great advantage to have a house in Rome at the
time when the definitive text was being prepared.
It was evident that the contradiction of the Bishop of Madrid gave new
vigour to the long-held desires of the Institute. They had always wanted a
foundation b Rome, but now it was absolutely necessary: «The mother house
would be directly ruled by the Sacred Congregation or by a Cardbal Protector
who would defend it and give support so that the Constitutions would not be
abused or changed*3.
The ballot took place on 28th April. «M. General had already told the
Assistants many times the projects which would be funded with the alms given
by D. Fulgencio Tabernero, and so, knowing that the foundation would not be
a burden on the Congregation, they gave their votes. Four votes were in
favour, one was against*4. The following day «M. General, through the
Secretary, asked MM. Purisima, Maria de la Cruz and San Javier if they
thought it would be advisable to close the house of St. Joseph; all three
answered that they did not thrnk it should be closed*5.
On the day the meeting ended M. Sacred Heart wanted to let her
sister know all that had been decided: «We all had very much b m b d
everything you told me in your letters, yet God wanted that the voting should
be b favour of the foundation in Rome... So now we have to think of who
should go. If you like, you could go with M. Maria de la Cruz or Maria del
Salvador for the moment; let me know at once what you decide; it rests with
you; but it must be soon* 6 . We do not have the answer to this letter, but we
do know the reply which Fr. Urriburu gave when M. Pilar consulted him on
the subject: «About going to Rome, I think if you are not told to go, and it is
3
The sentence between inverted commas are from the opinions of the assistants.
4
Minutes of the Meetings p. 40-41.
5
Ibid.
6 Letter of 29th A p r i l 1890.
308 Pari three: 1887-1893
left to your own choice, it would be better not to go; for you could do very little
in these eireumstanees. And so, it would be better for someone to go who is
more enthusiastic about the foundation* 7 . Very prudent advice, which left M.
Pilar apart from the matter.
Finally it was decided that M. General would go to Rome with M.
Maria del Salvador. On 4th May M. Sacred Heart wrote to her sister:
«Don Fulgencio had given us 1,000 duros towards the journey, and
we shall go, DV on Tuesday, Maria del Salvador and I, to see how
things are... If we are able to get permission for the foundation we
shall let you know, and then we shall decide who else has to go and
stay there. As soon as I get the permission DV I'll return at once. It
is good to keep quiet; so I haven't said anything to anybody, because
I am afraid that if the Bishop gets to know, that will be the end of
everything. M. Maria de la Cruz will stay here for a time, and all the
others in their places, so that no one will notice anything I hope that
no one will miss me, at least for a month, because I go out so much,
and no one will be surprised; and the same goes for Maria del
Salvador, because she has been away from Bilbao for some time. For
anything urgent, you four must decide; for anything not in a hurry, you
can write to mc, if you like. I'll look after everything from there* .
The decision for M. General herself to go to Rome with M. Maria del

Salvador did not please some of the Assistants, who had advised against it. But
M. Purisima thought that it was the General who should establish the
foundation. M. Maria de la Cruz must have been rather displeased, as she
makes elcar in her writings9.
It is probable that M. Saered Heart did not realise the effect her
decision could make on later events. That absence of more than three months
caused a rift between the General and the Assistants who finally gave in to
defeat under the influence of M. Pilar's outbursts.
Apart from the possible future consequences, the achievement of the
business in Rome was a success for M. Sacred Heart, because of her staunch
work and her ability to deal with different types of people. The journey and her
Stay in the centre of Catholicism also gave her a breathing space - like walking
ffO(n ft dense, heavy atmosphere into the fresh air of spring.
7
Utter of 3rd May 1890.
* Utter of 4th May 1890.
8
ChrcuUck I p. 247.
«Seeing the world revives one's zeal»
M. General and Maria del Salvador left Madrid on 6th May by a slow
train which, after a long night and the whole of the next day, would leave them
in Iran on the frontier of Spain, They could not expect more speed from those
antiquated trains which had only a few decades of experience. They travelled
in a second class carriage, optimistic and joyful. One reason for their
happiness, no doubt, was their long-standing affection, and especially the
harmony reigning betweem them at the time when M. Sacred Heart was
suffering so much through her sister's opposition.
They awoke to a cold dawn in the heart of Old Castille. It was the
month of May. The landscape seen from the train was a mixture of soft
colours, because the sun was just rising timidly. As the day advanced the day
took on more lively tones. The poppies declared their annual revolution in the
fields, bursting forth like a clarion call midst the corn and scrub, even daring
to reach up as far as the railway lines. It was a colourful feast on an immense
scene, as boundless as the horizon.
The train passed unhurriedly through Spain towards the French
frontier, and the land said farewell to the travellers as they gazed through the
windows. Green, red, grey, trees, land, flowers, plain, plateau, hillocks. Fields,
and more fields, a river, holmoaks, wheat, poppies, wheat and more wheat ...
Castilla was left behind, and Spain was gradually coming to an end.
Many worries stayed behind also. The rhythm of the train had an
enormous effect on the burdened spirit; it seemed as if the difficulties of
government were being left forgotten along the way, as if they too were bidding
farewell to M. Sacred Heart.
The letters written during the journey contained many comments, some
picturesque, some deeply spiritual. These were completed with the account
written later by M. Maria del Carmen Aranda. They wore secular clothes; they
were «certainly no fashion plates. Their dress was just the habit, the black veil
forming a kind of shawl and a simple hat» 10 . The description does not imply
excessive elegance, even though a lady's dress in those days was not so far from
a religious habit as it is today. They themselves did not imagine that they were
dressed in the height of fashion. «Who would know us? The people laugh at
us, and we laugh even more», said M. Sacred Heart, speaking of some ladies
who wished to travel with them. «We have had some adventures; but nothing
serious, thank God. Some charitable ladies could not make us out because of
our disguise, and we did all we could to get away from themw11. Surely, M.
10
M.Ma. DEL CARMEN ARANDA, History of M. Sacred Hear! I p. 34.
11
Letter, 8th May 1890 from Pau.
310 Pari three: 1887-1893
Maria del Salvador, with her usual sharpness, invented some stories explaining
who they were, and where they camc from. She had a special gift for making
a comedy out of the ordinary events of life, especially if her natural wit met the
ears of someone else; just as it did with M. G e n e r i .
They passed through Alava and Guiptizcoa in the afternoon of 7th.
Here and there among the green hills were small villages with houses grouped
around the parish Church. So many bell towers, so many Churches «as close
as the fingers on a hand», said M. Sacred Heart, deeply impressed 12 .
Towards evening they reached Irun. The sunset over Spanish soil was touching
at that moment. She wrote on the following day: «You know, as wc crossed the
frontier I was sorry to leave Spain. Yes, very sorry, because I was struck by all
the good which that dear country has done for my soul and has given me
means to be able to do something for God. I prayed not to be unworthy in the
new field before me, and that the Lord may be kind to me; and I gave thanks
for all those I realize I have not thanked before* 13 .
They entered France. Both M. Sacred Heart and M. Pilar at different
times during their life, stayed in San Juan de Luz in the house of the brother
of D. Josd Antonio Ortiz Urruela. But not this time. From Bayonne they went
to Pau, and there made the only stop on their journey. They wrote their first
fetter to Madrid from Pau.
The two pilgrims had varied impressions in France. «We arc in a very
good, cheap inn. Thanks to the exchange, we arc not losing much because we
arranged it before-hand... We are travelling third class, because that is like
second in Spain, and not only do they have great respect for persons, but many
decent people are travelling ... Today we passed a very long train with foreign
pilgrims. What dresses! And how many children God has!»14 They must
have stayed in Pau until 9th, as can be deduced from the same letter: «Today -
8th May - thanks be to God, we have received Communion and heard two
Masses, and tomorrow, DV we'll do the same*. It seems it was difficult to find
a Church, and they did not like the one they found: «... Seeing the world revives
one's zeal, and even more in France on seeing so few Churches and such
horrible ones; on the other hand, in those Basque provinces ...» She was much
struck by the contrast.
Passing through a foreign country made M. Sacred Heart remember
her little knowledge of French. Indeed, she had not studied the language except
perhaps at the time of the foundation in La Coruna when she exhorted the
novices to prepare themselves for teaching and cncouraged them especially to
13
Ibid'
14 Ibid.
learn languages. She must have spoken only a few words; but she did speak a
little, for she had to settle accounts at the inn, ask about the exchange of
money, etc. Maria del Salvador knew even less. «I would like you to hear me
speaking French; I understand very well, and when something difficult happens,
my good guardian angel appears and gets me out of the difficulty*15.
The general tone of the letter is optimistic and trusting. M. Sacrcd
Heart went to Rome happily. But, although the memory of her great worries
seemed to be dormant, her concern for the Institute and her affection for cach
of its members never left her for a moment: «1 do not forget any one of you,
and 1 am praying much for you all. I recited the three parts of the Rosary
today for all and for our temporal and spiritual benefactors. ... I will not forget
you tomorrow as we go through Lourdes...» Contemplating the land as it
appeared to run in the opposite direction, and gazing with curiosity upon the
trains filled with pilgrims had caused her to desire more ardently that the
hearts of all her Nuns should be open to the entire world, that world in which
God had so many children. «Pray for them; seeing the world revives one's
zeal*.
«This holy city»
They must have travelled from Pau to Rome with only the one
necessary stop in crossing the frontier between France and Italy.
They reached Rome early in the morning of 11th May. «Today, Sunday
at half past six we reached this holy city*, she noted that with the exactness of
a historic event. «We did not see Fr. Nicolas, and we thought it better, Grst of
all, to have a wash in a decent boarding house and then go to receive Holy
Communion in St. Peter's itself, which is half a mile away* . They had been
travelling for about forty hours, but they were not feeling tired when they set
out for the Vatican along the Via Nazionale 17 . According to Maria del
Carmen Aranda: «they reached Rome very tired, but ready to receive
Communion in St. Peter's, where they went straight away, if I remember
rightly. After they had fulfilled their religious duties, and before looking for a
hotel, they had to change their disguise, and appear as Religious. So, what
could they do? In one part of that immense building, St. Peter's, there was
some huge scaffolding; they went in between the posts, and in an instant they
15
Ibid.
16
Letter to M.Maria de la Cruz, 11th May 1890.
17
The Via Nazionale was begun in the time of Pio IX by Mgr. De Merode with the idea of
linking up the railway station with the centre of Rome.
312 Part three: 1887-1893
put on their headdress, and the shawl became once again their veil; and the two
poor ladies who had gone in, come out changed into two Nuns» 18 .
The story which M. Sacred Heart told of her first impressions is a
hymn of praise of the lasting values of Rome, far beyond all the beauty which
is seen with the eyes of a tourist in the Eternal City. She had always envisaged
her Institute rooted and centred in the very heart of the Church, near the Vicar
of Christ. Now when her desires were about to be fulfilled she wanted to reach
the Vatican as soon as possible and to kiss that blessed ground, and humbly to
confess her faith. Her spirit was overflowing with joy as they walked the «half
mile» which she had calculated between the station and St. Peter's. That same
joy was poured out later quite spontaneously in her letters during those days.
«Thcre wc went, the two of us alone, with nobody taking any notice
of us, as you had feared 19 . What consolation, and what sorrow one
feels here! Extraordinary consolation for all the holy memories one
finds at every step, and sorrow at seeing the terrible destruction caused
by these modern evil people. Believe me, they are taking away the
beauty from Rome and profaning what they want to embellish. When
you see it you will agree with me. The narrow, winding streets, the
black walls give me such devotion that I would kiss them at every
step».
They must have gone along the Via Nazionale and the Corso Vittorio
Emanuele which are connected by a little street with the bridge of Sant'Angelo.
If so, the Via Nazionale and the Corso itself appeared to their eyes as
«profanations» of modern urbanization.
«Wc reached St. Peter's as calmly as it wc were in Cordova. Before

that, we passed over a bridge which has huge angels all along each
side, each angel holding one symbol of the passion; and at the end is
the Castle of Sant'Angelo.
Two huge statues of St. Peter and St. Paul stand at the beginning of
the bridge, as if opening their arms and inviting us to go along».
After going over the bridge they went along the narrow dark streets
of the Borgo. M. Sacrcd Heard thought of Cordova - surely because of the
contrast with the pure cleanliness of her native city - and she felt as if she were
at home, in the familiar atmosphere of the land of her birth. At that time the
18
M. MARIA DEL CARMEN ARANDA, op. cit. p. 94-95.
19 M. Sacred Heard addressed this letter to Maria de la Cruz.
streets of the Borgo did not give a view of St. Peter's Square; neither did the
Via della Conciliazione exist, which allows a sight of the Basilica in the distance
with its enormous cupola. They came out suddenly from one of those dark
streets lined with small workmen's houses, face to face with St. Peter's, and the
marvel of the Bernini columns was displayed before their eyes.
«Mother, what a square is St. Peter's! What a facade and vestibule!

But it all seemed as nothing to me as I went into the Temple. What
a Temple, Mother! I just had to kiss the floor when I went in, and
give thanks to God because there have been times in which He was
known and honoured in some way as He should be. May God
increase their glory; that is what I prayed.
But if I was amazed by the temple, I was no less happy when I went
to take holy water to see above that beautiful stoop, our fellow-country
woman Saint Teresa of Jesus, so beautiful and so graceful in white
marble. As lovely as if it were in wood 20
Afterwards I went to the Confession of St. Peter, that is his
sepulchre, which is, like everything else there, unspeakable ... There I
prayed for all and for each one in the Congregation, for all our friends
and benefactors, and I said to the holy Apostle that we are all his
children, and are ready to give our lives rather than cease to be so. I
don't know what I asked because so many things piled up on top of
me that I asked for everything. I think he would have been amused to
see me so foolish, but he knows where I come from. We kissed the
feet of the bronze statue at the side, for all of you also, as an act of
faith for all, as we did before at the sepulchre* .
They received Communion at a side chapel in the Basilica. There was

a sung Mass, and M. Sacred Heart was enraptured because of her love for
music and for the dignity of worship: «The music, just like everything there.
What voices! In fact worthy of the One who is all worthy*.
As that was the first day after such a long journey they could retire
satisfied to the guest house they had found: «a private house of good people,
but very dirty* - a strange comment which refers to the honesty of the owners,
and to the poverty of the house - situated in the Piazza Barberini. On the
following day, with hardly any rest, they set about the busbess which had
brought them to the «holy city*.
With this comment Mother reveals her origin.

21
Letter to M. Maria de la Cruz, 11 May 1890.
314 Pari three: 1887-1893
M. Sacrcd Heart wrote: «My idea is just the same: ask for the
permission first of all, and in the meantime, get to know this
place» 22 .
«It seems impossible that we are going to see

Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament exposed here»
To obtain permission for a foundation and to get to know Rome so as

to find a suitable house meant much going and coming - many conversations
with all kinds of people. They did not skimp in any detail. First of all they
went to see Fr. Enrique Pdre?,, the General Procurator of the Augustinians,
who had taken the place of Fr. Manuel Martinez. This Religious made the
matter his own, and his enthusiasm for the Handmaids spread to the other
Brothers who were living with him. «Fr. Enrique, is doing everything he can
for us; and the Brothers are quite "mad", making novenas for us to find a good
house. He is so kind; he has the face of a saint. You cannot imagine it...»23
In Rome they also met the Society of Jesus - how could they not do
so? - represented in this case by Fr. Cecilio Rodeles. He had known them
before in Madrid and Bilbao, and the Handmaids needed no recommendation
for him. On 14th May M. Sacred Heart wrote: «We are still incognito because
the Cardinal Vicar is in Albano, his diocese, and we cannot hand in the petition
until Friday».
Their ignorance of Italian was doubtless a difficulty for the two
Mothers who had just arrived in Rome. But M. Sacred Heart had such great
interest that within three days she said she was able to speak haltingly a little
and to understand fairly well. Although it is possible that her few words in
Italian were understood more by her actions than by her correct pronunciation,
this progress does indicate a certain ease with the language. On 14th she
wrote: «We have seen Fr. Rodeles several times, but... he has not even said he
can hear our confessions; so tomorrow DV we shall go to the Gcsu and to
confession in Italian; we can manage a bit, and we understand even more». The
confession on 15th four days after their arrival must have been worth listening
to...
On 16th May Fr. Enrique presented to the Cardinal Vicar of Rome the
petition for a foundation.
23
Letter to Maria del Carmen. 14th May 1890.
«When the Father gave it to him, he told him what it was, and
although he took it, he said that this was not within his attributes, and
that it would have to go to the Holy Father. Afterwards, to make
sure, he went to see Mgr. Boccafoglia, who confirmed that, and said
it would go through, so that tomorrow, DV it will be presented by one
of the Monsignori who live in the same house as Fr. Enrique; and
although we are trusting blindly, we are a little bit on edge until wc
see the result. But as I believe that Our Lord has brought us here, He
will settle everything favourably* 24 .
Fr. Enrique himself advised them to make enquiries about a Church

in the Via Condotti. At that time it was owned by a Spanish community of
Trinitarians who lived in the convent next to the Church. «Although it seems
impossible, we are thinking of trying with all our heart to obtain it, and with
God's help wc arc getting on. This was the idea of Fr. Enrique and the
Brothers. I have been to see it and I am delighted with the site and the size,
which is so suitable for us». The site could not have been more central, and
the thought of establishing a community there amidst the bustle of the city,
filled them with enthusiasm, and made all obstacles seem easy. «It seems
impossible that we are going to see Our Lord exposed here in the Blessed
Saerament. What a joy!»
«Here wc are very peaceful, surrounded with kindness, and not
experiencing up till now any of the things you feared*, wrote M. Sacred Heart
on 18th May to M. Maria de la Cruz. (This poor woman was always living in
fear of catastrophes brought about by wicked governments; and it seems she
imagined the streets of Rome invaded by hordes of Garibaldi's troops).
«I am as calm here as I could be in Cordova or Madrid; thanks be to
God. I think of you so much! You would enjoy it so much if you could see
these beautiful Churches* 26 .
Mazzella, Protector: «Yes, the Jesuit Cardinal, that one...»
At the time of writing the previous letter, the Pope had been asked for
permission for the foundation. The petition was handed in on 17th May, and
M. Sacred Heart visited Cardinal Mazzella to get him interested in the business
and help to hasten the process. It was the first time she had seen the Jesuit
24
Letter to M. Purisima, I6th May 1890.
25
Ibid.
26
Letter to M. Maria de la Cruz, 18th May 1890.
316 Part three: 1887-1893
Cardinal; but, encouraged by Fr. Rodeles, she was daring enough to ask him
to be Protector of the Institute. Cardinal Mazzella agreed. Two days later M.
Sacred Heart sent a petition to the Holy Father asking for the appointment.
«God is leading us by the hand, Mother; His providence is palpable. We shall
never be able to repay God as we should, even if we were for ever prostrate
giving thanks* 27 .
While she was in Rome M. General took good care to let the
Assistants have all the details about the foundation. With great tact she tried
to address her letters alternately to M. Purisima, M. Maria de la Cruz and M.
Maria del Carmen. She was always waiting to hear from M. Pilar, for she had
received no answer to her letter announcing the journey to Rome. After some
days in the city, with her business increasing, she had little time to write at
length. «... read all the letters I send to the others*, she wrote to M. Maria del
Carmen as Secretary, «and give the news to everyone who ought to know,
because I cannot write too much. You will receive the questions from the
other houses, and tell them all that you know... That news I am sending to M.
Maria de la Cruz should be given to the General Assistants, and I would like
the Superior to know too...* .
M. Sacred Heart was hoping for help and advice from the Cardinal for
any difficulty in the Institute, and her hopes were well-founded, for thanks to
his good intervention the troubles in the houses in St. Bernard Street were
solved. M. Maria del Carmen, Superior of that house, was no less hopeful; she
wrote to M. General one of those days: «We are hoping against hope for the
resurrection of this house, and we are offering all our devotions to Our Lady
during this month, asking her to obtain the indult from the Supreme Tribunal,
for it seems that the human Audience condemns it to death. May the Lord do
what is most for His glory...*29.
About 20th M. Sacred Heart visited the Spanish Ambassador to the
Holy See and asked his support for the business she had at hand. She wrote to
M. Purisima: «As you have seen, everything is ready now, and awaiting for God
Our Lord to deign to favour us; that is what we are praying for and we are
urging people at the same time to help us. Yesterday we saw the
Ambassador...* They took advantage of the occasion to ask him for the
Church on the Via Condotti and part of the convent next door. «If God wishes
it, what a site, and what a lovely Church to have in our hands!* The
Ambassador did not give them much hope, but neither did he think it
impossible to obtain it, and he sent them away promising a reply within a few
27
Ibid.
28
29
Letter of 18th day 1890, «This ncws», referred to the Cardinal Protector.
days. On 24th May M. Sacred Heart went again to the Embassy, but her
conversation with the Ambassador was not exactly encouraging. He offered to
help the foundation by recommending them to the Holy See, but he thought
they should accept certain conditions. M. General remained firm; rather than
yield to impositions inconsistent with ecclesiastical authority, she would prefer
to return to Spain without achieving anything.
On 30th May they received notice of the appointment of the Cardinal
Protector. M. Sacred Heart informed Spain immediately by cable. The next
day she wrote to M. Maria del Carmen Aranda: «TeIl me if the Mothers are
pleased that it is this Cardinal...» Maria del Carmen hesitated about the reply;
she regretted telling M, General that there was one significant exception to the
enthusiastic welcome given to the news: that of M. Pilar, who was in Madrid
those days.
M. Sacred Heart's absence
While M. Sacred Heart was travelling about Rome in all directions

negotiating the foundation, the Institute in Spain was following its normal
course. M. Pilar was still in La Coruna strongly rejecting everything. It was
difficult to hide it. She wrote to M. Purisima in answer to a letter from her: «...
I do not know how you can want me to go to the meetings, for I am sure that
Our Lord shortened the time of my last visit there because He saw that my
heart could not bear to be in so much contradiction with you...», she was
referring to the last General Consultors meeting held at the end of April, «and
as for you being so pleased that you are in agreement with the others, I am
sure that in that union between yourselves and with M. General that God is
present; but neither do I believe, even more clearly, that my procedure is not
reasonable (except the faults springing from my own character), for it is based
on solid, true piety, and with my eyes on God I cannot honestly act in any other
way...*30
Without a miracle it was impossible for M. Pilar to change her
attitude; still less as she had made it a question of conscience when asking
advice of Fr. UrrSburu. We can see clearly from his answers how M. Pilar
tried to overcome her outbursts, which she called ^faults springing from my
own character*; but she did not acknowledge that her posture was
fundamentally mistaken. In one of his letters Fr. Urraburu encouraged her
with God's grace «to tame the lively horse* which the Lord had given her «for
the practice of many virtues, so that by riding on it and using bridle and spurs
57 Letter of 10th June 1890.

318 Part three: 1887-1893
as needed she could reach the height of perfection, and from there, heaven* 31
It seems that M. Pilar had spoken to him about resigning from the post of
Assistant, and had even suggested the possibility of going to another Institute
if she still felt the same about the progress of affairs. Fr. Urriburu replied: «It
is good to try voluntarily, in a spirit of humility and in order to have more care
for the good of your soul, to be relieved of posts of importance; but if this is
not granted, you must bear the cross, trusting in God and always trying to
correspond to his grace which will never fail. You must not even think about
going to another Order, but sanctify yourself in your own vocation* 32 .
In M. Purisima's opinion, the other Assistants were united among
themselves and with M. General - at least according to what she said at this
time to M. Pilar. This statement could perhaps be doubted if we looked at
some of the letters written then. Not all of them had thought it a good idea
that M. Sacred Heart should go herself to Rome for the foundation; and they
had different reasons for their opinion. M. San Javier saw the danger that the
Institute would be left abandoned in the critical times they were then
experiencing; critical, not only on account of the attitude of the Bishop of
Madrid, but also because of the situation of M. Pilar. At the end of the
previous year M. San Javier answered a letter from M. General giving the
following reasons: «... In order to give you my opinion which you ask for I must
say for a start that even knowing M. Pilar's great gifts, I think that for some
time in her lack of serenity she has been seeing things otherwise than as they
are. She is prejudiced, and so she mistrusts everything, and she rejects what
she herself would do and support in normal circumstances, perhaps even more
decidedly. So I cannot form an idea or give an opinion about her ideas and
desires, for she even contradicts herself at times. I see that the Congregation
is in one of those critical periods of growth and development, and there is
much that is imperfect and incomplete, yet the very mistakes which are made
give useful lessons and experience* 33 .
M. San Javier saw the Congregation going through a critical period,
and M. Sacred Heart should not be absent. From which we may gather that,
at least at that time she considered she was playing a decisive part in the life
of the Institute.
Let us now look at the situation of M. Maria de la Cruz. For some
time she had held opinions contrary to those of M. Sacred Heart regarding
foundations and spending in general. On this she agreed with M. Pilar who
was not particularly fond of M. Maria dc la Cruz whose good common sense
31
32
Ibid.
33
U t t e r written in November 1889.
was very limited, very provincial. Yet, in spite of their differences of

temperament and up-bringing, they were sometimes in agreement in their ideas
on the administration. M. Maria de la Cruz wrote to M. Pilar: «I, like you, am
very worried about spending the capitals, and I never agree to new expenses if
I know in time; I knew about the foundation and rent in St. Bernard Street
when it was too late ... I have no faith, although it may be reasonable, but I
am not sure if it is, and it makes me suffer a lot, because they think 1 am
stubborn and simple* 34 . When she said «I have no faith» she was copying
one of M. Pilar's expressions when she was refusing to cooperate with M.
Sacrcd Heart in managing the finances. When she said she was considered to
be «simple» she was not far wrong (even though she did not sound very
convinced). M. Maria dc la Cruz was one of those people we often meet: one
of those who, when overwhelmed by a task beyond their scope, easily blame
others for being unable to cope. M. Maria de la Cruz showed this tendency in
the simplest way: always lamenting that she had not been informed.
Besides the financial question, M. Maria de la Cruz had another point
which came between her and M. Sacrcd Heart and gave her reason to
communicate with M. Pilar: «As always, I share my trouble with Fr. Molina
and with you; and I don't want it to go further. You know my intention, and
I know that you believe me, because you know me, and that is a help for me
too ... It seems to me that Mother does not trust me...* (M. Maria de la Cruz
had not understood some gentle remonstrance which M. General had given to
her). Some scntcnces in a letter from Rome give a very good idea of what we
are saying: «... I am afraid of displeasing you*, M. Sacred Heart wrote to
M.Maria de la Cruz. «I notice from your letter you seem rather withdrawn;
but do bear with me until Our Lord takes away my cross from you, which is
especially heavy for you because God permits that I cannot make myself
understood...* 3
In reality, within the General Council M. Maria dc la Cruz was the
point at which an opening could easily be made for disunion. M. Purisima's
statement about union and perfect accord among the Assistants, excepting M.
Pilar, was very doubtful. Yet the most ambiguous one was M. Purisima. Her
relations with M. General and the other Assistants deserve a detailed analysis,
but we shall only mention the outstanding points in this connection. She always
showed herself to be very united to M. General. She earnestly supported the
project of the foundation in the centre of Madrid, and the steps taken to bring
it about. She warmly defended, not only the foundation in Rome, but also M.
Sacred Heart's journey for that purpose. With regard to M. Pilar, her conduct
34
35
320 Part three: 1887-1893
was very complex. On the one hand she was sweet and friendly towards her
yet she spoke about M. Pilar rather harshly to M. Sacred Heart.
With regard to the expansion of the Institute, at this time M. Purisima
adopted M. Sacred Heart's ideas. Even more, she greatly exaggerated them.
Because the General, even if only on account of the special circumstances of
the time, was far from saying, even in fun, what M. Purisima said: «... I
proposed five foundations now with only three Sisters in each: Mexico,
Ecuador, London, Berlin and the one that is started...* She expressed this
exaggerated desire in a letter to M. Sacred Heart in which she also spoke about
M. Maria de la Cruz: «Last night M. Maria de la Cruz departed. I am sorry
she went, because she seemed another person, her soul had enlarged so much.
She was even speaking joyfully about foundations, and marvelling at God who
is leading us, seeing that it is God who is urging us on. In Cordova 36 there
is a very timid spirit...; it seems they are saying that M. Maria del Salvador and
I would like to be running round the world until we reach the walls at the end
of the world* 37 Then she added what we have already quoted about the five
foundations; and then she continued: «This was in recreation, I was with them
for some time, and I told them some things about M. Barat who once had
twenty-two Bishops against her, and the Pope had to form a council of ten
Cardinals to pronounce judgement. That is why the French increase, because
they are afraid of nothing. She (M. Maria de la Cruz) laughed, and said for
herself that she did not want to die where she did not understand enough to
go to confession; but she did not get depressed as at the beginning*. The story
about M. Barat and her contest with twenty Bishops suits M. Purisima very
well, because she tended in her imagination to see life in heroic size, although
in reality she did not have the strength for titanic struggles. It is also a true
picture of M. Maria de la Cruz, little given to adventure, and with her sense of
humour, capable of rendering into prose the epic poem pronounced by M.
Purisima. In any case, the Superior of Cordova, aware of the influence of the
Mistress of Novices, did not return to her town as much transformed as would
have appeared from saying that «she seemed another person*. In fact, she
wrote shortly after to M. Pilar: «I returned from Madrid not long ago, where
I spent some very sad days...*38
On 31st May when M. Sacred Heart wrote to M. Maria del Carmen,

she said: «M. Pilar has not written me a word since I came. But what can she
say?* She did not imagine that M. Pilar was in Madrid at that time.
36
37
M. Maria de la Cruz was superior of this community.
U t t e r of 22nd May 1890.
She had arrived unexpectedly with a postulant from Galicia. She wrote
to her sister from Madrid saying that she had come away from La Coruna in
order to avoid seeing the Archbishop of Santiago who was there during those
days. «Here I am running away from the Archbishop who is in La Coruna.
In order not to make him suspicious, as I did not want to leave the house until
he was in La Coruna, I paid him a visit, in fear and trembling; but God was in
favour of my idea, and he was in a meeting with the priests...; so then I spoke
to the attendant and sent my greeting, and I think I left everything in a good
light. Even if he does go to visit our house he will not question them about
anything*39. By making this journey M. Pilar was trying to avoid the
possibility of the Bishop wanting to make the Canonical Visitation. She was
probably thinking of the failure of her negotiations with the Bishop of Madrid
some years before. She had changed her strategy; instead of a direct interview,
M. Pilar now preferred a discreet disappearance. And this time she succeeded.
The Archbishop did not visit the house.
Her arrival in Madrid was a great surprise for the Assistants; one
reason being the fact that the letter announcing her arrival reached them on
the same day as she did. M. Purisima hastened to give the news to M.
General: «This morning, without a word to me, M. Pilar appeared here with
the postulant... She is the same as always... what she says seems stranger than
ever to me... Now she wants to cease being Assistant because of the
responsibility when there is a Cardinal Protector; for she would never inform
against the Congregation, yet to hide her situation from anyone who has the
right to know it, would also be against her conscience... She told San Javier
before this that we Assistants do not know our doctrine; only she does; and the
seventh commandment is not to steal... I asked what she had meant by this, and
I was told that the Congregation is very near ruin, and how will the Sisters'
dowries be returned to them if the money has been spent? May God help
her...* 40 The next day M. San Javier commented on the same topic, and her
words expressed sympathy for M. Pilar mixed with some sadness: «...her arrival
filled us with joy, and we rejoiced a lot; she is always stating the same ideas,
and she fills us with sadness to hear them. I don't know why we are so pleased
when we see her! What she wants most of all now is that we should intercede
with you to remove her from the post of Assistant ...»41
Just two days after M. Pilar's arrival in Madrid a telegram from M.
General reached Spain announcing the appointment of a Cardinal Protector.
«His election was accepted very well by all the Assistants, except M. Pilar - (M.
39
Lelter of 30th May 1890.
40
41
U t t e r to M. Sacred Heart, 29th May 1890.
322 Pott three: 1887-1893
Maria del Carmen Aranda wrote later) - she disapproved (as in everything),
saying.that the Institute would lose its freedom. As I was doubtful if I should
let M. General know M. Pilar's opinion, I asked M. Purisima who was the very
best one for me to ask. She wrote to me as follows: "... I think the hest
prudence is to have no prudence ... I wrote to M. General and told her
everything; I think you should do the same: tell her everything"*42.
Three days after M. Purisima had written to M. Sacred Heart telling
her of M. Pilar's arrival, she wrote again to Rome speaking about M. Pilar's
attitude, stressing the negative aspect of the question so much that it seemed
she had forgotten that the foundresses were also sisters. «Now, about M.Pilar.
She is the same as ever, and worse because she has put on a cloak of sweetness
and self-control that makes her seem even more strange. I do not think you
should be absent from Spain for any length of time without leaving someone
in charge who can really control her. That is, if the General is not here I do
not think that M. Pilar can have the post of Assistant. She wants to be
removed, and she asserts that Our Lord wants her hidden; I think that she
would never be greater than if she learned to be little*. M. Purisima added
that in every conversation M. Pilar revealed «heaps of silly ideas and much
confusion through which could be seen the devil's claws*. She ended by saying
that she had always seen the problem clearly, even in the days when she was
in Rome with M. Pilar, and she was afraid that «before the tribunal of God she
would seem a coward* because she had not faced up to her then 43 .
It is not easy to affirm with any certainty how far M. Pilar was aware
of the harsh judgements made about her conduct. For instance, could she ever
have imagined that when writing to Maria del Carmen Aranda, M. Purisima
would say: «Laugh at everything... God allows it to confound the ideas of that
Mother, that she herself may sink and plunge where no one would have dared
to plunge or sink her?* The peaceful way in which it seems M. Purisima was
thinking of assisting the personal ruin of M. Pilar has no excuse, even bearing
in mind what she wrote immediately afterwards in that same letter: «because
God has decided to make her great, and that soul really becomes great when
it becomes small*44.
It is probable that even when M. Purisima rejected M. Pilar's
complaints, she acted so obsequiously towards her that M. Pilar did not realize
the effect she was having on her. The correspondence between the two
42
M. MARIA DEL CARMEN ARANDA, op. cit I, p. 105-106. At this time and for some time
afterwards Ma. de! Carmen was captrvated by M. Purisima's ideas.
43
Letter to M. Sacred Heart, 31st May 1890.
44 Letter of 31st May 1890.
Assistants at this time confirms this 45 .

One week after her arrival M. Pilar left Madrid for La Coruna. The
journey was long enough for her to remember all her conversations with the
Assistants. When she arrived at her destination she wrote to M. Purisima
saying she was sorry: «During the whole journey I was thinking and feeling
sorry for making you suffer. What a nightmare, and what a difficult life! Oh,
may there be nothing in it against God, for then I could accept it perfectly;
rather, may He fulfil his plans in me, that I may be saintly, although I may hate
it, and be a saint at the same time!* 46 She surely did not suspect that M.
Purisima wrote that very same day summing up the problem in one statement:
«(M. Pilar) seems to keep to her ideas more firmly than ever, and when one
speaks sincerely to her, letting her see the way we should look at things she
becomes sad and so distressed that one feels sorry for her, but she is not
convinced, and one cannot make her see religious life through the prism of
faith* 47 .
The foundation in Rome accepted

by His Holiness
M. Sacred Heart continued her efforts to obtain the Church and part
of the convent in the Via Condotti, although her hopes were diminishing on
account of the Ambassador's opposition. «Would St. Mary Major be a good
site if we cannot get the Condotti?* she wrote on 25th May. «A convent and
its Church are for sale there, perhaps for little. I would like to be near the
Gesu, and there is a lovely house for sale. But I always have my eyes on the
Trinitarians. It is a beautiful site, and very busy, which is what I like * . In
her long walks through Rome she had come to know many parts of the city,
and was much attracted by the many young people she saw about the streets,
besides esteeming highly the historic and religious remains about her. «There
are so many good-looking young girls in Rome*, and she saw them already as
Handmaids, or at least taking part in prayer before the Eucharist in a beautiful,
well-filled Church. Through necessity she had learned to express herself in
Italian, in a style which had little to do with the classics; she never lost the
desire to know it well, and to speak correctly and to write. She realised the
need for this, and she looked for a teacher to give her lessons. They made
45
See letters of 10th October 1889; 24th January 1889; 14th May 1890.
46
5th June 1890.
47
Letter to M. Sacred Heart, 5th June 1890.
48
U t t e r to M. Maria del Carmen Aranda, 22nd June 1890.
324 Part three: 1887-1893
rapid progress, because Maria del Salvador, always ready for some fun, wrote
to M. Maria del Carmen in Italian: «Why have you not answered my letter, O
Signora? Because you must have received the one I wrote when we
arrived...*49 She continued with a few more words in Italian, then went on
in Spanish: «You see, dear Mother, my progress; translate this, and you will see
the delicate thoughts contained in these few lines...* Maria del Salvador can
hardly be blamed if her Italian was not as correct as that of Manzoni, because
she did not write Spanish exactly as an academic. Some time later M. Sacred
Heart wrote: «We still have our Italian teacher, who is very good; I'll write a
few words in another letter; I have no time now*. Her conversations with
different kinds of people had increased her interest in languages. «I want you
to learn French properly. D. Rodriguez or those from Le6n could give you a
lesson twice a week; it is as necessary as eating* 50 . One month later she
asked M. Maria del Carmen: «How is the French going?*
At the end of May they rented a flat. «We have taken it for six weeks
only, to see if we can buy something in the meantime; there are many good
places going at the moment. I don't think we shall get the one in Condotti, but
there is another magnificent place opposite the Roman College, St. Martha; we
are going after that. And next to the German College there is another,
standing by itself, near Fr. Rodeles. But nothing can be done at once, so wc
have taken this flat, so as not to be wandering about ... As soon as we have
permission for the foundation, I shall ask if we can have Mass, and then we
shall not have to go out so much...* 51 The flat was in No. 48 Via Firenze.
The beginning of June was a very busy time negotiating permission for
the foundation. «... Here we are trying to get the permission. This is just like
the business with the house of St. Joseph; we go from one person to another,
and never finish. The Cardinal Vicar does not want it, but he does not dare
to say no. Rampolla is very kind, but he is upset because he was not asked to
be Protector... The Protector is agreeable, but as the Ambassador is also in the
affair, His Eminence cannot go forward* 52 . Even if Cardinal Rampolla was
sorry about the appointment of Mazzella as Protector of the Institute, he never
failed to help when he could. This was all the more praiseworthy considering
the important post held by the one-time Nuncio in Madrid. M. Sacred Heart
had great affection for him, and even more confidence than for Cardinal
Mazzella, as can be seen from a letter written at that time: «... I was thinking
of how easy it would be for me to speak to him, and how difficult with
49 «... I will not continue with more reproaches which perhaps you do not deserve*.
50
51
Letter to M. Maria del Carmen Aranda, 18th May 1890.
Letter to M. Purisima, 29th May 1890.
52 Ibid. 14th June 1890.
Mazzella, who is more serious, and rather awe-inspiring»53. It is only right

to add that the Protector always fulfilled his function well, and his serious
demeanour was united to great friendliness which M. Saered Heart justly
appreciated from the beginning.
On 2nd June, on the advice of the two Cardinals, Mother visited the
Vicar of Rome. She knew that the Society of Jesus was highly regarded in
some circles, so she asked Fr. Cecilio Rodeles to go with her. In their
conversation they learned that the Cardinal was prejudiced against the
foundation. «We are now in our lovely house awaiting the Lord's will, which we
trust will be favourable... You will see how many lovely Roman girls will enter...
I hope that at least we shall have Mass by the feast of the Sacred Heart», she
wrote on 5th June. Then in a burst of optimism: «We are going slowly, slowly,
working on everyone, and ourselves, firmly; afterwards we have to go to Naples^
and to Vitoria and to Germany; our Cardinal's brother is Archbishop there,
and he has to take us* 54 . On receiving this letter, M. Purisima answered in
triumphal rather than optimistic tones: «So a brother of our Cardinal is
Archbishop in Germany? And, so we are going there. I do not need money;
what 1 want is to gather up all those I can rob as we go along55, so as to
make some return to Providence; I do not want anything else; that is the best
bank». She made a comment referring to M. Pilar and to M. Maria de la Cruz:
«I am afraid that Leandra may get entangled with the one from Cordova 56 ,
but if you arc coming soon, there is nothing to worry about» 57 .
On 9th June, Cardinal Mazzella had an audience with the Pope, Leo
X m , who admitted the foundation without any conditions. Mother wrote in the
same day: «The Heart of Jesus has triumphed in Rome. At two-thirty today,
in all the heat, Fr. Rodeles came, overflowing with joy, to tell us, in the name
of our Cardinal Protector, that the foundation is accepted in Rome by His
Holiness... You can imagine our joy...» The letter gave full details, as is usual
when recounting a fact of historic importance. First of all the news, and its
interpretation, then all the accompanying details, giving an idea of their state
of mind before and after the good news: «We were in the Church of St. Claud
with the Blessed Sacrament exposed, as it always is there. Fr. Nicholas came
to call us without saying why, and we hurried out... We flew to Fr. Enrique's
house, trembling, and I was thinking: "This is nothing; probably has to do with
53
Ibid. 29th May 1890.
54
55
Refers to possible vocations.
56 Leandra was one of M. Pilar's baptismal names, used by them all when speaking figuratively
or in code. The one from Cordova was M. Maria de la Cruz.
326 Pari three: 1887-1893
our passport for Spain". Wc arrived, and the two priests came down, trying to
hide their joy, and gave us the news. Fr. Rodeies said that after lunch His
Eminence was waiting for him in a corridor, and as he passed he beckoned to
him, looking very pleased, and told him» 5S .
M. Sacred Heart commented: «Isn't God good to mc; I who have no
gifts or talents for winning over people. God has taken this upon Himself, and
He has done it as no one, however wise, could have done it so promptly or so
well. May He be blessed a thousand, thousand times. Then you say that I
have faith. How could I not, seeing this fatherly providencc of God?» 9 .
The joy brought by the news did not make M. Sacred Heart forget the
gratitude due to God and to men. She went back from Fr. Enrique's house
with M. Ma. del Salvador to the Church of St. Claud to thank our Lord, and
from there she went to Cardinal Mazzella's house. He told them all the details
of the audicnce with the Holy Father. Leo XIII told Mazzella to let the
Cardinal Vicar know of his decision and to suggest to M. General the purchase
of a house in Piazza di Spagna, worth about 40,000 duros. From there they
went to the Spanish Embassy, becausc the Cardinal wanted the Ambassador to
know as soon as possible.
It was a very busy afternoon, as can be seen, with the steps as many
as the words. Via Firenze - St. Claud's - Via Sistina - St. Claud's - German
College - Spanish Embassy - Via Firenze. «Our feet arc sore with so much
walking*, M. Sacred Heart said in one of her letters. And that day all their
walking was in the centre of Rome.
The Ambassador still attempted to halt the foundation with a series of
conditions: the Institute must dcclare the resources it had and assure the
Consul that they had sufficient finance to maintain the house; that the Embassy
coat of arms must be placed on the front door; that the community should be
composed only of Spanish Religious... It seems incredible to us that the
Ambassador should believe that he had to supervise the foundation of a
religious house in that way. It is surprising that he should have taken so much
interest in it. M. Sacred Heart commented: «... I am still fighting with the
demon who tempted the Ambassador... But that was useless, because our
protector is a Jesuit and he received orders from the Pope, and no one can do
anything against the head. What a chain of providential acts! It is enough to
make one silly!*60 Naturally the Ambassador could do nothing against the
Pope; but thanks to his friendship with the Cardinal Vicar he could at least
delay the official despatch of the liccnce for the foundation. Those two men
58 Letter to M.Ma. del Carmen Aranda, 9th June 1890.

59
Ibid.
60
U t t e r to M. Purisima, 10th June 1890.
together also tried to impose conditions with regard to the site of the house.
They favoured the Prati di Castello, and they let M. Sacred Heart know. She
wrote to M. Ma. del Carmen: «That is very far away, and some Religious who
were there have left because they could not live there. His Eminence
(Mazzella) will not accept any conditions not in the Constitutions, and we shall
follow that» 61 . By that time the Cardinal had gained their confidence: «Our
Protector is worth a good deal; and although he is very kind, he is very well-
balanced, and wherever he plants his foot he leaves a print which cannot be
erased. He likes me to speak to him, and I make him laugh so much he shows
all his teeth; and there is my Fr. Hidalgo, always so serious with me...» This she
said on L5th June. During the Grst interviews with Mazzella, Fr. Rodeles had
acted as interpreter; now, after two weeks, they understood each other without
help from anybody. One can understand why the Cardinal laughed... listening
to that rather picturesque Italian spoken by M. Sacred Heart. In the same
letter just quoted she told of the solution of the conflict with the Vicar and the
Ambassador: «... Yesterday when Cardinal Mazzella was with His Holiness the
Cardinal Vicar was there at the same time. Then when the three were
together, our Cardinal turned the conversation, as he can do so well, so that the
Cardinal Vicar could hear, the Holy Father said: 'Nothing more; they are
coming and they are admitted without any conditions. Why should they have
conditions placed on them? What has the Ambassador to do with this?'» 62
On 18th June they received in writing the long desired permission.
«Now we can say with all our heart. Blessed by the sweet Heart of Jesus» 63 .
«As soon as I can leave them with a tabernacle,

I shall depart at once»
«Haven't you told the Mothers everything, everything that I have told
you? Please do so, for goodness' sake*. M. General wrote this to her secretary
in a letter of 20th June. «I am obliged to let them know, and I do not write
to them because I cannot, and because I have to say the same thing to them
all, and stamps are expensive... you can do it from there more economically*.
In spite of saying this, she tried as far as she could to address her letters
alternately to the General Assistants. The history of the establishment of the
Institute in Rome can be followed by glancing through that correspondence.
«The whole of Rome is for sale; but what we like is very expensive...
61
U t t e r written on 14th June 1890.
62
Letter to M. Ma. del Carmen Aranda, 15th June 1890.
328 Pari three: 1887-1893
I do not give up hope for the Condotti, although my hope is like that of
Abraham. So, I have written to Fr. Montana, to see if he can get the queen
interested®64. Fernandez Montana was the priest who suffered so much on
account of the chapel in St. Bernard Street; he was the ecclesiastical Governor
of the diocese of Madrid in 1888. A recommendation from him could be very
valuable because he was confessor to the Regent, Maria Cristina, mother of
Alfonso XTfF, M. Sacred Heart did not know which way to turn for help. She
liked everything in that Chapel, «even the chains on the doors 65 . She
considered the Church so suitable that she saw no difficulty in using the symbol
of the chains of the Trinitarian Order, giving them a meaning as a sign for the
Institute of Handmaids.
«We have become as dark as gypsies, going around these streets the
whole day. But thanks be to God, we are well and very glad to be doing
something for God* 66 . The search for a house under the Roman sun was
giving them a colour as if they were enjoying the delights of a good summer.
Of course they would have been spared walking if they had gone about the city
in a coach, or at least, in the more modest means of locomotion, the trams
pulled by mules. But they would not even think of this, or of anything else
which would have meant some expense. They went everywhere on foot, even
though «our feet have to pay afterwards for what we do not spend on
coaches* 67 . «The business with the Holy Father's house has ended amicably,
I think. But, how many steps it has cost us! Today at two-thirty Fr. Enrique
and ourselves went to the Vatican to see a Monsignor who lives high up near
heaven, and he was not in. M. Purisima who knows the distances, will
appreciate that: almost from St. Mary Major to Fr. Enrique's house, then to St.
Peter's, and as he was not there, we shall have to go back again, and two or
three times more if necessary* 68 .
«Now we have some very good houses in view, and in very good places.
One next trip is to the Via Nazionale, a beautiful site, and a good house, but
they are asking 90,000 duros for it. Yesterday I did a lot of business there,
without closing the contract; I'll not do anything until the architect sees it and
writes to Don Fulgencio about the agreement, and gives me an answer...*69
In spite of all their enquiries, it was not easy to find a building which
was suitable and at a reasonable price. The Cardinal Protector wanted them
64
65
Ibid. 14lh June 1890.
66
Letter to M. Ma. del Carmen Aranda, 22nd June 1890.
67
Ibid. 8th July 1890.
68
Ibid. 22nd June 1890.
69
Letter to M. Purisima, 23rd June 1890.
to establish the foundation at once; that is, he wanted to see a community

established in an independent house, even if it were rented. «And we are going
round looking, without stopping, because I don't want him to be displeased. It
is better to begin like this... because if we show interest the owners have
command of the situation, and either we do not buy, or they charge us double
the price» 70 . «It is not good to be in a hurry, and it takes some time for Don
Fulgencio to make the payment, I have decided with the advice of the Fathers,
of His Eminence and of Maria del Salvador, that it is better for us to rent a
small, decent little house, and live there till the business of the house is
concluded... I think it is more seemly for us to live alone and have a bit of
garden than to be in a flat in the middle of Rome; and quite an ordinary flat
would cost so much...»71
It cost M. Sacred Heart a great deal to awaken from the golden dream
of the Church in the Via Condotti. But to acquirc it would have caused many
complications72.
Following the Cardinal Protector's wishes, they finally rented a house
in the Via Principe Amedeo, and moved in on 14th July. By that time those
who were going to form the community had arrived in Rome: «My intention
here is to leave the house founded with those who are coming and Maria del
Salvador, and let them get settled little by little according to God's plans. I will
go back to Spain for some months, and do whatever God inspires. That is my
intention now, and the Cardinal Protcctor agrees; it seems right to him; he is
a Father and a good man like Fr. Urraburu». M. Sacred Heart explained her
plan to M. Pilar in these words a few days before 73 .
Naturally the foundresses of the house in Rome came from the houses
in Spain, and they left behind some places difficult to fill: M. General advised:
«Don't be sorry about the loss of those Sisters; I want every one of us to have
a heart bigger than the whole world so as to give much glory to the Sacred
Heart...» Those words might have sounded like triumphalism if she had not
ended with a mention of concord, the touchstone of all the glory that we may
give to God. The reference was all the more realistic in this case because it
hinted at positive limitations in their daily lives: «... so as to give much glory to
70
71
72 Answering M. Ma. del Carmen, Fr. Fernandez Montana said; «I would not like you to be
dependent on the Spanish government, which may protect you today, and tomorrow may put you
in the street-). U t t e r of M. Ma. del C. Aranda to M. Sacred Heart, 17th July 1890. In any case the
queen did not give a favourable reply.
73 U t t e r of 23rd July 1890.
330 Part three: I887-W3
the Sacred Heart in our union of minds and mutual tolerance* 74 .

The Chapel was inaugurated on 1st August. «As soon as I can leave
them with their Tabernacle, I'll depart at once* , M. Sacred Heart had said,
meaning that ensuring the presence of the Eucharist was the same as
establishing the house. On 1st August they had that joy; «Today at six-thirty
Our Lord was truly living in this house in Rome. His Eminence, Cardinal
Mazzella came with Fr. Rodeles and a German, and said Mass and exposed
His Divine Majesty* 76 . They had had some shocks at the last moment: «In
order not to trouble you, I did not want to let you know that we have had a
scene here with the Cardinal Vicar like the one in the house of St. Joseph, but
only for half an hour. The Vicar did not want to give permission for the
Chapel to be public, and it was opened today as private. When the Cardinal
Protector heard about that, I cannot tell you how sorry and upset he was. I
pretended to be quite satisfied, but he did not stop speaking to mc about it,
and telling me how to get the permission, because he was very sorry... And now
Fr. Rodeles has just come with everything granted: it is to be public, and all the
indulgences and graces that have been granted us may be gained, and he has
promised to come on 18th to celebrate Mass. Thanks a thousand times to the
Sacred Heart because this dear gentleman was going along the same way as the
one in Madrid...* The first day of August ended in peace, and there was still
one present awaiting them: «They have just brought me a ticket for the
Vatican, inviting all of us and two more to the Mass tomorrow in St. Peter's,
and to receive communion from the Pope. Without asking, what a great
grace...* 77
A way of salvation for the house

in the centre of Madrid
M. Sacred Heart had taken advantage of her stay in Italy to seek a way
of salvation for the house in St. Bernard Street. When she informed M. Maria
del Carmen that they had been given the licence for the foundation in Rome,
she added: «May God grant that the business of the house of St. Joseph may
have the same result; I hope so. Send me all the details quickly... briefly, but
well set out, so that I may give them to our Cardinal Protector...* 78
74
Letter to M. Preciosa Sangre, 28th June 1890.
75
Letter to M. Purisima, 3rd July 1890.
76
Letter to M. Ma. de la Cruz, 1st August 1890.
77
Ibid.
78
Maria del Carmen began her task without wasting any time. She made
a report giving all the facts about the house from before the foundation, then
all the documents from the Bishop to the Institute and vice versa about the
Chapel. The General Secretary was specially gifted for this kind of work; it all
came out well. On 25th July, just one month after receiving the letter from M.
Sacred Heart, she sent her writing to Rome. In the meantime Fr. Enrique
P6rez had begun to write the story of the vicissitudes of the house in St.
Bernard Street. When Maria del Carmen knew this, she said: «I am not sorry
that I sent you the report. I am glad because perhaps some of it may help Fr.
Enrique; and 1 am glad too that this Father is doing it, because he will say
some things more exactly than I can*79.
By the middle of July there was good hope for a solution to the
conflict. «... Yesterday I went with M. Maria del Salvador to greet our
Protector*, wrote M. Sacred Heart to Maria del Carmen on 15th, «and he
welcomed us paternally; he told me that the business of your house is on the
way; he had spoken to Cardinal Verga 80 who was surprised. He thinks it is
a good thing and soon settled. Please God. Don't speak about it more than
necessary...* Among the necessary persons to whom there was need to speak
was undoubtedly Fr. Fernandez Montana, who had been as much persecuted
as the house itself on account of the Chapel. With good reason the priest
wanted justice in a matter in which he had intervened so honourably. When
he knew that the Handmaids had a Protector he was very pleased 81 .
On 23rd July M. Sacred Heart was able to announce that a document
asking the bishop for information about the house of St. Joseph was on its way
to Madrid. The document was sent in the first place to the Superior of that
community; we do not know why.
Four days later - on 27th July - the Superior acknowledged receipt of
the document. Maria del Carmen Aranda told M. General of a conversation
with Fr. Hidalgo on that matter: «Yesterday at eight-fifteen in the morning
Father came and asked me if the Bishop knew anything yet. I said, not yet.
At first he said we would have to see how to get out of this because he would
give all his reasons, etc., etc., then he said: "Now, tell Mother that you should
claim damages, because this house was opened for Retreats etc., and the
Bishop prevented us from fulfilling our aim, and hence we received no alms,
and as we have paid 3,000 in rent, quite uselessly, we ask for compensation..."
79
" Letter to M. Sacred Heart, 26th June 1890.
SO
He was Prefect of the Sacred Congregation of Bishops and Regulars.
si
M. Ma. del Carmen tells M. Sacred Heart in a letter of 26th June 1890 that Fr. F.Montana
said: «... I am so pleased! Now surely he will do something about this, and will ask that Bishop
why he treated you so badly*.
332 Pari three: 1887-1893
and he went on in the same way, telling me to speak to you, and so I am doing
so...» It is obvious that prudence in business matters was not a strong point in
that holy man. In this case, a demand of this kind would have produced a
scandalous situation - Nuns against the Bishop! and besides, the action advised
by Fr. Hidalgo did not fit in with his first reaction on hearing that Rome asked
the Bishop for an account of past actions regarding the Chapel.
M. Maria del Carmen spoke well when she said: «... I think the Father
does not know what he is saying on this matter...* And M. Sacred Heart
rejected the advice, which confirmed her previous judgement of her spiritual
director: «I repeat once again: Fr. Hidalgo understands souls better than
anyone; but in material matters and external difficulties, he understands nothing
at all. Just listen and say nothing* 82 .
In Rome the business of the house of St. Joseph was making good
progress, but it had started at a difficult time. All the Congregations of the
Holy See were closed for a few days in September; and Cardinal Mazzella, too,
was absent. «I am only sorry that this business cannot be finished before the
Cardinal goes away, on 2nd* said M. Sacred Heart. She asked the Assistants
what would be more suitable: to stay in Rome until the Protector returned and
the reopening of the Sacred Congregations, or to go back to Spain.
On the eve of return
M. Sacred Heart left Rome for Spain on 18th August. M. Maria del
Carmen Aranda was to write later about the reason for her immediate return:
«M. General asked for advice or an opinion about staying in Rome or returning
to Spain, and although I have nothing to confirm this, yet I can state that she
realised the apprehension, displeasure and fears of the Assistants on account
of her stay in the holy city... She understood very well, and decided to return
to Spain* 3 , If M. Maria del Carmen had no facts to confirm her opinion at
the time of writing, we ourselves have some very clear ones. All during the
Summer the letters between M. Pilar and M. Sacrcd Heart had been cold, and
sometimes had revealed the opposition of M, Pilar's viewpoint with regard to
the foundation in Rome and about the personnel in the houses. In reply to M.
General's question about the need to return to Spain or the benefit of staying
in Rome, M. Pilar had said: «About your coming or staying, I answered Maria
del Carmen when she asked me; but in case you did not receive my letter, I say
that as I am not following the progress of the Congregation, I don't know if you
82
83
Letter from M. Sacred Heart to M. Ma. del Carmen, 1st August 1890.
M. Ma. DEL CARMEN ARANDA, op. cit. I, p.138.
will be needed here, or what effect it would have on the Bishop of Madrid. So,
how can I give any advice?*84 A distressing answer, indeed, but very much
in line with M. Pilar's attitude in previous months. But the surprise came from
M. Purisima. At the end of July she wrote to M. Sacred Heart saying that she
would like
«for business of the Congregation and other important matters ... if

we could be all together and make our decisions after prayer and
mortification, because it well deserves it. That is the first thing; and
the second: there are complaints and reproaches because you avoid or
keep away from the group of Assistants so as not to be contradicted
and to act on your own; and they think they are exempt from giving
their opinions now so as to avoid unpleasantness...*
The content of this admonition does not fit in at all with the tone of
the letters which had crossed the whole summer between M. General and M.
Purisima. According to that correspondence there was great trust between the
two of them. Even more: on the part of the Assistant there was an attitude of
enthusiastic collaboration, and a critical judgement on other persons less at one
with M. Sacred Heart's government. For example, M. Purisima thought that
M. Maria de la Cruz was timid, fainthearted; and she said that she wanted to
encourage her to be more active. But, above all, M. Purisima had spoken very
harshly of M. Pilar's attitude, causing by her loyalty to the General - at least
in appearance - certain confidences about her sister. How could M. Purisima
then, immediately afterwards, write the letter b which the above paragraph
appeared, revealing that she was b agreement with the Assistants in their
complabt about M. General, a complabt which was q b t c unjustified?
M. Sacred Heart wrote to M. Purisima on 8th August. One sentence
b her letter could be the reply to the foregoing: «... Until Our Lord gives me
the light that 1 am praybg for, I cannot amend, because I cannot hit the mark*.
And on 16th, the eve of her journey to Spain, she wrote more clearly to M.
Pilar of her sorrow at the b c r e a s b g distrust of the Assistants:
«... As there is no faith b me b the Congregation - 1 mean among

the Councillors - nor b my decisions, ... when 1 return we shall meet
b Bilbao or Saragossa... and there we can discuss the Sisters you need
and all the rest, and everything else which you or I want to say, and
see if we can settle things b peace, which is what matters; becausc it
is impossible to bear this situation of mine. You say that God has
84 Letter, 11th August 1890.

334 Pari three: 1887-1893
placed me here, and yet neither in words nor in deeds do you support
that, but you are always striking me... And through the ill-feeling which
is seen in you, there is spreading day by day a kind of bitterness, until
now it has become a crimc to mention my works, and we do not share
our joys as before...»
The final words give a dear idea of the situation. There is no doubt
that affection for M. General still existed in the Institute. But criticism of her
financial management, or at least comments about difficulties of this kind, had
created a subconscious feeling that something was going wrong. If we may
speak in modern terms of past events we would say that for many Handmaids
in 1890 anything said in praise of the Institute sounded like triumphalism. M.
Sacred Heart was right: they did not share their joys as in other times. There
was a pessimistic vision of the situation among the Religious, but it was
compatible with great love for M. General... and for her sister. Only by those
nearest them was the disunion between the two noticed and it grew greater
cach day.
In her historical account, M. Maria del Carmen Aranda draws a

favourable picture of M. Sacred Heart's stay in Rome:
«... In my opinion, and in that of any impartial judge, I think, she

did what no one else could have done in much more time. In the first
place, she gave the Congregation a Protector for whom it would be
difficult to find an equal: he knew our spirit, he was a lover of the
Institute and a true father. She obtained the establishment of the
Congregation in Rome, defending it from its adversaries... She
defended not only the house of St. Joseph, but the most essential aims
of the Congregation. For, as has been said, Bishop Sancha of Madrid,
had forbidden public worship of the Blessed Sacramcnt in our Chapel,
and he fought most strongly against this privilege, more than against
any other. She established the foundation in a beautiful house, on a
very good site, for a reasonable rent, bearing in mind the price of
houses in Rome. D. Fulgcncio Tabernero gave 50,000 duros for that
foundation; 20,000 is not even one half of the interest on that sum, and
there was still some over for the upkeep of that foundation. And if
30,000 was asked for the installation. Is not that amount spent in any
foundation for setting up the Chapel and then furnishing it and the
house with everything needed? But this did not count. I think that any
tribute from creaturcs is too small to reward such zeal, such
disinterestedness, such abnegation, such pure love for the Heart of
Jesus as that o f M . General, and this Sacred Heart is keeping Himself
to be her recompense***5.
As she began her journey back to Spain, M. Sacred Heart could also
weigh up her behaviour. She could not deny all that she had accomplished, but
she could doubt its effect, given the conditions of the government of the
Institute. She had the joy of having opened «a new house of reparation* - using
words so dear to her - and she had the sorrow of the contradictions which
sealed all her undertakings, from which this one had not been exempt. She had
had the hope of saving the house of St. Joseph, and she found herself obliged
to leave the solution of that business in suspense. And, finally, she had gone
to make a foundation in Rome in order to place in that house the foundation
of unity of the Institute, and she was returning in haste to Spain fully aware
that union of hearts was in danger. Paradoxes.
Throughout her long walks around the «holy city* she had become
familiar with its picturesque scenes - the goats drinking «very politely* from the
fountains in the centre of the city, the travelling salesmen, the mule-drawn
trams, the public scribes seated and carrying on their business in the middle of
the street, etc, etc, -; but above all she had been moved to the very depths of
her soul by the holy lives of the martyrs and the heroes of Christianity:
«When here one sees so many practical examples in the Saints in

Rome, one feels ashamed at realizing how little one is doing for God,
and one longs to do and to get others to do all they can with His gracc
to prove that although we are weak, we have the same nature as the
Saints, and the seed is not lost yet* 86 .
This paragraph expresses rather well her impressions of the city in

which she had spent more than four months. The example of the Saints was
not only a stimulus to do great fhingc for God, but also the source of
tremendous peace. In the light of their lives she saw elearly the insignificance
of all human difficulties ... «While we live, we must not cease to fight*, said M.
Saered Heart b one of her letters from Rome 87 . «This afternoon 1 was
thinkbg of that b the Gesii... and I remembered St. Ignatius of Loyola at the
beginning. And now, what does the past matter to him if he sees the great
glory given to God? Believe me, these monuments here make one crazy, and
one sees God's greatness b such a way that earthly things, those thbgs which
attract us, become so small that they are lost to sight...*
85
History of M. Sacred Heart, I, p. 138-140.
86
Letter to M. Prcriosa Sangre, 28th June 1890.
87
To M. Maria del Carmen, I4th May 1890.
336 Pari three: 1887-1893
She left Rome at night on 18th August, leaving behind a small

community with M. Maria del Salvador in charge. On 20th she was at the
Spanish frontier, and on 21st in Bilbao, where she stayed for a few days, and
on 28th she arrived in Madrid.
A terrible meeting
If by any chance M. Sacred Heart had not grasped sufficiently the idea
of the contradictions which were awaiting her in Spain, her arrival in Madrid
made her see them with complete realism. On 28th she wrote to the two
Assistants who lived in different cities: «I arrived today with two postulants
from Bilbao, and as we have to meet on account of that school (La Coruna),
and for many other reasons, it would be helpful for you to come as soon as you
can. I am writing to M. Maria de la Cruz today also, telling her to come* M.
Pilar's answer, by return post, was enough to dishearten anybody: «For love of
God I ask you to excuse me from attending meetings. I would do nothing,
because it is God who has to change me; and my situation with regard to you,
the three Consultors and the whole body is worse than can be imagined, and
I cannot even mollify it. Don't you see that my conscience is at risk? God Our
Lord knows how hard it is for me to hurt you, and the pain 1 always feel when
1 act like this, but there is no remedy, because my conscience has to choose
between suffering this martyrdom or going against Him. And I am not saying
this because you are not acting according to God's plans for you. No. 1 think
that each one of us is corresponding with what God is asking of us...*88
M.Pilar continued by saying that she considered herself in the position of a
«mourner very close* to one who has a death wound. The person at the point
of death would be the Congregation, which was going to r u b through mistaken
administration. She ended the letter thus: «I do not know how to explab how
it hurts me to send this letter; but b exchange for not gobg to meetings, I
would throw myself b t o a fire, if it would not offend God. Our Lord has
placed me b the same state as 1 was with our family when we left home. 1
embrace you and the others (because apart from all this, I love you) your sister,
Maria del Pilar*.
In spite of all, the Superior of La Coruna went to Madrid at the
beginning of September; M. Maria de la Cruz had arrived on 1st. Just as they
were about to have the meeting M. Maria del Carmen Aranda became
seriously ill. Later on she wrote of her memories of those events:
Aft
M
Utter of 30th August 1890.
C.4. Main characters in the drama 347
felt obliged at this time to forestall erroneous interpretations of her own words
and conduct. She wrote to Maria del Carmen Aranda: «Try not to be so
impetuous, Mother, or so exaggerated or violent; people who act like that are
very hurtful. Be fervent and firm, yes; but with meekness and humility, not
allowing yourself to be carried away by appearances or by beautiful words; but
get hold of the substance and leave all appearances aside, always acting firmly
and securely*5. M. Sacred Heart never revealed her worries to persons
outside the government. But Maria del Carmen Aranda, the General
Secretary, was an exception, and hence she was well acquainted with all that
was happening within the General Council. As she was Superior of the house
in St. Bernard Street she felt all its problems very deeply, and on that account,
heard much that was confidential from M. General: « Don't give up hope for
the salvation of that house; peacefully, but with faith go on praying and getting
prayers, without saying what they are for ... Do not say anything about this
letter, or mention that house to the Assistants. Let us pray in silence and
alone... The day of judgement, Mother! The more lost the petition appears, the
greater joy and happiness I feel in my soul. Keep this to yourself; I don't know
what it means. But instead of getting worried, my heart expands... Don't
smother your faith, for love of Jesus; even if we gain nothing, we should give
God proof of our constancy. M. Purisima will be going there soon; perhaps
tomorrow. Don't speak about business; if she speaks, just listen...*6
M. General began to see the need for better formation; she realised
that serious ill arose in the Institute through lack of good training. But she had
no reason to complain about the general formation of the Religious in spiritual
and human matters. The level was high in comparison with that of the
religious environment of the time (this can be seen from the literary style and
the content of many of the quotations given here). But she was worried by the
ignorance shown in matters of government which she was experiencing so
dramatically. She was thinking in particular, and very rightly, of the need for
cach Sister to know her own duties in order to ensure collaboration between
them all, Superiors and subjects. She spoke of this to M. Maria del Carmen,
charging her to instruct the young Religious as well as possible.
«Tell them the duties of Consultors and Admonitors, and explain all
the charges to them, and see if, with God's help, a good foundation is
given to all the Sisters. I think that lack of this knowledge is the cause
of all their faults, and there is no one who is able to teach them,
either. Explain to them what is meant by respect and duty towards
5
1st February 1890.
6
Letter to M. Maria de] Carmen Aranda, 31st December 1890.
348 Pari three: 1887-1893
Superiors and Sisters. Tell them that it is not a bad thing to see faults
in them, provided they do not lose the respect they should have.
Neither should their reverence prevent them from mentioning to the
Admonitor those same defects, doing so with great charity and love for
the Congregation. And if the faults are not corrected they should
speak to higher Superiors. This should not be done through ill-feeling
or dislike but with true love and charity and the good of the
Institute" .
The difficulties which were arising over any matter of business between
the members of the Council caused her to think she was incapable. But
however humble she was, she could not but believe that the cause of so much
touchiness was to be found in the spirit of self-satisfaction which had subtly
entered their minds. In the midst of all that confusion there was, tragically, an
almost palpable sense of the sin of pride in the atmosphere. That sense of her
own incompetcnce was nothing new in her. She had never been a person to
think highly of herself, or who showed any self-sufficiency, but as time went on,
she saw to her own surprise, that the Sisters trusted her, and esteemed her very
highly. She had not yet lost the love of the simple members of the
Congregation, but the lack of trust shown by the Assistants would spread to
others. At least, that is what she thought. Her ideas, which were not
unreasonable, were revealed by her behaviour and by comments about events
related to government. One example: On 26th December of that same year,
M.Vicenta Maria Lopez y Vicuna, foundress of the Religious of Servicio
Domestico, died, surrounded by her nuns and venerated by them all. When
M.Sacred Heart informed M. Maria del Carmen of this, she added: «... M.
Vicenta died yesterday, at two o'clock. You must write to M. Maria Teresa.
Poor dears, if they get someone like me! 1 cannot forget them» 8 . And in the
same letter she went on to comment on her own Institute: «... I have a bitter
sorrow, without upsetting myself... there is a great spirit of pride in the heads
of the Congregation, and I sec no remedy for it, but from God. ... I hope that
one day we shall all see clearly, and send away the author of it all who is the
demon disguised as the true Spirit and as zeal for God's glory».
7
Letter to M. Maria del Carmen, December 1890-
8
Chamarrin, and M. Purfsima told Rev. Fr. Rector our business, and we all
agreed. He gave us some good advice, and we all came away throwing away our
misery, which we had not dared to speak about before* 92 . M. Pilar was
waiting in the hall. Surely on that sad day prudence was thrown to the winds;
and there was a far more serious break - a rupture of concord.
How had those persons reached agreement so quickly, those who had
seemingly differed so deeply in their ideas? From what we have seen before,
it should not surprise us that M. Maria de la Cruz should so easily enter the
area contrary to the government of M. Sacred Heart. She had voiced her
concern about the progress of the Institute on many occasions. M. San Javier,
for different reasons, was also easily influenced. She had a rather clear
judgement, but her character was weak. The sudden, complete change in M.
Purisima is incomprehensible; at that time she changed her attitude of fervent
adhesion to M. General to one of complete opposition to her, and she
supported M. Pilar's dissent. Later on we shall have the opportunity to analyse
the meaning and extent of this truly Copernican revolution.
«Neither in the Mothers nor in myself

was there anything hut fervent zeal*
Three days later, in the house in Obelisk Parade, M. General and the
Assistants met again to deal with the house in Rome. As always, M. Sacred
Heart offered the business to her sister, pointing out her competence for these
affairs. M. Pilar should go to Rome with another Religious to see on the spot
the most suitable solution. In fact, M. General had made a great advance,
having found several houses which they might possibly acquire.
M. Pilar resisted this suggestion, bringing out her usual reasons. She
repeated an expression which M. Ma. de la Cruz recorded in her chroniclc: she
«"had washed her hands" of the Institute*. Nevertheless, she had the support
of the Assistants this time; they thought it «much better that M. Pilar should
do this business, because she knew a lot about this kind of matter, and then our
Mother would not have to be away so much, and she would be able to act as
before in the Institute* 93 . Finally, M. Pilar said she wanted to consult Fr.
UrrSburu, who was then in Deusto. She went there with M. Purisima as
companion for her journey.
Before the journey to Bilbao, which took place in the middle of
November, the General Council had meetings which lasted throughout Octobcr,
92
Chronicle I, p. 275-276.
93
M. Ma. DE LA CRUZ, Chronicle I, p. 276.
340 Pari three: 1887-1893
with results very similar to those of the meeting on 17th September. On 6th
October M. General explained «the need to solve the business of St. Joseph's
house. An answer had to be sent to Fr. Rodeles who was acting in the matter,
and to the Cardinal Protector. The Assistants replied that they could not
decide on that point, because the First thing to be considered was whether the
house was to continue or not, seeing that they were not prepared to go on
paying such a high rent because it was not possible for the Congregation*. The
minutes of the meeting end on a very significant note: «The matter was left to
be decided another day...*94
About that time M. Sacred Heart received a letter from M. Maria del
Salvador. She was aware of the cause of the delay in making a decision about
the house of St. Joseph, and she wrote: «... I shall pray even more earnestly
than I have done until now; I am very sorry about this situation, but sometimes
I am glad that things are like this, because this cannot go on, especially as far
as you are concerned. I am praying to God for everything, but above all that
they be reconciled and as in the Soeicty, the head may rule, and the others may
bow theirs after saying all they have to say. You will see how God settles
everything, and this comes to an end. God willing it may be soon, so that
God's glory may increase with peace. One thing which consoles me is seeing
how God blesses His Congregation: Sixteen postulants whom He has brought!
What more do we want?*
What more did they want? For M. Sacred Heart it was clcar: to live
«all united like the fingers on a hand*, «union of minds and mutual tolerance*,
because «where there is no union, God is not present*... For her part, she
would go on working to rebuild it; and, in an heroic effort to look at the
situation dispassionately, she wrote to M. Maria del Carmen Aranda about
these meetings with the Assistants:
«... Don't be upset, things are getting clearer, and I think this is very
good. I have thought about it, and I think it is pleasing to God. Now,
when you come here, if you do comc, do not treat me in any special
way, either in word or in deed; do not defend me; only as far as is very
necessary, and very calmly... Don't be upset about what 1 am saying;
this is going well, and I am hoping for great glory for God. They were
quite right to be displeased with me; that is true, and I will say so.
Neither in the Mothers norm myself was there anything but good zeal.
1 know very well that we all have the defect of this Andalusian fervour,
94 Minutes of Meetings, 6th October 1890.

95
Letter, 2nd Octobcr 1890, Rome.
which has to be coolcd down a bit...*96.
A letter from Fr. Urr&buru dated 1st November throws some light on
the Assistants' attitude. The Jesuit wrote to M. Purisima: «... You want mc to
give my opinion if it is right to speak with a good intention about the natural
faults of Superiors. I think there is much danger in this, and one can easily
imagine that one has a right intention*. All indications allow us to suppose that
there was more than one person in the «veiy great danger* of speaking and
commenting on the real or supposed natural limitations of the M. General of
the Handmaids. On the other hand, there are no facts to confirm that any one
of the Assistants was striving with the same generosity as that of M. Sacred
Heart, to go forward, hoping against hope, trying to heal the government of the
Institute, so seriously wounded by discord.
MM. Pilar and Purisima left for Bilbao in the middle of November.
They found Fr. Urraburu rather withdrawn, an attitude not at all conducive to
confidences. «We went to the University yesterday, and the Father was just in
the same mood as I thought he would be. We'll go back there tomorrow at
oncc», wrote M. Purisima on 18th97. «This Mother (Pilar) is well, and seems
to be pleased with the Sisters; but in her soul she is rather hurt and is suffering
a good deal* There is a postscript to the letter: «Father was here this morning
and finally agreed to listen to M. Pilar. Thank God! » M. Pilar wrote the next
day saying that she had no objection to going to Rome. M. Purisima explained
•n a later letter that she too had finally spoken to the Jesuit. The tone of these
letters to M. Sacred Heart was again seemingly trusting. It seemed as if she had
forgotten that during the meetings in September and October she had joined
the other Assistants in opposition to M. General, and now, when speaking to
her, she allowed her to see how little she thought of M. Pilar: «(Fr. Urraburu)
likes you and the Congregation very much, but these two birds are in
agreement* 98 . In a letter to M. Maria del Carmen, M. Purisima spoke very
highly of Fr. Urraburu's behaviour: ... He loves the Congregation and the two
Mothers; and he shows it, perhaps because he wants to unite us among
ourselves, just as he shows that he has us united in his love. How prudent he
is, and what a saint! If only there was something to counterbalance the other
side!...* This was a clear reference to Fr. Hidalgo, whom the Assistants
considered to be lacking in prudence. The truth is that with regard to Fr.
Hidalgo, M. Purisima's attitude was very strange, because until a short time
9<J Letter, undated, but probably written at the beginning of October.

97
U t t e r to M. Sacred Heart.
98 U t t e r from M. Purisima to M. Sacrcd Heart, 21st November 1890
99
" U t t e r of 1st December 1890.
342 Pari three: 1887-1893
before he had been her spiritual director, and she spoke very warmly of him.
M. Pilar goes to Rome
On 13th December M. Pilar left Madrid for Rome. M. Martires went

with her. Her company would prove to M. Pilar that M. Sacred Heart's
judgement about this Religious was very reasonable.
In order to understand the meaning of thk statement it is necessary to
retrace our steps a little. Some months before, the two foundresses had
discussed the situation of some of the Sisters who belonged to the first group
in the Institute. M. Pilar remarked bitterly that these Religious were not given
the consideration due to them. «Who has ever seen that creatures reprove
those whom God chose as foundations!* 100 M. Pilar acknowledged that
some of them had natural defects, but, she said, «it is because they have not
been trained to work in the Congregation* 101 , M. Sacred Heart answered
that she too was very sorry that these first Sisters did not have the qualities
needed for the fulfilment of posts of responsibility, although it was well-known
that they were virtuous. One of those sisters was M. Martires, who had been
General Bursar for many years, and then, in 1889, had been sent to the house
of St. Joseph. M. Sacred Heart explained: «Sending Martires to St. Joseph's
was because it was impossible for her to carry on in the charge on account of
her sleepiness and negligence... she was always asleep ... the doctor has seen
her, and cannot find anything wrong; in case it was due to lack of sleep she has
been told to sleep more, and to eat well, and she has been given less to do; but
all in vain. I am afraid she may have some trouble with the brain* 102 .
M. Pilar's first letter from Rome gave an account of the journey with
the fullest details about M. Martires: «... It was a good journey, thank God, and
as we did not go in the fast train, it was tiring; I had to look after Martires as
if she were a child; and as she is not, it was awful to see her getting off the
trains. She came down facc first, everything trailing behind her. She is so tall!
It was enough just to see her. On the day we went through France we changed
trains seven or eight times in one day, and the first thing I had to do was to
awaken her, for she was always asleep, by night and by day, so she does not
know much about the journey. At first I settled her head, because she was
leaning right down to her knees, and I called her to look at things. Afterwards
I decided to leave her. On the French frontier while we were waiting for the
100
Letter to M. Sacred Heart, 30th July 1890.
101
Ibid.
102
train we had to catch, she gave me an awful shock. When I thought I ought to
call her, she was so sound asleep that I thought she had died. The passengers
were looking at her, struck by her sleep... This and the food which this creature
takes make me believe that she really has some serious, advanced illness... But
I am not sorry to have brought her with me; on the contrary, I am still happy,
because she is a saint...m1™ The last sentence reveals M. Pilar's intention
not to be inconsistent with her heated defence of M. Martires a few months
before. M. Sacred Heart must have smiled when she read that letter which
confirmed the judgement she had formed, not only of M. Martires, but also of
M. Pilar, who changed her opinion only when she could prove by experience
the reliability of the reasons she had been given.
(Seeing that just by chance we have reported judgements about M.
Martires, we must add that she was considered a saint by everyone. This is all
the more remarkable when she was seen to be a person affected by a strange
illness which caused her to spend long periods fast asleep. It should also be
said that in her clear moments M. Martires was seen to be intelligent and a
very cultured woman).
On the day after arriving in Rome M. Pilar began her search for a
suitable house for the community. It was to take her a long time - a whole
year, and in the end she would have to be content with renting a building.
Throughout this time she went through many states of mind with regard to the
Cardinal Protector, the Superior and the community in Rome; changes which
are reflected in her letters, and which would later influence the general
progress of the Institute. M. Pilar took a long time to reach an understanding
with Cardinal Mazzella, with whom at first, she had some difficulties in
comprehending. M.Maria del Salvador said to M. Sacred Heart: «You know
how His Eminence shows what he does not like and Mother does the
same...» 104 She also clashed with M. Maria del Salvador, although they were
always not only courteous, but fraternal and trusting exteriorly.
103
Letter to M.Sacred Heart, 21st December 1890.
104 .
Chapter IV
MAIN CHARACTERS IN THE DRAMA OF A

DECISIVE YEAR (1891)
Exhausting the means
The year 1891 was decisive in Lhc history of the Institute of Handmaids
and in the personal history of M. Sacrcd Heart. It was not a period fruitful in
external achievements but during that time the tensions in the government
reached their peak, resulting in the withdrawal of the first General. All that
happened during the next two years was simply a consequcnce. It can also be
said that nothing new happened in 1891, apart from a hardening of attitudes a.s
the problems increased. In the houses and communities some matters were left
pending which could have been easily sealed in normal circumstances, but they
were put off for months on account of that collapse of activity consequent on
the lack of mutual understanding. Almost one year was spent in looking for
a house in Rome, and almost as long to decide on the closure of the house of
St. Joseph (Madrid). As the months went by, M. Sacred Heart must have
become ever more dccided to renounce the Generalate. And, contrary to what
might have been expected from a superficial view of the situation, the greatest
opposition to this plan would come from her sisLer.
In 1891 M. Sacred Heart was counting on having a series of «work.s
that show». That was an expression she used on one occasion referring to that
group of goals which the Institute had reached with her efforts and Lhose of the
Sisters under her direction. But, above all, she had very clear ideas about what
God really expected of her, not in acLs which could be esteemed or appreciated,
but in the deep attitude of her heart, in that posture which affected her whole
life. When she was making the retreat in 1890 she wrote some notes which
expressed this quite clearly. She came out of retreat «eagcr and joyful» at
being able to do something for her Captain, Jesus, «above all, bringing Him to
be adored by the peoplc». During those days she had increasingly felt her
great desires to make Christ known and loved, «in any way I can, and if not,
with prayers* 1 .
At the end of the retreat she renewed her offering: «Not only did I
give myself unconditionally to the glory of the Sacred Heart, but I offered and
1 promised to give Him the greatest possible glory, even if it cost mc my
honour and my life, with His holy grace*. As always, her fine words were
1
Spmtual noses 14.
bravely grounded in daily reality: her honour and her life depended on the
development of events, not because of the threat of bodily death, but because
in her present situation it was reasonable to foresee a deep, painful change in
the direction of her life. «I was thinking that just as when Christ died, his love
did not die... when I see myself deprived of physical action to extend my zeal
according to my desires, I will satisfy myself with praying and doing gently
whatever I can, just as Our Lord teachcs me ...»2 This was a tremendous
thought, like a serene foreseen vision of the events which were to lead her
inevitably to inactivity.
As the events which took place during this year were very few, we shall
devote this chapter to an analysis of the evolution of the principal personages
ill the drama; a drama presided over at every moment by the noble figure of
M.Sacrcd Heart, obsessed by the desire for peace and unity in the Institute; but
with intervention from other important figures, M. Pilar, the other Assistants,
the General Secretary, and to a greater or lesser degree, all their Jesuit friends!
If at any time we can speak of the providcnce of God which goes beyond all
our calculations, and those judgements, so incomprehensible to us, this, surely
is one of those times. It is overwhelming to witness the agony of a person who
has exhausted all possible means in an attempt to restore peace and to
reconcile souls, without suececding in casting light on a confused situation
which has arisen through the mistakes and blindness of several people, but for
which hardly anyone is completely responsible. In this drama there are prota-
gonists and extras. When examining their attitudes and behaviour we should
approach with special compassion; that is, we should try to understand them,
and although that may not always be possible, we shall do them real justice
only in the measure in which we realise that their errors - great or small - arc
the same ones which wc mortals commit and suffer from day by day; and that
they spring from our great inability to guess the thoughts and aspirations of
others, rather than from any decidedly malevolent intention.
These considerations, which may serve to extenuate many facts which
might seem monstruous to us, may also be used to raise on high that woman
who in spite of all the misunderstanding which surrounded her, always tried to
understand. And she did this in spite of the limitations which .she, just like
every human crcature, always experienced in herself, and which could have
causcd suffering to other persons.
2
Ibid.
346 Pari three: 1887-1893
«This is the hour and the power of darkness*
While M. Pilar in Rome was looking for a house, M. Sacred Heart in

Spain was becoming more determined each day to renounce the Generalate.
The desire to withdraw completely from the government was not a new idea
in her mind. But, by this time experiencing difficulties of every kind, she had
become convinced that there was no other possible solution. Nevertheless,
during the time while she still had to remain at her post, she would continue
to work for the Institute as well as she could. She said to Maria del Carmen
Aranda, speaking about the house in St. Bernard Street 3 : «Do we not pray for
the sick, even when they have reached their last breath? That is the state of
that house; but it is still standing; that is the breath until it is closed. Why not
pray?» The attitude of trust implied in these words might well be applied to her
situation in the Institute. Why not still hope? Why not go on struggling? And,
above all, Why not pray?
It was not only her sister's opposition which convinced her more and
more of the need for her resignation. The Assistants seemed to have departed
a liule from that combative attitude adopted in the meetings during the
Autumn of 1890, but their very indecisiveness caused her to be reasonably
mistrustful of them. At the end of December she said: «Maria del Carmen,
this is the hour and the power of darkness* a very sad statement of a feeling
of insecurity and uncertainty due, above all, to the confusion of mind and
emotional instability of the General Assistants. M. Sacred Heart was worried
about M. Purisima: «She is so nervous, just in her own way... If God does not
cure that, she will lose her reason or her life. Her intention Is good, but she
does more harm than good, to herself and to others. But, it seems that some
are getting to know her, as I do*4. What did this letter mean? At that time
M. Purisima was upset by a mistaken interpretation of some words of Fr.
Hidalgo. In general, it may be said that, as those in charge of government had
lost all trust in each other, there frequently arose suspicion and murmurings,
and this situation was greatly complicated by some talkative, imaginative and
rather unbalanced persons among them. M. Sacred Heart said quite correctly
that although M. Purisima's defects were beginning to be seen, she was still an
oracle for some people, and she did much harm by her comments on the
circumstances of the moment. As M. General said in her letter, her intention
was good, but it was not possible to discern how far her intention reached, and
when emotion were aroused.
However much M. Sacred Heart tried to understand and to excuse, she
3
4
Letter from M. Sacred Heart to Maria del Carmen Aranda, second half of December 1890.
347
C.4. Main characters in the drama
felt obliged at this time to forestall erroneous interpretations of her own words
and conduct. She wrote to Maria del Carmen Aranda: «Try not to be so
impetuous, Mother, or so exaggerated or violent; people who act like that are
very hurtful. Be fervent and firm, yes; but with meekness and humility, not
allowing yourself to be carried away by appearances or by beautiful words; but
get hold of the substance and leave all appearances aside, always acting firmly
and securely*5. M. Sacred Heart never revealed her worries to persons
outside the government. But Maria del Carmen Aranda, the General
Secretary, was an exception, and hence she was well acquainted with all that
was happening within the General Council. As she was Superior of the house
in St. Bernard Street she felt all its problems very deeply, and on that account,
heard much that was confidential from M. General: «Don't give up hope for
the salvation of that house; peacefully, but with faith go on praying and getting
prayers, without saying what they are for ... Do not say anything about this
letter, or mention that house to the Assistants. Let us pray in silence and
alone... The day of judgement, Mother! The more lost the petition appears, the
greater joy and happiness I feel in my soul. Keep this to yourself; I don't know
what it means. But instead of getting worried, my heart expands... Don't
smother your faith, for love of Jesus; even if we gain nothing, we should give
God proof of our constancy. M. Purisima will be going there soon; perhaps
tomorrow. Don't speak about busbess; if she speaks, just listen...*6
M. General began to see the need for better formation; she realised
that serious ill arose in the Institute through lack of good training. But she had
no reason to complain about the general formation of the Religious b spiritual
and human matters. The level was high in comparison with that of the
religious environment of the time (this can be seen from the literary style and
the content of many of the quotations given here). But she was worried by the
ignorance shown b matters of government which she was experiencbg so
dramatically. She was thinking b particular, and very rightly, of the need for
cach Sister to know her own duties in order to ensure collaboration between
the m all, Superiors and subjects. She spoke of this to M. Maria del Carmen
chargbg her to instruct the young Religious as well as possible.
«Tell them the duties of Consultors and Admonitors, and explain all
the charges to them, and see if, with God's help, a good foundation is
given to all the Sisters. I think that lack of this knowledge is the cause
of all their faults, and there is no one who is able to teach them,
either. Explab to them what is meant by respect and duty towards
5
1st February 1890.
6
U t t e r to M. Maria del Carmen Aranda, 31st December 1890.
348 Pari three: 1887-1893
Superiors and Sisters. Tell them that it is not a bad thing to see faults
in them, provided they do not lose the respect they should have.
Neither should their reverence prevent them from mentioning to the
Admonitor those same defects, doing so with great charity and love for
the Congregation. And if the faults are not corrected they should
speak to higher Superiors. This should not be done through ill-feeling
or dislike but with true love and charity and the good of the
Institute* .
The difficulties which were arising over any matter of business between
the members of the Council caused her to think she was incapable. But
however humble she was, she could not but believe that the cause of so much
touchiness was to be found in the spirit of self-satisfaction which had subtly
entered their minds. In the midst of all that confusion there was, tragically, an
almost palpable sense of the sin of pride in the atmosphere. That sense of her
own incompetence was nothing new in her. She had never been a person to
think highly of herself, or who showed any self-sufficiency, but as time went on,
she saw to her own surprise, that the Sisters trusted her, and esteemed her very
highly. She had not yet lost the love of the simple members of the
Congregation, but the lack of trust shown by the Assistants would spread to
others. At least, that is what she thought. Her ideas, which were not
unreasonable, were revealed by her behaviour and by comments about events
related to government. One example: On 26th December of that same year,
M.Vicenta Maria Lopez y Vicuna, foundress of the Religious of Servicio
Domestico, died, surrounded by her nuns and venerated by them all. When
M.Sacrcd Heart informed M. Maria del Carmen of this, she added: «... M.
Vicenta died yesterday, at two o'clock. You must write to M. Maria Teresa.
Poor dears, if they get someone like me! 1 cannot forget them» 8 . And in the
same letter she went on to comment on her own Institute: «... 1 have a bitter
sorrow, without upsetting myself... there is a great spirit of pride in the heads
of the Congregation, and 1 see no remedy for it, but from God. ... 1 hope that
one day we shall all see clcarty, and send away the author of it all who is the
demon disguised as the true Spirit and as zeal for God's gtory».
Letter to M. Maria del Carmen, December 1890.

8
«What I feel is being unable to hit the mark

and to please people*
At the beginning of 1891 M. Sacred Heart was making extraordinary

efforts to gain her sister's trust. And because all M. Pilar's complaints were
about the financial situation, she wrote to her in February: «Very soon you will
be sent the account of the financial situation of the Congregation. Perhaps it
might be a good idea to start making up what was spent from the dowries with
that surplus from Jesusa and with what will be coming in, and then in a few
years to see if we can balance our income and expenses. I have not said
anything about this to the Mothers until I know what you think. I also think
that in order to achievc this we shall have to go carefully with admissions*9.
It was clear that she wanted to please M. Pilar, but there was even more than
that, and if her words were not endorsed by the deep humility of the writer we
would say that they did not ring true: «Don't be displeased, Our Lord is
mcrciful with the repentant sinner. So, let me know peacefully what you think*.
Did she really have to repent of her previous conduct, and did she
need to ask for mercy? Without seeking further wc could look at the Minutes
of the meeting of the General Council which took placc on 25th January 1890.
The Assistants answered a reproach of M. Pilar who «thought that she could
not defend the Congregation because it needed someone to cover it up, for
when the state of the administration became known... etc., etc.*, ... the
Assistants said that besides expecting with all security the capital of some of the
Sisters, M. Pilar «should note that the Congregation had not yet disposed of
any lands*. That was as much as saying that there was sufficient capital to
covcr all the expenses incurred so far. There might be a difference of opinion
conccrning the suitability of some of the expenditure, but in all justice it had
to be said that all had been done with the consent of the Assistants, as they all
affirmed and as was recorded in the Minutes.
A few days later the statement reachcd Rome. M. Pilar wrote on 27th
February: «The state of the accounts is a horror to see*. «I do not want to
upset you or anybody, but the family has a cataclysm and a great scandal
looming ahead!*
M. General was right when she asked for prayers that Our Lord might
give her the grace to do the right thing. Success did not rest with her, because
it was essential that her decisions should be accepted with the same goodwill
as that in which they were made. Yet nevertheless M. Sacred Heart very often
felt that the strangest part of all was the fact that they were all convinced that
they were acting uprightly. And she saw in this lack of understanding the
9 l e t t e r of 4th February 1891.

350 Pan three: 1887-1893
greatest cross of her life; and she wrote to Maria del Carmen Aranda:
«Pray that I may do the right thing... I do not blame anyone for
having failed me; the trouble is in the correctness of everybody. So I
think God wants us to pray. I am not displeased with you or with
anybody; what I am sorry about is not being able to succeed and to
please. Let us pray calmly and hope for better days; I think they are
near, and we shall be sorry if we have not borne joyfully these trials
which Our Lord presents to us so generously; although I speak to Him
just as I feel, I see that Ho deals with me very carefully; if 1 were
generous, it would be a different matter* 10 .
There is no alternative but to agree with those words, although with

some change of meaning. The trials of this kind which M. Sacred Heart
suffered were only the result of her great generosity, of her almost unbounded
capacity to love her Lord and to love and pardon others ...
Isabel Porras, the foundresses' niece, who had been educated in the
school in La Coruna, fell seriously ill in the middle of February. She was about
fifteen years of age, and had spent most her her life near her aunts. She had
lost her mother as a very young child, and it could be said that the Handmaids
were her real family, especially M. Sacred Heart and M. Pilar. The latter was
in Rome, so M. Sacred Heart left hurriedly for La Coruna. She wrote to her
sister on 15th February. «I am here becausc of Isabel's pneumonia; she has
even been anointed. But now, thank God, she is well, but still very weak*. For
M. Sacred Heart the comments about Isabel gave her a chance to praise M.
Pilar indirectly and discrectly: «This child*, she said in her letter, «has a way
with people; you cannot imagine the concern of all La Coruna for her. And for
you, they do not forget you here and are longing to see you. Seiior Hcrvada
came to see me yesterday; he thought he was seeing another M. Pilar, and he
saw me... Just imagine that! Everyone wants to be remembered to you*.
«The spirit of simplicity wins my heart*
In spite of the pleasure which those words must have given, the
Superior of La Coruna was not too pleased that M. General should visit the
house in her absence. Yet, the house was in need of a visit. While she was
there M. Sacred Heart showed how well she could understand and dialogue;
10 Letter end of January 1891.

with some persons of the community she also showed her patience.
«Many of these Sisters arc rather weak, and ailing... I have taken
charge of Fernanda becausc she is quite bad. I shall probably not go away
until she is better; she is going to pieces, and is one living pain»". She
thought of staying in La Corufia to look after the health of the teachers in the
.school; and also «because these Sisters need to talk a bit, they are very much
alone». This she said to M. Maria de la Cruz, and then added: «I do not think
I shall be able to go back for at least one month» 12 . She would have been
able to settle many things in La Coruna, especially as she knew that M. Pilar
was likely to be away for a long time. But she limited herself to encouraging
them with her presence, and as far as possible to improving the conditions of
their life dedicated to education, and to suggest in her letters to her sister some
solutions which she thought opportune to renew the community and the house.
She wrote to M. Maria de la Cruz: «Here I am as everywhere, peaceful
and as contented as I was and as I shall be DV in Madrid ... The spirit of
simplicity captures my heart; that is what I find in the houses, and 1 think it is
religious; but that pompous spirit of the Council, I cannot stand. So, may God
grant that this is seen, or understood; that would be another l h i n g » . A
letter from M. Purisima gives the same impression of well-being: «... [ received
your letter, and I am glad that you have such a good impression of the house,
and to see that you are so full of joy among all those good Sisters. They too
arc happy with you, I am sure, because they love you so much, and becausc
they were alone®1 .
Yet the visitation in La Coruna was not exactly easy. There was need
for a great deal of tact on account of the psychological state of some members
of the community. «I think that Carlota needs more rest for her body and for
her soul», wrote M. Sacrcd Heart to her sister 15 . Carlota was Prefect of the
school, much attached to M. Pilar and much loved in return, although her
temperamental limitations were well-known16. She was very unbalanced, and
this seriously affectcd her attitude towards M. Sacred Heart during this'visit.
Carlota reactcd characteristically: like a highly-strung person who in a tense
moment becomes not only stubborn and brusque, but even disagreeable; this
was in spite of her good education which had led to her being made Prefect of
the school.
11
l i t t e r of 15th February 1891.
12
13
14
l i t t e r of 22nd February 1891.
15
16
See Letter from M. Pilar to M. Sacrcd Heart, 26th September 1889.
352 Pari three: 1887-1893
M. Sacred Heart went to La Coruna on account of the illness of her

niece. When Isabel was on the way to convalescence, Mother wanted to hear
her play the piano. The child was still in a room within the enclosure, where
she had been taken when she fell ill. The pianos, of course, were in the school.
And M. Carlota, in one of her strange moments, refused to allow M. General
and her niece to go into the school to satisfy that very natural desire. It need
not be said that M. Sacred Heart might very well have ignored that absurd
refusal; and some of the Sisters who were indignant, were ready to move the
piano into the enclosure ... M. General put a stop to that by saying that she
preferred not to hear her niece play.
Because of this incident, and some others of the same kind, the
biographers of M. Sacred Heart have depicted this visit to La Coruna as a time
of great trouble for her; with the community insubordinate, and lacking
religious spirit. But Mother did not see it like that. She had great praise for
the community in general, and for some of its members in particular, although
she did make some suggestions for improvement. She realized that they had
become involved in an apostolic work for which most of them had not been
prepared, and so they needed special care. As she tried to settle the house a
little, she did not become so spiritual as to forget the demands of nature. She
was concerned that they should eat better, and sleep reasonably, and she went
into details to ensure this: «Fernanda and Loreto are better, and I am trying
to make them all recover, for they were all weak. I have told Visitation not to
give them stale bread; it must be fresh, because otherwise they do noL eaL it...
This creature is a gem, and is very good with people; could not be better; but
her dealings with the Sisters leave much Lo be desired; she does not do much
to lighten their work, or to support Lhem by seeing they have their meals at the
right time, or to give something to help those with no appetite. I have spoken
to her about it all, and you would have done the same, and I think something
will be done» 17 .
Very prudently M. Sacred Heart did not make any decisions which
would have involved changcs of persons or occupations in the school.
Respecting M. Pilar as Superior of the house, she explain the advantages of
some rearrangements which could be made on her return from Rome. «I think
that Carlota should cease to be bursar, and Lutgarda could do iL who has less
to do. I like her and Santa very much. I'll say more another day. I have not
said anything to her, and have not interfered in anything... You settle it after
I am gone» . From this it can be deduced that M. Sacred Heart realized
that correcting certain faults in daily living requires not mere moral or so-called
17
Letter to M. Pilar, 21st February 1891.
18
347
ascetic considerations, but demands a radical treatment which encourages the

development of the best personal values.
At the beginning of March M. General and her Secretary went to the
house in Bilbao. M. Maria del Carmen wrote to M. Maria de la Cruz, giving
her impressions: «... This house is very good; that is the truth; and the house
in La Coruna very bad. This is what worries me. There is lot of activity there;
they arc happy, and even, if you like, observant. The Sisters, all sacrificing
themselves for their duties; but in general they lack interior life ... Visitors in
the parlour never end; from half past eight until seven in the evening they arc
coming and going. Some of them received Mother very badly, and she has
been very prudent; this is the real truth..,» 19 The «real truth» - to use Maria
del Carmen Aranda's words - has many shades, as can be seen in the
judgement given on the community in La Coruna. What did Maria del Carmen
Aranda understand by «interior life»? What value did she place on the visits,
on the contact of persons from outside the community, in a house specially
dedicated to apostolic activity? Consideration of these points could lead us a
long way; here it is sufficient to mention it.
About that time M. Sacred Heart wrote to M. Purisima a letter which
sums up her experience in her visit to La Coruna. (She was still there when she
wrote it).
«I assure you that the spirit of simplicity captures my soul, and

human wisdom spoils everything for me. I am convinced of this today
with these Sisters who are so humble and so docile. For although I
advise them and tell them what I think, and they do the same with me,
with complete liberty on both sides, it is with such joy and
expansiveness that my heart could burst. And they are the same,
without any bitterness or acrimony. We are all as one, wanting only
the greater glory of God prudently, and the good of the Congregation.
They would all give their lives for that, without any fuss, not wanting
to appear to be doing anything; everything said and done very humbly.
How beautiful is humility! And how ugly even apparent pride! This
does not mean that I do not see any defects, because I do, many; and
the need of some of them is chiefly what keeps me here, but they arc
secondary defects, which do not seem important or dangerous to
me» 20 .
19
Letter of 3rd March 1891.
20
354 Pari three: 1887-1893
Marvellous that M. Sacred Heart, who with such extraordinary

objectivity, could appreciate so positively persons with what she called
secondary, unimportant defects, yet who had shown themselves unfavourable
towards her. There is no reason to believe that the letter just quoted presented
an exaggerated false humility in the face of reality. That is, it is not necessary
to believe that M. Sacred Heart with those words wanted to hide the great
vexations she suffered in La Coruna. The merit of her conduct is to be found
in her ability to reduce the incidents to their true proportions, judging them by
a scale of values on which simplicity and authenticity held the highest placc.
In La Coruna there were some successes. There were some who were
convinced of her holiness, a real conviction held by many in the Congregation
by that time. There were some who admired her prudence. There were also
some who felt something like remorse. In a letter a few days after these events,
M. Pilar told her sister about the reaction of poor M. Carlota who had rebuffed
her several times: «If you could see the letter she wrote to me, distressed about
her conduct during your stay there! I burned it with a handful which I had
received, and so I am not sending it to you. She said: 'I have struggled until
I have made myself ill. But I don't know what I have in this head, which does
not let me be what I ought to be'. She praised the way you behaved with her,
and she was even more sorry on that account; as she said: her response in
return showed so much consideration...*21
M. General was soon able to see that her performance in La Coruna
had not pleased M. Pilar, however much she herself had tried to be restrained
and prudent. She knew this through the very letters which M. Pilar wrote to
her in which she, in very correct terms, refuted her opinions of the situation.
M. Pilar said that she had several ideas for putting that house on the right
lines: «... Arrangements which I had in mind, and which God Our Lord allowed
to fail; although I still have some hope that by managing that house alone, it
may be saved. And I say alone because it seems to me that I who have
overcome ... the difficulties, and arranged the school, I am the one who
understands how that should all be kept going* 22 . In fact, M. Pilar had
acquired some experience in the school, but not so much that only she was
capable of governing it, still less while she was in Rome. In a letter to M.
Maria del Carmen she declared even more decidedly her intention to refrain
from any intervention in the affairs of La Coruna if other influences were
allowed in. Probably M. Sacred Heart also knew the contents of that letter
which said in one paragraph: «... If union, peace and charity are not
reestablished, which I think I can do, taking into consideration each one with
21
Letter from M. Pilar to M. Sacred Heart, 24th March 1891.
22
her own character, of course, because this is how it has to be, I will withdraw
my intervention, as I have done on other occasions*23. She was referring,
naturally, to peace, union and charity among members of the community of La
Coruna. To suppose that M. Sacred Heart's visit had caused the slightest
division in this sense, was altogether unfair.
«I am ready to give my life for peace*
In the month of February of that same year M. Maria de la Cruz went

to Saragossa b the name of M. General to settle some busbess of the house
and Church. On her return to Madrid she commented on the state of affairs
m a letter to M. Pilar, who answered her on 22nd February, revealing all the
distress she felt about the progress of the Congregation: «... What I would like
is not to have to write to anybody else; 1 am tired of makbg efforts to do this,
all for nothbg*. In that letter she blamed the three Assistants for the
dangerous situation b which she saw the Institute. «Could they be excused as
not cooperatbg b the evil? Even more, as not b e b g aeeomplices in it?» These
harsh reproaches whieh were really aimed at M. Sacred Heart, did reach her
ears in one way or another; probably through the secretary, Maria del Carmen
Aranda. She had told her about some eomplabts by the Assistants, if not
about this matter, then about something similar, and Maria del Carmen wrote
to Maria de la Cruz: «M. General listened to me patiently, and after that she
prays a lot, very much, and in her conversations she is like a person who fmds
herself alone, who has a clear conscience and who is suffering unspeakably* 24 .
In this situation, when waves of troubles were sweeping over her, and
she saw the horizon much darker each day, she wrote a sad letter to M. Pilar.
She still showed b it that she had more than sufficient dignity to carry on with
all her responsibilities:
«1 do not want you to blame the Assistants about the affair b

Saragossa; blame only me, and let all the bitterness and punishment
be for me. Neither for my faults do not blame Fr. Hidalgo ... 1 can
swear to it. It was all my good faith, exclusively, myself alone; not even
the Assistants should be blamed for anythbg ... And, for love of
Christ, I ask you to pardon me for everything, and I authorise you to
accuse me to the Sacred Congregation. May it impose on mc all the
penances which my errors deserve; I am ready to give my life for
23 Letter from M. Pilar to M. Maria del Carmen, 9th March 1891.

24 Letter of 9th March 1891.
356 Pari three: 1887-1893
peace* 25 .
«To give my life for peace*. She had been doing that since her youth.
But it was not possible for her to believe she was responsible for that
uneasiness within the government of the Institute. That is why she did not
speak of a peace «lost through my fault* but «through me*. That she should
continue to strive to reconstruct unity at the cost of any sacrifice would seem
a foolish, vain attempt if it were not realised how far she was conscious of
having been entrusted with the sublime mission of being a sign of unity in the
Institute. Only her love, that extraordinary affection for the Congregation and
for each one of its members, which throbbed in her words and was visible in
her attitude of humility, freed those words from any danger of seeming false
or lacking in dignity. «I strive to avoid doing anything which might displease
God or anybody, and I ask Our Lord to help me to act with wisdom and avoid
making mistakes, because I am sorry that innocent people like Fr. Hidalgo and
those in the Congregation should pay*. Would it still be possible to see how
«good and pleasing it is* when brothers work in unity? When M. Sacred Heart
wrote that letter, the Psalm 133 must have been in her heart: «WouId it not be
better to forget everything, and all go on working like Sisters in this, without
so much bitterness? We are destroying ourselves, or we are destroying it, with
this behaviour, and I don't know if God will ask for an account ...*26
Some days later in a very calm letter, undoubtedly more pondered over
than the previous one, M. Sacred Heart suggested to M. Pilar her plan to
resign from the general government of the Institute:
«You know as well as I do the situation of you and the Assistants

with regard to myself. I desire peace for everybody, and that is what
we have come here to seek. I want you to let me know in writing your
opinion on the resignation from the post which 1 wish to make for the
sake of peace in the Institute; for although in general there seems to
be peace, yet I do not see myself in a position to take it forward. The
Cardinal wants me to go when the house is bought, and I have the
impression that you approve. When I go for that, my resignation can
be settled there, in the Sacred Congregation, in the most prudent way
for the good of the Institute. So, when you wish, send me that opinion
which I ask for. I should never have had this post; but, seeing that
Our Lord allowed it, let us have patience and do all we can to get this
25
26
Ibid.
settled in the best possible way for everyone* 27 .
M. Pilar answered this letter, although, as she says, she thought First
of all of having nothing to do with the matter: «If you are speaking sincerely
when you ask me for my opinion on how to put an end to these sufferings, I
tell you I see no other way but for you to go with the three Assistants to
Bilbao, and speak individually to Fr. Muruz^bal or Fr. UrrAburu, because I
understand that you think highly of him. Or, speak to both of them, telling
them everything; speaking clearly, and not only the upsets and disagreements,
etc., etc., but also the temporal affairs of the Family*28. This was the same
suggestion as the one she had made the previous January. M. Pilar was certain
that everything could be kept quiet within and outside the Institute if the
persons they consulted were prudent, and if they were discreet in speaking to
the Sisters about the difficulties in the government. The latter point, at least,
was certain.
In her letter of 20th May, M. Sacred Heart had told M. Pilar that she
could even accuse her to the Sacred Congregation, that she did not mind as
long as peace could be regained. M. Pilar replied: «... May God in his love not
allow them to know what is happening - I mean the Sacred Congregation of
Bishops and Regulars. Not for your sake, or for anyone in particular, but for
the sake of the Family. For if they have a say in the matter, the same will
happen to us as to the (Congregation) of the Precious Blood; they are now not
a shadow of what they were, and besides, are subjected to a truly terrible
yoke*29. The Family was, of course, the Institute; M. Pilar nearly always
called it by that name. It was a name indicative of her love for it, and of her
sense of responsibility for it, which she was to show excessively and even in a
misdirected way; but, which cannot be forgotten or denied when judging her
intervention in all these sad episodes.
M. Pilar advised her sister: «I beg you, do what I say, without delay.
First, because if you start thinking about it, you will not do it; secondly, it is
urgent, because besides other feelings I have that this will come out by itself,
there is going to be a general meeting at which a delegate has to preside; and
you can imagine that the importance of that cannot be calculated. On the
other hand, looking at your responsibility, I have you very close to my heart;
without judging or excusing you - and I do not swear to it, becausc I do not
think you need that to believe what I say is true. Therefore, I advise you, as it
is needed, and I repeat what I have said before: if for the guidance of our own
27
28
l i t t e r of 7th April 1891.
29
358 Part three: 1887-1893
souls we consult others, what are we obliged to do when wc are responsible for
so many more than our own?* 30
The foregoing paragraphs reveal the pressure which M. Pilar brought
to bear upon her sister throughout those months and the following year. She
argued about the great danger which could befall, becoming a real catastrophe
for the whole Institute. This idea of danger, which she spoke of as imminent,
gave a threatening tone to her words, all the greater because, according to M.
Pilar, the ruin of the Congregation would result in the loss of a religious
vocation for many persons.
All this could be confirmed as a kind of apocalyptic type of literature,
and it is possible to make a cool analysis of it only after the passage of many
years. Those who heard or read M. Pilar's words at that time were greatly
impressed. It is not surprising that M. Sacred Heart should be impressed too,
especially at being accused of responsibility for the cataclysm.
What is surprising in the correspondence between the two Foundresses
is that, after such letters as those we have been commenting, they continued to
write others of little or of no importance. We may only conclude that the great
problem of misunderstanding from which they both suffered - although in
different ways and in different measures - did not completely absorb their
interest in other aspects of life. They wrote to each other about once a week
giving all the family news. They consulted each other about small matters ...
they even exchanged ideas about business or persons, and they often agreed.
Of course, they never showed any fundamental divergence with regard to the
M. Pilar: «Pray for me; truly,

I am in great need*
At this time M. Pilar was separated more than ever from the affairs
of the Congregation. The house in La Coruna, ever since its foundation, had
been the marble tower into which she had retreated. Or rather, it was the
stronghold from which she had aimed the burning darts of her reproaches.
From December 1890 her isolation became even greater. Rome was very far
from Spain.
Her spiritual solitude was great. In September 1890 she had some
days of accord with the other Assistants, and believed she had found support
to begin the reform of the administration of the Institute in the way she
thought necessary. Naturally, that union with the Consultors meant even
30 Ibid.
greater opposition to M. Sacred Heart's government. Then, in Rome she found

herself alone again. The letters she wrote to MM. Maria de la Cruz, San
Javier or Purisima show this clearly: «I am not annoyed with you, and I have
no right to be with anybody, but I am sorry now and have been for years, about
everybody ... May Our Lord not call me to aceount and punish me for that
painful burden I bear, which makes it so hard for me to join in carrying out the
plans, and even the good face I put on before you, and my care not to upset
anybody ...», she said to M. Maria de la Cruz 31 . And she wrote to M.
Purfsima: «... I want you to know that they do not deserve any confidence; that
is, in opposing evil, so I have gone off again, as I have done before, with
different sufferings which not even I can explain, but I do not think God
disapproves...*32 Enclosed as she was in the position she had adopted, her
suffering was no doubt as great as that of M. Sacred Heart, but it was less
innocent. She wrote to Maria del Carmen Aranda:
«... 1 am upset with life and with everyone. I cannot explain it, even
though I try, but I am sure it is a cross from Our Lord; and, as I
accept it so badly, I see I am in great danger. I beg you, because I
know you love me, to pray for me to Our Lord not to condemn me for
taking the path I feel forced to take, if this means being lost; if it does
not, then may He urge me to take it, for I would like something more
than just to be saved, although I am horrified to think what this could
mean for me. So, really do pray for me, I am in great need...* 33
We cannot think she was not speaking the truth when she said that she
was acting according to her conscience; but it is clear that her emotions played
an important part in her reactions. That mixture of honour and injustice, of
sincere affection and sclflove, of humility and pride ... and even of refined
manners and brazenness, was enough to exhaust anyone. It was natural that
M.Piiar should become tired of a struggle which should never have started.
However much she was convinced that her motives were right - and this seems
clear enough - could she deny that it was her own stubbornness in maintaining
her own ideas that had brought about that tense situation?
During those months M. Pilar avoided giving her opinion about the
affairs of government. Maria del Carmen Aranda, as Secretary, was obliged
at times to ask for it: «... I will try to avoid troubling you*, she said, excusing
herself, «but, Mother, in some things you have a duty to speak*. This sentence
31
22nd February 1891.
32
33
360 Pari three: 1887-1893
comes from a letter written in March 1891, and the Secretary ended it with
some expressions very dear to M. Pilar: «Cling to the cross, Mother... if there
is gain in suffering, the greater the suffering the greater the gain. I am
suffering, too. May everything be as Our Lord pleases* . She was even
more explicit a few days later: «Mother, in order to do as I have been told, and
with great heaviness of heart, I am going to speak to you about the business of
Saragossa, and as you know about it already, you must not blame me for
cruelty if I deal with it, but, if you do not want to know how the matter stands,
stop reading this letter...*35 After explaining the whole business M. Maria del
Carmen contbued with words which portray M. Pilar's situation very well, as
seen by her eyes, and also that of M. Sacred Heart:
«1 have reached the end of the copy, Mother, and if you have had
the patiencc to read it, I think you will have grasped the matter. M.
(General) is awaiting the written conditions from the lady36 so as to
have a vote ... You have no idea how much Mother is suffering. Her
heart is wounded, and it makes mine bleed too; and she is determbed
not to undertake anything or to take a srnglc step unless everyone
agrees. I don't want to bterfere b anything, Mother, cxcept to pray,
but do allow mc to say that as Mother (General) is so ready to give
in (and may God grant that things don't go further than that) why,
Mother, do you not help to consolidate union and bring the peace that
God wants b his works? I would like to know how to say what I
think, and I know I am imprudent and bdiscreet. The Lord knows
what I would give to take this horrible suffering from you and from
Mother ...»37
The letters written by M. Pilar to Fr. Urraburu durrng her stay b

Rome have not been preserved, but we do have his replies. We can guess from
them that M. Pilar revealed herself b her letters just as she was seen by the
Assistants: overwhelmed, restless, sad; but trying to seek God along a path
which, she says, was difficult and hard for her; the path, which, to us knowing
the facts, seems to be the greatest mistake of her life. Fr. Urr^buru's direction
follows the general lines of his spirituality. «It seems to me more loyal and
more fitting for a religious to explarn the question simply and clearly, and the
34
35
From the sentence underlined (which was not so in the original) it can be seen that M.
Carmen knew of M. Pilar's unwillingness to intervene in some affairs.
36
A benefactress of the house in Saragossa.
37
Letter of 29th March 1891,
347
arguments which support it, although not bringing out anything personal or
anything which might hurt M. General. Once the matter has been explained
to Mother briefly and clearly, you just have to hope that the decision will be for
God's greater glory... We have to trust that God will inspire Superiors to make
good and right decisions and if it happens that they are not, you know that God
will direct and guide toward a good end* 38 . Thus he answered a query from
M. Pilar. But as her uncertainty increased, he wrote on one occasion that he
would not write any more because he could think of nothing which might help
her. «Always console yourself with the idea that God Our Lord will see that
all is for His greater glory, becausc you are all persons desirous of perfection
and of doing His will in everything... After you have explained everything you
think, sincerely in the divine presence, calm yourself by knowing that, when you
do as you are ordered as well as you can, you will be doing a great service to
the Congregation* 39 . Fr. Urraburu's letters at this time give the impression
of being very generalised at times, and at others they proffer very sound
doctrine, but it is rather severe for M. Pilar. The fact that she acceptcd such
spiritual direction, makes us realise once again that, in spite of her mistakes,
she was blindly seeking God's will. Writing to M. Maria del Carmen Aranda
about the delicate situation in the government caused by her attitude, she said:
«You say that if Fr. Cermeno were still directing me I would not have cut
myself off from you. Believe me, Maria del Carmen; I know now why he was
taken from me and I was given Fr. UrrSburu. These are well-made links for
my present circumstances, God's own handwork. Fr. Cermeno would be no
help to me now; I would only go to pieces. He thinks too highly of mc, and he
has less prudence than Fr. Urraburu; to my mind, it excels all his other
talents...*
«l find it very hard to bear this silence of yours...»
After the autumn of 1890 and throughout 1891, the other General
Assistants maintained their undecided, ambiguous attitudes towards M.
General. Some words of M. Sacred Heart addressed to her Secretary about this
time express this clearly: «1 do not know what is the disposition of these
Mothers; it is not bad, but perhaps it is my fault; I don't know; I do not
understand them. Seemingly, all is well... I don't know! I am very peaceful, and
38
39
40
362 Pari three: 1887-1893
I try to act quite naturally, I don't know if something other than that comes
out...» 41 That paragraph, in the way it is written, reflects clearly her
confusion with regard to the Assistants, which must have been the same as they
were feeling about her, and it shows her concern to understand them and to
appear natural... Above all, it reveals the lack of spontaneity between them, in
spite of their good wills. Having lost the confidence of the early days, even
their efforts to save appearances caused tensions.
M. Sacred Heart was suffering from a strange kind of immobility, an
excessive prudcncc which commanded the situation:
«You have me badly trained, and I find this silence of yours very
hard to bear. So let it be; and 1 do not want to go against your will.
Quite the contrary, treat me as you see the new General should be
treated, because even the memory of the old one has been lost. Poor
dear!* 42
She began to experience a very unfamiliar atmosphere, far removed

from the joyous, trusting ways of other times. Seeking the cause, M. Sacred
Heart wrote to M. Maria de la Cruz: «... I want you to make some notes about
the causes that exist in the Congregation which bring so much harm to the five
of us. Write them out well because they have to be given into the hands of
authority. Send them to me, and I will send them on with the notes from the
other Assistants, because they know about it» 43 . The letters sent to the other
Consultors have been lost, it they were ever written, and the reply from M.
Maria de la Cruz is the only one which has been preserved. She wrote on 11th
April: «I do not know what to say about the reasons which exist in the
Congregation which cause lack of understanding between those who govern*.
That is how she began, but it seems that she knew very well what she wanted
to say, and she said it with all the harshness of her style:
«It seems to mc that in the first place, the devil has sown the cockle
of disunion between the two Foundresses; so much so that it is
transmitted to the others. Secondly, that the Very Rev. M. General is
annoyed with advice from the Assistants, considering that they are a
hindrance to her. Hence springs distrust on both sides, and charity
becomes cold, little by little. Many things are carried to an extreme,
both sides seeking the best, but with no prudence, and sometimes lack
41
42
To M. Maria de la Cru7„ 15th February 1891.
43
Letter of 3nJ April 1891.
347
of rcspect is shown to M. General. One sees in Rev. Mother and in

M. Pilar works done with great effort; but, what one does, the other
sees with displeasure. Rev. Mother does not show sufficient
competence, especially in business matters, and she only wants to
follow her own opinion. She says that she sees everything clearly, and
works are carried out unsuccessfully, so one does not dare to
intervene, and she is left to act alone, and no one is satisfied. 1 think
I have said enough to show the sad state of the Congregation, and it
is all said in confidence, although I have been told that this is to go to
authorized hands, without saying whose, and that I should write what
I see in the presence of the Lord».
It was quite unjust to say that M. Sacred Heart wanted to «put forward
only her own opinion*. She always consulted the Assistants on important
matters; and she consulted M. Pilar in particular on important and on trivial
matters. But in recent times, beginning with her return from Rome, the care
to maintain a constant interchange of information had reached such a point
that it hindered the activity of the government, although it revealed M. Sacred
Heart's desire to obtain the intervention of the Assistants in all that was
incumbent upon them. If the notes of M. Maria de la Cruz are studied word
for word, some contradictions will be found: if she thought that the cause of all
the troubles was that the weeds sown between the Foundresses had spread to
the others, then, knowing that the seeds of disunion were to be found in herself
too, she should have been doubtful about those opinions which she asserted so
categorically: «works are undertaken without discretion*. Had M. Sacred
Heart's government made so many important mistakes? Even in the matters
which had not come out successfully, was their lack of ability to be blamed for
that? We have only to reflect on the development of the business of the house
of St. Joseph.
In these circumstances, M. General, realizing how little she was
esteemed by some of the Consultors, and the lack of confidence in others, and
in general, the whole uncomfortable situation, devoted herself to doing what
she could: to fulfil scrupulously her duties towards the Assistants, to continue
to act as far as they approved her decisions - keeping strictly to the letter of
the Constitutions - to pray much, to understand as far as possible... and to
pardon always. But not only that, knowing that there was a limit to all efforts,
M. Sacred Heart sought with absolute determination a way of resigning from
her post in the government of the Institute.
Her correspondence with M. Maria del Carmen Aranda reveals rather
well some aspects of the suffering she endured during those months. She spoke
in confidence to her Secretary, commenting on some details of her behaviour,
giving her advice, pointing out some possible effects of her reactions with
364 Pari three: 1887-1893
regard to the business of government.
«The Consultors or Assistants are very much together, and very

united, with long conversations, I think. I have a smile on my lips; God
grant that I may never lose that. Pray to God, and if not for me, for
them; may everything be settled so that we may have peace* 44 .
«For the glory of God and the good of the Congregation 1 would
like you to pay more attention to the Mothers than to me, and write
to them more than to me» 45 .
«Do not be sorry about me; I am making expiation as 1 ought, or
even less, because God is all merciful. I do not know how to give
advice to you or to anyone else... so I think that my mission is to be
silent until light comes from on high, and to be very recollected so as
to take full advantage of it, and so that all of you and myself may
come through this incomprehensible chaos into which we are plunged;
at least, for me, and I have you with me. I believe that Our Lord will
hear you, and this calms me, or rather, it encourages me very
much* 46 .
«Don't you ask me to tell you everything? I am not displeased,
although I am not happy with a certain spirit of things, as you arc
sometimes with those Mothers, when you see they are not acting in the
way you think is right for the Institute; and that is what I see in the
Mothers and somewhat in you since you came when M. Pilar was here.
Perhaps I am mistaken, and so I am better when ... I keep silencc
about everything and I withdraw from all and from everything, and if
I do act, I give offence. If I am deceived, ask Our Lord to open my
eyes; I am constantly praying for that. And if your prayer is not heard,
let us all be patient until God wants to make a change* 47 .
«Mother, we do not understand each other; May God allow this to
change* 48 .
«Pray to God, Mother, that I may get used to that kind of authority
which the Assistants have... Mother, although you may be speaking the
truth, speak always humbly, not with authority; at times the manner of
speaking is most important* 49 .
44
Letter of 22nd September 1890.
45
U t t e r of 28th September 1890.
46
U t t e r of 5th January 1891.
47
U t t e r of January 1891.
48
January 1891.
49
13th February 1891.
347
«Do not think badly about my being rather withdrawn from the
business; not withdrawn, rather just leaving them (the Assistants) in
complete liberty to act, and giving them all the time they need to think
about it; for you know that this has been one of the greatest faults I
have committed, and I want to amend as far as I can. So, without any
delay on my part, and without omitting to give some advice (because
my activity comes out), afterwards I keep quiet and pray, and
peacefully I see the days go by with no decisions made. But, if this is
what Our Lord wants, 1 want it too. And what rest I find! v.50
«Pray for much humility and meekness, and don't get slack, for
although it may not seem so, these two virtues are bottled up in the
Congregation. Pray for me, for I am the most needy, and pray that I
may do the right things, and that all may be pleasing to God» 51 .
Some of these letters require a little explanation. For example, those

written about M. Maria de la Cruz's actions in Saragossa. There was great
poverty in that house at that time; the conditions in the house and above all in
the Church were very bad. Then a lady appeared, ready to give a large
donation which would have solved the problem. But the lady asked to be
allowed to live in the house, in a room outside the enclosure. This could have
caused difficulties, and there were long discussions in the General Council. It
was finally accepted by a majority - M. Pilar voted against it - on condition that
several points aimed at safeguarding religious observance and the liberty of the
community were fulfilled. It hardly needs to be said that the whole question
of Saragossa was a long process because of the circumstances of the governing
body of the Institute; that is, in view of the suspicions of the Consultors and the
scrupulosity of the General in obtaining their opinions by means of a formal
vote. M. Maria de la Cruz in charge of supervising the operation, acted
sometimes quite contrary to her own criteria, by trying to go forward before all
the Assistants had given their opinion.
M. Sacred Heart wrote to the Secretary: «Read the letter from M.
Maria de la Cruz. I think 1 do not explain myself to her; you have a look. You
know that I have been against anything being done to the work before the votes
are taken about the lady, because that is absolutely necessary. There is M.
(Maria de la Cruz) trying non-stop to push things forward. Write to her and
say that nothing can be done till this voting is finished and all the votes are in.
And the same applies to the contract, even though they are all in favour; but
it must be done formally, with a secret vote. This was my fault when I said to
50
U t t e r of 17th Aprii 1891.
51
April 1891.
366 Pari three: 1887-1893
you that I agreed. I did not realize then that there had to be a secret vote, and
we had to await the reply... Be careful with these things, and let me know» 52 .
Once confidence had been lost, the very fulfilment of the Constitutions
ran the risk of being mere slavery to the letter. In practice, not only had the
joy and affection of old been lost, but there was no longer the necessary
promptness in negotiating business. This could be seen in the matter of
Saragossa, and was manifest in another letter written to M. Maria de la Cruz:
»My dear Mother, Remember the past troubles, they were all
caused by this same kind of thing. I beg you to speak to D. Joaquin
Delgado and ask him to wait before confirming the contract until the
canonical document is ready. ... Only one vote is missing, and we have
asked for it; so, for love of God, make them wait seven or eight days
for us... It is impossible to begin the work before the vote is taken on
whether Da. Dolores should be accepted as a boarder. ... We have to
wait for M. Pilar's reply, because the business is not valid without her
vote. Do you think that I am not interested in thk matter? Yes,
Mother, I am, very much, more than I can say. But I would give up
my desire rather than act against what is ordered by the Church. Even
if we were all unanimously agreed, there must be a secret vote...»53
It would seem logical that after a public agreement on any matter, the
secret vote should repeat that same opinion. Yet, this was not the case on
some occasions, and was the cause of much bitterness. There may be several
explanations for this: the Assistants' lack of training in their duties as
Consultors, weakness when the moment camc to uphold their personal criteria,
cowardice when expressing their opinion before others... The most serious
reason of all, insincerity, cannot justly be affirmed, although at times there is
some temptation to do so. Perhaps M. Maria del Carmen Aranda had more
facts than we have. In her report she considered M. Purlsima's behaviour at
this time to be extremely ambiguous and disconcerting. «She vied with M.
General in her desires to extend the Institute, to undertake new things, to trust
in God, etc... but thk was, as we might say, all inside; then, officially, she got
out of it. One day when she was giving her opinion, I realized that she was not
following what she had said about acting officially, for then she went on as she
thought she ought to do* 54 . And on another occasion M. Maria del Carmen
quoted some words from a letter of M. Purisima, illustrating the same theme.
52
24th April 1891.
53
23rd April 1891.
54
History ofM. Pilar I, p. 12-13.
The letter was written to the General Secretary and spoke about the house of
St. Joseph and her desire and concern to save it; then she added: «What I have
said about this house is only for you, and it is what I think; but afterwards I will
have to take notice of my reason and my conscience* 55 .
It is evident that the Institute, at least on the government level, was
experiencing a notable loss: that of liberty of heart. They had started along a
road on which it was impossible to reach the joy of a peaceful life. M. General
quite rightly yearned for the simple community living: «The spirit of simplicity
captivates my heart, it is in the houses and I think it is religious; but that
domineering spirit of the Council, I cannot stand* 56 . Simplicity, sister of
humility, was in danger; although it still existed in many, very many innocent
Sisters in the Congregation, it seems it did not exist in the Council. For M.
Sacred Heart, fidelity for responding to the vocation of the Institute could only
be found on the plain, level ground of humility:
«Mother, pray that the whole Congregation may be very humble,

especially myself, for it is in this kind of soul that God will find rest
from the many offences against Him, and which we who are
consecrated to Him, commit*^7.
«Do not slacken your prayers or the desire to be humble*, she

repeated shortly afterwards . Concord, simplicity, peace. Humility, humility,
humility. That was the cry of her whole being towards the «True, the just God,
whom alone we must trust* and «in Him alone seek a remedy for
everything*59.
55
Letter of 1st December 1890.
56
To M. Maria de la Cruz, 20th February 1891.
57
58
To M. Maria de) Carmen Aranda, 24th April 1891.
Ibid. 2nd May 1891.
59 Ibid. 25th A p r i l 1891.
Chapter V
UNSUCCESSFUL ATTEMPTS
A slow agony
The agony of the second house in Madrid was prolonged throughout

1891. In one of the Consultors' meetings in January, «M. Purisima said briefly
that it was necessary to start thinking about closing the house of St. Joseph, and
M. General answered that if it was time, it should be closed*1. That short
paragraph of the Minutes reflects the vagueness and indecision which prevailed
in the matter, and it is an example of the working of the government of the
Institute in the final years of M. Sacred Heart's Generalate.
In the meantime there were sufferings of every kind in that house:
frequent illnesses, serious in some cases. Two religious died, and some others
received the Last Sacraments. For a long time there were sick Sisters who
needed constant attention. All this contributed to create an atmosphere of
pessimism. But the community strove to the very end to maintain the ideal that
M. Sacred Heart had imprinted in the spirit of them all. They worked to the
last. They adored Our Lord in that Chapel which had been a stumbling block
and the cause of so many difficulties. The Diary of the house records a detail
which gives us an idea of the spirit of that community. In February 1891 they
were only seven, including the sick Sisters, and M. General said that they
should have Exposition of the Blessed Sacramcnt only until eleven-thirty in the
morning:
«We began to do everything possible to avoid this order being put

into effect; we begged M. General several times ... for love of God, not
to take away the Exposition from us; we explained that we could easily
do our work and the Adorations, and the house would be very sad if
it were taken away. In spite of all our requests M. General continued
to say "no" quite firmly, because she thought that was prudent; she
thought it was impossible for us to do everything with so few Sisters.
She was afraid they would be overworked. Then we turned to God in
prayer ... and to Our Lady asking her to obtain that for us from God,
because she, as a loving Mother, could not be refused. And so it was;
for our M. General's heart was touched, and she granted what we so
1
Minutes of Council Meetings, 28th January 1891.
C.5. Unsuccessful attempts 369
much desired; we had the joy of not having one day without the
Blessed Sacrament exposed* .
By April no decision had yet been reached: «It is time to say

something about that house now, and I think that you, in my name, should
point out or ask the Mothers what is to be done, so that no one can say that
I have washed my hands of these matters* 3 . About this time the Carmelites
had a chapel in Madrid in circumstances similar to those of St. Joseph's. One
day a Jesuit Father asked M. Sacred Heart: «So, the Chapel is going to be
opened?* «I don't know, Father* «Yes, I know it on good authority, becausc
the Nuncio has sided with the Carmelites, and he says that you are in the same
boat...* M. General reported this dialogue in a letter to her Secretary, and she
ended with these words: «And I say be silent and pray, and may the divine will
be done* 4 .
«If the house has to be closed, then of course the Chapel should not
be opened to the public, rather this permission must be opposed until we can
see if the house has to be closed...* M. Pilar wrote thus to M. Purisima just
at the time when the latter was most active in the matter. M. Purisima seemed
to be so much in agreement with M. Pilar, yet at the same time wanting to
please M. General and M. Maria del Carmen in the difficult business of the
house; and this would be a real puzzle if wc did not look at it in the general
context of the ambiguous attitudes shown throughout this time by the most
qualified of M. Sacred Heart's Assistants.
One of the reasons why the Bishop of Madrid would not recognize the
Chapel as publie was that the Handmaids did not own the building. By the
middle of April they began to have a hope of buying the house. The Assistants
had varied opinions, as they had on all matters at this time, and some of them
wavered. «M. Purisima, very keen and vehement about buying the house in
Madrid, and foreseeing very good results. «May God grant it, if that is His
will... I see it, and I think it's a dream...* M. Sacred Heart comments with
these words in a letter to M. Maria del Carmen Aranda, speaking of the
surprising changc in M. Purisima who had in January pointed out the need to
close the house of St. Joseph, and now was cherishing the hope of buying a new
building. And, while M. General with her Secretary was visiting the houses iu
La Coruna and Bilbao, M. Purisima, with M. San Javier, was making enquiries
m Madrid 5 .
2
Diary of the House of St. Joseph, pp. 28-30.
Letter to M. Maria del Carmen Aranda, 17th April 1891.
4
U t t e r of 18th April 1891.
5
Letter from M. Sacred Heart to Maria del Carmen, 24th April 1891.
370 Part three: 1887-1893
Before these changing opinions, M. Sacred Heart merely waited: «I

think the same as ever about that house, and if I am not taking an active part
it is better that way. Let us pray and not give up hope, for we trust in the All-
powerful. What a consolation!*6 «Pray in peace, and if God does not want
the house, I say the same as always: let the house go; our souls come first.
Now the Mothers have begun to hurry, for three years they have done nothing,
and now they want to finish. May God give me patience. If they had not
turned back and had calmed Maria del Pilar, the house would be going on well
today, and we would be in a better position. All that I did in Rome has not
helped me much there, and I am left alone and considered rash and a
deceiver...*7
The slow death of the house of St. Joseph had the merit of keeping the
General and her Secretary united; the Secretary was also the Superior of the
community. M. General said on one occasion: «Only you and I really
remember that house* 8 . And another time she said: «I think you should
meditate on Our Lord's passion for some days, because Our Lord's sorrows
sweeten our own...*9 The deep distrust within the Council also had its impact
on the relationship between the two. But M. Maria del Carmen was still at her
side during 1891, a poor consolation in her desolation.
Between Spring and Summer of 1891 they tried out the possibility of
acquiring a house in that same St. Bernard Street. The owners were asking
80,000 duros for it, and M. Sacred Heart trusted in getting help from D.
Fulgencio Tabemero. There was no doubt about this gentleman's generosity,
although his donations were subject to uncertainty. «Don Fulgencio is
sometimes pleasant, sometimes brusque; sometimes lively, at other times
withdrawn; but he is always good and kind to us* 10 . He had already given
them a large sum which was applied to the foundation in Rome. Could more
be expected from him?
The house of St. Joseph had been rented for three years, and this
period would expire in the Summer. A decision was urgent. M. General had
a meeting with her Consultors on 5th September (except, of course, M. Pilar
who was still in Rome). Maria del Carmen Aranda reports that it was very
difficult to obtain a clear opinion from the Assistants in this matter - they had
sent it in writing beforehand - «bccause changes were made in the proposal
which were accepted by some, but not by others, so that neither a tie nor a
6
7
Letter from M. Sacred Heart to M. Maria del Carmen, 25th May 1891.
8
Letter of 1st January 1891.
9
Letter of 24th-25th August 1891.
10
MARIA DEL CARMEN ARANDA History ofM. Sacred Heart I, p.89.
majority was obtained* 11 . It was a confused situation, a result of the

indecision typical of all this period. They finally decided, in the midst of that
confusion, that M. General should write again to Don Fulgencio asking for
help. The letter was sent, but «without any hope of success*, and consequently
«on 9th the children were sent home from school, and they were told that there
would be no school this year bccause there was going to be some work done
in the house* 12 .
M. Sacred Heart's last negotiations failed. On 19th September in
another meeting of the Council, it was decided to close the foundation. «The
story of this house is about to end, the lease will expire on 4th October. All
the troubles it has gone through may be seen fron what has been written about
it*. That note was written by M. Maria del Carmen Aranda, a contemporary.
Although the sorrow of the community deserves consideration, it was of little
importance compared with that of the poor people affected by the closure of
the school. The Diary gives an account of this: «... The children were sent away
with much sorrow; they were told that there would be no school this year.
When the mothers of the children learned of this they began to blame the
Government, because the Bishop would not take away anything so good; and
they went away with great sorrow* 13 . Those poor women did not trust the
Governors of the country. Theirs was a holy innocence. They did not know
that the Bishop had had a part in the ruin of that foundation; still less could
they suspect that another government, that of the Congregation had finished
the job. Many years before, M. Sacred Heart had said: «A11 united in
everything..., we shall get whatever we want*. At that time they did not have
the strong power of unity which no doubt would have been sufficient to
overcome the resistance of the Bishop and the economic poverty. On 28th
September M. General wrote to her Secretary: «May the divine will be done*.
But her desire to save the house was so great, that on the following day she
wrote: «I am still praying with great faith because God can change everything
in a moment*.
In her historic report, M. Maria del Carmen concluded:
«The Lord knows what his plans were in all that He wanted and
permitted. All M. General's work in Rome for the Chapel to be open
and the aims of the Institute fulfilled - work which would have brought
about a triumph for that foundation - it was squashed, neutralised,
came to nothing. The house was closcd... The very acts themselves
11
Ibid. Private Diary of house of St. Joseph p. 53.
n
Ibid. p. 54.
13
Diary of the school, p.27.
378Partthree: 1887-1893
give proof of the humility, faith, resignation and sweetness of M.

General in this trial. It is a chain of heroic acts which link up her life
as martyr, victim, saint»14.
The woman who earned those epithets was still living at the time when
M. Maria del Carmen wrote her account, she was still adding new links to the
chain of her sanctity. We think it important to say this so that no one may be
tempted to reduce the value of the praise continued in those words. They were
not part of an obituary notice, they were not written at the moment when only
the best in a person is remembered, and we mention them in order to bless
their memory.
One of M. Sacred Heart's greatest dreams died with the house of St.
Joseph. She wrote to M. Maria del Carmen: «I am hoping for great good
things, in proportion to the sorrows, because this is God's way of working, if
it is not a punishment for me, because I alone have been the cause of it all.
Thanks be to God, who is the Father of all mercy. This removes all restlessness
and sorrow* 1S . A long ehapter of suffering also ended with the closing of the
house, all of which had been a great experience for the General. «If I had
known what Our Lord had in reserve, neither this house nor the one in Cadiz
nor the one in Rome would have been founded. But now nothing can be done;
so I am trying not to forget this great lesson, which is imprinted in the depths
of my soul...»16 She did not usually indulge in sterile nostalgia, so she began
to consider the small positive consequences of the closure of the house: «We
ought to be glad in part, because there will be more people, and the charges
can be fdled», she said in a letter to Maria del Carmen Aranda 17 . She was
always generous, and here she added a sentence which expressed her affection
for her Secretary, for that Maria del Carmen who had shared many fears and
hopes with her, and who was now suffering the same pain for the loss of the
house: «... And you will be quite near, and I'll see to it that you do not have a
bad time, or suffer mueh».
In spite of M. Pilar's efforts, the business in Rome was not to be

favourably concluded during the whole of that year. Several times she was on
the point of obtaining a house b good conditions, and each time the business
came to nothing. M. Pilar had occasion to write to D. Fulgencio Tabernero
about this matter, and she hinted at some of her complabts about the financial
14
History of M. Sacred Heart I, p, 204-205.
15
Letter, end of September 1891.
16
Ibid.
17
28th September 1891.
situation of the Institute. M. Sacred Heart refers to one of these letters when
writing to her sister on 2nd June:
«Don Fulgencio ... read me your letter, and I was sorry about the
way it was written. I think that until we get rid of that spirit of
displeasure and tension we are losing more than we gain, and we are
not pleasing God. It was quite clear how you were pulling the
Congregation down. Don't be like that, for love of God. In trying to
do good, for that is the intention, the seculars are rather disedified.
I am not sad; I am happy; but, I don't know what I would do to make
you happy...»
Unacceptable proposition
M. Sacred Heart's government, just like the house of St. Joseph,

dragged on throughout 1891 in a kind of agony, but there was to be no ending
until 1892. It is indeed surprising that in spite of such serious troubles, Mother
was able to carry on visiting the houses, encouraging, concerning herself and
looking after the more important affairs of the Institute. Her chief concern was
training in the spirit of the Constitutions and drawing up the definitive
document. After seeking advice from several Jesuits, she obtained a promise
of help from Fr. Jos6 Maria Velez at the beginning of Summer. He came with
a good recommendation for the Handmaids from Frs. Muzurdbal and
Urrdburu, He was to intervene in solving the conflict within the general
government. As has already been said, the crisis there was increasing daily. We
shall mention briefly the principal phases in chronological order.
The atmosphere had become more and more tense after the letter
written by M. Sacred Heart to M. Filar (28th March) informing her of her
desire to resign from the charge, and then the reply in which M. Pilar refused
to support the plan (7th April 1890) but suggested a consultation by M.
General and the Assistants with Fr. Muruzdbal or Fr. Urraburu. All that has
been written so far confirms this. In the Summer new causes of disquiet
appeared. M. Sacred Heart went to Cadiz at the end of July. That foundation
had been made in the previous year, and in some ways was still not firmly
established. When tbe house was opened in Christopher Columbus Street, the
Chapel was still being planned; the one in use since the day of the inauguration
was only provisional. When M. Sacred Heart visited the house in July 1891 she
studied the possibility of moving the house to St. Francis Street. It seemed an
advantageous project, but she did not decide on her own. She consulted the
380Partthree: 1887-1893
Assistants. The lack of confidence which she felt with regard to this business
made her try once again to resign from the government. There was not
sufficient reason on this one occasion to justify her decision, but it was one of
a series of misunderstandings and fears. Thus M. Sacred Heart showed the
suffering she felt as a General who was no longer esteemed by her Consultors
as in former times.
M. Maria de la Cruz and M. San Javier went to Cadiz to see the house
and to judge the benefits of a change. After their return to Madrid they joined
M. Purisima in trying to persuade the two foundresses to carry on the
government alone as in the days before they had papal approval. They had
spoken to M. Sacrcd Heart in Andalusia. To M. Pilar who was in Rome they
made the same suggestion in writing:
«,..We would like, freely, spontaneously and joyfully, to try onee

again to establish the course of the early days, in which there was such
peace and joy, and at the same time so much glory was given to God.
So, we eould make an agreement in private, we the three Assistants,
the undersigned, to cede all our attributes in the government to you
two, equally... and we would not, of course, intervene in any business
you undertake or any decisions you make together. We know that the
Church does not approve of absolute government for the
Congregation; but our desire is not to disobey her, but to make an
exception for you two as Foundresses, trusting that God would grant
you the same lights as before, and the same good would come to birth
again...»18
Was it possible that they could be quite sure of the suitability of that
step? It is difficult to believe so, on account of the judgement the three
Assistants bad made about the Foundresses by this time. But what is quite
unthinkable is that they should consider that M. Pilar would accept this idea
favourably. Could it also be that at least one of the Consultors wanted just
another proof that the government in the hands of the Foundresses was not
viable? The letter could also be interpreted as a veiled admonition, in M.
Purisima's style: «We know that the Church did not approve an absolute
government for the Congregation...*
M. Pilar, quite rightly rejected their claim: «I do not think that you
have any power to make the arrangement you want; and besides, even if there
were no other important reasons, I could not give in to you in that* 19 .
IA Letter written about 20th August 1891.

^ Letter of 24th August 1891.
M.Sacred Heart rejected the idea when M. Maria de la Cruz made a similar
proposal some years before; and she did the same this time.
A useless journey
As on so many occasions, M. Pilar's opinion about the means for

solving that tense situation, finally prevailed. She thought that M. General and
her Assistants should speak in confidence to Fr. MuruzAbal or to Fr. Urraburu.
The latter resided in Ona, and at the beginning of September they all went
there.
M. Sacred Heart found it very difficult to decide on such a step; not
because she did not trust Fr. Urraburu, - she thought highly of his virtue and
prudence - but because she was sure it would be useless. She wrote to her
Secretary on the day of their departure: «... One more petition: that in Ona we
may obtain the good desired result. What a sacrifice it is for me!* 20 The
longest account of this visit is to be found in the writings of M. Maria de la
Cruz «V.R. Mother set out with M.Maria de la Cruz GSlvez; she went first and
awaited the other two Assistants in Burgos ... When the other two arrived, M.
Maria de la Purisima Bajo and M. San Javier Borrego, they all went on to Ona,
where very soon M. Pilar arrived... This was on 9th or 10th September 1891.
They spoke to the Father, and then we continued in the house where we were
staying. M. Pilar suggested that to save the Congregation from its troubles and
its burden of debts, she should take on the whole administration, without
following the Constitutions, but should do everything in her own way.
M.Purisima refused to accept this. She said that she would then be above the
General; then everything ended in bitterness, having attained nothing, and we
spent the night in that house very sadly..,»21 This rough report, typical of
M.Maria de la Cruz, had notes added later inserted in the same volume of the
Chronicles. According to this additional story: when the two Foundresses saw
in a preliminary conversation with the whole Council, that they could not come
to an agreement, «they did not dare even to see Fr. UrrSburu, and they sent
M. Maria de la Purisima and M. Maria de la Cruz to speak to him, only to let
him know that they could not agree». From the same source we learn that only
on the following day, in the confessional, did M. General speak to the Jesuit,
«who saw clearly that the journey was useless, although this Father always
agreed with M. Maria del Pilar» 22 .
20
Letter to Maria del Carmen Aranda, 9th September 1891.
21
Chronicles I, pp. 309-10.
376 Part three: 1887-1893
M. General and the Assistants returned to Madrid. One day later,

M.Pilar left Ona, on the way to Rome again.
All means were becoming exhausted. In fact, no other recourse was
left but that proposed by M. Sacred Heart at the beginning of the difficulties:
her resignation. And, if it is studied well, it can be seen that she foresaw this
ending from the very day of her election as General, that 13th May 1887; a day
still so near, yet seemingly lost in the distance, in a cloud of difficulties and
regrets.
A letter from M. Pilar to her sister throws some light on the range of
difficulties between the two:
«You do not know how sorry I am to be so out of tune with you,

and to make you suffer so much. But I cannot act against my
conscience when God also makes me see things in this way... although
I do not deny that all has been done in good faith. Our family in the
world were acting in good faith, and God knows how much it cost me
to displease them, for I do not have a heart of stone. I have never
regretted it, and I do not think I did wrong then nor afterwards with
all I did at the time of the French sisters, and with Fray Ceferino etc.,
etc. Nothing worries me, thank God. Rather, I think that all that I
put up with was very useful for the glory of God and the good of my
soul»
If M. Pilar considered that the difficulties in the government were in

the same plan of Providence which guided the events which gave rise to the
Institute, could there be any hope that she would easily change her inflexible
attitude?
Fr. Velez's intervention
In Autumn Fr. Velez began to explain the Constitutions in the house

in Madrid. «... He explains the rules, very well, three times a week and he is
arranging the Constitutions*, M. Sacred Heart informed her sister at the end
of October 24 . M. Maria de la Cruz wrote in her Chronicles-. «The Father is
very helpful; not only does he come regularly, but as he is explaining the rules,
one of the Mothers is taking notes, and then the Father corrects them carefully.
So we have these beautiful explanations as a help for everybody now and for
23
24
those who come in the future, because copies are being made, and are read
sometimes in the Novitiates and in the Tertianship...* Thus it seemed that
Fr. V61ez was going to join the gallery of famous men in the Institute (Ortiz
Urruela, Cotanilla, Urr^buru...) M. Maria de la Cruz continued: «As his
teaching is so highly esteemed and as he is so clever and very good, the
Mothers began to appreciate him greatly. M. Pilar also, from Rome, was very
pleased, and often said something about her hope that this Fr. V6lez might be
able with his advice to help the malaise in the Congregation; and it seems that
she said this to Fr. Juan Josd Urrdburu* 26 . This Father, in a letter to M.
Purisima, congratulated the Institute for its good fortune in finding such a
learned and helpful Jesuit. «If I am not mistaken this has to be for the great
glory of God and for your good. I have written to him, asking him to listen
carefully and patiently to all who wish to speak to him And I think that you
too, with all modesty and humility, should explain all that is needed for him to
understand everything, so that when occasion arises, he may all the better
advise you; always of course, with consideration for those persons who are so
good* 27 M. Maria de la Cruz recounts that Fr. V61ez did indeed begin to
listen to them, and to her he said: «that she should have a large heart, because
a small heart was not ready for doing great things. She told him that she had,
and she could see no remedy. She also thought that if he became over
whelmed he would leave us. He answered that if he saw that no notice was
taken of his advice, then she could be sure that he would have no more to do
with us*28. Later events showed that Fr. Velez did not have the untiring
paticncc which some other Jesuits had.
«What I am planning is my resignation*
In November, after several more letters between the Foundresses had

crossed, in which they had expressed their opinion regarding the government
of the Institute - they did not contain anything new to add to what has been
seen here - M. Sacred Heart thought that the time had arrived to go forward
with the matter of her resignation. She proposed that the date for the General
meeting should be brought forward, in order to help the progress of the
25
Chronicles I, pp. 333-334.
26
Ibid. I, pp. 396-397.
27
The letter is copied in the Chronicles of MARIA DE LA CRUZ I, p. 397-398.
28
Chronicles I, p. 339.
Part three: 1887-1893
Congregation 29 : «... As we are now in the middle of the year in which there
should be a general meeting ... it could be held now, at Christmas, because
there is some important business which has to be settled urgently. We have to
decide on the meeting place, who is to preside, etc. and inform the houses so
that they can vote for those who have to come, ete.» This was b a letter to her
sister on 22nd November.
The answer was not long b arriving: «You tell me that you want to
have the General Congregation, and that 1 should give my opinion on who
should preside; and I answer that neither you, nor I, nor the whole Institute
together can decide that, rather the Sacred Congregation of Bishops and
Regulars, and the result of the General Congregation has to be sent there. And
so, consider well what you are doing, for it could be the end of this poor
Institute... because when they realize its material situation they will take away
our exposition of the Blessed Sacrament, and they will oblige us to do one of
the charitable works for money, so as to support ourselves... You have never
wanted to listen to me, and if at times you have seemed to do so, it was only
to make things worse... But, so as not to fail even this time to give you the
consolation and light that I can, I repeat what I have said so often: make
known clearly to some competent person, at least the material situation of the
Institute (now, as we have lost the hope of the others, this as far as I am
concerned, would be Fr. Velez, who I see is greatly mterested, and this is a
special grace from God)... But I warn you, if you still go on about taking the
charge from you, the same thing will happen as always, because if you only say
that, no one will listen, and it will not help* 30 . M. Sacred Heart wrote on
2nd December: «You have guessed right; what I am planning is my resignation,
and so I want you, and I beg you to come, because as it is a general meeting,
an Apostolic Delegate has to preside, nothing has to go through Rome and
proposals will be completed at once. I think that, when this is done, everything
will fit b t o place... I am authorized by a very competent person to take this
step... I am sure that if you see that it is good to have a meeting without sayrng
the real reason... everyone will come quite happily. If you condemn it, the
Mothers will too» 31 .
It seemed that M. Pilar was beginning to accept the idea of a
resignation, but she emphatically rejected holding a general meeting. Even
after the experience b Ona, where the Council had gathered to consult Fr.
29
The words «junta» «meeting», or ^General Congregations were applied without distinction
to the General Chapter which had to meet periodically in the Institute, each five years according
to the Constitutions.
30
31 Letter of 2nd December 1891.
Urriburu, she still believed that everything could be solved by following the
guidance of a learned Jesuit: «lt seems to me that if you placc yourself and the
affairs in the hands of Fr. V61ez, he will guide you well, and would even (if
God allows it) do what you want. But if you insist on a meeting, 1 shall not be
present or do anything here, because I feel I cannot take part in it, and that is
the truth» 32 .
Could anyone reasonably think that Fr. Vfilez, or any other eminent
person would be able to solve such a deep problem? A short letter from M.
Pilar reveals this as a vain hope: «My dear sister, I have heard of the change
of personnel in La Coruna, and the rest, and 1 say this with great pain in my
heart. What is Rudesinda 33 going to do about that poor work and even about
the whole Family? (for I know about the changes in other places). Oh, what
a terribly great sorrow it is for me to see that ruin! Pardon me for that
exclamation, but I am overflowing, and I don't want to do it with outsiders, but
only with God and with you, who can keep it secret. No time for more, your
sister, Maria del Pilar A.CJ.w 34
«If this is a cross from Our Lord,

I do not want to cast it away from me»
About this time M. Sacred Heart wrote to Fr. Muruzabal:
«As you can see, there is no remedy for this; I have been seeing the
effects of this malaise for the last eighteen months; it is spreading
through the Institute, such a natural spirit is creeping in that whole
days are spent in telling tales and listening to complaints and advice.
I am able to support this intense suffering because God is upholding
me by the strength of prayer. But, who can find a remedy for these
evils? If it is a cross from Our Lord, 1 would not like to cast it from
me...»35
«Father, if it is possible ... But not what 1 want, but what you want...»
(Matt. 26,39) «By the strength of prayer» she had been able to bear the agony
in her garden of Olives. Once more, towards the end of the year 1891, she
32
33
«Rudesinda» was one of the baptismal names of M. Sacred Heart, as was «Leandra» of M.
Pilar; they sometimes used them as pseudonyms in their private correspondence.
34
35
14th November 1891.
386Partthree: 1887-1893
made her retreat with complete generosity. She came out strengthened, and
absolutely convinced that that situation was «a cross from Our Lord». She
affirmed this in some notes sent to Fr. Hidalgo:
«Throughout this Retreat I have had a contemplative light which,

gently for some time has never left me and which never ceases to
illuminate my soul... With this light I have seen the special love God
shows me by sending me these sorrows and troubles (I am ashamed
to call them by that name); I shall never be able to thank Him
sufficiently for them, and one day I shall be sorry for not having been
more generous. If I am to please Him I must go through this school
and advance with giant steps, but without any show. I must acccpt
insults, humiliations, wrong interpretations, ctc., as food for my soul;
for I realize that Christ is maintained with this food, and with a soul
thus kneaded He lives in close union, because He fills it with His pure
love. All this completes what was imprinted in me two years ago, when
the Blessed Trinity seemed to want to take possession of my soul, but
first my soul had to be converted into the cross of Christ. I am not
sure if it was that day or some other when I understood that this cross
would be formed of heroic virtues. Now it seems that all this is being
fulfilled* 36 .
What she understood by «heroic virtues* is shown clearly in the

resolutions she wrote at the end of the Retreat. Once again she was trying to
put into practice her desire for real holiness, lived in the monotony of daily life,
amid the small details of community living. There was one fundamental
aspiration in those resolutions: «To see God's image in everyone*. In this light
everything which came afterwards could be understood: «Be very careful in my
words, never answering hastily ... Explain the truth with peace and calm, never
with heat ... Speak to the Sisters paying attention to what they tell me ... Take
little notice of imaginary things ... Always encourage with my words... Spirit of
interior charity, take more notice of the good in persons than of the bad things
which show...*37
«I must be a bottomless well into which all the concerns of the

Congregation and of every individual may fall without filling it; and I
must be completely imperturbable when listening to each one, and in
general, trust in God who helps me and who will manage everything.
Report for Fr. Hidalgo, end of November 1891 (Spiritual notes).

37
Spiritual notes 21.
He, as He always does with unfathomable wisdom, and by means

hidden from human reason, but not through the experience of the one
who holds the thread of his providence above all. God asks me to
practise these solid virtues, and so He gives me the opportunity to
practise them* 38 .
In that same obscure situation, while the state of misunderstanding

increased and she felt everywhere the insecurity of those around her, M. Sacred
Heart confirmed with renewed determination the fundamental offering of her
life:
«1892. Perpetual vow (1st January, after Communion):

... I vow to do everything in perfect observance, in deep humility and
with the most perfect possible mortification, for the greater glory of
your most loving Heart...
My most loving Mother, be the witness of my vow and help me to
fulfil it faithfully all the days of my life...»39
«Those who desire to be more outstanding in the service of their

eternal King and Universal Lord, will not only offer their persons for the work,
but by acting against their own sensuality and against their carnal and worldly
love, will make offerings of greater esteem and worth...* 40
In those circumstances there was no possibility of a greater sacrifice.
Absolute solitude
The great cross for M. Sacrcd Heart was going to be her absolute
solitude. First of all, the Assistants would desert her. Then, nearly all the
Jesuits known to the Institute would feel obliged to rebuke her conduct. A brief
list of the accusations will give some idea of M. General's defencelessness:
«... I am not pleased with your behaviour, not becausc of lack of

good will, but because of lack of right judgement. I think it is not easy
to make you change your ideas, although the opposite opinion is no
less certain. The Congregation is going to suffer a great deal with that
stubbornness, and I think that the results of it are already being seen.
38 Spiritual notes, 18. Undated, but probably of this same time.

1Q
40
IGNATIUS LOYOLA, Ejercicios. [97].
382 Part three: 1887-1893
From what 1 understood from you when I was there, it seems that you
consider anyone who does not think as you think to be mistaken and
a seedbed of discord... and this would be sufficient to destroy the
Congregation if God does not apply some remedy. I have something
else to say to you, although I am afraid it will be very bitter. I was
very sorry when I was there, to sec you have no desire to leave the
post of General Superior, although you want to make it appear that
you wish to leave it. All the saints who were Superiors not only
wanted, but they asked and begged to be relieved of the charge. I do
not see that in you. And this helps only to make you unfit for the
charge, if it has not already done so...»41
«I am sure that I know you very well, and so I can see that what you
need most is self-knowledge and humility ... not exteriorly and not in
appearance, but in your soul, in very truth. See, God cannot be
deceived, and anyone who tries to do so will be the one who is caught,
not God. If my way of speaking hurts or offends you, there is no
further need to assure you that I am right* 42
«I want you to have a very poor idea of yourself; not in words, but
in your heart. And, on the other hand, a very high opinion of others,
very sure and deeply convinced that they all have more virtue, more
prudence and receive greater light from God, especially those whom
God has given you as Consultors* 43 .
Not even the voice of D. Josd Maria Ibarra was missing from that
concert of reproaches. His letter must have been all the more hurtful because
it came from a person so fundamentally prudent and restrained. That even he
should have become convinced of the imputations against M. Sacred Heart and
her errors in government, is proof that the complaints had been repeated
insistently. And when D. Jos6 Maria became imbued with the opinion which
Fr. Molina, principally, had formed of the matter through M. Maria de la Cruz,
even the remarks made to him by M. Sacred Heart appeared to be a counter
attack against the Assistants and M. Pilar:
«I am going to be frank because I love you truly in Our L o r d -

When you were here I wanted to go into the matter, but wc only
41
Fr. Fernando Cermeiio, 26th October 1891.
42
Fr. Manuel Molina, 14th January 1892.
43
Fr. Manuel Molina, 20th January 1892.
began. Before you came, I learned from persons of respect who have
reason to know, tht the Congregation is not as it used to be... and they
blame this on the fact that you have grown a bit above yourself,
enough to destroy that magnificent balance in which you lived for so
long... You came, and from the little that was said, I almost decided
that what I had heard was correct... because when you spoke to me
about the hindrances you find in the Assistants ... you spoke about
them in a very unfavourable way, I realized that that was a little bit of
hurt feelings ... Besides I thought I could see some presumption ... I
advise you not to allow this letter to lead you to extremes, such as
happened on other occasions and in front of me, when you said: ' That
is how it is!' Take the rules, and follow the path they point out; take
hold of prayer, so that you may not lack help from heaven; finally, take
hold of the Council so that you may not lack the necessary, ordinary
supports* 44 .
Fr. Hidalgo was the person who should have understood M, Sacred
Heart and helped her in this difficult moment; he was her good spiritual
Father, always devout, but he never understood the problems of the Institute:
«I have not spoken to my director about this», Mother wrote in a letter to Fr.
Muruzabal, «I have often tried to explain it all to him, but he does not
understand our situation, because when he has questioned the others, at my
request, they did not want to talk openly about it* 45 .
In this state of abandonment she was left with only the moral support
of Father Muruzibal. Very restrained support; it was no small thing in the
intention of the faithful Jesuit, but it was small in its effects at such a great
distance, as well as because of the type of consolation, purely spiritual, which
could not greatly comfort the poor creature pierced through heart and flesh by
sorrow and distrust:
«Advice, Mother, I can hardly think of any. You know, better than
I, all that I could say: seek and accept in everything all that God
ordains or sends you... to be crucified with Our Lord Jesus Christ. You
know that is the mark of all perfection, and along that way you will go
very well, all tbe better the more faithfully you calm yourself under
it...*46
44
45
Letter from Jose Maria Ibarra to M. Sacred Heart, 7th January 1892.
U t t e r of 31st August 1891.
46 U t t e r of 9th January 1892.
Chapter VI
ON THE ROAD TO RESIGNING
Reports for the Cardinal Protector
On 5th March 1892 Cardinal Mazzella wrote to M. Sacred Heart

asking for a reply to two questions: was the donation from D. Fulgencio
Tabernero for the foundation in Rome still intact, and henee could the contract
for buying the house be signed? Besides, he added, «there is another thing still
needed in your Congregation; and steps should be taken in view of what might
happen next May if, according to rule, there is a General Chapter*. He told
her to discuss these points with the Assistants and inform him of their answers.
M. Sacred Heart wrote to her sister on 11th March: «I am answering
the first point of the Cardinal's letter today, as he asks; the second I'll answer
later. But as he suggests that you all should answer, I am sending the
translation by Fr. Velez so that you may answer, either in our meeting, or
directly*. Mother had to realize, naturally, that those inquiries were prompted
by the information received by the Cardinal from M. Pilar. She remembered
that the year before, she herself had wanted to analyse the situation with the
help of the Assistants; so she continued: «This is what I asked a year ago, and
you were afraid to do it. It would have been better then, and would have
avoided this time of bitterness. I am delighted that Our Lord now wants to
clear away this black cloud. Let us see if the rainbow appears now. I am
praying for this with all my heart, even though it costs me my life; for this is
not life, the way we are dragging on for this last eighteen months...*
The Assistants' reports on the state of the Institute were in M. Sacrcd
Heart's hands a few days later, and she sent them on to the Cardinal. Fr. V61ez
had advised her that they should not go in any other way. He had written to
M. General: «When you receive the replies or opinions of the Mothers
Assistant show that you are pleased and grateful, whatever they are. Because
your duty in your post is to be glad that the Assistants tell you, and even more,
tell the one who is your Superior, what they conscientiously feci they should
say, even though it may be contrary to what you in your own conscience feci,
or what you like*1. He also told M. Purisima that her reply, like that of the
other assistants should be sent to M. General 2 .
Thus M. Sacred Heart was able to read the Assistants' reports and to
1
2
Ibid.
C.6. On the road to resigning 385
know their opinions. The three agreed on some points, but with important
varying shades, which faithfully revealed their authors. The basic point, as
shown in those writings was «the lack of union between the Foundresses, which
has been increasing daily for the last five years; and it is difficult to see God's
will in this; for they are both good, yet, no means has been found to bring them
to agreement...* (M. Purisima). It is amazing that the Assistants declared
clearly that, in spite of everything, the Congregation respected and deeply loved
the two sisters; and the Religious were not aware of the divergences. So the
three Assistants considered that the General meeting would be useless for the
Sisters who have to take part «discussing such delicate matters. As the two
Foundresses are loved and respected, it will not be easy to form a clear
judgement, and so .... it will not be possible to come to any agreement or
decisions, and it will end in more confusion in every way* (M. San Javier). In
spite of the charges they made against M. General - «she docs not possess
some of the gifts essential for governing, and she does not see that she lacks
them* (M. San Javier) -, two of the Assistants explicitly mentioned her good
qualities: «great love for the Institute, for which she has sacrificed and sacrifices
herself, and very great zeal for the glory of God* (M. San Javier), «much love
of observance and other very good qualities to uphold the spirit of the
Institute* (M. Maria de la Cruz); and in general, those two Assistants defended
the good intention of the Foundresses, and even of the others: «In my opinion
all these faults which are causing so much upset, are not culpable, because each
one of them wants what is the most perfect; I have no doubt about that* (M.
Maria de la Cruz). «...I think it my duty to state again and again that all those
who have any part in this business have a very right intention and great love for
the Congregation* (M. Maria de San Javier).
The reports from MM. Maria de la Cruz and San Javier could have
been painful for M. Sacred Heart, but were not surprising because they agreed
with the attitudes revealed by their authors. Reading the report from M.
Purisima must have caused, if not surprise - because by this time she had lost
her previous trust in her - at least, aversion, above all against her declaration
about the relationship between the General and the General Council: «... the
first one (M. General) 3 began to act in a way that they (the Assistants) could
not understand, because they thought it contrary to the Constitutions; so they
could not follow her. But as she did not see it like that and she interpreted it
as lack of courage to undertake great things for God, and a lack of light in
their understanding; so, full of desires not to dimmish the glory of the Heart
of Jesus, and perhaps wanting to avoid suffering, she began to act in reserve
towards the Assistants, with little simplicity and clarity when speaking of
3
This means M. General.
386 Part three: 1887-1893
business, giving facts in a confused way, and to avoid discussing them with
anyone in the Congregation, and even with persons outside who might have
given them light. And the Assistants began to feel withdrawal, fear, distrust,
and a weight on their conscience; first, because they thought they were dealing
with what they did not understand, and also because things were not clearly
presented, they were afraid of lessening their obedience and of judging their
Superior. Besides, M. Pilar protested as much as she could, trying to prevent
what she saw as the ruin of the Institute: and all this increased the struggle
between the two, and with the Assistants who found themselves obliged to act
in accord with the circumstances in order to avoid greater ills».
Anyone who knew M. Purisima before 1890, and even in that year until
September when M. Sacred Heart returned from Rome, cannot but see the
contrast between the words and ideas contained in her letters of that time, and
those expressed about the government of the Institute in this report addressed
to the Cardinal. The discrepancy could not have escaped M. Purisima's noticc,
for she with her usual skill thus explains it: «... If it is true that I never failed
against the letter of the Constitutions, either by vote or by advice, it is also true
that through false humility and ill-understood obedience, I tried, instead of
studying the matters, to blind myself, until my conscience forced me to speak
to the Fathers of the Society of Jesus, who have removed my ignorance...* She
was speaking, naturally, about all the matters proposed in the Institute before
1890. We must realize that the person who thus pleads ignorance as a reason
for her enthusiastic collaboration with M. Sacred Heart's ideas, is the same
Mistress of Novices who went to Rome with M. Pilar, who had contact with all
kinds of Ecclesiastics and with the Sacred Congregation ... She had had many
opportunities to gain experience in fulfilling those important tasks. How could
she now say so simply that she was ignorant of her responsibilities?
M. Purisima showed her report to Fr. Velcz before handing it in. He
kept faithfully to his ideas that they should make their statements very explicit,
and he approved of her report thus: «Your paper seems very good to me. I
have only cut out a few words, which were either strong or unpleasant, and I
think they are not needed* 4 . From this we may deduce that the report which
reached the Cardinal was toned down somewhat from the first effort...
4
Post card written before 20th March 1892.
«As if you were speaking to Our Lord Himself...»
M. Sacred Heart consulted Fr. Muruzabal about her reply. He said:

«... It will be pleasing to Our Lord if you answer the one who is questioning
you as a Superior with all truth and holy simplicity just as you understand
things. So, in the presence of God, and as if you were speaking to Our Lord
Himself, speak of things as you see them, whether they are favourable to you
or against you... If you act thus, it does not seem bad to me if you ask with all
humility to hand on the charge of General to others, giving all the reasons
which you think are good and effective... After this, leave it all in God's hands,
with great abandonment to His providence...*5.
«As if you were speaking to Our Lord Himself*. M. Sacred Heart saw
that she was obliged to say what she thought was truth, with absolute sincerity;
all that she held in her heart as the cause of the difficulties in government. We
must keep this in mind in order to understand some of her more severe
statements. Besides the final document sent to the Cardinal, two complete
rough copies and one fragment of a third have been preserved. They reveal the
care which the author took in writing them, with all the corrections and
erasures on every page.
M. Sacred Heart began her report by asking to resign from her chargc
as the only remedy
«... in order to cure all the sorrows which afflict us. But, in accordance
with Your Eminence's desires, I shall, with all truth and simplicity
explain their origin and importance such as I see it before Our Lord,
without accusing anyone of malice, but rather of excessive zeal, and
the fact that my sister, M. Pilar, and I see things differently*.
All the Assistants were agreed on this, but she could have added that
the diverse points of view and the differences of temperament had been obvious
from their early infancy. («This divergence was noticed between the two from
childhood...*). In their youth they had been called to the same vocation. When
speaking of the early days of the Institute, M. Sacred Heart described her
efforts at conciliation, her striving to maintain union and to live together
peacefully, although this often obliged her to act against her own inclinations,
and even against her own standards in some cases:
«We began this work, and we continued to go ahead, although it

was sometimes painful, because I nearly always tried to submit to her

388 Part three: 1887-1893
wishes... As I was the Superior, Fr. Cotanilla, who with the Bishop's
authority directed us, always supported me when he noticed it, and he
reproved it. But I, knowing my sister, avoided letting him know many
things, so as not to displease him».
M. Sacred Heart remembered many events in the Institute which have

been mentioned on previous pages in this book: the building of the church in
Madrid, the enlargement of the Novitiate, undertaken «against her will» -
against M. Pilar's will, but with the advice of Fr. Cotanilla:
«... Everything done was authorized by him, such as paying accounts

with money from dowries received about that time; insuring them and
other property which some of the Sisters generously gave to the
Institute, without leaving us one penny in debt...*
Then she mentioned what happened after the approval of the

Constitutions:
«... a vote was given for a house in the centre of Madrid, using some
property and a donation given to us for that purpose. But although M.
Pdar had mentioned the property and everything, she was upset by this
business, and I thought it prudent to leave it for a time. The General
appointments were made about this time, and for her it was a day of
great distress. As I knew it, I tried to resign because I did not think I
was fit for such a post, and out of fear for the struggle it would mean».
With much realism M. Sacred Heart gave an account of her

government: foundations in La Coruna and St. Bernard Street, difficulties with
the Bishop of Madrid, foundation in Rome ... Her statements coincide strictly
with historical accounts of the events of the time, including those which could
throw blame on her or be less favourable to her 6 . Her account is even more
detailed when she speaks of the events following the foundation in Rome:
6
For example, her explanation about the use of money from dowries-, she also said that when
the house m St. Bernard Street was rented she did not tell one of the Assistants the whole price
of the rent «not through ill-will, but because she worried a lot*. I.ater on she commented:
«Afteiwards lhis fault cost me a great deal, although two Fathers of the Society whom I consulted,
encouraged me by saying there was no fault in the intention*. The Assistant in question was M.
Maria de la Cruz; and it was no exaggeration when M. Sacred Heart said that «she worries a lot».
In many respects M. Maria de la Cruz had a very narrow outlook; she was not very bright. This
was seen in financial matters: when she heard quite ordinary sums of money mentioned she was
almost overcome with frenzy.
«I returned from Rome, and even though I had written everything

to them, I felt obliged to report verbally, and I had a meeting with the
Council. I gave them an account of everything, and of what I thought
should be done; for I had completed nothing, which they thought I had,
and for which they were so displeased. I was surprised when I heard
them, and still more so when I heard them judge my actions so
mistakenly, as well as my words and thoughts, as if they had never
known me. What reproaches and judgements against the Sisters! Two
whom I considered outstanding in virtue and ability, I heard spoken of
in a way I could never have imagined; and thank God, they were not
right, as they must know by now».
That was a very real picture of the meeting of the Council held on that
memorable 17th September 1890, in which according to M. Maria dc la Cruz,
there was much loud talking to M. General, and none of the Assistants took
any notice of her explanations. The distrust which followed this session, and
which increased day be day, was also shown clearly in M. Sacred Heart's
account:
«... Every day their mistrust of me increased ...»
And the collapse of all the activities of the Institute:
«... on one hand the Congregation was calling out for help which
had to be attended to, and the Mothers (Assistants) decidcd nothing;
on the other hand they left me no liberty ...»
And the multiplication of meetings:
«It was decidcd to have a meeting. They were together each day for
hours; but what good was it? It only embittered them more ...»
And their inability to deal with any business:
«... (I decided) to explain my needs, the needs of the Congregation,

in writing, and that they should answer in the same way, because they
were saying that I explained things vaguely, and they did not have a
true idea of them, and so they had always decided on things blindly ...»
Then came the time when they became set in their position, owing to
the confusion between excessive zeal and their tenacity in defending their own
ideas:
390 Part three: 1887-1893
«... The Assistants began to consult; but as they only insisted on the
fulfilment of the Constitutions, who could give them advice? I
explained the circumstances of the matters and of the Congregation
and those same persons were against them, and thought it prudent not
to act so strictly ...»
After analysing the causes of the difficulties in the government, M.

Sacred Heart said in the final paragraphs of her report:
«... From what I have said, Your Eminence will have realized the
troubles the enemy has stirred up for us, for without any doubt it is his
work, having plunged us into so much sadness, being unable to
understand each other, after wc had been so happy together...
May God Our Lord enlighten Your Eminence, as I pray and hope,
so that you may put an end to these ills. For my part, I am in the
hands of Your Eminence, and I believe what I said at the beginning;
that if I left this charge, everything would be put right. In the way the
Institute is now, I say that I cannot govern any more».
She added a note:
«... I see no benefit in a General Chapter, I do not think it can settle

anything. I think the only remedy would be if God Our Lord would
enlighten some learned and prudent person who would listen to us,
including my sister, M. Pilar, and let us know our duties, for that is not
the least fault, and then settle it afterwards with Your Eminence».
Perhaps the conclusions were the least coherent of the whole report.
When M. Sacred Heart wrote: «If I left the charge, everything would be put
right at once», it docs not seem very objective, keeping in mind the realism of
her analysis of the situation. In the report and in the final conclusion some of
the considerations which she herself had put forward on other occasions, were
missing, and they can be found in the rough copies of the document. In one of
them she said: «This will not be put right unless there is a General whom the
heads trust absolutely, and unless she is given enough liberty to do and undo
things without so much waiting for opinions. This is necessary for the
Congregation because it is new, and much is lacking*. M. Sacrcd Heart in her
simplicity thought that that General could be her sister (in spite of the serious
defects she saw in her): «My sister, M. Pilar, possesses some very good talents,
as Your Eminence will have observed...* We say that she was 'ingenuous'
because by this time the Assistants distrusted both Foundresses, although for
different reasons; or rather, for similar reasons in different ways.
The note added to the report is also curious: Mother had abandoned
her original idea, the need for a General meeting, and had accepted a solution
similar to one proposed some months before by M. Pilar. Was she impressed
by the fact that all the Assistants considered a Chapter useless?
M. Sacred Heart's report is dated 27th March. The nest day she
added another document addressed to the Cardinal:
«... In the previous report I did not dare say what I am going to
write today, in the deep secret of conscience, I am going to write what
I fee! obliged to say to Your Eminence*...
This letter gives a stern, realistic analysis of M. Pilar:
«Ali the troubles arise from the proud, domineering character of my

sister, M. Maria del Pilar, who has never been able to give in to
anyone, either secular or religious... While Fr. Cotanilla was alive, he
knew her and subdued her, keeping her to her duty, and so we could
manage...
So I do not say that she wanted to take the name of the charge from
me; no, she did not want that; but it was the authority she wanted, and
everything.
Everything would be all right if she could acquire the religious spirit
and see the Superior in a spirit of faith ...
I think Fr. V61ez understands some of it, but sometimes he has
pointed out that the true remedy would be for my sister to be united
with me in everything we do, not imposing herself on the others, but
united in heart, so that we act with the same ideas. Oh, Your
Eminence, if only we could do that! I think it is very difficult. But the
sweet Heart of Jesus can do everything. Then I would carry the cross,
although it is always heavy, until I die on it. But that is impossible
now, because God's work will be destroyed with such a tremendous
struggle. Believe me, Your Eminence, everything would disappear,
even the difficulties with the General Assistants, for the poor dears do
not understand anything about government... And, if my sister and I
were united, it would be very useful for the Congregation, because
when guided, they have some ability.
I am opening to Your Eminence the innermost depths of my soul
as I have never done to anyone. I hope that Your Eminence will see
in it no lack of charity, but an explanation of the truth for the good of
the Congregation, and even of my own dear sister, who is becoming
impossible for anyone who has dealings with her, and even for herself,
and it is pitiful to listen to her in the disquiet and malaise in whieh she
392 Part three: 1887-1893
is living.
With great joy 1 share all my troubles with her, for she is the person
I most trust...»
That last sentence would be inconceivable if wc were not aware of the

special relationship between the two foundresses throughout the whole of their
lives. It is always surprising to see how easily they can overlook their
differences when it came to sharing troubles and commenting in their letters
on the small events of daily life. This extraordinary mixture of trust and
suspicion, appreciation yet incomprehension, of discord and affection, provided
a real drama in the lives of two persons united by so many bonds of nature and
of grace.
M. Sacred Heart was sure that her sister's situation at that time
needed a real «miracle of grace». And we must say that in fact, M. Pilar did
soon experience a wonderful change which made her reconsider the attitude
she had maintained during all those sad years of conflict.
M. Pilar returns from Rome
In accordance with the opinion of all the Assistants, which in this case
coincided with her own, M. Sacred Heart asked the Holy See for a
postponement of the General meeting. A rescript from the Sacred
Congregation of Bishops and Regulars, dated 11th April, granted to Cardinal
Mazzella the authority to postpone it, according to his own judgement and
prudence, up to a limit of two years. Some days later, the Cardinal wrote to
M. General informing her that he did not think her resignation would be right,
because he did not think such means would be effective to «remedy present
and future ills». He added: «I have asked good Fr. Wlez, whom I know and
esteem, and who thinks highly of your Institute, to give you wise direction and
to act as your guide in present difficulties*7. After explaining to Fr. V61ez the
difficulties which could arise from the resignation, the Cardinal said:
«If, as I think is certain, they all possess true love for the Institute
and for the glory of God, let them all be united in one thought, b a
spirit of charity, of zeal and of sacrifice. M. General..., if she is ready
to resign from her charge, must be much more ready not to decide
anything trustmg too much in her own judgement. The Assistants may
be respectful towards M. General, and that is good; but when they
7 Letter of 18th A p r i l J892.

have to vote, they must not think of pleasing M. General, but of the
good of the Institute and the glory of God... Nevertheless, it seems to
me that special attention must be paid to the financial state, so as to
put it in order. Without stopping to examine too closely who is
culpable for the present state of affairs, which we cannot deny is
deplorable, it is essential to make as much effort as possible to find a
remedy. If you think it would be helpful, you may read this letter to
M. General with her Council, and I hope you will agree to continue
helping these good Religious so that a work which is giving much glory
to God may be preserved in a good state* 8 .
When M. Sacred Heart read the letter which Fr. Vdlez showed her,
she could see that the Cardinal had believed many of the imputations against
her government. She also had some reasons for being consoled: Mazzella said:
«I sec a spirit of great fervour in the members of the Institute*. And if she
could have read the letter which the protector wrote to Fr. Urraburu she would
have seen some similar words of praise: «It is consoling to know that such a
good spirit reigns in the members of this Institute, and this gives us confidence
that the Sacred Heart of Jesus will not abandon it*9. But these were not such
consolations as to encourage a false security in M. General.
M. Pilar arrived in Madrid from Rome on 11th May 1892. She
brought instructions from the Cardinal for working at a solution for the
financial problem. Although M. Pilar was in Madrid, in the same house as M.
Sacred Heart, she thought it better to inform her in writing, trying to avoid
probable verbal discussions:
«I have not told you any news because the Cardinal says that I and
the five of us must await what Fr. Velez arranges, in his name. I sent
a card to him yesterday, asking him to come, because I am suffering
incredibly at being like this. But he has not come, and I do not want
to keep you waiting any longer without some explanation of why I have
said nothing. It hurts me to say this to you in writing and not by word
but 1 am afraid, that as does happen, we may find difficulty in
speaking, and if I say too much it upsets me as if I were doing wrong,
because I think that just as our works are written in the book of life,
so are our words, and I don't want to place myself in an occasion of
failing. But now I am convinced that if Our Lord is to pardon us all
and save the Institute each one of us must not only submit to what He
8
9
10th May 1892.
394 Part three: 1887-1893
decides, but must act upon it with the greatest possible perfection
It seems that M. Pilar was convinced that the salvation of the Institute
had been entrusted to her own hands. This can also be seen in a letter from
M. Maria de la Cruz to Maria del Carmen Aranda: «We have M. Pilar and M.
MArtires here. The former says she has brought all the powers to settle it.
That means starting from the top. I do not know how this will turn out, or
what we shall have to suffer. If I survive, I'll write to you* 11 .
Fr. V61ez announced his visit to the house in Obelisk Parade on 12th
May: «The enclosed is to let M. Pilar know that I'll go to see her tomorrow,
if God allows me. If you are able to speak with peace, tranquility, sweetness
and love as you should and as God wants, then speak among yourselves about
anything you like without any fear or distrust*.
The picture which Fr. Vdlez drew of the conversations was too good
to be true. It would have required a real miracle for the two Foundresses to
speak with such peace; and the difficulty was certainly not with M. Sacred
Heart. M. Pilar herself reveals that when she wrote to Fr. Urrdburu on 18th
May saying that Fr. Vdlez's plan was totally unworkable: «Fr. Vdlez persists in
condemning my plan. He says it is not lawful, and would not work; but the
remedy is that 'my Lady' 1 2 should retain her post, and we also, making up
for all that she lacl«, clearly and with good zeal, and if there is need we should
have recourse to him; if there is any resistance, and if necessary it will be taken
to the sacred tribunals...* Naturally Fr. Vdlez's plan included retaining M.
Sacred Heart's government, with the greatest possible control of her powers by
the Assistants. But M. Pilar's plan was based on extraordinary and extra-
constitutional powers for solving the financial problem being granted to M.
Pilar, while retaining the fiction of a Generalate in the hands of M. Sacred
Heart.
In the same letter there is very significant reference to the kind of
conversations which the foundresses might be able to carry on in those days:
«He was putting forward that point when "my Lady' came in, and he had
been here for ages; she comes in every day and the theme is always that of Fr.
V61ez. This, Father, is atrocious for my heart and conscience ... Everything she
10
Note of 12th May 1892.
11
12
'My Lady" here meant M. General. Such names were often used in Letters at tiiis time
as a disguise for important persons; e.g. Fr. Velez becomes Mr. V£lez, or ' the one with glasses';
Fr. Urrfburu is 'Don Santiago' or 'the one from Ona"; M. Sacrcd Heart and M. Pilar arc
' Rudesinda' and ' Leandra 1 , etc.
said was just Fr. Vdlez's ideas: that we should be united, and other silly
things...*1 It is obvious that M. Pilar thought that union of hearts, or at least
unity in action was not only impossible, but was the greatest absurdity that Fr.
V61ez could imagine.
As these attempts failed, M. Sacred Heart went back to the idea of
resigning. «This is not the time for half-measures; it is a question of the glory
of God and peace of soul for many, so a radical cure must be found at all costs
for so much suffering or evil, or both* 14 . «We are still trying to unravel the
tangle, which becomes more complicated every day. Who is to blame?
Sometimes I think I know, but when I see that approved persons who should
have light from Our Lord, agree with her (M. Pilar), I am not sure, so I keep
silent and respect God's judgement, and abandon myself to His will. That is
so difficult at times, Father!* She wrote these words to Fr. Muruzabal, who
always understood her. But communication was from a distance which could
not have the effect which Mother needed. The paragraph just quoted is from
a rough copy15, incomplete and unsigned. She began another letter the same
day, which was also left unfinished. They are probably forerunners of a third
attempt which was eventually sent to Fr. Muruzibal. Not in vain did she
ponder and change her expressions, because she was trying to reveal the depth
of her thought and the essence of her personal problem with regard to M.
Pilar's suggestions. First of all, M. Sacred Heart stated the facts:
«The last thing which the Cardinal and my sister decided in Rome
was that the Council and myself should go there, and she should stay
here in Spain, in order to save the Congregation, having full powers to
do and to change, being advised only by learned people*.
Then she mentioned the one condition she thought necessary for her
to accept the plan:
«I said that I agreed with this decision and arrangement, but with
my own resignation*.
Afterwards she tells of how she examined her innermost reactions.

With a strong desire to be objective, she was afraid of being deceived by self
love:
13
14
Letter to Fr. V^lez, 16th May 1892.
15
17th May 1892.
396 Part three: 1887-1893
«Then I had a struggle, wondering if it was a lack of humility, not

wanting to see myself put into a corner*.
In her humility she was quite able to accept being put on one side, as
she would be if she lived in Rome. But what would be her relationship with
the Institute if she continued to be General? How would she explain M. Pilar's
behaviour to the Sisters?
«But, after thinking about it and examining myself before God our
Lord, I insist on the resignation because this would not cure the ills;
and if the author of it all held such power, while I was unable to
intervene in the Congregation, the Sisters would realise what was
happening, and the situation would become more confused*.
Whichever way she looled at it the analysis of the situation led to the
idea of absolute renunciation of the Generalate:
«So, not only did I insist... but I added that I would not change
without an express order, under pain of sin, from the Sacred
Congregation of Bishops and Regulars...*
The clarity with which she saw this one solution was not incompatible
with a state of doubt and anguish:
«Father, I have no one whom I can consult, because the learned

persons who know about this are rather confused. One of them, who
is acting for Cardinal Mazzella, in spite of always approving my
decision, changed completely when he heard my sister, and wants to
persuade me to accept the opposite.
... I am rather upset; wondering if I have done wrong by resisting so
much, with as much firmness as pride „.» 16
After following the development of events, could we accuse her of

pride? And could a person be found, more prudent or more skilful, who would
be able to succeed in «unravelling the tangle* in a completely different way?
16 Letter of 17th May 1892.

«Tomorrow I leave for Rome ... I am being sent

and I am very happy to fulfil His most holy wills
At the beginning of June, the Cardinal Protector wrote to Fr. Vdlez

informing him of the decision he had made. He enclosed a letter for M. Pilar
in which he acknowledged receipt of hers of 28th May: «It seems, by what you
write, that it is impossible to induce M. General to cease acting, and to stay
there allowing herself to be guided*. In consequence, seeing that he had no
power to deprive her of governing, and appoint someone else for a time, he
suggested two means:
«The first is that M. General herself decides to come to Rome with

two Assistants named by you, and she writes a circular letter to all the
houses in Spain saying that she has to move to Rome for business of
the Institute, leaving you with full power during her absence, and
consequently exhorting everyone to have recourse to you.
This does not exceed M. General's powers. It would be the most
seemly means, and would avoid all objections. If this is impossible, it
will be necessary to have recourse to the Sacred Congregation. But'to
do that, even if done in confidence, there would have to be an
explanation of the urgent motives, in writing and signed by the
Assistants. They could even send it to me, and I would deal with the
Cardinal Prefect.
But I repeat, I think the first means is to be preferred, and I would
be very pleased to see M. General again, and no one can stop her
from coming to Rome* 17 .
Fr. Wlez informed M. General of these two points, and added for his
own part: «... It seems to me that the best thing for you to do, at least the best
for yourself, is to acccpt the Cardinal's advice at once, and withdraw to rest and
commend yourself to God, and pray for your sister, that God may give her
discretion in these difficulties...*1®
As soon as she received this communication the General decided on
her immediate departure. But she did not want to be accompanied by the
Assistants, and she did not even inform them of her journey. M. Maria de la
Cruz wrote in her Chronicle: «She did not hide it from M. Maria de la Cruz
because she was also the local Assistant, and she helped to get everything she
had to take with her. When she saw that she chose the youngest of the choir
17
Letter of 1st June 1892.
lO
398 Part three: 1887-1893
Religious as her companion... she asked M. General, as if she alone were

asking, if she wanted to take her as a companion, to which she answered 'no'.
M. Maria de la Cruz asked this because M. Pilar wanted it, but she asked it
gently. That day, which was a Thursday, 9th June 1892, R.M. Maria of the
Sacred Heart left the house in Madrid without saying goodbye to anyone,
choosing the moment when her sister M. Maria del Pilar was in adoration in
the Chapel after Benediction; as it was Thursday, the Blessed Sacrament was
not reserved that night* 19 . That departure impressed for a moment those
who were aware of the problems in the Institute. M. Maria de la Cruz affirms
this about M. Pilar who learned of her sister's departure when she camc from
adoration. In the days that followed, that step of the General was amply
criticized by the Assistants, and even by the Jesuits who were following the
course of events. They commented that it was an act of disrespect for the
Cardinal's orders and a mark of coldness towards the Assistants which they
reproved. M. Maria de la Cruz states that M. Pilar had arranged for her to go
with M. General «to help her to bear the sorrow of leaving her charge, and to
give her advice to avoid her doing anything inadvisable...*20 The Cirenean
assigned to M. General was little suited to the purpose. Besides, M. General
wanted to speak to the Cardinal without any presence which might cause
difficulties. As she said herself afterwards, she needed to explain to the
Cardinal the dangers inherent in the delegation.
She stopped in Saragossa, and she wrote to M. Maria del Carmen on
10th June: «I leave for Rome tomorrow. Ask Our Lord to bless my steps. I
am not going of my own will; I am being sent, and am very happy to fulfil the
holy will of God; and I believe, as I said to you before, this has to put an end
to disunion, which is what we all want with our whole soul». As Maria del
Carmen was in Bilbao21, she was rather out of touch with the latest
developments, and it seems she was dumbfounded at the news. She had been
General Secretary until recently, and her state of mind was very complex at that
time. She was clearly inclined to accept M. Pilar's point of view, but she still
retained her affection for M. Sacred Heart. This is easily understood. But it
is difficult to accept some of her statements about the Institute or the General.
«Your letter affectcd mc so much that today I wanted to have a little time to
weep and some more to write; but I have not been able to pick up the pen
until now, 4 p.m.* This division of time between tears and writing might seem
picturesque if we did not know the person who was writing. «I am not so
ignorant, Mother, that I am unaware that great things are happening in the
19
M.Ma. DE LA CRUZ, Chronicles I p. 360-1.
20
Ibid f p. 358.
21
M. Maria del Carmen Aranda was appointed superior of Bilbao in November 1891.
Family, neither am I so well-informed that the news takes away my anxiety and
sorrow. Your departure has left me unable to think of anything else by day or
by night...*22
M. Sacred Heart could not, at that time, nurture any illusions about
the faithfulness of persons. She also knew that Maria del Carmen had doubted
her, had criticized her behaviour. But she believed in her affection, a love
mixed with other sentiments, but nevertheless, sincere. She accepted the
consolation, the compassion thus offered. More than a n y t h i n g she felt her own
responsibility, she still thought she was obliged to console. One of the Fust
letters she wrote from Rome was to Maria del Carmen Aranda: «I have just
received your letter, and I am sending two lines so that you will not be so
upset...»
Delegation of powers to M. Pilar
«M. General arrived in Rome the day before yesterday. She came to
see me immediately, she has not been to see anyone else about her affairs, and
she has no thought of doing so. Consequently you may set the minds of the
Assistants at rest*. These words of Cardinal Mazzella to Fr. V6lez reveal the
state of the question clearly: in Spain M. Pilar and her companions were
suspicious about that unexpected journey. They were afraid that M. Sacred
Heart would be making some counterattack. But there was nothing further
from her mind. She was deeply pained to think that the Assistants needed
reassuring on that point. «She wants to make a full delegation of her powers
to M. Pilar during her absence from Spain. And I approve of this decision...
Nevertheless, I want the letter announcing this to be sent to you so that you
may not send it if you think it should not be sent. Governing in M. General's
place, M. Pilar must use her faculties according to the Constitutions, hence,
with the agreement of the Assistants. It is not within M. General's attributes
nor in mine to allow her to govern in any other way*24.
The letter delegating the powers was drawn up in this way and signed
by M. Sacred Heart on 19th June to be sent as a circular to all the houses. «As
I have to be absent from Spain for some time on busbess of the Institute ...»
What was she feelbg when she wrote those words? «Busbess of our
Institute*... What busbess took her to Rome? It could seem that the words
were a pious untruth, yet they concealed a very great truth, the great truth of
22
23
17th June 1892.
24
400 Part three: 1887-1893
M. Sacred Heart's life. She had gone to Rome to become definitively the
foundation of the building, that foundation «which is not seen». She had gone
to make peace possible, «which is what we are all seeking*. She was going to
rebuild unity, because «where there is no union, God is not there*. Truly,
there was no business b the Institute more urgent than that; neither then nor
would there ever be.
Another very moving letter crossed the circular on its way from Rome:
«...I do not want to delay any longer without writing again; I am torn with
sorrow ... I am not suffering as I was the first time you went there; I am
suffering with a slower, more penetrating pain, and I think I am dreaming.
They have written to me today from Madrid, telling me of your departure,
which, they say, took all their joy from them...* That was M. Maria del
Carmen Aranda writing agab . That was another facet of reality.
Circumstances had placed M. Sacred Heart b the greatest solitude which a
human creature can suffer, but that tremendous perturbation of m b d could not
lessen for one instant the warmth of affection nourished by the self-givbg and
humble service of the one who had always sought with all the strength of her
heart, the good of the Sisters of the Institute. Some of them continued to write
to her b those uncertain times. For example, M. Mir tires, who throughout the
whole conflict, revealed a right, bdependent judgement, which did not allow
itself to become enslaved by impositions from without. (Her letters also reveal
that her m b d was very clear when she was not sleepbg, in spite of the
mysterious sleeping sickness which afflicted her). Together with those letters
from the religious who could be considered completely faithful 26 , M. Sacred
Heart received and accepted generously those from persons who were playing
a part b the drama, and who, b spite of being more or less responsible for it,
were offering her the consolation of a remembrance, even though this must
bevitably evoke some thought of duplicity and unfaithfulness. She answered
them all with the meekest of words, free from all sign of resentment, full of
deep love for the Institute and for each one of its members.
«Your letters give me much joy. May God listen to you, Mother.
My nails and cross are very sweet b spite of not bearing a sweet
weight, but rather a ' catlivo' 27 weight, which are my sbs and
25
17th June 1892.
^ M. Magdalena Romin full of confidcnce and sorrow, wrote to the General in Rome; she
was Superior in Jerez, a Religious of whom M. Sacred Heart expected much. M. Elena Menindez.
M. Manuela of the Bl. Sacrament, and others also wrote.
27
Bad.
emotions* 28 .
«Since God Our Lord favoured me with having no intervention in

anything, I am completely forgetting everything in a way I could never
have imagined, and loving the Mothers and Sisters of the Congregation
more and more, wishing them to be very holy, more than ever. I
laughed about the consolations which you said I would have now... I
don't want you to pray for that for me, but rather for meekness,
humility, love of the cross and solid, perfect conformity with the will
of God, even if this should mean dving hanging from a post» 29 .
«If I don't write, you know why; but don't think it is because I forget
you, or any member of the Congregation; I placed you all in Christ's
side when I left Madrid, after asking His pardon for all my sins, which
are not few or small*30.
«If you could see how sorry I am at making you suffer! But,
Mother, you must not think of me with your affection for me, but
seeing that this is the will of God that I am like this. I want to fulfil
this holy will, and I am striving for this with all my strength, and I ask
you too for prayers* 31 .
«I pray for everyone, and I ask Our Lord to be your Master in the
science of humility and charity, virtues which win His heart, and as I
want them to win it so as to be generous, ... this is my daily
prayer* 32 .
That prolonged practice of generosity and pardon was enlarging to

unsuspected limits her capacity for loving and for gratitude. It would be
difficult to find a person more given to thanksgiving than- M. Sacred Heart:
I am very grateful for those prayers for the intention you mention.
Although I would be glad if you continue that same practice, I would
also like you to offer them in thanksgiving sometimes, for my debt of
2«
Letter to M. Ma. de la Cruz, 25th June 1892.
29
30
To Ma. del Carmen Aranda, 4th July 1892.
Ibid, 10th July.
31
Ibid, 17th July.
32 To M. Purisima, 2nd November 1892.
402 Part three: 1887-1893
gratitude to Our Lord is immense...» 33
An irregular situation
M. General's delegation in favour of her sister was dated 19th June,

but there was still some delay before it was published, thus placing the Institute
in a situation as irregular as it was dangerous. The business had a complicated
development, with all the complexity surrounding the simplest questions at that
time. On 23rd June Fr. Vdlez informed M. Pilar that he had received M.
Sacred Heart's circular, together with letters from the Cardinal and from M.
General herself which left it for him to decide whether to send the letters or
not. «And I do not dare to do so without counting on you», said Fr. V61ez to
M. Pilar, «because there is an important point in the document which is the
opposite of what you proposed ... You wanted to be able to act without the
Assistants because you thought it would help to expedite business, but the
circular states the contrary, saying that you must conform to the Constitutions
in everything, and they give the Assistants a consultative vote in all matters, and
a deliberative vote in some cases. And it is not only said in the circular, but
in his letter to me, the Cardinal says: "M. Pilar, governing in place of M.
General must exercise her faculty according to the Constitutions, and hence
with the consent of the Assistants. It is not within M, General's power or
within mine to allow her to act in any other way"*34. When M. Pilar received
this communication she wrote to Fr. Velez asking him to impress on the
Cardinal the need for MM. Maria de la Cruz and San Javier to go to
Rome 35 . The Jesuit, tired by this time of acting as moderator in such a
complicated process, could not support what he judged to be stubbornness and
insubordination on M. Pilar's part. His decision was expressed in a very sharp
letter, part of which read as follows:
«I am not writing to the Cardinal, because to do as you want would

be disobedience. No good can be attained in this way, and I cannot
contribute in any way to evil. So, look for someone else whose advice
you will accept and follow, and let the Cardinal know... M. General's
circular which hands her powers to you, I am returning to M.
Secretary who sent it to me. If you do not accept it in full, I cannot
33
To Ma. de la Cruz, 2nd Nov. 1892.
34
Letter from Fr. V^lez to M. Pilar, 23rd June 1892.
35
authorise it to be sent out. I will only commend the whole

Congregation to God very truly*36.
Fr. V61ez immediately communicated his decision to the Cardinal and

to M. General. Everyone, for different reasons, was very sorry about this step;
although it seems that M. Pilar did not fully realize its importance. Cardinal
Mazzella wrote to Fr. V61ez: «M. Pilar does not understand the wrong she is
doing by her silence, for by not accepting the delegation with the terms laid
down, she has no authority at all; and M. General is unable to move because
she does not know if the delegation has taken effect. So in fact the Institute
is without a government* 37 . Mazzella wrote to Fr. Urrdburu on the same
day; «Out of charity for M. Pilar, over whom you have much influence*. In
that letter Fr. Urr/tburu was given a vision of the problem distinct from what
he was accustomed to have. «M. General has done a great deal by giving up
her authority for a time to her sister, but the latter seems to show signs of
extraordinary harsh judgement and insubordination... I am afraid she has
started on a dangerous road, and so I ask for your charity to save her from the
precipice. She has said too often that (M. General) is a child; let her begin to
look upon her as Superior ...» The Cardinal ended by softening a little the
tone of what was indeed a tremendous letter: <-I am writing freely to you, but
with your charity and prudence, use what I have said for the good of the
Institute and of M. Pilar-1 appreciate her good qualities, but I cannot approve
of her present conduct* .
It seems that b the plans of Providence for this concern no one
informed M. Pilar clearly and kindly of the error of her ways. Fr. V61ez spoke
vaguely, then abandoned the busbess. Fr. Urraburu seemingly thought the
Cardinal's judgement was exaggerated, because he hardly mentioned it except
to advise M. Pilar to be prudent b some of her words which might be
misbterpreted by persons who did not know her 39 . It is obvious that for Fr.
Urraburu M. Pilar had nothing to repent of b this whole conflict except her
livelbess of spirit and lack of moderation. Neither did the Cardbal admonish
her b any way approaching the judgement he had made. He wrote on 9th
July: «You have nothbg to fear from M. General, as I told you. She has no
btention of doing anythbg b your affairs, and if she did think of anythbg, she
36
37
38
Ibid.
39
In a letter from Fr. UrrSburu to M. Purisima, 12th July he said «that he would warn M.
Pilar if possible, to be more careful about what she said and how she gave her opinion, so as not
to give rise to wrong interpretations...*
404 Part three: 1887-1893
would ask my opinion first. But, on the other hand, you need the Assistants,
and you cannot govern without them, as the Constitutions state. You say that
a remedy is urgently needed; well, do not set back God's work*. Of course, M.
Pilar could perfectly understand the Cardinal's thought; but, if we compare this
letter with the one written by him to Fr. UrrSburu, we cannot but conclude that
no one took it as a duty to open the eyes of the elder foundress in order to
help her rectify her behaviour.
What did she really think about the extent of the delegation, and her
hesitation in accepting it? As soon as she had received the letter from Fr.
V61ez in which he told her that he was withdrawing from the business, M, Pilar
wrote to him: «By no means must you withdraw, Father; let everything be done
as you think, and forgive me for the trouble I have caused you by my
letter* 40 . She adds a few measured sentences, revised, as she said, by a «very
good, discreet* Mother. No doubt she was greatly impressed by the important
effect which could be caused if Fr. V61ez withdrew. «... I don't want to conceal
from you*, she said to Fr. L.'rraburu, «that I am deeply upset, and I don't want
to write to you; not because of Fr. Velez, but because of the Family. What
awful sorrow this idea gives me!* 41 In that same letter to Fr. Urriburu she
explains what she had written to Fr. V61ez about the circular announcing the
delegation. She assured him that she had not refused to accept it, but had
simply stated the need for the Assistants to go to Rome to help M. Sacred
Heart with their advice - to watch over would have been more exact. M. Pilar's
letter to Fr. Wlez has not been preserved, and this prevents us from comparing
the ideas she states there with the explanation she gave after learning of the
Jesuit's reaction. What is certain is that the Assistants all accepted M. Pilar's
version. And this can be deduced from the letter written by M. Mirtires to M.
Sacred Heart on 12th July:
«... This Mother (M. Pilar) and the others, from what I understand,
were rather confused about the reason for the Father's decision, for
it seems that M. Pilar wrote to them straight away, showing no
disapproval of the document in question, and hoping that Father would
have it sent to all the houses at once. And when the Mothers wrote
telling her what had happened with Father, she was surprised and said
that she did not think she had said anything in her letter to him which
could have offended him, and if she had a copy of the letter she would
send it for them to sec. She also complained about the delay in giving
her authority to get on with business matters, saying her hands were
40
41
Letter of 30th June.
tied, and she could not get on ... How different from what you say in
your letter! I just cannot understand, because M. Pilar is straight and
she does not say one thing and mean another, and she does not mind
giving her opinion, even though it is the opposite of everyone
elsc's» 42 .
M. Pilar explained to M. Purisima that she did not understand why

sending two Assistants to Rome would mean dispensing with their opinion or
their vote in necessary cases («... I have carried out my job while away for
many years (always), and my opinion has always been given, and clearly ...»).
The irregular situation was prolonged until 17th July; after settling the
controversial points with the Cardinal, M. Pilar sent out the circular letter
twenty days after it had been sent out by her sister. M. San Javier thus
expressed her thoughts: «We have had such a time! It was so bad that now
when I see that most of it has been put right, I give infinite thanks to God. But
I almost find it hard to be happy because my heart is so used to suffering* 43 .
A painful silence
When wc analyse the written documents of the Institute for 1892 our
heart notices a very significant absence in the midst of a great abundance.
Where is that correspondence between the two Foundresses as in previous
years? M. Pilar's long letters, such a mixture, intuitive, spontaneous, even
impertinent or hurtful at times... The letters of a woman who had grown too
much in some respects, but not enough in others. Letters which made others
suffer, cry and frequently, laugh. And M. Sacred Heart's letters? Letters which
admonish, letters which ooze tears; magnanimous letters, treasures of
generosity and pardon; simple letters which speak of trivial matters as a cover
for some tremendously serious ones, or just to show that it is possible to be
interested in everything in the world which is outside one's own personal
problems.
There arc only six short letters from M. Pilar to M. Sacred Heart
between June 1892 and the following summer. Is it necessary to explain the
reasons for such a silence? Perhaps it is good to quote a paragraph written at
this time:
«I have not written to you for some time because I don't know what
42
Letter, 12th July 1892.
43
Letter to Maria del Carmen Aranda, 17th July 1892.
406 Part three: 1887-1893
to say, and as I cannot pretend, because that is my way, and you are
my sister, I refrain, and I say to God what I do not say to you or to
others* 44 .
During that same period five letters from M. Sacred Heart to M. Pilar
are preserved. Again, there is no need to give a reason for that silence. But on
glancing through the letters we find an explanation similar to the one quoted
above:
«I do not write to you because I think there Ls no need. I can

assure you that I love you more than ever becausc I realize that you
are the instrument used by Our Lord for my sanctification... I have to
show what I feel, otherwise it would be pretence or compliments, and
I hate both» 45 .
«I repeat again to you that I have nothing against you or the
Mothers, and I would give my life if there could be union of hearts
between the five, for I can assure you that this situation is a torment
for my soul - this inability to understand each other* 46 .
A postscript affirmed generously:
«... as we have both wanted, and still want, to fulfil this holy will (of
God), He will bless our intentions and bring them to a happy end*.
A circular letter to the houses of the Institute
The circular announcing the delegation was received in the houses of

the Institute about 19th July. The communities accepted it calmly, even though
some religious had a vague idea that something abnormal was concealed in the
fact. In general it was accepted for the reasons given in the Diary of one of the
houses: «A circular letter was received from V.R.M. General in which she said
that as she had to be away from Spain for some time she was delegating her
authority to V.R. Maria del Pilar, Assistant General, who is with us at this time
... So she was honoured and congratulated a great deal, not because it seemed
that our worthy and much loved M. General was leaving her post, but because
44
45
46
for good reasons she had to delegate her authority, she was leaving it to a
Mother who so much deserved it» .
M. Pilar wrote to M. Purisima: «Today they are celebrating here, what
is really so painful. That is the way of things in this life. I have said it should
not be mentioned outside, and I think this is the best to avoid comments. So
I have said they should not decorate the church...®48
In Jerez the note in the Diary reveals a greater knowledge of the
situation, although the fundamental acceptance of the fact was the same:
«Everyone... was joyful at seeing R.M. Pilar, and at the same time, very sad,
because each one said that she did not think she would see our V.R.M!
General again» 49 .
In fact, if such an extraordinary event as a change of government
before the appointed time could pass almost unnoticed, it was due to the heroic
silence of M. Sacred Heart. All her efforts to attain concord and peace within
the General Council had been fruitless. Her acceptance at this time was
aimed, above all, at defending the unity of the Institute. If she had so wanted,
one word of hers planted in simple, loving hearts would have changed the
submission of many of them into dislike for the Assistants. It is almost
impossible to imagine what would have happened if M. Sacred Heart had
sowed in some hearts the seeds of doubt about M. Pilar, but it is not too daring
to suspect a schism. And she, the General, the foundress, was the foundation
of the family house, the stone upon which unity and concord had to be built.
She would not promote controversy. Those responsible for the Institute could
be quite at peace.
At the end of July the Cardinal, too, was at peace. He wrote to M.
Pilar: «Your last letter has released me from a real purgatory, because I was
greatly distressed that the Institute should be left without a government.
Blessed be God! Now it is necessary to apply yourself courageously to the task
and to seek a cure for the ills as quickly as possible, especially the financial
ones. With regard to the other things, as the Religious really have such a very
good spirit, it is better to go slowly, and not make too many changes. ... I can
state that R.M. General has never had the idea of putting the busbess of the
Congregation b t o other hands, rather, her one fear was that they might not be
kept within the Family*50.
47 Diary of house in Cdrdova, p. 38.

48
49 Diary of house in Jerez, p. 116.
cn
^ Letter of 24th July 1892.
408 Part three: 1887-1893
While Our Lord is leading you along that way ...»
While M. Pilar was beginning her activity in the houses, M. Sacred

Heart resolutely accepted her inactivity. «With the year 1892 the end had come
for the time in which God asked for action, some works ... Now it was time for
not doing, for allowing oneself to be moulded by Him. No need now to seek
God's will in the signs of the times; time brought no sign but hiddenness;
discernment was finished, now only acceptancc remained ...»S1
A letter from Fr. Muruzabal encouraged her to accept generously the
new course of her life:
«... As Our Lord is leading you along this way, keep going with great
resignation and great confidence that His divine Majesty will draw
great good from it. Concern yourself with obeying everything which
that Cardinal suggests; Our Lord will dircct everything where and as
is best, seeing He is giving you that holy desire to live hidden and
given up to communication and dealing with Our Lord. All the rest
will follow, although it may not be to our taste, provided it is pleasing
to God; and as far as you are concerned, by doing what His divine will
appoints, all will go well and straight to God and to hcaven» S2 .
Well, did it go straight! To assure her even more that there was no
other way for her, a letter arrived at the beginning of August from Fr. Hidalgo.
The absurd harshness of Fr. Molina, the severe thoughts of Fr. Cermeno, the
hurtful sweetness of D. Jos£ Maria Ibarra in the letters we have seen earlier,
were as nothing in comparison with what M. General must have felt when she
read the words addressed to her by the «Father of her soul»:
«You are trying to excuse your silent journey. Rev. Mother, nothing
is worse than fiction... I am not saying this out of resentment... Not
everyone speaks or directs with the sincerity with which 1 have always
advised you; not directed, because nearly always I have seen your lack
of confidence in mc, and your need to have your own judgement
confirmed. I saw it all the more clearly the less 1 intervened ... in
advising anything in your government; for to speak the truth, I did not
sec clearly because you did not speak clcarly, or because you thought
you saw everything well, even now when everything is going on like
this...»
51
M. AGUADO, Anotaciones, p. 53-
52
The letter reproached her very clearly and ended with the following
words:
«Excuse me for the delay in answering and for writing like this; it
seemed to me before God that it had to be like this*53.
Everybody believed, and everybody saw «that it had to be like this»

when they rained blows on that fallen tree, which still retained its full capacity
for suffering, for wondering and for pardoning. Above all, the last. All the
powers of her body, which was still young, experienced, in tune with her heart,
the desire to live, to be transformed, to work. She began then the task which
she was to carry out for more than thirty years: that of helping. «As there is
plenty to do here, I immerse myself in helping, and there is never enough time
for all there is to do* 54 . Psychologically, work was the best therapy for her
in those years of hidden life; thanks to that, her mind was always clear and
serene, with an extraordinary capacity for understanding and discernment in the
midst of the confusion which befell human relationships in the government of
the Institute.
Suspicions and fears
Rome was far away, and M. Sacred Heart was living in complete
isolation. Nevertheless, her departure had not dampened the amount of
suspicion in the Assistants, who never ceased to doubt, to fear a n y t h i n g she
might do or say. This attitude can be explained, although it appears monstrous.
M. Pilar and the Assistants had given the Cardinal some kind of official
diagnosis of the ills of the Institute. Like all one-sided versions this could only
be upheld by one-sided reports. The danger of M. Sacred Heart's situation so
near the Protector consisted simply in the possibility that her personal aeeount
would contain other facts. Whether the Cardinal would accept her new
explanations depended on two factors: his own sagacity in seeing the truth
beyond the covering of words, and the trustworthiness of the person explaining.
The fears held by M. Pilar and her companions with regard to M. General's
behaviour in Rome were not dormant within their minds, but were revealed in
words and in deeds. Distrust of M. Sacred Heart for the possible consequences
of her presence in Rome, appears clearly in many letters of this period. M.
Pilar wrote: «I am horrified and plunged in sorrow, but perhaps my imagination
53
Letter to her sister, 20th January 1893.
410 Part three: 1887-1893
is exaggerating... Because, tell mc, what good influence will she have on
Mazzella? (because it is easy to dcceive him). And even though he still
believes she is a child for some things (if this idea has not vanished yet), he will
sec her as a saint, discreet and just in blaming and disparaging...*5 Although
these words may seem hurtful to us, yet they mark a deeply rooted tendency
in human beings of all times... When we strictly classify people in two opposing
groups, we be come annoyed if one placed in the opposbg group manifest
qualities which we have considered our own. And it is even more annoying
that others may appreciate this, and thus throw doubt on the validity of our
classification. If M. Sacred Heart had been bcluded under the heading
"bdiscreet and deluded" and her behaviour b Rome had shown the Cardinal
the opposite, all the reports about the state of the Institute would be
jeopardised; and this possibility would have been a great catastrophe for those
who had made such a firm judgement of the situation.
It is very painful to realize how rigidly M. Pilar had classified her own
sister at that time, and how hardened she had become b her opbion.
Everythmg that she did against her, all her most unfavourable references to her
sprang from her desire to justify her subconscious opinion which had been
forming throughout the years. Between 1892 and 1893 the small differences
had grown into deep conflict; b an atmosphere of discord, the fcclbgs of the
moment weakened M. Pilar's awareness as she directed her chargcs at M.
Sacred Heart. The sense of responsibility b the other Assistants was strangely
mixed with a certarn instinct for self-preservation; they saw their own ability to
govern and counsel questioned, and they thought they were defending the
Institute when they defended themselves against the chance of possible errors.
While shielding the respectability of their opinions before others, they forgot
the affection which they owed to the one who had been and still was their
Superior b the Congregation.
«Help, Lord, for the godly are no more, the faithful have vanished
from the earth» (Ps. 12). Yes, it was a complete shipwreck of faithfubess,
reaching each moment to pitiful extremes. In August of that sad 1892, M. Pilar
and the Assistants urged M. Maria del Carmen Aranda to write and endorse
with her signature a report on the past actions of M. General.
M. San Javier who was actbg as Secretary durbg this time, wrote to
her as follows:
«You will have heard from M. Pilar about the journey to Naples
which is planned for two Assistants who will bring the Cardbal up to
date on the situation of the Institute. M. Pilar thinks they should take
55
Letter to M. Purisima, 13th July 1892.
the minutes book with them so as to give Him the facts about what has
happened. But some things were not recorded, as you know ... such
as what happened at that meeting we had in the red room last year at
this time after the journey to Andalusia... Nothing was written about
that, because it seemed more prudent to leave it... as well as all the
other things which you will understand will enlighten the Cardinal
about events and persons, so that when he has heard from all sides, he
can settle at once the progress of the Institute. All this report, of
course, should be in Spanish, with your signature as Secretary, which
you were at the time. You will understand that you may say the things
freely, for this will only be used to inform the Cardinal; and as M.
Purisima will go, she will translate it. This Mother tells me that she
will write to you tomorrow to remind you of the things she can think
of...»56
In fact, M. Purisima did offer her help:
«... You should put into that report everything which, in the
presence of God, you understand would help to prove M. General's
inability to govern; she has even gone so far as to suggest things
against our conscience, deceiving, etc. and forcing those who suggest
things to do this...»57.
There could have been no greater insult, even though she tried to
soften the accusation «saving the intentions... as you always do, because charity
asks that... Always keep her sanctity, and attribute it to incapacity and not
knowing this through God's permission*.
This time they had gone too far; especially M. Purisima. She realized
that herself when she received Maria del Carmen's answer: «... I am sorry not
to send you that document, but I had some doubts, and I could not trust my
memory; it is not because I have any scruples about speaking... even though my
heart finds it very difficult, but I am troubled, or I don't know...*
M.Purisima did not dare to insist, and she answered, smoothing it down: «... I
received your letter and I have not answered before because when I saw that
what I asked made such an impression on you, I thought it better to leave it for
now, and God will speak* 59 .
56
Letter from M. San Javier to Maria del Carmen Aranda, 19th August 1892.
57
Letter of 21st August 1892.
58
Letter of 23rd or 24th August 1892.
£9
Letter from M. Purisima to Maria del Carmen, 26th August 1892.
412 Part three: 1887-1893
M. Maria del Carmen's integrity was shown by her resistance;

apparently it was a timid confrontation, but in reality it was very effective. And
it is worthy of note that the one-time Secretary ventured to oppose M. Pilar's
desires, and even more, those of M. Purisima, a person for whom she had a
very high opinion at that time. Some years later Maria del Carmen commented
on that step:
«I refused openly to write such a report, and I told M. Pilar my

reasons. One of them was, that according to my mind, M. Pun'sima
had taken so much part (if not officially, at least unofficially) in the
progress of affairs, that she should not be sent away... With regard to
saying that M. General was so incapable of governing that she even
suggested things which were against our conscience etc., and forccd
me, who proposed the matters, etc. which is what M. Purisima is
saying, I could never do that, because it is not true...* 60
M. Pilar had accepted the delegation of powers made by her sister, and
announced this to the Institute on 17th July, but she did not give up the idea
of sending two Assistants to Rome to keep a watch on what M. Sacred Heart
might do or say. Throughout the Summer that journey was planned, and even
care was taken to see if it could be accomplished without opposition from the
Cardinal. The adviser in this ease was Fr. Urraburu who had been won over
to the cause of the Assistants against M. General; he was convinced by the
reasons continually given him by M. Pilar. He wrote on 15th August: «I think
this journey could be made, if the Cardinal is not against it. Write and ask for
his permission*. It is clear that this man, so prudent in other ways, fell into the
error of accepting all the criticism against M. Sacred Heart; and once he
became influenced by those accusations and condemnations, he even
encouraged the search for written evidence which would confirm the rumours
of the incompetence of the General. «... It would not be bad if it was taken
from letters or documents ... But try to get hold of them and bring them with
you. In any case those documents must be used and shown, even to the
Cardinal, with discretion, and to clarify matters...* Although Fr. Urriburu's
blindness in this case cannot be denied, yet even in these sad interventions his
attitude is very much better than that of some of his brothers in religion
(Molina, Cenneno, Hidalgo...) His behaviour is an example of how moderation
can, in a ccrtain way, lessen and even redeem many errors.
The Cardinal was not over enthusiastic about seeing the Assistants in
Naples or in Rome, because, as he said, the mission of the Protector was to
M
History ofM. Sacred Heart II p. 70-71.
cooperate in the good management of the business of the Institute, but not to
take on the government-. «For several reasons I do not think it advisable for mc
to invite the Assistants to Rome. I am ready to do whatever I can to help the
Institute, but I cannot take on the government...* 61 Some months had to go
by before the journey of the Assistants became a reality.
61
l i t t e r to M. Pilar 21st August 1892.
Chapter VII
«MAY HE LOVE ME EVEN THOUGH IT MEANS LOSING

MY SKTN»
«God never fails me; may He be hlessed»
While M. Pilar was anxious to send the Assistants to Rome, and they
were talking, conjecturing, bustling about in their fever of responsibility for the
imagined ills of the Institute, the object of all their worries was alone between
heaven and earth. M. Sacred Heart saw pass before her eyes the story of her
whole life, offered so generously to God. In the midst of this trial she was
helped by knowledge of the rcctitude of her steps, the integrity of her conduct
and the complete sincerity of her heart. A scries of letters written at this time,
very moving letters, reveal her attitude far better than any words of ours.
The one she wrote to Fr. Muruzibal reveals, perhaps better than any,
how confused was that situation. Things had become so complicated that
M.Sacred Heart was heartily grateful when her explanations did not cause even
more reasons for ill-feeling:
«... I thanked Our Lord that I had not displeased you with my two
previous letters, and I am trying to follow the advice you give me. With
regard to resignation, that is not very hard, because Our Lord is
bearing the cost, although I cannot deny that the enemy taunts me
with the idea that my life has been a pure farce, and now the moment
of truth has arrived; and this is so clear, Father, that truly I have
hardly anyone on my side. First, because no one really knows the
truth, or what my eyes, perhaps blinded, see as truth; and secondly,
this business seems to be a deep mystery, and without a miracle, it is
impossible for anyone to dispel it; and all attempts to do so have only
deepened it more and have highlighted the cause of the darkness.
I think I can see it more clcarly every day, but even this troubles
me, because I am afraid that it may be what I have heard so many
times from virtuous persons, that pride is blinding me...»
She was undoubtedly recalling the warnings of Fr. Cermeno, of Fr.

Molina, of D. Jos6 Maria Ibarra, and Fr. L'rraburu's silences, and the farewell
of Fr. Vaiez...
«In the presence of God, who is always my refuge in these sorrows,

I am confirmed in this, that I am seeing clcarly, yet, in spite of feeling
C.7. «May He love me...» 415
peace, tranquility, consolation and great charity towards those who are
causing these sorrows, I am also afraid, and very much at times, that
the enemy may even be hidden in this. Because, Father, the persons
who are making me suffer are very good people and according to
those who understand, they have great relationship with God, and high
prayer, and good knowledge of true virtue, and yet it seems to me that
they are doing much harm. And it occurs to me to wonder if the same
is not happening to me, that I am believing good, something that is
bad, and that my errors have caused these painful troubles which seem
so harmful for God's glory».
She felt the struggle, she could at times, experience some doubt, like
a temptation, wondering whether her life had been a «pure farce ». But in the
depths of her soul she was firmly anchored in the security of absolute
confidence in God which was all the more admirable because of the lack of
human support:
«1 don't know if I do wrong, but when this strongly oppresses me,

I throw myself into God's arms and abandon myself to Him, striving
to serve Him more faithfully.
But, in spite of these attacks, I never lose peace, and I feel I am
strengthened to go on suffering always. My superior part rejoices, and
Our Lord helps the inferior part so much that I can overcome it*1.
The letter which she wrote a few days later to Fr. Hidalgo was a reply
to his in which he had written some very harsh words because he was offended
at not knowing previously about her decision to go to Rome. From Fr.
Hidalgo's point of view his reaction was in some way understandable, but his
undeserved scolding filled her with a heartbreaking sense of desertion. It is not
strange that when she answered the Jesuit she referred, without actually
quoting, to the words of St. Francis of Assisi when the Saint was disowned by
his father 2 . She was abandoned by everyone, so she trusted more than ever
in the love of the Father who is in heaven:
«... You also are doubting me. What have 1 left now, but to raise my
eyes to heaven and say: Our Father, who art in heaven! God never
1
U t t e r of 21st August 1892.
2
«Until now I have called you father on earth, but from now on I can say with absolute
confidence: Our Father, who art in heaven, in whom I have placed my whole treasure, all my
security and my hope».
422 Part three: 1887-1893
fails me; may He be blessed. He supports me in great peace in the

midst of so many sorrows that I am encouraged to think this is some
kind of expiation. I have never ceased to trust you; but some morsels
were so hard for you that I did not let you know some things which I
kept, as I am doing now, in the depths of my soul... Be at peace,
Father, about me, for God is not displeased with me...» 3
«God never fails me... God is not displeased with me...» The
foundations of the earth could shake before she would lose this absolute
conviction.
In her letters she mentions both her fear of the torture surrounding
her, and her trust in Him who supports her in such «very great peace». These
are the two great themes of her life's symphony: acknowledgement of her
weakness, and faith in the love of her Lord - «God's power Ls made perfect in
weakness* (2 Cor. 12.9) - which miraculously prevents her from giving way
before such suffering. She described her anguish with great realism in another
letter to Fr. Hidalgo:
«My life has always been a struggle, but for the last two years the
sorrows are so extraordinary that it is only through God's
omnipotence, which miraculously sustains me at every moment, that
my body does not fall to the earth. What awful suffering, Father, of all
kinds! my body, my soul, my heart, my whole being, in continual
anguish and abandonment, and seeing that this is going to last long,
very long.
But do I think I am abandoned by God? No, but this belief is like
a very fine thread in my soul, always liable to be broken. But
nevertheless He is sustaining and strengthening it so that it does not
faint.
And, on top of all this, I have no one to whom I can entrust my
soul. And, even if I had, I could not. What shall I say? You, who are
the one who knows me best, have doubted, and not only once. So if
my life is just pure illusion and deceit, to whom shall I go? My God
has withdrawn; all creatures, even the closest ones, arc going on with
their mistrust and even more; it is indescribable. Can I even be sure
that my life is not blameworthy?
Yet, I do want to believe it, and although I acccpt this as a
punishment for my faults, my conscience seems to tell me this is not
so. Can I believe that; am I not deceiving myself? Everyone else sees
3
Rough copy, undated, but probably written between 26th and 27th August 1892.
the opposite; is this not my stubborn judgement?

I examine myself, I beg God with tears for light, and I tell Him that
my desires to be holy and faithful to his grace are unchanging, that I
long to have my soul pure in His eyes, and I ask Him to let me see my
sins clearly. And do you know what I get from that? Great peace and
calm, and desires to suffer even more, and to bear everything in
silence. I have to offer myself to the Divine will with complete
forgetfulness of self. It seems this is what pleases Him. Soon after I
came I was in the midst of one of these terrible struggles, b l a m i n g
myself that because of my sins I was doing nothing for the
Congregation. And in the depths of my soul I heard: As much, or
more than before; it is an eternal work and for its greater honour* 4 .
«As much or more than before*. In that darker, more painful situation,
God continued to speak to her with that mysterious voice which is heard only
in the depths of the heart ("In the depths of my soul", she says). The Foundress
saw her past activities, her work for the Institute. «As much or more than
before*: God's voice became that of a commentator which explains and
interprets the pictures on a film. M. Sacred Heart pondered on her exertions
of previous years, her solicitude and care for the members of the Institute: her
great desire to inflame them all with «true love for Jesus in the Blessed
Sacrament, and the concern of His Divine Heart for the salvation of souls*, to
«increase zeal*, to form communities «united as the fingers of a hand* who,
with the witness of their lives and with their prayer would bring Christ «to be
adored by the people*.., M. Sacred Heart remembered so many things she had
done, the night vigils, the long hours of prayer, the prolonged dialogues, of
attentive, and understanding listening to each one of the Sisters.
«I would give my life for peace*, she had said some time before. Now
the moment had arrived for giving it. It was the time to leave aside her own
efforts - great or small - limited as they were by human weakness. But the
hour had come to begin an «eternal work*; one, sole work which, paradoxically
appeared in the form of inaction and rest. And she who was so used to tiring
herself out for the Institute, had a moment of anguish: she rebuked herself
interiorly, becausc it seemed she was doing nothing: «As much, or more than
before*: those words gave her the highest interpretation and reinstated her
definitively in her role of Foundress. The «eternal work*, hidden and unknown,
would draw down the greatest graces upon the Institute and would make her
a saint.
Faith in God's love would sustain M. Sacred Heart throughout all the
4
U t t e r of 29th September 1892.
418 Part three: 1887-1893
years of trial. But that heroic trust which would keep her from despair would
not prevent the suffering of feeling herself entirely alone. The supernatural
consolation of knowing that she was not âbandoned by God» did not nullify
that very human desire in her for some tangible support. She did not have it.
She accepted that privation for the one reason with which she accepted all the
joyful or painful events of her life. But with moving simplicity she tried to
make Fr. Hidalgo understand; not only for the relief which his compassion
would give, but also as a way of assuring herself that God wanted her in that
unusual and extraordinary situation of suffering 5 .
It seems incredible that Fr. Hidalgo did not think fit to answer these
letters from M. Sacred Heart. Perhaps he could not find adequate words for
the anguish which filled them; what is ccrtain is that such heartrending
paragraphs as the following remained unanswered:
«Oh, Father, if I were good, I would say that all that is happening
to me is what happens to the highest saints. But as I am not, I am left
almost without strength, and I fear for my life or for my reason. So
much alone, Father, with no one to whom I can look to give me light.
Quite the opposite, if I go to anyone, it is only to surround me with
greater darkness.
This does not happen to me with God. But who will tell me that this
is true? The past frightens me when I see how it looks now, but not
when I see it in the light of God. But then I begin to doubt. I say to
God: Is it possible, my Lord, that one who has always sought you in
good faith, with rectitude and continual mortification, should be lost?
... In the midst of this horrible storm I am peaceful, but I even
suspcct this peace. Those who are against me are also at peace, they
reccive Holy Communion every day, they pray a lot, their directors
venerate them, considering them very holy, everything they do is
strictly according to their conscience. Which is the true way, my
Lord?... But none of this would matter if I thought you understand
everything and would take responsibility for me, guiding me only by
what you know God wants of me, even though it would lead me to the
gallows, doing nothing because of what others might say, or for any
other human reason. Father of my soul, forgive mc for being so clear,
but God wants it.
One more thing, in God's name. Read my letters slowly, and get to
know everything, so that you may answer mc quite surely. I am sorry
to think that you did not even read some of my previous letters, and
^ Several rough copies of letters to Fr. Hidalgo exist; probably five letters were sent.
that is very painful in some circumstances* 6 .
«To follow Him even more closely than up till now*
The letter to Fr. Hidalgo just quoted had a brief postscript: «I begin
my retreat on 6th; I have nothing to add*.
She began her retreat well aware of its importance at that spccial
moment of her life. Among her writings on the first day there is a realistic,
heroic prologue:
«I should often think that if at one time God wanted to use me for
works that show, I can give Him the same glory by fulfilling his will
exactly and joyfully while hidden and unknown, now that He wants me
to be hidden and dishonoured b the eyes of the world. Although He
is pleased to be served in all states of life, he is much more pleased
with me now b this state of abjection b which His holy will has placed
me, where I can practise virtues with greater purity and more
heroism...*
With her whole being open to God, M. Sacred Heart surrendered

herself once more to the contemplation of that Christ the Lord «Eternal Kbg»
who, b the words of St. Ignatius of Loyola, «calls each one b particular, and
says: «My will is to conquer the whole world and all the enemies, and thus
enter b t o the glory of ray Father. Therefore, anyone who wishes to come with
mc has to work with me, so that following me b sorrow he may also follow me
in glory»7. St. Ignatius considers that offering oneself for the work is just a
simple matter of right judgement: «... All those who have judgement and reason
will offer their whole self for the work...*8 «It is a question of b e b g ready to
take part b the history of conquering the world, that is, of being prepared to
open oneself to the truth of the kingdom of God; to accept weariness, poverty,
cross and death, which are ncccssary for m a k b g us part of that kingdom and
of His glory*9.
But St. Ignatius continues:
6
Spiritual Exercises 95.
e
Q
' RAHNER, Mediations on the Exercises, p. 130.
426 Part three: 1887-1893
«Those who more seriously wish to be outstanding in the service of

their eternal King and universal Lord, will not only offer themselves
for the work, but acting against their own sensuality and against their
earthly and fleshly love, they will make an offering of greater worth
and importance, saying: Eternal Lord of all things, I make my oblation
with your favour and help, in the presence of your infinite goodness
and of your glorious Mother, and of all the Saints of the heavenly
court, that I wish and desire, and it is my deliberate determination,
provided it is for your greater service and praise, to imitate you in
enduring all kinds of insults, reproaches and poverty, both actual and
spiritual, if your holy Majesty wishes to choose and acccpt me for that
kind of life and state» 10 .
This was not mere theory for M. Sacred Heart at this time. She had
no doubt as to where God's will was pointing, or what were His plans for the
direction of her life. So, on this occasion, as on so many others, she made her
oblation «of greater worth and importance*, based on the reality of her daily
life in order to unite it to the «greatest service and praise* which a human
creature can offer to her Lord. On the sixth day of the retreat she wrote an
expressive paraphrase of St. Ignatius' words:
«Divine Captain and Saviour of my soul, today, 12th October 1892,

I enlist once again in your ranks to follow you even more closely than
heretofore in the sorrows, hardships, humiliations, dishonour, wrong
interpretations, distrust, and all that is included in the divine standard
of your holy cross, begging you with all humility not to despise my
desires as unworthy of such a favour, for you know, my King, that
although I am weak and cowardly, 1 have made some efforts not to
turn my back on the enemy or to separate myself from your side...*11
The meaning of this offering was confirmed by some notes written on

other days: «The only resolution, which will be my rule of life: to despise myself
and want others to despise me... Insults - listen to them in silencc and with
humility, and never mention them to anybody except through obedience. Never
speak about myself either in a good sense or bad. When it is necessary, speak
about those who are wronging me, always in a charitable way...* Such words
could be considered normal, pious expressions coming from the pen of a
person accustomed to reading spiritual writers. But it is not possible to judge

11
Spiritual notes, 27,
C.7. «May He love tne...» 421
them in this way. At that time they coincided in a very touching way with her
own attitude in the face of humiliation and scorn. It is her absolute realism
which makes these notes sublime. But we should still compare these
resolutions with other interesting facts: points which show that in this retreat
and always, M. Sacred Heart tried to play down her difficult circumstances; she
tried by every means to be objective b her analysis of a situation fraught with
so much prejudice. And she did not consider this effort unimportant as can be
seen from the various references b her writbgs where she speaks of it as a
means to mamtab her peace with God and with others: «Strive not to give way
to imagbation, exaggerating things as with a magnifying glass, but try to sec
everything calmly... and when anything upsets us, do not speak a word or even
think about it until we have slept on it; for we know by experience that what
looks black before we go to sleep, looks white when wc wake up... Do not
expect things to be judged as I see them ... Explab the truth, and let cach one
say what she thinks... Do not speak about thbgs which I am not qrnte sure
about... Listen much and speak little... When anyone comes to me b trouble,
let them unburden themselves and do not confront them... In thbgs that I can
do freely, don't be swayed by opinions... At home, great simplicity b what I
do...»
If anyone should feci tempted to bclude M. Sacred Heart among the
fleshless, ethereal sabts, the sabts of literature and art, who perhaps have
never existed b this world, they should consider the lively realism of those
resolutions, written by Saint Raphaela Mary as a means to a t t a b the great
objective of her holbess:
- I must be crucified to the world, as the world must be crucificd to

me.
I must strive with all my soul that the life of Christ which lives b
me may shbe forth b all my works. My senses, powers and the
affections of my heart should act only b Christ, through Christ and for
Christ, to make me like Christ. And I should not be satisfied with
that, but with discretion and prudence draw everyone I can to relish
Christ».
Fr. Alexander Mancini SJ. directed that retreat. She spoke to him of
the things of her spirit and she gave him the written record of her resolutions.
The Jesuit added a sentence b Latb: «Confirma hoc Deus quod operatus es
in nobis*12, thereby underlining the validity of those good desires. But he was
far from understandbg the person who was trying to confide b him. Influenced
12 «Confirm, o God, what you have worked in us».

422 Part three: 1887-1893
by opinions against M. Sacred Heart, he even said for the first time - what a
sad first time! - that she was a 'donna pia, buona, piissima, ma la sua
testa...' 13 Fr. Mancini was very fond of psychological investigation, and he
thought he had found in that Religious, spoken of by some as a failure, a fitting
object for his modest study. It seems incredible that he made no effort to
discover the truth underlying his contradictory information, especially as he had
at hand the help of the writings which Mother had shown him. At the end of
the 19th century psychology was not a fully developed science, and it seems that
Fr. Mancini did not possess any special insights in that field. Yet, although this
good priest was unable to measure the spiritual depths of that humble, meek
and clear-sighted Religious, she confided her innermost thoughts to him. Wc
choose a few passages from M. Sacred Heart's notes:
«Prayer now has become a habit, and so my spirit Ls always ready,

either in dryness or in consolation, like a daughter speaking to her
father ... who receives what she most needs from him; and she is
always, not only contented, but satisfied and grateful and well aware
of what she needs, and with still greater desires to return to his side...»
«I do not become accustomed to receiving Holy Communion; every

day I value this treasure more ...»
«I see in past events a great proof of how much Our Lord loves mc
by giving me the chance to practise solid virtues, which I would never
have attained in any other way. And I sec the causes as instruments
used by God, which makes me fee! more compassion than dislike.
Nevertheless, I am sorry for their blindness, and I pray to Our Lord
to send light on that darkness...»
«I see myself stripped of every good, and more and more fit for
what is bad; and I consider this which seems so clear, to be a light
from heaven, and this and all the benefits my soul receives, all without
exception are from God, absolutely from God».
«His presence in my soul is almost continual, and at times it makes

me enjoy the delights of heaven, because I see He is very happy there,
resting and at ease, as in His own house. This interior life is like an
anticipation of glory. It reveals to me the mystery which I strove so
hard to understand, and could not: how the saints could rejoice in their
13
«A pious, good, very pious woman, but her head...»
C. 7. «May He love me.. 423
crosses, the martyrs in their struggles, and how the greatest suffering
could be the greatest delight... So, I want to be very generous, so as to
enlarge the depths of my soul as much as possible; and this urges me
to open my mouth to God always, asking Him for more and more, like
little birds asking their mother for the food they need...»
With the good desire of «opening her heart» to the one who could
direct her, M. Sacred Heart confidcd to Fr. Mancini, and she said in a letter
to Fr. Hidalgo: «He advised me to love my state and to leave myself in Our
Lord's hands; in his own time, and the more generous I am, the shorter it will
be, he will return* 14 . This was very general guidance, but none the less
profitable for a person so deeply aware that God would turn to good all the
painful circumstances of her life. She ended: «His words gave me much
strength*. «His words*, the words of Fr. Mancini who had commented with
compassion on the precarious state of her mind... «Everything cooperates to
the good of those who love God* (cf. Rom 8.28).
«May Our Lord's will be fulfilled in me

even though it costs me my life*
She wrote to Fr. Muruz^bal at the end of the year, summing up in

faith the whole of that painful history, in which suffering was only overcome by
her acceptance and love:
«I speak somewhat in fear, and I do not know if I am mistaken, but

I seem to see more clearly each day that what is happening to mc is
a good trial from God to purify my soul from its many miseries,
especially its subtle self love; and if I am faithful to this great grace
from Our Lord, it will all redound greatly to His honour and glory,
which is what matters.
I am so sure about this that I can never pray for an end to these
sorrows, but rather that Our Lord's will may be accomplished in me,
even though it costs me my life; and I bow my head without ceasing
before the Blessed Sacrament, asking that, although I am unworthy He
may be satisfied with me as a victim. And I believe that the goodness
of Our Lord accepts this, because I feel greatly strengthened and I can
always appear joyful* 15 .
14
Undated letter, probably mid. October 1892.
15
Letter of December 1892.
424 Part three: 1887-1893
On the last day of the year, M. Saered Heart thought of her old
Secretary, M. Maria del Carmen Aranda. She wrote to her one of her most
beautiful letters:
«I would have liked to write to you before this, because of your

consideration for me and my love for you in Jesus, but since the
Immaculate Conception, God Our Lord has had me unwell, and this
is the chief reason for the delay until today when I still have my neck
bound up. I am glad that God Our Lord visits me in this way too,
because it is a sign that He loves me, which is what I desire with all
my heart; that He may love me, even though I be skinned alive; for
innumerable saints lost their lives in this blessed and holy city because
of that. Here on every side, one sees nothing but these heroes of
grace, and I can assure you that one is ashamed on seeing them,
knowing that we fear so much what they considered their delight,
which was to suffer without respite, to be despised, humiliated,
dishonoured, and finally to give their lives for their God who is also
ours: to imitate Him truly, not just as an idea, but in reality, for since
his holy birth He is teaching us clearly that this and no other is the
true way, although our weakness may make it smoother.
The paper has come to an end, and I have not said what I really
wanted to say, but you will have imagined it: I ask for a thousand,
thousand blessings for you from Jesus; I placed you all in his little
Heart at midnight, and I asked Him to fill you with all His precious
virtues with the fire of His blessed charity. For superiors, I ask deep
humility and tender charity for the weak; and for subjects, patience
and mutual tolerance, and for all, such great desires to imitate Him in
everything that you may all be one among yourselves, so as to be one
in Jesus, so as to remain in that place where I have enclosed you for
this new year.
Ask the same for me; 1 embrace you in the most holy love, your
very loving servant of you all, Mary of the Sacred Heart of Jesus» 16 .
16
Letter of 31st December 1S92.
1893. Watched and spied upon
MM. Purisima and Maria de la Cruz left for Rome in January. M.

Pilar had obtained from the Cardinal a permission so reluctant that it seemed
to reveal his acceptance of the inevitable. He wrote to M. Pilar: «I cannot
guess the reasons of the two Mothers for coming here. But if you think it
might be useful for them to come, I do not oppose it» 17 . The Assistants had
used Fr. Urriburu's influence to obtain that permission; in spite of his usual
reserve, he had taken up the matter as his own on this occasion.
The travellers left on 19th January and stopped in Ona to speak to that
Father. M. Purisima was determined by this time to obtain the absolute
resignation of M. General. In her conversation with Fr. UrrSburu she asked
him if he thought that M. Sacrcd Heart had given cause to be deposed from
her post. According to M. Purisima afterwards, the Jesuit replied in the
affirmative 18 . If that is correct, then this was one of the least felicitous acts
of his life. The Assistants arrived in Rome on 30th January after an epic
journey filled with mishaps. They went in disguise, because they thought it
better to stay unknown in the city; hence they did not go to the house of the
Institute. All was planned behind M. Sacred Heart's back because the Cardinal
thought that she might be upset by the Mothers' arrival.
By that time they had all joined the opposition against M. General.
The Cardinal, tired by the shower of contradictory opinions, began to believe
that she was incapable of governing. In the autumn Mother had told him of
her fears about certain actions of M. Pilar, and had said «she could only be at
peacc if His Eminence would take the responsibility of the charge upon
himself®. They had the following conversation:
«— Did you hand over absolutely, or with any limits?

— Absolutely, just as Your Eminence dictated.
— Then you cannot blame the one who is governing; either you take
away her authority, or you must have recourse to the Sacred
Congregation.
— Take away her authority now? That would only cause more
serious trouble.
— Of course it would! Then, as far as I am concerned, you are free
to go to the Sacred Congregation; and when they come to me, as they
will, I shall say what I know, without judging anybody, just as I see
17
U t t e r of 10th January 1893.
18
Maria del Carmen Aranda states this; she knew it through M. Purisima; she had no other
source of information. Cf. History of M. Sacred Heart II, p. 102.
426 Pan three: 1887-1893
things* 19
After that conversation M. Sacred Heart realised that the Cardinal was
doubting - «he is favourable to the other side now, and he is judging me as they
do* - . That was the truth. All she had left was the restrained consolation
of Fr. MuruzSbal who brought her the words of the angel in the Garden of
Olives; that is, he always exhorted her to drink resolutely all the bitterness of
that hour. He did not see clearly if her resignation would be helpful or not He
left it to the Cardinal's advice, and he prayed that God might confirm her «in
those sentiments of love, suffering with Our Lord Jesus Christ, and of
complete acceptance and abandonment of her will to the fatherly providence
of that same Lord* .
Besides being deprived of the assurance of real spiritual direction at
such a special time, M. Sacred Heart was losing, little by lit Lie, the support
which would be given by the affeetion of the Religious of the Institute. Who
would have told her some years before that she would be betrayed by that dear
Maria del Salvador, by the one she herself had praised so warmly in the face
of criticism by M. Purisima or M. Pilar? By this time Maria del Salvador was
Superior of the house in Rome. She was highly esteemed by the Cardinal
Protector, and with him she had joined the stream of distrust of M. Sacred
Heart, and was acting as a faithful guard of her conduct and her movements
She wrote from Rome to M. Purisima: «The Cardinal and 1 always agreed, and
we were helping you, although without seeming to do so. The Lord has
allowed the Cardinal to see how things are, and also the one who advises her
(Fr. Mancini); and they both, in perfect agreement with me, help to calm down
her fears, and they even oblige her to behave well with their good advice. As
she is good and loves and strives for perfection, she soon accepts what they
advise* .
Little explanation is needed to realise the tragedy of the situation as
depicted in those lines. So we learn from M. Maria del Salvador's letter that
there were three people in Rome acting in perfect agreement to interpret every
word and act of M. Sacred Heart in the light of their own preconceived ideas.
It is provoking to think that they resorted to the most holy methods to reduce
M. General to what they called ^tranquility*. And it is easy to understand how
useless it was for M. General to attempt to explain past events, or to try to give
reasons for her fears for the future. Everything became vague and obseure;
19
20
Letter from M. Sacred Heart to Fr. MuruzjSbal, 20th September 1892.
Letter to Fr. Hidalgo, 30th September 1892-
21
22 Letter of 18th January 1893.
everyone was helpbg to make the clouds still darker. Mother had said to Fr.
Muruzfibal: "This business has something mysterious about it, and without a
miracle no one will be able to solve it*23.
*Here they say quite openly that

she is not right in the head*
When MM. Purisima and Maria de la Cruz arrived in Rome they

quickly gathered the latest opinions about M. Sacred Heart and sent them to
Spam. «We saw D. Camilo 24 today, ... According to him and to another
priest, Mother is not right in the head. Look, what a sorrow, Maria! Although
now it is easier to explain her conduct...* In communicating this opinion to
Maria del Carmen Aranda, M. Purisima began to make use of a means which
would be fully exploited b the years to come 25 . Under the pretext of piety
the foundations were laid with a reputation for mental disturbance which would
later be extended to M. Pilar and to the family of the Foundresses...
The account of M. Sacred Heart's mental weakness was accepted
without difficulty. «Here they are saying quite openly that she is not right b
the head...* That began b Rome, then later it was said b Spain. As she
commented on that, M. Maria del Carmen Aranda lamented: «I think that the
Assistants' journey was inspired, and it will put an end to our sorrows. Even if
it does not, Mother's trouble is very great. Poor dear* 26 . They did not of
course, think she was really suffering from a mental illness; but they too easily
caught hold of the idea that she was emotionally upset, and rather unbalanced,
and they commented on this with persons who knew more or less about the
problems m the Institute. The supposed illness of M. Sacred Heart took on
varybg shades accordbg to the m b d of the one who was speaking about her
M. Pilar said to Maria del Carmen Aranda: «Don't think that Rudesbda is
mad. Poor dear! She is not, but her soul has been destroyed like that of
children who are praised and pampered. But God will put thbgs righf I believe
that; and that will be b His own good time...* 27 It is alarming to see in these
words, so untrue m their literal meaning, the tremendous truth which was so
far from the mtention of the writer. «Her soul has been destroyed*, said
M.Pilar, and m reality the combbcd action of so many destructive elements
23
24
Cardinal Camilo Mazzella.
25
Letter of 31st January 1893.
26
Letter to M.M. Purisima and Maria de la Cruz, 5th February 1893,
27
428 Part three: 1887-1893
could have destroyed very solid buildings. M. Sacred Heart was not annihilated
because she opposed the violence with nothing more than meekness and
patience. God would defend her, but years would have to pass before «His own
good time* arrived. M. Pilar was making a prophecy about the future,
although she did not know it.
Although the Assistants did not go to the Handmaids' house in Rome,

the Cardinal agreed to interviews between them and the Superior of the
community. M. Maria del Carmen Aranda wrote about those conversations
later on, affirming their importance:
«M. Maria del Salvador had changed, although, if I say what I feel,
it was not a change, but the result of her own thoughtless,
impressionable character, and of too much imagination; but what is
certain is that she revealed that M. General had been to Fidsole to
speak to Fr. General (of the Jesuits), and in his absence, to Fr.
Assistant; and she also went to consult Fr. Bucceroni at the Sacred
Congregation; that she had in her possession copies of the
Constitutions of three Institutes, and was reading them, etc. etc. All,
in appearance, acts of lese-majesty. As if M. General had no right to
consult such persons and the Fathers of the Society of Jesus; and even
though she went to Fr. Bucceroni, it was not because he was a
Consultor of the Sacrcd Congregation, but because he was an eminent
Jesuit. Neither was there anything wrong in studying the government
of modern Institutes when our own, or our own Constitutions had to
be settled before definitive approval.. And if the Assistants in Madrid
were able to consult and speak to anyone they wished, ... how much
more right had the one who was alone, persecuted, and attacked, to
consult, and to study ... the various rules or Constitutions of Institutes
similar to ours, the one who, with M. Pilar, was the foundress of ours
and had as much right as she had, and more than anyone else, to
• 9.R
decide how it was to be constituted?
That paragraph was written twenty years after the events, and it shows
us the difference between an emotional and an objective view. In 1912 Maria
del Carmen Aranda considered that too much importance had been given to
the consultations by M. Sacred Heart in 1893; she herself with the other
Assistants had considered them to be the result of her excited state at that
time. She wrote in 1893 about the years in which she was General Secretary
28
History ofM. Sacred Heart II, p. 103-104.
C.7. «May He love me.~» 429
«Many things are due to Rudesinda's character 29 , and I learned that while I
was in harness* 30 .
In the middle of February Cardinal Mazzella spoke to Mother about
her worries which had made her consult certain persons. She was able to say
quite simply what she had already written before: «I made the delegation, and
I did so with pleasure as soon as I knew that this was Your Eminence's desire.
I am very happy to have transfered my authority; would that Our Lord would
allow me to stay always in the most hidden corner of any house in the Institute!
I made that delegation thinking that it just meant entrusting M. Pilar with the
care of the Financial state of the Institute, which she had said was deplorable.
Now, M. Pilar has given such a broad interpretation to that document as I
could never have imagined* 31 . The Cardinal listened to her and then
repeated the three possible solutions for the conflict which he could see, just
as he had done in September 1892. The Protector then authorised the
Assistants, who were still strictly incognito, to go to the house of the Institute,
pretending that they had just - 16th February - arrived from Spain. He
prepared the way by speaking of their imminent «arrivai» to M. Sacred Heart.
«It is as if someone is tormenting a child...*
They had all been fearing the encounter, and predicting awful results;
even Cardinal Mazzella thought so. They were mistaken once again.
M.Purfsima wrote to M. San Javier: «We arrived today at eleven o'clock.
Mother was very affectionate, making such edifying efforts. Poor dear! Really,
it is just as if one is tormenting a child..*32. Tremendous words, which even
the one who wrote them did not fully understand. It was true. They were
sacrificing innocence and justice, in the person of M. Sacred Heart, and her
pure generous, heroic figure became the witness - «martyrium» - of the simple
strength of those who remain as children in the face of the duplicity of many
who think they are mature when they are merely adult.
At last they were going to reach the one valid solution which M.
Sacred Heart had foreseen for a long time: her resignation. It was one of the
means suggested by the Cardinal, but the other two were practically not
feasible. It was not possible to stay with an insecure, confused form of
29
M. Sacrcd Heart.
30
Letter to M. Pilar, 16th February 1893.
31 Letter to the Cardinal, September 1892. M. Maria de la Cruz alludes to this conversation
in a letter to M. Pilar, 15th February 1893.
32 16th February 1893.
430 Part three: 1887-1893
government such as the delegation. A clarification of facts before the Sacred

Congregation was totally opposed to the desires of them all, because this would
have meant revealing signs of a very obscure illness in certain members of the
Institute; and making it worse, different persons would impute that illness to
different members. So, once more we conclude: resigning was the only thing
left, and for that they were sure of the firm wish of M. General, who was ready
to disappear for love of unity and peace. «You do not understand anything. Do
you not realise that it is right for one person to die for all the people?» (Jn.
11,49-50). Yes, it was right. And having arrived at this point they only had to
seek the easiest way of finishing off the business.
«May God Our Lord grant a miracle so that she may make the desired
resignation*, so wrote Maria del Carmen Aranda in a letter to M, Pilar 33 .
Even then they still distrusted the selfless attitude of M. Sacred Heart. M.Pilar
thought that some person in authority would be able to persuade her to resign,
a Jesuit «whom she does not dislike, could touch her soul... with gentle,
spiritual advice, intense words, assuring her that the more a person abases
herself, the more God is honoured ...» They had reached the point where
all means seemed permissible provided they attained their end. A sad blindness
of the understanding, a darkening of vision.
We should not condemn the Assistants as heartless. They had lost their
sense of proportion in that turbulent river. They had concentrated all their
interest on what they considered the «salvation of the Institute*, and had
plunged into a kind of holy war, without any thought for individual persons,
leaving aside mercy, kindness, rectitude in small details... But they were
suffering, and they were aware, each one in her own way, that they were
causing very great sorrow.
A letter from M. Pilar reveals quite clearly her attitude at that time:
«Tell D. Camilo 35 the following, begging him earnestly, for love of God to
avoid letting us go to the Sacred Congregation denounced, and still less allow
Da. Rudesinda to be denounced 36 because that would be a terrible sorrow
and humiliation for her and for us, as well as bringing discredit to the family
...»37 M. Pilar was determined to oust her sister from the government of the
Institute, but she wanted this serious step to be accomplished as quietly as
possible, as if it were not really a matter of great importance. She was
prompted by very mixed motives, but it is undeniable that one of them was her
33
Ibid.
34
Letter to MM. Purisima and Maria de la Cruz, 17th February 1893.
35 ,Cardinal Camilo Mazzella.
36
M. Sacred Heart.
37 Letter from M. Pilar to MM. Purisima and Maria de la Cruz, 18th February 1893.
affcction, albeit misguided. (It was the attitude she had shown in previous
years, based on a lack of appreciation of her sister's qualities).
The resignation «... looking only at the good

of the Institute*
In the meantime M. Sacred Heart had made her own decision:
«Your Eminence: In conformity with what has been arranged, and

having thought about it before Our Lord, I have to tell Your
Eminence that the best thing seems to me to leave the decision to the
Assistants, and then to agree with the majority, although I would
always have preferred to hand in my resignation, but I do not want to
decide for myself in such a serious matter* 38 .
Perhaps M. Sacred Heart consulted Fr. Enrique P6rez who wrote to

Maria del Carmen Aranda 39 . Or perhaps she only followed her common
sense. Fr. UrrSburu, one of the arbitrators of the Institute on this occasion,
said: «I think that the proposal by Rudesbda 4 0 is very good and inspired by
God, that is, to pray and to ask advice of those who have a right to give it* .
In Madrid a triduum of prayer was held «to make the right decision in some
serious matters* - said M. Pilar to the community without explaining what
those matters were 42 .
The result of all the reflection was a unanimous opinion in favour of
resignation, not only by M. General, but by all the Assistants with her. On 3rd
March 1893 the five members of the governing body signed their collective
resignation on account of «serious difficulties which have been b evidence for
some time*, after having tried various other means which have not been
efficacious, and seekbg «only the good of the Institute*. The document was
addressed to the Sacred Congregation of Bishops and Regulars, but it went
privately from the Cardbal Protector to the Prefect of the Sacred
Congregation. Mazzella explabed to the Prefect the reasons for the resignation:
38
Letler from M. Sacred Heart to Cardinal Mazzella, 19th or 20th February 1893.
39
Fr. Enrique P<Srez Augustinian acted very prudently in this matter. He helped M. Sacred
Heart with his advice, not favouring either side. It seems he did not believe in the supposed
mental imbalance.
40
M. Sacred Heart.
41
Letter to M. Pilar, 26th Februaiy 1893.
42
Letter from M. Martires to M. Sacred Heart, 27th February 1893.
432 Pan three: 1887-1893
«The greatest difficulty is this: M. General, either through lack of experience,

or because she is not right in the head, was acting in complete independence
of her Assistants, even in matters which needed the intervention of the Sacred
Congregation: she founded houses, contracted debts, used dowries she had
received, accepted donations from some Religious who were not yet professed
This document, so far from reality, is the clearest proof that the good,
but credulous, Cardinal had given way under the pressure of the repeated
reports against M. Sacred Heart. The Protector also presented a kind of report
drawn up by M. Purisima which gave proof of M. Sacred Heart's inability to
govern . Corrections would come some years later. But this was the time
only for accusing, for turning from past responsibilities, and even denying them
openly. For M. Sacrcd Heart it was the moment of acceptance. Fr. Muruzabal
wrote to her when he heard of the result: «Nothing is important but fulfilling
the divine will and imitating Our Lord crucified for love of us. Everything
which helps this is worthy of esteem; all else is nothing* 45 .
It was M. Pilar who had started the process which was now ending in
the complete removal of her sister. Her constant criticism, her hostile attitude
had placed M. Sacred Heart in an impossible situation. At first the other
Assistants had supported her, collaborating in the supposed wrongs which they
were all lamenting in 1893. Writing of the situation in the early years, M.
Maria del Carmen Aranda commented many years later: «Not all the Assistants
were the same. M. Maria de la Cruz, within her limits, did not contribute. M.
San Javier gave way, because she was not strong enough to do anything else,
and M. Purisima urged, praised and encouraged, and then reported and acted
in a very different way» . In fact, quite contrary to her conduct in the past,
it was M. Purisima who was the most eager to snatch the government from the
hands of M. Sacred Heart; so much so that, as she said herself, it was she who
brought about the resignation 47 . Writing an account of the events of 1893,
M. Purisima, between 1900 and 1901, affirmed that M. Pilar's accusations
43
Letter of 23rd March 1893.
44
M. Maria del Carmen Aranda recounts: «Our Cardinal had to discuss this matter -
confidentially - with the Cardinal Prefect, J. Verga, of the S. Congregation of Bishops and
Regulars, and the written proofs were supplied by M. Purisima» M.Ma. de la Cruz states: aNone
of the other Assistants had any part in this writing, only M. Purisima; M. Pilar wanted that. The
other Assistants did not want to do it, although they were asked ...»
45
Letter of 10th Match 1893.
46
History ofM. Sacred Heart 1, p. 49.
47
In a letter to Maria del Carmen Aranda, 13th March 1893, M. Purisima, speaking of herself
in the third person, says: «When she saw the state of things there (Rome, where M. Sacred Heart
was) she thought it better to stop things, all the more so because she could see that it was
impossible to cure the illness without a painful opeiation».
against M. Sacred Heart's government were inexact - she had forgotten her
own part in all those sad events -, and when she made her declaration during
the process of canonization she gave the most explicit witness in favour of that
poor General, about whom she had said forty years before that «without any
hesitation* she «was not right in the head*, and that was the best way of
«explaining her conduct* 48 .
All those who helped with their accusations to place M. Sacred Heart
in such an extraordinary situation, later on more or less denied the validity of
the reasons they had produced during that dark time. But hardly any one of
them thought of the most elementary fact: acknowledging their own
responsibility in the process. Only M. Pilar would look upon the events as to
be lamented as a personal sin. She alone would have the sincerity to ask simply
for pardon; but that was still very far off...
On 27th March Cardinal Verga, Prefect of the Sacred Congregation
of Bishops and Regulars, informed the Protector that the resignation had been
accepted. Cardinal Mazzella gave the news to M. General on 31st, Good
Friday that year; he added that she should take suitable means to convokc the
General Chapter.
Fr. Enrique Perez advised M. Sacred Heart: «Seeing how things have
turned out, the procedure for you now is to consider yourself quite separated
from the government of the Institute, leaving the care of everything to God and
to the persons who have to look after the Congregation* 49 .
She left it; or rather, she strove with all the sincerity of her heart to
leave it to God. She commented to Fr. Muruzibal:
«I am going to tell you of a consolation I had some days ago. In

great sorrow, in adoration I was explaining to Our Lord some fears
about the Congregation... And He showed me myself, so that I could
understand, sheltering it under His mantle. I saw the whole
Congregation as it were dependent on His eyes, and it seemed He said
to me: ' This is your task: to pray without ceasing and without taking
your eyes off me; all its good depends on this'* .
The spring of that year passed swiftly as she applied herself fervently
to her new task. She began her Retreat on 27th May trying to channel all the
desires of her being towards the new path which her life must follow in the
coming days and months, and in the years which might come.. «...What God
48
All from M. Purisima in Setters already quoted,
49
Letter of 5 th May 1893.
434 Part three: 1887-1893
Our Lord asks of me is a lively faith in Him so as to leave His divine

Providence completely free to do with me what is most pleasing to Him...» She
wrote this on the first day of her Retreat 51 , and that was the tone of all the
rest. «Leave myself in His divine arms, like a beloved daughter, and allow Him
to act, even though it costs me my honour and my life, or I find myself
enclosed in a dark dungeon for love of Him...» (second day). «The straight
way is by abandonment to His most holy will» (third day). «..Although it may
cost me my life, both physical and moral, 1 must not depart, with the help of
His grace, from the one resolution of this holy Retreat: not to desire anything
but what God wants» (fourth day). «...I resolved to follow the holy will of God
and to leave myself in His hands... just as Jesus Christ abandoned Himself into
the hands of His Eternal Father, and it cost Him to live always in difficulties
and humiliations until His death on the cross» (fifth day). «A sure conviction
that all that has happened to me has come directly from God's hands, without
fault on the part of anybody...® (sixth day). «...I promise to work with all my
soul to attain the third degree of humility, because I have known for a long
time, and this holy Retreat has confirmed it clearly, that this is the divine will
and the only way to attain what the Sacred Heart of Jesus asks of me, which
is complete abandonment to His holy plans however difficult or distasteful they
may be to my rebellious will and delicate self love... When contemplating the
sorrows of Jesus in His holy humanity and in His blessed soul, who would not
offer themselves to suffer martyrdom in body and in spirit if that were
necessary?* (seventh day).
When finishing her Retreat on 3rd June she wrote a paragraph, most
compact yet limpid in its expression: «... I must place all my efforts in
abandoning myself without reserve into the hands of Our Lord, and receive
everything He sends me, however hard and bitter it may be, as a proof of His
love for me, and not attribute it to any other cause. This means giving Him my
whole heart, as He asks of me, and is the greatest proof of love I can offer
Him, and it is absolutely sure, and I must believe without any doubt that not
only my salvation but my sanctification depends on this generous surrender.
And I must not only run, but fly along the road to perfection. The greatest
work that I can do for my God is this: surrender myself entirely to His most
holy will without putting the slightest hindrance in the way»52.
At the end of June all the Mothers who had to take part in the
election of the new government in the General Congregation of the Institute
arrived in Rome. The election took place on the feast of St. Peter. In the first
51
52
Spiritual notes 30. AH those notes are from the Retreat of 1893.
ballot M. Pilar was elected Superior General. M. Maria del Carmen Aranda
recorded what happened afterwards:
«... they all pledged obedience to the new General, but the first one
to kneel at her feet and kiss her hand was M. Sacred Heart. She was
smiling, serene and happy. M. General was crying. It is absurd to
imagine that M. Sacred Heart was not feeling very hurt, or was not
experiencing a great trial, or to think that she did not feel the wounds
that she had been receiving for so long as well as those that had been
inflicted that morning. She was suffering unspeakably; but with that
extraordinary strength of will, that great self possession, with that love
of humiliation and abjection which held such a firm place in her soul,
she was bearing everything, as I have said, with a smile, serene and
joyful. During the elections only M. Sacramento followed her with
honourable love and loyalty in every ballot 53 ; the others all omitted
her... (At the meal), M. Sacred Heart, without losing her good nature,
sat in any placc among the others...* .
All the points in this account are confirmed by M. Maria de la Cruz.

But neither of them mentions one detail which was later transmitted orally in
the Institute; that is, that after offering her sister the act of reverence
prescribed in the ceremony, M. Sacred Heart lovingly placed her arms around
her neck 55 .
The General Assistants were elected in the same session. M. Maria de
San Javier shared the same fate as M. Sacred Heart, so as she was not re-
elected she then held no post in the governing body from that time onwards.
MM. Purisima and Maria de la Cruz were confirmed in their posts, and besides
those, MM. Maria del Carmen Aranda and Margarita Maria Varo were
elected. We know the former sufficiently well. The latter was a new figure
sponsored, above all by M. Maria de la Cruz, and very acceptable to M. Pilar
thanks to her good qualities as bursar. It was not for nothing that the financial
question was at the root of the conflict which the change of government was
attempting to settle.
The General Congregation had met to deal with other serious matters
53
M. Sacramento was one of the Electors. Her name was Maria Manuela de Baeza. She was
a sister of Maria de Santa Teresa who died in 1883. Maria del Carmen Aranda, who was
Secretary of the General Congregation, alone had the opportunity of knowing the handwriting of
the voters; hence she could make this statement for posterity with assurance.
54
History of M. Sacred Heart III, p. 1-3.
55
Several Religious bore witness to this during the process for beatification. It is likely, but
there is no other contemporary proof.
436 Part three: 1887-1893
besides that. M. Pilar was afraid that some of the discussions might prove
embarrassing for M. Sacred Heart and the Assistants. So she wanted Fr.
Mancini to try to persuade her not to attend. «M. Sacred Heart honourably
refused to give up her right... but she promised, no less humbly, to withdraw
when certain matters were being discussed, so as to leave them more
freedom...* 56 No more could have been demanded either in meekness or in
dignity.
Memorable audience
Before the new General and her Council returned to Spain, the
Mothers requested and obtained an audience with Pope Leo Xfll. It was one
bright moment before the prose of the coming years. The scene, which left a
deep impression upon them all, was described by MM. Maria de la Cruz and
Maria del Carmen. Leo XTT1 was already an old man who needed help in
walking.
«The Pope very kindly... invited us to follow him to the throne

room. As he walked he held the arm of M. General on one side and
M. Sacred Heart's on the other, as if he wanted to unite the two
sisters in one love and favour. The rest of us followed him. ... When
we reached the throne room His Holiness went to the throne and wc
57
stood round Him behind our Mothers who were at his side...*
M. Maria de la Cruz added an important note to her account: «The

other Mothers told His Holiness that MM. Pilar and Sacred Heart were the
foundresses of the Institute* 58 . The charism of the two Porras sisters was
thus stressed by a person who could never be considered partial towards them,
and in circumstances hardly favourable for the glory of those who were to be
known by the solid but not brilliant name of «foundations».
M. Sacred Heart took part in the audience with her whole being. She
did not speak of her impressions as she had done years before on her first visit
to Rome, but from Maria del Carmen's account it can be deduced that she was
completely at peace with herself and with those around her. Without any
hesitation she accepted the place of honour which was offered her, sharing that
distinction with her sister. (Did she suspect then that M. Pilar would also have
56
MARIA DEL CARMEN ARANDA, History ofM. Sacred Heart III, p. 4.
57
Ibid, m , pp. 17-21.
58
Chronicles I, 559.
to share sorrow and humiliation with her?). She was deeply impressed by the
event. M. Maria del Carmen recounts that M. General handed the Pope a
generous donation from that great benefactor of the Institute, D. Fulgencio
Tabernero. She told the Holy Father that the donor was a very simple man
who did not want distinctions or honours, but he would be very grateful for
something personal as a memento from His Holiness.
«The Pope smiled, and looking at himself said:

— Something of mine?
Then M. Sacred Heart pointed to his skullcap and said:
— That, Holy Father.
And he answered in a lively fashion as he placed it in her hand:
— Questo vuole? Prendetelo* 59 .
«A life crucified with you„.»
On 15th July the new General and her Assistants left Rome for Spain.
Maria del Carmen wrote:
«We left early in the morning. M. Sacred Heart was in the hall to
say good-bye with a joyful, pleasant, natural countenance. I was
crying... and when I embraced her she said to me with great kindness
and compassion:
— But why are you crying like this, Maria del Carmen?
— I am leaving you like this, and you don't want me to cry? — I
answered* 60 .
Years later Maria del Carmen wrote about her thoughts at that time:
«From that time onwards the life of M. Sacred Heart is* she was
still living when this was written, «a life of humiliation, of abnegation,
of abjection, of heroic, admirable sacrifice. And she owed this situation
to her own daughters, to her own sister... she knew nothing now about
the affairs of her Congregation, nothing of the plans or developments.
She would be watched, spied upon, feared, forgotten, ignored...* 61
59
«You want this? Take it*.
60
History ofM. Sacred Heart III, p. 21.
61
Ibid., Ill, p. 22.
438 Part three: 1887-1893
M. Sacred Heart's thoughts as she began her new life are described,
in part, in her spiritual notes:
«Without wasting the slightest piecc of your holy cross which comes
to me ... I shall try to work with all my soul to reach the third degree
of humility, heroic patience and invincible fortitude, picturing to myself
when I feel the weight of the cross that, like the martyrs, I am fighting
my battle which will bring me a higher degree of grace and afterwards
a higher degree of glory... My Jesus, grant that the knowledge I have
gained of the value oY a life crucified with you will never be effaced,
above all in the moments of trial. Do not forsake mc in that
hour» 62 .
Far be it from me to glory save in the cross of Our Lord Jesus Christ,
through whom the world is crucified to me and I to the world (Gal. 6,14).
62
PART FOUR
(1893-1925)
Chapter I
«THE GREATEST WORK THAT I CAN DO

FOR MY GOD...»
«... Pray and gently do all I can ...»
«Pray to Our Lord to have mercy on mc and to convert me in truth,

as He is helping me so much and setting me free; I hope he will always leave
me to dedicate myself completely to Him in His precious life in Nazareth,
storing up the riches which neither the thief can see nor the moth consume*.
Thus wrote M. Sacred Heart on 6th April 1893, a few days after her resignation
from the Generalate 1 . Wlien she said «I hope He will keep me always (like
this)» could she have imagined that her wish would be fulfilled? Could she have
thought that she would be cut off from the affairs of the Institute for ever?
In her life «always* was going to mean more than thirty years; thirty-
two long years. (It is not likely that she thought her retirement could last so
long, even if only because she presumed - mistakenly - that her earthly
existence would not stretch so far). Her spirit, her body, her whole person
would grow in a magnificent yet mysterious process of maturing. Just like the
trees; that is, sinking further and further into the earth so that the branches
might in the same measure rise towards heaven.
«Always». Apart from incidental absences, she was to stay in Rome
for the rest of her life, and from Rome would witness the renewed miracle of
nature, the sequence of days and of seasons. Rarely would she have the chance
of seeing the poppies of her childhood in the fields, the passing landscapes
from the window of a train. But she would see the buds on the geraniums in
the flower-pots in the courtyard, and the new life in the nearby creeper, and
she would know that spring had arrived. However much circumstances had
changed, the sun still sent its rays through the window, the days lengthened as
summer drew near, and Autumn brought the first cold days and shortened the
evenings. Her eyes could dwell on a much smaller panorama, but they were
still open and could wonder.
M. Sacred Heart was beginning a new life hidden from the eyes of
those who had seen her as a model and example in the Institute. The essential
aspects of her life were the same as before, just as the movement of the earth
around the sun was the same, and the same were the days, the nights and the
seasons. Nothing in the universe had stopped. But for anyone watching the
1
Letter addressed to the General Assistants.
442 Part four: 1893-1925
movement of the earth, the symptoms of change are minimal; they almost have
to be guessed. In the same way would M. Sacred Heart watch the development
of the Institute in the years that followed. Only by hints and small signs would
she be aware of the problems, the sorrows, the joys. «... I keep you too close
to my heart not to remember you without ceasing and desire countless blessings
for you», she said on one occasion2, speaking of «those dear sisters whom I
take to the Heart of Jesus so many times a day»3. Nevertheless that isolation,
that separation from all that she held so close within her soul, was going to
prove one of the greatest martyrdoms of this new stage of her life. She would
have liked to be near them, but she had to follow them cut off in a corner of
the house in Rome. She would have liked to look on them with love, but she
could not see, and hardly knew anything. But yes, she could love; and she did
love. She continued to be concerned about everyone and about everything.
She showed this by the gratitude with which she always welcomed the few
letters which reached her, and in her loving, simple, supernatural and very
human replies.
M. Sacred Heart was going to take part in the development of the
Institute while in retirement. Its growth would cause her fear and eager
expectation, struggle and hope, sorrow and joy. In 1893 Mother was forty-three
years of age; she had normal health, an enterprising temperament and the
desire to be occupicd in the works of the Institute. But she was going to Fmd
herself forced to inaction which would not prevent her from taking on simple
tasks. She would probably have liked to speak about Christ, so that all might
know and love Him; to spread her ideal as far as possible and bring it alive in
new communities giving witness to «true love of Jesus in the Blessed
Sacrament* and the concern of his Heart «for the salvation of souls». Those
aspirations had to be satisfied in a new mysterious way. «When I see myself
physically unable to spread my zeal as I would like, I should be content to pray
and gently do all I can, as my Lord teaches me»; she said that some years
before, expressing a sad glimpse of the future 4 . She made that resolution
when contemplating Christ dead in the sepulchre: «... I must resolve to be as
if I were dead, in imitation of Christ, whose body was dead, and only his soul
was alive full of love for God and for others* 5 .
Yet it was a real martyrdom for M. Sacred Heart, in spite of the lights
she received, to give up apostolic work, and to accept completely the fact that
her «active» mission in the Institute had ended. She found it so hard that she
2
Letter to M. Maria del Carmen Aranda, 15th August 1893.
3
Letter to M. Maria de la Cruz, 14th March 1894.
4
Spiritual notes 14; Retreat of 1890.
5
Ibid.
C.l. «The greatest work...» 443
instinctively thought it must be a temptation 6 which she struggled against by

pondering the idea expressed in her retreat of 1893: «The greatest work that
I can do for my God...» The time had arrived to abandon all other activities
and to give herself entirely and simply to the one work, the greatest of all.
Many times M. Sacred Heart said that the Congregation and each one
of its members were ever present in her mind. Is there any need to add that
she held her own sister in her heart, closer than any of the Religious?
Although until this time they had never enjoyed that mutual understanding
proper to friendship between sisters, yet they had never forgotten the bonds of
kinship and vocation which had united them since their youth. Neither had
their love diminished or that knowledge by which they each recognised in the
other the slightest signs of change. During her time in government M. Pilar
would have to undergo a Calvary similar to that of her sister. But M. Sacred
Heart would not see the events in that process; she would only have to guess
what was happening by gazing at M. General's face, those lively eyes which
were beginning to understand, that glance which had lost its brilliance and had
acquired depth, and which sometimes seemed like glass dimmed with tears.
«We have come to be Religious ...»
A few days after the end of the General Congregation, when the
General Council had returned to Spain, M. Maria del Salvador, Superior in
Rome, wrote to M. Pilar: «In this house there is great peace and serenity - and
I say this at an opportune moment - everyone is quiet and contented. M.
Sacred Heart is very natural, and she says or does nothing to show that she
feels anything different...* 7 This letter and others written at the time reveal
the great peace of the person who was under observation; it also lets us see
how closely she was watched, and the fear of her possible reactions or even
rebellion against the situation.
But there was nothing of that. Nevertheless for eyes which observed
with such a critical look, the slightest movement, the simplest word would be
interpreted as signs of an illness, judged at times to be an emotional upset, or
at other tunes as real mental disorder. It was M. Maria del Salvador one of
the Religious best loved by M. Sacred Heart, who would give this sad account
of her. But even in the midst of such false ideas, her heroism was seen to be
outstanding.
As an excuse for M. Maria del Salvador, it must be acknowledged that
she had a very difficult part to play in that drama. M. Sacred Heart decided
6
Cf. M. AGUADO, op. cil, p56.
7
444 Part four: 1893-1925
to accept her new way of life with all its consequences. She was no longer
Superior, and that meant, in simple terms, being subject to persons who hither
to had been subject to her. Because of the great veneration in which the whole
Institute had held the General, the change to a position of equality with all
presented some difficulties, not only for M. Sacred Heart but also for all those
around her. She had been a very simple person, aeccssible to all; but that
proximity was not incompatible with a special honour surrounding her, formed
equally out of love, respect and admiration. M. Sacrcd Heart had not been just
an ordinary Superior; becausc she was foundress her person possessed
something of the charismatic. Above all, there had always been a reverential
appreciation of her virtue; she was considered a saint; and that was well-
merited. The Sisters of the Institute had loved and admired her for all those
reasons. When she was stripped of all external trappings, her personal qualities
were to become the object of critical assessment. In fact M. Sacred Heart
would pass the test with flying colours. She was going to appear in a new light,
more down-to-earth: a person who was struggling and overcoming, but who was
also a poor distressed creature, earnestly attempting and succeeding in climbing
a steep slope, unable at times to avoid a deep sigh noticed only by those
nearest to her.
This new proximity - not now of simplicity, but of equality - would also
bring into relief the honesty of the persons around M. Sacred Heart, and prove
the authenticity of their affection. There were all kinds of persons there; as in
any group, there were some who having lost their respect for the ex-General,
soon threw overboard the deep respect she deserved on account of her virtue;
respect as a superior woman - not as a «Superior». From that time onwards
she would not be pardoned for the slightest weakness; even her very heroism
would at times be difficult to bear.
A letter from M. Maria del Salvador to M. Pilar throws light on this
point: «... Mother does not want any distinctions made for her, and this makes
her at times say things which reveal her sorrow, perhaps without her realising
it. Don't think there are any exaggerations in making distinctions; only she
wants her name to appear on the charges board, she wants to be told her
faults, etc., etc., and although I and all of us try to please her, you know that
is not easy»8. The superior in Rome did not like to assign one of the simple
household tasks to the ex-Gcncral who until then had been occupied with the
® Letter of 22nd July 1893. It continues: «She says that she will write to you saying that she
does not want a halo. Tell me what I should do. For the moment I have put her in the refectory
and as mistress of reading; but even so she does not seem satisfied. But that was yesterday, and
today she is happy, she has a much better colour than when you were here, and is very natural
in recreation with the Sisters. I would not like you to think that we are suffering; we are all
united and helping to make Mother happy, and we put up with any difficulties which occur for
love of her, for really she deserves it, and also for your peace of mind».
C.l. «The greatest work~.» 445
overall interests of the Institute 9 . But M. Sacred Heart had on so many

occasions tried to simplify much more difficult situations, and now she wanted
to take on from the start the role of subjcct which was assigned to her. And
because she saw the need to be treated without any special considerations in
order to receive the true consideration due to all Religious as such, she decided
to write to the new General, to M. Pilar, her sister: «I do not think it is right
for them to treat me with any special distinction, so I hope you will tell M.
Maria del Salvador to treat mc the same as the others. I am more pleased to
be living the same as everyone, and to do everything the same, because we have
comc here to be Religious. I don't want to act as if I have retired, impeding
any increase of graces, for that is what is of value in the next life* 10 . M.Pilar
answered that she should acccpt some deference «for the good name of the
Institute*. «I know well that this hurts, and I would rather not say it, but I
have to say what I think I should answer. May God give us all strength* 11 .
«For the good name* M. Sacred Heart was going to put up with a real
martyrdom; she wrote to Maria del Carmen Aranda: «You do not know how
difficult it is not to be and to be; and it's painful. Becausc this not doing
anything in the Congregation, as if one did not belong, and on the other hand,
out of some kind of courtesy not to be occupied in common tasks such as
serving in the refectory etc., and treated like anyone else ... one feels one is not
a Religious, but just a boarder, no more and no less; without any liberty, and
unable to attain it; and neither the Superiors nor the Sisters have it; and so one
is a hindrance everywhere, and this is very hard, Mother...* 12
For varied reasons the Superiors of the Institute were going to isolate
M.Sacred Heart. They judged her incapable of holding any post of
responsibility or government, and from 1893 she was totally excluded from
them. (Wc have become accustomed to reading her life and to consider it quite
natural that after her resignation all her gifts for directing were annulled. Yet
it is not so obvious. Even if we did accept that she was inept as General, it
would be difficult to understand why she could never be Mistress of Novices or
local Superior). She was also excluded from all manual works. Although this
was very painful for her, the idea was to offer her some personal consideration
which was refused her in more important matters. The Superior in Rome
cannot be blamed outright for not wishing to include the ex-General of the
This was reasonable, especially at a time when manual work was looked upon with a ccrtain
amount of prejudice ... Even in Religious houses domestic tasks were spoken of as «humble
works» and hence were looked upon as an ascetical exercise, while loday lhey arc carried out by
anyone much more simply, and of course more easily with the help of machines.
10
U t t e r written in July 1893.
11
U t t e r of 3rd August 1893.
12 U t t e r of 30th June 1895.
446 Part four: 1893-1925
Institute in a share of the heaviest tasks in the house. If M. Maria del Salvador
had done that, later generations would have criticised her too. There was some
truth in the words of her letter previously quoted: «.. Although I, and all of us,
try to please her ... it is not so easy» 13 .
The loving care of the first days was drifting naturally towards a
familiarity which at times amounted to disrespect. M. Maria del Salvador
herself began to give signs of that new attitude: «... I think her head needs to
be kept busy», she wrote at the end of July 14 . And some days later, referring
to some unimportant matter: «M. Sacred Heart doesn't know anything, and it
would not be good for her to know, because most likely she would go against
it, and at least would cause trouble* 15 . «His Eminence wants to know how
Mother is getting on, and I want to tell him, so that he may be forewarned if
her head really is not right; for I doubt it sometimes, and I don't know what to
think* 16 . From this we may deduce that Maria del Salvador was observing
M.Sacred Heart who was aware of that; and this gives her a sense of insecurity.
On the other hand, is it surprising if, in spite of her sincere decision
not to interfere in the government or in their responsibilities, she should
sometimes make some comment to that Superior who until that time had been
almost a Novice with her? Yet M. Maria del Salvador considered M. Sacred
Heart's comments intolerable; and she interpreted as mental instability what
was simply the exterior form of deep sorrow controlled by an iron will. «I do
not know what to tell you about M. Sacred Heart. I think that everything that
happens increases her illness, and so ever since the Novitiate was installed 1 am
feeling very sorry for her, for she is greatly upset* 17 .
«See only the divine will in all that happens*
We learn of M. Sacrcd Heart's personal situation and her attitude in

the face of those unusual circumstances, from several sources. One of these is
a letter from M. Maria del Salvador to M. General: «M. Sacred Heart is
writing to you; she says she is in exile here, spied upon and surrounded with
mistrust; that the only thing left is corporal martyrdom...* 18
It is amazing that in such circumstances she was able to appear serene
before the community. «She is calm*, «she is well and happy*, «she is very
13
Letter to M. Pilar, 22nd July 1893.
14
l i t t e r to M. Pilar 31st July 1893.
15
rbid. 10th August 1893.
16
Ibid. 1st October 1893.
17
18
C.l. «The greatest work...» 447
natural in recreation with the Sisters...» These expressions reveal her

extraordinary control, born of her complete acceptance of the situation, which
did not exclude a struggle. With great simplicity Mother spoke of her sorrows
to the Superior. Perhaps she did not realize that these disclosures were going
to be repeated at once to the General. How far was she unaware of M. Maria
del Salvador's lack of discretion? It would be difficult to know exactly. But wc
do know that sometimes she was tormented by doubt, and she fought against
painful feelings as if it were a temptation. The following resolutions are to be
found in her spiritual notes: «Take no notice of anything, and do not judge the
actions of others... Do not think there is a hidden hand, something which
tempts me so much; nor that the others arc doing anything with an intention,
neither those within the house nor those outside... Do not doubt the two persons
who are so faithful to me...»19 Poor M. Sacrcd Heart. Would she have called
«faithful» those who recounted, very «faithfully», of course, all her confidential
conversations? 20
According to the same spiritual notes, Fr. Mancini began at this time
to develop the work which Fr. Marchetti was to continue. With fervour worthy
of a better cause they both collaborated with the Superior of the house in
Rome trying to keep M. Sacred Heart «calm». But although Fr. Mancini
believed that she was imagining most of her sufferings he must have known and
have acknowledged her complete generosity in accepting the will of God. His
spiritual direction of M. Sacred Heart was based on his conviction of her
instability, but also on her extraordinary faith, and her far from common virtue.
M. Sacred Heart, for her part, could not forget or deny the evidence
of the facts before her, but she could look beyond them and see a divine plan
in everything: «Now God wants you crucified; you must submit with all your
heart to God's holy will, and not see a human hand in your sorrows and
difficulties; rather see the divine will in all that is happening to you. Even
more, not only should you submit, but you should say to God: "If you want me
to suffer even more, let sorrows and tribulations come". Today God is asking
for your sanctification in this way» .
«You should be very happy in your little corner and not intervene in
anything at all, either in the house or in government, whatever happens. Be
silent about everything. There is nothing in this world now but God and
19
Spiritual Notes, 35. Undated, but probably about 1894. The words underlined were not so
in the original.
20
We do not know for certain who were the «two persons®. One was surely M. Maria del
Salvador. The other may have been M. Matilde Erice who was with her until her death. But it
could also refer to Religious not residing in Rome; and this is more likely
21
Spiritual Notes, 34. A the end of this passage in which M. Sacred Heart speaks sometimes
in the third person and sometimes in the first, she added; «A11 this is advice from one who takes
the place of God Our Lord for me, and so very clearly His will».
448 Part four: 1893-1925
myself... My endeavour must be to fulfil the vows and the rules. Be very
mortified in s t i f l i n g the desires which sometimes overwhelm me, causing me to
want to know what has nothing to do with me, and then leaving me upset and
troubled* 22 .
In the summer of 1893 M. Sacred Heart received a letter from D. Josfi
Maria Ibarra which throws light upon the dispositions which she had revealed
to him: «If your spirit is completely conformed with all you have written, I am
very pleased, because I see you are well after the election; that is, just as a
Religious should be who before all and above all seeks only the greater glory
of God and her own sanctification ... Be very peaceful; I would like to ask even
more; be very happy and consider that not a single leaf falls from the tree
without the express will or permission of God our Lord... So I tell you it would
not be easy to find a better situation or state for your spiritual advancement
than the one you have now. You have wanted and asked for it a thousand
times... So, to you I say Congratulations, but not to your sister... I do not
rejoice in the exaltation of one or in the apparent humiliation of the other.
What will fill me with joy is that God may be glorified, that the Congregation
prosper and that you be sanctified more and more ...»23
23 Letter of 23rd August 1893.

C h a p t e r II
FINAL APPROVAL O F T H E CONSTITUTIONS

(1894)
One year after her resignation M. Sacred Heart was to live through
one of the most important events in the history of the Institute. In 1894 the
Holy See approved the Constitutions. This was a cause of great celebration at
the time and has been commemorated ever since by Handmaids on 25th
September. It was preceded and surrounded by a series of circumstances as
important as that of the approval. We shall try to summarise them here,
showing at the same time how the life of the Foundresses was affected.
Compiling the Constitutions was, naturally, one of M. Sacred Heart's
great concerns. When MM. Pilar and Purisima were in Rome in 1886 before
the approval of the Institute, although she was burdened by many occupations
she did not neglect for one moment what she considered the principal business.
She wrote to her sister: «The Constitutions is not such a simple task, and
cannot be done hastily...® She thought, and wrote in the same letter that more
than for any other business1, the two foundresses should get together to draw
up the rules of the Institute, to state its fundamental tenets in writing. But this
had not been possible. M. Sacred Heart had done all she could, looking for
the Constitutions of the Society of Jesus and of other Institutes, copying out
chapters, obtaining the help of learned Jesuits etc. When the Holy See had
given the final approval of the Institute in 1886 it had pointed out the need to
re-write the Constitutions within the next seven years. Now, in 1884, that time
had elapsed. M, Sacred Heart was well aware of that, but she could not take
an active part. Could she have thought, or even imagined, that neither would
her sister, the other foundress, have hardly anything to do in such an important
matter? Not easily; still less could she have thought that in that year 1894 M.
Pilar was beginning to walk the way of the cross which would end in a Calvary
similar to her own.
The «wrongs» of an election
In fact on the day when the Second General Congregation of the

Institute of Handmaids elccted M. Maria del Pilar as Superior, they had
sentenced her to a slow martyrdom. It seems incredible, but all sources give
1 U t t e r of 19th March 1886.

450 Partf o u r :1893-1925
witness to this. She was elected General although they considered her to have
little formation in the life or practices of Religious life because of the
circumstances of her Novitiate*2. M. Pilar and her sister entered the Institute
of Marie Reparatrice, but after a few months, quite unexpectedly they found
they were guides of a group of young women who were following them in their
most unforeseen decisions. They had hardly been Novices. While they were
in Cordova M. Sacred Heart had accepted completely her role as subject. She
did not want to intervene in any financial matter, and if anyone wanted to
speak to her about such affairs, she used to say: «See what M. Pilar says». It
was M. Pilar who had seen to the support of the house, using the capital of the
two sisters, with all the disinterestedness which they had shown since they had
left everything (cf. Lk. 5,11) and had decided to give themselves entirely to
God. The elder sister wrote about those years: «I preserve with g r e a t pleasure
the memory that ... that I did not fail in any way in my behaviour as a
novice*3. Her account was confirmed by that of other members of the first
group in the Institute 4 . But this does not mean that while M. Pilar was
occupied by obedience with so many things, she did not neglect some details
of observance. Perhaps «neglect» is not the exact word; we could perhaps say
that she was completely unaware of those details.
The years between 1877 and 1894 did no more than strengthen the
impression made by M. Pilar's way of life in certain parts of the Institute. At
a time when meticulous exactitude in the fulfilment of every regulation was
highly esteemed, the elder foundress had a certain breadth of vision, very
lovable in the eyes of some persons, but viewed with reservation by others. In
general, the first Handmaids, those who had shared with the two Porras sisters
the sorrows and joys of the birth of the Institute, deeply loved both of them. It
does not seem that they ever had the problem of deciding which one had the
better spirit, although they saw in the Superior the basis of the formation they
had received. M. Sacred Heart herself had encouraged appreciation of her
sister, of whom she always spoke in glowing terms. M. Maria del Carmen
Aranda recounts that when she was a Novice and M. Pilar was Superior in
Jdrez, the visits of the latter to the house in Madrid were always festive
occasions. M. Maria del Carmen also speaks of the impression made on her
by M. Pilar when she was sent to Jerez: «When 1 made my vows I was sent to
J6rez where M. Pilar was Superior. I don't know if it was because I had only
just left the Novitiate, or because M. Pilar really gave more importance to the
practice of solid virtues and less to small observances, that I was
2
M. MARIA DEL CARMEN ARANDA, History of M. Pilar I, p. 56.
3
M. PIIAR, ReiaciSrt I, p. 14.
4
E.G. M. MA. DOLORES RODRIGUEZ CARRETERO, Relacidn, p. 6.
C.2. Final approval of the Constitutions 451
disappointed...*5
In order to understand what M. Ma. del Carmen Aranda meant by
speaking of M. Pilar as not well trained in the spirit of the Institute, it is
necessary to compare these statements with others which she made in other
placcs. «It must not be thought from this that she lacked virtues. To my poor
way of thinking, she began her path to sanctity with her defects of character
and in her own circumstances, digging very deeply the foundations she needed
for the extraordinary holiness to which God was calling her... M. Pilar was
lively, ardent, passionate. She was humble, mortified, strong and upright. She
was much affccted by likes and dislikes, and sometimes she allowed herself to
be carried away by this influence*6.
Although M. Maria del Carmen Aranda's judgement of M. Pilar may
seem on the whole to be negative, it is much enriched with endearing
anccdotes. They all give an idea of the outgoing personality of M. Pilar:
complex, contradictory at times, always very human. And they give rise to the
thought that the opinion of those who affirmed her «lack of religious spirit*
was based on futile reasons. It is strange that neither M. Maria del Carmen
nor any of the Assistants judged as an impediment to the election of M. Pilar
as General of the Institute, the one fact which in reality should have been
considered serious and accusatory with regard to the elder foundress: her
rebellion against her sister. (But it is understandable, becausc all of them had
been immersed in that atmosphere of rejection of M. Sacred Heart).
In spite of the affection which, in later years, softened Maria del
Carmen Aranda's opinion of M. Pilar, she did not place much confidence in
her in 1893 with regard to maintaining religious observance in the Institute.
M.Sacred Heart knew before this of the assistants' judgement on M. Pilar. In
a letter to Fr. Muruzabal in 1891, speaking of her desire to resign from the
government of the Institute, she wrote: «... I proposed to resign from my post,
but that was not accepted; but as I thought I should do so, I insisted... At last
some were inclined to accept, and to make it easier I suggested that my sister
should have my charge and I could be Provincial, because they fear that she
will not maintain the good spirit that reigns in the whole Congregation
today...*
And if this was Maria del Carmen's opinion, the other Assistants were
still less optimistic, as would soon be seen.
5
History ofM. Pilar I, p. 2-3.
6
History ofM. Sacred Heart I, p. 27.
7
452 Part four: 1893-1925
«... The great struggle began here»
When M. Pilar was elected General she had agreed with her
Consultors to begin correcting the Constitutions which had been presented in
1886. They decided that M. Purisima should be dedicated to this task, which
had to be done in Spain with the help of an experienced Jesuit. Those plans
were made during the sessions of the Second General Congregation.
M. Purisima revised the Constitutions in the summer of 1893.
Although she had been given advice on the work by Fr. Urraburu, the General
and her Assistants thought there should be some closer supervision. They
thought of Fr. As train, but as it was not possible for him, they asked for help
from Fr. Vinuesa. He was living in La Coruna, and M. Purisima went there.
That was at the beginning of Octobcr 1893. At the end of the year, just on 31st
December, she returned to Madrid. She took some good work with her; it was
not done precisely by herself, but by the conscientious Fr. Vinuesa, who in a
letter shortly before, had explained to M. Pilar the standards he had followed
in the revision8. By translating, explaining at times, and extracting, he had
tried to put into the Constitutions of the Handmaids the fundamental content
of those of the Society of Jesus, and even most of their literary expressions. He
had produced a very respectable volume, which at first sight might have seemed
too long, but which contained a coherent and unified legislation .
The summer and autumn of 1893 were particularly hard. Throughout
those months, almost day by day M. Pilar was aware that her authority in the
Institute, or rather, within the General Council, was becoming a screcn hiding
the power and real behaviour of M. Purisima.
On 10th January 1894 the General and the Assistants met in council
to listen to the reading of the Constitutions. M. Maria del Carmen Aranda
remembered those sessions as the origin of many difficulties which developed
later, and she records them in detail:
«We finally met. M. Purisima read the Constitutions. M. General

was listening like a person deep in thought, or very worried. At the
end she remarked that it was not M. Purisima, but herself who should
present them. The Assistants opposed this; we foolishly sided with M.
Purisima, and she herself defended her cause. On seeing our attitude
M. General decidcd that the question should be decided by a vote, and
as we knew her opinion, she abstained from voting. M. Purisima
considered that she should do the same, and the three of us elected
8
9
See his letter of 6th Januaiy 1894. Fr. Vinuesa accepted the work not only with great
interest, but with a clear idea of the part he had in the revision.
her for a mission which by rights belonged to no one but M.

General* 10 .
M. Maria de la Cruz also wrote about the matter, adding a series of

reasons which she thought explained everything. According to her, before
voting the Assistants spoke together «to make things clear, for until then no
one thought anything different from the others, but here the great struggle
began. The three Assistants thought... that in Rome much of what was written
in the Constitutions would be removed, for they knew that not much would be
left, especially of anything very similar to those of the Society of Jesus...
Hence, because they wanted everything about the formation of our Sisters to
be left in... the three Assistants thought that as M. Purisima had dealt with
those difficulties, having been Mistress of Novices for years, she would be
aware of the details needed for formation. But M. General would not think of
those things because she had not had a Novitiate, and it was easy to sec that
from her way of acting she had no training...*11 It was obvious that in the
minds of the Consultors there was a very limited field of action left for the
General. Evidently the second phase of the process could be glimpsed in which
the two Foundresses would be separated from the government of the Institute.
At that time, just as in previous years, there still persisted that over-
simplification which unjustly classified the Porras sisters. According to that, M.
Sacred Heart had no gifts for financial matters; and now, M. Pilar was unable
to deal successfully with business which needed a certain spiritual instinct, of
which she was entirely lacking. M. Pilar had good cause to be worried about
the course of events. In a letter to Fr. Urraburu she said: «... I think that a
second general ruin in the Family has begun, and this is through Amalia...* 12
Later events will do no more than confirm that impression.
When M. Purisima arrived in Rome with the proposed Constitutions
drawn up by Fr. Vinuesa, she went, naturally to the Cardinal Protector. He
and Fr. Bucceroni SJ., Consultor of the S. Congregation of Bishops and
Regulars, judged that the work done in La Coruna was very good, but it needed
to be synthesized. M. Purisima wrote to Madrid: «Fr. Bucceroni has our
documents now, and when he came the other day I was very much discouraged,
because he wanted me to write other Constitutions; nothing less! But after
reading some of it he changed his mind and says it is very good work which can
be arranged by taking out what he and D. Camilo consider is not right for
Constitutions and should be left in a directory, for they are very long, and that
10
History ofM. Sacred Hear! Ill, p. 106.
11
Chronicles I, p. 588.
12
Letter of 13th January 1894. Amalia was M. Purisima's baptismal name; used here to cover
up her identity.
454 Partf o u r :1893-1925
could be an obstacle for approval* 13 . M. Pilar, already unhappy about the

journey, was still more afraid when she learned that the new text would be
written without any intervention by her as General or Foundress. In her eyes,
the importance of this matter went far beyond that of the Constitutions
themselves, great as it was. What was the truth of the question? Perhaps it
may be said that that reworking of the Constitutions, carried out untouched by
any influence of the foundresses signified that in a certain way the Institute was
beginning to escape from its natural guides. In the light of those events M.
Pilar certainly realised the modest role which her Consultors, more or less
consciously, allotted her in the government of the Congregation, although it is
likely that she did not itemize all the fears which sprang from that prophctic
vision of the future.
Then, only then, did she begin to be aware of her previous errors.
«My task is to be silent, to pray and to suffer*
Without knowing or even suspccting the events which had preceded M.

Purisima's journey to Rome, M. Sacred Heart saw her arrive possessed of full
powers to negotiate the approval of the Constitutions. M. Maria del Salvador
wrote to M. Pilar: «Don't worry, M. Sacred Heart has not spoken to Amalia
about the business we have in hand...*14 M. Purisima's stay and her furtive
attitude were very painful for the ex-Gcncral. From Madrid M. Pilar must
have realized that. The Superior wrote to her: «Thc other day I didn't say
anything about M. Sacrcd Heart. That was more out of forgetfulness than
anything. For I wanted to write because of what you said about her being
hcroic in some things. I too, marvel at times, especially on account of the great
struggle she must have to make on some occasions. About the Constitutions,
she always edifies me, because it is clear, that forgetting herself, she wants only
the most perfect...* 15 Great care was being taken to cxclude her from a
matter with which she was completely identified interiorly.
M. Purisima also had the task of establishing a Novitiate in Italy.
M.Pilar and her Council had appointed M. Patrocinio Diaz Carmona as
Mistress. This choice did not please the Cardinal Protector who thought that
M. Maria del Salvador should be in charge of the Novices, becausc he held her
in great esteem. M. General and her Assistants feared also that M. Sacred
Heart would not consider their choice of M. Patrocinio a good one. For these
reasons, the creation of the Novitiate, a simple matter in itself, became one
13
Letter to M. Maria del Carmen, 2nd March 1894.
14
15
Letter of 21st July 1894.
more state secret which M, Purisima zealously kept hidden in Rome. When
the appointment was finally announced in public, the ex-General did not cause
any complications. M, Purisima wrote to M. Pilar: «... I have told her who is
the Mistress of Novices, and it does not seem bad to her ... but the one who
should be, because she is a woman with more spiritual knowledge and
discretion of spirits, etc., etc., is M. Magdalena» 16 . M. Purisima was giving
here M. Sacred Heart's opinion which she had told her.
The house of the Handmaids in Rome was of a size in which it was
not possible to hide such activities as business with books and papers, receiving
frequent visitors, going and coming into the house. Throughout seven months
M. Purisima developed her business without interruption under the eyes of M.
Sacred Heart, who could not avoid seeing the furtive movements or the reason
for so much caution. During all this time M. Sacred Heart was commending
the business of the Constitutions to God, without speaking a single word on the
matter. Her Constitutions; she could not but think that they were hers. She
was concerned about them as something of her own, long cherished. «My task
is to be silent, to pray and to suffer», she had written 17 . She could have
added: "and to work". The ex-General gave herself completely to the simple
work of the house. The letter from M. Maria del Salvador to M. Pilar throws
light upon M. Purfsima's behaviour and on the «passion» of M. Sacrcd Heart.
«I told you what I thought she must feel about living with M. Purisima, for she
must have to control herself a lot; and in fact, she does control herself, and
she pays attention to her and speaks kindly...*18 «M. Sacred Heart is very
peaceful these days; may the Lord preserve her always like this... I am very
sorry for her, because the poor dear must be suffering with M, Purisima staying
here, feeling as she does and having to overcome herself as she does* 19 «...
She says she has been offering all her prayers for this intention for some
time...* M. Patrocinio also wrote to M. Pilar 20 .
The Constitutions, «as similar as possible

to those of S t Ignatius*
In order to understand all that happened, not only until the approval
of the Constitutions, but up until 1903 when M. Pilar's Generalate ended, some
explanation must be given concerning some points of the government of the
16
17
Letter to Fr. Hidalgo, October 1892.
18
Letter of 23rd or 24th April 1894.
19
Letter of 22nd or 23rd April 1894.
20
Letter of ISth June 1894.
456 Part four: 1893-1925
Institute as the General and the Assistants wanted it to be, and on the other
hand, of how the Holy See approved it. The General and the Assistants
wanted the government to be similar to that of the Society of Jesus, with its
special, charismatic function of the General Superior 21 . The role of the
Assistants in this type of government is limited to that of simple
consultation 22 .
The Sacred Congregation for Bishops and Regulars had a very
different idea about the government of Religious institutes with simple vows.
The Roman Curia always refused to allow absolute power to the General
Superiors. When giving approval to new Institutes it decided on those
important matters for which the General Superior would need the consent
(deliberative vote) of the Consultors 23 . When the Holy See approved the
Institute of Handmaids of the Sacred Heart in 1887, among its comments on
the Constitutions was the refusal to accept the post of General for life, and a
consultative role for the Assistants 24 .
One of the greatest desires of the Institute from that time onwards was
to obtain the privilege of a government similar to that of the Society. This
desire was recorded in the minutes of the Second General Congregation (1893):
«The majority approved of proceeding with the re-ordering of the Constitutions
to bring them as near as possible to those of St. Ignatius, and to aim at getting
final approval as soon as possible. It was unanimously agreed to try to remove
the deliberative votes of the Assistants, leaving only the consultative, in order
to act as in the Society, to which we want to be alike in everything, and all
declared the same* 25 .
Another new draft?
«According to Fr. Bucceroni», M. Purisima wrote to M. Maria del

Carmen from Rome 26 , «we should not ask for the consultative votes or for
a post for life for the General. So we cannot just keep to what everyone
agreed, but we have to take notice of what is said. I shall try to let you know
all that is going on». Then, some days later, to M, Pilar 27 , «My stay here will
21
Const p.9 (736) and (719).
22
Const, p. 9 (805) and (810).
23
This idea was reflected in the Norms published by the Sacred Congregation for the
approval of new Institutes (1901).
24
Animadversions: 49; 24; 28; 51.
^ Minutes of Second General Congregation, 2nd July.
26
Letter of 2nd March 1894.
27 Letter of 9lh March 1894.
be very long, for as I said the other day, all that has been written has to be
summarized, and I have to do that under the direction of Fr. Bucceroni». This
news was worrying. It was a complete change of outlook; and it seems
incredible that the Assistant commissioned to present the Constitutions did not
realize that as the basis of negotiation had changed, it was also necessary to
make new plans for the process. At least there should have been a new
consultation with the General of the Institute... especially if they really were
aiming at a government similar to that of the Society of Jesus. The news
during the next few days was no more reassuring. «You will have received my
letter in which I mentioned a very painful interview I had with Fr. Bucceroni;
the trouble was that he did not want any of the things wc had: the Office of the
Sacred Heart should be changed for the Little Office of Our Lady; night
adoration must go; the month's retreat is too much; the third probation is very
long... the doctrine of St. Ignatius is not for women; in fact, no end of
things...*28 At the end of the letter M. Purisima tried to pacify those in
Madrid by telling them that the Cardinal Protector had managed to improve
the situation somewhat: «... the documents have to be rewritten once again, yes;
very much summarized, but the essentials will stay... he will guide me and I'll
go on doing it; I have taken the first chapter to him today, and he says it is very
good, and if I go on like this, it is good... 29 M. Pilar did not stop worrying
much...
At the beginning of May, M. Purisima announced that the work was
finished30. In that same letter she asked if she should present the
Constitutions then or wait to receive instructions from «thc queen regent*.
Three days later M. Pilar wrote a very moderate reply:
«I have been thinking a little about whether you should present the
Constitutions, and it seems to me that I must ask you to send them to
me before presenting them so that the other Assistants and I may see
them. I have always thought this should be so, but as you wrote that
you were sending them, I did nothing... It is hard for me to ask for
them, because I am resolved not to increase your troubles and work,
but I offer this to God...* 31
This letter was already written when Fr. Manuel Molina went to the
house in Madrid, Because M. Purisima was so highly esteemed, it is not
surprising that the Jesuit advised M. Pilar not to delay the immediate
28
U t t e r to M. Pilar, 11th March 1894.
29
Ibid.
30
31
458 Partf o u r :1893-1925
presentation of the Constitutions. M. Maria del Carmen recounts this in a very

interesting letter to M. Maria dc la Cruz: «You know that M. General's first
idea as soon as she knew that the Constitutions were nearly finished was to ask
for them. She considered that she was obliged to see them, and I thought the
same. But after Fr. Molina came and said that this would cause a delay, and
as nothing had been removed, and there was moral certainty that Am alia 32
had done the work well, there was no such great duty to see them. Mother was
convinced, and so was I, and nothing more was written there» 33 .
Was M. Pilar really convinced? She gave in at first. Then M. Martires
intervened with one of her typical performances 34 . Her ideas were clearly
expressed in the continuation of the previous letter:
«Yesterday M. General was speaking to Martires about this.

Martires said that she would not allow this, because it was a very
important matter; and although no one doubted the fidelity, it was very
easy to miss some point of interest, even more so when such a mixture
had been made, and everything turned upside down, etc. And
although it had been done with the advice of Fr. Bucceroni, yet it had
not been under her care, and it was easy to forget things. This is what
Martires and M. General said, more or less, and the latter came to tell
mc, and she added (with very great sorrow) "Maria, I have placed this
in God's hands. You who have done this will see". "We?" I replied.
"Yes you, and you will see". Just imagine, Mother, how 1 felt! I called
Martires, and asked her advice, and made her see my situation. I
found myself alone at such an important point; and the whole
Congregation would blame the Assistant who was at Mother's side.
Martires advised me to write to you, and said that we three should
decide whether we should see the Constitutions before they are
presented, or not. But remember, if the Constitutions come to Spain,
you will have to come here, and the three of us with M. General will
have to meet again. Think, too, of the effect this delay of the business
will have on Amalia, and compare this with what may happen if they
are presented without our seeing them... Afterwards M. General told
mc not to worry; she was very sorry for what she had said to mc. I
answered that she had said very little, and that if she was not going to
open her mouth she must not worry. It is true; she is a saint; she is
suffering... horribly, and she restrains and controls herself more than
32
M. Purisima.
33
Letter of 9th May 18W.
34
She had a very clear mind, and a good independent judgement, and was never afraid of
giving her opinion... she suffered from a strange sleeping-sickness.
I can say. Our Lord allows those laments to come out, so that I may
know all that is in her heart. Yesterday morning M. General said
some awful things, and I said to her: "Mother, you make me afraid; it
seems that you see the Institute in danger". She answered: "In
imminent danger". And if you were to go to Rome? I asked. "There
is no remedy now; I would not be able to do anything"...*35
M. Maria del Carmen Aranda's letter elucidates the situation better

than any comment. It is difficult to know what to admire most: the resigned,
painful resignation of M. Pilar, the discreet understanding of Maria del
Carmen, the clarity of Martires' ideas, the speed of M. Purisima's
performance... But that is wrong; it is not so difficult to decide on the most
unusual fact; perhaps it was the extraordinary consideration given to the
Assistant who was working for the approval of the Constitutions in Rome, and
the great fear of displeasing her.
Shortly afterwards M. Pilar wrote decidedly to M. Purisima:
«... For some days the Assistants have been thinking about their
duty to see the Constitutions before they are presented, although I had
ceased to do that; but today, thinking of what I will say later, 1 feel
obliged to let them see them. I remember how after the final revision
which the Socicty made to theirs, they did not publish them until the
General Congregation met and saw them. That is what I understand.
Although we all want them quickly, we must make a sacrifice to do
our duty, even though God can hasten matters and detain them for his
own high purposes* 36 .
M. Pilar was right. Strictly speaking, it would have been right and just,
not only for the General Council, but also for a General Congregation, to see
and approve the text of the Constitutions. Circumstances had prevented this,
and another procedure had been followed. But at least M. General and her
Consultors should have reviewed M. Purisima's work. Even the Assistants did
realize in some way that M. Pilar was right. Yet, although they were not
inclined to support her, and tended to favour M. Purisima, they voted that the
Constitutions should be revised by the Council before being presented to the
Sacred Congregation.
The manuscript arrived in Madrid in the middle of May. On 22nd
May, M. General wrote: «1 find the new Constitutions clearer and more
concrete, and 1 like that, and I say it in all truth. Nevertheless, Purisima, we
35
36
460 Part four: 1893-1925
are noting some things to be corrected...* The tone of her letter reveals her
fear of wounding the feelings of the Assistant in Rome; and her fear was well-
grounded. In later letters M. Purisima said she was glad she had sent the
work; but anyone could have seen that she was more upset than she showed.
M. Maria del Carmen wrote to M. Maria dc la Cruz: «The letters which are
arriving each day from Rome show clcarly the effect of our asking for the
Constitutions. For, although Amalia said she would not present them until we
had seen them, she must have forgotten this, and she was not in the same
mood as she was upset when she saw she was opposed* 37 .
From the letters between the General and her Assistants at this time,
it can be seen that in different degrees they had long held negative ideas about
M. Pilar. Maria del Carmen thus sums up the situation: «... The Assistants
wanted to support M. Purisima in everything, and they overlooked M. General's
virtues and her heroism, and even her rights, which they had more obligation
to acknowledge. It may seem in speaking like this that I do not agree. No, I
admit it. I thought that M. General was prejudiced against M. Purisima, but
even this did not prevent me from seeing three things: First, M. General's
virtues, above all her meekness and patience; secondly, that she was right in
wanting to see the new work, that is, to read the shorter, modified
Constitutions; and thirdly, that M. Purisima was acting very
TO
independently,,.*
«... She is not told anything,

and how could anything be said?*
M. Sacred Heart wrote to Fr, Mancini on the eve of Holy Week 1894:
«I still want very much to be a saint, and 1 pray earnestly to our Lord for the
spirit of the saints, and I know that I am farther away from it each day... Help
me with your advice and prayers, for it is a very arduous undertaking for my
poor strength.,,* 39 In order to maintain her «peace and true humility of
soul* 40 , aware as she was of M. Purisima constantly busy with the work on
the Constitutions, she repeated one of her resolutions which reveals an
extraordinary supernatural realism: «Be very mortified in stifling those desires
which overcome me at times, that wanting to know what should not matter to
me, and then I am troubled with worries. Speak with caution to N; the more
37
Letter of 23rd May 1894.
38
History of M. Sacred Heart III, p. 171.
39
Letter of 17th March.
40
Constitutions of the Society of Jesus (84).
the better. This is a mortification very pleasing to Our Lord» 41 . Most

probably «N» was M. Purisima, who, it may be said, did not show much desire
to speak to her or to inform her of anything. In May when the work on the
Constitutions was coming to an end, and the struggle continued in the
correspondence between Rome and Madrid about the need to present them or
to allow them to be read beforehand, M. Purisima wrote to M. Pilar saying that
M. Sacred Heart had had «some terrible days». «I think that it is the
Constitutions; as no one tells her anything, and how could we say anything?, so
I am longing for this to finish...*42
In the house in Rome everyone seemed to be convinced of the need
to «distract» M. Sacred Heart. So they provided her with those large
embroidery frames for that needlework which she had done since her youth,
and her natural tendency for work made her help also in the more difficult
tasks. But her desire to be always busy came to be spoken of with a certain
indulgent compassion; they said, quite disrespectfully, that she was like a child
to be distracted and amused with a n y t h i n g . M. Maria del Salvador and M.
Patrocinio and M. Purisima, all repeated the idea of her childishness. A child,
and unbalanced - could her opinion on a matter as serious as that of the
Constitutions be taken into account? Must she know anything about it?
With such continual references, M. Pilar's mind towards her sister
evolved in different directions. On the one hand she believed those who told
her that M. Sacred Heart was suffering from some kind of nervous disability;
on the other, she was beginning to think that the trials she had to bear and had
suffered in the previous years were quite sufficient to explain that state of mind;
and finally, she began to consider that there was in M. Sacred Heart such a
rich wealth of virtue that might well be called heroic, far beyond any supposed
lack of mental stability. Very few letters between the two sisters during this
year have been preserved. But M. Maria del Salvador in one of hers to the
General says: «M. Sacred Heart appreciates the letters you write to her. She
says you are very good to her, and this makes her very happy. She is afraid you
may changc, but now she is content and gives thanks to God* 44 .
«Just in passing I have understood*
Some details give an idea of the dramatic situation in which the ex-
General of the Institute was placed. In a letter to Maria del Carmen Aranda
41
42
43
Letters of 5th April 1894; 5th October 1893; 22nd April 1894.
44
Letter of 21st July 1894.
462 Partf o u r :1893-1925
she wrote: «So, by chance, I learned that the Congregation has taken over the
Fallon's school. Very good; so far, either moving it to our house, or our house
there. Whatever is best for the Congregation. I have nothing to say against it».
M. Sacred Heart was speaking of the school in Cadiz which was just
beginning. There was a school in the town rim by seculars who wanted to hand
it over to Religious. The directress, Emilia Fallon had died in February 1894,
and her niece, who had been helping to run the school, offered the Handmaids
the chance of taking over the school; they had had a house in Cadiz since 1890.
As always in such cases, the interest of the Jesuits in the plan had a powerful
influence on the General's decision. It was accepted by the Council at a
meeting held in the month of April 45 . Conversations during the previous days
had shown interesting divergencies of opinion among the Assistants and the
General. In summary we could say that M. Pilar always considered the work
of education an important form of apostolic activity in the Institute,
«considering how completely we are imitating our Master by uniting adoration
of Jesus exposed with teaching* 46 . The Assistants had some reservations
about schools; some more, others less. But for the moment they had agreed
to accept the work.
M. Sacred Heart was not informed of this project. She received the
first information, incomplete, in community recreation. It is easy to understand
that such fragmentary pieces of news increased Mother's impression of being
cut off from communication with the Institute; and to imagine her suffering
when thinking of what might occur without her knowledge. At that time she
had one definite fear: that the community in C&diz might be divided into two
groups, one for teaching and the other for worship of the Eucharist:
«What makes me sorry is what I heard in recreation, that it is a

separate house from the other one; and as I don't think it possible for
them to keep up two with the Blessed Sacrament in Cadiz, that is why
I am worried. I was thinking, perhaps they are going to have it just
for education. God forbid! I calmed down a bit, thinking perhaps it
is provisional..., because I cannot understand how anyone could want
that kind of house in the Congregation. Mother, wouldn't it be helpful
to make it very clear in the Constitutions that no school can be
founded without the formal obligation of having the Bl. Sacrament
exposed as soon as possible?* 47
She could stop worrying on that point at once. No one had thought
45
Minutes of Council Meetings 1, p. 134.
46
Letter to M. Presentation Arrola, 6th July 1897.
47
Letter to Maria del Carmen Aranda, 12th June 1894.
of changing the mission of the Institute like that 48 .

If that letter is read slowly, it is touching to discover a M. Sacred
Heart filled with the sense of her responsibility b the Institute. However much
they wanted to deprive her of all information, she would never consider herself
unconcerned about the important events b the Institute, her Family. «God
forbid! I calmed down a bit, thinking perhaps it is provisional...» Those words,
referring to the foundation of the school b C&diz, show how it was that she
could always be peaceful; they were a prayer expressed b the simplest terms;
with the very words which any mother of the village might use, praying for her
children to be saved from some danger. She had entrusted the Institute to
God, and her task - as she had previously described it - was «to pray without
ceasbg, without taking her eyes off Him» 49 . «Perhaps it will be
provisional...* In this way she was showing her firm will to seek ways of living
b peace, as far as possible, and to sustain it as the essential base for a serene,
fraternal life together.
And b this case her desire to see the good side of the matter helped
her to hit upon the truth. The school b C£diz opened b a house apart from
the one b which the first community was living. But it was only a provisional
situation; that educational centre would very soon produce precious fruits,
always b the course of apostolic work centred b the Eucharist, as b any other
house of the Institute.
M. Pilar's remarks on the Constitutions
By the end of May, M. Pilar had finished her comments on the text of
the Constitutions which M. Purisima had sent from Rome. The General would
have liked to have the whole manuscript revised a g a b by Fr. Vbucsa, but time
was pressing; or rather, the Assistants were b a hurry because of the effect on
M. Purisima of this delay which she considered showed mistrust. Some of M.
Pilar's notes refer to unimportant pobts; but b general her observations were
reasonable and an improvement on the text 50 . They were almost all accepted.
There was however one question which worried her, and which was not
acccpted: the composition of the Provincial and General Congregations.
Strangely, M. Pilar came to repeat an idea already suggested by M. Sacred
Heart: the desire to reproduce as faithfully as possible the type of government
of the Society of Jesus sometimes led to literal transpositions which did not
48
M. Purisima had even written a new number in the Constitutions herself.
49
Letter to Fr. Munizfiba], 29th March 1893.
50 *Hiere were lwenty-one observations in all.
464 Part four: 1893-1925
render the true meaning 51 . Here is M. Pilar's observation on this point:

«Although it is true that in the General Congregation it was agreed that the
Constitutions should be as similar as possible to those of the Society of Jesus,
in some cases, as in this one, it seems it would not be suitable. Among the
Fathers (Jesuits), the professed, as they are called, are the most learned ones;
but with us... no one is required to have talents or extraordinary studies; hence
some could take part in our General Congregations who are not suitable for
such an important event...»52 It cannot be denied that the difficulty was real.
M. General's fears about the Constitutions cannot be qualified as mere
apprehensions. The work of synthesis had been done very hastily, and it lacked
unity of style - «a horrible mixture of language, that of St. Ignatius, mine and
yours, all in together...* said Fr. Vinuesa when he read thcm S3 . Fathers
Vinuesa, Muruzibal and UrrSburu even made comments on the content, or
they approved of those which M. Pilar had made 54 . «The only thing which
occurs to me is that if they have been presented in Rome it may seem irregular
to suggest amendments... But, 1 repeat, in general, 1 think they are better with
the amendments which you propose than without them...*55.
At last the Constitutions were returned to Rome. M. Pilar asked the
Assistants to give their opinion too. And in fact, they did56.
M. Purisima paid attention to most of the observations, but after
seeking advice she rejected the points where M. Pilar had found the greatest
difficulties: the composition of the General and Provincial Congregations, and
the obligatory nature of the Third Probation for all Religious .
M. Pilar answered M. Purisima's objections: «... with regard to the
question of a senior member, I have no experience of those difficulties which
the voting might cause, so I bow my head...* But she did not bow it
completely, for she continued: «it is not so essential for members of the
Congregation to be virtuous as to have good qualities and a right judgement in
their decisions* 58 . Urged by a thousand fears and aversions, M. Pilar
decided, with the advice of Maria del Carmen Aranda and Margarita Varo to
send a telegram to M. Purisima to delay the presentation of the Constitutions.
The brief text was: Amalia, wait. M. Purisima answered with another telegram
51
This is what happened with the (Constitutions when the theme of «votes» was dealt with.
52
Comments on the Constitutions.
53
54 Letter from Fr. UrnSburu to M. Pilar, 6th June 1894.
55
Ibid.
56
Letters to M. Purisima: from M. Ma. de !a Cruz, f t h June 1894; from Ma. del Carmen
Aranda, 16th.
57
See letter from M. Sacred Heart to M. Pilar in Rome, 18th June 1890.
58
in which she said: the delay would cause great harm 59 . M. Pilar did not know
what the harm could be. «If you mean, as I imagine, that other Constitutions
will get in before us, what are we going to do?» And, giving a gentle
remonstrance: «Purfsima, these things are not done in this way, they are
important, and we must avoid risks at all costs; because later when we see the
difficulties, nothing can be done... When dealing with matters of conscience we
cannot consider time, although if we act with rectitude, God will shorten it, just
as, in not doing so, Our Lord can complicate things so that they finish late and
badly...*60
The «matters of conscience*, as she herself confessed, were in the
Constitutions written by Fr. Vinuesa: «... M. Margarita says that that was
discussed here, and there was an objection about the senior Sisters 61 . And
when I think that this would be there for ever.. I feel even more strongly than
I did yesterday that we could be mistaken and have a majority of persons in our
meetings who do not understand the matter being dealt with, and still less know
how to communicate. So... you could find out there how others think about
this; for example, the Sacred Heart, and the Reparatrices, or even Fr.
Bucceroni, and some of the other wise priests...*62
The following day, very ingenuously, M. Pilar confided her worries to
M. Maria de la Cruz. (M. General appears very naive here, because the
Assistants did not give much weight to her ideas):
«I am sorry about Amalia. I try not to upset her because I think

that I want the Family to begin to live in harmony, and here it does
for the most part... So I only make comments very carefully, and
always briefly and with excuses, and even with affectionate
words...*63 «I think that if Amalia does not change, she will do
things badly, because in giving her opinion she is not very explicit or
impartial or else she gets annoyed and reproaches and blames others...
not through ill-will but on account of her character and her
imagination which turns everything round to suit herself. But I trust
in God to prevent any harm...* 64
M. Pilar supported her ideas with reasons similar to those given by Fr.
Vinuesa in a letter which he wrote to M. Purisima on 10th June, intending it
59
Cf. Chronicles I, p. 880.
60
" Referring to the right of the senior professed to take part in the Provincial Congregations.
62
63
See letter of 25th June 1894.
64
Letter from M. Pilar to Maria de la Cruz, 18th June 1894.
466 Part four: 1893-1925
to be read also by M. General 65 . Fr. Vinuesa wrote some strong paragraphs

in that letter; such as1. «The comments that I send are not to be adopted
blindly, but to be considered impartially, and before they are rejected, Fr.
UrrSburu or someone else who has governed or studied the Institute of the
Society should be consulted. And if they consider that they should be rejected,
then let them be rejected. Otherwise, I say that you are acting hastily, and God
will ask an account of those who act imprudently... The fact that new copies
have to be made, or that approval will be delayed until the Autumn, is no
reason for relinquishing the modifications whieh are acceptable; because, it is
better to have all that is suitable approved three months later, rather than have
the approval now with something or "somethings" which are not suitable*. M.
Pilar wrote to M. Purisima:
«Fr. Vinuesa's letter has made a deep impression on the two

Assistants here, and on me. Even more on me, because I have been
thinking the same... We all think that for the time being we should not
decide, but they should not be presented until we write. We'll register
the letter.
I know and I am sorry that this is going to upset you. Our Lord will
accept our sufferings from all of us for the good of the Family in
general and of ours in particular. So I am trying to take all that comes
to me... I am writing in a hurry, Purisima, and with regret for what I
am causing you; but how can we avoid it?* 66
M. Pilar said in that letter that she had sent a telegram to M.

Purisima. According to M. Maria del Carmen Aranda, «She wanted it to be
clear so that when put into Italian the meaning would not be changed; so this
is what she wrote: "De ningun modo presente Constituciones. Escribo". "In no
way present Constitutions. I will write".*67
Then followed days of waiting in Madrid. On 25th June she wrote
again to M. Purisima, saying the same as on 21st; that is, giving explanations,
sweetening the probably bad impression the telegram might have made etc. «I
know that this is a great hardship for you, and it hurts me more than I can say,
but remember the words of St. Teresa: that one does more by suffering than
by doing, above all when it is for something just and right. I had a letter from
you yesterday, but not today; I was expecting one after you had received the
telegram; perhaps on the feast of St. Aloysius...*
65
«The letter is not only for you, but also for M. General..."
66
67
History of M. Pilar I, p. 101-102. Naturally the words of the telegram were not translated
into Italian; but they were afraid that mistakes might be made.
That same day Maria del Carmen Aranda wrote to M. Maria de la

Cruz speaking very reprovingly about M. Purisima's conduct:
«... there is such unspeakable haste here... I do not approve of

Amaha's conduct. In the first place, how could she set about
presenting the Constitutions without showing them to us; and when she
was going to show them she was hurt because she was asked for them,
and so the presentation was delayed?... Secondly, when observations
were made, she did not say clearly if she acceptcd them; and from the
few letters which she writes there is no sign that she is taking the time
needed, or giving an account as she should; and finally, notice the
defects which Fr. Vinuesa found in the parts he has revised, and which
she thought were perfect... And I repeat, it is we and only we who will
be responsible for what is left in the Congregation, bccause M.
General did not authorise or approve the work being done badly, and
she warned that it would be... I completely agree with M. General in
this matter, and I am sure, to my great sorrow, that if things had been
done as she wanted, everything would have turned out differently... I
must say that I am sure of Amaha's uprightness and good intention,
she keeps silent and works unceasingly to attain what wc want; but I
think she acts with too much independence, and with too much self-
confidence.. .w68
On 25th June, M. Pilar wrote to Cardinal Mazzella, having decided at

the last minute to face up to the consequences of a delay:
«One of the Fathers who has read the Constitutions has told us that
it contains not only faults of style, but paragraphs not easily
understandable. We have consulted several persons who all advised
us not to present a work with these defects which is so important for
the life of the Institute. In view of this it seems to the Assistants and
to me that the work should come back here again so that following Fr.
Bucceroni's points, it may be perfected as far as possible in style and
meaning, and any other faults removed. Although we very much
regret the delay, we cannot omit to do what is so essential. Please
forgive the trouble this decision may cause. We are all sorry for that,
for we would wish only to give you pleasure; but what are wc to
do?» 69
68
Letter to Maria de la Cruz, 25th June 1894.
69
M. Pilar sent the letter to M. Purisima for her to give to the Cardinal.
468 Partf o u r :1893-1925
Neither M. Pilar nor the Assistants who were in Madrid had any idea
that by that time the Constitutions had already been presented for examination
by the Sacred Congregation.
«1 have said that I would like to see the Constitutions...*
In complete ignorance of the events just related M. Sacred Heart was

living - and suffering - her role in this drama. We do not know what must have
been the more painful: realising M. Pilar's anguish, and suffering with her, or
believing that the General and M. Purisima were in complete agreement on this
matter? In any case M. Sacred Heart was unable to choose. Her part was «to
be silent, to pray and to suffer* 70 , excuse and love without discrimination: her
sister, M. Purisima, the Superior in Rome, the whole Institute... «This is your
task: to pray without ceasing, without taking your eyes off me. All your good
depends on that* 71 .
In June 1894, M. Sacred Heart wrote two fetters about the
Constitutions. The first was addressed to M. Pilar: «I think it should be said
that in our houses children can make their First Communion, even if they do
not belong to our classes... I say this about Communion because on some
occasions there have been difficulties*72. M. Pilar agreed to that desire, as
far as she could at that time; that is, she passed it on to M. Purisima: «... If
there is time, I would like to give her that pleasure, and if not, at least to have
the satisfaction of knowing that I have listened and attended to her
petition* 73 .
From the letter which M. Sacred Heart wrote to Maria del Carmen
Aranda we have her own version of the circumstances which surrounded the
matter in Rome:
«A long time ago I said I would like to see the Constitutions before
they are presented, only so as to be able to point out any little things
which might be necessary through lack of experience. 1 don't know if
they will give in to me. 1 am afraid not, because I notice some lack of
trust. 1 have done what God wanted, and I am at peace. 1 have
mentioned a few things to M. General and M. Purisima*.
In another paragraph she said: «1 have told you about my little
fears, and not to M. Purisima because one word leads to another, and
70
Letter to Fr. Hidalgo, October 1892.
71
U t t e r to Fr. Muruzibal, 29th March 1893.
72
73
I want to avoid that, for her sake and for mine. Every day I
appreciate the virtue of silence more, and I thank God that we have
it so continually, for one never comes out of speaking much the same
as one entered* 74 .
M. Purisima showed M. Sacred Heart the Constitutions just when she

was about to present them during the First half of June. After such long
uncertainty suffered in silence, M. Sacred Heart considered there were reasons
for being satisfied with the text: she found all the principal points of the
Institute in it. She did not think of what could have been perfected, or what
might even be risky. She breathed in relief. «How could she have imagined
that the text was due, in equal parts, to Fr. Bucceroni's help and to the work
and independent spirit of M. Purisima? How could she suspect that through
the sufferings caused by the Constitutions M. Pilar was beginning to reconsider
her own previous attitudes of rebellion and self-sufficiency?
No, she did not know. If she had had any idea, she would not have
been able to rejoice when, at last, after months of suspicion, of exaggerated
caution, of whispered conversations, interrupted when she arrived, of locked
doors and cupboards... at last, one day M. Purisima handed her the
Constitutions to read.
«... Haven't I told you that M. Sacred Heart is pleased with the
Constitutions, and 1 am pleased because she is, and we all are...* 75 «M.
Sacred Heart has read them and is very happy...*76
«In no way...*
The time of waiting imposed by the last telegram and M. Pilar's letter
of explanation came to an end on 27th June when news was received from M.
Purisima. That news was a great surprise:
«Only Our Lord knows how much 1 am suffering since I received

your letter today; not because of the opposition against presenting the
Constitutions, that would have been the least, but because when I
received your letter they were already presented. It was all in the last
telegram your sent on 20th. I opened it and read: "Present work;
writing"; and from that day I have done nothing but push the matter
forward. That is, I could not do anything about presenting them, for
75
U t t e r from M . Purisima to M . M a r i a de la Cruz, 22nd June 1894.
76
Letter from, M . Patrocinio to M . Pilar, 15th June 1894.
Fr. Urraburu's reasons calmed M. Pilar then:
«Today Maria del Carmen and I have received a very consoling

letter from D. Santiago 81 ; he exhorts us to have confidence in God...
and charity among ourselves... With this letter my soul enters a rest,
which it did not before, and I am not thinking of doing anything but
pray... The letter we had from Amalia yesterday made me worried
and fearful, because her reasons could do nothing to calm me. I have
said nothing to her today when I wrote sending a document which was
needed. We must trust in the Lord, yes; thanks to Him...» 82
«Seeing that God has allowed this to happen...*
With absolute sincerity M. Pilar strove to see the will of God in the
strange episode of the telegram, even if it were only His permissive will.
«...Seeing that God has allowed this to happen, there is nothing to do but
commend the result to Him, and that is what I am doing...* she wrote to M.
Purisima 83 . But M. General, in keeping with her own character, was unable
to dispel completely the first idea she had formed of the matter. Her firmness
in upholding her own ideas, which had been stubbornness years before, now
was seen in much gentler aspects and even as invested with some degree of
pure justice. In her eyes it would not be right for her to give in without more
ado to the desires or demands of the Assistants. In this particular case M.
Pilar wanted to accept God's will; but, as she herself said on several occasions,
she did not know how to interpret it: «Truly, this does not seem natural, this
telegram, and other things; if it is from God, may He be blessed...* 84
M.General's attitude on this occasion was the result of a complexity of good
desires and fears. This is seen clearly in one of the paragraphs of the letter to
M. Purisima: «It would be good to be on the lookout to see if there is some
way of settling it; but understand, I am not saying that you should do anything
to cause the occasion, but leave it to God, praying without bias, because I think,
there is either much evil or great good in it...»
Diplomacy was never M. Pilar's strong point. Her desire to get some
agreement about the Constitutions was not to be hidden in the depths of her
81
Fr. Urriburu.
82
Letter to M. Maria de la Cruz, 29th June 1894.
83
Letter of 29 June 1894.
84
85
Ibid.
472 Part four: 1893-1925
heart; on many occasions it would betray her, stirring up mistrust in those

Assistants who were anxious to confirm the person and the behaviour of M.
Purisima.
Thinking over all these events some years later, M. Maria del Carmen
wrote some very wise words. According to her, M. Pilar realized from 1894 the
whole series of difficulties in her government, and she tried to lessen or at least
to weaken somewhat the behaviour of the person who would symbolize and
actively oppose her decisions and movements 86 .
Many times in her writings, Maria del Carmen Aranda asserts that M.
Pilar lackcd tact when making decisions; but she did possess an intuition which
was rarely mistaken. Later development of events would be a kind of painful
proof of this for M. Maria del Carmen. The General and her Assistants were
living through very spccial circumstances which would reveal all their intentions.
Yet, in some cases only documented history can uncover many of the details
of those times.
Fr. Urraburu, Maria de la Cruz, Maria del Carmen Aranda... and
everyone who knew about the famous telegram sent to M. Purisima on 20th
June 1894, accepted the providential nature of the fact 87 . M. Pilar expressed
some reserve; she believed that God had permitted it, but she also seemed to
suspect that someone, in some way, had manipulated Providence. What M.
Pilar did not see, and neither did any of those who knew of the case, was the
actual telegram which reached M. Purisima: a very simple piece of paper, which
has value as witness.
Indeed the telegraph office in Rome mistook the text which M. Pilar
had chosen so carefully, hoping to make such a mistake impossible. «De
ningun modo presente obra. Escribo» «In no way present work. Writing*, she
wrote that in Madrid.
The first time M. Purisima recounted the incident she said: «It was all
in the last telegram which you sent... I opened it and read: "Presente obra;
escribo" - "Present work. Writing"*88. Later she said that some days later,
after the Constitutions had been presented she was looking at the telegram, and
next to her name, on the outside, she found the negative words as if they were
her surname.
But the text of the telegram said something more than M. Purisima
wrote in that letter. It said: «Modo presente obra cscribo*. The address on
the outside said: «Amalia de ningun* How could she interpret such an
incomprehensible sentence, especially in the way she did? In order to
understand it as she did, the first word «modo» had to be omitted. Only in this
86
See: History ofM. Sacred Heart III, p. 164-5.
87
Fr. UrrAburu to M. Pilar. 29th June 1894.
88
Letter to M. Pilar, 24th June 1894.
C.l. Final approval of the Constitutions 473
way, far from stopping her, it urged her on to «push the matter forward* 89 .
In spite of all this, it seems incredible that M. Purisima should keep
such an insignificant piece of paper, which could CEuse trouble for her It is 3.
mystery why she did not tear it up. Instead, she kept it carefully. For many
years only the version she had given was known.
If Maria del Carmen had obtained the actual telegram, she would have
found in it another proof of the intuition of the General whose rights were so
often disregarded, but who could not be prevented from «seeing» aspects of
reality which others missed, which she herself could not explain.
Once the Constitutions had been presented, M. Purisima attempted to
soften M. Pilar's displeasure by offering to compensate on some points which
had little effect on the heart of the problem. On 29th June she wrote
suggesting that she could try to settle the points in the Constitutions which M.
Pilar did not like. She also mentioned the letter which M. Pilar had sent for
her to give to the Cardinal Protector, «which, thank God, He inspired you to
send through me». As well as giving her own interpretation to the telegram
and her haste in presenting the Constitutions, M. Purisima had also decided to
keep back the letter addressed to Cardinal Mazzella.
We can clearly deduce from the combination of events which
surrounded this affair that by this time M. Pilar had begun to suffer the same
difficulties in her government as her sister had previously had. Thus, just as M.
Sacred Heart wrote during those most critical moments: «this is the hour and
the power of darkness* 90 , so the second General of the Institute made known
her anguish at the course of these events. In a letter to the Superior of the
house in La Coruna, a person whom she trusted very much, she said:
«Lutgarda, pray, and let everyone make that offering with the greatest fervour,
for my intention. I am very much afraid, and if I am right, we should, like
Moses, not let our arms drop... Even if it is my own imagination, pray, for
these are great needs...* 91 She did not give the reason for her 'fears,' but
there was no need: the Superior of La Coruna, Lutgarda, was not a curious
woman, she was satisfied with complying with M. Pilar's desire without
questions: pray without ceasing. It is not necessary for us, either, to inquire
into the reason for her great worry: it is clear in view of the facts recorded
here.
89
Ibid.
90 letter to M. Maria del Carmen, end of December 1890
91
Letter to M. Lutgarda, 1st July 1894.
474 Part four: 1893-1925
«I am paying for my bad behaviour to that martyr...»
Fr. Urrdburu advised M. Pilar: «... I don't think you should worry; it
is clcar from all the explanations given by Amalia that she has not made any
substantial changc at all...*92 At that time the Jesuit gave full credit to M.
Purisima's words. M. Pilar was not absolutely convinced, but she was inclined
to accept whole heartcdly Fr. Urriburu's advicc, so for the time being she
dropped the changes which worried her so much 93 .
The struggle over the Constitutions was wearing away that old trait of
M. Pilar, her certainty of her own behaviour, which in some cases had led to
self-sufficiency. On 16th July she wrote to Rome:
«... I do not want you to forget me today, Purisima; if you are

tempted now, as in the time of M. Sacred Heart, to ask for the charge
to be for life, do not do that by any means, for I would reject that
without listening to anybody, for my conscience could not bear that...»
She was surely thinking of her sister in those moments. How many
times she had asked her for help on the way to giving up her charge! But she,
M. Pilar had hindered even that last recourse, and now she herself was feeling
the unbearable burden which M. Sacred Heart had borne with such immense
patience.
«Purisima, 1 confess it simply 1 cannot have the same situation as

before, and neither oppose it nor hide it; and if Our Lord does not
help, I myself will speak up... I am saying this in ease you are thinking
of that, and now if you take no notice of me; you know my resolution;
I'll appeal, even if it has to be to the Sacred Congregation...*
She then continued with a paragraph which most movingly revealed her
sorrow:
«Purisima, 1 am thinking, and I place myself in the presence of Our

Lord, that I am paying for the bad way I behaved with that martyr
there; even if I were right, I did not treat her as I should, and this is
so bitter for me that 1 would do anything to make up for it quickly and
for God to take me from this life where there is so much danger...*
She left the paragraph unfinished, and she even struck it out before
92
93
Letter 5th July 1894.
sending the letter. Nevertheless she was expressing one of the deepest
sentiments of her heart during her first year in office. She was not certain that
she had been mistaken on some points in recent times; but she was very sorry
that she had not understood her sister because she had not loved or shown
affection for her. She acknowledged that on that account her sister had
suffered a real martyrdom. And finally, she confessed that she felt it so much
that she wanted another life in which there would be no danger of prejudice
and injustice. It was not that she was longing for death, but she admitted that
she would rather die in peace than live serenely without allowing herself to be
carried away by prejudice.
A few days later, in another letter to M. Purisima, she explained even
more clearly the meaning of the previous one:
«I think that deliberative votes tie one's hands and feet, so great
virtue and courage is needed to be a head, even of a mouse, and one
is exposed to wise reserve, something I detest, and could not use; or,
as I say, it requires heroic virtue. Instead of that kind of government,
it would be better to have a kind of republic in Religious life...,
because then everything would be done between all, and no one in
particular would have to face up to it or be responsible for what at
times might go against conscience. Don't think I am exaggerating,
Purisima; one has to experience it in order to understand, I accept
this as punishment for the way I bore the troubles of other times; and
may God accept this, and excuse me in some way, soon; that is what
helps me to bear the suffering* 94 .
In this letter M. Pilar was not criticising a system of government;

rather she was expressing a gentle complaint about the personal situation to
which she, as General of the Institute was subjected. In this case, as in many
others, she found herself obliged to accept responsibility for a matter which she
had not negotiated. When the moment arrived for the official presentation of
the Constitutions, she would sign the petition addressed to His Holiness Leo
XIII asking for approval.
«... I don't even want heaven

unless it is His will.„»
«... I don't have to offer prayers for you, because you, and everyone,
have a part in them all», wrote M. Sacred Heart to one of the Assistants
94 Letter of 20th July 1894.

476 Part four: 1893-1925
General 95 , «... but on the feast of St. Peter they will be special, that you may
be sanctified, so that you may sanctify the Institute, which is what matters*.
She applied to herself the words she wrote to this Mother on the
anniversary of her re-election as Assistant. She could not take part in the
external activities of the Congregation, but she could and must sanctify herself
for it. That was «her task»; it was what she knew the Lord had commended
to her during this stage of her life.
She had accepted it. She wrote to M. Maria de la Cruz 96 : «In all
your prayers for me always ask Our Lord to grant me only what will give Him
most honour and glory, according to His plans for me; for I don't even want
heaven without His will, and with that I'd even accept a dungeon*. The will of
God, fulfilled day by day with absolute fidelity in monotony and obscurity, was
the fundamental theme of her spiritual life in those moments and always. She
wrote to a Sister afflicted with trouble in her sight: «... If this is God's will, you
should be very pleased, because having sight or not is of no account for
reaching heaven. Isn't that true?* 97
She wrote to Maria del Carmen Aranda at the same time:
«I am writing earlier than I thought. But, remembering it is the

feast of St. Peter, I feel obliged to greet you, assuring you that my
Communion and all my prayers that day will be for M. General and
you Assistants, asking Our Lord, for his glory, to continue to enlighten
you, and making of your five hearts but one, so that with peace and joy
you may bear the Cross which He placcd on you that day. Look upon
it as the Cross of Christ, so that its yoke may be sweet and its burden
light, for you know He will help you everywhere, and will not leave you
for a moment. As Our Lord gives the burden, is it not clear that He
has to give the strength? Trust in Him who is all powerful.
Many thanks for your answer. You forgot to say anything about
Manuel and Jos6; remember me to them if you see them. I am very
fond of them.
I am glad that Natividad is so happy. May God adorn with deep
humility those beautiful gifts He has given her.
Have patience with that difficult soul of Maria del Amor
Hermoso . Poor dear! That is her cross, and no little one.
If I do not write for the feast of Our Lady of Mount Carmcl, do not
be displeased. I shall be thinking of you, as I always do, and of
95
T o M. Ma. de la Cruz, 25th June 1894.
96
Ibid.
97
Letter to M. Magdalcna, 8th July 1894.
98 Her niece Isabel.
everybody.
I think I would like Fr. Smith, if I knew h i m " because I like what
I hear about him; which happens to mc with very few.
I commend myself to your prayers, and I love you very much in
Jesus, Your servant Maria del Sagrado Corazdn, A.C.I. 100
M. Sacred Heart was completely dedicated to her hidden life. She had
completely accepted the forgetfulness of many persons who had previously
appreciated and loved her. But this was not without sorrow. Just as for any
human creature, distance, physical or spiritual separation from those she knew
revived her memory. Manuel, Jose, Natividad, Maria del Amor Hermoso... She
did not feel any desire for the post she had occupied, but she did feel the
separation from persons she loved. She was experiencing that form of love
which consists in the sweetly painful memory of loved ones.
Although she was trying to live, and she did live, centrcd on God,
anchored in his «most holy will*, yet, for M. Sacrcd Heart, time was sometimes
an evasive ally, almost an enemy. She did not know how long her exile would
last, and this uncertainty made it longer. We find some very human details in
her letters of this time. For example: «What news have you of my Fr. Hidalgo?
How old he must be now; poor dear!» She had only been in Rome for two
years when she wrote that, and Fr. Hidalgo could not have aged too
much 101 .
She still remembered and was interested in persons, but she had
forgotten completely all other kinds of worry. She had never shown much
solicitude about money, and now with more reason she could ignore material
concerns completely. In May 1894 M. Pilar asked her consent to mortgage
some property which they owned between them. 102 «Do as you wish with
that property and with anything else which is left. Have I ever done anything
with those things?*, she answered by return post 103 . And in the same letter
with that detachment with which she was truly seeking only «the kingdom of
God and his justice* (Mt. 6,33) she went on at once to make some comments
about the house in Rome.
99
100
He was Maria del Carmen's spiritual director.
1B1
Letter to M. Ma. dc la Cruz, 25th June 1894.
102
103 U t t e r of 9th May 1894.
478 Part four: 1893-1925
«... May God not allow them to touch

the Blessed Sacrament...»
Until the end of June the Constitutions were in the hands of the
Consultors of the Sacred Congregation, who had to report on them before
giving them to the Cardinal Prefect and the Pope. One of them, Fr. Bucceroni,
the Jesuit who had helped M. Purisima in the final revision, kept in touch with
the impressions held by the commission. A confidential remark of his caused
the General much worry. M. Purisima wrote: «Through the obtacles which Fr.
Bucceroni has seen these days, he thinks we have an enemy in the Sacred
Congregation. Our Lord will come in everything!*104 The word enemy did
not have the meaning we usually give to that word; in this ease it meant that
one of the Consultors found some difficulty in approving certain points in the
Constitutions. «They have passed nearly all the first part, up to chapter 25. He
says they have praised them highly, as beautiful and full of spirit; and for this
reason they are afraid they will not be kept afterwards ... The principal target,
according to what I understood, was the Blessed Sacrament. It may be better
next Saturday (28th) because the Presenter has been changed, and it will be Fr.
Bucceroni... But you must pray hard; there are still two tribunals after this,
then the Cardinal Prefect and the Holy Father. Fr. Bucceroni has asked very
earnestly not to let it be known that he came here...®105 Two days later M.
Purisima said that as the Constitutions were being examined, questions about
the origins of the Institute and the difficulties during M. Sacred Heart's time,
etc. were being questioned again 106 .
M. Pilar had accepted the inevitable unwillingly, when she knew the
Constitutions had been presented, and she now felt her anxiety return. She
wrote to M. Purisima: «... May God not allow the Blessed Sacrament to be
touched; it is our life... I am sorry that the Cardinal will not be there, because
I think he would be the strongest defence against the Constitutions being
stripped of what we all love. May the most holy will of God be done with
mercy and great goodness for the Institute, and nothing which might in the
least way be contrary to the divine wish!...*107
In view of these new fears, M. Pilar remembered all that she had
suffered throughout the whole process, especially when she was unable to
intervene in anything. She wrote to M. Purisima 108 : «Because I see the
impossibility, I have not said any more; but I find in deliberative votes more
194
105
U t t e r from M. Purisima to M. Pilar, 21st July 1894.
106
107
U t t e r of 27th July 1S94.
108
U t l e r of 1st August 1894.
difficulties than you mention today, because I have experience of the harm they
can cause. I often wish I could find an opportunity to speak not only to D.
Camilo but also to Cardinal Verga about the harm that I see; and with many
excuses and sorrow in the presence of God, to Da. Rudesinda...* 109
Indeed, anyone who knew the whole story of the Constitutions would
understand that M. Pilar disliked a system of government which wrongly
justified the preponderance of the Assistants over the General. M. Pilar
considered that if things were to develop that way, the head of the Institute
would be tempted to «work by stealth and on her own» and would only be able
to resist by acts of heroic virtue. At this point her thoughts turned again to her
sister: the constant, strong, and holy M. Sacred Heart. She was thinking of her
when she spoke in general terms of the one at the head of the Institute: «.._A
martyr she would be, no doubt, and so, a great saint; but to leave things like
this for the future!* 110
In spite of M. Pilar's considerations, and the Assistants' desire - at
least in theory - to have a government similar to that of the Society of Jesus,
the Sacred Congregation approved of another system in the Constitutions; the
General would govern for a limited time, and would also have to count on the
deliberative vote of the Assistants 111 .
The news from M. Purisima, with her hints of changes of more or less
importance, kept M. Pilar in suspense. «... Ah, there is something fishy here;
that is, to my mind the present rule has some difficulties, and I am afraid they
will make changes where we feel it most ... How sorry I am to be so far away
from helping something so beloved! May Our Lord and his holy Mother make
up for my desire and my torture...* 112
«How bitter is the chalice of Christ!»
On 19th August M. Pilar left for Rome, unable to resist the pressure
of so many worries. M. Maria de la Cruz wrote to Maria del Carmen
Aranda 113: «I did not oppose this .
because I can see something hidden in
Amalia's letters, and I do not want to be responsible... If she docs not upset
things there, it is not a bad thing for her to go, to see if we can get some calm;
for I repeat, perhaps when she is there seeing everything, she will calm down,
and nothing will happen; and what she has in her blood causes a lot...* With
109
M. Sacrcd Heart.
110
Letter to M. Purisima, 1st August 1894.
111
M. Purisima informed M. Pilar of this in a letter of 11th August 1894.
112
113
Letter to M. Maria del Carmen Aranda, IRth August 1894.
480 Part four: 1893-1925
these last words M. Maria de la Cruz was referring to M. Sacred Heart. She
was right. M. Pilar was feeling very uneasy, almost remorseful, imagining her
sister's situation, and the sufferings caused by the continual troublesome
presence of M. Purisima.
M. General also wrote to Maria del Carmen Aranda. From Barcelona
she said: «We arrived here last night, and tomorrow morning we embark for
Rome. I do not know why I am going, but I t h i n k I have a right intention. I
cannot calculate or even think of the outcome of the journey, but only that God
is sending me... And indeed, even I think it is madness; but when I think of the
importance of the matter, I think I am sufficiently authorised... M. Cruz urged
me not to hold up the approval unless there was a big difficulty..., and she
made me hesitate about going. 1 told her sincerely that if I could see any way
of correcting what I find wrong, I don't know how I can leave them if I can
change them. I thought about it for a time, and I decided to go, t h i n k i n g that
is my duty, although I can do nothing as things are so near the end; as perhaps
Our Lord has permitted all this...*1
M. Pilar arrived in Rome on 24th August, and then went to Naples
with M. Purisima to see the Cardinal Proteetor. That same day she wrote to
M. Maria del Carmen Aranda: «My idea is to see if the approval can be
delayed, ... with the intention of removing more, or of changing some wrong
things whieh I desire more and more...» M. Purisima said later that she went
with her to prevent her from doing or saying anything which might hinder the
approval 115 . The journey to Naples was not very pleasant, and while on the
way M. Pilar realized that her journey was useless. She wrote on 28th August:
«Yesterday the Holy Father signed the Constitutions, but the Brief will not be
issued perhaps until November, when the Congregations open... I have not
tried to do anything because I am not free to propose anything; as soon as I
tried to speak to Amalia, I stopped, and 1 even thought it more charitable for
us both to finish the discussion, but was left in still great anguish of spirit. May
Our Lord accept my anguish for my good and that of the Family, and may they
not be written against anyone in the book of life. How bitter is the chalice of
Christ* 116 .
M. Purisima also wrote to Spain: «... It seems that Leandra 117 has
come with the idea of delaying the approval, and even of beginning all over
again...; she arrived too late for that, by a series of wonders; that is, too late to
prevent the approval, and as for the rest, I trust God will not allow that, if it
114
115
M. MARIA D E LA CRUZ, Chronicles I, p. 1017-18.
116
Letter to Mana del Carmen Aranda.
117
M. Pilar.
C.l. Final approval of the Constitutions 481
has to be, us I believe, for His glory*118. It is clear that the Assistants saw
in the one whom they were supposed to help with their advice, the chief
hindrance for the glory of God to shine over the Institute. A tremendous
mistake, held more or less unconsciously in the depths of their hearts at the
time when they elected her as General. None of the injustices committed
against M. Sacred Heart could be compared with that. Blinded by misdirected
zeal, the Assistants dared to communicate to one another, as if it were the
most trivial of comments, the deep mistrust they felt for M. General with
regard to the preservation of the Institute. And this happened during the first
year she was in office!
M. Sacred Heart, «is a saint»
M. Pilar stayed in Rome until the beginning of October, although she

took no part in the business of the Constitutions. She was able to see the
difficulties in the house; above all, she could see M. Sacred Heart's attitude in
the face of them. The two sisters spoke; they had long talks. And with the
experience of her recent wounds, the elder understood the younger. Not only
did she understand, she admired her deeply. She wrote thus in a letter to M.
Maria de la Cruz:
«... Da. Rudesinda 119 has becomc a saint... I blessed God when
I heard her the other afternoon. How much she has suffered! And
with good reason. She says (and I am told it is true), that the caution
used with her has been extreme, both in speaking and in locking things
up; and she tells me that she could not bear it, and was greatly
tempted. Poor dear one! How well 1 understand. And don't think
that she is resentful; but how she has struggled! Only her deep solid
virtue could put up with such a situation...* 120
Sometimes, when some parts of her letters have been quoted in her
biographies, certain sentences have been omitted - «she tells me that she could
not bear it and that she had all kinds of temptations...* which express the truth
of M. Sacred Heart's sorrow, a sorrow so great that «she could not bear it*.
We are touched when we learn that, like any human being, she felt rebellious
against injustice, and yet in spite of that, she maintained an external serenity
which made some persons think that «she could be amused by any little thing,
118
119
l e t t e r to M. Maria del Carmen Aranda, 29th August 1894.
M. Sacred Heart.
120 Letter of August 1894.
482 Part four: 1893-1925
like a child» (Think of the news sent to M, Pilar by the Superiors in Rome).
But far beyond her external composure is the deep peace and complete absence
of resentment in her heart.
Stranger still is the fact that M. Pilar, acknowledging the fortitude and
high sanctity of her sister, believed those who told her that she was not quite
balanced (Fr. Mancini, M. Maria del Salvador, M. Patrocinio...). In that same
letter M. General commented that she had been able to bear such trials in her
psychological condition.
By that time, contrition had worked fruitfully in M. Pilar's heart, but
it had not succeeded in erasing every kind of error from her mind. Her stay
in Rome helped her to acquire great experience in the understanding of
persons. Beside M. Purisima, she found herself forced to allow her to act just
as freely as when she was in Madrid, in those final negotiations for the
approval of the Constitutions. She wrote to Maria del Carmen Aranda: «Yes,
my going to Spain is needed, but I think it is not so necessary or urgent as that
of Amalia. But I am afraid I shall have to leave without her. Although, if all
comes out as she thinks, it will finish this month. And I too think it will, but
I am not sure of anything, and I do not intervene in this, except exteriorly, for
the sake of appearances* 121 . Nothing was more purifying for M, Pilar than
that enforced inactivity. In this situation which went against all her inclinations,
an idea was taking strong root in her mind: that the judgement which people
make on themselves is very relative. «When I get to know these things, and see
these persons who have so many excellent gifts and who want to be told their
imperfections - and yet one is unable to say anything, because they would not
be helped by that, and they would be hurt -; I say: What is my poor person
like, and how much do I make others suffer? Truly I would like to know what
I am like, and if I did, it would save me much trouble, and would do good... I
beg you to tell me the faults you see in me...» She wrote this to M. Maria del
Carmen Aranda who certainly did not hesitate to fulfil the assignment on
several occasions.
121
122
Chapter III
A PILGRIMAGE WICH SYMBOLISED A PERIOD
In difficult monotony
After MM. Pilar and Purisima left Rome for Madrid the ordinary
routine took over in the house. In October M. Maria del Salvador, the first
Superior, also left. M. Sacred Heart felt that very much, not because of a mere
whim or an attempt to rebel against a decision of M. Pilar. The first General
had esteemed the «Little Widow of the Isle» very highly, we might say that she
valued her above all her qualities. (We do not know if she ever knew that M.
Maria del Salvador had criticised her conduct, and on some occasions had
commented on her so-called ravings).
With the autumn of 1894 a monotonous series of days - began for M.
Sacred Heart - each one the same as the last. Days opened only to the horizon
of faith, enlarged and deepened to incredible limits, but which did not ease the
weight and pain of her situation. Letters from M. Patrocinio, the Mistress of
Novices, to M. Pilar give us some precious details, but even these must be
interpreted with caution. In October 1894 she recounts to the General a
conversation with M. Sacred Heart: «She told mc, among other things, that the
charge she would like was that of portress, but she is not given it because they
do not trust her. She did not mind, but she begged me to give her a charge in
which she would have to move about a lot, because this not only gave her life,
but she really needed something to help her bear her situation; she could not
think of it without being overcome with emotion...)*1 «... In this situation the
only thing which sustains her is the crucifix and all her prayer, because she is
alone in the world, and only three in the Family have stayed faithful to her, and
none of the others has even asked why she has been placed in this situation*2.
This last point certainly made her suffer a great deal. In fact she never
heard anything which let her know of the surprise of the Religious when she
was definitively retired. Her own discretion and her generous acceptance of the
facts had helped to keep a cover over everything M. Sacred Heart might have
rejoiced in this ignorance of the Institute as the clearest proof of her heroic
silence. But it was natural, and very human that it hurt her deeply. Only the
Superior and M. Matilde Erice 3 witnessed her suffering. In a letter to M.
1
2
3
This Religious was Assistant in the house in Rome.
484 Pan four 1893-1925
Pilar, M. Patrocinio said: «... In spite of all, no one notices anything, and apart
from feeling sorry when wc see her, there is nothing to worry about. I think
it has been good for her to talk, because M. Assistant tells me that she is well
and she sleeps* 4 .
Without any doubt, at this time and throughout her whole life, M.
Sacred Heart maintained in the presence of the Religious and of all who dealt
with her, that serene countenance which minimized any idea of her sufferings.
Except for the three persons in Rome in whom she confided (MM, Patrocinio
and Matilde and Fr. Mancini) everyone saw her as a peaceful, smiling woman,
always ready to help, A comparison of the reports given to M. Pilar and the
impression she made on others shows the person of M. Sacred Heart in a very
favourable light.
The days passed slowly. Yet, how quickly! «... Soon wc shall be in
Retreat*, she wrote to Maria de la Cruz 5 , «(say) at least three Glorias every
day until the Immaculate Conception for good results. I would indeed like to
obtain that, because for some time I have seen the train carrying me to eternity
running at great speed, and I am afraid I shall arrive before I can pay the Lord
all my debts. And you know that I don't want to go through customs, but as
soon as we arrive in port, to take possession of my only house, which is that of
my heavenly Father*. About this time life's train was carrying several well-
known persons to the terminal. «Fray Zcferino 6 has been anointed; suffering
horribly, and with such patiencc and resignation that it is touching to hear of
it». M. Pilar gave her this news 7 «What an impression he is going to make
in heaven! And having a good heart is a great guarantee for paying debts at
the hour of death!* A few days later M. Pilar completed the news about Fray
Ceferino with the last details of his life on earth: «I wrote to you a few days
ago, and now I write again to tell you that Sr. Cardinal Gonzalez died
yesterday; like a saint; he bore his illness heroically, and it was horrendous. The
Superior of Andujar, Sr. Antonia, has also died. I do not know on which day,
or the cause...*8 It seemed that autumn with its long evenings was shedding
new rays of splendour and pinpointing the passing nature of the things of
earth...
4
^ Letter written in November 1894,
® This is what the famous Bishop of Cordova was callcd sometimes. The foundresses spelled
his name thus: Zeferino.
7
Letter of 23rd November 1894.
5 Letter of 30th November 1894.
C.3. A symbolic journey 485
«... Everything passes, Mother 9 . It will come to us too, perhaps

today. Truly we should live as if we were not living, and place all our
efforts in what is true life, because it is eternal - life without end.
How happy Father will be now on account of all the good he has done
and because he has been generous with God! May he obtain for mc
that grace which I like so much and practise so badly. And you, do
not cry, for if he is not yet enjoying God, he is safe. What a consoling
thought this is! He cannot sin now; he cannot lose heaven now! This
is enough to drive us mad! Because although he may be suffering, he
loves God and hopes with all security to see Him; what more could we
desire for one we love so much? Mother, I believe that these losses
which we feel so much should set us on fire with extraordinary zeal for
the conversion of poor sinners. Yes, it is these who should break our
hearts! And we should form a league of prayer to prevent anyone
falling into hell. You and I should make that resolution now; don't
you think so?»
All she remembered now about Fr. Manuel Molina was the «good he
has done», his generosity with God. M. Sacred Heart's memory was well
exercised in the continual practice of generosity and of pardon.
She wrote to her old secretary 10 : «Although I do not write to you,
don't think that I forget you. I have plenty of desires; but I say to myself:
"What good would my few lines do? Let us keep to what is worthwhile". So
I go to Our Lord, or I use the time in something more profitable for your soul.
This does not mean that I am not very grateful when you remember to write
to mc, and 1 do not disapprove of that by any means; neither do I disapprove
of everyone writing frequently*.
«Thus will tliey shine in such great poverty*
M. Pilar was in Rome again at the end of January 1895. She wanted
to buy a house in which the community in Rome could be definitely
established. M. Maria de la Cruz went with her. The latter wrote shortly after
arriving: «M. Sacred Heart is delightful, so practical, humble, hard-working and
obliging*11.
The official reason for the visit was the most important, but it was not
D
M. Sacred Heart was writing to M. Maria de ta Cru7, about the death of Fr. Molina on 18th
December 1894.
Letter to M. Maria del Carmen Aranda, December 1894.
11
Letter to M. Engracia San Vicente, 8th February 1895.
486 Part four. 1893-1925
the only one. According to Maria del Carmen Aranda she was also «hoping
to modify the Constitutions, to remove some things from them which she
thought harmful...» 12 M. Maria de la Cruz said that when preparing for her
journey, M. Pilar had thought of being absent for about a fortnight; but she,
being as always more realistic, thought it would be two months. In fact, almost
the whole of 1895 would be spent. Once again the attempt to acquire a house
was unsuccessful.
In May M. General arranged for M. Sacred Heart to go on a
pilgrimage to Loreto with M. Maria de la Cruz. The sixth centenary of the
translation of the house of Loreto was being celebrated, and there were many
opportunities for travelling. M. Pilar really had a double aim in this - to give
her sister some pious relaxation and to avoid having her in the house of Rome
at the time when M. Patrocinio was appointed Superior of the community.
Although M. Maria del Salvador had been in Spain since October, the General
presumed that the change to M. Patrocinio would be painful for M. Sacred
Heart. (We must remember that the latter considered that Maria del Salvador
was one of the few persons still faithful to her). M. Pilar wanted her sister to
enjoy the journey, so she explained that she would like to give M. Maria de la
Cruz some pleasure, and she asked her sister to help by accompanying her.
And certainly, under those conditions, M. Sacred Heart agreed joyfully.
She remembered that visit many years later. She accepted the
authenticity of the holy house without reserve; and even if there were doubts
about it, there were certainly none about the faith and love aroused in the
pilgrims. They left Rome on 3rd May at night, and reached Loreto the
following morning. In all her writings M. Maria de la Cruz proves to be a
mistress of detail, and many years later she remembered every kind of incident
of this journey:
«As pilgrims were arriving unceasingly, the people went to the

station to see which of the strangers they could take to the inns or
their houses; for nearly all of them had prepared rooms to receive
guests. But it was forbidden to speak to or invite the visitors in the
station, so they made signs with posters, but no one spoke. No one
approached the two Mothers, so M. Sacred Heart began to walk
towards the village, wanting to visit the Holy House out of devotion,
and because they had not decided what they were going to do...; they
were going up to Loreto which is rather high, and an elderly woman,
decently dressed, followed them and asked them to stay in her house...
As the Mothers had little money with them they said that perhaps they
would be all right in that poor woman's house; and as the woman did
12
History ofM. Pilar I, p. 58.
not leave them and kept asking them, and the house was at the
beginning of the village, they went in and were put up there very
poorly in a small room» 13 .
They went at once to the place of their pilgrimage and made friends
with the Capuchins who look after Our Lady's house, and who helped them to
satisfy their devotion.
«The two Mothers spent the whole day there, leaving only to cat
and sleep. They saw nothing of the village; it seemed they could not
keep away from the Holy House, amazed at its great poverty, and
thinking of who lived there and what happened there. The Holy
House was closed in the afternoon at the usual time... and the
Capuchins sweep it; but they allowed the Mothers to do this as a
favour, and on their knees, as the Religious do, full of devotion, they
swept with hand brooms thinking of the times when Our Lady must
have done it. Early the next day they went to the Holy House to say
goodbye; and they received Holy Communion in the Basilica because
they could not wait to do so in the Holy House; afterwards they kissed
the walls, took their leave of that holy place....14
On the way back to Rome from Loreto they stopped in Foligno, and
changed trains for Assisi. «It only cost a few pence, because it is very near»,
said M. Maria de la Cruz 15 . '
«When they arrived in Assisi... they went at once to the Portiuncula

Chapel which is in the middle of the transept of the Basilica of Our
Lady of the Angels. Afterwards, as it was getting late, they saw Fr.
Guardian in the sacristy and asked him for a recommendation to a
religious house where they could stay, for they did not want to stay at
an inn. He helped them by giving them a card asking the Religious at
the hermitage of St. Anthony of Padua to put them up... The site of
the Portiuncula is rather far from Assisi, and is surrounded by inns,
tents, houses, etc., very near there were the Religious where they
stayed. The next day they had a coach and spent the whole morning
seeing many of the places of devotion there; nearly all are connected
with St. Francis and St. Clare... After this, the next day... they asked
for a Mass to be celebrated at the altar of the Portiuncula, and they
13
M. MA. DE LA CRUZ, Chronicles II, pp. 140-1.
14
Ibid. pp. 143-4.
15
Ibid. p. 144.
488 Part four: 1893-1925
received Holy Communion. Then when all was over, they continued
their journey to Rome, where they arrived on 7th or 8th May, very
happy with all they had seen...» 16
Apart from all the anecdotes, the journey to Loreto was a deep
religious experience for M. Sacrcd Heart. The sight of the calm views of
Umbria, the constant sensation of spring pouring over the open fields, the same
broad horizons which inspired Perugino or Raphael, without any doubt meant
for her moments of simple joy beneath the devout experience of the pilgrimage.
Later on her ideals of evangelical poverty and detachment brought to her mind
those places sanctified by Francis of Assisi, those places through which they had
passed with religious unction.
One month after the journey she remembered the Saint in a letter to
M. Maria del Carmen Aranda. She had enjoyed seeing those places which had
been the setting for the marvellous life of the «PovcrclIo». But St. Francis was
to stay in her m b d above all as the man who loved even to the folly of the
cross. She said to Maria del Carmen: «I do not want anything for the feast of
the Sacrcd Heart; but, if you do want to send something, what I would like
most, if you can find one, is a little picture of St. Francis of Assisi standbg with
one foot on the world b the form of a globe, embracing the crucifix which has
one arm detached clasping the Sarnt*1 .
In all the contemplations during a Retreat St. Ignatius recommcnds a
«composition of placc». Loreto, Our Lady's house, would leave an
unforgettable impression on M. Sacrcd Heart's spirit. «I think of myself in that
dearly loved (little house of Nazareth) which we visited; I see Jesus, Mary and
Joseph there like those bright stars which delight the eyes on a dark night.
They must have shone like that in such great poverty*18. She thought of the
events of that pilgrimage because withb herself, in the night of her hidden life,
her faith, hope and love of the Holy Family b the humble life of Nazareth
were also shining. St. Ignatius said: «... Sec Our Lady and Joseph... and the
Child Jesus when He was born... look at them, contemplate them, serve their
needs as if they arc here with me...; see, notice, and contemplate what they are
saying...; see and consider what they are doing.,,*19 That «see and consider*
was reflected b the life and writings of M. Sacred Heart.
«I will avoid all distbetions and will do all I can to live as hiddenly
as possible, withb obedience, remembering that no life is more holy
16
M. MARIA DE LA CRUZ, Chronicles II, pp. 14547.
17
18
Letter to M. Maria de la Cruz, March-April, 1896.
19
IGNATIUS OF LOYOLA, Sp. Exercises (114-115).
than the one which is most like Christ's and that of his holy
Mother* 20 .
«Hidden life. Here is a mine of merits for me! The three most
great, most holy and wisest persons in the world as if they were
useless. Jesus above all, for thirty years in silence and doing almost
nothing of the work entrusted to Him by His Eternal Father... And I
get so upset at doing nothing, and I don't even know if I am needed
for anything, and I have no gifts except to spoil everything. O, my
Jesus! from today may your marvellous example be my model...* 21
«Rejoicc and consider it a great grace to live hidden and forgotten,

but not being idle... Encourage in myself the desire to be hidden from
everyone's eyes, and even from my own...*22
«Dedicate the great desire I have to work for the Congregation to

sanctify myself by acquiring virtues as much as I can, because this is
God's will...*23
«To live, as regards the Institute, as if I were dead. Like Jesus in

the house of Nazareth for thirty years seemingly with n o t h i n g to do
with the world he had come to redeem* 24 .
«Nothing is more pleasing to God than to submit to what He

disposes and to obey Him and His representatives. The example of
Jesus for thirty years...*25
«I see the divine life of the divine Family in everything. Highest

obedience, submission of judgement to all God's arrangements,
without even interior questioning... and complete abandonment to his
holy will and blind trust that everything has to be for the greatest
good* 26 .
«... I must rejoice in all the good which God makes use of in all
20
Spiritual notes 37; undated, but probably 1894.
21
Ibid. 41. Probably from the Retreat of 1897.
22
Ibid.
23
Ibid. 31, 1893.
24
Ibid. 49, 1901.
25
Ibid. 55, 1903.
26
Ibid. 63, 1905.
490 Part four: 1893-1925
creatures, because as I should want only what God wants, I should be

pleased with all the good He does in others. And so, if He wants me
to be always like this, inactive as I am, and others occupied in his
glory, in working for it, I must not desire or wish for anything but that
which my God allows and desires... Neither must I want anyone to
know me. Hide myself as much as I can; form my history in the mind
of God alone by my great, hidden works* 27
When M. Sacrcd Heart reached Rome after her journey M. Patrocinio

had been nominated Superior of the house; in fact, she had been fulfilling this
charge together with that of Mistress of Novices since the previous year.
«He is the Master of the Institute*
In Rome M. Pilar was still looking for a suitable house for the
community. But she had little success. She considered the Church and part of
the house in San Silvestre, and another Church and house in Agostino Dc
Prctis, a property in Quattro Fontanc... All the negotiations came up against
the limited financial possibilities of the Handmaids, and the aims of the sellers
which grew in inverse proportion. M. Pilar was specially interested in some
land for sale near the Quirinal, but it was impossible for them to purchase that.
So the days of 1895 went by while in Spain urgent matters were waiting28.
These delays, complicated by the lack of understanding over the business of the
Constitutions and by the problems of administration, increased the uneasy
atmosphere within the General Council. M. Pilar's prolonged absence from
Spain did not help to maintain the prestige and authority of the second General
and foundress.
The Assistants were becoming less and less certain about those
extraordinary gifts of administration which they had attributed to M. Pilar in
previous years. But the deterioration of her image in this sense was
accompanied by extraordinary interior maturity. A new discretion, far removed
from her old sharpness, and nearer to wisdom, was reflected in the words of
the General. In the month of May, taking advantage of the enforced halt to
her negotiations for a house in Rome, M. Pilar made her retreat. When she
finished she wrote letters which clcarly showed her interior dispositions. On
27
Ibid. 63, ibid.
28
In this year a building was purchased in Cadiz; in 1896 the school and the two communities
in the town were moved into it. In November the planned foundation in Seville was accomplished,
hastened at the request of the lady who financed it and of the Jesuit Fathers wlio warmly
supported it. In 1895 the possibility of a foundation in San Sebastian was discussed, and M. Maria
del Carmen started negotiations, but nothing was effected.
the feast of the Sacred Heart she wrote to M. Purisima:
«Stir up the fervour of everyone in that house for this Sacred Heart
He is the Master of the Institute, and I believe that this work came
from Him; He animates it and leads it forward, seemingly with
negative deeds. I say this because that is how I see it when I consider
the birth of this work from the start; and I can assert that no one had
the skill to direct events. Although there was good will, no one
managed to succeed, and nothing but ruin would have been produced;
but from this confusion the work was born, grew, and has spread until
the present. Blessed be tbe Lord in the Sacred Heart of Jesus.
It is nineteen years today 29 since M. Sacred Heart and I made our
first vows in a room in the house near Cuatro Caminos. What
memories for my heart! No one but the Heart of Jesus can grasp that;
and M. Sacred Heart will feel the same, even though nothing has been
said about it*30.
Some days later she wrote again to M. Purisima. It was obvious that
the light she had received during her Retreat had focussed directly on her
relationship with the first Assistant:
«... I have just received your letter in which you tell me how well
you have received my comments 31 , giving me such great consolation
in Our Lord that after thanking Him in the high choir, I come deeply
moved to share my joy with you, and besides to empty my heart of
some of the bitterness. May this too fall into your heart just as you
say the other did!...
Thinking of what has to be done to put good order into the Family,
and seeing how much of value is in it, but in great disorder, I was
considering that we must not leave things like this for posterity. But I
realized as never before that this work belongs exclusively and uniquely
to the Heart of Jesus, because although all religious families come
from God, they have their founders, that is, saints who conceived a
plan under divine inspiration, and began with that idea.
But in this work, who made a plan for its existence? No one, as far
as I know...»
29
30
It was eighteen, not nineteen years.
31
This refers to some previous comments.
492 Part four 1893-1925
M. Pilar continued by giving an account of the providential acts which

had led to the birth of the Institute while no one caught up in the process had
made any plans beforehand. This idea was very deeply rooted in her mind.
What she was concerned about at this time, and was seeing in new light, was
the thought of her collaboration with God's plan, with Him who had guided the
Institute «by frustrating human plans»:
«... By means of spontaneous plans there is no doubt that the plan

of the Heart of Jesus was accomplished, for we were approved under
this title, as if the title were the seal on the work all composed of
negative acts. You do not know how great I think it is, and so I
trembled at realizing I was part of the scandal within it, because I am
afraid that the Heart of Jesus will ask a strict account of mc; not
because of doing foolish things through ignorance - 1 do not mind that,
and I know that He will make up for that. What I fear is to go against
His will through lack of mortification, self love, injustice, etc., and
above all through lack of charity...*32
«If the past could be forgotten and

I could be the same as everyone...*
During M. Pilar's stay in Rome M. Sacrcd Heart continued her

ordinary life, cut off from the affairs of government. The lack of letters
between the sisters prevents us from knowing exactly how their relationship
developed. On one occasion the General sent M. Sacred Heart to see a house
which seemed suitable to acquire. M. Pilar speaks of this in a letter to M.
Purisima, adding that Fr. Luis Martin, the General of the Jesuits had advised
her to give her something to do as a distraction. This was her only activity
which might be called a public act in the whole time she spent in Rome.
In M. Sacred Heart's letters at this time there is constant mention of
her desire to work; this she did at times by taking on simple domestic tasks,
and fulfilling her desire to share in the work of the community the same as any
other Sister. She wrote to M. Maria del Carmen Aranda:
«You must allow mc to say what I want to you. Mother, I have told
you on other occasions, I think, that I want to follow strictly the letter
of the Constitutions. As you know, they say that when anyone ceases
to occupy her charge she becomcs just a simple Sister in everything,

even though she may have been a Superior. So, why should that not
happen to me? ... If the past is forgotten and I become just the same
as the others, we would all be better and of some use in the Institute
... I repeat, how good that would be for my soul! Pray to the Sacred
Heart if it is for His greater glory, that my desires may be granted and
an end put to these compliments, and I may take part fully in religious
life. If the Institute wants to honour me, this is the greatest honour
I can be given. That other is, for me, a dishonour, a very great
one,..»33
She also wrote to M. Purisima:
«Anything which distinguishes me from the rest of the Sisters

displeases me very much, instead of pleasing me... Do you by any
ehanec think that distinctions console me at all? No, Mother. What
consoles me and fills me with joy is that each one fulfils her role to
the letter, because that is what pleases God most. So if you or the
Sisters here exempt me from what they call humble tasks, this is no
honour for me; it is the greatest dishonour you can offer me, for I do
not consider those tasks thus, but rather they are as great as the
greatest in the Congregation...* 34
There are some interesting points in these letters which reveal M.

Sacred Heart's knowledge of others. She remembered the asceticaL, mystical
discourses of M. Purisima whom she had warned of the danger of illusions in
1894: «With regard to the prayer you wish mc to offer for you, speaking with
the love I have for you in Jesus, I say that would be very dangerous in you, as
I have said many times and have never repented of it; I have only prayed, and
I pray with all my heart that Our Lord will hold you back in all your desires for
your own perfection and that of the Institute, and infuse real humility deeply
into your heart...* 35 M. Purisima did indeed tend towards heroic
exaggeration, and M. Sacred Heart very accurately pointed out this danger to
her even with regard to the Institute. Some of the letters which M. Purisima
wrote concerning the approval of the Constitutions showed this characteristic
tendency. In a letter to M. Pilar, speaking of the Institute and its members, she
once said that their way of life «shou!d remove them from the general run,
because filled with the spirit of God they would not be content with the usual
virtue of their state, but would aspire to the old way of life whieh had declined
33
34
Letter of July 1895.
35 Letter of 7th January 1894.
494 Partf o u r :1893-1925
so much in modern Institutes...* 36 It is true that she was only paraphrasing

some words of Fr. Bucceroni which as a consultor he referred to the
Constitutions. But they were very much her own style, and Bucceroni wrote
them under her inspiration. On another occasion in a letter to M. Pilar, M.
Purisima recounted with great joy and satisfaction that Fr. Bucceroni
considered they were martyrs and heroic in their observance of enclosure 37 .
It is understandable that a person like M. Purisima when speaking to
persons outside the Institute should be tempted to refer to the ex-General as
a victim. But M. Sacred was too simple and upright not to be repelled by this
kind of conversation, which in any case did not ring true to her. Hence the
following paragraph, also addressed to M. Purisima:
«Neither do I like talk about my virtue to persons outside. You

know well that I haven't any; I was going to say, I do not even know
it... But if, by God's mercy, I did have any, you know that virtue is like
the essence, and pillars have been brought down by praises, we should
keep silence about this, unless it is to help, if possible, the crossing of
the glass bridge of this miserable world blindfolded as most of us have
to do, except those who have practised the precious science of the folly
of the cross. You may pray as much as you like for that for me; and
instead of ever speaking about me, pray for my conversion^.
The detached, spiritual tone of most of M. Sacred Heart's letters reveal

a superior wisdom which raised her above the trivialities of life and helped her
to overcome her own limitations and those of others. But she was not
indifferent to the appreciation shown by others or to human affection. On one
occasion, writing to M. Maria del Carmen Aranda she strongly affirmed that
she hated compliments, but not sincere feelings; this is a beautiful letter which
shows us M. Sacred Heart as she always was:
«I am writing just as the poor do, when they need an alms. I want
to ask for your charity and that of the Sisters there between 4th and
13th of next month when we shall be making our Retreat, to see if
with your help I can now construct a good building. A miracle is
needed; but what would that cost for one who can do so much?
So, I don't want to be loved, etc.? What a shock we shall have when
we can see without shadows! If you had said "courtesy compliments" -
No, I hate those more every day; but when there is sincerity... Ay,
36
17
Letter written at the beginning of April 1894.

38 Letter of July 1895.
Mother!
And how is that martyr, Alfonsa? Yes, she is very close to my
heart. She does write to me, and today I am reading to myself a short
letter of hers; it is beautiful and full of substance! If I were but her
shadow in virtue and in everything! And she is suffering so much;
happy one. How ashamed I am going to be up there in the presence
of such holy Sisters! and I, so full of debts, in very good health, and
with everything to fill my soul as much as one could wish.
I know how your father is; I do not forget him, nor poor Pepa.
Your sister and servant in Christ embraces you and all in Jesus,
Mary of the S. Heart, A.C.I.
I commend myself to Fr. Smith if you see him, and to all and
everyone. I remembered M. Maria's sister very much on 18th, Is her
nephew persevering?®39
The year 1895 ended with no success for M. Pilar in finding a house
within the financial possibilities of the Institute. She wrote to M. Purisima 40 :
«The business here, just like all the rest, that is people want to sell, and they
even begin their dealings in earnest, and then the prices go up to where we
cannot reach... I am sorry to have to leave the poor things here in this sad
house (we hardly see the sun, and then only for a few minutes), and the house
is cramped and the foundation does not grow. We are looking for a rented
house, but even in this new district they are asking 2 to 3 thousand duros a
year. And who could pay that rent?... But in spite of having this natural
contradiction, I see something more: I think it is God Our Lord; we shall see
what the purpose is...» Shortly after that she wrote: «I have been suffering a
lot these days, with the death of Angelica R.I.P., the illnesses there, and still
being unable to get these creatures out of this sad, and I think unhealthy,
house, but I am trying not to be downcast* . Angelica was a novice who
made her vows in articulo mortis (at the point of death): «Last night she was
given Extreme Unction, and at 12.30 this morning she received Holy
Communion with a piece of host, and made her vows; or rather, M. Sacred
Heart and I said the formula between us; because I began, but as I could not
go on, M. Sacred Heart came and took the paper from me and read it with
that composure which you know she has on these occasions*42.
The business of the house was not the only failure of M. Pilar's stay
in Rome. She had wanted some corrections to be made in the Constitutions
39
Letter written at end of October 1895.
40
Letter of 5 th December,
41
Letter to M. Purisima, 12th December 1895.
42
Letter from M. Pilar to M. Purisima, 3rd November 1895.
500
Partf o u r :1893-1925
on some points which worried her. During the journey to Rome she had
spoken about it quite candidly to M. Maria de la Cruz, with the result that M.
Maria hindered her, and did all she could to prevent this. M. Maria dc la
Cruz's intervention succeeded in detaining M. Pilar and also made her see
more clearly her lack of liberty to act in the Institute.
M. General and M. Maria de la Cruz left Rome for Spain on 7th
January 1896. After stops in Barcelona, Saragossa, Bilbao, Vitoria and Ona,
they finally reached Madrid on 1st February. Then the greatest difficulties of
M. Pilar's period of government were beginning.
Chapter IV
TO BECOME LIVING FOUNDATIONS
M. Pilar would finally attain her fundamental position in the Institute

alter a painful pilgrimage not exempt from problems of eveiy kind. She was
foundress, just as her sister was, and her role had to be that of deepening the
foundations, orofallowing herself to be buried in order to support the whole
building. God had chosen them as the basic stones, and M. Sacred Heart had
by now occupied her place in the depths of the family house. Now before
becoming, m her turn, the living foundation of the building, M Pilar had to be
submitted to harsh blows.
The troubled decade of the Nineties
Even the circumstances of her time were going to be adverse to M

Pilar in her government. She took up the reins of the Institute well into the
nineties when politics, society and the economy were about to demand payment
or the optimistic years of the Restoration. The Handmaids had spread
throughout Spam, and life in the communities had to face the changes of a
country m such turmoil, very near to catastrophe. It was not easy to view the
wlhout anxiety at the beginning of the XXth century
A woman with great discretion was looking after a child who would be
king when he reached adolescence. But would the prudence of Maria Christina
and the peaceful turn of the parties in power be sufficient to ensure political
ki uPT , S°IUUOnS W C r e leSS d e a r ^ ^ e seriousness of the
problems which could be seen here and there in acts of violence of every kind
Canovas, the architect of the Restoration, was assassinated in 1897 The
following year the Treaty of Paris liquidated Spain's colonies at the price of an
atrocious contribution of blood1.
of t , ™ • A t t e ' ' h C , G nt aen Cr i a lo ff d c p r e s s i o n o f 1 8 8 6 ^ e increase of outbreaks
„ ^ ^ gave witness
2
to the impracticability and
meffectiveness of the Restoration system* .
One did not have to be a shrewd politician to see that things were
1 d i
^ J f ^ter of 1898
many Spaniards realize ... that in spite of her colonies Spain was
A. JUTGLAR, Ideologic y closes en la Espaha comemporanea (1874-1931).

498 Part four: 1893-1925
going badly in Spain in 1898, or rather, to see that they had been going badly
for some time. But not all Spaniards shared the views of the
«regenerationists», or at least they did not consider the idea viable or
necessary, although large numbers of the people rejected the leading minority
who had brought the country to disaster. There were some, like Joaquin Costa,
who preached economic reform and urged austerity, and there were some, like
Ganiver, who cast back longing glances to the past. Finally, there were some
who did not accept solutions for renewal and were content merely to criticise,
finding in their own analysis of the situation an excuse for new theories. But
the troubled, violent end of the century was also going to be fruitful.
Pessimism would be raised to the level of acsthctic crcation, and Spanish
literature would reach a peak in our modern history.
A change of direction was needed, and amid painful resistance it began
in almost all aspects of life. «Thus ended the critical XlXth century in Spain,
leading to a long period of radical ideological and social measures, forerunners
of the tragic militant encounter in the thirties of our century* 3 .
The timidly expressed claims of the Restoration years4, became
protests, strikes, demonstrations ... in the last years of the century... And there
was certainly cause for complaint: «While the whole world was plunged into the
exciting adventure of the XXth century, Spain was still a prisoner of out-moded
ways of life... If the calendars insisted that humanity had begun the twentieth
century of Christianity, it seemed that the reality of time was unknown within
Spanish fields. Two percent of proprietors possessed 47 percent of arable
land...*5 After the loss of the colonies much capital returned to Spain which
should have supported industry, but development was strongly influenced by the
importance of foreign personnel, patents for inventions and manufacture,
machinery, raw materials, etc. That wealth did not benefit the vast majority of
the people, especially in some regions 6 .
The last years of the century also saw a hardening of anticlerical
attitudes. The blindness or self-centredness of the middle classes was unaware
in most cases of the problems of large masses of Spanish people. A large
number of ecclesiastics were in positions near or within the middle classes,
which placed a difficult barrier between them and the people. Added to this
was the ignorance and the concerns of certain groups or movements which
provided all that was needed for a confrontation between clericals and
anticlericals. It cannot be known if the disturbances of the people - with
3
Ibid.
4
The Socialist Workers' Party was founded in 1879 by Pablo Iglesias.
5
TUNON DE LARA, op. cit.
® There was a whole series of strikes. In 1902 a general strike in Barcelona, and in Bilbao,
Cartagena, Malaga and San Sebastian...
C.4. To become living foundations 499
shouts, insults, blows, stoning - were less violent than the bitter discussions at
seemingly more cultured levels. One of the burning problems at this time, as
in the days of the Restoration, was the education of young children and youth.
In this area a fierce battle broke out far beyond the events and stories, a
struggle between world and Christianity. The struggle mainly involved the Free
Institute of Education, founded during the Restoration by Giner de los RJos
(1876) and Catholic education which covered 80 percent of the private sector 7 .
As Vicens Vives affirms, a good deal of the funds for education was applied to
«the spiritual reconquest of the middle classes and the leaders of the
country*8, but it is also a fact which is not sufficiently appreciated, that most
of the religious institutions were also dedicated to the education of the lower
classes, at least in the towns. Their educational centres certainly did not reach
great heights in teaching, but not much more could have been expected in a
country and at a time when illiteracy had reached appalling numbers 9 .
It is no exaggeration to say that the combined historic circumstances
influenced the development of events in M. Pilar's government. However much
she and her Assistants wished to remain aloof from politics, it was really
impossible to avoid them. Threat of war was going to keep the community in
Madrid in suspense, and it would affect the foundation in Azpeitia, with the
thought of it among other things as a possible refuge for the Novitiate of
Madrid. The finances of the Institute, already precarious, suffered a severe
blow with the depreciation of the Cuban assets after the loss of the colonies.
Anticlerical gatherings in the streets sometimes took place at the doors of the
house in Obelisk Parade (the first night of Electro)... We shall take a brief look
later on at some of these events which made M. Pilar's management more
difficult. She was a General who had to face up to those incidents with the
help of a team which completely mistrusted her ability and even her rectitude...
«... How completely we imitate our Master

by uniting adoration of Jesus exposed in
the Blessed Sacrament to teaching...*
When M. Pilar returned to Rome she began her visitation of the

communities. She had lost the optimism which inspired her first acts of
government, but her firm will to carry out what she believed to be her duty did
not falter. On 26th January 1896 the Church in Seville was inaugurated; the
house had been founded the previous year. In September of that year the
7
Cf. A. SF.VILLA, Political History of Spain.
8
Social ad Enconomic History of Spain and America.
In 1887 71,5% of Spaniards could not read or write. Cf. TUNON DE LARA.
500 Part four: 1893-1925
school was opened in Cadiz in a new building which housed the two
communities which had been in the town since 1894. Seville and Cadiz caused
M. Pilar many headaches, and still greater breaking of her will for one who was
so used to imposing her own ideas during the time of her sister's government.
The school in Cadiz was a real obstacle race. One year after opening, the old
building in which it was established was threatened with imminent ruin, and
there was no alternative but to abandon it. Some Assistants who were not
great supporters of education, or in general of anything new, began to grumble
in the face of all the difficulties, thinking they saw in them the plans of
Providence who was interfering with the development of this apostolic activity.
M. Pilar stayed firm; not with the obstinacy of previous years, but with a
firmness born of her faith, and she acted with hitherto unknown meekness. «...
Try to be grateful to God in whose blessed hands it is to shorten or lengthen
the trials even with miracles if we have the faith and confidence that He will
do it...»10
One of the most painful points of the Assistants' opposition to M.
Pilar's government was this resistance to schools; this was based on very varied
considerations. M. Maria de la Cruz was perhaps the greatest supporter of
tradition misunderstood; but the opinion expressed by her was shared in some
way by the other Consultors. M. Pilar's ideas on such an important matter are
clearly expressed in one of her letters.
«I don't know why it is, but I desire this education more and more;
I remember that my sister and I gave up the idea of becoming the
Carmelites to found a school b Cordova; and we saw God's will b
that then. So much so that when Fr. Urruela met the priests who
were guiding us and mentioned first the French Religious who were
not welcome b Seville on account of the revolutions, at our request
those priests asked that Institute to open a school. And the break with
them was caused because they did not fulfil this wish; at least that was
the obvious cause, although there were others. And when I consider
that the second guide given us by Our Lord was Fr. Cotanilla R.I.P.
who put schools at all costs b t o the small Constitutions he wrote for
us. And in spite of the difficulties which are raised against them, they
are still there ... I am following Our Lord's ways, and that encourages
me, considering how fully we are imitating our Master by uniting
adoration of Jesus exposed b the Bl. Sacrament with education...* 1
10
Letter to M. Lutgarda, superior of Cadiz, 13th July 1897,
11
Letter to M. Presentation Arrola, 6th July 1897.
The occupation which M. Maria de la Cruz considered profane, only

appropriate for «a very worldly age*, that is, teaching, was for M. Pilar so
important, so noble that it constituted «the special type of life of Our Lord
Jesus Christ, because it is said that the aim of his hidden life was to prepare
himself... for this holy mission of teaching..,*12 M. Pilar was not attempting
to minimize dedication to worship, that special proximity to the Eucharist, to
the real presence of Christ. On the contrary, she saw in Eucharistic prayer the
source of energy for the apostolate of education. «... When the Institute has
more personnel you will see how beautifully worship of the Blessed Sacrament
is linked with schools. Because the two ends will take turns; the weariness and
compassion for the little ones will be taken to the Royal Audience, and... then
the blessings and lights we have received in the Royal Audience will be taken
to the classes and the care of the children...*13
As we can see, the views of the General differed from those of the
Assistants, but even these were not just of one opinion. But they all agreed in
their fear which was at the root of all the difficulties at this time and which
showed great injustice towards M. Pilar. This caused them to see the danger
of what they considered her lack of attachment to «spiritual things* and her
excessive concern for worldly and profane activities spreading throughout the
Institute.
On one occasion Maria del Carmen Aranda wrote to M, Pilar
mentioning the calamities which befell the school in Cadiz in a tone almost
reproachful as she considered the providential nature of the events. She
suggested that perhaps God did not want that work in the Institute as so many
obstacles had arisen. M. Pilar's reply, which is very different from her old lack
of restraint, reveals better than anything else the maturing proccss at work in
her:
«... With regard to schools, it may well be that God does not want
them. But contradiction can mean not only that. The existence of the
Family is a proof. It was born out of contradiction, and it seems that
every vein of life that it receives from the blessed wound of the Heart
of its Master is preceded by a destructive earthquake. So much so
that when contradiction most perplexes mc, I do not give in.,.*1''
n
Ibid.
13
Ibid.
14
502 Partf o u r :1893-1925
«I am trying to master my character...*
At the time when M. Pilar was f i n d i n g her possibilities for action in the
government more and more restricted, the influence of M. Purisima with the
Assistants was becoming stronger. She was Superior of the house in Madrid,
Mistress of Novices, Instructress of Tertians as well as being Erst Assistant;
hence she not only had the threads of government of the Institute in her hands,
but she had almost unlimited means for creating opinions. And it may be said
that she took advantage of the occasions which were presented. What was M.
Purisima's aim as she gradually undermined the authority and prestige of M.
Pilar? We do not have to think that she had a bad intention, but it must be
admitted that she had a very high idea of her own qualities, and was
increasingly convinced that no one else could fulfil her role in the Institute.
Circumstances had contributed to strengthen this belief in M. Purisima. From
her early years she had been highly esteemed by the Foundresses and given
posts of responsibility by them. She had succeeded in retaining her reputation
as a «pillar of the Institute* throughout the pitiful events surrounding the
change of government from M. Sacred Heart to M. Pilar. In spite of M. Pilar
she had played the main part in drawing up the Constitutions and in the
negotiations for their approval. Now she was appearing as the safeguard of
those Rules in the eyes of Assistants filled with zeal for their observance and
fearful about a General whom they judged to be too liberal.
Moved with this idea the Assistants were about to oppose M. Pilar
beyond all reasonable limits. The General wanted to wrench from M. Purisima
some of the charges which gave her so much influence in the Institute. The
word «wrench» is not too strong to use here because M. Purisima and those
who supported her strove just as hard as M. Pilar was doing, only in the
opposite direction - to keep hold of all those charges. This might seem
incredible, but in fact neither side gave the true reasons. What M. Pilar wanted
was to reduce M. Purisima's influence, while the others wanted to ensure that
influence against that of M. Pilar. M. Maria del Carmen Aranda was in a
position half way between the two 15 . But even she mistrusted M. Pilar, or
rather her alleged lack of spirit 16 . It is unthinkable that the General's
conduct, even its most personal aspects, were constantly exposed to
observations and criticism. Nevertheless that criticism revealed her true virtues
in a way that the highest praise would not have done. M. Maria del Carmen
herself admitted that the Assistants had made a tremendous mistake in judging
that M. Pilar was not fond of prayer, for without it «she would not have been
able to practise those acts of humility, patience and mortification which 1 shall
^ M. Maria del Carmen Aranda explains her position in her History of M. Pilar.
16
Ibid.
speak of later, and which she had to practise continually...*17

As proofs of her "humility and patience*, M, Maria del Carmen
preserved several letters from M, Pilar: «My dear M. Maria del Carmen: I
received your letter yesterday. Thank God for your good journey. I was very
sorry because I realized how much it cost you to speak to me about that fault;
you do not know how much good this has done to me, and how I am accepting
these things more willingly each time; I hardly have to struggle now, and it
gives me fervour* 18 . From what follows it seems that Maria del Carmen had
remonstrated with her about some impetuous, rather biased statement she had
made. «One the other hand, I reap a benefit from speaking too vehemently,
because it does not help towards others having a good opinion of me, so I get
relief from the idea that it is better for me to show what I am than to gain
esteem without deserving it. I am trying to master my character, but that
comes from within; we shall see, because it is a difficult task, which involves
much strength and it is hard; let them pray there...* 19
«WIth my desires, which are very strong,

I work with everyone*
In Rome M. Sacred Heart was still dedicated to the task of writing her
story in the mind of God alone:
«I must be convinced once and for all that I was born to be saved;
that I belong to God; and as 1 am His, it is my will which is the strong
enemy which, for my perdition, struggles against the holy will of God.
I know how this holy will is revealed to me now, and so when I awake
and often during the day, I have nothing to do but say: "Take, O
Lord"... and accept what comes to me as from God's loving hand, for
I know by experience how much He loves me and has cared for me
since my birth; and always submit to the will of others. If it is hard
and dark, stir up my faith and trust and throw myself into the arms of
the One I know loves me so much, that is, God; and as I know by
experience, He will make me see his reason for giving me t h i s trial. I
must be firm in observance always; each day more perfectly; and apart
from that, allow myself to be managed by others, even though it seems
they make me walk backwards, and upside down. For as the ways of
the Lord are incomprehensible, He draws s t r a i g h t lines from crooked
17
Ibid.
18
504 Part four. 1893-1925
lines ...»20
«Yes, I must be firm in acting only for my God and wanting at all
costs to spend my life hidden from the eyes of all...»21
«I belong to God completely, and so He must deal with me as He

pleases... In every event I must always say: I belong to God...»
«... Accept all that is good with much gratitude, which I hardly
know; and esteem God's natural and supernatural gifts. And receive
the painful ones with much submission and gratitude as medicine for
my serious ills; and not attribute them to secondary causes, which
endangers charity»,
«... Great desire to follow Christ along the way of sorrows, even
though I may seem useless and worthless in the eyes of men, and they
despise me and leave me in this oblivion; I will do that while I see that
is God's will, in order to foment... Do I not belong to God? So, why
should I distrust His arrangements?®
«... Jesus does not want works, or lights or anything else from me
only death; death to all my wishes, to all my desires and to all my
opinions...®22
Anyone whose knowledge of M. Sacred Heart was limited to these

notes, might be tempted to believe that although her life was submitted to
God's will, she lived somewhat cut off from the concerns of human coexistence.
But this was far from the case. We find in those same writings the explicit
desire to be useful for others, to help, to understand:
«... At the Last Supper Our Lord said that we should love one
another as He loved us. The law of Moses said that we should love
our neighbour as ourselves; and even this more perfect love: to give
our life for Him as He gave His...; if we all resolved to please one
another and to bear with one another in silence, the world would be
a paradise...®23
«Jesus, of my heart, give me a large, magnanimous heart with room

only for your wonderful virtues, and close all doors through which all
cunning vices might enter, especially those against humility and
20
Spiritual notes, 38; probably of the year 1895.
21
Ibid., 39. Probably 1896.
22
Ibid., 41. Probably 1897.
23
Ibid., 38, 1895.
charity®.
«... Honour everyone in my heart, and desire to see them all
honoured; honour them exteriorly as much as I can, but always with
simplicity*24.
«Be very pleased to see everyone honoured, praised and loved, and
myself humiliated, despised and pushed aside, noticed only to be held
up to ridicule...*25
While M. Pilar was striving to govern the Institute and only half
succeeding because of the opposition of the Assistants, M. Sacrcd Heart was
making efforts to keep serene in her external inactivity, strengthening her
conviction that by accepting that unusual situation, so clearly permitted by God,
she was doing «the greatest work* she could do for Him. She had resigned
from being head of the Institute, but her motherhood could not be renounced.
All her desires for personal sanctity were also desires to share God's gift with
the Sisters. In a certain way she felt responsible for the holiness of the
Institute, and she interpreted her desire to collaborate with the mission of all
Handmaids by her efforts to accept the grace with generosity and to make it
fruitful.
«... I must renew with more fervour than ever my desires to be holy.
I must be holy at all costs, however hard it may be. God asks this of
me and the Congregation...* 26
«... I must be indifferent to whatever Our Lord wants to do with me

in this extraordinary life in which it seems He wants to lead me. It is
painful for mc; I would prefer to work...*
«... I will pray very earnestly for the salvation of souls. I'll take no
rest from this resolution,..* 27
All the desires she expresses for the Institute in her spiritual notes can
also be seen in the letters which she wrote throughout those years to various
Sisters. «Forget! Not now, or before, or ever! You are bone of my bone and
flesh of my flesh...* she said to one of the most senior Handmaids 28 . «I
always pray for you and for everyone, although you think I don't, and I love you
24
Ibid., 41, 1897.
25
Ibid., 40, 1896.
26
Ibid., 40, 18%.
27
Ibid., 42, 1898.
Letter to M. Maria de Jesus, 31st July 1895.
506 Part four: 1893-1925
as only God knows» 29 .
«I ask Our Lord many times a day to increase zeal for His glory in
the Congregation and to experience hardships for love of Him, if that
can be called hardship which is done with so much pleasure. Blessed
be the Heart of Jesus, who chose us, although unworthy, chose us to
give Him a little glory, each one according to His wise plans. I am not
doing anything in any literal sense, but with my desires, which are very
strong, I work with everyone, and go much further than that, as Our
Lord knows*30.
«Although I do not write to you or to anyone else, I write at great

length in the Heart of Jesus in letters which will never be erased,
because it is in the writing which He Himself taught us» 31 .
«How much I remember with a contrite

and repentant heart in the presence of Our Lord...!»
Day after day, year after year, the figure of M. Sacred Heart as
General Superior of the Institute was fading from the memory if not from the
heart of many. Nevertheless it was growing, not only in God's eyes, but also
in the minds of those persons who had special reasons for knowing the true
greatness of the one who had, without any bitterness, accepted a life in such
dark obscurity.
Among those persons was M. Pilar. It is a fact that she had believed
some of the tales of the so-called unbalanced state of her sister, but in the
depths of her heart she not only admired her, but she felt blameworthy for the
great sufferings she had borne with heroic fortitude. M. Pilar, emotional, but
noble by nature, expressed her contrition on many occasions, saying that many
of her sorrows were not too strong a medicine for her previous errors. In a
letter to M. Maria del Carmen Aranda, in reply to some advice given her, she
poured out her spirit:
«If humiliation and the repentance I feel within me did not close my
lips, and the knowledge I have of myself in the presence of God, I
would return to you still more insistently many reproaches that have
Letter to M a r i a del Carmen Aranda, 24th November 1895.

30
Letter to M . M a r i a de la Cruz, 12th December 1897.
31
Letter to M . Purisima, 29th October 1898.
been made to me... But I dare not defend myself knowing that I
deserve still greater punishment than my present circumstances are
providing; and sometimes when I speak I cannot hold myself back, and
also even when I write, and I do not want to risk being uncharitable
or imprudent; so I leave it to God, if he wishes, to illumine your
understanding with all the light which experience, helped by His grace,
is giving me... And, that you may not be grieved by my sufferings, I tell
you that my Master and Lord (no doubt on account of my weakness)
is treating me with forbearance and kindness... and so I am obliged
each day to clasp those blessed feet like a slave, which is the place
which gives me most devotion; I have no other desires, neither do I
want them. He bears with me, encourages ne and excuses me... So,
don't feel sorry for me, but tell Him that I want to serve Him freely,
and as Kempis says, in everything and above everything created* 32 .
In this long letter, of which we quote only fragments, M. Pilar, without

saying so, seems to be thinking of the attitude of King David when insulted by
Shimei (2 Sam. 16,11-12). The memory of M. Sacred Heart was alive in her
repentance, but it would become more and more obvious as time went on.
«... Oh, Sister, neither you nor anybody who is not involved in it can
understand the hidden snags of internal government! How much I
remember with a contrite and repentant heart in the presence of Our
Lord, Da. Rudesinda! 33 The consolation is that what is hidden from
the eyes of creatures, is evident to those divine eyes of Him who wills
everything, and what is more desirable, our destiny too. Being grateful
to Him is everything; may I succeed and make good use of those lights
which I think He is giving me!...*34
When M. Sacred Heart was offering to Our Lord the martyrdom of

her inactivity, the emptiness of those seemingly useless years, she probably did
not suspect that the remembrance of her, the reality of her suffering was
liberating her sister from her old errors, was helping her to strike deep roots
in the soil of humility. If she had known that, M. Sacred Heart would have
received the greatest human compensation which could have been offered her
in this world.
Among all M. Pilar's letters of this time there is perhaps none more
impressive than the following:
32
33
M. Sacred Heart.
34
Letter to Maria del Carmen Aranda, 8th August 1896.
508 Part four: 1893-1925
«About my not communicating with sufficient trust: Certainly, I do

not hide anything from them 35 , not only about what concerns the
Family, but even about many of my own affairs. But when I have
evidence (which I do not wish to entrust to the post) that those who
should help me and act without bias, are prejudiced against me, and
before they give their opinion or speak about anything, they comc to
an agreement among themselves, not seeking light, for each one has
someone to guide her, but to support each other, etc., etc...36
Sometimes also I have turned to approved persons whom we all
trust, and 1 see from their replies their prejudice and how badly
informed they are about mc. I saw all this coming and 1 wanted to do
something to prevent it; not for myself, for what am I? but for the
Family, that it might be, or begin to be, well founded. The Master did
not want it to succeed. Well, blessed be He for everything! And my
faith is increasing that He will provide the remedy as He alone knows
how and can, because I say as on other occasions: need and the
general innocence cry out to heaven, and what does the Master of all
want but contrite, humbled hearts who trust in Him for everything, and
who hope for it from Him? And there are some, and very pleasing,
I think, but very few like Da. Rudisinda in her situation* 3 .
«How can I not mention that I remember you?»
The correspondence between the two Foundresses during the years

1896 to 1898 show, in the first place that M. Sacred Heart did not harbour any
bitterness about her time in government, and that M. Pilar strove to show the
affection which in earlier years had been obscured by her vehement
temperament; secondly, that M. Sacred Heart was unaware then of the
difficulties her sister was suffering, and which M. Pilar did not want to reveal
for the time being. M. Pilar's reserve can be explained for several reasons.
She had previously shown great opposition, and it was natural that she should
now find it difficult to confide in her sister (was she moved by shyness, timidity
or by shame?). It is possible that the General acted through fear of increasing
her sister's tension, because from reports arriving from the Superiors in Rome
it seemed that she was restless or nervous. But this is not likely, when M. Pilar
wrote to M. Sacred Heart she did it quite naturally, mentioning facts and giving
35
She means the General Assistants.
36
The paragraph is incomplete, but its sense is clear.
37
Letter to M. Maria del Carmen, 12th February 1897.
reasons which would only be given to a completely well-balanced person.

As well as giving news of the Institute - illnesses, deaths, foundations -
and items concerning the family - brothers, nephews etc. - M. Pilar was careful
to let M. Sacred Heart know that she was remembered with affection by
persons known to her: «Don Jose Ibarra, Don Manuel and Don Jos6 Varo ask
to be remembered to you...*38 «I saw Isabelita in Cadiz... You should wriLe
to her often...* «You have no idea how much the nephews and nicces ask
me about you... and how much they would like to see you* 40 «Don Isidro
answered my greetings for his feast day, and asked me to tell you that wc are
among the chicf persons whom he prays for... Don Jesus, the one from La
Coruna, asks or begs me to write to you; he remembers you always and offers
his prayers and sacrifices for you, and wants you to write to him. Fr. G6mez
from here 41 asks about you with great interest, and says he thinks very highly
of you...*42
Among all the messages sent by M. Pilar, some are especially touching:
«My dear sister: I have been wanting to answer you for some days, but I don't
know where to find the time. But today I must make an effort because Sr.
Victoria asks me to tell you that she is very near the end, and she is counting
on your love to have only a short time in purgatory. She wanted to write to
you herself, but after being in bed she has no strength, and is becoming worse
each day, so it is impossible for her to write. This is quite true, and today 1 can
see signs of death; they say she is like Maria Tabernero. Thank God she is an
angel, and as edifying as you can imagine...*43 How much they loved M.
Sacred Heart when they trusted in her love even beyond death!
The hub of the difficulty of M. Sacred Heart's situation in Rome was
the apparent uselessness of her life. M. Pilar wrote to her: «I am sorry that
you are asking me for a charge. As far as I am concerned you would have had
one long ago, but they say that the good of the Institute is the first
consideration, and it would not help to occupy you in this way... I think I am
learning a little bit about wanting things now, and I think we must stop being
anxious. Long-suffering, patience and bearing everything by looking at God is
what 1 would like to acquire...* 44 M. Sacred Heart's reply throws a clearer
light on her desires: «In the letter which you wrote from Seville you say that
° Letter of 8th April 1896.

39
Letter of I6th November 1896.
40
U t t e r or 25th November 1896.
41 She was in Valladolid.
42
43
Letter begun on 17th and finished on 18th March 1897. She was speaking of Sr. Maria de
Santa Victoria who died on 19th March 1897.
510 Part four: 1893-1925
I asked you for a charge. If I did, I did not explain myself well. I do not want
you to give me any charge, but to give orders - that is what I wanted to say -
that there must be no distinctions or exemption from the common charges. To
be the same as everyone in everything; that is what I want, and I have told you
and M. Superior and M. Assistant many times, and even Fr. UrrSburu when he
was here, so that he could do something about it; and he thought that was right
because that is the spirit of the Society... But having said that, I am at peace,
but not without suffering, because I see how little esteemed are the humble
things of religious life not done by our own will, but subject to discipline, which
imparts such a sweet aroma and no vainglory*''5.
The complete ignorance about matters of government in which the ex-
General was kept was a great cross for her, and sometimes she sought relief
in M. Pilar. She was not to blame for judging her sister at times with facts
belonging to other occasions. She once spoke with great liberty about her
immoderate desire for change: «Be assured that the same happens in Institutes
as in governments... When the government upholds discipline according to
established laws and not according to its own desires, it is respected and loved,
and subjects submit with joy because they know its limits and how far it will go.
But when they give in one day, and change the plan tomorrow, or agree to one
and refuse another, a certain dislike and ill-feeling is produced because we are
human, and this tortures the soul* 46 . In fact, by this time, M. Pilar had
experienced herself the consequences of her decisions; but very often she had
no freedom, being limited in her actions as she was by the Assistants.
In the summer of 1897 M. Pilar wrote to the community in Rome
telling them of the foundation in Valladolid, which she had mentioned to her
sister some months before. A letter from M. Sacred Heart is most likely
r e f e r r i n g to this matter: « I like foundations very much because it is the means
for vocations. If only we could get started here! We are at such a standstill
here, it is a shame! No vocations, and even those there are, and they are so
useful, it is a pity they are not there giving glory to God by working hard, which
is the right thing for young people, and what we all desire...*47
When she heard the name of the Superior of Valladolid M. Sacred
Heart wrote: «What dull Superiors you are putting in. Redenci6n is holy and
wise; but... will she do any business there? Don't keep Maria del Salvador any
longer, she is worth a lot...*48 M. Pilar answered: «Do you think that Maria
del Salvador is well? I sent her to Seville where she has been all right for
almost a year, but three months ago she began to get weak... She was very
45
Letter of 9th Januaty 1897.
46
Ibid.
47
Letter written at end of September 1897.
48
Ibid.
happy and content there, but now, as I said, she is suffering again, and so am
I seeing her like that. What can we do? In Valladolid, to make up for
Redenci6n, there are Gertrude, and Guadalupe and a niece of Consolation...
If only I could make use of Maria del Salvador...®49
There is frequent mention of the circumstances of the house in Rome
and the limitations of M. Patrocinio in M. Sacred Heart's letters to M. General:
«All this that I am saying is for you only, because I think you should know it
as a help to you». She said this when speaking to M. Pilar about a series of
details which showed her tendency to neglect some points which could have a
negative influence on the apostolic character of the Institute 50 . M. Pilar
answered: «With regard to Patrocinio, I know she'U never set the world on fire;
but it is good for Superiors to be reliable and patient as she is... That place is
very inconvenient, and the worst is that God does not provide money for any
other; for the alms there is small and the Congregation is not getting richer; no
doubt because that is a help for solid spirituality, for abundance brings vanity,
especially to the new people. So, I am quite resigned, and content at seeing
ourselves so lacking in necessary things* ,
To bring to a conclusion this rapid glance at the letters, we shall gather
the greetings which the sisters sent to each other in 1897. On the eve of the
feast of the Sacred Heart, M, Pilar wrote: «... I wrote as far as this yesterday,
and now it will arrive just for your feast which is the chief object. Not because
I like compliments between ourselves, but how can I not say that I remember
you? You will not doubt that, but I add, I remember you more than anybody
and with greater interest* 52 .
In October M. Sacred Heart sent a short greeting to M. General: «P11
be thinking of you very especially on the feast of Our Lady of the Pillar, and
I'll pray that Our Lord may accept from her hands all your works which are
worthy in His eyes and that you may receive the reward. Now nothing more,
except to say that if one day we must cross the far-off seas, your sister in Jesus
is ready. Mary of the Sacred Heart of Jesus A . C J .
And there was even something more. The thoughts contained in a
letter from M. Pilar may be added to the foregoing: «... With much sorrow I
sec your situation, but I look at God at the same time; He is never outdone,
and I accept all for myself and for you, and soon we shall see and know
49
Letter of 4 th October 1897.
50
It seems that the house in Rome was in a rather special situation compared with the rest
of the Institute; the community lived very much enclosed in itself. This perhaps was because most
of the Sisters were Spanish. As M. Sacred Heart pointed out on several occasions, this obliged
them to study the language.
51
52
Letter from M. Pilar, 19th June 1897.
512 Part four: 1893-1925
everything in truth, which is justice. How much good we are going to see
there !»53
«... These knotty problems are in omnipotent hands...*
At the beginning of April 1898 M. Pilar arrived in Rome. She went

to visit the community and to try once again to buy a house. She chose a bad
time for her journey. The threat of war seemed imminent. The tension in
Cuba, where concessions granted the previous year had not proved sufficient,
was inevitably leading to armed conflict which finally broke out towards the
end of April. In Spain, people did not fully realise the situation until the
Spanish squadron was wiped out almost as soon as the war was declared by the
United States 54 .
In Rome the international news greatly alarmed M. Pilar. Speaking
of her visitation of the community she wrote: «I have thought only of doing
what I have to do here, and tomorrow DV I shall finish; and I cannot be at rest
on account of the situation in Spain, for I think wc should meet, and hear some
competent opinions and take measures so as not to be unprepared* 55 . The
General's fears were centred in part on the insecurity of the Novitiate in
Madrid. She wrote to M. Purisima: «With the advice I have been given, and
by what I can see, I think we shall have to move the Novitiate from Spain* 56 .
M. Pilar had another fear, and it was not unfounded. M. Maria de la Cruz
wrote «M. General was alarmed on account of the war, because she had many
investments in Cuba and she thought everything would be lost... and then we
would not be able to go on* 57 .
On 8th May the General was in Bilbao. Once again she had had to
leave the problem of the house in Rome unsolved. «... It is a great pity
because there is no way of improving, after all that has been spent, which is
sad; and on top of that, the Cardinal Protector, to whom we owe so much, is
suffering and asking that the house in Rome be helped with money and Novices
from Spain... But all these knotty problems are in omnipotent hands which love
us. So, He will see, and we can only adapt ourselves to circumstances* 58 .
She arrived in Madrid on 12th, and three days later, with the Assistants they
53
See: Historia de Espana Alfaguara VI, p. 374. The Liberal Sagasta was ruling Spain at this
time. Alfonso XIII was a boy of 12 years.
55
Letter to M. Maria de la Cruz, 30th April 1898.
56
Letter to M. Purisima, 1st May 1898.
57
Chronicles in, p. 54.
58
Letter to Maria de los Santos, 3rd June 1897.
discussed the idea of moving the Novitiate to France. After some unpleasant
attempts, the plan never became more than a project; but the discussions
turned into a new stage in the process which would end with the separation of
M. Pilar from the government of the Institute.
Shortly after her arrival in Spain she wrote to M. Sacred Heart: «We
must make up our minds if we desire to serve God better than we usually do
that He has to lead us through paths of extraordinary difficulty, without
anybody's fault... This is a great help for me to bear the troubles which God
grants me, for they are not lacking, as you may suppose... Life passes, we too,
and all that we have suffered as well as we can, and the One who is going to
reward us is God. What happiness!* 59
The worries of government were surrounding M. Pilar at this time.
With the best will in the world she was trying to face up to difficulties,
deepening the roots of humble faith which truly freed her from past errors and
from present limitations. And the moon waxed and waned over her Garden
of Olives announcing her passion and her pasch.
The letters written by M. General to her sister became more and more
confidential. «And why shouldn't I write to you? If I do not, God knows the
reason, and also how little time I have. Very soon ... some mysteries will be
solved which are better not touched now, because I do not know how to explain
them, but God will do so, because He can. Oh, ... let us persevere to the end,
each one on the cross to which He has nailed us, so that we may be holy at all
costs; there He makes us capable of this infinite grace!* 60
M. Pilar wanted to move the Novitiate to Bordeaux, and she saw it was
absolutely necessary to replace M. Purisima as Mistress of Novices. The
Assistants firmly opposed this plan of the General. With Fr. Urraburu's advice
she was involved in this matter, when another difficulty arose: the school in
Cadiz; the old building which had been vacated because of threatened ruin,
began to collapse. The Town Council then threatened to demolish it
completely. That was a great financial loss, just in the very year in which their
investments in Cuba had been lost or had depreciated. From Cadiz the
General wrote to her sister: «I have come here for the demolition of the
building, because the Council has ordered it; this is a great sorrow and a
difficulty which I hope the Lord will acccpt in repayment for my faults and the
sorrow I have caused you and others without meaning to do so» 61 . The
following year, after a series of controversies within the General Council, the
house in La Coruna was closed, and the community was moved to Salamanca.
The Tabernero family once again favoured the Institute with their generosity.
59
60
Letter of 22nd August 1898-
61
Letter of 21st October 1898.
514 Partf o u r :1893-1925
When M. Sacred Heart heard of this she wrote to M. General: «May God
reward D. Fulgencio for his beautiful alms, and D. Juanito for his good help
towards buying the house, and may the Lord grant that this house repays the
one in La Coruna by the prosperity of the school and the health of the Sisters,
for they suffered a lot there in both ways... May the Lord grant this, although
the happy death of many in La Coruna is a consolation as it is for the Sisters
everywhere, we feel the loss of many who are so young*62.
«... God permits me to be deprived of liberty*
The progressive reconciliation in the relationship between the two

sisters resulted in the confidential statement which M. Pilar made to her sister
in December 1899. She had been to San Juan de Luz for financial business -
D. Isidro Ortiz Urruela had some investments there - and she wrote from
there. She was answering a series of comments made by M. Sacred Heart about
the Superior of the house in Rome:
«Do not be afraid either of God or of me for telling me what you

feel. You have to speak to some one, and it all stays secret with me,
so that no one loses anything and it stays within the Congregation,
which is what we must ensure at all costs. 1 tell you I am hoping to
go there soon, and then I'll see about Patrocinio; but, in confidence I
say, ... that God does not allow me to enjoy any liberty.
I feel this sorrow and difficulty, rightly or wrongly, I don't know, but
I do realise that you and I must remove these obstacles with
mortification and the practice of many virtues; and don't think there
is any other way. I think of the first saints in religious life, and I see
they travelled the same road, and I accept the saying of St. Teresa that
more is done by suffering than by doing...
Having made this declaration to you, which is still less painful than
what I bear in my heart, in greatest confidence, let us in these holy
days cling on to the blessed Child, asking that He may hasten his
coming with the most radical and efficacious remedy that He can
bring; and if I am to blame He will act with mercy and graccs to help
me bear His adorable ways; first of all because I have always wanted,
and still want now, to be the most devoted and sincere Handmaid, and
. . . . A:'!
to die in this grace when it pleases God* .
62
63
M. Sacred Heart replied at once. She realised fully her sister's difficult
situation. It may be said that from that moment she forgot her own sufferings,
and thought only of how to lessen those of M, Pilar. As part of that help,
which she would like to have been completely efficacious, she included some
specific advice regarding M. General's behaviour with the Assistants and with
the Superior in Rome.
«My dear sister: I received your letter from San Juan de Luz, M.
Patrocinio brought it to me herself, hoping it was for her. I opened it
in front of her, and when she saw that she did not have one, she was
upset... Write to her, and for goodness' sake, don't let what I have said
as help to you, cause you to stop communicating with her and settling
what you think you should do. When you write to me I would like you
not to send it direct to me always, but through her, or through
someone else. We must avoid any appearance of mistrust.
As you are going to come here, I think you ought to know that no
one here wants to go out to gain the jubilee indulgence (I heard this
in recreation); I tell you this so that if you agree, you do not suggest
it... Even more, I think that before you come, you ought to say to M.
Superior beforehand that she should find out how persons who do not
go out may gain the indulgence, so that we may do the same. This
would make a good impression here and there .
I also want to let you know that they do not like or want to see any
of the places of devotion around here, so that you may think it best to
say nothing when you come; because they are not keen, or rather, they
do not want it. You will be sorry about this but what can we do!
When I see things somewhat confused, I keep to the fulfilment of
the rules as far as I can, for this is what will benefit me in the next
life, and so I keep calm even though the waves reach the sky. Because
nothing can touch the soul of one who sacrifices all to fulfil the Lord's
will by observing what he wants; and, without any doubt, it must
redound for the good of the Congregation. As the first ones in the
Institute we are called to sacrifice ourselves for it and to carry the
others with us.
... Write to M. Patrocinio; she must not lose her trust in you.
I embrace you, your sister Maria del Sagrado Coraz/m de Jesus »65.
64 She means the community in Rome and the General Council; in both groups there was
scrupulous observance of the enclosure, a point on which M. Pilar was often criticised.
65 Letter of 31st December 1899.
Chapter V
A DIFFICULT CHANGE OF CENTURY
«... To expiate my conduct towards

my poor predecessor.„»
In February 1900 M. Pilar went again to Rome; this time with her
Secretary. She told the Assistants of her decision to make this journey, saying
that she wanted to try again to purchase a house. The Assistants suspected
that she had other aims; and indeed she had. For one thing, she wanted to see
for herself the conditions of that community and of its Superior; but, above all,
she wanted to speak in confidence to the Cardinal Protector about her situation
in government.
The interview took place a few days after her arrival. The Cardinal
began to stress the absolute need to move the community to a healthier
dwelling place. Then the General confessed that after her experience in
making the previous foundations she had not dared to take a step unless the
Assistants knew of it beforehand. Mazzella was dismayed, but he decided to
inquire into the facts at once. He wrote to M. Purisima on 25th February
asking her to explain to him what was happening, because she would be well
informed, and to say how she and the other Assistants were feeling1. After
receiving the letter, M. Purisima consulted Fr. Urr&buru about its meaning, and
how far she should reply. He told her that she should explain the situation
clearly. He added: «That cannot go on like this», and said that he felt totally
incapable of continuing to give advice in this affair 2 .
While M. Purisima was preparing in Spain her report for the Cardinal,
he was being informed by M. Pilar. What had happened in the foundations in
Burgos and Salamanca? Nothing new in reality. But the question which was
at the heart of all their difficulties had reached the extreme in these cases. The
Assistants had been much opposed to the idea of moving the house from La
Coruna to Salamanca, and even more opposed to the foundation in Burgos.
In her closure of the house in La Coruna they thought they saw that M. Pilar
gave too much importance to the school, and this fear was evident in the
discussion of the General Council3. In M. Pilar's desire for a foundation in
Burgos, the Assistants saw an excuse for moving from Madrid the house
' The Cardinal spoke of his surprise at M. Pilar's statements.

2
3
Minutes of Council Meetings, 19th June 1899.
C.5. A difficult change of century 517
dedicated to the Third Probation. And even more, they suspected that was the
first step towards removing M. Purisima from her many charges and duties.
The series of meetings which preceded the foundations in Burgos and
Salamanca had given M. Pilar a chance to reconsider her previous behaviour.
She wrote to Fr. Urr^buru: «I calm down and humble myself in the presence
of Our Lord, and now I have no complaints in my heart either for Him or to
tell you, because I deserve this and all that troubles and tortures me to expiate
my behaviour towards my poor predecessor; that is, I see how hard I was, and
how rashly I judged her» 4 . The tone of these words reveals M. Pilar's sincere
humility.
In another letter she tells Fr. Urrdburu of a dramatic sccne. It was
during the discussions about the proposed foundation in Burgos. In the
Council meeting held on 1st December 1899 M. General handed her Secretary
a note for her to read while the others listened on their knees: «As I am afraid
that I may not have sufficient control of my feelings to say what I want, I have
written it down for my Secretary to read. In all good faith I thought a clearly
expressed opinion was the same as a vote; but now I understand that it is not,
so I ask your pardon for undertaking that business, which is what I remember
I have done; and if there is anything else, I include that. And now, realising,
as I said, that there must be a ballot, and that you are not in favour of the
foundation in Burgos at present, I cease to take any further steps».
M. Pilar continued her letter to Fr. Urriburu: «I knelt down, Father
(and they all did the same) as an act of humility; these exterior acts embarrass
me very much, and I had struggled since yesterday to overcome that in order
to obtain from our Lord light for my understanding, and to make up for the
bad treatment I gave my poor sister at one time, because I acted like that when
I dealt with her without respect. What sorrow! Let us sec if Our Lord is
satisfied now and puts an end to this. And although I remembered that you say
that Superiors should not humble themselves in this way before their subjects,
I was not afraid of doing wrong because it was on account of their
accusations...*5
Naturally, the accusation which the Assistants brought against M. Pilar
was that of acting behind their backs.
Death of Mazzella and the intervention of Fr. La Torre
M. Purisima, in answer to Cardinal Mazzella, told him that she was

almost completely withdrawn from the government, because she saw that she
4
5
Letter of 1st December 1899. The house in Burgos was founded in June 1900.
518 Part four: 1893-1925
was a hindrance for M. Pilar. Then the Cardinal decided that they should meet
in Rome and try to settle their differences. When M. General was informed
of the Protector's decision she ordered the Assistants to be called6. But the
Cardinal became seriously ill and he died on 26th of that month when the
Assistants were in Madrid about to begin their journey.
Then M. Pilar asked advice of Fr. La Torre S J., Assistant General for
Spain, and informed Madrid so that the Mothers would set out on their journey
and meet her in Rome so that all might be instructed about their duties with
regard to the government. At the beginning of May each Assistant was able
to speak to Fr. La Torre telling him everything they thought relevant. When
these conversations were finished the Jesuit spoke to them all together. M.
Maria de la Cruz wrote: «lt was quite clear that he saw the weak points in
each one, for he gently made it clear in a suitable way»7. Maria del Carmen
Aranda took notes of his explanations, which could be summed up as an
instruction on the role of the General and of the Assistants and their way of
acting, both with a consultative vote as well as with a deliberative vote.
M. Pilar wrote: «... Thank God for the advice given us yesterday by the
Sr. Ancianito 8 . Although it was solid gold, I do not think it was sufficient; but
who knows? ... And in the last resort, God is living, He is omnipotent, iust, and
He loves us; and Mother? I don't know... If it came from His side!»
The Assistants returned to Spain on 1st June, but M. Pilar still stayed
in Rome for a time. In June Fr. La Torre gave in writing the advice he had
offered in his talks. First came general guidelines, which became specific and
clear: «M. General governs. The Assistants assist her in her government by
their advice. The General should value, should desire and seek advice from the
Assistants... The Assistants should consider well before God the advice they
have to give... They should not influence one another, or attempt to make
others think alike... When the vote is deliberative, M. General should follow
the majority... M, General appoints the Instructress with the advice of the
Assistants; but they should not insist that she choose the one they consider
suitable for the post. Speaking clcarly, I would say that b my opinion they are
not right to want the Mistress of Novices to be Instructress of the Third
Probation as well, or to have the Instructress under the Mistress of Novices b
order to direct her...»
Perhaps Fr. La Torre did not realise how close he had come to putting
his finger on the wound. In fact, even a blbd person could have seen that the
6
Letter to M. Maria de la Cruz, 7th March 1900.
7
Chronicles III, p. 439.
o
The name used for Fr. La Torre.
o
Letter to Maria de los Santos, 24th May 1900. M. Pilar referred to the Institute sometimes
as «Mother», sometimes as the «Famiiy».
Assistants were excessive in their desire to keep M. Purisima as the sole pillar
of the Institute.
«If this house does not change...»
While the Assistants and M. Pilar were in Rome they had time to
observe the Superior, M. Patrocinio Diaz. Did M. Sacred Heart perhaps dare
to speak to them about what she had written of her own thoughts? «Unless
this house changes it will not survive. It seems to me, by what I can see, that
neither M. Patrocinio nor M. Julia can do it alone... This house is like the one
in Obelisk Parade at the beginning, so it needs to have a person in charge who
is well imbued with the spirit of the Institute, with experience, and with some
zeal to inject the spirit it should have, for it is called to give life to the Institute
here in Italy just as the house in Obelisk Parade was called to give it in
Spain..,»1Q M. Sacred Heart acknowledged that the Superior was a very good
woman, and she had said so at other times to M. General, but she also saw a
sort of timidity which made her unsuited for the work of p l a n n i n g or of
conquest.
About this time M. Patrocinio was almost disabled by rheumatism
which had become more serious in Rome. Her continual pain gave rise to her
disinclination for works suitable for a house which should be opening a way for
the Institute in Italy; and which besides should be a focal point of ecclesial life
for all Handmaids. The Eternal City had been the object of the desires of the
two Foundresses for years. M. Sacred Heart still remembered the impressions
of her first visit, her delight as she walked through «the narrow streets*, and
«comtemplated the blackened walls»; she still felt the lively devotion which the
«holy city» inspired in her, watered as it was with the blood of so many
martyrs. M. Patrocinio was a shcerely devout woman, but her devotions were
rather ethereal. M. Sacred Heart had said to her sister: «she does not wish or
desire to see the places of devotion*11. This was not an exaggeration. Wc
know from a letter of M. Patrocinio herself to M. Pilar some years before she
had refused to allow some Sisters in Rome who had not seen the Pope, to go
to an audience 12 .
M. Pilar and the Assistants were in Rome at the time of the
canonization of St. Rita of Cascia (24th March 1900). On the eve M. Pilar
arranged that M. Sacred Heart should go with the Novices to St. Peter's
Basilica. M. Patrocinio commented to one of the Assistants that she thought
10
Letter to M. Margarita Varo, November 1899.
11
Cf. Letter of 31st December 1899.
12
520 Pait four: 1893-1925
that unnecessary excursion was a bad way to encourage observance in the

house. And the Assistant listened to the Superior's remark and kept it in her
heart as one more proof of M. Pilar's behaviour, «so contrary to the spirit of
prayer, retirement and recollection in which we were trained*. Those words
in quotation marks are taken from a paragraph written by M. Maria del
Carmen Aranda about the General 13 .
As we said before, M. Pilar and the Assistants observed M. Patrocinio.
M. Pilar was becoming sure that M. Sacred Heart's opinion of her was correct.
The Assistants, seeing that the Superior was fond of recollection, and such a
lover of observance, that above all she was eager to defend the enclosure,
formed an opinion that was more and more favourable. So they believed that
she was irreplaceable, even though they could not deny her diminished physical
condition. On the other hand, the community loved her and appreciated her
positive qualities. Besides, as they were all somewhat affcctcd by the
atmosphere of the house, they did not regard the Superior's faintheartedness
as a defect.
In those circumstances the possibility of removing M. Patrocinio from
her post was almost Utopian. The Assistants had decided to support her in a
way similar to that in which they stood by the accumulation of posts for M.
Purisima. The «religious spirit* was at risk, and in such a matter they were
inflexible. But there were differences, based on the character of the persons
concerned. M. Patrocinio, probably, did not overestimate her gifts, and in any
case, she would never have opposed M. Pilar in person 14 .
M. Pilar left Rome in the middle of June. Besides the Secretary she
was accompanied by the Superior. She wrote to the Assistants some days
before: «... I am thinking of taking Patrocinio; 1st, because why should we not
do something for her?; and 2nd. I see that she cannot carry on with the post
of Superior; for she can only walk with the help of two Sisters...; 3rd. because
I do not think I should put up with the kind of reproachcs made because I have
not sent her to the baths...*
In Rome M. Sacred Heart witnessed, and was much impressed by, the
reactions of some members of the community on account of the Superior's
journey. She wrote in a letter to M. Margarita Varo:
«There has been a kind of revolt against obedience here with the
departure ofM. Patrocinio for Spain. There has been murmuring, and
13
From a letter to Fr. Urriburu, 2nd June 1900.
14
M. Patrocinio bore her ill-health for many years with patience and fortitude. She died in
Bolonia on 30th March 1927 after a painful illness, She had two terms as Superior in the house
in Rome: 1895-1904 and 1916-18.
judging, and attempts at investigating the right of M. General to move

her; and in the end they were consoled by the fact that because she is
Mistress of Novices she cannot remove her, especially as you support
her, and she cannot be moved without your vote. I was distressed, and
although I took no notice at first, because I was afraid of being
influenced by flesh and blood; but I thought it was my duty to say
something about the second; so I showed a part of the letter of St.
Ignatius, and Rule 21 of the summary, in private, to one of the most
agitated Sisters, and one who makes the most trouble. I succeeded,
at least exteriorly; they quietened down. Today, it seems, they are not
disquieted* 16 .
There is a Post Script to the letter which reveals the understanding and
the deep love of a person who was concerned for all the Sisters of the Institute:
«I see no malice in all this; just ignorance. Make what use you think
right of this, but do not say who told you. I want this to be cured if
possible, but I do not want to do harm, for I love them all as the apple
of my eye».
M. Pilar was returning to Spain to complete the last stage of her

government. M, Sacred Heart could see by this time that events were following
a course similar to that of ten years before; she had to pray more than ever,
and to encourage. In the anguish of her situation M. Pilar would have an
advantage over the first General; she could at least count on the understanding,
the absolute fidelity of that noble creature who had previously suffered so much
through her.
M. Pilar wrote to M, Sacred Heart shortly afterwards: «This is just for
you; it seems that M. Patrocinio is going to get better, and I am afraid that if
she does, she will go back because, as you know, it does not depend just on me,
because of her second charge 17 . Pray to the Master, that if He does not want
it, He will impede it; and ask in general that He will mature you and me
quickly and take us to His side... One day Fr, Astrain preached that the saints
had gained more merit by seeing their plans frustrated and their endeavours
fruitless, than by their troubles and labours b the works which had succeeded.
This is a consolation, and so it is to be humiliated and knocked down rather
than humiliating or oppressing anybody...®18
16
Letter written in October 1900.
17 M. Patrocinio was Mistress of Novices besides being Superior, and according to the
Constitutions the Assistants had a deliberative vote when assigning that post.
IN
Letter of 22nd October 1900-
522 Part four: 1893-1925
Once again M. Pilar had in her heart the memory of her past errors,
of that time in which she had humiliated and oppressed her sister. But the
pang of contrition now became the sweet pain of feeling herself the object of
mercy.
«If I succeed in becoming a saint...»
While M. Pilar was suffering incrcdible difficulties, which appeared to

be a faithful repetition of those her sister had borne, - and perhaps even
greater, - M. Sacred Heart continued her life in Rome occupied with trivial
tasks. Four, six, eight years... The Institute was growing, not only because by
the end of XlXth century it had a few more houses than when M. Sacred Heart
resigned from her post, but above all, there was a great increase in the number
of Handmaids. There were new generations now, unknown to M. Sacred
Heart, and who began to be unaware of her. The Sisters everywhere, most of
them ignorant of the difficulties of the governing body and of the sufferings of
the two Foundresses, were striving to work according to the spirit of the
Institute, through their «true love for Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament» and for
the concern «which burnt in that divine Heart for the salvation of souls». The
Foundress, retired in Rome, was able to reconstruct the situation of the houses
through fragments of news arriving from different parts. She learned of the
prosperity, founded on difficulties, of the school in Cadiz; of the growth of the
schools in Jerez and Bilbao; of the movement of vocations in the Basque
provinces; of the catechcsis in houses where any Handmaid in various ways was
trying to work to announce Jesus Christ that «all might know and love Him».
When she received this kind of news M. Sacred Heart rcjoiced that the
Institute continued to grow as houses were opened to shelter a large family.
But she rejoiced with some kind of sadness such as the foundations of a
building would experience if they had feelings, at being unable to see the
beauty of the materials which rcceive air and light on the upper floors;
foundations, which apparently, are not even part of the construction.
All M. Sacred Heart's private notes at this time allude to the suffering
caused by her inactivity, which naturally, appears to her as uselcssness, but
which by God's grace she sees as the hidden power, the motive of all the
activities in the Institute.
«... Doing nothing is my greatest martyrdom. God wants me to be

holy, I cannot refuse that without rejecting His holy will. If I succeed
in being holy, I will do more for the Congregation, for the Sisters and
for my neighbour than if I were engaged in works of greater
consequence.
My spirit groans, but it is better to please Jesus groaning than
smiling. Enjoyment will be in the other life. Jesus loves me very mueh,
and this should always encourage me. I know that by experience. He
loves me with a special love; He wants the best for me. He only wants
me to leave myself to Him, and He will do everything else, because He
knows that I am only useful for that* 19 .
The foregoing ideas were like a constant call to her, the continual
demand for complete self surrender which M. Sacred Heart had experienced
in different ways throughout her life. She was completely convinced of that.
But her clear vision and her generous acceptance of God's will could not
remove her suffering.
«Now that I am quite peaceful, I see very clearly that this desire
whieh I have to work for my God is a diabolical temptation, for Our
Lord wants me to break my will at all costs, even in good things, and
allow myself to be guided by the one He has given me, and to follow
blindly all that he wishes for me, either directly or indirectly, even
putting me in a dungeon, or dressing mc or treating me as a queen...
Anything which occurs to me or which I do to the contrary is a
suggestion of the devil. I see that clearly*20.
«God Our Lord wants my complete submission to His will in all
events... So I should never judge them, however hard they may be for
my self love. He does not want my works, but blind submission to
whatever He disposes. If I do not take this to heart, I risk living like
a mad person and losing myself. I am writing this with a clear mind
and a peaceful spirit*21.
M. Sacred Heart wrote these notes at the time when M. Pilar and the
Assistants were in Rome speaking to Fr. La Torre. She had some idea of the
difficulties which were increasing within the General Council, but she did not
know everything; M. Pilar had revealed part of the secret. Quite naturally, her
intuition and observation of the movements and expressions of the General and
her Assistants completed the information given by her sister. The Institute
appeared to be in danger again, and it was particularly hard then to feel the
impossibility of working for it. To keep herself in peacc demanded an effort
which might have been called superhuman if it had not been simply fidelity to
God's grace.
The ideas revealed in her spiritual notes can also be seen in other
Spiritual notes 43; Retreat, 1898.

20
Spiritual notes, 44, 1900.
21
tbid., 45.
524 Part four: 1893-1925
writings by M. Sacred Heart of this time. Some words addressed to M. Julia

Hernandez who was in charge of the house in Rome during the absence of M.
Patrocinio, show very impressively the sorrow of a person who in faith
renounced the kind of life to which in faith she believed she had been called:
«... I was delighted last night by the final points given by the Father.
That is the inclination of my heart, given me by God. How can I root
it out? I will bear patiently the life I am living until death, just as one
bears an illness. But it is not within my power to eradicate from my
soul the desires to work for the glory of God, because it is God Our
Lord who chose me for this kind of mixed life, not I, myself. M.
Patrocinio and you, influenced perhaps by Fr. Mancini, seem to want
to lead me only by the way of contemplation. But I assure you that
you are doing to my soul what you would do to my face if you wanted
me to be looking backwards...*22.
The aversion and struggles which M. Sacred Heart overcame by her

trusting acceptance of God's will were clearly expressed in her act of surrender,
written and signed in her blood on 20th December 1900:
«My Lord and God, I am afraid to surrender myself to your divine

will as if you were a severe judge and not my loving Father, and this
offends your infinite mercy, proofs of which I have been receiving all
my life. This has finished now, and at this moment I surrender myself
irrevocably to your divine plans, be they sweet or bitter, that You may
dispose of me, as You, my Jesus, wish, because as I am yours by so
many titles, You have every right.
I trust, with your grace, to kill my desires once and for all, to be
content with everything, and to say «Yes» to everything, and constantly
to chcrish such great trust in You that I will accept every event, even
the most humiliating and painful, as a precious gift of the love which
burns for me in your divine Heart...
Sole resolution: blind faith in God's hands and complete
abandonment to His most wise and holy will*23.
22
Written in November 1900, but undated.
23
Sharing the sweet joy of hope
It cost a great effort to be patient in bearing that life. She had written:
«... Just as one bears an illness...* But for her, patience was not only resistance
to sorrow; it was also kindness, a smile, understanding, serenity. Her readiness
to oblige, her simplicity, shone forth from M. Sacred Heart's peaceful
countenance, remarked by everyone who saw her. The words of appreciation
written about her at this time deal mainly with her remarkable fortitude in
suffering, coming as they do from persons who were entrusted with her
confidence (Superior or Assistant in the house in Rome). In the processes for
beatification and canonisation eyewitnesses declared in many different ways that
Mother was always joyful, and serene, kind and simple in the midst of all the
oblivion of her life .
M. Sacred Heart's meekness and affectionate kindness are reflected in
many of her letters written at this time:
«I have heard of your sorrow, for you will be sorry, naturally,

although conformed to the will of the One who does nothing wrong.
And what a lovely day He took her! He could not do otherwise, as
she had been so good to Him, giving four pieces of her heart so
generously. It is true that He did it all, for what good can a creature
do? But as He rewards His own gifts, that is why He has been so
generous with your good mother R.I.P.
... This is for Maria de San Jos6•nras well; please send it to her. But
no, poor dear; I'll write to her...»
«Although I do not write, I do not forget you or anyone else in that

house, and I speak and listen to M. Superior with great joy when she
speaks of each one of you. You may be quite sure that I never pray
unless I have you present, for it seems that the older I get, the more
my memory grows. On the other hand, my sight has become weak,
but I get on well with glasses. Many of us here have four eyes
now...»
«The time has come now for a couple of lines. But it is going to be
more. Do you believe that I have forgotten you because I do not
write? No, my dear, I t h i n k of you a lot, and even more in the place
«I would never have believed that she was suffering so much* Ma. Teresa de Jesus
Gixtanizii. Cf. H. BRIGIDA AGU1RJIE, Prof. Ord. Summ. XV, 259.
Letter to M. Maria de Jesus Graeia y Malag6n, 20th August 1901.
^ l e t t e r to M. Inmaculada Gracia, 25th August 1901.
526 Part four: 1893-1925
where I can do you a bit of good. There I make a pact with Our Lord
that whatever I do belongs to us both, and you receive by the handful.
So open them well, and close your fingers so that nothing slips
through. And notice that everything I send you is superfine, and easily
runs away. If you still have that holy custom of being faithful in little
things and doing them as well as you possibly can, this is the best way
of preserving and increasing the treasures which I am asking Our Lord
for you. Ask for these two virtues for me too, and when we meet in
heaven, if Our Lord, in spite of our great sins, deigns to take us there,
then we shall congratulate each other...» 27
The letters between M. Sacred Heart and M. Maria de la Cruz during

all these years were very abundant 28 .
«I have received several lovely leaflets, and the Child, who is also
very beautiful and who teaches us how difficult it is to accept our self
love, and what he practises so perfectly during the whole of his life. I
have Him there on my table before my eyes; let us see if gazing hard
softens my hard heart, which never becomes truly converted.
I have not written before because I had a bad cold, and still have it;
and before that an obstinate gumboil by the wisdom tooth. As I do
not know how to be ill, everything lasts longer, and shows more. May
Our Lord teach me to be patient when the ailments come, because at
my age they cannot be very far off, and then may I be able to bear
them like a Religious who should be mortified, because otherwise it
is unseemly before men, and more so, and chiefly before God our
Lord...» 29
«How much there will be to do there! 30 , and if I were nearer, how-

much I could help! Because in a foundation we are always
shorthanded... As you say, I imagine that city, or rather the people, are
very good. But is it not rather backward, like Cordova?»
27
Letter to M. Maria del Amparo, January 1903; she was one of the first group in the
Institute.
Tfl M. Sacred Heart wrote many letters to her; some are quoted here.
M. Maria de la Cruz had a curious personality, maintaining her sense of humour in the
midst of difficulties. Between 1892 and 1915 she received at least 77 letters from M. Sacrcd Heart
(That number has been preserved).
29 Letter written in January 1897.
30 Meaning the foundation Valladolid.
«... Christmas is coming now; ask the dear Child for a solid, lovely
Christmas box for me, according to his delightful taste... You will have
heard all about what is going on here from Martires. I am left still
hungry after being with her and listening to the news from there...
Now that chatterbox Margarita is filling our hearts, talking about the
houses there, of which we know almost nothing. How glad I am about
all the good progress which you and she tell us you are making
there...»
M. Sacred Heart and M. Maria de la Cruz had a custom from past

days of sending their Christmas greetings by passbg a picture of the Child
Jesus backwards and forwards between them. Their devotion to the mysteries
of Bethlehem and to the infancy of Christ was strengthened by the pilgrimage
they made to Loreto in 1895. The travelling Child Jesus each year revived the
impressions of those days.
«Welcome to these valleys, little heavenly Shepherd. That is what

I said to your Child when I saw Him come into my room. O may I
find in my power what you are promised, and not the opposite; for 1
am capable, very capable, of making Him suffer and cry; and then
crying myself on seeing his tears!
So, may He be blessed and give us thousands and thousands of
blessings with His tiny hands... Jesus never ceases to give by the
handful; it is we who are bad, we do not take advantage of the
moments of grace; and we do not recognise them, which is worse, for
we take the most precious graces as punishments very often...
I think of this when looking at the Child, and I say to myself: If He
treated us now and always just as His Eternal Father treated Him,
how far would our lamentations go?... We must admit, Mother, that
we know nothing, nothing of how good and exquisite is all that God
esteems and appreciates. That is the science which I want to learn,
and I have not even begun yet. Pray only for that for me this year.
I will pray for it for you, and I'll pray on Christmas Eve and always.
If Our Lord would grant us but a little!* 33
«... I received the picture; but do you know from whom my soul asks
me to feed myself? Christ crucified. How do I know why? Perhaps
it is one of the strange things of old age. Pray that my hunger may
increase, that perhaps afterwards that other one may comc which 1 like
32
33
Letter written between December 1898 and January 1899.
528 Part four: 1893-1925
so much, the hunger for that wise folly which you know I would like
34
the Lord to grant me...»
«I know that you are in Cordova ... I am glad because I hope you
will do some good for the glory of God, and increase the fervour and
spirit of those good Mothers and Sisters and in some other persons.
Do you know whom I thought of at oncc? Isabelita 35 . Do not
forget that creature. Poor dear. Show an interest in her and try to
make her trust in you...*36
«I don't know if you are alive or dead, for I do not know how long
it is since we heard anything about you, or about that M.
Encarnaci6n 37 . I received the letter she wrote me before Christmas,
and I am more grateful than I can say to the poor dear. Since then,
nothing, absolutely nothing from her or from you.
I was going to pay you back by not sending the Child any more; but
I don't want that kind of thing even in fun; so I return Him safe and
sound. Is He pleased? Only He knows that. He will not go far with
such bad company as you give Him each year, for, what can anyone
give who is always offending Him? Well, may He be blessed, and
don't you risk making such long journeys, bccause one day He is going
to stay as He did in Jerusalem when He was twelve years old.
In this holy time let us ask for each other a great love for Jesus
crucified...*38
«I ask God to enlarge your heart—»
In September 1900, just ten years after those meetings of the General
Council which were a landmark in the government of M. Sacred Heart, history
repeated itself. After the stay in Rome the difficulties increased more rapidly
until unbearable tension was reached.
«I pray that God may enlarge your heart, which I see is very timorous
and fearful. I see you are the same as I was at the beginning; it was acceptable
34
Letter of 24th June 1899. M. Sacred Heart was 49 years of age.
35
Her niece Isabel Porras Molina, who left the novitiate in September 1895 and was going
through a difficult crisis.
36
37
A religious of the community in Cordova suffering from cancer then seriously ill.
38
in me because I was as I was made; but you, who could face up to the world,
where has your spirit gone?* M. Sacred Heart tried to encourage her sister
with those words 9 . It is curious to see that she suggested to her a plan of
action similar to the one she had presented as a programme of government in
those famous meetings of 1890: «It seems to me that you are overburdened.
If you divided up the duties and you only bad charge of directing the Institute,
you would do more and you would have more liberty. Maybe this suggestion
is madness, but I am going to tell you, because it has occurred to me. For
example, Maria del Carmen, provincial of Madrid and above, and Purisima, of
Madrid and the south. You would see how they would calm down, and when
they see things at first hand, they would change...* 40
Those words touch upon certain aspects of the reality. But certainly,
at that moment, they were no solution. But M. Sacred Heart was right when
she mentioned M, Pilar's great suffering; she was indeed by then a very
different woman from the one she had been five or ten years before.
Different. And better, there is no doubt. The jewel of her personality
had undergone a polishing process which could almost be called brutal. But
softer measures would not have attaind such a good effect. Even her way of
expressing herself in writing had changed. She had always had a felicitous turn
of phrase with a complicated syntax and a rich vocabulary. Now, her words
became fewer and more weighty. They seemed to reflect certain convictions
which were not only in her mind, but were deeply rooted in her heart.
Although the letter from M. Sacred Heart just quoted portrays a rather
downcast M. Pilar, the consideration of all that she did that summer obliges us
to temper that impression. The sharp edges of her character had been very
much honed down, but she still retained that ability to grow in the face of
difficulties. She had borne for years the powerful influence of M. Purisima as
she carried out her multiple responsibilities from Madrid. And now when the
opposition of the Assistants to her government had increased, M. Pilar decided
to dismantle the power house of Madrid which comprised the Novitiate, Third
Probation, professed house; more than one hundred persons under the direct
authority and influence of M. Purisima.
Risky decisions
Several events occurred in the house in Madrid which favoured the

removal of M. Purisima. In December 1899 Elvira AJlende, who belonged to
a very rich family from Bilbao, finished her Novitiate and made her first vows.
39 Letter of 26th October 1900.

530 Part four: 1893-1925
The Allende family had many friends in Madrid, and they decided to have a
great celebration for their daughter's ceremony 41 . In the circumstances in
Spain at that time, 1900, that show was a provocation. It was not prepared by
M. Purisima or by the Religious of Obelisk Parade; but it was held in the
house, and it gave an impression of wealth which was very far from reality.
The Mistress of Novices could not avoid it, and she did not show much
concern. M. Pilar wrote her a letter which, considering the date when it was
written, reveals great social awareness:
«Purisima: I am sorry about the feast you have had there. You told
me that you did not like it, and gave mc to understand that you
allowed it only for the glory of God. I ask: Where is the glory of God?
In truth, I sec only disedification of ours and of the people who saw
the load of tables, waiters, etc., going in; the annoyance of the poor
people of that district and giving cause to those bad neighbours to
continue attacking us evilly in the press.
And don't you remember what I said at the time, about the
Gondomar family, that it is never permitted to have waiters from the
restaurant or such profane lavish hospitality? And theirs was not like
what has just been allowed, according to what was described then, and
what is said now. Purisima, take this correction well from mc, for we
must help each other so that the spirit of the world finds no entrance
into our houses, because I think that when that plague comes in, the
spirit of God goes out» 42 .
In August, after consulting the Assistants, M. Pilar decided to move the

Third Probation to Valladolid, designating M. Philomena Goiri as Instructress;
a Religious who was outstanding in virtue and good sense. She was Basque,
serious, solid - although not really brilliant. M. Purisima had given a very
favourable report on her at the end of her Third Probation 43 . The Assistants
agreed to the change very unwillingly, remembering Fr. La Torre's sharp
comment on the subject, but they did not refuse. And the Third Probation
began on its new site on 8th September.
On the 20th M. General had a meeting with her Council. In a very
tense atmosphere the Assistants let M. General know their displeasure at M.
Patrocinio's departure from Rome (they suspccted that her illness had been
used as a pretext for not allowing her to take up again her post in the Novitiate
41
Ma. del Carmen Aranda and Ma. de la Cruz both mention this in their writings.
42
43 Her letter of edification mentions that she was extremely prudent.
C.J. A difficult change of century 531
and in the house) 44 .

The central issue in these meetings was the question of the
administration of property. With great difficulty and with much resistance on
the part of M. Pilar, their possessions had been divided up and a part assigned
to each house of the Congregation. This had been done three years before,
and since then the double entry system had been used for the accounts {this
was a mark of great progress in 1897). Now, on her return from Rome, M.
Pilar wanted in a certain way to reverse the situation, supporting her ideas on
advice given by Fr. La Torre. The Assistants held firmly to their opinion, and
seemingly they were right in this case. In any case M. General gave them in
writing her questions to Fr. La Torre, and his answers, leaving them completely
free to consult any authority in the matter. Maria del Carmen Aranda went to
Fr. Vinuesa, who knew the Constitutions of the Institute well. After a careful
study he gave a detailed report. Fr. Vinuesa suggested that this report should
be revised also by Fr. Urriburu, who approved the report and who also felt
himself obliged to give a final warning to those responsible for government.
He addressed the letter to M. Purisima, but intended it for all, including M.
Pilar. «It seems like the Tower of Babel», he did not mean the administration,
but the state of the General Council, « which breaks my heart at seeing persons
who aim at holiness in such a situation... This is not from God; God cannot
bless that...* 45 He urged them to have special prayers, which should be said
in all the houses, like rogations. He asked them to forget all the past upsets,
to follow the Constitutions in everything, to flee from the spirit of criticism, not
to argue at all in the Council meetings, and all to accept the opinion of the
majority in matters needing a deliberative vote. He ended with an exhortation
from which it can quite reasonably be seen that he was referring to that kind
of monopoly of good spirit with which the Assistants had endowed M.
Purisima:
«No one should trust to her own lights, or think she is the only one
enlightened by God and the only one moved by the divine Spirit.
God's way is to communicate with the humble and to confound the
blind, the presumptuous...
These notes are to be like props to sustain the building, at least
until God Our Lord brings about the day of the Meeting
(Congregation) when a change can be made legally in the personnel
44 Ma. del Carmen Aranda wrote years later. «... M. General had good reasons for bringing
her to Spain... In any case could not the General move a person for health reasons? But it was
considered that she had no right to do this...»
45 Letter of 7th October 1900.
532 Part four: 1893-1925
of the governing body* 46 .
The reference to the catastrophe which was seen to be approaching

could not have been clearer. They were all greatly impressed. In that very
month of October, after making her Retreat, M. Purisima wrote to M. Pilar
asking her pardon for all that she had made her suffer in that time. The
General replied with all the humility of her heart:
«... As I am afraid of my charactcr and of the responsibility for the

unpleasantness, what I ask of you, and will say to the other Mothers,
is that you should think of mc and bear with me as if I were a
convalescent, or wanting to begin my convalescence with a sure step.
You cannot expect much of such persons, but... let them go forward
slowly and allow nature to work (which in this ease is grace...)»
«May Our Lord give you strength for the struggle...*
«I have more to do every day, and that is why I write less*, M. Pilar
wrote to her sister in January 1901, «but I want to tell you this before the
others know. The Assistants have answered unanimously about Patrocinio, that
she should return to her post as soon as possible. The Mothers have a
deliberative vote about the Mistress of Novices, so I accept this decision as
God's voice, and so I am thinking of nothing else but the journey, which DV
will be in February* 48 .
M. Sacred Heart was extremely sorry to have this news. «Julia has
behaved very well, wisely and with tact, much more so than M. Patrocinio. It
would have been a great advantage if she could have continued, it seems; but
when Our Lord disposes things a different way, that is best. He will bring good
out of evil. I can see that only a miracle can prevent... But, may the Lord be
blessed for ever, and make us all very humble. Several times I have had letters
written for the Assistants, telling them my opinion about her... but I have not
dared, because I am afraid of everything, and I have only prayed. But it seems
that God does not want it, because this would be more helpful...* 49
It seems that by this time M. Sacred Heart, guessing some of M.
46
ibid.
47
48
49
Letter to M. Pilar, 30th January 1901. Possibly the letter addressed to M. Margarita Varo
(cf. pages 520-21) did not reach its destination.
Pilar's difficulties, or even knowing some of them positively, did not know how
far things had gone in the General Council. She could not have imagined the
meeting on 22nd January when the Assistants were asked about M. Patrocinio,
and would not answer verbally, yet in the ballot which followed they stated
categorically that she should return to Rome as soon as possible. If she had
been present at that meeting or at any of the Council meetings at that time, she
would have seen that history was repeating itself in that tense atmosphere in
which strict adherence to the letter of the Constitutions was killing conscience
and joy.
We have spoken badly. The situation did not repeat the past exactly,
it notably increased it.
M. Sacred Heart was unaware of many things. Nevertheless she was
so capable of understanding that she did not need to be fully informed in order
to feel in tune with M. Pilar. «May Our Lord give you strength for tbe
struggle, your sister prays for this with all her heart». With these words she
ended the page on which she was answering M. Pilar for the news that the
Superior was returning. It was a resigned letter. The following day, thinking
perhaps that a more generous acceptance was needed, she took up her pen
again:
«My dear sister: I wrote in a hurry yesterday, and I am afraid that

some words I said were influenced by my sorrow at the news, and it
might seem to you that I am suffering too much over it... Don't worry,
I am always resigned to God's will, and I want to bend mine to
everything that He wills, with all the generosity of which I am capable
with His grace... God Our Lord knows what He is doing, and when He
allows this, He will know why. May He allow us to take advantage of
this for our sanctification. What 1 think you should do is, accept M.
Patrocinio well, keep her closely united to you, and depending directly
on you... May the Lord give me patience, discretion and prudence and
humility, I need as much now as when we were at home during those
last days when you will remember that it seemed that everything was
against us, conspiring to exhaust our strength and drown us. Wc will
not be drowned, as it did not drown us then, for the glory of Our
Lord, if His grace upholds us as it did then. But I see that we must
be very closely united to Him» 50 .
cn
^ Letter of 31st January 1901.
534 Partf o u r :1893-1925
Effects of the «Ubao case*
A series of external problems complicated the situation. By 1901 the

wave of anticlericalism had advanced from certain political and intellectual
areas into the general masses of people; it had become a street cry and a
journalistic satire 51 .
A case much talked-of in Madrid, and indeed in the whole of Spain
was that of the young Adela Ubao. After struggling against the firm opposition
of her family, she entered the Novitiate of the house in Madrid, Obelisk
Parade, on 12th March 1900. She was twenty-three years of age. She
considered that she was of age and free to decide on her life, even against the
expressed will of her mother. The mother, who was a widow, together with her
brothers, started a court process which today would seem surprising, and on
some points, ridiculous; but at the time it caused a great stir at the hands of
politicians. At first the widow took the case to the primary court. The girl
made a declaration affirming that she was in the convent absolutely by her own
personal, free decision. This took place in the spring of 1900 just while M.
Pilar and her four Assistants were in Rome. The judge gave sentence in
Adela's favour, and then the family look the case to the court of appeal.
The Ubao family sought Nicolas Salmer6n for the defence, and the
case, which was of no importance in itself, became the target of all the anti-
clerical prejudices of the times, and was surrounded by confusion and high
feelings typical of the nineteenth century. The arguments adduced by the Ubao
family and their friends, as well as by Salmer6n and others who called
themselves laymen, make us smile, because they called upon divine and
ecclesiastical laws just as much as or even more than did Adela Ubao and her
defenders.
In October all the newspapers in Spain proclamed the affair at various
lengths and in various styles. The Liberal (Madrid, 19th October) entitled their
article: «Important Hearing, One soul for God and a hundred for the devil*,
Among its statements it said: «In any case we can state, for the sake of peace,
that this is nothing more than an interpretation of civil law*52.
The case caused a great stir in the Spanish press 53 . The Seriora
Ubao possessed a large fortune which allowed her to resort to certain ends and
to win her case. And then Adela, in spite of being a woman spoilt by the
«comfort of her home and the endearments of her family*, resisted all the
51
«A wave of violence swept through Spain about 1900; there were constant disturbances
especially in the large cities; the press carried on a systematic anti-religious campaign". See: M A .
GOMEZ MOLLEDA, Los reformadores de la Espaha contemporanea.
^ The newspaper gave its own explanation the following day.
53
Several papers published articles.
«supplications and advice of respectable persons* who wanted to make her see
that «she should go against her vocation* 54 .
The Handmaids took no part in that sensational hearing as The Liberal
of 19th October seemed to believe, because M. Pilar had strongly opposed the
idea. While she was in Rome she wrote to M. Purisima: «... The Congregation
should not have anything to do with the lawsuit. I even dislike our supporting
it, because it is about daughter against mother; although it is quite just, I am
sure, and Adelita is to be admired with compassion for the painful battle she
has to bear* 55 . The General held so firmly to her position, which was quite
different from that of the Mistress of Novices (M. Purisima), that some of the
Assistants reproached her. Hence M. Maria de la Cruz held M. Pilar
responsible for Adela's departure, making it known that she had always refused
to let her be defended by a lawyer. «She always answered this matter in the
same way, and it happened very often, and besides she ordered that Adcla
should not be given the habit until her mother was reconciled* 56 .
In the Hearing of 20th October a matter of law was discussed: the
interpretation of Article 321 of the Civil Code. What was the meaning of
«choose a state (of life)?* 57
The Hearing at the High Court in Madrid confirmed the judge's
decree that «there was no reason* why Miss Ubao should have to leave the
convent and return to her mother's home, «bccause to choose a state and to
take on a way of life are two ideas which are so clear that it is enough to say
that everybody understands them and sees them in the same light; the meaning
of the first being to choose a person's way of life as a permanent state, be it
the state of matrimony or the state of religious perfection; and that of the
second is putting b t o practice what had been chosen...*
The «considerations» were very long, and the decision of the High
Court Hearing was based on them and on the declaration by Adcla Ubao in
the presence of a lawyer sent by the judge in which she affirmed that she was
in the convent of her own free will. The judges reached their decision in spite
of Salmer6n's verbal cascade which he filled with quotations from Councils and
ecclesiastical writers.
The Ubao family then appealed to the Supreme Court. And Adcla in
54
El liberal, 20th October 1900 stated that Adcla had been kept against her will.
55
Letter of 3rd July 1900. «Pamful battle» was not a mere metaphor; the family did have
recourse to physical violence.
56
57
«There would have been no discussion if the young lady had not been more than 23 and
less than 25 years old, because the civil law forbade a daughter to leave her home before she was
25, except to take up a state. If by «take up a state* is meant only to marry, then the Novice
would have to return home. But if it meant any stable state of life, then she could stay in the
convent». (El Liberal, 19.10.1900).
536 Part four: 1893-1925
the meantime stayed in the convent as she wanted to do; but she was not
allowed to be clothed in the religious habit, by M. Pilar's firm decision.
At the beginning of February 1901 the affair once again took a
prominent place before the people. The Hearing at the Supreme court took
place on 7th. The first night of Perez Galdos' work Electro was on 30th
January. The play was rather mediocre, but coming at the time of much
anticlerical feeling, it became a resounding success58. The public found the
story similar to that of Adela Ubao; and strangely enough her f a m i l y took no
offence at such an identification 59 .
M. Sacrcd Heart was unaffected by these complications, and she
suggested to her sister at this time that when M. Patrocinio returned to Rome
she should have only the charge of Mistress of Novices, She was very worried
about the state of the community, so apathetic in every way, partly on account
of the ill health of the superior. «Have courage and try it; you may do this
without any vote from the Assistants; and I assure you that you will be doing
something very pleasing to Our Lord* 60 . Ten years before, M. Pilar would
have given a very sharp answer, but her continual difficulties had performed a
great work in her.
Some days later she wrote: «Do not give up your conformity with the
will of God, leaving to Him M. Patrocinio's going there, because that would go
against what we are aiming at in these difficult circumstances, which is letting
God arrange everything. I often think that if the grain of wheat docs not die,
it produces no fruit; some of us have to die so that the fruit of such holy
behaviour may be produced in the Family, and perhaps until that comes about
Our Lord will keep us in this life of troubles and dangers... Even from the
human point of view, don't you think the Assistants would be more annoyed at
seeing those restrictions, because they have said unanimously that she should
go back. And it would even give M. Patrocinio a reason for mistrusting me,
and I think this should be avoided...*61
M. Pilar was right in this case. The Assistants' state of mind prevented
her from pleasing M. Sacred Heart, and even from acting according to her own
judgement with regard to the superior in Rome.
58
The first night of the play «Electra» by Gald6s on 30th January 1901 caused a great stir,
reported in all the newspapers, - riots, convents stoned, subversive shouts. ... Cf. PIO BAROJA,
Quoted in Gomez Milleda op. cit.
59
Electra's supposed father, anxious lo prevent her from following in the footsteps of her
mother, wants her to be separated from the world and live a life of expiation; an idea which the
author presents as very «catholic». But Electra's young friend does all he can to frustrate this
plan.6 0
Letter of February 1901.
61 Letter of 19th February 1901.
«The Master will gain glory from everything;

this is a consolation*
Writing about Adela Ubao, M. Pilar said: «We are awaiting here the
verdict on the case of this girl; they say it wii] be against her. May the Master
help us whatever the result, for it is an ugly busbess because of the class of
family involved*62.
The hearing b the Supreme court was a most colourful public
spectacle. Salmcr6n had strengthened his discourse with new arguments taken
from St. Isidore, Tertulhan, the Councils of Magunto and Trent, the chronicles
of the order of St. Francis, the Beatitudes, the Royal Academy, the Parties... 63
His tone was apocalyptic at times, and at others pathetic; always accommodated
to the public who had not only pushed their way b by a thousand means, but
had even paid high prices for a place b order to be present. We may quote
some paragraphs. Salmer6n, speaking of the story of Adela's vocation, said:
«This mother had lived so closely united to her daughter that their prayers
were intermmgled, and they had the same spiritual director. When Fr.
Cermeno S J . came to give a mission two years ago he preached in St. Mary's
church, urging the people to receive the sacrament of penance. This girl,
without asking her mother's advice, went and made a general confession...* 64
The picture of the «child» of twenty-three so much under her mother's control
that her decision to make a general confession is considered rebellion is far too
idyllic - if that word may be used - to be contemplated calmly from our
viewpobt. But at that time, on the memorable 7th February, it wielded an
extraordbary influence on the mbds of the judges and of the spectators 65 .
As people left the High Court the cheers for Salmer6n were bcreased and
complemented with cheers and catcalls for various persons and institutions 66 .
M. Pilar wrote on 11th February: «The verdict on Adela Ubao will be
given today, and we are afraid there will be a great uproar because last night
the town of Madrid was declared to be under martial law*. In fact the state
of martial law was a precaution for the wedding of the prbcess of Asturias,
Maria de las Mercedes, who was to be married during those days. «In any case
62
Letter to M. Sacred Heart 19th Februaiy 1901.
The speech ended with the statement that the Church had not always yielded to the
religious orders, for there was a Pope, St. Clement who had agreed to the expulsion of the Jesuits.
But, the journalist quoting the speech added: we too were surprised because there is only one
saint among those called Clement, and that was Clement I who lived in 1st centuiy. It was
Clement XIV who suppressed the Society of Jesus in 1773, and he has not been canonised.
64
Madrid Herald, 7th February 1901
65
Ibid.
66
The same paper records that two friars walking in Madrid were shouted at and illtreated.
There were shouts of Viva la libertad. Down with the Jesuits!
538 Part four: 1893-1925
I do not think we have lost peace and calm... Only the one concerned is
trembling that she might be obliged to return home... Up till now we have
been the safest ones, because they have not stoned us or shouted at us any
more. I have placed the care of whatever may happen in the future into the
hands of the Master, so with that and being unable to do anything to remove
from the house the cloud which is hanging over us, I am at peace. I intend to
continue in harness. What can I do? I think it is my duty, and I'll not change
until I see differently. The news has not been given yet, but they say it is
against all justice and reason; just keeping it so long means that something bad
is going on. The Master will gain glory from it all; that is the consolation* 67 .
The ruling was given on 24th February. That same day the judge went
to the house in Obelisk Parade to take Adela back to her mother's house.
Before leaving the convent the young woman made it known that she was being
forced to leave, and that she would return as soon as she was twenty-five years
of age; she had only a few months to wait. A written record was made of her
declarations.
«Could you come to Burgos as superior?*
The affair made a great impression on some of the persons who

gathered to recite the rosary for Adela after she had left. Naturally the public
was unaware of, and was not concerned with the differences of opinion between
M. Pilar and M. Purisima on the subject. The Mistress of Novices opposed the
outrageous decision. At one time, before the outcome had been reached, she
consulted competent persons who advised her to look for a solicitor to
represent Adela. M. Maria de la Cruz related: «Maura, one of those whom
she consulted said it was so clear that justice was on Adela's side that it was
almost certain that judgement would be given in her favour because she was
reaching her majority at that time and there was no point in continuing* .
If Maura's advice had been taken, and M. Purisima's idea followed up there
would probably have been a stronger defence, if no less declamatory than that
of Salmer6n. But this might easily have been interpreted as one more proof
of the coercion and even of the pressure to which Adela was supposed to be
subjected on the part of the Jesuits and nuns.
M. Pilar's attitude gave no reason at all for this false opinion.
Although she knew that the girl was quite free to decide whether to enter or
to leave the convent, she refused to carry her dcfence to the extreme of
67
Letter to M. Ma. de la Cruz, 16th February 1901.
68
Chronicles III, p. 634. Adela Ubao was born on 25th September 1876, so she had her
twenty-fifth birthday in September 1901.
C.J. A difficult change of century 539
confronting mother and daughter. After Adela had returned to her home, the
General forbade M. Purisima or any other Religious to have any contact or
correspondence with her:
«... I also want to warn you that until Adela Ubao is twenty-five
years of age, she will not be allowed into our parlours even as a
visitor. In the meantime DV we shall observe and inquire about what
would be best for the glory of God, and with His grace we shall follow
that.
And that you may have no doubts, under no pretext nor through any
advice is anything else to be done. Likewise there will be no
communication with this poor creature; just let us pray for her to
God» 69 .
As if there had not been enough publicity around the house in Obelisk
Parade, another event occurred in July. After the wedding of the princess of
Asturias the street disturbances had continued. The reason for troubles this
time was the discussion in the Courts about the law of Association for
Religious orders. The civil governor told the Superior that he would send two
guards to watch the house. The Superior, M. Purisima, feared the worst, and
hastily sent the Religious, in secular attire, to friendly houses. Nothing
happened that evening, and the following morning those who had left secretly
began to return. The newspapers took up the matter in their usual way; that is,
they ridiculed the community's fear, exaggerating the smallest details of what
they called a shameful flight.
Maria del Carmen Aranda was in Bilbao, and she learned of this
through the papers. «I didn't believe any of it, thinking it was just a calumny
by the secular press. But, Oh, what they said was true this time» 70 . The
hasty departure, the alarm caused to the nuns, gave rise to all kinds of
comments. M. Purisima reported it to M. Pilar, giving little importance to the
event. And certainly now, it does not merit such concern. But it was very
different at that time and in those circumstances. M. Pilar connected it with
previous events - the Ubao case and, some time earlier, the Allcnde
celebration. By this time the General had been trying to replace M. Purisima
in her posts in the house, but had been prevented by the opposition of the
Assistants. On the feast of St. Ignatius 1901 she wrote: «My dear Amalia 71 :
What am I going to say about what has no remedy? I thought this yesterday
when I read your letters, and today I add that you have made me decide who
69
Letter from M. Pilar to M. Purisima, 17th March 1901.
70
History of M. Pilar X, p. 113.
71
Baptismal name of M . Purisima.
540 Partf o u r :1893-1925
has to take your place. For if I am responsible for that house, I want to accept
it as soon as possible...*
M. Purisima's idea of her own superiority, plus her extraordinarily
violent temperament created such difficult situations for M. Pilar that she
decided to stay as little time as possible in the house in Madrid. Some of the
Sisters, either through ignorance or through fear of M. Purisima's reactions,
helped to deprive M. General of authority. The letter from M. Pilar to m!
Purisima written on 21st July 1891 is a response to this state of affairs: «...As
we are not fully aware of our ways, you and 1 cannot live together in posts of
authority in the same house. So... imitating in some way the patriarch
Abraham and his nephew Lot, I propose the following: Could you not come
as Superior to the house of Burgos?* 72
In this letter M. Pilar urged M. Purisima to answer a question she had
asked the Assistants some time before about a possible Mistress of Novices.
M. Purisima had drawn M. Maria de la Cruz to join with her in resisting, and
consequently the plan was delayed.
In spite of all difficulties, M. Pilar succeeded in her plans in the
summer of 1901. On 4th September M. Lutgarda Baquedano was appointed
Mistress of Novices. M. Purisima was designated Superior of the house in
Burgos which had been founded the previous year. In the meeting of the
General Council held in June it was decided that M. Patrocinio, Superior and
Mistress of Novices in Rome, should also be the Instructress of the Third
Probation for those who had to have their probation in Rome.
This new situation would be very short-lived. Both the new Mistress
and the Instructress of Third Probation appointed in 1900 - M.FiJomena Goiri -
found themselves involved, without seeking it, in the Assistants' reaction against
M. Pilar. In these years their opposition reached such heights of violence that
only her spirited temperament enabled M. General to resist without giving in
completely.
During that summer while M. Pilar was effecting the changes, the
Assistants began to write to the Cardinal Protector about their dissatisfaction.
Cardinal Josd de Calasanz Vives y Tut6 had just taken up his post in the
Institute, as had Filomena and Lutgarda. He carried out his duties as well as
he could, but he was obviously relying on one-sided information 73 .
72
Cf. Letter of 1st August 1901.
73
The Cardinal accepted the charge of Protector in March 1901.
«Union, for love of God»
M. Sacred Heart was following the course of events from Rome,

increasingly united in feelings with M. Pilar. But her lack of information made
it impossible for her at times to give any useful advice. When she heard of the
new appointment of M. Patrocinio as Instructress she wrote: «I am glad that
these Sisters have a Third Probation, because this fulfils the Constitutions
which is God's will for us; and He must bless it; but 1 would have been more
pleased if it could have been in Valladolid, even at the cost of some
sacrifice...*74 This suggestion was not practical. But when speaking of the
strength of unity she gave good advice. Her own experience, a mixture of joys
and sorrows, of many years lived and offered in faith, gave her a desire for
concord and union as the greatest treasure. Her long isolation and the distrust
surrounding her, made her extraordinarily appreciative of silencc and prudence:
«My dear sister:... I am returning the letter for M. Patrocinio,

bccause as it came without an envelope I do not think it prudent for
me to give it to her like that with so much familiarity, containing as it
does such an important assignment...
I want to mention one other thing: be very carcful about not
speaking in confidence to anyone about the Assistants. You don't know
how sorry I was when 1 heard that you had written to M. Matilde that
the Assistants uanimously had made the patient 75 go back, because
it made her think that you did not want to send her, and she was one
who was most eager for her to return...
Pray? I offer everything for the Congregation and the union of the
five of you, because if Our Lord does not put an end to this, the
Congregation will not go forward and God will not bless us. Union,
for love of God, because it is impossible to live as things are... I don't
know what I would do for that...76
At this point in her letter M. Sacred Heart once again suggested an

impossible solution. She thought the main seedbed of disunion was the
meetings of the General Council. «... Every meeting increases the division,
because they have less faith in the head*. It was quite true that matters
be came complicated during the discussions. But neither M. Pilar nor anyone
else could licitly avoid them.
On 14th June M. Redenci6n, the Superior of the house in Valladolid,
74
U t t e r of 12th June 1901
75 M. Patrocinio.
542 Part four: 1893-1925
died. She was a holy woman, truly virtuous and prudent, whom the two
foundresses greatly esteemed. M. Sacred Heart said she was «holy and wise»
but dull in character. M. Pilar was very fond of her. That was natural; in the
atmosphere of mistrust in which she was living, the General saw the salvation
of the Institute in these upright persons who stayed loyal through every trial.
«My dear sister: The telegram has just arrived. I was not surprised;
I was expecting it; even more because I could see that Our Lord was
going to ask that painful sacrifice of you. Our Lord wants to strip you
of all your desires, even the most holy ones... and to spiritualize you
by sorrow in order to bring you fully into the path of perfect spiritual
poverty. Be prepared, as it goes against everything natural, it has to
be very painful, very painful. Now about Amalia , that too belongs
to God's action, for He has to use sharp instruments. I have been
praying for a long time for great strength for you, because I could see
that your time has come.
As for the deceased one, she is lucky, she is in a safe placc now...
This should be a consolation for you. And for the rest - do what you
think best, and then accept the cross without bitterness, as you do; see
everything as coming from a God who loves us so much* 8 .
Two days later M. Pilar wrote the usual circular letter to all the houses
informing them of the death of the Superior in Valladolid. She related that on
the feast of the Sacred Heart, the last day of the sick woman's life, she had
said: «Mother, you do not want me to die; but you could offer the sacrifice of
my life to God. I am longing to die; let us see if Our Lord does me this favour
today». And M. Pdar continued in the same letter: «She knew that I was
praying and asking for prayers for her health, and she said this as if she
believed that God had planned her death, and wc by our prayers were forcing
Him to detain her* 79 .
But M. Pilar did not mention one detail which her Secretary recounted
some years later, which reveals her own generous acceptance of the sorrow
caused bvJ this death. «lt was a well-known fact that when M. Pilar arrived or
80
left a house, the Sisters were never satisfied until she had sung the Suscipe ...
When she was making the visitation of the house in Salamanca, she received
the news that M. Redenci6n, Superior of the house in Valladolid was seriously
ill...» The General and her Secretary set out for Valladolid. At first it seemed
77
M. Purisima.
78
7
' Letter to Superiors and communities, 17th June 1901.
80
The well-known prayer, "t ake o Lord and receive ...
that M. Redenci6n was improving, and the community thought of the custom
of the Suscipc: «The Mothers arranged to have the Suscipe during the Mass;
but M. Pilar would not have it, saying that she was afraid that Our Lord would
take her at her word and carry off M. Redcnci6n. But on the feast of the
Sacred Heart they decided to sing it, and after the Mass M. Pilar said: "I think
that Our Lord is going to take the Superior because I felt a great urge to sing
with all my heart, and to offer her to God if that is His holy will, and I think
she is going to heaven". And so it was. M. Redenci6n died that afternoon
between three and for o'clock*81.
Suffering had drawn the two foundresses closer, but they did not yet
enjoy the relief of full confidence. M. Sacred Heart loved her sister too much
to place her own affection before concord between the General and the
Assistants. Once more she would accept the spiritual solitude which had been
hers since her youth. She wrote: «... I sent back your letter which came for
Concha because I do not think it is good for them to see that you treat me
with confidcnce. Only do that to them 83 ; I am resigned to anything now,
because I know a little bit about God's ways with me now; and as that is how
I see it, it is easier to bear* 84 .
M. Sacred Heart's comment about M. Pilar's decisions in the summer
of 1901 was very encouraging. She wrote to her sister: «I am very, very glad
about all the changes because of the good for the souls of those concerned, I
ask God to enlighten you and that you may go on turning things upside down.
This is very pleasing to Our Lord, because He loves h u m i l i t y S o much, and
honour goes so much against that, so bad habits are curcd by these
changes* . According to that same letter from M. Sacred Heart, the news
caused a sensation in the house in Rome. (This gives an idea of how deeply
ingrained was the thought of M. Purisima's untouchability at that time). M.
Pilar commented: «Thosc changes, especially taking Amalia from here, have
come from God Our Lord alone; and, although it has been very difficult, let us
pray to this loving Lord to carry on with his work, for she is Fighting as was to
be expected with her character and the arrogance which we have all helped to
engender on account of her outstanding gifts... She is in retreat until 21st, and
wc must pray for her sincere, lasting conversion*86.
MARIA D E LA L U 2 CASTANA, Relation 2937

82
Baptismal name of M. Patrocinio.
83 Meaning the Assistants.
84
85
Letter written at end of August 1901.
86
Letter to M. Sacrcd Heart, 15-16 October 1901.
544 Part four: 1893-1925
M. Pilar wrote from Madrid telling her sister of the scenes they had
to witness each day in the streets, and even had to bear within the walls of the
convent. «ParUament opened today, and at the same time the socialists held
a meeting in the bull-ring... and afterwards it is expected there will be stone -
throwing at the churches, etc., because this seems to be the theme of these
tragedies... Perhaps the new foundation will have to be delayed on account of
this», she was referring to Azpeitia. «The newspapers began to talk about this
a week or so ago, saying with intent who are the benefactors, giving the men's
professions, etc., etc., their names and posts; adding that the sheepfold of the
little white ones 87 is being moved there... This is diabolical; it has worried
people so much that from Madrid and from outside they are pestering us with
enquiries. Nothing can be done because they do all they can to stop it...*88
The greatest external difficulties were nothing compared with the
opposition of the General Council. M. Pilar wrote to her sister in January
1902: «... We are carrying on here as well as we can, and not as we ought. The
four ladies 89 united and upset. I am very sorry about it, but I must go on
with it; and that is the truth. Our Lord will protect us; the lack of agreement
is no help for what wc are expecting in Spain, bccause nothing is being
prepared in case of an expulsion*90. M. Sacred Heart received the letter with
sorrow. «I am worried about the question of the ladies, and I am praying hard
for them. This situation is terrible. But what surprises me, and what I cannot
understand is that Da. Leandra used to get on so well with them, and they were
inseparable, and now there has been such a great change®91. There was no
reticence in their words as can be seen from the tone of the whole letter and
from the way it was received by M. Pilar. They could both speak of the past
now without any bitterness.
«If the Lord does not help, I can see another upset, as scandalous
as the other one; and this would be worse becausc it is the seeond.
You have experience, and you know the people; sacrifice yourself for
the sake of peace, give in gently and win their hearts so as to live
united in the charity of Christ. In any other way, by trying force, you
would not gain anything, bccause no one of us has too much humility,
and the situation is getting more difficult every day, and can be seen
clearly from outside. I would give anything to see you relieved of so
many burdens, but it is a defect in the family that we want to do
QH
Meaning the novitiate.
OQ
l i t t e r previously quoted.
en
Meaning the Assistants.
61 Letter of19thFebruary1901.
91
M. Pilar.
everything ourselves and we do not trust anybody. I am speaking

almost blindly. If I hurt you; do not take it like that; it is a sister's
concern. Mary of the Sacred Heart, A.C J.» 9 2 .
M. Pilar was not displeased by those warnings; perhaps that is the

clearest proof that she was not in great need of them. This had reached such
a point that it was not within her power to win the hearts of the Assistants. M.
Maria del Carmen Aranda gives continual evidence in her writings of their
opposition to M. Pilar and to the consideration and uprightness with which she
always dealt with them.
92 Ibid.
Chapter VI
THE «PASSION» OF M. PILAR
«I bave received a terrible letter, it is awful...»
On 19th January 1902 M. Pilar had a meeting with the Assistants in

Valladolid. This was one of the tensest meetings during the government of the
second General. The Assistants voiced their opinions on the Novitiate in very
reproachful terms. Then their complaints widened until they covered the whole
Institute which, they said, had deteriorated so much that it was not the same
as in 1893. The main accusations were futile, and some were really ridiculous,
but according to the Assistants, they justified their attitude of complete
abstention. M. Maria del Carmen Aranda's intervention as recorded in the
Minutes was: «... I said that I was not taking part in the business bccausc the
Institute had suffered much change with regard to poverty, enclosure, domestic
discipline, customs; in one word, in the Constitutions. That the Institute which
had received this rule in 1893 was not the same now; hence until there was an
obligation in conscience to intervene in affairs, I would not cooperate...*1 One
proof of their unyielding stancc: the Assistants refused to vote for the Sisters
in the Novitiate who had completed their time of formation and were ready to
receive the habit or to make their first vows. M. Pilar's reply was also rccordcd
in the Minutes: «I ask you for signed, written proof of the imputations, with
mention of concrcte facts; bccausc if I do not know the faults, how can I curc
them? And when you have this ready we shall have another meeting*2.
The Assistants grumbled about M. Pilar's attitude. They said it was
not easy to point out concrete facts. (It would not be easy, but in justice, it was
the only way of upholding such a serious accusation against M. General).
Some very trivial matters were mentioned in that lamentable meeting3.
The result of the meeting on 19th was a letter written by M. Purisima
to M. Pilar. She wrote in the name of the four Assistants: «... Some time ago
wc let the Cardinal know about our fears and anxieties, asking him to consider
the matter, ready to do anything he may order*4.
The Cardinal's reply was not a letter addressed to the Assistants, but
1
Minutes quoted in Chronicles, MARIA D E LA CRUZ III, p. 856.
2
Ibid. The original Minutes were destroyed as will be explained later.
3
This referred to the previous Christmas when the Novices and postulants had amused
themselves too much by singing and dancing - this was the opinion of the Assistants.
4 29th January 1902.
C. 6. The «passion» of M. Pilar 547
a very harsh admonition to M. Pilar, It is not easy to understand why the

Cardinal should have formed an opinion without hearing her side; or why he
did not think of balancing the accusations of the Assistants with a view of the
other side. And even if he did not think that the General's reasons should be
given equal consideration with those adduced by the four Assistants, he was at
least obliged to listen to the General's defence.
Even though by this time M. Pilar had lost the trust of the four
persons with her, the Cardinal's letter must have been a tremendous blow for
her. She wrote a letter about this time: «Without the Cardinal speaking to me
at all, a terrible letter has come to me; it is awful; D. Santiago 5 and his
substitute are dismayed and astonished* 5 *. She realised then that for months
she had been judged behind her back by the very persons who normally would
have to help her. In the light of that letter it can be seen how risky had been
some of her decisions, although they had been just and reasonable in
themselves.
For example, the appointment of the Mistress of Noviccs. If M.
Sacred Heart had been aware of the state of affairs, would she have advised
her sister to continue «turning things upside down*?
There was a long, solemn introduction to the Cardinal's letter:
«I am writing these lines with paternal affection as Protector of the

Institute, and to fulfil my earnest desires for the prosperity and greater
sanctification of the good souls who have consecrated themselves to
Our Lord in it. I will begin by asking you to accept them as a gracc
from God to you, and to read them in a spirit of faith and gratitude
towards Him; and if possible, kneeling before Jesus in the Blessed
Sacrament*.
The introduction continued by calling upon the «sentiments of trust

and submission* of M. Pilar for the Cardinal; his responsibility and that of the
General for «all those souls which belong to that Institute*; a strong desire not
to defraud the Religious, and that the General might not have to «wecp
bitterly* one day when there was then no possibility of finding a cure for the
situation, etc. He made a clear threat about the official intervention of the
Sacred Congregation for Religious if his own paternal admonition was without
effect.
«Make an act of faith in the presence of God, believing that my

words come from Him; an act of resignation for the sacrifices and any
5
Fr. Urrfburu.
S
* To M. Presentation Arrola, 9th February 1902.
548 Part four: 1893-1925
humiliations, real or imaginary, which may result - and do not forget

that the glory of a religious soul is in its greater humiliation a firm
resolution from today not to seek anything but the exact fulfilment of
your duties, and not minding whether your kind acts are praised and
appreciated - acts which perhaps when considered conscientiously
should not be granted. And read what I am going to say, moved only
by concern for the good of the Institute*.
At this point the accusations began. There was reference to the

enclosure, administration, relations with the Assistants, the Third Probation,
and regular discipline. He mentioned in particular the opposition between M.
General and M. Purisima: «... it is clear that there is now strong antagonism
between you and the first Assistant... Only on this account it was not fitting for
you to take away the charge of Mistress of Novices...*
Referring to the Council meetings the Cardinal said:
«... Your lack of clarity and of sincerity, the imperious tone in which
you propose matters, make the situation of the Assistants embarrassing
and their presence in the Council useless...*
The conclusions of the document were like the final chords of a tragic,
violent symphony:
«Finally, on account of the many, serious complaints I have rcccived,

allow me to say that you must enter into yourself, examine carefully
your whole procedure and think if perhaps your manner of governing
is more fitting for a secular than for a Religious. If you grant
excessive favours, recreations, extraordinary things, aimed more at
some human purpose than the moral good of all the Religious; if you
have too much confidence with some, if you seek more to give orders
than to govern, to impose yourself rather than attract, to raise yourself
up rather than serve the Institute. And when you have thought and
meditated upon all this, act with reflection and peacefully; pray to Our
Lord, pray to Our Lady for help, and begin to sacrifice and cut off
whatever may be necessary in your conduct, beginning, above all and
before all, to renew the bonds of mutual harmony, understanding and
love which should unite you with the Assistants, seeking to be the first
in giving way, in humbling yourself, in submitting yourself...*
The Cardinal foresaw the possibility that M. Pilar would want to give
a full explanation of everything dircctly to him; but he prevented that: «... Do
not seek a remedy by coming immediately to Rome, but try there, with your
works, to repair and meet the serious complaints which I have mentioned*.
C.6. The «passion» of M. Pilar 549
And he ordered that the Council, which was then in Valladolid, should go
immediately to Madrid.
«Finally, do not think that this letter is caused by a persecution

against you in the Institute. It arises from a perfect, studied
knowledge of the needs of the Institute and of the abuse which,
perhaps without your full knowledge, has been committed.
Thinking tbe opposite would be a temptation of the devil, which
should make you ask pardon of Our Lord for the things which may
have caused such blindness*.
The Cardinal sent a copy of this long letter to the Assistants (by doing
so he stressed its judgement and condemnation of the General, which was very
far from what he had claimed his letter to be at the beginning; that is a
paternal admonition). The four Assistants read the letter together. Maria de
la Cruz wrote that they thought it was «written in very harsh terms* 6 . Maria
del Carmen Aranda is much more explicit:
«Whcn I finished reading the letter I was filled with indignation, and
I don't know what I said; or how; but I do remember that I said there
were things in it which were not justifiable... and I was going to write
to Fr. Enrique 7 ... I protested to the Mothers about the way things
were twisted in the letter and the way of treating one who is a
Religious as well as a lady...*8
Some years later, when remembering and commenting on the

Cardinal's letter, M. Maria del Carmen wrote a paragraph which might well
serve as a general response to many of the accusations. She mentioned the
atmosphere surrounding M. Pilar, especially in the meetings of the Council:
«M. General is very confused in speaking, but 1 have never known

anyone more sincere than she is. It was not she who inhibited the
Assistants; it was we who inhibited and disturbed her with our
insolence and systematic opposition, so that she did not know what to
say. But she was always very patient and treated us more kindly than
we deserved* 9 .
6
7
Fr. Enrique Perez, an old fnend of Ihe Institute.
8
History of M. Pilar X , p. 341.
9
Ibid., p. 350.
550 Part four: 1893-1925
M. Pilar herself acknowledged that sometimes in those meetings she

was unable to follow those arguments in which she was addressed by four
persons at once. «... We must ask the King for an extraordinary triumph, for
D. Leandro gets so bewildered that she does not even know what she is
saying*, she wrote about this time 10 . And again: «We had a meeting on
Wednesday in which there was so much talking that Luz has not yet been able
to write the Minutes 11 . As it is all arguing, you can see how difficult it is for
Leandra. Her Master has to do everything, and we must pray for that until
further notice. Or perhaps the Master will settle everything to His greater glory
before we go any further. Ay, I want nothing but to surrender myself with
complete faith, and lasting hope and charity to Him to fulfd His divine will in
everything*12.
The reply to the Cardinal
M. Pilar returned to Madrid at the end of February with the

Assistants, following the Cardinal's advice. During the whole of the spring of
1902 the General Council met very often to deal with the disputed points in the
government of the Institute. On 2nd May discussion centred on the accusations
made against the General conccrning the way of fulfilling the mission of
worship of the Eucharist. M. Pilar explained the question as follows:
«Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament is an essential part of our

Institute, and wc should give this devotion a preferential place,
everyone considering it a most important rule of the constitution. And
this is happening, thanks be to God. Everyone makes their adoration
each day. There is adoration the whole night from Thursday to Friday
each week; and Holy Hour on the other nights of the year; and in the
houses where there are more Sisters, also during the night of the feasts
indicated in the Constitutions. On this point of night adoration, the
Constitutions enjoin us to have a care for health, and they state
expressly... that the General may give a dispensation more easily when
a house has not sufficient personnel to have this without detriment to
health...* 13
10
Letter to Maria de los Santos, l t t h April 1902. «Don Leandron - M. Pilar.
11
M. Luz Castaniza, the General Secretary.
12
Letter to Maria de los Santos, 14th April 1902.
13
Minutes of Council Meetings, 2nd May 1902.
In letters and in conversations the Assistants had criticized M.

General's tendency to dispense easily from night adoration, or in special
circumstances to reduce the time of Exposition of the Blessed Saerament, which
in all the houses of the Institute is maintained as the means of «bringing Christ
to be adored by the people*. The criticisms were based on vague, inexact
generalizations, and the truth is that when M. Pilar presented her statement to
the Council no one denied that it was true. It was particularly unjust to bhime
her on this point, becausc although she had always maintained that fulfilling the
Constitutions to the letter should not involve a tyranny which would crush the
spirit - (still less in matters affecting the heart of the Institute) - yet it is a fact
that all the Religious needed some restraint on this point, rather than a spur.
In this situation, in an Institute so sorely tried by illness and early deaths, M.
Pilar had considered it her duty to watch with care over young Religious with
poor health, or Religious overburdened with work, for persons who gave
themselves to God and to the Institute without considering their physical
strength. On one occasion, speaking to the community in Cadiz, she said: «...
Now I am going to say a little against those rigorist persons who look on God
as a tyrant. No, Sisters, for love of God, don't be like that; God is a Father,
very much a Father*. That day she forbade them to have their adorations
prolonged too much, full of desires as they were to have exposition of the
Blessed Sacrament all the nights indicated in the Constitutions. Each Sister
was allowed but was not ordered to have one hour of adoration at night each
week. «And, if there are not enough persons, and one day there are not
sufficient Sisters for adoration, then go to sleep quite peacefully in God's arms.
Rest with God Our Lord* 14 .
Far beyond everything that M. Pilar might say about her love for the
Eucharist was the witness of her life. Some very touching incidents are told
about her. She said one day to the choir Mistress in Rome^! «Maria I am
very tired today; I worked very hard this morning; I am going to have adoration
at twelve because I need to be with Our Lord*". «... When she was tired out
with walking about the streets at the time of foundations, she used to say: "Now
we are going to rest", and her rest was kneeling before His divine Majesty* 17 .
The accounts written at the time of M. Pilar's death are confirmed in the facts
contained in documents written at the time of the events; these were detailed
accounts not written as an exercise in apologetics, and are therefore more
trustworthy. We shall quote only one out of many. A letter written by M. Pilar
14
Instructions for the community in Cadiz during the canonical visitation of 1896. Notes taken
by one of the religious.
15
The «Choir mistress* was the religious in charge of the liturgy and cult.
16
An account written by M. Inmaculada Gracia after M. Pilar's death
17 Written by M. Transfiguraci6n Valdelomar from dictation by M. Maria del Salvador.
552 Pan four: 1893-1925
from La Coruna to the Superior in Rome: «My dear Patrocinio: On the feast
of St. Peter we sailed from Cadiz, and yesterday we stayed in Vigo, our Fust
stop; we were in a bad state on account of the storm which was terrible...
From Vigo we had a train journey of one hour and a half, and we arrived here
last night where we found everyone well and happy, thank God... As today is
Friday, the Master was waiting for us on his royal throne. And what a
consolation it was to have an audience with Him immediately! Our sorrow was
that the Mothers would not agree to wait for us and leave us in adoration from
twelve till one; it was twelve when we arrived...*18 After a journey of more
than two days, the best rest for her would have been to stay for a time in
adoration. The joy of that meeting with «the Master* mentioned with such
simplicity b a personal letter, links up directly with the love of the Eucharist
of many generations of the Institute, «the life and joy* of the houses and
communities of Handmaids from the foundation until those years in which M.
Pilar with such efforts was working to carry on the government.
In the measure m which the sufferings of that General were bcreasbg,
her life with the Eucharist became more and more the experience of Christ
«power and wisdom* (1 Cor 1,24), the strength which sustams b weakness. «I
have noticed that if one does not o b t a b consolation, one does get strength
from going to the Blessed Sacrament and gazing at the Sacred Host. When
you are overburdened, do that, leaving everything else; it helps to soothe one
and then as you can, ask for light and gracc* 19 .
The meetings of the General Consultors ended for the time being with
the one on 2nd May. As might have been feared, those many sessions did not
result b any greater light. On some pobts of administration the position of M.
Pilar and those of the Assistants appeared to be unyieldbg. Neither was it easy
to o b t a b any agreement on the question of the appobtment of the Mistress of
Novices, an appobtment which the General had made with the vote of the
majority, but which the Council did not acknowledge now and was not
approved by the Protector. One day M. Pilar said: «Mothers, I have given you
all my reasons, and I cannot think of anything else. My opinion is that when
this is over, a copy of everything should be sent to the Cardbal, and His
Embence should deride* 20 . The Assistants were bdignant at this because
they considered that the General had already been judged by the Cardbal, and
hence had not even the right to present her own opbions for a new judgement.
M. Maria de la Cruz said: «The Assistants wrote almost every day to the
Cardbal about all that was happenbg, giving every detail so that he might
18
Letter to M. Patrocinio, 3rd July 1896.
19
Letter to Maria de los Santos, 9th September 1902, and the same idea is found in letter to
M. Natividad Orue, 2nd February 1903 and to Maria de los Santos, 1st June 1903.
20
Minutes of 6th A p r i l 1902.
quickly find a remedy. Those who wrote most were M. Purisima and M. Maria
del Carmen... When it was about a serious matter, M. Maria de la Purisima
used to write as first Assistant, and the others signed* 21 . This was confirmed
by Maria del Carmen: «... I put all my energy, all my activity, my whole self
into this sad affair... I had no other aim but the good of the Institute, but I was
deceived*22. After writing the Minutes of the sessions of the General
meetings, M. Maria del Carmen herself wrote: «I think there is no need to say
anything about them. They speak for themselves. I would add only what St.
Ignatius puts at the end of the meditations of the first week of the Exercises.
Feelings-, of shame, of confusion, of sorrow, of repentance. Yes, I am feeling
all that: repentance, sorrow, confusion, shame...* 23
«... God Our Lord has made me see

how unjust I was*
M. Pilar's experience in the final months, and especially after receiving

the letter from the Cardinal Protector when she saw clearly the attitude of the
Assistants, was decisive in the maturing of her spirit. That injustice had caused
her intense pain. But not only that; the letter, the accusations it contained and
those she heard daily by word of mouth, were a call for her to purify her heart
through greater rectitude and a more generous surrender to the divine will.
«My God, may your holy Mother guide me and prevent me from
offending you, and may our mother, the Congregation, receive no
harm to her honour or to anything good* 24 .
«May the Master, through His holy Mother guide us all... and take
away by force - if there is no other way - our freedom to act against
His holy will*25.
«Don't be worried about Mother 26 or about me... How could He

not defend the Mother who is innocent, He who reared her, He who
brought her from the wound of His Sacred Heart and gave her his
21
Chronicles HI, p. 946.
22
History of M. Pilar X, p. 175.
23
Ibid. XI, p. 92-3.
24
Letter to M. Maria dc los Santos, 19th January 1902.
25
Ibid. 21st January 1902.
^ Meaning the Congregation.
554 Part four: 1893-1925
own blessed name? Don't worry about me either, because it is doing

me no harm, rather it is purifying me. Besides, the Master helps
me...» 27
«... Let us cling more and more closely to Our Lord by means of
humble contrition for our sins, and for those of others, for who knows
what sins have been and are being committed? And at the same time,
with faith, mortification and tears let us entreat the only One who sees
what is done even in the depths of the earth, who measures their being
and in whose hands to want is to do...*28
«Humble contrition* for her sins naturally confronted her with the
past, with her attitudes of years gone by. Her repentance was not just recent.
Her sorrow for all that she had made M. Sacred Heart suffer had been with
her from the time she began to govern the Institute. Nevertheless M. Pilar now
felt the need to ask pardon, we might say officially, of her sister:
«My dear sister: For some time God Our Lord has been making
me see how unjust I was not to examine the accusations made against
you; that is, that it was you alone who caused the expenditure in the
Institute, etc. etc.
I realise that this was not so, and filled with deep repentance, I beg
you on my knees, for the sake of the Sacred Heart of Jesus, to pardon
me; I promise to make up for my behaviour on this point as soon as
I have an opportunity for doing so.
Grant me this pardon with a complete, sinccre will, and offer some
religious act that the Sacrcd Heart may cancel this debt, and that all
may be for the divine honour and glory and the benefit of the
Congregation of Handmaids.
Your sister, the most unworthy of them, Maria del Pilar A,CJ.» 2 9
We do not know M. Sacred Heart's first reply to this letter, but we do

have some idea from the letter M, Pilar wrote on 26th May: «May God reward
you for the pardon you have so generously granted me, and may it help for the
ends I suggest: let us pray and hope in Him, who blesses all that is good and
just». She went on to speak of other things, then ended by saying: «No more
for today, from your sister who embraces you and who is very grateful to
you...»
27
Letter to the same 12th February 1902.
28
Ibid. 10th August 1902.
29
A few days later, M. Sacred Heart wrote again: It was not sufficient
for her just to pardon.. She wanted everything to be forgotten; and this, not
only because her humble generosity caused her to make litde account of
offences, but for the great obsession which was hers throughout her life: the
good of the Institute. She had accepted obscurity and oblivion for the sake of
concord and peace. And now, for the sake of peace and unity of hearts she
was ready to renounce any justification which might arouse new worries.
«I forgot to say to you something I think necessary: be careful in

speaking to Maria de Jesus, San Jos6 and Paz, etc. . They think
that I receive their letters unopened, and they let mc know that you
speak to them about your difficulties, and show you are upset; and I
don't think it discreet that anyone who reads the letters before 1 do
should know that 31 .
Trust only a very few with your innermost thoughts, becausc without
meaning to do so they do great harm, some out of simplicity, some
because they are too prudent, others because they consider themselves
humiliated, and all of them because God allows it for the sake of
sanctifi cation.
Another thing I forgot to say which I think is very important: with
regard to myself, do not attempt, by word - and still less by acts - to
change anything in order to give mc back what you believe has been
taken from me. You must leave all this in perfect oblivion, at least for
the time being. First of all, because it is necessary; secondly, because
it would harm the Congregation, which can only be helped, like a very
sick person, with very much patience and fortitude... And you, give
way, in everything you can; and I to suffer unto death, if that is what
Our Lord wants...»
With increased gratitude, M. Pilar in reply sent M. Sacred Heart her

last letter before joining her in Rome to suffer with her in the final painful
trials of her term of office.
«My dear sister: This will arrive late, but my spiritual greeting will
not be late, because I am offering it today, and tomorrow DV I am
30
The three belonged to the first group in the Institute, and were very fond of the
Foundresses.
31
It was the common practice in Religious Institutes for the Superior to receive and open
letters before handing them to the subjects. M. Sacred Heart would accept no privilege on this
point.
32
Letter undated, but probably of 1st June 1902.
556 Part four: 1893-1925
offering everything*.
This was the eve of the feast of the «Master of the Institute* whose
name was borne by Raphaela Mary Porras, the first General. The greeting
from her sister, M. Pilar, was united to a petition suited to the time in which
they were both living:
«Pray to the Sacrcd Heart of Jesus that we may always and in

everything imitate Him as well as human misery can imitate Him,
above all by accepting His holy will with abnegation, for this is short
hved, and in loss is the greatest gain and the most assured, as He
teaches us with His whole holy life, passion and death...*33
Rome, Villa «Spithover»
At the time of the difficulties and struggles in Madrid, the community

in Rome had finally rented a large cheerful house: the villa «Spithover». The
work involved in the move gave some distraction, but it did not impede worry
about the problems of government in the Institute. The correspondence
between M. Patrocinio and M. Pilar shows clearly that the Superior of the
house in Rome was closely united to M. General, who knew all the difficulties.
«I do not know how the Cardinal who is so holy, can be so partial as you
mention. For who would think that having heard one side, he would not want
to listen to the other, which has as much right as the first; even more because
to pass judgement on a case both sides must be heard! It is God who allows
these things... Much for bearancc and patience is needed. Forgive me for
stepping in and speaking about what I do not understand; but it has slipped
out, and you will accept my desire to console you in your troubles...*34 From
that same correspondence it can be deduced that out of kindness M. Patrocinio
tried to keep knowledge of the problems away from M. Sacred Heart. «... She
docs not know anything, but I think she guesses something, because she asks
if the Mothers are still in Madrid, and we can see that she is worried...*35 She
did not know the facts about the Cardinal's letter, or that the matter was about
to reach the Sacred Congregation. But she did fear the worst becausc she was
aware of the constant opposition of the Assistants against M. Pilar, and of the
disunion between them. The uncertainty and the lack of concrete news was a
new torture for her, for she loved the Institute with all her heart, and deeply
33
Leuer of 5th June 1902.
34
Letter of 23ni April 1902.
loved her sister, the General who was in danger.

In spite of this suffering, b addition now to that of the monotony of
her days and her years, M. Sacred Heart continued to foster her relationships
with different persons based especially on her concern for them all. She never
ceased to write letters filled with ldndness, with a calm joy perfectly compatible
with her painful anxiety.
The following letter, addressed to M. Maria de la Cruz, is an example:
«My dear Mother in Jesus: May the Child tell you all that I desire
for you on your feast day. This is the last time He will go, if He does
come agab. I don't know how He has got away because He was very
happy in the villa36. With me, just like that; I may be mistaken, but
I think He is sorry to leave me; He says that He likes to be with the
completely poor little ones, as I am. Really, Mother, I am poor, very
poor, and full of years now. If I did not trust in His mcrcy, I just
don't know!
This is very pleasant here, enough to praise God. May He be
blessed. I can see all the principal domes of the churches in Rome
from my room, and nearly the whole facade of some of them, like St.
Peter's and St. Ignatius'.
I wrote to M. Maria de Jesus when her mother died (RIP); the
letter must have been lost. I did the principal thing, that is, I prayed
for her.
I know that M. Encarnacion is the same...
About our sick ones: M. Superior has been almost paralyzed for
several months; she is a little better now, but still bad; we'll see if they
can relieve her. Margarita is still going on; she will last for some time
with her energy. Leonor is not worse, but she is not well, and Maria
de Jesus is becoming lifeless; we'll see how she ends.
This life is a mixture of sorrows and joys; Our Lord arranges it like
that so that we do not become attached to it. May He help us to
obtain good from everything according to His will, and may I breathe
my last united to that; I embrace you b Jesus, your sister and servant,
Mary of the Sacred Heart, A.CJ. Remember me to Natividad37.
What has happened to her hand?* 38
She was writing to an Assistant General, and she must have

remembered that she was one of those causing problems in the Institute at that
She was referring to the picture of the Child Jesus, mentioned before.
37
She was a sister of M. Maria de ia Cruz, also a Handmaid.
38
Letter written at the end of April 1902.
558 Part four: 1893-1925
time. But she did not allude to that; rather, the tone of her letter revealed the
wisdom of one who knows this life, a ^mixture of sorrows and joys», but above
all the need to accept God's will with generosity.
Mgr. Guisasola intervenes
In May, the Sacred Congregation, having been informed of the

difficulties by the Assistants, commissioned the Bishop of Madrid to visit the
house informally and to give a report 39 . The Bishop was Mgr. Victoriano
Guisasola, a great friend of the Foundresses from the beginning of the Institute.
The Assistants, M. Purisima principally, were suspicious about his intervention.
Fr. Enrique Pdrez, a supporter of the consultors in this unfortunate affair
calmed them down by assuring them that «if the report was not well founded"
it would have no effect at all on the decision that had to be made 40 . The
prejudice which abounded in the whole process may be inferred from many
such details.
Don Victoriano Guisasola spoke to the Assistants. Maria del Carmen
Aranda summed up the Bishop's words41: «He told of his very sorrowful
surprise at the number of charges brought against M. General, which seemed
to reveal a desire to conspire together against her, when it should be realized
that she was the Foundress and the Mother of them all, and it seemed natural
that she should be allowed a certain freedom of action».
Guisasola, truly dejectcd, suggested that the General and the Assistants
should resign from their posts, leaving the way open for the Sacred
Congregation to decide what it considered suitable. He judged that the right
thing to do would be to appoint a Vicar who was not one of the five Mothers,
until a general meeting could freely elect a new governing body. The Assistants
replied that as the Sacred Congregation was informed of the situation, they did
not dare to resign without counting on the Cardinal Protector.
The Protector praised the Assistants and told the Bishop that it was
not his business to advise or to accept resignations. (Guisasola replied that he
had never thought of accepting resignations, but his opinion was that the
Council should prove itself ready for the action of the Sacred Congregation).
M. Pilar had no obligation towards the Sacred Congregation; she
39
Before setting out on this commission the Bishop visited the house in Obelisk Parade,
having been asked by M. Purisima, » t o , according to M. Maria del Carmen, was afraid that he
might side with the General. She even thought that the two had spoken together, but that was
not so. He first heard of the difficulties when he arrived at Obelisk Parade; he was greatly
surprised, and M. Pilar was very much upset.
40
History ofM. Pilar XI, p. 99.
41 Ibid., p. 102.
simply accepted the Bishop's suggestion and presented her resignation. And -
added Maria del Carmen Aranda - «this person, who said that he would not
send one without them all, sent M. General's resignation to the Sacred
Congregation together with his report; he was very much edified with her, and
badly impressed by the Assistants*42.
In Rome a few persons tried to counteract the influence of the

unfavourable reports reaching the Cardinal Protector about M. Pilar. Fr. La
Torre, who is well known to us on account of his post in the Society and for his
previous interventions with the General Council of the Handmaids, was
convinced of the uprightness of the General and of the prejudice of the
Assistants. Fr. Enrique Perez wanted to convince him of the opposite, and
showed him a report from a member of the community in Valladolid in wliich
M. Pilar was accused of the same faults as those mentioned by the Assistants.
But Fr. La Torre saw in that declaration which arrived through M. Purisima,
one more proof of the injustice of that process whereby in every possible way
they were seeking to condemn a person who deserved consideration in the
Institute for so many reasons. Then Fr. La Torre thought he should advise M.
Pilar to inform the Superiors of the houses about the situation, and even some
of the more senior Religious, so that they might inform the Cardinal about the
matter 43 .
There can be no doubt about Fr. La Torre's good intention in giving
this advice to M. Pilar; but it is just as ccrtain that his suggestion brought about
an extraordinary state of confusion, which encouraged discord. M. Pilar was
communicativc by temperament, and she had already spoken of her difficulties
to some Religious, but only to a few. Now a real feud began b which almost
the whole Institute as a body wanted to witness m favour of the General. A
shower of written reports reachcd the Cardinal Protector. In fact, they reached
Fr. Enrique Perez and the Cardinal's Secretary, because the Cardinal himself
never studied the affair.
The crisis began to affect the base of the Institute. The divisions b the
government were felt b the communities. That sort of holy war threatened to
ruin harmony, and the good btentions of the majority were not sufficient to
heal the breaches made b community life. M. Maria del Carmen Aranda
wrote: «The whole Institute was affected, and because of the extraordbary love
of the Heart of Jesus for His Handmaids the damage to the spirit was not
irreparable or without remedy. But how much damage there was!» At the
time when this was written44 M. Maria del Carmen did not hesitate to place
42
Ibid., p. 109.
43
Ibid., p. 110-1.
44 .. .
Ibid, written between 1903 and 1912.
560 Partf o u r :1893-1925
the responsibility for so much harm onto the General Assistants, and she did
not exclude herself: «And I, I who could see M. Purisima's actions, and even
those of the others... I was blind! I marvelled at the virtues of M. General, but
I was afraid that she would ruin the spirit of observance as we understood
it...»45 On the other hand she saw that the salvation of the Institute rested
with the two Foundresses: «... The Institute did not perish because of the
virtues and sacrifices of both of them... M. Sacred Heart in the first place, and
M. Pilar...®46
«I prayed and suffered unspeakably in silence...®
After a kind of collapse which lasted well into the summer, the
Cardinal Protector called the Mothers of the Council to meet him in Rome.
M. Patrocinio wrote to M. Pilar47: «I have told M. Sacred Heart that you and
the others are coming, and thank God, she has acccpted it well. I have only
said that His Eminence has called you because he has learned that there is
some misunderstanding, etc., just very vaguely, for if you want her to know
more, it will be better when you are here...*
M. Pilar arrived at the end of August with her Secretary and M. Maria
de la Cruz; the other three Assistants arrived a few days later. It was the
beginning of the final stage of a government which it may be said had not
known even one normal year.
M. Sacred Heart wrote of her impressions during those days, much
later on. They were private notes to help her in a conversation with an
apostolic visitor (Bologna 1907), and hence they were not well constructed;
there are some unfinished sentences, and veiled mentions of events. But some
parts are truly revealing:
«I did not know what was happening when M. Pilar and then the
Assistants came to Rome; although I sensed something, and I saw
God's mercy for his Handmaid, for Inds48. I was silent and did noL
want to probe into what was happening. I was praying and suffering
unspeakably in silence. The more things advanced, the nearer I saw
the ending; and in order to get things a little clearer I asked M. Pilar;
but she told me to go to the Assistants. I went to M. Margarita, and
she told me I must go to M. Pilar, or get her permission. Then I told
45
ibid., p. 116.
46
Ibid., p. 90-1.
47
48
She means herself.
her that I understood perfectly what was happening; the Assistants

were doing among themselves what the previous ones had done with
the deposed General, and the present Protector was helping with his
influence just as the previous one had done. So, for charity's sake, for
love of the good name of the Institute and for union, let them wait for
the two years still left to M. General's term of office, and then they
could appoint another one. Tbe dishonour would be theirs, became
they removed the first one saying she was of no use, and they chose
this one because she was going to do b the Institute... the same as the
architect did to save the obelisk b the plaza from breakbg: "The ropes
are burning! Water!", and it was saved m spite of the sentence of death
on anyone who spoke*49.
«ln6s was silent, and said to herself: "May the Lord make you a
prophet", because she could see the outcome then. Think about it, for
love of God, and stop everythbg. I left her very thoughtful, and I
went away»50.
That is very impressive. M. Sacred Heart took upon herself the

defence of her sister, making no account of her own personal concerns, and
with no shade of bitterness b her thoughts of the past. But above all she was
trying to ward off the new storm which was threatening the Institute. At that
moment she was not thinking of any particular point of the Constitutions, but
included b her concern every member of that wounded body. She -- prayed and
suffered b silence unspeakably* for them, begging God for a return of unity.
She prayed with heartrending words: «for the sake of charity*, «for love of the
good name of the Institute, and for union*, «for the love of God...* In the face
of this danger what mattered her sorrows, her years of obscurity, the past and
present bterpretations of her conduct, the hasty, unfounded opinion about her
bcapacity?
«Pray for faith, humility, patience,

fortitude and constancy for me»
M. Pilar's first impressions on her arrival b Rome may be found m the

letters she wrote at that time to some of the Superiors. «Mr. Calasancio has
not been yet, but the Augustinian has been*, she was referring to the Cardbal
Protector and to Fr. Enrique P6rez, «and I have to overcome myself a lot when
I see him; will that be ill-feeling? May God not allow that... There are some
49 A Roman tradition from the time of the move of the Obelisk to St. Peter's Square.
50 Writing by M. Sacred Heart.
562 Part four: 1893-1925
mistaken opinions, and Mr. Calasancio (the Cardinal) has no mind to make
further inquiries. In fact, he has made his plan, and it has to be put into action
now... Pray for faith, humility, patience, fortitude and constancy for me, because
I think there will be another battle, and it will be decisive, and Leandra's
behaviour will be very important for the holy Mother 51 . I am afraid for this
poor one, because she feels and suffers so much!*52
This first letter ends with a significant comment: «M, Sacred Heart is
thinner... She is the one to whom I speak least, and the one who concerns me
most*.
After much negotiating, and endless conversations and steps taken to
reach a solution for the conflict, the year 1902 was coming to an end and
everything was going on the same. It was difficult to harmonize such distinct
positions; in this case it was almost impossible on account of the personal
stance of some of the Assistants. They began to think that the best conclusion
would be to appoint a Vicar; and at one time thoughts turned to M. Luz
Castaniza, the General Secretary. «The Cardinal said something about this...
M. Purisima said that would be against the rights or the Constitutions, which
indicated the first Assistant for this charge...*53 The defence of the
Constitutions was mixed with personal interests, and quite tragically some
persons did not seem to be aware of this.
In November there was a further development, recounted in later
writings and in letters written at that time.
«Finally, on the feast of the Presentation of Our Lady, the Cardinal

came, and he called the M. General, the Secretary and the Assistants.
He told us that he had decided to solve our business by applying the
Norms... He declared his intention in the following words: 'These
Norms are to be applied, therefore neither what you want will be done
- indicating M. General - nor what you want" - addressing the
Assistants...* 54
Everyone was greatly dismayed, because applying the Norms meant in

some way removing the Ignatian inspiration, not only from this or that point of
the Constitutions, but from the whole Institute55. It Ls curious to see that the
Assistants considered it intolerable that those Norms, which all new Institutes
had to follow, limited the General's authority by means of a deliberative vote
51
Meaning the Congregation.
52
Meaning herself. Letter to Maria de los Santos and Philomena Goiri, 29th August 1902.
53
History ofM. Pilar XI, p. 127-8.
54
Ibid., p. 129-30.
Norms of S. Cong, for approving new Institutes with simple vows, Rome 1901.
of the Consultors for almost every business matter...

Then they sought the intervention of Fr. Bucceroni. When he knew
what the Sacred Congregation wanted to do he suggested that the General and
her Assistants should sign a document drawn up by him asking that the
Constitutions should not be touched. Bucceroni believed that if they succeeded
in obtaining what they asked in that petition, all the discussion which had
disturbed the peace would end.
«M. General told Fr. Bucceroni that she was ready to accept Ms
proposal. But M. Purisima and M. Maria dc la Cruz were not; M.
Margarita and I were willing56. MM. Purisima and Maria de la Cruz
were daring enough to send a message to the General through the
Secretary. If the document were signed, would she be satisfied with
taking the resignations as accepted, and then appoint a new Mistress
of Noviccs; that is, would she proceed according to the
Constitutions?57
M. General answered simply that she believed she had always
adhered to the Constitutions for her decisions...*58
M. Pilar wrote to a Superior in Spain59: «Hcrc we are still struggling

about the changes in the Rule 60 , and I am afraid the change is going to be
great. How sorry I am! But, what can I do? I trust that some relief will come
out of all this confusion. The ladies did not want to join me in giving
explanations, and I think they imagine I do not mind; nothing of the kind; they
are probably not suffering or working more than I am... They are continually
going about and getting excited, carefully hiding from me what they are doing;
I leave them to be guided and helped by the Senor Ancianito*61.
M. Maria del Carmen's words confirm this: «Wc have not the slightest
obstacle for going out, for receiving visitors, or for receiving letters. M.
General's behaviour is as honourable as possible...*62
^ Written by M. Maria dei Carmen Aranda.

57 Some of the points under discussion regarding administration and Assistants' intervention.
58
History of M. Pilar XI, p. i48-9.
CO
To M. Presentation Arrola, 15th December 1902.
Meaning the Constitutions.
Fr. La Torre; he himself signed that name sometimes.
«M. Purisima acted with great independence...)) History of M. Pilar XI, p. 151-2.
564 Part four: 1893-1925
«... My sorrows in the wound of your Heart...*
The General Council's stay in Rome was becoming too prolonged.

What was M. Sacred Heart doing all this time? Nothing special exteriorly. She
noticed. She saw the Assistants' goings and comings, the sorrowful, yet serene,
expression of her sister. She knew little about the course of events (and it was
not easy to be better informed because no one could predict the end of that
affair). She prayed. Perhaps as never before she considered that she should
apply herself to «this task» which had now been her only duty for so many
years.
In the meantime M. General also was praying very much. M. Maria
del Carmen wrote: «Almost every night, or every night, she went to adoration.
After the reservation of the Blessed Sacramcnt she could be seen kneeling, with
her hands joined, and with an indescribable expression of sorrow, praying at the
foot of the tabernacle*63.
Even the witnesses least favourable to the Foundresses affirm their
extraordinary insistence on prayer, that heroic trust in the only thing which
could save, and which in this ease did save the Institute. M. Maria de la Cruz
wrote:
«M. General asked for many Masses to be offered that Our Lord
might cure the situation, and she went to Holy Hour almost every
night... She placcd her petitions under the altar cloths and on the altar.
Several times the following were found, in her own handwriting; I am
copying them to show the great sorrow that M. General was suffering
in her heart and in her soul. One of them says: "Our Father St.
Ignatius of Loyola, save your Institute and always protect it". Another
one: "Most Sacred Heart of Our Lord and Master Jesus, I place all
this business of your Family in your hands, and in the wound of your
Heart I place my sorrows, my troubles and difficulties". "My Mother
of Sorrows, be the Protectress of our Family, and my Mistress, my
Lady and my Mother". "All the court of heaven, pray!"*64
M. Pilar included in her litany the citizens of heaven who had been
together with her on this earth and had been so good to the Institute: «Fr.
Mazzella, use in heaven your affection for the Handmaids* 65 . These
ejaculations expressed M. Pilar's interior attitude of prayer. Some months
before she had written a petition for the Institute. She had placed it in a sealed
63
Ibid. XII, p. 50.
64
Chronicles III, p, 1035-6.
65
Ibid.
envelope and had ordered it to be put upon the altar in the church in
Valladolid. It was a very touching prayer, heart speaking to heart, intended to
be a secret known only to God:
«Eternal Father: I make the following prayer in the name of all

your community of Handmaids of your Sacred Heart, with all honesty
and desiring that all may be for the greater honour and glory of the
most Holy Trinity, especially of the Sacred Heart of Jesus, offering all
the holy sacrifices celebrated on this altar for a favourable hearing and
answer; may they cry out constantly...: That each member in particular
may be holy according to the Constitutions and rules, and that no one
may wish, seek or desire anything but to live in abnegation and in the
divine pleasure with complete uprightness and fortitude, and may not
harm or envy anyone. And for Your Handmaid who you know wants
to fulfil your holy will with complete generosity, give her what you
command and command what you will until she goes to possess you
in heaven... I also ask that everyone who perseveres and dies in the
Institute may be a saint, and that among this number may be counted
this one, Lord, whom you know®66.
The two Foundresses had never been more closcly united than at this
sorrowful time. On other occasions they had borne similar sufferings for the
sake of the Institute; but now they were united as well by a similar, heroic act
of acceptance.
«... Pray hard in this month of St. Joseph that the holy Patriarch with
his holy Spouse may truly manage for the greater glory of the Master, and
bring an end to this business. And Oh! I would like to obtain justice,
beginning with myself...» M. Pilar wrote in February 67 . However great was
her obedience to God's will, the General feared the result of all those
negotiations; and with the humour which she never lost, she said on one
occasion, referring to St. Joseph's intercession: «... As the Saint thinks the same
as his Son, that is about tribulations and sorrows, we shall see what
happens*68.
Several copies of this letter are preserved the the Archives in Rome. They were found in
different houses, all sealed and placed on the altar.
67
Letter to M. Natividad Orue, 10th February 1903.
J-Q
Letter to M. Maria de los Santos, 17th April 1902.
566 Part four: 1893-1925
«The Pilot is very sure, and He will save us...»
Towards March things continued in suspense. Positions were

becoming clearer in the General Council, M. Maria del Carmen Aranda,
tormented by her impetuous nature which led her to act on impulse in different
directions, now began to escape from the influence which M. Purisima had had
upon her. By this time the «Bilbaina» - so-called in the Council because she
was Superior in Bilbao - had tried to resign from her post as Assistant, but had
been dissuaded by the Cardinal Protector and Fr. La Torre. She began to have
long conversations with the latter. Maria de la Cruz was still obsessed by the
idea that only M. Purisima could save the Institute and its Constitutions; and,
blinded by this obsession, she did not reflect on the means for separating M.
Pilar from the government. M. Margarita Varo continued to be just one who
completed the group, as she had done throughout the whole process.
M. Purisima sought anxiously the best way of bringing the business to
an end. She was sure, as were they all, that the Cardinal was influenced by his
Secretary, so she decided to win Fr. La Torre over to her side.
M. Pilar, summing up the attitudes of the Consultors wrote: «The
Senora Bilbaina seems to be completely converted, and is following the advice
of the Senor Ancianito. Doha Amalia is worthy of compassion for all she is
suffering; and it must be even more than she shows; her face at times is awful
(but in her general exterior she appears completely unmoved and modest)
Pray for her with kindness, for 1 think there is something wrong in that head;
pray, for it has cost the blood of God, who has given signs of special
favour*-69.
On 25th March the Secretary of Cardinal Vives went to the

Handmaids' house. He called the General and the Consultors, and in the
presence of them all and of the Secretary he solemnly read an official letter
from the Prefect of the Sacred Congregation, who had made the following
derisions and the Cardinal Protector was now informing them:
«1. The General Chapter which according to the Constitutions

should be held in June 1905 will be convoked in the coursc of this
year, leaving it to the prudent decision of His Eminence to appoint the
date he thinks most convenient for the convocation.
2. The term of office of the General Superior and her Council
will be no longer than six years70.
3. Before the General Chapter, the General Council must
69
Letter to M. Natividad Orue, 23rd February 1903.
75 Instead of the 12 years prescribed by the Constitutions.
present to this Sacred Congregation a complete, sincere, sworn

statement of the finances and property of the Institute...*71
Maria del Carmen Aranda commented: «This decision affeeted M.

General for a moment, but she soon realized, and so did I, that it was the best
thing that could happen. But not so M. Purisima... When she saw that I was
satisfied becausc this left us free of the government and of such great
responsibility, she tried to hide her displeasure and appeared to agree with
72
mc» .
The General's calmness and M. Purisima's anxiety were well founded.
Knowing the persons who had to take part in the Chapter, it was easy to
foresee the result. And if it was right that all the Assistants had been «lcft free
of the government* as M. Maria del Carmen said, there was no doubt that the
first one would have to aeccpt the most painful situation of the re-election of
M. Pilar as General 73 .
The Cardinal apointed the feast of the Sacred Heart as the day for the
opening of the Chapter. That was a little more than two months ahead, more
than sufficient for many intrigues or much lobbying between certain persons.
M. Pilar commented in May: «... One can see God's hand, but it must be
sustained by prayer and working with perfection... There is cause for these
storms; there is always something going on, and one needs patience just to see
it and not hinder it. Dona Amalia74 never stops, she has met her match in
the Capuchin's Secretary75; in his way of being talkative, with a facile tongue
and a lively imagination, activc, ctc. But don't be upset about what I am
saying, for goodness' sake; but let us ask Our Lord to take us all by the hand
and give us His knowledge that wc need. Besides, I am sure that some people
do not realize what they are doing, and these two are included in those; so,
who knows if they may even be gaining merit before God?* 76
During that time of waiting the «Capuehin's Secretary* committed a
series of outrages only to be understood by realizing his eccentricities and his
complete lack of experience in the business which had been entrusted to him
71
Translated from the Italian, addressed to Cardinal Josd Calasarc Vives, protector of the
Institute on 24th March 1903, by Cardinal Ferrata, Prefect of the S. Congregation.
72
Ilisloty of M. Pilar, XII, p. 33.
73 Both M. Maria del Carmen and M. Maria de la Cruz affirm that M. Purisima was thinking
of going to another Institute if a favourable hearing was given to M. Pilar. Chronicles III, p. 1055.
M. Purisima.
75
The Cardinal Protector.
76
U t t e r to M. Mana de los Santos, 8th May 1903.
568 Part four: 1893-1925
as if he had great knowledge of religious life77. But M. Purisima had realized

that, in spite of his great defects, it was essential to get his support because he
had influence with the Cardinal, and through him could modify the decisions
of the Sacred Congregation.
One of Fr. Rupert's deeds was to tear out the pages from the Council
Minutes book and snatch them from the hands of the General Secretary of the
Institute. The record of months and years of discussions and worries
disappeared in the power of the friar; the witness to very painful lack of union
was lost, but a new wound was inflicted on the General - and on the Consultors
who were not completely blinded - on account of the publicity which might be
given to unfavourable family secrets. The secretary justified his action by
arguing that the members of the Council needed to be instructed, particularly
on the way to hold meetings and to write the Minutes. Throughout some
painful sessions, Fr. Rupert brought to light through those minutes all the real
and imagined ills of the Institute.
«He began by speaking with great emphasis on the need to instruct

us, etc., etc., and said we should have no hesitation in asking him any
questions we wished to clear up our doubts. M. General with modesty
and dignity told him that she would not say anything, rather she asked
to be excused from the session... The secretary then asked if anyone
wanted to consult him; and what annoyed him most was M. General's
attitude. Mother had her hands crossed and her hps tightly closed, as
if she was afraid a single word might slip out. On the day after Fr.
Rupert had taken the Minutes, M. General had asked us what she
should do, and when the secretary arrived she went to Him and asked
for the Minutes he had taken; and said that if they had been burnt she
asked for a document certifying the same, because the Minutes were
documents belonging to the Congregation, and she was responsible for
them. This was enough to make Fr. Rupert furious; he shouted and
insulted M. General in front of the Secretary, he threatened...; in fact
it was always the same...*78
The days of waiting for the General Chapter passed slowly. M. Pilar
wrote afterwards: «It seemed a long time to me for the intrigues, which I
already knew about through my own experience...*79 Speaking of the
77
M. Sacred Heart said of Fr. Rupert, the Secretary: «he was impetuous, young and
inexperienced, and had also been upset mentally* - 1907, probably written for the Apostolic
visitation of the community in Bologna,
78
History ofM. Pilar XII, p. 34-9.
79
Letter to M. Natividad Orue, 1st June 1903.
activities of M. Purisima and the secretary which she herself could see, she said:
«... These are heavy crosses and the road to perdition for ail involved in them.
It is true that does not happen when the other side deserves God's grace; then
there is nothing to fear, for He allows the suffering and strain, but He will limit
the trial, and the tried, afflicted party will reap the gain, immense gains, if they
bear it well. Therefore... we should not desire a peace devoid of ail
temptations, no, as A Kempis says, we should not seek that, but should try to
row against the wind and tide, even singing, if God Our Lord gives that grace,
for the Pilot is very sure and He will save us*80.
«... I am condemned without a hearing...*
The events which occurred afterwards - that is, the outcome of this
long process - are so unheard-of that they would be unbelievable if not
endorsed by a real show of documents. Without giving an exhaustive account,
we shall try to see the contribution given by each one of the contemporary
accounts.
The Cardinal's secretary wanted to speak privately to each one of the
Assistants on one of the days after 25th March. M. Maria de la Cruz recounts
what he said to her, which was that the Sacred Congregation did not want M.
Pilar to be re-elected in the Chapter.
«M. Maria de la Cruz answered that the Sacred Congregation

desired M. Maria del Pilar Porras to cease to be General, but this
would not be brought about by means of the gathering for the General
Meeting, becausc they would choose her again, because the Superiors
of the houses held her in high esteem, and they would take no noticc
of anyone who wanted the choice of the General to fall upon a Mother
who was not M. Maria del Pilar*81.
Because she was sure of this, M. Purisima took every possible means
to avoid the Chapter being held. She had an interview with Fr. La Torre, but
found him inflexible. M. Maria de la Cruz said: «She was very much annoyed
by him* . «Thcn M. Maria de la Purisima went to the Cardinal and his
secretary^ the latter was busy settling our affairs more actively than the
Cardinal* . The secretary tried to convince the Assistants that they had to
en
Letter to M. Maria de los Santos, 8th May 1903.
01
82
Ibid., p. 1054.
83 Ibid., p. 1056.
570 Part four: 1893-1925
influence the members of the Chapter not to elect M. Pilar. M. Maria de la

Cruz refused to do this, saying quite justly, that the Institute «would never see
that as an election by God, but an arrangement by the Assistants*84.
«M. Maria de la Purisima spoke to the Cardinal Protector about this

the same day, and he thought that advice was just; but he could not
think of any way by which the Assistants could continue in the
government, and M. Maria del Pilar removed from her post.
It seems that M. Maria de la Purisima herself gave him an idea of
how it could be done in accordance with the Constitutions, that is, that
the first Assistant should be the Vicar General, and this is what was
done...
During these days M. Maria de la Purisima went frequently to the
Cardinal's house, accompanied only by M. Maria Teresa Castaniza85;
she did not want the other Assistants to go out because they had no
hope of improving things however much they spoke to anybody*86.
The result of those solitary journeys was a change in the first decree
of the Sacred Congregation. The historical sources are so explicit about this
matter that a complete reconstruction can be made.
On 11th May Fr. Rupert went to the Villa Spithover, and called the
Secretary. He read out the new decree according to which control would go
to M. Purisima, named Vicar in the last General Meeting; she would rule the
Institute for three years from the date of the dccrcc.
«After reading this document, the secretary declared M. General

had to be informed immediately. The Secretary, greatly surprised and
sadly impressed, begged him to delay a little until she had prepared M.
General; but she did not succeed, even though she asked him with
tears. M. General had to go in at once, and they had the following
dialogue:
Secretary: How arc you? Are you well? And how have you spent
this month of May?
M. General: Well.
Secretary. And the business, how is it?
M. General: You will know; I don't know anything.
Secretary. Well, it seems that the Sacred Congregation wants to
finish this, to smooth out the difficulties, to help... You would agree
84
Ibid., p. 1057.
A member of the community in Rome completely unaware of the problem.
86
Chronicles p. 1057-8.
to resign?
M. General: Allow me until tomorrow to think, and then I'll answer
you.
Secretary. No, no, you must answer me now.
M. General: I cannot do so now. You know I am not a woman to
act hastily, I'll answer you tomorrow.
Secretary: No; the Sacred Congregation has aceepted your
resignation of last year87.
M. General: If the Sacred Congregation has decided, I have nothing
to say...*88
The account by Maria del Carmen Aranda is confirmed by a letter

written by M. Pilar two weeks after the event. She told M. Natividad Orue
what had happened, adding that when she asked for a short time before
answering the secretary, she tried to consult Fr. La Torre.
«"That cannot be", objected the priest who belongs to the same
family as Calasancio, for he is bis private secretary... "The Supreme
Tribunal wants the resignation without delay".
I answered: "I shall not take much time, but I should like to have
some" (1 really wanted to speak about it to the Senor Ancianito)
Then, like one for whom time is running out, said to me:
"It is late; the Sacred Congregation, taking the resignation which you
sent in last year, now validates it, and is ready...»89
The following day, 12th May, M. Pilar wrote to the Cardinal Protector,
stating her submission to the decision. The Secretary returned in the afternoon
to give her the answer. Maria del Carmen once again reports the dialogue:
«Secretary: His Eminence is very edified with your attitude.

M. General: I accept what the Sacred Congregation decides; but it
must be noted that I am condemned without a hearing; I do not know
why I am condemned.
This was enough for the secretary to lose control of himself and to
break out into insults, and accusations; and finally he ended by saying:
"The control now lies with the Vicar, the Assistants and with us.
fi7
He was referring to the one written by M. General, dictated by the Bishop of Madrid to
her and the Assistants. The Assistants refused, but M. General signed the document, and
although he said he would not send one without the others, he did send M. General's
88
History of M. Pilar XIII, p. 54-5.
89 Letter of 1st June 1903.
572 Part four. 1893-1925
Are you convinced?"

M. General: I am the same as I was before - she answered without
losing her peace.
Then the secretary exhorted her to make an examen, with
compunction, etc. and he ended by commending himself to her
prayers. The truth is that he greatly needed prayers.
M. Pilar was deeply hurt, but she showed admirable calm and
peaee*90.
Some days later M. Pilar recounted: «... (the secretary) informed me

that the meeting would not be held because I would be re-elected, and that
would not be accepted, and they wanted to avoid that humiliation for mc.
Secondly, because I had discredited the four ladies with the heads. Third:
because the others who had to be at the meeting were seniors, and were also
on my side. Fourthly: because I had not changed the Superiors when according
to the Rule they completed their term of office. Fifth: for the appointment of
the Mistress of Novices*91.
The Secretary was in a hurry to appoint M. Purisima as Vicar as soon
as possible. M. Pilar would have liked to leave Rome on I2th or 13th May, but
she was unwell; it was not surprising that, as she was already worn out, she
should feel this tremendous blow she had suffered. Although her appearance
was very calm, which must have needed a great effort, her whole person lived
through that whole event experiencing a sorrow which did not affect her spirit
alone. She asked the Cardinal for permission to stay in Rome until she had
recovered a little92. The Superior of the house went to explain the reason to
him; and her companion, M. Julia Hernandez asked the Cardinal to allow her
to accompany M. Pilar on her journey to Spain. They were both greatly
impressed; they realized in those surroundings the great animosity felt towards
M. Pilar. «M. Patrocinio came back so frightened by this visit that she said: "If
M. Pilar does not go soon, the whole affair will be published while she is
here"» .
Maria del Carmen Aranda, indignant at M. Purisima's conduct, and
upset by the injustice shown to M. Pilar, had recourse to the Sacred
Congregation. But it was just her letter which decided the Protector and his
secretary to hasten the appointment of the Vicar.
IU)
History ofM. Pilar XII, p. 58.
91 Letter to M. Natividad Onie, 1st June 1903. Cf. History ofM. Pilar XII, p. 67-8.
M. Maria de ta Cruz wrote: «M. Maria del Pilar was really ill... and she had had
difficulties...» Chronicles IV, p. 6.
Q-l
" History ofM. Pilar X I I , p. 59.
«... In the first place, the heroic

and holy M. Sacred Heart»
M. Sacred Heart was going through these days of intense sorrow, but
also of grace. Perhaps she was feeling her mission in the Institute in a special
way, as almost unique. Some years later, remembering the most difficult
moments, she thought of them together with some others which had been
milestones in her life.
«Then May arrived, and 13th, the day on which lnds 94 was
appointed in Madrid; at about eleven-thirty Matilde came up to In6s
in the recreation room and said: "M. General has been deposed". In6s
went like lightning95 to her room, she confirmed this, and tried to
console her»96.
It was an extraordinary coincidence. Exactly sisteen years had passed

since that 13th May in 1887 in which the first General Congregation of the
Institute had elected the younger of the two Foundresses as General Superior.
That day, one of the most difficult for M. Sacred Heart, M. Pilar had given her
a great sorrow. Now, on 13th May she was suffering on account of M. Pilar.
But what different circumstances on these two days of 13th May! This time M.
Pilar was suffering, but not as before, with the sorrow of rebellion and
dissatisfaction. Now sorrow had purified her so much, enabling her to console
others. M. Sacred Heart says this clearly in her statement. She says M. Pilar
«tried to console her»; seemingly without success. Raphaela Mary loved
Dolores too much for a few words of consolation to dry the tears from her eyes
or her heart - they were sisters always, and sisters more than ever on that 13th
May.
On 15th May at two o'clock in the afternoon the Cardinal's secretary
arrived at the villa Spithovcr to pronounce a proclamation. In spite of the
protests of Maria del Carmen Aranda, who had had recourse to the Sacred
Congregation, Fr. Rupert made the community gather together. As a favour
he allowed M. Sacred Heart and M. Pilar to be absent if they wished when he
proclaimed the new governing body.
M. Sacred Heart's attitude during these days is described in detail by
M. Carmen Aranda and M. Maria de la Cruz 97 .
94 .Ines
- means herself.
95 She used the Italian word "fulmine" - like a streak of lightning.
96
Written by M. Sacred Heart in preparation for the Visitation in Bologna 1907.
97
History ofM. Pilar X I I , p. 74-5.
574 Part four: 1893-1925
«The professed Religious gathered hurriedly in a room next to the

oratory; among them in the first plaee was the heroic, holy M. Mary
of the Sacrcd Heart... Fr. Rupert wanted to read the proclamation
himself, but in the end he agreed that the Secretary should do it,
pointing out that neither M. Pilar nor M. Sacred Heart should be
present . The latter refused that exemption, and she was not only
present, but seeing that the Secretary was very much upset, she said:
"If you cannot read it, I'll read the dccree" "You, Mother?", answered
the Secretary in surprise. "Yes" - replied M. Sacred Heart - "I want to
drain the chalice to the dregs".
When the professed were all present, the Secretary read the decrec
which said that the Sacred Congregation had accepted M. Pilar's
resignation from the post of General Superior, the management now
passed on to M. Maria de la Purisima. (A flood of tears greeted this
announcement). M. Purisima, who was quite calm and cool, turned to
leave, when M. Margarita - warned, I think, by M. Sacred Heart -
reminded her that wc had to offer our obedience; she returned and sat
down, and all of us, beginning by M. Sacred Heart, knelt and kissed
the Vicar's hand, and when we had all done this we fled to the oratory,
or wherever we could, to cry.
M. Sacred Heart did not cry; but her face, deadlypalc, with dark-
ringed, sunken eyes, revealed the deepest sorrow...*
M. Maria de la Cruz was less inclined than M. Maria del Carmen, to

praise the two Foundresses, but she noted with a few words:
«The first one to kneel and kiss M. Purisima's hand was M. Sacred
Heart Porras, Foundress of the Congregation, and she did it showing
obedience and fortitude, for we must realize how much this step must
have cost her* 100 .
M. Maria de la Cruz ended by saying:
«Thus was concluded the aet which was conducted with such haste
that it left a double dose of bitterness in everybody, and will never be
forgotten*.
9
® M. Maria de la Cruz stresses the haste in which everything was done at that time. Even
she, being Assistant, did not know that the proclamation was going to be read. Chronicles III, p.
1065-7.
99
History ofM. Pilar XII p. 77-8.
100
The Secretary, M. Luz Castaniza recorded:
«Maria del Carmen was extremely anxious, walking from one side
to the other as if she found this act of reverence difficult; but finally
M. Sacred Heart beckoned her to go near, then the other Assistants
and the rest of the house followed her. The community seemed to be
seeing a vision*101.
«... the hour in which Our Lord

was pierced with the lance»
When M. Pilar knew that the secretary was in the house to read the
proclamation, she went to the Chapel. But first she spoke a few words to M.
Luz Castaniza expressing the wish that «it should take place at the hour in
which Our Lord received the wound from the lance in his divine Heart* 102 .
It was then two o'clock in the afternoon; M. Pilar asked them to hurry so that
all might be over by three o'clock (cf. Jn 9,28).
According to M. Maria del Carmen Aranda the Secretary gave M.
Pilar a paper on which she had copied the following prayer: «Oh, sweet Christ,
who united your Body with bread which had been ground, and your Blood with
wine which had been trodden and pressed; I offer myself to be ground and
broken and to be trampled on, and humiliated in order to preserve your love
and union and harmony with my sisters, so that You, my God, may deign to
unite yourself with me in this life with your abundant grace, and in the next
with the perpetual union of eternal glory. Amen*. M. Luz had copied this
from the Meditations of Fr. La Puente 103 , thinking that it was very
appropriate for any Christian suffering persecution for justice sake, and who
desires and struggles for union. The prayer must have been very close to what
M. Pilar was feeling in those moments, and she had often expressed in her own
words ideas similar to those contained in Fr. La Puente's colloquy. Some other
thoughts deeply rooted in the earth of her faith may also have come to her
heart and her lips: «Jcsus give Himself to us in Holy Communion, imparting
all that was contained in His life and in His death. Hence the Christian should
want nothing more but to suffer and accept in silence all that happens to
him*104 «May I fulfil the holy will of the Master, even though I am crucificd
Account written in Cochabaraba in 1912, p. 12.

102
History of M. Pilar XII, p. 77.
103
P. 4a. meditation 13.
I(M
576 Part four: 1893-1925
through my own sms* 105 . «Oh, I want nothing more but to surrender myself
with complete faith and hope and charity to Him, and to fulfil His will in
everything* . «There is only one consolation left, and that is the
providence of the Master, in whose Hands are all persons and things, and
whom nothing can resist...*107
She might have thought of the destiny of the Institute, rooted from the
beginning in the Heart of Christ - «God is living, He is just, omnipotent, and
He loves us. And our Mother? I don't know... If she came From His side* -
and when her trust was tried by difficulties which shook the foundations like
forces loosened from the earth: «... For every vein of life received from the
blessed wound of the Heart of Her Master, it seems that a destructive
earthquake always comes beforehand...* 108
Perhaps M. Pilar's thoughts were much simpler than that. Perhaps she
did not think at all. She would only be trying to put b t o practice the advice
she had given so many times to other persons, and which sprang from her own
deep experience: «1 have noticed that if one does not obtain consolation from
recourse to the Blessed Sacrament and looking at the Sacred Host, one docs
receivc strength*.
When the decree had been read to the professed Mothers, the
Religious of first vows were called in.
«M. Pilar, very calm, took the place on the kneeler of one who was
in adoration, so that she could go to hear the decree. I have never
seen such sorrow.
After Benediction109, M. Pilar went to her room, and everybody
hastened there and fell at her feet, crying uncontrollably.
M. Pilar was at recreation in the evening so sweet and peaceful that
it was edifying to see her* 110 .
M. Pilar's last hours in the house in Rome went by with great

simplicity. The Secretary wrote: «That same night, m the visit to the oratory
at nine o'clock, I heard a well-known voice beside mc; it was M. Pilar who had
105
Letter to M. Maria de !os Santos, 14th March 1902.
106
Ibid., 4th April 1902.
107
Ibid., 9th November 1902.
108
Letter to M. Carmen Aranda, 14th November 1898.
109
Benediction of the Bl. Sacrament concluded the daily worship of the Eucharist in the
Institute
110 History ofM. Pilar XII, p. 79.
left the General's place and was with us just as one of us*111.
«On the following day, 16th, she went to bid good-bye to several
persons, and in the afternoon she called the Assistants and the Vicar
and said:
— I would like to go tomorrow, because, what am I doing here?
Making these creatures suffer? 112
M. Pilar asked M. Purisima for some permissions.
The Vicar answered: "You have them all, Mother". Then M. Pilar
knelt in front of M. Purisima and said: "Now I ask you all to forgive
me". And with hands joined and crying like a child, she said:
"I ask only that you have compassion on the Institute"113.
M. Pilar had to leave at once. The Cardinal had decided that, and the
day after the proclamation was read, he sent a reminder through his
secretary114. M. Maria del Carmen Aranda wrote: «Not satisfied with that
letter, he wrote a card to M. Purisima exhorting her to make M. Pilar go, and
if she resisted, to make her see the excellencc of obedience...*115
M. Pilar was not going to resist. There was no need to remind her of
the order. As soon as she was reasonably well she set off for Valladolid.
On 17th May, very early in the morning M. Pilar set out accompanied
by M. Superior; they went to the Gesii and to St. Peter's; then they returned
home for breakfast, and M. Pilar left again with M. San Javier; they went to the
Germanieo where M. Pilar went to confession and spoke to Fr. La Torre; then
Fr. General Luis Martin, who wanted to see her before she went, said goodbye
to her. M. Superior, M. Patrocinio, and the Assistant, Matilde Ericc, went to
meet her at the Germanieo, It was the latter who was appointed to travel with
M. Pilar, and not the Superior as had been said at first 116 . M. Patrocinio
and M. Maria de San Javier went to the station, and saw her go off «with
admirable calm»117. According to M. Luz Castaniza she did not take leave
of the community officially, and many of them - of whom she was one - did not
know until after she had gone. «Whcn I went to her room as usual that
morning to sec if she needed anything, I realised that she was no longer at
111
Relacidn p. 12.
112
Maria del Carmen Aranda noted that she was referring to a few Religious who were
especially attached to her; among them herself and the Secretary.
113
History of hi. Pilar XII, p. 79-80.
114
Chronicles IV, p. 3.
115
History of M. Pilar XII, p. 83.
116
Ibid. XII, p. 81.
117
Ibid., p. 82.
578 Part four: 1893-1925
home» l l s .
«The whole sorrowful tragedy is over.„»
In all the accounts of the dramatic ending of M, Pilar's term of office,

M. Sacred Heart appears in the front line. Maria de la Cruz, Maria del
Carmen and Luz Castaniza from three different angles, watched with
amazement and admiration her truly heroic conduct. Their descriptions of her
behaviour give a true picture of her: serene in the tensest moments, with an
assurance and self-possession which she had always shown in the important
events of her life; human, as shown in her sorrow and in her compassion for
others; full of faith, hope and love and aware that she still had the duty of
maintaining the confidence of the Institute in that future in which she and her
sister would have no other function but that of being the foundations.
M. Sacred Heart wrote her version of the events of May 1903.
«The whole painful tragedy, greater without comparison than that

of In6s, was over... As I said before I was notified on the eve; but the
community knew only when they had to offer their act of obedience to
the Vicar; it is impossible to describe the sorrow and distress of the
community, and even of some of the General Assistants who then saw
clearly the whole fabrication. All, or nearly all, found it difficult to
submit to making that act of obcdience to the Vicar, and they did not
give in until I spoke to them about our duty to obey.
In the meantime M. Pilar was very calmly praying in the chapel, and
when all was over she went to the door to make sure, and with a very
peaceful expression recited the Te Deum and went away. And during
the two days she was there she gave holy examples of edification and
submission on every occasion* .
«God had his plans for them both, but together*
The two Foundresses said goodbye to each other. They still had many
years to live, but without seeing each other again. Could they have suspected
that on the morning of 17th May 1903? M. Pilar set out for Spain, but first she
1,8
RelaciSn p. 12v.
119 Document written in preparation for the Visitation in Bologna, 1907.
visited the sanctuary of Loreto, as M. Sacred Heart had done some years
before. How many things were to unite them from now on! M. Pilar's journey
was long enough for her to look back over her whole life as she saw the
landscape passing by through the window of the train: Pedro Abad, Madrid,
Madrid, Rome... How many steps, how many roads and how much weariness,
how much darkness and how much light, how many sorrows and how many
joys! M. Pilar was very fond of praying in the train - she had travelled so many
miles in her life and had prayed so much! Her Secretary recounts: «Shc had
the devotion of adoring Our Lord from the train when she saw a church tower,
and several times she caught a glimpse from afar of a priest in the mountains
carrying the Viaticum to a sick person*120. On the way to Lorcto and later
on as she went towards Spain, the small towers she could see in the distance
maintained her in that attitude of adoration which was in reality the
background music of her life, especially during the final years. M. Pilar
travelled through a very long process from her youth to maturity. She had left
her home, her parents' house in Pedro Abad, with the determination and
generosity of the saints, but with a heart still too much attached to things, to
her own opinions, even to her own desires for perfection. She saw those times
through the mists of distance, and yet extraordinarily near. Each time she
thought of her life, she saw the simple figure of her sister with her meekness
and strength. Long before this she had begun to write the story of her
vocation: «ln a small town of Andalusia, two girls were brought up with the
greatest carc by a family who loved them extremely*. The first part of her life
was as crystal dear as those simple sentences. Afterwards... «God had HLs
plans for them both, but together...* M. Pilar wrote this. Yes, they were
united, but the younger one was ahead of her; she had learned many things
from her, but had not always assimilated them. Then camc her faults, the great
mistakes in her life, the blindness which had made her choose the wrong
paths... Finally, a purifying sorrow and the desire to act uprightly before God
and before people. A whole process of simplification. And now she was
beginning a new stage in which once again her sister had gone before her.
From her she had to learn to live in silencc and obscurity, she had to begin a
task in which Raphaela Mary was already expert: the task of building and
helping to construct a building without being seen or acknowledged, the task
of loving and making unity without being noticed or understood.
The train ran towards Spain with moderate speed. The train of her
life had been much faster. But, how many stations! How many companions
along the way! And in all of them God's presence, that presence which
followed, warned, supported and demanded. God's presence, His will, more
than sought, accepted, adored with increasing intensity. She had written before
120
Relation, p. 7.
580 Part four: 1893-1925
in that simple autobiographical account some years ago: «May you be blessed,
Lord, who have shown so much mercy to one who has offended and slighted
you. You were always following her, and as she fled you drew near her 121
with your inspirations, indulging her and treating that soul in such a way that
without knowing it, she herself asked and prayed for what (on account of her
failings) she found it so difficult afterwards to carry out, even more so because
her heart was so poor in your love»122.
121 Brings to mind the exclamation of St. Augustine in his Confessions: «I am surrounded by
you on all sides». Confessions VIII 1.
Brief account of the origin and foundation of the Sisters of Reparation to the Sacrcd
Heart of Jesus. The beginning of an unfinished account written in Madrid in August 1877.
Chapter VII
«WHEN GOD'S WORK, THE CONGREGATION,

HURTS US...»
«Always crying out towards heaven,

the true country*
The last months, and especially the last days of M, Pilar's term of
office had been filled with events both great and small. Everything had
happened quickly, too quickly to be assimilated. There was even no time for
the pain to take full possession of alt the hidden corners of her soul. And this
was true of all the persons who in one way or another had some part in the
drama, even more especially of M. Sacred Heart. She was the main character,
for several reasons First of all she was the sister of the deposed General, and
the blow fell upon her too. But she was also Mother of the Institute, and she
felt responsible for maintaining unity in the family, now so gravely threatened,
even broken by that situation. Her part was an exceptional one in those days,
and the obligation of remaining alert during the rapid changes had muffled her
feelings. Wc repeat: although sorrow in the soul travels very rapidly, this time
there had not been sufficient calm for it to penetrate into the deepest recesses
of her heart.
The time for calm would come later, without limit: days, months, years,
many years...
While M, Pilar was travelling towards Spain, M. Sacred Heart resumed
the daily prose of her life. She wrote to her sister on 4th June: «Wc think you
arc in Valladolid, but we do not know for sure. Wc rcccived the letter from
San Juan de Luz, from M. Assistant. Here wc are carrying on alone now in
our normal life, always crying out towards heaven, the true country*. Those
few words reveal her firm determination to dedicate herself to the daily tasks,
as she had done from the first moment as if nothing had happened, although
she could not prevent the painful thoughts which reminded her that perfect joy
would be hers only in the «true country*.
The duty of consoling
M. Sacred Heart had only to persevere in the life she had been leading
for more than ten years. But now, in 1903, she also had to ^confirm (others)
jfl the faith*, she was obliged to console and to encourage; even more so
Iwcau&c a dark cloud of sadness had fallen upon the Institute. She wrote to
582 Part four: 1893-1925
one of the most senior Religious:
«My dear sister, let us kiss His blessed hand; let us gather into a
little bunch all past and present sorrows, and as we present them, let
us say from our heart, with humility and with peace... "My Jesus, as
You have wanted or permitted this, may your holy will be done, for I,
as your Handmaid want no other, and may it help towards the greater
sanctification of the Congregation... Here I am; do with me as you
know and as you want, because 1 know that you love me and everyone
in the Congregation, as the apple of your eye"... 1 expect this generous
acceptance from you, and I hope you will do everything possible to
keep in good health, in order to be able to carry on still for many
years with great generosity, suffering all that Our Lord wants, which
will be very much if we are generous; and it will be that which most
beautifies the Congregation and deepens its roots.
M. Pilar left us filled with holy respect and veneration at seeing the
submission, humility and great charity with which she received this
great trial. Pray much, very mueh for her, that she may continue
heroically fulfilling Our Lord's will ...w1
The final paragraph of this letter expressed the deep joy beneath the
sorrow, for M. Pilar's generous acccptancc of the trial. Did it also reveal a
ccrtain fear that her sister might not have sufficient strength to remain calm in
the state of humiliation in which circumstances - and persons, we must say
clearly - had placed her? Such a worry would not have been strange, based as
it was on her love and her knowledge of M. Pilar. If M. Sacred Heart was
turning her eyes to the past, she would see her sister overcoming a thousand
difficulties, even overcoming herself, but always with cnergetic activity which did
not fit in well with the state of exclusion which she now had to bear in
Valladolid. Looking at the years when they had lived together, M. Sacrcd
Heart could say that she had been a generous woman, valiant at very difficult
times, such as at the birth of the Institute and during the many foundations; but
she was often unable to maintain the constant balance required on the ordinary,
grey days which make up most of life. Thinking of M. Pilar, M. Sacrcd Heart
was sure that through faith she was accepting the greatest sufferings because
she saw clearly God's hand in them; to glimpse that loving, strong hand in the
tangle of human interventions was more difficult. But M. Sacred Heart knew
that her sister was ready to sacrifice her honour and her life, she was prepared
to die at any given moment; but she was afraid that M. Pilar's spirit would
quail in the prosaic, daily struggle of a life containing much which spoke of
1
Letter to M. Maria de la Paz, second half of May 1903.
C.7. «When God's work, ...» 583
death.
Many years before M. Sacred Heart had seen the need of a miracle to
make M. Pilar change her attitudes. But now, day after day, in the time she
still had to live, M. Pilar was going to be a proof of the powerful strength of
grace. Acceptance of that obscure situation with the serenity of faith would be
the admirable response to constant, persevering prayer; that prayer which more
than all the works of their life, united the Foundresses.
«I try to imprint all your advice

on my heart...»
The beautiful correspondence between the two sisters shows us the

supernatural depth and the very human touches of their love. Because she
knew that she was the pioneer in experiencing this hidden life, M. Sacred Heart
felt obliged to offer M. Pilar all the help that faith and even common sense had
given her to support the trial:
«I do not forget you for a moment, and I ask without ceasing that
you may have strength not to be depressed either in spirit or in body
by the weight of sorrows, or rather, of precious pearls with which Our
Lord has enriched you.
I ask Our Lord to confirm what you already know, that the
difficulties soon pass away and the glory which comes afterwards lasts
for ever. Besides, as Our Lord sanctified His Church with His
sorrows, so also by imitating Him, I and all these Mothers who are
really suffering, M. Superior, San Javier, Julia, etc., may sanctify the
Congregation, as we are well obliged to do. And let anyone there say
what they like...»2
M. Pilar's first letters reveal her acceptance, but also her well-founded
fears for the fate of the Institute:
«First of all I greet you for your feast day, and I will do my best
before Our Lord. And even without that, this beloved Master knows
what I feel for you... As for myself, I am happy and very grateful to
Our Lord, but fear of the chaos which is about to fall upon the
Congregation makes me apprehensive and distressed. I would like to
have the feeling that Pope St. Leo had when he wanted to withstand
Attila as he entered Rome, etc., it really needs a miracle. I would ask
2
Letter written in June 1903.
584 Part four: 1893-1925
you to write to ours now, that would console them»3.
M. Sacred Heart's reply is one of the most beautiful of all her letters
to her sister:
«... Now is the time for very great patience; a precious time for
acquiring those treasures which neither rust nor moth consume' The
flesh rebels becausc it cannot appreciate what is good, but how happy
will be the only One worth pleasing when we generously suffer a little
of the much which He suffered in His passion, He who was so
innocent, while we, one way or another, always have something to
expiate!
U t us submit completely to His holy will, and when our own will
resists because God's work, the Congregation, is hurting us - and this
must be the most cruel torture and the sharpest wound in our heart-
let us turn to the life of Christ and of Our Lady, above all at the foot
of the cross, and sec if our sorrow is anything like theirs.
There they are: Our Lord, naked, covered with wounds, insulted and
despised by His own people, for whom He did so much; His Mother
alone, helpless, seeing that wretched one before her eyes; yet, in spite
of that, the One asking forgiveness with the deepest love for those who
have brought Him to that state; and doing more than ask forgiveness
excusing them; and she, adopting them as her sons; in real truth. So,
let us imitate these models and submit to the powerful hand of God
(cf. 1 Peter 5,6) with humility, and let us sanctify ourselves with these
trials so that God may obtain all the glory He desires from our souls
I make the Way of the Cross every day, or nearly every day, for this
intention, because it is a big mouthful and wc must prepare ourselves
well to swallow it. But by looking at Our Lord we acquire strength
and so much! '
Don't worry about anything. Try to preserve your health, and let us
trust God who is all powerful; and you know that He has always
looked upon us with special love, and comc what may, if wc do not
allow it, nothing can touch our souls*4.
According to M. Pilar, she considered rightly, that her own personal

situation at this time was easier to bear then what she had been living for
«nearly ten years, always year by year with increasing difficulties*5 But she
3
Letter of 3rd June 1903.
a
5
Letter to M. Sacred Heart, 16th June 1903.
C.7. f<Mien God's work, ...» 585
was thinking of the Institute and of each one of its members. (Some Religious
had to bear special suffering on account of the change of government). She
was also worried by a less important matter, but one which she considered a
sacred obligation: the execution of the will of Manuel Castilla, the Porras
family's faithful servant, who had followed the Foundresses to Madrid, and at
his death had left his property to M. Pilar. When leaving Rome, M. Pilar had
asked the Vicar for permission to carry out his wishes. M. Purisima had
granted that, and had then withdrawn it6. M. Pilar assured her sister7 that
in spite of these worries, she was making efforts to leave everything in God's
hands. M. Sacred Heart answered by return post:
«lf 1 were you I would have nothing to do with any business of the
Congregation unless I was expressly told to do it; I would make this
act of abandonment to the Heart of Jesus. And how pleasing to Him
that would be! Perhaps, and without any perhaps, it would be the
means of shortening the trial. It would also be a very edifying act for
anyone who sees your detachment from' something which you must
love so much, and hence, an heroic act. God would help you much
more to bear such sorrows. You have no responsibility now for
anything, or for any of Manuel's business, since this is how things are
now, so, have patience and be calm, and try to rest in divine
Providcncc, for this work is more His than yours; if it were not for Ilis
Providence it would not subsist, for if you have ever done anything to
help, you owe it to Providence; for what is a limited creaturc if God
does not help her? Look at the past, and see God's mercies on us; but
always if we submitted humbly to his arrangements and allowed His
Providence to work. Make yourself blind, deaf and dumb; avoid
letting them speak to you about what is happening in the
Congregation, and with child-like docility place yourself under the
direction of Fr. Gomez, and obey him blindly, and you will soon be
touching miracles... Your soul now, it is your soul which you much
take care of now, with the care you would give to a seriously sick
person, and seek all your relief in Jesus crucified by imitating Him; it
is there that your sister will always be united to you, I do not forget
you, Mary of the Sacred Heart of Jesus, A.CJ. 8
... I would like you to read, if you do not do it already, in holy
scripture, the stories of David, Tobias, Job; all of it but especially that
part. It is so consoling, and it teaches so much! And Abraham? The
6
M. MA. DEL CARMEN A R A N D A History of M. Pilar XII, p. 79-80.
7
Letter of 16th June.
8
I-etter of 20th June 1903.
586 Part four: 1893-1925
Israelites' wars, and the miraculous way in which God liberates them...
in fact, all of it, as dictated by the Holy Spirit*9.
For M. Pilar the time had arrived for listening and learning, and from
that younger sister, whom she had always tried to advise and guide:
«I am trying to imprint on my heart all your advice in both letters.

In order to do this I am trying to live as if I were deaf, blind and
dumb, and as I still do not go to the parlour, I hardly ever leave my
room. As I do not write much now, I dedicate my time now to
knitting. As far as I am conccrned, I am so well settled in this
situation, as if I have never had any other.
About Manuel's business (RIP), I have left all that, as you said. But
I cannot give up being the executrix, that is, I cannot do it on my own,
bccause the will of a deceased person is sacred. If I asked you for
authority it was because of that, and because when I asked M. Vicar
for permission to carry out the will, as I had to, she gave it to me
fully10. Afterwards she withdrew it, and I have not replied, although
some refunds have to be made, and the delay, it is said, is prejudicial
for the other party, like for instance that of Juanito's father. I am
sorry too that the offerings for prayers have been held up, when there
are more than a thousand duros in the general funds; and if he is in
need of those prayers? But, as I said, I am keeping silent and leaving
it to God.
I have not written to anyone in our family, bccause they know
something, at least; and I am afraid of upsetting them. I am sorry
about Frasquito; I have only the news you have given me about him.
Now, see, just to finish in one minute: my situation is more difficult
than yours. God wants me to disappear completely; so I shall not
write much, and I'll try ... but not now, because now even those whom
wc love, whom 1 used to see, hardly ever come.
... Be sure that I, even though I have faults, want nothing but God's
will, and I am trying to withdraw, as I said above... I do not b t erf ere
b anythbg; I suffer, I accept, and I keep silent, and I pray as well as
I can. Far from asking questions, I flee from knowing anythbg* 11 .
Some days later M. Sacrcd Heart wrote again:
9
10
M. Pilar asked and obtained from M. Purisima that permission before leaving Rome on
16th May (ARANDA, History ofM. Pilar XII, p. 77-8).
11
«You will know about the illness and death of the Pope from the
newspapers which have been sent to you. Always very edifying, and
the epitaph which he said is to be put on his grave is: "Here lies Leo
XIII, Pontifex Maximus, who is dust". What humility! The years let
us know what this world is, and even what we ourselves are: dust and
nothing more. Happy the one who has this well engraved on his heart,
and who esteems only what is worthy of esteem: solid virtues, and
likeness to Jesus Christ on the cross. This is pure gold, the rest is dust
and nothing... I don't know why, but for some time I have had more
devotion to Our Lady at the foot of the cross than with the Child in
her arms; even more, she seems much greater to me and above all,
how generous!...
I think I did not explain myself well in my last letter; I did not mean
that the alms should not be given for Manuel. That is sacred! And
if you cannot, or if God asks that sacrifice of you too, make it: they
may be given by another hand...*12
On the day that M. Sacrcd Heart wrote this letter to M. Pilar she also
wrote to M. Maria dc la Cruz: «I don't know how my family will be with regard
to these things of ours, bccause they do not write to me... If you had any idea,
perhaps you could do some good, and the same for the one whom you know;
I don't know how she will be...»13 M. Maria de la Cruz answered a few days
later that the Porras family seemed to be very peaceful, as if they knew nothing
about the changc of government or the circumstances surrounding it. Although
M. Pilar's reserve seemed incredible to her («,., I think it is unlikely, bccause
you know M. Pilar, and when she has some anxiety she speaks about it...») but
she affirms that she had adopted a serene attitude of acceptance: «The other
person about whom you enquired ... they say is edifying* 1 .
«... I am becoming like you ...»
With regard to edification, M. Pilar was fulfilling what M. Maria de la

Cruz had said of her. For love of the Institute she kept silence, even with her
family at this time when she was specially worried because the eldest brother
was at the point of death. At the end of August a very touching letter left
Valladolid for Rome which must have calmed and deeply consoled M. Sacred
Heart:
n
13
M. Maria de la Cruz was in Cordova, and hence could get news of the Porras family.
14
588 Part four: 1893-1925
«Look, I am becoming like you now in not wanting to write to

anyone in order to fit in with my situation as a subject, in which God
has placed me, and to work in the house; and I have the same desire
as you for tasks in the house and for doing needlework, (generally it
is knitting); and I am happier than I have ever been, even at home.
I am consoled, too, by thinking that what I ought to do is dedicate
myself to studying and practising my situation as a Handmaid
(Esclava), and so to accept with love and reverence the harshest
treatment from anybody, just as one respects the judges, constables,
and even the executioner, bccause they arc authorised by the king or
by the one who commands them; and if not, there is punishment; and
I believe that God Our Lord is going to help me; and hence, to do
justice to the Congregation, and to love me more».
Then, some days later:
«I am going on well, each day realising more that you and 1 have
been greatly blessed by God, He has even branded us with His seal.
When did we deserve that? And the Institute will triumph. Now wc
must suffer, very much, I think, but it is in order to be great*15.
«Don't worry much. Yes, do pray and cry out for our chief work.
It is in the hands of its Master, and many holy souls are crying out.
Whoever did badly by trusting in his Father? This gives me great
consolation*16.
M. Maria del Carmen Aranda wrote to M. Sacred Heart: «As I

understand it, God Our Lord is acting very lovingly, as always, and that dear
person - meaning M. Pilar - they say, is peaceful and getting great benefit for
her soui...»17
M. Sacred Heart wrote as the feast of Our Lady of Pilar drew near:
«Your feast day is coming; you will have your good present which I must ask
from Our Lord...; but not like the precious ones which He has given you this
year, but virtues which must be preserved*18.
«... I received your letter for the feast of Pilar, and by return... I tell
you that for your feastday, 24th, I will not forget you DV; now more than ever,
for it seems that our situation brings us closer; so be it, may our Master be
pleased in everything for the good of the Congregation, for this is the only
15
Letter of 2nd September 1903,
16
Letter of 14th September.
17
IS Letter from M. Sacred Heart to her sister, beginning of October 1903.
thing we can do for it, endure and suffer. Although we arc not innoccnt we
must forgive and love with real charity for the sake of Him who taught us by
word and by work. And what works*19.
Separated, but close
The good of the Congregation, their present situation, the Grm will to
accept the cross, united them more closely than they had ever been in their
lives. Now that they were both cut off from what was happening in the
Institute, they felt the desire to pass on the scraps of information which they
heard. M. Pilar wrote to M. Sacred Heart: «I am going to give you some news
which I heard today, and which has made me very happy and grateful* 20 .
«About the Congregation, I think the same as you, that as it is God's work, He
will take care of it. And who better? God is more concerned about it than the
one who loves it most...*21 Seemingly separated from the Congregation, they
were as conccrned as ever about it.
Apart from, yet close to their family also. Physical distance lent an
appearance of greater detachment than in the past to their relations with their
brothers. But their problems - the sadness of illnesses and deaths, the joy and
hope of new generations - always found a loving, disinterested welcomc.
During the last serious illness of Francisco Porras, M. Pilar said: «Let us pray
to the Heart of Jesus and to Our Lady, and oblige them, our Lord and Lady,
with our present sorrows. He is our brother, let us see if we can reproduce His
compassion at the scene of Martha and Mary at the death of Lazarus*22.
The earnest prayer of the two sisters bore fruit in the enviable death
of that « Lazarus* who did not return to life like the one in the Gospel, but won
the superabundant prize of eternity. Just as the Foundresses had desired,
Francisco Porras gave public witness in Pedro Abad to his deep Christian
reconciliation. He went to confession in full view of everyone at the hermitage
of Santo Cristo, and then received Holy Communion in the parish church. M.
Sacrcd Heart wrote to him when she knew23: «I have no words to express
the great joy your few lines have given mc today with the news they contain,
both for the good of your soul and for the good example you have given to
your children and to the whole village, to whom in justice you owed this proof
of the solidity of your faith and religion. I cannot contain my delight at the
TO
Letter from M. Pilar to her sister, 2nd October 1903.
20
21
U t t e r from M. Sacred Heart, 5th November 1903.
22
U t t e r to M. Sacred Heart, 20th October 1903.
23 U t t e r of 30th October 1903.
590 Part four: 1893-1925
contentment you have given to God Our Lord and to the whole heavenly court.
You too must rejoice very much and be assured that from this day you have
your place prepared in heaven...» Joy on account of «Frasquito's» attitude in
the face of death was united to the memory of those Christian parents who had
passed on the faith to them. But for Raphaela Mary the remembrance of
D.Ildefonso Porras whom she lost in her infancy - she was four years old when
he died - was mixed with that of her eldest brother. She wrote to "Frasquito":
«About helping you with my prayers, I do that now and always without ceasing.
For, do you think that I forget or could ever forget how much I owe you? Who
has been my father?* 24
Francisco died on 4th November 1903. Of him it could truly be said
that he slept in the peace of the Lord. Immense gratitude sweetened the
sorrow of the two sisters, who had done so much to help him in this event. M.
Pilar commented to M. Sacred Heart on the very special graces of that death:
«When I think of the various fervent priests and lay people with that same
illness in the mouth and throat just as he had, who had to be for months
without receiving Our Lord, and then our brother, as you see, I am confused,
and I bless the loving care of our God; for no doubt, for those fervent sons of
his the privation was more beneficial, but our brother needed this sacrcd Bread
to give him strength*25.
Upheaval in the Institute
When M. Sacrcd Heart or M. Pilar spoke of their determination to

«become deaf and blind* they were speaking of the only attitude they could
possibly adopt in the situation in which they were living. M. Purisima's first
measure in governing consisted in removing almost all the Superiors, beginning,
naturally, with those presumed to be most attached to the Foundresses. There
began a real frenzy of changes and journeys. The first to leave her post was
M. Lutgarda who had taken M. Purisima's place as Mistress of Novices the
year before when the government had changed. Lutgarda was sent to
Saragossa one month after the events in Rome, and she was replaced by the
person who in M. Pilar's eyes was the least suitable for the case. Maria de los
Santos, Fdomena, Maria de! Carmen Aranda... All changed houses and
assignments; they all went to places and posts where their fidelity to M. Pilar
could pose no danger. These drastic decisions were not approved even by
some of the Assistants, who after having worked so much in opposition were

now ready for M. Vicar to act as God wanted26. It was not only Superiors
who were removed from their posts. In January 1904 M. Luz Castaniza was
replaced as General Secretary by a Religious who was not yet professed. The
motives adduced were rather suspicious - lack of health, lack of ability. The
real reason belonged to the group of intentions which dominated the
government. M. Purisima considered that the timid, but honourable, Luz
Castaniza was not fully in agreement with the Vicariate which had been
brought about by such turbulent episodes; and indeed, this was so.
After changing the Superiors, M. Purisima thought of the other
Religious who would be members of the General meeting in 1906. M. Pilar
had foreseen and feared that a possible hypothetical Superior General would
always hold the results of the General Congregations in her own hands, given
the system approved in the Constitutions. In the meeting of 1906 those who
had to take part were the Superior and the most senior Religious in each
house. Some of these electors seemed to be unyielding to M. Purisima27;
hence there was good reason at that time for a change of house.
One note common to all these changes of personnel was the speed
with which they were accomplished; especially the changes of Superiors who left
their communities, having been called by the Vicar, without knowing that they
would be unable to return even to put their papers and personal writings in
order. In the disturbance of those days a considerable number of letters from
the Foundresses were lost, destroyed by the owners in haste for fear that in M.
Purisima's hands they might be used as proofs of rebellion against the
government. M. Maria del Carmen Aranda speaks about one of those letters.
She was not quite sure of the date, but about 1904 M. Sacred Heart wrote to
her saying: «with her usual sweetness and courtesy: "Mother, if you think that
what has been done to M. Pilar is unjust, why not say so, and not keep there
that one who was the foundation stone of the building? I will do nothing
unless you all agree"». Maria del Carmen comments: «Perhaps I have changed
a few words, because I tore up the letter; but that was the sense of it. I
answered with this brief reply: "What you want, Mother, is not possible". That
is what I thought, taking into account all the circumstances. And, there being
26
M. Ma. de la Cruz: Chronicles IV, p. 101-3: «... She did not stop making changes and new
appointments, of which some Assistants did not approve, and they tried to stop her... then when
M. Vicar saw they did not accept it, she left it, and tried the same later on, until she succeeded...
People outside, including Fathers of the Society did not approve of so much hasty movements of
formed personnel, and one of them spoke about it for our good to one of the Assistants who told
M. Purisima, who did not take this charitable word we!l».
27
Cf. M. Ma. de la Cruz, speaking about M. Paz Rodriguez Carretero: «M. Vicar did not
want her to go to the meeting because she did not understand it, and was not capable of taking
part, and she was very sorry that her Mother Foundresses were not in charge of the
Congregation». Chronicles IV, p. 467.
592 Part four: 1893-1925
no human remedy, I prayed hard to God all the time*28. Maria del Carmen
was aware of all that was going on among the General Consultors - or rather,
she knew what the Vicar was thinking - and in the summer of 1903 she wrote
to some Jesuits whom M. Pilar trusted completely (Vicente Gomdz, Ces&reo
Ibero...) asking them to advise absolute silenee on her part, because any word
about what had happened could cause «terrible repercussions*29. The effeets
did indeed deserve to be called «terrible». During those historic days in May
1903 M. Purisima had a conversation with the Cardinal Protector in which,
according to what she told Maria del Carmen, he had offered to obtain from
the Saered Congregation extraordinary faculties for use against any possible
rebels. «You have only to sue anyone who docs not submit; and for this it is
sufficient for you to take notes, and seek for witnesses, and then at once they
will be outside the Congregation*. And M. Purisima eontinued: «among those
the Cardinal includes is M. Pilar, you, ..., M. Secretary, M. Philomena and
about five others who were threatened or marked out...*30
With this kind of summary procedure M. Purisima was elearly able
within a few months to reestablish some external calm whieh covered enormous
burdens of interior suffering. She attained this also thanks to a preventive
measure established before she left Rome; that is, that the Sacred Congregation
for the next few months would take no notice of any appeal made by a member
of the Institute31.
Without any doubt such measures were very efficacious for sileneing
eomplaints and any attempts at rebellion. But we would be judging the
Institute unjustly if we considered that the peace and calm were merely exterior
and a consequence of fear. Nothing eould be further from the truth. In a
certain sense M. Purisima eould count on the collaboration of almost
everybody, because they were extraordinarily virtuous persons, especially those
most faithful to the Foundresses. Seen from outside, from a natural point of
view, the sudden, unexpected changes had all the appearance of exile for some
Sisters. But it was difficult to exile such persons as Lutgarda, Philomena or
Maria de los Santos. They were true Handmaids; wherever they were sent they
fitted in with the simplicity of persons who have no fixed dwelling in any placc
on earth. Just as they had accepted posts of greater importance, so now they
accepted the simple tasks entrusted to them. No, it was not easy to impose any
kind of political ostracism on these creatures because there had never entered
their lives the slightest consideration which might have involved them in human
politics or any kind of intrigue or selfish aim.
28
History ofM. Pilar XIII, p. 3.
29
Ibid. XII, p. 9708.
30
Ibid., p. 70-1.
31
Both Ma. del Carmen Aranda and Ma. de la Cruz record this fact.
To a certain extent the survival of the Institute is due to the behaviour

of these simple, worthy women, faithful and realistic, submissive and yet
uncompromising. They responded with fortitude and constancy to the
confidence placed in them by the Foundresses; but it was on the heroism and
silent example of those Foundresses that their obedience and humility were
nourished, as well as their peaceful and realistic love for the persons who made
up the Congregation at that time. Some months after the deposition of the
sccond General, Fr. La Torre said to Maria del Carmen Aranda: «If the
Institute prospers, have no doubt that it is due... to the virtues and sacrifices of
M. Pilar»32. He spoke of M. Pilar specifically becausc he had had more
opportunity for knowing her than for knowing M. Sacred Heart, but his opinion
included them both: he had said some time before: «M. Pilar is less talented
than you, although she is not lacking in practical gifts, but all the four
Assistants together do not possess the virtue of M. Pilar. She and her sister
are two saints...»33
«... This is not from God, no, no...»
In the community in Rome, after the passing of the storm of 1903, the
daily routine formed a kind of conspiracy of silence around M. Pilar. M.
Sacred Heart was suffering enormously. Letters from her sister became less
frequent; the two Foundresses distrusted the post, and they had good reason
for doing so. A letter from M. Pilar has been preserved copicd by the Superior
in Rome and sent to M. Purisima with this added note: «Mother, shall I give
it to hcr?...» That letter was not given to M. Sacred Heart (it was a reply to
another, now lost); it expresses the feeling of both sisters:
«I must answer your last letter because I think we have a duty to

encourage each other to bear our cross. The following three thoughts
help me very much: that my mission in this life is to strive for my
greater perfection; especially in the way my dear Fr. (Urrîburu)34
urged me; restraining my tongue..., what I do is to keep silence with
32
ARANDA, History of M. Pilar XII, p. 120.
33
Ibid., p. 88.
34
Fr. Juan Jos^ Urrfburu died in Burgos on 11th August 1904. His death meant so much
to M. Pilar. She wrote to M. Sacred Heart on 24th June 1905: «My Fr. Urraburu is drawing me
much towards heaven». In a letter to her brother in 1908 she spoke of the loss of Fr. Urrdburu
«as one of the greatest tribulations I have had in these five yeais», and added that the Institute
owes «this exemplary servant of God as much as it owes our Fis. Urruela and Cotanilla, because
to him we owe the rules and Constitutions of St. Ignatius, and their approval...» (letter of 21st
April 1908).
594 Fait four: 1893-1925
everyone about everything. Secondly, to avoid dealing with anything,

so as not to know what is being done or what is happening... and to
rely on Jesus Christ for everything, and trust it all to Him. Thirdly, to
think that I am suffering to imitate my Captain Jesus, and to wish to
be like him as a son is like his father* 35 .
How many times were these thought repeated, and how much
misunderstanding was the result? It is not surprising that M. Sacred Heart felt
greatly worried, and she wrote to M. Maria de la Cruz, with whom she had
corresponded over the years, to ask about her sister:
«I am worried about M. Pilar. She hardly ever writes to me, and

even then, very little and about unimportant things. 1 never hear her
name mentioned. And if it is, the conversation is cut at once. What
Ls the matter, Mother? Speak to me in confidence. Will there never
be a close spirit of union and charity in our Congregation? This
breaks my heart, bccausc God cannot be pleased with this.
Now, Mother, there is very much reserve, and it seems there is trust
only within a very small group; this is not from God, no, no,
I am praying unceasingly for an end to this; and may it come to an
end, and put an end to the groups which divide hearts; and let us all
love one another, help one another, and be what wc should be: one
heart and one soul. If only I could speak to you!...*36
The letter which she wrote about this time to the Cardinal Protector
also reveals her sorrow:
«Wc always speak of our sorrows to a father, and the father, if

possible tries to find a remedy. Why not?
I have a great sorrow on account of the situation of the
Congregation. This poor little plant is very much battered; more than
ever now... internally because some arc full of sorrow, knowing almost
nothing of what is happening; and others very worried; this cools
charity, simplicity, trust and faith in Superiors. And outside because
as is natural, people are surprised by the way the Institute is being
governed, some arc making comments and others are withdrawing; and
I think this is doing much harm...*
These truths were like blows; but perhaps the Cardinal was not even
35
Letter of December 1904.
36
aware of them. And if he did finally receive the letter - it is a copy which has
been preserved - he did not take much notice of it. After all it was written by
a person, who he thought, was not in her right mind, at least not completely.
The Protector was too much influenced by M. Purtsima's ideas; he hardly had
time to consider any others.
In such circumstances there was nothing to do but be silent with men,
and connect directly with God. «... and say "Thy will be done" and wait with
great patience for the storm to abate, and to be silent with oneself and with
others; not even seek relief in writing... The "fiat" on this occasion is the
purest, most beautiful act of love which can be offered to Our Lord...» Thus
M. Sacred Heart expressed her acceptance of the trial37.
M. Pilar wrote: «When I find myself tempted, struggling and seemingly
without faith or hope, to say at least with my hps and to keep repeating: "I want
nothing but what God wants". I will avoid any conversation on the matter...
I will make myself blind, deaf and dumb. I will go to God with everything; be
silent... Let your poor Handmaid, Maria del Pilar die on the cross on which
they have placed her, and which You have permitted, and let her fly from there
to the sacred wound of the Heart of her Redeemer, Master and Spouse, and
then live only for Him who died for her* 38 .
«... I am in this world as in a great temple...»
M. Sacred Heart made a retreat a few months before the General

Congregation. The previous years had been one long struggle. But in spite of
that, the generosity in which she had lived day after day was a help for her
deep, intimate encounter with God.
The grace of this retreat and the renewed generosity which inspired
her resolutions mark a peak point in her spiritual ascent.
«I begin the retreat in great desolation...; I foresee that Our Lord is
asking me for great sacrifices*, she wrote at the beginning. But on that same
day «the cloud dispersed, and I felt in my soul great strength not to refuse
anything, and extraordinary confidence that Our Lord is with me, and in His
own good time will relieve me from all this tribulation around me».
Suddenly she had come out of darkness into very clear light. As the
sun shines into a dark room when a window is opened. «You see the great
anguish of my soul, which asks for mercy, pardon and grace... One day, with
Our Lord's grace, I will praise, I will praise His faithfulness in keeping his word
promising me complete liberation; I hope in Him, I'll make no account of the
37
Spiritual Notes 55, 1903.
38
Spiritual Notes, 1903.
596 Part four. 1893-1925
efforts of men. You too, Mother, know how much I trust that I, and the
Congregation will be free from so many chains and shackles*39.
The grace of the retreat was most of all an extraordinary sense of
liberation, unconditioned by any particular solution to the problems and
sufferings which burdened her, but based on the confidence which comes from
faith and which rests on the power of God. When the «cloud dispersed* on the
first day she felt that the fruit had to be «unlimited confidence and strength in
God alone; none at all in creatures; God is all-powerful*.
«I must live in this world dependent on God's will alone, never

enslaved by any creature who might intervene in this holy
independence of the true children of God...*
The acceptance of that «will of God alone* which liberates from all
slavery, would gain for her a «holy independence* which shone forth from her
in the great opportunities in the events which came upon her. In the months
which followed that retreat and in all the years which came after, M. Sacred
Heart would act with the liberty of the true children of God. But we should
not belittle, or ^domesticate* the deep reality of her conduct. Great
independence of spirit was shown in all her external behaviour; but her liberty
was something broader, deeper, more comprehensive and unifying. She
expressed the true meaning of her «to be free* in the next words of those
notes:
«... I must use everything, both adverse and favourable, as means

given me by God for my sanctification. And firmly stay in this state
and draw out the greatest fruit I can for my soul.
In all my actions I must remember that I am in this world as in a
great temple, and I, as its priest, must offer up a continual sacrifice of
everything in which creatures go against mc, whoever they may be, and
continual praise for all that is pleasing, always for God's greater glory,
which is the purpose for which He has placed us in this world...*40
She summed up in this paragraph «the meaning of daily life

transformed into a worship of praise*. At these heights, M. Sacred Heart
«be cause of her self-forgetfulness was completely transparent for God*41.
Humble and free, Mother continued and finished a retreat which was
in a certain sense, a preparation for the most dramatic scenes of her life. The
1Q
Spiritual Notes 62, 4th March 1905.
40 iIbid.
• 63. Meditations of first day of the Retreat.
41 M. A G U A D O , op. cit., p. 91.

Institute, and some of its members in particular weighed upon her in the prayer
of those days.
«Our Lord loves mc as the apple of His eyes. He will see what He
does with me. I trust in Him... What are crcatures if one day Our
Lord says "Enough"? Like a straw tossed by the wind (Ps. 1,4); and
He will do it, I trust blindly, and He will console N. too» 42 .
«... I must rejoice at all the good which He uses in all creatures;
because as I should want only what God wants, I must be pleased with
all the good which He does in others.
Neither must I want anyone to know me. Hide myself as much as
I can, write my story in the mind of God alone by my great hidden
works...*43
At the very heart of the Excrcises, when «contemplating» the

Incarnation of the Son of God and «Our Lady humbling themselves and
pleasing the divine Majesty*44, she felt oncc again the call to be grateful for
God's gift - «for, what has man that he has not received? And if everything
comes from God, what has he to boast about? About his nothingness, as St.
Paul said* (cf. 1 Cor. 4,7) - and at the same time sorrow for the situation of
the Institute at that time:
«In the colloquy I asked Our Lady to look upon us with mercy and
to open the eyes of many at the head of the Congregation who do not
understand true humility and who are causing great damage. It is a
serious evil which Our Lord and His holy Mother must cure, as I
hope, blindly, they will at the time appointed by Providence. In the
meantime do not tire of asking for the moment to come quickly, if this
is His holy will, for this is the most important of all, and may He give
us strength to carry on the terrible struggle*.
At the root of all her «sorrow with Christ sorrowing* was the human
reality of M. Pilar's sorrow and the anguish and doubts of many Religious in
the Institute, especially the seniors. She wrote on the prayer in the Garden and
the mysteries of the Passion and Death of Christ:
«A1I the sufferings of the members of the Congregation, my own

sufferings and all that I still have to bear, are piled up upon me, and
42
Spiritual Notes on second day of Retreat. "N" no doubt means M. Pilar.
43
Ibid., third day of Retreat.
44 ST. I G N A T I U S , Exercises 108.
598 Part four: 1893-1925
I felt very discouraged, as if I have no strength to suffer any more.

That is how I began my prayer, but I was resigned to the divine will;
then without expecting it I was consoled with this thought: "No one can
do anything if I do not want it. Am I not omnipotent? Can I not
upset all their plans, as I did on such and such occasions" And He
reminded me of them. Truly He had done wonders for me. What
have I to fear?
... I can see clearly that everything that has happened to M 4 5 and
to me was allowed by Our Lord to ground us well in virtue...*
Final preparations for the General Congregation
By the middle of 1905 the preparations for the General Meeting in the
following year were almost complete. A blind person could have seen the
irregularity of those changes in the governing body on the eve of an assembly
which had to elect a General. But there was hardly anyone then who could
effectively raise the alarm. Maria del Carmen Aranda recounts that in October
she received a letter from M. Maria del Salvador calling her attention «to the
way the coming General Meeting had been prepared* Maria del Carmen
added that she had torn up that letter as she had done with others. «I
hastened to answer her, asking her for the love of God not to stir up trouble...
for nothing would be attained but an increase of evils; so I asked her, and
repeated, to pray much and to entrust everything to God*46. Maria del
Salvador answered: «she was very pleased not to be taking part in a meeting
formed as that one had been formed*. But this second letter did not reach
Maria del Carmen who knew nothing of its contents until told by M. Purisima
who had intercepted the letter47.
Maria del Carmen decided to resign from her post on the Council, or
at least from her right to take part in the General Meeting because she was
now in disgrace, and surrounded by mistrust - violent on the part of M.
Purisima, and reserved on the part of the Assistants - M. Vicar accepted her
decision with undisguised relief. But it was not in her power to accept the
resignation, although as the Cardinal was so favourable to her, she might well
take it as an accomplished fact. On 6th November 1905 in a Council meeting,
M. Purisima informed M. Maria del Carmen that she and the Assistants
45
M. Pilar.
46
History ofM. Pilar XIII, p. 38-9.
47
Ibid, see also Chronicles IV, MA. DE CRU7_ M. Maria del Salvador, temporary
Superior in Jerez, was replaced by a much younger Religious.
accepted her decision. M. Maria de la Cruz added: «After this, M. Vicar tried
to go very secretly to Rome... to settle the business of the resignation with the
Cardinal; because although everything was over for M. Maria del Carmen, it
was not really so...*48 But they knew M. Maria del Carmen very little when
they thought she had been satisfied with the explanation. In fact the
irregularities in the matter of her resignation on that day and throughout, were
but added wounds for her; with good reason because they revealed M.
Purisima's desire to remove her from the governing body.
But there was another matter to be dealt with in Rome in that Autumn
of 1905. In her incorrect but expressive style, M. Maria de la Cruz explains
thus: «M. Purisima, the Vicar had another important affair to deal with besides
the business of the resignation; that was to settle about M. Maria del Pilar
Porras. There might be difficulties with the most senior Sisters if she went to
the General Meeting, and as she had a right to be there, there was no way of
leaving her out»49.
With these words M. Maria de la Cruz was saying more than she
wanted. In fact, according to law there was no way of eliminating M. Pilar. But
with a firm will to avoid the inconveniencc of her presence, the Cardinal
decidcd on the following: «Of the two last Mother, ex Generals, only the most
senior in office may attend the General Chapter, that is, M. Sacred Heart. M.
Pilar, the last one to be relieved of office, will not be able to take part in the
said Chapter or General Meeting under any pretext whatever*50. (From what
the Cardinal said in his letter, it could be thought that taking part in the
meeting was by representing the family, only one of the two foundress sisters
could attend).
The last decisions made by Cardinal Vives were kept absolutely secret.
In her last days in Madrid, M. Purisima informed the three Assistants
- Maria del Carmen now counted for nothing - that there was to be no
immediate preparation of any kind before the General Congregation. The
triduum of prayer would be omitted, «for this was not set down in the
Constitutions, and on the previous occasion it was held only on the decision of
the Foundresses. She did not want any Father or priest to advise anyone, but
each one would decide by herself alone about the nominations, and no one
48
49
Ibid. p. 458-9.
50 •
This decision was contained in a letter from the Cardinal to M. Purisima in answer to one
she wrote with the following points: 1. resignation of Maria del Carmen Aranda; 2. convocation
of the General Congregation and possibility of advancing it; 3. presence of M. Pilar at the
meeting; she asked: «M. Pilar, ex-General, removed from her post by the S. Congregation, should
she come? What should I answer if asked if M. Pilar has to come or not?» M. Purisima's letter
is dated 9th November 1905; the Cardinal's reply, 21st November.
600 Part four 1893-1925
would speak lo anyone about them, even if they were in danger of death, for
if anyone was about to die, she should make an act of contrition*. When
mentioning these things, M. Maria de la Cruz could not hide the fact that the
Assistants felt a great interior struggle when they saw that such a procedure for
the elections was contrary to the Constitutions .
The first session of the General Congregation was due to be held on
29th January. On 20th the Council met in Madrid to notify M. Maria del
Carmen that Cardinal Vives, with extraordinary faculties granted by the Pope,
had accepted her resignation. And almost immediately, that same night, she
learned through the Superior of the house that the meeting was to be put
forward and those who had to take part were starting their journey. At the last
moment M. Purisima dccided not to leave Maria del Carmen in Spain; she
thought she would be more secure in the recently opened house in Bologna;
from there the ex-Assistant could catch some echoes of that historic assembly.
But the most difficult thing was still to be done: inform M. Pilar that
she was excluded from the General Congregation. They tried to find a way of
doing this as gently as possible, so they sent M. Matilde Erice to Valladolid.
It was she who had accompanied M. Pilar to Rome in 1903. In the end the
news was given to M. Pilar just at the moment when the Superior and the
senior Religious in the house were leaving for the station. The Foundress said
nothing; she accepted in silence; even more, she did not even show any surprise
at the haste which added to the injustice of the deed 52 .
«... This holy independence of the true

children of God»
The Genera] Congregation met on 29th January 1906. It was the

nineteenth anniversary of the pontifical approval of the Institute. The assembly
was composed of thirty four electors. According to Maria del Carmen Aranda,
only a small group of senior Religious was capable of understanding all that
was going on, or with sufficient personality to act in consequence. The rest
were divided between persons easily influenced by the opinions of others, and
newly appointed Superiors, unaware of past events, and anxious to show
gratitude for the trust confided lo them 53 .
51
Chronicles IV, p. 474-5.
52 M. Maria de la Cruz recorded without comment: «M. Pilar was given the news that she
could not go to the meeting just as M. Superior was about to leave the house with the Religious
who was next in seniority after M. Pilar: and they say she showed no displeasure at ail».
53
History ofM. Pilar X I I , p. 103.
Cardinal Vives presided. He began by explaining the absence of M.

Maria del Carmen and of M. Pilar. With regard to M. Pilar, he said what we
have already recorded, that is, that the Saered Congregation had decided that
only one of the Foundresses should attend, and that was M. Sacred Heart.
There, in full view of the Cardinal was the person concerned, listening in
silenee to a notice which must have seriously wounded her sense of justiee.
And even more so, when she heard from his hps the prohibition to speak about
events in the Institute between 1902 and May 1903. M. Sacred Heart tried to
speak to the Proteetor, but he took no notice, in spite of the fact that he and
M. Purisima were the only persons whom they were allowed to consult. The
other members were given information by both of them.
The election of the General was held on 2nd February. M. Maria de
la Cruz does not give many details of this; but she does say that out of the
thirty-four votes, six were against M. Purisima. A note by M. Martires, the
Vice-Secretary, states that M. Sacred Heart received four votes (given the
circumstances whieh surrounded the preparation for the meeting, those four
votes give an idea of how difficult it was for most of the Religious to accept the
exclusion of the Foundresses). For the first time in this story we have no
witness from Maria del Carmen Aranda who was confined to the house in
Bologna for the duration of the assembly. She, an ex-Assistant, after taking
part in the affairs of the government for so many years, eould not remain
detaehed from what was happening in Rome on that morning of 2nd February.
She wrote: «Two pictures came before my mind all that day: the first was Our
Lord Jesus Christ nailed to the cross on Mount Calvary at midday. The second
was the great crowd in the Valley of Jchoshaphat, where the whole truth would
be known*54.
M. Sacred Heart also recorded her thoughts on the election:
«The Congregation to elect the General took place on 2nd

February, with the result which was to be expeeted as she had the
Congregation in her hand and all the elements which could favour her.
Many of the members had a great struggle; but first of all the Cardinal
and the Vicar forbade any consultation; and secondly, some had their
eyes on me; but being mad, mad, mad, how was it possible to put the
government of the Institute into my hands.
The Cardinal had obtained beforehand a rescript from the Holy
Father excluding M. Pilar from taking part in it; he forbade her to
attend and even to vote. Those of us who took part in the
Congregation were not told until it opened, about this decision whieh
caused the surprise and displeasure you can imagine. Besides that, we
54
Ibid. XIII, p. 74.
602 Part four: 1893-1925
were told not to speak about events which occurred during the last
year of M. Pilar's generalate, which was like saying that we must leave
the field free for the enemy. Blessed be the Lord who permits certain
trials*55.
There is no need to comment. It seems incredible that more or less

in the presence of M. Sacred Heart, there should be talk of the supposed
mental aberrations of herself or of her sister. The impression which this must
have caused her is revealed in the many accounts preserved in different notes.
«... The electors were told that I was mad... and my sister, M. Pilar, confused
and her head not quite right, as certified by our doctor in Madrid, Dr. Mariani;
and this was confirmed afterwards to more than one Mother who went in
sorrow to M. General* 56 .
The new General of the Institute, with the self possession she had
shown on other occasions, received the congratulations of the electors and of
the community. Of course, mixed with those demonstrations of joy was a large
dose, not of diplomacy, for which there was no need, but of self control. M.
Sacred Heart wrote that the Cardinal himself had remarked that it had been
an «election of sacrifice* (in her notes for a conversation with the Apostolic
Visitor Fr. Paniola). On the other hand, although she surely did not vote for
M. Purisima, she accepted her in faith with all the generosity of her heart. M.
Maria de la Cruz wrote that when the Cardinal had gone «they went to M.
General's room to congratulate her, and the first to go was R.M. Sacred Heart,
with enthusiasm and as if she were very pleased...* The meaning of this joy
must have been clear to the whole assembly of electors; but it becomc even
clearer on 11th February during the last session of the General Congregation:
«M. General said that during the time of her generalate she wanted
to see if she could get the Sacred Congregation to grant for our
Institute what was in the first plan presented for definitive approval of
Notes for her conversation with the apostolic visitor, Fr. Luigi Paniola (Rome 1906).
56
Letter to Cardinal Vives, after 1906. In a note for the apostolic visitor in Bologna, 1907
she wrote: «Very cleverly she allowed anyone who wished to do so, lo speak to me on the first
two days, so that afterwards on the last day, having heard what I thought as well as that of the
others, lhose who supported Mother could make a sure strike,... they said that I had been mad...
that there was no one else besides M. Purisitna, because M. Pilar was also confused, and hence
useless...»
In fact M. Purisima had obtained a certificate from Dr. Mariani in 1901. In the process
of beatification of M.S. Heart, Fr. Bidagor S J . mentioned this. He showed that the Dr. had given
the certificate in Madrid during the absence of M. Pilar, it was sent to Rome to the Cardinal
Protector, and len years later M. Purisima recovered it, making use of it by showing it to the
electors in 1911.
57
C.7. «W}ie.n God's work, ...» 603
our Constitutions, which was that the General's term of office be for
life; but it was not approved then; only for twelve years. Ail approved,
and the agreement was signed by all the members except M. Mary of
the Sacred Heart, who did not approve, and did not wish to sign»58.
It was not the type of government which M. Sacred Heart rejected.

She considered it an unsuitable time for asking that, and unjust of M. Purisima
to be asking it for herself. She refused twice: on giving her opinion against it
and on refusing to sign the petition.
The joys of a journey to Spain
M. Sacred Heart did not see the spring in Rome in 1906. After the
work of the General Congregation, M. Purisima offered her a rest visiting the
houses in Spain. She accepted with great simplicity.
A good number of foundations had been made in her absence: Seville,
Valladolid, Salamanca, Burgos, Azpeitia, Sabadell and Granada. The number
of Sisters in the Institute had almost tripled. It might have seemed impossible
for the communities and their apostolic works to carry on in spite of the crisis
which had changed so many things. But fruit was still being gathered from the
ground so well prepared by suffering, and abundantly watered by those
mysterious «veins of life» mentioned by M. Pilar in one of her letters. The
faith of these generous women, able to acccpt the great trials (limitations, and
weaknesses, clumsy decisions and unjust exclusions...) had saved the
communities. And they continued to live in peace; at times in the midst of no
small sorrows.
M. Sacred Heart was going to have the opportunity of seeing all. She
would suffer and rejoicc at seeing the weight of time on much-loved persons,
beginning to become aged in body, but showing the splendid work of grace in
their spirit. She would make their joys and their sorrows her own. (She would
hear many of them during these weeks of travelling, told by her old Novices,
•-old young» Religious, whom she had not seen for fourteen years).
She left Rome on 5th March, early in the morning, and reached
Sabadell b one stage. She spent a week with that small community. The
poverty of the house, typical of foundations, attracted her strongly, taking her
back in thought to the beginning of the Institute, to those heroic days b the
Bola Street or Cuatro Cambos. On 14th March she was b Saragossa. Here
her memory would bring to m b d the thought of many troubles - enormous
difficulties of her time b office on account of the building of the Church, and
58 Ibid., p. 500-501.
604 Part four: 1893-1925
the generous benefaetress who later became a Handmaid... - but all that was
lost in the mist of time, and against that blurred image of suffering the present
joy stood out clearly. The community of Saragossa welcomed the Foundress
with very great emotion, and left a record of it in the Diary of the house: «How
can we speak of the gratitude and love for this holy Mother whieh we feel in
our heart? One day in heaven we shall see what we owe her... What shall we
say about those rare examples which she has given us, as always, in these days?
She was always the first at the sound of the bell, and as simple and humble as
a novice, not wanting us to show her the slightest deference... She is very truly
a saint... May the Sacred Heart preserve her for us for a long time, for the
consolation and model for us who by His infinite mercy are today members of
the Institute founded by her...*
From Saragossa she went to Madrid. Many things had ehanged in her
house of Obelisk Parade, but every corner related aneedotes of the past, stories
of generosity, of abnegation, of affection. Her house in Madrid in which she
had written that inspired letter: «Let us give our whole, whole heart to God»
«if anyone in our Congregation thinks she is someone, she deserves to be
loeked up as a madwoman*, «now that we are at the foundations, let us go
down very deeply*..., that house from which the Institute had spread in many
directions.
One postulant recounted: «I was mueh impressed by the love with
which she embraced us and greeted each one. Embracing me, she asked me
my name, where I came from and when I would take the habit. When I told
her on the feast of St. Aloysius, she said: "Imitate that saint very mueh, love the
Institute and be a good Handmaid"*. The more senior members of the
community however, were sorry. They considered that this extraordinary visit
was not celebrated sufficiently.
On 3rd April, full springtime, she arrived in Cordova. She spent two
weeks in her own town divided between the community and the Porras family,
who nearly all marched through St. John's Square.
During April and May she travelled through the rest of Andalusia;
Seville, Jerez, Cadiz, Granada. From this last house she wrote: «As they are
so few here, and they keep asking me to stay at least until they move house, I
am letting you know; because I would not mind. And even if I don't do much,
I eould help them a little, for you know I have good health. If you say yes, tell
them to let me work, for the exercise gives me life*59. To work, to help: the
only privilege she asked now, as always.
M. Saered Heart wrote to M. Purisima from all the houses, telling
briefly her impressions and giving her the dates of her journeys. She was ready
to ehange anything at a word from the General. She was enjoying the company
CO
Letter to M. Purisima, 20th May 1906.
C.l. «When God's work, ...» 605
of so many dear persons, but she was not attached to any of these satisfactions.
On 28th May she began the return journey to Madrid. The trains were
crowded because it was just before the wedding of the King of Spain, Alfonso
XIII60. On the way M. Sacred Heart went over the incidents of her journey
and remembered anecdotes. From Madrid she wrote: «I arrived yesterday at
two o'clock in the afternoon instead of six in the morning, because there was
such a crowd of travellers that when we had to change in Baeza the train
arrived full, and we had to wait for some hours and take an extra one which
came in some hours later»61.
She still had much to see in Spain. Burgos, Salamanca, Azpeitia... And
Valladolid. There was still the meeting with her sister, desired above all as a
unique opportunity to console each other and to share the deep joy -
compatible with the pain - of living dependent on the «will of God alone*62.
«What a great saint!»
M. Sacred Heart travelled with M. Matilde Erice who informed M.

Purisima of every step and movement. By comparing her notes with the letters
written by the older Religious to M. General we get an idea of the prejudices
which influenced M. Matilde as well as those who were Superiors in the house
in Rome at the time when M. Sacred Heart lived there.
M. Purisima could not have been pleased with most of the letters
written to her by the communities. They were full of enthusiasm, affection and
admiration for the Foundress. «... I want to show you my gratitude for the
good thought you had in sending our dear M. Sacred Heart to visit us... for as
she is so far away from us, I did not expect to have the pleasure of seeing her
again in this life. She has given us most beautiful examples of all the virtues
which she has practised in these few days, above all of humility, love of work
and of poverty together with a spirit of joy which has cheered and encouraged
us all in the recreations...*63
They all with great simplicity thanked M. General for the good idea
of that meeting: «... May God reward you for bringing our much loved M.
Sacred Heart to these parts; we have enjoyed it so much, and rejoice in her
virtues and edifying example. Mother, what a great saint she has become! We
are amazed by her humility, simplicity, obedience and all virtues! May He help
®® The wedding took place on 31st May.

61
To M. Purisima, 30th May 1906.
62
M. Sacred Heart, Retreat 1905,
Letter from M. Maria de la Strada, Saragossa, March 1906.
606 Part four: 1893-1925
me to make full use of all these means, and so become what I should be...*64
«M. Sacred Heart left us all edified after the days she spent here; those who
did not know her were charmed by her...*65 «Pardon my liberty in asking
that M. Sacred Heart may stay at least fifteen days in our house instead of
eight days...*66
Some of those who welcomed the Foundress with love and joy had
heard the opinion held in certain parts, of her unbalanced condition. Those
who had taken part in the General Congregation were well aware that M.
Purisima shared that opinion wholeheartedly; yet they did not find in that
beloved Mother, separated from the majority in the Institute for so many years,
anything but reasons for edification and esteem.
Nevertheless the journey had its less triumphal moments. The Superior
in Cordova thought she should limit the personal meetings of the Sisters with
M. Sacred Heart, although she did try to inform them of this with great care:
«As I thought they would all want to speak to her, I said to them before she
arrived that they had permission to see her once; so when she is in her room
anyone who wishes may go. The Fathers like her too, and they think her visit
Ls good to encourage fraternity...*67 «I was sorry that they did not make
more fuss about Mother. I was greatly surprised that R.M. Superior did not
like it because I went to speak to her...*68, thus wrote one of the more senior
Religious.
But the really dark notes in the accounts of this journey arc to be
found in the continual letters from M. Matilde Ence to M. General. The tone
of her comments contrasts very much with that of the joyful comments quoted
above. There is no doubt that M. Matilde fulfilled to perfection the sad role
of guardian which had been assigned her...
M. Matilde wrote from Cordova69: «Sinee 1 arrived in this house I
have not had one bad moment, for Mother is very mueh occupied with her
family. You cannot imagine how happy she is and how relaxed... On the eve
of Our Lady's Sorrows she wrote to her sister, and she asked me to greet her
too; but I did not; I don't know what she could have said in the letter... The
older Mothers go to speak to her; we'll sec later what the talks were about...*
According to the previous paragraph, two things intrigued M. Matilde:
what was the tone of the letter greeting M. Pilar? (We do not know either,
64
l e t t e r from M.S. Stanislaus to M. Purisima, Cordova, 16th April 1906.
65
Letter from M. Ma. de S. Jose to M. Purisima, Jerez,, 10th June 1906.
66
Letter from M. Ma. de San Luis, Cadiz, 8th May 1906.
67
Letter from M. Consolaci6n to M. Purisima, 9th April 1906.
68
Letter from M. Ma. San Jose to M. Purisima, Jerez, 10th June 1906; she added: «and I only
went four times, which did good to my soul...»
69
Letter to M. Purisima, 8th April 1906.
because the letter has not come down to us). Then: What did the older
Religious speak about in their long conversations? We must admit that for
once she did not intercept the letter; neither did she try to find out the topic
of the conversations.
«Rejoice at everything, for it is God's will»
On her return from Andalusia M, Sacred Heart waited in Madrid for

the order to continue her journey to the rest of the houses in Spain. The
month of May came to an end. The days of June passed rapidly. Then finally,
instead of continuing her journey to Valladolid M. Sacred Heart had to set out
for Rome by order of M. Purisima. (In fact, she had foreseen the possibility of
such an ending. But saying that she was not too much surprised does not mean
that she did not mind). The prohibition to go to Valladolid made a sad ending
to a journey which from the beginning was a mixture of sorrows and joys.
M. Sacred Heart asked one of the senior Religious: «Are you

happy?»
«Mother, I am resigned, but not happy», was the reply.
«Be very happy; rejoicc in everything, for it is God's will. He wants
it; we must rejoice very much, and sanctify ourselves...*70
A few months later in a letter to M. Pilar she wrote a phrase very

significant of what she must have felt on finishing that journey, and above all,
at being obliged to end it when she had not yet covered the most important
stages: «... There is only one thing which does not disappear because it is
written in an indelible book: the good that one has done and all that one has
suffered for Jesus...*71
She wrote to the General from Bologna, the first stop in Italy on her
return journey to Rome: «Yesterday, Thursday, at three in the morning we
arrived safely at this house, thanks be to God. We did not stop overnight on
the way because my companions were very lively and they begged me not to
stop. We shall leave for Rome on Monday, DV ...» She made a few
comments about a Sister in that house, and then finished: «I embrace you in
the Sacrcd Heart, and I am very grateful for the pleasure in getting to know so
many of our Sisters...*72
70
71
Account by M. Ma. de S. Estanislao.
72 U t t e r of 29th June 1906.
Pari four: 1893-1925
«A great affliction weighs upon the Congregation*
Her true reactions to the visit to the houses in Spain and a s u m m a r y

of all she experienced during that four months' journey, are to be found in a
few private notes.
When M. Matilde wrote to M. Purisima that M. Sacred Heart in
Cordova was oblivious of all her worries and was entertained by visits from her
numerous family, she was completely mistaken. M. Sacred Heart was about to
ask for an interview with the bishop, but in the end she gave up the idea. She
explained in a letter a few days later, writing to Mgr. Pozuelo: «I did not dare
because I had no liberty in the circumstanccs, not even for this consolation*.
But before leaving Andalusia she decided to write:
«... I would have liked to speak to you when I was in Cordova

because for a long time in the state that I am in, I needed advice from
a real, faithful friend...
You have no idea of the suffering Our Lord is permitting; only His
omnipotence can support my sister and me in such a terrible struggle.
The Congregation loves us very much, more than we deserve. But
the head which rules us now is one of those creatures whom God
sends into this world to purify souls, as she is doing, not only with my
sister and myself but with everyone who does not bend the knee
before her, and they are many, all the older ones. And most of the
young ones who submit do so through lack of experience or fear, as I
have seen especially now when going to the houses they have been
speaking to me. Your Lordship, this Mother is destroying the spirit
of charity; now a servile spirit, a spirit of fear has taken hold...*7
The second document is a report written for Fr. Luigi Paniola who
made the Apostolic Visitation of the house in Rome in 1906. We take a few
notes from her many rough copies:
«For some time the Sisters have been asking for me to go to Spain,
and now M. General thought it was a good moment.
I left here on 4th March 74 with M. General, and we separated in
Barcelona because I was going to stay a little longer in each house.
I cannot tell you of all the proofs of affection that I received in each
house, and all that was shown me in private conversations we had with
the older ones especially; with their Superiors' permission.
73
Rough copy undated, probably May 1906.
74
A mistake; she left on 5th March.
But this spontaneous opening of their hearts filled me with sorrow,

because it showed me what I did not want to mention to you in the
holy visit, because I was not quite certain.
R. Father, the Congregation could not be better with regard to its
spirit. You do know this to a certain extent, and so it is such a pity
that there are attempts to infuse another spirit, which although
seemingly more brilliant, is less solid and less religious, and that is
what this M. General is trying to introduce*75.
«... Besides, many of our most virtuous Mothers, worthy of esteem
on account of their age, experience and love of the Institute, are
suffering very much because they are attached to my sister and to me,
and knowing that we are both completely isolated, have complained to
M. General, and now she has cut them off from us, and I can assure
you that we do not interfere in anything. They are all begging me to
think of the work... and I do not know what to do, because I seem to
be somewhat more free, in reality I am watched like the Catholics in
France, and I am hardly ever left alone with anyone, and my letters
are opened.
And woe to me, if anything were noticed; I don't know what the
head who rules us would do!» 6
«... I was supposed to visit all the houses, as they had been
promised; but there was so much enthusiasm in all the houses I have
been to in Spain, I was ordered to come back without seeing my sister,
M. Pilar, although I was very near her. So here I am back again in my
room without any function, and almost without any communication
with the Sisters, for even in recreation someone watches my words...
Now that you know what is happening here, I beg you, seeking only
the greater glory of the divine Heart of Jesus, to advise me what I am
obliged to do, for my own peace of mind; as I was chosen with my
sister, without any merit of ours, through the pure mercy of God to be
foundresses of the Institute, I do not know if I should continue in
silence, bearing so many things, as I have done until now, or if I am
obliged before God to resolve to free the Institute and its many
members from such harsh captivity.
P.S. I know that M. General is trying to get the Government of the
Institute to be absolute; if she succeeds I am much afraid that many
of the Sisters, not excepting the foundresses, will not end their days in
the Congregation*77.
75
76
From a rough copy, probably after 5th July 1906.
From a second rough copy, ibid.
77 From a third copy, 15th July 1906.
610 Part four: 1893-1925
Although M. Sacrcd Heart doubted that a letter to the Cardinal

Protector would have any effect, she decided to write to him as well:
«I have returned from Spain and I would like to greet Your

Eminence, and I feel obliged to let you know my impressions.
They are not very consoling. A great afflietion weighs upon the
Congregation. M. General's behaviour during the time she was Vicar
and her way of proceeding in the nomination have caused a great deal
of afflietion among many Sisters who have experience on account of
their years in religious life and the posts they have held; and they are
unable to be resigned to such a terrible trial because it appears that
everything was arranged for her benefit by the choicc of the type of
persons who took part-
Many of them are very much upset now that they have seen me and
know that, thanks be to God, I have never in the fourteen years I have
been in Rome, had anything wrong with me; and neither has my sister,
who is very well and very edifying, not only now, but during the four
years since she was deposed. Some of them have been tempted
against their vocation, and if they persevere it is through their love for
me and for M. Pilar, and seeing us bear this great trial with patienee,
looking only at God and at the Congregation...*78
«... The beautiful spirit of charity and

simplicity is being lost..»
During that summer of 1906 M. Sacred Heart pondered on the

memories of that journey. She also revised her spiritual notes, her comments
on the last retreat: «I must live in this world dependent on the will of God,
never a slave to any creature which might intervene in this holy independence
of the true ehildren of God...» The «holy will of God» still marked out for her
the narrow path of the cross. «... I see so clcarly that in the cross is salvation
and life!», she wrote79. In September 1906 she was to show once more that
liberty of spirit, the independence attained by constant acceptance of the divine
will. She wrote to the Cardinal Proteetor once again in dcfcncc of M. Pilar.
«I am writing to Your Eminence as a daughter to her father. I do

not know if I have misunderstood, but I believe it is a fact that the
78 Unfinished rough copy, undated.

75
Spiritual notes 63, Retreat 1905.
C.7. '(When God's work, ...» 611
Congregation has been granted a government like that of the Society

of Jesus, whose Constitutions we have adopted for ourselves.
I would be very pleased if this is the case, but it occurs to me that
it would be very just if when this gracc is received it should be added
that it is granted to M. Pilar, and she is placed once again in the post
of government as she deserves, being the first stone which God used
to found the Institute, for whieh she has worked so mueh for thirty
years, and has suffered innoccntly, as Your Eminence knows, and with
great edification has been confined to the house in Valladolid for four
years.
And now I say to Your Eminence what St. Teresa said to Our Lord
when she wanted to obtain that grace for her brother: "Lord, if he
were yours, what would You do?"*80
She received no reply. And afterwards came the most eomplete

submission, strengthened by the assurance of having done everything possible
to improve the situation: «Pray and do gently all that is within my power, as my
Lord teaehes me...*
As a final note we quote two impressive texts here. On a loose sheet
M. Sacred Heart wrote a preparatory note for one of the previous accounts,
describing the principal damage she had found in the communities on her
journey through Spain:
«As I have visited the greater part of the Institute, I have seen with
great sorrow that the beautiful spirit of charity and of simplicity in our
behaviour is being lost, and in their place, diplomacy, the spirit of guile
and deceit arc coming in; that is, the spirit in the Institute today is
more the spirit of fear than of love, whieh is the true spirit of religious
life. It is said that when the new General makes the visitation she
begins by shouting and grumbling at everyone like a mob. And I have
heard that they tremble when she goes and are longing for her to
depart as soon as possible*.
M. Pilar, many miles away, and eut off from her sister and the
Institute, felt moved to write the following:
«My God and my Master ... you want me to be your Handmaid; that
is, doing my duties as a Christian and a Religious, but not a slave to
the way of thinking or desiring of any ereature. To sum up: You want
me to be a worthy Handmaid (Esclava), not servile or base, I
Undated letter, end of Sept. 1906.

612 Faitfour:1893-1925
understood that this was how You wanted us to behave in the

Institute: with much subordination, humility and all necessary virtues,
but with no pusillanimity or cowardice. I think this knowledge came
from God because of the effects of peace and consolation which came
to me. My heart was overflowing with this, and I wanted to write to
four or five of our Sisters in the Institute who deserve all my
confidence, so that if I die they may try to plant this in the Institute,
but I did not say anything...*81
She could not communicate that to anybody. But the wretched piece
of paper on which she wrote was saved from destruction, and has come down
to us as a pathetic witness to M. Pilar's anxieties and troubles at the time
immediately after 1903.
Your letters ^console me more than you think*
In the following years, difficulties of every kind tried the constancy and
faith of M. Sacred Heart. With some differences in each case, the situation of
the two sisters had some common traits: the continual feeling of distrust,
progressive isolation from persons and the affairs of the Institute, compassion
from some, contempt from others, increasing forgetfulness, oblivion...
The exchange of letters between Rome and Valladolid continued.
Those which have been preserved reveal the affectionate understanding which
made up for the reserve and limitations imposed by circumstances. On one
occasion M. Pilar wrote: «Thanks be to God I had a letter from you a short
time ago, and I would like to have them more frequently; and I do not cease
to want that, because I think God wants it, and likewise I would write to you,
even though it is in the way we are doing it* . When M. Pilar was removed
from her post, M. Purisima had offered her the privilege of sending and
receiving her letters closed83. This was granted on account of her numerous
relationships within and without the Institute as General and Foundress.
Rather than a personal privilege for M. Pilar, this was offered as a sign of
respect for all the Sisters who had confided in her and who had spoken to her
in private about their secrets. Just like M. Sacred Heart, M. Pilar was soon to
81
Undated, possibly 1903.
82
Letter to M.S. Heart, 21st October 1907.
83
As was mentioned before, it was then the common practice for the letters of religious to
be given to the superior open; she could thus read them without violating the rights of subjects
because the norm was known and accepted by all, although at times its fulfilment might have been
unpleasant.
learn that the so-called exception for her letters was somewhat of a myth. In
the three years of M. Purisima's Vicariate, authority had been maintained by
rigid discipline and an excessive control of personal communications, both
written and spoken. For M. Purisima, the simple presence of the two
Foundresses was a real danger. And there is no doubt but that from her point
of view such fears were well founded on account of the sorrow of many Sisters
who bore the isolation of the Foundresses as if it were a cross. To m a i n t a i n
authority at such a time needed exceptional measures. And they were taken.
M. Sacred Heart was watchcd, and M. Pilar even more 84 . Some of their
letters were confiscated. The two sisters reacted in their own typical way: with
an extraordinary sense of human dignity, and with a vision of faith even greater.
Their protest against the injustice of the violation of a privilege was along the
lines of meekness and patience. They gave up the exception, and accepted the
security offered by the general norm. «Although my letters are given to me
unopened, and at first I accepted that, I do not want it now, and I have asked
M. Maria de Jesus Labarrieta (who is acting as Superior) to read all my letters,
both those which I send as well as those I receivc; and in order to please me,
she does so. So, now you know...® These words in a letter from M. Pilar to
cr
M. Sacred Heart , contain a veiled warning. The Foundresses were aware
of the improper vigilance to which they were subjected, and they submitted to
it fully in a spirit of faith, but they closed the door upon any possible, quite
natural, unburdening of hearts.
In spite of the limitations of such correspondence, the letters between
M. Pilar and M. Sacred Heart give us some delicious paragraphs. M. Pilar
said: «I would like you to write me at least a few lines every two months; what
I want is to know if you are alive and how you are. This consoles mc more
than you think, and the lack of this news distresses me... I am getting over the
cold very well. And isn't it cold! I am suffering more from other things, but
I don't think they are deadly, I would like it to come soon for me in the
friendship and gracc of my Redeemer and Judge; but what I want more with
all my heart is that the will of God be fulfilled fully by His mercy in the
Institute, in you and in me... I have not forgotten your birthday. May you
grow in virtue as in years is what I pray for you and for me. In order to revive
your faith in the providence of God, do you refresh your memory of the events
we are celebrating from the end of January? And your gratitude too 86 . Do
84
Writing to Mgr. Delia Chiesa, M.S. Heart said: «... Superiors keep me, as well as my sister,
almost imprisoned...* (April 1907). In notes for the apostolic visitor, 1907, Bologna: «... My sister
and I like two criminals, without any liberty, watched, with no dealings with anyone inside or
outside; and when we are allowed to see anyone, it is for their own convenience...*
85
Dated 16th July 1903.
86 The «events» preceding the establishment of institute.
614 Part four: 1893-1925
not forget Manuel RIP; he died about this time. Faithful servant!*87
M. Sacred Heart wrote on the eve of the feast of Our Lady of Sorrows:
«I always pray for you, but on that day I'll pray very specially asking Our Lady
to mould your heart like her own, so that afterwards you may rejoice with her
holy Son to the full measure of which you have made yourself capable by all
the acts in your life offered in imitation of this beloved Queen of martyrs, so
you have a large field before you. She will give you the strength and that is
what I shall ask earnestly, bccause we have to go up to heaven with great glory
at all costs, and we do not attain this without first climbing the mountain of
Christ crucified*88.
M. Pilar answered: «I received your letter, and as the feast of the
Sacred Heart is coming I will not put off writing to you; I have already told you
that your spiritual and corporal conccrns in everything and always are on a
level with mine. And what I ask most earnestly before the whole court of
heaven ... is that we correspond fully, until our last breath, to the plan whieh
God Our Lord has for us; that wc may never disappoint Him, even slightly...
You said in your letter that I have been given a wide field for suffering, and
that is true; but I have been thinking a lot, and it gives me peace, for the scope
for merit is just as wide, and infinitely more, that for rejoicing. So, let us go
forward as Ions as the Master wants, for the end is not far off; how the days
89
slip by, and the weeks and the years!...*
The spiritual content of these letters does not obscure the deep
underlying humanity. Details of the family, stories about the Sisters or the
benefactors of the Institute... Trifling things full of meaning for anyone knowing
the situation in which they were happening, and even more, those to whom they
refer: «When I was in Spain I saw Fr. Lara in Cadiz, and you have no idea of
the name for holiness he has there, and how much he is loved*90. «Dona
Celestina, the one of Clairac, came back very happy at having met you. Love
these people very much, we know few who are more solid Christians...*91
«M. Superior wants you to write to her. Pray for her, she loves the
Congregation very much, and she works for it, sometimes more than she
should* . «Tell Regjna, that Superior, that I received her letter, and I am
greeting her since the eve of her great saint, because I do not change, and I do
not forget her good worthy parents. My interest follows her everywhere; my
87
88
89
90
Letter from M. Sacred Heart to M. Pilar, 26th December 1907.
91
92
Letter from M, Sacrcd Heart to M. Pilar, 26th December 1907-
loving regards to all, especially to those I know...»

One of the most frequent topics of the Foundresses' letter is the illness
and death of persons they know. The ideas expressed on this theme could be
gathered into an anthology of texts on hope. «And our M, Felisa Recalde, do
you know that she has gone to heaven? From what I heard Fr. Vinuesa say
when M. Valle died, she had enjoyed the beatific vision, so great was her
happiness at going... It seems to me that I can sec her in heaven like a festival,
attracting me or drawing me near her. I don't remember anyone among our
deceased Religious who has left such a lively beautiful impression. Console
yourself by thinking that she loved you with a very special love»M. «They are
all our friends who have gone to prepare a place for us. God grant that we
also arrive there. I expect that from the infinite mercy of God, and I feel like
singing: "The good that I hope for is so great, that every sorrow is a delight for
me ..»95.
«... I do not want to have loose ends...»
One important affair increased M. Sacred Heart's worries in 1908.

Writing her usual letter to M. General, M. Matilde Ericc said: «The "child" has
had her ups and downs. She told me that you have written to her; but,
according to her, you were not affectionate this time. The other day she was
waiting for me when I came out of adoration, and she told me she had to
consult someone. She wanted me to send a letter to oar Cardinal; she wanted
to let him know what you had written to her (I do not know if that is certain,
the renunciation of all the property that is in her name). I told her that I did
not see the need to give an account to His Eminence, seeing that you knew.
But she gave me a thousand reasons; just right according to her way of
thinking; and as she was so pressing I said: "Write, if that is all it is, and I'll
send the letter"; and as I did not contradict her much, she changed her mind
and did not write. I told M. Superior what I had said to her, and she told me
I should not send the letter. You will let me know for another time...»
That paragraph illustrates more clearly than any comment, the
situation of the Foundress. Her recourse to the Cardinal was prevented, and
in her circumstances it would have been the only way to free herself from her
worries. Besides, the barrier which prevented access to superior authority
produced the pain of a new injustice.
The business about which she wished to consult the Cardinal was her
93
Letter from M. Pilar to M.Sacred Heart, 6th October 1908.
"ibid.
95 letter from M.Sacred Heart, 11th Sept. 1906 - a quotation from St. Francis.
616 Part four 1893-1925
will and the renunciation of her property. On 1st March M. Sacred Heart
wrote to M. Purisima: «As I have never worried much about material things as
far as they concerned myself, and you know that I told you that 1 have studied
the vow of poverty very little for my own guidance. But, seeing that it is
necessary, I have done so now. And now, don't I just discover No 68? % Will
you please tell me what I have to do to settle it? And the will, is that in order?
I don't want to have loose ends at the hour of death, nor in life, but I want
everything ready for when Our Lord deigns to call me...®97
In answer to this letter, so filled with simplicity and generosity, M.
Purisima, after a month's delay, answered on 10th April the one quoted by M.
Matilde Erice 98 . She explained that in fact all her property as well as that of
M. Pilar appeared in the name of the Institute in the inventory presented to the
Sacred Congregation of Bishops and Regulars at the beginning of the second
Generalate (1893). Nevertheless, continued M. Purisima, «afterwards the vow
of poverty was described in the Constitutions as we have it now... so, according
to that we are free to retain possession or to renounce our property. When
informed of the freedom given us by the Church, all the Sisters, especially when
making the final vows, privately renounced not only the income, but ownership
of their property, and the renunciations began to be recorded in the archives.
From all this it seems that neither you nor your sister have a renunciation of
the income or of ownership recorded in the archives, yet you are obUged by the
Constitutions and by the vow of poverty to make at least the former. But much
more important than this renunciation, I think, is the declaration on a
document preserved in the archives of the Sacrcd Congregation that your
property does not belong to you, but to the Institute®99.
It seems that M. Purisima was accusing the two Foundresses when she
affirmed that they were the only two professed Religious who had not made the
renunciation. Yet, she acknowledged that in their case this was unnecessary
because of the document presented to the Sacred Congregation in 1893. We
can affirm still more: The Institute, since its birth had been using the
Foundresses' inheritance.
M. Purisima's letter, which M. Sacrcd Heart said was not very
affectionate, contained some very harsh words about M. Pilar. It said that she
did not cooperate in matters of administration, refusing to help negotiations
with «that property which is in her name, although much of it is not hers, but
is held in her name just like other property of the Institute...® We have not
96 A mistake; as she explains in another letter, she meant No. 82.

97
Letter probably written 2nd March 1908.
98 M. Purisima's letter as well as that of M. Matilde appeared in the process of beatification
of M. Sacred Heart.
99 Letter of 10th A p r i i 1908.
C.7. «When God's work, ...a 617
sufficient facts to be able to judge M. Pilar's attitude, which we learn of only

through information from M. Purisima100. It seems impossible that she
should have dared to write to M. Sacred Heart the following paragraphs:
«... As I hope that time will put a remedy to all thk because we are
not eternal, so I leave her - meaning M. Pilar - all the more so becausc that is
what I am advised by the same persons whom Mother consulted and who think
she has some softening of the brain... Nevertheless, as this causes delays, and
I want to avoid that as well as new difficulties, I have said that everyone who
has made her will in M. Pilar's name must change it, and inform anyone who
needs to know. Now, you will see if you ought to change yours, and do
whatever you think Our Lord wants; my wish would be that you changc it...»
It is impossible not to feel the harshness of a letter which implies, with
utter coldness, that only death can solve the problems creatcd by M. Pilar. If
the Foundresses' property did in fact already belong to the Institute, there was
no need for a renunciation; speaking about it could only revive the memory of
past wounds for M. Pilar. Neither was it necessary to ask M. Sacred Heart to
make a new will101. And it is truly unspeakable that the General, without
any attempt to soften her tone, reveals to M. Sacred Heart that M. Pilar was
suffering from «softening of the brain».
No doubt M. Sacred would remember the days of the last General
Congregation. News had gone round then of the so-called mental illness of the
two sisters (... I was mad, mad, mad...»; «my sister, confused...»), it had been
commented in undertones, passed on with more or less indiscretion; she herself
had almost been able to hear it directly. Now, M. Purisima was repeating it,
adding that she had told everyone who needed to know... From this M. Sacred
Heart might easily have thought that many persons in the Institute considered
that M. Pilar was trying to benefit herself by the possession of her inherited
property, but was to be excused because she was suffering from a mental illness
which, like the property, she had inherited from her family.
What was the posture to be adopted in face of this? The Foundress
did not waste time in useless contemplation of her suffering. She decidcd to
write to M. Purisima, declaring her readiness for anything she could do. But
she also wanted to write to her sister, and with immense love, advise her on
this point.
Her answer to the General was ready on the day she received the
letter from her.
100
The financial administration had been a vexed question for many years. M. Pilar's ideas
seem to have been somewhat confused, but the problem was never attachment to the property
inherited from her parents, and placed at the service of the Institute.
181
M. Purisima deemed it necessary because M. Sacred Heart's will was drawn up in favour
of M. Pilar.
618 Part four: 1893-1925
«My dear Mother, I received your letter today, and I hasten to

answer it with much joy.
I say with much joy because what you tell me is a fact, that in the
Sacred Congregation, duly signed, it is recorded that all that belonged
to my parents and brother and everything that our Mothers left to me,
intending it to be for the Congregation, and as such I received it, is
quite assured; thanks be to God.
With regard to the will, do what you consider best before God, and
for the greatest benefit of our Congregation of Handmaids of the
Heart of Jesus.
If it is necessary, or if you think I should make that private will,
mentioned not in No. 68 (I was mistaken) but in 82 on the vow of
poverty, send me the form, and I'll do it at oncc.
What a weight, Mother, you have taken from me today with your
letter! I am going to say the Our Father today with more pleasure
than ever!*1
In a letter of 6th May M. Purisima wrote to M. Sacred Heart that «for

the glory of God and the good of the Congregation she should make a will in
favour of one of the Religious who would have made hers in favour of the
Institute. M. Sacred Heart wrote by return of post: «I have received your
letter, and I want you to tell me which Mothers or Sisters should be mentioned
in the will I ought to make, because I do not know who would be the most
suitable*103. The answer was a letter from the General Secretary: she
should be named as inheritor.
At this point M. Sacred Heart asked for an interview with the
Cardinal. Her desire was a lawful one, and she did not try to hide it. She
handed to M. Superior the letter in which she asked for an audience. The
Superior informed M. Matilde, who in a letter of 31st May, told M. Purisima
that M. Sacred Heart was prepared to act on her own and to advise M. Pilar
of whatever the Cardinal said.
To the great surprise of the Foundress, the days went by with no sign
of life from the Protector. The explanation for this silence is even more
unbelievable than the silence itself. ... The Superior in Rome wrote to M.
Purisima: «... Last night Fr. Oton telephoned to say that we could go this
morning or on Thursday, but I did not want to go, Mother, for two reasons: 1
do not know if the whims and worries of this Mother are sufficient reason for
102
103
going out 104 ; and secondly, if I take her one day to speak to the Cardinal,
she will want to go out every day. So I have written to Fr. Ot6n telling him
that the Cardinal will have seen who wrote the letter, and that I cannot go out
for that reason. So, perhaps he will think that she is very mad, and certainly
these days she is awful...*1
Twelve days later, M. Matilde stated that the Cardinal had not been
to the house. Was that surprising, as the superior had refused to go to the
interview (of course, without informing the person concerned), allowing the
prelate to understand that M. Sacred Heart was completely mad? M. Matilde
said: «... As the Cardinal has not come she has not been at pcace. This
morning, according to M. Superior, she has sent the third letter to His
Eminence. Then as the Cardinal did not come, nor answer her, she wrote a
card to Fr. Marchetti on the same matter...*106
She had tried to seek advice at least four times (three times to the
Cardinal and once to Fr. Marchetti), but every path had been closed. Having
realized that, M. Sacred Heart decided to leave herself entirely to God and to
make the will107.
The Cardinal did finally go to the house, but by that time M. Sacred
Heart had already informed M. Purisima of her intention by letter. She now
had nothing about which to consult, and she told the Cardinal.
«Let us become holy, and nobody will do more

for the Institute than we*
The woman who was considered mad, far from suffering any kind of
psychic abnormality, possessed rare equilibrium; not that attributed to sensible
persons who can give and seek reasons to support their ideas, but rather the
equilibrium of the saints, which alone can maintain a person in peace in the
104
Fr. Ot6n was secretary to Cardinal Vives. The superior felt obliged 10 go with M. Sacred
Heart to the audience.
105
Letter of M. Regina Arnie lo M. Purisima, 2nd June 1908. The postulator of the cause
said about this: «The Superior deceived the servant of God, deceived the Cardinal, obstructed the
just request of the servant of God and shows her intention of spreading and increasing her
reputation for being insane... By her connivance M. Purisima seems to be in agreement with that
offence*.
106
In the letter of 14th June 1908, previously quoted, M. Matilde Erice said to M. Purisima:
«Two days ago she told me that she had read in the life of M. Barat thai Our Lord asked her for
vety great sacrifices, etc. etc., and because of her generosity Our Lord helped and defended her.
And, having read lhat, she is ready to do everything you want..., and this is without speaking to
lhe Cardinal or to Fr. Marchetti...*
620 Part four: 1893-1925
midst of great doubts and difficulties. M. Sacred Heart was holy, only thus
could she associate obedience with interior liberty and, in spite of the abuse to
which she was subjected, fraternal affection with loyalty to the Institute.
Only from M. Sacred Heart could be expected such letters as she
wrote, first to M. Purisima, and then to her sister:
«My dear Mother, After writing to you about the extension of the
will, I was uneasy in case there was anything of flesh and blood in it.
And I tried to think whom I eould consult about it, because I tremble
to speak about our affairs; so I decided to speak to Cardinal Vives. I
wrote to him, then two or three times more, asking him to come; but
he has not come, and I have waited until today. But as I do not think
he will comc, it is settled now. Tomorrow, DV I think M. Superior
wants the solicitor to come, and the will will be made.
And now I am worried about something else, and I don't know how
to manage it with M. Pilar, that is, to make her see that she is at fault
in not cooperating with the arrangements for the finances. And I am
still more upset because the persons who are advising her, deceive her
by saying that her mind is not right, etc. Thank God, they deal with
me in the opposite way, and I consider it a great favour; may it always
be like that.
As I always leave my letters to her open, and she does the same to
me, I cannot confide in her, nor she in me. And I have thought of
sending her this letter through you, which you may read, of course,
and then send it to her closed through her Superior. And if you agree,
and if she answers me, and wishes to do so, it could come in the same
way, but she need not know how. I would like to make things clear to
her; I'll have a try, and God Our Lord will do the rest.
All this is for you alone, if you agree...»108
The letter which was to be sent to M. Pilar, said among other things:
«You know that the finances of religious congregations are always

threatened with seizure, as they are in France. So in our Congregation
every effort is being made to ensure their safety. It is necessary for all
of us to cooperate by granting authority, or whatever else may be
required, and I understand that you are refusing; even more, you say
that everything that is in your name is yours, etc.
I am very sorry about this, because it seems to be a lack of
generosity, if it is true. Place yourself in the position of the one in
108
charge of the Institute now. Would you like anyone to act in that way
to you? Wouldn't you complain? and rightly so, and if this becomes
known, will it not be very disedifying? Besides, you and 1 should be
the most generous, the most detached and the first to cooperate in
anything which is for the good of the Institute, and to help in every
way we can for its honour ad consolidation. And with much greater
merit now than before, because we are stripped of all natural interest,
acting only for pure love of God.
Put aside all displeasure now, let us submit humbly to the trial
which Our Lord allows for our greater good. The sanctification of our
souls is the most important thing for us, and perhaps that is why Our
Lord has left us in this situation of such pure merit.
For love of God, do not be upset by what I say, but think about it
and change all that needs to be changed with the readiness and
generosity you have had on other occasions. Think of the humiliations
at the beginning of the Institute, which were so terrible, and the
generosity with which you accepted them, and how Our Lord so
abundantly rewarded them. So, don't go back on that...*
The letter ended with a long postscript:
«... What is most praised in the saints is their great humility in times
of trial. Let us become holy, and no one will do more for the
Institute. Look up to heaven and despise the earth and all for which
you are not responsible before God. Remember what St. Ignatius
said: if the society which he loved so much were destroyed through no
fault of his, he would regain his peace with a quarter of an hour's
prayer... Today neither you nor I have any obligation in the
Congregation but to pray for it and to fulfil our Constitutions and
rules well; God will ask a strict account of that from us, but not for
any other burdens or responsibilities which we want to take upon
ourselves, and which now do not belong to us "affatto"109, as they
say here.
I am praying hard to the Sacred Heart to give you strength and to
break those cords which are tying you up, and which do not allow you
to run with the liberty of the children of God» 110 .
It is a pity that M. Pilar's reply has not been preserved. We might

have learned her way of thinking more reliably from that; it was possibly
109
"Affalto": at all.
110
622 Part four: 1893-1925
mistaken, but it was most probably sincere.
«We..., the foundations...*
When M. Saered Heart wrote to her sister at the beginning of July to

tell her of the death of Fr. Mancini, she returned to the same theme, but
quietly:
«... He will have received the reward for all his good works now.
And how pleased he will be to have suffered so much, and if they were
those precious sufferings, even more! A thousand times fortunate is
the one who suffers much, very much, and follows the steps of Our
Lord Jesus Christ in this life; and when this moment of life is over,
finds his hands full of the precious treasures gained by his work, and
possessing through them a happiness that will never end.
We are obliged to this as the first ones in the Institute, the
foundations which are not seen; and if they were seen, how ugly they
are! broken, trampled stones; yet they support the building; and the
more beautiful that is, the deeper must be the foundations, and the
more roughly treated by the machinery. Our Institute is very precious;
therefore we first ones must allow ourselves to be rammed down by
the instruments which God chooses to use, for everything eomes from
His hand, and He directs everything for His greater honour and glory;
and we must be generous and truly good, pleasing Him very much
even though we have to shed tears of blood, for He was the first to
shed them. Courage, and generosity, I always ask that for you, and I
want you to ask the same for me, Mary of the Sacred Heart
A.CJ.»m.
There is no direct answer to this letter either, although at the

beginning of October M. Pilar did refer to Fr. Mancini. «He is blessed too,
what great merits he had! even if we considered nothing but his long, painful
illness, and how he bore it»112. This was in a very long, calm letter full of
comments on the family, imbued with sweet spiritual unction. It is clear that
M. Pilar had accepted her sister's advice well, and had not been offended by
it. We are unable to know how far she put it into practicc113.
M. Sacred Heart wrote again to her sister in Deeembcr of that year.
111
112
l i t t e r from M. Pilar to M. Sacred Heart, 6th October 1908.
113 In fact M. Pilar did not need to make a new will. She made one in 1897.
The letter is a marvel of discretion, affection and good humour «I have been
wanting to write to you for some time, but I was waiting for some pleasant
news about those girls who concern you so much...» She was speaking
naturally, about themselves, the two foundresses, and she spoke of their
situation in a kind of allegory:
«As you know, after several ups and downs, they both found a good
place; but after a few years the younger one first, and then the elder,
were both overcome by severe misfortunes (as they say in the world,
but b religious life we accept them as as great benefits and blessbgs
from God, for He thus likens souls to His divine Son. And what
greater blessbg could there be! But they do not understand that).
The younger one, who was the fust to suffer great reverses was
resigned and lived happily; the elder, who suffered later, was not at
peace and was unsettled, and I think was much harmed; and there is
not a sbgle soul who is concerned about her or who speaks clearly to
her, but they all encourage her anxieties, and nothing is gained...»
(In fact, M. Pilar's anxiety, «the elder one was not at peace, and was
unsettled*, is known to us only from the point of view of persons who kept her
under constant vigilance. If we remember that M. Sacred Heart's attempts to
speak to the Cardbal were mterpreted as a sigh of psychic abnormality, we
may perhaps suspect that M. Pilar's actions were twisted m the same way).
M. Sacred Heart's letter ended with words which must have made M.
Pilar think deeply:
«If I could speak to the elder one I would tell her to be calm, to
seek only the kbgdom of God and its justice and to entrust herself
blbdly to Our Lord; everything else, b His good time, will be given,
over and above. She says that she is not b this state on account of
herself, but for her family. Well, let her know that I have made
enquiries about her family, and everyone is praisbg its good
organization and its prosperity. They praise God at seebg His
extraordbary providence over it, for it seems that all the children and
grandchildren are doing their utmost to m a b t a b and bcrease, if they
can, the spirit of their forefathers, or even to improve it as far as they
can.
So now you know what you wanted to know; pray to God for them
and be sure that God and Our Lady love them. And what more can
be wanted?* 114

624 Fait four: 1893-1925
At the end of December M. Pilar was waiting for the letter from her
sister who never failed to write for Christmas. She herself began to write on
28th, but she waited until 7th January to see if news arrived from Rome.
Finally she decided to hand in her letter. She finished it by saying: «Write to
me... Tell the Superior there, and all the Mothers and Sisters if they have been
busy doing good for me on these lovely feast days, as I have for them, please
tell them I ask for nothing more, your sister...*1
Perhaps the post between Spain and Rome was not functioning so well
as it did some years before. Perhaps there were less facilities in the Institute
to communicate freely....
The General Congregation of 1911
The year 1911 would be recorded in the Institute as the year of the
definitive consolidation of M. Purisima in government, and in consequence, as
the beginning of an irreversible exclusion of the two Foundresses.
The General Congregation should have met in 1912 for the election of
a Superior of the Institute, because M. Purisima had been elected for a period
of six years in February 1906. But the date of the Chapter was put forward, as
it had been for the previous one, after some secret preparations, slowly carried
out in some aspects, but otherwise very rapid. The General Council worked
efficaciously for some months. The other members took hardly any part either
in the preparation or in its development.
In June M. Purisima was in Rome to discuss with the Cardinal
Protector some matters connected with the coming Chapter. When she
returned to Spain, two Assistants stayed on in Rome. One of them, M.
Rosario Vilallonga, wrote shortly afterwards to the Superiors of the house, «in
greatest confidcnce, about very important business of the Institute, a matter of
great concern and consequence for it». In that long letter she explained how
they were working to obtain the generalate for life, as had been agreed at the
meeting of 1906. «Now, we Assistants have taken upon ourselves the task given
by the General meeting to our M. General of doing everything possible during
her generalate to obtain the favour of having the generalate for life; we are
doing this because it seems better and more considerate than for Mother to be
doing this herself. So M. Margarita and I are in Rome for this... hoping to
obtain this for the coming general meeting...* The object of this letter was to
tell the Superiors to write to Rome expressing their great desire to obtain the
115
Letter between 28th Dec. 1908 and 7th Jan. 1909.
C.7. «When God's work, 625
favour of a gencralate for life for the Institute 116 .

Convocation of the Congregation was done with the same secrecy.
«The time appointed for the general meeting is drawing near, and after
speaking to His Eminence Cardinal Vives, our Protector, and with his
agreement, I inform you that all the electors must be in Rome on 26th
September. Having thought of this very carefully before God, I ask you and all
who have to take part in the meeting for strict secrecy, no one under any
pretext whatever, may be told when this is to take place, not even to explain a
Superior's absence; I take upon myself all the responsibility for this secrccy with
the effects it may have on people outside. I am convinced of the need for this
by circumstances which I cannot reveal in writing and by the advice of my
Assistants*117.
Naturally it could not be claimed that the petition for a generalatc for
life was unanimous if one of the Foundresses was present at the meeting.
Although in 1906 it had been announced that M. Pilar was deprived of activc
and passive voice, it was deemed necessary now to make a definite declaration.
The Cardinal Protector asked and obtained this from the Pope 118 . It was
also necessary to avoid the presence of M. Sacred Heart; not only to ensure
unanimity, but also in order to be able to deal freely with matters concerning
the second generalate119.
What valid reason eould be given to the Foundresses to forbid their
presence at the General Congregation? M. Sacred Heart was told that she
would be too deeply affected, and that she herself should ask the Cardinal for
permission to be absent from Rome. She submitted to what was imposed upon
her, and she wrote to the Protector, but in her short letter she did not mention
the reason which would have seemed absurd to him.
116
Letter of 12th July 1911. The Superiors' petitions had to be sent to Fr. Joaquin de
Llevaneras, brother of the Cardinal Protector, who showed great interest in negotiating for the
favour.
117 The convocation letter, personal and private for each elector, was dated 8th July 1911.
118
The document was dated 18th July 1911. The final paragraph said: «And we declare in
the name of the Holy Father that this decision is perpetual, but purely administrative; it cannot
and should not be interpreted as a statement against the good name of M. Pilar whom everyone
should love and thank*.
119
Fr. Ram6n Bidagor SJ., postulator of the cause of beatification, wrote in the process: «It
was essential to exempt the servant of God from attending the Chapter in order to obtain more
easily not only unanimity in asking for the generalate for life, but also in order to discredit M.
Pilar publicly, against whom it was determined to acf in the Chapter. Evidently it would have
been very hard for the servant of God to be present at such opprobrium. In fact these two points
were dealt with, as can be seen in the Minutes of the Chapter... In that Chapter the deposition
of the Foundresses was completed and M. Purisima was raised to the perpetual generalate*.
(Response 10 animadversions p.38).
626 Part four: 1893-1925
«Verv Reverend and esteemed Father in Christ: I know that the

General Meeting is to be held next year. 1 beg Your Eminence to
deign to allow me to be absent from Rome until this has taken place,
and to give me your paternal blessing.
I greet you with much affection in the Sacred Heart, Your humble
daughter and servant Mary of the Sacred Heart of Jesus A.CJ., Rome,
4th July, 1911».
M. Purisima, General «ad vitam» (for life)
On 15th October 1911 M. Purisima was reelected, and on that same

day was confirmed as General «ad vitam». Among the telegrams of support
from ail the communities, the one from Valladolid contained a curious note:
«Leandra was calm. Arriving Wednesday. Very pleased results. Asunci6n».
The Superior in Valladolid, Asuncion Aguado, had obtained permission from
the Cardinal to send her vote by post; «because the said Mother explained that
her absence from that house at that time might have consequences harmful to
its good order». That is what was said in the official letter. In private letters
the reason for this caution was given: M. Pilar's worry with the thought of that
coming meeting surrounded with such rigorous secrecy. The news of the
election of M. Purisima as General for life did not cause any violent reaction
in her, as had been feared perhaps. «Leandra was calm». The telegram
referred, naturally, to M. Pilar's external reaction.
M. Sacrcd Heart received the news in Bologna. She could not have
been too much surprised; but that does not mean that it did not cause her great
pain. Without attributing too much imagination to her, it can be said that she
knew the theme of some of the discussions in the meeting, where there would
be open talk about M. Pilar. Having done everything within her power to
rehabilitate her sister, all she could do was accept God's will. In fact, she had
known for a long time the uselessness of any attempt to clarify the situation.
She had stated this some years before in that letter in which she spoke to her
sister in figurative language:
«The younger one, seeing the state of the elder, made extraordinary
efforts, not only in prayer, but in whatever else she could do... and is
now sure, in face of the evidence that, at least for now, it is not God's
will to attain anything*120.

C.7. «When God's work, ...»
With complete serenity, and the peace of one who sought only God's
will, alone and always121, M. Sacred Heart in a sublime letter, expressed her
acceptance of the fact and the submission due to the Superior of the Institute:
«My dear Mother, M. Superior and M. Magdalena will have given

you my messages by now. I did not want to write before so as not to
trouble you at such a busy time, but I have commended you to Our
Lord, and I have asked Him to make your great cross light and his
burden sweet.
And He will do it, becausc He does not give the burden without the
strength to bear it, and to continue leading to a good end that work so
dear to His Heart and to ours.
May He give us the grace to please Him and serve Him better each
day; that is what we want, is it not?
As I hope to see you soon, I'll say no more. Only I embrace you in
the Sacred Heart* 1 2
The echo of the election resounded throughout the Institute. With no

part in the government now, Maria del Carmen Aranda this time could gather
the simple reaction of the «people». She was in Cordova. The Superior of the
house wrote a letter to the community telling in triumphal tones all the
incidents of the election. In one paragraph she said:
«In complete silence, they went, one by one, placing their voting
papers in the urn, all of them, except one, bearing the name of R.M.
Maria de la Purisima. The Cardinal, deeply moved, declared her our
Mother and General... When he had finished reading the formula, we
all asked him that it should be for life. He answered that this was a
very great grace, not usually granted in these times. But, knowing that
we wanted it, he had asked for it the night before from His Holiness,
who is very pleased with the Institute, and seeing the unanimity with
which we were asking, all on our knees, in the name of the Pope and
of the Holy Church, he appointed her General for life, not making this
a precedent for any other occasion*123.
121
U t t e r to M. Purtsiaia, 8th June 1900.
122
Letter of 23rd October 1911. During the process of beatification it was said of this letter:
«This example of disinterestedness, serenity, piety, self-abnegation and conformity with the will
of God suffice for anyone to raise to heaven the heroic virtue of the Servant of God* (Response
to animadversions p. 39).
123 Letter of M. Maria Jesus Labarrieta to the community in Cordova, 15th October 1911.
628 Part four: 1893-1925
In truth, if all the Superiors were as indiscreet as the one in Cordova

in speaking of this incident to their communities, within a few days there would
not be one single person in the whole Institute unaware that the granting of the
generalate for life had been carefully prepared before the General
Congregation had begun.
M. Maria del Carmen ended her account with an incident which
occurred some days after the election:
«... When the M. Superior of Cordova returned from Rome and all
were gathered in recreation she tried to stir us up by an account of
what happened there. But in vain, no one became in the least
enthusiastic, and when she had finished her account, one of the Sisters
asked: "And the Mothers?" M. Maria de Jesus Labarrieta stopped a
moment, then said in a low voice: "M. Pilar was not there... M. Sacred
Heart, poor dear, gave proofs of heroic love for the Institute, and of
being a saint, but her head..." The Sister burst into tears, and many
eyes were filled with tears...
Is M. Sacred Heart really mad? When I hear this said, I always
remember some verses I heard much when I was very young. The
musical comedy told of a country-woman who went to her work
leaving her child asleep in his cot. When she returned she found it
empty. She went out, shouting, looking for and asking for her son;
when people saw her, they all stood round saying: "She is mad, she is
mad..."
They say that in her great sorrow, M. Sacred Heart has said
sometimes: "My sister and I had some beautiful children (the
Congregation), and Purisima came along and snatched them away.
First she removed mc, then she removed Maria del Pilar..."
A person who has good reason to know, says she is not mad, and I
believe that.
M. Pilar, is she mad too? It seems that they say these things: "As
her head is not right!" in order to close the hps of those who are
surprised that the Congregation should behave in this way towards its
real Foundresses.
My God, You know everything, and you know what they have done
and are doing with those whom You gave us as Mothers!* 124
124
History ofM. Pilar XIII, 109 11.
Chapter VIII
«MAY WE FASHION WELL OUR HOUSE

IN THE HOMELAND*
«... With our face to the ground giving thanks...*
The great struggles of that time ended in 1911. M. Sacred Heart had
exhausted all possibilities of action in lawful defence of M. Pilar, and the
inevitable brought with it a human reinforcement of serenity to the deep peace
of soul which she never lost1. Not one word of commcnt on the events of
October 1911 appears in the letters between the Foundresses. The fraternal
affection so palpable in them is joined to a serene assurance of the impossibility
of deep communication in this life. The «cry for the true homeland* becomes
more and more a calm desire for blessedness. M. Pilar wrote in 1909:
«I have received your letter, and I repeat what I said in my last...

that I agree that we should not write much, because we have all
eternity, when, hoping in the mercy of our God and Tutor, we shall
speak to each other and rejoice in everything and about everything
with complete liberty.
I ask God Our Lord and Our Lady for this every day for you and
for me: that He may give us forbearing patience and generous
fortitude to do completely all that He is asking of us and may ask until
our last breath...*2
Shortly afterwards M. Sacred Heart wrote:
«However long we go on, not much of this exile remains for us. O,
may we work well on our house in the homeland! You will do it, but
I am afraid that I am a bad architect, and I spoil the precious
materials contained in religious life, which are placed in my hands for
me to fashion a beautiful building*3.
«Wc have only a little time left now, and we must use it well; you
1
In a conference given to the community in Rome in 1955, Fr. Bidagor referred to the period
between 1911 and 1925, saying: «... It seems as if God Our Lord thus disposed it - the generalate
for life - so that Mother's soul might begin to smile again».
2
Letter from M. Pilar, 16th October 1909.
3
Letter from M. Sacred Heart, 16th October 1910.
630 Part four: 1893-1925
with sixty-six tomorrow, and I with sixty-one already, we are reaching

the end of the road quickly, and the means arc not lacking, very
precious ones, to attain great perfection if we wish to work with
energy... My great desire is that we both fulfil God's plans, without
wasting one jot, and that when we come into His presence... we may
never be separated from Him, even for one second...*4
A fraternity founded on many titles was at the base of the concern

which the Foundresses felt for each other. The experience of many difficulties
borne with faith encouraged them to urge eaeh other not to waste the treasure
which God had placed in their hands:
«... I pray for you, not only every day, but many times a day, and it
seems that the lack of letters increases my interest before Our Lord,
and assures me that His Divine Majesty must be caring very mueh for
you, on account of several reasons I have for this hope.
With regard to what you tell me, I answer that our active mission is
ended now in this life, and thanks to our Master who gives us the
great efficacious recourse of praying for the whole world, and he
regales us with the best thing He has, that is suffering and enduring
for His love and greater glory...
I say goodbye, until God wants, either by letter or because the Lord
takes us to His heaven, and I embrace all the Mothers and Sisters
there, I who am your sister by two titles and many more...»5
While the rumour of the mental illness of the two Foundresses was
going round the Institute with more and more insistence, they were revealing
very happy memories in their letters. How mueh affection, how much interest
for all the Sisters, for their health, for their families!
«You will have heard about the illness of M. Consuelo, whom you
loved so mueh...
Do you know that Sr. Rosa is in Buenos Aires? She went off very
happily. She is really good, with solid virtue, which is not so common.
She has the spirit of sacrifice impressed upon her soul, and she puts
it into practice on every occasion. They feel her loss very mueh in
Bologna where she has been since the foundation.
M. Berehmans is still there; she has improved, and could still go on
for a good time if she does not have a relapse; and, do you know, she
4
Ibid, 12th March 1911.
5
Letter from M. Pilar, 28th April 1912.
C.8. ... our true homeland 631
is working and making the necessary movements without any harm.

Teresa Escribano is also there, she is middling, but not about to die,
far from it... she has a good colour, and as she is so lively, she carries
on rather well.
M. Julia manages with her little bit of sight, and she is so clever that
she is always active. How good she is! I told her that I was going to
pray for her to recover her sight, and she told me not to do so; she
was quite happy with what God had left her; and yet sometimes she
cannot sec the person in front of her... She is sacristan, and Bautista
(you know her good heart), is always looking after her and removing
obstacles.
M. Patrocinio, coping with all her pains; even the bones in her
hands seem to be out of place, but she is quite resigned. What good
souls we have in the Institute! It is a consolation that they give much
glory to God, and they all die like the predestined. You and I should
be giving thanks with our faces on the ground, and our whole life
should be a continual thanksgiving. Everyone is longing for you to
write to them, and they are sorry that you never answer them; that is
why they do not write more to you»6.
«... I speak to God and I ask Him to enlighten

me and lead me...»
Slowly, but inexorably, M. Pilar was travelling towards the supreme

trial of her life. While she was still in full possession of her mental faculties,
it had been said about her that she had an illness of the brain. In some way
this was true in the final stage of her life, during the year before her death...
M. Pilar would die a «victim of a softening of the brain». That was the opinion
of the doctor who attended her in Valladolid. When he examined her in 1914
she had «a sensation of weakness, pain, dizziness, and was quickly tired by
mental work, all this caused by continual work and constant worries sbce the
foundation of the Institute*7. The Doctor was from Valladolid, that part of
Spain h which M. Pilar enjoyed so much support. He was pleased to be able
to treat her during her illness and to achieve «some very good prolonged
improvements*8. He continued: «1 saw to my sorrow that my efforts had to
6
Letter from M. Sacred Heart, 4 th February 1912.
7
Declaration of Dr. Ramon about M. Pilar's illness. It was used in lhe process for
beatification and canonisation of St. Raphaela Mary.
8
Ibid.
632 Part four: 1893-1925
be limited; that nature was being undermined by the progress of cerebral

arteriosclerosis...»
Throughout her life M, Pilar had a series of maladies quite compatible
with a normal state of health and her enterprising character. One of the
chronic ills which had caused her most suffering was earache, which with many
ups and downs she had borne for years. The pains in her ear sometimes
prevented her from keeping her mind fixed on anything, and caused dizziness
and what the doctor called «a sensation of weakness*. In M. Sacred Heart's
letter there is frequent mention of this: «I have not heard from you for some
time, and would like to know especially about year ear. How is it? I prayed
a lot for its cure; but I have stopped now... because I was told that you were
much better; if that is not right, I'll begin again...*9 «What beautiful music
you are going to hear in heaven as a reward for that great heavy cross which
you have upon you! Let that console you and encourage you to increase your
patience* .
With the same simple frankness with which she spoke about things not
in her own favour11, M. Pilar, even when she was General, often said that her
«head was impossible*, that some days she could not attend to anything, that
she had «endless post* held up, etc. And it was all true, but not in the way
that some people meant when they used those words. The letters written by
M, Pilar on days when her ear or her head were particularly troublesome
reveal her complete control of ideas and even of her way of expressing them.
M. Pilar's general health began to decline about 1913. She wrote a
good deal during that year, and her letters show that her mind was absolutely
clear and had extraordinary spiritual depth. She wrote to M. Sacred Heart: «I
am getting better, thank God, but without any hope of a cure, although perhaps
I can hope for many more years on account of my strong, robust constitution,
happy with all we have suffered, and all that is still to come. How I realize
now that in solitude and silence the Lord speaks to the soul! Blessed be
solitude and silence, may Our Lord not take us from it! I cannot even speak
now because I have whooping cough; I speak to God and I ask Him to
enlighten me and lead me...*12
Shortly after this, in a letter to M. Maria del Carmen Aranda, she
mentioned her state of health again: «I feel aways the same towards you, so I
cannot resist sending you these few lines. I am not writing longer because my
9
10
11
Fr. La Torre SJ. who thought highly of the Foundresses, said of M. Pilar in 1903: «She and
her sister are two saints. They both speak of things not in their owtt favour; but they are both
saints* (ARANDA, History ofM. Pilar XII, p. B8).
12 Letter of 1st February 1913.
car trouble has affected my mind, I cannot concentrate on anything. I can

write something, and I do; but when it matters, as with my brother, so as not
to alarm him. But I must write to you, out of affection, to save you being upset
if I were indifferent, and because I unite myself sincerely to your great sorrow,
as is natural...*13
We can say, quite truly, something which appears to be a paradox; M.
Pilar was quite consciously aware of the attacks of an illness which would
deprive her of her reason. And without any doubt, this was the greatest
purification of her hard-worked life. A Sister who had dealings with her in her
final years tells a chilling story: On one occasion someone was imprudent
enough to let her know that it was said in the Congregation that she was mad.
«... And she asked me, in tears: 'Tell me the truth, Sister, what is mad about
me?" As I found her as natural as always..., I said: "Who has said that?", and
she said: "They say that in the whole Congregation they are saying it"... I think
that in the generosity of her heart towards God, she must have asked Our Lord
for what came later* 14 .
If her memory began to fail in 1913, her reason remained intact. She
said to her sister: «I have been wanting to write to you for more than a month,
but now I am keeping my mind clear in order to write to our dear brother 15 ,
for I think we owe him most for being such a good brother, as well as for what
he did for our Fr. Antonio and for the Institute. What proofs he is giving of
it now, and how much he loves us both!... And how shall we repay Our Lord
for the favour of such a death for ours?* 16 In deed, we find in the letters
from M. Pilar to Ramon Porras many paragraphs which express her great
admiration for her sister: «Raphaela does not write to me, but she is well. She
writes to you, because she sees it as an act of charity, and I am glad. It seems
that she wants to become a great saint. Blessed be the Lord, she is going on
well...*17 «... Our Raphaela is more affectionate than it seems; I have noticed
it when dealing with the family, and with others when they are suffering or in
13
Letter of 4th March 1913. M. Ma. del Carmen Aranda recounts that there was then in
Cordova a lady from Valladolid who was very fond of M. Pilar. «... She told us that she was very
frail; and when she was deep in conversation, she would forget completely what she was about to
say, and would exclaim with sorrow and even crying: "I don't remember now..." It made the lady
cry on seeing her like that». (History of M. Pilar XIV, p. 67-8).
14
Letter from Sr. Agueda de Jesus to M. Enriqueta Roig, 2nd December 1934.
15
Ramon Porras was seriously ill.
Letter from M. Pilar 5th October 1913. A story in that letter reveals Ramon's veneration
for his sisters: «One day when telling him that the doctors were there, they gave him letters from
you and from me. He answered: "Will they please wait a bit, I am going to read the letters from
my sisters". "But the water will get cold". "Let them warm it up again; I am going to read my
sisters' letters first..."»
17 Letter of 10th A p r i l 1912
634 Part four: 1893-1925
trouble of some kind ... This is according to one's character. She has more
merit, because she keeps more inside than shows outside; but I am more
expressive, it is true and I don't think I offend Our Lord, but 1 am happy.
Where she beats me is in having more control, and so she is such an edifying
Religious. Fr. Antonio said to me that she is a contemplative soul. ... I have
been speaking about characters, without realizing it, and you know your sisters
so well, but I do not mind, because you will be consoled to know that I think
that Raphaela especially works well with hers before God Our Lord, and I do
not do badly...*1®
1914 passed, with its ups and downs. During the first months M. Pilar
experienced one of those improvements which the doctor in his report later on
would call «notable and prolonged*. «Thanks to our Master 1 am much better
physically, but let us see if the memory improves too; I don't want to pay too
much attention to it...*19 «... I am better, my appetite is good, and my mind
more stable* «For your consolation I could say that I am well... My mind
is still weak, and this good doctor does not want me to write*21.
M. Sacred Heart followed the progress of the illness with concern, but
with joy on seeing in M. Pilar the growth of the grace which had marked the
painful events of her life. She wrote to her: «Has not God our Lord been
generous in repaying? Let us give thanks for his benefits and cooperate as
much as we can so that His work may advance and continue to give Him much
glory. Don't be sorry, or want to die until God wants*22.
«... Not want to be or appear to be anything

in this life*
In 1914, when her memory began to fail, M. Pilar could still remember
her anival in Valladolid, the touching welcome by the Jesuits of that rcsidencc,
the kindness of the Superior and of the Sisters. The circumstances of her life
and the atmosphere surrounding her had changed progressively. «When she
found herself reduced to inactivity, and to silence she felt with all the ardour
of her temperament, the enormous disillusionment of life even when it is
10
19
Letter to M. Sacred Heart, 8th February 1914.
iu
21
25 Letter of7thNovember1903.
dedicated to the holiest of ideals*23. Her days were monotonous, unchanging.

She tried to face them with peace. She said to her sister: «Don*t worry,
although I have faults, I want nothing but God's will*. Right at the beginning
she was able to think that that retirement was temporary, that she ought to try
to justify herself. She did not feel that she was to blame for the outcome of
her difficulties with the General Council. She was quite sure that she had
fulfilled her duties, and had followed with docility the advice given her by the
Consultors. In the sincerity of her heart she frequently repeated a prayer
composed by herself on the words of Mordecai quoted in the book of Esther:
«Lord, Lord, Omnipotent God and merciful King, everything is subject to your
power, and there is no one who can withstand you in your will to save your
Institute of Handmaids of the Heart of Your Son Jesus Christ... You know all
things, you know, Lord, you know that not through insolence, arrogance,
vainglory, or desire to manage the government of the Institute on my own have
I failed with the MM. Assistants first, and then with Cardinal Vives when I was
put on trial; but rather because I did not know, and I was unable and was not
advised how to do it...*24 She felt sure at once that God listened to her
persevering prayer, not to justify her in any human way, but to purify her and
to adorn her with a higher justice. When making her retreat in 1905, she
wrote: «I have seen very clearly that the safest and most beneficial favours
which God Our Lord grants to souls are wrapped in very painful humiliation
and sacrifice, but they give great peace, liberty of spirit and even dignity and
well-being in the situation in which the soul is thus favoured*. Among the
«safc and beneficial* favours she counted a series of events in her life which
had been specially painful; the greatest of these, her situation as «deposed,
exiled and confined*. She concluded her thoughts: «It seems to me that the
Eternal Father did the same to Jesus and Mary. And this knowledge or light
which I have received fully convinces me that I should not desire to be anything
or even to appear to be anything in this life. May Jesus, Mary and Joseph
defend me against that*.
In that same retreat, after resolving to place her sorrows as soon as
possible «in the wound of the Heart of Jesus* trying to abandon herself entirely
to Him, she wrote: «When I am troubled, dry, weary and even distressed as I
am sometimes, I will make acts of faith and abandonment, even if only with my
hps, and I'll not move from there until I am at peace*. Her words were
perhaps rather poetical, but they were realistic, and they showed the sincerity
23
LUIGI CASTANO, Un 'osda di riparaxone (B. RaffaeUa M. del Sacro Cuore) (Rome 1952)
p. 437.
24
The prayer in M. Pilar's handwriting is much longer, following the whole book of Esther
(13,9-17). At the end she noted: «I have been saying these prayers since the General Meeting 2nd
February 1905; I say them after the elevation of the host and the chalice*. M. Pilar must have
mistaken the year of the meeting; it took place in 1906,
636 Part four: 1893-1925
of a person conscious of the indissoluble unity of her being. Few people will
have felt the weight and the glory of the body, and the impulse and rebellion
of the spirit so completely combined as in M. Pilar.
The resolutions of this Retreat ended with a brief prayer, often
repeated with slight variations throughout her life: «... I, your poor Handmaid,
beg you earnestly to teach me what I ought to be; inflame my heart, enlighten
it to know what I should love and hate, and oblige me (as you have done at
other times) to do completely what you order, and draw my hand away from
what you reprove...» M. Pilar was sure that God's love had followed her
throughout her life, and had overcome her rebellious nature, when she had
acted not always through willful blindness, but sometimes through confusion of
ideas. Her deep experience of God - her «Lord», her «Master», her
«governor» - acting in her with benevolence which she felt as affection,
tenderness, patience, mercy, had «converted» her heart; had so worked upon
her heart that from the depths of her being she was directed cordially towards
Him, although this conversion had not always succeeded in freeing her from all
mistakes25. M. Pilar is not to be thought of as a person with confused
intelligence, or incapable of right judgements. But she may be considered as
a person who was intuitive rather than logical, affective rather than thoughtful.
Although many persons admired her gifts throughout her life26, the results
shown in her acts did not always reach the highest standards. Undoubtedly, M.
Pilar possessed an instinct which Fr. La Torre described as «practical talent»,
but her true greatness was in the will, in her extraordinary capacity for self
surrender.
25
In spite of her repentance - true contrition • for her behaviour during her sister's
generalate, M. Pilair did not really understand completely how mistaken she was in thinking that
M. Sacred Heart was not fit to govern. One eiample makes this clear. Between 1898 and 189y
M. Pilar wrote an account of the origin of the Institute. She mentions a conversation between
herself and D. Antonio Ortiz Urruela. She ended: «He told me some other things in confidence,
but they are not to be repeated». But in one copy of the account sent to Fr. UrrSburu she gives
their meaning, adding: «I am not going to write this in any other copy. He told mc that the
enterprise owed its existence to me; that I had saved it» Her exaggerated idea of her role in the
Institute is seen even more clearly in her next words: «Also, he was sorry about my sister... he
regretted the trust he had placed in her» (She meant the charge of Superior entrusted to M.
Sacred Heart, who had been appointed by the Bishop of Cordova, but at the suggestion of D.
Antonio and of M. Pilar). In any case M. Pilar carefully scratched out the last words, making
them illegible. When doing this she must have been acting again from her heart; about 1899,
when suffering so much in the government of the Institute she was incapable of writing such an
opinion of her sister.
Dr. Romon, her doctor during her last illness, spoke of «the great sorrow for us caused by
the progressive destruction of that gifted head...»
641
C.8. ... our true homeland
«Being grateful is what is left for me...»
While her health allowed it, M. Pilar followed the ordinary life in all
its particulars. A Religious who knew her about 1910 speaks of the «edifying
example she gave in the practice of all virtues*. She was always occupied in
simple tasks, «even when she was ill, she swept and cleaned her room, and
however many times I tried to take from her hands the pail of water, the duster
or other articles for cleaning, I never succeeded... she gave as her reason that
she was the same as the others, and she had to do the same as all...*27
As she knew that she would not be able to return to work for the
Institute in external activities, with great determination she took to praying
without ceasing. The feeling of piety had always been natural to her. «She was
very devout, solidly devout... I believe that I saw her grow from virtue to virtue
always, always, above all from the year 1893, and more and more as her trials
increased. Mistress of herself, she rested in God's hands with the attitude of
a very humble slave, which made her call God, Our Lord, her Master, and she
was like a very faithful daughter who regarded God as a very loving
Father*28.
The humiliation in which she lived did not make her heart bitter;
rather it helped to enrich her sentiments of confident, filial littleness before
God. In one of her letters to M. Sacred Heart we find a very human reference.
M. Pilar was speaking to her sister of the gratitude they both should feel for
their vocation as Handmaids, and she said: «WelI, let us do all there is to do
in order not to lose such an undeserved distinction; as for myself, when I think
of it, I remember that I am what our brother Antonio, RIP, called the children
who were playing with us. Do you remember? In case you do not; he said:
"Come here, good-for-nothing". That is what you and I were, and that is what
I am still, and may He grant that I am nothing worse... Being grateful, that is
what is left to me...*29
There is plenty of evidence for her love of the Eucharist. Her devotion
to the Mass - «The passion and death of my Lord is being celebrated in my
own house...* - her welcome for Christ who gives Himself in communion
«communicating all that was His life and His death...* «When she thought that
anyone was sad or worried, she would say with a smile: "Don't be sad, you
always have Our Lord so beautifully in the monstrance..."*30 On one
occasion M. Pilar said to her sister: «... When I feel sad 1 go to the high choir;
27
Account written by M. Felicidad Saez.
JQ ARANDA, History of M. Pilar XTV, p. 62-3.
" Letter of 23rd December 1909.
30
Testimony of M. Mercedes F16rez.
638 Part four: 1893-1925
I am awaiting death with longing, but I am resigned to what my Master

wants» n
There is a touching anecdote among the accounts of the years in
Valladolid. In 1914 M. Pilar was still going every night to the Holy Hour. She
was very ill. «As the Superior thought she should not go... thinking that she
might do harm to her health, this message was given to the doctor...
«But, M. Pilar, what do you do every night in the Holy Hour.

You'll be asleep, won't you?
No, I am not asleep, doctor; as I cannot do anything else, I go there
to pray for my daughters, for the Congregation and for all the needs
of the Church..,»32
At the end of her life she had not lost the joy of praying in the silence
of the night. Although her faculties were weakening, M. Pilar repeated, as if
by a supernatural instinct, that gesture of adoration which had strengthened her
so much in the years when she was full of life.
«To please Him alone...»
About 1914 M. Sacred Heart was expressing in her spiritual notes that
supreme serenity of a person who has overcome many struggles and is
beginning to enjoy here below the fruit possessed in hope.
«I fmd no obstacles in my soul , it is ready for what God wants

to do with it. I see clearly there are two parts in it: one very bad, the
other very good. The bad part, the passions and bad tendencies, great
ones which are there, for which one's facc should be always on the
ground. The good part is excellent. If I am not mistaken, it is often
divinized, and the superabundance of grace is the brake which holds
back the bad part.
This clear knowledge should oblige me to be very grateful and to
have great confidence in Our Lord; not any kind of confidcnce, but
blind, without limits, especially on serious occasions. God loves me
very much, with a very special love; He wants me to know that so as
to foment my love for Him and unlimited confidcnce. Between Him
and myself He wants the love of a Spouse for His spouse; but I must
31
32 Account by M. Petroniia Estebanez.
33
«Intoppo»: obstacle; Mother uses the Italian word written with only one p.
become more perfect in this love, doing everything with greater
perfection and feeling. That I may live and do everything for Him
alone, and through Him, to please Him alone* 34 .
At this time M. Sacred Heart was still enjoying good health. She was
able to say in 1913: «I am well, and thanks be to God, and the infirmities of
old age have not come to me yet*. Some years still had to go by before the
first serious ailment would announce the end. She considered her physical
strength as a grace given her by God, to which she had to respond by working
She was going to have very little rest in this world. «She was remarkable for
her love of work. She did not waste a minute...* 35 «... As she was so
obliging, and was always ready to help everyone... they went to her... sure that
M. Sacred Heart would get them out of a difficulty* 36 «I can never
remember seeing her with nothing to do...* 37 «Shc used to say that poor
people had to work for their food. Here in Monte Mario she helped us to
gather the olives...*
M. Sacred Heart considered herself a sister to the many men and
women who are obliged to earn their living by the sweat of their brow. But for
her, work was a form of prayer, as were all the works of her life.
«Every day when I was in that house - Jerez - after arranging her
room she went downstairs to the garden to pick flowers; I took the
steps for her, and she said: "No, Maria, I can do it; you have plenty to
do" She would not allow me to carry them. So she gathered the
flowers and took them to the sacristy; she separated a few and said to
the Sacristan: "These are the prettiest, put them near Our Lord"...*39
«Our Lord knows how to separate the wheat

from the chaff*
From her corner in Rome, M. Sacred Heart followed with love the
progress of the world and of the Institute. It had grown a lot since that day in
1892 when she had left Madrid after placing the Sisters «in the side of Christ*
34 ..
35
Spiritual notes 70, Retreat, 1914.
Evidence of M. Dolores Aparicio.
36
Ibid. M. Francisca Somonte.
37
Ibid. M. Elisa Merello.
38 Ibid. M. Inmaculada Gracia.
39
' Ibid. M. Flora Garrido.
much. I am still well; having again had the joy this year of fasting the whole
of Lent, and ready to go on the whole year. Thank Our Lord...*
Before her illness bccamc worse, M. Pilar had settled the questions of
the family inheritance which previously had caused much worry for her sister
and for herself. «On 28th December I gave full powers to the person
appointed. Now I have nothing, and I am glad, and I want you to thank God...
I did it for love of God, of the Society of Jesus, and first of all for this (which
I look upon as Mother), for our Institute, for you and for myself, because I
long for us to become more and more pleasing to the divine Heart, of whom
we are Handmaids...*44 Some months later she answered the letter in which
M. Purisima acknowledged receipt of this renunciation: «I have just rccitcd the
Angelus after reading your letter and giving thanks to the whole court of
heaven for the weight you have taken from me. I cannot write in the afternoon
and I want the holy Fr. Ignatius to take this with my gratitude 45 . Mother...
I cannot revoke the will because I made it for love of God, and to show you that
I love you sincerely46. I am dizzy, I think you will understand what I want...
With love from your sister and servant in the Heart of Jesus, Maria del Pilar
A.CJ.»
In 1915 M. Pilar was struggling with a progressive malady which was

implacably depriving her of the means of communication. She was still lucid
at times, especially at certain hours of the day, and she reserved these times
while she could for writing ncccssary letters. The one wc have to quote was
very significant in this respcet among the few of that year. It is not in her own
writing; her hand would no longer follow the orders of the brain, but she was
still able to coordinate her ideas47. It is addressed to Fr. Jose Maria Ibarra,
who was also seriously ill at this time: «I am not even signing, but I am better
today, and I must let you know I am happy to hear of your improvement...*
She made a few comments about his family and then continued: «I'ray for all.
I am offering to the One who redeemed them and who is my Master, the pain
of all this and of not knowing...w48 The handwriting may not have been hers,
but the syntax and the ideas were.
After a crisis in January 1915, M. Pilar was a little better. The last
43
Undated letter, written April 1912.
44
45
She was writing on 30th July, eve of the feast. The letter was written by M. San Javier,
then in Valladolid, who wrote at M. Pilar's dictation.
46
Underlined in the original.
As in the previous letter, to M. Purisima, M. San Javier acted as scribe.
48
Undated letter, 1915.
642 Pan four: 1893-1925
letter from M. Sacred Heart to her sister which is still preserved says:
«Alfonso, our nephew, has written to me alarmed about your health, so that is
why I am asking so urgently for news. Thank God that the trouble has passed,
and that you are so much better. May it continue, if it is His will»49. It was
not God's will for that temporary improvement to continue...
M. Pilar's Gnal months
Before she died, M. Pilar began to say goodbye to this world, and her
figure was becoming blurred in the mists of her illness. In justice and for the
sake of historical exactitude we should state as precisely as possible the
chronology of that illness. Facts are not lacking, gathered from the writings of
Sisters who lived with her.
In 1915, when she could hardly read or write, she could recognise and
remember persons, and she still retained the ability to welcome others.
«As soon as I made my vows50 I was sent to Valladolid where

R.M. Maria del Pilar was living. That was in the year 1915, in
January.
I cannot say much about her, because her illness soon became
worse, and we had not much to do with her. But, in spite of that, I
am pleased to record some memories.
Outstanding among them all is her kindness and goodness. I saw
that when she directed me when I was lost in the first days in that
ugly, complicated house. Besides, after a few days, she realized who
I was, and she called me. "So you are the niece of my Clara?" (M.
Clara Hurtado de Mendoza whom she had received into the Institute).
"How glad I am!" And she began to tell me things about the time of
my aunt's Postulantship...
Another day she heard that my sister Julia, recently married, had
been to see me, and she let me know she would like to meet her... I
remember one sentence of M. Pilar's from that visit which shows her
virtue and that her head was working. It was like this: My sister said:
"So you are the M. Foundress?" And Mother answered: "Let us not
take what is not our own. Others were the founders!"
We were both very edified, and besides that I was edified at seeing
her live and die so poorly».
49
** Letter from M. Sacred Heart, 3rd January 1915.
50 M. Concepci6n Diaz Lopez-Montenegro, who wrote this account in 1942.
Many Sisters remember her as kind and charming, even in this last
year when she had gone down so much. The Religious who attended her until
her death wrote: «I knew R.M. Maria del Pilar in September 1915 when I was
sent to Valladolid as her infirmarian... When I arrived in Valladolid R.M.
Maria del Pilar was in bed and she greeted me with the affection and kindness
which were hers because of her good education and her motherly heart» 51 .
Another Religious wrote: «I remember that winter52; her hands were
chapped, so she had her fingers covercd, but when she went to bed the rags fell
off; then when she was settled, she called me from the door of her room which
was near the recreation room, asking me to put them on; and she said: "Arc
you doing this with pleasure?" When I answered: "Mother, with great
pleasure", she said: "Well, think that you are doing it for your mother; I loved
her so much! And whenever you CIare asked for a favour, do it always with
much charity and much pleasure!*
M. Francisca Pascual, who was her infirmarian 54 , recounts that
shortly after her arrival in Valladolid she was moved to the top floor of the
house, where they both lived «in great peace, and Mother enjoyed the pure air
and great tranquility*. In February 1916 she still had some moments of
lucidity. And the same Mother says: «The brief moments when her mind was
clear, as many of these patients have such times, she could and did make good
use of them..., and so there were times, as in February of that year 1916, when
we used to walk in the large room next to hers, which was reserved only for
her, and we spoke about the foundation of the Institute and of the beginning
. . . 55
of her religious life...*
«This sacred, strengthening Bread-..*
One of M. Pilar's most painful trials in the last months of her life was
her inability to receive Holy Communion. It would be necessary to know what
the Eucharist had been for her in order to understand the depth of the pain
caused by this deprivation. Her delirium did not lessen the pain. When we
consider this, the comments she made on many occasions come to mind, but
especially her words at the time of the illness of Francisco Porras. She wrote
to M. Sacred Heart blessing «the loving care of our God* which had ensured
Account by M. Francisca Pascual.

52
Surely lhat of 1915.
53
Account by M, Carmen Garcia.
54
Sr. Luisa Muriel had been her infirmarian for years; towards the end this Mother was
assigned to take care of M. Pilar.
^ Account by M. Francisca Pascual.
644 Fait four: 1893-1925
Communion for her brother even though he was suffering from an illness in his
throat which had caused many people, including priests, to be unable to rcccivc
Holy Communion. She ended her thoughts with these words: «... no doubt the
privation was more beneficial for those fervent sons of His, but our brother had
need of this sacred strengthening Bread*56 God alone knows how beneficial
that privation was for her; but there are many witnesses to how much it cost
her:
«... Our parish priest, and our ordinary confessor in those days, was
the one who deprived her of Communion; and when he knew that she
was very ill he came to see her and anointed her. When he returned
a few hours later he said: "M. Pilar, you are going to heaven". "Yes,
to heaven, D. Juan. But what an account you will have to give, all you
who direct souls! How much good and how much harm you can do!"
And all of us there remembered that he had forbidden her to receive
57
communion* .
«As she said sometimes that she had not been able to see Jesus
either in the host or in the tabernacle, for a long time, I had the idea
that I could take her to the oratory when the community was in the
Church... I took her three or four times to the oratory while the
community was at Mass. And what fervent coloquies she had with
Jesus! She offered up all her humiliations and suffering. How she
wanted to disappear, to be useless, to live hidden! I enjoyed those
times when I listened to her, for she was so fervent and she spoke
aloud, so I could hear, and it increased my fervour. But that could not
go on, bccause we stayed too long one day and the community realized
it, and M. Superior forbade me to take her to the oratory, fearing that
the effort might be harmful for her* 58 .
During the whole time of that illness, M. Sacrcd Heart received very
little news of M. Pilar. Her chief source of information - the letters from her
sister - had dried up. She had said on one occasion: «I am very sorry, and I
can't deny it, for our Sisters when they are ill, like our Maria del Carmen
now59. What a pity! But when I know that they have had a happy death, I
rejoice in their happiness, and all my sorrow disappears*60. In M. Pilar's case
she must have felt it much more, for many reasons. Besides, the illness was
56
57
Account by M. Petronila EstiJbanez.
58 Account by M. Francisca Pascual.
CO
She is referring to Maria del Carmen Aranda, who did not die of that illness.
60
Letter to M. Purisima, 2nd November 1913.
very prolonged. It must not be supposed that it was through cruelty or lack of
love that the details of the illness were almost completely kept hidden from her.
But it is a fact that some kind of conspiracy of silence continued to surround
M. Pilar61. But in those days there was also a certain sense of shame
attached to the idea of mental illness, much greater than exists today. Perhaps
M. Sacred Heart could have been given some news without any distressing
details. But, it seems that that did not happen.
She wrote at this time to M. Maria de la Cruz who was afflicted with
trouble in her eyes: «Live joyfully, for if you have no sight and you accept that
well, you will see God afterwards all the more clearly*62. M. Sacred Heart
saw the difficulties of this life in a splendid light of faith; for her any sorrow
was glory at the same time, and in every weakness the splendour of God's
power could shine.
Of coursc, she saw this too in her sister, in that diminished M. Pilar
who was mysteriously beginning again the path to a new childhood.
« Happy she!»
At the beginning of July 1916 the bare news of M. Pilar's death

reached the communities. The baldness of the information was an added
sorrow for the Institute who knew well the person who had died. And some
of the senior Religious gave evidence of this63.
The notice reached Rome with some delay, as it did to the other
houses - was it any fuller? We do not know. A Religious of that community
provides us with the only detail which might give us an idea of the impression
made on M. Sacred Heart by the death of her sister. «... After she had
received that sad news, I saw her going towards the tribune; I went up to her
to offer my sympathy, but she answered: "Nothing of sympathy! She is happy
now enjoying the presence of God! Now I am going to say three Te Deums
with my arms outstretched in cross to give thanks to God"*64.
^ M. Maria del Carmen Aranda states that even in the houses in Spain hardly anything was
known about the illness: «M. Patrocinio and M. San Javier wrote very seldom, and they hardly
dared mention the matter. Sometimes, at the end of a letter, always in passing, and fear ...»
(History ofM. Pilar XVI, p. 70).
62
^ M. Maria de San Luis, for example, wrote: «... (M. Pilar) is in heaven (but) that does not
matter, our heart is not made of stone. She will have great glory, because sufferings are the sign
of the chosen ones, and she has had great ones of every kind... I was very sorry that we were told
nothing about her death until four days afterwards...» (Letter to M. Maria del Carman Aranda,
30th July 1916).
64
Evidence of M. Agnese Scavezzi, Belgrano, 1928.
646 Part four: 1893-1925
If she did not know any details about the death in those first few days,
later, as time went on, she began to know more, and this would deepen the
indelible impression of this new definitive touch of God in M. Pilar. Sorrow
and glory were mixed in her passing to the other life, just as they had been so
often in herself. During the last years, the shadows had receded, overcome by
a real invasion of grace, she had experienced in her body very markedly the
impotence and limitations of nature. For M. Sacred Heart, her sorrow at M.
Pilar's death was increased by the surrounding circumstances of the sorrowful
separation of the last months of her life.
In the correspondence between the two sisters over many years a real
anthology of consoling deaths may be seen. Which of them was most like that
of M. Pilar? Perhaps not one. But M. Sacrcd Heart knew that God does not
need to repeat Himself when working marvels in souls.
A letter from M. San Javier to M. Maria del Carmen Aranda contains
details about M. Pilar's death which surely reached M. Sacred Heart. In June
1915 she had an internal illness which also affectcd her mind which was already
weakened. When the worst danger was over, she was still receiving communion
in bed «and she seemed to be aware and to want it very much; so much so that
she did not let us rest if she did not see that the altar was being prepared...*
Later on she even forgot communion65. «She spent the whole day, and
sometimes the night, talking...; and sometimes she seemed to answer sensibly,
but then in a flash came the ramblings. At other times she was singing or
praying, and it was a wonder how she remembered prayers and whole verses...
M, Superior and I, and other Mothers, were with her always whenever it was
possible, and she was very pleased to sec us. But for some time she was not
able to remember our names, but I always believe that she knew who we were,
becausc I could read it in her face. Until a few weeks before her death she
retained that clear glance and the charm which was her characteristic*66.
The last day of her life can be reconstructed with the help of various
accounts. One Sister records that on the eve of her death «M. San Javier told
us to go to see her, but very, very quietly; and when wc arrived she opened her
eyes and looked at us - and for some days she had not opened them...*67 But
the Infirmarian wrote the most detailed account:
«The last night she spent on earth, she had a great deal of suffering,
65
It is not possible to know exactly how many months M. Pilar suffered from the almost
complete wandering of her mind.
letter of 16th July 1916. Sr. Luisa Muriel who looked after M. Pilar for four years, was
sent to Rome some yea re later, to take care of M. Sacred Heart in her illness. She could also
recount many anecdotes about M. Pilar's illness.
67
Evidence of Sr. Diontsia Urcola, who lived with M. Pilar for four years.
according to the doctor; and when she wanted to say something we

could hardly understand. I wanted to stay there that night, without
moving from her side, but as R.M. Rosario Oraa and M. San Javier
thought I should not stay, they decided that I should he down very
near, in the same room as Mother. As I usually got up very often,
they forbade mc to get up. But at two o'clock in the morning she
began to say something which they could not understand; but R.M.
Pilar kept repeating it, so they decided to call mc to see if I could
understand her. When Mother saw me, she was very pleased, and said
that is what she wanted, to see me, and with faltering words she said
goodbye to me, and then; "Thank you, thank you, thank you very
much; I am very grateful to you, and I will pray for you in heaven...;
goodbye until heaven". She pressed my hand many times and repeated
again: "Thank you, thank you, thank you" Then I separated myself
from her. And, how much she must have prayed for me in heaven!
Later, when I went back to sec her, she had her eyes closcd and we
could hear her saying: "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus", very softly, and some acts
of love. All this happened during the night of 30th June to 1st July,
and on that day at two o'clock in the afternoon the illness began to get
worse, and on 1st July, feast of the Prccious Blood of Jesus Christ, to
which R.M. Pilar had great devotion, at eight o'clock in the evening
she went to heaven and gave up her soul to God like someone in a
sweet sleep* 68 .
A «Te Deum» repeated three times
M. Sacrcd Heart rccited her thanksgiving for M. Pilar's life and death
in the high choir. A whole series of pictures passed before her mind and were
mixed in her memory. In fact she could not mark the boundary between her
own life and that of her sister. While she was praying, she could see her as a
child in Pedro Abad, running through the fields of poppies and olives. She saw
her as an adolescent, with her eyes overflowing with joy. She saw her at the
bedside of the sick people, generously sharing with them her youth. She saw
her in San Roque Street, and in Bola Street, in La Coruna, in Jerez, in Rome...
Which of these pictures would prevail in M. Sacred Heart in those hours when
she was pouring out before Our Lord her sorrow and her praise? it is difficult
to guess, because our mind acts disconcertingly in choosing scenes to
accompany our memories. As she thought of her sister, it is possible that M.
68 Account by M. Francisca Pascual-

648 Partf o u r :1893-1925
Sacred Heart conjured up any unimportant impression. But if she had made
a conscious choice, perhaps she would have opted for the picture which she
herself had described; that of M. Pilar «with a very peaceful countenance® at
the door of the chapel, asking if the proclamation of M. Purisima as Vicar was
ended, and preparing herself to rccite the most important Te Deum of her
life 69 . The difficult moments were now left behind. M. Sacred Heart had
forgotten them. Or she transfigured them with the memory of the contrition
for what she had suffered at other times. It is possible that on that day M.
Sacred Heart went through her sister's letters: «How can we repay Our Lord
for the grace of having our family die like this?» «Would that we had all the
hearts so as to thank God for our brother's death! I feel he is in heaven since
he died, and I cannot think of anything else». These words of M. Pilar, written
at the time of the illness and death of Ramon Porras 70 provide the assurance
that peace and serene joy were sentiments which her own brothers and sisters
and all the Handmaids who had preceded her, infused into her from heaven.
She thanked the community with her usual kindness for their words of
consolation. She answered one of the Religious «She is happy». It is not that
M. Sacred Heart was stoical; far from it. But what else could she say? How
could she explain the depth of her feelings?
She needed to sing the Te Deum three times. In the great sorrows of
her life, this was, perhaps, the greatest.
«... A foundation of the Congregation is going...*
The death of M. Pilar did not pass completely unnoticed, and it was
deeply felt by the senior Religious. M. Maria del Salvador, at that time
Superior in Cordova, informed M. Purisima some days later that the sorrow
was general. It was very marked in some, as in Maria del Carmen Aranda,
who must have made known in some way her regret at the little official notice
given to an event of such great importance in the Institute. M. Maria de la
Cruz had died at the end of the previous year 71 , but in June, when M. Pilar
was extremely ill, she, being already sick, wrote to the Superior of Valladolid:
«I received your long letter... and I thank you very much; but 1 have been very
sorry since then because M. Pilar is coming to the end of her life in this world,
and I feel great sorrow that a foundation of the Congregation is going, one who
has suffered much for some forty years, as I have seen all my life...*72 The
69
Cf. p. 578.
70
Letters of 5th October and 9th Novemher 1913.
71
23rd December.
72
Letter to M. Patrocinio, 15th June 1915.
C.%. ... our true homeland 649
diary of the house in Gandia (4th July 1916) records the news in explicit terms,
which indicate M. Martires as the writer: «They informed us from Valladolid
that on 1st July R.M. Maria del Pilar (Maria de los Dolores Porras y Ayll6n)
died in that house in the peace of the Lord. She was seventy years of age, and
thirty-nine in the Congregation, the whole time of its existence, for she,
together with her sister, M. Sacred Heart, was its Foundress. The Institute
owes her much, because she was one of the instruments and one of the first
stones which Our Lord used to bring it into existence and for which she worked
for the glory of God and its promotion. The Most Sacred Heart will have
given her the reward in His glory as He knows how for those who love and
serve Him».
It is impossible to think that the older Sisters, especially those from the
first group in the Institute who were still alive, did not write to M. Sacred
Heart at that time73. Surely they did, but their letters have not come down
to us.
The loss of M. Pilar was felt very particularly in Valladolid and
Salamanca. Within the house, in spite of the circumstances of the death, the
community had the same impression as that of M. Maria de la Cruz, as she
expressed it in her letter: that «a foundation of the Congregation* had gone.
M. San Javier, who was not inclined lo exaggerate, wrote a very expressive
letter to M. Maria del Carmen: «... With all my heart I am ready to please
you, because I can imagine your feelings, they must be like mine...» She told
her about the illness, the last moments and all the details of the funeral. «Her
face was very calm, with a look of veneration; but it was so emaciated that she
was unrecognisable. We had her at home for two nights and a day, and we
could not keep away from her. We covered her with flowers. Each one
touched the body with her rosary or a medal. In fact we did not know what we
were doing. As she went out of the house there were many people in the
street, and they gave many signs of veneration*74. M. Pilar had many friends
in Valladolid, and it is not surprising that they attended the funeral and showed
their devotion. But much more valuable were the signs of appreciation and
veneration given by those persons who had lived so close to M. Pilar, such as
M. Maria de la Cruz, Maria de San Javier or Maria del Carmen Aranda. In
summing up her life they considered that her limitations and mistakes were as
nothing compared with her gifts.
According to the Diary of the House in Gandia, the official notice of
73 Still living in 1916 were: Maria del Amparo who died in 1935; Maria de los Dolores d. 1933;
Maria de Jesus d. 1928; Maria de la Preciosa Sangre, d. 1926; Maria de los Santos Martires d'
1925; Maria de San Josi, d. 1923; Maria de San Luis, d. 1921; and Maria de San Antonio d
1919.
650 Part four: 1893-1925
her death arrived with a long delay, and the prayers established in the
Constitutions to be offered for an ex-General were said. There were no
solemn obsequies in any house.
The letter which announced the death of M. Pilar gave no idea of what
she had been and what she was for the Institute, to those Religious who did not
know her personally:
«On 1st July 1916 R.M. Maria del Pilar Porras died in this house in
Valladolid in the peace of the Lord.
She was born in Pedro Abad, province of Cordova, on 13th March
1846. She entered the Congregation on 1st March 1875. She made
her profession on 8th Dccembcr 1889.
She has been in the houses of Cordova, Madrid, Valladolid. She
has had the charges of Superior, Assistant General and General.
She was a Religious outstanding for her piety, showing this
particularly in her special devotion to holy communion and holy Mass;
so much so, that in spite of her illness which affected her brain, she
did not cease to practise these devotions until very near the end.
Before suffering the congestion which caused her death, it seemed
that she was aware of the help given her by the Priest who assisted
her, showing this by kissing the crucifix with great devotion, and
making the sign of the cross very often.
She died in great peace».
In its brevity the notice also contained some mistakes. For example
it said: M. Pilar was in the houses of Cordova, Madrid and Valladolid»; in fact,
she had lived in practically ail the houses of the Institute; she had founded
several of them, and had been Superior in Cordova, Jerez and La Coruna.
M. Pilar had nothing when she died. The Sisters in Valladolid had
difficulty in finding any personal objcct to give to the nearest members of her
family. M. Sacred Heart wrote to a Jesuit nephew75: «With regard to what
you would like from Aunt Dolores, RIP, I have only a small memento which
I could send. 1 have asked, and they say she left almost nothing; she was a
great lover of poverty, like a good Religious. The crucifix, without being sine,
we think Alfonso Porras Rubio has it».
Only a small memento in one's hands, but a great memento in the
heart. With her death M. Pilar had regained first place in the family, she was
the elder sister once again. In heaven, always enterprising, she awaited M.
Sacred Heart, preparing a place for her. M. Sacred Heart had expressed that
75 Letter to Rafael Porras y Gonzalez de Cânales, January 1918.

C.8. ...OUrtrue homeland 651
same idea many times and in many different ways. «A11 our friends are
keeping a place for us there, and united to our God our heart will be
satisfied...* 6
* * » +
After bringing so many documents to light, after considering slowly the

contents of M. Pilar's letters and notes, let us remember a paragraph which she
wrote back in 1899: «... With permission, a kind of life of my sister and myself
has been written, and I do not like that; if 1 see it I shall tear it up...*77
What would she say now about our history? We have tried by means
of the facts to reach her person, to know M. Pilar. To know her, who in the
most painful moments of her way of the cross asked Our Lord that the truth
might be known, that justice might be done .. that the Institute - the «Family»,
the «Mother», be saved, even if she had to die... A woman like M. Pilar
deserves the truth, even though sometimes it may be a difficult truth, hard to
discover. And we have thrown light upon her faults - God knows with how
much respect, with what immense sorrowing love - and we have rejoiced in the
very human grandeur of her contrite heart. We have made judgements about
her - what presumption, my God! - because when she is known she inspires
love.
Many epitaphs come to mind before M. Pilar's tomb 78 . It is difficult
to choose. Perhaps none of them express the truth of her life as the one she
herself wrote in her youth: «Blessed be you, Lord, for your great mercy towards
one who has offended and scorned you so much. You always went after her,
and as she fled, you surrounded her with your inspirations, pampering and
handling that soul in such a way that, without being aware of it, she begged and
prayed for what afterwards she found so hard to do, on account of her
wickedness, and even more because her heart was so poor in your love...*
76
77
Account II, 16.
78
M. Pilar's remains were first buried in the cemetery in Valladolid; then in 1947 they were
moved to the Handmaids' church in Valladolid.
Chapter IX
RUNNING TOWARDS HEAVEN WITH A FIRM STEP
Lovely, helpful charity
M. Sacred Heart was sixty-six years of age when M. Pilar died. She
still moved around the house with the agility of her youth, but it needed more
effort. Work, the inseparable companion of her life, had become second nature
to her.
If it may be said that her humility was always directed towards love,
- disappear in order to make room for others, decrease that Christ may
increase - something similar may be said about her industry. Witnesses to thk
there are in abundance. M. Sacred Heart never fell into the error of idolizing
work. With her readiness to help she gave constant witness of that charity
which is patient and kind (cf. 1 Cor. 13,4); and we could add, loving, smiling,
courteous...
She said on a certain occasion: «With my desires, which are very
strong, I am working with everyone*1. Her sincere desire to help was always
shown in the generous welcome she gave to everyone who needed her. «I
never saw her refuse anybody who asked a favour, even though it might have
been troublesome for her to do it... "Tell me what you want, you know I'll do
it with great pleasure", she used to say... If someone was needed to do
something at once, it was to M. Sacred Heart they went, quite confident that
she would leave whatever she was doing immediately to go to do what was
wanted...* 2
A Sister remembers a really poetic sccnc of her kindness. «I
remember how keen she was for the community to have very fresh drinking
water. And, although there was a tap in the kitchen, she used to take two jugs
to a well at the end of the estate to fetch it. She must have found it very tiring,
but wc could see that she enjoyed doing it*3.
«She was always concerned about the poor and needy, and tried to get
help for them. I remember hearing her suggest to the Mother in charge of the
works of zeal how to attract a travelling salesman to God; and she succeeded...
She was greatly interested in spiritual help for people in need, and she offered
prayers for the Mothers who were caring for the spiritual preparation of
1
Letter to M. Maria de la Cruz, 12th December 1897.
2
Account by M. Maria Casado.
Witness of Sr. Susana Pagaegui, written in 1928.
C. 9. Running towards heaven 653
soldiers*4.
M. Sacred Heart's capacity for love is very impressive. One strong
point in her life during these final years was her concern for all, especially for
those suffering most. By being always aware of the suffering of humanity she
found it easier to bear her own sufferings. Another Religious said: «I
remember on this point how worried she was when speaking of my brothers
who were in the war. I told her that I was specially worried about one of them
who was a priest, not so much in case anything happened to him, but on
account of his vocation. One day I told her that my brother had come and was
celebrating Mass in our Church. She hurried to hear the Mass, and after
praying for a long time she said: "Don't worry, your brother will come out
safely both in his bodily health and in his vocation". I was much consoled by
these words, which were fulfilled later on*5.
The woman who was loving, helpful, obliging and understanding with
everybody, was the same person who «afire with humble lovc» sought to be
near Jesus Christ in the Blessed Sacrament. There is no reason to look to the
extraordinary abandonment, or the spiritual solitude in which she was living as
the explanation of the intense devotion of those years; the real presence had
conditioned her whole existence. Eucharistic prayer still had the same apostolic
mark in her which had characterised her years of greatest activity. «I would say
she was crazy about the Blessed Sacrament, the adorations she made
frequently, even at night never seemed enough lo her» 6 . «Her virtue shone
out most in her fervent devotion to the Blessed Sacrament; it is impossible lo
say how many visits she made each day to Our Lord. Many times 1 heard her
say she would like to be a missionary to spread the glory of God throughout
the world and to save all souls; not many, but all* . «Hcr love for Jesus
Christ and for souls was ardent. She made frequent visits to the Blessed
Sacrament and prayed for the conversion of souls*8. «She encouraged us
often to make visits to the Blessed Sacrament, and when we said that we Sisters
had no time for that, she answered: "Very little time is needed for that", and
she explained to us how to do it. I always saw her as she passed by the
oratory, look in at the door and stay there for about the time of a Pater
Noster*9.
M. Sacrcd Heart practised first of all the advice she gave to others.
Everyone who knew her was amazed at how well she used her time, being able
4
Proc. Rog. Buenos Aires, Summ. VIII, p. 200-1.
5
Proc. Ord. Summ. VIII, p. 190, statement by M. Teresa Rinaldi.
6
Witness of M. Guglielmina Cocchi.
7
Ibid, of M. Maria Renteria.
8
Ibid, of Sr. Cesira Poietti.
Q
Ibid, of Sr. Modesta Aranguren.
654 Faitf o u r :1893-1925
to work so much and to pray so much. In fact, she had reached the point at
which all her activities, her whole life were now pure prayer.
«... he did not know that she had been the foundress*
Paradoxically, at the time when M. Sacred Heart's supernatural and

human virtues were reaching an extraordinary maturity, some persons were
forming the idea that she was suffering from an unbalanced mind 10 , The
rumour gained ground in certain places; people in daily touch with her, seeing
her so affable, constant, hard-working and helpful, refused, in general, to admit
the idea. But it spread more easily as a vague piece of news, in places outside
Rome.
M. Sacred Heart had lived for many years with M. Matilde Erice, the
Assistant in Rome when the First General left the government. She spoke to
her about some of her sorrows. With unspeakable indiscretion M. Matilde
repeated what M. Sacred Heart had said to her in great confidence. She
herself said later that she did not measure her words, she did not think of the
importance of what she was saying11.
By reading the letters of M. Matilde to M. Purisima we can see indeed,
the flippancy of many of her statements. But it is certain that these letters
were received and used in a way not intended by the author. Some years later,
M. Matilde, who was not an extremely intelligent person, neither did she have
any special knowledge of psychology, yet was able to understand many details
which at the time had been thought pathological. «For example - said M.
Matilde - 1 said in a letter that M. Mary of the Sacred Heart had come to my
room like a mad person. I did not mean by this that on that occasion she acted
or spoke as if she were mad, but only that she came to me unexpectedly...*
Many expressions are used in ordinary language which are not to be taken
literally...
M. Matilde continued: «As Foundress she was afraid that the spirit
of the Institute might be changed. Seeing herself isolated, watched and
suspected, she confided in me only to fmd some explanation, help and
This must have been one of the most difficult questions to solve during the processes for
beatification. From a careful study of alt the facts, made in the first place by Fr. Bidagor, and
afterwards by a special commission, it was seen that not only did M. Sacred Heart practise
extraordinary virtue, but she had perfect mental equilibrium.
After the death of M. Sacrcd Heart, M. Matilde affirmed that her mind had always been
very lucid. «If anything 1 wrote in my letters to M. Purisima could be taken in any other sense,
I declare that that interpretation is completely contrary to my real way of thinkingo (Proc AD
Summ. 107, p. 380).
C.9. Running towards heaven .. 655
comfort* 12
Those worries were justified, as M. Matilde declared in the process;
but for Fr. Marchetti they appeared to reveal a certain kind of persecution
mania13. Fr. Marchetti mentioned one of those worries, which he called
pathological: «She was afraid that her private letters would be opened... She
thought that comments were made about her personal matters in community*
The Jesuit was certain that that woman, insignificant in his eyes, was
unbalanced. He was unaware of almost all the circumstances of her earlier life
as well as of those affecting her when she went to him for advice. He did not
know, for instance, that letters addressed to the Cardinal Protector or to the
Sacred Congregation had been held back. He did not know that M. Matilde
was with M. Sacred Heart «as infirmarian, but with the charge of watching her
feelings, her ambitions, her supposed intrigues, and reporting everything to M.
General*14.
It is perfectly understandable that in such circumstances M. Sacred
Heart should think at some moments that she was being persecuted. She
informed Fr. Marchetti in confidence of her fears. His task of calming her was
an easy one; Mother accepted his explanations with docility, and tried to be
peaceful15. In spite of so much suffering, of such deep lack of understanding,
M. Sacred Heart preserved her «serenity of spirit, shown in her clear glance
and in the characteristic smile on her lips* A wonderful testimony from
that director who really never knew her.
The Jesuit did not know that she was the foundress of that Institute
12
Proc. Apost. Summ. p. 103.
13
Fr. Ottavio Marchetti SJ. was confessor to the community between 1907 and 1912. He
continued to «direct» M. Sacred Heart until 1922, sometimes by letter. (Some twenty-seven letters
of his are preserved).
14
Proc. AposL Summ. p. 145 and 144. Statement by Fr. Marchetti. He added: «I think I
must point out that this fear, which I thought was a sign of an unbalanced mind, may have been
based on the fact that her letters addressed lo the Holy Father were opened... I did not know,
neither could 1 suspect that M. Matilde had been given in confidence the task I have mentioned
before". M. Matilde Ence confirmed this: «M. Purisima, the General, was afraid that the Servant
of God might show some of her notes to ecclesiastical Superiors; therefore I was told to be with
her always, because they knew that she confided in me... I was told to get hold of the key of M.
Sacred Heart's trunk, under the pretext that it would be safer with me. So I was able to go
through the contents of the trunk and find out all the secrets in her letters, if she had any. Now
and again... she realized that her trunk had been opened and searched, and she told mc so in
confidence. May God forgive me, - 1 dissuaded her by saying this was her own imagination*.
(Proc. Apost. Summ. 104).
^ «Hcr obedience to Superiors was ail the more to be admired because she thought she was
being persecuted by them» (Proc. Apost. Summ. p. 149 statement by Fr. Marchetti).
16
656 Part four: 1893-1925
which she called «hers»17; neither did he realise her meaning when she
complained that they were trying to change it. Without analysing these
confidential remarks too much, Fr. Marchetti had a vague idea that M. Sacred
Heart was specially worried about «the lavish expenditure of money and the
ostentation* 8 . He thought that Mother had nothing to do with the running
of the Institute, but that there was a certain antagonism between herself and
those responsible for government19.
The obscurity of her life was sometimes lit up by a fleeting gieam.

One day, after attending the Mass of the Holy Father, Benedict XV in the
Pauline chapel, the whole community was received in private audicnce. When
the Holy Father arrived, he looked at the Mothers and asked: «Isn't M. Sacred
Heart herc?» The Pope, who had known her since the beginning of the
Institute, called her: «M. Sacred Heart, come to the first place*. With bowed
head she walked between the others and knelt before the Holy Father to kiss
his feet; but he hid them, made her get up and sit beside him20.
An atmosphere of disregard had been created around M. Sacred
Heart. For many Religious in the community she was a friendly person, but
insignificant. The constant efforts to keep her in obscurity were bearing fruit.
Outside Italy there were Handmaids who, after several years of life in the
Institute, did not even know of the existence of that foundress who was in
Rome. «She was left completely on one side, forgotten, and at times treated
with a lack of consideration. It is sufficient to say that some Religious did not
even know that M. Sacred Heart existed (and I would note that wc do not
make perpetual profession before five or sometimes even seven years of life in
the Institute)* 21 .
Nevertheless she continued to live closely in touch with the life of the
17
«I did not understand the real meaning of her words: as I did not know that she was the
foundress, I thought she spoke of her Institute simply because she belonged to it* fProc Apost
Summ. p. 142). \ • r •
18
Ibid.
19
rhe information which Fr. Marchetti gained through the process for beatification helped
to modify some of his ideas; but not as much as might have been hoped. For example in his
deposition he said: «The Servant of God's docility and obedience to her Superiors was very
praiseworthy when it was not caused by her unbalanced mental condition; but it is difficult to
know if this was an effect of her rebellion, or of her sincere love for her foundation (Proc. Apost.
Summ. p. 142). In general, as Fr. Bidagor affirms, this new knowledge improved Fr. Marchetti's
judgement about M. Sacred Heart's virtues, but strangely enough, it did not affect his opinion
about her mental state. {Response to new animadversions 60).
2
® Proc. Apost. Summ. p. 187, deposition by M. Adelaida Romero; 295,bySr Brieida Aguirre'
613, by M. Elisa Merello.
21
Proc. Ord. Summ. Ill, p. 79; dep. of M. Matilde Encc.
Institute. It was spreading throughout the world with new foundations

(Belgrano in the Argentine; Rome: Monte Mario; Rome: Ciampino;
Englefield Green in England; Puerta de Santa Maria, in Spain; Havana,
Arequipa, Lima ...) New generations were taking the torch from the hands of
the first ones... But, was it really the same torch; was that shining legacy still
intact? The growth and expansion of the Institute gave cause for joy, but also
of unrest. M. Matilde Erice said: «M. Sacred Heart did not approve of the
new trend towards magnificence and ostentation, in fact she clearly disliked
it...» She disapproved wholeheartedly of some of the customs recently
introduced or permitted by M. Purisima. For example, on the General's feast
day, the Superiors in Spain travelled to Rome to greet her and to present her
with expensive gifts. M. Sacred Heart could remember the time M. Pilar, or
she herself, went simply through the Institute giving joy to the Sisters, and
cheering them simply with their presence. She said, with good reason, that
those gifts for the General and the house in Rome must have meant great
sacrifices for the houses in Spain22.
Important changes had taken place around her during these final years.
Cardinal Vives, who died in 1914, was replaced as Protector of the Institute by
Cardinal Ferrata. The community in Rome was now living in their own house
in the via Porta Salaria (now XX Settembre) and they had been there for many
years - since 1904. But the construction of the Church had encountered many
difficulties, and the building was not begun until 1914. M. Sacred Heart wrote
about this time: «Here we still have great hopes for the Church...*23 «We
are enjoying our work, seeing earth and more earth being taken out; but as I
am not so easy to please, I would like lo see still more people...*24 While the
foundations were being dug, no doubt M. Sacred Heart would have thought of
the building of that Church in Madrid; her Church, raised with the desires and
the sorrows and the efforts, and even the material help of the whole
community. The Church in Rome was inaugurated in 1916, the year of M.
Pilar's death; a consolation for M. Sacred Heart. She used to say: «It has
given so much glory to God since the very first day, that even if it were
destroyed tomorrow, all the effort in building it would be worth while*25.
Those were the years of the war in Europe, and there was very real danger of
destruction. Mother made countless adorations in this Church, and later on
when overcome by illness, she prayed from a little corner in the tribune, in
communication with the One for whom no words are needed.
22
Ibid. Ill, p. 80.
23
U t t e r to Sr. Rosa, 22nd June 1914-
24
U t t e r to M. Asuncion Maguregui, 14th August 1914.
25 Statement on virtues. Summ. ex.off. p. 56.
658 Faitf o u r :1893-1925
By that time the new house in Monte Mario was being constructed 26 .
The Cardinal moved there in 1923 and the General Curia in 192427. It was
a very imposing building, which made M. Sacred Heart tremble. M. Matilde
testified: «She did not approve of building the grandiose house in Monte
Mario, and still less of the house for the Cardinal next to it. One day she said
to me: "Let the Cardinal come too, but they will be sorry when it is too
late"» . Time - and not much was needed - would prove she was right.
Family letters
M. Sacrcd Heart was right when she wrote to her brother Ramon that
she had not yet been visited by the effects of old age. About 1916, her light
step, her capacity for work, the friendly smile which lit up her face, pointed to
a person with a fresh, young spirit. The weight of years was only to be seen in
the greater depth of her glance, in those brilliant, sweet, peaceful eyes...
Once again the letters help us to understand her attitude, and through
them we rediscover the characteristics of a personality always true to itself, but
in continual growth.
M. Pilar was gone, and M. Sacred Heart continued alone the mission
in which they had worked together in years gone by: the task of helping all the
members of the family whom they saw in need of guidance and consolation.
This was the case of their niece and nephew Alfonso and Isabel Porras Molina.
M. Sacred Heart, so little inclined to write useless letters, thought it necessary
to write many times, not only to the niece and nephew, but also to a priest who
was helping them. She wrote to D. Antonio Perez Vacas, nephew of M.
Preciosa Sangre; "Esteemed Father in Our Lord, I am going to trouble you
by asking for a favour... I know that my nephew Alfonso Porras Molina has
been seriously ill, but I know no more than that. There has been no mention
of what concerns me most, that is, if he has received the sacraments, and if this
visit by God's mercy has made him acknowledge his bad ways... This creature
is like a two-edged sword piercing my heart. I am praying hard for him, but
I cannot do more, because although I write to him, he does not answer. And
his brothers do not tell mc anything about him, even though I ask nearly every
time I write. So I am coming to you for you to do what you can for him; even
though it may seem that he takes no notice of you, put up with it for love of
26
The foundation dated from 1917.
27 Cardinal Ferrala was Protector of the Institute for only a few months. From 1914 to 1920
it was Cardinal Felipe Giustini. From 1920, Card. Genaro Granito Pignatelli di Belmonte.
M
Proc. Ord. Summ. Ill, p. 80.
God, and try to save that poor soul. He will reward you as He knows
how...*29
She wrote directly to her nephew: «I know that you are not well, and
as you will understand, this makes me very sorry, although I am consoled at the
same time, because I see that you are very resigned to God's will. That is how
I want you to be, dear Ildefonso, ready for what God Our Lord wants to do
with you, to give you back your health, or to take you to Himself. With whom
could you be better!... If only I could say this to you by word of mouth, and
embracing you. But accept this as if it were like that, and be sure that your
Aunt keeps you very close to her heart, and she asks Our Lord to give you such
pcrfcct sorrow for your faults that you go straight from your bed to
heaven...*30 Alfonso Porras Molina died very shortly after this, a very
Christian death, strengthened by all the sacraments and by the prayer and
remembrance of his Aunt, the nun, who kept him so «close to her heart*.
«The favour I asked of you for my nephew Ildefonso (RIP) had such
a good result that I am coming back to you to ask for another very similar one,
in the hope that it will come out as happily as the first... I am told that Isabel
never leaves her room on account of her illnesses, and for two years she has
not made her Easter duties... If she really cannot go to Church, the Church
who is a mother goes to look for her children when they cannot go to her. So,
what I want is for you to see if this year it can be arranged for Our Lord to go
to her house when He goes out for the handicapped... I am not writing to her
because she has never answered the several letters I have written. If you think
I should do so this time, or if there is anything else I should do, please tell me,
and if I can I'll do it at once. What would I do to take this thorn from my
soul!*31
Isabel Porras was a difficult conquest to achieve, because there were
many facets to her aloofness. Shortly afterwards M. Sacred Heart wrote to the
priest32: «Many thanks for the favour you have granted me; although it may
appear to be without result, as the seed has been sown, let us hope blindly in
the divine Sower that it will give fruit in good time*.
Some years later, she was still worried about Isabel, but gradually a
response was made to her care. «Let us trust that Our Lord will finish his
work in that dear creature, and you in your charity will go on helping her, and
from here, I with my prayers...*33 Not only did Isabel end her life as a good
Christian, but she had the opportunity of testifying in the process of
" Letter of 5th November 1915.

30
31
Letter of 2nd April 1919.
32
33
Letter to D. Antonio P^rez Vacas, 27th February 1921.
660 Part four: 1893-1925
beatification for that Aunt who had always loved her so much.
Her concern for her family was not limited to worry for the return to
the Church, or the fulfilment of Christian duties by the members who had gone
somewhat astray. She was also interested very notably, showing understanding
and loving sympathy with the new shoots of life seen in the new generations.
«I think that the greatest joy for parents is not seeing them rich, but when
everyone says: "Your children are an honour to you; they are perfect; by the
branches we know the tree"* 34 . She received a photograph of a great-
nephew: «What a lovely visitor you have sent me! How lovely is your boy,
how attractive he is, and what an intelligent face he has! May the Lord
preserve him for you, and may he always be your joy, as he is now* 35 .
One of the greatest joys she received from her family was the vocation
of her nephew, Raphael Porras y Gonzalez de Canalcs, for the Society of Jesus.
She wrote to him: «I cannot express the joy that your unexpected letter gave
me. I had no idea of the great consolation the Lord was preparing for me.
Blessed be He for his great mercy, first towards you, and then to the whole of
our family*36.
«I give thanks to Our Lord for his great

favours to us...*
Interested and concerned also for the whole life of the Institute, she
wrote to a Religious in Buenos Aires: «Do not fail to write to me sometimes,
even if I do not do so. I think of you all very much. Is it a little thing that you
are doing for the glory of God? What a reward awaits you! You are worthy
of envy* 7 . And to one of the older Religious: «I am leaving the Holy Souls
for you; it is the begining of the Jubilee of the Porciuncula; but I decided to
write to you, and this must do as a prayer for them, because you too are a
blessed soul, and you also need the consolation of my writing as you wish, and
giving you news which will please you...*38 «I give thanks to Our Lord for his
many favours... and through His grace may that Little house give Him much
glory, very much; not only in Arequipa, but in the whole province and even
much further afield. What joy, is it not?* 39
34
Letter to her nephew and niece, Federico Porras y Aguayo and Maria Benitez, 6th
November 1914.
35
Letter to her nephew and niece Alfonso Porras Rubio and Luisa Benito, 6th Jan. 1915.
36
37
Letter to Sr. Rosa, 22nd June 1914.
38
Letter to M. Maria de Jesus Gracia, 1st August 1915.
39 Fragment of letter quoted in testimony of M. Leonor Alvarez.
C.9. Running towards heaven 661
Many Religious spoke of the universal concern of M. Sacred Heart.

The desires of her youth - «let us increase our zeal for souls, not for eight or
ten, but for millions of millions...® - had but intensified with time. «1
remember that one day when I was next to her in recreation, she said: "No one
who has not felt it can have any idea of the martyrdom caused in a soul by the
insatiable desire to work for the glory of God and the salvation of souls"... I
could only think that she was in that situation*40. «Her ideals were the
conversion of sinners and infidels, and that souls should draw near to God...
and how much and how enthusiastically she encouraged prayer!*41 «I
remember that when I came here to England and was saying goodbye to her,
she said: "How fortunate you are, going to that country to save souls!"*42 «...
When the first nine of us came for the foundation in London, in the first post
which came from Rome we received nine leaflets in M. Sacrcd Heart's
handwriting (the Curia was still in Madrid then). On the leaflets was written
the prayer for the conversion of England which is recited in all the Churches
in England before the Blessed Sacramcnt*43. «At the time of the foundation
in Barcelona she wrote to a Mother, among other things: 'Work without
ceasing to bring to God those souls entrusted to you. I will help you with
prayers, penances and other sacrifices. O, that everyone in the world could
know and love Him!1 I remember that she was very fond of me and
the other young Sister, and she often said to me: "If only I were your age so
as to give much glory to God still!" I was sent to the house in Palermo, and
as I said goodbye I was crying, very much; because I loved them very much.
And when I went to embrace M. Sacred Heart, she said to me: "Maria, are
you crying? You, who have the good fortune to go to spread the glory of God
in another house of the Congregation? Enough, don't cry any more!" And
when I left to come to Havana, I cannot tell you all she said to me, such
fervent things »4S. «I often heard her say that she wanted to be a missionary
so as to spread the glory of God throughout the world and save all souls; not
many, but all*46.
40
Evidence of M. Maria Elorduy.
41
Evidence of M. Dolores Aparicio.
42
Evidence of Sr. Susana I'agaegui.
43
Evidence of Sr. Jorja Simdn.
44
Evidence of M. Teresa Valsera.
45
Evidence of Sr. Cclestina Arrinzu.
46 Evidence of M. Maria Renteria.
662 Part four: 1893-1925
«But, how good is M. Sacred Heart!»
In the summer of 1916 a new Sister infirmarian arrived in Rome. Her

name was Luisa Muriel and she came from Valladolid. M. Sacred Heart was
touched when she welcomed her with an embrace: «You closed my sister's
eyes, and now you come here to close mine», she said. There was still a good
deal of time ahead, but that Religious did take care of her in all her
illnesses47. The Sister whose fortune it was to attend the two Foundresses in
their last years does indeed deserve the gratitude of the Institute. She was able
to tell M. Sacred Heart all the details of her sister's death. By her presence,
Luisa Muriel united the Foundresses in those moment which may truly be
called transcendental.
M. Sacred Heart was still working normally, and she went about the
house with her light, quiet step, but not as quickly as before. The Sisters in the
community were used to seeing her like that always; she was so simple that she
could be overlooked; so holy that one could not but venerate her, and so
lovable that it was impossible to live with her without loving her. But it was
the kind of affection which is hardly noticed until the person disappears. In
those monotonous days of her life, when one day was so much like another, the
unchanging kindness of M. Sacred Heart had become a kind of atmosphere
around her, helping their life together. But generally no one gives thanks for
the pure air until they miss it.
They did not hesitate to correct her. One day the Sister in the kitchen
complained to the Assistant about the way she served at table. The Assistant
scolded her, speaking with a sharp voice in front of the cook. M. Sacred Heart
said nothing, she did not show any displeasure. She made even more efforts
to do her job well And from that time, she was even kinder to the cook 48 .
The Mother who was in charge of the hall often tried her patience.
A Sister who used to help records that when M, Sacred Heart went to the hall
to ask something, very often she sent her away without listening. One day the
helper told the Portress that M. Sacred Heart was asking for her. «But what
does that silly one want? She does nothing but make me waste my time. Tell
her I have no time, and to wait». After a good long wait the Sister repeated
her message. The portress went then to M. Sacred Heart, and returned saying:
«I shouted at her... But, how good she is! She didn't answer even a word» .
On a certain occasion they were in recreation with M. Purisima, and
M. Sacred Heart said something, but the Sister who mentions the event does
47
^ Ibid. p. 702, deposition by Sr. Marcelina Uzcaregui.
49 Ibid. p. 272, deposition by Sr. Brigjda Aguirre.
not remember what she said, except that it was nothing important; however, it
annoyed the General so much that she went to her room, obviously very cross,
(It is necessary to know M. Purisima a little in order to imagine the awkward
scene). The one who had involuntarily caused that annoyance went out after
the Superior: «Mother, forgive me if I have displeased you; I did not intend to
say anything which could upset you»50. Generally not much notice was taken
of her conversation. One Religious recounts: «One day in community recreation
I dared to ask them to listen to what M. Sacred Heart was saying -details of the
life of the first Mothers. She stopped me, saying: "Leave it, leave it"»51.
About thk time, and in general after the Congregation in which M.
Purisima was elected General of the Congregation for life, they began to give
her the name of co-foundress. As the years went by the honour given her went
on increasing more and more. Carefully prepared literary musical gatherings
were held, at which the Cardinal was often present. At these events highly
exaggerated praises were offered to them both. From this it was an easy step
to falsehood at times. Sometimes M. General was praised for works which had
been carried out by M. Sacred Heart. She listened in silence, quite serene and
peaceful. She was too honest and dignified not to feel the shame of the
situation, and at such times she used to take one of the last places52.
Nevertheless there were many Religious who not only loved her, but
who admired her very much; among them was M. Higinia Berg6, who had been
in Rome for a few days in 1912 and had become very friendly with M. Sacred
Heart. In a letter to M. Maria de la Cruz she said53: «How amusing she is!»
She lived with Mother from 1914 until 1923. She stated: «I used to joke with
her, and one day I said: "Here comes our Mother; we think of her as Mother,
but she does not want us for daughters". She replied: "When are you going to
stop being naughty?" This happened in recreation when none of the Superiors
were present® . The last words were hardly necessary, in presence of the
General or of the Assistants no one, not even M. Higinia Berge, would have
dared to give the title of foundress to M. Sacred Heart; not even in fun.
One Sister, who was very simple but very discrcct, recounts that M.
50 Ibid. p. 534, deposition by M. Higinia Berge.

^ Ibid. p. 330, deposition by M. Catertna Rocchi.
52
Ibid. p. 130 and 554, deposition by M. Matilde Erice and M. Higinia Bcrgd. In one way or
another all the impartial witnesses remember the s o o l l e d «family feasts», and how the foundress
was ignored at those times. Such gatherings would undoubtedly be very difficult in presence of
the more senior Religious, who were well aware of the roles played by the foundresses and by M.
Purisima at the beginning of the Institute. But by this time there was hardly anyone left who
could testify to that. Hence it was a long time before the Cardinal knew who M. Sacred Heart
was, and what she had been. (Procl. Apost. Summ. p. 130, dep. of M. Matilde Erice).
53
17th May 1912.
54
Proc. Apost. Summ. p. 546t deposition of M. Higinia Berge.
664 Part four: 1893-1925
Sacred Heart was very fond of going to recreation with them. They looked
forward to her with real joy because of her interesting conversation, always
filled with that deep faith which was the nucleus of her spiritual life. «She told
us that God is infinite goodness and He pours His gifts into us His creatures;
that He is our Father, and we should trust in Him» 55 . These were ideas
which anyone might have expressed; but M. Sacred Heart seemed to be a living
example of all that she spoke about so naturally. «How good M. Sacred Heart
is! She is full of God. How well she speaks, and her conversation makes us
happy!» 56 One of her favourite topics was the Church. She used to say;
«Church of God, how holy you are!» She lived very happily in Rome, because
she was near the Pope 57 .
«Go forward with courage until the end»
Until about 1918 M. Sacrcd Heart enjoyed good health. She still
followed her ordinary life in every way. She was lively at her work, and had
her times for adoration marked on the board; she made good use of any free
moments to help anyone who asked her and to make brief visits to the Blessed
Sacrament in the Chapel or in the high choir of the Church. In community it
was hardly realized that she was getting near seventy years of age.
But she had pain in her knee; and at last she had to admit it. Sr. Luisa
Muriel, who had been M. Pilar's infirmarian, offered her services. M. Sacred
Heart began to experience the trial of illness.
For a long time hard skin had been forming on her knees; the
treatment she received was very homely, she cut it herself, and the knee
returned to normal, ready once more to bear the weight of that body in its
posture of adoration. But during one of those operations M. Sacred Heart cut
herself badly. She wanted to treat it herself, as on other occasions. But this
time she could not stop the infection. That was the beginning of the
osteosinovitis whieh developed implacably until a surgical operation was
needed.
By 1920 the trouble had reached the joints and she had the first real
operation. She was in Monte Mario for some days because it was thought that
she would benefit from the fresh air, but she returned to XX Settembre at
once. She preferred her own house; she had great devotion in that Church
where many people were always praying before Our Lord, and the Eucharist
was celebrated several times a day.
55
Ibid. p. 274.
56
Ibid.
57
Ibid. p. 539, deposition of M. Iliginia Berge.
She was forced to move about less. She was obliged to leave tiring
tasks, and to dedicate herself to simpler work. Her pace became slower, and
the sound of her steps was accompanied by that of the stick.
But she did not give in easily to infirmity; she would work to the end,
and keep up a joyful spirit. Some of her letters reveal this most expressively:
«What little old women we are now! Have you a hump now? - she wrote to
her "dear Amparo", one of the first Handmaids - Try not to have one; always
straight, like one who is always looking at the true country, and I think of some
of ours as neighbours who have taken possession. Shall we attain that?
Through charity, yes; let us help each other with prayers and good works, so
that we may not stay long, or not at all, in the "hot house"»58. She wrote to
Sr. Rosa, the one who went to Buenos Aires: «Our dear M. San Luis Ls
seriously ill; it seems it's the heart; and one side is paralysed. She cannot speak
either. What a sorrow! But they say she is very resigned and peaceful This
consoles me a lot. My dear sister, let us help her with prayers until Our Lord
takes her; we are obliged to do that. I know you are old now, but still strong;
go forward my sister, with courage until the end; afterwards it will alt seem as
nothing to us compared with what we should do»59.
In the presence of an illness which clearly was a reminder of the end
of life, she did not concentrate on her pain. She did not consider herself
dispensed from work, or from living with the community or from
communicating with those who were far away. Even more, she felt more
obliged than ever to increase her concern for others. M. Sacred Heart was not
to be merely a sick person full of paticncc and fortitude; she was to become a
true pattern of kindness.
Her heart continued to beat in perfect time with the world, with the
people she loved and with the concerns of the Institute and of the Church; she
used to say. «Mother, when you hear some news about the Institute, let me
know, tell mc*60.
She wrote to one of the older sisters: «At last I saw your writing, and
it consoled me very much because I see you are in good spirits. Be like that
always, we have little time left before we reach eternal rest and live united for
ever without end. You will see how much praise we shall give to God and how
delighted we shall be because there are many there to praise Him Let us be
greedy now, dear sister, praying hard for the conversion of sinners, for you
know that in heaven there is more rejoicing among the angels over one sinner
who is converted than over many just people who arc saved, although they also
58
Letter to M. Maria del Amparo, written in 1920. «Casa calda»: «casa caliente», purgatory.
CO
Letter written in June or July 1921.
60 Proc. Apost. Summ. p. 530, deposition by M Higinia Berge.
666 Partf o u r :1893-1925
fi 1
rejoice at that* .
She wrote to her Jesuit nephew: «Go on, my son, never turning back,
although you have a sword at your throat ("gola")62 following your Captain
Jesus, in close union with your Fathers and Brothers, sharing their sorrows and
joys. You know that perseverance is the reward of the crown. As I am so near
our Father St. Ignatius here, I commend you to him with more confidence... I
am helping you as much as I can with my prayers, and everyone else in that
house* .
«I mentioned on the picture how much I enjoyed the visit of R. Fr.
Provincial. He spoke to me about you, and left me very much consoled. May
the Sacred Heart of Jesus continue His work in you until death without any
obstacle from you; for it is always ourselves who cut short his mercies by our
lack of gratitude and generosity. I always pray hard for you, that He may give
you all virtues, especially such strong, generous love that would destroy
anything which might prevent you from attaining what He wants of you. Fr.
Provincial also told me that your mother was very pleased about your vocation.
How glad I am! When you write to her, tell her that 1 remember her in my
prayers; and your sister too, whom I also know, and Juan your brother. I do
not know the others. If only Antonio would join you! I received your letter
afterwards, and your wish made me laugh. I have no photograph; if you have
one, send it to me; to give me the joy of seeing one of the family dressed as a
Jesuit* 64 .
«... We are all fruit of the love of His Heart,..*
In July 1922 an erysipelas broke out on the bad leg and rapidly spread
through her whole right side, reaching up to her neck.
There were serious fears for her life, and she received the Sacrament
of the Sick. «Before receiving the Viaticum she renewed her Religious
profession and asked forgiveness of the community... After a few moments of
recollection she began to speak of the happiness experienced at the hour of
death for having been faithful to a Religious vocation, especially that of a
Handmaid of the Sacred Heart of Jesus. She spoke with such enthusiasm and
strength that everyone present burst into tears* 65 . Fr. Marchetti wrote to
her: «You have longed for heaven all your life, and now heaven will come with
** Letter to M. Maria de Jesus Gracia, written in August 1921.

62
Throat.
63
Letter to her nephew Raphael Porras y Gonzalez de Canales, S J. June 1920.
65
Proc. Apost Summ. p. Tl, deposition by M. Rosario Vilallonga.
all its light, with all its splendour, with all its joy*66.
She came through that crisis and recovered a little. Nevertheless, her
life was entering upon a new phase of calm, compatible still with the earnest
practice of work within her possibilities. The infirmarian said: «By half past
eight she was already sewing without raising her head, in spite of her great
pain. And as I sometimes told her to rest, she said: "No, no, we are poor, and
we must work in order to eat"»67. She only put down her work when the
strength of the pain hindered her. A Religious says that as she passed by her
room one day, she heard her calling. «I went in to see what she wanted, and
I found her crying with pain... As she had her work basket nearby, I wanted to
move it, thinking it was in the way, and she said: "No, don't take my work away,
it docs not trouble me"*68.
She still had the energy to write. Shortly after the crisis which had
nearly put an end to her life, she wrote to one of the senior Religious a letter
which might be considered the highest expression of her maternal feelings for
the Institute:
«I always receive your letters, and those of all those dear Sisters,
with great joy, and above all the prayers they offer for me, especially
during my illness, may Our Lord reward them, not as I desire, but in
the way He knows best for each one. I am almost well now, thank
God; or rather, I am well, because I trust in the Lord that the little
weakness which I still have in my legs will soon disappear. I never
forget any one of you, especially my dear old ones, and 1 am pleased
to think that very soon we shall be reunited, never to be separated
again. How much we shall talk then of the amount of God's mercies
upon us, and we shall encourage each other to show Our Lord our
immense gratitude! My Sister, let us go on serving Him with all the
generosity we can, for He deserves it all, and let us always pray from
our hearts for this work of His, that it may be more pleasing to Him
each day. Let us pray for each and every one of its members, for they
are our members, as we are all the fruit of the love of His most
Sacred Heart; may He be blessed*69.
She wrote to another of the older ones: «I often send you nourishing
telegrams by the telegraph without wires. The most beautiful ones! And I
receive them from you, too, and I am grateful to you, because I am sure that
66
m
Evidance of Sr. Luisa Muriel.
Evidence of M. Lucia Vivanco.
69
Letter to M. Maria de Jesus, 10th December 1922.
668 Part four: 1893-1925
you remember me b your prayers, whieh is what matters* 70 .

Slowly her strength was deserting her. She still managed to reach the
high choir, leaning on her stick and dragging her bad leg. On one of those
occasions the infirmarian, Sr. Luisa, met her:
«— Mother, why don't you stay in the other tribune which is nearer
your room?
— Because I want to be nearer to Jesus..
The infirmarian continued: 1 went with her as far as the tribune,
and I asked her:
— Mother, what do you say to Our Lord all that time?
— 1 look at Him, and He looks at me, she answered*71.
She was still able to take leave of some Religious who went to heaven
before her, and she had the courage to console those who were left here: «Our
San Jos6 has gone to heaven! Happy one. I think she is very safe, because she
has been very faithful to God. She is waiting for us now, let us hurry up and
be good, for there we shall rejoice together blessing Our Lord for the many
benefits he has given us. Look at your sister's death with eyes of joy, not of
sorrow. Those who do not recognize God's benefits should be sorry, but we
who do know something, let us rejoice in Our Lord and begin now what for all
eternity, as we hope through his mercy, will be our only occupation*.
From her dark room with its low ceiling, she had seen the entrance of
the Church many times. She loved her room. She had contemplated the world
from there, she had looked out with the eyes of her heart. She had suffered,
she had prayed, she had worked in it. She had lived there her simple life,
surrendered to God day after day. In 1924 she was moved to a bigger room,
more airy, which had besides, what was for her a unique privilege: by opening
the door she could see the oratory, follow the Mass, contemplate Our Lord.
Thursday nights she spent b prayer from her bed before that Christ adored so
often by day and by night. Writing to one of her Religious many years before,
she spoke of the «immense God» whom we shall «possess b His fulness for
all eternity*72. By now He had so taken possession of her heart that
sometimes when it was suggested that she should open the door of the oratory
so as to see the tabernaele, she answered: «There is no need; it is not
necessary to open the door for me to communicate with God*73.
70 Letter to M. Magdalena, undated. Probably written between 1922 and 1924.

71
72
' Letter to M. Maria de la Paz, November 1890.
73
Proc. Apost. Summ p. 245 and 535, depositions of Sr. Luisa Munel and of M. Higinia Berg£.
«... the holy will of Our Lord always

and in everything...*
In the spring of 1924 M. Sacred Heart went to bed, never to get up

again. She still had eight long months in which to live and complete her merits
with heroic acceptance of her illness. To say «heroio> does not mean
«superhuman»; M. Sacred Heart's heroism was always simple, loving,
constant... That damaged leg weighed like lead, but it was not merely an
inactive limb. «The bone was completely decayed, and was continually
discharging. The wound had to be covered every day with more than a yard
of gauze. Her face shown signs that she was suffering very much, and that the
pain increased when her leg was being bandaged. In spite of that no sound
escaped her lips...»
«— Am I hurting you much, Mother?

— Don't worry; do what you have to do...»74
The doctor who attended her marvelled at her «great resignation, great
resistance, real fortitude*. He said: «Once I asked her how she could bear
such pain without showing anything. She answered: "Faith in God upholds me".
She was very grateful for my treatment and she expressed her gratitude on
many occasions* 75 .
Sitting up in bed, with terrible pains in the leg, and in a weak general
condition, she still worked and wanted to go on helping. She sewed, she
mended the clothcs. As she had said a thousand times throughout her life, she
had all eternity before her to rest.
One day M. Matilde Erice asked M. Sacred Heart what she had to do
to attain holiness in a short time. (The question seems like a practical
consultation about a humanly controllable matter). It seems that Mother did
not believe that perfection could be measured, still less timed... But in her
reply to M. Matilde Erice she indicated that the way for her and for anyone
who wished to accept it, was the path she had travelled throughout her life:
«1. to suffer and be silent; 2. to fulfil the rules exactly; 3. to accept everything
as coming from God's hands* 76 . This last, especially, made her a saint.
She was kind to the very end. In previous years when she was able to
move freely about the house, one of her most sacred duties had been visiting
the sick. One very simple Sister thus sums up her memories: «She was all
74
Proc. Apost. Summ. p. 252, deposition of Sr. Luisa Muriel.
75
Proc. Apost. Summ. p. 307, deposition of Dr. Taruffi.
76
670 Part four: 1893-1925
heart for everyone. It seems that Our Lord made her to love and to console
and relieve® . She had less possibilities now, but she still had that smile
which was the expression of the faith of those who can move mountains.
«During her last illness, I visited her several times, and I have very
happy memories of those visits. How kindly she received me! Our M. Sacred
Heart was just like that, loving, humble, simple, and so she had special
affection for young people. She said with great simplicity and kindness that she
loved them and felt sorry for them because sometimes they suffered a great
deal through lack of experience*78.
Her pains did not change what was the constant attitude in her life:
loving concern for others. «I had a bad finger, and when I went to her room
after having treatment, she said: "It must hurt a lot!" And when I answered
that she must be suffering more, she said I was suffering more because the
fingers are more sensitive than the legs*79. Heroic M. Sacrcd Heart. Her
greatness was based on humility and even on common sense. She was always
faithful to herself; in the last months of her life she still preserved intact her
ability to appreciate persons and situations objectively. That same impartial
attitude which in times of greatest difficulties in government had enabled her
to say of her opponents that they were right in part, - and what a little part it
was! - now made her consider that however great her own pains might be, it
was not reasonable to think that she had reached the heights of suffering, when
all around her, as well as far off, there were so many suffering in the whole
world.
She could not move from bed, but she was welcoming, smiling and
serene. Her last letter was written to D. Antonio Perez Vacas, the priest with
whom she had corresponded for many years:
«For some time I have been in bed unable to move on account of

a bad leg, but 1 want to tell you that I was very sorry to hear of your
brother's death, and I am praying very much for him.
I realize that sudden deaths are doubly painful for the family; but
do not be upset, D. Antonio, your brother was a very good Christian,
and surely Our Lord will have found his soul well prepared, and he
will be near Him. We must always accept the holy will of God in
everything, for He always knows better than we do what is good for
each one.
I have also heard that my niece Isabel is ill, and 1 would be grateful
if you would let me know how she is going on; please greet her in my
Account by Sr. Marcelina Uzcaregui.

78
Account by M. Loreto Ilianez.
79
" Proc. Apost. Summ. p. 694.
name, and tell her that I am praying for her.

I wish you, D. Antonio, a Christmas full of blessings from the divine
Child Jesus, and a happy beginning and end to the year...* 80
«... and to all my sisters*
In October 1924, the doctor suggested an operation - the third - to

relieve the pain a little. There was, of course, no hope of a cure.
The operation had to be carried out almost without anaesthetic,
because of the general condition of the patient 81 ; but «she was so brave, she
bore it with so much calm that the doctor was astonished: "Brave, M. Sacro
Cuore!" During the operation Mother was repeating softly the name of
Jesus* 82 .
She gradually became worse until December. During all that time
«she suffered a great deal; - says the infirmarian - but although I slept in the
same room, she called me only once, before midnight, to drink a little water;
she had a burning thirst on account of the fever. She never took anything after
twelve, although she was dispensed from fasting before Communion* 83 .
In December, M. Matilde, seeing that she was getting weaker each day,
suggested that she might receive the Last Sacraments. That was on a Tuesday;
she suggested that the ceremony could be on the following Saturday:
«Why Saturday? - answered M. Sacred Heart with liveliness - that

is too late; better on Thursday, the memorial of the institution of the
Eucharist* 84 .
«All through her life she had spoken of heaven, showing her desire to
be united with Our Lord. She had no fear of death; she accepted it with
joy* 85 .
«She suffered a lot through open wounds in her leg and in other parts
of her body. She did not complain; she prayed and offered her pain to Our
60
80
Letter of 3rd December 1924.
ai
Proc. Apost. Summ. 506.
82
Ibid. p. 457.
S3 Ibid. p. 261, deposition of Sr. Luisa Muriel.
84
Ibid. p. 77, deposi6tion of M. Rosario Viiallonga. Sr. Luisa Muriel is even more explicit:
she spoke to her of the seriousness of the illness on 2nd December, and on 4th she received the
sacrament of the sick. (ibid. p. 262).
Ibid. p. 463, deposition of M. Geltrude Fumasoni-Biondi.
672 Part four 1893-1925
Lord for the glory of God, the conversion of sinners, the salvation of souls, the
spiritual advancement and the preservation of the Institute » . She received
Holy Viaticum on the day which she herself had asked for. The scene of 1922
was repeated at that ceremony. The Religious were around her bed. Infinite,
peaee filled the atmosphere. She renewed her vows, and on reaching the words
asking for grace to fulfil them - «as You have given me the grace to desire and
offer it, so also you may give me abundant graee to fulfil it» - M. Saered Heart
looked at all those present. There was a moment of silence; then, the calm,
serene voice of the patient added a meaningful change to the ritual: «She
looked round with motherly eyes - says a witness - and added in Spanish: "and
to all my sistcrs"»87. She included all Handmaids in her promise and in her
humble «asking for grace». Her immense love once more was vibrating in that
definitive surrender; it was a kind of profession of faith in the mysterious
eommunion which, in life and in death, united her with all the members of the
Institute. That touching addition on the day of the Viaticum had a very clear
meaning for everyone who knew, even slightly, the life of M. Sacred Heart.
M. Higinia Berge, who loved her so much, said: «1 went to her room
a few days before she died, and she said to me: "Come, Mother, we have to
speak". After she had told me that she had her luggage ready, I asked her,
"What luggage?", and she said she had been to confession and had received the
sacraments. When she saw 1 was crying she told me that in heaven we would
be part of a numerous choir of Handmaids and wc would be very happy
enjoying God* 88 . «We have to speak»: until the end of her life whenever
she experienced deep joy she felt the need of sharing it with others.
«Let us be humble, humble, humble...*
M. Matilde was one of the few persons to whom M. Sacrcd Heart had
spoken in confidence. So she knew that her love for the General was the fruit
of her unlimited generosity whieh made her forget all the sufferings of her own
life. She had forgiven her completely for the darkness of her situation, the
positive disrespect of some moments, the sorrows and the isolation of M. Pilar's
last years ... She had acceptcd her as Superior, even though she could not deny
that she was worried about her influence on the progress of the Institute,
removing it far from the simplicity of the communities and of the first
86 Ibid. p. 133, deposition of M. Matilde Erice.

87
Ibid. p. 77, deposition of M. Rosario Vilallonga.
88 Ibid, p, 541.
government of the Congregation 89 .

M, Matilde said: «Some days before her death, I asked her deliberately
if she would remember M. Purisima in heaven... She looked at me, half
surprised and half serious and said:
"But do you think I don't love M. Purisima? Well, I love her so

much that I consider her things mine, and mine hers"*90.
She loved her with sincerity of heart; with that loyalty which had made
her write to M. Purisima some years before, while M. Purisima was still
Genera] Assistant, some words which might seem harsh, but which were
dictated by love: «I pray with all my heart that in all your desires for your own
pcrfcction and that of the Institute, Our Lord may take you back many steps,
and infuse real humility deeply into your hcart» 91 .
Now, at the doors of death, with real humility vibrating in every word,
M. Sacred Heart, in her deep simplicity, had sufficient liberty of spirit to make
her last recommendation to the General: «M. Purisima, let us be humble,
humble, humble, bccausc then wc shall draw down God's blessings*. It was
said with love, but with gentle firmness, a few days before she died 92 .
«... Thou hast been faithful...*
On the morning of 6th January 1925, the infirmarian found her much
worse.
«— Mother, do you want to go with the Child?

(It was possible to speak to M. Sacred Heart about death quite
naturally)
— I think so, she replied quite pcaccfully, When you think 1 have
died, go on saying ejaculations, because I shall still be listening.
«About ten o'clock in the morning she asked me to move hcr»,

continued the infirmarian.
— Mother, I am afraid to move you, because when I did this
89
Cut M. Sacrcd Heart, as M. Matilde asserts, did not speak in public about her sorrows.
(Proc.
QAApost. Summ. p. 103).
51
U t t e r written in 1894.
92 Proc. Apost. Summ. p. 188, deposition by M. Adelaida Romero.
674 Part four: 1893-1925
morning you became very ill,

— Good, good, just as you like - she replied - They were her last
words*93.
The Superior recounts: «On the morning of 6th 1 went to her about
nine-thirty. She did not speak, she only repeated over and over the name of
Jesus. She gave the impression that she did not recognise anybody*94.
Fr. Marchetti said: «About eleven o'clock the Religious called me by
telephone and said that M. Sacred Heart was dying. I had not seen her for
some years. 1 found her drowsy, leaning back on the pillows. M. Matilde said
three times in a loud voice: "M. Sacred Heart, Fr. Marchetti is here". At the
third time she opened her eyes wide; they did not look veiled or glassy, as so
often with the dying, but clear and calm. She saw me and rccognized me, and
a heavenly smile came to her lips, which I remember dearly. I saw her lips
move as if she was trying to speak, but no voice came. 1 approached nearer in
the hope of catching a sound, but in vain. Then 1 suggested that she make a
sacrifice to God of not speaking to me. She becamc drowsy again, and 1 went
away after blessing her* .
Some years before she had written: «We have only to run towards
heaven, and with a firm step, because we are now getting near
("awicinando")96. And what a joy it will be when we arrive there, and Our
Lord says to us: "Because you have been faithful in little things, 1 will place you
over much; enter into the joy of your Lord", and forever*.
Today, 6th January, her life is fulfilled. Now it is not even nccessary
to run; heaven is here. The hours pass in serene silence.
She died about six o'clock in the evening, making just a slight
movement97.
Then Sr. Luisa Muriel remembered the last request of M. Sacred
Heart. Softly, softly, like a caress she continued to say ejaculations close to her
" Ibid., deposition of Sr. Luisa Muriel.

94 Ibid. p. 463, deposition of M. Geltrude Fumasoni-Biondi.
95 Ibid. p. 153, deposition of Fr. Ottavio Marchetti.
96
n
"avicinando" in Italian - getting near.
97
At her bedside were: M. Provincial (M. Lucia Vivanco), the Superior of the house (M.
Geltnide Fumasoni-Biondi); M. Matilde Erice and the Sr. Infirmarian (Proc. Apost. Summ p. 264,
deposition by Sr. Luisa Muriel; p. 132, ibid, by M. Matiidc lince; p. 463 deposition by m!
Geltrude Fumasoni-Biondi).
678
C.9. Running towards heaven ..
ear.
In the Church, the priest was raising the monstrance in all directions,
calling down God's blessing on the whole world, on all people redeemed by
Christ.
The Superior of the house gently closed those eyes in which a tear was
shining. In the supreme peace of that moment of death, a bell was calling to
evening prayer.
E P I L O G U E
M. Sacred Heart's death was as silent as her life had been. There
were no solemn obsequies. Neither M. General nor any of her Assistants was
present at the burial. When this absence was mentioned afterwards, no one
was able to give an explanation. Some made enclosure the excuse; the Curia
was living at Monte Mario, and thus did not think there was sufficient reason
for going out. M. Purisima said she could not remember if she was not well
on that day, or if she was away from Rome. But definitely, there was no
official representative. «One of the first Mothers whom God used to found the
Institute* had died. One of them, not the Foundress...
The death of M. Sacred Heart was the cause of no little upset for the
Religious in charge of «Ora et Labora», the Newsletter of the Institute. They
wanted to publish an extraordinary number, or at least an article which would
go beyond the usual limits. But they were not alowed to do so1. They
inserted an obituary notice which did not satisfy the more senior Religious.
MM. Maria de Jesus Gracia and Maria del Amparo dared to send courteous
but explicit protests to M. Purisima2. But in view of the circumstances, those
who wrote the article deserve some thanks. A splendid photograph of the
body, which the Superior had ordered to be taken, accompanied the articlc.
A Saint had died. They were all agreed on that, and M. Purisima
herself asked for edifying notes of her life to be written. M. Martires, still very
clear-headed at seventy-six, wrote a long account, giving historical details going
back as far as the Reconquest of Spain, to Ferdinand the Saint, to the Abbot
Peter who founded a village in the fields of Cordova... In spite of everything,
her account was not lost in the darkness of the times. It was a true panegyric
of M. Sacred Heart, based on objective facts, containing only an occasional
error of detail. And at that historic moment in 1925 she did not hesitate to
affirm that M. Pilar, too, was a woman with notable qualities; «capable of
managing a kingdom*; she had always shown «a great, noble, charitable
heart*, because the members of the Porras family «have it in their blood*...
The venerable and courageous M. Martires 3 was very daring.
A humble, great woman had died in the odour of sanctity, she had
made love the purpose of her life, union the aim of her greatest endeavours,
of her constancy and strength. She died humiliated, but admired in secret.
Seemingly she was not surrounded by affection, but she was very much loved
1
Apostolic Process. Summary p. 39S.
2
Letter from M. Maria de Jesus Gracia, 26th March 1925; and letters of M. Maria del
Amparo, 5th and 11th February 1925 and 9th June 1925. She said to M. Purisima in this last
letter «... When you entered, the Congregation was already founded and approved by the Church,
but not by Rome, it was not yet time...»
3
Some biographical notes on M. Mary of the Sacred Heart (Raphaela Porras y Ay Hon)
(Gandia 1925).
680 Part four: 1893-1925
in the deepest depths of many hearts; bccause it was impossible to know her
without loving her.
Her Institute, which she and her sister had founded, was developing
rapidly, although its evolution did not follow, in every way, the lines foreseen
by M. Sacred Heart. She said one day; «I am afraid that M. Purisima will
dissolve the Institute like salt in water»4. It was not dissolved. Beneath that
appearance of grandeur imposed upon the higher levels of the government of
the Congregation, abundant sap from the good times was flowing in those
members who, as M. Sacred Heart had said, were «fruit of the love of the
Heart of Christ». Once again, those persons, faithful to their vocation and
humble in themselves, saved the Institute; the salt did not lose its savour.
Many years before, M. Pilar had used a phrase which was both a
desire and a profession of faith: «Othcrs will come after us who will repair
these ills». After the gcneralate of M. Purisima, which did not end with her
death, as she had thought, a generous large-hearted woman took over the
government of the Institute - M. Cristina Estrada - able to face that moment
with exquisite prudence and delicate charity5. M. Cristina always observed a
respectful reserve about the circumstances which had induced the Holy See to
send a Visitor to the Institute. She was aware of the extraordinary virtues of
M. Sacred Heart, and she began the investigation into her life. The informative
process started in 1936; then followed the petitions in Cordova, Milan,
Westminster and Buenos Aires. In 1939 the cause for beatification was
introduced. There were more than sixty eye-witnesses; a real parade. But the
most extraordinary thing was the content of the t e s t i m o n i e s . No one doubted
her holiness6.
Apart from the official accounts there arc some very expressive
witnesses to what the Institute felt about M. Sacrcd Heart. Speaking to a
simple Religious who was seriously ill, another Religious said: «Sister Juana,
when you go to heaven you have to get two miracles from Our Lord through
the intercession of our M. Mary of the Sacred Heart, to console her daughters,
and so that she may be canonised*. The patient turned round in great surprise:
«Do they have doubts about canonising her? She is a most holy saint! If they
4
Summ. Ord. Process. Ill p. 80, statement by M. Matilde Erice.
5
In 1932 Pius XI sent an Apostolic Visitor to the Institute, Fr. Lucca Ermencgildo Pasetto.
He, with faculties from His Holiness, accepted M. Purisima's resignation as General of the
Institute. M. Christina Estrada was made Vicar, appointed on 7th March 1932. On 9th May, Pius
XI signed the document designating her General. M. Purisima spent the last years of her life in
the house in Ciampino (Roma). She died devoutly on 6th July 1939.
6
M. Purisima also gave witness in the process. Her declarations were not very objective, for
she asserted that M. Sacred Heart suffered from some mental imbalance which obliged Superiors
to hide her «mercifully»; but she affirmed her virtues, even ending all her declarations by saying
that she was «holy, holy, and seven times holy*.
C. 9. Running towards heaven 681
are in doubt, it is because they do not know her!»7

In fact, it was not because there were doubts, but it was essential to
go through all the innumerable stages of the process before reaching
beatification and canonisation. M. Sacred Heart «did her part"; she performed
miracles. Oh, if she heard us say that! She was so sure of her complete
powerlessness... «I have nothing, no virtues; I have only what God wants to
give me in my littleness...*8
She was beatified by Pius XII on 18th May 1952. Then she was given
back her baptismal name, united to the one she had borne for almost fifty years
in the Institute.
Blessed Raphaela Mary of the Sacred Heart...
Paul VI proclaimed her a saint on 23rd January 1977. Would she ever
have thought that St. Peter's Basilica would be filled with people from all parts
of the world gathered to rejoice in her triumph? She would be spoken about
in the newspapers, on television, and radio; children would draw naive pictures
of her life; young people would compose songs in different languages, men and
women would thank her for spiritual and bodily health...
After the canonisation on that 23rd January, the Holy Father went to
the balcony to recite the Angelus, and he spoke again about Raphaela Mary:
«A very humble, sweet, gentle, silent, saint, full of spiritual treasure

and edifying example... We can almost hear her voice, which invites
us to follow, in a way suited to ourselves, her path of holiness...
"Come", she seems to say to us in her sweet persuasive voice; "come,
try it; you go through these paths: first, that of prayer, absorbed in
silent adoration, almost ecstatic before Jesus hidden and present in the
Eucharist..." As Christ Himself said, He reveals Himself to little ones,
that is, to the humble, to the simple, to the pure of heart, to the
innocent, and to the good ones, to the disciples who believe, hope and
love... Then you hear Jesus' voice: go and serve your needy brothers
and sisters, especially those in need of education, of help, of love».
The echo of these words of the pope resounded much farther away
than St. Peter's Square; that square which is always teeming with the life of
God's children coming from the whole world. The figure of Raphaela Mary
of the Sacred Heart - on pictures, biographies, medals... - was in everyone's
hands that day. That humble woman who had wanted to write her story «in
the mind of God alone» was declared a Saint.
j
Letter of edification of Sr. Juana de la Cruz who died in Salamanca on 27th August 1938.
She entered the Institute in 1889.
c
Spiritual notes 14, Retreat 1890.

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Inmaculada Yahez, a.c.i.

Translated from the Spanish by NORAH BIRCH, a.c.i.

Saint Raphaeia Maty of the

Translated from the Spanish

NORAH BIRCH, A.C.I.

Chapter I - THE BACKGROUND OF THE FIRST CALL 5

Pedro Abad. In a humble land open to the sun 5

Chapter II - ON THE WAY 18

«We have been served long enough._» 18

Chapter III - ^THROUGH DINT OF UNMAKING PLANS, THE PLAN

Sleepless nights, and busy days in Cordova and Andtijar

Chapter IV - «WHO PLANNED THE EXISTENCE OF THIS

Chapter I - MADRID, CRADLE OF THE INSTITUTE 79

Chapter II - FIRST EXPANSION O F T H E INSTITUTE (1880-1883) 127

The Expansive strength of unity

Towards definitive approval 133

Chapter 111 - A CHURCH WELL FOUNDED ON TROUBLES 176

«A new year is in sight 176

Chapter IV - BUILDING WALLS AND LAYING NEW FOUNDA-

The anxieties of 1885 187

Chapter V - A VERY BUSY YEAR AND A CHANGE OF NAME 203

At last, the «Decretum laudis* 203

Chapter VI - PAPAL APPROVAL AND T H E ELECTION OF T H E

29th January 1887 222

Chapter I - PERPETUAL PROFESSION 239

The setting for a new stage 239

Chapter II - «... LET US ALL CONTINUE UNITED AS ONE,

Visiting the houses 275

Chapter III - A HAPPY VENTURE AND A BITTER RETURN 306

Universal like the Church 306

Chapter IV - MAIN CHARACTERS IN THE DRAMA OF A DECI-

Exhausting the means 344

«Tbe spirit of simplicity wins my heart» 350

Chapter V - UNSUCCESSFUL ATTEMPTS 3^

Chapter VI - ON THE ROAD TO RESIGNING

Chapter VII - «MAY HE LOVE ME EVEN T H O U G H IT MEANS LO-

«God never fails me; may He be blessed,, 414

Chapter I - «THE GREATEST WORK THAT I CAN D O FOR

«... Pray and gently do all I can ...» 441

Chapter 11 - FINAL APPROVAL OF T H E CONSTITUTIONS (1894) 449

The «wrongs» of an election 449

Chapter 111 - A PILGRIMAGE WICH SYMBOLISED A PERIOD . . 483

In difficult monotony 4g3

Chapter IV - TO BECOME LIVING FOUNDATIONS 497

The troubled decade of the Nineties 497

Chapter V - A DIFFICULT CHANGE OF CENTURY 516

«„. To expiate my conduct towards my poor predecessor...» 516

Chapter VI - THE «PASSION» OF M. PILAR 546

«I have received a terrible letter, it is awful...* 546

Chapter VII - «WHEN GOD'S WORK, THE CONGREGATION,

«Always crying out towards heaven, the true country* 581

The General Congregation of 1911 624

Chapter VIII - «MAY WE FASHION WELL OUR HOUSE IN THE

Chapter IX - RUNNING TOWARDS HEAVEN WITH A FIRM

THE BACKGROUND OF THE FIRST CALL

Pedro Abad. ID a humble land

1st March 1850.

«Our Father»: a prayer lived rather than learned

she describes her as well-behaved and good-natured in a dress of dark alpaca.

Solitude and plenitude of an adolescent