Sumário

The Big Bang Theory - 1x01 - Pilot ................................................................................................ 2

The Big Bang Theory - 1x02 - The Big Bran Hypothesis............................................................... 76
The Big Bang Theory - 1x03 - The Fuzzy Boots Corollary.720p HDTV.YesTV.en ....................... 145
The Big Bang Theory - 1x04 - The Luminous Fish Effect............................................................ 219
The Big Bang Theory - 1x05 - The Hamburger Postulate .......................................................... 288
The Big Bang Theory - 1x06 - The Middle Earth Paradigm..................................................... 338
The Big Bang Theory - 1x07 - The Dumpling Paradox ............................................................... 391
The Big Bang Theory - 1x08 - The Grasshopper Experiment..................................................... 447
The Big Bang Theory - 1x09 - The Cooper-Hofstadter Polarization .......................................... 504
The Big Bang Theory - 1x10 - The Loobenfeld Decay ................................................................ 554
The Big Bang Theory - 1x11 - The Pancake Batter Anomaly ..................................................... 612
The Big Bang Theory - 1x12 - The Jerusalem Duality ................................................................ 661
The Big Bang Theory - 1x13 - The Bat Jar Conjecture ............................................................... 714
The Big Bang Theory - 1x14 - The Nerdvana Annihilation......................................................... 770
The Big Bang Theory - 1x15 - The Pork Chop Indeterminacy .................................................... 821
The Big Bang Theory - 1x16 - The Peanut Reaction .................................................................. 872
The Big Bang Theory - 1x17 - The Tangerine Factor.................................................................. 923
 The Big Bang Theory - 1x01 - Pilot
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Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org

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So if a photon is directed
through a plane with two slits in it

2
00:00:02,900 --> 00:00:05,500
and either slit is observed,
it will not go through both slits.

3
00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:06,800
If it's unobserved, it will.

4
00:00:06,900 --> 00:00:09,100
However, if it's observed
after it's left the plane

5
 00:00:09,200 --> 00:00:12,000
but before it hits its target,
it won't have gone through both slits.

6
00:00:12,200 --> 00:00:14,200
Agreed.
What's your point?

7
00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:17,600
There's no point, I just think
it's a good idea for a T-shirt.

8
00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:24,700
- Excuse me.
- Hang on.

9
00:00:29,100 --> 00:00:30,700
One across is "Aegean."

10
00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:32,200
 Eight down is "Nabokov."

11
00:00:32,300 --> 00:00:34,700
26 across is "MCM."

12
00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:37,300
14 down is...
Move your finger...

13
00:00:38,100 --> 00:00:40,800
"Phylum" which makes 14 across
"Port-au-Prince"

14
00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:45,600
See, "Papa Doc's capitol idea,"
that's "Port-au-Prince."

15
00:00:47,100 --> 00:00:48,100
Haiti.
 16
00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:51,200
- Can I help you?
- Yes.

17
00:00:54,100 --> 00:00:57,100
Is this the high-IQ sperm bank?

18
00:00:58,900 --> 00:01:01,600
If you have to ask,
maybe you shouldn't be here.

19
00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:04,400
I think this is the place.

20
00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:07,100
- Fill these out.
- Thank you.

21
00:01:07,500 --> 00:01:09,300
 - We'll be right back.
- Take your time.

22
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I'll just finish my crossword puzzle.

23
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Oh, wait.

24
00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:27,400
Leonard, I don't think I can do this.

25
00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:29,900
What, are you kidding?
You're a semi-pro.

26
00:01:31,100 --> 00:01:33,500
No. We are committing genetic fraud.

27
 00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:36,800
There's no guarantee that our sperm
is going to generate high-IQ offspring.

28
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Think about that. I have a sister with
the same basic DNA mix

29
00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:41,400
who hostesses at Fuddruckers.

30
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Sheldon, this was your idea.

31
00:01:44,900 --> 00:01:48,000
A little extra money to get fractional
T-1 bandwidth in the apartment.

32
00:01:48,100 --> 00:01:51,000
I know, and I do yearn
 for faster downloads.

33
00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:55,200
But there's some poor woman
who's gonna pin her hopes on my sperm.

34
00:01:55,300 --> 00:01:58,200
What if she winds up with a toddler
who doesn't know if he should use

35
00:01:58,300 --> 00:02:01,700
an integral or a differential
to solve the area under a curve?

36
00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:05,000
- I'm sure she'll still love him.
- I wouldn't.

37
00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:08,700
Well, what do you want to do?
 38
00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:09,800
I want to leave.

39
00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:12,900
What's the protocol for leaving?

40
00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:16,500
I don't know... I've never reneged
on a proffer of sperm before.

41
00:02:18,100 --> 00:02:19,500
Let's try just walking out.

42
00:02:31,700 --> 00:02:33,900
- Bye.
- Bye. Nice meeting you.

43
00:02:36,900 --> 00:02:38,600
Are you still mad about the sperm bank?

44
00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:43,900
You want to hear an interesting
thing about stairs?

45
00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:45,400
Not really.

46
00:02:46,100 --> 00:02:49,000
If the height of a single step
is off by as little as two millimeters,

47
00:02:49,100 --> 00:02:51,500
- most people will trip.
- I don't care.

48
00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:55,100
Two milli... That doesn't seem right.
 49
00:02:55,300 --> 00:02:57,700
No, it's true, I did a series of
experiments when I was 12.

50
00:02:57,800 --> 00:02:59,300
My father broke his clavicle.

51
00:03:00,700 --> 00:03:02,600
Is that why they sent
you to boarding school?

52
00:03:02,700 --> 00:03:05,400
No. That was a result
of my work with lasers.

53
00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:12,400
New neighbor?

54
00:03:12,700 --> 00:03:13,700
 Evidently.

55
00:03:14,100 --> 00:03:16,700
Significant improvement
over the old neighbor.

56
00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:19,900
200-pound transvestite
with a skin condition?

57
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:21,000
Yes, she is.

58
00:03:23,500 --> 00:03:25,400
- Oh, hi.
- Hi.

59
00:03:30,300 --> 00:03:32,500
We don't mean to interrupt.
We live across the hall.
 60
00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:34,400
Oh, that's nice.

61
00:03:35,500 --> 00:03:37,400
We don't live together. I mean...

62
00:03:38,100 --> 00:03:39,200
We live together,

63
00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:42,300
but in separate, heterosexual bedrooms.

64
00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:44,800
Okay, well...

65
00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:46,800
Guess I'm your new neighbor. Penny.
 66
00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:48,900
- Leonard. Sheldon.
- Hi.

67
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:54,500
Well...

68
00:03:55,300 --> 00:03:56,700
Welcome to the building.

69
00:03:57,100 --> 00:03:59,300
Thank you.
Maybe we can have coffee sometime.

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00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:01,200
Great.

71
00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:06,500
- Well... bye.
 - Bye.

72
00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:12,200
Should we have invited her for lunch?

73
00:04:12,700 --> 00:04:15,300
We're gonna start season two
of Battlestar Galactica.

74
00:04:15,900 --> 00:04:17,900
We already watched the season two DVDs.

75
00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:19,200
Not with commentary.

76
00:04:21,900 --> 00:04:23,800
I think we should be good neighbors

77
00:04:23,900 --> 00:04:25,800
 and invite her over,
make her feel welcome.

78
00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:29,000
We never invited
Louie-slash-Louise over.

79
00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:31,800
And that was wrong of us.

80
00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:33,400
We need to widen our circle.

81
00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:36,000
I have a very wide circle.

82
00:04:36,900 --> 00:04:38,900
I have 212 friends on MySpace.

83
 00:04:40,900 --> 00:04:43,000
Yes, and you've never met one of them.

84
00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:45,100
That's the beauty of it.

85
00:04:47,500 --> 00:04:49,100
I'm gonna invite her over.

86
00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:52,200
We'll have a nice meal and... chat.

87
00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:55,200
Chat? We don't chat.
At least not offline.

88
00:04:57,500 --> 00:04:58,900
It's not difficult.

89
00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:00,500
You just listen to what she says

90
00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:03,400
and then you say something
appropriate in response.

91
00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:05,800
To what end?

92
00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:09,400
Hi... again.

93
00:05:09,500 --> 00:05:11,400
Hi.

94
00:05:12,700 --> 00:05:13,700
Anyway...

95
 00:05:14,300 --> 00:05:15,800
We brought home Indian food.

96
00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:17,800
And...

97
00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:20,500
I know that moving can be stressful,

98
00:05:20,700 --> 00:05:22,800
and I find that
when I'm undergoing stress,

99
00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:26,100
that good food and company
can have a comforting effect.

100
00:05:27,300 --> 00:05:30,500
Also, curry is a natural laxative,
and I don't have to tell you
 101
00:05:30,600 --> 00:05:33,200
that, you know, a clean colon is just...

102
00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:35,300
one less thing to worry about.

103
00:05:37,100 --> 00:05:40,000
I'm no expert, but I believe
in the context of a luncheon invitation,

104
00:05:40,100 --> 00:05:42,500
you might want to skip the
reference to bowel movements.

105
00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:44,900
You're inviting me over to eat?

106
00:05:47,300 --> 00:05:49,300
 Oh, that's so nice.
I'd love to.

107
00:05:49,500 --> 00:05:50,500
Great.

108
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:53,000
So, what do you guys do
for fun around here?

109
00:05:53,700 --> 00:05:55,600
Today we tried masturbating for money.

110
00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:03,000
Season 1 Episode 1:
Pilot

1
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Okay, make yourself at home.
 2
00:06:27,500 --> 00:06:28,500
Thank you.

3
00:06:28,900 --> 00:06:30,000
You're very welcome.

4
00:06:34,300 --> 00:06:36,100
This looks like some serious stuff.

5
00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:39,300
- Leonard, did you do this?
- Actually, that's my work.

6
00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:43,700
Yeah. Well, it's just
some quantum mechanics

7
00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:46,000
with a little string theory
 doodling around the edges.

8
00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:47,700
That part there, that's just a joke.

9
00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:50,700
It's a spoof of the
Born-Oppenheimer approximation.

10
00:06:52,100 --> 00:06:55,400
So you're like one of those
Beautiful Mind genius guys.

11
00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:01,400
- This is really impressive.
- I have a board.

12
00:07:01,500 --> 00:07:03,600
If you like boards, this is my board.
 13
00:07:04,700 --> 00:07:06,000
Holy smokes.

14
00:07:06,100 --> 00:07:07,500
If by "holy smokes", you mean

15
00:07:07,700 --> 00:07:09,500
a derivative restatement
of the kind of stuff

16
00:07:09,700 --> 00:07:12,700
you can find scribbled on the wall
of any men's room at MIT, sure.

17
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:14,900
- What?
- Come on.

18
00:07:15,100 --> 00:07:18,700
 Who hasn't seen this differential
below "Here I sit, broken-hearted"?

19
00:07:19,100 --> 00:07:21,600
At least I didn't have
to invent 26 dimensions

20
00:07:21,700 --> 00:07:23,000
just to make the math come out.

21
00:07:23,100 --> 00:07:24,600
I didn't invent them. They're there.

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00:07:24,700 --> 00:07:27,800
- In what universe?
- In all of them... that is the point.

23
00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:30,200
Do you guys mind if I start?
 24
00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:31,800
Penny...

25
00:07:32,700 --> 00:07:34,000
that's where l sit.

26
00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:37,100
So, sit next to me.

27
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,400
No... I sit there.

28
00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:43,000
What's the difference?

29
00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:45,200
- What's the difference?
- Here we go.
 30
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:48,300
In the winter, that seat is
close enough to the radiator

31
00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:51,300
to remain warm, and yet not so
close as to cause perspiration

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00:07:51,500 --> 00:07:53,800
In the summer, it's directly
in the path of a cross-breeze

33
00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:55,900
created by opening
windows there and there.

34
00:07:56,100 --> 00:07:57,600
It faces the television at an angle

35
00:07:57,800 --> 00:08:00,200
that is neither direct,
thus discouraging conversation,

36
00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:02,800
nor so far wide as to create
a parallax distortion.

37
00:08:02,900 --> 00:08:06,100
I could go on, but I think
I've made my point.

38
00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:10,700
Do you want me to move?

39
00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:12,700
- Well...
- Just sit somewhere else.

40
00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:16,000
 Fine.

41
00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:35,300
Sheldon, sit!

42
00:08:40,900 --> 00:08:42,200
Well, this is nice.

43
00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:44,000
We don't have a lot of company over.

44
00:08:44,100 --> 00:08:46,800
That's not true. Koothrappali
and Wolowitz come over all the time.

45
00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:48,400
- I know, but...
- Tuesday night,

46
 00:08:48,500 --> 00:08:50,200
we played Klingon Boggle
till 1:00 a.m.

47
00:08:50,300 --> 00:08:51,300
Yeah, I remember.

48
00:08:51,500 --> 00:08:53,300
- Don't say we don't have company.
- Sorry.

49
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:56,300
- That has negative social implications.
- I said I'm sorry!

50
00:08:57,500 --> 00:08:58,500
So...

51
00:08:58,800 --> 00:08:59,900
Klingon Boggle?
 52
00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:02,700
Yeah. It's like regular Boggle, but...

53
00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:04,000
in Klingon.

54
00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:10,300
That's probably enough about us.
So, tell us about you.

55
00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:12,400
Me? Okay.

56
00:09:12,900 --> 00:09:14,200
I'm a Sagittarius,

57
00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:16,700
which probably tells you
 way more than you need to know.

58
00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:20,000
Yes. It tells us that you participate
in the mass cultural delusion

59
00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:21,400
that the sun's apparent position

60
00:09:21,500 --> 00:09:24,400
relative to arbitrarily defined
constellations at the time of your birth

61
00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:26,400
somehow affects your personality.

62
00:09:29,100 --> 00:09:30,500
Participate in the what?

63
 00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:32,900
I think
what Sheldon's trying to say

64
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:35,900
is that Sagittarius wouldn't have been
our first guess.

65
00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:38,500
Yeah, a lot of people
think I'm a water sign.

66
00:09:39,300 --> 00:09:41,100
Okay, let's see, what else.

67
00:09:41,300 --> 00:09:43,300
I'm a vegetarian.
Except for fish.

68
00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:45,500
And the occasional steak. I love steak!

69
00:09:48,100 --> 00:09:49,200
Well, that's interesting.

70
00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:51,300
Leonard can't process corn.

71
00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:57,900
Well... do you have some sort of a job?

72
00:09:58,900 --> 00:10:01,100
I'm a waitress
at The Cheesecake Factory.

73
00:10:01,700 --> 00:10:02,900
I love cheesecake.

74
00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:04,100
 You're lactose-intolerant.

75
00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:06,700
I don't eat it...
I just think it's a good idea.

76
00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:10,100
Anyways, I'm also writing a screenplay.

77
00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:13,300
It's about this sensitive girl who comes
to L.A. from Lincoln, Nebraska,

78
00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:16,900
to be an actress and winds up
a waitress at The Cheesecake Factory.

79
00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:20,300
So, it's based on your life.
 80
00:10:20,500 --> 00:10:21,600
No, I'm from Omaha.

81
00:10:25,900 --> 00:10:27,900
If that was movie, I would go see it.

82
00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:29,100
I know, right?

83
00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:31,400
Okay, let's see, what else...

84
00:10:32,700 --> 00:10:34,500
Guess that's about it.

85
00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:36,500
That's the story of Penny.

86
00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:39,200
It sounds wonderful.

87
00:10:40,500 --> 00:10:41,500
It was.

88
00:10:42,100 --> 00:10:44,600
Until I fell in love with a jerk!

89
00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:49,400
What's happening?

90
00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:54,800
God, you know,
4 years I lived with him.

91
00:10:54,900 --> 00:10:57,800
4 years... that's like
as long as high school.
 92
00:10:57,900 --> 00:11:00,000
It took you 4 years
to get through high school?

93
00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:05,400
It just... I can't believe
I trusted him.

94
00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:13,000
Should I say something?
I feel like I should say something.

95
00:11:13,100 --> 00:11:14,800
You? No, you'll only make it worse.

96
00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:17,100
You want to know the most pathetic part?

97
00:11:17,300 --> 00:11:20,300
 Even though I hate
his lying, cheating guts...

98
00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:22,500
I still love him.

99
00:11:23,500 --> 00:11:24,500
Is that crazy?

100
00:11:28,100 --> 00:11:30,500
No, it's not crazy. It's a...

101
00:11:31,500 --> 00:11:33,000
It's a paradox.

102
00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:36,700
Paradoxes are part of nature.
Think about light.

103
 00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:39,300
If you look at Huygens, light is a wave,

104
00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:41,300
as confirmed
by the double-slit experiments,

105
00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:43,700
but then along comes Albert Einstein

106
00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:47,100
and discovers that light
behaves like particles, too.

107
00:11:49,700 --> 00:11:51,300
Well, I didn't make it worse.

108
00:11:53,700 --> 00:11:55,700
I'm so sorry. I'm such a mess.
 109
00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:58,300
On top of everything else,
I'm all gross from moving

110
00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:00,000
and my stupid shower doesn't even work.

111
00:12:00,100 --> 00:12:01,200
Our shower works.

112
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:05,000
Really? Would it be totally
weird if I used it?

113
00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:06,300
- Yes.
- No.

114
00:12:09,300 --> 00:12:10,700
 It's right down the hall.

115
00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:12,000
Thanks.

116
00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:13,700
You guys are really sweet.

117
00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:22,800
Well, this is an
interesting development.

118
00:12:25,900 --> 00:12:26,900
How so?

119
00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:29,200
It has been some time
since we've had a woman

120
 00:12:29,300 --> 00:12:31,000
take her clothes off in our apartment.

121
00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:33,600
That's not true.
Remember at Thanksgiving,

122
00:12:33,700 --> 00:12:36,200
my grandmother with Alzheimer's
had that episode?

123
00:12:38,300 --> 00:12:40,000
Point taken.
It has been some time

124
00:12:40,100 --> 00:12:41,900
since we've had a woman
take her clothes off,

125
00:12:42,100 --> 00:12:44,400
 after which we didn't
want to rip our eyes out.

126
00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:48,700
The worst part was watching
her carve that turkey.

127
00:12:49,700 --> 00:12:52,600
So what exactly are you
trying to accomplish here?

128
00:12:53,500 --> 00:12:54,600
Excuse me?

129
00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:56,900
That woman is not
going to have sex with you.

130
00:12:57,100 --> 00:12:59,400
I'm not trying to have sex with her.
 131
00:12:59,500 --> 00:13:01,500
Good. Then you won't be disappointed.

132
00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:05,100
What makes you think she
wouldn't have sex with me?

133
00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:07,100
I'm a male and she's a female.

134
00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:09,800
Yes, but not of the same species.

135
00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:13,100
I'm not going to engage
in hypotheticals here.

136
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:15,000
I'm just trying to be a good neighbor.

137
00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:16,500
Of course.

138
00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:20,000
That's not to say that if a carnal
relationship were to develop,

139
00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:21,700
that I wouldn't participate.

140
00:13:24,100 --> 00:13:25,200
However briefly.

141
00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:29,100
Do you think this possibility
will be helped or hindered

142
 00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:32,600
when she discovers your Luke Skywalker
no-more-tears shampoo?

143
00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:35,300
It's Darth Vader shampoo.

144
00:13:37,300 --> 00:13:39,200
Luke Skywalker's the conditioner.

145
00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:44,500
- Wait till you see this.
- It's fantastic, unbelievable.

146
00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:45,600
See what?

147
00:13:46,900 --> 00:13:51,000
It's a Stephen Hawking lecture
from MIT in 1974.
 148
00:13:51,100 --> 00:13:52,200
This isn't a good time.

149
00:13:52,300 --> 00:13:55,400
It's before he became
a creepy computer voice.

150
00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:00,700
- That's great. You guys have to go.
- Why?

151
00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:02,000
It's just not a good time.

152
00:14:02,100 --> 00:14:03,700
Leonard has a lady over.

153
00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:06,800
 Yeah, right... your
grandmother back in town?

154
00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:12,600
And she's not a lady.
She's just a new neighbor.

155
00:14:12,900 --> 00:14:15,300
Hang on, there really is a lady here?

156
00:14:16,500 --> 00:14:19,600
And you want us out because
you're anticipating coitus?

157
00:14:20,100 --> 00:14:21,700
I'm not anticipating coitus.

158
00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:23,100
So she's available for coitus?
 159
00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:25,600
Can we please just stop saying "coitus"?

160
00:14:25,700 --> 00:14:28,500
Technically, that would
be"coitus interruptus. "

161
00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:32,300
Hey, is there a trick to getting it
to switch from tub to shower...?

162
00:14:32,900 --> 00:14:34,900
Hi. Sorry.
Hello.

163
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:38,600
<i>Enchanté, mademoiselle.</i>

164
00:14:40,900 --> 00:14:44,000
 Howard Wolowitz,
Caltech department of applied physics.

165
00:14:44,100 --> 00:14:46,200
You may be familiar
with some of my work.

166
00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:48,900
It's currently orbiting
Jupiter's largest moon

167
00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:51,400
taking high-resolution
digital photographs.

168
00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:54,800
Penny. I work at The Cheesecake Factory.

169
00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:57,200
I'll show you the trick with the shower.
 170
00:14:57,800 --> 00:14:58,800
<i>Bonne douche.</i>

171
00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:00,900
I'm sorry?

172
00:15:01,100 --> 00:15:02,900
It's French for "good shower. "

173
00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:05,700
It's a sentiment I can express
in six languages.

174
00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:08,300
Save it for your blog, Howard.

175
00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:18,700
All right, there it goes.
 It sticks. I'm sorry.

176
00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:20,400
- Okay, thanks.
- You're welcome.

177
00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:22,500
You're just gonna
to step right... Okay, I'll...

178
00:15:23,500 --> 00:15:26,200
- Hey, Leonard?
- The hair products are Sheldon's.

179
00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:30,000
Can I ask you a favor?

180
00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:31,200
A favor?
 181
00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:34,900
Sure, you can ask me a favor.
I would do you a favor for you.

182
00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:37,200
It's okay if you say no.

183
00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:39,000
I'll probably say yes.

184
00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:43,500
It's just not the kind of thing
you ask a guy you just met.

1
00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:56,800
I really think we should examine
the chain of causality here.

2
00:15:56,900 --> 00:15:58,300
 - Must we?
- Event A...

3
00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:00,600
A beautiful woman
stands naked in our shower.

4
00:16:00,700 --> 00:16:04,100
Event B... we drive halfway across town
to retrieve a television set

5
00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:06,100
from the aforementioned
woman's ex-boyfriend.

6
00:16:06,300 --> 00:16:08,400
Query... on what plane of existence

7
00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:11,700
is there even a semi-rational
 link between these events?

8
00:16:12,900 --> 00:16:15,200
She asked me to do her a favor, Sheldon.

9
00:16:15,500 --> 00:16:18,000
Yes, well, that may be
the proximal cause of our journey,

10
00:16:18,100 --> 00:16:20,500
but we both know it only exists
in contradistinction

11
00:16:20,700 --> 00:16:22,500
to the higher level distal cause.

12
00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:24,900
- Which is?
- You think with your penis.
 13
00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:29,700
That's a biological impossibility.
And you didn't have to come.

14
00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:32,800
Right, I could have stayed behind
and watch Wolowitz try to hit on Penny

15
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:34,500
in Russian, Arabic and Farsi.

16
00:16:35,500 --> 00:16:37,200
Why can't she get her own TV?

17
00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:39,300
Come on, you know
how it is with breakups.

18
00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:41,500
 No, I don't... and neither do you.

19
00:16:42,700 --> 00:16:44,200
I broke up with Joyce Kim.

20
00:16:44,300 --> 00:16:47,500
You did not break up with Joyce Kim.
She defected to North Korea.

21
00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:49,500
To mend her broken heart.

22
00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:55,600
This situation is much less complicated.

23
00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:58,400
There's some kind of dispute
between Penny and her ex-boyfriend

24
 00:16:58,500 --> 00:17:00,100
as to who gets custody of the TV.

25
00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:02,400
She just wanted to avoid
having a scene with him.

26
00:17:02,500 --> 00:17:06,500
- So we get to have a scene with him?
- No, there's not going to be a scene.

27
00:17:06,900 --> 00:17:08,600
There's two of us and one of him.

28
00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:11,400
Leonard, the two of us
can't even carry a TV.

29
00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:16,500
So, you guys work with Leonard
 and Sheldon at the university?

30
00:17:22,300 --> 00:17:24,300
I'm sorry, do you speak English?

31
00:17:25,100 --> 00:17:27,800
He speaks English.
He just can't speak to women.

32
00:17:28,700 --> 00:17:29,900
Really? Why?

33
00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:31,700
He's kind of a nerd.

34
00:17:34,700 --> 00:17:35,700
Juice box?

35
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:42,100
 I'll do the talking.

36
00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:45,400
- <i>Yeah?</i>
- Hi, I'm Leonard, this is Sheldon.

37
00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:47,200
- Hello.
- What did I just--

38
00:17:49,500 --> 00:17:52,300
- We're here to pick up Penny's TV.
- <i>Get lost.</i>

39
00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:53,600
Okay, thanks for you time.

40
00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:56,100
We're not going
to give up just like that.
 41
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:57,600
Leonard, the TV's in the building.

42
00:17:57,700 --> 00:18:00,500
We've been denied access
to the building, ergo, we are done.

43
00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:03,600
Excuse me. If I were to give up
on the first little hitch,

44
00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:06,400
I never would have identified
the fingerprints of string theory

45
00:18:06,500 --> 00:18:08,300
in the aftermath of the Big Bang.

46
 00:18:09,700 --> 00:18:11,700
My apologies. What's your plan?

47
00:18:25,900 --> 00:18:28,500
It's just a privilege to watch
your mind at work.

48
00:18:29,700 --> 00:18:32,400
Come on, we have a combined IQ of 360.

49
00:18:32,500 --> 00:18:35,400
We should be able to figure out
how to get into a stupid building.

50
00:18:39,500 --> 00:18:41,100
What do you think their combined IQ is?

51
00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:42,200
Just grab the door!
 52
00:18:44,900 --> 00:18:45,900
This is it.

53
00:18:47,500 --> 00:18:48,600
I'll do the talking.

54
00:18:48,900 --> 00:18:51,100
Good thinking.
I'll just be the muscle.

55
00:18:58,700 --> 00:18:59,700
Yeah?

56
00:18:59,900 --> 00:19:01,600
I'm Leonard, this is Sheldon.

57
00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:03,100
From the intercom.
 58
00:19:05,100 --> 00:19:06,800
How the hell did you get
in the building?

59
00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:09,600
We're scientists.

60
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:13,400
Tell him about our IQ.

61
00:19:26,300 --> 00:19:28,000
- Leonard...
- What?

62
00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:30,500
- My mom bought me those pants.
- I'm sorry.

63
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:33,800
 You're going to have to call her.

64
00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:39,400
Sheldon, I am so sorry
I dragged you through this.

65
00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:43,300
It's okay. It wasn't my first pantsing
and it won't be my last.

66
00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:45,700
And you were right about my motives.

67
00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:49,200
I was hoping to establish
a relationship with Penny

68
00:19:49,300 --> 00:19:51,300
that might have someday led to sex.
 69
00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:54,400
Well, you got me out of my pants.

70
00:19:56,500 --> 00:19:58,200
Anyway, I've learned my lesson.

71
00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:00,200
She's out of my league,
I'm done with her.

72
00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:03,200
Got my work, one day
I'll win the Nobel Prize

73
00:20:03,300 --> 00:20:04,500
and then I'll die alone.

74
00:20:04,700 --> 00:20:07,600
Don't think like that.
 You're not going to die alone.

75
00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:10,200
Thank you, Sheldon.
You're a good friend.

76
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:14,900
And you're certainly not
going to win a Nobel Prize.

77
00:20:15,500 --> 00:20:19,100
This is one of my favorite places
to kick back after a quest.

78
00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:20,800
They have a great house ale.

79
00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:22,500
Cool tiger.
 80
00:20:22,700 --> 00:20:24,600
Yeah, I've had him since level ten.

81
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:27,100
His name is Buttons.

82
00:20:28,100 --> 00:20:30,300
Anyway, if you had
your own game character

83
00:20:30,500 --> 00:20:32,800
we could hang out, maybe go on a quest.

84
00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:35,600
That sounds interesting.

85
00:20:35,900 --> 00:20:36,900
You'll think about it?
 86
00:20:37,300 --> 00:20:39,800
I don't think I'll be able
to stop thinking about it.

87
00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:42,800
Smooth.

88
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:46,200
We're home.

89
00:20:46,700 --> 00:20:48,400
My God, what happened?

90
00:20:48,500 --> 00:20:50,600
Well, your ex-boyfriend
sends his regards

91
00:20:50,700 --> 00:20:53,500
and I think the rest
 is fairly self-explanatory.

92
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:57,500
I'm so sorry. I really thought
if you guys went instead of me

93
00:20:57,600 --> 00:20:58,800
he wouldn't be such an ass.

94
00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:01,000
No, it was a valid hypothesis.

95
00:21:01,100 --> 00:21:03,700
That was a valid...?
What is happening to you?

96
00:21:04,900 --> 00:21:08,500
Really, thank you so much
for going and trying, you're just...
 97
00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:12,000
You're so terrific. Really.

98
00:21:13,300 --> 00:21:14,800
Why don't you put some clothes on,

99
00:21:14,900 --> 00:21:17,000
I'll get my purse,
and dinner is on me, okay?

100
00:21:17,100 --> 00:21:18,300
- Really? Great.
- Thank you.

101
00:21:24,900 --> 00:21:26,800
You're not done with her, are you?

102
00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:30,500
Are babies will be smart and beautiful.
 103
00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:34,700
Not to mention imaginary.

1
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:45,900
- Is Thai food okay with you, Penny?
- Sure.

2
00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:47,000
We can't have Thai food,

3
00:21:47,100 --> 00:21:48,800
- we had Indian for lunch.
- So?

4
00:21:49,100 --> 00:21:51,500
- They're both curry-based cuisines.
- So?

5
 00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:53,500
It would be gastronomically redundant.

6
00:21:53,700 --> 00:21:57,500
I can see we're going to have
to spell out everything for this girl.

7
00:21:58,000 --> 00:21:59,200
Any ideas, Raj?

8
00:22:01,700 --> 00:22:03,900
Turn left on Lake Street
and head up to Colorado.

9
00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:06,700
I know a wonderful
little sushi bar that has karaoke.

10
00:22:06,900 --> 00:22:08,100
That sounds like fun.
 11
00:22:21,500 --> 00:22:23,800
I don't know what your odds
are in the world as a whole,

12
00:22:23,900 --> 00:22:25,900
but as far as the population
of this car goes,

13
00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:27,700
you're a veritable mack daddy.

9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
<font color="#ffff00" size=14>www.tvsubtitles.net</font>

10000
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:13,000
Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org
The Big Bang Theory - 1x02 - The Big Bran Hypothesis

00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000

Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org

1
00:00:00,700 --> 00:00:02,700
Here we go.
Pad thai, no peanuts.

2
00:00:02,800 --> 00:00:04,100
But does it have peanut oil?

3
00:00:04,300 --> 00:00:05,500
I'm not sure.

4
00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:08,200
Everyone keep an eye on Howard
in case he starts to swell up.

5
00:00:09,700 --> 00:00:12,300
 Since it's not bee season,
you can have my epinephrine.

6
00:00:13,500 --> 00:00:16,100
- Are there any chopsticks.
- No need. This is Thai food.

7
00:00:16,300 --> 00:00:17,400
Here we go.

8
00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:20,400
Thailand has had the fork since
the latter half of the 19th Century.

9
00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:22,800
Interestingly they don't put the fork
in their mouth--

10
00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:25,900
they use it to put the food on a spoon
which then goes into their mouth.

11
00:00:27,500 --> 00:00:29,200
Ask him for a napkin.
I dare you.

12
00:00:31,300 --> 00:00:32,300
I'll get it.

13
00:00:32,900 --> 00:00:34,600
Do I look puffy? I feel puffy.

14
00:00:36,500 --> 00:00:38,000
- Hey, Leonard.
- Oh, hi, Penny.

15
00:00:38,100 --> 00:00:40,500
- Am I interrupting?
- No. You're not swelling, Howard.
 16
00:00:41,100 --> 00:00:43,300
Look at my fingers.
They're like Vienna sausages.

17
00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:46,800
- Sounds like you have company.
- They're not going anywhere.

18
00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:50,800
So, you're coming home from work.
That's great. How was work?

19
00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:52,600
You know, it's a Cheesecake Factory.

20
00:00:52,700 --> 00:00:54,700
People order cheesecake
and I bring it to them.

21
 00:00:55,100 --> 00:00:59,600
So you kind of act like
a carbohydrate delivery system.

22
00:01:01,700 --> 00:01:04,000
Yeah. Call it whatever you want,
I get minimum wage.

23
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:08,400
I was wondering if you could help me out

24
00:01:08,500 --> 00:01:09,800
- with something.
- Yes.

25
00:01:11,100 --> 00:01:12,500
Great. I'm having some furniture

26
00:01:12,700 --> 00:01:14,600
delivered tomorrow
 and I may not be here, so...

27
00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:18,000
Hello.

28
00:01:22,500 --> 00:01:24,300
- I'm sorry?
- Haven't you ever been told

29
00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:26,200
how beautiful you are
in flawless Russian?

30
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:28,000
No, I haven't.

31
00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:29,200
Get used to it.

32
00:01:30,300 --> 00:01:31,900
Yeah. I probably won't.

33
00:01:32,900 --> 00:01:34,000
- Hey, Sheldon.
- Hi.

34
00:01:34,300 --> 00:01:35,300
Hey, Raj.

35
00:01:37,600 --> 00:01:39,000
Still not talking to me, huh?

36
00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:41,300
Don't take it personally,
it's his pathology.

37
00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:42,600
He can't talk to women.
 38
00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:45,000
It can't talk to atractive woman,
or in your case,

39
00:01:45,100 --> 00:01:47,000
a cheesecake- scented goddess.

40
00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:49,900
So there's gonna be
some furniture delivered?

41
00:01:50,100 --> 00:01:52,200
If it gets here and I'm not here,
could you sign

42
00:01:52,300 --> 00:01:54,000
and have them put it in my apartment?

43
00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:55,200
 No problem.

44
00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:57,100
Great. Here's my spare key.
Thank you.

45
00:01:59,700 --> 00:02:00,700
Penny, wait.

46
00:02:04,100 --> 00:02:06,600
If you don't have any other plans,
do you want to join us

47
00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:08,900
for Thai food
and a Superman movie marathon?

48
00:02:09,300 --> 00:02:11,900
A marathon?
How many Superman movies are there?
 49
00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:13,900
You're kidding, right?

50
00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:17,900
I do like the one where Lois Lane
falls from the helicopter

51
00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:20,600
and Superman swooshes down
and catches her. Which one was that?

52
00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:21,800
One.

53
00:02:22,900 --> 00:02:25,900
You realize that scene
was rife with scientific inaccuracy.

54
 00:02:26,500 --> 00:02:28,100
Yes, I know, men can't fly.

55
00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:29,800
No.
Let's assume that they can.

56
00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:32,800
Lois Lane is falling,

57
00:02:32,900 --> 00:02:35,600
accelerating at an initial rate
of 32 feet per second per second.

58
00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:38,800
Superman swoops down to save her
by reaching out two arms of steel.

59
00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:40,600
Miss Lane, who is now traveling
 60
00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:42,400
at approximately 120 miles an hour,

61
00:02:42,600 --> 00:02:45,200
hits them and is immediately
sliced into three equal pieces.

62
00:02:47,900 --> 00:02:51,000
Unless Superman matches
her speed and decelerates.

63
00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:54,500
In what space, sir?
She's two feet above the ground.

64
00:02:55,300 --> 00:02:57,800
Frankly, if he really loved her,
he'd let her hit the pavement.
 65
00:02:58,000 --> 00:02:59,400
It'd be a more merciful death.

66
00:03:00,300 --> 00:03:04,300
Excuse me, your entire argument
is predicated on the assumption

67
00:03:04,500 --> 00:03:06,600
that Superman's flight
is a feat of strength.

68
00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:08,900
Are you listening to yourself?
It is well established

69
00:03:09,100 --> 00:03:10,600
that his flight is a feat of strength.

70
00:03:10,700 --> 00:03:13,000
 It is an extension of his
ability to leap tall buildings,

71
00:03:13,100 --> 00:03:15,600
an ability he derives from
exposure to Earth's yellow sun.

72
00:03:15,700 --> 00:03:17,400
And how does he fly at night?

73
00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:19,900
A combination
of the moon's solar reflection

74
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:22,600
and the energy-storage capacity
of Kryptonian skin cells.

75
00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:25,800
I'm just gonna go wash up.
 76
00:03:26,300 --> 00:03:29,300
I have 2,600 comic books in there.
I challenge you

77
00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:31,700
to find a single reference
to Kryptonian skin cells.

78
00:03:31,900 --> 00:03:33,200
Challenge accepted.

79
00:03:37,100 --> 00:03:38,300
We're locked out.

80
00:03:38,900 --> 00:03:40,600
Also, the pretty girl left.

81
00:03:42,900 --> 00:03:45,600
 o/~ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state o/~

82
00:03:45,700 --> 00:03:49,100
o/~ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! o/~

83
00:03:49,300 --> 00:03:50,700
o/~ The Earth began to cool o/~

84
00:03:50,900 --> 00:03:53,600
o/~ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools o/~

85
00:03:53,700 --> 00:03:55,800
o/~ We built the Wall o/~
o/~ We built the pyramid so/~

86
00:03:56,100 --> 00:03:58,300
o/~ Math, Science, History,
 unraveling the mystery o/~

87
00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:00,800
o/~ That all started with a big bang o/~

88
00:04:01,500 --> 00:04:05,500
Season 1 Episode 2:
The Big Bran Hypothesis

1
00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:17,000
Her apartment's on the fourth floor
but the elevator's broken, so...

2
00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:19,500
You're just gonna be done?
Okay. Cool. Thanks

3
00:04:21,100 --> 00:04:22,600
We'll just bring it up ourselves.
 4
00:04:22,900 --> 00:04:24,200
I hardly think so.

5
00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:26,600
Why not?

6
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:28,700
Well, we don't have a dolly,

7
00:04:28,900 --> 00:04:32,300
or lifting belts
or any measurable upper-body strength.

8
00:04:33,500 --> 00:04:35,500
We don't need strength--
we're physicists.

9
00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:38,300
We are the intellectual
 descendants of Archimedes.

10
00:04:38,500 --> 00:04:40,700
Give me a fulcrum and a lever
and I can move the Earth.

11
00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:42,700
It's just a matter of...
I don't have this.

12
00:04:44,700 --> 00:04:46,200
Archimedes would be so proud.

13
00:04:53,300 --> 00:04:54,600
Do you have any ideas?

14
00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:57,900
Yes, but they all involve
a green lantern and a power ring.
 15
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,300
Easy... easy.

16
00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:10,300
Now we've got an inclined plane.
The force required to lift

17
00:05:10,500 --> 00:05:12,500
is reduced by the sine
of the angle of the stairs,

18
00:05:12,700 --> 00:05:14,300
call it 30 degrees, so, about half.

19
00:05:14,900 --> 00:05:16,000
Exactly half.

20
00:05:18,300 --> 00:05:19,300
Exactly half.
 21
00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:22,000
Let's push.

22
00:05:26,300 --> 00:05:27,900
See, it's moving, this is easy.

23
00:05:28,600 --> 00:05:29,800
It's all in the math.

24
00:05:30,900 --> 00:05:33,200
- What's your formula for the corner?
- What?

25
00:05:39,700 --> 00:05:40,800
Okay, no problem.

26
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:42,800
Just come up here,
 help me pull and turn.

27
00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:50,200
Ah, gravity,
thou art a heartless bitch.

28
00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:56,100
You do understand that our efforts here
will in no way increase the odds

29
00:05:56,300 --> 00:05:58,200
of you having sexual congress
with this woman.

30
00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:02,000
Men do things for women
without expecting sex.

31
00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:04,200
Those would be men who just had sex.
 32
00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:07,900
I'm doing this
to be a good neighbor.

33
00:06:08,900 --> 00:06:11,300
In any case, there's no way
it could lower the odds.

34
00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:15,400
Almost there.

35
00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:17,400
Almost there.

36
00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:19,900
- Almost there.
- No, we're not.

37
00:06:20,100 --> 00:06:21,800
- I'm sorry.
- No, we're not!

38
00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:25,100
Watch your fingers.

39
00:06:25,300 --> 00:06:26,800
Oh, God, my fingers!

40
00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:30,900
- You okay?
- No, her...

41
00:06:31,500 --> 00:06:33,800
Great Caesar's ghost,
look at this place.

42
00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:37,600
So Penny's a little messy.
 43
00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:39,400
A little messy?

44
00:06:39,700 --> 00:06:42,600
The Mandelbrot set of complex
numbers is a little messy.

45
00:06:42,700 --> 00:06:43,800
This is chaos.

46
00:06:44,500 --> 00:06:45,500
Excuse me.

47
00:06:46,100 --> 00:06:47,700
Explain to me
an organizational system

48
00:06:47,900 --> 00:06:49,900
 where a tray of flatware
on a couch is valid.

49
00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:52,700
I'm just inferring this is a couch

50
00:06:52,900 --> 00:06:54,700
because the evidence suggests
the coffee table

51
00:06:54,900 --> 00:06:56,300
is having a tiny garage sale.

52
00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:00,000
Did it ever occur to you
that not everyone has

53
00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:02,400
the compulsive need to sort,
organize and label
 54
00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:03,900
the entire world around them?

55
00:07:04,900 --> 00:07:05,900
No.

56
00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:08,400
Well, they don't.

57
00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:10,400
Hard as it may be for you to believe,

58
00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:13,900
most people don't sort their breakfast
cereal numerically by fiber content.

59
00:07:15,500 --> 00:07:18,100
Excuse me, but I think we've both
 found that helpful at times.

60
00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:23,600
- Come on, we should go.
- Hang on.

61
00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:27,600
- What are you doing?
- I'm straightening up.

62
00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:29,900
This is not your home.

63
00:07:30,100 --> 00:07:33,600
This is not anyone's home.
This is a swirling vortex of entropy.

64
00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:38,900
When the transvestite lived here,
you didn't care how he kept the place.
 65
00:07:39,100 --> 00:07:40,600
Because it was immaculate.

66
00:07:40,700 --> 00:07:42,800
I mean, you opened
that man's closet,

67
00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:44,600
it was left to right evening gowns,

68
00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:47,000
cocktail dresses,
then his police uniforms.

69
00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:50,000
What were you doing in his closet?

70
00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:52,300
 I helped him run
some cable for a web cam.

71
00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:56,600
This just arrived,
we just brought this up... just now.

72
00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:59,000
Great.
Was it hard getting it up the stairs?

73
00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:00,500
- No.
- "No"?

74
00:08:00,700 --> 00:08:01,700
No.

75
00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:03,200
No.
 76
00:08:04,300 --> 00:08:05,900
Well, we'll get out of your hair.

77
00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:07,400
Okay, great.
Thank you again.

78
00:08:12,500 --> 00:08:15,200
I just want you to know
that you don't have to live like this.

79
00:08:16,500 --> 00:08:17,500
I'm here for you.

80
00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:21,300
What's he talking about?

81
00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:24,300
 - It's a joke.
- I don't get it.

82
00:08:24,500 --> 00:08:25,900
Yeah, he didn't tell it right.

83
00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:23,700
Penny's sleeping.

84
00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:27,300
Are you insane?

85
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:29,300
You can't just break
into a woman's apartment

86
00:09:29,500 --> 00:09:31,100
in the middle
of the night and clean.
 87
00:09:31,300 --> 00:09:33,700
I had no choice.
I couldn't sleep knowing

88
00:09:33,900 --> 00:09:35,900
that just outside my bedroom
was our living room,

89
00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:38,100
and just outside our living room
was that hallway,

90
00:09:38,300 --> 00:09:41,100
and immediately adjacent
to the hallway was... this.

91
00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:45,200
Do you realize
that if Penny wakes up,
 92
00:09:45,500 --> 00:09:48,100
there is no reasonable explanation
as to why we're here.

93
00:09:48,700 --> 00:09:50,900
I just gave you
a reasonable explanation.

94
00:09:51,900 --> 00:09:54,000
No, no, you gave me
an explanation.

95
00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:57,500
Its reasonableness will be determined
by a jury of your peers.

96
00:09:58,400 --> 00:10:00,800
Don't be ridiculous.
I have no peers.
 97
00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:03,200
We have to get out of here.

98
00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:09,000
You might want to speak
in a lower register.

99
00:10:09,500 --> 00:10:10,500
What?

100
00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:12,900
Evolution has made women sensitive

101
00:10:13,100 --> 00:10:14,800
to high-pitched noises
while they sleep

102
00:10:14,900 --> 00:10:16,900
so that they'll be
 roused by a crying baby.

103
00:10:17,100 --> 00:10:18,600
If you want to avoid waking her,

104
00:10:18,900 --> 00:10:20,500
speak in a lower register.

105
00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:23,800
That's ridiculous!

106
00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:28,000
No.

107
00:10:28,900 --> 00:10:30,400
"That's ridiculous."

108
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:34,800
Fine.
 109
00:10:36,900 --> 00:10:39,600
I accept your premise.
Now, please, let's go.

110
00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:42,000
I'm not leaving until I'm done.

111
00:10:46,500 --> 00:10:49,300
If you have time to lean,
you have time to clean.

112
00:10:53,500 --> 00:10:54,900
Oh, what the hell.

113
00:11:00,900 --> 00:11:01,900
Morning.

114
00:11:02,700 --> 00:11:03,700
 Morning.

115
00:11:04,300 --> 00:11:06,500
I have to say
I slept splendidly.

116
00:11:07,700 --> 00:11:10,300
Granted, not long,
but just deeply and well.

117
00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:12,300
I'm not surprised.

118
00:11:12,500 --> 00:11:14,100
A well-known folk cure for insomnia

119
00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:16,900
is to break in your neighbor's
apartment and clean.
 120
00:11:18,100 --> 00:11:19,100
Sarcasm?

121
00:11:19,900 --> 00:11:20,900
You think?

122
00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:24,200
Granted, my methods may have
been somewhat unorthodox,

123
00:11:24,500 --> 00:11:27,200
but I think the end result
will be a measurable enhancement

124
00:11:27,300 --> 00:11:29,700
- to Penny's quality of life
- You've convinced me.

125
00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:32,500
 Maybe tonight we should sneak in
and shampoo her carpet.

126
00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:35,800
- You don't think that crosses a line?
- Yes.

127
00:11:36,100 --> 00:11:37,400
For God's sake,

128
00:11:37,500 --> 00:11:41,300
do I have to hold up a sarcasm sign
every time I open my mouth?

129
00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:43,400
You have a sarcasm sign?

130
00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:48,400
No, I do not have
a sarcasm sign.
 131
00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:51,600
Do you want some cereal?
I feel so good today,

132
00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:54,000
I'm gonna choose from
the low-fiber end of the shelf.

133
00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:55,600
Hello, Honey Puffs.

134
00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:57,800
Son of a bitch!

135
00:11:59,900 --> 00:12:00,900
Penny's up.

136
00:12:01,900 --> 00:12:04,300
 You sick geeky bastards!

137
00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:07,400
How did she know it was us?

138
00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:11,100
I may have left a suggested
organizational schematic

139
00:12:11,300 --> 00:12:12,600
for her bedroom closet.

140
00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:15,500
God, this is gonna be bad.

141
00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:18,000
Good-bye, Honey Puffs.
Hello, Big Bran.

142
 00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:21,800
You came into my apartment last
night while I was sleeping?!

143
00:12:21,900 --> 00:12:23,200
Yes, but only to clean.

144
00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:26,000
Really more to organize.
You're not actually dirty, per se.

145
00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:28,500
Give me back my key.

146
00:12:30,100 --> 00:12:31,200
I'm very, very sorry.

147
00:12:31,300 --> 00:12:33,300
Do you understand
how creepy this is?
 148
00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:35,600
Oh, yes, we discussed it
at length last night.

149
00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:38,200
In my apartment,
while I was sleeping?!

150
00:12:38,500 --> 00:12:41,500
And snoring. And that's probably
just a sinus infection.

151
00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:43,200
But it could be sleep apnea.

152
00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:45,300
You might want to see
an otolaryngologist.
 153
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:49,200
A throat doctor.

154
00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:53,900
And what kind of doctor
removes shoes from asses?

155
00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:56,300
Depending on the depth,

156
00:12:56,500 --> 00:12:59,200
that's either
a... proctologist

157
00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:00,800
or a general surgeon.

158
00:13:12,100 --> 00:13:13,600
I think what you're feeling
 159
00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:15,700
is perfectly valid
and maybe a little bit later

160
00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:18,900
when you're feeling a little less...
for lack of a better word-- violated,

161
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:20,700
maybe we can talk
about this some more.

162
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:23,100
- Stay away from me.
- Sure, that's another way to go.

163
00:13:24,300 --> 00:13:25,300
Penny, Penny!
 164
00:13:25,700 --> 00:13:27,200
Just to clarify,

165
00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:29,800
because there will be
a discussion when you leave,

166
00:13:31,300 --> 00:13:33,200
is your objection
solely to our presence

167
00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:35,100
in the apartment
while you were sleeping,

168
00:13:35,300 --> 00:13:39,600
or do you also object to the imposition
of a new organizational paradigm.

169
 00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:48,100
Well, that was
a little non-responsive.

170
00:13:48,900 --> 00:13:51,800
You are going to march yourself
over there right now and apologize.

171
00:13:56,900 --> 00:13:57,900
What's funny?

172
00:13:58,300 --> 00:13:59,900
That wasn't sarcasm?

173
00:14:02,700 --> 00:14:05,300
Boy, you are all over
the place this morning.

174
00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:12,100
I have a master's and two Ph.D.s,
 I should not have to do this.

175
00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:14,400
What?!

176
00:14:15,100 --> 00:14:17,300
I am truly sorry for what
happened last night.

177
00:14:17,500 --> 00:14:19,000
I take full responsibility.

178
00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:22,000
And I hope that it won't color
your opinion of Leonard,

179
00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:25,700
who is not only a wonderful guy,
but also, I hear,
 180
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:27,600
a gentle and
thorough lover.

181
00:14:40,300 --> 00:14:41,700
I did what I could.

182
00:14:46,500 --> 00:14:47,500
Hey, Raj.

183
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:54,000
Hey, listen.

184
00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:56,900
I don't know if you heard about
what happened last night.

185
00:14:57,100 --> 00:14:58,500
but I'm really upset about it.
 186
00:14:58,600 --> 00:15:00,800
I mean, they just...
they let themselves into my place

187
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,200
and then they cleaned it.
Can you even believe that?

188
00:15:03,300 --> 00:15:04,500
How weird is that?

189
00:15:05,100 --> 00:15:06,600
<i>She's standing very close to me.</i>

190
00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:09,700
<i>Oh, my, she does smell good.</i>

191
00:15:10,100 --> 00:15:11,900
 <i>What is that, vanilla?</i>

192
00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:14,400
You know,
where I come from,

193
00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:17,500
if someone comes into your house
at night, you shoot. Okay?

194
00:15:17,700 --> 00:15:19,000
And you don't shoot to wound.

195
00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:21,000
I mean, all right,
my sister shot her husband,

196
00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:22,900
but it was an accident,
they were drunk.
 197
00:15:23,900 --> 00:15:25,300
Wait, what was I saying?

198
00:15:25,900 --> 00:15:27,600
<i>She's so chatty.</i>

199
00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:30,200
<i>Maybe my parents are right.</i>

200
00:15:30,500 --> 00:15:32,500
<i>Maybe I'd be better off
with an Indian girl.</i>

201
00:15:32,700 --> 00:15:34,300
<i>We'd have the same
cultural background</i>

202
00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:37,900
 <i>and my wife could sing to my children
the same lullabies my mother sang to me.</i>

203
00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:40,000
It's obvious that they meant well,
but...

204
00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:42,900
I'm having a really rough time.
I broke up with my boyfriend

205
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:44,600
and...

206
00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:52,800
Just because most of the men I've known
in my life happen to be jerks,

207
00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:55,700
doesn't mean I should just
assume Leonard and Sheldon are.

208
00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:57,000
Right?

209
00:15:57,200 --> 00:16:00,000
<i>She asked me a question.
I should probably nod.</i>

210
00:16:02,500 --> 00:16:03,900
That's exactly what I thought.

211
00:16:04,100 --> 00:16:06,300
Thank you for listening.
You're a doll.

212
00:16:08,900 --> 00:16:10,200
Turn your pelvis.

213
00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:26,400
Grab a napkin, homie.
You just got served.

214
00:16:29,700 --> 00:16:31,100
It's fine.You win.

215
00:16:32,900 --> 00:16:34,000
What's his problem?

216
00:16:34,500 --> 00:16:36,700
His imaginary girlfriend
broke up with him.

217
00:16:38,700 --> 00:16:39,700
Been there.

218
00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:44,600
Sorry I'm late,
 219
00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:47,000
but I was in the hallway,
chatting up Penny.

220
00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:51,000
Really? You, Rajesh
Koothrappali, spoke to Penny?

221
00:16:51,500 --> 00:16:54,000
Actually, I was less
the chatter than the chat-ee.

222
00:16:54,900 --> 00:16:56,900
What did she say?
Is she still mad at me?

223
00:16:57,100 --> 00:16:58,500
Well, she was upset at first,

224
00:16:58,700 --> 00:17:01,200
but probably because
her sister shot somebody.

225
00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:05,400
But then there was
something about you,

226
00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:06,900
and then she hugged me.

227
00:17:07,700 --> 00:17:09,900
She hugged you?
How'd she hug you?

228
00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:20,300
Is that her perfume I smell?

229
00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:24,100
Intoxicating, isn't it?
 230
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:42,000
Hi.

231
00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:45,400
What's going on?

232
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:49,100
Here's the thing.

233
00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:58,200
"Just as Oppenheimer came
to regret his contributions

234
00:17:58,300 --> 00:17:59,800
"to the first atomic bomb,

235
00:18:00,100 --> 00:18:02,300
"so too I regret
 my participation in what was,

236
00:18:02,500 --> 00:18:04,500
"at the very least,
an error in judgment.

237
00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:08,200
"The hallmark of the
great human experiment

238
00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:10,400
"is the willingness to
recognize one's mistakes.

239
00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:12,900
"Some mistakes, such as
Madam Curie's discovery of radium,

240
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:14,900
"turned out to have great
 scientific potential,

241
00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:18,300
"even though she would later die a slow,
painful death "from radiation poisoning.

242
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:23,300
Another example, from the
field of Ebola research..."

243
00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:30,400
We're okay.

244
00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:50,600
- Six two inch dowels.
- Check.

245
00:18:51,300 --> 00:18:53,600
- One package Phillips head screws.
- Check.
 246
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,700
You guys, seriously,
I grew up on a farm, okay?

247
00:18:55,900 --> 00:18:58,000
I rebuilt a tractor engine
when I was, like, 12.

248
00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:00,500
I think I can put together a cheap,
Swedish media center.

249
00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:03,600
No, please. We insist.
It's the least we can do, considering.

250
00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:05,100
Considering what?
 251
00:19:05,300 --> 00:19:07,100
How great this place looks?

252
00:19:08,500 --> 00:19:10,600
- Oh, boy. I was afraid of this.
- What?

253
00:19:10,900 --> 00:19:13,500
These instructions are
a pictographic representation

254
00:19:13,700 --> 00:19:16,600
of the least imaginative way
to assemble these components.

255
00:19:16,700 --> 00:19:19,100
This, right here is why Sweden
has no space program.

256
 00:19:20,700 --> 00:19:22,400
Well, it looked
pretty good in the store.

257
00:19:22,700 --> 00:19:25,500
It is an inefficient design.
For example, she has a flat screen TV,

258
00:19:25,700 --> 00:19:27,700
which means all the space
behind it is wasted.

259
00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:30,400
- We could put her stereo back there.
- And control it how?

260
00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:32,000
Run an infrared repeater.

261
00:19:32,100 --> 00:19:34,300
Photo cell here, emitter here,
easy-peasy.

262
00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:37,100
How are you gonna cool it?

263
00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:39,400
- Hey, guys, I got this.
- Hang on, Penny.

264
00:19:39,700 --> 00:19:42,000
How about fans?
Here and here.

265
00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:44,000
Also inefficient,
and might be loud.

266
00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:46,600
How about liquid coolant?
Maybe a little aquarium pump here,

267
00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:48,300
run some quarter-inch PVC...

268
00:19:48,500 --> 00:19:50,300
Guys, this is actually really simple.

269
00:19:51,300 --> 00:19:52,700
Hold on, honey.
Men at work.

270
00:19:55,300 --> 00:19:56,500
The PVC comes down here.

271
00:19:56,700 --> 00:19:58,900
Maybe a little corrugated
sheet metal as a radiator here.

272
 00:19:59,100 --> 00:20:02,300
Yeah? Show me where we put a drip tray,
a sluice, and an overflow reservoir.

273
00:20:02,500 --> 00:20:05,400
If water's involved, we're gonna have
to ground the crap out of the thing.

274
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:08,300
It's hot in here. I think
I'll just take off all my clothes.

275
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:15,000
Oh, I've got it.

276
00:20:16,700 --> 00:20:17,900
What about if we replace

277
00:20:18,100 --> 00:20:21,700
panels A, B and F and crossbar H
 with aircraft-grade aluminum?

278
00:20:21,900 --> 00:20:23,800
Right. Then the entire thing
is one heat sink.

279
00:20:23,900 --> 00:20:25,800
You and Sheldon
go to the junkyard and pick up

280
00:20:25,900 --> 00:20:27,300
6 square meters of scrap aluminum?

281
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:29,300
Raj and I
will get the oxyacetylene torch.

282
00:20:29,500 --> 00:20:31,000
- Meet back here in an hour?
- Done.
 283
00:20:35,300 --> 00:20:37,100
Okay, this place does look pretty good.

9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
<font color="#ffff00" size=14>www.tvsubtitles.net</font>

10000
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:13,000
Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org
The Big Bang Theory - 1x03 - The Fuzzy Boots Corollary.720p
HDTV.YesTV.en

0
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000
Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org

1
00:00:09,687 --> 00:00:12,012
Alright, just a few more feet.

2
00:00:12,168 --> 00:00:14,798
And... here we are, gentlemen,

3
00:00:15,008 --> 00:00:16,786
the Gates of Elzebob.

4
00:00:17,375 --> 00:00:18,473
Good Lord.

5
00:00:18,830 --> 00:00:21,783
Don't panic. This is what the
 last 97 hours have been about.

6
00:00:22,183 --> 00:00:24,375
Stay frosty. There's a horde
of armed goblins

7
00:00:24,540 --> 00:00:27,595
on the other side of that gate
guarding the Sword of Asaroth.

8
00:00:27,942 --> 00:00:30,961
Warriors, unsheathe your weapons.
Magic wielders, raise your wands.

9
00:00:31,307 --> 00:00:32,307
Lock and load.

10
00:00:32,488 --> 00:00:33,938
Raj, blow the gates.
 11
00:00:34,824 --> 00:00:36,080
Blowing the gates.

12
00:00:36,916 --> 00:00:37,916
Control,

13
00:00:38,162 --> 00:00:40,497
shift... B!

14
00:00:43,146 --> 00:00:45,286
Oh, my God, so many goblins!

15
00:00:46,293 --> 00:00:48,112
Don't just stand there,
slash and move!

16
00:00:48,266 --> 00:00:49,307
Stay in formation!
 17
00:00:49,432 --> 00:00:50,906
Leonard, you got one on your tail.

18
00:00:51,177 --> 00:00:53,260
My tail's prehensile--
I'll swat him off.

19
00:00:53,380 --> 00:00:54,554
I got him, Leonard.

20
00:00:54,674 --> 00:00:57,736
Tonight I spice my mead
with goblin blood.

21
00:00:58,389 --> 00:01:00,229
Raj, no, it's a trap!
They're flanking us!

22
00:01:00,484 --> 00:01:01,994
 He's got me!

23
00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:04,592
Sheldon, he's got Raj.
Use your sleep spell!

24
00:01:06,929 --> 00:01:09,727
I've got the Sword of Asaroth!

25
00:01:10,985 --> 00:01:12,533
Forget the sword, help Raj!

26
00:01:12,750 --> 00:01:16,203
There is no more Sheldon.
I am the sword master!

27
00:01:16,574 --> 00:01:19,039
- Leonard, look out!
- Damn it, man, we're dying here!
 28
00:01:19,201 --> 00:01:20,624
Good-bye, peasants!

29
00:01:21,739 --> 00:01:23,085
The bastard teleported!

30
00:01:25,115 --> 00:01:27,265
He's selling the Sword
of Asaroth on eBay.

31
00:01:28,974 --> 00:01:31,286
You betrayed us for money?
Who are you?

32
00:01:31,623 --> 00:01:32,845
I'm a rogue night elf.

33
00:01:32,980 --> 00:01:34,904
Don't you people read
 character descriptions?

34
00:01:35,591 --> 00:01:37,975
Wait, wait!
Somebody just clicked "Buy it now."

35
00:01:38,186 --> 00:01:41,141
I am the sword master!

36
00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:05,100
Season 1 Episode 3:
The Fuzzy Boots Corollary

1
00:02:05,900 --> 00:02:07,200
I'm all sweaty.

2
00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:09,800
Anybody want to log on
to Second Life and go swimming?
 3
00:02:09,900 --> 00:02:11,500
I just built a virtual pool.

4
00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:15,400
No. I can't look at you
or your avatar right now.

5
00:02:19,700 --> 00:02:21,400
Sounds like your neighbor's home.

6
00:02:23,300 --> 00:02:24,300
Excuse me.

7
00:02:24,700 --> 00:02:26,900
Don't forget the mail you took
accidentally on purpose

8
00:02:27,100 --> 00:02:28,400
as an excuse to talk to her.
 9
00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:30,000
Oh, right, right, right.

10
00:02:31,100 --> 00:02:33,700
Stealing snail mail--
very old school. I like it.

11
00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:37,300
Penny,
the mailman, did it again...

12
00:02:38,100 --> 00:02:39,100
Sorry.

13
00:02:39,700 --> 00:02:41,100
Hi, Leonard.
This is Doug.

14
 00:02:41,500 --> 00:02:43,000
Doug, this is my neighbor Leonard.

15
00:02:43,100 --> 00:02:44,200
What's up, bro?

16
00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:47,400
Not much...

17
00:02:49,700 --> 00:02:50,700
bro.

18
00:02:51,900 --> 00:02:53,000
Is everything okay?

19
00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:55,400
Yeah, no, I just...
I got your mail again. Here.

20
00:02:56,100 --> 00:02:58,100
Thank you.
I've got to talk to that mailman.

21
00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:00,500
Oh, no, that's probably not
such a good idea.

22
00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:03,800
Civil servants have
a documented propensity

23
00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:06,200
to, you know, snap, so...

24
00:03:07,500 --> 00:03:09,300
Okay. Well, thank you again.

25
00:03:09,500 --> 00:03:10,500
No problem. Bye.
 26
00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:14,200
Oh, and bye... bro.

27
00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:24,000
Penny for your thoughts.

28
00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:26,700
What's the matter?

29
00:03:27,100 --> 00:03:28,100
I'm fine.

30
00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:31,500
Penny's fine.
The guy she's kissing is really fine.

31
00:03:32,700 --> 00:03:35,700
Kissing, what kind of kissing?
 Cheeks? Lips? Chaste? French?

32
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,400
What is wrong with you?

33
00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:41,900
I'm a romantic.

34
00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:46,600
Don't tell me
that your hopeless infatuation

35
00:03:46,700 --> 00:03:48,300
is devolving into pointless jealousy.

36
00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:51,300
I'm not jealous.
I'm just a little concerned for her.

37
 00:03:51,700 --> 00:03:53,600
I didn't like the look of the guy.

38
00:03:53,700 --> 00:03:55,400
Because he looks better than you?

39
00:03:59,100 --> 00:04:00,700
He was kind of dreamy.

40
00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:03,600
At least now you can
retrieve the black box

41
00:04:03,700 --> 00:04:05,400
from the twisted,
smoldering wreckage

42
00:04:05,500 --> 00:04:07,200
that was once your fantasy of dating her
 43
00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:09,300
and analyze the data
so that you don't crash

44
00:04:09,500 --> 00:04:11,000
into Geek Mountain again.

45
00:04:12,700 --> 00:04:13,700
I disagree.

46
00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:16,600
Love is not a sprint,
it's a marathon--

47
00:04:16,900 --> 00:04:20,800
a relentless pursuit that only ends
when she falls into your arms...

48
00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:23,900
 or hits you with
the pepper spray.

49
00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:26,800
I'm done with Penny.

50
00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:30,200
I'm going to be more realistic
and go after someone my own speed.

51
00:04:30,500 --> 00:04:32,300
- Like who?
- I don't know...

52
00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:33,800
Olivia Geiger.

53
00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:37,200
The dietician at the cafeteria
with the limp and the lazy eye?
 54
00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:41,800
I don't think you have a shot there.

55
00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:46,600
I have noticed that Leslie Winkle
recently started shaving her legs.

56
00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:48,200
Now given that winter is coming,

57
00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:51,000
one can only assume
she's signaling sexual availability.

58
00:04:52,100 --> 00:04:53,900
I don't know.
You guys work in the same lab.

59
 00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:56,600
- So?
- There are pitfalls.

60
00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:58,100
Trust me, I know.

61
00:04:58,300 --> 00:05:01,000
When it comes to
sexual harassment law,

62
00:05:01,500 --> 00:05:03,600
I'm a bit of a self-taught expert.

63
00:05:06,300 --> 00:05:08,400
If I were to ask Leslie Winkle out,

64
00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:11,200
it would just be for dinner.
I'm not going to walk into the lab,
 65
00:05:11,300 --> 00:05:13,400
ask her to strip naked
and dance for me.

66
00:05:13,700 --> 00:05:15,600
Oh, then you're probably okay.

67
00:05:19,700 --> 00:05:21,500
- Hello, Leslie.
- Hi, Leonard.

68
00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:23,300
I'd like to propose an experiment...

69
00:05:23,500 --> 00:05:25,100
- Goggles, Leonard.
- Right.

70
 00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:29,200
I would like to propose an experiment.

71
00:05:29,300 --> 00:05:30,300
Hang on.

72
00:05:30,500 --> 00:05:32,600
I'm trying to see how long it
takes a 500-kilowatt

73
00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:35,200
oxygen iodine laser to heat up
my Cup a' Noodles.

74
00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:40,100
I've done it. About two seconds.
2.6 for minestrone.

75
00:05:46,900 --> 00:05:48,600
Anyway, I was thinking more
 76
00:05:48,700 --> 00:05:51,900
of a bio-social exploration
with a neuro-chemical overlay.

77
00:05:53,900 --> 00:05:55,700
Wait, are you asking me out?

78
00:05:57,200 --> 00:05:59,700
I was going to characterize it
as the modification

79
00:05:59,900 --> 00:06:01,900
of our
colleague-slash-friendship paradigm

80
00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:03,800
with the addition
of a date-like component,
 81
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:06,900
but we don't need to
quibble over terminology.

82
00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:09,800
What sort of experiment?

83
00:06:10,100 --> 00:06:12,600
There's a generally accepted
pattern in this area.

84
00:06:12,700 --> 00:06:14,900
I would pick you up,
take you to a restaurant.

85
00:06:15,100 --> 00:06:17,800
Then we would see a movie,
probably a romantic comedy

86
 00:06:17,900 --> 00:06:20,500
featuring the talents
of Hugh Grant or Sandra Bullock.

87
00:06:21,700 --> 00:06:23,300
Interesting.
And would you agree

88
00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:25,900
that the primary way we would
evaluate either the success

89
00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:27,400
or failure of the date would be

90
00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:30,300
based on the biochemical reaction
during the good night kiss?

91
00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:32,100
 Heart rate,
pheromones, etc. Yes.

92
00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:35,500
Why don't we just stipulate
that the date goes well

93
00:06:35,700 --> 00:06:37,000
and move to the key variable?

94
00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:39,000
- You mean kiss you now?
- Yes.

95
00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:41,200
Can you define the
parameters of the kiss?

96
00:06:41,300 --> 00:06:42,900
Close-mouthed but romantic.
 Mint?

97
00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:44,300
Thank you.

98
00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:52,700
I count down from three?

99
00:06:52,900 --> 00:06:54,900
No, I think it needs
to be spontaneous.

100
00:07:02,700 --> 00:07:04,800
- What do you think?
- You proposed the experiment.

101
00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:07,000
I think you should
present your findings first.
 102
00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:08,600
Fair enough.

103
00:07:09,500 --> 00:07:11,500
On the plus side,
it was a good kiss.

104
00:07:11,700 --> 00:07:13,900
Reasonable technique,
no extraneous spittle.

105
00:07:15,700 --> 00:07:17,600
On the other hand, no arousal.

106
00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:20,300
- None?
- None.

107
00:07:25,300 --> 00:07:27,000
 - Thank you for your time.
- Thank you.

108
00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:33,200
None at all?

109
00:07:37,900 --> 00:07:39,900
Sheldon,
if you were a robot,

110
00:07:40,300 --> 00:07:42,900
and I knew
and you didn't...

111
00:07:45,500 --> 00:07:47,200
...would you want me to tell you?

112
00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:50,000
That depends.
 113
00:07:50,700 --> 00:07:51,600
When

114
00:07:51,900 --> 00:07:53,300
I learn that I'm a robot...

115
00:07:54,300 --> 00:07:56,200
will I be able to handle it?

116
00:07:57,600 --> 00:08:01,100
Maybe-- although the history
of science fiction is not on your side.

117
00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:04,100
Okay,
let me ask you this--

118
00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:06,500
when I learn that I'm a robot,
 119
00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:09,800
would I be bound
by Asimov's Three Laws of Robotics?

120
00:08:11,300 --> 00:08:14,100
You might be bound
by them right now.

121
00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:19,900
That's true.
Have you ever harmed a human being

122
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,300
or through inaction allowed
a human being to come to harm?

123
00:08:22,500 --> 00:08:24,400
- Of course not.
- Have you ever harmed yourself
 124
00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:26,000
or allowed yourself to be harmed

125
00:08:26,100 --> 00:08:28,600
except in cases where a human being
would have been endangered?

126
00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:30,700
- Well, no.
- I smell robot.

127
00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:35,900
Hey, what's going on?

128
00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:38,200
Internet's been down
for half an hour.

129
 00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:42,600
Also, Sheldon may be a robot.

130
00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:46,400
So how'd it go with Leslie?

131
00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:50,600
Oh, we tried kissing,
but the Earth didn't move.

132
00:08:52,100 --> 00:08:55,800
I mean, any more than the 383 miles
that it was going to move anyway.

133
00:08:58,300 --> 00:09:00,200
Oh, I've seen that look before.

134
00:09:00,500 --> 00:09:02,500
This is just going to be
two weeks of moping
 135
00:09:02,700 --> 00:09:04,100
and tedious emo songs

136
00:09:04,300 --> 00:09:07,100
and calling me to come down
to pet stores to look at cats.

137
00:09:09,500 --> 00:09:11,000
I don't know if I can take it.

138
00:09:12,100 --> 00:09:13,600
You could power down.

139
00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:18,900
As usual, Wolowitz has the solution.

140
00:09:20,700 --> 00:09:22,000
I happen to know a place
 141
00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:25,600
where there are plenty of eligible women
and Leonard could have his pick.

142
00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:37,500
Remember the Latin hips.

143
00:09:38,100 --> 00:09:40,700
Shoulders stay still, and...
we sway.

144
00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:47,500
One, two, three...

145
00:09:49,100 --> 00:09:50,500
...five, six, seven.

146
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:54,000
 I think Mrs. Tishman's
got her eye on you.

147
00:09:55,300 --> 00:09:57,100
I've been there.
You're in for a treat.

1
00:10:14,500 --> 00:10:15,500
Oh, good Lord.

2
00:10:26,300 --> 00:10:28,000
God, that's a good song.

3
00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:31,600
If you're compiling a mix CD
for a double suicide.

4
00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:35,600
Oh, I hope
that scratching post is for you.
 5
00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:39,400
I know what you're thinking.
I've taken your asthma into account.

6
00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:41,800
There's a feline geneticist
in San Diego

7
00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:44,700
who's developed the cutest
little hypoallergenic calicos.

8
00:10:44,900 --> 00:10:47,000
- Listen to me...
- I've been thinking about names.

9
00:10:47,100 --> 00:10:49,200
I'm kind of torn between
Einstein, Newton
 10
00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:51,100
and Sergeant Fuzzy Boots.

11
00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:54,200
Do you really think
you can satisfy your need

12
00:10:54,300 --> 00:10:56,400
for a relationship with
a genetically altered cat?

13
00:10:57,500 --> 00:10:58,500
Maybe.

14
00:10:58,700 --> 00:11:00,600
If it's a cute, little, cuddly cat.

15
00:11:01,500 --> 00:11:03,100
 Oh, come on. Leonard...

16
00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:07,400
This is obviously about Penny.

17
00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:11,100
It doesn't matter.

18
00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:14,100
The woman's not interested in me.
The woman rejected me.

19
00:11:15,500 --> 00:11:16,500
Look,

20
00:11:17,500 --> 00:11:19,200
I think that you have
as much of a chance

21
00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:21,200
of having a sexual relationship
with Penny

22
00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:23,300
as the Hubble Telescope
does of discovering

23
00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:24,900
at the center of every black hole

24
00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:27,800
is a little man with a flashlight
searching for a circuit breaker.

25
00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:32,000
Nevertheless,

26
00:11:32,700 --> 00:11:35,300
I do feel obligated
 to point out to you

27
00:11:35,900 --> 00:11:37,800
that she did not reject you.

28
00:11:38,500 --> 00:11:39,900
You did not ask her out.

29
00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:42,700
You're right.

30
00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:45,400
I didn't ask her out.
I should ask her out.

31
00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:47,400
No, no, that was not my point.

32
00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:50,400
My point was don't buy a cat.

33
00:11:51,300 --> 00:11:52,900
No, but you're right.

34
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:55,400
I should march over there
and ask her out.

35
00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:58,400
Oh, goody, we're getting a cat.

36
00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:09,300
Good afternoon, Penny.
So, hi... hey.

37
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:13,900
I was wondering if you
had plans for dinner.
 38
00:12:14,100 --> 00:12:15,400
You mean dinner tonight?

39
00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:18,900
There is an inherent ambiguity
in the word "dinner."

40
00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:20,500
Technically it refers

41
00:12:20,700 --> 00:12:22,900
to the largest meal of the day
whenever it's consumed.

42
00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:25,100
So to clarify here,
by dinner I mean supper.

43
00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:27,200
 - Supper?
- Or dinner.

44
00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:31,200
I was thinking 6:30 if you can go.
Or a different time.

45
00:12:31,500 --> 00:12:32,500
6:30's great.

46
00:12:32,900 --> 00:12:33,900
Really?

47
00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:38,300
- Great.
- I like hanging out with you guys.

48
00:12:38,700 --> 00:12:39,700
Us guys?
 49
00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:42,500
Yeah, you know, Sheldon, Howard, Raj.
Who all's coming?

50
00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:44,800
They...

51
00:12:46,100 --> 00:12:47,500
might all be there.

52
00:12:49,700 --> 00:12:51,700
Or a subset
of them might be there.

53
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:54,500
Algebraically speaking,
there are too many unknowns.

54
00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:56,700
 For example,
Sheldon had Quiznos for lunch.

55
00:12:56,900 --> 00:12:59,300
Sometimes he finds that filling,
other times he doesn't.

56
00:12:59,500 --> 00:13:02,000
It's no fault of Quiznos--
they have a varied menu.

57
00:13:04,300 --> 00:13:06,100
Okay, whatever.
It sounds like fun.

58
00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:07,800
Great.

59
00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:09,900
- Did we say a time?
 - 6:30.

60
00:13:10,100 --> 00:13:11,700
- And that's still good?
- It's fine.

61
00:13:11,900 --> 00:13:14,200
- 'Cause it's not carved in stone.
- No, 6:30's great.

62
00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:16,100
I'll get my chisel.

63
00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:18,800
Why?

64
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:24,300
To... carve the...
I'll see you at 6:30.
 65
00:13:36,100 --> 00:13:37,100
How do I look?

66
00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:44,000
Could you be more specific?

67
00:13:45,900 --> 00:13:47,900
Can you tell I'm perspiring a little?

68
00:13:49,100 --> 00:13:53,400
No. The dark crescent-shaped patterns
under your arms conceal it nicely.

69
00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:57,700
- What time is your date?
- 6:30.

70
00:13:57,800 --> 00:13:59,000
Perfect. That gives you
 71
00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:01,600
two hours and 15 minutes
for that dense molecular cloud

72
00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,300
of Aramis to dissipate.

73
00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:05,600
Is it too much?

74
00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:07,500
Not if you're a rugby team.

75
00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:10,900
If it should ever come up,

76
00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:12,900
you didn't join us
 because you stuffed yourself

77
00:14:13,100 --> 00:14:14,800
with a chicken carbonara sub
at Quiznos.

78
00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:16,400
Why would I join you?

79
00:14:17,500 --> 00:14:18,500
No reason.

80
00:14:21,500 --> 00:14:23,700
You know what,
maybe this isn't such a good idea.

81
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:26,400
No, well, now there's
always the possibility
 82
00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:28,700
that alcohol and poor judgment
on her part

83
00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:31,200
might lead to a nice
romantic evening.

84
00:14:32,900 --> 00:14:35,900
You're right. Alcohol, poor judgment--
it could go well.

85
00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:38,400
There is the other
possibility, that...

86
00:14:38,500 --> 00:14:40,500
this date kicks off
a rather unpleasant 6 months
 87
00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:42,600
of the two of you passing
awkwardly in the hall,

88
00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:45,200
until one of you breaks down and
moves to another zip code.

89
00:14:46,700 --> 00:14:49,100
You could've stopped
at "it could go well."

90
00:14:50,300 --> 00:14:51,900
If I could've, I would've.

91
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:54,300
I mean, I'm a perfectly nice guy.

92
00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:57,800
 There's no reason we couldn't go
and have a lovely dinner,

93
00:14:58,200 --> 00:15:00,200
maybe take a walk afterwards,

94
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,600
talk about things we have in common.

95
00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:05,700
You love pottery?
I love pottery!

96
00:15:06,300 --> 00:15:07,600
There's a pause,

97
00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:09,800
we both know what's happening.
I lean in, we kiss.
 98
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:12,100
It's a little tentative at first,
but then I realize

99
00:15:12,300 --> 00:15:14,400
she's kissing me back.
She's biting my lower lip!

100
00:15:14,500 --> 00:15:16,400
She wants me!
This thing is going the distance!

101
00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:19,000
We're going to have sex!
Oh, God, oh, my God!

102
00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:23,100
Is the sex starting now?

103
 00:15:24,700 --> 00:15:26,100
I'm having a panic attack.

104
00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:29,000
Well then... calm down.

105
00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:31,500
If I could,
I wouldn't be having a panic...

106
00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:33,400
That's why they call it a panic attack.

107
00:15:34,300 --> 00:15:35,700
Sit down.

108
00:15:36,100 --> 00:15:38,100
Yeah, sit down. Now close your eyes.

109
 00:15:38,300 --> 00:15:39,600
- Why?
- Just do it.

110
00:15:40,100 --> 00:15:43,000
Now try to increase
your alpha wave activity.

111
00:15:43,500 --> 00:15:46,100
- What?!
- It's a biofeedback technique.

112
00:15:46,300 --> 00:15:48,300
It's relaxation through
brain wave manipulation.

113
00:15:48,500 --> 00:15:50,900
I read a paper about it
in Journal of American Neuroscience.

114
 00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:54,000
It was a little sparsely sourced,
but I think the basic science is valid.

115
00:15:54,100 --> 00:15:55,600
I probably have it here somewhere.

116
00:15:56,500 --> 00:15:58,400
Who am I kidding?
I can't go through with this.

117
00:15:58,500 --> 00:16:00,000
You need to call her and cancel.

118
00:16:00,100 --> 00:16:01,200
- Me?
- Yes.

119
00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:03,800
- What should I tell her?
 - I don't know. Tell her I'm sick.

120
00:16:04,900 --> 00:16:07,400
Not an illness that will make her
want to take care of me,

121
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:09,800
but nothing so critical
that she'll feel uncomfortable

122
00:16:09,900 --> 00:16:12,000
going out with me
if I want to try this again.

123
00:16:12,100 --> 00:16:14,600
Got it.
So I'm assuming nothing venereal?

124
00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:21,700
I'll just tell her
that you had a routine colonoscopy

125
00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:23,200
and haven't quite bounced back.

126
00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:26,500
- Give me the phone.
- I thought you wanted to cancel.

127
00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:29,300
I can't, because if I don't show up
she'll still be expecting you.

128
00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:31,800
Why would she be expecting me?

129
00:16:33,100 --> 00:16:34,800
Stop asking me all these questions.

130
 00:16:34,900 --> 00:16:36,800
I need to take another shower.

131
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,000
So are the rest of the guys
meeting us here?

132
00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:43,600
Oh, yeah... no.

133
00:16:45,100 --> 00:16:48,300
It turns out that Raj
and Howard had to work, and Sheldon...

134
00:16:48,900 --> 00:16:52,000
had a colonoscopy and he hasn't
quite bounced back yet.

135
00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:55,900
My uncle just had a colonoscopy.
 136
00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:57,200
You're kidding.

137
00:16:57,400 --> 00:16:59,700
Then that's something
we have in common.

138
00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:01,800
How?

139
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:05,200
We both have people
in our lives who...

140
00:17:05,500 --> 00:17:08,500
want to nip intestinal polyps
in the bud.

141
 00:17:14,900 --> 00:17:16,900
So what's new in
the world of physics?

142
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:19,200
Nothing.

143
00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:22,000
Really? Nothing?

144
00:17:22,300 --> 00:17:25,000
Well, with the exception
of string theory,

145
00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:27,700
not much has happened
since the 1930s.

146
00:17:27,900 --> 00:17:29,500
And you can't prove string theory.
 147
00:17:29,700 --> 00:17:30,900
At best you can say,

148
00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:34,700
"Hey, look, my idea
has an internal logical consistency."

149
00:17:37,900 --> 00:17:39,900
Well, I'm sure things will pick up.

150
00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:46,000
What's new at the Cheesecake Factory?

151
00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:48,800
Not much.

152
00:17:49,100 --> 00:17:52,200
We do have a chocolate key lime
 that's moving pretty well.

153
00:17:53,700 --> 00:17:54,700
Good.

154
00:17:55,500 --> 00:17:56,500
Good.

155
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:01,500
What about your...

156
00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:03,800
hallway friend?

157
00:18:04,300 --> 00:18:06,600
Doug?
Oh, yeah, I don't know.

158
00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:08,900
 I mean, you know,
he's nice and funny, but...

159
00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:10,900
Can I get you started with some drinks?

160
00:18:12,500 --> 00:18:14,400
- You were saying? But...
- I'd like a drink.

161
00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:17,900
Just say the "but" thing about Doug
and then I'll get her back.

162
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:21,400
I don't know, it's just me.

163
00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:23,800
I'm still getting over
this breakup with Kurt
 164
00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:26,500
and this thing with Doug
would just be rebound sex.

165
00:18:28,100 --> 00:18:30,300
Don't get me started
on rebound sex.

166
00:18:31,900 --> 00:18:33,500
It's just... it's my pattern.

167
00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:35,900
I break up,
then I find some cute guy,

168
00:18:36,100 --> 00:18:39,100
and then it's just 36
meaningless hours of...
 169
00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:40,900
you know.

170
00:18:43,100 --> 00:18:44,300
I'm not sure that I do.

171
00:18:46,100 --> 00:18:49,100
Is that one 36-hour experience,

172
00:18:49,300 --> 00:18:51,600
or is that 36 hours
spread out over, say...

173
00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:53,700
one glorious summer?

174
00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:55,900
No, it's usually over a weekend,
 175
00:18:56,100 --> 00:18:58,600
and trust me, you do not feel
good after it.

176
00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:01,000
Well, chafing, right?

177
00:19:02,700 --> 00:19:03,700
Emotionally.

178
00:19:03,900 --> 00:19:06,000
Of course, yeah,
emotional chafing.

179
00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:15,300
Do you want to see something cool?

180
00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:19,800
I can make this olive
 go into this glass

181
00:19:20,100 --> 00:19:21,400
without touching it.

182
00:19:22,100 --> 00:19:23,900
- How?
- Physics.

183
00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:31,800
Centrifugal force.

184
00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:34,300
Actually, it's centripetal force,

185
00:19:34,500 --> 00:19:36,900
which is an inward force
generated by the glass

186
00:19:37,100 --> 00:19:38,600
acting on the olive...

187
00:19:39,900 --> 00:19:41,000
Excuse me.

188
00:19:41,300 --> 00:19:44,100
If you were riding
on the olive,

189
00:19:44,500 --> 00:19:46,500
you'd be in a non-inertial
reference frame

190
00:19:46,700 --> 00:19:47,900
and would...

191
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:51,500
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm okay.
 192
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:54,800
Did you spill ketchup?

193
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:56,400
- No.
- I'm not okay.

1
00:20:01,500 --> 00:20:03,600
You sure you don't want to go
to the emergency room?

2
00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:05,800
No, I'm okay.
It stopped bleeding.

3
00:20:06,300 --> 00:20:09,400
I know, but you did throw up.
Isn't that a sign of a concussion?
 4
00:20:09,500 --> 00:20:11,600
Yes.
But I get car sick, too, so...

5
00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:15,800
Sorry about
your car, by the way.

6
00:20:16,700 --> 00:20:19,100
It's fine.
You got most of it out the window.

7
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:21,800
The poor guy on the bike.

8
00:20:24,900 --> 00:20:26,100
I had a nice time.

9
00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:27,700
 Yeah, me, too.

10
00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:30,200
Well, um, good night.

11
00:20:31,100 --> 00:20:32,100
Good night.

12
00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:37,800
Was this supposed to be a date?

13
00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:39,900
This?

14
00:20:41,100 --> 00:20:42,100
No.

15
00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:46,800
Of course not.
 This was just you and me

16
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:49,100
hanging out with a bunch of guys
who didn't show up

17
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:51,400
'cause of work and a colonoscopy.

18
00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:54,700
Okay, I was just checking.

19
00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:58,000
When I take a girl on a date--

20
00:20:58,300 --> 00:20:59,300
and I do--

21
00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:03,500
 she knows she's been dated.

22
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:06,500
Capital D.

23
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:11,100
Boldface. Underlined.
Da...ted.

24
00:21:13,300 --> 00:21:15,000
I think I might have
a little concussion.

25
00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:17,600
I'm gonna go lie down for a while.
Good night.

26
00:21:21,500 --> 00:21:23,100
So, how was your date?
 27
00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:24,800
Awesome!

28
00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:31,500
Score 1 for liquor and poor jugement.

9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
<font color="#ffff00" size=14>www.tvsubtitles.net</font>

10000
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:13,000
Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org
The Big Bang Theory - 1x04 - The Luminous Fish Effect

0
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000
Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org

1
00:00:00,900 --> 00:00:03,500
You know, I've been thinking
about timetravel again.

2
00:00:03,700 --> 00:00:06,300
Why? Did you hit a roadblock
with invisibility?

3
00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:09,100
Put it on a backburner.

4
00:00:10,100 --> 00:00:11,500
Anyway.
It occurs to me,
 5
00:00:11,700 --> 00:00:13,400
If I have ever did
perfect time machine,

6
00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:15,600
I'd just go into the past
and give it to myself.

7
00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:19,100
That's eliminating the need for me
to invent it in the first place.

8
00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:21,000
Interesting.

9
00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:23,400
Yeah, it really kicks the pressure off.

10
00:00:24,300 --> 00:00:25,600
Sounds like a breakthrough.

11
00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:28,100
Should I call Science Magazine
and tell them to hold the cover?

12
00:00:28,600 --> 00:00:30,600
It's time travel,
I will have already done that.

13
00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:34,500
Then I guess congratulations
are in order.

14
00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:37,600
No, congratulations will
have been in order.

15
00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:41,000
 You know, I am not going
to enjoy this party.

16
00:00:41,100 --> 00:00:42,900
I know,
I'm familiar with you.

17
00:00:43,500 --> 00:00:46,200
The last department party,
Professor Finkleday cornered me

18
00:00:46,300 --> 00:00:48,600
and talked about
spelunking for 45 minutes.

19
00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:49,900
Yes, I was there.

20
00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:51,900
You know what's interesting
 about caves?

21
00:00:52,100 --> 00:00:53,400
- What?
- Nothing.

22
00:00:55,500 --> 00:00:57,900
Then we'll avoid him,
we'll meet the new department head,

23
00:00:58,000 --> 00:00:59,700
congratulate him,
shake his hand and go.

24
00:00:59,900 --> 00:01:02,600
How's this?
"Pleased to meet you, Dr. Gablehauser.

25
00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:04,600
"How fortunate for you
 that the university's

26
00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:06,400
"chosen to hire you,
despite the fact

27
00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:08,700
"that you've done no original
research in 25 years,

28
00:01:08,900 --> 00:01:10,900
"and instead have written
a series of popular books

29
00:01:11,100 --> 00:01:12,800
"that reduce
the great concepts of science

30
00:01:12,900 --> 00:01:14,200
"to a series of anecdotes,
 31
00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:16,600
"each one dumbed down
to accommodate the duration

32
00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:18,600
"of an average bowel movement.

33
00:01:20,100 --> 00:01:21,100
Mahalo."

34
00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:26,800
"Mahalo's" a nice touch.

35
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:30,300
You know there only eight consonants
in Hawaiian language?

36
00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:32,500
 Interesting.
You should lead with that.

37
00:01:35,100 --> 00:01:37,100
Oh, God, look at this buffet.

38
00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:39,100
I love America.

39
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,000
You don't have buffets in India?

40
00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:43,500
Of course,
but it's all Indian food.

41
00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:46,900
You can't find a bagel
in Mumbai to save your life.
 42
00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:48,200
Shmear me.

43
00:01:50,600 --> 00:01:53,400
- Here's an interesting turn of events.
- What?

44
00:01:55,900 --> 00:01:57,100
Howard brought a date?

45
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:58,700
A more plausible explanation is that

46
00:01:58,900 --> 00:02:00,300
his work in robotics has made

47
00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:01,900
an amazing leap forward.
 48
00:02:02,900 --> 00:02:04,900
Hey, what up,
science bitches?

49
00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:08,300
May I introduce my

50
00:02:08,500 --> 00:02:10,000
special lady friend Summer?

51
00:02:10,300 --> 00:02:12,900
- I told you touching's extra.
- Right. Sorry.

52
00:02:14,700 --> 00:02:17,200
Here comes our new boss.
Be polite.

53
00:02:17,500 --> 00:02:19,900
 Hi, fellas.
Eric Gablehauser.

54
00:02:20,100 --> 00:02:21,200
Howard Wolowitz.

55
00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:23,600
Nice to meet you.
And you are?

56
00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:26,500
An actualrealscientist.

57
00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:31,200
How was that?

58
00:02:33,100 --> 00:02:35,000
I can't believe he fired me.

59
 00:02:35,900 --> 00:02:38,500
Well, you did call him
a glorified high school science teacher

60
00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:41,800
whose last successful experiment
was lighting his own farts.

61
00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:44,400
In my defense,

62
00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:47,000
I prefaced that by saying,
"With all due respect."

63
00:03:08,300 --> 00:03:10,700
Season 1 Episode 4:
The Luminous Fish Effect

64
00:03:13,700 --> 00:03:14,700
 Morning.

65
00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:16,000
Morning.

66
00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:18,400
You're making eggs for breakfast?

67
00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:21,100
This isn't breakfast,
it's an experiment.

68
00:03:23,300 --> 00:03:25,000
'Cause it looks a lot like breakfast.

69
00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:27,600
I finally have time
to test my hypothesis

70
00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:29,600
about the separation
of the water molecules

71
00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:32,700
from the egg proteins and its
impact vis-a-vis taste.

72
00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:35,400
Sounds yummy.

73
00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:38,600
I look forward
to your work with bacon.

74
00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:40,000
As do I.

75
00:03:41,900 --> 00:03:43,800
You know, I'm sure
 if you just apologize

76
00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:46,000
to Gablehauser,
he would give you your job back.

77
00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:47,400
I don't want my job back.

78
00:03:47,900 --> 00:03:49,700
I've spent the past
three and a half years

79
00:03:49,900 --> 00:03:51,700
staring at grease boards
full of equations.

80
00:03:51,900 --> 00:03:54,300
Before that, I spent four years
working on my thesis.
 81
00:03:54,500 --> 00:03:55,900
Before that, I was in college,

82
00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:58,000
and before that,
I was in the fifth grade.

83
00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:03,000
This is my first day off in decades
and I'm going to savor it.

84
00:04:05,500 --> 00:04:07,500
I'll let you get back
to fixing your eggs.

85
00:04:07,700 --> 00:04:10,300
Not just fixing my eggs,
I'm fixing everyone's eggs.
 86
00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:12,700
And we all thank you.

87
00:04:44,300 --> 00:04:46,100
Use new eggs.

88
00:04:50,700 --> 00:04:52,700
I'm running out to the market.
You need anything?

89
00:04:53,900 --> 00:04:55,600
This would be
one of those circumstances

90
00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:59,200
that people unfamiliar with the law of
large numbers would call a coincidence.

91
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,300
 - I'm sorry?
- I need eggs.

92
00:05:01,500 --> 00:05:02,900
Four dozen should suffice.

93
00:05:03,100 --> 00:05:04,300
- Four dozen?
- Yes,

94
00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:06,200
and evenly distributed
amongst brown, white,

95
00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:08,800
free-range, large,
extra large and jumbo.

96
00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:10,700
Okay, one more time.
 97
00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:12,800
Never mind.
You won't get it right.

98
00:05:13,300 --> 00:05:14,900
I'd better come with you.

99
00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:23,900
How come you didn't
go into work today?

100
00:05:24,100 --> 00:05:25,400
I'm taking a sabbatical

101
00:05:25,500 --> 00:05:28,000
because I won't kowtow
to mediocre minds.

102
 00:05:28,700 --> 00:05:30,300
So you got canned, huh?

103
00:05:30,900 --> 00:05:33,400
Theoretical physicists
do not get canned...

104
00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:35,400
but yeah.

105
00:05:36,900 --> 00:05:38,200
Maybe it's all for the best.

106
00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:41,000
I always say when one door closes,
another one opens.

107
00:05:41,700 --> 00:05:43,000
No, it doesn't.
 108
00:05:43,900 --> 00:05:46,200
Not unless the two doors
are connected by relays

109
00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:48,800
- or there are motion sensors involved.
- No, I meant...

110
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:51,400
Or if the first door closing
creates a change of air pressure

111
00:05:51,500 --> 00:05:53,000
that acts upon the second door.

112
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:55,000
Never mind.

113
00:05:56,700 --> 00:05:58,300
 Slow down.

114
00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:00,800
- Please, slow down!
- We're fine!

115
00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:03,200
You're not leaving yourself
enough space between cars.

116
00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:06,100
- Oh, sure, I am.
- No, let me do the math for you.

117
00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:08,700
This car weighs,
let's say 4,000 pounds.

118
00:06:08,900 --> 00:06:10,800
Now add 140 for me,
 120 for you...

119
00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:12,300
120?

120
00:06:12,700 --> 00:06:14,200
I'm sorry. Did I insult you?

121
00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:16,900
Is your body mass
somehow tied into your self-worth?

122
00:06:17,700 --> 00:06:18,800
Well, yeah.

123
00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:20,600
Interesting.

124
00:06:20,700 --> 00:06:22,600
 Anyway, that gives us
a total weight of,

125
00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:24,300
let's say 4,400 pounds.

126
00:06:24,500 --> 00:06:25,800
Let's say 4,390.

127
00:06:26,700 --> 00:06:29,500
Fine. We're traveling forward at--

128
00:06:29,700 --> 00:06:31,400
good Lord-- 51 miles an hour.

129
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:33,400
Let's assume that your brakes

130
00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:35,200
 are new
and the calipers are aligned.

131
00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:37,000
Still, by the time we come
to a stop,

132
00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:39,700
we'll be occupying the same space
as that Buick in front of us,

133
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:42,300
an impossibility that
nature will quickly resolve

134
00:06:42,500 --> 00:06:43,800
into death, mutilation...

135
00:06:43,900 --> 00:06:46,200
Oh, look, they built
 a new putt-putt course.

136
00:06:49,900 --> 00:06:51,100
This is great.

137
00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:52,600
Look at me.

138
00:06:52,700 --> 00:06:54,600
I'm in the real world
of ordinary people

139
00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:58,100
just living their ordinary,
colorless workaday lives.

140
00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:00,200
Thank you.

141
 00:07:00,300 --> 00:07:01,400
No, thankyou.

142
00:07:02,300 --> 00:07:04,200
And thank you, ordinary person.

143
00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:08,800
You want to hear
an interesting thing about tomatoes?

144
00:07:09,100 --> 00:07:10,200
No, not really.

145
00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:13,100
Listen, didn't you say
you need some eggs?

146
00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:16,600
Yes, but anyone who knows anything
about the dynamics of bacterial growth
 147
00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:19,800
knows to pick up their refrigerated food
on the way out of the supermarket.

148
00:07:20,500 --> 00:07:22,800
Okay, then maybe you should start
heading on out then.

149
00:07:24,100 --> 00:07:25,700
No, this is fun.

150
00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:29,000
Oh, the thing about tomatoes--
and I think you'll really enjoy this--

151
00:07:29,300 --> 00:07:32,700
is they're shelved with the vegetables,
but they're technically a fruit.
 152
00:07:32,900 --> 00:07:34,200
- Interesting.
- Isn't it?

153
00:07:34,300 --> 00:07:36,500
No, I mean
what you find enjoyable.

154
00:07:41,100 --> 00:07:42,100
Oh, boy.

155
00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:45,000
What now?

156
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:48,400
Well, there's some value
to taking a multivitamin,

157
00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:50,700
 but the human body
can only absorb so much.

158
00:07:50,900 --> 00:07:52,100
What you're buying here

159
00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:55,000
are the ingredients
for very expensive urine.

160
00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:59,200
Well, maybe that's what
I was going for.

161
00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:01,400
Then you'll want some manganese.

162
00:08:08,300 --> 00:08:09,700
That was fun.
 163
00:08:09,900 --> 00:08:12,400
Maybe tomorrow we can go
to one of those big warehouse stores.

164
00:08:12,500 --> 00:08:13,700
Oh, I don't know.

165
00:08:13,900 --> 00:08:17,600
It's going to take me a while to recover
from all the fun I had today.

166
00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:19,600
Are you sure?

167
00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:21,700
There are a lot of advantages
to buying in bulk.

168
00:08:21,900 --> 00:08:24,400
 For example, I noticed
that you purchase your tampons

169
00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:26,000
one-month supply at a time.

170
00:08:28,700 --> 00:08:29,700
What?

171
00:08:30,300 --> 00:08:32,300
Think about it.
It's a product that doesn't spoil

172
00:08:32,500 --> 00:08:35,800
and you're going to be needing them
for at least the next 30 years.

173
00:08:36,500 --> 00:08:39,100
You want me to buy 30 years
worth of tampons?
 174
00:08:39,900 --> 00:08:42,500
Well, 30, 35.
When did your mother go into menopause?

175
00:08:44,500 --> 00:08:46,100
I'm not talking
about this with you.

176
00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:49,000
This is a natural human process,

177
00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:51,600
and we're talking about
statistically significant savings.

178
00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:55,500
Now, if you assume 15 tampons
per cycle and a 28-day cycle...
 179
00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:57,100
Are you fairly regular?

180
00:09:02,300 --> 00:09:03,600
Okay, no warehouse store,

181
00:09:03,700 --> 00:09:05,800
but we're still on
for putt-putt golf, right?

182
00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:14,700
Hey, I just ran into Penny.
She seemed upset about something.

183
00:09:15,100 --> 00:09:17,200
I think it's her time of the month.

184
00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:22,000
I marked the calendar
 for future reference.

185
00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:26,900
What's with the fish?

186
00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:29,400
It's an experiment.

187
00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:32,700
What happened
to your scrambled egg research?

188
00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:34,100
Oh, that was a dead end.

189
00:09:34,300 --> 00:09:37,100
Scrambled eggs are as good
as they're ever going to be.

190
 00:09:37,700 --> 00:09:39,800
So... fish?

191
00:09:41,500 --> 00:09:43,500
I read an article
about Japanese scientists

192
00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:46,300
who inserted DNA from luminous
jellyfish into other animals,

193
00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:49,600
and I thought,
"Hey, fish nightlights."

194
00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:54,500
Fish nightlights?

195
00:09:54,900 --> 00:09:56,500
It's a billion-dollar idea.
 196
00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:00,000
Mum's the word.

197
00:10:01,700 --> 00:10:03,200
Are you sure you don't want

198
00:10:03,300 --> 00:10:05,800
to just apologize to Gablehauser
and get your job back?

199
00:10:06,900 --> 00:10:08,300
No, I have too much to do.

200
00:10:09,700 --> 00:10:10,900
Like luminous fish.

201
00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:13,300
I'm sorry.
 I didn't...

202
00:10:15,300 --> 00:10:16,500
That's just the beginning.

203
00:10:16,900 --> 00:10:18,100
I also have an idea

204
00:10:18,300 --> 00:10:20,900
for a bulk mail-order
feminine hygiene company.

205
00:10:21,100 --> 00:10:23,100
Oh, glow-in-the-dark tampons!

206
00:10:26,500 --> 00:10:28,300
Leonard, we're gonna be rich.

207
00:10:32,400 --> 00:10:34,300
 Thanks for coming
on such short notice.

208
00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:37,100
- You did the right thing calling.
- I didn't know what else to do.

209
00:10:37,300 --> 00:10:40,400
He's lost all focus.
Every day he's got a new obsession.

210
00:10:47,300 --> 00:10:49,800
This is a particularly disturbing one.

211
00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:53,800
Mommy?

212
00:10:54,900 --> 00:10:56,600
Hi, baby!
 1
00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:08,400
Oh, you got yourself a loom?
How nice!

2
00:11:09,100 --> 00:11:10,100
Thank you.

3
00:11:10,300 --> 00:11:12,000
Honey, why'd you get a loom?

4
00:11:13,500 --> 00:11:16,200
I was working with luminous fish,
and I thought...

5
00:11:18,700 --> 00:11:19,700
"loom."

6
00:11:22,300 --> 00:11:24,300
Mom, what are you doing here?
 7
00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:25,800
Leonard called me.

8
00:11:26,300 --> 00:11:27,900
I know, but why?

9
00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:30,700
Because one of the great minds
of the 21st century

10
00:11:30,900 --> 00:11:34,100
is raising glow-in-the-dark fish
and weaving serapes.

11
00:11:35,100 --> 00:11:37,400
This is not a serape,
this is a poncho.

12
00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:39,700
A serape is open at the sides;
a poncho is closed.

13
00:11:39,900 --> 00:11:40,900
This is a poncho.

14
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:43,700
And neither is a reason
to call someone'smother.

15
00:11:45,500 --> 00:11:47,700
Really? When was the last time
you left the house?

16
00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:50,000
I went to the market with Penny.

17
00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:51,700
That was three weeks ago.
 18
00:11:52,100 --> 00:11:54,500
Well, then buckle up.
In the next four to eight days

19
00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:56,500
she's going to get very crabby.

20
00:11:59,100 --> 00:12:01,900
Sweetheart, your little friend
is concerned about you.

21
00:12:02,100 --> 00:12:04,400
Yes, well, I'm not a child--
I'm a grown man,

22
00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:06,500
capable of living my life as I see fit.

23
 00:12:06,700 --> 00:12:09,700
And I certainly don't need someone
telling on me to my mother!

24
00:12:11,100 --> 00:12:12,400
Wait, where are you going?

25
00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:14,900
To my room.
And no one's allowed in!

26
00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:19,100
He gets his temper
from his daddy.

27
00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:21,300
He's got my eyes.

28
00:12:21,500 --> 00:12:22,600
I see.
 29
00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:25,600
All that science stuff,
that comes from Jesus.

30
00:12:29,500 --> 00:12:32,100
- Sheldon, your mom made dinner.
- I'm not hungry!

31
00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:35,200
Don't trouble yourself.
He's stubborn.

32
00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:37,300
He may stay in there till the Rapture.

33
00:12:39,100 --> 00:12:40,900
We so sure that's abadthing?

34
00:12:41,500 --> 00:12:43,100
I tell you,
I love the boy to death,

35
00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:46,600
but he has been difficult since
he fell out of me at the K-Mart.

36
00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:50,700
Excuse me for being so bold,

37
00:12:50,800 --> 00:12:54,300
but I now see where Sheldon
gets his smoldering good looks.

38
00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:58,500
Honey, that ain't gonna work,
but you keep tryin'.

39
00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:01,200
 I made chicken.

40
00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:05,900
I hope that isn't one of the animals
that you people think is magic.

41
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:14,500
You know, we have an Indian
gentleman at our church,

42
00:13:14,700 --> 00:13:17,000
a Dr. Patel--
It's a beautiful story.

43
00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:21,700
The Lord spoke to him and moved him
to give us all 20% off on Lasik--

44
00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:23,400
You know, those that needed it.
 45
00:13:24,300 --> 00:13:25,700
That is a lovely story.

46
00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:27,900
Are we gonna do anything about Sheldon?

47
00:13:28,100 --> 00:13:30,500
Oh, we will.
You have to take your time with Sheldon.

48
00:13:30,900 --> 00:13:33,200
His father, God rest his soul,
used to always say to me,

49
00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:36,100
"Mary, you have to take
your time with Sheldon."

50
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:40,200
- Sounds like a wise man.
- Oh, not so wise.

51
00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:43,000
He once tried to fight a bobcat
for some licorice.

52
00:13:44,300 --> 00:13:46,300
So, everybody
grab a plate

53
00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:49,200
and a pretty place mat
that Shelly wove.

54
00:13:49,900 --> 00:13:52,000
Has Shelly ever freaked out
like this before?

55
 00:13:52,100 --> 00:13:53,400
Oh, all the time.

56
00:13:53,700 --> 00:13:55,900
I remember one summer
when he was 13,

57
00:13:56,100 --> 00:13:58,700
he built a small nuclear
reactor in the shed

58
00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:02,600
and told everybody he was gonna provide
free electricity for the whole town.

59
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:04,100
Well, the only problem was,

60
00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:06,700
he had no what you call
 "fissionable" materials.

61
00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:10,700
Anyway, when he went on the Internets
to get some,

62
00:14:10,900 --> 00:14:14,400
a man from the government
came by and sat him down

63
00:14:14,700 --> 00:14:17,100
real gentle, and told him
it's against the law

64
00:14:17,300 --> 00:14:19,100
to have yellow-cake uranium
in a shed.

65
00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:22,900
- What happened?
 - Well, poor boy had a fit.

66
00:14:23,100 --> 00:14:26,000
Locked himself in his room
and built a sonic death ray.

67
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:28,200
A death ray?

68
00:14:28,500 --> 00:14:31,600
That's what he called it.
Didn't even slow down the neighbor kids.

69
00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:35,100
It pissed our dog off to no end.

70
00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:39,500
You know, you two
make a cute couple.
 71
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:43,200
No. We're not...
we're not-not a couple.

72
00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:44,600
We're singles. Two singles.

73
00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:48,100
Like those... individuly wrapped
slices of cheese that...

74
00:14:50,500 --> 00:14:51,700
We're friends.

75
00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:55,400
- Did I pluck a nerve there?
- Oh, yeah.

76
00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:57,700
 All right, everybody,
it's time to eat.

77
00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:01,500
Oh, Lord,
we thank You for this meal

78
00:15:01,700 --> 00:15:03,300
and all of Your bounty.

79
00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:05,800
And we pray that You help Sheldon

80
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:07,600
get back on his rocker.

81
00:15:08,700 --> 00:15:11,000
Now, after a moment
of silent meditation,
 82
00:15:11,100 --> 00:15:13,200
I'm gonna end with
"In Jesus' name,"

83
00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:15,600
but you two don't feel
any obligation to join in.

84
00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:19,800
Unless, of course,
the Holy Spirit moves you.

85
00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:32,400
Oh, my God, this is the
best cobbler I've ever had.

86
00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:34,200
It was always Sheldon's favorite.

87
00:15:34,300 --> 00:15:36,300
You know what
the secret ingredient is?

88
00:15:36,700 --> 00:15:38,100
- Love?
- Lard.

89
00:15:43,500 --> 00:15:44,800
Hey, look who's come...

90
00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:46,500
You'll spook him.

91
00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:51,400
He's like a baby deer.
You got to let him come to you.

92
00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:02,900
This is ridiculous.
 Damn it, Sheldon, snap out of it!

93
00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:04,300
You're a physicist--

94
00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:07,200
You belong at the university
doing research, not hiding in your room!

95
00:16:14,900 --> 00:16:16,100
You don't hunt, do you?

96
00:16:22,900 --> 00:16:24,800
Good morning, snickerdoodle.

97
00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:27,300
Morning.

98
00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:30,000
 Well, that looks awful fancy.
What is that?

99
00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:33,700
It's my idea
of what DNA would look like

100
00:16:33,900 --> 00:16:35,600
in a silicon-based life-form.

101
00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:41,000
But intelligently designed
by a creator, right?

102
00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:44,800
What do you want, Mom?

103
00:16:45,300 --> 00:16:49,200
You know how your daddy used to say
that you can only fish for so long
 104
00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:52,000
before you got to throw a
stick of dynamite in the water?

105
00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:55,300
Well, I'm done fishing.

106
00:16:57,200 --> 00:16:58,200
You put those on.

107
00:16:58,400 --> 00:16:59,900
- What for?
- Because you're gonna

108
00:17:00,100 --> 00:17:02,100
go down to your office,
you're gonna apologize

109
 00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:03,800
to your boss
and get your job back.

110
00:17:04,300 --> 00:17:05,400
No.
I'm sorry,

111
00:17:05,500 --> 00:17:07,400
did I start that sentence
with the words,

112
00:17:07,500 --> 00:17:09,300
"If it please Your Highness"?

113
00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:14,300
I'm not going to apologize--
I didn't say anything that wasn't true.

114
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:15,800
 Now, you listen here.

115
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:18,500
I have been telling you
since you were four years old,

116
00:17:18,700 --> 00:17:20,600
it's okay to be smarter
than everybody,

117
00:17:20,700 --> 00:17:22,400
but you can't go around
pointing it out.

118
00:17:22,700 --> 00:17:25,300
- Why not?
- Because people don't like it!

119
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:29,600
Remember all the ass-kickings
you got from the neighbor kids?

120
00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:34,300
Now, let's get crackin'.

121
00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:37,300
Shower, shirt, shoes,
and let's shove off.

122
00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:41,700
There wouldn't have been
any ass-kickings

123
00:17:41,900 --> 00:17:43,800
if that stupid death ray
had worked.

124
00:17:48,700 --> 00:17:49,700
Problem solved.
 125
00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:53,000
Really? That's impressive.

126
00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:56,200
Leonard, the Lord never gives
us more than we can handle.

127
00:17:56,700 --> 00:17:59,000
Thankfully, He blessed me
with two other children

128
00:17:59,100 --> 00:18:00,300
who are dumb as soup.

129
00:18:06,300 --> 00:18:08,300
Excuse me, Dr. Gablehauser,
are you busy?

130
00:18:08,500 --> 00:18:10,500
 - Well, actually...
- Sheldon, he's just doodlin'.

131
00:18:10,700 --> 00:18:11,800
Get in here.

132
00:18:19,100 --> 00:18:21,300
Let's go, baby.
We're losing daylight.

133
00:18:25,900 --> 00:18:26,900
As you know,

134
00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:29,800
several weeks ago
in our first encounter,

135
00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:32,000
we may have gotten off
on the wrong foot
 136
00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:33,900
when I called you an idiot.

137
00:18:35,100 --> 00:18:37,600
And I just wanted to say
that I was wrong...

138
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:39,400
to point it out.

139
00:18:42,700 --> 00:18:44,500
I'm sorry,
we haven't been introduced.

140
00:18:46,900 --> 00:18:48,000
Sheldon's mom.

141
00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:51,400
 Now, that's impossible! You must
have had him when you were a teenager.

142
00:18:51,700 --> 00:18:53,900
Oh, aren't you sweet.
His father's dead.

143
00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:58,600
- Recently?
- Long enough.

144
00:18:59,700 --> 00:19:00,700
Please.

145
00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:03,700
Sheldon, shouldn't you be working?

146
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:16,100
Hey, how did it go?
 147
00:19:16,900 --> 00:19:18,100
I got my job back.

148
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:19,700
Really?
What happened?

149
00:19:20,700 --> 00:19:22,100
I'm not quite sure.

150
00:19:23,300 --> 00:19:25,200
It involves a part
of the human experience

151
00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:27,100
that has always eluded me.

152
00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:29,700
That narrows it down.
 1
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:34,800
I'm very proud of you honey.

2
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:36,800
You showed a lot of courage today.

3
00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:38,800
Thanks, Mom.

4
00:19:45,300 --> 00:19:48,100
Is Dr. Gablehauser going
to be my new daddy?

5
00:19:51,500 --> 00:19:52,500
We'll see.

6
00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:54,200
Sleep tight.
 9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
<font color="#ffff00" size=14>www.tvsubtitles.net</font>

10000
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:13,000
Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org
 The Big Bang Theory - 1x05 - The Hamburger Postulate

00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000

Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org

00:00:00,400 --> 00:00:03,300

All right!

I'm moving my infantry division.

00:00:03,500 --> 00:00:06,600

Augmented by bataillon of orcs

from Lord of the Rings.

00:00:06,800 --> 00:00:08,400

We flank the Tennessee volunteers

00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:11,500

and the North, once again,

wins the battle of Gettysburg.

00:00:11,900 --> 00:00:13,100

Not so fast!

00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:15,400

Remember, the South still has

two infantry divisions,

00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:17,300

plus Superman and Godzilla.

00:00:17,900 --> 00:00:21,200

No, orcs are magic. Superman

is vulnerable to magic.

00:00:21,300 --> 00:00:25,500

Not to mention you already lost Godzilla

to the Illinois cavalry and Hulk.

10

00:00:26,100 --> 00:00:30,000

Why don't you just have Robert E. Lee

charge the line with Shiva and Ganesh?

11

00:00:30,300 --> 00:00:32,300

- You guys ready to order?

- Hang on, honey.

12

00:00:32,500 --> 00:00:33,700

Shiva and Ganesh,

13

00:00:33,900 --> 00:00:36,200

the Hindu gods,

against the entire Union army?

14

00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:37,400

And orcs.

15

00:00:38,300 --> 00:00:39,400

I'll be back.

16

00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:40,800

Excuse me.

17

00:00:40,900 --> 00:00:43,600

Ganesh is the Remover of Obstacles

and Shiva is the Destroyer.

18

00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:46,400

When the smoke clears,

Abraham Lincoln will be speaking Hindi

19

00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:48,000

and drinking mint juleps.

20

00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:51,900

My boss says you have to either order

or leave and never come back.

21

00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:55,700

What do you recommend for someone

who worked up a man-sized appetite

22

00:00:55,900 --> 00:00:58,000

from a morning of weight training

and cardio funk?

23

00:00:58,200 --> 00:00:59,200

A shower.

24

00:01:00,300 --> 00:01:02,400

I'll take the Heart Smart platter.

25

00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:04,900

All right, thank you,

and Sheldon?

26

00:01:05,300 --> 00:01:07,300

We don't eat here.

I don't know what's good.

27

00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:10,100

- It's all good.

- Statistically unlikely.

28

00:01:11,200 --> 00:01:13,200

Just get a hamburger.

You like hamburgers.

29

00:01:13,300 --> 00:01:15,200

I like hamburgers

where we usually have them.

30

00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:17,700

You can't make the assumption

that I'll like them here.

31

00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:19,600

I'm sorry.

32

00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:21,700

- Give him a hamburger.

- Which one?
33

00:01:21,900 --> 00:01:23,800

The Classic Burger,

the Ranch House Burger,

34

00:01:23,900 --> 00:01:25,700

the Barbecue Burger,

or the Kobe Burger?

35

00:01:25,900 --> 00:01:27,600

Can't we just go to Big Boy?

36

00:01:27,900 --> 00:01:30,500

They only have one burger...

the Big Boy.

37

00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:32,600

The Barbecue Burger's like the Big Boy.

38

00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:35,200

Excuse me, in a world

that already includes a Big Boy,

39

00:01:35,300 --> 00:01:37,400

why would I settle for

something like a Big Boy?

40

00:01:37,700 --> 00:01:39,600

Because you're not at Big Boy!

41

00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:43,600

- Fine, I'll have the Barbecue Burger.

- Make it two.

42

00:01:43,700 --> 00:01:45,900

Waitresses don't yell at you

at Big Boy.

43

00:01:47,100 --> 00:01:48,700

Hey, Leonard.

Hi, guys.

44

00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:50,000

Hi, Leslie.

45

00:01:50,100 --> 00:01:51,400

I didn't know you ate here.

46

00:01:51,500 --> 00:01:53,600

We don't.

This is a disturbing aberration.

47

00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:55,100

Leslie, this is Penny.

48

00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:57,100

She lives across the hall

from Sheldon and me.

49

00:01:57,300 --> 00:01:59,800

And walks in quiet beauty

like the night.

50

00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:02,700

Howard, I've asked you not to do that.

51

00:02:03,900 --> 00:02:06,200

Leslie and I do research together

at the university.

52

00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:08,600

Wow, a girl scientist.

53
00:02:08,900 --> 00:02:11,000

Yep, come for the breasts,

stay for the brains.

54

00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:13,700

Glad I ran into you.

55

00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:16,200

The Physics Department string quartet

needs a new cellist.

56

00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:17,700

What happened to Elliot Wong?

57

00:02:17,900 --> 00:02:19,900

He switched over

to high-energy radiation research,

58

00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:21,800

had a little mishap,

and now the other guys

59

00:02:21,900 --> 00:02:23,600

are uncomfortable sitting next to him.

60

00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:26,200

- You're in?

- Yeah, sure, why not?

61

00:02:26,500 --> 00:02:28,700

Great, we rehearse

on Tuesdays at your place.

62

00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:29,800

Why at my place?

63

00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:33,300

Department of Energy said

our regular space is kind of a hot zone.

64

00:02:34,100 --> 00:02:35,900

- Nice meeting you.

- Yeah, you, too.

65

00:02:36,900 --> 00:02:38,500

I didn't know you played the cello.

66

00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:40,900

Yeah, my parents felt

that naming me Leonard

67

00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:43,200

and putting me

in Advanced Placement classes

68

00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:45,300

wasn't getting me beaten up enough.

69

00:02:46,100 --> 00:02:48,900

If you're into music,

I happen to be a human beatbox.

70

00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:50,000

Really?

71

00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:58,900

I'm actually not that into music.

72

00:02:59,900 --> 00:03:01,200

Your friend's really cute.

73

00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:02,900

Anything going on with you two?

74

00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:04,600

Leslie?

75

00:03:04,700 --> 00:03:05,700

No, no.

76

00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:08,200

- What, are you kidding?

- He asked her out once.

77

00:03:08,300 --> 00:03:10,100

It was an embarrassing failure.

78

00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:12,100

- Thank you, Sheldon.

- I'm sorry.

79

00:03:12,300 --> 00:03:13,800

Was that supposed to be a secret?

80

00:03:15,100 --> 00:03:17,100

That's too bad.

You guys'd make a cute couple.

81

00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:20,500

Oh, dear.

82

00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:22,800

- What's the matter?

- She didn't take my order.

83

00:03:22,900 --> 00:03:25,900

How can she take your order

when you're too neurotic to talk to her?

84

00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:29,600

Nevertheless,

this will be reflected in her tip.

85

00:03:32,900 --> 00:03:35,200

What did Penny mean,

"You'd make a cute couple?"

86

00:03:35,900 --> 00:03:37,700

I assume she meant

the two of you together

87
00:03:37,900 --> 00:03:41,100

would constitute a couple

that others might consider cute.

88

00:03:42,700 --> 00:03:44,900

An alternate and somewhat

less likely interpretation

89

00:03:45,100 --> 00:03:47,100

is that you could manufacture one.

90

00:03:48,700 --> 00:03:51,400

As in, "Look, Leonard and Leslie

made Mr. and Mrs. Goldfarb.

91

00:03:51,500 --> 00:03:52,700

Aren't they adorable?"

92

00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:56,100

If Penny didn't know

that Leslie had turned me down,

93

00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:57,700

then it would unambiguously mean

94

00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:00,600

that she, Penny, thought

I should ask her, Leslie, out,

95

00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:03,800

indicating that she had no interest

in me asking her, Penny, out.

96

00:04:03,900 --> 00:04:06,300

But, because she did know

that I had asked Leslie out

97

00:04:06,500 --> 00:04:09,200

and that she, Leslie,

had turned me down, then she, Penny,

98

00:04:09,300 --> 00:04:11,200

could be offering consolation.

99

00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:16,100

"That's too bad,

you would have made a cute couple,"

100

00:04:16,300 --> 00:04:19,700

but while thinking: "Good,

Leonard remains available."

101

00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:23,700

You're a lucky man, Leonard.

102

00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:28,100

- How so?

- You're talking to one of the three men

103

00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:31,900

in the Western hemisphere capable

of following that train of thought.

104

00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:33,800

Well, what do you think?

105

00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:36,600

I said I could follow it.

I didn't say I care.

106

00:04:57,700 --> 00:05:01,000

Season 1 Episode 5:

The Hamburger Postulate

1

00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:10,300

I admire your fingering.

00:05:11,500 --> 00:05:12,500

Thank you.

00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:16,900

Maybe sometime you can try that

on my instrument.

00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:27,600

- G'night, guys. Good job.

- Thanks.

00:05:27,700 --> 00:05:29,200

See you next week.

00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:32,400

- That was fun. Thanks for including me.

- You're welcome.

00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:35,700

If you're up for it, we could practice

that middle section again.

8

00:05:35,900 --> 00:05:36,900

Sure, why not?

00:05:43,700 --> 00:05:45,300

Just so we're clear,

you understand

10

00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:47,300

that me hanging back

to practice with you

11

00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:49,900

is a pretext for letting you know

that I'm sexually available.

12

00:05:57,300 --> 00:05:58,300

Really?

13

00:05:58,600 --> 00:05:59,900

Yeah, I'm good to go.

14

00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:02,600

I thought you weren't interested in me.

15

00:06:02,900 --> 00:06:04,600

That was before I saw you handling

16

00:06:04,700 --> 00:06:07,100

that beautiful piece

of wood between your legs.

17

00:06:09,300 --> 00:06:10,600

You mean my cello?

18

00:06:10,900 --> 00:06:13,400

No, I mean the obvious,

crude, double entendre.

19

00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:14,900

I'm seducing you.

20

00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:17,900

No kidding.

21

00:06:19,100 --> 00:06:21,300

What can I say?

I'm a passionate and impulsive woman.

22

00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:24,400

So how about it?

23

00:06:27,300 --> 00:06:28,400

Is it the waitress?

24

00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:31,200

What about her?

25

00:06:31,500 --> 00:06:33,800

I thought I saw your pupils

dilate when you looked at her.

26

00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:37,200

Which, unless you're a heroin addict,

points to sexual attraction.

27

00:06:38,700 --> 00:06:40,700

I did have a poppy seed bagel

for breakfast.

28

00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:43,800

Which could cause a positive

urine test for opiates,

29

00:06:43,900 --> 00:06:45,600

but certainly not dilate my pupils.

30

00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:48,300

So I guess there was no point

in bringing it up.

31

00:06:49,500 --> 00:06:51,200

You and the waitress then.

32

00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:52,400

No... no.

33

00:06:52,700 --> 00:06:55,100

There's nothing going on

between Penny and me.

34

00:06:55,700 --> 00:06:57,800

So you're open

to a sexual relationship?

35

00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:00,900

Yeah, yeah, I guess I am.

36

00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:03,700

- Good.

- Yeah, it is. It is good.

37

00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:07,600

Did you want to start now?

38

00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:10,000

Why don't we finish

the section first?

39

00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:13,400

A little musical foreplay.

Terrific.

40

00:07:34,900 --> 00:07:35,900

I'm good to go.

41

00:07:36,100 --> 00:07:37,100

Me, too.

42

00:07:49,100 --> 00:07:50,500

Hey, Sheldon.

What's going on?

43

00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:53,100

I need your opinion

on a matter of semiotics.

44

00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:54,600

I'm sorry?

45

00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:57,200

Semiotics.

The study of signs and symbols.

46

00:07:57,300 --> 00:08:00,000

It's a branch of philosophy

related to linguistics.

47

00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:05,400

Okay, sweetie, I know you think

you're explaing yourself,

48

00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:07,200

but you're really not.

49

00:08:09,700 --> 00:08:11,000

Just come with me.

50

00:08:15,700 --> 00:08:17,700

- Well?

- Well, what?

51

00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:19,600

What does it mean?

52

00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:22,400

Oh, come on,

you went to college.

53

00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:23,900

Yes, but I was 11.

54

00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:28,900

All right, look,

a tie on the doorknob usually means

55

00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:30,600

someone doesn't want to be disturbed

56

00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:33,900

because, they're...

you know, gettin' busy.

57

00:08:36,100 --> 00:08:38,000

So you're saying Leonard

has a girl in there?

58

00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:40,500

Well, either that

or he's lost his tie rack

59

00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:42,700

and gotten really into Bryan Adams.

60

00:08:44,100 --> 00:08:45,900

Oh, Leonard, you magnificent beast.

61

00:08:49,100 --> 00:08:51,200

We really shouldn't be standing here.

62

00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:55,200

This is very awkward.

63

00:08:55,700 --> 00:08:58,800

Oh, come on, Leonard's had

girls over before, right?

64

00:08:59,500 --> 00:09:03,100

Yes, but there's usually planning,

courtship, advance notice...

65

00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:08,300

Last time, I was able to book a cruise

to the Arctic to see a solar eclipse.

66

00:09:09,700 --> 00:09:13,000

You had to leave the state

because your roommate was having sex?

67

00:09:13,300 --> 00:09:16,200

I didn't have to.

The dates just happened to coincide.

68

00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:21,200

So, do you know who's in there?

69

00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:23,900

Well, there's Leonard.

70

00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:31,100

And he's either with Leslie Winkle

or a 1930s gangster.

71

00:09:35,100 --> 00:09:36,400

Good for him.

72

00:09:37,300 --> 00:09:38,900

Good for Leonard.

73

00:09:40,700 --> 00:09:41,800

Okay, g'night.

74

00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:43,500

No, no, wait, hold on.

75

00:09:43,700 --> 00:09:44,800

What's the matter?

76

00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:47,100

I don't know what the protocol is here.

77

00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:50,600

Do I stay? Do I leave?

78

00:09:51,100 --> 00:09:53,700

Do I wait to greet them

with a refreshing beverage?

79

00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:58,000

You're asking the wrong girl.

80

00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:00,100

I'm usually

on the other side of the tie.

81

00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:22,300

Hi, Leonard?

82

00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:28,100

It's me, Sheldon...

83

00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:31,700

In the living room.

84
00:10:32,300 --> 00:10:34,600

I just... I wanted you

to know I saw the tie.

85

00:10:34,900 --> 00:10:36,100

Message received.

86

00:10:40,100 --> 00:10:41,300

You're welcome.

87

00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:44,200

You carry on.

88

00:10:44,300 --> 00:10:46,000

Give my best to Leslie.

00:11:25,100 --> 00:11:26,300

Big Boy...

00:11:51,500 --> 00:11:53,100

Someone touched my board.

00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:58,300

Oh, God, my board!

4

00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:06,200

Hey, what's the matter?

00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:08,600

My equations, someone's tampered

with my equations.

00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:10,400

- Are you sure?

- Of course I am.

00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:12,700

Look at the beta function

of quantum chromodynamics.

00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:14,400

The sign's been changed.

00:12:15,300 --> 00:12:16,300

Oh, yeah.

10

00:12:16,700 --> 00:12:18,900

But doesn't that fix the problem

you've been having?

11

00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:21,400

Are you insane?

Are you out of your mind?

12

00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:22,300

Are you-- Look!

13

00:12:22,500 --> 00:12:24,800

That fixes the problem

I've been having.

14

00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:27,300

You're welcome.

15

00:12:29,300 --> 00:12:30,600

You did this?

16

00:12:31,900 --> 00:12:34,600

I noticed it when I got up

to get a glass of water. So I fixed it.

17

00:12:34,700 --> 00:12:37,700

Now you can show that quarks are

asymptotically free at high energies.

18

00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:38,900

Pretty cool, huh?

19

00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:42,300

"Cool"?

20

00:12:43,500 --> 00:12:46,400

Listen, I've got to get to the lab.

Thanks for a great night.

21

00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:49,600

Thank you.

I'll see you at work.

22

00:12:50,100 --> 00:12:51,800

Hold on. Hold on!

23

00:12:52,700 --> 00:12:54,800

- What?

- Who told you you could touch my board?

24
00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:56,400

No one.

25

00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:58,700

I don't come into your house

and touch your board.

26

00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:01,400

There are no incorrect equations

on my board.

27

00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:06,200

Oh, that is so...

28

00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:07,800

so...

29

00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:13,500

Sorry, I've got to run. If you come up

with an adjective, text me.

30

00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:18,200

Inconsiderate.

31
00:13:18,300 --> 00:13:20,800

That is the adjective,

"inconsiderate. "

32

00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:25,700

You can stare at your board all day.

She's still going to be right.

33

00:13:25,900 --> 00:13:27,700

I'm not staring, I'm hauling.

34

00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:31,200

So...

35

00:13:31,500 --> 00:13:33,000

how's it going?

36

00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:37,600

Pretty good.

37

00:13:38,900 --> 00:13:42,100

Just pretty good?

I'd think you were doing very good.

38
00:13:43,900 --> 00:13:46,300

Pretty, very...

there's really no objective scale

39

00:13:46,500 --> 00:13:49,500

for delineating variations of "good."

Why do you ask?

40

00:13:50,100 --> 00:13:51,500

Well, a little bird told me

41

00:13:51,700 --> 00:13:53,900

that you and Leslie

hooked up last night.

42

00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:01,500

So, is it serious?

Do you like her?

43

00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:03,100

I don't...

44

00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:07,100

That's really two different questions.

45

00:14:07,500 --> 00:14:08,600

I'm not...

46

00:14:08,900 --> 00:14:10,400

Sheldon, we have to go!

47

00:14:10,900 --> 00:14:14,100

You're wound awfully tight for a man

who's just had sexual intercourse.

48

00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:19,400

All right, I'll talk to you later,

but I am so happy for you.

49

00:14:21,700 --> 00:14:22,700

Thank you.

50

00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:28,400

What did she mean

she's happy for me?

51

00:14:29,100 --> 00:14:30,700

Is she happy that

I'm seeing someone?

52

00:14:30,900 --> 00:14:32,900

Or is she happy because

she thinks that I am?

53

00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:35,800

Because anyone who cared for someone

would want them to be happy.

54

00:14:35,900 --> 00:14:39,600

Even if the reason for their happiness

made the first person unhappy.

55

00:14:40,300 --> 00:14:42,400

Because the second person,

though happy,

56

00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:45,600

is now romantically unavailable

to the first person.

57

00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:50,000

Do you realize I may have to share

a Nobel Prize with your booty call?

58

00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:54,600

You know what?

59

00:14:55,500 --> 00:14:56,900

I'm being ridiculous.

60

00:14:57,900 --> 00:14:59,600

Who cares what Penny thinks?

61

00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:02,100

Leslie is a terrific girl.

She's attractive.

62

00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:04,800

We like each other.

She's extremely intelligent...

63

00:15:04,900 --> 00:15:07,700

- She's not that intelligent.

- She fixed your equation.

64

00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:09,900

- She got lucky.

- You don't believe in luck.

65

00:15:10,100 --> 00:15:12,600

I don't have to believe

in it for her to be lucky.

66

00:15:13,700 --> 00:15:16,500

Regardless, I have a chance

at a real relationship with Leslie.

67

00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:18,000

I'm not going to pass that up

68

00:15:18,100 --> 00:15:20,300

for some hypothetical future

of happiness with a woman

69

00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:22,900

who may or may not

want me to be happy,

70

00:15:23,100 --> 00:15:25,800

with a woman who is

currently making me happy.

71
00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:30,100

I still don't care.

72

00:15:40,500 --> 00:15:43,800

Careful, Leonard. Liquid nitrogen,

320 degrees below zero.

73

00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:55,000

Why are you smashing

a flash-frozen banana?

74

00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:58,300

Because I got a bowl of Cheerios

and I couldn't find a knife.

75

00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:01,400

So anyway...

76

00:16:02,900 --> 00:16:03,900

Hello.

77

00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:08,100

What are you doing?

78
00:16:08,900 --> 00:16:10,400

Just extending the intimacy.

79

00:16:10,900 --> 00:16:13,000

Do you want to slip over

to the radiation lab

80

00:16:13,300 --> 00:16:15,500

and share a decontamination shower?

81

00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:22,800

What exactly do you think's

going on between us?

82

00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:27,700

I'm not sure, but I think I'm about

to discover how the banana felt.

83

00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:34,500

Listen,

neither of us are neuroscientists,

84

00:16:34,700 --> 00:16:36,600

but we both understand

the biochemistry of sex.

85

00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:38,200

I mean, dopamine in our brains

86

00:16:38,300 --> 00:16:40,300

is released across synapses,

causing pleasure.

87

00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:43,000

You stick electrodes in a rat's brain,

give him an orgasm button,

88

00:16:43,100 --> 00:16:45,200

he'll push that thing

until he starves to death.

89

00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:47,800

Well, who wouldn't?

90

00:16:48,300 --> 00:16:50,300

Well, the only difference

between us and the rat

91

00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:52,700

is that you can't stick an

electrode in our hypothalamus.

92

00:16:52,900 --> 00:16:54,300

That's where you come in.

93

00:16:56,500 --> 00:16:59,200

Yeah, well, I'm just glad

to be a part of it.

94

00:17:00,700 --> 00:17:01,800

So what happens now?

95

00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:05,600

I don't know about your sex drive,

but I'm probably good till New Year's.

96

00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:12,700

- Thank you.

- Thank you.

97

00:17:16,300 --> 00:17:17,900

You want to make plans for New Year's?

98
00:17:18,100 --> 00:17:19,500

Please.

You're smothering me.

99

00:17:22,700 --> 00:17:24,300

Look. It's Dr. Stud!

100

00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:27,400

Dr. What?

101

00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:30,200

The blogosphere is a-buzzin'

with news of you and Leslie Winkle

102

00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:32,600

making <i>eine kleine

bang-bang musik</i>.

103

00:17:34,500 --> 00:17:35,900

How did it get on the Internet?

104

00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:37,200

I put it there.

105
00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:39,900

How did you know about it?

106

00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:41,600

A little bird told us.

107

00:17:42,900 --> 00:17:45,400

Apparently,

you are a magnificent beast.

108

00:17:48,500 --> 00:17:49,900

That part's true.

00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:58,800

I think I may have

misjudged this restaurant.

00:17:59,100 --> 00:18:01,100

- No kidding.

- I don't want to go out on a limb,

00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:04,200

but I think we may be looking

at my new Tuesday hamburger.

4

00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:08,500

Your old Tuesday hamburger

will be so brokenhearted.

00:18:10,100 --> 00:18:12,800

Way ahead of you. I was thinking

of moving Big Boy to Thursdays,

00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:14,800

and just dropping Souplantation.

00:18:16,300 --> 00:18:17,300

Really?

00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:20,800

The name always confused me anyway.

Souplantation.

00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:22,600

You can't grow soup.

10

00:18:26,100 --> 00:18:27,800

So, how's everything?

11

00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:31,000

Terrific. You'll be happy to know

that I plan to come here

12

00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:33,100

every Tuesday night

for the foreseeable future.

13

00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:34,200

Really?

14

00:18:36,900 --> 00:18:39,600

Who do I speak to about

permanently reserving this table?

15

00:18:40,700 --> 00:18:42,800

I don't know...

A psychiatrist?

16

00:18:44,900 --> 00:18:45,900

So, hey,

17

00:18:46,700 --> 00:18:48,800

how are things with you and Leslie?

18

00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:52,400

To be honest, I don't think

it's going to work out.

19

00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:55,300

Oh, that's too bad.

20

00:18:55,700 --> 00:18:56,900

Hey, don't worry.

21

00:18:57,100 --> 00:19:00,300

I'm sure there's someone out there

who's just right for you.

22

00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:05,000

What did she mean by that?!

23

00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:08,100

Was that just a generic platitude,

24

00:19:08,300 --> 00:19:10,200

or was that a subtle bid

for attention?
25

00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:15,300

You know why this hamburger

surpasses the Big Boy?

26

00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:19,200

This is a single-decker hamburger,

whereas the Big Boy is a double-decker.

27

00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:22,600

This has a much more satisfying

meat-to-bun-to-condiment ratio.

28

00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:25,700

Are you even listening to me?

29

00:19:25,900 --> 00:19:29,600

Of course, I'm listening.

Blah, blah, hopeless Penny delusion...

30

00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:33,400

Okay, then.

31

00:19:35,900 --> 00:19:38,600

You know, you can grow

the ingredients for soup.

9999

00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00

<font color="#ffff00" size=14>www.tvsubtitles.net</font>

10000

00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:13,000

Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org

 The Big Bang Theory - 1x06 - The Middle Earth Paradigm

00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000

Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org

00:00:06,800 --> 00:00:09,300

Okay, if no one else was...

00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:12,700

We really sucked at paintball

00:00:12,700 --> 00:00:14,700

Oh, that was

absolutely humiliating

00:00:14,700 --> 00:00:17,800

Oh, come on. Some battles you win,

some battles you lose.

00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:23,600

Yes, but but you don't have to lose

to Kyle Burnsteen Barmistva party.

00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:25,100

I think we have to acknowledge,

00:00:25,100 --> 00:00:29,500

those was some fairly savage

preadolescent jews.

00:00:31,100 --> 00:00:33,700

No, we were annihilated

by our own incompetence

00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:36,800

and the inability of some people

to follow the chain of command.

10

00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:38,400

Sheldon, let it go!

11

00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:43,000

No, I want to talk about the fact

that Wolowitz shot me in the ck.

12

00:00:43,300 --> 00:00:44,600

I shot you for good reason.

13
00:00:44,600 --> 00:00:47,800

You were leading us into disaster.

14

00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:50,300

I was giving clear, concise orders.

15

00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:52,700

You hid behind a tree yelling,

"Get the kid in the yarmulke!

16

00:00:52,700 --> 00:00:54,900

Get the kid in the yarmulke!"

17

00:00:54,900 --> 00:00:56,100

Oh, hey, guys.

18

00:00:56,100 --> 00:00:59,000

- Oh, hey, Penny. Hello.

- Morning, ma'am.

19

00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:01,400

So, how was paintball?

Did you have fun?

20
00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:05,700

Sure, if you consider being fragged

by your own troops fun.

21

00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:09,900

You clear space on your calendar--

there will be an inquiry.

22

00:01:09,900 --> 00:01:11,300

Okay.

23

00:01:11,300 --> 00:01:12,500

Um, hey, I'm having a party on Saturday,

24

00:01:12,500 --> 00:01:14,200

so if you guys are around,

you should come on by.

25

00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:15,400

- A party?

- Yeah.

26

00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:19,000

A... "boy-girl" party?

27

00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:23,800

Well, there will be boys and there will

be girls and it is a party, so...

28

00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:24,900

It'll just be a bunch of my friends.

29

00:01:24,900 --> 00:01:26,900

We'll have some beer, do a little dancing.

30

00:01:26,900 --> 00:01:27,800

Dancing?

31

00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:29,200

Yeah, I don't know, Penny...

32

00:01:29,200 --> 00:01:30,200

The thing is, we're not...

33

00:01:30,200 --> 00:01:33,600

- No, we're really more of a... -No.

34

00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:35,700

But thanks.Thanks for thinking of us.

35

00:01:35,700 --> 00:01:37,800

Are you sure? Come on, it's Halloween.

36

00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:39,200

A Halloween party?

37

00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:40,800

As in... costumes?

38

00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:43,800

Well, yeah.

39

00:01:51,100 --> 00:01:52,600

Is there a theme?

40

00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:55,000

Um, yeah, Halloween.

41

00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:58,500

Yes, but are the costumes

random, or genre-specific?
42

00:01:58,500 --> 00:02:01,000

As usual, I'm not following.

43

00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:05,300

He's asking if we can come as

anyone from science fiction, fantasy...

44

00:02:05,300 --> 00:02:06,700

- Sure.

- What about comic books?

45

00:02:06,700 --> 00:02:07,700

- Fine.

- Anime?

46

00:02:07,700 --> 00:02:09,100

- Of course.

- TV, film,

47

00:02:09,100 --> 00:02:11,500

D- and-D, manga, Greek gods,

Roman gods, Norse gods--

48

00:02:11,500 --> 00:02:13,500

Anything you want! Okay?

49

00:02:13,500 --> 00:02:16,600

Any costume you want.

50

00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:19,000

Bye.

51

00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:22,600

Gentlemen, to the sewing machines.

52

00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:46,000

Season 1 Episode 6:

The Middle Earth Paradigm

00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:49,900

I'll get it.

00:03:04,300 --> 00:03:07,000

Oh, no.

00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:09,600

Oh, no.
4

00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:13,300

Make way for the fastest man alive!

00:03:13,300 --> 00:03:14,600

Oh, no.

00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:17,500

See, this is why I wanted to

have a costume meeting.

00:03:17,500 --> 00:03:20,500

We all have other costumes:

We can change.

00:03:20,500 --> 00:03:23,100

Or we could walk right

behind each other all night

00:03:23,100 --> 00:03:26,700

and look like one person

going really fast.

10

00:03:33,100 --> 00:03:34,600

No, no, no.

11

00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:39,000

It's a boy-girl party, this flash runs solo.

12

00:03:39,300 --> 00:03:40,400

Okay, how about this?

13

00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:41,600

Nobody gets to be The Flash.

14

00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:44,400

We all change. Agreed?

15

00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:46,800

Agreed.

16

00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:49,100

I call Frodo!

17

00:03:49,100 --> 00:03:51,500

Damn!

18

00:03:57,200 --> 00:03:58,500

Hey.

19

00:04:00,700 --> 00:04:05,000

Sorry I'm late, but my hammer got

stuck in the door on the bus.

20

00:04:05,300 --> 00:04:06,300

You went with Thor?

21

00:04:06,300 --> 00:04:10,100

What, just because I'm Indian

I can't be a Norse god?

22

00:04:10,100 --> 00:04:13,300

"No, no, Raj has to be an Indian god."

23

00:04:13,300 --> 00:04:14,700

That's racism.

24

00:04:14,700 --> 00:04:16,800

I mean look at Wolowitz.He's not English,

25

00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:19,600

but he's dressed like Peter Pan.

26

00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:21,700

Sheldon is neither sound nor light,

27

00:04:21,700 --> 00:04:24,700

but he's obviously the Doppler effect.

28

00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:29,600

I'm not Peter Pan.

29

00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:31,400

I'm Robin Hood.

30

00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:32,300

Really?

31

00:04:32,300 --> 00:04:36,600

Because I sawPeter Pan, and

you're dressed exactly like Cathy Rigby.

32

00:04:37,100 --> 00:04:41,100

She was a little bigger than you,

but it's basically the same look, man.

33

00:04:41,900 --> 00:04:44,800

Hey, Sheldon, there's something

I want to talk to you about before

we go to the party.

34

00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:46,400

I don't care if anybody gets it.

35

00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:49,100

I'm going as the Doppler effect.

36

00:04:49,700 --> 00:04:53,000

- No, it's not that.

- If I have to, I can demonstrate.

37

00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:59,000

Terrific.

38

00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:05,700

this party is my first chance for Penny

to see me in the context of her social group,

39

00:05:05,700 --> 00:05:09,000

and I need you not to

embarrass me tonight.

40

00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:12,600

Well, what exactly do you

mean by embarrass you?

41

00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:14,700

Well, for example, tonight,

42

00:05:14,700 --> 00:05:18,000

no one needs to know that

my middle name is Leakey.

43

00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:20,100

But there's nothing embarrassing about that.

44

00:05:20,100 --> 00:05:21,900

Your father worked with Louis Leakey,

45

00:05:21,900 --> 00:05:23,500

a great anthropologist.

46

00:05:23,500 --> 00:05:26,200

It had nothing to do with

your bed-wetting.

47

00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:31,500

All m saying is that this party is the

perfect opportunity for Penny

48

00:05:31,500 --> 00:05:33,900

to see me as a member of her peer group,

49

00:05:33,900 --> 00:05:38,500

a potential close friend, and perhaps more,

50

00:05:38,500 --> 00:05:41,600

and I don't want to look like a dork.

51

00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:52,400

Just a heads up, fellas.

52

00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:56,400

If anyone gets lucky, I've got a dozen

condoms in my quiver.

53

00:05:57,800 --> 00:05:59,600

Oh, hey, guys.

54

00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:01,300

Hey. Sorry we're late.

55

00:06:01,300 --> 00:06:02,200

Late?

56

00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:03,400

It's 7:05.

57

00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:05,600

And you said the party starts at 7:00.

58

00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:07,700

Well, yeah, I mean, when you

start a party at 7:00,

59

00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:11,400

no one shows up at, you know, 7:00.

60

00:06:11,900 --> 00:06:14,500

It's 7:05.

61
00:06:14,500 --> 00:06:16,300

Yes. Yes, it is.

62

00:06:16,300 --> 00:06:19,100

Okay. Well, um, come on in.

63

00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:29,500

So, what, are all the girls in the bathroom?

64

00:06:29,500 --> 00:06:32,800

Probably, but in their own homes.

65

00:06:33,300 --> 00:06:36,300

So, what time does the costume parade start?

66

00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:38,200

The parade?

67

00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:41,300

Yeah, so the judges can give out the

prizes for best costume.

68

00:06:41,300 --> 00:06:43,200

You know, most frightening,

most authentic,

69

00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:47,000

most accurate visualization of

a scientific principal.

70

00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:50,200

Oh, Sheldon, I'm sorry,

71

00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:51,600

but there aren't going to be any parades

72

00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:55,100

or judges or prizes.

73

00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:58,100

This party is just going to suck.

74

00:06:58,300 --> 00:07:00,200

No! Come on, it's going to be fun,

75

00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:01,300

and you all look great.

76

00:07:01,300 --> 00:07:02,900

I mean, look at you, Thor,

77

00:07:02,900 --> 00:07:04,300

and, oh, Peter Pan.

78

00:07:04,300 --> 00:07:06,600

That's so cute.

79

00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:09,700

- Actually, Penny, he's Robin Hood.

- I'm Peter Pan.

80

00:07:10,500 --> 00:07:14,700

And I got a handful of pixie dust

with your name on it.

81

00:07:15,500 --> 00:07:17,800

No, you don't.

82

00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:20,800

Uh, hey, what's Sheldon supposed to be?

83
00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:23,100

Oh, he's the Doppler effect.

84

00:07:23,100 --> 00:07:26,000

Yes. It's the apparent change in

the frequency of a wave

85

00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:30,500

caused by relative motion between

the source of the wave and the observer.

86

00:07:31,700 --> 00:07:33,400

Oh, sure, I see it now.

87

00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:35,600

The Doppler effect.

88

00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:36,500

All right, I got to shower.

89

00:07:36,500 --> 00:07:39,700

You guys, um, make yourselves comfortable.

90

00:07:39,700 --> 00:07:41,400

Okay.

91

00:07:42,300 --> 00:07:43,100

See?

92

00:07:43,100 --> 00:07:45,600

People get it.

93

00:07:58,300 --> 00:08:02,100

By Odin's beard, this is good Chex mix.

94

00:08:02,100 --> 00:08:03,700

No, thanks. Peanuts.

95

00:08:03,700 --> 00:08:06,800

I can't afford to swell up in these tights.

96

00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:08,200

I'm confused.

97

00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:11,800

If there's no costume parade,

what are we doing here?

98

00:08:11,800 --> 00:08:15,100

We're socializing, meeting new people.

99

00:08:15,100 --> 00:08:17,700

Telepathically?

100

00:08:17,700 --> 00:08:20,400

Oh, hey, when did you get here?

101

00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:21,400

Hi.

102

00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:24,200

Penny is wearing the worst Catwoman

costume I've ever seen.

103

00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:26,600

And that includes Halle Berry's.

104

00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:29,500

She's not Catwoman.

She's just a generic cat.

105
00:08:29,500 --> 00:08:31,500

And that's the kind of

sloppy costuming

106

00:08:31,500 --> 00:08:35,400

which results from a lack of

rules and competion.

107

00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:39,600

Hey, guys, check out the sexy nurse.

108

00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:44,900

I believe it's time for me to turn

my head and cough.

109

00:08:45,700 --> 00:08:46,900

What is your move?

110

00:08:46,900 --> 00:08:49,100

I'm going to use the mirror technique.

111

00:08:49,100 --> 00:08:51,100

She brushes her hair back, I brush my hair back...

112
00:08:51,100 --> 00:08:52,100

She shrugs, I shrug.

113

00:08:52,100 --> 00:08:55,900

Subconsciously she's thinking,

"We're in sync. We belong together."

114

00:08:55,900 --> 00:08:58,300

Where do you get this stuff?

115

00:08:58,300 --> 00:09:01,200

You know, psychology journals,

Internet research,

116

00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:06,000

and there's this great show on VH-1

about how to pick up girls.

117

00:09:07,700 --> 00:09:09,900

Oh, if only I had his confidence.

118

00:09:09,900 --> 00:09:13,900

I have such difficulty speaking to

women, or around women...

119

00:09:13,900 --> 00:09:18,000

or at times even effeminate men.

120

00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:19,700

If that's a working stethoscope,

121

00:09:19,700 --> 00:09:23,500

maybe you'd like to hear my

heart skip a beat?

122

00:09:23,500 --> 00:09:24,800

No, thanks.

123

00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:28,800

No, seriously, you can.I have transient

idiopathic arrhythmia.

124

00:09:35,100 --> 00:09:36,700

I want to get to know Penny's friends,

125

00:09:36,700 --> 00:09:40,600

I just don't know how to talk to these people.

126
00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:43,800

Well, I actually might be able to help.

127

00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:44,900

How so?

128

00:09:44,900 --> 00:09:47,400

Like Jane Goodall observing the apes,

129

00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:51,100

I initially saw their interactions as confusing

and unstructured.

130

00:09:51,100 --> 00:09:52,500

But patterns emerge.

131

00:09:52,500 --> 00:09:56,500

They have their own language, if you will.

132

00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:58,400

Go on.

133

00:09:58,400 --> 00:10:02,700

Well, it seems that the newcomer

approaches the existing group

with the greeting,

134

00:10:02,700 --> 00:10:04,600

"How wasted am I?"

135

00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:08,600

Which is met with an approving

chorus of "Dude."

136

00:10:09,100 --> 00:10:10,500

Then what happens?

137

00:10:10,500 --> 00:10:13,200

That's as far as I've gotten.

138

00:10:13,500 --> 00:10:15,000

This is ridiculous.

139

00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:16,300

I'm jumping in.

140

00:10:16,300 --> 00:10:17,200

Good luck.
141

00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:18,700

No, you're coming with me.

142

00:10:18,700 --> 00:10:21,100

Oh, I hardly think so.

143

00:10:21,100 --> 00:10:22,600

Oh, come on.

144

00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:24,400

Aren't you afraid I'll embarrass you?

145

00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:27,000

Yes; but I need a wing man.

146

00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:29,900

All right, but if we're going to use flight metaphors,

147

00:10:29,900 --> 00:10:31,500

I'm much more suited to being the guy

148

00:10:31,500 --> 00:10:35,100

from the FAA analyzing wreckage.

149

00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:38,300

Hi.

150

00:10:38,300 --> 00:10:39,900

Hi. Hello.

151

00:10:39,900 --> 00:10:41,900

So what are you supposed to be?

152

00:10:41,900 --> 00:10:45,400

Me? I'll give you a hint.

153

00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:50,200

A choo-choo train?

154

00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:52,000

Close!

155

00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:57,500

A brain damaged choo-choo train?

156
00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:02,800

How wasted am I?

00:11:11,300 --> 00:11:12,800

I still don't get it.

00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:14,800

I'm the Doppler effect.

00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:16,900

Okay, if that's some

sort of learning disability,

00:11:16,900 --> 00:11:19,800

I think it's very insensitive.

00:11:20,700 --> 00:11:24,100

Why don't you just tell

people you're a zebra?

00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:27,400

Well, why don't you just tell people

you're one of the seven dwarves?

7
00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:28,600

Because I'm Frodo.

00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:31,900

Yes, well, I'm the Doppler effect.

00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:35,000

- Oh, no.

- What?

10

00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:36,900

That's Penny's ex-boyfriend.

11

00:11:36,900 --> 00:11:38,900

What do you suppose he's doing here?

12

00:11:38,900 --> 00:11:42,500

Besides disrupting the local gravity field.

13

00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:45,900

If he were any bigger, he'd

have moons orbiting him.

14

00:11:45,900 --> 00:11:48,700

Oh, snap.

15

00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:51,200

So, I guess we'll be leaving now.

16

00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:53,100

Why should we leave?

17

00:11:53,100 --> 00:11:57,900

For all we know he crashed the

party and Penny doesn't even want him here.

18

00:11:58,500 --> 00:12:01,000

You have a backup hypothesis?

19

00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:03,500

Maybe they want to be friends.

20

00:12:03,500 --> 00:12:07,400

Or maybe she wants to be friends

and he wants something more.

21

00:12:07,400 --> 00:12:09,600

Then he and I are on equal ground.

22

00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:12,900

Yes, but you're much closer to it than he is.

23

00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:16,600

Look, if this was 1, 500 years ago,

24

00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:18,600

by virtue of his size and strength,

25

00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:21,100

Kurt would be entitled to his choice

of female partners.

26

00:12:21,100 --> 00:12:23,000

And male partners, animal partners,

27

00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:24,400

large primordial eggplants--

28

00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:27,100

pretty much whatever tickled his fancy.

29
00:12:27,500 --> 00:12:30,300

Yes, but our society has

undergone a paradigm shift.

30

00:12:30,300 --> 00:12:32,300

In the Information Age, Sheldon,

31

00:12:32,300 --> 00:12:34,800

you and I are the alpha males.

32

00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:36,600

We shouldn't have to back down.

33

00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:37,500

True.

34

00:12:37,500 --> 00:12:40,700

Why don't you text him that and

see if he backs down?

35

00:12:41,300 --> 00:12:43,000

No.

36

00:12:43,900 --> 00:12:47,200

I'm going to assert my

dominance face-to-face.

37

00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,600

Face-to-face? Are you going to

wait for him to sit down,

38

00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:52,400

or are you going to stand on the coffee table?

39

00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:54,700

Hello, Penny.

40

00:12:54,700 --> 00:12:55,600

Hello, Kurt.

41

00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:57,700

Oh, hey, guys, are you having a good time?

42

00:12:57,700 --> 00:12:58,900

Given the reaction to my costume,

43

00:12:58,900 --> 00:13:03,500

this party is a scathing indictment of

the American education system.

44

00:13:03,500 --> 00:13:06,300

What, you're a zebra, right?

45

00:13:06,300 --> 00:13:09,200

Yet another child left behind.

46

00:13:09,500 --> 00:13:11,700

And what are you supposed to be, an elf?

47

00:13:11,700 --> 00:13:13,200

No, I'm a hobbit.

48

00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:14,800

What's the difference?

49

00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:17,700

A hobbit is a mortal halfling

inhabitant of Middle Earth,

50

00:13:17,700 --> 00:13:21,300

whereas an elf is an immortal, tall warrior.

51

00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:24,400

So why the hell would you want to be a hobbit?

52

00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:26,400

Because he's neither tall nor immortal

53

00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:29,000

and none of us could be The Flash.

54

00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:30,600

Well, whatever.

55

00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:32,600

Why don't you go hop off on a quest?

56

00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:34,100

I'm talking to Penny here.

57

00:13:34,100 --> 00:13:36,000

I think we're all talking to Penny here.

58

00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:38,600

I'm not. No offense.

59

00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:40,300

Okay, maybe you didn't hear me.

60

00:13:40,300 --> 00:13:42,500

- Go away.

- All right, Kurt, be nice.

61

00:13:42,500 --> 00:13:45,300

Oh, I am being nice.

62

00:13:45,300 --> 00:13:47,000

Right, little buddy?

63

00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:49,200

- Kurt.

- Okay.

64

00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:53,500

I understand your impulse to try to

physically intimidate me.

65

00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:56,100

I mean, you can't compete with

me on an intellectual level

66

00:13:56,100 --> 00:13:59,000

so you're driven to animalistic puffery.

67

00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:01,500

You calling me a puffy animal?

68

00:14:01,500 --> 00:14:03,500

Of course not. No, he's not.

69

00:14:03,500 --> 00:14:05,800

You're not, right, Leonard?

70

00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:08,500

No, I said "animalistic."

71

00:14:08,500 --> 00:14:10,100

Of course we're all animals,

72

00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:13,600

but some of us have climbed a

little higher on the evolutionary tree.

73

00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:15,900

If he understands that, you're in trouble.

74

00:14:15,900 --> 00:14:18,000

So, what, I'm unevolved?

75

00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:20,200

You're in trouble.

76

00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:23,500

You know, you use a lot of big words

for such a little dwarf.

77

00:14:23,500 --> 00:14:25,200

Okay, Kurt, please.

78

00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:28,300

Penny, it's okay. I can handle this.

79

00:14:28,300 --> 00:14:30,000

I am not a dwarf,

80

00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:31,700

I'm a hobbit.

81

00:14:31,700 --> 00:14:33,000

A hobbit.

82

00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:35,900

Are misfiring neurons in your

hippocampus preventing the conversion

83

00:14:35,900 --> 00:14:39,400

from short-term to long-term memory?

84

00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:44,000

Okay, now you're starting to make me mad.

85

00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:48,300

A homo habilis discovering his

opposable thumbs says what?

86

00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:50,500

What?

87

00:14:54,700 --> 00:14:56,200

I think I've made my point.

88

00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:59,600

Yeah? How about I make a point out of

your pointy little head?

89

00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:02,300

Let me remind you, while my

moral support is absolute,

90

00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:05,500

in a physical confrontation,

I will be less than useless.

91

00:15:05,500 --> 00:15:07,600

There's not going to be a confrontation.

92

00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:11,900

In fact, I doubt if he can even

spell "confrontation."

93

00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:16,700

C- O-N...

94

00:15:16,700 --> 00:15:19,000

frontation!

95

00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,900

Kurt, put him down this instant!

96

00:15:20,900 --> 00:15:21,900

He started it!

97

00:15:21,900 --> 00:15:25,100

I don't care. I'm finishing it.Put him down!

98

00:15:25,100 --> 00:15:27,100

Fine.

99

00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:31,100

You're one lucky little leprechaun.

100

00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:34,100

He's a hobbit!

101

00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:36,400

I got your back.

102
00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:37,900

Leonard, are you okay?

103

00:15:37,900 --> 00:15:40,300

Yeah, I'm fine.

104

00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:44,700

It's good, it's a good party, thanks for having us.

105

00:15:44,700 --> 00:15:46,800

It's just getting a little late, so...

106

00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:48,400

Oh, okay.

107

00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:51,100

All right, well, thank you for coming.

108

00:15:53,300 --> 00:15:56,300

Happy Halloween.

109

00:15:58,400 --> 00:15:59,500

If it's any consolation,

110

00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:03,800

I thought that homo habilis line

really put him in his place.

111

00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:13,500

What's that?

112

00:16:13,500 --> 00:16:15,300

Tea.

113

00:16:15,700 --> 00:16:16,800

When people are upset,

114

00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:20,800

the cultural convention is to

bring them hot beverages.

115

00:16:26,500 --> 00:16:29,300

There, there.

116

00:16:31,100 --> 00:16:32,500

You want to talk about it?

117
00:16:32,500 --> 00:16:34,700

- No.

- Good.

118

00:16:35,300 --> 00:16:38,600

"There, there" was really all I had.

119

00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:40,100

Good night, Sheldon.

120

00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:42,100

Good night, Leonard.

121

00:16:48,300 --> 00:16:49,500

Hey, Leonard?

122

00:16:49,500 --> 00:16:50,800

Hi, Penny.

123

00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:52,800

Hey, I just wanted to make

sure you were okay.

124

00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:55,400

I'm fine.

125

00:16:56,100 --> 00:16:58,700

I am so sorry about what happened.

126

00:16:58,700 --> 00:17:00,500

It's not your fault.

127

00:17:00,500 --> 00:17:01,700

Yes, it is.

128

00:17:01,700 --> 00:17:03,100

That's why I broke up with him.

129

00:17:03,100 --> 00:17:06,300

He always does stuff like that.

130

00:17:06,300 --> 00:17:09,600

So why was he at your party?

131

00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:17,400

Well, I ran into him last week and he

was just all apologetic about how he's changed.

132

00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:19,700

And he was just going on and on and...

133

00:17:19,700 --> 00:17:21,400

I believed him and I'm an idiot

134

00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:24,400

because I always believe guys like that.

135

00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:26,800

And I can't go back to my party

because he's there.

136

00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:28,500

And know you don't want to

hear this and I'm upset

137

00:17:28,500 --> 00:17:32,200

and I'm really drunk and I just want to...

138

00:17:40,300 --> 00:17:43,000

There, there.

139
00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:47,400

God, what is wrong with me?

140

00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,000

Nothing, you're perfect.

141

00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:50,600

I'm not perfect.

142

00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:53,000

Yes, you are.

143

00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:58,300

You really think so, don't you?

144

00:18:10,900 --> 00:18:12,200

Penny?

145

00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:14,300

Yeah?

146

00:18:14,300 --> 00:18:17,800

How much have you had to drink tonight?

147

00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:22,800

Just... a lot.

148

00:18:23,100 --> 00:18:27,200

Are you sure that your being drunk

and your being angry with Kurt

149

00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:31,200

doesn't have something to do

with what's going on here?

150

00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:34,600

It might.

151

00:18:35,800 --> 00:18:37,700

Boy, you're really smart.

152

00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:41,400

Yeah, I'm a frickin' genius.

153

00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:47,000

Leonard, you are so great.

154
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:50,000

Why can't all guys be like you?

155

00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:51,500

Because if all guys were like me,

156

00:18:51,500 --> 00:18:55,200

the human race couldn't survive.

157

00:18:58,300 --> 00:19:00,100

I should probably go.

158

00:19:00,100 --> 00:19:02,700

Probably.

159

00:19:10,500 --> 00:19:13,000

Thank you.

160

00:19:22,300 --> 00:19:25,700

That's right, you saw what you saw.

161

00:19:26,900 --> 00:19:30,400

That's how we roll in the Shire.

1

00:19:35,900 --> 00:19:37,900

Coming.

00:19:42,300 --> 00:19:45,000

Hey, have you seen Koothrappali?

00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:46,700

He's not here.

00:19:46,700 --> 00:19:50,400

Maybe the Avengers summoned him.

00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:53,600

He's not the Marvel Comics Thor,

he's the original Norse god.

00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:56,100

Thank you for the clarification.

00:19:56,100 --> 00:19:57,400

I'm supposed to give him a ride home.

00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:59,000

Well, I'm sure he'll be fine.

00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:02,400

He has his hammer.

10

00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:12,800

I have to say, you are an amazing man.

11

00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:16,300

You're gentle, and passionate.

12

00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:21,200

And, my God, you are such a good listener.

9999

00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00

<font color="#ffff00" size=14>www.tvsubtitles.net</font>

10000

00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:13,000

Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org

 The Big Bang Theory - 1x07 - The Dumpling Paradox

00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000

Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org

00:00:00,600 --> 00:00:02,800

Watch this, it's really cool.

00:00:03,300 --> 00:00:04,800

Call Leonard Hoffstadder.

00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:08,500

<i>Did you say:

"Call Hellen Boxlightner?</i>

00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:14,800

Call Leonard Hoffstadder.

00:00:15,500 --> 00:00:18,500

<i>Did you say:

"Call Temple Badsaidor?"</i>

00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:22,200

Let me try!
7

00:00:23,500 --> 00:00:24,500

Call...

00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:30,300

<i>Calling "Rajesh Koothrappali."</i>

00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:38,800

That's very impressive.

10

00:00:39,900 --> 00:00:41,300

And a little racist.

11

00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:45,000

If we're all through playing

"mock the flawed technology,"

12

00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:46,500

can we get on with <i>Halo</i> night?

13

00:00:46,700 --> 00:00:48,900

We were supposed to start at

8:00. It is now 8:06.

14

00:00:49,100 --> 00:00:50,800

So we'll start now.

15

00:00:50,900 --> 00:00:53,400

First we have to decide

if those lost six minutes will be coming

16

00:00:53,500 --> 00:00:55,800

out of game time, bathroom time

or the pizza break.

17

00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:57,700

We could split it

two, two and two.

18

00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:01,300

If we're having anchovies on the pizza,

we can't take it out of bathroom time.

19

00:01:02,100 --> 00:01:03,900

Oh, what fresh hell is this?

20

00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:07,400

- Hey, Penny. Come on in.

- Hey, guys.

21

00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:08,900

See a Penny, pick her up,

22

00:01:09,100 --> 00:01:11,400

and all the day

you'll have good luck.

23

00:01:14,300 --> 00:01:15,400

No, you won't.

24

00:01:16,300 --> 00:01:17,800

Can I hide out here for a while?

25

00:01:17,900 --> 00:01:19,300

Sure. What's going on?

26

00:01:19,500 --> 00:01:22,100

There's this girl I know

from back in Nebraska, Christy.

27

00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:24,600

She called me up,

and she's like, "Hey, how's California?"

28

00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:27,000

And I'm like, "Awesome,"

'cause, you know, it's not Nebraska.

29

00:01:27,200 --> 00:01:28,500

And the next thing I know

30

00:01:28,700 --> 00:01:30,700

she's invited herself

out here to stay with me.

31

00:01:30,900 --> 00:01:32,100

8:08.

32

00:01:34,500 --> 00:01:37,100

Anyway, she got here today

and she's just been in my apartment

33

00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:39,400

yakity yakking about every guy

she slept with in Omaha,

34
00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:41,200

which is basically

every guy in Omaha,

35

00:01:41,300 --> 00:01:42,900

and washing the sluttiest

36

00:01:43,100 --> 00:01:45,900

collection of underwear

you have ever seen in my bathroom sink.

37

00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:48,700

Is she doing it one thong at a time,

or does she throw it all in...

38

00:01:49,500 --> 00:01:52,000

...like some sort

of erotic bouillabaisse?

39

00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:56,300

- He really needs to dial it down.

- I know.

40

00:01:58,100 --> 00:02:00,800

So if you don't like this Christy,

why are you letting her stay?

41

00:02:00,900 --> 00:02:02,400

She was engaged to my cousin

42

00:02:02,500 --> 00:02:05,300

while she was sleeping with my brother,

so she's kind of family.

43

00:02:07,300 --> 00:02:09,100

I apologize for my

earlier outburst.

44

00:02:09,300 --> 00:02:11,000

Who needs <i>Halo</i>,

when we can be regaled

45

00:02:11,100 --> 00:02:13,800

with the delightfully folksy

tale of the Whore of Omaha?

46

00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:17,400

I don't think she's a whore.

47
00:02:17,700 --> 00:02:19,400

No, yeah, she's definitely a whore.

48

00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:22,000

I mean, she has

absolutely no standards.

49

00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:23,900

This one time she was at...

50

00:02:24,700 --> 00:02:25,700

Where's Howard?

51

00:02:25,900 --> 00:02:28,700

Bonjour, mademoiselle.

I understand you're new in town.

52

00:02:30,500 --> 00:02:31,700

Oh, good grief.

53

00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:54,400

Season 1 Episode 7:

The Dumpling Paradox

1
00:03:00,700 --> 00:03:04,000

I cannot believe Christy

let Howard into my apartment.

00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:07,300

And I cannot believe people

pay for horoscopes,

00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:08,800

but on a more serious note,

00:03:08,900 --> 00:03:10,800

it's 8:13 and we're

still not playing <i>Halo</i>.

00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:15,100

Fine. We'll just play one-on-one

until he gets back.

00:03:15,300 --> 00:03:19,300

One-on-one? We don't play one-on-one.

We play teams, not one-on-one.

00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:20,600

One-on-one.
8

00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:25,600

The only way we can play teams

at this point is if we cut Raj in half.

00:03:25,900 --> 00:03:27,500

Sure, cut the foreigner in half.

10

00:03:27,700 --> 00:03:30,000

There's a billion more

where he came from.

11

00:03:30,700 --> 00:03:32,300

If you guys need a fourth, I'll play.

12

00:03:32,500 --> 00:03:34,300

- Great idea.

- No.

13

00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:37,900

The wheel was a great idea,

14

00:03:39,100 --> 00:03:40,500

relativity was a great idea.

15

00:03:40,700 --> 00:03:43,100

This is a notion,

and a rather sucky one at that.

16

00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:45,100

Why?

17

00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:46,000

Why?

18

00:03:46,300 --> 00:03:47,600

Oh, Penny, Penny, Penny.

19

00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:49,100

What, what, what?

20

00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:52,900

This is a complex battle simulation

with a steep learning curve.

21

00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:55,500

There are myriad weapons,

vehicles and strategies

22

00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:58,500

to master, not to mention

an extremely intricate backstory.

23

00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:02,200

Oh cool.

Whose head did I just blow off?

24

00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:04,200

Mine.

25

00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:07,900

Okay, I got this.

Lock and load, boys.

26

00:04:09,300 --> 00:04:11,000

It's the only way we can play teams.

27

00:04:11,300 --> 00:04:13,300

Yes, but whoever's her

partner will be hamstrung

28

00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:15,700

by her lack of experience,

and not to mention the fact...

29

00:04:15,900 --> 00:04:17,700

There goes your head again.

30

00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:22,300

It's not good sportsmanship

to shoot somebody who's just re-spawned.

31

00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:24,700

You need to to give them a chance to...

Now, come on!

32

00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:27,400

Raj, Raj!

She's got me cornered. Cover me!

33

00:04:27,700 --> 00:04:29,100

Cover this, suckers!

34

00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:34,400

- Penny, you are on fire!

- Yes, and so is Sheldon.

35

00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:39,200

Okay, that's it.

I don't know how, but she is cheating.

36

00:04:39,300 --> 00:04:42,700

No one can be that attractive

and this skilled at a video game.

37

00:04:43,100 --> 00:04:45,200

Wait, Sheldon, come back.

You forgot something.

38

00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:46,600

What?

39

00:04:46,900 --> 00:04:48,400

This plasma grenade.

40

00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:52,900

Look, it's raining you.

41

00:04:54,700 --> 00:04:57,700

You laugh now-- you just wait

until you need tech support.

42

00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:02,000

Gosh, he's kind of

a sore loser, isn't he?

43

00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:04,700

To be fair, he's also

a rather unpleasant winner.

44

00:05:05,900 --> 00:05:07,500

Well, it's been fun.

45

00:05:08,100 --> 00:05:09,500

We make such a good team.

46

00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:12,400

Maybe we could enter a couple

of <i>Halo</i> tournaments sometime.

47

00:05:13,100 --> 00:05:15,100

Or we could just have a life.

48

00:05:16,700 --> 00:05:18,800

I guess for you that's an option.

49

00:05:19,500 --> 00:05:20,900

- Good night.

- Good night.

50

00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:22,600

As usual, nice talking to you, Raj.

51

00:05:24,700 --> 00:05:26,500

What do you suppose

she meant by that?

52

00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:29,200

She's an enigma, Raj.

53

00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:32,800

And another thing-- there's

a certain ethic to the game, Penny,

54

00:05:32,900 --> 00:05:34,800

- a well- established...

- She's gone.

55

00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:37,600

She could have said good-bye.

56

00:05:38,900 --> 00:05:40,900

Okay, I have a problem.

57

00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:44,300

It's called carpal tunnel syndrome,

and quite frankly you deserve it.

58

00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:47,500

What's wrong?

59

00:05:48,100 --> 00:05:49,500

Howard and Christy are...

60

00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:52,100

kind of hooking up

in my bedroom.

61

00:05:54,300 --> 00:05:55,300

Are you sure?

62

00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:56,800

I grew up on a farm, okay?

63

00:05:56,900 --> 00:05:58,700

From what I heard,

they're either having sex

64

00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:00,700

or Howard's caught

in a milking machine.

65

00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:05,200

Do you mind if I stay here tonight?

66

00:06:05,500 --> 00:06:07,800

No, take the couch, or my bed.

67

00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:10,400

I just got new pillows.

Hypo-allergenic.

68

00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:12,800

The couch is good.

69

00:06:13,100 --> 00:06:15,200

Hold that thought.

Leonard, a moment.

70

00:06:19,500 --> 00:06:21,300

Let me guess.

You have a problem with this.

71

00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:24,000

- Where do I begin?

- It's up to you. Crazy person's choice.

72

00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:27,800

First, we don't have houseguests.

73

00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:30,800

Frankly, if I could afford

the rent, I'd ask you to leave.

74

00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:34,400

Your friendship means

a lot to me as well. What else?

75

00:06:34,900 --> 00:06:35,900

Well...

76
00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:38,900

our earthquake supplies.

We have a two-man, two-day kit.

77

00:06:39,100 --> 00:06:40,000

So?

78

00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:43,400

So if there's an earthquake

and the three of us are trapped here,

79

00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:46,200

we could be out of food

by tomorrow afternoon.

80

00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:49,400

I'm sorry, are you suggesting

that if we let Penny stay

81

00:06:49,500 --> 00:06:51,400

we might succumb to cannibalism?

82

00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:54,300

No one ever thinks it'll

happen until it does.

83

00:06:56,300 --> 00:06:58,600

If you promise not to

chew the flesh off our bones

84

00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:00,600

while we sleep, you can stay.

85

00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:05,000

- What?

- He's engaging in reductio ad absurdum.

86

00:07:06,700 --> 00:07:08,900

It's the logical fallacy

of extending someone's argument

87

00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:11,200

to ridiculous proportions

and then criticizing the result.

88

00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:13,100

And I do not appreciate it.

89

00:07:14,500 --> 00:07:16,600

I'll get you a blanket and a pillow.

90

00:07:17,300 --> 00:07:19,700

Okay, since I'm obviously

being ignored here,

91

00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:22,000

let's go over the morning schedule.

92

00:07:22,100 --> 00:07:24,100

I use the bathroom

from 7:00 to 7:20.

93

00:07:24,500 --> 00:07:26,700

Plan your ablutions and bodily

functions accordingly.

94

00:07:28,500 --> 00:07:30,500

How am I supposed to plan

my bodily functions?

95

00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:33,000

I suggest no liquids after 11:00 p.m.

96
00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:36,300

- Here you go.

- Thanks, Leonard.

97

00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:39,200

Wrong.

98

00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:43,800

I'm listening.

99

00:07:44,100 --> 00:07:45,800

Your head goes on the other end.

100

00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:48,800

- Why?

- It's culturally universal. A bed,

101

00:07:49,100 --> 00:07:50,200

even a temporary bed,

102

00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:53,000

is always oriented with the headboard

away from the door.

103
00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:57,300

It serves the ancient imperative

of protecting oneself against marauders.

104

00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:02,000

I'll risk it.

105

00:08:03,100 --> 00:08:04,400

Anything else should I know?

106

00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:06,300

Yes, if you use my toothbrush,

107

00:08:06,500 --> 00:08:08,100

I'll jump out that window.

108

00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:12,600

Please don't come to my funeral.

Have a good night.

109

00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:16,400

Sorry about that.

110

00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:18,300

- That's okay.

- FYI--

111

00:08:18,500 --> 00:08:22,000

his toothbrush is the red one in

the Plexiglas case under the UV light.

112

00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:23,600

Got it.

113

00:08:24,900 --> 00:08:26,500

- Sleep tight.

- Thanks

114

00:08:30,300 --> 00:08:32,400

Funny expression,

"sleep tight."

115

00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:37,100

It refers to the early

construction of beds

116

00:08:37,300 --> 00:08:39,600

which featured a mattress

suspended on interlocking ropes,

117

00:08:39,700 --> 00:08:41,300

which would occasionally...

118

00:08:41,700 --> 00:08:42,700

Sleep tight.

119

00:09:58,400 --> 00:09:59,600

What are you doing?

120

00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:05,100

Every Saturday

since we've lived in this apartment

121

00:10:05,300 --> 00:10:07,700

I have awakened at 6:15,

poured myself a bowl of cereal,

122

00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:09,600

added a quarter cup

of two percent milk,

123

00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:12,500

sat on this end of this couch,

turned on BBC America,

124

00:10:12,700 --> 00:10:14,200

and watched <i>Doctor Who</i>.

125

00:10:15,300 --> 00:10:16,800

Penny's still sleeping.

126

00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:20,000

Every Saturday

since we've lived in this apartment

127

00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:22,400

I have awakened at 6:15,

poured myself a bowl

128

00:10:22,500 --> 00:10:24,900

I know.

You have a TV in your room.

129

00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,000

Why don't you just have

breakfast in bed?

130
00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:30,700

Because I am neither an invalid,

nor a woman celebrating Mother's Day.

131

00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:34,000

What time is it?

132

00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:35,700

Almost 6:30.

133

00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:37,400

I slept all day?

134

00:10:38,700 --> 00:10:40,400

No, it's 6:30 in the morning.

135

00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:43,300

What the hell is your problem?

136

00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:47,300

Okay, this cereal has lost

all its molecular integrity.

137

00:10:47,500 --> 00:10:49,300

I now have a bowl

of shredded wheat paste.

138

00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:52,800

Hola, nerd-migos.

139

00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:58,500

Why do you people hate sleep?

140

00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:01,200

Are you wearing my robe?

141

00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:05,000

Yeah.

Sorry, I'll have it cleaned.

142

00:11:05,100 --> 00:11:06,700

That's okay, keep it.

143

00:11:08,300 --> 00:11:10,500

- Where's Christy?

- In the shower.

144

00:11:10,900 --> 00:11:13,000

By the way, where did you

get that loofah mitt?

145

00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:15,800

Yours reaches places

that mine just won't.

146

00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:21,800

You used my loofah?

147

00:11:22,500 --> 00:11:24,900

More precisely,

weused your loofah.

148

00:11:25,300 --> 00:11:27,200

I exfoliated her brains out.

149

00:11:29,900 --> 00:11:31,500

You can keep that, too.

150

00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:36,300

Then we'll probably need to talk

about your stuffed bear collection.

151
00:11:38,900 --> 00:11:40,100

In here, milady!

152

00:11:42,700 --> 00:11:44,700

Here's my little engine that could.

153

00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:52,300

There's one beloved

children's book I'll never read again.

154

00:11:53,100 --> 00:11:54,800

Hi. Christy.

155

00:11:56,100 --> 00:11:57,500

- I'm Sheldon.

- Right.

156

00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,100

You're Howard's entourage.

157

00:12:01,900 --> 00:12:03,500

So, Christy, what are your plans?

158

00:12:04,100 --> 00:12:07,000

Howard said he'd take

me shopping in Beverly Hills.

159

00:12:07,400 --> 00:12:10,200

Yeah, no, I meant plans to find

someplace to live.

160

00:12:10,300 --> 00:12:12,400

Other than with me.

Not that I don't love having you,

161

00:12:12,500 --> 00:12:14,100

but it's...

It's a little crowded.

162

00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:16,200

Penny, you're always

welcome to stay with us.

163

00:12:16,300 --> 00:12:19,100

Oh, terrific.

Now we're running a cute little B & B.

164

00:12:20,500 --> 00:12:22,500

Let me offer a little

outside-the-box thinking here.

165

00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:24,200

Why doesn't Christy stay with me?

166

00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:26,500

- You live with your mother.

- I do not.

167

00:12:26,700 --> 00:12:28,200

My mother lives with me.

168

00:12:29,500 --> 00:12:31,700

Then it's all settled.

Christy will stay with Howard,

169

00:12:31,900 --> 00:12:33,400

Penny can go back to her apartment,

170

00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:35,600

and I'll watch the last 24 minutes

of <i>Doctor Who</i>.

171

00:12:35,900 --> 00:12:38,900

Although at this point,

it's more like <i>Doctor Why Bother</i>?

172

00:12:40,300 --> 00:12:43,600

- Sheldon, you just can't dictate...

- No more talking! Everybody go!

173

00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:48,400

So what do you say?

Want to repair to Casa Wolowitz?

174

00:12:48,500 --> 00:12:50,800

What is that, like a Mexican deli?

175

00:12:51,300 --> 00:12:53,300

I'm sorry,

I should have mentioned this earlier.

176

00:12:53,500 --> 00:12:55,000

My last name is Wolowitz.

177

00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:58,000

That's so cool.

178
00:12:58,400 --> 00:12:59,500

My first Jew.

179

00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:06,800

I imagine there aren't very many

Kosher Cornhuskers.

180

00:13:09,300 --> 00:13:10,900

But you're still taking me shopping?

181

00:13:11,100 --> 00:13:12,100

Anything you want.

182

00:13:12,300 --> 00:13:14,200

Okay, I'll go pack my stuff.

183

00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:20,600

When they perfect human cloning,

I'm going to order 12 of those.

184

00:13:22,900 --> 00:13:24,600

Can't you see she's using you?

185

00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:27,900

Who cares? Last night,

she pulled off her blouse and I wept.

186

00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:31,100

I know her. Okay?

She'll have sex with anyone,

187

00:13:31,300 --> 00:13:33,300

as long as

they keep buying her things.

188

00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:35,300

- Really?

- Yeah.

189

00:13:39,500 --> 00:13:43,600

If you'll excuse me,

I have some Bar Mitzvah bonds to cash.

00:13:50,500 --> 00:13:53,300

I'm sorry, we cannot do this

without Wolowitz.

00:13:53,900 --> 00:13:56,500

We can't order Chinese

food without Wolowitz?

00:13:56,900 --> 00:13:59,500

Let me walk you through it.

Our standard order is:

00:13:59,700 --> 00:14:02,100

the steamed dumpling appetizer,

General Tso's chicken,

00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:04,000

beef with broccoli,

shrimp with lobster sauce

00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:05,700

and vegetable lo mein.

00:14:05,900 --> 00:14:07,500

Do you see the problem?

00:14:09,300 --> 00:14:10,700

I see a problem.

00:14:11,500 --> 00:14:14,900

Our entire order is predicated

on four dumplings and four entrees

10

00:14:15,100 --> 00:14:16,600

divided amongst

four people.

11

00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:22,200

- So, we'll just order three entrees.

- Fine.

12

00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:24,900

What do you want to eliminate?

And who gets the extra dumpling?

13

00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:26,600

We could cut it into thirds.

14

00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:29,000

Then it's no longer a dumpling.

Once you cut it open it is,

15

00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:31,000

at best, a very small open-faced

sandwich.
16

00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:34,000

Hi, fellas.

17

00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:38,000

Where's your annoying little friend

who thinks he speaks Mandarin?

18

00:14:38,900 --> 00:14:41,200

He's putting his needs ahead of

the collective good.

19

00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:43,600

Where he comes from,

that's punishable by death.

20

00:14:44,500 --> 00:14:46,200

I come from Sacramento.

21

00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:53,400

Can we get an order of dumplings

but with three instead of four?

22

00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:54,600

No substitutions.

23

00:14:55,500 --> 00:14:57,700

This isn't a substitution.

It's a reduction.

24

00:14:58,100 --> 00:14:59,600

Okay.

No reductions.

25

00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:03,700

Fine. Bring us three orders

of dumplings.

26

00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:06,100

- That's 12. We'll each have four.

- That works.

27

00:15:06,300 --> 00:15:08,800

If we fill up on dumplings,

we need to eliminate another entree.

28

00:15:09,100 --> 00:15:10,200

No eliminations.
29

00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:14,200

If we have extra,

we'll just take the leftovers home.

30

00:15:14,300 --> 00:15:17,800

And divide it how? I'm telling you,

we cannot do this without Wolowitz.

31

00:15:17,900 --> 00:15:19,600

Wolowitz is with his new girlfriend.

32

00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:22,200

If you had let me invite Penny,

then you would have had your fourth.

33

00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:24,000

Have you seen Penny

eat Chinese food?

34

00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:26,500

She uses a fork and she

double-dips her egg rolls.

35

00:15:27,300 --> 00:15:29,000

- We don't order egg rolls.

- Exactly,

36

00:15:29,100 --> 00:15:30,600

but we'd have to if she was here!

37

00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:32,200

Can we please

make a decision?

38

00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:34,200

Not only are there children

starving in India,

39

00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:36,000

there's an Indian starving right here.

40

00:15:38,300 --> 00:15:41,100

There's an idea. Why don't we

just go out for Indian food?

41

00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:44,000

You're nice boys.

42
00:15:44,300 --> 00:15:45,700

Tell you what I'm going to do.

43

00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:47,700

I'm going to bring you

the four dumplings.

44

00:15:47,900 --> 00:15:50,700

When I'm walking over to the

table, maybe I get bumped,

45

00:15:50,900 --> 00:15:53,700

one of the dumplings fall to the floor.

No one has to know.

46

00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:56,600

I'll know.

47

00:16:02,700 --> 00:16:05,100

- How about soup?

- Yeah, we can always divide soup.

48

00:16:05,300 --> 00:16:06,800

What about the wontons?

49

00:16:13,700 --> 00:16:14,800

Hey, guys, what's up?

50

00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:16,300

It's <i>Halo</i> night.

51

00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:22,000

So?

52

00:16:23,100 --> 00:16:26,100

With Wolowitz spending all of his time

with your friend Christy...

53

00:16:26,300 --> 00:16:29,900

She's not my friend. Friends do not get

their friends' Care Bears all sweaty.

54

00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:34,800

Right. Anyway, uh, with Wolowitz

occupied elsewhere,

55

00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:36,800

we had something

we wanted to ask you.

56

00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:39,600

Yes.

57

00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:45,600

We would very much appreciate it

58

00:16:45,700 --> 00:16:48,100

if you would be the fourth

member of our <i>Halo</i> team.

59

00:16:49,100 --> 00:16:52,700

I don't think I need to tell

you what an honor this is.

60

00:16:55,100 --> 00:16:58,300

That's so sweet, but I'm going out

dancing with a girlfriend.

61

00:16:58,700 --> 00:17:00,800

You can't go out;

it's <i>Halo</i> night.

62

00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:05,100

- Well, for Penny, it's dancing night.

- You go dancing every Wednesday?

63

00:17:05,300 --> 00:17:07,400

- No.

- Then that's not "dancing night."

64

00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:11,000

Why don't I play

with you guys tomorrow?

65

00:17:11,100 --> 00:17:14,200

Tonight is <i>Halo</i> night.

It's like talking to a wall.

66

00:17:15,500 --> 00:17:18,100

All right, now, Sheldon,

you and I are about to have a problem.

67

00:17:21,100 --> 00:17:23,100

Sheldon, remember,

we role-played this.

68

00:17:23,300 --> 00:17:25,800

Yes, but you didn't portray her

as completely irrational.

69

00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:28,700

All right, fellas,

I gotta go.

70

00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:29,900

But good luck.

71

00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:36,900

Maybe we should've asked if we could go

dancing with her and her girlfriend.

72

00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:39,200

Assuming we could dance--

which we can't--

73

00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:41,500

there are three of us

and two of them.

74

00:17:41,700 --> 00:17:42,500

So?

75
00:17:42,700 --> 00:17:45,200

It's the Chinese restaurant

all over again.

76

00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:48,100

I assure you that

cutting a dumpling in thirds

77

00:17:48,300 --> 00:17:50,100

is child's play compared with three men

78

00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:52,500

each attempting to dance

with 67% of a woman.

79

00:17:54,700 --> 00:17:58,000

For God's sakes, Sheldon,

you're driving me crazy!

80

00:17:58,300 --> 00:18:00,600

Your anger is not with me, sir,

but with basic mathematics.

81

00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:02,400

I'm pretty sure my anger is with you.

82

00:18:02,500 --> 00:18:05,200

What's happening to us?

We're falling apart.

83

00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:09,400

- Who are you calling?

- The only man who can restore

84

00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:11,900

any semblance of

balance to our universe.

85

00:18:12,500 --> 00:18:14,000

<i>Hi, this is Howard Wolowitz.</i>

86

00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:15,700

<i>And this is Christy Vanderbelt.</i>

87

00:18:15,900 --> 00:18:19,100

<i>We can't get to the phone

right now because we're having sex!</i>

88

00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:23,800

<i>You're not going to put that

on your message, are you?</i>

89

00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:26,500

<i>Nah, I'm just kidding.

I'll re-record it.</i>

90

00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:32,900

Sheldon, think this through.

You're going to ask Howard to choose

91

00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:34,200

between sex and <i>Halo</i>.

92

00:18:34,500 --> 00:18:38,000

No, I'm going to ask him to choose

between sex and <i>Halo Three</i>.

93

00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:40,600

As far as I know, sex

has not been upgraded

94

00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:43,800

to include Hi-Def graphics

and enhanced weapon systems.

95

00:18:44,100 --> 00:18:47,700

You're right, all sex has is nudity,

orgasms and human contact.

96

00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:49,400

My point.

97

00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:54,400

You can take the damn plastic

off the couch once in a while!

98

00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:56,600

Why, so you and Howard

can hump on it?!

99

00:18:58,500 --> 00:19:00,700

Ladies, ladies,

I'm sure there's a middle ground.

100

00:19:00,900 --> 00:19:02,200

Shut up, Howard!

101

00:19:03,700 --> 00:19:06,600

You guys talk. I'm gonna take

my scooter out for a little spin.

102

00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:09,100

You happy? You drove

your own son out of the house.

103

00:19:09,300 --> 00:19:10,700

Why don't you stop...

104

00:19:10,900 --> 00:19:12,200

What are you doing here?

105

00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:13,800

It's <i>Halo</i> night.

106

00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:15,900

He's not a man, he's a putz!

107

00:19:16,100 --> 00:19:18,500

And don't you take that tone with me,

you gold digger!

108

00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:20,300

- What'd you call me?

- You heard me!

109

00:19:20,500 --> 00:19:23,500

And I'll tell you something else,

you're barking up the wrong tree.

110

00:19:23,700 --> 00:19:26,700

'Cause as long as you're around,

Howard is out of the will!

111

00:19:26,900 --> 00:19:30,200

You know what?

I got better offers. I'm outta here.

112

00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:33,300

That's right.

Go back to Babylon, you whore!

113

00:19:37,300 --> 00:19:38,700

So, <i>Halo</i> night, huh?

114

00:19:41,300 --> 00:19:43,400

I thought she was the whore of Omaha.

115

00:19:49,500 --> 00:19:52,700

Sheldon, you got him in your sights!

Fire! He's charging his plasma rifle!

116

00:19:53,100 --> 00:19:54,600

I can't shoot now. I'm cloaking!

117

00:19:54,900 --> 00:19:56,900

- Raj! Kill Sheldon!

- I can't see him!

118

00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:59,400

That's why they call it

cloaking, dead man!

119

00:19:59,900 --> 00:20:02,300

- Start throwing grenades!

- I'm all out!

120

00:20:03,300 --> 00:20:05,400

Hey, guys.

My friends and I got tired of dancing,

121

00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:07,700

so we came over to

have sex with you.

122

00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:09,600

Raj, hop in the tank!

123

00:20:09,700 --> 00:20:12,300

- We said no tanks!

- There are no rules in hell!

124

00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:15,900

Son of a bitch. Med pack!

I need a med pack!

125

00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:18,800

Told ya.

126

00:20:19,900 --> 00:20:21,700

There's a sniper.

Use your rocket launcher!

127

00:20:21,900 --> 00:20:24,300

All I've got is a Needler

and I'm all out of ammo!

128

00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:26,300

And now you're out of life.

129

00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:29,700

Why'd you hit pause?

130

00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:32,400

I thought I heard... something.

131

00:20:32,700 --> 00:20:33,700

What?

132

00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:35,400

No, never mind.

Sorry. Go.

9999

00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00

<font color="#ffff00" size=14>www.tvsubtitles.net</font>

10000

00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:13,000

Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org

 The Big Bang Theory - 1x08 - The Grasshopper Experiment

00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000

Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org

00:00:08,797 --> 00:00:10,823

Damn you, walletnook.com!

00:00:12,679 --> 00:00:13,605

Problem?

00:00:13,759 --> 00:00:16,026

The online description

was completely misleading.

00:00:16,210 --> 00:00:18,791

They said:

"8 slots plus removable ID".

00:00:19,100 --> 00:00:21,975

To any rational person,

that would mean room for nine cards.

00:00:22,129 --> 00:00:26,065

But they don't tell you the removable ID

takes up one slot. It's a nightmare.

00:00:27,629 --> 00:00:32,030

Do you really need the Honorary Justice

League of American membership card?

00:00:33,378 --> 00:00:36,370

It's been in every wallet I've owned

since I was five.

00:00:37,112 --> 00:00:38,086

Why?

10

00:00:38,501 --> 00:00:41,202

It says,

"Keep this on your person at all times."

11

00:00:42,190 --> 00:00:44,347

It's right here

under Batman's signature.

12

00:00:46,498 --> 00:00:49,702

...and this is Leonard

and Sheldon's apartment.

13

00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:52,619

Guess whose parents

just got broadband.

14

00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:54,967

Leonard, may I present,

live from New Delhi,

15

00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:56,819

Dr. and Mrs. V. M. Koothrappali.

16

00:00:57,091 --> 00:00:59,116

<i>Hi!

Tilt up the camera up!</i>

17

00:00:59,314 --> 00:01:00,885

<i>I'm looking at his crotch.</i>

18

00:01:01,095 --> 00:01:02,214

Sorry, Papa.

19

00:01:02,419 --> 00:01:03,823

<i>Oh, that's much better. Hi.</i>

20

00:01:05,120 --> 00:01:07,107

And over here is Sheldon.

21

00:01:08,711 --> 00:01:09,914

He lives with Leonard.

22

00:01:10,341 --> 00:01:12,960

<i>That's nice.

Like Haroon and Tanvir.</i>

23

00:01:13,183 --> 00:01:14,641

Not like Haroon and Tanvir.

24

00:01:14,933 --> 00:01:16,195

<i>Such sweet young men.</i>

25

00:01:16,462 --> 00:01:19,664

<i>They just adopted the cutest

little Punjabi baby.</i>

26

00:01:20,065 --> 00:01:22,207

No, we're not like

Haroon and Tanvir.

27

00:01:23,247 --> 00:01:25,190

<i>So, are you boys academics

like our son?</i>

28

00:01:25,433 --> 00:01:26,286

Yes.

29

00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:29,099

<i>And your parents are comfortable

with your limited earning potential?</i>

30

00:01:29,274 --> 00:01:30,528

- Oh, yes.

- Not at all.

31

00:01:30,945 --> 00:01:32,381

Papa, please. Don't start.

32

00:01:32,563 --> 00:01:34,770

<i>It was just a question.

He's so sensitive.</i>

33

00:01:34,921 --> 00:01:37,333

That's my life. That's my friends.

Good to see you. Say good-bye.

34

00:01:37,545 --> 00:01:39,513

- Bye.

- <i>Wait! Wait!</i>

35

00:01:41,679 --> 00:01:43,512

<i>Before you go,

we have good news.</i>

36

00:01:43,705 --> 00:01:45,576

<i>Put the computer down

and gather your friends.</i>

37

00:01:50,712 --> 00:01:52,369

- What is it, Papa?

- <i>Friends!</i>

00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:57,500

Is it just me,

or does web chatting

00:01:57,600 --> 00:01:59,700

with your clothes on

seem a little pointless?

00:02:01,900 --> 00:02:03,300

<i>Do you rember Lalita Gupta?</i>

00:02:03,700 --> 00:02:07,400

The little fat girl that used to kick me

in the samosas and call me untouchable?

00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:10,600

<i>Yes. Well, now she's

a dental student at USC,</i>

00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:13,000

<i>so we gave her

your contact information.</i>

00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:14,800

Why did you do that?

00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:17,500

<i>You're 26 years old, Rajesh.

We want grandchildren.</i>

9
00:02:17,700 --> 00:02:21,100

- But, Papa, I'm not supposed...

- <i>Lalita's parents approved the match.</i>

10

00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:24,500

<i>If you decide on a spring wedding,

we can avoid monsoon season.</i>

11

00:02:24,900 --> 00:02:26,200

A spring wedding?!

12

00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:28,600

<i>It's up to you, dear.

We don't want to meddle.</i>

13

00:02:28,700 --> 00:02:30,600

If you don't want to meddle,

then why are you?

14

00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:33,400

If I may, your parents probably

don't consider this meddling.

15

00:02:33,500 --> 00:02:35,500

While arranged marriages

are no longer the norm,

16

00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:37,100

Indian parents continue to have

17

00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:39,600

a greater-than-average involvement

in their children's love lives.

18

00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:42,200

Why are you telling me

about my own culture?

19

00:02:43,300 --> 00:02:44,600

You seemed confused.

20

00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,700

Sorry, but with all due respect,

I really don't want to...

21

00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:50,400

<i>I'm sorry, darling.

We have to go.</i>

22
00:02:50,700 --> 00:02:52,000

Doogie Howser <i>is on.</i>

23

00:02:53,300 --> 00:02:55,300

<i>Grandma!

It's </i>Doogie <i>Time!</i>

24

00:02:55,900 --> 00:02:57,200

<i>- Bye-bye!

- Bye-bye!</i>

25

00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:02,100

I don't believe it.

26

00:03:02,300 --> 00:03:03,300

Neither do I.

27

00:03:03,500 --> 00:03:06,100

Doogie Howser's been off

the air for like 20 years.

28

00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:08,500

Actually,

I read somewhere
29

00:03:08,700 --> 00:03:10,800

that it's one of the most

popular programs in India.

30

00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:12,900

It might speak to a cultural aspiration

31

00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:15,100

to have one's children

enter the medical profession.

32

00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:16,300

I bet you're right.

33

00:03:16,500 --> 00:03:18,800

- I bet they loveScrubs.

- What's not to love?

34

00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:20,200

Excuse me! Hello?

35

00:03:20,900 --> 00:03:24,200

My parents are trying to marry me to

a total stranger. What am I going to do?

36

00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:26,300

I suggest you go through with it.

37

00:03:26,500 --> 00:03:27,400

What?!

38

00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:31,800

Romantic love as the basis for marriage

has only existed since the 19th century.

39

00:03:32,100 --> 00:03:34,400

Up until then,

arranged marriages were the norm,

40

00:03:34,500 --> 00:03:36,000

and it served society quite well.

41

00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:38,200

It's the entire premise

of <i>Fiddler on the Roof</i>.

42

00:03:38,300 --> 00:03:40,900

I'm not a big fan of musicals,

but I love that show.

43

00:03:41,300 --> 00:03:43,800

Me too.

Of course, it speaks to me culturally.

44

00:03:44,100 --> 00:03:46,500

Understandable, but there's

a universality to that story

45

00:03:46,700 --> 00:03:48,000

which transcends ethnicity.

46

00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:50,500

Let's not forget it's got

some really catchy tunes.

47

00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,300

- I know what I'm going to do.

- What?

48

00:03:54,500 --> 00:03:55,700

Find new friends.

49
00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:03,500

So who wants to rent <i>Fiddler</i>?

50

00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:05,400

No need, we have the special edition.

51

00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:10,200

Maybe we are like Haroon and Tanvir.

52

00:04:31,300 --> 00:04:34,600

Season 1 Episode 8:

The Grasshopper Experiment

00:04:35,500 --> 00:04:37,200

This is Dr. Sheldon Cooper.

00:04:37,500 --> 00:04:40,100

Yeah, I need to cancel

my membership to the planetarium.

00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:44,600

Well, I'm sorry, too,

00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:47,100

but there's just no room

for you in my wallet.

00:04:49,500 --> 00:04:50,500

I understand,

00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:53,200

but it was between you

and the Museum of Natural History,

00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:55,400

and frankly,

you don't have dinosaurs.

00:04:57,600 --> 00:04:59,000

I'll miss you, too. Bye-bye.

00:05:00,900 --> 00:05:04,100

Okay, I know you're texting about me

and I'd really like you to stop.

10

00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:09,200

Oh, dear,

I am rightly and truly screwed.

11

00:05:10,100 --> 00:05:12,000

Hey, I thought you were

finding new friends.

12

00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:13,700

I've got some feelers out.

13

00:05:14,500 --> 00:05:16,300

In the meantime, listen to this.

14

00:05:16,700 --> 00:05:18,900

Hi, Rajesh.

This is Lalita Gupta.

15

00:05:19,300 --> 00:05:22,300

Your mother gave my mother

your phone number to give to me.

16

00:05:22,500 --> 00:05:23,800

So, I'm calling you

17

00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:26,400

and... call me back. Bye.

18

00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:31,200

Can you believe how pushy she is?

19

00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:34,900

So don't call her.

20

00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:37,500

If I don't call her, I won't hear

the end of it from my parents.

21

00:05:37,700 --> 00:05:38,900

- So call her.

- How?

22

00:05:39,100 --> 00:05:40,500

You know I can't talk to women.

23

00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:42,600

I'm done.

Anybody else?

24

00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:45,100

- Give me the phone.

- Why?
25

00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:46,500

Just give it to me.

26

00:05:47,700 --> 00:05:49,800

- What are you doing?

- Don't worry. You'll thank me.

27

00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:53,200

Hello, Lalita?

Raj Koothrappali here.

28

00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:58,800

Yes, it is good

to talk to you, too.

29

00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:03,100

So what are you wearing?

30

00:06:06,300 --> 00:06:07,600

Oh, not important.

31

00:06:07,900 --> 00:06:10,400

So, anyhow,
when would you like to meet?

32

00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:13,300

Friday works for me!

33

00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,100

I'll call you with a time and place.

34

00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:20,200

But in the meantime,

keep it real, babe.

35

00:06:26,900 --> 00:06:28,300

You may now thank me.

36

00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:32,200

For what? Making me sound

like a <i>Simpsons</i> character?

37

00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:34,900

Next time make your own date.

38

00:06:35,100 --> 00:06:37,300

- I didn't want this one!

- Look on the bright side,

39

00:06:37,500 --> 00:06:39,700

she might turn out to be

a nice, beautiful girl.

40

00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,300

Great, then we'll get married,

I won't be able to talk to her

41

00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:45,200

and we'll spend the rest

of our lives in total silence.

42

00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:47,400

It worked for my parents.

43

00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:50,200

Hi, guys.

44

00:06:50,500 --> 00:06:51,900

I need some guinea pigs.

45

00:06:52,300 --> 00:06:56,100

There's a lab animal supply company

in Reseda you could try.

46

00:06:56,500 --> 00:06:58,600

But if your research is going

to have human applications,

47

00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:00,300

may I suggest white mice instead?

48

00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:03,000

Their brain chemistry

is far closer to ours.

49

00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:06,200

I swear to God, one day,

50

00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:08,700

I'm going to get the hang

of talking to you.

51

00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:11,400

His mom's been saying that for years.

52
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:15,100

What's up?

53

00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:17,900

I finally convinced the restaurant

to give me a bartending shift,

54

00:07:18,100 --> 00:07:19,700

so I need to practice mixing drinks.

55

00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:22,300

Great.

The key to acquiring proficiency

56

00:07:22,500 --> 00:07:24,000

in any task is repetition.

57

00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:25,900

With certain obvious exceptions.

58

00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:28,900

Suicide, for example.

59

00:07:31,300 --> 00:07:32,700

So, Leonard, how about it?

60

00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:38,400

We'd love to help you, but Raj

is going through some stuff right now,

61

00:07:38,700 --> 00:07:40,300

besides, he doesn't drink, so...

62

00:07:42,900 --> 00:07:43,900

Really?

63

00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:48,700

Raj is going through

some stuff right now

64

00:07:48,900 --> 00:07:50,800

and he'd like to take up drinking.

65

00:07:53,900 --> 00:07:56,300

Here you go, Leonard.

One Tequila Sunrise.

66

00:07:56,500 --> 00:07:57,500

Thank you.

67

00:07:58,000 --> 00:07:59,600

This drink is a wonderful example

68

00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:01,900

of how liquids with different

specific gravities

69

00:08:02,100 --> 00:08:04,000

interact in a cylindrical container.

70

00:08:06,100 --> 00:08:07,100

Thank you.

71

00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:09,700

Okay, Raj, what'll it be?

72

00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:13,800

Whatever you recommend.

73

00:08:14,100 --> 00:08:16,500

How about a Grasshopper?

I make a mean Grasshopper.

74

00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:18,600

Okay? Good. Coming up.

75

00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:20,500

Sheldon, what are you going to have?

76

00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:22,300

I'll have a Diet Coke.

77

00:08:23,900 --> 00:08:27,100

Can you please order a cocktail?

I need to practice mixing drinks.

78

00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:29,900

Fine.

I'll have a Virgin Cuba Libre.

79

00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:34,900

That's, rum and Coke

without the rum.

80

00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:36,200

Yes.
81

00:08:37,900 --> 00:08:38,900

So... Coke.

82

00:08:39,300 --> 00:08:40,200

Yes.

83

00:08:41,700 --> 00:08:43,200

And would you make it diet?

84

00:08:48,500 --> 00:08:49,800

There's a can in the fridge.

85

00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:54,200

A Cuba Libre traditionally comes

in a tall glass with a lime wedge.

86

00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:56,200

Then swim to Cuba.

87

00:08:58,900 --> 00:09:01,000

Bartenders are supposed

to have people skills.

88

00:09:04,300 --> 00:09:05,600

Raj, here you go.

89

00:09:06,100 --> 00:09:07,400

All right.

Who's next?

90

00:09:07,700 --> 00:09:09,800

I'd like to try

a Slippery Nipple.

91

00:09:14,900 --> 00:09:16,100

Okay, you're cut off.

92

00:09:18,900 --> 00:09:20,000

Anybody need a refill?

93

00:09:20,700 --> 00:09:22,000

Where did my life go, Penny?

94

00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:27,400

One day I'm a carefree bachelor,

and the next I'm married

95

00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:29,600

and driving a minivan

to peewee cricket matches

96

00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:31,400

in suburban New Delhi.

97

00:09:33,900 --> 00:09:35,100

Are you talking to me?

98

00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:37,200

Is the another Penny here?

99

00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:41,400

I had such plans.

I had dreams.

100

00:09:41,700 --> 00:09:45,000

I was going to be the Indira Gandhi

of particle astrophysics.

101

00:09:45,300 --> 00:09:47,100

But with a penis, of course.

102

00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:51,800

- Amazing.

- Ever since I was a little boy,

103

00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:54,100

my father wanted me to be

a gynecologist like him.

104

00:09:55,300 --> 00:09:58,800

How can I be a gynecologist?

I can barely look a woman in the eye!

105

00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:03,600

You know what?

106

00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:06,100

I'm not going to let my parents

control my future any longer.

107

00:10:06,300 --> 00:10:07,800

It's time for a showdown.

108

00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:10,200

Somebody give me a computer

with a webcam!

109

00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:14,200

Sweetie, I think

that's the Grasshopper talking.

110

00:10:14,500 --> 00:10:16,000

And it's about to tell my parents

111

00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:19,500

that I'm not riding an elephant

down the aisle with Lalita Gupta.

112

00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:21,100

Okay, calm down.

113

00:10:21,800 --> 00:10:23,700

No one can make you get married.

114

00:10:24,300 --> 00:10:26,400

Why don't you just meet this girl

and see what happens?

115

00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:29,200

Haven't you been listening to me?

I cannot talk to women.

116

00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:32,500

No, no, let's see

how long it takes him.

117

00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:35,100

Raj, honey,

118

00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:38,900

you say you can't talk to women,

but you've been talking to me.

119

00:10:39,100 --> 00:10:40,600

And now we'll never know.

120

00:10:42,300 --> 00:10:43,300

You're right.

121

00:10:44,900 --> 00:10:46,200

I am talking to you.

122

00:10:47,100 --> 00:10:48,600

Hello, Penny, how are you?

123

00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,600

- I'm fine.

- Okay, now I just need

124

00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:55,700

to make sure I have a Lalita

before I meet the Grasshopper.

125

00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:01,400

It's a sweet, green miracle.

126

00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:05,600

If you're going to drink on this date,

just promise me you won't overdo it.

127

00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:07,000

Overdo what?

128

00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:08,500

Happiness?

129

00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:10,800

Freedom?

130

00:11:11,300 --> 00:11:13,100

This warm glow inside of me

131

00:11:13,300 --> 00:11:16,100

that promises everything's

going to be all hunky-dunky?

132

00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:19,700

Yeah, that.

Why don't you bring her to my restaurant

133

00:11:19,900 --> 00:11:22,100

while I'm tending the bar

so I can keep an eye on you.

134

00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:25,900

What's the plan here?

135

00:11:26,100 --> 00:11:28,200

Let's say he meets her,

he likes her, they get married.

136
00:11:28,300 --> 00:11:30,900

What's he going to do,

stay drunk for the rest of his life?

137

00:11:31,100 --> 00:11:32,600

Worked for my parents.

00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:46,800

I can't believe I'm sitting here

next to little Lalita Gupta.

00:11:48,100 --> 00:11:49,300

Well, you are.

00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,200

Little Lalita.

00:11:52,100 --> 00:11:53,600

That's kind of fun to say.

00:11:53,900 --> 00:11:56,100

Little Lalita, little

Lalita, little Lalita.

6
00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:58,900

- You should try it.

- Oh, it's okay.

00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:04,000

You have lost so much weight.

00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:08,700

That must have been difficult for you

because you were so, so fat.

00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:11,600

Do you remember?

10

00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:13,500

Yes, I do.

11

00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:16,500

Of course you do.

Who could forget being that fat?

12

00:12:18,500 --> 00:12:19,600

I've been trying.

13
00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:22,600

So you're a dental student.

14

00:12:24,900 --> 00:12:28,100

Are you aware that dentists

have an extremely high suicide rate?

15

00:12:29,300 --> 00:12:31,400

Not as high as, say,

air traffic controllers,

16

00:12:31,500 --> 00:12:33,900

but there are far more dentists

than air traffic controllers,

17

00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:35,800

so in pure numbers,

you're still winning.

18

00:12:36,700 --> 00:12:37,700

Yay, me.

19

00:12:39,500 --> 00:12:42,000

Do you have a drink that will

make him less obnoxious?

20

00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:44,100

Drinks do not work that way.

21

00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:47,200

I'd say he's doing fine.

Look at her.

22

00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:50,800

The last girl my mom set me up with

had a mustache and a vestigial tail.

23

00:12:53,500 --> 00:12:55,100

- Sorry I'm late.

- What happened?

24

00:12:55,500 --> 00:12:57,500

Nothing.

I just really didn't want to come.

25

00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:02,200

Virgin diet Cuba Libre, please.

26

00:13:03,900 --> 00:13:06,200

In a tall glass

with a lime wedge.

27

00:13:07,500 --> 00:13:09,200

Oh, I'll wedge it right in there.

28

00:13:11,700 --> 00:13:13,000

So how's Koothrappali...

29

00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:14,700

Oh, my Lord.

30

00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:17,200

- What?

- That's Princess Panchali.

31

00:13:18,100 --> 00:13:19,700

I'm pretty sure her name's Lalita.

32

00:13:19,900 --> 00:13:23,400

No, no, Princess Panchali,

fromThe Monkey and the Princess.

33

00:13:24,500 --> 00:13:27,800

Oh, yeah. I tried to watch that online,

but they wanted my credit card.

34

00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:31,300

It's a children's story.

35

00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:32,800

Oh, no, it isn't.

36

00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:39,500

When I was a little boy and got sick,

which was most of the time,

37

00:13:39,700 --> 00:13:41,100

my mother would read it to me.

38

00:13:41,300 --> 00:13:44,200

It's about an Indian princess

who befriends a monkey

39

00:13:44,500 --> 00:13:47,600

who was mocked by all the other monkeys

because he was different.

40
00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:50,200

For some reason,

I related to it quite strongly.

41

00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:52,600

I know the reason.

42

00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:55,200

We all know the reason.

43

00:13:57,100 --> 00:13:58,600

Sheldon, what are you getting at?

44

00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:00,800

That woman looks

exactly like the pictures

45

00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:02,600

of Princess Panchali in the book.

46

00:14:03,100 --> 00:14:06,500

How often does one see a beloved

fictional character come to life?

47
00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:08,700

Every year at Comic-Con.

48

00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:11,300

Every day at Disneyland.

49

00:14:11,500 --> 00:14:13,900

You can hire Snow White

to come to your house.

50

00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:16,400

Of course, they prefer it

if you have a kid.

51

00:14:17,700 --> 00:14:19,500

Hey, guys.

This is Lalita Gupta.

52

00:14:19,700 --> 00:14:20,900

Lalita, this is Leonard

53

00:14:21,100 --> 00:14:23,000

and Sheldon

and Howard and Penny.

54

00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:25,400

Isn't it great?

She isn't fat anymore.

55

00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:29,200

"Forgive me, Your Highness,

for I am but a monkey,

56

00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:31,000

"and it is in my nature to climb.

57

00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:32,600

"I did not mean to gaze upon you

58

00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:34,300

as you comb your hair."

59

00:14:36,100 --> 00:14:37,100

I'm sorry?

60

00:14:37,500 --> 00:14:40,500

You are the living embodiment

of the beautiful Princess Panchali.

61

00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:42,500

Oh, no kidding.

62

00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:44,200

Who is that?

63

00:14:44,500 --> 00:14:46,900

A beloved character

from an Indian folktale.

64

00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:51,400

Us Indian or

"Come to our casino" Indian?

65

00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:54,700

You Indian.

66

00:14:55,900 --> 00:14:57,700

The resemblance is remarkable.

67

00:14:58,100 --> 00:14:59,900

I can practically smell

the lotus blossoms

68

00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:01,500

woven into your ebony hair.

69

00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:03,000

Well, thanks.

70

00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:05,700

I imagine you smell very nice, too.

71

00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:09,700

I shower twice a day and wash

my hands as often as I can.

72

00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:12,300

Really? So do I.

73

00:15:12,500 --> 00:15:14,600

But you're a dentist.

He's nuts.

74

00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:18,100

Don't be insulting, Rajesh.

75
00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:19,700

So, Sheldon,

76

00:15:20,300 --> 00:15:22,700

tell me more about this princess

you say I look like.

77

00:15:23,100 --> 00:15:26,800

It was said that the gods

fashioned her eyes out of the stars

78

00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:31,100

and that roses were ashamed to bloom

in the presence of her ruby lips.

79

00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:34,100

- Oh, my.

- Back off, Sheldon.

80

00:15:34,700 --> 00:15:35,500

What?

81

00:15:35,700 --> 00:15:38,600

If you do not stop hitting on my lady,

you'll feel the full extent of my wrath.

82

00:15:40,500 --> 00:15:41,700

I'm not hitting on her.

83

00:15:42,100 --> 00:15:43,500

And I am not your lady.

84

00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:45,300

And you have no wrath.

85

00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:49,700

You are my lady.

Our parents said so.

86

00:15:49,900 --> 00:15:52,400

We are, for all intents

and purposes, 100% hooked up.

87

00:15:52,900 --> 00:15:54,400

Let's get something straight here.

88

00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:57,400

The only reason I came tonight

was to get my parents off my case.

89

00:15:57,600 --> 00:16:00,200

I certainly don't need to be getting

this Old World crap from you.

90

00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:02,000

That's exactly the kind of spirit

91

00:16:02,100 --> 00:16:04,700

with which Princess Panchali

led the monkeys to freedom.

92

00:16:04,900 --> 00:16:07,100

- Screw Princess Panchali.

- You can't talk to me like that.

93

00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:08,800

But you're not Princess Panchali.

94

00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:11,300

Luckily for you--

she could have you beheaded.

95

00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:13,400

Sheldon, are you hungry?

96

00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:15,600

- I could eat.

- Let's go.

97

00:16:19,900 --> 00:16:21,000

What just happened?

98

00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:22,900

Beats the hell out of me.

99

00:16:23,100 --> 00:16:26,300

I'll tell you what happened. I just

learned how to pick up Indian chicks.

100

00:16:29,500 --> 00:16:31,600

<i>What are we supposed to say

to Lalita's parents?</i>

101

00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:34,600

<i>I play golf with her father.

I won't be able to look at him.</i>

102
00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:37,300

Maybe you should keep your eye

on the ball, Papa.

103

00:16:37,900 --> 00:16:39,200

<i>Oh, now you're a funny man.</i>

104

00:16:39,300 --> 00:16:41,200

<i>This is not funny, Mr. Funny Man.</i>

105

00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:43,500

Dr. and Mrs. Koothrappali,

106

00:16:43,700 --> 00:16:46,200

in all fairness,

it wasn't entirely Raj's fault.

107

00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:48,000

<i>This is a family matter, Sheldon.</i>

108

00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:49,200

I'm Leonard.

109

00:16:50,100 --> 00:16:52,000

Sorry.

You all look alike to us.

110

00:16:53,900 --> 00:16:56,000

But he's right, Papa.

Listen to him.

111

00:16:56,700 --> 00:16:59,000

You! You are the one

who ruined everything.

112

00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:00,800

<i>Who is it?

We can't see.</i>

113

00:17:01,100 --> 00:17:02,300

<i>Turn us.

Turn us!</i>

114

00:17:05,700 --> 00:17:08,500

Go ahead, tell my parents

why they won't have any grandchildren.

115

00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:11,500

How would I know?

Do you have a low sperm count?

116

00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:15,700

This has nothing to do

with my sperm count.

117

00:17:15,900 --> 00:17:18,600

<i>You are wearing the boxers

that we sent you, aren't you?</i>

118

00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:20,800

- Yes, Mumi.

- <i>Because you know what happens</i>

119

00:17:20,900 --> 00:17:23,200

<i>to the samosas

when you wear tighty-whities.</i>

120

00:17:24,500 --> 00:17:26,700

Can we please stop talking

about my testicles?

121

00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:28,700

Sheldon, tell them what you did.

122

00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:29,900

What did I do?

123

00:17:30,500 --> 00:17:31,800

You left with his date.

124

00:17:32,300 --> 00:17:34,100

Friends don't do that to each other.

125

00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:37,600

All right, noted.

126

00:17:39,900 --> 00:17:40,900

Sorry.

127

00:17:41,100 --> 00:17:42,800

Sorry?

That's all you can say is sorry?

128

00:17:43,100 --> 00:17:45,300

Take it.

It's more than I've ever gotten.

129
00:17:45,500 --> 00:17:46,500

May I point out,

130

00:17:46,700 --> 00:17:49,700

she wouldn't have asked me to go with

her if you hadn't been drunk and boring.

131

00:17:49,900 --> 00:17:52,200

- <i>Drunk?</i>

- And boring-- her words.

132

00:17:53,300 --> 00:17:56,000

<i>I knew it. He moves to America

and he becomes an alcoholic.</i>

133

00:17:56,300 --> 00:17:57,600

I'm not an alcoholic.

134

00:17:57,900 --> 00:17:59,300

<i>Then why were you drunk?</i>

135

00:17:59,900 --> 00:18:02,700

- It was just this one time, I swear.

- <i>Are you in denial?</i>

136

00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:04,900

<i>Do we have to come over

and do an intervention?</i>

137

00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:07,400

<i>Don't embarrass him

in front of his friends.</i>

138

00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:09,600

<i>All right.

Carry us outside.</i>

139

00:18:09,800 --> 00:18:11,600

<i>We want to talk to you in private.</i>

140

00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:14,000

- But, Papa, please...

- <i>Now, Rajesh!</i>

141

00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:19,700

I have to go.

142

00:18:22,100 --> 00:18:23,200

Now, listen to me...

143

00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:25,300

At least wait till I get into the hall.

144

00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:30,200

Okay, well, good night.

145

00:18:30,900 --> 00:18:31,800

Hold on.

146

00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:34,700

What happened

with you and Lalita?

147

00:18:35,500 --> 00:18:37,500

We ate,

she lectured me

148

00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:39,800

on the link between gum disease

and heart attacks--

149

00:18:39,900 --> 00:18:42,100

nothing I didn't already know--

and I came home.

150

00:18:42,900 --> 00:18:44,500

So you're not going

to see her again?

151

00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:46,700

Why would I see her again?

152

00:18:47,100 --> 00:18:48,700

I already have a dentist.

153

00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:57,800

I wonder who's going to tell his parents

they're not having grandchildren?

154

00:19:19,300 --> 00:19:21,100

I don't believe it.

What's gotten into him?

155

00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:24,100

Oh, maybe a couple

virgin Cuba Libres

156
00:19:24,300 --> 00:19:26,600

that turned out

to be kind of slutty.

157

00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:29,100

You didn't.

158

00:19:29,300 --> 00:19:31,500

You do your experiments.

I do mine.

9999

00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00

<font color="#ffff00" size=14>www.tvsubtitles.net</font>

10000

00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:13,000

Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org

 The Big Bang Theory - 1x09 - The Cooper-Hofstadter Polarization

00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000

Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org

00:00:00,529 --> 00:00:01,279

Ok...

00:00:03,147 --> 00:00:04,875

The X10's are online

00:00:05,262 --> 00:00:11,220

Gentlemen, I am now about to send a

signal from this laptop through our

local ISP

00:00:11,340 --> 00:00:15,373

racing down fibre optic cable at

the speed of light to San Fransisco,

00:00:15,493 --> 00:00:18,546

bouncing off a satellite in

geosynchronous orbit to

Lisbon, Portugal,
6

00:00:18,666 --> 00:00:21,576

where the data packets will be headed

off to submerge transatlantic cables,

00:00:21,606 --> 00:00:23,292

terminating in Halifax,

Nova Scotia

00:00:23,384 --> 00:00:26,697

and transfered across the continent

via microwave relays back to our ISP

00:00:26,817 --> 00:00:30,024

And the extend receiver

attached to this...

10

00:00:31,007 --> 00:00:31,860

Lamp.

11

00:00:34,844 --> 00:00:36,899

Look at me, look at me.

I've got goosebumps.

12

00:00:37,019 --> 00:00:39,804

- Are we ready for the stereo?

- Go for stereo.

13

00:01:01,556 --> 00:01:04,061

- Hey guys.

- Hello.

14

00:01:04,439 --> 00:01:05,763

It's a little loud.

15

00:01:05,888 --> 00:01:07,790

No problem... Turning it down.

16

00:01:08,436 --> 00:01:12,291

San Francisco, Lisbon, Halifax...

... et voil?

17

00:01:13,487 --> 00:01:17,282

- OK, thanks.

- Hang on, hang on. Do you not

realise what we just did?

18

00:01:17,537 --> 00:01:19,671

Yeah, you turned your stereo

down with your laptop.

19

00:01:19,996 --> 00:01:24,561

No, we turned our stereo down, by

sending a signal around the world via

the Internet.

20

00:01:25,887 --> 00:01:28,263

Oh. You know you can get one of those

universal remotes from Radioshack?

21

00:01:28,298 --> 00:01:29,742

They're really cheap.

22

00:01:31,097 --> 00:01:32,772

No, you don't get it. Howard,

23

00:01:32,898 --> 00:01:36,032

- Enable public access.

- Public access enabled.

24

00:01:39,945 --> 00:01:43,071

- Boy, that's terrific. I'll see ya.

- No hang on, hang on...

25
00:01:45,577 --> 00:01:46,462

See?

26

00:01:48,098 --> 00:01:48,731

No.

27

00:01:49,618 --> 00:01:53,431

Someone in Sichuan province,

China, is using his computer

28

00:01:53,556 --> 00:01:55,062

to turn our lights on and off.

29

00:01:56,438 --> 00:01:58,043

Oh, that's handy.

30

00:01:59,405 --> 00:02:01,392

Here's a question... Why?

31

00:02:03,098 --> 00:02:04,963

Because we can.

32

00:02:06,337 --> 00:02:08,653

They found our

remote control cars!

33

00:02:11,166 --> 00:02:14,471

- Wait, what's on top of that?

- Wireless webcams, wave hello!

34

00:02:15,446 --> 00:02:18,203

The monster truck is

out of Austin, Texas,

35

00:02:18,326 --> 00:02:21,893

and the blue Viper is being

operated from suburban Tel Aviv.

36

00:02:24,445 --> 00:02:27,071

- You may want to put on slacks.

- What?

37

00:02:29,808 --> 00:02:32,982

Ew, stop it! No!

Leave me alone!

38

00:02:36,467 --> 00:02:39,150

- Who's running the red Corvette?

- That would be me.

39

00:03:00,300 --> 00:03:02,600

Season 1 Episode 9:

The Cooper-Hofstadter Polarization

00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:06,500

You know in the future,

when we're disembodied brains in jars,

00:03:06,700 --> 00:03:09,400

we're going to look at this

as eight hours well wasted.

00:03:11,300 --> 00:03:14,600

I don't want to be in a jar.

I want my brain in an android body.

00:03:15,900 --> 00:03:17,700

Eight feet tall and ribbed.

00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:20,100

I'm with you.

00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:23,600

I just have to make sure if I'm a

synthetic human I'd still be Jewish.

00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:26,900

I promised my mother.

00:03:29,100 --> 00:03:32,700

I suppose you could have your

android penis circumcised.

00:03:34,700 --> 00:03:37,900

But that's something your rabbi would

have to discuss with the manufacturer.

10

00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:41,200

Not to mention you'd have

to power down on saturdays.

11

00:03:43,300 --> 00:03:45,600

Sheldon, why is this

letter in the trash?

12

00:03:45,700 --> 00:03:47,300

Well, there's always

the possibility that

13

00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:50,300

a trash can spontaneously

formed around the letter

14

00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:53,700

but Occam's rasor would suggest

that someone threw it out.

15

00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:57,900

It's from the Institute of

Experimental Physics, they want us to

16

00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:00,200

present our paper on the

properties of supersolids

17

00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:03,200

at the topical conference of

Bose-Einstein condensates.

18

00:04:03,300 --> 00:04:05,400

I know.

I read it before I threw it out.

19

00:04:07,100 --> 00:04:09,300

Ok, if I may drill down to

the bedrock of my question:

20

00:04:09,500 --> 00:04:10,800

why did you throw it out?

21

00:04:10,900 --> 00:04:14,600

Because I have no interest in standing

in the Rose room of the

Pasadena Marriot,

22

00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:16,900

in front of a group of

judgmental strangers

23

00:04:17,100 --> 00:04:20,500

who wouldn't recognise true genius if it

was standing in front of them giving

a speech.

24

00:04:21,500 --> 00:04:23,000

Which if I were there,

would be.
25

00:04:24,300 --> 00:04:25,500

I don't know Sheldon.

26

00:04:25,500 --> 00:04:28,900

Those topical conferences on

Bose-Einstein condensates' parties

are legendary

27

00:04:29,700 --> 00:04:33,100

- Forget the parties!

- Forget the parties? What a nerd.

28

00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:37,800

Are there any other honours I've

got that I don't know about?

29

00:04:37,900 --> 00:04:40,700

Did the UPS dropped off a

Nobel prize with my name on it?

30

00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:44,100

Leonard, please don't take this the

wrong way, but the day you win a

Nobel prize,
31

00:04:44,100 --> 00:04:48,200

is the day I begin my research on the

drag coefficient of tassles on

flying carpets.

32

00:04:50,500 --> 00:04:53,000

The only thing missing from

that insult was: "your mama".

33

00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:55,800

I got one... Hey Leonard,

34

00:04:55,900 --> 00:04:59,200

- Your mama's research methodology is so flawed...

- Shut up, Howard.

35

00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:02,900

- Sheldon, we have to do this.

- No, we don't.

36

00:05:02,900 --> 00:05:05,300

We have to take a nourishment,

to expel waste,

37
00:05:05,300 --> 00:05:07,900

and inhale enough oxygen to

keep our cells from dying.

38

00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:09,400

Everything else is optional.

39

00:05:10,500 --> 00:05:12,500

Ok, let me put it this way:

I'm doing it.

40

00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:14,800

You can't. I'm the lead author.

41

00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:18,700

Come on, the only reason you're the lead

author is because we

went alphabetically.

42

00:05:18,700 --> 00:05:21,200

I let you think we went

alphabetically to spare you

43

00:05:21,300 --> 00:05:23,700

the humiliation with dealing with

the fact that it was my idea.

44

00:05:23,700 --> 00:05:26,800

Now to put too fine a point to it,

but I was throwing you a bone.

45

00:05:27,700 --> 00:05:28,700

You're welcome.

46

00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:32,600

Excuse me, I designed the experiment

that proved the hypothesis.

47

00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:34,500

That doesn't mean proving.

48

00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:38,200

So the entire scientific community

is just supposed to take your word?

49

00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:40,200

They're not supposed to,

but they should.

50
00:05:41,300 --> 00:05:42,900

Alright, I don't

care what you say.

51

00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:45,300

I'm going to the conference

and I'm presenting our findings

52

00:05:45,300 --> 00:05:47,200

And I forbid it.

53

00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:49,200

You forbid it?

54

00:05:49,300 --> 00:05:51,800

If I'm not taking credit

for our work then nobody is.

55

00:05:51,900 --> 00:05:54,100

- So, you admit that it's our work.

- No.

56

00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:56,300

Once again,

I'm throwing you a bone.

57

00:05:57,100 --> 00:05:58,800

And once again,

you are welcome.

58

00:06:07,900 --> 00:06:11,000

So, how's it going with Sheldon? Are you

guys still not talking to each other?

59

00:06:11,100 --> 00:06:12,700

Not only is he still

not talking to me,

60

00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:16,500

but there's this thing he does where he

stares at you and tries to get your

brain to explode.

61

00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:21,600

You know, like in the classic

sci-fi movie "Scanners"?

62

00:06:22,300 --> 00:06:23,800

Like... . Bzzz.
63

00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:26,800

Nevermind.

64

00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:28,500

How about this one?

65

00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:32,600

It says, I know my physics,

but I'm still a fun guy.

66

00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:36,400

Oh, I didn't know they

still made corduroy suits.

67

00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:38,700

They don't,

that's why I saved this one.

68

00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:42,600

Ok, well,

let's just see what else you have.

69

00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:44,900

Ok, here. Take this.

70

00:06:45,100 --> 00:06:49,000

And this, and this,

and this, and these...

71

00:06:49,100 --> 00:06:50,700

Is this all stuff you

want me to try on?

72

00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:52,600

No, this is stuff I

want you to throw out.

73

00:06:53,700 --> 00:06:57,300

Seriously, don't even give it to

charity, you won't be helping anyone.

74

00:06:58,200 --> 00:06:59,700

What's this?

75

00:07:00,100 --> 00:07:02,600

That's the bottled

city of Kandor.

76
00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:09,400

You see, Kandor was the capital

city of the planet Krypton.

77

00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:12,300

It was miniaturised by Brainiac

before Krypton exploded

78

00:07:12,300 --> 00:07:14,200

and then rescued by Superman.

79

00:07:15,300 --> 00:07:17,300

Oh, nice.

80

00:07:18,500 --> 00:07:21,200

It's a lot cooler when

girls aren't looking at it.

81

00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:25,400

Here, why don't you put these while

I find a shirt and a sport cut match.

82

00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:26,400

Right, be right back.

83

00:07:26,500 --> 00:07:28,200

Where are you going?

Just put them on.

84

00:07:28,300 --> 00:07:29,200

Here?

85

00:07:29,300 --> 00:07:31,100

Oh, are you shy?

86

00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:33,700

- No, I'm not shy.

- Don't worry I won't look.

87

00:07:33,900 --> 00:07:35,600

I know you won't look.

Why would you look?

88

00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:37,100

There's nothing to see...

Well, not 'nothing'...

89

00:07:37,100 --> 00:07:39,600

Sweetie, put the pants on.

90

00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:44,000

So, you know, isn't there maybe

some way you and Sheldon could

91

00:07:44,100 --> 00:07:47,500

- compromise on this whole presentation thing?

- No, No.

92

00:07:47,700 --> 00:07:49,300

Scientists do not compromise.

93

00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:51,500

Our minds are trained

to synthetize facts

94

00:07:51,500 --> 00:07:53,400

and come to

inarguable conclusions.

95

00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:56,600

Not to mention,

Sheldon is back-crap crazy.

96
00:07:59,700 --> 00:08:01,200

What is this?

97

00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:03,300

Oh, careful.

98

00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:07,300

That's my original series

Battlestar Galactica flight suit.

99

00:08:07,700 --> 00:08:10,000

Oh, why didn't you

wear it on Halloween?

100

00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:12,400

Because it's not a costume,

it's a flight suit.

101

00:08:15,700 --> 00:08:17,800

Ok, alright, moving on.

102

00:08:17,900 --> 00:08:20,100

Oh, wow. A paisley shirt.

103
00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:22,800

It goes with my corduroy suit.

104

00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:26,100

If you mean it should end up in

the same place, then I agree.

105

00:08:27,500 --> 00:08:29,600

Is this your only tie?

106

00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:33,500

Technically, yes.

But, if you'll notice...

107

00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:36,200

It's reversible!

108

00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:40,100

So it works as two.

109

00:08:40,100 --> 00:08:43,000

Sweetie, I don't even

think it works as one.

110
00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:46,500

- Is this all your clothes?

- Eh, yeah.

111

00:08:46,500 --> 00:08:48,400

Everything since

the eighth grade.

112

00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:51,400

- The eighth grade?

- My last growth sprout

113

00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:56,600

Ok, well,

let's go back to the curdoroy suit.

114

00:08:56,600 --> 00:08:58,600

- Great.

- Yeah.

115

00:09:00,200 --> 00:09:02,100

I said no. Put it down.

116

00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:10,000

Hey Sheldon.
117

00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:11,500

Hello Penny.

118

00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:15,000

Get anything good?

119

00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:20,100

Just the latest copy of Applied

Particle Physics quarterly.

120

00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:23,400

Oh, you know, that is so weird

that yours came and mine didn't.

121

00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:30,700

It was a joke.

122

00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:36,900

Yep.

123

00:09:37,100 --> 00:09:39,500

Tip you waitresses.

I'm here all week.

124

00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:42,700

Penny, just to save you

from further awkwardness,

125

00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:46,200

know that I'm perfectly comfortable with

the two of us climbing the stairs

in silence.

126

00:09:46,500 --> 00:09:49,000

Oh, yeah ok, me too.

Zip it, lock it.

127

00:09:51,700 --> 00:09:52,900

Put it in your pocket.

128

00:09:57,300 --> 00:09:59,800

- So, you and Leonard...

- Oh dear God...

129

00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:02,100

Little misunderstanding, huh?

130
00:10:02,700 --> 00:10:04,000

A little misunderstanding... ?

131

00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:07,400

Galileo and the Pope had

a little misunderstanding.

132

00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:14,800

Anyway, I was talking to Leonard this

morning and I think he feels really bad

about it.

133

00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:18,600

How do you feel?

134

00:10:19,900 --> 00:10:21,400

I don't understand

the question.

135

00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:26,100

I'm just asking if it's difficult to

be fighting with your best friend.

136

00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:29,400

I haven't thought
about it like that.

137

00:10:29,700 --> 00:10:32,600

I wonder if I've been experiencing

physiological manifestations

138

00:10:32,700 --> 00:10:35,300

of some sort of unconscious

emotional turmoil

139

00:10:36,700 --> 00:10:37,700

Wait, what?

140

00:10:37,900 --> 00:10:39,700

I couldn't poop this morning.

141

00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:47,100

You should just talk to him,

I'm sure you guys can work this out.

142

00:10:47,500 --> 00:10:50,300

- Certainly preferable to my plan.

- Which was?

143
00:10:50,700 --> 00:10:52,100

A powerful laxative.

144

00:10:54,300 --> 00:10:56,500

You absolutely

should talk to him.

145

00:10:56,700 --> 00:10:59,300

Look, I know Leonard values you as

a friend and he told me himself

146

00:10:59,300 --> 00:11:02,800

without your little idea there's no way

he could come up with this whole

experiment thing.

147

00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:08,800

Excuse me. "Little idea"?

148

00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:10,800

Yeah, I mean he tried

to explain it to me,

149

00:11:10,900 --> 00:11:12,700

- I didn't really understand it but...

- Of course you didn't.

150

00:11:12,700 --> 00:11:14,300

He said: "Little idea"?

151

00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,500

Oh, well, no... Not...

152

00:11:17,700 --> 00:11:20,000

- Not in those words.

- In what words then, exactly?

153

00:11:20,500 --> 00:11:23,500

Oh, you know... Gee. The exact words

are... It's more the spirit in which

he said...

154

00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:26,000

- What did he say?

- You had a lucky hunch

155

00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:30,100

Hey, Sheldon, I've been thinking,

instead of arguing about this...

156

00:11:30,100 --> 00:11:32,100

Don't you ever

speak to me again.

157

00:11:34,700 --> 00:11:35,700

What... ?

158

00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:50,900

Ok, I'm leaving

for the conference.

159

00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:53,600

Have fun presenting

my "lucky hunch"

160

00:11:53,700 --> 00:11:55,400

Shel, I didn't

mean it like that.

161

00:11:55,500 --> 00:11:57,300

- Then why did you say it?

- I don't know, I wasn't...

162

00:11:57,300 --> 00:12:01,100

- Were you trying to impress Penny?

- No, no, not at all. A little bit.

163

00:12:02,300 --> 00:12:04,100

How did that work out for you?

164

00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:07,900

- Leonard, ready to go?

- Libido: 1 Truth: 0.

165

00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:12,100

Ok, I'm gonna ask

you one more time.

166

00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:14,700

We did the work together,

let's present the paper together.

167

00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:16,600

And I'm telling you

for the last time,

168

00:12:16,700 --> 00:12:19,600

it's pandering,

it's undignifying, and bite me.

169

00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:23,000

Let's go.

170

00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:25,100

- Bye Sheldon.

- Goodbye Penny.

171

00:12:36,300 --> 00:12:37,900

One of these days... bshh!

172

00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:42,400

There you go.

173

00:12:42,700 --> 00:12:44,300

You're right this side

does look better.

174

00:12:44,500 --> 00:12:47,200

No, no, I didn't say better,

I said "less stained".

175

00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:52,200

I just checked the house.

There's probably 20-25 people in there.

176

00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:53,900

- You're kidding!

- Is that all?

177

00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:57,400

"All? " In particle

physics 25 is Woodstock!

178

00:13:00,700 --> 00:13:02,800

- Then good!

- I wasn't expecting such a crowd,

179

00:13:02,900 --> 00:13:03,900

I'm all nervous.

180

00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:06,200

It's ok, just open with a joke,

you'll be fine.

181

00:13:06,500 --> 00:13:08,400

A joke... Ok.

182
00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:11,300

How about this? Um, ok...

183

00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:12,900

There's this farmer

184

00:13:13,100 --> 00:13:16,900

and he has these chickens but

they won't lay any eggs, so...

185

00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:19,000

He calls a physicist to help.

186

00:13:19,300 --> 00:13:22,000

The physicist then does

some calculations,

187

00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:25,600

and he says:

"I have a solution,

188

00:13:25,900 --> 00:13:30,200

but it only works for spherical

chickens in a vacuum".
189

00:13:32,700 --> 00:13:33,700

Right?

190

00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:40,700

Oh, sorry,

I just had heard it before.

191

00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:44,400

- Let's roll. Hey, nice suit.

- It's a classic, right?

192

00:13:45,900 --> 00:13:48,300

I really should have

brought my own car.

00:13:51,300 --> 00:13:52,900

So, in conclusion,

00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:55,800

the data show that at temperatures

approaching absolute zero,

00:13:55,900 --> 00:13:59,400

the moment of inertia changes,

and a solid becomes a supersolid,

00:13:59,500 --> 00:14:03,600

which clearly appears to be a

previously unknown state of matter.

00:14:06,500 --> 00:14:07,600

Thank you!

00:14:12,700 --> 00:14:14,800

- Are there any questions?

- Yeah.

00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:16,800

What the hell was that?

00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:20,500

Any other questions?

00:14:21,100 --> 00:14:25,600

Doctor Sheldon Cooper here, I am the

lead author of this particular paper.

10

00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:28,400

Thank you.

11

00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:34,800

And you sir, you have completely skipped

over the part where I was walking

through the park

12

00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:38,200

and I saw these children on a

merry-go-round which started me thinking

13

00:14:38,300 --> 00:14:41,100

about the moment of inertia

in gases like helium

14

00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:43,100

at temperatures

approaching absolute zero.

15

00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:46,100

I didn't skip it.

It's just an anecdote, it's not science.

16

00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:49,200

Oh, I see. It was the apple

falling on Newton's head,

17

00:14:49,300 --> 00:14:51,900

- was that just an anecdote?

- You are not Isaac Newton.

18

00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:55,300

No, no, that's true. Gravity would have

been apparent to me without the apple.

19

00:14:56,100 --> 00:14:57,800

You cannot possibly

be that arrogant.

20

00:14:57,900 --> 00:15:00,300

You continue to underestimate me,

my good man.

21

00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:04,700

Look, if you weren't happy with my

presentation then maybe you should have

given it with me!

22

00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:06,800

As I have explained repeatedly,

unlike you,

23

00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:09,200

I don't need validation

from lesser minds.

24

00:15:09,300 --> 00:15:10,100

No offense.

25

00:15:10,700 --> 00:15:11,900

Really, so why did you come?

26

00:15:11,900 --> 00:15:13,300

Because I knew

you'd screw this up.

27

00:15:13,300 --> 00:15:14,700

I didn't screw it up!

28

00:15:14,700 --> 00:15:17,100

Oh, please.

I admit that spherical chicken joke,

29

00:15:17,100 --> 00:15:18,100

- that was hilarious.

- Thank you.

30

00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:20,100

But it was straight

downhill from there.

31

00:15:20,300 --> 00:15:22,400

I've had enough of

your condescendship.

32

00:15:22,500 --> 00:15:25,400

Maybe I didn't go to college

when I was 11 like you.

33

00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:28,900

Maybe I got my doctorate

at 24 instead of 16

34

00:15:28,900 --> 00:15:30,600

but you are not the only

person who is smarter than

35

00:15:30,700 --> 00:15:32,100

everyone else in this room!

36

00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:34,000

No offense.

37

00:15:36,100 --> 00:15:37,900

And I am clearly

not the only person

38

00:15:37,900 --> 00:15:39,700

who is tormented by insecurity

39

00:15:39,700 --> 00:15:41,800

and has an ego in need

of constant validation!

40

00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:43,500

So you admit you're an egotist?

41

00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:44,500

Yes!

42

00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:48,900

My name is doctor Leonard Hofstadter

and I can never please my parents so

43

00:15:48,900 --> 00:15:51,300

I need all my self esteem

from strangers like you!

44

00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:52,400

But he's worse!

45

00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:54,300

Ok, that's it!

46

00:15:54,700 --> 00:15:55,300

Stop it!

47

00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:00,600

You cannot blow up my

head with your mind!

48

00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:02,500

Then I'll settle

for your aneurism!

49

00:16:03,100 --> 00:16:04,700

- Stop it!
- You hit me!

50

00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:05,900

You saw that he hit me!

51

00:16:06,100 --> 00:16:07,600

You tried to blow up my head!

52

00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:08,500

So it was working!

53

00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:10,900

It wa... It was not!

You're a nutcase!

54

00:16:10,900 --> 00:16:11,900

We'll see about that!

55

00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:13,300

Heads up,

you people in the front row!

56

00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:14,600

This is a splash zone!

57

00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:16,400

Stop it!

58

00:16:16,900 --> 00:16:17,400

Just quit it!

59

00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:25,800

Is this usually how

these physics things go?

60

00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:27,500

More often than you think.

61

00:16:44,100 --> 00:16:45,900

You could have offered

me a ride home.

62

00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:49,500

You're lucky I

didn't run you over.

63

00:16:50,700 --> 00:16:52,500

I really don't understand

what you're so unhappy about.

64

00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:54,200

You begged me to come, I came.

65

00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:55,400

There's just no pleasing you.

66

00:16:56,400 --> 00:16:59,000

You're right, I'm the problem,

I'm the one that needs help.

67

00:16:59,500 --> 00:17:01,600

Well, that's not much of an

apology but I'll take it.

68

00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:04,000

Excuse me,

69

00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:06,800

is there anything you

would apologise for?

70

00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:09,100

Yes.

71

00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:12,400

I'm sorry I tried to

blow up your head.

72

00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:15,400

It was uncalled for.

73

00:17:16,900 --> 00:17:17,900

You won't believe this.

74

00:17:17,900 --> 00:17:20,800

Somebody got the whole thing with

their cell phone and put it on YouTube!

75

00:17:21,900 --> 00:17:22,500

What?

76

00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:26,500

- Who would do that?

- That would be me.

77

00:17:28,300 --> 00:17:30,000

Hey, check it out,

it's a featured video!

78

00:17:30,100 --> 00:17:32,000

He hit me!

You saw that he hit me!

79

00:17:33,100 --> 00:17:36,100

- Then it was working!

- It was not working! You're a nutcase!

80

00:17:36,100 --> 00:17:37,100

We will see about that!

81

00:17:37,100 --> 00:17:38,400

You people in the

front row heads up!

82

00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:39,700

This is splash zone

83

00:17:41,300 --> 00:17:43,900

Stop it! Leave it, leave it!

84
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:48,900

You want a volcano nerve pinch!

85

00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:53,000

You should clip your fingernails!

Those hurt!

86

00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:57,700

Oh, Jeez.

does this suit really look that bad?

87

00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:00,700

Forget your suit,

look at my arms waving.

88

00:18:00,700 --> 00:18:02,300

I'm like a flamingo on Ritalin.

89

00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:06,100

Howard,

90

00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:08,800

would you like to explain to

me why your Facebook page

91

00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:11,100

has a picture of me sleeping

on your shoulder captioned

92

00:18:11,100 --> 00:18:12,500

"me and my girlfriend"?

93

00:18:14,900 --> 00:18:16,900

Uh oh, here comes the talk.

9999

00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00

<font color="#ffff00" size=14>www.tvsubtitles.net</font>

10000

00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:13,000

Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org

 The Big Bang Theory - 1x10 - The Loobenfeld Decay

00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000

Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org

00:00:01,200 --> 00:00:05,100

No, see, the liquid metal Terminators

were created in the future by Skynet,

00:00:05,100 --> 00:00:07,100

and Skynet was developed by Miles Dyson,

00:00:07,200 --> 00:00:11,100

but that future no longer exists

due to Dyson's death in <i>Terminator 2</i>.

00:00:11,500 --> 00:00:13,700

Okay, then riddle me this:

00:00:14,300 --> 00:00:18,700

Assuming all the good Terminators were

originally evil Terminators created by Skynet

00:00:18,700 --> 00:00:21,100

but then reprogrammed by

the future John Connor,

00:00:21,100 --> 00:00:23,900

why would Skynet,

an artificial computer intelligence,

00:00:23,900 --> 00:00:27,900

bother to create a petite, hot,

17-year-old killer robot?

00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:31,700

Skynet is kinky?

10

00:00:31,700 --> 00:00:33,100

I don't know...

11

00:00:33,300 --> 00:00:36,400

Artificial intelligences

do not have teen fetishes.

12

00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:38,200

Allright. Wait! They use it to...

13
00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:40,400

Too late. I win.

14

00:00:55,700 --> 00:00:57,900

What the hell is that?

15

00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:01,500

I don't know,

but if cats could sing...

16

00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:04,000

they'd hate it, too.

17

00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:14,300

Hey, guys!

18

00:01:15,500 --> 00:01:16,500

- Hi! Where you going?

19

00:01:16,500 --> 00:01:17,300

- What?

20

00:01:17,300 --> 00:01:20,700

We just had to mail

some letters...

21

00:01:20,700 --> 00:01:21,500

and...

22

00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:24,000

throw away some chicken.

23

00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:43,000

You'll never guess

what just happened.

24

00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:44,000

I give up.

25

00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:45,000

I don't guess.

26

00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:49,000

As a scientist, I reach conclusions based

on observation and experimentation.

27

00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:50,600

Although as I'm saying this,

28

00:01:50,600 --> 00:01:55,100

it occurs to me you may have been employing

a rhetorical device rendering my response moot.

29

00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:57,200

- What was that?

30

00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:59,300

- Believe it or not, personal growth.

31

00:01:59,700 --> 00:02:00,700

What happened?

32

00:02:00,700 --> 00:02:03,200

Allright, remember when I auditioned

for that workshop production of <i>Rent</i>,

33

00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:05,000

but I didn't get it

and I couldn't figure out why.

34

00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:07,000

I have a conclusion
based on an observation.

35

00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:08,100

No, you don't.

36

00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:09,400

No, he doesn't.

37

00:02:10,300 --> 00:02:11,900

Well, the girl they picked to play Mimi...

38

00:02:11,900 --> 00:02:13,800

she dropped out,

and they asked me to replace her.

39

00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:14,900

Congratulations.

40

00:02:14,900 --> 00:02:15,900

What a lucky break.

41

00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:17,900

It's not a big deal,

just a one-night showcase,

42

00:02:17,900 --> 00:02:20,100

but they invite a lot of casting people and agents.

43

00:02:20,100 --> 00:02:21,000

So, you never know.

44

00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:21,800

- I think I know.

45

00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:23,200

- No, you don't.

46

00:02:23,900 --> 00:02:25,200

He doesn't.

47

00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:26,400

It's this Friday at 8:00.

48

00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:27,300

Do you guys want to come?

49

00:02:27,300 --> 00:02:28,500

No!

50

00:02:30,300 --> 00:02:31,400

Because...

51

00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:36,900

Friday we are attending a symposium

on molecular positronium.

52

00:02:36,900 --> 00:02:38,700

I think that's a week from Tuesday,

at 6:00.

53

00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:40,500

No, it's this Friday.

54

00:02:40,500 --> 00:02:42,300

At 8:00.

55

00:02:42,800 --> 00:02:43,700

Oh, too bad.

56

00:02:43,700 --> 00:02:44,800

I gotta get to rehearsal.

57

00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:45,800

- See you guys.

- See ya.

58

00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:53,100

You just lied to Penny.

59

00:02:53,100 --> 00:02:54,000

- Yes, I did.

60

00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:58,400

- And you did it so casually--

no rapid breathing, no increase in perspiration...

61

00:02:58,700 --> 00:02:59,400

So?

62

00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:02,000

So, lack of a physiological

response while lying

63

00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:04,700

is characteristic
of a violent sociopath.

64

00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:07,400

Sheldon, are you worried

about your safety?

65

00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:09,500

No, I imagine if you

were going to kill me,

66

00:03:09,500 --> 00:03:11,200

you'd have done it

a long time ago.

67

00:03:12,100 --> 00:03:13,600

That's very true.

68

00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:56,000

Season 1 Episode 10:

The Loobenfeld Decay

69

00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:02,000

Leonard?

70
00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:04,400

What?

71

00:04:06,300 --> 00:04:08,100

I need to speak to you.

72

00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:09,800

- It's 2:00 in the morning!

73

00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:10,900

- It's important.

74

00:04:10,900 --> 00:04:13,300

I highly doubt that.

75

00:04:13,900 --> 00:04:15,300

Go away!

76

00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:21,200

Are you still out there?

77

00:04:22,100 --> 00:04:23,600

Yes.
78

00:04:25,500 --> 00:04:26,800

What?

79

00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:30,100

You're right;

it can wait until morning.

80

00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:33,800

- What, what, what, what, WHAT?

81

00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:35,000

- Never mind.

82

00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:37,400

I clearly woke you up

in the middle of a REM cycle.

83

00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:39,200

You're in no state of mind to talk.

84

00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:41,000

Sheldon, what is it?

85
00:04:42,500 --> 00:04:46,200

I'm uncomfortable having been

included in your lie to Penny.

86

00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:48,000

What was I supposed to say?

87

00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:49,500

- You could have told her the truth.

88

00:04:49,500 --> 00:04:51,500

- That would have hurt her feelings.

89

00:04:52,100 --> 00:04:54,100

Is that a relevant factor?

90

00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:56,000

Yes!

91

00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:58,200

Then I suppose

you could've agreed to go.

92

00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:00,700

And what would I have said afterwards?

93

00:05:00,700 --> 00:05:03,000

I would suggest something

to the effect of:

94

00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:06,600

singing isneither an appropriate

vocation nor avocation for you,

95

00:05:06,700 --> 00:05:10,200

and if you disagree, I'd recommend you

have a CAT scan to look for a tumor

96

00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:13,200

pressing on the cognitive

processing centers of your brain.

97

00:05:14,900 --> 00:05:16,900

I couldn't say that.

I would have to say,

98

00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:20,600

"You were terrific and I can't wait

to hear you sing again."

99

00:05:21,100 --> 00:05:22,400

Why?

100

00:05:22,900 --> 00:05:25,000

It's the social protocol.

101

00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:29,100

It's what you do when you have a friend

who's proud of something they really suck at.

102

00:05:30,500 --> 00:05:32,100

I was not aware of that.

103

00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:33,300

Well, now you are.

104

00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:34,800

Oh! All right.

105

00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:35,700

Leonard?

106
00:05:35,700 --> 00:05:36,500

Yes?

107

00:05:36,500 --> 00:05:38,700

When we played chess earlier,

you were terrific,

108

00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:40,700

and I can't wait to play you again.

109

00:05:40,700 --> 00:05:42,000

Good night.

110

00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:47,500

Leonard?

111

00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:54,800

This would be so much easier

if I were a violent sociopath.

112

00:05:57,800 --> 00:05:58,900

What?

113

00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:00,600

I was analyzing our lie,

114

00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:03,600

and I believe we're in danger

of Penny seeing through the ruse.

115

00:06:03,700 --> 00:06:05,100

How?

116

00:06:05,100 --> 00:06:11,400

Simple: If she were to log onto

"www.socalphysixs-group.org/activities/other"

117

00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:13,600

click on "Upcoming Events,"

scroll down to "Seminars,"

118

00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:15,000

download the PDF schedule,

119

00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,200

and look for the seminar

on molecular positronium,

120
00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:18,900

well then. Bippity, boppity, boo--

121

00:06:18,900 --> 00:06:21,000

our pants are metaphorically on fire.

122

00:06:26,500 --> 00:06:29,300

Well, sir, my trousers

will not be igniting today.

123

00:06:32,300 --> 00:06:34,100

Penny?

124

00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:38,500

Good morning!

125

00:06:38,500 --> 00:06:40,500

Do you have any idea

what time it is?

126

00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:41,500

Of course I do.

127

00:06:41,500 --> 00:06:44,600

My watch is linked to the atomic clock

in Boulder, Colorado.

128

00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:47,300

It's accurate to one tenth of a second.

129

00:06:47,900 --> 00:06:50,100

But as I'm saying this, it occurs to me

130

00:06:50,100 --> 00:06:52,500

that, once again, your question

may have been rhetorical.

131

00:06:53,300 --> 00:06:54,400

What do you want?

132

00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:57,000

Remember how Leonard told you

we couldn't come to your performance

133

00:06:57,000 --> 00:07:00,500

because we were attending a symposium

on molecular positronium?

134
00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:05,100

I remember "symposium."

135

00:07:05,900 --> 00:07:06,900

Yes. Well...

136

00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:08,700

He lied.

137

00:07:08,700 --> 00:07:10,600

Wait.

What?

138

00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:14,200

He lied, and I'm feeling

very uncomfortable about it.

139

00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:16,200

Well, imagine how I'm feeling.

140

00:07:17,500 --> 00:07:19,000

Hungry?

141

00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:21,800

Tired?

142

00:07:22,300 --> 00:07:24,500

I'm sorry,

this really isn't my strong suit.

143

00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:27,300

You told her I lied?

144

00:07:27,300 --> 00:07:29,100

Why would you tell her I lied?

145

00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:31,100

To help you.

146

00:07:32,500 --> 00:07:34,300

I'm sorry,

I'm not seeing the help.

147

00:07:34,300 --> 00:07:36,600

She was going to see through

your lie eventually,

148

00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:39,300

so I told her that you

were lying to protect me.

149

00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:42,600

I'm getting a bad feeling.

150

00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:44,800

Hunger?

151

00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:47,000

Indigestion?

152

00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,200

I'm sorry, I'm really

not very good at this.

153

00:07:49,700 --> 00:07:52,200

Anyway, Penny now believes that,

on Friday night,

154

00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:56,500

we're going to participate in my cousin

Leopold's drug intervention.

155
00:07:58,200 --> 00:07:59,600

Your cousin Leopold.

156

00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:02,300

Who most people call Leo,

but he also answers to Lee.

157

00:08:02,300 --> 00:08:04,000

- Remember that. It's important.

158

00:08:04,100 --> 00:08:05,200

- What's important?

159

00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:10,100

Details, Leonard-- the success or failure

of our deceitful enterprise turns on details.

160

00:08:10,700 --> 00:08:12,100

- Do you have a cousin Leopold?

161

00:08:12,100 --> 00:08:13,900

- No. I made him up.

162

00:08:14,900 --> 00:08:16,900

I think you'd call him Lee.

163

00:08:18,500 --> 00:08:20,200

I don't get it.

I already told her a lie.

164

00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:22,500

Why replace it with a different lie?

165

00:08:22,500 --> 00:08:25,300

Well, first of all, your lie

was laughably transparent,

166

00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:27,800

where mine is exquisitely convoluted.

167

00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:33,000

While you were sleeping,

I was weaving an un-unravelable web.

168

00:08:33,900 --> 00:08:35,300

Un-unravelable?

169

00:08:35,300 --> 00:08:36,200

Yes.

170

00:08:36,300 --> 00:08:39,300

If she Googles "Leopold Houston,"

she'll find a Facebook page,

171

00:08:39,300 --> 00:08:41,800

an online blog depicting

his descent into drug use

172

00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:45,300

and a desperate yet hopeful

listing on eHarmony.com.

173

00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:50,500

Okay, why would I go

to a drug intervention for your cousin?

174

00:08:50,500 --> 00:08:53,300

Because it's in Long Beach,

and I don't drive.

175

00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:56,600

- We're going to Long Beach?

176

00:08:56,600 --> 00:08:57,500

- Of course not.

177

00:08:57,500 --> 00:08:58,500

There's no cousin Leo.

178

00:08:58,500 --> 00:08:59,500

There's no intervention.

179

00:08:59,500 --> 00:09:00,600

Focus, Leonard.

180

00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:02,000

Aw, come on.

181

00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:07,600

We just leave the house on Friday night and we return

in the wee hours,emotionally wrung out,

182

00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:10,400

from the work of convincing Leo

to go back into rehab.

183
00:09:10,700 --> 00:09:12,200

- He goes back into rehab?

184

00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:16,400

- Yes, but, he can relapse if Penny

ever invites us to hear her sing again.

185

00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:20,700

You still told her I lied.

186

00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:24,100

For a noble purpose--

to spare me the social embarrassment

187

00:09:24,100 --> 00:09:26,100

of having a drug-addled first cousin--

188

00:09:26,100 --> 00:09:28,200

which I'm assuming is embarrassing, yes?

189

00:09:30,500 --> 00:09:32,600

How am I supposed

to remember all of this?

190
00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:33,500

That's the best part.

191

00:09:33,500 --> 00:09:34,400

You don't have to.

192

00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:38,400

I told Penny that you would be embarrassed,

if you knew that she found out that you had lied,

193

00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:41,900

so she's agreed to operate as if

the original lie is still in force.

194

00:09:45,100 --> 00:09:49,700

So she's expecting me, to lie

about going to a symposium in Pasadena,

195

00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:55,500

when, in actuality, we're pretending to go

to a drug intervention in Long Beach.

196

00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:57,600

Un-unravelable.
197

00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:02,800

Hey Penny! Wow, look at you,

all ready for your showcase.

198

00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:03,800

- You look great.

199

00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:04,700

- Thanks.

200

00:10:04,700 --> 00:10:06,800

I just wanted to come by,

wish you guys luck

201

00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:09,500

with your... symposium.

202

00:10:11,300 --> 00:10:13,000

Thank you!

203

00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:15,900

I got to tell you, a lot of friends

would let their friend go alone,

204

00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:17,000

but that's not who you are.

205

00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:20,400

You are the kind of guy

who stands by a friend when...

206

00:10:21,100 --> 00:10:23,900

When he has a symposium to go to.

207

00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:28,900

I don't know what to say.

208

00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:31,300

It's okay, Leonard.

209

00:10:31,300 --> 00:10:33,700

Okay, all right, good.

210

00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:36,000

Oh, boy, group hug.

211

00:10:39,100 --> 00:10:40,100

So, what's up?

212

00:10:40,100 --> 00:10:44,300

Well, Penny is on her way to perform

in a one-night showcase production of Rent,

213

00:10:44,622 --> 00:10:46,457

which we are unable to attend,

213

00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:49,400

because we're going to a symposium

on molecular positronium

214

00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:51,700

given by Dr. Emilarmanfarmian.

215

00:10:52,300 --> 00:10:56,200

Wait a minute. Farmanfarmian is speaking

and you're bogarting the symposium?

216

00:10:57,100 --> 00:10:57,800

- Howard, I'm sorr...

217

00:10:57,800 --> 00:10:59,900

- No, no, you're quark-blocking us.

218

00:11:02,900 --> 00:11:04,800

I don't know what to say.

219

00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:07,400

Howard, listen.

220

00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:08,800

It's okay.

It's your Millennium Falcon.

221

00:11:08,900 --> 00:11:11,100

You and Chewbacca

do whatever you wanted.

222

00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:16,300

Me and Princess Leia here will find

some other way to spend the evening.

223

00:11:16,900 --> 00:11:17,900

Howard, wait.

224

00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:21,200

Sheldon,
I think we should tell them.

225

00:11:22,500 --> 00:11:24,100

Okay, sure.

226

00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:26,300

I don't see a problem with that.

227

00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:28,900

There's no symposium.

228

00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:30,300

Leonard lied to me.

229

00:11:30,300 --> 00:11:31,400

Isn't that right, Leonard?

230

00:11:31,500 --> 00:11:33,000

Well...

231

00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:36,000

I don't know what to say!

232
00:11:36,500 --> 00:11:37,600

It's okay; I do.

233

00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:40,200

Leonard is helping Sheldon

through a family crisis.

234

00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:44,100

He made up the whole story

about the symposium with Dr. Farman...

235

00:11:44,100 --> 00:11:45,200

Farmian.

236

00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:46,100

Good for you.

237

00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:49,800

Because he didn't want

Sheldon to be embarrassed.

238

00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:51,700

And there's nothing

to be embarrassed about.
239

00:11:51,700 --> 00:11:53,900

Every family in America has a relative

240

00:11:53,900 --> 00:11:56,700

holed up in a garage somewhere

huffing paint thinner.

241

00:11:57,900 --> 00:11:59,200

No, I'm lost, too.

242

00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:00,700

I think she skipped a step.

243

00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:02,300

No, look.

244

00:12:02,300 --> 00:12:06,300

Sheldon's cousin Leo escaped rehab,

and he's in a Motel 8 in Long Beach.

245

00:12:06,300 --> 00:12:08,100

The whole family's going out

for an intervention.
246

00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:10,200

Leonard is driving Sheldon down there

247

00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:13,000

to help him through this,

because he's such a good man.

248

00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:14,800

Another hug?

Thank you.

249

00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:18,300

All right, you guys, good luck.

250

00:12:18,300 --> 00:12:19,300

Thanks, Penny.

251

00:12:19,300 --> 00:12:20,200

Break a leg!

252

00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:21,300

Break a leg!

253
00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:24,100

So, road trip to Long Beach.

254

00:12:24,100 --> 00:12:26,200

- We're not going to Long Beach.

255

00:12:26,300 --> 00:12:27,000

- Why not?

256

00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:30,000

Because Sheldon doesn't have

a drug-addicted cousin Leopold.

257

00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:31,500

Oh, too bad.

258

00:12:32,700 --> 00:12:34,400

I've always wanted

to go to Long Beach.

259

00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:36,200

It's a very nice community.

260

00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:37,800

The Queen Mary is docked there.

261

00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:41,300

Once the largest ocean liner in the

world, it's now a hotel and restaurant,

262

00:12:41,300 --> 00:12:44,200

where they host a surprisingly gripping

murder mystery dinner.

263

00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:46,700

- Sounds fun.

- I'm game.

264

00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:49,000

- No, no, no.

265

00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:52,800

Leonard gets nauseous unless he sits

in front, and even then, it's iffy.

266

00:12:54,700 --> 00:12:57,500

Wait, are we really

going to Long Beach?

267

00:13:04,700 --> 00:13:07,300

Leonard?

268

00:13:08,100 --> 00:13:09,800

Let it go, Sheldon.

269

00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:13,000

The murderer was the first mate

whether it makes sense to you or not.

270

00:13:14,500 --> 00:13:16,300

No, that's the least of our worries.

271

00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:18,300

I've been doing

some research on addiction,

272

00:13:18,300 --> 00:13:20,600

both the biochemical

and behavioral aspects--

273

00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:23,700

and I think there's a problem

with the current version of our lie.

274

00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:25,400

What are you talking about?

275

00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:27,400

It's fine!

She bought it; it's over.

276

00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:32,800

Sadly, it's not.

277

00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:35,400

Substance abuse

is a lifelong struggle,

278

00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:38,600

but beyond that, I have realized

that the Leo I described

279

00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:40,000

would not have agreed to go to rehab.

280

00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:41,500

- Why not?
281

00:13:41,900 --> 00:13:43,900

Because Leo's a middle child.

282

00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:45,400

There is no Leo!

283

00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:46,900

How can you say that?

284

00:13:50,900 --> 00:13:52,900

You didn't read the bio, did you?

285

00:13:53,900 --> 00:13:56,700

He's not just a middle child,

he is the quintessential middle child--

286

00:13:56,700 --> 00:13:58,200

from a broken home, to boot.

287

00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:01,500

Psychologically speaking,

the attention he gets by rebelling,

288

00:14:01,500 --> 00:14:03,000

even to the point of self-destruction,

289

00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:06,300

is more emotionally valuable

than the help he would get at rehab.

290

00:14:06,300 --> 00:14:07,500

- I've got a solution.

291

00:14:07,500 --> 00:14:08,200

- Great. What is it?

292

00:14:08,300 --> 00:14:10,500

Get out!

293

00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:12,800

Fine.

294

00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:20,700

I've hesitated to point this out,

295

00:14:20,700 --> 00:14:23,200

but I must now remind you

that we are in our current predicament

296

00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:25,900

because of your initial

and totally inadequate deceit.

297

00:14:25,900 --> 00:14:28,100

I'm just trying to clean up

after your mess.

298

00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:34,000

We'll talk in the morning.

299

00:14:46,700 --> 00:14:48,100

Morning.

300

00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:50,500

Who are you?

301

00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:53,300

I am Sheldon's cousin Leo.

302

00:14:57,800 --> 00:15:00,500

Sheldon does not have

a cousin Leo.

303

00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:01,900

<i>Au contraire.</i>

304

00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:03,800

I'm 26 years old.

305

00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:05,200

I'm originally

from...

306

00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:09,200

Denton, Texas,

but I was a Navy brat,

307

00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:12,200

so I was brought up on a variety

of military bases around the world.

308

00:15:12,500 --> 00:15:14,400

As a result, I've often felt

like an outsider--
309

00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:16,100

never really fitting in,

310

00:15:16,100 --> 00:15:18,700

which is probably the reason

for my substance abuse problem.

311

00:15:18,700 --> 00:15:22,000

Excuse me,

we just went over this.

312

00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:24,800

As the quintessential middle child,

your addiction is rooted

313

00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:26,400

in your unmet need for attention.

314

00:15:26,700 --> 00:15:29,400

Sheldon, are we really going

to go with pop psychology?

315

00:15:29,700 --> 00:15:32,200

For your information,

this is based on solid research.

316

00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:34,600

Just stick with the character profile

I wrote for you.

317

00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:36,100

Sheldon?

318

00:15:36,100 --> 00:15:36,900

I'm sorry.

319

00:15:36,900 --> 00:15:38,500

Leonard, this is Toby Loobenfeld.

320

00:15:38,500 --> 00:15:41,400

He's a research assistant

in the particle physics lab,

321

00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:44,500

but he also minored in theater at MIT.

322

00:15:44,900 --> 00:15:46,800

It was more of a double major, actually.

323

00:15:47,100 --> 00:15:48,400

Theater and physics.

324

00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:51,100

You can guess which one

my bourgeois parents pushed me toward.

325

00:15:51,100 --> 00:15:52,300

Yeah, I got it.

326

00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:53,700

Sheldon...

327

00:15:53,700 --> 00:15:54,800

why?

328

00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:57,600

You see, while Leo

would not have gone into rehab,

329

00:15:57,600 --> 00:15:59,400

it is completely plausible,
330

00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:03,300

that we would have talked him into

leaving the motel and coming home with us.

331

00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:07,600

How about this as my motivation--

when I was 14 years old,

332

00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:10,900

I was abused in the Philippines

by a clubfooted Navy chaplain.

333

00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:15,500

No. We're going with middle child

334

00:16:15,500 --> 00:16:18,700

and a genetic predisposition to

inadequate serotonin production.

335

00:16:19,500 --> 00:16:22,700

Swell. How do I play

genetic predisposition?

336

00:16:23,500 --> 00:16:25,800

Subtextually, of course.

337

00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:30,300

Just have fun with it.

338

00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:36,800

- Morning, Penny.

339

00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:38,400

- How did the intervention go?

340

00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:41,600

Unfortunately, we weren't able

to convince him to go to rehab.

341

00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:43,900

Based on what you told me,

I am not surprised.

342

00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:49,600

But we did convince him

to leave the motel.

343

00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:51,600

Come say hello.

344

00:16:52,700 --> 00:16:54,100

Leo.

345

00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:57,400

This is Penny, our friend and neighbor.

346

00:16:57,400 --> 00:16:58,700

Hi, Leo.

347

00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:00,600

How are you feeling?

348

00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:07,500

Let me ask you something, Penny.

349

00:17:07,500 --> 00:17:12,200

Have you ever woken up in a

fleabag motel, covered in your own vomit,

350

00:17:12,300 --> 00:17:15,200

next to a transsexual prostitute?

351

00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:18,600

No.

352

00:17:18,600 --> 00:17:21,900

Then don't ask me

how I'm feeling.

353

00:17:24,500 --> 00:17:25,800

Well, that's Leo.

354

00:17:27,700 --> 00:17:30,200

why don't you tell me

about your showcase last night?

355

00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:31,400

It was okay, I guess.

356

00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:34,000

It wasn't a big turnout,

but they both really seemed to like it.

357

00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:36,400

There were only

two people there?

358

00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:38,400

By the end, yeah.

359

00:17:39,300 --> 00:17:41,500

Damn you, Chaplain Harrigan!

360

00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:45,500

I'm... I'm sorry?

361

00:17:45,500 --> 00:17:47,100

The Philippines.

362

00:17:49,300 --> 00:17:51,300

1992.

363

00:17:51,500 --> 00:17:53,700

The Subic Bay Naval Station.

364

00:17:53,700 --> 00:17:56,700

A young boy on the cusp of manhood.

365

00:17:57,500 --> 00:17:58,800

His only companions,

366

00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:01,800

mongrel dogs

and malarial mosquitoes.

367

00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:03,800

Desperate and alone,

368

00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:07,600

he reached out to a man

who promised to introduce him

369

00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:12,500

to a merciful, loving God,

but who instead introduced him

370

00:18:12,500 --> 00:18:17,600

to a gin-pickled tongue

shoved down his adolescent throat.

371

00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:25,800

What choice did he have but to

drink, shoot and snort his pain away?

372

00:18:27,100 --> 00:18:29,900

Don't forget his genetic predisposition

towards addiction.

373

00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:31,000

- That's never been proven.

374

00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:32,000

- There have been studies.

375

00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:33,100

Not double-blind studies.

376

00:18:33,100 --> 00:18:34,600

How could there be?

377

00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:36,100

Who would be the control group?

378

00:18:36,100 --> 00:18:38,100

As you can see,

detoxing can get pretty ugly.

379
00:18:38,100 --> 00:18:40,000

Let's give them some privacy.

380

00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:42,300

Do you want to come over

and have coffee?

381

00:18:42,300 --> 00:18:43,600

Ah, sounds good.

382

00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:45,900

I have a video of me singing last night.

383

00:18:45,900 --> 00:18:47,100

Do you want to see it?

384

00:18:47,700 --> 00:18:49,700

Gee, why wouldn't I?

385

00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:52,000

This is even better than you

coming to the showcase,

386

00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:53,600

because now I get to watch you watch me.

387

00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:55,200

Yeeaaahh.

388

00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:58,200

Funny how things work out.

389

00:18:59,600 --> 00:19:02,000

...but he loved the companionship

and the wisdom

390

00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:04,800

that his own father failed to provide.

391

00:19:05,500 --> 00:19:07,600

Your parents made the right decision.

392

00:19:13,100 --> 00:19:15,500

I cannot work like this.

393

00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:26,000

This is amazing.
394

00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:29,300

Just sitting on a couch

watching TV with a woman.

395

00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:32,800

Not being drunk or high

396

00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:35,600

or wondering

if you're a dude down there.

397

00:19:37,500 --> 00:19:41,100

Leo, you are a very sweet,

really funny guy.

398

00:19:41,100 --> 00:19:42,700

You're going to do okay.

399

00:19:43,700 --> 00:19:45,700

One day at a time, Penny.

400

00:19:49,300 --> 00:19:51,400

One day at a time.

401

00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:58,500

How long is he going to stay here?

402

00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:00,500

He's a homeless drug addict Leonard.

403

00:20:00,500 --> 00:20:02,300

Where is he going to go?

404

00:20:02,900 --> 00:20:05,500

Boy, you have a lot

to learn about lying.

9999

00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00

<font color="#ffff00" size=14>www.tvsubtitles.net</font>

10000

00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:13,000

Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org

 The Big Bang Theory - 1x11 - The Pancake Batter Anomaly

00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000

Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org

00:00:27,100 --> 00:00:28,200

Checkmate.

00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:31,000

- Again?

- Obviously,

00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:33,900

you're not well suited

for three-dimensional chess.

00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:37,100

Perhaps three-dimensional Candy Land

would be more your speed.

00:00:37,700 --> 00:00:38,900

Just reset the board.

00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:42,400

It must be humbling to suck

on so many different levels.

00:00:49,300 --> 00:00:50,200

Hey, guys.

00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:52,600

- Did you get my mail?

- Yeah, right here.

00:00:53,100 --> 00:00:56,200

- How was Nebraska?

- Well, better than North Dakota.

10

00:01:02,100 --> 00:01:04,600

I guess that joke's

only funny in Nebraska.

11

00:01:05,100 --> 00:01:07,600

From the data at hand,

you really can't draw that conclusion.

12

00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:11,400

All you can say with absolute certainty

is that that joke is not funny here.

13

00:01:17,700 --> 00:01:19,200

Boy, it's good to be back.

14

00:01:20,500 --> 00:01:22,600

- How's your family?

- It was the worst trip.

15

00:01:22,700 --> 00:01:24,400

Everyone got sick over the weekend.

16

00:01:24,500 --> 00:01:26,000

- Sick?

- Here we go.

17

00:01:29,100 --> 00:01:30,400

What kind of sick?

18

00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:31,800

The flu, I guess.

19

00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:34,200

I don't need you to guess.

I need you to know.

20

00:01:34,300 --> 00:01:36,900

Now, when did the symptoms

first appear?

21

00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:38,100

Maybe Friday.

22

00:01:38,300 --> 00:01:40,400

Friday.

Was that morning or afternoon?

23

00:01:41,300 --> 00:01:42,400

I- I don't...

24

00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:45,000

Think, woman.

Who blew their nose and when?

25

00:01:45,900 --> 00:01:46,900

Sheldon, relax.

26

00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:49,600

She doesn't have any symptoms.

I'm sure she's not contagious.

27

00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:51,000

Oh, please.

28

00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:55,200

If influenza was only contagious

after symptoms appear,

29

00:01:55,300 --> 00:01:57,200

it would have died out

thousands of years ago.

30

00:01:57,400 --> 00:01:59,600

Somewhere between tool using

and cave painting,

31

00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:03,000

homo habilis would have figured out

how to kill the guy with the runny nose.

32

00:02:04,300 --> 00:02:07,200

Penny, you'll have to excuse Sheldon.

He's a bit of a germaphobe.

33

00:02:07,300 --> 00:02:08,700

It's okay. I understand.

34

00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:11,500

Thanks for your consideration.

Now please leave.

35

00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:15,000

You'd better go before he starts

spraying you with Lysol.

36

00:02:16,300 --> 00:02:18,400

Okay. Well, thank you

for getting my mail.

37

00:02:18,500 --> 00:02:20,200

No problem. Welcome home.

38

00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:28,300

What?!

39

00:02:50,100 --> 00:02:52,800

Season 1 Episode 11:

The Pancake Batter Anomaly

1

00:02:59,500 --> 00:03:01,200

What the hell are you doing?

00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:04,300

I'm making petri dishes

to grow throat cultures.

00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:06,800

With lime Jell-O?

00:03:07,100 --> 00:03:08,500

I need a growth medium,

00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:11,100

and someone polished off

the apricot yogurt.

00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:14,400

Here,

swab my throat.

00:03:17,100 --> 00:03:18,200

I don't think so.

8

00:03:18,300 --> 00:03:20,400

If I'm going to get ahead of this thing,

00:03:20,500 --> 00:03:23,200

I need to find out what's

growing in my throat.

10

00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:26,700

Sheldon, you are not sick.

11

00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:29,700

This is, but you are not.

12

00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:34,800

We have no idea what pathogen Typhoid

she has introduced into our environment.

13

00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:37,000

For having never been to Nebraska,

14

00:03:37,100 --> 00:03:40,200

I'm fairly certain that

I have no corn-husking antibodies.

15

00:03:43,500 --> 00:03:45,900

Sheldon, don't you think

you're overreacting?

16

00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:49,600

When I'm lying comatose in a hospital

relying on inferior minds to cure me,

17

00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:51,900

these Jell-O cultures

and my accompanying notes

18

00:03:52,100 --> 00:03:54,200

will give them a fighting chance.

19

00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:00,800

- I'm going back to bed.

- Wait.

20

00:04:01,500 --> 00:04:03,400

- Put this in the bathroom.

- What for?

21
00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:05,600

I need to measure my fluid

intake and output

22

00:04:05,700 --> 00:04:08,100

to make sure my kidneys

aren't shutting down.

23

00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,000

I mixed pancake batter in this!

24

00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:16,500

No, that measuring cup

has always been for urine.

25

00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:20,900

You had time to make a label

for everything in this apartment

26

00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:22,400

including the label maker,

27

00:04:22,700 --> 00:04:26,200

but you didn't have ten seconds

to make one that said "urine cup"?

28

00:04:27,900 --> 00:04:29,900

It's right here on the bottom.

29

00:04:37,100 --> 00:04:40,500

I guess I owe the Betty Crocker

Company a letter of apology.

30

00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:58,500

Oh, dear God.

31

00:05:03,300 --> 00:05:04,600

Leonard, I'm sick!

32

00:05:11,700 --> 00:05:13,000

Leonard, I'm sick!

33

00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:30,200

Leonard, my comforter fell down,

and my sinuses hurt when I bend over.

34

00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:52,600

- <i>Hey!</i>

- Leonard, where are you?

35

00:05:52,900 --> 00:05:54,000

I'm at work.

36

00:05:55,500 --> 00:05:57,100

At 6:30 in the morning?

37

00:05:59,700 --> 00:06:00,700

On Sunday?

38

00:06:03,500 --> 00:06:05,600

- Why?

- They asked me to come in.

39

00:06:05,700 --> 00:06:07,400

I didn't hear the phone ring.

40

00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:09,500

They texted me.

41

00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:14,500

Well, as I predicted,

I am sick.
42

00:06:14,700 --> 00:06:18,200

My fever has been tracking up

exponentially since 2:00 a.m.,

43

00:06:18,300 --> 00:06:21,200

and I am producing sputum

at an alarming rate.

44

00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:25,200

No kidding?

45

00:06:25,300 --> 00:06:26,700

<i>No, not only that,</i>

46

00:06:26,900 --> 00:06:29,700

it has shifted from clear

to milky green.

47

00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:31,700

<i>All right,</i>

48

00:06:31,900 --> 00:06:34,100

get some rest

and drink plenty of fluids.

49

00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:38,400

What else would I drink,

gases, solids, ionized plasma?

50

00:06:39,700 --> 00:06:41,000

Drink whatever you want.

51

00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:43,500

- I want soup.

- Then make soup.

52

00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:44,900

We don't have soup.

53

00:06:45,100 --> 00:06:46,700

I'm at work, Sheldon.

54

00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:51,700

Is that a dog?

55

00:06:53,900 --> 00:06:55,000

In the lab?
56

00:06:57,500 --> 00:07:00,500

They're training dogs

to operate the centrifuge

57

00:07:00,700 --> 00:07:02,600

for when they need dogs to...

58

00:07:03,300 --> 00:07:04,900

operate the centrifuge

59

00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:07,500

for blind scientists.

I have to go.

60

00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:13,600

Howard, it's the phone!

61

00:07:16,100 --> 00:07:19,600

I know it's the phone, Ma,

I hear the phone!

62

00:07:19,700 --> 00:07:23,100

Well, who's calling

at this ungodly hour?!

63

00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:24,800

I don't know!

64

00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:29,400

Well, ask them why they're calling

at this ungodly hour!

65

00:07:29,500 --> 00:07:32,700

How can I ask them

when I'm talking to you?!

66

00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:37,400

Hello.

67

00:07:38,900 --> 00:07:40,700

It's Leonard.

Code milky green.

68

00:07:40,900 --> 00:07:42,600

Dear Lord, not milky green.

69

00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:45,200

Affirmative. With fever.

70

00:07:45,300 --> 00:07:47,300

Who's

on the phone?!

71

00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:48,700

It's Leonard!

72

00:07:48,900 --> 00:07:50,600

Why is he calling?!

73

00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:52,100

Sheldon's sick!

74

00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:54,200

Were you playing with him?!

75

00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:59,500

For God's sake, Ma,

I'm 26 years old!

76

00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:02,100

Excuse me,

Mr. Grownup!
77

00:08:03,500 --> 00:08:05,200

What do you want for breakfast?!

78

00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:07,400

Chocolate milk and Eggos,

please!

79

00:08:09,100 --> 00:08:11,400

- <i>Listen to me.</i>

- Hang on. Call waiting.

80

00:08:11,500 --> 00:08:12,600

<i>No, don't...!</i>

81

00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:14,100

Hello.

82

00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:16,200

Howard, I'm sick.

83

00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:25,400

Howard's sleeping.

This is his mother!

84

00:08:27,100 --> 00:08:30,300

Why are you calling

at this ungodly hour?

85

00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:33,200

I need soup.

86

00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:36,200

Then call your own mother!

87

00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:39,400

It was Sheldon.

88

00:08:39,500 --> 00:08:41,700

- I tried to stop you.

- <i>It's my own fault.</i>

89

00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:45,700

I forgot the protocol we put in place

after The Great Ear Infection of '06.

90

00:08:46,700 --> 00:08:47,800

Call Koothrappali.
91

00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:51,400

We need to find a place to lay low

for the next 18 to 24 hours.

92

00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:52,600

Stand by.

93

00:08:52,700 --> 00:08:54,600

Ma, can my friends come over?

94

00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:57,900

I just had

the carpet steamed!

95

00:08:59,500 --> 00:09:00,900

That's a negatory.

96

00:09:01,700 --> 00:09:04,300

But there's a <i>Planet of The Apes</i>

marathon at the NuArt today.

97

00:09:05,100 --> 00:09:07,700

Five movies, two hours apiece..

98

00:09:08,700 --> 00:09:10,000

it's a start.

99

00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:15,400

Homeless, crazy guy at table 18.

100

00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:23,200

No, just crazy.

101

00:09:25,100 --> 00:09:27,400

Sheldon, what are you doing here?

102

00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:30,800

I'm sick.

Thank you very much.

103

00:09:31,300 --> 00:09:33,500

How could you have gotten if from me?

I'm not sick.

104

00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:34,900

You're a carrier.
105

00:09:35,100 --> 00:09:37,100

All these people here are doomed.

106

00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:38,700

You're doomed!

107

00:09:41,300 --> 00:09:43,200

Sheldon, what do you want?

108

00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:44,800

I want soup.

109

00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:51,000

Why didn't you...?

110

00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:55,100

Why didn't you just have soup at home?

111

00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:58,200

Penny, I have an IQ of 187.

112

00:09:58,500 --> 00:10:00,700

Don't you imagine that

if there were a way for me

113

00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:03,200

to have had soup at home,

I would have thought of it?

114

00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:05,700

You can have soup delivered.

115

00:10:10,100 --> 00:10:11,400

I did not think of that.

116

00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:16,000

Clearly, febrile delirium

is setting in.

117

00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:17,500

Please bring me some soup

118

00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:20,200

while I still understand

what a spoon is for.

119

00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:22,500

What kind of soup do you want?

120

00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:25,500

Well, my mother used

to make me this split pea

121

00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:29,300

with little frankfurter slices

and these homemade croutons.

122

00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:32,100

We have chicken, tortilla

and potato leek.

123

00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:35,700

Could I get any of those

with little frankfurter slices

124

00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:37,200

and homemade croutons?

125

00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:40,800

Then surprise me.

126
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:53,900

Would you call that

"moss green" or "forest green"?

127

00:11:08,500 --> 00:11:10,600

Look at this.

Everyone went chimp.

128

00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:14,100

I'd like to point out

that I voted for orangutan,

129

00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:15,900

but you shouted me down.

130

00:11:20,900 --> 00:11:22,700

- Hi, Penny.

- Hey, where are you?

131

00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:25,300

I'm... at work.

132

00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:27,700

You sound funny.

133

00:11:27,900 --> 00:11:31,000

Look. I'm...

I'm in a radiation suit.

134

00:11:32,100 --> 00:11:33,900

- What's up?

- I'm at work, too,

135

00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:37,100

and you'll never guess who's here

infecting my entire station.

136

00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:39,000

Sheldon's at the Cheesecake Factory.

137

00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:42,500

- Just tell him to go home.

- <i>He won't leave.</i>

138

00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:46,400

He's afraid he'll pass out on the bus,

and someone will harvest his organs.

139

00:11:47,700 --> 00:11:50,200

He's paranoid,

and he's established a nest.

140

00:11:51,300 --> 00:11:52,800

Can you please come get him?

141

00:11:54,100 --> 00:11:55,900

Yeah, I'd be happy to.

142

00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:01,400

Oh, my God, there's a breach

in the radiation unit!

143

00:12:01,500 --> 00:12:03,700

The whole city is in jeopardy!

Oh, my God!

144

00:12:03,900 --> 00:12:06,400

The containment vessel's melting.

Gotta go. Bye!

145

00:12:12,700 --> 00:12:14,200

I feel really guilty.

146
00:12:14,700 --> 00:12:16,200

You did what you had to do.

147

00:12:16,300 --> 00:12:19,000

Take your stinking paws off my popcorn,

148

00:12:19,100 --> 00:12:21,100

you damn dirty ape!

149

00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:26,600

Thanks for bringing me home.

150

00:12:26,900 --> 00:12:29,100

It's okay.

I didn't really need to work today.

151

00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:32,200

It's not like I have rent

or car payments or anything.

152

00:12:32,300 --> 00:12:33,400

Good, good.

153

00:12:35,500 --> 00:12:37,400

Okay, well, you feel better.

154

00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:40,000

Wait!

Where are you going?

155

00:12:41,700 --> 00:12:44,100

Home...

to write some bad checks.

156

00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:47,300

You're going to leave me?

157

00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:50,600

Sheldon, you are a grown man.

Haven't you ever been sick before?

158

00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:53,400

Of course, but not by myself.

159

00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:55,800

Really? Never?

160

00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:58,400

Well, once, when I was 15,

161

00:12:58,500 --> 00:13:01,500

spending the summer at the Heidelberg

Institute in Germany.

162

00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:03,200

Studying abroad?

163

00:13:03,500 --> 00:13:05,300

No. Visiting professor.

164

00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:10,400

Anyway, the local cuisine was

a little more sausage-based

165

00:13:10,500 --> 00:13:14,000

than I'm used to, and the result

was an internal Blitzkrieg,

166

00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:17,400

with my lower intestine playing

the part of Czechoslovakia.

167
00:13:18,500 --> 00:13:21,200

And there was no one there

to take care of you?

168

00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:24,400

My Mom had to fly

back to Texas to help my Dad,

169

00:13:24,500 --> 00:13:28,000

because the house had slipped off

the cinder blocks again.

170

00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:31,200

- Again?

- It was tornado season.

171

00:13:31,500 --> 00:13:33,300

And it was an aluminum house.

172

00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:38,700

The housekeeper in the faculty residence

didn't speak any English.

173

00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:41,300

When I finally managed

to convince her I was sick,

174

00:13:41,500 --> 00:13:44,100

she said, "Möchtest du

eine Darmspülung?"

175

00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:46,700

What does that mean?

176

00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:48,900

Based on what happened next,

I assume it means,

177

00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:50,600

"Would you like an enema?"

178

00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:55,400

Okay, sweetie.

I'll take care of you.

179

00:13:55,500 --> 00:13:57,000

What do you need?

180

00:13:58,100 --> 00:14:00,900

My Mom used to give me sponge baths.

181

00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:10,100

Okay, ground rules: no sponge baths,

182

00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:12,200

and definitely no enemas.

183

00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:14,100

Agreed.

184

00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:20,300

Here we go.

185

00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:23,200

Ten-and-a-half hours of ape-y goodness.

186

00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:27,900

Damn it, my glasses.

187

00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:31,800

Okay, I'm blind here, guys.

Can you help me find them?

188

00:14:31,900 --> 00:14:33,300

- Sorry.

- Okay.

189

00:14:36,900 --> 00:14:38,000

Found them.

190

00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:40,900

Oh, great.

191

00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:42,900

I'm sorry.

Don't you have a spare?

192

00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:44,000

Yeah, at home.

193

00:14:44,100 --> 00:14:45,200

If you leave now,

194

00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:49,100

you can be back before the gorillas

rip the crap out of Charlton Heston.

195

00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:51,700

Unless Sheldon's there,

in which case, you'll be trapped forever

196

00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:54,200

in his whiny, hyper-neurotic snot web.

197

00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:03,800

Hi. Penny?

198

00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:07,400

I was just wondering,

is Sheldon still at the restaurant?

199

00:15:09,500 --> 00:15:12,400

Okay, that was very nice of you.

Okay, I gotta go.

200

00:15:12,500 --> 00:15:15,500

Got kind of a full-blown

Chernobyl thing here. Gotta go, bye.

201

00:15:16,700 --> 00:15:18,100

He's home.
I'm screwed.

202

00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:23,800

Ten-and-a-half hours

of ape-y blurriness.

203

00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:26,700

How about Lasik?

204

00:15:28,500 --> 00:15:30,400

You want me to get eye surgery?

205

00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:32,800

Would you rather go home

and deal with Sheldon,

206

00:15:32,900 --> 00:15:35,700

or have a stranger carve out

your corneas with a laser beam?

207

00:15:38,100 --> 00:15:39,900

- Well?

- I'm thinking.

208
00:15:42,100 --> 00:15:44,700

Okay, nice and cozy.

209

00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:46,900

Okay? I'll see you later.

210

00:15:47,100 --> 00:15:47,900

Wait.

211

00:15:49,100 --> 00:15:51,500

Will you please

rub this on my chest?

212

00:15:53,300 --> 00:15:55,200

Sheldon,

can't you do that yourself?

213

00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:58,000

VapoRub makes

my hands smell funny.

214

00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:02,200

- But, Sheldon...

- Please, please, please?

215

00:16:06,900 --> 00:16:08,600

I can't believe I'm doing this.

216

00:16:14,700 --> 00:16:17,900

No, no. Counterclockwise,

or my chest hair mats.

217

00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:21,800

Sorry.

218

00:16:27,100 --> 00:16:29,100

Can you sing "Soft Kitty"?

219

00:16:31,500 --> 00:16:32,400

What?

220

00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:35,000

My Mom used to sing it

to me when I was sick.

221

00:16:35,500 --> 00:16:38,200

- Oh, sorry, honey. I don't know it.

- I'll teach you.

222

00:16:39,900 --> 00:16:43,500

<i>Soft kitty, warm kitty,</i>

223

00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:45,600

<i>Little ball of fur</i>

224

00:16:48,300 --> 00:16:51,700

<i>Happy kitty, sleepy kitty,</i>

225

00:16:51,900 --> 00:16:54,500

<i>purr, purr, purr</i>

226

00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:58,400

Now you.

227

00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:06,700

<i>Soft kitty,</i>

228

00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:09,000

<i>Warm kitty...</i>

229

00:17:10,500 --> 00:17:13,300

<i>Little ball of fur</i>

230

00:17:14,100 --> 00:17:15,300

Keep rubbing.

231

00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:20,000

<i>Little ball of fur</i>

232

00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:36,700

What do you see? I can't.

233

00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:38,500

The living room appears to be empty.

234

00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:40,200

He must be in his bedroom.

235

00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:43,400

My spare glasses are in my bedroom,

on my dresser,

236

00:17:43,500 --> 00:17:45,000

next to my bat signal.

237
00:17:46,700 --> 00:17:48,000

I'm not going in there.

238

00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:50,100

- Raj?

- No way, Jose.

239

00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:53,700

But I can't do it.

I can't see anything.

240

00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:56,800

It's all right. Wireless minicam

and Bluetooth headset.

241

00:17:57,300 --> 00:17:59,100

We'll be your eyes.

242

00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:01,000

Fine.

243

00:18:01,500 --> 00:18:02,600

One more thing.

244
00:18:03,100 --> 00:18:06,400

This is a subsonic impact sensor.

245

00:18:07,500 --> 00:18:09,800

If Sheldon gets out of bed

and starts to walk,

246

00:18:09,900 --> 00:18:12,400

this device will register it

and send a signal to the laptop.

247

00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:14,900

At that point,

based on the geography of the apartment

248

00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:16,800

and the ambulatory speed

of a sick Sheldon,

249

00:18:16,900 --> 00:18:20,000

you'll have 7 seconds to get out,

glasses or no glasses.

250

00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:22,000

Won't my footsteps set it off?

251

00:18:22,300 --> 00:18:24,700

No. You'll be on

your hands and knees.

252

00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:27,500

You'll need to get the sensor

as close as you can to Sheldon's room.

253

00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:30,400

How do I carry it

if I'm on my hands and knees?

254

00:18:35,700 --> 00:18:36,700

Stay low.

255

00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:38,700

Bear left.

256

00:18:39,700 --> 00:18:41,300

- Now keep true.

- What?

257

00:18:41,500 --> 00:18:44,700

- It means "go straight."

- Then just say, "Go straight."

258

00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:46,500

You don't say, "Go straight."

259

00:18:46,700 --> 00:18:49,000

When you're giving bearings,

you say, "Keep true."

260

00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:50,900

All right.

261

00:18:54,900 --> 00:18:56,500

I just hit my head.

262

00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,100

Because you didn't keep true.

263

00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:03,300

<i>Okay, turn right.</i>

264

00:19:04,900 --> 00:19:06,500

The picture's breaking up.

265

00:19:06,900 --> 00:19:08,500

Angle your head to the right.

266

00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:11,200

<i>Now, a little more.</i>

267

00:19:11,900 --> 00:19:12,900

Little more.

268

00:19:13,900 --> 00:19:16,000

That's it.

Now, just keep true.

269

00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:22,800

You're close enough to Sheldon's room.

Deploy the sensor.

270

00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:25,800

<i>Now, turn it on.</i>

271

00:19:26,300 --> 00:19:27,700

It wasn't on?
272

00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:30,800

Then why did I have to crawl?

273

00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:33,900

No, I guess you didn't.

274

00:19:37,700 --> 00:19:38,900

<i>Okay, it's on.</i>

275

00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:42,000

Good. From this point forward,

you will have to crawl.

276

00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:45,000

I know.

277

00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:51,700

Hang on, the sensor's picking up

something. Turn your head back.

278

00:19:58,400 --> 00:19:59,700

You rat bastard.

279
00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:04,100

Told you the sensor would work.

280

00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:09,100

You deliberately stuck me

with Sheldon.

281

00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:11,900

Come on, I had to.

You see what he's like?

282

00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:14,200

Penny, I'm hungry.

283

00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:17,600

It's okay, sweetie.

Good news! Leonard's home!

284

00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:20,100

Here you go.

Good luck. Bye.

285

00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:23,400

Leonard! I'm hungry!

286

00:20:23,700 --> 00:20:25,500

Penny, take me with you!

287

00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:37,300

I want grilled cheese.

288

00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:57,800

Do you think Penny will come here

and take care of us?

289

00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:01,900

I don't think Penny's

ever coming here again.

290

00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:07,200

I'm very congested.

291

00:21:09,500 --> 00:21:10,700

Yeah? So?

292

00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:12,700

Could you go to the kitchen

293
00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:15,600

and get me the turkey baster

labeled "mucous"?

294

00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:21,200

If I stand, I'll vomit.

295

00:21:22,700 --> 00:21:25,100

Under the sink,

yellow Tupper Ware bowl.

9999

00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00

<font color="#ffff00" size=14>www.tvsubtitles.net</font>

10000

00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:13,000

Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org

 The Big Bang Theory - 1x12 - The Jerusalem Duality

00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000

Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org

00:00:05,046 --> 00:00:07,404

Here's the problem with teleportation.

00:00:10,915 --> 00:00:12,164

Lay it on me.

00:00:12,801 --> 00:00:15,699

Assuming a device could be invented

which would identify

00:00:15,819 --> 00:00:18,438

the quantum state of matter

of an individual in one location

00:00:18,599 --> 00:00:21,688

and transmit that pattern to a

distant location for reassembly,

00:00:21,808 --> 00:00:23,859

you would not have transported

the individual.

00:00:24,020 --> 00:00:26,284

You would have destroyed him

in one location

00:00:26,404 --> 00:00:28,373

and recreated him in another.

00:00:30,310 --> 00:00:31,562

How about that.

10

00:00:33,154 --> 00:00:35,154

Personally,

I would never use a transporter,

11

00:00:35,274 --> 00:00:37,833

because the original Sheldon

would have to be disintegrated

12

00:00:37,953 --> 00:00:39,954

in order to create a new Sheldon.

13
00:00:41,163 --> 00:00:44,864

Would the new Sheldon be in any way

an improvement on the old Sheldon?

14

00:00:46,076 --> 00:00:48,112

No, he would be exactly the same.

15

00:00:48,461 --> 00:00:49,901

That is a problem.

16

00:00:50,673 --> 00:00:51,763

So you see it too.

17

00:00:52,903 --> 00:00:54,849

Dr. Hofstadter. Dr. Cooper.

18

00:00:55,059 --> 00:00:56,225

Dr. Gablehauser.

19

00:00:56,533 --> 00:00:58,727

Gentlemen, I'd like

you to meet Dennis Kim.

20

00:00:59,123 --> 00:01:01,822

Dennis is a highly sought-after

doctoral candidate,

21

00:01:01,942 --> 00:01:04,066

and we're hoping

he'll do his graduate work here.

22

00:01:04,227 --> 00:01:07,789

- Graduate work. Very impressive.

- And he's only 15 years old.

23

00:01:07,909 --> 00:01:11,347

Not bad... I, myself,

started graduate school at 14.

24

00:01:11,752 --> 00:01:15,203

Well, I lost a year while my family

was tunneling out of North Korea.

25

00:01:17,748 --> 00:01:19,135

Advantage: Kim.

26

00:01:20,959 --> 00:01:23,249

I thought maybe you boys

could show Dennis around.

27

00:01:23,369 --> 00:01:26,585

Let him see why we're the best physics

research facility in the country.

28

00:01:26,705 --> 00:01:28,050

I already know you're not.

29

00:01:28,170 --> 00:01:31,379

You don't have an Open Science Grid

computer or a free electron laser.

30

00:01:31,499 --> 00:01:34,389

The string theory research being done

here is nothing but a dead end.

31

00:01:34,550 --> 00:01:37,953

Excuse me, that is my research,

and it is by no means a dead end.

32

00:01:38,471 --> 00:01:41,061

Obviously you don't see it yet,

but trust me, you will.

33
00:01:43,954 --> 00:01:45,688

Dennis, we've discussed this.

34

00:01:45,808 --> 00:01:47,985

We're in the process

of updating our equipment,

35

00:01:48,146 --> 00:01:50,321

and we welcome your input

on our research goals.

36

00:01:50,483 --> 00:01:51,986

We've agreed to look the other way

37

00:01:52,106 --> 00:01:54,378

if you use up to 20%

of the grant money you attract

38

00:01:54,498 --> 00:01:56,578

to smuggle your grandfather

out of Pyongyang.

39

00:01:58,332 --> 00:02:00,257

We want him here, boys.

40

00:02:00,700 --> 00:02:02,378

- Make it happen.

- Yes, sir.

41

00:02:02,498 --> 00:02:04,285

You can count on us.

We're on it.

42

00:02:04,405 --> 00:02:06,504

What the hell do you mean, "dead end"?

43

00:02:07,097 --> 00:02:10,047

I mean, the whole landscape

of false vacuums in string theory

44

00:02:10,167 --> 00:02:13,454

could be as large as 10

to the 500th power. In addition...

45

00:02:13,829 --> 00:02:15,095

Look, chocolate milk.

46

00:02:18,248 --> 00:02:20,595

I sense a disturbance in the Force.

47

00:02:21,382 --> 00:02:23,883

A bad feeling I have about this.

48

00:02:44,500 --> 00:02:47,600

Season 1 Episode 12:

The Jerusalem Duality

00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:52,100

Dennis, how long

have you been in America?

00:02:52,300 --> 00:02:53,900

- A year and a half.

- No kidding.

00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:56,800

- You speak English really well.

- So do you.

00:02:57,600 --> 00:03:00,800

Except for your tendency

to end sentences with prepositions.

5
00:03:02,300 --> 00:03:04,200

What are you talking about?

00:03:05,500 --> 00:03:06,400

That.

00:03:07,700 --> 00:03:09,000

He's not wrong.

00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:12,300

All right... And this is my office.

00:03:12,500 --> 00:03:14,900

- Is this part of the tour?

- Nope. Goodbye.

10

00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:18,000

Sheldon,

we've hardly shown him anything.

11

00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:21,000

All right. This is my desk.

12

00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:24,800

These are my books; this is my door.

Please close it behind you. Goodbye.

13

00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:29,500

Looks like you're doing work

in quantum loop corrections.

14

00:03:29,700 --> 00:03:31,500

Keen observation. Goodbye.

15

00:03:32,300 --> 00:03:34,800

You see where you went wrong, don't you?

16

00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:39,300

Get him out.

17

00:03:40,100 --> 00:03:43,200

Come on. I'll show you the rec center.

They've got Nautilus equipment.

18

00:03:43,500 --> 00:03:45,100

Do I look like I lift weights?

19

00:03:46,300 --> 00:03:47,700

Not heavy ones.

20

00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:50,800

It's startling you haven't considered

21

00:03:50,900 --> 00:03:53,600

a Lorentz invariant

or field theory approach.

22

00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:55,400

You think I haven't considered it?

23

00:03:55,500 --> 00:03:57,600

You really think

I haven't considered it?

24

00:03:57,700 --> 00:03:59,200

Have you considered it?

25

00:04:00,500 --> 00:04:02,800

- Get him out, Leonard.

- Come on, Dennis.

26

00:04:02,900 --> 00:04:04,800

I'll show you the radiation lab.

27

00:04:06,100 --> 00:04:08,000

You won the Stevenson Award?

28

00:04:08,500 --> 00:04:12,100

Yes. In fact, I am

the youngest person ever to win it.

29

00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:14,700

Really? How old?

30

00:04:14,900 --> 00:04:16,300

Fourteen and a half.

31

00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:18,500

You were the youngest person

ever to win it.

32

00:04:22,300 --> 00:04:24,800

It's like looking into an obnoxious

little mirror, isn't it?

33

00:04:30,100 --> 00:04:32,100

This is really delicious, isn't it?

34

00:04:35,900 --> 00:04:38,500

Still can't talk to me

unless you're drunk, huh?

35

00:04:40,900 --> 00:04:43,100

Sweetie, you are so damaged.

36

00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:47,300

Hey, I'm damaged, too.

37

00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:49,900

How about a hug for Howie?

38

00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:52,700

Sure. Raj, hug Howard.

39

00:04:58,000 --> 00:04:59,600

Something you'd like to share?

40

00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:02,700

A tale of woe, perhaps?

41

00:05:03,700 --> 00:05:04,800

15 years old.

42

00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:08,800

Dennis Kim is 15 years old,

and he's already correcting my work.

43

00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:12,500

Today, I went from being

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, to...

44

00:05:13,100 --> 00:05:15,700

- You know, that other guy.

- Antonio Salieri?

45

00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:19,200

Oh God, now even you

are smarter than me.

46

00:05:20,500 --> 00:05:22,600

You know, you don't have so many friends

47

00:05:22,700 --> 00:05:24,800

that you can afford to

start insulting them.

48

00:05:25,900 --> 00:05:27,800

Just eat, Sheldon, you'll feel better.

49

00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:29,400

Why waste food?

50

00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:32,400

In Texas, when a cow goes dry,

they don't keep feeding it, they just...

51

00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:35,300

take her out and shoot

her between the eyes.

52

00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:38,500

I'm confused.

Did Sheldon stop giving milk?

53

00:05:40,300 --> 00:05:42,200

You can't let this kid get to you.

54

00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:45,800

You always knew that someday someone

younger and smarter would come along.

55

00:05:45,900 --> 00:05:48,700

Yes, but I assumed I would've

been dead hundreds of years

56

00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:52,100

and that there'd be an asterisk

by his name because he'd be a cyborg.

57

00:05:53,700 --> 00:05:57,100

So you've got a little competition.

I really don't see what the big deal is.

58

00:05:57,200 --> 00:06:00,200

Of course you don't.

You've never excelled at anything.

59

00:06:02,300 --> 00:06:05,900

I don't understand exactly how did

he get any friends in the first place?

60

00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,300

We liked Leonard.
61

00:06:10,500 --> 00:06:12,500

What are you gonna do, just give up?

62

00:06:14,300 --> 00:06:16,900

It's what a rational person does

when his entire life's work

63

00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:20,200

is invalidated

by a postpubescent Asian wunderkind.

64

00:06:21,500 --> 00:06:23,300

He ceases his fruitless efforts,

65

00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:25,900

he donates his body

to scientific research,

66

00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:27,600

and he waits to die.

67

00:06:29,700 --> 00:06:31,500

I'm confused again.

Is he waiting,

68

00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:34,100

or do we get to shoot

him between the eyes?

69

00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:42,200

I've decided you're right.

My career is not over.

70

00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:43,400

Great!

71

00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:46,200

Since the arrival of Dennis Kim

has rendered my research pointless,

72

00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:48,700

I just have to find something else

to focus on.

73

00:06:49,100 --> 00:06:50,000

Great!

74
00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:52,800

So I've decided.

I'm going to collaborate with you.

75

00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:56,900

Great.

76

00:06:57,700 --> 00:06:59,500

So what exactly is it you do?

77

00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:04,600

You chatter on about it all the time,

but I've never really paid attention.

78

00:07:05,500 --> 00:07:07,800

Right now, I'm designing an experiment

79

00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:10,300

to study the soft component

of cosmic radiation at see level,

80

00:07:10,500 --> 00:07:13,500

- but I really don't need any help.

- Sure you do.

81

00:07:14,300 --> 00:07:17,100

See, what's this here in the schematic?

Is that a laser array?

82

00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:18,600

- Yes.

- Now...

83

00:07:22,100 --> 00:07:25,100

What happens if you use argon lasers

instead of helium-neon?

84

00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:27,600

- It would blow up.

- Are you sure?

85

00:07:28,100 --> 00:07:29,200

Pretty sure.

86

00:07:29,300 --> 00:07:31,100

"Pretty sure" is not very scientific.

87

00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:34,500

Is this how you normally work?

Just hunches and guesses and stuff?

88

00:07:36,900 --> 00:07:39,800

I understand that you're going

through a bit of a career cris,

89

00:07:39,900 --> 00:07:42,000

you're searching for some other area

90

00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:44,100

where you can feel

valuable and productive,

91

00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:46,700

but I need to tell you something.

I want you to listen carefully.

92

00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,200

- All right.

- Go away.

93

00:07:52,100 --> 00:07:54,300

If you're concerned about

sharing credit with me,

94

00:07:54,500 --> 00:07:56,600

your name can go first...

I'm going.

95

00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:03,500

It's a small, brown paper bag, Ma!

96

00:08:03,700 --> 00:08:05,400

I'm looking in it right now.

97

00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:10,100

Why would I make that up?

There's no Ding Dong in it.

98

00:08:13,300 --> 00:08:16,500

How are two Ding Dongs tomorrow

gonna help me today?

99

00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:19,700

So...

100

00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:21,800

This is Engineering, huh?

101

00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:23,800

I'll talk to you later.

102

00:08:24,300 --> 00:08:25,500

Engineering.

103

00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:27,600

Where the noble semiskilled laborers

104

00:08:27,700 --> 00:08:30,100

execute the vision

of those who think and dream.

105

00:08:31,300 --> 00:08:33,300

Hello, Oompa-Loompas of science.

106

00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:37,700

Sheldon, what are you doing here?

107

00:08:38,300 --> 00:08:40,100

I just came by to say hello.

108

00:08:40,300 --> 00:08:43,000

I've been in this lab for 3 years.

You've never come by to say hello.

109

00:08:43,100 --> 00:08:45,600

Up until now,

I've had better things to do.

110

00:08:47,100 --> 00:08:49,000

So, what are we making today?

111

00:08:49,100 --> 00:08:51,100

A small payload support structure

112

00:08:51,300 --> 00:08:53,400

for a European science

experimental package

113

00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:57,100

- that's going up on a space shuttle.

- Really? How does it work?

114

00:08:57,200 --> 00:08:59,500

When this is done, it will be

attached to the payload bay,

115

00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:02,200

and the sensor apparatus

will rest on it.

116

00:09:05,100 --> 00:09:06,500

So, it's a shelf.

117

00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:12,700

No, you don't understand.

During acceleration,

118

00:09:12,900 --> 00:09:15,200

it needs to stay perfectly level

and provide...

119

00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:16,700

Yeah, it's a shelf.

120

00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:19,300

I notice you're using titanium.

121

00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:21,800

Did you give any consideration

to carbon nanotubes?
122

00:09:21,900 --> 00:09:25,400

They're lighter, cheaper,

and have twice the tensile strength.

123

00:09:26,100 --> 00:09:27,800

There's a diploma in my office

124

00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:30,400

that says I have a

master's in engineering.

125

00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:34,400

You also have a note from your mother

that says, "I love you, Bubula."

126

00:09:36,700 --> 00:09:40,100

But neither of those is a cogent

argument for titanium over nanotubes.

127

00:09:42,300 --> 00:09:43,800

Go away!

128

00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:46,600

Did Leonard tell you to say that?

129

00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:48,900

No, I thought of it all by myself.

130

00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:53,900

That can't be a coincidence.

131

00:09:54,300 --> 00:09:56,900

There must be

some causal link I'm missing.

132

00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,600

Go away!

133

00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:12,300

Curiouser and curiouser.

00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:20,200

- Is he here?

- If he were, I wouldn't be.

00:10:21,300 --> 00:10:24,000

Do you know what he did?

He watched me work for 10 min,

00:10:24,100 --> 00:10:28,100

and then started to design a simple

piece of software that could replace me.

00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:30,800

Is that even possible?

00:10:31,100 --> 00:10:32,700

As it turns out, yes.

00:10:34,500 --> 00:10:36,400

Something's got to be done about him.

00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:39,100

Like what? He'll never be

able to cope with the fact

00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:42,400

that some 15-year-old kid is smarter

and more accomplished than he is.

00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:45,100

What if something happened to this boy

10

00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:47,200

so he was no longer a threat to Sheldon?

11

00:10:48,900 --> 00:10:50,800

Then our problem would be solved.

12

00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:54,600

Hang on, are we talking

about murdering Dennis Kim?

13

00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:57,300

I'm not saying no.

14

00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:01,600

We don't have to go that far.

There are other means available.

15

00:11:01,700 --> 00:11:03,900

We can't send him back to North Korea.

16

00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:06,000

He knows how to get out.

17

00:11:08,100 --> 00:11:11,400

The only thing we need to do

is make this Kim kid lose his focus.

18

00:11:11,500 --> 00:11:14,400

Won't happen. He is not interested

in anything but physics.

19

00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:16,300

- What about biology?

- What?

20

00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:18,100

You know, biology.

21

00:11:19,700 --> 00:11:22,900

The one thing that can completely

derail a world-class mind.

22

00:11:23,300 --> 00:11:24,100

He's 15.

23

00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:27,000

Yeah, so? When I was 15,

I met Denise Palmeri

24

00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:30,200

and my grade point average

fell from a 5.0 to a 1.8.

25

00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:32,700

She was sleeping with you?

26

00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:34,200

No, I just...

27

00:11:34,500 --> 00:11:37,500

wasted a lot of time thinking

about what it would be like if she did.

28

00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:41,000

Oh, good, you're all here.

29

00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:43,000

Look, if the three of you drop

30

00:11:43,100 --> 00:11:45,100

whatever it is you're working on

and join me,

31

00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:48,900

we could lick cold fusion in less

than a decade. 12 years, tops.

32

00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:52,700

Go away?

33

00:11:57,100 --> 00:11:58,300

Could it be me?

34

00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:03,200

What's up?

35

00:12:03,400 --> 00:12:06,800

We need a hot 15-year-old Asian girl

with a thing for smart guys.

36

00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:08,400

What?

37

00:12:08,500 --> 00:12:11,900

Howard, that's racist.

Any 15-year-old girl will do the trick.

38

00:12:18,700 --> 00:12:21,400

It's possible she may have

misunderstood us.

39

00:12:27,700 --> 00:12:29,700

Dr. Cooper.

Are we interrupting?

40

00:12:29,900 --> 00:12:32,400

No, please come in.

I think you'll appreciate this.

41

00:12:32,500 --> 00:12:33,900

This is very exciting.

42

00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:36,200

- What are you working on?

- Something remarkable.

43

00:12:36,300 --> 00:12:38,800

Since my prospects for the Nobel prize

in physics have disappeared

44

00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:40,600

thank you very much,

45

00:12:40,700 --> 00:12:43,000

I've decided to refocus my efforts

46

00:12:43,100 --> 00:12:45,600

and use my people skills

to win the Nobel peace prize.

47

00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:48,200

I will solve

the Middle East crisis

48

00:12:48,500 --> 00:12:50,600

by building an exact replica

of Jerusalem

49

00:12:50,800 --> 00:12:53,000

in the middle of the Mexican desert.

50

00:12:53,900 --> 00:12:54,900

To what end?
51

00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:56,900

It's like the baseball movie.

52

00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:58,900

"Build it and they will come."

53

00:13:00,300 --> 00:13:01,300

Who will come?

54

00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:02,900

The Jewish people.

55

00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:06,800

- What if they don't come?

- We'll make it nice, put out a spread.

56

00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:10,500

Okay, well, speaking of spreads,

57

00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:13,500

we're having a small welcoming party

this afternoon for Mr. Kim

58

00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:16,000

who's agreed to join us here

at the university.

59

00:13:16,100 --> 00:13:17,500

Of course he has.

60

00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:20,400

The Oracle told us

little Neo was the one.

61

00:13:22,900 --> 00:13:25,000

You can see the matrix, can't you?

62

00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:29,000

Well, obviously you're very busy

with your...

63

00:13:29,700 --> 00:13:30,900

Come, Dennis.

64

00:13:32,500 --> 00:13:35,900

You'll have to excuse Dr. Cooper.

He's been under a lot of...

65

00:13:36,500 --> 00:13:37,700

He's nuts.

66

00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:48,000

They'll come, they'll settle,

and I'll win the prize.

67

00:13:49,900 --> 00:13:52,700

I really don't understand

your objections, professor Goldfarb.

68

00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:56,500

Why wouldn't the Sonora desert

make a perfectly good promised land?

69

00:13:57,400 --> 00:13:58,400

Go away.

70

00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:02,600

We could call it Nuevo Jerusalem.

71

00:14:03,700 --> 00:14:05,100

Please go away.
72

00:14:06,300 --> 00:14:08,000

Said Pharaoh to Moses.

73

00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:11,600

Why are all these young women here?

74

00:14:11,700 --> 00:14:13,500

It's Take Your Daughter To Work Day.

75

00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:16,000

Really?

I was not aware of that.

76

00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:18,500

Yes. There was a very official e-mail

77

00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:21,200

sent to everyone

whose insurance files indicated

78

00:14:21,300 --> 00:14:23,900

they had daughters between

the ages of 14 and 16.

79

00:14:25,500 --> 00:14:26,900

- Smooth.

- Thank you.

80

00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:30,800

There's the man of the hour.

81

00:14:32,500 --> 00:14:34,900

Okay, so we now have

a socially-awkward genius

82

00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:37,300

in a room full of attractive,

age-appropriate women.

83

00:14:37,500 --> 00:14:39,800

All he has to do now is

hook up with one of them.

84

00:14:47,900 --> 00:14:50,100

Anyone else see the flaw in this plan?

85

00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:54,100

- We need a social catalyst.

- Like what?

86

00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:56,400

We can't get 15-year-old girls drunk.

87

00:14:57,400 --> 00:14:59,100

- Or can we?

- No, we can't.

88

00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:03,300

I don't think you mean "we can't."

I think you mean "we shouldn't."

89

00:15:04,600 --> 00:15:07,700

You're a Jew.

If there was another Wailing Wall

90

00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:09,600

exactly like the one in Jerusalem

91

00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:12,200

but close to taco stands

and cheap prescription drugs,

92

00:15:12,300 --> 00:15:14,100

would you still be able to wail at it?

93

00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:18,300

Okay, it's definitely me.

94

00:15:20,900 --> 00:15:23,400

We cannot leave this to chance.

Let's pick a girl

95

00:15:23,500 --> 00:15:26,400

and figure out how to get her

together with Dennis.

96

00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:28,300

How about that one?

97

00:15:29,100 --> 00:15:30,200

I know the type.

98

00:15:30,300 --> 00:15:32,500

Cheerleader, student council,

goes out with the jocks,

99

00:15:32,700 --> 00:15:34,800

won't even look at anybody

in the gifted program.

100

00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:37,200

If after 2 years of begging,

she agrees to go out with you,

101

00:15:37,300 --> 00:15:40,200

it turns out to be a setup and you're

in your mom's car with your pants off

102

00:15:40,300 --> 00:15:42,300

while the whole football team

laughs at y...

103

00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:48,000

- Are you crying?

- No, I have allergies.

104

00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:50,900

Okay...

105

00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:52,600

How about her?

106

00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:56,000

Sure, if he wants to spend two years

107

00:15:56,100 --> 00:15:58,700

doing her homework

while she drinks herself into a stupor

108

00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:00,300

with nonfat White Russians.

109

00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:02,900

You're holding her head

out of the toilet while she's puking

110

00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:05,100

and telling you she wishes

"more guys were like you."

111

00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:07,300

Then she gets into Cornell

because you wrote her essay

112
00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:09,500

for her and you drive up

to visit her one weekend

113

00:16:09,700 --> 00:16:11,700

and she acts

like she doesn't even know you.

114

00:16:14,700 --> 00:16:16,200

Okay, so not her, either.

115

00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:19,100

How about her?

116

00:16:19,800 --> 00:16:21,200

Interesting,

kind of pretty,

117

00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:23,700

a little chubby,

so probably low self-esteem.

118

00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:26,400

I think that's our girl.

One of us should go talk to her.

119

00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:28,400

I can't talk to her... you do it.

120

00:16:28,500 --> 00:16:31,800

I can't just go up and talk to her.

Howard, you talk to her.

121

00:16:32,900 --> 00:16:36,000

She'll never go for the kid

once she gets a peek at this.

122

00:16:38,500 --> 00:16:40,100

In India, this would be simpler.

123

00:16:40,300 --> 00:16:43,400

5 min with her dad, 20 goats

and a laptop, and we'd be done.

124

00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:47,300

- We're not in India.

- Why don't we do it your way then?

125

00:16:47,500 --> 00:16:50,100

We'll arrange for this girl

to move in across the hall from Dennis

126

00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:52,800

so he can pathetically

moon over her for months on end.

127

00:16:54,900 --> 00:16:57,600

- Okay, that was uncalled for.

- You started it, dude.

128

00:16:58,700 --> 00:17:00,800

Could I have everyone's

attention, please?

129

00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:04,700

What a wonderful occasion this is,

130

00:17:05,100 --> 00:17:07,100

and how fortunate

that it should happen to fall

131

00:17:07,300 --> 00:17:09,200

on Take Your Daughter to Work Day.

132

00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:13,800

We're here to welcome

Mr. Dennis Kim to our little family.

133

00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:15,700

Welcome, Dennis Kim.

134

00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:18,300

Mr. Kim

135

00:17:18,500 --> 00:17:21,400

was not only the valedictorian

at Stanford University,

136

00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:24,500

he is also the youngest recipient

137

00:17:24,700 --> 00:17:26,600

of the prestigious Stevenson Award.

138

00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:28,900

Youngest till the cyborgs rise up!

139
00:17:30,100 --> 00:17:32,100

And now, without any further ado,

140

00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:34,500

let me introduce

the man of the hour,

141

00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:36,300

Mr. Dennis Kim.

142

00:17:42,300 --> 00:17:43,100

What?!

143

00:17:44,900 --> 00:17:47,600

Would you like to tell us a little bit

about your upcoming research?

144

00:17:48,100 --> 00:17:50,400

No, thanks.

I'm going to the mall with Emma.

145

00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:57,800

The kid got a girl.

146
00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:00,300

Unbelievable.

147

00:18:01,100 --> 00:18:03,000

Did anyone see how he did it?

148

00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:06,600

Don't worry, I've got this.

149

00:18:07,100 --> 00:18:08,700

Ladies and gentlemen,

150

00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:10,600

honored daughters,

151

00:18:11,100 --> 00:18:14,400

while Mr. Kim,

by virtue of his youth and naivete,

152

00:18:14,500 --> 00:18:17,700

has fallen prey to the inexplicable need

for human contact,

153

00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:21,700

let me step in and assure you that

my research will go on uninterrupted,

154

00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:25,700

and that social relationships

will continue to baffle and repulse me.

155

00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:28,500

Thank you.

156

00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:33,600

- He's back.

- Mission accomplished.

157

00:18:33,900 --> 00:18:37,000

Forget the mission. How did

that little yutz get a girl on his own?

158

00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:40,100

I guess times have changed

since we were young.

159

00:18:40,300 --> 00:18:42,000

Smart is the new sexy.

160

00:18:43,100 --> 00:18:45,900

Then why do we go home

alone every night? We're still smart.

161

00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:48,100

Maybe we're too smart.

162

00:18:48,500 --> 00:18:50,000

So smart it's off-putting.

163

00:18:51,500 --> 00:18:53,100

Yeah, let's go with that.

00:18:58,100 --> 00:18:59,200

Unbelievable.

00:18:59,500 --> 00:19:02,100

Components I built

are on the International Space Station

00:19:02,300 --> 00:19:04,800

and I get a ticket for launching

a model rocket in the park.

4

00:19:04,900 --> 00:19:07,200

I don't know if the ticket was

so much for the launch

00:19:07,300 --> 00:19:09,300

as it was for you telling

the policewoman,

00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:12,300

"You have to frisk me.

I have another rocket in my pants."

00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:14,100

Look at that.

00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:17,400

It's Dennis Kim.

00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:20,500

I almost didn't recognize him.

10

00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:23,400

I kind of feel bad

about what we did to him.

11

00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:29,700

Yeah, we really ruined his life.

12

00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:33,200

Screw him...

He was weak.

9999

00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00

<font color="#ffff00" size=14>www.tvsubtitles.net</font>

10000

00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:13,000

Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org

 The Big Bang Theory - 1x13 - The Bat Jar Conjecture

00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000

Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org

00:00:01,065 --> 00:00:03,048

More details about

the new <i>Star Trek</i> film.

00:00:03,507 --> 00:00:06,897

There's going to be a scene

depicting Spock's birth.

00:00:07,545 --> 00:00:10,472

I'd be more interested in a scene

depicting Spock's conception.

00:00:11,841 --> 00:00:12,779

Oh, please.

00:00:12,899 --> 00:00:16,274

For Vulcans, mating...

or if you will, PonFahr...

6
00:00:17,489 --> 00:00:21,002

- it's an extremely private matter.

- Still, I'd like to know the details.

00:00:21,122 --> 00:00:23,047

His mother was human.

His father is Vulcan.

00:00:23,167 --> 00:00:25,832

- They couldn't just conceive.

- Maybe they had to go to a clinic.

00:00:25,952 --> 00:00:27,944

Can you imagine Spock's Dad

in a little room

10

00:00:28,064 --> 00:00:30,599

with a copy of

Pointy Ears and Shapely Rears.

11

00:00:32,264 --> 00:00:34,829

How come on <i>Star Trek</i>

everybody's private parts are the same?

12

00:00:35,712 --> 00:00:39,533

No alien lady ever told Captain Kirk,

"Hey, get your thing out of my nose."

13

00:00:42,511 --> 00:00:43,737

Hi. Can you help me?

14

00:00:43,857 --> 00:00:46,119

I was writing an e-mail

and the "A" key got stuck.

15

00:00:46,239 --> 00:00:47,960

Now it's just going "Aaa..."

16

00:00:49,087 --> 00:00:51,263

- What'd you spill on it?

- Nothing.

17

00:00:52,351 --> 00:00:53,305

Diet Coke.

18

00:00:55,155 --> 00:00:56,202

And yogurt.

19

00:00:56,912 --> 00:00:58,269

And a little nail polish.

20

00:00:58,431 --> 00:00:59,896

I'll take a look at it.

21

00:01:00,326 --> 00:01:03,130

Gentlemen,

switching to local nerd news...

22

00:01:03,457 --> 00:01:06,157

Fishman, Chen, Chaudury and McNair

aren't fielding a team

23

00:01:06,277 --> 00:01:08,154

in the university Physics Bowl

this year.

24

00:01:08,314 --> 00:01:09,655

You're kidding. Why not?

25

00:01:09,816 --> 00:01:12,252

They formed a barbershop quartet

and got a gig

26
00:01:12,372 --> 00:01:14,145

playing Knott's Berry Farm.

27

00:01:15,795 --> 00:01:17,234

So, in your world,

28

00:01:17,777 --> 00:01:19,462

you're like the cool guys.

29

00:01:20,726 --> 00:01:21,885

Recognize.

30

00:01:24,122 --> 00:01:26,321

This is our year.

With those guys out,

31

00:01:26,441 --> 00:01:28,549

the entire Physics Bowl

will kneel before Zod.

32

00:01:29,203 --> 00:01:30,047

Zod?

33

00:01:30,254 --> 00:01:31,886

Kryptonian villain. Long story.

34

00:01:32,046 --> 00:01:33,087

Good story.

35

00:01:36,718 --> 00:01:38,976

- Count me out.

- What? Why?

36

00:01:39,345 --> 00:01:42,355

You want me to use my intelligence

in a tawdry competition?

37

00:01:42,995 --> 00:01:45,388

Would you ask Picasso

to play Pictionary?

38

00:01:46,466 --> 00:01:48,896

Would you ask Noah Webster

to play Boggle?

39

00:01:49,858 --> 00:01:52,559

Would you ask Jacques Cousteau

to play Go Fish?
40

00:01:54,027 --> 00:01:57,040

Come on, you need a four-person team.

We're four people.

41

00:01:57,160 --> 00:02:00,288

By that reasoning we should also

play Bridge, hold up a chuppah

42

00:02:00,408 --> 00:02:02,838

and enter the Olympic

bobsled competition.

43

00:02:03,654 --> 00:02:05,253

Tickets to that, please.

44

00:02:06,331 --> 00:02:10,174

Sheldon, what, do I need to quote

Spock's dying words to you?

45

00:02:10,335 --> 00:02:11,468

No, don't.

46

00:02:12,417 --> 00:02:14,054

"The needs of the many...

47

00:02:14,214 --> 00:02:16,221

"... outweigh the needs of the few.

48

00:02:16,383 --> 00:02:17,445

"Or the one."

49

00:02:18,500 --> 00:02:19,937

Damn it, I'll do it.

50

00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:44,100

Season 1 Episode 13:

The Bat Jar Conjecture

00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:49,000

First order of Physics Bowl business.

00:02:49,700 --> 00:02:53,100

We need a truly kick-ass team name.

Suggestions?

00:02:53,500 --> 00:02:55,900

How about the Perpetual Motion Squad?

4

00:02:57,100 --> 00:03:00,900

It's beyond the laws of physics,

plus a little heads-up for the ladies.

00:03:01,700 --> 00:03:02,600

The ladies?

00:03:02,700 --> 00:03:05,800

"Perpetual Motion Squad...

we can go all night."

00:03:06,700 --> 00:03:08,500

- I like it.

- I don't.

00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:11,500

Teams are traditionally

named after fierce creatures,

00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:13,700

thus intimidating one's opponent.

10

00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:16,500

- Then we could be the Bengal tigers.

- Poor choice.

11

00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:18,700

Gram for gram,

no animal exceeds

12

00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:21,400

the relative fighting strength

of the army ant.

13

00:03:22,300 --> 00:03:23,300

Maybe so,

14

00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:26,500

but you can't incinerate a Bengal tiger

with a magnifying glass.

15

00:03:30,100 --> 00:03:32,100

Let's put it to a vote.

All those in favor...

16

00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:33,300

Point of order.

17
00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:35,900

I move that any vote on team names

must be unanimous.

18

00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:38,700

No man should be forced to emblazon

his chest with a Bengal tiger

19

00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:41,600

when common sense dictates

it should be an army ant.

20

00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:45,600

Will the gentleman from the great

State of Denial yield for a question?

21

00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:47,400

I will yield.

22

00:03:47,500 --> 00:03:50,400

After we go through the exercise

of an annoying series of votes,

23

00:03:50,500 --> 00:03:53,500

all of which the gentleman will lose,

does he then intend to threaten to quit

24

00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:55,500

- if he does not get his way?

- He does.

25

00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:58,000

I move we are the Army Ants.

All those in favor?

26

00:04:00,100 --> 00:04:03,600

Good afternoon, and welcome

to today's Physics Bowl practice round.

27

00:04:03,700 --> 00:04:05,400

I'm Penny,

and I'll be your host

28

00:04:05,500 --> 00:04:07,800

because apparently

I didn't have anything else to do

29

00:04:07,900 --> 00:04:11,200

on a Saturday afternoon,

and isn't that just a little sad?

30

00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:14,300

Gentlemen, ready?

31

00:04:14,500 --> 00:04:15,900

- Yes.

- Fire away.

32

00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:18,000

It's none of my business,

but isn't a guy

33

00:04:18,100 --> 00:04:20,800

who can't speak in front of women

gonna hold you back a little?

34

00:04:20,900 --> 00:04:23,400

He'll be okay once the women

are mixed into the crowd.

35

00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:26,800

He only has a problem

when they're one-on-one and smell nice.

36
00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:29,500

Thanks, Raj. It's vanilla oil.

37

00:04:29,900 --> 00:04:32,900

I was actually the one who noticed.

Okay, let's just start.

38

00:04:33,500 --> 00:04:36,300

Okay, the first question

is on the topic of optics.

39

00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:38,600

"What is the shortest

light pulse ever produced?"

40

00:04:39,500 --> 00:04:41,100

- Dr. Cooper.

- And of course,

41

00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:42,900

the answer is 130 attoseconds.

42

00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:45,100

- That is correct.

- I knew that, too.

43

00:04:45,900 --> 00:04:48,900

Good for you, sweetie.

Okay, next question:

44

00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:50,800

"What is the quantum mechanical effect

45

00:04:50,900 --> 00:04:53,000

"used to encode data

on hard-disk drives?"

46

00:04:54,700 --> 00:04:57,200

And of course the answer is

giant magnetoresistance.

47

00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:59,200

- Right.

- Hey, I buzzed in.

48

00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:01,800

And I answered.

It's called teamwork.

49
00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:06,300

Don't you think I should answer

the engineering questions?

50

00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:07,600

I am an engineer.

51

00:05:07,900 --> 00:05:10,400

By that logic I should answer

all the anthropology questions

52

00:05:10,500 --> 00:05:12,000

because I'm a mammal.

53

00:05:14,900 --> 00:05:16,200

Just ask another one.

54

00:05:17,700 --> 00:05:19,900

"What artificial satellite

has seen glimpses

55

00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:22,000

of Einstein's predicted

frame dragging?"
56

00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:25,300

And of course,

it's Gravity Probe B.

57

00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:28,400

Sheldon, you have to let

somebody else answer.

58

00:05:28,700 --> 00:05:29,400

Why?

59

00:05:29,700 --> 00:05:30,900

Because it's polite.

60

00:05:31,500 --> 00:05:33,500

What do manners

have to do with it?

61

00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:34,800

This is war.

62

00:05:35,700 --> 00:05:38,300

Were the Romans polite

when they salted the ground of Carthage

63

00:05:38,500 --> 00:05:40,500

to make sure

nothing would ever grow again?

64

00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:44,000

Leonard, you said

I only had to ask questions.

65

00:05:46,100 --> 00:05:48,600

The objective of the competion

is to give correct answers.

66

00:05:48,700 --> 00:05:50,700

If I know them,

why shouldn't I give them?

67

00:05:50,900 --> 00:05:53,400

Some of us might have

the correct answers, too.

68

00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:55,600

Oh, please.

You don't even have a PhD.

69

00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:58,000

- All right, that's it!

- Howard, sit down.

70

00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:03,400

- Maybe we should take a little break.

- Good idea. I need my wrist brace.

71

00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:06,700

All this button-pushing

is aggravating my old Nintendo injury.

72

00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:09,100

I agree.

73

00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:10,800

What did he say?

74

00:06:11,100 --> 00:06:12,500

He compared Sheldon

75

00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:15,700

to a disposable feminine

cleansing product
76

00:06:15,900 --> 00:06:18,000

one might use

on a summer's eve.

77

00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:22,300

Yeah, and the bag it came in.

78

00:06:26,900 --> 00:06:29,100

Leonard, excellent.

I want to show you something.

79

00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:31,100

Can it wait?

I need to talk to you.

80

00:06:31,300 --> 00:06:34,600

Just look. I've designed

the perfect uniforms for our team.

81

00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:37,100

The colors are based

on <i>Star Trek: The Original Series</i>.

82
00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:40,700

The three of you will wear Support Red,

and I will wear Command Gold.

83

00:06:42,700 --> 00:06:44,000

Why do they say "AA"?

84

00:06:44,700 --> 00:06:45,700

Army Ants.

85

00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:50,900

Isn't that confusing? "AA" might mean

something else to certain people.

86

00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:55,100

Why would a Physics Bowl team

be called Anodized Aluminum?

87

00:06:56,300 --> 00:06:57,400

No, I meant...

88

00:06:58,600 --> 00:06:59,600

Never mind.

89
00:07:00,700 --> 00:07:01,700

Check it out,

90

00:07:02,300 --> 00:07:05,200

I got you a <i>Batman</i> cookie jar.

91

00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:08,400

Oh, neat!

What's the occasion?

92

00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:11,000

Well, you're a friend,

and you like <i>Batman</i>

93

00:07:11,100 --> 00:07:13,300

and cookies,

and you're off the team.

94

00:07:17,100 --> 00:07:18,000

What?

95

00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:20,600

Howard, Raj and I

just had a team meeting.

96

00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:23,200

- No, you didn't.

- Yes, we did. I just came from there.

97

00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:25,500

Okay, I don't know

where you just came from,

98

00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:28,600

but it could'nt have been a team meeting

because I wasn't there.

99

00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:30,600

Ergo, the team did not meet.

100

00:07:31,500 --> 00:07:33,400

Okay, let me try it this way:

101

00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:37,100

I was at a coffee klatch

with a couple of friends,

102

00:07:37,300 --> 00:07:40,500

and one thing led to another,

and it turns out you're off the team.

103

00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:42,600

Why?

104

00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:44,900

Because you're taking

all the fun out of it.

105

00:07:45,300 --> 00:07:49,000

I'm sorry, is the winner of the Physics

Bowl the team that has the most fun?

106

00:07:49,300 --> 00:07:50,900

Okay, let me try it this way:

107

00:07:51,100 --> 00:07:54,300

You're annoying and no one

wants to play with you anymore.

108

00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:57,500

I see.

109

00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:02,000

At this point I should inform you

110

00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:04,700

that I intend to form my own team

111

00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:08,200

and destroy the molecular bonds

that bind your very matter together

112

00:08:08,300 --> 00:08:11,300

and reduce the resulting

particulate chaos to tears.

113

00:08:14,100 --> 00:08:15,700

Thanks for the heads-up.

114

00:08:16,500 --> 00:08:17,500

You're welcome.

115

00:08:19,300 --> 00:08:20,700

- One more thing.

- Yes?

116

00:08:20,900 --> 00:08:22,100

It's on, bitch.

00:08:30,900 --> 00:08:33,700

- So who'd he get to be on his team?

- He won't say.

00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:37,200

He just smiles and eats

macaroons out of his bat jar.

00:08:38,700 --> 00:08:40,300

He's using psychological warfare.

00:08:40,700 --> 00:08:44,200

We must reply in kind.

I say we wait until he looks at us,

00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:47,900

then laugh like, "Yes, you are

a smart and strong competitor,

00:08:48,100 --> 00:08:49,900

"but we are also smart and strong,

7
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:52,700

and we have a reasonable

chance of defeating you."

00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:56,500

How exactly would that laugh go?

00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:04,700

That sounds more like,

"We are a tall, thin woman

10

00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:07,400

who wants to make a

coat out of your Dalmatians."

11

00:09:09,900 --> 00:09:13,100

Let's remember that Sheldon

is still our friend and my roommate.

12

00:09:13,300 --> 00:09:14,100

So?

13

00:09:15,100 --> 00:09:16,900

So nothing.

Let's destroy him.

14

00:09:18,300 --> 00:09:19,300

Gentlemen.

15

00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:29,900

We're going to need

a strong fourth for our team.

16

00:09:30,300 --> 00:09:33,800

You know who is apparently very smart

is the girl who played <i>TV's Blossom</i>.

17

00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:37,800

She got a PhD. in neuroscience

or something.

18

00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:41,800

Raj, we're not getting <i>TV's Blossom</i>

to join our Physics Bowl team.

19

00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:46,100

How about the girl

from <i>The Wonder Years</i>?

20
00:09:47,900 --> 00:09:51,500

Gentlemen, I believe I've found

the solution to all our problems.

21

00:09:53,900 --> 00:09:55,600

We can't ask Leslie Winkle.

22

00:09:55,900 --> 00:09:58,600

Why? Because you slept together,

and when she was done with you

23

00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:01,200

she discarded you

like last night's chutney?

24

00:10:05,300 --> 00:10:06,200

Yes.

25

00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:09,400

Sometimes you've got

to take one for the team.

26

00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:11,100

Sack up, dude.

27

00:10:12,900 --> 00:10:13,700

Fine.

28

00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:17,800

Here I go, taking one for the team...

29

00:10:18,100 --> 00:10:19,200

in the sack.

30

00:10:22,500 --> 00:10:24,700

- Hey, Leslie.

- Hi, guys.

31

00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,200

So, Leslie,

I have a question for you,

32

00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:31,300

and it might be a little awkward,

you know, given that I...

33

00:10:31,700 --> 00:10:32,900

Hit that thing.

34

00:10:36,500 --> 00:10:38,700

Leonard, there's no reason

to feel uncomfortable

35

00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:40,700

just because we've seen

each other's faces

36

00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:43,900

and naked bodies contorted

in the sweet agony of coitus.

37

00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:46,400

There's not?

38

00:10:46,500 --> 00:10:49,100

Gee, 'cause it sure sounds

like there should be.

39

00:10:49,900 --> 00:10:52,600

Rest assured that any aspects

of our sexual relationship

40

00:10:52,700 --> 00:10:56,000

regarding your preferences,

your idiosyncrasies, your performance

41

00:10:56,100 --> 00:10:59,100

are still protected by the inherent

confidentiality of the bedroom.

42

00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:01,000

That's all very comforting,

but if it's okay,

43

00:11:01,100 --> 00:11:03,100

I'd like to get on

to my question now.

44

00:11:03,700 --> 00:11:04,500

Proceed.

45

00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:08,400

We are entering the Physics Bowl,

and we need a fourth for our team.

46

00:11:08,500 --> 00:11:12,000

No, thanks. I'm really busy with my

like-sign dilepton supersymmetry search.

47

00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:14,400

Dilepton, shmylepton.

We need you.

48

00:11:15,900 --> 00:11:16,800

Sorry.

49

00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:19,400

Well, we tried.

50

00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:23,400

We'll just have to face Sheldonmano

y mano y mano a mano.

51

00:11:24,300 --> 00:11:26,500

Wait, you're going up

against Sheldon Cooper?

52

00:11:27,700 --> 00:11:30,600

That arrogant, misogynistic,

East Texas doorknob

53

00:11:30,700 --> 00:11:33,400

that told me I should abandon

my work with high-energy particles

54

00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:35,800

for laundry and childbearing?

55

00:11:38,900 --> 00:11:39,900

She's in.

56

00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:44,300

So, how do you feel?

57

00:11:44,700 --> 00:11:47,800

Nice and loose? Come to play?

Got your game face on?

58

00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:50,400

Are you ready?

59

00:11:51,300 --> 00:11:53,900

Yeah. You know, you don't have

to stay for the whole thing.

60

00:11:54,100 --> 00:11:56,800

Oh, no. I want to.

Sounds really interesting.

61

00:12:03,700 --> 00:12:04,600

Gentlemen.

62

00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:14,900

I'm just gonna sit down.

63

00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:20,500

So, is that your team?

64

00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:22,400

Actually, I don't need a team.

65

00:12:22,500 --> 00:12:24,400

I could easily defeat you

single-handedly,

66

00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:26,400

but the rules require four.

67

00:12:26,500 --> 00:12:29,500

So, may I introduce

the third-floor janitor,

68

00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:32,500

the lady from the lunch room,

and my Spanish is not good...

69

00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:34,400

either her son or her butcher.

70

00:12:35,500 --> 00:12:37,100

And what about your team?

71

00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:40,100

What rat have you recruited

to the S.S. Sinking Ship?

72

00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:41,300

Hello, Sheldon.

73

00:12:44,900 --> 00:12:45,900

Leslie Winkle.

74

00:12:46,300 --> 00:12:48,700

Yeah, Leslie Winkle.

The answer to the question,

75

00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:51,500

"Who made Sheldon Cooper cry

like a little girl?"

76

00:12:53,300 --> 00:12:56,800

Well, I'm polymerized tree sap,

and you're an inorganic adhesive.

77

00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:59,700

So whatever verbal projectile

you launch in my direction

78

00:12:59,900 --> 00:13:02,500

is reflected off of me,

returns on its original trajectory

79

00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:03,800

and adheres to you.

80

00:13:04,900 --> 00:13:06,200

Oh, ouch!

81
00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:10,100

Okay, if everyone could

please take your seats.

82

00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:19,400

Here's your T-shirt.

83

00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:24,000

PMS?

84

00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:26,300

It's a couple days early...

85

00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:31,200

It stands for "Perpetual Motion Squad."

86

00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:33,300

Of course.

What was I thinking?

87

00:13:35,300 --> 00:13:36,700

Good afternoon, everyone,

88

00:13:36,800 --> 00:13:39,800

and welcome to this year's Physics Bowl!

89

00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:45,300

Today's preliminary match

features two great teams.

90

00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:48,100

AA versus...

91

00:13:49,300 --> 00:13:50,200

PMS.

92

00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:52,300

All night long, y'all!

93

00:13:57,400 --> 00:14:01,300

Okay, well, let's jump right in.

First question for ten points:

94

00:14:01,700 --> 00:14:04,400

"What is the iso-spin singlet partner

95

00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:06,200

"of the pi-zero meson?"

96

00:14:07,300 --> 00:14:08,100

PMS?

97

00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:09,800

- The eta meson.

- Correct.

98

00:14:12,500 --> 00:14:14,300

- Formal protest.

- On what grounds?

99

00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:17,000

The Velcro on my wrist brace

caught on my shirt.

100

00:14:17,500 --> 00:14:20,500

Denied.

All right, for ten points,

101

00:14:20,700 --> 00:14:23,000

"What is the lightest element on Earth

102

00:14:23,100 --> 00:14:24,900

"with no stable isotope?"

103

00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:26,000

AA?

104

00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:28,100

And of course,

the answer is technetium.

105

00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:29,000

Terrific.

106

00:14:30,300 --> 00:14:31,400

Next question:

107

00:14:31,500 --> 00:14:34,100

"What is the force between

two uncharged plates

108

00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:36,400

"due to quantum vacuum fluctuations?"

109

00:14:36,900 --> 00:14:37,700

PMS?
110

00:14:37,900 --> 00:14:40,300

Sheldon can suck on...

the Casimir effect.

111

00:14:40,500 --> 00:14:41,300

Correct.

112

00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:50,100

How does a quantum computer

factor large numbers?

113

00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:51,500

PMS?

114

00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:53,300

- Shor's algorithm.

- Correct!

115

00:14:57,600 --> 00:15:00,500

4.1855 times ten

to the seventh ergs per calorie.

116

00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:02,700

Prevost's theory of exchanges.

117

00:15:03,300 --> 00:15:05,400

Lambda equals one

over pi r squared n.

118

00:15:05,900 --> 00:15:07,600

760 degrees Celsius...

119

00:15:07,700 --> 00:15:10,600

the approximate temperature

of the young lady in the front row.

120

00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:13,800

Mr. Wolowitz,

this is your second warning.

121

00:15:15,500 --> 00:15:16,700

A sigma particle.

122

00:15:17,100 --> 00:15:20,400

Yes, assuming the hypothetical planet

has a mass greater than the Earth.

123
00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:21,400

Correct!

124

00:15:26,900 --> 00:15:30,700

Ladies and gentlemen,

I hold in my hand the final question.

125

00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:34,900

The score now stands.

AA: 1,150,

126

00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:38,200

PMS: 1,175.

127

00:15:38,300 --> 00:15:41,800

So, for 100 points and the match,

128

00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:45,900

please turn your attention

to the formula on the screens.

129

00:15:46,500 --> 00:15:48,200

Solve the equation.

130
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:51,200

Holy crap.

131

00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:54,400

What the hell is that?

132

00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:58,300

Looks like something

they found on the ship at Roswell.

133

00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:00,600

Come on. Think.

Leslie?

134

00:16:00,700 --> 00:16:03,600

It's not gonna work if you rush me.

You have to let me get there.

135

00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:06,100

You are never gonna

let that go, are you?

136

00:16:06,300 --> 00:16:07,500

Ten seconds.
137

00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:12,500

PMS?

138

00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:15,900

Sorry, I panicked.

139

00:16:17,500 --> 00:16:18,800

Then guess.

140

00:16:21,500 --> 00:16:22,400

Eight.

141

00:16:26,900 --> 00:16:28,300

.4

142

00:16:29,700 --> 00:16:31,600

I'm sorry, that's incorrect.

143

00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:32,800

AA,

144

00:16:33,500 --> 00:16:35,900

if you can answer correctly,

the match is yours.

145

00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:40,300

He doesn't have it.

146

00:16:40,900 --> 00:16:42,000

He's got squat.

147

00:16:51,500 --> 00:16:53,200

AA, I need your answer.

148

00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:58,000

The answer is minus eight pi alpha.

149

00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:00,000

Hang on a second.

That's not our answer.

150

00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:02,400

- What are you doing?

- Answering question.

151

00:17:02,500 --> 00:17:03,900

Winning Physics Bowl.

152

00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:07,900

How do you know anything

about physics?

153

00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:09,500

Here I am janitor.

154

00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:12,500

In former Soviet Union, I am physicist.

155

00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:14,800

Leningrad Politechnika.

156

00:17:15,300 --> 00:17:16,900

Go Polar Bears.

157

00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:21,600

That's a delightful little story,

158

00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:24,300

but our arrangement was that

you sit here and not say anything...

159

00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:27,300

- I answer the questions.

- You didn't answer question.

160

00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:30,500

Look, now, maybe you have

democracy now in your beloved Russia,

161

00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:33,500

but on this Physics Bowl team,

I rule with an iron fist.

162

00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:37,300

AA, I need your official answer.

163

00:17:37,500 --> 00:17:39,600

- It's not what he said.

- Then what is it?

164

00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:41,800

- I want a different question.

- You can't.

165

00:17:41,900 --> 00:17:43,300

- Formal protest.

- Denied.

166

00:17:43,500 --> 00:17:44,900

Informal protest.

167

00:17:45,700 --> 00:17:46,500

Denied.

168

00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:50,600

- I need your official answer.

- No. I decline to provide one.

169

00:17:50,700 --> 00:17:54,100

That's too bad because the answer

your teammate gave was correct.

170

00:17:55,500 --> 00:17:57,100

That's your opinion.

171

00:18:00,100 --> 00:18:02,700

- The winner of the match is...

- Hang on.

172
00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:07,800

Is proving that you are single-handedly

smarter than everyone else so important

173

00:18:07,900 --> 00:18:11,300

that you would rather lose by yourself

than win as part of a team?

174

00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:14,800

I don't understand the question.

175

00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:18,700

- Go ahead.

- The winner is PMS.

00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:57,900

Sorry, somebody's sitting there.

00:18:58,900 --> 00:18:59,700

Who?

00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:02,000

My Physics Bowl trophy.

4
00:19:04,700 --> 00:19:08,000

That trophy is meaningless.

I forfeited, therefore you did not win.

00:19:08,100 --> 00:19:10,300

- I know someone who would disagree.

- Who?

00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:12,700

My Physics Bowl trophy.

00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:15,500

Leonard is so smart.

00:19:16,300 --> 00:19:18,900

- Sheldon who?

- All right, that is very immature.

00:19:19,100 --> 00:19:21,500

You're right. I'm sorry.

I'm not!

10

00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:26,400

- Okay, new contest.

- What are you doing?

11

00:19:26,700 --> 00:19:28,900

I am settling once and for all

12

00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:31,700

who is the smartest around here, okay?

13

00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:33,200

- Ready?

- Absolutely.

14

00:19:33,300 --> 00:19:34,300

Bring it on.

15

00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:37,600

"Marsha, Jan and Cindy

were the three daughters

16

00:19:37,700 --> 00:19:39,100

"in what TV family?"

17

00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:44,700

<i>The Brady Bunch.</i>

18

00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:51,400

"Sammy Hagar replaced David Lee Roth

as the lead singer in what group?"

19

00:19:56,300 --> 00:19:57,500

<i>The Brady Bunch?</i>

20

00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:01,300

<i>Van Halen.</i>

21

00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:05,400

"Madonna was married

to this Ridgemont High alum."

22

00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:09,900

Oh, my God! Sean Penn!

23

00:20:10,100 --> 00:20:12,100

How do you know these things?

24

00:20:12,900 --> 00:20:15,800

I go outside,

and I talk to people.

25

00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:20,200

Okay, here.

"What actor holds the record

26

00:20:20,300 --> 00:20:22,800

"for being named <i>People Magazine</i>'s

Sexiest Man Alive?"

27

00:20:23,300 --> 00:20:24,800

- William Shatner.

- Wait.

28

00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:29,200

I don't think it's Shatner.

29

00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:31,500

Then it's got to be Patrick Stewart.

30

00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:36,800

Formal protest.

31

00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:41,300

"Singer who sang,

<i>Oops, I Did It Again</i>?"

32

00:20:49,500 --> 00:20:52,200

"Tweetie Bird tought

he taw a what?"

33

00:20:56,300 --> 00:20:57,300

Romulan.

34

00:21:01,700 --> 00:21:02,700

Yes.

35

00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:05,000

He tought he taw a Romulan.

9999

00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00

<font color="#ffff00" size=14>www.tvsubtitles.net</font>

10000

00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:13,000

Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org

 The Big Bang Theory - 1x14 - The Nerdvana Annihilation

00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000

Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org

00:00:00,476 --> 00:00:03,371

This sandwich is

an unmitigated disaster.

00:00:04,124 --> 00:00:07,761

I asked for turkey and roast beef

with lettuce and Swiss on whole wheat.

00:00:07,921 --> 00:00:10,058

- What did they give you?

- Turkey and roast beef

00:00:10,178 --> 00:00:12,277

with Swiss and lettuce on whole wheat.

00:00:18,063 --> 00:00:20,648

It's the right ingredients,

but in the wrong order.

6
00:00:21,736 --> 00:00:22,983

In a proper sandwich,

00:00:23,145 --> 00:00:24,906

the cheese is adjacent to the bread

00:00:25,026 --> 00:00:27,706

to create a moisture barrier

against the lettuce.

00:00:28,625 --> 00:00:31,743

They might as well have dragged

this thing through a car wash.

10

00:00:32,439 --> 00:00:35,621

- I don't believe it.

- I know. It's basic culinary science.

11

00:00:36,247 --> 00:00:38,749

Some guy is auctioning off

a miniature Time Machine prop

12

00:00:38,910 --> 00:00:41,335

from the original film,

and no one is bidding on it.

13

00:00:41,496 --> 00:00:44,255

A time machine

from the movie <i>The Time Machine</i>?

14

00:00:44,738 --> 00:00:47,176

No. A time machine

from <i>Sophie's Choice</i>.

15

00:00:47,900 --> 00:00:50,566

Boy, Sophie could have used

a time machine in that movie.

16

00:00:50,686 --> 00:00:52,452

Did you see it? It's rough.

17

00:00:54,140 --> 00:00:56,654

- That's cool.

- It's only $800?

18

00:00:56,774 --> 00:00:58,342

Yeah. And that's my bid.

19

00:00:58,462 --> 00:00:59,896

You bid $800?

20

00:01:00,057 --> 00:01:02,962

It was a spur-of-the-moment thing.

I figured it would go for thousands,

21

00:01:03,082 --> 00:01:04,983

and I just wanted to be a part of it.

22

00:01:05,144 --> 00:01:07,023

There's only 30 sec left in the auction.

23

00:01:07,143 --> 00:01:08,279

Do you have $800?

24

00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:10,656

Not to blow on a miniature time machine.

25

00:01:10,822 --> 00:01:13,115

Don't worry. People wait

until the last second to bid,

26

00:01:13,235 --> 00:01:15,202

and they swoop in and get it.

It's called sniping.

27

00:01:15,363 --> 00:01:16,413

15 seconds.

28

00:01:16,573 --> 00:01:18,176

Come on, snipers.

29

00:01:19,761 --> 00:01:21,266

10, 9,

30

00:01:21,870 --> 00:01:23,799

- 8...

- Where are your snipers?

31

00:01:24,166 --> 00:01:25,188

- 5...

- Snipe.

32

00:01:25,308 --> 00:01:26,331

- 4...

- Snipe.

33

00:01:26,451 --> 00:01:27,474

- 3...

- Snipe!

34

00:01:27,594 --> 00:01:28,731

- 2...

- Snipe!

35

00:01:28,851 --> 00:01:29,664

1...

36

00:01:30,819 --> 00:01:31,845

Congratulations!

37

00:01:32,005 --> 00:01:34,472

You are the proud owner

of a miniature time machine!

38

00:01:35,925 --> 00:01:37,290

You lucky duck.

39

00:01:37,719 --> 00:01:39,303

I wonder why no one else bid.

40

00:01:39,423 --> 00:01:41,893

This is a classic piece

of sci-fi movie memorabilia.

41

00:01:42,013 --> 00:01:45,357

- Yeah, I know! I still can't afford it.

- Why don't we share it?

42

00:01:45,523 --> 00:01:48,527

We'll each put in 200 bucks,

we'll take turns having it in our house.

43

00:01:48,688 --> 00:01:50,354

A time-share time machine.

44

00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:53,259

I'm in. Sheldon?

45

00:01:53,379 --> 00:01:54,535

Need you ask?

46

00:01:55,145 --> 00:01:57,678

I still don't understand

why no one else bid.

47
00:02:06,747 --> 00:02:09,203

I understand

why no one else bid.

48

00:02:30,300 --> 00:02:33,000

Season 1 Episode 14:

The Nerdvana Annihilation

00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:39,400

Did the listing actually

say "miniature"?

00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:43,000

I just assumed.

00:02:44,500 --> 00:02:47,700

Who sells a full-size

time machine for $800?

00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:51,500

In a Venn diagram,

that would be an individual located

00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:54,700

within the intersection of the sets

"No longer want my time machine"

00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:56,100

and "Need $800."

00:02:57,700 --> 00:02:59,500

It's actually a tremendous bargain.

00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:02,900

Even with shipping, it works out

to less than four dollars a pound.

00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:05,800

Cocktail shrimp are $12.50.

10

00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:10,500

How are we going to get it upstairs?

11

00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:14,700

If we take the dish off,

it might fit in the elevator.

12

00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:17,200

Yes, but the elevator

has been broken for 2 years.

13

00:03:17,300 --> 00:03:18,800

I've been meaning to ask you.

14

00:03:18,900 --> 00:03:21,200

Do you think we should

make a call about that?

15

00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:25,800

Not necessary.

I have a Master's in engineering.

16

00:03:25,900 --> 00:03:28,700

I remotely repair satellites

on a regular basis.

17

00:03:29,100 --> 00:03:31,700

I troubleshoot space shuttle payloads.

18

00:03:32,500 --> 00:03:34,900

When the Mars Rover started

pulling to the left,

19
00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:37,200

I performed a front-end alignment

20

00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:39,600

from 62 million miles away.

21

00:03:49,700 --> 00:03:51,400

No. That baby's broken.

22

00:03:54,300 --> 00:03:55,700

Come on, guys! Push!

23

00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:59,100

If I push any harder,

I'm going to give birth to my colon.

24

00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:02,100

I can't feel my fingers. Hurry up!

25

00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,600

It's the same amount of work

no matter how fast you go.

26

00:04:04,700 --> 00:04:06,300

- Basic physics.

- Sheldon?

27

00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:10,300

If my fingers ever work again,

I've got a job for the middle one.

28

00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:14,200

- Hey, guys.

- Hi, Penny.

29

00:04:17,100 --> 00:04:18,500

Take a break, guys.

30

00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:23,300

- What are you doing?

- We're just moving something upstairs.

31

00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:25,100

- What is it?

- Just...

32

00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:27,300

You know. Time machine.

33

00:04:28,700 --> 00:04:30,600

Neat. But I really got to get to work.

34

00:04:30,700 --> 00:04:33,700

- Give us a few minutes.

- I don't have them. I'm running late.

35

00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:35,500

Then, I have a simple solution.

36

00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:37,700

Go up to the roof.

Hop over to the next building.

37

00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:40,300

There's a small gap, don't look down

if you're subject to vertigo,

38

00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:42,000

and use their stairwell.

39

00:04:42,700 --> 00:04:43,900

You're joking, right?

40

00:04:44,100 --> 00:04:46,300

I never joke when it comes to vertigo.

41

00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:51,000

Damn. Okay, I'll just take the roof.

42

00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:53,800

If you wait for us

to set up the time machine,

43

00:04:53,900 --> 00:04:55,900

I can drop you off at work yesterday.

44

00:04:57,800 --> 00:04:59,800

Time travel joke.

It's not... never mind.

45

00:05:02,100 --> 00:05:04,400

For what it's worth,

I thought it was humorous.

46

00:05:08,300 --> 00:05:09,700

Let's just do this.

47

00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:12,400

- You guys ready to push?

- In a minute.

48

00:05:12,500 --> 00:05:14,400

Howard stepped outside to throw up.

49

00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:21,900

I don't know

what you were worried about.

50

00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:23,900

I think it really works in the room.

51

00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:29,100

It is by far the coolest thing

I have ever owned.

52

00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:32,100

The exact time machine

that carried actor Rod Taylor

53

00:05:32,300 --> 00:05:35,100

from Victorian England

into the post-apocalyptic future,

54

00:05:35,300 --> 00:05:37,400

where society had splintered

into two factions:

55

00:05:37,500 --> 00:05:40,200

the subterranean Morlocks,

who survived by feasting

56

00:05:40,300 --> 00:05:42,800

on the flesh of the gentle

surface-dwelling Eloi.

57

00:05:45,100 --> 00:05:47,400

Talk about your chick magnets.

58

00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:52,800

The guy who lives next to me

is always like,

59

00:05:52,900 --> 00:05:56,200

"I have a Jacuzzi on my balcony.

I have a Jacuzzi on my balcony."

60

00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:57,700

But wait until I tell him,

61

00:05:57,800 --> 00:05:59,900

"I've got a time machine

on my balcony.

62

00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:04,000

Stuff that in your Speedoes,

Jacuzzi Bob."

63

00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:08,100

Gentlemen, we said we'd take turns,

but I think you'll agree

64

00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:10,800

that practicality

dictates it remain here.

65

00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:13,500

You can't keep it here.

What if I meet a girl and say,

66

00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:15,300

"You wanna come up and see

my time machine?

67

00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:17,800

It's at my friends' house."

How lame is that?

68

00:06:18,500 --> 00:06:19,600

He's got a point.

69

00:06:19,700 --> 00:06:22,900

I think we're going to need some ground

rules; in addition to the expected

70

00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:25,800

"no shoes in the time machine,"

and "no eating in the time machine,"

71

00:06:25,900 --> 00:06:29,800

I propose we add "pants must be worn

at all times in the time machine."

72

00:06:30,900 --> 00:06:31,800

Seconded.
73

00:06:33,100 --> 00:06:34,900

I was going to put down a towel.

74

00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:40,100

I still want it on my balcony.

75

00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:42,600

I say we move it on a bi-monthly basis.

76

00:06:42,700 --> 00:06:45,700

- That sounds fair.

- Bi-monthly is an ambiguous term.

77

00:06:45,900 --> 00:06:47,700

It's every other month or twice a month?

78

00:06:47,900 --> 00:06:49,500

- Twice a month.

- Then no.

79

00:06:49,700 --> 00:06:51,500

- Okay, every other month.

- No.
80

00:06:53,100 --> 00:06:54,600

You can't be selfish.

81

00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:57,100

We all paid for it,

so it belongs to all of us.

82

00:06:57,300 --> 00:06:59,800

Now get out of the way

so I can sit in my time machine.

83

00:07:09,900 --> 00:07:13,800

I am setting the dials

for March 10, 1876.

84

00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:16,500

Good choice, Alexander Graham Bell

invents the telephone

85

00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:18,700

- and calls out for Dr. Watson.

- Wait a minute.

86

00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:21,400

- I'd want to see that, too.

- So when it's your turn, you can.

87

00:07:21,500 --> 00:07:23,300

But if we all go back to the same point,

88

00:07:23,500 --> 00:07:26,300

Bell's lab is going to get very crowded.

He'll know something's up.

89

00:07:27,500 --> 00:07:29,500

Also since the time machine

doesn't move in space,

90

00:07:29,700 --> 00:07:31,800

you'll end up in 1876 Pasadena.

91

00:07:31,900 --> 00:07:34,400

And even if you can make it to Boston,

are you going knock on the door

92

00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:36,600

and say to Mrs. Bell,

"Big fan of your husband.

93

00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:39,000

"Can I come in and watch him

invent the telephone?"

94

00:07:39,700 --> 00:07:42,300

Mrs. Bell was deaf.

She's not even going to hear you knock.

95

00:07:43,700 --> 00:07:46,200

I have a solution.

First, go into the future

96

00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:49,100

- and obtain a cloaking device.

- How far into the future?

97

00:07:49,300 --> 00:07:52,100

If I remember correctly, Captain Kirk

will steal a cloaking device

98

00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:55,200

from the Romulans on Stardate 5027.3,

99

00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:58,500

which would be January 10, 2328

by pre-Federation reckoning.

100

00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:04,900

I am setting the dials

for January 10, 2328.

101

00:08:05,500 --> 00:08:07,800

Here we go into the future.

102

00:08:29,500 --> 00:08:30,500

That was fun.

103

00:08:31,900 --> 00:08:32,800

My turn!

104

00:08:34,300 --> 00:08:35,800

Okay, first of all,

105

00:08:35,900 --> 00:08:38,400

what you call a gap

was nearly three feet wide.

106

00:08:38,500 --> 00:08:40,600

- I slipped and skinned my knee.

- Are you okay?

107

00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:44,400

Second of all, the door to the stairwell

of the other building was locked,

108

00:08:44,500 --> 00:08:47,200

so I had to go down the fire escape,

which ends on the 3d floor,

109

00:08:47,300 --> 00:08:50,300

forcing me to crawl through the window

of a lovely Armenian family

110

00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:52,300

who insisted I stay for lunch.

111

00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:56,300

- That doesn't sound too bad.

- It was eight courses of lamb,

112

00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:58,500

and they tried to fix me up

with their son.

113

00:09:00,700 --> 00:09:01,900

- Sorry.

- Not done.

114

00:09:02,100 --> 00:09:04,800

By the time I finally got to work,

they'd given my shift away.

115

00:09:04,900 --> 00:09:08,300

That's right. I lost an entire day's pay

thanks to this.

116

00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:10,100

- This...

- Time machine.

117

00:09:13,700 --> 00:09:16,200

The lights flash and the dish spins.

You want to try it?

118

00:09:17,500 --> 00:09:18,800

I don't want to try it!

119
00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:21,000

My God, you are grown men!

120

00:09:21,300 --> 00:09:25,100

How can you waste your lives

with these stupid toys and costumes

121

00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:28,000

and comic books

and now that?! That...

122

00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:29,600

Again. Time machine.

123

00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:34,800

Please, it's not a time machine.

If anything, it looks like something

124

00:09:34,900 --> 00:09:37,500

Elton John would drive

through the Everglades.

125

00:09:43,300 --> 00:09:45,300

It only moves in time.

126

00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:47,900

It would be worse than useless

in a swamp.

127

00:09:53,500 --> 00:09:55,200

Pathetic! All of you!

128

00:09:55,300 --> 00:09:57,000

Completely pathetic!

129

00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:03,400

My turn!

130

00:10:20,300 --> 00:10:22,300

Leonard, it's 2:00 in the morning.

131

00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:24,300

So?

132

00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:26,100

So it's my turn.

133

00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:31,500

Why did you set it

for the day before yesterday?

134

00:10:31,900 --> 00:10:33,800

Because I want to go back

and keep myself

135

00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:35,400

from getting a time machine.

136

00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:36,500

You can't.

137

00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:38,800

If you were to prevent yourself

from buying it in the past,

138

00:10:38,900 --> 00:10:41,200

you wouldn't have it available

in the present to travel back

139

00:10:41,300 --> 00:10:43,700

and stop yourself from buying it.

Ergo, you would still have it.

140

00:10:43,900 --> 00:10:46,200

This is a classic rookie

time-travel mistake.

141

00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:52,600

Can I go back and prevent you

from explaing that to me?

142

00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:54,400

Same paradox.

143

00:10:54,500 --> 00:10:57,200

If you were to travel back in time

and, say, knock me unconscious,

144

00:10:57,400 --> 00:10:59,600

you would not then have the conversation

that irritated you,

145

00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:02,500

motivating you to go back

and knock me unconscious.

146

00:11:03,700 --> 00:11:06,100

What if I knocked you

unconscious right now?

147

00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:09,300

It won't change the past.

148

00:11:11,100 --> 00:11:13,400

But it'd make the present so much nicer.

149

00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:16,700

Are you upset about something?

150

00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:19,000

What was your first clue?

151

00:11:19,900 --> 00:11:21,600

Well, it was a number of things.

152

00:11:21,700 --> 00:11:23,000

First, the late hour.

153

00:11:23,100 --> 00:11:25,100

Then your demeanor

seems very low-energy,

154

00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:27,400

- plus your irritability.

- Yes, I'm upset!

155

00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:30,500

I don't usually pick

up on those things.

156

00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:32,200

Good for me.

157

00:11:35,500 --> 00:11:36,600

Good for you.

158

00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:38,500

Wait.

159

00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:42,900

Did you want to talk about

what's bothering you?

160

00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:46,900

- I don't know. Maybe.

- I'm on fire tonight.

161

00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:53,700

Here's the thing.

162

00:11:54,300 --> 00:11:58,100

Girls like Penny never end up

with guys who own time machines.

163

00:11:58,700 --> 00:11:59,800

I disagree.

164

00:12:00,100 --> 00:12:02,500

Your inability to

successfully woo Penny

165

00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:05,100

long predates your acquisition

of the time machine.

166

00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:09,900

That failure clearly

stands on its own.

167
00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:14,700

- Thanks for pointing it out.

- In addition, your premise is flawed.

168

00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:17,400

In the original film,

Rod Taylor got Yvette Mimieux

169

00:12:17,500 --> 00:12:19,200

with that very time machine.

170

00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:21,900

In <i>Back to the Future</i>,

Marty McFly got the opportunity

171

00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:24,600

to hook up with his extremely

attractive young mother.

172

00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:30,300

- Those are movies.

- Of course they're movies.

173

00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:32,400

Were you expecting me to come up

with an example

174

00:12:32,500 --> 00:12:34,600

involving a real-life time machine?

175

00:12:36,900 --> 00:12:38,000

That's absurd.

176

00:12:40,300 --> 00:12:41,500

Come on, guys, push!

177

00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:45,000

If I push any harder, I'm going

to give birth to my colon.

178

00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:48,900

- Hey, guys.

- Hi, Penny.

179

00:12:52,300 --> 00:12:53,900

Take a break, guys!

180

00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:59,000

- What are you doing?

- You know, just moving a time machine.

181

00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:02,500

Neat, but I really gotta get to work.

182

00:13:03,100 --> 00:13:04,300

No problem.

183

00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:12,100

Hang on.

184

00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:15,300

But... what about your time machine?

185

00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:18,000

Some things are more

important than toys.

186

00:13:26,700 --> 00:13:27,800

I'm scared.

187

00:13:28,300 --> 00:13:30,200

Don't worry, baby. I've got you.

188

00:13:52,100 --> 00:13:53,900

It's still my turn.

189

00:13:59,500 --> 00:14:00,800

What are you doing?

190

00:14:02,100 --> 00:14:03,800

I'm packing up all my collectibles

191

00:14:03,900 --> 00:14:06,500

and taking them down

to the comic book store to sell.

192

00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:08,500

Was that really necessary?

193

00:14:08,700 --> 00:14:11,400

If you need money,

you can always sell blood.

194

00:14:12,900 --> 00:14:14,000

And semen.

195
00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:17,300

This is not about money.

196

00:14:17,500 --> 00:14:18,900

We brought food!

197

00:14:19,100 --> 00:14:21,900

Lox and bagels, the

breakfast of time-travelers.

198

00:14:22,500 --> 00:14:25,000

Terrific. Does anyone want to buy

my share of the time machine?

199

00:14:25,100 --> 00:14:27,300

- Why?

- I don't want it anymore.

200

00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:29,700

- Why?

- Just... personal reasons.

201

00:14:29,800 --> 00:14:32,900

My Spidey sense tells me this

has something to do with Penny.

202

00:14:33,300 --> 00:14:35,700

Look, do you want to

buy me out or not?

203

00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:38,100

I'll give you $100,

which will make me half-owner

204

00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:39,700

and we'll put it on my balcony.

205

00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:42,600

Screw his balcony. I'll give you

$120 and we'll put it in my garage.

206

00:14:42,900 --> 00:14:44,600

I paid $200 for my share.

207

00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:47,300

Dude, everybody knows a time

machine loses half its value

208

00:14:47,500 --> 00:14:49,500

the minute you drive

it off the lot.

209

00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:52,600

I'll go for $200. That time

machine stays right where it is.

210

00:14:52,700 --> 00:14:56,500

$300 and I'll throw in my original

1979 Mattel Millennium Falcon

211

00:14:56,700 --> 00:14:58,400

with real light speed sound effects.

212

00:14:58,700 --> 00:15:02,100

No. No more toys or action figures

213

00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:05,400

or props or replicas

or costumes or robots

214

00:15:05,500 --> 00:15:07,200

or Darth Vader voice changers.

215
00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:08,900

I'm getting rid of all of it.

216

00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:11,300

You can't do that. Look

what you've created here.

217

00:15:11,500 --> 00:15:13,200

It's like nerdvana.

218

00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:19,600

More importantly,

you have a Darth Vader voice changer?

219

00:15:21,300 --> 00:15:22,600

Not for long.

220

00:15:22,700 --> 00:15:24,400

I call dibs on <i>The Golden Age Flash</i>.

221

00:15:24,500 --> 00:15:27,100

I need that to complete my

<i>Justice Society of America</i> collection.

222
00:15:27,300 --> 00:15:29,600

- Too bad. I called dibs.

- You can't just call dibs.

223

00:15:29,700 --> 00:15:32,200

I can and I did.

Look up "Dibs" in Wikipedia.

224

00:15:32,900 --> 00:15:34,800

Dibs doesn't apply

in a bidding war.

225

00:15:34,900 --> 00:15:36,300

It's not a bidding war.

226

00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:38,900

I'm selling it all to Larry

down at the comic book store.

227

00:15:39,100 --> 00:15:41,600

- Did Larry call dibs?

- Will you forget dibs?!

228

00:15:41,700 --> 00:15:44,000

He offered me a fair price

for the whole collection.

229

00:15:44,100 --> 00:15:48,000

- What's the number? I'll match it.

- I'll match it plus a thousand rupees.

230

00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:50,500

- What's the exchange rate?

- None of your business.

231

00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:52,000

Take it or leave it?

232

00:15:52,500 --> 00:15:54,700

Mom? My bar mitzvah bonds.

How much do I got?

233

00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:56,000

Thanks.

234

00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:58,600

I can go $2,600 and two trees in Israel.

235

00:16:00,900 --> 00:16:01,900

Forget it, guys.

236

00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:04,900

If I sell to one of you, the other two

are going to be really mad at me.

237

00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:07,300

Who cares? As long as you pick me!

238

00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:10,300

Okay, Leonard, put down the box.

Let's talk.

239

00:16:10,500 --> 00:16:12,400

Sorry, Raj. My mind is made up.

240

00:16:12,700 --> 00:16:13,500

No!

241

00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:15,900

I can't let you do this.

242

00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:17,900

Get out of my way.

243

00:16:21,500 --> 00:16:23,700

None shall pass!

244

00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:30,400

I did not want to do this,

245

00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:34,000

but I have here the rare mint

condition production error

246

00:16:34,100 --> 00:16:36,300

<i>Star Trek: The Next Generation</i>

Geordi La Forge

247

00:16:36,500 --> 00:16:38,900

without his visor

in the original packaging.

248

00:16:39,700 --> 00:16:41,600

If you do not get out of my way,

249

00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:43,500

I will open it.

250

00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:46,600

Okay, man. Be cool.

251

00:16:47,700 --> 00:16:49,100

We're all friends here.

252

00:16:50,500 --> 00:16:52,000

What the hell's going on?

253

00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:53,700

You hypocrite!

254

00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:55,000

What?

255

00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:57,500

Little Miss "grown-ups

don't play with toys."

256

00:16:57,600 --> 00:17:01,200

If I were to go into that apartment now,

would I not find Beanie Babies?

257

00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:04,200

Are you not an accumulator

of Care Bears and My Little Ponies?

258

00:17:04,300 --> 00:17:07,300

And who is that Japanese feline

I see frolicking on your shorts?

259

00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:09,700

Hello, Hello Kitty!

260

00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:16,300

Okay, look, if this is about yesterday,

Leonard,

261

00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:19,000

I am really sorry about what I said.

I was just upset.

262

00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:22,200

- I need to hear it.

- No, you didn't. You are a great guy

263

00:17:22,300 --> 00:17:25,200

and it is the things you love

that make you who you are.

264

00:17:25,900 --> 00:17:28,400

I guess that makes

me "large breasts."

265

00:17:32,900 --> 00:17:35,900

Still, I think it's time for

me to get rid of this stuff

266

00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:38,100

and, you know,

move on with my life.

267

00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:40,400

- Really?

- Yeah.

268

00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:44,000

Well, good for you.

269

00:17:45,100 --> 00:17:46,100

Thanks.
270

00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:50,700

Do you want to...

I don't know, later...

271

00:17:50,900 --> 00:17:51,900

Excuse me.

272

00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:54,100

- Hey, Penny.

- Hi, Mike.

273

00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:56,200

- Ready to go?

- I just have to change.

274

00:17:56,300 --> 00:17:58,600

- I'll give you a hand.

- Stop it!

275

00:17:58,900 --> 00:17:59,800

Bye, guys.

276

00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:06,800

My turn on the time machine!

1

00:18:30,500 --> 00:18:31,600

It worked.

00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:35,000

It really worked.

00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:38,900

They said I was mad, but it worked!

00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:48,700

Not Morlocks!

00:18:49,100 --> 00:18:51,300

Not flesh-eating Morlocks!

00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:53,600

Help!

00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:04,100

Sheldon, are you okay?

00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:07,000

We have to get rid

of the time machine.

00:19:07,300 --> 00:19:09,600

It is a little big

for the living room, isn't it?

10

00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:12,900

Yeah, that's the problem. It's too big.

11

00:19:13,700 --> 00:19:16,400

I'm glad you agree.

I hired some guys to help us move it.

12

00:19:16,500 --> 00:19:17,800

Come on in, fellas.

13

00:19:22,300 --> 00:19:23,300

Morlocks!

14

00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:25,400

Eat him. Eat him.

9999

00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00

<font color="#ffff00" size=14>www.tvsubtitles.net</font>

10000

00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:13,000

Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org

 The Big Bang Theory - 1x15 - The Pork Chop Indeterminacy

00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000

Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org

00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:02,216

On the other hand,

some physicists are concerned

00:00:02,336 --> 00:00:04,310

that if this supercollider

actually works,

00:00:04,430 --> 00:00:06,523

it'll create a black hole

and swallow up the Earth,

00:00:06,643 --> 00:00:08,336

ending life as we know it.

00:00:08,456 --> 00:00:10,237

What a bunch of crybabies.

00:00:10,732 --> 00:00:12,432

No guts, no glory, man.

00:00:13,498 --> 00:00:14,863

Hey, check it out.

00:00:15,162 --> 00:00:18,143

The School of Pharmacology

is looking for volunteers.

00:00:18,263 --> 00:00:20,732

"We are testing a new medication

for social anxiety,

10

00:00:20,892 --> 00:00:24,776

"panic attacks, agoraphobia

and obsessive compulsive disorder."

11

00:00:26,545 --> 00:00:28,782

Why would they be looking

for test subjects here?

12

00:00:30,134 --> 00:00:31,461

I don't know, Raj.

13
00:00:31,581 --> 00:00:34,335

Maybe the comic book store

doesn't have a bulletin board.

14

00:00:37,973 --> 00:00:40,375

- What's going on?

- Hot girl in Sheldon's office.

15

00:00:41,538 --> 00:00:42,629

Sheldon's office?

16

00:00:44,889 --> 00:00:46,048

Is she lost?

17

00:00:47,300 --> 00:00:48,365

I don't think so.

18

00:00:48,485 --> 00:00:50,595

I followed her here

from the parking lot.

19

00:00:52,590 --> 00:00:54,123

Maybe she's his lawyer.

20
00:00:54,431 --> 00:00:56,618

Well, she's free to examine my briefs.

21

00:00:57,310 --> 00:01:00,188

I know, I'm disgusting.

I should be punished... by her.

22

00:01:00,349 --> 00:01:01,727

Look, I did it again.

23

00:01:02,717 --> 00:01:03,932

That should do it.

24

00:01:04,052 --> 00:01:05,599

Thank you for coming by.

25

00:01:12,187 --> 00:01:13,085

Hello.

26

00:01:14,691 --> 00:01:16,056

Hey, buddy...

27

00:01:18,315 --> 00:01:19,679

"Buddy..."?
28

00:01:20,577 --> 00:01:23,336

Sorry I'm late.

I'm working on a project

29

00:01:23,497 --> 00:01:26,072

that may take me up

on the next space shuttle.

30

00:01:26,651 --> 00:01:29,342

How can you be late?

I wasn't expecting you at all.

31

00:01:30,195 --> 00:01:32,929

Nobody ever expects me.

Sometimes you just look and...

32

00:01:33,090 --> 00:01:34,607

Bam! Howard Wolowitz.

33

00:01:36,801 --> 00:01:38,184

Are you gonna introduce us?

34

00:01:38,737 --> 00:01:40,353

All right. This is Missy.

35

00:01:40,676 --> 00:01:44,190

Missy, this is Leonard and Rajesh,

and you've already met Howard.

36

00:01:44,351 --> 00:01:47,176

- It's nice to meet you.

- You, too, as well, also.

37

00:01:50,046 --> 00:01:51,698

So, how do you two know each other?

38

00:01:52,543 --> 00:01:55,926

He once spent nine months

with my legs wrapped around his head.

39

00:01:59,437 --> 00:02:00,427

Excuse me?

40

00:02:01,557 --> 00:02:03,996

She's my twin sister.

She thinks she's funny,

41
00:02:04,116 --> 00:02:06,284

but frankly,

I've never been able to see it.

42

00:02:06,404 --> 00:02:09,090

That's because you have

no measurable sense of humor, Shelly.

43

00:02:09,417 --> 00:02:12,015

How exactly would one

measure a sense of humor?

44

00:02:12,342 --> 00:02:13,800

A humormometer?

45

00:02:16,841 --> 00:02:18,961

I think you're delightfully droll.

46

00:02:19,081 --> 00:02:21,559

Or, as the French say,

<i>très drôle</i>.

47

00:02:22,232 --> 00:02:23,730

So let me see if I got this.

48

00:02:24,244 --> 00:02:26,733

Leonard, Howard and...

49

00:02:26,894 --> 00:02:28,935

I'm sorry, what was your name again?

50

00:02:55,850 --> 00:02:56,729

Rajesh.

51

00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:21,000

Season 1 Episode 15:

The Pork Chop Indeterminacy

00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:24,600

So Missy, what brings you

all the way from Texas?

00:03:24,700 --> 00:03:26,900

Was it perhaps destiny?

I think it was destiny.

00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:29,700

My friend's getting married

at Disneyland tomorrow night.

4

00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:32,100

Destiny, thy name is Anaheim.

00:03:34,700 --> 00:03:38,000

And I had to drop off some papers

for Shelly to sign for my Dad's estate.

00:03:38,100 --> 00:03:41,600

The papers could've been mailed.

Mom sent you to spy on me, didn't she?

00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:44,100

I guess that's why

they call you a genius.

00:03:44,300 --> 00:03:46,700

They call me a genius

because I'm a genius.

00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:50,500

Tell Mom that

I currently weigh 165 pounds

10
00:03:50,700 --> 00:03:52,900

and that I'm having

regular bowel movements.

11

00:03:54,100 --> 00:03:55,700

Enjoy the wedding. Good-bye.

12

00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:02,300

If the wedding's not until tomorrow,

why don't you stay with us tonight?

13

00:04:02,500 --> 00:04:05,000

I don't think so.

Shelly doesn't like company.

14

00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:07,600

Even as a little boy,

he'd send his imaginary friends home

15

00:04:07,700 --> 00:04:09,000

at the end of the day.

16

00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:12,600

They were not friends.

They were imaginary colleagues.

17

00:04:13,500 --> 00:04:15,900

Look, you're here.

We have plenty of room.

18

00:04:16,100 --> 00:04:17,100

No, we don't.

19

00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:19,500

Come on, Shelly.

She's family.

20

00:04:20,100 --> 00:04:22,800

So what, I don't issue invitations

to your mother.

21

00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:26,700

It would be nice not to have

to drive to Anaheim in rush hour.

22

00:04:26,900 --> 00:04:28,600

And don't ever call me Shelly.

23

00:04:29,500 --> 00:04:31,300

So it's settled: you'll stay with us.

24

00:04:31,500 --> 00:04:34,600

Yeah, I'll walk you to your car.

You're in structure 3, level C, right?

25

00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:40,300

What just happened?

26

00:04:42,500 --> 00:04:44,400

So anyway, we're eight years old

27

00:04:44,500 --> 00:04:46,600

and Sheldon converts

my Easy Bake Oven

28

00:04:46,700 --> 00:04:48,700

to some kind

of high-powered furnace.

29

00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:50,900

Just classic.

30

00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:55,200

I needed a place to fire

ceramic semiconductor substrates

31

00:04:55,300 --> 00:04:57,100

for homemade integrated circuits.

32

00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:59,400

He was trying to build

some sort of armed robot

33

00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:01,000

to keep me out of his room.

34

00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:04,300

Made necessary by her insistence

on going into my room.

35

00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:07,500

Anyway, I go to make

those little corn muffins they give you.

36

00:05:07,700 --> 00:05:11,000

There's a big flash. Next thing you know

my eyebrows are gone.

37

00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:13,800

Not your eyebrows!

38

00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:17,600

Yep, I had to go through

the entire second grade

39

00:05:17,700 --> 00:05:20,100

with crooked eyebrows

my mom drew on.

40

00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:21,800

Is that what that was?

41

00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:26,000

I just assumed that the second grade

curriculum had rendered you quizzical.

42

00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:32,000

You left your underwear

in the dryer downstairs.

43

00:05:38,300 --> 00:05:39,600

Those are not mine.

44

00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:44,300

Really? They have

your little name label in them.

45

00:05:45,500 --> 00:05:47,800

Yeah, no, I do... I use those...

46

00:05:48,100 --> 00:05:51,600

just to polish up

my spearfishing equipment.

47

00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:54,900

I spearfish.

48

00:05:59,100 --> 00:06:01,600

When I'm not crossbow hunting,

I spearfish.

49

00:06:04,900 --> 00:06:07,000

This is Sheldon's twin sister, Missy.

50

00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:08,700

This is our neighbor, Penny.

51

00:06:08,900 --> 00:06:12,100

- You don't look that much alike.

- Can I get a hallelujah?

52

00:06:13,500 --> 00:06:15,600

Fraternal twins come

from two separate eggs.

53

00:06:15,700 --> 00:06:17,800

They are no more alike

than any other siblings.

54

00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:22,400

Hey, guess what.

I've been accepted

55

00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:26,400

as a test subject for a new miracle drug

to overcome pathological shyness.

56

00:06:27,100 --> 00:06:30,500

- Good for you, Raj.

- Yes, I'm very hopeful. Hello, Missy.

57

00:06:41,100 --> 00:06:43,500

They mentioned

there may be side effects.

58

00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:46,700

So, Missy,

59

00:06:47,500 --> 00:06:50,900

have you ever met a man

from the exotic subcontinent of India?

60

00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:54,800

Well, there's Dr. Patel at our church.

61

00:06:54,900 --> 00:06:56,700

Yes, Patel... good man.

62

00:06:57,100 --> 00:06:59,900

Do you like motorcycles?

'Cause I ride a hog.

63

00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:04,000

A hog? You have a two-cylinder scooter

with a basket in the front.

64

00:07:05,900 --> 00:07:08,100

You still have to wear a helmet.

65

00:07:09,900 --> 00:07:12,000

Have you ever heard

of the Kama Sutra?

66

00:07:12,100 --> 00:07:14,600

- The sex book.

- The Indian sex book.

67

00:07:15,100 --> 00:07:16,900

In other words,

if you "wonder, wonder

68

00:07:17,100 --> 00:07:19,700

who wrote the book of love,"

it was us.

69

00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:25,200

- Sheldon's sister is pretty cute, huh?

- I wasn't staring.

70
00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:30,000

I didn't say you were.

I just said she was cute.

71

00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:33,000

Maybe,

72

00:07:33,500 --> 00:07:35,800

if you like women who are tall...

73

00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:38,200

and perfect.

74

00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:43,300

Sheldon, why are you

ignoring your sister?

75

00:07:43,500 --> 00:07:46,500

I'm not ignoring my sister.

I'm ignoring all of you.

76

00:07:47,900 --> 00:07:49,100

I brought snacks!

77
00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:52,500

Oh, my, gherkins and...

78

00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:55,300

Onion dip. It's onion dip.

79

00:07:58,000 --> 00:07:59,600

We don't entertain much.

80

00:08:01,900 --> 00:08:04,200

Missy.

Do you enjoy pajamas?

81

00:08:05,500 --> 00:08:07,900

- I guess.

- We Indians invented them.

82

00:08:09,100 --> 00:08:10,300

You're welcome.

83

00:08:11,900 --> 00:08:14,500

Yeah, well, my people

invented circumcision.

84
00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:20,800

You're welcome.

85

00:08:22,500 --> 00:08:25,100

Missy, I'm gonna go get my nails done.

Do you want to come?

86

00:08:25,300 --> 00:08:27,500

God, yes.

Thanks.

87

00:08:27,900 --> 00:08:29,100

You're welcome.

88

00:08:30,300 --> 00:08:32,800

- Bye, guys.

- Bye, Missy, see you.

89

00:08:33,300 --> 00:08:36,000

- Goodbye, Leonard.

- Oh, yeah, no, bye, Penny.

90

00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:39,500

You two have to back off.

91

00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:41,500

Why should I back off?

You back off, dude.

92

00:08:41,700 --> 00:08:44,200

Excuse me, this is my apartment,

and she's my roommate's sister.

93

00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:47,100

- So what? You've already got Penny!

- How do I have Penny?

94

00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:49,100

In what universe do I have Penny?

95

00:08:50,500 --> 00:08:52,500

- So I can have Penny?

- Hell, no!

96

00:08:53,900 --> 00:08:56,100

Excuse me.

Can I interject something?

97

00:08:57,800 --> 00:09:01,000

I'm ordering pizza online.

Is everyone okay with pepperoni?

98

00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:06,300

- Sheldon, can I talk to you in private?

- I guess.

99

00:09:06,900 --> 00:09:09,100

Don't worry. I was going

to order you cheese-less.

100

00:09:09,300 --> 00:09:10,600

- Thank you.

- It's okay.

101

00:09:10,700 --> 00:09:13,700

Lactose intolerance

is nothing to be embarrassed about.

102

00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:18,500

I'm a fancy Indian man.

We invented pajamas.

103

00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:21,800

Hey, look at me.

I don't have a foreskin.

104

00:09:32,900 --> 00:09:36,200

Are you aware that your sister

is an incredibly attractive woman?

105

00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:41,200

She certainly has the symmetry

and low body fat

106

00:09:41,300 --> 00:09:43,500

that Western culture deems desirable.

107

00:09:43,700 --> 00:09:45,800

It's noteworthy,

at other points in history,

108

00:09:45,900 --> 00:09:47,900

heavier women

were the standard for beauty

109

00:09:48,100 --> 00:09:50,300

because their girth

suggested affluence.
110

00:09:51,300 --> 00:09:52,600

That's fascinating...

111

00:09:52,700 --> 00:09:55,500

I didn't say it was fascinating.

I said it was noteworthy.

112

00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:57,700

All right... noted.

113

00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:01,700

But my point is

that Koothrappali and Wolowitz,

114

00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:04,500

they're hitting on your sister.

115

00:10:08,500 --> 00:10:09,400

Okay.

116

00:10:09,700 --> 00:10:12,200

You know, I don't want to criticize

your rhetorical style,

117

00:10:12,300 --> 00:10:14,600

but we'd be a lot further along

in this conversation

118

00:10:14,700 --> 00:10:16,500

if you'd begun with that thought.

119

00:10:16,900 --> 00:10:18,300

- Great...

- I'm saying

120

00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:21,500

we took quite an unnecessary detour from

what I now understand to be your thesis.

121

00:10:21,700 --> 00:10:22,600

Whatever.

122

00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:26,100

You have to do something about it.

123

00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:29,000

- Why?

- Because she's your sister.

124

00:10:30,300 --> 00:10:31,600

I don't understand.

125

00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:34,600

Yes, we shared a uterus

for nine months,

126

00:10:34,700 --> 00:10:37,800

but since then we've pretty much

gone our own separate ways.

127

00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:41,100

Okay, consider this.

128

00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:43,000

With your father gone,

129

00:10:43,100 --> 00:10:44,800

it is your responsibility

130

00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:48,000

to make sure that Missy

chooses a suitable mate.

131

00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:51,700

I hadn't considered that.

132

00:10:52,700 --> 00:10:54,400

We do share DNA.

133

00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:57,200

So there is the possibility,

however remote,

134

00:10:57,300 --> 00:10:59,000

that resting in her loins

135

00:10:59,100 --> 00:11:02,600

is the potential for another individual

as remarkable as myself.

136

00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:05,000

Exactly.

137

00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:08,600

And you owe it to yourself

and to posterity
138

00:11:08,700 --> 00:11:12,400

to protect the genetic integrity

of your sister's future offspring.

139

00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:15,800

You're right.

140

00:11:16,100 --> 00:11:18,400

If someone wants to get

at Missy's Fallopian tubes,

141

00:11:18,500 --> 00:11:20,300

they'll have to go through me.

142

00:11:29,900 --> 00:11:31,800

I am Shiva the Destroyer!

143

00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:33,600

I will have the woman.

144

00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:38,400

I'm warning you,

I was judo champion at math camp.

145

00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:41,700

All right, now that's enough

juvenile squabbling.

146

00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:43,500

You stop it. Stop it, I say!

147

00:11:44,900 --> 00:11:46,900

I'm going to settle this right now.

148

00:11:47,200 --> 00:11:49,500

Neither of you are good enough

for my sister.

149

00:11:49,700 --> 00:11:51,300

Who are you to decide that?

150

00:11:51,500 --> 00:11:54,400

He's the man of his family.

You have to respect his wishes.

151

00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:56,600

- You're out, too, by the way.

- Say what?

152

00:11:56,900 --> 00:11:58,700

It's nothing personal. I'd just prefer

153

00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:01,000

if my future niece or nephew

didn't become flatulent

154

00:12:01,100 --> 00:12:03,200

every time they ate an eskimo pie.

155

00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:11,200

What are you so happy about?

156

00:12:11,500 --> 00:12:12,500

I'm not happy.

157

00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:15,200

It's the medication.

I can't stop smiling.

158

00:12:21,300 --> 00:12:24,500

Now that Leonard's made me aware

how high the genetic stakes are...

159

00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:27,800

we have to face the fact that none of

you are suitable mates for my sister.

160

00:12:28,300 --> 00:12:30,800

Wait a minute.

Leonard made you aware of that?

161

00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:34,700

We all make mistakes.

Let's move on.

162

00:12:35,500 --> 00:12:37,900

Excuse me, I think you're missing

a big opportunity here.

163

00:12:38,100 --> 00:12:38,900

How so?

164

00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:42,300

Everybody knows genetic diversity

produces the strongest offspring.

165

00:12:42,700 --> 00:12:45,900

Why not put a little mocha

in the family latte?

166

00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:50,500

In principle, you have a point.

167

00:12:50,700 --> 00:12:52,700

But as a practical matter,

need I remind you

168

00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:54,800

that it takes experimental

pharmaceuticals

169

00:12:54,900 --> 00:12:57,400

to simply enable you

to speak to the opposite sex.

170

00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:01,600

I think you're focusing

entirely too much on the drugs.

171

00:13:07,700 --> 00:13:09,100

Is it 'cause I'm Jewish?

172

00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:12,200

'Cause I'd kill my rabbi

with a pork chop to be with your sister.

173

00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:20,900

This has nothing to do with religion.

174

00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:23,500

This has to do with the fact

that you're a tiny, tiny man

175

00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:25,500

who still lives with his mother.

176

00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:28,600

Sheldon, you are really

being unreasonable.

177

00:13:28,900 --> 00:13:29,700

Am I?

178

00:13:30,300 --> 00:13:33,900

Here, eat this cheese without farting

and you can sleep with my sister.

179

00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:36,800

Oh, really?

180

00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:46,000

Shelly, can I speak to you for a minute?

181

00:13:46,100 --> 00:13:46,900

Alone.

182

00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:50,400

Why does everyone suddenly

want to talk to me alone?

183

00:13:50,500 --> 00:13:52,600

Usually nobody wants

to be alone with me.

184

00:13:59,100 --> 00:14:01,400

We all make mistakes.

Let's move on.

185
00:14:04,900 --> 00:14:07,500

I'm not even going to ask

why you're pimping me out for cheese.

186

00:14:09,300 --> 00:14:12,600

But since when do you care at all

about who I sleep with?

187

00:14:13,100 --> 00:14:15,000

Truthfully, I've never given it

any thought,

188

00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:18,600

but it has been pointed out to me

that you carry DNA of great potential.

189

00:14:18,900 --> 00:14:21,600

- What on earth are you talking about?

- Let me explain.

190

00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:24,900

You see,

I'm a superior genetic mutation,

191

00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:28,100

an improvement

on the existing mediocre stock.

192

00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:32,600

And what do you mean, "mediocre stock"?

193

00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:33,800

That would be you.

194

00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:38,600

But residing within you,

is the potential for another me.

195

00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:42,600

Perhaps even taller, smarter,

and less prone to freckling,

196

00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:44,900

a Sheldon 2.0, if you will.

197

00:14:46,500 --> 00:14:47,800

"Sheldon 2.0"?

198

00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:49,000

Exactly.

199

00:14:49,300 --> 00:14:53,000

Now, I am not saying that I should be

the sole decider of who you mate with.

200

00:14:53,100 --> 00:14:54,900

If you're not attracted to the suitor,

201

00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:57,100

the likelihood of conception

will be reduced.

202

00:14:57,300 --> 00:14:59,400

- You have got to be kidding me.

- Not at all.

203

00:14:59,700 --> 00:15:02,700

Frequent coitus dramatically

increases the odds of fertilization.

204

00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:06,000

Okay, Shelly, sit down.

205
00:15:09,500 --> 00:15:12,900

Now I've lived my whole life dealing

with the fact that my twin brother is,

206

00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:14,500

as mom puts it,

207

00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:17,100

"one of God's special, little people".

208

00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:20,500

I always thought I was more

like a cuckoo bird.

209

00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:24,500

You know, a superior creature whose egg

is placed in the nest of ordinary birds.

210

00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:27,100

Of course, the newly hatched cuckoo

eats all the food,

211

00:15:27,300 --> 00:15:29,600

leaving the ordinary siblings

to starve to death.
212

00:15:30,700 --> 00:15:33,300

Luckily for you,

that's where the metaphor ended.

213

00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:36,900

I thought it ended at "cuckoo".

214

00:15:39,700 --> 00:15:41,000

You listen to me.

215

00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:43,600

If you want to start acting

like a brother who cares about me,

216

00:15:43,700 --> 00:15:45,900

then terrific. Bring it on.

217

00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:49,100

But you try one time to tell me

who I should be sleeping with,

218

00:15:49,300 --> 00:15:51,100

and you and I are going

to go round and round

219

00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,700

the way we did when we were little.

Remember?

220

00:15:57,700 --> 00:16:00,000

- I have an alternate proposal.

- Go on.

221

00:16:00,700 --> 00:16:01,900

You donate eggs.

222

00:16:02,100 --> 00:16:03,900

We will place them in cryogenic storage.

223

00:16:04,100 --> 00:16:07,000

I will find an appropriate

sperm donor for your eggs,

224

00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:09,500

have them fertilized

and implanted in you.

225
00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:11,600

That way, everybody wins.

226

00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:21,600

Correction.

227

00:16:21,700 --> 00:16:24,000

Missy can date whoever she wants.

228

00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:27,500

Look, we have to settle this.

229

00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:28,600

I agree.

230

00:16:28,700 --> 00:16:31,700

Sheldon's sister is hiding at Penny's

because we've all been hitting on her

231

00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:33,900

- at the same time.

- She's not hiding.

232

00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:37,000

She needed privacy to call her

grandmother who's apparently very sick.

233

00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:39,400

And then I believe

she has to wash her hair.

234

00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:42,700

You poor, deluded bastard.

235

00:16:43,100 --> 00:16:45,500

- Don't start with me.

- You want to go again? Let's go.

236

00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:46,600

Sit down.

237

00:16:48,500 --> 00:16:51,100

If we're going to fight over Missy,

let's do it the right way.

238

00:16:51,300 --> 00:16:52,700

The honorable way.

239
00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:55,500

Take that!

240

00:16:56,300 --> 00:16:57,600

You want some more?

241

00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:02,400

And he's down!

242

00:17:02,500 --> 00:17:05,200

One, two, three...

243

00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:07,300

Come on! Get up!

244

00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:08,800

Stay down, bitch!

245

00:17:11,100 --> 00:17:12,800

Nine, ten.

246

00:17:14,900 --> 00:17:16,500

Natural selection at work.

247

00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:18,500

I weep for humanity.

248

00:17:19,500 --> 00:17:22,100

Excuse me while I go tell

Missy the good news.

249

00:17:28,900 --> 00:17:30,800

- Leonard.

- Hi, Penny. How's it going?

250

00:17:30,900 --> 00:17:33,400

That guy Mike that you were dating,

is that still going on?

251

00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:34,800

Pretty much. Why?

252

00:17:34,900 --> 00:17:37,700

Nothing, just catching up. By the way,

may I speak to Missy, please?

253

00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:40,400

Of course.
254

00:17:41,900 --> 00:17:44,600

- Hi, Leonard. What's up?

- Since you're leaving tomorrow,

255

00:17:44,700 --> 00:17:47,000

I was wondering

if you'd like to go to dinner with me.

256

00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:49,800

That's so sweet. But no thanks.

257

00:17:53,100 --> 00:17:55,200

- Do you have other plans or...

- No.

258

00:17:59,300 --> 00:18:00,400

All right.

259

00:18:02,100 --> 00:18:05,400

- Enjoy the rest of your evening.

- Thanks. See ya.

260

00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:15,300

Here's something we didn't anticipate.

261

00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:22,600

What do you want, Howard?

262

00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:25,300

I'm fine. Thanks for asking.

263

00:18:26,700 --> 00:18:28,400

I've come to call on Missy.

264

00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:35,200

- Hi, Howard.

- The Amazing Howard.

265

00:18:36,900 --> 00:18:39,500

- Do you like magic?

- Not really. No.

266

00:18:40,900 --> 00:18:42,800

Then you are in for a treat.

267

00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:47,200

Behold, an ordinary cane.

268

00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:22,500

Thank you. I apprec...

269

00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:25,600

Apprec...

270

00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:28,200

Appree...

271

00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:33,100

Oh, honey.

Is your medication wearing off?

272

00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:38,200

Well, hi, cutie pie.

273

00:19:38,500 --> 00:19:40,200

I was hoping you'd show up.

274

00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:10,700

We had a dog who made

a noise like that.

275

00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:13,000

Had to put him down.

00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:19,000

Any news you want me

to pass on to Mom?

00:20:19,700 --> 00:20:23,000

Well, she might be interested to know

that I have refocused my research

00:20:23,100 --> 00:20:26,100

from bosonic string theory

to heterotic string theory.

00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:29,100

I'll just tell her you say "hey".

00:20:31,900 --> 00:20:33,900

Well, it was pleasant seeing you,

00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:36,500

other than that business

with my testicles.
7

00:20:38,500 --> 00:20:39,800

Come on, Shelly.

00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:47,800

I want you to know

I'm very proud of you.

00:20:48,300 --> 00:20:49,100

Really?

10

00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:53,000

Yep, I'm always bragging to my friends

about my brother, the rocket scientist.

11

00:20:54,300 --> 00:20:56,900

You tell people I'm a rocket scientist?

12

00:20:58,100 --> 00:20:59,100

Well, yeah.

13

00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:01,200

I'm a theoretical physicist.

14

00:21:01,500 --> 00:21:04,500

- What's the difference?

- What's the difference?

15

00:21:05,700 --> 00:21:06,900

Good bye, Shelly.

16

00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:08,900

My God!

17

00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:13,700

Why don't you just tell them that I'm

a toll-taker at the Golden Gate Bridge?

18

00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,900

Rocket scientist. How humiliating.

9999

00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00

<font color="#ffff00" size=14>www.tvsubtitles.net</font>

10000

00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:13,000

Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org

 The Big Bang Theory - 1x16 - The Peanut Reaction

00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000

Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org

00:00:01,752 --> 00:00:03,735

- Take him down!

- He's got you, Sheldon.

00:00:03,855 --> 00:00:06,234

- Look at this move!

- He's completely schooling you.

00:00:06,354 --> 00:00:09,523

Hey, guys, some of the other waitresses

wanted me to ask you something.

00:00:09,643 --> 00:00:10,972

It's called Tresling.

00:00:11,132 --> 00:00:13,286

It combines the physical strength

of arm wrestling

6
00:00:13,406 --> 00:00:16,603

with the mental agility of Tetris

into the ultimate sport.

00:00:16,763 --> 00:00:18,883

That's terrific,

but they wanted me to ask you

00:00:19,003 --> 00:00:20,565

to cut it the hell out.

00:00:20,726 --> 00:00:22,502

Great. Come here, guys. Come on.

10

00:00:22,814 --> 00:00:26,696

<i>Happy birthday to you</i>

11

00:00:26,856 --> 00:00:29,964

We might as well stop. It's a stalemate.

You're beating me in Tetris,

12

00:00:30,084 --> 00:00:32,911

but you've got the upper body

strength of a Keebler elf.

13

00:00:33,071 --> 00:00:35,372

Keebler elf?

I've got your Keebler elf right here.

14

00:00:40,411 --> 00:00:42,027

Okay, it's a stalemate.

15

00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:46,216

So, Leonard, will we be

seeing you on Saturday

16

00:00:46,377 --> 00:00:48,986

- for your free birthday cheesecake?

- He can't eat cheesecake.

17

00:00:49,106 --> 00:00:51,721

- He's lactose intolerant.

- He can have carrot cake.

18

00:00:51,882 --> 00:00:54,766

- What about the cream cheese frosting?

- He can scrape it off.

19

00:00:56,231 --> 00:00:58,937

Forget about the cake.

How do you know my birthday's Saturday?

20

00:00:59,098 --> 00:01:01,686

I did your horoscope, remember?

I was gonna do everybody's,

21

00:01:01,806 --> 00:01:04,234

until Sheldon went on

one of his typical psychotic rants.

22

00:01:05,243 --> 00:01:08,606

For the record, "that psychotic rant"

was a concise summation

23

00:01:08,726 --> 00:01:12,534

of the research of Bertram Forer,

who, in 1948, proved conclusively

24

00:01:12,695 --> 00:01:14,553

through meticulously

designed experiments

25

00:01:14,673 --> 00:01:17,038

that astrology is nothing

but pseudo-scientific hokum.

26

00:01:17,199 --> 00:01:18,998

Blah, blah, blah. Typical Taurus.

27

00:01:20,451 --> 00:01:22,042

Are we gonna see you Saturday?

28

00:01:22,204 --> 00:01:23,836

- I don't think so.

- Why not?

29

00:01:23,998 --> 00:01:26,548

- I don't celebrate my birthday.

- Shut up. Yeah, you do.

30

00:01:26,708 --> 00:01:28,842

It's no big deal;

it's just the way I was raised.

31

00:01:29,157 --> 00:01:31,469

My parents focused

on celebrating achievements,

32
00:01:31,629 --> 00:01:34,764

and being expelled from a birth canal

was not considered one of them.

33

00:01:36,037 --> 00:01:37,275

That's so silly.

34

00:01:37,395 --> 00:01:39,553

It's actually based

on very sound theories.

35

00:01:39,673 --> 00:01:42,435

- His mother published a paper on it.

- What was it called?

36

00:01:42,555 --> 00:01:44,733

"I Hate My Son

and That's Why He Can't Have Cake"?

37

00:01:45,945 --> 00:01:47,444

It was obviously effective.

38

00:01:47,605 --> 00:01:49,748

Leonard grew up to be

an experimental physicist.
39

00:01:49,868 --> 00:01:51,792

Perhaps if she'd also denied him

Christmas,

40

00:01:51,912 --> 00:01:53,430

he'd be a little better at it.

41

00:01:54,605 --> 00:01:56,369

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

42

00:01:56,530 --> 00:01:57,824

Well, I love birthdays.

43

00:01:57,944 --> 00:02:00,662

Waking up to Mom's special

French toast breakfast,

44

00:02:00,782 --> 00:02:02,392

wearing the birthday king crown,

45

00:02:02,512 --> 00:02:04,335

playing laser tag with all my friends...

46

00:02:04,496 --> 00:02:06,546

Yeah, see?

That's what kids should have.

47

00:02:06,707 --> 00:02:08,483

Actually, that was last year.

48

00:02:12,204 --> 00:02:15,388

So you really never had

a birthday party?

49

00:02:15,548 --> 00:02:18,642

No, but it was okay.

When I was little, I'd think

50

00:02:18,762 --> 00:02:21,700

maybe my parents would change their mind

and surprise me with a party.

51

00:02:21,820 --> 00:02:24,147

Like this one birthday

I came home from my cello lesson

52
00:02:24,308 --> 00:02:26,511

and I saw a lot of strange

cars parked out front.

53

00:02:26,631 --> 00:02:28,937

When I got to the door,

I could hear people whispering

54

00:02:29,057 --> 00:02:31,988

and I could smell German chocolate cake,

which is my favorite.

55

00:02:33,104 --> 00:02:33,865

And?

56

00:02:34,026 --> 00:02:36,056

It turns out my grandfather had died.

57

00:02:37,504 --> 00:02:39,662

Oh, my God. That's terrible.

58

00:02:39,822 --> 00:02:42,040

Well, it was kind

of like a birthday party.

59

00:02:42,949 --> 00:02:46,072

I got to see all my cousins,

and there was cake, so...

60

00:02:47,386 --> 00:02:49,213

It's the saddest thing I've ever heard.

61

00:02:49,374 --> 00:02:50,215

You think?

62

00:02:50,376 --> 00:02:52,467

Go ahead, tell her about

your senior prom.

63

00:03:15,300 --> 00:03:18,100

Episode 16:

The Peanut Reaction

00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:22,500

Make sure they remember, no peanuts.

00:03:22,700 --> 00:03:26,200

Howard, every Thai restaurant in town

knows you can't eat peanuts.

3

00:03:27,300 --> 00:03:30,400

When they see me coming,

they go, "Ah, no-peanut boy!"

00:03:41,700 --> 00:03:45,100

- Hello, Penny. Leonard just left.

- I know. I want to talk to you.

00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:46,900

What would we talk about?

00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:49,700

We have no overlapping

areas of interest I'm aware of.

00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:51,700

As you know, I don't care for chitchat.

00:03:52,100 --> 00:03:53,800

- Can you just let me in?

- All right,

00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:56,000

but I don't see this

as a promising endeavor.

10

00:03:57,900 --> 00:04:00,600

Here's the deal. We're gonna throw

Leonard a kick-ass surprise party

11

00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:03,200

- for his birthday on Saturday.

- I hardly think so.

12

00:04:03,300 --> 00:04:05,400

Leonard made it very clear

he doesn't want a party.

13

00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:07,200

Did someone say... "party"?

14

00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:12,500

He just doesn't know he wants

one 'cause he's never had one.

15

00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:14,700

I suppose that's possible,

but for the record,

16

00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:17,400

I've never had a threesome

and yet I still know I want one.

17

00:04:19,900 --> 00:04:22,400

Howard, here's the difference...

The possibility exists

18

00:04:22,500 --> 00:04:25,800

that Leonard could have a birthday party

before hell freezes over.

19

00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:30,700

Fine. If I do have a threesome,

you can't be part of it.

20

00:04:32,500 --> 00:04:34,200

I'm just kidding. Yes, you can.

21

00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,000

Can you bring a friend?

22

00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:41,600

I think a birthday party's

a terrible idea.

23

00:04:41,700 --> 00:04:44,600

I envy Leonard for growing up

without that anguish.

24

00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:45,600

Anguish?!

25

00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:47,800

Year after year, I had to endure

26

00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:50,100

wearing comical hats while being forced

27

00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:52,600

into the crowded, sweaty

hell of bouncy castles.

28

00:04:52,700 --> 00:04:54,500

Not to mention being blindfolded

29

00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:56,800

and spun toward a grotesque

tailless donkey

30

00:04:56,900 --> 00:04:59,200

as the other children mocked

my disorientation.

31

00:05:00,700 --> 00:05:02,100

Okay, sweetie, I understand

32

00:05:02,300 --> 00:05:04,900

you have scars

that no nonprofessional can heal,

33

00:05:05,300 --> 00:05:07,900

but, nevertheless, we're going

to throw Leonard a birthday party.

34

00:05:08,100 --> 00:05:10,500

Have I pointed out that I'm extremely

uncomfortable with dancing,

35

00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:13,500

loud music and most other forms

of alcohol-induced frivolity?
36

00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:17,000

- Nevertheless...

- In addition, I...

37

00:05:17,100 --> 00:05:18,200

Here's the deal:

38

00:05:18,300 --> 00:05:21,600

You either help me throw a birthday

party or I will go into your bedroom

39

00:05:21,700 --> 00:05:24,200

and unbag all of your most valuable

mint-condition comic books.

40

00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:26,200

And on one of them,

you won't know which,

41

00:05:26,300 --> 00:05:28,200

I'll draw a tiny happy face in ink.

42

00:05:30,700 --> 00:05:33,700

You can't do that. If you make a mark

in a mint comic, it's no longer mint.

43

00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:36,900

Do you understand

the concept of blackmail?

44

00:05:37,100 --> 00:05:38,500

Well, of course, I...

45

00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:44,600

I have an idea. Let's throw Leonard

a kick-ass birthday party.

46

00:06:04,500 --> 00:06:06,000

That's not the secret knock.

47

00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:09,400

This is the secret knock.

48

00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:14,600

What difference does it make?

49

00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:17,900

The whole point of a secret knock

is to establish a non-verbal signal

50

00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:20,800

to verify the identity

of one's co-conspirators.

51

00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:24,100

- Is that Raj and Howard?

- Possibly, but unverified.

52

00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:26,200

Will you just let us in.

53

00:06:26,300 --> 00:06:29,000

Luckily for you,

this is not a nuclear reactor.

54

00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:32,700

- So what'd you get the birthday boy?

- Well, Raj got him an awesome,

55

00:06:32,900 --> 00:06:36,300

limited edition Dark Knight sculpture

based on Alex Ross's definitive Batman.

56

00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:38,400

And I got him this amazing

autographed copy

57

00:06:38,500 --> 00:06:40,200

of <i>The Feynman Lectures on Physics</i>.

58

00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:41,600

Nice.

59

00:06:42,100 --> 00:06:43,500

I got him a sweater.

60

00:06:44,700 --> 00:06:47,600

Okay, well, he might like that.

I've seen him get chilly.

61

00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:52,300

- Sheldon, I didn't see your present.

- That's because I didn't bring one.

62

00:06:52,500 --> 00:06:53,800

- Why not?
- Don't ask.

63

00:06:53,900 --> 00:06:56,800

The entire institution

of gift-giving makes no sense.

64

00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,800

- Too late.

- Let's say I go out

65

00:06:58,900 --> 00:07:00,500

and I spend $50 on you.

66

00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:03,400

It's a laborious activity

because I have to imagine what you need,

67

00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:05,200

whereas you know what you need.

68

00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:08,500

Now, I could simplify things...

just give you the $50 directly,

69
00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:10,200

and then you could give me $50

70

00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:12,800

on my birthday, and so on,

until one of us dies,

71

00:07:12,900 --> 00:07:15,400

leaving the other one old

and $50 richer.

72

00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:19,700

And I ask you, is it worth it?

73

00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:22,400

Told you not to ask.

74

00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:26,400

Sheldon, you're his friend.

Friends give each other presents.

75

00:07:26,900 --> 00:07:29,000

I accept your premise;

I reject your conclusion.

76

00:07:31,300 --> 00:07:34,800

Try telling him

it's a non-optional social convention.

77

00:07:35,300 --> 00:07:36,800

- What?

- Just do it.

78

00:07:39,700 --> 00:07:43,000

It's a non-optional...

social convention.

79

00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:45,600

Oh. Fair enough.

80

00:07:49,300 --> 00:07:50,900

He came with a manual.

81

00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:55,100

Question. How am I going to get Leonard

a present before the party?

82

00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:58,200

I don't drive and the only things

available within walking distance

83

00:07:58,300 --> 00:08:00,200

are a Thai restaurant and a gas station.

84

00:08:00,300 --> 00:08:02,300

I suppose I could wrap up

an order of mee krob

85

00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:04,200

and a couple of lottery scratchers.

86

00:08:04,900 --> 00:08:06,100

Okay let's do this...

87

00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:09,300

I will drive Sheldon to get a present.

Howard, you need to get rid of Leonard

88

00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:11,100

- for about 2 hours.

- No problem.

89

00:08:11,300 --> 00:08:14,500

And then, Raj, you bring the stuff

across the hall and start setting up.

90

00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:17,000

What if guests show up?

91

00:08:17,500 --> 00:08:18,800

Entertain them.

92

00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:21,000

What if they're women?

93

00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:24,700

Stare at them and make them

feel uncomfortable.

94

00:08:37,900 --> 00:08:39,800

- How's it goin'?

- Fine.

95

00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:44,100

So listen, the NuArt

is showing the revised,

96
00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:46,200

definitive cut of <i>Blade Runner</i>.

97

00:08:46,300 --> 00:08:47,200

Seen it.

98

00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:50,100

No, you've seen

the 25th Anniversary Final Cut.

99

00:08:50,900 --> 00:08:53,900

This one has eight seconds

of previously unseen footage.

100

00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:56,700

They say it completely changes

the tone of the film.

101

00:08:57,500 --> 00:08:58,300

Pass.

102

00:08:59,100 --> 00:09:03,100

Come on. Afterwards, there's a Q & A

with Harrison Ford's body double.

103

00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:06,500

Look, I'm in the Halo

battle of my life here.

104

00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:09,000

There's this kid in Copenhagen...

he has no immune system,

105

00:09:09,100 --> 00:09:12,200

so all he does is sit in his bubble

and play Halo 24-seven.

106

00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:17,000

- Can't you play him some other time?

- Not if you believe his doctors.

107

00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:22,700

Oh, my God, do you smell gas?

108

00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:25,600

- No.

- Yeah, no.

109

00:09:30,900 --> 00:09:32,400

They have DVDs over there.

110

00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:35,300

Yes, but they have

DVD burners over here.

111

00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:38,600

Leonard needs a DVD burner.

112

00:09:39,700 --> 00:09:43,200

A gift shouldn't be something someone

needs, it should be something fun.

113

00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:45,500

Something

they wouldn't buy for themself.

114

00:09:45,700 --> 00:09:47,400

You mean like a sweater?

115

00:09:50,500 --> 00:09:52,000

It's a fun sweater.

116

00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:54,300

It's got a bold geometric print.

117

00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:57,000

Is it the geometry that makes it fun?

118

00:09:58,100 --> 00:10:00,800

The point is one of the ways

we show we care about people

119

00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:03,800

is by putting thought and imagination

into the gifts we give them.

120

00:10:04,500 --> 00:10:07,400

Okay, I see. So, not a DVD burner.

121

00:10:08,100 --> 00:10:08,900

Exactly.

122

00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:11,700

Something he wouldn't buy for himself,

something fun,

123

00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:15,000

Something like...

An 802-11n wireless router!

124

00:10:19,500 --> 00:10:21,300

Here you go, Copenhagen boy.

125

00:10:21,500 --> 00:10:24,200

How about a taste

of Hans Christian hand grenade?

126

00:10:27,500 --> 00:10:28,900

That could not feel good.

127

00:10:32,300 --> 00:10:34,500

Come on, come... Oh, you clever...

128

00:10:39,100 --> 00:10:40,000

Come on.

129

00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:42,400

Take that!

130

00:10:49,700 --> 00:10:52,000

- What's the matter?

- This granola bar has peanuts in it!

131

00:10:52,100 --> 00:10:55,600

- Oh, my God. Why did you eat it?

- I don't know. It was just there!

132

00:10:55,900 --> 00:10:58,800

If I had a gun there,

would you have shot yourself?

133

00:10:59,500 --> 00:11:02,200

Don't yell at me!

I've got to go to the emergency room!

134

00:11:02,300 --> 00:11:04,500

- Now?!

- No, after my tongue has swollen

135

00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:06,200

to the size of a brisket!

136

00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:09,400

All right, just let me get my keys.

137
00:11:09,900 --> 00:11:11,700

Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God!

138

00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:15,400

The laundry is out of the hamper.

139

00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:21,400

Okay, Sheldon,

what was it supposed to be?

140

00:11:22,500 --> 00:11:24,400

Fine. It's out of the washer!

141

00:11:25,300 --> 00:11:27,500

I'll call you when it's in the dryer.

142

00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:29,800

All right, let's go.

00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:43,900

- What do you think?

- That one.

00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:46,300

Because of the two

additional Ethernet ports?

00:11:46,500 --> 00:11:47,600

- Sure.

- No need,

00:11:47,700 --> 00:11:49,800

he's already got

a six-port Ethernet switch.

00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,500

- Okay, then this one.

- Why?

00:11:51,900 --> 00:11:54,400

I don't know.

The man on the box looks so happy.

00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:58,400

Penny, if I'm going to buy Leonard

a gift, I'm going to do it right.

00:11:58,700 --> 00:12:01,600

I refuse to let him experience

the same childhood trauma I did.

00:12:02,500 --> 00:12:05,000

I know I'm gonna regret this,

but: What trauma?

10

00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:08,100

On my 12th birthday,

11

00:12:08,300 --> 00:12:10,500

I really wanted a titanium centrifuge

12

00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:13,200

so, you know,

I could separate radioactive isotopes.

13

00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:14,700

Of course.

14

00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:18,300

Instead of a titanium centrifuge,

my parents bought me...

15

00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:20,300

This is hard.

16

00:12:21,500 --> 00:12:22,500

They got me

17

00:12:23,100 --> 00:12:24,600

a motorized dirt bike.

18

00:12:28,700 --> 00:12:31,500

What 12-year-old boy wants

a motorized dirt bike?

19

00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:34,200

All of them?

20

00:12:34,700 --> 00:12:35,900

- Really?

- Yeah.

21

00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:40,900

So we're getting this one?

22

00:12:41,100 --> 00:12:43,200

- Yeah, I suppose.
- All right, let's go.

23

00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:46,300

Excuse me.

Do you know anything about this stuff?

24

00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:48,600

I know everything about this stuff.

25

00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:51,400

Okay, I have my own

wholesale flower business

26

00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:53,900

and I want to hook up

my computer in the front entrance

27

00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:56,000

with the one in my

refrigerated warehouse.

28

00:12:56,100 --> 00:12:58,500

Buy this one:

it's the one we're getting. Happy guy.

29

00:12:58,700 --> 00:13:00,100

No, she doesn't want that.

30

00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:04,100

She needs a point-to-point

peer network with a range extender.

31

00:13:04,500 --> 00:13:05,400

Thank you.

32

00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:07,300

Which hard drive do I want...

33

00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:09,100

firewire or USB?

34

00:13:09,300 --> 00:13:11,300

It depends on what buss

you have available.

35

00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:17,400

I drive a Chevy Cavalier.

36
00:13:19,100 --> 00:13:20,500

Oh, dear Lord.

37

00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:22,300

- We have to go.

- Not now.

38

00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:25,400

This poor man needs me.

You, hold on. I'll be right with you.

39

00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:29,300

What computer do you have?

And please don't say "a white one."

40

00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:37,800

- Excuse me.

- Fill this out. Have a seat.

41

00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:40,200

Listen. We're throwing

my friend a surprise party

42

00:13:40,300 --> 00:13:42,700

I'm supposed to keep him out

of his apartment for 2 hours.

43

00:13:43,100 --> 00:13:44,700

Fill this out and have a seat.

44

00:13:44,900 --> 00:13:46,700

No, the only way I could

get him to leave

45

00:13:46,900 --> 00:13:49,500

was to tell him I ate a peanut

because I'm allergic to peanuts.

46

00:13:49,700 --> 00:13:52,500

Well, in that case,

fill this out and have a seat.

47

00:13:53,700 --> 00:13:56,400

All I need from you is to take me

in the back and give me a Band-Aid

48

00:13:56,600 --> 00:13:59,100

so I can pretend I had a shot of

epinephrine, and you tell my friend

49

00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:01,300

you need to keep me under observation

for 1 hour 1/2.

50

00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:02,800

- Is that all you need?

- Yes.

51

00:14:02,900 --> 00:14:04,300

Get out of my ER.

52

00:14:05,300 --> 00:14:08,100

- No, you don't understand.

- I understand, but unfortunately,

53

00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:10,800

this hospital is not equipped

to treat stupid.

54

00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:15,000

Okay, I get it.

I know how the world works.

55

00:14:15,300 --> 00:14:17,500

How about if I were to introduce to you

56

00:14:17,900 --> 00:14:20,000

to the man who freed your people?

57

00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:27,300

Unless my people were freed

by Benjamin Franklin

58

00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:30,000

and his five twin brothers,

you are wasting your time.

59

00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:34,600

Sorry, I couldn't find a parking spot.

60

00:14:34,700 --> 00:14:36,800

- How are you doing?

- Bad, very bad.

61

00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:39,200

Really? You don't look like

you're swelling up at all.

62
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:41,800

We should just pick up some Benadryl

at the drugstore and go home.

63

00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:44,000

- We can't go home.

- Why not?

64

00:14:44,500 --> 00:14:45,800

Because...

65

00:14:46,500 --> 00:14:47,600

because...

66

00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:50,200

Brisket! Brisket!

67

00:14:51,700 --> 00:14:54,200

- Water! Need water!

- I'll be right back.

68

00:14:59,100 --> 00:15:00,400

I've got a problem.

69
00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:03,300

Well, so do I.

You gotta stall Leonard a little longer.

70

00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:05,200

- I don't think I can.

- You have to.

71

00:15:05,300 --> 00:15:07,600

We all have to be there

at the same time to yell surprise.

72

00:15:07,700 --> 00:15:10,500

You have to understand something.

We're in a hospital right now.

73

00:15:10,700 --> 00:15:13,700

- Why? Is Leonard okay?

- Leonard's fine. I'm fine.

74

00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:15,500

Thanks for asking, by the way.

75

00:15:15,900 --> 00:15:19,100

Okay, I don't need your attitude.

Just hold him there a little longer.

76

00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:22,200

I've done my best, but he wants to go

home and I don't know how to stop him.

77

00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:25,600

Okay, how about this?

You keep him there a little longer,

78

00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:28,800

and when you get to the party, I'll

point out which of my friends are easy?

79

00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:40,400

Don't toy with me, woman.

80

00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:44,400

I got a hot former fat girl

with no self-esteem,

81

00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:46,700

a girl who punishes her father

by sleeping around
82

00:15:46,900 --> 00:15:50,700

a alcoholic who's 2 tequila shots away

from letting you wear her like a hat.

83

00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:54,000

Thy will be done.

84

00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:06,600

I'm doing this for you, little buddy.

85

00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:15,000

Okay, we don't have that in stock...

86

00:16:16,500 --> 00:16:18,900

but I can special-order it for you.

87

00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:20,400

Him.

88

00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:23,600

Excuse me, sir.

You don't work here.

89
00:16:24,700 --> 00:16:27,000

Yes, well, apparently,

neither does anyone else.

90

00:16:28,500 --> 00:16:30,500

- Sheldon, we have to go.

- Why?

91

00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:33,200

For one thing, we're late for

Leonard's birthday party,

92

00:16:33,300 --> 00:16:35,300

and for another,

I told him to call security.

93

00:16:36,900 --> 00:16:38,000

Good luck.

94

00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,800

By the way, a six-year-old

could hack your computer system.

95

00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:44,100

Keep walking.
96

00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:46,400

"1234" is not a secure password.

97

00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:52,300

Excuse me, my friend is having

an allergic reaction to peanuts.

98

00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:54,400

- No, he's not.

- Yes, he is.

99

00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:57,000

Look, sir, we are very

busy here, and I...

100

00:16:57,400 --> 00:16:59,000

Holy crap!

101

00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:01,700

Please help me!

102

00:17:02,900 --> 00:17:04,500

Code four! I need a gurney!

103

00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:08,100

- Right away! Right away!

- Thank you.

104

00:17:12,300 --> 00:17:15,000

Say what you will about the

healthcare system in this country,

105

00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:18,100

but when they're afraid of lawsuits,

they sure test everything.

106

00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:22,000

I really don't think

the colonoscopy was necessary.

107

00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:26,500

You know, before you got all swollen up,

108

00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:29,300

I actually thought you were trying

to keep me out of the apartment

109
00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:31,400

so you could throw me a surprise party.

110

00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:34,800

Right, it's your birthday.

I had no idea it was your birthday.

111

00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:37,500

I completely forgot.

What a lousy way to spend a birthday.

112

00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:38,900

It's all over now.

113

00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:44,600

There is a party, isn't there?

114

00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:46,400

Maybe.

115

00:17:49,900 --> 00:17:52,700

- Are you mad?

- How could I be mad?

116
00:17:53,300 --> 00:17:56,600

You actually risked your life

because you care about me.

117

00:17:58,300 --> 00:18:00,000

Yeah, that's why I did it.

118

00:18:03,100 --> 00:18:04,000

All right.

119

00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:05,800

Here we go.

120

00:18:06,900 --> 00:18:08,500

My first birthday party.

121

00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:19,900

Dude,

122

00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:22,100

everybody left an hour ago.

123

00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:26,400

Surprise!
1

00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:35,100

Okay, Leonard.

I am at your birthday party.

00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:38,700

I don't know where you are,

dude, but it's really kick-ass!

00:18:39,500 --> 00:18:42,400

Everyone is very, very drunk and...

00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:47,300

And look,

there's a girl taking her shirt off!

00:18:49,100 --> 00:18:50,700

That's my friend Carol.

00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:53,600

Remind me,

I gotta introduce her to Howard.

00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:57,600

Oh, sweet Krishna,

shake that rupee maker!

00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:02,100

I'm so sorry you didn't get your party.

00:19:02,500 --> 00:19:03,600

It's okay.

10

00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:07,500

Happy birthday, anyways.

11

00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:17,700

When's your birthday?

9999

00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00

<font color="#ffff00" size=14>www.tvsubtitles.net</font>

10000

00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:13,000

Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org

 The Big Bang Theory - 1x17 - The Tangerine Factor

00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000

Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org

00:00:01,700 --> 00:00:03,900

<i>Wo de zing shi</i> Sheldon.

00:00:04,300 --> 00:00:05,300

Non, c'est...

00:00:05,500 --> 00:00:07,600

<i>Wo de ming zi shi</i> Sheldon.

00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:11,500

<i>Wo de ming zi shi</i> Sheldon.

00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:14,000

What's this?

00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:17,200

That's what you did.

7
00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:21,100

I assumed, as in a number of languages,

that the gesture was part of the phrase.

00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:23,200

Well, it's not.

00:00:23,900 --> 00:00:26,900

How am I supposed to know that?

As the teacher, it's your obligation

10

00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:30,100

to separate your personal idiosyncrasies

from the subject matter.

11

00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:33,000

You know, I'm really glad

you decided to learn Mandarin.

12

00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:34,600

- Why?

- Once you're fluent,

13

00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:37,500

you'll have a billion more people

to annoy instead of me.

14

00:00:40,300 --> 00:00:41,800

<i>Mei du lui zi.</i>

15

00:00:42,900 --> 00:00:45,400

You just called Leonard

a syphilitic donkey.

16

00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:48,300

My apologies,

17

00:00:48,500 --> 00:00:50,400

I'm only as good as my teacher.

18

00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:53,200

Why are you learning Chinese?

19

00:00:53,300 --> 00:00:55,600

I believe the Szechuan Palace

has been passing off

20

00:00:55,700 --> 00:00:59,100

orange chicken as tangerine chicken

and I intend to confront them.

21

00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:02,300

If I were you, I'd be more concerned

22

00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:04,400

about what they are passing off

as chicken.

23

00:01:07,500 --> 00:01:10,100

- I need to use your window.

- Sure, go ahead.

24

00:01:12,100 --> 00:01:14,700

Hey, jerk face, you forgot your iPod!

25

00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:19,400

- What's going on?

- I'll tell you what's going on.

26

00:01:19,500 --> 00:01:23,000

That stupid self-centered bastar

wrote about our sex life in his blog.

27
00:01:25,700 --> 00:01:28,300

Drop dead,

you stupid self-centered bastard!

28

00:01:30,700 --> 00:01:31,700

Thank you.

29

00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:36,800

Okay, where were we?

30

00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:39,600

Not now, I have a blog to find.

31

00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:04,200

Episode 117: The Tangerine Factor

33

00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:12,800

Penny, are you okay?

34

00:02:12,900 --> 00:02:14,800

I'm fine, Leonard. Just go away!

35

00:02:16,500 --> 00:02:19,400

I understand that breaking up

with someone can be very painful...

36

00:02:19,500 --> 00:02:21,600

- Go away!

- Okay, feel better! Bye!

37

00:02:27,700 --> 00:02:29,100

She doesn't want to talk.

38

00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:33,400

Not surprising.

Penny's emotional response is originated

39

00:02:33,500 --> 00:02:36,200

in the primitive portion of the brain,

known as the amygdala.

40

00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:39,200

While speech is centered in the much

more recently developed neo-cortex.

41

00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:41,300

The former can easily

overpower the latter,

42

00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:44,500

giving scientific credence to the notion

of being "rendered speechless."

43

00:02:50,700 --> 00:02:52,800

Or maybe she just doesn't want to talk.

44

00:02:55,700 --> 00:02:57,300

Look, I found an iPod!

45

00:03:01,300 --> 00:03:04,100

It's smashed beyond repair.

What are you gonna do with it?

46

00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:07,400

What else?

Sell it on eBay as "slightly used."

47

00:03:08,700 --> 00:03:10,600

It was Penny's boyfriend's,

they broke up.

48

00:03:10,700 --> 00:03:14,000

Apparently, he posted intimate details

of their physical relationship

49

00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:17,400

on his blog

which I cannot find anywhere.

50

00:03:18,900 --> 00:03:21,600

I'm gonna go back

and try talking to her again.

51

00:03:21,700 --> 00:03:23,400

Good idea, sit with her.

52

00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:24,900

Hold her, comfort her.

53

00:03:25,100 --> 00:03:26,700

And if the moment feels right,

54

00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:28,700

see if you can cop a feel.

55

00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:32,900

I'm not going to do that, Howard.

56

00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:36,700

I'm not aware of a new social convention

that requires you to intervene at all.

57

00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:38,600

What about damsel in distress?

58

00:03:39,100 --> 00:03:42,000

Twelfth century code of chivalry?

Not exactly current.

59

00:03:42,900 --> 00:03:45,300

You'd also have to be knighted

for that to apply.

60

00:03:46,500 --> 00:03:48,900

I don't care.

She's upset, I'm going over there.

61

00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:51,900

Remember to sit on your hands a bit,

so they're warm.

62
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:56,600

I'm her friend. I'm not going

to take advantage of her vulnerability.

63

00:03:57,400 --> 00:03:59,700

So you're saying,

if in the depths of despair,

64

00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:02,300

she throws herself at you

and demands you take her,

65

00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:04,900

right there, right now,

you'll just walk away?

66

00:04:05,700 --> 00:04:07,900

I said I'm her friend,

not her gay friend.

67

00:04:13,300 --> 00:04:15,500

Listen, I know you said

you didn't want to talk...

68

00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:17,000

- I don't.

- Sorry.

69

00:04:17,700 --> 00:04:19,800

- Wait!

- Wait? Did you say "wait"?

70

00:04:22,100 --> 00:04:23,400

Tell me the truth.

71

00:04:23,900 --> 00:04:26,900

Am I just an idiot

who picks giant losers?

72

00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:32,200

So I pick good guys

but turn them into losers.

73

00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:33,900

- Of course not.

- Well,

74

00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:36,600

it's gotta be one or the other.

Which is it?
75

00:04:42,500 --> 00:04:44,800

I'm sorry, what were the choices again?

76

00:04:45,100 --> 00:04:47,100

I really thought Mike was different.

77

00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:48,500

I thought he was...

78

00:04:48,700 --> 00:04:50,400

sensitive and smart,

79

00:04:50,700 --> 00:04:53,600

I mean, not <i>you</i> smart,

normal non-freaky smart.

80

00:04:54,100 --> 00:04:55,400

Yeah, no, sure.

81

00:04:55,500 --> 00:04:57,900

And then he just goes

and has to humiliate me

82

00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:01,500

by writing about me on his blog

so the entire world can read it.

83

00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:04,100

I tell you, it's not all

that easy to find.

84

00:05:04,500 --> 00:05:07,600

Really? My friends at work found it,

my sister found it.

85

00:05:07,700 --> 00:05:09,600

Judging by my email,

a number of prisoners

86

00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:12,300

at the Michigan State

Penitentiary found it.

87

00:05:12,700 --> 00:05:14,700

What exactly did this guy write?

88

00:05:14,900 --> 00:05:18,400

Not that I need to know the details

of your sex life. I just thought...

89

00:05:19,500 --> 00:05:20,500

Never mind.

90

00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:22,700

No, you know what?

91

00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:26,000

You might as well read it.

Everybody else has. Go ahead.

92

00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:29,900

Oh, God, I just feel

so betrayed and embarrassed!

93

00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:32,800

I just want to crawl

into a hole and die!

94

00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:39,000

Okay. Well, you know,

this isn't that bad.

95

00:05:39,500 --> 00:05:40,900

It just paints the picture

96

00:05:41,100 --> 00:05:42,900

of a very affectionate woman,

97

00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:45,500

who's open to expressing her affection

98

00:05:45,900 --> 00:05:48,100

in non-traditional locales.

99

00:05:48,500 --> 00:05:49,700

Oh, God!

100

00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:52,200

Elevators, parks,

101

00:05:53,500 --> 00:05:54,700

movie theaters.

102

00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:57,800

Out of curiosity,
103

00:05:57,900 --> 00:06:00,000

is this "subway"

the transportation system

104

00:06:00,100 --> 00:06:02,000

or Subway the sandwich shop?

105

00:06:03,300 --> 00:06:04,400

Sandwich shop.

106

00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:08,500

Doesn't that violate the health code?

107

00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:11,000

No, at the sub shop

we were only making out.

108

00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:15,100

But my point is that

109

00:06:15,300 --> 00:06:17,700

you have absolutely no reason

to be embarrassed.
110

00:06:18,700 --> 00:06:20,800

Really?

Do you think I overreacted?

111

00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:24,100

- Maybe a little.

- Because I do that. I do overreact.

112

00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:26,100

Maybe I should call Mike and apologize.

113

00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:29,500

That would be under-reacting.

114

00:06:30,500 --> 00:06:33,600

He did break the implied

confidentiality of the bedroom.

115

00:06:33,700 --> 00:06:37,700

And in your case, the elevator,

parks and fast food franchise.

116

00:06:39,100 --> 00:06:41,700

You're right.

I should just say "I am done with him."

117

00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:43,600

Yes, you should.

Go ahead, say it.

118

00:06:44,300 --> 00:06:46,900

But I never gave the man

a chance to explain.

119

00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:50,000

What is there to explain?

It's all right here.

120

00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:51,700

The betrayal!

121

00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:54,700

No, you were right

the first time.

122

00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:58,300

This is a man who loves me,

but in his own stupid way,

123

00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:01,200

which is trying to show people

how he feels.

124

00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:04,400

I'm pretty sure I never said that.

125

00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:08,600

You did better than that.

You helped me see it on my own.

126

00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:10,100

Oh, good for me.

127

00:07:12,100 --> 00:07:13,200

Where are you going?

128

00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:15,900

I'm going over to Mike's.

Leonard, thank you so much.

129

00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:17,100

Oh, sure.
130

00:07:24,100 --> 00:07:25,800

Maybe I <i>am</i> her gay friend.

131

00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:35,300

I'm going to need

another Mandarin lesson.

132

00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:38,200

I obviously didn't make

my point with those people.

133

00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:40,600

For God's sake,

134

00:07:40,700 --> 00:07:43,700

if you don't like the tangerine chicken,

don't order the tangerine chicken.

135

00:07:44,100 --> 00:07:47,100

I like tangerine chicken,

I'm just not getting tangerine chicken.

136

00:07:49,100 --> 00:07:51,300

- Can we please change the subject?

- Sure.

137

00:07:51,700 --> 00:07:55,300

Tell us again how you screwed up and got

Penny back together with her boyfriend.

138

00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:58,500

Just roll the dice.

139

00:08:02,500 --> 00:08:06,200

"Enslaved by warlocks. Stay here

until you roll two, four or six."

140

00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:07,600

She was mad at him!

141

00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:11,700

She was done with him! The relationship

was broken beyond repair,

142

00:08:11,900 --> 00:08:14,200

and I walked over there,

and I fixed it.

143

00:08:15,700 --> 00:08:18,400

Boy, that story gets better

every time you hear it.

144

00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:22,600

Actually, I thought the first

two renditions were far more compelling.

145

00:08:22,700 --> 00:08:25,200

Previously, I felt sympathy

for the Leonard character,

146

00:08:25,300 --> 00:08:28,100

now I just find him

to be whiny and annoying.

147

00:08:29,900 --> 00:08:31,800

Eat your tangerine chicken.

148

00:08:32,100 --> 00:08:34,800

I'd love to, but I don't

have tangerine chicken.

149

00:08:37,500 --> 00:08:40,500

Thank you so much

for your stupid advice!

150

00:08:46,500 --> 00:08:47,600

Incredible.

151

00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:50,700

You managed to screw up the screw-up.

152

00:08:56,700 --> 00:08:58,000

I'm back.

153

00:08:58,700 --> 00:09:00,400

I'm sorry I yelled at you.

154

00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:02,200

It's not your fault.

155

00:09:02,700 --> 00:09:04,000

What happened?

156

00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:07,300

I went over to Mike's

to make up with him.

157

00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:09,000

Yeah. No, I know that part.

158

00:09:10,100 --> 00:09:11,900

But he had already moved on.

159

00:09:12,300 --> 00:09:13,800

Already? That was quick.

160

00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:17,900

That's what I said to the woman

who had her legs around his neck.

161

00:09:21,500 --> 00:09:25,400

- Penny, I am so sorry.

- How could he do that?!

162

00:09:25,700 --> 00:09:29,100

You know, you did

throw an 80-gig iPod...

163

00:09:29,300 --> 00:09:31,200

Yeah, no, how could he do that?

164

00:09:31,500 --> 00:09:35,100

I swear to God I am done

with guys like that.

165

00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:39,000

You know, macho with the perfect body

and the hair and the money.

166

00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:41,200

Yeah, that must get old quick.

167

00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:43,300

You know, just once

168

00:09:43,900 --> 00:09:45,900

I would like to go out with someone

169

00:09:46,100 --> 00:09:48,000

who is nice and honest

170

00:09:48,100 --> 00:09:50,200

and who actually cares about me.

171

00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:53,400

What about me?

172

00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:55,700

What about you what?

173

00:09:58,400 --> 00:10:00,700

What about if you went out with me?

174

00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:05,400

Are you asking me out?

175

00:10:06,700 --> 00:10:08,300

Yes, I am...

176

00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:10,100

asking you out.

177

00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:16,600

I was just going off

your comment about the nice guy.

178

00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:18,200

- No, I got that.

- And honest.

179

00:10:18,300 --> 00:10:20,400

- Totally.

- It's not a big deal.

180

00:10:22,700 --> 00:10:23,900

Yes what?

181

00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:26,600

Yes, I will go out with you.

182

00:10:30,700 --> 00:10:31,600

Really?

183

00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:38,100

Why not? I mean...

What do I have to lose?

184

00:10:41,700 --> 00:10:43,100

That's the spirit.

185

00:10:48,700 --> 00:10:50,700

Show me your citrus peels.

186

00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:53,900

<i>Gay wo kan ni de jud zi pee.</i>

187

00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:57,900

Show me your citrus peels.

188

00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:01,000

<i>Gay wo kan ni de jud zi pee.</i>

189

00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:02,500

Sheldon?

190

00:11:05,900 --> 00:11:06,900

I'm sorry.

191

00:11:07,900 --> 00:11:09,600

Look, do you have a second?

192

00:11:10,100 --> 00:11:12,200

A second what, pair of underwear?

193
00:11:13,100 --> 00:11:16,100

I was just wondering if I could

talk to you. It's about Leonard.

194

00:11:16,500 --> 00:11:17,400

Why me?

195

00:11:17,500 --> 00:11:19,500

Why not Koothrappali or Wolowitz?

196

00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:22,500

Well, Raj can't talk to me

unless he's drunk,

197

00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:25,000

and Wolowitz is, you know, disgusting.

198

00:11:26,700 --> 00:11:28,500

Yes, I suppose he is.

199

00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:32,700

All I'm saying is,

you know Leonard the best.

200
00:11:32,900 --> 00:11:34,000

Not necessarily.

201

00:11:34,100 --> 00:11:37,200

I'm often surprised

by my lack of familiarity with Leonard.

202

00:11:37,300 --> 00:11:40,400

Just the other day I discovered

he not only has a loofah,

203

00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:41,800

he hides it.

204

00:11:42,300 --> 00:11:45,200

Why do you suppose a man would

be ashamed of having a loofah?

205

00:11:45,300 --> 00:11:48,600

I, myself, prefer to have my excess

epithelial cells slough off naturally,

206

00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:52,100

but I don't condemn those who seek

to accelerate the process.

207

00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:54,300

And until recently,

208

00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:57,200

I had no idea that

despite his lactose intolerance,

209

00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:59,900

he can tolerate small amounts

of non-fat ice cream

210

00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:02,300

without producing a noxious

gas that I maintain,

211

00:12:02,500 --> 00:12:04,800

in the right concentration,

could be weaponized.

212

00:12:06,500 --> 00:12:08,900

Leonard might come home.

Can we talk in my apartment?

213
00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:10,800

We're not done?

214

00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:13,500

No.

215

00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:16,800

Why not? We're already through

the looking glass anyway.

216

00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:23,300

Okay, so here's the thing...

217

00:12:24,100 --> 00:12:26,800

I guess you're aware

that Leonard asked me out.

218

00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:30,700

He didn't actually say anything,

but when he came back to the apartment

219

00:12:30,900 --> 00:12:34,400

he was doing a dance that brought

to mind the happy hippos in <i>Fantasia</i>.

220

00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:37,600

That's nice.

221

00:12:37,900 --> 00:12:39,900

Anyhow, the thing I wanted

to talk to you about

222

00:12:40,100 --> 00:12:42,900

is, since Leonard and I

have become friends... I was just...

223

00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:45,200

Wanna sit down?

224

00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:47,800

I wish it were that simple.

225

00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:53,300

I don't spend much time here, and so

I've never really chosena place to sit.

226

00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:54,900

Well, choose.
227

00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:57,800

There are a number of options and...

228

00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:01,500

I'm really not familiar enough

with the cushion densities,

229

00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:03,700

air flow patterns

and dispersion of unlight

230

00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:05,400

to make an informed choice.

231

00:13:05,900 --> 00:13:08,500

Why don't you just pick one at random

and if you don't like it

232

00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:11,700

- you can sit somewhere else next time.

- No. That's crazy.

233

00:13:13,500 --> 00:13:16,100

You go ahead and talk

while I figure it out.

234

00:13:19,900 --> 00:13:21,100

Here's the thing.

235

00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:24,100

So I've known for a while now

that Leonard has had

236

00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:27,200

- a little crush on me...

- A little crush?

237

00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:32,500

I suppose so... in the same way Menelaus

had a "little crush" on Helen of Troy.

238

00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:36,300

I don't really know who they are...

239

00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:38,900

- Menelaus was the brother of Agamemnon.

- I don't care.

240
00:13:39,900 --> 00:13:41,200

The point is,

241

00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:44,300

Leonard isn't the kind of guy

I usually go out with.

242

00:13:44,500 --> 00:13:47,700

Leonard isn't the kind of guy

anyone usually goes out with.

243

00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:51,700

Would you be open to rotating

the couch clockwise 30 degrees?

244

00:13:51,900 --> 00:13:53,400

No. What I'm saying is

245

00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:56,300

Leonard might be

different in a good way.

246

00:13:56,900 --> 00:13:59,800

Obviously, my usual choices

have not worked out so well.

247

00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:02,100

Your last one worked

out well for Koothrappali.

248

00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:03,700

He got a free iPod.

249

00:14:06,500 --> 00:14:07,300

Glare.

250

00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:10,800

On the other hand,

if things don't go well with Leonard,

251

00:14:10,900 --> 00:14:13,100

I risk losing a really good friend.

252

00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:15,100

I'm guessing he's not looking

for a fling.

253

00:14:15,300 --> 00:14:17,700

He's the kind of guy that gets

into a relationship for...

254

00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:20,400

- like you would say, light years.

- I would not say that.

255

00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:24,800

No one would say that. A light year

is a unit of distance not time.

256

00:14:25,500 --> 00:14:27,500

Thank you for the clarification.

257

00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:35,400

Draft.

258

00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:39,800

People hear the word "year"

and they think duration.

259

00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:43,600

"Foot-pound" has the same problem,

that's a unit of work, not of weight.

260
00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:45,000

Right. Thanks.

261

00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:48,300

- It's a common mistake.

- Not the first one I've made today.

262

00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:53,100

I think this will be my seat.

263

00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:57,100

Do you have anything to say

that has anything to do with

264

00:14:57,300 --> 00:14:58,600

what I'm talking about?

265

00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:01,000

Well, let's see...

266

00:15:01,700 --> 00:15:03,800

We might consider Schrodinger's cat.

267

00:15:04,600 --> 00:15:07,000

Schrodinger?

Is that the woman in 2A?

268

00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:08,600

That's Mrs. Grossinger.

269

00:15:08,700 --> 00:15:11,000

She doesn't have a cat,

she has a Mexican hairless.

270

00:15:11,100 --> 00:15:13,000

- Annoying little animal.

- Sheldon.

271

00:15:15,100 --> 00:15:16,500

Sorry, you diverted me.

272

00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:19,900

Anyway, in 1935, Erwin Schrodinger,

273

00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:23,300

in an attempt to explain the Copenhagen

interpretation of quantum physics,

274
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:24,900

he proposed an experiment

275

00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:28,700

where a cat is placed in a box

with a sealed vial of poison

276

00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:30,600

that will break open at a random time.

277

00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:32,300

Now, since no one knows

278

00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:36,300

when or if the poison has been released,

until the box is opened,

279

00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:39,900

the cat can be thought of

as both alive and dead.

280

00:15:45,500 --> 00:15:47,000

Sorry. I don't get the point.

281
00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:49,600

Of course you don't get it.

I haven't made it yet.

282

00:15:51,100 --> 00:15:53,900

You'd have to be psychic to get it,

and there's no such thing as "psychic."

283

00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:55,600

Sheldon, what's the point?!

284

00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:57,400

Just like Schrodinger's cat,

285

00:15:57,600 --> 00:16:00,100

your potential relationship

with Leonard right now

286

00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:02,200

can be thought of as both good and bad.

287

00:16:02,500 --> 00:16:05,900

It is only by opening the box

that you'll find out which it is.

288

00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:10,000

Okay, so you're saying I should

go out with Leonard.

289

00:16:13,500 --> 00:16:16,800

Let me start again.

In 1935, Erwin Schrodinger...

290

00:16:19,500 --> 00:16:21,000

Two seats right there.

291

00:16:32,900 --> 00:16:35,900

- Sheldon, I think I've made a mistake.

- I can see that.

292

00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:38,800

Unless you're planning on running

a marathon, choosing both stuffing

293

00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:41,400

and mashed potatoes

is a starch-filled redundancy.

294

00:16:42,300 --> 00:16:43,500

No, it's about Penny.

295

00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:45,800

A mistake involving Penny.

296

00:16:46,700 --> 00:16:48,600

You'll have to narrow it down.

297

00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:51,800

I don't think

I can go out with her tonight.

298

00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:53,100

Then don't.

299

00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:55,900

Other people would say "Why not?"

300

00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:58,000

Other people might be interested.

301

00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:02,200

- I'm going to talk anyway.

- I assumed you would.

302

00:17:03,700 --> 00:17:05,900

Now that I'm actually about

to go out with Penny,

303

00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:08,200

I'm not excited, I'm nauseous.

304

00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:10,300

Then your meal choice is appropriate.

305

00:17:10,500 --> 00:17:13,200

Starch absorbs fluid

which reduces the amount of vomit

306

00:17:13,300 --> 00:17:15,200

available for violent expulsion.

307

00:17:15,700 --> 00:17:16,400

Right.

308

00:17:16,500 --> 00:17:18,500

You also made a common

grammatical mistake.
309

00:17:18,700 --> 00:17:20,800

You said "nauseous,"

when you meant "nauseated."

310

00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:23,200

But go on.

311

00:17:24,300 --> 00:17:26,900

Sheldon, this date is probably

my one chance with Penny.

312

00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:28,700

What happens if I blow it?

313

00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:31,100

Well, if we accept your premise

314

00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:33,600

and also accept the highly

improbable assumption

315

00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:36,300

that Penny is the only woman

in the world for you,

316

00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:39,000

then we can logically conclude

that the result of blowing it

317

00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:42,500

would be that you end up a lonely,

bitter old man with no progeny.

318

00:17:42,900 --> 00:17:45,100

The image of any number

of evil lighthouse keepers

319

00:17:45,200 --> 00:17:47,400

from Scooby-Doo cartoons comes to mind.

320

00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:49,900

You're not helping.

321

00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:51,700

What response on my part

322

00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:54,000

would bring this conversation

to a speedy conclusion?

323

00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:56,600

Tell me whether or not

to go through with the date.

324

00:17:56,700 --> 00:17:58,400

Schrodinger's cat.

325

00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:01,000

That's brilliant.

326

00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:04,200

You sound surprised.

327

00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:30,200

- Come on in.

- Thank you.

328

00:18:32,500 --> 00:18:33,700

You look very nice.

329

00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:35,100

Thank you. So do you.

330

00:18:39,900 --> 00:18:41,400

I made an 8:00 reservation.

331

00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:43,600

Okay, yeah, great. Listen...

332

00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:46,000

Maybe we should talk first.

333

00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:54,300

But before you say anything, have you

ever heard of Schrodinger's cat?

334

00:18:56,900 --> 00:19:00,000

Actually, I've heard far too much

about Schrodinger's cat.

335

00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:02,600

Good.

336

00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:11,600

All right, the cat's alive.

Let's go to dinner.

337

00:19:26,700 --> 00:19:28,500

Crazy man. Call the police!

9999

00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00

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