Artifacts For Unknown Armies

Utility Bandolier
Copyright Unknown_VariableX
Something every duke should have.
(Disclaimer: Based on an Enigmatic Device from Steamband. I

make no claims of originality here.)
These devices were originally made by Mechanomancer Charles

Eddington in Virginia, until he died from complications during
heart surgery. Not so much magickal artifacts as sets of
clockworks and mundane materials, Charles made these based on
what he remembered of his own experiences with the occult
underground.
From the outside, the bandoliers are unassuming, except that

they have special compartments resembling Batman's Utility Belt.
Hence the name. Charles' original devices all hold the following, in
some order or another.
1. Road Flares. Useful for distraction, illumination, signalling, or

warding off tenembrae.
2. A flask of whiskey. Even if you're not a boozehound, sometimes

a shot of liquid courage is necessary.
3. Auto-Nurse. This small clockwork is shaped like a spider with a

ridiculous white paint job made to imitate a nurse's uniform. The
ends of its legs are gripping devices and minor medical tools. It
will attempt to treat any minor injuries it sees once it's let out of
its compartment, including those of the owner's enemies;
bandaging cuts and administering painkillers is basically its limit.
It can also carry only so many bandages and drugs, and may run
out in the middle of the fight. It's stats are: Body 10, Speed 40,
First Aid 30%. It cannot defend itself if attacked. Must be wound
up after every five attempts to treat an injury. Use only as
prescribed. May cause headaches and Stress Checks.
4. Skeleton Key. Not the artifact, but a sort of clockwork pick gun
built to the specifications of most pin and disc tumbler locks. Stats
are: Body 5, Speed 15, Locksmithing 40%. Must be wound up
every five minutes.
5. Ambush-Be-Gone. This may have been a good idea in Charles'

head, but in practice it's not always useful. This clockwork is
basically a proximity Alarm. If anyone comes within ten feet of
the wearer of the bandolier, it sets off a bell like an old telephone.
This might be useful in some cases, but overall, it's a pain-in-the-
ass. First, the ABG can't tell the difference between friend and
enemy, so it's just dead weight when people are working together
on something. Secondly, if the person approaching the user
doesn't know he's there, then the ringing bell will certainly tip him
off. Thirdly, even when you need that kind of heads up, you have
to wind the damn thing like every five minutes. Most owners just
take out the ABG and use that compartment to store extra ammo
or chewing gum -- you know, something useful. Its stats are:
Body 5%, Speed 5%, Ring Bells When Other People Are Near
50%.
6. Antivenin Capsules and Ipecac. In case the owner gets

poisoned somehow. Always be prepared.
7. Slinky From Hell. This is a peculiar attack clockwork that

resembles an insect. When released, it leaps out of its
compartment, latches onto the target, sinks its "stinger" -- usually
a large drill bit -- into the target, and then rebounds back into its
compartment. The entire clockwork is connected to the bandolier
by a twenty foot spring. It doesn't require much winding, but if
the large connecting spring is severed, the clockwork is useless
until repaired. Its stats are: Body 10, Speed 60, Attack 40%.
8. Trail Mix. Each bandolier comes with some health food of

questionable safety (expired ten years ago!). Owners usually get
rid of it and replace it with another type of food, or more ammo.
9. Magick Detector. This little gizmo acts up in the presence of

unnatural objects. That is to say, artifacts. It ignores all other
types of magick. You could set off a major charge right under its
nose -- it has a nose, a brass one -- and it wouldn't make a peep.
To use it, a suspected artifact is held under the brass nose to let
the clockwork "sniff" for the unnatural. The process can take a
while, usually up to ten minutes. If there's magick afoot, bells will
ring. Its stats: Body 5, Speed 5, Sound Bells When Magick Artifact
Is Detected 50%
10. Go-Go-Gadget Arm! This is a clockwork built for the express

purpose of disarming people from a distance. It's a mechanical
hand mounted on a spring, like the Slinky From Hell. If aimed in
the general direction of a weapon and released, it will launch
towards the weapon and make minor adjustments to grab it in the
air, then retract and drop the weapon in front of the user. Of
course, if there is no weapon in that direction, the machine won't
even come out, so it can't be used as a weapon (Go-Go-Gadget-
Knuckle-Sandwich!) if the Slinky From Hell is damaged. It will also
only grab weapons from the hands of people, not from holsters or
on the ground. The Smart users let the knives fall where they
may and grab the guns as they're dropped, especially if the other
guy made a big show of turning the safety off. The Arm's stats
are: Body 15, Speed 45%, Disarm People 40%.
Altogether, the Bandoliers are handy, low-powered Swiss Army

Knives for the Underground. Useful in a wide range of
emergencies, but certainly not a secret weapon or ace in the hole
by any standard. The original ones went for about $300 - $600
American, sometimes less. When Charles died, the price rose by
about two hundred dollars, as there was a limited supply. Knock-
offs are often cheaper, but rarely have as many features; they are
also not built as sturdy and may fall apart at a bad time.
There's word that some clockworker chick took the Bandolier Idea
and gave it an overhaul; turned it into a backpack-armored-vest-
harness type thing. It allegedly lets her jump great distances,
protects her automatically in firefights, and enhances her bustline
(but you didn't hear that from me). She doesn't seem interested
in making any more to sell, though. Good freaking luck getting it
away from her if you want it.
A Veritable Slew of Handy Artifacts

Copyright Unknown_VariableX
Magick isn't always about dynamic struggles for power. Some of it

is just... handy.
Minor Artifacts
Booster Shots:
These small syringes are filled with Epideromancer Blood, fortified
with mojo. When injected into any living host, the effect of the
Epideromancy spell Regeneration takes place. Works with all
blood types and Rh factors. Also comes in the form of "Rocket
Booster Shots" which come in tranquilizer darts for the fastest
possible injection time and are backed up with a sig charge,
healing damage like a reverse gunshot wound (percentile of roll).
Criminal Crabs:
Small Clockwork Crustaceans. Not so much artifacts as minor
clockworks. Wind them up and insert them into the bottom of
snack machines, and they will climb up to remove the top-most
product, then carry it back down for retreival. They always climb
to the top to retreive the snack, so if you want something lower,
you're out of luck. You can, however, choose where to place
them, and control which "coloumn" of snacks they take the top of.
For stealing liquid refreshment, see next artifact.
Can Openers:
These resemble lobsters as opposed to crabs. When inserted into
the bottom of the machine, they automatically climb up and
manipulate the vending machine's parts to cause one can or
bottle of product to fall out. There is no way to tell which product
is chosen, it seems to be totally random. The lobster then returns
for retreival, and if you don't like the selection you can always
wind it up again and set it loose, hoping to get lucky (if you're a
body bag with a charge to spare, you might be able to whip
something up to get the lobster to pick right on the first try).
Mind Drops:
These are Fleshworker Tears, carefully collected and powered up.
When used on at least one eye, whoever uses the drops
experiences all the benefits of the Epideromancy Spell Relentless
Will. Great for cramming before finals.
Maniac:
Another Fleshworker recipe, Maniac is a three-way mix between
testosterone, adrenaline, and The Flesh Is My Servant. It has all
the benefits of anabolic steroids (and some of the drawbacks), but
won't show up on any drug test. It will, however, make the user a
bit emotionally unstable until the effects wear off (when they
sleep). Oh, and it's made from... ah... well... let's just say it's a
hell of a lot easier for male Fleshworkers to make it than female
ones.
Significant Artifacts:
Sunglasses At Night:
This is something a Personamancer is said to have cooked up.
When wearing the shades, the user is empowered with an
instinctive and fairly automatic charm and charismatic overtone,
of sorts. The dumb, annoying jock and the geeky nerd alike are
both subtly altered and appear cooler than they might, otherwise.
In other words, there's a 20% Charm skill boost for as long as the
shades are worn. The downside is that for twenty four hours after
taking them off, the user's rod vision, which influences light
sensitivity and detecting motion, is seriously screwed up. Notice
takes a 20% penalty for the entire time.
Rubber Ducky:
As long as this thing is in your possession (on your person, that
is), you are less likely to drown. You can hold your breath for
twice as long as normal (including any 'extra air' you might get
from a skill like Hold Your Breath). It appears to be a natural
artifact.
Shot At Glass:
Drinking whiskey from this small glass will ensure, through some
happenstance, that the next bullet fired towards you within the
next two hours only grazes you. Nobody knows if an
Entropomancer or a Dipsomancer made this, or if they were
working together, or what. Please note that if you plan to be
fighting somebody with a fully automatic weapon, you'll have to
get VERY hammered to get much use out of the glass.
A lot of the Minor artifacts can be bought fairly cheap (a few

hundred bucks) if you can find the right Merchant. The Sig
Artifacts are mostly one of a kind, so you may have to kill the
current owner if they don't want to part with it.

Artifacts For Unknown Armies

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What are some of the items contained in a Utility Bandolier?

What are some of the items contained in a Utility Bandolier?

What are some minor artifacts described in the passage?

What are some minor artifacts described in the passage?

Utility Bandolier

Something every duke should have.

(Disclaimer: Based on an Enigmatic Device from Steamband. I

These devices were originally made by Mechanomancer Charles

From the outside, the bandoliers are unassuming, except that

1. Road Flares. Useful for distraction, illumination, signalling, or

2. A flask of whiskey. Even if you're not a boozehound, sometimes

3. Auto-Nurse. This small clockwork is shaped like a spider with a

5. Ambush-Be-Gone. This may have been a good idea in Charles'

6. Antivenin Capsules and Ipecac. In case the owner gets

7. Slinky From Hell. This is a peculiar attack clockwork that

8. Trail Mix. Each bandolier comes with some health food of

9. Magick Detector. This little gizmo acts up in the presence of

10. Go-Go-Gadget Arm! This is a clockwork built for the express

Altogether, the Bandoliers are handy, low-powered Swiss Army

A Veritable Slew of Handy Artifacts

Magick isn't always about dynamic struggles for power. Some of it

A lot of the Minor artifacts can be bought fairly cheap (a few

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