1

00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:10,711

2
00:00:20,153 --> 00:00:21,154
Present corps!

3
00:00:40,173 --> 00:00:41,375
[GROANS]

4
00:00:43,610 --> 00:00:46,079
[JET ENGINES ROAR, THEN EXPLOSIONS]

5
00:00:48,315 --> 00:00:51,118
[MACHINE GUN FIRE AND
HELICOPTER WHIRRING]

6
00:00:53,287 --> 00:00:54,288
Left flank!

7
00:00:56,657 --> 00:00:57,758
[HOMING BEACON TRILLING]

8
00:01:05,832 --> 00:01:07,367
[SIZZLING]

9
00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:19,746
Man, pot is fun! [LAUGHS]

10
00:01:20,933 --> 00:01:24,980
synced & corrected by PopcornAWH
www.addic7ed.com

11
00:01:25,352 --> 00:01:26,352
♪ I'm so high ♪

12
00:01:28,355 --> 00:01:29,589
♪ Oh, no ♪

13
00:01:32,459 --> 00:01:33,459
[RUTH] Carter?

14
00:01:34,265 --> 00:01:35,329
You okay?

15
00:01:35,395 --> 00:01:37,798
Oh, yeah. Don't worry about
me, worry about these eggs.

16
00:01:37,864 --> 00:01:39,700
They just made the ultimate sacrifice.

17
00:01:42,736 --> 00:01:45,806
Oh. Here we go. Pickles. You know
the tragic thing about pickles?

18
00:01:46,139 --> 00:01:49,242
No matter how hard they try,
they will never, ever...

19
00:01:49,309 --> 00:01:51,178
- "Ever" ever?
- "Ever" ever.

20
00:01:52,512 --> 00:01:53,714
Be cucumbers again.

21
00:01:54,348 --> 00:01:57,551
Innocence lost, but still
goddamn delicious.

22
00:01:59,653 --> 00:02:03,123
- I guess he's one of us now.
- Yeah, he's really opened up.

23
00:02:03,190 --> 00:02:04,725
Should we maybe close him a little?

24
00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:06,760
No, he'll find his way.

25
00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:08,829
He's on the classic hero's journey.

26
00:02:08,895 --> 00:02:11,131
Shouldn't it be "Vlasic hero's journey"?

27
00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:15,202
- Right?
- Point, Travis.

28
00:02:16,203 --> 00:02:17,537
I don't... I don't get it.

29
00:02:23,844 --> 00:02:24,844
Hey.

30
00:02:25,178 --> 00:02:26,747
- Got a minute for me and Pete?
- Sure.

31
00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:30,784
- What you reading?
- The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up.

32
00:02:31,618 --> 00:02:33,353
You no longer spark joy.

33
00:02:34,921 --> 00:02:36,390
Thank you for your service.

34
00:02:42,229 --> 00:02:44,331
Yeah, I, uh... I just
wanted to remind you,

35
00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:47,167
that the pot-ographer I hired
is coming this afternoon.

36
00:02:47,234 --> 00:02:48,935
Oh, yeah, that Jake Bone guy.

37
00:02:49,202 --> 00:02:50,437
[LAUGHS]

38
00:02:52,439 --> 00:02:54,708
- What?
- I'm sorry, I'm just in awe of him.

39
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:57,644
Oh, okay. So, anyways, yeah,
Jake Bone's gonna come...

40
00:03:00,947 --> 00:03:03,717
Explain to me again why we
can't photograph our own weed.

41
00:03:04,384 --> 00:03:05,952
Uh, we can, but he's the best.

42
00:03:06,219 --> 00:03:07,854
I mean, no other pot-ographer has had

43
00:03:07,921 --> 00:03:10,357
as many centerfolds in
High Times as Jake Bone.

44
00:03:12,726 --> 00:03:13,860
You have to stop, dude.

45
00:03:13,927 --> 00:03:15,929
[CHUCKLING] Sorry, he's
like a hero to me.

46
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:18,398
Hey, you have to be careful
meeting your heroes.

47
00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:21,334
I remember the time I met
Archbishop Desmond Tutu.

48
00:03:21,401 --> 00:03:22,636
He grabbed my ass.

49
00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:28,408
He told me in his country
it was a sign of respect.

50
00:03:29,743 --> 00:03:31,978
Okay, I'll go tell Olivia
we can cut him a check.

51
00:03:32,245 --> 00:03:33,847
Why do you have to go tell Olivia?

52
00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:36,283
'Cause she cuts the checks.

53
00:03:37,651 --> 00:03:38,785
How convenient.

54
00:03:40,754 --> 00:03:41,888
You gave her the job.

55
00:03:42,522 --> 00:03:45,258
Point, Travis. Two, love.

56
00:03:46,860 --> 00:03:48,762
And she grabbed Tutu's ass first.

57
00:03:51,598 --> 00:03:55,769
I swear I'm gonna get them together if
it's one of the next things I ever do.

58
00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:57,437
Oh.

59
00:03:57,504 --> 00:03:59,706
- They already got together.
- What?

60
00:03:59,773 --> 00:04:01,975
Well, sort of. She was
over a couple weeks ago.

61
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:03,410
She was?

62
00:04:03,477 --> 00:04:04,477
Come here.

63
00:04:05,779 --> 00:04:07,681
Did they, you know, do it?

64
00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:11,585
They were going to, but
it didn't work out.

65
00:04:11,718 --> 00:04:13,286
Travis said it got weird.

66
00:04:13,787 --> 00:04:15,522
What does that mean, weird?

67
00:04:17,357 --> 00:04:20,393
That's a question I've been
wrestling with my whole life. Heh.
68
00:04:23,330 --> 00:04:24,564
I'll take it from here.

69
00:04:24,631 --> 00:04:26,833
Why are you so into them
getting together anyway?

70
00:04:27,701 --> 00:04:30,303
Uh... I don't know. I feel like
they'd make a good couple.

71
00:04:30,837 --> 00:04:31,972
Oh, of course.

72
00:04:32,672 --> 00:04:35,342
I thought maybe you were
subconsciously overcompensating

73
00:04:35,408 --> 00:04:38,712
for being a frequently absentee
mother by finding a younger proxy

74
00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:41,281
to make him happy in the
way you feel you didn't.

75
00:04:44,484 --> 00:04:46,353
What do I know? I'm no psychometrist.

76
00:04:52,025 --> 00:04:54,694
Hey. You keep that bullshit to yourself.

77
00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:03,370
[COUGHING] Okay.

78
00:05:03,870 --> 00:05:06,072
All right, and with that bud from Utah,

79
00:05:06,339 --> 00:05:10,310
Fifty Tokes from Fifty States
smoke tour is now complete.

80
00:05:10,377 --> 00:05:11,611
[LAUGHS]

81
00:05:11,678 --> 00:05:15,448
Thanks to all 50 fans who contributed
joints from their home states.

82
00:05:15,515 --> 00:05:19,052
Plus the two who told us they got
arrested for some interstate bullshit.

83
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:22,789
- [LAUGHS] That shit's on you, dudes.
- Mm-hm.

84
00:05:22,856 --> 00:05:24,491
How many times we gotta tell you?

85
00:05:24,558 --> 00:05:27,527
You have to pack that weed
in freaking coffee, stupids.

86
00:05:27,594 --> 00:05:31,665
Yeah, we would refer you
to our webisode number 86:

87
00:05:31,798 --> 00:05:34,968
Packing Your Weed in
Freaking Coffee, Stupids!

88
00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:40,941
Thanks to my niece, Rivke, for
donating this weird circle map.

89
00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:43,643
Yeah, we didn't know
what the hell this was.

90
00:05:43,977 --> 00:05:48,081
But then we came to the conclusion that
it's a map of famous American holes.

91
00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:51,384
There are even holes in the ocean.

92
00:05:51,451 --> 00:05:54,888
Oh. Those aren't holes, those
are underwater crop circles.

93
00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:02,596
How are you not president yet, huh?

94
00:06:02,662 --> 00:06:04,798
[CHUCKLES] Yeah, I keep
meaning to do that.

95
00:06:04,864 --> 00:06:06,499
Yeah. God!

96
00:06:06,566 --> 00:06:09,102
Anyway, that's it for us. We're done.

97
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:10,503
- Wait, wait, wait.
- What?

98
00:06:10,670 --> 00:06:12,806
Weren't we supposed to say
something at the end?

99
00:06:12,872 --> 00:06:15,542
I feel like we've been saying
something this whole time.

100
00:06:18,011 --> 00:06:21,114
Next election, I am writing you in.
Shit!

101
00:06:21,781 --> 00:06:23,450
We're done, dude.

102
00:06:23,883 --> 00:06:26,086
- Man, all right. Oh, shit.
- Bye.

103
00:06:26,152 --> 00:06:27,787
- See you later.
- See you.

104
00:06:29,422 --> 00:06:30,624
We remembered!

105
00:06:30,690 --> 00:06:33,126
[YELLS] We do! Oh, God!

106
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:35,462
You guys, we have gone pro.

107
00:06:35,528 --> 00:06:39,399
That's right, Dank and Dabby
are now officially sponsored

108
00:06:39,466 --> 00:06:41,468
by Ruth's Alternative Caring!

109
00:06:41,534 --> 00:06:43,703
[CLEARS THROAT] So, come to Ruth's.

110
00:06:45,438 --> 00:06:49,609
For all the finest in marijuana things.

111
00:06:50,677 --> 00:06:53,647
Conveniently located off of a road.

112
00:06:55,181 --> 00:06:59,853
Everything in that store will
help you get high, guaranteed.

113
00:07:00,186 --> 00:07:02,956
And that's... That's
different from other stores,

114
00:07:03,023 --> 00:07:06,192
like Home Depot where only
most things get you high.

115
00:07:07,661 --> 00:07:11,531
Oh! Oh! But wait, Dank, there's more.

116
00:07:11,898 --> 00:07:12,999
There is?

117
00:07:18,538 --> 00:07:19,539
Actually, there's not.

118
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:23,643
I just realized this is
for holding quarters.

119
00:07:24,477 --> 00:07:25,712
Jesus, baby.
120
00:07:26,179 --> 00:07:27,781
How high are you?

121
00:07:35,021 --> 00:07:36,990
Travis, get in here. We need to talk.

122
00:07:38,925 --> 00:07:41,661
- Now what are you reading?
- The Purpose Driven Life.

123
00:07:42,529 --> 00:07:44,197
- Why?
- I have no idea.

124
00:07:45,832 --> 00:07:46,832
So, listen.

125
00:07:47,534 --> 00:07:49,869
I've been doing some
intense soul-spelunking...

126
00:07:51,104 --> 00:07:55,675
and I realized I was wrong to
interfere with your personal life.

127
00:07:55,742 --> 00:07:58,745
I mean, are you schtupping Olivia?
Are you not schtupping Olivia?

128
00:07:59,012 --> 00:08:00,513
You know? I could give a shit.

129
00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:04,026
What brought about the change of heart?

130
00:08:04,175 --> 00:08:06,043
I was looking in the mirror and I said:

131
00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:10,256
"Ruth, you don't have to find a
younger proxy to make Travis happy

132
00:08:10,523 --> 00:08:13,960
because you were an absentee mom
during his formative years."
133
00:08:14,961 --> 00:08:16,663
And you know what? I was right.

134
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:20,200
Okay, well... thanks.

135
00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:22,736
- Hey, Travis?
- Hmm?

136
00:08:22,802 --> 00:08:25,238
When you see Olivia, tell
her I'm done meddling.

137
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,907
She doesn't have to
provide grandchildren.

138
00:08:28,775 --> 00:08:33,546
I'm prepared to die... knowing
you're the last of my line.

139
00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:36,850
Cool, she'll be happy to hear that.

140
00:08:39,552 --> 00:08:40,854
[SLURPING]

141
00:08:41,087 --> 00:08:42,122
Mmm!

142
00:08:42,589 --> 00:08:43,589
Pickle juice.

143
00:08:43,957 --> 00:08:45,725
I'm either fucked up or pregnant.

144
00:08:50,230 --> 00:08:52,966
Are you sure I'm not bothering
you with this stuff?

145
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:56,302
Not at all. I just promised Travis
I'd quit meddling in his life,

146
00:08:56,636 --> 00:08:58,571
so, now I'm free to
dick around in yours.

147
00:08:59,105 --> 00:09:00,774
Perfect! Okay, okay.

148
00:09:01,107 --> 00:09:04,144
So, last Friday, I'm at
Disney World with my family.

149
00:09:04,811 --> 00:09:06,880
Jim had taken the kids
to the character buffet

150
00:09:06,946 --> 00:09:09,215
so, I decided to hang back
in the Tinker Bell suite

151
00:09:09,582 --> 00:09:12,218
to finish vaping the last
of my Cinderella OG.

152
00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:14,854
Ooh! Disney princess.

153
00:09:15,321 --> 00:09:17,824
In a glass vape pen. Ah!

154
00:09:18,258 --> 00:09:19,592
I prepare!

155
00:09:19,659 --> 00:09:21,895
Okay, so, I'm four puffs
in on the balcony,

156
00:09:21,961 --> 00:09:23,963
I'm watching the sun set
over Space Mountain

157
00:09:24,030 --> 00:09:25,698
when suddenly the door flies open

158
00:09:25,765 --> 00:09:29,302
and Jim and the kids come running in
screaming like there's no tomorrow.
159
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:33,239
Turns out, they had fried the
chicken tenders in peanut oil.

160
00:09:33,306 --> 00:09:34,607
Yum.

161
00:09:34,674 --> 00:09:36,776
No. Anaphylactic shock.

162
00:09:36,843 --> 00:09:38,978
- So, no "yum"?
- No.

163
00:09:39,646 --> 00:09:41,948
Brynn's face swells up
like a Cabbage Patch Kid,

164
00:09:42,015 --> 00:09:45,085
Connor's screaming 'cause we had
to yank him off Snow White's lap,

165
00:09:45,151 --> 00:09:48,121
and Jim's flailing around 'cause
he forgot how to use an EpiPen,

166
00:09:48,188 --> 00:09:52,092
even though I've showed you
20 fucking times, Jim.

167
00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:55,328
So, now I have to be
the responsible one,

168
00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:58,164
and I am as high as a giraffe's nuts.

169
00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:00,889
But I don't panic.

170
00:10:00,914 --> 00:10:04,704
With perfect clarity, I
administer the shot, I call 911,

171
00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:08,608
I comfort Connor, I send my husband
to the ice machine for a time-out.

172
00:10:09,075 --> 00:10:12,912
And I do it all without thinking.
It just felt so natural.

173
00:10:12,979 --> 00:10:15,181
And suddenly, I remembered what you,

174
00:10:15,248 --> 00:10:18,952
my rabbi-slash-shaman, told
me the first time we met.

175
00:10:19,652 --> 00:10:23,890
Maria, smoking cannabis isn't about
withdrawing from your family.

176
00:10:24,257 --> 00:10:26,259
It's about altering your
perception of them,

177
00:10:26,826 --> 00:10:28,194
so they're tolerable.

178
00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:35,201
Any... Anyway...

179
00:10:36,236 --> 00:10:38,037
since then, I've been great.

180
00:10:38,104 --> 00:10:41,841
Calm, cool, less resentful,
more tolerant...

181
00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:44,744
and like I was before I had kids!

182
00:10:46,079 --> 00:10:48,314
Oh, Maria, I'm so happy for you.

183
00:10:48,381 --> 00:10:50,250
Is there something I can do for you now?

184
00:10:50,884 --> 00:10:52,018
No, I'm all good.
185
00:10:52,085 --> 00:10:53,085
You sure?

186
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:56,189
Sounds like you and Jim
might have a few issues.

187
00:10:56,256 --> 00:11:00,994
Oh, I don't know. At the end of the
day, he's my best friend. [CHUCKLES]

188
00:11:01,060 --> 00:11:02,795
Oh, Jesus Christ.

189
00:11:10,970 --> 00:11:13,039
Good news is she promised
to stop interfering.

190
00:11:13,106 --> 00:11:15,408
The bad news is she never
keeps her promises.

191
00:11:17,076 --> 00:11:19,846
Well, let's focus on the good news.

192
00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:23,082
Yeah, I mean, we don't have
to be in a relationship.

193
00:11:23,716 --> 00:11:25,318
- Yeah, but we can choose to be.
- Hmm.

194
00:11:25,385 --> 00:11:27,086
It's something to think about.

195
00:11:28,087 --> 00:11:30,390
Hey, I'm looking for Travis Feldman.

196
00:11:31,190 --> 00:11:32,458
I'm Jake Bone.

197
00:11:34,093 --> 00:11:37,096
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

198
00:11:48,975 --> 00:11:52,145
♪ I'm out of luck, out of love ♪

199
00:11:52,412 --> 00:11:55,949
♪ Got a photograph picture of ♪

200
00:11:56,716 --> 00:12:00,186
♪ Passion killer, you're too much ♪

201
00:12:00,253 --> 00:12:04,190
♪ You're the only one I wanna touch ♪

202
00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:08,227
♪ I see your face every time I dream ♪

203
00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:12,265
♪ On every page, every magazine ♪

204
00:12:12,332 --> 00:12:16,336
♪ So wild and free, so far from me ♪

205
00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:20,873
♪ You're all I want, my fantasy ♪

206
00:12:21,975 --> 00:12:23,810
♪ Oh! ♪

207
00:12:30,249 --> 00:12:32,485
♪ Photograph ♪

208
00:12:36,222 --> 00:12:38,157
♪ Photograph ♪

209
00:12:38,224 --> 00:12:40,760
♪ I need more than your photograph ♪

210
00:12:42,028 --> 00:12:44,430
[LAUGHS]

211
00:12:52,905 --> 00:12:56,085
[CARTER] White guy passes to a white guy
over to the other white guy. He shoots,

212
00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:58,211
it's blocked by another white guy.
213
00:12:58,511 --> 00:13:01,247
That's right, there are
nothing but white guys here.

214
00:13:01,981 --> 00:13:03,783
What kind of sport is this?

215
00:13:05,151 --> 00:13:07,186
- Hey, Carter.
- Hey, Jenny.

216
00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:10,089
I see you brought the
foosball table up here.

217
00:13:10,156 --> 00:13:11,156
Yes, I did.

218
00:13:12,191 --> 00:13:14,527
Dragged it up a spiral
staircase by yourself, huh?

219
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:17,830
If I can unassemble and reassemble
an M4 in less than 30 seconds,

220
00:13:17,897 --> 00:13:19,932
I can certainly do it
with a foosball table.

221
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:21,400
Cool.

222
00:13:21,834 --> 00:13:25,171
So, listen. Ruth's a little concerned
about how much you're medicating...

223
00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:26,873
Foosball is essentially soccer.

224
00:13:26,939 --> 00:13:29,592
You would think there'd be some
Brazilians or some Mexicans.

225
00:13:29,617 --> 00:13:30,954
Somebody brown.

226
00:13:31,577 --> 00:13:32,845
There's nobody brown.

227
00:13:33,246 --> 00:13:34,547
That's racist. This is racist.

228
00:13:35,415 --> 00:13:37,417
Carter, what did you smoke today?

229
00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:39,519
I think you pot veterans
call it Trainwreck.

230
00:13:39,585 --> 00:13:40,617
[LAUGHS]

231
00:13:40,707 --> 00:13:42,775
Makes sense. A high-energy sativa.

232
00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:46,059
Classic drag-a-foosball-table
to-the-roof kind of strain.

233
00:13:47,093 --> 00:13:49,315
Have you ever considered
keeping a journal

234
00:13:49,340 --> 00:13:51,354
to monitor how much pot you're taking?

235
00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:54,000
A journal? Like a diary?

236
00:13:54,381 --> 00:13:55,521
Who am I, Travis?

237
00:13:55,546 --> 00:13:57,503
[LAUGHING]

238
00:13:57,570 --> 00:14:01,274
No, no, it's just an easy way to keep
track of some basic information.

239
00:14:01,407 --> 00:14:03,409
See, here's mine.

240
00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:06,179
Indica's blue, sativa's red.

241
00:14:06,245 --> 00:14:08,114
Indica-dominant hybrid's aubergine.

242
00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:09,949
Date, time of day, amount, et cetera.

243
00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:13,086
What is this, a haiku?
"Moonlight in autumn.

244
00:14:13,286 --> 00:14:16,389
"Dew on the chrysanthemums. I'm a
bad daughter." Did you write this?

245
00:14:17,457 --> 00:14:20,059
What, just because I'm Asian,
you think I write haikus?

246
00:14:20,493 --> 00:14:22,028
That's racist.

247
00:14:25,164 --> 00:14:28,067
Man, I'm so high, she's paranoid.

248
00:14:33,072 --> 00:14:34,974
Are you skipping class to do grass?

249
00:14:35,341 --> 00:14:37,343
Did you know it's wack to do crack?

250
00:14:37,643 --> 00:14:40,246
Are you a loser for being a drug user?

251
00:14:40,646 --> 00:14:41,646
The answer...

252
00:14:42,915 --> 00:14:43,915
is yes.

253
00:14:45,585 --> 00:14:47,587
[SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

254
00:14:47,653 --> 00:14:48,921
Hi, kids.

255
00:14:48,988 --> 00:14:51,557
I'm Tae Kwon Douglas for
Intensity Plus Fight School,

256
00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:53,626
and I'm here to offer you another path,

257
00:14:53,993 --> 00:14:55,027
the right path...

258
00:14:55,495 --> 00:14:56,495
[EXHALES]

259
00:14:57,096 --> 00:14:58,131
the fight path.

260
00:14:58,631 --> 00:14:59,631
[YELLS]

261
00:15:01,134 --> 00:15:02,168
[YELLING]

262
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:09,575
Here in my dojang, you'll learn
how to kick drugs with your legs.

263
00:15:15,148 --> 00:15:17,150
Looks like crack's been cracked.

264
00:15:17,617 --> 00:15:20,586
My method is better than a meth OD.

265
00:15:20,987 --> 00:15:22,021
[YELLS]

266
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:24,991
Oh...

267
00:15:26,692 --> 00:15:29,429
Together, we can deal those
dirty-dealing dealers

268
00:15:29,495 --> 00:15:32,031
the Intensity Plus
butt-kicking they deserve.

269
00:15:32,398 --> 00:15:34,233
'Cause when it comes to pot pushers...

270
00:15:34,634 --> 00:15:35,635
[YELLS]

271
00:15:37,637 --> 00:15:38,637
I'm ruthless.

272
00:15:39,705 --> 00:15:40,705
Don't believe me?

273
00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:43,476
Look at these students that
resemble some of mine.

274
00:15:51,517 --> 00:15:53,586
Intensity Plus Fight School,

275
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:55,688
because if you wanna stay drugless...

276
00:15:57,223 --> 00:15:59,158
come see Tae Kwon Douglas.

277
00:15:59,625 --> 00:16:00,625
[YELLS]

278
00:16:04,597 --> 00:16:06,466
Man, that dude needs to get laid.

279
00:16:10,570 --> 00:16:14,207
Man, photographing marijuana
seems like a dream job.

280
00:16:14,674 --> 00:16:16,108
Then you dream small.

281
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:20,279
I just do this to support
my true calling,

282
00:16:21,214 --> 00:16:22,214
parasailing.

283
00:16:23,749 --> 00:16:26,152
Oh, yeah. I've seen that.
That looks so cool.

284
00:16:26,219 --> 00:16:29,661
Those guys, like, jumping off
cliffs with kites on their backs.

285
00:16:29,686 --> 00:16:31,405
- I mean, that's...
- That's paragliding.

286
00:16:32,867 --> 00:16:34,123
What's the difference?

287
00:16:34,260 --> 00:16:38,531
Parasailing is you and
the ocean, and a boat,

288
00:16:38,598 --> 00:16:41,534
and a harness, and a canopy wing,

289
00:16:42,201 --> 00:16:44,003
and Kyle the guy driving the boat,

290
00:16:44,437 --> 00:16:46,639
and the people who on the
shore are watching you,

291
00:16:46,706 --> 00:16:49,775
and the knowledge that at any moment,
you could plummet 30, 40 feet

292
00:16:50,042 --> 00:16:51,511
into the water and it would hurt.

293
00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:57,116
Paragliding is for pussies
and quadriplegics.
294
00:17:00,219 --> 00:17:02,522
You. What's your name again? Paul?

295
00:17:02,588 --> 00:17:04,357
It was Pete, but I can change it.

296
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:07,793
I'm done with your nugs.

297
00:17:08,461 --> 00:17:10,796
- I'm ready to shoot your plants.
- All right, great.

298
00:17:11,564 --> 00:17:13,432
Get ready, girls. This is your close-up.

299
00:17:14,100 --> 00:17:17,169
Oh, you're one of those hippie
freaks that talks to the plants.

300
00:17:17,803 --> 00:17:18,803
Groovy.

301
00:17:20,673 --> 00:17:21,707
They ever talk back?

302
00:17:22,575 --> 00:17:24,744
No, but I like to think
they can hear me.

303
00:17:27,413 --> 00:17:29,448
What commune did you dig him out of?

304
00:17:30,616 --> 00:17:34,287
The Humboldt County New Century
Kibbutz and Doomsday Prep Station.

305
00:17:35,221 --> 00:17:37,256
Go, Dung Beetles. [LAUGHS]

306
00:17:37,356 --> 00:17:40,159
Hey. How's it going in here?

307
00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:49,135
One question.
308
00:17:49,502 --> 00:17:52,838
Tonight, when you come over, am
I gonna have to waste an hour

309
00:17:53,105 --> 00:17:55,241
pretending to care about
your hopes and dreams,

310
00:17:55,308 --> 00:17:57,376
or are we just gonna get
right to Jake Boning?

311
00:17:58,611 --> 00:18:00,513
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING OVER STEREO]

312
00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:01,580
Stop!

313
00:18:02,114 --> 00:18:03,783
Stop! Cancel the fantasy.

314
00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:06,719
You started talking. Stop the bed.

315
00:18:06,786 --> 00:18:07,786
Wait.

316
00:18:08,154 --> 00:18:09,288
Stop the bed.

317
00:18:09,755 --> 00:18:10,856
Stop... [GRUNTS]

318
00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:12,658
[MUSIC STOPS]

319
00:18:13,326 --> 00:18:14,393
[GRUNTS]

320
00:18:14,460 --> 00:18:17,129
Why am I having an '80s fantasy anyway?

321
00:18:17,630 --> 00:18:18,864
I wasn't even born yet.
322
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:21,434
It should be like a Britney thing.

323
00:18:23,502 --> 00:18:24,870
Aw... Damn it.

324
00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:30,476
[WATER BUBBLING]

325
00:18:31,310 --> 00:18:33,546
- Hi, I'm Ruth.
- You sure are.

326
00:18:34,513 --> 00:18:35,513
And I'm Pete.

327
00:18:35,581 --> 00:18:36,882
Welcome to Strain O' the Day.

328
00:18:37,350 --> 00:18:39,585
Today's strain is an in-house grow

329
00:18:39,652 --> 00:18:42,622
originating in the Black
Forest from Germany.

330
00:18:42,822 --> 00:18:44,290
And it's called that.

331
00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:45,790
There.

332
00:18:46,492 --> 00:18:49,829
And out of respect for my tongue and
Angela Merkel, I'm not saying it.

333
00:18:51,148 --> 00:18:52,234
I will.

334
00:18:52,298 --> 00:18:55,334
Erschreckendglückseligkeit
OG is a German word

335
00:18:55,401 --> 00:18:57,603
that means "frightening bliss OG."

336
00:18:57,903 --> 00:19:01,207
And while there's no equivalent
concept or cannabis in English,

337
00:19:01,340 --> 00:19:04,276
once you smoke
Erschreckendglückseligkeit OG,

338
00:19:04,744 --> 00:19:05,878
you'll understand.

339
00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:10,516
Those Germans, huh? They
got a weed for everything.

340
00:19:11,617 --> 00:19:14,620
Now, usually this is when we'd
show you a close-up of our bud,

341
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:18,290
but why do that when we can wow
you with a beautiful image

342
00:19:18,357 --> 00:19:22,428
taken by the king of
pot-ography, Jake Bone?

343
00:19:23,262 --> 00:19:24,563
[RUTH] How about this?

344
00:19:24,864 --> 00:19:28,167
That'd look swell in your
Oberlin dorm room, right?

345
00:19:30,603 --> 00:19:31,603
Wait. Hold on.

346
00:19:31,904 --> 00:19:34,907
That's not my
Erschreckendglückseligkeit OG.

347
00:19:35,574 --> 00:19:36,574
It's not?

348
00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:38,511
Well, it is, but...

349
00:19:40,212 --> 00:19:41,414
it's been Photoshopped.

350
00:19:43,416 --> 00:19:44,416
How can you tell?

351
00:19:45,217 --> 00:19:48,387
Look at it. It's too... perfect.

352
00:19:48,454 --> 00:19:50,589
These proportions are
botanically impossible.

353
00:19:50,656 --> 00:19:52,291
Real plants don't look like this.

354
00:19:52,358 --> 00:19:54,827
I mean, look at those big fake tips.

355
00:19:58,931 --> 00:20:00,433
You're fucking with me, right?

356
00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:09,775
Jake Bone, if you're watching this,
you need to know I am very upset.

357
00:20:10,409 --> 00:20:13,579
So, consider yourself
alerted to my feelings.

358
00:20:14,613 --> 00:20:16,749
Uh, thanks for watching
Strain O' the Day.

359
00:20:16,816 --> 00:20:19,052
If you hear footsteps
coming up behind you

360
00:20:19,077 --> 00:20:21,311
and they sound like
size ten Birkenstocks,

361
00:20:21,620 --> 00:20:22,755
they could be mine.

362
00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:24,724
I walk very close to people.

363
00:20:26,625 --> 00:20:29,528
- Until next time. I'm Ruth.
- And I'm devastated.

364
00:20:34,700 --> 00:20:37,536
Sophie. Maria, listen. [EXHALES]

365
00:20:37,603 --> 00:20:39,905
I'm the room mom for the
third-grade talent show,

366
00:20:39,972 --> 00:20:42,975
and I know you wanted both
of your twins to perform,

367
00:20:43,409 --> 00:20:45,311
but, gosh, we only have one slot left.

368
00:20:46,011 --> 00:20:47,680
[LAUGHS] I'm sorry.

369
00:20:47,813 --> 00:20:49,815
You're gonna have to
make a choice, Sophie,

370
00:20:49,882 --> 00:20:52,952
'cause the train is leaving the station.

371
00:20:55,888 --> 00:20:56,888
Check it out.

372
00:20:57,423 --> 00:20:58,958
I started a journal for you.

373
00:21:00,459 --> 00:21:01,827
Here's what you smoked today.

374
00:21:01,894 --> 00:21:04,630
You just need to fill
in how much, how often,
375
00:21:04,697 --> 00:21:07,967
and the name of the family member you
think is most disappointed in you.

376
00:21:09,735 --> 00:21:12,805
I'm confused. Are you doing
this for me or for you?

377
00:21:13,706 --> 00:21:15,374
Ha. What do you mean?

378
00:21:15,608 --> 00:21:18,811
I mean... you're always
around here playing doctor.

379
00:21:19,638 --> 00:21:21,007
I don't know what you're talking about.

380
00:21:21,031 --> 00:21:23,226
Yes, you do. Jenny... what's going on?

381
00:21:24,850 --> 00:21:26,652
[SIGHS] Screw it.

382
00:21:28,621 --> 00:21:30,589
Everybody, can I have your attention?

383
00:21:32,291 --> 00:21:35,561
I'm sure you've all been
wondering, "What's up with Jenny?"

384
00:21:36,662 --> 00:21:38,063
- Is it about that hat?
- Gotta be.

385
00:21:40,399 --> 00:21:42,935
It's not a big deal. It's just...

386
00:21:44,003 --> 00:21:47,740
I'm supposed to be finishing my
last semester of medical school,

387
00:21:48,340 --> 00:21:49,508
but I dropped out.

388
00:21:50,476 --> 00:21:52,511
And instead I'm working here

389
00:21:52,578 --> 00:21:55,714
and getting high all the time,
which my parents don't know about.

390
00:21:56,382 --> 00:21:58,450
And when they find out,
they're gonna kill me,

391
00:21:58,517 --> 00:21:59,718
and then kill themselves.

392
00:22:02,755 --> 00:22:03,755
So...

393
00:22:04,890 --> 00:22:07,960
you did write that haiku.
I knew I wasn't racist!

394
00:22:11,964 --> 00:22:14,667
[IN AUSTRALIAN ACCENT]
Sheilas, behold a lie.

395
00:22:16,335 --> 00:22:19,738
A false image perpetuating
unrealistic beauty standards.

396
00:22:21,073 --> 00:22:23,676
You should know it's what's
inside that matters.

397
00:22:24,443 --> 00:22:27,446
THC, CBD, terpenes.

398
00:22:28,013 --> 00:22:29,648
Real buds have stems.

399
00:22:32,451 --> 00:22:33,451
Good day, mate.

400
00:22:33,819 --> 00:22:35,921
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Really?
What's so good about it?

401
00:22:36,622 --> 00:22:39,124
Remember what I told you
about meeting your heroes?

402
00:22:39,391 --> 00:22:40,426
Yeah.

403
00:22:40,492 --> 00:22:43,629
That's why I'm so careful when
people meet me for the first time.

404
00:22:44,997 --> 00:22:47,399
I mean, I know I'm
human, but they don't.

405
00:22:52,504 --> 00:22:54,673
Jake made fun of me for
talking to the plants.

406
00:22:55,774 --> 00:22:57,009
Do you think I'm crazy?

407
00:22:57,076 --> 00:22:58,510
Not for that reason.

408
00:22:59,778 --> 00:23:02,258
I'd be a little worried if you
heard them talking back to you.

409
00:23:02,326 --> 00:23:03,331
[CHUCKLES]

410
00:23:03,411 --> 00:23:05,280
Yeah, well, that's never happened.

411
00:23:06,986 --> 00:23:08,120
You're a good soul, Pete.

412
00:23:09,488 --> 00:23:10,856
And you're wiser than you know.

413
00:23:14,059 --> 00:23:15,059
Thanks, Ruth.

414
00:23:16,095 --> 00:23:17,539
- [PLANT 1] Pete. Pete.
- [PLANT 2] Pete. Pete.

415
00:23:17,563 --> 00:23:19,474
- [PLANT 3] Pete! Pete! Pete!
- [PLANT 4] Pete! Pete!

416
00:23:19,498 --> 00:23:20,842
- [PLANT 5] Pete! Pete!
- [PLANT 6] Pete! Pete!

417
00:23:20,866 --> 00:23:22,534
- [PLANT 7] Pete!
- [PLANT 8] Pete! Pete!

418
00:23:25,004 --> 00:23:26,972
[CHUCKLING]

419
00:23:29,472 --> 00:23:34,472
synced & corrected by PopcornAWH
www.addic7ed.com