CD 1

Act I (45:30) Time Page

1 OVERTURE (3:11) 12
PROLOGUE
2 Gentleman of Bohemia Dmi a Pni! (2:20) 12
SCENE ONE Schweiks Flat in Prague
3 Mrs. Muller So they killed Ferdinand! (3:33) 12
SCENE TWO The Flagon (a tavern)
4 Bretschneider Were having a very fine summer (6:42) 13
SCENE THREE POLICE HEADQUARTERS
5 Pantomime Dance (1:53) 15
6 Schweik Good evening, gentlemen, I hope youre all well. (3:15) 16
SCENE FOUR A CELL
7 Schweik Good evening, evrybody, its been a lovely day. (2:17) 17
8 Schweik Were all in a hell of a mess (1:25) 17
9 Schweik Its great fun (1:56) 18
SCENE FIVE: ANOTHER ROOM IN POLICE HEADQUARTERS
bk 1st Psychiatrist The ego and the Id . . . (2:57) 18
SCENE SIX: THE INSANE ASYLUM
bl Schweik I never felt so good before . . . (2:22) 21
bm Furiant (2:17) 21
bn 1st Doctor Achtung! (0:44) 21
bo Schweik Who will go to the war when it comes? (4:14) 21
bp 2nd Doctor Have they ever examined the state of your mind? (1:43) 21
SCENE SEVEN PART 1: SCHWEIKS FLAT
bq Schweik Mrs. Muller! . . . (1:35) 22
br Schweik Oh, the genrals . . . (1:04) 22
SCENE SEVEN PART 2: THE STREET BELOW SCHWEIKS FLAT
bs Schweik To Belgrade! (1:50) 23

CD 2
Act II (58:20) Time Page
1 PRELUDE (MARCH) (2:51) 23
SCENE ONE ARMY INFIRMARY
2 Consumptive O-o-oh! (0:58) 23
3 1st Malingerer Just look at me . . . (1:50) 24
4 Sergeant Achtung! (1:14) 24
5 Doctor Aha, rheumatism! . . . (3:27) 25
6 Sergeant Baroness von Botzenheim . . . (4:04) 26
SCENE TWO (A) DETENTION BARRACKS
7 Schweik I always thought the army . . . (2:50) 28
SCENE TWO (B) ARMY CHAPEL
8 Chaplain Okay, lets pray! (4:34) 29
SCENE TWO (C) CHAPLAINS ROOM
9 Chaplain Why bless my soul . . . (1:28) 30
SCENE THREE LIEUTENANT LUKASHS FLAT
bk Lt. Lukash Well, Schweik, howd things go today? (3:49) 30
bl Col. Zillergut: Fox! Fox! Come here boy . . . (1:34) 33
bm Sextet (2:35) 34
SCENE FOUR BUDEJOVICE EXPRESS / STATION PLATFORM
bn Lt. Lukash So you let one of our trunks get stolen . . . (3:31) 38
bo Passengers What happened? . . . (1:07) 39
SCENE FIVE A PRIVATE ROOM IN A SMALL CAFE IN BUDEJOVICE
bp Lt. Lukash Dear Madame . . . (4:15) 40
bq Lt. Lukash . . . Come in! (1:44) 41
SCENE SIX SOPRONY STREET/ THE RED LAMB (A TAVERN)
br Voditchka Schweik! (0:30) 42
bs Tavern Patrons Fill up and drink up and fill up again . . . (0:57) 42
bt Polka (2:59) 42
ck Schweik Sixteen Soprony, Madame Kakonyi (1:44) 43
SCENE SEVEN (A) A DUGOUT AT THE FRONT
cl Lt. Lukash Well, Schweik . . . (2:59) 43
SCENE SEVEN (B) THE FRONT
cm Soldiers Wait for the ragged soldiers . . . (3:29) 45
cn Vanek Now we go to the right. (0:38) 46
co Schweik Ill take a quiet road . . . (1:36) 46
EPILOGUE
cp Gentleman of Bohemia Schweik, Schweik, where did he go? (1:22) 46
TT: (1:43:50)
T H E G O O D S O L D I E R S C H W E I K
notes by Dennis Moyer

There are few great archetypes in mankinds his- it, but merely World War I one in a series
tory: Don Quixote, the noble and eternal roman- to those who survived it. It is a curious histori-
tic; Don Juan, the endless seducer; Ulysses, the cal twist that Hasek was born in Prague the same
never ending voyager; Faust, the man obsessed year as Franz Kafka (1883). They also died with-
with the power of eternal knowledge. From the in a year (1923-1924). One can easily imagine
20th century comes Chaplins comic vagabond, The Trials Joseph K. being led across the Charles
who wanders forever in vain through machines, Bridge up towards the castle, passing Schweik
poverty, and love. Everyone instantly recognizes being led across the bridge toward New Town.
the human condition in each of these figures. To
this list we can add another contemporary arche- Robert Kurka, composer of the opera The Good
type: Schweik, the eternal survivor. For over a Soldier Schweik, was born to a Czech father and
century, Schweik has been portrayed in literature, Czech-American mother (with Czech parents) in
film, theater, art, and opera not to mention his Cicero, Illinois. Growing up in a (then) thriving
role in philosophic and political speculation. His Czech immigrant community, he was intimately
legacy as a creative inspiration to writers, artists, familiar with the seminal novel. He knew exactly
and filmmakers from Joseph Hellers Catch 22 what he was doing when he chose Schweik
to Kurt Vonneguts Slaughterhouse 5 contin- as a musical subject; it was not just a technical
ues to this day. exercise in composition. Schweik for the Czechs
is like Don Quixote for the Spanish: The Czechs
Jaroslav Hasek, practical joker, bohemian pub- remember with pride the frustrated Russian gen-
crawler, and soldier-survivor, wrote The Good Sol- erals exclamation during the Prague Spring of
dier Schweik, a comic masterpiece of a novel that 1968: Nothing but a nation of Schweiks.
simultaneously hit the funny bone and sore nerve
of post-war Europe. Within a year of publication, Who is this Schweik and what is he trying to do?
it had been translated into 18 languages (now This is a puzzle to everyone he encounters on
50), and the character of Schweik was legend. his journey through the jails, asylums, taverns,
He was the perfect metaphor for a conflict that and battlefields of the Austro-Hungarian Empire.
was The Great War to those who commenced To some he is an imbecile; to others a spy, to still

4
others he seems a loyal servant of the state. Sch- comedy of that event. But one is in good hands.
weik, however, shares a key ability with Chaplin: Kurkas understanding of Haseks comic univer-
He can come out of nowhere, open his bag of sality is evidenced by his inspired choice to use
tricks, pretend to do exactly whats asked of him a small (sixteen instrument) orchestra comprised
for a time, and then move on. This non-conform- exclusively of brass, winds, and percussion, and
ists appearance of conformity offers an answer to build his themes on march rhythms, folk music,
to a very immediate and pressing problem: how syncopated jazz, and a neo-classical format.
to survive a not-so Great War that involves 70 Equally important, Kurka understood his central
million combatants and leaves nine million dead. character. In his words: Schweik is crazy like a
Great times call for great men, we are told in fox. His optimism manages to remain indestruc-
the operas prologue; but Schweik shows that tible and triumphant.
just a common man can prove Greater than
Alexander the Great. Unlike the kings and gener- The premiere of Kurkas Schweik, at the New
als we read about in the history books, who have York City Opera, elicited alternating puzzled and
the deck stacked in their favor, Schweik is com- ecstatic reviews in the musically provincial New
pletely vulnerable to lifes game of chance. His York of 1958. The reaction to the production
ability to survive and even thrive against all odds in Europe was not sanguine, however; it was
is the ultimate testament to mans freedom. historic. It was immediately staged by two opera
houses of the first rank: the Komische Oper in
Kurka co-wrote the acid but humorous libretto Berlin under the legendary Walter Felsenstein
to the opera Schweik with Lewis Allan (a pseud- and the Dresdener Oper. In its 1997 article on
onym used by Abel Meeropol, best known for Kurkas Schweik, the Metropolitan Opera Guide
writing the anti-lynching song Strange Fruit, and declared: Save for those of Philip Glass, few
for adopting the sons of Julius and Ethel Rosen- American operas since Virgil Thomsons have
berg). It commences, like the novel, during a gathered such a cult following. It has enjoyed
glorious summer all over Europe. It was, in fact, close to 100 different productions throughout the
one of the loveliest on record in the Austro- world in more than a dozen languages. Chicago
Hungarian Empire, the heir to the Holy Roman Opera Theater has offered two productions in the
Empire. It seems an impossible task to translate last twenty years.
World War I into an opera that can at the same
time convey the historic, tragic, and divine What seemed avant-garde in New York in 1958
5
now falls well within the mainstream. No reviewer are typically presented with an almost childish
today would complain (as a major one did at Sch- sophistication and sense of yearning for the past.
weiks premiere), Where are the violins? In the The performer is required to portray the charac-
1920s and 1930s, composers in Paris and Berlin ter in a milieu artistically sketched, in the 1920s
set the foundations for a new modernist form of and 1930s, by Picasso and Cocteau, rather than
musical theater: Kurt Weill with Mahagonny, Igor in realistic settings. At times, the performance is
Stravinsky with Lhistoire du soldat, and Kurkas at the side or in the midst of modern dance cho-
teacher, Darius Milhaud, with Le boeuf sur le toit reography. For the premiere of Schweik, the New
and La cration du monde. Kurka was a pupil of York City Opera found it necessary to recruit Rob-
and natural heir to this now established theatri- ert Joffrey, one of the geniuses of modern dance,
cal tradition. Long before Schweik, operas such to develop sections of the opera. The resulting
as Janaceks The Cunning Little Vixen and Bergs musically theatrical experience is the neo-realistic
Wozzeck were presented as a montage of epi- or surrealist reality that we take for granted today
sodes. Vixens Czech premiere, for instance, came in modern dance, film, theater, and even opera.
in 1924. (It did not reach America, however, until
1965, when it was presented at New Yorks For me, the most telling endorsement of Kurkas
Hunter College.) Berg offered a straightforward Schweik came at its birth: Of all the new operas
explanation for his choice of an episodic mon- premiered in 1958, Schweik was the only one
tage: I simply wanted to compose good music to immediately produced by Walter Felsensteins
develop musically the contents of George Buch- Komische Oper in Berlin, then the worlds preem-
ners immortal drama; to translate his poetic lan- inent theater built around the metamorphosis of
guage into music. Kurkas translation of Haseks the singing actor into an instrument of new the-
Schweik involves this same kind of simple, yet atrical magic. Felsenstein explained: The aim of
difficult to achieve, transformation. true Music Theater is to turn music and singing
in the theater into a convincing, true, and utterly
O ne of the most impor tant tools needed to indispensable mode of human expression. His
implement this new kind of musical drama was productions were legendary and brought people
identified from the beginning as the singing from all over the world to the Komische Oper. His
actor. This new type of singer had to be familiar commitment to Kurkas Schweik was a significant
with classic forms as well as folk music, popu- and timely gesture of enthusiasm and faith. It has
lar ballads, and jazz. Hybrids of these forms proved prophetic.
6
S Y N O P S I S O F T H E O P E R A
Act 1 Overture & Prologue immediately confesses to all of them: Is there
The Overture commences with a chiaroscuro anything else youd like me to sign . . . He is
of rousing military music, dissonant march, and taken to prison.
lyrical melody that depicts Prague street life on
the eve of war. After the overture, a character Act 1 Scene 4
identified as A Gentleman of the Kingdom of Prison cell. Prisoners, including Palivec, sing a
Bohemia introduces Schweik: Frank and sincere vocal blues punctuated with groans, proclaim-
and straight as a rule. Modest and simple but ing their innocence. Schweik finishes the scene
nobodys fool. A newsboy announces the assas- singing about the benefits of the wonderful new
sination of Archduke Ferdinand at Sarajevo. innovations in prisons that have replaced drawing
and quartering. The police decide to have him
Act 1 Scene 1 examined by a team of psychiatrists.
Schweiks apartment. Mrs. Muller, a cleaning
woman, and Schweik banter to a jazzy syncopa- Act 1 Scene 5
tion. Their first words set the tone: Mrs. Muller: So Psychiatric office. Schweik is thrown in the middle
they killed Ferdinand! Schweik: Which Ferdinand, of a maniacal trio of psychiatrists who blatantly
Mrs. Muller? I know one who collects garbage and contradict each other with overlapping questions
another drank hair-oil by mistake . . . and answers. Schweiks nonsensical but assured
answers to their nonsensical questions convince
Act 1 Scene 2 them that the man must be committed to a men-
The Flagon, a tavern. Schweiks home away from tal institution.
home, the tavern has a secret service agent,
Bretschneider, listening for disloyal talk. He quizzes Act 1 Scene 6
the tavern keeper, Palivec, and Schweik and gets An asylum. Against the backdrop of a panto-
enough goods on both to justify their arrest. Sch- mime of peculiar behavior, Schweiks paean to
weik and Palivec are taken to Police Headquarters. institutional life When youre in here you can
do anything, youre free to laugh and dance and
Act 1 Scene 3 sing . . . is followed by a furiant (a lively
Police Headquarters. An orchestral pantomime Czech dance) in which all the patients join. All
dance of police activity is done with a strident except Schweik eventually dance out of sight.
style. A police officer reads the charges against Now Schweik is alone with a pair of doctors.
Schweik, who is impressed by the litany and There is a pantomime of a knee reflex exam.
7
S Y N O P S I S O F T H E O P E R A
Schweik then sings the haunting lament, Who ing a skeptical exchange with Schweik about
will go to the war when it comes? Convinced the new soldiers rheumatism, the head doctor
that Schweik is only pretending to be feeble- launches into a sarcastic aria: We know how
minded, the doctors discharge him. to cure your ills in a most scientific way. For all
malingerers we have met respond to treatment
Act 1 Scene 7 when you get an enema, three times a day.
Schweiks apartment and the street below. Back The malingerers seem to get a break when the
home, Schweik tells Mrs. Muller he has been large-breasted German dowager Baroness Von
drafted, and that he is prepared to serve despite Botzenheim enters praising Schweik and the
a severe attack of rheumatism: Except for my other patients patriotism while lavishing them
legs, Im a fine piece of cannon fodder, and at with delicious food and other goodies. As the
a time when the country needs us most, every patients devour their windfall, the head doctor
cripple must take his post! In the First Acts explodes, exclaiming that their gluttony proves
wild finish, Schweik parades through the streets that their constitutions are strong enough for
in a wheelchair brandishing his crutches in the them to join the fighting. The malingerers are
air and yelling To Belgrade! A crowd quickly promptly marched to the guardhouse.
gathers and joins in Schweiks sardonic bur-
lesque, enthusiastically cheering him on. Act 2 Scene 2 (A)
The guardhouse. Behind bars, Schweik sings the
gently flowing song: I always thought the army
Act 2 Prelude was the place to settle down. His fellow prison-
A prelude with timpani suggests an army on the ers join in an ironic ode to army life: Oh the
march that tries to keep its threatening force up army, the army, its a hell of a hell of a life. If a
to speed, but keeps deflating. bullet gets me, send a medal to my wife.

Act 2 Scene 1 Act 2 Scene 2 (B)

Field infirmary. Schweik has checked into the The guardhouse chapel. The men sit below
military hospital because of his rheumatism. The the pulpit in their underwear scratching their
patients sing of their acts of self-mutilation in backs and checking for fleas. Chaplain Otto
hopes of avoiding military duty as their fellow Katz berates them for their sinfulness, caus-
malingerers chime in with: Hey diddle diddle ing Schweik to sob in repentance. When the
. . . The doctors say hes fit as a fiddle. Follow- Chaplain questions the sincerity of Schweiks
8
S Y N O P S I S O F T H E O P E R A
conversion, Schweik admits: I confess youre jections from the dog. Before running after his
right, but . . . I figured you needed a reformed dog, which has chased Katy out into the street,
sinner. The Chaplain hires Schweik on the spot the Colonel orders Lukash (and, by extension,
as his orderly. Schweik) to the front.

Act 2 Scene 2 (C) Act 2 Scene 4

Schweiks term in Otto Katzs employ is short Train compar tment. On the express train to
lived as the Chaplain immediately loses Schweik the front, Schweik needles a bald-headed man
to Lieutenant Henry Lukash in a game of cards. whom he believes to be an old acquaintance:
A doctor once wrote that loss of hair showed
Act 2 Scene 3 mental disturbance under there. The bald-head-
Lt. Lukashs apartment. Lt. Lukash quickly comes ed man turns out to be General von Schwar-
to regret his victory. When Lukash arrives home zburg on special inspection duty. He takes
at the end of Schweiks first day in his service, exception to Schweiks comments, but saves his
Schweik announces he decided to open up the real fury for Lukash, for allowing his orderly to
birdcage to acquaint the cat and the canary be so familiar. When Lukash comes to, in turn,
together, but the cat gobbled her up to the bawl out Schweik, he salutes elaborately in
last tail feather. So Schweik chased the cat out response. As Schweiks hand descends, howev-
and picked up a dog to take his place. The er, it catches the emergency brake handle caus-
door opens and an immense dog bounds out, ing the train to come to a screeching halt. The
jumping all over Lukash. After Schweik manages Head Guard catches Schweik red-handed (still
to subdue the dog, he informs Lukash that his holding onto the emergency brake for balance)
(Lukashs) girlfriend Katy came in with her bags and leads him away while Lukash continues on
to stay. But not to worry, Schweik says: I figured board the train.
you didnt want to get mixed up, so I sent for her
husband to get things fixed up. A romantic waltz Act 2 Scene 5
trio with Schweik, Lukash, and Katy is interrupted Caf terrace. Lukash is writing a note to a poten-
when Schweik sics the playful dog on Katy. Next, tial new inamorata in the caf of a small town
the dogs true owner, Colonel Kraus von Zillergut, near the front. The romantic letter-writing music
comes to reclaim his pet. When Katys husband is frequently interrupted by Lukashs lewd asides
arrives to try to reclaim her, the scene climaxes in set to jazzier music. Just as the Lieutenant
a wildly comic sextet including well-timed inter- finishes his note, Schweik appears at the door,
9
 S Y N O P S I S O F T H E O P E R A
causing Lukash to recoil in horror. Nonetheless, pits is almost palpable. Into this hell wanders a
Lukash gives the love letter to Schweik for deliv- group of ragged soldiers. They sing a moving
ery to Madame Kakonyi, and no one else. chorus about the emptiness of dying in war:
Act 2 Scene 6 No sound of drums when they come . . . no
Street in front of The Red Lamb, a tavern. On flags at the gate. Eventually, the soldiers all
his way to Sixteen Soprony Street to deliv- collapse on the stage as Schweik and his patrol
er the letter, Schweik runs into his old friend, mate, Sergeant Vanek, arrive. When Schweik
Voditchka, who persuades Schweik to postpone refuses to follow either Lukashs instructions or
his errand so they can go to the tavern to cel- the map, Vanek declares, I got no more time
ebrate their reunion. Inside The Red Lamb, the to waste on you and goes off. Alone, Schweik
patrons sing of the joys of carefree land and sings the lyrical pastoral, Ill take a quiet road,
dance a polka. Eventually, Schweik and Voditch- at the end of which he asserts, For birds and
ka emerge, none too steadily, to deliver the love butterflies I wont need my gun. He leaves his
note. When they knock, however, it is Mr. Kako- gun behind and, in a manner reminiscent of his
nyi who answers and suspiciously grabs the comedic cousin Chaplin, ambles along down the
letter out of Schweiks hand. The ensuing tussle wrong road into the distance. The Gentleman
for possession of the letter becomes a complete of Bohemia from the beginning appears and
free-for-all as people pile into the street to join reports some unconfirmed Schweik sightings
the mle. Schweik ultimately gets the letter since the day he just disappeared. The Gentle-
back, immediately puts it in his mouth, and furi- man concludes by predicting that Schweiks
ously chews and swallows it while the brawl spirit will endure: In one place or other hes
continues unabated. sure to be found. I wouldnt be surprised if hes
somewhere around.
Act 2 Scene 7
A dugout at the front. After thanking Schweik Dennis Moyer is a director, author, adaptor, and
for disposing of the letter, Lukash gives the translator. His directorial credits include a the-
soldier his orders: front line patrol. The scene atrical adaptation of the novel The Good Sol-
then changes to the front itself: A scene of dier Schweik and his own translation of Maxim
stark devastation. Jagged stumps of trees jut Gorky's The Lower Depths. Mr. Moyer has a
from the ground. One or two black skeletons career long history of directing Samuel Beckett's
of trees are silhouetted against the menacing Waiting for Godot, from Frankfurt to San Fran-
sky. The stench of decay from shallow burial cisco. He now lives in Paris.
10
T H E G O O D S O L D I E R S C H W E I K
An O p e ra in T wo A c t s
Libretto by Lewis Allen Music by Robert Kurka From the novel by Jaroslav Hasek
The Cast
Gentleman of Bohemia . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Actor
Joseph Schweik, the Good Soldier . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tenor
Mrs. Muller, the cleaning women . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Soprano
Palivec, the tavern landlord . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Baritone
Bretschneider, the secret policeman . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tenor
Police Officer . Bass
A Guard . . . . Tenor
1st Psychiatrist . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tenor
2nd Psychiatrist . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Baritone
3rd Psychiatrist . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Bass
1st Doctor . . Tenor
2nd Doctor Baritone
A Sergeant . . Tenor
An Army Doctor . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Baritone
The Baroness Von Botzenheim . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Contralto
Otto Katz, Army Chaplain . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tenor
Lt. Henry Lukash . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Baritone
Fox, a dog . . . Actor
Katy Wendler . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Soprano
Col. Kraus Von Zillergut . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Bass
Mr. Wendler . Tenor
General Von Schwarzburg . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Baritone
Voditchka, Schweiks old pal . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Actor
Mr. Kakonyi . . Actor
Madame Kakonyi . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Actress
Sgt. Vanek . . . Actor
Prisoners, Malingerers, Wounded Soldiers, Consumptive, Baronesss Retinue, Tavern Patrons, Guards,
Suspects, Train Passengers, Asylum Attendants and Inmates
The action of Act I takes place in Prague, of Act II at the Austro-Hungarian frontier in the year 1914.

11
 CD 1 ACT I And straight as a rule,
Modest and simple,
But nobodys fool.
1 OVERTURE
(He bows and leaves. A newsboy is heard hawk-
PROLOGUE ing his papers.)

A gentleman of the kingdom of Bohemia Newsboys Voice

steps out before the curtain. Yuxtra! Yuxtra! Read all about it! Archduke Fer-
dinand assassinated at Sarajevo! Read all about
2 Gentleman of Bohemia it! Yuxtra! Yuxtra!
(Speaking in Czech)
Dmi a Pni! Velka doba dv velk lid,
a zde je doklad o tom . . . ACT ONE SCENE ONE
(Stops in confusion)
Oh! Excuse me, please! I keep forgetting Im not Schweiks flat in Prague, June 28, 1914.
in Prague before the First World War! Schweik is seated on a chair. Mrs. Muller, the
(He makes a new start) cleaning woman enters.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Great times call for great men 3 Mrs. Muller
And this is the gist of our story, So they killed Ferdinand!
There are modest, unrecognized heroes
Without Napoleons glory, Schweik
Simple and plain and quite unassuming Which Ferdinand, Mrs. Muller?
And yet we venture to state, I know one who collects garbage
These are the men born again and again and another drank hair-oil by mistake.
And women, Neither would be much loss.
(He tips his hat and bows graciously)
Greater than Alexander, the Great. Mrs. Muller
And such a man, just a common man, No, the Archduke Ferdinand, the fat one.
The kind its easy to like,
The sort Id say you could meet everyday Schweik
Was a very plain fellow called Schweik. Good God! Thats a fine thing, Mrs. Muller!
Schweik, Schweik,
The Good Soldier Schweik, Mrs. Muller
The kind of fellow He was shot at Sarajevo with a pistol.
That fellow-men like, He was riding in a fancy car.
Frank and sincere
12
Schweik and all their brass, high-muck-a-mucks,
Imagine that, in a car, wouldnt save them for a million bucks.
riding in a fancy car.
A gent like him can sport a car. Mrs. Muller
How lucky all those Archdukes are! He was riddled with bullets,
He goes along and never thinks they pumped the whole lot into him,
a pleasant ride will be his jinx. Mr. Schweik.
Did he suffer long, Mrs. Muller?
Schweik
Mrs. Muller That was mighty quick work,
He was done for on the spot. a mighty good shot,
but Id use a Browning for a job like that.
Schweik In a couple of minutes more or less,
I bet you the guy who did the job you could shoot twenty Archdukes, Oh yes,
wasnt just dressed like any old slob. thin or fat, thin or fat,
Ill make you a bet the feller was dressed, twenty Archdukes, thin or fat.
all dressed up in his Sunday best. Now Im off for the tavern, Mrs. Muller,
You cant get near a real big man but Ill be right back.
unless youre dressed up spic and span. (As he goes off)
Youve got to wear a silk top hat A cat may look at a King,
or else theyll nab you just like that. a cat may look at a King, they say,
but evry dog, evry dog,
Mrs. Muller evry dog has his day.
There was a whole lot of them, Mr. Schweik.
ACT ONE SCENE TWO
Schweik The Flagon, A tavern. Palivec, the landlord,
Why sure there was. is washing glasses at the bar. Bretschneider,
When alls said and done a plainclothes policeman on secret service
two heads are always better than one. work is drinking a glass of beer. Schweik is
One person gives one bit of advice, seated at a table looking through the news-
another gives another, so it works out nice. papers.
You take my word and Im willing to bet it,
theres plenty more who are waiting to get it, 4 Bretschneider
the Czar and Czarina are gonna get shot Were having a very fine summer,
and even, believe me, though lets hope not, a very fine summer, dont you think?
the Emperor himself!
I heard a chap in the saloon Palivec
say they would all get knocked off soon 13
 It stinks. Schweik
Youre wrong there, youre wrong there.
Bretschneider And Ill tell you why,
Thats a fine thing theyve done for us It was done by the Turks
at Sarajevo, Which you cannot deny,
a fine thing, dont you think? If my theory works
It was done by the Turks
Palivec As the Archduke came riding by.
Oh, I dont stick my nose You see now, you see now,
into things of that sort, Its plan as your nose,
No siree, Ill be hanged if I do. The Turks were the losers
Nowadays, its as much as As history shows,
your life may be worth We just took their land
To get mixed up like that, I tell you. So they shot Ferdinand
Things like that arent meant for the likes of us. And thats the way history goes.
Its none of our business, I think.
Yes, things like that arent meant for the likes Bretschneider
of us Thats all well and good, Mr. Schweik,
Unless we want to land in the clink. but you will admit its a great loss,
a great loss to Austria.
Bretschneider
You used to have the Schweik
Emperors picture up there, Oh, theres no denying its a very great loss,
right up there, it was hanging up that high. To lose a man whos born for royal rule.
We cant replace our Archduke Ferdinand
Palivec With any old sort of any damn fool.
Yes, thats right, it was If war would break out right this very day,
hanging up there, it is true. Id volunteer to march up straight to my death,
But I took it away and heres why. Id shove my head right in the cannons mouth
The flies were all putting their trademark on it, And serve the Emperor to my last breath!
so I put that beautiful portrait away. Do you imagine that our glorious Emperor
With horseflies up there getting awfully familiar, Would put up with this petty sort of thing?
I just was afraid of what people would say. Do you imagine that our glorious Emperor
Will wait to hear the heathen bullets sing?
Bretschneider Oh, you mark my words,
That business at Sarajevo, Im telling you straight,
it was done by the Serbs. A bang-up fight is what were headed for,
14
I see it clear, as sure as fate, Yes.
The Emperor wants a great, big war!
|I . . . Bretschneider
| Can your wife carry on the business
|Bretschneider during your absence?
|Youve said enough!
Now, I have something to say to you! Palivec
Come over here. Yes.
(Moves away with Schweik and shows his badge)
Youre under arrest! Bretschneider
Im taking you to police headquarters! Thats all right then, Mr. Palivec.
Tell your wife to step this way.
Schweik Hand the business over to her.
There must be some mistake! Im innocent!
Palivec
Bretschneider What did I do? What did I say?
Thats what you think! Ive been so careful!
May I inform you that in the last few moments,
youve committed several penal offenses, Bretschneider
including high treason! Thats what you think!
Ive got you for saying that the flies left their
Schweik trademark on the Emperor!
You dont say! Youll have all that stuff knocked
(To Palivec) out of your head!
Ive had five beers (Bretschneider leaves with Schweik and Palivec.)
and a couple of sausages with a roll.
Now let me have a slivovitz and I must be off. ACT ONE SCENE THREE
Im arrested. Police Headquarters
Palivec 5 Pantomime dance in which suspects are
Arrested! hauled in for interrogation, official
documents stamped, and the prisoners
Bretschneider dragged out.
(To Palivec)
Are you married? (Schweik is shoved in.)
Palivec
15
 6 Schweik
Good evening, gentlemen, Schweik
I hope youre all well. Oh, yes sir, Ill admit anything.
Its easy to see youve got to be strict.
Police Officer If you aint strict, why where would we be?
Wipe that idiotic smile off your face! Its like when I was in the Army

Schweik Police Officer

I cant help it, sir, Shut up! Sign this paper!
I mean my face.
I was let out from the Army Schweik
on account of being weak-minded, sir, Yes sir.
officially discharged (He signs)
as a chronic case. Is there anything else you want me to sign
or shall I come back tomorrow at nine?
Police Officer Police Officer
Is that so?! Dont you worry!
The record shows youve got Youll be taken to Criminal Court
your wits about you, all right! in the morning.
Ill read the charges against you!
Disorderly conduct, Schweik
resisting an officer, What time, sir?
disturbing the peace, You see when Ive got a date to keep,
inciting to riot, I certainly wouldnt want to oversleep.
endangering security, I sure wouldnt want to miss it for anything
conspiring rebellion,
and high treason! Police Officer
Now, what have you got to say for yourself? Get out!
(They drag Schweik out.)
Schweik
Thats a lot of charges, sir, ACT ONE SCENE FOUR
quite a long string. A cell. Prisoners are seated around. Schweik
I guess what Ive got is thrown into the cell.
is too much of a good thing.
7 Schweik
Police Officer (To the prisoners)
So you admit its true, do you?
16
Good evening, evrybody, |Im innocent, Im innocent!
its been a lovely day. |
(No reply) |Palivec (et al)
May I ask why you are here? |Im innocent, Im innocent, Im innocent,
|Im innocent, Im innocent!
|Palivec
|That Sarajevo affair. 8 Schweik
| Were all in a hell of a mess,
|4th Prisoner in a hell of a mess are we,
|That Ferdinand business! but nothing can happen to you
| and nothing can happen to me,
|3rd Prisoner Nothing can happen to any of us,
|That Archduke!
| we wont be here too long,
|2nd Prisoner Ive no doubt that well get out,
|That shooting! but again, I may be wrong.
| For why do we have police,
|1st Prisoner the government spies and such?
|That murder! To throw us in the jug
if we open our mouths too much.
1st Prisoner If the times are so dangerous and bad
A day before the Duke was shot that a Duke can get himself shot,
I treated a Serb to pretzels and beer, dont be surprised if were penalized
Last night the cops broke down my door, and they leave us here to rot.
They beat me all up and dragged me here, Oh, were all in a hell of a mess,
|But Im innocent, Im innocent, Im innocent, in a hell of a mess are we,
|Im innocent, Im innocent! but nothing can happen to you
| and nothing can happen to me,
|Palivec and other prisoners Theyre making all the fuss
|Im innocent, Im innocent, Im innocent, to do the Duke up brown
|Im innocent, Im innocent! and put on a show before they go
and bury him undergroun.
4th Prisoner Oh, were all in a hell of a mess,
I was just sitting playing at cards, in a hell of a mess are we,
With some of my friends, not saying a thing, but the more of us there are,
I won a trick, a lucky trump, the happier well be!
And I hollered out, Bang, goes the King! Palivec
|But Im innocent, Im innocent, Im innocent, Oh God! Whats going to happen to me?
17
 What will they do to me here? (Two guards enter.)
What will they do?
Guard
9 Schweik Schweik! Come on!
Its great fun. You got to be examined again!
They drag you in, (The guards march off with Schweik.)
holler and shout,
punch you around ACT ONE SCENE FIVE
and kick you out. Another room in Police Headquarters, the
In the old times Commission of Medical Authorities, com-
it was a lot worse, prising of three extremely serious gentle-
you walked in men representing three distinct schools of
and came out in a hearse. thought with regard to mental disorders are
I once read in a book in debate.
where it said
you had to dance on red-hot iron bk 1st Psychiatrist
and drink molten lead. The ego and the Id, the Totem and Tabu,
You were shot or hanged, I tell you the Unconscious
burned or slaughtered, is controlling what you do!
and as a special event,
drawn and quartered. |3rd Psychiatrist
They split you open |No! No! No! No!
or chopped your head, |
you might be innocent |1st Psychiatrist
but you were also . . . dead. |Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Theres no quartering here |
or things of that kind, |2nd Psychiatrist
its improved for our benefit |Youre both wrong! Youre both wrong!
Im glad to find,
Weve got a mattress, 1st Psychiatrist
a table, a seat, Freud says behavior of King or Duke
they bring us soup and water or commoner
and bread to eat, Is based on understanding of hysterical
the slop pot is right there phenomena!
under your nose, 3rd Psychiatrist
a lot of progress Its all somatic!
is what it shows.
18
 |3rd Psychiatrist
2nd Psychiatrist |Youre doctrinaire, Herr Professor,
Youre both erratic! |your arguments chaotic! Your arguments
|chaotic! Your arguments chaotic! Chaotic!
|3rd Psychiatrist |Chaotic! Chaotic! Chaotic! Chaotic!
|Somatic! Somatic! Somatic! Somatic! |
| |1st Psychiatrist
|2nd Psychiatrist |Getting more neurotic!
|Erratic! Erratic! |Getting more neurotic! Neurotic!
|Neurotic! Neurotic! Neurotic! Neurotic!
1st Psychiatrist
Evrything is sex, sex, sex, |1st Psychiatrist
which we consciously suppress! |I refer you to Freuds Jahrbuch fur
|Psychoanalytische und Psychopathologische
|2nd Psychiatrist |Forschungen!
|The more I hear your theory, |
|I like it less and less! I like it less and less! |2nd Psychiatrist
|I like it less and less! |So how would you explain what happened to
| |the Archduke at Sarajevo?!
|3rd Psychiatrist |
|Youre both wrong, youre both wrong, the |3rd Psychiatrist
|whole thing is a mess! The whole thing is a |I disagree with both of you!
|mess! The whole thing is a mess! |I disagree with both of you! I disagree!
|
|1st Psychiatrist (The guards and Schweik enter.)
|Which we consciously suppress,
|which we consciously suppress! Schweik
Gentlemen! Long live our Emperor, Franz Josef!
1st Psychiatrist (The three psychiatrists stare at Schweik, look
Evrybody, evrywhere is getting more neurotic! meaningfully at each other, and then turn their
attention decisively to him.)
|2nd Psychiatrist
|Youre anti-sex, youre anti-sex 1st Psychiatrist
|and thats unpatriotic! And thats unpatriotic! Be calm, well just ask you a few questions.
|And thats unpatriotic! 2nd Psychiatrist
|Patriotic! Patriotic! - triotic! - triotic! - triotic! Do you believe in the end of the world?
|
19
 Schweik (To the guards)
If worse comes to worst, You can take this prisoner back to
to believe it, Ill have to see it first. where he came from.
(Schweik exits with guards.)
3rd Psychiatrist
Could you measure the diameter of the globe? 1st, 2nd & 3rd Psychiatrist
Were not here to deplore it, abhor it, or pity it,
Schweik But examination shows
Not me, sir, I couldnt measure its middle, that Josef Schweik is an idiot!
but gentlemen, now Ill ask you a riddle:
Theres a house with three stories |1st Psychiatrist
with eight windows on each, |Yes! Yes!
on the roof are two gables |
and two chimneys upreach, |2nd Psychiatrist
on each story two tenants |An idiot! An idiot!
and two doors on each side, |
and now, gentlemen, tell me in what year |3rd Psychiatrist
the house-porters grandmother died? |Yes! Yes! Yes!
(The psychiatrists give each other corroborative
glances.) 1st, 2nd & 3rd Psychiatrist
So theres only one solution,
2nd Psychiatrist harmonious solution,
How much is twelve thousand eight hundred The man must be committed
and ninety seven, times thirteen thousand eight to a mental institution.
hundred and sixty three? Youre so right! So right! So right!
The man must be committed
Schweik to a mental institution!
Seven hundred and twenty nine.
ACT ONE SCENE SIX
1st Psychiatrist
Well now, I think thats quite enough. The Insane Asylum. Attendants wait on Sch-
weik hand and foot. In the background, a few
Schweik other patients are going through a panto-
Thank you, gentlemen, mime of peculiar behavior.
its quite enough for me, too. bl Schweik
I never felt so good before,
1st Psychiatrist a man cant ask for more,
20
 when youre in here you can do anything, and bright medals for his prize,
youre free to laugh and dance and sing, Home the hero comes,
you get three meals each day no arms, no legs, no eyes . . .
and no one here cares a hoot what you say, Who will go to the war when it comes,
nothing you do can rile em Who will march to the fife and drums,
in this peaceful, nice asylum. Who will cradle the children and moan,
La la la la la la la la . . . Weep all alone for one who soon
They tend me night and day, will lie cold as stone,
Im shaved and bathed in such a royal way. Cold as stone . . .
Oh, I am so content, (The doctors look at each other with raised
free food and no rent, eyebrows.)
and I just hope it will last forever.
bp 2nd Doctor
bm FURIANT Have they ever examined the state of your
(Schweik and the other patients go into a furiant mind?
a Czech dance. The other patients dance out
of sight and Schweik is left alone. Two doctors Schweik
suddenly appear.) In the Army, they said I was balmy,
and thats what youll probably find.
bn 1st Doctor
Achtung! 1st Doctor
It seems to me youre a malingerer!
2nd Doctor
Sit down! Schweik
(Pantomime: Schweik sits on a chair. The Oh, no sir! Im no malingerer.
doctors examine him then move away for a brief The Army officially reported me
argumentative conference with much as not all there,
gesticulation.) Im feeble-minded fair and square.

bo Schweik 1st & 2nd Doctor

Who will go to the war when it comes, Youre a malingerer!
Who will march to the fife and drums,
Who will cling to the soldier and sigh, 1st Doctor
Kiss him and cry, Attendant!
and sadly wave him a last goodbye, (An attendant rushes up.)
Sadly wave him a last goodbye. Give this man his clothes and discharge him!
Home the hero comes with fife and drums (The doctors cast a crushing glance at Schweik.
21
 The attendants take hold of him.) for my beloved country,
the draft can have me first.
Schweik
(Resisting) Mrs. Muller
I want my lunch first! I want my lunch first! But you cant walk!
I want my lunch!
(Attendants carry Schweik off as he resists.) Schweik
A man cant be thrown out of an insane asylum That doesnt matter, Mrs. Muller.
without having lunch first! I want my lunch! Ill join the Army in a wheelchair
I want my lunch! My lunch! and youll wheel me there.

ACT ONE SCENE SEVEN (Part 1) Mrs. Muller

Schweiks flat. Schweik is lying in bed with an I better call a doctor!
attack of rheumatism.
Schweik
bq Schweik Dont bother, Mrs. Muller.
(Holding a letter in his hand.) Except for my legs,
Mrs. Muller! Im a fine piece of cannon fodder,
Come here a minute, Mrs. Muller! and at a time when the country needs us most,
(Mrs. Muller enters) evry cripple must take his post!

Schweik br Schweik
Im going to join the Army. I got my draft call. Oh, the genrals and the colonels
and the majors and the rest,
Mrs. Muller They ride behind their privates
Dear me! but they really look the best,
What are you going to do there, Mr. Schweik? With their medals and their ribbons
and their sabers flashing by,
Schweik And their handsome, prancing horses
Fight! with their tails way up high!
Austrias in a bad way Hup hup hup hup hup hup hup hup!
and things are looking black, (By the end of the first stanza, Schweik has
instead of moving forward, gotten very fierce and martial while Mrs. Muller
the Armys moving back, grows more and more distressed.
so though rheumatism has got me By the end of the second stanza,
and this attacks the worst, Schweik is standing on his bed in a frenzy.)
Oh, the cannon balls are falling
22
 and the blood is flowing fast Schweik, a newcomer. On another bed lies a
For soldiers of the infantry dying consumptive, wracked with coughing
this day will be their last, and groans. An enema bag hangs over each
But the genrals and the colonels bed.
and the majors bravely fly
On their handsome, prancing horses 2 Consumptive
with their tails way up high (Coughs and groans)
Hup hup hup hup hup hup hup hup! etc. O-o-oh!
(Mrs. Muller rushes out completely distraught.)
Palivec
I cant stand it any more!
ACT ONE SCENE 7 (Part 2)
The street below Schweiks flat. Mrs. Muller 1st Malingerer
appears pushing a wheelchair in which Sch- Me, too. Im going to join my regiment.
weik sits brandishing a pair of crutches. A
crowd forms. Consumptive
(Coughs and groans)
bs Schweik O-o-oh!
(Shouting and brandishing his crutches)
To Belgrade! To Belgrade! 1st Malingerer
(The crowd gradually falls into the spirit of (Indicating the consumptive)
Schweiks sardonic burlesque and spurs him on Hes going to go bye-bye soon. Theres a
with applause and cheers.) rattle in his throat. That will be the third this
To Belgrade! To Belgrade! etc. week.
(To Schweik)
Everyone Whats wrong with you?
To Belgrade!
Schweik
CD 2 ACT 2 Ive got rheumatism.
(They all laugh with hollow amusement, even the
1 PRELUDE (March) dying consumptive.)

ACT TWO SCENE ONE 1st Malingerer

Its no use coming here with rheumatism. It
An infirmary. Several beds on which are stands as much chance as having corns.
lying malingerers, consisting of Palivec, the 3 Just look at me.
prisoners we saw previously in a cell, and What do you see?
23
 Im as anemic as a man can be. Hey diddle diddle,
Half my stomachs missing Hey diddle diddle,
And five ribs are cracked, The doctors say
But the doctors say Hes as fit as a fiddle.
Im just putting on an act.
4th Malingerer
Malingerers If you want to know,
Hey diddle diddle, I chopped my toe
Hey diddle diddle, And the big one, too,
The doctors say So I wouldnt have to go.
Hes as fit as a fiddle. I got a dozen fractures
And I broke my spine
3rd Malingerer But the doctors said
I had the hope My physique was fine.
If I chewed some soap,
Id froth at the mouth Malingerers
And be safe as the Pope. Hey diddle diddle,
I went into a spasm Hey diddle diddle,
And howled and bit, The doctors say
But the doctors said Hes as fit as a fiddle.
I was absolutely fit. (A doctor and a medical corps Sergeant with a
notebook enter. The malingerers sit up stiffly. The
Malingerers doctor and Sergeant go from bed to bed.)
Hey diddle diddle,
Hey diddle diddle, 4 Sergeant
The doctors say Achtung!
Hes as fit as a fiddle Kovarick.
2nd Malingerer 1st Malingerer
I drank strychnine, Present, sir.
You should have seen (The doctor looks him over.)
The way I puked and turned all green.
I dosed myself with poison Doctor
Until almost dead, Enema . . . and aspirin.
Youre in perfect shape,
Was what the doctors said. Sergeant
Kotatko.
Malingerers
24
 2nd Malingerer Schweik
Present, sir. Yes, sir, something fierce.

Doctor Doctor
Stomach to be rinsed out . . . and quinine. You can hardly walk
Or move about,
Sergeant At the very moment
Palivec. When a war breaks out!
Its such a coincidence,
Palivec And I can bet,
Present, sir. Youre quite disappointed
And so upset!
Doctor
Enema and aspirin. Schweik
Oh, yes sir, youre right.
Sergeant Its a horrible shame,
Schweik. When Im rarin to fight,
(To doctor) To be crippled and lame!
A new malingerer, sir. I feel just terrible!

Schweik Doctor
Present, sir. I aint a malingerer, sir. I can imagine!
In peace time, of course,
Doctor You sing another note,
Whats the matter with you? You skip around
Like a blithering goat!
Well soon have you up
Schweik And marching away!
Beg to report, sir, (To Sergeant)
Ive got rheumatism. Give him an enema
Three times a day!
5 Doctor (The Sergeant goes out. The doctor addresses all
Aha, rheumatism! the malingerers.)
A terrible disease,
It affects all your joints, Doctor
Theres pain in your knees. In trying to evade
The military draft,
25
 Unpatriotic scoundrels all malinger suddenly reappears at the door.)
By feigning deaf and dumb
Pretending to be daft Sergeant
Or bashing in a toe or trigger finger. Get under cover,
Its only sabotage The lot of you
No matter what you cry Or Ill knock the stuffing
Of rupture, diabetes, rheumatism, Out of you!
We just put on the screws And keep your dirty feet
And then you cant deny Under the sheet,
Your malady is lack of patriotism. Theres someone important
Oh, we know how to cure your ills Youre goin to meet!
In a most scientific way, Schnell!
For all malingerers we have met Achtung!
Respond to treatment when you get (The malingerers catapult themselves under the
An enema three times a day. blankets. A big-bosomed German dowager enters
You all have got two ears, followed by a procession. The Sergeant leads her
You all have got two eyes, to Schweiks bed.)
Youve arms and hands 6 Baroness von Botzenheim,
and feet that come in twos, Here is Schweik.
And if you should get shot As you can see
Fr Kaiserreich und Gott! He is bearing up
Too bad you only have one life to lose! Patiently.
You draftees have to learn (The Baroness goes down to Schweiks bed.)
One simple army rule,
Youre born to get a uniform and gun, Baroness
And when it comes to war, Brave soldier, cripple soldier,
Nobody plays the fool, I come to see you.
When bugles blow, its evry mothers son! I read in the paper
Yes, we know how to cure your ills The brave ting you do.
In a most scientific way, You are so eager
For all malingerers we have met To do your share,
Respond to treatment when you get You answer the draft
An enema three times a day. In an old wheel chair.
Achtung! (She strokes his face)
(The malingerers straighten up.) I bring you someting
Turn over! To eat and drink.
(They take the enema position. The Sergeant You are a brave soldier
26
Is what I tink. Going off to war,
(To her footman) Going off to war,
Johann, kommen sie her. Day and night,
(The footman pulls a large hamper toward the Night and day
bed. The Baronesss lady companion sits down While you fight
on Schweiks bed and smoothes the straw pallet We will pray,
behind him. The Baroness takes the gifts from God knows what youre fighting for.
the hamper roast fowls, sausages, bottles of Chicken and wine, and
wine, packets of cigarettes, boxes of candies and Cigarettes,
cakes, hair brushes, manicure sets, toothbrushes, Toothbrush, hairbrush,
toothpaste, and white lilies in flower pots. The Manicure sets,
lady companion props Schweik up and sheds Cake and candy,
tears. The malingerers are hypnotized.) Chocolat,
And a white lily
Schweik In a flower pot,
My God! (The Baroness and her retinue start going out)
What a windfall! Fur Kaiser,
(Apologetically for the Baroness) Und Vaterlandt
I mean to say: Und fur Gott!
Thank the Lord (They exit.)
For these blessings all,
And humbly pray . . . Doctor
(Exploding)
Malingerers Schweinen!
Amen! Pigs!
Gluttons!
(Schweik bows his head. The other malingerers You dont appreciate
follow suit, their eyes on the hamper. Schweik All the things I do,
grabs a whole fowl and begins devouring it, pass- I keep you on a diet
ing the other birds and sausages out among his And enema you!
bedmates. The Doctor is ready to burst but con- (To Schweik)
trols himself. The Baroness, her lady companion, You lummox!
and footman distribute the presents among the (To others)
malingerers.) If you had any sense
You wouldnt stuff
Baroness & others Your stomachs!
Brave soldiers, Youd have realized
Brave, brave soldiers, This would prove 27
 If you eat like a pig I always thought the Army
Youre able to move, Was the place to settle down,
And if you can move You drill and drill and drill and drill
Youve got enough starch And then you sleep.
To get in line and march! But when youre in the Army,
Achtung! And the bullets fly aroun,
(The malingerers jump up and get in line) They dig and dig and dig and dig
Heraus, You six foot deep.
Marsch! (A Sergeant enters)
(They march out.)
Sergeant
ACT TWO SCENE TWO (A) All right, on your feet,
You scabby vermin,
Schweik, in underwear, is behind bars. Near Youre goin to chapel
him, similarly undressed, are the other malin- To hear a sermon!
gerers. (The Sergeant herds the men out.)
7 Schweik
ACT TWO SCENE TWO (B)
I always thought the Army
Was the place to settle down, A chapel. Chaplain Otto Katz is in the pulpit.
You drill and drill and drill and drill Schweik and the other malingerers in under-
And then you sleep. wear are under the pulpit. Some are scratch-
But when youre in the Army ing themselves, picking noses, chewing ciga-
And the bullets fly aroun, rette butts, and bartering odds and ends.
They dig and dig and dig and dig 8 Chaplain
You six foot deep. Okay, lets pray! Now, altogether with me
To save your souls when resurrection comes . . .
Schweik and others You ox-head louts, you good-for-nothing tramps,
Oh, the Army, the Army, You pack of thieves, you scum,
its a hell of a hell of a life, You low-down bums!
If a bullet gets me, send a medal to my wife, Now pray!
Oh, the Army, the Army,
its a hell of a hell of a show, Schweik
When the drums are muffled Say, hes all right!
and the mournful bugles blow.
Chaplain
Schweik I said pray!
28
 For many years,
All And no one ever yet
Rumble, rumble, rumble, etc., etc. Shed any tears.
Amen! Now own up,
Its all pure sham,
Chaplain Your sobs
You brainless imbeciles, youve got a living soul Aint worth a damn!
More previous than your hulk of flesh and
blood, Schweik
Youve got a gift that comes from Heavn above Beg to report, sir,
And all you do is drag it, yes drag it in the mud! I confess youre right,
Do you hear me down there, But I liked your sermon
You in the underwear! And I thought you were tight,
And I figured you needed
Schweik A reformed sinner,
Beg to report, sir, we hear you. Your worship.
(The Chaplain gazes at him thoughtfully)
Chaplain
Where was I? Chaplain
Get something on
Others Over your underwear.
In the mud! Ill have you released
In my personal care.
Chaplain Youre now my orderly.
Pray, damn it all! ACT TWO SCENE TWO (C)
You blocks of wood, Chaplain Otto Katz and Lieutenant Henry
You senseless clods, Lukash are playing poker.
Dont scratch your backs,
Dont look for fleas, 9 Chaplain
Get busy seeking God! (Throws cards down)
(Schweik sobs and wipes his eyes with his fists. Why bless my soul, you dog, youve won again!
Around him, the others show signs of gleeful
appreciation. The Chaplain comes down from his Lt. Lukash
pulpit and fixes Schweik with a distrustful eye.) Come on, once more. Lets play another roun.
Chaplain Chaplain
Ive been the chaplain here
29
 With what, Lieutenant Lukash? Im wiped out! Schweik
I havent got a crown! Beg to report, sir,
The usual way,
Lt. Lukash Nothing extraordinary,
One turn of card, Except the cat
The highest card for anything youve got, Ate up the canary.
Ill play you for your shirt, your shoes, your
pants, Lt. Lukash
Your crucifix! How did that happen?!

Chaplain Schweik
All right, Ill stake my man, Oh, I opened the cage
My Schweik against To acquaint them together,
a hundred crown advance The cat gobbled her up
To the last tail feather
Lt. Lukash
Come on! Lt. Lukash
(Draws his card) What!
The King of Hearts!
Schweik
Chaplain I was just as mad as you are,
(Draws his card) So I gave him a whack
My God! The Deuce of Spades! And chased him out
(Calls) And he hasnt come back
Schweik! Lt. Lukash
(Schweik enters) Schweik! I I
Forgive me, Schweik, you now belong to him!
Schweik
ACT TWO SCENE THREE I know how you feel, sir,
Lt. Lukashs flat towards evening. An empty I can tell by your face,
bird cage. An empty cats eating bowl. Sch- But I picked up a dog
weik is casually tidying up. Lt. Lukash enters. To take his place
(Schweik opens the door to the kitchen and a
bk Lt. Lukash huge dog bounds out in a very friendly spirit. He
Well, Schweik, leaps at Lukash trying to lick his face, barking
Howd things go today? and bounding around playfully.)

30
Dog Schweik
Arf, arf, arf! In your bedroom sleeping,
She left this note.
Lt. Lukash (Takes note from his pocket and reads)
Schweik! you you Dearest Henry,
Tie the brute up! My husband suspects me . . .

Schweik Lt. Lukash

Hes very, very gentle, sir, Give me that!
Hes only a pup (He grabs it from Schweik and reads to himself)

Lt. Lukash Schweik

Get him out of here! (Continuing from memory)
Oh, Im so unhappy, Henry dear,
Schweik Youve got to let me stay a few days.
Here Max! Max! Your Beloved, Katy . . .
(The dog tries to embrace Schweik and slobbers I figured you didnt
all over him.) Want to get mixed up,
So I sent for her husband
Dog To get things fixed up
Arf, arf, arf! etc.
(Schweik manages to push him into the kitchen Lt. Lukash
and shuts the door.) Schweik, are you an idiot?!

Lt. Lukash Schweik

(Ready to burst) Yes sir,
Schweik! The doctors said
(Katy enters languorously from the bedroom. She
Schweik embraces Lt. Lukash who is not in the mood.
Just one thing more, sir, Schweik stands modestly by, all innocence.)
Happened today,
A young lady moved in Katy
With her baggage to stay Oh, Henry, darling, my sweetest boy,
My love, my life, my dear,
Lt. Lukash
What! Where is she?! Lt. Lukash
But Katy, please
31
 will think Im bad
Katy |Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha . . . .
My only joy |
|Schweik
Lt. Lukash |(Joining in to be polite)
But Kate, you cant stay here |Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha . . . .
Katy |Katy
Now, I dont want another word, |I beg you, darling, I implore
Ill seal your lips like this |
(She kisses him) |Lt. Lukash
|I cant grant what youre pleading for
Lt. Lukash |
But listen, Kate |Schweik
|Since all is fair in love and war
Katy
I havent heard. |Katy
Lets kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss. |Ill die unless you bend
|
Lt. Lukash |Lt. Lukash
You simply cannot stay with me |Im sure your heart will mend
|
Katy |Schweik
A day or two |Heres what I recommend
Lt. Lukash |Katy
Not even an hour |Oh, You dont love me any more
|
Katy |Lt. Lukash
You silly lad |My dear, Ill see you to the door
|
Lt. Lukash |Schweik
Youve got to hear my out |Shell hop when Max starts to roar
Katy |Katy
I know whats troubling you, |Farewell, this is the end
Youre just afraid your man |
32
 |Lt. Lukash
|Ive no more time to spend Lt. Lukash
| (Dumbfounded)
|Schweik Oh no sir!
|A dog is a mans best friend
Col. Zillergut
(Schweik opens the door to the kitchen. The dog A stolen dog, I say,
leaps out barking and gleefully bounding around. How could you harbor a stolen dog,
Katy runs from it screeching, scared out of her My dog, my dog Fox!?
wits.)
Lt. Lukash
Dog I can explain, sir!
Arf, arf, arf! etc.
Col. Zillergut
Schweik You can explain
Now, Max Go get er! A stolen dog,
(To Lt. Lukash) My dog, my dog Fox!?
See! This works better!

(Colonel Kraus von Zillergut suddenly appears at Schweik

the door. Schweik opens it. The Colonel strides in. His name is Max
The door is left open. The dog bounds joyfully to
him. The Colonel pats him.) Lt. Lukash
(Angrily to Schweik)
bl Col. Zillergut Schweik!
Fox! Fox!
Come here, boy, Col. Zillergut
Good boy, Fox! Dont contradict me!
Good, good! (A moment of deathly silence. Mr. Wendler, Katys
I looked for you husband, appears at the open door. He is a mild-
All over the neighborhood! looking man, discreetly polite.)
Good dog!
(Lt. Lukash comes to attention. The Colonel Mr. Wendler
angrily confronts him.) Excuse me. I hope I am not intruding.
My name is Wendler
Col. Zillergut Im calling for my wife.
Lieutenant Lukash, this dog belongs to me!
33
 Katy |
My husband, Mr. Wendler, |Lt. Lukash
Lieutenant Lukash. |I swear!
|
Lt. Lukash |Mr. Wendler
Colonel Kraus von Zillergut, |Your bags, where are your bags?
Mr. Wendler. |
(As the introductions are made, the gentlemen |Katy
click heels and bow stiffly. After the formalities are |I dont care!
over, Colonel Zillergut ignores Mr. Wendler and |
turns his fury upon Lukash.) |Schweik
|Theyre in the bedroom.
Col. Zillergut |
Lieutenant Lukash! |Dog
bm |Its conduct unbecoming an officer |Arf! Arf!
|to steal his Colonels dog!
| |Col. Zillergut
|Lt. Lukash |Your regimental loyalty, integrity, espirit de
|But sir! But Sir! I did not steal your dog! corps!
| |
|Mr. Wendler |Lt. Lukash
|Katy are you coming? Dont make a scene. |I dont know how he came to me!
|Lets be genteel. |
| |Mr. Wendler
|Katy |She ran away from me three times before!
|My head is drumming. I feel so sad. |
| |Katy
|Schweik |Why dont you let me be!
|Things will soon be humming! |
|(To dog) |Schweik
|Down! Heel, Max! |This will be fun to see! It sounds to me like a
| |fife and drum corps!
|Dog |
|Arf! Arf! Arf! |Dog
|Arf!
|Col. Zillergut
|By God! where is your honor, man! |Col. Zillergut
34
|Upon my life! |Who ever would have done a thing such as
| this!
|Lt. Lukash |
|What a life! |Mr. Wendler
| |It always happens in the Spring!
|Mr. Wendler |
|Shes my wife! |Katy
| |Oh My heart is sick!
|Katy |
|Storm and strife! |Schweik
| |To lift his paws and pray.
|Schweik |
|Drum and fife! |Dog
| |Arf! Arf!
|Dog
|Arf! Arf! Arf! |Col. Zillergut
|Stealing a dog from your superior officer
|
|Col. Zillergut |Lt. Lukash
|When you get to the front, young man, |No sir, I never stole your dog!
| |
|Lt. Lukash |Mr. Wendler
|Im not the kind of man |He was a gay young dog,
| |
|Mr. Wendler |Katy
|Last spring it was another man, |Dont act superior!
| |
|Katy |Schweik
|Im sorry this affair began! |Teaching a cat or canary,
|
|Schweik |Col. Zillergut
|I taught one dog a stunt, |Is not like stealing a kiss!
|
|Col. Zillergut |Lt. Lukash
|You wont have time to play a trick such as this! |No sir not like this!
| |
|Lt. Lukash |Mr. Wendler
35
 |A wink, a hug, a kiss. |A cad, he had no honor!
| |
|Katy |Katy
|My head is reeling! |(To Lukash)
| |Youre no gentleman!
|Schweik |
|Is not as easy. |Schweik
| |The cat just pounced upon er
|Dog |
|Arf! Arf! Arf! |Dog
|Arf! Arf!
|Col. Zillergut
|You reprobate, you scoundrel, |Col. Zillergut
|to what extent can villains go! |Who ever would have dared to think a man
| |could sink so vilely low!
|Lt. Lukash |
|If you will wait I will explain! No! |Lt. Lukash
| |I never! never! no, never, no!
|Mr. Wendler |
|A reprobate, scoundrel, a villain Oh! |Mr. Wendler
| |It started with a wink, I think. Oh!
|Katy |
|I hate you! My life is spent in prison Oh! |Katy
| |If you allow my husband to let them think
|Schweik |about me so!
|Our late canary was eaten up by pussy Oh! |
| |Schweik
|Dog |And gobbled her all up in a wink!
|Arf! Arf! Arf! |
|Dog
|Col. Zillergut |Arf!
|My God! where is your honor, man!
| |Col. Zillergut
|Lt. Lukash |As steal my dog! Steal my dog! Steal my dog!
|I swear I didnt do it! |
| |Lt. Lukash
|Mr. Wendler |Stole your dog! Stole you dog! Stole your
36
dog! (Running after the dog)
| Fox! Fox! Achtung! Achtung!
|Mr. Wendler (Lt. Lukash and Schweik are left alone.)
|The dirty dog! Dirty dog! Dirty Dog!
| Lt. Lukash
|Katy Schweik!
|All men are dogs! All men are dogs! Do you know what Off to the front means?
|All men are dogs!
| Schweik
|Schweik Oh, yes sir!
|Cats aint like dogs! Cats aint like dogs! Itll be a great day
|Cats aint like dogs! if you and me
| was to die for the Emperor
|Dog and his family
|Arf! Arf! Arf! Arf! side by side!
(Lt. Lukash collapses into the chair.)
Dog
Arf!
ACT TWO SCENE FOUR
Col. Zillergut
Lieutenant Lukash! Budejovice Express, second class compart-
Tomorrow morning, ment and corridor. At one end is the guards
Youll be on your way, seat. An emergency brake handle extends
Off for the front down from the corridor ceiling. A sign reads
At the break of day! in case of emergency, pull handle down. Lt.
Lukash is seated in the compartment oppo-
Katy site an elderly, stout gentleman, completely
Oh, No! bald, reading a newspaper. Schweik stands
(Katys wailing sets the dog off. He barks crazily modestly just inside the doorway, listening to
and bounds about wildly, leaping for Katy. Katy a storm of abuse from Lt. Lukash.
runs out screaming, followed by her husband,
both of whom are chased by the dog, who in bn Lt. Lukash
turn is followed by the Colonel.) So you let one of our trunks get stolen!
Thats a fine how-do-you-do,
Mr. Wendler You jackass, you!
(To Lt. Lukash as he dashes out)
Ill send for her things in the morning! Schweik
Beg to report, sir,
Col. Zillergut I guess it was took
37
 when I didnt look, ment in a rage.)
by some crook.
Theyre always swiping stuff Bald-headed man
Allow me to introduce myself, sir!
Lt. Lukash Im General von Schwarzburg
Shut up, Schweik! on special inspection duty!
Thats enough! Achtung!
(Lt. Lukash angrily goes back to reading his copy (Lt. Lukash hops up and stands stiffly
of Bohemia. Schweik looks over at the bald- at attention.)
headed gentleman.) Name and regiment!?

Schweik Lt. Lukash

Excuse me, sir, Lieutenant Lukash,
aint you Mr. Purkabeck? Ninety First Regiment,
You look so familiar just transferred
from above the neck . . .
(The bald-headed gentleman ignores the remark Bald-Headed Man
but his newspaper quivers a little.) (Jotting it down)
Believe it or not I dont wonder!
but I once read I see that you allow your orderly
theres seventy thousand hairs to fraternize with you
on a normal mans head . . . you encourage your subordinate
(The newspaper shakes more violently.) to become too familiar
A doctor once wrote you promote the dangrous tendency
that loss of hair of equality
showed mental disturbance thus inculcating revolutionary principles
under there of democracy!
due to confinement. Disgraceful behavior!
(The bald-headed man jumps up in a fury.) Dismissed!
(Lt. Lukash goes out as quickly as he can. He
Bald-headed man finds Schweik seated contentedly by the window.)
Marsch heraus, du Schweinskerl!
(He hustles Schweik outward along the corridor. Lt. Lukash
Lt. Lukash is amused despite himself, enjoying Schweik!
Schweiks discomfiture. Schweik sits down in the (Schweik stands up.)
the guards seat at the end of the corridor. Do you know who
The bald-headed man returns to the compart- that bald-headed gentleman was,
38
you idiot you?! Schweik
General von Schwarzburg! Yes sir.
Idiot! (Schweik salutes. As Lt. Lukash turns away, Sch-
weik brings his hand down from the salute in an
Schweik elaborate arc. His hand gets caught in the emer-
Beg to report, sir, gency brake handle. The train comes to a sudden
from above the neck, stop with a wild shriek, throwing the passengers
hes the spittin image into unexpected postures.)
of Mr. Purabeck,
Sir . . . bo Passengers
What happened?
Lt. Lukash Whats the matter?
Shut up! You imbecile! Whyd the train stop?
Stand at attention! Whats wrong?
Ten paces! Its a wreck!
Its a bomb!
Schweik Were derailed!
Yes sir. Where are we?
(Schweik makes a half-hearted attempt to O-O-O-O-O-0-h!
straighten up, moves back a pace or two, and Oh, my God!
glances through the window.) H-elp!
Beg to report, sir, Were attacked!
well be in Tabor Save me!
in a minute or two. (The head guard and a railway man come run-
Is there anything ning in. Schweik has kept a tight grip on the
I can get for you? handle to keep from falling and is discovered in
A little snack? flagrante delicto.)

Lt. Lukash Head Guard

Now listen, Schweik, There he is!
stay away from me,
do you understand? Railway Man
Dont come near me, He did it!
do you understand?
Keep out of my sight Head Guard
do you understand?! We got you!

39
 Railway Man small cafe in Budejovice. Lt. Lukash is writing
Come on! a letter. A bottle of cognac is on the table.
(They seize Schweik and hustle him out.) He is in a very good mood.

Schweik bp Lt. Lukash

But Im innocent! (Writing)
Im innocent! Dear Madame, even though weve never met,
Im innocent! Last night, I saw you at the play
(The starting whistle sounds and the train begins And couldnt help but notice you disagreed
moving.) With what your husband had to say
about that vulgar show . . .
(Voices from the crowd) (To himself)
I may as well lay it on thick.
One What right has an old baboon like him
What happened? to have a luscious wife like her!
I quite agree with how you felt.
Two It pandered to a mans bestial source
They caught a spy! And though your husband clapped and cheered,
The play he liked was cheap and coarse
Three and dowright low . . .
He was taking photographs Shes got a damn fine figure!
of the railway station! (He takes a drink)
I hope you will pardon me this liberty
Four Of writing you sincerely from my heart,
No, he was following a But since my taste like yours is fine and pure,
Colonels wife! Why cant we meet to share our thoughts on
art?
Five Yours most sincerely, Lieutenant Lukash
He was caught in the ladies lavatory! (Takes another drink as he looks over his
masterpiece)
Schweik Its not enough
(Offstage) Ive got to add a good P.S.
Im innocent! I beg you, Madame, answer soon
To set the day Im longing for!
ACT TWO SCENE FIVE Who knows when Ill be off for the front!
A private room in St. Stephens Cross, a Who knows if Ill survive this war!
Thats why Im pleading so!
40
 I want to take with me and no one else
A sacred memory do you understand?
When I go!
Schweik
bq (A knock at the door) Not even her husband?
Come in!
(Door opens. Schweik stands there, his usual Lt. Lukash
innocent, benign-looking self.) Especially not,
you God damn fool
Schweik or Ill have you shot!
Beg to report, sir, Im back again.
(Lt. Lukash stares at him in disbelief and horror.) Schweik
Beg to report, sir,
Lt. Lukash Now evrythings clear,
No! No! No! Ill get it all fixed up fine
Good God! Lt. Lukash
(Lt. Lukashs spirit and body seem to collapse.) Get out of here!
How did you manage to get here?! (Schweik goes out.)
Schweik ACT TWO SCENE SIX
Beg to report, sir,
I walked in circles The sign reads Soprony Street. At one end
from the time it began of the street is the door to a house marked
with the lost trunk 16. At the other end is the entrance to a
and the bald-headed man tavern, The red lamb. Schweik enters look-
They pushed me around ing for house numbers and holding the letter
and all that stuff in his hand with ostentatious care. Voditchka,
(Lt. Lukash resignedly comes to grips with another Czech soldier, enters from the other
himself.) direction. They stop, stare and rush into each
others arms, clapping one another heartily
Lt. Lukash on the back.
All right, Schweik,
thats quite enough! br Voditchka
Now that youre here Schweik!
get the lead out of your feet,
Take this letter Schweik
to 16 Soprony Street. Voditchka!
Give it to Madame Kakonyi
directly by hand, Voditchka
My old pal! 41
 Schweik free land,
How happy I am to see you again! Well eat potatoes from dishes of gold
And well be as happy as kings.
Voditchka Well all get our share when pigs get wings.
Lets celebrate!
bt POLKA
Schweik After the drinking song, Schweik and
No, Ive got to deliver this letter. Voditchka join the tavern patrons in a
polka. Suddenly, Schweik remembers the
Voditchka
letter. The pals leave the tavern somewhat
Do it later.
unsteadily, their arms around one anoth-
Schweik ers shoulders, Schweik holds the letter
No, its very important. with conspicuous concentration as they
stagger toward the house marked 16.
Voditchka
Why? ck Schweik
Schweik Sixteen Soprony, Madame Kakonyi
Thats a secret. Its from my Lieutenant Lukash
to a lady, Madam Kakonyi. Voditchka
(He nudges Voditchka) Madame Kakonyi, Sixteen Soprony
Shes got a husband.
Both
Voditchka Sixteen Soprony, Madame Kakonyi . . .
Well deliver it together later. Now, come on, (They reach the house. Schweik rings the bell
lets celebrate. insistently. Voditchka knocks loudly, Mr. Kakonyi,
(He takes the all too willing Schweik by the arm a very proper looking older gentleman, excitedly
and they enter the tavern.) appears and opens the door.)

bs Tavern Patrons Mr. Kakonyi

Fill up and drink up and fill up again What in Heavens name is the matter? What do
And look through the glass in your hand, you want?
Oh what things youll see when youre in care-
free land, Schweik
Money will grow on the trees evrywhere Ive got a letter for Madame Kakonyi.
And sausage and big diamond rings. (Waves the letter)
Well all get our share when pigs get wings.
Oh what things youll see when youre in care- Mr. Kakonyi
42 Let me have it.
 continues on.)
Schweik
Nope. Its for Madame Kakonyi, not for you! ACT TWO SCENE SEVEN (A)
A dugout at the front. Makeshift table and
Voditchka chairs made out of boxes. Maps on table.
Not for you! Field telephone.
Mr. Kakonyi cl Lt. Lukash
Oh, is that so! Well, Schweik,
(Mr. Kakonyi grabs the letter from Schweiks Theres no sense not talking to you.
hand. Schweik snatches it back. Mr. Kakonyi Were at the front now
seizes it again. He opens the letter and glances so we may as well let bygones be bygones.
through it.)
Schweik
Mr. Kakonyi Yes sir.
(In the midst of reading)
The scoundrel! The villain! Lt. Lukash
(Madame Kakonyi suddenly appears, frightened Ill admit Im glad
and distraught.) you got rid of that letter.
It might have caused me
Madame Kakonyi embarrassment and worse
What is it! What is it! What is going on? what with the riot and all.
What did you do with it?
Mr. Kakonyi
What is his name? Ill kill him! Schweik
(Mrs. Kakonyi screams. Schweik grabs the letter I swallowed it.
back. People run out of the tavern and from other
streets to the scene of the incident. Mr. Kakonyi Lt. Lukash
is trying to get at the letter, which Schweik is Swallowed the letter?
brandishing above his head.)
Schweik
Mr. Kakonyi Yes sir,
The letter, the letter! its the least I could do for you.
Get the letter away from him. Ive swallowed so much
(An all-out tussle for possession of the letter in the Army anyway.
ensues. Schweik puts the letter in his mouth and
furiously chews and swallows it as the brawl
43
 Lt. Lukash Vanek
Schweik, youre a strange fellow. Yes sir.
If the war lasts long enough
and if we both live long enough, Lt. Lukash
I might even get to like you . . . You and Schweik
if only you werent such an idiot. take a look at the map.
Heres how you go
Schweik straight ahead
Ill say the same for you, sir, and then turn right.
(Lt. Lukash looks at him with fire in his eye.) (To Schweik)
I mean Understand?
if only you werent an officer
and a gentleman . . . Schweik
Oh, yes sir.
Lt. Lukash Lt. Lukash
I understand perfectly. Front line patrol
is no tea party, Schweik,
Schweik so look sharp.
Well, anyway, Good luck.
were countrymen (Vanek and Schweik start to go out.)
and beg to report, sir,
being as how we see eye to eye Schweik
about this war, Good luck to you, sir.
Id like to tell you how we can . . . (Turns)
Youll need it.
Lt. Lukash
No! ACT TWO SCENE SEVEN (B)
Thats enough, A scene of stark devastation. Jagged stumps
youve had your say, of trees jut from the ground. One or two
now lets get on black skeletons of trees are silhouetted
with the order of the day. against the menacing sky. The stench of
decay from shallow burial pits is almost
Lt. Lukash palpable. It is a wilderness of death and
(Calling) destruction. A group of wounded soldiers
Vanek! wander in. They gradually collapse one by
(Vanek, a Sergeant, enters.) one as they sing.

44
cm Soldiers (in various groups) |men with the empty
Wait for the ragged soldiers, |men who are angry
watch for the ragged |men,
men with their sunken faces
holding their blood-red |coatsleeves armless, legless, sightless
wounds with their hands. |angry, angry
No sound of drums when they come, |angry men, angry men
no trumpets blow when they come,
no flags at the |No sound of drums when they come,
|No!
|gate.
|Wait for the ragged soldiers no trumpets blow when they come,
|Wait. . . wait and no flags at the gate.
Wait for the ragged soldiers,
|watch for the ragged watch for the ragged
|watch for the tired men with their sunken faces
holding their blood-red
|men marching slowly homeward wounds with their hands.
|men . . . homeward (The wounded soldiers lie motionless, strewn
across the stage. Schweik and Vanek, carrying
|broken and weary army of guns, appear.)
|bound weary army of
cn Vanek
|men. Now we go to the right.
|men with no banners only their silent Schweik
No, to the left.
|hate.
|Wait for the army bearing anger Vanek
Lieutenant Lukash said straight ahead and then
|Wait for the ragged soldiers right. You can see from the map that weve got
|Wait for the ragged to go to the right like I said.
|Wait . . . ragged
Schweik
|watch for the ragged Maps are sometimes wrong.
|army of soldiers Vanek
|men, angry men Youre crazy, Schweik.
45
 Schweik The kind of fellow that fellow men like.
Well, if you wont take my word for it, Sergeant, In one place or other hes sure to be found.
and youre so cocksure youre right, I wouldnt be surprised if hes somewhere
well, well just have to part. around.
Vanek
Okay. I got no more time to waste on you. Libretto Copyright 1956 by G. Schirmer, Inc. and
(Goes off) Music Sales Corporation. International Copyright
Secured. All Rights Reserved. Used by permission.
Schweik
(Calling out after him) Some stage directions from the original libretto have
If you get into any trouble been omitted. Other directions and a few words have
just fire your rifle in the air been altered to reflect the circumstances of the Chi-
cago Opera Theaters March 2001 production and
so Ill know where you are . . . what is heard on this recording.
(He watches the disappearing Vanek for a
moment and waves to him, then turns away.)

co Schweik
Ill take a quiet road where forget-me-nots grow,
Along a clear stream where soft breezes blow.
Ill take it easy for the rest of the day
And pick some meadow flowers on the way.
Ill take a quiet road and Ill lie in the sun,
For birds and butterflies, I wont need my gun.
(Schweik takes the wrong road leaving his gun
behind.)

EPILOGUE
The Gentleman of Bohemia appears again.

cp Gentleman of Bohemia
Schweik, Schweik, where did he go?
He just disappeared and thats all we know.
Some say they saw him at a much later day,
Sipping a drink at a little caf.
And others will swear he was seen on the street
And lost in the crowd before they could meet.
Schweik, Schweik, The Good Soldier Schweik,
46
A B O U T C H I C A G O O P E R A T H E A T E R

Since its inception in 1974, Chicago Opera Theater (COT) has staged 23 American operas, given
30 Chicago professional premieres, employed thousands of Midwestern performers, and reached an
audience of many thousands through its main-stage performances, regional tours, outreach programs,
and telecasts on PBS.
American operas have been a key component in the Companys success, from The Mother of Us All
in 1976 through Shining Brow in 1997 to Akhnaten in 2000 and The Good Soldier Schweik in 1981
and 2001. Chicago Opera Theater is also committed to bringing operatic premieres to Chicago, intro-
ducing works such as Monteverdis Orfeo, Menottis The Consul, Floyds Susannah, and many others.
COT has helped launch the opera careers of noted singers and directors such as Robert Orth, Nancy
Gustafson, Richard Leech, Mary Zimmerman, and Frank Galati, who now work with opera and theater
companies around the world.
The mission of Chicago Opera Theater is to advance opera as a vital, living art form, to develop
young artists, and to expand the scope and diversity of the audience for opera. COT fulfills this mis-
sion through affordable tickets, unique repertoire, performances in intimate venues, and in-depth arts
education and outreach programs.
In 1999, Chicago Opera Theater underwent a major internal
reorganization, resulting in the appointment of Brian Dickie
(pictured on right) as General Director. Mr. Dickie comes to
Chicago Opera Theater with more than thirty years of experi-
ence in the opera field, including five years as General Director
of the Canadian Opera Company and seven years as General

Photo: Bob Fila (Courtesy of The Chicago Tribune)

Director of the world-renowned Glyndebourne Festival Opera
in England. He is leading COT to its first-ever permanent home
as the lead tenant in the 1,500-seat Chicago Music and Dance
Theatre, set to open in Chicagos Millennium Park in late 2003.
Chicago Opera Theater has previously recorded Gian Carlo
Menottis The Medium for Cedille Records with a cast featuring
mezzo-soprano Joyce Castle and soprano Patrice Michaels, with
Lawrence Rapchak conducting.

47
 ROBERT KURKA was born in Cicero, Illinois on December 22,
1921, and died in New York City on December 12, 1957. After
studying violin with Kathleen Parlow and Hans Letz, he attended
Columbia University, receiving his M.A. degree in 1948. Although
largely self-taught, he studied composition breifly with Otto Luen-
ing and Darius Milhaud. From 1948 to 1951, he taught at the City
College of New York and later at Queens College and Dartmouth
University. He received commissions from the Little Orchestra
Society, The Paderewski Fund for American Composers, and the
San Diego Symphony Orchestra. He was co-winner of the George
Gershwin Memorial Award in 1950 and received a grant from the
National Institute of Arts and Letters in 1952. In 1951, he won a
Guggenheim Fellowhip, which was renewed the following year.
Just months before his untimely death, Brandeis University pre-
sented him with its first Creative Arts Award to a composer on
the threshold of a promising career. Kurka completed The Good
Soldier Schweik shortly before he died. The opera was given its
premiere by the New York City Opera on April 23, 1958, at City
Center.

One of Americas most accomplished young conductors, ALEX-

ANDER PLATT recently became Resident Conductor and Music
Advisor to Chicago Opera Theater. Mr. Platt is currently the Music
Director of the Marion Philharmonic in Indiana, and the Racine
Symphony and Waukesha Symphony Orchestra in Wisconsin. He
has also conducted the Houston Symphony Orchestra, Minne-
sota Orchestra, Minnesota Opera, Saint Paul Chamber Orchestra,
Wisconsin Chamber Orchestra, Skylight Opera Theatre, the Brit-
ten-Pears Ensemble in London, the City of London Sinfonia, and
the Alberg Symphony in Denmark. Mr. Platt has received awards
from the National Endowment for the Humanities, Yale University
(where he founded his own orchestra during the course of his
undergraduate studies) and a Marshall Scholarship to Kings Col-
lege, Cambridge.

48
 JASON COLLINS (Schweik) made his Chicago Opera Theater
debut in the title role of The Good Soldier Schweik. A native South
Carolinian, Mr. Collins holds a bachelors degree from the Juilliard
School and is currently a member of the Curtis Institute of Music
Opera Theater Program. At Curtis, he recently performed the
roles of Nerone (Lincoronazione di Poppea) and Anatol (Vanes-
sa). Other operatic credits include Tamino (Die Zauberflte), John
Adams (The Mother of Us All), and Sam Kaplan (Street Scene)
with The Juilliard Opera Center; the Aspen Opera Theaters
production of A Midsummer Nights Dream; and Eastman Opera
Theaters production of Dialogues of the Carmelites. Mr. Collins
has also appeared as tenor soloist in Mozarts Requiem, Rossinis
Stabat Mater, and Schuberts Mass in G. Recent awards include
the Alice Tully and Tatiana Troyanos scholarships and first prize
in the 2000 Mario Lanza Competition.

MARC EMBREE (Army Doctor/Lt. Lukash), a singing actor equal-

ly at home in opera, oratorio, and musical theater, has performed
with leading opera companies and orchestras throughout the
world, including the New York City Opera, Chattanooga Opera,
DaCapo Opera, and venues in Germany and Mexico. Recent per-
formances include Carlos Chavez The Visitors, Marc Blitzsteins
Regina, Mahlers Symphony No. 8, and Bergs Wozzeck. A cham-
pion of contemporary opera, Embree created the role of William
Emmons in the world premiere of The Village Singer by Stephen
Paulus and was selected by Thomas Pasatieri for the New York
premiere of his work, Washington Square.

49
 KELLI HARRINGTON (Mrs. Muller/Katy) is a native of Downers
Grove, Illinois. She received both her Bachelors and Masters
Degrees in Voice from Northwestern University. Among the roles
she performed there were Pamina (The Magic Flute), Mimi (La
Bohme), and Antonia (Les Contes dHoffman). After receiving a
Professional Studies Certificate from the Manhattan School of
Music, she returned to the Chicago area to sing with the Flo-
rentine Opera, Light Opera Works, and Chicago Opera Theater.
The March 2001 production of Schweik marked Ms. Harringtons
third appearance with Chicago Opera Theater; she had previously
performed featured roles in The Face on the Barroom Floor and
There is a Garden.

BUFFY BAGGOTT (Baroness von Botzenheim) is an alumnus of

the Lyric Opera Center for American Artists. Her roles with Lyric
Opera of Chicago have included Kate Pinkerton (Madame Butter-
fly), the Flower Maiden (Parsifal), Dryade (Ariadne auf Naxos), and
the title role in Carmen. Ms. Baggott has also performed with the
Santa Fe Opera, Canadian Opera Company, Los Angeles Opera,
and Nevada Opera, as well as the Chicago Symphony Orchestra,
Ravinia Festival, and the Grant Park Music Festival. Recently
engagements have included Carmen for both the Spokane and
Festival Opera Companies, Tisbe (La Cenerentola) with the Los
Angeles Opera tour in Hong Kong, and Mrs. Noah in the Chicago
Opera Theater production of Noyes Fludde.

50
 Born and raised in Germany, TIMOTHY SHARP (Palivec) made
his American operatic debut in COTs 2001 production of
Schweik. He studied voice with his mother, Norma Sharp, and
interpretation with Hans Hotter, Brigitte Fassbaender, and Peter
Schreier. He has performed in operas, oratorios, and solo recitals
throughout Europe. Mr. Sharps repertoire includes the title role
in Don Giovanni, Figaro (Barber of Seville), Papageno (Die Zauber-
flote), Mercutio (I Capuletti e Montecchi), Marquis de la Force (Die
Fledermaus), and concert works by German composers such as
Bach, Haydn, and Brahms.

MARK CALVERT (Chaplain/1st Psychiatrist) is a recent alumnus

of the Pittsburgh Opera Center where he performed the roles of
Lindoro (LItaliana in Algeri), Ernesto (Don Pasquale), Ferrando
(Cos fan tutte), and Tom Rakewell (The Rakes Progress). He
appeared on the mainstage of Pittsburgh Opera in productions of
La Traviata, Werther, Le nozze de Figaro, and Tosca. A graduate
of the Yale Opera Program, Mr. Calvert has performed with com-
panies across the country including the Santa Fe Opera, Opera
Theatre of St. Louis, and the Lyric Opera Center for American Art-
ists. He has also appeared in concert with ensembles including
the Hartford Symphony Orchestra, Seattle Philharmonic Orches-
tra, Yale Symphony Orchestra, and Greenwich Choral Society.

51
 WAYNE ALAN BEHR (Bretschneider/1st Malingerer) made his
operatic debut with the Goldovsky Opera Theatre on tour as
Count Almaviva, Don Ottavio, Pinkerton, Rodolfo, and Alfredo. As
a San Francisco Opera Young Artist, Mr. Behr performed the role
of Hoffman (Tales of Hoffman) with Merola Opera, and toured the
U.S. as Pinkerton (Madama Butterfly) with San Francisco Opera
Centers Western Opera Theatre. In addition, he has sung leading
roles with Lake George Opera, Chautauqua Opera, Baton Rouge
Opera, Ohio Light Opera, New York Lyric Opera, and the Natchez
Opera Festival. Mr. Behr holds BM and MA degrees in education
and performance from Westminster Choir College and New York
University.

A native of Pittsburgh, ROBERT M. BOLDIN (1st Doctor/2nd

Malingerer/Dog) received his BFA from Carnegie Mellon Univer-
sity in 1999 and completed his Master of Music degree at North-
western University in 2001. He was featured as a young artist
with the Chautauqua Opera Company and the Ashlawn Highlands
Summer Music Festival. While at Northwestern, he appeared as
Ezekiel Cheever (The Crucible) and Gobin (La Rondine) and per-
formed the role of Franceso in the Light Opera Works produc-
tion of Gondoliers. Other operatic credits include Lincoranazione
di Poppea, Dido and Aeneas, and Chicago Opera Theaters recent
production of Philip Glasss Akhnaten.

52
 A Chicago Opera Theater Young Artist, STEPHEN NOON (Mr.
Wendler) has performed in numerous company productions. He
holds Bachelors and Masters Degrees in Voice from Northwest-
ern University. Past operatic roles include: Prunier (La Rondine),
Rinuccio (Gianni Schicchi), Arnalta (Lincoronazione di Poppea),
Giles Corey (The Crucible), Liveretto (Lucrezia Borgia), and Gas-
tone (La Traviata). He performed in the Baroque vocal program
at the 2000 Pacific Music Festival in Sapporo, Japan. His concert
work has included J.S. Bachs Magnificat and St. John Passion,
Haydns Lord Nelson Mass, Handels Messiah and Alexanders
Feast, and Mozarts Requiem.

AARON JUDISCH (2nd Psychiatrist/2nd Doctor) completed his

graduate studies at Northwestern University, where he portrayed
Bob (The Old Maid and the Thief), Thomas Putnam (The Crucible),
and Marco (Gianni Schicchi). Other roles in his repertoire include
Belcore (The Elixir of Love), and Dr. Falke (Die Fledermaus). In
2001, Mr. Judisch joined the Studio Artists Program at the Cen-
tral City Opera in Colorado, as well as the Young Artist program
with Chicago Opera Theater. He previously appeared in COTs
production of Akhnaten.

53
 CHRISTIAN ELSER (General von Schwarzburg) has performed
with many regional companies and orchestras, including the
DuPage Opera Theatre, Milwaukee Opera Theatre, Da Corneto
Opera, LOpera Piccola of Chicago, Southwest Symphony, and
The Chicago City Symphony. His featured roles include Posa (Don
Carlo), Germont (La Traviata), Zurga (Les Pecheurs de Perles), and
Belcore (LElisir dAmore). Mr. Elser has also been heard as a solo-
ist on Chicagos Live from Studio One series (WMFT 98.7 FM),
and with the Lyric Opera of Chicago chorus. The March 2001
production of Schweik marked his second appearance with Chi-
cago Opera Theater.

A native of Mexico City, ALVARO RAMIREZ (Police Officer/Colo-

nel von Zillergut) is an alumnus of the Alan Stone Debut Artist
Series (1997-98) and the Glimmerglass Young Artist Program
(1999). Recently, Mr. Ramirez appeared in the role of Raimondo
(Lucia di Lammermoor) with the Skylight Opera Theatre in Mil-
waukee, Pagano (I Lombardi) with da Corneto Opera, and Mustafa
(LItaliana in Algeri) for Pamiro Opera in Green Bay, Wisconsin. He
made his Chicago Opera Theater debut in 2000 in the double bill
of Puccinis Gianni Schicchi and Michael Chings Buosos Ghost.

54
 Composer
ROBERT
KURKA
surrounded
by Josef Ladas
cartoons for
Jaroslav Haseks
The Good
Soldier
Schweik,
December
1955

Photo: Gordon Parks/TimePix, December 1955

Cedille Records is a trademark of The Chicago Classical Recording Foundation, a not-for-profit foundation devoted to promoting
the finest musicians and ensembles in the Chicago area. The Chicago Classical Recording Foundations activities are supported
in part by contributions and grants from individuals, foundations, corporations, and government agencies including the WPWR-TV
Channel 50 Foundation, the Chicago Department of Cultural Affairs (CityArts III Grant), and the Illinois Arts Council, a state agency.
W O R L D P R E M I E R E R E C O R D I N G

Robert Kurka (1921-1957)

THE GOOD SOLDIER SCHWEIK

Schweik ..... Jason Collins
Lt. Lukash/ Army Doctor/ Gentleman of Bohemia.............................................................Marc Embree
Mrs. Muller/ Katy/ Ensemble Soprano.............................................................................Kelli Harrington
Baroness von Botzenheim/ Madame Kakonyi/ Ensemble Mezzo ................................... Buffy Baggott
Palivec/ Voditchka/ Ensemble Baritone ............................................................................ Timothy Sharp
1st Psychiatrist/ Chaplain/ Ensemble Tenor ........................................................................Mark Calvert
Bretschneider/ Vanek/ 1st Malingerer/ Ensemble Tenor ............................................Wayne Alan Behr
1st Doctor/ 2nd Malingerer/ Dog/ Ensemble Tenor .........................................................Robert Boldin
Mr. Wendler/ Guard/ Sergeant/ Mr. Kakonyi/ Ensemble Tenor ......................................Stephen Noon
2nd Psychiatrist/ 2nd Doctor/ Ensemble Baritone............................................................Aaron Judisch
General von Schwarzburg/ 3rd Malingerer/ Ensemble Baritone....................................Christian Elser
Police Officer/ 3rd Psychiatrist/ 4th Malingerer/
Colonel von Zillergut/ Ensemble Bass ............................................................................. Alvaro Ramirez

CHICAGO OPERA THEATER

Alexander Platt, conductor
Mary Stolper flute, Jennifer Binney piccolo, Debra Freedland oboe, Joseph Claude
English horn, Gene Collerd clarinet, Kathryn Pirtle bass clarinet, Amy Rhodes bassoon,
Rober t Broemel contrabassoon, Greg Flint/ Angela DeBoers/ Melanie Cottle horn,
Ross Beacraft/ Matt Lee trumpet, Michael Folker timpani, Bruce Carver percussion

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