Blaming by Naming

Op-Ed
Reprinted from SOCIAL WORK Volume 37, Number 1 January 1992 Issue 1
Blaming by Naming: Battered Women and

the Epidemic of Codependence
Phyllis B. Frank and Gail Kadison Golden
Codependency is a popular term for describing Any label that includes more than half the
an expanding population of individuals. This population raises serious clinical questions. An
concept, originally identified by drug and alcohol immediate concern is applying the concept of
counselors, was formulated to describe those codependency to battered women. Calling a
individuals who make relationships with substance woman who is living with a batterer a codependent
abusers, enable them, and fail to leave them even is tantamount to victimizing her again. The prefix
after it becomes clear that the relationship is a co implies shared responsibility for the behavior
damaging one (Rockland County Department of of another, as in coconspirator, coauthor, and so
Mental Health, Alcohol and Substance Abuse forth. Codependency implies shared responsibility
Services, 1989-1990). It appears as if the partners for the abuse, which directly opposes an important
of the substance abusers have a peculiar addiction; segment of the work with battered women -
that is, they are addicted to a person who has an clarifying that women are not responsible for the
addiction. The codependent analysis indicates that violent behavior of their abusers (Frank &
these people seem to need to be with someone (an Houghton, 1987).
abuser) who does not function in a healthy way One can readily see how the codependent label
and cannot or does not meet the codependent might be used to diagnose or explain the situation
persons needs. of a woman who is being abused and does not
The problems of codependent individuals are leave her partner. The implication here is that if a
defined as clearly rooted in deficits of early woman were healthy, she would not be coupled
nurturing, such as abusive or neglectful parenting with an abuser. Codependency suggests that her
(Rockland County, 1989-1990). For example, staying is caused by some early deficit, first in her
codependent behavior seems to be found among environment and then, as a result, in herself. It
many adult children of alcoholics. intimates that a woman finds or even seeks out a
From the original notion that people who violent partner whom she may continue to try to
marry and remain with substance abusers have please, change, and protect, and whom she may not
their own illness, the concept of codependency is leave.
beginning to enlarge (Rockland County, 1989- Research on battered women makes it clear
1990). It is now an ever-widening theory that is that any woman-whether she had alcoholic or non-
commonly used to describe anyone who is coupled drug-abusive parents, is privileged or
with an abusive partner. The current definition of impoverished, has or lacks self-esteem - can find
codependency reads: a pattern of painful herself with an abuser. Having a good childhood
dependency on compulsive behavior and approval is not an insurance policy against coupling with an
seeking in order to gain safety, identity and self- abuser (Schulman, 1979).
worth (Rockland County, 1989-1990). This Most men who assault their partners know that
includes all who are coupled with anyone who is they can, and they have done so, often for years,
viewed as an addict or as compulsive. Then does it with complete immunity. Most men who abuse
also include any person in a marriage that is less their partners believe that it is justifiable and
than adequate? Are all who stay in these appropriate. Women brought up in the same
inadequate marriages, where their needs are not atmosphere share these beliefs.
met, codependent? Societally and culturally, mens abuse of
CCC Code: 0037-8046/92 National Association of Social Workers

women has been condoned and sanctioned. As history. They are, however, as all women, living in
such, men abuse their patriarchal power in order to an oppressive and violent society that consistently
control what they believe to be theirs. Because the gives messages that a womans physical and
structure of our history has supported the concept emotional well-being are insignificant. (Pence,
of male entitlement vis a vis wives, all women 1985).
have been and continue to remain at risk of Consider a battered woman who is doing more
coupling with an abuser, even those who are care giving than her partner, is providing most of
"healthy" who do not have deficient early her familys physical and emotional nurture, and is
nurturing. receiving little for herself. Are we looking at a
Many complex variables may determine codependent woman or are we looking at a woman
whether an abused woman will leave her partner. socialized to disregard her own well being, to care
These include, but are not limited to, the legal for others, and to assume responsibility for the
response to this crime within her community, the behavior of a partner. Are we now calling the
number and ages of her children, economic factors, results of traditional female training, including
availability of shelter and community support, getting ones identity from ones husband, with
willingness of family and friends to help, and her which society has persecuted women for
employability (Frank & Houghton, 1987). The generations, an illness in the woman? A term such
extent of the danger to the woman and to her as codependent obscures the reality of the situation
children is another factor. More battered women that we often are dealing with: a system of
are killed when they leave their abusive mates than oppression for which the woman is not responsible
when they stay (U.S. Department of Justice, 1983). but to which she is struggling to find a response.
As to self-esteem and psychological background, Terms like posttraumatic stress disorder are
current research indicates that all aspects of both more illuminating and accurate in that they do not
categories are represented in the battered and burden an already suffering human being with a
nonbattered populations of women (University of slightly masochistic diagnosis suggesting
the State of New York, State Education complicity in ones own misery. The term incest
Department, 1982). An additional factor indicates survivor acknowledges a syndrome of trauma and
that self-esteem is destroyed by battering, not a pain, while also recognizing the persons strength
cause of it (Pence, 1985). and drive toward health. It also locates the
Our sense of value certainly depends on how responsibility for the suffering squarely outside of
well we were loved and nurtured in childhood. the individual.
That sense of value, however, equally depends on Social workers must be careful, when they feel
the situation we find ourselves in and the messages they have happened upon a term that is descriptive
our culture delivers about our worth. Certainly, of a problem, not to begin using the term in a
battered women come to a relationship with a manner that may compound the problem.
References
Frank, P. B., & Houghton, B. D. (1987). Confronting the batterer: A guide to creating the spouse abuse educational
workshop. New York: Volunteer Counseling Service.
Pence, E. (1985). Criminal justice response to domestic assault cases: A guide for policy development. Duluth, MN:
Domestic Abuse Intervention Program.
Rockland County Department of Mental Health, Alcohol and Substance Abuse Services. (1989-1990). Volunteer
Counseling Service training seminars, New York.
Schulman, M.A. (1979). A survey of spousal violence against women in Kentucky. Washington, D.C.: U.S. Government
Printing Office.
University of the State of New York, State Education Department. (1982). Addressing domestic violence: A guide for
school personnel. Albany, NY: Author.
U.S. Department of Justice. (1983). Report to the nation on crime and justice: The data. Washington, D.C.: US.
Government Printing Office.
Phyllis B. Frank, MA, is Director, VCS Community Change Project and Assistant Executive Director, Volunteer
Counseling Service of Rockland County, Inc.
Gail Kadison Golden, EdD, MSW, is Clinical Director, Volunteer Counseling Service of Rockland County, Inc., 77
South Main Street, New City, NY 10956. Accepted October 17, 1990

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Op-Ed

Blaming by Naming: Battered Women and

CCC Code: 0037-8046/92 National Association of Social Workers

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