The Last Bencher

Copyright 2011
Kanwaljeet Singh
Sapeksha Vemulapati
Surbhi Maheshwari
Self publishing

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. This book contains material protected under

International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized
reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of this book may be
reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or
mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information
storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the
above mentioned.

II
 The Team
Editor-in-Chief
Surbhi Maheshwari

Concept and Execution

Kanwaljeet Singh
Sapeksha Virinchi Vemulapati

Editors
Basil James
Trinath Gaduparthi

Correspondents
Darsana Vijay
Prateek Barapatre
Sabah Farheen
Sohini Sarkar

Designers
Aluka Abhinav Ram

III
IV
 Foreword
"But what can a decent man speak of with most pleasure? Of himself.
Well, so I will talk about myself." - Fyodor Dostoevsky
IIT Madras, or Insti as it is affectionately known inside the
campus, is a warehouse of fond memories and gripping anecdotes.
Every year, Insti welcomes into its lush green campus a couple of
thousand students scattered across different departments. Each of them
proceeds to carve out his/her niche in Insti and engrave his/her
presence in the annals of Insti folklore with interesting and riveting
tales. These stories deserve to be told to a much larger audience or at
least to be preserved for the posterity to read and enjoy. The Insti bursts
at its seams with stories waiting to be told; the stories that take a
hacksaw and cuts up its Iyer and Iyengar Institute image into six.
The Last Bencher is a venture to collect the best stories and
writings from the batch of 2011 and bring it out in a consolidated
format of a book. A wide range of people from all parts of the country,
of different viewpoints and of different habits have contributed to this
book, making it a truly pan-Insti publication. Opinions, articles about
events and happenings inside IIT Madras, eye-ball grabbing anecdotes,
all found their place in this book.
Nicknames have always been a critical part of Insti culture. In
an institute housing a few thousand people, catchy nicknames based on
personal quirks or special incidents in life can be very handy.
Nicknames that just roll off ones tongue become famous, so much so
that real names are often forgotten in the cobwebs of memory. This
culture of nicknames has naturally got its due in The Last Bencher.
A few professors have contributed to this nascent endeavour,
providing a wholly different perspective. A wardens account of his

V
tenure in charge of a hostel and a professors ruminations on the times
in which he first came to IIT Madras and how it is different today are a
couple of examples. In this book, they prove that they can be cool in
their own way, providing crucial insights on various aspects of life in
IIT Madras.
The Book of memories, as it is fondly referred to by us, is
exclusively a student venture. The idea for such a book was mooted by
us, a few final year students of the institute. We set about, with vigour
and zeal, to assemble a team who could successfully pull off the task of
going about Insti and collecting stories and articles from various final
year students. The team was divided into correspondents, editors and
designers. Over a period of three months, our team went around IIT
Madras on the lookout for interesting and attention grabbing pieces.
People were met, cajoled into writing or at least persuaded to narrate
their stories to correspondents. It was not easy to force final year
students to go down the memory lane and hunt for interesting stories
that were good (and clean) enough to be put in the book. Getting a
good number of final years to set aside time for this purpose seemed, at
first, impossible, then improbable and as time progressed, bordering on
the inevitable. Finally, it was done.
The Last Bencher was certainly a herculean task. A lot of effort
was put in to make this book a reality. As backs are slapped, high fives
exchanged and the champagne uncorked, gratitude has to be expressed
and the vital assistance of many to be acknowledged. Thanking each
and every person who has contributed to this book may be an Aegean
stable of its own and therefore we would like to keep it short. The very
content of this book has been provided by many final year students in
Insti and it is to them that we would like to extend bouquets of thanks
for making sure that this book provides for an entertaining read.

VI
 Message from the Alumni Affairs Council, 2010-2011
The Student Alumni Affairs Council is a new entity this year,
at IIT Madras and we are proud to have come this far since its
inception. Over the past academic year, we had provided an effective
bridge between the alumni and students with a series of events like
Connect-2010, Mock Interviews, Special Mentoring Lectures and Workshop on
Entrepreneurship.
Adieu-2011, the graduation party hosted by the IIT Madras
Alumni Association, is the culminating event in the calendar.
Consequently, we needed a medium to record the cherished memories
of our peers and seniors and thus, the The Last Bencher happened.
Our objective was to immortalize the institute experiences of the final
year students into a book which would remain as a token of memory of
their celebrated lives at IIT Madras. We are immensely thankful to the
team of The Last Bencher for their excellent efforts in translating this
idea into a reality. Also, we acknowledge the support of IIT Madras
Alumni Association, in taking this idea forward.
It was a privilege for us to make this unprecedented attempt.
Moreover, the outcome is meticulously descriptive and an excellent
read. We sincerely hope to make this a yearly affair.
Wishing you a future filled with flying colours, the Alumni
Affairs Council bids a grand Adieu. We hope that you would find this
book as a prized souvenir of IIT Madras.
Govind Gopinath Pravimal Abhishek
Baranidaran P Ardra Manasi
Alumni Affairs Council, 2010-2011

VII
VIII
 From Editors Desk
The first words that come to our minds when we think of
Insti are peace, freedom and opportunity. The beautiful, calm
and serene campus has provided space for more than just fun and
frolic. It has accommodated a host of opportunities for us to pick
up interests outside of academics and to nurture them. It gave us
the chance to meet a varied set of personalities from all parts of
the country. But what we can never forget and what we thank
Insti for is that it has helped us become self-dependent.
When we had first walked into Insti, we feared not being
able to mingle with the new surroundings and the strange set of
people around us. Insti was not home but it was warm and
welcoming. We interacted a lot with seniors and other mates of
our age only to realize that they shared the same feeling. The
loads of activities happening everyday kept us on our toes and we
never felt bored. In fact, one of us gleefully said, I felt home-sick
for the first time in my 7th semester.
Through the years, our perspectives and views on various
issues have changed and we have learnt more values. We have
learnt to admit our mistakes and are more open to others views
now. We have learnt to put ourselves in someone elses shoes and
behave appropriately in all kinds of situations. All in all, we have
learnt to maintain a balanced life. A balance between academics
and extra-curriculars. A balance between family and friends. A
balanced diet.

IX
 Picking out one or two instances from a hoard of
memories is very hard. Our memories star all the friends who
stood with us through thick and thin, the fun we had in hostels
and many more random incidents which cant be categorized. The
Last Bencher is an attempt to immortalize those memories. This is
to all those friends who lived those moments with us.
Surbhi Maheshwari
Kanwaljeet Singh
Sapeksha Vemulapati

X
 Contents
The Team III
Foreword V
Message from Alumni Council VII
From the Editors Desk IX

Hello Da Macha Partha and Kanwaljeet 1

Academic Life at IITM: Prof. C Balaji 5
Changing Perspectives
Home Away from Home Jitagna Mehta 9
A Page from My Diary Pushkarini Agharkar 11
Put Intro Darsana Vijay 13
Expectations Anonynous 16
The Applauded Jump Editors pick 18
A Date in Disguise Surbhi Maheshwari 21
Levels of Love Prathyush Ponnekanti 24
Past Continuous Prof. Sujatha Srinivasan 27
Not His Day Editors pick 33
Life: Dreams and Reality Mahita J 36
Just One Slap Naman Somani 39
Grounded! Anonymous 42
In the Heaven Anitha B Raja 44
Twice Bitten Krishna Chaitanya 46

XI
An Exchange Experience Andreas Leitner 48
Who Guards the Guard? Anonymous 50
Quizzing at IITM: 2006-2011 Raghav Iyengar 53
Friends for Life Rajat Tasgaonkar 56
An Ethical Scam Surbhi Maheshwari 57
Missed Call Anitha B Raja 61
From a Wardens Diary Prof. G Srinivasan 63
A Couple of Memories Prof. G Srinivasan 67
Soberly Drunk Editors pick 69
My First Street Fight N V S Anuraag 72
Misplaced Proxy Krishna Chaitanya 73
We Electricians Avinash Nagarajan 75
Then and Now Prof. L S Ganesh 78
When God sent Light Kanwaljeet Singh 81
How not to be a Bad Teacher Rakesh Misra 83
How We Met! Govindraj Vinayraj 86
Chennai Challenge Claudia Blank 87
Times I Had the Cake and Ate Surbhi Maheshwari 89
It Too
Scoring in Saarang Editors pick 90
A Robotic Report I V S Sandeep 93
Bhoot! Bhoot! Himanshu Suryavanshi 95
An Over-the-Bridge Experience Editors pick 96

XII
The Sneaky Four Kanwaljeet Singh 98
20 Years in IITM N Bharathwaj 101
Dixcy on Fire! Editors pick 103
A (50-7)*2 km Cycle Trip Surya Sudheer Meduri 105
My First Time Anonymous 108
When Dominos made Burgers Sailesh Akella 110
Behind the Scenes Sapeksha Vemulapati 112
From Be Tech to B. Tech. Akila Kesavasamy 115
A Walk in 2030 Arul Sekar 118

Batch of 2011 i
Team Intros ii-iv

XIII
XIV


Hello Da Macha!
Partha and Bardar
Cast away from the outside world there lives a tribe smart,
prudent and a proud possessor of a dialect that has been well conserved
over decades of modernization. They call this language The IITM
lingo.
Its not bows and arrows that they wield; they keep others at bay
with their knowledge and expertise at engineering. Want of brevity
necessitated the formation of their lingo while creativity fuelled it to
become what it is today. To an outsider, it might sound Hebrew but for
the members of the tribe it is the way of communication. Since no
dictionary (other than a particular Masters thesis) documents the words
used in the lingo it became necessary to connect their language with
their behaviour.
Late in the night if you ask a member of the tribe when he
would be sleeping you would get an answer I will be crashing late, da.
The lingo serves as a great verbal code for the inmates for they
can insult anyone without the knowledge of the person concerned.
If they were to meet a show-off they tag him as a pseud putter.
If a member gives an exam and comes back to exclaim, Rod
maxx paper ra! I am raped, he means that the paper was difficult.
They call their home as Insti and refer to their members as
junta. Outsiders are generally characterized to be arbit junta and
referred to as non-insti.
This language is passed on from generation to generation
through a ceremonial proceeding known as a fundae session.
Competition anywhere is inevitable and so much so in the tribe.
A member who deliberately tries to spoil/halt the endeavours of another
is referred to as RG.
There are different kinds of people in this clan- some of them
are very enthu about whatever they do, some put peace while others
...
1

put fart. The enthu junta are usually the most vibrant people who
enjoy working. The peace putters are people who would rather lie on
their beds and would rather not work unless compelled to. They usually
pack stuff until it becomes extremely necessary. The fart putters are
the ones who do not do any kind of useless stuff and only put fart.
It was evident that these people were not atheists. For a person
who excels at something is compare to God God-level and are
usually considered at the top. Some who are a little lower in hierarchy
are referred to as studs below which lie gen junta.
When asked whether or not this lingo can be decoded for the
arbit junta so that they may understand the cultural and linguistic
intricacies of the tribe a member replied nicest try! meaning to suggest
that it is very difficult to do so.
The language seems to be evolving as well for the newer
generations are adapting to increasing need of incorporating more and
more technical terms into the lingo. On being asked to explain scientific
principles, the community members become excited and keep on
repeating two words ob, standing for obviously and slisha,
standing for slightly. These are generally used with everything else. For
example Ob, India will win the world cup, though Australia is slisha
pain.
The superlatives seem very easy to grasp. They are simply
formed by suffixing maxx to any word. For ex- ob maxx sometimes a
higher dE.g.ree of superlative may be used which allows the usage of
maxest maxx- ob maxest maxx.
Since many social experiments are difficult to perform here is a
list of words in the lingo which was chronicled through after much
effort. This is by no means an exhaustive list.

...
2

Arbit Arbitrary, Random.

-ax Universal suffix, a shortened form of max; painax, rapeax
BOG Abbreviation for Bathrooms Of Graduating students
Bulb Not understanding some point or understanding it after a
considerable delay
Crash Sleep
Crib To complain about something
Cup To fail in something. Originated from the U grade (symbolising
a cup)
Despo Desperate.
Enthu Enthusiasm, being enthusiastic E.g.: Why so much enthu?
Fart Useless discussion. without any reason
Fight Effort, usually associated with put; put fight
Funda Reason, concept.
Fundaes Knowledge, Info. E.g.: He has proper fundaes on microchips.
Gen Generally. For no specific reason E.g.: Why did you jump? Gen.
Give up Something bad in quality or quantity. E.g.: Mess food was give up
Grand-slam Bunking all the classes in a day
Grub Food. E.g.: Get some grub for me
Guru Gurunath, students facilities centre in IITM
Hajjar Lots. E.g.: I have hajjar friends in IIT
Hi funda An exclamation appreciating an idea or concept. E.g.:
Inception movie is hi funda
Junta People
Level Refers to the capabilities of a person; god level, cup level
Lite Not caring about something. E.g.: I took the assignment lite
Macha Insti word for Dude. E.g.: Macha, whats up?
Maxx Superlative to any state or action. E.g.: Give up maxx
Mug To study. E.g.: I am mugging
Muggu Generally used for toppers of the class or people with high
CGPA or those who mug a lot
N Universal prefix, implying very. E.g.: Got N-pained in the class.
...
3

Ob Obviously
Pack Delaying or not doing a task. E.g.: I packed my classes today.
Pain Annoyance, boredom or difficulty. E.g.: She pained us for two
hours with her stories.
Peace Easy. E.g This assignment is peace. Not doing anything. E.g.
Prof is am putting peace in class.
Prof Professor
Pseud Exclamation for something more than high-funda
Pseud putting Showing off
Put its Do it, tell
Ra/Da Universal endearing terms. E.g.: Wassup da?
Rape1 Doing something very badly. E.g.: I got raped in todays quiz.
Rape2 Doing something very well. E.g.: I raped the exam.
RG1 Deliberately trying to spoil/halt the endeavours of another.
2
RG Short for Royal Gangrape. Another word for toasts that
friends give to the passing out people in the hostel.
Rod Difficult. E.g.: The question paper was rod
Sec Secretary
Slisha Slight
Stud Being good at something
T Stands for TNR (because NR is not required).
TNR Totally not required. E.g.: its TNR to put pseud.
Tut Short for Tutorial
Thulp Doing something extraordinarily well. E.g.: We thulped the
match today.

...
4

Academic Life at IITM:

Changing Perspectives
Prof. C Balaji
It was the year 1990. Just out of the College of Engineering,
Guindy, Chennai, I joined the M. Tech. program in Mechanical
Engineering at IIT Madras. Needless to say, the GATE exam opened the
gates of IIT Madras to many students like me, who for various reasons
either did not get to enter or choose to enter IITM for a B. Tech. On
the first day, the Dean (Academics) gave a presentation on the slot
system and the credit system. We all were completely flummoxed by
both and it took a good part of the first semester to figure out what
these were, though in retrospect, I feel that it makes eminent sense to
have a relative grading in an institution like IIT Madras. The verb RG,
an outgrowth of the term relative grading, is now part of my lexicon
and am sure will soon enter the Concise Oxford Dictionary just like
funda (It is depressing to note that many people outside of the IIT
system do not acknowledge that the word funda originated here!).
Being a day scholar, I had the opportunity to meet several
dayscis, both B. Tech. and M. Tech. I continued for Ph. D without a
break and this created several opportunities to interact with various
batches of students. The universal goal among the B. Techs. was to
app to US and never come back. Most discussions revolved around
Rosenblums word power, GRE word list and so on. Western music
was very popular and there was no A. R. Rahman, Harris Jeyaraj,
Hariharan or Lucky Ali! Many students were forced to say (at least in
public) that they loved Bruce Springsteen the most! That was the peer
pressure then. The rock show at Mardi Gras was hugely popular and it
was considered infra dig to either listen to songs or watch movies in
the vernacular. Snobbery was at its all time best. This was also the time
when there were very few engineering colleges in the country, no NITs,
...
5

VIT or the other well known colleges of today. We all worked very hard
at academics. There were several B. Techs. in our classes, who in my
opinion, were also very focused. There was no Shaastra and
liberalization had not yet begun. Saturday night OAT movies were very
popular and the canteens on campus were barely passable. One could
not dream of getting a milk shake or a pani puri or a club sandwich on
campus. Teachers were considered as repositories of knowledge and
were difficult to reach at a personal level, though they seemed very
considerate. For us coming from other colleges, the mode of delivery of
lectures and exam testing were all such a breath of fresh air that many of
us fell in love with the IIT system. IITM worked with a clockwork
precision. It was very difficult to say from the movement of student
traffic at 11 AM near HSB whether the institute was working or not.
Thankfully, to this day, it continues.
There are several striking similarities and differences between
what I felt as a student and what I now feel as a faculty member at the
Institute. From the point of view of infrastructure and facilities, we are
on par with the best institutes in the world. The universal mantra of
trying hard to achieve seems to be eternal. Back as a student, I felt Profs
were extremely well prepared for each class and even today, in my
opinion, many Profs continue to do that. However, many other
priorities of both students and faculty members have changed. Students
want to pursue several things at the same time and in the process some
get burnt out. Several mini and micro projects in the course of their
study, extra internships, internships abroad during summer, going to
IAS and/or CAT coaching classes, trying to be a vol, coord or
core for Saarang/Shaastra and the list is seemingly endless. In this
mad race and craze, there is a feeling amongst all of us that the students
are not focused and are unable to enjoy the primary purpose for which
they are here namely academics and a good campus life to make one
well rounded. On the flip side, students have become more

...
6

autonomous and are clear about career opportunities. In a lighter vein,

sleeping in the class is a national syndrome and was and is very much
prevalent in IITM too. However, the reasons for that keep dynamically
changing with time and so one can see that we have made progress on
this front too!
In just a short period of 20 years, the most important change I
see is that now only 10% of the graduating class goes abroad for higher
studies, while the majority land up in jobs or B schools, which is a
reflection of the progress the nation has made in the post liberalization
era. One crucial paradigm shift in the students is that there is more
Indianization in everything, which is welcome. People listen to more
of our music, join jobs here and the Popular Nite beats the Rock show
hands down, year after year at Saarang, in terms of patronage!
Insofar as I am concerned, I am increasingly realizing that the
most important quality that students seek in their teachers is being
caring or understanding. However, it goes without saying that first, one
has to be good in his or her subject and must be able to teach reasonably
well! This is a per-requisite or in my optimization parlance a
constraint that cannot be violated. The key point is, how one is able to
communicate the message well and is not, how much more one knows
or what his or her standing among his/her peers is. These hardly matter
to the student. Once we take the position that we have an opportunity
to shape the lives of so many individuals, there is more responsibility
and we need to lead by example. At the same time, there is increasing
pressure to publish papers, guide more Ph. D. students, take up more
projects and so on. So, it is a pressure cooker situation for both the
teacher and the taught.
However, just like a phoenix rises out of the ashes, I believe that
people at IIT Madras can pull off a coup and emerge triumphant in all
their endeavors, without losing their smile. This great kingdom has

...
7

done so well in the last 50 years and will continue to do so in the

foreseeable future. For me, IIT Madras is fatally addictive and is a
paradise on planet Earth.

About the author: Professor C Balaji did his M. Tech., Mechanical

Engineering from IIT Madras in 1992 and Ph. D. in 1995. He is currently a
faculty in the same department.

*******
Bartender
Ashish Binu, a freshie, was pseud-putting in one of his first interaction
sessions with his seniors. He was trying his best to impress his seniors
with his knowledge about girls. Ashish ranted on and on I like Ina,
I like Nina and I love Meena. Confused, curious and interested, the
seniors inquired what the difference between like and love was.
Sage-like and feeling very important, he showered them with is wisdom,
Like, is like beer and love, like vodka! Very philosophical, indeed! The
seniors could not quite comprehend the material reality that the wise
freshie was trying to drive home. Very benevolently, he elaborated.
Love makes you high, but like doesnt. One could guess that he
earned the title of bartender for his authoritative knowledge of
different drinks and what they can do to you.

...
8

Home Away from Home

Jitagna Mehta
Tapti Hostel, IIT Madras. Before I came here, I had heard
numerous stories of fun and excitement of hostel life. Apart from wild
imaginations of loads of games and friends, I could not make more out
of those stories. But now if I look back, I realise the past 5 years have
been like a lifetime for me.
I entered into the institute, the hostel and I (and a bunch of
other folks with me) knew nothing about it. There were seniors, very
friendly, helpful seniors, who ensured smooth transition into the hostel
life. The number of activities within the institute ensured that I did not
feel homesick. Just like a baby taking his/her first steps.
Second and third years were very much like the young and
dynamic generation of the society. We had the knowledge, the power,
the desire to make a change and everything else a young mind longs for.
The responsibilities of juniors, of institute activities were on our
shoulders. We had to balance academics with other activities. We
earned respect for ourselves based on our performance. Some of us also
found that special someone!
Fourth and fifth years are somewhat like old-age. We see our
beloved friends passing out- some of them we would not see for God
knows how long. We see our enthu dying down and more important
things like career decisions taking over. Very few of us are involved in
other activities. We do not have the power anymore. The number of
known faces in insti reduces drastically. One get praised for what little
bit of enthu one has left in oneself. Juniors come to us for important
decisions of their lives. Our word is respected and considered with great
seriousness.

...
9

The final semester is like Moksha. We know our destiny. We do

not fear passing out- we just fear missing this amazing place. The hostel
that gave us lifelong friends. The very important learnings that we take
away from the institute. The confidence one gets from the very rigorous
personality development experience.
Hostel is like a big family, where you know most people, you
work together for many common goals, but you also fight at times.
Institute is like a society, in which everyone contributes differently. One
rises to heights, faces failures, makes important decisions of life, meets a
lot of new people and learns a lot.
For me, this experience has simulated my life and society and I
hope to take back the experience and match it with the real life

About the author: Jitagna JSquare Mehta is a Dual Degree student in the
Dept. of Mechanical Engineering. A volleyball enthusiast, he dislikes disorder of
any sort. If his hostel toast is any indication, he can easily be announced the
most sincere guy of Tapti.

...
10

A Page from My Diary

Pushkarini Agharkar
(11-March-07)
It is a slow and peaceful Sunday morning. And you really cant
blame your rough mood on the weather except for the glaring hot sun
which might as well char you to ashes and what is left of you is thin,
dark, sooty, papery stuff (ya, I am talking about the mess dosa). In
Mumbai we get soaked in sweat, here its worse; you get roasted in the
sun. And before I drift farther from the topic, let me continue the story.
So a serene morning it is and since its a Sunday, half the junta are
crashing in their rooms. I am at my table attempting half-heartedly, to
solve a physics tut problem. Listening to music wont help you do it
better, but I put on my headphones anyway. I know, there are dim
hopes of me actually cracking the problem now. And because I have my
earphones on, I dont catch the sound of slammed doors, screaming
girls, toppling dust-bins and MONKEYS SCREECHING. So, I am a
first time victim to monkey attack (in the room, I mean. I have been
confronted by the thugs on roads numerous times). A 3 ft tall hideous
looking monkey appears in front of me from nowhere. My initial
reaction is to shoo him off, but that turns out to be a bad choice. IIT
monkeys are liberated and they wont take such humiliation lightly. He
or she, whoever it is, tries to take a step forward towards me and there I
am, displaying a terrified scream louder than I have ever heard myself
scream, louder than that scary ride in the thrill park, or finding a
grotesque lizard in the bathroom, or slipping off a just swept wet floor,
or hitting the barricade in need for speed. As anyone must have figured
by now, I scream a lot well, the scene continues for the next couple of
minutes and the monkey is gone at last, leaving me with a pounding
heart, a throat which hurts from screaming; and a rough mood. But
isnt that the beginning of the story?

...
11

(11-March-2011)
Four years from the day I penned it down, the diary entry looks
really silly. I did hate the mess dosas back then, didn't I? I can't live
without eating dosas these days. They are a staple. As for the monkeys, I
barely notice their presence in the corridors.
I came to Chennai five years ago. Back then, I was confounded
by questions varying from how much detergent to add to wash a
bucketful of clothes to what courses I should take to 'put peace'. I used
to get totally lost in the different languages I heard every day. Like
everyone else around me, over the course of time, a lot of my goals and
ideals were structured and restructured in IIT Madras. Five years later,
finally at the other end of the tunnel, I put all the 'fight' I can in my
courses, love the city and have managed to not learn even five words in
Tamil.

About the author: Pushkarini Agharkar, a Dual Degree student in the

Department of Aerospace Engineering, inscribes her thoughts in her blog
strawberrymargaritas.wordpress.com when she is not busy applying fluid
mechanic concepts. A complete health freak, marathons and tennis are her
favourites. She is a self confessed coffee addict.

...
12

Put Intro
Darsana Vijay
The euphoria of seeing the letter offering you the key for
unlocking the gateway to your dream is beyond words to explain. The
moment you rip open the package you would be overwhelmed by an
avalanche of forms and n-number of brochures; brimming with
excitement, you pore over every sentence with an enthusiasm you never
showed to reading anything useful. As you read the general instructions
to fresher students you will notice two mutually-contradictory sentences,
i) ragging is strictly prohibited in this campus and ii) there is a tradition of
giving nicknames to the freshmen by the seniors. These are the names by which
you would be known all through your IIT life. That is the first hunch you get
about the interaction sessions that haunt every fresher in his/her first
few weeks here.
Everything here at IIT has a specific format, be it the question-
papers, the routine life or the interaction sessions. The general format
of a typical interaction session is as follows:
The all-powerful senior appears and he casts the unforgivable
curse on you, Put intro! The intro is supposed to cover the main
aspects of your life. So off you go beginning my name is x. That will
probably be the first mistake of your IIT life. You are supposed to begin
by saying My name is _________ and my nick is x, where the blank is
to be duly filled with your nickname. If one has not been bestowed on
you till then, you are supposed to say, I do not have a name yet which
will result in cries of nameless shameless and dont worry we will
name you followed by a lot of maniacal laughter in the background.
Next, you are expected to put gen fundaes about yourself. The
freshie is supposed to give his/her intro in a very formal manner,
without laughing or stuttering, at a very even pace. This will include

...
13

your branch/department, your all-India rank, which state you are from,
your school, coaching center etc. Mild variations are possible, for
example if you are interacting with a senior who speaks the same local
language as you do, you might be asked to put your intro in that
language, without using a single English word. Abbreviations are not
entertained. If you say my IIT-JEE AIR is 234, you are done for. It
should be, my Indian Institute of Technology Joint Entrance Exam All
India Rank is two hundred thirty four. As soon as the seniors lose
interest in your background, they will ask you what your interests are. If
your interests include reading, chances are that you will enter into a
debate with a knowledgeable senior and end up convinced that you have
never read any books that are worth reading. Those who say that they
can carry a tune or burn the floor will be made to give a live
demonstration and they will judge your performance.
Fun variances are possible like asking the fresher to say something
interesting at the end of every line or to punctuate every word or
sentence with a particular word. You can expect questions that will
examine your proficiency in extra-curricular subjects that are crucial for
ones existence. Practical tests may also be a part of this procedure and
may include enacting a scene of the seniors choice. In this whole
process chances are there that you might let slip some stupid word
which will end up being your insti-name. Sometimes, the fresher may be
presented with some technical term and asked to define what that is. If
your answer is hilariously foolish, that will become your nick and the
answer you gave will be your funda. Putting the funda of your nick-
name will be another part of the intro process from then on. Basically,
this is the format but minor to major changes are often possible
depending on the people involved.
Freshers do hate having to give up their sleep and peace for the
first few weeks, but these interactions have their own significance.
There is no better way of getting to know your seniors and establishing a
...
14

good rapport with them. If you manage to impress the seniors with your
talents they will motivate you to come forward and display them on the
right platform. Moreover, as you look back, it is a great deal of fun too.
The IIT culture stresses on this strong filial relationship between the
seniors and the juniors and this is the best instrument to strengthen the
bond. We know from next year freshies can expect one question for
sure; Have you read The Last Bencher?

...
15

Expectations
Anonymous
The eight oclock classes and one oclock classes mean an hour
of sleep deprivation and feel like eternity. I do not quite remember why
and how I reached the 1 oclock App Mech class at 12:55 (quite early by
Insti standards). The class was in HSB 333. There were about a hundred
students. My friend, Rohit entered the class as most cool dudes in IIT
would do: No book, no bag, just a shabbily dressed self. The Prof was
not in the mood to appreciate his devil-may-care attitude. He asked
Rohit, Where is your book? Rohit was not quite bent on taking it
lying down. He retorted, Sir, my friend has my book. He will bring it.
Prof was convinced that Rohit was lying. He asked, Then, where is your
friend? Rohit looked around for Jim who had his book. Jim was
nowhere to be seen. I felt that this was the right time to prove myself as
a good friend.
I walked up to the Prof, with my notebook in hand, and told
him, Sir, I have the book. He had given it to me. Rohits eyes filled
with gratitude and I felt like a hero. Prof saw through my ploy and he
was in no mood to forgive and forget. He asked me, So, this book
belongs to Rohit, huh? Yes, Sir, Rohit and I replied in unison. Quite
maniacally he asked me, locking his eyes into mine in a murderous sort
of way, Then, where is your notebook? I felt all my pride evaporate
and realized that I had begun to sweat. I slowly walked towards where I
had been sitting and looked helplessly at my empty bag. Suddenly, a gap-
toothed smile came into view and I had the first glimpse of my saviour.
Chandrasekhar! Was there any way simpler than this? I took his
notebook and with a triumphant smile, went to the Prof. He was furious
to see me with the notebook. He asked me, face red, So, this is your
note, huh? Without taking his eyes off me he opened the book. I was

...
16

filled with mortal dread. I was done for, he will see Chandus name on
the front page and that will be it, my end! So much for being a saviour!
The Prof looked at me furiously. By then I was sure that I would
be thrown out, at the very least. I peeped into the open book and found
to my immense relief that the book had no name written on it. He
shouted at me, What book is this? No name. Nothing. Just like your
head, it has got nothing in it. He threw the book out of the door and it
hit Puneet, who was coming in just then, on the face. I felt that this was
the right moment to put some real senti. In a very low, sad and strained
voice, I said Sir, this is not what I expected from a Prof whom I respect
a lot. I thought that being a teacher; you would surely treasure books
rather than throwing them at peoples faces. I am sorry, Sir. But I never
expected you to do this. The Prof looked lost, helpless and confused. I
was struggling to keep myself from laughing. Just when I was punching
the air in exultation for having saved the day, the six-feet figure of Jim
appeared by the door. He came in with no book, be it his or Rohits.
All the while, Rohit was watching the whole drama get more
and more complicated. On noticing that the Profs face was turning red
with fury, he decided to put an end to all this nonsense. He said, Sir, I
had not given my book to anyone. All of it was my fault. I am so sorry,
Sir. I promise that I will not repeat it. The Prof opened his mouth to
tell us something. The next second, he realized that it was pointless and
wiped his sweating brow and his bald head. He shook his head in utter
desperation and totally gave up on us.

Editors note: This is indeed a true incident but, honouring the authors wish,
names of the characters have been changed to fictitious names.

...
17

The Applauded Jump

Editors pick
Insti may be well known for a lot of things, and rightly so, but a
culturally progressive attitude is not one of them. Super computers yes,
sophisticated biomedical technology yes, but wholeheartedly embracing
the values of the 21st century? No. One of the diktats that arise out of
this approach is that no men are allowed into the ladies' hostel, Sharav,
under no circumstances. There could be a couple of asphyxiated,
trembling, death rattling girls in there, but if you happen to be male,
you can't put as much as a toe in.
This is a fact the overwhelmingly large population of menfolk in
Insti have come to accept, but there always will be a couple of daredevils
here and there, with enough resources and the sheer guts to subvert the
law.
Two such sterling men were Cheetah and Accepted. It was
Saarang 2010 and our protagonists were standing in front of Sharav
along with Aag, Again, Lokhda and Aditi. The general chit chat and the
hey-you-remembers left Cheetah and Accepted bored within a few
minutes. They looked around and instantly spotted Sharav. It was
Saarang and adventure was in the air. In a moment's inspiration
Cheetah and Accepted decided that, come what may, they were going to
get inside Sharav.
Running their eyes across the building, they began looking for
strategic entry and exit points in the building. For it was a mission that
had to be planned meticulously. If they made a mistake and they were
caught, they would be in front of the Dean before they could say
Sharavati.
It was the night Shankar, Ehsaan and Loy were performing at
the OAT and there was a considerable crowd in front of Sharav. For
...
18

some reason, Accepted and Cheetah thought they could blend in with
the crowd and walk in to Sharav without the security guard noticing.
After their brief and lightning quick sojourn inside, they planned to
jump down from a balcony on the first floor on to the road and run for
it.
Tidying up and tying up a few loose ends, the plan was finalised
and they submitted it to their friends for approval. Speaking like one
friend, they told the dynamic duo that they were crazy. Extolling the
virtues of a peaceful life without adrenaline pumped adventure and
explaining the obvious risks involved, Aag, Again, Lokhda and Aditi
tried to convince them to withdraw, but they could have been talking to
a wall for all the result they got. Ignoring the advice of their four friends,
the two of them decided to go ahead with the plan.
Accepted and Cheetah walked into Sharav, trying their best to
blend in with the crowd and not look suspicious. Of course, that
attempt was futile, considering that the rest of the crowd was female.
They could have been spotted from the moon. The warden was right in
front the hostel and had no difficulty in spotting the two of them. She
stopped them and started with the customary interrogation. The two of
them tried to slink in by saying they were a part of the hospitality team
and that they needed to get in urgently. The warden was not relenting
and it seemed the plan would come unstuck without ado. However, the
warden's attention was momentarily distracted and taking advantage of
it, the boys ran into Sharav.
For a moment they stood there, like six year olds who had
discovered a land where mountains where made of ice cream and rivers
were of chocolate. I dont know if you are familiar with the band of
explorers who went in search of El Dorado. Those chaps never found
the city of gold, but if they had, their euphoria could scarcely have
matched that in Accepted and Cheetah.

...
19

They knew time was at a premium and that any moment, the
Sharav Warden might pop up and boot them out. They ran along the
corridors, drinking in the sights and sounds, capturing every pixel their
eyes could take. Short skirts, hot pants and stilettos captured their eyes
and hearts. They ran from corridor to corridor, from wing to wing.
Meanwhile, the inmates of Sharav were equally stunned to find
specimens of the other sex in the hostel.
After a few minutes inside, the boys knew their time was up.
Any more time spent inside could jeopardise their bottoms and their
careers. They had to get out and get out fast. They ran around first floor,
trying to find an exit point into the balcony and out of the hostel. They
finally found what they were looking for near the office room. By this
time, a horde of girls had come out of their rooms to witness the
spectacle. Instant heroes Accepted and Cheetah became, as the female
contingent started cheering and hooting. Accepted let himself into the
balcony. Stretching his arms, he managed to get a grasp of a lower slab
and swung himself down. Just three or four feet separated him from the
ground. Taking the risk, he jumped down. Cheetah followed his lead
and jumped down. Both landed on the cusp of the road, with minor
scratches on the limbs.
Looking around in delight, perhaps expecting fans and admirers
to fly in with the bouquets, they saw that the entrance to Sharav was
sealed off. Quickly deducting that the Warden must have sent for the
security, they realised that sticking around the area any more could be
detrimental to their physical health. Taking two long, deep breaths, they
ran for their lives, back to their hostel. Now that is Saarang well spent.

About the characters: Himanshu Cheetah Suryavanshi and Swapnil

Accepted Kulkarni hail from Tapti and are students in the Metallurgical and
Materials Engineering Department. Cheetah is a great athlete, hence the name.
Accepted is considered to be a pocket dynamo on the football pitch.

...
20

A Date in Disguise
Surbhi Maheshwari
3rd semester, October 2007- T (once TAS of a certain hostel
which has been home for Tech-Soc trophy since forever) had promised
W (a Mech guy from Tapti with a nick that rhymes with W), Divya and
yours truly a treat for winning Junkyard Wars event at Shaastra earlier
that month. One weekend, soon after quizzes got over, he suggested that
we claim our treat that day. I was surprised as Divya had gone home and
it was supposed to be a group treat but given that I was not that close to
the treat putter, I could not point that fact out and said a reluctant OK.
So it was decided, 7 pm, W, T and I were going for dinner.
A couple of hours before the treat, my cellphone announced
the arrival of a message. It was from an unknown number and read: W
will pack the treat at the last moment. T wants to go only with you. He
has asked W to give excuses and not come. First reaction was to reply,
Who is this? No amount of efforts yielded the identity of the person.
It apparently belonged to a non-insti person as no insti friends of mine
had it. (I checked with a couple of classmates and seniors.) The only
responses I got were to the tone of: Thought to warn you in advance,
Your well-wisher etc etc.
Irked by the fact that someone unknown was daring to give me
advice believing that he (I assumed it was a he) knew what is good or not
good for me more than I do, I took it up as a challenge. Responded
back: Even if it is true, even if W packs, what is your problem? It is
none of your business who I go out with.
W indeed packed the treat at the last minute with excuses about
an upcoming presentation. Had I been unaware of the plan, I would
have asked T to postpone the treat but now that I was already
anticipating this move, I wanted to witness the whole drama. Played

...
21

along, went for dinner to Galloping Gooseberries and ate the quantity I
would eat for evening snacks rather than a full meal. In fact, to prove my
calm, before starting from hostel, I even managed to finish writing a few
lines T had asked me to on a particular topic. On way back, I decided to
drop the bomb. Asked T to identify the number, he too denied having it
stored on his phone. Then showed him the messages, and did not care
about his reaction. He tried to convince me that he was not aware of the
messages or of Ws plan to pack at the last minute. He went on asking
me how I wanted him to defend himself but I was not going to fall for
any of that. I maintained a complete silence on the topic.
W, the next day, enquired about the treat and received a cold
treatment from me. We had a huge argument a couple of days later. He
kept saying he had done me a favour which he hoped I would
understand some day in future and my only response was- This is
cheating, I dont want to listen to any explanations.
I loved the way the whole issue unfolded. The person who had
messaged me did not get the satisfaction of spoiling Ts plan of a
dinner date. T could not get the satisfaction of having a happy ending
to the so called dinner date. W got blasted at by me for trying to prove
that he was helping me. Divya, for no fault of hers, had to put up with a
grumpy me for quite some time. I got to have the final say with each one
of them.
I came to know a couple of years later that it was Ws roommate
R who had sent me those messages through his non-insti girlfriends
phone number. He wanted to settle some score with T and W had
indeed asked him to inform me somehow as he didnt want me to be
taken by surprise when he packed the treat.
R threatened T recently that he would tell me the truth,
unaware that I already knew everything and hence gave me another
chance to trip on him. W says he still doesnt want to talk to me on that
...
22

topic. T has, over the time (and despite the incident), become one of the
most cherished friends. Divya continues to be the bestest friend and we
have had a lot of crazy moments in each others company or because of
(sometimes intentional) lack of it.

About the author: Surbhi is a Dual Degree student in the Department of

Electrical Engineering. She enjoys travelling, loves chocolates and is a cleanliness
freak. Her idea of a perfect weekend is a marathon reading session, but no
coffee! Some more space has been wasted over her at the end of this book.

...
23

Levels of Love
Prathyush Ponnekanti
In the last four years, I have learnt a lot about life. That life
includes a good deal of love and sex. I havent got my fair share but I
have certainly researched a great deal. So if you belong to the section of
my friends who've had it tough in this dimension, let me try to give you
a little bit of fundaes here and I really hope your love life comes into
existence soon.
All of this comes from personal experience and fundaes
collected from other open source supporters and hence there is some
reliability in here.
I had spent seven years of my life on trying to get cosy with two
girls (one after the other of course). While one has ended up being my
best friend, the other refuses to recognise me anymore. In these seven
years, all I could think of was the girl who held my fancy. All I wanted to
do was to look at her, walk up to her, talk to her and heck! I didn't even
know what to talk! Seven years is a precious lot of time. All that time
spent and still no girlfriend, I decided to get logical with things and the
research began.
The idea is to hit on several girls simultaneously. Scandalous as
it may sound, there exists rationale to this. Say you like a girl, you ping
her and she doesnt reply, you are bound to feel low. Or say she does
reply and since you like this girl a lot you'll say something that you think
is flirtatious and the girl thinks is spooky. Both way, things will get
screwed up in due course of time and you're down and pained.
However, if there are 6 girls you are hitting on at a time the sample size
will multiply the probability of a reply and what's more, you won't get
desperate with her since you know you arent too keen on her. Hell,
whom are you kidding? You are hitting on five other girls dude!

...
24

Six was a general estimate I picked. The actual number depends

on the effort you can put in. Any girl would require some genuine
interest in her and so you better be genuine. A simple representation
would go like - Say you can put in effort E and there are N girls. Then
you'd put in around E/N effort on each of 'em. If the threshold value of
effort for each individual girl is T, then it's easy to see that E/N > T. So
pick your optimal N such that you know you'll be able to deliver the
required levels of interest on each of your girls.
Now, we have been fairly simplistic in this discussion but I'm
certain you're smart enough to get the point I'm trying to make. Anyway,
it is now time to establish a hierarchy in interaction. There's basic SMS
and 'Hello, Hi!' interaction. Then there's coffee date. Then there's lunch
date. Then dinner date and then the actual deal. Once you've found
your N contacts and all of them smile at you and make mild
conversation (Don't worry. They will. Girls are usually nice people to
know) it is time to escalate some of them to the next level - the coffee
date. So you see, you'll have to put in more effort here. At this point you
probably will have to downsize your value of N as the effort you need to
put in will increase.
That's the whole point. With each level, you'll have to reduce
the number of girls you are interested in. So by the time you reach the
dinner date you would be left with only one girl and hopefully things
will roll on with her. The simple point is if it doesn't work out with this
girl you can always backtrack to another one whom you've left at
another level.
There is too much detail I've left out here. Writing the whole
stuff would take a few books and prompt recurrent yawns. However
much has to be said about handling the dates at different levels.
Furthermore you may ask me how to meet so many girls. Well, my
friend, it is not necessary that all these girls be your dream dates. Good

...
25

looks are just one component of female attractiveness. Often times a

good metric would be if you can make decent conversation with your
girl. So fellas, there are quite some approachable smart girls out there
who could just be your type. Check them out and the golden rule is -
never make a girl uncomfortable. Dammit, there's never a greater sin
than spooking your girl out. (I've been there guys. I know it too well)
One last word - Enjoy yourself during the whole endeavour.
Enjoy all the conversations, the coffees, her laughs to your little silly
jokes, the lovely albeit tuneless songs and lots of other cool stuff you can
do without ever once hurting someone or getting hurt yourself.
Have fun!

About the author: Prathyush Josh Ponnekanti, a Dual Degree student in

the Department of Computer Science and Engineering, harbours a strange
enthusiasm for writing letters. He resides in Narmada hostel. His pastime
hobbies include composing (love) songs and singing.

...
26

Past Continuous
A chat with Prof. Sujatha
Editors: Lets start with a difficult question. What do you think about
the attendance rule?
Prof. Sujatha: (Smiling). You could get me into trouble with this kind
of questions but I expected this one. First thing is that I dont know
whether the students want to be treated as mature people or as kids.
Mature adults don't need rules for everything because they have an
innate sense of responsibility. Its my job to make the classes interesting
and draw in the students, true. Its also true that the students job is to
ensure that the IIT degree that will open doors for them has some
substance to it. If the students are committed and are here at IIT to
learn, I dont see the need for an attendance rule but as of now, it seems
to be a necessary evil.
Editors: How was your experience as a student in IIT Madras?
Prof. Sujatha: I enjoyed every bit of my stay at IIT Madras. I had studied
in another engineering college for close to a year before joining the
B.Tech. programme at IITM and so was able to appreciate the difference
in the two environments. The infrastructure, the opportunities both
curricular and extra-curricular, the interaction between the students and
faculty, the greenery, and the freedom Insti offers- this is a great place to
be as a student. My time as a student here was a valuable learning
experience in many ways.
Editors: Why did you choose to come back to IITM after working for so
many years in US?
Prof. Sujatha: The work culture in the US was fantastic, and daily life is
pretty smooth without many of the hassles you experience here. But
India is home, its what we are used to, its where we blend in. When we
thought about moving back to India, IITM was my first choice because I

...
27

love this place and I wanted my kids to grow up in this wonderful

campus.
In the US, my children would have to deal with two very different kinds
of environments - an Indian environment at home which is largely
conservative and the US environment where freedom and
independence are encouraged from a very young age. The dichotomy
would end up sending them very mixed signals. In India, the peer
pressure at the school level relates primarily to academics, in the US, the
pressure is to be popular and attractive. Kids start using make-up and
talking about having a boyfriend/girlfriend even at the primary school
level. Since my husband and I both grew up here, we felt better
equipped to be parents in India!
Editors: I think we can continue with your answer for the previous
question and get your views on dating.
Prof. Sujatha: Adolescence can be a confusing time, and we need to
nurture a healthy attitude towards the opposite sex. I am glad to see
more girls in the classes now as compared to when I was a student (I was
the only girl in a class of 60 in Mech), and also more interactions now. I
dont have an exact idea about the dating scene in Chennai but it
appears that todays youngsters are smitten with only the bad aspects of
western culture, and that worries me. But I guess, we all primarily learn
by making mistakes thats part of growing up.
Editors: OK. Coming back to a lighter mood, what was your most
wacko moment as a student?
Prof. Sujatha: I didnt have a lot of wacko moments quite boring,
really. In my final year, I took part in a karaoke competition in CLT. I
wasnt really competing, it was just something I wanted to do and I had
fun singing Fernando by ABBA. The next day, I happened to run into
Prof. GS who was one of the judges for the competition. Imagine my
surprise when he told me that it was a close call for the third place
...
28

between me and Sowmya. Not sure if Prof. GS was just trying to make
me feel good, considering Sowmya is now a world-renowned Carnatic
music artiste, and one of IITMs Distinguished Alumnus Awardees this
year but THAT was a wacko moment!
Another incident happened on our Hostel Night. We were very upset
about some of the restrictions that were suddenly introduced in our
hostel. We invited the Director, Dean, et al. and the girls in our batch
(we were 8 of us, the 8 of 88) put up a satirical skit that was based on the
incidents and the administration. The skit was hugely popular with the
hostel crowd but at the end of the play, the profs didnt know whether
they should clap or not.
Editors: Which is better at IIT Madras, life as a student or life as a prof?
Prof. Sujatha: Id say I am lucky and feel blessed to have gotten the
chance of living in both the worlds. I cannot say which life is better
because I had fun as a student and still do as a prof. The nice thing
about this time around is that Ill likely be around a lot longer than the
last time! I enjoy being a prof because I enjoy interacting with students.
For me, every class is a new experience that I am learning from.
Sometimes a student may ask me a question that I am not able to
answer immediately or I may make a mistake. Even though its a little
uncomfortable at that moment, I always learn something. Also, its
definitely nicer to be on the other side as far as taking exams go (smiles).
Editors: How do you feel when you see students sleeping in the class?
Prof. Sujatha: I do understand that students are involved in a host of
activities, curricular, extra-curricular and non-curricular and there are
only 24 hours in a day. However, one should realize that the primary
purpose of ones stay in the institute is to learn what you are here to
learn. What better place to learn the subject than in class? Therefore,
sleeping in class serves neither the purpose of recharging yourself if you
are tired, nor is it serving your overall purpose of learning. So, I think

...
29

the student is better off staying back and taking rest in the room, no? Its
far less annoying to the prof too!
Editors: We would like you to comment on the education system.
Prof. Sujatha: As far as engineering is concerned, the education system
is focussed on developing analytical abilities. We are trained to play with
numbers with ease but there is much more to life than numbers. There
is little emphasis on being a good human being and too much on
winning at any cost. There is very little concern about the environment,
for example. So many people leave the computers, fans and lights on
even when their rooms are locked, or throw trash wherever they feel like
it. It bothers me that youngsters dont care about things like these, or
about punctuality, or about being ethical. Perhaps, we teachers need to
spend some time with you on these aspects of education as well.
Editors: What were the means of entertainment at IITM without net
and cell-phones?
Prof. Sujatha: I know it is very difficult for you to imagine but yes, those
were times when there were no cell-phones and there was no internet.
During those days, movies in OAT used to be big hits. We used to have
only somewhat older movies, not like now where we get to see new
movies in OAT. We would carry our pillows there and sit together
shouting and whistling. The most fun was when we would watch a
movie in the rain!
There were no washing machines or laundry service so we actually
washed clothes with our hands. Evenings were spent playing in the
hostel or in the grounds. Reading magazines, books, even hanging out
in the library or at the chai shop in Tarams or Velachery was
entertainment! Extra-mural lectures were very popular and I never
missed any even if there was a quiz the next day. Other than that, we
played all kinds of games that are available in IITM and participated in
competitions elocution, debates, Karaoke, quizzes we tried our hand

...
30

at many things. I can guess with the decreasing students crowd at OAT
every year that more and more people are becoming prisoners to their
computers. The internet does bring a lot of useful things to the
students world but more and more people are missing out on a lot of
fun because of it.
Editors: You have taught at the Ohio State University and now you are
teaching in IITM. Tell us some differences in the students.
Prof. Sujatha: I need to tell you the basic difference between those
students and our students before answering this question. There, the
majority dont depend on their parents for their college education. I
have seen students who work outside class time as waiters in restaurants
and at other multiple jobs to pay their (steep!) fees while in college.
When in class, they demand good teaching, and they are in college
because they want to learn.
In OSU, I found that the students have very good hands-on skills and
are very creative. They take pride in their work. They are motivated to
learn so even the idea of copying in an exam or copying an assignment
does not come to their minds. Sometimes, a student would doze off in
class but I knew it was because he or she was exhausted working
multiple jobs. In IITM, most students possess very good analytical skills.
Some topics that would take 2-3 classes at OSU, I can finish here in 10
mins. The students in IITM grasp new things quickly and I feel happy
when people ask insightful questions in class, sometimes after a topic
has just been introduced.
Editors: Do you have any message for the students?
Prof. Sujatha: Students should use their time at IIT to partake of all
that the Institute has to offer. Its like a buffet, try everything but youll
really enjoy it only if you come hungry to learn! Its probably the first
time you have so much freedom, use it wisely and focus on your overall
development and gain life-skills. Dont see IIT as an obstacle to be

...
31

crossed in order to get a fat pay packet, but enjoy the journey instead.
The kind of human being you become is way more important than any
degree you earn.
Editors: It was very nice to have this session with you.
Prof. Sujatha: Likewise, thank you!

About the author: Prof. Sujatha Srinivasan earned a B. Tech. degree in

Mechanical Engineering from IIT Madras in 1992 before moving the US for
higher studies. She moved back to India recently and joined the Mechanical
Engineering Department as a faculty.

*******
Aloo
Some country-maxxx seniors from Jam were raping a freshie.
They were examining his knowledge on some necessary life-skills. The
poor freshies knowledge was pretty limited. He answered a few question
correctly but was bulbing most of the time. In sheer desperation, feeling
quite sure that he was done for, he pleaded to the seniors not to give
him a non-veg name. He was very lucky. For once, the seniors heeded
to his plea. They said, So, you do not want a non-veg name, huh? Fine!
Have a veg name. ALOO, let it be!

...
32

Not His Day!

Editors pick
Insti is full of people who put the ass in assignments. They are
all of the opinion that life would have been much better without those
darned things. Unfortunately, that is the way things work and one has
got to make the most of it. Of course, one seldom expects the junta in
Insti to take it lying down. The devious, incredulous and scheming
minds of Insti are constantly formulating plans to jump over or crawl
under the obstacle called assignments. The oldest trick in the book is to
find an unsuspecting fresher and convince him to undertake a joint
operation. And by joint, I mean together.
It so happened that the hockey-playing, metal-music following,
Manchester United-supporting current fourth year IPS had a major dent
in his happiness, courtesy a troublesome assignment. Scoffing
disdainfully at the idea of actually attempting to have a crack at it, he
sent for a first year who looked, talked and walked like a nine pointer.
Handing over the assignment sheet with the ebullience of a newspaper
boy on the street, IPS went back to his hockey-playing, metal-music
following, Manchester United-supporting ways, having banished
thoughts on the assignment from his mind.
The Sun set and rose, bringing a glorious new day to the earth
and the freshie to IPS room. The young chap informed his senior that
he had completed the assignment and had even submitted it, but had
forgotten in the excitement to write a name on the top right corner.
Aye, there is the rub. Acknowledging the fact that there was, by a liberal
estimate, close to fifty seconds for his next class to start, IPS banished
the fresher, grabbed a pair of pants and a key to a tube lock and sped to
the hostel entrance. Jumping on the first cycle whose lock matched his
key he flew like a Schumacher to class.

...
33

In the class, the professor was distributing the corrected

assignment papers. He dryly informed the class that there were a few
bastard papers floating around and people were welcome to claim them.
IPS slyly slinked up to the stack of papers and started looking around
for the best paper available. Minutes later, he found a paper which had a
perfect record. He wrote his name on it and submitted it to the
professor.
Time passed and the professor chanced upon the paper IPS had
submitted. He called out our protagonist.
Is this your paper, he asked.
Yes Sir. That is mine, IPS replied.
Is this your handwriting?
Yes sir.
This is not your handwriting and this not your paper, said the
professor obstinately.
I am sure it is, Sir, cementing a nomination for the great delusion
award for unshakable self belief.
This is my solution sheet.
Battered and bruised, looking very much like the wreck of the
Hesperus, IPS rode back to his hostel on the cycle whose lock had
matched his key.
For all you greenhorns out there, one thing you would be well
advised to do when on a stolen cycle is not to flash it in front of
authority. Moving swiftly on two wheels and thinking a million
unprintable thoughts on the freshie and the professor, IPS forgot the
one golden rule of travelling on a stolen bicycle. He sped straight into
the waiting arms of Taptis blue clad sentinel.

...
34

Whose cycle is this?, thundered the guard.

It is my cycle.
No it is not your cycle.
Yes it is, said IPS, so obstinate that the mules of the world were given
a run for their money.
This is my cycle! I have been looking for it all morning.
Stripped of his cycle and a significant chunk of dignity, IPS
trudged back to his room, like Napolean trudging back from Moscow.
About the protagonist: V.V Achuth aka IPS is a Dual Degree student in the
Electrical Engineering Department. A self-made hockey player, he is a key
component of the institute team. A certified death metal fanatic, IPS is known
to compose his own songs and render them, much to the discomfort of his wing
mates. He blogs at vvachuth.blogspot.com.

...
35

Life: Dreams and Reality

Mahita J
I started my education in Chennai and now I am here to
complete it.
My childhood has not exactly been a cakewalk for me and my
parents. It was a bolt out of the blue when I was identified as "hearing
challenged" by a doctor at the age of 2 years. It was one of the darkest
hours for my parents. Still they did not give up hope. Through a friend,
they took me to Bangalore. It was there when they first heard of the
school "Balavidyalaya - The School for Young Deaf Children" in
Chennai.
Without a moments hesitation, my parents packed their bags
and took me to Chennai. My dad did not have a job then. They first
enrolled me in the school. The then headmistress and principal, Ms
Saraswati Narayanaswamy and Ms Rajalakshmi respectively, were very
kind hearted and also strict at the same time. They agreed to put me in
the school for free. I joined Balavidyalaya in June 1990.
I was trained in Balavidyalaya for five years. It was a struggle and
my parents worked very hard with me. The way of training in
Balavidyalaya is different from normal schools. They taught us words
directly without introducing us to the alphabets. They made us use the
best of our hearing aids. The teachers were very strict but also warm and
loving. I had three more classmates who were being trained along with
me. My mother used to constantly discuss with their parents during the
school hours. My parents also used to take me out to the beach every
weekend so as to facilitate my training. Every day they used to make me
sit with them and make me learn all the words. She used to keep
dictations for me.

...
36

It was only for my sake that my mother learnt English. Since, it

is difficult for a hearing challenged person to learn two languages at the
same time; they decided to keep only one language for me- English.
Most people, when they talk to a hearing challenged person,
think that there is a problem with his/her voice. They assume it to be
more of a problem with the vocal cords rather than hearing. However,
this notion is wrong. In actuality, every child first starts hearing sounds
at quite a young age and then starts reproducing them at a later stage.
This is how speech develops. But if there is no proper hearing, the child
is not able to learn new sounds to mimic. As a result, the speech is also
not developed properly. Thus, it is very crucial and of utmost
importance that the hearing problem be identified in a child as early as
possible after birth.
Another most common problem is learning a second language.
A hearing challenged person mostly depends on the combination of lip
movements and hearing through aids, to hear and talk to others. If that
person depends on hearing alone, then they miss out many things. As a
result, while trying to depend on audio devices like TV, tape recorder
and telephone, the person misses out a lot. Unlike normal children who
can pick up a new language easily by being exposed to hearing it daily, it
is not the case with hearing challenged persons. This is the reason why
we find it difficult to pick up a new language easily. The most annoying
part is, when people ask us why we do not know our mother tongue and
misjudge our knowledge for the English language alone as arrogance.
The five years of hard work paid off. In June 1995 we moved
back to Hyderabad where I was admitted directly into the second
standard of Sherwood Public School, ICSE/ISC. It was the beginning of
another journey of my life. I remained in the school for 11 years till
12th. I passed out of the school in April 2006.

...
37

After completing my schooling, I joined St. Francis College for

Women, Hyderabad and enrolled in the B.Sc. BZC course. In the
second year of B.Sc., I started attending coaching classes for JAM. I gave
the JAM entrance in May 2009 and cleared the entrance test. I joined
IIT in August 2009, in the M.Sc. Chemistry course. It was a new phase
of my life since I would be staying away from home for the first time. At
first I was alarmed that most of my classmates were Bengali and I had
doubts as to whether I would get along with them. But soon, my fears
were put to rest as I started gradually warming to them.
These two years at IIT have been a great learning experience. I
feel lucky to be working with esteemed professors and brilliant students.
It is less than a month before I leave IIT. But like every phase of life, this
too shall pass and before I realize I'll be busy elsewhere. Wherever I go,
the memories of IIT will always remain with me.
My life has been full of twists and turns but it has taught me
many things along the way. Among the most important things it has
taught me is to have faith in myself and God. If one believes in self, one
can do anything and if they have the will power, nothing can stop them
from achieving their ambitions.

About the author: Mahita J is pursuing her M.Sc. in Chemistry. Bubbly and
enthusiastic, she loves meeting new people. In her own words, I believe in living
life by my own rules because I alone know what it is like to be me. No one can
fill my shoes. She writes at www.chroniclesoflife.blogspot.com.

...
38

Just One Slap

Naman Somani
For starters, I bow down to thee for unconsciously choosing to
browse through my story. I am Naman and I'm one of the 7 members of
the (in)famous Saras gang. We are known for our fanatical and
maddening expeditions rather than for our intellect. And thats what
sets us apart from the rest. You may ask, whats so special? A bunch of
college friends hanging around here and there. Well yes, we did hang
around. The only difference was that our hangouts were as diverse as the
animal kingdom. It ranged from saving some one's life in the dangerous
Cauvery, to asking out 70-odd girls for a single dance workshop. From
giving a chase to police on a motorcycle, to being accused by cyber crime
department of hacking a girl's Gmail account. From having a bath at the
rocky beach in Pondy at 2 A.M., to being almost trampled to death by a
scared elephant at the Mudumalai Tiger Reserve. But from where did
we get so much of nerve and passion to tread the unknown path? Where
did it all start? Well, read on...
First year at IITM. First Saarang. Had never seen such a huge
crowd of people, or should I put it like had never seen so many girls in
the Insti! I, along with a bunch of friends, was relishing every sight and
sound of the Saarang when our group bumped into some sly seniors.
Oh damn, dont think of the devil and he would still be there!
Nevertheless, we meekly greeted them and waited for them to unleash
their terror upon us. However, to our surprise, they smiled even more
and said, Dont be scared. We are not gonna rag you today. How about
a bet? We remained rooted to the ground, with bulging eyes ogling at
their faces. What are they talking about? A bet? That too with juniors!
What if we win and they lose? They would become the laughing stock of
the insti and we would become instant heroes. But I was suddenly
pulled away from my sweet reverie when one of the seniors, pointing at

...
39

a girl, whispered, You see that Red Bull Sales girl. Yeah that fair one.
All you have to do is to slap her hard in public and you will find a crisp
Rs 1000 note in your pocket! Thats all! Pretty straight forward bet, isnt
it? I thought, You must be joking. Slap an unknown girl in front of
hundreds of people? Thats IMPOSSIBLE. But then the seniors were
definitely not joking. At that very instant I knew that there had to be a
loophole in this offer. After all, the seniors too were IITians and they
made sure that everything was a win-win situation for them. We were
just thinking how to wriggle out of the tight spot when one of the big
guys phone rang and both of them hurriedly left us.
All of us took a deep breath and decided to disappear in the
opposite direction as soon as we could. We were soon absorbed by the
enlivening carnival again and the smile didnt fade from our faces until
someone asked, Wheres Anand? Miraculously, the next second we
heard his voice, SOMEONE SAVE ME!! We looked in the direction
where it was coming from and were dumbfounded by what we saw.
Anand was literally hanging in air, at the mercy of a super human who
had grabbed his neck by one hand. We ran to the spot and the fastest
among us crashed into the human giant. Bad timing as the giant caught
the other guy with his free hand and flung him far into oblivion. Even
so, we all gathered around him and started begging him to let Anand
down, thinking hard at the same time about what had happened. Deaf
to our pleadings, he kept on shouting, throwing a copious amount of
spit upon Anands face, How dare you? How did you even think of
touching my girl friend? I am not going to spare you. You IITians are
bullshit. I am going to report this to your Dean. Dean! DISCO!
Noooo! We could see Anand desperately trying to free himself, Its not
my fault. My seniors told me to do so. Please leave me. The seniors, as I
learnt later, saw everything happening from a distance and took to their
heels as soon as they saw Anand being airlifted. We continued with our
earnest persuasion till some Saarang cores came running to the spot and

...
40

rescued Anand. They even managed to convince the boyfriend as to

not to report anything to the Dean and thus we were saved from the
dreadful DISCO.
What had apparently happened, as Anand amusingly narrated
to us later, was that Anand took the bet seriously and thought of
earning some quick buck. He approached the Red Bull girl, and made a
deal: He would give her 500 bucks if she allows him to slap her in
public. The girl was sporty; she agreed. But before they could carry out
the experiment, her possessive boyfriend spotted his girl with our friend
and the rest is history. But to me, the only thing that mattered was that
we didnt have DISCO in our very first year of IITM.

About the author: Naman Pizza Somani, a Dual Degree student in the
Engineering Design Department is deeply attached to his roots, be it his hostel,
Saras or his home-state Rajasthan (Mhara Ghar!). With a not so great opinion
about Chennai climate, he likes being a part of crazy things and sometimes
records them at http://dalbatichoorma.blogspot.com/.

...
41

Grounded!
Anonymous
Usually, final exam for laboratory courses are short, written
tests. But that particular semester, our department had started the
tradition of having hands-on tests, i.e. performing the experiments in
front of Profs. We were to choose the experiments by lottery. To my
immense relief, I got an experiment that was very basic, which any
IITian could do with his eyes closed. We were split into two batches and
I was in the second batch. I was counting on the person who was doing
the experiment before me to leave the apparatus arranged, so that I
would be spared the effort. 10 mins, max and you are outta here boy! I
muttered to myself. High on confidence, I strutted around humming a
tune.
Things never happen the way you want them to. As I walked to
my table, I saw that the apparatus was dismantled and that I had no clue
how to set it up. I had not paid attention in the class and I felt myself
paying for it very dearly. I had come in with the hope that I would be
able to copy the procedure from someone else. I glanced around and
saw B hunched up by his table. Wishing with all my heart that the
procedure would come to me, I tried to set up the apparatus. I
connected one thing to another and finally, I was left with just one
device. It was small, cubical device with a few switches, a wire and two-
pin plug and had a name-tag Accelerometer. I had no clue what I was
supposed to do with it. Hoping that all would turn out well, I plugged it
into the socket and switched it on. There was a black-out on the whole
floor!
Accelerometer actually runs on batteries and the plug is
provided to charge the batteries using DC. I had connected it to the
normal 220V, 50 Hz AC supply. Yes, I realized it a bit too late. The
Prof, who was putting peace in his room, came running and shouted at
...
42

me for five whole minutes. The TA later confessed to me with a sly

smile that even he had been wondering what the plug was for. At the
same time, I saw B grin in front of me. Arre yaar, thanks. I was about
to do the same. You saved me da! One mans sorrow is often another
mans joy!
The story does not end here. One by one, everyone screwed
me. The TA, the Prof, the Head of the lab, the course coordinator and
the HoD. For a week, I was completely occupied with the interesting
task of shuttling between professors rooms, to be chided and to be
repeatedly reminded that the accelerometer was worth Rs. 1 lakh. I was
asked to pay a huge fine which kept on decreasing with each such
session (till it became zilch). Slowly, I think I learnt, in the way Edison
would have, What not to do with an Accelerometer.

Editors note: We wish we had had this adventure. We would have surely
owned it and boasted about it.

...
43

In the Heaven
Anitha B. Raja
Getting high might be just another expression for you all. But when we
say we want to get high, we literally mean it. Our idea of a fun Friday
night did not include pubs, late night partying and stuff that youngsters
are expected to do. For us it was all about that rush of adrenaline as we
sneaked past the security guards, suppressing giggles and guffaws and
climbing the metal staircases that lead to our very own pseud hangout in
the insti, the BT (Bio-technology) rooftop. Star-gazing, arbit fart sessions,
endless card games and some grub to go with it. If there ever was a
heaven on earth it was this, our haven.
That particular Friday of our 3rd year is a tad more memorable
than the others. It was around 3 am; Sapeksh, Virus (Surya), Bcube,
(Anirudh), Shweta and Swati had already started on a game of poker
and were waiting for Phani (Katrina) and me to join the party. We
successfully managed to escape the vigilant guards once again and this
brilliant idea strikes my IIT brain. I share it with Phani. He was all game
for it, even a bit over-enthu if I may say so. We then tried desperately to
control our laughter as we climbed the metal staircases making sure that
our footsteps can be heard. Meanwhile, on the rooftop they were
halfway through the game of poker and Virus as usual messaged Preeti,
pleading her to make a particular move. Bcubes ever alert ears picked
up our footsteps and he pressed his finger to his lips urging the others to
keep their mouths shut. With stealthy steps they hid behind the tank.
Phani puts up a sudden display of his acting prowess and he speaks
rustic Hindi, imitating the guards Upar kya chal raha hain? Kaun hain
wahan? I hit on the railings making a ruckus.
There was a resounding silence only to be punctured by Preeti's
phone informing her merrily that You have a new message. A cold
shudder went down their spines. Hearts thumping, the four of them
...
44

stood like guilty schoolboys awaiting punishment. A million things go

through Bcube's mind and he was resolved to get his ass out of this
mess. Unsure of what to do next, to add to their fear, we waited at the
foot of the stairs. Just then Bcubes head came into view. He tried to
gauge the height, to make sure that he was not trading his life and his
'calculating' gaze fell on us. His expression changed instantaneously
from that of a helpless waif to a cold-blooded villain. He showered us
with curses in all languages he was proficient in. Three bewildered faces
appeared alongside the murderous, cursing face. As soon as they saw us
laughing, they joined his party and lavished curse upon curse on us.
Soon we were all safe in our haven, the BT rooftop, laughing over the
whole episode. As we hugged our worries away, another worry ate into
us. Would such a moment ever chance upon us again?

About the author: Anitha B. Raja, a Dual Degree student in the Department
of Naval Architecture, is a fun-loving and a hip-hop dancing creature. Chicken
and chocolates are never spared whenever she is around. According to her, "This
campus has given a lot to me; it has been a home, a friend, an experience. How I
have grown here and the times I have had are things that I will treasure forever."

...
45

Twice Bitten
Editors pick
Nobody ever wants to go to class. No one in IIT Madras does,
anyway. If there was no such thing as an attendance requirement or if
ones HoD would not instantly chop the attendance, handicapped into
six using a hacksaw, you can bet your bottom fifty paise, that no one
would attend classes. However, as is common knowledge, Insti junta are
not used to taking anything lying down. They still try to evade the
occasional class or two and indulge in leisure and rest.
Dixcy was one such person in the Civil Engineering
department. If one trusts the word of his associates, when it comes to
bunking classes, he was a giant amongst men. Where others bunked
classes citing medical conditions, he flouted all authority and bunked at
will. To cut it short, he sincerely believed in the maxim- A little sincerity
is a dangerous thing and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.
Dixcy specialized in bunking labs, for they were the species of
class most likely to induce lethargy and drowsiness. Set in the hours
between 2 and 5 in the afternoon, the very mention of a lab would have
Dixcy snoring away like there was no tomorrow. This habit of bunking
labs was especially prevalent in one slot, where the professor happened
to be an old and stooping figure who had a tough time figuring out one
student from the other. This compulsive obsessive bunking disorder
caused a huge dent in Dixcys attendance registers and he was duly
summoned by the professor.After the due warning and an exhortation
to attend all of the remaining classes, Dixcy was let off.
Dixcy was not the one to shake like a leaf at the mere words of a
professor. The next day, the clock struck 2 and the rest of his class went
for the lab. However, Dixcy was not one to follow the herd. The very
thought of rotting away three hours in a lab gave him the heebie-jeebies.

...
46

As the rest of the junta made their way to the lab, Dixcy sauntered off to
Campus Cafe. Having placed order for coffee and some scrumptious
dosa, Dixcy sat leisurely in a chair, like a man bereft of all troubles.
Shakespeare once wrote- From that spring, whence comfort
seemed to come, discomfort swells. As Dixcy sat in his throne, thinking
sweet thoughts, walks in the very professor whose lab Dixcy had bunked.
At first, Dixcy did not believe his eyes. He pinched himself and then
rubbed his eyes vigorously. Realising that this was no hallucination, he
jumped a good six inches in shock. The professor placed his order and
looked about for a seat to sit in. As fate would have it, he spotted the
cowering and crouching Dixcy.
Needless to say, Dixcy landed in some hot, boiling water that
day. To add insult to injury, the next day in class, the professor
recounted the incident to the whole class. The whole class was in
raptures and the professor was swelling with pride upon the discovery of
his skills as a raconteur when he noticed that his protagonist, Dixcy was
peacefully asleep in the last bench.

About the protagonist: D Krishna Dixcy Chaitanya, is a B. Tech. student

of the Civil Engineering Department. His friends consider him a wild boar
because of his habit of beating people while greeting them. He loves programming
and writing new algorithms and logics.

...
47

An Exchange Experience
Andreas Leitner
Ah! Youre from IIT Madras? How did you pass the admission
test?!? Thats what Indian people often ask us, on our travels, when
they hear we are Indian students. And I have to answer: Im only an
exchange student; we dont have to take the test.
It is especially funny to the some faces when we, obvious
foreigners, get the Indian ticket price at special tourist attractions (for
those, who dont know, foreigners pay an increased price, eg. for the Taj
Mahal). But owners of the IIT identity card are treated like Indian
citizens, and this is very nice! In the past few months, I have got to know
a lot about this country, but I remember the beginnings very well.
When I came here, I did not know anything except some
historical facts, geography, culture and such facts. The problem is they
do not feed you on the ground details of the country! To be honest, for
me as a German, the differences in eating were very big. Probably, I have
never eaten so less meat than here in India.
So on the first day, I thought I would try Tifanys, a good
restaurant on the campus, which is like a private mess. The menu card
promises an interesting meal, simply because I do not know what is
meant by Paneer Butter Masala Butter Naan etc.
Fortunately some other foreigners are sitting there, having
lunch too. They start laughing when they see my weird face and
recommend the limited meal for an Indian food starter like me. For
my first real meal in India I like it quite much, although my mouth and
my tongue burn for at least one hour after that. At that moment I laugh
about my problems with spicy food in Germanythats nothing
compared to a good Indian meal!

...
48

Same day I move to my hostel and first thing I ask myself is:
Why are all windows covered with steel fences? My question is answered
the very next minute, when a little monkey runs awaywith MY coke
bottle in his hands! What I did not know at that moment: This would
not be my last meeting with animals for the day.
But first I check my room. Ok, in a way I am a little bit
surprised as nobody had told me that there is nothing in the rooms, so I
have to be creative. Fortunately Gurunaths supermarket on campus
seems to know what newcomers need and they sell it at acceptable
prices. Back in hostel I am the owner of a mattress and other useful
stuff.
A sound! Strange, you have never heard something like that
before. Is it a birdno could rather be a cathmm... I know Indian cats
make the same noise as the Germans, but what the hell? Suddenly at
that moment a small lizard appears from behind the mirror and I am
lucky to not swallow my tooth-brush!
Now, after spending a semester here, I can say I have got used to
all the new things. I am pretty sure I will miss a lot of things when I
am back in Germany. IIT was for sure a really great time for me and I
especially learned that you should always be willing to experience
something new. So if you are interested in spending an exchange
semester in another country, do that!!
If you come to Europe, at least you will not be terrorized by
monkeys and geckos! ;-)

About the author: Andreas Leitner aka Andy, is a German native who came
to IIT Madras as a part of a semester exchange program. He is majoring in
Industrial Engineering.

...
49

Who Guards the Guard?

Anonymous
The hunt for hot girls had just begun in my first semester and I
had a huge crush on a certain A who was the hottest girl in our class.
We used to hang out a lot and she took to liking me. By the end of
August, we started dating each other. One moonlit night, we were on
the hunt for the perfect place to be. The stadium seemed inviting, an
answer for our quest. In the vast emptiness that engulfs the stadium at
night we sought to sitting, right at the centre of the stadium, next to the
cricket pitch. Bad Decision!
Even though there was hardly any light except for the
moonlight, we were blatantly visible. We had just settled down when we
saw two figures approaching us from the distance. I was cursing our luck
and to add to my worries, the guy turned out to be a guard and he asked
us, Kya kar rahe the? (What were you doing?) I could not think of any
better and intelligent way of answering other than, Aise hi bhaiyya
(simply). He was in no mood to let go; he repeated, Kar kya rahe the?
Trying to act smart I retorted, Bhaiyya jo karte hain wohi kar rahe the. (I
was doing what everyone also does, brother.)
I think he didnt like my reply, ID card do. (Give me your ID
card.)
All that I managed to blurt out was, Bhaiyya, nahi hai. (I do
not have it.)
The guard gleefully ordered, Chalo mere saath CSO ke paas.
(Come with me to the CSO- Chief Security Officer.)
A, who had been silent all the while tried to appeal to the
brother that is in every Indian mans heart, Bhaiyya, jaane do, phir se
nahi karenge. (Let us go, we will not repeat it.)
...
50

Seeing her trying to get us out of this mess, I felt I was being
irresponsible. And I asked her to go back to the hostel, assuring her that
the entire situation was under control, whereas, apparently it was not.
She left and I remained with the two guards.
A universal solution seemed quite appealing to me.
Bhaiyya, aap mere saath chalo, kuch settle kar lete hain. (Please
come with me, we will settle something.)
The guard shook his head, putting up the pretense of being a
satyavaan (the righteous being).
Aap chalo toh sahi, I whispered mere paas 400 Rs hain. (Come
with me, I have 400 rupees with me.)
The guard seemed to stick to his morals, -Nahi!
I decided to raise the bar a bit, 500?
Hmm! Nahi!
Final rate 700.
The guard smiled and gave in.
Mere room chalo, abhi pocket mein nahi hai. (Come to my room.
I do not have the money with me now.)
Chalo
The guard agreed to stay shut about the whole incident. At
around 2:30 AM, we got to my room and found that I had no cash. So,
I banged my neighbors door, woke him up, took the cash and gave it to
the guard. The guard, obviously hit by greed, started demanding for
more. In sheer desperation, I put in an extra hundred bucks.
After the guard went, I called A and told her about what had
happened. She was scared to death. I hung up and went to KK. I woke

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51

him up and told him what had happened. Maybe, still dazed from being
woken up and told about a girl, a guard and money, he might have got
the story wrong. He said, sounding like a Supreme Court judge giving
his verdict, The guard is not supposed to take money.
Yeah! You are right.
I still doubt if we had both been high when he told me, Let us
go, get the guard. and I subscribed to his crazy scheme.
We went to the entrance of the stadium and asked the night-
duty guard where the other guard was. He was reported to have gone
inside the stadium, perhaps hoping to find someone else, and get a
chance to make more money. We went there and spotted the guard.
KK, like a true champion charged towards the guard and asked
head on, Aapne isse bribe liya?(Did you accept a bribe from this
person?)
All flustered, the guard retorted, Par ye toh stadium main ladki ke
saath tha. (But he was in the stadium with a girl.)
KK was all ablaze, Toh? Apna ID card do, main tumhari report kar
raha hun, bribe lene ke liye. (So? Give me your ID card, I will report on
you for taking a bribe.)
Finding himself in a tight spot, the guard surrendered, Nahi
bhaiyya! Aisa mat karo, yeh lo paise wapas. (No, brother! Do not do so.
Here, you can have the money back.)
I took the money and came back with a big smile What a
night I wondered Thanks KK

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52

Quizzing at IITM: 2006-2011

Raghav Iyengar
Quizzing at IITM in one word, if I may, is esoteric. Screw it! I
wont put it in one word. Ill take two more. Lets make them a) Trippy,
b) Humbling. Ive not been amongst the top quizzers in insti to be very
frank but more or less, have been a LitSoc enthusiast and thus, been to
almost all the LitSoc quizzes at least (as a participant or finalist). So I
suppose I can take full freedom to pen down some thoughts about it.
So what makes Quizzing at IITM esoteric? Well, the weird tastes
of the quiz masters personal quirks and the famed LVCs (Long Visual
Connects), which is more or less a trademark of IITM, something which
top quizzers from outside the campus also acknowledge. Well, why go
outside for testimonies, when one inside the campus, attending a Lit-Soc
quiz for the first time remarked thus You know what, I feel so dumb
that I have not seen Coppola or Warhols works so closely that people
here can connect stuff related to their d***s as well if it were possible. I
am sure, something of that has already happened, or maybe such quizzes
can also psyche out junta really bad (Did anyone say MA101?)
What makes it trippy Here, Ill cite my own experiences of
having almost a standard team for any quiz in insti (barring the
academic ones) and of course, an almost standard set of opponents, if
I may. Let me start with my team. Apart from me, theres a pre-
pubescent chap, who buys a Mach 3 razor despite having close to zilch
facial hair; whos so famous for attracting trips to himself that there are
singers, dogs, dolphins, ice-cream shops et al named after him. If that
werent enough, we feel hes got a talent for being a stand-up comedian-
if he stands up on stage, junta will automatically laugh at him! The other
teammate, is from Bangalore and for some reason can make statements
like iTransvestite, will actually carry a towel to a Lit-Soc quiz by taking
the IP too seriously (and actually wear it around him in public!), and can
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53

somehow crack really really bad PJs (and coming from yours truly, you
can realize how bad they can be). So mix these two with a person like me
youve got a team which will get laughed at, no matter what, in any
quiz. And now consider our opponents. One of the teams will have a
long-haired guy, nay, PhD candidate, who can transform into a
murderer within nano-seconds, if one even takes a blade like object
within a few inches of his locks (Yours truly thus claims to have a near
death experience). Then there are teams with comic freaks, who make
you feel really old compared to them, when they literally drool on comic
book covers, as though it gives them a high of sorts.. Then of course,
there are freshies at times who make you feel like idiots, when they can
crack sitters and the pessimist in our team would ask us Why do we
want to be thrashed by freshies? Lets pack and mug for our A slot
quizzes instead! (Needless to say, this pessimist is from Elec) And if all
of the above still dont convince you, I wont try to. Ill just ask one to
attend a Lit-Soc quiz finals, if not a Saarang one. Period.
And last but not the least, an Insti quiz is a humbling
experience, at least personally speaking. It reveals how vastly ignorant
one can be and proves an old adage about how much ever we may
know, its still not enough. Its also humbling considering the quality of
participants it has been attracting for ages. There have been stalwarts
like PoTA, BoFI to name quite a few, who are legends in their own
right, about whom anything said is less than sufficient. And quizzing
with them, clearly shows how much one needs to catch up with every
time. I suppose, if theres inertia for one to quiz, beating such stalwarts
is an incentive and a force sufficient to drive ones Wiki-ing engines.
Not to mention the prize money that follows. Rumour has it that one of
the oldest quizzers in insti, has made up to 1 Lakh in prize money
from quizzing alone, over the past 5 years*. Neat, innit?
(* Theres a rumour that the same quizzer has run the 100 m in under
11 seconds. So believe it at your own risk! )
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54

About the author: Raghav MRI Iyengar, a Dual Degree student in the
Department of Mechanical Engineering, is the bane of the world, especially
Jamuna hostel, ever since he started having fun with puns, at others' expense. As
an occupational hazard of being a Shaastra Sponsorship Core, he can tend to
give an opinion on anything and everything in the world. Hence, his words and
his blog (mirror-of-the-erised.blogspot.com) need to be taken with a pinch of salt
and if possible, a shot of tequila as well.

*******
And No Regrets!
After studying for 5 hours for today's exam, he slept at 4:30 am
for 10 hours. Dont worry, the exam was not in the morning. When he
woke up at 2:30 pm for the 3:00 pm exam, he ran to the bog, brushed
his teeth and jumped on his cycle. On the way he fell from the cycle in
mud. He looked at his pants and was confused to see a big white patch
on it, because you know, mud is brown in colour. As he touched that
white patch, he realized that it is toothpaste that got squeezed out of the
tube. At that point, he also realized that he had forgotten his calculator.
He was in way too much of hurry to care about the patch and his
toothpaste and decided to go without a calculator. He finally managed
to reach the examination hall on time and took the answer sheet. After
taking the answer sheet, he took out his pen from his pocket to write
the exam. As he started writing his name, he realized that it is not his
pen but his toothbrush and also that he is about to get screwed in this
exam without a pen and a calculator. He borrowed a pen from the
invigilator and somehow wrote the exam. Yes, he did get raped in the
exam and is not expecting more than average. But he is more than
satisfied with the whole episode because he is the Alumni Affairs
Secretary of the Insti and has a new incident to contribute to this book
of memories.

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55

Friends for Life

Rajat Tasgaonkar
All that time we spent together
Are memories to be cherished forever
Those late night chats will always rock
CCD, Mess, Tifanys
Guru, Campus cafe or Basera
The sip of coffee taken together
Will always be remembered no matter
How long will it take to gather
FBing, Tweeting all the time
Searching some new masala
To add soda in lime
Lighting the sutta, holding the lighter
Till the laughter bursts out in tears
Cramming for exams, those nite-outs
Sharing food and what not
Be it Sangam or common room
Cricket, hockey or footer
Hooting and rooting while watching match
Making that start right from scratch
This is what friends are meant for
To keep our secrets for life long
To always bring smile on our face
No matter even if they separate in the race.

About the author: Rajat Taz Tasgaonkar is a Dual Degree student in the
Dept. of Chemical Engg. A die-hard fan of cricket, this resident of Alak loves
travelling, has a keen interest in chess and photography and is a self confessed
foodie. He blogs at www.rajattaz.blogspot.com.

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56

An Ethical Scam
Surbhi Maheshwari
Professional Ethics (ProE) course is a compulsory course for all
undergraduate students at IIT Madras.
To have fun in an otherwise monotonous lecture with very poor
attendance, on a particular Tuesday of November, Leela and I came up
with a plan. Read on to know the stud plan, as put up by Leela (credit:
Her blog- http://leela-aarthy.blogspot.com). And read further to know
about the studder counter plans our classmates came up with.
What happens when a certain agent L and a certain agent S
put two and two together? The result is four, no doubt, but with an
incredible mission and a mischievous smile. The day was perfect for
what they had in mind. Two A4 sheets and a pen were all the weapons
they needed and the middle page of the days newspaper served as
camouflage for the same.
Agent S thought it would be wise to write the column details
before heading to war and agent L nodded. Sl. no., name, roll no. and
sign were the chosen columns and with that, half the work was done.
They made sure they kept their calm all along lest someone should
doubt something was fishy. Since agent L is known to take the middle
page of the paper along to every ProE class and PPT alike, nobody shot a
second glance at the weapons they were smuggling in. They were nearing
the war zone.
The roughly 20 students present in the hall made it seem
impossible to carry out the task at hand without being caught for the
same. This way and that, they analyzed the case. The decision was finally
made to go ahead with the mission. The next question was how. How
about entering the class along with the professor and sneaking the sheet
to the ones on the last row? It was too late for that because the professor
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57

was already there! How about faking a re-entry into the hall and sitting
on the last row? There were too few students to pull that off. How about
just passing it along from where they were? It would be impossible to
convince anyone that it wasnt a fake sheet.
A few minutes later, the agents decided to go ahead with the
most risky, yet most satisfying, option; the third one. There were two
sets of students to choose from; the electricians and the mechanics. The
mechanics won solely because the agents didnt know who they were.
The agents asked for a pen from the row of mechanics behind them
saying that they had to sign the attendance sheet. Unbelievable though
it may seem, it worked. The fake attendance sheets were being passed
with more and more authenticity associated to them with every
signature that was put and every SMS that was sent to those who were
absent. The mission was a success. The agents high-5ed, rather low-5ed,
in appreciation.
One row, two rows, the sheets were moving fast and soon, it
had reached the crowd on the other side of the class. A few minutes
later, the professor, quite unexpectedly, decided that attendance would
be taken! Was it a divine turn of events so that the agents wouldnt get
caught or had the professor noticed the A4 sheets making their rounds
around class? That, well never know.
Rest of the story:
Because of the messages everyone was shooting to the people
not present, the lecture hall soon had over 200 students. The professor
did not even bother to collect the attendance sheets in the end. He
simply said: Objective fulfilled, everyone came to the class. Leela and I
wish we had kept the sheets with us as a proof of an achievement.
What made us give our plan out finally is yet another story. We
both did our bit of good-and-caring-friends by messaging 5-6 people each
a crisp: Attendance in ProE class. Inform others. I got replies to the
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58

tone of: Thank you, while Leela received: I dont care, Why dont
you put a proxy for me?, I already know etc. The contrast in
responses irritated her and she announced after the class that it was a
fake attendance call and that they should all thank us for it as prof
finally called a proper attendance. The blog post followed.
Came end semester exams for all and placements for BTechs of
our batch. ProE was forgotten. Well, not really.
One fine winter morning, while I was enjoying the warm
sunshine at my Gran Mas place, far from any net connection, Vani calls
me and says: ProE results are out. I failed. Leela failed. AAS failed.
CoAS failed. You have passed. We were both in a shock, I tried to chill
her down and we started thinking logically. Vani needed only 19 marks
out of 60 to pass the course (we both had got 2nd highest score in the
midterm exam, 31 out of 40 and 50 was the passing line). Getting
anything less than 20 was impossible given that we had even put a bet
on who would finish the exam the fastest and 15 minute was the
maximum time any of us in a group of 5 had taken. Rational thinking
resulted in us concluding that calling the professor directly is the best
way out.
In the mean while, the thread of mails on which grades had
been posted was growing exponentially in length. Anxious queries were
flying around. They got settled soon as Vani came to know from the
prof that the grades were not yet out. Then started the process of
finding out the culprits. Leela had managed to sleep through whole of
this at her home.
In a proper detective manner, BP1 and BP2 of Elec came up
with the explanation: The mail had been sent by an id
[email protected] whereas id of the actual person was
[email protected]. Also, in the fwds list, the hyperlink actually led
to a certain Sabus email rather than the name being displayed. The
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59

culprits were soon out in the air. They admitted that the attendance
scam and joblessness after having got placed had led to their actions. To
make it sensational news, they had decided to fail most of the girls and
most of the institute positions holders.
Leela kept fighting around questioning why only she had been
failed and I had been passed. Apparently, people could not believe that I
could do such a mischief (yes, am so innocent) and mistook Leela and
Vani (Srivani- Agent S) to have been the trouble creators. Finally the
results came out a week later and yes, you are correct, none of the
electricians at least had failed.

*******
Deflated
After reading Five Point Someone, I was curious about how
things ran in IIT. It was my second day after my dad had left. That
evening, in Tapti quadrangle, I saw three 3rd years, Rasila, Ghajni and
one more guy. Like a pompous champ filled with pride over clearing
JEE I went and asked on their faces Yahan ragging waggin nahi hoti
kya?
They replied, Saale tu chahta hai ki hum ragging karein?
Me: Haan karo meri ragging, abhi!
Rasila: Beta tu room par aa freshie meeting ke baad.
And the rest, as they say, is history.

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60

Missed Call
Anitha B. Raja
It is a fine Thursday morning. As I step out of my room I notice
that something or rather someone is missing. Surekha! I find the door
to her room, half open and her on the bed, snuggling under the covers.
I scream at her, Do you know that we have a class at 9? D slot? Bleary
eyed, she looks at me and delivers her first words of wisdom for the day,
Flu Mech da! Put Peace! She takes her time getting ready and we reach
the class late, even by insti standards. The prof has a pained expression
on his face as he lets us in. We were the two most prickly thorns in his
flesh. All he could do was suffer, ignore and at the max crib.
The very purpose of the Flu-Mech class is to catch up on the
latest news all around us. We take to this task diligently by keeping an
incessant flow of conversation going. Once in a while we do feel guilty
of this disturbance that we 'might' be causing to the class, that is when
we text and ace at playing all the games that are on our mobiles.
Exasperated and worn out after putting such pseud fundaes for a
whole hour, the Prof would ask Did you understand the concept?
Surekha would be the first one to say, 'Yes'. On one such occasion when
her strong nod was an overdo, the prof said sadly, wiping his sweating
forehead I know that you have not understood, you also know the
same. Mild drubbings rarely have any effect on hardened rocks like us.
Another fine day, Surekha was joyfully pursuing her routine
activities: texting friends whom she had been out of touch with and
playing bingo as and when she took a break from this strenuous
activity. Just then I felt the air thicken; the people who were sitting
behind us fell silent. To see what the cause of such abnormal behavior
was, I turned my head a bit to find the prof looking directly at Surekha.
She didnt have any clue that he had been watching her for the last few
minutes. I nudged her as she had given no indication of taking her
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61

fingers off the keypad. Surekha looked at me and said, How many
times have I told you not to.... and her voice trailed off as she saw the
prof's face looming over us. In the shock of the moment, she threw her
mobile away. The mobile rocketed towards the prof and narrowly
missed him, landing near his foot. Surekha bent down to pick it up. Her
hands were sweating from all the tension or maybe she had serious
problems with picking up objects from the floor (about which I had no
clue about); every time she tried to pick it up, the phone dropped again.
The prof, with an expression of defeat in his eyes, took the phone calmly
from the floor and handed it over to her continuing with the class.
Often we look back and exclaim with disbelief That was the
prof!

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62

From a Wardens Diary

Prof. G Srinivasan
Here I am going to talk about my experiences as Warden of
Jamuna Hostel a position that I would cherish forever. I was the
warden during Sep 2003 to Sep 2006 and interacted with seven batches
during the period.
Finally it comes
I had always wanted to become a warden. This thought should
have come because of my close interactions with Prof TTN and Prof
LSG both whom were very popular wardens. Very early in 1993, when I
had hardly served the institute for three years (I was a Lecturer then),
the Narmada students wanted to suggest my name as warden. I politely
rejected the request simply because it was too early. A senior colleague
also told me that I should concentrate on teaching and research since it
was still early days.
In 94-95 when Prof LSG completed his term as warden Jamuna,
he had listed my name as one of the choices from the students. My O.R
class that year had about 40 students from Mechanical Engg who lived
in Jamuna. The Dean felt that I was too lenient (which was why my
name was perhaps suggested) and did not consider me.
The third time was when Prof SC Choudhary suggested my
name for Ganga and this was also not considered. GS did become
Ganga warden, but it was (late) Prof G Sundararajan.
Finally in August 2003, Prof Idichandy called me and asked me
if I could become a warden. I told him I would like a UG hostel and he
replied Jamuna. The hostel was very famous for sports and got a
warden who played only carom board and cards in his life!

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63

My Schroeter enthu
During the period I was the warden Jamuna was consistently
winning the Schroeter. In my first year as warden I had no idea about
the importance attached to the events. We had with us the institute
sports secretary and perhaps among the best athletes the institute had.
The students asked me to come for the Gymknana day function which
also featured the 3 a side volleyball match between Ganga and Jamuna.
Jamuna was comfortably placed at 19-15 in the third and deciding set
and single-handedly from there, Piyush won it 21-19. I was quite happy
lifting the trophy since I have not even won a single sports medal in my
life.
In my second year I decided to put enthu for Schroeter and
decided to be part of the cheering squad. The first footer match I
attended to cheer, we lost to Godavari. The only cricket match I went to
see, we lost. I decided not to continue my enthu since I was turning out
to be an unlucky mascot for Jamuna. Either because of my luck or
because we missed the best athlete due to injury, Jamuna did not win
the Schroeter.
In my third year as warden, we had perhaps the most
disorganized sports secretary. We were way behind in the points. We
had absolutely no hope of winning and all the die hard sports fans had
given up. From somewhere out of the blue came the cricket gold from
the MBAs and Jamuna won the Schroeter.
Holi
The hostel life in IIT Madras is incomplete unless you have
been part of the Holi celebration. During the early years (1993-95)
students would come as a group to my house and apply colour on us
(About 30-40 Narmada guys turned up in 1993). Somehow over the
years the students visiting faculty homes during holi (at least my home)
reduced.
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64

My first holi as warden coincided with a hostel management

meeting and I went to the hostel before attending the meeting. Since I
was well dressed and was going for the meeting, I was spared with a
couple of tilaks in my forehead.
The 2005 holi was different. Most of the fifth and sixth wing
students knew that I was coming in the morning and for about 15
minutes we had a more respectful holi with only the tilak in my
forehead. I also went to the ninth wing (rooms 401 to 432) which was
the MBA wing and suddenly found a full bucket of water poured from
behind. And then the fun began for 20 minutes, at the end of which no
one could recognize me.
From Jamuna I went to Saras to meet Srikanth. I could enter
easily because nobody could recognize me. On seeing me Srikanth ran
away since I was threatening to touch him. While coming back home,
some colleagues could not recognize me as I greeted them. I think they
managed to recognize me because of my scooter.
The unsolved syringes
One morning the office staff informed me that they found a
used syringe near the football goal post in the hostel. The syringe also
had a brown substance in it which has been left behind. Initially we
ignored it thinking that the monkeys would have got them from
somewhere. When the third syringe appeared in five days, we were
anxious. Was there some problem where someone was injecting things
onto himself? Do we have a juvenile diabetic who was using these
syringes?
I finally brought it to the notice of the Dean and we had a
meeting of the Secretaries and senior students with the institute
officials. One official was convinced that some student was injecting
something directly onto himself because the left over fluid was brown
in colour. We sent a mail to the Dean disagreeing on the brown
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65

substance issue and thankfully for us the Dean agreed with our
explanations.
Till this day nobody solved the case of the brown syringe.
The final footer match
The entering batch of 2006 arrived and I was addressing them
in the common room. Some seniors who had just played football in the
quadrangle arrived to join us. When I saw the football, I asked the
seniors if they would play a friendly match with the freshies and they
agreed.
It was a pleasant sight with the seniors playing as a coordinated
team and the freshies who did not know each other well struggling to
get some coordination. The seniors were dressed in shorts while some
freshies were wearing full pant and belt. The seniors also had a couple of
institute players including the footer captain.
The seniors certainly played a friendly match in which they
did not nudge any freshie and did not indulge in any bullying in the
field. For 10 minutes we had a good competition after which the seniors
comfortably won 2-0. At the end, a senior came to me and said Great
fun. We have also identified a couple of players for the JAM team
On 19th September 2006 I handed over charge to Prof Prem
Bisht. The students ended my tenure as warden with a farewell football
match between the third years and the seniors.

About the author: Prof. G Srinivasan earned an MS degree in Industrial

Engineering in 1987 and a PhD degree in Industrial Management in 1990
from IIT Madras. He has been a faculty in the Department of Management
Studies since then and one of the students favourite for Operations Research
course. He is also a counsellor cum friend to many students than just a teacher.

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66

A Couple of Memories
Prof. G Srinivisan
The lunch in Narmada
The first time I taught O.R. I (this course is now called
Fundamentals of O.R.) to UG students was during July-Nov 91. There
were two batches and my class had a large number of third year Mech
students from Narmada hostel. We used to have a mid semester week
where the mid semester examinations for six slots (A to F) would be
conducted. The exams would start on a Monday and end on the
following Tuesday. There would be no classroom instruction during the
period.
I went to visit IIT Kanpur during this break and Prof TTN, the
other instructor, set the common question paper. Krishna (Poncho) was
close to TTN and when Poncho scored high marks in the mid sem, the
joke was that Poncho had RGed others by picking up the question
paper from TTNs house. When this was told to me by the class which
cribbed about not being able to get the paper (all these in good
humour), I added to the fun by saying that you guys forgot that I also
had access to the paper and by properly treating me the class could
have got access to the paper.
The class remembered this casual comment of mine and invited
me for lunch to Narmada hostel (as a treat) on the day of the last end
semester exam (F slot). On that rainy day after completing my F slot
exam, I walked to Narmada hostel at around 12:30 p.m. I was surprised
to find almost all my students (about 25 of them) waiting outside the
hostel to receive me. The mess sec was also in my class. He had arranged
the tables in a huge rectangle and all of us had lunch together on that
round table!

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67

Then they took me to Luxs room which, according to them,

was the best room in the hostel. I sat in the comfortable chair and was
surrounded by at least 25 students sitting wherever they could find space
in that room (including on others lap). I could see about five faces
peeping through the window from outside. There was a general wing
chat session for about two hours and I answered so many of their
questions patiently. These questions ranged from my subject to my
family and many other aspects. When I left the room at about 3 p.m.,
one of the students remarked, It was like ragging a prof!
The unintended recipient
One fine morning I received an e-mail from one of the students
(who was in the USA). It did not start with Dear XX. A part of the mail
read thus...

i need to impress your parents and they should feel that they arent
making a mistake by doing or allowing you to go with your choice or wishes. This
is something which i have always strongly thought about and i have looked at
many different ways of doing it. I think topping in IIT isnt a very easy thing to
do. There is a lot of home work which has been put into this from my side. And
it was for the sole reason that your Dad should be impressed
I knew immediately that I was not the intended recipient.
Within minutes I got a mail informing me so and apologizing for the
inconvenience.
The reason I have reproduced the lines is the fact that this
person wished to ask for the girl after he achieved something for which
he worked really very hard. He cared and worked to prove himself
worthy in eyes of the girls father. When I find students worrying about
their love and wasting time (and not doing anything) I am reminded
about this e-mail. This boy finally married the girl to whom the mail was
intended and I attended the wedding and blessed the couple.

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68

Soberly Drunk
Editors pick
Society loves drunken men. There is something about them, a
mystical allure of their inebriated ways that draws all eyes towards them
and makes all tongues describe and comment on their actions.
Consider, for instance, all the brouhaha around Charlie Sheen and you
will understand the point. The attitude of curiosity and fervent nose
poking into the affairs of men with more than a couple of martinis in
them also spawns countless imitations and acts of drunkenness. Acting
drunk is perhaps the best way discovered to fool one's fellow man and
play a few practical jokes.
The same thought occurred to Srikanth, Kartik and Rohit as
they were returning to Insti one evening. Sitting inside an auto, the
three idiots thought that a bit of practical joking at the expense of a few
friends would not hurt and proceeded to hatch a plan. They decided
that acting drunk was perhaps the best way to heighten a few blood
pressures. Getting their story straight, they went through a list of friends
who could be the butt of the grand joke.
Foil, by virtue of being a simpleton and a trusting friend was
chosen. Being a weekend, the three of them assumed Foil would have
gone home. They put through a call to Foil's place and it was duly
answered. Unfortunately for the three undergraduates in the auto, it was
Foil's father who picked up. Oblivious to this fact, the three of them got
into the act with ardour, starting on rambling rants and drunken
demonstrations. A startled and confused man at the other end managed
to decipher that the boys wanted Foil. He cut the call and called up his
son.
Having been informed by his father that three of his friends
were in the middle of a busy Chennai road late in the night, Foil called

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Kartik. Convinced that their plan was working perfectly, the three of
them continued to give the impression that they were more than gently
stewed. Kartik told Foil that they were alone on an unfamiliar road and
were trying to get transportation back to insti. Alarmed at the plight of
his friends, Foil placed a call to Stretch. Stretch called the trio and got
the same story and some added masala, possibly about sinister figures
lurking in the background ready to take advantage of their drunkenness.
As Srikanth, Kartik and Rohit sat in the auto, laughing their
derrieres off, various people in Insti were poring over whiteboards,
exercising their brains to save their three inebriated friends. The friends
called their friends who in turn called their friends and a sizeable team
was gathered for the rescue mission.
Meanwhile, the auto deposited them at the main gate, just in
time for the last bus. Boarding the bus, the three of them reached their
hostel. From the comfort of their rooms, they called up Foil again to tell
him that they had somehow reached the main gate and that the security
might not let them in if he saw they were drunk. Shortly, a platoon of
the search party was dispatched to the main gate to bring the three back.
Five minutes later, Kartik called up Foil and told him they were safe in
Pampa. In his highly strung state, Foil did not question how three
drunk out of their senses people travelled from main gate to the hostel
in five minutes. Spreading the word that the boys had successfully
negotiated umpteen hurdles to reach Insti, the whole search party
moved as one man to the hostel.
Enthused and encouraged by the results their prank had
produced till then, the terrific trio decided to continue it. The three of
them gathered in one room and switched on the faintest light, providing
a psychedelic atmosphere. One of them had been instructed in the art
of playing a flute and started to ply his trade. When a few dozen people
converged on that room, led by Stretch, they saw two guys who were

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apparently oblivious to their surroundings and one guy playing a few

bars on a flute. The search party was given a customary drunken
greeting. For the next twenty minutes, the search party stuck around,
tending to their drunken brothers. The three of them enjoyed the
attention as well as the feeling of having summarily fooled at least
twenty people. For a moment, the three teetotalers toyed with the idea
of actually getting drunk.
As time passed, Stretch got more and more intrigued.
Demanding minute details of the story, Stretch started investigating into
the matter. In a matter of five minutes, the story fell apart. Stretch
himself being no stranger to alcohol soon saw through the act and could
not believe he had been led up the garden. Needless to say, Stretch was
as pissed off as a child who had been denied candy. Srikanth, Kartik and
Rohit were jubilant that they had put one over their mates.

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My First Street Fight

N V S Patent Anuraag
Once in my 2nd year, I went to Besant Nagar beach with a
couple of friends. It was 11 o clock in the night when we decided to
return. The roads were almost empty. Though the hunt for auto was
long, we finally got one and negotiated the fare. He offered to take us to
Insti for 50 bucks, which was very reasonable. We agreed.
A couple of minutes into the ride and truth struck us like a cold
slap on the face. The driver was drunk out of his senses and was driving
as if he was driving a Ferrari. At one time the auto appeared to be on
two wheels and almost tumbled. We had hardly travelled half a km
when one of the auto drivers friends joined us. He appeared to be
drunk to worse limits than the driver himself. After a few close calls and
heart in the mouth moments, we reached Taramani bus stand.
Suddenly, the driver started demanding Rs. 100. We refused
but instead offered him 60. Neither he nor we were ready to budge. He
started hurling abuse at us and threatened to hit. We were not prepared
to take it lying down and responded to his threats. The quarrel grew
worse and it broke into a fight. He grabbed one of my friends collar and
started beating him. My other friend ran and called the guard at the
Taramani gate. I got hold of the drivers friend and dragged him to the
shutter of a shop. Meanwhile, the auto driver was overpowering my
friend. I turned my attention to him and we double teamed him. Two
against one proved effective and we soon pinned him to the ground.
Sensing that the auto driver and his friend would be on the
ground for some time, we ran as fast we could to the Taramani gate. My
friend was bleeding from the nose, a result of a punch by the auto
driver. It was the first street fight of my life and I am glad I came out of
it without much damage and clearly on the victors side.

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Misplaced Proxy
Editors pick
As has been documented earlier in this book, Dixcy had a
penchant for cutting classes. He was not one to shy away from bunking
just because some professor or HoD said he should not. The heart he
bore and the mind he swayed by would not shake with fear nor sag in
doubt. When Dixcy was not bunking classes, he was always sleeping in
classes. Reliable witnesses state that finding a couple of needles in a
haystack would be a cakewalk when compared to finding a single class in
which Dixcy stayed awake.
The only use anyone had for Dixcy in a classroom was to
register a proxy attendance. In this field, Dixcy was a persona non pareil
and was a widely sought after artist in the practice of putting proxy.
Ctech, the class representative (CR) for the course had a longstanding
partnership with Dixcy in putting proxy. The course was taken by two
new professors who were yet to accustom themselves to the various sly
and cunning techniques the students used to bunk or to register proxies.
Ctech and Dixcy would go to class on alternate days, relying on the
other to answer the attendance call.
The best-laid schemes o' mice an' men gang aft agley, once wrote
the poet Burns in the best Scotch accent he could muster. Dixcy and
Ctech being but mere mortals were susceptible to this rule. One day,
both Dixcy and Ctech turned up for the same class, but neither had
bothered to inform the other of the fact. As usual, the professor started
out calling out the names. In due course of time, he called out Ctechs
name. Ctech, recognising his name, responded. Dixcy, on recognising
Ctechs name was suddenly pricked by the stud of duty and responded
at the same time.

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Astonished, the professor asked whether the real Ctech could

please stand up. No one responded. Still amazed, the professor asked for
roll number one. Formulating a grand plan in an instant in his sleep
afflicted brain, Dixcy stood up. Meanwhile, the real roll number one,
Abhinay too stood up.
Dixcy said, He is Abhinay Reddy, Roll no. 1 and Class
Representative.
I know who the class CR is. It is Ctech, replied the prfoessor,
amazed at Dixcys antics.
The whole class exploded, like Einsteins unstable keg of
gunpowder. The contagious laughter even affected the professor. Dixcy
stood there bemused, the prospective butt of all jokes for the coming
week.

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We Electricians
Avinash Nagarajan
People call a school A home away from home. Sadly though,
nobody ever says that of an undergraduate university. Perhaps there is a
reason for that. A competitive environment does not really lend itself
well to bonding, and it is my good fortune perhaps to be able to say that
I have found a home away from home!
The Department of Electrical Engineering at IIT Madras has a
long and fabled history. The Professors dubious reputation of being
strict in the class and hard on the grades (and, deceptively having names
that translate to peace and calm to boot) go hand in hand with respect
and awe for them, and the department as a whole. In laying these
misconceptions to rest, I would like to set the record straight about the
department and the institute we have all come to love.
My batch (2006 EE entrants, BTechs and Dual Degree), as is
likely the case with most others, brought together an incredibly diverse
group which has grown into an amicable and a cohesive one. From the
talented and laid-back to the effortless performers and the human
incarnation of Reuters (Yes, there was just the one), we had it all. The
perfect testament to the amicability of the group is perhaps the fact that
we brought out the first ever department yearbook (appropriately called
The Electric Bond) in our institute's history. A community effort, it
was indeed an extraordinary sight to see everyone participate (albeit not
all voluntarily).
Of course, no mention of the department would be complete
without a mention of our coffee shop. Like the gang in Friends
lounging around in the Central Perk Coffee Shop, we can also be found
here smack in the middle of work sharing a light hearted moment over
coffee and butter biscuits. Students and professors alike gang up in this

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hallowed room, which invariably leads to us transcending the

professional boundary (probably to the chagrin of quite a few; I know I
wouldnt want my project guide spilling the beans on me in front of my
friends!!)
Being in the dual stream, it is a strange feeling to bid farewell to
nearly half the batch. But, this also brought the rest of us even closer.
The dual batch of 2011, especially the communications stream enjoyed
an unrivalled level of bonhomie. We call ourselves the ToNNet - the
3GPP, a play on the TeNeT (The Telecommunications and Computer
Networking) group, a group comprising of the professors working in
communications and the 3GPP organization. Quite geekily, it stands for
Totally Nuts over Networking - The Third Generation Peace Putters.
An extremely competitive bunch, we drive each other to do better. From
something as trivial as our performance in a lab to our performance in
our final 2 years, our batch has outperformed, which can only mean that
(save for a few exceptions) the competition within the group was well
natured. Our name has spread far and wide (with a professor also
holding an honorary membership).
However, we take the old adage All work and no play makes
Jack a dull boy seriously (perhaps a little too seriously). We, as a group
have made it a point to spend some time together. The most memorable
of these experiences are certainly the birthday celebrations. Starting with
the grandfather of our group, a certified Paparazzi-in-training, we have
made something of a tradition of birthdays. In the halls of the
communication wing (where we toil night and day), birthday parties at
midnight typically consist of a cake, a collage of amusing pictures, a gift
that remarks on the characteristic trait of the person, and of course,
party hats, balloons and in house photography. Lunch/dinner treats
follow. I will treasure these memories, as I will my own collage!

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As we embark on the next step of our lives, I am sure most of us

would cease to be Communications Engineers (I know some of us
already have). But, I do hope we continue to be members of the
ToNNet family. And, if Facebook and Google Talk are any indication, I
am sure we will always be nuts over Networking.

About the author: Avinash Nagarajan, fondly referred to as Nag, is a Dual

Degree student in the Department of Electrical Engineering. He is a technology
enthusiast and likes blending fun with high end technology to create cool apps.
Though his interests span the spectrum, from photography to tennis, his dressing
sense is nearly always monochrome.

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Then and Now

Prof. L S Ganesh
I have been through several phases of IIT. Pre TV and internet
era was an amazing period of time. Students creativity and visualisation
was of a certain distinct nature. In early 60s, campus life significantly
comprised of a variety of extracurricular activities. Students harboured a
holistic attitude towards recreational hobbies and dabbled in almost
everything-be it debate, dramatics or sports. IITM boasted of national
players of almost every popular sport including bridge. Students were
into every kind of music Jazz, Hindustani classical, Carnatic etc. Such
was the reach and zeal regarding the intra hostel events that they used to
be held at the OAT. Various campus communities, the students, faculty
and their families, the staff, bonded over huge carnivals held at regular
intervals. Till early 80s, inter hostel boxing used to draw huge crowd in
the OAT. Student-run Institute Hiking Adventure club was one of the
most popular clubs. In the area of academics, the spirit of engineering
was intense. Students engaged themselves in critical thinking and group
discussions which reinforced the very essence of vision of IITM. Mardi
Gras and Bharat Utsav, predecessors to Saarang, was the platform to
some of the most creative artistic minds of our country. Progma,
predecessor to Shaastra, too was a huge success. I myself served as the
Cultural Advisor from 1997-2000 and maintained excellent
relationships with every person I met during my tenure.
There used to be one music room in SAC. One music team
with UG and PG students alike! I have been part of the music group
during my students days when IITM music group was at its peak. One
particular incident which I would like to share happened way back in
1980 at Rendezvous of IIT Delhi. Our team was practicing at around 2
in the morning and there were a few IIT Delhi students to help us out
with sound equipment. The moment they heard us, they were

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spellbound. And the word spread like fire not only in the Institute but
also in the whole of Delhi. Our team was slated to perform third. But
the organisers requested us to perform at the end so that the other
colleges performing after us didnt get disheartened. Finally IITM played
at around 12 midnight and the auditorium was simply overflowing! The
craze continued the next day too. A local rock band came to perform.
But to our surprise, public forced the band to pack within an hour and
started demanding for our team. The moment was priceless. Till today,
whenever I go to IITD, I find at least one person who recognises me
because of the musical havoc we caused!
Holi used to be a gala affair. Insti buses would be employed to
take the all of us to the Besant Nagar beach. By the time the festivities
ended, the sea water colour would literally change into pink, red, green
etc. Every hostel night would conclude with a movie.
Times have changed. And so has the Insti. There is phenomenal
transformation in terms of education and campus life post TV and
internet era. Engineering has become a necessary evil. Students just
want the stamp of IIT, get a job in a foreign bank and earn loads of
money. The passion and eagerness to explore the infinite aspects of
engineering are lost. Affinity for respective branches has decreased. The
student faculty relationship has weakened. Leave academics, there is
hardly any enthusiasm for extracurricular activities. All the events have
been shifted from the OAT to much smaller venue of CLT. Even then,
most of the time, the audience consists of just the judges and the
organisers! The ever growing UG-PG divide is another change that pains
me. Students outward behaviour, I feel, has completely gone for a toss.
Overdose of unwanted public display of affection is highly embarrassing,
especially for the other residents of the Insti. The building designs have
also changed. I believe that the structure of abode determines the
behaviour of the occupant. One can easily separate students who reside
in the old hostels from those of the new hostels. The students of the
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older buildings tend to mingle and interact more owing to the spacious
quadrangles these buildings have.
But then, a coin always has two sides. Changed times have
bought in positive transformations also, in form of the role of IITM
Alumni. Centre for Innovation (CFI) is one such example.
As a faculty member of Department of Management Studies
and as an ex-warden of Jamuna Hostel, I have realised that today, IITMs
faculty faces an arduous challenge: to help students discover a balance in
life and maintain it throughout their lifetime; to guide them to find the
purpose of their lives and encourage them to pursue it relentlessly till it
is achieved. Adolescence is an overpowering as well as a delicate phase of
life. Thus, we, being the faculty and elders, should handle them
carefully, guide them to the righteous path as much as possible and
groom them into responsible citizens of the future. This also calls for a
need to change and improve the student-teacher interaction. Students
too have a major role to play in this regard. They should strive to
challenge the teachers intellectually which will definitely result into
healthier relationships with the faculty.
My only dream for IITM is that I want to see this institute to
such great heights that every student in the world, would say I want to
study in IITM. And I hope each and every member of IITM will
endeavour to make this dream come true.

About the author: Professor L S Ganesh is a faculty in the Department of

Management Studies. He received M. Tech. in Maintenance Management and
Ph. D. in Forecasting, System Dynamics, Educational Planning from IIT
Madras in 1979 and 1986 respectively. He is a very eloquent speaker whose
guidance lectures to freshmen are attended even by senior students.

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When God sent Light

Editors pick
In a place like IIT Madras, technical festivals and competitions
abound like rabbits in a coop. Anyone who can wield a couple of ICs or
is a genius when faced with a programming language could walk in and
no questions asked. One such event that always draws all and sundry is
the one named contraptions. Contraptions is one of the simpler and yet
most interesting and exciting events in Insti. Basically, contraptions
involve a lot of stuff falling on to other stuff to realise one ultimate goal.
Or to be slightly more technical, objects trigger motion in other objects
and a chain reaction of sorts is setup in pursuit of a goal. In what is
usually described as a domino effect, all kinds of things, from screws to
falling anvils fall on each other and look great. It is what one is likely to
see in sweet and innovative ads from Honda or Toyota, where small,
shiny things fall or roll to make something else move which in turn sets
some other object in motion and finally strikes the key in ignition.
Bardar was in his third year and decided that he would
contribute to his hostels Tech Soc points by putting fight in the
contraptions event. Bardar spent hours, days and weeks on it, inspiring
second years and freshers along the way. One and a half months passed
as Bardar made blood sweat to garner a few Tech Soc points. In the end,
he deviced a contraption that worked somewhere along these lines.
(i) A ball coming from a pipe hits a domino.
(ii) A long series of dominoes fall.
(iii) the last domino in the series is covered with white paper and as it
falls it sends white light to a light sensor and actuates an electrical
circuit.
A couple of trials were conducted and the results made Bardar
ecstatic. Brimming with confidence and with the slight hope that he
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might actually win the event, Bardar proceeded to the venue. The
competition got underway.
We asked Bardar about this massive fight of his and here is
what he had to say.
Well, the domino fell perfectly but the circuit didnt start. We
had all the whole team and the coordinators waiting for something to
happen but nothing happened. After 20 seconds of looking around in
disbelief, I started thinking of what to tell the freshies, who in the then
foreseeable future would be trying hard to mend the pieces of their
broken hearts. But the moment I turned towards the frehies, I saw a
sudden change of expression on their faces and heard the sound of
three motors running in series. That sound was music to my ears as out
of nowhere the impossible had happened. The circuit started working as
if some external or supernatural force had acted on it. So, the
contraption that we made ran successfully.
The whole team knew that something unusual happened to our
contraption, but the coordinators didnt have a clue about it. For them
everything was as normal as Chennais temperature. So, we didnt
discuss even a bit about it until they left. As we sat together after the
celebration, one of our team members with a hawks eye told us that the
circuit was actuated by a flash from the camera of a photography
volunteer for that years Shaastra. We got dazzled by the beauty of the
way in which nature stopped our contraption before it practically started
and showed us a contraption of its own. People who were there can say
whatever they want but they would agree on one thing, there were no
atheists left in the team.

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How not to be a Bad Teacher

Rakesh Misra
Have you ever tried estimating the number of hours that you
have spent in classrooms during the course of your IIT education? I did
it recently, and the number turns out to be more than a whopping
2500! (2500 is for a Dual Degree student. You can do the Math
accordingly.)
Realizing now the amount of time that a student spends for
classes, and backed by my own 2500 classes of experience as a student, I
carefully thought out what are the things that one should do/not do so
as not to be dismissed as a bad teacher straight away. Here are the ten
most important ones.
1) Don't arrive late for your class. Be present at the scheduled start-
time. An occasional delay is acceptable, but on a regular basis, any delay
more than 2 minutes reflects very badly on your professional ethics.
2) Don't humiliate students in classroom, especially if they arrive 2-3
minutes late to your class. The late-comer might have arrived after
breaking his alarm clock that didn't ring at the right time or after
puncturing his cycle on the way or after not getting a piece of (so-called)
dosa in mess despite standing in the queue for 15 minutes - don't make
him feel worse by humiliating him as soon as he enters the class.
3) Don't come unprepared. You may have been teaching the same
course for the last 10 years, you might have taken the same class just a
week ago, but do spend some time to prepare every time before coming
to a class. You may spend anything between 2 minutes to 2 hours or
more to prepare, but never walk into a class hoping for stuff to come out
of your mouth all by itself.
4) Don't dish out petty rules and regulations. Asking students to switch
off cellphones in class is okay, but asking them to stop using cellphones
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in life is definitely not okay! Don't thrust too many regulations and
restrictions on the students. Don't make stupid rules on how they
should enter the room, how they should sit upright, how they should
shake their legs and how they should breathe in air. Maintain your
sanity, give them their space.
5) Don't make a mess on the board. Be neat with your handwriting, be
clear with your notations. Use the board well. Don't make spelling
mistakes. And for God's sake, please don't spell the title of your course
wrong!
6) Don't harp on attendance. Your institute may have attendance
regulations for students, and as an ethical/law-abiding teacher, you may
have no option but to take attendance every class, but never use
attendance as a crutch for making students attend your class. If your
teaching is not a reason good enough, then your classes don't deserve to
be attended anyway.
7) Don't bluff. You are not God; you are not omniscient. It is never a
shame to say, "I'm not sure of this right now" or "I'll think about it and
get back to you in the next class". Never bluff to hide your ignorance;
the next-gen students don't take long to figure it out!
8) Don't throw high sounding jargon. You know the subject better than
the others in the classroom and that is exactly the reason you are there
as a teacher; dont try to prove it. Think at the level of the class while
introducing new terms and concepts. Don't show off; don't be rude.
9) Don't talk to the walls. Your students sit right in front of you; look at
them while you're explaining. Be interactive; don't deliver a monologue.
Don't sound monotonous too; modulate your voice well. And please
don't talk facing the board.
10) Don't stretch your class beyond the scheduled end-time. You may
take a couple of minutes more to wind up the last topic you were

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discussing, but every extra minute beyond that will reduce your
popularity by half. And never try to take advantage of your students'
respect for you by asking questions like "Can I take 5 more minutes?";
they will always agree just to save you from humiliation (Can you
imagine how you would feel if all students answer a unanimous "No"
and walk out of the classroom?).
The article is intentionally not titled "How To Be a Good
Teacher", because that is an entirely different topic. But the first step to
be a good teacher is to not be a bad teacher.

About the author: Rakesh Misra is described as a perfectionist by the people

around him. This Dual Degree student in the Dept. of Electrical Engineering has
an amazing knack of taking pictures with every possible celebrity who visits Insti
or happens to meet him elsewhere. A resident of Ganga hostel, he has a lot of
initiatives to his credit. He occasionally blogs at innertunes.blogspot.com.

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How We Met!
Govindraj Vinayraj
Barely one week into Insti, Ibo was the only guy in the class I
had spoken to more than a hi. I was playing in the class with a brand
new blackberry. So here I was, eyes glued to the mobile and my thumbs
running a race across the key-pad, never even for a brief second
doubting that I might be caught. It so happened that the Prof was also
observing my joyride in gadget-world.
The prof very calmly told me to get out and took the phone
away. Thinking that it was actually a blessing in disguise and that I could
manage to grab a bite from Campus Caf or Tifanys, I strolled in the
corridors. Suddenly, my phone vibrated, it was an SMS; just a usual ad.
Wait! Mobile! Oh, crap!, it was Ibos mobile that the Prof had actually
taken from me.
I called the Prof after the class and apologized. The prof said,
Yeah, I remember. Come to my office at 3 pm. I went to his office, all
prepared for a long and winding discourse on classroom etiquette. He
asked me to come and sit next to the person who was already there. To
my surprise, it was Ibo. The Prof said, Both of you claim this phone to
be yours. Come to a conclusion and tell me who it really belongs to.
That time I realized that Ibo had not expected me to take the
pain and screw myself for someone I barely knew. His respect for me
grew. And we faced the Profs ire together. He even called up Ibos
parents. Adversity makes men cling to one another. And till today, we
stick together as best friends.

About the author: Govindraj Borba Vinayraj is a B. Tech. student in the

Dept. of Civil Engineering. He has a lot of random enthu and his friends say
they cannot pin point what he is really interested in.

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Chennai Challenge
Claudia Blank
Winter 2009: For the first time my German professor mentions
that there is an exchange program with an Indian university. Ok, sounds
like an interesting chance to experience something new coupled with
lots of travel destinations for eventual free time and holidays. Some of
our fellow students had already been there and had come back alive.
Why shouldnt I go there? First question: Where is Chennai? Never
heard about it before. Second question: What is IIT? After some
minutes of internet research, the third question: As it is all about
Technology, how can I pursue management courses there? Some
months later, at least those questions are answered.
September 2010 [SCENE 1]: Arrival at Chennai airport. The
climate is more humid than I could ever imagine. On the way to the
campus, I admire the non-existing traffic rules, rubbish everywhere along
the streets, a terribly smelling Adyar river and houses which look as if
they will collapse within the next few minutes. I tell myself, lets try to
see things in a positive way: Maybe Indians dont appreciate external
appearance, but internal values? [SCENE 2]: Did I say internal values?
Mistaken, for sure. My hostel room at IIT Madras campus is empty and
looks the way I imagine a German prison cell. Well, German prisoners
enjoy more than 7m, own a carpet and a TV Prisoners normally have
to ask permission for going out, so do I. I want to leave IIT for more
than three days? My hostel warden needs to be informed and I have to
register all the details of my absence in a special Going Home Book. I
want to go and meet some friends in the boys hostel? No way without
registering my visit in a special Visitors Book. Wow!!! And heres the
icing on the cake. The CCW guys try to gain more information about
my private life than my mother does. Welcome to the kindergarten.

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It seems as if Indians appreciate bureaucracy as much as cricket.

Lets think about the abbreviation IIT Indian Institute of Technology.
Sorry to say that, but so far I couldnt find the TECHNOLOGY. Most
things are handwritten on a piece of paper. Maybe Indias position as an
IT-nation has not reached the administration of IIT yet. But Im sure
within the next 50 years the CCW will also find its way into the 21st
century.
The campus is quite beautiful compared with the rest of the city
of Chennai but the animal life here came as a shock to me. Whereas
pitiful cats and dogs are treated not so nicely, hordes of holy saucy
monkeys spread the rubbish from the dustbins all over the campus while
they are searching for food. Besides the animal wildlife, I also got in
contact with the Indian cuisine. Probably our relationship will always be
a mix of love and hate, but after six months in India my stomach is now
really longing for pizza, pasta and pork.
So, was there any positive experience at all? Definitively yes.
Whenever I had (or took) some days off, I escaped the bothersome
campus life and travelled through India. It is amazing how many
different faces one single country can have. Most Indians I had the
chance to get to know are very openhearted and friendly I would
exclude the majority of rickshaw drivers from this statement.
March 2011: Retrospect. Globally seen, I totally underestimated
the difference in the living standard I was used to and the one I was
pushed to on the IIT campus. Probably it would have been helpful if I
had less expectations and more patience during my stay. Anyway, I got
lots of impressions of a completely different style of life, but now Im
glad that my exchange is over. And as for everyone, for me too, the most
beautiful place on earth is my home.

About the author: Claudia Blank, a Management Studies student, hails from
Germany. She visited IITM as a semester exchange student.
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Times I had the cake and ate it too

Surbhi Maheshwari
1) 26th November as Belated Christmas. Leela and I fooled Vani to
believe that she had forgotten Christmas the previous day. Cheery on
the top, we made her agree that it was once-in-a-lifetime mistake and we
ought to videotape it. She re-enacted the whole drama for our camera.
And then it dawned on her, after 2 hours of belated Christmas spirit,
that New Year was a month away and not just a week.
2) Helped Vani send roses to her dearest enemy M, a particular
Shaastra spons core, on V-Day with proper arrangements such that his
wingmates receive the parcel before he does and bump him hard. M
chose to confide into me his frustration for not being able to guess the
sender and discussed the various possible names, before finally realizing
it was Vani. Even after knowing the whole plan, he believed me to be
innocent.
3) Again Vani and I, the partners in crime. Used a particular feature
of SMail to send T, a certain TAS, mails from himself (Karthik calling
Karthik style) from Vanis laptop. I was the one who composed the
mails and still, T forwards (or sends back?) those to me to discuss the
issue and the possible culprits. Traces it to Vanis IP address finally and
believes me when I say I had no idea about this whole thing.
4) Literally kicked a certain co-ToNNet member P when he tried to
prove a watery-eyes-due-to-sneezing-me to be a crying-me and challenged
me to do better than use a plastic bottle to hit him. To take revenge for
the humiliation, during a birthday celebration later that evening, P tried
to conspire with other group-mates to bump me. He and one more
person lifted me but no one bumped and the moment they let go off
me, P got bumped by the whole group.

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Scoring in Saarang
Editors pick
Saarang represents different things to different people. For
some, it is but a great opportunity to showcase their amazing talent that
would have rusted and rotted away in ignominy if it was not for Saarang.
For some others it is the exemplar of what is wrong with modern
society, an unscrupulous and unabashed display of vulgar
commercialism and the McDonaldsization of art and culture. But for a
majority of Insti junta who swear by a certain 1962 Elvis Presley musical
comedy, Saarang is just that: Girls! Girls! Girls!
Karthik was an innocent lad who believed in quarks and
leptons and drank Tropicana Lichi. One day, waking up in his seven
metre square room, he looked out of his window and observed an
extensive gleam of purple and gold, quite like the cohorts of the
Assyrian. It was Saarang 2010. Excitement and enthusiasm permeated
everywhere and it slowly crept up through Karthik's window and
enveloped him. Being a staunch believer in the maxim, 'If it were done
when 'tis done, then 'twere well it were done quickly', he quickly pulled
on a pair of trousers and was on his way.
Roaming about like a rudderless ship in the doldrums of the
Pacific, our gleamy eyed protagonist lost his way in the first few minutes
in Saarang and soon wound up at the starting point of the Saarang
Treasure Hunt. At a loss to explain where he had reached, Karthik
jumped six inches high in shock when a hand tapped his shoulder from
behind and then broke the Olympic record for high jump when he
turned around and observed that the hand belonged to a member of the
fairer sex. In a voice that sounded to him like the peal of a dozen sweet
bells tolling, she asked him if he wanted to be the final member in her
Treasure Hunt team. Karthik made a noise like gas fizzing out of a faulty
pipe. The rest of the team took that as an yes.
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The Treasure Hunt progressed and with it Karthik recaptured

his ability to form words and make coherent sentences. He soon
embarked on a conversation with the girl. Dishing out talk smoother
than the finest Scotch, Karthik soon extinguished any interest the girl
may have had in the Treasure Hunt. In ten minutes, they were behind
OAT, reciting the 'Pale Hands I Loved beside the Shalimar' and taking
the conversation to uncharted waters. Somewhere in the midst of the
conversation, the girl revealed to Karthik that she had never learned to
handle a bicycle.
'You don't know how to cycle, eh?' asked Karthik, beaming like
a lighthouse, a gleam in his matching the best of the gold from Kolar.
Grabbing the opportunity like a drowning man would a straw, he
offered to teach her and was accepted.
Anyone who is familiar with Bollywood would not need to
know the details of what happenned next. Like a cliched montage from
a cliched Mumbai rom-com, the couple progressed in their association
for the rest of Saarang. It was with a heavy heart and a voice that
sounded like the violin ensemble of the Vienna Orchestra during a
particularly sad piece, that the girl informed Kartik that she was leaving,
going back to Pune.
If nothing else, Karthik was a man known for perseverance and
steadfastness. In the four months that followed Saarang, he travelled to
Pune fourteen times, still in the throes of that magical association
fermented over cycling tutorials, keen to know what some had found so
sweet.
Times sped on and brought to Karthik January 2011 and with it
the next Saarang. Not one for half measures, Karthik put fight and went
all the way to Pune to bring his lady friend to Saarang 2011, throwing in
a round of India's best floral displays at Bangalore as an added bonus.
Safe to say, that is one eligible bachelor out of the way. Score!
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About the protagonist: N V Karthik, known by his friends as Google, is a B.

Tech. student in the Department of Metallurgical and Material Sciences. He
enjoys playing flute and has started Instis flute club. His interests include music,
table tennis, hapkido, Art of Living and tripping on everyone including himself.

*******
Bardar
Some sly seniors outside Himalaya Mess spot a naive looking
freshie and decide to feast on him. The freshie starts in a monotonic
tone I have no name. My nick is Kanwaljeet Singh. Kanwaljeet? What
does it mean? The freshie has no idea and tries to make up by
blabbering words like lotus, victory etc. Before the seniors could stop
him, a call interrupts the freshie. Giving an apologetic look to the
seniors, he takes the call and starts chatting shamelessly on the cell. 3
min, 4 min, 5 min Ab toh phone rakh! The seniors are irritated but
they pretend to be patient. Suddenly, the freshie asks, Who is on the
line? Thats it. The seniors get ready to pounce upon their prey. What
was that? You didnt know who you were talking to? The freshie looks
shocked, I initially thought it was my friend Gaurav. But after
sometime I realised its not him because he congratulated me for IIT
JEE after so many days! Damn, you are such a bulb! I am sure
Kanwaljeet means donkey and not lion. And everybody laughs. Oye
Sardar! Werent you also a bulb like him in your first year? Somebody
asks the only Sardar in the group. Kind of. But he is even bigger bulb
than me. So lets name him BARDAR!

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A Robotic Report
I V S Sandeep
Robocon is the biggest annual national and international
robotics competition. Nationals are held at MIT College, Pune.
Robocon 2009 was one of the most mesmerizing events for IIT Madras
as we won the Nationals for the first time since the year we had started
participating in 2004.
The team was: Ashwin Ram, Abhishek, Abhishek V, Anand
Narayanan, Praveenth, Yogesh, Alex, Pramod, Swapnil, Dinesh
Jayaraman, Rajan, Prateek, Shristi, Ashwin Sudhakar and myself.
After winning the Robocon 2009 Nationals, our team was all
set to head to Tokyo for the international competition. The event was
spread over five days. One day was meant for testing our projects and
one day was meant for sight-seeing. We had a team assistant called
Aadarsh who was arranged by Indian Embassy to assist us in Japan.
We spent the first day reassembling the bots. Though we had all
the tools required for fixing and assembling the bots other teams were
more than happy to share their tools if need arose. The next day, while
practicing in the actual arena, we faced quite a few technical problems.
We realized that we had to improve our bots to stand any chance.
The competition was scheduled to start on the third day. Our
team was represented by Mujra, Blade and Mazaa during the ceremony.
Our first match was against Japan. Their team too was facing technical
problems similar to ours. However, the Japanese had a stronger coding
team. Sadly we couldnt match their skills and were out of the
tournament.
The next day we had nothing to do, apart from watching other
teams compete. We soon noticed that all the teams were exchanging
souvenirs. We werent aware of this tradition, and we werent carrying
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anything special. So, we gave them Indian coins & currency notes we
had with us. In return we received nice souvenirs in the form of pen-
stands, paperweights, key chains etc.
We spent the last day visiting various parts of Tokyo. We were
thrilled to be part of such a great experience. It was a great trip and
provided many memories for life despite not making it to higher
rounds.

About the author: Sandeep aka Rigid is a Dual Degree student in the
Department of Chemical Engineer. He is very passionate about tech activities,
especially robotics.

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Bhoot! Bhoot!
Himanshu Suryavanshi
I am sure you would agree that spooking out friends is fun,
especially if they happen to be easy targets. Who would not cash-in on
such an opportunity? That too if it presents itself in form of an
extremely scared neighbour who believes in ghosts and believes that they
are out in the open looking for him? The opportunity resides a couple
of doors away from my room and is commonly known as Bhojpuri.
Teamed with Aasmani, another wingmate, I decided to pull through a
plan that any sane person would not fall for. But the person we were
dealing with was not sane in that sense. The tools we needed to
implement our brainchild were a long, thin yet strong copper wire and a
candle. In the dark of night, we turned off the power supply in the wing
and rushed to terrace. The candle was tied to the wire, lit and carefully
lowered down to reach Bhojpuris window. The copper wire was put in
simple harmonic motion to make the candle swing around. Sudden
power cut woke Bhojpuri up and lo, the next thing he saw was the
candle handing mid air outside his window. Trees in the background
added to the effect. Bhojpuri literally shouted: Bhoot! Bhoot! and ran
out his room. We promptly went down and met him as concerned
friends, got him some water, listened to his story and soothed him
down. He was too scared to go back to sleep and insisted that I let him
stay in my room for the night. He even made me accompany him to bog
and wait outside for 5 min. But it was all totally worth the
reaction. And worth getting Bhojpuri a new nick: Darpok!

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An over-the-bridge experience
Editors pick
You need to pay attention to this story as this one is about our
man. Yes, this is about one of the editors of this book. He is the guy
whose wit and extraordinary intelligence will always remain a mark to be
achieved by the coming generations of humanity. There was a time
when God said, let there be light and later there was a time when God
realized in his own light, There should be Sapeksha.
You may not know but in Sanskrit, Sapeksha means relativity.
The theory of relativity or in better words, Theory of Sapeksha is the
very theory that made Einstein scratch his head 299,792,458 times
before understanding it.
The above statements will not be able to do any Justice to
describe the studness of Sapeksha.
Now as the story goes, Lathy (Akhilesh Kopineni ) and Sapeksha
are enjoying their summer holidays in their hometown of Hyderabad.
They have some work in The Hindu office in Panjagutta, Hyderabad.
Lathy reaches the Hindu office first, settles a few things there and calls
Sapeksha. Now Sapeksha is coming to the Hindu office in an auto with
his friend, Subbu. Sapeksha calls Lathy and asks him for directions.
Lathy tells him that he will not be able to see Hindu office but it very
near to Kalaniketan. instructs him to get down as soon as he sees
Kalaniketan and cuts the call. Now with all the superhuman intellect
that he possesses, he follows Lathys words very carefully. As soon as he
sees Kalaniketan he stops the auto and forces Subbu to pay the bill and
get down the auto. Then they realize that they are standing in the
middle of a fly-over.

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Subbu with an exculpated incredulity in his eyes realizes two

things, (1) the first two paragraphs of this article are a hoax, and (2)
never ever follow a man called Sapeksha.

*******
CR2RR
On a particular Sunday, an 8:00 am call from home made me
get up early and go for breakfast to The Himalaya (mess). The Himalaya
is a beautiful three-storied building. Each floor houses one caterer;
ground floor RR, first floor SK and second floor CR caterers. I was in
CR mess. The staircase has nice, beautiful, smooth steel railings. I was
tempted to slide down. And I gave in to the temptation. Wheeeeee!!! At
the end of the first bend, I felt the first sign of danger as I tripped a bit.
Nevertheless, I sat back again. I was rotating with the railing as fulcrum.
But suddenly I rotated beyond a certain angle and lost my grip. I was
airborne for half a second before I hit the ground floor.
When I got back my senses, I could make out around thirty
anxious heads gazing at me. My immediate reaction was Am I alive? As
I was being shifted into the ambulance, I kept asking myself
continuously a few questions: Will I be normal again? Will I be able to
walk again? Will I be able to play again? Almost every part of my body
was paining badly. And I had a swelling on my head. Soon the
customary medical scans followed. All the scans unanimously declared
that there wasnt any major injury. During my stay, I was attended by
four doctors (three female and one male!). I had a torrid time at the
hospital - absolutely no work to do, no people to talk to. Finally after
two days, I was declared fit to leave for hostel.
I became really famous in the institute within a span of few
days. Everyone became tongue tied when they heard about this incident.
It earned me the nick CR2RR.
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Sneaky Four
Kanwaljeet Singh Bardar
It is a story involving five of us; I, Bardar along with RPM,
Bcube, Susti and Nikhil.
It is the General Body Meeting (GBM) of our hostel, Mandak
and RPM, the social secretary presenting the budget for the year comes
up with an idea to promote wing interaction. He proposes to have "The
Dare Knight", an inter-wing competition. The only clue is that it is on
the same lines as roadies. That's impossible here, we think. Nevertheless,
we give him a chance to prove his mettle.
As a result of increased dose of vagrancy, I wander one day, into
RPM's room. And as always, he is busy with his fingers on fire, typing
away sweet messages to all the femme-fatale in his contact list. After
some time I get the comp all to myself. I generally browse through some
folders and chance upon a file named "Dare-Knight". My mind comes to
a screeching halt and then involuntarily I have a devious smile. I don't
trust anyone except one person who is very close. That's me again. I mail
the file to myself and walk out of the room struggling to display the
most normal behaviour.
One day before the event, I go to Bcube. He is a person to go to
for short-cuts to success. And this definitely is going to be our short cut
to be the Dare Knights. After showing the list of the tasks going to be
assigned, we decide, we would do the tasks a day before and store the
element of surprise for others. There are three tasks at hand.
The first task is to get a photograph of a teammate hanging
from the rope in front of the gym. We are all athletic enough and finish
the job as quickly as possible. To RG others we then wind the rope to
the rod and cement our position further as the Dare Knights. The
second task is a photograph of a team-mate sitting on one of the
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elephants of the Gajendra Circle. Those uncomplaining mammoths

witness our courage. The lone security guard sitting near the Ad block
doesn't keep watch in the night and we discover this. We then have in
our hand the photograph of one of us mahouting the elephants. Almost
commanding them to move.
The third task is a lot more fishy. We are to obtain a
photograph of a team mate diving from the highest platform in the
swimming pool. Since we knights have decided to do the feat in the
night there are difficulties. The swimming pool is closed at night. And
even if we sneak in, the sleeping guard could wake up due to the splash
of water.
We divide our roles for this mission. I would be the
photographer and Bcube the jumper. Susti would keep watch if
someone is coming from the back side of the pool from where we slip
in. And Nikhil has the tough job of distracting the security guard at the
time of the splash. As soon as he hears the splash he has to talk loudly
on his mobile and there is nothing like a fight -- either real or virtual on
a phone -- that doesnt distract attention of the security guys. They are
trained to watch out for fights. Also Nikhil has to inform us on our
mobiles if the guard comes inside.
We are ready. We take our assigned positions. I hold Bcube's T-
shirt and shoes. I am ready with the camera now. And Bcube jumps off
from the top platform into the swimming pool and I click. There's a big
sound of the splash and I disappear to the backside where Susti was.
The guard hears the splash and Nikhil jumps into action. He starts
shouting on the mobile to gain the guards attention. He is successful in
it. Good job. Poor Bcube comes after some time and asks us where we
had disappeared. Then we look for the photo in the camera and realize
that only the splash is visible! Oh S***! We realize digital cameras need
some time to focus after you click. We decide we have to go for another

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one but this time the guard will definitely come inside. We call Nikhil
and tell him to continue walking the talk, in front of the guard.
The second attempt. We are nervous. We take our positions.
Bcube jumps off. And I click even before he jumps. There is the sound
of splash. It unsettles the guard again from his sleep. We run towards
the backside of the pool. Nikhil shouts even more on his mobile this
time, but the guard stands up and looks at the swimming pool door. He
takes two steps forward, peeps in the swimming pool area and sits down.
Peace. We look at the picture and Bcube is standing on the top diving
board. We decide we have to do it yet another time. Now, this is risky.
This time the guard would definitely come inside and catch us. But we
have come too far and there is no backing down now.
The third attempt. This time Bcube jumps off and I finally get
the picture. There is the splash sound and Nikhil shouts at the top of
his voice but the guard opens the door and runs inside to see who is
there. We run towards the backside from where we had come. We see
the guard coming towards us with a torch but we slip outside through
the opening and run towards the stadium. After few minutes Nikhil
joins us and we tell each other that it was one hell of an experience.
Finally, the ceremonious day arrives without much pomp. We
know, we have a surprise for everyone. As the event starts, we collect the
list of tasks from the common room from RPM. We go through the list
and and Oh no! We don't find the swimming pool task in the list!

About the characters: The main characters are residents of Mandak. Having
been wing-mates for past four years, they are indeed a close group of friends.

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20 Years in IITM
N Bharathwaj
20 years in IITM? Then I must be a student turned professor.
But I assure you that I am a 25 year old student! Now you must be
wondering how an IITM student can possibly spend 20 long years in the
campus.
My mother works in the institute and hence I have been staying
in the campus since the day I was five. I have some wonderful childhood
memories associated with IITM. Typically the routine would start like
getting up late for school (KV IITM), cycling at the top speed to school
and sometimes enjoying a ride in the car by some of the professors. And
being a student of KV IITM had its own advantages. We got to visit the
IITM labs frequently. The professors then were actually our super
seniors. We had a whale of time interacting with the same professors
during our schools alumni day celebrations. After the school hours,
street cricket along with professors wards was a must.
My first episode with IITM as an educational institute started
when I was selected for the summer fellowship under Dr. Balaji
Srinivasan. This experience helped me learn how IITM functions as an
academic entity. Till then I had only known how IITM looks and
functions as a social entity.
It got me so excited that I registered for the MS program and I
was fortunate enough to get a chance to work under Dr. Balaji again.
Thus began my journey as a student at IITM. It was kind of a great start
since my summer fellowship work earned me a conference publication
and I attended the orientation programme for the MS students the day I
came back from the conference. At last my mothers dream had come
true. She had always wanted me to study here. On a lighter note, I
would like mention that during my school days, I used to call the

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professors and their wives uncle and aunty respectively. But when I
actually entered the dept, I dint know how to address them.
Soon the course work stared. I also had to do research in
parallel. Juggling both was a revelation in the sense that it made me
evaluate my strengths and weakness. I made new friends, most of them
are MS students and we got into this fixed routine of completing our
work by 5 in the evening and heading out to Tifanys to eat. We also
started exploring some of the food outlets, mostly North Indian, in
Chennai (one seldom finds a good North Indian restaurant here).Then
came the end semester exams. We were as usual chilled out and
managed a B in all the subjects. Marks didnt really seem to matter to us
and we were happy because we were learning something new every day
through our research. The freedom that I got under my guide was
tremendous. We used to chat on a daily basis, discuss the problems that
I faced, and he was the one who pointed out that I should learn
something new daily when I step into the lab. I got a summer intern
during the month of May and it really helped me in speeding my
research work. Again, we had fixed routine-get components from Richie
Street; eat at Agarwals in Sowcarpet; crash and put night outs to
complete the days objectives. This proved to be a boon since I was able
to increase my working duration.
Over all, the atmosphere inside IITM is beautiful, competitive
and brings out the best in everyone. To sum up the whole experience so
far in one word, it has been AWESOME and I sincerely hope it doesnt
change as I work towards my graduation.

About the author: Bharathwaj a.k.a. Bharath is a happy-go-lucky MS student

of the Department of Electrical Engineering. Crazy about cartoons and
Hindustani music, Bharath is also an exceptional tabla player.

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Dixcy on Fire!
Editors pick
It was the summer of 2009; Dixcy was doing a project and
staying in hostel without permission. On a busy night-out, around 4 AM
in the morning, Dixcys devious mind started to work again to do some
mischief. He talked to his room neighbour Harish and took a match box
from him to smoke and after that started playing with the matches.
Burning the match sticks and throwing them here-&-there. Suddenly a
tree caught his attention. Without giving a second thought he started
burning the tree leaves with the matchsticks, and according to Dixcy
they were burning very well, surely because of them drying in the
scorching Sun. He continued to harm the tree, burning out the leaves,
when the Security guard caught him. And Dixcy begged him not to tell
this incident to anyone but all went in vain. The Security guard told this
to Assistant warden who called Dixcy and took his ID card. He begged
again. But the Assistant Warden had already informed the Hostel
warden and who curious to pain Dixcy came early at 7.30 AM.
He checked and scrutinized Dixcys room for any sort of illegal
items according to Hostel norms. But couldnt find any cigarette butts
or match sticks. After this he was taken to CCW office. The wheels were
set into motion. Warden called the Dean directly and took an
appointment within 2 hours. Dixcy was scared to hell this time.
Meanwhile, people from the four departments namely horticulture,
security dept and others came to take snaps of Dixcy. He pleaded not to
write a report against him.
Finally came the time for Dixcys hearing. The Dean was
naturally very angry at him. Two reasons for this: One was that he was
staying illegally and the second is he burning down the trees.

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Dean started firing Questions like bullets to Dixcy, Why did

you keep match box in your room? To which Dixcy really gave a clever
on the spot witty answer, I burn agarbattis (incense sticks) to keep off
the smell from the drains under repair Why are you staying illegally
and without any notice? Dean demanded. To this he replied he had
been here since one week only, he went home and came back to
complete up his project but the truth was he was there for 2 months and
hadnt been to home that summer till then.
Finally a punishment statement was made to Dixcy. He was to
be fined 2000 bucks and he told he will call his house the next day so he
immediately has to leave for his home, Harish was also fined and asked
to pack Home, as he was also involved for not bringing the matter to
highlight for which he was an eye witness. Harish asked Why should I
pay? But Dixcy had already revealed that Hairsh knew the whole story.
Dixcy, in total fear now, didnt want to risk his life anymore and
packed his stuff quickly and made a move to his home. Fortunately he
already had a booked ticket for that day to his home place. The only
right thing that happened! Harish didnt leave for home rather he
shifted to Ctechs room.
Assistant warden indeed called Dixcys home the next day to
confirm that he had reached home.

Editors note: Hope you remember Dixcy, from his earlier adventures.

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A (50-7)*2 km Cycle Trip

Surya Sudheer Meduri
You may be asking why have I have written an idiotic equation
instead of saying 86 kms cycle trip... well, read on. You will soon know
the reason.
As a result of unbearable boredom and extreme joblessness, I
was growing desperate to do something adventurous or at least go out
somewhere. The moment I told this to Buddi (Praveen) and Hemanth,
they came up with the idea of going to Mahabalipuram on cycles which
is 50 kms from insti. The best (some people say worst) part is that we
planned to start at 11 pm and see the sun rise at Mahabs. The plan
seemed wild but we did all arrangements so as to be comfortable. The
trip was scheduled on 27th September 2008. We got 3 cycles which
were in good condition and Hemanth took care of important things
(food and drinks). Actually, Hemanth had gone to attend a first aid
camp in the morning, then slept the whole evening and never looked
like had got stuff but still was lazy to even cross check what all he had in
bag. Buddi went for some meeting and returned at 11:30 and the laziest
person of the team (myself) got ready by 11:30 and finally were set to
start...but it looks like nature didnt really like our idea and it started
raining heavily. We were not willing to pack the journey and planned to
move out at any cost after 15 min. Rain reduced to slight drizzle and we
started at 12:30 am with no real protection from rain.
After 10 km of a comfortable journey, it began to drizzle
accompanied by heavy breeze and we had to increase our efforts by at
least 100% but we never lost hopes. We were really going well. At
Sholinganallur junction fate decided to test us with additional troubles.
The moment we reached the junction, power went down and all street
lights were out. The road we have to travel on is called East Coast Road
(ECR) and is notorious for accidents. The only advantage is that the
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road is a highway and has a separate bicycle lane. We decided not to

come out of bicycle lane at any point of journey. We were still doing
well, covered 40 kilometres in a span of 3.5 hours, took a break around
3:30 am started again. Just when we thought we had faced all possible
problems other than a cycle puncture, we got (un)lucky again, 7 km
from our destination, 4 am!
Buddi, who tends to day dream at times, was lost in thoughts
and failed to observe a stationary lorry in front of him which had hollow
rods protruding outwards. Inspite of me shouting at him, he just
couldn't come back from his world, hit those rods and fell on the
ground. Hemanth, who was cruising ahead, heard the shouts and came
back and both of us were shocked to see a heavily bleeding face with one
cut on head and other on cheek. I couldn't react for a minute or so and
it was Hemanth who got to his senses first and told me to hand him
over his bag. That time we realised how important that morning first aid
session was. He washed Buddis face with water and started applying
cotton and a lot of bandage to control bleeding. We panicked when we
heard that there is no hospital in a vicinity of 10 km. Somehow we
managed to get a bus going to Chennai. Hemanth and Buddi made
their way back to institute hospital and I stayed back at that deserted
place with 3 cycles and 3 bags. Sateesh took Buddi on a bike from bus
stop to hospital. Buddi got 16 stitches on forehead and cheek. Soon
other friends came to take care of him.
Next challenge was to get all the three cycles back to insti which
indeed looked a very costly business with each of the lorry guys there
asking about 1200 rupees and auto was costing around 500.
Finally, Hemanth and Sateesh came to the place I am at by bus
and we three started cycling back to institute. Before starting, we did a
bit of forensic investigation of the accident site with our camera and
started at 9 30. Hot sun and humid Chennai weather conditions made

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the journey tough. But we managed well by taking rest at regular

intervals, having breakfast, juices, taking pictures at stud locations and
then finally made it to campus by 12:50 with our bodies not supporting
further. After coming back, we had a small discussion session where the
sole objective was to make Buddi realise what all he missed just because
of that reluctance for a moment and we really dominated it because
Buddi was advised not to speak much and he couldn't even speak
loudly.
Afewstriking moments of the journey:
Hemanth says he has a water bottle with him but never filled water
in it. Only he should know whats the use of an empty bottle.
15 min before accident, while we were resting Hemanth instructed
us: If anyone by mistake meets with an accident, try to make sure
that you don't fall on your head.
Despite first aid, while blood was still oozing and I and Hemanth
were worried and trying to get a bus, Buddi calls us to says: Arrey,
take a picture of me with all this blood and cotton na!
Soon after pic session, Buddi says "Why are you asking for a lift?
Give me one hour rest, we shall cycle back to insti (43 kms)".
I hope now the equation makes sense to you all. We could
never travel the last 7 km of a 50 km route and there was a different trip
on forward and return journey.

About the author: Surya Sudheer Meduri from Narmada Hostel is a Dual
Degree student in the Department of Civil Engineering. This talkative ex-CEA
Secretary is an ardent blogger and an institute hockey player. He loves travelling
and exploring new places. He blogs at http://suryasudheer.blogspot.com

...
107

My First Time
Anonymous
It was 2009 and I was in second year. I hadnt talked to a single
girl in Insti till then. I had an illogical fear of girls and was called a fhattu
when it came to talking and interacting with them.
It was Saarang time. It being my second Saarang, I still had zeal
to attend it throughout. My friends and I tried to attend all the pro
shows and as many workshops and other events as possible. At Street
Play workshop, I got lucky and a very beautiful girl asked me some
query. I gave her the appropriate information and left.
I happened to see her again at Salsa workshop. She was really
cute. I decided to put fight for her and told this to my friends. They
encouraged me to go ahead. They said You should not miss such a
great opportunity. I was scared of approaching her and talking. After a
few deep breaths and uplifting words from friends, I gathered some
courage. I wanted to ask her to be my partner for a dance. My legs were
shivering. It was going to be the first time of me starting a conversation
with a girl, that too such a pretty girl!
I started moving towards her with the feeling that my friends
were there with me, just a few steps back, but they all vanished in
different directions. I was all alone by the time I reached her. My fear
suddenly leaped back, but somehow I had to talk to her. I thought I was
going to get beaten up brutally but still I was there right in front of her
and there was no chance of getting back. I gathered my utmost courage
and asked her whether she would dance with me. And she refused. I
asked her why she didnt want to dance with me. She said she was not
interested in dance, rather had interest in dramatics. That was it, The
End! I dont have any clue of dramatics. I quietly left the place and
joined my friends. I was not only relieved that nothing went wrong and

...
108

I did not get bashed but was also happy that my first conversation went
pretty well.

Editors note: Were sure the author of this story will regret his anonymity, a
few years down the line, when he wont be able to say: This was me!

*******
Freshie
A freshie being given a nick by a senior: usual affair.
A second year given a nick by a senior: rare but not impossible.
A second year given a nick FRESHIE by a senior: It happens only in
IITM.
Its not like IITM junta have run out of words that the Insti
lingo has penetrated into the nick naming ceremony. Sometimes, its
the rare breed of the amazingly weird students who are just born in this
world to be bestowed upon by an Insti lingo nick. So it happened that a
particular second year student used to greet his hostel GCU coordinator
every day. And the coord used to beam back at him thinking that there
are people other than freshies who know that he is the hostel GCU
coordinator. One fine day, this coord and a friend were enjoying a
coffee break in Himalaya mess when our hero approaches the coord and
asked him whether he called all the second year people to his room.
No. Why? Arent you Teacher (the Hostel Sports Secretary)? What
the hell? I thought I was famous! The coord thought angrily and sent
the hero to go to a group of freshies sitting in the same mess to find out
his name. Even after this, the coord wasnt satisfied and told the hero
You are worse than a freshie!! Wait, do you have a nick? Even if you
have, I dont care! From now onwards your nick is FRESHIE. Till the
day of your graduation, you will still be a freshie.

...
109

When Dominos made Burgers

Editors pick
Insti, along with Sudan, Guatemala and Sub-Saharan Africa is
one of the most hungry places on earth. The only fact that differentiates
Insti from the others honorably mentioned is the fact that its residents
order Pizza at fairly regular intervals. An especially alluring brand of
pizzas Insti seems to prefer is Dominos, largely because that is the only
pizza house a majority have heard of. When one of the more senior
residents of Insti hears a rumbling in the abdomen, he (mostly) sends
for an unassuming fresher, an unwitting fellow who is about to lose a
good hour or so of his life.
The routine procedures were followed, like clockwork, when a
certain juntling, endearingly named after a measure of the frequency of
a rotation, got hungry and wanted Italian pie. He found a first year with
just the right amounts of hypnotic, spinning, googly eyes and a spine of
Jell-O and sent him off to a gate to get the order. Minutes and hours
passed, but status quo was not revoked. There was the senior, there was
his hunger, but there was no pizza. After a long run that saw more
misery than the Stephen King novel Misery and more frustration than
the popular board game Frustration, the man finally appeared armed
with a package.
The senior pounced on it like a wolf would upon its Russian
peasant. Seconds later a cry of anguish was heard, like a rather large
group of banshees. Inquiries into the matter revealed that the errand
boy had mistakenly brought back a whole bunch of Pupil burgers rather
than the desired pizzas.
These are the days when empathy is all the rage and one is
constantly asked to put one-self in someone elses shoes and see if the
sizes match. I would like to digress for a few moments here to ask you to

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110

do the same thing; what would you do if you got a stash of Pupil burgers
instead of Dominos Pizzas. Responses, if collected, I am sure will vary
from sending back the boy to the gate to hunt for the pizza to gobbling
up all the burgers. But what the person in question did when given
Pupil burgers instead of Dominos Pizzas was truly unique.
Our man picks up the phone, checks his balance, dials up
Dominos and comes up with the question Sir, you are from Dominoes
right? Do you know what the difference is between Dominoes pizza and
Pupil's burger? You have given us Pupil's burger. At the other end,
someone gulped like a school of goldfish, unable to make out what the
caller was articulating and probably assuming that some television
channel was planning some major scoop. Taking full advantage of the
silence at the other end, he went on the rampage, like the Assyrian, like
a wolf on the fold, spewing words like a Walther PPK.
No amount of persuasion or dire threats were working as the
near and dear hostel mates could not get in a word sideways to inform
our protagonist that when a first year brings you Pupil burgers in the
place of Dominos Pizza, shouting abuses through the phone at the latter
is not going to help.

...
111

Behind the scenes

Sapeksh Vemulapati
By March end, it had finally gotten to us that if we didnt start
the hardcore work we wouldnt finish the book. Editing had to be
done on a very detailed basis. Articles would have to be read and reread
and checked for continuity, grammar and other pseud(o) things editors
claim to be doing. At this point, each of us was being stretched to our
limits (at least thats what we showed) in delivering the maximum and
any kind of provocation would have broken us. On-going hostel nights
were further reducing the efficiency.
At this stage, early in the morning at 1:00 AM on a particular
day, I sent this mail to the group.

Hello everyone,
I will have to express utmost disbelief in whats happening around in the Insti
regarding the book we want to publish. I wouldn't want to take the name of the
person who did this. But I sure want to make it clear that any difference of
opinion should have been shared and discussed before communicating to people
not in the team. I shall not be working for the book anymore. I just hope that
this does not repeat for others in the team.
Sapeksh
Not keen to think much about the consequences of this mail
and tired from the long day I slept. At 8:00 in the morning, I got a call
from Surbhi. She was just out of sleep.
Surbhi: Sapeksh, I just read the mail. What happened?
Me: Congratulations, you are the first April fool Ive made
today.

...
112

And as soon as I finished the line, I couldnt understand

anything more from the other side of the line. All I could get was quick
mumbling laughter mixed with anger and confusion. She claims to have
said, Am glad it was a prank. I prefer becoming a fool over the book
facing a set-back. Ya, right! We do know all these cover up statements.
Next was Govind, our Alumni Affairs Secretary, who had given
me a call at 11:00 am as soon as he saw my mail in the Departmental
Computer Facility (DCF) of the Civil Engineering department. The
dialogue was similar to the first one but included more harsh statements
from him and more laughter from me.
I was awake now hoping to hear from others in the team.
Trinath and Sohini contacted Surbhi directly to confirm whether it was
a prank or there was something serious. Ah, I wish they had called me
rather. Surbhi, to continue the prank, instigated Bardar to check the
mail and figure out whats the issue. As I got back to my room, Bardar
who lives in the same hostel as me, called me from the other side of the
wing.
Bardar: What happened? Why did you leave the team? Who
said what? Tell na.
Me: *Gesturing him to give his hand so I could shake it* It was
nice working with you Bardar. How could I forget you? Congratulations
on becoming the third fool Ive made today.
And then I saw a series of slowly changing expressions on his
face. First there was shock. Then a confused one. Then I saw
enlightenment. And then the ever-ready-to-be-given smile. Although, I
would say, it was never tough to fool him.
In the meeting we had the same evening, each of us was sure
that this incident would go in the book. Most of them had one burning
question though. It was not long before one asked, Why did you want

...
113

to do this at such a stage? And a few worries, What if this were true?
Would we have managed to continue?
However pressed with tension and responsibility we were, I
wanted to play a prank on the team. Thats how I am. And thats how
we tripped on ourselves or rather I tripped on the rest of the team.

About the author:Sapeksh is a B. Tech. student in the Department of Civil

Engineering. This rock music fan is one among the people who conceptualized
this book. More about him towards the end.

...
114

From Be Tech to B. Tech.

Akila Kesavasamy
In the four years spanning my stay at IIT Madras, a million
things have changed around me and I have with them. Having said that,
I think it is but obvious for man and beast (unlike) to transform with
varying circumstances, in the very least, as a mere function of time. It is,
therefore, humanly (and thus ape-ly) impossible to go through life as
enriching and as impactful as the B.Tech. life of IIT Madras without
reforming a bit. For my part, I have and heres my story.
I come from Kerala and more specifically, Trivandrum. I went
to a national government funded school that instilled in me great
fashion sense, much before it did common sense. So I went to school
daily with my hair tightly plaited on both sides with red ribbons to
match the navy blue salvar kameez dupatta uniform I wore. Obviously we
were elite and therefore three of us from the school made it to IIT
Madras in 2007, about the time my common sense started prevailing
and I ironed my hair a bit.
Institute life was a welcome change because it brought with it, a
sense of independence I had never experienced before and the
sensational feeling of actually living a dream. First semester was chaotic;
it is with reason, I am sure, that the curriculum is hectic and most of the
things dont make sense. By the time I was done with a day of classes
and workshop and ED and ID and NSO and Lab and Hostel freshie
induction programs, I was so fresh for the entire night of phart-putting as
we fondly called it, that I realized I had slept through most of the former
list.
With the risk of sounding like everybody else that walks
through the Mordor gates of JEE, I was ambitious and I decided that I
wanted to study and thus reach great heights. I was aware of the fact that

...
115

I was the branch closing rank and therefore felt, all the more, that I had
been destined for Chemical Engineering. So I went through a bulky
curriculum of Transport phenomena, and Process control and Reaction
engineering and some of them I really liked more than the others.
Though my grade card is not very representative of that fact. At school,
grades seemed very important and in IIT, I went by the motto that
Knowledge is more important. Now, some presume that it is the
fundamental difference between getting good grades in school and not
really being a 10 pointer here. But I believe that correlation does not
imply causality.
Apart from the general outlook towards academics, another
significant transformation that came over me is the crucial change in my
social outlook. I can confess, without much inhibition, that I was an
introvert of a certain degree the degree being representative of a
gender bias. IIT cured me of the awkwardness I felt before I came here
to the extent that, (and I say this healthily) I dont feel the difference
between talking to a girl and a guy now. I think it is a result that arises
out of throwing in people together into a profession that really does not
differentiate between the sexes.
And as I am ready to bid adieu to the institute in a couple of
months, I speak of the great journey that has transpired personally for
me from a shy, not so confident, serious and sensitive person to an
outspoken, tough person who can take a couple of jokes. A sense of
humour has become an essential component of my life and for that
part, if not anything else, I am glad.
I have loved every moment of B.Tech. life here at IIT Madras
(with all its glorious ups and valiant downs) and I owe it in great part to
my friends here who have accepted me with my numerous flaws. I know
that a great journey awaits the graduating batch of 2011, both
individually and collectively; I wish them luck in all their endeavours

...
116

and hope that someday we will be able to return the favour of this four-
year transformation to our Alma-mater.

About the author: Akila Pain Kesavasamy, a B. Tech. student in the

Department of Chemical Engineering, takes pride in the fact that she can make
people laugh. This ex-Literary Secretary of Sharavathi Hostel spends her spare
time by blogging at www.lovinglyf.blogspot.com.

*******
NSS
It is very rare in IITM for a person to have a nickname which
depends on someone elses nickname. We have a guy called Sreenath
who was determined to get his branch changed from Civil Engineering
to Mechanical Engineering in his first semester. He indeed worked hard
enough for it. We knew that Sreenath knew everything when it came to
academics and due to his ever helping nature, there was an everyday
interaction between him and the rest of his wingmates, especially during
exams. Whoever went to his room for clearing doubts on any topic said,
Sreenath is a stud after coming out of his room. It wasnt long before
they started calling him Studsree (pronounced as Stud-Shri). But wait!
Studsree is not the protagonist in this story. You cannot have any other
article in which more than three-fourth of the article there is no
mention of the guy on whom the article is centred. There was another
guy living in the same wing as Sreenath, having the same name as
Sreenath (Srinath), in the same branch as Sreenath but academics...
Well, there are some things that make you different from others, the
very reason that makes you unique. So, it wasnt long before Srinath
(not Sreenath) got his nickname from his own wing people- NSS: Non-
Stud Srinath.

...
117

A Walk in 2030
Arul Sekar
Imagine you are coming back to insti after 20 years; you take a
walk starting from stadium all the way around Insti and back to the
stadium. You silently listen to the interesting comments/questions each
and every part of Insti puts to you.
Stadium: Aren't you with your buddy for the secret talk? Beware! Grass
is embedded with microphones. Dude, its 2030!
Security guard: World may have changed but my snoring will never slow
down.
DoMS / Class rooms: Are you an exchange student?
Tifanys: Whom are you waiting for? Pack off. He/she is not going to
come over.
Sound of breeze: Dude, don't wonder where the sound is coming from
without the breeze, 'cos its the sound of the ghosts of cut down trees.
CLT: I have told you 'n' times that you are the elite students, the future
is in your hands and you could give back so much to the society! Oops! I
got it. Your pay slip is still not enough. Seems like the society hasn't
given enough to you in 20 years.
OAT fence : I am the loving fence that gave way whenever you were out
of tickets for a movie or a Saarang show. Those painful kisses!
Quadrangle & Sangam : Do you still have it in you, that joy of fighting
spirit in your guts?
B'day bumps : Can you feel that pain in your ass, when you got one?
When was the last time you got bumped on bday?

...
118

Monkeys: What have you got for me this time? You used to stock up so
much stuff in your room for my 10 am / 4 pm rounds.
IITM lake sign board "Beware of crocs: Take a dip & figure out if crocs
still exist. Did they ever exist?
Swimming pool waters: Fat ass! Do you want me to gulp you few more
times, won't spare you this time!
Sports fields: Fighting spirit-wins-loses-evening games-Schroeter-Inter
IIT-Team effort ...pack, Pack all these - Who had the sexy abs?
(Back to stadium)
DoMS DayOut : Have you got your team to win me again ?
Stadium: Sorry! No sky view. Only sky scraper views. Never mind, try
shedding some sweat from your pot belly.
Guess this 2030 walk would be "A walk to remember" for one and all.
You may come again or may not.
Insti may be like this or may not for it is close to the sea shore (with all
the global warming fundaes). I do not know, but if at all a day comes
when Insti has to be saved, I would want every one of you to buckle up
and better be here to do whatever it takes to save it. I will be here when
Insti calls and will wait for you all.
Insti - Home sweet Home :)
About the author: Arul is pursuing MS in Entrepreneurship at the Dept. of
Management Studies. He is a great outdoor activities enthusiast and owns a
start up-Ecologin, which works towards providing customized trekking programs
to people. At the same time, Ecologin tries to help tribal villages in coming up
with sustainable ways of livelihood.

...
119

This book is dedicated to-

The Batch of 2011

i
 Team Intros
Surbhi Maheshwari
Surbhi is someone without whom this book wouldnt have
happened. She has an eye for the smallest of the details. She
occasionally writes poetry in Hindi and very often writes threat
mails to the group even before someone thinks of slackening.
Owing to her counselling activities, she is considered to be the
Godmother of her hostel.

Kanwaljeet Bardar Singh

Bardars jokes and bulb moments ensure that the work
atmosphere stays jovial. He does bodybuilding and lives a
disciplined life with his straightedge beliefs. His prowess in Guitar-
playing, Writing, Dramatics, etc. has given an artistic touch to his
personality. He believed music was his forte until his astrologer
said that his future lies in writing. Since then, he writes poetry,
prose and songs at shhhhbardarispeaking.blogspot.com.

Sapeksha Zero Vemulapati

Sapeksha is the most cool-headed guy in the team. One of his
main jobs was to mediate the arguments between Surbhi and
Bardar. He carries a pack of cards with him all the time to ensure
that he doesnt lose any opportunity to play. He has dabbled with
everything under the sun and takes great pride in talking about his
name.

ii
Basil Nympho James
Basil loves anything written by P.G. Wodehouse and anyone else
willing to try their hand at humour. He writes when bugged and
otherwise at basiljames.blogspot.com . He is a huge fan of the
Arsenal football club. If you are lost in a web of stud similes while
reading some article, Basil is to be blamed.

Trinath Gaduparthi
Trinath says he wants to be anonymous. We think, rather than
modesty, it is the fear of his PhD guide finding out why his thesis
is not progressing. The senior-most member of the team, he brings
in the philosophical touch. His poetry can be read at
musingsbytrinath.blopspot.com.

Darsana Vijay
Darsana, the youngest member of the team, is a silent observer at
all our work sessions. Besides her exquisite writing, the glimpse of
which can be caught at darzwrites.blogspot.com, she is known for
playing Veena. She has a knack of turning useless material into
beautiful art pieces.

Prateek Barapatre
Prateek is a self-proclaimed procrastinator but the promptness in
his efforts toward the book says otherwise. He likes playing cricket
and writing poetry. While not coding away to glory for his
Masters thesis, he writes at the-strayed-rambles.blogspot.com.

iii
Sabah Farheen
Sabah, an eloquent speaker, gets along with people very easily.
One page is not enough to list out her talents. Therefore to keep
it short, she has a keen interest in music. A great keyboard player,
she is currently learning guitar. Her table tennis skills display her
agility.

Sohini Sarkar
Sohini, a bubbly next door girl, says writing gives her a high. She
is a good Chess player and puts on a spectacle every time she laces
up her boots for dancing. She enjoys writing letters and blogs at
[email protected]. A proof of her creativity is
shown by the fact that the title credits for this book go to her.

Abhinav Cop Ram

Abhinav is the most punctual person of the team. Although he
credits his punctuality to joblessness, he is forever rushing
between the infinite things present on his to-do list. He sees the
world in a different way and has an overzealous passion towards
capturing its living colour through his photography and designing
skills. He loves animals (especially deep fried).

iv