1 Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is on the phone.

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2 Rachel: Mom, would you relax. That was 10 blocks from here and, the, the woman was walking alone at
3 night, I would never do that. Mom, c'mon, stop worrying. This is a safe street, this is a safe building, there's
4 nothing (a pigeon flies in the window and lands on the table) Oh my Goood, oh my God, oh I gotta go, I gotta
5 go, I gotta go. (hangs up) OK, that's fine, you just read the paper, I'm gonna get a pot, it's not for you. (grabs
6 a pot and lid) OK, that's fine, read the Family Circus, enjoy the gentle comedy. (puts pot over the pigeon)
7 Aaahh, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God,
8 aaaaahh. (knock at the door) It's open you guys.
9 (a stranger enters with flowers)
10 Stranger: Hi.
11 Rachel: Hi, hi can I help you?
12 Stranger: Yeah, I'm looking for Phoebe, does she still live here?
13 Rachel: Uh, no she doesn't but I can, I can get a message to her.
14 Stranger: Great. Uhh, just tell her her husband stopped by. (leaves flowers on bar)
15 Rachel: What? (in surprise she forgets she has the pigeon in the pot and lets it get away)
16 Stranger: Hey, how, how did you do that?
17 Opening Credits
18 [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the whole gang is there.]
19 Joey: This is unbelievable Phoebs, how can you be married?
20 Phoebe: Well, I mean, I'm not married, married, ya know, he's just a friend and he's gay and he's just from
21 Canada and he just needed a green card.
22 Monica: I can't believe you married Duncan. I mean how could you not tell me? We lived together, we told
23 each other everything.
24 Phoebe: I'm sorry Monica but I knew if I told you, you'd get really, like, judgemental and you would not
25 approve.
26 Monica: Of course I wouldn't approve, I mean, you were totally in love with this guy who, hello, was gay. I
27 mean, what the hell were you thinking?
28 Ross: You see, and you thought she'd be judgemental.
29 Phoebe: OK, I wasn't in love with him and I was just helping out a friend.
30 Monica: Please, when he left town you stayed in your pajamas for a month and I saw you eat a cheeseburger.
31 All: Huuh.
32 Monica: Well, didn't you?
33 Phoebe: I might have.
34 Monica: I can't believe you didn't tell me.
35 Phoebe: Oh, c'mon, like you tell me everything.
36 Monica: What have I not told you?
37 Phoebe: Oh, I don't know. Umm, how about the fact that the underwear out there on the telephone pole is
38 yours from when you were having sex with Fun Bobby out on the terrace.
39 Rachel: What!
40 (Rachel, Joey, Ross, and Phoebe run over to the window to look.)
41 Monica: Wait a minute, who told you? (turns to Chandler who's looking sheepish) You are dead meat.
42 Chandler: I didn't know it was a big secret.
43 Monica: Oh it's not big, not at all, you know, kinda the same lines as, say, oh I don't know, having a third
44 nipple!
45 (Everyone comes back from the window and surrounds Chandler with Ross hopping on the couch.)
46 Phoebe: You have a third nipple?
47 Chandler: (to Monica) You bitch.
48 Ross: Whip it out, whip it out.
49 Phoebe: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
50 Chandler: (walks into the living room) C'mon, there's nothin' to see, it's just a tiny bump, it's totally useless.
51 Rachel: Oh as, as opposed to your other multi-functional nipples?
52 Joey: I can't believe you. You told me it was a nubbin.
53